#I’m not making a whole new blog tho I’ll get too burnt out

[eldritchdemonfox]

ever made a oc specifically for a rp

Yeah

[dbtskills]

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

idk about y’all but the holiday was mega rough for me as per usual. I’m a sad noodle on the up and up but I wanted to drop by and talk a little bit about DBTskills’ plan for 2021. 

I’m currently applying to grad school so hopefully I’ll be in school by the fall and hella stressed. That sweet spot in between app deadlines & school start is going to see some changes here on the blog tho.

More Original Skills Content

This is literally always a goal but I think it’ll actually happen this time. My literal job is to write about DBT (hint: I’m revamping the official dbtselfhelp.com for debut in April) so I was a little too burnt out to do the same on this blog. Luckily, this overlap makes me better and more efficient at writing about skills so I’m going to use that to bring some more skills posts to you.

Skils on Instagram

I try hard to keep activity going on instagram. I want to bring some of the skills posts from here on Tumblr over to insta. I’m gonna look into free social media tools to help (any recs out there?) make managing insta easy.

Podcast

Yes, here it comes. I’ve had some mild interest in starting a DBT Skills podcast. I think I’m actually going to do it. I confess that I’m not really a podcast person so this should be w i l d. I might do a video-podcast fusion format bc I think I’m more compelling with video lol. Content will be a mix of DBT skills, personal experiences, and general mental health stuff. It’s not going to be a skill-by-skill work through of the Book bc that’s too much like my work and some other great podcasts out there. 

These are my goals for DBT Skills 2021. I run this blog/insta in my spare time which I *should* (wow judgment) have more of bc I work part time but it gets eaten up by the whole ‘taking care of my mental health’ thing. Enthusiasm from you guys makes me work harder on this blog (less screaming into the void, ya feel?) so let me know what you’re excited about, what you want, what you don’t want, etc. Send me your thoughts lads. & have a very skillful 2021 :)

[dcarhcarts]

regarding recent absences

And other such updates!

If you want the tl;dr, here it is: my mental health isn’t in the greatest place right now, and I figured I ought to explain why I must ask you for continued patience for the snail speed on this blog. I’m not announcing official hiatus, but just know that I...might continue to be pretty scarce, but I’m trying my best to be here and to be writing here. To hopefully get me more active here, I plan on dropping a few threads and cleaning out my dash re: people who follow me but aren’t writing with me. You’re more than welcome to keep following me if I unfollow you, and if you want to write with me and just haven’t gotten the chance and would like me to re-follow you, pls just go ahead and shoot me an im. I will be making a separate post about both those things, it’s just that I can’t deal with how fast my dash is moving at the moment.

If you care for the long version, under the cut so as to not bother everyone else!!! Be warned that it’s uh...it’s l o n g. TW for depression and anxiety and the general things my brain does to me lolol. 

Wow I haven’t used the post title function in a l o n g time. Anyway, hi, it’s me, Ro, your friendly neighborhood mun of a 20+ muse mumu. Don’t let the kind-of-serious format scare you - nothing bad is happening. I just have a few things that I felt the need to address that have been happening either in my life or just in my screwed up brain :D Buckle in and get ready for the ride, I guess?

Starting with something y’all already know about - I’ve not been here a lot recently. I joke about that a lot, but really, if you catch the pattern, my activity here is: exclusively after 10 pm, 2 drafts at most a day, inbox straight up clogged from like a month ago. IMS basically desolate, because I haven’t worked up the courage to pick them back up since I last forgot about them in the endless stream of things I had to do about a month ago! (that being said, uh, if you want to talk to me your best bet is probably through discord. Ro#6782 - pls, mutuals only, and tell me who you are!)  

And - because I h a t e being that mun that reblogs memes and asks for for them and then never answers their askbox / puts out starter calls when she has 10000 drafts / puts out plotting calls when she has unanswered ims, (no problem at all when other people do this but somehow when it’s m e I’m like “no you’re a terrible person”???? hmmm), I’ve also been avoiding t h o s e. If you’re new and you followed me in the last month, I’ve been putting out n o t h i n g that indicates a willingness to interact with new/more people, while the opposite is true. I’m always willing to interact - if I follow back, I want to write with you, only, well, aforementioned issue aside, I also have m o r e problems.

Namely, IRL and the fucked up thing called my brain. 

As most of you know, I got a job ~end of may or early juuuune~ and....well it’s pretty damn time consuming. I can’t have my phone during the course of my job - by the way, 4 hours - and so in those 4 hours (from 4 pm to 8 pm) I can basically get nothing done here. Then there’s also the fact that the time my shift is placed mentally and physically drains me a lot. Because it starts at 4, most of my morning is spent thinking “god I don’t wanna go to work” and because it ends at 8, most of my evening is spent trying very hard not to doze off. It also drains me a lot socially - I work at a call center, and all day I’m basically calling people who don’t want me to call them and are very irate even when they pick up, and uh, that already doesn’t do well for my anxiety haha. 

The other thing, of course - is my sort-of-seasonal depression. Winter tends to equate to anxiety for me, and summer tends to equate to depression. Again, I think I’ve joked about this a lot, but I apparently can only do drafts when I have 3 finals tomorrow and I haven’t studied for any of them. When it’s break, I get into a really weird slump - when i wake up in the morning, I don’t really want to wake up, and sometimes just stare at the wall for like, an hour. Nothing that I enjoyed during the other months, I seem to enjoy doing now. There’s too much time and too little time. It’s like i spent the whole day doing absolutely nothing meaningful but I can’t break myself out of the cycle so I keep doing that, rinse and repeat day after day, and sometimes my definition of spending time is just lying down in bed again and doing nothing for an hour randomly in the middle of the day. I feel guilty for wasting time as much as I am clueless as to how to fill it in a fulfilling way. “But Ro, you could do drafts!” A Concerned Person May Say. “You like writing!” Well, Kind Person, on some of these days, absolutely n o t h i n g Sparks Joy. 

“But Ro, I follow you on your other blog too!” The Concerned Person might continue.“You’re kind of active there, aren’t you?” And the answer, Kind Person who supported my career even if that blog is mostly obscure af fandoms - is yes.  I am kind of active on my other blog, @storyblcd. This brings us to the third and final reason why I’m.....moving at snail’s speed here, and that, my good friend - is anxiety. Well, mixed with a certain amount of mental exhaustion, of course. Note: this is n o t anyone’s fault. People’s interactions with me have not been negative - and they are not responsible for how my brain chooses to reaact to it. 

I’ve not lost muse for the muses on this blog, per se - but I’m getting burned out really fast writing them, for multiple reasons. First, muse imbalance. Now I know, I definitely k n o w - that sometimes people like one muse more than another, or have more interest in writing with one or the other, and I get that. I’ve said multiple multiple times that that is p e r f e c t l y fine. But honestly the reason I’ve lasted so long on a multimuse is because I can pick which muse I have muse for when, and I can respond accordingly / ask for interactions accordingly. But when I get so many people coming at me at once for the o n e muse when I have t w e n t y it sometimes gets a little? Discouraging? It makes me question whether or not only that one muse is popular for a reason. It also exhausts me re: the portrayal of that muse, because I”m putting out so many replies for that muse in a lot of sort of similar plots/scenarios that I just get burnt right out. And then I get scared that if I keep going I’ll want to drop the muse, so I’m staying away from those threads a little bit.

Second, I’m at a point in my portrayal of certain muses where I feel like there’s a certain expectation for how it’s going to be. My personal feelings aside, I think every mun expects their own portrayal to be different and unique and exciting - and it’s not different for me, only now I feel like the expectation and the pressure of coming up with something good and meaningful outweighs the feeling of exploration as I’m “discovering” the muse. Like most writers - I still crave validation, though more and more lately, I’m at a place in my writing where I f e e l like me from 2 months ago could have probably done a better job. While it’s not necessarily true, and these pressures are coming from m e and not any outside source, I f e e l like I have to consistently Make Good Writing, and simultaneously feel like some days I sit down and I try to do drafts and all I write is garbage. It just - doesn’t feel the same? So - more and more, I’m staring at the empty drafts page and then closing it - because if I don’t w r i t e I don’t have to admit I peaked two months ago.  

Both of these reasons have made me rather a bit avoidant of my muses here / this blog. Now, I’ve been struggling with anxiety for long enough that I know that a lot of this is - well, p r o b a b l y just my brain lying to me. See even as I’m writing this post now, my anxiety is saying “haha guess what n o one cares you’ve been gone” and my rational Anxiety-is-a-stupid-asshole voice is saying “nahhhhhh your brain is probably just lying to you.” But! In the battle, anxiety is kind of pummeling me now. I will r i s e again and win the war, most likely - but for now it’s anxiety: 1 and ro: 0.

AND finally - if you made it all the way down here, you’re a c h a m p. The solution! Well, as much of a solution as I’m hoping to get anyway - we’ll have to see if it implements well. I’m going to unfollow a few blogs so I can get my dash cleaner/more organized/less fast-moving and b r e a t h e. I’m going to drop a couple of threads, I might make a couple more muses request only/exclusive only for the like 2 people that have threads with them, I might drop a couple muses (though I don’t think this will really happen, Idk tho). There will be separate posts on those things coming soon, this is just to notify y’all. Thank you for all of your patience, thank you for all the wonderful people who’ve allowed me to write with you, I love all of you!!!!

[159potterhead]

Oh! There you are **sighs in relief** Thanks for letting me know about it. That's a relief to know coz I was lurking around your blog for sometime to keep a check. I'll keep that mind I didn't know you queue posts. And it's okay I understand and if you are busy or if you need a break anytime you can tell me. Oh! It must be a little hectic for you but I'm sure you'll figure it out :))💕

Can I ask you something? You remember last time when I told you to guess my blog that was because I was kinda suspectious that you might know who I am. And now once again I'm thinking you're onto figuring it out so I wanna know if by mistake I've sent any ask with my ture identity or if you're pulling the Sherlock thing on me. Please don't ask me why👀

The comfort food concept is new to me but I do like French fries a lot. What's your comfort food or your favourite food?🤔🤔

And I remembered that question which I was going to ask. Okay so is there any second language you would like to learn? Or any language you have incredible love for? (I'm assuming English is your first language coz you know all the songs and you are very good at it)

For me I still have to learn whole English. And I do love French and Spanish a lot. But I never thought about learning them as Language the only other language I tried to learn was Elvish coz lotr and I love elves.

I love you too 💖✨💖✨ A lot. **With tears in my eyes** I love you. I loved the whole Tumblr because of you. You changed me Dean.😘😘😘 (Sorry I got carried away I was just watching the edit of 15x18😭😭 still hurts soo much)

P.s I've noticed sometimes while writing few of my words gets lost coz I think I wrote them but apparently I didn't and I'm glad you understand me I'll try to not do that but sometimes I get excited and words may get lost😅😅

🎶I walk this empty road the only one that I've ever known don't where it goes but it's only mean and I walk alone🎶

*peeks from behind curtain* hello! yeah, i’m sorry I didn’t let you know. oh no I doubt i’ll ever be too busy for you<3

I mean that would be hard to know since I don’t know what your true identity is. and wait seriously? you think I’m close to figuring out who you are?? I can assure you that I have the faintest clue😂😅 okay see now I feel kinda dumb cause that means it’s so obvious and i’m missing it! but ig that’s good since I want to keep this anon thing going.

thanks now i’m craving french fries! >:( my comfort food changes depending on my mood ahah but I think it’s semi-burnt toast with a heaping spread of peanut butter😋

yay!! believe it or not, english is not my first language. it is veeeery close second tho so that explain why it seems like my mother tongue. I think I’d like to be fluent in spanish or french. however, a language I have incredible love for could be latin🤔

well you are extraordinarily excellent at english, if that makes you feel reassured!!💞 oh cmon you love the two languages I wanna learn, soulmates!!! ooh that’s so you!😄 have you made progress? show me what you learned, maybe we could flirt in elvish👀

jajsksk you did not just do that!😭😭💖✨💖ughhh I feel you😭💔 okay time for a clown to clown question, be honest: do you have the entire confession scene memorized or are you normal?

oh don’t you worry about it😁;) I totally get it. and besides, a few words won’t change the whole sentence 180 degrees, will it? so please continue getting excited my beloved😚

🎶I remember when I first noticed that you liked me back, we were sitting down in a restaurant waiting for the check🎶💕

[submissivejungkook]

About Me Again (Lowkey addicted to questionnaires)

Full name : Alyssa >.>

Zodiac sign : Gemini

3 Fears : Spiders, the dark, heights

3 things I love : BTS, writing, sleeping

4 turns ons : Being called baby girl/princess, someone who smells amazing, butt grabs/slaps, and neck kisses

4 turns offs : Bad odor, huge flirts, bad grammar, and try-hards

My best friend : I have a few best friends~

Sexual orientation : Pansexual

My best first date : My best first REAL date was.. dinner and a movie with @daddyoppa​

How tall am I : 5′4, I think

What do I miss : Being little

What time were I born : Idk

Favourite colour : Black, purple, red, white.. I have so many. 

Do I have a crush: Yep~

Favourite quote: “Love is louder than the pressure to be perfect” but there are others, too. So many amazing quotes~

Favourite place: Disney Woooorld

Favourite food : Sushi, Steak.. Can I have both?

Do I use sarcasm : Plenty

What am I listening to right now : KeemStar’s live

First thing I notice in new person: I usually notice a person’s smile or eyes first

Shoe size : 9 - 9 1/2

Eye colour: Bluuuue

Hair colour : Natural - Med. brown, Dyed - Black

Favourite style of clothing : I love casual, but I also really love dressy clothes~

Ever done a prank call? : Yeah

What colour of underwear I’m wearing now? : Pink

Meaning behind my URL : I’m obsessed with Sub!Jungkook. Need I say more?

Favourite movie: I love so many movies

Favourite song : YOU CAN’T ASK ME THIIIISSSS

Favourite band: BTS

How I feel right now : Sleepy af

Someone I love : I love a lot of people.. @gleamingjimin​ <3  @daddyoppa​ @ya-boy-bambam​ @bangtanprincesss​

My current relationship status : Single but.. hopefully that changes soon?

My relationship with my parents : Eh.. 

Favourite holiday : Either Halloween or Christmas

Tattoos and piercings? : Neither but they’re hot

Tattoos and piercing i want : I want a monroe piercing.. or maybe dimple piercings? (I only have one dimple tho) - Tattoos... I’d like a tattoo on my wrist.. Maybe of a semicolon or a line from a BTS song. 

The reason I joined Tumblr : Well, I wanted to test it out for a while, but I never have until just recently. I don’t really have a big reason tbh

Do I and my last ex hate each other? : No but we don’t speak to each other much anymore.

Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? : Yes :3

Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? : Nope

When did I last hold hands? : I don’t remember

How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? : If I have to shower that morning then about 45 minutes. If not, then it takes about 15-20 minutes

Have you shaved your legs in the past three days? : Yep~ Shaved them last night!

Where am I right now? : My bedroom

If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? : Hell.. Idk

Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? : LOUD. THE LOUDER THE BETTER 

Do I live with my Mom and Dad? : Not technically. I live with my aunt and uncle, but my parents are right next door.

Am I excited for anything? : BTS’ comeback

Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? : My brother

How often do I wear a fake smile? : Pretty much every single day C:

When was the last time I hugged someone? : 1 hour ago, maybe? I hugged my brother.

What if the last person you kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? : Eh, I haven’t kissed anyone sooooo

Is there anyone you trust even though you should not? : I don’t think so. I have trust issues so if I trust you, there’s a good reason for that.

What is something I disliked about today? : Finding out I have to write 10-12 pages before next Tuesday

If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? : @gleamingjimin​ and BTS

What do I think about most? : BTS

What’s my strangest talent? : I don’t have any talents

Do I have any strange phobias? : Escalaphobia

Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? : Behind

What was the last lie I told? : “I’ll be fine”

Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? : On the phone

Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? : Yes and yes

Do I believe in magic? : Yes

Do I believe in luck? : Mhmm

What’s the weather like right now? : Humid and stormy

What was the last book I’ve read? : Well.. Now the Spanish dictionary pfffft

Do I like the smell of gasoline?: Oddly enough I do

Do I have any nicknames? : Lys, Scarlet, baby, baby girl

What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? : Sprained ankle

Do I spend money or save it? : I save it for a while but then.. you know.. BTS. 

Can I touch my nose with a tongue? : No 

Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? : Well.. my panties are pink

Favourite animal? : PANDA

What was I doing last night at 12 AM? : Watching public freak out videos

What do I think is Satan’s last name is? : Wut

What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? : Yes I Am by Mamamoo

How can you win my heart? : Wut

What would I want to be written on my tombstone? : Ummm... I really have no idea. Just have BTS lyrics all over it.. or even their faces :D 

What is my favourite word : FUCK

My top 5 blogs on tumblr : Cries I’ve already done this. // i love everyone okokok

If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? : STOP BEING SUCH FUCKNUGGETS AND USE THE DAMN BRAIN YOU WERE GIVEN. 

Do I have any relatives in jail? : Nope

I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? : Psychokinesis 

What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? : I really don’t know

What is my current desktop picture? : I have a slideshow going of BTS

Had sex? : Nope

Bought condoms? : No

Gotten pregnant? : Helllll no 

Failed a class? : Yeah 

Kissed a boy? : Nope

Kissed a girl? : The cheek counts, right? 

Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? : No

Had job? : Babysitting count?

Left the house without my wallet? : Once and I flipped out

Bullied someone on the internet? : Hell no

Had sex in public? : Nope

Played on a sports team? : Yeah

Smoked weed? : No

Did drugs? : No

Smoked cigarettes? : I tried once when I was little and burnt myself... then threw up.

Drank alcohol? : Yeah

Am I a vegetarian/vegan? : No

Been overweight? : Always been overweight, but that’s due to a medical condition and it’s hereditary. Of course it doesn’t help that I eat away my stress and depression :’)))

Been underweight? : Pft. No. 

Been to a wedding? : Yesss

Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? : ...sadly

Watched TV for 5 hours straight? : Nah

Been outside my home country? : Nope but I plan on traveling

Gotten my heart broken? : Yeah.. 

Been to a professional sports game? : Mhm

Broken a bone? : Not that I recall. KI mean, I sprained my ankle but that’s about it

Cut myself? : Yes.. I advise anyone who is thinking about doing it or currently doing it to get some help. It does NOT solve your problems.. 

Been to prom? : Yeah and it sucked

Been in airplane? : Yep

Fly by helicopter? : Nope

What concerts have I been to? : When I was in like.. 6th grade I went to the Jonas Brothers’ concert and March 29th of this year I saw BTS

Had a crush on someone of the same sex? : Yep and I do currently

Learned another language? : Spanish~ I’m currently trying to teach myself Korean

Wore make up? : Yeah

Lost my virginity before I was 18? : No

Had oral sex? : No

Dyed my hair? : Yessss

Voted in a presidential election? : fuck that

Rode in an ambulance? : No

Had a surgery? : Yes

Met someone famous? : Namjoonie noticed me in a vlive once... Does that count??

Stalked someone on a social network? : Yes XD

Peed outside? : Yeah

Been fishing? : Mhm

Helped with charity? : Mhm

Been rejected by a crush? : Sadly

Broken a mirror? : Yeup.

What do I want for birthday? : BTS merrrcchhhh

How many kids do I want and what will be their names? : At least 2. As for names, I’m undecided.

Was I named after anyone? ; Yeah, you know.. Alyssa Milano?

Do I like my handwriting? : I like my cursive

What was my favourite toy as a child? : Barbies

Favourite Tv Show? : Impractical Jokers

Where do I want to live when older? :Northern United States.. or New Zealand

Play any musical instrument? : Nah

One of my scars, how did I get it? : Bike wreck

Favourite pizza topping? : Pineapples and pepperoni

Am I afraid of the dark? : Yes

Am I afraid of heights? : Yes

Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? : I got caught watching porn when I was like 14 or so

Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? : MY LIFE

What I’m really bad at : Socializing 

What my greatest achievements are : Idk

The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me : There’s so many.

What I’d do if I won in a lottery : Pay off my brother’s college, buy my parents a new house and car, buy a little something for me, and save the rest (depending on how much we’re talking pffft)

What do I like about myself : I like my eyes and hair

My closest Tumblr friend : @gleamingjimin and @daddyoppa

Something I fantasise about my ex : I don’t