#I've only ever been sick like maybe 3 or 4 times during that nearly 5 year period

[swampndn]

I got a pretty gnarly fever right now. The last time I sat up, I got so lightheaded that I had to lean on my bed for support. Such is life, right?

Well, on the rare occasion I am sick is when I really feel the living alone // no partner reality. Like I'd love to not have to struggle to fill a water jug. However, I was laying here, hoping some medicine will work that will let me sleep another 2-3 hours, and I remembered how my abusive ex would never take care of me when I was sick either. Anytime I was sick, he was feeling worse or his depression was way worse than what I was feeling, so he forced me to take care of him, and my sickness was an inconvenience.

Instead of then going through my entire life and trying to find moments where someone (caregiver, partner, anyone, shit) let me be baby without somehow being mad or inconvenienced, my thought was, "Fuck that. I ain't doing that anymore."

So I think the kids call this *growth*

[polite-pandemonium]

[LISTEN] -  always an angel, never a god - a Shoko Ieiri playlist that very much is meant to represent her post chapter 236. Sad tunes by female musicians. Also - female rage. Gege doesn't seem to want to show us her feelings, so I will do it through song! All songs are Shoko centric, but some definitely could be directed towards either Satoru or Suguru or both!!!!! I tried to have this sort of follow a narrative that takes place pre, during, and post the Shinjuku Showdown arc, while making sure the music still flowed. IDK, I took this very seriously lol. Tracklist: 1. I don't like my mind - mitski 2. in hell - japanese breakfast 3. final girl - chvrches 4. days of oblivion - metric 5. not strong enough - boy genius 6. doomsday - lizzie mcapline 7. both all the time - faye webster 8. you always get what you want - the japanese house 9. when was that? - angus and julia stone 10. only the strong - laura marling 11. girls against god - florence + the machine specific lyrics for each song under the cut!

I don't like my mind | mitski I blast music loud and I work myself to the bone and on an inconvenient Christmas, I eat a cake a whole cake all for me and then I get sick and throw up and there's another memory that gets stuck inside the walls of my skull waiting for its turn to talk and it may be a few years but you can bet it's there waiting still for me to be left alone in a room with the things that I've done a whole cake so please don't take take this job from me

in hell | japanese breakfast with my luck, you'll be dead within the year I've come to expect it there's nothing left to fear, at least there's that and under the fluorescence, another sterile room where no one ever tells you just how clinical death looks and I can't unsee it the two shots it took hell is finding someone to love and I can't have you hell is finding someone to love and I can't see you again

final girl | chvrches swallowing the seeds of sin we sewed into the ground keeping secrets until everything became a bit too loud I would wash it down, I could drown it out by filling up the silence with an organ sound and by writing sentences I used to think were quite profound and it feels like the weight is too much to carry I should quit maybe go get married only time will tell in the final cut in the final scene there's a final girl does she look like me?

days of oblivion | metric all the times that now and then appear as only dreams all the stuff from way back when that's coming up don't self destruct you don't have to call for the wrecking ball or burn the world to ashes all you have to do is ask me to I'll stop you where the descending stairs drop I've unlocked all the doors and I've lost all the keys and I live in a mansion made up from memories I know I need you don't ever leave me I'll never leave you behind I know you need me the way I need you I'll never leave you don't ever leave me behind not strong enough | boy genius do you see us getting scraped up off the pavement? I don't know why I am the way I am not strong enough to be your man I lied - I am just lowering your expectations half a mind that keeps the other second guessing close my eyes and count always an angel, never a god I don't know why I am the way I am there's something in the static I think I've been having revelations coming to in the front seat, nearly empty skip the exit to our old street and go home go home alone doomsday | lizzie mcalpine doomsday is close at hand I'll book the marching band to play as you speak I'll feel like throwing up you'll sit and stare like a goddamn machine I'd like to plan out my part in this but you're such a narcissist that you did it on Halloween I had no choice in the matter why would I? it's only the death of me both all the time | faye webster will I stop crying for once? it's hurting my eyes there's a difference between lonely and lonesome but I'm both all the time I'm loneliest at night after my shower beer and I'll go to sleep without turning out the lights pretend like somebody's here you always get what you want | the japanese house and you've left now but it's better that I know you're gone and I breathe out dizzy from the last hour of holding on and does he do right by you? and does he work so hard? I know you'll miss me, but you'll call me back you always get what you want when was that? | angus and julia stone I wonder if you can hear me wonder if you can feel my heart beating now I wonder if things will be okay wonder if things will keep changing will I fall down? take me back to when things were easier take me back to a place where I belong take me back to a place that feels like home when was that? only the strong | laura marling we've been here a thousand times wish I could go back and find letters I wrote you in my mind perhaps I could unknot us from this awful bind hope that you can change my mind had to leave this crying all behind I hope that you don't think that I'm unkind just somebody told me only and only only the strong can survive

girls against god | florence + the machine if they ever let me out, I'm really gonna let it out I listen to music from 2006 and feel kind of sick but, oh god, you're gonna get it you'll be sorry that you messed with this oh, tell me it's not over yet and in my darkest fantasies, I'm the picture of passivity waiting for you side of stage suppressing all my private rage oh, it's good to be alive crying into cereal at midnight and if they let me out, I'm really gonna let it out when I decided to wage holy war it very much looked like staring at my bedroom floor but, oh god, you're gonna get it you'll be sorry that you messed with me

[thestarfishghost]

800 before the end of December is looking nearly impossible smh but eyyy! 777~

NGL, I'm movie and ova grinding so hard. I usually manage to watch 100 new things a year, but this year I instead rewatched nearly 40 things. It's been a big year for nostalgia for me, but also for getting a few people into different things with me! Vampy has personally watched so much stuff with me this year? Oh my God??? It's been a blast! I have never felt more human than when Vampy and Kimchi enjoyed Dragon Maid along side me, I swear. I also got Vampy into Enstars by starting the anime together and I am delighted >:3 Made this in celebration actually >:3 @shut-in-magical-girl

That said, I have actually watched some actual shows too, such as the first season of Oreimo and the first two seasons of Kami Nomi! Those were actually really fun. The first season of Oreimo has some of the most impassioned speeches I've ever heard about the more ""controversial"" sides of anime. I did admittedly have a love-hate relationship with Kirino at first, but honestly, it was just because of the more wildly exaggerated tsundere tropes. They became easier to laugh off after awhile. I really relate to the way she loves the hobby, and I think it really helped me warm up to her more quickly. How she enjoys collecting and getting excited over it... I relate to that in those same ways lol specifically to her Meruru shrine lol (ik no one asked, but aside from Krino, my best girl is actually Saori. I look forward to seeing more of her every time an episode comes on! :3) Also, Idk why I skipped Kami Nomi for so many years, but I legit just left it on my P2W list for a decade lol. I've only had one other person ever recommend it to me as well;; and that was like 4-5 years ago now lol;; I slowed down with playing eroge and bishoujo games around,,, 2015/2016(?), but I used to play them religiously. Keima should probably not be someone I relate to... but here I am. Relating to him. While nowadays my main passion lies in the animation side of things, I still really find relatability and comfort within this specific Reference Humor genre of anime, so I've really enjoyed this series so far. I finished up Irregular Witch too :( First show from the current airing block that I've actually completed. Bittersweet, but I had fun with that one too. I'm going to especially miss seeing Phoenix every week. I find that I usually watch whatever comedies are airing when I do tune into the blocks as they air, and this one was a really nice companion piece for the heavier stuff I've been keeping up with. I watched a few other full series, but this next one is the last I'm mentioning for now. I might make more posts another time; we'll see. Two of my favorites that I got around to during my sick week are these two next mentions; first up is Wotakoi. I am devastated that there isn't more Wotakoi. Help. They covered pretty much all of the manga according to other fans, so it's unlikely more will come out of it. It always hurts a bit when something is fully finished, though. especially when I enjoyed it so much. I might read it just for the sake of wanting more of it. It was really straight forward and was honestly a breath of fresh air. There weren't any real love rivals or anything; just nerds figuring themselves out and their dynamics out. I literally just watched six weirdos make friends and fall in love with fairly no complications involved. I'm thriving. (Or maybe I'm just a lonely, nerdy adult who is tired of drama in my life. Maybe that's the only takeaway here lmao /lh) And then,,,, finally,,, Magical Witch Punie-Chan. I have... No words. It was amazing. I loved it. I haven't laughed that hard in awhile. 4 episode OVA with an additional 4 episode Omake after. Wonderful if you like darker gag-humor series and want a short little trip. This one was weird but delightful, truly. P.S. I kept "Lyrical Tolkarev~ Kill Them All!~" as my discord status for like 3 days lol That theme song is going to live in my head rent free for the rest of my days. As for what I'm most excited for in 2024, there's probably, like, A LOT. But off of the top of my head, I can name the next Given project (PLEASEEEEEEEEECOMEOUTALREADYYESSSSGIVEITTOMEEEE JANUARY27THCANNOT COME FAST ENOUGHHH) and the second season of Bokuyaba (one of the only manga I have bothered with in 15 years, going to be so real right now;; I cherish this story). When these things come out, I know for a fact that my blog is going to briefly implode. Apologies about it ahead of time lol!;; I'll probably be saying more as the currently airing series all come to an end over the coming weeks. There's quite a few I don't want to end TT~TT so talking about them might be nice!

[reneesbooks]

hellooooo just checking in since I saw you post (no pressure to answer this tho!!) How have you been? :D

the way my ass forgot to answer this for like four days.....smh at myself

hello love <3 i have been bad. overall. but getting better! took a 3 month break from tumblr due to work and the overwhelming flood of antisemitism that was suddenly on here. my personal life took a dive for similar reasons. one of my kitties passed very suddenly; we didn't even know she was that sick until we took her to the vet and he told us she was too far gone. my synagogue had a bomb threat so I stopped going. my union nearly put out an antisemitic statement regarding the war and only didn't bc me and the 5 other jews that work for the district begged them not to bc it would directly endanger us, especially those of us with students who are politically active (hi secondary ed!!) considering the district does absolutely nothing to keep violent kids out of our classes. that was officially the worst zoom call I've ever been in. I got covid during the middle of a work trip and had to go home early so I lost 2 days of bonus pay AND had covid. i think i was at work maybe 10 days of october and 1 of those days i had to go home early bc i had a nervous breakdown during my lunch.

however!! november and december have been a slow uphill. got some mental health treatment while i was quarantined, wrote a TON and have what can almost be called a complete draft of lacuna, worked my ass off at work to make up for all the substitute fuck-ups and finish the trimester. got through my first real evaluation and only got docked points for having chairs on top of tables (not that i'm like. mad about it.) the trimester ended on a high note and i'm teaching sewing right now which is basically 50% social-emotional learning (meditation and hippie shit for those of you that aren't in education) so that the 13-year-olds don't rage quit so it's the most relaxing fucking thing. the bomb threats at my synagogue stopped in time for me to go to the hanukkah services and i celebrated 4 days of nonstop christmas with that side of my family. we're on winter break until the end of this week and I am actually looking forward to the start of this year (manifesting SO hard).

so. tldr, rollercoaster, baby.

hope you have been doing well! <3 i know i have SO many tags to catch up on lol