#I'm rlly weird abt history ok. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

umflowers · 15 days

Note

hi! uh just a warning this is fairly nsfw but i don't really know where else i can vent abt this so sorry 😅 you were just kind of the first person who came to mind for telling this bc i don't rlly wanna talk to my friends or whoever about this. anwyays. all nsfw from now on! slight mention of sa btw (sorry!)

so! today i tried to get myself off for the first time in ever, i'm pretty sure. i probably tried to like, search around in that region when i was little? because i was curious as to what's down there but not sure of the language to actually google it, but i don't think that that counts. anyway! i'm just like. ok so i tried two times today technically: in and right after i got out of the shower (maybe like 6pm est? also counting those as the same time because there was a very much negligible gap between them) and about an hour and five-ten minutes ago, bc no one was home other than me and my dog.

first time: i did NAUGHT know what i was doing, anatomy wise. specifically, according the planned parenthood diagram i looked at right right after getting out of the shower (part of the negligible gap), i was going for the urethra. oops. but thanks to the mighty power of planned parenthood, i figured it out! i tried for a little bit, just experimenting, and i'm pretty sure i was getting the hang of it! at least until i had to take my dog out bc he needed to go out. but after that, i was like, THRUMMING with excitement, because well, i was excited! after i got out of the shower, i was playing 'summer' by circadian clock and baethoven, btw. not rlly relevant, just what i had playing before i went to shower, i just felt like mentioning that.

second time: i get everything rlly prepared. i put on agora hills (the doja cat song) to try and set the mood. i lie down, and i try (now with the knowledge of where the clit is), and i STILL can't do it. not even after like, 45 minutes!!!! which is honestly just ridiculous. i get myself wet a couple times, which is nice, because it means that i'm not completely fucking up (how that's the first swear word in this i have no idea but 🤷‍♂️ we move), but it's still annoying because i kept on drying up after a certain point!!! which is just soooo annoying and i'm just. it didn't WORK is my problem. like, i tried to use spit to get it going a little, but that barely worked bc i kept on having to do it, and again, I KEPT ON LOSING THE FRICKING CLIT!!!!! is it the curse of being a boy (tboy for clarification) that's making this not work?? when i ended up a boy in a girl's body, did god just say "oh well i'll just make it impossible for you to find the clit so you can have at least one part of the boy experience" ?!?!?!?!?!! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!!!!! this might also be my punishment for not paying attention to sex ed, but in my defense i was shown porn in fourth grade because my ex bff's older sister forgot to clear her browsing history and i immediately became SUPER sex repulsed (having to lie about it to my parents, the weird shame that came with it being interesting, religion, and the fact that i'm pretty sure it was one of those stepsis/stepbro things where the guy was basically assaulting the girl did NOT help imo) and decided i would never do any of that stuff ever and thus did not need sex ed so. well that's besides the point! i think i'm just mad that i can't even get myself off. i'll admit the music kind of helped, but not really all that much, and i wasn't sure what to do with anything, and i DID try to imagine stuff but nothing actually WORKED which was really annoying and yeah. rant over. thanks!!1

hello nonnie! well first off, strange as it may sound, i'm touched that you thought of me to rant to about this bc i always hope i make people feel safe to talk about things 💜 secondly, anything i say is just my personal insights, bc i have no medical training and am def not qualified to teach sex ed :p going through everything you said, it may be a combination of things? firstly, it's great that you found some music that was helping! but if i may ask, were you trying to make everything perfect to the extent that you built up masturbating into this big thing in your head and that stressed you out about it? cuz stress and anxiety can make it hard to orgasm. if so, it's okay to be excited about trying! but maybe give yourself just a bit of a cooling off period and try to relax about giving it another try and come to just see it as a fun new thing c: masturbation can be as much about learning your body and what it and you like as it is about reaching the finish line secondly, do you happen to be neurodivergent, especially if you have adhd? i personally have a really hard time achieving orgasm (like. my husband and our [female] fwb were laughing about 'punching in for their shift' when we had a threesome bc she cums really easily, meanwhile they're like taking turns as their arms got tired trying to get me there once lol) for a variety of reasons, but one of those is in fact that i have a hard time focusing due to adhd. it's not bc i'm not enjoying myself or anything like that, but just like in all other situations in life my mind just drifts, so i've learned to kind of guide myself back and make sure i'm in the moment as a side-note to that, do you have chronic pain? often those of us who do are constantly cataloging what hurts, how badly, and why, and that can be super distracting. d'you know how many orgasms have been killed for me by my hip or calf or thigh or ass cheek or neck cramping oml x_x; so if you have chronic pain, wait for your body to be in a place where it can take some tensing muscles and you don't have to focus so hard on that

as for the anatomy, i'm glad planned parenthood once again came to the rescue! there are a lot of people who didn't get the education they deserved on their own anatomy, so that's nothing to be ashamed of <3 i used to just rub at the lips and be like 'c'monnn, do something' lol. as for losing your clit, belieeeeve me i understand. clits come in all different sizes and also swell as you get more turned on, plus if you start getting really wet that thing is like a little slip 'n' slide. one thing i found that helped was getting a hitachi wand-style vibrator, cuz the vibrating head is big, so good fuckin' luck ducking out from under that thing, clit. but also, gauge your own sensitivity bc those wands are usually pretty powerful and can be overwhelming to some people, especially when you're new to masturbating. you can start smaller, too. there are any number of sites to buy sex toys from, but the one i personally use is adam & eve (https://www.adameve.com/). try poking around on there if you like and getting a feel for what clitoral vibrators are available and what you think might work for you, if that's of interest ^^ i would definitely recommend not trying in or right after you get out of the shower - i know shower sex gets shown in movies and porn a lot, but having tried it? in practice it actually tends to dry a vagina out bc it washes away our natural lube. and also! lube! lube is your friend. even if you're not doing anything penetrative, a little dollop on the clit goes a long way to making anything you're doing feel way better. water-based lube (which a lot of lubricants are) is usually better than oil-based, and remember to never use oil-based lube with a sex toy bc it wears down the surface of the toy. as for the trauma when you were young, i'm so sorry you had to experience that :c i understand religious sexual oppression and the lingering effects it can have, as well as sexual trauma, believe me. it's possible that that's also contributing to why you couldn't orgasm, but that's also nothing to be ashamed of. it's okay to react to things, especially when you're a kid and you don't even really understand what you're experiencing. also, and you certainly don't need to tell me if you're not comfortable, but being trans, do you have any dysphoria regarding your genitals? i've known trans people across the spectrum with this, from being able to masturbate without any problem to being unable to clean up in the restroom without it affecting them mentally, and it's all valid. if you do, that of course can also affect how much you enjoy masturbating.

as for having a hard time picturing things, ooooh my god i get it. i have aphantasia, so i have a hard time picturing anything in my head, and i'm also an auralist so i'm more turned on by sound than sight, anyway. if you're unable to or uncomfortable with watching porn, you could try audio porn if it would appeal to you? there are people who just either improv or read prepared scripts, and it's only audio. you can find any number of kinks, accents, gender pairings, etc. my go-to for it is actually a subreddit called gone wild audio. all in all i'd say, wait until you know you'll have a decent amount of time to yourself so you don't have to worry about someone walking in. take the pup for a walk first if they're anywhere near due for one (and please give them a pat for me!) and just try to relax and see it as enjoyable, not something that you have to figure out or be perfect at right away. it's easier to orgasm the more you're enoying yourself, and trying to race to the finish line ends up being stressful. get some lube (i swear by astroglide, but it can be pricey and there are perfectly good cheaper options!) and, if you're able and want to, some kind of vibrator and see what that does for you, then go from there and build on your knowledge of what you enjoy (: good luck! you're always welcome to send another ask or message me if you like 💜

#ask #answered #long post

1 note · View note

londonloves · 2 years

Note

For the music ask game— 8, 9, 13!

Ok firstly thank you so much i love all these questions :)))))

8. tell me about your favorite band. go on infodump for me.

Ok i'm not gonna infodump blur for obvious reasons. Gotta say DIIV bc i feel like they're pretty underrated but am in love with pretty much all of their discography and return to it regularly. Cole’s vocals are really soft and he sings abt depressing stuff which is v fitting. He had an addiction problem which is where most of the dark parts of their music stems from. I think he used to b a kinda toxic/kurt cobain wannabe. He seems pretty chill now and has been clean for a few yrs. Used to have shoulder length dyed blonde hair and omg it was so hot i stg his face <3 he has it shaved now, also cool. The other band members: one seems normal. One wears rlly weird clothes nd has massive eyebrows but is obsessed with gardening. The last one is actually crazy. Idk if he has a drug problem (would b very surprised given Cole’s history), but the way he acts on stage is a little scary. Entertaining though. He wears his hair in plaits sometimes though. PLAITS!!!!! Its so cute and honestly not enough guys do this. It’s the soft vocals with the heavy shoegaze that’s so good though

9. what’s an album that JUST came out and it’s been on repeat for like 6 days +?

I hate to say this but I rarely listen to whole albums anymore, i just pick and choose songs (one of those things abt streaming services!!)...but a song that just came out which i have had on repeat for over a week now is Blind Date by Joy Orbison and Overmono. Its insanely good and i will continue to play it till i'm sick of it

13. what is one album that has irreparably damaged your social skills?

Souvlaki by slowdive. I’m pretty sure listening to this is what started my habit of sitting by myself on the bus purely so I could listen to music and not talk to ppl I knew :/

That or Elliot smith self titled

#asks #thank you again!!#<3

1 note · View note

cutemeat · 2 years

Note

wait as a newish fan can you tell me how / why rob is misogynist? (like besides his weird things on the podcast lol idk if theres more) and also who is jordan lol

ok im gonna say first of all i was mostly just joking in those tags ur referring to KJNFGDKJ just as full disclosure before I dig into this any further. ..

that being said, me joking abt that stuff in regard to rob is bc it just seems like rob is insecure about how he's contributed to a shitty system and really screwed someone (jordan reid, aka the original Sweet Dee) over personally and after being made more aware of his place in contributing to said system he's overcompensating while he's working thru some of that.... and uh. in all honesty it's something that i find funny and make jokes about cuz i am also someone with an extremely fragile ego n it feels good to deflect and make fun of someone else for having a fragile ego LOL

so it seems like rob's talking on the podcast and in other interviews abt misogyny n trying to 'correct' himself or pulling out that fuckin button on the podcast for 'Solves the North Korea Situation'.... i think this ties into him reconnecting with Jordan (who, like i said, was the og sweet dee who got booted from the production at the last minute largely as result of her n rob breaking up n none of the other guys backing her up...) and basically writing the MQ ep A Dark Quiet Death about that whole situation and the falling out.. idk it just seems like. maybe having to reconcile the fact he has been A Part Of The Problem and an asshole has gotten to him n again it feels like he overcompensates for that in the pod n i like to exploit those insecurities im familiar with in my own ways for laughs LOL. but yknow... i am a 20 yr old unemployed HS drop out on tumblr dot com n hes got a nice mansion and successful career in the film industry so i dont feel like im gonna hurt any feelings here..

so with all that context out of the way: i dont think rob is Actually some raging misogynist ... and if he is I wouldn't know either way cuz I Dont Know The Guy! so def take what I say here with a grain of salt I am very often not being serious and bad at using tone indicators so I do apologize if any of it gets confusing kjndfgkjd. he def has been misogynistic in the ways a lot of men will be without rlly thinking much of it (think dennis' obliviousness to how insane some of his logic about women sounds on sunny, but maybe less predatory but again idk the guy lol) but as of now he seems like he's more aware of that n better late than never n all that!

(once again.. a lot of my opinions here are mostly based in my own experiences and emotions projected onto people and situations I have only heard accounts of in articles/blog posts/podcasts n interviews so def keep that in mind. don't take me as the authority on anything lol. google 'jordan reid' + 'always sunny' and read thru her old blog posts about the situation if u are so inclined and draw your own conclusions! but like i said it's a mostly interpersonal thing between two ppl i dont know and it doesnt seem like there's much bad blood on that interpersonal level anymore rather than anger with a system that failed her. that being said its def a part of the shows history that shouldn't just be forgotten or discarded as it is apart of a larger issue anyway. srry this is all so messy if it wasnt obvious by how badly i am at talking abt this stuff i feel weird talking about strangers lives even celebs but yknow. tbh if i wanna make jokes abt this shit i should be prepared to explain myself anyway. like god im so bad at talking abt any of it seriously but i always wanna know all the dirt cuz I'm so fuckin nosy I love drama n gossip and Backstory!!!)

+ this is an older article that sorta sums up the events n links to her blogpost about it!

#pretty sure The Gang Gets a New Member was a first attempt at addressing this situation #but the DQD episode is much more obvious with what its about n honestly done a little better cuz its clearer lol #in summary: parker has NO CLUE what the fuck theyre talking about and it SHOWS!

11 notes · View notes

lostjulys · 3 years

Note

It sounds like you take a lot of cool classes, what kind of stuff do you learn? Ik you complain ab them a lot but they seem interesting

LMAO i do complain a lot abt them huh <3 to be fair. all the stuff im learning is objectively interesting it's just that 1) all my professors r most awful kind of scum they're all bigoted in fifteen different ways each fucking worse than the last and everything at this institution is part of this insanely fucked up echo chamber of reactionary ultra-conservative traditional catholicism. 2) i'm incredibly disillusioned with most of this stuff because i got pushed off the edge into it from behind with no choice or consent a long time ago and i'm very very sick of it.

with that being said, a lot of the stuff i'm doing IS interesting and i've got a lot of experience that most ppl my age don't have lmao!

so the main classes i'm taking this year are:

aristotelian/classic philosophy- right now we're reading through the prior analytics. which is like. cool if ur into that. u get stuff like. this

which is fun <3 a lot of stuff about like. the nature of things. being and non being. etc etc etc.

aristotelian logic- this one is ok. i like this class actually. it's related to philosophy, but it's basically just like........ breaking down the way we think and reason into weird building blocks like syllogisms and tautologies and shit. i like when things make sense.

^bullshit like this. <3

also im doing latin which is uhhhhhhh cool ig i've been studying latin since i was like, nine so its kind of lost any charm it has for me? in this class we're doing prose comp basically i have to learn how to write essays except in really fancy latin it sucks <3

the other cool/unusual thing im doing is schola! i guess it counts as a class? a schola is basically, like. a choir, except it's specifically focused on liturgical music- almost always gregorian chant and polyphony. i like this. i love singing. liturgical music is another thing i've been doing for a rlly long time and it's kind of the only thing i partially like about. gestures. everything.! we do a boatload of gregorian chant, which is. its own type of beast idk how to describe it i linked a vid. and i dearly love polyphony.

takin a couple other things like new testament history/music history/etc but those r fairly normal im pretty sure? anyway rn i'm a classics major, with the classes im taking i could easily do philosophy too but um. no. <3 in an ideal world next year i transfer somewhere else & do stuff that i actually wanna do lmaooo ^_^ so yh!

#religion /#catholicism /#yeah objectively its cool. i fucking hate all of this shit it has been very soured for me due to uhhh a whole bunch of stuff which is #a pity b/c objectively its cool. fuck dude i just wanna sew stuff.#asks :)#long post

4 notes · View notes

gabrielitas · 3 years

Note

phew it's good to know i'm boy the only one super behind lmao

alright answering questions and asking some more because i have a funny little group of questions that mean nothing but i like to ask

alright so i do bias soonyoung 🙄🙄 didn't think you'd guess so early. i also like seokmin and minghao 🥴🤤 aLSO, WHY HAS SEUNGCHEOL BEEN LOOKING SO CUTE RECENTLY I CANT HANDLE 😩😩

outside of kpop i may or may not have had an emo phase (read: fall out boy, panic!at the disco, my chemical romance). i may or may not still listen emo music. i also LOVE CONAN GRAYYY. idk if he's still indie but i love indie too! probably one of my favorite genres though is classical (instrumental if you wanna get technical 🙄 been yelled at bc cLaSsiCaL iS a TiMe PeRiOd)

the best of us had emo phases ☝️ mine is a little longer lasting three years in middle school. due to this, fall out boy is one of my favorite artists! i’m also a big tchaikovsky fan, and i like doja cat a lot too!

in response to your question about 1518 strasbourg, this is when and where the dancing plague of 1518 happened dnsbsbshja. it's where the phrase "dance till you die" originated lmao. i think it'd be funny to witness this/take part in it. aside from that, id probably fuck with california in 1849 because the gold rush🧎‍♀️, france in the 1880s, or america in the 1980/1990s! i’m a history nerd courtesy of my father, so i choose all my time periods based off some of my favorite historical events! 1880s for architecture mostly, gold rush because lawlessness and the "wild west", and the 80s for the cold war :)

the night is beautiful if you take the time to live it. for me, my favorite time across the board is lunch time-12:00 ish to 3:00 just because the sun is highest and i feel happiest! i like the night when i go out on bike rides because i feel alive/ like i’m not wasting my teen years

GIRL IM NORTHEAST US TOO DJNSBSBSVABWB #goals lmao

i have 1 sister and she's super annoying🙄 i also have 2 cats and a dog (i consider them my siblings)

the most recent show i binged and finished was criminal minds, and i tried supernatural but it's just so bad i cant get past season 11. i’m working on hannibal right now!

the last book i really enjoyed was the summer i turned pretty! i’m a sucker for romance books 😩

questions i've got:

- do you have any siblings or pets?

- do you play any instruments?

- what's your favorite font?

- how many pillows and stuffed animals do you sleep with? (i have too many to count)

- would you rather live in an urban, suburban, or rural setting?

I FRIKIN KNEW U BIASED SOONYOUNG UR VIBES R SO HORANGHE I COULD JUST TELL and i gotta say ur the second person who’s had both minghao and soonyoung on ur bias list and i just find that so funny cuz they’re polar opposites to me (also u have impeccable taste with minghao that boy is my ult and has my whole heart) AND OMG RIGHT??? seungcheol needs to *CHILL*😤

omg yes conan gray😫 this is gonna sound whiny but heather was one of my favorite songs of his before it became a tiktok trend💅

and yes the best of us *did* have emo phases, mine lasted from late 8th grade into the first half of freshman year, so it was kinda short lived but it still happened lol

also, seeing tchaikovsky and doja cat next to each other in a sentence is so funny (but in a weird way i get it lol) i’m not the *biggest* classical/instrumental fan, but i have def used it as study music when songs with lyrics r just too distracting. back to doja tho!! have u listened to her new album?? do u have a fav song off of it? (i haven’t listened to all of it but i do have a couple that i rlly like)

omg how did i not recognize that u were talking abt the dancing plague!!!!!🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ idk if u watch buzzfeed unsolved or watcher but they have a series called puppet history and the episode on the dancing plague is one of my favorites! also omg yes another history nerd who knows abt history b/c of her dad!!!! i’m prob most knowledgeable abt wwii, the civil rights movement in the us, and the spanish civil war cuz those r my dads main interests and i was sat down in front of documentaries abt those topics at the age of like, 3 lol. and wanting to experience the wild west is such a perfect and iconic era to want to live in, and wanting to experience the cold war is so funny (b/c i’m sure the ppl who were living it without knowing the ending like us felt the exact opposite lol)

and yes the night is so beautiful when u just give it ur attention. like, on my birthday it was raining and i didn’t have school the next day (and my birthdays i’m may so it was pretty warm) so i just went outside at like, midnight ish and listened to the rain and crocheted and it was truly so nice 😫 also omg last year when covid had us all at home i went for a bike ride almost every day after school to just get out of my room and it was so nice!! it was my bike from when i was like, 12 but i’m 4’11 so i was still able to ride it without a problem lsnsksns

and yes pets r absolutely siblings, my cat prob acts more like s typical sibling than my two younger siblings do lsnsksns (srsly tho my cat is an asshole she fucked up my leg the other day cuz i gave her food late smh)

omg hun season 11?? how many seasons of that goddamn show r there??? i couldn’t get past episode 1😭 (i rlly only started watching it b/c of dean from gilmore girls sksnksns) the show i’m currently bingeing rn tho is downton abbey, as i’m sure u can tell from how much downton shit u had to scroll past to find my answer to ur last ask alskkskjsjs (i’m so so sorry 😭)

ooo that sounds like a rlly good book title, what was it abt? i just finished a secret history (which FUCKED ME UP MY GOD THERES A LOT OF MURDER) and i’m currently working on the sequel to my name is asher lev by chaim potok (who is one of my fav jewish/classic literature authors and also just a rlly good author in general)

for ur questions:

-yes i do have siblings! two younger (one four and a half years younger and one a little over nine years younger than me so i’m the oldest by quite a bit lol) and i do have a pet! my cat sweetie who is an asshole who i love very much

-i took piano for like a year in second grade but then third grade happened and i was rlly bad at math so my parents switched from paying for piano lessons to paying for math tutoring lessons and i now remember literally nothing from piano lessons sksnksns

-i,,, dont think i have a favorite font? i do like to write in cursive and have a collection of calligraphy pens that i bust out on special occasions so there’s that i guess lol

-ok i have two normal pillows, one chair/armrest/pillow thing (idk if that makes sense but that’s the only way i know how to describe it sksnksns), a body pillow, and a single stuffed bear that live on my bed

-ooo so this is difficult for me cuz i technically live in a suburb but we’re *right next* to a major city in my state (like i’m a 20ish min car ride from my states baseball stadium and a 20 min walk to the college of the major city) so this has kinda made me rlly like both? like, i like the quiet of the suburbs but i cant handle not being able to walk to the closest boba shop or movie theatre or bookshop but i also don’t rlly love the noise and lights that there are in the city at night. so idk sksnksns

what do u like more tho? the city or the suburbs? also since u asked the question i’m assuming u have a fav form and i’m now rlly interested in finding out what it is lol

goodnight!❤️ (or good morning if ur seeing this in the morning since i’m answering this at midnight lol)

#🐯 anon #caratanonevent3 #asked and answered

3 notes · View notes

littlebigafterdark · 4 years

Note

I'm feeling in a particular mood for some more Logan stuff, (totally not my comfort character who unfortunately is a medium for a lot of angst /s) so maybe the almost-relapse?

the littles accidentally trigger logan's ED (janus and patton help him thru it)

This is a copy pastd from a really long message i sent to liv a few weeks ago, just in case the grammar is weird or somethin!

oOo

context: whenever roman is a brat and refuses to eat dinner, logan gets noticeably more frustrated than with any other bratty behaviour because it hits too close to home to his eating disorder

so...

one day when patton is out somewhere, maybe at his carpentry class ((thats actually slightly spoilers for a big concept for the main blog lol)), logan has both the littles

and roman is bratty and refuses to eat dinner and logan breathes evenly and tries not to worry abt it bc he KNOWS roman always eats, hes just doing it to be annoying, breathe, he isnt actually restricting its ok

and logan was literally holding the baby fork up to vees mouth and suddenly she giggles and pushes it away

"come on baby, yummy time" logan coos and smiles a little but he doesnt feel it, and with his other hand he tickles lightly under vees chin and she giggles and logan smiles and goes to feed her again

but she pushes the fork away and babbles "mo bima!"

and roman laughs "yeah, no dinner! no dinner!" and bounces

and logan is feeling rlly shaky and hot suddenly and swallows thickly and ignores roman, and keeps looking at vee "princess, please open up," trying not to pay attention to how shaky his voice is. "its papa's spaghetti remember? yummy" he nods enthusiastically and goes to feed her again

but again vee just giggles all squeaky and pushes the fork away and looks at roman with a big smile for his approval. and roman is like "yeah vee! rebellion!!!" still so playful

but he hasnt noticed logans chest is heaving a little and hes staring at where vee pushed the fork away and logan was too shaky not to drop it on the floor.

and he looks up at vee and how small she is and how shes genuinely on the lower end of average weight and they need to make sure she doesnt dip down into underweight and thinks about how terrified he is of the idea that if she did develop an ED like he did it would be so dangerous and he cant see his baby go through that and-

it just hits him so so so harshly and hes suddenly crying and roman and vee freeze and look at him. and he hurriedly wipes away his tears and breathes shakily and tries to say again

"vee pl-please just ea--" and his throat closes up, he cant even say the word 'eat' and he gags on his tears and jumps up from his chair to run out to the downstairs bathroom and locks himself in trying to calm down and stop gagging.

and he can hear vee crying and roman - adult now - promising her its okay, mama feels a bit sicky but everythings okay, lets phone nana, its ok baby

and logan is breathing too fast and shaking and crying with his back against the bathroom door, not gagging anymore, but unable to take himself outside

. he hears roman feeding vee, and vee giggling and clearly enjoying the food, but no matter how comforting that is to hear he cant get over that genuine terror he felt when vee refused to eat, its his worst nightmare for vee to develop disordered eating - for any of them, but vee is already very thin and it could be critical, and logan cant get over that

when janus arrives (barely ten minutes later, he must have jumped in the car straight away which is only used for emergencies bc of janus' partial blindness) he speaks quietly to roman, and of course theyre trying to be subtle

but the kitchen is only across the hall from the bathroom and logan hears every word of roman explaining what happened and how confusing it was and how patton wont be home for another forty five minutes and roman didnt want either vee or logan to be alone but they probably shouldnt be around each other right now since vee gets so upset when the others arent happy

roman tries to talk to logan first through the bathroom door, apologising for misbehaving and promising he wont do that again. but can logan tell him what exactly was so bad about it this time? so roman can not do whatever it is in future.

but logan cant bring himself to say anything. he cant tell roman about this at least not yet he hasnt felt ready yet even if its been years and he doesnt know if he ever will be ready to tell roman about his ED

so after realising logan wont talk to him, roman swaps with janus. janus doesnt know the details but he knows theres something about logan and eating and hes made an educated guess from all the fibs hes heard over the years.

"hey, dic" (janus' unsavoury nickname for logan that he insists is just short for dictionary) "do you need a glass of water?"

logans throat is actually dry from hyperventilating and he says with a quiet scratchy voice through the door "yes please"

and when janus brings it to the door he just knocks gently and when logan opens the door to accept it janus doesnt make any comment on logans messy hair where hes run his hand through it or on his glassy red rimmed eyes or on the tremble of his fingers. but he does say "i know it must be so cozy in there" he nods to the cramped cold bathroom "but you might just prefer it in your room"

logan flushes a little and nods, comes out of the bathroom and heads to the stairs, but he pauses at the bottom of the stairs thinking... he doesnt know if he can be trusted alone upstairs. theres another bathroom up there and the gagging has made his stomach churn and he feels FULL from dinner and if only he emptied it then maybe he would feel better right? .... no

so he rasps without turning back to janus "i... i cant be alone"

"look behind you, idiot" janus says and its far closer than logan remembered him being.

he whips his head round to see janus was following closely behind him. janus raises a pierced eyebrow "well, are we going to stand in the stairway all night?" and of course its snarky but its soft too

so logan breathes deeply and they go upstairs to his room. janus makes himself at home, immediately grabbing a book from logans book case and collapsing sideways in logans armchair as soon as they stepped in the room. logan reclines on his bed and sips his water and does breathing exercises and tries to not feel humiliated about this breakdown

every time logan tries to apologise for disturbing janus' evening (he didnt) or asks if janus is sure roman is grownup enough to look after vee appropriately (he is) or insists that he is okay to be left alone now (he's not) janus just murmurs "shut up im reading"

when patton gets back roman just tells him logan isnt feeling good and patton hurries up to see him - and upon seeing his husband logan is overcome by shame that he almost relapsed and relief that his best friend is here and a wave of tears that he tries and fails to blink away

and janus just quietly bids them good night and promises he'll stay a couple hours to keep roman and vee company, but patton insists he stays the night in pattons room (its not safe for him to drive in thr dark) and janus is used to this routine by now that he knows where the spare pillows are

so janus leaves quietly and logan croaks "thanks, old man" trying to sound casual but regretting it when his voice shakes. janus just holds up a peace sign and closes logans door behind him on the way out.

as soon as the door closes logans face crumples and he hides his eyes behind his arm and patton practically bounds over to logan and climbs onto bed next to him and cradles logans head to his shoulder as he cries

they stay like that, cuddling in bed, patton cradling logans head and kissing the nape of his neck and wrapping his arm around logans waist to spoon him and whisper about what happened and how they can avoid it in future

but mainly they just breathe and cry together and patton fills the hours with soft affirmations of love and getting logan a tea and promising its okay if logan wants a cookie with it but logan says maybe later (later turns out to be 2:30 in the morning but at least it really was later)

they barely sleep that night but its all comfort and talking and by morning despite being exhausted, logan feels safer and breakfast goes by without a hitch

oOo

just some notes me and liv made that i think highlights some main points:

logan struggling so much even when he knows that the kids are just playing around and they don't really mean that they don't want to eat, but it's just one of those things that inevitably hits too close to home

it just suddenly hit him! like any other day he can cope with roman doing that, its a small blip usually, but the fact that VEE started refusing food freaked logan out so much bc they genuinely have to keep an eye on her weight just bc shes naturally so small

his emotions about his history with an ED plus his overprotective mama cg space making him nearly go into a panic attack from the thought that vee could develop an ED is very sad and very true

and janus coming right away!! and he and roman handle the siatuation so well, like roman was so smart knowing not to leave logan alone, and janus calling him dic and taking him to his room and staying there until patton gets back

and him crying from just seeing patton because he's his best friend and he can be vulnerable around him is very :'c <3

hes so so relieved to see patton but theres also the slightests "ive let my husband down" bc he thinks bc patton helped him so much he owes it to patton to not relapse - but of course pat reassures him its natural to relapse but he didnt! he caught it in the early stages and asked for help and patton is never disappointed in him

he caught it!!! he caught it and he stopped himself and he let himself be helped by both roman and janus and patton and he didn't even relapse!! and this whole thing is really a sign of how far he's come that he was able to accept their help in his vulnerable state, even if roman and janus didn't have the full story, they still wanted to help him through whatever he was experiencing

#mama logan #little big eating disorder #do not reblog #long post #asks #adorable undead queen #little big after dark concepts

7 notes · View notes

leaughrilke · 8 years

Note

what was pregnancy/childbirth/going home for the first time like with finn vs. maia? how about what it was like to take stella home for the first time? how did each kid adjust to their new sibling(s) when maia/stella came home? i'm such a sucker for Brand New Baby headcancons lol

me, rubbing my hands together evilly bc my friend u dont understand, i have been waiting for a sucker just like u bc I AM SUCH A SUCKER FOR BRAND NEW BABY HCS AS WELL, HERE ARE MINE FOR THE SUPERBABIES

so like the pregnancies were highly planned, no surprises or anything and results were waited on with equal excitement bc like???? holy shit theyre doing this???? and HOLY SHIT IT WORKED?????

but like……once the initial excitement died down a little, lena starts to worry a lot?? and i mean this is particular to finn, bc like with maia it was more?? ok i kind of know what im doing, but with finn she had no experience, nothing to go off of. like she can hardly remember her birth mother and lillian was terrible so like….its not as if she has any model for how to be a mother and she’s not sure she’s really thought this through. like she likes kids well enough?? thinks theyre cute and isnt uncomfortable around them, actually is quite good with them and babies love her almost as much as they love kara, but this will be different, this isnt just holding jess’s niece when they’re at the company picnic, this will be a baby that comes home with them, this will be their baby, their kid to screw up and that’s terrifying??? holy shit

meanwhile kara is like?? so excited oh my god. she’s so pumped and so loving and she feels like she’s overwhelmed in the best way, where her heart feels really full and she knows that when the baby gets here it’ll just spill over in the best way and she cant wait for it. and she fusses over lena, moves her schedule around specifically to allow her to drop by l-corp a couple times a day to bring lena lunch or a snack, and she’s like the ultimate partner u know like she keeps the fridge stocked with whatever lena’s craving, always goes to every doctor appointment and childbirth classes, never grumbles when lena wakes her up bc her back is aching or she’s starving all of a sudden or she can’t sleep and the baby is in a weird position. she puts together all the furniture for the nursery, is That expectant parent that spends a lot of time in the baby section of target, brings home probably more clothes than a single baby can wear. she’s so excited??? like……how to explain this hmmm… okay so we know how much kara loves her family, right?? bc she loves them a lot, she rlly does and its not at all that she wishes for biological family or something but theres like a certain…..pull?? i guess?? like this baby is equal parts her and lena, and she has this image in her head, like what if their baby looks like her or more like lena, what if their kid has her mother’s eyes or her father’s strong chin. like? she gets to see krypton live on, is what it boils down to. she gets to see her family and her community and her planet alive and well in the little heartbeat they hear, in the grainy image on the screen at the ultrasound

the pregnancy itself is actually rlly smooth?? and like, when lena’s not terrified, she rlly enjoys it and like knows how lucky she is, like her morning sickness is p tame and only lasts the first couple months. and like?? its not that she dislikes being pregnant or doesnt want the baby, she very much does, she already loves this little thing growing inside her so so much, just on the basis of it being a piece of kara, she’s just worried she’s not good enough, that she wont ever be able to be good enough to be this child’s mother. but she just tries not to think about whats going to happen at the end of this, focuses on the way her heart skips when she feels those first flutters of movement or the way the tension slips out of kara’s shoulders the moment she gets home, the moment she can hear their child’s heartbeat. they were never rlly an out on the town sort of couple, spent most nights tucked up at home, but now even more so bc lena gets tired at like eight at night, so most nights they’re on the couch or lying in bed, kara resting her head on lena’s lil bump, talking to the baby in her mother tongue, telling them all about this great world they’re going to get to see. when lena’s lil bump turns into a big bump, then its usually them cuddled up on the couch with lena leaning back against kara’s chest, head on her shoulder as she dozes and kara’s tracing out the kryptonian alphabet on lena’s belly and its warm and the cats are snoozing nearby and there’s a stack of baby clothes in the laundry basket on the floor and a half assembled rocking chair in the nursery and its just?? good????

overall its rlly good like there’s some bad moments, some breakdowns along the way. like it kind of scares lena a little how much she loves this little thing that?? doesnt?? even??? exist yet???? like she cant hold them, cant see them, but god, she already knows she’d do anything for them. and kara has a few moments where she breaks down as well, where she cant remember a kryptonian word or the details of something she thought she remembered are a little fuzzy and god, what if she cant?? what if she isnt able to pass along her history, her culture? what if she has this opportunity and she fails, again?

and they’re both so soft with each other, kara picks up on lena’s worry and lena picks up on kara’s and they try their best for each other, they do their best to help even when they’re struggling with their own things and lena tries to learn kryptonian and like….listen, she’s not great at it at first (particularly with pregnancy brain making everything a little fuzzy), but her accent isn’t terrible and she learns the basic vocabulary, enough so that she can confidently say she’ll be of some use in teaching their child to speak the language along with english. kara buys all the parenting books lena glances at, sits up at night with her to read them, finds a mothers day card even though it fucking january and tucks it into lena’s bag for her to find and tear up over, talks about how lucky their kiddo is that they’ll have lena as a mom as if its the most natural thing to say

towards the later part of lena’s pregnancy, when they’re getting closer to the due date and lena’s getting uncomfortably pregnant and nothing’s fitting very well, not even the maternity dresses that kara finally convinced her to buy around month seven, kara kind of becomes a worrywart. like she’s been v protective of lena the entire time but now?? anytime lena shifts or sighs or rubs her back, kara’s like WHAT IS IT, IS IT TIME, DO WE NEED TO GO and has like most of their stuff loaded up into the car, ready to go before lena’s has a chance to be like ……kara im ridiculously pregnant, im just uncomfortable, love its fine i promise

that said,, then she’s overdue and even more uncomfortable but the fear has set back in?? and she goes into labor p early in the morning, doesnt say anything abt it bc she doesnt want it to happen, not now, but kara seems to sense it, sticks a lot closer to lena than normal, even for overprotective post-due date. and then lena’s water breaks??? and she’s crying???? and kara’s like holy shit okay but they dont have time to rlly do anything to talk through it, barely have time to get to the hospital before lenas like……in Active Labor, like ready to push active labor and there’s no time to get an epidural, but luckily she doesnt rlly need one?? she’s in pain, but its not as bad as some things she’s endured, but she’s still crying, begging for this baby to stay put, dont move, i’m not ready and kara’s crying bc she’s split between being heartbroken for her wife and being so so excited to her their child

and then finn’s there, crying loud enough to be heard over lena’s sobbing, kara’s assurances and kara looks at him and is so in love??? she’s so in love, he’s so beautiful, she tells lena as much as she gets to cut the cord and some little part of her knits back together when she helps lay finn on lena’s chest, watches as lena’s eyes clear, brows relax, watches as that same love kara feels dawns in lena’s eyes and its so much??? its too much, but its so good????

and everything is still so good for a while!!!!! like the few days in the hospital, they’re just kind of in a blissed out stage where nothing is fazing them like......family comes to visit, theres four emails from snapper sitting in kara’s inbox, clark comes by and is visibly uncomfortable but they literally dont give two shits like look at this thing we made!!!!!!! look at him, he’s beautiful and he’s got all ten fingers and all ten toes and look, he looks bald but he’s just rlly blond!!!!!!! like.........they are just so in love???

but then they go home and its different bc there isnt anyone to help them and for kara its like....idk its sort of like she’s super duper aware of her powers when she’s out in the world, like hyperaware and vigilant, but she’s used to being able to relax a little at home?? and now there’s this tiny fragile nonpowered as far as they know baby that is depending solely on her and lena for everything and suddenly she’s like shit i’m going to hurt him oh my god i Did Not think this through and then she like refuses to hold finn except under very specific conditions like sitting down, pillow in her lap to support him from below and lena’s a bit too wrapped up in finn to rlly like register this fact, a little too tired and sore and in love to do much more than notice her wife’s hesitance

and its not as if kara’s like......//avoiding anything to do with finn. like she’s still v much in love and wants to be around him, she just doesnt trust herself?? so she’ll still get up when finn’s crying at night, sits up with lena when she nurses him, gets lena whatever she needs during the day and overall does her absolute best

lena brings it up to alex finally, one night when she and maggie come over to coo over finn and kara’s run out to pick up dinner. lena and alex have grown a lot closer since lena started hanging out with the superfriends, alex sort of spotting that quiet sadness within a few minutes of having an actual conversation with lena and subconsciously sorting her into the same category of annoying psuedo-sibling that she had winn. and by this point?? alex is basically as much a big sister to lena as she is to kara, defends her as vehemently as she does kara. so lena goes to her with this, asks if kara’s said anything about not feeling comfortable or being afraid and alex is like ?? no, whats going on and then lena tells her everything she’s noticed, tells her the guilt she feels for not knowing how to help but she’s exhausted, like that new parent bone deep exhausted

so alex corners kara just a little, calls her down to the deo for a fake emergency and then locks them into one of the training rooms bc she knows kara, knows she wont admit to anything when lena’s around, knows that she’ll keep trying to uphold this facade that she’s doing okay bc she doesnt want to stress her wife out. and karas been sitting with this feeling for nearly two weeks?? basically since they went home, so there’s not much prodding alex has to do to get it out of her bc she’s exhausted too, is crying within a few minutes of talking tbh

alex hugs her for a long time, until she stops crying eventually and is like?? i dont have easy answers for you and i wish i did, but kara, you’re not going to hurt him and she keeps repeating it, keeps telling kara that she knows her probably better than anyone and she knows that she’s never going to do anything to hurt the people she cares about and kara’s thinking about red k and alex knows it so she just tightens her hold on kara’s shoulders and leans down a little to catch her eye and she’s like kara, this is your son and its like oh. my son. i have a son. and suddenly kara’s crying again but more from good emotion?? like i have a child and i haven’t been holding him 24/7???? I GOTTA GO ALEX

so kara goes home and lena’s just getting up to get finn bc he’s starting to fuss a little and kara just gently pushes her back into bed and goes to get finn, picks him up and feels something settle when he quiets, looks up at her with big blue eyes that aren’t her color, not exactly, is something closer to her mother’s. finn settles against her, one of his little hands sort of grasping at the fabric of her shirt, holding on and kara’s so??? overwhelmed??? and she promises him that she’ll be the best she can be for him, promises that she’ll never let harm come to him, that she’s going to keep him so safe and at some point she switches from english to kryptonian (kryptonese??), starts promising all sorts of things, starts promising that he’ll never be alone, that he’ll never be scared and lost and left on his own in a strange place, that she’ll never send him away, not without lena, not without her

lena hears it over the baby monitor but doesnt say anything when kara comes back into the room, having lulled finn back to sleep with a lullaby her mother used to sing to her. she just pulls kara closer and they doze like that for a while and everything feels calm, settled for once

and then !!!!! they’re just deliriously happy like finn is a rlly easy baby, doesnt fuss a lot, basically sleeps through the night from the beginning and is essentially the Perfect Newborn. like they’re just?? so? ?? happy ????? like lena has what is essentially unlimited maternity leave considering she can conduct a fair amount of work from home and catco gives rlly generous leave for all new parents so kara’s able to stay home for a long time, so they get to just sort of live in this wonderful little bubble for basically the first 4-5 months of his life and even after they sort of start transitioning back to work, its still rlly great??

like they do the mommy and me yoga and switch off weekends, kara takes him to swim lessons, they do walks in the park when it starts getting warmer out and like.......love showing finn off. like he’s adorable and chubby and is rlly calm and smiley and like?? they’re so proud of him, they love him so much oh my god

UNDER THE CUT bc i always keep crying, im such a sucker for new babies

everything is a little harder with maia?? like it takes a little longer for it to work and when it does its immediately a completely different experience. later on theyll think its probably bc maia manifests her powers a lot earlier, so maybe that’s what it was?? like she’s drawing more nutrients and stuff so that’s why lena’s so exhausted through the pregnancy but basically lena’s essentially bedridden for the first four and a half months with maia, either napping or feeling too nauseous to do anything. once she hits five months, things get a little easier?? she’s still v tired a lot, but they think that that might just be bc they’ve got more to juggle, like she’s keeping up with a toddler and l-corp is acquiring a new subsidiary halfway across the world that she’s having to oversee from national city

kara worries abt her a lot in a different way from how she worried during finn’s pregnancy?? like this pregnancy takes a bit more of a physical toll and there’s a few complications, like lena develops gestational hypertension (her blood pressure, while achingly normal usually, stays high from the beginning) and her ankles just fuckn disappear and she just feels Bad through most of the pregnancy even though there isnt that emotional angst like there was with finn. so bc of that, kara sticks p close through the whole pregnancy, is a lot less willing to take assignments that keep her away from home v long, gets v efficient when it comes to supergirl duties

but like?? stress aside, its a rlly cool experience for them bc finn’s around two and understands enough that he points to lena’s belly and says baby, likes to hug and kiss her tummy and its the Cutest thing in the world, like they have so many pics of finn being so sweet and like reading one of his picture books to lena’s belly. and like?? lena gets to enjoys the pregnancy more bc she’s not as scared, not as petrified that she’s going to fuck up somehow, now that she kind of knows what she’s doing, now that she has a shining, grinning little boy that is like proof that she’s sort of good at this motherhood thing

so u know how lena’s blood pressure is high through the whole pregnancy?? well. that’s not a throwaway fact pals. she develops preeclampsia and gets induced nearly three weeks before her due date and like in the lead up to that, it’s rlly chaotic and scary like lena gets a migraine (and she usually gets those?? like that’s not uncommon but she didnt have any during her pregnancy with finn and she hasnt had any leading up to this one with maia) and goes to sleep it off and wakes up short of breath and like?? it just feels wrong, something feels off and calls kara at work and is like something’s not right and kara just flat out panics, drops all her shit and races home and lena’s kind of out of it and its terrifying?? its fucking terrifying and kara’s like fuck this, flies finn to the nearest superfriend for babysitting (it happens to be winn, who startles out of dozing at his computer screen to see little finn danvers grinning from the chair next to him, with a fully packed bag and a note pinned to it telling winn that kara will call soon) and she flies lena to the hospital, giving zero actual fucks about anything other than whether lena and the baby are okay

and it gets kind of crazy after that??? like kara barely has time to call the rest of their family and friends before things are like Moving and, again, there’s not enough time for an epidural but this time lena’s in a lot more pain, like this birth is awful, it rlly is, like lena’s out of it and in way more pain than she was with finn and kara’s scared shitless and their baby comes out quiet?? like no crying, no screaming, just utter silence and lena sort of collapses back on the bed and starts crying and kara’s not even able to get a good look at their kiddo with all the nurses working over em

and then the baby’s like screeching and one of the nurses hands her to kara with a smile and says here’s your little girl, mama and kara’s just like.......entranced and this little baby is so much like finn but so different already and she looks over at lena and beams and lena relaxes immediately, lets out this deep breath and kara’s like we have a daughter, lena and lena sort of sighs happily well let me see her and kara puts maia on lena’s chest, helps lena unbutton the top of her gown and unswaddle maia so she can rest against lena’s skin, feel her heartbeat and they’re so immediately happy??? like all the scary stuff, all the pain is immediately written over with this feeling, with maia’s little hand pressing right over lena’s heart and her eyes locked on kara

and then when things calm down and they’ve had a little time to collect themselves, for lena to get cleaned up a little, finn comes in and is so immediately taken with his little sister, like his eyes get wide and he’s got this small little smile and he’s so gentle without being told, sort of reverently reaches out to hold maia’s tiny little hand in his own and he goes my baby in this soft little voice and he crawls up in kara’s lap and asks if he can hold his baby and kara helps him and lena asks a nurse to grab her phone bc like.......why not get this moment on film. why not capture her family all tucked into one chair like the most adorable nesting dolls

it’s maybe her lock screen for like six months

when they go home, it’s a little bit of an adjustment period?? not in the same way as it was with finn but in that now they’ve got two little kids with wildly different needs, like finn sleeps through the night mostly but has nightmares that he’ll need to be comforted from and maia wakes up a lot but more just?? wants to be near her moms??? like she doesnt cry so much as just stay awake until one of them check her and pull the bassinet closer to their bed

and for lena there’s a bit of worry over having a daughter?? bc its not that its all that much different than having a son rlly, she knows that and she’s the first to advocate raising children the same, but as a daughter of lillian luthor, as a daughter who lost her birth mother when she was young, but not young enough to completely forget her, as a daughter that has never had a solid maternal figure that supported her in her life, lena’s a little terrified of having a daughter?? worried that somehow, someway, she’ll ruin her

but it fades quickly?? like she and kara have always been v attuned to one another but since having finn, it’s just deepened?? so kara catches on quickly, talks to her about it one night when the kiddos are asleep and reminds lena that she’s a good mom, that finn adores her and so does maia already, its obvious

mostly the adjustment is about just juggling the two kiddos, making sure finn doesnt feel left out and they work out a p good system, make sure to include him in basically everything

and finn!!!! loves his baby sister so so much oh my god, he likes to drag his coloring pack into maia’s room when she’s napping. like his moms will go looking for him and he’ll just be curled up in the comfy rocker in maia’s room, quietly coloring and he’ll shush them if he thinks they’re making too much noise and its the cutest thing ever, like he doesnt have the words for it but he just loves maia so much, wants to protect her and make sure she’s happy all the time

so its kind of wildly different with stella, bc like??? they thought they were done having kids?? mostly bc the experience with maia’s birth was so terrifying, like when they finally had a minute to process what all had happened it was like.......shit, lena could have died, maia could have died and it made them p hesitant to try for another kid, like?? they’re happy with two!! and if they decide they want to expand their family, they’re v strongly pro-adoption so that’s probably the route they’ll go and that’s all nice and settled but then, well

kara gets a supergirl call at like six in the morning and she rolls out of bed, handles the issue and is on her way home when she glances down and sees something a lil shady down on the pier. it’s probably eight or nine by now?? the sun’s up, but its winter so its still gray in the city, still feels pre-dawn and kara flies a little closer, sees a man on a pier and hears two heartbeats, his and one that’s weaker, faster, quieter, so she alerts alex and touches down and the man seems almost relieved to see her even as he moves closer to the edge and she tells him to stay, for his baby--because it has to be a baby, kara’s gotten too good at recognizing little heartbeats for it not to be, but the man just smiles sadly, says she’s not like me, i can’t love her right and just as the deo pulls up, the man jumps off into the bay and kara flies after him but he’s just......gone?? just gone. nowhere to be found. his heartbeat is indistinguishable from the roar of the ocean, kara can’t see him anywhere but kara can still hear that smaller one, and she hesitates for a moment before flying back up, touching down by the car and opening the door before the agent nearest her can tell her not to. and theres??? this tiny little baby???? like barely strapped into the carseat, in just a diaper and kara’s like????? immediately protective. like the diaper’s obviously been put on by someone that’s never changed a baby before and she fixes that first, unclips her cape to wrap the baby up second, holds the baby close and turns around with this wide eyed look at alex third and alex’s like......well this is happening huh

and she’s????? so small???? god she’s so small and kara’s heart twists and twists and alex calls out an address to her and it’s not far from the port and kara’s flies low, flies fast but she doesnt even get to the little apartment before she can tell, before she can hear the utter lack of life. she lands just outside, looks up, looks through, sees the body in the bed, not moving not breathing and she looks down at this little baby in her arms, still sleeping and she just?? has a minor blackout tbh (metaphorically ofc) like she’s not sure what her exact thought process was but suddenly she’s at l-corp and the baby is still sleeping and she touches down, opens the balcony door gently and steps in and lena’s looking up, eyebrows raised until she notices the bundle in kara’s arms and like??? she doesnt Know, but she knows whats happening, knows its big and important and so she drops the papers she was working on, pads over and looks up at kara for a breath, then down at the baby and its like oh. shit. this is our baby now, isnt it

and kara starts explaining, starts speaking, rambling, falling over her words bc the gravity of what’s happened has just sort of landed?? it’s taken a beat but god she just watched a man kill himself, just watched this child be orphaned and its like?? she needs lena to understand. she needs her to know why this is so important, but like?? lena’s already there, same page. she’s looking at this little tiny child and deciding that she’ll probably be able to actually get some use out of maia’s newborn stuff, considering maia outgrew the clothes within a month. like??? she looks nothing like finn or maia did as babies, is so much smaller and has this head full of dark hair, these dark eyes when she blinks them open to look up at lena, at kara, but she fits, you know?? its like kara and lena look at her and just like.....recognize her. like she’s always been meant for them

and then kara’s just.......out of things to say, like she’s said everything she can and she’s just sort of looking down at the baby and so is lena and then lena’s asking can i hold ....her? and kara’s nodding, her, she confirms, letting lena slip the baby out of her arms and she’s just like lena, she’s and breaks off, throat closing and lena’s just nodding, smiling down at the baby and smoothing down the little cowlick in her hair. i think maia’s old bassinet is still in the basement, she says and that’s that

the kids dont even question it?? like finn was young enough when maia was born that he doesnt even remember her coming home, she’s just sort of always been around as far as he remembers and maia doesnt have any sort of context for it, and rlly it doesnt matter?? like they crowd around lena when kara calls them over and finn promises then and there he’s going to be the best big brother and maia’s just staring all wide eyed at this little baby, decided that she’s going to keep her so safe bc she’s her little sister and the only other big sister she knows very well is aunt alex and aunt alex helps keep mama safe every day so. logic, ya know

there is a bit more jealousy tho?? more from maia than from finn, bc she goes from being the baby to the middle child and like kara and lena are rlly good abt splitting their time equally, but there’s like?? more to do with stella, like they dont know anything rlly abt her background and they dont know why she’s not putting on weight and they dont know whether she’s just colicky or if there’s something they need to be worried about?? and its scarier too bc its all so normal ??? like they did all the tests for finn and maia, knew they had kara’s immune system, knew they didnt have to worry abt shit like whooping cough but like they do have to worry abt that with stella, its sort of like having a first baby all over again?? like there’s a lot of new experiences they’ve never had to think about before so there’s a little bit of jealousy from maia, but literally just a little, just like a couple temper tantrums bc kara says they cant play uno unless maia uses her inside voice, or bc lena can’t come see the picture she drew right that second bc she’s trying to get stella down for a nap

but they handle it rlly well?? like they each take a day with maia and finn, separately so they dont feel like they’re just getting lumped together, go and do whatever they feel like doing and do that ridiculously Good Mom thing where they each explain that, yeah, they’re having to spend a little more time with the new baby but they love them all the same, all equally and that they can pick something to do with their moms each month

that tradition actually sticks around! like each kiddo picks a Thing to do with their moms, like finn favors the aquarium and maia likes to go to movies and stella usually just asks to go out to breakfast at noonans tbh (listen she is.........so much like kara sometimes)

so while finn and maia adjust p well, its not all smooth sailing. like?? finn and maia were such easy babies!! like SUCH easy babies, they rlly lucked the fuck out with them but stella??? oh god stella is such a difficult baby. not like?? not like super-difficult?? but she cries a lot and the only time she rlly calms down is when kara or lena holds her and sometimes it not even full screaming crying, just quiet little whimpering that just like........breaks her moms’ hearts. she also gets sick a lot?? lots of colds and stomach bugs and she doesnt put on a lot of weight for the first several months, like consistently on the low end of healthy. like?? its all new territory for them, bc they never?? rlly?? worried abt finn and maia like this?? they never rlly had to

listen they heave a collective sigh of relief when their doctor tells them that she’s moved into the fortieth percentile for her age range like what???? she’s doing okay???????

anyway. i’m crying

#supergirl #supercorp #kara danvers #lena luthor #superbabies #catch me reblogging these in the morning #i've been working on this for like four days omfg #anonymous #human interaction

42 notes · View notes