#I’m practicing because I have a con next weekend now LOL

[hibiscera]

Having so much empty space has to be my motivation to work on more merch again, I hate all the gaps I won’t be able to fill even removing some boards 😭

[ramp-it-up]

It Takes Two

Pairing: Soft Dark!Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings:  18+, Minors DNI. Curate your own experience. Cursing, drinking, cheating, breakups, rehab, recovery, deception, lies, celibacy, manipulation, wedding planning, semi-public explicit, rough, sex, oral sex (m receiving), degradation kink, breeding kink, choking, dubiuous con (b/c of deception). Darkish! Scott Evans. This is not proofread!

A/N: @lovebittenbyevans gave me a great idea about still dealing with Chris when commenting on The One.  I thought that the Chris in that fic could really go left and get pretty Dark and dirty. And then.... 

Anonymous asked:

Imagine Chris cheating on Y/N …

That made me think up this fic. It is a sequel to The One. I hope you like it!

-----

You left him.

You flew to Montreal to surprise him on set, trench coat and lingerie and everything, and when you opened the door to his trailer, you saw Heidi on her knees giving Chris a blowjob.

You cussed him out, threw the ring back in his face and turned around and left. 

You blocked his number, moved out of his house and cut off all contact.  You were done.

The audacity of Chris being indignant about your warnings about Heidi when he was boning her all along.

You loved Scott, but you had to cut him off too after he tried to explain that Chris was drunk when you found him, and was going to rehab to deal with his issues. 

 It was classic celebrity bullshit and you didn’t have time for it.

You decided to center yourself, and swear off all relationships and sex. You wanted to purge your mind of all that weighed you down. 

You concluded that love, sex, and Chris Evans made you feel heavy as fuck. 

You moved to New York City. It was far enough away from Chris and your folks in Houston to give you some peace. 

You could still run your business and even think about a storefront.  It was the perfect location to live your best life, eat healthy, exercise, socialize and network. 

You fell in love with yourself, and you didn’t think much about Christopher Robert Evans at all.

Only every time you went on IG or Twitter, even though you blocked him and his hashtags.  And every time you went to Target, because his fucking movies and merchandise were everywhere. 

But you were cool, because you were doing you. You weren’t looking for love.

Of course, that’s when it found you.

Six months after you left Boston, you were at a natural beauty products expo in Brooklyn hawking your wares.  

Your business had taken off, with almost a half million dollars in sales, and you were being interviewed by a major news outlet of color when one of the correspondents caught your eye. 

You flirted, exchanged numbers and ended up going on a date. In another three months you were engaged to him.  

Kevin Watts made you feel safe, protected and loved. And he wasn’t just after sex. He was well off, and secure in himself and you.  It just felt right. 

When Kevin proposed, it was just you and him at your favorite restaurant. So romantic. 

Not like the rowdy family 4th of July party at which Chris asked you to marry him last year, in front of both your parents.

The laughter and the joy was just a little much. 

This was perfect. You didn’t miss Chris at all. You set about planning your wedding with a profound sense of peace and safety.  

You and Kevin were meant to be.

----

Chris was nothing without you.

Nothing but an award winning actor and producer, a multi-millionaire and founder of a major organization dedicated to bringing opposing political viewpoints together. 

All of that was cool, and it kept him going, but when he lost you, he lost his motivation.

Chris didn’t take any more roles after the sequel with Heidi, and he dumped her post haste. He did enter rehab and realized that he depended way too much on alcohol to dull his emotions. 

He got drunk off his ass when he was away from you because he missed you so much, and that led to him letting Heidi think that she could have him.

She’d had him physically, but never his heart. Or his mind. You owned those.

Chris followed your business closely, and was proud of your success. 

Of course he followed your social media on burner accounts and saw that you were doing well. 

You looked like you enjoyed being single and seemed healthy and happy.

He couldn’t ask for anything more for you.

Except to be his again. 

Chris was just biding his time for your reunion, deciding to give you a year before he made his move. 

Now he felt every emotion, and he knew that you must still love him too.

You just needed to realize that your life would be even better with him back in it.

The year apart would be just punishment for what he’d done to you, and when you came back together, it would be better than before.

Everyone speculated on his bachelorhood, wondering if he would settle down, speculating and gossiping about who he was with, but he just played coy and kept quiet.

No one would know that he was yours and yours alone, and that you were still his.  

You just didn’t know it.

But you weren’t going along with the plan that you didn’t know about. 

About seven months into his self-imposed purgatory, a complication started popping up on Chris’s feed. 

Kevin. 

And a couple of months after that, a post of a proposal, in a restaurant.

The asshole probably didn’t even ask or involve your folks.  Chris was in a rage for a week. 

He almost started drinking again, but as he got ready to drive to the liquor store, Kevin’s face flashed on his screen doing a report on the election.

Instead of making him even more angry, he smiled, elated at the thought that came to him.

Chris had a new plan, and it was going to be even better than before.

-----

The last three months had been a whirlwind, and you never thought it would turn out this way.  

You were planning your wedding with your mother, discussing the seating at the reception, and you deciding where Chris Evans and his date would sit.

What a time to be alive.

Your mother only let it slip a couple of times that you should be marrying Chris, but for the most part, she kept it cute.

You explained to her that everything was squashed between you and Chris, and that he and Kevin had a great relationship, were friends, even.  

They’d bonded over politics when Kevin interviewed him, and became buds before Chris even realized that you and he were together.

Kevin knew, but he wasn’t the jealous type, and he didn’t want to make things awkward. Surprisingly, Kevin insisted that he be at the wedding. 

You thought about it and decided it would be the ultimate closure for Chris to watch you marry someone else. 

You were pleasantly surprised at Chris. He was handling this very well. He never tried to contact you, and according to Kevin, never even mentioned you. That was growth. 

Maybe you too could be friends. 

You felt good about it. So much so that you unblocked him and started a dialogue.

-----

Hi.

Chris saw your number come across his apple watch and he practically did a dance. It was 9:24 pm.  He picked up his phone and stared at the word, forcing himself to wait and not respond.  He went to work out.

47 minutes later, he responded.

Hello?

This time, he sat and waited for your response, which came 7 minutes later. 

I just wanted to say, I appreciate the way you're handling this.

Chris bit his lip, imagining you sitting there, thinking of what to say and staring down at your phone.

I’m sorry, I don't know who this is. You may have reached a wrong number?

He grinned at the play. 

----- 

Your heart dropped. Did he no longer have your contact?  

Why would he do that?

You don’t know why you felt some kinda way; you’d blocked him. 

Maybe he had changed his number and this was no longer his. Your heart was beating fast when you texted back.

Is this Chris?  This is Y/N.  I was just texting about Kevin Watts.

You anxiously watched the thought bubbles on imessage.

----

Even though you’d texted back almost immediately, Chris kept you hanging for just a couple of minutes. His dick was hard at the thought of communicating with you. 

Fuck, you were such an aphrodesiac.

Oh shit! Y/N I’m sorry.  I got a new phone.. You know how it is…

He knew you wouldn’t believe that. That’s why he said it.

You just stared at the phone. That was bullshit. You can easily port your contacts into a new phone.  You just never believed that Chris would really move on.  And you didn’t know why. 

You had.

You took a deep breath and continued.

Lol, No worries!  Just wanna say thank you for being cool with my Boo. I’m gonna turn in now. Check you later.

You tried to keep it light.

Chris ignored the ‘my Boo’ comment and focused on the thought of you in bed. 

You usually slept in a tank top or t-shirt and panties, and the top would invariably come off because you got hot. 

And then things would invariably get hotter if he was in bed with you….

Cool! Sweet dreams. Check you later. 😉

Chris made sure to exit your message thread and come back so that you wouldn’t see the thought bubbles that he saw when you kept staring at the text.

You  were lost in the times that Chris always used to say that to you, and when he whispered “Sweet Dreams” in your ear when he was far away, you always had wet dreams about him. 

And that wink. 

How could a fucking yellow emoji turn you the fuck on?

You reached for your bullet vibrator as you continued to stare at the interaction.

Chis had already started stroking himself when you told him you were going to bed. 

Knowing that you were thinking exactly what he wanted you to got him close, and he didn’t even have to pull up your old videos to get off. 

Not tonight.

-----

Over the next few weeks. you’d texted a few times, Chris ‘made amends’ and you accepted his apology. 

Then, you started texting more regularly, mainly joking around about sports, your Celtics/Rockets rivalry ever raging. 

From your perspective, Chris was always appropriate and respected your relationship with Kevin.  You were glad because you’d missed your friendship with him.

You felt giddy that your life was working out so well, and you traveled to your weekend getaway in the mountains for your bridal shower with a light heart.

Chris attended Kevin’s bachelor festivities with only a week to go until the wedding.

——

From Chris’s perspective, things were working out better than he’d hoped. 

Scoring an invite to the wedding was more than he’d imagined, and Kevin inviting him out to his Bachelor party was just icing on the cake.  

Maybe he could make Kevin slip up enough so that you would dump him before the wedding. Chris was hopeful.

If not, Plan B was the nuclear option. 

-------

Kevin was following the stripper’s ass like a puppy. He was lit on booze and pills (that Chris provided) and his guard was down.

Kevin considered Chris a friend. 

Chris just wanted to keep Kevin close because he was the enemy.

They were talking about you.

“She’s so fucking innocent. A sweeter angel there never was. I’ll have to teach her how to fuck.”

Chris almost choked on his water.

“I'm sorry. What now?”

Kevin just barreled on, ignoring the question.

“That's how I know I need to wife her.” He was talking to Chris, but still staring at the stripper.

“She would never chase the D. Hell, she won’t even touch mine. You know, her being celibate and all.”

Chris raised his eyebrow and smiled, which Kevin never noticed. Chris shook his head at your antics.  His little beautiful love.

“That’s why I was never pressed that you are her ex. I mean, I’m impressed you were with her as long as you were.”  

Chris just smiled and nodded, curious as to where this was leading.

“A man like you don’t have to put up with that. You must have punani lined up for days, bro.”

Chris’s heart lept. This dullard did not have access to your pussy. HIS pussy.  Never has.

Chris could fuck a lot of people a million ways from Sunday with one text. Except for you. And you were all that mattered. 

“I don’t know about all that.” Chris put on his best, ‘aw shucks’ act.

Chris was over the moon. You were still his. In every way.

Kevin kept tipping the stripper and was trying to call her over. He asked her about a private lap dance.  Chris’s eyes lit up. This asshole was making it too easy.

The stripper nodded and went back to finish up her set.  Chris walked over to the bar.

“Aye!” Chris summoned tha bartender over. 

“What can I get you, Sir.” 

“I don’t need a drink.  I wanna take care of my friend over there. He’s gonna have a lap dance with Star. It’s his bachelor party.  I need it to be extra special.”  

Chris started peeling off hundreds so the barkeep could see. 

“And I need him to have some keepsakes, so he’ll remember it always.” 

More hundreds came off. The bartender’s eyes got bigger and bigger. “That’s no problem.”

Chris flashed his famous smile.  

“Great, let me tell you where to send them. Wanna make them a wedding present.” He wrote down an address on a napkin. 

He was now on Plan C. And it was perfect.

------

A week later and the rehearsal at the church was more fun than you thought it would be.  You weren’t allowed to participate, just watch, as the result of an old wives tale.

The church secretary found you in the pews. She handed you a manila envelope.

“This was mailed here yesterday, probably an invoice of something for the wedding, I put it aside for you, sweetie.”

You smiled back at her and tucked it into your purse, not wanting to distract yourself with more wedding bills. 

Later, when you and Kevin were in the back of the car to the restaurant for the Rehearsal Dinner, you pulled it out and opened it. You couldn’t believe your eyes.

“What the ENTIRE FUCK KEVIN!”  

You threw the pictures of him fucking a stripper in his face, startling him out of staring at his phone.

He picked one up, his mouth dropped open and started talking. 

“Look, Baby, Baby! I can explain!...”

“DO NOT FUCKING LIE TO ME KEVIN!  WE HAVE OVER 300 PEOPLE HERE FOR OUR WEDDING TOMORROW MORNING.” 

Kevin was on his knees in the back of the suburban. 

“Listen to me.. Listen.  I’m a man. I have needs…”

“Kevin, I swear to god….”

“Okay, okay… I admit it…”

You listened to him and your heart went silent.  You couldn’t even absorb what he said.

When you pulled up to the restaurant, you straightened your dress and looked at him coolly.

“I am NOT going to deal with this tonight. Tonight was supposed to be a fun celebration of our wedding. I will decide later if it's still going to happen.”

Kevin was terrified.

“Right now, you and I will go into this place, greet our friends arm in arm and pretend that you are not a fucking narcissitic asshole who just ripped my heart to shreds. Got it?”

“Yes, but I-”

“Do NOT speak to me unless I speak to you first. Or it's automatically off.”

Kevin just nodded and cleared his throat.

You raised your chin and said, “Let’s go.”

-----

Two hours later, dinner was over, and you were lit on your way to TURNT.

Chris observed you, from the moment you entered holding hands with Kevin to the second you dropped his hand in disgust, to the way you held yourself away from him at dinner, but then put on a sweet face when everyone spoke, to Kevin, who was an absolute mess.

He figured you got the pictures. He suppressed the glee that was coursing through him.

But he couldn’t figure out why you were still going on with the charade.

Chris didn’t make a beeline for you like he wanted to, he just let the natural flow of the party lead you to him.  He was talking to your cousin when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around.

“Hey you.”  

You cocked your head at him in that way and looked up at him, your smile brightening your face.  Damn, he had to plant his feet. You smiling at him like that made him feel faint.

You both heard your cousin say something, but you didn’t pay attention, caught up in your own orbit.

“Hey.”  

Chris crossed his arms, and you swore that he was recalling the time when you told him your forearms made you horny. Fuck. Chris made you wet and you were fresh out of fucks tonight.

“So, I can’t have a hug?”  

Chris shook his head at your line and opened his arms to embrace you, keeping a respectable pressure and distance until you hugged him tight and pressed close.  

He couldn’t help but pick you up, but he put you down immediately, cleared his throat and backed up, looking uncomfortable.

That wouldn’t do. You wanted more of his scent, his warmth, his HIM. You pouted unconsciously in your buzzed state.

Chris’s cock stirred.  That fucking mouth had haunted his dreams for almost a year. He was pleased that you were flirting, but he had to work the plan.  Couldn’t go too fast.

“You look… great.  I can’t wait to see you tomorrow in your wedding dress. You will be a beautiful bride.��  

Chris broke his voice in just the right place to convey a wistfulness, making you think that he thought he lost you.

You felt bad.  Chris was so sweet.  You thought about him and you thought about Kevin. 

What was the difference between what Chris did and what Kevin did?  

And who did you have more chemistry with? Chris.  

Why were you even marrying Kevin?

You looked over at him looking at you and Chris like a lost dog.

You had no idea why you were marrying him.

“You look… Like Chris fucking Evans.” You two laughed.  

“I bet you’re fighting them off with a stick.”  You sideyed him.

Chris reveled in your interest in his sex life.

“Well, you know. After rehab, I’ve laid off the... physical part of my life. It only brought chaos, you know. I’m trying to be more… zen. Haven’t really had… that  for the better part of a year.”

He watched your eyes get big.  

“Word?”  You smirked. “So you…”

Chris held up his hand.  The one you knew he jacked off with.  You grabbed it and started drawing on his palm.  Chis pulled it back and cleared his throat again. 

You pouted again. Him being hard to get made you wet.

And Chris knew that.

“So… you ready to marry the love of your life?”

 Chris’s sea blues looked you deep into your cocoa browns. You were transported back in time.

“Yes.” 

 Then you snapped out of it.  

“I mean… the church is set up, the dress is bought, everyone’s here. I guess so.”

Chris laughed as if you were telling a joke.  

“I miss your sense of humor.”

You all made small talk and you caught up a little before you asked what you wanted to know.

“So what are you up to tonight?”

Chris looked at his watch.

“I’m actually about to go to my condo an turn in. I get up early to work out.” He felt your eyes sweep up and down his body, and he flexed even though he was fully dressed. It was true. Working out was a regimen. He wanted you drooling for him. 

“It’s the Marvel condo in Brooklyn?”

You nodded, remembering good times.

“So you have a car picking you up?”  Your mind was whirring.

“I actually have a rental.” 

You gulped your drink down, not daring to look in his eyes. Now, not only was your pussy wet, your nipples were hard as hell. 

“It’s in the parking garage down the block.”

“Well, I need to clear my head. I’ll walk you there, and you can drop me back?”

Chris looked down at your cute face, and then around the room, spotted Kevin and gave him a nod.

“You sure that’s a good idea?”  

You looked at Kevin, too.  You wanted to stick your tongue out, but you just took Chris by the arm and headed toward the door.

“I’m a big girl. Nobody owns me.” 

You looked up into Chris’s eyes and instantly regretted that statement. You played it off and pulled him through the door.

You didn’t talk at all the entire way, both of your heads deep in the clouds of you and him.  The chemistry was crackling the air between you.

You held on to his arm, and he let you, reveling in your touch.

When you reached the parking garage, Chris pressed the button with his knuckle and you got in, headed for the top deck.

You just stared at each other, both thinking the same thing. Chris chuckled.

“You’re dangerous, night before your wedding, you probably have cold feet, I’m here. Maybe you want to be sure that you’re sure…”

You cocked your head. “Who said I wanted to fuck you, Chris Evans?”

Chris cocked his head too, mirroring you.  “Who said ‘fuck?’ I was thinking you wanted to talk.”

He smirked and you scowled as the door opened.

Chris left you in the elevator stewing as he walked over to the black Tesla he’d rented. There was no other car on the deck.

You scoffed, and followed him out.

He was about to walk around to the driver's side door when you grabbed his arm before he made it. He stopped directly in front of the car.

“Do you mean to tell me that you don’t want me?”  You were hot, in more ways than one.

Chris leaned back against the hood.

“That’s not what we’re talking about, y/n. You’re getting married tomorrow. To someone else.”

You smiled and reached up, fingers grazing his neck and playing with the hair at his nape. You ran your fingers through his beard.  Kevin’s couldn’t compare.

“That’s tomorrow. Tonight I’m single as fuck.” 

You stood on your tip toes and brushed your lips against his, reveling in the moan that came from his throat.

Chris fought to control his urge and continued with his act. His fingers tightened around your waist and you thought this was it.  He turned you around in front of the car and then let you go, stepping back to pace back and forth.

“What? What is this? You’ve had almost a year. Kevin’s my friend. What do you want from me?”  

He advanced on you, and you had to remember to breathe.  He knew what you wanted.

“You. I want you, Chris.”

Chris attacked your lips with his own.  He took two seconds to savor them before he ravaged your mouth with his tongue.  You moaned and he broke from your mouth to re-discover your face, your neck, your cleavage.  He had to control himself not to rip the bodice of your blush pink chiffon dress.

He had a raging hard on, which you were feeling up, remembering how you always struggled to take him.  You wanted him to hurt you with it now.

“Give me this Chris… please…”

You were reaching into his pants, thumb caressing his wet, thick tip. He was leaking for you.

“Remember when you told me that I would meet you in a parking lot, and let you fuck me over the hood of your rental car? Even if I was with someone else?”  

You pulled your hand out and started sucking your thumb, closing your eyes at the taste of Chris after so long.  You pulled it out with a pop.  

“You were so right.”

Chris practically growled, grabbed your arm and spun you, pushing your back until your chest hit the hood of the Model X.  He leaned over you, pushing his covered crotch into the back of your dress, you moaned, wanting more.  His mouth was at your ear.

“Oh, so you want to be my cock whore on the eve of your wedding to someone else.”  You moaned because it was true.

“It’s been so long, Chris…”

He reached down in between you and flipped the flouncy skirt of your dress up, exposing you to the wind of New York City.  He looked at it for a minute, your ass always his favorite.

He caressed it with both hands, pressing into you with his thumbs.  

“So you want me to feel you up?”  He pulled his hand back and sucked one of them, practically jumping for joy when he tasted you. 

“You want me to pull your panties to the side….” and he did so, seeing your slick shine in the moonlight, and playing in it for a minute, tracing your lips and making you quiver around nothing.

The way you were moaning his name was everything right now.

Your face was pressed against the cool metal of the car, and it was the only thing tying you to the earth.

“Oh yes, Chris…. Please please yesss...fuck me… damn...stretch me out…”

Chris’s dick pulsed and he needed you around him. He moved close again and unzipped his pants, the sound making your knees weak.

He teased your cunt with his tip, collecting your arousal and smearing it not only around your pussy, but around your asshole.

“I know you’ve fucked him, but have you let him have your ass?  Am I still the only one…?”

Chris was still playing the game. 

“No, no, no… I haven’t let him… I haven’t given him anything. I’ve been celibate, too.  It’s still yours Chris. All of me is still yours.”

Chris almost came just hearing you say it out loud. He already knew, but hearing you say it was the shit.

He pushed into you with a grunt, and it was difficult.  He didn’t make it. Your cunt squeezed him out.

“Ffffuck, y/n. You’re practically closed down.  Is it true?”  

He started rocking his tip into your pussy slowly, both regretting and reveling in the fact that he didn’t stretch you out with his fingers beforehand.  Then he decided that he wanted you to feel this fully.

You couldn’t answer, only responding with moans has he painfully breached you. You welcomed it, though.

“Ah, ah, ah, ah… yes Chris.  Only you.. Since you and I….”  Talking about it and the fact that you were taking him again made you wetter, and eased Chris’s way, although your pussy was already stinging with his girth. Your eyes rolled back in your head.

You would never get over this and were so grateful for the feeling again.  

Chris watched you and had to grit his teeth to hold back from the reality that he was taking you again. 

He leaned over you, hot breath huffing in your ear, puffing and groaning as he fucked you slowly.  He was trying to feel every sensation. He wanted you to know that each and every millimeter of your glorious wet, tight pussy was his.

‘Ohhhh. Fuck Chris… YESSSS!”  Your voice echoed off the concrete walls, and Chris wanted you louder.

“This what you wanted?  You wanted your thick cock inside you again. Hunh?  You wanted me to stretch your walls and fuck you raw, hunh?”  He started speeding up in time with your moans.

“Such a fucking filthy cockslut for me, baby.”  Chris grabbed your neck from the back. “Why didn’t you let Kevin hit, hunh?”  

You didn’t answer, you just moaned and Chris smacked your ass, hard.

“Chris! Fuck!”  

You screamed. You missed his ruthlessness when you fucked, you missed him making sure that you knew that he knew that you knew. You belonged to him. 

 “Please!”

“I know why.” 

Chris stopped fucking you and pressed down harder on your back, reaching around to find your clit.  He swirled around it once, then started to press down slowly. 

“Because you would never beg him for that subpar dick that he has. You’re MY whore. You belong to me.”

He pressed down roughly, and you detonated around his dick.  He didn’t have to move.  Chris pulled out, leaving you cold and bereft.

You turned around and leaned up against the hood, panting and still desperate for him.  He stood there in front of you, dick sticking out of his pants, which were ruined, and still rock hard and ready. He was in a quiet rage.

“Why did you leave me?” 

You searched his face.  He sounded like he was about to cry.  You couldn’t quite see his entire face, but his eyes shone, bright with liquid.  You went toward him.

“You hurt me Chris.  I couldn’t stay. But let me take care of you now.”

You got on your knees in front of him, the hard concrete of the parking structure digging into your knees.  

Again, you welcomed the physical pain, distracting you from what you were doing to Kevin, to Chris, and to yourself.

Chris felt like he could fly.  You on your knees for him again was a dream. 

He took his cock in his hand, stroking it, while moving close to you. In no time, the back of your head was in his palm, and you opened wide to accept him, hand coming up to stroke what you couldn’t fit.

“Ah, ah. Let me.”  

You looked up at him to see an evil grin shine down on you. 

Chris looked down on an angel trying to swallow him whole. He brushed the tears away from your eyes as you struggled to breathe. You were perfection.

Moaning around him, you relaxed your mouth and throat and let him use you.  It was difficult, because you were out of practice, but you welcomed the letting go of all thought. 

You dripped down your thighs as Chris pumped into you, ready to accept what he had to give. 

After a few minutes, he stopped, and pulled out, grabbing you up to your feet. 

Then he bent down and grabbed you by the back of your thighs and you wrapped your legs around his waist, kissing him and trying to grind down on his still-erect cock as he backed you to the car.

Your ass hit the hood, and Chris reached between you to first tear your panties off. He put them in his pocket as he swiped his dick up and down your dripping wet folds.  

He looked back up to watch your face as he pushed inside you, now, an easier path to nirvana.

He pulsed as he watched the pleasure take over your face, with your mouth slack and your eyes glassed over. This was his main purpose in life and he almost lost it.

He brought his hand up to bring you closer, breathed into your mouth as he squeezed your throat. You were high instantly, and clamped down on his cock as your body was wracked with waves of pleasure.

Chris let your body descend back down to the car as he pumped his seed into you, his mind fantasizing that he was impregnating you. 

He shook your body as the last ropes of cum spurted out of him. He ran his hand down your body as he pulled out, zipping up his pants as you came back to your senses on the hood of the car.

You stared at the stars as you realized what you had done.  You sat up and adjusted your dress, gingerly climbing back down to the ground.  

Chris kissed you on the forehead, and this time you let him get into the driver’s seat. You got in the passenger side and Chris reached into the glovebox and handed you some wet wipes.

“Fix your face. And your knees.” 

He nodded down to your legs, which were dirty from the parking structure floor.  He watched you wipe your knees off, but stopped you as you went higher.

“No. I want you to feel me all night long.”  

You wanted to be a brat, but you didn’t feel like sass right about now. You felt kinda terrible.

You got another wet wipe and fixed your makeup as best you could as Chris drove you back to the restaurant.

“Chris, I…”

“I know.  None of that meant that we’re back together.  That was for some kind of something, I dunno, something Kevin might have done?” 

You looked down, ashamed. Chris lifted your chin up with his hand.

“I want you to come to me on your own.  You’ve gotten that out of your system, and I’m glad to be of service.”  You looked up into his eyes and at his wry smile.

“But remember, you still have a choice. I’m here if you choose me.”  

He leaned over and gave you a tender kiss in front of the restaurant.

You smiled at him and climbed out of the car, watching as he drove off.

Chris’s heart was beating out of his chest as he watched you turn and go back inside. He fought the urge to turn around. It was better this way.

----

You walked in the restaurant, and pulled Kevin over to the side of the restaurant in dark alcove. 

“Listen. Do you still want to marry me?”

He looked you up and down, taking in your state, from the faint marks on your neck to your scuffed knees.  He knew exactly what was up.

You raised an eyebrow at him.  

-----

Three hours later, a sleepy Chris answered the doorbell in Brooklyn.

He smiled at you, in the Captain America t-shirt and jeans that you’d stolen from him after a photoshoot, looking like his favorite Disney princess. You.

You took him in, clad in grey sweatpants that hung off his magnificently cut body.  He blinked at you sleepily.

“The wedding is off. Chris, I….”

He reached out and grabbed you, pulling you in the brownstone and shutting the door behind you.  He had you pinned up against the wall as you tried to speak.

“Shut up and let me taste you.”  

You grinned and wrapped your legs around his waist as he carried you upstairs.

--- 

The next morning, Chris was on the phone with Scott.

“Yes, tell the workers at the warehouse to dump all the products….I don’t care, the river, the landfill…. Y/N can’t find out that I bought up all her stock…. We’re going to be married..... I know what the fuck I’m doing Scott. We leave for Aruba this afternoon. Listen, I’ll call you later.”

Chris hung up and turned to find you in the doorway, frowning and rubbing your eyes.  

“We’re going to Aruba?”  

You smiled and yawned, sleepily stretching.  That was all that you’d heard of the conversation.

Chris gave you his stunner smile.  

“Yes. It was going to be a surprise.” 

He reached down and swung you up in his arms, carrying you into the bathroom bridal style.

“Now let’s get in the shower.  You’ve been very naughty, gotta get you clean for your wedding day.”

You giggled as you relaxed in Chris’s arms. “It takes two to be naughty, Chris.”

He winked at you as he turned on the shower. “Don’t I know it.”

-----

I know it’s different. Let me know if you like it. Like, comment, reblog! 

Tags:

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[athenasbloodyspear]

Don’t Make Me Beg Now Baby

CHAPTER ONE: EDGE OF DARKNESS

Hello fellow Greta Van Freaks. This is my very first Greta fic! I hope you enjoy.

MASTERLIST

Note: This fic contains mature themes, discussions of past non-con (no members of GVF involved) and drug use. Minors DNI. 18+ only and please take care of yourselves. (See Ao3 for full tag list)

You can also read this fic on Ao3 if you prefer!

Jake Kiszka x Original Female Character

Picture this: The boys are in Northern Michigan to write the new album and they meet a wild young woman who works at a local record store who has a rough history with rock bands.

She doesn’t want to fall into the same traps she fell into before. He doesn’t want to hurt her.

The rest of them just want them to figure their shit out.

Note: While this fic is based on the members of Greta Van Fleet, I obviously do not know them personally (lol) and nearly 99% of this is a fever dream I decided to write down. Some tid bits are based on things said in interviews/photos/songs but please do not come for my neck if you dislike my portrayals as this is a STORY that I have entirely made up.

This will be a slow burn, overly dramatic, cliché fest of me missing my Mitten State and wishing more than anything I could move back home. Their music makes me homesick and for that I’ll never forgive them. ;)

Chapter Under the Cut

CHAPTER ONE: EDGE OF DARKNESS

The tiny bell on the door to “The Edge” clanked as Jake pushed his way in, followed by Josh, Sam and Danny. The afternoon sun streamed through the slats in the windows at a harsh angle, illuminating the swirling dust. The boys all immediately took a deep breath. They all loved the smell of this place. A mix of dusty old vinyl's, incense and weed. 

The Edge was the shop owned by an old friend, Levi, who had been a longtime family friend of the Kiszka’s. The boys had made the near three hour drive to the shop whenever they had a spare weekend in their younger years. They bought Levi out of his guitar strings and drumsticks and always looked through the boxes of vinyl's hoping to find treasures. Levi sold an eclectic mix of music equipment, records, books, home goods and comically horrific coffee. 

The Edge is where they had each bought their very first instruments, had their first beers and even smoked their first joint. It was a special place for them. 

The old wood floors creaked with every step, the wood walls were covered with old articles from Rolling Stone, photos Levi had taken and autographs from the artists who had cycled through the place over the years. There were stacks upon stacks of vinyl's. Shelves of old autobiographies and music theory books. There were speakers stacked from floor to ceiling, and the whole right side of the store was jam packed with basses and guitars. The back corner had a few keyboards and a drum set, but plenty of catalogues to pick even more instruments from. There were cases of drumsticks and guitar picks and strings. The middle of the store had tables full of incense, candles and interesting home goods. There were tables where local artists sold jewelry, art pieces and furniture. It was full to the brim, most shelves rising way up to the ceiling. Most needed a ladder to reach the top. The basement had a sound studio with even more equipment set up to be used to record, or to test out. 

Levi had inherited the place from his father, who had built up quite a legendary roster of friends over his years. The shop was just off Front Street on the main drag of Traverse City. Levi’s father had made a name for himself as a great host to bands looking to escape to northern Michigan to hole up in cabins and write albums. Levi continued the tradition and took it a step further by buying the space next door and turning it into a club with live music on the weekends. 

If you were lucky, you could catch some super huge bands playing for only about 100 people in the dark side room of The Edge. 

“You bastards finally made it!” Levi called out as he came sauntering out of the back room. Levi looked the exact same as the last time the boys had seen him. Tanned skin from his days paddle boarding and hiking along the Lake Michigan shore, sandy blonde hair that was brighter in the summer, perpetual 5-o-clock shadow because he just couldn’t be bothered to shave, shell necklace around his neck, light wash jeans low on his hips with the same old cowboy boots he’d been wearing since the boys were 12. 

“Is that grey hair I see Levi?” Josh leaned forward with an exaggerated squint. Levi laughed, snagging Josh’s head to give him a noogie. 

“I may be older than you punks by a few years, but I’m not greying yet.” Levi released Josh from his headlock and gave him a shove. 

“I’d say 37 is more than a few years older than us, grandpa.” Sam snarked. 

“You’re makin me regret extending my hospitality, kid.” 

Jake felt himself relax fully for the first time in a really long time. It was just like old times. Exactly what the boys needed. 

“Welcome back dudes. I’m surprised I’m still cool enough for you Rockstar types.” Levi crossed his legs and leaned back against the front counter. 

“We’ll never be too cool for The Edge. This place will always be way cooler than we could ever be.” Danny piped up, walking forward to wrap Levi in a hug. 

“It’s been too long man.” Levi commented as he smacked Danny on the back. 

“We know.” Sam said “Way too fuckin long.” He hugged Levi next. Josh and Jake followed up with hugs next. The room was heavy with a tinge of melancholy. Old friends who had missed each other finally reunited. 

“Well, have you guys been to the house yet?” Levi stepped around the counter and started pouring four cups of the famous nasty coffee. 

“Yeah we dropped our bags off before we headed into town.” Danny spoke up. 

“Isn’t it sweet?” Levi asked enthusiastically. 

“It’s wicked man. Thanks so much for getting that set up for us.” Josh grinned as he snagged a cup off the counter. 

The house was a mid century modern cabin right on the east bay shore. It came equipped with a huge garage studio, front deck and a dock out into the bay. Levi had bought the house in foreclosure and along with help from a bunch of locals (in exchange for beer of course) they turned the house into a perfect getaway for any artists looking to come take a break up north. The place had five bedrooms and three bathrooms with a giant living room with overstuffed couches and velvet chairs. The walls were covered in art and the shelves were full to bursting with plants. It was a kaleidoscope of colors and textures,  with mix matched rugs and lamps. It was Levi’s pride and joy. 

“I’m so glad you guys like it.” Levi smiled even bigger as he passed coffees to the rest of the boys. “Once you’re a little more settled, feel free to send me a list of equipment you want me to set up downstairs and you can start coming in whenever to work. But also, I think you should probably take a week or two off first. You all look about two seconds away from collapsing.” 

“Yeah we’re pretty fuckin beat dude. But we’ll send you a list ASAP.” Jake said, taking a burning sip of the coffee. It singed his nerve endings and he couldn’t have been happier about it. 

Levi opened his mouth to speak again, when a voice filtered through the window to the loft above the store. 

“Yo Levi!” the person shouted “Can you please get off your fuckin ass and pick music to play? I know Wednesdays are your day to pick but if you take forever I’m just gonna put on whatever I want and you can suck it.”

All four boys' heads snapped up to the window to the loft, but whoever was up there couldn’t be seen. All they could see was that the loft had clearly gotten a makeover. What used to be an upper level where Levi stored surplus supplies now looked like it had a plush velvet couch, lava lamps and plants in it. 

“Alright alright! I’ll get on it.” Levi called back up, shaking his head and chuckling to himself as he walked toward the central sound system behind the counter to scroll through Spotify playlists. 

“Who the fuck is that and what have you done to the loft?” Josh asked, hopping up to sit on the counter. 

“That would be the very best thing that’s ever fallen into my lap. A.k.a my new store and venue manager Maven. She moved back to the area after living in Hollywood for a few years managing bands and she completely changed my life. We finally have consistent stock, a longstanding line up at the club and I have had the time to start photography again. Truly a godsend, if not occasionally a pain in my ass. She turned the loft into a breakroom of sorts.  There’s a couch and table up there now. She practically lives up there sometimes.” 

“Damn she must be some woman if she finally got you to get your shit together with that club.” Sammy piped up. 

“She’s hellfire, I’ll tell yah that.” Levi chuckled, finally hitting play on a playlist. The first bars of Surfin USA by the Beach Boys came on the surround system and matching groans came out of Jake downstairs and Maven upstairs. 

“Not this shit again!” Maven yells. Jake chuckled to himself. Hellfire indeed. 

“It’s my day to pick so suck it!” Levi called back before faux stage whispering to the boys “I mostly just play this to piss her off.”

Levi clapped his hands together once “Well boys, It’s close enough to five o'clock and I owe you a beer. Let’s head over to Little Fleet for some grub and beers and we can catch up.” 

Josh grimaced as he sucked down the last bit of his coffee before lobbing the empty cup into the trash at the end of the counter. “You still make shit coffee Levi.” 

“It’s the one thing I wouldn’t let Maven fix.” Levi said with a grin as all five men exited out the back door. 

                                                           ~0~

The boys took a week to relax, as per Levi’s request. They spent the days hiking the shore, kayaking and drinking beer around the fire. It had been way too long since they’d done this. The release of The Battle at Garden’s Gate had been exhilarating and the fans' response had been everything they’d hoped for. People seemed to love the album and they were all so proud. But with press interviews and touring, they hadn’t gotten more than a day or two to relax at a time. And they certainly hadn’t gotten a chance to get back to their favorite old haunts in years. 

They stopped by the store almost every morning for a cup of coffee strong enough to jumpstart their hearts. Sometimes Levi joined them on their escapades, and sometimes he stayed behind to help out at the store. The boys spent a few afternoons sifting through albums and strumming on some of Levi’s vintage guitars. 

Mostly they caught up on each other's lives. The boys recounted their more personal lives that happened outside the coverage of the album and Levi talked about the past few years of his life in Traverse City. Levi told them all about Maven and how she was practically his little sister. They laughed. They drank. They had a blast. 

The boys noticed Levi was a little on edge occasionally, typically when they heard someone shuffling upstairs or equipment moving around in the backroom of the shop. They assumed it was Maven but weren’t sure, since they had yet to see her in the flesh. A week from their arrival they were all sitting in lawn chairs in the alley behind the store, smoking cigs and drinking their coffee when Sam finally asked. 

“So, why haven’t we met your precious Maven yet? Hiding her from us or something?” 

Levi shifted a bit in his chair. “Um..” he coughed out a laugh. “I am actually. Yes. But it’s the other way around, I’m hiding you from her.” 

“Afraid she’ll fan-girl or something?” Josh commented as he ashed his cigarette.  

“In… a sense.” Levi coughed. “But in quite the opposite way you’re imagining.” 

“She’s a fan then?” Sammy piped up.

“She loves your music. A lot.” Levi sniffed and coughed again. “It’s a real safe haven for her. When she’s having a bad day I catch her upstairs laying on the floor smoking a J with sound cancelling headphones blasting your albums as loud as she can.” 

“Exactly how it’s meant to be enjoyed. With a joint in hand.” Jake chimes in.  

“Yeah..” Levi toes the asphalt a bit with his boots, but doesn’t continue.

“Soooo” Sammy drawls “Why can’t we meet her? We’re no stranger to super fans. I’m sure she’s cool.” 

“Um, well. It’s a bit complicated.” Levi heaves a sigh before flicking his cigarette butt into the coffee canister at the center of their little circle. “I suppose I can trust you guys. You’re friends. Do you remember the huge lawsuit that the band Undercover Heart went through last year? The one about the um” He coughs again, “Rape of one of their staff members by the lead singer Ryan?” 

“Yes. That shit was horrific man.” Danny spoke up. “I read all the details I could. They kept the poor girl's identity private but goddamn I felt so bad for her. She was a badass for filing that suit though.” 

“Yeah. She was.” Levi breathed. “So, this is strictly off record and if you repeat this to anyone I will skin you all alive, famous rock stars be damned.” 

“Jesus Levi.” Jake said. 

“It was her.” Levi choked out. “Maven. That’s why she ran back from Hollywood and ended up here. That dude messed her up and she just… she struggles with meeting famous bands now. You know how many people cycle through this joint writing stuff. She just… has a really fuckin hard time with it sometimes. Particularly bands she likes. I think it’s because once you meet someone, and in her case, discover how much of a monster they can be, their music isn’t… safe anymore.” 

“Fuck.” Jake said, flicking his cigarette into the canister. 

“Well I feel terrible for joking about her being a fangirl.” Josh mutters. 

“She just genuinely loves you guys a lot. I never really told her I was an old friend because I didn’t want her to be worried about y’all stopping by. I just know that if she knows you’re here she’ll take off and avoid coming by the shop as much as she can and not only do I need her here, but I think she needs the safety of the shop too. I didn’t want to wreck it.” Levi sighs again. “I know she’ll find out you’re here eventually, it’s inevitable. I just was a coward and didn’t want to break the news to her.” 

“She was a pretty well known band manager wasn’t she?” Danny asks. “She like… completely made Undercover Heart what it was. Before they hired her they were slated to be a one hit wonder but she hauled them into relevancy basically by her will alone.” 

“Yeah. She basically built that man's career for him. She gave him everything, and he took everything from her. If I ever see the man I’m liable to get my ass thrown in prison.” Levi mutters.

“I’ll help.” Danny says immediately. 

All five sit in silence for a few minutes, smoking the last of their cigarettes. When they’d all finished, they stood and stretched to head back inside the shop. 

“So yeah. Anyway, If you see her that’s fine, just… well now you have context for… her.” Levi says as he yanks open the door. 

A few steps into the back hallway, Levi suddenly halts, causing all four boys to nearly bash into each other. The front door to the shop had crashed open and there were footsteps stomping across the store toward the front desk. 

“Listen Levi,” Maven’s tense voice carried down the back hall. “I know Wednesdays are usually your day for music but I’m having an absolute shit fucking day so I’m playing Greta all day and there’s absolutely nothing you can fucking do about it, kapeesh?” 

The very opening chords of Edge of Darkness scratch through the speakers after she finishes her sentence and the boys all exchange a slightly amused look, grins spread on all of their faces. 

“Kapeesh.” Levi calls out to her. He spins and silently nods to the boys to head toward the back door. The boys attempt to be as quiet as they can as they creep toward the door. 

“Also, Levi?” Maven calls again. Everyone halts in their tracks. “You said there was a band coming in soon. Are they here yet? Do you need me to set up the backroom?” 

“Uh, yeah they’re here.” Levi squeaks. All five men share nervous looks. “They’re uh… up at the house.” He cringes at his lie. “I’m getting an equipment list from them today and then you can get started. 

“Cool cool.” Maven calls back. “Do you think I’ll like their stuff?” 

“Uh. Yeah.” Levi grins then. “I think you will.” 

“Wicked.” Maven calls back. 

All five men repress giggles as they skedaddle out the back door and into the alley. 

                                                        ~0~

The next morning the boys wake up to a group text from Levi. 

COME BY THE SHOP ASAP. COME IN BACK DOOR. HEAD DOWN THE STAIRS TO THE BOOTH. BE AS QUIET AS YOU CAN. 

A weird request, but they did as they were told. They all piled into the SUV they had rented and headed to the shop. Danny peeled open the back door as quietly as he could, and Sammy opened the door to the stairs. They tiptoed down and through the door at the end of the stairs that opened into the booth of a sound studio. Levi sat in front of all the mixing boards with a cup of coffee to his lips. He glanced over at them and softly said “coffees on the table.” 

“Why the weird text?” Jake asked. 

“Because of that.” Levi responded softly, pointing through the dark glass into the soundstage. 

The sound stage was littered with mismatched rugs, and a few milk crates that doubled as tables. There was a gorgeous seafoam green drum set toward the back wall and stands full of various guitars and basses. Along the left wall was a piano and a Mellotron set up exactly to the specifications Sam sent over. However, with all these beautiful instruments to look at that would normally catch their eye, it was the woman sitting on stool in the center, cradling a dark purple Fender guitar that made Jake stop in his tracks. 

Maven, Jake had to guess that’s who it was, was wearing checkered distressed pants, with a ripped up old band t-shirt cropped at her ribs, revealing a sliver of the rounded part of her stomach. Over top she was wearing an orange leopard print cardigan that ran down to her thighs. Around her neck was a series of long necklaces, and her wrists were adorned with interlacing leather bands. 

She was plucking out a melody with her eyes closed, rocking back and forth on the stool. Jake had seen countless numbers of people playing the guitar before. On the road, in the studio, studying old masters on YouTube. There was nothing overly special about the way she was sitting or playing, but he felt a little bit like he couldn’t breathe. 

“She never fuckin plays anymore man.” Levi whispered. “It felt like magic hearing music coming out of the basement this morning. I just felt like you should see it.” 

The melody she was playing was sad. Haunting is a better way to put it, and Jake couldn’t look away. Not even when Sammy placed a cup of burning hot coffee into his hands. She was moving her head along with her playing, the strands of her dark messy hair shaking back and forth. The group watched in silence as she played out the riff a few times, Levi cranked the volume of the mics in the space and they could hear her humming softly. 

“She has a strong presence.” Josh murmured. 

Maven suddenly stopped. Everyone froze as she heaved a sigh and stood from the stool to put the guitar back on it’s rack. 

“You in there Levi?” Maven said then. The boys still didn’t move a muscle. Jake’s head was spinning, having finally seen the face that went with the voice he’d heard in the loft for a week. She was beautiful. He couldn’t even really put his finger on why, but he couldn’t take his eyes off her. Even seeing her through the thick dark glass of the studio. 

Levi hit the button to the mic in the booth and responded “Yah.” He paused before adding. “Sounded good.” 

Maven snorted in a self-deprecating way and said “Thanks.” 

Levi hit the mic button again and said “You should play more.”

“Don’t push it Levi.” Maven snapped back. Levi released the button to his mic and let out a heavy sigh. “Can you check some levels on the lines for me? I think I have everything pretty good but I want to make sure before they get here today.” 

“Sure.” Levi replied. 

Maven pulled the amp cord out of the Fender she had been playing on and plugged it into another guitar, one more similar to the guitars that Jake regularly used while they wrote. 

“Are we looking for a punk or a rock-y sound?” Maven asked. 

“Um.” Levi hesitated. “Rock. Their sound is like…” He tossed a small smile over his shoulder at the boys. “Like Greta’s actually.” 

“Dope. I hope they’re not just copying the boys. They’ve got a mellotron in here and everything.” The boys smiled. She pounded out a few chords on the guitar. “Good?” 

Levi looked over at Jake for confirmation. Jake, who still had not taken his eyes off Maven, nodded. 

“Yeah, that should be good for raw sound. They can play with stuff too. They’re a pretty well educated bunch.” Levi called back.

“Thank god.” Maven snorted. “Not like that indie punk bunch you booked last month who needed me to do fucking all their sound mixing for them.” 

“Maven, I don’t think they kept asking you down here because they need help with their sound.” 

Maven just rolled her eyes at that.  

They repeated the process with each instrument, Levi silently asking for confirmation from the respective Greta member until they were sure the sound lines were all functioning properly. 

“Great work kid.” Levi called into the studio. 

“Ew don’t call me kid. I’m a 27 year old woman.” Maven called back. 

Levi chuckled. “You’re a kid to me.” 

“Whatever.” Maven muttered. “I’m gonna go take a walk along the beach. Smoke a little. Text me if they need me.” 

“Will do.” Levi called back. The boys all tensed, looking for places to hide, or to run up the stairs and back into the alley. Luckily, Maven took the back door out of the studio and up another hallway instead.

“Well boys, it’s all you.” Levi said. “Text if you need anything.” 

Sam piped up and said “Yeah actually, can you pick my brother’s jaw up off the floor?” 

“Jake see pretty lady play guitar and Jake brain break.” Josh teased. 

“You guys suck.” Jake grumbled. 

Levi cackled. “I thought you’d like her.”  

                                                        ~0~

Maven walked along the coast of the bay and absentmindedly smoked a joint. It was an overcast and drizzly day which meant there was no one around, which she preferred anyway. She was feeling on edge. The drizzle was very slowly building a small sheen of water on her arms and hair, but she didn’t mind. The cool water and gentle breeze combination was perfect. 

Maven sat her butt down in the sand and stared out at the waves. She normally wore headphones on her walks, her world was a near constant stream of music, but she had opted for silence today. 

Levi was being weird. He was edgy around her all week, sending her out every morning for tasks and disappearing without saying where he was going around 4:30 every day. She had come to the conclusion that whatever band was in town this week was a pretty big name. Or big enough that he was nervous about her being around them. She sighed. She hated when he tiptoed around her. Maven didn’t blame him. When she first started working at the shop she had had a couple pretty bad PTSD episodes that had scared the shit out of him. She owed him everything for staying with her, talking her down and making sure she was fed and had water when she got into one of her states. 

Levi was her best friend, to put it mildly. He cared for her, kept her safe and in return she busted her ass at his store making sure they had the best products, the best shows and that their artist getaway was something that people would go back and tell their friends about. She loved Levi like an older brother, and he cared for her like his little sister. She would forever be grateful to whatever power in the universe made her stumble into The Edge two years ago. 

She had been high out of her mind, as she had been most days after she came running back to Michigan with her tail between  her legs, and Levi had been struggling with an amp in the shop. She had walked in, spotted his struggle and didn’t even say a word to him, just walked over and fixed the wiring so that it was functional again. Levi had looked up from where he sat on the floor and said “You don’t happen to need a job do you?” 

The rest was essentially history. It only took two months of seeing him every single day, and him not letting her sour moods go by unnoticed, for her to spill her guts over some bourbon one night. About Ryan and Undercover Heart and how badly the whole situation fucked her up. How after she’d recorded her testimony she’d boarded the next flight to Grand Rapids and hightailed it up north. She came crash landing into Traverse City because she’d always loved it as a kid, and figured it would be a great place to start over. The small town she’d grown up in had too many people who knew her. 

He was extra careful with bands for a while. Never letting her be alone in a room with too many male band members, and carefully vetting everyone who came through. Eventually she told him off about treating her like a porcelain doll and he backed down a bit, giving her free reign over lots of the equipment set ups and giving her plenty of hours in the shop by herself. She was happy to do so, so Levi could focus on fixing up the artist house and starting his photography again. 

But he was still very gentle with her sometimes, and she’d always love him for it even when it pissed her the fuck off. 

Once she’d smoked the joint down to the roach, she tucked the end into her pocket. It was sacrilegious to litter near the lake. It was too precious to be fucked with. She meandered back toward the shop. Her plan was to grab her bag and head back to let her Pitbull, Stacy, out for a walk and pee. The girl had been cooped up all morning and Maven felt bad. 

She threw her whole body against the front door, as the latch often stuck, and the loud sound of the chimes clanged in the empty space. She rolled her eyes. Of course Levi left the shop unattended and unlocked. It was Traverse City, no one was gonna rob them, but what if someone wanted to buy something? 

She was humming softly to herself as she made her way around the edge of the counter and plopped down on the stool by the register. She whipped out her phone to ask Levi where he was. She had the message halfway typed when the door behind her, the one that led to the staff restroom, popped open. 

“You know, crime is especially low in this town but that doesn’t mean someone wouldn’t come in here and try to steal your precious coffee maker.” She tossed over her shoulder. 

“Oh.” Was all that came back. It was decidedly not Levi’s voice. Maven spun back quickly. 

“Sorry I…” But that’s as far as she got. She was suddenly face to face with Jake Kizska and all thoughts quickly left her brain. 

They both stared at each other for a long moment. Maven couldn’t quite figure out why he looked just as shocked to see her as she was to see him. He also almost looked afraid for some reason that Maven couldn’t figure out.

He was dressed in an outfit she’d seen him wear plenty of times. A black button up, half unbuttoned, loose fitting light wash jeans and a pair of well worn boots. His wrists were full of bracelets and his hair was longer than the last time she’d seen footage of their concerts, well past his collarbones at this point. 

“Hi.” Jake finally broke the silence. “I’m Jake.” He reached out his hand for a handshake. 

“I know.” Maven replied, and then coughed. Why did you say that you freak? 

Suddenly the front door bell chimed again, and Maven whipped her head to see Levi coming in the front door. She stood abruptly from her stool, skirted around Jake’s outstretched hand, and out from behind the counter. She scooped up her leather satchel on her way. 

She headed straight at Levi. He glanced over his shoulder and saw an apologetic Jake looking forlorn and lowering his hand back to his side. 

“Oh hey Maven-” 

“Hey dumbass, don’t leave the store unattended again. I’m going home to check on Stacy. Probably won’t be back for the rest of the day.” Maven spit as she stormed past him toward the front door. 

“Maven wait-” 

But she was already outside, the hinges bringing the heavy wood crashing back into the frame. The chime of the bells rang through the space. 

“Sorry.” Jake muttered. 

“Not your fault. I knew she’d find out eventually. Right now she’s probably just pissed I didn’t tell her. Which she has every right to be.” Levi sighed. 

After a few more beats of silence Jake spoke again. “Who’s Stacy?” 

Levi huffed a laugh. “That would be her Pitbull.” 

“Oh.” Jake said again. He felt crazy because his brain couldn’t come up with anything else to say. She was prettier up close. She smelled like the Lake and weed and sandalwood. He really wished she’d taken his hand. He shook his head trying to find his brain in it somewhere. 

The other three boys came clambering up the stairs and into the store. They all looked between Levi, who was still standing in the middle of the shop, and Jake behind the counter. 

“Are you two playing freeze tag or something?” Sam quipped. 

“Jake met Maven.” Levi responded. The boys' heads whipped toward Jake. 

“And… I’m guessing it… went well?” Danny questioned.

Levi finally walked back toward the counter. “She left for the day. This is on me. I should have told her y’all were here.” He snagged his keys from below the counter and walked toward the front door to lock up. “I’m closing early, boys. Let’s go get a beer.” 

“Kowabunga baby.” Josh said with a grin.  

                                                     ~0~

Maven sat curled up on her velvet couch, Stacy was her little spoon. There was incense burning, a bottle of wine open on the side table and a lit joint in the ashtray. She had changed into a giant t-shirt and boxer shorts. The soft sounds of John Denver playing off her record player. 

However, none of these things were easing her mind. 

She was pissed, mostly. At herself. At Levi. She was pissed he didn’t tell her they were coming. She was pissed that he felt he couldn’t tell her. She was pissed that she had acted like a freak in front of Jake. 

The anxiety was an endless pit in her stomach. She couldn’t go back there tomorrow. She couldn’t see any of those people. Not when she felt like this. 

She whipped out her phone and quickly shot a message to Levi, before chugging her whole glass of red wine and snagging the joint out of the ashtray. 

                                                        ~0~

Levi’s phone dinged on the table where all of the guys sat drinking beers and chatting. Levi glanced at it and quickly picked it up when he saw her name. 

“It’s Maven.” He said. 

“What did she say?” Jake asked, sitting up a bit in his chair. 

“Fuck.” Levi said, tossing his phone on the table, still unlocked. 

All four boys leaned in to read the screen. 

CASHING IN ALL MY VACATION DAYS. I’LL BE OUT FOR TWO WEEKS. 

“Fuck indeed.” Josh said, pounding back the rest of his beer.

[shorkbrian]

Mirrors

Prelude - Haha Hi I've never done anything quite like this or this long (like 5k bich) but I am THORSTy and I’ve been sitting on these asks for so long I’m so sorry. ALSO to the ppl sending me the sweet gentle asks about my blog guess what??? I would D I E for you legit I read one of them this morning I almost teared up. I haven’t cried (Except for like (TW) s*ui*ide cry lol those don’t count) since like??? last year?? no joke. 

ANYWHO idk how to write a praise kink so I went with like, insecurity? but then Kiribaku likes makes the reader just melt cause they keep praising her and they bring it out during nasty times and she's GONE yeeted off the earth it makes her so hot and wet lol.

Pairing - Kiribaku X Reader

Prompt - 

Warnings - NSFW!!!! Dirty talk, my best effort at a praise kink, mirror stuff, ummmm mentions of kidnapping. DUB-CON big time, maybe technically even noncon cause reader DOES NOT want it but has just. resigned herself to being a plaything.

Music - https://youtu.be/STO4-8vkG0U 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“What the fuck did you just say?”

You couldn’t meet Bakugou’s eyes. HIs gaze was so intense, eyes so passionate and fierce. You were so embarrassed, aware of Kirishima’s gaze fixed on your form from where he was seated in the armchair.  

“I-I…….. don’t like it…. when you talk like that….”

“Fuckin’ what?” Bakugou barked, his brows knitting in confusion.  

“What do you mean, baby?” Kiri stood, moving to sit next to Bakugou on the couch so he could see your face.

You wiggled around uncomfortably in your spot on the floor,  where you were kneeling between Bakugou’s feet.  Kirishima had made some comment, something about how pretty you looked being so sweet for Bakugou. You were literally just sitting there, but Kiri thought you worthy of praise

“It’s not true…… I’m not-my body doesn’t look nice and I just….. every time you guys say stuff about me, all I can think of is how bad I look.”  It was hard to choke out the words, your face flushing red as your eyes filled with tears. You were so embarrassed, having to explain your insecurities to your kidnappers. It was bad enough that they dressed you up in slinky outfits, booty shorts and thin shirts that were almost see-through. You hated it, hated the way it made you feel, hated the way it made you look. It was humiliating.

“Well that’s a bunch of bullshit. I don’t go around saying shit unless it’s true.” Bakugou glared down at you. He seemed angry that you would even have that view of yourself, the foot resting on the floor by your hip beginning to tap in agitation. 

Kirishima scooted closer so he could reach you, his hand coming up to stroke your hair. “We mean what we say. You’re beautiful, such a good, obedient little girl for us.”

“No, no - please don’t say that kind of stuff!”  You were getting worked up now, tears falling freely as you hugged your arms around your body. Kirishima shared a look with Bakugou, the two men quickly deciding to drop the conversation and move on to something else.

“Tch, whatever. C’mere”  Bakugou patted his leg, prompting you to shuffle out of your kneeling position and onto his lap. You would rather not, but you knew what resistance would result in, and you’d prefer not having to nurse a sore bottom and mild burns for the next few days. Bakugou wrapped an arm loosely around your waist, tugging you closer to him on his lap. Kiri still petted your hair, pressed up against the blond man’s side as he smiled at you.

“It’s fine baby, calm down. Maybe one day you’ll see what we see.” Without leaving any room for you to argue, Kirishima planted a quick smooch on your forehead before rising from the couch. “Do you two have any preferences for dinner? I was thinking we could order something from that yakisoba place, remember Bakugou? The one Mina recommended.”

“Yeah, go for it. They have any spicy shit?”

Tuning them out, you swiped at your tears, trying to reel yourself back into a steady emotional state. You feel so weak these days, both physically and emotionally. Being held captive by the two men had worn you down, made you prone to teary outbursts. You held no control - your daily routine dictated by the men from the first day they had snatched you from your home. You were reluctant to obey, had even fought them at first, but you quickly realized it was easier (and less painful) to just do what they wanted.  

Fighting was useless.

——

Weeks had passed since your little outburst. Unfortunately, Bakugou and Kirishima weren’t willing to give up praising you every chance they got.  You had an inkling suspicion that they had upped the amount of comments they made about you ever since that day, enjoying watching you squirm and your face go bright red. It made you blush, yes. Made your heart beat a little faster, made you flounder for words if you were in the middle of speaking. But you just felt….. shame when they praised you. 

They lauded you for your obedience, how compliant you were for them. Kiri would ask you to sit down and wait at the table while he answered the door (“don’t make a sound baby.”), and you did. Bakugou would have you sit in his lap while playing video games, and you tried you’re best not to squirm. It made you almost feel sick inside, how quickly you had adjusted to being their “good girl”. You just wanted to please, didn’t want them angry at you.

What really made you blush was when they would strip you down, bend you over the nearest surface. They’d be fucking into you, fondling your body while whispering compliments in-between kisses. You never felt “beautiful” nor “delicious”, no matter how many times they told you otherwise. It was especially humiliating when one of them would take you on the bed, the other watching. You always wanted to hide, shield away your body from their prying eyes, but they never let you.

You just didn’t get it, didn’t understand what they saw when they looked at you. Staring into the bathroom mirror, all you saw were your imperfections, your insecurities.  It was shameful, pathetic. You felt entirely unworthy of the attention and love you were being showered with.

——

The boys had seemed more… energetic today, Kirishima almost seeming to bounce with each step, Bakugou smiling gently at you. It made you nervous. It made you even more nervous when Bakugou took his leave, giving both you and Kirishima a quick peck on the lips before going out the door. It was a weekend, and you knew that both men didn’t have work today. You tried asking Kirishima where Bakugou was going, but all you got out of him was a laugh and “Don’t worry about it! He’s gonna do a little bit of shopping.”

Well, at least that eased your mind a tiny bit.

You didn’t have much time to dwell on it though, Kirishima herding you into the basement.  It was the their home gym, filled with weights and machines that kept the two men strong and fit, and you weren’t usually allowed down there. If you were, it was because both of the men were present, and they could watch you while they worked out (you knew that they liked showing off for you, even if they didn’t admit it.).

But today Kiri wasn’t going down there to work out. Once the two of you made it down the steps, Kiri was pulling an exercise bench over, instructing you to lay down on it, belly up.  You did what he said.

“‘Kay, I’m gonna go upstairs to get some stuff. I want your shorts off by the time I get back, alright baby?”

You nodded.

Sighing, you shimmied your shorts down as he left. You never had to worry about underwear - they never let you wear it unless you were on your period. You knew vaguely what direction this was going in, and had already resigned yourself to getting fucked silly by the redhead. It was practically useless trying to resist.

When he came back, you were surprised. He had rope and…… a Hitachi. That was new. In the short time you’d been living with them, you had gotten used to their habits when they fucked you. Neither man was too interested in toys,  preferring to stimulate you manually, so this was an unwelcome surprise.

“Mmhm, you look so sexy baby.” Kiri kneeled down next to you, before peeling apart your thighs. He grinned at you, shark teeth flashing, before snatching up the Hitachi wand, pressing it directly against your pussy. You didn’t like where this is going. 

He didn’t turn it on, instead reaching for the rope that he had brought down. The redhead began wrapping it around your thighs, lifting your legs to encircle them with the rope. It took a few minutes, which were tense, silent as you watched him work.  He made sure to also circle the rope around your hands and torso, anchoring your arms by your side. When Kiri was finished, you were trapped, unable to move your legs, to even simply part them an inch. The Hitachi wand was still directly on your pussy, snug and unmoving. It rubbed against your clit, making you bite your lip at the delicious friction.  Kirishima gave you a flashy smile, turning to ruffle your hair. Distantly you noticed he didn’t have a shirt on.

“Alright babe, we’re gonna have some fun while we wait for Katsuki. You know what this is?” He tapped the wand nestled between your legs.

“It’s…. It’s a vibrator.” You managed, throat suddenly dry.

Kirishima seemed to beam even brighter. “Yeah! I’m gonna turn it on, let you have your fun. But you gotta tell me before you cum, okay? Think you can do that?”

A quick nod from you and the vibrator buzzed to life between your legs, Kirishima not in the mood to dawdle. Your back arched off the bench at the sensation, the pleasure quick and intense. Kirishima stayed kneeling beside you, watching you writhe as he changed the speed of the wand. 

It didn’t take long for you to cry out, “Kirishima, I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum!”, a thin sheen of sweat covering your body. It made your shirt stick to your chest, accentuate the heaving of your breasts as panted. Right before you orgasmed though, Kiri flipped the off switch, the vibrations cutting off and leaving you hanging. Your eyes shot open, confusion furrowing you’re brow.

“Wha-Kiri? What?”

The redhead smirked, pressing a hand to your tummy to prevent you from moving against the wand, desperate for more stimulation, desperate to orgasm.

“Not yet baby, not yet.”

He patted your stomach soothingly as you stared up at him in confusion. You had been so close! Why have you tell him when you’re going to cum, only to rip that away from you??

A minute passed, then two, Kirishima still rubbing his big hand across your tummy. It was meant to be soothing, a soft gesture, but it only heated your skin, made pleasure thrum in your veins. When you had sufficiently calmed down, chest no longer heaving, Kiri reached down and flicked the wand back on, chuckling at the way you desperately ground against the rounded head of the toy.

“Mm, desperate little baby, aren’t you?” He was kissing your neck, letting his tongue slip out to lick at the skin there.  It set you on fire. Reaching the high of orgasm came even quicker this time, spurred on by your movements and determination to cum. If you didn’t tell Kirishima when you were about to, he wouldn’t be able to stop you. So you stayed silent, circling your hips as best you could, leaning into the hot kisses being pressed to your throat.

All of a sudden, the vibrator clicked off, Kirishima’s hand on your tummy once again.

“Thought you could get away with that one? You’re so cute.”

You felt like screaming, yelling out your frustration. He knew your body too well, could feel the hitch in your breath as you prepared to orgasm, felt your fingers tighten, clenching around nothing. He had stopped the vibrator right as you were beginning to feel it, the wave of pleasure. It was frustrating.

You could hardly believe you were thinking this, but you couldn’t wait for Bakugou to get back.

——

It was torture, having your orgasm slip away from you time after time. Kirishima was having fun, groping your chest, leaving sloppy kisses along your neck and collarbone. He liked seeing you struggle, almost at the point of begging and pleading with him in your need to cum.

He had been edging you for a while now, you didn’t even know how many orgasms he had yanked you away from. Kiri had just stopped you once more, turning the vibrator off and holding you still /right/ as you felt yourself letting go. You wanted to scream, on the verge of tears. But then Kirishima was glancing at his phone, stuffing it in his pocket before standing so he could untie you from the bench.

“Bakugou’s back, we’re gonna go see what he brought home for us!”

You could barely think straight, wincing when Kiri removed the vibrator pressing up against your pussy. You were drenched, pussy wet and red and puffy, your own slick covering your thighs. Kirishima helped you to your feet, guiding you into your shorts. You were too out of it to do much, simply letting the man guide and push and lift your body as he pleased. When he pressed up against you to pull your shorts snug over your hips, you felt his bulge through his shorts, poking you in the stomach.  You suppose he’d been waiting for relief too, just the same as you.

Kirishima helped you totter up the basement stairs, then guided you towards the bedroom, hand on your waist. You stumbled through the door, eyes immediately focusing on the giant mirror leaned up against the wall. How had Bakugou even gotten it through the door?  

“Damn Kiri, you’re really worked up.”

Bakugou was sitting on the bed, unlacing his shoes. Kirishima chuckled, hand leaving your waist so he could go sit beside the blonde.

“Me and her both man. Had to hold myself back, she was making such raunchy sounds.”

Their attention turned to you, both men smirking as they eyed you, Kirishima still with a prominent tent in his shorts.

“Yeah, I fuckin’ bet.”  Bakugou smirked. 

Kirishima stood, stepping languidly around you until he was at your back, broad chest pressing up against you.

“I mean, look at this -“ a hand cupped your mound, making you jump. You were still sensitive from being denied so many times, even the slightest touch had you twitching. “ - she’s fucking dripping.”

It was true, the crotch of your shorts soaked with your juices. Kiri rubbed his index finger against the seam, pressing it up and against your clit. You shuddered, hand flying up at grasp onto his arm. It felt so good, you hated his touch, didn’t want his hands on you, but oh, your body liked it.

Kirishima pushed you forward, fingers still teasing you through your wet shorts.  You gasped when you were pushed face first into the bed, bent at the waist.  A hot, blunt hardness rubbed up against you, Kiri’s hand still cupping your mound.

“You’re being such a good little bitch, letting us do whatever the fuck we want to your stupid little cunt.” 

You lifted your eyes, saw Bakugou smirking down at you as you were rocked gently by the force of Kiri’s humping. The blond was palming himself over his jeans, but your attention was quickly shifted when you felt your shorts getting ripped down, off your body.

“Step out.” You obeyed. Kirishima was hungry, lustful - voice deeper and serious now - no trace of his signature lightheartedness. He always got like this this when he was excited.  Your head was wrenched to the side, cheek mashed against the bedspread, large hand pressing and holding you in place. Belatedly, you recognized you were facing the mirror leaned against the wall, could see Kirishima’s bulk behind you, his shorts already pulled down to reveal his hard cock. If you hadn’t taken it before, you would be scared. He was thick, blunt and girthy - not to mention a considerable length. The tip was flushed red, almost purple, shiny with leaked precum and almost swollen. 

“Look at yourself in the mirror baby, you see that? How nice you look, all obedient and ready to take my cock? Such a good, sweet little girl.”

You looked so tiny compared to the redhead, the man having to bend his knees slightly to rub the head of his cock against your pussy. You tried not to moan when he focused it on your clit, rubbing it rapidly over the nub.  “Kiri - please……Aah! Let me - lemme cum..” You whined.

“God, you’re so perfect, you know that?” He breathed out a laugh, still rubbing the head of his blunt cock over your clit, hand still forcing your head to the side, making you watch his movements. You almost wanted to cry - being teased and denied for so long. You just wanted to cum, wanted to get this over quickly so you could go shower. 

Normally seeing yourself in a mirror was something you’d try to avoid, not favoring the way you looked. But now, you were mesmerized, watching through the reflection the way Kirishima’s red cock pulsed as he finally, finally slipped it into your opening. You choked on a moan as he slowly stretched you out, feeding inch after inch of his wide cock into you. In the mirror, you saw him tip his head back, groaning low in his throat when he finally bottomed out, fat balls pressed flush against you.

 “Fuck, oh god, feels so good. You’re so good, can feel your pretty little pussy trying to milk me.” He leaned down, warm chest plastered across your back as he whispered in your ear. 

“You really want this, don’t you? Such a gorgeous baby, so sexy and hot and  perfect.”

The man didn’t start out slowly, he never did. He was aggressive, unrelenting as he thrust his fat cock into you over and over. Your legs were shaking, the pleasure making you weak-kneed, your tongue lolling out of your open mouth, unable to quiet your moans. Kirishima’s pace was frenzied, excited, animalistic as he chased his own pleasure, the sound of his skin slapping against your own filling the room. It was incredible.

His dick hit all the right spots, pressing you closer and closer to your orgasm. If he didn’t let you cum this time you were going to cry.  Your could hear the lecherous, sinful sounds of your pussy squelching, milky juices getting everywhere. It coated his dick, was covering your thighs. You could feel drops of wetness being flicked everywhere on every thrust, the wet, fast slaps of his thighs against you making your stomach clench even harder.  The hand in your hair pulled up slightly, wrenching your head back in order for Kiri to give your a quick, desperate kiss - full of teeth and spit. He had hardly detached from your lips before he was mouthing at your back, spitting out filth as he did so.

“Shit, I love you so much. Wish I could be inside you all time - see how easily your body takes me? You were made for this, such a filthy little baby. Always look so tempting, always wanna fuck you, fill you up, make you squirt.” 

His words were getting to you, as you were forced to watch him pounding into you, hips snapping and tensing in an animalistic fashion. It was too much - the pleasure, his crude words, the visual of seeing yourself getting fucked, worshipped. Your eyes closed, clenching shut as you moaned over a particularly satisfying thrust. Kiri didn’t like that. The hand not holding your head against the bed slipped underneath you, immediately finding your clit, pinching at it viciously.

“Open your eyes, keep watching or else I stop.”

You wailed, eyes flying open. Kirishima was smiling, still kissing sloppily at your back as he began playing with your clit.

“You always look so tasty, can’t tell you - Fuck! - how many times I think about fucking your brains out during the day - shit, you’re so good for me.”

HIs hips stuttered as he rammed forward, signaling he was close. He wasn’t the only one - your hands clawing at the bedspread, your hips moving and twitching as you tried to grind yourself against his hand, his cock slamming into you.  His big hand rubbed you just right, and it sent a pang of sizzling pleasure trough your body.  A broken cry left you as you finally orgasmed, hot, shaking, senseless. Thank god.

The wild twitching of your pussy as you rode out your high triggered Kirishima’s own orgasm, the man burying his face between your shoulder blades as his own hips twitched wildly, humping his cock into you as he released his seed.  He was cursing, saying something, but it was muffled by the skin he caught between his teeth, making you squeal as you felt hot cum shoot into you. It took a minute for the man to slow down, thrusting through his orgasm and into the aftershocks, milking and prolonging both of your pleasure. It felt so good, so right. You were so high from the endorphins that you couldn’t even think to remember how wrong this was, how you didn’t want any of it.

Pulling out, Kirishima watched his cum begin dripping out of your cunt, pushing himself away from your back as he stood, chest heaving, body glistening with sweat. You were barely able to keep yourself up, still bent over the bed, legs wobbly and arms jelly. A separate set of hands pulled you to the side, and you let yourself be manhandled, pulled and situated in Bakugou’s lap, his chest to your back.

You had forgotten about Bakugou.

His jeans were off, along with his boxers. His shirt was gone too, thrown somewhere on the floor. The blond ripped at the shirt still plastered to your chest, the fabric giving in easily to his strength. You couldn’t bring yourself to care as it shredded right through the middle, freeing your tits. It’s not like it hid anything anyways.

“Jesus, that was so fuckin’ hot, watching Kiri pound into you like that. Look at yourself, leaking everywhere like a damn hose. You like having Kiri’s cum sliding out of your soggy little cunt?” 

His chin hooked over your shoulder and he directed your gaze forward. 

There was another mirror.

It was leaned up against the far wall, allowing you a perfect view of your sweaty, debauched body as Bakugou spread you legs, hooking your knees over his own so he could force your thighs even further apart. Oh god.

He was hard as a rock, moving your body around on his lap so his dick pressed up against the outside of your pussy, cum still escaping from your hole. You were exhausted, body limp and pliant - you didn’t know if you could go another round.

Bakugou didn’t care.

A harsh slap had you crying out, a sharp “Ah!”  Filling the room. Bakugou slapped your slit again, and you tried to curl in on yourself, protect yourself from the abuse on your sensitive pussy. The blond slithered a hand around your chest, reaching up to grip your throat lightly.

“Stop that. Fucking look at this shit. See how sloppy your pussy is? Everytime I do this - “ He delivered another quick slap, and you writhed on his lap, which caused you to push against the hard cock nestled between your thighs. “ - You let more cream out.”

Without saying anything more, Bakugou shoved the hand not around your throat under your thigh, lifting you up just enough so he could slip his dick into you. HIs cock was less girth than Kirishima’s - it was  about the same length but a more manageable size. He had been jacking off while watching Kiri fuck you, so his length was already coated in a layer of his spit and precum. That, combined with the cum already drenching your insides,  meant he met virtually no resistance as he thrust up slowly.

You writhed, the hand at your throat and at your thigh keeping you steady in his lap. Kirishima was on the floor, leaning his back against the bed as he watched the two of you in the mirror, still panting and calming down from his intense orgasm. 

There wasn’t any time to adjust, to ask Bakugou to wait, you’re too sensitive to go again! He was more relaxed than Kirishima, more controlled and languid in his thrusting. He rolled his hips, bouncing you gently in his lap as he forced you to keep your head straight, despite your efforts to turn away from the mirror showing your own reflection. You looked absolutely filthy - face flushed, tits bouncing, Bakugou’s hard cock drilling into you. You couldn’t help but moan, the sight stirring up something, some heated feeling inside your tummy.You liked watching them fuck you.

“Goddamn, every single time feels so fucking good. Shit, shit shit shit - it’s like you were made for us!”

He sounded so gleeful, so truthful. You unconsciously clenched around his length, feeling tingly as his thrusts ground deep, hit every single spot that made a sweet zing of  bliss race through your body.

“Ah, ah fuck, you finally get it? You see what we’re fuckin’ on about when we say you look so damn delicious? Shit, I wanna take a bite outta you, so juicy and ripe and fucking perfect.”

Bakugou was out of breath, his voice deep as he growled at you.  You grabbed at the arm around your chest, his thighs, his hair - anything to anchor yourself as his balls papped against you. You could hear someone moaning, whining and sobbing, was that you?

Kirishima had recovered, moving to kneel between Bakugou’s and your own spread legs. “Bakugou, you two look so good together.” That seemed to spur the blond on, his thrusts speeding up as he grunted. You screamed when you felt  a wet muscle swip at your clit, looking down to see Kirishima grinning up at you, his tongue hanging out. On each thrust, he was licking at Bakugou’s cock, and then at your clit right above him, making you wiggle and spasm as you tried to escape the intense sensation.

“Kiri, Kir- stop! Stop, please I can’t! Stop, stop stop stop!”

You were pushing at his head, albeit weakly, but you were trying to move him away, becoming frantic as the combined efforts of the two men overwhelmed you, had you throwing your head back against Bakugou’s shoulder and gasping. Bakugou snickered, before plunging his tongue into your open mouth, stealing a kiss. You whined, scrabbling at his arms, Kirishima’s hair, trying to get away but simultaneously trying to bring the two of them closer. It felt so /good/, you didn’t even have the words to describe how heavenly and lascivious and filthy you were feeling. 

“Hah, you’re so wet, you hear yourself? Sloppy girl. Taking me so well, shit, so goddamn good.”

You could indeed, hear yourself. On every thrust of Bakugou’s, your pussy squelched, greedily sucking him in. It was absolutely filthy, hearing your juices and Kiri’s cum sloshing together as Bakugou shoved his cock into you, again and again. You could hear Kirishima slurping at your cunt with fervor, could tell by the slick sounds and rhythmic movement of his arm that he was frantically jerking himself off as he lapped at the point where Bakugou’s hot flesh met your own.  It was hot, not only in temperature. 

“C’mon baby, let it out, let me taste you. Wanna see you clenching around Katsuki’s cock like the good, sweet little girl you are.”

Kirishima’s words hand you reeling, and the second his lips went back to attacking your clit, you were gone. It almost hurt, how tense your muscles became, squeezing an agonizingly delicious orgasm out of you. Bakugou felt you release, his thrusts speeding up as Kirishima kept his tongue out, laving at Bakuguo’s cock as he hammered into your clenching cunt. You were crying, twisting In Bakugou’s hold as you were quickly overstimulated, shrieking as you were left with no respite.

It didn’t take long for Bakugou to cum, spurred on by your writhing and tears, the way you were begging and pleading and sobbing, imploring the men to stop. With a guttural moan, the blond gave on last thrust, shooting his seed into you, hot ropes of cum filling you up. Kirishima was still licking around Bakugou’s cock, catching the cum and slick that squeezed it’s way past the cock plugging you up.

You shivered, relaxing against the hard chest behind you as Kirishima eventually stopped lapping at you, his own arm still. He had cum again at some point, pumping his cock into his own fist. Bakugou pressed a gentle kiss behind your ear, panting hotly against the shell.

“Fuuuuuck-“ he whined out “- that was amazing.”

“Mhmm.” Kiri hummed his agreement, slowly standing. The redhead flopped down on the bed, crawling up to sprawl out on one side, head resting against a pillow. Bakugou slipped out of you with no warning, your sudden gasp as you felt wet drip out of you making him chuckle. He maneuvered your lax body onto the bed, next to Kirishima, before pressing himself up behind you, trapping your body between the two men. You were too tired to feel gross, to mind the wet slide of your thighs as you shifted into a more comfortable position. Kirishima threw an arm around your waist, leaning up on his elbow to hover over and across you, stealing a kiss from Bakugou. Then he was stealing one from you, wet mouth connected to your own. 

You didn’t fight.

When he flopped back down, you breathed a sigh of relief, feeling like you could finally relax as the two men stayed silent, all three of you exhausted, fucked out. 

This was only the tip of the ice berg. 

If you knew how often and intensely the men intended to fuck you near the mirrors, you would probably pass out. They just wanted to show you what they saw in you. It had been two of the strongest orgasms you had experienced in a while, but there was no way you’d admit it was because of their praising and insistence  on making you watch yourself getting railed by them.

For now, you let yourself drift into a comfortable doze, let the heat of the two bodies caging you in keep you warm, keep you trapped.

Why bother fighting? 

There was no escape.

[whentherewerebicycles]

hi! i wanted to say i love reading your reflections on teaching, and in general i really look up to/am inspired by your thoughts regarding education and academia. if it's not too much to ask (completely understandable if it is, in that case please disregard!) i would love to get your advice on college related things?

i had pretty significant academic struggles throughout grade school, and ended up dropping out of college after a year. i would've graduated this may, so lately i've been considering going back and finishing my bachelor's. but i've been waffling on this decision because of 1) anxiety about having to drop out again, and 2) some confusion about what i actually want to study. i guess i'm wondering, is it worth it to start from scratch? my struggles were mostly about mental health stuff & difficulty keeping up with coursework—i loved being in the classroom, working with professors, learning from other students. i like being challenged intellectually, but if i have issues with followthrough, is there a way to work on that??? i know these are Big Questions, lol--whether they are answerable or not, cheers and thank you and i hope you are doing well these days. <3

hey! happy to give my thoughts, for what they're worth. you know your situation better than i do so the specifics may or may not be relevant, but i can give some advice just based on seeing lots of students pass through four-year programs!

i've worked with a number of students who took time away from college and came back to finish later. i took a year off myself in the middle of college for mental health reasons, though my school allowed you to take a two-semester leave of absence for any reason (so i always had the safety net of knowing i could come back without having to reapply or start over). in my experience, time away is almost always a good thing. sometimes people just really need that break from the stressors of the college environment! but more importantly, i think people benefit from having a few years' experience living and working in the world.

even though it can be intimidating to come back to college as an older student, i think older students or nontraditional students who took time off and came back tend to underestimate how much more confident and assured in themselves they'll be once they're back in the classroom. working out in the world for a while, even if it's not a job that you especially love or feel is relevant to your long-term goals, tends to help you build more trust in your own ability to get stuff done, manage responsibilities, and be an adult person in the world. in your time away, you've probably grown more than you think, and you may find that some of the things you struggled with at 18 just don't feel as daunting anymore. or they might feel daunting, but you also have more experience talking and working with other people, and you may feel more confident in seeking out & using your college's various academic success resources.

have you considered a two-year college as a possible next step? one of my advisees this year was an adult student who went to college for a year, dropped out, served in the military for four years, came back to do an associate's degree, and decided he liked school enough that he wanted to transfer to our university and finish his degree. (now he's going on to do a phd next fall!!!!) he's one of the most passionate advocates for community colleges i've ever met, and he's stayed actively involved in our local CC community & now mentors recent transfer students at our university. he's talked at length about how CCs are this amazing way for students to explore their interests without having to take on the huge price tag of a four-year degree, within a learning community that's much warmer, more responsive to student needs, and more accepting of the diverse paths that lead people to & through higher education. i wonder if you might consider taking a semester or a year of courses at your local CC, to dip your toes back in and see if you're still feeling energized by the experience.

you might find that some of the courses aren't intellectually challenging enough, but this might also be a wonderful opportunity to create the kind of learning experience you want to have. i was a full-time community college student for a year during my year away from yale, and while i'm sure i was just INSUFFERABLE in many ways, i had a prof in my Western Civ course who was really generous with his time/energy and met with me outside of class to help me figure out how to make the papers into something that i found really exciting and challenging to write. so the class kind of became what i made of it, and i got to read some stuff (dostoevsky!!!) that sent me down all kinds of interesting unexpected rabbitholes. the former CC grad i mentioned above was an extraordinarily bright student who would always go to office hours and ask his profs for more recommended readings, and he ended up becoming a TA for one of his courses and helped them redesign basically their entire intro humanities curriculum as a student advisor. so your CC experience can absolutely be what you make of it. and even if your profs can't give you that kind of support, you could practice doing it for yourself, setting little challenges for yourself either focused on the intellectual aspects ('I'm going to read and cite two scholarly sources in this paper, even though it's not required') or on developing strategies for effectively managing the workload ('I'm going to schedule a writing center appointment on Thurs, so I have to finish this paper two days before the deadline—and then I can devote my weekend study time to practicing for my Spanish test').

CC would be a slightly lower stakes environment for you to try out college again— lower-stakes both in the sense that it's cheaper (so if you decide you don't want to continue, you're not out as much money / don't feel compelled to go on to justify the debt you've taken on) and in the sense that the workload might be more manageable for you as you readjust to academic life and build systems & structures that work for you. as you probably have gathered from this blog, i am a HUGE believer in doing lower-stakes things many times over to build your own confidence and your trust in yourself, and then gradually scaling up the difficulty. by the time you reach the hard thing, you've already built up this strong image of yourself as a person who can handle challenges (and you've also had the chance to identify areas where you struggle & experiment with developing workable solutions).

if a two-year college isn't something you're especially interested in, i think it's definitely possible to start a four-year degree again. if that's the path you choose, i would strongly recommend reaching out to students in some of the degree programs you're tentatively interested in. people are almost always happy to share their ~wisdom~ (see: this ask response, lol) and most people love being asked for their thoughts on the pros and cons of something they know well. so you could get an honest sense from students of what the program is like, what the workload is like, and how useful or engaging people find the required courses for the degree. but also know that it's pretty normal to take courses all over in your first year or two (you have the advantage of having done a freshman year before, so you probably know this!), so you might just want to plan to try out a bunch of different things, with the goal of narrowing your focus by the end of your first year, or midway through your second.

i would also HIGHLY recommend spending lots of time familiarizing yourself with the resources your university has to offer. learn everything you can about the kind of mental health counseling and support they offer to students, and see if there are things you can set up in advance for yourself before you even step foot on campus. for instance, our university offers individual counseling, but they also have free groups that meet every week or two around different topics (coping with stress, students in recovery, etc) that are led by a counselor. check out your university's writing center or peer tutoring centers, too, and set up a standing appointment once a month or once a week or whatever, to bring in something you're working on—so that you know that every week, you're going to talk with someone about what's going well and what you're struggling with in your assignments.

you might also want to look into your university's services for students with disabilities office, as they can help you figure out if you are eligible for various kinds of accommodations or additional support (extra time on exams, notetaking services, recorded lectures, etc). i know you mentioned that you've dealt with academic struggles in grade school, too. if you think it's possible that there may be underlying learning differences that are affecting your academic work, it might be worth seeing if they can help you find lower-cost testing, so you can get a diagnosis that qualifies you for additional accommodations and university support.

many schools, esp large public universities, also have resource centers and mentoring programs for students from specific demographics who may benefit from additional structure and support in their early years of college. my university has a variety of resource centers and programs for students from low-income backgrounds, first-gen students, students who transferred from community college, etc. you don't have to take advantage of ALL of these resources, but proactively establishing a support network long before you need it is a really good way to set yourself up for success. and even just doing the research will probably help you feel more confident in your capacity to 'follow through', since you'll know that you're going into this with your eyes wide open AND with a detailed plan for what to do if you run into some of the same obstacles you encountered the first time around.

speaking of detailed plans: i find it helpful sometimes to do IF-THEN exercises with students when they're stressed about something on the horizon or unsure about whether they can handle some new challenge. IF-THEN is just what it sounds like: 'IF this thing I'm nervous about happens, THEN I'm going to do X, Y, or Z.' what i like about this exercise (i use it with myself too aha) is that it acknowledges that sometimes the thing you're dreading DOES happen. sometimes the professor you emailed for an extension says no. sometimes the TA doesn't understand why you're confused about the assignment. sometimes you don't have time to finish the reading before class. sometimes you overschedule yourself and you have to pull an all-nighter to finish two papers on the same night. scary things, confidence-shaking things, happen all the time, but they are rarely fatal! and there can be something really powerful about acknowledging and naming the thing you're concerned about, and then generating a few next steps you could take, should the thing you're dreading come to pass. i could see you doing something like this as you start thinking about the things that tripped you up last time, or made it difficult for you to balance the workload. if X happens, then what could you try next? giving yourself a few options means that you already have backup plans, too, which can make the whole situation less terrifying. if this happens, i might have to try this, or this, or this, and those things might not be the most fun or the easiest to do or the 'best' thing academically, but they'll get me through this difficult moment mostly in one piece, and once i'm through it i can look back on it and learn from it, or adjust the structures i've built for myself moving forward, to reduce the chance that X happens again.

PHEW!!! sorry this got so long but that is just the RISK YOU TAKE when sending me anons 😅 i hope that some of this is helpful to you, or at least sparks some useful thinking for you, even if it's not all directly applicable to your situation. i would say that if you love learning and find being in the classroom exhilarating, then you should absolutely go back to college! but that doesn't mean you have to go back right away, or that you have to go back and do it exactly the same way you did the first time. there are lots of possible paths to higher ed, and there's no particular rush—college will always be there, if it's something you decide you want now or at some future point in your life. i would also just reiterate again one of the core Themes of This Blog, which is that the brain is NEUROPLASTIC, and that humans have a truly astounding amazing capacity to change, grow, and learn new things (including new ways of getting around old obstacles or working through old challenges). just because you struggled the first time doesn't mean you are doomed to repeat that pattern. if you can spend some time thoughtfully reflecting on what you found most difficult to manage the first time through, you are better equipped to make plans, design new structures for yourself, and build the support networks that will help you thrive in college.

[andie-cake]

Hmm...

I think it would be interesting to flesh out Emma going to visit Jane (and see Tim, maybe for the first time if we’re staying in canon here) and learning that she’s gone. Maybe not terribly fluffy though, but fun dynamics with Tim and it could explain how she ended up staying with Tom and Tim for the borrowers AU?

In terms of fluff, sorry my brain doesn’t like fluff without some tinge of sadness, for HOHF, Emma and Paul fight [villain of your choice] and someone gets hurt and the aftermath of that. Alternatively, I’d love to know if Tim has the Nitro Gene and if so, if he joins his Aunt Emma and Uncle Paul in the field. That could be so cute! (Although, he could also join mission control or maybe make friends with another super if Hannah has powers as well? But that’s not Paulkins...) If you feel like picking up a family fluff piece, which is personally my favorite genre, lol, I’d love to see Paul and Emma as parents and if their child shows their powers early (since it’s not nitro gene specific from Paul, if it can be inherited, of course, and now I’m imaging Jack Jack from the incredible, lol) or for Harriet and Tex to come back and see their baby (oh that would be adorable because grandparent plants and you can imagine how proud they would be of Emma!) or to see how Slacky interacted with the baby. (I’m imagining a how a Golden Retriever interacts with babies now... 😂) Or, if you’d prefer to ignore children all together, Emma going back home and taking Paul to meet Harriet and Tex (meet the parents essentially). Well, I’m not sure if any of those ideas seem interesting, but if not, I hope they’re able to help get some fun ideas flowing. Have a lovely weekend! 😊

Okay, so... A lot of these are stuff that I want to explore in longer stories eventually, both the Borrowers AND the HoHF prompts. But you DID give me an idea for some HoHF family fluff between Emma and Tim!

"Here's that big project I was telling you about!"

Emma had been back in Hatchetfield for what, six, seven months now? And she'd long since made a name for herself as Wild Flower. She was respected, loved even, by the town that had once cast her aside. And what's more, she'd managed to connect with her nephew, who seemed to think she was cool despite her absence for most of his life! If it wasn't for the fact that Tim didn't know she was Wild Flower yet, she would've chalked it up to that.

After all, Tim loved superheroes. Understandable, considering his mother was one of the most revered supers in the country before she died. Being raised by someone like that was bound to give someone a deep respect for the career. And right now, Tim was showing Emma his most recent token of appreciation. A social studies project he'd done for school about superheroes around the world.

It was a large cardboard diagram, with a map of the world taped to it. Coming from a line pointing to each continent (barring Antarctica, because duh), was a photograph of a super that was native to said continent, accompanied by a short paragraph with information about them.

"Wooooow, you really know your supers, bud!" Emma mused as she scanned over the diagram, impressed.

Tim looked up at her with a bashful smile. "Thanks," he said, blushing. "Wanna hear more about each one?"

"Educate me!"

"Okay, so," Tim began excitedly, pointing to the super whose picture corresponded to Australia. A woman with long, blonde hair and a bright blue superhero getup. "That right there is Tidal Crash, she's an Australian super with the power to control water."

"Can she talk to sea creatures?" Emma asked, encouraging her nephew to continue.

"Yeah, telepathically," Tim replied. "She's like the cool version of Aquaman."

Emma snickered at Tim's snark. God, he was such a Perkins. He continued on, pointing to the picture next to Africa. A dark-skinned man with long dreadlocks and an award-winning smile, half his face covered by a deep purple mask.

"That's Radi ya Umeme," Tim continued to explain. "He's from Kenya, and his name is Swahili for 'Lightning Strike'. He can control the weather, but he's really good with lightning, hence the name. He's kinda like Madbolt in a way, only y'know, not evil."

Emma chuckled, remembering her most recent encounter with that old nutjob. Madbolt was a fascinating case, he'd been causing trouble for Hatchetfield since around the time Emma was born. Not even Jane had managed to land him behind bars. Tim continued, his finger landing on the South American picture. A man with dark, curly hair and deep brown eyes, clad in a black leather costume.

"That guy is Espalda con Púas, his name is Spanish for 'Spiked Back'," Tim said, talking as though he was still presenting the project to his teacher and classmates. "He's from Chile, and as his name would imply, he can grow spikes out of his back and sharpen his teeth and nails into fangs and claws!"

Emma nodded, urging him to continue. With an excited smile, Tim moved on to Asia, where a picture of a short-haired woman with a shining mask lay.

"That's Dá Quy, she's from South Vietnam," he continued. "Her name means 'Gemstone', and she can control different ores and minerals and stuff."

Tim moved on to Europe, where a picture of a woman with short brown hair and an elegant, but still practical costume lay.

"That's Lady Nighthawk, she's from England," he explained as Emma continued to listen intently. "She can talk to animals and harness their abilities to fight. She visits Hatchetfield once a year, too!"

"Right! I think I remember your mother telling me about meeting a 'Lady Nighthawk' before!" Emma exclaimed in recollection.

"Yeah, mom worked with a lot of supers," Tim mused fondly before moving on to the final picture, the one corresponding to North America. A grizzled man with long dirty-blonde hair and a decked-out suit. "And finally, there's Eagle Eye! He's an ex-military general who can shapeshift into a bald eagle! And he's got this awesome combat suit that he uses in human form! He's from Washington D.C., but just like Lady Nighthawk, he visits Hatchetfield sometimes!"

Emma smiled at the sight of the super who'd been acting as a mentor to her for the past week. During a rescue mission she'd nearly bungled, Eagle Eye- or John MacNamara as she'd learned his real name was, swooped in to lend a hand. He'd taken a shine to her, and offered to help coach her in the ways of being a superhero. Emma had been learning lots of valuable information off of John. But of course, there was no way Emma could tell Tim about-

"Speaking of, did you hear that he's been working with Wild Flower lately?"

Okay, nevermind! Emma froze, surprised by her nephew's casual mention of her alias. Was this a good time to tell him? Better test the waters to be sure...

"Oh yeah, Wild Flower!" she exclaimed, trying to play it cool. "I've, uh... been hearing lots about her lately!"

"Yeah, it's so weird!" Tim chuckled. "It's like she just came out of nowhere!"

Emma nervously drummed her fingers on the headboard of Tim's bed, where they'd been sitting for the past couple of minutes. Did he mean that in a good way or a bad way?

"She's awesome, though!" Tim continued, an excited sparkle in his eyes. Emma's heart began to race. "Her powers are so cool! I mean, she can summon that big flytrap thing! What was it's name again?"

"Slack-Jaw?" Emma replied, a barely-contained smile on her face.

"Right, Slack-Jaw!" Tim recalled. "And did you see her new costume? The green jacket with the cool logo on it?"

"Mhm!" Emma hummed in response, happily recalling the day she was presented that jacket at Town Hall. The mayor had recognized her feats of heroism, and had the jacket tailor-made for her to replace that ratty old, ill-fitting red leather jacket she'd bought from a Goodwill in a scrambled effort to make a good costume. It still needed some tweaks now, but the new jacket was an excellent start.

"And now that she's getting lessons from Eagle Eye, she's only gonna get better!" Tim gushed. "She's just so- Aunt Emma? What're you smiling so hard for?"

God, Emma couldn't keep this secret any longer. She had to tell him.

"I have a question for you, bud," she began, resisting the urge to just tell him outright. "Did your mom ever say anything about both her and me having the Nitro Gene?"

Tim's eyebrows shot up. "Oh yeah!" he exclaimed. "But she said that you didn't like talking about your powers, so she never told me what they were. I figured you still wouldn't wanna talk about them, so I never asked."

Emma's heart fluttered. What had she done to deserve such a considerate nephew? "You wanna take a guess?"

"O-okay, but why n-" Tim cut himself off, the gears clearly turning in his head. After a few moments, he turned to Emma with a look of awed realization on his face. "W-wait, Aunt Emma... Are you saying that you're...?"

"Wild Flower?" Emma finished, eyeing him cheekily. "You bet!"

A smile slowly blossomed onto Tim's face. "No way!" he exclaimed. "B-but mom always said you didn't wanna be a superhero!"

"Well, people change their minds sometimes!" Emma retorted. "And I decided to finally put my powers to good use once I came back home."

"Wow..." Tim gaped breathlessly.

"But I'm still your Aunt Emma, first and foremost!" Emma quickly clarified. "I'm still the same person, just y'know... with plant powers."

"O-of course!" Tim stammered, his mind looking certifiably blown. His face grew serious. "And don't worry, I won't tell anybody about your secret identity!"

Emma snickered, tousling her nephew's hair. "I appreciate it, bud," she said, pulling him into a hug. "...Want me to introduce you to Slack-Jaw?"

"...Maybe."

[myownworldstayout]

New Friends Ch. 14

Ch.1 / Ch.13 / Ch.15

(so this chapter is where I got “Prompt #17 Akuma!felix” from, but it’ll be a little different. Also, this is the last pre-written Chapter so there won’t be anymore daily updates. I’m gonna change to updating weekly for sake of sanity lol)

Lila was ticked. All of her attempts to take down the new dynamic duo in school had been futile. She had been so close, too! The class had turned on Marinette, including Adrien. True, the class never directly turned on her, but they all believed Lila over Marinette. That was the same thing in her book, and apparently, it was the same in Marinette’s book as well. 

Lila remembered feeling such triumph when the ravenette ran out of the room in tears, especially when the class only shook their heads and turned back to comfort her. But that all changed when Felix joined their school.

Lila scowled at the thought.

Felix. 

Ever since his arrival, not only has he refused to take her side, but has also challenged nearly all of her stories shamelessly. He didn’t care about the opinions of those around him, meaning he couldn’t be swayed by the backlash of going against her. That was a problem.

It didn’t help that he stood resolutely by Marinette’s side. The class’ opinion of Marinette sunk lower after that, which was a good thing, except now Marinette didn’t seem to care. Lila assumed it was because she finally had a real ally. 

Lila wasn’t blind. She knew that Adrien had figured out she was lying. He just wasn’t saying anything. Whether he didn’t want to cause more trouble or was just a coward, Lila didn’t care. It only made her cons easier to come by. 

“Morning, girl!” Alya greeted warmly, bumping her shoulder into Lila’s.

Lila forced a sweet smile. “Hi! How was your weekend?” 

“Annoying.” Alya rolled her eyes, her expression quickly turning sour. “I tried to get another interview with Ladybug yesterday, and guess who comes out of the blue and stops me? Felix!” The journalist huffed and crossed her arms. “Why was he even there?”

Lila knew she should be pleased. She hardly needed to do anything to turn the class on Felix. He was cold and blunt, easy to dislike. But how can you feel like you’ve won when the losers aren’t affected?

The answer is you can’t.

“Maybe he wanted to get his own interview?” Lila suggested.

Anger flashed across Alya’s face at the thought, and she smiled. The poor girl was way too predictable.

After a moment, though, Alya furrowed her eyebrows. “That can’t be why, because he didn’t talk to her. He just said her miraculous was gonna time out and she needed to get going.” 

Lila hummed, cocking an eyebrow. That was weird. Even though Ladybug was a superhero, Felix didn’t usually get involved in other people’s business. 

“Maybe he just didn’t want you to get an interview.” Lila then said, hiding a sly smile. 

Alya bristled and clenched her fists, drinking up Lila’s absurd idea. 

“Tch. of course he wouldn’t.” She glared at the floor. 

Conveniently, Felix walked past them just then, not even glancing their way. 

“Oh, there he is now. Why don’t I try to go talk to him?” Lila offered innocently, pushing back her growing irritation with the stubborn boy.

Alya scoffed, crossing her arms. “Don’t even bother. He’s not worth it.” 

“Are you sure? I don’t want there to be any misunderstandings in class.” She batted her eyelashes, giving Felix a sympathetic gaze.

Alya frowned, shaking her head.

 “Alright, you can give it a shot if you think it will help, But I’m going to class.” the redhead sighed, walking off in the other direction. Perfect.

After checking for any “witnesses”, Lila slinked over towards Felix.

“Where’s Marinette? You’ve been her shadow for the past few weeks.” Lila taunted, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

Felix didn’t acknowledge her, silently making his way to the library.

Lila glared at the stiff boy, thinking of what to say next.

“I heard you had a run in with Ladybug yesterday.”

Felix paused, brief but still. Lila smirked, pressing on the nerve.

“It makes me wonder what you were doing there, why you were so set on Alya not getting an interview. You didn’t even talk to Ladybug herself so I have to imagine there was some other reason for rejecting Alya’s advances.” Lila pulled a sly smile when Felix glanced in her direction. He was getting nervous. What secret was he hiding with Alya and Ladybug, she wondered.

“I bet you don’t want to see her succeed because she’s Marinette’s best friend, and you’re not, hm? Is the Ice King  jealous?”

Nothing. Felix became impassive again. If Lila didn’t know any better, she might even say he looked relieved. 

The girl clicked her tongue, trying to figure out which part she needed to backtrack onto. Unfortunately for her, the school bell rang just then, forcing her to go back to class.

Fine. She thought curtly. Guess I’ll have to settle for plan B.

~~~~~~~

Marinette practically skipped to class the next morning. It felt as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She didn’t have to hide being Ladybug anymore! 

Well, she didn’t have to hide being Ladybug from Felix anymore. Marinette would take what she could get, though.

“Glad to see you so happy, Mari.” Luka commented with a warm smile.

“Glad to be happy, Luka.” Marinette grinned in turn.

“May I ask what’s made you so cheerful this morning?” 

Marinette hummed. “Let’s just say, Lady Luck’s finally coming to pay me an overdue visit.”

Luka laughed at the metaphor, seeming satisfied with that answer.

“Think that luck is gonna leak into school?” He said lightheartedly.

“I’m hoping!” Marinette giggled.

She probably should have known better than to hope for the impossible.

 -

When Marinette entered the classroom, the screaming was already ringing through the halls outside. The entire class, aside from Felix, was huddled around a crying Lila, some attempting to comfort her while others glared and chewed out Felix. Felix himself was silently sitting in the back with book in hand, effectively ignoring the group as a whole. He only looked up when Lila called out her name.

“Marinette!” The girl blubbered. “Your friend, he- I was trying to ask him how you'd been doing since - since you've been so distant lately, but he..he..he said he didn’t want vermin like me near you! Or, or anyone for that matter! He said you were his- that he- that you only needed him.” A few more tears slipped down her cheeks, and Marinette vaguely spotted the eye drops Lila shoved into her purse.

“I tried to reason with him, but then he-” Lila choked back a sob. “He slapped me, Marinette!”

The class crowded closer, trying to provide the girl with comforting hugs and sweet words. Lila thanked them with a watery smile, hand pressed to her right cheek where Felix had supposedly slapped her.

“What did I tell you, Mari.” Alya growled, sending death glares to the indifferent blonde as she softly rubbed Lila’s back in support. “He’s nothing but trouble! A cold, heartless, obsessed monster!”

Marinette glanced up at Felix,wanting to know his opinion on this. Lila lies like she breaths, but she also over dramatizes the truth. Therefore, it wasn’t completely out of the question that Felix would call her vermin- or even slap her for that matter.

The blonde, however, simply looked her in the eyes for a moment, then shook his head. That was all Marinette needed to see. She smoothly slipped around her other classmates, heading for the stairs without a word.

“Marinette?” Nino frowned.

“What are you doing?” Alya shouted, even though Marinette was right next to her.

The ravenette coolly turned to face them, Her gaze flicking to Lila and briefly catching the triumphant, yet subtle smirk on the liar’s lips. 

“I’m going to sit with Felix. Class is about to start.” 

The class let out a few incredulous gasps and a few said “are you serious?”. Alya and Nino just stared, not really believing what they were hearing. Adrien cringed behind them all, a silent begging in his eyes for her to stop when she had the chance.

Marinette ignored him.

“How can you say that! Didn’t you hear what Lila just said?!” Alya was furious now, pulling away from Lila to clench her fists at her side.

Marinette raised an eyebrow, before turning her head slightly in Felix’s direction. 

“Felix, what happened?” Her tone was composed, almost distant, and eerily similar to Ladybug’s during an attack.

He hesitated at the sudden command, but quickly explained the situation. “Lila stopped me on the way to the library, asking about why I stopped Alya’s interview yesterday. She said I was jealous of Alya. I just ignored her until the bell rang and she left.” 

The class seemed to falter- just for a moment- looking back to Lila. Felix was brutal and harsh and cold, but he hadn’t told a single lie since he transferred there. He was a hard facts, no-nonsense person. Lying wouldn’t make any sense for Felix.

“So- what - you’re going to believe a stranger over your friends!” Alya fumed, discarding his words without a second thought. 

“Isn’t that what you did?” Marinette grumbled under her breath. Unfortunately, Alya heard her anyway.

She let out a laugh of disbelief. “Oh my gosh we are not having this conversation again.” 

“Guys, why don’t we just-” Adrien tried to defuse the situation, but it was as if Alya didn’t even hear him.

“You know what your problem is Marinette? You are so set that Lila is a terrible liar that you refuse to see the torture you’ve put her through these last two months. I’ve tried to help you, we all have, but you’re so dang stubborn and stuck up! You say Chloe is ridiculous?” 

Alya ignored the protest on Chloe’s part. 

“Well, guess what? You’re even worse than she is! You’re so selfish and self centered and if I weren’t so angry, I’d be heartbroken that you turned out to be such a cruel, pathetic bully.” She snarled, shaking with anger at this point. 

Marinette opened her mouth to snap back, but found she had nothing to say. What was the point of arguing about this? Alya obviously wasn’t listening to reason. And she had the gall to say that she was the one set in her opinions? As if. 

Marinette wasn’t angry- for which she was glad. The last thing they needed was another screaming match. -but she was extremely disappointed. In Alya. In everyone. Especially in Adrien, who claimed to be by her side despite that clearly not being the case. 

So, the ravenette simply sighed and shook her head, before walking up the steps and sitting in the back with Felix. He was the only person in her class that she could depend on at this point.

The class fell silent at the action, probably because they half-expected her to retaliate at this point. She always did. Even Alya’s anger had somewhat faded from the shock. 

Marinette didn’t pay them any attention, though, taking out her tablet and pulling up this morning’s due homework. 

“Alright, everyone, in your seats please!” Ms. Bustier suddenly ordered, causing the class to scatter to their assigned seats. Alya was the last to sit down, still staring at Marinette with a mix of confusion and frustration.

“Are you alright?” Felix whispered after a moment, leaning in so she could hear him but giving her enough space to feel comfortable. 

Marinette sighed. “I’m starting to be.” 

~~~~~~

Alya shifted in her seat to fix a glare on the infamous “Marinette group”. Luka and the others appeared to be comforting Marinette at the cafeteria table. Felix sat next to the ravenette, glowering right back at Alya.

“She’s such manipulator!” Alya huffed, wringing her hands through her hair in frustration. “Look at them! Giving her all of that undeserved sympathy while Lila’s the one that’s been suffering!” she added, gesturing to the brunette who was cheerfully chatting with Mylene and Rose. 

Adrien glanced towards Lila, not mentioning how happy she seemed despite “suffering” all this time. 

“I’ve known her since kindergarten.. How did I not see it?” Nino shook his head.

“M-maybe,” Adrien began cautiously, “Maybe this is all a big misunderstanding? You guys know Mari-”

“We thought we knew Mari.” Alya cut him off, turning her glare to him. 

“You saw what happened today, She’s a menace! Just like your cousin.” She added curtly, looking back to the group. 

Felix wasn’t glaring at her anymore, instead looking at Marinette with concern. She had her face buried in her hands with Luka and Aurore putting supportive hands on her shoulders. 

To be honest, it was odd seeing Felix show emotion for anything, let alone a person. It caused Alya to pause. To really, really study the blonde. 

Of course, she didn’t get to entertain the thought too much because a flick of purple caught her eye. Alya gasped.

It was an akuma, but it wasn’t heading for her, despite her anger. The akuma was flying towards-

“Marinette!” Wayhem gasped, standing up and pointing to the black butterfly. Students around their table began screaming and running for exits, Luka and the others tensed and took a step back, and Marinette..

Marinette just froze. She stared at the akuma in horror, yet acceptance, as if she had been expecting this for a while now.

Just before the akuma could touch Marinette’s earrings, however, Felix stepped protectively in front of her, holding up his book as a shield. To everyone’s mutual terror, the akuma merged with Felix’s book instead, creating a purple, butterfly shaped mask in front of his face. 

Alya didn’t know what happened next, all she remembered was seeing Marinette’s eyes widen and being yanked towards the exit by Nino.

~~~~~~~

Marinette tried not to think about Alya’s acidic outburst or Lila’s malicious smirk, but that was all Felix talked about during their lunch period. He was angry- understandeably so - and when the others heard what happened, they were infuriated as well. She held back the tears as they tried to comfort her. Marinette shouldn’t have needed comfort. None of this should have happened in the first place. Adrien should have stuck up for her. The class shouldn’t have believed Lila over her. After everything she’d done. After everything she’d sacrificed, they-

“Akuma!”

Marinette’s gaze snapped upwards. Sure enough, a black butterfly was heading straight for her. 

She needed to run. Ladybug wasn’t allowed to get akumatized.

Nevertheless, Marinette stayed put, watching the akuma grow closer. Maybe this was how it was supposed to be? She had already been nearly akumatized three different times now. Perhaps Marinette was meant to get akumatized. Maybe she could finally let out some of her anger and frustrations without being judged or at fault. Chat Noir would turn her back to normal, right? Felix knew she was Ladybug so he would be able to help out as well.

Yes, Maybe this was a good thing.

That thought was shattered in an instant, though, when Felix threw himself in front of her. He was protecting her. Again. Only this time as Marinette instead of Ladybug. 

Reality slapped Marinette in the face as Felix became shadowed in a purple glow, and her Ladybug instincts finally kicked in.

She shot to her feet, eyeing the boy warily. “Felix?”

At the name, Felix- or an akumatized version of Felix -looked up. He wore a blood red suit with his black, button up shirt and tie. His blonde- now turned pitch black -hair was slicked to the side, and his silver eyes had turned a dark, inky grey with flecks of bright red. 

“Marinette..” Felix breathed, immediately stepping towards her. 

Marinette took a slight step back, hesitating when Felix lightly cupped her cheeks. 

“Don’t worry. Everything’s gonna be fine now. You won’t have to deal with those idiotic classmates of yours anymore.” His voice was so soft and sweet that Marinette wasn’t entirely sure she was talking to the same, stiff classmate she knew.

“But Felix, I don’t-”

“My name isn’t Felix.” He cut her off sharply, though the gentleness never left his eyes. “It’s Karma, now. I’ll be back. Stay here.”

Before Marinette could say anything else, he was off, running in the direction of her other classmates. She stood there dumbly, bringing her hands up to touch her earrings. Felix never tried to take them. Did that mean he was still somewhat conscious in all of this?

“Marinette, let’s go!” Tikki whispered from Marinette’s purse.

Marinette startled, absently nodding her head and starting for the bathroom.

~~~~~~~

Chat Noir leaped towards the school as fast as he could from the place he transformed.

Why couldn’t Marinette just let Lila be? He warned her that someone would get hurt if she kept prying. This is exactly the reason they needed to let Lila go in the first place!

The cat heroine sighed as he landed in front of the back entrance to the school. Now he was going to have to fight Marinette when she could have avoided being akumatized at all. 

The walls around the door fell to decay and crumbled within seconds, causing Chat Noir to pause and hold his breath. Anticipation clouded the air as footsteps approached him in the wreckage. He tensed, slipping into a fighting stance as he unhooked his staff. 

“Marinette, please, I don’t want to fight you.” He pleaded.

“Well, that’s rather fitting then, isn’t it?” a cold voice responded as a man in a blood red suit stepped out of the smoke. “Because I’m not Marinette.” 

Chat Noir blinked, his stance slacking a bit. “Then who-” 

He was cut off by a sudden paralyzation that swept over his body, causing his limbs to feel rigid and stiff. 

“Chat Noir,” The akuma began, taking out a black book from his suit coat and opening it, “You constantly push your feelings onto Ladybug despite her protests and leave her to fight for herself. As punishment, you will no longer have any feelings to push onto her.” he informed with an icy glare, slamming the book shut. 

As soon as the akuma did so, a sharp coldness flooded into Chat Noir’s chest. Emptiness, numbness. He thought he would be angry towards the accusation, or scared of what the akuma meant, or even worried for Marinette, but he wasn’t.

He didn’t feel anything. He couldn’t feel anything. The thought would have terrified him had it not been for the circumstances. 

“Felix, you have to stop this!” 

Chat Noir barely registered the red blur landing in front of him. 

Felix? He was the one that was akumatized? What about Marinette?

“I’ve already told you, it’s Karma now.” The akuma said coolly, though certainly not as cold as when he spoke to Chat noir.

Why was that?

“Marinette wouldn’t want this!” Ladybug tried to reason

“No,” Karma agreed, “She wouldn’t. Marinette’s too nice to condemn those who’ve hurt her. She’s too kind to be this cruel. So I will be selfish for her.”

Ladybug looked pained towards the answer, and even Karma seemed a bit upset that they were fighting. Why were the two reluctant? Why hadn’t Karma attacked her with her own karma yet?

Chat had a hunch he would be angry if he could feel anything.

“My Lady, we need to cleanse the akuma.” He stated dryly, taking out his staff and lunging for Karma.

The akuma’s eyes never left Ladybug’s as he disappeared into thin air. 

Chat Noir stumbled, whipping around to try and find where Felix went, but Ladybug was already flinging out of her yoyo.

“What are you doing!” Chat demanded, frowning towards his partner.

Ladybug flinched, looking back at him with worry and exasperation in her gaze. “We have to find him before he hurts anyone!”

Chat Noir faltered at the urgency in her tone. Despite the hollowness aching in his bones, he knew he should be worried as well. So he listened to her as he always did and followed his lady.

~~~~~~~

Kagami wasn’t one to run away from fights. She didn’t mind getting her hands dirty as long as her mother gave her permission. When she saw that butterfly coming for Marinette, though, she genuinely felt fear.

Marinette was kind, gentle, too good for this world. If she was getting akumatized? who knew what kind of nightmare she’d become. 

Of course, Luka and the others didn’t want to leave Mari, either, but they were forced out of the school by the panicked crowds and worried teachers. Soon, they were all running from the building along with Marinette’s classmates, including Lila. 

Kagami knew full well this was Lila’s doing, and she wanted nothing more than to slice her to pieces with her sword. Unfortunately, now was the time for running, not revenge.

Or so she thought.

The group came to a screeching halt when a man in a suit appeared in front of them, black book in hand.

“Who are you?” Alya blurted out.

“Felix..” Kagami whispered, turning to look at Luka.

The blue-haired boy was equally as terrified. Of course Felix would get akumatized. He was infuriated at the class, a strong negative emotion. He was also extremely protective towards Marinette, and he would never have left her alone during the chaos.

But that begged the question, where was Mari?

“Alya Cessaire,” the akuma began, ignoring her question and opening his book, “you turned your back on your friend in need and instead believed a liar’s words over her own.”

She’s not a liar! Marinette’s the one who’s lying! That’s what Kagami expected Alya to shout, but the journalist, for once, said nothing. 

Then Kagami noticed how stiff the red head was. Not moving, not talking, almost like she was.. Paralyzed.

“Since you refused to see the truth, I, Karma, give you the punishment to not be able to see anything at all.” 

The akuma slammed the book shut, and Alya screamed. 

Nino asked her what was wrong, grabbing her flailing arms. Alya looked up, revealing her brown eyes to be clouded over.

She was blind. Felix- no, the akuma- blinded her. 

“Dude, what did you do!” Nino shouted in a fury. He had a right to be upset, Kagami reasoned. It was his girlfriend after all.

Karma calmly turned to Nino, and opened his book, causing the DJ to freeze. “Nino Lahiffe, you were told the truth and didn’t listen. Therefore, your punishment is you will not be able to hear anything.” 

The akuma slammed the book shut again, and Nino looked around.

“Alya?” he asked, slightly too loud. Then he said it again, this time louder. 

Then again. And again, each time increasing his volume.

Deaf.

Kagami stared curiously at the book, starting to understand. It was obviously the akumatized object. Anytime Karma opened it, it paralyzed the victim, most likely portrayed their actions, and, when closed, delivered their punishments.

“Please, there’s no need for this! Can’t we all just be happy?” Lila cried, burying her face in her hands. 

Karma snapped his gaze to the girl, rage exploding across his features. Kagami took an unconscious step back, not expecting him to get so upset. He’d been cool and composed until now.

The akuma flipped open the book with a new found determination, glaring daggers at Lila.

“Lila Rossi,” Acid dripped from his tone, “you’ve spread lies and deceit and filth throughout the world without remorse. As punishment, you will not be able to speak.” 

Karma slammed the book, releasing Lila from paralysis. 

The brunette immediately straightened and let out a whimper, clamping her hands over her mouth. She then doubled over, as if about to throw up, and spit something out. 

Kagami squinted, leaning closer to get a better look. When she realized what it was, her blood ran cold.

It was Lila’s tongue.

~~~~~~~

Marinette tried to level her breathing as she ran towards the direction her classmates had gone during the akumatization. She’d convinced Chat that it was smarter to split up, to search for Fe- Karma -since they weren’t sure where he’d go.

She knew, though. She knew he’d attempt to get revenge on Lila and the others. She also knew if she was going to appeal to Felix in any way, she needed to do it as Marinette. Ladybug wouldn’t know what Marinette does, and Felix was thankfully keeping her identity a secret. That meant she had to talk to him in civilian form. It could be dangerous, but after his speech right before he ran off, she was confident he wouldn’t hurt her. 

Well, she was pretty sure.

Marinette felt the confidence slip when she saw him facing down the class, specifically Lila. 

She felt a full on chill run down her spine when the brunette spit out her tongue onto the ground. Marinette knew akumas could be a bit aggressive, but this was plain morbid. 

“F-felix?” Marinette swallowed, trying to hide the fear in her voice. It wasn’t him- it wasn’t Felix. She knew that! 

But it was still a threat. If not Felix, then Karma. 

The akuma glanced up, instantly relaxing at her presence. 

Then he tensed back up. 

“I told you to stay out of this.” he said solemnly.

“And I told you I didn’t want any of this!” Marinette retorted, gesturing vaguely to the other classmates.

Karma sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m doing this for you, Mari.” 

“No.” She responded sternly. “If you were really doing this for me, you would do what I wished! You’re only doing what you wish!” her gaze then softened, as she took a step forward. 

“M-mari?” Alya gasped, feeling around the air to try to find her. 

Marinette’s stomach sank when she saw Alya’s blindness. How many others was Felix willing to hurt?

“Felix, you have to stop this, please.” She begged, taking another step. 

Remorse reflected in Karma’s eyes. “I can’t. Not until they all get what they deserve. Lila, Hawk Moth, everyone who’s treated you unfairly.”

Marinette shook her head. “They will, Felix. I promise they’ll get what they need, just-” she sucked in a breath as she held out her hand. “Just give me the book.”

She saw him hesitate, but he inevitably pulled it out of her reach. “I can’t. You’re always in trouble and hurting because of the jerks in this class. You always try to see the good in others, putting their feelings ahead of your own.” He paused, a thoughtful expression crossing his features. “And I love you for it..” 

The declaration was soft enough that Marinette thought she might have imagined it, but the blush of embarrassment on his face proved otherwise. 

Before Marinette could respond, the akuma abruptly straightened. “That’s why I’ll do it for you.” 

It took a moment for Marinette to realize he was referring to his earlier statement about punishing the class, and her eyes widened. 

“No!” She cried, lunging for the book. 

Karma raised it higher into the air, getting ready to teleport, when a staff knocked the book out of his hand. 

“Not so fast!” Chat Noir shouted, landing a few feet behind them. 

Marinette looked on in relief, but Felix scrambled for the black book that had flown across the street. 

He can’t teleport without the book. Marinette noted as she darted after him. That was good. He had a weakness. 

Chat Noir followed the two, using his staff to trip Karma and get closer to the book. Miraculously, Marinette got to the book first, quickly tearing it in half before anything else could interrupt her. 

Karma let out a gasp, his entire form being covered in a purple glow. Then Felix reappeared, a very dazed and confused look coming to his face. 

“Felix!” Marinette sighed in relief, running over to him.

Felix blinked, looking up at her. “Marinette? What- where am I? What happened?” He clutched his head with furrowed eyebrows, clearly trying to remember how he’d gotten so far away from the school.

“It’s okay, Fe. you were akumatized, so you probably don’t remember what happened.” Marinette said softly, kneeling in front of him.

“Akumatized?” Felix frowned. “Where’s the akuma? Shouldn’t you be.. You know.” He gestured vaguely to her figure, silently referring to her Ladybug alter ego.

Marinette pulled a nervous smile. “Ah, well, probably, but you need-”

“It doesn’t matter what I need.” Felix cut her off. “If the akuma is still out there, I can wait.”

Marinette pursed her lips, knowing she couldn’t argue with the statement. Nevertheless, she tried. “But-”

“Marinette.” Felix stressed. 

Marinette huffed, standing up. 

“I’m coming back to check on you.” 

“I’ll be at the school.” Felix replied, standing up as well and brushing himself off.

With a final, weary glance, Marinette ran off to transform and capture the akuma.

Tag list: @unabashedbookworm @bluerosette23 @minightrose@kuroko26@im-here-for-the-content @angstyrastuff @clumsy-owl-4178 @fanboy7794@choaticneturcl @bigcheeseyboi @burntnugget-tae @ayuchan07@honorisfortheweak @knightrose15 @mjisntme@rhub4rb @simplythebestbug@wilhelmares@zebrabaker@dargeon-lissa @kristycocopop @alumneia @kaydenth3gayden @thornangelic727 @flirtshobi @whatamessofwords @book-r-the-best @naomi-from-paleontology

[thathonleygirl]

The Beginning

November 2019 – June 2020 Background

I decided to start this documentation of my journey into motorcycling for many reasons, mainly because I want to work on my writing skills and sometimes it’s nice to take a break from the mindless scrolling. I also think I’ll enjoy going back and reading this when I’m less of a rookie I’ll be recreating the timeline from the MSF course to the present from memory. I decided to dive into motorcycling as a hobby for myself, and also as a hobby for me to share with my boyfriend of 2+ years, Chris. Ultimately I can confidently say he inspired me to ride on my own and has been so supportive every step of the way.

November 2019 – MSF Class & getting my motorcycle endorsement I remember this weekend like it was yesterday. It was a freezing weekend and I’m out in the parking lot of RCCC bundled up from head to toe. I was happy it was cold because I was super nervous and excited, and heat stresses me out. There’s about 15 of us in the class, and right off the bat everyone is super friendly because we’re all here for the same thing – there was defiantly a wide range of skill levels and reasons for taking the class – but we’re all there for the same class. The two teachers of the class were AWESOME, and I’ll remember them for the rest of my riding career. They took us through the basics – controls, friction zone, etc. and soon we were riding through the first set of drills. My bike was a Kawasaki Eliminator from the 1800’s and it kept shutting off due to the cold weather. It also was impossible to find neutral, even the instructors couldn’t find it – I was just relieved that it wasn’t operator error. At the end of the 1st riding day they both told me they were impressed and proud of how I did – which meant so much to me considering I had never touched a clutch before, lol. The second day was a little rough, but still a success, mainly because I began to overthink every little thing because I knew there was going to be a test at the end of the day. This is when I first learned the importance of your headspace when on the bike, and how too much anxiety can be catastrophic. That being said, I still passed the class and got my endorsement the next week I really wish I had gotten the contact info for the people in the class, but the excitement of passing the class got the best of me.

March 2020 – Meeting Jolene I’d be lying if I said the process of bringing Jolene home was smooth, and the truth is I have a newfound hatred for dealerships and salespeople, LOL. But it was all well worth it. I went to Team Charlotte Motorsports with the intention of buying a Honda Rebel 500 in all black, but was disappointed when they didn’t have the right colors, and the bike just didn’t feel right when I first sat on one. But oh boy, when I first sat on Jolene I knew she was the one and I knew I had to have her. I’ve always been super laid back but when my mind is set on something, I get DETERMINED. After leaving the dealership because the price was too high, I began to obsess. After a week of negotiating and an extra fiery in-person negotiation, I finally got the price I wanted and Chris rode her home the next day. The whole process was rewarding in the sense of getting what I want and not backing down!

March-April 2020 – Attitude Adjustment I was off to a ROCKY start, and a few times I lost a lot of hope and had a lot of “WTF did I get myself into?!” moments in my first few loops around our neighborhood. My bike felt 100x heavier and harder to maneuver than my Eliminator, and my nerves were getting the best of me. I was scared to even let out the clutch at first. But after a few times stalling, I was doing loops in first gear around the neighborhood. On the third round of neighborhood loops, I was having a moment overthinking a left turn from a stop sign, and dropped the bike after it stalled and jerked in the middle of the turn. It was a devastating moment because my immediate reaction was that I just ruined my brand new bike in less than 100 miles, and the salt in the wound was the fact that I couldn’t pick the bike up. Luckily, a good Samaritan neighbor was close by with help, and the bike was totally fine (just wasn’t in neutral so it wouldn’t start). Not even a scratch, I’m a lucky girl. I spent some time feeling sorry for myself and hopeless but that was getting me nowhere. In that moment, I realized one theme in all my “practice” – I was scared of my bike, and was not taking control over her like I should be. I began to try and change my mindset, and just love the fuck out of her like she was my best friend. It’s crazy how much your mental state affects performance, especially on a motorcycle. As my attitude shifted, so did my confidence and success. After endless neighborhood loops and sideways stares from the neighbors, I finally made it out on the road (just down the street to the nearest park, but out of the neighborhood nevertheless! That was a game changing feeling for me. That is what it’s all about.

April 2020 – Real Deal At this point, im still having pretty intense nerves before every ride, but I have made it out of Edison Square (finally). The first ride ALL THE WAY out of the neighborhood was me following Chris who was driving his truck, leading me on what would become my trusty loop. We wanted to take some pictures for Instagram, which I’ve been trying to grow since I got Jolene. The biker community on social media is AWESOME, it’s incredible how many other riders around the world I’ve gotten to share experiences with and learn from, most importantly being able to “meet” other girl riders. Anyways, during that first mini trip following chris I finally made it into 5th gear and got into some twistys, I was smiling so hard in my helmet the whole time. I feel so close to my bike now and with every ride I feel more in tune, and less intimidated by her. I almost feel like she’s a horse or something, lol. We stopped to take some pictures in front of some office building which was empty because Covid – I felt so uncomfortable taking pictures but Chris was such a good sport in trying to get the best angles LOL. The whole Instagram thing has defiantly taken me out of my comfort zone – but so has riding as a whole – and I never want to go back. After this trip, I started going out on the same trip as much as I could, but still was having intense pre-ride jitters – but with every ride, I felt less anxiety and I could actually enjoy and have fun while still learning and practicing the basics. The post-ride bliss, however, was always an amazing feeling and I noticed that on the days I did get out to ride, I felt more at ease and generally better for the rest of the day. Meanwhile, we are still waiting on chris’s bike to be done getting worked on.

May 2020 – First Group Ride We finally got chris’ bike back after SUCH a long time. It’s crazy how much I worry when he’s riding his bike with me driving the car; but I don’t worry at all about myself when I’m riding lol. Side note – I’m such a lucky girl to have chris and he amazes me on a daily basis. I love how he set up the group ride, knew the route we were going to ride and also planned out how we would meet up with our two friends along the way. Before this ride, I finally just felt excited for the ride, and less nerves in the pit of my stomach. I found myself agonizing over which placement in the lineup I wanted to ride in, weighing out the pros and cons of each – I had to keep reminding myself that I don’t know shit, there’s no point in worrying, and just to trust chris (that option hasn’t let me down yet!) Side rant – im realizing as I ride more and more miles that most of my fears have been irrational. It starts with me conjuring up a situation that I feel would be dicey on a motorcycle, then I obsess over all the possible negative outcomes in those situations, and then I obsess over when I will come across them in my journey. So far – I have not been right a single time. For example – left turn at a yellow blinking light – I wanted to actually reroute my ride to avoid this, but when I was forced to do it, I rode through it with NO issues. It’s crazy what a whirlwind our minds can conjure up with little to no reason or backup to support our fears. Long story short, I need to get over myself and go with the flow, and take each learning experience as just that. Again, chris’s patience is remarkable. Back to the group ride – it was awesome. I was again, smiling so hard in my helmet as chris and I chatted through the turns, as he’s telling me how proud he is of me and just having all the good feelings along the way. So glad we went with the Cardo systems, I can’t imagine the ride without them. We rode over 100 miles through the country around Midland and hit a bunch of turns. I got to practice things I don’t necessarily enjoy, like stoplights, a LOT which was great. I still need to work on speeding up my starts especially turning starts. Getting home from the ride was a great feeling, it’s such a high – the post ride bliss. We got to head to the beach right after for a long weekend, which was much needed. We came home from the beach and chris surprised me with a longboard, which I had been talking a lot about wanting lately. Words just aren’t enough to describe how grateful I am to call him mine.

May 26th 2020 – 2nd Group Ride It’s been raining for the past two weeks, pretty much ever since we picked Chris’s bike up from the shop. Side note – Chris and I are doing a watermelon cleanse from Tuesday through Friday, and we were at the end of day 1 at this point. I didn’t realize how much of a toll the fast had taken on me until I started riding, I was overthinking every move I made and just felt unstable overall. Everything just felt harder, and it was such a reminder of how much your mental state affects your riding. Overall the ride was great and I’m so glad we got out and rode though, the country roads were beautiful and the temperature was just perfect at around 70. I guess I need to focus on the positives here – that the ride was beautiful, we didn’t get caught in the rain and I got to experience new roads. And of course got some great pics. I’ve officially become that girl who takes pictures in the parking lot for Instagram, but I really don’t care because it’s been fun building my social media presence.

May 31st 2020 – 300 milestone Well, I finally did it – I hit 300 miles on the bike, the halfway mark to my first 600 mile service, lol. Last night’s ride was absolutely perfect, I couldn’t have asked for better weather (mid 70’s, not humid at all) and feeling the crisp air as I was passing my previous top speed at 60+ mph was an unmatchable feeling. Every time I have a ride like this, I always think to myself, “This is what it’s all about.” My headspace was at a great spot and I felt confident and smooth throughout the ride. My starts were quicker and more fluent, my turns were smooth and I had less anxiety and anxious thoughts about shifting gears and going through the motions of riding in general. It’s crazy what a few days of healthy food and relaxing will do to your mind – this ride compared to the last entry was like night and day. We took the bikes to Mac’s Speed Shop for dinner – I was excited to ride my own bike there. Once we pulled up and Chris quickly whipped around to back his bike into his spot, I was reminded of my severe performance anxiety yet again, lol. I really need to get over the thought of people watching me and get over myself, people are going to watch what’s right in front of them, and a girl on a bike is sort of a rare occurrence. I feel like when people watch me, specifically men, they are just waiting for me to mess up because how could a girl like me be on her own bike? In reality, I’m sure they are barely even thinking about me at all, LOL. That brings me to something I really need to work on in general. I get really anxious when people watch me and I really need to make a conscious effort to work on getting over that. People are not worried about me – I know this – but rational thoughts get tossed out the window when I’m placed in front of a crowd. This trait of mine exists in every avenue of life – whether it is work, play, whatever; and I need to take time to grow out of this. I think it will help me have less social anxiety and will probably help my confidence which will have residual effects like an improved posture and overall sense of stability. I just wonder if this is a habit that can just naturally be broken with practice/repetition or is this something that requires more attention and effort to fix. Wow – such a rabbit hole, lol, but I doubt anyone will even read this. Back to the ride – I have absolutely loved the feeling of making it home from a successful ride, or “post – ride bliss.” Chilling on the couch with my honey after a perfect ride (for both of us) is my ideal Sunday evening. Chris’s longboard finally came in so we were able to skate over and get ice cream before we called it a night. I just love our life together and think that we truly have the perfect relationship that is a mixture of best friends and lovers that just keeps getting stronger and better with time. I am so happy. With our economy tanking due to a virus in our country that’s being burnt down all around us, he is my peace. To work on –faster upshifting –downshift through EACH gear when approaching a stop (stop banging down all the gears without releasing the clutch in between) –get over performance anxiety –work on maneuvering the bike when off (in and out of parking spots, getting gas, backing out of garage, etc) –ride the bike into the garage myself! I’m so blessed to have Chris to help, teach and support me on this journey. He reminds me I don’t need to be able to do everything immediately but still pushes me to learn and become a better biker when he knows I’m capable of doing something.

June 11 – Making Progress Two big milestones this week. The first is installing my mini floorboards, the second being my skills improving on the bike. Last night Chris and I rode to Gamestop to pick up a Tony Hawk game, and I was nervous for the ride beforehand given the newness of my floorboards along with the general nerves I get before a ride. The ride ended up being AWESOME. I made sure to pay attention and downshift completely through each gear when coming to a stop, and I was able to do it successfully most of the time, lol. Also had way faster starts, and beat Chris out of the stop lights a few times. The feeling of just riding with no traffic or light in sight is unmatchable, especially in 5th gear when it feels like nothing can hold Jolene back. During these stretches of the ride, my thoughts are always revolving around THIS being what it’s all about, THIS is riding, and this is freedom. It’s an unmatchable feeling. I also felt good when we pulled into eastfield for dinner because I was able to smoothly maneuver around the parking lot that was semi-full without issue. Also I didn’t need help when leaving the parking spot outside of gamestop. taking rides after work used to be kind of a fear of mine, and I was usually reluctant to take them in fear that I would be too braindead after a full workday. The ride last night, however, proved this fear wrong. I think no matter the time of day, day of the week, temperature, WHATEVER it may be, it’s all about your headspace and that is the greatest determinant for the outcome of the ride. I’m glad that I’m starting to feel less and less anxiety prepping for and starting out on each ride, the stomach aches and general feelings of fear are melting away with every mile in the seat. Soon I’ll be scheduling my 600 mile service To work on be more gentle when downshifting, especially to first. Stop stomping on the poor shifter ride the bike into the garage myself keep improving engine breaking/downshifting completely through each gear to 2nd or 1st

June 13 – Passing 500 on my first real trip So many milestones (literally) passed this weekend! 1 – passed the 500 mile mark & 2 – first 100+ mile trip! Minus one close-call, the whole trip/day was amazing with my love. We first headed out to Asheboro Harley Davidson dealership, stopping at a couple gas stations along the way. I passed my previous top speed and managed to hit 65+ mph, and I don’t know if that was Jolene’s limit or if it was user-error. Aside from the wind feeling like it was going to blow me off of the bike, it felt exhilarating to ride fast on the open highway. After we left the second gas station, I was following Chris (a little too closely) and the left turn we were supposed to take snuck up on us so I locked up my brakes and skidded (loudly) down the street, fishtailing straight down the street, missing the turn. Mid-way through the skid, the only thought running through my head was “fuck, we’re going down.” Somehow either my reflexes or my guardian angel, or a combination of the two, were looking out for me and Jolene stayed upright. Somehow I knew to kind of let go of the breaks and handlebars and let the bike do its thing, and sure enough I was able to straighten out and stay upright. It was a sobering experience for sure, and it took a little while to gain my confidence back for the rest of the ride. Chris is a patient angel though. We made it to the Asheboro Harley dealership to pick up our poker chips and chill for a little bit, and we were surprised to see it was crowded. It’s such a nice dealership though, they had a food truck serving Greek food, free beer on tap and the MSF course happening in the parking lot that we could watch while eating our lunch. Chris and I talked about how we always feel like outcasts from the “Harley crowd” but the people we talked to were nice. It started getting late so we headed out to the next stop, the Moonset general store near Uwharrie and Badin Lake. The rest of the ride was uneventful, and Chris and quickly became exhausted lol. I kept wondering to myself if I would always feel this tired from riding. It’s just such a mental thing that takes your full attention and effort at all times, and being hyper-aware of your surroundings at all times. There’s also the physical side of riding that involves every extremity in unison just to work the bike controls. I think that’s what makes coming home from a trip feel so rewarding. Once we made it home, we got burgers at Eastfield and called it a night after we both fell asleep on the couch lol. We took a short ride to pinky’s after detailing the bikes on Sunday and that was also a great ride. Short and sweet.

June 23 – Ready for 1st Service The more experience and riding I’ve gotten, the less I feel the need to write and blog which is a good thing more time spent actually riding. Passed the 600 mile mark and trying to schedule my service appointment this week after I install my new Vance and Hines pipes on Wednesday, so pumped for the new sound and look. I’m feeling so much more comfortable now riding, still have a few things I want to work on but when I think about the first few times I took Jolene out and compare that to how I feel riding now, it’s almost like I’m a whole new person. The things that used to scare me to death are things I can do without thinking twice now. I’m learning that the faster I go, the more comfortable I feel, and that the fears I used to have are pretty irrational. Over the weekend Chris, his mom and I went on a ride through the country before it got too hot outside. It made me happy to see how happy Chris’s mom was after the ride. We talked about how great of a teacher he is and how supportive he is every step of the way. The next day, Chris, his brother and I went on a ride to Statesville Harley and got lunch at Grouchos (Chris chose for me because I always talk about how ive always wanted to eat there, hehe). It was a great ride, minus almost running over a snake haha. One other biker that was at Grouchos joined in with us for part of the ride home, then another biker on the road joined in too. It was cool to hold up the middle, lol. Chris said I did a good job. The sense of community in the biker world is something amazing and it makes me so excited for the future, and how many cool people I will meet along the way.

[tinysupervicki]

It’s hard to stay away, huh? I did turn off my notifications on twitter but I still peeked. Why are y’all so amazing to me? What did I do to deserve this love? This community?

Since y’all have been there for me ever since my mom passed three years ago, I’d do anything for y’all. I felt I did let y’all down because I’m a content creator and haven’t done anything in so long. It sucks because I’m yearning to do so but lack the time due to now being an adult, working a grueling adult job and living with family.

I believe I will be able to get a place of my own later in the year, I’m really hoping for that. As for my full time job, I’m actively looking for another one. The one I’m at, I feel I work so hard but I’m not appreciated enough. It’s a healthcare industry and I work hard to help people with their needs while management focuses on metrics and numbers. I wanna get out of there.

I haven’t had time to myself and just be selfish for once? So I’m glad I was able to take time off to have a pretty long weekend to enjoy Sizecon 2020 and spend time with friends.

Let’s get started on the recap, shall we? Bare with me, I talk a lot (and not well might I add).

Day 1: Thursday 2/13/20

I woke up at 4 am to catch my flight that leaves at 6:45 am. I thankfully had all my bags packed, I just needed to shower and be ready. My dad took me to the airport and wished me off. At this point, I had plenty of time, even seeing the long TSA line at the Houston airport. I had internally groaned a lot but managed through. After having some minutes to spare, I grabbed a quick bite to eat at one of the dining places, a lovely breakfast bowl that I can have (those of you who don’t know me, I have celiac disease and I have to eat gluten free). Jumped on my flight and comfortably slept in my seat on the plane. The plan was to have a connecting flight to Charlotte, NC and then to Newark, NJ.

Two hours later, I woke up to not at my destination but at Colombia, SC. Apparently, while I was asleep, they had to divert us to the next airport because the weather was really bad in NC. We had two options: stay on the plane and wait it out until we’re back in the air to NC, or get off the plane and figure out another alternative. I stayed, I had plenty of time until my connecting flight was scheduled (which I actually got alerts that it ending up delaying a lot) so I stayed in my seat and watched greys anatomy. About almost an hour passed and we’re finally back up in the air, with more space to breathe since there were people that did leave the plane. Landed safely in NC and I ventured off to find snacks and wait at my gate. It kept delaying but I finally was able to get on my flight to NJ, making my total time at the airport and in the air...all day, I can’t do math lol. I safely landed in NJ at 5:30 pm, I had been awake since 4 am. It was a day.

Yo, I’m gonna get him and his wife a gift, I swear to god, but DJ (aka Giantgripper) saved me by picking me up from the airport and letting me stay the night at his place. When he’s the host, he does one heck of a job as a host. Since I hadn’t eaten a proper meal since 5 in the morning or so, DJ took me to a Mediterranean little mom and pop restaurant that I fell in love with. Had a stuffed pepper and practically cleaned everything off my plate. After we ate, I accompanied DJ while he did some errands for extra things he needed for the con (which did include articles of clothing for the giant cafe lol). I was happy to help as much as I could. After that, we made it back to his place. Once his wife Adri (chibiana) came home from work, we watched a documentary while trying (and failing with me because I’m a turd) to make different mixed drinks to taste. I ended up going with hot chocolate, I’m a simpleton when it comes to alcohol. A little bit afterwards, I had to pass out, it was a long ass day.

Day 2: Friday 2/14/20

Valentine’s was just another day for me. Woke up, got dressed, and DJ surprised me with a fresh homemade breakfast. It was magnificent, I scrapped the plate then too. Plans for the day was to get allllllll the stuff we need and travel to the hotel, which apparently was an hour and a half away from DJ’s house I believe. Adri had to go do another thing for work and was gonna meet up later. DJ and I traveled to the hotel first. I passed out again in the car, I was so exhausted from before I guess it had hit me again.

We made it to the hotel and unpacked the car with my stuff, his and Adri’s bags, and things for the con. I got to say quick hellos to people I knew that were already there (gave a big ass hug to Miss Kaneda, she’s so precious and a big hug to IamFilledwithStatic). I was going to be sharing a room with shortmarcy, Morgana (Moe), and Guiri. So since I had arrived first, I will check in first; Morgana and Guiri were still flying from Spain and shortmarcy didn’t come until the next morning. Since it was under shortmarcy’s name and the deposit was paid under her, She had to call to have the hotel let me check in for her. In turn, I had to put my card on file. I thought I was being a responsible adult and I thought it was gonna charge like half of the charge or something but...they charged the full price of the hotel. Which was $503...which was basically everything in my bank account. I didn’t know that was gonna happen, I panicked and just sat on the couch outside of the con area while Robyn (goddess-rei) comforted me. I had to come to terms that shit happens and I had no money for the weekend. But I graciously had the best of friends this weekend, I’ll get to that in a sec.

After my bumming out, I changed to put on my blouse for the valentines banquet (one of my guaranteed dinners that night lol). I met up with Morgana and Guiri and also sillylilbug (she’s so adorably sweet). We had our own table along with my friend Joe (CaptainRandGTS, who is a phenomenal photographer btw). We ate some good food and they took account of my gluten free (however I think the chimichurri steak may have upset my stomach). I said goodnight and went to my room to basically turn the bathroom up XD I had changed into my pajamas to head downstairs to get water and pain medicine when I turned the corner and saw a group of people walking down the hall. Guys, I’m still getting used to this, but the group was like, “Is that Vicki?!” “That is her!” And I was like WHAT. It was my lovely friends sviolet, mansquishers, mister finch, Joseph moestar, and Strongshadow2018. I was so surprised and honored, I was gushing. I got to hang out with them in their hotel room for a bit, played cards against humanity (I WON!) and ate ridiculously delicious gluten free cookies misterfinch made.

Day 3: Saturday 2/15/20

Con day. This day was a bit of a blur honestly (my mind is not the same people) but I know I took this day to “try” and relax. I was still bummed about my money problem but I had enough to buy the breakfast buffet meal ticket. My idea was to chow down a lot of food (since it was a buffet) so I won’t ask for food but that did not happen because I have wonderful friends?? Towards noon, I went to ihop with my crew (we called each other the sizecon crew lol) with sviolet, mansquishers, mister finch, Joseph moestar, and strongshadow2018. We had a nice time and I was so grateful for the lunch! Once we headed back to the hotel, we split up to do more con shenanigans. I met so many people, it was amazing. People I already knew and new people as well. It was awesome to match names to faces, it was so cool. I’m telling you though, my mind is not the same so I can’t list out the whole list of everyone I’ve seen. Then I got to see my good friend Steve (Miles Striker). I’m so fucking proud of this dude. He showed me a film he wrote, recorded, and edited all by himself, it was mindblowing. We had to go back downstairs after that because I forgot I had a social to lead and he had panels to go to. I stopped by the giant cafe, that was fucking wild. I ran the Fluffy Feels Social and I did my best because I’ve never ran something like that. But I’m glad we all liked the same thing and we just kept talking! It was getting late to when the Playroom was gonna start, so I headed back upstairs. Chilled a bit more with my crew and then headed back downstairs. I don’t know what got over me, but I gathered enough courage and joined the nude swimming party. I cannot believe I did that, that was a big step for me. Kinda sucked getting out though because I didn’t have extra clothes and it was fucking cold.

Day 4: Sunday 2/16/20

Technically last day of the con but it was the busiest. I spent all morning practicing my skit for the Tiny Cafe. I was nervous and pacing around in my hotel room, making sure I get it right. Around 12:30, I headed down to meet up with the rest of the cafe to get ready when we start at 1 pm. I could not describe how nervous I was. I wanted to make sure I didn’t mess up and I know I was lip syncing (graciously provided by Anoka’s vocals) I was still nervous as fuck. This was a performance and I’m now more confident talking to others about my kink/aesthetics but performing? Oh lawd. We had a big crowd apparently, I was surprised. We had to get more chairs and apparently turn people away? THAT MADE MY NERVES SKYROCKET. The cafe starts with a wonderful performance by Adri (Chibiana) then followed by cute transitions from our servers mini-moo and shortmarcy. Then it’s time for our skit: Veronica (Jitensha), me, and Aim were shrunk and sung songs about our giants. I was first (omg) and mine was in the style of “Maria” from west side story (Veronica called it Shrunken side story). I was shaking like a leaf and tried my best to get through the whole song while doing silly quirks of mine. Once that was done, I rushed back from my spot XD it was Veronica’s turn to sing about a giant dick lol and Aim serenading a giant lady. After our skit, it was the grand finale of Morgana performing a dance in a giant hamster ball. It was incredible. Despite my anxiety, I’m glad I did this and we did so amazing (we made tips!!!!).

Right after that was done, I had to rush to lead a social of Giant men and Tiny women. It was a small turnout but we still got people and we talked a lot. When that was done, I rushed to be on my first panel of the day: Owning what you love. After that was the Macrophile panel and then after that was the Diversity panel. I was on all of them and they were back to back, I was a busy lady lol. After that panel, I was free! Since I made tips from the cafe and I was broke from the hotel, I got to buy a few things in the vendor hall. Was able to say hi to some people I knew like scridam, the reducer, miss kaneda, iamfilledwithstatic, robclassact, and aborigen. It was also mister finch’s birthday so since I was free for the night, I went with the crew to go celebrate at a restaurant. That was such a nice time, I swear everything I did this weekend I wanted to experience again. When we came back to the hotel after dinner (after a quick stop to the liquor store lol), I was able to make it in time for the closing ceremony. Hearing everyone’s words touched my heart and reminded me why I love this community. So I was able to give a speech to say that; this is my second home when I lost my only home when my mom passed. God, that room was filled with so much love. I went back upstairs and hung out more with the crew and watched Promare (pretty sick movie). I was gonna head to bed but I hung out more with Steve and we watched a movie before passing out.

Day 5: Monday 2/17/20

It was time to say all of my goodbyes to everyone that had to leave. I gave so many hugs and love, I just miss them all. Most of the crew had to head out, except for sviolet, she had her flight in the afternoon. So we went out to breakfast at a Mexican restaurant, reminiscing this whole weekend. We came back to the hotel to chill in my hotel room. Morgana and Guiri were leaving to the airport back to Spain and shortmarcy wanted to venture to NYC before she went home the next day. So sviolet and I chilled in my room before she had to head out.

Then for the rest of the evening, I had the room to myself. I watched law and order svu whole packing and double checked I had everything. I waited up for shortmarcy to come back (I was so worried) but she made it back after 10 pm safe and sound. At that point, I had to go to bed because my flight in the morning was at 5:45 am.

Day 6: Tuesday 2/18/20

I woke up at 3 am to get to the airport on time and my Lyft driver I got...I had a feeling he was having a bit of fun by himself before he picked me up. Because it stunk in the car of cum. Whatever, I held in my breath and made it to the airport safely. My flights were on time and I slept on each one. I did not want to go back home.

Back to reality and I hate the after con blues! Especially with how much this con and community means to me.

Hoping there’s a next year and I’m ready to help as usual.

Y’all have a goodnight ❤️

[such-fun]

Ace in AZ

First off, a big thank you to @swiftmysupergirl for hanging with me this weekend! Now on to the recap.

I've got to get one thing out of the way: having a Con in an arena is weird.

The layout is funky, you have to take stairs or elevators everywhere, and good luck if you get hungry or thirsty. The food vendors are on the third level and they are few and very spread out.

Also I was stuck on my flight home next to two girls (I’m talking 15 years old) arguing over who in the plane was 'daddy-worthy'

Anyway, to the details (that I remember):

Tom Hiddleston continues to be a joy, moreso on Saturday than Sunday. He was getting tired.

For her picture one girl asked Tom to pretend that he was whispering something in her ear. He said okay and then paused and asked "Is this that ASMR stuff?"

Tom said he may still play Hamlet again someday because he doesn't think he's too old.

Tom gave me a hug and a high five, which we mucked up, so we tried again. It was much better the second time around.

Tom couldn't reveal anything about Loki's TV show. Apparently there's some rumor that he will narrating and there will be a younger actor playing Loki. I'm not sure Marvel is dumb enough to do that.

One girl missed her Lit class to be there so she asked Tom to tell her about Hamlet. Which he did as 'Professor' Tom. 

Tom began to recite Hamlet's "To be or not to be" speech and stopped to say that the answer (to the question whether to be alive or not, if it matters or not) was always "to be, emphatically to be." No matter how difficult things are.

Tom believes Loki has been truly redeemed in Infinity War.

Tom interrupted Charlie's panel to announce that they're starring in Betrayal together.

Charlie is over the moon since he hasn't gotten to see Tom in years.

Charlie Cox is on a one man campaign to get Daredevil picked up again. He even had his two year old daughter sign the online petition.

Charlie is the sweetest, most adorable person. He was all handshakes and hugs and learning everyone's names. And he's a good hugger, he's just so happy to be there.-I tried to find a picture from Stardust for Charlie to sign but there were none. He said they always forget that one.

Michael Fassbender wore a winter jumper. In Arizona. What a foreigner 😂. I don't know how he didn't get heatstroke by the end of the day.

There had been talk of a solo Magneto movie but that was before First Class.

I told him how I loved him in Jane Eyre. He said he did that movie for his mom and sister. He had a hearty laugh when I told him that a woman literally swooned when I saw it in the theater. 

There was talk about the working out the actors have to do for X-Men. Ty wears a muscle suit and practices squinting.-Michael works out for Magneto by lifting spoons and various cutlery with his mind. Like you do.

Alexandra loves food and is afraid of heights. I identify with her sincerely.

There is a third Kingsman movie in the works but neither Taron Egerton or Colin Firth are in it.

Taron thought an audience member asked about his 'moist' films and he was very surprised lol. She said he voiced films.

Taron has seen Infinity War three times.-Taron is apparently amazed anyone has seen his old play. He does plan to go back to the stage.

David Tennant is a pleasure, but what else is new? 

He also appreciates the word “Dastardly”.

David makes his tea using the hot water tap. He puts the tea bag in before filling it with water, regardless of the splashback. Because he's a rebel.

He also went on a mini anti-Trump rant, which I thoroughly enjoyed. So did the audience which was mostly filled with people from out of state or youth. He did make a point to remind everyone that Arizona is a red state, so make better decisions AZ!

Krysten Ritter nearly broke David's nose with a fire extinguisher but being a consummate professional he is, he scuttled across the floor and popped up in frame for the rest of scene. 

The scene got cut because David was a bloody mess and Krysten was mortified.

Krysten had her hair up in a cute, messy bun, held up by a tiny clip. I was super jealous because my hair just falls out of buns and I end up looking like Doc Brown with a whale spout.

Adam Ellis has a reality show coming up.

Adam likes Valentina in RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars 4 but thinks Monet Exchange has what it takes. Clearly he's sleeping on Manila.

We sat in the second row at Tom's panel. We were part of the mad dash to take a picture for Instagram. And afterwards I managed to snag some Avengers socks that the Ace staff handed out. Because yay free stuff.

Lastly, I just missed running in to Charlie Cox at the airport. I heard two guys talking about how he just rushed past them. My timing remains terrible.

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that Todd MacFarlane came and gave a lovely speech about Stan Lee.

Stan appreciated his fans like no one else. And Todd wanted all of us to know how much Stan wanted to thank us for all the love and support.

He is truly missed. 

And now pictures!

[sparklegemstone]

San Diego Comic Con 2019 -- Sat. Marvel Studios Panel

Got back from a long weekend at SDCC Sunday night and wanted to post my reactions. This first post will be about the Saturday Marvel Studios panel since that is what has captured most people’s interest.  Fair warning, half of this is going to be my own personal waffling and stream-of-consciousness that you may not care a wink about.

I've been trying to get a SDCC badge for, what, 4-5 years now?  Year after year, the lottery did not look kindly on me. So towards the end of 2018 when I finally succeeded in getting a badge for 2019, not only was I excited to have gotten a badge at all, but I thought I was extra lucky and that, if I were to be able to attend any year, this would be the year to attend because 1) it would likely be the concluding Game of Thrones panel, which after almost a decade would be a monumental event and 2) under the impression that the Loki series was going to be some of the first content available for Disney+ released late 2019/early 2020, without really having any expectations I was daydreaming about how great it would be if Hiddleston were to be there promoting Loki+ as well.  Turns out both of these were true! 

So flash forward to the weekend of SDCC.  Since we'd learned that Loki+ was still on the far horizon I'd completely forgotten about any wistful idea of Hiddleston being at the con.  In the aftermath of Endgame, I was not feeling interested in the upcoming Marvel Studios content, but still my love for Phase 1 and 2 and completionist tendencies were compelling me to try and get into Hall H on Saturday for the Marvel Studios panel regardless.  If only 50-100 more Star Trek fans hadn't felt it worth sticking around for Marvel, I would have gotten in, it was very close, but I didn't quite make  it. But I did get to see the official recording of the full panel sans promotional videos Saturday night 3 hours after the live event as part of the "playback" programming at the con.   

So! Feige's introducing movies and bringing their casts onto the stage, but my brain's so comfortably seated in my prior belief not expecting Hiddleston to be here that the possibility didn't even dawn on me.  I was so dense you guys, it did not dawn on me until literally 5 seconds before Hiddleston came out on stage, even after Feige had started talking about Loki+, lol. But what a delightful surprise! 

People are talking about the bit of music that played while Tom walked onto stage. There's another piece of music, though. In the playback of the Hall H panel that I watched, there was some introductory video for the Loki+ bit of the panel for which the video itself was redacted but the sound for the video still played.  For that piece of music, whimsical is the wrong word, I don't want to bring people's minds to the cartoony/whimsical character of the first Loki+ logo we saw because the music wasn't of that nature, but it kind of felt quirky and unearthly, not heavy, grounded, and driving like a lot of the powerful MCU themes. I thought it had to be for Dr. Strange 2 until it became clear it was for Loki+. 

I was delighted that the audience started chanting "Loki! Loki!" in callback to his previous SDCC appearances.  That's a good group of fans there. 

Also, seeing these huge groups of casts and creative teams coming on stage for 10 minutes at a time to introduce each of their movies, and then seeing Hiddleston up there by himself to introduce his own show, given equal weight and importance among the other MCU announcements at the panel, it just uniquely dawned on me then how proud and happy I felt that Hiddleston now had a front and center role carrying his own show and was getting the recognition for it, no longer a supporting character in a larger ensemble film.  He was the only one that had the stage all to himself during the panel.  Coming close would be things like Falcon & The Winter Soldier, which featured Mackie and Stan, but it's unclear to me how much that show is going to be about their characters vs. just featuring their characters, being about their interaction and the situations that arise when you throw them together.  I have hope that Loki+ is going to be specifically about Loki as a character. 

I enjoy the fandom content featuring Strange, Wanda, and Loki together as the trifecta of powerful magic users, and so when they announced Wanda would be making an appearance in Dr. Strange 2 I was lightly miffed that Loki was left out. In practice, though, I'm not sure how challenging it would be / how likely it would be that the creative team would execute such a Loki appearance well so I'm not going to focus on it. 

And then Thor 4.  Despite having negative interest in anything Thor-related at this point and agreeing that Loki as a character is not well-served by the sensibilities of another Waititi film, the thing I was most interested in was seeing if Hiddleston was going to join them on stage for that one, and when he didn't, I will admit that I felt a juvenile, knee-jerk reaction of irrational and undeserved resentment on Hiddleston's behalf, as if he was being excluded and deemed not good enough to be in another Thor film after all that he's brought to the Thor franchise, but of course it made no sense to feel that way when my brain kicked in. I'm not going to touch any of the 'behind the scenes relationship' wank, but in the most general possible sense, different stories have different needs.  Either a character furthers a specific story or they don't, and for a piece of work where service to the story comes first, it should be as simple as that and needn't be about the character at all.  Plus in this case logistically I don't even know if Hiddleston would have the time to act in both Loki+ and Thor 4. 

With how Jane was carelessly brushed aside in Ragnarok, and not being aware of anyone in Marvel Studios having talked about Portman since TDW, I was very surprised about the announcement that Thor 4 was going to feature Jane again, and intrigued as well at her larger role, just not enough to actually see the film.  Maybe there's hope for Betsy yet (I don't actually believe that).  What's interesting is that the Marvel comics and Marvel Studios exhibit that was in Seattle earlier this year featured artwork of Jane-as-Thor (if I remember correctly, it was created specifically for the exhibit) next to Hemsworth's costume, and now looking back I wonder if that was deliberately added to the exhibit by someone that had knowledge of Thor 4 or whether it was just a coincidence. 

I cannot decide which has the sillier name: "Thor: Love and Thunder" or "Dr. Strange and the Multiverse of Madness".  Oh wait, yes I can. 😋 

[energeticathlete-blog]

{{  IRL Update  }}

{{  Gonna put this under a cut cuz it’ll be lengthy and have images but IF YOU’RE CURIOUS ABOUT WHERE I’VE BEEN here’s my irl upate y’all  }}

So, I’ve been pretty exhausted these last several months, to the point where I couldn’t get to my sweet ol’ blog here. I honestly could barely keep up with my normal day-to-day activities. So, what’s been going on? A lot, honestly. Let’s start from the beginning, which was about February. My oral health stuff was overwhelming. If you’re new or need a refresher (cuz it’s been a hot minute no lie), I had some major dental issues back in August/September last year. I had an infection that was clawing it’s way into my jaw, which can be incredibly dangerous. They did an emergency procedure to remove all the infected nerve and issue, which is great. But there was still a lot of work to go through to get my entire mouth up to snuff. I’m still not done with it all if you can believe that, and it’s almost been a year since this started. I haven’t gone in a few months though for irl reasons (which I’ll list shortly) and because I got switched to a new dentist that has a hard time making time for me. But at least I’m at a point where I can operate without pain, so there’s that. I had one of two surgeries back in April, which I am recovered from, so now I just gotta wait for the dental surgeon to get a hold of me so we can make a date for the second one. Alright, so dental stuff sucks and ate at a lot of my time from February until now. What else, you might ask? Cosplay. I decided to take on a huge project for Anime Central this year, which was Sylvanas Windrunner from Blizzard’s franchise of games, but particularly her World of Warcraft: Battle for Azeroth version. I hadn’t taken on such an ambitious project before, so I was really sweating to get it done before the con. There was a lot of new materials and methods I had to practice with when it came to this costume. Some of it worked well, some of it ended in blood and tears. But, despite it all, I got most of it done. Most, because I didn’t make her bow/quiver, but honestly, what mattered is that the outfit itself was presentable and good. It...had some complications as far as making it sit properly on my harness. But that’s what I get when I rig it all together in the hotel room on Friday/Saturday. This is the fruit of my labor from about March through May:

Hard to see but I had working LEDs and everything! I was so heccing proud of this honestly. There’s a ton I want to improve and upgrade on what I have, but honestly, I was just happen to get this out in time. Many sleepless nights were had, but it was worth it. Okay, so I was busy through May with this dental stuff AND the cosplay jazz. What about from end of May to now? I started focusing on my Patreon more--yeah, I have one of those! I use it for cosplay shoots, life updates, art stuff, etc. I had to sit down and do tutorials, make sure I record my methods for art and cosplay, and fulfill jazz on there. Here’s a little tidbit of what I’ve worked on (that I can share lol):

So, what else? Well, wonderful question. I hacked my hair off at some point because I got liquid rubber in it from creating Sylvanas (Plastidip can eat my whole ass) which was pretty weird for me cuz I’ve had long hair since middle school.

It feels...weird, but I also kinda like it. I hated short hair in middles school and vowed not to chop it off since then, but getting liquid rubber in your hair has a way of changing your perspective. I’m also a different person and have evolved from the ugly duckling I once was, so it feels a bit better having shorter hair now that I’m an adult. I had some irl family issues that I had to mitigate (I tend to be the level headed anchor in my family, so people come to me when disputes happen). That, and my birthday was actually in June! Long story short, my birthday is smack dab between two of my friends, so I had my get together the second to last weekend of June so the other girl could have the June 30th weekend (my actual birthday) for herself. Sadly, my get together started with a trampoline park...where I rolled my ankle. Badly. The ER tech who x-rayed my foot said I'd be lucky if my ankle wasn’t fractured. Well, luck was on my side and the doctor on staff confirmed it wasn’t fractured. However, I severely tore my ligament. I have to see an orthopedic doctor about it to determine the full damage, but she made it sound like physical therapy should be discussed. That was two weeks ago now and it’s still swollen and injured. I can walk on it finally but I can’t put more than my own weight on it without pain. I also can’t fully twist or extend my foot without strain either, so while I can safely walk on it, I’m playing it safe by not driving (I don’t trust myself to slam on the breaks in the event of an emergency) or wearing heels. It’s still super bruised and eggplant-y but it’s gotten better. I won’t show pics of it because feet are gross and my right foot is particularly nasty with bruising and swelling. And now we’ve come to present time! I’m just about to leave for a convention for the long weekend and won’t be back until Monday, but I’m putting my best foot forward fucking irony by returning to this blog now that the craziness has died down some. I do have some busy days to come, as I’ll be moving into a new place next month, but I won’t let that stop me from resuming my role as the energetic athlete and socializing with all y’all. Those who have known me before my hiatus and stayed--y’all the real MVPs. Those who recently followed me and have taken the time to read this--y’all the real MVPs too. Now that I’m back, I want to put the peddle to the metal and interact with all of you. Sorry I’ve been gone for so long--I’ll do my best now that I’ve returned! -- Lenore  <3

[closetspngirl]

Love Heals the Soul (Part 3) - Convention Weekend

Summary: Briana talks reader into going to the Vancouver Supernatural Convention...which could be interesting

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x reader

Word Count: 2100

Warnings: None, unless I missed something, if that’s the case, please let me know

A/N: This one got a little wordy in the middle, sorry. Also, I couldn’t help myself with this gif. lol  Italicized are lyrics, POV thoughts or text conversations; you can tell by the context.

---

The following Tuesday Briana came into the café after wrapping for the day. She had texted, letting you know she was coming over, and you had her dirty chai ready and waiting for her when she got there. You were sitting over in the corner where it was quiet, two oversized chairs and a small table.

“How was work today?” You asked, sipping on your peppermint tea.

“Exhausting, more so emotionally. Donna is having quite the time in this episode” she sighed.

Knowing she couldn’t give you more than that, despite being your best friend, you ended the topic with a friendly “I’m sure it’ll be great. I can’t wait to see it. So, convention weekend, huh?” You asked her, taking a sip of your tea.

“Yeah! That’s why I wanted to stop by actually. You’ve been a fan of the show for some time now,” she started.

“Uh huh…”

“And we haven’t spent a lot of time together because of you being busy here at the café and me with work,” she continued.

“Uh huh…Bri, out with it!”

“So will you be my plus one to the convention this weekend?” she finally finished, waiting with bated breath for your response.

You sat there staring at her. “Um. Come again? You can do that? I’m not with the show, how can I be a plus one?” you questioned.

“Well, you couldn’t do the panels or anything, or be a part of the photo ops. But we could totally get pictures of us and the other cast members at the end of the con. There’s always Karaoke Friday night, the Saturday Night Special, and just a ton of fun in between. I promise you won’t be bored, or feel awkward and we’ll be able to hang out all weekend, unless I’m doing a panel and ops of course. But it’s still a lot of fun.”

“Bri. Take a breath.” You managed to get out, seeing as she wasn’t letting you get a word in edge wise, clearly trying to get you to go.

“So, you’ll go?” She asked, big smile on her face. “Did I mention you make a really good dirty chai?”

“Wow. Way to butter a girl up to get what you want there, Bri.” You said with a laugh. “But sure, since you practically made up my mind for me.”

“Yay!!” she squealed as she jumped up to hug you. “It starts with a pajama party Thursday night with Kim and I, then it actually gets going Friday and ending Sunday. Think you can go all weekend?”

Thinking about it, you didn’t have any cake orders, your product was really stocked up. You were suddenly thanking yourself for putting in those 12 and 13-hour days for the last couple of weeks. There wasn’t anything going on that your assistant couldn’t handle.

“Sure!” was all you had to give her.

“Great! I’ll text you tomorrow. We can share a room at the hotel if you want. I know we all live in the city, but it’s just easier being in the same place as everything going on. Pack comfy and cute clothes, and maybe a bottle of wine, no, definitely a bottle, or two. And some of your wonderful pastries! Can’t forget those.”

And just like that she was out the door, leaving you to think about the coming weekend, which was when you realized what you just said yes to.  The convention…in Vancouver…where they film; Briana, Kim, Jared…and Jensen. An entire weekend being surrounded by the cast, including a certain green eyed man. Yeah, this was going to go well.

***

You left work Wednesday, feeling excited about the coming weekend. You went over everything with your assistant, with her reassuring you that everything would be fine while you were gone, practically pushing you out the door. You always did have a hard time taking vacations or time off of any sort, just because you worried about something happening while you were away.

When you got back to your apartment, you started making a packing list of everything you needed for the weekend. You tried to pack light, but that never happened with you, although you were trying to remind yourself that, on the chance you needed anything, you were just a quick drive from the hotel.

Looking through your closet, you pulled out a few different items. Keeping in mind that Briana told you to dress comfy, you decided to leave the heels at home, and opted for your converse. They were pretty versatile, and with a cute pair of sandals and black flats, you had options. You pulled out a pair of jeans, a couple of old band t-shirts and a short waisted black leather jacket. It was light enough that you wouldn’t over heat or get tired of wearing it.

You also pulled out a super cute maxi dress with a floral pattern that you paired with a denim jacket. Looking again at everything hanging up, your eyes fell on a blue flannel shirt, so cozy you could live in it, and you practically did; rolled sleeves, worn, but not worn out. You took it off the hanger, with a simple white tank top to go underneath, and put them in your bag. You knew the outfit of choice of the show was flannel, so you felt weird bringing it with you. You weren’t a super-fan, and honestly, felt a little silly having it be one of your choices. But it was the most comfortable thing you had, in every sense of the word. You moved on to the bathroom, grabbing the essentials, then on to the rest of the apartment tidying up since you would be gone all weekend.

After packing and cleaning, you changed into a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and settled on the couch with your favorite mug, filled with peppermint tea of course, flipping through Netflix debating between a movie or watching any one of the series you had seen four times over. Each. Of course you picked a series, and of course it was Supernatural, because why not, when you were about to spend all weekend with the cast. You had seen all of the seasons, multiple times, but they never failed to bore you. And because you had seen them before, it allowed you to zone out if you wanted, or even fall asleep. Realizing that all of those late days at the café were starting to catch up with you, sleep was becoming very apparant. As you lay on the couch, curled up under a blanket, you could feel your eyelids getting heavy. Trying to stay focused on Dean and Sam saving people and hunting things, your eyes finally closed, those green eyes and beautiful smile, being the last thing you saw before you slipped away.

The next day, you felt the sun on your face, warm and bright. You slowly realized that you don’t get the morning sunlight in your bedroom, which made you wonder what happened. It was when you tried to move, feeling the pain shoot up your forearm, that you remembered that you had fallen asleep on the couch. Moaning while trying to get your body to move, you sat up, trying to clear your head. That was a mistake; I will definitely regret that later today.  You looked at your phone, seeing that Briana had texted you just a little bit before you woke up.

B: Morning!!! You ready for tonight?!

Y/N: Ugh. Morning. I will be once I get my body sorted out. Passed out on the couch last night. Complete mistake.

B: Go for a run, do some yoga, work it out. I’ll be by at 5 to get you.

Y/N: Hmm. I haven’t been on my mat for a while, that does sound nice. See you at 5.

Changing into something more suitable for yoga, you lit a candle, put some relaxing music on and rolled out your mat. It felt good to center yourself and move your body.

---

After a shower you went out and got a bite to eat, not really feeling like cooking anything. You also had to get a couple bottles of wine, per Bri’s suggestion, as well as a box of pastries from the café. Not knowing what anyone liked, assuming they made it past the three of you, you picked out an assortment, making sure to grab something chocolate, you know, just in case. You may have been amped up on adrenaline at the open mic night, but you didn’t fail to notice that Jensen had been eating a piece of chocolate cake; and now that you thought about it, you weren’t even sure if he knew you were the one that made everything.

You were sitting on the couch reading a magazine when there was a knock on your door. Jumping up, you went to answer it.

“Bri! Finally!” You pulled her in for a hug.

“Relax, I’m five minutes late, you try getting out of the house with a four-year-old.” She said with a laugh. “You all ready to go?”

“As I’ll ever be, I guess.” Letting out a nervous laugh, remembering what this weekend was all about, again.

“Great! Let’s go!” Briana said as she grabbed your bag. Seeing your brace on the counter, she picked it up, gave you a knowing look, and stuck it in your purse. You knew you’d thank her at some point this weekend, you were sure.

***

Thursday night was a whirlwind of activity and people and photos. It was great seeing some of the fans that joined in on the pajama party interact with Briana and Kim. You were in awe of the two of them, such down to earth and beautiful souled women. You found yourself smiling, watching them laughing with a couple of fans, taking a few selfies. The rest of the night was a blur, laughing, talking, making friends and of course, singing was involved. Briana and Kim ended the night and you all made your way up to the room you were sharing. It really was like a sleepover all weekend; you weren’t upset at that, you missed the company.

“Ok ladies, here is the wine and the pastries.” You said as you pulled them out of your bag.

“Sweet! Uhh…No pun intended…?” said Kim. Pulling out a bottle of whiskey from her bag. “By the way Y/N, the pastries you sent back with Jensen the other day were amazing! I’m so glad you brought these!” She said taking a raspberry macaron out of the box and taking a bite.

“Yeah, Kim wasn’t the only one that enjoyed them. Someone barely even shared the box with the rest of us!” Briana said, making you blush. Knowing both of them saw.

Trying your best to play off the next question, and really hoping you could ask it without any further interrogation, you chanced it and asked with a light laugh, “Is he even aware that I’m the one making all of these?”

“Probably not, it is Jensen after all” Briana responded, giggling from the wine and eating a pistachio eclair.

Kim was all over the questioning of the evening. “So…speaking of Jensen, what’s going on with the two of you?”

Looking between the both of them, and quite confused, wine glass almost to your lips, all you could respond with was “Nothing” and a shrug of your shoulders. “He came to open mic night, then to pick up coffee, literally nothing has happened” you went on.

“But if it did…” she continued.

“I don’t know. I guess I’d see what would happen…?” You actually never had thought about that. Sure, he was handsome, seemed to be sweet, funny and charming. His smile was something you could look at all day. His slight Texan accent, well that was a whole other story.  And his eyes. Those gorgeous emerald gems…

“Hello. Earth to Y/N. You still with us?” Briana said, waving her hands in front of your face.

“Hm? What? I was just trying to…yeah I got nothing. I was thinking about Jensen. Happy? But it was Kim’s fault, she brought him up” You said matter of factly with a groan and laugh, knowing how much trouble you were in.

“I knew it!!” Exclaimed Briana. The three of you now laughing, still drinking and eating the treats.

A couple hours later you all called it a night, so that you could get up early for breakfast, some much needed coffee, and the start of the convention.

You and Bri got into bed, sharing one of the two queen size beds in the room, while Kim took the other. “How are you feeling, you ok?” She asked, looking over. You knew what she meant. She was always looking out for you.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You said with a small smile, laying down gingerly, looking forward to sleep.

Tags: @maralisa124

[kriscynical]

Retropalooza 2018

So as already stated, Bree and I went to Retropalooza this weekend and had an absolute blast as always. This was our third year to go, and we love this con to bits. It’s practically in my backyard, only 20 minutes away from my house. It’s big enough to have good guests and a sizable dealer’s room, but still small enough to be fun. I dread the day when that happy medium finally gets tipped because of growth. You always want a con to be successful but... you know. 

As a side note, if the con you are running is for retro gaming and started out as a swap meet, if you’re suddenly going to ban screwdrivers at the door, perhaps you should mention that on your website beforehand? Seeing as how screwdrivers are... you know... the only way to definitely check the authenticity of retro game carts? That way your attendees won’t have to sprint back out to their cars in 10000% humidity in end-of-September-in-Texas heat. Just a suggestion, guys. 

But anyway.

I don’t talk about it much on this blog, but I follow a lot of gaming YouTubers. I’m not as religious about it as some people are, but I enjoy listening to gaming content while I’m working, especially letsplays. Retropalooza always has several YouTubers I follow as guests, which adds to the fun factor. This year’s guests that Bree and I were into were Jirard and Alex of Super Beard Bros and The Completionist, Norman Caruso of The Gaming Historian, James Rolfe of The Angry Video Game Nerd, and Arlo. Every single one of them are super nice, although AVGN being there this year caused a bit of bullshit to happen which I’ll detail in a little bit.

I have a little third party NES/SNES console, the RetroDuo, which I’ve had my favorite YouTubers sign for the last three years, all at this con. It’s usually displayed on one of the bookshelves in my studio. This year’s additions were Arlo and James Rolfe. It’s pretty full now:

This is long because of several photos from meet and greets as well as my Zelda haul from the dealer’s room, so...

Arlo! I just discovered his channel over the spring and this was conveniently the first year for him to be at Retropalooza. His content is really fun, and I always look forward to his reactions and discussions to Nintendo Directs and E3. His reaction to the E3 Metroid Prime 4 teaser reveal in particular was priceless.

I’ve met Norman in years past, so we just went to his panel this year. His panels are usually a live version of a Gaming Historian episode along with some Q&A and a little game show based on information from his videos. His live episode was on Punch-Out. He usually does Jeopardy! as the game format, but this time he changed it up to Who Wants to be a Millionaire?... and the lady he picked out of the audience to participate didn’t know the answer to a single damn question. I don’t know why she even raised her hand, because it wasn’t like he even asked anything difficult in the first few questions! If you watched his videos even once you’d know the answers. Bree and I were frustrated because we probably could have gotten to the million dollar question. >:\

Later in the day was AVGN’s panel, and that’s where the bullshit comes in. From the time we first got to the con on Saturday Bree and I noticed that it was way more crowded than usual, enough to get her anxiety going. AVGN doesn’t make a whole lot of convention appearances, so obviously the uptick in attendance was due to him. The people who run this con know gaming, particularly on YouTube since all of their guests are YouTubers. They should have known AVGN was going to attract hoards of people. Did they prepare for that? Of course not. 

Bree and I go to the panel room he’s scheduled to be in 15 minutes before the previous panel ends, and we get our seats. Jirard’s Completionist panel is scheduled right after AVGN in the same room, so we plan to camp out for a little while. 

Right as the previous panel is ending con staff announces that AVGN has been moved to main events, and everybody exits in one mass trying to get over to main events as quickly as possible. We ended up stuck in a massive line that snaked down the hallway and back, and before we know it it’s 1:15... 15 minutes past when the panel was supposed to start. So now we know that if we get IN to this panel, we’re going to have to miss a good chunk of it because for both of us it’s more important to see Jirard’s panel than AVGN. We’re also afraid that AVGN’s panel running over is just going to decimate Jirard’s numbers. 

Con staff comes back and says there won’t be enough chairs for everyone but there’s basically unlimited standing room, which isn’t great for me or my back. They then ask if anybody has a condition that won’t allow them to stand for an entire panel, and I raise my hand. I tell them I had back surgery a few months ago and they say okay, we’ll get you a chair. Which they did. Once they started letting people in they pulled Bree and I out of line and escorted us to two chairs behind the back row, one for me and one for her since she was with me. 

She proceeds to post this to her Snapchat:

This was what the room looked like when the panel started, at 1:25:

We still can’t believe the con didn’t anticipate this. This was the dealer’s room. Meaning the acoustics sucked ass. We couldn’t understand a single thing that was being asked or answered, nor could most of the people in the back of the room. As a result, several people left within the first 10 minutes (and the overall crowds at the con dropped like a ROCK after that panel was over, thank god!). At about 1:45 we gave up and left, too, to go grab seats for Jirard’s Completionist panel, which worked out well because we got front row. Thankfully the room was mostly full by the time the panel started, too.

The Completionist panel was the best of the weekend that we attended, imo. Bree and I were smiling and laughing through the whole thing because it was just that much fun. He had nothing planned because he’d been in Japan until a couple days before that, so it was just a laid back Q&A. He called on both of us to ask questions, and my question (“Given what you just said about Sleepy Jirard, would you say it’s a cure for Jirard Syndrome?”) got quite a bit of an audience reaction as well as a reaction from him, followed by “That was a good question.” with a laugh after he answered. Bree and I hope we can find video of this panel on YouTube soon.

After his panel we went back to the dealer’s room and found him and Alex at their guest table, they recognized us from years past (“Oh hey, guys!”), we chatted for a bit, took pictures, and I gave both of them some little goodies I’d made based on the Kaizo episodes of Super Beard Bros:

These are buttons Bree wanted of the designs I made. I gave both Alex and Jirard keychains of “Ladies and Gentlemen: The Bullet”, then gave Alex “The Goochy” and Jirard “This is not how I end”. They both liked them a LOT and Alex said he was going to put the bullet on his keys, which made me ridiculously happy. These will be available at next year’s A-Kon. 

Before we left for the day on Saturday we saw that the line for AVGN wasn’t too bad, so we decided to give it a shot for autographs and pictures. Thankfully it only took about ten minutes to get through the line, and even though the con had fucked up his panel royally, James was super nice when we got to meet him.

I didn’t realize he had made that face until I saw the picture afterwords. If I had known, I would have made a face, too, dammit! >:\

On Sunday we brought along my mom so she could 1) see what a retro gaming con was like since she’d only been to anime cons, and 2) see the Beard Bros panel/meet them because I had gotten her into their channel over the summer via the Kaizo videos. I introduced her to them separately since they were each talking to different people, and when I said “I recently got her into Super Beard Bros” both of them independently said “I’m sorry” as a response without having heard the other do so. lol 

I’m posting this picture again because I love it. Y’all can deal with it. You’ve read this far.

I had printed out a shot of the Beard Bros title card so my mom could get it signed, and she did. She said she thoroughly enjoyed herself at the con, and I’m hoping she can come out on Sunday next year, too. She bought an NES cart of Classic Concentration, a game that she and I played together on my NES all the time when I was a kid. I wish they’d bring it back on TV because it was a good game show, dammit. 

My Zelda Haul:

The three game box covers are mounted on 1/2″ foam core and I plan to hang them over the TV in my studio since that’s where all of my retro gaming stuff is set up. The BotW box art is layered 3D cutout in a shadow box frame. The Hylian Shield is a new pillow to add to my gaming chair. Not pictured: a Sheik Amiibo that the seller gave me a good price on after some haggling, and a replacement gold Wii remote to replace the one the batteries destroyed a couple months ago. I got that for a really good price, too, from a different seller. He was selling it as a bundle with Skyward Sword, and I of course didn’t need the game. 

“Will you sell this by itself?”

“I was selling it as a bundle, but sure.”

“How much?”

“What will you offer me?”

“Uh... I dunno? I don’t know what it’s going for online right now.”

Bree said, “I’ll check.” and pulled out her phone. I had only seen it in one game shop here in Arlington for $80 and hadn’t tried looking online yet. She turned her phone to the guy and said “On eBay it’s going for anywhere from $45 to $82.”

So then the guy says to me again, “Okay. So what will you offer me?”

“$50?”

“Cash?”

“Yep.”

“Done.”

Yaaaaaaas.

THIS THING is the crown jewel of my haul and I love it to pieces. Guh. I picked it up on Saturday.

Just LOOK AT IT. I bought it from the same seller as the Sheik Amiibo, and I referred to it as “my baby” for the rest of the day and carried it in front of me in its box quite proudly. I had several people tell me it was badass and that was satisfying. Every time I had to get into my backpack for something I told Bree, “Hold my baby.” before handing it over. 

I think I got him for a great price, too. After reaching a deal on Sheik I asked the guy how much the figure was, and he said $100 but asked what I would offer for it. He’d had it up on eBay but pulled it after a week because it wasn’t selling. I’ve only seen it for $110-120+ online, but I went ahead and tried to haggle some more because why the hell not. I asked if he’d do $80, then he asked if I’d do $90 because he gave me a good deal on Sheik (he really did... $10 off of his asking price which was almost a third total!), and I agreed. He said that made him happy because he’d rather the figure go to me “because it looks like you’ll take care of the box” to which I told him yes, of course, I keep all of my boxes in a safe place, and his buddy said “That’s the way to do it!!”. 

And that’s that. I spent the most money this year of any year before now, but I don’t regret a cent of it. Especially on my baby. Bree and I already can’t wait for next year!

[sarahunfiltered-blog1]

I’m Coming out of the Closet...

The Human Design closet that is...lol.

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. :)

I keep fighting myself on writing about this, but I know it’s something I need to do despite my hesitation and fear. 

I’ve had thoughts like “who am I to share this system?” “do I even know what I’m talking about?” “I’m not knowledgeable or educated enough to share this info.” blah blah blah.

But here’s the thing... HD is something that lights me up, I understand it and have caught onto it really quickly. I talk about it every day with friends and family, I’ve shared snippets of what I am learning on my social media, but when it comes to actually sitting down and sharing what I know I FREEZE.

Part of me feels it’s because I feel I have to know EVERYTHING about it before I can speak up about it at all, but that just isn’t the case because there will never be a perfect time to talk about it. I also fear sharing my experience and knowledge and then being judged for it (this is the 3/5 in me, lol. more on this later.)

HD has been following me for over a year now and I kept kiiiind of looking into it and then would feel like I wasn’t smart enough to learn this extremely complex system, so I’d back off...aaaaaaaand it’d come right back. again and again aaaaaaand again.

About 2 months ago at this point I sat down and did an oracle reading around it asking what I needed to do, why I needed to do it, how I needed to do it and what the outcome of learning about this system in detail would bring me and the reading was too spot on to ignore it any longer, so I took a deep nose dive into learning about HD and the outcome thus far has been amazing.

I’ve done well over 50 charts in the last 2 months and I’ve helped give so much insight to my friends and family’s and how they are wired and how the best handle this or that and how they best make decisions and why there is confliction in this area and so on.  HD is basically a system that gives you a blueprint of who you are. It’s unique to you and no one else’s chart will identically match yours. The system is just over 30 years old and was “downloaded” during a mediation by Ra Uru Hu after his encounter with “The Voice”. This system combines Astrology, the Kabbalah, the IChing and the Chakra System.

It isn’t something you have to believe in for it to work, it’s not a religion or spiritual practice and it’s not a rule book you HAVE to live by. It’s a guide, which is why I feel it works for me so well and is something I’m comfortable learning about and sharing with others as I go. 

Side note: to get your chart info you need your name, full DOB, exact birth time and the location in which you were born. 

There are 5 types in HD. Generator, Manifesting Generator, Projector, Manifestor and Reflector. I’ll eventually go into more detail into each type and how they work and are wired, but today I am going to focus on my chart and touch on a few basic, insightful and helpful things. 

Type - Projector 

Projectors make up about 20% of the population. They are referred to as the Guides in HD. They are non-energy types, so instead of them bringing the energy to the room, they take on the energy of the room and amplify it. 

Projectors are very insightful and can see right through people, but here is the thing, just because a projector may see something doesn’t mean they just walk up the person and tell them how it is. No, they need to WAIT for the invitation to speak to someone. Now that doesn’t mean a projector needs to stay at home and sit on their ass and not doing anything and wait around for someone to come invite them to something. It means they should work on themselves and develop what they’re good at and make themselves inviting, so that way the people for them will come to them with the invitation and recognition they’re wanting.

In my own life I know I am constantly trying something new or talking about what I am into and me putting that out there and it naturally draws people to me to ask “hey, what all do you put in your smoothie? “what yoga videos do you follow?” “where do you buy the stuff to cleanse you space?” “can you do my HD chart for me?” “can you do and oracle reading for me?” etc. Those are all invitations for me to speak up vs if I were to go and DM all these people and ask them if I can do their HD chart for them, if they want to buy this from me, blah blah (all of which by nature I am not a fan of doing) and they end up resenting me invite and then I end up bitter af, lol.

The key for projectors when it comes to work is to work smarter, not harder. Since protectors are non-energy types they need to conserve and utilize their time and energy. What may take someone else ALL day to do, a projector can do in a matter of hours because of their efficiency.

Projectors are very sensitive and empathetic by nature and are the type to NEED alone time to cleanse they aura from everything they’ve picked up during the day and recharge. I know I am someone who has be really mindful of who and what I surround myself with because I’ll take it on and projector is back into the atmosphere around me. Unless something or someone is a hell yes for me, it’s a hell no and when I need alone time I NEED alone time.

Strategy - To Wait for Invitation 

A projectors strategy is to wait for the invitation. I kind of touched on this above about how that doesn’t mean you sit around and do nothing, but instead focus on yourself and work on the things you want to be invited to or recognized for. A projectors aura is kind of like a billboard. If you want someone to see something or know something about you, then you need to work on it and put it on your billboard and talk about it and share it. I know that when I try and make all the plans with a friend and bring it to them I am immediately met with resistance vs me texting my friend about how nice a hike sounds and if they just so happen to ask if I’d like to go that weekend then that gives me a chance to accept or decline the invitation. 

Not-Self Theme - Bitterness

This coincides with what I said above as well. When a projector goes out there and tries to make all the things happen, and make the plans, and do do do and force everything they’re met with resistance and then end as a bitter bitch. I’ve learned this the hard way, lol. AGAIN, be inviting, but don’t do the inviting. Let people come to you. 

Definition - Triple-Split

A simple way this part of HD was explained to me was this kind of tells ya how you are in relationships. There are 4 types of definition. Single, Split, Triple-Split and Quadruple-Split. Since I am keeping today about my chart I’ll touch on what a being a Triple-Split is. Someone with this definition is someone who’s very independent and is also someone who naturally likes to be talking to 10 people at the same time (LOL ME), so with that being said people with this definition can have difficulties when it comes to monogamous relationships because one person doesn’t fill everything they need; which is amusing to me because I’ve always been one to talk to MULTIPLE people in a day, I am very independent and I like it that way, so when I have a friend I am talking to and they begin a new relationship with someone and stop talking to me as much I don’t understand it because I can have 10 convo’s going at one time and ALL they can do is talk to their boo, lol. But this just goes to show EVERYONE is different and that is OOOKAY. Both my husband and I are Triple-Split’s and part of me feels we work as well as we do because we’re both this way. 

Authority - Solar Plexus - Emotional 

When I found out I had an emotional authority, it made me emotional about being emotional which in turn made me emotional... lol. 

Anywayssss.

When it comes to authority it’s how you best make decisions. Being an emotional decision makers basically means you lives your life on an emotional wave, so when it comes to making decisions you want to make sure you’ve ridden the wave all the way out before making a decision. You want to be cool, calm and collected and clear vs really high on your way or really low because let’s say you make a decision when you’re REALLY excited, really sad, really mofo angry, you’re going to wake up the next morning and possibly feel COMPLETELY different and may not feel the same at all, so now you’re stuck in the decision you made and you may not be a fan of it anymore. Bottom line; wait it out at LEAST a day before making a decision.

Profile - Martyr - Heretic (3/5)

Someone who is a 3/5 is someone who lives by experience and after living the experience they’ll come back and want to tell everyone about it. The pros and cons, how they’d so something differently, etc, but on the flip side they are someone who is fearful of what they are sharing out of judgement of others, so they may end up not sharing out of fear, but they still have this passion to share. This has really shown up in my life and what I ended up doing for a long time was sharing what I thought people would find acceptable vs what I was really into. This has drastically changed as of this year. I’m still fearful, but I do it anyways.

I’ll go ahead and end today’s blog there to keep it more short and sweet and down the line I’ll continue to share what I am learning. 

Until next time...

Sarah, xo 

[canaryatlaw]

well, today was fine. not exciting, but there are gonna be a lot of those now that I’m officially immersed in bar studying as a full time thing. I set an alarm for 1:15 pm because I didn’t want to sleep in too much, so I got up when that went off. I made eggs for breakfast because I feel like I’ve been living off sugar and carbs lately (I say this as I’m snacking on “cinnamon toast crunch blasted” shredded wheat, which is entirely sugar and carbs) so maybe I should vary that a bit. By 2 I started my first bar video, which was 3 1/2 hours, and basically finishing what we were doing yesterday by going through each of the 7 subjects tested on the MBE (multi-state bar exam), being torts, con law, contracts, property, criminal law and procedure (which is two different classes but treated as one subject), civil procedure, and evidence. So we did 5 practice questions for each and then went over them. So that was the first video, which I finished around 5:30. I took like ten minutes to get some food, then started the next one, which consisted of a “mini-test” which had two questions for each of the 7 subjects we’d reviewed in a random order like it would be on the actual bar, and then we went over those, so nothing too mind blowing, just a long time commitment and having to stay engaged. There are a handful of other bar tested electives like secured transactions and wills & trusts, but those are on a different part of the exam. While going through the second video, Jess and I started to scheme about going to eternal con in a few weeks, which is conveniently located on Long Island, where my family is, so we could stay with them, and it turns out Frontier Airlines finally unrolled their direct flights from O’Hare to the LI airport that they told my parents they were going to do like two years ago and they’ve been bugging me about it ever since, lol. They are currently the only airline that has a direct flight from Chi into the LI airport and not the city, which is a big deal for my parents because they really loathe picking me up from Laguardia (like, a lot) so I knew flying into Islip would be a lot easier. Once the bar review video was over I called my dad and talked it over, then made the arrangements, so we are good to go! I’m super excited because I haven’t been at a con since HVFF Chicago, and by the time I’ll get to this one it will have been like 2 months, lol, which is way too long considering the rate at which we’d been going before conpocalypse weekend right before everyone got super busy with life stuff. I’m trying to figure out if we might run into anybody I know, there are a couple people from LI that I know do cosplay, so we may run into them. I’ll have to figure out what I’m doing cosplay wise. But yeah, I’m excited about that. I also talked to him about the bar and future plans and all that good stuff, I still haven’t heard back on the email I sent the NY job, so if I don’t get anything tomorrow I’m gonna go ahead and call them. I’m feeling more and more like this isn’t going to happen based on how I haven’t heard a peep from them yet, not even like a “hey we’re still deciding but we’ll get back to you” it’s just been nothing, and I don’t know how I feel about that. I mean, I’m pumped about potentially staying in Chicago, which is objectively the better option at this point  job wise, but the idea of really not having a job lined up makes me anxious, even though I know a lot of people don’t get hired until after they take the bar. just gotta keep applying....I need to spend some time looking for jobs and applying soon, the bar studying schedule is just really intense, they have stuff scheduled for every day, including weekends, so that’s gonna be a lot when I do have weekend obligations I need to do, so I’ll have to figure all of that out. We’ll see what happens, hopefully by tomorrow I’ll at least know if I’m going to get an answer. After the phone call I watched one episode of 13 Reasons Why, which the only comment on I’ll make is that in reality the entirety of Clay’s mom’s firm would’ve been conflicted off the case, not just his mom, because if they attempted to screen her off and establish a “chinese wall” (that’s the term they use to describe it when you cut one lawyer off from any info in a case, I have no idea why) they clearly have broken it on multiple occasions and the courts don’t play with that shit, so they’d be long gone at this point. That and I have to reiterate my assertion that there is no way in hell the school would ever have gone to trial, even if all their offers got rejected, and they especially would not be making the arguments they’re making in court because they would be getting absolutely crucified by the media and it would look really, really bad for them. Anyway. The fact that the Krypton season finale was on tonight and there were people tweeting about it on my feed reminded me that I haven’t watched last week’s episode (and I won’t be able to watch the finale until tomorrow because I don’t get stupid Syfy) so I then switched over to that. Interesting developments, the most of which I’d credit to the Zod family, finding out Drew Zod is actually Seg’s son as well as Lyta’s was quite the revelation, being that it means him and Jor-El are actually brothers (who end up being sworn enemies). So I guess we’ll see how that plays out in the finale. After that I watched a few episodes of 30 Rock while I tried to wind things down on the computer (and by that I mean reading all the articles and buzzfeed posts I’d pulled up) before starting to get ready for bed, and now I’m here. Good stuff. PT tomorrow, then more bar prep of course. Such an exciting life I lead, I know. I’ll take it though, because boring right now means excitement later, and that’s where I want to end up being. Alright, I’m done for now. Goodnight huns. Sleep well.