#I'm certain he would fall over frequently

[adorabluesposts]

I’m a massively hopeless romantic and hopelessly in love with our short paranoid chaotic duck loving king and the THINGS I WOULD DO TO THIS MAN JUST BECAUSE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

Anyway thoughts about he’d react to constant affection because my love is physical affection and maybe sometimes giving him handmade gifts because nothing beats time wasted on handmade shit. I LOVE THIS MAN SM ITS TOO MUCH 😭😭😭

I WANNA CONSTANTLY SHOWER HIM WITH KISSES AND PRAISES PLS.

Basically requesting a fluff with all of the above 💀💀

I also love your writing style sm, hope you’re having a great day/night

buckle up cause this is gonna be SWEET!

Thanks for the appreciation on my writing, I'm still working on it 😭💖 love this sm. This is for the physical affection ppl 🫶🏻

a/n:.. added some acts of service love language too I'm so sorry 😭

NOT PROFFRED.

PROOFREA. PROOFREWD. I can't spell.

NOT PROOFREAD.

(I managed)

divider by @al-of-the-stars. NOT MINE!!

It's not a surprise Lucifer's a sucker for physical attention. Not in a sexual way, just hugs and holding hands in the most unusual times.

At first you started off with 'baby steps', occasionally giving him a kiss on his cheek or lips, holding his hand or playing with his suit when he didn't expect it, just to see how he'd react.

He would get flustered, turn into a blushing mess and pretty much feel like his knees would give oit at any minute. He would never admit what an impact you had on him, though.

When the showers of affection got more frequent and he realised what you were doing, every chance he'd get he would basically invite you to do those things for him. He loved tricking you into thinking he didn't know what your love language was and , even if he still got all flustered and was still surprised because he, obviously, didn't know what to expect (a kiss or a hug), he convinced himself he was just acting so flustered to trick you, again.

Of course Lucifer's love for you gets more and more powerful with every kiss.

His wife left him, after all, so he needs all the affection you can offer. He really loves you.

Even though you noticed he still wears his wedding ring sometimes, you know how hard it is to let go, and you showering him with affection actually helps him get through it!

"Good morning, handsome!" You shower his sleepy face with kisses as he slowly wakes up, watching his grumpy face turn into a weak, tired smile.

"Morning" He smiles and cuos your cheek as you pull away, pushing you back in for a kiss.

He notices you're all dressed already and raises an eyebrow, sitting up. "Where are you going?"

"Well, Your Majesty-" He smiles at you, loving how intimate it sounds when you call him that, "-It's Monday. Meaning I have work to get done."

He frowns and you laugh. "Bummer."

"I made you breakfast, so you might as well get changed." You ruffle his hair as he struggles to put it back in place, even if it was tangled already and playfully huffs at you, lecturing you on how his hair must always be perfect as you leave the room.

When he joins you in the kitchen, you gasp in awe, like every morning. You go up to him and praise him for being so good looking, pestering his face with kisses and telling him how you're falling in love over and over again.

He lovea it truly, holding your waist as you praise him. He looks at you with lovesick eyes and a goofy smile and only let's go when hinger takes the best of him. He praises you back, too, for being such a good cook (or not burning the kitchen down.. in certain people's cases aka me).

Before you leave, he makes sure to leave one of his ducks in your bag , knowing that by now you have millions if them in your office, as you leave one of your handmade gifts, drawings, or sweets in your shared room.

He almost never wants to let you go to work, turning the radio on to twirl you around in the kitchen and kiss your face or hands until it gets so late you either have to run to work or make him open up a portal for you.

It's not his fault he just loves the way you love him.

Ive never written something so fast in my entire life. THE THINGS LUCI DOES TO ME OMG.

[catliker49]

Lalalala!!!

AAAHHH I am going insane! I have been finding it So difficult to think of things to draw so I may not post as much!! I apologise!

The outfit in this was based off of an Animal Crossing outfit Clown had posted for Wally a little while ago! I messed around with it a Little bit, haha!

I am still working on a style I like also! So expect a lot of changes!

Oooh... I have been thinking of drawing Eddie and Frank together at some point though! I also would really like to make a mini.. storybook type panel.. thingy mabobby.. I'm sure someone understands what I mean!!

I might post some sketches of what I do!!

Thank you so so much for the continuing support!! It really does make me Happy seeing tags people put on their reblogs!! AAH! I am so so Happy!! Thank you thank you thank you!!

[raginglesbian2006]

Hi I'm new but I was wondering if you could do hc Alastor x wife!reader who is like Mortichia Addams. Like the long black dress(es) and red lips.

Honestly I see Alastor as an asexual version of Gomez Addams.

Hi! Thank you for sending in the request!! I've been wanting to write something similar to what you suggested lol

Darling, I always wear black

Alastor x wife!reader

Oh, how you had intrigued him the moment the two of you met.

Alastor was on his daily stroll, enjoying how the miserable souls of hell suffered around him as he glanced at the newly opened stores and boutiques.

One of which caught his eye. The decor was very grim but had a certain charm to it. Entering the store, Alastor found himself surrounded by flowers, roses mostly. His ears picked up the sound of a "snip snap" echoing throughout the quiet place.

That is when he saw you, dressed up in a long black gown that stuck to your body, enhancing your curves. You hummed a sweet tune as you cut off the heads of roses and decorated the lonely stems in a vase.

"I do believe that is a rather...unconventional way of arranging flowers." Your eyes shifted to find a rather tall demon- his red attire standing out in contrast to your dark little store.

"I suppose not..." you mused, "but it is just my way of doing things."

Alastor moved closer to you, his clawed hand taking yours gently- watching the lace around your long sleeve droop as he lifted your hand to his lips- kissing your knuckles as a sign of courtesy.

"My name is Alastor, my dear. It's a pleasure to meet you, I say, quite a pleasure!"

Since then, he started visiting your shop quite frequently, often staying back to have a chat after the busy day was over. You enjoyed his presence- he was quite unlike the men you usually had vying for your attention, be it in hell or when you were alive.

Slowly but surely, he had become completely besotted with you. He had always thought he'd fall for someone who wore bright colors and was as lively as he was but your demure and gothic charm had irreversibly enraptured him. Safe to say, his charm had had the same effect on you as well.

"It appears to me that I find myself quite delighted by your presence," you said to him as you sipped your tea, "Some could even say I am..smited? smote?"

"Smitten, I believe, my dear," his eyes half-lidded and smile wider than ever, "And I feel the same way."

It didn't take long for him to present you with a ring.

"Sure it's a tad bit sooner than expected, but why wait, my dear?"

And thus, the two of you became husband and wife. You didn't have a ceremony per se since neither of you enjoyed a large gathering. Both of you just exchanged rings and enjoyed each other's company that day.

After 7 long years of Alastor's absence, you found yourself in front of the Hazbin Hotel in search of answers. You knew a silly project like this would intrigue your husband, so it didn't hurt to look for him there. Besides, his return was made clear to you from the banter he had with Vox over the radio.

The door to the hotel opened to reveal the princess of hell, her eyes wide.

"Greet-" the door slammed shut and then opened again in a split second, "tings." The door shut again.

Your eyebrows scrunched delicately and you let out a puff of air from your red-painted lips in a show of frustration.

The door opened once more. "May I speak now?" you asked, raising one eyebrow as you looked down at the princess.

She stuttered a response which prompted you to introduce yourself to her and the reason for your visit.

"I must say, your idea intrigued me a little, so I decided to pop in for a visit." Hearing you say that, the princess or Charlie as you had gathered from hearing her sales pitch over the news, excitedly bounced on her feet as she led you into the hotel.

While she was introducing you to everyone there, your eyes found Husk, slumped over the bar.

"Greetings, Husker. I would say I'm surprised to see you here but I'm really not," you bluntly stated.

Husk gave out a grunt in reply. Charlie noticed your interaction, "Ooooh you two know each other?"

You let out a laugh, just the one, "We are acquainted, yes. You could say I know the owner of his soul....quite well."

Speaking of, the famed radio demon heard the commotion in the lobby of the hotel and decided to make his presence known by teleporting himself to his destination.

"Charlie, dear, why is there such a buzz-" he paused as his eyes met yours, "Cher..." he trailed off.

"Alastor," your voice was stern, "It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance...after 7 years, that is."

His smile twitched slightly at your glare. He walked up closer to you and lifted your hand, kissing it, "I missed you, mon cher."

Your eyes softened. His charm had a way of destabilizing your stance. You were supposed to be mad at him, damn it.

Charlie looked puzzled as she asked, "Alastor, do you know our visitor?"

Alastor chuckled as he drew you closer to him by the waist, "Of course I do, she is my wife!"

Everyone, except Husk, was dumbstruck by this new information.

It took a while for Alastor to be in your good graces again, but you couldn't help but give in to his advances. He was your husband after all. One that you loved oh so much.

You had decided to stay with him at the hotel, helping Charlie occasionally with her efforts to make the hotel seem...appealing. Good thing you knew a thing or two about interior designing, however dark or grim your preferences may be.

Niffty had immediately bounced up into your arms the moment she caught wind of your arrival.

"Oh darling, how are you, my sweet?" you asked her as she snuggled up close to you. "I must say, I missed you a whole lot more than my idiotic husband."

Vaggie sidled up close to her girlfriend, "Am I seeing what you're seeing?" Alastor had his head on your shoulder, eyes closed as you ran your fingers through his hair. Charlie's eyes watered, "I know! Aren't the two of them just the sweetest!"

Everyone at the hotel was shocked to see how affectionate the big bad radio demon could be and how much he simped for you. If anyone was looking for Alastor, it's safe to say that he would be found right beside you, one hand on your waist , kissing up your arm affectionately- all the while you reprimanded him for being too touchy albeit, not stopping his onslaught of kisses.

Angel Dust had once asked you, "So uhh... what's a hot gal like you doin' with Mr. tall dark and creepy here?"

Your reply was simple, "He makes me laugh."

The two of you often spent time having tea or rather coffee as per Alastor's preferences, playing the piano together and just relishing in each other's presence.

He had once foolishly suggested a revamp of your wardrobe, trying to squeeze in a few different colors. He was met by your terrifying glare.

"Darling, I always wear black."

You liked to slow dance with him, which he obliged with no hesitance.

You weren't much into swing, preferring a more classy waltz or baroque music but you enjoyed watching him lose himself to the music.

No matter how weird Al was, you loved him all the same.

A/N: Sorry for taking so long to reply to this! I got a bit carried away with this request but I do hope it is to your liking!

[sttm99]

PART 2 of Bakugo falling for a 'popular' girl

Bakugo likes to think he's fine with all the boys that are constantly vying for your attention. Mostly because he assumed their desperation would reduce now that you'd been seen more frequently around him.

It didn't. It only got worse, because now getting a date with you didn't seem like some far-fetched dream. It was attainable.

'If Bakugo could do it, why couldn't they?'

The blonde boy almost punched someone for saying that in the hallway.

And now he was becoming paranoid. You guys weren't dating. Sure, you'd gone on, like, three dates. And you let him sit next to you during lunch, and let him walk you to your classes. But there was no sort of exclusivity between you two. You could still go on other dates with other guys. You could still flirt.

He even assumed that was what you were doing now, as he sat in the cafeteria with Kirishima and the others, watching you intently as you conversed with some boy in your class. He was way too close to you, way too smiley, way too flirty.

"Dude, stare any harder and you're gonna burn holes in the back of his head." Kirishima said, pushing at Bakugo's shoulders.

"Yeah dude," Kaminari joined in. "She's not talking to anyone else. Calm down a bit."

He scoffed, rolling his eyes and still watching. You leaned closer to the boy, your hands coming forward to touch the boy's hair. And it was too affectionate, you were smiling too much, your body language too soft.

And before he knew it, Bakugo was harshly pushing his seat back and stalking out of the cafeteria despite his friends' calls.

"Seriously?" You scoffed as you looked down at him sitting on the stairs, your arms folded over your chest. "Kaminari said you stormed out cause I was flirting with someone else."

Bakugo rolled his eyes, his arms tensing as he made a mental note to kill Kaminari later. "He's an idiot. Don't believe shit he says."

You rolled your eyes. "So why did you walk out like that? There were practically sparks flying out your hands."

"What? Keeping tabs on me now? I can't just leave a place when I want to?" It came out harsher than he intended. And he was immediately looking up at you and stuttering, backtracking, trying to rectify it.

"You're being insecure and jealous," you spat out at him before he could take back his words. "Don't take it out on me. We're not gonna do that, you hear me?"

He sighed out, frowning. "Yeah... I'm sorry." He mumbled, his head hung.

"And besides," you took a seat next to him, your thighs even touching. "I'm not interested in him."

"So why were you touching him like that?"

"I touch you like that, don't I?" You chuckled.

Bakugo whipped his head around, eyes locked on you. "Are you trying to say you're not interested in me?"

His shock and frustration made you laugh, leaning forward and holding your sides. "I'm joking. I'm joking, Bakugo."

He hummed, allowing a calm silence fall over you two.

"So..." He mumbled. "You're gonna keep- you're gonna continue flirting with other boys like that? Playing around?"

You shrugged. "I'm not taken, am I?"

"But-" He let out a sharp breath. "I just- I don't want you to... I want us to be-"

"To be exclusive?" You completed, looking at him. "You want us to be together? To date."

He nodded after a while, slowly, tentatively. "Yeah."

You paused, still looking at him. "I think we should get to know each other a bit more, as friends."

His face fell, and you quickly took note of that.

"I don't mean I'm friendzoning you, Bakugo." You chuckled. "I just mean that we should attain a certain level of friendship before dating. I'm obviously not interested in being just friends with you."

He hummed and nodded, his cheeks turning a faint pink. And then he began shifting a bit closer, turning his upper body so he was facing you a bit more.

"What about being exclusive? I don't want others thinking they have a chance." He said firmly.

And you smiled. "Nobody else has a chance with me. Just you."

"So this means you're mine?" He asked, his voice several octaves lower, head leaning into yours and eyes focused on your lips.

"Yeah. 'M all yours," you mumbled right before he kissed you.

[downbadf0rficppl]

you're on your own kid

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You had a rough childhood, what with an absent father and a piece of shit mother. When a family dinner goes wrong, how do you stop your brain from spiraling? How do you convince yourself you're not alone? A certain blue-eyed, metal-armed avenger, of course.

Word Count: 3.3K

Warnings: Eating Disorders/Weight Related Talk, Blood, Injury, Kinda Self Harm, Child Abuse [PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THESE TOPICS MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE!!!]

You squirmed in your seat, fidgeting with your sleeves. It was awkward being at home after so long. You hadn't been home for four years almost - and it had probably been even longer since you'd sat at this table. Your mother sat across the table from you - her gaze heavy on your head. Heavy is the head that wears the crown, your brother had joked.

He was sitting next to you, his knee gently brushing against yours. A placating movement. He was trying to keep the peace - enjoying the first meal that you had had as a family in a long while. You don't know what it was that made you seek them out. Maybe if you had waited a week, you would have thought about the facts, rather than the feelings. Maybe if you had waited a week, you wouldn't be sitting here with the weight of the world on your shoulders.

You sat in silence, playing with the food on your plate. Your mother was of the almond variety, weighing out plates before passing them around the table. You didn't have much to talk about. Things hadn't ended well the last time the two of you spoke.

Your brother chimed in with the odd question - 'How's your gardening coming along, mom?' or 'How's the new job, sis? What's it like working for the Avengers?'. You'd humour him until your mother's disapproving stares became too much and then you'd shut up. He'd give you a sad sort of pitying smile, before returning to his food.

Dinner was long - even it was less than the traditional three courses. Your brother packed up some extra food, and took it home - he only lived about a half mile away so it made sense for him to go home. You made to go with him but your mother insisted you stay with her. "I made up your room, just the way you like it."

You doubted it. But you smiled anyway and hugged your brother tightly. He whispered that 'you would be fine' and 'it's only one night' and maybe for a second you believed him. As soon as he left, you headed to bed, claiming that 'The trip was long, ma, I'm super tired.'

The look on her face screamed that she didn't believe you. But she waved you good night and headed to the kitchen to find her favourite bottle of scotch.

You opened the door to your childhood bedroom to find it almost the same. The pink walls and bedcovers were suffocating, the blinds drawn shut to create this overwhelming feeling of being trapped. You were. Trapped.

You took your jumper off, laid it over your vanity chair, and jumped onto the bed. It was comfortable, but lying there staring at the ceiling brought back all the horrible memories you tried to suppress. Diet pills and weighing scales, small plates and vomiting, screaming and crying, sirens and hospital bills. Tears streamed down your face as curled up onto your side.

It was almost midnight when you heard your mother walk up the stairs. You knew she was drunk - her steps were loud and out of sync, and the bottle in her hand frequently tapped the banister as she tried to stabilise herself on it. You half expected her to keep walking, cross the landing, and fall dead asleep on her bed.

Instead, your door creaked open and you came face to face with her. Her glassy eyes were rimmed with red - she'd been crying too. Her eyes raked over you and suddenly you wished you'd never come back at all.

"Such a shame," she whispered, "You could have been so much more."

"Ma?"

"You were always... the best. The prettiest. The skinniest. You could have been incredible. Instead, you are... nobody."

Her words cut deep but you tried to ignore them. You were somebody. You worked for the Avengers, you were a top-level agent for SHIELD. You helped save the world.

"I tried my best. To help you. But you were ungrateful," Your mother stalked closer, her sadness giving way to anger, "conceited, convinced that you could be anything more than what I made you. But you were wrong. I created you. Without me, THERE IS NO YOU." She launched the bottle at your head and it shattered at the wall behind you.

She kept screaming, but you tuned her out, slipping off the bed and grabbing your jumper and keys. You ran past her, shoving her hard as she tried to grab you and ran out to your car. She watched you go screaming abuse after you, telling you to 'never step foot inside her house again.' You weren't planning to.

You drove like a madman back to upstate - traffic was pretty light considering the ungodly hour. You parked haphazardly - Tony would probably murder you for it in the morning but you couldn't find it within yourself to care. You trudged upstairs, footfalls far too heavy for someone is literally a superspy, but this was your home. You weren't running from anyone in here.

You were so stuck in your own head that you didn't realise that Bucky was sitting in the living room, watching as you walked into the kitchen. He'd heard your footsteps and he was worried. You never walked that heavily.

"Everything ok, doll?"

You looked up at him, not registering a word he said. He stood up and walked over to you, fingers reaching up to stroke your face.

"You good?" He whispered, his forehead almost touching yours.

You pulled away from his touch, even though your body was screaming for you to collapse into his open arms. "Yeah, Buck, fine. See you in the morning for training." You stepped past him, heading for the stairs.

"Yeah, doll. See you in the morning."

The morning came around far quicker than you'd hoped. You had barely slept, tossing and turning all night, your mother's words ringing through your head.

Eventually, you realised it was a futile effort. You might as well get up and be productive. You found yourself in the gym just as the sun came up, face to face with a heavy bag. You clenched your wrapped fists before shaking the sleep out of your system.

Your hits were precise, measured, calculated. If there was one thing no one could fault you for, it was your skills. You were an impeccable agent. If only your mum could see that. You took your rage out on the heavy bag, pouring every ounce of resent in your body into your punches. Sweat beaded on your forehead, the exertion making your breaths heavier and your knuckles sting. You kept punching, time slipping away from you.

You heard the door to the gym open, and someone was talking. Their voice was muted, almost as if your head was underwater. Between the punches and your tiredness, nothing registered in your foggy mind. From the distance you could hear footsteps, getting louder almost as if they were walking towards you.

You nearly jumped out of your skin when a hand brushed against your shoulder. You spun around ready to cuss out whichever stupid rookie decided to bother you so early in the morning. You were surprised to see familiar eyes boring into yours.

"I called your name, you know," Bucky said, his hands moving to rest on your waist, "twice. I even dropped my bag next to yours to get your attention."

"Sorry, I was thinking."

"I can tell," Bucky's thumbs drew circles on your waist, absentmindedly, "Where's that pretty mind been at lately?"

"What do you want, Barnes?"

"I'm worried. About you. You haven't been yourself lately. What's going on?"

"Nothing." You sighed, removing yourself from his grasp, "Missions, reports, meetings. It's tiring."

"Maybe you take a holiday? Try and relax a bit?" You could hear the genuine concern in his voice but you still rolled your eyes.

"Maybe you mind your own fucking business, Barnes? Don't you have other shit to be doing apart from hovering over me?" You grabbed your stuff, refusing to make eye contact with him, and walked out.

"I'm still seeing you for training right?" You hear him call after you, but you keep walking. You let out a shaky breath as soon as you got into the elevator.

He didn't see you for training. Or after.

You'd skipped training in favour of going on a run with Steve and then you had to file a few mission reports. You'd holed yourself up in your office, manila files piling up on the corner of your desk your fingers brushing over the keys with seasoned speed. Bucky had wanted to stop by but given your odd behaviour in the morning, he'd decided against it.

You were glad. You hated that Bucky could see right through you, even when you tried your best to hide it. Especially because you were irrevocably in love with him.

You'd been in love with him ever since you'd started working at the compound. Bucky was one of the few people to notice you and your efficiency. You became one of his preferred mission partners, a fact of which you were very proud. You quickly became one of his favourite people, period, and Bucky even went so far as to blow off Steve to spend time with you.

It hurt you to keep him at arm's length but you knew it was for the best. You remembered what your father told you the night before he left. You're on your own kid. You always have been.

You were given a mission assignment in the evening, with strict instructions of 'wheels up at 0600.' The early pickup time wasn't strange and you were itching to get out of the compound. You packed your bag up, leaving it by the door, and headed to bed.

Another restless night of sleep was the last thing you needed, but you were up and at the hangar waiting for Captain Rogers by 0600. He smiled when he saw you and handed you a coffee. You smiled. Your first real smile since you visited your parents.

"Good luck out there." A voice calls from behind you. You freeze. Bucky jogs towards you both, his eyes betraying his tiredness. Steve's face breaks into a grin at the sight of his old friend. Steve throws his arms around Bucky.

"Don't do anything stupid until I get back," Steve says, his joking tone making Bucky laugh.

"How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you."

You want to smile at the sight of the two of them together but you held yourself back. You walked towards the quinjet, ready to get this show on the road when you hear Bucky clearing his voice behind you.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Onto the quinjet?"

"Not without a hug, you're not." You sigh but trudge down the steps to give him a half-arsed side hug. He pulls you in tight, and whispers into your hair, "When you get back, we're gonna talk. Okay?"

You don't respond, brushing him off and climbing into the jet. Steve follows you in, dropping his bag next to yours, before turning back to wave at Bucky.

"Don't worry, Buck, I'll take good care of your girl."

His girl. That sounded nice. You shook the thought away before elbowing Steve in the sight. Jokingly of course, but he still doubled over for effect. Bucky burst into laughter.

That was the last thing you saw as the door went up.

The mission was hard. Not terrible - no one died, which was a win in your book - but it wasn't fun. Multiple shootouts, car chases, and three hours of hiding in a dumpster later, you were ready to nap for a week. But, alas, Fury had set a debrief at 8 the next morning, which meant that you had - you checked the clock on your microwave - 6 hours at best.

You dropped your bag on the sofa and headed into the bathroom. You unzipped your utility vest, dropping it on the floor. You needed to disinfect it - god knows what had stained that vest. You pulled up your compression shirt, wincing as the flecks of red came into view. You quickly stripped it off, dropping it in the washing basket, before whipping back around. You caught your own reflection in the mirror and tilted your head, taking in your reflection of your body. Your mother's words played back in your head. Maybe your mother had a point.

You quickly shook your head, dispelling those horrible thoughts from your mind. But still, you continued to stare at your body, scrutinising every feature. I mean, sure you weren't as skinny as you used to be, but that's because you had muscle now, right? And the hamburger you had for lunch was a treat - you know for completing the mission? The super important mission that you were on because you are important and you are somebody and you have value and you are someone without your mum. Don't you? And it's ok that you can't see your ribs because actually you have abs now and that's way more attractive. Right? And.. and... and....

SMASH.

Broken glass was shattered all around you, fragments piercing your skin. Your mirror now had a fist-shaped hole in the middle, from where your sadness had quickly bled into anger.

You cradled your bloodied fist in your hand, sinking to the ground as sobs racked through your body. Glass dug into your knees as they hit the floor and you curled your hands into your chest. Hurtful 'what ifs' swirled through your head, stealing your breath and making it almost impossible to breathe.

Pounding on your door broke you out of your thoughts. You tried to regain your bearings. It was 2 am. You were in your apartment, the apartment that was miles away from the compound, that you lived in alone. Who the hell would be at your door right now?

You were silent, breath bated as you waited for the stranger to go away. They banged on the door again.

"Doll, I swear to god, if you don't let me in, I'm going to break your fucking door down."

You knew that voice anywhere. The knowledge that you weren't alone, that he was here for you, that Bucky wouldn't make you suffer alone brought new tears to your eyes. Fresh sobs burst from your chest as you tried to move. Glass shards were stabbing into your legs, and one of your hands was bleeding profusely. Bucky, your safety net, was so close and yet so far.

"Doll? Doll, I can hear you. Doll, please, please let me in." You could hear the panic in his voice as he struggled with his conscience. You tried to move but the pain was excruciating. A pained scream erupted from your lips.

A loud bang came from your front door, followed by heavy and fast footsteps.

"Where are you, doll? Come on, just come and talk to me." He said, sweeping through your living room. You whimpered from the bathroom, his enhanced hearing focussing on even the smallest of sounds.

He quickly found his way into the bathroom, his eyes raking over your hunched figure, before flitting to the broken mirror and the shards of glass on the ground.

"Oh doll," he whispered, bending down to scoop you up from the floor. He cradled you gently as he carried you from the bathroom into your bedroom. "What happened, doll? Talk to me."

You looked up at him, trying to figure out where to start. You blanked. You couldn't find a good place to start the story that would cause you the least pain. Your mouth opened and closed a few times with no sound coming out. Bucky rested his hand against yours, trying to reassure you to take your time, but the sound of your wince drew his attention to your hands.

"Doll, your hands." He grabbed your hands gently, peering at your knuckles. They were mauled, glass sticking out of torn-up skin, "What did you do?" He stood up, walking into your kitchen to grab the first aid kit he knew was under the sink. Watching him walk around like he owned the place made some small part of your heart happy - it was almost as if your dreams, your darkest-held fantasies, were coming true.

Bucky kneeled in front of you, placing the first aid kit beside him. He brushed all the glass shards off your legs - luckily none of them had been embedded into your skin. He cleaned any small scratches before turning to your knuckles. The sight of your knuckles made him wince and you started to pull them away. Bucky leveled you with a look that said, let me take care of you. You let him. He sterilised a pair of tweezers and got to work pulling the shards of glass out of your knuckles. You sat in silence for a while, Bucky diligently working on your knuckles, and you watching the swiftness with which he worked.

"Why did you punch the mirror, doll?" Bucky asked after a while.

"I was angry," you whispered, your voice deathly quiet. Now that the rage was gone, all you had left was embarrassment.

"And why were you angry?" Bucky coaxed, his eyes pleading for some answers. He pulled out the last shard of glass before swiping an alcohol wipe over your knuckles and bandaging them up. He packed up all the items back into the first aid box and went to put it away and wash his hands.

You were still sat on the bed contemplating your answer when he got back. He knelt in front of you again, before he rested his hands on your face, "Why were you angry doll?"

"I didn't like it." You whispered, pulling your body away from him.

"What didn't you like?" Bucky's eyes stared into yours and you suddenly felt extremely self-conscious. You tried to remove yourself from his all-seeing, mind-reading gaze, but he didn't let you. He pulled you into his lap, and you hid your face in his neck. His beard tickled your forehead as you nestled into him, trying to seek out the comfort you so desperately needed but didn't know how to ask for.

"Me." You said, your head turned away from him as you stared at your hands.

"What?"

"I didn't like me." Your voice started to shake as you tried to find the right words to tell him the truth, the whole honest godforsaken truth, but you couldn't.

Bucky seemed to read your mind, "It's ok, take your time. We don't have to talk about this today. We can come back to it later, when you're feeling up for it, okay?" You nodded, burrowing further into him, "You wanna sleep?"

You nodded again, and Bucky shifted, wrapping his arms around you so he could gently place you down on the bed. He removed his arms from underneath you and tucked you into bed, gently kissing your forehead as you turned to leave. You whined.

"Pleasedon'tgoBuck-" You mumbled, sleep quickly pulling you under. He smiled, perching himself on the end of the bed.

"You sure you want me to say, sweetheart? Not sure you'll ever get rid of me if I stay?"

"I promise. Never want you to go." You said, clinging to his arm and pulling him back into bed.

You slipped into an easy slumber as Bucky shuffled around in your room. Maybe you didn't have to be on your own anymore.

fin.

buy me a coffee

[akiswife1237]

AMORALITY

When the king of curses stuns himself by falling for someone who represents everything he's not.

This will be a series! I'll try to update frequently but again, tag if you want to join the ride!

tw: smut, violence, mentions of violence, angst,

true form sukuna, this also takes place in the lovely heian era

This story will kind of go backwards LOL, it starts with Sukuna being a confused simp and then it delves more into the angst hehehe

Again, I'm not religious at all so heavily religious ppl i mean no harm or disrespect! there's no specific religion mentioned as well

The sky was adorned with an intense blue, the clouds scattered all across as they hover over the blossoming flowers that have grown beautifully over time. The warm wind blew gently over the grass and you smiled peacefully as you tended to the community garden in front of the church.

Your, church.

Due to the good deeds you had done for your village and decently populated community, the people decided to appoint you as their priest. Someone who would spread the word of their god, someone who would provide wisdom and comfort, and someone who was pure.

You thought the task too heavy at first, but afraid to let down the people who relied on you, you gave in.

Things got easier over time, and you performed just as everyone expected of you; you gave them everything they needed and more. It was the least you could do for the people who adored you so dearly. 

As you continued to tend to your garden, you halted in tilting your watering can when you felt a strong aura behind you, it was so heavy that you could feel it all throughout your body, the hairs on the back of your neck standing up as you froze in place.

As you fought against this unknown feeling, you forced your self to turn around, your eyes widening when you saw an absolute beast of a man standing in front of you.

He was as tall as ever, definitely taller than 6 feet, thats for certain. His well-kept and muscular body was nearly covered in what seemed to be tattoos? You couldn't tell. But what caught your eye the most was the two pairs of arms that he had, one pair was seemingly ready to strike you as the other hands on his lower arms rested against his hips. He did little to cover himself, and you didn't fail to notice the presence of a mouth near his abdomen as well.

Craning your head upward, you were met with crimson-red eyes—no, multiple crimson-red eyes staring down at you—and the pink-haired man's face wore a slight scowl.

Despite looking like a beast and a half, you couldn't deny that, despite his unique qualities perplexing you, he was indeed handsome. 

Sukuna had been busy traveling from his fruitless missions and was as irritated as ever. Though the reward had been heavy in gold and luxuries, the requests he took on were pretty much useless and resulted in him just burning the shameless town to the ground.

He needed something else to satisfy him, and fast.

As he headed north, deep in thought, he suddenly paused, a wicked grin painting his face when he remembered just what was in the town he'd be passing through.

A church.

He had heard from passerbys that the priestess's there were absolutely divine, hopeful, and represented purity itself.

He couldn't wait to ruin them. Perhaps he'd kidnap one after the mass slaughter, if he felt generous enough.

He had nearly made it to the entrance before pausing when he saw someone outside, his wicked grin only growing wider.

Perfect, his first victim.

As he drew closer, he suddenly paused when the priestess tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. He now had a full view of her face, which made him freeze once he got a good look at it. 

He felt a sudden rush in his chest, his heartbeat quickening the longer he stared. The rush he felt wasn't the normal one he had; it wasn't one of adrenaline, but one of... surprise? 

He was stunned, to say the least.

He tried to ignore this feeling and drew closer to the priestess, he had his own mission after all, but he couldn't deny the foreign feeling sitting heavy in his chest.

He was now behind you and just as he was about to strike, the priest' instincts suddenly kicked in and she turned around to meet his gaze.

He scowled when he realized he couldn't come as quietly as he hoped, oh well, he was never good at being subtle anyways.

The moment your eyes met, though, he couldn't move, he felt his world slowing down and he gulped as he stayed in place, the scowl still on his face.

Your innocent eyes batted up at him with confusion and your lips parted so perfectly that it was enough to turn his brain into mush. It didn't help that the sunlight highlighted all of your beauty perfectly.

You were unlike anything he's ever seen before, absolutely breathtaking...

...What was he here to do again?

an: that's chapter one! stay tuned for chapter two hehehe, again comment to be part of the tag if you want to be updated !!

tags: @getossluttt @busyreader17 @scarasluvvr @unknown5029 @koshii-meji @genderfluidnuggettt @sterzin

[q1ngqve]

pughiuhkhhhiuxh the hormones have finally caught up with me and i need to share my brainrot-

imagining working in one of those clubs with people wearing bunny suits. your role is a simple waitress, delivering the patrons their drinks and snacks, maybe flirting with them to get some extra tips. one day, as you deliver a tray of drinks, you lock eyes with Gallagher. you blush, but give him your best smile, blowing the man a kiss before quickly scurrying away. however, throughout the night you quickly realize you've been delivering orders to the same table where Gallagher was seated at. and each time, he'd bring you a little closer. it started with a small tug, hand on your hip as you made conversation- before you've realized it, you're sat in his lap, feeding him chips and nuzzling into his chest. you've never gotten this much attention from a patron before, and though the girls have told you to be super careful about customers, you feel safe around Gallagher.

with Gallagher, he really didn't want to be here at first. when his pals dragged him to the club, he was fully expecting to just get hammered and eat a lot of greasy food... until you showed up, placing down a cocktail one of his friends had ordered. he was fully awake this time, and when you gave him such a sweet smile, well he'd be damned if he just let you go. so he orders a few more drinks, specifically asking for you. he stops to make small talk, and he notices how shy you seem to be. was this your first time in a one-on-one conversation with a patron? he can't help but get a bit riled up at the thought. soon, he had you sitting in his lap, feeding him chips and wiping off any remains of alcohol from his face. aeons, he finally saw the appeal of his club.

one by one, his buddies leave, and now it's just the two of you. "finally..." Gallagher grabs your chin, staring into your eyes. "i thought they'd never leave. now, i have you all to myself, little bunny..." his lips crash into yours, giving you a taste of all the drinks you've served him in the past hour. you close your eyes as Gallagher runs his hands all over you, cupping and squeezing certain parts. you feel lightheaded- was it from the alcohol or the attention? either way, Gallagher claps handcuffs on your wrists and holds you in his arms. "i'm bringing you home with me- how much would it cost?" you meekly tell him that since you're just a waitress, you aren't worth much. he grins. "that just means i'll be having you all to myself, then."

you spend your work night in gallagher's hands, your uniform and shoes on the floor as Gallagher takes, and takes. his mouth never leaves you as his hips roughly thrust against yours, filling his bedroom with the most obscene sounds. oh aeons, you didn't think the night would escalate to such a degree... yet here you are, tearfully riding Gallagher cock, moaning out his name in broken syllables as you feel his cum dripping out from your hole. later on, when the two of you have cleaned up, gallagher insists you spend the night as there was no way he was going to make you go out while wearing that bunny uniform. Gallagher traps you in his arms, and you fall asleep...

(later on, Gallagher would become such a frequent customer that there would be a private booth just for the two of you to fool around in- how thoughtful!)

-🍄

PLEASE I AM ON MY KNEES

[morganitering]

Because I'm the Weakest II: The Women Who Never Won

Pairings/character dynamics: Satosugu, Shoko and reader, Nanami and reader, implied shoko x utahime

Contains and warnings: DARK FIC/DEAD DOVE fem!reader, Suicidal ideation, rape aftermath, referenced rape (not written out in this chap), depression, alcohol abuse, misogyny & sexism, internalized sexism, sexual harassment on minors done by minors, victim blaming (thoughts), self harm, angst, hurt & comfort, I call noncon with the official word for it

Word count: ~9,6k

Summary: There's certain desperation when you try to keep your head above water. You were drowning and all you wanted to do was to forget, the weight on your shoulders unbearable. Despite the cards you were dealt with you found yourself among allies as the web of untold memories started to unfold.

A/N: Hey! Yall waited long for this, sorry about that. I have no idea how to tag this but I'll just do it somehow, bc this is a tricky chapter. Here yall get to dive deeper in the stuff that has gone down before the events that took place in 1st chap and get a hug from Shoko. This is hopefully the last installment of this. Read the tags carefully as always and make informed decisions based on that and take care of yourself. Shit can get heavy, but I'm trying to do this in good taste.

Read on ao3 part I

Shoko Ieiri had worked a long time with people who suffered. She had seen it all, limbs cut off, even the toughest of sorcerers reduced to crying messes as they practically had their innards falling to the floor. There’s something utterly horrifying watching a patient, no – a friend scream in pain when even her skills were not enough. Funerals came and went, the white sheet thrown over the deceased on the operation table in the same routine way she’d change her linens. Nothing really shocked her. 

That’s what she liked to think. 

Your visits have been more frequent. It started with bruises and sprained ankles. Then it was broken bones that soon turned to puncture wounds, your clothes sticky with deep red and dirt. When she asked about it, you laughed it off saying it’s nothing, just a silly little mishap, “I was too reckless in the heat of the moment.”  But your eyes were empty, your words hollow like a dead tree. Of course Shoko did her job, without asking too much. You’re an adult and you’ll speak about it if you want to, right? Her job was to keep you alive. Your job was to exorcise curses. 

Shoko and you had been close too, hanging out with the two men, but at some point in high school she had withdrawn from the group. Gojo and Geto had tried to keep in touch with her in adulthood, inviting her as well to spend time together as the four of them, but she had always declined, smoothly changing their relationship to acquaintances at best. She heard enough of the despicable men from you. The only times she was in direct contact with Gojo and Geto was work related and god how she hoped that it would stay that way. She’ll play that pretend game almost happily. 

Shoko closed the office door the day turning to evening, sundown coloring the city in hues of orange and yellow. She held onto her little black purse, thankfully it was friday. A man stood on the long corridor, standing upright as if he did not belong here. He looked indifferent, almost bored.

“Nanami.” 

“Ieiri.” 

They greeted each other with a curt nod. 

“So what brings you here? You seem healthy enough,�� Shoko asked as they walked to the open parking lot, only a few cars in sight. The warm summer sun caressed her cheeks, wind making her long hair flow in waves.

“I think she’s going through something,” Nanami stated as a matter of fact talking about you. He and you had gone on missions together, but something about you wasn’t right. He had seen the way you clutch your weapon, throw yourself at the enemy recklessly almost as if you had a death wish. It’s like you waited for your end. 

“No shit.” Shoko chuckled amused. It was as clear as a day if you just had eyes on yourself. “Why do you care?” 

“I’ve seen enough people spiral to know where it leads. You’re a healer, can’t you help?” His voice was thoughtful, not betraying a hint of emotions. 

“I can’t help a person who doesn’t want it,” Shoko said. “But I’ll try to figure something out.” 

“And that is enough. Thank you.” 

***

You hated meetings and rarely took part in them if you could avoid them. You had not met Gojo or Geto after the unfortunate night. If there were some work related things where there was a possibility to meet either of the men, you requested to be part of them remotely or that someone would just forward the key points. But after doing this for a few months Yaga had sent you a passive-aggressive email writing that it is absolutely mandatory for you to show yourself at least once in a while. You didn’t bother to answer him with anything other than a polite see you there.

Honestly you were tired. Your whole body ached in overexertion. Sleep escaped from you, ran a marathon around the block never stopping at your house, and every time you seemed to catch a break, hazy images you rather forbid being real filled your vision. Your eyebags told a story of exhaustion, your body shrinking in every possible way away. You went to see a doctor, not Shoko, just some normal practitioner from the private sector that you ended up paying yourself sick for. 

The doctor gave you pills to help you with sleep. He asked you if you were stressed or going through some sorts of crisis. You answered with a diligent no and explained that you’ve always had issues with sleep, but you were otherwise okay. He looked at you, raising his eyebrow in suspicion, the glasses on his head hung on his nose by a thread. He decided to believe you as he wrote the prescription, but insisted you took home pamphlets about depression and crisis hotlines. 

You tried the pills. You did fall asleep, but only after a panic attack wrecked through your body as the effect of the medication forced you into a deep slumber. The pills made you feel your pulse in your whole body. “It’s a quite strong product, previously used to treat psychosis, but nowadays it’s for patients with severe insomnia. Take it one hour before sleep. The effect might be really sudden.”  

When you woke up you decided to throw them away. It’s better to not to sleep if it meant that you’d go free from the horrors of the night you had experienced. 

The huge meeting table sprawled out horizontally and was able to sit around fifteen people in it. It had several small electric outlets for computers and tablets. Light poured in from the big windows, the blinds only halfway done. You stared at the weird scribbling on the white board that Principal Yaga was wiping furiously, muttering things about how students shouldn’t be let in this room under any circumstance since they can’t differentiate which markers are okay to use on it. 

You exchanged pleasantries with him. The room was devoid of people since you were too early. You swung your leather bag on the back of the upholstered office chair and sat yourself down.

Shoko walked in and her face lit up a little bit when she saw you sitting there. It was subtle, you thought that you were maybe the only one who could differentiate that expression from her. She sat next to you, a faint hint of neroli wrapping you to its calming aroma. 

Next came Meimei and then Utahime who came running to you two giving a happy hug to Shoko. They were so cute together, you thought to yourself as you fidgeted with your slightly too big shoes, constantly removing them and pushing them back to your feet. People don’t usually like small talk, but nonetheless the group chatted with each other. They had to, because it’s polite and you were coworkers. You thought that small talk was easy. The script of it was burnt to your brains for the rest of your life. You get to keep people at an arm's length and keep up appearances, so what’s there not to like? 

A familiar blonde man stood in the doorway. You checked your phone for the time. Only five minutes before the official start. Yuki also appeared after Nanami.  

“Hello,” he said and nodded at you as he sat himself next to you. Your whole body stiffened around him. It was hard to look him in the eyes and even harder to work missions with.

It was ten minutes past the official time when the meeting was supposed to start. 

“Sorry we are late.” Two men marched in the room with confident strides and took their place in front of you facing you, that was sitting in between Nanami and Shoko, Utahime next to the doctor. Suguru sat down next to Yuki leaving a space for Satoru who had Meimei next to him. 

Hearing Suguru’s voice made your skin crawl. 

“It’s fine,” Yaga said and looked over his shoulder to look at the white screen he had pulled down earlier with only a blue screen reflecting on the fabric. “I can’t seem to get this work anyway,” he mumbled. 

“Do you need help?” Suguru walked over to the man struggling over his laptop. “Have you checked the HDMI-cable?” 

“Of course I have, I just don’t understand why it won't work. We have Ijichi remote today,” he muttered partially to himself.  

“Let me.” 

You sat fidgeting on your chair focusing on everything else than the two men and their presence that suffocated you. If you were a candle they’d be snuffing you out but not properly, no, that would be too kind. They’d always let enough air in so that you’d never be completely put out. 

“Hello to you girls.. and Nanami,” Satoru flashed a playful grin at the four of you. Your head jerked involuntarily to look at the man. Thank god he has a habit of covering his eyes, but somehow that made him even worse. 

“Hello. How are you?” Nanami nodded politely. 

“I’m well. Hopefully the work isn’t stressing you out too much.” Satoru’s smile widened. 

“Speaking of work, I’ve heard that you and her have started doing missions together,” Satoru nudged his head towards you as he spoke directly to Nanami. “I actually green lighted the idea of sorcerers working more together. It’s good to practice teamwork and I put in good words for the two of you, since you compliment each other with the techniques you have. ” Satoru moved his head to look your way as he drew out his words in a way that you’d be sure to catch the dual meaning.

The wall flashed a few times showing the computer screen and it’s default wallpaper for only a moment and after that went back to blue. 

“An idea that I actually can get behind,” Nanami said agreeably. 

Your eye twitched. 

“Really? That was your doing?” You barely hid the anger of your voice. One more push and you’d pour your life savings on an amoral hitman, not that you’d believe that anyone could finish him off. It was a thought just for you so you could at least think about being mean in your own petty way. 

“Not a fan of working in groups of two? How about in groups of three?” 

“You fucking piece of-” 

“Okay I think it’s working now,” Yaga put his hands together straightening himself properly. Suguru walked over to Satoru, slightly shaking his head before he sat down. You heard Utahime’s quiet “okayy..” whispered in the awkward silence. 

“Unfortunately principal Gakuganji wasn’t able to make it today, he’s sick or something.”

You heard Gojo scoff audibly. 

“Try to respect him.” Yaga shot a glare in the young teacher’s way. 

“Ijichi and Nitta have gathered data about the hotspots of cursed activity,” he continued and opened up the window to teams only to be greeted by a tired looking black haired man in a suit. The background behind him was red, it looked like some type of wallpaper and small paintings covered the walls. You reckoned it was a hotel room. Or a motel, you really could not tell. 

“Ijichi, do you hear me? Would you like to take over?” Yaga’s voice boomed louder as if he wasn’t already near his computer. 

The grainy picture of the tired man smiling uncomfortably stayed still a little too long to be taken as a real time reaction to Yaga’s question. 

“I hear you. Sorry, the connection here is a bit bad.” Ijichi’s voice echoed in the office room. The picture of a slideshow appeared on the wall, making Ijichi’s face smaller. 

The map of Tokyo loomed on the wall as everyone stared at it intensely, more or less dozing off. Some parts of it had big red circles on them and Ijichi explained the way these places were having exceptionally heavy activity. He reckoned that partially the rise in activity tied to the sorcerers working more missions together leaving less people available. Ijichi also showed statistics comparing the effectiveness of sorcerers based in Tokyo and Kyoto. 

You were about to lose your mind, your body still pumping adrenaline after the conversation with Gojo. Everyone else seemed to be bored, oblivious to your struggle. Satoru had yawned at least three times in the last ten minutes, Shoko and Utahime were both interested in their nails. Even Suguru looked tired and he was pretty good at hiding his thoughts. The only ones who did not look outwardly dead inside were Yaga and Nanami. 

“Thank you Ijichi for your hard work,” Yaga said and Ijichi nodded smiling. The pop up of the slideshow vanished from the screen leaving Ijichi’s face in a huge resolution looming onto the wall. 

“We are going to take in account the effects of pairing up sorcerers. I’m not entirely in charge of how long this trial will take,” Yaga said. “Ieiri has this trial affected the health care aspect in any way?” 

Shoko cleared her throat tapping open the ipad in front of her, her nails making a satisfying click click sound. 

“The injuries have lessened,” she started. That’s good, you thought. “But the severity has increased,” she said with a serious face.

“Why is that?” Principal scrunched his eyebrows together. 

“In my professional opinion it is due to people being more brazen when having a partner. This can be seen especially in lower grade sorcerers, who are prone to believing that they are invincible when someone backs them up.” Everyone had turned to look at the doctor who played with her hair idly as she spoke. 

“And the second grade and up?”

“It happens less. But there are some, even first grade sorcerers, who are accident prone,” Shoko said and quickly looked at you, not long enough for others to pick up on that she was speaking about you.

Gojo’s phone rang in the middle of the conference. He left the room with an apology and never came back. Relief and anger ignited in you playing tug of war in your heart as your eyes followed him bitterly.

“I think this is all. I’ll send everyone the upcoming jobs, but if no one has anything to say, I think we can conclude this meeting here,” Yaga said, the choir of thank yous and goodbyes filling the room. 

You stretched yourself, happy to be on your feet again. 

“Hey, can we talk?” Nanami tried to get your attention. 

You stood in the room that was quickly emptying out of people. Shoko awkwardly hung around in a small distance from you and Nanami, trying to pretend that she wasn’t listening to your conversation. 

“I don’t entirely understand the conversation between you and Gojo, but if I have somehow disrespected you I offer my deepest apologies.” Nanami’s voice was soft. Your heart ached as you realized how bad your words must have appeared to him. 

“I’m so sorry. It’s not about you. You’ve done nothing..” You trailed off as you saw the tall curse eating man walk outside with a sly smile on his lips.

“That’s a relief but if I may be so blunt, I have a hunch that there is something bothering you,” Nanami said. 

You looked at him and chewed your lower lip nervously. This was all their fault. If they had not done what they did, you would not be in this position. The least they could have done is to keep the names of people you know out of their mouths. 

“I’m sorry to leave you hanging like this, but can we finish this conversation later?” You  hurried past him, only hearing Nanami mumble the word ‘sure’ like a kicked puppy and you said goodbye to Shoko agreeing on staying in touch with her.

The corridor was almost empty as you walked through the school building frantically searching for that bastard of a man. Your footsteps echoed on the wood as you arrived at a not so well known exit of the building. Geto stood in front of the dual doors, half heartedly pushing it open as he furiously wrote something on his phone. 

You yelled out his name, but he did not bother to react to you. You closed in on the man that was still standing back towards you. Anger surged in you as adrenaline made you braver than what you normally would be. You were supposed to just grab the ends of his hair that were sprawled across his back, but in the heat of the moment your impulse control had another lapse as you kept on raising your hand. A fist closed around the bun that had been carefully crafted on his scalp and you dug your fingers around the hair tie and then yanked, hard. 

“What the hell are you doing?!” He turned around stepping out of the doorway letting it close properly with a thump and he closed the distance between you for good. His eyes shot daggers at you. 

“You did not pay attention to me.” You shook your hand out of the spare strands that were stuck on your palm and offered the small hair tie back to him. 

“Well you got it now,” he hissed. “You can keep that as a souvenir. I don’t want anything that a filthy bitch like you has touched,” he said, the calm composure nowhere in sight. 

A filthy bitch? Really? Then maybe you should break up with Satoru if this is your deal breaker.. That’s what you wanted to say, but you held back your tongue. 

Geto took a deep breath, calming himself down, slipping on the mask that you were more used to seeing. He put his phone back in his pocket.

“What do you want?” 

“You told me,” you started, tears threatening to flow over. “You told me that I can just leave and do whatever I want. Why do you keep tormenting me? Why do you let Gojo do what he does?” Your voice broke as you started crying openly. You hated it, it made you weak. No. You were weak. 

“Firstly, I’m not his guardian. He can do what he wants.” He sounded like a smartass. 

“Second of all, never. And I repeat. Never, lay a hand on me ever again, especially on my hair.” You rolled your eyes. 

Of course it was the hair that ticked him off completely. It was his crown, the only thing he had ever been able to take care of besides Satoru. Suguru loved to flaunt himself as the calm one, the kind one, but the exterior had always had some cracks in it. No amount of paint was able to hide the rotten wall behind it. 

“I can forgive your outburst at Satoru’s, but now that you’re in your right mind, you won’t get second chances.” 

“I don’t want ‘second chances’. I want you to leave me the fuck alone so I can do my job,” you yelled at him. 

“Lower your voice. Or do you want to air out all the dirty laundry for everyone?” Geto hushed you. 

“It’s not my ‘laundry’, it’s fucking yours!” You roared and tears fell down your cheeks blurring your vision. Your face felt hot as it got wrapped in the wrath of your words. 

Geto did not answer you, instead he chose to stare you down, not moving at all as if he was a statue. He looked like a child throwing a tantrum when things did not go his way, his face contorting to a sneer that could challenge any rich spoiled brat. You panted and wiped your face with the rough backside of your palm. 

“Move.”

“Ladies first,” he snickered childishly and kicked open the heavy door with his foot as he stepped slightly to the side. God this man hangs out too much with Gojo. 

As you left the school grounds barely holding your breakdown away, there was one figure in the corridors hugging the wall near the exit, clutching onto her purse. 

***

SHOKO’S MEMORIES, 2006

“Truth or dare?” Satoru asked, popping the pink bubblegum in the air, sucking the sticky material back in his mouth to chew on loudly. 

“Truth,” Shoko said, placing another cigarette in her mouth. She smoked especially heavily when she was drinking. 

Satoru had managed to bring a whole six pack of beer to the picnic whereas Suguru had found a travel size vodka bottle from his parents. Shoko had brought a package of different berries and salty crackers with her. 

“If you could have any technique in the world, which one would you have?” Satoru asked. He looked at the clear blue sky and the way the summer breeze pushed on the white clouds. 

Shoko played with the corner of the blanket as she thought deeply about his question. She stared at the shoes she had placed on the grass and the manicure on her toes that Utahime had insisted on putting on her. 

“I think I’d keep this one,” she smiled wistfully. 

“Really? You wouldn’t want my powers?” Satoru looked at her tilting his head to the side. He spat out the chewing gum and placed it on the plastic lid that belonged to the packaging of berries. He did not like it when things ran out of flavor, always searching for something more. 

“No. I don’t envy you at all. I just want a happy life and that’s all” Shoko answered his gaze, with a gentle smile. “Besides, I like the way I am and I suppose I can help people like this,” she added. 

Satoru hummed. He was clearly dissatisfied with the answer. 

He did not exactly know why. 

“Satoru, that's sad. You should ask something fun,” Suguru pointed out and took a sip from the beer can. 

The three of them sat on a grassy hill that had a pretty decent view of the city and the park below it. Shoko leaned against the huge tree behind her back. The cicadas were performing their own concert with the hum of motorways working as their orchestra.  

“You figure out better questions then,” Satoru pouted, but wasn’t actually hurt. 

“Isn’t it my turn to ask though?” 

Shoko looked in the distance watching closely how a woman jogged with her shiba inu, her ponytail swishing in the same rhythm as the chord of her headphones. Both men nodded slightly out of sync. 

“Satoru truth or dare?” 

“Truth.” 

“Who’s the hottest person you know?” Her eyes twinkled teasingly. 

“Waka Inoue of course. She’s sexy as hell!” Satoru slapped his hand on his heart as if he was saluting. 

“Really? You still have a crush on her?” Suguru questioned. It was his turn to pout. “Am I not enough?” 

“Baby you’re plenty, but you can’t replace a huge rack,” Satoru’s voice was steady as if he was talking about the most important thing in the whole world. 

“I can’t argue with that.” Suguru sighed defeatedly, his shoulders slumping down dramatically. 

“Ugh. I shouldn’t have asked that. Both of you are so weird and gross about women,” Shoko grimaced regretting her decisions and lifted the cigarette to her mouth as if to cover the bad taste of Satoru’s words. 

The man in sunglasses ignored the criticizing words. “Suguru. Truth or dare?” 

“Dare.” 

“I dare you to share this,” Satoru lifted up a huge strawberry. “Like in Lady and the Tramp with Shoko,” he referred to the scene where the two dogs shared a spaghetti meal, eventually kissing. 

“That’s too small!” Shoko protested immediately, shaking her head. The idea of doing that with Suguru made her feel iffy. 

“I’m game if she is,” Suguru said and offered his palm to Satoru who plopped the berry in his hands. 

Shoko had a nervous giggle come out of her. 

“C’mon, it’s just a game. You can always let go after like one bite. This is truth or dare afterall,” Satoru coaxed. 

“Fine. But I won’t kiss you, not even a peck.” Shoko established her own rule and rolled her eyes. She put out the cigarette on the grass and left the butt there. 

“We’ll see about that,” Suguru laughed and picked at the stem that got thrown over next to the chewed up gum. 

He awkwardly came closer to the young female student and placed the bigger end between his lips. He looked silly, the red end peeking out of his mouth. Suguru attempted at mouthing the words ‘come closer’, but neither Satoru or Shoko understood his words but the context clue carried the point to Shoko. 

She got on her knees sitting on top of her legs and straightened herself out. Suguru was way taller than her, even when he sat. Her face approached Suguru’s who had a pink tint on his cheeks from the alcohol he had drank.  

She opened her mouth and barely bit down on the smaller end, her tongue touching the bumpy texture of the strawberry. 

“Ready. Set. Go!” Satoru exclaimed, motioning finger guns happily. His gaze was completely glued on his two friends. 

Suguru closed his eyes and he started to carefully nibble, closing dangerously on Shoko’s lips. She bit quickly, not really tasting anything and began to pull away in hopes of Suguru calling it quits too. 

Unfortunately she wasn’t fast enough. The last bits of strawberry fell down on Shoko’s lap when Suguru pressed his lips against hers, a faint red trail dripping on her chin. She didn’t move and her eyes widened in shock. Shoko didn’t know what to do so she just held her hands on her lap. 

Suguru pet gently behind the girl’s head kissing her motionless lips. His hand trailed down to her neck and all the way to her shoulder. Shoko felt the sweet taste in her mouth mixing with the alcohol, stranger’s saliva and nicotine as Suguru dragged his hand to the mound of her breast. The warmth emanating from his palm was enough to bring her back to reality and Shoko pushed the bigger guy off of her. 

“Why did you do that?” she snapped and crossed her arms. 

“Oh don’t get angry now. Have a drink and chill out.” Satoru sighed. He shuffled awkwardly and placed the almost empty tote bag on his lap and grabbed a new beer can from there. Shoko narrowed her eyes in suspicion, but did not want to make room for any weird thoughts that would imply even weirder things. “It’s just a joke.” 

“This is not the first time you take jokes too far.”

Shoko looked away from the two boys, disappointment turning into an ache in her heart and wiped her chin clean from the strawberry. She slipped on the ballerinas laying on the ground. 

“Seriously? You’re leaving because of this?” Suguru tilted his head, his voice defensive.

Shoko threw her cigarettes and lighter in her own purse checking the blanket for other stuff she had. 

“Yeah, I am. I’m not having fun anymore.” Her voice was cold as she was attempting to hide the nervous tremble in her body and almost jumped up throwing the bag on her shoulder. She turned around, once again crossing her hands against her chest as if to protect herself and started walking.

“Hey! Don’t you want your blanket with you?” Satoru yelled after her. The two guys sat on the quilt completely bamboozled. 

“Keep it! I don’t need it!” 

She didn’t eat strawberries for the rest of the summer. 

***

“Hey you really should sing this one!” Shoko laughed as she scrolled through the song list.

“Whaat? No that’s not even funny,” you laughed and slapped her arm gently. 

“Is it really not? Or are you just a bore?” Shoko taunted getting ready to put the song on.

“Can we sing something from this?” You pointed at the category called 2000’s hits. 

“I’ll pick something at random and you’re just going to deal with it,” Shoko laughed clearly tipsy too after the multiple drinks you both had drank. 

The disco ball was spinning around the small room painting the walls in hues of blue, red and green. Nanami sat on the couch nursing his whiskey as he stared off into space. The upbeat music filled the room, bass shaking the ground underneath your feet.

It was the first time going out after the events at Gojo’s house. Shoko had basically begged you to come with her to get shit faced complaining that she really needed someone to rant with. You told her that Utahime was right there and would probably love to listen to her, but she claimed that the woman from Kyoto had other plans for the weekend.

After arriving at the karaoke bar you had been taken back after seeing the stoic blonde man at the venue. You weighed the option of immediately leaving in your head, but your conscience did not allow you to do so, after leaving him so rudely hanging in the meeting. When the three of you had gotten your own private room you decided to immediately order shots and drinks with the only goal of getting absolutely black out drunk tonight despite having Nanami there. 

It was honestly rare to see him after work as he had preferred to keep his distance. He was wearing the same clothing he always wore, dress shirt ironed, necktie perfectly hanging against his chest as if he was on the clock. You wouldn’t have been surprised if he were to whip out a cursed tool onto the bar table. 

You clutched onto the microphone singing unevenly as you danced to the beat, half of the syllables disappearing to you being out of breath. Shoko cackled, almost folding over as she kept slapping her thigh eyes watering. She had drunk a few drinks less than you and she had been exceptionally happy even before drinking. Truthfully Shoko was quite a heavy drinker and she definitely should not have been as wasted as what she appeared to be. 

Nanami stared at the both of you, raising the whiskey glass to his lips after checking his wrist watch. 

“Come here! Sing with us!” You yelled to the mic only getting a slightly alarmed expression out of him as he shook his head.

“I think I’m okay with watching you two perform,” he said. 

You pouted but kept on singing, your concentration skills nonexistent. You did not notice the way Shoko glared at him, nudging her head towards you as she pointed the microphone in her hand towards him. 

Nanami cleared his throat under the threatening gaze and clumsily got up. 

“Oh my god! Nanamiii!” You screamed the noise so high pitched that even the speakers were unable to handle it and you could see how Nanami cringed at the sound. 

Shoko squinted her eyes and mouthed the word sing to Nanami. Shoko was not going to deal with you alone. 

The combination of the pop song and Nanami’s voice made you giggle as you hurrayed him happily. He was not a bad singer by any means, but his voice did not fit the song choice. You wondered to yourself, why had you not gotten shitfaced earlier when you had all the good reasons to. 

Shoko decided to take a small break sitting on the spot where Nanami had been earlier and inspected the brown liquid swishing in the glass. She stole a sip from it when Nanami wasn’t watching, not really caring about the fact that it wasn’t her drink.

You grabbed your drink from the table and drank from it and you kept on singing happily, almost jumping around. Nanami looked at you with a terrified expression when you moved side to side with the drink spilling on your hand, but you did not notice the wetness of it. 

“Hey, put that down before you drop the glass,” Nanami said and gently tried to take the glass from you.

“No, I want to keep this,” a pout formed on your face but you still did what he told and turned around swiftly to place the drink on the counter. Your vision was blurry, the lights slightly too bright and you lost your balance tipping over the glass that was already safely on the table. You felt yourself starting to fall but a strong arm snaked around your waist to stabilize you. 

The world felt like it was stopping when the arm around you changed into a tight rope that pressed around your ribcage. The karaoke room changed inch by inch to a vast room with a wall made of windows with a night view of the streets of Tokyo. The shattered drink turned into a broken light bulb on the floor. You felt a hot breath on your skin, but your body had gotten cold. It was as if you had been dunked into ice water, all the earlier excitement completely vanished. The disco ball spun around casting blue lights on the white haired man’s face that ogled you like a piece of meat. The imagery was so vivid and real in your mind that you reacted on instinct, elbowing the man behind you. 

The rope vanished around you as the windows melted to the concrete floor, the shadows of city lights turned back to the tacky illumination of the disco ball. You felt the remnants of cursed energy fizzing out like a soda can as your eyes landed on Nanami, who was slightly hunched over holding onto his side the pain making him grimace. You had no idea how much force you had actually used, but probably quite a lot judging by the way Nanami was reacting. 

Shoko stood there completely still, eyes filled to the brim with worry and confusion. Her lips were ajar and she gulped down wanting to say something, but she did not know what. 

“My apologies. I didn't mean to touch you inappropriately,” Nanami managed to say. The music track played in the background, but it felt empty without a drunken voice guiding it. He was lucky to have good reflexes, instinctually protecting himself from the blow, otherwise Shoko would have had a patient off the clock. 

“Uh,” Your mouth gaped at him hopelessly. He had done nothing wrong. 

“I’ll go for a cigarette,” you blurted out and left the room hurriedly. The long hallway stretched in front of your eyes as you looked at the numbers on karaoke booths, only muted colors flashing through the slightly translucent doors. You leaned on the wall as you dragged your feet forward arriving at the front desk that thanked you for your time, but you did not pay attention to them and turned to your left to stare at the steep stairway.

The steps were made out of wood with a black paint that had started to chip away and the walls were pure red, too bright and intense for your eyes. You focused on the door in front of you and barely saw the red walls around it as they got covered by a dark cloud, your way of seeing more animalistic than human.The only thing in your mind was the need to get some fresh air as emotions threw you around like a shipwreck at the sea. 

You pushed the door open and walked over to a bicycle stand choosing an empty spot where you plopped yourself on. You rocked yourself back and forth as you cried and gripped onto your skin painfully hoping that at least the physical sensation would put an end to your suffering. You started to be more aware of the familiar banging against your skull. 

The door of the karaoke bar opened as Shoko walked outside, her face now serious, resembling more the woman she was at work than the friend giggling at drunk people's jokes. 

“Hey. You forgot this inside.” She handed you your bag.

You wanted to answer something but you could not as the words got stuck to your throat. Your world flashed back and forth between sensations that you weren’t supposed to feel in this moment. The guilt and sadness ate you alive, nipping away from your vitals the more you tried to push them down. 

Shoko placed a cigarette between her lips and lit it up and offered it to you. You took it gladly off her hands inhaling the sweet smoke, but you almost ended up suffocating on it as your nose was too stuffed to handle it. Even the menthol taste was unable to help you with this issue. Shoko opened the green box once more to get herself a smoke as well. 

She took a drag out of it and watched your shuddering figure. 

“I saw you in the hallway with Geto. Something happened at Gojo’s right?”

You lifted your head up mascara running on your cheeks. Had you not been in such a bad state her words would have shocked you. 

“I can’t help you if you don’t want my help.” Shoko crouched down to your level. You stared at her face as she left out a puff of smoke that trailed around her face, the dark eye bags now more visible than ever. 

You choked on your tears once more, now openly wailing on the pavement your fingers digging into the soft flesh of your arm. You dragged your nails across yourself leaving pink trails behind it, the soft tingle covering the areas you had just clawed at. 

“I can’t do this anymore,” you cried, your words hard to decipher as your breath hitched. “I can’t keep on doing this. It’s all my fault. I’m so stupid,” you screamed snot falling onto your shirt. 

“So fucking stupid!” You impulsively pressed the cigarette butt against your thigh melting the cloth away the stinging pain shocking you as your skin shed its layers against the fire. 

You had no shame in your breakdown, frankly you did not even recognize the others that looked in your way speaking with hushed voices around you, as they tightened the grip on their partners hands. “That girl really needs to lay off the drinks,” someone had said loudly. Shoko had wanted to immediately pounce, but she held herself together. She knew that you needed her more. 

“Don’t hurt yourself, when you want to hurt someone else,” her voice was just a whisper. “Can I touch you?” She asked not wanting to trigger you further. You nodded. 

Shoko pulled you into a tight hug and you buried your face on her chest, holding onto her like it was the last thing keeping you afloat. You seeked comfort in her presence. 

“I want to die.” You gripped onto her tighter. “I’m so weak.”

Shoko stroked your hair, her own eyes watering as she listened to you wordlessly. She felt your pain almost just as viscerally as you were experiencing them now.  

“No matter… no matter what I do. I can’t escape them. I just want to be gone. I want to-”

Shoko shushed you and slipped her free hand into her pocket, digging out her phone. Almost ten minutes had gone by. She awkwardly opened her chat with Nanami trying to inform the man who was probably still sitting in their booth waiting for the two of you to come back. 

A male voice disturbed the two of you. “Is everything okay?” 

Shoko pressed her hand on your shoulder pushing herself up from the ground, she whispered to you to stay put, not that you really were in any condition to go anywhere. 

“Good that you’re here. I was just about to text you. Can you get us a taxi?”

“Of course,” he said and opened the app punching in your address that Shoko forwarded to him. He looked so much older and out of place in the busy street. 

This was the kind hearted and lovely Nanami that had forgiven you immediately, after you had punched him in the gut because you were fucked up in the head. The kind hearted and lovely Nanami that you couldn’t look in the eyes, because of a certain man whose name you felt like acid on the tip of your tongue. The thoughts in your head brought fresh tears to your eyes. You dangerously sailed in the deep waters of suicidal ideation, your tired hands opening the forbidden door.  

“It’s going to arrive in five minutes,” Nanami hummed. 

“I think you should go. I’ll handle this,” Shoko said, her voice full of pity. “I’ll keep you posted.”

Nanami nodded in agreement. 

“For what it’s worth, take care of yourself too.” Nanami’s words were carefully chosen, anticipating that you weren’t the only one who needed a hug. 

***

SHOKO’S MEMORIES, YEAR 2006

The beach was filled with people who enjoyed the way the sun spoiled them with its warmth. Shoko was sitting on a towel next to Mei Mei who applied generous amounts of sunscreen on her hand. They sat underneath a parasol that had been propped in the sand, covering them both from the direct sun. The brown haired girl watched as Utahime excitedly threw herself to the water. She had given up on trying to get Shoko and Mei Mei in the water as well. 

“Mei Mei, don’t you have a lot of experience with boys?” Shoko almost whispered and hugged her legs. Her beach shawl swayed when the breeze decided to start playing with the huge piece of cloth. 

“Are you trying to imply something?” Her voice was low and melodic but not at all accusatory. 

“No, nothing like that. I just wanted to ask you something.” Shoko shook her head flustered. “Is it normal for a guy to kiss a girl without asking?” 

Mei Mei burst into laughter. This was the question Shoko was getting all worked up for? 

“Shoko,” Mei Mei’s eyes glimmered softly when she said the younger girl’s name with gentleness that reminded her of a mother tugging a child into bed. “I did not take you for being this innocent,” she teased. 

“I’m not innocent,” the brown haired girl huffed with the unexpected blush decorating her cheeks.

“Did someone do that to you?” Mei Mei tilted her head curiously and offered the sunscreen bottle to Shoko who happily took it to her hands.

“If I tell you, will you promise that you won’t tell anyone?”

“If I’m honest, I don’t think I care enough to tattle. You got me curious now. Tell me,” she hummed as a smile curled on her lips. 

“Well uh.. Suguru kind of kissed me when we were playing truth or dare with Satoru,” Shoko explained . She ran her hand between the warm sand, the grainy texture giving her something else to think about. “It was a stupid dare on Satoru’s part. Dunno why I accepted it.” 

Shoko added that she did not want to kiss him under any circumstances but the boy had managed to go over her boundary with ease. 

“That’s it?” Mei Mei asked, raising her eyebrow. She was almost bewildered at how tame the story was. 

“Yeah.” 

The blue haired woman scoffed.

“Guys think that girls like it when they take control and in a certain sense they are right. Maybe they got their eyes on you? Although, I did think that Suguru and Satoru were..” Mei Mei’s voice trailed off as she thought. “It doesn’t matter.” She concluded. 

“If I were you. I’d go along with it.” Mei Mei suggested. 

“No way. I don’t like them like that. Besides that’s not what I asked for your opinion on.” 

“And?” Mei Mei turned her gaze on Shoko, her eyes hardening as she intensely stared at the younger girl. “Those two men are our generation’s strongest and you’re going to complain that one of them gave you a little kiss?” 

Mei Mei’s melodic voice dropped lower as she showed her true feelings of distaste towards Shoko’s views. 

“If I were you,” she started again, her voice tough and bitter. “I’d be securing my spot by their side and not planning to bring forth meaningless accusations over a game of truth or dare.” 

Shoko was at loss with the things that were being said to her. Now that she thought about it, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to speak with Mei Mei. 

“I did not say I was going to tell anyone,” her voice was squeaky like a little girl’s. 

“But you thought about that right?” Shoko did not deny nor confirm the accusation.

Mei Mei’s face softened. “Shoko, you’re a smart girl. You should know better than to get shaken by two boys, especially when you so eagerly lead them on.“ 

“..I don’t lead them on.”

“Then stop meeting them in your spare time. If you do that, guys will think that you’re willing. You’re not a kid anymore, they do notice that you’re a woman now.” 

She stayed quiet, Mei Mei’s words burning on her skin worse than the summer heat. She did not want guys thinking about her that way. She simply wanted to be their friend and the idea of boys and girls being unable to do that because of bodily differences made Shoko shudder. 

“You want to help your friends, right?” Mei Mei asked when Utahime got out of the water. 

Shoko nodded. 

“Then become a doctor. That’s the best you can do to others with the technique you have.” Her words were probably meant to be comforting, but they made Shoko’s heart sink to the bottom of the ocean. 

“Shookoo!” Utahime ran towards the two girls sitting on the beach towels. 

“Are you willing to swim now?” Sand and water droplets clung onto her radiant skin that the younger girl admired silently. Shoko felt her heart skip a few times in her chest when Utahime offered her hand to her. 

“Sure.” The shy smile stretched on Shoko’s lips. 

“I’ll stay here. But you guys have fun.” Mei Mei announced as she opened the book next to her the pages slightly crumpled up. 

Shoko did not really register Mei Mei’s voice anymore. She grabbed Utahime’s hand and the world slowly faded away around them. 

****

Shoko went through the bathroom nimbly avoiding piles of clothing or takeout bags as she looked through your bathroom cupboard. She found a bag of half used cotton pads and a micelar water from the mess.

The taxi drive had felt like eternity. Your tears had dried before settling in the car and numbness had taken over. Shoko helped you to your bed and said that she’d come back soon, closing the door behind her giving you some space to change into something more comfortable. 

The door opened. Shoko looked at you and sat on the bed. You were using a pillow as a support for your back. The night lamp’s warm color casted shadows around your puffy face. The woman shook the bottle in her hand and poured liquid on the white cotton pad and tilted your face towards hers. 

She pressed the pad on your eyelid carefully letting the mixture soak through the heaps of makeup on your face. You sniffled sadly before speaking. 

“I can do this on my own too.” 

“I want to do this,” her voice was soft as she spoke the makeup remover leaving your skin slightly cold. You simply nodded and admired the way her hair framed her face. 

“You know I’ve had my own bad experiences too,” Shoko said, her face turning to a slight frown. Her mind was sailing in memories that she had given up on trying to understand. 

You were at a loss of words. You wanted to pry, but it felt invasive. 

“With them? Really?” You heard yourself asking as you danced on the line of impropriety.

“Yeah,” Shoko hummed, “but we shouldn’t have this conversation yet. Maybe in the morning, but not now,” she tried to make her voice sound brighter, feel brighter as if it would fix everything. 

“Okay,” you said. Maybe she’s right about this. Shoko discarded the dirty cotton pad, simply placing it on the bedside table. It was at its limits the whole thing turned into the color of your foundation with the small black streaks of your mascara on it, or what was left from it. 

She held onto your face gently for a moment too long even after she was done. You opened your eyes to really look at her. She looked so sad and.. young? Yes young was the right word. She looked like a woman robbed out of something sacred. She had been so happy, so easy to excite in her youth, but now all she seemed to carry was baggage. 

Your drunken mind wanted to close the distance, but something held you back. Maybe it was all the answers that were still being withheld by her, maybe it was the understanding that it’s not the right time yet. 

“Can you stay the night?” you whispered. Shoko breathed in and opened her mouth to say something, but you were faster. “Please? Th-there’s some clothes you can borrow in my closet.” 

She stayed quiet and you waited patiently.

“I’ll stay.” 

You smiled weakly at her and muttered a gentle thank you. She shuffled up from the bed and walked over the closet you had pointed for her. You turned your back to her when you heard the rustling of clothing that she ended up piling up neatly on one of the spare chairs in your bedroom. 

You fluffed up the pillow next to you and lifted up the blanket when she climbed in. You turned your back to her as you lay down on your side. Your hand searched the light switch and then the room was pitch black. 

Shoko awkwardly came closer to you till your back was against hers and she played with your hair idly in the silence. The touch was friendly, your body slumping in relaxation almost immediately. It was nice to have someone there. You had gotten so used to being afraid of the nights. 

“Good night,” she said, her voice hoarse. 

“Night.” 

***

You woke up alone with no trace of the woman in your room. She had gotten up earlier than you and dressed up back to the clothes she had in the bar. You hugged your plush blanket, almost burying your whole face underneath it, not ready to face the day.

Your head hurt and you felt nauseous. How is Shoko even able to do things? You wondered to yourself.

The faint knock on the bedroom door disrupted your thoughts as the door opened slightly. 

“I made a sandwich for you and found some painkillers, if you want any,” she said and you heard her steps further away again. 

You groaned and threw the blanket away from your body, the cold greeting you roughly. 

Your kitchen had gotten miraculously cleaner, the multiple empty beer cans piled in a bag and the dishwasher hummed quietly. You stared at the brown table in front of you that had two sandwiches and glasses of water on it, hunger long gone from your body. 

“You really should drink less.” Shoko picked up another empty can from the counter just to place it in the bag.

“Like you’re the one to talk.” You sat on the chair with its legs squeaking against the floor with your rough treatment. 

You grabbed the pill bottle and rattled out two tablets that you threw in your mouth and drank barely enough water to chase them down. 

“What do you remember?” Shoko asked and sat in front of you. She wasn’t feeling very hungry either. 

“I remember punching Nanami and the talk we had before we fell asleep,” you mumbled, playing with the edges of the slightly crusty lettuce between your sandwich. You had meant to use it on a salad a few days ago, but you were too tired to cook for yourself. Even the simple things were hard. “What did I tell you?”

“Nothing. You were just crying.”

Oh. So it was like that. 

“They assaulted me.” Your face was stern, emotions hidden behind a wall. The words felt weird. It was the first time you had actually said it out loud.

Shoko’s face widened from shock. 

“They what?” 

“Don’t make me repeat it,” you hissed. 

“Sorry, I won’t.” 

The silence felt unbearable and you stuffed your face full of bread just to do something. 

“They did something similar when we were still in school.” Shoko ripped the hangnail painfully from her skin and pressed on the miniscule wound with one of her fingers. 

You chewed the sandwich aggressively without tasting anything, the texture turning to mush in your mouth. 

“Why didn’t you warn me?” Your words were way more accusatory than what you wanted. 

Shoko turned her head to the side looking hurt by your sudden outburst. Her eyebrows scrunched together in pain as she looked for the perfect words, but there were none. 

“You admired them. I didn’t want to take that away from you, and when I realized that I probably should have said..”

“Bullshit, Shoko. It’s been ten years. I deserved to know, you could have-”

“Stop blaming me for their shit!” she yelled. Shoko never yells. 

You fell quiet. You reined in your anger, its hands still attempting to reach out to anything it could latch on. She was right. It’s not her burden to bear, but you still couldn’t help but feel powerless, when there could have theoretically been someone who could have told you to not go there. 

“Sorry,” you simply said just to drop the topic. Shoko sighed defeatedly and pushed her head briefly against her hands. She understood the anger, she really did. 

“They drugged me and then raped me together. I don’t remember a lot from it. I fought back – well attempted to,” your voice shook as you spoke. 

The brown haired woman simply looked at you with silent empathy. 

“Did you at least get one good punch in?” 

Your lips curled into a downhearted smile. The memory of your feeble fight playing in your mind, the weakness and despair of it all, a futile attempt of a prey to preserve their life just one moment longer. 

“Not a single one,” you laughed hollowly as one tear rolled on your cheek and your lips trembled. “But I did rip some hair out of Geto at the school,” you tried to brighten your voice and be brave. 

Shoko’s eyes watered and she answered your smile with her own. 

“Good.” 

The almost happy expression faded from your face. Everything hurt, never had you ever thought to be in a situation like this where you were exchanging devastation with your friend like gifts on christmas. 

“Why did you stay? Even Nanami left for a while, you could have done the same.” Your question was gentler this time. 

Shoko pondered for a minute, not sure of her answer either. 

“Because this is the only way I could help. I had you and Utahime and I didn’t want to leave you two behind. Besides what else was I supposed to do? I’ve been given a technique that can save many if I choose right. Had I left a lot more could have died because I wasn’t here — all because of what two men did,” she tried to put her thoughts together. 

“There’s a reason why Utahime doesn’t like Gojo,” Shoko blurted out and played with her hair. 

You took a careful sip of water as if you were trying to carefully dissect the different flavors of Shoko’s words. 

“What do you mean? Did they do something to her as well?” 

“No. I just mean that women know, you know? I think it’s in our blood to recognize danger. That’s one of the reasons she despises him. But this is just my thought, not an universal truth,” Shoko wondered out loud. 

She breathed in once again as if the words she was about to speak were too painful. 

“I think sometimes us women have to carry the atrocities of men. There’s no rhyme or reason why they do certain things. At least that’s what I’ve been telling myself. I never went through what you did, but I can’t say that I’m surprised,” she mused. “I’m sorry though. What you went through. It’s not right.”

Her brown eyes stared at you expectantly. You chewed on your lip nervously and tapped the empty plate with your nail, the small tinkle sound working as a metronome. 

“No, it’s not,” you huffed. But it feels like it’s my fault. If I had not gone there, if I had not idolized them – loved them even. This wouldn’t have ended this way. It was easier to leave those words in your head. 

“So what now?” You looked at Shoko, your eyes pleading, asking for answers, guidance, anything she would be able to provide to you. You knew there was nothing clear cut Shoko could say, but god how you wished that someone would know what to do. 

Shoko shook her head in defeat as if telling you that she wasn’t able to point you on the right track like that. 

“Whatever you want. You can stay or go, but you don’t have to carry it alone,” Shoko said, her face gentle. You could still draw out the remnants of the young girl from the year two thousand and six on her features. The lines were almost faded but they were still there. 

You found kinship in her even if neither of you had shared the full story of what had happened. You weren’t there yet and you weren’t ready. Instead the two of you skirted around words unspoken finding solace of at least having someone who could understand. It was up to the both of you what to make out of the confessions of the past. 

[yostresswritinggirl]

That Loud House

pairings -> Alhaitham x Reader x Kaveh; poly

words -> 2,574 words

An architect, a scribe, and a prodigal drop out walked out of a house. Somehow they all fell in love, even tho they don't look like it when they're outside. (next)

As a local citizen in Sumeru City, you must have heard about that loud house in the higher levels.

Infamous for reasons already in the name, it had become a running gag, transcending the foundation of the structure to its well-known owners.

The loudness of that house wasn't anything new, but the occupants and its most recent addition made the legendary house ever so entertaining than annoying. Their names known far and wide, even touching the desert with gossip.

Out comes Alhaitham, the grand Scribe of the Akademiya holding himself to such high regard as both the lunatic and the savior of all of Sumeru.

Next leaves Kaveh with a bit more pep in his steps, so uncharacteristic of the Master Architect when he's frequently whining about his living conditions and roommate.

And last but never ever least exits you, gently closing and locking the door behind you unlike the first two to leave, rubbing at your eyes as you stumbled through the streets of the city with nothing but muscle memory guiding you.

No one knows how the relationship of that loud house came to be, only that one day, suddenly three people lived there. And those three people loved each other, expressed in some way that none of the Vahumana scholars can ever explain.

How you three came to be is a very... peculiar arrangement that people could only know if they asked. But out of your trio, only Kaveh is the approachable one, and even he didn't know the full story.

The true story of your relationship is privy to only you and Alhaitham, but the man would never entertain gossipers (for the sole reason of wanting them to overthink and hypothesize). And the two had made it very clear that they don't want you to be bothered by such trivial matters.

Foundation

No one would ever believe that Alhaitham started this complicated relationship, but he did. And no one but him and his clever brain would know how long he had planned for this.

"I see you're spacing out again," you pause in your walk as you silently watch the silver-haired Scribe make his way over. "Good morning."

"Good morning, Alhaitham." The scholar easily falls into step with you as you continued your leisurely walk, consciously adjusting your hair when you realized how well-kept next to your sleep-deprived self. "I'm fine, how about you?"

You've known the man even before he became a Scribe, even before he graduated and became your senior. How your closeness came to be is already a blur in your mind, but if there's one thing you're certain of, he at least enjoys your company.

You've bonded over collaborations for research before and after he graduated. Perhaps that's what draws him to you, he always liked and supported your ideas as much as he can even when no one does. Sadly, his work and your problems kept your interactions scarce.

"Wrong, it is actually already afternoon. Clearly, you are not fine and you can't deny it now." Oh my - you gently, slowly put your palm to your face, already so done with his antics for today.

It looks like you have a lot to catch up on since the last you talked. And Alhaitham, ever so smart, caught on with the impending long talk who proceeded to guide you to the tables outside Djafar Tavern.

When Eymen came over to take your orders, Alhaitham instead ordered for the two of you when you were about to refuse the service. Right, he's a rich guy now.

"How's your research been?" And at the sight of your sour face, he connected the dots almost immediately. "Same old?"

"Same old Akademiya. They won't fund anything that's not useful or groundbreaking, and I really liked this topic, too." And at his urging nods, you went on a tangent of the curiosities you've been hooked on for a while now, another idea he approves. "I don't understand why they are so heavily guarded with research regarding the history of the desert. I just want to learn more."

"Then leave the Akademiya." Stabbing into the Tandoori Roast Chicken a little too harshly, you looked at him with wide, incredulous eyes. "What? If the Akademiya is restricting you then you can continue your research without their laws applying to you."

Lunatic. That's just like him. Looking at you innocently with a raised brow as if he didn't just say something so out of pocket.

"You know I can't do that."

"Why not?" Bingo! That hesitant side glance confirmed his hypothesis easily, there's more than just the Akademiya that's putting circles under your eyes. Even as you occupied yourself with chewing the chicken, he kept his eyes on you like a hawk.

You sighed. "Research is my only income, unlike you, Scribe." He must be paid really well for his position, after all. "Rent in the City is also rising, I have to pay that next week, too. I'm so tired."

What is up with the people his close to and financial problems? He shakes his head. "Then drop out of the Akademiya and live with me." Unfortunately, this time he didn't care that you had chicken in your mouth. He continued while you're busy coughing your lungs out. "With my income, I'm more than glad to support your research. With this arrangement, you can focus on what you want and your health as we-"

HUH?! "Shu - fu - shut, shut up for a second." Eymen quickly came to your aid with a glass of water after seeing the commotion, but as he was about to pat your back, a stern look from your friend(?) made him think twice. "Do you even know what you're saying?"

"Yes. It's quite simple really," Alhaitham sat up straighter on his seat and uncrossed his arms. "I'll be your research support, I can even help you on them if need be, and living under my roof will remove you of financial burden.

"Deal." Eymen let out a loud 'huh?!' as he looks at you like you have a fungus head. "And I assume that you want something out of this, too?"

Nodding approvingly of your perceptive thinking, his next words both had you and Eymen reeling. "In exchange, date me and Kaveh."

... On second thought, it's not just you and Alhaitham that knows the true story.

But no one ever believes Eymen the bartender.

Surveying

Apparently, they were not in a relationship. Apparently, Kaveh doesn't even know about the terms and conditions of what transpired that day.

"Oh! Fancy meeting you here!" With the context, you awkwardly reciprocated the hug the architect greeted you with.

"You two know each other?" Alhaitham emerged from the guest room were your bags and items will be making home until this arrangement is over.

Kaveh, your Kshahrewar senior raised to the power of 2 was someone you had also collaborated with beforehand. Learning about the different periods Sumeru went through, as well as the civilizations of the other regions, the architect thought it was common sense to ask you for building inspirations.

The architecture was a part of your studies, right? Perhaps by seeing the different buildings all over Teyvat, he could infer his own design for his plates. You remember working on it for two days straight because you didn't want to disappoint him with a half-baked result, not when such a household name depended on you, a no name researcher.

"Well, that makes things easier then. They are staying with us from now on."

"They are?" The blond turns to you. "You are?!" You nod. "Oh, an angel descends from the skies to preserve my sanity in this house!"

You shake the hand offered to you, his smile brightening up more. "Let's get along, shall we?"

And get along you did. To be fair, it wasn't really that hard knowing Kaveh is Kaveh, and Alhaitham as his point of reference makes everyone look like saints.

However, being in the middle of these two also guarantees you to always be in the middle of their notorious arguing, even after you all settled into a genuine relationship.

"It's called a passion project, what is so hard to understand about that? Then again, knowing you, it wouldn't be too far fetched." Closing your eyes, the taste of the freshly cooked baklava became more apparent to your taste buds.

"It's not about whether this project is so important to you, it's the fact that it is missing a crucial factor: feasibility." Pulling the mug in your left hand, you washed down the sweetness of the pastry with slightly bitter coffee.

"What do you know about architecture to tell if it's feasible or not? You took one look at my plates and think you know better." Gulping your food, you let out a silent yawn as you tried to blink the sleepiness away.

"One look at it and I can see that you've put zero thought to the prices of the materials." What time is it? Maybe you can get some last minute nap before heading out.

"Why you -" Before you can register their morning argument subsiding, the feeling of hands on yours and your cheek jolted you awake.

"Why are you dozing off? Did you not sleep enough tonight?" As Alhaitham takes away the mug in your hand, Kaveh proceeds to wipe the pastry crumbs around your lips. Shaking your head, your blond lover moves to stand behind your chair.

"You told us you have an important errand today, you're gonna be late!" Then he starts to brush your hair back to style it as usual. Prying an eye open, you see a glimpse of Alhaitham cleaning up the table, as well as a hint of a subtle smile when his gaze caught sight of you and Kaveh.

Of course, if there's one thing that Kaveh and Alhaitham can agree on, it's their love for you. And that's honestly enough for them.

Structuring

Alhaitham viewed you as his responsibility in this symbiotic relationship, and when the time came that Kaveh settled into the arrangement, taking care of you became easier.

While it's not apparent, the Scribe hated seeing you stressed or down especially when you're susceptible to it than normal.

Things such as bills, needs, funding, rejected thesis can greatly affect your mental health greatly. And that in turn messes with the functionality of your brain, the same brain that he greatly adores. So with lesser jargon Alhaitham entrusted this information to Kaveh so that they both can look out for you when the other isn't there.

Unlike Alhaitham however, Kaveh's less used to your antics.

A shrill scream that can definitely be heard past the walls of the house made him jump and trip out of his bed, stumbling out of his room as he made a mad dash towards the room where the scream came from.

"(Y/N)?! What's wrong?!" Oh gosh, did you get hurt? Did someone break in?! Alhaitham is going to kill him for real this time!

Turning around from your spot in the middle of the living room, you pulled your hands out of your messy hair at the sight of your blond architect. "Kaveh? Oh shoot, I'm sorry did I wake you?" You thought you were alone in the house.

Shaking his head, his hands land on your shoulders to look for any signs of injuries. But no, based on the messiness of your hair, it seems more like an internal turmoil. "I heard your scream, tell me what's wrong, dear."

"Sorry, sorry, I was just really frustrated -" He needs to get you to clear your mind then, like what Alhaitham instructed- "Because of this stupid DIY miniature set."

"What?" Looking past you to the coffee table, there was the evidence of your frustrations. Cloth and wooden panels strewn about, and a mess of papers either discarded or needed littered the carpeted floor. "Why are you working on a DIY miniature house? Is that a house?"

"To destress." You raise your hands up in defense when Kaveh sent you a deadpan. "I think it's a Mondstadt style house."

"Why didn't you ask me to help then?" Forgetting his initial plan, he went on to seat on the floor and caught sight of the instructions page. Occupied with the interesting structure, you curiously sat next to him as he looked at the pieces. "I'm an architect, this is my forte!"

But... you're the one that's... trying to destress?

When Alhaitham came home, the house was suspiciously quiet despite having the lights open. Did one of you leave the main floor lights on by accident? Hanging his cape by the door, walking further into his shared home finally gave him the answer.

Cut up paper and trimmed fake plants scattered the area together with various small tools that he carefully picked up before anyone could step on it. There is a small model of what seems to be Mondstadt structure in the middle of the mess that could easily fit in his palm.

"This is what you two did the whole time?" But he expected the lack of response.

After all, as he turns towards the couch, there Kaveh laid stretched over the entire length of the long seat with his arm shielding his closed eyes. And there you lay on top, basically faceplanting the architect's chest.

Alhaitham could see the dried up clear glue on the tips of your fingertips.

His attention averts back to the miniature house. And that's when he sees it. Leaning down, the Scribe plucks up a copper wire with tiny bulbs jutting out here and there, with a switch at one end.

Oh. You two must have forgotten to add the wiring before assembling the piece and slept the frustration away.

Chuckling to himself, the man crossed his legs as he sat, picking up the discarded tweezer and glue. What would you two do without him really?

You were startled out of your shopping trip at the sound of someone screaming your name, followed by a person you've never met writing over to you. A mahamata personnel?

"We're sorry to bother you but Mr. Alhaitham and Kaveh -" Of course, it's about them.

It was a fallacy that everyone keeps committing at this point, believed in assumptions without evidence, but you followed the man to the destination to Treasures Street.

And when you stood in between the two quarreling scoundrels you call your lovers, the man who was hoping you'd stop the disturbance on peace looked confused. Of course he was.

After all, the arguments are part of the charm. Just because you came into the picture doesn't mean they'll stop in your presence, no, that's not your function in this relationship. However -

"I made progress."

"You did?! Thank goodness, I was worried you'll have to wait another day for dusk!" Kaveh flipped like a switch at the good news, eagerly suggesting to eat out for the occassion.

"Did you write it down? I wish to compare notes with my own hypothesis back home once we're done. When's the last time you hydrated?"

The public watched in confusion as the trio of lovers left the scene towards Lambad's Tavern, the argument turning into a conversation of jargons and lexicon that they can't follow.

It's always so eventful seeing the occupants of that loud house when they're together.

They just wish things were a little quieter.

Finally, the lesser organized poly series counterpart of CtM is here. Should have stuck to the headcanons format honestly but at least I know this isn't gonna be a one off thing lol

@ireallylikehamsters

[ultrone]

𝗧𝗔𝗟𝗞 𝗠𝗘 𝗗𝗢𝗪𝗡 ┊ 𝗌𝗁𝖺𝗎𝗇𝖺 𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉𝗆𝖺𝗇 𝗑 𝗃𝖾𝖿𝖿'𝗌 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗇𝗀𝖾𝗋 𝗌𝗂𝗌𝗍𝖾𝗋

synopsis (request). shauna comes over to jeff's place to hook up, completely unaware that his younger sister, you, are home too. she gets mad at him for saying he was home alone, since you obviously realized that they're having an affair. shauna begs you not to tell jackie about it, and you agree, but only under one condition.

cw. himbo jeff, cheating, shauna's first time with a girl, minors dni; smut with plot, power bottom reader, soft top shauna, corruption (?), strap-on use, cum-filled strap, riding, oral.

wc. 4.4k

It was 10:30 pm. You were lying on your stomach in bed, enjoying a lollipop and flipping through a magazine you had purchased earlier in the day. As you listened to music playing from your speaker, you suddenly heard a knock at the door. However, you chose to ignore it and continued with your own activities.

A second knock followed.

"Jeff, get the door!" you called out to your older brother, but received no response. Another, louder knock echoed through the house.

“Jesus christ,” you muttered with annoyance, rising from the bed and making your way downstairs towards the door. As you approached the door, frustrated with your lazy brother for not answering it, you muttered under your breath, “asshole.”

Your parents were not home that day as they were both away on a business trip for two days. This meant that the person at the door was either one of Jeff's friends or the pizza you both had ordered earlier.

As you unlocked and opened the door, expecting to see Randy, you were taken aback by a pair of big, mesmerizing brown eyes—belonging to Shauna Shipman. Shauna was the best friend of your brother's girlfriend. You often spotted her around university, hanging out with your brother's group of friends or in the hallways, but the two of you had never spoken before. It's not like you had a reason to, considering they were two years older than you. You also knew of her because Jackie frequently mentioned her when she came over, but that was the extent of your knowledge about Shauna.

But now, as she stood right in front of you, you began to realize how pretty she actually was—something that had never crossed your mind before. Her big brown eyes were beautiful, with a hint of melancholy lingering within them. Her lips were plump, soft, and had a gentle redness to them. Her hair was pulled back, with two strands gracefully falling on either side of her face, framing it perfectly. She wore a white shirt layered with a dark red flannel on top, along with ripped jeans and black converse shoes. If you had known she looked like this all along, you would have definitely tried to hit.

Why is she here, though? Are Jeff and her even that close?

Just as you were about to speak, a voice came from behind you.

"Shauna! Hey!" Your brother responded, accompanied by his characteristic charming smile and tone.

You turned around and stepped aside, so as not to be in the way.

"Hey, Jeff," Shauna greeted him with a smile, although she seemed a bit tense, as if she hadn't expected you to be there.

"Come on in," he said casually. "This is my younger sister, Y/n. I'm sure you've seen her around," he added as Shauna entered and Jeff closed the door behind her.

"Yeah... Nice to meet you, Y/n," she replied with a forced smile, still showing traces of uneasiness on her face.

"Hey," you greeted with a fake smile.

"Well, we're heading upstairs to work on a project. Can you open the door for the pizza when it arrives?" Jeff said, gesturing for Shauna to follow him up the stairs.

"Work on a project, huh?" You chuckled incredulously. You weren't sure if it was the overpowering scent of his cologne, the fact that he had just showered, or simply that it was already 10:30 pm on a Saturday night. But you knew for certain that those two weren't going upstairs to study. Poor Jackie, you thought. You and Jackie only interacted when Jeff was around, and you were aware of her apparent sassy demeanor at school. However, she had always been kind to you, and you appreciated her. You also knew how much she cared about Shauna. So, the fact that your brother and she were up to who knows what behind Jackie's back made you sympathize with her.

Shauna paled at your words, realizing that she had messed up—she knew that coming over to Jeff's house was already a huge risk, and now you had caught her in the act. When Jeff mentioned that his parents were out and he was home alone, she certainly didn't expect you to be there.

"Uh... what?" Jeff responded, a hint of defensiveness in his tone. "Just because I have an academic alert doesn't mean I don't study," he retorted.

"Yeah, sure," you replied, rolling your eyes at his feeble attempt to cover up his lie.

"Anyway, get the pizza," he instructed, before finally heading up the stairs, with Shauna following closely behind.

Leaning against the front door, you sucked on your lollipop slowly, observing them with narrowed eyes as they made their way to their destination. As Shauna reached the last step, she turned to glance at you, concern evident on her face, but quickly averted her gaze back to Jeff and continued following him.

"I can't do this," Shauna said abruptly, breaking her kiss with Jeff and getting off him, hastily putting on her shoes.

"What's the problem?" he asked with a puzzled expression.

"Why the fuck didn't you tell me your sister was here?" she asked, annoyed, trying to keep her voice down.

"Because it doesn't matter," Jeff replied dismissively, as if Shauna was being unreasonable. "You two don't even know each other, so what's the big deal?" he added nonchalantly.

"You don't know what the big deal is? Are you kidding me?" Shauna asked incredulously. "She knows Jackie, Jeff. What if she says something?" she said, her words laced with deep concern.

"She won't," Jeff assured her, his tone overly confident.

"Stop being so damn casual about it. Do you even care at all?" Shauna questioned, her frustration evident.

"Well, if you were so concerned, maybe you shouldn't have slept with your best friend's boyfriend in the first place," he retorted.

"Fuck you, Jeff." Those were Shauna's parting words as she slammed the door behind her, making her way to the bathroom outside. She needed to wash her face, feeling suffocated and unable to think clearly.

Shauna locked the door behind her and turned on the sink, allowing the cold water to flow. Placing her hands on the sink, she took deep breaths, attempting to regain her composure. Rolling up the sleeves of her flannel, she splashed her face with water, trying to clear her mind and focus on the sensation of the cold water against her warm skin.

Feeling calmer now, she started to contemplate her situation. She couldn't afford to let Jackie find out, she just couldn't. She had to ensure that you wouldn't utter a single word. Determined, she decided that she wouldn't leave the house until she was certain that she had convinced you to keep quiet.

Knowing Jeff, he was probably going to end up jerking off and taking a nap until you woke him up for the pizza's arrival. That gave Shauna enough time to sort things out and talk to you. Taking another deep breath, she dried her face and hands, then stepped out of the bathroom, resolute in her decision to find you.

However, it didn't take her long because the moment she stepped outside, she ran into you. You were walking towards your room with a plate full of piping-hot pizza. Of course, you intended to let the rest of it cool down before informing your brother that the pizza had already arrived. It was the least you could do to honor Jackie—letting your brother chew on a dry and soggy microwaved slice of pizza.

"Had a good time?" you asked teasingly, finding it funny how Shauna was clearly shitting her pants.

"It's not what it looks like," she responded defensively.

"Oh, really? So, did an evil vacuum attack you? Or is there another reason for that mark on your neck?" you inquired sarcastically, chuckling as you observed her hurriedly trying to cover it with her hand—a clear sign that she hadn't noticed it when looking at herself in the mirror.

With that, you left her standing there, looking foolish, and made your way to your room. Closing the door behind you, you settled onto your bed. Picking up the remote control from your nightstand, you turned on your 16-inch Sony TV, positioned right in front of your bed. As you flicked it on, MTV appeared on the screen, and you decided to leave it there, in the mood for watching some music videos.

Just as you were about to take a bite of the delicious, piping-hot pizza you had been eagerly waiting for, you were taken by surprise when your door suddenly opened and someone quickly stepped inside, closing it behind them.

"Uhh… Come on in, I guess," you said, looking at Shauna with a clear expression of confusion, slowly moving the pizza away from your mouth and placing it back down on the plate.

"Can we talk?" she asked, her expression serious and filled with concern.

"Well, since you're already here," you replied suggestively, gesturing for her to start speaking.

"I just..." she began, unsure of what to say. Letting out a sigh, she continued, "Look, I know how this looks, but please, don't tell Jackie," she pleaded, getting straight to the point.

"About what? That you're sleeping with her boyfriend?" you responded challengingly, raising your eyebrows—an unexpected retort.

Taken aback by your blunt remark, she replied with embarrassment, scratching the back of her neck. "Y-yeah," she stammered, clearly flustered.

“And why should I do that?” you asked, slowly sitting up on your bed.

She approached, standing in front of the bed frame, trying to gather her thoughts. Just as she struggled to respond, you spoke up again.

“We’re not even friends, and if anything, I’m closer to Jackie. So, what do I gain from helping you?” you questioned, shifting from a sitting position to kneeling, slowly moving towards her, directly facing her standing figure.

"Don't think of it as helping me, think of Jeff. If you say something, you'll ruin his relationship," she urged, attempting to sound convincing.

You chuckled, confusing her with your response. Helping Jeff? Yeah, right. Destroying him sounded more like something you would want to do. Deep down, Jeff wasn't a terrible person, but he was incredibly dumb and purposely annoying. Despite his charm, he could be a real jerk at times, bossing you around and treating you more like a maid than his younger sister. You were tired of his bullshit. So, you started to contemplate things.

Jeff clearly didn't care about his relationship. Well, maybe he cared a little, mostly for appearances. Being popular himself and dating the soccer team's captain seemed like a good look. But you knew that as soon as you ended his current relationship, he would find another girl in no time. However, destroying his little affair? That would truly crush him. It wasn't because he cared about Shauna, but rather because cheating on Jackie with her best friend gave him a sense of power and superiority. By unraveling this secret and possibly exposing it, you would strip away his most treasured source of validation. And that's exactly what you planned to do.

You wouldn't act immediately, though. No, you would be cautious. You knew that it wouldn't be enough to expose him; you needed him to know that all along, while he thought he was getting away with his little scheme, you were right there, secretly enjoying it as much as him. So, with confident yet cautious hands, you slid your hands to Shauna's sides, gripping her belt loops, slowly pulling her a bit closer, and you spoke.

“I think I know a way you could keep me quiet,” you said, your thumb gently brushing against the line of her jeans, grazing her skin, while your breath mingled with hers.

Nervous yet intrigued, she replied in a trembling whisper, "And what would that be?"

"This," you declared, pulling her closer by the belt loops and sealing your lips together in a bruising, intense kiss. Your tongues immediately mixed together, and you could feel Shauna’s breath increasing as her hands found their way against the sides of your face. As her soft lips moved against yours, you grasped her face with one of your hands, pinching her cheeks and gently pushing her away to catch your breath. Locking eyes with her, you held the intense gaze for a moment.

“I want you to fuck me,” you said hastily, your eyes dilated as you looked at her, mouth partially opened.

Under different circumstances, Shauna would have declined. Despite fucking Jeff frequently, she wasn't the type to sleep around casually; she had always been somewhat reserved. However, she felt trapped. It was either this or risking her friendship with Jackie. Nevertheless, if she were being honest with herself, she wasn't entirely opposed to the idea. She had never been with another girl before, but the thought had been lingering in the back of her mind for a while now, though she had always been apprehensive about exploring that aspect of herself. However, here you were, presenting her with an opportunity to experiment, and not only that, but you were also undeniably attractive. And to be honest, you were a better kisser than Jeff, she thought. So, without further hesitation, she pulled you back into another addictive kiss, this time with a bit more force, causing the both of you to fall onto the bed.

As your mouths continued to explore each other's, you gradually moved further up until your head rested on the pillows. Her lips seemed to grow in intensity as her thigh wedged between yours and began pressing against your center. Slowly rubbing against it, you started to take off her flannel shirt and then her shirt, discarding them on the floor. In response, she assisted you in yanking off your pajama shirt which joined the other pieces of clothing.

You moaned into her mouth as you felt her cool fingertips graze your skin, slipping beneath the fabric of your bra to caress and tease your nipples. You hastily unbuttoned her jeans before abruptly halting, a wave of desire blossoming in the back of your mind. 

Breaking the kiss for a moment, you glanced to your left, reaching out to open the nightstand’s cabinet and rummage through its contents. As you did so, Shauna's eyes fixated on the exposed, tender skin on your neck, and could not help but start giving it sloppy kisses, gently nipping and sucking at it as her fingers kept playing with your now swollen nipples. She was enjoying this a bit too much.

"Here, put this on," you instructed, handing her the double-ended cum-filled strap-on. She pulled away from your neck and looked at it with wide eyes, obviously never having seen one before. You couldn't help but find her puzzled expression endearing, deciding to help her out.

You asked her to take off her jeans, which she did immediately, dropping them on the ground. You were sitting on the bed with your legs wide open, with her kneeling between them in just her lingerie. Your hands moved to her waist, grasping it as you started placing slow and sloppy kisses from her chest down to her abdomen. Then, your hands moved down to her thighs, beginning to rub against them in a gentle yet seductive manner.

Shauna's fingers were intertwined in your hair, her face hovering above yours. As her breath hitched and she pressed her lips together tightly to stifle any moan, she could feel the dampness of her underwear beginning to grow.

You reached the hem of her underwear and slowly caressed the flesh right above it with your tongue, before biting down on the fabric. You used your hands to push down the sides, exposing a large, dark, damp area in the middle.

"You're so wet," you murmured against her skin as you tilted your head to look up at her. You gave her one last kiss on the abdomen before sitting back up. "That's good," you said, helping her slide off her underwear. Taking advantage of the closeness, you whisked away the clothes that were still covering each other's bodies, throwing them onto the heap of clothes on the floor.

You tenderly held her shoulders and guided her to lay down on the bed, positioning her legs with your hands and pushing them apart so you could get a glimpse of her glistening, wet cunt. You couldn't help but lick your lips at the sight.

You grabbed hold of the abandoned strap-on and slid it up her legs. "Are you ready?" You asked, looking intently at her nervous yet intrigued stare. She nodded, indicating that she was ready. Once she was ready, you gradually inserted the toy inside her, making her moan at the delicious stretch. You then wrapped the strap around her waist to lock it in place.

Her brown eyes were dilated, filled with desire as they locked onto yours. Her cheeks were flushed, and she pressed the back of her hand against her mouth, trying to stifle any sounds. Her chest rose and fell with each breath, and her physique was truly captivating; all that soccer practice had certainly paid off.

The sight of her already sweaty, toned body glistening and her muscles slowly contracting with anticipation ignited a burning sensation in your center, and you felt as if waiting another second would cause you to burst into flames.

You climbed onto her body and aligned your opening with her cock, letting yourself sink onto it. “Oh fuck—,” you groaned as your walls stretched out and adjusted to Shauna’s girth inside you. At the same time, she felt the other end of the strap deliciously pressing against her cervix, and bit down on the back of her hand to muffle her moans. She then reached out for the bed sheets, gripping them tightly and releasing a low groan.

Once your walls adjusted to fit her cock snugly, you held onto her shoulders for stability and moved up and down at a swift speed. Every time your body fell on the faux cock, the other end went deep inside her, moving against her tight walls and hitting her right on the g-spot. "Y'like this, huh?" you breathlessly inquired, shifting the intensity of your thrusts from shallow up-and-down motions to deeper front-to-back movements, gliding your palms from her shoulders down her collarbones. She could only moan and nod in agreement, her attention firmly locked to the sensation of your grasp around her throat and the pleasure of having her body penetrated.

She released her white-knuckled grip on your bed sheets, and instead placed her hands on your breasts. Her fingertips caressed them with a light touch while she rolled your nipples between her thumbs and fingertips. As you kept riding the length of her cock, moving your hips back and forth to pleasing effect, you felt yourself getting stretched more and more as she pushed deeper inside of you. Slippery smacking noises echoed off the walls, and you couldn’t believe Jeff was still sleeping through it. “Mmh- feels so fuckin’ good,” Shauna let out in pleasure. It had never felt this good with your brother, it was like losing her virginity all over again, and she couldn’t get enough of it.

Your vision began to fuzz out as Shauna changed the pace, gripping your hips to hold you in place and thrusting with aggression. You felt every inch of her slide in and out of you with ease, your slickness running down your legs and onto her abdomen. Your breaths became shallower and faster as her cock stroked against your g-spot and kept thumping against your cervix over and over. "I-I'm gonna cum," Shauna uttered breathily, her eyes glazing over and her mouth agape, tongue nearly falling out. Her hips were moving rapidly as her motions became more desperate and sloppy. You released her neck and put your palms on top of hers, grasping them firmly as you attempted to keep up with her movements, making them deeper.

“Don’t cum yet, wait for me,” you begged as warmness spread throughout your body from her relentless pounding. “I want you to fill me up as I cum,” you pleaded with a desperate edge to your voice, but the thought of filling you up made her lose control right away. “Fuck, fuck, fuck—” she cried out with a final push, her eyes fluttering as a warm liquid oozed from both sides of the strap-on. As you were filled up, your body tensed and your clench tightened around her girth. You threw your head back in pleasure as her thickness surged through your walls and her hands clung to your waist.

Exhausted, you let your naked body collapse onto hers as you both laid there, cockwarming the strap. You remain still for a few minutes, allowing your breaths to slow down.

When your heart rate became slower, you placed your hands on either side of her head and slightly lifted yourself up, gazing down as she blearily opened her eyes. Her cheeks were flushed, glistening with sweat, and her lips quivered.

“I told you not to cum yet,” you said in a low and husky voice.

“I’m sorry,” she answered sheepishly, unsure of what else to say.

You reached out and ran your hand gently along her cheek, then lightly stroked her lower lip with your thumb. “I want you to clean me up,” you said as you moistened your own lips, making it clear that this was not a request but rather a statement.

Shauna despised how Jackie would boss her around, making her feel like a lapdog, a mere sidekick. It truly got on her nerves. However, your self-assuredness and the way you confidently took charge aroused her. You were instructing her on what to do, yet you also empowered her to carry it out in her own way. You were guiding her, yet she felt in control. And she absolutely loved it.

Your lower body rose until the faux penis was entirely out of your pussy, cum dripping from it. You crawled upwards on Shauna’s body, until your legs were on either side of her face, and your glistening wet pussy and thighs were facing directly at her. The lack of experience evident in her eyes. 

"Don't worry, I'll walk you through it," You tried to give her some assurance, letting her know you would help her out. Her body seemed to ease up under your words.

She took the lead and embraced your thighs with her hands, pulling you closer as her hands stroked your thighs. You responded by pressing your hips downward and settling your pussy over her open mouth. And her lips immediately began to kiss your cunt passionately with open-mouthed kisses, taking in every inch of your wetness.

With each kiss, she seemed to become more confident, pushing her tongue further into you as she ran it up and down with long strokes. Her hand moved from your hips to cup your ass, pulling it closer to her mouth in between licking sessions. She expertly explored every inch of you with her tongue, leaving you breathless.

Not long after, she began circling your clitoris with the tip of her tongue, sending shivers down your body. "Fuck Shauna," you moaned out, "you're so fuckin’ good at this," you said, making her moan at the praise. You pushed your pussy impossibly closer against her mouth, wanting more of her lips and tongue against your clit. The vibrations of her moans cursed through your clit like electricity, making it spasm with need. You grabbed the back of Shauna's head as she lapped hungrily at your most sensitive spot, crying out as the orgasmic energy built up inside of you.

Your body quivered as the orgasm finally hit you, and your grip on Shauna's hair tightened further with each wave that crashed through your being. You gasped for breath as the pleasure raced through, until finally it started to ebb away. She released you from her grasp, but not before giving one final kiss to your still quivering inner walls.

After the bliss of your orgasm finally subsided, Shauna pulled away and looked up at you with a satisfied smile. "Was that good?" she asked timidly, her voice husky from exertion. You could only nod in agreement, completely overwhelmed by the intensity of it all. 

Without a word spoken between you both, you shifted and laid down beside her on the bed. You snuggled against her body and watched as she slowly undid the strap around her waist and slowly pulled it out of her pussy. Her breathing gradually returned to its steady rhythm as she laid the strap on your nightstand.

Once you had finally calmed down, you reverted back to your usual sarcastic demeanor. "You were better than I expected," you joked.

"Fuck you," she replied, playfully nudging your arm.

"No, but seriously, you were amazing," you said sincerely, turning to look at her and giving her a gentle smile.

Your words made her heart flutter, and just as she was about to respond, you interrupted the sweet moment. "You were good enough to keep me quiet for a while, at least until we meet again," you said, causing her eyebrows to raise in surprise. “What? Don’t tell me Jeff makes you feel this good,” you remarked, staring at her with a serious expression.

"Of course he doesn't. He lasts like 3 seconds and then falls asleep," she replied with a chuckle, causing you to burst into laughter.

"Of course he does," you replied, both of you laughing at his expense.

Silence fell between you again as you lay side by side, finding comfort in the quietness, both of you gazing up at the ceiling. Shauna turned out to be nicer than you had initially thought; she was growing on you. Despite the complicated situation with Jackie and your brother, which had led you to think of her as a bitch, you realized she was actually more reserved than you had assumed.

"Hey," you spoke up, catching her attention and making her turn to look at you once more. "Do you want to stay the night?" you asked shyly, "It's already pretty late," you explained.

A faint blush tinged her cheeks, barely noticeable, as a fluttering feeling returned to her chest.

"The pizza arrived an hour ago. We can watch a movie and finish the whole box before Jeff wakes up," you suggested, a mischievous smile crossing your face. "He'll get so pissed," you chuckled at the thought.

She laughed too. "Sounds good, I'm in," she replied, giving you a gentle smile.

[d0wnb4df0rf1cm3n]

you're on your own kid.

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You had a rough childhood, what with an absent father and a piece of shit mother. When a family dinner goes wrong, how do you stop your brain from spiraling? How do you convince yourself you're not alone? A certain blue-eyed, metal-armed avenger, of course.

Word Count: 3.3K

Warnings: Eating Disorders/Weight Related Talk, Blood, Injury, Kinda Self Harm, Child Abuse [PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THESE TOPICS MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE!!!]

Author's Note: I don't really know what this is. Sorry, I've been MIA for so long. Not my best work. Sorry.

You squirmed in your seat, fidgeting with your sleeves. It was awkward being at home after so long. You hadn't been home for four years almost - and it had probably been even longer since you'd sat at this table. Your mother sat across the table from you - her gaze heavy on your head. Heavy is the head that wears the crown, your brother had joked.

He was sitting next to you, his knee gently brushing against yours. A placating movement. He was trying to keep the peace - enjoying the first meal that you had had as a family in a long while. You don't know what it was that made you seek them out. Maybe if you had waited a week, you would have thought about the facts, rather than the feelings. Maybe if you had waited a week, you wouldn't be sitting here with the weight of the world on your shoulders.

You sat in silence, playing with the food on your plate. Your mother was of the almond variety, weighing out plates before passing them around the table. You didn't have much to talk about. Things hadn't ended well the last time the two of you spoke.

Your brother chimed in with the odd question - 'How's your gardening coming along, mom?' or 'How's the new job, sis? What's it like working for the Avengers?'. You'd humour him until your mother's disapproving stares became too much and then you'd shut up. He'd give you a sad sort of pitying smile, before returning to his food.

Dinner was long - even it was less than the traditional three courses. Your brother packed up some extra food, and took it home - he only lived about a half mile away so it made sense for him to go home. You made to go with him but your mother insisted you stay with her. "I made up your room, just the way you like it."

You doubted it. But you smiled anyway and hugged your brother tightly. He whispered that 'you would be fine' and 'it's only one night' and maybe for a second you believed him. As soon as he left, you headed to bed, claiming that 'The trip was long, ma, I'm super tired.'

The look on her face screamed that she didn't believe you. But she waved you good night and headed to the kitchen to find her favourite bottle of scotch.

You opened the door to your childhood bedroom to find it almost the same. The pink walls and bedcovers were suffocating, the blinds drawn shut to create this overwhelming feeling of being trapped. You were. Trapped.

You took your jumper off, laid it over your vanity chair, and jumped onto the bed. It was comfortable, but lying there staring at the ceiling brought back all the horrible memories you tried to suppress. Diet pills and weighing scales, small plates and vomiting, screaming and crying, sirens and hospital bills. Tears streamed down your face as curled up onto your side.

It was almost midnight when you heard your mother walk up the stairs. You knew she was drunk - her steps were loud and out of sync, and the bottle in her hand frequently tapped the banister as she tried to stabilise herself on it. You half expected her to keep walking, cross the landing, and fall dead asleep on her bed.

Instead, your door creaked open and you came face to face with her. Her glassy eyes were rimmed with red - she'd been crying too. Her eyes raked over you and suddenly you wished you'd never come back at all.

"Such a shame," she whispered, "You could have been so much more."

"Ma?"

"You were always... the best. The prettiest. The skinniest. You could have been incredible. Instead, you are... nobody."

Her words cut deep but you tried to ignore them. You were somebody. You worked for the Avengers, you were a top-level agent for SHIELD. You helped save the world.

"I tried my best. To help you. But you were ungrateful," Your mother stalked closer, her sadness giving way to anger, "conceited, convinced that you could be anything more than what I made you. But you were wrong. I created you. Without me, THERE IS NO YOU." She launched the bottle at your head and it shattered at the wall behind you.

She kept screaming, but you tuned her out, slipping off the bed and grabbing your jumper and keys. You ran past her, shoving her hard as she tried to grab you and ran out to your car. She watched you go screaming abuse after you, telling you to 'never step foot inside her house again.' You weren't planning to.

You drove like a madman back to upstate - traffic was pretty light considering the ungodly hour. You parked haphazardly - Tony would probably murder you for it in the morning but you couldn't find it within yourself to care. You trudged upstairs, footfalls far too heavy for someone is literally a superspy, but this was your home. You weren't running from anyone in here.

You were so stuck in your own head that you didn't realise that Bucky was sitting in the living room, watching as you walked into the kitchen. He'd heard your footsteps and he was worried. You never walked that heavily.

"Everything ok, doll?"

You looked up at him, not registering a word he said. He stood up and walked over to you, fingers reaching up to stroke your face.

"You good?" He whispered, his forehead almost touching yours.

You pulled away from his touch, even though your body was screaming for you to collapse into his open arms. "Yeah, Buck, fine. See you in the morning for training." You stepped past him, heading for the stairs.

"Yeah, doll. See you in the morning."

The morning came around far quicker than you'd hoped. You had barely slept, tossing and turning all night, your mother's words ringing through your head.

Eventually, you realised it was a futile effort. You might as well get up and be productive. You found yourself in the gym just as the sun came up, face to face with a heavy bag. You clenched your wrapped fists before shaking the sleep out of your system.

Your hits were precise, measured, calculated. If there was one thing no one could fault you for, it was your skills. You were an impeccable agent. If only your mum could see that. You took your rage out on the heavy bag, pouring every ounce of resent in your body into your punches. Sweat beaded on your forehead, the exertion making your breaths heavier and your knuckles sting. You kept punching, time slipping away from you.

You heard the door to the gym open, and someone was talking. Their voice was muted, almost as if your head was underwater. Between the punches and your tiredness, nothing registered in your foggy mind. From the distance you could hear footsteps, getting louder almost as if they were walking towards you.

You nearly jumped out of your skin when a hand brushed against your shoulder. You spun around ready to cuss out whichever stupid rookie decided to bother you so early in the morning. You were surprised to see familiar eyes boring into yours.

"I called your name, you know," Bucky said, his hands moving to rest on your waist, "twice. I even dropped my bag next to yours to get your attention."

"Sorry, I was thinking."

"I can tell," Bucky's thumbs drew circles on your waist, absentmindedly, "Where's that pretty mind been at lately?"

"What do you want, Barnes?"

"I'm worried. About you. You haven't been yourself lately. What's going on?"

"Nothing." You sighed, removing yourself from his grasp, "Missions, reports, meetings. It's tiring."

"Maybe you take a holiday? Try and relax a bit?" You could hear the genuine concern in his voice but you still rolled your eyes.

"Maybe you mind your own fucking business, Barnes? Don't you have other shit to be doing apart from hovering over me?" You grabbed your stuff, refusing to make eye contact with him, and walked out.

"I'm still seeing you for training right?" You hear him call after you, but you keep walking. You let out a shaky breath as soon as you got into the elevator.

He didn't see you for training. Or after.

You'd skipped training in favour of going on a run with Steve and then you had to file a few mission reports. You'd holed yourself up in your office, manila files piling up on the corner of your desk your fingers brushing over the keys with seasoned speed. Bucky had wanted to stop by but given your odd behaviour in the morning, he'd decided against it.

You were glad. You hated that Bucky could see right through you, even when you tried your best to hide it. Especially because you were irrevocably in love with him.

You'd been in love with him ever since you'd started working at the compound. Bucky was one of the few people to notice you and your efficiency. You became one of his preferred mission partners, a fact of which you were very proud. You quickly became one of his favourite people, period, and Bucky even went so far as to blow off Steve to spend time with you.

It hurt you to keep him at arm's length but you knew it was for the best. You remembered what your father told you the night before he left. You're on your own kid. You always have been.

You were given a mission assignment in the evening, with strict instructions of 'wheels up at 0600.' The early pickup time wasn't strange and you were itching to get out of the compound. You packed your bag up, leaving it by the door, and headed to bed.

Another restless night of sleep was the last thing you needed, but you were up and at the hangar waiting for Captain Rogers by 0600. He smiled when he saw you and handed you a coffee. You smiled. Your first real smile since you visited your parents.

"Good luck out there." A voice calls from behind you. You freeze. Bucky jogs towards you both, his eyes betraying his tiredness. Steve's face breaks into a grin at the sight of his old friend. Steve throws his arms around Bucky.

"Don't do anything stupid until I get back," Steve says, his joking tone making Bucky laugh.

"How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you."

You want to smile at the sight of the two of them together but you held yourself back. You walked towards the quinjet, ready to get this show on the road when you hear Bucky clearing his voice behind you.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Onto the quinjet?"

"Not without a hug, you're not." You sigh but trudge down the steps to give him a half-arsed side hug. He pulls you in tight, and whispers into your hair, "When you get back, we're gonna talk. Okay?"

You don't respond, brushing him off and climbing into the jet. Steve follows you in, dropping his bag next to yours, before turning back to wave at Bucky.

"Don't worry, Buck, I'll take good care of your girl."

His girl. That sounded nice. You shook the thought away before elbowing Steve in the sight. Jokingly of course, but he still doubled over for effect. Bucky burst into laughter.

That was the last thing you saw as the door went up.

The mission was hard. Not terrible - no one died, which was a win in your book - but it wasn't fun. Multiple shootouts, car chases, and three hours of hiding in a dumpster later, you were ready to nap for a week. But, alas, Fury had set a debrief at 8 the next morning, which meant that you had - you checked the clock on your microwave - 6 hours at best.

You dropped your bag on the sofa and headed into the bathroom. You unzipped your utility vest, dropping it on the floor. You needed to disinfect it - god knows what had stained that vest. You pulled up your compression shirt, wincing as the flecks of red came into view. You quickly stripped it off, dropping it in the washing basket, before whipping back around. You caught your own reflection in the mirror and tilted your head, taking in your reflection of your body. Your mother's words played back in your head. Maybe your mother had a point.

You quickly shook your head, dispelling those horrible thoughts from your mind. But still, you continued to stare at your body, scrutinising every feature. I mean, sure you weren't as skinny as you used to be, but that's because you had muscle now, right? And the hamburger you had for lunch was a treat - you know for completing the mission? The super important mission that you were on because you are important and you are somebody and you have value and you are someone without your mum. Don't you? And it's ok that you can't see your ribs because actually you have abs now and that's way more attractive. Right? And.. and... and....

SMASH.

Broken glass was shattered all around you, fragments piercing your skin. Your mirror now had a fist-shaped hole in the middle, from where your sadness had quickly bled into anger.

You cradled your bloodied fist in your hand, sinking to the ground as sobs racked through your body. Glass dug into your knees as they hit the floor and you curled your hands into your chest. Hurtful 'what ifs' swirled through your head, stealing your breath and making it almost impossible to breathe.

Pounding on your door broke you out of your thoughts. You tried to regain your bearings. It was 2 am. You were in your apartment, the apartment that was miles away from the compound, that you lived in alone. Who the hell would be at your door right now?

You were silent, breath bated as you waited for the stranger to go away. They banged on the door again.

"Doll, I swear to god, if you don't let me in, I'm going to break your fucking door down."

You knew that voice anywhere. The knowledge that you weren't alone, that he was here for you, that Bucky wouldn't make you suffer alone brought new tears to your eyes. Fresh sobs burst from your chest as you tried to move. Glass shards were stabbing into your legs, and one of your hands was bleeding profusely. Bucky, your safety net, was so close and yet so far.

"Doll? Doll, I can hear you. Doll, please, please let me in." You could hear the panic in his voice as he struggled with his conscience. You tried to move but the pain was excruciating. A pained scream erupted from your lips.

A loud bang came from your front door, followed by heavy and fast footsteps.

"Where are you, doll? Come on, just come and talk to me." He said, sweeping through your living room. You whimpered from the bathroom, his enhanced hearing focussing on even the smallest of sounds.

He quickly found his way into the bathroom, his eyes raking over your hunched figure, before flitting to the broken mirror and the shards of glass on the ground.

"Oh doll," he whispered, bending down to scoop you up from the floor. He cradled you gently as he carried you from the bathroom into your bedroom. "What happened, doll? Talk to me."

You looked up at him, trying to figure out where to start. You blanked. You couldn't find a good place to start the story that would cause you the least pain. Your mouth opened and closed a few times with no sound coming out. Bucky rested his hand against yours, trying to reassure you to take your time, but the sound of your wince drew his attention to your hands.

"Doll, your hands." He grabbed your hands gently, peering at your knuckles. They were mauled, glass sticking out of torn-up skin, "What did you do?" He stood up, walking into your kitchen to grab the first aid kit he knew was under the sink. Watching him walk around like he owned the place made some small part of your heart happy - it was almost as if your dreams, your darkest-held fantasies, were coming true.

Bucky kneeled in front of you, placing the first aid kit beside him. He brushed all the glass shards off your legs - luckily none of them had been embedded into your skin. He cleaned any small scratches before turning to your knuckles. The sight of your knuckles made him wince and you started to pull them away. Bucky leveled you with a look that said, let me take care of you. You let him. He sterilised a pair of tweezers and got to work pulling the shards of glass out of your knuckles. You sat in silence for a while, Bucky diligently working on your knuckles, and you watching the swiftness with which he worked.

"Why did you punch the mirror, doll?" Bucky asked after a while.

"I was angry," you whispered, your voice deathly quiet. Now that the rage was gone, all you had left was embarrassment.

"And why were you angry?" Bucky coaxed, his eyes pleading for some answers. He pulled out the last shard of glass before swiping an alcohol wipe over your knuckles and bandaging them up. He packed up all the items back into the first aid box and went to put it away and wash his hands.

You were still sat on the bed contemplating your answer when he got back. He knelt in front of you again, before he rested his hands on your face, "Why were you angry doll?"

"I didn't like it." You whispered, pulling your body away from him.

"What didn't you like?" Bucky's eyes stared into yours and you suddenly felt extremely self-conscious. You tried to remove yourself from his all-seeing, mind-reading gaze, but he didn't let you. He pulled you into his lap, and you hid your face in his neck. His beard tickled your forehead as you nestled into him, trying to seek out the comfort you so desperately needed but didn't know how to ask for.

"Me." You said, your head turned away from him as you stared at your hands.

"What?"

"I didn't like me." Your voice started to shake as you tried to find the right words to tell him the truth, the whole honest godforsaken truth, but you couldn't.

Bucky seemed to read your mind, "It's ok, take your time. We don't have to talk about this today. We can come back to it later, when you're feeling up for it, okay?" You nodded, burrowing further into him, "You wanna sleep?"

You nodded again, and Bucky shifted, wrapping his arms around you so he could gently place you down on the bed. He removed his arms from underneath you and tucked you into bed, gently kissing your forehead as you turned to leave. You whined.

"Pleasedon'tgoBuck-" You mumbled, sleep quickly pulling you under. He smiled, perching himself on the end of the bed.

"You sure you want me to say, sweetheart? Not sure you'll ever get rid of me if I stay?"

"I promise. Never want you to go." You said, clinging to his arm and pulling him back into bed.

You slipped into an easy slumber as Bucky shuffled around in your room. Maybe you didn't have to be on your own anymore.

fin.

[ttoddii]

please,

pairing(s): bada lee x f!reader

cw: angst, very very little cussing, maybe reader is just high idk, bad grammar, lowercase intended.

wc: 1k

summary: you can't seem to get over a certain girl that you had met in your dream.

a/n: once again, apologies for a very messy story because i'm sleepy ;-; and apologies again because i had not been posting as frequent, had been through a lot of things recently. but i'll try to adjust that. lastly, i hope you enjoy this.

you slowly open your eyes, a sigh gently leave your mouth as you sit up. your body have no energy to make any big move right now, redirecting your gaze to take a glance at your clock, still too early, too early for you to feel so disappointed.

nothing. again.

it was heartbroken, no you didn't go through any broke up recently, and no you definitely is living a happy life, having what you need. but god, why? why does he has to torture you like this? why does he has to make you fall so hard in love with someone in your dream?

it was a long time ago. too long. to the point where you barely even remember what was the dream about.

and yet, you can't seem to get her out of your head.

she is a sweet girl, her smile as bright as the sun, her hug make you feel like the sea is gently washing away all your troubles from deep within your soul.

maybe that's why her name is bada.

she told you that. her voice was so lovely, and that seems to be the only memory you have from that dream.

it's funny, and pathetic, honestly. because you can never seem to remember anything, any detail of the dream, and yet you can remember how soft her touch is when it land on your hand, or how pretty her eyes are when you look into it.

a girl that make you helplessly fall in love.

and it hurt, it hurt so bad because you can never see her again. relationships that have ups and downs are great, you really think so, because at least you can feel them, touch them, see them.

but this? you don't even know if she exist or not, but you are hopelessly in love with her.

you wish you could see her, feel her, kiss her, hug her.

you tried, of course, countless time. you would think about her non-stop in the day, hoping, wishing that by the night, when you're deep in your sleep, you could see her again.

but to no avail.

you find yourself helpless in this silly crush of yours. why did you have to like someone that's not real? why is the world so cruel to you?

"i should just stop", you mumble. your hands rub softly against your eyes.

the words are a reminder to yourself that maybe, maybe you should give up.

but what if you still have a chance tonight?

you shake your head, forcefully pushing the thought out of your head. your hands going up to your cheeks to squeeze it gently, attempting to make yourself a bit more awake.

you do like the girl too much, but is it enough to risk having a hopeless cycle that might make you cry days and nights?

no, maybe not. if you continue, you will break.

it's a vicious cycle. a cycle that if you don't fight against, you would succumb to your own heartbreak.

and the worst thing is.

that heartbreak is not even real.

feeling is a bitch, it give you a hint of happiness and then take that same happiness away, even though you hold on to it for dear life. feeling is a bully.

you sigh, your body slowly fall back down to the bed. your eyes open to look at the ceiling, it's still pretty early isn't it? maybe you should sleep more? you don't have plans today, and most definitely not in the mood to wake up yet, your eyes are still heavy and your brain still too fuzzy.

at some point, the heaviness of your heart sink into your bed and you slowly drift to sleep along with it.

"love", a soft voice call out to you as you can feel something touching your face, and you shift, your body move slowly as you open your eyes.

somehow, you're at the beach now, and you could see the stars above your head. your right hand holding up to your cheek to touch someone else hand, and you can feel the slender fingers, resting on your face.

"bada?" you asked softly, your eyes moving to find the source of the voice.

and there she is, ever so gentle, smiling at you. your face shocked as your body shoot up and you turn to look at bada.

her figure sitting down on the sand as she look straight at you, her hair fall down over her shoulder as she pat her hand on the spot next to her, indicating for you to sit a bit closer.

so you did just that, scooting over to her as you try to keep eyes contact,

you're scared, scared that if you look away, bada would disappear.

bada chuckle, she lean back, putting her hand behind her back and use it to support her upper body.

"it's a nice night, isn't it?", she said, her gaze now move to the waves that are slowly moving to the shore.

it is indeed a nice night, a night where the sky is so clear that you could see every stars twinkling above your head, you can feel the chilly air hugging around your body, you can smell the saltiness lingering around, you can hear the sound of waves crashing down, and most importantly, you can feel her sitting next to you.

of course, it's a dream, nothing is real, even this nice night view, even all the things you feel right now, it's not real.

but maybe, just for today, right now, at this moment, you rather enjoy it than stressing it too much. after all, you did wait for this, you did hope for it to come.

"bada", you reach out first, your voice softly as you slowly lay your head on bada's shoulder. it's tiring, really, to keep waiting for a day like this. but you're happy at this moment, you feel content.

you can feel bada sigh softly, her hand move up to give you a head pat, her fingers run through the lock of your hair as you hum. to feel something like this, even when it's not real, make you feel safe.

bada sigh again, and she hold your head up softly, her hands cup your cheeks as she look at you in the eyes.

"please, darling, move on, without me." bada said, her smile so soft that it's like a stream of warm water just poured through your heart, and yet, so bitterly.

so so bitterly.

and once again, you open your eyes.

[argisthebulwark]

Like Real People Do

summary: Whether it's for protection or social necessity you need a husband. He's your first choice, but falling in love was not part of the plan. (marriage of convenience trope) gn reader, no pronouns or yn used feat: Farkas, Vilkas, Brynjolf, Teldryn warnings: very brief mention of blood/injury, brief nightmare scene

"Of course." Farkas agrees without a second thought. The friend who laughs off all your worries - he's never failed you before and he won't now. "Just don't expect a fancy proposal on such short notice." Marrying Farkas isn't too hard. You practically choke on butterflies when he stands before a Priest of Mara and pledges himself to you, words dripping with sentimentality. You'll get to keep the family property and he gains a home away from Jorrvaskr - it's a win for you both. It's terribly easy to fall for him. The little crush you've harbored since childhood becomes harder to ignore. It isn't helped by the sickeningly domestic habits Farkas adopts; a kiss on your cheek when he's leaving for an assignment, late nights spent in front of a crackling fire, his hand on your back when you're both in the kitchen. You bite your tongue but gods, it gets difficult. It's hard to laugh it off when he jokes about finding you a proper husband, heart aching when he bids you goodnight and shuffles off to another bedroom down the hall. No sense in ruining a good thing, you tell yourself, gazing at the broad expanse of his back. Your comfortable life comes crashing down when Vilkas returns alone. He tells you that something wrong, that nothing went to plan, but you cannot hear him over the waves of terror. Days of promises and apologies fall on deaf ears. They can strategize all they want - your heart cannot bear another moment without him. You should have told him. Guilt threatens to choke you - would he be safe if you'd told him how desperately you love him? Would he be a bit less reckless if he'd known? Boots crashing against wooden floors. Doors flung open. Vilkas barks orders and your heart is in your throat. His armor is shredded and old blood is dried across his chest but he's here. Farkas is tripping across Jorrvaskr and hands you know so well clasp your face, a quick kiss enough to leave you faint. "Sorry I worried you." Farkas mumbles against your lips and you cannot hold it back any longer. "I'm in love with you." You blurt the words out, terror chilling your blood. A short burst of laughter is all you hear before he's kissing you again, thick arms dragging you entirely against his body.

Vilkas seems constantly prepared for you to admit that it's all been one long joke. Even when his hands clasp yours in the temple of Mara there's an odd reservation in his expression you've never witnessed, a shyness he'd never exhibited. "It's not like it has to mean anything." You explain, though the twist in your gut says others. "It's these damned inheritance laws! I couldn't let the family farm be sold off -" "Stop talking before I reconsider." Sharing a home with him is odd. Not bad in any sense, it is just strange to see Vilkas so dressed down. You're allowed a view of him you're fairly certain no one else has gotten before - hair tied back and face scrubbed of war paint, armor tucked away and wearing a loose sweater. It's difficult to look at him - your husband - and not fall a bit more in love with him each time. "You're staring." Vilkas frequently interrupts your train of thought. It sets your cheeks aflame and you quickly whirl back to whatever task you'd been ignoring in favor of gazing at him. His presence is quiet but Vilkas continues to surprise you. Over the months your worries are quelled as his belongings are slowly shifted from Jorrvaskr to your home. A coat rack near the door overflows with cloaks and sheaths he's collected and his books are squashed next to yours on every shelf. Days off are spent lounging on your couch or following along through all of your duties, his hand hovering near your arm on rainy days. Teeth the size of your forearm growing closer with each second. You try to run but your legs move too slow, arms pumping as if you're moving through mud. You try to scream but choke on the thick layer of smoke. Talons close around your middle, scales scraping along your bare skin and god it hurts so bad, the beast's hide is burning - Gentle hands shake you back to reality. Orange light spills in you struggle to breathe but he is here, brown eyes flooded with worry. Sweat coats your back when Vilkas wrenches you across the bed, shaky fingers combing messy hair away from your face. "You're alright." Vilkas grumbles, tucking you close to his chest. The horrible memories felt so awfully real but Vilkas' presence forces them into the past, the cool metal of his ring a comfort while he rubs calming circles over your back. "Just a nightmare." He doesn't spend another night in the guest room. You tell yourself that it's for his peace of mind, surely he'll mutter something about losing sleep due to your nightmares any moment. The air is thick with tension when you slip into bed with Vilkas, expecting a lecture and finding nothing but soft hands drawing your head onto his chest.

You should've known better than asking him. Brynjolf's grin makes you consider rescinding the desperate plea and trying to find some other way out of your predicament. There's got to be a better option, right? "'Course I'll be your fake husband. We can head to the temple right now if you're ready." Too easy. You've prepared talking points in anticipation of his arguments - never did you expect him to simply agree. "Nevermind, I'll figure something else out -" "Too late, love." Nimble fingers raise your hand to his lips, a dramatic kiss placed along your knuckles. "Best wear something nice if we're gettin' hitched." There had to be a better option, right? Sure, your parents have been on your ass about your future and you'd rather die than admit to being a leader in the Thieves Guild, but is a husband truly the best distraction you could offer them? And is he the best choice? It's annoying how good he looks in fine clothing. Brynjolf's voice overflows with false adoration when he stands before your family and vows his life to yours, green eyes so intense you don't dare break eye contact. Goosebumps appear over your skin when he cups your hands. He's selling it too well, for a brief moment even you believe he's madly in love. Even more obnoxious is how good he is all of this. Regaling your family with carefully edited tales of your exploits together as adventurers, an affectionate hand on your lower back or a stray kiss on your cheek. You aren't sure why your blood is heating so much but you're desperately regretting your choice in fake husband. "You're too good at this." You mumble, teeth grinding against the urge to lean into his touch. "You asked for this, love." There's something unreadable in his eyes when he stares back at you, the low pitch of his voice sending a shiver up your spine. "You wanted a distraction, right?" Luckily, your family doesn't visit too often. Brynjolf's teasing comments are easy to handle around the Flagon but each time a holiday approaches your gut tightens. Soon, parents and siblings will descent upon your home, leaving you with no choice but to seek your husband once more. "It doesn't have to be this way, y'know." Brynjolf murmurs late one night. Sharing your bed with him feels dangerous - the rest of your family slumbers down the hall and without their overbearing presence you're alone with the annoying man who makes your heart do backflips. "What do you mean?" You mumble, trying and failing to sound bothered. "We could be - I dunno," from across the bed his fingers find yours, sending little sparks of excitement up your arm. "We could be somethin', right?" Against your better judgment, you cannot deny his words - you could be something great.

"Seems like too good of a deal." Teldryn leans back in his chair, arms crossed and drink ignored. You can't see his eyes behind that damned helmet but can feel the way he assesses you, trying to sus out whatever you're hiding from him. "What do you get out of this?" "Hopefully a discount on your fees." For a beat you're terrified he'll reject you. He studies you a moment longer before letting out a sharp bark of laughter and one ungloved hand smacking at yours. "You've got a deal." Over time, your trips to Skyrim become more manageable. Your chest no longer tightens with anxiety when Gjalund leads the ship into Windhelm's docks. Teldryn's arm loops easily around your shoulders and and carries your pack from shop to shop without a single complaint. You still hear the whispers your title always brings but thank the gods, folks are no longer prying into your personal life. No meddling parents join you mid meal to pitch their child as the rightful spouse to the Last Dragonborn nor do Jarls hint at available property in their Holds. With your husband at your side you get a taste of what's evaded you since that awful day at Helgen - a normal life. "Speak plainly - why did you ask this favor of me?" Teldryn's dry voice sends your heart into your throat. "You're the Dragonborn, I'm sure you could have anyone you want." "That's the problem." Your voice wobbles but you owe him honesty. Dark eyes watch you without judgment, the low orange light of sunset illuminating the tattoos curling over his cheeks. "I can hardly breathe anywhere I go. People want my help or offer their sons and daughters up to be the Dragonborn's spouse. Lords and Jarls want the bragging rights of the Dragonborn choosing their town to settle down in. None of them seem to realize I am a person." "Ah, spoiled for choice." Teldryn chuckles, falling onto your bunk. The ship pitches and send him rolling into your side, a flush in your cheeks when he doesn't move away. "You know what would solve all those issues?" "Hm?" Teldryn's chest is pressed to yours and his hand curves around your jaw, thumb tracing along your lips. You cannot help but stare at him, fully anticipating some awful joke. "If you got yourself a husband." He smirks and your fingers twist into his tunic ready to shove him to the floor. "Tel." "A real husband." "You offering?" "Could be." He's so close it hardly takes any work. Just one little shift and your lips brush, noses bumping briefly before his hand guides your mouth against his. You know that you are falling all over again when his little chuckle against your lips sends your heart ramming against your ribs. "Still seem like too good of a deal?" You mumble, elated by his body pressing impossibly closer to yours. "Kiss me again and we'll talk."

[triviallytrue]

Were there Russian Chaos Agents on tumblr in 2016?

First things first:

Things I got wrong in earlier posts on this:

@ms-disinformation didn't identify these accounts ahead of time, this blog started posting in 2019 and is focused on accounts that are likely to be bot-run

Relatedly, the accounts accused of being Russian state actors were accused of being trolls, not bots - they were almost undoubtedly human-run

Tumblr didn't announce the mass ban of these accounts until several months after they did it - they banned the accounts in fall of 2017 and announced them in March 2018.

What actually happened?

The Internet Research Agency is a Russian company accused of creating fake social media accounts to attempt to influence the 2016 presidential election in favor of Donald Trump. On March 23, 2018, tumblr posted a list of accounts they claimed were linked to the IRA that they had terminated the previous fall. On November 16, 2018, they posted a second list of accounts given to them by law enforcement of other IRA-related accounts (unrelated to any election interference) that were also terminated.

How did tumblr identify these accounts?

tumblr has been extremely vague about the methodology used to find these accounts, but we do have another source: the Buzzfeed News journalist who wrote about the termination of these accounts back on February 6, 2018 (over a month before tumblr's post) identified them by cross-referencing tumblr accounts with twitter's list of IRA-affiliated accounts, finding similar or identical usernames and profile pictures.

Unfortunately, this only kicks the can further down the road - how did twitter identify these accounts? These sites don't want to reveal their methods, but this study offers some insights into the behavior of these accounts and possible tools used to identify them.

Why should we believe tumblr's narrative?

There are a lot of reasons I'm convinced that tumblr is being honest with us about this, the simplest of which is that they don't have a good reason to lie about this. tumblr nukes accounts all the time without disclosing its reasons - if they wanted to get rid of an arbitrary list of accounts they dislike, they could do that and none of us would know. They deleted these accounts months before posting any explanation at all, and the only backlash they received was in articles like the Buzzfeed News article above slamming them for not talking about the Russian troll problem, instead of accusing them of terminating activists.

It's also not like this is some tactic that tumblr has employed frequently - the list of IRA-affiliated accounts has been untouched since 2018. This was a once-off, not part of any organized strategy to suppress certain types of posters.

Moreover, tumblr users with similar post content were left untouched, including many that reblogged heavily from the IRA accounts - the Buzzfeed News article identifies one such blog (alwaysbewoke) who posted more or less the same type of antiracist, pro-Sanders activism (albeit without the eventual support for Trump) who wasn't deactivated.

It's also worth noting that the IRA is a real company and not a US boogeyman (even if some subsection of liberals use the phrase "Russian bot" as such) - recently, the leader of the Wagner group came forward and confirmed that he founded it and still finances and runs it, and he's relatively direct about the fact that it was used to interfere in US elections:

“Gentlemen, we interfered, we interfere and we will interfere,” Prigozhin said in November, one day before the US midterm elections.

Finally, and most convincingly in my opinion, no one behind any of the over a hundred accounts on the tumblr IRA list or the thousands on the twitter one have come forward in the past six years to claim that they were wrongfully associated with the IRA and banned as a result.

Isn't that fascinating? Can you imagine what a story it would be, if social media sites were not only terminating activists but lying about why they were doing it? Do you think that not a single one of these hundreds of alleged activists thought of calling a sympathetic journalist, showing them their US driver's license, and asking them to a run a story? What about messaging their old mutuals, or making a new account, or finding a federated platform that won't delete them on sight? I can't find a shred of evidence that any of this ever happened, and that's pretty telling.

The funny part is, there's no real evidence that these accounts ever achieved anything, and indeed, reasons to doubt that they did. They operated in preexisting echo chambers and circulated mostly true stories with a specific slant to them, with the occasional dash of outright lies. Certainly, it's hard to argue that they were less reliable or more biased than your average Fox News article. But arguing that they weren't Russian propaganda seems pretty difficult.

[vxperorchist]

3 words, 8 Letters.

Kazuha, Alhaitham, Tighnari, Cyno, and Childe x Gn! Reader.

Saying "I love you" for the first time in the relationship.

Im going through a hardcore fluff phase right now, when this phase ends prepare for a soul shattering angst piece maybe .

Warnings: Tiny bit of arguing in Childe's part.

Theme: Fluff!

Kazuha

He said it first. Kazuha has been wanting to say it for a while, and he's not afraid to speak his mind. He wasn't scared that you didn't reciprocate the feeling, he was struggling with timing. He struggled to find an intimate time when it was just the two of you.

The two of you had called it a night, you were curled up in his bed, waiting for him to accompany you. Kazuha was taking his time writing, something he did frequently.

He eventually finished and crawled into bed with you. You rolled over to face him, smiling as he laid a hand gently on your neck. He observed your face, he had seen it a million times and never once got tired of it.

You cupped his face and kissed him gently, laying your head on his chest afterwards. "On days like these I find myself falling helplessly in love with you." He whispered.

Alhaitham

You said it first. The two of you had been dating for quite a while, the phrase had never been that significant to him. The two of you were very mature, and kept your relationship private.

You had thought about saying it to him for a while, purely to see how he would react. You knew your relationship was complex, it was fragile too. That's why you didn't rush to tell Alhaitham that you loved him.

You were in his office for a minute, talking about akademiya business. You never lingered too long around him in public. The two of you acted like you almost didn't know eachother.

You turned to leave his office, stopping in the doorway. "Oh and by the way Alhaitham, I love you."

Tighnari

You said it first. Tighnari planned on saying it to you, but you managed to beat him to it. You said it by accident too, making it quite the joke for a while.

You two were patrolling the forest, (it was meant to be a fun activity to walk through the forest together, but Tighnari always turned it into work.)

You were holding his hand, and he stopped to check on a few plants every now and then along the trail. However, this time he stopped at a beautiful flower. It was a beautiful orange, fading to pink at its tips.

He rambled about the flower, he told you where you could find it, how it only blossomed at a certain time of year and so on. You couldn't help but admire him, how he spoke so confidently and looked so good doing it.

"This is why I love you Tighnari."

Cyno

He said it first. Cyno over thought those few words so badly. He was so confident in his ability for many things, but romantic things were not on that list.

He was a hopeless romantic, but he tried. He really did love you, which is why he told you so first.

The two of you were hanging out with Tighnari that day, both of you walking back over to the desert. You did most of the talking along the way, talking about anything and everything. "Oh to be loved like Tighnari loves his plants." You joked, getting no response from Cyno but a puzzled look.

"I love you like Tighnari loves his plants."

Childe

You said it first. With that being said you didn't mean to say it when you did, you didn't want to say it first, and nor did he want you to.

You understood Childe's field of work. Did you agree with it? No. However you could put up with it for him. You loved him and that's what mattered to you.

Childe came back to you with more injuries, some getting increasingly worse. "For the love of the gods, would you please be more careful?" You asked, almost demanding as he was standing in the doorway in front of you. "Stop lecturing me for doing what I'm ordered to do. You knew what you were signing up for, if you're so upset about it, why are you still with me?" He shot back, unintentionally raising his voice.

"Because I love you." You whispered, barely loud enough for him to hear.

(He apologized repeatedly, showering you with attention for the rest of the night.)

[anghraine]

I got a comment a few days ago (which I'm too lazy to dig up, sorry, esp since its argument is made so frequently) about how Faramir's rejection of the Ring vs Boromir's fall is basically insignificant because he(Faramir) was around it for a brief time while Boromir had to resist it for a protracted period. I've seen that point made a lot, but I'm not convinced tbh.

For one, even if you only consider in-story details, it typically ignores the increasing strength of the Ring over time as it approaches Mount Doom. Faramir didn't have to face a protracted temptation, but he did have to face a more powerful one than Boromir ever did. How the length of time vs intensity compares is pretty debatable, but it's a factor.

But the dismissal of the contrast also just seems a plain resistant reading that ignores (or denies) the treatment of the two incidents by the overall narrative. You can do that (and probably should at certain points), but I think it's important to be upfront about it. The narrative of LOTR pretty blatantly treats Boromir's and Faramir's differing responses as indicative of their underlying characters and not simply a difference in length of exposure etc.

I don't think this is an indictment of Boromir's overall character; he's definitely a heroic person in general (much as Isildur was—the Ring's warping of heroic characters is a major aspect of its function and tragedy). But to argue that Boromir's fall has nothing to do with real flaws the Ring was able to exploit or that Faramir's rejection says nothing significant seems such a rejection of the narrative treatment that I'm just—nah.

And I am a Faramir stan, so my opinion might be suspect, but I do like Boromir a lot. And his fall to the Ring and reclamation of himself after make him much more interesting to me, personally and thematically, than he would otherwise be. Denying its significance to the function of his character and what the book is saying about attitudes to war etc is just ... blah.

Also, this is more headcanon, but I think it's important that in terms of the writing process, Tolkien came up with Faramir after Boromir's fall. Boromir's account at the Council revealing that the vision/riddle came first to Faramir and more often, with the clear suggestion that Faramir was the primary intended recipient and Boromir an acceptable replacement in the long run, was very deliberate. If there's no meaningful difference in the Ring's effect on them, then the reason for the preference for Faramir and active incorporation of him into the dream account becomes a bit baffling.

But the thing is, not just considering Faramir's rejection of the Ring but his overall character, I do think he would have been more suited to the stealth and grinding strain of the Ring than Boromir.

(Yeah, there are some plot complications w/ the alternate scenario, but I think those are pretty easy to overcome and far from an "all would be DOOMED, the dream-sender must have really intended for Boromir to be the one in the Fellowship" scenario.)

Basically, they are very different people, and in the canon scenario, the Ring reveals these differences in ways that are actually important to their characterizations and the concerns of the novel.