#I'VE BEEN WITH MY FIANCE FOR 5. YEARS. AND WE'RE ENGAGED!!!!

[lightningfilledsaber]

I'm just so fucking glad to be alive

[come-away-with-me87]

The Art of Love Chapter 5

Chapter 4 here

******

"Please, have a seat," as you motioned to the seat on the other side of your desk.  Shouta and you both sat down in your respective seats, and he looked around your desk for a moment.  It was primarily scattered with the kids' drawings, but over to the side, there was a picture of you and Kento from your engagement photoshoot.  Even though he's been gone for years, you never had the heart to take it down.  You had told yourself it was a reminder of the decision you had made back at his funeral, but now you were having complicated feelings about everything.

"Is that you and your husband?" Shouta asked, finally speaking up first.  "Oh...oh. That's...that was my fi-fiance, Kento. He passed away a few years ago."  Shouta looked over at you, "I see. I'm sorry."  You looked over at the picture for a moment, then looked back over at Shouta, "thank you."  You two sat there in an awkward silence for another moment, until you said to Shouta, "so, you wanted to tell me about Eri's past and why she's here?"  His shoulders seemed to relax a little bit after the awkwardness, simply replying, "yes."  

Shouta then went on to explain everything from the beginning.  For years, she was used and abused as an experiment to make a Quirk-Destroying drug by the leader of the Shie Hassaikai, Overhaul.  "Her body was destroyed then restored over and over again by Overhaul's Quirk," Shouta said with venom in his voice.  He then went on to explain how he Shie Hassaikai joined forces with the League of Villains, which is when the rescue plan was put in order by a pro-hero named Sir Nighteye.  After much grief and loss, Mirio and a boy named Izuku Midoriya were finally able to rescue Eri, with Mirio losing his Quirk in the process.

"Eri lived a very fearful and secluded life," Shouta stated.  "We never saw her smile for the first time until long after she was rescued, when Mirio took her to the U.A. School Festival.  I've been working with her since then on maintaining her Quirk.  Overall, she shows to be better, but I thought this class could also, in a way, provide a form of therapy to her that the U.A. can't."  You sat there and just looked at Shouta with tears in your eyes; what a heartbreaking situation for a young girl to go through.  You blinked back your tears, trying to remain professional, and brought out some of Eri's artwork.

You slid her self-portrait across the desk to Shouta stating, "this is one that has concerned me the most so far."  Shouta picked up the drawing from the desk and observed it.  "Interesting..." you heard him say for the second time now.  "It's difficult to tell, but this looks like the outfit she was in when she was being held captive in. She had on a tan dress and was covered in bandages."  He put the drawing back down and you automatically looked down at it, saying "it seems she still views herself that way for some reason."  "I agree," Shouta replied, "I'll talk with her about it tonight after we're done training."  

"What exactly are you training her on, if you don't mind my asking?"  He looked up at you thoughtfully for a moment, "I'm helping her train on controlling her Quirk since she was never taught how to. She's shown tremendous progress so far, but still has a ways to go."  You smiled at him in response, "you're pretty remarkable, you know that? You spend your days teaching and training students on becoming heroes, then you spend your evenings training Eri. It takes a pretty special person to do something like that."  Shouta slightly blushed and looked down at his lap, quietly saying, "it's not a big deal."  You just smiled again in response.

He looked back up at you, "the colors she chose for her mandala..." he trailed off, "I believe she associates those colors with Overhaul," to which he explained what Overhaul's outfit consisted of.  "Ah, it makes sense why you said it was interesting when you first saw it. I promise, I will do my best to continue working with Eri through her trauma, and help her become the best version of herself," you said with confidence to Shouta.  "It seems like she is also in excellent hands with everyone at the U.A., so between that and her art therapy, I'm confident that she'll heal."  

It was Shouta's turn to smile at you, "thank you for taking her into your class, Y/N. She thinks very highly of you, saying you're very kind to her. I can tell you're a warm person, and I appreciate you now being a part of not only her healing process, but her life."  Now it was your turn to blush.  "Listen, I don't normally do this, but I would like to give you my personal phone number in case you ever need me for anything...for Eri, of course."  You wrote your phone number down on a piece of paper, and slid it across the desk to him.  "Thank you, Y/N, I appreciate that. I'll give my number as well, in case something happens in the classroom or you're concerned about anything...regarding Eri."

He ripped off a small piece of paper from the one you gave him, wrote his number down on it, and slid it back across the desk to you.  "Well, I better get back to the campus. I have training with Eri and I also have papers to grade. Thank you for taking the time out of your schedule to talk to me."  You smiled over at him, "it was my pleasure."  You both got up at the same time, and you walked him over to the door.  "Thank you, Shouta, for everything you've been doing for Eri; I can tell you've been such a positive influence in her life; she's lucky to have someone like you."  He smiled at you once more, said goodbye, then took his leave.  You couldn't help but stand there and stare at him walking away.

You went back to your desk, picked up the piece of paper with Shouta's number on it, and plugged his number into your cell phone.  You then noticed yourself smiling the whole while.  After you finished putting his name and number in your contacts list, you put your phone down, and took a deep breath.  Sure, Shouta had some sort of effect over you that you couldn't explain, but you only have his phone number for Eri's sake.  That was all.  At least, that's what you told yourself, as you continued to smile down at Shouta's name in your contacts list.

******

To be continued...

******

Tag list: @lili-pond ; @jaguarthecat ; @big-denki-energy ; @ivydoesit23

[cheshire-kas]

My parents think my fiance groomed me

I could use some advice and/or validation. TLDR at the end

I (24F) met my fiance (29M) when I was 14. We met on Tumblr and through fandom spaces. I don't want to sound like that girl, but I was mature for my age, he was immature for his age (not properly socialized, never got to go to high school kind of thing). When I was 16, almost 17, I looked at our relationship and went to him (at the time her) and said 'hey, I think the way we feel about each other is romantic, would you agree? Let's put a label on this.' So to be clear, everything in the relationship has been at my suggestion. I've pushed for it all.

And though we did put a label on it, it never went far. Earlier this year, we decided to relabel our relationship as queerplatonic as he's pretty sure he's aro/ace. This has helped ease him, as he's had plenty of panic attacks about the idea that he did groom me without knowing it.

My folks are claiming that in the earlier years, I lied about his age to make it seem better. Neither of us remember this happening. I'm not saying it didn't, maybe I've forgotten, but I am really firm that I don't think it did. Because of that, and because he's got a few disabilities, they're claiming that he groomed me into taking care of him for the rest of our lives. My parents found out that we were together when I was 17. (I made it Facebook official cause I've never been great at talking to them) At that time, we both identified female, so I was worried more about the reaction to a queer relationship than anything else.

We've been engaged for almost two years now, wedding set for June, and just now I found out that my parents are unsupportive of the wedding not because they think I'm settling for my first option, or because they're transphobic/homophobic, but because they think he's groomed me. If that's what you've been thinking all this time, wouldn't that have been something you would have said before now? Not just two months out from the wedding?

We're now in a polycule with two other partners (27NB and 29M) and they're of the opinion that the age gap is a scapegoat for transphobia. Personally, I think it's a scapegoat, but not for that. I think my parents are upset that my fiance has been 'turning me away from them.' Even though it was their parenting that I... disagree with, to put it lightly. My fiance did not ask my father for my hand in marriage, and when I was younger, all my friends would point out that my 'funny stories' about interactions with my parents were kinda messed up. So that made me look at our relationship and re-evaluate. Those two things combined, I wouldn't be surprised if they're blaming him.

I want to cut them out, and tell them not to come to the wedding if they're that against it, but cutting them out would mean cutting out my 8yo sister, and honestly, I'm really worried about leaving her with them without any other influences. I want her to grow up better than I did.

They seem unable to accept the fact that platonic, romantic, or sexual, I've decided that this is my person, that I care about them so damn much I've decided I want them in my life for the longterm. I'm just at a loss.

TL:DR, because we have a 5 year age gap, and started dating when I was 16, my parents think I've been groomed, and waited until two months out from the wedding - after almost 7 years of a relationship - to voice their concerns

[calespsychoticbubble]

There is just so much.

To say that is an understatement. There is truly just so much going on in my life at this time that there are some days where my life does not feel like my own. I wouldn't say it's necessarily a bad thing, but it does get overwhelming at times.

Working full time has been such a blessing these past few years, and I'm glad that I have never been without work. And my job has been great despite any challenges. I've learned a lot about what I want to do in my work and where my strengths come in handy. I've gradually built relationships with some staff members and I have grown more comfortable being myself at work. The security I feel knowing my job will be there year after year has given me a lot of peace and it came at just the right time. After almost four years of work, I forget that I started in a very different place and being here is something I'm very grateful for. At the same time, work is tiring. It's relentless, Monday to Friday (although it's a blessing I don't work on weekends), and as an introvert I give a lot of energy to serve my colleagues and my students. And with so many other things going on outside of work, I find myself distracted, thinking about everything else on my plate. During those times, I am not giving my best effort.

It's why, even though I am quite occupied, I try not to work on my masters course while I am at work. Splitting my attention during the work day has not been very effective and I would prefer to do one thing at a time. That means, when I get home, I do have to take time each evening to do course work. That might be reading, writing a response, filming a video (for my current class), responding to others, researching for projects, etc. I try to be diligent and stay ahead of the schedule so that I have buffer days for when I can't make time or I get sick (which did happen earlier this year), so there are days where I can have two or three hours of work. Fortunately, my fiance also has work to do in the evenings so we tend to spend many days a week just working in the same space, but we still try to make time to talk and engage in hobbies together. I am grateful that I get to study while working, as my courses are related to my work, but balancing the two takes some care that I get tired of doing. God has been very gracious in giving me time when I need it, so I haven't handed in anything late or missed assignments, but the mental exhaustion of it is hard.

On top of those things, I am also engaged and planning a wedding. My fiance and I discussed for a while before getting engaged, so it's not like it was a surprise, but I guess I forgot how much work planning a wedding can be. We take an hour or so each week to do wedding-related things, sometimes more if we can, but it's slow work that sometimes sparks disagreement. My fiance and I mostly debate about how to do things (I want it efficient, he wants it (as close to) perfect), and the frustration comes from that. Not that our disagreements have been terrible, but we do get into debates and need to reset because we're losing sight of the original question. I wish things could be done faster sometimes, but both of us do have a lot going on and I'm trying to be patient and gracious in these moments.

And as if that weren't enough, my fiance is now applying to jobs and wondering if we should relocate for a few years. We've been talking about this for at least a month or so when he first started doing interviews, and I said that I would be fine if it was short term (under 5 years), abroad was fine if it was only one or two years, but we would have to discuss seriously if it was really an option. And lo and behold, he might get an offer from a job in another city in Canada. It's been stressful for him going through all these job interviews, but his efforts have proved fruitful as he not only has that job offer potentially on the way, but potentially two others as well. With all these potential options on our table, we've been talking for days trying to figure out what to do. Do we stay where we've been for five years and just keep living as we have been, even though the job here is not as interesting or helpful for his career? Or do we take a risk and move to another city where we don't know anyone, don't have our community, but would be aligned with his research interests and would be a great first step for his career? Albeit, my fiance has said the move would only be temporary, and we would only stay in that city as long as we liked it/were called to stay. If even after a year it's not working, we would leave. Those thoughts might be idealistic, but I would want it to be short term because of the community we have here already. Through much discussion and some tears, as we spoke to my parents about these options and they gave their perspective and advice, we are still undecided, partially because we are waiting for official offers from these companies.

With all of this going on, it truly is so much. I don't know if it's all supposed to happen at once, but this is what is happening in my life. I never planned to be this busy and this packed, but here I am. I always said I wasn't going to plan a wedding while I was still in school, but now I'm planning a wedding while working and doing school. Life is so crazy sometimes and there's just so much to think about. I've been praying about it in my daily devotions and journaling, and my fiance has also been praying on his own, and we've also been praying together to see where God will lead us. Are we called to stay? To leave? Is it time for me to take a pause in my work to focus on my studies and support my fiance in his first career job?

All of this might be answered in the next couple weeks as the offers come in, so we are continuing to pray and ask some of the older figures in our lives on what to do. I pray that God would lead us to make the decision that would best glorify Him and aligns with His plan for us.

[screamingintosilence]

Darling, You're the One I Want

Songfic Writing Challenge Day 9

Paper Rings - Taylor Swift

A/n: we're back, babes! Oof, post vacation has me needing another vacation just to recover

--

She saw Jughead's wince out of the corner of her eye as she unwrapped a brilliant pair of white diamond earrings gifted to her by Veronica. It was so tiny that only someone who spent every day with him and knew him better than he knew himself would have caught it.

“Only the best for my B!” Veronica clapped happily from her perch on Archie's lap. Betty thanked her profusely, getting up to give her a hug, her smile genuine with gratitude to one of her favorite people, but still worrying about Jughead in the back of her mind.

Betty was surrounded by her friends in celebration of her 25th birthday and she felt truly blessed to have all these people in her life.

Toni was sitting with her legs lapped over Cheryl's, the newly engaged - as of last month - Veronica and Archie in their little bubble of joy, Fangs and Kevin curled up next to each other deciding that they are definitely “on” again, and Sweet Pea and Reggie sitting at the kitchen table, being very much Bros and having an arm wrestling contest...again.

And then there was Jughead Jones the third, the love of her life since they were only 15. He was her saving grace as much as she was his. He had recently signed a publishing deal on his book about Jason's murder and the out fall that it caused, a long fought battle that he'd finally won out.

She was so beyond proud of him. She knew all of their friends were, but she had seen him through every long night, every midnight cup of coffee, every frustrated rejection. She had seen the full ten years of this book in the making, and seeing him finally achieve everything he had wanted since he was a little kid writing stories in Archie's treehouse, she knew how much he'd deserved this.

As she opened the next gift Cheryl, a beautiful, white Michael Kors purse, she saw Jughead’s mouth tick as he forced a smile as he abruptly stood, quietly saying that he'd “be right back” and rushed out of the room.

After she hugged her cousin, telling her how much she loved it, and gave it to Veronica to ogle, she followed after her love to their bedroom.

She stood in the doorway, watching him pace back and forth in agitation, biting his thumb nail and running his hand through his hair. She bit her lip in worry.

“Juggie?” His eyes snapped up to her, widening and looking like a cornered animal. “Are you ok, sweetheart? You're worrying me.”

He visibly deflated, reaching out and pulling her towards him, wrapping his much larger frame around her smaller one. Shoving his nose into the strands of her hair, he breathed deeply, letting the smell of her calm and comfort him.

“Jug?” she asked again, her hand stroking up and down his back in assurance that she was there.

He let out a deep sigh, shifting his face so that his cheek rested on the crown of her head.

“Yeah, I'm ok Betts.” She stayed silent, his tone lingering at the end, letting her know that he had more to say. “It's just hard sometimes, ya know? Seeing all the nice things that Veronica and Cheryl can get for you, and you deserve it! Don't get me wrong, you deserve the world and then some, but knowing it's not me that can give it to you? At least, not yet, even with the signing bonus. It's just...it's just so hard and-and I know I'm not handling it with the most grace, but I-I don't know,” he broke off abruptly as if realizing he was rambling.

His arms were tight around her, as if scared she might disappear. She was the very best thing to ever happen to him, his absolute favorite person in the whole world.

“I guess I'm just scared that one day you'll actually wake up and realize that there is someone who can give you all those things, more than I'll ever be able to no matter how many books I publish, and you'll leave me behind.” Betty snorted. “I know, it's crazy, but-”

“Not only is it crazy, it's probably the dumbest thing I have ever heard you say, and I've heard you and Archie play video games.”

“I know, I know. But it's just… I want to marry you Betts. I want to give you this big rock so everyone within a mile can see that you're mine, because it's what you deserve. But it sucks because I want to marry you now and I don't have the ridiculous amount of money for something like that.” Betty pushed him back so he could meet her eyes.

She framed his face between her palms, gently stroking his cheekbones with her thumbs. “Forsythe Pendelton Jones the Third, you listen to me, and you listen good, ok?” He nodded.

“Cheryl and Veronica have a skewed sense of the world and spend money just to spend money, that's what happens when you're an heiress. They don't really have an appreciation for anything less. And yeah, the things they get me are nice and lovely and I like them a lot, but I know that the price of those things barely affects their bank accounts. Knowing how much you toil away and save to get me anything nice is just more to me, especially from you because you're my whole world, Jug.

“And I don't want or need a big rock, good Lord it would be obnoxious.” He laughed at how her nose crinkled at the thought. “Honestly, sweetheart, you could ask me to marry you with a Ring Pop or a paper ring, like the ones we used to make when we were 5, you remember?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled. “You always made the prettiest ones.”

She smiled, “My point being, you can ask me without spending a dime and I would say yes every time, Juggie. I love you and I want to marry you no matter what, ok?” Her green eyes stared into his blue intently.

His gaze held hers, discerning that she was telling him the truth, not that she would ever lie to him. Betty never did with him, their relationship was based 100% honesty. Letting out another sigh, this time of relief, he nodded before pulling her into a passionate kiss.

There was a knocking from the doorway that brought them back to attention that they still had an apartment full of friends and that know wasn't the time to get lost in each other.

“Hey lovebirds, everything ok in here?” Archie inquired, forehead creased in concern for his two best friends.

“Yup!” Betty chimed with a genuine, trademark, Betty Cooper megawatt smile, her hand squeezing Jughead's tightly in continuous reassurance.

“That's great,” he grinned back. “You just have Jug’s present left to open Betty.”

She felt Jug squeeze her hand back, a little too much for just a moment, before relaxing once more into a comforting grip.

She practically skipped out of the room, both boys following in her wake, chuckling at her enthusiasm.

Once back in the living room, Jughead scooped up his present from the coffee table where all the gifts had been gathered, handing it to her with a flourish.

She grinned up at him and wasted no time ripping through the wrapping paper. She got through the tape securing the flaps of the cardboard box together with minor difficulty, only to be met with an explosion of tinsel hiding whatever was in the box from her gaze.

“Really, Juggie?” She gave him a sidelong glace of faked annoyance as their friends laughed. He smirked in response, nodding at her to continue.

“This is going to be a bitch to clean up,” she quipped, throwing handfuls of the glittery strands onto the floor, searching for whatever it is he had hidden in the depths of cardboard.

Her hand wrapped around a small velvet box and she froze, the room going quiet as her eyes grew wide. She couldn't move her hand from still inside the cardboard box, her mind racing, realizing what it was.

“Betts?” Jughead's voice wobbled in slight concern. Her eyes snapped up, reaching his equally as wide eyes, taking in his stance in front of her - one knee on the ground, the other bent.

His hand reached into where hers still was frozen, taking the box from her grasp and pulling it out so all their friends could see. Her eyes never left his as she still was trying to figure out how to breathe.

“Elizabeth Cooper, baby, Betty, Betts. You're my everything. Everything good in my life is because of you, because you fought for me and made it that way. You make me the best possible version of myself, I couldn’t be me without you. I-”

Her brain and her breathing had finally caught up to where she needed them to be, comprehending just what was happening before she launched herself at him, cutting off the rest of his speech as she tackled him to the ground.

“Oof, Betts, I-”

“Yes! Yes yes yes yes yes, a million, billion, trillion times yes!” She pressed her lips his hurriedly, her tongue seeking entrance into his mouth, only vaguely registering all their friends cheering, wolf whistling, and squealing (which distinctly sounded like it came from Reggie).

“You didn't even let me finish!” Jughead laughed, pulling back from her.

“I don't care!” She was sure her face could power Manhattan from how brightly she was smiling. “You can finish it later, I'm just… Oh my god, I'm engaged! I love you so much,” she pressed her lips to his once more, trying to deepen it before he gently pushed her back.

He chuckled at her furrowed brow at his rejection. “Don't you want to see your ring, sweetheart?” He popped the lid of the velvet black box that had stayed securely in his grasp through the altercation, displaying a beautiful thin gold band, with a single brilliant white diamond. Simple, delicate, elegant - Betty in every way.

“I know it's no paper ring,” he ribbed.

“You know I usually hate the word, but it's perfect, Juggie. Even I couldn't make a paper ring this good,” she laughed as he slipped the cool metal onto her left ring finger.

She gazed at it lovingly, watching the facets catch the light, before pulling her fiance in for another kiss, loving just how right the weight felt on her hand.

[roaringroger]

Losing

( BenHardy! Roger x Reader )

Finale of Maybe the Night series.

Pairing: John and Reader. Reader and Roger

Summary: Roger finds out about your pregnancy.

------

" I'm sorry what? I didn't clearly hear what you said, bri " i said, Freddie in total awestruck.

The whole ride was.. Silent, and i can feel my chest getting heavier and heavier as the silence goes on.

" I said, they're expecting a baby deacon. " Brian said in all seriousness, sipping on his champagne.

" How could it possibly be his? "

" Roger, you're insane. You literally think that it isn't John's? Perhaps if you were being a man four years ago then that child would've been yours. " Brian said in a matter of factly.

'course, they're right. They always are, and it's getting in to my nerves.

" ah, by the way, John said that they'll be having a mini Engagement Party at theirs, nothing fancy, just us. " Brian once again spoke.

Engagement Party? no. This can't be happening.

" this isn't real, you know? i--it's just her way of paying back, h--her vengeful desire after all i did.. I just-- no-- it can't be real " again, and again, i tried sinking this idea in.

" ah shit " Freddie cussed, as he accidentally dropped the cork for the champagne.

10...

" Roger, you were the best thing that ever happened to me "

9...

" Why can't you try? We can-- we can uh-- we can work this out, Rog. Please don't do this "

8...

" Roger? it umm. Obviously it went on the voicemail again but uh, i just want to let you know that i love you, okay? I love you, Rog. I always will. "

7...

" uh, rog? If you aren't busy, can you call back? Please, a five minute call will do. "

6...

" Roger? Why are you doing this to me? Am i not enough for you? "

5...

" Roger, i love you. Please, call me back. "

4...

" Roger please. Why are you doing this to me? "

3...

" Are you seeing somebody? "

2...

" t--the article, on the paper. Is--is it true? "

1..

" Roger! You're seeing somebody?! Am.. Am i too prude for you? What do i lack of?! God! After all these c--chaos and.. and everything, i still love you! i can't believe you did this to me, you've hurt me alot roger, you won, alright? You won. We're done. "

" Stop! Please! Stop, Stop, Stop! " i yelled, tears falling down, my breathing uneven.

I'm hurt, but she's more hurt.

" Roger! Jesus! What's going on? Are you alright? " Freddie asked as he rubs his hands up and down my back.

Brian in the other hand, was making a call to deaky, saying that we'll be delayed for an hour because of my issue.

" Deaky says it's alright if Roger can tag along, he needs rest, look at him, riled up. " Brian half-whispered to fred.

" N--no, i'm.. I'm coming, you guys should head out first, i'll tag along but delayed a bit. "

The duo told me if i can't handle the pain, which is obviously, meant to happen to me as karma, i shouldn't go.

But my gut told me to atleast stay at the party for a bit, a glance won't hurt right?

So, i did. I went to the Deacon's. And i saw her in a plain baby blue dress, paired with sandals, and her jacket? The one i gave her, my faux fur coat.

She's so beautiful, the fact that she hugs the coat to warm her due to the cold wind of London, her cheeks flush red, her smile, God i miss that smile.

I saw her sat in one of the steps, and her eyes just, wandered. I followed what she was looking at, and i did see the beautiful, breathtaking view of the nightsky.

I walked up to her, her smile slowly fades, but atleast she's smiling, right?

" So um. A baby deacon? "

" Yes. It's been a month since i've found out. We haven't told anyone but you, and the boys. "

" I'm happy. For you, and John, of course,and i can't stop- "

" Roger, stop. I know what's happening to you. "

" I can't stop thinking about the--the wedding, what should i wear and--and what would the gender of your baby with- "

" Roger, please stop. What's going on with you? They said it has been going on for a while. What's wrong? Are you alright? "

" Y/N, i was never alright when everything fell apart between us. I was never alright when i found out that you're getting married to my mate, but i have to accept it either way because, you know. You're happy with him, and not me. "

She's listening, but i can feel my heart sink deeper and deeper and deeper as i was saying those.

" i--i was never alright when you called on phone, and i-i didn't pick it up because i was scared that you'll blow at me and just end things because i was far. "

Her eyes were brimming with tears, she puts her hand in her face to calm down. Her face was red, the fact that she was about to cry because of me.

" I.. I thought, um. Brian was joking when he broke it down to us that you guys are engaged and, having a child at the same time, i--i was hurting too, love. I was. And you have every right to hate me now, but please. I can't and i will not deny the fact that i'm still in love with you, and this time i am, in deep. "

" Roger, why? "

Of course, i couldn't answer.

" We're you too scared to tell the world that you're dating a lowly of a woman like me? Roger, all i did was just to love you, take many risks for you, and that is get? Heartbreak? "

" I.. I still love you "

" Stop saying that. "

" It's true! I still love you! "

" No, Rog. You are inlove with the idea of you, being in love with me. "

She stood up, she was about to enter.

No.

I kissed her.

Her soft lips moving in sync with mine felt better. She still loves me.

" Roger- "

" Please, one last time. "

" No, Rog. Please, let me go. "

" Always remember that you're my Miracle Aligner. "

-----

" Deaky? " you called. The party isn't nothing fancy. Just you, deaky and the boys.

" He's in the backyard " says Brian, tuning Red Special, and a beer near him. Freddie was busy enjoying the company of Aria, my beagle that i got from Roger two years ago as a birthday gift.

John was outside, beer bottle in his hand, as he sat down the bench we had, he pat down the empty seat next to him.

" Deaky? "

" What is it? "

" We're happy, right? "

" With our Cleia, of course. We're happy. "

" But you do know she's from Roger's. Right? I mean, she got her eyes and nose from him. "

Deaky doesn't speak.

" You still love him, don't you? "

He looks at me. My heart races, do i still love him?

" Y/N, hey love. It's alright. You don't have to answer that. "

" Deaky, do you think, i still am? I mean it's been so long, the pain he left me is still fresh. "

" You still love him, but i'm letting you go. "

" Deaky why? I can't just.. Leave you like that, just because i'm inlove with someone- "

" Hush down, love. I'm letting you go, because i know, that maybe one day, you'll learn to be happy again, to be yourself again. I don't want you to be with someone whom you thought you love. "

" Deaky. "

" I love you, alright? Please don't cry, okay? I'm okay. I promise. "

" I don't deserve you, i love you. "

" I love you, too. please stop crying. Now go, get your man. "

" You know that you'll always be my man right? "

" Always. "

Roger was still sat outside. Sitting down on one of the steps.

" Hey, i'm.. I'm sorry i wasn't thinking it just- "

The moment i knew, i crashed my lips to his.

Our mouths in synchronization, and so was our heartbeat.

" Roger, you know that i still love you, right? "

" Yeah, i do. "

" Mommy! Help! I dropped my carrots! "

Cleia tugs at my coat.

She got Roger's eyes, nose and hell even lips.

My precious angel.

" Alright, i'm gonna help you clean up, bubba. "

Cleia re-enters the room, and i saw starstrucked Roger.

" Please tell me that's my daughter. "

---------

BONUS

" She what? "

" Roger! Hurry she's giving birth you twat, hurry up! "

Brian's voice from the other line.

" I'm coming! "

I arrived at the hospital, and there they are, My wife, along with my five year old daughter, Cleia. Brian holds Cleia and Freddie was pushing down the wheelchair, afted several tries to pry people out of my way, i finally reached it.

I saw my wife, cradling a child in hef arms, lightly rocking it.

" Roger! Look at your son, he's so handsome " Deaky, hand in hand with his Fiance.

" I know, perks of being a Taylor, right love? "

" Shut up, Roger. " she chuckled.

" What did you name him again, love? "

" Richard Meddows "

------

FIN!!

[paradeoflaughter]

Under the cut cause I ramble on about shit and am sad.

It's 1AM and I have to get ready to go to work in 5 hours but I'm wide awake and have been crying cause my mom isn't around to do wedding stuff with me. This year marked the year I've spent more years without her than I did with her and yet all this wedding stuff is making it feel like it was just yesterday. It's been a long time since I've sobbed over missing my mom and yet here I am.... I found a couple of blog posts from other motherless daughters planning their wedding and it made me realize one of the reasons I've been putting off doing wedding planning even though we've been engaged almost a year now - I don't know what I'm going to do without my mom. Sure I was only 16 when she died and we certainly weren't in that friend stage yet but that doesn't mean I don't grieve the fact that she can't go with me to pick out my wedding dress or be there for the big day. I honestly have no idea who I even want to go with to find a dress. My best friend is my fiance and I can't go with him. My dad got remarried but she's not my mom - I don't think of her as a mom. My future mother in law is wonderful but she's also not my mom. My family is super supportive but they also just don't feel right to go with. I don't have any super close girl friends. Like I have some girl friends but a) one of them lives in another state and the last time I sent her a text opening up about stuff I felt vulnerable about she didn't even reply, b) the other sort of close girl friend I have is leaving the country soon and I don't know if she'd even want to go with me, c) the other girl friends I have I don't really ever talk to outside of when I see them at group stuff so that just feels weird too. I've been toying with the idea of just going alone but I don't know if I'm just going to end up feeling really sad and alone and just start crying and it being super awkward for the people at the bridal shop. I still feel iffy about covid shit anyways so I'm not even looking forward to trying on dresses and wearing a mask and being worried about getting covid from dress shopping.

I can't wait to be married but I wish I was more excited about the planning part. I used to dream about planning a wedding and how fun it would be and now I'm just sad because I don't have my mom and I'm anxious about covid that is still very much a thing no matter how much people want to just go back to their pre-covid lives.

I'm also really not looking forward to this weekend. It's my grandfather's funeral and there's gonna be a ton of people there I haven't talked to in ages and I kind of just stopped talking to cause I was covid depressed and then there's my family who is probably just gonna bombard us asking about wedding planning stuff even though I've been too sad to plan anything. (In full transparency we also bought a house earlier this year which was super stressful and I wouldn't have wanted to plan a wedding at the same time but now that we're more settled the only thing holding us back is me and I don't know what to do) and it's gonna be inside and I don't want to get covid. I've avoided it this long and I really don't want to get sick.

It's now 1:40AM and what the fuck am I doing with my life. I'm gonna be so tired when my alarm goes off even though I'm not tired now.

It's crazy how earlier today I was in such a good mood and then I was watching someone's stream that I'm a sub and vip in and they didn't say hi or respond to anything I said and I know from past experience they've said that sometimes they say hi to someone in their head or just think they've already said hi when they didn't actually so it was probably nothing personal at all (like I'm a VIP that they chose to give me themselves) but it still always makes me feel so left out when I talk in someone's stream and no one acknowledges it and deep down I wonder if everyone blocked me. I'm almost 33 why the fuck do I even care about this shit.

I just want people to like me and I also miss my mom. What a complex.

[thedivinemsw]

The 'fuck you' letter that turned into a diary/book to future him

So yeah. I got this little mandala notebook at the dollar store and started writing in it over the summer. Every other page there's a mandala to color. But I turned it into a place to write personal things. Then someone took it and read it and wrote in pencil on almost every page themselves. But I'm using a hot pink pen and letting it all out. Writing it all down. Maybe even color the mandala pages nice and pretty for them. But it really did start out as a fuck you letter to the only man I've ever loved. But I can't stop writing is the thing. And then when we're having an intense conversation (via text bc that's the only way we can seem to communicate without arguing or ripping each other's clothes off. True story.) Anyway, sometimes I pull shit I remember writing there to him and use them when he's got my head and heart twisted up again. But he won't remember because he doesn't want to. It's pretty damn impressive I think. I left his "love notes" on the pages too and just wrote over them. It feels good to let it all out and just be as real as I've ever been in our life together. 20+ years is so hard to just walk away from...we may be an hour apart now but I have been over there too many times to count. It's been 2 weeks now I think? Brief timeline: met at age 11, 1996. "Dated" off and on and off and on and then off for about 5 years. 17 years old, February 15th, 2004, I officially became his girl. We got engaged not super long after I graduated high school (c/o 04) before he had to go to jail for a lil bit. He was "living" in a random persons garage and it was an awful little love shack but I was right there with him every single day. Calling it what it was, a private place where he and I could be horny 18/19 year olds. A love shack. He was down on his knees in the closet looking for something, but I wasn't really paying attention to him. I I look down and he's in front of me in one knee with his hands shaking and I didn't understand what was happening. I tried to get him off the floor bc it was so dirty, so I can't remember what all he said but what I do remember so clearly was "I heard that if you're going to do this you do it once and you do it right and do it right" then asked me to marry him. Duh. Of course I said yes. We eventually got our own /1st apt together. He went to jail for a bit and i went to see him every day and talked to him a million more times a day. He got out and put on house arrest. We got married August 19, 2006. While he was on house arrest. In my mom's backyard and it was freaking special to me. Not ideal. My best friend and I picked out my wedding ring. I bought his on a trip to NY in July 2006 where I also got my dress and decided I was going to go home and finally marry my fiance. March 26, 2008 we have our first child, Hayden Marley. February 25, 2012, we have our second child, Ava Leigh. November 16, 2014 we have our 3rd child, Lyric Presley. August 19, 2017, we celebrate our 11th wedding anniversary not together. 10 days later, August 29th, 2017, he tells me he's done being married. To me. Sorry, almost forgot the blame game he tried. He's been cheating on me for a while I guess. But I don't wanna think about the deep dark depression I was in and the spiral my life went into and what almost happened. What did happen. Maybe another day. So anyway, back on track. I'm hoping he'll actually read it. And he'll be awake enough to understand it.