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grayintogreen · 3 years

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I was not technically tagged, but at least two people on my dash were like DO WHAT YOU WANT NO ONE IS YOUR GOD, and you know what? They’re right and valid.

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

96! And 90% of them are from just this year. Can’t wait to find out what the big 100 is gonna be. Any one of my WIPS could be Disney’s next 100th fic.

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

455,024 (also mostly from this year...)

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

In my entire life??? Since I was twelve??? I don’t even know, man. I wrote a lot of ooc crackfic and fic for cartoons when I was on FF.net, and then I was on LJ and wrote for a TON of different fandoms, but on AO3, I have written for Critical Role (so much CR), Yashahime/Inuyasha, Guardians of the Galaxy, His Dark Materials (TV), Steven Universe, Bleach, Alias, Supernatural, Dollhouse, Pushing Daisies (the last four were all transferred here from LJ, though)

4) What are your top five fics by kudos?

- turning wine back into water (Critical Role, de-aging fic with plot, 30457 words)

I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE HOW POPULAR THIS FIC IS. It beat out two of my super popular GotG fics that have been up since 2017 BY A LOT. Apparently, there was a market for the Mighty Nein being adorable cocktail brats and saving the world. Thanks, Liam’s Quest!

It is probably one of the most wholesome fics I will ever write too. I love it.

- Sunshine Came Softly (Guardians of the Galaxy, Rocket and Mantis friendship, 3188 words)

THIS FIC STILL GETS HITS EVEN TODAY. It was written right after I saw the movie so it hit hard and fast on the hype train.

- Mine Is Just a Slower Sacrifice (Guardians of the Galaxy, Rocket-centric, 2248 words)

BOY YOU CAN TELL THESE FICS ARE ANCIENT BECAUSE I HADN’T DEVELOPED MY TITLE NICHE YET. where are the lower caps and Seanan McGuire lyrics!!

Anyway, this was written probably IMMEDIATELY after I saw the movie and had to process Rocket’s emotions during the last moments, because of who I am as a person. For what’s mostly a character study, it got some mileage on it.

- they drink dreamers up like brandy (Critical Role, 1625 words)

Back to Critical Role! I wrote this one when I was in a fucking blind post-finale haze and producing massive amounts of Kingsley content and I wanted to write a silly fic about Caleb being tiefling catnip.

- if adversity breeds character (we’ve character enough for two) (Critical Role, Beau and Molly-centric, 1824 words)

I feel like most of my most kudos-ed CR fics are Beau-related, which is funny because I never really wrote her EVER. I guess I need to write her more often. ANYWAY, this one got jossed immediately after 141, but I needed to write Beau and Molly bantering and I couldn’t get her flipping him off after revealing her card is Rumor out of my head.

(Incidentally my sixth most kudos-ed fic is my Fjorester next gen fic, WHICH I WAS NOT EXPECTING AT ALL. IT’S A FIC BASED ON MY OC FANCHILDREN!! I’M VERY EMOTIONAL ABOUT THAT!!)

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Usually!! There are times when I forget and then it’s been so long that I never go back, but I like responding to comments. They make me so happy and I want to make sure the people who take the time to comment know that I see them and appreciate them. Especially if they give me long comments. You long commenters know who you are and I value you and also flail incoherently in your direction.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

God, probably this church takes no conversions simply because, like, the whole ending scenes are MISERABLE AND FULL OF ANGST and then it has the hopeful ending that is actually a bullshit lie.

But second place probably goes to what couldn’t i offer, what couldn’t i give, which is just misery porn in disguise as a character study. Sorry, Cree.

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Okay, so back in the day when I was a tineh fanbrat I wrote a lot of self-indulgent crossovers featuring my friends and I in true Mary Sue format being ~saviors of the world~ alongside our favorite fictional characters and after I grew out of that, I very rarely did it again, because as someone who can only write AUs if they’re high concept and can only write crossovers if the canon welding is pristine, it’s difficult.

I have ideas for some! I just haven’t written them yet. Or they’re sitting in Google Docs partially written.

8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not to my recollection, which is insane, because I’ve written some things in my youth that deserved it, but also I was a kid, so maybe I definitely did not deserve it. Don’t send hate to kids!!

9) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

The first smut I ever posted on AO3 involved some fucking American Gods flesh horror shit, so that answers your second question.

Basically, yes, but I write smut to facilitate character development in a way that regular story beats can’t, mainly with characters who are in some way deeply fucked up and have unbalanced dynamics.

So basically chances of me writing smut that isn’t Creecien or Lucigast? Very low. (I haven’t written Lucigast smut yet but I will. Inevitably.)

10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that anyone’s told me, but one time when I was a teenager someone ripped off an entire group messageboard RP I was in and tried to pass it off as a fic they wrote.

11) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that anyone’s told me!

12) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I tried and it did not work out, because of (non-wanky) reasons, but it’s just not something I’d be very good at. I was the kid who wanted to work alone on group projects. I’m bad at group work.

13) What’s your all time favourite ship?

That I’ve WRITTEN??? Because that at least narrows it down significantly. Sesshoumaru/Rin hands down. It’s a good dynamic and they’re fun and sad at the same time.

My self-indulgent ass does also enjoy writing Creecien though. I’m putting it out there because I want it.

14) What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

GOD POOR SUPERNOVAS OF ALL SOUND AND LIGHT. THAT FIC COULD’VE BEEN A CONTENDER, but I unfortunately posted it RIGHT BEFORE the White Diamond episodes aired and it became so jossed by canon so fast that I gave up on life with chapter two half finished. I need to delete it but I can’t bring myself to bury my shame.

15) What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue and meta-narrative and character-specific stuff. I go into every story with CHARACTER FIRST mentality, which is how I end up writing so many damn character studies or why my word counts explode. I’m just out here naval gazing because I love character stuff SO MUCH.

I’ve been told I’m good at fight/action scenes too, which... Shocks me, but I think watching and playing a lot of D&D stuff has really improved how I write fighting and action sequences.

16) What are your writing weaknesses?

[whispers] too much naval gaze. dial it back, bitch.

I get really caught up in character stuff and forget to do important things like ADVANCE THE SCENE OR DESCRIBE THE SCENE OR LITERALLY ANYTHING. I also don’t think my prose is all that great, but I’m pretty sure every writer feels that imposter syndrome bullshit, so /waves hands. All I’m saying is I have seen some writers on AO3 who are writing some fucking vivid imagery and stringing flawless sentences together and weaving introspection and description together like beautiful baskets and they are stronger than any US Marine and I salute them and wish to be them.

17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Iiii try not to. There’s times where I want to throw in, like, a little Zemnian for Caleb flair, but I try to stick to things that are either untranslatable (like German compound words), common phrases (like please or come here), or insults/curses/ pet names. Things that I don’t think Google will fucking lie to me about.

18) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I think it was a Sailor Moon crackfic about Haruka being forced to enter a beauty pageant which was just a blatant rip-off of Ms Congeniality and oh my god was it awful. I don’t even wanna talk about it.

19) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

this church takes no conversions, probably BECAUSE it’s my little red-headed stepchild of a fic involving so many things that are just never going to make it popular (backstory fic, fic that is almost 85% headcanon, doesn’t involve popular characters, etc.), but godDAMMIT I love that fic so much. It was fun and I use every bit of that headcanon in almost everything like it’s my job.

shattered stage is a close second, because it was such a crazy concept for a fic that I PULLED OFF SOMEHOW and is this wonderful mix of crazy plot and character and lore and my three favorite tieflings having to work together. And also Jayne Merriweather as the main villain.

A lot of love went into both of those fics and they are my babies. this time next year we’ll see if I add Creedemption and shoot at fate to this list- probably. All of my epic long fics resolve to be my babies because I spent so much time on them, and I have to love them and cherish them because I raised them into gigantic wordy attempts to write a doorstopper.

#writing meme #my writing #shattered stage #this church takes no conversions

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mythicamagic · 5 years

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Swimming in Silk: Chapter 23

Training in front of her, engaging her in conversation and now lending her his clothes…Kagome is starting to suspect that Sesshoumaru is trying to gain her attention.

Sesskag - Romance, Humour, Drama, Angst

Rated M - As always you can read this story on Ao3, fanfiction.net or Dokuga

Chapter One - here Previous Chapter - here Next Chapter - here

Kofi

AN: Dedicating this chapter to @all-my-cuffs-have-buttons, for their ko-fi donation and for being so lovely on tumblr. Thanks bud!

This is going through the events in Swimming in Silk and seeing them through Sesshoumaru's POV. These two chapters aren't totally necessary for the plot and you can skip them if you want, but I got requests for them and apparently some of you like to suffer. So enjoy~

Counting in Centuries pt.1

For about a month, things lapsed back into normalcy.

Sesshoumaru traversed the lands with his group, searching for any trace of the vile scourge that was Naraku. He didn't sense the miko or Inuyasha anywhere in the vicinity. Though left unmarked, his body did feel a strange...tugging sensation in his chest, prompting him to always be on the lookout, as though searching.

Since he could usually compartmentalise his feelings, he tucked these useless wants away where they belonged; Deep into the hollow of memory, to be hardly ever reflected upon. Father's image resided in that space too.

Really, he pat himself on the back for his handling of the situation. There he was, mated, and no one even suspected or sensed it. Just him, and he was handling everything just fine if you asked him-

Sesshoumaru stopped dead.

Distress, fear and helplessness. These emotions assaulted his senses like a battering ram, leaving him reeling. Pale lips parted and he took a steadying breath, lifting a hooded gaze to the tops of the trees.

"M-mi Lord?" Jaken padded closer, clutching Ah-Un's reins and blinking up at him owlishly.

"Jaken. Remain here with Rin," he uttered quietly. Not waiting for a reply, he launched forward, expelling youki to make him flow through the forest at inhuman speeds.

He followed the sensations until they mingled with the sharp scent of poisons. Finally, a hut in the middle of nowhere came into sight.

Frightened choking noises caught his ear. Various other jibberish was also being spouted out, but they came from a diminutive, stout man, so they did not command his attention.

What did, however, was the man's fingers wrapped around Kagome's throat. She knelt on the floor, eyes squeezed shut.

Sesshoumaru barely registered his claws impaling the stranger through the back, poison illuminating long fingers in a sickly green glow. He then jerked his arm, yanking the body to the floor, heedless of the man's cries.

The miko collected herself slowly, dazedly looking up at his towering figure. Blue eyes widened, drinking in his image with shock, staring.

He stared back.

And then Sesshoumaru knew things were not normal. And they probably never would be for him again.

His attention drifted further behind her, noting the collapsed Slayer and Monk. Since they all seemed incapable of moving, he figured they'd been paralysed. When the silence stretched on uninterrupted, it became apparent he had, in fact, come to their rescue. Kagome was looking at him like she wanted to say something, perhaps ask why.

He quickly scrambled for an excuse. "Where is Inuyasha?" He blurted.

Of course, she could not answer. Foolish. He inwardly took back his earlier pat on the back.

Killing the man who scented strongly of death without much trouble, Sesshoumaru sheathed Tenseiga, having stripped the man's flesh from his bones with a single strike.

"Kagome!"

Ah, fantastic. The half breed had chosen that point to show up, running over. He panted, lingering in the hut's entrance and gaping at the group's weakened state. He then rounded on Sesshoumaru, snarling. "What did you do to them?!"

The Daiyoukai's hand twitched, long fingers curling into the side of his thigh slightly. Sesshoumaru looked at him steadily, an icy snap lacing the frost-bitten words on the tip of his tongue. Where were you? This is your failure, not mine. The desire to fight crawled insidiously through his veins, fangs aching.

"No...Inu...yasha..." a weak voice croaked.

Both of them glanced down at the woman, who had managed to drag herself half-way out of the hut on her stomach. She stared at the half-breed pleadingly. "You've...g-got it wrong. Sesshoumaru saved us."

When that damning gaze of hers pinned him in place once more, Sesshoumaru swiftly glanced away. "No, I did not save you." He muttered flatly. "He could not answer my question, so I got rid of him."

Even to him, the excuse sounded shallow, so he began firing new questions at Inuyasha about Naraku. Yes, good. Revenge was safer to think about, not priestesses currently lying on the floor, obviously in need of care and attention and why hadn't Inuyasha picked her up yet-

Sesshoumaru turned sharply, padding away with a straight posture. Frayed senses collected until instincts began to roar, raising the hair on the back of his neck. They urged him to take her. Rip Kagome away from the half-breed and press his nose into the hollow of her shoulder. Maybe nibble on her ear. She'd liked that, he recalled. It would be so easy...

Yet, he walked on. Nothing hinted at the depth of feeling warring behind his placid, indifferent mask.

And so it continued in that way.

The Daiyoukai came to her rescue a few times more, regained his missing arm, obtained Bakusaiga, and silently committed to saving her Monk and Slayer friends while fighting the last battle in the depths of Naraku.

When his revenge had been completed though, the first roadblock he had not anticipated disrupted his path.

Kagome was stolen away, but not by him. Sent back to her original Time.

Sesshoumaru heard a loud rattling coming from that compartment he'd stored Kagome in, deep within himself. It leaked out at odd intervals during passive days, when battle drew further and further away into memory.

Seated within his quarters at the Western Keep, Sesshoumaru poured over scrolls. Alone and left in relative peace, the phantom feel of her touch played over pale skin. A kind, melodious voice whispered playfully in his ear. Though he repressed such things over and over, eventually his tactic had become inefficient, worn down after two years of waiting.

He needed an outlet. Practising swordplay did nothing. This was a different kind of urge and need.

Summoning a courtesan to his quarters, Sesshoumaru glanced up when she arrived with a rustle of cloth, sliding back the door. Long, straight straights of dark hair slid over creamy, bared shoulders, hanging forward as she bowed.

"My Lord, it is an honour."

Golden eyes narrowed, before falling shut. Rising, he gestured to lay down on the furs, loosening his clothing.

"May I help you disrobe, my Lord?"

"No," he uttered quietly.

Arousal fanned into the air from the demoness as she stripped and lay down on her stomach, presenting her rear. No fore-play needed. No illusions that this meant something. So why?

Sesshoumaru stared at the glistening sex of the female, wondering at the disgust and revolution that itched under his skin like a rash he couldn't reach. In his mind, he could give form to the lashing, roaring instincts in the shape of a silver inuyoukai, snarling with raised hackles. You disgrace us, it hissed. This is not the female we want.

Long fingers reached, sliding his palm up the woman's spine. Straying underneath her, Sesshoumaru grit his teeth, stomach twisting. When she moaned from the mere touch of his palm on her breast, he stilled.

Wrong. All wrong. Though his body responded like a male, bile had risen in his throat, burning like acid. Muscles had locked, and even baser, bestial wants hardening his cock screamed out for the scent of citrus and holy powers. Deadly claws clenched, and Sesshoumaru tore himself away- seconds from ripping the imposter's throat out.

"Go," he uttered.

"My Lord?"

"GO!" Sesshoumaru snarled, eyes flashing red.

The courtesan picked up her clothes, hurrying to leave. Sesshoumaru clamped his mouth shut to stop from panting, taking a sharp intake of air through his nose and blinking hard and fast. But the scent of the stranger remained in his dwelling, so he padded outside, bursting into flight.

----

"Is it impossible for a mated pair to take other lovers?"

The tree's eyelids fell shut, slowly prying open in a languid blink. Sesshoumaru stood in the clearing, hair still damp from his purging dip in a cold pool.

"Why ask?"

"Mere curiosity. My Mother was only superficially mated to Father, so it stands to reason this is why he could stray. But a true mating, can it prevent the pair from straying?"

"Hmnn..." Bokusenō gave a dusty sounding sigh that hinted at the true depths of his age. "No."

Golden eyes widened. He stared as the tree youkai continued at an unhurried pace. "Though a mating bond is powerful and binds souls together, it cannot impose on free-will."

"But...in all your years, surely you have heard the symptoms of what happens to the pair if such a thing happens?" He demanded sharply, unsettled but unwilling to show it, face impassive as ever.

"Indeed. It brutally harms the bond of trust."

"That is all?"

The tree chuckled. "Expecting something else?"

"Hn," Sesshoumaru glanced away. He loathed how perceptive the tree could be sometimes, yet he continually refused to completely confide in him. Father had kept council with this youkai and it had not done him any favours in the end. "For example; The cheating male could feel impossibly strong revulsion and sickness, the likes of which render him nearly human in uselessness, preventing him from taking a lover."

The weathered face in the bark appeared mildly amused, voice a deep rumble. "That sounds more like a crisis of conscience."

There's an ache in his chest, specific and concentrated, that has turned into a painful burning by now. But such things were ridiculous for demons. A conscience? For beings who delighted in the thrill of cruel, dark things? How laughable.

He levelled the tree with a haughty look, acting as though he had not mated the most cripplingly human miko he'd ever met. "...Foolish."

---

The demoness was the last time Sesshoumaru sought to question the hold Kagome had over his senses. Yet this did not stop him from deciding to try and ignore all thought of her.

He went to visit Rin every week in the human village, often hearing the laughter of the Slayer and Monk's children. Rin helped mind them.

His brother kept busy, awkwardly lending a hand to village folk to help fix houses or do hard labour. Sesshoumaru observed their lives from behind a veil he would not breach. Community as close-knit as theirs felt foreign. He hardly mingled with his own kind so naturally he would not theirs. Another year passed in this manner, with him observing their daily lives. Rin had grown a head taller at a speed he did not expect.

One innocent, bright day, when he greeted her, she positively beamed. "Oh, Lord Sesshoumaru! You're finally here. I wanted to tell you that Kagome has returned! She came back last week!"

Staring down at the girl, not a twinge broke his apathetic expression. Yet Rin tilted her head, seeing fit to touch his hand. "Are you well, my Lord?"

"Yes. Why ask?"

"I'm not sure," she hummed, face soon spreading into a smile. "You should go say hello!"

Sesshoumaru did not dignify her with an answer. He spent a good hour with Rin, watching over her as she studied medicinal herbs under Kaede. When Jaken finally waddled into their hut, carrying the desired package he'd been sent for, Sesshoumaru handed it to Rin and left without another word. A folded, fine kimono for his ward.

Flying over the village, he kept his gaze strictly fixed on the horizon ahead. Even when an intoxicatingly tempting scent reached his nose, the Daiyoukai did not falter.

"Ah! Lord Sesshoumaru, it seems Kagome has returned," Jaken squawked, clinging to mokomoko.

Just ignore her. A noise, perhaps a dismissive hum escaped him. His eyes burned with want to look. To see her.

A familiar voice he'd heard in his dreams and waking fantasies called up to him. "Big Brother!"

Piercing, throbbing viciousness blazed through his lungs and heart even as they swelled with pleasure to hear her again. Golden eyes snapped down to blue, scowling with the heated force of a thousand suns. You dare to pigeonhole me into that title? Is it to save yourself from any possible attraction to this one, miko? He sneered.

Kagome blinked up at him, brows pulling together with dismay. "Huh, he just gave me a really annoyed look," she then glanced at Inuyasha, noting his weirded out expression. "H-huh? You too?"

"That just sounded really wrong," he winced.

Jaken muttered some sort of complaint, though Sesshoumaru barely paid any attention to it, muttering his usual; "shut up, or I'll kill you."

Instead, his thoughts fixed on Kagome, searing her image at the forefront of his mind. I will bed you for this slight against me, miko. We will be mated once more, and you will scream your want for me. Just as you did behind the falls.

This new 'goal' in mind helped distract the Daiyoukai from the peace that had settled into his bones upon seeing her, along with the gladness of her return.

----

Of course, all plans have their...upsets that cause them to go awry. The upset in question came in the form of Inuyasha and Kagome's relationship. They talked and walked together, sometimes with her hand settling in the crook of his arm. They stole occasional kisses, though from what he observed, something stilted their interactions. Sesshoumaru could not put his finger on what, yet he hardly liked to examine their touches. In fact, their closeness only bred a sickly, lonely thing in his gut that he hated with such viciousness it left him reeling.

What felt worse in some ways, was the waiting. When Kagome padded alone through the forest and bent to gather herbs, he'd watch, silently willing her to look at him.

He wanted her badly, a dangerous fascination driving the sweep of his eyes across curves so lush it weakened him with yearning. His gaze settled on the bared nape of her neck, a sight that threatened to drive him mad. The demon flew away as her gaze flicked up, perhaps seeing fleeting strands of silver through the trees.

But just as he'd been beginning to wonder how exactly to steal the miko's attentions away- the couple became near strangers.

Sesshoumaru did not know what happened between the two. But he watched as Inuyasha ran more errands outside the confines of the village, putting distance between the two. Kagome left for the Bone Eater's well but returned after a week, eyes free of tears once more.

The only difference he could pick up on that had changed their relationship was Kagome's loss of virginity.

----

Many months after the break-up, Sesshoumaru finally decided to act. He'd been filling up the time searching for ways to lengthen human life-spans, just in case things happened as her future self had said. There was a chance that they'd failed together, in that cave. If she hadn't had her life extended after a second mating, he did not know what to do. So he decided not to make it an issue in the first place. In between searching, he remained patient, awaiting the time when the younger Kagome walked without sadness palpable in her scent. When she finally offered the olive-branch to Inuyasha and rekindled their friendship, he felt it was the right time. Perhaps her heart had not fully moved on but he could be idle no longer.

And so, Sesshoumaru stripped.

Leaving himself in hakama pants, he set down his clothing and straightened. Displaying did not warrant being half-naked, but the miko had done so for him. Perhaps it was a human thing.

What he did not do was hunt for Kagome, as the girl still did not seem keen on dead animals. The last thing he wanted to elicit was disgust.

Glancing at where she currently washed clothes at the river bank, his gaze swept down the line of her back, before drawing Bakusaiga. He then began to move, sweeping the blade down in a controlled, hard strike. His footwork displayed control, perfect and deliberate. Youki coiled out from bared flesh, brushing against her aura to gain attention.

Though he did not look at her, Sesshoumaru picked up on a startled noise. Demonic blood raced, heating and sparking at the mere thought of her gaze on him. Not much of a sibling figure now, am I, miko? He preened. Behold your mate. All this and more I can provide you.

His instincts purred with enjoyment, twisting his body to move and slice into invisible enemies. He figured she'd probably approach right about n-

Kagome's footsteps sounded out, growing fainter. Sesshoumaru's gaze snapped to her retreating, confused figure. Where was she going? Rejection stung in his gut, but Sesshoumaru shook it off.

The older Kagome had persevered. This had merely been the first step. He'd try again. She surely could not ignore him more than once.

---

Kagome rejected him twenty-two times more. Though they spoke together at times when Rin was near and she brewed tea and smiled politely, Sesshoumaru could not begin to verbalise his wounded pride. Not once did she acknowledge his propensity to strip and start practising swordplay around her. He'd been beginning to wonder if he'd gotten something wrong. If the older miko had been a dream one feverish, shuddering night. After all, he had no proof of her existence marking his flesh.

"Sesshoumaru."

He turned slightly, some silver strands of hair falling forward to caress his cheek. Kagome stared at him, holding a novel in her hands.

"What is it, Miko?"

"Well, it's just...there's a lot of clearings around here, right?" She asked, before wincing.

He continued to shift position, bringing the sword down in a swift motion and then straightening again. "Indeed."

Kagome bit her lip, seeming to wrestle with something.

"Do you have a point?" His deep baritone hinted at the lurking desire lacing his every movement. Her blue eyes lifted to his, cheeks blooming crimson.

Ah, finally. He exhaled a relieved breath.

"N-no. Uh...but I did notice that you do a lot of basic forms when training. Is the fancy footwork just a heat of the moment battle thing?"

Sesshoumaru raised a brow. "Fancy?"

"Yeah," she smiled, standing. "You know..."

Holding her arm out in front of her and mimicking a sword swing, she turned and swiftly spun on her heel in a circle. When she faced forward again, he tilted his chin up slightly.

"You realise you are mocking a centuries-old technique and recreating it improperly?" The demon uttered flatly. There's a hidden smile behind the trained demeanour he has, relaxed ease in the sharp corners of his eyes.

"I'm not mocking- the part missing is where your fancy move lops off five heads at once." Kagome snorted.

Golden eyes glittered proudly at that and satisfaction curled within when she seemed to smile wider.

"Hn, this one practices the 'fancy footwork' as well. However...ignoring the basics would be folly."

"How so?"

He turned to face forward, expression unreadable. "Paying attention to the simplest and smallest details helps to gauge a picture of the whole."

Kagome did not understand the meaning, but that was to be expected. She naturally sought to flee from him again, but now the Daiyoukai was paying extra attention, and he could sense an undercurrent of interest lacing her scent. Buried under hesitance and confusion.

He knew then, he must make things clearer and unmistakable.

It was by his own hand that later he'd shed the red and white silks of his hankimono. Dressing her in the priceless clothing made him stop dead in his tracks, both stunned and appreciative of the view as he was forcefully reminded that he was a male in possession of a sex drive.

She'd run from him once more, this time carrying the faint traces of excitement, flustered. Eventually though, after killing the men who dared chase her, Sesshoumaru had come across a familiar sight. Back arched, feet planted, head tossed back and arrow flying free from her bow. The only difference was the lustrous, long black locks fanning into the breeze. The addition of clothing. Somehow, he didn't mind.

Benign. No, she was not benign. She was strong. All-powerful, a paradox, his epidemic. He still can't really place why he sees her this way, but the sudden admiration and uncertainty he feels as he lets in her beauty isn't unfamiliar.

And when Kagome turns to him and smiles, words of teasing falling between them, Sesshoumaru hangs on the precipice of unspoken permission. It comes in the form of her lips brushing his cheek, and a hard, stabbing memory leaves him breathless a moment. What a shameful thing for a near-immortal.

"But I do...want you. I want to get to know you more. 'Paying attention to the smallest details helps to gauge a picture of the whole', right? So, show me-"

Sesshoumaru cut off her words with his mouth crashing to hers. Oh, he would show her. He'd never be capable of voicing his attraction or want, to tell of hearing the thrill of her challenging, teasing words. But as a demon of action, he'd bridge the gap between their uneven affections. She would grow to want him with just the same intensity. He'd seen it reflected in her future self's eyes.

I will bind you to me, Kagome. Your life-span will be lengthened to match my own. This I swear.

----

It was one thing to think this, of course, and quite another to actually find a 'cure' for mortality.

Sesshoumaru visited the few demon/human couples he could find in his free time. They were shy of strangers and kept to themselves, especially if they had hanyou children. The majority he found could bind their lifespans. It was possible even in cases where the female was of demonkind, binding their human male to them.

"How?" He'd asked. "What gave you the ability to lengthen their lifespans to match yours? You hold little power."

The Nure-onna trembled before him in their dwelling, coiling her long, green, scaled body protectively around her husband, who in turn cradled their offspring. Why exactly she hadn't killed the man who would usually be her prey, Sesshoumaru did not know. Yet no scent of death came from the mortal.

"I do not know, Master." She hissed, forked tongue flicking out. "We had no idea it could be so. Did not plan the binding."

Claws twitched with agitation at his side. This was the fourth couple he'd found, yet none had a strong answer to go off. Future Kagome had stated the mating had not fully worked. If that were the case, perhaps he needed to go back to finding items to lengthen her life, though it left distaste in his mouth.

"Perhaps you should seek an elixir," the man piped up tentatively.

Hard eyes slid to him, Sesshoumaru's attention zeroing in on the plain looking human. The scales tightened slightly as the demoness made a face.

"Mate- hush now."

"But he needs assistance?"

"He is threatening us!"

The Daiyoukai watched this back and forth boredly, soon resting a palm on the hilt of Bakusaiga. "She is correct. So, continue talking," he purred in light, silken tones. A prelude to violence should tentative patience be tested.

The male jumped, quickly nodding. "Y-yes well, I've been educated. I used to be a monk and lived at a temple. We received scrolls about youkai and sometimes burned them, lest they fall into the wrong hands. One scroll I remember talked of youkai trees. If you cut into them just before their natural death of sentience, it is said their sap can make humans immortal."

Sesshoumaru fell quiet. A heavy, uncomfortable feeling weighed in his chest. The only youkai tree he knew of in Japan was Bokusenō. How exactly did one know when the tree would lose sentience? And besides that, the youkai had been loyal. One of the only demons he sometimes visited without motive in mind.

"I-I should mention though, the scroll was a cautionary tale. Many men have waited for tree youkai to die, only to perish from old age themselves. The trees can last many, many centuries. Your human might die before you can obtain an elixir," the man said gently.

A bite of thunder rumbled out of his chest, the growl filling the room. His eyes flashed red before Sesshoumaru forced them tightly shut.

He left the couple's dwelling without another word, hearing their child begin to cry. The parent's voices, both human and demon, cooed over the little half-blood.

After this encounter, he sought older, wiser beings. Even stooped so slow as to seek the common flee demon. Their answers ranged from ridiculous exercises he tried and tested, finding nothing substantial, to praying to the Kami for their blessing. Sesshoumaru ignored the latter advice. None would bring the proud demon to his knees.

---

It was only because of his loyalty to his prospective mate that Sesshoumaru resolved to seek Bokusenō out for advice. Hopefully the tree would give him a different answer. Yet the Daiyoukai's mind continued to turn. He refused to lose his chosen to old age, and unlike other mortals, she came with something that could buy them time until the elixir was ready.

The Bone Eater's Well.

After Kagome had injured her ankle and been swept away by his mother, whisking her into the lion's den that was the Western Keep, that time for advice drew near. When he presented his chosen mate to Bokusenō, however, the answer came as expected.

What Sesshoumaru did not anticipate, was the hurt and confusion rolling off Kagome in waves. They stood before the tree, her eyes wide.

"D-did you know this was going to happen?"

He hesitated. "No. I merely accepted it as a possible outcome after looking into a few ways to extend your life."

It was then he realised; he had barely taken into consideration Kagome's feelings. "I will not lose you," he uttered in defence. Yes, the end justified the means.

"But you are losing me!" She burst, hitting her crutch down in frustration. "Sesshoumaru it's Five hundred years! Five hundred. W-was the concept of less than a hundred together not enough? Was me ageing so repulsive to you that you couldn't stand it-"

A terrible snarl deafened her for a moment as red bled into the gold of his eyes. Even as anger and ugly, possessive emotion welled up inside him, Sesshoumaru felt tethered to the brilliant flashing of her gaze. Not for the first time, instincts stir to take. To claim anew.

They mated that night after their argument. His arms snaked around her back and dragged her to him, the curves of her body coming flush against the planes of his. Finally, he thinks. I can hold you with both arms this time.

When Kagome reached the peak of pleasure, blunt teeth suddenly buried into his neck. Reiki sparked out, searing her brand into pale skin.

Sesshoumaru did not know why, but this action made him come. She cried out when his seed spilt inside her- back arched, mouth open wide. She looked feral and powerful, and Sesshoumaru felt humbled to be privy to such a display even as he too claimed her.

Their bodies are soon spent and trembling. He cannot find the words to tell her of their- of his failure.

As his miko slept, he inhaled the scent of death lingering on within the exquisite black strands of hair he willed never to grey.

---

Her muffled sobbing wore at him in a way that unsettled him deeply. Sesshoumaru requested she tell him of her deceased Grandfather. The news rattled her in a way no injury could.

It takes the steady, unshakable will of his resolve not to tell her of the spell.

Inuyasha takes her, disappearing into the Bone Eater's Well in order to make funeral arrangements. She is certain she'll return to the Fuedal Era in two weeks.

He is not unfeeling when he senses Kagome's scent slowly fade.

The decision had been weighed carefully. There was none who could counsel him in this choice, and it could not be reversed for several centuries. Therefore, he'd studied the seal a youkai witch had given him. She'd been mildly helpful over the years and he did not doubt her power. The Bone Eater's Well would be sealed off if he willed it.

He could hear the future miko whisper in his ear. "And if I lived through those five centuries alongside you, would it hinder things? If one of a mated pair dies, so does the other, right? I'm way more liable to die in this era. In the Future, everything's more peaceful. I can finally start to build a home with you there."

It was also as though the fates had made the choice for him. Yet he acted on his own instinct.

No emotion touched his face as Sesshoumaru withdrew the seal from his clothes, planting the spell at the bottom of the dark pit. He fused his youkai into it, feeding the barrier that latched into the earth and structure.

Strange, the well accepts it easily. I do not sense as much power here as before. Has it sensed my will and retreated into itself?

Unfamiliar smells of smoke and fumes from the well ceased. The crackle of power lining the wood faded. The humming of the ancient well fell silent, and he felt the weight of his choice line his stomach as he turned and left.

A storm had blown in from the East in his brief absence from Edo. When he returned to see Rin, Sesshoumaru found the humans in mourning, carrying a small casket fit for a child.

'Saito' they called him. One of the boys Kagome had been teaching how to swim.

Cardiac Arrest. Storms. Humans could die so very easily. He felt more justified in his choice because of it.

The Daiyoukai was fully prepared to live the 500 years without her. He'd be remiss not to follow through on his philosophy of the end result being paramount. Feelings did not come into the equation. He'd be there to greet her once she and the half breed touched down in her Time and would hand over the elixir. Of this, he felt certain.

---

It had been happening for a few weeks.

Sesshoumaru noticed what he liked to call 'odd looks.' They'd been occurring recently with growing frequency between Rin and Kohaku. At 17, she was of the prime age for marriage, but no boys had approached her with an offer.

His lips curved at the thought. His presence alone frightened them away, but even her association with him seemed to do the trick. A good thing, for he had plans to bind her to a demon from his court.

A young noble, tall, but with a disposition he felt Rin wouldn't be intimidated by, for it was difficult to intimidate his ward, had been selected. A tengu demon.

"Lord Sesshoumaru..." she said, awkwardly smiling after he'd asked. "I appreciate you asking around for me, but I really don't want to move away from here. It's...it's my home."

The demon inclined his head. "Very well, this one shall find another demon who would live-"

"Do I...have to marry a demon?"

Sesshoumaru arched a brow, looking at her as she scrubbed clothes in the river. "Are you suggesting you have other offers to bear in mind?"

Rin blushed, avoiding his keen, demanding gaze. She glanced across the river then, seeing the young demon slayer rise up above the trees astride Kirara. Automatically her lips curved at the edges, interest winning her gaze.

Sesshoumaru stared. When she'd been a child, Rin had dropped everything to look at her Lord. Beautiful, she'd called him. Now he felt like part of the scenery she barely paid him any mind. He made a noise that was definitely not a huff, tilting his chin up.

"By mating a demon, they can extend your life-span."

Shifting, she collected the washing, shoving them into her basket and rising. She'd gotten so tall. Or at least...taller. It still unnerved him. "My Lord...I'd never want to marry someone for the whole point of gaining a longer life."

He frowned, jaw clenching. "This Sesshoumaru will find one you approve of-"

"What if I've already found someone I want you to approve of?"

"Send me the demon if it is so-"

"He's not a demon!" Rin burst.

Humans from the village fell silent as they passed by, watching the exchange and whispering lowly. Sesshoumaru blinked, face apathetic, but Rin knew how to tell his moods. Right now, he felt confused, thrown.

She softened the hardness in her brown eyes but didn't budge. His infectious pride had given her a regal tilt to her chin, giving the girl of common birth airs. Sesshoumaru's mouth thinned, lashes lowering slightly.

"It is that boy, is it not?" He muttered, keenly feeling Kagome's absence. She'd know what to say.

"He's not just 'that boy' to us, is he?" Rin murmured. "He's Kohaku. Please...come have tea with us tomorrow. He wants to speak to you."

"This one is busy."

"No you are not! Master Jaken told me you have a free schedule." She frowned, taking his clawed hand suddenly.

He stilled, attention becoming fixated on her hand. It felt too big. Where was her tiny hand which had barely wrapped around his fingers?

"Lord Sesshoumaru," Rin said firmly, gaze stubborn but pleading. "Please? It would make me very happy."

When he reluctantly agreed- to talk and no more- her face had erupted into a beautiful bloom of pure sunshine. Sesshoumaru hated himself for the weakness, accepting a purple pressed flower for his troubles.

He came to think of it as an extremely poor trade and perhaps the worst business decision of his life. He'd traded Rin's chance of a near-immortal life for a purple pressed flower. But no matter how hard or firmly he'd tried to dissuade Rin, her heart was set on the boy.

As he watched Rin at her wedding, dancing around a bonfire like a wild child with Kohaku- exotic flowers in her hair and veil, completely disregarding customs and laughing heartily, Sesshoumaru felt the first twinge of something pulse in his chest. This sensation would only worsen the older she grew.

----

About 45 years after the Bone Eater's Well had been sealed, news of the female Demon Slayer's death reached him. Sesshoumaru lingered on the outskirts of the village, watching the humans mourn. He felt no attachment to the woman but remained on account of Rin, Kohaku and Shippo's distress. The Monk looked tired, dressed in a black yukata, the grey of his hair seeming thinner.

It was therefore of little surprise to him when Miroku passed a mere month later. As before, he watched with a morbid fascination as the people of the village cried. They were such strange things, humans. They smelled of death, constantly slowly dying and ageing even while standing still. Yet they seemed surprised and saddened, as though one of them passing were new and unexpected. Surely they were wasting their pathetically short lives by mourning.

He felt some small pins of emotion, remembering the way Kagome had cried and clung to their younger selves. He suddenly desired her to argue with him again.

Sesshoumaru entered Rin's hut after everything died down and set his palm on her head. She'd shot up when she were a teenager, yet now as an old woman, she seemed to have shrunk down once more. Such a strange thing.

Rin flashed him a wobbly, gap-toothed smile, brown eyes sad. "All my friends are leaving, Lord Sesshoumaru."

"It was their time," he murmured.

She nodded slightly, touching his cheek. "...When it's my time, do you promise to always remember me?"

Golden eyes slightly widened, muscles stiffening into marble. She'd asked something similar, once. A long time ago.

His answer remained the same, not wanting to think of it. Confront it. Perhaps to a naive degree.

"Don't say such silly things."

He remained there for a few hours, before taking Shippo with him back to the Western Keep. The kit remained quiet and solemn and Sesshoumaru did not pry.

They remained in this stasis for a few months.

Passing by the kit's room one day, Sesshoumaru stilled upon glancing through the crack in the slightly open door. His muscles locked, eyes flying wide upon seeing black hair and lush long legs. He opened his mouth but no words came out- instead inhaling and hissing out a breath soon after.

It was not Kagome. Merely the kit transformed. Blind, consuming rage built in his chest, threatening to spill out- until her features shifted.

The image of the miko changed as she stared at herself in the mirror, taking on the appearance of the Slayer in her youth. Sesshoumaru's muscles relaxed, instead frowning slightly in mild consternation.

He watched as the woman's shoulders trembled. The figure shifted into that of the Monks. Deep, violet eyes were clearly swimming with tears as he leaned forward, resting his forehead against the surface.

Sesshoumaru slid the door open, quietly stepping into the room just as those features shifted into that of the half breed's. Golden eyes met. Inuyasha's face twisted into abject misery as tears rolled down his cheeks.

The Daiyoukai knew he was to blame for two of those faces being absent from the kit's life. He padded closer out of responsibility, not entirely sure what to do, before Inuyasha's image threw itself into his arms. Sesshoumaru stiffened, lips thinning as he bit back a sneer. Slowly, the white hair of his brother leaked away into auburn. His height dissipated, and the demon lord shifted his arm so that small feet were supported.

Shippo buried his face into a broad shoulder, sobbing. His petite form trembled and shook, clutching onto the stable, older demon who remained uncomfortable. Not exactly one to comfort, he remained still, catching sight of them in the mirror.

If things were different, and Kagome were holding a crying, smaller Rin, then she would soothe the child. Treat her as kin.

The kit was Kagome's kin. Whether she thought of him as her child or brother, it did not matter, he had a duty to the boy.

Careful, reluctant claws unfurled, palm coming to rest on the crown of red hair. Shippo stilled, before quieting. He seemed to finally register their positions, being cradled to the pale demon, but he did not move. The sobs softened into hiccups, distressed energy relaxing into tiredness. Sesshoumaru stood with the boy for a fair time, refusing to apologise, and yet choosing to voice the truth.

"I am to blame for the Well closing."

Shippo sniffed, turning his cheek to look up at him. "I kind of figured. You did it to stop Kagome from ageing...didn't you?"

He did not answer, but the kit merely closed his eyes, sighing. "I wish you'd sent away Miroku and Sango too. Maybe I could have figured out a way to make them live longer by the time I'd see them in 500 years."

"...They lived as they wished, kit."

"Doesn't matter what they 'wished'," he muttered stubbornly. "You didn't ask Kagome, did you? If she'd wanted to grow old, would you have let her?"

"It is different," Sesshoumaru frowned.

Green eyes cracked open to pin him with a look filled with a mixture of doubt and mild pity. Neither of them mentioned Rin.

---

5 years after, Kagome randomly returned.

Emotion assaulted him. Elation, confusion, hope- followed by dread when he smelled death lingering in her scent like an unwanted passenger. He confessed his part in closing the well, though her reaction was more rage and hurt filled than Shippo's. The worst part was when she told him to stay away. Unfamiliar, disgusting sensations that distressed his nerves came with that command.

Later, she cried into his chest. Many seemed to be doing that lately. There were numerous things he wanted to say, to ask- but they were caught behind a firm wall, wanting to soothe her. The mating mark on his neck blazed, coiling as it sensed her agony.

He had no words of comfort and merely lingered, awaiting her gaze. Touch.

Sesshoumaru felt similar to the days she'd dated Inuyasha, so long ago for him. But he gave her the space she requested. When he heard frantic footsteps however- he immediately flew to the riverbank, seeing her fall into the water.

The Daiyoukai stood on the bank, amusement in his usual refined countenance. "You're as clumsy as ever," he uttered.

A sheepish smile came to her lips, before noticing something beneath the water. Kagome quickly reached out to him.

"S-sesshoumaru, it's happening again! I think I'm being pulled back into-" she was cut off, yanked under by the current. It sent her spiralling down, the water tossing her hair and pulling her down deeper. He did not think, materialising into the water and using his youki to propel himself through the current. Kagome's figure sailed down, down, down- and then further still, sinking like a fired rock. Waters dyed pink around her like neon blood. Claws stretched wide, seeking, needing-

She was forcefully yanked down through the current, disappearing before his very eyes. He stopped, treading water as he stared at the spot where she'd vanished. No matter how long he lingered, she did not return.

Surfacing, the demon panted, eyes burning.

It was a good thing, in the long run. Nothing had changed. She would still age and die if she stayed with him as things were right now. Bokuseno was not ready.

He knew this. And yet...

----

"Hah- gah! L-Lord Sesshoumaru!" Jaken hurried through the threshold of his room. Golden eyes flicked up, noting the lack of manners. It must have been urgent for the fool to forget himself.

"What is it?"

Glancing at the kappa's face made him pause. The green of his skin looked paler, scent distressed, bulbous eyes wider. "I-I-It's Rin, mi Lord."

Everything after that leaked into a blur. Trees, greenery, mountains, even Jaken clutching at mokomoko trailing in the breeze. Sesshoumaru felt nothing, merely acted.

He didn't feel until he was kneeling by her side, staring down at the old woman. So frail and small. Rin's papery lids did not open. She lay still and unmoving. Kohaku knelt on her other side, holding her thin hand and stroking his thumb over it.

Sesshoumaru picked up the other, cradling it in his larger one like it was a fragile bird. Jaken sat near her feet, removing his hat.

"She got a pain in her chest, made her collapse," Kohaku said softly.

"Cardiac arrest?" The Daiyoukai demanded.

"I-I don't know," he murmured, unshed tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry. She...she's already gone."

Sesshoumaru stared at her face, a ringing in his ears blocking out most sounds, muffling words. He didn't want to hear. He refused to. If he did, he'd pick up on the lack of noise thumping inside her chest. But the smaller hand in his is cool and silent without a pulse.

Teeth lock in his jaw, gritting until they practically shake. Something burns in his throat, spouting fire up into the backs of his eyes. "No, she is not."

Kohaku looks at him wearily, grey strands sliding forward from his low pony-tail. "My Lord...it's alright-"

"Be silent," he hissed, setting her hand down and drawing Tenseiga. But it did not glow. No light heeded his call, no matter how much youki he fed into the blade.

A hand set on Sesshoumaru's arm, making him start, inhuman eyes wide. The hilt trembled a little.

"You can't use it twice on someone, my Lord." Kohaku said gently, causing the arm to lower.

They stayed in the hut, immobile with feeling. The old man wiped at weathered cheeks, salt fanning into the air.

"Father?" Came a call from outside the door, "may we see her?"

"Y-yes, come in everyone." Kohaku gently invited, words halting when Sesshoumaru immediately walked out the door the second people tried to enter. He ignored the calls to come back, feet carrying him further and further away as he sheathed Tenseiga, disappearing into the trees.

The funeral came, and he despised it. He loathed every miserable moment spent within the company of the mourning humans, as though he'd joined their ranks after observing for so long. Perhaps the most frustrating part was his own inability to admit he should have prepared himself. Seen it coming. He felt woefully inexperienced, young, despite being the oldest being there.

"...When it's my time, do you promise to always remember me?"

He understood now, standing before her grave. Rin had been trying to prepare him. Perhaps for a long time. He'd been cowardly. Weak. And weaker still as he fell prey to such consuming emotion that he stayed rooted on the spot long after everyone else left.

The heavens opened, causing a downpour. He tried without end to suppress the negative, useless thoughts plaguing him over and over. But this was not Father's death, who had fallen at least mildly from battle. Rin had fallen prey to such an ordinary thing when he was supposed to be her protector. It made him feel-

"Sesshoumaru."

It made him feel...

Something pressed against his back. "How- how long has it been?"

"A week."

Kagome moved around him, visibly flinching as though struck once she saw the grave. "N-no..."

Powerless.

----

His mate is the balm for the wounds inside his body that he can't physically cauterize himself. She is light and teasing, able to make him forget and relax far more efficiently than his own suppressing, compartmentalising method.

He almost felt as though the world was fine and sensible again until she left him alone briefly. Then order became chaos anew.

Narrowly avoiding trees and ripping his way through greenery, Sesshoumaru grabbed his miko from behind at the poolside, burying a nose in her hair.

She hadn't protested, opening like a flower for him as he'd taken her roughly. After, when she experienced a smidgen of his pain, Kagome had smoothed her fingers through his bangs, kissing his eyelids and crying. He hadn't enjoyed that last part so much.

They'd subsequently lay together, spent on the side of the waters. With his seed still leaking down her thighs. Sesshoumaru licked away her tears, pressing his forehead against hers and exhaling shakily.

Slowly, random words collected on his tongue. "This one never asked but...how? That first time and now. How are you here?"

"Time travel?"

For some reason, she seemed as confused as him, before offering; "I don't know. One second I was holding your red and white hankimono- the next I was swimming and showed up here. This time, it was the kanzashi I touched."

"I...see."

He did not see. But he liked her to think he was all-knowing.

Kagome smiled gently and smoothed her hands down his chest, while lazy claws trailed an invisible circle over the creamy curve of her hip. He felt that he loved her body. It endeared itself to him in the strangest of ways. The toned muscle, the scars, even the strange birthmarks. She gazed at him, before hiding her face in the crook of his shoulder when it became apparent she was blinking back tears again.

"What a mess, huh Mr. Fancy Feet?"

He loved her more, of course. A human sentiment, love, but he was not one for poetry or romantic words and he was tired.

It would have to do.

#sesskag #sesshoumaru x kagome #sesskag fanfiction #Inuyasha #sesshomaru #kagome higurashi

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