#I’m pretty sure she doesn’t mind being held by certain people tbh

[sirazaroff]

Does Blake and Yang steal Weiss' high heels to force her to walk between them at her true 4'11 tiny height?

They didn’t even give her the chance to walk. It was a lesson learned.

[patchofsunlight]

Pretty Eyes | Sokka x Fem!Reader

Hello! This is my first ever imagine and I have no idea of what I’m doing, but I guess that’s the beauty of it all, right? So here we go!

SUMMARY: Y/N and Sokka do not get on well. That changes, however, after one particular night.

WORD COUNT: 6k I’m not used to writing oneshots it got so long I’m sorry if the “keep reading” thingy doesn’t work

WARNINGS: there’s a bit of kissing at the end? also I think there’s one or two cuss words. there’s some angst and mutual pining, since it’s an enemies-to-lovers. Toph is Y/N’s best friend bc I love her. and bad writing! I think it feels kinda rushed and English is not my first language so I’m not really sure how to feel about this tbh

I hope you like it! Also if you want to request something please do just ask me what I write for and I’ll tell you!!

Y/N definitely did not regret leaving Zuko and joining the Avatar and his team. It was probably the best thing she had ever done, the first step to finally forgiving herself for all the years she worked for the Fire Nation and for all the pain she caused alongside it, the first step to letting go of all the hurt she held inside her heart.

But Spirits, she couldn’t take Sokka’s attitude anymore.

“We can’t let Y/N go to the city alone, it’s a three day trip! What if she tells her Fire Nation friends we are here?”

He was the only one who hadn’t warmed up to her yet. Toph had taken a liking to her almost immediately, which Y/N firmly believed was for the sole reason of spiting Sokka, but she didn’t exactly mind. Toph was the first person to treat her like a human being and not an enemy, and she was deeply thankful for that. The first few weeks with Team Avatar were difficult — the Water Tribe people didn’t trust her, Aang was unconscious, Katara was going crazy with worry for her friend, and Sokka accused her of being a Fire Nation spy every two seconds. Siding with the Avatar in the crystal cave had done nothing for her reputation, it seemed: she was still Zuko’s friend, still a bad person, still Fire Nation scum, among other endearing titles.

Katara came around eventually, while Aang was still recovering from his injuries. At one point, the waterbender told her she was the only one not pissing her off in the Water Tribe boat they occupied, which made her smile.

And Aang, well, he was a sweetheart. She would never forget the way the small boy laughed loudly after Katara told him how she punched Azula in the face after the Fire Princess hit him with lightning, kindly leaving out the part where Azula immediately gave her a nasty burn after recovering from the surprise of a fist to the nose. 

“Come on, Sokka,” Katara countered, rolling her eyes in annoyance, “we’ve talked about this.”

Then there was Sokka, who still pretty much hated her, even as they now hid inside the Fire Nation together. “You know I’m right, Katara. You should go with her to make sure she doesn’t turn her back on us.”

“You guys know she is right here, right? Are you ignoring her or something?”

“It’s okay, Toph,” Y/N touched the girl’s arm fondly, avoiding the glare Sokka sent her way. “You don’t need to worry..”

“No, it’s not okay!” Katara snapped, letting go of the shirt she was stitching up and staring at her brother angrily. “Why don’t you go with her, then, if you’re so worried?”

“That seems like a good idea!” Aang smiled brightly from his place beside Appa. “It could be a fun bonding trip!”

“No!” Sokka and Y/N said almost at the exact time before exchanging a very confused look. Something seemed to ignite inside him just as he turned to glower at her with rage in his eyes. “Why don’t you want me to go, firegirl? Is it because I’m right?”

“I’m pretty sure it’s because you are a jerk to her all the time, but okay,” Toph muttered. Katara bit back a snicker, taking the shirt from the ground and trying to focus on it again.

“Well, I’m going,” Sokka announced, crossing his arms, “since she’s hiding things from us and trying to go to the city alone.”

“I am not hiding anything! No one else wanted to go to the city so I volunteered, it’s not that deep.”

“Well, then why wouldn’t you want me to go?”

“I don’t know, Sokka, why do you accuse me of being a traitor all the time?”

“That’s got nothing to do with this! But you did betray Zuko, who was supposed to be your boyfriend or whatever—”

“Zuko was not my boyfriend.”

“— and once a traitor, always a traitor.”

“That’s enough!” Katara interrupted, annoyance written all over her face. “We chose Y/N to make the trip to the city and I can’t take being near Sokka anymore, so you two will leave right now to get us supplies, food and clothes. Do you understand?”

“I—”

“I don’t care, Sokka! Go get your things, see you in three days.”

------

Sokka wasn’t really sure why he hated Y/N so much anymore. Hell, he was even starting to think he might actually enjoy her presence, in a way. Not that he would tell that to anyone.

She was still the enemy, even while Katara laughed at something she said and Toph clinged to her, talking her ears off about whatever was going on through her mind. She was still the enemy when Aang asked to braid her hair and when she talked to Appa and Momo while she thought no one noticed. Y/N was still the enemy while her eyes shone with delight whenever Toph made a joke and while she smiled that pretty smile of hers at Aang, and she was definitely still the enemy when his heart skipped a beat whenever she accidently looked at him without that angry look he always managed to put on her face.

Yes, Sokka didn’t like her in any way. He couldn’t like her, he refused to like her. She was from Fire Nation. Even if the others accepted her, he knew the truth — Y/N would never be trustworthy, would never be one of them.

The caves they were currently hiding in were Fire Nation territory, and the trip towards the city was long, specially since they couldn’t use Appa. After two miles, Sokka was already bored. 

“Is your Fire Nation home close by?” he questioned, a hint of accusation in his voice. Y/N didn’t spare him a glance and, for some unknown reason, Sokka felt annoyed by it.

“No.”

“Well, then where is it?” he pressed, staring at her.

“Where is what?”

“Your Fire Nation home.”

“I don’t have one, Sokka. Are you done?”

The Water Tribe warrior scoffed and rolled his eyes, crossing his arms, “you don’t have one, firegirl? Yeah, right. I’m sure you lived in a big house where everyone did every little thing you wanted them to,” he watched as she sighed, her eyes flooding with irritation, “am I wrong?”

It was her turn to scoff, “shut up, waterboy.”

He raised his eyebrows, “waterboy?”

“Come on, the quicker we do this the quicker I can be away from you. We have no time to lose.”

------

They set up camp in the woods near a small village halfway to the city. While walking, they didn’t speak much besides Sokka’s stupid questions and Y/N’s dry answers — he noticed how she acted different now they were alone together, almost as if she had closed up on herself and, ignoring the stinging in his chest, he wondered if she would ever smile and laugh with him the way she did with the Aang, Toph and Katara. With a certain heaviness to his thoughts, Sokka concluded that no, she probably wouldn’t. Not that he cared, obviously.

“I can do first watch,” he let her know, watching carefully as Y/N yawned and arranged her sleeping bag on the hard ground.

“You sure?”

“Yes. I’ll wake you up when it’s my turn to sleep.”

Y/N nodded, falling asleep almost instantly as she laid her head down. When she slept, she didn’t look like a traitor as much as she usually did. She looked like a normal, beautiful girl he would really love to get to know better. But of course he couldn’t, because she was from the Fire Nation and would eventually betray them all, or at least that’s what Sokka told himself to avoid getting too close, too attached. Spirits, he had lost so many people that adding one more person in his care-about list was unthinkable, unreasonable and just all-around stupid.

Sokka wasn’t sure how much time had passed when Y/N started moving in her sleep, her previously peaceful expression now filled with anxiety and fear as she turned and tossed. He furrowed his eyebrows, staring at her curiously.

“No,” he could hear her mutter, “please, no. Please.”

“Y/N?” his voice was calm as he knelt down by her sleeping bag, recognizing the signs of a nightmare. “Y/N, wake up. It’s just a dream.”

“I’m sorry,” she cried out, her eyelids shut tight, “please. I’m sorry!”

“Y/N!”

The girl sat up suddenly, hitting her forehead with his. Sokka groaned at the sudden pain, bringing a hand up to his forehead and touching it lightly. Meanwhile, Y/N took in her surroundings, her breathing heavy. She could already feel a lump forming inside her throat.

“Are you okay?” he asked after a moment, finally noticing her panicked motions and moving forward to touch her shoulder but hesitating. Sokka would usually greet her with a mean comment, but he could see the nervousness on her face and it worried him. “Do you need some water?”

“No, I’m good,” she swallowed, trying to slow down her breathing. “I just—just got a nightmare.”

“I noticed,” the Water Tribe warrior smiled sadly, “I get those too.”

She hummed in acknowledgement, trying to wrap her head around the fact Sokka was actively being nice to her. It felt weird but had a kind of warmth taking over her chest that she didn’t mind one bit.

He scratched the back of his neck, staring at her while she kept her eyes trained on her own hands, “do you want to talk about it?” He noticed her intrigued expression and sighed, going on, “Katara always tells me that talking about nightmares makes them go away. So… Do you want to talk about yours?”

Y/N looked at him attentively, searching for some type of mockery or teasing on his face. Sokka seemed to blush under her gaze, but she was sure it was just the moonlight tricking her eyes. Y/N exhaled deeply, crossing her arms in a defensive stance and biting down on her lower lip as she couldn’t find any bad intention in his gaze, deciding to share some of the vulnerability he was offering her. “It was just something that happened some years ago. Before I left with Zuko, I mean.”

He nodded, leaning on his hands with his arms straight while sat beside her, “I never understood why you left with him, to be honest,” he commented, “he doesn’t seem like the fun type.”

Y/N let out a small smile and Sokka could swear his heart jumped inside his chest for some reason, “he was never the fun type, but he was still my best friend, even though banishment changed him. But I didn’t leave just because of Zuko.”

That was new information. “You didn’t?”

She shook her head, looking down at her hands again, “no.”

“Then why?”

Sokka observed as her entire body tensed and felt the immediate urge to apologize for the question and tell her to go back to sleep. Before he could open his mouth, however, she answered in a broken voice that sounded nothing like her own, “I couldn’t stay. My dad had just died in the war and my mom…” her eyes were full of anguish and misery, still watching her fingers lock and unlock, “she wasn’t doing very well. My nightmare,” she hesitated, inhaling sharply before training her gaze on him again, “it was about her.”

They looked at each other, lazy eyes studying faces with a new curiosity and innocence they hadn’t held for one another before. Something flashed through Y/N’s expression before she asked, averting her pretty eyes from him, “do you want to see it?”

Sokka furrowed his brows in confusion, “see what?”

Y/N let out a shaky breath before raising her tunic slightly. The Water Tribe boy felt his whole face flush with embarrassment but he noticed the marks before he could look away — something that must’ve been a horrible burn, the scar covering a great part of her right side, stretching from her bellybutton to just under her chest. “Iroh spent a lot of time changing mine and Zuko’s bandages in the first months after we left,” she smiled sadly and then put her clothes back into place.

“Your mom did that?”

“She didn’t mean to,” Y/N shrugged her shoulders, “it was an accident, but still. Whenever I think about it, I’m really glad I was born a non-bender.”

“You are?”

“Yes. Having the power to cause so much pain and destruction… I wouldn’t want that in anyway.”

Sokka hummed in understanding and appreciation. He knew she was a non-bender like him but they had never really talked about what that meant to them and to Team Avatar. He wasn’t aware she didn’t crave bending like he did, but it felt nice to hear her speak about it like that.

Showing someone her scar felt… Different, but not a bad different. Y/N had grown accustomed to hiding it all the time, even though she didn’t feel ashamed of it. It was just an ugly part of her that held too many bad memories that she intended to keep to herself. Letting Sokka see it was strange and she didn’t know exactly why she did it, to be honest. It felt right, though. Talking to him like they were friends felt right. Being around him like that felt very, very right.

“You should sleep, waterboy,” she punched his shoulder softly, ignoring her own thoughts, “I’ll keep guard for the rest of the night.”

He was quick to deny, “no, I’m fine, you should—”

“Sokka,” her tone was demanding, “you need to rest too. Come on, get some sleep. I don’t think I’ll be able to fall asleep again anyway.”

He would love to disagree but he recognized the look on her face. She wasn’t asking him to sleep — she was telling him to. For some reason, that thought made him smile.

“Okay,” Sokka answered quietly as he got into his own sleeping bag, “good night, Y/N.”

“Good night, Sokka. Sleep well.”

“I will. Thank you.”

“It’s alright.”

------

The rest of the trip was better than expected. It seemed like that one vulnerable moment they shared affected their relationship in more ways than one, and they traveled peacefully to the city and back. They even managed to spark conversation with each other in some instances.

Sokka would love to say that being in good terms with Y/N made him satisfied, but that would be a lie. Aang, Katara and Toph were really happy with their new dynamic, glad they could talk to each other without mean comments or accusations — Y/N and Sokka were the only ones inside the Gaang who still had to become friends, and now that they did, everyone seemed pleased and content.

Except Sokka.

Being around her was difficult. Now that he didn’t expect the worst of her all the time, he couldn’t ignore what he felt whenever she was close by, the sensations he once thought were just his way of feeling disgust and anger taking a different shape. He would catch himself smiling stupidly at her while she laughed with someone else and would feel his whole face reddening when she looked into his eyes. However, he remembered very clearly the last time he felt something like that, and it didn’t end well. He couldn’t have that again.

Avoiding her was even more difficult and he couldn’t keep it up for a single day. After finally being able to taste what a friendship with Y/N felt like, he couldn’t stop from craving it more and more. Instead of being away from her like he intended so he could get rid of whatever feelings he was gathering, he actively went out of his way to be near her, even when his mind screamed at him to just let go.

Sokka couldn’t get attached to someone like that once more. He couldn’t forget what happened to Yue — liking someone was not his cup of tea, it would end tragically and he didn’t want it, couldn’t have it, not again.

But a part of him entertained these feelings, these thoughts. It didn’t matter, right? She would never feel the same for him, so it was okay. He wouldn’t get hurt because he would never actually have her so there was no way to lose her.

Right?

------

Everything happened fast.

They didn’t think the Fire Nation soldiers would find them anytime soon and yet they still did. They were nearing the Day of the Black Sun and being found out in Fire Nation territory was less than ideal, to say the least. Y/N was just glad they had Toph, Aang and Katara to fight for them — they were truly amazing benders and there were many more soldiers than she would normally expect.

Everything happened too fast.

She had been taught from a young age how to fight with a sword and was slowly trying to teach Sokka too, even though teaching was proving itself to be harder than learning. They fought from the sidelines, hitting the soldiers the three benders couldn’t hit or see. One of them had a sword too and Y/N rapidly engaged in a difficult fight while also keeping an eye out for Sokka, who was fighting another soldier to her right.

She couldn’t deny the feelings growing inside her towards the boy. Weeks before, she would have straight up laughed if anyone told her she would fall for him, and now there she was. Y/N loved his smile and his voice and his stupid jokes and the way he called her “firegirl” with an endearing tone instead of the accusative one he used to always have when talking to her only weeks before. She loved how his cheeks flushed red when she looked at him for too long and she loved hearing him go on and on about his plans and theories. She loved it all so much she didn’t even mind Toph’s constant teasing: “Calm down your heart, Y/N,” the younger girl would say with a mocking smile, “it’s just Sokka!”

“Shut up, Toph.”

Y/N knew he would never feel the same, but a girl can dream, and dream she did. They would talk late into the night, guarding camp together and exchanging childhood stories. Being around him was very comforting, in a way. 

Everything happened fast.

She got distracted when the soldier battling against Sokka seemed to get the upper hand, even though Sokka fought back and took control of the conflict again easily. However, that instant was enough for her own enemy to attack.

The pain was unbearable but Y/N kept on fighting. There was blood running down her skin, staining her clothes, the wound to her ribs deep and distressing, but she couldn’t leave her friends like that. She manipulated her sword the best she could, ignoring the sharp pain felt with every intake of breath, taking down as many non-bender soldiers as possible.

They ran for Appa when there was finally an opening, climbing onto the flying bison and leaving the remaining Fire Nation soldiers behind them.

Adrenaline was responsible for making her able to endure the pain but now that they were safe and flying while Aang and Katara disguised Appa as clouds, her vision went out of focus and she stumbled, clinging to Toph’s arm in a last attempt to remain conscious and alert. “Y/N? Are you alright?” the girl asked confusedly, her brows furrowed in question.

“Yes,” Y/N was able to get one word out, even though her thoughts were getting messier by the second and black dots appeared before her eyes. “Just tired,” she muttered. It was true — she could feel exhaustion taking over her body and head, slowly making her slump over herself.

She felt like her body was on fire, almost as if she had been burned all over. The pain made it hard to concentrate, her mind trained on the feeling of blood soaking her tunic, every breath causing waves of agony to take over her. The stab wound seemed to be throbbing, unabling her of any coherent thought.

“You sure? You seem—Spirits! Katara, come here! Y/N was wounded! She is bleeding!”

A part of her brain registered a touch to her ribs, Toph’s small hands hanging over her with no idea of what to do. She could hear Katara’s voice from somewhere on her right but she knew Katara needed to keep up their cover alongside Aang. They couldn’t afford risking their disguise just yet, they were still too close to those soldiers.

(Or so she thought. She couldn’t be really sure, since her mind was clouded and she felt extremely confused, the black dots slowly taking over her vision until she saw nothing but unrecognizable shadows.)

Amongst the screams, there was Sokka. He had left his place guiding Appa and came running to her, horror written all over his face as he started to put pressure on her bleeding wound, following Katara’s instructions.

“You’re going to be okay,” his voice sounded weird, disconnected, out of place. Y/N wished she could see him properly. She had come to appreciate how beautiful he actually was, with his endearing smile and bright blue eyes. She really wished she could see him. “Stay awake for me, alright?”

“Waterboy,” she mumbled with a lazy smile before darkness consumed her entirely.

------

There was so much blood. Sokka could see how the water covering Katara’s hands was stained, he could see how soaked Y/N’s tunic was. He could see her, her skin so pale she almost looked dead. That thought alone made Sokka’s stomach turn over inside his body, his eyes stinging with anxious tears.

They did an emergency landing on a small island nearby, Katara trying to maintain their cover as Aang rushed to the reins Sokka had abandoned in his frenzy. Meanwhile, Sokka and Toph were screaming at each other in utter panic, trying desperately to help their friend somehow. His hands were still shaking and red from putting pressure on the wound like his sister had told him to. 

“What is happening?” he stopped pacing as he heard Toph’s weak voice, the small girl playing with her own fingers in nervousness. “Is Katara’s healing working?”

There was ringing inside his ears as he stared at his sister. He could clearly see tears streaming down her face as she exchanged the red water on her hands for the clean one Aang had put on a container and positioned nearby. His heart throbbed inside his chest, a million thoughts going through his head at the same time.

Y/N was going to die. He was going to lose her. He would never see her smile again and he would never hear her laugh again and she would never tell him stories about her childhood again. He would never watch her as she played around with Toph and he would never be able to peek at her as she trained her sword fighting skills anymore. He would never talk to her late at night and he would never appreciate the way her voice sounded again.

He would never feel his heart pick up whenever she walked inside a room again. He would never smile unconsciously just by seeing her smile again. And she would never know how much she meant to him, how much he genuinely liked her and everything she did.  He was going to lose her without even knowing if maybe, in a distant time, when the war was over and they were safe, she would want to stay with him, making him laugh and smiling that gorgeous smile of hers at him everyday. Sokka would never know if somehow she wanted him as much as he wanted her, with all his flaws and faults and fears.

He would never know and he would never have her by his side again and he wanted to scream until his throat was sore. He wanted to cry himself to sleep and pretend this was just a bad dream he would eventually wake up off hearing her beautiful laugh as she chatted with Katara and Toph during breakfast.

“Sokka? Please, tell me what is happening. How is Y/N?”

The Water Tribe warrior felt a sudden anger spark up inside him. He should’ve done something, he should’ve noticed she’d been hit, and so should the others. Weren’t they powerful benders? Couldn’t they sense everything through the earth or some other bullshit like that? Weren’t they better than him in every way? Well, they could have at least saved her.

“Shut up, Toph! This is your fault! You should have noticed she was wounded! You should have helped her before it was too late!”

He didn’t mean it. A part of him knew it was not her fault, but his brain was enveloped in pain and desperation and he just wanted someone to blame so he didn’t have to deal with the guilt forming in his chest. He was losing Y/N and there was nothing he could do about it.

Toph went from worried to pissed off quickly, tightening her hands in fists and sending a few rocks flying towards the sea surrounding the island, “how is this my fault?! I was fighting off a few soldiers too, you know? It’s not like I could have stopped everything I was doing and ran to her!”

He moved his arms around frantically, “you don’t even care about her!”

“I don’t care about her? She’s my best friend!”

“You obviously didn’t care enough to help!”

“Oh, you little—”

“That’s enough!” Katara’s voice sounded fragile but terrifying, averting her gaze from her bloody hands to glare at them. “I can’t concentrate with all this screaming!”

“Sokka started it!”

“I don’t care who started it!” she barked, her eyes burning with rage. “Get out!”

Sokka opened his mouth to oppose, feeling his entire body tense with the idea of being away from Y/N in such a moment, but didn’t get to as Aang took a hold of his arm and started to lead him towards somewhere else on the beach. Toph groaned in frustration before leaving in the opposite direction.

“You need to calm down,” Aang sounded serene while dragging his friend through the sand, “arguing is not going to get us anywhere. We need to be together right now to get through this.”

The Avatar turned to look at Sokka when he planted his feet in place, tears flooding his eyes. It almost seemed like Aang was telling him how they had to support each other through their upcoming grief.

He was going to lose her. Damn, he had probably already lost her. She was gone and she would never know.

“Sokka? Are you okay?”

“I—” he hesitated, trying so hard not to cry he could feel his head throb. “I don’t—,” he swallowed harshly, but the lump in his throat didn’t go away, “I can’t lose her, Aang,” his voice cracked miserably and he gave up on holding back his heartache, letting the tears fall down his face. A sob wrecked his body and a hint of understanding went through Aang’s eyes, the smaller boy coming closer to hold his forearms.

“You’re not going to lose her, Sokka. Katara is going to fix it and she’ll be okay.”

“No, she won’t,” it was getting hard to breathe between his cries, but if felt better than pretending everything was okay, “she’s gone. And I—I think I’m in love with her, and she’ll never know. She’ll die and she’ll never know.”

“Sokka—”

“This is what happens every time I have feelings for someone. I lost Yue and now Y/N too.”

“Sokka, your feelings for Yue weren’t responsible for what happened to her. She told you not to be afraid of love, remember? I’m sure she is proud of you for moving on and falling in love with Y/N, and if we lose Y/N, your feelings will not be to blame either. But we won’t, okay? Katara is going to save her, I promise. She will be fine and you will be able to tell her how you feel. Do you understand?”

Sokka felt himself crumble in pain, another sob escaping his lips as Aang hugged him tightly. He cried loudly, holding onto his friend for dear life.

“Y/N will be okay, Sokka. She is strong and she would never leave us like that, okay? Never. I promise.”

------

When Y/N opened her eyes, it was already dark. A tent had been put up around her, but she noticed the cold night breeze even before she saw the starry sky. 

She took notice of the neat bandages covering her stab wound. There was a soreness to her every movement, but the searing pain from before was gone. She exhaled deeply and tried to sit but quickly gave up at the ache that formed in her ribs. Lying on the sand, she breathed slowly.

“Y/N?” she turned her head towards the direction of who was calling her and found Toph’s grey eyes. The small girl seemed tired, rubbing the sleep of her eyes and furrowing her eyebrows as she called again, “Y/N, are you awake? I thought I heard something.”

“Hey. I’m awake,” she smiled softly, moving her arm the tiniest bit just so she could touch her friend’s leg. 

Toph immediately gave her the biggest smile, jumping up from her spot sitting down to try and hug her friend carefully, “Never do that again, you idiot!” a weak chuckle escaped Y/N as she tried to hug back, but it hurt too much. Toph didn’t mind. “You got us all so worried! Aang went crazy trying to keep everyone calm, Katara cried a whole lot, and Sokka got so nervous he screamed at me. He apologized, though, so I’m not angry at him anymore,” Toph widened her eyes in realization, “I have to tell them you’re finally awake! Wait here, I’ll come back in a second. Try not to get stabbed in the meantime.”

Y/N giggled at her words, sighing as she found herself alone in the tent. For a second, she let herself wonder: she wouldn’t be up and about for a while, that much was obvious. However, Team Avatar couldn’t deal with that kind of liability and she asked herself what they were going to do about it.

Aang was the first to arrive, hugging her so tight Katara started screaming at him to be mindful of her injuries as soon as she reached the entrance. They spoke briefly about the gravity of her wound and Katara scolded her for not telling them she had been stabbed sooner while Aang and Toph bit back their laughter.

“Y/N?” Sokka’s hoarse voice was enough to make silence ring through the tent, the bags under his eyes dark and unmissable. Y/N met his blue eyes, her heart clenching painfully when she noticed the bare sadness inside them. 

Katara cleared her throat, grabbing Aang and Toph gently and steering them outside, “we’ll be handling the supplies if you need us!”

“What? I want to stay with Y/N!”

“Spirits, Toph, shut up.”

The Fire Nation girl smiled at the arguing outside, averting his trained gaze. An awkward quiet settled between them — Y/N didn’t know exactly why there was such a heaviness to the air they shared, but it was too clear to ignore.

“I—” he hesitated, a crack to his words as he closed his eyes tightly. “You really scared me today.”

Y/N tried to sit up, frowning from the pain. Sokka immediately knelt down next to her to help and it felt too much like the night he first woke her up from a nightmare, saying soft words and treating her nicely. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled, holding onto his forearms for support, “I didn’t exactly mean to.”

“I know,” he muttered in response, sitting down in front of her. She crossed her legs under her and they stared at each other for a few moments, thick tension surrounding them. She couldn’t help but notice how close they were to each other, so close she didn’t have to lean in too much for their lips to touch. Slowly and unsurely, Sokka brought his hand up to put a lock of hair away from her face. Her stomach fluttered at the touch and Y/N sighed happily. “I was just afraid.”

She blinked in soft confusion that made his insides bloom with butterflies, “afraid of what?”

“Of losing you.”

She smiled, “You know Katara would heal me, Sokka.”

“I care about you very much, Y/N,” the words stumbled out of his mouth while she stared, “more than I probably should, but I do. You,” he shook his head, hesitantly taking his hand away from her face and wiping the tears that had escaped his eyes, “you mean a lot to me.”

His heart seemed to burn while she took his hand in hers, squeezing it delicately, “you mean a lot to me too.”

He exhaled deeply, frustrated to no end. “No, Y/N. You don’t understand. I—damn, I don’t even know how to say this.”

“I get it.”

“You don’t. You have no idea how broken I was just by thinking of not having you around anymore. I was so scared. I thought I would never be able to tell you how I feel about you,” he let out a shaky breath before leading his eyes back to her face, “I really like you, Y/N.”

“I really like you too.”

He groaned, “no, Y/N. I mean that I like you.”

“Yes, I understood that much.”

“No, I mean I—” he was interrupted by her soft lips on his, moving so gently he was sure he could die from the sheer tenderness of it all. Sokka was fast to kiss her back, bringing his fingers up to hold her jaw while her hands went up to his hair, a sharp pain running through her body at the movement and making her hiss. He moved away instantly, but her arms held him close. Their noses were still touching and they breathed heavily, eyes trained on each other.

She smirked, “is that what you meant?”

He chuckled weakly, rubbing circles on her jaw fondly with his thumb, “yeah. You’re way better at confessions than I am.”

Y/N threw her head back in laughter and he grinned at her happiness, “why, thank you.”

The couple gazed at each other, eyes sparkling with love. She sighed before leaning in and giving him a quick peck, giggling when his lips followed her blindly as she distanced her face from his. Sleepiness was catching up to her from the exhaustion of being hurt.

“Come on, waterboy. Lay with me.”

Sokka helped her lay back down, lying beside her and feeling his cheeks flush with delight when she snuggled up to him, getting into a comfortable spot with her head placed on his chest. He carefully positioned his hands on her waist, stroking her side absentmindedly. Her eyes fluttered close with satisfaction.

“Did Katara ask about your scar?”

“Not really. I think she was too worried trying to save me from death and all that.”

“Oh, I’m sure she was.”

She grinned, moving to play with his hair and exhaling contently, “I’m glad you’re here.”

He tightened his hold around her, warmth coating his every touch, “so am I, firegirl. So am I.”

In that moment, Y/N cared for nothing but the way his skin felt on hers and the sound of his heart beating under her ear.

so I asked @azucanela​ @beifongsss​ and @sokkascroptop​ on anon if I could tag them when this was done and they said yes so here it is? please give me honest criticism I have no idea of what I’m doing and I admire you all very much thank you!!

[reidgraygubler]

hot cocoa and cuddles part two (spencer reid/reader)

Title:  hot cocoa & cuddles (part 2) Request: no Couple: Spencer Reid/Gender Neutral!Reader  Category: fluff Content Warning: swearing (if any), mentions of a case/s, mentions of illnesses, tbh idk what else to tag Word Count: 2,348 Summary: the team returns back to maryland/dc after the case in alaska. reader discovers they still can’t warm up, even after everything they do. spencer tries to help out, again A/N: the long awaited part 2 of hot cocoa and cuddles. this is for the people who want to read part two and those who were looking forward to it… o.o thanks for all the love and support! Check out my masterlist! 

part one

{***}{***}{***}

I pulled my sweater cardigan tighter around my body and shivered slightly. I pulled my hands away from my sweater and wrapped them around my hot mug, which was just hot tea. My eyes de-focused on the desktop in front of me. Anything Penelope and Aaron were saying went in one ear and out the other.

“You okay there, Honeybee?” Derek asked, looking over at me. I shivered and looked over at him. All eyes were on me as I tried to make myself not shake from my freezing-ness. “We’ve said your name like 6 times.”

“We’ve been home for 2 weeks and I am still freezing,” I spoke through clenched teeth. I wrapped my hands around my mug, which was slowly getting colder. “I have done literally everything to keep warm, and I’m still freezing.” I shook my head. 

“Maybe you should get a cat,” Emily spoke up. I looked over at her and furrowed my eyebrows. “Sergio keeps me pretty warm at night.” She smiled at me. I laughed lightly and shook my head.

“My apartment doesn’t allow pets,” I mumbled and stared at the table. I shrugged and shook my head. “I guess I just live in this constant state of forever being cold.” I frowned.

“Maybe you should get your blood check. You could have low iron,” Spencer spoke up, tapping his fingers on the tabletop. I looked over at him and shook my head. “Being cold can be a symptom of low iron… You could be anemic... hypothyroidism is always a possibility,” he continued on his ramble/.

“Hey, Spence?" I asked as I looked at him, my hands wrapping tighter around my mug, which at this point was starting to get lukewarm. 

“Yeah." He looked over at me with a smile. 

“I don’t think I need you to tell me of my impending doom because I’m cold. I went to Alaska, not a hospital filled with a bunch of sickly people,” I whispered. Spencer lifted his finger to retort but failed when I shot him a glare. 

“Get a boyfriend.” JJ smiled at me. I looked at her, trying to hide my smile but clearly failing. “Like your own personal space heater in bed. Body heat is a wonderful thing,” she mused as she flipped her file open. I shook my head as I glanced at Spencer. 

“Yeah, I’ll look into getting a boyfriend or my own personal space heater. Although, I’m not entirely sure if my apartment will allow those,” I pouted. JJ laughed and shook her head.

“Hey, Honeybee, I’m always free if you need a personal space heater.” Derek smirked at me. I laughed harder than I should have and looked at him.

“You seriously expect me to sleep in the same bed as you, Derek Morgan?” I cackled and shook my head. Spencer shifted in his seat and kept his eyes down on the file in front of him. 

“You shared a bed with Pretty Boy over there.” Derek nodded to my friend beside me. I tensed up slightly and glared at him.

“Better him than you, to be honest.” I flashed him a teasing smile. 

“Guys, let’s get back on the task at hand. Garcia,” Aaron spoke up as he looked back at Penelope. I stifled my laughter as I looked back at Derek. He grumbled something under his breath as he looked back at his file. 

{***}{***}{***}

I swear my heater was up so high (or as high as my bill would allow), I had my fluffiest and coziest pair of socks on, and at least 3 different sized hoodies on… The Alaska case was several weeks ago, I’ve been home ever since then… So why am I as cold as I am? And why can’t I warm up? Maybe I should take Derek up on his offer. Though, I think that’d be a whole new line I’d cross. Hard pass, thank you very much.

I should be asleep right now. 1:30 in the morning and I was sitting in bed with a hot water bottle pressed to my body. Something is wrong and I don’t know what. Crap, what if Spencer was right? What if I do have low iron or anemia? Or that hydro… Hypothyroidism, whatever that could be… I should ask him what that means. I wonder if he would be willing to be my personal space heater again. I mean, I know I kept him warm every bit as he kept me warm when we were in Alaska. And, he knows I’ve been cold. Listen, I’m just trying to rationalize wanting to cuddle Spencer Reid. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t stopped thinking about that. And, I wouldn’t be upset if it happened again.

“Screw this,” I muttered as I climbed out of bed with a blanket around my body. I shook my head as I muttered profanities under my breath. My body shook as I walked towards the front door of my apartment. I slipped my shoes on and left the house, freezing as I left my warm home. 

And then I found myself standing just outside of Spencer’s apartment. Better him over Derek, I kept repeating to myself. I have a better relationship with him than Derek. Derek is more of an older brother to me. Spencer... I don’t know what he is to me. But he definitely isn't an older brother...

“Just… knock,” I whispered as I brought my fist to the door. It’s nearly two in the morning. I hope he wasn’t asleep. Although, knowing Spencer he was probably awake, reading over some old files. 

“What… What are you doing here?” Spencer’s voice pulled me from my thoughts. I blinked before staring at him. He was wearing a black t-shirt and red and black checkered pj pants. Though his hair was messy and disheveled, he was definitely not asleep.  

“Just… Just coming to see how you’re doing,” I lied and shrugged. Spencer looked at me, raising an eyebrow. It was clear he wasn’t so sure of my answer. But to be fair, I wasn’t sure about my answer either.

“What’s really going on?” he asked, stepping to the side, silently inviting me in. I looked around his apartment and took a deep breath. His home always smelled like cinnamon and spice. I probably enjoyed it too much. Although, it made me feel warm… Which I was okay with. Answering Spencer’s question didn’t even cross my mind until I turned back and looked at him. “Is everything okay?” he asked again once I was facing him. I took a deep breath as I tugged on the ends of my sleeves.

“Uh, I was just… I was just thinking about the Alaska trip.” I wrinkled my nose as I looked anywhere but Spencer’s face. I was only mildly embarrassed that I was here… asking Spencer if he would want to cuddle with me… because I’m so cold. Man, I’m happy Spencer isn’t the teasing type. Not that he’d tease me about this. I know that anyone else would though… 

“What about the Alaska trip?” Spencer looked at me, his tone telling me he was very wary about my statement. I looked at the ground and shrugged.

“Just something you said, I guess,” I started as I looked at him, “Well, something you said earlier today,” I shrugged as I looked back down at the ground. I really wanted my blanket and hot water bottle. Even though I was warmer in his apartment, I was still cold. “Could I really be sick? Is that why I’m so cold?” I asked, folding my arms over my chest as I looked back at him. A shiver worked its way down my body and all the way to the tips of my toes and fingers. 

“Come on, I’m gonna make you hot chocolate, and then we’re gonna go lay in my bed, under the covers.” He held a hand out for me to take. I stared at it for a moment before carefully resting my hand in his. He clasped his fingers around mine before leading me to his kitchen.

“You didn’t answer my questions, Spencer. You know more than anyone that avoiding a question means your keeping something from someone.” I watched as he made two large mugs of hot cocoa.  

He still didn’t answer my questions as we walked towards his bedroom. And, in fact, he was silent up until I was sitting beside him on the bed, holding my mug of hot chocolate close to my body. Even though I was now in a warmer home, with a hot drink, several blankets, and the warmest person I know (despite his sometimes icy hands), I was still very cold. So, I looked over at him, watching as he flipped through the pages of his book.

“Are you going to answer my questions?” I asked, reaching over and placing my mug on the side table. Spencer looked over at me with a raised brow, slightly closing his book. “Am I actually dying?” I asked, feeling a certain fear grow in my tone. 

“You’re not dying,” he said as he folded the corner of the page in his book before closing it. I watched as he set it on his side table. 

“You don’t sound very convincing.” I shrugged, pulling one of my several blankets tighter around me. Spencer looked over at me and raised an eyebrow. He carefully gestured for me to move closer to him, and when I hesitated, he pulled me closer to him.

“You’re not dying. You’re not sick. You’re just cold. Everyone knows you’re probably the one who gets cold the most. Even when we were in Florida, you were cold,” Spencer said as he kept his arms around my body, holding me close to his. His body temperature was definitely warming me up, just like it had a few weeks prior.

“Hey! That’s because the stupid officers had the A/C on 65! It was freezing!” I moved away from him and looked at his face. I could feel a giggly smile grow on my face as I kept my eyes on him. “You giving me your sweater was like a gift from God.” I looked down at him. 

“I think that’s the fourth sweater that’s gone missing?” He copied my smile before laughing. I looked away from him, trying to play innocent. “And the only common denominator is you.” Spencer poked my nose before he pulled me back closer to him. I rolled my eyes before curling back into his side. The goosebumps that were once on my arms and exposed skin, were now fading away the longer I stayed beside Spencer.

“If it makes you feel any better, they were quite warm.” I smiled. I left out the part that I enjoyed that they smelled like him. “And, I’ll return them washed,” I added, again leaving out that I’ll be sad that they won’t hold his scent. 

“If they weren’t my favorite sweaters, I would say keep them. But I’m rather fond of two of those.” Spencer looked down at me with a warm smile. I laughed.

“Thanks for letting me in. I know it’s late. I promise I won’t make this a habit,” I laughed as I looked out onto the blankets in front of me. Part of me wondered what temperature Spencer had his furnace on, and how it was so warm. Mostly because my furnace was on pretty high and it was still like an icebox in my apartment. 

“It’s okay, really. You should work on getting a portable heater for your house and desk just so they warm up faster,” Spencer suggested.

I almost, very nearly, said “But then that’d mean I can’t come over anymore,” But I didn’t. So, I just stayed silent.

“Like Garcia said, your own personal space heater,” Spencer laughed. Though, I cringed, remembering what Derek had said.

“Yeah? Or I could just get a Derek Morgan.”

“Who would want him as a boyfriend,” he scoffed, sounding mildly hurt with my joke. I looked up at him with furrowed brows before sitting upright. 

“I never said I wanted him as my boyfriend. I was joking that he said he could be my space heater or a boyfriend. I was saying… What I meant was I could get a boyfriend instead. Because, you know…. Cuddling is a good way to-” 

“What if it was me,” he asked, cutting me off so swiftly. I had to look at him to make sure he actually said what he said, because he was so quiet and he said it so fast, I almost wasn’t sure.

“You want…” I furrowed my eyebrows, again, as I stared at him. Spencer was looking down at the blankets, probably wondering to himself if he actually said what he said. “Spencer, if you wanted to ask me out all you had to do was ask.” Okay, I was definitely warming up a lot faster now, feeling my blood rush from a sudden secondhand embarrassment that I didn’t really want to feel.

“It’s a lot more than that,” he muttered as he looked at me. I furrowed my eyebrows before reaching a hand up to his face. I carefully guided him so he was looking right at me. 

“It really isn’t… Like, ask me a question, any question.” I smiled, feeling my fingertips warm up under the warmth of his skin.

“Can I kiss you,” he asked, his voice very soft. I smiled before nodding, feeling a newfound excitement flood my body. Spencer lifted his hands and cupped my face, warming my cheeks instantly, before leaning closer to me. 

As his lips connected with mine, I finally felt warm for the first time in weeks. His arms holding me close to his body, like he became my own personal space heater, again. I could sense that he knew I was warming up because when he pulled away from me and looked down at me, he was smiling.

“I’d be okay if I made a habit of this.” Spencer nodded as he carefully ran a hand through my hair. I couldn’t help but laugh again.

“Good.” I smiled before pressing my lips to his for a moment, “Because I could too.”

if you want to be a part of a taglist or have any comments about this one shot, let me know here

[kissjane]

hii, maybe you could write enemies to lovers for davenzi? or whatever you feel like tbh, i’d read anything you write

i hope you feel better soon <33

Okay then!

I’m still not really a 100%, but we’re getting there!

It was just a sign of David’s never-ending bad luck that he got paired up with Matteo Florenzi. He hadn’t even wanted to come today, but Laura had chased him off the couch by throwing the empty tubs of ice cream he’d been eating non-stop since Marcus broke up with him to his head. And usually a meeting of his university’s film club cheered him up.

But of course, today of all days, they weren’t just going to watch a movie and then discuss it. No, in their wisdom, today’s organizers had decided to do something different, “because we’ve got so many new members, guys, so it’d be cool to get to know each other!”. And then, obviously, they’d had to do some random pairing up which ended with him being forced to discuss a whole bunch of stupid questions – Who is your favourite director? Really? How was he supposed to limit it to one, or even fifty? – with fucking Florenzi.

In all honesty, as long as Florenzi wasn’t anywhere near David, he seemed pretty much okay. He was quiet and thoughtful and he was friendly towards everybody, smiling a lot – but whenever he caught sight of David, his smile would morph into a horrible glare.

David sighed as Florenzi shuffled closer, and sat down heavily in the chair next to David.

“Right,” he mumbled, not looking at David, “let’s get this over with.” He consulted the page he had crumpled in his fist, to see which question he’d ask first. “Okay, so who’s your favourite director, then?”

Of course, that was the question he had to pick. David could launch into a monologue taking up the whole twenty minutes they were supposed to do this for, but Florenzi would no doubt accuse him of not giving him a chance to speak. So he pondered, thought carefully, weighed the whole catalogue of people like Tarantino and Spielberg versus the inspired single moment of geniality of Hugh Hudson or Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck, considered just going for Jim Jarmusch because Only Lovers Left Alive still was one of his favourite films ever made, and –

“You know,” Florenzi cut into his thoughts with a sneer, “I don’t really want to do this, either, but you could just say it if you’re gonna be an ass for the whole twenty minutes, so I can go out and text Jonas until this whole thing is over.”

“No, I – a” David tried to defend himself, but Florenzi’s eyes were so cold and his lips pinched shut so harshly, he felt it would be useless. And it was even more painful to consider that the same eyes shone like the ocean in moonlight whenever Florenzi was with somebody else, and that his mouth looked eminently kissable when he smiled – something David has only ever witnessed from across the room.

“You know what? Nevermind. Go text Jonas, for all I care. You can hate me all you like.”

“Sexist assholes who defend harassment deserve to be hated,” Florenzi mumbled as he dug out his phone, and that – well, that was uncalled for, surely.

“What?” David hissed. “What did you just call me?”

“If the shoe fits,” Matteo shrugged, not even looking up from his phone, and that did it.

David grabbed the plastic rectangle and bend over to Florenzi, when he shrieked to give it back to him.

“The shoe fucking definitely doesn’t fit, and you will take that back!”

Matteo still looked unimpressed.

“Oh, it doesn’t, does it? You don’t have to pretend. I heard you, loud and clear, on that party we went to with this club when I first joined.”

David thought about it. Matteo had only joined a few months ago, and after the second or third meeting he’d attended, the whole group had decided to go to some party. It had been held by some rich kids some of the members knew, and there had been loads and loads of liquor. David couldn’t really drink because of his meds, but a lot of their group hadn’t been used to strong drinks and there’d been way too many drunk people to keep track of.

“What are you talking about?” he gritted out to Matteo, who was now looking downright angry.

“You don’t even remember? You don’t even remember how some asshole drugged Hanna” – he waved to where his friend was sitting, talking animatedly to another girl – “and tried to drag her upstairs with him? You don’t remember laughing about it while I was trying to comfort Hanna, telling him that drunk girls aren’t worth it anyway and how she would regret blowing her chance?”

“What the fuck? I never said that! I would never – that’s just wrong, Florenzi, I’m not –”

Florenzi just raised an eyebrow.

“You must have misheard! Or it was somebody else! Or you were a bit out of it yourself!”

“I was sober as fuck, asshole. I hardly ever drink because – because I struggle with some stuff you don’t need to know, because you are a prick who preys on helpless girls!”

“I don’t! Fuck! You’ll take that back!”

He was aware he was almost yelling now, and some other groups were looking at them irritated and hushing them.

“Do you want me to go and ask Hanna?” Florenzi whispered, clearly not willing to let things go, and – David stopped to reconsider. Florenzi was obviously very certain of himself, if he was willing to go get witnesses.

“Who was the other guy, then?” he asked, and Florenzi’s face changed into something victorious.

“So you admit it then? I don’t know the other dude, but you better keep him away from me, because I owe him a punch in the face for what he did.”

David racked his thoughts about that party. They’d gone to the house of a mate of a mate of somebody, and David had felt out of place. He didn’t even really talk to anybody – except for some guy David hadn’t even known, but who’d looked pretty handsome in ripped jeans and a leather jacket. They’d hung out by the stairs for a bit, David wondering if he should flirt a little, when the guy had started telling him about how his girlfriend had gotten drunk and kissed some other guy right in front of him. David had laughed easily with him, telling him she probably had been too drunk to think straight and she’d feel sorry about her actions when she sobered up – oh. Wait.

“That’s not what I was talking about! He told me his girlfriend had drunkenly cheated on him! That’s why I was saying it probably didn’t mean anything if she was drunk and that she would regret it later!”

Florenzi wanted to retort, but he bit his lip instead, thinking things over.

“I promise you, Matteo, I would never approve of harassing anybody, drunk or not! Or trying to drug them, or whatever! I didn’t know that was what was going on, or I would have punched him myself, I swear.”

Florenzi hummed.

“You really didn’t know? About him harassing Hanna?”

“I didn’t!” David pleaded. “I would never, Matteo. You can ask anybody.”

“Hmmm, okay, maybe,” Florenzi hesitated. “Hanna said you weren’t like that, but she didn’t hear you that night. I just thought everybody was too blinded by your smile to see your true colours, but maybe –”

“I don’t really think people are blinded by my smile, anyway,” David said when Matteo cut himself off to consider.

“Yeah, right,” Matteo murmured again, and – was that a blush?

David suddenly felt very hot.

“I wouldn’t mind it, though,” he whispered, watching Matteo intently. “I mean, if people were. Some people at least. Especially pretty boys with blue eyes.”

Matteo looked up sharply, and it was definitely a blush on those pale cheeks.

David wanted to say something else, find out if this could lead somewhere –

“Okay, guys, thanks for playing along!”, a female voice cut in. “Let’s go next door to actually watch a movie, now!”

There was shuffling and creaking of chairs and footsteps and lots of talking and laughing, but Matteo didn’t move, and David didn’t want to, as long as Matteo didn’t.

“Do you – we can sit together during the movie?” Matteo then finally asked, his eyes warm but unsure.

“Yes,” David replied before Matteo finished the question, and he stood up, reaching out a hand to Matteo to pull him up too.

Matteo grabbed it, and they went into the dark hall together.

[derireo]

I've had this in my head for a while, so I'm just gonna ask, from the winter troupe, who do you think are ummmm v i r g i n s (oh God I can't believe I am even asking this sorry omg) if you would like, you can also do the other troupes, i dunno why but I find it interesting in a way (obviously not muku or yuki if you decide to, and also, if you feel uncomfortable with this ask feel free to ignore it! you are the writer after all! take care!❤️❤️

np, anon! to those wondering, very strictly i will not include members who are 17 and under in the game here so please be mindful of that if you do not see a member you like in this post

All Troupes (no members 17 & under): Virgins?

SPRING

Sakuya

Definitely a virgin

You think he's ever held hands with someone in a romantic way??? He can't even ask someone out without quickly changing his mind before going back to ask again. Maybe when he's older and gets out of his cute baby thing, he'll get to bone, but not now. Maybe not ever? Keep him celibate.

Itaru

Definitely not a virgin.

He probably got tired of rejecting people's advances at some point and just cooly agreed to spend the night a few times. Very likely that he barely did any of the work, but still got them to orgasm; he's crazy good for no reason. Definitely really likes being the one receiving, but he's different around you though, and actually makes an effort lol

Tsuzuru

50/50. I have no idea. Most likely a virgin though.

He literally has like 3 younger brothers and juggled a lot of part time jobs along with school; I don't think he has ever had the time of day to pop a boner. His mind is so preoccupied with getting tasks done and finishing upcoming assignments that he's gonna be a virgin for a long while.

Citron

Literally no clue. Maybe not a virgin?

He's 22, and a lot of people tend to lose their virginity in their twenties so who knows with Citron?? He's awfully good at flirting with others and knows how to fluster people, but does he know how to Get Down & Dirty????? Again, no clue. Maybe he bones so well that his victims can't even say anything about it.

SUMMER

Kazunari

Not a virgin probs

Despite how well he socialises with other people, he's not one to just casually have a fling. He does think of other's feelings and how they feel about him, but it's rare for him to take initiative with someone he's interested in. Otherwise if it's the other way around, but he isn't attracted to the person that's coming onto him, he'll refuse and scurry off.

Misumi

Definitely a virgin!

He literally only thinks about triangles and food, there is no chance that he's had sex yet. Maybe if he had a character in the play that required him to be a playboy or something' he'll absolutely fool people into thinking he's been around, but his sunshine personality and tunnel vision towards certain things prevents him from having fun. Don't think he's interested in sex, really.

AUTUMN

Banri

VIRGIN

Mr. Tough Guy over here tries hard to let people know he's been around. Totally, not true. He always brags about having more girls liking him than Juza, and it may be true (since he doesn't seem as terrifying as him), but he has never gone that far with a girl. Sure, he has dated A LOT, has had plenty of girls sit in his lap and has definitely had his fair share of kisses, but he's a virgin. He dumps a girl before he even has the thought of boning.

Juza

VIRGIN

Absolutely no way could he have ever had sex. He's so self-deprecating sometimes, so that's one reason why he hasn't gotten that far with girls, plus he really loves sweets and food so that's probably the only thing occupying his mind. He hasn't even been in a relationship yet because he gets nervous around the people he likes and probably thinks he's not even worth dating anyway. He's probably a good boy though and will wait after marriage.

Omi

Surprisingly not a virgin

Shocking? Not to me, honestly, lol. Again, Omi is a people pleaser, and remember that phase in his life where he was a super tough guy ass kicker??? And rode motorcycles (from what I can remember)??? Of course this man is gonna be a chick magnet, and Of Course I am willing to let him choke me. So, yeah, he's probably fucked once or twice during that time in his life, but once he got into Mankai, abstinate.

Sakyo

Not a virgin, but he'll definitely fool you into thinking he is.

What do I mean? Why, I'll tell ya. He's got a stick so far up his ass sometimes that you can't help but wonder if he's sexually deprived. Like 31 years without getting your dick wet? Absolutely tragic. Anyways, nah, he definitely has a body count higher than 3. May have been quick flings considering he used to work a shady job and got high off the thrill, but he only focuses on Mankai now.

WINTER

Homare

Maybe

He did have a girlfriend at some point, but I don't know how far he would have gotten with her. It seemed like she was so annoyed with him and his lack of emotion that they probably didn't get too far. He is quite the notorious poet though, so maybe he used to have a few groupies??? Is that possible??? Do u think Rupi Kaur has groupies???

Hisoka

. . . Maybe

With his vague storyline about being a spy prior to his amnesia, the only reason I can give for him not being a virgin is solely because he had to have sex for a mission. Like how James Bond has sex with the enemy or something and then gets all the intel of the evil organisation he has to go against (never watched any of the movies). Otherwise, he's a virgin in his life as Hisoka.

Tasuku

VIRGIN

Doesn't care about men or women; too preoccupied with working out and acting that his dick never gets pulled out by someone else. Sure, maybe he'll tug one out because his body demands him to, but he never really was interested in relationships nor does he seem to be someone who finds physical attraction important.

Tsumugi

VIRGIN

Also focuses way too much on acting and working that he doesn't get the chance to. He was in a relationship before if I recall correctly, but he probably didn't have enough time for them considering he was so busy. He has also probably tugged a few out, but only because his body required him to do so. I'm not sure how he feels about sex tbh?

Azuma

NOPE

You can't tell me he's a virgin, it's just not possible. We don't even know this man's age!!!! He's probably a vampire!!!! He's probably been fucking for centuries!!!! And have you seen how well he can flirt? Super crazy. Pretty sure he's a sadist as well with how he always says he likes to be the one playing, plus he always manages to lure out the worst of the boys just for his amusement. Body Count: Out the Roof

[yourpakichic]

Episode 19 thoughts

- I love the boys vs. girls scenes! The similarly layered conversations that occur are an absolute delite to watch!

- Engin making Serkan PANIC over Eda finding another man! Like he really didn’t think so until at this point! But also, Melo trying to make her eniste really panic!

- Selin really trying to play house with Serkan.... *eye roll*

- Their individual monologues caused me pain. They want each other so bad. To only be each other’s. To only look and smile at each other. And yet, those words only remain in their hearts, unable to find escape into this world, held back by the circumstances they are currently entangled in. As true and bright as the day but hidden in the darkness of the night deep within their hearts.

- AIDAN PLAYING CUPID FOR EDSER? I begged for this and I’m actually receiving it? I’m shook.

- Ferit suspecting Efe? I was taken back by it, didn’t see that coming!

- KIDS IN LOVE, they are literal children in love! Their sarcastic responses give me life!

- The tension at that breakfast table would cause me so much anxiety!

- HE CUT THE BREAD FOR HER OUT OF HABIT....I literally can’t deal with them! They cause me too much pain!

- He’s gonna name that horse Eda. I just know it. And I’m gonna fall to pieces.

- My heart broke for Aidan after listening to the story. Her guilt toward the loss of her elder son was so strong and powerful that it caged her in her home. A mother’s pain is incomparable. It’s understandable how Aidan may have blamed herself for being missing in her son’s life and why she tries to be involved in Serkan’s. She wants to be involved and stay connected with her Serkan in a way she wasn’t able to for his brother. But by sending Serkan away at a young age by himself, she distanced herself from him. It’s not his fault he doesn’t trust anyone because the two people who he was supposed to trust in life abandoned him in trying to deal with their own pain while neglecting his needs. I’m not blaming Aidan/Alptekin because it’s his easy to judge from the outside. It’s such a deep and realistic way that these characters represent the dynamics and struggles of a traumatic event and the aftermath. Serkan’s inability to trust and fear of abandonment is real and justified based on his past. Aidan’s fear of leaving the house is justified due to the circumstances in which Alp died. Alptekin’s strictness toward Serkan can be explained by the fact that he lost his elder son (who he clearly named after himself) due to an illness and he fears he might lose Serkan too. Which also makes me think, did Serkan really have an illness in the past? I means he’s a bit of a hypochondriac but I’m thinking maybe just because of his brothers illness, Serkan got conditioned to thinking and living a certain healthy way to protect himself.

- I’m glad Aidan told Eda this because I think it might make Eda open her eyes a bit more. I’m not expecting Eda to forgive and forget but I think it might explain to her why Serkan is the way he is.

- If you ask me, Serkan was pretty fair in asking Efe to claim his mistake in front of the team. Serkan built and has lead this team to such a great standard and Efe ruined that in minutes. They rightfully deserved an apology. And Engin being pissed and backing up Serkan as the BEST FRIEND HE IS.

- Serkan being honest about his feelings and wanting to improve things with Eda was such a good thing to see. It may have taken him some time to get there but I’m glad that he’s come to terms with the fact that he can’t be without her. More so, he doesn’t want her to be with anyone else. Serkan is hopeful about their relationship and I think that’s the first time since their breakup. He isn’t trying to convince himself or anyone that they are over with completely. And I think what Engin said really resonated with him. If they can overcome the truth, it’s true love. If not, it’s over.

- His seriousness went out the window as soon as he realized the flowers were for Eda, HAHAHAH! He said burn the flowers! He’s such an idiot

- HE REALLY DRAGGED HER FROM THE CHAIR, I’M DEAD! freaking children behavior!

- Serkan is really trying to keep the truth from reaching Eda from anyone but him but everything really seems to be going against him! Let me tell you, my heart broke when Serkan mentioned his fathers mistake taking away Eda from him. He cannot catch a break!

- Aidan burning Alptekin’s clothes was so funny!

- Why is Selin trying to dig! Let my man Serkan handle this!

- Efe doesn’t know.... did I read that scene right?

- He’s gonna record their conversation! EFE, YOU SNAKE!

- SO IT IS THE GRANDMOTHER AMD SHE DID SENT EFE FOR REVENGE. But it seems like she wasn’t sure but sent Efe to investigate. She’s gonna use that recording to kill Serkan’s career! IT IS GOING TO BE NON-STOP DRAMA.

- Eda making Serkan jealous like that was hilarious! She really created a whole jealousy scene with that man!

- Eda and Aidan play off each other so well at this dinner, it’s hilarious! The way they are setting these ladies straight!

- The way his eyes lit up when she said she’s in love with him still! It’s like he can’t actually believe that! Idk but I found it weird how Eda didn’t want to even listen to Serkan as he tried to talk to her. I mean up until now, all she’s wanted is for him to talk and open up and now that he’s spent the whole day trying to do so, she just ignored his calls or runs away when the opportunity is there. It’s so not like Eda! I get that she’s given him chances before and he’s missed them and she probably doesn’t want to waste any more time giving him empty chances but I feel like Eda used to understand Serkan’s tone and words but it’s like... she just doesn’t recognize in his tone how much he really wants to talk to her. It seems like a character downplay to me for Eda.

- I’m not that invested in Ferit/Ceren, but that was cute, mostly because I want Ceren to be happy! But I swear, this whole Selin/Ferit crap ruins everything! My girl Ceren deserves better!

- He loves her so much, he’s just playing along with her! He’s so in love with her!he really just said have fun, but don’t dance with anyone! And THAT CONFESSION. He said everything with his whole chest. And she didn’t hear! They will be the death of me!

- He took the bottle! Lol bruh, you gonna need at least 2 bottles to get over this mess!

- Selin really trying to come on to Serkan while he’s drunk and he just straight up says, I need Eda. How does she not get the message!

- YES CEREN! YOU TELL HIM GIRL! I mean for real, what did he expect! But I will say I appreciate that Ferit was honest and didn’t lead Ceren on any further and just came out with it.

- HE IS SO DRUNK, I LOVE IT! Eda is fascinated by his drunk state, he’s so cute, she can’t help but melt! That was such a cute way of involving the title of the show! And that scene is sooo cute!

- Her carrying him up the stairs and complaining that he’s heavy. Him being wasted out of his mind and saying off the wall stuff. I LIVED FOR THIS SCENE. PURE COMDEY. PURE EDSER. I WANT MORE.

- THE SHOWER SCENE. That’s it? That’s all we get? I’M SOOO PISSED! The trailer made it seem like such a scene and then they give us this? The frack? That is unacceptable! That was such a wasted opportunity! THEY WOULD’VE KILLED THAT SCENE! AND HONESTLY IT WOULD’VE SAVED THE EPISODE! Ughhhhhhhhhh

- AHHHH SHIT! She got her hands on Eda’s family, that’s it. It’s over.

- See what I mean. Somehow, Eda didn’t understand Serkan. Serkan never really had a good way of putting with words but Eda understood and didn’t completely twist it around. I honestly think Eda’s jealousy of Selin really makes her so paranoid that she’s able to twist around to justify her insecurity in regards to Selin. Which I just don’t get. I mean Eda did have that kind of dynamic with Selin but she was never super jealous or anything. She always had a way fighting back against Selin and still being confident. I just can’t seem to understand where all of the sudden, it’s turned into this.

- It’s out. The secret is out. But definitely not how it should have been. It should not have been from Selin. Selin seems remorseful about it but I don’t buy it. And Serkan looks like his whole world just shattered. And bless Eda. She’s about to really go through it. The last scene was sooooo well acted! I loved the tension, the angst, the anger!

- One thing that I really need to see happen is Eda/Serkan working on their communication skills. Because they suck at it. They are both indirect and never really say what they want and mean straight up. Since the beginning both of them expect each other to understand with signs or by indirect words and it was cute at first but now it’s annoying. Like two people in love should be able to tell each other anything and SHOULD tell each other everything as it is, free from judgement. I don’t want an argument and then they make up in one of their houses. I want them to talk out their issues, their perspectives! Because both of them have quite opposite views and beliefs so it’s very important for them to say everything out loud to each other. Otherwise, their chemistry and relationship is just gonna be for a show and not hold real value and show and realistic aspect to it.

Overall: A really good episode even though some parts did feel lagged. So the big explosion (one of them) has happened. Now we wait to see the aftermath. Honestly at first I used to think that I would know how certain characters would react but now I don’t know. It’s not easy to say where they will take the characters or the storyline so we’ll see! Tbh, Hande and Kerem are really carrying this show with their scenes and acting so I would love to see them get justice with their scenes! The show at some parts feels like random and misplaced but it’s still enjoyable! Like there’s no need for all these side character storylines right now, like give Eda/Serkan their full scenes in full cut and let it play out! Once everything is more wrapped up, you can add the side storylines! It’s still an enjoyable and fun show and definitely makes me laugh and keep me on the edge of my seat but there’s just some moments when the magic seems missing!

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Speak No Evil (Part 35) - V2

So this first chapter of version 2 (V2), the TyZula path, is sort of going to be a repeat of chapter 18 with some altercations to fit the next storyline. Tbh I kind of recommend re-reading the chapters prior to it, that’s what I had to do lol.

The sun had begun to filter through the windows hours ago, spilling a pleasant and cheek-warming wash of gold over the upturned side of her face. But she remains in bed, head sunken into pillows that are so invitingly plush. 

She supposes that she has earned, or at the very least, could use a day spent in bed. Or mostly spent in bed. There can’t be much harm in it, she and Zuko had come to Ember Island to relax. She has simply decided to take advantage of this rather late. She rolls onto her back and exhales. Her ankles are still throbbing lightly. 

She stretches her arms and tries to prepare herself to fully wake up and rise out of bed. She could use breakfast, though at this point, it is lunchtime. She lingers for a moment in the hallway in front of the kitchen. Seicho is already awake, she probably has been for some time now. 

“You don’t have to cook for me, you already did so much…” she hears Zuko mutter. 

Seicho shrugs. “I like cooking, it’s a hobby.” She clearly has a lot of those, hiking, fishing, botany...it seems as though she has a new hobby for every day and she had spent a good portion of their trip going on and on about said hobbies. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Completely.” Seicho flashes him a grin. “But if you’d like, I can show you how to perfectly cook and season a lobster!” She inhales deeply. “It already smells wonderful. The trip was fun but it’s nice to have a full kitchen of cooking supplies!”

Azula supposes that it does smell nice, especially when she adds a touch of rosemary and a sprinkle of parsley. The woman catches her eye. “You’re finally awake!”

‘More or less.’ Azula spells out. She rubs at her eyes

“Are you feeling any better?” Zuko asks.

She holds up her hands and gestures, ‘a little’. 

“Good. Believe it or not, I was worried.” He pauses, “I’m still worried.”

 She wonders if Seicho has told him yet of how furiously she tried to hike up that volcano. Agni, she hopes that the woman hasn’t shared anything while she was asleep. She’d much rather tell him herself, if at all. ‘Why?’

“You weren’t doing too good when you left and you came back covered in cuts and...swollen ankles.”

She shrugs, ‘I’m fine.’

She can tell that Seicho is itching to speak up. She finds herself flooded with relief. Seicho holds her tongue. She wonders how long the girl with keep holding her tongue. 

‘Really. I’m fine.’ And she thinks that she is telling the truth. She doesn’t feel particularly good nor hopeful. But she doesn’t feel naggingly miserable either. Her mind is still troubled with the task of working out how to approach TyLee should they see each other again. 

They will see each other again, she promises herself this.

 .oOo.

TyLee bunches her fists and takes a deep breath. She isn’t yet ready, but she is as ready as she can and will be. Regardless of her hesitations, she needs to do this. She needs to if she ever wants to bring her journey one step closer to full closure. 

She finds Mai outside of her aunt Mura’s flower shop, pruning leaves and ruffled petals. Zuko hadn’t expelled her from the palace, as far as TyLee knows but TyLee also can’t imagine that Mai would feel particularly welcomed there. 

She takes another, much deeper breath. Agni, her hands are shaking. She isn’t sure how in the name of the spirits she is going to confront Azula. She thinks of Tuya and of the rest of her expedition mates. She thinks of the words ‘clever’ and ‘innovative’. She isn’t just ‘sweet’ and ‘cute’ anymore. 

She isn’t just some bubbly, naive child.

Well perhaps she is still bubbly and chipper but she is smart. She is strong and resilient. She can hold her own. 

She will hold her own.

“Hello, Mai.”

Mai looks up from her flowers as nonchalant and unexpressive as she always has been. Maybe she could use a venture away from the Fire Nation too. Maybe everyone can use a vacation from the Fire Nation. “How was your trip to…”

“The poles.” TyLee finishes. “It was amazing. Mai you should have seen it, it was glittery and enticing and it was like the Spirit World covered our world in stars…” she is rambling again. That stupid perky rambling. “And I learned a lot about myself.”

Mai quirks a brow. “Good things?”

TyLee nods. “Yes. A lot of good things.” She pauses. “And I thought about a lot too.”

“Like what?”

“Like about how I let everyone take advantage of me. Not just Azula but Zuko did it, you did it, and even Suki did it sometimes.”

Mai opens her mouth to interrupt but she won’t stand for interjection, not this time. “I don’t even think that you guys meant to do it. Azula, sure. But not Zuko and Suki. Sometimes I think that it just happened naturally. Because I let it happen. Because I couldn’t say no.”

“You didn’t mention me…”

“Because I’m not sure about you, Mai.” She confesses. “I’ve thought about it over and over again and I still can’t tell if you actually cared about me--if you actually loved me or if you were just trying to spite Azula and Zuko.” She wonders if Mai is even sure herself. Quite possibly she thinks that Mai had been killing two iguana-parrots with one stone. 

“What if I told you that it was a mix of both?”

TyLee is quiet for perhaps longer than she has ever held a silence. The question has so much weight, so many nuances to consider. “Then I would say that it still isn’t okay. I don’t want to be part of some scheme. I didn’t distance myself from Azula to become your pawn instead.”

“You weren’t just a pawn…” Mai trails off.

“I was a pawn with perks.”

Mai shakes her head, “I loved you. For real.”

“So did Azula.” TyLee points out. “But I was still a pawn. I was still being used. Don’t you think it’s a little strange that you were trying to get back at Azula by doing the exact same things she did?”

“Why are you defending her?”

And there it is; the trap that they always set for her. She almost didn’t catch it. “I’m not. Actually…” it dawns upon her,  “I think it’s the opposite. I’m telling you that what she did, how she used me, was wrong. And I’m saying that it doesn’t become less wrong when you do it.” She bites her lip, weary of what she is about to say. She thinks that she may have already scratched at the surface of this nagging itch in her head. “If anything it’s worse when you do it.”

For the first time in a while, Mai looks genuinely angry. Her brows crinkle and her mouth curves down ever so slightly. “How so?”

“Because you think that you’re doing it for the greater good. And you pretended like you weren’t doing it. At least Azula was trying to stop and even if she wasn’t, at least she was up front about it…”  The problem with Azula, she realizes, is habit. Habit and constant apologies with no great efforts to make a change. 

“What do you want from me, TyLee?”

“I want you to admit it. I want you to acknowledge that you were using me.” She wants clear cut confirmation that she isn’t seeing things that aren’t there. That she isn’t making an issue of nothing at all. She needs to know. “I need you to see that it...it really messed with me, Mai. To have so many people--to have the people I loved the most use me over and over again.” She attempts to blink away a few tears.

Mai’s expression softens and she rubs her hands over her face. “I did it okay. I loved you but I used you. I was mad at Zuko. Azula is the worst person I’ve ever met. And You’re one of the best. It was perfect; they’d both get hurt and I’d...we’d be happy.” 

TyLee shakes her head. “ You’d be happy. I want to be loved, Mai. I want to be loved completely with no ulterior motives.” And it comes to her that she can be. 

“So what are you going to do, TyLee? Cut us all out.”

She doesn’t want to. She’d love to keep talking to Mai and Zuko, and even Azula, if only in moderation. Deep down she thinks that she would like to love Azula again. It hurts but she knows that it is entirely possible that a talk would only solidify what she is already fairly certain of--that Azula doesn’t care who she hurts so long as her ego is intact. “If I have to. Don’t make me have to.” Silently she begs the same of Azula.

.oOo.

“No, no, like this!” Seicho takes her by the wrist and guides her hand. 

‘Is there really an exact method of sprinkling salt on sizzle-crisps?’ Azula asks.

“There’s a particular way of arranging the dish too once the salt and spices are added. Personally I like to arrange my fruit slices and salad leaves to make pretty pictures…”

‘You like to play with your food.’

“It’s an art, princess! Culinary art. An undervalued art, if you ask me!” She pauses. “If you want, you can put the parchment aside and spell words out with fruit slices or sprinkle tyme to make letters.”

‘No thanks.’ She writes as Zuko grumbles, “and dirty our counters? We don’t have servants here so I’ll be the one cleaning the mess.” 

“Azula can help!”

‘Azula won’t help.’ Cleaning is beneath her. Getting her hands dirty to knead dough and toss flour was a task better suited for serving personnel. She still isn’t sure why she has rolled out and flattened so many circles of dough. She gestures to them, ‘what for?’

“We’re going to wrap the sizzle-crisps in them, of course.” Seicho smiles. 

Azula blinks. 

“What kind of abomination are you having us make?” Zuko throws his hands up, kicking up a cloud of flour.

‘An affront to taste buds all over the Fire Nation. We ought to have you banished.’

“Don’t banish me until after you try it.” Seicho declares. 

Azula picks up one of the sizzle-crisps and wraps it up in a blanket of dough. She supposes enduring the woman’s terrible cuisine creative process is the least that she can do.

.oOo. 

Azula has grown unresponsive again. She doesn’t mean to in fact she had, had a nice time and had quite decently enjoyed her wrapped sizzle-crisps. But her mind is, as per usual, a mess. She thinks that she is letting things go too far. Stringing Seicho along. She is horrid with these sorts of things but she is almost certain that the woman has taken a very bright shine to her. 

The shine is alarmingly bright and she hadn’t meant to plant the seeds for it. But the woman has been so good to her and, Agni, she could use love and company. So much so that sometimes she can fool even herself into thinking that she loves Seicho. And maybe she does, truly so, but she yearns so much for TyLee. And she knows exactly who she would pick if given a choice. 

She rubs her hands over her face. When had she become so confused and conflicted? When had she become so delicate and volatile? She should stop thinking about this before she drives herself back into a sense of self-loathing. 

“What’s wrong?” Seicho finally asks. She thinks that the woman has been dying to do just that since they started cooking. 

‘Just thinking…’ She knows that she should elaborate because she knows damn well that Seicho will ask her to. She decides to wait for the request on the off chance that it won’t be made. Really, it would probably be good for her to get it off of her chest. 

“About what?”

She should come out with the truth. But, spirits, she only has one friend and telling her that, that is how it will stay may well ruin it. She swallows before deciding on a careful partial truth. It is actually a whole truth, just not the one that needs to be spoken. ‘My voice.’  And truly, her lack of a voice is on her mind, just not as pressingly at the moment. She hovers the brush over the parchment as if to add something more. She almost scribbles down her confession. Instead she retracts her hand.

“What about it?”

‘I want it back.’

Azula’s stomach squirms when the woman touches her fingers to her lips. The motion is so delicate, so tender. She feels tears stinging in the corners of her eyes. She can have a lover…

TyLee probably won’t even take her back and if she doesn’t then she will regret having burned this bridge. Azula curls her fingers around her wrist.  She isn’t sure where to go from here. She knows that she is a fool for writing of a sure shot at affection for the slim chance that she can mend old relationships.

She can see the disappointment in Seicho’s eyes when she ultimately decides to put the woman’s hand back at her side. She shakes her head and looks at her parchment. Her stomach flutters and squirms. With a hand that shakes slightly she picks up the parchment again. 

With a lump in her throat, she scrawls, ‘I still love TyLee. I still want her.’ Her hands tingle as though they too are charged with anxiety. She can’t yet bring herself to hold the parchment up. She doesn’t want to lose Seicho. She doesn’t want to lose her...her friend? Her companion. The woman who had saved her life for Agni knows what reason. 

She hands the parchment to Seicho and follows the motion of her eyes. Notes the crease in her brow, the twitch of her lips. “Why didn’t you just say so?”

Azula blinks and Seicho laughs, “right.”  She hands the parchment back. 

‘Well?’ Azula mouths.

“Well, what?” 

Azula scribbles a quick, ‘you aren’t angry?’

“I can’t force you to love me, Azula.” She takes her hand. “I don’t want to, but if TyLee uh...found someone else…”

Azula flinches. For all she knows, TyLee has already made amends with Mai while she was traipsing about the jungle. 

“...you still have someone who loves you.” She smiles. 

Azula lets the woman pull her into a hug. Sometimes it is nice to be held, to take gestures of comfort. She hesitantly returns the embrace. 

“Do you still want to talk about your voice?”

Azula pulls out of the hug and nods, ‘I would like to find the spirit. I want to actually find it, in the right jungle.’ She takes the parchment back and adds, ‘are you going to come with me again?’

“Of course I’ll come with you! And maybe we can see if TyLee and your brother can come along. I’ll just have to let Zhang-Zin know.”

 ‘That would be ideal, yes.’

Seicho’s overly enthusiastic smile returns. “Things are going to fall into place for you, you’ll see!” She insists. 

Azula shrugs and mouths a halfhearted, ‘maybe’.  

Seicho seems to think for a moment, “but I think that we should take a break first.” 

‘A break?’

“We just got back from the jungle, you’ve got a lot on your mind, don’t you think that it would be nice to, I don’t know, go to the beach and relax a little. And then we can start planning our next quest.”  

‘I…’ for a moment only the single letter remains on the parchment. ‘I guess that a break could be nice.’ But it could also be a waste of time. She can’t particularly see herself being able to relax. Not with so many things on her mind. Not when TyLee could be out there deciding that dating her is the worst thing that has ever happened to her or making out with Mai or some other gorgeous woman. Not when her voice is still null. Not when she is so skeptical that Seicho truly is alright with being only a friend. 

She has an inkling that the only reason she is still so cheerful is because she is secretly hoping that TyLee has moved on. 

Seicho leaps off of the bed. “Tomorrow, we can go shell hunting tomorrow and I can show you this tidal pool with these spiny urchins.” She is listing off so many ideas and Azula isn’t sure what her intentions are. Isn’t sure that this isn’t just some sort of scheme to try to rope her into a relationship.

Azula rubs her hands over her face--she supposes that this sort of paranoia is exactly why things have gone so amiss between she and TyLee. She wishes that she could just accept that, perhaps, some people do mean well. 

That some people just try their best to make something good of dreadful or unexpected things. 

Perhaps Seicho really does just want a lighthearted day with a friend. 

Azula could use one of those. Maybe it is exactly what she needs; a relationship without romance. Something more carefree before delving back into much heavier subjects. 

‘I’d rather avoid urchins.’

Seicho laughs out loud, a full body laugh. “Alright, no urchins.” 

[langernameohnebedeutung]

Is it bad to have an accent ? I’m studying English at uni and all my teachers say I have to work on my accent and adopt an RP or GA accent because having an accent is bad and terrible . I have a pretty thick French accent and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to correct it and it’s making me feel very self-conscious so I almost never talk , which affect my performance in class .

Seeeee..........the thing is, there is this ideal. This gold-standard: The accent-free foreigner. (And if you do have an accent it better be from a rich white country and it better be barely noticeable and you won’t mind if someone is creepy about it)  And many learners ascribe to that ideal as well. And honestly, it doesn’t go anywhere, as far as I’m concerned. There are just very little professions where you will profit from not having an accent outside of people being happy about it. There is no practical gain. Unless you want to become an actor or a spy or the Queen’s professional doppelgänger.

So, to make this short, it’s not bad to have an accent as far as I’m concerned and your teachers sound like dicks tbh. 

We often complain about native-speakers who are rude about people’s accents or mistakes when they only know one language themselves. But I think it’s time to address that: ESL-speakers do it too - in fact, I would say that especially among people from countries where fluency in English is expected for  the younger generation, it is very common to lash out against people from the same community who have a thicker accent when they speak English and to make fun of them. And that’s just as rude as when a native speaker does it or when you make fun of anyone else for doing something you excel at.

On the personal note: You can only do something about accent if you speak and if you’re getting berated for the way you speak and that keeps you from speaking - then you’re not going to improve. It’s fair for a teacher to point out how to pronounce a word or to point out if someone’s grammar is wrong - but I study English too and while we had to stick to a specific variety when writing (either American or British), we were never told how to speak beyond pointing out mistakes in classes that were about language proficiency. And most people do improve over time, simply because their studies expose them to a lot of spoken English. I would meet people from my first semesters again in higher semesters and note how they have become more fluent and made less mistakes. Personally, I would try speaking to at least the lecturers you think might react decently about it that you’re working on it (whether you are or not) and that for that you need to speak and right now this kind of feed-back is making you more anxious about speaking and whether they would mine focusing their criticism on more structural aspects of your speaking.

As far as accents or being “accent-free” is concerned-  

I don’t even think it’s something that all speakers should aspire to. And even if someone’s end goal is to speak perfect RP or GA, that should be their personal goal. Many people uphold this strange notion of purity when it comes to people learning a language where everyone should aspire to be “accent-free” or “sound like a native-speaker”. And I guess it makes sense if you’re teaching someone how to speak that language as a beginner. It makes sense to show  them how to pronounce words and how sounds work in that language. If you have a person sitting in front of you who doesn’t speak English, it makes sense to stick to one version instead of saying “wa-t-er” in one lesson and “wadder” in the next or “caahn’t” in one sentence and “cèèn’t”in the next. It gives them a certain structure, helps them tell one variety from the other and to avoid confusion. Not to mention that if someone wants to study English they are expected to write their papers and essays in one variety of English so it makes sense that they know the general rules of telling them apart or recognizing or recognising how a word would be spelt or spelled. 

But when you finally become more fluent, you still have an accent and you still might not be perfect recognising one variety from the other. There are people who live in a foreign country for the majority of their lives but you can still tell where they come from. 

But the question is...who cares?

Don’t get me wrong, if someone wants to put their effort into learning a specific variety perfectly, I don’t see anything wrong with it and if they accomplish that - it’s quite some feat and it’s cool. Commendable. But the truth is that we all have accents. Even in our native languages, we speak in a regional accent, we probably have specific slang-words that are particular to some group. Age, class, sex, gender, education, interests - there are thousands of factors  that determine the way we speak. And it’s the same for native English speakers. There are hundreds of versions to speak English. 

I actually once took part in a public speaking class and the woman who held that class was a logopaedics trainer. And she could tell by the way people spoke and moved their mouth while speaking whether they used to wear braces, which parent they had a closer relationship with and other things. The way we speak - and the way we aspire to speak - is an important aspect of our personality and who we are and where we come from and personally, I don’t see the value of erasing that. It’s like a hand-writing and no one would tell you to alter your handwriting until you write in Times New Roman or Arial.

The thing is, when Anglos complain that they don’t understand a Scottish person or an Irish person or some other regional dialect, that is because that person grew up speaking a particular variety of English in a specific community. But for someone who isn’t a native speaker, they learn English in a community with a different native language - which means we simply speak that language with them (unless it’s for practice or a joke). I learnt English in a German school among kids with German accents and German language-habits - and teachers who had the same accent and the same habits and one who pronounced “wipe” as “whip”. And you probably learnt it in a French-speaking school among kids with French accents and French language-habits. So there is practically no way for any of us to leave school without speaking in that respective accent. But unlike a Scottish person or an Irish person, we didn’t speak that variety of English with our peers. We spoke our our native language. And I think that’s the difference for most people - that one group has a native community to fall back on and the other doesn’t, so the second one should aspire to imitating a native-speaker instead of adding another variety to the mix. 

Also you’re just as likely to speak English with people from any other European country (who also have their own accent and speaking-habits) as with a native speaker, so it’s not like you’re only going to be exposed to people who light you the way to a native accent. I remember when I made this post about “Euro-English” and people from absolutely random countries with different native languages all commented with: “No this is definitely how we speak, this is definitely our variety of English!” - meaning there are also a lot of unifying factors there too, based on our language families and cultural similarities - and how many people are there speaking like that? Hundreds of millions, probably.

Someone once pointed out to me that there are more Germans who speak English than there are Canadians. And you can do that maths  for a lot of countries: There are more Norwegians or Swiss people who speak English than people from the Republic of Ireland. There are more French people who speak English than there are Australians. That means with the exception of Americans, we outnumber people from the countries these “ideal” accents come from. And in fact, how many British people speak RP? How many Americans speak GA? And that’s just looking at western countries. There are so many varieties of English spread around the globe due to colonialism. It’s ridiculous to expect the entire world to sound like the Queen. In the end, each version is their own variety and just because it doesn’t have a native community to fall back on, I think it’s harmful to treat it as something only worth of erasing when a person’s English skills are a factor in professional success and social standing even in the community they come from.

English is the current lingua franca - a language that non-native speakers communicate in. And as I said, it makes sense to teach it in a specific way and to teach it the dialects that exist - because if everyone would just make up their own version of English, we wouldn’t understand each other and might as well not have bothered learning English in the first place. But you don’t need to have a cut-glass accent to accomplish that or aspire to have one.   

And this brings me to what I think should be the central question: 

What do you want to use your English for?

See, I did mention that if you want to become a British spy or play a British role as an actor or be the Queen’s bodyguard slash doppelgänger (a film I would watch) - then it would probably pay off to master a specific native accent as well as possible. (That said, there are enough British actors who get roles as Americans and vice-versa who don’t fool anyone and there are a lot of skills other than a specific accent that you would need to master each one). 

But those are jobs where you actively have to shed your own identity. That’s the point. You have to pretend to be a native speaker. But that’s not what you do in every-day life. In fact, most people you will interact with will probably know you’re French from the social context you are in or because it comes up in conversation, so beyond being a neat party trick, I don’t see what purpose having an RP or GA accent has here.

Of course, you might want to become a teacher, in which case, it would be important to have a specific pronunciation - but also all English teachers I had had German accents and I wouldn’t say that they would have been a million times better at teaching if they hadn’t had that - it’s far more important to know how to teach, to understand the grammar and vocabulary and to help your students to improve themselves and to understand why people speak the way they do.

You might want to be a journalist - if your interview-partner understands you and you can write in English, it’s fulfilling its purpose. If you want to work in a specific field - for example become a doctor in an English-speaking country - it’s important that your patients understand you and that you know your medical terms, but you don’t need Received Pronunciation. If you want to go into tourism, a bit of a foreign accent might actually come across as more authentic and desirable. 

So I think the central question is whether the English you speak right now serves its purpose for what you want it to - or if it is at odds with what you want to do with it.

If your accent wouldn’t pose a problem for you, then my profeschionel opinion is to fuck ‘em haters. Do what you like.  If you want to work on your accent: Do it. If you don’t: Don’t. 

But...if you feel like the way you speak English now would cause you difficulties in your job or every-day life later on - then I think the best thing to do would be to look into the specific skills you need and to invest your energy into acquiring these skills. Whether that is a specific jargon specific to one field or translate very quickly - or whether you really need to learn RP or GA. If you take a professional interpreter for example, many of them do lean to a specific variety, but have accents. It can’t be so heavy that it’s difficult to understand them, but their work requires skills beyond having a specific pronunciation. 

So erm...those where just my 2 cents on accents.

If you do want to change something about your accent - maybe even just to get your teachers off your case - I recommend listening to native speakers and particular, sticking to one variety you prefer. If you are already fluent and you understand them, your brain is very quick to pick up on dialects. (You know the thing where you watch someone speak in a specific dialect and for a while after you find yourself saying things in that dialect? The brain is very fast too do that and it also works in English, even if you don’t internalise it immediately and it feels artificial at first). Also don’t be afraid of speaking to yourself to practice. Obviously, speaking to others is important (and if you’re self-conscious or you are worried about your teacher commenting on it, maybe try asking a friend or sibling or someone to speak English with you or see if you can find a learning buddy) but I think talking to oneself can also be helpful. Because you are not trying to get a point across as you would in a conversation or have to focus on the words you are saying. You can focus on your accent and the way you speak and I think that is an important aspect when it comes to accents: Knowing your accent. Being aware of the way you pronounce words. You know the thing where you try pronouncing a word but you can never quite get there - much less if you’re trying to speak quickly or in a sentence? - It really helps to pay attention to the differences between the way you say it and a native speaker says it. Also if there is word you don’t know or that you aren’t used to hearing out loud  and you encounter it in the wild like a video or a film - it really helps to stop it and to pronounce it to yourself.

But generally, you cannot change the way you speak over night, even if you do it. It’s something that takes time and effort and it might never work completely. So really, I would focus on what you want to accomplish with your English and what future use you see for it - and focus on your strength as well, the things you’re good at. And in the short-term, I would try convincing the teachers that you are working on it but that their current course of action is actually making it more difficult for you.

[clovis-enthusiast]

Lotsa Clovis headcanons that you can pry from my cold dead hands

Keep in mind that these are just MY HEADCANONS! None of this is canon unless specifically stated! Feel free to agree or disagree. I juts rlly love my boy and his cabin and will gush about them for hours if given the chance.

Since there is a lot, I’ll put them under the cut so as not to clutter ur feed with my rambling! So uh click ‘keep reading’ to see me babble about my all time favorite character! Hope u enjoy if u read em and always feel free to send me a message about ur own headcanons! (I’m always thinking of more, so this post might be updated every once in awhile!)

He is very French. He was born in France and lived there for a short while before he and his mother (the reason I say mother instead of parent is because it was hinted at in canon that he has a mother. my go to name for her is Camille) moved to the US due to monster related problems. (He has a French last name. Something like Valois is my go to.)

French is his first language but because he moved to the US when he was quite young, he is very fluent in English. He often switches between the two languages when he’s EXTRA sleepy without noticing leading to a lot of confusion (and you can bet that he DEFINITELY swears in French because not many people at camp can understand him when he does. Those who do have a newfound respect and fear for him.)

He was initially a longtime member of the Hermes cabin even though pretty much everyone could guess who his godly parent was.

Was DEFINITELY a part of Luke’s army at one point due to the fact that he looked up to Luke as the older demigod had always treated him like a little brother, AND his godly brother Morpheus was also on Kronos’s side of the war. However, Clovis did not stay with them for long once things began to get bad and returned to Camp Half Blood with time. (Morpheus and Clovis now have a strained relationship.)

Best friends with Lou Ellen Blackstone of the Hecate cabin. They were both temporarily on Luke’s side of the war and were held with suspicion and distrust when they returned to camp, so they tended to stick by each other while the other campers warmed back up to them. Because of this, they are now very close and are always goofing around (much to the annoyance of the other head counselors aside from the Stolls, of course.)

Definitely had a thing for Nico di Angelo in the past. As the two boys are both the sons of underworld gods, Clovis had already felt a certain tug towards him. When he heard Nico’s story from the camp’s rumor mill (thank Lacy and Mitchell for that one) he became utterly infatuated. Over time, his curiosity turned more into a little crush which then became a BIG crush, but as neither Clovis nor Nico are really all that great with normal human interaction, the son of Hypnos’s flirting techniques sort of went unnoticed. That’s why Nico seems to be the only one being pulled into Clovis’s dreams at any given time despite Clovis being a ‘very strong dreamer.’ The truth is that Clovis has full control over who enters HIS dreamscapes. He tries desperately to impress Nico and help him out wherever he can, but when Nico eventually chooses Will to be his boyfriend, Clovis, though a bit sad that his first crush in a long time didn’t share the feelings, is VERY supportive. He loves to tease Nico about how hopelessly head-over-heels the broody teenager is over his sunshiney boyfriend. And if the two were ever to break up for whatever reason in the future? Well, Clovis is definitely still up for a shot.

Clovis and Nico are still VERY close. Clovis is one of the only people that Nico feels comfortable enough to be himself around and often confides in him whenever his negative thinking gets the best of him. Clovis also plays a big part in Nico regaining the memories of his past when he’s ready which he will forever be thankful for. The two obviously spend a lot of time together in dreams and greet one another in a warm fashion whenever they come across each other by chance at camp. This confuses literally everyone because literally no one has ever seen them interact before?? How are they friends?? 

Has HISTORY with Drew. No one is really sure what kind of history (it seems as if there was a little bit of memory erasure throughout the camp on the situation... hm...) but most people speculate that the two shared a romantic relation at one point in time. Turns out, they were NOT compatible, and the whole thing went up in flames. Drew still holds a huge grudge against Clovis who acts as though he could honestly care less. He still treats her politely though there have definitely been some not-so-subtle nasty looks cast across the campfire towards her direction before.

Also very close with Lacy and Mitchell from the Aphrodite cabin. Lacy feels terrible about Drew’s trash-talking and rumor-spreading and eventually works up the courage to say hi. They became fast friends, and Lacy definitely has a bit of a puppy-dog crush on him, but she is much too young for Clovis. He sees her as a little sister and allows her to put makeup on him, do his hair, and even tries on dresses and such just to make her smile. Mitchell, on the other hand, became friends with Clovis out of spite in all honesty and ended up liking the sleepy blond a lot more than he thought he would. He might have a teeeeeny tiiiiiny crush on him. Don’t tell Lacy.

Close with Pollux of the Dionysus cabin. Pollux sees a lot of Castor when he looks at Clovis which is a huge comfort to him. The two counselors have a lot of deep talks late at night, and Clovis always makes sure that Pollux is sleeping well without being haunted by nightmares. Dionysus would never admit it, but he is very thankful that someone cares that much about his only son.

Good friends with Rachel Elizabeth Dare surprisingly! He helps her out often, and the two like to sit and chat about mythology, artwork, and prophecies in the big house and at the campfire.

Has allies and friends in high places. Due to his powerful dreaming, he’s been to quite a few strange places and met quite a few strange people... or you could call them the gods, I guess. He knows a lot of the gods and goddesses from all kinds of mythologies (though obviously more of the Greek ones than anything) and they seem to like him well enough for some reason. (Probably because he’s one of the only demigods who doesn’t want to strangle them and doesn’t mind listening to them complain about petty godly things.) He often has little chats with them where he keeps them updated with the going ons of Camp Half Blood and they keep him updated about... godly drama. He kinda lives for it tbh. It’s part of the reason why he’s so informed about the gods.(Annabeth is maybe just the tiniest bit jealous.)

He’s a year round camper because it would be much too dangerous for him to go back to living with his mother. He stays in contact with her via dreams, letters, and Iris messages though!

MUCH more powerful than he lets on. He just doesn’t like conflict. 

One of his most frightening abilities is the ability to summon terrible creatures from people’s nightmares and use them to fight. He doesn’t like to do this as it can be very traumatizing for the people he uses it against, AND it’s not always a guarantee that the nightmare creatures will obey him.

His other more battle-ready powers are the ability to put an entire battle field into a deep slumber and memory alteration/erasure. He can use his memory alteration/erasure on monsters of weaker defenses AND demigods (though he feels much more comfortable using it on monsters.) He uses these powers to alter how monsters/enemies perceive demigods. Because of this, there are quite a few friendly hellhounds and scythian dracanae wandering about the camp. All of his powers are VERY draining and take a lot of concentration in order to work as intended. He will often sleep for days after a battle because of this.

He is also capable of fighting whilst asleep. In fact, his senses are heightened, and he tends to perform better this way. He also heals much faster while he is asleep. 

It is speculated that he will either grow wings from his head or his back, but it will not happen until he grows older. It’s a rare trait that few Hypnos kids (and Thanatos kids) develop, but due to Clovis’s power level, everyone is pretty much waiting for it to happen.

He can change his appearance at will in his dreams, but his aura is still the same, so he can still be identified pretty easily by people who know him personally. (As a side note, his eyes pretty much change color on their own to reflect the mood of the dreamscape he’s currently in. Gold, emerald, and violet are the most common colors. His true eye color is blue.)

Doesn’t really care about gender all that much. He has absolutely no problem with people referring to him using any pronouns (she/he/they) and is quite comfortable with himself in general. Many demigods who are questioning their gender comes to talk to him about it, and he’s always open to hearing them out and giving them advice.

VERY bisexual. Likes girls, guys, literally anyone who can keep him awake and interested for more than five seconds.

The unofficial official camp therapist.The role used to belong to Will Solace, but the truth is that the son of Apollo is much more comfortable dealing with physical ailments and problems he can fix medically than he is with dealing with feelings and mental ailments. Clovis is a very good listener despite the popular belief that he’s too busy nodding off to actually hold a conversation with properly and has a very calming aura that helps people feel safe enough to be vulnerable with him.

The go to babysitter of camp. Due to his Hypnos kid vibes, he is able to keep even the most rambunctious demigod and satyr children under control. His nap times are legendary. 

VERY big on respecting people’s privacy and boundaries. He tries his best not to enter any dreams uninvited, and he never talks about what goes on in people’s dreams ever. He also NEVER looks into people’s memories without their permission. He makes sure his siblings follow these guidelines strictly.

He literally lets anyone come into the Hypnos cabin at any time to get a good rest. The cabin has an open door policy.

New campers are often allowed to stay with the Hypnos cabin if they’d rather not face the chaos of the Hermes cabin.

Contrary to popular belief, his cabin is actually NOT the messiest cabin. The Hermes cabin wins that one though they’re followed closely by the Ares and Hephaestus cabins.

He and his siblings are some of the closest in the camp. They meet up and hang out in each other’s dreamscapes and have family nights. Clovis is the oldest AND is a head counselor, so he is very protective and responsible when it comes to his siblings.

Gives AMAZING massages. Leo and the entirety of the Hephaestus and Ares cabins are regular customers. Fight me. 

Actually a very good strategist when it comes to battles and such given that he’s awake enough to actually communicate his ideas. If you get them on your Capture the Team game, you’re already doing good. Annabeth and the Athena cabin love the competition, and they’re nearly unstoppable when they work together with him.

Clovis suffers from TERRIBLE narcolepsy, even for a son of Hypnos. It’s gotten him into a lot of bad and dangerous situations such as falling asleep mid battle, mid conversation, and even in the bath once when he was little. He has developed a fear of heights and water due to his condition.

Holds a lot of frustrations towards himself. Frustrated that he ever turned against the camp that offered him a home, frustrated that he couldn’t help Jason restore his memories, frustrated that couldn’t help more in the war against Gaea, just... frustrated. He tries to sleep off these negative moods because he doesn’t like to bring people down.

Absolutely not opposed to cuddling with people who are okay with it (he always asks first!) It’s a surefire way to get a good night’s rest since you’re so close to him, plus he’s very soft and warm!

Has a good singing voice, but just isn’t confident enough with it. He pushes through his insecurities to sing lullabies to those who really need them though. His lullabies are unmatched. 

Adores cats with all of his heart due to their lazy and relaxed nature, but he knows that he could never be able to care for one well enough. 

ALWAYS wears pajamas. Like all the time. Chiron has given up on enforcing the dress code. He also made sure to have custom made camp bracelets instead of necklaces to be sure that none of the Hypnos kids are choked/strangled by them if they happen to fall asleep in a bad place or position.

Lives in the past. Old movies, old music, old slang, you name it. I mean, he practically sleeps for the majority of his life, so it’s not all that surprising that he’s a bit behind the times. He thinks the modern age moves much too fast for him to keep up with.

The demigods of camp take turns making sure Clovis and his siblings are taking care of themselves. Walking them to the showers and dining pavilion, making sure they get a little sunlight each day, and the bare minimum of training.

He is the best boy.That is the only FACT that I do not accept criticism on. Thank you.

[shidoukanae]

YGO! Questionnaire

Tagged by @cipher-wise​

Favorite series:

My favorite series based on what I watched and enjoyed would have to be Arc-V!!! It's honestly the series that got me to adore YGO when previously I'd seen YGO as, and I chilidishly quote, "uncool". Everything about Arc-V is pretty much wonderful: Yuya's presence as a "everyone MUST be happy" kind of character in a plot that discusses themes of war, revenge, and despair is absolutely refreshing (especially when Yuya's ideals of happiness are stripped from him and made a mockery of by, *coughs* one of my favorite characters in the franchise *coughs*). 

I love how the four Yuu boys are a wonderful combination of "protagonists" (/anatagonists) and how they each play off of each other's weaknesses and strengths, often acting as mirrors to each other in their individual dimensions while having amazing interactions (Yugo and Yuri, anyone? Yuri and Yuya?).

I admire how the endgame plot is a perversion of Yuya's ideals: he gets what he wants, showering happiness upon all, but that "happiness" is corrupted into the notion of entertainment. While Yuya seeks to provide people with smiles and laughter, to give them hope to work together through tough times and to stay strong in the face of adversity, his "counterparts" in the endgame are really good at acting as Yuya's mirror: showing that his style of performing can also be used to appease the bloodthirst of one's own self and that happiness can be corrupted into self-deserving power.

...Hard to put that into exact words without spoiling a lot of things but, gosh, let's just say that Yuri and ____ are the perfect mirrors to Yuya in terms of what his entertainment dueling style is meant to be.

The plot over all is pretty good! I won't lie and say it stands strong all the way throughout the story but the first half is amazing and there are some pretty strong episodes in the second half (Yugo and Rin, the parasite episodes in general, Yuri Yuri YURI). I can definitely say that the humor is there, the characters are amazing (if nothing else, watch for the Yuu Boys, the Bracelet Gals, and Shun versus Sora!!) and having come into the show around episode 104, I was pleasantly surprised by the trip Arc-V brought me and how it played with its protagonist, giving him hope, kicking him down, and toying with his mind - just like the way a warzone might to any idealistic individual.

In terms of other series, I like VRAINS but only up to like episode 19 (or the end of the Data Bank arc). It had potential and I kept hoping it would get better but the plot was constantly floundering, there are plot holes abundant (sewer monsters, ugh), character development is inconsistent not to mention very shallow, VRAINS has some of the best side characters but they're kicked to the curb by a bland protagonist and a villain that could've been so much cooler but they made him a sympathetic mess.

...I have a lot of gripes with VRAINS but, if it were to ever be rewritten with clear goalposts and plot twists in mind (not to mention development on ideas like Charisma Duelists because at the end of the show I still have not a fucking clue what a Charisma Duelists is or was) I would say it has potential to become my favorite series but Arc-V clearly beats it for me in every category lmao.

Zexal’s also really good too!!! I don’t get all the hate behind it because it’s actually really interesting and engaging (also IV’s definition of fanservice is literally the only type of fanservice I will ever accept) and I think I’ve even cried a couple of times during the course of the plot which is like,,, shocking considering it’s not a show I thought I’d cry over (I cried in Arc-V too but goddamn does tiny Yuya just want to make you tear up lmao). This show is really good emotionally and it’s literally so stupid how Kaito carries a lot of the early and middle game of the show yet most of the meat of the plot doesn’t begin to unravel until the second season.

Also, if you ever want to watch a show of 100+ episodes that is so masterfully written that there is foreshadowing for stuff in like episode 130+ on EPISODE ONE, please watch this. Literally there are so many hints of what is going to happen in the future in the early episodes and you won’t really be able to tell what those hints are until you’ve finished the show but goddamn when you go back and rewatch things it does indeed feel amazing how much foreshadowing they threaded into the show without you ever knowing...(please don’t search for spoilers if you intend to watch this. I went into the show knowing some spoilers tho not all and, while I was still pleased by what I watched, I honestly can agree the show is A Lot Better without knowing ANYTHING)

Favorite Protagonist: Yuya. For sure, out of all the series, Yuya. 

He’s a refreshing protagonist, especially considering he shines in a world of war and despair. He’s also someone who you empathize with right at the start and want to hope in, especially since he is the “happiness” in a word of “madness” and “sorrow”. He’s not someone out to save the world (not really, anyways), but his actions touch on the lives of others anyways, giving people in a hope in a world that is otherwise cruel and heartless. Also, it really helps that he’s able to pull you into his world of “egaos”, making you believe in him and root for him despite how cheesy his ideals may or may not sound.

Also love how, despite being the centerpiece of “happiness”, Yuya isn’t allowed to always be happy :> Not spoiling plot related things but if you like protagonists going off the rails insane at times, Yuya’s definitely a fun protagonist for that!!!

Favorite Rival:

Kaito Tenjou!!! Literally the best rival in the series that I’ve seen. Everything about him is literally perfect ngl. From the way he’s chillingly introduced, with the spine-tingling whistles and cruel, almost merciless nature, to the way he slowly becomes sympathetic while also remaining a terrifying presence whenever he appears...I love him????

Favorite BFF:

Does Shoichi count? Because like...he’s Yusaku’s closest friend and ally in the series and I generally don’t pay attention to the other BFF’s in the other series (or at least, the ones I can recall bc I know in Zexal that Yuma has a whole group of friends lmao).

But I like Shoichi!! He cares about Yusaku a lot, is pretty damn cool as a sidekick hacker, his sideplot with his brother was actually honestly endearing and I loved the mystery about him. His early-game jokes w/ Ai to tease Yusaku were also a good laugh.

Favorite GFF: 

Not a girl friend forever for the main protagonist (although she like...lowkey confessed to him...though that plot really never went anywhere so I still don’t know what the fuck THAT was about) but,,, Ema Bessho,,

If y’all knew me back in my peak YGO days when VRAINS was airing,,, this gal was and STILL is my favorite girl of the YGO series. Even though she was pretty much done dirty imo I still love her (even despite considering she’s been made a damsel-in-distress at least three times, she’s only ever won one duel on-screen despite being supposedly good at dueling, ngl they could’ve done so much more with her but tbh she’s mostly just an asset to solve problems at whim and barely gets character development/does nothing but watch and spectate stuff late-game).

Even though she’s like...the unfortunate side character who’s probably meant to be more fanservice than interesting, in the first 19 episodes (and even the Revolver vs. her fight as well as the one time she meets Aoi IRL early-game) made her out to be a lot cooler and complex than she ended up being. I mean,,, a hacker gal who’s self-serving, cynical, and cold-hearted taking on the tasks of her (potentially ex) boyfriend while being really nice to his sister to the point she baffles even herself,,, we could’ve had a really unique and cool character to play around with here but instead we got...cool-ass character with potential to be something more reduced to a spectator with nothing better to do than idolize the main protagonist and have a plot with her brother that honestly detracted from her character more than it added to it imo.

Also Ema could’ve been a female Yuri but,,, nope,,, they decided she was better as a background piece instead TwT

Favorite Villain: Yuri.

Literally Yuri.

I could choose the leather jacket w/ fluff boi in a certain series because hot damn was that guy convincing AF that he wasn’t an evil psychopath (and even while knowing that he was, I still got fooled into thinking he was a good guy somehow omg) however,,, I’ve always held a love for Yuri and the way he’s been portrayed.

Despite ALWAYS being the bad guy, the show has always made this purple fucker into the most entertaining character on-screen. He even beats Yuya sometimes in terms of how entertaining he is - that’s literally how good he is,,

Also his facial expressions are amazing, he’s a VERY VALID threat to the main cast (and his creeper levels are not only off the charts but literally called out by the main female protagonist herself lmao), and he acts as the perfect foil to Yuya, battling not to entertain others but to entertain himself.

Also, he likes killing people.

No this is not a joke.

He literally likes killing people. And is pretty sadistic about it, too.

(^^^^ for those who don’t get the joke, “Fusion” is pronounced “Yuugo” which sounds similar to “Yugo” which is what,,, Yuri is making fun of,,, more context is needed of course but this is a Great Running Gag)

Favorite card:

I don’t know if it actually exists as an actual card but...that crystal dragon from the YGO movie with the glass pyramid. Blue-Eyes Shining Dragon...it’s really pretty...I love it...

Favorite Episode:

I’m...too lazy to search for names of these episodes but I can give brief summaries of them,,, because I can’t choose,,,

Arc-V: Shun vs. Sora (ALL episodes). Hot damn if you have never watched YGO but want to try and see for yourself why people like it: WATCH THESE EPISODES. I can’t explain how amazing these episodes are and, while I admit jumping straight into them might have you missing out on some important context (such as who Shun is or why Sora’s battle tactics lead to revelation) it’s honestly an amazing fight regardless. The battle starts off plain enough - there’s obvious tension, it seems like a typical fight of a battle royale, etc. - my god does the battle ramp up in emotional tension and promptly kick you in the gut with not only how blindsided you’ve been, but it also showcases just how cruel these “entertainment duels” can really get.

Any episode with Yuri. Literally any episode he’s in. 

I think this is like...episode 8 of VRAINS...but whenever it is that Akira hires Ema to find the reason why Aoi just...straight up got knocked into a coma. Literally this is my favorite episode when it comes to Ema. The way she makes fun of Akira even while aware of his situation,,, her cruel selfishness and desire for money bubbling to the surface, the way she confesses how she can’t be trusted willingly and still asks Akira why he’s hiring her,,, god I love this episode in terms of what Ema could’ve always been.

Episode 13 (/14?) of Zexal!!! This is the episode Kaito appears and when the show REALLY picks up. Kaito is a fun bastard of a rival and tbh I don’t think I’ll ever stop getting chills of him walking in, debris frozen in time all around him, as he approaches his victim, whistling an eerie children’s tune as he gets ready to close in for the kill,,,,

Favorite Deck to Use:

I don’t...really play the game itself but...I have used a couple of decks and I guess you can say I really love Raid Raptors??? First of all, those warbirds make really fun sounds I love ‘em in the anime but they’re also just fun to use in general (even tho I used a,,, very basic deck for them,,, I love them still).

Fusion, Ritual, Synchro, XYZ, Pendulum or Link:

XYZ bc it’s really the only summoning method I’m used to lol :P. Also XYZ loyalist I guess???? 

Years in fandom: roughly five to six years iirc? I mean, I was a fan of the early day YGO and watched it as a kid but not active enough to be in the fandom for it lmao. Also not in the fandom atm because Sevens lost my attention (it’s a good show!!! I’m just unfortunately more a fan of things with serious plots and darker themes and it’s hard for me to stomach slice-of-life shows that don’t focus on a mature and engaging plot). However, Arc-V and Zexal holds a special place in my heart (as does VRAINS, begrudgingly) and so I occasionally find myself wandering back to these shows like right now,,, 

[dariodanoite]

honey bea | dario & bea

TIMING: a while ago. LOCATION: haven hotel. PARTIES: @beatrice-blaze​ and @dariodanoite. SUMMARY: soft and pure tbh. just these guys being dumb.

Bea wasn’t usually one to sleepover. Not that she thought it was too intimate or anything, she just simply preferred her own bed. At least she knew her bed wouldn’t hurt her back. When she started to wake up in an unfamiliar place, her heart rate spiked. With a heavy weight on her chest she frantically looked around to realize she was in the hotel room she and Dario had gotten. She sighed as she sat back and tried to slow her beating heart. Maybe this was why she didn’t sleepover places either, she always did this when she woke up somewhere new. The heavy weight on her chest turned out to be the man in question and she attempted to nudge him awake,”Dario. Dario, get off me.” She didn’t hate cuddling, but she liked breathing more. When he made no moves, she began to try to wiggle herself out of his grasp. She wanted coffee and a shower, not whatever this was. 

Dario loved cuddling. That was simply a fact, and always had been. He knew some people thought it was too intimate, or that it was strange, but who the hell didn’t enjoy the warm feel of a body next to their’s? Of course...perhaps Dario was sometimes a little too attached, so desperate for warmth and the confirmation of another life being in the world besides himself that he could be a little...close. This, paired with being an extremely heavy sleeper while in a sound sleep often made it difficult for his bed partners to wake him. Vaguely, he was certain that someone, somewhere in the world was calling his name, but that didn’t matter as he felt his delicious warmth slipping away, and instinctively clung to it, following it as it tried to escape. A disgruntled and muffled sound came from him as his grip only tightened, his subconscious mind seemingly determined to stop Bea’s attempted Houdini act.

Bea let out a grunt as he tightened his grip and her wiggling intensified. She never really liked clingy sleepers. She liked having the freedom to get out of bed as she needed and return as she wanted. This was not the ideal situation for her. “Dario!” She said louder this time as she attempted to force his hands open to free her. She was never sleeping over with him again, if there ever was an again. She didn’t usually do this, one night stands or friends with benefits situations, but it had been a long time and he had been there. Still, she didn’t expect it to happen that often if it did happen again. 

Bea’s grunt was met with Dario’s own sleepy version of it, still quite displeased with his source of warmth slipping away from him. But as she said his name more insistently, he woke with a bit of a start, looking quite alarmed for a moment before taking in Bea’s morning look. Then he simply frowned, still grumpy upon having his sleep stolen from him. “Why are you yelling?” It took him a moment to remember where he was as well, taking in the hotel room in the new light of day. His place wasn’t exactly….fit for company, and Bea hadn’t wanted her sisters finding out what she was up to. “I’d say good morning but- pretty sure you’ve stolen any chance of it being ‘good’.” The words were only a little disgruntled, shifting more into teasing now.

“You were suffocating me,” Came Bea’s own grumpy reply. She didn’t usually get grumpy in the morning, but to have him be annoyed at her for trying to get out made her own irritation spike. Her eyebrows came together, a frown on her face. She knew he was kidding but it still annoyed her. It wasn’t her fault he was clingy in the morning. “Go back to sleep then, but let me out first,” She said her frown still etched into her face. She was going to get shit from Nell if she noticed she wasn’t at home last night. She pushed that thought from her head as she tried to sit up, hoping that he would finally release her now that he was awake. “You didn’t strike me as a cuddler,” She told him, her voice a bit more relaxed. 

Dario opened his mouth to make some joke about cats smothering babies in their sleep before his sleepy mind reminded him that Bea certainly didn’t know why that would be a funny joke when it came to him, and he didn’t care to explain. “It didn’t work?” Was the response she got instead, his voice still a little rough from having just woken up. Reluctantly, he moved a bit to the side, freeing her with an expression that could only be described as a pout. He didn’t want his human heater to leave, and he wasn’t sure how effective going back to sleep might be without it. “I can’t sleep now. I’m just gonna be too busy thinking of you. And how much I miss you.” The words held a healthy amount of sarcasm. “What makes a person more likely to strike you as a cuddler or not?”

“Shut up,” Bea replied with a small kick aimed at him. As good as he was in bed, he was ridiculously annoying. She didn’t remember him being such a smartass in high school, but she couldn’t remember as clearly as she wished she could. It was still strange to her that thirteen years had passed since she last saw him. “I’m sure you’ll figure out a way to live,” She replied as she scooted up to sit up against the headboard. She ran a hand through his hair, absentmindedly. “Usually I don’t associate fuckboys with cuddlers.”

“You gonna make me?” Dario shot back, though it was all in the good fun they normally joked with. He did his best to dodge the kick with a still sleepy smile on his lips, his recent awakening making him a touch too slow for it to miss him completely, even with heightened reflexes. “Wow, you’re gonna hit the man who was so kind to you last night. And continues to only be kind to do.” His sarcasm was heavy as he simply continued to lounge where he was, seeing no reason to rise. “But what if I can’t live without you?” he continued to joke, his face rather similar to that new emoji thing he’d learned online in the last few weeks. The “:/” one. “Wow, you’re going to just put me in a box like that? Haven’t you ever heard to not judge a book by it’s cover?” Nevertheless, he basked in the little moment of her hand in his hair, reflexively stretching out like a cat sunning itself. 

“Don’t try to flirt with me right now,” Bea replied. She figured he wasn’t trying to get into her pants again this morning, but she figured she’d lay down the rules right now that that wasn’t on the table. She didn’t like morning sex that much anyway. She felt sweaty and she didn’t want to experience morning breath. “What you did last night is not a free pass to be annoying.” She couldn’t help but admit that Dario was funny sometimes. Annoying a lot of the time, but funny occasionally. “I guess you have to die then,” She told him, trying to keep a straight expression, though her lips quirked a bit. She kept stroking his hair as he stretched out, enjoying that he seemed to enjoy that. “It’s very easy to put you in a box, Dario. You are a fuckboy and you like to cuddle. You’re complex.”

“Abelha, you know that’s like asking me not to breathe. Which I’m sure you’d also be happy if I stopped doing but- you understand my point.” Dario continued to tease, generally always finding amusement with the woman. He personally wouldn’t say no to morning sex, but he also was very much enjoying the way Bea’s hand was making its way through his hair, loving the petting for now. “Don’t you mean what we did last night? I wasn’t the only one there.” Beyond the sex though, he enjoyed spending time with Bea, feeling more like his old self when he was around her. “I don’t think I’d mind dying with a pretty girl’s hand in my hair.” By now, he knew she quite liked it when he called her pretty, and he wasn’t above using it to his advantage at times. He hummed contentedly as he continued to just lay there, still stretched out. “Was that you complimenting me? Calling me complex?”

Bea couldn’t help the little blush that went to her cheeks at his nickname for her, it was just so cute. “I suppose it would be tragic if you stopped breathing while I was here,” She teased him back. At his response she stopped her petting for a moment to tug his hair lightly, “Whatever happened last night still doesn’t give you a pass to be annoying like I said.” There certainly times Bea felt like she was sixteen again around Dario and the stress she held so often melted away. She supposed it was nice to not worry around him. (Or at least worry as much). “As the pretty girl in this situation I would mind a lot if you die on me.” She wasn’t the most squeamish about death or bodies, for obvious reasons, but that didn’t mean she wanted him to die on her, even in a hypothetical. “Well I wasn’t completely insulting you, so I suppose it’s kind of a compliment.”

“So when you leave,” Dario began, amusement in his voice, “then I can die?” Her little blush didn’t go unnoticed, and a hint of smirk began to form on his lips as he reached up to gently brush her cheek. “You like it that much? When I call you abelha? Você gosta de ser minha abelhinha?” It was a fairly simple phrase in his mother tongue, and he wouldn’t be surprised if she picked up on it— half curious whether she would or not. Either way, he was curious to see her reaction. But then a frown quickly replaced the small smile, wincing slightly as she pulled. “Now, now. You’re going to start something you can’t finish,” Dario pretended to admonish. “I take offense to that. I would also like to be the pretty girl in this situation. Or are you too selfish, to share?” As for him dying...well- it might come sooner rather than later if his hunt for those that had killed his family went wrong, and he wasn’t particularly concerned for it. “Do I get another compliment? I’ve given you plenty. Isn’t it my turn?”

“Yes. Then I don’t have to witness it. I have no desire to try to figure out how to bring you back.” Bea told him with a little eye roll as if that answer was the most obvious in the world. It took her a moment to try to translate his words and she only understood some of it. “Your little bee?” She asked, her eyebrows furrowed. She had never excelled with language, even between english and turkish she took to them much slower than her sisters had. She let out a laugh,“Noted, no hair pulling in the morning before we brush our teeth.” She leaned down to press a kiss to his temple, “I am the only pretty girl in this room but good try. Your one compliment is that you are less irritating now than you were before, congrats.” 

“But that implies that you’d at least be interested in bringing me back,” Dario continued to tease, seemingly content to stay here until they were forced to check out of the hotel. There were few places he felt this relaxed, though it was less about the place, and more about the person he was with. Bea was safe. That much he knew. “Yes, my little Bea,” he repeated with a smile, reaching out a finger to poke between her now furrowed eyebrows. “You’re going to get wrinkles.” His smile was now turned to a childish pout. “You don’t like my unbrushed teeth? Why do you keep being so mean?” His eyes closed for a moment to accept the little kiss on his forehead before he raised his head, landing a soft, morning kiss on her lips while his hand found the hollow of her waist. He knew how much she liked all kisses. “I’m pretty girl. I don’t care what you say. And I’ll take it.”

“Well, I have to try or the cops might say I wanted it to happen,” Bea replied with a light laugh. As ridiculous as she felt for having to check into a hotel to sleep with Dario, the laziness of the morning was worth it. She didn’t hear her sisters crashing around the house and Dia wasn’t begging her for food. It was simple and Bea appreciated how simple it felt. “Even if I got wrinkles, I’d look good,” She replied, though she did make an effort to smooth out her expression. Just because she’d look good with wrinkles, didn’t mean she wanted them. “I’m not mean, I’m honest and know what I want,” Bea corrected with a light and breezy tone. She hummed happily into the simple kiss, a bright smile on her lips after he pulled away. “Good, because that’s all I’m willing to give.” She would take this lazy morning too, even with their bickering. The simple connection of playing with his hair and letting him lay across her lap, she thinks she’d take that in a heartbeat.

[mvrcutios]

— INTRODUCING:

➺ Alexandre Preston as  M𝔢𝔯𝔠𝔲𝔱𝔦𝔬

Hi everyone! I’m Olivia, 24 from the pst timezone !! I love romantic foreign films and every incarnation of Skam ever created. Also, tik tok. Way way too much tik tok. This is my interpretation of Mercutio (loml tbh), Alexandre! A pretty boy with charm and brains and you bet your ass he knows it. Portrayed by the beaut that is Maxence Fauvel,  i’m genuinely filled to the brim with muse for this boy so, without further ado, time for the main event! (as he prefers to be lbr )

name: alexandre henri preston

age: 21

birthday: July 28th, 1998

gender: male

pronouns: he/him

degree: double major of business & music composition (father currently aware of the 1st)

zodiac: leo.

languages: fluent in french & italian, attempting to swear in russian and japanese.

hobbies: piano, cello, running, sex, parties, reading

vices: whiskey, gin, socialites, card games, fast cars, midnight symphonies, menthol cigarettes

pinterest is here !!

the aesthetic: Dom Pérignon, lipstick stained shirt collars, blue eyes with darkened circles, menthol cigarettes, 2am melodies on a piano down the hall, bruised knuckles, hotel balconies, strobe lights and heavy bass, macarons flaked in gold, lips pressed to cheeks, 3am club invitations, lingering eyes, too bright smiles, bitten bruises soothed with a tongue,shattered mirrors, ripped fingernails, screaming into the silent night, laughter whispered into skin, pills pressed to tongues,  platinum amex cards, chewed on pens, eyes growing distant, texts left on read, ink over his heart for his maman, naps under campus oak trees, flasks sipped in a lecture hall, hands on hips, backs, and his own throat.

           ➺ but what is in a name?

➺ { Alexandre } : The french translation of Alexander. Defender of Man. The irony of a name is not lost on him, nor the man who’d held it. He was named for his maternal grandfather, a man who had sold his soul (and his eldest daughter)  for money, power, name, all under the guise of the importance of family. A name meaning man of honor. Certainly a strong name for a boy who’d been born to rule a soiled throne, but content to find ways to sneak sweets from the kitchen, trick a smile from his mother as she stared out the window yet again. But defenders are not born, no.They are made, and from the moment blue eyes opened for the first time he was destined to be just that. Made. Into his father’s visions, his mother’s dreams. And Xandre is no fool. All he wants — no, rather. All he desires from life is simple. Everything.

➺ { Henri } Ruler of households. Once again nothing but irony for a boy who grew up wanting for nothing in life, but knowing the expectations were to be just that. A leader. Who would be the one to tell him that the throne he was set to rest upon was built on the blood and bones of the lesser fortunate? More importantly, who would teach him to care?

➺ { Preston } Meaning priest, settlement, enclosures of God. Carried to England from Normandy after the great conquest. A name befitting to the family who in some circles considered themselves holier than most. Gods among men. Who turned whiskey to gold, words to bank notes, and blood into power. If you were a Preston, people knew it. And what could be better than that?

   ➺ for he  is the devil in every detail                

➺ ( + ) He was a boy of pressed shirts and dark windswept waves. Blue eyes that sparkled of mischief and peels of laughter that echoed down marbled halls. He was Alexandre Preston, a boy with the stars in his eyes and the world at his feet. Who when he smiled, his entire face lit from within and led to that hint of the  devil sparkling just so from that gaze of his. Who smelled of citrus and whiskey and a bite of mint. Who adored beauty, in life and what it had to offer him. A man who’d grown into his looks and was taught by a wise mother just how to use them, a well placed kiss to a cheek or brush of skin, eyes meeting across a room enough to give them what they desired and more than ever, what he craved. He was tall, dark and oh so handsome, and knew how to get just what he wanted. Born with his father’s intellect and drive for more, padded by his mother’s beauty and ability to wield it for the weapon it could be. It made him anything but a bore, a useless first son too afraid to grasp what was before him. No, Xandre knew his fate. But in the meantime, he lived his life how he chose. If dearest dad was none the wiser, well. What’s the harm?

➺ ( + ) But let’s go back to the beginning, shall we? Born on a warm evening in late july, Alexandre Henri was destined to be the only child of Simon Preston and Violette Dupont. A product of two passionate individuals and a loveless marriage, Xandre’s mother was the eldest daughter to a man of debt. The Dupont family had in name what they lacked in capital and with a marriage between Violette and Simon, had everything to gain. Xandre’s birth was a bright burst of fleeting color for a mother who felt caged into the world she’d sold herself to, doting on the little boy and doing what she could to leave him with a part of her, a piece of her own waning soul. Where Simon was boastful, she was wicked, demure. Where he was aggression, she was soft sighs and whispered curses. Two sides of  what lead to be a machiavellian son. Destined to rule with a gilded fist and fleeting, passionate heart.

➺ ( + ) He was put into lessons as a boy to dwindle that energy that thrummed with his every step, sports and arts and languages but they were fleeting moments of time, hobbies cast aside once the obsessive grip of his mind released them. But his mother’s love of piano rang true to his blood, picking up the instrument even with some difficulty. It bothered him so, to have something he couldn’t master with minimal effort. It required a honed drive, a passion and ethic to create something magnificent through nothing more than hard work. It fueled him, the boy almost manic with the late hours he spent alone in the sun room, fingers dancing along keys and cursing with every missed note. As he grew, so did the realization that it was not something you could master. The great composers themselves went mad with trying. It was a never ending race, and one he still holds steadfast this very day. It is as much a part of him as anything could be. Alexandre is meant to be a leader, Alexandre blows thousands on parties and card games, Alexandre needs music like air to rattling lungs. His current double major at Ashcroft is a direct result. If he’s to live out this new version of day to day, he’ll do as he pleases. As long as his father remains where he belongs, ignorant as the rest are.

➺ ( + ) if music was a stronghold, most everything else in his world was a passing fancy, aimless ways to spend time and money and have fun in this life he was so destined to lead. High school meant parties and fun, learning the intricacies of the body and passion as girls and boys alike came and went from white rumbled sheets. For his mother had taught him to wield beauty for what it was; a weapon. And oh, did he learn with the best. A university career begun at Oxford (if only to spite his father), where the real fun began, nights spent in club after club until the sun rose again, liquor fueled nights of passion and fun, barred from certain clubs and embraced at others, heavyweight card games and street races with a bottle of dom in hand. Started a gambling ring in his dorm hall until the RA caught wind a year later. (But he eventually joined, so no harm no foul) He was at an all time high, never fearing the inevitable crash to follow. He welcomed it like an old friend, navigated the highs and lows with a long learned finesse. Now in Edinburgh, he chases the residual high with his normal vigor, finding drinking buddies to waste an evening with, occasional bodies to slip into his too high thread count sheets.

➺ ( + )  The very definition of love ‘em and leave ‘em. Xandre doesn’t do true relationships, has never truly given his heart to someone in any form. He doesn’t believe in it, the type of love that makes people do such foolish things. He does foolish things just fine on his own, heart be damned. He can be passionate, charming, attentive lover at the best of times, possessive fool at the worst of times. He loves to feel desired, wanted, needed even. But never aims to be someone’s entire world. That type of need, that type of love does nothing but wound. And every wound he will ever have will be of his own creation. Has had more than a few flings, even reoccurring instances of women or men a few times in a row. But the connections are shallow, surface deep. You don’t need to witness his soul to get into his bed, afterall.

➺ ( + )  It was all a beautiful distraction from the blood that stained every letter of his name. His cousin was allowed to live in blessed ignorance of the family means, but Xandre, he was thrown headfirst into the lion’s den and came out grinning, the truth of it never leaving past blood stained lips. He isn’t resentful of that fact. A part of him feels it was always meant to be this way. If his cousins were the sun, he was the endless night, the whispers of shadows and secrets meant to withstand. For he could take it, surely. Right?

➺ ( + ) while his fate may be anything but up for debate, he is anything but a too willing participant. Being at Oxford meant enough distance to gain a bit of the freedom he craved. The night his father was arrested, Alexandre was doing what was normal, even on a tuesday evening. Partying at a local hotspot four bottles deep in champagne and whiskey, pills pressed to lips in between fevered kisses of a woman who’s name escaped him the next morning. Sweetened black coffee in hand as he watched his phone buzz over and over, the news blaring the headline of what he’d always known would come to fruition. But his father was still kicking, and so the heavy head who bears the crown was not yet his own. So he went about his day, his week, his months. Until, octavia.

➺ ( + ) his cousins were the siblings he’d never had, and for a man who doesn’t truly believe in intricacies of love he loves them with all he has in him. Wolfie the brother he’d craved, the two stirring trouble with every laugh as they raced down the cavernous halls of their homes. Days spent listening to his whispered dreams, his own a hollow echo in response to the passion that thrummed from his cousin’s. The lectures of his poor influence never bothered him, his role had always been rather set after all. The shadow to the sun. Was he ever to be a leader? Possibly. But he was never born of the responsibility and dreams that lingered over his cousin, never expected to amount to anything rather spectacular beyond the built business reputation and blood that soaked the name Preston. He was too impulsive, too passionate to have it beaten from his bones, just always a little too much.

➺ ( + ) And Octavia – she held a special place in his heart. Daddy’s little girl, it was easy to see how she could bat her lashes and smile her smile and let the world fall at her feet. He admired it, respected it even. Game always has to appreciate the game. She and her brother leaving for Ashcroft was a blow he hadn’t anticipated, for they’d always had one another, the two musketeers and the girl who fought to be anything but a shadow. It was an unfamiliar ache, missing them. And with Octavia now gone, that ache has grown tenfold. Morphed into anger for what he knew she was up to, for somehow somewhere, she’d pissed off the wrong people to where even the Preston name couldn’t quite save her soul. But her essence is everywhere, haunting the halls and whispering in ears. It’s all so very dramatic, so very her. He’d pour one out for her if he didn’t think she’d simper about his distaste for wasted wine. Her spirit was a mild comfort, a balm over a roughened wound. a bigger amusement than anything, a middle finger to those who’d ended her bright existence. A Preston knew how to fuck you over, that was made all the more clear with each report of her sightings. And god, did he love her for it.

➺ ( + ) and that at the very crux of it all, is what has brought him to ashcroft. A new scene for parties, new faces, and a remaining cousin who could use a shoulder to lean on. & those all look lovely on paper, but the fine print? Always read it carefully. For the smiles and charm are all Violette without a doubt. But the danger that lingers, the passion and fire that fuel his soul and border on the precipice of mania? Alexandre is Simon Preston’s son, that was never to be denied for long. And someone has wronged them all, taken things they had no right to take. Someone he considered to be a part of his heart. He doesn’t take kindly to such things, and so to Ashcroft he’s come. He is passion, recklessness, a hidden grief fueled by fleeting love wrapped in a shiny veneered package. He’s here to revel, to discover, to maybe even punish. If deemed necessary. Blood will always be blood, and for a man who’s always willing to go a little too far? It is all that remains.

➺ ( + ) as for what has qualified him for such a prestigious society upon his enrollment well, that is a mystery to some and a hard headline to others. His family’s connections? His relation to Wolfie? His letters of transfer from his classical composition professors back in London? As far as Xandre is concerned, it’s nothing more than a certain Oberon Ashcroft seeing he has a role to play, and one he plays rather well. Unassuming at first, a disarming charm soothing the blunt edges of his words. He says what he feels, and what he knows must be said. And due to that, he knows his worth, what he brings to the table. Knows how poorly it would look if he hadn’t been inducted. He brings a good time, a laugh, a chance to rebel against the societal norms and oppressions that leak from every pore of Ashcroft. But he also brings a weighted name, a wicked ability to decipher through the purple prose people can preach, to the truth at the core of it all. And he plays a mean Chopin, what can he say?

➺ ( + ) there is no way to wrap up all that he is, to summarize a man who is nothing short of a dichotomy, a symphony in fractured parts. Perhaps a jekyll and hyde of his own making, two heads of the same beast he wielded within his soul. for there was something to be said of being seen, eyes drawn to your every move, to feel the power of being adored, desired, craved. He is the devil on your shoulder, crooning saccharine words and screaming in triumph in a breadth. A gleam of mania tinging those baby blues when he pushes just so to get his way. He is that very symphony, a concerto who’s pace continues to drive faster and faster, upward and onward until its very PEAK, a cacophony of beauty and agony as notes ring out, clash, COLLIDE. and then, the briefest moment of silence. He has discovered the distractions his body can wield, but also the power to be found in stillness, in silence. At his lowest he craves it, aches to be surrounded by masses just once more to drown out the roaring in his mind, to draw it to ecstasy, to blissful silence. All leading up to the final, ringing note. Before the applause, of course. never deny yourself the applause. That had always been Lesson One.

                          ➺    A LETTER TO OCTAVIA:

Tavia —

Where do I start? You always knew how to make an entrance, tav. should’ve figured your exit would be the same. But…why the fuck wouldn’t you call me? Why wouldn’t you tell me the extent of just how bad shit had gotten so quickly? You knew no matter what I said, or how I complained or warned you off to be careful I would’ve been there in a heartbeat. You didn’t have to do this alone. I should’ve seen that and come the first time you called. Don’t haunt me for that. And that police chief mentioned a baby, Tav. You never– me of all people would have understood. You were the only one I ever told about Clara, how my dad paid her off. You never judged me for him, you understood. Let me get wasted and cry it out in that shitty suite in London. We could have made a club of it, you and me. Poor little Rich kids with secret kids. Poetic, no?  Poetic justice is bullshit in hindsight. And I just really, really miss you.

I’m sure everyone in these letters are telling you the reasons they adored you, how they’ll never forget you, the wild memories they’re sharing with you, that they say they’ll never forget. I don’t need to say all those things. You know I do, and you know I won’t forget. You’re a part of my heart, as battered and shriveled as we liked to joke it is. But apparently death makes us sentimental fools, so here’s this for you, because it’s 4am and the memory won’t leave my mind no matter how many times I close my eyes. That summer we spent, all of us, vacationing in that house on the riviera. Remember? I spent the day running around the grounds with Wolf and we’d laugh and tease like elder brothers do when you’d seek us out, pouting those lips and crocodile tears until we included you in our games. But when the sun set and dinner was long gone, you’d drag me into the tea room with that baby grand in the corner and demanded I play. You always were a determined thing, you brat. But you’d smile that smile and even I couldn’t fight the urge to sit and play your favorites.You sang along and danced and danced and danced until you were breathless with it. Only you could make dancing to britney fuckin’ spears look like an artform you know? You’d call me your co-star, and never let me hate myself for the mistakes, never laughed if I stumbled on a note. You were my biggest supporter that summer, but I was only one of your many adoring fans. That’s how it was supposed to be. That won’t change, I promise.

( A few tears stain the edges of that previous paragraph, angry, bitter droplets that he wipes away and slips the paper further to defend the onslaught of them. He sighs deeply, clears his throat. )

And look at you now, huh? Haunting your friends and your brother with the best of ‘em. Leave it to you to find a way to remain the star of the show even in death. I can see how it’s unravelling them. The ones who look too pale to be innocent, everyone here has a fucking secret. Thanks to you maybe we’ll see them all sooner than later. And what fun that’s gonna be. But do me a favor and haunt some hot freshman for me, will you? Whisper sweet nothings of my beauty in their ears, make it a good one. I’ll owe you one. You know I’m good for it.

I’ll watch over Wolfie. Of course I will.  I’ll get him piss drunk at that club you mentioned last time we talked, bring a few lines and a bottle of dom all just for you, gorgeous. I’m here now for him, for you. I’m here for what I should have done from the beginning. If you had to leave him —had to leave us, it won’t be for nothing.

I miss you, cherie. Visit me tonight in my dreams, alright? You can dance for me, I’ll play you a song.

We’ll make it a happy one, for old times sake.

                                                     -Xandre

[atamascolily]

The cover of Junior Jedi Knights #5: Vader's Fortress by Rebecca Moesta features Anakin and Artoo dodging blaster fire while Tahiri does a bad-ass leap and Darth Vader looms in the background. So I guess this next field trip is to wherever the hell Vader's fortress is located... and given that this book was published in 1997, I'm pretty sure it isn't Mustafar.

Readers, I squealed with delight when I realized they were actually going to Bast Castle on Vjun.

[cut for length and discussion of Dark Empire]

Vjun's first appearance was in Dark Empire, but it's the main setting for Sean Stewart's Clone War-era novel Yoda: Dark Rendezvous (2004), which happens to be one of the best Legends books ever. Period. Drop everything and go read it now. Stewart's Vjun is a Dark side Gothic horror wonderland full of crumbling castles, crazed nobility, and flesh-eating moss. I love it, and you will, too.

Vjun also appears in various video games, with no less than Kyle Katarn describing it as "a big, dead, important rock". High praise, indeed.

Oh, and if you're curious, Wookiepeedia says Vjun is "pronounced as "VAH-JUHN" in Star Wars: Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy, but in Star Wars Battlefront: Elite Squadron, it is pronounced as "VUHN"".... so anything goes, really.

Anyway, so having dealt with his heritage by going to Dagobah in the last book, the logical next step is for Anakin to actually go and visit Vader's castle in person. You know, exposure therapy. Right?

Okay, let's see what the text says.

Anakin, Tahiri and Uldir are hanging out on the landing pad on Yavin IV waiting for Tionne to show up. Tahiri loves Tionne so much, she doesn't mind waiting around, and she wishes she could have gone with Tionne on this latest trip to Borgo Prime and I just... I love their relationship, okay?

Tionne has a new ship - the Lore Seeker! Anakin uses the Force to determine it's in great shape despite its odd appearance. (It has sails to harness solar wind, lol!)

“I’m glad to hear you say that,” the Jedi instructor said with a smile. “I thought so, too. But because the ship was so old, I was able to buy it from a Randoni trader for a song.”

“How much did you really pay?” Uldir asked.

Tionne shrugged.

“Just a song. Really. While I was looking for Jedi legends, I came across an ancient song that told about the very firstRan - doni merchants and the vaults where they hid their wealth. The trader was so interested that she offered me the Lore Seeker in exchange for the song. Now come help me unload my cargo, and I’ll show you some of my other treasures.”

DID I MENTION I LOVE HER???

Also, Tionne got some other stuff, too:

“You may carry this Twi’lek story-chain, Tahiri-each link tells a different part of a story. Please be very careful with it. Uldir, here is a holodisk. It holds a recording of some very old Jedi songs. Anakin, would you please carry this scroll? I’ll take the tapestry.”’

AHHHHHH, I LOVE THIS.

But Tionne found out something else important "in an old fortress on a planet called Vjun" and this is where I started SCREAMING because I know exactly where this is going and this is such a great set-up - especially since none of the kids have a clue.

Of course, they want to go, and Tionne's trying to be diplomatic about it.

“Does anyone live in the fortress?” Anakin asked.

Tionne shook her head.

“Not anymore.”

“Well, if it’s really that important, don’t you think you ought to go find it?” Tahiri said. “And don’t forget that you promised to take me with you this time.”

“I’d like to go along, too,” Anakin added.

“Yeah, it sounds like fun,” Uldir said.

Tionne frowned.

“I’m not sure Master Skywalker will approve. It could be a bit dangerous."

LOLOLOLOL, since when has that ever stopped anybody in this series?? But according to Tionne, the danger isn't Sith ghosts or anything like that - it's other people trying to snag a certain treasure first.

And what is this special object? the kids want to know.

Tionne’s face lit with a wondering smile, and she gave a happy sigh.

“It’s Obi-Wan Kenobi’s lightsaber!”

ITS A MACGUFFIN! Also, given all of Vader’s issues with Obi-wan, the fact that he kept his old master’s lightsaber in his hidden Gothic Drama Castle is... something. But I digress.

Cut to Luke, being Luke.

Luke Skywalker, dressed in a comfortable black flightsuit, sat on the stone floor in the room where he meditated and did his office work. At the moment, though, Luke was not meditating. Before him in the center of the room stood his barrel-shaped blue and white droid, ArtooDetoo. It was time for Artoo’s routine cleaning. Anakin’s older sister Jaina often helped Luke with this chore, but the Jedi Master didn’t mind doing it himself. He actually found it relaxing. With his tools neatly laid out on the floor and fresh packets of lubricant beside him, Master Skywalker opened ArtooDetoo’s front panels and got to work.

After checking the droid’s numerous electrical connections, Luke added a few gadgets and upgrades Jaina had scrounged up for Artoo: a retractable mirror attachment, a power booster for the comm unit, and a new focusing lens for the hologram projector.

I'm sure NONE of these upgrades will come in handy later on in the book. Nope. Nope. Nope. Move along, nothing to see here, just a boy and his bro-bot.

Ikrit is hanging out on top of Artoo's head during all of this, when there's a knock at the door. Luke asks him to open the door and Ikrit DOES and I don't know why I find this so adorable, but I totally do. More of this, please.

Luke looked up from the packet of slippery lubricant he held in his hand, then smiled when he saw who his visitors were.

“Come in,” he said, “all of you.”

His words seemed to open an invisible dam, because people and noises instantly flooded into his quiet room. Luke laughed as everyone tried to talk to him at once.

“Master Skywalker, I have wonderful news,” Tionne said. “You’ll never guess in a million years,” Tahiri added.

“Can I go with them?” Anakin asked.

“Yeah, me too!” Uldir said.

News of Obi-wan's lightsaber makes Luke have all kinds of Feels (and a handy flashback for those who have forgotten the movies). Luke's like, Oh, yeah, Bast Castle, I've been there before back in Dark Empire when things got weird, and Anakin FREAKS OUT. Tionne's like, huh, maybe that's why my contact said only family had a right to claim the lightsaber then.

Tionne wants Luke to come with her, but Luke is meeting with Leia for pressing NR business, so Anakin volunteers to go as the family rep. I love that Luke looks at Ikrit first, and only says okay when Ikrit nods. Of course Uldir wants to come too, and Luke is about to say no, but Tionne's like "he's just going to stow away, so you might as well and the cargo hold on my ship is too small for him plus our stuff" so Luke caves. DID I MENTION HE'S A SOFTIE?? And with Artoo and Ikrit to help, Luke feels good about it, but again, he insists on the parental permission first.

[Oh, no, I just realized that Luke might not want to go back to Vjun after all the traumatic shit that went down in Dark Empire, and that's ALSO horrifying to contemplate. Like, it's not dangerous anymore, so he's okay with sending Anakin there with supervision, but he might not be eager to re-visit it? MY HEART.]

We skip that scene, though, and jump immediately to everyone in the Lore Seeker, and Tionne teaches them about lightsabers. Nomi Sunrider is namedropped (queen!) but overall lightsabers are reified, and I don't know how I feel about that tbh, even though they are admittedly SUPER COOL LASER SWORDS BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ.

Fortunately, Ikrit's there to say "Not All Jedi," since I am not, which catches Tionne off guard, since she didn't know he was a Jedi master. Tionne is apologetic about treating Ikrit like a pet, but Uldir continues to be a jerk, especially when Ikrit starts sharing his own personal trauma. And then Ikrit declaims about Anakin and Tahiri's powers, but graciously includes Uldir once Uldir pokes him about it.

The skies of Vjun are stormy, so it's a bumpy ride down. They land outside the castle instead of on the landing pad at the top because the weather is so awful. Anakin did his homework, and explains the situation (Dark Empire recap!):

“Did Uncle Luke tell you anything about the fortress itself?” Anakin asked.

“I don’t know much about it.”

“Well, I found out as much as I could before we left. Apparently Vader built Bast Castle as one of his private strongholds; he was a powerful man. After both he and Emperor Palpatine died, some of the Emperor’s followers brought a copy of Palpatine’s body here-a clone. This second Emperor was defeated too. Since then, the fortress has been abandoned, as far as we know.”

“I still don’t get it,” Uldir said to Anakin. “Why would your grandfather choose to build in such a desolate place?”

Oh, you sweet summer child.

They spy another shuttle, and Tahiri is forced to wear shoes again so they can climb up in the rain. It's basically the Stairs of Minas Morgul from LOTR, only the rain is turning to sleet. Artoo hates stairs and Ikrit rescues him when he falls off - but he can hack the door open, so that's good. The hall has a giant, larger-than-life statue of Darth Vader toppled over on the floor, because... drama.

Then the laser fire starts, and everybody ducks for cover. Artoo uses his newly-installed reviewed mirror to deflect the laster bolts, so they can disarm the automatic security system. Tionne steps in with her lightsaber when Artoo gets shot, and she and Ikrit start tossing random objects to block them while the kids race for the control panels and it's epic. The statue explodes and Artoo manages to hack the system right before he powers down.

Uldir clapped one hand down on Anakin’s shoulder. “Not half bad for a kid,” he said.

Quiet, you condescending fuck. Yes, I know, he's like 14, but he's still obnoxious as hell here.

Anyway, they repair Artoo, except he can't climb any more stairs (I'm so confused how he did it earlier, but okay), and they debate whether to split the party. The smart answer is always "No," but they eventually do anyway, because plot. Tahiri's just happy not to wear shoes. You'll be happy to know that the bathrooms still work. This whole thing feels like an RPG dungeon crawl and I'm HERE FOR IT.

Tahiri notices the floor's texture shifts and that turns out to be a clue and I LOVE THIS. There's a secret pit trap full of spkes, and then suddenly they're attacked by monsters. But eventually, the others find them and deduce that they're holograms. Anakin IDs himself to a door and it opens into a secret chamber... and then this happens:

At the same moment, a puff of smoke erupted in the doorway, and a dark-haired man with a neat beard, tawny eyes, and a deep purple cloak stood before them. The man threw back his head and laughed, although Anakin couldn’t see what was so funny.

“The powerful Mage of Exis Station thanks you,” he said. “I would never have found the lightsaber without your help.” He snatched the weapon from Tionne’s hand. “But I’ll take it now.”

Tahiri starts pestering this guy with questions and he is startled enough to admit he's the Mighty Orloc. Tahiri realizes he's a stage magician, but even so, he manages to open a trapdoor, sending Tionne and Ikrit elsewhere. The kids rush him, but there's smoke and when it clears, Orloc has vanished.

Ikrit and Tionne are fine, and they start looking to rejoin the kids, who are searching for them and/or Orloc. Artoo and Uldir take a tunnel while Tahiri and Anakin go up stairs. Everyone keeps tossing the stale Imperial ration bars they picked up earlier to test for traps, and the RP gamer  in me approves.

“What’s this?” Tahiri asked, pointing to a raised platform that held a huge tube made of black plasteel. Wires and hoses snaked out from the cylinder in all directions. She ran a hand along its smooth side and found some sort of control panel.

���This looks like the tubes they use to bury dead people in space,” Anakin said.

It's actually Vader's bedroom! They find a little hidden hologram of a young Luke and I just... can't even...

Anakin opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. The little hologram of a young Luke Skywalker turned in a slow circle, so that they could see it from every angle.

...Anakin felt a lump form in his throat. “My mom keeps holograms of me and Jacen and Jaina on her desk at work, and Dad has one of me and the twins in the Millennium Falcon. I think Darth Vader was just doing the same thing.”

“So maybe he wasn’t all bad,” Tahiri said in a soft voice.

Anakin starts to feel better about coming to Bast Castle, which is good, because he has Deep-Seated Issues that need to be resolved.

Meanwhile, Uldir sees the lightsaber as a magical talisman that will help him become a Jedi. He abandons Artoo and confronts Orloc, who draws the blade on him. Orloc offers to teach Uldir his powers if he'll come with him. Orloc's looking for the Holocron in Vader's private quarters, and Uldir is tempted, but ultimately turns him down because he realizes Orloc is a fraud.

Anakin and Tahiri find Orloc and Uldir and Tahiri slides down a pole to confront him. Orloc attacks her with the lightsaber. Tionne and Ikrit show up, and Artoo uses a high-frequency blast to distract Orloc long enough for Ikrit to yank the lightsaber with the Force. Orloc disappears, and Uldir mentions the Holocron in Vader's private quarters. So Anakin and Tahiri take them back there.

Tionne's like, let's GTFO, but Uldir suggests they test it, which is a mistake, but Tionne agrees. OF COURSE Orloc comes back and snags it. They chase Orloc through the castle, and there's a lot of trap door shenanigans, but ultimately Artoo helps save the day and they get the holocron back, even though Orloc conveniently escapes.

(Maybe I've been watching too much Scooby-Doo, but I honestly expected Orloc to say "And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you meddling kids and your talking [lagomorph]!" ...maybe in the next book?)

Ikrit suggests they use the ships in the hangar to fly down to the Lore Seeker instead of walking. Anakin suggests Ikrit keeps the ship, since he seems to enjoy piloting, and I don't know how Ikrit is piloting this thing since he's a lagomorph, but it makes him happy, and they all make it back to Yavin in two ships without incident, which means it's time for the inspirational moral!

“It feels good to be back,” he said with a sigh. Tahiri giggled. “That was certainly more of an adventure than I had bargained for.”

Tionne looked at her two students.

“Are you sorry you came with me?”

Anakin shook his head.

“The trip was worth making. I learned some interesting things about Darth Vader.”

“I learned to trust the Force and not just my eyes and ears,” Tahiri said.

“And we did find a lightsaber and a Holocron,” Anakin said.

“And a new ship for Ikrit,” Tahiri added. “So I think we’re glad we came along, but it may be a while before we go looking for adventures again.”

HAHAHAHA, right, kids. You just keep thinking that.

Ikrit names his ship the Sunrider after Nomi Sunrider, because he, too, stans a legend. Anakin and Tahiri ask if they can take the turbolift up to the Great Temple when Luke starts walking up the outside stairs, and Luke has NO IDEA WHY THEY HATE STAIRS, and... on that note, the book ends, with Luke being VERY confused. [I like that Moesta remembers the Great Temple has outside stairs, but... THE LAYOUT STILL MAKES NO SENSE!!!]

So, I don't know how to feel about this book. PROS: I love the character details with Luke, Ikrit, Tionne and Tahiri, and I like how all of the adults continue to be responsible while still allowing opportunities for the children to be competent and show initiative. It's great to see Bast Castle, and the whole thing has the feel of a classic RPG dungeon crawl. Yay for Artoo saving the day ON MULTIPLE OCCASIONS, lol.

CONS: Uldir is annoying, and I wish he'd stop being such a jerk. None of the characters have ever played RPGs and it shows in their lack of genre-savvy. And I guess we'll see Orloc again in the next book, because... it feels like there wasn't much resolution of that particular plot in this book... no resolution to who Orloc actually is, or what or why. I feel like this book is part one of a two-episode plot, and I wasn't expecting that, but okay.

It's unclear if Obi-wan's lightsaber has any further plot significance or if it's just a macguffin. Ditto the holocron. But given the next book is Kenobi's Blade, I suspect Orloc's going to try and snag both, and Uldir is going to have a Not-So-Secret Test of Character about it. (To be fair, he passed the one in this book, so he's not all bad, but he's so obnoxious, it's challenging for me to give him credit where it's due.)

This book also kinda sorta falls into the "Jedi lightsaber fetish" trope, which I hate. Don't get me wrong, I love the laser swords and they are freaking awesome, but I hate how everybody latches onto "Jedi = laser sword" business as a symbol of identity. I know, I know, Star Wars is really ambivalent about whether the Jedi are Space!Samurai or Space!Monks, and I just... lean more towards the latter than the former, I guess?? But like I said, the lightsaber is more of a macguffin here, and Ikrit at least lampshades the issue a little bit, so I feel better about it.  

Also, it just occurred to me it's unclear whether Tahiri hates shoes, sand, or stairs more, lol.

[fatui-harbingers]

Daenerys Targaryen changed my life for the better

I know, sounds dramatic but it’s not really! She kinda lead me down another (rather short) path of self reflection and self discovery, if you can call it that.

Just in case things get bad in the next episode, I just wanna say that watching one of Dany’s scenes literally changed my life (it's not gonna seem so dramatic once I explain lol) and its really gonna break my heart if they do any more wrong by her (but I don't really think they will) bc she's such an inspiration!

I was watching one of her scenes in season 6 when she was asking the Dothraki if they would be with her now and always and I got all emotional and nearly cried (which was the moment I realized my emotions were making a comeback lol) and then I suddenly realized after YEARS of planning that I actually didn't love the future I had in mind and wanted to be an actor. I had been planning for at least 2 years to be a cosmetologist bc it was more practical and I enjoyed doing things like that most days but it was starting to bore me (I just hadn't realized it till I was watching that scene!) I tried to talk myself back into my plans bc acting doesn't seem very practical and it's not taken very seriously till you're making a million dollars and everyone knows your name. I obviously know that I'm more likely to fail than succeed and I've done as much research on acting as I can (bc I was still trying to convince myself it wasn't worth the risk) buuuut I still wanted to do it.

I used to want to be a performer and a lot of that came from music being such a big thing in my family. That was probably the dream I held onto the longest before I realized it just wasn't for me and it isn't. I'm much better at acting and I always have been (I just didn't know it). After thinking back on my childhood I really do feel that I was made to act (even if not professionally bc I do have to act in front of family bc they're very close-minded people and they wouldn't accept my full identity I guess you could say). My sister and I always had this sort of improv thing going when we would play (as I'm sure lots of kids do). We were especially serious about it when we would play dolls (I still have those dolls and refuse to give them away bc of these memories) we would agree on the beginning of the “story” and just go from there and we usually came up with backstories for our dolls too. If it didn't feel real to us, we would start over. Sometimes we would just do things differently or create a whole new story, it would just depend. I don't know if lots of kids do that or not bc I didn't really play with anyone but my sister but we had to tell a whole story that felt real or we just weren't satisfied!

By the time I was 12, my sister and I had kinda grown apart and she refused to play with me anymore so, after a while of thinking it over, I decided to start writing fanfiction (and I've done it ever since). It felt more fun to write stories bc I was in complete control and my sister couldn't ruin my plans! It did feel kinda lonely though bc I didn't have that other person to connect with and enjoy my imagination with (I'm not someone that likes to write with others or share stories) but I eventually didn't care anymore. She said now she regrets ditching me bc she misses playing together but now that we’re both writing stories, she doesn't seem to care. I guess she’ll tell me once she reads this, if she does.

I still have a very active imagination (though it's a bit darker now bc apparently the older I get the darker I am lol) and I'm really happy I do and that my mom never tried to stop us from playing or enjoying our imagination together or apart. My mom was the bomb tbh. She would actually help us learn by having us talk or write about our current obsessions. Like once, I was having to start writing little essays for her (I think this one was a test run) and at the time, my sis and I were super into Monster High and she had me write about my favorite character and what I loved about them (I even got praise for my use of quotations, which I learned from reading above my grade level 😎). It was actually fun bc I was interested!

One reason that really got me thinking I should pursue acting was how much I can connect to a character when reading. I’m so empathetic it nearly kills me sometimes (I wouldn’t say I’m a full on empath like my sister). I cry when I read or watch anything now! I really started to realize how much I connect with certain characters and feel what they feel when I was reading Divergent. I really connected to Tris and understood her and could relate like I didn’t exactly have when I was reading Twilight. Could be nothing, like everything I’ve written here but it felt important to me so I’m just gonna go with it lol.

I have another reason to wish I could thank my mom in person bc she's the person that got me into Game of Thrones in the first place (and even knew I would love Daenerys and that she would be my fave). So, I wouldn't have seen that scene that changed all of my future plans for good if it weren't for her! I honestly don't expect a TV show to have such an impact on me but this one really did!

So now, anytime I watch that scene, I think wow this is the one scene that completely changed ALL of my plans and made me realize I had a dream I didn't know I had lol. That's me for ya! It's especially crazy bc I was like “I want job security! I want financial security!” and then abandon all my practical plans for the complete opposite. I'd rather not regret not chasing my dreams while I had the chance. And I would like to not wonder what life might have been like if I had when I'm older.

Surprisingly, pretty much everyone I've told has been nothing but supportive (except my dad really. He wants me to have a practical job bc he “doesn't wanna see me fail” or whatever) even my eye doctor that I had literally JUST MET!

And now when I watch any of Dany’s scenes I just get so emotional (I’m apparently emotionally fragile lol) and I’m just like “wow I love you so much”.

And of course, I know acting is anything but glamorous so I’m not just thinking about fame and red carpets (which actually freak me out bc I’m walking anxiety at this point) and I know it can be a very dirty, exhausting hands on job but knowing what it’s actually like to create movies and TV that people love forever, how hard it can be to do just made me want to do it more, strangely enough! I’m weird like that I guess lol.

So yeah, thanks Daenerys, for ruining my plans! Lol, she really is magick y’all. It’s hard to change my mind once I’ve made a plan! I’ve never loved a fictional character more, who actually inspires me in my day to day life like this. It’s crazy! Seriously, she made an awesome speech, not even directed at me and I’m just like “so yeah, let’s abandon all practical plans and go for the least practical career path possible. Sounds great!”

Watching Daenerys just makes me feel like I can do anything. She’s been through hell and I could not have survived what she has, ngl. Plus, I can relate to her better than other characters on the show (Jon is like the one dude I can relate to lol). I used to be able to relate to Sansa and Arya to some extent but they’ve never felt as relatable to me as Daenerys for some reason.

Realizing these things about myself and discovering a dream I didn’t know I had when my life plans were starting to feel less “me” made me nearly as happy as when I discovered feminism and felt like I had a purpose in life and a job to do that was bigger and more important than myself.

I dunno, I just love this fictional woman as much as my sister and cats (who mean the world to me btw) and she’s had such a positive impact on my life.

[drnucleus]

I don’t know what to expect from IX. I’m really hoping it is endgame and they don’t just drop the romance angle, but it’s also kind of what I’m expecting? Like I don’t expect follow-through from it, even though I would love it if it happened

Hi Nonnie, 

I totally get it. I understand that completely. Do I think it’s endgame? Yes. 

However am I going into IX with any expectations? NOPE. I’m a fandom granny. No seriously I have lived through so many fandoms that I simply go in with no expectations. That way if what I think might happen if even in some small way happens then I will be super happy and overjoyed and if it doesn’t I am usually able to divorce myself from my disappointment and respect the creator’s vision.

As a writer and someone who was professionally trained to do so, I know that creators have a vision. They have an endgame in mind. And they drop breadcrumbs about it from the beginning and if you’re clever enough to see them you usually can figure out any story. 

This is why I ruin police procedurals for my mom. My dad and I made a game of it watching Law and Order as a kid growing up (and I mean OG Law and Order with Det. Lenny Briscoe). Whomever could figure out who committed the murder first won. We used to keep a running tally. My dad was really good at it, but when I got really into reading and started reading mystery novels and horror novels and other stories that rely heavily on mystery boxes I started getting better at it. We also watched Law and Order because my two actor 2nd cousins have been guest stars as defense lawyers idk how many times but that’s neither here nor there.

And tbh ESB’s twist of Vader as Luke’s father came as such a shock because IDK if even Lucas really knew he was going to do it until he did it. Luckily the story was vague enough in ANH that a throw away line about certain points of view was enough to close what could have been a crippling plot hole. 

My mom is an OG Star wars fan. Mostly bc she loves the pew pew and the lightsaber battles, and secondly because Harrison Ford is a very handsome and talented man (tbh my first crush was Han Solo and second was Indy).

My mom was there when everyone was UP IN ARMS about Leia and Luke kissing. And how that was SOOOOOO going to be endgame. Which originally Lucas had intended that Leia would be a love interest for Luke and that the twin sister would be revealed in 7, 8 and 9 someday. However during writing ROTJ and filming ESB he decided to really hone in on Leia and Han’s chemistry (granted Irving was directing then) but he made the narrative choice to make Leia the sister and Han her love interest. It simultaneously elevated Leia’s narrative importance and made her the leading lady of her own story on equal footing to her equally powerful twin brother instead of just being Luke’s sidekick love interest.

Even when I was a KID and I saw ESB it always kind of made me laugh that Leia’s response to Han goading her about liking him was to smack lips with the only other humanoid male in the room just to prove how NOT smitten she was with Han. (AND if that doesn’t make her simultaneously Padme and Anakin’s child I don’t know what will convince you otherwise).

TPM came out when was was 13 and a half which will be 20 yrs ago next May - HOLY FUCK. And I’ve been an avid reader since I could read so I had gobbled up countless numbers of books by then. I was in the theater with my parents and legit held my hand up over Ian’s eyes and gasped and tugged on my mom’s sleeve. 

“Mom that’s THE EMPEROR” and she was like “No honey he’s just a senator who’s now chancellor of the republic”

And this was still in the age of Dial-up internet and no IMDB. So I did my own digging and found our VHS copies of the OT and looked at the cast listing at the end of the movie. And saw the same name playing the Emperor as the man playing Senator-Chancellor Sheev Palpatine. Now the movies in the OT never actually say the Emperor’s real name. He’s just the shadowy, scary Emperor with lightning bolts shooting out of his hands. So like we knew in TPM that Palpy was going to become the emperor. Now say what you will about the Prequels but Lucas did do a fair bit of narrative arc planning with it than what he threw together with the OT. 

He knew we had to meet Anakin as a boy, see him as a caring and compassionate individual who is uniquely gifted in the Force. And that had circumstances been different he would have probably been the paragon force sensitive and balanced the force. However due to realistic flaws of all characters, good and bad alike, including flaws within Anakin’s character himself he falls prey to the darkside and it’s temptations and then becomes the very thing he feared.

Tbh next to TLJ, ROTS is right up there with ESB as my favorite in the saga. Sure the dialogue is wooden and clunky. Lucas is not a dialogue director. He’s a vision director. He has a scene in his mind, and he wants it played like that. Which is fine. He also came from a school of thought in the 1970s where sci-fi was pure camp and overdramatic. His style never really changed. The OT is so lauded because he didn’t direct all of them. He had other people come in and he had script doctoring and his first wife in the editing room taking his vision and turning it into a cohesive narrative. We seem to forget that Lucas was a young dude right out of film school when he made ANH. He barely knew how to string a narrative together and the early cuts of ANH were terrible and nowhere near what people saw in the theater. Don’t believe me? Google “how star wars was saved in the editing room” it’s a remarkable story about how Lucas’s first wife and principal editor basically made ANH into an actual story instead of a mish mash of ideas that it was before. The prequels had Lucas at the helm for all three. Yes by then he had gotten a hold of narratively what he wanted to convey, but he still didn’t always convey it in the most efficient ways.

But there are moments in the prequels that I’m stunned by their perfection. “This is how liberty dies? With thunderous applause.” as Padme watches in horror as the Republic becomes an empire before her eyes. It’s perfect to convey the horror she feels and her disgust at what the thing she’s fought for so long to just crumble and slip away. 

Or the entirety of the Anakin v. Obi Wan Mustafar battle. Visually STUNNING, and heartbreaking. You can feel how much neither of them want to fight the other but how they both are so entrenched in their now opposite ideologies that they know they have to fight. 

I’ve also been a fan of JJ’s for a long time. 

Sure he loves mystery boxes but he usually makes the answer SO obvious that most people ignore it. 

Like on Lost which I never actually watched save for maybe a few episodes, it’s pretty clear that something metaphysical is going on in that island with the crash. And there are clues dating back to the pilot as to what happened in the finale. 

In TFA we’re introduced to Rey. We’re given a mystery box of who is Rey and why is she important and who is her family. But we’re also given the answer. She’s no one. And that’s why she’s important. She is no one. She doesn’t need to have this huge galactic sized legacy on her shoulders to be important, to be special. SHE IS NO ONE. And that’s why the Force chose her as its vessel. 

Reason why is that she’s narratively the perfect foil for her counterpart Ben Solo/Kylo Ren. He has all that legacy and weight on his shoulders. They’re equals in power in strength, in light and darkness. They are complete equals. And TFA was all about establishing that fact. Now TLJ was all about deepening that initial connection. To get them both to scratch beneath the surface of one another, and get under one another’s skin. In doing so Ben learned that Rey just wants to belong, to be loved and have a place in the galaxy. And Rey, she learned that Ben is just as lonely, but has rejected his birthright because he felt rejected and abandoned by those who should have unconditionally loved and protected him from Snoke (which granted OT Trio tried but they def didn’t have great parenting examples either sooooo).

Now as an adult Ben is bitter, full of resentment and rage because the people he should have been able to count on fucked up royally. And I love that. I resonate with it because of my own experiences as an abuse survivor too. But even more so because it makes Han, Leia and Luke less perfect legends and more human. It makes them real and relatable that they tried to do everything right by their kiddo but ended up fucking him up.  Luke’s betrayal itself was the least shocking part of TLJ tbh. Like does no one remember him going ABSOLUTELY banana balls insane when Vader threatened Leia in ROTJ?

That kind of Skywalker level extra doesn’t just go away with age. 

And yeah Ben needed someone in the fam to be like “so kid, um, lets talk about this.” No one in the OT Trio is good at talking about their feelings. Luke tries to control his by just not dealing with it - the kind of thing you’d expect from a “pray the depression away” type. Leia ignores it and bottles that shit until it comes out as thinly veiled anger. And Han is the most ridiculous of the three with his constant hot and cold routine throughout ESB.

The ST is yes about the failures of the OT trio, the failures of the Jedi and the Sith. But it’s also a story about the force and it’s two chosen vessels. A girl from nowhere and the last scion of the Skywalker line. The fact that their connections in TLJ are coded as sexual awakenings is very indicative of where I think this is all going to go. The Force is basically the Skywalker Patriarch if we’re going on the whole immaculate conception with Shmi. And Ben fell from his path for years now thanks to the other Skywalkers falling from the path and inadvertently pushing him down the rabbit hole with Snoke, manipulating everything like a master of puppets. 

JJ himself even said he was upset that he didn’t get to direct TLJ because he loved Rian’s script so much. 

I have faith we’re going to get a hell of a finish to the 9 film Skywalker saga. With Reylo as endgame or not I think we’re going to get something truly satisfying that links all 9 movies together in a way that will have meta writers writing for years to come about all the parallels and thematic Leitmotifs within the narrative as a whole that encompasses technically 4 generations of Skywalkers (Shmi, Anakin, Luke/Leia, and Ben).

When Ben killed Han in TFA and you get that focused in shot of Adam’s face as the weight of what he just did HITS him and his eyes widen and his lips part, you see the exact moment he shatters his soul realizing that he just seriously fucked up. I leaned over to my best friend that night in the midnight showing and said “do you smell redemption arc?” and I’ve been on that train from day one. 

If he were truly irredeemable he wouldn’t have split his spirit to the bone by killing his father. He wouldn’t have cared to try to convince Rey to be her teacher in the middle of their battle. He wouldn’t care that Rey stares at him like she did that night and call him a monster. A real monster wouldn’t care at being called one. And is so very shook and pained by that moniker with his lower lip quiver and his eyes red rimmed. If he were truly irredeemable he wouldn’t have killed his master just to save the girl, he’d have just usurped power and shrugged her off instead of trying to convince her to stay with him. He wouldn’t have addressed her fear and insecurity of being nothing and no one while shaking his head and saying ���but not to me”. If he were truly a monster he would have pulled the damn trigger when his had the bridge of the Raddus in his sights but couldn’t because he felt his mother’s love for him even after everything he’s done.

Has he done terrible things? YES. He definitely has. But he has the equal potential for amazing things as much as he has for the terrible things he’s done. And I for one will be happy to see him begin to even slightly embrace that potential by the end of ep 9. Reylo or no Reylo I’m sure I’m going to be happy with ep 9. There’s no way Adam and so many other brilliant actors would have signed on without at least knowing where this is all gonna go. Adam himself was hesitant to take on the burden of SW but was convinced to do so because of the complexity of Ben’s character. That to me says we’re getting something amazing in ep9. And I can’t wait.

[tennyo-elf]

Thoughts on Cullen, both negative and positive:

Okay, so life crap aside (’cause if you think my hiatus isn’t life BS, you’d be wrong), I am slowly making my way back to Dragon Age. I started a new play through of DAI and I’m rerolling my Ellana (ofc, I love her too much - AND I have to get back to my last ME3 pt too, ‘cause I want to do a video series with ME after that). So generally, getting back into DA and ME makes me happier.

I’ve always liked Cullen! Ellana romances and marries him! This blogs has reblogged tons of gifs and images of him. But, sadly, I can finally see the haters POV, and pretty clearly too. Yet it all comes from Haven/Pre-Skyhold/that one convo after his Lyrium decision.

First, the way he speaks of Kirkwall, like he mentions only the bad things the mages did, like the templars didn’t have a hand in that chaos, and normally I’d say Cullen is blindsided but he knows better here (I’m thinking/hoping it’s just a knee jerk reaction). Then he speaks about how the mages watch the Templars just as much as the Templars watch the mages and states it pretty cluelessly, as if he doesn’t know why - which he honestly may not (the mages are scared and see you guys a jailers/executioners/oppressors/etc  !!***!!). Then later he states he fears for Redcliffe because the rebel mages are there - I know he worries about bad things happening (and bad things did happen, but not because of the mages, because of Alexius) but that means he doesn’t trust mages or think them capable of restraint.. It’s not in your face mage discrimination, but you can clearly see how he still thinks lowly about mages. He is still very much a Templar in thought and action at this time, despite how he wants to get away from the Order. I can see how and why people who don’t like Cullen, would go “ugh” with Cullen and never give him another chance. I’m yelling at Cullen on my screen, because he is too narrow minded during this time (just like I yell at Solas, whom I also love, lol).

I’m so conflicted right now, because I know Cullen gets better, even subtly, later on, but we don’t get the solid details on it. All we get are hints and only if you romance him as a mage. When talking about Maddox and how Meredith wielded the Tranquil brand for far lesser offences, Cullen does seem mad or finds the memory distasteful, but he never tells us what he thinks about it. Unless you count the whole “Meredith’s methods were harsh but they kept people safe” spiel. I don’t like his solution because he ends it with the words “neither freedom nor prison” (dude, your mage gf is right there, you don’t want her free?????). That hints he now realises that it’s a prison for mages or that mages see it that way. That’s something, a start, and it’s a different mindset than at Haven. After that I don’t remember if there is much from Cullen about mages anymore. (His silly worries about the Eluvian is actually pretty funny, because, one, if you joke with him he realizes he shouldn’t worry, and two, he verbally pouts when he states that “he not unreasonable” - it makes me wonder how much contemplation he gives to his opinions or thoughts, because sometimes it seems like he doesnt, while other times he does).

I’ve noticed how he finds it difficult to be or think in someone else’s shoes, not until they knock him over the head with their own experiences. He wrongly thinks about how Tranquillity was created by mages too (the truth is he is very much a parrot to Chantry indoctrination, until otherwise informed but even informed it takes him time to turn around and face the truth). And he is very set in his ways but seems to want to change himself or just not be who he was in DA2. I know he wants to be a good man and wants to protect people (that’s the core of his character and why I like him). He has seen the dangers of magic and I don’t disagree that protections against magical misuse should be in place, but the subject seems to cloud his judgement (and of course it does after what he went through in the Circle of Ferelden). But he doesn’t take nonsense from the Chantry, even though he is very devout, which makes him paradoxical at times too. He is also very unforgiving of those who do wrong, even if it was just an honest mistake, so his mercy bar is low. And yet he needs mercy too, says it himself at the end of the base game (he if it was him, he wouldn’t have given himself another chance).

It’s just, Cullen’s character is layered, and he has done good things (among his bad). And besides Leliana, and besides his botched and ridiculous suggestions for the Clan Lavellan War Tables mission, he actually has some of the best options for a lot of the elvhen centred war table missions. I mean, can someone who wants to change, to be a better person, makes friends with mages, dwarves, qunari, and is around an Inquisitor who makes Leliana Divine, still be stuck in that pre-Skyhold mentality?

I don’t know where I’m going with this. I’m just angry we don’t have a really proper redemption arc for Cullen (and yes, I agree a lot with the idea of DAI only having a recovery arc for him, but that means Cullen still needs a redemption arc and if you don’t want him DA4, how is he going to get that????). We really don’t see him change more from the beginning of the game. Like we get hints, to a subtle shift in his character, and it’s not apparent and can be easily missed or overlooked or even dismissed as Cullen not having changed a bit. It’s so easy to make your own version of Cullen. I choose to see him as changed and that having a Dalish mage lover than later wife, really opens his eyes to a different world he hadn’t seen before due to his insular life as a Templar within a very awful Chantry.

And like, I get the feeling that Cullen can’t shift too fast either because if he acknowledges that “what good he did” as a Templar was just bad/evil like murder evil in general he’d falter or come completely undone, and that can’t happen during DAI because he needs to command the army. Like, hey, that mage that failed her harrowing? If you just dampened her magic for a bit, you could have removed the demon and saved her life (admittingly that risks other lives) but there were options to give mages more chances at life, a better life, within in the Circle. Harrowings are evil, and I want Cullen to get that. Cullen needed more tbh, for him to be more generally likeable. His opinion  about mages, in the beginning of DAI, is annoying and infuriating.

Slowly he stops talking about mages and seems slightly more reasonable near the end, but it’s almost too subtle, or just plain unclear just how much he has changed. I understand he won’t be 100% pro-mage because of what happened in the Circle of Ferelden, but like being around mages, free mages no less, who don’t go spewing blood magic or summon demons willy nilly, etc, should have made a dent in his thick skull! I headcanon that it does, because knowing what I know of Cullen, it seems natural to me that he would learn and be better, slowly but surely. His stubborn, very stubborn, but to me his shift from DA2 to DAI means that he is capable of re-evaluating previously held beliefs. So what’s stopping someone like that from learning even more though proper guidance and exposure?  He’d always have certain traits, he’d always be devout to the Maker, but wouldn't evidence during DAI show him that mages can be free to govern themselves? We never find out though just how much his opinions can change though. We don’t hear his opinions or thoughts on the matter at all in the end (what does he think about Adamant or Mythal or Solas, on the College of Mages and the allianced mages who successful ran themselves?). That is what frustrates me so much!!! I just want a clear answer, if Cullen is around a pro-mage Inquisitor, who allies with the mages, and then has Leliana Divine, does that help him grow out of all that up there that has me yelling at him? I want it to be so, but that fact is it’s unclear, that DA4 might not mention it, or that if Cullen is in DA4 we won’t get to see how much he changed because he’ll be a quick guest appearance or..?

And throwing this out there, I like how he says to a Dalish LI, “I want your promise to be true” in such a serious tone, when they mention needing Dalish vows. But does that mean he cares about her faith or respects it (which seems like he would do, by this time, he’d need time to respect another faith besides his own at first)? Or he doesn’t care if she like recites some demonic passage to some daedric princes, so long as she marries him....(because he can be a stubborn, ignorant toad sometimes that needs to be taught)? We don’t know because we never get a chance for a Dalish LI to speak with Cullen about faith...

!!***!!Just came to me, Cullen is not very observant/is pretty ignorant about things. I don’t think he lies about things (that would be OOC for him), he just talks erroneously about things he doesn’t know anything about. (Thus, again, he needs better guidance...so would a pro-mage, pro-elf, merciful leader like my Ellana, truly help him change for the better?)

I still love Cullen, but my boy is problematic AF.  And I honestly believe bioware didn’t do him right (on point, to my liking, which I know others will disagree). Bioware either brushed off what he did or what he believes since they don’t think it’s a big deal, or because of time and budget, maybe they just couldn’t give him more of an arc. Or maybe Cullen is too much of a side character to get more story. Companions did have more than Advisors, so knowing that, I want Cullen as a companion is DA4 so he can get that arc I want him to have? Wishful thinking, I know. But tin foil hat on, maybe that’s why it’s only a recovery arc now, so later on, they can delve into more of his story? (Doubt it, wishful thinking AGAIN. But if what your Inquisitor did in DAI can vastly change him in DA4 and he has to go through that process of change. I mean, it shows just how much influence the Inquisitor had on her inner-circle and the world of Thedas?)