#I'm just trying to take responsibility for my actions even if they were unintentional

[wikagirl]

Heya um, I know that some of followers of the @elliehodunk blog also known as James follow me too and probably read about their current situation and I'll be real with you I feel very responsible for parts of their current emotional distress.

I was unaware that the extremely disrespectfull minor that caused them enough distress to delete their previous blog was someone that I had been mutuals with for about a month up until today (28th of may) when I saw them actually being mentioned in the tags of one of the posts about the whole thing as the cause.

I unfollowed and blocked said person as out of respect for James and apologized to them via dms for the damage I feel I have caused.

At first I was not going to tag them in this post because they are currently on a well deserved break from this site and I didn't want to disturb them but since this is about them it felt wrong to basicly...hide it? by not tagging them. I just felt the need to explain why some of this is happening because I feel like I am at fault to some extend at least, how far that extend is is not for me to judge.

But James you are seeing this: hi, I hope you're doing better or at least getting to feeling better. Please tell me if you want this deleted and it will be gone as soon as I see the message, it might be a couple hours tho since we live on different ends of the globe and my sleeping hours overlap with your main activity time. a simple "plz delete" it more than ehough.

EDIT: I feel like I should also add that none of this was done with malicious intent from my end. I personally don't harbour any bad feelings against the person mentioned above, I simply chose to cut ties because I felt it was hurting somebody else I value greatly. They are a minor smack dab in the middle of growing and if you're frontal lobe isn't fully developed yet you tend to do some stupid in hindsight pretty shitty stuff. I sure as shit did too. My actions came to be from me wanting to be a friend and support somebody who I, a at the time total stranger, beared my soul to upon our first interaction and they still chose to be mutuals with me, not a place of hatered.

Thought I should mention that too just in case somebody get the wrong picture from this.

[fanficonly]

Wenclair "Mine" - Chapter 12

"I'm sorry" was all she said for the millionth time

As if her feelings were controllable. As if she got to choose who her Mate was meant to be. As if any of this was her fault.

"Why are you sorry?" Wednesday absent-mindedly stroked Enid's hair while asking the question. Neither one of them had found the strength to leave each others grasp so instead they remained neatly placed in the middle of the floor embracing one another.

"B-because I-" she stuttered again.

"Are you afraid of me?" She moved her head to look down at the blonde haired girl.

"No" Enid pulled away from Wednesday looking at her offended at the insinuation.

"Then why are you sorry? why are you acting like this? It's making me feel concerned for you. I'm in unfamiliar territory Enid my only defense is to question you relentlessly and you understand I will do it" Wednesday explained her actions further. She had never been so openly honest with the werewolf girl before nor had she ever felt so ok with thier current position. She just wanted her to be ok.

"Because I hurt you I'm not allowed to hurt you" Enid's lip quivered as she spoke, tears threatening her eye once again. She stood up leaving Wednesday still sat on the floor illuminated by the colourful lights of Enid's window.

"Why not? If you're not fearful of losing your life from harming me then why are you so scared?" Wednesday was pushing for the fear angle. It's all she had ever known from the people around her. If it wasn't her family and their unconditional love it was everyone else who naturally feared her.

She stood up and moved towards Enid who was staring out of the window facing away from the girl in shame

"I know you won't hurt me" Enid said, very sure of this but she remained hugging herself for comfort occasionally gripping at the material of other jumper sleeve.

"Bold of you to assume that" Wednesday retorted, speaking to the back of Enid. She was still a little on edge with how nice she was being to her bestfriend. Again... It was unfamiliar territory for Wednesday but nevertheless she pushed forward. She had to make sure Enid was ok and that they were ok with each other.

Enid seemed distracted, trying to distance herself from the soon to be awkward conversation. Wednesday, having not received a reaction to her smart witted response spoke again "Did you not hear me? I said-" but her words were cut short when Enid whipped around quickly saying "I'm scared of losing you Wednesday" she blurted out unintentionally. It was a reaction to Wednesday's deflecting. Her bluntness and monotone expressions began to annoy Enid because she knew when it came to her Wednesday wasn't always like this. She had that soft spot for the blonde girl, she knew it and she wasn't ready to give it up so easily.

Wednesday again thought logically about the situation rather than allow her emotions to take presidency over the entire ordeal

"I highly doubt this miniscule injury will cause me to bleed out, Enid. I already survived a Hyde attack" Wednesday looked at her wound and smirked at the memory. Enid wasn't referring to the black haired girl losing her life just the inevitable fact that she would leave Enid upon realising the feelings she had for her were romantic not platonic.

"That's not what I meant" Enid mumbled.

"So I'm not dying, it will take more than a harmless unintentional scratch or even a near death experience with a Hyde" Wednesday assured her once again and this time Enid turned to her visibly upset

When she didn't speak Wednesday assured her once again "I survived Enid"

"Yes you did" Enid agreed, focusing on the part about Wednesday almost dying from an attack by that repulsive creature.

"Right after I went looking for you in the woods" Wednesday continued talking, oblivious to Enid's shameful expression, due to being lost in the memory of that night.

"Yes you did I'm sorry" she responded hoarsely. Was Wednesday going to get angry at her? Tell her everything she already knew? That it was her fault Wednesday was even out there at that time and if it wasn't for her she would be untouched by death's scythe.

"You also saved my life, Enid" Wednesday raised her eyebrows, after noticing her friend's solemn expression and took one step closer to the girl.

"Yeah I guess I did" her expression softened, a slight smile creeping its way onto her lips.

"Right after turning into a wolf for the first time" Wednesday continued recapping last night's events.

"Yes I did" she spoke quietly but proudly just listening to Wednesday. She also knew what the next part of the story was and tried to prepare herself for the inevitable.

"Enid?" She began to ask

"Please don't ask me Wednesday" knowing full well she was about to be questioned about what she had said to Wednesday after wolfing out. She opted for just pretending it didn't happen, hoping Wednesday would just let it go...

Wednesday took a second of silence contemplating how or even if she should say it out loud. But ultimately appealed to her will.

"Am I yours Enid?" Wednesday had moved to stand closer to Enid who wiggled nervously pulling at the sleeve of her sweater.

"W-what I - what do you mean" She gasped, not sure how to react to the way Wednesday had said it. She could have flat out just asked what it meant but instead she ... She did that?

"Am. I. yours." She paused after every word, not able to make it any clearer than this. Enid finally submitted looking down squeezing her eyes shut and then facing Wednesday... Now she was scared.

"Yes." She gulped visibly. Why lie? There was no point to it. Wednesday wasn't going to give over and Enid was now realising that either way she would lose her bestfriend. This was already causing a rift because her own stubbornness to tell the girl the truth and Wednesday inability to let things go. They would be at odds until it was out in the open. The truth. Because she knew Wednesday would not believe a lie.

"I know this may shock you but I don't subscribe to ownership of humans Enid" Wednesday really was ignoring everything she knew Enid was feeling. She had to be sure, 100% sure that she wasn't wrong.

"No no it's not like that I-" Enid stammered quickly.

"Then explain it to me Enid." She demanded "You had your first shift In front of me, I've never seen you so happy and that's saying something" she pointed out "The first thing you said to me was the word Mine" she stated fact " What does that mean Enid? You immediately panicked, you left, you haven't been the same since that moment and quite frankly it's causing me to become anguished." She said, becoming more frustrated with every step she recalled.

“I don’t mean for you to feel that way” Enid said apologetically once again, letting her face fall into her hands and pushing back her hair anxiously.

“ It’s annoying that I’m feeling anything at all Enid!” She interrupted the girl, accidentally raising her voice slightly “ It's a putrid impulse ”she quieted down irritated with her own invasive thoughts.

“This is exactly why I don’t want to tell you Wednesday” Enid explained and finally Wednesday understood. 

“ I understand” Wednesday assured the broken girl “What if I...” she swallowed back the acid in her throat and continued “ keep an open mind?” she asked. 

“ It wont make a difference" Enid scoffed.

“That’s pessimistic of you” Wednesday insulted.

“ Well let me be pessimistic for once” Enid shrugged

 ”No that’s my thing, you’re stealing my thing” Wednesday folded her arms like a child being told they weren't allowed the sweets in the shop, but her face remained still.

“Wednesday” she put her hands in her face frustrated again. She had never experienced so many emotions at once in such a broken cycle, she didn't even know what to feel anymore. 

“ Enid” She mirrored her counterpart 

“ I’m serious” she warned.

“Me too ”she warned back.

“As usual” Enid rolled her eyes.

"As opposed to what? Happy for no reason" Wednesday snarked back unintentionally.

“Wednesday” she sighed, knowing full well the raven haired girl was incapable of this whole open mind idea she had proposed.

“Enid” she mirrored again.

“ I can’t do this” she shook her head lightly. This was just another one of thier conversations that turned to arguments that neither one of them would ever admit fault to.

“ I can” Wednesday challenged.

“ You don’t want to” Enid warned her again. She wasn't ready for these feelings she knew it, look at how she was acting at the mere mention of it all.

“I assure you I do” She was met with Wednesday confident eyes.

“No” Enid said

“Yes” Wednesday opposed her once again.

“I swear to God” she lifted her arms in annoyance and let them fall to her legs with a small *slap* sound.

“You’re not religious” Wednesday reacted, tilting her head to the side.

“For Gods sake” Enid was getting really apted up now.

“ Again You’re not-” she was about to agitate the girl further but was interrupted by

“Wednesday!” she yelled, not even attempting to hide the fact that Wednesday was getting to her

“Enid” she smirked. Really what did people expect from her. To just lay down and accept this? No she was not ready to lose Enid to some stupid unexplained feeling.

“Wow” was all she said

“ Just tell me!” Wednesday raised her voice back.

“No”

“Say it!”

“No!”

“Mine!” she spat the words hoping to trigger something in Enid

“Mate!” Enid involuntarily growled back, her wolf ears and claws making a fully acceptable appearance as she lunged towards Wednesday. She knocked her back, now above her practically pinning her to the ground with hungry eyes.

“What?” Wednesday blinked.

“What?” Enid blinked, slowly becoming aware of what she had done. She started to move off of Wednesday, settling her animalistic impulses but was immediately stopped by the girl beneath her gripping elbow to hold her in place.

"Enid" for the first time ever Wednesday voice softened intentionally and she looked up at the girl with pleading eyes asking her to repeat herself.

“You’re... ” Enid hesitated “ You’re my Mate Wednesday" she stared down at Wednesday, taking in the last interaction she would ever have with her best friend "There I said it” she spoke pushing herself harshly off Wednesday, releasing herself from her grip. She stood up and walked across to her bed but not before stopping mid way to turn her head to the side and say “Happy?” finally accepting that it was over.

“Not ...usually” Wednesday admitted, sitting up from her current position. After actually hearing the words , hearing the girl admit it... she was dumbfounded. Of course she had her suspicions that Enid was hiding some kind of feelings towards her, she was doing the same after all. But her mate? Now Wednesday wasn't incredibly well versed in werewolf culture but she knew the connotations behind that word. This was far more serious than Wednesday had originally prepared herself for.

And because of this she suddenly felt this overwhelming sensation of guilt for basically forcing the girl to admit something that's probably been crushing her from the inside out.

She had to do something.

But in that moment nothing came to mind.

She panicked internally. Is this why she felt so much of that love thing everyone talked about towards Enid? Is that why she was the only person she had ever shared intimate thoughts with? Enid had seen her exposed mind, body and now soul. Was the reason she allowed all of this to happen because they were meant to be together.

But who decides your fate? Wednesday always felt separate from those at the mercy of their impulses,delusions of love and weakness. But somehow finding out that the bright, bubbly,curly haired blonde werewolf room mate she had reluctantly allowed herself to feel for was meant to be romantically involved with her, helped slide all the pieces of this neverending puzzle into place.

The question was ... What does she do about?

[rice-enjoyer]

Bite your tounge, lover ; humanity in your hands becomes dust that the wind blows over.

a/n: A small sagau brainrot for this morning because i'm sick with a cold and feel very Bad, but still have thoughts about this. ~0.6k words. a new addition to my posts is a taglist! let me know if you want to be on it! <3 cw: gn reader, my villain sagau, critique on society, kind of. divine punishment mentioned. it does have an angsty feel but it ends with fluff as usual.

--

When you explain to your most trusted, devoted little followers how unsafe your old world was. What would they react with? Worry? Anger? Disappointment in varying amounts? They cannot imagine you feeling powerless, only as the rightful and only ruler of Teyvat.

Yes, there are some similarities, but Teyvat is still safer for an average person, they can calmly go out at night without worry. They don't have to fear harassment every waking moment of the day. Fear isn't coded into them when they are born, it's a learned response, much later in life to take over.

Naturally, you feel envy, but not the kind that leaves you fuming with jealousy, powerful enough to move mountains or break cities apart. It's a bittersweet type of envy. A longing type of envy. You are glad that your favorite acolytes did not have struggles like this. That their everyday lives were more forgiving towards the struggling citizens.

You just simply wish that maybe, things would change for the better. You stop yourself, a saddened chuckle resonating within you. Change is not something that will come to Earth, surely. As long as there is corrupt power ruling over countries, no one is safe.

But power is inevitably corrupt, that's why it exists. You have fallen into the pit of the greedy need to lead. Not into battle, but also not towards a better world. A world shaped by your hands.

A hard pill to swallow, but you stop your racing mind from creating more what if's. Eliminating all worries about a world long gone, and only existing in your memory. People rely on you to guide them towards the light, but you know deep down that you are as dark as the night.

Let's just hope that they will never stop adoring you, and never realize your unintentional plan. It will sting like millions of insects when you, yourself realize it. But your guilt will be short-lived. A quick realization, but you are far too busy to feel the blame to its full extent.

You became the enemy you have sworn to destroy. But unlike in the old world, a choice in this matter was not given to you. That is why you will hurt, maybe even cry. It is an indication of weakness, but can you afford to show such signs? To your followers? Who will take every one of their problems with them, and present them at your desk to solve?

Dizzy with how much of a responsibility this is, you will simply not have the luxury of time to feel sorry for yourself. Only to solve, help, and, depending on what the answer is to certain problems, conquer. Complying with as many requests at the same time as possible, yet there are still those who are not thankful for your hard work.

Demolishing them into the very ground you walk on shall be a fitting punishment. They should try being the Creator for a few hours. They would come sobbing to you, shaken and soulless. They would understand how kindness is a forced way of thinking to you. It always has been. Because your living conditions made you prioritize yourself over others, using the weak as stepping stones to achieve your goals.

You have killed God in the old world, it's only fitting for you to become one in this one. Many for one, one for many, these ideologies blur in your fuzzy head. Exhaustion catches up to you, after pondering for a few minutes. You slump down to your desk, some papers falling down due to the impact your action caused. You hear faint footsteps and a quiet whisper. "Shh, look! Their grace is finally asleep. Be quiet, everyone!" A weak smile decorates your lips. You are home.

Taglist! (If you'd like to be added/removed, let me know!) : @the-real-fandom-person

[little-whats-her-name]

@nationmckinleyscorset made some great points in this post but the thread was getting quite long and complicated so I'm gonna put my thoughts/response here

Glad I'm not the only person who noticed this! I didn't want to be the first person to bring it up but now that you've said it... It's just the perfect balance of seriousness and humour!

I love the comparison to As Long As He Needs Me (I had never heard the song before and had to listen to it on Spotify but it's perfect) because although it's only touched upon in The Stuff, that's similar to how I see Mae's thinking.

I really appreciate finding other people who like The Stuff, as it is a very niche brand of humour that can easily be mistaken for making fun of abusive relationships. Granted, I didn't understand this form of humour when I first listened to The Stuff, but I grew to enjoy it.

"That dancer" is Neve Campbell AKA the star of The Craft and in the Scream franchise Christian Campbell's (Jimmy) sister. And due to the fact that RM was made in 2005, before Frozen and The Good Place, Neve was the most mainstream actor they had in the film and so they promoted her as much as they possibly could, to the point where people watched it on Showtime expecting her to have a lead role (they wanted her to have a lead role, but by that point most people had been cast, and almost all the female leads flirt with Jimmy at some point and they were like yeah nah that's gonna be weird, so they changed Mr Poppy to Miss Poppy and had it be a cameo role) and were disappointed when she was only in the movie for five minutes.

Yes. He always has 💅🏻 vibes. Even in the original 1936 one when it was meant to be serious. Idk maybe boys in the 1930s were just like that

According to IMDb (which I think got their info from the DVD commentary, I'm not sure, I have yet to own it on DVD), they were meant to be in "various states of undress", some fully nude, but when it came to filming time, no one wanted to show any skin. So let's all be grateful for the shyness of those extras 🙏

😂 Wonderful point! I never thought of it that way!

Ice packs weren't around in the 1930s and back then it was (and still is) commonly thought that both raw and frozen meat draws out water build-up, which reduces swelling. Over time, we have learnt that the reduction in swelling is probably due more to the temperature than the meat itself and that raw meat can contain a lot of harmful bacteria. Judging by its malleability and the thwap sound it makes against Mae's cheek when she turns it over, the steak is almost definitely raw 🤢

Can we take a moment to appreciate the costume designers for perfectly matching the colour of Mae's dressing gown to the steak on her eye? It tells so much about Mae's character, I can picture her thinking "I have to stop the bruising, all I've got is this steak, maybe if I match my lingerie and make it look as though I'm just using the steak as an unusual accessory - all the rich people have unusual accessories - everyone will be so impressed with my fashion sense that they won't question what else the steak is for." Alas, things never work out that easy for Mae.

Sally is so hot, despite literally everything. I don't think Amy Spanger fully comprehends how hot she was as Sally. She did an incredible job. Everyone in Reefer Madness is attractive in a "why am I attracted to this?" way. Seriously, I haven't seen casting that good since the live-action Scooby Doos with Linda Cardellini.

Yes!! She and Mae are the only characters to have the same first name and surname as their 1936 counterparts. Which, in Mary's case, I find hilarious since no one when writing or directing or filming thought "Hey Mary Lane kinda sounds like Mary Jane, slang for the same drug we're trying to associate with all evil". Kevin Murphy and Dan Studney turned a unintentional goof from the original film into the heartwarming masterpiece that is Mary Jane/Mary Lane.

Mary Jane/Mary Lane wasn't in the musical but they created it for the movie-musical so they could enter it for the Emmy for Best Original Song AND THEN THEY WON THE EMMY FOR BEST ORIGINAL SONG. They went up against blockbuster Hollywood films and they absolutely deserved that win. I still reckon Kristen Bell should've gotten the Emmy Best Supporting Actress (I don't count Mary's role as supporting, but that was the name of the nomination) but tbh I would give everyone in RM Emmys and Tonys. Don't ever make me in charge of the Emmy and Tony awards, I would absolutely add in extra votes.

[bastardbutch]

.

Maybe it was my fault because I didn't give any real consequences for you assaulting me, but you assured me I wouldn't have to.

Until the moment I tried to talk directly about it, and then it was "I'm surprised that still bothers you." and "you should have said something sooner." how soon would have been soon enough for you? Because I said no in the moment. We talked about it right after. I tried to bring it up in ways you evaded. I think it was only a month or two until I said something directly about needing to keep that conversation open to feel comfortable moving forward, instead of acting like it didn't happen. Should I have had to have been the one to bring it up? When we talked explicity about what had happened already, and how we'd need to actively build trust over time? You said you understood, but you never showed it.

Should I have had to constantly repeat and assert my sexual boundaries after the way you hurt me, when you said you were okay with going slow? If you had genuinely been sorry you would have made the effort to be mindful of them. You had every reason to, you knew I had existing trauma on top of that. You expected me to move at a normal pace without even realizing the impact of what happened until I spelled it out for you, which was a weeks long and emotionally grueling process.

You had every reason to do a lot of things differently.

But every opportunity you had to be understanding, you used to shut me down or gain power over the situation. You were never the person I believed you to be, and I think I knew that I was trauma bonded early in but still chose to fixate on that fantasy if what could have been rather than what was.

Or maybe you are that person, in some part of you, and the piece of you I got was the self-protective manipulative side. I don't like to think of people in strictly black and white, and I know it takes two. But you had so many chances to stop. To get help. To listen when I was trying. To stop pushing those boundaries, to not make a move to be in a position of power over me at work immediately during us ending shit. That's what I did, I got therapy and meds and distanced myself.

You didn't even when it was accessible to you.

And that's why I don't like you. Not for what you did, but for how you refused to take any of those chances to do things differently, and then you had the gall to lament how you knew you'd run out of chances eventually. Self pity and self hate are not ownership over your behavior, and they're not a substitute for accountability.

I never wanted anyone's guilt. I wanted mutual understanding. Your shame helps neither of us and it's never going to produce sustainable, authentic change. And it's on me for sinking into that trauma bond and unhealthy attachment instead of doing what I logically knew was healthy, it's on me for not handling my side of things well or appropriately, but I still never deserved to be hurt or gaslit or manipulated like that by you. From the start I didn't deserve the negging, or the triangulation, or the assault, or the way you silenced me. I'm not claiming any more responsibility for other people's halves of things. I think on some deeper level you know what you were doing, even if it felt easy to dismiss or rationalize as "not intentional, so not bad" to you. When you've repeatedly been told the impact of something that should be relatively easy to change and your actions never lined up with your words, is it really unintentional at that point? Or just easier to excuse?

You chose to keep doing things you knew were wrong, acknowledged as wrong, beat yourself up over doing. You fucked up. Eventually those consequences catch up to you.

You made your bed. Lie in it.

[sarcasticsweetlara]

Ok so in terms of a tumblr scuffle youve had recently, ik whats gone wrong, it shouldve been like a 3 reblog discussion tops tbh.

You each got stuck on your respective arguments somewhat, wherein you kept returning to the meaning of your original post, and the other person was solely arguing semantics.

To number this for backreference: 1. When you misused woke, you both mocked the term and were antiblack about it. The misuse of the term has both attributes. You don't have to stop using it, just use it right. Your message is still good, even though it's muddied by this problem.

2. In your first response you bring the discussion back around to a holier than thou "yeah but my point is that theres people dying" when it's a semantics discussion, and then you do this again in your second response, making it seem like you think that the attack on semantics is an attack on your message's intent, which it isn't at all! I often end up making semantics arguments, and leave the things I agree with unsaid. Like, you both agreed that the two problems were separate (although when you roped the topic of palestine in each time you betrayed that understanding--this is also the framing issue btw). I'm sure the other person agreed with your message, the topic of discussion was just...a semantics issue, though. That's all.

The actions of 2 make it seem like 1 wasn't clicking for you, which made the discussion draw on for longer than necessary. The framing and mocking and stuff are all unintentional actions -- to be fair the other person did seem to think you were reframing on purpose, a lot of people do employ that to "win" the discussion and whatnot -- in reality it just stems from misunderstanding in this instance, and is why you had to apologize like, twice, you didnt get the issues and thought you were just being lectured about it, I don't think they were hunting for multiple apologies.

Fwiw I think the issues in the original post you made are so interesting you could write like, a paper on the sociopolitics of the word use. From the conservative standpoint wokeness is often a strange, hollow concept, but a lot of uneducated people on the left have taken the stance of "palestine homophobic!!!" which has that secondary conservative meaning (even though the conservative use often stems from homophobia and racism and stuff, sorry this is just a really surface level description of the aforementioned "whole paper" it almost finds a correct secondary meaning in this message, but otherwise would fry the brains of those of certain conservatives, lmao)

Hi!

I guess I didn't explain myself very well.

To be honest, my intention was never to mock anyone, quiet the opposite, but now I'm better informed now.

I had seen people use it to justify the Palestinian genocide so my intent was to try calling out their hypocrisy, but now I know better, thanks.

And yes, it just pisses me off how people are taking the stance of "Palestine is Homophobic" to justify the bombings.

[general-light]

If you don't mind me asking, and feel free to ignore this if you've been asked it already, but what's your take on the argument that c!Wilbur is/was abusive? (towards c!Tommy is the take I've usually seen, but there's also been people saying he's abusive towards c!Tubbo or c!Fundy).

I've been seeing the take a lot on Twitter, usually in response to someone saying c!Dream is abusive as a sort of 'gotcha' moment. But I've never seen anyone explain why c!Wilbur isn't abusive so I'm curious to see what you have to say since you're the c!Wilbur expert in my mind.

I've talked about it once before, but I'll be "really brief" with this answer.

c!Dream methodically abused c!Tommy in exile, intentionally and repeatedly. Therefore, the act is instantly worse than any time c!Wilbur hurt him, because c!Wilbur has never set out to hurt or control another character in a similar fashion. But, let's put that aside for now.

Here's a bullet often used by those who push this point: Abuse can be unintentional. Someone might emotionally abuse someone in the misguided attempt to keep them safe. But, even then, I don't really think that what c!Wilbur did was... abuse?

He's hurt c!Tommy's feelings a few times (the President comment, the Pit, etc.). But the idea that those were abusive acts totally ignores the contexts (c!Tommy had just endangered the entire ravine, and the Pit was one big manic breakdown - and maybe the only solid example of serious hurt). One instance of hurt does not an abuser make.

Someone's feelings being hurt isn't indicative of being abused, and for the most part these scenes aren't played as abuse. You wouldn't call c!Tubbo calling c!Tommy selfish (and hurting his feelings) pre-exile emotionally abusive, and the circumstantial contexts were near identical (friend lashes out due to stress about the safety of a nation).

When it comes to roleplaying abuse, c!Tommy clearly plays the role of being a conflicted victim. His response solidifies c!Dream's actions as abusive. But, this kind of behaviour is absent from his behaviour with c!Wilbur. c!Tommy seems to see c!Wilbur as someone who was once great, and can be great again if given the chance. Which makes it hard for me to believe that they were roleplaying an abuser and his victim.

Every example used, I find, is poor at best, and taken out of context at worst.

c!Wilbur scaring c!Tommy with his deteriorating mental state (Oct 8th "Am I the Villain?" speech, Oct 17 Button Room incident) is not abuse. Mental health is scary. c!Wilbur claiming that c!Tommy will hate him for what he'll do (Nov. 16 pre-War conversation) is not abuse, it's a pre-emptive apology.

Some parts used as evidence are just not canon, and if they were, are more proof that "they're like brothers" is real. c!Wilbur and c!Tommy bickering over the diamond blocks and the accidental piston trap is not abuse, that's just normal-ass sibling behaviour.

And that's just c!Tommy. I am not sure where the c!Tubbo claim comes from - c!Schlatt abused him, why are you looking at c!Wilbur?! - and it's so nonsense I don't know how to tackle disproving it. An one off instance of c!Tubbo feeling hurt by c!Wilbur is not abuse.

As for c!Fundy. c!Wilbur was, if anything, overly protective of him. c!Wilbur was driven to depression by his position on the L'Manberg cabinet - fellas, is it abusive/neglectful to try and prevent the same thing happening to your son by not giving him a title?

After Pogtopia, c!Wilbur thought he'd been disowned. Fellas, is it abusive/neglectful to try and respect the wishes of a son who's disowned you by staying away from him?

[magnus-the-maqnificent]

Let's Analyze - Alec in CoFA

So, I’ve been seeing plenty of discourse on two of my mutual’s blogs about this topic… so I thought I’d sit down and write another analysis post about my beloved Alec Lightwood cause people are still giving him shit for a book that came out ten years ago 🤦‍♀️

This is gonna be in two parts, and I'm putting both under the cut:

PART 1 - ALEC’S INSECURITIES 

So, the first part - how Alec’s insecurities drove him to saying stupid things in CoFA

A quick disclaimer - I’m NOT blaming Alec alone for his and Magnus’s break up. What happened was pretty complicated, and the blame cannot be put on one person alone. 

That said, let’s start with Magnus and Alec’s early ‘official’ relationship, in trsom.

These scenes are taken from only the first part of the book, but I’m pretty sure they’re more than enough to get a sense of Alec’s insecurities and all the chinks in their relationship. Throughout the entirety of trsom, we see more bits and pieces of Alec’s insecurities about Magnus’s sexuality, and his past and all the people he might have known - and that’s okay! Insecurities happen, cause brains are stupid like that.

But all of Alec’s insecurities could’ve been laid to rest with a simple conversation. But the conversation never happens. Magnus tends to deflect and change the topic every single time his past is brought up. I understand Magnus’s reasons for hiding his past, of course, but it doesn’t help his relationship with Alec. Magnus hiding a good chunk of his past will inevitably lead to Alec questioning himself - why is he so secretive? Why is he not telling me anything? Does he not trust me? ...and so on.

And when Alec is already feeling insecure in this relationship, this happens - (sorry about the terrible cropping btw)

And then later, while Magnus is talking to Camille,

Now… when people are insecure about something, they get irked at the smallest of things. I’m saying this as an insecure person myself. So now, you've got Alec, who's insecure as fuck, and his vacation with the person he loves got cut short by his ex who refuses to talk to anyone but him, and when they get there, his lover and his lover's ex seem to have obvious chemistry, he gets hit with the reality that his lover has dated several, probably even hundreds of people before him; and he has to leave them alone in a room so they can talk, and then he hears the ex basically just list all his shortcomings - i.e, his mortality, his appearance is compared to some random dead guy (sorry, Will) whom your lover had a crush on, which is just weird, and when you've had enough and open the door, it's to see your lover and his ex, standing close as fuck, and he's! touching! her! face! and! looking! into! her! eyes!

*takes a sip of water* yeahhhh... Alec was straight up having a bad day.

And at this point, a) Alec is still in his first relationship. He didn't get to navigate romance when he was younger, and while there's nothing wrong with that, there weren't exactly cutesy presentations titled 'how to keep your relationships healthy' floating around the internet. Heck, he didn’t know the internet. He didn't know that he had to communicate with Magnus, and it doesn't help that boy avoids conversations about feelings like the plague. And b) at this point, Alec would be facing several negative emotions - insecurity, obviously. Hurt. Helplessness, because of his mortality. Fear, that he might not live up to Magnus’s past lovers. Jealousy at seeing Magnus and Camille so close.

Negative emotions like these often tend to show up as anger or sorrow... and in Alec’s case, that would be anger. Which leads us to THIS- (🙈)

*sighs in second-hand embarrassment*

*drinks more water*

*this is gonna be so hard aksjakak*

So. Alec dealt with his insecurities... by being a mean, mean bitch to Magnus :/

Let's break this scene down, slowly, bit by bit.

First, Alec cuts into a conversation between Magnus and Jordan, when Magnus mentions Woolsey Scott, followed the rest of that particular page. To Alec, he's just a figure from Magnus’s past, and a possible lover, though in Alec’s defense Woolsey Scott WAS Magnus’s lover. This is the first instance that we see in which Alec lashes out at Magnus. It seems like he's trying to make a point to Magnus - "I don't know anything about your past, and so I don't know who you've had romances with, but I want to know." Except he makes his point in the worst way possible and ends up slutshaming Magnus.

The "What's true?" line, in response to Jordan saying "so it's true what they say about warlocks, then?" is pretty obvious. Alec is clearly not liking the idea that this random werewolf might know about warlocks, and in particular, his Warlock boyfriend.

Next... ooh boy... Alec basically snaps and in the next few paragraphs accuses Magnus of wanting to flirt with others which... is not a good look on ya honey 😕. These lines are the ones that get him accused of being biphobic... but is he really? I'm gonna talk about that in part 2.

So, in the first paragraph, where Alec makes the comments about Jordan, I find his choice of words pretty... interesting, seeing as 'messy-haired', 'broad-shouldered' and 'chiseled-good-looks' are all used to describe Alec in the series. Not sure if its relevant, but definitely interesting.

And in the next one, where Alec says, "or there are plenty of pretty girls here, since apparently your taste goes both ways. Is there anything you aren't into?" The 'apparently' makes me curious. In rsom, Alec mentions that he's only recently heard of the term bisexual, and there's plenty of time between rsom and cofa, so Alec should be absolutely sure of atleast the basic meaning of bisexuality. But I'm pretty sure it's just inconsistency on cc's part, since if rsom didn't exist, this book would be the first time Alec learns about Magnus’s bisexuality. (Which is obvious when you look at the scene after Magnus reveals that Camille is his girlfriend.) And as for the second sentence, I feel like it's a fallback to earlier in the book when Magnus says (I'm just gonna write the dialogue from memory), "I've dated men, women, warlocks, faeries, vampires, werewolves and even a djinn or two." Here, Alec is angry, and he takes the knowledge that Magnus has dated a variety of people and once again, lashes out.

Looking at all of it together, Alec’s insecurities are definitely a factor in all of this. We know Alec has pretty low self esteem in tmi, and he keeps having irrational thoughts about someone else grabbing Magnus’s attention, like in the trsom scene I've posted above. And he ends up taking out his insecurities on Magnus.

Was it wrong of Alec to say all those things to Magnus? Yes, absolutely. But looking back through all his scenes in cofa, it's easy to see how he could've fallen into the pit trap of emotions.

And before anyone says "but it wasn't addressed in the later books", it was, in CoLS. I’ve hit the image limit, so I'm just gonna type it out -

"[Magnus] said it would be better if he didn’t come. Apparently him and the Seelie Queen have some kind of history."

Isabelle raised her eyebrows.

"Not that kind of history," Alec said irritably. "Some kind of feud. Though," he added, half under his breath, "the way he got around before me, I wouldn't be surprised."

"Alec!" Isabelle dropped back to talk to her brother....

So, there. Alec makes yet another slutshaming comment, Isabelle overhears and is clearly not happy about it, and it's clearly implied that she talks to Alec about it. And Alec doesn't make any more slutshaming comments since then. Boy now knows what he did was wrong, and makes sure not to repeat it again.

Although, I do wish we had more than this. I wish we had more of Magnus and Alec talking about this argument, heck, even about all their arguments and the reasons they broke up, but you can't get everything you want, apparently :(

And now onto the next part...

PART 2 - IS ALEC BIPHOBIC?

The short answer, uh, no, not really.

The long answer.... would be complicated.

So, back in the day, when this discourse was at an all time high, I remember reading a bisexual person's essay about this topic, and they said that this comment from Alec - "or there are plenty of pretty girls here, since apparently your taste goes both ways. Is there anything you aren't into?" - would be a biphobic microagression.

According to Google, a microagression is "a statement, action, or incident regarded as an instance of indirect, subtle, or unintentional discrimination against members of a marginalized group such as a racial or ethnic minority".

And in Alec's case, IF his words were biphobic, they were completely unintentional. They were microagressive. Which is... still bad, of course, but it's more complicated than that.

If you look back on Alec's supposedly biphobic statements, they're more about Magnus’s hypersexuality and promiscuity than anything else. Yes, even the line i mentioned like two paragraphs ago. At first glance it may seem like a direct attack on Magnus’s sexuality, but think over the explanation I gave for the line and it will make sense. And a lot of people know that the whole 'bi people fuck around a lot and are cheaters' thing is a stereotype.

Now, it may seem like I'm going off topic here, but bear with me. I couple of days ago, I watched this video by chance. (Tw for the aids crisis and lots of biphobia, not from the narrator, if you wanna watch the video). Basically, back in the 1980s, bisexual men were scapegoated for spreading aids to the straight community and were vilified by popular media as being promiscuous scepters who would cheat on their wives with gay men and then give aids to their wives. (Yikes 😬). And since bisexuality was practically unheard of before all this (several bisexual activists have stated that all this shit, though unfortunate, pulled bisexuality out of the closet), it's safe to assume that this is how those stereotypes came to be - through 1980s propaganda.

But living with this propaganda is... a very limiting experience. The people who leaned and unlearned and fought against this propaganda are mostly US Americans who grew up with it, either the actual propaganda itself or passed down by their parents. But like I said, it's a very limiting experience. US is but one country out of many, and even for those living in the USA there's a chance that they grew up in a very hush-hush environment. People who grew up hearing all these stereotypes will see it as biphobia, while people who didn't - like Alec, and me, and several other people will not. A lot of people grow up with absolutely no knowledge of the queer community, and chances are that they'll be incredibly confused when a stereotype is pointed out to them, and they often get no more explanation than 'this is a harmful stereotype'. Queer experiences aren't the same for everyone, and while I respect the people who see this as biphobia, they should recognize that there are many people who won't see it that way.

I have seen bisexual people say that Alec's words were biphobic, and I've also seen bisexual people say that they weren't. Thus, there is no clear consensus about whether or not Alec was being biphobic. And like I said earlier, Alec grew up far, far away from mundane anti-queer bigotry. He was essentially a clean slate when it came to knowledge of eer microagressions of any kind, because microagressions and stereotypes are often incredibly specific, don't have anything to do with a person's race/sexuality/gender, etc. and will make zero sense unless you know the history behind them. To Magnus, who lived through the anti-bisexual scapegoating, the words would've definitely stung, but Alec didn't even know the implications he would be making with this words! Of course, the impact is greater than intention, and I imagine Magnus would sit Alec down one day and talk about all this history with him.

And idk if I can even blame cc cause the history of bisexual men is RARELY ever talked about, atleast on the internet.

Also, this scene in cofa is the only instance where he can be interpreted to be biphobic. Nowhere else in all of tmi, and even tec, do we see Alec express hatred or disgust or microagression towards bisexual people. If this was seen in a repeating pattern from Alec, one could argue that he's biphobic... but he isn't. Some might point to some of his internal thoughts in trsom to argue otherwise, but I believe that actions are superior than thoughts.

There's also the thing about unlearning prejudices, but in Alec's case there was hardly anything to be unlearned. The only prejudices he did pick up on were against himself, through vague homophobic comments from Robert.

P.S if you've read this far, I am legally entitled to compensation for thinking of cofa Alec for 48 hours. Put your favorite Alec moments in my askbox cause I wanna focus on his good side now. 😎

But yeah, the main thing here is that Alec has grown from his mistakes, apologized, and hasn't repeated this behavior at all.

And lastly, I just wanted to add - I don't think all this was unintentional on the author's part. She's grown up with the us American queer community, and has mentioned that she has bisexual friends, who have no doubt faced prejudices because of these stereotypes. I think she was trying to condemn making such statements, but a lot of people don't read between the lines and end up misinterpreting it and make both the character and her to be biphobic.

So... TLDR; was what Alec said biphobic? Maybe. It depends on who you're talking to. Is Alec, as a person, biphobic? Nope. Not at all. 😌

[4lph4kidz]

it's just interesting and funny how with one hand homestuck goes out of its way to say dirk cannot take the blame for bro's actions and in fact spends a metric ton of time on how people are shaped by their upbringings and how drastically people change based on that....... and then says "oh dirk? villain. yep. ultimate self is villain. mmhm."

idk so much of early act 6 goes fuckdeep into the people who can tell dirk and the ar apart, how they are treated differently, how they are different, and what all that means...... only to like forget its own lessons.

ugh i knowwww!! literally thinking about this exact thing is what singlehandedly led to me getting back into homestuck again!!!!

(apologies in advance because you caught me at a time where i'm not capable of phrasing things particularly intelligently, especially not when its shit i've been thinking about and obsessing over for almost a calendar year at this point)

i find dirk and the question of how different he is from his splinters and the crisis he endures towards the end of the comic absolutely fucking fascinating. and, well, he IS different. he has the chance to learn and grow when the other versions of him don’t! his arc is all about self reflection and self awareness and responsibility. he takes the idea of trying to be better so seriously, but he’s unable to even tell what he is and isn't personally responsible for and has no idea how to deal with that remorse in any way healthily. so he comes to view himself as an innately bad person who can’t be truly ‘good’ no matter his intention. he’s so damn hard on himself! he doesn’t even believe it’s possible for him to be happy, like he might be innately bad or broken somehow. and even though homestuck does offer a vaguely optimistic ending after that point, i think it’s still a heartbreaking conclusion for a damn teenager to come to about himself. 

if it wasn’t obvious, i really like dirk, because for all his many fucking faults, he’s still a brave, funny, and deeply caring person who wants to do the right thing and look out for other people. in my view, he’s not heartless, he’s selfless.

...though it’s true that those noble motivations can absolutely be expressed and acted upon in harmful ways, which is pretty interesting. hussie was doing a whole thing with the striders and deconstructing the ideals of heroism that bro strider imposed on dave. to paraphrase the author commentary - dave’s arc is all about rejecting the stoic, self-sacrificing ‘unbroken sword’ version of ‘heroism’ that his bro embodied, in favour of what makes him an emotionally better person (represented with the broken sword). this is an ideology dirk obviously also contends with (not just bc he’s another version of bro - he grew up idolizing martyr figures, remember?) and ultimately, i think, also comes to deconstruct, if the Unbreakable Katana being shattered during their final fight is any sort of symbolic indication. god was that even relevant to this discussion? i have no idea i just think its interesting and have no filter right now

tl;dr he does make mistakes, but a lot of the worst things dirk is responsible for were either unintentional or perpetrated by a splinter self he had no direct control over. even though his splinters do reflect his worse personality traits and capabilities, dirk himself takes his responsibilities seriously, and does want to be better. no one is more critical of dirk than dirk himself is, that's the fucking CORE of his character, and i’m personally very fucking invested in the idea of him working on his flaws, reaching a better place emotionally and learning to live with himself. 

it’s getting late and this is already too long so... i think i will talk about the ep*logues and the way they interpret the ‘ultimate self’ concept another time...  

[itsclydebitches]

I'm sorry, but as someone who can't stand how Yang acted for 80% of Atlas, saying "her feeling like she had to help raise Ruby is demeaning and unempathetic to Tai" is a HORRIBLE take. If Yang held it against Tai that'd be one thing, but she doesn't, least not as far as we've seen.

And "she decided he's an unfit parent"? That's literally just headcanon. Where is this stated or supported in any way? Literally everything, from the show to the comics to the manga, shows she absolutely values her father and his guidance. Her providing similar guidance to Ruby at some point doesn't change that, she's stated to be Ruby's mother figure, a woman in her life she could seek advice on in regards to things as well.

Like anon I get you're frustrated by how empathy and morality are handled in this show, I am too, but this just ain't it.

I have simillar feelings on the Weiss scene too but that's another story, you already kind of covered it.

Agreed, though I don't want to rag on the other anon. As said, I can very easily see how someone would come to that conclusion, especially given how often we discuss parts of the show without actually re-watching those scenes, leading to iffy interpretations down the line. A fandom pretty heavily focused on a "Tai is a bad dad" reading + Yang's unfair criticisms of others from Volumes 5-8 (notably her most recent characterization. The one fresh in everyone's mind) = an easy opportunity to mistakenly slam the two together. It happens. That's why I try, whenever possible, to re-watch moments, or at the very least re-read transcripts. I'm well aware of how easy it is to get sucked into how the fandom discusses scenes and take that interpretation at face value, when in fact what's canonical has gotten pretty warped across, in this case, six years of content and discussions.

But let's talk about Weiss a bit more! I think it's worth re-emphasizing that, yes, I'm well aware that she was the victim of that dinner party. My own criticism lies less in that specific moment and more the conceptualizing of our heroes as a whole, which leads to some missed opportunities in that moment, some quite important. For example, most classically heroic characters would be horrified at nearly hurting/killing someone, regardless of whether that was intentional or not. That's a crucial part of what makes them heroic: cherishing life and shouldering responsibility for others' safety, even when it's clear from the audience's more objective perspective that they weren't at fault. There's a happy middle ground here between acknowledging Weiss' horrific panic attack and acknowledging Weiss' responsibility moving forward to ensure that her trauma doesn't endanger others—given that her trauma is drawing on literal, combat techniques—highlighting her desire to do right by the people of Remnant, even when they're snobbish, rich assholes. Any reading that boils things down simply to "Weiss is the only victim in this situation and besides, why do we care if a racist Atlesian bites the dust 😒?" is a small representation of the much larger writing problems of Volumes 7 and 8: acting like Mantle is full of only good victims, Atlas only evil perpetrators, and a defense of the latter isn't worth anyone's time—certainly not the heroes who never, ever make mistakes with massive consequences. Weiss' near attack also carries with it the beginnings of a lot of themes that RWBY never capitalized on, but pretended were an important part of the story by the end of that Atlas arc, like Ironwood's supposed propaganda, or Whitley's question of whether power should be solely in the hands of a few, individual huntsmen. Weiss' situation might have been reframed into something that looks intentional: Here's not just a girl, but a Schnee girl, attacking a poor, defenseless civilian with her scary powers. Are we really going to leave the safety of our kingdom—the world—in the hands of people like her? You should be backing the army, people who have your real interests in mind, led by the man who saved that woman's life—General Ironwood! And the audience would rightly be going, Hey now wait a fucking minute. That's not what happened! It was an accident born of trauma and abuse. How can you manipulate the people into thinking otherwise? Into thinking Weiss is the enemy here? Like, if you're going to write Ironwood/Atlas as the awful, propaganda spewing antagonists... actually write that story.

So the party scene could have been the launching point for a lot of important work, both in terms of Weiss' characterization (a hero learning to balance flaws with her people's safety; taking responsibility for her mistakes, no matter the initial intention) and the world building (what does it mean for a Schnee to (mistakenly) attack a civilian when tensions are this high and faith in huntsmen is beginning to fail?) But for the purposes of what we actually got, that lack of reflection on Weiss' part, as said, reads badly when pit against her actions in Volumes 6-8. Because my brain is super focused on Star Wars atm, I think Anakin is a decent comparison to all this. Meaning, we know where he ends up—super scary Sith Lord who is going to do All The Bad Things Ever—and that will, naturally, color our reading of everything that happens in prequal material. When Anakin gets pissed and cuts the limbs off a Separatist, it produces a "Yikes" reaction in the audience because we know that anger, grief, frustration, and fear are going to lead him down an awful path. In contrast, when Obi-Wan is challenged about his no killing unarmed men policy and cheekily looks to Rex to kill him instead, we don't really go "Yikes" because we know Obi-Wan remains true to the Light for his entire run. All their actions have the primary reading of "They were justified that time/they made a mistake/they're allowed to be human/etc." But only Anakin has the secondary reading of, "That action is REALLY BAD—more bad than Obi-Wan's—because we know where it leads. It reads as setup for his inevitable fall." That's basically where the RWBY group is at the moment, provided you're unhappy with their lack of empathy in the later volumes. If the group had remained more compassionate then yeah, we'd continue to shrug off past moments that sorta imply otherwise because we know that's not who they really are. Weiss never grappled with nearly hurting someone only because, hell, RWBY doesn't let her grapple with anything! She didn't even get to respond to getting speared through the gut. But knowing where they end up—knowing that Weiss will be party to Ozpin's treatment, will help betray Ironwood, will accuse Marrow of abandoning her city only to do nothing for it in turn, will threaten her brother, will give the wish to destroy her entire kingdom and displace all its people, etc.—creates that "Yikes" response whenever we see something earlier that even somewhat aligns with her current characterization. It doesn't erase the 100% correct reading that Weiss was the victim and made a totally unintentional mistake in that moment. It doesn't erase the knowledge that RWBY rarely capitalizes on the implications of scenes like this anyway. It only adds another reading in the form of, "Well, knowing where she ends up... I can kinda see that future version in her here too."

[funtarou]

Wishes || Kuroo x Reader

The Second Part of "Plans" || Kuroo x Reader" fic

Second part is here and I hope it's decent or maybe satisfying enough. Like wise, I'm rusty and still trying to regain my writing zone. Also I haven't throughly slowly proof-read this so-- Also also ya know, like wise, how I depict Kuroo has no guarantee that it's the actual Canon Kuroo, ya know. But I'm tryna get a bit close-

Story Warning: Angst, Comfort/hurt?, Human emotions are weird okay. There's one Sexual action but not described specifically. Still just incase, 13 year old below minors do not interact.

Writing Warning: Bad English grammar and possible spelling mistakes and wrong use of words. English is not my first language and I'm still tryna get back in writing groove.

Read part 1 here

Kuroo Tetsurou never expect such a dirty play from life. He though all of the dark side in life for him has already ran out the moment his mom stormed out of their house when he was a kid. He though it was already enough the moment he heard his own older sister said she doesn't want anything to do with him. He though it was satisfying enough for life to see him bid farewell to his friends back at his old neightbourhood. Maybe he's still naive to think that he won't be affected by any games life would play him after the things he need to went through in his early childhood. Even after it already forced him to think more maturely in a young age, and developed a sort of social anxiety in those younger days, there just seems to be more and more things life had planned for him.

But after witnessing a near-death experience, Your near death experience, he wish life would let him off the Hook. Because it was just too much.

It has been 96 hours since you were hit by the bastard with the car who drives away the next second. And despite already being treated, you still haven't wake up. The doctor said you'll be fine despite the injuries, but might experience headaches when waking up. But on the matter of when, it was still uncertain. For now it's best to let you rest, let your brain process the shock from the hit.

96 hours, and Kuroo still stays by your side. Only leaving on occasion to get some supplies he needs to stay at your hospital room. He hasn't attend his classes for the past four days yet, but has someone he's on good-terms with (and has the same classes as him) to give him notes and stuff that was taught at those classes. Kenma occasionally stopped by to give him food and check up on your condition too. A few of your friends and family also came for the same reason for the past four days.

Even though his heart ache and yearns for you to open your eyes, to know for sure that you'll be okay, he always tries to maintained a cold head. Despite the lingering fear that stays at the back of his head and the image of your frail body being hit and thrown to the side of the road, he put up a strong front. to himself and to the people around him. He has been focusing on his studies despite not present in classes, still maintaining a proper diet and sleep schedule. Acting normal, and trying to think everything is fine now that he knew you're treated and is going to be okay. He cant just go in deep depresso espresso mode now while you're unconcious. Because he knew you'd be upset if you wake up and found out he hasn't been taking care of himself. Another thing he always keep in mind is, that he cant let this bump in life ruined his plans. Not to mention he's nearing graduation if he Ace his essays and IP. He can get a job soon, a well-paid one if he works hard enough. Soon enough he can buy you the things you always dream of getting ever since highschool. He can already imagined the beaming in your eyes when he give it to you, one day.

Yeah. This is just a bump in life. Everyone Will eventually experience it at Times. Nothing is perfect, but that doesn't mean he cant stop trying to reach his future plans with you.

As Kuroo was typing on his laptop, sitting beside your bed with one hand on top of your hand, he sensed a sudden movement. His eyes quickly shot up from the device to your laying figure. He stays quiet for a few seconds, that is before he can feel the sudden broken movements of your fingers in his once again. He stand up, putting the laptop aside before putting another hand on your hand that had moved. Eyes slightly wide in anticipation for your own to open.

"... (Y/n)?"

He whispered, not wanting to startle you. The movement on your hand in his owns slowly became stronger, until it managed to lightly close in to a half fist and open again. Your eyelids trembles lightly, making an effort to open. But when it does, your orbs slowly land on him. He cant help himself, as he feels his vision getting blurry with the unintentional tears gathering up.

"Hey love... How are you feeling...?"

He softly and slowly questions, letting you process your conditions as he notices your eyes roaming around as if trying to understand where you are. And then he sees your eyes roaming at his figure, at your conjoined hands. And for some reason, the way your eyes looked at him, the way it moved as if analyzing him and the way your hand slightly shifted in his soft grip, gave him a bad feeling under the relief.

And it seems like Kuroo's gut feeling has always been spot on. For the words you weakly utter next Made his heart drop.

"... W-Who... Who are you...?"

And he wish you were pranking him at that moment.

2 years since the incident.

The day when you woke up, Kuroo called the doctors to check up on you. After going through some tests, the doctor concluded that the impact and shock from the accident Made you lost a big part of your memories. Your family was called the same day to received the information.

Ever since that day, Kuroo has been trying to rush your memories back. He's taking it slow, not wanting to pressure you and the recovery of your memories. He's been really supportive and optimis on making you remember your family, your friends, your life style, hobbies, and him. Gladly you still remember and can manage most of the things you learned at your major, and you returned back to campus a few days after you woke up. Now you've successfully graduated with an average but good scores. Yet due to not remembering your passion, you're not quiet sure what career you want to take, up until now. You've only been doing part-time jobs and online shops. Everything still feels unfamiliar to your head, yet strangely familiar in your chest.

After getting out of the hospital, You agreed on still staying with Kuroo at your shared apartment. Kuroo also persuaded your family that it might make you remember faster on your latest life style. And in a way, he has a point. Most of the stuffs you supposely enjoy and most of the things you use in your routines is in the apartment. The things back at your family house are the old things you didn't use and left when you moved out for college. In the end you spend those two years living in the same roof with him, someone who people told you is your lover of some years now.

For the past 2 years also, Kuroo tried giving you your space. He restrict himself from kissing you everytime he sees you. He tries to hold back on smushing you againts his chest. He lets you choose where you wanted to sleep, either it be the guest room or your shared bedroom. If you're not comfortable with him hugging you, like how you two used to do everyday, he'll make a distance from your side of the bed or sleep on another place. Through those Times, be tries to done the deeds on his own, not with anyone else, without you knowing too. It's been hard for him to locked up all of his swelling feelings and affections for you, yet he doesn't want to overwhelmed you. Not until you remember him, or maybe, developed the same compassion feelings for him as your new self.

But it seems like you've caughed on his hidden desperation for you. And if there's a side of you that stays, it's your need to return the favor he has been giving you. Afterall, he's the most supportive person you've met ever since you woke up. The one who let you stay at the apartment despite not remembering him, the one that pays for all your need with his new found job, the one that's with you through the twisted road for you to remember the people you love and cherished. And so that night, you confronted him.

"Please let me help, Kuroo."

Despite the sting in his heart when hearing you call him with his last name, he cant hold himself back. Afterall, saying no to you feels so heavy for him to do.

You felt familiar under his touch, under his warmth. And whatever he did to your body, you always response accordingly. He knew every parts of your body, every beauty and insecurities. He knew what to do, because before the incident it's not like you two were playing holy-boy holy-girl in your relationship.

There's this momenterally serotonin he felt when being connected with you once again. Seeing your raw emotions of pleasure and your body doing the talking. It feels like everything was back like how it was. Everything was normal, back when you would know every part of him as much as he does, back when you utter the words of love as much as he does. But, he described the feeling as "momenterally" for a reason.

You two spend the night, cuddled againts each other, or could also be said him pulling you close out of habbit. But after experiencing one of the world's pleasure with you again, he really just need to be slapped with a sour something.

"Kuroo... I don't think I could keep pretending..."

Because deep in your heart, Kuroo Tetsurou is still a stranger in your foggy head. To your old self, your old memories, he would be the man of your dreams, the man you wish would spend forever with you. But now everything is different. You tried to find that passion within you for him, it's not like it's that hard because he was an attractive man. Despite all that, you come to realized it feels wrong. You knew, you've been knowing of how he loves you with all his beings and existence, while you only stays and manifested your love for him through a facade and a form of "Pity" for his desperate heart. It fills your chest with aching guilt, feeling as if you're using him at his more vulnurable mental and emotional state.

One could say you utter your next words on panic and quite irrantional thinking. Yet it felt right at the back of your head, to let him break free from the past. To let yourself break free. Because your little heart cant keep this game much longer.

Yet, He wish you would for a little longer.

4 years passed by.

The whispering noises of the audiences are audible through the whole building. Some excited whispers, some casual talks. They're all waiting for you, not to mention the spiky haired JVA member.

His head hang low, looking down at the ground. Hands remains restless, patting his neat suit here and there and occasionally being put in his pant's socket. Beside him was Kenma, putting a hand behind his back and soothing his best friend.

Minutes passed by, and finally the slow music started playing, silently announcing to the people in the building of your soon arrival. The flower girl appeared from the door first, your nephew dressed In beautiful frilly white dress with flowers decorating. Her Tiny hands throwing the pastel mix colored petals as she skipped her way down the aisle. Some of your relatives coo'ed at her cute attics while throwing the flowers. And then when your form is visible In the room, all eyes are on you. Dolled up beautifully in your long white wedding attire, a thin veil lightly covering your face. You walked down the aisle, a family member holding one of your arm, accompanying you to your soon to be husband.

If someone were to ask what Kuroo Tetsurou though Angels looked like, he would describe this scene in front of him.

The scene was beautiful and breath-taking to Kuroo's eyes. Even Kenma can hear his tall friend's breath hitching for a second when his eyes land on you. Your face moved up, eyes locking at Kuroo's cat like ones as if on instinct. You two starred for a few seconds, before a small smile softly tugged at the edge of your glossed lips. But after that smile, you turned your head and tore your gaze away from his.

A drop of tear unconciously traveled down his face. Followed by another from his other eye, and then followed by a few more soon after. He's silently crying, holding on a sob as his hands formed in a fist shakingly. Kenma of cource notices this, as he glanced to his tall friend beside him. But he was unsure of what to do himself that can comfort his best friend, and so he continued rubbing (hopefully) comforting circles behind the taller male's back.

Afterall, Kenma doesn't think he's in a much better emotional state than Kuroo at this moment either. Where Kuroo cried on his realization of fully loosing you to another, Kenma hold tears of his mix emotions. Kenma's happy for you and your soon to be husband, but he cant help but sympathize with Kuroo. Afterall he's the only guy that has seen and hear you two go through all the hard and happy Times. It's always you three since grade school. Even though you and Kuroo formed a romantic relationship Along the way, you two never left Kenma behind and Kenma never stop supporting you two. And at this moment, Kenma is unsure how to feel with the whole ordeal. He wanted his best friend back together like before, but he doesn't want to force you in to it, not when you forgot all those happy and sad Times you three experienced together.

And as you reached the end of the aisle, a hand awaited to take yours in. A hand that was not Kuroo's, but someone whom he atleast knew at one point in life. Osamu Miya. The man you met and developed deep feelings for, after you left him back in Tokyo.

Kuroo thinks you're being subconciously quiet mercifull for him. If you were to marry someone you and him knew for years, it would be more painful for him to try and mask his sadness with a smiling face in false supportive-ness. And as he sat there in silent tears, he watch and listens to you ex-changing vows with the Kansai man you've chosen to plan your new future with.

He wish it was him again. He wish he has that privilages to be a part of your future again.

Afterall he already planned everything beforehand.

As Osamu slipped the gold ring through your delicate finger, Kuroo's mind went back to a few days a go. Where he had found a neatly wrapped letter in his mailbox. He wished he didn't come when you had sent him a wedding invitation. But years of not seeing you nor ex-changing much conversation through text, could add to the factor on how desperate he is to remain in contact with you. Even after years, He's not used to being so far away like this yet.

His cat like eyes bore on to the piece of decorated paper.

How he wish it was his name written there beside yours.

5 years has passed by since the wedding.

After the ceremony Kuroo only greeted a few familiar faces and then silently leave with Kenma. For some reason Kuroo doesn't have it in him to face you, nor say his congratulations for you. He doesn't feel like tugging a smile for you at all that day. He hoped you didn't dechiper his emotionless face as something bad.

Now he's sitting in quietly, looking at the stars above him. Behind him can be seen a wooden cabin he had rent for a small nature trip, by himself. He thinks maybe he needs it, to atleast distract himself from the though of you. Honestly the first thing that dragged him to nature and disconnect with technology, is when he sees a picture being posted by Osamu Miya and shared by Atsumu on his social account. A picture of you and your 3 year old daughter with Osamu, smiling happily as it seems the three of you are eating at Onigiri Miya.

But for some reason, having his time within the fresh air of the mountains and therapeutic noises of the forest surrounding him, only Made his thoughs Drifts further on you. He though that your love is truly for him. He though that maybe he does deserve "forever". Maybe he shouldn't expect so much back then. There was never been a perfect love story from the beginning and he should've seen it coming. Even if all the odds around him seems to lead him on thinking "yes you two are meant together", maybe it's just another one of life's trial. He kept thinking like that through the 5 years.

Crouching down, Kuroo grabbed a small gasoline can that was placed beside his leg. He walked further to the wild, the backyard of the cabin, nearing a cliff where in the morning the breath-taking view of the waterfall and field can be seen. From his inside jacket pocket, he pulled out a paper file. When opening the file, it can be seen there are several papers within it and one quiet thick handmake-shift book.

He took a seat on the dirt, not minding some dust getting on his already dirty pants from the previous hike he had. One by one, his eyes wander off through the pieces of paper in the file, reading his small writings on it before dropping it to the ground in front of him. Until all the paper has been read lightly and dropped on the ground, he moved to the book. He only ever took the moment to fully and slowly read the words on the first date of the book. The date where he finally mustered the courage to confess his long-time feelings for you, and the date where he found out you also felt the same. Felt.

He schemed through the rest of the page, rather carelessly. Because he knew if he ever took the time to read each and every single plans he had for you and him, he would spend the rest of the night in tears. Heck maybe he couldn't even sleep seeing how many he wrote in the past.

Finally he reached the last page with his writings on it. His saving plans to buy you a ring. His written plan of how he was going to pull one of the best proposal action, only for you. Seems like all of that is for nothing now.

Kuroo closed the book, dropping it down with the other papers on the dirty ground. Standing up, he stretched his limbs lightly before moving to grab and open the gasoline can. Pouring all over the papers and book, not leaving any surfaces untouched, until all the papers are nicely soaked. After he emptied the gasoline can, he pulled a box of matches out from his pant's pocket.

He lights one up and throw it at the pile of papers. It went out before it could touch the wet surface, which Made Kuroo clicked his tongue in annoyence. He lights up another one, but this one went out in his hand when a sudden gush of wind hit his face. He groans in silent frustration.

'Now nature wants to hold me back?'

Was his first though.

He tries one more time. Lighting up a match, but this time dragging it down and guiding it to touch the surface of the papers. This time it finally lights up the flames on the paper. He sight contently, standing back up to see how the fire slowly covered and burns every pieces of papers and the book. Soon enough, the small fire turned in to a camp fire with the amount of fuels given to it.

The mountain around this place is quiet, especially at this time of the night. The only thing prominently audiable to the spiky haired male at the moment are the sound of the fire eating the papers.

And just like that his future plans are all ruined by the flames. The flames in front of him right now, and the flames of lingering love he still has for you. Just this week he figured he should destroy the pieces of papers that still Remind him of the old Times with you, so that he could move forward. He's in his late twenties already, he needs to get over with things and start looking up for his own future. No matter how lonely it seems like without you by his side.

He wish in another life, he could have the privilages to plan a future with you once again.

And maybe if that time does happen, he wish that everything wasn't just mere plans and wishes.

If he were to be given another chance, in another time or another universe,

He'll make sure to make every wish and plans he had in this life, a reality.

A solid reality of you and him.

But for this life, it seems like it was never meant to be.

- End

A/N: I hope I delivered well. Maybe- Actually I wish I could deliver my ideas better

Like wise, cover edit by me but the image belongs to the Haikyuu manga

[the-kings-of-games]

GET TO KNOW MY SHIP OT3 Edition: Kizunashipping

Character Profiles:

Jack Atlas - 20, blond, 6'3"/190 cm (manga height), oldest brother, no nicknames ("I'm not a mind reader, but Jack refers to himself as king in his head." —Yūsei)

Crow Hogan - 18, ginger, 5'7"/170 cm, youngest brother, no nicknames ("Crow-sama doesn't count if you're the only one who uses it. Just stick with bird." —Jack)

Yūsei Fudō - 19, raven with orange highlights, 5'8"/173 cm, middle child, no nicknames ("I think of Yūsei as a crab. It's the hair." —Crow)

How it happened: takes up the entire scale

When they first met as kids, Jack assumed Crow got bullied a lot for being small, Crow said the kid equivalent of "fuck off," and Yūsei invited him to duel. It was a tense two seconds of a first impression, but it ended very well and the three became thick as thieves. Over time, as they grew up, they got even closer, calling each other brothers and friends, a relationship that started immediately but also took the time to strengthen and become deeper. It was both intentional and unintentional at the same time as they did wanted to stay together but didn't expect it to ended the way it did. ❤️

Relationship attitude: as casual as they are dedicated, affections leaning on PDA

Kizuna is very casual about their relationship in that they don't have the need to tell the whole world, and they really enjoy small and rather private intimacy together. Crow is the most public about touching with Yūsei the most subtle ("reserved"). Jack is closer to Yūsei's level of public affections.

Crow loves being held and isn't embarrassed about being carried when he feels playful, asking for quick kisses when he feels like it. Yūsei is the type to do lingering touches, placing his hand on his friends' skin and taking them by the hand to lace their fingers, or just to squeeze, and he adores quiet, lazy moments in bed. Jack likes to hold his brothers, whether it's Crow on his lap or Yūsei lying on top of him. He likes feeling their weight against him and never complains about being used like a pillow or a stuffed animal.

Their dedication to each other is that they love each other and will always come at a time of need, but they understand each other's boundries and that each one of them is his own person. They never talked about having a physical or romantic relationship with other people, but they haven't really thought about it either. They're content with what they have, finding both family and friendship in each other.

Misadventures: depending on the situation, any one of them is getting them out of trouble and/or into trouble. How they do it differs from person to person.

Overall, Kizuna doesn't try to get into trouble on purpose, only when they have to or are asked to. Usually, Crow is told about it and faces it head on, Jack finds it accidentally, and Yūsei just has trouble following him. It can be a mess sometimes, but one of them is always there to bail the other two out; other times, it's two of them bailing one out. The trouble might not involve all of them, but at the end of the day, they'll all see it to the end one way or anyone.

Handling conflict: slow to forgive if someone else messes up badly, arguements are mostly Squabble

The arguments are mostly kept between them, Yūsei on the sideline. Crow is always telling Jack to pick up the slack, and Jack can't keep a job. They clash because of this, but serious fights rarely occur as this echoes a lot of their arguments as kids. Crow might get mad at Jack in the morning, but he's always happy to have Jack come home at night. Yūsei keeps out of these things because he already knows Jack won't change and Crow is stubborn. He almost never upsets Jack or Crow to the extent that they upset each other because he pulls off the best disappointed expression and they lose their steam quickly.

However, on the other, if someone else upsets or hurts one of them, they're all up in arms, ready to throw dukes cards. They are good duelists who also know how to use their fists. Yūsei tries to be reasonable most of the time, but he can and will hold a grudge, seeking some sort of retribution. Jack's a bit more vocal, using his tongue to make people back off while staring them down. Crow's the one who tries to work things out, but he'll take the bait if it's the right kind. Jack and Crow have the shorter fuses, but Yūsei can be just as slow to forgive.

Budget: Crow mostly takes care of the budget since he's the one with a stable business, and he's very careful about it. Yūsei provides a bit of extra cash with his handyman jobs and makes sure to record everything. Somehow, Jack is still able to purchase his expensive coffee. They are almost always close to being in the red.

Makes decisions: As the family accountant, Crow gets the final say on matters that needs to dip into their budget, ranging from inventory to traveling. All of them are capable of making decisions on their own, but it often comes in full circle.

Plans dates: They don't really go on dates; they just spend a lot of time together, whether it's going out of a ride and a duel or just being in the same room with one another. All they want is each other's company and presence, just like when they were growing up. They all have their own individual rooms for their own privacy, but very rarely would someone say no to spending the night together, or the afternoon, the morning, and the bit of time in between.

Besides, they can't afford to go on any of those popular date plans, there's not enough in their budget.

Cooks: They all cook, to varying degrees. Crow cooks the most, but it's mostly basic meals and to make sure everyone is eating. Yūsei cooks to pick up some responsibility when Crow is doing overtime or can't do it himself. Jack cooks too, but it's a lot of extravagant meals that taste great but isn't exactly the most affordable.

Cleans: They all have their own responsibilities at Poppo Time. (It is the sole reason that Jack doesn't get the boot, lol.) Yūsei handles the garage while Jack makes sure the upstairs floor is kept clean. He also does laundry. (Jack likes to live in a clean environment, so if he must, he'll clean.) Crow handles smaller chores like washing the dishes and buying groceries (since he's likely already out).

First to confess their feelings: Crow! He loves saying, "I love you," even as a kid, and he isn't embarrassed or shy about it. He loves it when Jack and Yūsei say it back.

First to apologize in a fight: Whoever realizes what they did wrong first. They might be stubborn, but they do understand that it's right to apologize when they're wrong or acted terribly. They were raised by a good woman after all.

The best caretaker when the others are sick: Jack! He's the one who can sit still the longest, usually with a book or a magazine, and stay by to see the first signs of discomfort. He has a strong sense of duty when it comes to taking care of his brothers when they're not well. He doesn't baby them (much), but he keeps track of when to do this and that very well. (He's actually good a time management.)

Does most of the speaking: They are all capable of speaking for themselves, but Jack is the one who likes to talk to people the most. He's a people person.

Sensitive to subtle changes in their partners: Yūsei! He's the observant type, even more so than his brothers, and catches things a lot more. He keeps a mental note of them and uses that information later for future use.

The one who proposes: None. They never get married or anything; they don't have the need to do so. It's enough that they chose to be together.

The one who would die to protect the others: This is all of them, but Yūsei would always volunteer first because he's like that.

Hogs the blanket: Crow. :3

Ticklish: "If you know the right spots, you can turn grumpy Jack and Yūsei into giggling ones!" —Crow

Good kisser: They all are, but Crow has the reputation. ;)

Irresponsible one: Depends. Jack's irresponsible for not being able to keep a stable job. Yūsei loses track of time a lot when working on the runners and forget to take care of himself. Crow likes to start shit with his brothers for giggles, already knowing the consequences of his actions.

Crow: . . . [hiccups]

Akiza: . . . Are you crying?

Crow: [hiccups] Yeah.

Akiza: Did you annoy Yūsei again?

Crow: Yeah. [sniffles]

.

Akiza: Did you learn anything this time?

Crow: . . . Never.

.

.

Here are a few of my Kizuna fics!:

Story of Old, rated T

Taking Care of Crow, rated G

Unbreakable Bonds, rated G

School Days, rated T

[padawanlost]

The thing that gets to me with Anakin is, unlike with most characters with terrible childhoods, his childhood wasn't the cause of him doing the wrong thing in the end, it was actually the arguably better circumstances he was in after. With most characters it's "I'm evil because tragic backstory of abuse, etc", but with Anakin, he would probably have been better off left on Tatooine as a slave and that says a lot.

Yes, but i’d also like to add that Anakin’s childhood role in his own downfall works as a reminder, even if an unintentional one, that ignoring something doesn’t make it go away. That any philosophy or way of life, even one as benign as the Jedi’s, when taken to extremes can cause harm. Yes, so many terrible adult behaviors are the result of unhealthy childhoods but Anakin’s case take us one step further by showing us that taking a child from a traumatic situation is only half the battle.

Unlike those who subscribe to the “Anakin was whiny/spoiled” theory, I don’t believe Anakin had a pampered life as a Jedi. I don’t believe Qui-Gon’s rescue saved Anakin and made his childhood okay. Better than poverty and slavery? Yes, Gui-Gon gave him a childhood free of *those* traumas, but not a childhood free of (all) trauma. Being forced away from everything and everyone you know and love can be just as traumatic as being bullied, beaten and starved.

As you said, it’s pretty evident that Anakin was happier as a slave than he was as a Jedi, and once we realize that truth it’s impossible to not recognize the damage the Jedi life inflicted on him. Unlike so many fictional antagonists, Anakin’s story doesn’t tell us that bad childhood breeds bad people, it doesn’t try to excuse his current behavior on his past. In turn, It tells us that unhealthy upbringings and untreated trauma are damaging to *everyone*. The problem wasn’t in Anakin’s childhood, it was in the society that dismissed and ignored all the warning signs. We could say it’s a cautionary tale. It forces to look at our own responsibilities as humans and as citizens. We can bury our heads in sand and pretend everything wrong in the world is the result of one person’s actions or we can own up to our choices and acknowledge our role in it all. Anakin’s fate is the result of his actions as an adult but we can’t pretend his actions as an adult weren’t shaped by everything that happened in his life. the sad part is that, for Anakin, the most brutal part of his life was the most happy and that his formative years were spent surrounded by adults who were trying to manipulate and use him or were simply ignoring his issues (or their true source).

That’s why I believe it’s fair to say Anakin’s childhood, as traumatic as it was, wasn’t the real problem. The real problem was that as a child/teen Anakin was surrounded by people unable or unwilling to help him heal. He was removed from a terrible situation but he wasn’t “saved”, he wasn’t helped. At least, not in the way he truly needed.

This is also why it’s so frustrating to see people put everything on Anakin’s shoulder. Idk, it reminds me so much of the dismissive nature of our society (and most fictions) on the subject of mental health. Oh the person was removed from immediate harm? Then everything is fine, they get to live happily ever after and behavior that deviates from that is labeled as weakness.

Anakin didn’t made bad decisions because he was stupid, crazy, weak or arrogant. He made them because he was ill, because he needed help, counseling and no one around was capable/willing to provide him the help he so desperately needed. Don’t get me wrong, Anakin made some terrible things and he absolutely should be held accountable for his own choices as an adult but to dismiss all the trauma and abuse he survived throughout his entire life is, in my opinion, unspeakably cruel.