#one of her closest friends unfortunately hates me bc I broke up with that one guy and started talking to her

[iloveyoumorethansoup]

Ok so life update I fly back for break Friday and I’ve got 3 total assignments left 2 of them being finals and I don’t get to come back until the 5th🫠

[badedramay]

sorry for the late reply i have been buried in wedding festivities for a cousin! i still need to watch udaari and rehai (shame on me i know lololol) so i don’t have a comparison to work off of unfortunately but ig the closest thing kuch ankahi might have done was having one of the characters rally her reluctant friends to report one of their professors so he could be investigated and removed for sexually harassing multiple women. there was also the main family helping their house maid out by helping her son apply to and attend school and then protecting her from her abusive husband so he could shape up. i think kuch ankahi’s problem was that it tackled good issues but bc it had so many plot threads running it wasn’t necessarily able to delve as much into a deeper reality as some people would have liked. the problems characters faced were absolutely real but some of the solutions were somewhat idealized (in terms of characters coming around to doing the right thing) bc they had to wrap the threads up by the end and there were so many threads to wrap up to begin with

that being said, what i liked about kuch ankahi was its focus on “behavioral” empowerment rather than necessarily empowerment by doing some big specific thing, if that makes sense. the characters did have concrete goals and obstacles but the drama was largely focused on daily living for women. so you had sajal’s character focused on the working woman’s experience (the unrealistic expectations, the judgment from society when you appear too independent, the awkward pressures from your boss, the resignation to doing work you don’t like bc you need the money, etc), mira’s character focused on the married woman’s experience (giving into a long engagement bc your mother feared what people would say if you broke it off, trying to exercise patience and kindness to make the marriage work, realizing those things alone aren’t enough if your spouse truly is not invested in you and you deserve better, taking a stand for yourself to separate so that you don’t have to live in a suffocating environment), and so on and so forth

the drama overall felt cathartic bc it was portraying things that were real to women’s daily experiences and while somewhat idealized was trying to give women the courage and support to take a stand for themselves in their daily lives. so the female characters did make plenty of mistakes but those mistakes were also learning lessons and if you understood how much love the director and writer had for the characters then you recognized they weren’t mistakes meant to make the female characters look stupid. there were a lot of complaints that sajal’s character was stupid for constantly doing her boss’s bidding but for one thing she desperately needed money to help buy out her family home before they were evicted and for another she did learn to navigate her professional life and take a stand for herself where needed. people also immensely criticized mira’s character for being so stupid as to go ahead with a marriage she didn’t want merely bc she didn’t want to upset her mother but for some reason none of these viewers understood there was a purpose to depicting this arc where she would eventually take a stand for herself and separate once she realized a marriage couldn’t be made off of goodwill alone

i don’t hate umeed as a character and find her to be quite endearing despite her immaturity and chaotic nature, but it was so odd to see the same people who were constantly championing her as a win for feminism dunking on the above characters bc they didn’t make the immediately smart and independent decisions. like i mentioned in the last ask, the love for umeed is definitely part of a reactionary response to how much we’re used to seeing utterly subjugated women in a range of dramas, so i get feeling attached to her more take-charge and self serving nature (although to her credit that may be too simplistic a descriptor. she does learn to care for and take account of others eventually). but women like the characters in kuch ankahi do exist in the real world and i’m honestly a bit concerned that people would rather condescend to them for being idiots then sympathize with their situations and support a narrative that encourages them to take a stand for themselves too. esp in a family oriented drama that actively involved the parents in their children’s trials and pushed them to recognize their own mistakes in handling their children’s affairs. for some reason people don’t even have a sense anymore for what counts as depicting sympathetic realism versus what counts as glorification. maybe tere bin skewed everyone’s radars lol

ooh hope you having fun at the wedding festivities! i know they can be tiring and overwhelming for the most part but there's joy to be found in those moments! i too had a very busy weekend..literally ab jaake koi breather mila hai.

my opinion of KA is that it was trying to be too many things at once. like i get the intention of it and for the most part the show had its hands on the realism button. but instead of doing an average job of many things, wouldn't a good job of one thing be better? like with Rehai and Udaari (which is a must watch show btw and I highly highly recommend it! the performances, the story, the sensitivity with which the story was handled, the overall message and ending..it balanced the drama with the optimism and did not fall prey to sensationalizing a highly sensitive topic for the ratings. AND WOULDN'T YOU KNOW - THE RATINGS AND POPULARITY STILL CAME!!!) the show was focused on 1-2 related social issues which the Foundation was interested in raising awareness about and all of that was balanced by the love story between Urwa and Farhan so we had that as a respite. at no point the horrors became SO overwhelming ke dekhne ka dil hi na chahe. the heart and mind were working in tandem there when the creators got together to make that show so the criticisms about the areas where the show faltered were not ones about the narrative or the pace but more of a couple of acting choices of the actors (whatever the fuck was the Hocane brother doing there i'd never know..Hum ne apna nepotism ka chaddha nahin chorhna kabhi)

idk what Sajal's arc was in KA as well i paid like 0.1% attention to her but the initial reviews of the show that I did follow complained about Mira's character's cowardness. and I agree with them? like..I also had the same complain ke behan, what was forcing you to be married in a family where there was no respect either for you or your family? her father and siblings had her back. she had an open out which she didn't take for no other reason than Ami ka dil rakhna hai. yeah the character ultimately had the arc of her standing up for herself and the mother also ultimately regretted forcing her daughter in a position that put her through so much misery. the complains were that what Mira's character went through is not a unique alien thing. these stories happen all the time. literally every desi household has such story. zaroori nahin hai ke aap dhaka kha ke hi seekho. dusron ko dhaka kha ke dekh ke bhi aap sambhal sakte ho. those were the complains. the family had a feeling this rishta was off. the family had a feeling the daughter will have to struggle. the show is set in current times, right? it's not DurreShehwar where the times were old and the in-laws portrayed such a promising picture for the daughter's future that the family happily got the daughter married. the red flags were all there. and the narrative was giving the character an out. which she didn't take. yes, a woman's agency and all is great but it's not easy to applause when the agency has her swallow ankhon dekhi makhi only to spit out. jab pata tha ke thookna hi hai toh mooh mein daala kyun? it's these...frustrations of the audiences which didn't have them support that character. because for MANY people, they'd kill to be in her position where the family was ready to support the girl if she chooses to break a potentially toxic rishta. so to watch a character have the option of those choices and still not choose to utilize them..annoyance toh honi hai.

(again, haven't watched KA so if i have missed out on the nuances that's a given. i am just going by what i have gathered the crux of Mira's character is)

I see how the above paragraph is putting me in the same list of people you mentioned who are not sympathetic towards characters that don't make immediately smart and independent decisions. but the thing is, it's 2023. the situations where the characters can gain sympathy for not knowing any better have changed. willingly putting yourself in a relationship where you know there's no love or respect is not the story that needs to be told in 2023. or if it is being told the narrative style and choices have to change (like with Iqbal in Yunhi). yehi kahani decades se chalti arahi hai in dramas and written fiction. same lesson kitni baar dohraya jaega? it's not a surprise that a fatigue has settled in. yeah, a character not making immediate smart decisions in a professional work place IS a new story because our dramas don't show career oriented women. a character actively balancing their personal and professional life IS a new story cuz majority of our characters on TV only have the personal life (which revolves around shaadi) to speak of. a young woman trusting their partner and sending them intimate pictures IS a cautionary tale to be told because these topics are not discussed openly. but jaan boojh ke aisi family mein shaadi karna jahan izzat nahin milne wali? yeh toh koi nayi baat nahin.

when Hayat in Yeh Raha Dil gets scammed by her friends into selling her house in exchange of a ticket to Nepal, that makes sense because Hayat's entire character in that point was such that that decision to be trusting made sense. Sonia's character in Aisi Hai Tanhai sends compromising pictures of her to her fiance which later get leaked, the sympathies are still with her because she was trusting the man she was in love with and whom she was set to marry. the tragedy that later happens becomes a tale of caution for the audiences at home. i am not saying women HAVE to be perfect and they cannot make mistakes. they can. they SHOULD. but the mistakes should have some undeniable logic behind them. warna yeah, they fall in the category of stupidity.

[pluviophile-bookworm]

Thoughts/ reaction to AWAE 3x10

So, I mentioned in a post I made around midnight (standard Bulgarian time), three hours before this episode aired, that I wasn’t feeling quite like living and that this episode was one of very few things keeping me alive. Since then, I went through a lot more that showed me life really is worth living, and after a small celebration of my birthday (I’m two decades old, yay not so yay really), it’s finally time to open my last, and, hopefully, best present. 

I’ve been going out of my way to avoid spoilers, which is something I never usually do (bc spoilers can be a lifesaving trigger warning), so I’m diving into this episode 100% unprepared for whatever is to happen. I hope I was right not to spoil it for myself. 

I’m rambling oof  So without further ado, here goes my reaction to AWAE  3x10:

Oh my my, what a start. I never expected this. Even after everything Moira has hit me with, I never expected a cold open to include a crying Winifred. Sure, I didn’t expect her to take it lightly, but, well, it seems just a bit too much to me - coming from her, that is. Other girls, on the other hand... by all means, I am immensely grateful that Ruby got over her crush on Gilbert before this happened. Of course, I am so happy for her and Moody, but even if she hadn’t moved on to somebody else immediately, I’m glad her romantic feelings for Gilbert no longer exist because seeing him get together with Anne, one of her closest friends (they are getting together soon, I know it), would have broken her heart. Was that last sentence too long? I hope not. Ok, moving on. 

So, I understand that Winifred must feel cheated, led on, used and whatnot, and that shows that, for whatever reason, she must really have very strong feelings for Gilbert. I’m not saying she loves him the way Anne does - because no one ever could - but I’m saying that for her to be so affected, there have to be some true and strong feelings. On a semi-related note, though, is the idea of her and Prissy getting together off the table? Because it definitely is still very much there in my head. Just saying.

I cannot believe this, and yet it seems to be true - Gilbert broke off the engagement with Winnie before it happened (good) while still thinking Anne doesn’t love him back (bad, so bad). How do these things happen? He must be very, very sure in his own feelings for her then. I cannot wait for him to find out... but how can he find out? I need answers. I need closure. Now. 

Props to Gilbert for telling Winnie that she is exceptional (true) and deserves to be truly loved (very true). Our boy might not love her, but he cares for her very deeply and it must be awful to watch her cry because of him... I hope they can still be friends. And I really hope Winnie and Anne can be friends one day. 

Did he just promise not to tell anyone he’s not engaged to Winnie for two weeks? Do you realise what this means? If he keeps that promise, it might be too late for him and Anne. And he still doesn’t know that she loves him back, and how can he possibly find out without bringing up the fact that he didn’t propose to Winifred? My, that was some cold open. 

My sweet Ruby... wasn’t it only half a season ago that she was only going to Queens to be close to Gilbert? And now she doesn’t want to go without Moody. I’m happy for her, but she seems to have re-attached very strongly in a very short time. I sure hope she doesn’t get hurt. I mean, Moody wouldn’t hurt her, right?

Anne eyeing Gilbert and Gilbert looking back at her... the room is filled with tension, and yet that between the two of them is of a completely different kind. I want this to be resolved already. 

Diana saying she’ll faint if she turns out to have passed the exams is ironic/ funny on a purely linguistic level. She’s practically saying she’ll pass out if she’s passed the exams, get it? No? Just me?

She got in! People, Diana got into Queens! With zero special preparation. I have no choice but to stan. 

The little smiles Anne and Gilbert exchanged when they found out they tied for first place... it almost looked like they forgot all the tension and were just genuinely happy for each other in that moment... and then there’s the extremely awkward “Congratulations” scene which is just another misunderstanding. 

“Potato light bulbs forever!” Well said, Moody, very well said indeed.

Poor Anne is still so disappointed in Gilbert not giving her any response to her note. Poor unfortunate note never reached him, or else things would be vastly different right about now.

Oh my, oh my, they will be roommates, if you know what I mean. What would I give to see this... unfortunately, there was one spoiler I could not avoid, and it is the very real fact that AWAE has been cancelled. But I really want to  see so many more things. Please, people, we can make it happen! #renewAWAE #AWAES4

Poor Diana. I hope there is a force on Earth that can convince her parents to let her go to Queens.

“It is your future, not theirs.” / “It’s not your future, it’s ours!” Oh the tragic parallel, I can’t even. Poor Diana. 

Ok, Winnie I can take, but Eliza Barry is going on my nerves with her crying. True, Diana did go to the exam by lying about where she was going, and she did one more secret thing that would positively make her mother self-combust (I’m talking about Derry and where is my Derry resolution?), but this is a bit too over the top.

Look at the Cuthberts + honorary family member Jerry picking corn together like a true farming family... how idyllic. Also, Jerry is back! And the looks on his and Matthew’s face when Anne starts talking about corsets is just priceless. I love these two. They need their own spin-off. 

Oh my, Matthew, what are you talking about? Sure, giving Jerry his own room at Green Gables is super heartwarming and, sure, the much missed smile was back on Jerry’s face for a couple seconds, but this is just such a callback to Anne’s original problem with Jerry when both of them first arrived at Green Gables - she feels like Matthew and Marilla are replacing her with him, like they’re getting the boy they originally wanted and she’s out of the family. What a heartbreaking turn of events. 

They’re showing us family after family, and in two out of three so far things have gone bad. I hope this is not the case with the Lacroixes. Hazel just told her son she’s proud of him. It seems like their misunderstandings of the past are water under the bridge and that makes me happy. Just please don’t let this take a turn for the worse.

Hazel being soft with her baby granddaughter is so heartwarming... but I’ve been hurt before and I just hope this scene isn’t giving me a false sense of security. 

Gilbert is alone at Green Gables. What could happen? What did he come for? Oh, I can’t, it’s the pen, you guys! Oh my, he’s writing a note to Anne... oh, the parallels...

“My Anne with an E”... I cannot, I simply cannot with this. I can’t, he’s talking about being engaged to her, calling her his Anne... and he still doesn’t know she loves him back. Boy has finally decided to act on his feelings. Took him some time, that’s for sure. That slate to the head must have totally dimmed his senses in order for him to miss the signs. I wonder what Anne’s excuse is.

I can’t help feeling that Anne has somehow reverted back to her 1x1 self. Getting Matthew a cup of water he didn’t ask for and asking if he needs help with the milkers, and just nervously trying to do any chore just to prove she’s useful... poor Anne. So many years of love and acceptance and found family happiness have been pretty much erased by Matthew’s comment about more or less replacing Anne with Jerry. Why, Matthew? I trusted you.

Their cows’ names are Pride and Prejudice? Doesn’t take much to figure out who gave them those names. But now one of them has been sold to the Andrewses. I just hope they treat her well. My, am I getting worried about a cow I don’t even know now?

Oh Anne, how could you say this? There is no way for any place you’ve been at to go back to the way it was before you. Seriously, Anne has this way of changing the world around her for the better that just can’t not leave a trace in a decent person’s heart. And Matthew Cuthbert sure is one. I know he didn’t mean what he said the way that Anne perceived it. I’m sure there is some explanation.

Oh my, Anne found the note. So far this one is doing better than the first one. And... I spoke too soon. Goodness, Anne, why? You couldn’t just read it, you had to tear it up beyond repair and throw it out the window. Shirbert should be banned for life from writing notes. 

Sure, Anne. Act before you think, think a second after you act. Dammit, smart people can be so stupid!

Anne stinks at puzzles. The way she arranged the words made the note look a totally different size than the original. And she saw it clearly before she ripped the life out of it. 

I just cannot with these two. Gilbert takes Anne’s drunken ramblings about pirates to mean she doesn’t love him. Then Anne rearranges Gilbert’s note, which she destroyed herself, to say he doesn’t love her. Thanks, I hate it.

Poor Diana, indeed. Can’t this episode stop making me suffer? This was supposed to be a nice birthday present. And this is supposed to be the last episode ever? No, guys, we can’t let that happen. I did not sign up for this suffering. 

Just seeing the way Marilla acts around Anne makes it perfectly clear that things have changed dramatically in the last three years, and yet somehow it feels like Anne still doesn’t feel like her place in the Cuthbert family is secure. But I understand her. I fell into a great crisis before going off to college, too. I just hope she gets to feel better soon. Girl has been through so much already. 

What could have made Bash jump up so suddenly and run like this? Oh, I cannot believe it. It’s Elijah. He’s back with John Blythe’s things and it seems he’s repenting. But Bash isn’t having it. Oh my, I knew things would get worse for the Blythe- Lacroixes, too, I was just hoping I’d be wrong. Why is this episode doing this to me?

Right on, Marilla. Talk some sense into Eliza Barry. She’s been needing this for a long, long time. 

“Soar to the highest heights” and “plunge to the deepest depths” - that’s Anne alright. She’s literally had both happen within the same day. Multiple times. She’s a “passionate individual”, after all, if I may use Gilbert’s words. 

This scene with Anne and Miss Stacy is such a beautiful contrast to the way they met. Anne sure wasn’t quite herself that day and I’m glad to see she and Miss Stacy are not just a passionate progressive teacher and a curious, headstrong student - they’re great friends now. 

So that letter Marilla received had to do with Anne’s lineage? I want to know any information about it just as much as Anne does. 

I don’t like it that it’s Matthew who has to be called out on his actions, but I’m glad Marilla is calling him out. Whatever his intentions were, and I’m sure they were nothing but good, what he said took Anne back to square one, only with so much more to lose now. 

This episode has too much crying in it. But now it’s coming from Matthew and it’s breaking my heart. 

Idyllic Blythe-Lacroix family scene in the orchard? Apparently this is not that scene. I see Eljah is still there. And from the way he acted at his mother’s grave, I could tell he truly repents for what he’s done. He just wants to be part of the family. And I want to know how that goes. 

It looks like they accept him in. For now, at least. I hope things can smooth over between them. 

Anne has her hair up... and she’s... is she wearing a corset? Little girl sure has grown up. 

I though Matthew would have that talk with Anne, but it seems like he, too has reverted back to his day 1 personality. What is this? Why are they both throwing their character- and inter-character development out the window like this?

Oh my, look at all the girls, all grown up. What girls, they’re practically women now. All so elegant in their lady dresses and their corsets and their hats. Such a glow-up. Not that they needed a glow-up, but it looks good on them all.

Deaf/ mute representation. I love it. Now more than ever we need a season 4 to expand on the girls’ relationship with Lily. And with curfew, which is “not a suggestion”. But especially Lily. 

The way the girls act in their dorm room just goes to show that even with the lady dresses and the corsets and everything, they’re still teenage girls that just want to have fun. I love these girls. 

I know Jerry doesn’t do all that much in this episode (where is my Derry conclusion?), but I’m just so glad to see that he and his beautiful smile are back. And right now he’s bringing the most important letter of all. And don’t worry, it’s not written by Shirbert, so it’s not getting lost or torn to pieces. 

I cannot with all these Shirbert parallels... at about the same time as Anne, Gilbert gets a life-changing letter, too. He’s going to the University of Toronto. I knew it. 

I just can’t... (gosh, this episode has stripped me of all the ability to can) Delly might have just lost her Uncle Gilby to UofT, but she’s just got her big brother Elijah back.

Josephine Barry... I like where this is going. If we get to also see Cole this time...

Now this is what dreams are made of. He’s there. He’s there and he’s looking as elegant as ever. I missed my boy. I’m still waiting for an interaction between him and my other boy Jerry... and we all know that ain’t happening unless we get them to renew AWAE... we can make it happen. 

I can’t. Once again I’m unable to can, this time because of how amazing Anne looks in this dress. I’ve been waiting so long to see it, and it’s more gorgeous than I could have imagined. Anne is, too. Matthew’s face says it all. Green dress who? No, I mean, it’s still absolutely stunning, but this one is way more Anne in my opinion. 

Why the suspense, Anne? Read it out loud, for goodness’ sake? The lack of background music and the ticking of the clock just make it so much more suspenseful.

See? This is why I missed Cole so much - well, not just this, but this too. His beautiful friendship with Anne, that is. Can you believe he hasn’t seen her in so long and yet he still knows her better than anybody else in that room, and, as Anne said herself, they’re all her family. I need more of their friendship. 

There we have it, guys, gals and nb pals, Matthew’s opening up. It was about time. I’m so proud of my man.

“My Anne”, along with the several times Anne was referred to as their daughter, or Marilla and Matthew as her mother and father... beautiful. I’m literally tearing up. 

So Mrs. Thomas does have information about the Shirleys after all. And while Anne is off exploring the town, her parents are looking for... her birth parents. And they’ve sort of found them in this book, The Language of Flowers. Turns out Bertha was a teacher. Like mother, like daughter. Even if she didn’t have the chance to raise her. 

I’m getting chills. Anne and Winifred... oh my, this is bad. This is a bigger misunderstanding than there has ever been between Shirbert, if that’s even possible at this point. Seriously, for two exceptionally smart girls, these two are dumb. 

Oh dear, Diana in her lady dress and hat looks so much like her mother, it’s scary. Well, that’s if her mother was an educated, brave woman ready to take risks for what she believes in. But in terms of looks... it’s almost creepy. 

Even dressed as a beautiful young lady, Anne is just as clumsy as ever. I love her just like that.

The look on Diana’s face scares me. Poor Gilbert here, a victim of the circumstances, doesn’t know what hit him... and it’s not a slate this time. This is not a school crush anymore. We’re talking courting and marriage here. And Diana, best of friends in the world, has had it with this series of unfortunate misunderstandings between Shirbert. 

Did he just jump off of a moving train or something? That’s right - run, Gil, run like the wind! We’re getting closure on this whole thing after all. I hope. 

Oh my, they’re going to- the time for words has run out. They were never any good when it came to these two. They’re going to kiss!

Wow, that was some kiss! It was like Gil here has been holding this in ever since that slate broke over his head. And I’m pretty sure that’s how it really was. Intense, wasn’t it? And then Anne pinching herself to make sure she’s not imagining this - are you telling me she’s been having fantasies of kissing Gilbert?

Wait, he’s still asking if she loves him back after they actually kissed? I don’t mean to sound like a broken record, but - smart people are really dumb. 

A second kiss? Initiated by Anne? Now that’s the stuff of fanfiction. I may have to pinch myself too to make sure I really saw what I saw. 

“Pen pals?” Pen pals, huh? I mean, as long as they don’t intend to share one single pen and as long as they don’t hand-deliver the letters in the absence of each other... this could actually work.

Diana! And was that Mr. Barry coming to his senses after all?

Spare your steps, Gil! The guy really got on the carriage then right back off just to kiss Anne a third and fourth time - not counting the knuckle kiss, which, by the way, totally counts. 

The Cuthberts (yes, including a certain Shirley-Cuthbert) are going to make me cry... 

Funny that “I look like my mother” is the first thing she wanted to tell Gilbert in her first letter... but, I mean, that’s something incredibly important to her and they’ll be talking about all kinds of stuff, so why not? It’s actually beautiful. 

Sure, I want a fourth season with all my heart and soul, but even if we never get one (which we will), this was the most beautiful finale I could have imagined. 

I mean, there are certainly three things I wanted to see resolved by this finale: (1) Derry’s storyline - they sort of acted like it never happened and I’m not ok with that; (2) Ka’kwet’s family’s storyline - not even mentioned, like they were never there. This is the same kind of erasure that the White Man’s Burden prison school was doing. Not a fan. I demand closure on Ka’kwet’s story. (3) Closure on the Andrews family and Josie - this storyline can't have been introduced just for the sake of talking about abuse, consent and freedom of speech.

To sum up, in this rollercoaster of a season finale we saw: lots of crying - unexpected but justified from Winifred, way over the top by Eliza Barry, devastating by Diana, and heartbreaking by Matthew - bonus: a breakdown by Anne after a disappointing letter, then a tear of joy upon learning about her family; lots of the usual Shirbert stuff - tension, longing looks and misunderstandings; the misadventures of another love note; an overwhelming amount of parallels with varying degrees of subtlety; Diana gets into Queens, Gilbert gets into U of T; Elijah is accepted into the Blythe-Lacroix (mostly just Lacroix now) family; Anne and Matthew erase three years’ worth of character development - then get back on track, luckily; Diana is an absolute queen; a pair of cows named Pride and Prejudice - not actually shown on screen; all the girls looking classy in lady dresses and corsets; Marilla helps get Diana to Queens; Jerry + his smile and Cole are back for the finale; Shirbert share not one or two, but five kisses (counting the knuckle one); pen pals Shirbert.

[generallynerdy]

Together (Morgana X F!Reader)

Summary: When Morgana and Morgause set out to conquer Camelot, there is one unlikely obstacle in their way: a servant girl. The problem she poses? Morgana has never stopped loving her.

Requested by @pearlll09: Ooh was putting laundry away and had an idea for Morgana! Maybe reader finds her during one of her attempts to take over the kingdom and they used to be close so reader manages to talk her into being good again :)

Key: (Y/N) - your name Warnings: some cheesy bullshit, G A E, imprisonment, minor injuries, persecution bc of magic, abusive father figures mentioned, forceful takeovers Word Count: 1,175

Note: katie mcgrath hhhhhhhh i know this is 30 minutes later than usual posting but eh. Hope u dont mind that i made it gay

    (Y/N) let out a pained shout as she was shoved onto the cold stone floor of a cell. The door slammed behind her as she whimpered, pain shooting out through her entire body. Using her elbows, she slowly got to her knees, tears slipping down her cheeks when she looked up.

    Morgana and Morgause both lingered at her door, the former closer to it than her half-sister.

    Her eyes were dark, almost blank, as she stared upon the pitiful prisoner, a girl who had once been her closest friend. Meanwhile, Morgause watched spitefully, squinting as she observed (Y/N).

    “Another unfortunate casualty,” she hummed. “Come, sister. It’s time for you to take your place on the throne of Camelot.”

    (Y/N) stumbled to her feet as the witch began to turn away. She reached through the bars of the cell door with the desperation of a dying man, gripping the sleeve of Morgana’s dress.

    “Don’t do this, Morgana,” she begged.

    Morgana frowned. “Why shouldn’t I? It’s everything Uther deserves. You said that once.”

    “I said he deserved to pay for what he did,” she admitted, “But not like this. Not through violence and death and suffering. He doesn’t deserve this-- Arthur doesn’t deserve this.”

    “Don’t bring him into this,” she spat.

    (Y/N)’s heart broke a little. “But he’s already part of it, isn’t he? You blame him for the crimes of his father, for Uther’s crimes against you and your kind.”

    From behind her sister, Morgause began to fume. “Best watch your mouth.”

    “Morgana, this was not Arthur’s choice,” (Y/N) said, ignoring Morgause. “He loves you like a sister, he would never--”

    “Do not speak to me of how Arthur loves me,” Morgana growled.

    She took (Y/N)’s wrist suddenly, ripping it from her dress. Nails digging into the girl’s skin, she threw her backwards into her cell again, sending her tumbling to the floor. From far off, a few imprisoned nights shouted at her to stop. They were all found of the serving girl, as Morgana had once been.

    Morgause smirked proudly, walking away and leaving her sister to do the same. Just as Morgana was about to depart, (Y/N)’s quiet voice stopped her.

    “You said you loved me once,” she whispered, making her stop cold in her tracks. “You said you’d put aside the hatred and the vengeance if it meant you had me.”

    “I was different then,” Morgana muttered, her voice less fire and more poison now.

    (Y/N) sniffed, wiping at her face. “You were. You were sweet and kind. Not a day went by that I didn’t see it in you. What happened, Morgana?”

    “Nothing happened,” was her reply. “I just decided to change things.”

    “And you can change them again!” (Y/N) spoke desperately, sitting up from the ground. “You can change things. You can come home and we can go back to the way it was. This time, you and Arthur can stop Uther. You can change things.”

    Morgana was silent for a moment, almost considering her words.

    Morgause sauntered in again, a devilish smirk upon her expression. “Coming, sister? We have a kingdom to take, after all.”

    “Of course,” Morgana said instantly, echoing her sister’s tone.

    She left the dungeon without a second glance at (Y/N), who burst into tears the moment she was gone.

    “You can’t save her, (Y/N). No one can.”

    “I refuse to believe that, Merlin. If anyone can save her, it’s me. And I’m going to try until it damn well kills me! Because I won’t abandon her-- not now, not ever.”

    It was close to midnight that same evening when the dungeon was opened again. All the nights lay asleep in their cells, but (Y/N) had yet to slumber. She was just beginning to drift off into a dream world when a quiet voice broke through her drowsiness.

    “(Y/N), (Y/N), wake up.”

    The servant girl jumped awake, flinching so hard that she sat up off the ground and whirled around to face whoever startled her. Much to her surprise, and perhaps fear, Morgana stood there, clothed in a red cloak and robes befitting a peasant.

    “Morgana?” (Y/N) whispered, almost shrinking back farther into her cell. “You came back.”

    The sparkle in the sorceress’s eyes died a little. “Did you really think I’d leave you here?”

    “I’d...considered it,” she admitted with a mumble. She then clambered to her feet and met Morgana at the cell door, glancing about to spot any lurking guards. “Was it all fake then? You, working with Morgause?”

    There was a change in Morgana’s expression, a flicker of regret passing her features.

    “I--” she began to defend herself, but stopped. “I’ve made a mistake. I don’t know how to fix it.”

    “Oh, Morgana,” (Y/N) muttered fondly.

    Shocking both herself and the former lady of Camelot, she reached a gentle hand through the cell door, placing it against Morgana’s cheek. Her skin was cold, but Morgana felt nothing but warmth and comfort.

    “How do I fix this, (Y/N)?” She begged.

    Had Uther been there to hear her, he would’ve shamed her for doing such a thing. A lady did not beg, nor did a traitor. Luckily, (Y/N) was not Uther. She would never be.

    “I want to fix this,” Morgana said again. “I’ve made a horrible, horrible mistake, I know. I never wanted this.”

    (Y/N) smiled sadly. “What did you want, Morgana?”

    “I wanted…” She hesitated, but a tiny smile broke out on her face. “I wanted you. Just me and you against the world, against Uther. I thought this was the way to get that, but I know better now.”

    “In that case--” (Y/N) began, grinning.

    She pressed herself closely to the cell door and, to the best of her ability, kissed her lady through the bars. It was a feeling she would never forget; the ice-cold lips of the Lady Morgana. It was a feeling reserved for her and her alone, for as long as she would live. Or at least, so she hoped.

    When the kiss ended, Morgana could not wipe the smile from her face. “How do I fix it, (Y/N)?”

    “You come home,” came the servant girl’s whisper. “You stop Morgause and you come home to Arthur, to Uther-- however you may hate him.”

    “And what of my magic?”

    (Y/N)’s fingers danced along her arm in a comforting gesture. “They don’t know of it, yet, do they?” When Morgana shook her head, she smiled. “Then that’s a problem for another day. We’ll find a way to stop Uther and save your people-- but we’re going to do it together.”

    Morgana kissed her again, sweeter and softer this time.

    It was a promise, a sort of promise; one that she meant to keep. It was a promise to love, to hold, and to protect, even if it meant the death of her.

    The sorceress nodded slowly, a kiss still lingering on her lips. “Together.”

Merlin Tags: @pearlll09

Masterlist

[winemom-culture]

You really had a kid at 18? Damn you fucked your life over for letting a guy cum inside you. Where is the father? Gone for a better younger looking girl ;)

y’know i was sitting here thinking like “how can i be funny about this and write it off” like i would normally given my online jokester persona but something cool happened tonight & i was prob gonna write about it anyways to sort out my thoughts so this is a beautiful opportunity 

i really had a kid at 18 and i left the father at about 19, i had no school, had a minimum wage job, and i had a lot of shit to get together before i was ready mentally & emotionally to be married. I didn’t feel like his father was the best fit to support me through all that (as most 19/20 year olds aren’t) and not to mention, we objectively downright weren’t compatible, but continued clinging bc we were high school sweethearts. we were literally aware of this before we had a kid, but unfortunately shit happens- so we tried to make it work, but i eventually had to rip off a long overdue bandaid. i wanted more for my life.

shortly after we officially broke up, he started seeing my closest friend at the time. it stung, i won’t lie. even though i initiated the breakup, i felt very betrayed. he ended up getting her pregnant too, twice, and having two more kids- my son’s half brothers. 

the hurt turned into rage & hate for a while afterwards. i spiraled into a very deep depression. i hated them. i hated them very personally, i had hateful people around me adding fuel to my fire for no good reason in retrospect, i instigated some petty fights, and swore i’d do everything in my power to keep my son away from them.

just this year i’ve started to not only be civil, but on good terms with them again. i realized i am very happy with the current state of my life. I’ve finished a trade degree and I’m still in school working towards a more long term goal, i have a really good job that i love, i’ve found faith, got a lot of close good friends, i recently started seeing someone who’s been emotionally supportive of me & i’m on better terms with my family than i have been in the last 3~ish years give or take. i realized that holding onto this hate in my heart is basically useless because i’m in the process of getting all those things that i was initially looking for when i broke it off- and it doesn’t do me, or my child, any good whatsoever. 

tonight his dad & stepmom invited my family and i to their house to his 5th birthday party. we had a great time, and i can tell you one thing for sure is that my son is surrounded by a lot of people who love him. tomorrow his dad & his gf, my bf and i all take charlie and his little brother to disney world for the day to wrap up the birthday weekend.

so, that’s where the father is. go be miserable in another ask box!

[soflsms]

   ( sorry  I'm  late  to  the  party  im  in  pst  so  i  was  at  work  til  now  sdkfjl )  ANYWHO  hi  pals  what  the  h*ck  is  up  !!  im  chloe  ,  im  21  ,  i  use  she / her  pronouns  &  im  a  broke  a$$  geography  major  !!   i  am  SO  excited  to  be  her  &  get  to  rp  with  all  y’all  bc  judging  by  your  apps  skdflj  i  fuck  with  u  all  .  anywho  ill  stop  my  rambling  ,  below  the  readmore  is  stuff  about  sofie  &  some  wcs !!  

trigger  warning  !!  sex  work  ,  deportation  ,  neglect  ,  bad  writing  ,  alcoholism  &  substance  abuse

HAILEY BALDWIN  /  SHE/HER  /  TWENTY TWO  /  BILLIE EILISH VC

welcome to los angeles , sofie almeda ! the glitterati has been watching you . rumour has it you made your first mark in the industry two years ago & that your net worth currently stands at  8m . it seems as though you’re enjoying being a  singer since relocating from  harlem , new york city . some might say you’d be a good fit for the glitterati due to your hollywood ranking being a solid  #3, & it helps that fans speak so highly of your  individualistic & assiduous ways . unfortunately , our sources cite that those closest to you aren’t particularly impressed with your  self-destructive & choleric tendencies .

stats

name  :   sofie sydney almeda

nicknames  :   sof

age  :  twenty - two  .

birthday  :  december  eleventh  .

zodiac  :  sagittarius  .

gender  :  cisfemale  (  though  doesn’t  vibe  with  the  idea  of  being  STRICTLY  a  WoMaN  ,  she  finds  labels  restrictive  )  .

pronouns  :  she    &    her  .

height  :  5 ′ 6 ″  .

hometown  :    recife  ,  brazil  &  harlem  ,  new  york  city  .

nationality  :  american  ,  brazilian  .

ethnicity  :  english  ,  portuguese   .

label(s)  :  the  venereal  ,  the  bellwether  ,  the  opulent  ,   the  anaxiphile   .

occupation  :  singer  (  vc  billie  eilish  )  .  

quirks  :  fidgeting  ,  allergic  to  shellfish  ,  walks  quickly  ,  cracks  knuckles  ,  always  wears  her  lucky  ‘  st  christopher  ’  necklace  from  her  grandmother  ,  has  a  weird  ability  to  talk  herself  out  of  trouble  ,  can  tie  a  cherry  stem  in  her  mouth  ,  messy  emotionally  but  on - point  physically  ,  vvv  bad  driver  ,  loves  a  good  theme  party  ,  can’t  get  through  the  day  without  multiple  cups  of  coffee  ,  refuses  to  wear  glasses  in  public  even  though  she’s  quite  far - sighted  ,  always  carries  hand  sanitizer ,  prefers  rain  over  sunshine  .

background

         her  mother  ,  marcia  almeda  ,  was  a  recent  graduate  from  secondary  school  who  packed  a  backpack  and  went  traveling !! before  long  tho  she  ended  up  knocked  up  by  another  backpacker  ,  this  one  american  ,  while  they  were  having  a  fling  in  sydney  (  hence  sofie’s  middle  name  lmao  @  her  mom’s  humor  )  .  she  flew  back  home  when  she  found  out  &  never  told  sofie’s  father  oops !! so  marcia  had  sofie  at  home  in  recife  just  before  her  nineteenth  birthday  ,  and  marcia  was  enthralled  w  little  sofie  .  ofc  she  inherited  her  mother’s  beauty  (  i  hc  marcia  looks  like  alessandra  ambrosio  bc  hello !  )  &  little  sofie  lived  a  happy  early  childhood  life  in  her  grandparents’  home  in  recife.

         brazil  isn’t  the  safest  of  countries  &  marcia  didn’t  want  the  same  dangers  she  experienced  growing  up  for  her  young  daughter  ,  so  around  sofie’s  eighth  birthday  ,  her  &  her  mother  packed  up  and  went  on  a  ‘ trip  ’  to  new  york  city  .  joke’s  on  sofie  ,  though  -  it  wasn’t  actually  a  trip  ,  but  rly  they  were  trying  to  move  there  to  find  sofie’s  father  to  confirm  his  paternity  and  get  sofie  american  citizenship  .  it  was  proving  more  difficult  than  she  thought  ,  &  marcia  was  quickly  running  out  of  money  .  with  a  face  like  hers  ,  though  ,  making  money  wasn’t  too  difficult  ,  but  it  was  time  consuming  .  marcia  found  herself  escorting  older  men  in  order  to  pay  the  bills  ,  all  the  while  leaving  little  sofie  to  fend  for  herself  .  some  of  her  earliest  memories  are  of  strange  men  in  their  tiny  apartment  &  sofie  trying  to  block  out  their  conversations  with  her  lil  cassette  player  hiding  in  the  corner  of  her  room  .  eventually  ,  marcia  was  able  to  contact  the  father  &  they  set  up  a  meeting  .  sofie  had  gotten  her  hopes  up  that  she  would  finally  have  a  dad  (  she  got  dressed  up  in  her  sunday  best  &  everything  bc  reuniting  her  dad  was  a  BIG  deal  ) ,  but  the  meeting  ended  up  being  a  quick  exchange  of  words  ,  a  mouth  swab  and  a  couple  signatures  .  sofie  never  even  learned  his  name  ,  & this  queued  up  a  lifetime  of  daddy  issues  &  distrust  of  men  !!

        while  marcia  was  able  to  stay  in  america  much  longer  than  she  was  legally  supposed  to  ,  eventually  she  was  facing  deportation  ,  which  meant  lil  sofie  ,  with  her  citizenship  finally  confirmed  ,  was  put  into  the  hands  of  her  father  who  sent  off  to  an  american  boarding  school  in  new  york  without  even  contacting  her  .  she  would  spend  the  summers  in  brazil  with  her  mother  or  ,  as  she  got  older  ,  couch - surfing  with  different  friends  throughout  the  months  .  she  started  growing  apart  from  her  mother  as  she  aged  since  she  wasn’t  going  home  every  summer  since  she  didn’t  rly  feel  any  connection  to  brazil  .  her  grandfather  had  passed  away  &  she  only  has  faint  memories  grandmother  ,  plus  the  city  wasn’t  at  all  familiar  to  her  &  she  wasn’t  practicing  her  portuguese  after  her  mother  returned  to  brazil  .

         through  it  all  ,  music  was  proving  to  be  the  one  constant  in  her  life  she  could  use  to  escape  from  reality  .  she  had  never  done  any  training  or  classes  ,  but  she  just  liked  singing  along  to  whatever  was  on  the  radio  & practicing  on  her  own  .  she  also  found  a  passion  for  writing  poetry  which  she  later  would  realize  was  compatible  with  music  .  she  would  spend  HOURS  in  the  school  library  working  on  garage  band  lmfao  bc  she  couldn’t  afford  her  own  laptop  to  produce  music  &  her  dad  sent  just  enough  money  as  he  was  legally  supposed  to  .  but  she  worked  her  lil  tushy  off  &  applied  to  a  music  academy  in  nyc  &  was  rejected  the  first  year  (  DEVASTATING  when  mixed  with  her  impostor  syndrome  &  daddy  issues ) but  she  practiced  more  &  more  &  edned  up  getting  accepted  the  next  year  .  here  ,  she  worked  on  her  vocal  skills  &  music  production  ,  &  started  accumulating  her  own  music  &  selling  songs  to  music  producers  on  the  side  for  some  ca$h  money  .  

          by  the  time  she  was  16  the  state  decided  she  was  old  /  mature  enough  to  live  on  her  own  so  she  got  a  TINY  lil  studio  apartment  in  harlem  where  she’d  grown  up  with  her  mum  &  she  had  friends  who  she’d  grown  up  with  .  while  it  wasn’t  the  safest  neighbourhood  statistically  sofie  felt  safe  &  just  like  one  of  the  neighbourhood  kids  .  it  was  the  first  time  she  genuinely  felt  like  she  belonged .

        she  was  accepted  on  full  scholarship  to  nyu  & majored  in  music  composition  &  vocal  performance  where  she  started  finally  feeling  secure  in  herself  &  released  her  own  music  on  soundcloud  ,  quickly  amassing  a  following  &  becoming  an  ‘ up  &  coming ‘  artist  !!  she  was  contacted  by  a  scooter  braun  type  guy  who  was  interested  in  taking  her  on  under  his  management  so  she  dropped  out  of  uni  in  her  2nd  year  (  bc  tbh  her  grades  in  anything  other  than  her  music  classes  were  v  subpar  )  .  soon  enough  producers  wanted  to  work  with  her  &  she  was  making  enough  that  she  didn’t  have  to  sell  her  songs  which  she  hated  doing  but  had  to  pay  the  bills  u  know  .  oh  &  her  vc  is  billie  eilish  bc  ofc  shes  my  queen  go  stream  when  we  all  fall  asleep  where  do  we  go  on  spotify  u  won’t  be  disappointed  

        she  also  started  getting  into  the  partying  scene  here  yikes  !! it  was  a  method  for  her  to  numb  all  her  pain  from  her  past  &  impostor  syndrome  &  drown  all  that  out  in  pills  or  tequila  .  it  rly  wasn’t  healthy  bc  of  how  she  would  binge  for  a  weekend  then  try  to  stay  sober  throughout  the  week  but  failing  by  about  wednesday when  she  started  to  feel  hollow  .  she  wasn’t  gonna  be  a  one  hit  wonder  &  her  mom  sure   as  hell  didn’t  go  through  all  that  trouble  just  for  sofie  to  be  a  nobody  addict  !! so  she  kept  it  together  enough  to  start  making big  bucks  & well  …….  here  she  is  :~)

personality

        sofie  blames  it  on  her  brazilian  heritage  but  this  bitch  loves  a  party  !!  like  shes  the  one  who  gets  happy drunk  at  the  pre  then  is  the  first  on  the  dance  floor  then  later  falls  out  of  the  club  &  into  some  rando’s  bed !!  in  the  back  of  her  mind  she  knows  her  drug  &  alcohol  use  is  self - destructive  but  she  figures  shes  allowed  to  let  loose  sometimes (  even  if  that  ends  up  being  most  nights  )  ;  rly  she’s  just  in  denial  bc  she  doesn’t  want  to  change  her  ways  &  lose  her  identity  !!

        doesn’t  put  labels  on  her  gender  identity  or  sexual orientation  .  she  finds  them  restrictive  &  useless  for  herself  ,  labels  would  only  be  to  satisfy  others  .  she  doesn’t  see  herself  as  110%  female  either  like  she’s  all about  gender  being  a  social  construct  /  a  spectrum  ;  some  days  she’ll  get  dolled  up  &  wear  heavy  makeup  &  six  inch  heels  ,  some  days  she’ll  walk  around  in  a  bun  &  tracksuit  &  trainers  .  anyone  who  asks  abt  it  will  swiftly  get  2  middle  fingers  in  their  face  !! shes  uncontrollable  i  swear

         puts  up  a  tough  bad - ass  front  like  billie  does aksjdh  like  nah  nothing  can  hurt  me  im  bulletproof  !!  but  is  rly  just  kinda  broken  underneath  .  she  doesn’t  even  let  her  closest  friends  know  how  hurting  she  is  bc  she  doesn’t  wanna  burden  them  .  she  rly  uses  mmusic  as  an  outlet  tho  so  she’ll  act  totally  tough  then   go  to  the  studio  &  record  all  about  her  heartache  .  will  NEVER  let  someone  see  her  cry  no  matter  how  close  she  is  with  them  .  she  rly  sees  it  as  a  sign  of  weakness  &  shes  in  a  much  better  place  than  she  was  5  years  ago  so  she  figures  she’s  not  ALLOWED  to  feel  anything  but  grateful  .  

         this  bitch  overthinks  everything  !! half  the  time  she  isn’t  rly  listenning  to  whoever  bc  she’s  thinking  about  what  they  just  said  &  if  they’re  mad  with  her  .  she’s  that  friend  who  will  ask  u  to  come  over  to  formulate  the  perfect  text  response  &   fuss  over  it  for  hours  .  that  being  said  ,  if  someone  talks  shit  abt  anyone  shes  tight  with  ,  they’re  gonna  get  it  the  next  time   she  sees  them  .  she  isn’t  about  violence  &  would  never  get  into  a  physical  fight  ,  but  she’d  work  behind  the  scenes  to  ruin  their  life  .  but  then  she  pretends  like  she  rly  doesn’t  care  though  its  obvious  to  those  close  to  her  that  she  cares  way  too  much

has  a  very  hard  time  expressing  love  bc  she  didn’t  have  much  practice  w  it  growing  up  .  she  was  on  her  own  most  of  her  young  life  so  even  if  her  mom  would  tell  her   te  amo  she  would  be  like  uh  huh  gtg  bye !!  

tldr ;  poor  bitch  w  abandonment  issues  who  was  able  to  get  out  of  it  by  channeling  her  energy  into  music  &  numbing  the  stress  with  pills  or  alcohol  which  she  def  still overuses  but  she  doesn’t  think its  a  problem  !! yikeroony  !!  loves  partying  & having  a  good  time  ,  puts  up  a  tough  front  but  is  rly  soft  underneath  .

wanted (* = mw)

friends  from  high  school  !! -  people  sof  stayed  with  in  the  summer  bc  she  wasn’t  going  home  to  brazil  .  

friends  from  music  school  !!  -  she  def  felt  like  an  outsider  among  the  music  prodigies  at  this  school  ,  &  maybe  this  person  was  one  of  the  ppl  she  actually  connected  with  . 

come  out  &  play  !!  this  person  acts  as  a  good  influence  to  sofie  .  they’re  level - headed  &  very  grounding  ,  &  sofie  doesn’t  let  it  show  but  they’re  really  important  to  her  .  this  is  the  Softest  billie  song  (  prob  bc  it  was  for  an  ad skdj )  &  they  inspired  it  bc  it’s  how  she  feels  when  shes with  them  .  they  encourage  her  to  be  all  that  she  can  be  &  they  believe  in  her  ,  &  they’re  prob  the  one  person  sofie  trusts  the  most  which  is  SAYING  something  !!

*exes  on  bad  terms  !!  -   ok  this  would  basically  be  based  on  all  the  songs  billie  has  about  a  failed  relationship  /  heartbreak  !! shes  got  a  bunch  .  im  thnking  maybe  she  was  actually  rly  into  them  but  had  a  hard  time  expressing  it  bc  she’s never  been  good  with  emotional  expression  ,  &  it  led  to  the  relationship  feeling ?? unfaithful  /  disconnected  ??  idk  but  she  rly  loved  them  &  is  still  nursing  that  heartbreak  .  (  x  ,  x  ,  x  )

the  paris  to  her  nicole  !!  -  ok  i  f*cking  hate  that  i  said  this  but  she’s  nicole  richie  its  true  !! she  needs  a  messy  gal  pal  exactly  like  how  paris  &  nicole  are  i  stan  them  (  x  ,  x  ,  x  )

roommate  !!  -  bc  of  her  abandonment  issues  she  rly  doesn’t  like  living  alone  so  prob  is  the  roomie  who  will  sleep  in  their  bed  from  time  to  time  bc  she  doesn’t  like  being  totally  alone  .  

*when  the  party’s  over  !!  - these  two have  been  hooking  up  for  a  while  no  strings  attached  but  recently  feelings  have  been  caught  !! &  now  they  still  hook  up  quite  often  but  sofie’s  kinda  harboring  feelings &  pretending  all  is  well  but  she  rly  hopes  they’ll  just  stay  the  night  from  time  to  time  ,  &  gets  secretly  heartbroken  when  she  sees  them  flirting  or  leaving  with  someone  else  . they  can  also  have  feelings  if  u  want  that  angst :~)

fwb  !!  -  sofie  is  pretty  transparent  when  it  comes  to  what  she  wants  &  she’s  got  a  bad  habit  of  replacing  dealing  with  problems  with  getting  laid  !! like  u  know  in  movies  when  the  man  opens  his  wallet  and  a  row  of  like  20  pictures  of  different  women  fall  out  ??  that’s  sof’s  aesthetic  .  she’s  got  a  bunch  of  fwb  of  all  genders  so  bring  me  some  pls

***mutual  dislike  /  copycat  !!  self - explanatory  ,  sofie  thinks  this  person  is  copying  her  in  everything  she  does  &  thinks  its  annoying  af  so  she  wrote  a  song  abt  it  &  hopes  they  indirectly  get  the  message  even  if  she  drops  not  so  subtle  hints  .  skfldjh  itd  be  messy  pls !!

party  buddies  !!  -  someone  who  encourages  sofies  wild  ways  .  when  the  two  get  together  its  usually  to  get  drunk  or  high  &  thats  the  way  they  like  it  .  sofie  doesn’t  feel  judged  by  them  as  she  does  by  others  who  don’t  get  obliterated  at  every  social  event  (  what  an  idea  !!  )  so  she  rly  values  them  ,  even  if  she  doesn’t  express  it

 ** 8 !! - someone  who  kinda  reluctantly  got  into  a  relationship  with  sofie  out  of  maybe  a  desire  to  save  her  from  herself  ??  like  u  know  that  good  girl  bad  boy  trope  where  the  girl  tries  to  save  the  boy  from  whatever  he’s  struggling  with  ?  that’s  them  but  the  roles  are  just  reversed  -  good  guy  ,  bad  girl  .  it  was  kinda  just  filled  w  her  being  self - destructive  &  confiding  in  him  but  not  rly  reciprocating  the  care  so  he  became  kinda  distant  bc  of  it  .  tbh  she  prob  knew  he  was  too  good  for  her  but  had  a sliver  of  hope  he  wouldn’t  leave  her  even  tho  eventually  she  became  too  much  for  him  .  (  lyrics : you said, "don't treat me badly", but you said it so sadly, so I did the best I could, not thinkin' you would have left me gladly. i know you're not sorry, why should you be? 'cause who am I to be in love, when your love never is for me?” )

good influence  !! this  person  can  tell  that  her  beahvior  is  unhealthy  &  are  trying  to  gently  nudge  her  abt  it  .  she  can  tell  what  they’re  doing  but  her  addict  brain  is  telling  her  its  invasive  &  threatening  so  shes  not  the  fondest  of  this  person  ,  but  deep  down  she  really  appreciates  them

music buddies !! these  two  are  both  in  the  music  industry  &  rather  than  it  being  competitive  ,  they’ve  developed  a  friendship  from  it  & enjoy  working  together  .  

* someone  sofie  ghostwrites  for  !! for  whatever  reason  ,  this  muse  doesn’t  write  their  own  songs  & instead  pays  sofie  to  write  them  for  them  .  she  doesn’t  love  it  but  its  a  way  to  make  money  &  give  away  songs  she  doesn’t  feel  attached  to  but  are  worth  something  .  maybe  its  tense  bc  they  claim  the  songs  as  their  own  &  sofie  doesn’t  like  it  ,  this  could  be  ~escandolo~  later  !!

*** my boy ( high school bf ) !! - ok  tea  this  song  is  the  one  that  broke  her  into  the  industry  .  she  produced  it  all  herself  &  just  relased  it  to  her  soundcloud  thinking  it  wouldn’t  rly  go  anyway  but  !!  joke’s  on  yung sofie  .  essentially  he  thought  the  relationship  was  going  well  ,  she’d  met  his  family  &  they  rly  liked  her  but  !! sof  was  feeling  kinda  smothered  &  told  herself  he  was  lying &  cheating  on  her  n  shit  so  she  wrote  a  song  about  it  !! &  once  it  was  starting  to  get  attention  he  was  like  ….. uhhh  what  the  fuck  & she  was  like  haha  sorry  !! so  they  broke  up  &  ever  since  its  been  animosity ,  but  she  realizes  she  fucked  up  but  it  launched  her  career  so  she  doesn’t  know  whether  to  keep  up  the  idgaf  i  hurt  you  or  apologize  .  

* ex - friends  !!  ok  pls  i  have  this  hc  where  sofie  got  way  too  high  one  night  &  slept  with  this  person’s  dad  or  sibling  or  smth !!  u  know  that  line  in  ‘ bad guy ’  where  she  goes  ‘ might  seduce  your  dad  type  ? ’  ya  that’s  got  sofie  written  ALL  over  it  !!   &  now  they’re  not  friends  bc  sofie  can’t  keep  it  in  her  pants  but  both  sides  kinda  misses  the  other  but  are  too  stubborn  to  say  anything  :~(

exes from college / high school  !!  - ok honestly i just love all the exes plots . gimme someone who like maybe they were hooking up & decided to give it a shot dating & it worked for a while but ultimately fell apart bc of sof’s inability to open up. maybe theres still tension or maybe theyre friends now !!

* lovely  !!  -  i  need  a  male  voice  for  khalid’s  part  in  lovely  bc  i  need  this  song  in  my  life  bc  its  a  whole  ass   sofie  mood  ok  .  

i’ve  also  got  a  wanted  connections  tag  linked  HERE  dksfj there's  not  much  in  it  yet  but  feel  free  to  check  it  out  .  ok  i  love  y'all  

[qupids]

— ✧ that looks like MANON GWYNN! they’re the TWENTY FIVE YEAR OLD CHILD of MEGAN GYWNN ( BIOLOGICAL) & JUBILATION LEE. [ they are also a BARTENDER at the karma club. ] i hear they’re COOL & FASHIONABLE, but tend to be UNREACHABLE & MANIPULATIVE. their file says that their  power is FAIRY PHYSIOLOGY, LIE DETECTION & ILLUSIONS.

        Just found out the entire world doesn’t revolve around me. Shocked and disappointed.

   full bio.     pinterest.   soundtrack.

 here’s her like bulletpoint bio then some badly thought out wcs! thank u next !

history.

Manon gwynn; the eldest of the gwynn’s. Born to a fairy and pixie.

She liked being an older child for the most part, albeit, there was a small time where she was an only child which was great too. But as long as she’s getting attention she’s fine with it.

She’s always been that girl at school, that everyone seemed to just love. ( effortlessly cool, effortlessly chic, the girl everyone wanted to be and every guy wanted to be with. ) this was down to a multitude of things.

1. She’s a compulsive liar, and will spin any web to make people think she’s better than them

2. She can control pheromones.

Conclusion: that and a winning smile, it’s a combination,

People remembered her as that: the cool girl.

They used their popularity for good mostly, but the only good she ever really did was stop anyone from picking on their little sibling. Manon was ( and partially, still is ) the coolest elder sister anyone could ask for. Has it all together at all times. Knows the answer to everything.

Being at the ‘top’ had it’s .. problems too. They were never really interested in guys, sure there was some interest on a romantic level -- but was never really interested in anything beyond making out at best.

But, by the age of 15, it was kind of lame to just say -- ‘oh we made out - - ‘  , one guy asked if they could just say they did it. And thus started manon’s first scam.

It worked well for the compulsive liar, guys would pay her ( extortionate amounts ) to just say that they got together. She got money and the notoriety, and that got whatever man points they needed.

She could buy designer stuff, start rumours about herself that she had a sugar daddy of some kind, and profit off of people she deemed ‘lesser than herself. As long as people were talking about them, she didn’t really care if they liked her or not.

It was also around this time they realised for the first that maybe girls were more of their thing:      it was gaia who first tipped them off, wiping away their tears one day they just wanted to lean in. it was an almost,     something. They were the closest of friends, but the burn across their cheeks when they held hands ?   it was way different from how any of the guys she fake dated with made them feel.

When they were 19 they joined an x-men roster ; or the trainee one. Their powers aren’t the most suited for combat, but the variety made them a good asset to have trained for a situation that needed to arise.

They  didn’t  like  this, not being the main heavy hitter of the team. The center or star. Putting her at odds with the rest of the assigned  ‘ team. ‘

It made them brash, reckless, and for the first time: this persona of the ‘cool’ girl who had everything together slipped. Broke and crack. They couldn’t manipulate their teammates through their illusions to make them seem better,   they saw the raw her, and she was hating it. How open they wer with gaia, with the team.

The last brick was the attack,          sure, they were acting recklessly nonetheless --     but her wings?     Her wings were her pride and joy.   And nothing, not crippling loneliness,  not her chronic nose bleeding, nothing was more embarrassing and painful then getting her one defining trait ripped from her shoulder blades.

She was 21 when she ran away from the x-men’s medical bay, jumped on a motorcycle and just sped away. Changed their name to cupid, and started spinning their biggest web of lies yet.

They fell into crowds of scam artists, who taught her tricks ; she remembers one tight group well, used them as a central base amongst her own … well . everything,

She spent the last 4 years pretending to be an instagram model, one of those ‘thots’ with a private snapchat and always seem to be vacationing and ‘finding herself.’

She missed the birth of her niece, in fact, didn’t even know they had one till she showed up with a suitcase, an entirely new personalty. And a new set of wings.

She’s full of secrets, a walking enigma, a scam upon a ponzy scheme upon 4 unsolved murder cases upon , : /

She used to be on david’s team for a hot sec n now she’s back w seemingly more powers and just here to be that bitch n get her spot back

In conclusion: that elusive bitch who never acts the same way 2 more than 1 person, seems effortlessly cool n better than u, cares only abt her little sibling n her pocket knife. The rest of u can die i guess : //

[ Character inspo: caroline from snotgirl, olive from easy a, sailor mars ]

Her coffee order is a half caf cold brew with no fat almond milk and one pump lavender syrup.

Although her name is manon;   she’s gone by cupid for the last 5 years and sometimes mixes up what name she gives to someone.

wcs.

Platonic !

      Childhood x-men friends : people she would have met at high school and known who the ‘past’ manon is -- maybe less likely to believe some of her .. crazy ass stories

People who were also involved in one of those past scams : paid to say they slept together,   robbed something together ? u know those kind of things.

Gaslighter : she’s a chronic lier,  and unfortunately that sometimes involves having to twist other peoples memories of an event to make it more believable.

Manon whomst? : manon changes her name, her story like the wind, so this one is super malleable, just someone who knows her by a different name  -- met her during a scam, 

Rich girl squad : manon is rich, but she pretends to be, god does she pretend to be. Like little J in the first season of gossip girl she’s ruining her life to keep up this illusion so i’d love this group of rich ppl she’s desperately tryna keep up with !

That one person she’s an honest bitch 2 : they probably saw her breakdown one day and was like omg wtf, manon doesn’t even open up but they like pet her w a brom or smth like .. . . there there .. ..  . . .

Toxic friends: but manon is the toxic friend just bc no one checks her behaviour ever and she’s just allowed to act like vinegar constantly.

Romantic !

Exes  : if it was highschool, they would have all been male -- but more recently she’s started dating a couple of girls. Probably were more along the lines of flings than anything else. / open 2  a lot !

Going off exes - her first actual time w a guy that ended w her stoping halfway thru and it’s probably rlly awkward like dam was it rlly that bad: i imagine the 2 are close friends now, best buds

[sleepinglightt]

EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE 150 QUESTIONS

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?My most recent ex

2. Are you outgoing or shy?I’d say I’m pretty outgoing

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?Mainly my dad, 2 more weeks!! I’m super excited

4. Are you easy to get along with?I think so? I talk a lot so I probably get annoying but then again there’s always a conversation so 🤷🏻‍♀️

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?I think so

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?People with positive energies, cute smiles, and nice hearts

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?Who knows man, I’m pretty emotionally damaged though. I have a lot of baggage.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?My dad, I miss him.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?Nope.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?Faith

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?“It just really grinds my gears”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?-down 4 u by blackbear-gorgeous by mansionz-surprise party by hoodie allen -ivy by frank ocean-dead roses by blackbear (I love blackbear ok I’m sorry his voice just makes me happy and I can relate with the whole people screwing you over aesthetic)

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?Uhhh yes

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?I believe in miracles, but I don’t believe in luck bc I think everything happens for a reason

15. What good thing happened this summer?Pride, I learned a lot about myself, and I got to be in a cool show with some cool people

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?No comment next question pls

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?I think there’s gotta be, the universe is just too big dude.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?No, but funny story I literally only thought he was cool bc we bonded over Chris brown and Halloween town and i was in like 1st grade. Honestly my first REAL crush on a girl who was my best friend and I thought she was an angel tbh

19. Do you like bubble baths?Yup, but I have to at least wash off my body before I take a bath bc I don’t like soaking in my own dirt ya feel

20. Do you like your neighbors?I don’t really know them, one of them is this kinda cool old guy though. He picks up twigs and leaves every morning, pretty dope dude if you ask me.

21. What are you bad habits?I get attached to easily, but I also distance myself a lot when people get to close bc I have trust issues. Like whenever anyone gets too close I freak out bc I don’t know how to handle emotions and I always try to break up with them before they hurt me.

22. Where would you like to travel?I wanna go to the red wood forest in Cali and I’d like to go somewhere where there’s a black sand beach bc I think those are pretty cool.

23. Do you have trust issues?I have major trust issues wdym

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?Sleeping

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?The fact it doesn’t work properly is kind of a bummer and it pisses me off. Look wise, I’m not too fond of my nose tbh. It’s kinda big and triangular and I used to think I looked like phineas.

26. What do you do when you wake up?On school days I normally try to wait a minute so I can see how much feeling I have in my legs before I stand up. Sometimes I fall over or whatever but it’s cool. On week ends and days I have doctors appointments I sleep in and then I lay in bed for like 30 mins to an hour and do stuff on my phone.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?I don’t really care tbh

28. Who are you most comfortable around?My closest friends

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?Yeah

30. Do you ever want to get married?Yup

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?My hair is long enough for like 3 ponytails

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?Ellen page and missy peregrym

33. Spell your name with your chin.Wo fMy name is Alex, but I tried

34. Do you play sports? What sports?I used to play softball and I was in love with it, but then I quit for theatre and music.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?Tv

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?I normally tell people, but sometimes I don’t

37. What do you say during awkward silences?I normally make a stupid joke

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?Uhhhhh next question plS

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?target and thrift stores. Especially value villages, I always find cool stuff at value village.

40. What do you want to do after high school?I’m gonna go to college, I recently have been considering doing pre med and then going to medical school but who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?I think some people do, and I think some people have to prove that they deserve a second chance, but then there are people that don’t deserve even a first chance let alone a second chance.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?I’m either thinking or I’m trying to keep my mouth shut so I don’t say something mean

43. Do you smile at strangers?I always smile when I make eye contact

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?Space my dude

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?Sometimes I don’t get out of bed tbh, like today I didn’t get out of bed except to go to the bathroom and to take a shower. Most of the time it’s just bc of school

46. What are you paranoid about?Everything

47. Have you ever been high?Nope

48. Have you ever been drunk?Nope

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?Not that I know of

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?It’s rainbow tie dye

51. Ever wished you were someone else?Sometimes, but most of the time I’m happy in my own body

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?I wish I could learn to trust people better and let them in. I tend to isolate myself a lot, even from the people in my house because I’ve been hurt so much that it’s hard to trust people tbh

53. Favourite makeup brand?I really love Anastasia Beverly Hills but I also love tarte and kat von d 🤷🏻‍♀️

54. Favourite store?Target

55. Favourite blog?I have a couple, @thequeerexpoditionist @sapphic-sage @brianniscute and all of the lesbian blogs

56. Favourite colour?Yellow

57. Favourite food? Noodles

58. Last thing you ate?A ho ho bc I’m a ho ho

59. First thing you ate this morning?I had pancakes

60. Ever won a competition? For what?I won some tournaments in softball, does that count?

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?Nope I’m a good noodle

62. Been arrested? For what?Never

63. Ever been in love? Yeah

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?It was in a church parking lot and I bumped teeth with the guy and it was awkward, shortly after I broke up with him for my first girlfriend oops

65. Are you hungry right now?Not really

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?I don’t really have a lot of tumblr friends tbh

67. Facebook or Twitter?Twitter bc I love the tea

68. Twitter or Tumblr?Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?Nope

70. Names of your bestfriends? Briann, faith, and Elizabeth

71. Craving something? What?I’m craving a cuddle buddy bc it’s cold and I just wanna lay on someone’s chest

72. What colour are your towels?They’re multi colored

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?Okay so I’m weird and I have like 5 pillows on my bed but when I go to sleep I don’t use any of them

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?Yeah don’t judge me

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?Probably like 10-15 but a lot of them are in my closet (just like me)

75. Favourite animal?I really love dogs, they make me happy. I also really love cats though. I LOVE ALL ANIMALS HONESTLY

76. What colour is your underwear?It’s blue

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?Swirl ;) just kidding I like vanilla

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?Vanilla with strawberries in it

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?It’s grey and it has dogs on it

80. What colour pants?I’m wearing black shorts

81. Favourite tv show?The x files, but I’ve recently been watching the good doctor and it’s really good!

82. Favourite movie?Dead poets society orrrr perks of being a wallflower

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?Mean girls what kind of question is that

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?I’ve never seen all of 21 jumpstreet so I guess mean girls

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?Gretchen, I can relate to her anger

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?Either the starfish, the puffer fish, or the little squid girl

87. First person you talked to today?Faith

88. Last person you talked to today?So far it’s been Faith

89. Name a person you hate?I don’t talk about him

90. Name a person you love?Briann!

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?Not really?

92. In a fight with someone?I don’t think so

93. How many sweatpants do you have?Like 1 pair no joke

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?Too many

95. Last movie you watched?THE NEW SAW MOVIE OMG

96. Favourite actress?Ellen page bc I have a crush on her

97. Favourite actor?Zachary Quinto bc I love him and he was great in Star Trek plus heS GAY

98. Do you tan a lot?I don’t tan, ever.

99. Have any pets?I have a dog named gizmo but he doesn’t love me as much as I love him :((

100. How are you feeling?Like crap, same as usual

101. Do you type fast?On my phone? Yes. On my laptop? No.

102. Do you regret anything from your past?I regret a lot of things, but ya gotta learn one way or another 🤷🏻‍♀️

103. Can you spell well?I think so

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?I guess so

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?Yup

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?Unfortunately I think so

107. Have you ever been on a horse?Yeah

108. What should you be doing?I should be writing an essay

109. Is something irritating you right now?Not really

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?Yeah

111. Do you have trust issues?Um yeah I already answered this oneeeee

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?I don’t even remember I try not to cry in front of people

113. What was your childhood nickname?I used to get called Grace in softball bc I always tripped over my own feet and I’d constantly get hurt lmao

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?Yup thank god

115. Do you play the Wii?I haven’t played the wii in forever but I bet I’d still kick ass in wii tennis

116. Are you listening to music right now?Nope

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?I love chicken noodle soup bc I love noodles

118. Do you like Chinese food?Yes yes yes

119. Favourite book?Right now it’s probably diary of an oxygen thief, but looking for Alaska is still my all time fav

120. Are you afraid of the dark?Kinda I get The Spooks™

121. Are you mean?Sometimes I can be really mean, most of the time it isn’t intentional and I feel bad but sometimes it’s well deserved

122. Is cheating ever okay?Nope

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?Probably not, I don’t own a pair of white shoes though

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?Nah

125. Do you believe in true love?Yeah

126. Are you currently bored?Not really

127. What makes you happy?Coffee, genuine hugs, dogs, hiking, the way the sun feels on a chilly day, good grades, sleeping, ya know the usual stuff

128. Would you change your name?I used to hate my name, but now I think it’s pretty cool

129. What your zodiac sign?I’m a Gemini with a rising Scorpio

130. Do you like subway?Not really

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?Next question

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?Faith

133. Favourite lyrics right now?“And you give good head, make daddy real proud of you” bc the way blackbear says it is really cool and I wish someone would give me good head and call me daddy

134. Can you count to one million?Probably not lmao

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?I’ve told a lot of dumb lies I think it’s a pretty human thing to do

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?I have to sleep with them open and I hate it bc I get really paranoid

137. How tall are you?I’m 5’6

138. Curly or Straight hair?I have straight hair but I think curly hair is really pretty

139. Brunette or Blonde?I have a thing for brunettes

140. Summer or Winter?Winter

141. Night or Day?I feel inclined to say night, but I like doing things during the day so idk

142. Favourite month?Used to be December but someone had to fuck it up for me so idk

143. Are you a vegetarian?No, I’m trying to be though

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?All chocolate, I don’t discriminate against chocolate

145. Tea or Coffee?Coffee, but I really love sweet iced tea

146. Was today a good day?Not really

147. Mars or Snickers?Snickers

148. What’s your favourite quote?“We’re all homos” - michael Scott

149. Do you believe in ghosts?Kinda yeah

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “But thanks to AA I had signed a new lease of life and I was determined to use it” -diary of an oxygen thief

[cin-gineska]

1-150!

Bc I have all the time in the world so I’m going to answer all of theses lmao 1. Who was the last person you held hands with? This rlly cute girl! I pretended my hands were cold so I could hold hers 
2. Are you outgoing or shy? shy b 
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Dua Lipa 😬
4. Are you easy to get along with?i think so?
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? my crush
6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Ppl who are attracted to me 
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? I hope so
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? I don’t think about men
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Nope 
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My sister 
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “I’m not home” 
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? Only you, IDGAF, genesis, garden, hotter than hell
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Yes it’s my fav
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Yes 
15. What good thing happened this summer? Broke off a toxic relationship 
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Nope
17. Do you think there is life on other planets? Of course 
18. Do you still talk to your first crush? Lmao no
19. Do you like bubble baths? YES
20. Do you like your neighbors? I’ve never talked to them! But sure
21. What are you bad habits? I bite my nails way too much 
22. Where would you like to travel? Costa Rica! 
23. Do you have trust issues? Yes
24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Power naps 
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?my nose and booty
26. What do you do when you wake up? Cry 
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? My skin color is perfect 
28. Who are you most comfortable around? My sister 
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Yes 
30. Do you ever want to get married? Of course 
31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?yes 
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Lauren Jauregui and Camila Cabello bishhh 
33. Spell your name with your chin. Cubdt
34. Do you play sports? What sports? Nope 
35. Would you rather live without TV or music? Tv 
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? The person I like now doesn’t know I like them 
37. What do you say during awkward silences? Some random awkward shit 
38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Idk?? Cute and nice 
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? 5 and below! I’m a bitch on a budget 
40. What do you want to do after high school? What I’m doing rn, going to college 
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Depends on what they did 
42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean? Probably one of those days 
43. Do you smile at strangers? All the time 
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Outer space! The ocean scares me 
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? I get to see my kids after school 
46. What are you paranoid about? Ending up alone 
47. Have you ever been high? Yup
48. Have you ever been drunk? All the time lmao 
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? Umm maybe 
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?grey 
51. Ever wished you were someone else? Yeah 
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? My nose 
53. Favourite makeup brand? Tarte 
54. Favourite store? 5 n below 
55. Favourite blog? Mine 
56. Favourite colour? Red and pink 
57. Favourite food? Chicken strips 
58. Last thing you ate? Corn dogs 
59. First thing you ate this morning? I haven’t ate yet 
60. Ever won a competition? For what? I stood on one leg longer than anyone else when I was in cheer
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? Nope 
62. Been arrested? For what?nah 
63. Ever been in love? Unfortunately 
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? Yikes ok! I saw my ex for the first time when she spent the night at my house and we kisses when we first saw each other in front of my house 
65. Are you hungry right now? Not really 
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? I don’t have friends 
67. Facebook or Twitter? Twitter 
68. Twitter or Tumblr?tumblr 
69. Are you watching tv right now?no I’m in my car skipping class 
70. Names of your bestfriends? My mom and sister Irene 
71. Craving something? What? Dr Pepper 
72. What colour are your towels? Such an odd question, but the last one I used was a blue Olaf one 
72. How many pillows do you sleep with?3
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? My pillow pet
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? Like 7
75. Favourite animal? Fish 
76. What colour is your underwear? Pink with lots of hearts 
77. Chocolate or Vanilla?chocolate 
78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Chocolate 
79. What colour shirt are you wearing?grey 
80. What colour pants?black 
81. Favourite tv show? The walking dead 
82. Favourite movie? 500 days of summer 
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Mean girls 
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? Mean girls 
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Regina 
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Dory 
87. First person you talked to today? My brother 
88. Last person you talked to today?my mom
89. Name a person you hate? My cousin
90. Name a person you love? My sister 
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? My cousin always 
92. In a fight with someone? Not really 
93. How many sweatpants do you have? Like 100009
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? 10282920
95. Last movie you watched? Boss baby
96. Favourite actress? I’ve always loved Jennifer Lawrence as an actor 
97. Favourite actor? Robert Downey jr
98. Do you tan a lot? Never my skin color is already tan 
99. Have any pets? A fish 
100. How are you feeling? Sick 
101. Do you type fast? Yes
102. Do you regret anything from your past? So many things 
103. Can you spell well? Yes 
104. Do you miss anyone from your past? Nope 
105. Ever been to a bonfire party?yes
106. Ever broken someone’s heart? Unfortunately 
107. Have you ever been on a horse? A pony
108. What should you be doing? In class but I’m skipping bc I feel awful 
109. Is something irritating you right now? My vagina hurts(I’m on my period)
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? YES ATM!!!!! 
111. Do you have trust issues? Yup
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? I think my mom 
113. What was your childhood nickname? Sicky 
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yes 
115. Do you play the Wii?not really 
116. Are you listening to music right now?yes 
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?yes 
118. Do you like Chinese food?yes
119. Favourite book? Piece of cake 
120. Are you afraid of the dark?yes lmao
121. Are you mean? Kind of 
122. Is cheating ever okay?never 
123. Can you keep white shoes clean?no
124. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes
125. Do you believe in true love?yes
126. Are you currently bored?yes
127. What makes you happy?my family 
128. Would you change your name? No
129. What your zodiac sign? Pisces! Can u tell 
130. Do you like subway?no 
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? I’m a lesbian sorry
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?my sister 
133. Favourite lyrics right now? IDKKKK
134. Can you count to one million? I’ve never tried! Probably 
135. Dumbest lie you ever told? Told someone I liked them so they could buy me valentines gifts 
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed 
137. How tall are you?5”3
138. Curly or Straight hair? Straight 
139. Brunette or Blonde?brunette
140. Summer or Winter?winter 
141. Night or Day? Day
142. Favourite month?march
143. Are you a vegetarian?nooe
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?dark
145. Tea or Coffee? Tea
146. Was today a good day?nopw
147. Mars or Snickers? Snickers 
148. What’s your favourite quote? Idk
149. Do you believe in ghosts?yes
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? (via catscuddlingandyou)” he crossed the room,opens drawers,assesses sundries and wrinkled clothes as I slip”””””

[letterstoandrew]

The day after your funeral

Idk how we move on from this. From what you left us with. I feel like this is some how you getting one over on us again. That you're gone and here we are at a loss for your big presence. Listen, alright, you were right. You ARE the smartest, funniest, most handsome dude who we should know and assume just knows everything. You ultimately weren't wrong. And while I never knew you to feel bad or regretful about much of anything, I don't think you'd feel good about what you left us with. What I do think you'd get a laugh over is how you always claimed you were "the worst" but in the end you were in fact the best. So you win on that one broski. You also got another one over on me by leaving before I had the chance to properly give you the business for all these other things you did right before you were taken and I found out after. I feel like you'd get a good chuckle out of that too and say something along the lines of, well ya bro we both know I generally am the worst and always get what I want.

Almost always anyways broseph. I now know a lot more about the things that you wanted. This is where my heart breaks the most. I am not sure why you didnt share those things with me. I had always prided in that our friendship was always open and honest but at the end there were quite a few things that came forward that ultimately question that.

Idk why you didnt tell me more about how happy you were with your gf and the kids. Or for that matter that she had kids. And on top of that, that you were moving in with her. You were one of my best friends and I was already so happy for you that you were dating her. And I feel like I was robbed the opportunity to be even happier for you. One of the last conversations we had in person was I hugged you and told you how happy I was for you. And you said, I know bro. You said that you felt like when people really mean that, it doesn't need to be said but that you respected that I'm the type of person that needs to say it. I am not sure why you didn't feel the need or want to really share with me how happy you indeed were.

I also don't know why you reopened my feelings door for you after I had closed it and moved on and it was so unfortunately timed. Idk why you told me what you did, maybe I should feel thankful?? And I had trusted in what you said and then that ended up being taken back or buried or idk. Idk what you did with it and why you even brought it the fuck up. I wish you hadn't. Because I had all of these feelings and then when I learned all of the other things that have been going on for months, i realized you were never really mine to love.

I felt so alone and on the outside at your services. No one knew me before that moment. I felt like you kept me, our feelings for each other, and ultimately our friendship in this private little bubble. That no one really knew. I never advertised anything with you because I knew you were a private a person (at least with me anyways I am finding) and so no one but my closest friends even knew what we were. And even now I feel like I have to hide whatever it was that we existed as truly. I don't even really know what it was truly anymore anyways. And any hurt feelings I have ultimately do not matter because you're gone. I don't even have it in me to rise enough to get mad at you. I just feel confused. Sad. Mourning. And mostly I am overwhelmed with sadness about the feelings of loss your gf feels and your family feels. Again, none of whom you ever shared with me while you were living.

You and I had multiple conversations about how disconnected I was with other ppl in your life and if anything bad happened how would I ever find out? I asked you multiple times to keep an in case of emergency contact list with my number on it so someone would know to call me. Literally a week before you died I had this convo again with you. I told you I'd probably find out in passing on the rugby facebook chat I'm in because someone somewhere saw it on FB. And you know fucking what? That's exactly how it happened you asshole. I found out in a facebookchat from people who didn't even know I knew you as intimately as I did. And thank God I did. Otherwise, how would I have ever known?

Idk why you said you had so much love and respect for me and then kept me so distant from everything. You didnt even tell me you had younger siblings. I also found that out on fb. Oh or that you were engaged before you and I dated. I met her at your viewing. And I was overwhelmed with her hurt too. I knew she had to have been who you were living with when we had our 1st date. But I didnt know it was as serious as that.

I have been lucky enough that your family and gf has been overwhelming kind to me. That they have welcomed me and gave me love as best they can but ultimately they are grieving the most and only have so much they are able to give. How can I ask of them to have to be there for me too? I feel selfish. So really, I have been grieving by myself. This makes me angry too. You alienated me so much from all these important things in your life which left me alone and outside in the end. I cannot tell you how shitty that has felt. And then yeah literally, I cannot tell you, so it then too just seems pointless. It all seems so pointless. The only real steady emotions I have is how much I miss you. How much I love you. How much I love the people who loved you like your gf and your family and friends. Man this sucks. And man you suck for some of this.

Idk dudeski. I still can't believe it, don't understand why, and am so at a lost for you. Anything that reminds me of you, which is a fucking lot, makes me nauseous with grief. I hate eating because food was such a big part of you. I hate having coffee. I hate seeing something funny and all I want to do is send it to you. I make myself listen to the podcasts you suggested and I hate that too. I've been listening to ones on grief. One girl said she would scroll through her contacts just searching for someone who would appreciate the joke as much as the person she lost would. That's how I feel with you. That no one will appreciate it as much as you would have. It's "intents"....like camping. I know you hated that shitty ass joke that I shared with you constantly.

I hate having to hold myself back from contacting you bc there's nothing to contact. You were there in that room but you weren't. It looked like you but didn't. Your body didn't feel like your body. Only your hair felt right. Only your hair felt like you. It broke my heart to hear your gf share the small things I overheard about you. About your mustache, about the goals you had with each other. I am most mad about this. That this was taken away. I wanted those things for you. I always told you that your happiness was important to me and that's all I wanted for you like any true broski. Looking at how you were with them, I felt like I was looking at your true self. Like you had found happiness. And I so wanted that for you and now its been taken away from not just you but them. And that makes me so mad. It is such an injustice to them and to you. I don't understand.

And you know I am a polite person, so I would never take it away from someone who believed it, but I know you're just gone. That's it. Just like that. You were not one to believe in god or anything of the sort. So it felt so odd at your service. Your brother said it best, you would have been pissed. But like I told you bro ( and you jokingly said the same thing back to me) not everything is about you. And that service wasn't for you really, it was for everyone else. So maybe really in the end we got one over on you. That doesn't feel good though. I'd rather you were here. I wish I would have shared at your service. I didn't feel it was my place since no one knew me. I felt like we weren't saying enough but at the same time we never will be able to. All of this was so unexpected. I have never met someone so full of vigor and life before. You were unstoppable, immovable, unshakable. It shouldn't have been you. It wasn't your time. It just wasn't yet. Life did such an injustice in doing that to you. In doing that everyone who loved you. I fucking hate it. I absolutely fucking hate everything about it and there isn't anything I can do about it. But write these letters to you who will never read them. Damnit you're #theworst and yet not at all. Such a beautiful complicated SOB and I know you're pleased by that. Miss you bro. Forever. Everyday.