#I’m very wrong to say that and it’s misleading. it’s one of the *secret* difficulty altering things for the check

[flhoarder]

Never forget that if Harry throws up on day 1, he gives the working class woman the handkerchief he uses to wipe sick off his mouth for her tears

[mybg3notebook]

Gale: Hypothesis and Analogies – Part 1

Here, I compile several hypotheses that are pretty common to find around, expressing my opinion on them and showing what EA has given us so far to justify them or not. 

Disclaimer Game Version: All these analyses were written up to the game version v4.1.104.3536 (Early access). As long as new content is added, and as long as I have free time for that, I will try to keep updating this information. Written in June 2021.

Disclaimer about interpretations of Real Life concepts: I’m not a fan of bringing real life issues into plain analogies/allegories in a game which intention in doing so was not made explicit, but the fandom seems to like this aspect and therefore I would like to share those opinions here as well since some seems reasonable despite not being of my taste. This topic may be sensitive for some people. Be aware of it.

Hypothesis: Gale was groomed

Concept

Grooming is building a relationship, trust, and emotional connection with a child or young person (and sometimes their family as well) to lower the child's inhibitions with the objective of sexual abuse. Grooming allows offenders to slowly overcome natural boundaries long before sexual abuse occurs. On the surface, grooming a child can look like a close relationship between the offending adult, the targeted child and (potentially) the child’s caregivers. The grooming process is often misleading because the offender may be well-known or highly regarded in the community. As a result, it’s easy to trust them. Although grooming is more common among children, it may happen with adults too, especially in work environments.

Stages: First, perpetrators may target and exploit a child’s perceived vulnerabilities: emotional neediness, isolation, neglect, a chaotic home life, or lack of parental oversight, etc. They work to gain the trust of parents/caregivers to lower suspicion.

Once the perpetrator begins to fill the child's needs, they may assume a more important role in the child's life. Perpetrators utilize tactics such as gift giving, flattery, gifting money, and meeting other basic needs. Tactics may also include increased attention and affection towards the targeted child. The perpetrator uses isolation tactics to reinforce their relationship with the child by creating situations in which they are alone together or by cultivating a sense that they love and understand the child in a way that others, even their parents, cannot. 

Once emotional dependence and trust have been built, the perpetrator progressively sexualizes the relationship. When sexual abuse is occurring, perpetrators commonly use emotional manipulation; they make the child believe they are the only person who can meet their emotional and material needs. The child may feel that the loss of the relationship, or the consequences of exposing it, will be more damaging and humiliating than continuing the unhealthy relationship. 

Behavioural consequence

The consequences on victims of grooming tend to be very different depending on the victim's age, personality, and psychology, but some broad leftover traits or behaviours can be summarised as:

They are too eager to please and have a great avoidance of angering others.

Big desire for privacy: they know others will not understand what they lived.

The victim becomes withdrawn, or they may seem troubled by something but unwilling to talk about it. Alternatively, their emotions might become more volatile.

They tend to be unaware of the abuse for a long while even after the relationship ended. 

If they are aware, they tend to display shame and embarrassment for what happened.

They can suffer abandonment issues depending on the way this relationship ended. 

They tend to develop difficulties to maintain relationships.

This situation tends to be particularly invisible or dismissed for men and boys due to social norms about masculinity.

Inside the context of BG3

First, it's important to estimate Gale's age. More or less the fandom agrees he is currently (1492DR) in his early 30s. Mystra returned in 1479DR (read the post about "Mystra and her Chosen ones" for details), so Mystra may have lured Gale into serving her as Chosen when he was around 17 years old (this depends on every player’s perception of Gale’s age)

This gives us a good estimation of the context: When Mystra returned thanks to Elminster—who gave her most of his Silver Fire—she immediately started to strengthen her network of Chosen ones and to work on repairing the Weave to its original state. Due to this unique context, Gale may have been observed by Mystra as a precious asset: a very young wizard who could not only control the Weave but compose it: a great skill to repair a still weak Weave. Furthermore, in the novel Dead Masks (1491DR), it is stated that the best way to cast a spell with a weakened Weave is to "twist" it instead of using it for tapping into the Raw Magic. In this book it is not clear if this is a skill that only Chosen ones have, but it has a strong similarity with Gale's skills.

Although we don't know much about Gale's childhood, if he was neglected or not as a child to be more easily lured by the Goddess, we can agree that it's most likely that Mystra has been watching him as a potential candidate since a child. Gale explicitly says: "I’ve been in touch with the Weave for as long as I can remember". And as far as Forgotten Realms lore goes, Weave and Mystra are the same. We also know that this is a common behaviour of Mystra who has been watching precocious, skilful wizards before choosing them for her goals: for example, Midnight. 

When Gale reached an age that could be considered a "(very) young man", she seduced him, using his passion and love for Magic to lure him. She offered him a deep connection with her and with the Weave: with Magic itself. After seeing Gale's passion for magic, it is understandable that he—as a teenager or a young man—must have been dazzled by her and her proposal. We know that, in the novel Elminster: a mage in the making, she offered to Elminster exactly what he wanted the most: power to make his revenge possible . By the end of the encounter, Elminster became “charmed” by her despite hating her throughout all his life, turning into her devotee. This situation can be interpreted as another example of how Mystra works: she seems to lure her potential Chosen with the promise of giving them what they are most passionate about.

Once Mystra slept with her Chosen, and imbued her divine essence on them, she left them to their own devices, making them wait for her commands. In Elminster’s and Sammaster ‘s case, both were put under tests, being forced—by their own drive to please the Goddess—to develop more magic and personal skills to serve her. In the process, both developed an obsession for her. Elminster's seems to be less self-destructive than Sammaster's, but the latter could be understandable since he always suffered from madness. My point is, the pattern continues with Gale: driven by this obsession of wanting Mystra close, to please her, Gale tried to control an ancient magic, and failed, being abandoned by Mystra due to this mistake.

Gale, according to this interpretation as a victim of grooming, is still stuck in the process: he wants to please Mystra, wants to right his wrongs, even though in some scenes he seems to have been over her, in others he still seems to be very attached to her (it's hard to know which is the most accurate since it's EA and Gale was rushed), he keeps all this trouble in private because he knows nobody will understand.

Unlike an adult who realised he was victim of grooming, Gale seems to be still not over that relationship, showing many of the behavioural consequences: 

Gale is a person who is always eager to please and avoid confrontations. If there is no choice he will use violent means, but he will always push for diplomatic approaches [1,2]. This trait seems to favour this interpretation.

He has a strong sense of privacy to the point that he is considered "shady". A lot of that desire for privacy may come from the fact that he knows no one will understand the unique relationship he had with a bigger entity. This can be seen by choosing the meanest options during the Weave and the Loss. Despite his many troubles, he remains secretive, acknowledging that "some things can't be spoken". 

He is completely unaware of having been a victim of such power imbalance. He doesn't see abuse in it, and he is not performative about this fact, since he is very private on the topic until very late in game.

Nobody can deny his abandonment issues (which are even explicitly pointed out in the dev's notes) [20]

We can infer, by all the information given, that Mystra has been his first (and presumably only) relationship so far, giving a possible hint that he may have decided not to enter another relationship again or may have felt apprehensive about it (even though I personally think this impediment is mainly caused by the “orb”).

I don't completely subscribe to this interpretation because I don’t think Mystra’s main goal has been sexual abuse, but the creation of servants and devotees that allow her to expand her power. To do so, she uses sex as part of the “ritual” that transforms certain mortals into Chosen Ones. The way in which this is indirectly explained in the novels makes me remember the concept of Zeus and his abuse of mortals: he spreads part of his divinity in the form of demi-god offspring. In Mystra’s case, she seems to leave part of her divinity in the Chosen one that slept with her: the “seed” of semi-divinity. 

However, it’s not clear if sleeping with her Chosen ones is a procedure she always does. Her daughters may have inherited her divinity when she conceived them while possessing a mortal body, but other female Chosen Ones seemed to be out of this process. Ed Greedwood also has a constant discourse in his novels where he explains that magic is “better” understood or much easily wielded by females because “they are connected to their emotions” and another stereotype of this kind. What seems to be clear is that Forgotten Realm lore hides as much as possible its queerness, and when it comes to Mystra, this habit of sleeping with her Chosen seems to apply (or at least make it more explicit) only to male mortals. So in short, her main goal was to catch another useful mortal to her group of Chosen Ones, and to do so, she lured Gale with all what she could offer. I also believe gods are gods, and they are immensely overpowered and entitled to do whatever they want in this fantasy world. They don't follow mortal rules, so they may have little scruples to do anything they see necessary to achieve their own goals, no matter if the consequences of their actions affect children, teenagers, or adults. 

Mystra in particular has been a very neutral goddess (due to her many rebirths), not particularly cruel as an evil deity could be, but not completely selfless either: she has conceived her daughters using a mortal vessel who previously gave her consent but without knowing the consequences of giving birth each year for a decade while containing a goddess inside. Mystra also profited off of Sammaster's madness (some Harpers who wrote Sammaster’s reports suspect she could have been able to cure him): she may have actively decided not to in order to let his genius madness increase her realm of power/magic. Therefore, Mystra may have had little scruples to use a very young Gale enamoured with magic to turn him into another Chosen whose skills could fix the Weave given the context that it had been severely weakened after the Spellplague. So the grooming is not completely misplaced in my opinion.

Gale's Chosen selection process is not different to what we can read in the book of the Cult of the Dragon, where Sammaster became obsessed with Mystra after sleeping with her and developed metamagic as a consequence to impress her. Or in the novel Elminster, the making of a mage, where Elmister originally despised Mystra and every magic user. However, after being in her presence, he fell for her charm, and never could get over his "love" for her, suffering a lot of painful circumstances to just be a "good devotee" and serve her.

Mystra is written in most novels as the living allegory of the beautiful "mean" woman who will always ask for more from her poor captivated men, but she will never be completely satisfied, no matter how much they sacrifice. She acknowledges the effort, but she is always asking for more. Only with Elminster she actively tried to save him from the Hells, showing, for a change, that her Chosen can be a bit more than mere pawns in the big game of divine power. However, it's important to highlight that the last rebirth of Mystra has changed her: in the novel Dead Masks some of the Seven Sisters explicitly say that Mystra has turned paranoid, asking each of her Chosen to do missions that the others cannot know. She has become more secretive and cryptic than ever. 

Mystra's actions seem to have worse connotation if we think that she can have visions of the future, as she had when she decided that Sammaster had to be her Chosen: she had foresaw the death of another Chosen and she wanted him to fill that vacuum before the event happened. So she may have foreseen Gale’s actions in his naive way to impress her. Maybe she wanted him to do it, so she could have a new piece of magic in her realm. But this is mere speculation, we will need the full release of the game to have the answer.

As I explained, despite not being a fan of it, the interpretation of grooming is not a bad one. It fits mostly if it's applied to a teenage boy, and probably it would have been taken a bit more seriously and less prone to jokes inside the fandom if Gale were a female character and Mystra a male God. 

Hypothesis: Gale has abandonment Issues

Concept

Abandonment issues arise when an individual has a strong fear of losing loved ones. A fear of abandonment is a form of anxiety. It often begins in childhood when a child experiences a traumatic loss. Children who go through this experience may then begin to fear losing other important people in their lives. Some individuals continue to fear abandonment as they grow older. Although it is less common, abandonment issues can also sometimes begin in adulthood. 

The loss often stems from a trauma, such as a death or divorce. Emotional abandonment, where a parent or caregiver is physically present but emotionally absent, may also give rise to abandonment issues later in life. It is not clear what makes one person develop this fear, since not all humans who have experienced similar losses do it. Trauma — potentially from abuse or poverty — may play a role, as may the level of emotional support that a person receives following a loss. These issues can have a significant effect on a person’s life and relationships because they fear that the other person will leave them at any moment. 

Behavioural signs/consequences

Being overly eager to please ( a “people pleaser”) 

Pushing others away to avoid rejection

Jealousy of the partner or the others when in a relationship.

Trouble trusting their partner's intentions.

Feeling insecure about their relationships.

Codependency

Need for continuous reassurance that others love them and will stay with them

Persisting in unhealthy relationships

Inability to maintain relationships: or moving quickly from one relationship to another or sabotaging them

Inside the context of BG3

I'm not going to explain this in great detail since it's spread in most of the posts I’ve done about Gale's analysis. What it's clear is that Gale has a constant fear for abandonment once he starts caring for Tav as a friend or/and lover, and this fear makes him prone to do things of poor taste. This fear seems to make him look for acceptance that only through a night of intimacy can give him. This information is apparently in the book he read, making us guess that his experience with relationships is rather poor if nonexistent. Dev's notes also reinforce the idea that Gale fears abandonment:

Gale: It is my truth, finally revealed. It is this folly that led Mystra to abandon me completely. I can only hope you won’t abandon me as well. After all we’ve been through. After the night we spent together. Surely we can brave even this side by side Dev's note: Solemn. Full of yearning, his news will not lead to him being abandoned by the player. 

Gale: Loyalty is such a… such a very rare commodity. Dev's note: The reference to loyalty foreshadows Mystra leaving him. 

So far in EA, we can see that Gale checks some behavioural consequences of this fear: he is always eager to please, approaching Tav with courtesy and jovial manners, only displaying his most acidic side to a Tav whose actions are evil. In that case, Gale cares little if Tav leaves him. With the Loss scene we can see that it is hard for him to give his trust to others, pushing them away because they would not understand the grave mistake he made. His trust demands constant progression from the Stew scene, to the Weave, to the Loss scene. If he is romanced, he asks several times if Tav is thinking of the Weave moment. When Tav asks him this question, Gale will deflect, always asking back to have Tav’s answer first before giving his: it could be interpreted as Gale looking for constant reassurance in the blooming relationship. 

However, in my opinion, the best situation that shows his abandonment issues is during our meeting with Gandrel. Gale disapproves of handing over Astarion, by telling Tav about an anecdote of a dog turning old and mean: how his friend got rid of the animal just because it was an inconvenience. This is very curious since Gale's mistrust for Astarion is not a secret: he stated many times that Astarion is a danger to the group, and his wickedness causes him to strongly dislike him. The reason for this is quite obvious if we see both lists of approvals: mostly what one approves the other disapproves. Despite all this, Gale strongly judges Tav for handing Astarion over, and his disapproval for doing it shows that Gale is not lying on the matter: the meta-knowledge is trustworthy information. 

This can be understood better when Tav defends Astarion against Gandrel: Gale approves twice of defending him. If Astarion is not in the group when meeting the monster hunter, the first approval happens when Tav recognises that Astarion is part of their companions/friends (therefore, Tav is showing care for their group). The second approval happens when Tav reinforces their loyalty to Astarion insisting that they won’t give his location (this is a clear display of loyalty that Gale acknowledges as rare. See the post of "Gale Hypotheses- Part 2", section: "Proposition to Cheat" for more details). Although Gale will explicitly question this decision, he secretly approved it (the approvals we saw are meta-knowledge: only the player sees them). Considering the undeniable context that Gale deeply dislikes Astarion, we may interpret this as Gale seeing in Tav a loyal person who will not abandon someone they care for, even if that person endangers them. Loyalty is something that resounds deeply in Gale due to his abandonment issues. 

 Another detail on this matter can be seen during the party. If Tav arranges spending the night with a companion and then asks (non-romanced) Gale the same, he will answer:

Gale: You are all too quick to abandon the one you promised yourself to. It’s not a quality I admire.

This line shows that first, Gale is not interested in casual sex; he needs the connection that the Weave provides and Tav’s explicit, previous romantic interest in it. Second, when Gale is romanced but Tav sleeps with someone else, Gale will not interfere in that affair, but he may not like it (due to his, I suppose, jealous comment since he doesn’t display an approval penalty for this). However, he seems to equate loyalty with commitment, understanding that affair as a fling but believing he still holds the romantic interest of Tav, hence his proposition the next day. More details in the post of "Gale Hypotheses- Part 2", section: "Proposition to Cheat".

---------

Sources for both parts:

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders ( 5V)

Some concepts were summarised from: https://melcrowecounsellor.com www.d2l.org/child-grooming-signs-behavior-awareness/

This post was written in June 2021. → For more Gale: Analysis Series Index

[gibberingcultist]

The Forgotten Age

We think we know the history of the Earth, but there are secrets that lie beyond our reckoning and truths that could undo our entire understanding of the universe. When renowned historian Alejandro Vela discovers one of these secrets, the ruins of an ancient and forgotten Aztec city, it sets into motion a plot that could unravel the very fabric of time.

Designers: Matthew Newman Artists: Andreas Adamek, Justin Adams, W. T. Arnold, Borja Pindado Arribas, Cristi Balanescu (cover), + 55 more! Players: 1-4 (best at 3 per BGG). But I would say Arkham Horror LCG is always best at 2 players. Playtime: 60-120 minutes per scenario. BGG Weight: 3.86 / 5 Mechanisms: Action Point Allowance System, Cooperative Play, Deck / Pool Building, Hand Management, Role Playing, Variable Player Powers

I am so far behind schedule on all these Arkham Horror LCG expansions and mythos pack reviews. The Dream-Eaters Cycle was recently released and already FFG has two more Arkham Horror LCG box expansions planned for the near future. The Innsmouth Conspiracy and potentially something called The War of the Outer Gods. We shall see if that second title is accurate or not in due time. Either way I can already see the money draining from my wallet like venom from a serpent’s fangs.

This will actually be my second time playing through The Forgotten Age expansion. The first time was with a party of three and we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. I found my first overall experience with TFA to be a incredibly frustrating. It was a grueling, torturous journey through the Mexican rain forest. We picked all the wrong supplies for all the wrong characters it seemed.

So after it was all said and done, I was pretty sure that I wasn’t ever going to play this expansion again. But with recently finishing The Circle Undone and not having all the mythos packs for the Dream-Eaters Cycle in my possession, I caved and returned to base camp to go on the expedition all over again. This time with a better idea of what will be needed. Characters with very high agility and well…. blankets. Why didn’t my first expedition group take basic bedding with them?! I’m surprised we even had boots on our feet, we were so unprepared for survival in the outdoors. Hopefully the second time through will be a little smoother.

We think we know the history of the Earth, but there are secrets that lie beyond our reckoning and truths that could undo our entire understanding of the universe. When renowned historian Alejandro Vela discovers one of these secrets, the ruins of an ancient and forgotten Aztec city, it sets into motion a plot that could unravel the very fabric of time.

So as I already mentioned, knowing how important agility is for your investigators; my girlfriend and I selected the two investigators from the The Forgotten Age campaign with the highest agility (feetsies). These two also seemed to have the highest potential for the most bonus actions in a round, which is always a good thing to have in this god-forsaken game. We chose Ursula Downs and Finn Edwards. We can’t help but think that Finn is really just allowing himself to be employed by Ursula to get himself away from some sort of shady business dealings back home. Or to make a hefty profit selling all of our equipment and provisions. Because why else wouldn’t we have blankets?! I swear that stuff is getting stolen from under us.

“I have had it with these motherfucking snakes in this motherfucking jungle!” The pit vipers aren’t too bad as long as you are as spry and nimble as Ursula and Finn. We were able to stay ahead of the sneks by constantly moving and clearing each location of clues as quickly as possible. The Boa was a bigger concern as he was hunting us through most the scenario. We don’t plan on killing anything with vengeance points. IF we can help it that is. Neither of us really had any weapons readied during this scenario anyway. Just the trench coat on our backs and the track shoes on our feet. We were bouncing all over the jungle like gummy bears hopped up on Ayahuasca juice (is that a thing?).

Once confronted by Ichtaca, Keeper of the Etzli, we really had no choice but to parlay with her. I’m not sure why Alejandro Vela is so opposed to working with the locals (at this point in the game). Sounds like he’s part of the White Savior Industrial Complex. We discovered the Etzli ruins, thanks to Ichtaca and left behind a wake of snakes (very much alive mind you) and watchful Guardians. Rushing exploration and clue gathering was the way to go for this scenario. Very thematic and fun.

In this first scenario, one gets introduced to the exploration deck. Where one could potentially lose his/her movement actions based on what cards are randomly drawn from a small shuffled deck. A deck consisting of a handful of treacheries mixed in with a variety of potentially discoverable locations. I guess I don’t mind the exploration deck mechanic. More times than not, we will unluckily draw all the treachery cards rather quickly. So we take the explore action early knowing full well that we are going to draw treachery cards. After all the treachery cards have been randomly drawn and discarded, THEN we can explore without fear or consequence. And that’s a great feeling.

Welp. So much for trying to maintain zero vengeance points. Yig’s fury went from 0 to 5 in just one scenario. We were rapidly overwhelmed with serpent humanoids and barely got out of the Etzli temple with the Relic of Ages in hand. It’s almost as if investigators were meant to die/lose this scenario. Ursula suffered a mental trauma after being hounded by Yig’s minions every step of the way. Her treachery card was what did her in though. She was unable to heed the Call of the Unknown after taking such a beating from the treachery filled exploration deck.

We both found this scenario too frustrating. The difficulty ramped up to 11 and we were still ill prepared for such things. None of our weapons were even drawn during this game, so once again we just had to keep moving. Trying our best to stay ahead of the wave of snake creatures. The only reason Finn was able to get out of the temple, after snagging the Relic of Ages, was because he was lucky enough to draw his I’m outta here! card right when he needed it most. There was no way he was going to make it past the 7 or 8 monsters in his linear path. This relic better be worth it.

….Aaand it’s gone. We lost the relic. Or Harlan did. Whoever the fuck he is. We chose to keep the relic safe by giving it to some rando in passing. Then we are shocked when the supposedly trusty vagabond up and leaves town. Great.

Threads of Fate was another rather frustrating scenario with a ungodly amount of enemies. The moment we were able to eliminate just one of the Haunting Nightgaunts terrorizing us, we would advance the agenda deck, reshuffle the discard pile, only to draw the very same Haunting Nightguant! GAH! These guys are tough as well, 4HP, running away from them is hard due to doubling the negative modifiers. Terrifying creatures.

It was neat that there were multiple Acts or multiple storylines (threads) to follow and investigate. We were only able to fully complete one of the three but at least the scenario still rewarded us for making an attempt at the others. In that you receive some bonus experience points for just getting past Act 1 of each deck. Alejandro Vela was rescued and now resides in one of our decks. I would have preferred to have the Relic but circumstances prevented us from making it so.

Wait, it was all a dream?! But I consumed actual gas in driving to this fever dream. I want my gas supply point back. The Boundary Beyond would be strike 3 for us. Another overly frustrating scenario with too many monsters and a damn near impossible end goal. We were suppose to lose weren’t we? Considering we only managed to get 3 out of the 6 locations explored correctly, and then wiped of clues before being overwhelmed by enemies. The added penalties for exploring was very rough and we felt it… hard. Like for instance, one location forced you to take a physical damage to take the explore action. Which inevitably resulted in drawing a treachery card, making the damage you received to draw the treachery even more painful. So consume another precious action, take another physical damage, and try your luck again!

The Harbinger of Valusia once again made his appearance known. A damn near impossible enemy to combat while also trying to achieve your necessary win condition. With Alert and Retaliate active even when exhausted, the Harbinger is going to just decimate anyone interested in doing any amount of damage to him. Especially book nerds like us. We were able to inflict 2 damage on him though before getting TKO’ed. 2 damage out of his 20hp! I feel like we should be further down on his health track. Ugh.

During set-up, players are instructed to set aside the Agenda 3 and Act 3 cards. I imagine this is to mislead the players about the intended length of the scenario? And well… it worked! During what we thought was our very last turn (before the agenda would advance), we both made some hail mary plays to try and acquire as many clues/locations as possible before ending the scenario. Only to find out, the scenario wasn’t over. By the time we realized we had more rounds at our disposal, we were either already eliminated or stuck in some impossible situation. I can see that designers are looking to subvert players expectations in whatever means possible, but this ended up just frustrating my girlfriend to the point that she considered quitting the campaign all together. She is calling AH-LCG an abusive relationship. Wondering why we keep going back to it.

The Story So Far

Wait. Why are we back in the jungle again?! Let’s recap. Going back a few scenarios, we uncovered information on a secret cabal, called the Brotherhood, who had interests in the Eztli relic (missing!). This Brotherhood also had a great deal of information on Alejandro’s previous expedition into the Mexican rain forest. According to Ichtaca, the Brotherhood is seeking a place called the Nexus of N’kai. OK fine. So without any other bit of information given by Ichtaca, we set off on another expedition back to the relic’s original location. For what I imagine is to seek out additional clues in regards to the power behind the relic.

During our road trip to Mexico City, Alejandro voices his opinion that the documented symbols adorning the relic is not of Mayan or Aztec heritage. Hmm…ok.

We putz around Mexico for a while, eating lots of fish tacos and drinking lots of margaritas (or so I imagine), but doing not much else. A week later, Ichtaca FINALLY decides it’s time perform some sort of cryptic incantation, alone in her room. An event that results in a dream like scenario which gives us some insight. Insight into (Tenochtitlan locations?) a cave that Ichtaca believes is the path that leads to the Nexus. She wants us to go with. Do we have time to grab some Pozole before we go? I think so.

Part 1

The first half of the Heart of the Elder’s mythos pack seems more of a catch-up scenario. Because we only received insight on 3 of the 6 paths/stone pillars outside the cave, we had to spend some days trying to decode the other 3. The stone pillars are essentially the lock tumblers allowing access to the cave maw.

I find it hard to believe Ichtaca had been running all over this jungle, secretly protecting the relic from outsiders, and never once discovered or learned about this cave. And if she did know of it, why did it take so long for her to explore it? And it she did explore it, why didn’t she know the 6 paths from the start?! Gah!

We did not like this part of the scenario. It felt like another throw away scenario that really wasn’t needed. It took two attempts at it to get the remaining 3 paths. Our first day/attempt resulted in no additional paths and Ursula ended up dying to the snake monsters. On the second day, a replay of the same scenario mind you, we had much better luck in not drawing snake monsters to hound us the entire time. So that helped us focus on clue gathering. The whole idea of playing the same scenario over and over again until you achieve some specific goal, rubs me the wrong way. Repetition in this regard is no fun. We also were annoyed that progressing the Act deck, which is normally a good thing to advance, significantly hampered our overall goal. So on the second day, knowing that it would be detriment to advance the Act deck, we advanced it only when we were ready to take on the additional headache.

Part II

After we gained access to the cave, we had a good spelunking time getting clues and discovering locations. It’s as if clue gathering is what we excel at. We lucked out on drawing a minimal amount of enemies during the mythos phase. Which helped us deal with everything else thrown at us. We felt like we had plenty of time to achieve the overall objective and we got a heck of a lot of XP from this scenario (both parts 1 and 2). Which makes the sting of part 1 a little less so. Part 2’s flavor text alludes to a Journey to the Center of the Earth type inner world, taking place below ours. Which is kind of neat.

The end of the scenario was a little confusing. Alejandro betrayed us?! He was working in unison or is commanding some sort of alien race to find and gain access to Yoth, cavern of the serpents? Why? I take it Alejandro is a member of the Brotherhood, which would explain why they had information on Alejandro’s expedition. It was information of the inside variety lols. My girlfriend thought the entire campaign was over after reading “It is your last human memory.” So we just died?! Not quite.

Alejandro was working with scientific, alien creatures? Hah! So we got mind-swapped with a couple Yithians and mentally transported to some unknown location beyond space and time that acts as a mass-information compiler. What are the aliens doing with our physical bodies right now? The other aliens didn’t seem to mind us wandering around their utopian society. That is until we fucked with their experiments. I suppose we would be the real aliens at this point. We had a lot of fun playing this scenario. This would be the first time, in publication order, that your investigator’s card gets swapped out for another scenario specific one. The next instance of this taking place during the prologue of The Circle Undone campaign. Both enjoyable experiences.

We slithered around, doing our best to hold on to our items with our noodly appendages. We did manage to perform all six of the necessary intellectual pursuits before mind-melding back into our original bodies. AKA we were a rightful pains in the ass. 9 xp from this scenario! So that’s very nice. This scenario required a lot of card-play. Mostly we used our cards just for the modifier icons to pass tests. As your Yithian character card allowed for the doubling of icons for one card per test. This coupled with our ever reducing max-hand size, made the end goal of holding 10 cards at once a rather tricky puzzle to figure out. We would not have achieved this goal had it not been for our new pen-pal, the Custodian, and the best room in the house, the Yithian Orrery.

What were we suppose to do with the Out of Body Experience treachery cards? I was never instructed in the setup but I feel like these should have been shuffled into our decks at some point. The backside of the Yithian investigator cards have Do you remember…? in the Deckbuilding Requirements section. So maybe it was a mistake in that these treachery cards should have been included in our decks to start. Not sure. We didn’t utilize them. This will probably be corrected in the Return to.

Now lets see what Alejandro and his alien buds were up to while we took a mental holiday.

I hear people play this scenario just to see how far down into the depths they can get before they are torn to shreds. We got to level 5 (the bare minimum) and immediately got the hell out of there! One could get a significant amount of XP on this scenario though. If everyone is well suited for fighting monsters and dealing with the ever growing pain that is the chaos bag. We on the other hand are NOT well suited for dealing with monsters. Besides running away from them. Finn Edwards recently purchased a Ornate Bow which has been pretty damn effective at eliminating a bunch of annoying or persistent enemies. Enemies with the Hunter trait mostly. Lets hope the next scenario is more about getting clues and not fighting a Boss of some kind.

The Depths of Yoth is an alright concept for a scenario but just like in a previous scenario (The Heart of the Elders Part 1) you essentially just play the same mini-game multiple times. At least with this scenario, with the reset between floors/levels, the locations are randomized. Your starting location and which locations are available will be slightly different between floors. We quickly learned which icon to look for in order to find the Steps of Yoth (how to progress). And I’m so confused on what’s going on in the over-arching story that we don’t even care anymore. Both Ichtaca and Alejandro have turned on us and want the Relic of Ages for different reasons. Ichtaca, I believe wants to awaken Yoth for some terrible reason. Hopefully it will all make more sense after the next scenario.

We finished! …thank God/Yig. We did get an above-average ending. Resolution 1 if that does anything for you. We lost the original Relic of Ages so we didn’t get the best ending but we refused the tempting offers from both Ichtaca and Alejandro Vela and went about mending the tear in the fabric of time…ourselves somehow. Luckily for us, The Relic of Ages was rediscovered in A Pocket of Time which I suppose makes sense that we traveled through time and found a earlier/later version of the one we lost. I’m always impressed with the final scenarios of each of the major campaigns. This one was no different. The story seemed to come together. Both Ichtaca (Yig worshiper) and Alejandro (Yithian in disguise) had ulterior motives which is understandable. I liked that we could have sided with either of them to change the world as we know it forever.

We didn’t kill a single enemy this scenario. Besides those EZ-PZ cultists. So we were once again dogged by a myriad of serpent & elite enemies. We were use to though after the sixth or seventh scenario where that happened this campaign. Finn Edwards handled running away from 5 different monster enemies himself, each round for two or three rounds. One free evade, three normal evade actions, and a Leo De Luca evade action. While Ursula Downs worked vigorously at exploring and clearing clues from as many shattered locations as possible. Taking damage and horror when necessary. It worked. I can’t wait to go back to playing some Guardian and Survivor class characters. Or really anyone with dynamite

We don’t officially get to play the bonus, secret mission because we lost the Relic of Ages from our timeline but we will play it anyway just to see what it’s like. Going on the assumption that we didn’t hand a complete stranger one of the most powerful objects in the known universe. So we will play that next and I will report on it here.

Man, fuck this game. We got devoured by Yig pretty quickly in our attempt to undo our past mistakes. Turn Back Time has a cool concept but this scenario is not designed with pacifists like us in mind. It’s tough! Arm yourself to the teeth before entering the Eztli Ruins again! We didn’t REALLY deserve to unlock this scenario and we are going to continue acting like this scenario never happened. Our own form of time travel.

Now that we are done with this campaign we will play a Return To… or start The Dream-Eaters cycle and hope that our last Mythos pack gets delivered very soon.

In Summary

Of all the Arkham Horror campaigns that I’ve played, The Forgotten Age is and will remain my least favorite. With that said I was impressed by how many of the scenarios ended up having a decently high personal rating. This tells me that the scenarios themselves aren’t bad but the over-arching story and mechanisms introduced are what leaves a foul malignancy festering in my mind when contemplating The Forgotten Age. Mainly due to the frustrations with the exploration deck, the supply point system (never having what you need), and having to suffer the ridiculous amount of serpent creatures all looking to settle their poisonous fangs into your meaty neck. The Harbinger of Valusia is still out there, slithering around the jungle with a whopping 18 HP! Good luck with that Mexico.

Final Score (Avg)

[journeysintowebcomics]

Girl Genius Liveblog #188

UPDATE 188: Misleading Leads

Last time Agatha got into the train on the Corbettite Railway. She admitted being the Heterodyne and now the monks are on high alert. Now what to do?

The Heterodyne is leaving the country and going towards a very faraway place. Naturally, she can’t take her entire Jagermonsters troop with her, but that doesn’t mean the Jagermonsters aren’t going to try to come along – or, to be more accurate, Dimo wants to come. For that purpose he jumps onto the roof of the train. I wonder if Agatha knows about this, otherwise she’s going to be very surprised when she sees Dimo in Paris. Not upset, mind you, just surprised.

Hah! I love that! All those tools stapled there on the inside lining of her coat...that must weigh a ton. Thank you for training her, Zeetha, I think the Agatha from Volume 1 would have crumpled under that weight after fifteen minutes.

Also, what kind of statement is ‘you didn’t have to bring all those tools’, Krosp? What kind of self-respecting spark would pass the chance of carrying all those tools with them? Hah!

But enough goofing around about Agatha’s coat and its seventy pounds of tools, there are other matters to discuss. For example, will the master of Paris help her? He’s a secretive person, I suppose that means if he refuses to help, there simply won’t be any way to access the kind of information he has. Agatha better make a good impression and an offer he can’t refuse, then. I foresee some difficulty in the future because a good story needs conflict, and the conflict du jour once that time comes most likely will be the master of Paris refusing to help.

They wonder where Wooster may be, and unless Wooster disguised as a very pale woman with antique clothes, someone else bursts into the train compartment, begging for help. Aha, trouble! And they just left the station! The woman just needs a place to stay at until it’s safe because assassins may be pursuing her. Krosp, ever sharp-eyed, sees the Sturmvoraus sigil hanging from the woman’s neck. A potential ally! Agatha, willing to help, says she’ll be safe and brandishes a mortal gun that may or may not blast apart the train at some point during the volume, given the track record these guns have in this story.

I don’t think this woman isn’t related by blood to Tarvek. Well, maybe she is, but in that case she dyed her hair. I hope she explains what’s going on!

If she’ll explain then it’ll be later, because there’s a change in point of view. It’s Gil, getting informed about many matters at the same time. Being the big ruler of a place has always seemed so stressful to me. Let’s see...they managed to retrieve a bird from inside Mechanisburg, and although it crumbled into dust, it’s still progress. That doesn’t sound like a good sign for anyone inside Mechanisburg. Gil strides at Bangladesh and asks if they found Agatha. They did!

There are currently seven leads of where Agatha may be, and they’d all be attacking them at the same time if it wasn’t because Gil insists to be there when she’s finally caught. Naturally!

He just took a glance and decided which lead is the right one. The chances Gil is right are decent, but he’s going to have some serious egg on his face if he ends being wrong. Bangladesh isn’t going to let him forget that.

One glance at the first part of the page and I can already see he’s wrong. That’s not the train at all. I’ll take solace on the fact Agatha is safe for a while longer. I don’t doubt one of the leads must be the right one, so with some luck it’ll take them a while to get to that one.

The carriage is forced to stop, and Gil leaps to call for Agatha and tell her to stop resisting. From inside, a Jager with a wig jumps and clings onto Gil in what must be an embarrassing moment for poor Gil, getting fooled by Agatha’s machinations.

Bangladesh isn’t surprised at all they fell for it, Gil is because he didn’t expect Agatha to be this smart. He likes it! And he also is a good sport about it, because he doesn’t make Bangladesh kill the Jager.

Tweedle? That’s the only other person I can imagine is pursuing Agatha right now and also is not as nice as Gil was right now. I admit for a moment I thought ‘Tarvek!’, but that’s impossible not only because he’s trapped in Mechanisburg with a dagger stuck into his chest, but also because he’s also a nice enough person.

It was Tweedle.

Apparently Tweedle also has information that pointed at several leads. May or may not be the same information Gil’s side has, meaning Tweedle has already dealt with some of the leads available and made things easier for them. I’m not sure if Tweedle’s side would be able to know Agatha rode on the Corbettite Railway.

There was a Jager inside that carriage, and it killed six of Tweedle’s sparkhounds. I feel bad for the hounds...I like dogs a lot. There’s zero chance the Jager will tell him where Agatha is, asking is a waste of time.

For some reason, Tweedle asks the Jager who he was before he drank the Jagerbrau. Looks like it was someone who lived a long time ago, because this Jager fought the original Storm King. Taking the chance to talk with someone who knew the Storm King and the people around him, Tweedle asks about Euphrosynia Heterodyne, whose name sounds familiar to me. I feel she has been mentioned before...most likely by the Castle. There may have been a room related to her. Euphrosynia betrayed the Storm King, but why?

Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t, but I don’t think a Heterodyne would let something like love get in the way of their plans.

Apparently the reason why she betrayed him is because she knew the Storm King would try to keep the Heterodynes under control. You can’t let a bunch of wild cards run around, especially if they’re as dangerous as the Heterodynes. When put like that it makes a lot of sense and I understand, yup.

This seems to have been kind of enlightening for Tweedle, who kills the Jager in cold blood and says a cool line to..to his hounds, I guess, because the Jager sure isn’t going to hear it.

That’s not exactly difficult. Agatha isn’t nearly close to getting the qualifier of ‘monster’, in my opinion. Tweedle can keep behaving like he has so far and it’d be enough.

Ah, that’s the end of this scene. May as well end the update here. Happy holidays!

Next time: next update

[tophatsnap]

Nothing But a Man Ch 11

Phanty belongs to Lloyd Webber and Leroux

I know I have some prompts to answer, but I wanted to upload this for you guys first :)

Christine

Everything had changed. I had gone from feeling incredibly safe and tranquil in his presence to being nothing short of terrified. He told me that he would never hurt me... and part of me believed him, but how could I be sure? All he had done since our first meeting was lie to me or at the very least mislead me. I didn't really know who he was and suddenly I was extremely anxious at the idea of being underneath the Opera; a place where no one could find me if they tried... with a man who was a self-confessed murderer. Had there been others? He seemed remorseful but he spoke of his actions so casually which only served to heighten my fear. Was Erik even his name? How could I trust anything he told me about himself? I cursed myself for being so foolish. I had gone in blindly; simply given myself to him; mind, body and spirit. Each day, all I could think about was counting down the minutes until I could see him again and now...

He had shattered me.

He had shattered me completely and broken my trust.

I asked for him to take me back to my world and, like the gentleman I had always known him to be, he obliged. But the look in his eyes when I spoke those words made me want to reconsider. I was so torn. I had such strong feelings for this man whom I hardly knew... I wanted to spend every second I could with him but now I was terrified and I couldn't see past that. I knew that by asking to leave I was breaking his heart... but he had broken mine.

I had expected him to walk me to my dressing room as he had always done and part of me was slightly saddened when he opted to leave me on the staircase. I suppose he thought that I preferred it that way, or perhaps it was a move of self preservation... I didn't know.

He was going to say something. He called my name and I stared at him, awaiting his words... something, anything that might mend what was broken between us. Our eyes locked together and I could see his anguish. He was battling with himself just as I was. And then... nothing. He picked up his cape and walked away, leaving me on the staircase staring after him. I don't know what I expected; He had already apologized and I had not accepted, but seeing him walk away was one of the hardest things I'd had to do. I thought of calling after him but what would I say? What could I say that would fix what he had done or to fix how I felt about it? After a few moments, I turned and walked in the opposite direction. I did not look back.

I took one of the torches off the wall and made my way down the dark corridor to my dressing room. Before dousing the flame I turned to look behind me, almost expecting to see someone; to say good night to someone, to say farewell to someone. But there was no one there... All I could see was my own breath in the blackness. I entered my dressing room and closed the door. When I was finally inside, I fell to the ground with my back to the mirror and wept.

After several minutes, I pulled myself together. I told myself that I was crying for someone I hardly knew. That I was crying for a murder. I was doing everything I could to convince myself that my fear was grounded, that I had made the right choice in leaving him. But then why did it hurt so much? Why could I not stop the emotion overpowering my every thought... every action? Eventually I made my way to my sleeping quarters. When I got there I was both surprised and elated to find that Meg was waiting for me.

"Well, where did you go!? I've been waiting for you!"

"Shhh!" One of the other girls called from another cot.

"Oh, you shh!" She spat.

I sat down on my bed quietly.

"It doesn't matter." I said, hardly looking at her. I found myself hoping that I had convincingly wiped the emotion from my face and the tears from my eyes before she had seen me.

"What? What doesn't matter?" She whispered. "You said you would tell me, Christine! When you left before you..."

I did not respond.

"Are you alright?" She asked, touching my arm.

I said nothing, but when I looked up at her, the tears had broken through once more. I could hide my emotion no longer.

"Christine..." She pulled me into an embrace. As soon as I was in her arms, I wept unabashedly. I had promised to keep it all a secret, but how could I? It was tearing me up inside.

"What's wrong?" She whispered.

"I... I don't know if I can tell you..." I managed through sobs.

"Of course you can! You can tell me anything! Christine... what has upset you so?"

I looked up at my best friend. Her eyes were beseeching me to tell her everything, to tell her who had harmed me in such a way. But could I? How could I tell her that instead of seeing Raoul, I had been seeing another man who had broken my heart? That my heart was in fact broken by none other than the Opera Ghost? And it was broken because it was he who was responsible for the murder she had told me about only hours before. Could I trust her with such information? I sniffed and wiped my eyes.

"Come outside?" I offered, knowing that if I was going to divulge my secrets, it couldn't very well be in the presence of the whole chorus and anyone else who so chose to eavesdrop. Meg nodded and followed me out of the room. What was I doing?

"Alright, now tell me, Christine!" She said. I looked around me cautiously...

I looked up...

Erik wouldn't like the idea of me sharing this information but something told me that for once, he was not listening. Something told me that he was in his home... deep below the Opera. Deep down where I had left him.

"I... I really don't know if I should..." I sniffed again.

"If something is bothering you, I need to know what it is. We are best friends... are we not?"

I smiled. Yes, we were. And If Madame Giry was trustworthy, her daughter would be too.

I began to tell her and I could see the level of concern in her eyes rising with each minute that passed.

"Christine... The Opera Ghost?" I was surprised that that was all she could say. Of course, I could see why that was the most shocking part...

"I told you, I did not know that he was The Opera Ghost when I first met him... my feelings just grew and..." I sighed and looked up at the ceiling; as if in some way, hoping that he could hear me. "I put him on such a pedestal that when I learned of the truth, my heart was broken. Even now, I don't know whether I left him for fear or for... some misplaced sense of betrayal."

"Well... you had every right to be afraid."

"But... I don't think that he would hurt me, Meg. I don't..."

She looked down at her hands.

"But do you know that?" She smiled as her nostalgia overcame her concern and she held my hand in excitement. "Do you remember how afraid we used to be when we were children? Maman used to tell us that the Opera Ghost would get us if we didn't practice."

I laughed in spite of myself. I thought about mentioning the fact that her mother was quite well acquainted with the Opera Ghost but decided against it. I didn't know how she would react and I had had enough confrontation for one night.

"Meg. Those were only stories..."

"I know." She smiled.

"If only you knew what he was really like..." I sighed and stared into the darkness.

"I don't know... from what you tell me, he seems to care a lot for you. But, like you say... you don't really know him at all. The person who you grew to love may not have been him..."

"But that's the thing, Meg!" I held her hands in desperation. "It was him! I could still see Erik in those pleading eyes. And... even though he knew what he had done, it was as if he was asking me why I was saying such hurtful things, why I was leaving him. It was unbearable..."

"I... don't know what to tell you, Christine." She said. "You have to do what your heart tells you. Perhaps... give it a few days and see how you feel."

"I know how I feel..."

"About... the situation I mean." She smiled faintly.

Of course. I already knew how I felt about him.

"We should sleep." She said. "We can discuss it more tomorrow if you'd like."

"Yes. You are right. I'm quite exhausted. Thank you, Meg." I turned and embraced her. She held me tightly and I found that I didn't want her to let go. I still had so much on my mind and I could not see the person who usually talked me through my problems.

I used to fall asleep knowing that the next day I would speak to my Angel of Music. I took comfort in that. Then I fell asleep knowing that I would see Erik the next day... But as I lay down and my head hit the pillow I knew that when I woke up, I would not be doing either of those things. I would not see him and I didn't know when or even if I would again.

Erik

It felt as though my heart had been ripped out of my body and by the time I reached the bottom of the spiral staircase, I had to steady myself as the pain in my chest became too great. I leaned against the wall and began to inhale deeply. What was happening? This was real pain I was feeling... wasn't it? I slid to the ground with my hand to my heart and closed my eyes.

Christine.

I would never see her again.

If it was the right thing to do, why was it so painful?

The ache came in waves, from my stomach and up into my throat. It threatened to suffocate me; the grief. Slowly I stood up. I could not lose myself here. Not yet. I could not come undone until I was in the sanctity of my own home. No one could take that from me.

With great difficulty I made it across the lake, eagerly jumping out of my boat and finding myself knee deep in water. I did not care. I could not even feel the cold. I ripped my cloak from my shoulders followed by my jacket and discarded them haphazardly. They fell soundlessly into the lake. As I waded to the shore of my home I ripped my mask from my face and flung it as far as I could. I did not know where it landed. Nor did I care. I didn't make it past the shore line. I collapsed to my knees in the puddle-deep water and held my head in my hands.

Why? Why had I done this to myself? To her?

And then, as if on cue, the tears came. I could not stop them, nor did I care to. This was the first time I had wept as a grown man... and I felt no better than that seven year old boy I once was... I wept until the pain in my chest was replaced with a dull throb in my head. After minutes of despair ceaselessly wreaking havoc on my body, draining me of everything that i had, I got to my feet and looked around. A cynical chuckle escaped my lips as I surveyed my home.

Home

What home? This was a cave and nothing more. It was a tomb! How could I ever think that someone like Christine would want to stay with me in this tomb when she could be above, living the life she deserved? Suddenly, everything I looked upon was a reminder of her; of what I had done to her. Every object I saw reminded me of what I was...

Of what she had done to me... What she had made me become...

She had made me into Erik. A person. A man...

I was Erik once, long ago. And all that name brought to me was pain...

It had done it once more... that name.

I would be Erik no longer. If a Ghost; a criminal... a murder is what they wanted, that is what I would give them.

Smiling manically I picked up a candelabrum from my mantelpiece and threw it violently into each and every mirror I could see. A ghost did not need mirrors, did he? I turned to my left. A ghost did not need drapes either, did he? I dropped the candelabrum and picked up my sword. I slashed at my drapes with all that I had and did the same with my drawings that hung from the wall. I stumbled from each of my work stations, destroying everything that I had created; everything she had seen, touched, commented on. Everything but my music...

My sword dropped exhaustedly from my grasp and fell to the stone floor with a dull clang, and there it stayed along with the remnants of who I was.

Christine

I did not see Erik for weeks. Meg and I did not speak about him after that. She would ask me if I was alright every now and then or ask me if I had heard from him but I always responded with a simple nod or a shake of the head. I spent more time with Raoul and we became as close as we once were. It was a relief to have someone to talk to, even though I could not voice what I most desperately wanted to. The things that troubled me most I could not tell anyone save for Meg and her mother, and the time never seemed right to speak about it. I wanted desperately to speak with Madame Giry, to ask if she had seen him... to ask how he was. But I did not.

And as the days wore on, my confusion grew. If I was so frightened by him, why did I feel such a need to see him? Why did I feel such an absence now that he was not in my life? Every now and then I would call for him... just softly, so that no one else could hear me. As a child, when I would call for him in such a way he would never fail to answer me. I would hear his velvety voice emanate from somewhere above the chapel and envelop me in its warmth. But now, I received no response. I could not even feel him around... as if he were not watching at all. As I became more desperate to hear from him, I began to think back to that night; to his reasoning. No, there was no excusing what he had done but he had done it to protect me and I would admit that I did not feel safe when Buquet was around... Part of me did not want to think about any of it. I just wanted to see him. I wanted it to be like it was... Even if it went back to how it was before I had seen him, back to the way it was when he was my Angel and nothing more. Anything would have been better than this... This solitude.

It was so strange performing with no one to perform to. Yes, I got certain satisfaction out of the applause I received but I knew that the one person I was performing for was not listening. After each aria I would stare up into the rafters with a smile before I was reminded of what had last occurred there and why no one was watching down on me.

I had been spending time with Raoul. He had truly saved me from myself and without him I feel that the time without Erik would have been unbearable. He had mentioned engagement once after our first dinner and I had simply shrugged it off by telling him that I was not yet ready to think on it. However I knew that it was only a matter of time before he brought it up again and I knew that he would want an answer. I did not know what to tell him; that I was already courting someone but that I had not seen him I weeks? It was absurd.

In a way I did love Raoul, only not in the way that he loved me and I did not want to marry him, although it seemed the right thing to do. But I could I could not deny him... I needed his company; his companionship more than I needed marriage. He was my life-raft in the harsh sea that was Erik's forced solitude and though it was selfish, I knew that the only way to keep him around me was to avoid his proposal for as long as I could. Soon though, I would either have to deny or accept. I would have to deny him and have him leave my side forever, or i would have to accept and be sated with... what little I felt for him. Perhaps true love did not exist? Love that shone so bright that you were blinded to anything or anyone else around you. Affection so warm that you could feel it around you even when he who had caused it had long but left... Perhaps marriage was made of simple love, understanding, companionship... friendship. Yes, it was only a matter of time before Raoul demanded an answer and I just hoped that I would be able to speak to Erik before that time came.

Il Muto continued and after a week or so, I was the Pageboy once more and La Carlotta was returned to her throne... and her dressing room. I did not know any other way of getting to Erik's home and soon realized that I would either have to break in to La Carlotta's room or put my pride and embarrassment aside and make the time to speak to Madame Giry.

"Christine... I do not wish to interfere in your affairs. I most certainly do not wish to interfere in his and you would do well to be just as cautious..."

"But you do know a way in, do you not? Erik told me that you visited him..."

"He did..?"

"Yes." I smiled, thinking back fondly on the memory and how he and I had laughed... "So, you must help me. I have to see him, Madame." Madame Giry sighed and took my hand.

"As much as this may hurt you, Christine... if you have not heard from him, it is because he has intentionally kept away. Often, he goes missing for months at a time... sometimes years. I have not heard from him in weeks and after what you described, I don't know that he will be open to visitors. I know you think that you know him but do not forget who he is..."

"I know who he is; he would not hurt me, Madame. He would not hurt either of us..."

She took my hands in her own as we sat together on her divan.

"I don't know... I don't know what to do. I know that you wish to see him but... It is not safe. Even with the correct guidance you could find yourself in danger."

"He wouldn't..."

"Not him, my child. He has various traps set throughout the passages leading to his home."

"Oh..." I said in disappointment. He really didn't want any visitors... None at all. I looked down at my hands and as they had done so many times over the past weeks, my eyes began to fill with tears.

After a moment of silence, Madame Giry spoke.

"Alright." She said. I looked up at her in disbelief.

"What?"

"I will tell you where to go. I cannot bear to see you in such despair..."

"Thank you Madame!" I embraced her. "Thank you!"

"But are you sure that you want to? Really want to? After... what you know about him?"

"Yes. I have to see him." I said. Thoughts crossed my mind about how Madame Giry had not been surprised upon discovering Erik's confession, but i decided not to voice them. Exactly how much did she know about him? And why had she not told me? I pushed the nagging questions to the back of my mind. All i could think about was seeing him and for the first time in weeks, i could not stop smiling. Madame Giry sighed and worry flashed across her eyes. But finally she had resigned herself to the fact that she could not convince me otherwise.

"It will be dangerous!" She warned.

"I will be safe." I reassured her.

"Alright... Alright... Well go and get dressed before I become aware of my foolishness and change my mind. Before you leave I will give you the map he gave to me many years ago. You must pay very careful attention to each and every detail, Christine! Do you understand?"

"Yes, yes! Of course!" I answered before hastily standing up and leaving the room.

It was late at night and the Opera was deserted. I was surprised to find that Madame Giry's secret entrance to Erik's abode did not reside anywhere in her own room. It was a small door in a corridor just off the Grand Foyer; almost disguised as a pillar from one perspective until you approached it. Madame Giry embraced me tightly, wished me luck and handed me her map. I allowed myself the sensation of the rough paper stock between my fingers before donning my gloves. I smiled.

Erik had once owned this paper...

She opened the small door for me and held me gently by the shoulders.

"Take this key." She said. "This is just a service cupboard as I am sure you have noticed but it will take you where you need to go if you follow that map. Alright?" I nodded in understanding. "There is a very small trap door right at the end of this space. That key in your hand opens the lock. After that, stick to the map. Please, Christine. If nothing else. Stick to the map."

"I will" I promised after listening carefully. She embraced me once more before handing me a lamp.

Then she left. I entered the small utility space and locked the door behind me.

I smiled to myself in the darkness. I would see Erik. After weeks I would see him...

But would he want to see me?

So, i saw this mysterious door when i went to the Garnier last year. Well... it was only a fire door but it was next to what appeared to be quite a new wall put up. Modern plaster and wallpaper. I thought it was a bit strange; an area completely closed off and so, being a Phan of course my first thought was:

ERIK.

A girl can dream. So, i thought why not use it in this story? 

[schadenfreudefreude-blog]

On expectations and pessimism

Our lives are powerfully affected by a special quirk of the human mind to which we rarely pay much attention. We are creatures deeply marked by our expectations. We go around with mental pictures, lodged in our brains, of how things are supposed to go. But expectations have an enormous impact on how we respond to what happens to us. They are always framing the way we interpret the events in our lives. It’s according to the tenor of our expectations that we will deem moments in our lives to be either enchanting or (more likely) profoundly mediocre and unfair.

What drives us to fury are affronts to our expectations. There are plenty of things that don’t turn out as we’d like but don’t make us livid either. When a problem has been factored into our expectations, calm is never endangered. We may be sad, but we aren’t screaming.

Unfortunately, our expectations are never higher, and therefore more troubling, than they are in love. There are reckless ideas circulating in our societies about what sharing a life with another person might be like. Of course, we see relationship difficulties around us all the time; there’s a high frequency of splitting, separation and divorce, and our own past experience is bound to be pretty mixed. But we have a remarkable capacity to discount this information. We retain highly ambitious ideas of what relationships are meant to be and what they will (eventually) be like for us – even if we have in fact never seen such relationships in action anywhere near us.

We’ll be lucky; we can just feel it intuitively. Eventually, we’ll find that creature we know exists: the ‘right person’; we’ll understand each other very well, we’ll like doing everything together, and we’ll experience deep mutual devotion and loyalty. They will, at last, be on our side.

Our expectations might go like this: a decent partner should easily, intuitively, understand what I’m concerned about. I shouldn’t have to explain things at length to them. If I’ve had a difficult day, I shouldn’t have to say that I’m worn out and need a bit of space. They should be able to tell how I’m feeling. They shouldn’t oppose me: if I point out that one of our acquaintances is a bit stuck up, they shouldn’t start defending them. They’re meant to be constantly supportive. When I feel bad about myself, they should shore me up and remind me of my strengths. A decent partner won’t make too many demands. They won’t be constantly requesting that I do things to help them out, or dragging me off to do something I don’t like. We’ll always like the same things. I tend to have pretty good taste in films, food and household routines: they’ll understand and sympathize with them at once.

Strangely, even when we’ve had pretty disappointing experiences, we don’t lose faith in our expectations. Hope reliably triumphs over experience. It’s always very tempting to console ourselves with an apparently very reasonable thought: the reason it didn’t work out this time was not that the expectations were too high, but that we directed them onto the wrong person. We weren’t compatible enough. So rather than adjust our ideas of what relationships are meant to be like, we shift our hopes to a new target on whom we can direct our recklessly elevated hopes.

At times, in relationships, it can be almost impossible to believe that the problem lies with relationships in general, for the issues are so clearly focused in on the particular person we happen to be with – their tendency not to listen to us, to be too cold, to be cloyingly present … But this isn’t the problem of love, we believe. It wouldn’t be like this with another person, the one we saw at school. They looked nice and we had a brief chat about the theme of the keynote instructor. Partly because of the slope of their neck and a lilt in their accent, we reached an overwhelming conclusion: with them it would be easier. There could be a better life waiting round the corner.

What we say to our partners is often quite grotesque. We turn to someone we’ve left everything to in our will and agreed to share our income with for the rest of our lives – and tell them the very worst things we can think of: things we’d never dream of saying to anyone else. To pretty much everyone else, we are reliably civil. We’re always very nice to the people in the sandwich shop; we talk through problems reasonably with colleagues; we’re pretty much always in a good mood around friends. But then again, without anything uncivil being meant by this, we have very few expectations in these areas.

No one can disappoint and upset us as much as the person we’re in a relationship with – for of no one do we have higher hopes. It’s because we are so dangerously optimistic that we call them a cunt, a shithead or a weakling. The intensity of the disappointment and frustration is dependent on the prior massive investment of hope. It’s one of the odder gifts of love.

So a solution to our distress and agitation lies in a curious area: with a philosophy of pessimism. It’s an odd and unappealing thought. Pessimism sounds very unattractive. It’s associated with failure; it’s usually what gets in the way of better things. But when it comes to relationships, expectations are the enemies of love.

A more moderate, more reasonable, set of expectations around relationships would include the idea that it is normal and largely unavoidable that people do not understand one another very well in a couple. Each person’s character and mind is hugely complex and convoluted. It’s hard to grasp exactly why someone acts as they do. And, by extension, we’d be assuming from the start that no partner is going to have a complete, reliable or terribly accurate understanding of us. There will be the occasional things they get absolutely right, a few areas where they really grasp what’s going on in us; that’s what makes the early days so charming. But these will be exceptions, rather than standard. As a relationship developed, we then wouldn’t get hurt when our partner made some wildly inaccurate assumptions about our needs or preferences. We’d have been assuming that this would be coming along pretty soon – just as we don’t take it remotely amiss if an acquaintance recommends a film we detest: we know they couldn’t know. It doesn’t bother us at all. Our expectations are set at a reasonable level.

In a wiser world than our own, we would regularly remind ourselves of the various reasons why people simply cannot live up to the expectations that have come to be linked to romantic relationships:

One is dealing with another person.

Much that will matter to us cannot possibly be in sync with another person. Why should another human being get tired at the same time as you, want to eat the same things, like the same songs, have the same aesthetic preferences, the same attitude to money or the same idea about Christmas? For babies, there is a long and strange set of discoveries about the real separate existence of the mother. At first it seems to the child that the mother is perfectly aligned with it. But gradually there’s a realization that the mother is someone else: that she might be sad when the child is feeling jolly. Or tired when the child is ready to jump up and down on the bed for ten minutes. We have similarly basic discoveries to make of our partners. They are not extensions of us.

The early stages of love give a misleading image of what a relationship can be like.

The experience of adult love starts with the joyful discovery of some amazing congruencies. It’s wonderful to discover someone who finds the same jokes hilarious, who feels the same way as you about cozy jumpers or the music you love, someone who is really able to see why you feel as you do about your father, or who deeply appreciates your confidence around form-filling or your knowledge of wine. There’s a seductive hope that the wonderful fit between the two of you are the first intimation of a general fusion of souls.

Love is the discovery of harmony in some very specific areas – but to continue with this expectation is to doom hope to a slow death. Every relationship will necessarily involve the discovery of a huge number of areas of divergence. It will feel as if you are growing apart and that the precious unity you knew during the weekend in Paris is being destroyed. But what is happening should really be seen under a much less alarming description: disagreement is what happens when love succeeds and you get to know someone close up across the full range of their life.

Any upbringing will be imperfect in important ways. The atmosphere at home might have been too strict or too lax, too focused on money or not adequately on top of the finances. It might have been emotionally smothering or a bit distant and detached. Family life might have been relentlessly gregarious or limited by lack of confidence. Getting from being a baby to a reasonably functional adult is never a flawless process. We are all, in diverse ways, damaged and insane. The child might have learned to keep its true thoughts and feelings very much to itself and to tread very carefully around fragile parents; and in later life, this person may still be rather secretive and cagey in their own relationships. The characteristic was acquired to deal with a childhood situation, but such patterns get deeply embedded and keep on going. Our adaptations to the troubles of our past make us all maddening prospects in the present.

The error we’re always tempted to make is to see defects as special to our own partner. We get to know the irritating and disappointing sides of one particular person – and draw the conclusion that we’ve been especially unlucky. We’ve become involved with someone who seems lovely on the surface but has revealed themselves strangely disturbed and defective. What a curse! What a problem to correct! We therefore look around for a new partner with whom we can finally have what we always knew was promised to us: a problem-free relationship. Our romantic impulses are continually renewed. We blame everything but our hopes.

And yet, the reasons why other people are disappointing are universal. The problems may take on a local character, but everyone would have them to a significant extent. We don’t need to know the specific eccentricities we would find in a prospective partner. But you can be sure there will be some – and that they will, at times, be pretty serious. The only people we can think of as normal are those we don’t yet know very well.

[oumakokichi]

Sorry to bother, but I have a question to ask if you don't mind. Although before I do that, I wanted to say thank you because this blog have helped me understand and love the Danganronpa V3 characters more than I already have, and not just the characters, but the whole game as well. So once again, thank you very much! Now, about the question, so I've read the Chapter 4 pre-execution dialogue and I was wondering wether Ouma's emotional outburst was genuine or not?

Thank you so much! That’s really sweet of you to say, and I’mreally glad if the things I’ve written have helped provide any information orunderstanding about the game. It makes me super happy that people might be ableto enjoy the cast and the game overall a little bit more!

And of course I don’t mind! That’s a very interestingquestion, and it’s something a lot of people are probably still torn on. Butgiven all the evidence and what we know about Ouma, I’m still really inclinedto say that it was real.

Of course, I don’t think he meant literally everything hesaid during his emotional outburst. The parts about thinking the rest of thegroup would be “saved” from the outside world and from the hellish killing gameinside the school don’t mesh up with his behavior at all.

Ouma has had chances to mislead the group and get them allkilled from almost the first trial, and definitely from the second trial andonward, where they only even progressed with their guesses and theories most ofthe time because he was intentionally spoonfeeding them hints.  Had he really, genuinely believed that theentire group dying there was “saving them,” as Gonta’s VR avatar believed, thenhe would’ve just let them all vote wrong in the trial and get executed.

But the thing is, these are lies that he had no incentive totell unless they were specifically being said for Gonta’s sake. Namely, forGonta’s avatar. Telling the rest of the group that the outside world wascompletely messed up and that they’d all be better off dead would do nothing toearn him any sympathy or brownie points; if anything, it only made theircuriosity to know what could possibly be so bad about the secret of the outsideworld even greater. The only one who could possibly be comforted by thislast-minute lie was Gonta’s avatar, by thinking that he and Ouma had still beenon the same page after all, and that even if killing Miu was horrible andpainful, it was something he did with a purpose in mind.

Lying to Gonta serves absolutely no purpose to Ouma if hisgoals are all truly rooted in sadism and the desire to see people suffer ordie. Lying to everyone else? Sure, that’s easy to get away with, and say thathe just likes to see the “stupid looks” on their faces, or that he just wantedto trick them and play with their emotions. But had he really, honestly wantedto cause the most suffering possible in those last moments before Gonta went tohis death, then his actions don’t make sense. They can only be explained byassuming his objective was actually to comfort Gonta, and to make his lastmoments at least even a tiny bit less miserable, because the guilt wasliterally killing both of them.

Had he instead pulled his 180-degree switch before Gonta wasexcuted, it would have been the ultimate way to screw Gonta over completely. Hecould easily have “come clean” about his “corrupted personality” before Gontadied, and told him that killing Miu was for absolutely nothing, and called himan idiot and a fool for honestly, truly believing that he wanted to save therest of the group. That would be howto pull off a full betrayal. Thatwould be the optimal way to inflict the most “despair,” and see the most painand suffering possible.

There’s literally no incentive to keep up a ruse in front ofa person who’s already going to die and can’t do anything about it unless youare keeping up that ruse to help them, not hurt them.  And that’s why I do believe that he wasgenuinely upset about Gonta’s death, and that even though he knew he’d have toturn right back around and act like his entire outburst was fake and calculatedin front of the rest of the group, he at least wanted Gonta to be a little morereassured before going to his execution.

I also don’t…think it was a lie when Ouma said that hewanted to die. As with everything else, I think it was one more huge, walkingcontradiction that constitutes Ouma as a character. He wanted to live, yes, buthe also wanted to die. He wanted to get back at the mastermind and put an endto the killing game, but the toll it was beginning to take on him was much toohigh. Hatred for the mastermind and for the killing game itself was all thatwas keeping him alive at some point, I think, and had Gonta’s avatar not toldhim that the “only thing he could do for him was to try and stay strong andunite the group,” I do think Ouma really might have tried to die with him.

We know for a fact that Ouma had seen the outside world. Notonly via a remember light, but actually, honestly seen the outside world itself, via the keycard he ran off with atthe beginning of the chapter. We know for a fact that the secret of the outsideworld is so horrible that just knowing it can immediately drive an optimistic,sweet, happy-go-lucky person like Gonta into a bout of existentialism anddepression, and completely change his mind about living to the point where hehonestly, truly believed they’d all be better off dead.

As Ouma is neither optimistic nor sweet nor happy-go-lucky,I can’t help but think the secret of the outside world had to hit him hard too,considering how jaded and cynical he was even before confirming things with thekeycard. The whole point about the state of the outside world and the truth oftheir existences within the killing game was that things were so horrible that knowingabout them could cause literally anyone to give up their will to live on thespot and want to just give up and die. To say that Ouma would be completelyimmune or unaffected by knowing these things doesn’t add up.

If anything, Ouma being imbued with “despair” in his talent mighthave helped prepare him for the worst-case scenario, but seeing it confirmeddirectly with his own two eyes can’t possibly have helped matters. The factthat he went from relatively ruthless and completely set on accomplishing hisplans by staying alive no matter what it took in the first few trials, to just…unhappily,reluctantly giving up his life for at least a shot at putting his plan againstthe mastermind into action in Chapter 5 suggests to me that he was tired. Really, really tired. Thedifficulties of living on in a game in which he’d actually turned everyoneagainst himself too successfully outweighed the risks of just ending it all andtrying to at least put an end to the killing game himself in his final moments.

However people want to read into Ouma is always up to them,but it is pretty much a fact that he hates killing. His DICE group is confirmedby Tsumugi to only have committed “laughable crimes” like pranks or petty theftback in the real world, and they had a cardinal rule about never killinganyone. The fact of the matter is that for all Tsumugi tried to completelytwist Ouma’s personality and make him into a despair-ridden liar for the sakeof entertainment value, not wanting to kill if he could possibly help it wassuch a core part of his personality that he stayed essentially the same becauseof that.

Even knowing that he was a character meant to embody ”despair,”even feeling “corrupted” and as though all he could do was lie and manipulatehis way around the gameboard, he played the game by his own rules and attemptedto only turn that despair back around on the mastermind themselves, because hehated the notion of the killing game itself so much.

And yet, he did lead two people to their deaths in Chapter4. Even though Miu initiated her plan of her own accord and it wasn’t somethingshe was forced into doing, and even though Gonta did willingly agree tomurdering a person with his own two hands and takes accountability for it, it’strue that it was a dirty tactic that Ouma relied on in the hopes of stayingalive, even when dying would have been infinitely easier. And I think he didhonestly blame himself, and that the emotional outburst we see with him cryingto Gonta and wanting to die with him is one of the few times he felt it wassafe enough to show his true feelings on the matter—after all, he’d either bedead, or he’d just go back to lying in order to fool the mastermind in aboutfive minutes (as he actually did, after the execution).

People can feel free to agree or disagree, and there’s ofcourse a lot of room for speculation and reading between the lines whereverOuma’s true intentions are involved, but I hope this has clarified matters alittle! I personally feel his actions and decisions throughout Chapter 5 andeven during earlier parts of the game don’t make sense unless I read them likethis, and that’s why ndrv3 Chapter 4 continues to hurt me more than almost anyother trial in a DR game.