#It took too long.....I wanted to finish it during lesbian visibility week BUT I WAS TOO SLOW

[ptanalo]

being held by your chimera gf

[writethehousedown]

Got me losin' all my cool (Crygi) - Mar

A/N: First fic I’ve done in years! Any feedback is welcome.

The sun shone brightly through the window, directly into Crystal’s eyes. It fed the headache she could feel growing with every squeak of chalk on the blackboard, every droning word that left her teacher’s mouth. Ten a.m. and she was already done with school.

Crystal was holding a pen, but every time she thought she understood the lesson enough to reflect it on paper, the teacher moved on to a new concept and Crystal’s fragile understanding crumbled down. Three attempts later, Crystal gave up on the entire lesson and resigned herself to relying on someone else’s notes. She studied her classmates, trying to figure out who would be willing to help her out. She didn’t really have friends in the class, but maybe…

Crystal looked a few desks over to the girl sitting at the front of the class, hair gathered up neatly in a ponytail, face propped on her left fist. Her pen hadn’t stopped moving since class started.

Gigi Goode was not her friend. Up until the previous week, their relationship was limited to the moments when Crystal would feel brave enough to wave at her and Gigi would wave back, giving her a half-smile so pretty that Crystal had to look away every time. That was it. Crystal was pretty sure the girl didn’t even know her name.

But then.

Then, the class had got paired up for an essay, and God had decided to be funny.

“You’ll need to write fifteen hundred words, more or less, including the conclusion,” said the teacher. “Now, for the teams, uhh… left side of the class, write your names in pieces of paper, then put them in this jar, c’mon.” At that, he grabbed the chalk jar off his desk and emptied it, then handed it to the nearest student to pass around.

Crystal tried to be discreet, but she couldn’t stop sneaking glances at the front of the class, where Gigi Goode was ripping off a bit of paper from her notebook. Crystal knew better than to hope. There were twenty three people in her class, and she had twelve potential partners, which meant… eight percent? She had an eight-ish percent chance of getting paired with the girl she couldn’t stop looking at. It was a very low number.

Do I even want her as my partner?, she thought. At the time, Gigi was a nice distraction during a boring class, something to look forward to on Wednesday mornings. By spending time with her, by having their first real conversation, really, Crystal risked ruining a perfectly nice crush. What if Gigi was secretly mean? Although she didn’t seem like the type. Crystal had seen her happily chatting with Jan Mantione many times. Jan was too kind to befriend a mean girl.

God, what if she was boring? That would be depressing. If Gigi was the type to call everything a “meme”, or if she tried to show her a joke she found on Instagram that Crystal had seen on Twitter six months ago… Maybe they wouldn’t have anything to talk about, maybe Crystal would forget everything she knew about the subject and look stupid, maybe-

Her thoughts were interrupted by the kid behind her tapping her gently on the shoulder with the name jar. Crystal smiled her thanks and took the jar, and a folded strip of paper from it. It’s no big deal. It’s no big deal. She unfolded the name, and… oh.

Gigi had really pretty handwriting.

  Crystal noticed that her classmates were moving around and finding their partners, so she stood up and walked to the front of the class, where Gigi was looking around, waiting to be approached.

“Umm, Gigi?”

“Crystal, hey!” said Gigi. Okay, so she did know her name.

“I got you. Your name, I mean.” Smooth.

“Oh, good! I was hoping I’d get you.”

“Really?” asked Crystal, a little shocked.

“Really. You seem cool, and I know you have a high grade in this class. You’re my perfect partner,” she explained, again flashing her million watt smile.

What the fuck… what the fuck…

“Oh, uh, great, then! Great…” Crystal trailed off, but she thought she deserved a medal for even replying, at all. She looked at Gigi and noticed the girl was staring at her, expectantly.

“What?” she asked, dumbly.

Gigi smiled and leaned in.

“The essay?”

“Oh my God, right. So, how do you wanna tackle this? Library after school?”

“Let’s go to my place, instead. My mom can pick us up and you can stay for dinner, if we need more time.”

Gigi didn’t ask questions, she just laid out plans and expected the masses to follow. And they did.

“Oh, sure, that sounds good. I, um, should I give you my number?” Nice, Crystal.

“Yes! Here,” said Gigi, handing over her phone.

Crystal typed her number under the name “Crystal” and saved the contact. Then, she went back and added “(from school)”.

The bell rang and Gigi started gathering her things. “Meet me in the parking lot at the end of the day, okay?”

“See you then,” said Crystal. There was really no denying Gigi’s smile and directness, her unwavering confidence.

In her defence, the plan worked. Gigi’s mom was funny and loud, throwing quips back and forth with her daughter and making Crystal feel at ease the moment she got in the car. The Goode house was big enough that the girls could discuss their ideas loudly when they got excited (which happened often), and play music at top volume (Gigi had an actual CD player, and The Cranberries’ entire discography, to Crystal’s delight.)

They ended up working together for five hours, which gave Crystal plenty of opportunity to make a fool of herself, and she more than delivered. But Gigi just kept laughing at everything that came out of her mouth, and after a while, Crystal understood that she was being laughed with, not at. Gigi genuinely found her funny.

Crystal did end up staying for dinner, even though their work was finished. Crystal and Gigi set the table in perfect coordination, as if they did it every day, and Crystal felt warm at the notion and dumb at the feeling.

You talked today for the first time. Calm down, lesbian.

But the Goode family didn’t make it easy either, with their welcoming attitude and the way they teased Crystal like they’d known her forever. She felt comfortable there, and once her dad picked her up, all she could think about was that she wished the essay had taken longer.

A week later, they were back at square one, like nothing had happened. Gigi still waved in the hallways and Crystal maybe held eye contact for longer but that was just scratching the surface of what Crystal wanted. Namely, to be asked out. But she’d fucked up monumentally by not getting Gigi’s number when she had the chance, and Crystal’s suave move of putting her contact in Gigi’s phone had gone to waste, because Gigi had not texted her. Crystal was not about to talk to her in person about the weather or whatever people talked to their crushes about. High school sports. Locker decoration or something.

Asking for notes, however, was a logical and not at all suspicious reason to approach someone. The bell rang, people started leaving. This mission had a ticking clock. She could do it, she could talk to Gigi as long as she had a goal and an opening line thought out. She was doing this, she was getting out of her chair, she was walking to the front of the class and it was a bad idea Crystal turn back turn back turn-

And she was at Gigi’s desk.

Gigi noticed her and slammed her notebook shut with a pencil still inside.

“Hi, Crys!”

Any weirdness Crystal may have noticed on the girl was completely swept from Crystal’s mind by that nickname.

“Hey, Geeg.” That’s good, that’s casual. Crystal leaned against the empty desk next to Gigi’s. “So, I completely blanked the entire class. I wanted to ask if you’d lend me your notes?”

Gigi’s face fell a little. “Oh.”

“Only if you want, of course!” Crystal was quick to add, “You totally don’t have to, you probably need your notebook, and- forget I asked.”

“No, no, Crystal, it’s not that. It’s just, I- I also didn’t take any notes, so. Seems we’re on the same boat, ha ha.”

“Oh, sorry!” Hold on. “I saw you writing a lot, were you just fooling Mister Crawley?”

Gigi looked down to her pencils and whispered, “No, I was, uh, drawing.”

“You draw?” Crystal asked, suddenly excited. “I love drawing, I draw all the time!”

“I know that,” whispered Gigi.

“What?”

“I said, I don’t like this drawing, really, so I don’t wanna show it.”

“I feel like that all the time about my drawings. I like to think it’s because I’m improving, but who knows!”

“You get it,” said Gigi.

“Well, do you wanna go get someone else’s notes? Since we both missed the class.”

Gigi visibly perked up. “Sure! Let’s go.”

When Crystal turned to go get her things, she kicked Gigi’s desk and her pencils and notebook fell to the ground, open at the page where Gigi had left a pencil. The pencil rolled under the teacher’s desk, but Crystal didn’t notice because her eyes were fixed on the drawings on the page.

She recognized those lips. She recognized that nose, she recognized that hair.

She recognized herself.

Gigi dropped to the floor and scurried to close the notebook.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, clutching her notebook to her chest and not looking up.

Crystal lowered herself to the floor and laid her hand in between their bodies.

“Can I see?”

Gigi’s head shot up and she stared at Crystal in shock.

“You weren’t meant to see that.”

“I mean, you don’t have to show me, but from what I could see, you made me really cute,” said Crystal, smiling wide.

Gigi seemed to pick up on Crystal’s good intentions and smiled back. “I just draw what I see,” she said, handing Crystal the open notebook.

“Cheeky.”

Crystal studied the drawing, running her finger through the lines. It really was good.

“You got my hair exactly right. Even the color.”

“You’re being weirdly chill about this. Most people would freak out, I assume.”

Crystal shrugged. “No need to freak out over this. I’m honestly flattered, I didn’t realize you spend so much time looking at me,” she teased.

Gigi laughed and took her notebook back. “Shut up! I don’t, you just have a memorable face.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment!”

“It is.”

The girls stared at each other for a moment, until Crystal broke the silence.

“Although, you missed my freckles, and the eyes are too big. You should look at me some more, maybe after school at the milkshake place down the block?”

Gigi blinked a few times.

“That was smooth as fuck. I was hoping you’d have the gall to ask me out sometime this year,” she teased.

“You know, I was nervous to do it before, but you really showed your hand today, so I figured it’s my turn to embarrass myself.”

“Fuck you,” said Gigi, with the biggest smile.

“Sure. Not in school, though. We’ll see how this date goes.”

[huntsman-ash]

RWBY V8E2 LiveThoughts

And now, for episode 2; same deal as last time, spoilers for this weeks episode. 

RT getting a wee bit too real with the “curfew in effect” sign on the side of that building in the opening. Least here its a visible noticeable threat and not Corona. Still.

Oh, heh. “Hope has no place here.” Always did love that line. But that might just be the grimdark fan in me.

Overall Im not a huge fan of this seasons opening, it doesnt sound as melodic as the last couple ones. More...chaotic. I think thats intentionally but Im still not a fan.

Dude, Qrow, thats unsanitary. Seriously, clean that shit off. You’re gonna get like, tetnus or something.

And Robyn complaining to Qrow. I mean shes not WRONG but at the same time SHE was the one who decided to pass out during the crash. Dont go throwing blame around Hill, you were just as useless and dumb as everyone but Tyrian in that whole section of last season.

Correction, shes talking to Jasque Scnee who is SOMEHOW in the same prison as they are. Additional; hardlight cells with no visible emitters, no toilet or other commodities. This must be a holding cell of some kind. Unless the bed they all have is ALSO a toilet. Ew.

Yeah you sure about that Schnee? Indirect murder is still murder.

Whh...WATTS IS IN HERE TOO?! WHAT THE FUCK IRONWOOD. You dont have a maximum security like, ICEBOX lock up? Dude this is just ASKING for trouble.

Watt’s black eye is still there. Maybe there is something to him not having his aura fully unlocked. Or...something else. Im really confused about that.

Odd cell structure. Impromptu? Or is this whole room just modular. Cause its WAY too big to house just this many prisoners. Im getting the feeling this is impromtu, yeah.

Schnee thinks hes getting out, sucker. 

Mad props to the Atlas soldier for the brutality. NOW HIT HIM AGAIN.  Robyns smirk gives me life.

And Qrow suggests Operation Valkyrie. Im down. Ironwoods proven useless at this point, maybe his replacement will be more tactically viable.

Alright, Atlas has pulled all military forces out of Mantle. Guess that means Ash and CAMO would be out too. Officially anyway. Making note for future threads...

Cute about the news guy, but I LOVE the fact you can hear the former masculinity in May’s voice here, like she isnt fully finished transitioning. If its intentional, bravo. If not, still cool.

“Its time to show your teeth, Mantle.”  HELL FUCKING YES THATS THE KINDA SHIT IVE BEEN WANTING TO HEAR!

Ah and there’s the hoverbikes from the teasers. I really dont get why they’re so goddamn big. Surely you can miniatruize hovertech...right?

They’re big enough to have weapons installed IMO. They should have.

Ah okay here’s the rest of the trailer

Hey look more lesbians. Boy that one on the left is MAD.

I cannot believe these Grimm are dumb enough to not go AROUND the dropwall (and Im going to call it that until I get something else, its literally the equipment from Halo Infinite’s release trailer). I get Grimm are dumb but damn bro.

Ah okay, THATS the split. All the faunus live in the slums down in the crater. Mantle proper is the mid-level, and then Atlas is humans for the most part. As far as I can tell anyway. Literal stratification. 

Ugh, that whole conversation was so expositiony. Jesus fucking christ.

Holy shit this crews moving slow. Like, good fucking lord.

Personaly headcanon; that tiny fox toy Oscar rides past on his bike is later retreived by Ash. That is actually his bootprint on it too oddly enough.

Unity in this situation, Ozpin? Not likely. What you need is miltiary intervention and firepower.

Still not sure why there’s smokestacks in Mantle if everything on Remnant runs on Dust. Maybe its steam vents for the heating system.

So the Crater is literally a divide. Like a circular diamond mine or one of those “rabbit hole” gold ones. Literal wall holding its outside. 

Snowshoe Shipping. New company. Full autonomous workforce from the looks of it. SDC related of course. And its still running despite everything. The drones here are literally AKs. Motherfucker, I think I know where the idea for them came from. SDC literally just weaponized its fucking worker robots. 

And apperently Dust is refined in the Crater. Okay that makes sense. Does it come from outside or are they still mining it there I wonder.

Oh pnumatic elevator. STEALING THAT

“That isn’t relevant at the moment.” WAY TO DODGE THE QUESTION RT. YEAH BECAUSE THERES TOTALLY NOT OTHER COMPANIES OUT THERE RIGHT?

What the fuck happened to Penny? Did becoming the Maiden make her emo?

Lol yeah people are gonna die, its WAR Penny, eat shit and get over it. Fucking weaklings...

Your the maiden. Get over it. Go kill some people, you’ll feel better. Relish in power.

And Weiss is now dead from either pressure shock, thermobaric style lung implosion, forceful impact, or just being crushed flat. Oh, and asphyxiation.  Seriously that was the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my life. REALLY NORA.

Oh hey, a banjo in the crater. It really is hicksville.

Fire dust crystals right into a metal container to keep it  going. Holy shit it only took us 8 seasons to see Dust used physically again...

Sheep nom map. Nom nom. 

Wonder who this Crimson she mentioned is.

Lil hops. Oh no shes too cute.  Also it seems Mantle is divided into sectors. Useful information. Wonder what designates them.

Hahahah Fiona’s uncles a mole XD

And good to know “crap” is a swearword on Remnant.

Sounds like Crimson is a person with the Huntress’s. With his accent Im going to personally imagine his a grizzled former veteran, like Sergeant Stacker from Halo.

Note; the map says “Mantle City”. Interesting. Wonder what the other option is. Crater?

Ohhh and a spudmasher. Wait...no thats not a grenade. Some kind of gravitational surge thing. Again. Okay seriously RT is it so hard to just make a FUCKING WEAPON? Nothing fancy, no special features, just something that kills the fucking enemy. 

Okay...what the hell. Those Grimm cleared out like they got a retreat signal...

Ohho whats this now...this thing looks a LOT more interesting. And SAVAGE. Damn, its beating the SHIT out of Oscar! I think I like this one.

It transforms. Like the Zeta Gundam. FASCINATING. So it must have a rapid transport/assault form of the original dog one then changes to this new one for close in? Or carrying I guess, its stealing Oscar. This must be the thing that Salem sent.

Yeah kinda looks like a werewolf.

Soooo why were they just standing there watching this thing beat up on him? It was open for a couple of seconds. Surely it cant be they were worried about Oscar, the best thign to do if an enemy is grappling your friend is to get in and take advantage of it. 

Its smart too, used Oscar as a meatshield. Apperently just long enough to distract Yang and then yeet her. 

Its got ONE HAND with Oscar in it you idiots, hit it all at once! Go for the legs and the other arm, knock it down, blow its head off. COME ON, its OBVIOUS.

Oh hey it talked. Good. That means it can probably feel pain.

There is no way those legs should work like that. They’re too small and its torsos the wrong shape. This things breaking physics. 

The arms are also way too long.

Also why are you just standing there watching it grow wings? Kill the fucking thing already.  Gotta admit the movement and screaming makes me think it feels pain. Interesting. Good to know.  That or its just body horror/squick.

And thats the episode. I like how Fiona calls them “kids” though shes probably about their age. 

[artificialqueens]

Tongue Tied Chapter 4 (Branjie) - SnowBun

A/N: I tried holding off submitting this just cause SUSPENSE, but I’ve been procrastinating my assignments so this chapter is already finished. I really wanted to try and navigate the awkward dating stage for this one (and maybe the next one too ;) so I hope you guys enjoy! xoxo

“Class dismissed.”

Her voice was a bell that rang through the studio, signaling to her students that it was time to leave. They proceeded to shuffle out, one by one, the sounds of their young, gleeful chatter following them.

Brooke let out a tired sigh. Tuesdays were always hard for her. Were they the beginning of the week? Not quite. Was it halfway? Nope. Was it near the end? Not even close. Tuesdays were an indecisive, boring mess that wore her out each time.

There was a knock on the door, and before she could call at the person to come in, Plastique’s head poked through the crack. An infectious wide smile was spread across her model-like features, and Brooke reciprocated as she gestured for her to enter.

“You doing good?”

She gripped the bar, and stood on her toes, facing away from the younger teacher. The natural light coming in from the windows washed over her. She relished the way the warmth felt against her skin.

“I’m fine.”

Plastique closed the door behind her, and checked her reflection in the mirror. She didn’t know why she bothered to check. Plastique always looked like she had just stepped straight out of the pages of a high-fashion magazine.

“I haven’t seen in you a while.”

“Sorry, I’ve been busy.”

“Anything interesting happen

She closed her eyes. Her thoughts went back to the girl in red, committing herself to a never-ending dance in Brooke’s mind. She felt her stance waver slightly, and tightened her grip on the bar.

“I met someone.”

She heard a gasp on the other side of the room, and laughed at how comical it sounded. Flattening her feet on the ground, she leaned her side against the bar. A teasing smile crept onto Plastique’s lips.

“Oooooh,” She listened to the clicking of heels across the wood floor. In mere seconds, she felt her friend poke her in the side. “What’s her name? What’s she like? Where’d you meet?”

“Whoa, slow down.” Brooke motioned for them to sit on the floor. Plastique sat in front of her, back turned and long, pastel pink hair thrown over her shoulder. “We met at a club, like, two weeks ago.”

“Girl, that’s four months in lesbian time.” She exclaimed. “Plus, it’s a miracle you guys didn’t meet on Tinder.”

Brooke rolled her eyes, and checked if anyone was looking through the small window in the door before beginning to braid her hair. She didn’t want any of her students to know that their hardass ballet teacher was actually a giant softie.

“So, what’s her name?”

“Vanjie.” She replied as she overlapped locks of hair rhythmically.

“Hmmm,” Plastique’s hum bounced around the studio’s four walls, the intrigue landing gently on her ears. “What do you know about her?”

“Not much.” Brooke replied. “We’ve only met, like, twice.”

“Have you guys been talking, though?”

“We text back and forth a lot but,” She paused. “We haven’t actually gone out or even met outside the club or anything.”

Plastique scoffed. “Then make it happen!”

The girl, with her youthful features and air of naivete, could easily be mistaken for another beautiful student at the art school; but Brooke knew that she was wiser and more talented than most of the other fashion design teachers that had passed through the wide, white doors.

“How?” She took the elastic on her wrist and tied up the end of the braid. She smiled at her work, delighted at the intricate style. She’d never bothered to play around with her shorter hair all that much. It was too much of a bother.

“Ask her out for coffee.” She replied plainly. “Like, now.”

“You can’t be fucking serious, right?” Brooke shook her head. In that moment, she became aware of how old she sounded. The old-fashioned notion that it was wrong to be so forward wasn’t one she shared, but she knew just how reserved her nature was. “I couldn’t do that.”

Suddenly, a ding from her phone echoed throughout the room. Plastique turned to her, a smirk plastered on her face. She shook her head again, but didn’t stop the shy laugh that slipped. Whatever was happening between her and Vanjie was new, but definitely interesting.

“Well,” Plastique stood up, holding out a hand to help her. “You never know if you don’t try.”

She turned on her heel, and walked to the door as Brooke reached for her phone. She smiled to herself as she opened the text from Vanjie, complaining about how boring work was.

“Hey, Brooke?” She looked up from her phone, where she’d already been asking if Vanjie wanted her to come around during her break.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for the braid.” She said with a wink, and walked away.

It wasn’t until she stepped out of the store that she realized what a beautiful day it was. The sun was shining, radiating a welcome heat that contrasted the cold airconditioned air that had enveloped her only minutes before.

If it had been a cliché Disney movie, she was sure that there would be birds singing overhead.

She walked to the coffee shop where Brooke had arranged for them to meet. She couldn’t say that she expected her to ask her to coffee in the middle of the day, but she couldn’t say it was unwelcome either.

She took her time, not wanting to seem overeager. Besides, the day was too lovely for her to not allow herself to soak it in.

That was, until a breeze blew by and her hair was caught in her mouth.

She stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, trying to brush her dark locks away from her face. People slowed to look at her, and she all of a sudden felt like folding herself up, origami style, and falling straight into a sewer grate, never to be found again.

After a moment, she regained her composure and continued walking, albeit less confident than before.

Doubts began to flood her mind. What if I embarrass myself? What if I say something stupid? What if she’s still so fucking hot in the daytime that my ovaries start to malfunction right where I stand?

Before she knew it, she’d swung the door of the coffee shop open. Her senses were filled with the smell of a fresh brew that knocked her out of her daze. The reverie broken, she was able to spot Brooke in the corner, sipping her coffee quietly.

“Hey.” She heard her own brash voice in her ears, and stopped herself from visibly grimacing at how it sounded in the stillness of the shop.

All of her worries disappeared, however, when Brooke beamed up at her. Her smile was warm and inviting, just like the cup of coffee that had already been waiting for her when she arrived. God, she was so Canadian.

“Hey, yourself.”

She took a seat across from her, and thought that she’d been absolutely right in saying that she’d still be as hot in the day as she was at night. Her blonde hair was slicked back from her face, gorgeous even with minimal makeup.

“Not gonna lie, I was surprised when you asked me to come.”

Brooke raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at her. “Why is that?”

She shrugged her shoulders, taking the cup of coffee in front of her. “I don’t know,” She replied carefully, not wanting to offend. “I just wasn’t expecting it, I guess.”

A small laugh escaped her lips, and Vanjie smiled at the sound. She looked down at her coffee, realizing that Brooke had no idea how she liked to drink it. She must have noticed the expression on her face because she suddenly began to apologize profusely.

“Shit, I should have asked you before I ordered.” She began to dig around in her bag for her wallet. “I’m sorry, how do you like your coffee? I’ll get you another one. Fuck, do you even like coffee?”

Vanjie reached out a hand to touch her arm, and laughed lightly. Brooke’s expression relaxed into a worried smile. “Damn girl, no need to get worked up. I love coffee. How’s this one?”

“Double-double.” She answered quickly. “Two cream, two sugar. It’s how I used to do it in Canada, so I figured you might like it.”

She took a sip while looking back at her over the rim of the cornflower blue cup. For a moment, she thanked sweet baby Jesus that it hadn’t gone cold. She allowed the bittersweet liquid to coat her tongue.

“I like it.” The answer almost made Brooke let out an audible sigh of relief. “I thought you’d be a black coffee kind of girl.”

“Bleagh, way too bitter for my taste.” She brushed a hand through her hair. “What about me says, ‘black coffee bitch?’”

“Hmmm,” She tapped her short red nails against the cup. “You look like one of those hoes that wants to get all their work did right and quick, I guess. Speaking of which, shouldn’t you be at work right now?”

“Class is over.”

“You still a student?”

Brooke chuckled at Vanjie’s puzzled expression. “No, I teach ballet at the arts college nearby.” She watched Vanjie’s face fall slightly as she took a sip of her coffee. “What about you? What do you do?”

“Uhm,” She began shyly. “I’m a makeup artist at MAC, but I do some stuff on the side too. I mean, shit, there’s nothing wrong with working at MAC of course. The pay’s good and all that, but it’s just—”

She bit her tongue to stop herself from rambling.

“It’s not what I really want, you know?”

“Don’t worry, I get it.” She calmed herself at Brooke’s reply, and stared down at her coffee. “So, what’s that stuff you do on the side, then?”

“I choreograph.” She answered, semi-proudly. “It’s not a steady paying job, like your ballet gig, but I just like to dance, I guess.”  She paused. “When I can.”

The other girl hummed in understanding. “You do stuff for artists and shows then?”

Vanjie shrugged. “Yeah. I’ve done some stuff here and there. I’ve been working with Scarlet Envy on some new show. I even worked with Alexis Mateo on her last music video.”

“Damn,” Brooke was impressed. As shy as Vanjie was at talking about her side gigs, working with Alexis Mateo was a big deal. She couldn’t wrap her head around why she wasn’t prouder. “I guess that’s why you could keep up with me then.”

Vanjie laughed loudly, a raspy sound that came from deep in her chest. “Bitch, it’s hard to keep up with legs that long.” She said flirtatiously, watching a light tinge of red grace the other girl’s cheeks.

“I didn’t know you’d been looking, Miss Vanjie.”

She watched the playful spark dancing in Brooke’s blue eyes; an invitation. A challenge, perhaps?

“Girl, you know damn well where I’ve been looking.”

Brooke grinned before drinking her coffee. A silence washed over them, and Vanjie listened to the music playing. It was some slow indie song that she wasn’t all that into, but she appreciated the way it filled the quiet.

“Soooo,” Brooke drew out the word. “Can I ask you something?”

She scrunched up her eyebrows, expecting some sort of serious question. “What’s up?”

“What’s Scarlet Envy like?”

“I have more rhythm in my left toe than that bitch.” She cackled loudly. “I mean, she’s real sweet and pretty and all that; but, if she had to dance to save her life, she’d be dead in a hot minute.”

Brooke laughed along with her. “That’s too bad, I liked her in that one movie; the horror movie about the family in the countryside?”

“You’re out here describing every horror movie that’s been out for the last ten years.”

The banter went back on forth for at least half an hour. Vanjie would listen intently to Brooke’s stories about her talented but foolhardy students, and Brooke would laugh at Vanjie’s gravelly voice talk to her about the artists she’d worked with.

Vanjie’s phone chimed, breaking them out of their stupor. She looked down, and noticed that her cup was still half-full, coffee cold from the minutes she’d left it for conversation. Opening her phone, it dawned on her that her break was nearing its end.

“Shit, I should go.” She smiled apologetically at Brooke. “My break’s almost over.”

“You have a penchant for leaving me behind, you know?”

She pouted playfully, placing her hand on Brooke’s, knowing the comment was only half-meant. “I’ll make it up to you.” She said with a wink.

“How about making it up to me on Friday night?”

They sat there, both stunned at the words. The look on Brooke’s face made it clear to her that she’d spoken up before really thinking, but when seconds had passed and she seemed as if she wouldn’t take back the offer, Vanjie relaxed slightly.

“Alrighty,” She grinned, flashing her bright white teeth. Bless her dentist for doing the Lord’s work. “I’ll see you then.”

She walked out the door, face flushed and tongue tied.

[yourdeepestfathoms]

Healthy Pendragon Sibling Headcanons

* Morgana is the oldest, then Arthur, and then Morgause. Arthur is the tallest, though

* Their backgrounds are very confusing. Arthur and Morgana have the same dad but Morgana and Morgause have the same mom. Morgana alternated between who she lived with for awhile before mainly sticking with Uther, who had custody of Arthur. Morgause was given to her “father” by Vivian, but moved in with her siblings when she was a teenager.

* Morgana is a lesbian, Arthur is bi, and Morgause is ace/aro

* Morgause has a love for theatre and if she gets in a show, her siblings screams every time she comes out

* They sneak out a lot

* Literally broke into their school to swim in the pool

* They’ve reenacted Lord of the Flies in the middle of the night before because why the hell not

* These kids get super competitive in any co-op game they play

* They secretly buy each other pride flags, hang them up in their room, and see how long it takes to get noticed

* They’re so close hhh

* Morgause can only handle physical contact from them

* Sometimes one of them will yell “HALL MEETING!!!” and then they have a meeting in the hallway

* Morgana is the best at comfort

* Arthur and Morgause are not

* Morgause is terrible at verbally comforting someone. If a person is hurt, usually she’ll just hug them from behind, rest her head on their back, and wait until they calm down or stop crying

* Arthur just gets protective and is ready to fight

* Morgana will literally use her sibling’s middle names when she’s worried about them

* Oh yeah, middle names! Morgana Elizabeth Pendragon, Arthur William Pendragon, Morgause Autumn Pendragon

* They’ve learned all of each other’s triggers to avoid making each other uncomfortable

* Morgana is super gentle

* Arthur took his sisters clubbing before but they mainly just sat at a booth the whole time playing on their phones

* During this one Thanksgiving, they played kickball against other family members and Morgause ran into a windmill

* They are a very competitive team

* Morgause loves animals and wants to take home every stray she sees. Arthur is so set on this idea

* They compulsively bought a baby goat before

* Gwaine is determined that they wear some kind of matching costumes during Halloween. They end up going as Link (Arthur), Zelda (Morgana), and Sheik (Morgause)

* As a little bonus, Gwaine gets everyone in the gang to go as Legend of Zelda characters, even if they don’t play the game. He goes as the Skull Kid, Merlin goes as Wizzaro, Gwen goes as Twili Midna, Leon goes as Dark Link, Elyan goes as Komali, and Percival goes as Ganon

* “Where are my SIBLINGS!!!!!” -Morgana, 24/7

* Both Arthur and Morgana are super stubborn and when they argue it’s like someone is yelling at themselves in the mirror

* Morgana drives them everywhere because Morgause is too scared to, even though she has her license and Arthur driving makes her nervous

* Uther isn’t actually home that often because of business, so they take care of the house. Morgause is actually a really good cook. Arthur is not.

* Morgause has a tendency to go nonverbal for a short amount of time, usually after a panic attack or episode, but the other two are very patient with her

* Oh yeah she has some issues

* Morgause sometimes will play a certain song over and over again to relax herself and her siblings have just gotten used to it

* They play The Floor Is Lava a lot and sometimes they’ll just sit on the coffee table for an hour until someone backs out

* When getting groceries, Arthur is fully set on taking all the bags in at once which causes Morgana to scream “ARTHUR THE EGGS”

* They do this thing where they’ll just...see this place and they’ll be like “yup that’s where I’m going to spend my day”

* For example, Morgana walking into the kitchen to get a drink and sees Morgause on top of the fridge reading and she doesn’t question it at all

* Arthur, throwing a water bottle at his sister’s heads: YOU NEED TO STAY HYDRATED CHILDREN

* But that quickly turns into little reminders for each other: “Have you eaten today?” “Did you drink any water?” “Do you need anything?” “Wanna talk?” “Have you slept at all recently?”

* Morgana once finished a project for Morgause because she was exhausted and the topic was touchy. Morgana found her at her laptop, tears streaming down her face, gritting her teeth and struggling to type with her hands shaking so badly. That’s when she stepped in

* Morgause is allergic to hazelnuts and has always wanted to try one. One day, she hands Morgana an EpiPen and makes Arthur dial 911 and then shoves, like, twelve hazelnuts in her mouth

* It’s become an ongoing joke to call Morgause a ferret because she looks like one

* Gaius, about Morgause: I don’t think we’ve met.

Arthur: Oh sorry this is our pet ferret

* Morgause once fell out of a tree she was climbing and came down so hard branches snapped under her. She had to sleep on her stomach for two weeks because of how badly her back was bruised

* Morgause: Do you think Arthur and Morgana actually want me around? What if I’m just a nuisance at this point? What if I’m intruding?

Merlin, visibly annoyed: Morgause, this is the seventeenth time you’ve asked that. I don’t know.

Morgause, walking away: Okay, I’ll come ask again in a few minutes

* Morgana showed Arthur and Morgause Life is Strange to make them cry but she ended up sobbing, too

* In return, Morgause shows her Little Nightmares

* Morgana, when Six eats a rat: what the fU-

* They’ve played co-op on Shadow of the Tomb Raider together and Arthur ends up glitching through the floor and gets stuck. The girls laughs so hard they wheeze

* They went to see Tomb Raider (2018) together and they thought it was amazing

* Morgana: Tomb Raider was good. I liked when Lara killed the men

* She definitely has a crush on Lara Croft

* Morgause stress chews and when there’s nothing around for her to gnaw on, she bites the skin off her knuckles

* Morgana, noticing that Morgause is grinding her teeth against her bottom lip: GET THAT LIP OUT OF YOUR MOUTH YOUNG LADY

* They rarely ever fight, but you know it’s bad when they do.

* Morgause starts carrying gum around with her everywhere (mainly because of her chewing problem) and Arthur asks for some all the time. She once just threw an entire packet at his head before. He thanked her

* Morgause spends New Years in the basement. The fireworks are too much for her and she has multiple panic attacks. Morgana goes down to comfort her and they watch the old Tomb Raider movies together

* Morgause gets really violent and unpredictable when she’s having an episode or bad panic attack. She bites, scratches, spits, punches, kicks- anything to get away. She miscalculated a swing this one time, caught her fingernails on Morgana’s earring, and it tore out. Her sister had to get stitches for it. Arthur thought it was kinda cool

* Arthur accidentally poured a can of soda into a bowl of macaroni and cheese while his sisters watched without attempting to stop him

* Morgana walked into the kitchen and found a block of cheese in the utensils drawer, which somebody had decided was a knife when they were putting away groceries. Then she tried to look for cream cheese and could not find it for the life of her. It still hasn’t been found

* Morgause wears glasses

* But this one time she fell asleep with contacts on and woke up thinking she got her proper sight back

* Morgause: *glasses fall off and fall into the deep end of a pool*

Arthur: I gotchu fam

* If one of them has a date the other two like to spy on what’s going on

* Morgause attempted to cut her hair with a knife and it did not end well

If anyone has anymore, they can add onto this! I’d love to see more headcanons with these kids!

[magicmoon65]

Lesbian Sleeping Beauty

Hey, I wrote a wlw short story based on Sleeping Beauty! I don’t think I’ve ever posted my writing here, so let me know what you think and if I should post more!

The Forest of Thorns, as I called it, was our town’s horror story. Every story meant to scare took place surrounding the forest. I guess in every town there’s the daredevils and disbelievers who go into the graveyards or abandoned buildings on dares, but in this case, it was good sense not to. Kids would run away from their parents to explore the forbidden place but would pause before they had climbed over the first branch, feel the sharp edge of the unnoticed thorn, and back away in shame. It was just good sense not to venture further. And since as soon as you did make it past that one branch and were inside, you’d look around and realize that if you ventured further you’d surely get lost, that even now the only way you knew behind you was the way out was from memory, no one had ever, to the best of my knowledge, traveled further.

There were urban legends, of course. About 80 years ago someone known to us as “Crazy Phil” ventured in and never returned. He was likely dead anyway by now, I always reasoned, when they ended with the warning by saying he had likely died.

I admire Phil, in a way, because he, like me, wasn’t scared off by the stories or the foreboding nature of the forest. I imagined he’s found the path I did, that he’d gone farther than I had, that he’d ventured into it and found whatever the forest was hiding. Because it had to be hiding something, I reasoned. There was no way all this place had was Merryweather Rock.

As far as I knew, since Phil, Sam and I were the only people from our town who had ever gone deeper than the edge, I couldn’t account for neighboring towns— Google Maps had shown the forest big enough to be the haunting tale of about eleven other villages. But I imagined it was similarly unexplored.

The thorns had never scared me. I’d found an entrance big enough to squeeze through sustaining only minor cuts, and had tied the end of a ball of yarn to the branch so I could find my way back. The forest, I’d found, was made up of tangles of thick, thorny branches, with no clear trunk or root. Sometimes it disappeared underground, but I could follow it coming back up, and it felt like there was no beginning. I loved climbing them, and no matter how high I went I never got to the top. In some areas, it was too thick to continue or too thin to reach the next one, and I’d have to climb down or follow a branch onwards. That first time with the yarn, comparatively, I hadn’t gone far, worried that someone might come looking for me.

Now I knew the path to Merryweather Rock, deep in the forest, by heart. According to a hiking app I’d gotten back when Mum had spent a summer dragging me, my sister, and occasionally Sam to various mountain and woods hiking paths, it was .78 miles in from where we usually entered. Among the thick branches of thorns was the occasional recognizable tree, either dead or tall enough to have found sunlight. One of these was a huge flowering tree, whose own branches stretched far. Sam, my partner in crime, the only other person to traverse these woods with me, my best friend since second grade, and I had agreed that we couldn’t explore further than where we could still see the Merryweather flowers, because from there we knew our way back home. Next to it was a large boulder, tall enough to reach my chin but climbable, with a flat area on the top where we could lie down. Thorny branches still crept through and around it, but there was far more room in this area to move around than anywhere else. I’d done school work there, drawn, listened to music and relaxed, done whatever I wanted there. But the journey there I always loved.

Maybe I’m something of a daredevil. I’ve broken bones going down this really steep hill on a sled and slamming straight into a rock. That part hadn’t been great, but I’d repeated it three years later, avoiding the rock that time and falling into a stream. Because of stunts like that, my mum was never too worried about the relatively minor and non-life-threatening cuts I came home with from roaming the Forest every day.

I hadn’t in awhile. Sam and I had been busy with schoolwork, extracurriculars, jobs, and family obligations for weeks. But early Friday morning, Sam had slipped me a note saying to meet him at Merryweather Rock at noon the following day, so here I was, climbing once again through the Forest of Thorns, following the familiar path of going up two branches, jumping to the next one, going down at the dead oak, crawling under, following one branch, moving to the next one, and so on, until I could see the flowering branches tangled into the thorny ones. I landed on the ground, ducked under a branch, and climbed to the top of the rock. I grinned when I saw Sam.

“Hey,” I crawled over to where he was sitting and sat down next to him.

“Hey. I thought we could have a picnic,” he said, tapping the cooler bag next to him.

“Sure,” I said. We’d done it before, and we were overdue to relax under the Merryweather and talk. I leaned back against a risen part of the rock as Sam took out sandwiches, plates, a thermos with warm mac and cheese inside, carrots and hummus, and watermelon.

I took a piece of watermelon eagerly. “So, how’s work and stuff?”

“It’s good. Kinda boring most of the time, but at least there’s air conditioning.” Sam took a drink out of a water bottle and picked up a sandwich. I took his water bottle and took a drink for myself. “Oi!”

I grinned. “We just indirectly kissed.”

“I brought two,” he said, handing me another one.

“What’s the big deal, we’ve done it before,” I said, finishing my watermelon and eating a carrot.

He gave a little smile. “I hate being this busy.”

“Me too,” I said, leaning my head back and looking up at the tree branches. Patches of sky and sunlight shone through. “I missed this place. I looked at my legs yesterday and all the cuts had healed.”

Sam laughed at that, even though we were both pretty good at least getting to Merryweather scratchless by now. “I missed this too. This place feels like home.”

“I know.” I reached for another carrot and twirled it in the hummus. “And everywhere else I get people asking questions or requests or telling me to stop falling asleep in class.” I laughed to myself, and Sam laughed too.

“And I missed talking to you,” Sam added.

I nodded. The conversations during class or at our lockers didn’t count as talking. We were ourselves here. I’d always thought this place was magical in that way, that it was the only place I felt completely alive and real, rather than the type of magical entertaining the stories of ghosts and curses.

“It’s weird that no one but us really knows this place,” I said quietly. “They think it’s this terrifying, dangerous place, but…”

“Well, for good reason,” Sam pointed out.

“But it’s something else for us.”  I finished, not sure how to put it into words but knowing Sam would understand.

Sam lay down next to me, his arm pressed against mine, looking up at the sky. “I’m glad they don’t know. I like it being our secret.”

“You think there were others who made it this far and came back, they just never told anyone?” I asked.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if they did,” Sam said. His arm left the side of mine as he changed position, and then neither of us spoke for a minute. It felt good to relax after so much stressing.

“I think I failed that math test,” I said finally.

“I’m sure you didn’t. When have you ever failed a test?”

“Then I got a bad grade,” I said.

“You did better than you think you did,” Sam said, and we were both quiet for another minute before he said, “Rosa?”

“Yeah?” I turned on my side to face him, finding him already facing me.

“We can’t go weeks without doing this again. We can do school work here if we have to, but we should come out here at least weekly, I think. More often if we can.”

“I agree,” I said, smiling.

Sam leaned forward, pressing his lips firmly against mine before I realized what he was doing. I pulled back immediately and sat up. “Sam—”

Sam sat up too, putting his hand up. “Sorry, sorry, you—”

“I just—”

Neither of us finished our thought. I looked down at the light gray stone, studying a crack. “Sam, I gotta tell you something.”

“No, it’s okay. You don’t want that, it’s fine.”

“Yeah, but it’s not just that, I…” I sucked on my lower lip, picking up another carrot and spinning it. “I’m gay.”

Sam didn’t answer immediately and I glanced up at him. He looked shocked and confused, the expected reaction.

“You’re— Rosa, bloody hell.”

“I…” I didn’t know what to say. “I didn’t think it was a big deal, I wasn’t going to date anyone or anything, it just didn’t feel…”

“I can’t believe this. How long have we been friends?”

I hesitated. “Almost ten years.”

“Almost ten years.” He repeated. “I can’t… I feel led on, Rosa.”

My guilt turned to anger in an instant. “Led on? We’re not obligated to hook up because we’ve been friends you know.”

“That’s not what I meant, Rosa, and you know it.”

“Yeah, after you tried to kiss me I’m not supposed to think you want something more?”

“I mean, sure, I do, but I never would have done anything if…”

I picked up one of the sandwiches. “You know what, Sam? Thanks for the picnic, but I’m good.” I stood up, walked across the rock, and jumped down, the side opposite where we usually got on. I shoved the sandwich into my mouth, hearing Sam calling after me and ignoring him. I crawled through the branches, staying low and going as fast as I could. All I wanted was to get away.

I didn’t look back until a while later. I hadn’t heard him call in a few minutes, and looking back I couldn’t see the Merryweather tree. I backtracked a little until it was in sight, still distant but visible. I could make out his silhouette sitting on the rock. I wondered if he’d even tried coming after me and given up.

I stayed still for a minute, watching. I didn’t want to go back there. After watching for a minute, I turned around and kept going, letting the Merryweather tree slip out of sight.

I used my phone to write down landmarks for a while, but as the battery wore down I turned it off and made mental note. It was getting thicker and darker, and I’d cut myself up considerably, but I was too upset to care. How could Sam do this? I thought I’d known him. I’d trusted him, he was the only person who knew me, the only person I shared my favorite place in the world with, and he’d tainted it all.

When it got too dark to see where I was going, I stopped, sitting on a branch and hit the glow-in-the-dark-button on my watch. It was much later than I’d thought, almost five, but too early for the sun to have set. I looked up at pitch blackness. The forest had gotten so thick there was no light coming through. I better try to head back. Somehow I was sure I could find my way out, even after all this. Had it really been almost four hours? At this rate, it would be dark by the time I did get back. I better hurry.

I climbed downwards, going slowly and keeping three points of contact before moving at all, hoping my feet and hands would find a place to hold. I landed on one branch, lowering myself onto it, and was searching for a handhold when the branch under my feet snapped. I screamed and fell, landing hard and catching another branch. Thorns ripped through my skin, my clothes, everywhere. In all my years of climbing inside the Forest, I’d never had a branch break. Sure, the small ones from normal trees buried inside snapped and littered the ground like any tree, but never the thorned branches. Frustrated, I found a place I could sit on the branch and touched the injuries carefully. Merryweather had a first aid kit, but that was hours away. I was tired and dirty and bleeding and upset, and tears streaked down my cheeks. I could ignore most of the scrapes, I thought. My hands seemed pretty bloody. I tried wiping them off on my shirt and then sucked on my finger, tasting the metallic taste of my own blood. I wiped my eyes. There wasn’t much I could do, so I resumed climbing, trying to be more careful, but I couldn’t feel a branch or ground below me. Instead, I moved to the side, in the direction I at least thought home was.

I kept doing that. My mind distracted from Sam as I moved down and sideways. After a while, I finally felt ground.

A wave of relief washed over me. Ground was reliable. Ground was steady and unbreaking, and you didn’t need as much balance. But it should have gotten lighter by now.

I took out my phone and turned it on. It warned me it was at 12%. I tried to open the hiking app to see how deep I was but there was no service. I tried the compass app, even though I wasn’t sure which direction home was. I groaned, turned it off again, and kept moving. Some light must have crept in because I could make out shapes now, enough to move. My foot bumped into something, which wasn’t much of a surprise until it landed on something and there was a loud crack. I turned on the flashlight app and screamed.

It was a skeleton, an old one with rotted away skin and bits of clothing clinging to it. I sped up, moving past it and trying to get as far away as possible.

Maybe that skeleton was Phil, and he had died in the forest. He’d gotten pretty deep though, impressive.

The Forest didn’t feel like home anymore, that was for sure. It had betrayed me like Sam had, only worse. It had gotten me lost, had scraped me up, had made me fall, had lead me to a dead body.

I could see better now. No direct sunlight but light from somewhere, and I could see. I checked the time. After 5. I sighed. It was a long way to go. My parents were probably worried. Maybe Sam had told them where I went. I could believe he was worried about me, but it was still betraying our place. That would be okay. It was probably ruined for me now.

Maybe I was being overdramatic. Maybe it was my fault, for not telling him. Maybe I did lead him on. Maybe he wasn’t even being irrational, he just made a mistake.

I couldn’t worry about this right now. I held my arms out in front of me to duck under whatever branches I found. My hand hit one, and I moved it, but it found a hard, flat surface.

I focused on what was in front of me. Wood. Not a tree, more like a wall.

My hand closed around cool metal. A handle. It was a door. I smiled to myself. I knew this forest had been hiding something. Here it was.

I checked the time again. But I’d be able to find my way back here, right? I’d just look around inside. I pushed. Nothing. I pulled. It moved slightly, but the branches were holding it closed. I didn’t have anything to cut it, but I knew I’d never be able to find it again. I had to see what was inside, now or never. I pulled harder, I tried pulling the branches, but they didn’t budge. I tried anything I could think of, finally leaning on the door, tears returning to my eyes, my bloody hands on the handles. “Come on, please, open,” I begged. Finding this might make it all worth it if the forest had been hiding it so securely. No one had loved this place more than I had, I thought. How had Philip even died? I’d gotten this far in a day, spent my life exploring inside, no one had loved this place like I had. Sure, I’d been mad at it a second ago, but I could forgive it for this. I needed this.

I pulled again, hard, and this time, it opened. The branches seemed to have loosened, enough for me to fit through. A smile broke out across my face. I looked around. “Thank you,” I whispered.

There was no way that was a coincidence. I’d tried everything. This was magic.

I squeezed between the branches and went inside.

There was room to move around, I realized with relief. It was dark, but not insanely so. It was a good sized room, looking like an old-fashioned kitchen. There was a firepit with pots hanging over it, tables, a cast iron oven, and baskets everywhere. There was food there, and I realized I was starving, but it was all moldy and dusty. Spiderwebs were everywhere, but no spiders or insects. I walked through the kitchen to a large dining room, with a table nearly as long as my house. I looked around at the tapestries and candleholders everywhere in fascination. Was this a castle? Had the forest been hiding something this big?

I went down a hallway and found a door leading to a steep twisting staircase, so I started up it. It was full of cobwebs, which I brushed away. It was steeper and higher than I expected, and after a while I was feeling a little dizzy and claustrophobic, so I get off as soon as I found a door. My cuts were starting to sting, but I hadn’t seen anything in the way of first aid or even water. I was pretty thirsty. I wiped my hands off on a curtain, but it still stung so I put my finger in my mouth to suck on it again. I kept looking around, finding the door to a huge room, bigger than my house, probably about the size of our gymnasium.

I heard a sound, which surprised me because I hadn’t heard anything except myself for hours. It sounded like a cry, and I followed the sound to the bed on the other side of the room. As I got closer I could see someone lying there. A girl.

The bed was coated with cobwebs and dust like everything else in the place, but she wasn’t coated with it. She looked like she was having a nightmare, flailing in the bed and letting out a cry or whimper every so often. Her dark brown hair was tangled around her face and spread on the pillow. I couldn’t help but notice that she was very pretty underneath, a mess of freckles on her round cheeks and neck. I reached out to touch her face, hoping to wake her up.

“Hey,” I said, gently at first. She whimpered again, and let out a low shriek from her throat. “Wake up,” I said more firmly. “You’re dreaming, wake up,” She cried out again and I shook her shoulder, but she was in too deep a sleep. She flailed out of my grasp, breathing hard. A lock of hair fell in her mouth.

“You’re just dreaming, wake up,” I tried again desperately, reaching to wipe the lock of hair away, my finger running across her lip as I did. She yelled out again, but this time her eyes opened her shaking stopped as she looked around still breathing hard.

I’d wanted to wake her but now I wasn’t sure what to do. Her eyes locked with mine. “Who are you?” She asked softly after a minute. She spoke with an unfamiliar accent.

She still looked scared, so I gave her a small smile. “I’m Rosa, and I…”

The girl sat up quickly, pausing for a minute, looking a little dizzy. “Whoa.” She looked around. “I’m still in the castle, right? This room is huge.”

I’d assumed she was a princess of some kind, something I only realized until she said that and I was surprised to be mistaken. “I think it is. I just came here through the Forest of Thorns.”

She looked confused.

“The, er.. The…” I stammered, gesturing to the window, which was letting in sunlight.

The girl stood and ran over to the window. She was wearing a white loose-fitting nightgown. I followed her to the window, where we were tall enough to see just over the edge of the Forest of Thorns. I could see distant mountains, telling me at least I was looking in about the direction of home. She reached down, touching the thorn branches carefully, fascinated. “Those weren’t there before.”

I studied her. Why was the forest hiding her? How long had she been here? “They’ve been there forever,” I told her, and she turned to look at me, eyes wide. “What were you dreaming about?”

She ignored me. “How long have I been here?”

“I don’t know,” I told her. “I think the Forest has been here for… five hundred years.” We’d talked about the forest in middle school. My teacher had said that was the estimate, according to science and journals recalling its presence.

“Five hund—” The girl turned away from the window and walked back to the bed, sitting down. “That’s impossible.”

I sat down next to her. “I think it’s something magical, if that helps.”

“Magic, of course!” She stood up quickly and then sat back down. “But they’re probably gone by now…”

“Who?”

“Mother, and Mama, and Mum, I can’t believe…”

“You have three mothers, five hundred years ago?” I asked, fascinated.

She glanced at me. “Well not really, they’re…” She trailed off, looking at her hands, turning them. “I don’t understand…” she muttered, looking at me. “You’re filthy.”

I looked at myself. I was dirty, bleeding, and covered in dust and cobweb, and felt myself blushing. Not the greatest first impression.

“How’d you get here? How’d you wake me?” She asked, looking toward the window.

So I told her. I told her how I’d loved the Forest, told her about the Merryweather tree, and about Sam and our argument, She stopped me there, confused. “I don’t understand.”

“Well I didn’t like him like that and he thought I was leading him on even though I never did.” I skipped the coming out part. I didn’t need to hear any sixteenth-century opinions on the subject. “Anyway, I was mad at him, so I ran away and got pretty deep into the forest…” I told her the rest, about the dark area, and turning back, and falling, and the dead Phillip, finding the door, and finding her.

“How’d you break it?” She asked when I was done. “The spell I mean. That was keeping me asleep for so long.”

“I don’t know,” I said.

She nodded slowly and stood, walking over to a closet and going inside. I followed her. There were a ton of cobwebbed dresses inside. She looked through them, eying me. “You’re in trousers.”

“Yes,” I glanced down at my jeans. She just nodded and looked at the dresses.

“Don’t you have questions?” I asked.

“Yes, but…” She found a dress and held it in front of her. It was a bit simpler than the others, probably her best option for climbing through thorns. “Is that a watch?” She pointed to my wrist.

“Yes, how did you know?” I looked at her in confusion.

She sucked her teeth. “I suppose that means…”

“What?” I asked.

“It means my dreams were true.”

I frowned, remembering the nightmare I’d found her in.

“I’ve been dreaming of the world, this whole time,” she sighed. “So I have some idea what’s going on.”

I nodded, thinking. “So, do you need me to lead you out?”

“Please do,” she responded.

“I’ll let you change,” I told her, leaving and going back to the bed.

When she was done I asked for her name. She smiled and said “Helia.”

I smiled. It was a nice name, and it seemed to fit her in an unexplainable way.

“Rosa,” I said.

“You said,” she smiled. It was a beautiful smile.

We left the castle together, me leading her back into the thick of the thorns.

Somehow it was easier to maneuver. Maybe the thorns were letting Helia through, because we hardly had to climb and I got less scratched up as we went. I found myself sucking on my cut fingers again, but when I caught her watching me I returned my hand to my side.

“Rosa,” Helia said carefully as we walked.

“Yes?”

“I’m remembering what happened right before I fell asleep, and…” she hesitated, watching me. “Well, I heard someone saying only true love’s kiss could break the spell that put me to sleep.”

I frowned. “Wow, that sounds… well, it sounds like something out of a fairytale, to be honest.” Helia was like something out of a fairytale, partially in how pretty she was and partially because of the forest and spells, but also because she herself seemed so mysterious and magical in a fascinating way. I wanted to hear her story, like she knew mine.

“You didn’t kiss me, did you?”

I laughed at that, maybe too hard. I had never really believed in true love in a destiny way, and what she was suggesting was insane and crazy and really awesome. “No, I just shook you a little and… wiped hair out of your face.”

She nodded and gave me another smile. “Well, thank you. I don’t know how long I’d be asleep if you hadn’t…”

“Gotten mad at my friend and gotten lost?” I smiled.

She stopped and wrapped her arms around me. Surprised, I hugged her back. She was soft and warm and… “Thank you,” She whispered.

“You’re welcome,” I responded and she released me.

We kept moving and I gasped in surprise when I saw the Merryweather tree. I started running to it.

“What?” Helia called, chasing me.

“It’s Merryweather Rock!” I exclaimed, climbing up and holding out a hand to help her up. We sat down, leaning back. Helia looked tired, and I was exhausted.

“I know the way back from here,” I told her. I checked the time. It was only seven. It had taken me half the time to return. Amazing. Magical.

I looked up at the tree with Helia next to me, my mood falling as I remembered Sam. I’d forgotten about him while taking her back.

“I should make up with Sam,” I said.

“Are you sure?” Helia asked.

“Only if he apologizes,” I smiled. She smiled back.

I sat up. “I have something else to tell you,” I said, I wasn’t sure why I trusted her so completely. Maybe because I trusted the forest. “One of the reasons he was mad was because… well, I don’t know if you know what lesbian or gay means, other than happy, but I told him I wasn’t attracted to boys,” I studied her. “Just girls. In a romantic way, you know?”

She gave me another smile and I felt a wave of relief for the third time that day. “Yeah. I get that.”

I smiled. “Good.”

She leaned in and pressed her lips on mine, so quickly I couldn’t react, but wow, that second made every bit of tired and awkward I felt lift away. “Me too,” Helia whispered and stood up, walking to the side of the rock and climbing down. “Come on, let’s go!”

I was smiling wider than I thought possible as I followed her. I led her through the last of the branches, hardly noticing any thorns that caught me before we got out. The distance felt so short now, so easy, and here I was inside a world where no one had explored. The Forest had always been mine, but now it was ours, and I knew all of its secrets.

Helia and I did get together eventually. I never figured out how I woke her, but I am sure that she is my true love, and I am hers.

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it!

@fairytalewlw Figured out a way to do it!

[shmkxx-blog]

Untitled.

Right, so I need to sort my shit out. I don’t think anybody can live like this. It feels like a million thoughts rushing through my head at the same time. It becomes unbearable and they are all just that; thoughts. I need to break the cycle, before it breaks me.... before it breaks us. It sounds crazy, but for the first time in my life, I have met someone who sees under my mask without taking it off, and yet I am still afraid. I say that I’ve moved on and that I have gotten over everything that I have been through so far in my life, but I’m starting to think that I’m lying to myself. I need to get to the bottom of why it still affects me and why it still has a hold of me. Perhaps I need to start from the very beginning and work my way through my timeline, despite how painful this could be to bring to the surface. I suppose the more that I bottle it, the more the pressure builds, and that’s why I experience these emotional outbursts, so let’s try something new, something completely different.  Growing up, I had a pretty happy childhood, it just took me a long time to remember those types of memories because all I seemed to hold onto were the ones that make me freeze, that make me fearful and scared and unable to trust. My dad had a temper that often got out of control and as hard as it is for me to write this, I was no stranger to physical violence from him. I think he has blocked out that time in his life too, because the dad I had then, is a completely different person to the dad I have now.  My house was constantly filled with screaming, shouting, crying, the sounds of slapping, hitting and hyperventilating.  My parents went through a very unamicable divorce when I was 10 of which I was thrown in the middle. My dad and his family turned very nasty towards me. It’s sickening thinking of everything that they did to me. They criticized the way I looked, would corner me with a hand raised, threatening me. They swore at me. I was told on several occasions that I was a mistake, I was never wanted and that my mum should have got rid. This went on for 4 years, and by the time I turned 14, I was depressed. I started having anxiety attacks at school which would involve frequent visits from paramedics and trips to the hospital because I would lose consciousness. At this point, I cut contact with my dads family including my siblings and suddenly felt very alone and unloved. I think being at a pinnacle point of my life where hormones and emotions were flying around, it was one huge mess. Just as I got rid of my bullying family, I started getting bullied at school, physically, verbally, emotionally, mentally. I remember looking at myself in the mirror and seeing someone I didn’t recognise, like I was in there somewhere but it was so deeply hidden it was barely visible. I remember getting some nail scissors and cutting myself. It wasn’t deep, I knew it wouldn't scar, but I found that physical pain was easier to cope with than the emotional pain I was feeling inside. This bullying went on until I finished sixth form. It was never-ending for another 4 years, despite intervention by my mum and stepdad and also teachers, it carried on, even outside of the school gates. I grew too exhausted to fight it and just pretended it had been sorted.  When I was 18, I went off to university. It was supposed to be such an exciting time for me, I was starting my career as a childrens nurse, something I had wanted to do for a long time. I felt like my life could suddenly take off, but the euphoria was short lived, as the bullying started all over again. Even worse that I lived with them in the same student flat. Every night was spent in floods of tears, I had my belongings defaced and destroyed, the kitchen wall tiles were covered in marker pen, horrible names, mockery, disgusting drawings of me that I would have to clean off. They would bang constantly on my bedroom door chanting at me. Once again I looked in the mirror, and the person staring back was ghosting. Finally after 6 months, I went to the doctor who diagnosed me with severe depression and anxiety and I packed up my belongings, packed up my course, and returned home. I lost a lot of weight, i suddenly became obsessed with my weight and started making myself sick and taking strong laxatives. I started self harming again but this time it was intense and noticeable. I started smoking and drinking heavily. I became somebody that I never thought I could. I got into my first lesbian relationship, and it wasn’t me. I convinced myself that it was, but I wasn’t gay, I just tried to make changes in my life, anything that could bring some happiness where possible. I was searching in all the wrong places for all the wrong things. This girl encouraged my depression, she encouraged my self harm and even spoke about assisted suicide where we would take an overdose together. I became very emotionally disturbed to the point I started having seizures. They were psychological. My brain activity would get too hyper, my anxiety would flare, my heart would race, and I would find myself on the floor fitting.  Then I ran away. Well not exactly, I didn’t just up and leave, I needed a new start. I got myself a new job in Sidmouth, Devon and I moved down here nearer to my grandparents. It was a place I had been holidaying to since I was 6 years old. It was like home. Life seemed to be getting better, days seemed easier to manage. I was sleeping better, eating better, but the problem with running away is that your problems follow you wherever you go, because they’re inside your head. I met David. At first everything was amazing. He was loving, kind, supportive and he gave me the confidence boost I needed. He appeared when everything started going down hill again. I had started getting my seizures again, even whilst at work. Hospital became my home from home. Finally I was diagnosed with PNES (Psychological Non Epileptic Seizures). In short, my body cannot hand certain levels of stress and anxiety, so it shuts down. David was there through it all.  We fell pregnant twice between Aug 2011 and March 2012, both ended in miscarriages which were even more destructive to my mental health. During this time, I was finally diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. This means that you have to have at least 5 of the following behaviours (I had all): Extreme reactions to feeling abandoned. Unstable relationships with others. Confused feelings about who you are. Being impulsive in ways that could be damaging. For example, spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating Regular self-harming, suicidal threats or behaviour. Long lasting feelings of emptiness or being abandoned. Difficulty controlling your anger. For example, losing your temper or getting into fights. Intense, highly changeable moods. Paranoid thoughts when you’re stressed. The way I am isn’t my fault, I was born this way. It just needed some trauma to trigger it. What causes BPD?

‘It is not clear exactly what causes BPD. There are different factors that can lead to someone getting borderline personality disorder (BPD). The main causes seem to be the following’: Traumatic childhood. You might have experienced difficulties in your childhood. This could include neglect or being abandoned by a parent. Or physical, emotional or sexual abuse. Brain problems. You might have slight differences in your brain. Genetics. Some research shows that BPD may be passed on through genes. But there is no clear evidence that there is a gene that causes BPD.

It gave me some clarification in understanding myself and why I was experiencing the emotions I had. I was put on a medication called Quetiapine, which would help with the anxiety and keeping my psychosis under its peak. Not long after I went on it, we fell pregnant again in August 2012. It had been something we both wanted and we were very happy and excited especially when we had, had the 12 week scan to show everything was as normal and it was highly unlikely that I would miscarry. I still had the pain of losing my 2 previous babies, I still do now to some degree. It becomes more manageable.  My pregnancy had a few complications, but overall was a smooth, happy and exciting time. I couldn’t wait to be a mother. The day that Oliver was born, was the best day of my life. After losing two babies, I finally had one that was warm, and crying and suckling against me, and he was all mine. The first few days were an incredible experience. David was a fantastic hands on dad, he would help me with the night feeds, he would watch Oliver so I could get my head down. We were a happy family and then on day 4, my brain switched. I’m not sure what triggered it, but I was suddenly unable to be anywhere near my child. I couldn’t look at him, I couldn’t do anything for him, I couldn’t even be in the same room as him. I became severely mentally ill. I was sectioned into a psychiatric facility and then moved on to a mum and baby unit. I was self harming and attempting suicide. On discharge, I was put under social services and Oliver was a child in need. I had to work hard for him not to be put into foster care and adopted. This drew a huge wedge between me and David. He was having to look after a newborn baby on his own, and I knew he was bitter. I started group therapy. It didn’t seem to help at first, but after a few sessions, I noticed a difference, I started recognising my triggers, and learning to accept the bad days when they came around. I started being able to bond with Oliver. I started being able to give him a quick cuddle, and then I started to give him a bottle, then change a nappy. They brought in a care worker to work with me and help me with my relationship with Oliver. When Oliver turned 6 months old, I had worked so hard to repair everything that social services closed my case and I became unsupervised and able to be a responsible parent for my own child. It was the best christmas present I could have asked for. As my relationship with Oliver improved, my relationship with David deteriorated. He didn’t want to be involved with either of us. He would rather go out with friends, sleep and game. Yet still, I decided to marry him on 7th June 2014. I immaturely thought that it would make things ok again. At first it did. Our relationship was great, and then as the honeymoon wore off, all of our problems just reared their ugly heads. I started finding conversations to other people about how he didn’t want to be with me anymore, I found emails to other girls, off of craigslist and porn sites wanting to meet up for casual sex no strings attached, I then started finding bags of powder around the bedroom and snorting equipment. I wasn’t stupid, I knew what he was doing, and I felt that I only had myself to blame. I would ask him, and he would fob me off with stupid excuses, often getting verbally abusive with me, which would then cause me to shut down and apologise for my behaviour. Seems crazy really when I knew what he was doing. I was apologising for challenging his infidelity and drug taking. Things became a lot worse between us, the abuse became more frequent as was his sickening behaviour. The abuse became more frequent, it became verbal, emotional and physical, and he started to blackmail me. He would also throw in my face about me being a crap mother who couldn’t even touch her own baby or look at him. Something I was trying to get over. It all came to a head in September 2016 when I returned from America. Oliver was being quite difficult and causing me a lot of stress trying to get to bed. I could tell that David had, had a few drinks and I thought he had probably taken something... he had pushed me and grabbed oliver by the neck of his clothing and started screaming in his face, Oliver started crying and saying he was scared, David then grabbed him and threw him across the bed, his head narrowly missing the wall. All I can hear in my head to this day is ‘daddy no, daddy please don’t, daddy im scared’ over and over. David then thumped him, right on his back and growled to the side of his face like he was an animal. At this point I was in floods of tears, trying to get my child to cuddle him, but David was snarling at me. Then the doorbell went and the neighbour had come round concerned. He saw the look on my face, he had heard oliver’s crying and fear, and he wanted me to leave and get rid of David. So that night, I did, I waited until David was asleep, packed our bags and Oliver and I were greeted by my parents in the car as we snuck out the house. There was no looking back after that. I felt alone, and unloved and deserving of all the pain and suffering because it was all I had ever really knew.  On top of this, my granma who had been my support and my rock, passed away when Oliver was 2 weeks old from an aortic anerysm. It was sudden, and it turned my life into deeper turmoil. 

My biggest fear is it happening all over again, even though this time I know that it won’t. I’m scared of trusting, I’m scared of being loved, because it never usually works out for me, but if I want to be happy, I have to put all of this aside and move on. I can’t keep revisiting this as a setback, otherwise I will never learn to be happy. I can’t keep holding onto what I went through. I can give that advice to other people, but when it comes to taking it myself, I have a hard time digesting that information. The truth is, I CAN be happy now. I have a beautiful relationship with my son, which I was scared wouldn’t happen after our experience. I have a roof over my head, and I provide for both of us. I have the most loving and caring boyfriend a girl could ever ask for. I am so very lucky that he is in my life. I have a loving and supportive family unit who will always be there for me. My relationship with my dad and his family is even fixed. I have a fantastic best friend who is like a brother to me, and we have been there for each other through thick and thin and I know he’s not going anywhere.  Ultimately, I have so much going for me, that some people could only dream of. I need to start accepting and appreciating what I have and stop looking back to what I didn’t. So that’s what I’m going to do, this passage was a way of me getting everything down and off of my chest so that I can move on from all of this. So that it doesn’t have a hold over me, so that I can start to enjoy life and see everything as a learning curve. I wish I wasn’t as sensitive as I am, but I am and I can’t change that, it’s part of my personality, but what I can change is my outlook on everything. I need to be more positive and wake up each day feeling lucky and happy. Ryan says I have nothing to worry about and nothing to fear, so I’m going to start trusting him, and not fearing it, because I love him. I love him more than I’ve ever loved anybody in that way. We have a beautiful connection and I would be an idiot to break that and throw it away, all because of insecurities that are based on past events which I can’t change. I can’t change the past, I can change the now, so that’s what I’m going to do, change the now. Because the now is where I want to be, building a future with Ryan, Lilia and Oliver. That’s all I want. The simple life. Just us. Because having that, makes me the luckiest girl in the world.