#I’m not sorry for the rant but this is ongoing since Saturdays event and will continue all week

[blacknpurplewarpster]

Today is an utter shit show and he wants it to be over with.

[janeykath318]

Closure 4

Day four post coma, Jamie woke up early from a bone-chilling nightmare that left her gasping and crying out for Chris. She’d seen Khan killing him in slow motion while she was trapped in the Warp core, burning and unable to move.

“No! Stop!! Chris!!” She screamed, struggling wildly to help him. She had to get to him. Had to stop that phaser from hurting the love of her life…..

A pair of hands settled on her burning cheeks.

“Easy, Jamie, Easy, its only a dream. Come back, Jamie. You’re all right. You’re safe.”

She jolted awake, gasping and saw Bones standing over her in his white scrubs with a worried look in his eyes.

Her own eyes were streaming with tears as she relived her husband’s death again.

“Bones!” She what whimpered. “I saw Chris die and I couldn’t stop it! Burning up! It’s so awful!”

She gave up and sobbed with fear and grief, her heartbreak pouring out uncontrollably as Bones attempted to comfort her with muttered words and holding her hand, while wiping away her tears.

When the storm finally passed, she blinked up through her swollen eyelids and saw he looked almost as anguished as she did.

“It was terrible, Bones. I watched him die all over again.” She whispered plaintively, wiping her eyes.

The doctor sighed and held up a straw so she could sip water, which she quickly accepted, having screamed herself hoarse.

“No wonder you cried so hard. I don’t even know what to say, Jamie. I’m so sorry.”

“I know, Bones,” she sniffled, seeing the genuine pain on his face. “It’s so comforting to have you here instead of some random doc I don’t know. I can only imagine the amount of people who’ve lost love ones and spouses in the attack.”

“Yes, well. They ain’t my best friend.” Bones said ruefully. “Now, try to rest easy for a bit before your momma comes. Why don’t you tell me about that "other conversation” you and Chris had? I never got the low-down on that.“

Jamie pushed away the dark remnants of the nightmare and her pain to contemplate the first happy memory of them as a couple. As Bones went about preparing her litany of treatments, she opened up and told the tale.

******** It was nearly two weeks before she heard from Pike about the talk they needed to have and she wondered if he’d changed his mind about her when she got a message asking her to meet him at a small park just outside Academy grounds.

So on the lovely Saturday afternoon, Jamie had garbed herself in her favorite turquoise skinny jeans, gray T-shirt and denim jacket (after changing three times) and made the walk to the scenic area he’d specified.

He was waiting for her by a bench at the edge of the walking trail that led away into the woods. Her heartbeat sped up as she saw him in civvies for the first time in months.

"Wow. So you do have more than just uniforms in your wardrobe,” she’d said cheekily as she joined him, trying to hide how he’d thrown her off balance from the start with the way he rocked the leather and denim.

“It’s hard to believe it, I know,” he said dryly, motioning her to sit on the bench beside him.

Jamie found herself suddenly shy in front of her long time secret crush. She hadn’t even told Bones about the meeting for fear he’d get all suspicious or say something dumb to Pike.

“Cat got your tongue?” He spoke up at last, trying to sound casual.

“More like it’s been stepped on by the elephant in the room,” she admitted, flashing a nervous smile and plucking up her courage. “Let’s just say, those less-than-professional feelings as you put it, go both ways. I was far from horrified at your admittance, the complete opposite, in fact. You ever wonder why I suddenly quit my serial dating and carefree ways?”

“I thought it was good sense finally kicking in,” he said with that goofy half grin. “You’re telling me I was wrong?”

“I’m a Kirk, what do you think?” She shot back, looking him full in the eyes at last.

“Touché.” He conceded the point with a smirk and Jamie was getting antsy when he made his move, turning sideways and taking both of her hands in his.

“I’m not sure it’s showing good sense to get involved with me, but for once I find myself tempted to throw caution out the window. That day you flounced into my office declaring your utter contempt for all mankind, I knew I was a goner.”

Jamie flushed and smiled. She’d been furious after the thing with Gary had ended badly and proved him to be a fame whore. Chris had let her rant and rave until she was out of energy then told her he agreed Gary was a complete idiot and offered her a consoling hug, which she’d accepted gratefully.

“You’ve always been good for me and good to me,” she sighed. “I kept quiet about my interest for the same reasons you did, but you must know I do find you VERY attractive, Captain.”

Just saying it made her blush furiously, which aggravated her. She’d never had problems telling people what she thought of them, before.

“C'mon now, Jamie, let me see those beautiful baby blues,” he urged, tilting her chin up so she had to look at him again. The grey eyes that were generally sharp and piercing were looking at her with a gentle expression that sent a thrill of delight through her.

“You’re incredibly beautiful, you know that? Everything about you is: your genius level brain, your rule-skirting tendencies, your reckless enthusiasm, your infectious smile. Even when you make me want to tear out my hair, I also wanted to kiss that smirk right off your face.”

“Go ahead, Christopher,” She whispered huskily, boldly using his whole name, “I dare you.” And he did. ********

“Don’t worry, Bones, I won’t go into detail, just that it was fabulous.”

Jamie concluded her tale with a dreamy sigh which turned into a yawn. Her friend shook his head in wonder.

“So that’s how you wooed the hard-nosed Captain, huh?”

“Yep,” she said thoughtfully. “Turns out he wasn’t so impervious to my charms after all.” She looked at her friend earnestly. “I hope you get a chance to have great love, too, Bones. I know I drove him crazy, but I never doubted he loved me and I hope I never gave him reason to doubt I loved him, either.”

“Some of us maybe aren’t meant to have that kind of great love, though,” Bones said with a pained expression. “I’d rather be following your sorry self around and keeping you alive than getting myself into emotional entanglements again.”

Jamie was touched at his statement, but hoped Bones would be surprised one day. It was clear at least part of Chris’s observations were correct in regards to Leonard McCoy being very loyal to her.

She dozed off again for awhile and awoke to see her mother watching her.

“Hi, honey,” Winona said softly, lines of sorrow and worry around her face.

“Hi, Mom,” Jamie greeted. “Glad you could make it. I know everything’s chaos right now.”

“Yes, but I’ll let them deal with it,” Winona waved her hand towards the window where the rescue and clean up efforts could be seen ongoing in the damaged city. “I’m here for you, baby. I would have been here a lot faster if we hadn’t been out on the edge of Alpha Quadrant.”

“Did you get briefed on what happened?” Jamie asked, hoping she wouldn’t have to repeat it all again.

“Yes,” Winona’s gaze fell to her daughter’s left hand and the ring. “Oh, honey, It killed me when I heard about Chris. Did you see it happen?”

“No, I was distracted trying to clear the room and return fire. When I got back, he’d taken a shot to the chest and was gone.”

Gone. It was such a final word, but she hated saying “dead” far more.

Winona squeezed her hand in silent sympathy. She certainly knew what it felt like and Jamie was thankful she’d have her to lean on as she adjusted to life without her beloved Admiral.

“Since we both missed the funeral, do you want to watch it with me? All I have to do is message Spock and he’ll send the video to my PADD.”

“Do you think you’re ready to see it, Jamie?” Winona asked. “I don’t want you to have a physical setback from the surge of emotions.”

“It can’t be as bad as my dreams,” she shrugged. “I’d like to hear what people had to say about him. I’ll be okay.”

So in a matter of minutes, Spock had sent the tape and they were watching a hugely attended funeral filled with top brass and dignitaries from many species. Once the formal speeches praising his astounding career and character were finished, several people shared personal anecdotes and memories that had Jamie sniffling and smiling because these people actually knew her husband and really understood what he was all about.

“Good ole Number One,” Winona murmured as Pike’s former first officer talked about him staring down hostile Romulans while battling Rigellian flu.

“He always was a stubborn mule,” she said. “Kind of like someone else I know.” She winked at Jamie, who didn’t try to deny it.

“If I’d been there I would have told them how he pulled my phaser from the holster and shot two Romulans who’d crept up behind me–while he had that slug in him and was paralyzed,” Jamie mused. “It was incredible how FIERCE Chris was when he got riled up.”

She fell silent as the camera focused on the casket, stomach clenching at the cold hard reality in the shiny brown wood box.

Admiral Barnett concluded the service with another heartfelt tribute to his colleague and friend.

“I’ve never met an officer more suited to Command than Chris Pike. He embodied all the qualities of an ideal Captain: leadership, courage, and selflessness as well as diplomacy and compassion. He knew how to push to get the best out of his crew without them even realizing it. But he was more than just a great Captain and later, Admiral, he was a great friend.”

He proceeded to talk about Chris and his friendship that dated back to the Yorktown years and Winona smiled and nodded at several points as she remembered many of the events Barnett referred to. Jamie was thinking about family parties at the ranch in Mojave when her attention was grabbed by the next statement.

“There were only three things that could cause Chris to get riled up: One, mess with his crew. Bad Idea. Two, mess with his family. Even worse. Three, cast aspersions on his marriage, which was grounds for being disowned completely.”

Jamie knew all about that. Chris had frozen out quite a few media and ignorant “fans” who talked smack about their relationship and it was glorious. She’d mildly protested that he didn’t need to do it, she didn’t care what they said, but she knew it would be hypocritical to stop him. After all, she’d put an ensign on long term gamma shift for insulting him in her hearing and another had spent the night in the brig after using the term “sugar daddy.”

“In summary,” Richard continued, “the world lost a very high quality man and we will honor his memory by returning Starfleet to the organization he believed in and prioritizing the loved ones in our lives. Rest In Peace, Admiral.”

He saluted and shortly afterwards the service ended. Jamie realized with a shock she didn’t even know where her husband had been buried and made a mental note to find out immediately.