#I'm very grateful to have this guy as a friend either way tbh and I look forward to working with him at church tomorrow :) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lovings4turn · 6 months

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𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐒 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐀 𝐕𝐀𝐌𝐏𝐈𝐑𝐄 — send me a lil description of yourself + fandom(s) and i'll ship you with someone + give you your best friend !

for f1 & marauders please! here's a description of me (tbh idk how much info you want so):

lola, I'm pansexual, she/her, I'm korean-pakistani, born and raised in the uk, 5'5, brown skin, long-ish black hair and black eyes, I tend to dress in a mixture of clothes, very into fashion (I love pintrest) and fashion weeks are the highlight of my year, I love football (liverpool fan), I love formula one (ferrari, mercedes, and redbull), and I do archery in my spare time, i'm fluent in 3 languages english urdu and punjabi, i'm also not really in touch with my korean side, which is why I want to try and learn korean some time in the future, also have alot's of family trauma!!, I'm currently in uni studying psychology and I want to become a therapist, I love animals and I have two dogs (salt and pepper) and a cat (bartolomeu the cannible), I love music and spend alot of my time creating playlists, very chaotic (adhd), my fav season is either spring or autumn, I love aesthetic things, and am kinda a perfectionist, very much a people pleaser, kinda nervous around new people, love writing stories, I have a older brother, can't cook to save my life (unless it's pot noddle), also I love spicy food!!

ahh thanks so much for sending this in lola bby ,, was super fun to pair you up w these ppl so i hope you like it <333

ᝰ.ᐟ 𝐅𝟏

𝐢'𝐝 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐚𝐱 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧 !

i could have chosen so , so many drivers here but ultimately maxie won for me !! i just think the dynamic would be something so special and perfect ,, so he won for me here🤭

ᡣ𐭩 your interest in fashion and mixture of styles is something max really admires about you - he's never really been someone who knows a lot about fashion , so seeing you effortlessly put together outfits and be so passionate about clothing is so endearing to him !! his style definitely gets 10x better after you start dating (and oh my god are the fans eternally grateful for it)

ᡣ𐭩 of course , max also adores salt, pepper, and bartolomeu ! he may have a secret agenda to get them to absolutely love him in return , because any time he's at your place he's showering them in love , pets , and affection , mumbling about how cute they are (and how they must take after their mother)

ᡣ𐭩 max is enchanted by your hair and eyes , i swear . there’s something about the way they compliment your brown skin perfectly that just has him awe-struck , and he’s been caught staring at the way the light catches your eyes or how your hair falls over your shoulders more times than he would like

ᡣ𐭩 the fact that you’re a perfectionist is something max both admires and can heavily relate to — he always strives to do the best and be the best that he can , so he loves that you both share that trait !! that being said , max always offers you a level of grace that he doesn’t really offer to himself . if you’re ever getting worked up about something not quite going the way you want it , he’s pressing a kiss to your temple and assuring you that it’s great , and you shouldn’t put too much pressure onto yourself (hypocrite of the year award goes to your boyfriend!!)

𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐥𝐞𝐫𝐜 !

ᡣ𐭩 you and charles definitely bond a lot over your love for music !! whether it’s charles sending you samples of some piano compositions he’s been working on or you guys sending playlists and song recs back and forth , music plays a big part in your friendship !!

ᡣ𐭩 you often love to tease charles for his inability to handle spicy food (those pics of him eating that chilli were definitely taken by you , and of course you didn’t let him live it down) , but you sadly can’t make fun of him for his lack of cooking skills, since he could turn around and hit you with the exact same claim . you and charles quickly learned that cooking together would never be a large part of your friendship (charles’ frying pan never truly recovered from the one time you decided to be ambitious and cook a meal from scratch)

ᡣ𐭩 really admires your love for aesthetic things and often asks you for your opinion on his latest ig posts / photodumps , wanting to be sure that they not only look nice , but also go well with the rest of his feed

ᝰ.ᐟ 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐔𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐒

𝐢'𝐝 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐣𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 !

okay now this just made oh so much sense to me , i can't explain it !!! you and james would be an absolute power couple , i'm convinced !

ᡣ𐭩 absolutely obsessed with your height difference . james is a tall lad , and the fact that you're shorter than him just makes his heart happy . he loves being able to press kisses to the top of your head easily , and loves how he can practically engulf you into his arms with every single hug . of course , he jokes about how you're killing his back every time he has to lean down for a kiss , but the dopey grin he gives you afterwards lets you know he's never being serious

ᡣ𐭩 james loves the fact that you want to learn korean in the future to get more in touch with your korean side , and is more than willing to help you in any way he can !! can he speak a lick of korean ? absolutely not . but he's determined to support you however possible , learning some basic phrases here and there and allowing you to practice on him , even if he has no idea what you're saying to him

ᡣ𐭩 your chaotic energy matches so well with james' bright and excitable demeanour , and you two bounce off of each other so well . it's almost like you were made for each other , honestly - sirius always jokes that someone must have made you specifically for james , because who else would be able to put up with his insane amount of energy if not you ??

ᡣ𐭩 james doesn't really know much about muggle sports , but god is he determined to learn about your favourites so he can keep up with you !! he'll watch football games with you and try his hardest to correlate it to quidditch so it computes in his mind a little easier , but watching a grand prix with you was a whole other ordeal . could not wrap his head around it and sat there with a baffled expression for at least three hours , even after you tried so hard to explain it to him in the simplest of terms . all he knows is fast cars racing , and he thinks that's satisfactory enough just to see your smile whenever he asks to watch a race with you

𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐜𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐝 !

ᡣ𐭩 this was just an absolute no brainer to me !! i mean , with your love for fashion , who else is a better fit for your best friend than the most stylish girl out there ??? mary loves talking fashion with you , and you guys definitely end up sharing wardrobes , her clothes becoming yours and vice versa .

ᡣ𐭩 mary is also a lover of spring , and you two definitely make the most out of the season when it rolls around !! the moment it's sunny enough , you guys are going on picnics (and of course , the set-up is pretty enough to rival a pinterest board) , picking fresh flowers , and fawning over all of the baby animals being born , like the small bunnies that tend to roam the fields you two frequent !

ᡣ𐭩 whenever she notices you getting a little nervous around new people , mary tries her hardest to make you as comfortable as possible . she doesn't want to talk over you or for you , but she'll definitely take the spotlight off of you for a little if you prefer , allowing you to get to know the new faces on your own terms and build your confidence at your own pace !!!

#𑁤 becca’s 1k fright fest !

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shadesofnavy · 1 year

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Huff.

I'm struggling to draw tonight so I'ma kick back and spam y'all with stuff 'bout my gang here because why not lol

-Keith sings in the shower. Well, who doesn't tbh lol. But I mean this guy actually hits high af notes perfectly in the shower like he's at a show. If he's in a good mood. If he's not feelin' too upbeat then he's just quiet, might just hum a little to try and light his spirits up

-Cherry has hemophobia. While not nearly as intense, it makes her skin crawl and nerves skyrocket. She won't faint at a drip drop, but an open bleeding wound uncovered might set her off a panic

-Pico likes to play solitary. He has an old deck he's had since he was a kid. He's also really good at chess and Monopoly

-Darnell has a fear of abandonment that he rarely speaks of, one of the main reasons why he's very attached to his mother even as an adult. Because of this he's somewhat become a lone wolf

-Keith knows how to play the guitar, bass, piano and drums. He comes up with random guitar solos sometimes when he's just fiddling around, often taking them and making them into songs

-He's pretty open when it comes to music genres, but his favorite ones are hip-hop, funk, grunge, alternative rock, rap and nu metal. He does a mix of original songs and covers during his performances around town, sometimes getting along and preforming together with other bands that are also there.

-While not much of a singer himself, Pico does in fact enjoy listening to Keith sing his favorite 90s hits.

-Cherry has a little spice garden on the balcony of her and Keith's apartment. She grows rosemary, sage, thyme, oregano, bay leaves, marjoram, parsley, basil and even a few heads of garlics growing apart.

-Pico likes flowers but he won't admit it.

-Nene hates her job at Wal-Mart mainly because she has to deal with tons of crappy people everyday, however she tries her best to do a good job and is at least grateful she has at least some way of getting income

-One of her dreams was to become a graphic designer

-Despite being friendly and open towards people in general, Keith can become very jealous and possessive of his loved ones if he senses someone trying to get close to them in an intimate way (ol' alpha instinct kickin' in there). Because of this sometimes he can come off as obnoxious and dense especially when that someone isn't actually trying to get closer with his special one(s)

-Darnell likes to collect old vintage toy cars. He has entire wall in his bedroom with shelves full of them

-He's excellent at rapping and beatboxing, however he doesn't really show it off unless he's sure he's by himself

-Keith is actually more of a cat person and Cherry is more of a dog person. That being said, if either were to get the opposite they'd still love it to death. (Also because their personalities are the opposite. So Cherry's Keith's cat and Keith is Cherry's dog. Thats why they love each other so much. I am so funny)

-Pico literally could not care about cats or dogs and which is better. He finds them both adorable anyways. He also likes fish.

-Nene has a pet snake named Dagger. Despite his name he's just a small adorable white snek keeping her happy and alive

-Darnell used to have a Golden Retriever named Sam when he was 14 as a birthday gift and therapeutic companion. He mysteriously went missing one morning shortly after Darnell graduated high school and was never found since

-Pico will often turn down friend offers and meet-ups with people who take an interest in him by claiming he's too busy and needs to walk his dead pet fish before walking away without another word (thanking to my good ol bud for that one <3)

-This technique did not work for neither Keith nor Cherry

-Keith suffers from dermatillomania, mainly caused by his ADHD whenever he's bored

#keith burlington #cherry davis #pico dankworth #darnell evans #nene chun #long post

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1d1195 · 2 months

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Not him inviting his friend over😭 A deep clean is always so satisfying! I hope you'll be able to still recharge a bit plus I support hiding for a bit!Oh that sounds pretty good!! And it just makes sense you would be most excited for the veggies and honestly i'm excited for you lol

I think that it’s very easy for most shows to lose their way so I totally get it! Anyways I also LOVED cake boss as a kid!! Buddy was like a GOD in my eyes HAHA

I would CRY if someone said that to me omg that's so sweet😭But yeah i get how seeing your students struggle can be difficult but I guess it is a good thing that she likes you at least! Like that has to mean something lol Though I can only imagine what goes on in her head so hopefully she can out grow constantly being in drama lol

NOT BANK OF AMERICA HAHA I honestly don't blame her! I have heard many horror stories from that place so in this case I say that’s so valid lol

Us together in person would just be TOO powerful(i LOVE that for us) !!! which is why the universe put us on opposite sides of the country lol. I seriously try to edit out “unnecessary” details through my responses but I fear in person my train of thought is not linear when I'm comfortable 😭 People have also lost the meaning of a good filler episode and long seasons! I can argue so much how streaming has changed the way people appreciate shows/movies which is crazy!

Sadly I only get one class with a break :( which is CRAZY considering I'm sure the professors don’t enjoy these long ass classes either?! But I don’t think it’s weird at all! I felt good about this decision ultimately because I receive aid from the state and that only lasts for 4 years so it’s a MUST that I need to be done on time! Plus even though it may not seem like it, compared to how i was even a year ago, i am in a better place so I did take some time to think about it lol And I totally get you!! You’re a perfectionist and if you feel like this is how you’ll be in therapy then it would probably feel more like a burden for you. I used to have a similar fear too when I first started therapy when I was younger so you’re not weird for thinking that at all! But the right therapist for you will never make you feel like that trust me! It’s definitely a process and please NEVER FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO STAY WITH ONE OUT OF OBLIGATION! If you have any doubts even after the first session, trust your gut! It’s annoying of course with insurance and all that but it never hurts to try! Oh bestie do I have a surprise for you my therapist is a MAN 😭he’s the first guy therapist i’ve had and I was honestly never wanting one tbh but at the time I was just SO desperate to start therapy again that I caved lol I too hate men most of the time and I lowkey feel uncomfortable sometimes around them but obviously he doesn’t make me feel like that lol I think that he’s definitely helped me a lot and idk it’s been very helpful in this stage of my life lol Hope that if/when you start therapy that you’ll be able to find someone who understands you and sees you for all that you are, which is a lovely person!

YAY TO ONE MORE WEEK!! YOU GOT THIS!! I do understand your frustration though with kids still managing to fail. Even though I'm sure the majority of teachers try to make it as easy as possible while still trying to teach them as much as they can. It also sucks if they don’t communicate if they might be struggling with the content and/or stuff in their personal life so that just doesn’t help. I know that you try your best and really there can be only so much done with the circumstances! I totally get it!

AWW OMG OUR ANNIVERSARY TOO?! SAM THAT’S SO SWEET OMG 😭😭😭literally that story gave me the courage to ask for my emoji and I will always be so grateful that you let us read your stories!!

Btw i'm gonna have to talk about most part 3 in a different ask bc this is already too long lol-💜

Haven't had the veggies yet, but the friend is gone THANK GOD. I didn't like him very much (he wasn't creepy or anything, but just not my cup of tea) I like most of my bf's friends. This one has a habit of rubbing people the wrong way.

I jus thought the crazy cakes were so fun! Buddy was hilarious and I loved the family dynamics 😂 reminded me of home 💀

When she's being annoying I think about how she said that to me. She also will come in and yell at younger students when they're acting stupid in class and put them in their place because she's high key terrifying 😭😭 But naturally I bought her a book this weekend so she would do her summer reading. Trying to get her to connect with her studies and shit. I need her to graduate but I'm worried she's going to be on the 6-year track if she doesn't get her shit together 😂😂

I LOVE THAT FOR US TOO!

Bro, there's no WAY your professors enjoy glazed-over faces for three hours. I give my kids breaks after like TWENTY MINUTES hahahaha My attention span is shot after an hour. Ah, nothing like financial aid to push you into an absolute FRENZY of a timeline ugh. It will totally be worth it--I think, I feel that way about my degrees anyway. I tell people all the time I'm glad I grew up poor I wouldn't have been able to afford college. "The hassle was worth the tassel" and all that.

A MAN?! I'm actually really pleased with this fact. I'm sure he's very capable--especially if you've chosen to stick with him. I knew they were capable of empathy 😂

I appreciate all the tips and thoughts! I've heard that before and I actually saw a character on my show trying out different therapists and my cousin also mentioned it to me. So I'm willing to shop around. But YES, I think you described it perfectly! I would def feel like a burden to please someone else in my life but I know you're right--with the right therapist I won't feel that way.

It just feels like my fault. Like I'm not doing enough. But also I don't know how to make them care. That's my issue during the regular school year too. I feel like the students I have a terrifying, growing apathetic nature toward things. Maybe it's just my age but they don't seem to like sports, movies/TV, or ANYTHING. I know I joke, but I'm not exactly old and I have SUCH a hard time relating to them sometimes. I also feel bad for all my coworkers because I'm CONSTANTLY asking for reassurance because I feel so defeated and whatnot. But anyway. I'm excited for the week to be done and then I'll have a chunk of weeks to myself reading and preparing new lessons and shit before the school year starts. It's far to think in advance and I will def miss the $ but I'm strongly considering taking next summer off.

You are the sweetest! 💕 I'm so glad to share them. I find it so therapeutic to hide behind my screen and let you all read my inner thoughts 😭

hope you have a good week! I imagine you're rapidly approaching finals for your first two classes 😭 best of luck (not that you'll need it!) 💕

xoxo

#💜

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live-love-laugh-lesbian · 6 months

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HIII this is probably gonna be the last ask i send as your swiftie exchange anon haha! also i dont know what timezone you are but ive scheduled it for 6am gmt for tomorrow if i remember correct skdkekdfk (but also you said quid which means pounds i think so im taking a wild guess that you are somewhat the same timezone as me haha)

yep im in uni! honestly kinda harsh kakdkekxfj ive got tests on the first week back but i suppose that's to ne expected haha! it is quite stressful but like c'est la vie yk? good luck on your exams!!

oh also im so glad youre feeling better!! i hope you feel awesome soon!

oh yeahh that makes complete sense! you dont have to show them to me if you dont want to btw but once i reveal myself and you are okay w it you can dm me! (only if you want tho no pressure at all!!)

yeahh thats so real actually! people always want what they dont have and that makes me kinda sad but also im one of those people so ajdeksjd i cant really say anything abt it akfkekdjf

yeahh hypocrisy is so linked like to everyday stuff!! and what you said makes more sense than what i ever couldve ajdjejsjfn and inflation is HORRIBLE ive witnessed price of stuff like cheese go up by so much and it appals me! and that is a ridiculous difference from your phone bill!

oohh i wish i was you id love to meet my online friends!!

yeah!! like the main problem with fast fashion isnt the cheap quality (i mean perhaps it is) but also the PEOPLEEEE WHO BARELY GET PAIDD!!

thats such a thought out and good answer!! climate change and the way politicians handle shit is so real like it NEEDSS to be addressed!! and i hope you get to see your doctors!!

and same im such a pushover like i wish i could not be but alas it is but a dreamm!! i think for me what you said is basically my answer and like people being assholes and thinking theyre funny? lile people who think its okay to make offensive jokes or say a slur bc they think theyre funny annoys me soo bad!!!!! and also people who manipulate other people like ewwww and just like horrible people in general. also thats horrible!! why does anyone think its okay to do that???

hmm... honestly rename strawberries fluffleberries and making bananas rainbow sounds like an awesome idea sjdjekdn hmm this is hard kakdkdskf maybe i would replace car honks with goose honks hehe i feel like thats such a silly answer but tbf i am but a silly goose!! what about you?

and my question to you: what are some things you are grateful for (see i say things not people bc i feel like people is a very general question ajfjrjdjf but you can tell me people too if you want!!)

thank youu!! i had an awesone time chatting with you you're lovely <3

have an awesome day!!!

-swiftie spring exchange anonnnnn

Hello! My country change timezones slightly I think based on clocks, but I think we're currently BST? I can never remember, a bit embarrassing imo XD It's cool that we might be close in time zones!!

Ah I have no exams cause I'm not in uni, but I am tutoring kids for exams so does that count? XD I hope your tests go well!!

Cheap quality sucks, but it'd improve if companies were willing to give up just a teeny tiny bit of their profits...I've become so increasingly anti company over the last like 5 years I think XD And thank you!! Honestly the "offensive is funny" type is SO annoying. I've met a few that were like "uhhh it's dark humour" and I've been like. You do not have dark humour, you just want to be rude.

I did however get a cookie once from a guy who realised that I had been upset by his stupid joke (I can't remember what exactly it was, but I think it was like...either homophobic or misogynistic. The apology was nice to get because it was unexpected. Alas at the time I was unable to eat gluten so the cookie part was awkward.) And manipulation just sucks?? I feel like people get away with it a lot because it's not obviously awful until you realise what's going on.

Silly answers are encouraged for that one!! (And always tbh) XD And honestly I would get rid of sparkling water. I feel like it's like marmite - people love it or hate it. And I hate sparkling water, I literally cannot handle the texture. And one time I accidentally got some instead of regular water. The memory haunts me. So yeah I'd wind up half the world by getting rid of it altogether and just watch the chaos XD

My final answer (also I know who you are now cause of when I logged on BUT I'm gonna answer this anyways on here) would be my cats (haha not people so they slip through...not things either but not people), the way life has turned out (it's not perfect, but I'm in a much better position than I ever expected even just like 2 years ago), and my art abilities (because I like that I can draw, and draw pretty decently, it's a fun and usually relaxing hobby!)

I had the time of my life answering questions with you, and I look forwards to hopefully talking more with you!!

#swift spring exchange anon

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olimpias · 2 years

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Heeeey! I'm catching up on tags, and I came across your WIP titles one! :D Mind if I ask about "ada the unhinged assassin and her softie bf elliot"? (I'd ask about all of them because your titles are *fantastic*.)

oooh thank you so much!! i love talking abt this one especially since i havent introduced it here yet but there is a lot of stuff in my head soo

it’s a sci-fi dystopian thriller thingy that takes place in the unnamed capital of an unnamed country with an authoritarian government that relies on terrorising the people and threatening them with human experiments (and actually going through with it).

Ada Speer, our main character, is a resistance fighter who lives with her best friend Jaz (a night club singer) and Timmy (a hacker) in the basement of the club Jaz works in. Ada and Jaz met a few years ago when Ada was 16 and killed a guy who tried to molest Jaz and then they somehow moved in together.

Ada is actually unhinged. Like my girl has some serious mental problems and also an unnaturally close bondage with her knives but it’s not her fault ok. When she was 5, her brother (i still have to decide what to do with him) sent her to a girls’ boarding school that was Actual Hell. She had to share a room with a girl who despised her and bullied her in a truly awful way, she saw some of the girls she had become friends with be taken away in the middle of the night and she also had to endure the teachers’ horrible treatment and yeah. All peaches and cream right?

However, during one of her various attempts to run away, she meets a former knife-thrower from a circus and learns how to defend herself and fight (with knives. she hates guns). When she’s 16, she kills her roommate, cuts her hair like joan of arc and runs away for good. She comes to The City, meets Jaz and works on her plan to kill government officials and overthrow the government.

At some point, she meets Elliot in a casino (i yet have to decide why she’s there), a gambler who fights against the corrupt politicians by inviting them to a game of poker and cheating. Hehe. But hes a real sweetheart and hates violence (when he has to do it himself. when ada does it it turns him on tbh) and just wants to have world peace. He btw doesn’t have any less trauma than ada, it just shows differently. But explaining all that too would take too long now.

And yeah, they join forces and they are both into each other but ada is a really difficult person to like. Bc she doesn’t even like herself so. I don’t know how it’s going to end yet but that’s it so far. i love them a lot. very very much

(also here’s an excerpt as a treat)

The first time Ada Speer killed someone, she was sixteen years old. She stabbed the girl with a pair of scissors that she had just cut her hair with and it was insignificant, really. It was a necessity. She had it coming. (Thinking back, Ada was not sure if she would have done it again. Something she had noticed during the years was that people disliked being killed.)

The second time she killed someone was in a dark alley in The City. She was still sixteen but she felt like forty-three at least. A man was molesting a girl in a green, sparkling dress but Ada was wearing black so they only noticed her when she slit his throat.

This was how she met Jaz.

Later, when they were sitting side by side near the river, Jaz said: “Look, I appreciate you saving me and everything but did you really have to kill him just like that?”

Ada looked at her in astonishment. “What else should I have done? Beat him up? He probably wouldn’t even have been grateful. And it wouldn’t have changed him either.” She wasn’t entirely sure if Jaz understood her reasoning.

What Ada just couldn’t process was why exactly people hated being killed so much. It wasn’t like they had any say in the matter.

Ada had learnt very early in life that it was better not to be angry about things you couldn’t change. She stopped wondering why certain girls disappeared sometimes without an explanation but she figured that they would stop disappearing if the teachers were dead. This was something she would take care of later.

At first, Jaz was a little hesitant to let Ada sleep in her room and Ada couldn’t really blame her for that. She liked Jaz and so she refrained from threatening her and in the end, Jaz saw that letting Ada stay with her was the best outcome for everyone.

Sorry if i went a little overboard here lmao i hope it doesn’t bother you but i was DYING to talk about it!

#ardea answers #blind-the-winds #c: ada #c: elliot

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apixrl · 3 years

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DRIVER'S LICENSE.

katsuki bakugou x fem! reader

WARNING(S): angst. cheating. swearing because it's bakugou.

word count: 4.5k

song: drivers license // olivia rodrigo (i wonder why...)

note(s): so i captioned this *at the time of writing* 'hello and welcome to i've had the worst two weeks ever so i wrote a katsuki oneshot to cope' and it's probably one of my most personal pieces of writing tbh

"-come Tuesday and we'll potentially see an end to this heavy downpour of rain. Temperatures will be on the rise to around-"

The talk on the radio cut short at the jab of your finger, heaving a great sigh which faded into the muffled pitter-patter of rain from outside. The streets had been showered with heavy downpours for the last week or so, no sign of sun or a still and restful day. Notwithstanding the miserable outdoors, the windscreen wipers on your car never ceased in their duty to grant you a clear view of the road ahead. And whilst you were grateful for their devotion, it didn't feel clear in the slightest. In fact, the road had never felt so blurry.

Shivering against the cold night chill and tucking your knees cosily to your chest, you eyed the raindrops on the windows. They raced against one another before they dripped down to your car's body, their glossy presence obvious thanks to the many hues of street lamps that surrounded them. You could have watched them for hours, being honest. Something about the droplets of water battling it out quite enticing. Anything to take you away from the cruel reality you were living in.

Your heart ached and yearned. But to no avail, the one you ached and yearned for didn't love you back.

Not anymore, at least.

Just the mere thought provoked a pulsating pang to resonate throughout your entire body. A pang filled with grief and sadness. Anger and hurt. You missed his sun-kissed face on the sunny mornings. You missed his eyes and how they gazed at you from across the room. You missed the smiles and laughter he would only show for you and you alone. The sense of glee and euphoria that came with that honour. Yet all of it was gone and there was no way you could get it back.

The memories of what had been triggered more waterworks. Hot, salty tears dug at the corners of your eyes and trickled down your face. Your motionless car concealed your cries and sobs. Every thrash against the wheel as you questioned to nobody in particular what went wrong and why. How you didn't see the signs sooner. What you could have done better. When he stopped loving you. If he ever planned to stop loving you. Whether it would have hurt more if you found out sooner.

All these questions with nothing to answer them.

Katsuki Bakugou had always fascinated you. From the very moment you met. You accompanied your friend on a double date, and he was the guy who she matched for you. Whilst he originally acted as though a blind date was the last place he wanted to be, underneath the aggression you could tell there was something much more genuine and true.

And your assumptions were correct. Truth be told, Katsuki Bakugou was one of the most genuine and truest people you had met (at the time). Once it was just the two of you, he allowed his true colours to unveil. Through the smallest of kind gestures that still haunted your mind to this day. Then upon confrontation, as you bid each other goodbye at your back door, his denial resulted in a flirtatious contest which then proceeded to an intimate night that changed your life forever. From there your mind was set.

He was the one.

Emphasis on was.

So blinded with a fairy tale love you grew so accustomed to, you never saw it coming. Never in your two-year relationship - that had so much strength and commitment built on top of it, never did you think that Katsuki Bakugou would throw it all out of the window like it was nothing. Disregard your loyalty and adoration for a drunken one night stand that slowly became an occasional hookup. Which soon became a mandatory pastime once a fortnight. Then twice. Maybe more than that. You wouldn't put it past him with what you knew now.

He kept it from you for nearly six months. Six months. The only reason you discovered his lies and deception was because you were let off early one night from work. You worked a night shift, see. Your last job had fallen to shambles, and it was temporary whilst you searched for a new one. And whilst that did take a toll on your relationship with Katsuki Bakugou, mostly finding time for intimacy since his working hours were during the day, none of that gave him any right to go and do what he did.

That wasn't one of the only reasons, you knew that for sure. There were other motives for his lack of loyalty. But you were never told. After you froze at the sight of another woman under his hold and stormed straight back to your car to flee. After he chased you down the flights of stairs in nothing but baggy pants into the streets of a twilight Musutafu. After you screamed into the darkness and belted your fists against his chest. Fists that were driven with rage and hurt and every emotion that burned like the hottest of fires and froze like the coldest of ice. He never even told you. He never made an effort to address it. Nor had he attempted to call or even try to visit your Mom's house - where you stayed as you searched for a permanent place to live. Just because you retreated for your car and cried that it was over, he never tried. But that didn't mean you weren't allowed an explanation. An apology. Something to give you a form of closure and a reason to move on. But you never did.

That wasn't even what hurt the most, either.

As silly as it was, the thing that hurt you the most was the very car you sat in.

EIGHT MONTHS AGO . . .

The red glow of traffic lights hit Katsuki's vermilion irises as he stared dead ahead at the long line of vehicles, the ash-blond heaving a sigh into the air. His finger tapped impatiently against the steering wheel he gripped with one hand, the spare rested casually against your upper thigh affectionately.

"I can't believe we have to sit through this torture just to go to some damn party," Katsuki grumbled, taking a glance over at you. His brows furrowed when he met you peacefully slouched down, nose dug into your phone as you presumably played some sort of game to pass the time. Like you had no care in the world for your predicament.

"It's your best friend's birthday, love," You mused back, Katsuki surprised you even listened based on your focused expression directed towards your phone. "It's not like we can just miss it,"

"Yeah, but we could have missed all this pain by taking the train instead of driving across town during rush hour,"

"Trains are icky, the seats would have ruined your suit and my dress," You pointed out, looking at the blond over your screen, sending him a sweet smile. He cocked a brow, a smirk creeping its way onto his lips as a scoff of a laugh broke out between them.

"Right, and laying down like a sloth is gonna help keep your dress uncreased?" He returned, amused at your realisation. At his comment, you sat up faintly and pouted your lip.

"Driving means more time to play Gravity Pops, and so does traffic,"

"Seriously? That's the game you're playing? You're such a dumbass,"

"Yes! I'm in the top 11% globally! I need to get to number one!" Was your protest, your arms flailing ahead of you briefly for dramatic emphasis. Katsuki clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes, though the small smile plastered over his lips betrayed his initial reaction. Unable to deny your determination, he spoke with confidence and almost a sense of pride.

"Number one, hm? Clearly rubbing off on you aren't I?"

"In a way, yes,"

"That's my girl," Katsuki remarked, earning a giggle from you that was uplifting to hear. It was there your attention went back to your phone, but Katsuki wasn't done. "So, speaking of cars, Y/N," Hearing his chosen tone - which sounded suggestive, you eyed him closely. Hesitant to reply as you had a sense of what he planned to say.

"...Yes?"

"Have you thought any more about getting your driver's license yet?"

Called it.

"...No,"

"What?" Katsuki began, tilting his head. He was surprised that he felt surprised. You had said those words in regards to this topic countless times. Still, he persisted. "Is that a no meaning you haven't or no meaning that you don't want to?"

"Both?" You half-guessed, sheepishly grinning at the look you were sent. "Look, cars scare me okay? And so do roads. And people. My nerves wouldn't be able to handle it! I can barely communicate with people face to face, so me being on the road is a recipe for disaster!"

"I know but -," Katsuki exhaled sharply, understanding your reasoning. You had voiced these concerns when confiding to Katsuki about your fears of the road. Something built and corrupted from social media as well as phobias and fears in general, it was a battle you had yet to overcome. You wanted to drive but was terrified of messing up or causing chaos on the road. Potentially inflicting harm to someone and yourself. You still weren't sure what triggered it all, but over the years it had manifested into something quite irrational, to say the least. Katsuki had been supportive of it and whilst he truly would love to always act as your personal taxi - you couldn't hide from it forever. It wasn't his job to keep you in your comfort zone. That, and he couldn't always be there for you that way. What if he was miles away and you had somewhere urgent to go like the hospital? "It's not as scary as you think. I know it's hard to believe that but seriously. The freedom you get from driving is amazing,"

"I'll think about it a little longer, okay?" You said with hesitancy, looking at Katsuki for a sign of confirmation. He nodded in defeat, knowing you probably needed more time and felt put on the spot. So he averted his eyes back to the road to check if the traffic had moved at all. It had not.

"Okay," Katsuki said. "But I can't be your taxi service forever,"

"But I like you being my taxi service," You jokingly said, a little sadness in your tone. "Your road rage is funny and I like watching you get out of the car and walk to my door after pulling up in my driveway,"

"What do you mean?" Katsuki asked, catching the twitch of a smile on your face upon saying those words. It struck his interest in what you could mean.

"You know, like when you say you're coming to pick me up?" You explained. "You pull up at my driveway and I don't know... simple things like that just remind me of how much I love you. It's dumb really, but it's important to me,"

"Really?" Katsuki questioned in disbelief. How something so small and meaningless could mean so much was puzzling. He couldn't understand why it was so special to you. But that didn't invalidate it in any shape or form. So he pushed that aside, replacing his wonder with gratitude. He returned to your bashful and flustered features, feeling a smile grow on his face.

"Yeah," You said, shrugging to downplay your words. "I love you. Stuff like that means a lot to me,"

"I love you too, even though you're a dumbass," Katsuki said, humbled by what you had said. The two of you shared a gentle exchange, your hand grabbing hold of Katsuki's as you gave it a squeeze. He squeezed back, and silence ensued. Had he realised such a thing sooner, then Katsuki would have pulled up in your driveway much more than he had been doing. But at that a thought struck his mind, victoriously smirking as he had an idea on how to potentially sway your worries. Or begin swaying it. Something was better than nothing, after all. "But what if I wanted you to pull up in my driveway one day?" His words caused you to look over at him in curiosity, hearing the seriousness in the question. It caught you off guard momentarily, having to contemplate as you gradually concluded that he had a point.

"Well one day, maybe I will," You vaguely replied and sat up a little bit. The hand holding yours pulled back and lifted to land on your shoulder, gripping reassuringly tight.

"I hope you do, I'd like to get in on this driveway action," He joked and smirked, faith riddled in his expression. You giggled ever so slightly, tempted to lean forward and peck Katsuki on the lips in thanks, but never a thing was to happen as the alerting red light from outside switched to warm amber.

"Ah!" Katsuki yelled in triumph, his attention leaving you swiftly as he got back into the driver's seat. Giving you no opportunity to respond to him and overall ruining the moment. "Took fucking long enough!"

The light turned green, and he set the car in motion, leaving you with your thoughts and the words he had uttered that day as the traffic stood still.

All your efforts, all your time devoted to getting over your fear of driving and the road as a whole... all of it was pointless. You did it for him. You promised him you would overcome your fears and better yourself. He built that motivation up brick by brick until you could grab hold and seize control. He wasted all that time to get you to reach such a stepping stone only to abandon it once it was through.

Just so you could pull up in his driveway, just like he requested. And what did you get in return when you finally did? A stab in the back and the loss of your other half.

You wiped your eyes via the sleeve of your hoodie, dampening the cuffs. Sniffling and exhaling a shaky breath, your gaze landed on nothing in particular. Yet somewhere within your clouded mind, you found interest. As that was where your gaze remained for a certain amount of time. You weren't sure how long exactly. It could have felt like an hour and only been five minutes. Or it could have felt like five minutes and was actually an entire hour. Either way, the clock ticked on and didn't wait for you to stop.

It was a good thing you had pushed your fears down and rose above them. It just pained you that you didn't even do it for yourself. Without Katsuki Bakugou, you never had any intentions of doing so. As a matter of fact, you had set out to take the train or bus for the rest of your life. Hell, you were going to use a bike and scooter if you got desperate. Had he even acknowledged how much work you put in just to get where you were? Was all that effort part of the reason why he decided to cheat? There was absolutely no telling. Absolutely no telling at all.

You wondered what he was doing now. Was he laid in bed resting peacefully? Out with his friends for a boy's night only? Maybe cooking his favourite curry? Possibly on a late-night jog despite the harsh weather? It never stopped him other times.

Did he ever think about you? Regret what he did and the actions he took? Had he ever considered apologising? Would he ever apologise? What if he was celebrating the fact you were no longer in his life? Had there ever been any love there for you in the start? Did he ever actually want you to get your driver's license because he believed in you? Or was it so he could get rid of you with much more ease? Make his departure less severe and less selfish? A way to justify his choices because it's not like you were hopelessly left to suffer everyday life now that you had a means of transport. Was he really that cruel?

Your thoughts were interrupted by the sharp jingle of your phone, the device lighting up as it sat in the passenger seat to your left. It took two or three rings for you to glance over at it, E/C eyes sore and drained from crying out. You squinted them to read the caller, seeing the name 'Work' fade in and out on the brightly lit screen. For a second or two you argued back and forth on whether to even bother picking up. Something about reaching across for your phone requiring a magnitude of energy you no longer possessed. Having spent it all on your cries of agony and the deprivation of your old life as a whole.

However, you had ignored your work in the last couple of weeks too many times now. So many times that pulling the same stunt again would probably risk you losing your job. It's not like your work was interested in why you felt such overwhelming pain... all they cared about was you turning up to do what you were hired to.

So using a forceful hand, you leaned over to pick it up. You fumbled to grip your phone and accepted the call with a dainty tap of your thumb. Then you blinked away your tears and subtly sniffed, pressing your phone to your ear to address the caller.

"Hello?" You practically croaked, quick to clear your throat and push any signs of upset down. It was presumably dry from how much you'd cried in the last two hours.

"L/N! Hey! Glad you finally picked up!" Unlike the droll and unvarying tones of your boss, the person on the other end was much more lively and greeting. So much so you could only assume it was none other than your work colleague, Etsuko. Probably the only person you genuinely liked where you worked, and the only person who made the time pass by faster. "I was worried you were gonna leave me on answer phone again,"

"Hm, what? Oh right. Yeah. Sorry about that. Haven't been feeling too great," You lied, even though it wasn't a complete fib. You hadn't been feeling great at all. You had never felt so rock bottom. It all just originated from your mind over anything else. But when did work care about that?

"Sounds like it, I hope you've been okay!" Still cheery as ever, Etsuko followed up with a laugh to fill the silence you created by not saying anything. "Is everything well? It's nothing serious, is it?"

"No. It's not. Just some dumb cold I caught," You excused. "I'm better now, though," Slouching down in your seat, you decided to ask the question that had been roaming your mind the last minute or so. "So why are you calling?"

"Oh, right!" Etsuko said. "Mr Kobashigawa was just wondering when you planned on coming back - for schedule reasons and to get people to fill in for your shifts,"

"I er...," Not entirely sure how to answer, you stuttered as your words cowered away in your attempt to speak. "I don't -,"

"It's okay, he doesn't need an answer yet," Etsuko reassured. "Maybe in the next day or two, though? He wasn't really specific, being honest,"

You sighed at the guilt brewing in your stomach. You weren't even sick for crying out loud! Why were you lying just so you could wallow in your own sadness?! Like that was going to change anything! Sitting around and crying wasn't going to give you what you wanted. You weren't getting him back. Katsuki Bakugou wasn't yours anymore. He made that clear by cheating. By making minimal effort to give you an explanation. By causing you so much pain with little care or concern. Why couldn't you get it through your thick skull that your feelings didn't matter anymore?! That they were being wasted on a lost cause. A lost relationship!

"Well I mean -," You started, running a hand through your hair as you tread carefully on your words. "I could come in tonight? Has Mr Kobashigawa got someone to fill for me yet?"

"Um... no? I don't think so?" Etsuko answered, uncertainty in her voice. "Let me go check. Be right back!" And with that, the line fell dead. The call didn't end, just Etsuko placing the phone down to get an answer for you. Leaving you all by your lonesome once more.

Reflecting, you could see the logic in your thoughts. The best course of action would be to hold your head up high and live life the way it was before. When you were happy. Just... excluding the factors that actually made you happy. Which was him. Wouldn't that be healthier than crying all the time?

Yes, it would. But was it what you wanted? Not really.

"L/N!" The voice in your ear startled you to the point you nearly dropped your phone, panicking through a gasp as you fiddled to grab hold of it again.

"Wa-! Careful you nearly scared me half to death!"

"Oops, sorry!" Etsuko giggled softy, sounding as perky as ever. "I'm just excited to tell you that nobody's filling in your shift! You can still come in for ten-thirty!"

"I-I can?" You asked. After an upbeat 'yeah!' filtered through your ears, you considered your options. Remaining in the serene, quiet confines of your car with only the downfall of rain to accompany you sounded like utter bliss, given how you felt. But you felt an internal kick up the backside which told you - no... demanded you to just get over this moping attitude of yours and look on the bright side. To get over the lack of closure and simply... move on.

Yeah... if he found out you were an utter train wreck thanks to the damage he inflicted; Katsuki Bakugou would probably revel in it. He had a history of gaining pleasure from other's misfortunes... or it was rumoured he did (during his younger years, anyway). You had never wanted to believe it but you couldn't find a reason to refute it anymore. After all you had been through, it seemed to fit his character and personality more than ever. So with that fact apparent, you held a firm forefront and searched for a determined tone, and made your answer to your friend.

"You betcha I'm coming in! I'll see you in half an hour!"

Too enthusiastic? Probably. Still, it was better than acting pessimistic and hopeless. No matter, however, because that was exactly the attitude Etsuko had been hoping for.

"Alrighty!" She exclaimed, smile audible in her voice from the other end. "I can't wait to get our dynamic duo going again! I've missed you!"

"Yeah, me too, 'Suko," You hummed in agreement.

"Great! Catch ya later my partner in crime,"

"Heh. You too, dumbass," You found a reason to smile from her childish behaviour, though your choice of wording seemed to hit a nerve. It did more than that, it practically reverted all that confidence and progress you had made in the last ten minutes of being on the phone. All from one innocent word that escaped your lips.

Dumbass.

That's what he used to call you.

The phone call had ended without you even noticing, your phone still pressed to your ear as a small buzz sounded into it. You stared dead ahead, flashes of all the times he had said that word to you running through your memory. It was his form of a pet name. Some might see it as a little degrading on the surface, but you never minded. Once you learned the deeper meaning of the name, it became something equivalent to the likes of 'Sunshine' or 'Angel'. If anything, you ended up preferring it to those sorts of nicknames. Hence why Katsuki Bakugou had called you it on so many occasions.

No. Stop it. You can't let something like that bother you. Not after the efforts you just went to. Stop. Shaking yourself out of it, you returned to reality and permitted your phone to drop onto your lap. Your hand once holding it gripped onto your steering wheel, the other following shortly behind to do the same.

"I love you too, even if you're a dumbass,"

That rung in your head one final time, tormenting and mocking your present. The things you'd be willing to do to hear him say that to you one last time...

"No," You firmly shook your head, banging it lightly against the headrest to return yourself to reality. An attempt to knock those words to the back of your mind where you could lock them in a securely tight safe for the rest of eternity. "Just... just don't think about it. Easy. Just focus on what you're doing now," You reached for your keys which sat in the ignition, taking hold and turning them ever so slightly. Your car stirred to life, engine rumbling and the dials lighting up in a form of warm greeting. "You're going to work. No more feeling sorry for yourself,"

No more feeling sorry for yourself.

Your eyes set themselves on the road ahead. The vacant, dark and solitary road that didn't wait for you to make your decision. Life moved on after all, so if you were going to do anything - it was to catch up and take the winning lead.

So despite your circumstances; your inner desires and wishes and begs for what you wanted back but to no avail would ever get, you pulled out of your parking space (which had long exceeded the time limit, thankfully nobody was around to see) that drowned in pitiful rains of the night, and began to make your way down the street. In search of a place better than the one you were trapped in.

An endless road that wasn't all that clear, you were going to tackle it. Not for anyone else, unlike the last time you met difficulty and hardships. No, no, no. This time it was for your sake. All the mental energy to recover and become a better version of yourself, in the endgame it was all for you. You could push past all the deceit and lies you had been told and you could push past your normality which was him. Katsuki Bakugou. The man that hurt you as nobody had ever done before. You could create new normality without him.

A thought of forever he created and destroyed, resorted to driving alone past his street, never to be thought of again.

#katsuki bakugō #katsuki bakugo x reader #bnha bakugo katsuki #bnha x reader #mha x reader #bakugou x reader #anime x reader #anime #x reader #angst #katsuki bakugou x female reader #katsuki bakugou x you #katsuki x y/n #katsuki bakugou

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autisticsidesau · 5 years

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Hi, I have a big suspicion that I'm autistic, for numerous of reasons but I'm also pretty sure, if I was, wouldn't it have been noticed by now? Besides, I'm pretty sure my mom won't let me get tested, so any advice? Sorry if I'm bothering you.

I’d like to start off here by establishing this is an au blog, not an advice blog. Neither remy nor I are trained professionals so all we can give you is recounts of our experiences and hope that helps. I got diagnosed at age 14 and once I started to put the pieces together I was frustrated that why didn’t anyone notice sooner it’s so obvious. At first I was mad like cmon guys why didn’t you notice I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 10. But then I stepped back and remembered that I’m AFAB and there are a lot of issues with diagnosing afab people with autism specifically that there are a lot of misconceptions in the medical industry about what autism is. Eventually I just learned to take a page out of Elsa's book and literally let it go. The past is in the past. I can’t change what happened and there’s no point in holding onto that anger. I got diagnosed two years ago and I am very grateful for that so I learn to make the best of what i have now and work on using my accommodations and helping the people around me understand what autism is and what it looks like and how to best accommodate me and most of my friends have been really understanding ~Max

What Max said pretty much. We aren’t experts and can only share our own experiences. But tbh, it's totally possible you wouldn’t have noticed. There’s this idea of what autism is and I never realized so many of the things I did were actually autistic traits. Learning about what autism was as a spectrum was connecting pieces of my entire life in a way that finally made sense. And as to your mom piece, that really sucks and tbh, I don’t have advice for that. Just know that you don’t have to have a diagnosis to be valid. I’m still self diagnosed bc getting a professional diagnosis isn’t a possibility for me rn. I hope you get what you think you need, but know that even if you don’t get a professional diagnosis and still know you’re autistic, that’s completely valid too. And you aren’t bothering us at all. Just do please know that we aren’t experts either. I don’t mind sharing if that might help you, but we’re just people too. Thanks for reaching out :D ~Remy

#autistic sides au #anon ask #autism ask #max talks #remy talks #ablesim #diagnosis #self diagnosis

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lizzybeth1986 · 6 years

Text

Quick Thoughts on Book 3, Chapter 14

• Apologies for the delay, guys. Still recovering.

• It's time for our Ball! YAY.

• ...and for Hana's parents. Not so yay.

• Every LI in the group has at least one not-very-ideal parent. For Liam and Maxwell it's their dads (though Bartalemy seems to be the best of the four) and for Drake and Hana it's their mums.

• Title: Welcome, One and All!

• Alternate Titles should include This Chapter Is Brought To You By Jeffery.

• For those who don't remember the TRR pre-release interviews, Jeffery is the dude who loves hats:

I'm pretty sure this chapter is his baby.

• So technically Xinghai and Lorelai have not kept in touch with Hana since her fight with Xinghai in Shanghai (that rhymes). There is a hint that she might have tried to reach out to them before the tour if you were getting engaged to her (she asks Ana de Luca to send the copies of her shoot to an address, which I presume was her home in Shanghai).

•

You bet I slammed that last option.

• There's also not a lot of difference in this scene between the Hana playthrough and the non-Hana one, and there should have been. The dynamics of this discussion will - should - be different if you're Hana's fiancée. They have Lorelai and Hana's dialogues change if you're marrying her at the end, but technically that's unavoidable. There should have been an obvious difference in dialogue here as well.

• Bertrand has returned. Again.

• AND HE'S LATE. Apparently because his son needs to be coached on proper cutlery placement through the babysitter.

• We have a brief tete-a-tete about Savannah and Bartie before moving on to our OOTD:

Tbh I think I'm okay with both. I had my reservations about the neck but I also like capes so I will take it. The traditional dove one makes you look like Red Riding Hood.

If you choose the phoenix gown, you also get to don a humongous hat, and you get the option to take it off anytime.

Esther loves hats. She's a happy happy camper xD She may not have said those 'fancy hat's comments to Regina in Book 1 but you bet she was thinking them! So Esther - and I as Esther's creator - feel validated and vindicated and all other sorts of v words 😄

• Also yes, Esther, I'm pretty sure that hat ate every other hat in Cordonia before making its way to your head.

• It's now time for our Ball, and our LIs are waiting for us to make our entrance. Liam calls you 'a heroine of myth and song', Maxwell tells you you're 'on fire', Drake asks him if you're trying to give him a heart attack, and Hana settles for a very simple 'you look gorgeous'.

• Okay yadda yadda announcements, yadda yadda speech, yadda yadda complimentes from guests esp if you chose the phoenix decor, yadda accolades all around.

• Basically the main conversations taking place at the Ball are with Madeleine, Kiara, Regina, Mara and Olivia.

- Madeleine: Mainly to close the main loop of Madeleine's role as press secretary. The previous conversation with Liam/Drake at the Lythikos Ball is implied when you choose to call her a snake, even though she sees that as a compliment.

- Kiara: You get to either call her brave, or to ask her about her well-being. Thankfully, she is able to at least sleep at night now. They're definitely wrapping up Kiara's story here. Which is okay, I'm pretty certain it wasn't meant to be manifested in the first place and I suppose I'm expected to be grateful she got some attention. But I won't be, because she deserved this - and perhaps better. I couldn't care less for her brother and would rather not see him again but at least they had the decency to wrap up her storyline first this time rather than ignore it in favour of him completely.

- One of my favourite sequences is the one with Regina. She's clearly affected by Constantine's death and still hasn't recovered enough to get used to the idea of attending a Ball without his presence yet. But you also see her struggling with the stoicism she's been brought up on, and chastising herself because she can't. You have the choice of either asking her what Constantine would have told her if he were alive (like hell I'll choose that option!) or telling her she should allow herself to grieve. I thought her parting words in this conversation were beautiful.

- Mara: From Mara we learn that the Nevrakis family had connections with the Sons of Earth, and that in fact Anton is the son of the leader of that group. I've seen some interesting theories around this, one of which is (I believe this one is @alicars theory) that he is Francesco's son. Which...would make that first meeting in Italy quite interesting, as well as the reveal that Francesco was friends with Liam's mother. Will Liam's mother's background be brought up in future chapters??

- Olivia: So this is what all our efforts to win Olivia over culminates into! I have such Diavolos vibes with this scene (not the betrayal bit, but the winning their trust bit. Olivia I think sticks by Liam's side whether she likes you or not), because if you look at the TCaTF ally chart in Book 3, Diavolos' name is the last on the list of people to join you, even though he has spent time with you as an ally and been part of the rescue mission to save Mind Control!Dom. In a lot of ways, while Olivia has a huge connection to Liam and becomes your ally on that score, it requires effort and some ice-breaking to get her to fully support you.

• Say hello to my new pets y'all!

As of now Esther has a horse named Celestia, a corgi names Joy, a visiting hawk named Tiberius, a black panther named Cava and two red pandas she has named Hansel and Gretel.

• I wonder if you have the ensuing group scene if you don't choose to accept the red pandas (I'd see for myself but the red pandas have really adorable sad faces).

• The group scene is alright, it's a lot like the one in Shanghai with the pandas. Liam is adorable and holds them like a pro, Maxwell is super super SUPER excited, Hana is shocked by their lack of manners (Hana they're animals!) in comparison to pandas and Drake is a mean meanie. You have Zeke on the side giving us factual animal info.

• We're now back at the estate, and Hana's folks have arrived.

• TO TAKE HANA BACK???

• Hana puts up a good fight against her mum (let's be honest, Xinghai hardly seems to have a say in this. He looks sad about this and barely gets in a sentence. This show is all Lorelai's), and refuses to come with them, at which point Lorelai insists on taking her belongings away since they belong to the Lee family, and she isn't a Lee anymore.

• You know what I want Hana to say?

"FINE KEEP THE CRUMMY LUGGAGE MOM LETS SEE IF YOU CAN MAKE ANOTHER WHOLEASS CHILD OUT OF THAT"

• Please tell me she gets to kick Lorelai's ass this chapter. Please.

• So the Ball and festival will continue this chapter, and I'm guessing that any drama might happen later on in the Capitol if we go by the trajectory of the previous books. The places most closely connected to the MC - Ramsford, New York, Valtoria - are usually where you forget briefly the tension in the books, before being plunged into complete and total chaos.

• I still think there's a LOT we have left to find out. A LOT.

• There is a possibility that Hana will get a diamond scene post her confrontation with her parents. And as far as I can see it, this is the culmination of her entire journey, her entire struggle. This is the last shot the writers have at doing justice to her character, and giving her a good scene. If Hana doesn't get an extremely fulfilling, nuanced scene - one that has a marked difference between her as a fiancee and her as a friend - then I doubt she will get another one. They will have lost their chance to be fair to this character.

• And if they fail to do justice to this character...I'm afraid that will be the end for me. I may be chapter reviews and essays, I may still write stuff inspired by this book...but whatever love I still have for TRR will be lost for good.

• Because you know what you're telling me, a brown woman with an upbringing not entirely unlike Hana's? Who loves this character and has to now try to relate to her because her own writers didn't give me enough material? You're telling me that you don't think stories like Hana's - stories like mine - are worth attention, worth nuance, worth telling properly, worth telling with heart. You're telling me women like Hana are alright as tokens, but not important enough as characters. You're telling me you want the accolades that go with using women of colour in your stories, but don't want to put in the work. In fact...you're already telling me that. You've been telling me that for the last two books.

• I'm sincerely hoping this will change with the chapter I will play now, and that I and other Hana stans don't walk away from this chapter disappointed. I really, really do. It won't completely make up for the lack of care they have given this character...but it will be SOMETHING.

• With that, I'm going to go into this week's chapter, folks. Seeya!

#the royal romance #long post #king liam #drake walker #hana lee #maxwell beaumont #lady kiara #queen regina #olivia nevrakis #trr quick thoughts #quick thoughts #valtoria #cordonia

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ponyregrets · 7 years

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Is there a Bellamy pov for 'I frankly would've liked to stay'? Coz I really want to know what prompted them starting to make out, like, did Clarke say something? He made the move, but I can't read his side of things as well in this one so I'm mighty curious. I bet you'd come up with something amazing!

tbh the explanation is mostly “he wanted to make out with her” but you know

original fic here on AO3 and alt POV here!

The thing about Clarke is that she's like no one else Bellamy has ever had in his life. She likes him without any obligation to like him, and apparently with no misconceptions or ulterior motives. She enjoys spending time with him, doesn't get intimidated or annoyed by his moods, and seems to appreciate when he stands up to her, even when she's very determined to get her way.

She is, of course, also intelligent and beautiful and makes his whole chest feel warm, and he would like, very much, to figure out how to make it work with her. It being however far he can safely get on the sliding scale from friends to lovers. If all they ever are is good roommates who are fond of each other, he'll live, but he'd be much happier if he could at some point make out with her.

And he's pretty sure that should not, in any way, require his addressing the TV thing.

Honestly, nothing should require his addressing the the TV thing, because the TV thing is just not a big fucking deal. Every time he thinks about it, he tells himself that. Everyone else tells him that too, but they never make it sound believable. After all, it's hard to believe when every time someone finds out that he hasn't seen whatever thing he'd just love, and he says he's not interested, and it's always just--weird.

In some ways, it's become a test for him. He thought Miller would be a dick about it, but Miller just said, "Fuck, if you want to deprive yourself of cool shit, that's your call. You still play video games?" and that was it.

With Clarke, the biggest problem is that she makes him want to like the things she likes. He's at that stage of his crush where he wants to know everything about her, and she's the kind of person who likes having the TV on. And, from what he can tell, she has pretty good taste in her media.

So he starts asking about it slowly. If she has something he doesn't recognize on, he asks what it is, and she tells him, and that's about as far as he's gotten. Which is sad, and he's more than aware of it. But he'll come up with a second step, at some point. It really shouldn't be that awkward.

But he waits too long, so it is.

It's not strange for him to find her on the couch in her pajamas on a Saturday morning; when they first moved in together, she asked if he minded her hanging out in the living room with the TV on while he was around, and he said no, and she told him to just let him know if he ever wanted to watch something else.

Which, of course, he never has.

He goes into to the kitchen to pour himself a mug of coffee, leans against the counter to watch whatever is happening on the screen. It looks like fantasy, which isn't something he sees her watching a lot, and he takes a sip of his drink before he asks, "What are you watching?"

Instead of answering, she twists around to frown at him, which is not her usual reaction. "What do you mean, what am I watching?"

He frowns right back. "I'm not sure how that question could be clearer. You even repeated it."

"Fellowship of the Ring," she says, and he doesn't wince, but that explains that. "Extended edition."

He keeps his voice casual as he pushes off the counter to lean over her instead. "Oh yeah, they made a movie of that." Whoever's on the screen is short and kind of dirty, so he makes an educated guess. "Is that Frodo?"

"That's Gimli," she says, amused.

"Oh, yeah, that makes way more sense."

He pushes off the couch, and heads to the kitchen, thinking he's escaped from the awkwardness, but then he hears, "How have you not seen this? I know you have the books. I've seen the books on your shelves."

"I just never saw them," he finally says, knowing she's not going to let it go at that. He remembers when they came out, and it was all he heard about at school for weeks. He knows the guy who plays Legolas is, like, really dreamy, and that even jock kids liked the movies, which he told himself was a sign he wouldn't have.

But he really had wanted to see them. He'd done the math over and over, making sure he really couldn't afford it, and he really couldn't. So he didn't.

He hears the movie stop, and he doesn't let himself turn around. Not even when she says, "It really just started. You should watch with me." When he still doesn't respond, she adds, "Fellowship is definitely the best, but you can get mad about how they screwed up Faramir in Two Towers."

It's not what he was expecting her to say at all, and something in his chest relaxes. She doesn't think these movies are perfect. She's probably not even going to be offended if he complains about them. "They screwed up Faramir?"

There's a smug note in her voice that says she knows she's won. "Totally. Come on, Bellamy," she wheedles, for good measure. "I was in this fandom for a while. I can tell you all about the slash fanfic I read about Legolas and Gimli making out."

"I don't have to actually watch it for you to tell me about that," he points out, like he's not already a lost cause. She's never asked him to watch anything else before, and apparently he's not good at resisting her. "Isn't it like ten billion hours?"

"I'm sorry, did you suddenly grow a social life? Did you make plans for the weekend?"

He puts his coffee down on the table. "I need to get a book. So I can pretend I'm studying."

"Uh huh. I'll start it over."

He gets a book and sees that she's moved from the middle cushion to the left one, so he takes the right, leaving a good couple feet of space between them. The last time he watched a movie with someone, it was "watching a movie" as a clear and unmistakable excuse to make out. Which he's used to.

With Clarke, it's friendly. She puts her feet up on the coffee table and has her sketchpad in her lap, and aside from the anxious flutter in his chest, it feels like the kind of thing he could get used to. That he'd like to get used to. It would be nice, being good at watching movies with Clarke.

It still takes him a while to get there.

They blaze through The Lord of the Rings over the weekend, and it does go well. Bellamy has some trouble actually relaxing, but Clarke has a knack for putting him at ease. And she doesn't seem to care that he's not thrilled with the way they did Eowyn's storyline and thinks that a lot of the better speeches lost some of their impact going to screen. She has her own complaints, and there's plenty to like about the adaptation too.

It's fun, and he wants to be happy about it, but he can't help waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Because this is not something Clarke is letting go. She's not exactly subtle about it, but she is--well, she's cool about it, thinking about what he'll like and why he might like it. He assumes she talked to his sister, which is weird, but flattering, and it comes across as something she wants to share with him.

It's nice, it just feels like only a matter of time before he hits something that makes it awkward.

"I've never seen a Mad Max movie," he tells her, in line for Fury Road. Just to test the waters.

"Neither have I, but assholes on the internet are boycotting this one because it has too many women, so how bad can it be? And I don't think there's a ton of plot we have to follow."

"Wait," he says, holding up his hand. "That's a thing?"

"Which part?"

"People boycott movies because they have too many women?"

"Have we talked about the Ghostbusters reboot?" she asks, sounding thoughtful, and maybe that's why this thing is working for him. It's not just that she wants to share this stuff with him, it's that she knows what he's going to be interested.

She's working at it, and it's hard to feel anything but grateful and happy about that.

"You haven't," he says, shifting a little closer. "Do we have time?"

"Not for all of it. But I'm not going anywhere."

He bites the corner of his mouth. "No. So, tell me about Ghostbusters."

He actually really likes the anime. Not just because it's cool, but because Clarke hasn't seen a lot of it either, so he feels less pressure. If he was watching Clarke's favorite movie and hating it, he'd feel bad, but he likes forming opinions with her, or seeing her rediscover something she'd largely forgotten, enough so that when she says they're on their last Ghibli movie, he's honestly disappointed.

"I don't know anything about this one," Clarke says, making a face. "Grave of the Fireflies. Watch or skip it?"

"We've got it, why would we skip it?"

She looks so happy that he wishes he could just be normal about this. That he could just forget his random spikes of anxiety and watch things as casually as she does.

But he's still kind of a weird anxious mess, so that's all he's got.

"Yeah," she agrees. "I've heard it's good."

And part of Bellamy can recognize that it is good. Quality isn't the issue. But Clarke has been sticking, largely, to fun, somewhat fantastical stuff. Most of the movies were at least a little emotional, but Grave of the Fireflies is a war movie, and it's a war movie that starts with a little boy dying after he fails to save his younger sister's life, and that's nothing like any of the other things they've watched together.

It's not an unfamiliar feeling, recognizing himself in media. He does it in books and in songs, in the things he interacts with on his own. He likes it, even when it hurts, the familiarity, the assurance that he's not alone.

But, left to his own devices, he might not have experienced it with Clarke. He's not one of those people who thinks that guys crying is bad, or damaging to their masculinity, but there is something awkward about crying in front of another person, even quietly. They feel obligated to react in some way, and he wouldn't have put that burden on her. It's awkward, and he's never thought of her as someone who feels very at home with comforting people.

Then, she reaches over and takes his hand, making his heartbeat spike. Her palm is soft on top of his, her grip gentle, as if she just wants to remind him she's here. He swallows hard, unable to take his eyes off the TV, and lets his hand turn over so he can squeeze her back. Part of him wants to say something, to explain himself, but Clarke probably understands.

For the first time, he feels sure: she's on his side. She's going to stay on his side.

He doesn't have anything good to say about the movie, nothing that feels right. He liked it, but the words feel inaccurate and inadequate all at once. It was like watching another version of himself, a life he might have had, the life he beat. He and Octavia survived. He kept them alive.

So he clears his throat to get the tears out of his voice and asks, "Do you have easy access to that cop show?"

"Cop show?"

"The one with the hot angry latina." She watches it a lot in the background, and he always likes what he hears. One time a guy actually said the word transphobic. He didn't think that happened on TV shows.

Her smile isn't patronizing at all; if anything, she looks glad there's something she can do. "Yeah, it's on Hulu."

"Could we watch an episode of that? Just--"

She squeezes his hand when his voice gives out. "Sounds good."

Then she lets go, which kind of sucks. He's excited for the show, but he'd be more excited without the cushion of space between them, if she were curled up into his side. It would make him feel so much better.

When she's done, she puts the remote aside and lets her hand fall back on the cushion between them. It could be a coincidence; it could mean nothing. But if she can have a campaign to get him familiar with pop culture, he can have his own, private counter-campaign, one where he tries to figure out how to, someday, date her.

So he reaches back, takes her hand, and sees her smile a little.

Maybe it won't even be that hard.

Of course, the thing about his plan is that it involves a lot of risk. If making a move on Clarke goes wrong, his whole life is kind of ruined. He has other friends, of course, other people he cares about, but--he adores Clarke, like he's never adored anyone else. If it works out, it's going to be amazing. If it doesn't, he'll still have to live with her, and with the knowledge that she doesn't want him.

"Or you could, you know, get a girlfriend," Miller says. "I hear that's good, if you're into it. And she's cool and likes all your weird shit. It's been long enough she's probably not even just into you for your body."

"I'm not worried about that. I'm worried she's not into me at all."

"Dude. You've had other roommates, right? You get that this isn't normal."

"It's not about roommates. It's about her. She could be like this with all her roommates. She finds out something is weird and has to fix it. That's how she is."

"She can do that and still be into you," Miller says. "Which, again, I'm pretty sure she is. Her signals are not subtle. She looks at your mouth a lot."

"Why do you know that?"

"Monty and I have a drinking game. Once you're dating someone, the stress about them not liking you goes away and you have to make your own fun."

He rubs his face. "I'm going to tell her. I can do that thing where I yawn and put my arm around her, right? That's what people do during movies."

"How do you know that but not what The Terminator is?"

"I assume it's a guy who terminates things," he says. "Is it going to help me hit on Clarke? If it doesn't, I don't care."

"It probably could. You need all the help you can get."

He leans back, closing his eyes. "I'm going to figure it out any day. Just wait."

"I'm not holding my breath," says Miller, and Bellamy inclines his head without straightening it up.

"Yeah, I wouldn't suggest it."

When he's still working on figuring out how to subtly shift into Clarke and put his arm around her during a movie, they hit the Star Wars issue.

It's weird to think of Star Wars as an issue, but lots of people love Star Wars, and he knows Clarke is one of them. She doesn't make a huge deal of it or anything, but she has a Darth Vader mug that her dad gave her before he died, and she actually owns the DVDs, which is pretty rare for her. She usually just streams things.

It seemed pretty unlikely that he'd be able to avoid it coming up ever, but he hoped he'd be able to avoid it coming up until he was sure she liked him. When he didn't think it could ruin things.

It's so stupid. He knows it is.

He's at the stove, working on dinner, when it finally comes up, and he doesn't even notice. He did know May the force be with you was a thing, but his primary association with the word force isn't the Star Wars franchise, so he runs through a list of things it could be and finally guesses, "Is that a band?"

He'll maintain it's a good guess. They don't usually buy movie tickets that much in advance. And she seems to expect him to know what it is, which isn't usually how she acts about movies. Plus, he knew there was a new Star Wars coming at some point, but he thought it wasn't for a while, and he didn't know the name.

But then Clarke says, slow, "It's the new Star Wars," and he tries and fails not to wince.

"Huh," he says, careful.

There's a pause, and then he feels her by his side, so close he could hook his arm around her waist if he wanted to. Which, he does, but--not right now.

"You know I don't care, right?" she asks, because she does know him. "You haven't seen movies, big deal. It's kind of nice. I get to show you all my favorite stuff and you've never seen it before. I get to see you seeing it for the first time."

He's heard that before, but he does believe it from Clarke. She seems equally delighted when he enjoys things and when he complains, but--he wants to love the things she loves. He wants to have these things in common.

"Octavia told you," he says, mostly to see what she'll say. Of course she talked to Octavia about it, but--he doesn't know exactly what Clarke thought was important. Or what Octavia assumes about why he's so stubborn about these things.

"Just that you guys didn't have a TV when you were kids," she says, with an easy shrug. "And that she gets annoyed with people asking her why she hasn't seen stuff."

He nods, looks at her sidelong. "I know all the spoilers."

"For what?"

"Star Wars. Darth Vader is Luke's father. Luke and Leia are siblings. The prequels are shit. Jar Jar Binks is the worst." He scrambles for any other knowledge of the franchise and comes up wit, "Uh, Yoda," which at least makes her laugh.

"You think Yoda is a spoiler?"

"He's not? I feel like once I saw him, there wasn't much point in anything else."

"Yeah, we all feel that way about Yoda." She nods, as if this was a discussion, and now they're on the same page. "So, this weekend, right? You and me, Star Wars marathon. You were a space kid. I bet you haven't seen Star Trek either," she adds, perking up again. She sounds gleeful, and all he really wants is to make her happy.

He wants this to be as fun as she thinks it will be.

"I thought you weren't allowed to like both," he says, wary.

"I'm a rebel." She taps her jaw. "I think you'd like DS9, that's the one that's got, like--it's the one that's good if you don't have the benefit of nostalgia."

"You're making this sound great."

"I try to be realistic," she says, and he knows that's true too. She's been working so hard at this. She's been so careful.

And now she wants to jump in the deep end with Star Wars.

"I might not like it."

"We don't have to watch DS9."

"I meant Star Wars," he says. "Is that going to be a problem? You going to have to move out?"

Her smile is a little patronizing, and he has to admit he deserves it. "I'll live. But I think you're going to like it."

"I had this girlfriend in high school," he lets himself admit. It's one of those stories that he feels hurt him more than it should have, that he doesn't like caring about. But she was the first girl he'd ever really dated, instead of fooling around, and he'd liked her. He'd thought they had something good. Now, he knows that it wouldn't have lasted anyway, but--it was easy for him to get attached back then. He was so greedy for affection. "She found out I liked the Harry Potter books, but I'd never seen the movie, and she was--like you, I guess." It's not true, not really; he doesn't think Clarke will be anything like Roma was. But he needs to hear her say she's not. "She was really excited she got to show them to me. And I fucking hated the first movie," he admits, with a wry smile. "I always kind of saw Harry as, uh--I thought he'd look more like me, and no one else looked like I pictured them either and it just--I thought it was shitty, I didn't want to watch the rest, she got pissed, and we broke up. Over a stupid Harry Potter movie. And it's not like I really cared," he adds, which isn't exactly true either. He wants to not care, but everyone else always makes him feel like he has to. Just because Clarke does it in a nice way doesn't mean he can stop fretting. Fretting is what he does. "But I did get sick of it. I haven't seen some stuff. Who cares?"

She leans her forehead against his shoulder blade, warm and affectionate. "I kind of like it when you hate stuff," she tells him. "It's fun."

"Yeah, I've noticed. But--you like Star Wars."

"Yup," she says, without a trace of worry.

"I want to like it."

"Maybe you will." There's a pause, and then she adds, deliberate, "I'm not going to break up with you if you don't like Star Wars, Bellamy."

"We're not dating," he says, voice a little dry. It doesn't even feel true, right now. It feels as if he could kiss her, and she'd slide into his arms and not leave. "So that would be tough. Do we have to watch the prequels?"

"I'm going to do some research," she declares, because of course she is, and he loves her.

"Research?" he asks, and lets himself hope it's going to be okay as she walks him through her plan.

Star Wars is really long, after all. He can definitely stretch and wrap his arm around her at some point.

He blames his actual excitement about the whole thing for his slip-up with Octavia. They're on their weekly check-in call, and when she asks him if he's doing anything special over the weekend, he tells her, "Watching Star Wars with Clarke," without thinking about it.

During the long pause, he remembers that his sister has tried, on multiple occasions, to convince him to watch Star Wars, for his own edification. Half of his refusal to see those movies, specifically, was just to piss her off.

If anyone had asked him, he would have said he assumed Octavia knew he was in love with Clarke. He sort of assumes everyone knows. It's a both minor miracle and annoyance that Clarke seems to have missed it. So it doesn't really feel like this should be a surprise for her. She should be able to figure it out.

"All of them?" is what she finally asks.

"You didn't think I had a social life, did you?" He shrugs, even though she can't see it. "Might as well get it over with. She wants to go to the new one, so--"

"So that is a thing."

"I don't know what you were expecting, you had your hot friend move in with me. Obviously I have a thing for her. I thought you knew."

"You're such a mess, Bell," she says. "If you like Star Wars, I'm never going to let you live it down."

"Cool," he says. "I'll deserve it."

Despite his best efforts to sleep in, he wakes up stupidly early on Saturday. At least the problem isn't really nerves about not liking Star Wars; he's basically fine with however that turns out. But the event feels significant, and he's got his mind half set on today being it. He's going to make a move on Clarke, somehow.

But she's not even awake yet, so if his brain would just shut the fuck up about it, that would be great. He gathers some of his thesis stuff to work on to distract himself, getting set up on the couch fairly happily. He's going for cool and casual, but of course as soon as Clarke comes out, she calls him out on it, which is fine. He wasn't really planning to keep the books once she was awake, he just needed something to do with his hands.

He gets the stuff put away and is settled back in by the time she's ready with coffee and cereal, and he can see her thinking for a second before she sits directly next to him, close enough that he can feel the heat coming off her side.

So they're on the same page. That's good.

"Okay, so," he says, shifting so he can get more comfortable, putting his arm behind her on the couch, but not really around her shoulders. "What's the plan? Did you figure out the optimal order to watch these in?"

"Machete order, basically," she says, like this will mean something to him. His expression must give him away, because she counts off on her fingers. "Episode four, episode five, episode two, episode three, episode six. And instead of watching The Phantom Menace, we just listen to the Weird Al "American Pie" parody song, which is way better."

"Cool. Which one is your favorite?"

She flashes him a grin. "Why, do you want to be nice to it?"

"Kind of, yeah."

Apparently it's the right answer, because she actually starts snuggling with him, which is the best kind of alarming. She's warm and smells like day-old shampoo, and it's the kind of perfect, comfortable morning he'd like to have every weekend.

"Return of the Jedi," she says. "I think the Ewoks are cute. Apparently this is a really unpopular opinion on the internet." She flashes him another bright smile. "I got in some fights while I was looking into this, so you better appreciate it."

"My hero," he says, getting his arm around her shoulders. "Are people against cute things?"

Clarke trades her cereal for the remote. "Not exactly. Just, you know. Star Wars is at its best when it's all serious and about a lack of hope for the future or something. Which is bullshit, especially given the first movie is called A New Hope. That's setting an optimistic tone."

"The first movie or the fourth movie?"

"Fourth movie."

"That's definitely needlessly confusing, for the record."

"Yeah, I think it was supposed to be kind of exciting? The ultimate in media res. But it gets weird to talk about."

He lets himself rest his cheek on her hair. "What's the one coming out soon that we have to see? What episode, I mean. Negative five?"

"Seven," she says, fond. "Okay, first disclaimer."

"Jesus, already?"

She ignores him. "These are the new versions, so I'm going to yell at the screen about how George Lucas is a hack any time one of the new scenes is on."

"Perfect. This is a lot of text. Do I need to be reading it?"

"No, you're fine. Evil empire, no hope, the usual."

"Is Yoda the new hope?"

She laughs. "No, Yoda is his sled." There's a pause. "You get that reference from just being alive, right?"

"Citizen Kane?" he hazards.

"Yeah. Which I've never actually seen. We should watch it. Grow as people."

"That sounds awful. The ships are pretty cool," he adds, hesitant. Effects don't always work for him, but he can imagine how cool the opening would look on a big screen, how all-consuming.

"That's a Star Destroyer," she says. "Evil empire ship."

"Evil empires get all the cool ships." He slides his arm further down, around her waist, and she finishes up the last few bites of cereal and puts the bowl down so she can curl against his chest.

He could definitely get used to this. And he even thinks he'll have the chance to.

He misses Yoda's first appearance, but it's definitely not his fault. He's trying to figure out when he should be tugging Clarke into his lap to kiss her, and it's hard to plan that when he's never seen the movie. And he is enjoying the movie. It's just that the girl he's in love with is tangled in his arms and they're holding hands and he's not sure there's a movie in the world that could distract him from that. Especially given what a great angle he has to look down her tank top right now.

"I was expecting more of a reaction," she says.

He starts, guilty. "What?"

"Yoda. I know he's your top priority."

He squints at the screen. Luke is on some kind of weird gray swamp planet, and everything seems bad.

Then he sees the weird green thing.

"Holy shit, is that him?"

Clarke is laughing. "I thought you knew what he looked like!"

"I thought he'd be bigger. And brighter green. And--wow. That's a lot."

She squeezes his fingers. "Everything you dreamed?"

"Honestly, yeah. What's he made out of? Is there an actor in there?"

"I think he's a puppet."

"Wow. That's awesome."

"I'm glad he lives up to expectations. He and Luke are going to do a training montage."

"He's a teacher?"

"Jedi master."

"Huh."

"See, you didn't get spoiled for everything."

"Not everything," he agrees, turning his focus to their linked hands. "I didn't see this one coming."

"Fun fact, Weird Al actually wrote that song before the movie came out based on Internet spoilers," Clarke tells him, once they're finished with the musical recap of the first episode. If it's really accurate, he doesn't feel like he's missing that much. He has yet to develop any emotional attachment to Anakin Skywalker.

"And I'll never know how accurate it is."

"You can watch the first one. I won't stop you."

"What's the point if you're not watching it with me?" he asks without thinking, and he's rewarded with a smile and slight flush.

"Suffering is better together," she agrees. "Okay. Episode two?"

"Sure," he says.

He'd like to say he gives the movie a fair try, but he honestly just doesn't. Clarke doesn't like it, and it's not like he's doing this just to impress her, but if she's not engaged, he isn't going to be either.

Besides, she just keeps getting closer to him, and even if he didn't basically want to marry her, he'd be dealing with some noticeable physical reactions.

"Do I need to care about this?" he asks. Pre-Vader and his girlfriend are flirting. Maybe. It's probably supposed to be flirting, but Han and Leia were a lot more convincing.

"Yes, this is--" She makes a face. "Honestly, I can't even think of a fake reason to care. I honestly have no idea what happens in this--"

He catches her jaw and tugs her mouth to his, swallowing the end of her sentence. She laughs into the kiss, this bright, pleased sound, and repositions so she can reciprocate without hurting her neck. He mouth is soft and warm and perfect, and she's pressing in close, like she wouldn't have been able to wait much longer either.

"This is because I'm bored and you're all over me," he tells her, trying not to grin too hard. "Not because the movie is romantic. I just want that to be clear."

"Because you're bored?" she asks, amused, and he nips her neck.

"We need to be dating by the time we're watching Return of the Jedi so you can dump me when I don't like it," he teases. "So I was working on a pretty short timetable."

Clarke looks like she's going to say something, but she leans in first, and he can't help kissing her again, and it turns into making out basically instantly, warm and perfect, making his whole chest light up. She's so warm and eager on top of him, so perfect.

"That's probably not going to happen," she murmurs, and there's a split second of total panic before she laughs softly and noses his jaw. "I meant dumping you, not dating you. I don't think there's anything you can say about Return of the Jedi to make me stop liking you."

He wasn't actually worried, not with any conscious part of his brain, because he knows her, and he knows she wouldn't be doing this if she wasn't serious. So it's easy to laugh and let his hands find the hem of her shirt, pulling it off when she obligingly raises her arms. "Sounds like a challenge." he says, giving her another kiss. "What if I hate the Ewoks?"

"I'll live."

"What if I think the entire franchise is a waste?"

"You like Princess Leia, so I know you don't."

"What if I--"

"What if instead of talking about Star Wars, we had sex?" she suggests, grinding down on him with a wicked smirk. "Don't get me wrong, it's fun and all, but--come on, Bellamy. It's just a movie."

He laughs, sliding his hands up her back to unhook her bra. "Yeah," he agrees. "Just a movie."

#Anonymous

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