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discount-shades · 1 year

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Contract Spouse Chapter 2

Chapter 2: The Letter

A/N: Not so much this chapter but this fic is going to get dark at times, it's not going to be as fluffy like Sleepy Baby.

Pairing: Jake Seresin/Reader (nicknamed Pip)

Warning: Angst,

Length: 2000ish

Summary: Jake tells the Dagger Squad about Pip.

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You roll your shoulders and send off the final few texts and emails of the day, checking the time you sign off at 5:00PM. Being a virtual assistant had its perks. You got to wear yoga pants all day and there was no commute, but the biggest perk was the fact you were able to work two jobs.

One was a fairly involved executive assistant position at a growing company that took up most of your time. The other was as a glorified Google Calendar, keeping your extremely ADHD boss from missing deadlines, meetings, and anything else important.

The downside was a large L-shaped desk with three monitors set up in your bedroom. You had a business degree but when the opportunity evolved out of your part time administrative assistant job, you had taken it. When you had found yourself with a couple hours of down time during your work day you had subtly asked around and had gotten a second job managing your other bosses emails and calendar.

You walked into the kitchen you would be sharing with Sami until the end of the month. After over five years of it being the two of you she had finally decided to move in with her boyfriend of two years. You were happy for her but unsure of your own future. Should you renew your lease? Find a smaller, cheaper, single bedroom place? Get a roommate? You didn’t know what you wanted to do and time was running out.

That was a lie, you know what you wanted to do but it was impossible. You wanted to move in with your husband, drop everything and move across the country to be with him. But it’s not that kind of marriage, you tell yourself for what feels like the millionth time. It has never been.

Jake had been your teenage crush. Your best friend's handsome big brother, nothing would ever come of it. But when you needed him, he had married you, he had even called you almost daily to keep up the pretense that your marriage was real.

With every phone call you had fallen further and further in love with your husband. He was sweet, funny, caring, and supportive. You’ve never told anyone of your feelings but sometimes you think Sami suspects it.

You knew Jake went on dates and hooked up with women. You have tried going on dates, and one night stands, but could never get over the guilt. The feeling that you were cheating on Jake.

You again consider divorcing him. It would be easier. You could date and start a real relationship. You knew how this train of thought would end. You would have yourself convinced you were going to call it quits and then Jake would call and say ‘hello’ in a tone of voice that told you he was smiling and you would be sucked right back in.

He would sign the divorce papers the minute you asked but you kept torturing your heart. You knew you couldn’t keep waiting forever, knew that eventually you would have to move on but you couldn’t. Not yet, anyway.

– – –

You hear keys in the lock and the door open and glance at the time, it’s 12:30 AM, “You're past curfew.” You can hear Sami chuckle as she walks in and drops two envelopes on your head.

“I get your mail for you and all I get is sass.” She flops down on the couch beside you. “Are you watching Downton Abbey again?” she groans as you just shrug.

“I want your final month here to be exactly the same as the past five years of us living together.” You grin at her rolling eyes. “You going out and having fun, and me staying in, watching a period drama.”

“Goodnight, Dork.” You can hear the fondness in her voice as she gets up and heads to bed. You look at the envelopes, one is a reminder to renew your car insurance, the other has the NCIS emblem. Frowning you open it and your jaw drops as you read the letter inside. It has come to our attention… marriage under contract… opening an investigation….

“Shit.”

You scramble and grab your phone, quickly calling Jake, when he doesn't answer you try him again. You are taken aback by a woman's voice answering and feel a twinge of jealousy and guilt. You had always told yourself that you would never negatively impact Jake's life while married to him and you hope you didn’t ruin something by calling him like this.

After rambling at the woman on the phone you hang up and stare at your reflection on the black screen. You are so lost in thought that you jump when Jake's face pops up with an incoming call.

“Pip? What's wrong? Are you hurt?” His sounds worried and, despite this, you immediately relax at the sound of his voice.

“I’m ok, I’m sorry!” You are talking in a rush. “I didn't mean to ruin your date.”

“I’m not on a date.” You sag in relief at his response. Happy you didn’t ruin his date or happy he is not on a date, you’re not sure.

“I got a letter,” You stare at the paper in your hand. “Jake, someone reported our marriage.”

“Shit.”

“That's what I said.” You reread bits of the letter to him, giving Jake a moment to process. “It says they are going to be interviewing people who know us,” you pause, ”Jake, I haven't told anyone about us.” Running your hand through your hair, you bite your lip in nerves. “I don’t have a lot of friends or share personal details.”

“I’ll tell the squad.” You can hear it in his voice when he shifts into protector mode. “Rooster owes me his life so he’ll lie for us.” His voice is tense when he says that, bitter in the way he always gets when he talks about the things he never speaks of. “And don't forget the fake marriage plans. No one can say we don’t have a relationship.”

“Yeah,” you agree. “I’ll scan the letter and email it to you.”

“Thanks, I’m going to head home. I’ll call you when I get there.” You agree and go to hang up but Jake stops you. “It’s going to be alright, you planned for this.” You agree softly. “I love you, Pip. We got this.”

“I love you too,” your reply is quiet and automatic as you hang up the phone, rising to go scan the letter. Jake always said he loved you. It had started as a cover when the two of you were together at a military event, that as his wife, you couldn’t avoid. He had urged you to do the same jokingly.

“I love you, Pip.” His cheeky grin melted and hardened your heart. “Now tell me you love me too, and make sure I believe it.”

After years of saying it you were sure he meant it, in his own way, Just not in the same way you meant it every time the words crossed your lips.

– – –

Jake rubs his head as he stares at his teammates, he had been up late last night talking to Pip. He had asked them to meet him in the parking lot after training where they could not be overheard. “I need to tell you guys something that if anyone asks you’ve always known.”

The faces around him show a variety of emotions. Coyote is resigned, but then again, he already knows. Rooster and Fanboy look giddy with excitement, like little kids about to be told a secret. Phoenix’s eyes are narrowed in suspicion. Only Payback and Bob have mastered a look of polite interest.

“Pip, the woman on the phone, she’s my wife.”

Jake registers the feeling of his head jerking to the side a millisecond before the pain of the slap hits him and causes his left cheek to bloom red. “Jesus Christ Phoenix!” Jake raises his hand to his cheek, shock on his face. “What the fuck was that?”

Phoenix is subtly flexing her hand to shake out the pain from the slap. “You go home with a different woman every night you can!” Rage is clouding her eyes. “You’re telling me you have been cheating on some poor woman all this time?” Rooster moves forward and places himself between Jake and Phoenix.

“Ow! No!” Jake’s cheek feels hot. “It’s a fucking marriage of convenience!” He runs his tongue on the inside of his cheek, searching for the telltale metallic taste of blood, but it's not there. “She was sick and needed health care so I married her when I was still in flight school.”

“Is she better?” Trust Bob to do the decent thing and be concerned with the health of a stranger.

“You know, Phoenix, you should listen to your Wizzo more.” Jake says, gingerly feeling the warmth of his cheek. “Ask questions first, instead of slapping.”

“You’ve had it coming on some level,” Phoenix says without remorse before repeating Bob's question. “Is she better Hangman?”

“She's fine, it's been over five years.”

“Why’d you stay married?” Payback asks. He’s the only other married member of the squad.

Jake shrugs, “the money, and the spousal benefits helped her.” He knows that's not the truth. At least not the whole truth but he doesn’t want to get into the hollow little feeling in his chest every time he thinks about ending the charade.

“How’d you meet?” Roster asks.

“She’s my baby sister's best friend.” Jake waits for Rooster to do the math. Rooster and Sami had crossed paths before and Jake had warned Rooster to stay away from his younger sister.

“Jesus, Hangman, was she a child bride?”

“No!” Jake rubs his face in defeat. “She was eighteen, and it's not that type of marriage, it's just a piece of paper.”

“So why are you telling us this now?” Phoenix crosses her arms and looks at Jake expectantly.

“Pip got a letter.” Jake sighs. “Someone reported our marriage as fake and now we are being investigated.”

“Shit,” Fanboy muses, “do they have a case?” Jake looks at him in exasperation. Fanboy was brilliant at his job, but some days Jake suspected all other available mental real estate was taken up with nerd trivia leaving no space for common sense.

“Yes Fanboy, they do have a case.” Jake rolls his eyes before continuing. “We talk on the phone and have a joint bank account but we’ve never lived together, most of it can be explained away through health, deployments, and her university.”

“So what do you need us to do?” Payback asks.

“Just pretend you have always known I was married.” Jake looks around at everyone nodding. “Pip hasn’t told anyone so you will have to prove that it wasn’t a secret. Coyote was a witness so he has legal proof of knowing.”

“Don’t worry man.” Rooster claps him on the shoulder. “We've got your back.”

“Thank you.” Jake says sincerely. “I’m diving to Austin at the end of the month. Pip’s lease with my sister is up and she’s going to move in with me to make it look real.”

Coyote nods. “That makes sense, this is the first long term posting you’ve had since she finished University.”

“Sooo, yeah,” Jake spreads his arms out helplessly. “In conclusion, I’ve been married to Pip for six years and you have always known. Any questions?”

“Why do you call her Pip?” Fanboy asks, “What's her real name?”

Jake tells them your name. “She always looked so short next to my sister so I called her Pipsqueak. Pip for short.”

After a few more questions everyone walks to their cars and leaves. Phoenix hangs back until it is just her and Jake. “You did the right thing marrying her.” She motions to the red that has not faded from his cheek. “I feel a little bad that I hit you so hard.”

“You could have not hit me at all.”

“Don’t push your luck Hangman.” She walks to her car before turning around. “Rooster’s right though, we’ve got your back.”

#jake hangman seresin #jake hangman x reader #jake seresin/reader #jake seresin x reader #hangman #hangman/reader #top gun hangman #top gun fanfiction #topgun maverick #topgun hangman #hangman topgun #jake seresin

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fatliberation · 11 months

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When We Leave NEDA Behind, Where do We Go?

A Guide by Sharon Maxwell @heysharonmaxwell

NEDA has a long history of harming the communities it is supposed to serve. As we #leaveNEDAbehind, I encourage you to follow the following ED orgs who are committed to serving and supporting ALL folks with eating disorders.

The National Alliance for Eating Disorders

The National Alliance for Eating Disorders (“The Alliance”) is the leading national non-profit organization providing education, referrals, and support for all individuals experiencing eating disorders, as well as their loved ones. The Alliance’s services include:

Educational presentations and training days

Free, weekly therapist-led support groups nationwide (virtual and in-person) for those experiencing eating disorders and for their loved ones

Support and referrals through both a free helpline and comprehensive referral website/app

Direct, low-cost, life-saving, outpatient treatment to underinsured and uninsured adults in the south Florida community.

Unique and empowering Southern Smash scale smashing events and SmashTALK panel discussions.

@alliancefored | #notonemore | allianceforeatingdisorders.com

Project HEAL

Project HEAL (Help to Eat, Accept, and Live)’s mission is to break down systemic, healthcare, and financial barriers to eating disorder healing. Project Heal’s goal is to change the systems and, in the meantime, to provide life-saving support to people with eating disorders who the systems fail.

Project HEAL’s services include:

For those unsure of the next step in their eating disorder healing journey, Project HEAL provides free, impartial Clinical Assessments, followed by a comprehensive report with diagnosis, clinical recommendation, and referrals.

For those struggling to access treatment through their insurance, Project HEAL’s Insurance Navigation Program helps individuals understand their often confusing benefits and advocate on their behalf to get their treatment covered.

Project HEAL connects people to free Treatment Placements through the HEALers Circle, a national network of facilities and providers at every level of care. They also offer paid scholarships with providers with shared identities.

Project HEAL offers one-time Cash Assistance grants of $500-$1,500 to individuals who are unable to afford tertiary costs related to their treatment, i.e., housing and travel costs or insurance deductibles.

Crisis Textline: text HEALING to 741741 | www.theprojectheal.org

FEDUP

FEDUP (Fighting Eating Disorders in Underrepresented Populations) is a collective of trans+, intersex, and gender diverse people who believe eating disorders in marginalized communities are social justice issues. FEDUP’s mission is to make visible, interrupt, and undermine the disproportionately high incidence of eating disorders in trans and gender diverse individuals through radical community healing, recovery institution reform, research, empowerment, and education. FEDUP’s services include:

Support groups: FEDUP Closed Support Group for Gender-Diverse Folx, Support Group for Caregivers and Loved Ones of Trans & Intersex People With Eating Disorders, and Closed Support Group for QTBIPOC With Eds

Listing of FEDUP approved providers of therapy, counseling, nutrition services, and recovery coaches

Educational content about eating disorders

A conference for researchers, advocates, and clinicians in the eating disorder field where all attendees are empowered to participate, share their expertise, and learn from one another so that they can incorporate approaches that work - for our patients, our communities, and ourselves

@fedupcollective | fedupcollective.org

Nalgona Positivity Pride

Nalgona Positivity Pride is an unconventional eating disorder awareness organization that shines a light on the often-overlooked societal factors that perpetuate unrealistic and oppressive beauty and health standards. NPP offers a vial space for BIPOC to celebrate and embrace their bodies and identities. Nalgona Positivity Pride’s services include:

Education, such as public speaking services for universities, mental health and eating disorder organizations, and more as well as social media content

Consulting services for eating disorder providers and women of color entrepreneurs, including social media, branding, and event planning. Also, size diversity, creating eating disorder informed media, eating disorder harm reduction

An eating disorder harm reduction hub, including The EDHR Course and The EDHR Harm Reduction Community Services

2 eating disorder support groups: Sage and Spoon and The Eating Disorder Harm Reduction Community Circle

@nalgonapositivitypride | nalgonapositivitypride.com

Body Reborn

Body Reborn is a restorative space for people of color with disordered eating.

Body Reborn’s services include:

The Healing Collaborative - A free 8-week program for people of color. The program consists of three pillars: (1) Body Liberation, (2) Peer Support, and (3) Lifelong Community.

A non-hierarchical, discussion-driven conference that centers experiences of marginalized people in eating disorder care

@bodyreborn | bodyreborn.org

MEDA

MEDA (Multi-Service Eating Disorders Association) is dedicated to the prevention and compassionate treatment of eating disorders, so that every body has access to recovery and support. MEDA’s services include:

Assessments to individual therapy and groups, tailored treatment referrals. to hight levels of care, skill sessions to hels reach meal and snack goals, and 24/7/365 community available

The Sooner the Better helps communities learn the signs and symptoms of disordered eating, exercise, and body image.

MEDA offers presentations from a skilled mental health clinician on a variety of topics including Body Confidence, Eating Disorders, and Promoting Positive Body Culture in Your Schools and Homes.

MEDA also offers high-level clinical trainings for professionals working with eating disorders whether it is in the field of medicine, mental health, or education.

Annual national conference bringing over 275 people together to discuss the latest in eating disorder research and therapies

“Networking with a Purpose” meetings where clinicians come together to learn about specific aspects of treatment

Two graduate clinical interns are trained at MEDA every year, where they are supervised by clinicians and work directly with clients and loved ones.

@recoverwithmeda | medainc.org

ANAD

ANAD (National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders) provides free peer support to anyone struggling with an eating disorder. ANAD’s services include:

Eating Disorder Peer Support Groups

Recovery Mentorship Program offering free eating disorder support online for those who struggle with eating disorders but are motivated to recover. ANAD mentors are people who have walked the difficult road to recovery from their eating disorder and are recovered for at least 2 years.

Eating Disorder Treatment Directory

ANAD Approach Guides are designed to educate and “guide” its community on a wide range of topics, such as caregiving, pregnancy, binge eating, and navigating life after treatment.

@anadhelp | anad.org

heysharonmaxwell.com | #leaveNEDAbehind

#fuck NEDA #leavnedabehind #eating disorder recovery #ed recovery #tw ed recovery #tw ed

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chronicallycouchbound · 11 months

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Unhoused Solidarity In Action

This is a non-exhaustive list of resources you might have access to, or know of, that can be used to aid unhoused community members directly. Many of these focus on direct mutual aid as individuals but can be helpful to consider when in community organizing settings. - What do you (or someone you know) have access to, that you can provide to the community? - Can they be accessed, used, or provided: regularly, occasionally, only in emergencies, weekly, daily, sporadically, consistently, etc.? - Consider seasonal needs (winter coats don’t help us when it’s 90 degrees out!) - Remember to practice active, informed consent with individuals and ask if these would be helpful! Don’t take it personally if your offer isn’t helpful to someone, it might help someone else. - These should be realistic and not compromise your safety or well-being. Remember to prioritize safety over comfort.

Housing

- Consider your relationship with this person (generally, don’t offer complete strangers into your home)

- Location matters a lot. Unhoused people often need to be near “hubs”/cities, close to resources and systems of care.

- Some people can’t live in hotels, couch surf, or any of these options without losing their housing vouchers, and in some cases health insurance or other assistance programs. Legal definitions of homelessness (used by voucher programs) usually don’t include people living in hotels/motels, or couch surfing (including most of these options). Check with the individual to see if this might be helpful.

Extra bedrooms

Campers, trailers

Couches

Apartments

Land/yards to camp on, park at, etc.

Donate funds or points for a hotel room

Shelters

Floor space

Safe parking lots to sleep in your car in (sleeping in your car is considered legal homelessness in most places)

Time

- Emotional capacity and minimizing the risk of burnout are important here especially

Do outreach with a community org

File for grants

Provide education materials

Share knowledge regarding resources

Emotional support - build genuine connections with your local unhoused neighbors

Reach out to companies for donations

Create or add to lists of resources, open bathrooms, etc.

Transportation

- One of the biggest barriers to accessing existing resources is transportation (also mailing addresses, internet access, and active phone service)

Personal car, ride-sharing/carpooling

Bus tickets/passes

Old/not frequently used bikes

Taxi services/vouchers

Uber/Lift gift cards

Carpooling

Coordinate rides for people

Food

- A lot of unhoused people prefer “comfort foods” to “health foods” - Ask about dietary restrictions, the cooking ability of the unhoused person, the cooking equipment, etc. - Soft foods are frequently more accessible to us as dental issues are very common - 100$ in fast food is significantly less than 100$ in homemade food

Can cook hot meals

Can pay for meals

Knows someone (person, business) who can supply food

Inviting people over for a meal

Gifting food (be sure to be considerate of dietary restrictions, cooking ability, equipment needed to cook, etc.)

Have a community dunkin gift card

Make or add to a fruit tree map (fallingfruit.org, community gardens, federal university campuses)

Money

- Money should be freely given, with no strings attached - Ask what form works best for them— cash apps/virtual, physical cash, gift cards, quarters, etc.

It is best to provide cash donations directly to impacted individuals (or organizations) with no strings attached

Provide relevant, local chain store gift cards (Grocery stores, coffee shops, restaurants)

Coordinate fundraisers

Apply for grants

Supplies

- Ask individuals what they need most!

Purchase and donate supplies directly to individuals or organizations

Reach out to businesses

Donate old phones or computers

Add someone to your family phone plan

Donate professional clothes for interviews

Donate an outfit you would actually wear

Talents, Trades, Skills

Your hobbies might be helpful! Crochet is extremely trendy right now (easy to learn, you could make hats/scarves for community members)!

Professional ties/experience Examples: You’re a cosmetologist who can do free haircuts for an hour each week, or you’re a graphic designer who can create a website for an organization for free, or you’re a nurse who can provide wound care to encampments

Community gardens

Connect with and partner with non-profits or community-based organizations in your area (or help start one if there’s none!)

Allow people to use you as a reference for job interviews

Bathrooms

- Not just toilets, but showers and mirrors are important too

Ask businesses to pledge to have open, public, accessible, and free restrooms

Your personal restroom

Make a list of local public restrooms

Free gym memberships or add someone to a gym plan

Services

- In order to access most services, you need most, if not all, of the following: transportation, identification, important paperwork, printing/faxing access, mailing addresses, internet access, active phone service, free time during business hours, and emotional and mental ability (and capacity) to complete everything required (forms, applications, phone calls, interviews, annual reviews, verifications) in a timely manner (usually on a strict deadline)

Case management experience you can volunteer

Peer support for service navigation (great option for people with prior lived experience)

Advocacy within services

Offer to provide a P.O. box or use your address to receive mail

Housing skills

Allow someone to use your library card for books, computers, the internet, etc. (most libraries won’t allow unhoused people to get a library card)

Volunteer at a shelter

Allow someone to use your home wifi, printer, phone number, mailbox, email, etc.

Fundraising

- If you can’t donate your own personal funds, fundraising is a great way to help out

Community mutual aid asks (in person or online)

Art walks

Skate competition

Concerts

Tip jar

Gift basket raffle

Clothing and food drive

Game tourney

Live streams

Start a GoFundMe for individuals/orgs

I strongly encourage you to look over the matching slides I created for this workshop: https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1VDngImsMByUFmKX611zAJ43a0UcYIfMBxrbh_g1IJvc/edit

As a disclaimer: I have been homeless/unhoused for over half of my life. My experiences of homelessness have included while being a infant, toddler, young child, preteen, teenager, and young adult. I am 24 years old. My most recent experience of being unhoused was last year, and I am currently precariously housed (meaning: at high risk of losing housing again). My experiences of homelessness have included sleeping outside in a tent, sleeping on park benches and under freeways, walking around all night to avoid hypothermia and freezing to death (something that has happened to several of my friends), couch surfing, sleeping in cars, squatting, sleeping in motels, living in a shelter, and institutionalized. I have been homeless with family a few times during early childhood and again when I was 15. All of my other experiences of homelessness have been on my own starting at age 9 or 10, and the last time I lived with a parent I was 16. I have been homeless in both rural and urban areas. I have been homeless in New England/Northeast United States as well as the Pacific Northwest.

In addition to this, I have many contributing factors to my experience, including being disabled, a person of color, trans, queer, a survivor of child abuse and CSA, being trafficked, and a drug user and a SWer, amongst other marginalized experiences.

That being said: my experience of being unhoused/homeless is not the universal experience. While I know many people of all different demographics who I’ve met on the streets, I cannot speak to every single person’s experiences. I especially cannot speak to experiences outside of the United States, aside from what I hear secondhand.

This is meant to serve as a general guide to accompany a workshop I created, and might not be helpful for everyone. If it’s not helpful, I hope it inspires others to offer creative solutions. I’m always working on expanding this list. Thank you for reading.

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aut2imagineart · 21 days

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This is concept art for the remaining members of the mermaid pirate's crew. As a refresher, these guys to be part of the Gladius universe and thus come from different versions of Earth (including ours) that merged together in the Great Chaos. I'm imagining the pirate crew as a whole to be antagonists toward the main cast of the Gladius story. Here's a quick rundown of the featured members.

Cook: Silent and imposing, the Cook is an Umibozu and the largest member of the mermaid pirate's crew. In water he can grow to three times his base height (over 10m) which makes him incredibly useful for attacking ships. Despite his monstrous appearance, he is a remarkable talented chief, utilizing ingredients stolen from the crew's targets or harvested from the ocean itself.

Helmsman: As a troll, the Helmsman is not the brightest mind but has proven to be highly reliable and quickly picked up on how to operate the crew's vessel. He rarely leaves the vessel due to the danger sunlight poses to him thus he also acts as security on the vessel should trespassers manage to get on board.

Boatswain: Generally called "Bosun" by the crew, he is a variant of intelligent Troodontid that is larger and more aggressive than the more common variants. He is the second member to join the mermaid pirate's crew (after the first mate) and is fiercely loyal to her. His role on the crew is managing the vessel's equipment and the crew to insure everything is in order. Of the crew members he is perhaps the most feared and along with the Helmsman provides security on the vessel itself.

Deckhands: the youngest members of the crew, all three of them originated from our version of Earth and had known each other since the Great Chaos (which took place 10 years prior to Gladius's story events). Instead of specific roles, they assist other crew members with their tasks. Virtually inseparable, the three of them developed fighting styles that complement each other. One is swift and attacks with twin blades, another is a tank who delivers devastating punches, and the third is highly tactical and attacks with ranged weapons while coordinating the other two.

I want to draw what their vessel looks like but I think I'll work on some other things first.

As always, comments and critiques are welcome.

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hccn-overseer · 1 year

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Issue 5, 5/17/2023 - The Overseer

Issue Masterpost About the Overseer

This week has shown the Hermitcitizen Hub settling into a rhythm, with an art compilation being created for the lovely ZombieCleo's birthday! Citizens are also encouraged to apply for mod, as more are welcomed! Please check announcements for more details. On to the news!

The Employment Guide to Season 9 and What to Put on Your Resume to Get The Job

By Winter

You may be wondering like I did a few months ago, “How do I get paid? Will I have anything to retire on?” The answer to all your financial questions will be answered by someone who did a little bit of digging to find the answer to the eternal question. So here is a step by step guide on what businesses will pay you.

At Number One we have Az’s bakery. You help her bake, and just generally help out. The one caveat is that you cannot eat the batter. Under no circumstances.

Coming in at Number Two we have Grian. Grian will pay you to work at any one of his many Un-Grianproof areas. You do have to be able to not be afraid of the dark, possibly perishing, and overall weirdness. You will be paid in life insurance and grian orbs.

Coming in at Number Three we have SUS. Scar Unsafe Services will pay you to mess with SSS, SUS pays you in whatever you can find in SSS’s chests. A quote from one of the members reads “We do not claim responsibility for anything that may happen if you choose this payment option”. They also pay in free mob farms.

Coming in at Number Four on the opposite end of the spectrum you have SSS who will pay you handsomely. Yes I repeat, HANDSOMELY to light up very dangerous things. The pay rate will go up depending on the difficulty.

Coming in at Number Five we have The Hermitcraft Recap. As a member of the recap filming team, the recap definitely pays you. You have the ability to live on sight and you are given 3 meals per day. If you are like me and don’t live in the recap housing units, then you get compensated in what you may ask, Health Insurance, and a diamond a month.

Coming in at Number Six we have Beef’s TCG shop. You get paid in TCG cards and learn the skills necessary. That’s pretty much it.

Coming in at Number Seven we have Impulse’s Mega Base. You will not be paid at IBuy. At the mega base you will be paid in the diamonds you dig up. You may also get some cool ores.

Coming in at Number Eight we have Mumbo K(illsalot) Jumbo. As he is the richest hermit you will get paid, in what who knows. You get paid in diamonds, and A LOT of work holidays. Last this writer heard the Mumbo Affiliates went on a BIG biking holiday.

And finally The Overseer. This writer can confirm….

…

THAT YOU DON’T GET PAID.

In all honesty, I have been paid in the experience of a lifetime, and we also get baked goods so pretty nice. You also do get paid in fun times.

Now onto other news below the cut!

Weekly Weather Report

By Virtual

Note: If any of our readers are rich and generous, we ask for assistance in paying Rainy’s ransom. The kidnappers' identity is still unknown, but leaving a pile of diamonds on the doorstep of the Overseer offices may be enough to reach them.

Thursday - STORMS, hail expected between 3 PM and 5 PM (GMT). Helmets are suggested for all those working outdoors.

Friday - PARTLY CLOUDY, 75% chance of Doc messing with Grian and Scar. Citizens near Scarland and Grian’s rocks advised to watch for anvils and charged creepers.

Saturday - CLOUDY, fog expected around Zedaph’s base between 1 AM and 10 AM (GMT). Reduced visibility may obscure ledges, increasing risk of death by fall damage.

Sunday - RAINY, hordes of Drowned expected around Spawn Town. Watch for tridents from every direction.

Monday - SUNNY, high temperatures expected to reach 36 Celsius by 11 AM (GMT). Dry areas at risk of wildfires.

Tuesday - SUNNY, high heat continues. Citizens advised to carry water and watch for signs of heatstroke.

Wednesday - WINDY, elytra flight may become unsustainable at high altitudes.

Additional Notes: Increasingly strange copper structures expected to appear around Grian and Mumbo’s bases throughout the week. Citizens are to continue working around them as normal. Do not attempt to wax the copper.

Astrology Corner

[The Horrorscope Theme - Intro]

WINTER The Overseer Presents The Horrorscope Edition 5 [The Magnus Archives Theme – Intro - Continues]

WINTER Test… Test… Test… 1, 2, 3... Right. (Sounds of Winter clearing her throat) My name is Winter. I work for the Horrorscope, Astral Library, an organizsation dedicated to academic research into the esoteric and the Paranormal.

I work for the Horrorscope and have been asked by my superiors to record my thoughts on the coming week. I have been working at the Horrorscope for a few weeks and have not got to voice my thoughts so far. As of current we have ten cases still ongoing.

Statement begins.

(Pause)

Our first case is of the star sign Gemini… While searching through the previous weeks records I noticed that star sign was advised to invest in (disgust) Etho Heads. While this may seem merely harmless, it seems foolhardy to invest in something that multiple people already have invested in. While Etho Heads may make great gifts for family members off server, this reporter suggests ridding yourself of these interesting collectables, if anything give a few to the Hermit known by ZombieCleo.

(Pause)

(Sound of Winter taking a breath)

Our second case is of the star sign Cancer. Cancer was suggested previously to fight GeminiTay. The same week an obituary was released of one of the Cancers. A suggestion for the Hermit Citizens under the star sign of cancer is to invest in life insurance.

(Pause)

Our third case is of the star sign Leo. Leo is often associated with the symbolism of a lion and the colour red. According to one record, Leo was described as “Lucky” for this year. I doubt the likelihood of that occurring. To improve the chances of this happening, it is suggested to obtain a lion, and then set it free in a friend's house.

(Pause)

Our fourth case is of the star sign Virgo… Virgo was advised previously to follow a Joe Hills certified beauty tutorial. While this was previously suggested, it is now suggested to spend time away from the entity, and other paranormal beings.

(Pause)

(Sounds of the newsroom, brown noise if you will)

The crew seem up in arms about something, however that is not my business, my business is delivering this to the listener.

(Pause)

Let’s get back to business.

(Sounds of Winter taking a breath in and out)

In the case of Libra it has been written down that they should bring an umbrella with them and open the umbrella up in inconvenient moments. The rest of the suggestion is scribbled out, with some words, which are indistinguishable.

(Sounds of Winter flipping through pages)

(Beat)

For Scorpio it seems as if they are suggested to start pooling diamonds?? together. So sorry for the confusion but I cannot understand for the life of me what is written here.

(Sounds of Winter flipping through even more pages)

For Sagittarius it is suggested that they have-

(sounds of a wet being squelching up beside the recording device)

(Sounds of a thud before the sound of Winter slumping onto the ground)

(Static)

Editor's Note: This transcription was not written by the editor. Due to its disturbing nature, the editor would like to exclude it but it is above her pay grade (the pay grade being nothing at all). Sincerest apologies.

The Birdhouse

By Azure

Citizens may have taken notice of many avian and bird-adjacent persons flocking to a treehouse in the forest near the shopping district. One of our interviewers, Azure, has spoke with some of the avians who often use the birdhouse for more information on this new gathering area.

1. What is your favorite part of the bird house? Z: I'd say its how inviting everyone I've met here so far have been! Budgie: Similarly, I like the closeness of it. It doesn’t matter who you are or where you’re from, an avian is an avian Raven: Definitely [the living room], it so comfy and I may or may not have not left it in weeks except to necessities due to that

2. Who built it? Z: I don't actually know that one, do you know who built it? Budgie: Well, when I got here, nobody really knew, either. It just kind of… existed. A lot of the accommodations and decorations you see were brought in after we settled. We’ve built crash-landing pads around the entrances, we’ve put ladders for those who can’t fly… I believe we changed some of the glass to stained glass so nobody would run into it. While it doesn’t change how I view the Birdhouse, I would certainly like to know who to thank for this building, it’s provided such a welcoming community Raven: No, not really. It's just kind of always been here.*

3. How did you find the bird house? Z: I just got here recently, and after getting a home set up i just- went looking for some community, and heard there was one for avians. I’m glad i looked into it Budgie: I was on my way home from working when I flew past it, I saw what looked like an avian-based build, so I got curious. I wanted to explore, but I didn’t know others were inside until I stumbled upon them. I believe it was Pen and Nerd I found… Raven: Oh, I was out flying a while back and it caught my eye. I went it to check it out and I haven't really left since than

4. Roughly how many citizens are living there and how big is the Birdhouse? Pen: None of us live here per se, at least I don't think so! We all just come around to hang with each other, this is a space to meet other Avians after all. The birdhouse is quite big, that's for sure, quite accommodating too. Can't tell you the exact amount of avians that come by, the amount varies everyday and I'm personally sure I haven't met them all yet Budgie: I’ve so far met… maybe 10 other avians? I’m not sure how many of us actually live here, but many of us will stay the night on occasion! We have a designated ‘comfort’ area for nests and other sleeping arrangements. Z: I’ve only met about 4 so far, 6 counting these two (referring to Pen and Eagle)

6. Is there anything else you'd like to mention about the Birdhouse? Eagle: Well it’s a very nice community space and we’ve kind of formed a flock here. I won’t name names, but some of us can be very bad at remembering to preen or have never learned how, so a lot of times another avian will offer them help. And the avians here are always welcoming, even if I haven’t quite met all of them yet. Budgie: The Birdhouse is always open— I don’t think there will be a time where anyone would be turned away, We’re a welcoming community. As I’ve said before, an avian is an avian. It doesn’t matter if they’ve got full wings or lost or damaged ‘em, they’ll always be welcome to settle in. Pen: I'd say that the Birdhouse is a great place for everyone, especially the birds, it's... I'd have to admit, it's very nice to have a place filled with others that can understand you, ya know? Still working things out and hopefully more things could be added for the others, like how the stairs are a recent addition for those that are grounded. Can't wait to see how this place grows honestly. Z: I've only really been here a very short while, but from what i've seen and heard from the others here, the birdhouse seems like a sort of safe space, and i'm just really glad i joined here

*Editor's Note: The Birdhouse was designed by Morph and built by Redfeather. Canonically, whoever built the basis of the Birdhouse is not definitively known but many other avians helped make the Birdhouse what it is today. You can find a tour of the Birdhouse here.

Lost and Found

By Virtual

The following items were brought in from across the server this week. As nobody knows who they belong to, they have been categorized as lost. If you recognize any of the following, or would like to report a lost item, do reach out to us at [email protected]*

*not a real email address

Item 1: An iron sword that has rusted up to the hilt, found buried in the desert. The sword was excavated by a citizen collecting sand for a mega project. Despite its poor condition, the sword appeared to have full durability and whistled when swung, as though it was extremely sharp. Tests have shown that the sword is exactly as sharp as it sounds, and it is now being kept safe in a leather scabbard in the Lost and Found office, where it has temporarily become a coat rack. If the sword belongs to you, we hope you are up to date on your tetanus shot before you come collect it.

Item 2: A book with a yellow cover, found in Welsknight’s base. Nearly imperceptible patterns weave their way through the fabric cover of this book. The pattern seems to have no beginning or end, and when we attempted to find one, we found the shapes repeated infinitely, like fractals. This cover appears to have been layered over an older leather binding, which peeked out when the book was opened. The inside cover did contain a bookplate, but the name of the library it came from was too smudged to make out. The book itself contained no words, only a series of impossible mazes that bled over onto each consecutive page, creating a hundred page long infinite spiraling puzzle. If this book belongs to you, perhaps you can show us the solution.

Item 3: An amulet in the shape of a stylized eye, found in the Overseer Offices. The sound of running tape spills from the amulet at a steady volume. When a citizen listened closely, they could hear a voice layered beneath the static. They reported an unmistakable feeling that, whoever this is, they are talking directly to the listener. Their words are faint and unintelligible, but their tone and repetition strikes a sense of urgency. They are trying to tell you something. Can you hear the whisper? Come to the Overseer offices, and listen closely. Maybe you can pass on the message.

Spectating Science: Ravagers and Environmental Behavior in Decked Out

Recorded by Cirrus, the Shoebill

Scientific studies of the Hermit Citizen Hub have been steadily developing over the course of the past month, allowing insight into subjects that have drawn both applied researchers and their fellow citizens towards a dedicated journey of curiosity. These growing developments include but are not limited to observing mob behavior, the radiation of The Perimeter, the transformative effects of The Rift, the fungal nature of the Sculk and its symptoms of infection, the possible existence of The Watchers and their relation to their citizens, and experiments related to the enigmatic Zedvancements.

This edition of Spectating Science focuses on the behavior and care of Ravagers, several of which are heavily integrated into the up-and-coming dungeon crawler game, Decked Out, and features an interview with its highly experienced laboratory technician and beast keeper, Redfeather.

Redfeather, a researcher who specializes in the fields of mob biology, health, and behavior, also keeps watch over a variety of experiments focused specifically on animals and has been working as an applied scientist for two seasons. After several months of assisting other prominent figures with their experiments, Redfeather conducts his own calculated routines of Ravager observation, care, and experimental study.

Ravagers play a vital role in Decked Out, as they are used to increase the game’s difficulty and instill a fearful sense of urgency in its participants. Originally herded by the creator of the dungeon, Tango Tek, these creatures are known to be aggressive towards players and notoriously bloodthirsty, making them a perfect addition to the intended pulse-pumping chases of Decked Out. Despite their brash demeanor, those who are persistent enough to study their instinctual reactions to an ever-changing internal environment have brought an intriguing perspective.

The following interview with Redfeather was recorded on May 12th, at approximately 8:45 AM in The Birdhouse by Cirrus, the Shoebill.

“Good morning, Feather! Have a seat and tell us where your work hails from. How long have you been an applied scientist?”

“Well, I’m just a lab tech, I work odd jobs here and there, mostly taking care of experiments and other captive mobs, feeding them, recording any growth, monitoring health issues, and recording their behavior in studies! I’ve been working as a scientist for two seasons.”

“Please, elaborate on what makes you passionate about your work. Our listeners [and readers] and I are enamored with any enthusiasm.”

“I’m especially passionate about studying mob behavior. For example, the way Ravagers react in a controlled environment is fascinating!”

“Ravagers, such rambunctious creatures. Have you made any particularly notable discoveries about their behavioral changes, perhaps related to their environment, in this case, or their keepers?”

“Well, for example, their varied reactions can depend a lot on different variables! Depending on the keeper, their past experiences, how hungry they are, the space they’re in, temperature, the presence of other Ravagers, they can be wildly different in their levels of aggression! Sometimes they can seem downright cuddly! Of course, you must always still exercise caution with an unpredictable animal. Illagers may ride them, but they are far from tame.”

“Bulls of their own unruly destiny, they’re not to be tamed by those who dismiss their spirited minds. You say they can be quite affectionate, yes? What are the ideal conditions that could bring them into such a state?”

“I’ve yet to arrive at a precise conclusion, however, I can draw a pretty confident line between docility and whether you have food. Also, if they have recently quenched their bloodthirst, they seem to enjoy a bit of ‘celebration’ so to speak. Other Ravagers treat them with more respect for having won the hunt. Also, while not great for their general mood, a Ravager in a smaller space is less likely to attack right away, granting you the opportunity to distract it with food. Thus, why letting them out of the stable right at feeding time is the perfect time to sneak in pets. They also love a good brushing, providing you can get close enough.”

“Bloodlust for Ravagers, it can’t be removed any more easily than a decaying body seven feet into a bog, after all. A sociological development of a hierarchy among these creatures must be more intricate than those of mere slow cows and sheep if respect for victors is considered imperative to their moods. You have an observant instinct about you to notice such previously undiscovered details. Now, you’re also affectionate towards them from a domestic pet standpoint, just a smidge, from what you mention about brushing them. What is it about them that draws you in with such a sensitive approach?”

"Yes, well, I am one of the keepers as well and have taken on the job of making sure their health is well as they live in Decked Out. I have grown fond of them, though they, I think, feel less towards me and are fonder of the food I bring. Nevertheless, they enjoy their pets and brushes at least as much as a picky cat enjoys being pampered. And that prickliness is what draws me in, I suppose. It's lovable in a way to see them go after their prey so enthusiastically!"

“Cats, what an intriguing comparison. Chasing and devouring their prey gives them a common ground with many, I suppose Ravagers included. Being in such a controlled environment as this ‘Decked Out,’ I suspect, requires Ravagers to relearn their instinctual routines to freely roam. Did you and the keepers work to build a Pavlovian response to their controlled living quarters?”

“For right now, I can say that the Pavlovian response is clearly observed when bringing food, however, for their bloodlust, no additional training is needed! They will go after the keepers or testers or developers alike.”

“Listeners [and readers], take note. Feather, have you recorded any developing changes in the behavior of any other mobs?”

“The only other mobs in the dungeon are the Vex, and they are very instinctual, familiar with Ravagers, and are only let out on occasion when the runner is out of time.”

“Decked Out runners, your time is fleeting from the moment you enter, in that case. Now, if you were to attempt to socialize these controlled Ravagers with other mobs, do you think that they could co-exist in that same environment in Decked Out?”

“I believe other mobs would adapt quickly, given they don't have any natural hostilities aside from Villagers and Iron Golems.”

“Excellent for them! How about if they were to live among each other in the wild? Are they too far changed in this environment to readjust to living in the wild, say, if Decked Out does not last forever?”

“I'm unaware of any extant wild Ravagers aside from their cousins, the cows, but given their natural herding instinct, they would likely do just fine on the plains. The future of Decked Out after the game is currently quite uncertain, but I'm certain we could free the Ravagers at the end for some fun."

“The release of these capricious Ravagers will certainly receive quite the fanfare! […] Each and every second of your time in this interview is one I am grateful to have shared with you. Those are all of the questions I have for you at this time, though I have no doubt that another interview will come along your way in the future.”

“Pleasure to have you! Yes, I can't help but invite you back when you please, not for work, but as a fellow avian! This place is both for the community as well as for avians to be themselves. Have a good day!”

Spectating Science would like to thank Redfeather for providing such a detailed perspective on the idiosyncrasies of these bull-like creatures! We invite any applied researchers to bring forth any growing developments that they would like to share in this segment and look for Cirrus, the Shoebill, for an interview about themselves and their work. In addition, tangents and rambles are more than welcome. No discovery is too small, and it is never too late to teach your fellow citizens something new!

[If you would like to be interviewed for Spectating Science, please look for Cirrus’s Citizen I.D. Card in the Discord server and leave a note for them.]