#I'm continuing my last year's new years resolution of reading one book a month

[bronzewool]

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir is the first book of The Locked Tomb series about, “Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted gothic palace in space! Decadent nobles vie to serve the deathless emperor! Skeletons!”

Set in a world where a 10.000-year-old immortal Necromancer rules over nine planets, lead by nine houses who practise a different branch of necromancy, Gideon Nav belongs to the Ninth house, a death cult forever sentenced to guard the locked tomb of the immortal Emperor’s greatest enemy. Gideon is not a member of the Ninth House, but an indentured servant who has made 86 escape attempts over the years to no avail.

One day the Emperor invites each of the Great House heirs to compete in a series of trials to become Lyctors, immortal necromancers and the Emperor’s right hand. Each Necromancer can only bring a sword-wielding bodyguard with them, and unfortunately for the reverend daughter of Drearburhr, Harrowhark Nonagesimus, after her chosen cavalier abandons his post, Gideon is the best swordswoman they have left.

The story takes place in the Canaan Mansion of the First House, where our two main leads meet the other House Heirs and their cavaliers, given little to no instructions by the elderly priests who reside within the mansion about how they are supposed to gain immortality and are given free rein to go into any room that is not locked. Harrowhark is more than happy to face the trials by herself but quickly learns that each room requires the necromancer and cavalier to work together to obtain a key that will unlock the next room.

Things go south very quickly though when one of the Houses is found dead and the book becomes a murder mystery where the Heirs cannot contact anyone outside the decaying mansion until the trials are complete, and uncertain if there is a monster hiding somewhere in the manor or if one of the other Houses is trying to get rid of the competition...

Gideon the Ninth is a charming gothic horror story with a lot of sarcasm and pop culture references. Gideon is a good-hearted, but crass, sunglasses-wearing swordswoman, who loves flexing her biceps and reading porn mags. Harrow the Ninth is a skull-face-painted nun and necromancer prodigy, the last of her bloodline, hoping to achieve Lyctorhood to rebuild the Ninth House to its once former glory, and has hated Gideon’s guts ever since they were kids.

Classic enemies to lovers.

Confined to the First House for the majority of the first book, we learn very little about the larger universe but get a feel for this culture and its relationship with death through the Nine Houses' interactions with each other. The only downside to this setting is that it’s very easy to forget this is a sci-fi series since all the characters are isolated from the comforts of home and no one has any sort of electronic device that could help them get in contact with the outside world. No one carries a gun, everything is done with magic, the mansion is ancient in design, and all the servants are animated skeletons. Hopefully, we visit other planets in the next book.

There was a point in the story where I was wondering why any of the heirs needed a bodyguard when it's made very clear their magic can easily overpower the average person. Other than the heirs not wanting to get their hands dirty and Harrow desperately needing someone to talk to, I couldn’t figure out their purpose in the trials or why one of the conditions for becoming a cavalier was that they are only allowed to carry rapiers when many of the bodyguards are not suited what that kind of blade, especially Gideon who was trained to wield a two-handed sword. There is a payoff for this later and it's genius when you figure out why.

Limiting the story to one type of magic system also expands on what you can do with the subject. Harrow is the most traditional type of necromancer we’re familiar with; able to summons hordes of skeleton armies to do her bidding, but other branches get very creative with the concept. There is a house that can manipulate dead flesh and body tissue, another house that can commune with dead spirits, and a house that can read the energy signatures of objects and draw in that spirit energy to power themselves. Each house tackles the trial in different ways and there is political drama over what they see as disrespectful or acceptable.

Great series. Great first book. Great twist ending. Did not see it coming. Can’t wait to read book 2.

[deedala]

🎇 Happy New Year Friends!! 🎇

From the Diary of Virginia Woolf: January 2, 1931: Here are my resolutions for the next 3 months; the next lap of the year. To have none. Not to be tied. To be free & kindly with myself, not goading it to parties: to sit rather privately reading in the studio. Sometimes to read, sometimes not to read. To go out yes—but stay at home in spite of being asked. As for clothes, to buy good ones.

For today's return to WTW, i thought it might be fun to celebrate the ways in which we survive and manage to find peace and happiness in our one precious life here on Earth. And so...

-----------------------------------

✨W e e k l y 🌟 T a g 🌟 W e d n e s d a y✨

Name: Deanna 🌱

Location: oHIo🌽

Astrological Sign: Scorpio 🦂

What's a TV show or movie you plan to re-watch this year? obvi i'm in a constant state of re-watching shameless but otherwise right now im thinking maybe some bob's burgers, some futurama, austenland...

Whats a book or fic you will probably re-read this year? ooohh you know...the usual suspects tbh: cooperative gameplay, itqd, faffy, love is a ballfield, none the wiser, the menagerie... AND...*IF* DA4 is gonna actually come out soon I'll probably re-read my fav stories from Tevinter Nights!!!

What is a song you will likely continue to play on repeat? uuhh right now its still chappell roan's whole album and hozier's unreal unearth. im sorry for cheating on my own question and basically naming like 30 songs lol

What's a tasty treat you look forward to eating more of this year? i dont think i managed to eat enough chocolate chip cookies last year, i should eat more. also i haven't had an andes mint in forever??? need some of those STAT. oh my god i totally missed out on girl scout cookies last year too!!!

What's a time sink that you will continue to sink time into this year? scrolling tumblr ofc!!!

Did you pick up any habits in 2023 that you plan to continue? not really?? maybe kind of reblogging my own posts more and trying not to feel bad about it??

What's your toxic trait? leaving petty little thoughts in my friends DMs while they're sleeping 😛

What is a coping mechanism you will continue to indulge in this year? ✨disassociation✨

Tell me something you like about how you look! my skin has been pretty nice lately, good job skin. (do you guys remember that old vine of the broken toy that would just say "sssskkiiiiinnnn" when squeezed?? i remember lolol)

Give me at least three adjectives describing things you like about yourself. loyal, generous, thoughtful

----------------------------------- Now for tagging nuggets: additionally I want to thank @mybrainismelted and @jrooc for helping me with this post!! @michellemisfit @mmmichyyy @darlingian @too-schoolforcool @juliakayyy @gardenerian @heymrspatel @heymacy @gallawitchxx @metalheadmickey @mickeysgaymom @thisdivorce @transmickey @tanktopgallavich @lingy910y @suchagallabitch @shippergirl121fic @the-rat-wins @thepupperino @energievie @callivich @lee-ow @purplemagpie @sleepyfacetoughguy @softmick @vintagelacerosette @sam-loves-seb @crossmydna @creepkinginc @suzy-queued @rereadanon @iansw0rld @milkmaidovich @sickness-health-all-that-shit @palepinkgoat @auds-and-evens @ardent-fox 💖

[morrigan-sims]

resolution tag

I was tagged by @lazysunjade and @salemssimblr. Ty both!!

What's your resolution for your simblr?

To post at least a couple of story posts this year!! I haven't made any progress towards making new ones since I posted the last ones, but I'm determined to get story posts out this year, even if it's only one or two. (I'd love to do at least one a month, but I know that's not going to happen.) Aside from my story, I want to continue working on my editing and keep getting better at that and having more fun with it. I love editing, and I love seeing what I can do.

What do you want from The Sims franchise?

Frankly, I want them to be done with ts4. Leave it to the modders to fix it. Let the perma-paywallers head over to the next sims game. But I know that's not going to happen. I'm tired of updating my game, and things being broken, and shitty mediocre packs coming out for a game I don't even actually play. But even if I did, the packs aren't worth it.

Any other New Year's resolutions?

I've never really been one to make them, seeing as I never follow through with any self-imposed goals or deadlines. I need external pressure in order to get anything done. (Hence why I never post my story, despite desperately wanting to progress with it.) It would be nice to beat my 57 books I read last year. (although seeing as I literally only read when I was home from college, I'd say 57 is pretty good.) Oh, and more importantly, I would love to actually write some stuff for my non-sims writing projects. Maybe finally get my shit together and decide on characters and do some worldbuilding for my "high fantasy wip" project. And ofc, I want to keep playing DnD and see how my characters grow! I'd also love to give DM-ing another shot this year, because despite how chaotic and sometimes stressful it is, I do love it.

I'm not gonna tag anyone, but if you want to do this, feel free to say I tagged you!

[tsaritsa]

tagged by @fullmetalscullyy, @firewoodfigs and @littlewitchbee for the greatest hits of 2023. ty all for the tag!!! i admit, it did take me a little bit to think of 10 diff things that i found good, so a new addendum to my usual 5 new years resolutions is to make a point of noting down these good things, lest they be lost to the ether like the others haha

my beloved eri came to visit me and it was such a joy to welcome her into my home and just talk and gossip. we got to feed penguins!!! i got to show her the milky way!!!! we got drunk and watched hunger games with emma. i'm so blessed to have friends that are so dear i want them to come crash at mine and i want more of these sorts of things to happen (as best we all can in a cost of living crisis lmaooo).

speaking of friends, i'm pleased to say that i was able to grow my small group of friends -- online and off -- to slightly-less-small! y'all know who you are, and i'm grateful to each and every one of you <333

i got a lot of tattoos. they're dope. my artist is like my tumblr feed personified. she just Gets It.

i built my own pc!!! it was a very scary and intimidating process, but she runs baldurs gate 3 like a CHAMP. (anything for my astarion).

i successfully finished nano, and now this month i'm basically doing another nano as i try to finish up this new fic. i cannot believe that i've broken 100k words and i'm STILL not done. maybe with a 150k draft i'll have a story in a coherent plotline (doubtful. i waffle a lot. rip moobeam who promised she'd edit it for me).

i've also gotten back into reading fiction a little more seriously -- entirely because of emma, but i am very grateful for her reccomendations. there's a few of us doing a bookclub and i cannot wait to have a discussion this month when we're all at the halfway mark!!! it's gonna be lit.

in other real life stuff, i worked really hard to build up my savings. hopefully 2024 will bring more money to me, or at least i'll get a better handle on my spending. (she says, despite booking flights and holidays HAHAH).

part of that ethos was investing in pieces of clothing/accessories that would stand the test of time, and i want to continue these kinds of purchases into the new year. i think the next big purchase for me will be a replacement pair of leather boots -- my current ones are getting towards the end of their life with the inner sole.

despite working full time, i also completed two seperate courses for study! one was directly related to work, but the other was for purely personal pleasure: an introductory course for tikanga māori. the next step of the tikanga course wasn't avail for me this year, so instead i've signed up for night classes for te reo māori instead. i want to incoporate more reo into my work and feel more confident in conversations, so this was a natural step. i've also got another work-related course on my plate too, so i will be a very busy bee for 2k24 hehe.

in 2023 my health had to take a bit of a backseat but in the last few months i was able to get back on top of it! this year is already off to a great start for me: i'm getting back down to a more comfortable weight, my strength is still improving, and my mental health and sleep hygiene are feeling more... within my control??? i've sorted out my priorities a bit there. turns out living on 4 hours of sleep on the regular isn't healthy lmfao

tagging @beesbeesdragons, @mountainhaunt, @liquorisce, @soufflegirl, and @dairogo -- only if y'all want to!

[cartograffiti]

May '24 reading diary

This month, I finished 16 books, mostly quick cookbooks and graphic novels!

I started May by listening to a very unseasonal full-cast audiobook of E.T.A. Hoffmann's original The Nutcracker and the Mouse King. When I was a child, I read a lot of different text adaptations of the Tchaikovsky ballet adapted from this story, but only realized I'd never read the original when a friend got me to read Hoffmann's squarely horror story "The Sandman" a few years ago. This was creepier than the ballet story, though clearly written for children, and I'm very glad to have gotten around to it.

K.J. Charles, author of a large number of romances I'm a fan of, put out her first mystery A-plot novel, Death in the Spires. I think it's a good introduction to her style if you're not a big romance person, and I think it was the right call for this plot to prioritize the genre elements in this way, but I also have found her B-plot mysteries more exciting. No problem, I liked it a lot, and it has a lot of juicy thoughts about justice as distinct from the law and how trust is earned or lost. Gay disabled detective.

Two sports romances: You Should Be So Lucky, a sensational 1960s baseball player/magazine journalist relationship, meditating beautifully on the fear of failure and on grief. One of the mains was in a long-term relationship with someone who has died, and I think this is the best widowed romance character I've ever read. Sebastian is also just fabulous at taking a tour of a made-up person, full of small details and slice-of-life stakes. I've read all her books and will continue to; I like her particular approach to historicals and her ability to make queer happy endings distinct and individual. M/M.

The other sports romance I read this month is The Boxing Baroness by Minerva Spencer, which I only mildly enjoyed. Unfortunately I don't even have any real criticisms, I just very simply didn't click with Spencer's style on a sentences level, particularly in sex scenes. Your mileage will vary! There is a lot of really enjoyable bits about the hot honorable love interest thirsting over how strong and cool he thinks the heroine is, and he's right. This is definitely worth trying if the basic premise of woman boxer Regency is your thing. Wait, I do have one plot criticism--this would have been stronger without the epilogue. We didn't actually need to meet [historical figure redacted]. M/F.

Graphic novels--I used to read Chelsey Furedi's Rock and Riot when it was coming out as a webcomic, and I was excited when her follow-up, Project Nought, was suspended soon after launch because of a book deal. Unfortunately I somehow missed it when the book actually came out in 2017, and only when Heartstopper sent me on a nostalgia trip last month did I realize I could read it. I wish I had read Project Nought when it was new! A lot of the sci-fi plot no longer feels futuristic even 7 years on, although the core twist is just fabulous. There isn't enough of the interpersonal depth that shines in Rock and Riot, the villain plot resolution is a bit too easy for the YA market, and overall I just wouldn't pitch this as more than pleasant.

The rest of the graphic novels, far more than pleasant, I read volumes 8, 9, 10, and 11 of Witch Hat Atelier by Shirahama Kamome. This was a good batch to read close together, as they all deal with the events of the same festival. Unfortunately I have to wait for my library to buy the next to see the resolution, but that's how manga goes! I loved a lot of what's happening at this point, with some fabulous milestones in the Coco-Agott friendship, lots of good moments from my favorite of the adults (Olruggio), and continuing to push down on the question of forbidden magic. Shirahama brings in both strong cases of things that deserve to be banned (glasses that let you see through people's clothes, not treated as remotely funny) and things that...maybe don't. I really cannot tell what ethics resolution might be end-game, which is very exciting.

Cookbooks! My lovely mother surprised me with a copy of an 80s book I'd been looking for, Vineyard Seasons by Susan Branch. I wouldn't exactly call her style pastoral, but I've seen her rediscovered a bit by cottagecore, Ghibli-esque, and related aesthetic bloggers. If that kind of romantic daily life artwork appeals to you, you might like her books as much as I do; every page is full of Branch's watercolor paintings, sometimes ornamental borders and sometimes illustrations of the sights of her home in Martha's Vineyard. I read and re-read her books just to linger over the pictures, but almost every recipe I've tried has been a winner.

I also borrowed a whole bunch of cookbooks of literary-inspired recipes. I went through two by Alison Walsh (A Literary Tea Party and A Literary Holiday Cookbook), which were disappointing; they draw from a pretty small range of books, and rely a lot on food coloring to fit the themes. Meanwhile, The Mystery Writers of America Cookbook (ed. Kate White) has a really wide range of difficulty level and approach, only some of them inspired by fiction. Each recipe was contributed by a different author, making it fun in the same way that church and community cookbooks can be, but I don't have any wish to own this, either. I have two others still to look at. (And I already own some I do recommend, Kate Young's Little Library cookbooks and Tim Federle's literary cocktail books.)

More nonfiction: DK Publishing's really insubstantial small coffee table book Banned Books, which didn't have quite enough text (I shouldn't have finished any entries unsure on what grounds they were banned/challenged, and did), but some pretty vintage covers (and not enough of those either).

Really great, with loads of pictures and thorough text: The Big Reveal: An Illustrated Manifesto of Drag by Sasha Velour. I was first aware of gender-fluid queen Sasha Velour as an illustrator and zinester, and in many ways they're the reason I was first interested in drag performers. This book doubles as a history of drag and a personal memoir of Velour's experience with it, and I enjoyed both equally. The history is well-researched and thoughtful, and the memoir is generous and self-aware. And it has some of their comics!

And I'm still reading Dorothy Dunnett's Lymond Chronicles at about one per month. I finished Pawn in Frankincense in May--lush and devastating and funny and infuriating and completely absorbing. Still not a series I would recommend to everyone, and still one I'm so glad I'm reading at this exact moment, when my emotions can go through the juicer and not feel scarred afterwards.

[veliseraptor]

January Reading Recap

Slower month this month, mostly because it took me forever to read one of these...

Kingdom Coming: The Rise of Christian Nationalism by Michelle Goldberg. I mentioned this one at the end of last month's recap post - specifically that it was published in 2007 and that I expected reading it to be an experiment. I was right and spent a lot of the time reading @ameliarating quotes that were just sort of excruciating 15 years on. It was a great overview of the growth of the Christian right and expansion into politics particularly during the Bush years; I really wonder what Michelle Goldberg would say about the subject matter now. If you're interested in the interactions between Christian evangelists and U.S. politics, I do recommend this one despite the fact that it is, inevitably, dated.

Beneath the Stairs by Jennifer Fawcett. January sort of ended up being the month of mildly disappointing horror, which isn't exactly new for me but is still sad. This was probably the second-best of the three I read but ultimately still just came up as "meh, okay, I guess." I can't point to anything wrong with it, and it wasn't that the conclusion was unsatisfying or anything, I think I just found it underwhelming and unexceptional.

Dead Silence by S.A. Barnes. I want good space horror with all my heart; this wasn't it. Basically a rip-off of Alien but with a worse resolution. I'd say the first half of the book had me going because despite being an Alien rip-off it was still quite spooky, but ultimately I just came out of this one wishing it were at least 25% a different book.

Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer. This is an old book that came up for me again for...some reason, I honestly forget what brought it up? I remember seeing it on my parents' shelves growing up. I read Missoula by the same author some years ago and remember being very affected by it. This book is the author's account of the 1996 disaster on Mount Everest that killed a number of hikers and generated some controversy (and about which I knew very little); he happened to be on the affected expedition as a journalist planning to write an article about the commercialization of Everest climbing. Reinforced everything I already believed about (a) nobody should climb Everest and (b) big mountains are terrifying.

Making History: The Storytellers Who Shaped the Past by Richard Cohen. This was the book that took me forever to read, and my search for a nonfiction book about historiography that gives me what I want continues. I wanted this book to analyze how history has been written over the years, and how different approaches to history/schools of historians have impacted historiography, but this ended up feeling more like a survey of historians past (and often their personal foibles). It was much lighter on the analysis or depth of investigation of its subjects than I would've liked it to be, probably as an inevitable consequence of its scope.

I feel like my issue with it can be summed up by the fact that there was an entire chapter about the feud between two British historians that was much more about their personal exchanges than going into their contrasting approaches and what those approaches meant/mean for the writing of history and the way we understand it.

Little Eve by Catriona Ward. I liked The Last House on Needless Street better, I think, though this one was very interesting in its own way; I'm not sure why it didn't click with me, but I suspect because I thought I was going into a different book than I ended up going into. I think the book I ended up with is a better one, but it meant that there was some internal dissonance over the course of my reading.

I think I actually do recommend this one, though, tentatively. Not in a "everyone should read this" sort of way, but in a "this is an interesting work and I'd be curious to hear more peoples' thoughts on it" sort of way.

I just started reading How the Word is Passed: A Reckoning with the History of Slavery Across America by Clint Smith after bouncing off The It Girl by Ruth Ware about five pages in. I'm not giving up on it, but I clearly wasn't in the right frame of mind for it right this minute, so...it can wait.

Tune in next month to see if I've found a new horror novel I like yet.

[thedavesnews]

Resolution Copy Pasta 2024 Edition

I'm late to the party this year. Kind of got away from me really. Seems to be par for the course as each year passes. It was a big year full of things not on my resolution list like marriage and a trip to Europe. More over, I fell in love with France and French which might be the most unexpected thing possible for me since my 2nd language was always Spanish. Who knows though, as Therese and I travel and I pick up more languages I could find another yearning. A single week in a foreign land just isn't enough.

That is for a different post...you're here to see how bad I did keeping promises to myself...

2023 Results

Continue running the Disney races in 2023. Just keep on running! --Check and this year I added 5k with my wife and SIL.

Get consistent with working out. Now or maybe never. --Was doing so good keeping the miles going but fell apart in the final quarter of the year after Space Coast.

Sustainable diet for as much of the year as possible. --Did well for a bit and like most things just lost track of the goal

#SixPackDave…full on ground rolling laughter. --I just leave this on the list to hurt myself annually.

Read 52 books.  Setting this again (tomorrow on Goodreads.com). Barely made it to 70 last time and wasn't always catching the content so I'm drifting back down a bit. Still doing it just more reasonable. --Read 53. 52 feels like a sweet spot I can hit but also gives me time for other content.

Go for a new PR.  Current half-marathon PR if 2:18. --No PR, this was a survival year.

Pick one of my novel ideas and stick with it to get a 2nd novel review ready. Either that or at last full storyboard one of the unfinished. Progress of some kind. --I have several in progress but nothing publishable.

Do some writing prompts.  Tumblr is full of them, let’s have some fun this year on the blog!  Yep, repeating this one too. --Seemed like a fun idea but I only remember Tumblr exists for big events like NYE, Cinco de Mayo and trips to other countries.

Stream again. I miss chat. --I still miss chat.

Get at least 2 technology certifications (PowerApps and TBD). Went through the material for Power Platform. Just need to prove I know it. --I'm building a new service for my team but I'm not a great test taker.

2024 Resolutions

Dopey.

Find workouts that appeal to me enough to get them on regular rotations.

Sustainable diet for as much of the year as possible.

#SixPackDave…laughing but sighing too.

Read 52 books. 

Get my half marathon time back under 2:30.  Current half-marathon PR if 2:18.

Get a 2nd novel review ready and/or start a serial to peak interests.

Try a writing prompt. I follow a group that posts many that have been pretty interesting. Short ones can spark some other ideas.

Stream or post videos again. I really miss chat.

Get another full year streak on Duolingo as well as get all the badges for each month. Become the polyglot.

Travel somewhere new. This is cheating because I've already booked a cruise to Central America :)

Take technical certifications tests. I hate tests but I go through the learning material so smoothly.

Become a regular at my nearest LGS for MTG and Lorcana events.

-Dave

bonne année/feliz año nuevo

[kelleah-meah]

My Goals for the Year of the Rabbit

So now that the "real" new year is finally upon us, I feel like I can actually capture some real plans for the forthcoming trip around the sun. Although, truth be told, I have been struggling a bit this month, so I really needed that buffer to get my thoughts together and assess what I may and may not be able to accomplish this year.

Last year was not at all what I hoped it would be, and if I'm honest, this year is looking to be quite a doozy thanks to some serious health issues I'm currently dealing with. So it's hard to make any realistic plans.

But at the same time, I don't feel like my real self if I don't make any plans at all. I need that semblance of structure if I hope to maintain my sanity, if you will. So here we are. Or should I say ... here it goes.

Here are my resolutions/plans/goals for 2023 or the Year of the Rabbit ...

Become more comfortable appearing on camera (photos and video) 🎥📸

2. Join a writer’s group or writer’s circle ✍🏽

3. Sign up for life insurance 🛟

4. Set up a budget that allows me to pay down my credit card debt substantially 💳

✅ 5. Have necessary surgery 🩺🩻😷

6. Reorganize home office (purge file cabinet, buy new desk, etc.) 🖥️🗂️🗄️

7. Create an exercise regimen that I can follow before and after I finish recovery from surgery (the goal is to lose 10-15 lbs. and exercise 3-4x per week) 🤸🏽🚴🏋️

8. Improve my conversational Spanish through local weekly newspapers, apps and TV shows 🇪🇦

9. Continue shadow work and art therapy projects ���🏽🖌️🎨

10. Set aside “Me Time” for 1 hour each week for self-care activities (coloring book, journaling, jigsaw puzzle time, dancing around the house, reading a book or fanfiction, scrapbooking, etc.) 🕊️

11. Plan for multi-day vacation trip in 2024 (Montreal, Boston, or elsewhere) 🧳

12. Take a one-day road trip to Princeton, the Hamptons, Cape May, or Salem, MA 🚙

13. Build a 72-hr emergency kit 🦺

And this year's overall theme:

Do Less. Live More.

[nuri148]

10 things for 2023

Thanks for the tag, @wanderlustqueen-writes! Never been one for New Year resolutions, but here we go!

A fic idea you want to write (or read): I want to continue (hopefully finish) my WIP, Clarity, and if I do maybe get into a Royalty AU I barely started to draft a few months ago. I would also like to add some to my arumika series.

A place you want to go: Japan!!! It was supposed to be in '22 but between post-pandemis restrictions and family stuff it just wasn'rt feasible. I will have to see if I can get days off work outside vacation season as that's also typhoon season in the land of Totoro, so going there in summer is not a very sound option.

A book you want to read: The ones I bought in 2022 and haven't touched? My reading habits have changed so much since the internet arrived - too many screens and too few books.

Something fun you want to do: Afternoon Tea in a fancy place. We have a short trip to London planned for the summer and I totes want to have that experience.

Something you want to make: Handcrafts. I love it, but usually have so little time and space for it. There are these project I've had for years, I have everything I need to make it but never find the right moment.

A habit you want to start: I utterly suck at creating habits. I want to get back on eating healthy and not like a pig to ditch 5-6 kg by the summer (I'm literally eating a chocolate as I type this). Doing more for the house too (my dear Levi would run away in horror if he came here).

Something new you want to try: I would really like to fly in a hot air balloon. That's something my husband does not want to do so the logistics are complicated. Someday though.

Something you want to finish from 2022: At the beginning of last summer I bought a sundress, but the straps are not made for hobbits too long so I measured them and marked them for cutting, and... never did. So yeah, that. And my fic.

Something you want to stop doing: Procrastinating like a champ. Wasting too much time on the internet.

Something you want to keep doing:  Writing, and hanging out with the nice weird people here in Tumblr. :)

Tagging @lucysarah-c, @bryhaven and @your-lavender-dreams if they want to play!

[mercurygray]

Happy New Year, everyone!

I'm not usually one for resolutions, but I did a few last year (exercising regularly, book club) that were helpful to me, so I'm marking my creative ones down here.

From a creative space, here's what I'm looking forward to in 2022:

I am going to continue the pattern I started last year of trying to publish a new chapter of TDS once a month. This worked well for me as someone who both dislikes but needs deadlines.

For Valentine's Day (February 14th) I ran a small writing exercise called Blind Dates, where writers took a few days to come up with a concept for a new Original Character in their fandom of choice and write one to two thousand words introducing that new character. Eight people participated last year, and some of the characters created even lead to some new fic being written, which was great! Mark your calendars for that.

2021 was also a year for a lot of really nifty collaborative fic for me, and I decided this week I wanted to share that joy with others.

In June (exact date TBD) I'll be running another exercise where you write something featuring a friend's OC (and yours, too, maybe, because crossovers are great.) I found it to be a really great way to re-examine who characters are to other people, and it's a fun way to introduce a character you enjoy reading in a new light.

NPR's Life Kit, a podcast I came to love last year, did an episode recently on starting an exercise routine, and their four points start with a very simple one: All movement counts. And from a creative perspective, all writing counts, too! I'm taking a bit of a step back on Thirsty Thursdays this year, but that doesn't mean I won't open my inbox from time to time.

What are you resolving to do in the new year?

[thoughtfulfangirling]

January 2021 Books

I tend not to come to dislike or hating things very easily. Generally, the things I try, I can find a lot I like in them and go with the flow. I feel like it doesn’t make me very good about recommending things because I’m not too picky once I get invested in things, but here are my takes on the books I’ve read this month. (I can be super picky about what I pick up in the first place, but once I overcome that and get a foothold in something, the above applies.)

Anyway, belatedly, here’s last months reads and blurbs on my thoughts under the cut (long)

1. A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J Maas

I somehow didn’t realize this was YA. It has the plot simplicity I’m used to seeing in YA but it definitely got darker and more sexual than I would have expected for the genre. I actually rather appreciate this series for that reason. It did some things alternatively I didn't expect and was quite delighted by it. Fantasy, romance (f/m), fairies, light political intrigue (setup for book 2), etc.. I have since read book 2 and would have caveats about this depending on who was interested.

2. This is How you Lose a Time War by Amal El-Mohtar & Max Gladstone

This was amazing! A quick read of poetic language and dark love across sci fi warring factions. Primarily told through a series of letters exchanged back and forth between protagonists and focused on the characters.

3. Sparrow Hill Road by Seanan McGuire

What a great ghost story! it's told a lot like a series of short stories that come together into a winding narrative of a ghost's journey through the roads of America. Heavily American mythology vibes. Fascinating world building, intriguing characters, and beautiful message and arc. I'm thinking I might pick up more from this series in October. I got pointed in this book's direction due to how the way the book is structure feeling like a great depiction of trauma and how things get segmented and out of order and intangible, and it was just a really neat book. Would definitely recommend.

4. No Visible Bruises: What We Don’t Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us by Rachel Louise Snyder

I’ve now read a fair amount on the topic of domestic abuse, but they have largely focused on the individuals involved, and while this book does pick particular individuals as an example of extreme DV, this book zoomed out and looked at this problem from a broader perspective, talking about stats and looking at environmental and systemic factors. It’s a dark book that gets heavy and dissects sensitive situations but didn’t feel like it failed to humanize the issue, sometimes more so than a reader may expect. I definitely found it an insightful and interesting read. It’s the first book in quite a long time that was a physical book I held in my hands. I expected I might struggle too much between it not being audio and being nonfiction, but I moved through it quite quickly.

5. Her Royal Highness by Rachel Hawkins

This was a re-read. It’s a cute little wlw class romance. I think I read it in 2018, and it was fun to revisit. It’s a quick read with some enjoyable characters, and for those who do audiobooks, some cute accents. 

6. The Magician’s Assistant by Ann Patchett

This was a beautiful story about grief and the way our connections open us up to new possibilities and changes in our lives if only we’ll reach out grasp them. It’s a slow paced story, functioning mostly in the internal monologue of our protagonist dealing with the loss of the man she’s loved and the things she comes to find out she didn’t know about him. 

7. Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

This was another reread, doing a chapter an evening with Empty. It helped so much to listen to this a second time between being able to see the pieces put down and not listening to it at such stressful times and in such a fragmented way. I love how it is somehow a puzzle, a haunting, and a journey of growth in an old relationship that seemed doomed to fail in so many ways. Plus I love big, sarcastic, sentimental butch disaster Gideon so goddamn much. XD 

8. Labyrinth Lost by Zoraida Córdova

This was very enjoyable, but I can definitely tell that I’ve outgrown a lot of YA. It’s not that there’s anything wrong these stories-I would have loved to have grown up with this book-it’s just that it lacked a complexity I’m getting used to and that I look for in these stories. I’m so glad though to be seeing more writers of color writing experiences and characters more like them getting attention in the literary world, and I will continue to find reading these stories worth it to get glimpses into that, but I wish I saw more of this sort of hype for these writers around more adult books. It’s out there I’m sure; I just have to find it yet. Working on it! But for a YA reader I think this is a great story. I like the worldbuilding so much and the costs of the magic and the journey. I might still have to check out book two when I need an easier read. 

9. Well, That Escalated Quickly: Memoirs and Mistakes of an Accidental Activist by Franchesca Ramsey

I’ve been holding onto a hard copy borrowed from a friend of this for well over a year now. I got this book around the same time I got my hands on So you Want to Talk About Race and thought they were going to have very similar contents. I was incorrect. Well, That Escalated Quickly is much more about what it means to have a popular online presence. It was a really great read in a time when being online is, right now, for many of us, the only consistent way we can interact with others. I really appreciated her sharing her stories of her mess ups both as someone who needed to be called out and as someone who, for a time, was considered a ‘call out queen’ and her thoughts on community responsibility and bearing responsibility on both ends of those spectrums: it’s not just a person who messes up who bears a responsibility to act with community goals in mind to reduce harm, but also the responsibility of those who call out and when and how those might look for most effectiveness for change, personal wellbeing, and community responsibility. (The term community responsibility I’m using probably comes more from Conflict is not Abuse than this book, but I could very well see this book being a great primer for Conflict is not Abuse and might rec this to someone not yet ready for the later.) 

10. A Court of Mist and Fury by Sarah J Maas

This book was a roller coaster. I started off really excited about some ideas and themes it was exploring that I don’t really see done hardly ever and was really intrigued. About a third of the way through, it did something that I felt very much undermined one of the themes I was enjoying a lot, and up until the very end, I was very close to deciding against reading book three. At pretty much that last minute though, it intrigued me enough to want to see how a thing would be played out and a resolution would be found. I don’t even know if I’d say I super liked the book and thus series by the time I was done reading this one, but I was intrigued. Sometimes I get the feeling the author doesn’t trust her audience and spells certain things out way too much, sometimes to the detriment of the plot, and I’m really not a fan of the ‘so totally outclassed, all odds staked against the heroes’ thing that’s pulled in this book that comes out of nowhere and when this time we actually have powerful characters but here we are. I don’t think I’d actually recommend the series to others unless I knew their tastes aligned well, but I think I will be finishing it. 

[alldrinkingaside]

THE RESILIENCY OF RECOVERY ACCRUED

I identify myself now as an alcoholic in long-term recovery. Strong, resolute, unwaveringly committed to continue on this sober path, helping others where and how I can. This is how I spend my days. Decades of less than minimum wage pay as a waiter and bartender do not a mogul make. Advertising Coordinator at a Casino (1988) was my last 'real job' before my long, slow and painful alcoholic descent. A small advertising agency I co-owned, which disbanded a few years before that, did little to add to my Social Security benefits 30-some odd years later.

My short stint at what was then Merv Griffin's Resorts International Casino & Hotel ended when higher-ups insisted upon my seeing a therapist to discuss my problems with alcohol. Steeped in denial, I quit and immediately started a full-time food server position rather than face up to my alcoholism.

Recurring emergency room visits evolved into two short stretches at what was then the Atlantic City Detox. Eventually beyond their resources, the hospital arranged for my first real Rehab Hospital in Lakewood, New Jersey.

"When I first got out of Lakewood Hospital's rehab wing, I wore the plastic patient's I.D. bracelet for three months. That bracelet was my Scarlet Letter and my Red Badge of Courage, ever reminding me that I have a sickness, an illness, an identity that I could not change, that I am an Alcoholic Forever. One of my forever's would have to be that I would have to change if I were to remain sober. I did not know it then, couldn't have known it, but that plastic I.D. bracelet was like my own personal 'Serenity Prayer'* incarnate, unspoken, felt, neither consciously known nor understood."

The point I'm making here is that sobriety is so very fragile, and I was so very empty and lost when I first got sober that very first time. Multiple relapses would follow, but that patient's I.D. bracelet comes back into my consciousness often, reminding me of the road I had to travel before I eventually found sustained sobriety and an identity of my own.

That bracelet was the only thing I owned at that time because even the clothes on my back were really the gift of the Atlantic City Rescue Mission where I lived until I could scrape together enough money for a single room in a boarding house.

Today, I know that "nothing matters more than we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more."

One of my many, many mores is my memory of the plastic bracelet essential to saving my life as a symbol of change and hope. I discarded my old life and with help was brought forward to this new, vibrant and doable, durable life of recovery. Like that bracelet, I would have to learn a certain plasticity as I was bent and pounded into a new shape, transitioning from an alcoholic in his cups to a sober being who yielded to the permanent resiliency of recovery.

"And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through... You won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about" - Haruki Murakami

That's more than good enough for me, the resiliency of recovery accrued.

*****

*The "Serenity Prayer" by Reinhold Niebuhr reads, in part, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."

*****

#Alcoholism #Addiction #Recovery

*****

With the exception of the "Serenity Prayer," passages in quotes are excerpted from ALL DRINKING ASIDE: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO

Find 7,300+ Recovery Tweets here: http://twitter.com/JimAnders4

Also, check out my NEW Non-Fiction, BECOMING UNBROKEN: Reflections on Addiction and Recovery 

(Find it on Amazon, Book it here): https://lnkd.in/dkF767RT 

[hardwarevent]

2022 Resolutions

Well hello again! Looks like this has now become a new year's resolution blog for a now-30 year old dude. I'm typing this on my phone from the guest bed in my mom's house, with my girlfriend hanging out here with me. This year has been... a year! Boy howdy. I mean, it's actually gone somewhat smoothly for me all things considered, but things have been getting pretty tumultuous in the US from a political and economic perspective. There's this thing where like, 30% of the country believes that the current president is illegitimate (factually false), and the states whose constitutents mostly believe that are pushing through laws to restrict voting and maybe even change who gets elected to office if they disagree with who it is? Very scary stuff! It might end up getting nasty, and may end up with some real fascist stuff happening very soon. I think the fault is kind of at a structural level with, like just how the country is set up, so I'm thinking about maybe moving away from the US sometime soon. But yeah, They're really ramping up the general ambient difficulty of life in general all around, except if you are rich and white.

Speaking of rich and white, my company went through a public offering this year! I now have more money than I actively know what to do with, and given some stock logistics, as long as I stick around at my job for another 6 months or so and the stock price remains around where it is at now, I would have enough money to sort of just retire, and live off of the ambient income that is gotten from the invested money. The amount of money made from that would be a level that would be comfortable anywhere in the world (except maybe the center of really big cities). This has opened up some very personal, existential questions about what exactly I am doing here on this earth. It's a pretty common exercise where people ask "If money weren't a thing, what would you be doing with your life?" And it is a useful exercise, but people might hide behind the hypotheticalness of the whole question and might not really believe their answer, because the likelihood of them retiring would either be far away or just straight-up nonexistant. However, for me, not only is it a non-hypothetical question, it is one that I've been actively asking myself and pondering like a beautiful orb. The time where I will have what the biz calls "fuck you money" and the opportunity to do what I've always wanted to do, whatever that is, has almost arrived. And what is that? Well, I still don't know. However! I have inklings, pieces of a puzzle I still haven't sorted out yet. I would very much like to travel (but might not be able to freely, thanks COVID). I would like to, at some point, get married and have kids. I have a bucket list that, given the amount of money I have, I should just be able to kind of just knock out given a few months of leisure time (which is doable). I have ideas of how this pieces might go together or flow into each other. But that's pretty much it. Well, maybe this is where new years resolutions will come in! I didn't actually set any last year, so I'll take the opportunity to now.

- get down to a healthy weight: this will involve a routine and diet, most likely. My weight has continued to balloon up to the 185 to even 190 range, which is baaaaad. Under 170 is ideal, but 160 is my goal.

- travel as much as I can: i wanna be creative with it! I want to see so many places I've never been, stamp up my passport, all that jazz.

- Read some books: I got lots of books, books are fun, let's read them instead of sitting on my ass and zoning out after work! I also want to keep a list of finished books.

- Learn more Polish: Hard to quantify, but I'd like to get semi-conversationally good. Maybe there's standardized tests I could look at.

- Pick out an instrument and practice it: I like guitar, I like piano, I'd even count FL studio knowledge, or music theory class.

I think asking for more is pushing it in terms of feasibility, so let's stick with this. I think that, through pursuing these goals, I will help that big "what would I do if money wasn't an object" question. But that's all I got for now. So, to all of the people (who may or may not exist) reading this, I wish you a happy, healthy new year, and may all your wishes (and resolutions) come true.

[clumsyclifford]

2, 6, 15, 17, & 21 for the new years asks? -megs 💙

hiya megs!! gladly :)

2. what was the highlight of your year? we actually did favorite part of the year as part of dinner tonight!! my answer was the trip to austin to see my dudes @tirednotflirting and @reveriesofawriter, that was fucking awesome on so many levels. had never been to austin before!! and the aces show!! and everything else!! yeah. so that's my answer. i had another answer though which was the state champs concert i went to, cos i was at the barricade and got the setlist and it was just such a cool fun experience to go to a concert alone. and then also the nats game my family went to in august. those are my top three that i can come up with.

6. what is the one new thing you discovered this year (could be a place/hobby/song etc)? i discovered many things this year! i'm gonna say...concerts. silly answer but true! i had been to three concerts before this year but i don't really remember the experience of the first two, and the atl one was cool but like...i wasn't really a concerts person. in fact i would say i was actively not a concerts person, and now i actively am a concerts person, and that's really cool!! this is a fun development for me as a person. i like concerts. i am in fact willing to spend lots of money on a plane ticket to FLY to a city i've NEVER been to, JUST to attend a concert. bella of 2019 would've never. honestly bella of about six months ago would've never, but i'm a changed woman now.

15. if you could change one thing about the past year what would it be? probably would have tried to save more money. little expenses really add up and i definitely could've cut a lot of costs just by, like, not ordering in or not buying a few things or whatever. going to be a lot more budget-conscious in the coming year! also will hopefully be paid more this summer which will be nice.

17. do you have any new year’s resolutions for the next year? yes! i would like to read five books. and continue my resolution from this year to exercise once a month. and i'm going to set a 200k word count goal. (my wc goal for last year was 150k but i wrote more than twice that amount so i'm upping the stakes a little lol). i think these are realistic and achievable goals.

21. how would you describe your year in a word? i already did this shit and i am NOT coming up with another one but the word i said before was uhhh......what was it. oh, self-aware.

questions for before the new year begins

[pope-francis-quotes]

21st February >> (@Romereports) #PopeFrancis #Pope Francis. Overwhelming testimonies of victims heard by Pope Francis and bishops. These are the transcripts of video testimonies from abuse victims. During the opening of the summit, the 190 participants watched them.

TEXTS OF TESTIMONIES

First Testimony (Man from South America)

First of all I want to thank the Commission for allowing me to address you today and the Holy Father for all the support and help he has given us in recent times.

They asked me to talk about the pain that comes from sexual abuse. Everyone knows that sexual abuse leaves tremendous consequences for everyone. I therefore believe that it is not worthwhile to continue to talk about this because the consequences are evident, in all aspects, and remains for the whole of life.

Instead I would like to speak about myself as a Catholic, of what happened to me and of what I would like to say to the bishops.

For a Catholic, the most difficult thing is to be able to speak about sexual abuse; but once you have taken courage and start telling - in our case, I speak of myself - the first thing I thought was: I'm going to tell everything to Holy Mother Church, where they will listen to me and respect me.

The first thing they did was to treat me as a liar, turn their backs and tell me that I, and others, were enemies of the Church. This pattern exists not only in Chile: it exists all over the world, and this must end.

I know that you are there talking as to how to end this phenomenon, how to prevent it from happening again, and how to remedy all this evil. First of all: false forgiveness, forced forgiveness does not work. Victims need to be believed, respected, cared for and healed. You need to repair what has been done to the victims, be close to them, believe them and accompany them.

You are the physicians of the soul and yet, with rare exceptions, you have been transformed - in some cases - into murderers of the soul, into murderers of the faith. What a terrible contradiction.

I wonder what does Jesus think? What does Mary think, when she sees that it is her own shepherds who betray their own little sheep?

I ask you, please collaborate with justice, because you have a special care for the victims, so that what is happening in Chile, that is, what the pope is doing in Chile, be it a repeated a model in other countries of the world.

We see the tip of the iceberg every day: although the Church says it's all over, cases continue to emerge: why? This is because it proceeds like when you are diagnosed with a tumour: you must treat the whole cancer, not just remove the tumour; so you need chemotherapy, radiotherapy, you need to have some treatment. It is not enough to remove the tumour and that's it.

I ask you to listen to what the Holy Father wants to do, not limiting yourself with a nod of ascent made with your head and then do something else. The only thing I ask of you - and I ask the Holy Spirit - to help restore that trust in the Church – that those who do not want to listen to the Holy Spirit and who want to continue to cover-up, leave the Church to give way to those who want to create a new Church, a renewed Church and a Church absolutely free from sexual abuse.

I entrust all this to the Virgin, to the Lord, so that all this becomes a reality. We cannot continue with this crime to cover the scourge of sexual abuse in the Church. I hope that the Lord and Mary will enlighten you and that, once and for all, we work with justice to remove this cancer from the Church, because it is destroying it. This is what the devil wants.

Thank you.

Second Testimony (Woman from Africa)

Q-What hurt you the most in life?

R- From the age of 15 I had sexual relations with a priest. This lasted for 13 years. I got pregnant three times and he made me have an abortion three times, quite simply because he did not want to use condoms or contraceptives.

At first I trusted him so much that I did not know he could abuse me. I was afraid of him, and every time I refused to have sex with him, he would beat me. Since I was completely dependent on him economically, I suffered all the humiliations he inflicted on me.

We had these relationships both in his home, in the village and in the diocesan reception center. In this relationship I did not have the right to have “boyfriends”; whenever I had one and he came to know about it, he would beat me up. This was the condition for helping me economically . He gave me everything I wanted, when I accepted to have sex; otherwise he would beat me.

Q- How did you deal with all these wounds and how do you feel now?

R- I feel I have a life destroyed. I have suffered so many humiliations in this relationship that I do not know what the future holds for me. This has caused me to be very cautious in my relationships, now.

D- What message do you want to pass to the bishops?

R- It must be said that to love, essentially is to love freely: when a person loves someone you think of their future, of their good. You cannot abuse a person this way. It must be said that priests and religious have a way of helping and at the same time also destroying: they have to behave like leaders, wise people.

D- Thank you very much.

Your contribution will be very significant for the Bishops' Meeting.

Thanks again.

Third testimony (Religious priest from Eastern Europe)

R- I am 53 years old, I am a religious priest. This year is the 25th year of my ordination. I am grateful to God. What hurt me? An encounter with a priest hurt me.

As a teenager, after my conversion, I went to the priest so he could teach me how to read Scriptures during Mass; and he touched my private parts. I spent a night in his bed. This hurt me deeply.

The other thing that hurt me was the bishop to whom, after many years, as an adult, I talked about the incident. I went to him together with my provincial. First, I wrote a letter to the bishop, six months later, I had a meeting with the priest. The bishop did not answer me, and after six months, I wrote to the nuncio. The nuncio reacted showing understanding. Then I met the bishop and he attacked me without trying to understand me, and this hurt me.

On the one hand the priest, and on the other, this bishop who .... What did I feel? I feel bad, because neither that priest, nor the bishop answered my letter, and it's been 8 years and he has not even answered.

What would I like to say to the bishops? That they listen to these people; that they learn to listen to the people who speak.

I wanted someone to listen to me, to know who that man is, that priest and what he does. I forgive that priest from the heart, and the bishop.

I thank God for the Church, I am grateful to be in the Church. I have many priest friends who have helped me.

Fourth testimony (Man from the United States)

Hello,

I appreciate this outreach to survivors of clergy sexual abuse and I am happy to participate in this project.

What has wounded me the most? As I reflect on that question I think back to the total… to the full realization of the total loss of the innocence of my youth and how that has affected me today.

There’s still pain in my family relationships. There’s still pain with my siblings. I still carry pain. My parents still carry pain at the dysfunction, the betrayal, the manipulation that this bad man, who was our Catholic priest at the time, wrought upon my family and myself.

So that’s what has wounded me the most and what I carry with me today. I am doing well now because I have found hope and healing by telling my story, by sharing my story with my family, my wife and my children – my extended family – my friends, and because I can do that, I feel more comfortable with myself and how I can be myself.

Finally what I want to tell the bishops - I think that’s an excellent question: I would ask the bishops for leadership. Leadership and vision and courage. That’s what I respond to, that’s what I hope to see. I have a personal experience of leadership, and how it has affected me personally.

One of my finest memories of Francis Cardinal George is when he spoke about the difficulties of fellow priests who have abused, and I considered those words, coming from a man in his position, even though they must be really hard for him to say, they were the right and proper thing to say.

I thought that was leadership at the time, and I think it’s leadership now. And I thought if he could put himself out there, and lead by example, then I could put myself out there and I think other survivors and other Catholics and faithful people can put themselves out there, to work for resolution, and work for healing, and work for a better Church.

So we respond to leadership, we look to our bishops for leadership, I would ask the bishops to show leadership.

Thank you.

Fifth Testimony (Man from Asia)

I have been sexually molested for long time, over a hundred times, and this sexual molestation has created traumas and flashbacks all across my life.

It’s difficult to live life, it’s difficult to be with people, to get connected with people. I carried an attitude for my family, for my friends and even for God.

Every time I have spoken to the Provincials and to the Major Superiors, they have all practically covered every issue, covered the perpetrators and that kills me sometimes.

It’s been a long time that I have been fighting this battle… and most of the Superiors either because of the friendship are unable to build a catch.

I’ll request the Provincials as well as the Major Superiors and the Bishops sitting in this audience to make strong acts which really put the perpetrator into place. If we want to save the Church, I think the perpetrators need to be given…

I’ll request the Bishops to get their act clear because this is one of the time bombs happening in the Church of Asia. If you want to save the Church, we need to put our act together and get the perpetrators to book. We should not have friendship over here but it is the act, because this act will destroy our whole generations of children. As Jesus always said, we need to be child-like not to be child sexual molesters.

[alldrinkingaside]

THE RESILIENCY OF RECOVERY ACCRUED

I identify myself now as an alcoholic in long-term recovery. Strong, resolute, unwaveringly committed to continue on this sober path, helping others where and how I can. This is how I spend my days. Semi-retired, I still work part-time as a cashier. Decades of less than minimum wage pay as a waiter and bartender do not a mogul make. Advertising Coordinator at a Casino (1988) was my last 'real job' before my long, slow and painful alcoholic descent. A small advertising agency I co-owned, which disbanded broke a few years before that, did little to add to my Social Security benefits 30-some odd years later.

My short stint at what was then Merv Griffin's Resorts International Casino & Hotel ended when higher-ups insisted upon my seeing a therapist to discuss my problems with alcohol. Steeped in denial, I quit and immediately started a full-time food server position rather than face up to my alcoholism.

Recurring emergency room visits evolved into two short stretches at what was then the Atlantic City Detox. Eventually beyond their resources, the hospital arranged for my first real Rehab Hospital in Lakewood, New Jersey.

"When I first got out of Lakewood Hospital's rehab wing, I wore the plastic patient's I.D. bracelet for three months. That bracelet was my Scarlet Letter and my Red Badge of Courage, ever reminding me that I have a sickness, an illness, an identity that I could not change, that I am an Alcoholic Forever. One of my forever's would have to be that I would have to change if I were to remain sober. I did not know it then, couldn't have known it, but that plastic I.D. bracelet was like my own personal "Serenity Prayer"* incarnate, unspoken, felt, neither consciously known nor understood."

The point I'm making here is that sobriety is so very fragile and I was so very empty and lost when I first got sober that very first time. Multiple relapses would follow, but that patient's I.D. bracelet comes back into my consciousness often, reminding me of the road I had to travel before I eventually found sustained sobriety and an identity of my own.

That bracelet was the only thing I owned at that time because even the clothes on my back were really the gift of the Atlantic City Rescue Mission where I lived until I could scrape together enough money for a single room in a boarding house.

Today, I know that "nothing matters more than we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more."

One of my many, many mores is my memory of the plastic bracelet essential to saving my life as a symbol of change and hope. I discarded my old life and with help was brought forward to this new, vibrant and doable, durable life of recovery. Like that bracelet, I would have to learn a certain plasticity as I was bent and pounded into a new shape, transitioning from an alcoholic in his cups to a sober being who yielded to the permanent resiliency of recovery.

Coincidence and a little searching brought me to the illustrated quote, "And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through... You won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about" - Haruki Murakami

That's more than good enough for me, the resiliency of recovery accrued.

*****

*The "Serenity Prayer" by Reinhold Niebuhr reads, in part, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."

*****

#Alcoholism #Addiction #Recovery

*****

With the exception of the "Serenity Prayer," passages in quotes are excerpted from ALL DRINKING ASIDE: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO

Find 7,300+ Recovery Tweets here: http://twitter.com/JimAnders4

Also, check out my NEW Non-Fiction, BECOMING UNBROKEN: Reflections on Addiction and Recovery

(Find it on Amazon, Book it here): https://lnkd.in/dkF767RT