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[pigeonstab]

More of these two

[bonefall]

Any thoughts on Moonpaw’s design? Do you plan to make her appearance a bit more unique/utilize the chimera a bit more?

Honestly I think her canon design is pretty fantastic! I don't agree with those who're saying it's not unique lmao, like, the team's never been THIS creative before. She blows Pure Gray Cats 3, 4, and 5 out of the water.

But, boy oh BOY am I gonna have fun with this one. Last night I sketched up a possible combo for each Moonpaw from the options I presented. Whichever one gets picked I'll tweak more, but I went ahead and made a 'base' character design for each one.

Also bonus: Headshots for all of the possible parents. Note the slight update for Stormcloud, I figured out a better way to draw his cheek fluff and changed his stripe pattern a bit

Whatever designs end up not being used for Moonpaw, I'll probably tweak for another new litter. ThriftPlum and ShellFern's hypokits will slot well into the eventual ShellFern litter we (HOPEFULLY) get soon, and with a slight edit, StormCherry's can be a new Honeyfur.

PlumThrift

This one's becoming the least likely to happen I think. It could still win if it's the most fitting with the arc, supposing canon ends up writing a strained relationship between Moon and her parents, but based on the preview stuff that's not the case.

Still! I do like the Two Soccer Moms And Their Weird Child lmao.

Thrift and Plum are a downright deadly united front. They play Good Cop Bad Cop like they're practically telepathic. So I tried to get that across in their headshots.

Plumstone always looks laidback and chill. Thriftear exudes an aura of seriousness.

Their weird child inherits neither of these things. She looks like she eats bugs.

I decided to make this Moonpaw look REALLY fluffy. Plumstone inherited her grandpa Graystripe's body type, so it would be a shame if Moony didn't get it too.

FlipBay

BB!Bayshine is a DustFern descendant. He has his great-grandfather Dustpelt's plate.

The stripes come from grandfather Birchfall, who gave them to mother Duststripe.

Flipclaw is strikingly similar to his grandfather Lionblaze, back before he started balding.

While drawing this one I started trying to play around with the chimera idea more, that she's half of one cat and half of another. When the face plate came into it, it STRUCK me like lighting

It looks like phantom of the opera!!

So I started experimenting with one side being shorter-furred, and got a draft down before moving on to a waaay more in-depth design.

This was the last one I did last night before going to bed, so I'll post the evolution I made in a separate post. It's the one with the most potential thanks to the plate so it got pretty big.

ShellFern

Most Moonpaw designs are chunky, but I've always seen Shellfur as pretty slim. Definitely the slimmest in his recent family-- since Graystripe, the Dapplekin family has been thick and fluffy.

Mix that with Fernstripe, a WindClan cat, I made this Moonpaw resemble some kind of gazelle.

Fernstripe has this long, "fern-shaped" stripe on her body. Paired with Moonpaw's half-black body it looks kind of like stitches which is, imo, cool as fuck

I let her crescent-tufts add to the shape too, they curl in like horns... though, I am worried it looks too much like Curlfeather.

I'll probably give this one another pass if Moonpaw ends up being a ShellFern baby.

Also this take makes her took a bit more grumpy so she's closer in personality to her dad.

StormCherry

This is actually the first one I did

Cherryfall has a perfectly round, cherry-shaped face. She actually looks a ton like her dad, Berrynose.

I wanted to give Moonpaw that same face, because hers is simply a half-moon.

She looks like a stressed-out eevee and I kinda dig it LMAO

In color, this Moonpaw would probably lean more towards red than ginger. I see Cherry as a reddish cat.

She could also inherit Poppy's special red eyes-- she got those from being fetched away from StarClan by Jayfeather. Shadowsight also got them.

The stripe pattern is from Stormcloud. I decided recently that I'm going to try and limit thunder-shaped stripes to the Tigerkin family, something they inherit from Thunderstar himself. So Stormcloud's are now transverse across his body, with a distinct nose snip.

When I finally do decide StormCherry's kits, be that now with Moonpaw or later, I'll standardize Stormy's new stripes by giving him a new fullbody.

[lumilasi]

Final character for the antagonist group for Starknight tag. I still need to make his Deity-like Soul eater form (that the head is a preview of) but since it's gonna have a specific, more detailed style I'm gonna draw it in, I figured I might as well post these already and then I'll add it later/post it as a separate piece.

His looks is fairly simple in human form, given the flashier part will be the Deity form. Also I guess this reveals Amaros' former hair color (he's now bald) and where Azul's blue hair comes from - his mum not dad.

Info below:

Name: Sam (Full name Samar Amaros)

Age: Old. but he roughly appears as someone around their forties.

Height: 180 cm

A Mysterious Soul Eater who is actually a Half-Deity, due to being the brother of the Soul Eater King & the first ever Soul eater created.

Role: One of the antagonists for the Sterling family, often behind whatever chaos they are trying to solve. Later the main antagonist once he gets his memory back.

'Love interest': There's some sexual tension between him and Cornel, that the latter tends to take advantage of occasionally to mess with him.

Comrades:  Vincent DeVos (A plaque demon) Cornel Sala(An Ether born vampire) His boss Camilla Barone (Human mobster)

Rival: His brother Shaell & Shaell's son Azul/Chester

Powers:

Soul manipulation: Like all Soul eaters he can study, track, manipulate and devour souls, but on top of those things he can ALSO full on destroy them from existence, something S.E can't typically do. (Devouring doesn't destroy the soul, it just eventually moves it forward in life-cycle once the soul eater dies)

Immortality: being a Deity essentially, he does not age from the moment he was turned, and doesn't get sick either. He is also incredibly difficult to damage, and his injuries heal almost completely very fast majority of the time

Swordsmanship: he is an excellent swordsman, capable of summoning a blade reminescent of the one his brother carries.

Immense physical strength: This guy, while he doesn't look like much, is incredibly durable to the point human weapons don't do shit to him, and he can break people's bones with ease or tear off their limbs. (He is insanely strong even by Ether standards)

Soul Eater form: his form is far more powerful than any other Soul Eater in existence (with the exception of his distant descendant, Jurou Alistair Blackthorne who has the unique ability to even affect the souls of Deities like Samar and Shaell) and this form is basically a Deity rather than a mortal, where his strength grows tenfold from what it already is by default.

Weaknesses:

Due to his injuries from the previous battle against Shaell, his strange scar is often aching where he struggles to move that side arm and shoulder. It also constantly bleeds energy when in his Deity form, and is a weak spot to strike in a fight.

He is not the best at handling people being attracted to him, and tends to get flustered by it easily.

His desire for vengeance has somewhat blinded him for the actual harm his crusade could cause, and sadly his stint without his memory didn't help soften his position and give him important perspective he needs, resulting in him eventually going back to his old ways of trying to hunt down and kill his brother. (Basically, this guy is stubborn to a major fault when he's angry)

Personality:

He is mostly seen as very quiet and calm individual, who seems to be the one helping to keep Camilla's more eccentric duo of mythical subordinates in check. He has somewhat of a parental side to him he often aims at her and Vincent/Vee especially, and is most likely to check and make sure everyone is alright.

While he seems calm, if you know how to push his buttons (like Cornel) he can be very easily angered and pulled into a loud debate or even a fight. He is also notoriously stubborn once he's made a decision, and it can be hard to persuade him to change his mind.

He is somebody who tends to care about people he's close with intensely, which in part resulted to his burning hatred for his brother after being made to think Shaell killed his own family, even if accidental. (This turns out not to be even fully true; his sons survived and were simply thrown forward in time) It also manifests with his high protectiveness over Camilla.

BG Story

Samar is the older brother of Shaell Amaros and former Soulcaster-turned-Soul Eater. He used to have close and good relationship with his sibling and his sibling's wife, even babysitting their older son occasionally. Things changed however when Shaell, in an attempt to save his newborn son's life AND find a way to end the massive war going on at the time, performed a forbidden ritual he'd been studying, and seemingly ended up killing both his wife and children in the process. This ritual also turned Samar into a Soul eater against his will.

grief stricken and driven mad with anger, Samar attempted to kill his brother, but at the time was far too weak given he was not the one directly involved in the ritual. He then spent eons trying to discover where his brother had gone after the war, clashing with him and losing the fight each time. Shaell, unable to get through to him, eventually decided to just erase his memory and send him to the human realm, hoping that would finally calm him down enough so he could see reason again.

Samar was taken in by the Barone family after witnessing his strength, and he has been working for them for a long time now, not remembering anything about his past apart from his name being "Sam" or something akin to it. However, as a young Shadowcaster Chester Knight starts digging into his past and thus has run-ins with them, his memory ends up eventually coming back....

FUN FACTS

Samar is bi

He tends to get annoyed when people imply he sleeps with Camilla (because he sees her like a honorary niece)

Cornel and him bicker constantly about how to approach situations, but while it seems they can't stand each other, there is a level of mutual respect between the two, and both are equally protective of their boss Camilla

Samar is very parenty with Vee, and also feels sympathetic for his unrequited love, though he can also tell exactly why he was rejected...

He does find it a bit annoying that Cornel is taller than him, then again Cornel is very good at pissing him off no matter what. (and he ALSO finds it annoying he's attracted to the vampire without him even needing to use his charm powers)

His scar from the battle against his brother glows white when he uses his powers, both in human and Deity form.

When it is revealed that "Chester Knight" and his brother Reuben are his nephews, he refuses to believe it at first, thinking it is another ploy his brother is pulling to try to get him off his back.

The main reason why him killing Shaell is a major bad thing, is because that would essentially strip every single Soul Eater in existence from their power as well - and would in many cases kill the person. Samar is not aware of this, and initially doesn't believe this claim either when confronted about it.

Eventually his nephews do get through to him though, and after that final major fight with Shaell, he disappears for a while in shame of his actions.

[aspiringsophrosyne]

Episode 9: A Test of Pride.

Oh, don't you hate cliffhangers? Unless the movie's damn good enough to justify it, and those kinds are a rarity these days.

The Good.

This was another episode written by Sam and Travis, and it shows. Later I'll talk about the show's humor compared to the stream, but for now, I'll say that this one had some pretty good gags. The return of Boulder, Parchment, Shears, and Grog slamming Pike face-first into a barrel are peak Critical Role jokes.

You can catch an early nod to "When the Bald Man Cries" before Scanlan takes off; the beret on the dragonfly was a great little touch. 

And hey, Cobalt Soul cameo!

I appreciate the Grog backstory. Especially since, in-game, Travis has been repeatedly reticent (at best) to explore his characters' pasts. Ironic, given that, so far, they've turned out pretty damn hype. The level of brutality is perfect; it shows just how little freedom, care, and love Grog would've gotten had he not spared Wilhand and been given away through him and Pike.

Also, I love the detail that Kevdak has one blind eye in the present day because Grog slashed it out in their backstory. Took me a re-watch or two to pick up on that.

I dig the focus on civilians. I like seeing how not everybody in this world is a mercenary or can defend themselves as the protagonists can. In the game, there would definitely be individual NPCs that got focus and love, but you couldn't do too much, or blood vessels in the DM's brain would eventually bust.

I love Kaylie's design; it's a cute pixie-ish look that doesn't conflict with her justifiable distrust and angry behavior and makes the family resemblance clear as crystal. 

In terms of characterization, I appreciate that she and the troupe are trying to get help for the rest of the town; you get the impression Kaylie at least could sneak out on her own, but she's not doing that; she specifically charges Scanlan with the task of getting everyone out.

We got to see a little more from Zanror, too. Most of his portrayal was off-screen before the Kill Box fight in the original, so I liked seeing his and Grog's former closeness and Zanror's misgivings about Kevdak before that in these Herd-centric episodes.

The Bad. (Or at least, not great.)

I have something to say about Dranzel's troupe, but I think it fits better a couple episodes down the road. Keep them in mind for now.

Nitpick

I wouldn't have minded it if they'd made the flash back in the beginning of the episode a montage of different towns instead of just the one instance we saw. This would give us more info within the same amount of time, plus you can show multiple pillaged towns and Grog never encountering someone who was completely unprepared to fight back to any degree. Until he meets Wilhand.

This makes his change of heart make more sense and hit harder.

Pacing.

This is another episode with less-than-stellar pacing. 

Grog and Pike's part of the story is handled well, but Scanlan and Kaylie's storyline should feel much less drawn out than it does. There's a cut back to those two, Dranzel's troupe, and the various townsfolk a couple of times; nothing really happens with them before Scanlan convinces Kaylie he can get them out before he reunites with Grog and Pike.

We can fix that.

There's a dragon in the neighborhood: have his presence shake the walls, have Scanlan peer outside only to see a long black tail slinking around the building, or have Umbrasyl's acid breath seep through the roof and down onto the people below, who cry out in fear and pain and then desperately try to stifle themselves so they don't draw his attention. 

You can play up the suspense and uncertainty of the moment and make it feel like something catastrophic could happen at any time.

Pike's Mom?

I believe it was Sam who acknowledged during the watch party for this episode that there was some confusion over whether the gnomish woman we saw in the flashback was Pike or maybe her mother. This confusion was due to her hair being black, and her calling Wilhand her grandfather. Sam said that they didn't want Pike to say "great-great" every time she spoke of him, and that's reasonable. 

Except...

If you've got a scene where a character looks markedly different than usual, to the point they can be mistaken for another character or a relative, you have to. If there was any scene where Pike needed to refer to her great-great-grandfather as such, it was here, so it would be clear that this woman was Pike.

Kevdak

We'll talk more about Ralph Ineson and how fucking intimidating he and the animators made Kevdak in the next episode...but I gotta say, he comes across as a little generic here compared to his stream counterpart. Kevdak's scary, sure, but not in any specific way. He feels scary the way any big, brutal dude would feel scary.

I like the idea of one of the folks Zanror was talking to about a rebellion getting impulsive, attacking Kevdak, and either getting mutilated (losing an ear, or maybe a finger) or being killed outright in turn. This tells us two things: the rest of the Herd is not and maybe has not been happy with Kevdak's leadership, but he is very good at putting down dissenters. It's a reminder of the Herd and its leader's specific brand of brutality.

In the same vein I would've liked to see them do more to tell us what Kevdak's motivations were. In the wrap-up for the first campaign, the DM revealed that, as had been hinted at during the stream, Kevdak had been biding his time until he would eventually try to take down Umbrasyl. By contrast, the audience doesn't even get hints about what Kevdak's deal is in the show. Is he genuinely cowed by Umbrasyl? Is he biding his time until he can rebel against him? Is that just what he's telling himself to avoid coming to terms with the fact that he's a dragon's servant? What's going on with him? Despite the show having multiple opportunities to clarify this for us, it doesn't. 

That's it for this one folks. The last three episodes of the last season were nuts, and this one's no exception.

[artificialqueens]

If You Ever Wanna Be In Love (I'll Come Around), Chapter One (Branjie) - Athena2

Summary: After a mix-up at work leads to Vanessa pretending she has a wife, she uses this fake wife to get out of work events. But when she runs out of excuses and needs a wife for a party, Vanessa finds herself turning to Nina’s friend Brooke, who just so happens to need a fake girlfriend.

A/N: Doing a fake dating au has been in my head for a while, but I could never come up with a solid idea. I eventually came up with this and I hope you like! Thank you as always to Writ for supporting this idea and betaing for me!

Your comments and feedback really mean a lot to me, and it would be great if you could leave some for this chapter!

Title from If You Ever Wanna Be In Love by James Bay.

Read on AO3

It all starts with a ring.

Vanessa has a thing for thrift shops. She goes every Saturday, teetering between racks stuffed with clothes and shelves overflowing with pictures and books and tea cups, random odds and ends that she can’t help but find charming. Silky always calls it junk, but Vanessa snatched her frog salt and pepper shakers from one of those shelves, and those are the pride of her kitchen, thank you very much.

Part of her likes the excitement, the thrill of turning shirts over and coming face-to-face with the most amazing or weirdest thing you’ve ever seen. It’s like looking for treasure, and maybe it reminds her of the pirate phase she had as a kid, digging for gold in the sandbox, pirate hat perched on her curls and plastic sword dangling from her hip.

And if thrift shopping is a treasure hunt, the day she finds the rings is a definite jackpot. Two simple gold rings on a tray loaded with jewelry, including squirrel earrings that will haunt Vanessa’s nightmares. It’s only two dollars for the set, so she doubts they’re real, but they look good, and who can’t use more rings? One is too big for her, but the other fits perfectly, almost like it was lying on that tray for her finger exactly, eager for its next home. It’s another thing she likes about thrift shops–the chance of it all, whatever has to align in the world for that item to end up at the shop, for her to find it before someone else. It gives her a cozy, warm-blanket feeling, like she’s carrying on the history of these items, giving them a second life. Like maybe their magic would rub off on her life.

Or maybe she just gets too philosophical about thrift shops.

—

“I’m just saying, you’d be prettier if you smiled more–”

Vanessa inwardly rolls her eyes, burning with rage from this specific brand of children’s room torture: creepy men bringing their children and grandchildren inside and using the opportunity to harass the library staff.

The children’s room is supposed to be happy, with a colorful rug and an overflowing toy box and giant posters of books above the computer corner. There’s color everywhere, from the books on display to the neon green armchairs to the construction paper rainbow above the windows, but the man in front of her sucks up the joy and color like a tornado: at least twice her age, with a gray mullet and a bushy mustache littered with crumbs. And he has the nerve to tell her she’d be prettier if she smiled. Sweet Jesus.

Vanessa brushes the hair off her face and flashes the biggest smile she can muster, because they’re not allowed to yell at patrons and that’s the only thing that will hold back her scream. “Sir, do you have a question? We need the desk open for patrons who need help.”

His eyes move to her hand, her thrift shop ring glittering in the light, and he freezes, mouth open. “Oh, no–sorry, miss.” He walks away and Vanessa breathes a sigh of relief tinged with confusion. Their library-mandated words from the sexual harassment workshop never work.

“You okay?” A’keria asks quietly, a knowing look in her eyes. The creepy patrons are something they’ve all had to deal with, checking on each other afterwards just part of the routine.

“You can take a break,” Yvie offers.

Vanessa shakes her head. “I’m okay. I just–he stopped so fast. What do you think happened?”

“He was looking at your ring,” A’keria points out. “Maybe he thinks you’re married.”

Of course, Vanessa thinks. Of course men would respect a fake ring that they think hints at another man before they would respect her.

A’keria comes to the same conclusion and smiles sadly. “It’s awful it has to be like this, doesn’t it? Maybe you’re better off with that ring. Maybe they’ll stop.”

Vanessa shrugs. It’s worth trying out, for sure. Maybe she’ll wear it tomorrow and see what happens. If this little ring stops the endless offers of dates and comments on her clothes, she’ll wear it every damn day.

“Admin,” Yvie hisses.

Vanessa immediately straightens up. Three white men work in administration, doing the business aspects of the library, all interchangeable down to their balding heads and briefcases, copy-pasted from a businessman stock photo. Paul started recently and makes rounds through the building to see everyone.

“Everything all right here?” he asks cheerfully.

Vanessa nods, and notices Paul’s eyes also going to her ring.

“I didn’t know you were married, Vanessa,” he says.

Vanessa’s head spins. She could just say it’s a normal ring, but Paul’s made eyes at her before. Might as well keep the lie going, shut him down. “Oh, yeah, I just had to get my ring resized, so that’s why I haven’t been wearing it,” she says, giving herself a mental pat on the back for such a quick lie.

“Oh,” he says, clearly believing it. Then his face brightens. “Will we meet your husband–”

“Wife,” Vanessa corrects on reflex. Fake marriage is fine, but fake marriage to a man is where she’s drawing the line.

“Sorry,” he says quickly. “Will we meet your wife? At the dinner party this week, maybe?”

Ugh. The dinner party. Since Paul started, he’s had parties or dinners or drinks nearly every week, evenings of sheer boredom with the other library departments. Vanessa has wormed her way out of them with a careful combination of excuses, “prior commitments”, and fake illnesses, but the ring gives her an idea. If she’s run out of excuses for herself, what if she makes her fake wife the excuse? No one will know.

“I don’t know about this week,” Vanessa says with fake sadness. “My wife hasn’t been feeling well.”

“Oh, don’t worry. You take good care of her,” Paul says firmly. “Maybe next time.”

“Maybe,” Vanessa agrees, slapping high fives with A’keria once he leaves. Maybe this fake ring isn’t so bad.

—

Vanessa sticks her face directly in front of the air vent. Not only does it cool her off, but it also drowns out some of the kids yelling, so it’s a win-win. Summer is always a busy time for the library, but especially in the children’s room, where people dump screaming children like a daycare service and all the story-times mock her with their beach themes and kids slam down summer reading program lists to get their prizes.

Hardly any men have hit on her the last few months, and she knows it’s because of her ring. It’s like a superhero mask, protecting her and warning them not to mess with her. Plus, Vanessa’s been using the wife excuse like a shield. Outdoor party? Oh, my wife has allergies. Sorry I missed dinner, my wife got sick. She’s careful not to give too much away, not to tell any lies about her wife that she’ll get caught in later. Who wants to hear about a coworker’s spouse anyway? It works like a charm, and she’s avoided drowning in boredom at staff parties.

“Vanessa,” Silky and Nina call from the desk.

Vanessa runs in to see Paul at the desk, talking about the party next week.

“You have to come to this one, Vanessa, and bring your wife!” he insists. “I still haven’t met her. No excuses,” he teases cheerfully.

“Oh, sure, uh…” She muddles through excuses, trying to remember what she’s used. Migraine? No, she used that for the Valentine’s party. Stomach bug? No, she used that for the spring party and for drinks last month. At this rate she’ll have to fake her death and move to Mexico.

“We’ll be there,” she says finally through gritted teeth.

“Excellent!” Paul shouts. “I can’t wait to meet that wife of yours, Vanessa!”

Shit. Shit shit shit.

—

“What are you gonna do?” A’keria asks as they make their way to the parking lot.

Vanessa sighs. “I don’t know. Maybe I’ll fake my death.”

“I know a guy, if you really want to,” Yvie says, and Vanessa doesn’t think she’s joking.

“Put an ad online asking someone to be your fake wife for a night,” Silky suggests.

“Something that won’t get me arrested or murdered, Silk,” Vanessa says, and Silky shrugs, clearly out of legal ideas.

“It’s not a bad idea,” Nina interjects thoughtfully. “Not the ad part, but the fake wife part,” she clarifies at Vanessa’s open mouth.

“Where am I gonna find someone to be my fake wife for a boring work party?” Vanessa asks.

“Well,” Nina begins, “you remember my friend Brooke?”

Vanessa thinks of Nina’s dinner parties, with fancy French pastries and wine-fueled laughter. She remembers a tall blonde, an old friend of Nina’s, quiet with a shy smile and wry sense of humor. She works in the history museum a few blocks away, if Vanessa remembers correctly.

“Yeah,” Vanessa says vaguely.

“She’s really sweet. I watched her cats for her last month, and she’s been wanting to repay me. If I mention the idea, she’d probably do it.”

“You’d do that for me?” Vanessa always knew Nina is one of the kindest people ever, but this seems a lot even for her.

“Of course I would.” Nina smiles, and Vanessa breathes a sigh of relief.

—-

Brooke turns Nina’s phone call over in her mind.

You remember my friend Vanessa? Well, she has a bit of a problem…

And apparently the solution to this problem is for Brooke to be in a fake relationship with Vanessa for some work party.

She remembers Vanessa from Nina’s parties. She rolled in the door with a smile and excitement hovering around her like a cloud and heels that didn’t make her any taller, and had the whole room laughing before her coat even came off. She even made Brooke laugh with her stories, and Brooke barely knew her. She’s the person who meets your eyes when you talk so you know she’s listening, and Brooke likes that about her.

She asked for the basics from Nina: Vanessa works in the library with her, has a dog and a cat (a point in her favor, Brooke admits), does a lot of the library’s crafts. Nina told her Vanessa is nice, that this will be fine, maybe even fun for her, but still—pretending to date someone she barely knows for a night?

But it’s a favor for Nina, and Nina would never ask her to do something dangerous. Nina, the first friend she made in college, who helped her feel safe and stayed up with her when she couldn’t sleep because she’d never been away from home before. Nina, who helped her quit smoking years ago, made her get the patches and gum and didn’t let her give up when she would have killed for a cigarette. Nina, who she still sees almost every week, trading work stories over pancakes and laughing so loud the whole diner can hear them.

She hasn’t agreed to anything except meeting Vanessa for coffee, but Brooke knows deep down she’ll probably end up going through with it. Nina said she doesn’t have to do it, that Vanessa will understand, but Brooke likes helping people and hates disappointing them. She doesn’t want to let Nina—and by extension, Vanessa—down.

It’s harmless, really. Just a work party. Nina will be there, she’ll eat, talk a little, and leave. She hasn’t been on a date in a few months, hasn’t had an excuse to break out her favorite heels or dress or feel special for a night. She’s been on dates with people she didn’t know, and how different is this, really? She may not know Vanessa well, but she just has to pretend she does for a few hours. And really, most married couples barely know each other anyway. Brooke’s never been one to turn down a challenge.

It’s just coffee, she reminds herself.

She hasn’t decided anything yet.

—-

Vanessa carries her coffee to the back of the cafe, trying not to spill it with her uneasy hands. Brooke agreed to meet her, but she doesn’t dare hope yet. She asked Nina for a basic fact sheet on Brooke, and she delivered. Brooke is a Pisces who loves her cats and works in the history museum as head of the dinosaur department. (All Vanessa knows about dinosaurs is that if some rich white guy brings them back to life, she’s staying far away. She’s seen Jurassic Park. She’s not an idiot). Nina met Brooke freshman year of college when they roomed together, and they meet for breakfast almost every week, because Brooke loves breakfast foods.

It’s just basic information, impersonal, really. But Vanessa can’t see any reason for getting too personal for a one-night thing. She just needs to make sure Brooke’s not secretly a murderer. She doesn’t need to know what cheers Brooke up when she’s upset, or what ice cream flavor she could eat a whole pint of, or what songs she listens to when she drives.

There’s a blonde woman at a table in the back, and Vanessa has to catch her breath, because Brooke is much prettier than she remembers. Vanessa always has a bit too much to drink at Nina’s parties, and Brooke was just a vague blonde shape in her mind. But now she sees the creaminess of her skin, the graceful limbs and focused green eyes, the full lips that make it hard for Vanessa to stop staring.

“Vanessa, right?” Brooke asks, and Vanessa recovers herself enough to nod.

Vanessa sits across from her and Brooke gives a small smile, one that shows the slight unevenness in her two front teeth and makes her even more adorable. She sips from what Vanessa can tell is black coffee, making a mental note in case it comes up during the dinner.

They stare at each other in silence, and despite being called a chatterbox her whole life, Vanessa can’t think of a single word.

“So, um, Nina filled me in,” Brooke prompts to rescue her, “And I’m just being your fake date for the night?”

Vanessa winces. “Fake wife, actually.”

“Wife?” Brooke’s eyes nearly pop out of her head. She rubs a hand across her face and exhales. “Okay. Okay. Cool. I mean, it’s fake either way, right?”

“Right.”

Vanessa takes a sip of coffee in the silence. “I didn’t plan to do this fake wife thing. It just kinda happened,” she says, wanting to explain. “A lot of men hit on me at work, and one thought the ring was real and stopped bothering me. But then my boss thought it was real too and I just went with it, and then I got stuck going to this party.”

Brooke nods, and her expression softens with recognition, eyes knowing that feeling all too well. “I’m sorry you have to deal with that. Happens a lot at the museum too.” She bites her lip and inspects the table before looking back up. “To be honest, Vanessa, you’re a friend of Nina’s and I’d do basically anything for her, so I’m probably gonna do it, but will there be anything enjoyable about this for me?”

“An evening with slightly-above-average food and boring people who think Friends is the best show ever?” Vanessa tries.

Brooke shakes her head.

Vanessa sighs. It was worth a shot. “Well, I’d definitely owe you one. If you need a favor or something–don’t get dirty now,” she adds, blushing furiously, “—but I’d do it.”

Brooke nods. “I don’t think I–wait.” Her eyes light up, lips stretched into a possibly evil smile. “It’s my mom’s birthday in a few weeks and I’m sick of my whole family asking me why I’m single and why I can’t ever bring someone to things.”

“And I’ll be that someone?” Vanessa guesses.

“Yes,” Brooke says. Then she blushes. “If that’s okay, I mean. Sorry.” It’s such a strange combination, the confidence mixed with shyness, and maybe Vanessa can do this with Brooke. She’s certainly a better option than moving to Mexico.

It’s a pretty fair trade, Vaness figures. Brooke being her fake wife and her being Brooke’s fake girlfriend, a few hours each way. If she’s going to make Brooke put up with her coworkers, she can handle Brooke’s family. Plus, it’s a birthday party, so there’ll be cake, and that’s never a bad thing. It’s not ideal, but eventually she’ll run out of excuses to give Paul, and having Brooke be her fake wife is the best option right now.

She stretches her hand across the table, her arm buzzing when it meets Brooke’s. “You got yourself a deal.”