#I'm genuinely unhappy

[queerhellion]

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaggggghh

[hippolotamus]

tagged by the lovely and talented @daffi-990 (new chapter!) @mountedeverest @wikiangela (be sure to check out their things) and various other people through the week. Brain did not wish to write this week, but I put together some unexpected words on a thing that's been bothering me in S7 😅 anyway, have some of Eddie's complicated mental gymnastics. (and I did another lil thing earlier but didn't tag everyone because i know not everyone likes BuckTommy but if it interests you...)

As much as Eddie gave Buck hell about Natalia, about dating someone from a call, he easily categorizes Marisol separately. Because Eddie is good at that, at making different mental compartments for sorting the things he needs to. Things like work (people they saved, people they lost), Christopher (school, growing up, friend circles), his time in the army, family (his sisters, abuela, Pepa, his parents, safe topics of conversation). Even one for himself (father, son, brother, husband, widower, firefighter). Needless to say, it’s an extensive list. A well practiced method that allows him to say ‘Marisol from the hardware store’, not ‘Marisol from the 911 call’, without feeling guilty or like he’s lying.  Other than the convenience of a half truth, he was genuinely pleased to run into her there. She’s pleasant, helpful. There’s something kind of adorable about her overalls and the way her hair is pulled into a messy ponytail. Something that makes her a little less intimidating and a lot easier to talk to. Like he doesn’t have to perform or put on an act. He can just be a guy trying to figure out the right adhesive for his son’s school project.  It’s a nice role to slip into. Easy. Simple. Easier still to justify having Chris there when he calls Marisol to ask her out.  That all comes screeching to a halt when he picks her up for their date. They're only supposed to be going for a casual dinner and movie. He chose a black button up shirt, the sleeves rolled up on his forearms, and one of his nicer pairs of dark jeans. What he considers a respectable yet casual look. Marisol opens the door to greet him and something in his brain goes offline. Not for any of the typical reasons people usually get thrown off. But when has his brain ever acted the way it’s supposed to? It’s not- she’s not unattractive or off putting. Necessarily. But she’s… girly, soft, feminine. Her hair falls around her shoulders, slightly curled at the ends, and she’s applied enough makeup to be noticeable but not too much. She’s wearing a short-sleeved olive green dress that falls to mid-thigh and strappy heels.  Several of the neatly arranged boxes in Eddie’s head, with their partitions and labels, tumble together, spilling and jumbling their contents with another unmarked box full of thoughts he’d like to pretend he doesn’t know exists.

@actuallyitsellie @epicbuddieficrecs @loveyouanyway @a-noble-dragon @tizniz

@fortheloveofbuddie @weewootruck @saybiwithme @bidisasterevankinard @shipperqueen6

@ramonaflow @taketheplanspinitsideways @spotsandsocks @dangerpronebuddie @theotherbuckley

@stereopticons @kitteneddiediaz @mrs-f-darcy @diazsdimples @drowsy-quill

@your-catfish-friend @thekristen999 @filet-o-feelings @underwaterninja13 @lizzie-bennetdarcy

@rainbow-nerdss @steadfastsaturnsrings @queenmabcreates @inell @jesuisici33

@bucksbiawakening @shortsighted-owl @queerbuckleys @bi-buckrights

@elvensorceress @giddyupbuck @hoodie-buck @indestructibleheart @ladydorian05

@lemonzestywrites @monsterrae1 @statueinthestone @slightlyobsessedwitheverything @the-likesofus

@thewolvesof1998 @watchyourbuck @wildlife4life and anyone else who wants to 😘

[asmo-cosmetics]

a lot of the characterization in the arcana is wildly wrong but perhaps the most glaringly obvious bit is that asra would be irreconcilably jealous and heartbroken that he's not the one you want to be with in every other route but especially lucio's (hates him) and julian's (still in love with both of you)

[guinevereslancelot]

decided to leave my job and i'm gonna fr gonna cryyyyy

[look-at-the-stars-tonight]

i would like to stop experiencing the full spectrum of human emotions every day please. putting this out into the universe

[indelicateink]

.

[pacificgasandelectric]

Current Events in Silm fandom rlly reinforce my feeling that, despite claiming an ethos of acceptance/tolerance of anything that doesn't hurt ppl, a lot of ppl in the section of Silm fandom I frequent do follow a set of socially-agreed-upon mores about what concepts are "not acceptable" to discuss or propose (or the ways in which certain topics must be discussed to be acceptable), that you all seem to have agreed on despite the things those mores restrict not being harmful to anyone.

And when someone does say smth that violates those mores, the response is disproportionate to the amount of harm done (which is typically none, imo). I know it's tempting to say "but we just want people to be comfortable and safe", but treating ppl badly for the sin of sharing thoughts you dislike is NOT the same as preventing people from doing things that are harmful. The former is much more of a harmful behavior than the sharing of the thoughts that sets it off. Fannish etiquette, people: you shouldn’t act like someone’s meta makes them morally suspect just because you disagree with it; save the “this is morally bad” for things that are ACTUALLY harmful. We're all stuck on this website together & if you want to have any sort of community, you need to ACT like you're in a community, and that means letting other people say things you dislike. Block them if you need to! I block people all the time because i know it's better for me AND for them if we can both blog in peace.

I am not particularly comfortable with the young-queer-on-tumblr silm fandom rn due to this tendency to rebuke things that are uncomfortable rather than harmful. Maybe that's fine with you. But if your goal is to make all fans feel comfortable and accepted, you need to actually do that. If your goal is to make people who share your unwritten rules comfortable in your space, you need to admit that, and write those rules down, and curate your space so it follows them.

Edited 8:10am PST to clarify the specifics of the behavior I find concerning.

[aq2003]

there comes a beautiful time in life where i have to ask myselg th question, "did i accidentally project too hard onto the character that i only relate to a little bit and in doing so hugely missed this one entire aspect/interpretation of the characters . am i stupid"

[pendragora]

Our fandom whines about the lack of nuance and critical thinking, but then fails to comprehend the complexity of human emotion when it comes to seeing something you like being ruined or executed poorly

[mirillel]

Miscellaneous leftover ramen stir fry

[monster-noises]

I have the Damnably hardest time telling if my art's ever improved it's Comical. Like there's an early enough point that I can look at and go: "oh yeah I've definitely gotten better Since Then" and when I re-do the same image exactly I can Kinda see it but like.. I saw an artist I love on twitter do an "my art at 14 vs. my art now" (which is just around when that time cut off for Clearly being able to see improvement is) and I was like Oh! I have a Character that would make this Real easy! And pulled this up:

and like objectively I KNooooooow the one on the Right is Better, like I know this I can see it with my eyeballs, but also like

is it?

is it reeeeeally?

cause in my head it doesn't Feel like it looks better/any different, like I don't look at that and go "dang! I've come a long way! look at that!" I just go like "hm.. well... I mean yeah I... mmmm I guess I've.. gotten... beeeetter.. you can Kinda see where this is more solid and... oo... (etc etc)" and this isn't me fishing for compliments, it's just... such a weird phenomenon??? that I don't think I've seen anyone else deal with??? like what the fuck is this? is it some weird severe form of imposter syndrome? is it the fear my art Hasn't improved manifest in some strange sideways thought processes??? Was I Cursed as a Child to never be Satisfied by anything I Do???? it perplexes!

[pinktinselmonstrosity]

are we going to talk about how expensive it is to eat healthily because i feel like i'm losing my mind

[girl-drink-drunk]

i think where i'm at, gender and body image-wise, is that i've realized that looking like the pretty girls would make me hate myself less, but looking like bruce campbell or matt berry would make me love myself

[catboytenya]

being a g1 lore lair but loving imps means you need to either forsake your one lore rule that dragons have to be g1 or you have to fork out every dollar you've ever owned

[vaguely-concerned]

Happy healing post-DA:I things for my Hawke and company

because if anyone ever deserved that soft epilogue it's these guys

Hawke giving Merrill a griffon feather from Weisshaupt

Hawke getting a new mabari puppy (maybe also kittens? can we work kittens into this as well?). Hawke and companions playing with and petting said puppy. said puppy falling asleep in people's laps. it dozes off on fenris' head once and he just lies there and lets it with great equanimity until it wakes again. varric and isabela try to teach it wicked grace. it's better at it than anders was.

Bethany can live at home now ;_______; the last of the Hawke family finally getting to actually live in their ancestral home together, after all their hopes and hard work in act one ;_________________________________; she could get married if she wanted to, she could have kids, she could have whatever part of a 'normal life' she feared she never would and her magic, not having to hide anymore ;__________________________________________; (a big thank u to leliana the murderpope my best homie <3)

Bethany bringing some of the apprentices she's taken under her wing and Merrill bringing some of the alienage kids who're in extra tricky circumstances, and the big empty house is not so empty anymore

Hawke training Bethany's apprentices and Merrill's wards in physical combat -- "My father always said that the real trick of magic is knowing when not to use it. Doesn't mean you can't throw a punch about it tho". the kids sometimes gang up on him when they're playfighting and bethany looks on like :') because he pretends to be vanquished & defeated, alas proud warriors your strength combined is too great, in exactly the same way he did with her and carver when they were little

Fenris and Hawke friendly sparring! Isabela watches while drinking rum.

Hawke hanging around the Viscount's office, pretending to be there just to make fun of Varric (and annoy Aveline let's not forget) but actually helping out unceasingly. don't tell anyone tho he has a reputation to uphold as a rich idiot with no day job even though he's been doing every fucking job in kirkwall for like a decade now, ssssh he has to feel like he's still fooling someone

First Wintersend party at the Hawke estate where most of the gang is together again. (My canon always has Hawke send Anders away at the end of DA2 and sometimes there's a romance involved for double heartbreak too so y'know. bittersweet there but at least the rest of the family gets to be together again.) Varric and Hawke mutually pretend they don't notice the other one getting teary-eyed during the dinner because sometimes that's what friendship is

kirkwall book club? kirkwall book club. fenris hasn't gotten to read a lot of books yet, so it sort of starts as people giving him recs, evolves to a covert war among the gang to get their fave books/series read first, and then it keeps escalating from there until they're all fully in it. isabela frequently derails it into friendfiction night.

what if merrill got to do some gardening. huh. what about that. I just think that would be nice.

varric writing some black fox stories just because he knows hawke likes them ;__; (you find the black fox codex entry in DA2 in Hawke's mansion and one of the DLC outfits you can get for them is said to have belonged to him as well, so I like to think Hawke has a weak spot for that Robin Hood/Zoro-esque thing deep down lol it would explain a lot about his life)

just varric and hawke hanging out honestly. varric writing while hawke lounges around in his room. every time he has to name a character or something and gets stuck he throws out the basic concept and hawke provides a name without missing a beat or indeed looking up from whatever he's doing. it's always brilliant or awful or brilliantly awful. varric does his shitty little he he he laugh and/or offers hawke his hand in marriage yet again and goes back to writing. all is right in the world, if only just for a while.

[willowser]

screaming and crying @ the vampire!dabi title.................. early sunsets over monroeville is my fav mcr song of all time and i'm 1) rly happy to see anyone else appreciate it 😤 and 2) being very very Normal™ about it re: dabi also, you are absolutely making us fellow monsterfuckers spoiled for choice with all of these!!!!! thank you so much for sharing your writing with us 🤍

LITERALLY SCREAMING OMG — i know that song isn't about vampires...okay...i know...but !! the vibes of the bullets album is so akfhakrhaka it is...the whole reason i wrote this fic LOL i loved that era for them 🥺🥺 and i wanna write about vampires !!! 🥺 that song is also one of my ABSOLUTE FAVES !!!! we are holding hands and jumping up and down !!!

i'm so excited to share it with you !!! 🥺 to hear your thoughts on him and the lil mess he gets himself into !!! 🥺 ty for being here with me 🥺