#Koyomi will save us from this world

[vaguedoctor]

at first I lol’d

then I serious’d…..

Source: Kamen Rider × Kamen Rider Wizard & Fourze: Movie War Ultimatum

[typellblog]

Kizumonogatari - An Analysis

You could consider Bakemonogatari as a template of sorts for what a Monogatari arc ‘should’ look like. 

There’s Koyomi, our protagonist, and then there’s a girl, and the problem faced by her in the form of an oddity. There’s Koyomi’s fumbling attempts to help her, contrasted by Oshino Meme’s actually useful advice. Oddities appear for a reason. She’s not a victim, not exactly. Koyomi always figures it out a little too late, and in the end all he can do is watch as she just goes ahead and saves herself. 

Nonetheless, his presence is key. He’s the one who reaches out, who actually makes the attempt to help. Oshino would never solve such problems of his own volition, not when the situation is so neatly balanced with oddities that act according to their functions and people who conjured them out of their own wishes. Koyomi is the one that recognises people’s desire to be saved, even if they try to push him away at first. 

There are some quirks to this within the Bake arcs themselves, but when you line up Kizu next to them, the way it transforms this fundamental formula is like night and day.

Koyomi Vamp

For one thing, this time the one that encounters an oddity is Koyomi himself.

The encounter itself was random, but as Koyomi puts it, the following events were only made possible because it was him. There aren’t many humans that would give up their lives for a dying vampire.

He’s motivated, in part, by a sense of worthlessness. His own life is that little of a thing. He thinks he’s ruined it already, and hopes to do better in his next reincarnation. But the way he puts it is interesting. He’ll be someone glib, who dances around relationships, who doesn’t feel guilt, who doesn’t worry about things, who insists on getting his way and blames his problems on other people.

We see a contrast being developed between being a ‘good’ person and a happy one. To Koyomi his conscience, his attentiveness to others, his overthinking are all burdens. They’re the reason why he can’t easily form relationships.

Making friends would ‘lower his intensity as a human’. If having friends allows one to share in their happiness, he points out that we must also share in their unhappiness, take their suffering upon oneself in some way or another. Anything less would be shallow – at least to Koyomi, whose loner attitude conceals a shocking ability to dedicate himself to others.

This contradiction drives him to suicide.

It is, functionally speaking, suicide. He doesn’t express any suicidal ideation before meeting Kiss-Shot, things aren’t so bad for him that he’s actively considering ending it, but nonetheless when put in a situation that allows him to give up his life, he does so.

This is really what is being referred to when he calls it a ‘hellish’ summer break. Just purely looking at the events that took place, one might question whether it really deserves that title, especially compared to some of the experiences we see him go through in Bake. After all, he’s not in much real danger for most of it. The vampire hunters are scary, but not the most difficult opponents.

No, where the summer break of Kizumonogatari really earns the moniker of a ‘hell’ is in how Koyomi is so thoroughly isolated from humanity. Vampires walk at night, they exist within a different world, they aren’t treated as human, their very presence is a danger to humans, and into that situation is thrust Koyomi Araragi, who is already so hopeless about his ability to interact with others that he freely offered up all the blood in his body.Traditionally, though,  the question that vampirism asks about this situation is how do you feel about it? Isn’t it great not having to worry about stuff like that anymore? Being isolated from humanity is also a freedom from responsibility, restriction, limitation – as represented by the vampire’s supernatural abilities. But from beginning to end, Koyomi desires none of this. His goal of returning to being human doesn’t change.

Iron-blooded, hot-blooded, yet cold-blooded

This is where the three vampire hunters are interesting.

A sentence I never expected to type going into this, honestly.

Why, though? In theory they’re important antagonists to this arc. But as characters within the overall Monogatari series, they languish at the bottom of the faves tierlists.

No doubt being men doesn’t help. They’re not ‘arc characters’, their relationships with Koyomi never get developed in the same way those of female characters do. Men are reserved for antagonists almost entirely in this series, and if you’ll permit me to be a bit speculative I would argue that it’s because women represent an ‘other’ that he’s trying to connect to, while the men are alternative versions of himself.

Take Episode, for example. Like Koyomi, he’s trapped between two different worlds. He resents both humans and vampires, and that emotion is what motivates him to hunt. He’s hot-blooded, if you will. Hanekawa is hurt during their battle, and Koyomi’s emotional response almost brings him to the point of killing Episode.

On the other hand, we have Guillotine Cutter. Unlike the other two, he’s fully human. He’s also far more vicious and underhanded. Cold-blooded, if you will. To defeat him, Koyomi must become literally inhuman. Becoming a plant is something that he’s been thinking about for a while, long before he became a vampire. Koyomi wanted to become something inhuman, to be free from his social responsibilities, for a long time. But now that he’s a vampire it’s precisely his connections with people like Hanekawa that make him want to turn back. 

The progression where Koyomi becomes more vampire-like to defeat increasingly human opponents feels like it’s commenting on how the more vampiric he gets the more callous he becomes until you realise the exact opposite holds for the hunters.

Dramaturgy, the full-blooded vampire, is the most reasonable of the bunch. He offers a path forward for Koyomi, the opportunity to become like him. The fact that Koyomi turns him down regardless shows that this was never about how humane the opponent, nor how many parts vampire they were. ‘If you want to stay human, then you’re human,” Oshino says.  Iron blood flows in them all, and from the beginning to the end this was about nothing more than protecting Kiss-Shot Acerola-Orion Heart-Under-Blade.

Kiss-Shot Acerola-Orion Heart-Under-Blade

Koyomi says that Kiss-Shot is someone whose meaning changes based on the observer. To the vampire hunters, she is a monster that ought to be killed. To Koyomi, she is a victim that ought to be protected. To Oshino, she represents a disruption to the balance between humans and oddities. 

Probably the most important way in which Kiss-Shot's mercurial nature is demonstrated in Kizumonogatari is through the various physical forms she adopts, growing in apparent age as she regains her lost limbs.

It's easy to see her as a child, perhaps even in her adult form. She's whimsical, prone to sudden bursts of emotion. There's a lot of things she lacks experience in. Koyomi meeting her bleeding out on the street might have been the first time she ever feared for her life. It's explicitly stated that Koyomi giving up his life for her is the first time another person did something for her sake. And as a result her decision to spare his life and make him a thrall seems to be one of the few times she's ever cared for the life of another person. With that in mind, it’s not difficult to understand why Koyomi seeks to protect her. 

On the other hand, her disregard towards human life is not feigned. She asks Koyomi to come and give her his blood without really considering what his motivations might be for following such an order. Humans are essentially bugs to her - Meme's stealing of her heart is forgiven instantly. She doesn't hold a grudge, the only thing that matters is whether she has it back or not. Eating Guillotine Cutter was not a deliberate strategy to make Koyomi want to kill her, she simply did so as if it was the most natural thing in the world. With that in mind, it’s not difficult to understand why the vampire hunters seek to slay her. 

Kiss-Shot is in many ways set apart from the oddities of Bakemonogatari. They derive their existence from humans, appear when they’re called on. They exist for a reason, and in doing so form their own kind of uneasy balance with the afflicted person.  In comparison Kiss-Shot feels more real, affixed more firmly to the world, a character in her own right. With that in mind, it’s not difficult to understand why Oshino wants to balance her. 

In doing so, he forces her to latch on to Koyomi Araragi, to offer him a ‘solution’ for his problems in the same way as any other oddity, and to become dependent on him to achieve her goals.

Oshino successfully mediates between Koyomi, who wants to save her, and the vampire hunters, who want to kill her, through the simple fact that she herself has reached a perfect balancing point between these two goals. She wants Koyomi to rescue her from the vampire hunters so she can die on her own terms. 

I mentioned Koyomi's suicidality earlier, but this story is also driven by how it manifests for Kiss-Shot. She became bored. It's the most common killer of vampires. When she talks with Koyomi on the roof, she says she has nothing interesting to talk about. Her long life has simply consisted of running around and fighting vampire hunters. The fact she wants to talk to Koyomi at all is significant, here. Not about anything in particular. She just wants to chat to someone. 

For all the differences between them, Kiss-Shot, too, is driven to suicide by an inability to connect to those around her, even if she doesn't consciously recognise it as such.

With that in mind, it’s not difficult to understand why Koyomi forces her to live, at the very end.

Hanekawa Tsubasa

Last time, with Tsubasa Cat, one element of the openings that I didn't touch on was how they show Hanekawa in positions that seemed like she might be about to take her own life. High places, train tracks. I didn't bother bringing it up, because it was getting late and also it didn't really seem to feature outside the openings, but here in Kizu it becomes more apparent.

She says, directly, that she wouldn’t call someone a friend if she wasn’t ready to die for them. This is a lie, she's talking about Koyomi specifically, but at least in his case she does die for him, intervening in his fight with Episode and having her torso blown apart by his giant cross. She offers to let Koyomi drink her blood. She intervenes again when he's fighting Kiss-Shot, with seemingly little regard for her own life. Both Oshino and Koyomi can agree that it's honestly kinda creepy.

The motivations behind her behaviour can be distinguished from Koyomi and Kiss-Shot, but there is another similarity: lack of friends.

It's somewhat inconceivable, after spending so much time in Koyomi's perspective, given such an idealised picture of her, but it seems apparent that she struggles with a similar problem to his own. She might be on good terms with a lot of people, she certainly knows a lot of people, but how many of them really know her? There's a reason why she's always alone on her night-time walks. 

She says she wanted to meet a vampire. The idea of something beyond human, something that isn't limited in the same ways she is, is an exciting idea to her. According to Kuro, at least, it's a way of breaking her out of her ordinary everyday life.

The thing about Hanekawa, I am slowly beginning to grasp, is that just because she tries to act normal, that doesn’t mean she has normal reactions to things. Rather, she treats the situation she finds herself in as if its normal and acts accordingly, leading to lines such as ‘he only hit me once, it’s perfectly understandable’, or acceding to requests to see her panties with almost zero hesitation, or treating someone sucking your blood and killing you as a totally normal thing to let your friend do, even when she’s clearly motivated by some special consideration towards Koyomi.

It’s a facade that doesn’t just mask her true feelings, but twists them into something else. She says that she never lies, something which is obviously untrue, but in a sense she’s always convincing herself, on one level or another, that she genuinely believes the things she’s saying.

This interacts interestingly with the series’ approach to fanservice. So far it’s mostly been played straight - with Hachikuji it’s a gag, with Nadeko it feels gratuitous, and stuff like Hitagi undressing in front of Koyomi is just that - here’s her naked body, look at it if you want. There’s a reason why she does that, but it doesn’t really connect to any deeper themes, it’s just there.

With Hanekawa in Kizu it is again gratuitous, it is again used for comedy, it is again just there because Nisio just wanted to do it, but the way Hanekawa’s brain works adds an interesting level to it. She’s surprisingly unbothered by the first instance where the wind flips her skirt, going so far as to deliberately engage Koyomi in conversation afterwards.

By the time of the second main incident, we’ve developed the idea that Koyomi is ashamed by his lust for her. He tries to push her away on the grounds that he’s too dangerous to be friends with, and the bluffed request for her to show her panties again feels in line with this, somehow. He’s trying to prove to her that he isn’t really the sort of guy she should bother herself with. 

She nonetheless takes the request completely seriously. It’s not that she’s just that literal-minded, she clearly knows what’s going on in Koyomi’s head (better than he does, sometimes), this is just her general pattern of behaviour when responding to him. Rather than setting boundaries, she indicates that she doesn’t really have any. This successfully shocks him out of the idea that he actually presents a danger to her. When it comes down to it he’s not actually going to look at a girl’s panties after being so brazenly presented with them. He’s kind of a coward. 

Hanekawa, on the other hand, Koyomi considers cool, someone who can decide on a course of action and stick with it. She isn’t swayed by silly whims like he is. In one sense, it’s true, but it’s also a reflection of the way he idolizes her. Hanekawa herself states that it’s not self-sacrifice, but self-satisfaction. Her actions, in this novel, aren’t directed towards any particular sort of justice, a particular perspective on Kiss-Shot, like Koyomi, Oshino, and the vampire hunters are motivated by. She is more or less just trying to help Koyomi, to be liked by him, even if it requires her to do absolutely ridiculous things like let him grope her boobs. 

One line I want to emphasize from that scene is Hanekawa’s offhand remark that she was prepared to lose her virginity. It’s presented as a joke but I’m fairly sure she’s not lying! It doesn’t present a particular desire to have sex with Koyomi, just a sort of resignation to the fact that this is the inevitable consequence of letting him do whatever he wants with her. I’m not saying she’s not attracted to him at all - I mean, she does feel up his muscles a bit earlier - but her vision of how this relationship will progress seems to be entirely on Koyomi’s terms. Which proves to be a bit awkward for her when Hitagi enters the picture later, but I digress. 

Her reaction to Koyomi’s hilariously stupid reasoning for why he needs to cop a feel (so that he doesn’t get distracted by Kiss-Shot’s enormous breasts when fighting her) is that it was even stupider than she was expecting. Because she was expecting a stupid justification, and is preparing herself to accept it regardless!

He doesn’t end up going through with it, which is probably better for the both of them all things considered, but does once again establish Koyomi as a massive coward. 

In any case, I really think these fanservice scenes help establish Hanekawa as a character who is willing to objectify herself for the sake of approval from others. That’s not to say she’s easily influenced, but rather that the self-satisfaction that she’s chasing, the life she’s chosen, is one where she’s constantly required to sacrifice her self.

Self-sacrifice and self-satisfaction

Again, this contrast between being a good person and a ‘happy’ one. The hypothetical ‘truly’ self-sacrificing person would do so to satisfy the desires of others, not just their own.

What Koyomi did for Kiss-Shot may have been beautiful, he says, but it wasn’t right. He saw the situation in the way that was most convenient for him, only chose to help the person that looked like she needed saving and ignored the consequences to anyone else. 

As long as I was weak, Kiss-Shot says. As long as they’re weak, as long as they look like they’re suffering, Koyomi would save anyone. 

Like Hanekawa puts it, he just doesn’t like it when people die. Even though he wouldn’t mind that much if he did. 

Previously I've discussed how Hitagi's oddity led to, and in doing so came to represent, her isolation and inability to connect with others. Koyomi's vampirism does something similar. He talks a big game about how having friends might increase the burden on him, but isn't the thing he's most worried about here that he might become a burden on his friends, that they would give up too much for him, that his selfish, vampiric nature would influence him into draining them dry? 

Vampirism doesn’t represent a freedom from social connections, it makes you far more reliant on humans than you were already. Not in the sense of having a mutual relationship with them, but a one-way predator-prey dynamic. 

This is why Koyomi barely even considers Kiss-Shot responsible for her actions. It's only natural that she, as a vampire, would eat humans. It's necessary for her survival. She herself doesn't understand it to be evil, so the only one he can blame is himself for enabling her to do so. 

It's a dysfunctional relationship. He takes Kiss-Shot's burdens upon himself precisely because of his intensity as a human. She herself doesn't feel burdened by the deaths she causes at all. Because she's a vampire.

It's Hanekawa that saves him by saying that it would be running away from his responsibilities and that the only solution is for him to be the one to defeat Kiss-Shot. For him to die here would just be self-satisfaction, the sacrifice wouldn’t achieve anything. 

But look at how she approaches this.

She sees Koyomi's fear of becoming a danger to people around him and accepts it instantly. He can eat her, if he wants. It’s a similar thing to the fanservice scenes. Setting no boundaries, reminding Koyomi that he, in fact, isn’t that willing to hurt other people. 

Koyomi isn't put in the position of needing to understand Hanekawa, of desperately trying to connect with her. She's the one that insists on helping him. He's the one that tries to throw her off, act as though her kindness isn't needed.

To Koyomi, Hanekawa is the one doing an unwanted favour, one that he eventually realises is what saved his life. 

Because Koyomi, unlike the previous arcs, isn’t the one that has to help a person dealing with the oddity. The one dealing with the oddity is him. Hanekawa is the one who supports and reaches out to him. But she can’t solve the problem for him. She can’t make the decision.

In the end, all he can do is go ahead and save himself.

Kizumonogatari

Why do vampires even work like that, anyway? 

That thralls are made by default when sucking blood, and to avoid turning someone, the vampire can consume them entirely, makes sense. It allows for the drama of realising that Kiss-Shot deliberately kept Koyomi as a thrall. It also ensures that Kiss-Shot’s existence is, no way how you go about it, a crime. To feed she must kill, or else turn more people into vampires.

But the only way of turning back to a human - the way that Hanekawa could apparently find by looking it up in the library - is to feed from the one who turned you, and kill them. A symbolic act of defying their control. (In the same way that patting Kiss-Shot’s head is an important proof of subjugation?) 

Here, though, it’s presented as something that Kiss-Shot was planning to do to Koyomi, a technique of freeing one’s thrall that she gained the ability to use since her first died.

It all goes full circle. Being a vampire is about dying. For Koyomi, who was killed by Kiss-Shot to become one. For Kiss-Shot, who seeks to die in order to change him back. 

There’s a sense of balance to it. No doubt Oshino was pleased. Vampires are the Kings of Oddities, beings powerful enough that they don’t really have to follow the rules, but at the same time, they’re self-balancing. 90% of vampire deaths are by suicide. 

Oddities are, by nature, self-balancing. It’s why Oshino doesn’t go seeking them out of his own accord. Perhaps he can’t. He’s just an intermediary between here and there, after all. He has to be contacted by one side to start the process. There has to be some evidence of unhappiness, of a desire to change the situation. 

Koyomi is put in this position time and time again in Bakemonogatari, asking Oshino to intervene on the behalf of the people he encounters. 

Yet in Kizumonogatari, he is, from start to end, not on the side of any person. He’s on the side of the monsters. It’s on Kiss-Shot’s behalf that he begs Oshino to intervene, because a balance that forces one party to suffer alone is not a balance he can abide.

He can’t save Kiss-Shot. He can’t end her suffering. If anything, you can argue he made it worse. 

What he can do is take a portion of her burden on himself, literally lower his ‘intensity as a human’ by retaining some of his vampire traits, and keep her alive. He keeps traces of the wound she inflicted on him, in exchange for the wounds he inflicts on her lasting forever as well. “Damaged goods both, we sought out each other.” They each have a bit of themselves missing now, something they can only find in each other. 

It’s selfishness, unquestionably. He’s fine with that. He knows he’s doing something that will hurt her. He’s fine with that. 

That’s the difference. The fear of his own vampiric selfishness is gone now. For better or worse, from this point he’s okay with being a bit insistent in getting to know people, not afraid of possibly hurting them in an attempt to help. 

He’s persistent in pursuing Hitagi, not just because his vampire abilities allow him to recover from the wounds she inflicts, but because his experience as a vampire reminds him how low someone can be dragged by isolation, and how much someone stretching out a hand can help. 

Coming into Kizumonogatari it feels like Bakemonogatari’s vampiric inversion, but by the end it’s clearly more like a prototype, at least when it comes to Koyomi’s attitude. His first stumbling attempts at helping.

And that’s all for now. No funny anime pictures this time! It was a deliberate choice, I promise, not because I just forgot to take screenshots while rewatching the movies (oops . . . ). But, I mean, I barely touched on the adaptation in this essay anyway, preferring to work off the text of the novel where possible. Considering the level of artistry on display in the movies, they probably deserve their own post. Which I will not be making any time soon, because oh my god I want to get to Nise already. 

[nadekofannumber1]

Monogatari sympathy empathy alignments (spitballing edition)

Senjougahara: has over all fairly normal amounts of sympathy and empathy IMO but the last few years have been hard for her so she’s just getting back into it.

Hachikuji: she’s got a lot of both both, dying as a kid (so before the world taught her to be less kind) and spending that time between that and now by trying to keep ppl from falling for her curse is empathetic behavior and via godhood she can now extend her sympathies and empathies to as many ppl as she wants

Kanbaru: very empathetic and sympathetic, honestly a big ball of emotions and feelings.

Nadeko: has empathy but not a lot of sympathy, the type to not want to look at the screen when something embarrassing happens but not feel anything when something bad happens to someone irl so she just performs that social nicety but in the most minimal way she can.

Hanekawa: she doesn’t really do sympathy or empathy mentally but is great at performing it, a lot of her arcs show her performance socially but creates a gap between that and her feelings, she likes doing good things and what’s right but doesn’t really feel much about it empathy or sympathy wise, it’s the being justice oriented and having a strong moral compass thing. (Hanekawa ego death factors somewhere into this)

Karen: probably an average amount of both but a lot of it feeds into her ego and sense of purpose so take that as you will. She’s just more oriented around her own ego so the vibe feels off to specific people (Koyomi araragi)

Tsukihi: low sympathy pretty good empathy high ego, empathetic if she understands you, will hit you with a rock if she doesn’t, lacking in any particular justice orientation

Koyomi: punches a wall mentally every day he can’t save a woman, high on both

Ougi: very empathetic in that they know how you feel and why but uses it exclusively to fuck with you. No sympathy

Sodachi: struggles with empathy but high sympathy, highly justice oriented but doesn’t get others, highly affected by perceived wrongs but does not feel them fully. She’s terrible at social cues

Yotsugi: doesn’t do sympathy or empathy, this is a corpse doll

Shinobu: had a lot of good empathy and sympathy but the years have not done it well for nurturing it lol, so not a lot now a days but who’s to say how the future will be

This is all I got for now I’m willing to take criticism and amend the post, this was a fun exercise! I recommend doing it yourself as well, even for other series. I did factor ego into some of these because it’s like intrinsically tied to some characters empathy. Ego is also a fun one factor to as in and think on for characters.

Didn’t do specialists bc I didn’t know how to do all of them.

[studentofetherium]

What do you like about Sodachi Oikura?

in short,

to use a few more words,

Sodachi Oikura is the harshest and most realistic representation of depression i've seen and certainly the most relatable. she has a painful awareness of her own issues but that cannot save her because understanding why and how she is the way she is will not change the fact that she is that way. she's depressed, she self-hates, and she lashes out at others. she holds grudges even when she knows deep down that those grudges won't ever make anything better for her. she has psychological problems and she knows it, but that doesn't make it any better

even confronting the ostensible problem does nothing to save her. she hates Koyomi so much, has fostered this hate against him for years and let it build and fester, but when she finally talks to him, he tries to be kind. but she can't accept that. forgiveness isn't an easy thing especially when a single person has been put on such a pedestal

in a series where everything is externalized and distanced through supernatural phenomena, Sodachi is the one character who's problems are literal and direct. there's no monster to blame for what happened to her. her mom, her dad, Koyomi, the cops, teachers who failed to notice what was happening to her, and Sodachi herself. they're all just people with mortal failings. some certainly deserve more blame than others, but it's a world's difference from Suruga or Nadeko's problems

in and out of the series, Sodachi is such a unique character for how her story is handled. it's starke, it's harsh, it's uncomfortable, it's brutal, it's real. it's painful to sit through, made all the worse because of Marina Inoue's heartbreaking performance

Sodachi is, without a doubt, my favorite character in fiction. there's nothing else like her story out there

[miriamundertale]

im going to be utterly deranged and spoiler heavy for monogatari and call of the night (specifically the manga) here but thats your warning

see the thing is that like. mahiru and kiku's arc is like such a weird perfect foil to koyomi and kiss-shot/shinobu's arc. both are a vampire who wants to die, and a human who inexplicably comes and to the vampire appears to fulfill their wish, but the human chooses to disregard the vampires opinion in order to meet their own desire. kiku just wanted to actually truly die. kiss-shot was looking to finally die. they both found their human through chance, either unexpectedly fulfilling plans or readjusting them for a better path. the real core of what makes them different, is the humans, specifically in how they subvert the desires of the vampire theyve met.

kiss-shot's death specifically in reguards to koyomi serves as a direct parallel to his own moral code. kiss shot doesn't want to die any old way, the second she really starts to be near death at the start of kizu she's desparate for koyomi to save her. kiss shot wants to be a martyr. kiss shot chooses to die as a "heroic sacrifice" for koyomi to regain his humanity. sadly for her, koyomi does the exact same back to her, and sacrifices his shot at humanity again to "save" her. kiss-shot's death is undone by the nature that she tried to inflict on someone else.

kiku and mahiru arent as perfectly connected the way koyomi and kiss-shot are, partially due to a large part of call of the night being pretty clearly on the fly narrative writing done by kotoyama (please season 3 confirmation too, itamura is so good at improving the rough edges of early cotn's narrative i cannot wait for an anime adaptation of the kiku arc), and more largely due to the fact that kotoyama is Not Nisio Isin. even so, they both are in a sense, saviors to each other, more explicitly through love. which. yknow. is unsuprising considering call of the night has from chapter 1 been kinda obsessed with weird angles on it but. not to tangent much. mahiru essentially gains his only way of handling his mothers mistreatment of him through not just meeting kiku as a teenager, but meeting her as a child after the loss of his brother and gaining a frame to process the world that works for him. i think the obvious angle with kiku wanting to die and mahiru being a real shot for her finally is pretty clear, but i think the process that a vampire falling in love with a human goes through is just as interesting of an angle to explore for this. her heart starts beating again. she loses vampiric powers. she becomes human again through mahiru. of course, like koyomi, mahiru ends up essentially "betraying" her wants on from the two of them, but in an entirely different way. she desparately wants him to live after, gives him guides to stay safe, teaches him how to destroy every single personal posession so nothing could be used against him once he turns and she's not there to protect him. the tragedy is that kiku is as inexperienced as every single other person in the story when it comes to love. why would mahiru want to live afterwards? when given the option of living without one of the 3 people in the world that made anything worth living, or dying, he chose death.

i think theres probably a lot more to say, i love that they both pose the question "what would you choose, either you living and your partner dying or you both dying" and mahiru answers honestly with both dying while koyomi scribbles both answers out to go "what if we both... half die?"

sorry for all of that im going to go explode now

[whentranslatorscry]

Hitagi Honeymoon

011

From that point on, our boring time in the car was spent discussing thought experiments and similar topics such as the prisoner's dilemma, the Stanford Prison Experiment, the Milgram Experiment, Turtle Soup¹, and the marshmallow test. Before we knew it, we reached our first-day destination— the campsite at Nasu Highlands— by early evening.

Miraculously, we arrived without any accidents, disputes, or situations that could have led to a “Tochigi divorce” in place of a “Narita divorce.” Hitagi was, in fact, quite pleased that she managed to drive the long distance without once relinquishing the wheel (although we did take breaks at service areas as a safety priority).

Her satisfaction may have been due, in part, to the decreasing opportunities to drive offered by the growing prevalence of remote work and online shopping. Though she seemed aloof from the world, there may have been an element of stress or frustration accumulating.

My best friend, Oikura, told me that I might as well die for even entertaining the thought of going on a long-distance road trip and sleeping in a car for my honeymoon (her use of “die” was her endearing mannerism). But maybe, in this aspect alone, she had unexpectedly— and uncharacteristically for me— hit the mark.

We had read it in the guidebook, but the vast beauty of nature that greeted us was beyond our wildest imagination— and it looked like we had been blessed with good weather, too.

Though not to say that there wasn’t a single cloud, it was a brilliantly sunny day with a vibrant blue sky. Honestly, I had assumed that Hachikuji Daimyoujin's spiritual guidance would have been little more than a comforting thought, but it appeared to have been genuinely effective— which, in turn, gave rise to a nagging sense of guilt, like a tugging at the back of my hair. Maybe we should save visiting the Nikko Toshogu and Futarasan Shrines for another day.

“I wonder how far it’d be to the Killing Stone.”

“Ah, the ever-vigilant worker, Koyomi. I just checked the map app for you, and it seems to be within walking distance.”

“Really now?”

“About an hour and a half on foot. Up a mountain path.”

“Please lend me the car.”

It seemed that even now, she was reluctant to let anyone else take the wheel— despite us being no strangers anymore. But then it dawned on me: with the change in her surname, did she need to change the registration details of the minivan in question?

If so, that’d be a niggling deal for sure.

Not just for my dear, but for me as well.²

Anyhow, although they were still tentatively feeling each other out, Hitagi and Shinobu's first meeting and conversation, though awkward, can be said to have not resulted in a killing spree— it was a bit of a let-down in the sense that we had expected irregularities in the trip, but on the other hand, we wouldn’t want another development like that between Kanbaru and Shinobu.

It was difficult to tell since both were so composed, but they looked tense, and I felt it too— lucky for us, Kanbaru, who doesn't read the atmosphere, was there to help.

We were blessed not only with good weather but also with such a good junior— so Shinobu was now back in my shadow.

It was a beneficial byproduct of Hachikuji's influence on the weather: as a former vampire, Shinobu wasn't very fond of sunlight. So it was worth considering a visit to Nikko³ Toshogu Shrine.

Well, having lost enough power to be deemed harmless by professionals, going out in sunlight wouldn’t turn her to ash, but there were traits and instincts that couldn’t be lost simply by changing her name— traits that were inevitably present.

Like the fear of heights even with fall prevention guardrails in place.

Becoming Assistant Inspector Araragi or Agent Araragi didn’t mean everything about the boy Araragi would be lost— even those aspects that one would want to lose. Things like a honeymoon in the car.

So, after the meeting with my dear wife, forced on me in a most casual manner, Shinobu went to take a midday nap in my shadow— by the time I went to check the broken Killing Stone at night, she would wake up.

Following Kanbaru's advice, I decided not to surprise Hitagi in the car with the proposal of making Shinobu our adopted daughter. But if it wasn't going to be a surprise, when should I bring up the topic?

I think we needed to discuss it during the honeymoon and it really wasn't something that could be decided remotely— but first of all.

We had to get through this whole glamping.

As evidenced by my use of the phrase “get through,” I had never been the camping type, though if push came to shove, I could manage an outdoor sleep… And the same went for Hitagi.

“I'd heard rumors about this, but I never imagined that the tents here in glamping would be like actual houses. It looks more like a lunar base than a tent. Even more magnificent than my apartment.”

As we stood before the impressive dome-shaped tent, which required no pegs or stakes, Hitagi looked a little confused.

Our thoughts and impressions seemed to coincide.

From the outside, it had looked more rugged, like a giant snow dome, but inside, it was indeed a respectable house. Even if Oikura had joined us, though she had declined or rather rejected it, there was plenty of space to accommodate her comfortably.

I could live here forever.

“My boathouse back in Washington pales in comparison.”

“Wait a minute, Araragi-senpai. Araragi-senpai lives in a boathouse in Washington?”

“Yeah, it's always been a dream of mine. When you visit, you should spend the night.”

“When I return to the U.S. someday, I'd love to live in a trailer house, ” my automobile-obsessed wife declared before turning to address her junior without a honorific. “As you've likely heard, neither I nor Koyomi are of any use when it comes to camping. So, we're relying on you, who seems to have led a rich campus life, to help us out— especially when it comes to tonight's barbecue.”

“Ah, well, I'm not sure I'd be of much help either. You both know how rustic I can be, so I only barbecue about once a week since starting college.”

More than enough, I'd say.

She’d probably already surpassed my entire lifetime's worth of barbecue experience by now.

“Hmm, I heard that glamping allows you to come empty-handed, but in the end, we still have to cook for ourselves, don't we?”

“Well, Araragi-senpai, it’s debatable if barbecue is considered 'cooking'…”

“Of course it's cooking. The way the meat is cut, the way it's skewered— all of it makes a difference in the taste.”

As we had never done this before, our attempts were admittedly mixed with quite a bit of Hitagi's conjecture. But, if the essence of cooking was in the gathering of ingredients, then this campsite had us newlyweds amply taken care of.

There was no shortage of food supplies or cooking utensils.

And they had even prepared a bouquet of naturally sourced flowers for our tent… and Hitagi seemed delighted with such a royal surprise, so I began to wonder whether I should broach the topic about the Shinobu thing out of the blue tomorrow night…

“Oh, speaking of which, Araragi-senpai… and Araragi-senpai.”

“Can you really tell the difference between us? Aren't you getting confused yourself?”

“Allow me to officiate today's barbecue, but tell me, how do you two usually handle food and cooking in your daily lives? I’m curious.”

“Well, I generally eat out. I hardly ever cook for myself anymore.”

“As for me, it's not like I cook, but I don't really eat out either. I bring take-out back to my place and eat at the boathouse.”

“I think you're mentioning living in a boathouse way too much, Araragi-senpai. Well, whether you and Araragi-senpai will share a boathouse or a trailer house in the future remains uncertain. But, I can't help but wonder, how would the household chores be divided up between the two of you?”

“We don’t drink sweet nectar all the time, you know.”

“That’s not really a phrase.”

“I work hard to afford a maid,” was Hitagi's Western-like reply.

She didn't seem to be joking.

“I'm sure Koyomi would have no objection to that. But, I must add, if this were high school Koyomi, he might become overly dependent on the maid. (Haha)”

“Don’t (Haha) me.”

I don't think I had ever demonstrated any particular liking for maids, but then again, our memories of the past can be quite unreliable, right? My nostalgia for only being interested in the braided glasses-wearing class president might very well be a distorted memory.

Well, I must admit that I'd never want to ask Hitagi to be a stay at home wife either, nor would I believe that I myself could handle all the household work flawlessly. Of all the various names one could use, “housekeeper” simply didn't suit us.

Rather than a maid, I had a feeling that hiring a housekeeper would maybe be the best answer for the Araragi household.

We did have the means, thanks to our double income, and considering that one of our jobs came with the risk to life, our salary was—classified, to say the least.

“Alright, I understand. Then, as a maid, I shall accompany you to the United States—”

“Don’t give up on your dreams.”

At least go to the U.S. to study at a medical school or something… Well, Kanbaru in high school might have seriously considered that, but it would be a light joke for twenty-three-year-old Kanbaru to make.

One could even call it a heavy joke.

“First of all, you're not exactly cut out for housework, are you? I never thought I'd be cleaning your house just a few days before my wedding.”

“I always thought that one day you would suddenly become capable of tidying up, but, alas, it never happened.”

“But still, my adorable Kanbaru, you're the only one who can't clean but can cook, right? And not just barbecue.”

That's a strong follow-up from Araragi-senpai.

So strong that Hitagi, who had taken Kanbaru along on our honeymoon, might have been seriously considering hiring her as a live-in housekeeper. If Shinobu was the adopted daughter, would Kanbaru be the babysitter?

That'd be quite the sitcom.

Putting it bluntly, it’d be a Full House.

Apparently, there's a sequel called Fuller House as well… I haven't seen it yet, but I definitely will someday.

“Well, to answer seriously, I want to be a sports doctor, which means that I would also be responsible for managing an athlete's diet in some capacity. That's why I'm currently working hard to learn a variety of dishes while I still can.”

That was a serious answer for sure. Even Hitagi wouldn't think of forcibly taking her once-junior to America after hearing that. It was as if she had drawn a line that couldn't be crossed.

In the strictest sense, managing nutrition should be a dietician's job, but the sense of mission to learn the basics of cooking for oneself was admirable enough to look up to.

“Thanks to that, I've become a better cook, but as you said, my cleaning is a different story. The kitchen sink’s always overflowing with dishes and food scraps.”

“Don't go expanding your territory, now.”

That remark caught me off-guard… Once the honeymoon is over and we return home, I must clean Kanbaru’s kitchen before leaving for America.

What a shame. I was impressed at first.

“Your sense of duty to clean up Kanbaru's territory is impressive, Koyomi. I take back what I said before, perhaps with you around, there's no need to hire a maid after all. We can handle meals with dining out and take-outs, can't we?”

“Hey, Araragi-senpai, how about we put Araragi-senpai in a maid outfit?”

“Regardless of whichever one of us were to wear it, adults don’t kid around, Kanbaru-kun.”

While leaving the cutting and skewering of the meat for the BBQ to the professional Kanbaru, it seems even I wouldn’t be without a job to do in this campsite. Following around Kanbaru, I'd earn my keep by diligently cleaning up dishes and food scraps.

“By the way, Koyomi, don’t you have to wake up Shinobu-san… I mean, Shinobu? There's enough food prepared for everyone, after all.”

“Ahh, it's alright. She usually only eats Mister Donut, anyway. Plus, the timing’s just right for me to let her suck my blood before heading to the Killing Stone.”

“I see. So, while it seems like an errand, you're actually taking it pretty seriously, huh?”

Well, yeah.

After all, our opponent was an aberration older than Shinobu— you can never be too cautious, and there's no guarantee that we won't end up caught in some sort of fox trap.

Prev Chapter | Next Chapter

Turtle Soup is a guessing game in which you repeatedly ask questions from a seemingly strange set of questions to arrive at an answer. It is also called lateral thinking quiz. The rules are simple, so even children can play. The other experiments should be well known, or search them on the web.

Pun on 細々, little details, and 細君(my dear), yet another word for wife.

日光nikko=sunlight

[klaptl]

KLAP Translation Part 6

Beginning of the Sports Festival

Koyomi: "..."

Koyomi: "......"

Koyomi: "....Ugh."

Koyomi: "...Alright...!"

――Morning.

Staring up at my now familiar ceiling, I gradually woke up.

Koyomi: "Urrrgh... *yawn*...Nnn...."

The sky was clear blue. The birds chirped a pretty tune. ――Then appeared an Ittan momen*, flowing in the air with the wind.

Ittan momen: "Ahh?! I-I'm being blown away~?!"

Koyomi: "......"

Koyomi: "Ahh... What a nice morning."

Mother, Father… 

It seems that I have grown accustomed to life in the supernatural world of Aima, living among UMA.

Koyomi: (That being said... I'm particularly worried about returning to regular society...)

Though I felt uneasy, I can't help being used to my current state, so there's no point in worrying about that now.

(Yeah. I'll postpone that problem for as long as I can...)

Ignoring the problem staring me in the face, I readied myself for my day as a trainer.

Koyomi: "Let's see... Got my attendance book. I made copies of the print outs to hand out to everyone, and I have my training whip with me today...!"

Koyomi: "Yeah, all set!"

Nurarihyon: "Hahaha! Aren't you looking like a full-fledged trainer?"

Koyomi: "Principal...! No, I..."

Koyomi: "I'm still far from it. Even in class I feel like I'm being saved more than the other way around..."

Koyomi: "Plus, there's still so much I don't know about UMA."

Nurarihyon: "Hehe, no one is perfect from the beginning. The seeds of success can only bloom with perseverance and a strong will to see it through."

Nurarihyon: "It's essential to continue your efforts to support your own volitions." 

From the way he was speaking, it seemed to hint that hard times were ahead... But even so, somehow his words felt kind and warm.

Nurarihyon: "But really...it's a shame."

Nurarihyon: "I'm sure you'll become a good trainer. At this rate, next year I'll have to refer you to a high school in the metro area..."

Koyomi: "In the metro area――"

Koyomi: (Ohh, that's right. When I started my job here, the principal had made that promise to me.)

Nurarihyon: "...One year. If you can sufficiently fulfill your role as a trainer in that time, I will secure you a job at a Tokyo metro-area high school."

Koyomi: "Eh... Are you serious?!"

Nurarihyon: "That much I can." 

Nurarihyon: "The terms are that you need to work here a full year but… On that matter, as long as we have an established understanding, I don't mind."

Koyomi: (Of course when that time comes, I'll be leaving this place...)

Koyomi: "......"

Nurarihyon: "Hm? Why the displeased face?"

Koyomi: "N-No! It's nothing...!"

Koyomi: "Um... I'll think about it when I really have to."

Koyomi: "For now, I'll try to concentrate just on making my class graduate, and not dwell on the details...!"

Nurarihyon: "Hehe. I see. Indeed, it may be best to proceed steadily, and take it all at your own pace.”

Yeah, at my own pace, one step at a time. I'll take the path that is before me. What my future has in store… Will be determined with my efforts here.

Koyomi: "Alright, everyone! It's time for homeroom!"

The classroom was bustling and noisy as normal… Today, the students seemed somehow restless. Like there was something going on in them that they're unsure about...

Ryou: "1,027...! 1,028...!!"

Right in front of the desk, for some reason Ryou-kun was doing push-ups with a very serious face. Beside him was...

Camil: "10,056 times, 10,05… Wait? How many times was it...?"

I'm not sure where in the world his strength was coming from, was easily doing push-ups with just one finger. It was a more abnormal scene than usual.

Koyomi: "What's going on today, everyone? It seems more lively than usual..." 

When I asked that question, Ryou-kun took a break from his pushups and answered.

Ryou: "Isn't it obvious! We have a Sports Festival at the end of the month, you know?!"

――Sports Festival.

Hearing that phrase, I somehow completely understood the situation.

Koyomi: "Ohh... That's right. Now that you mention it, that was brought up in the staff meeting the other day."

Ryou: "No no! Sensei! You gotta get more hyped up about it! When the time comes ya gotta give it your all you know?!"

Ryou: "Our class always takes home the victory! Right, everyone?!"

Agreement from across the entire classroom echoed in Reply to Ryou-kun's statement.

Sousuke: "Urgh... I really hate hot, humid weather..."

Akito: "Well, there will be plenty of chances to appeal to the ladies. I guess I'll at least put in some effort for them." 

There were a few exceptions but… Apparently the whole class is getting pumped and really looking forward to the Sports Festival. Then, I realized something.

Koyomi: "Yomi School's Sports Festival, so like a UMA haunted Sports Festival? Then...would it take place in a graveyard at night?" 

I was only speaking to myself but...

Sousuke-kun had heard me from a distance, and looked towards me with a snicker.

Sousuke: "Haaah? Why would we do a Sports Festival at night? Besides, doing it in a graveyard is ridiculous! Are you an idiot? A hag? A fat pig?"

Koyomi: "E-Excuse you...! We have weird expectations in the human realm, okay? It's an unspoken rule!"

Koyomi: "And that later-half you just said! That has nothing to do with what I said!"

Kanade: "Nyah nya. Now now, Sousuke. You must hold more respect for our Madam, you know?"

Koyomi: "Yeah! Just as Kanade-kun said!"

I puffed out my chest, and was met by a cold look from Sousuke-kun.

Sousuke: "If you need a student to defend you, you're no teacher that deserves respect."

Koyomi: "Urrrrggghhhh...!"

As that went on, I thought about how humans and UMA alike look forward to events like Sports Festival.

Seeing them all get pumped up and excited made it seem like any other school out there.

But what was most surprising… The one who seemed most motivated of all was Touma-kun.

Touma: "It's class vs. class during the sports festival. Of course, teach's one of our artillery too. You better get psyched up too!"

Koyomi: "Ehh?! M-Me too?!"

He said that to me so nonchalantly but, I'm not a UMA; I'm just a regular human. With the Sports Festival, if I end up colliding with anyone or anything, I don't think I'll get out unscathed...

Touma: "We ain't losing to any other class, or any other opponent for that matter...!"

The moment Touma-kun spat out that statement… The door to the classroom was forcefully opened, and a blinding spotlight shined through.

Koyomi: "Ehh?! W-What's going on?!"

From his feet emitted a thick fog.

???: "Huuuuuuuuuh?! And whoooo has a limber nose?!"

Uten & Saten: "Why, Haruka of course!"

Haruka: "AH HA HA HA! Why of course! My nose is the most limber and beautiful of them all!"

Touma: "Tsk... There he is! That damn Haruka...!"

Akito: "Ahhh, here comes trouble..."

Shaking off the rising smoke, Haruka-kun brazenly made his way toward us. Wait...

Koyomi: "H-Haruka-kun...?! It's already time for homeroom. You have to get back to your own class...!"

Haruka: "Hehe, what's wrong, lady? You rushed over to me so impatiently. Don't tell me...you wish to touch my nose?" 

...Amazing! He didn't hear a single word I said!

Kanade: "It's no use, Madam. It's best to leave him be, without encouraging him."

Touma: "Hey, you. Why you walking here like you own the place?"

Haruka: "Hehe. Our classes will battle at this month's Sports Festival… Let's settle our little dispute once and for all! I've come to make a pledge."

Touma: "...Huh? Dispute? Make a pledge?"

Haruka: "Why yes, exactly! Between the distinguished Nagato Tengu Clan, and your collapsed Mimasaka Clan..."

Haruka: "Originally, I believed anyone could understand who was the most refined of the two by far..."

Haruka: "It sounds most unfortunate. Many poor souls do not understand who is the most refined."

Haruka: "Therefore! We will set the stage at the Sports Festival, and truly decide who is the superior between us!"

Haruka: "Though, of course it will be my class who will be victorious!"

Haruka: "Bwaaah ha ha ha ha!!"

Uten & Saten: "As expected of Haruka-sama! He's so cool!"

Touma: "Gr...! Bring it on...! All will be settled when we're victorious at the festival...! Don't complain when that almighty nose of yours gets blown off...!"

Haruka: "Hehe...! That is the spirit, my long standing foe, Mimasaka Touma...! Try not to make an utter fool of yourself, if you can!"

Haruka: "Bwaaah ha ha ha ha!!"

Haruka & Uten & Saten: "Bwaaah ha ha ha ha!!"

Akito: "He came in to say what he wanted and just left right after… Day in and day out, he just does as he pleases."

Kanade: "Those in the Tengu Clan come in almost like a storm."

Touma: "Huh... What do you mean a storm, with that small-fry Tengu...!"

Touma-kun looked around him and raised his voice.

Touma: "Alright you bunch! For this year's Sports Festival, no matter what our class has gotta wipe the floor to smash in Haruka's nose, and take the championship...!"

Everyone's reaction to Touma-kun's fierce statement varied.

Sousuke: "Ahhh… He lets the taunts go straight to his head. He's a really simple idiot~"

Kanade: "Aye. Let us fight for triumph!"

Akito: "I'll try to put in some effort. Just enough to not look uncool."

Camil: "13,746. 13,747. 13,74...6?"

Koyomi: "......"

Koyomi: (I...don't see any sort of unity among them...)

He said that it's class on class but, will we really be okay like this...? Since that day and until the day of the Sports Festival...

Our class has been engaging in "special training".

――The relay race

Touma: "OHHHHHHRAAAAAAA!"

Koyomi: "W-Wow...! You're extremely fast, Touma-kun!" 

But isn't it against the rules to fly through the relay race...?!

――The ball toss

Camil: "...Yeah, bull's eye."

Koyomi: "Um... Camil-kun. What are you doing...?"

Camil: "...? The ball toss..."

That's not the ball toss though, Camil-kun...!

――Giant ball Roll

Kanade: "Meow meow! Let's go, everyone! Roll it around magnificently~!"

Koyomi: "In the hallway?! You're practicing ball rolling in the hallway?! Wait, if you do that...!"

Shion: "......"

Koyomi: "AH?! Sheesh, I told you, didn't I?!"

Kanade: "Urgh meow?! Re-Retreeeeat! Withdraw, withdraw!!"

And with that… For a few more days, we repeatedly trained extra hard… We couldn't wait for the day of the Sports Festival, the day of our showdown.

Koyomi: (Everyone has worked very hard, so we'll definitely take home the win...!)

Finally, the day of the Sports Festival arrived. Usually the staff members would work quietly in the staff room, but today there was a sort of restlessness permeating.

Koyomi: "Urgh... For some reason, there’s a lot of tension going on...!"

Similarly, I've been restless since this morning.

Shion: "Good morning."

Koyomi: "Oh, Shion-sensei. Good morning."

Even at times like these, Shion-sensei is the same as usual.

Koyomi: (I haven't seen him today, but Hyuga-sensei is probably the same as always. He doesn't look the type who'd like sports festivals...)

Koyomi: "Today is finally the Sports Festival."

Shion: "Yes. The weather should be perfect for the Sports Festival today.

Koyomi: "......"

Shion: "What's wrong?"

Koyomi: "Oh... I-It's nothing. Just hearing you say so calmly that the weather today was perfect."

Koyomi: "I thought you disliked noisy events..."

Shion: "Hehe... Far from it. Today has been a long, anticipated day for the students. We're here to cheer on the students; I can't hate it."

Koyomi: "Y-Yeah you're right!"

Koyomi: "For them all to work together with their peers and to give it their all..."

Koyomi: "Seeing the students like that kinda gives you a pleasant feeling, I think." 

Shion-sensei smiled and nodded towards my words.

Koyomi: (Somehow or another, it really does seem that Shion-sensei cares deeply for the students...)

Shion: "Yes, certainly. In spite of their best efforts there will be many faces of sorrow and regret after a great defeat."

Shion: "Seeing all those faces will be pleasant for sure." 

Ah, to say something so absurd with a bright smile on his face...!

Koyomi: "Well...anyway! Let's each of us do our best as well!"

The usually quiet classroom was more lively than usual. It was the day of the Sports Festival, and everyone was brimming with determination.

Sousuke: "Fwah~ ...Everyone is too excited~"

...Well, with the exception of Sousuke-kun… Incidentally, there are Physical Education classes, but they don't seem to follow the notion of changing into track suits.

Koyomi: (It was strange, considering they would change into casual clothes.)

Well, I know the cultural background is different, but I can't draw the line to see the difference between them. Later, we explained the rules and regulations on the pamphlet of rules we handed out beforehand.

Koyomi: "So, that's about the gist of it? Does anyone have any questions?"

There was little reaction towards the question. Everyone seems to be antsy to start competing against one another.

Koyomi: "Then... the meeting adjourned! Everyone, when it is time to start please gather at the meet grounds."

Students: "Okaaaaay." 

After the students' responses...

Touma: "Alright, we have some time before it starts… Why don't we do some warm-ups?"

Akito: "I'll just do whatever, I guess. If I'm with the ladies, I'd be exhausted before I even start doing sports..."

As he said that, everyone else split up to head to wherever they pleased.

Before it's time to start the Sports Festival… Where should I spend my time?

> At the gymnasium

> At the cafeteria

> At the grounds

Option: At the gymnasium

When I arrived at the gymnasium, there was Touma-kun, filled with unimaginable fighting spirit and putting in great effort into his warm-ups.

Touma: "Alright! Perfect form!"

Koyomi: "Wow...! You're a lot more motivated than usual, Touma-kun. Usually you'd be indifferent though."

Touma: "Well you know...! Sometimes, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do!"

Koyomi: "Though, just the other day it looked like you were sound asleep during the last quiz... Was I mistaken?"

Touma: "Well, that was...! It... That's not important!"

Koyomi: (Not important huh...)

Sousuke: "He's been so annoying this whole time, hmph. Sensei, go take care of this fired-up garbage and throw him out somewhere~"

As a free spirit as always, Sousuke-kun seemed to be using a gym mat in place of a bed.

Sousuke: "But really... If you're this fired-up already, will you really last the entire time?"

Sousuke: "You're getting muggy and irritating so… Lemme cool your head a bit."

Sousuke-kun lightly waved his arm, and Touma-kun's hair crackled frozen stiff.

Touma: "Wha?! So cold?! What did you do?!"

Sousuke: "What do you mean, I just cooled off your head? If you hate is so, you should just leave the gym. Touma's being too annoying~"

Touma: "Huuuuuh?! If it's that much of a pain, why don't YOU go somewhere else instead?!"

Koyomi: "Alright alright, no fighting you two. But..."

> Side with Touma

> Side with Sousuke

Option: Side with Touma

Koyomi: "Sousuke-kun? Touma-kun is really eager for today, so you shouldn't bother him, okay?"

Sousuke: "Huh~? Why do I have to be scolded? I don't understand the meaning behind it..."

Koyomi: "Because today is the long-awaited Sports Festival. Sousuke-kun, instead of something like taking a nap, why not try warming-up together?"

Koyomi: "I think it's pretty fun to earnestly challenge something."

Touma: "...Huh! Wow man, that was a pretty good line there?"

Koyomi: "...I'm not 'man', I'm 'Sensei'."

While rebuking Touma-kun, Sousuke-kun pouted and turned away.

Sousuke: "I don't really like that kind of passionate view on things..."

Sousuke: "...Well, Tengu like Haruka kinda rubbed me the wrong way, I'll put in the minimum effort needed to beat him. That's fine, right?"

Koyomi: "Yeah. Whatever the reason, I'm happy as long as you're having fun, Sousuke-kun."

Option: Side with Touma-kun

Koyomi: "Touma-kun, it's fine to be eager and motivated but you can't be forceful to others, okay?"

Koyomi: "You're usually adverse towards things you think of as bothersome, don't forget." 

Touma: "Well... Sure."

He quickly understood my point, and meekly nodded in agreement.

Koyomi: "...However. Sousuke-kun, this is your Sports Festival as well, so why not approach this a bit more seriously?"

Koyomi: "Plus... Oh, I know. I'll treat you to some victory juice! Well? How about that? Does that bring the fighting spirit?"

Sousuke: "......"

Sousuke: "Ahahahaha! Sensei, you're so amusing...! Did you really think you could motivate a high school student with juice in this day and age?!"

Sousuke: "Ahahahahaha...!"

Touma: "Are you really trying to bribe him...? Haha, funny."

Koyomi: (Urgh... I didn't predict they would laugh at me… When I was in high school I'd be plenty happy about it though...)

Sousuke: "...Ahh, it's strange. Pfff, hehe. Sensei, you're too dumb...!"

Koyomi: "D-Don't call me dumb...! I worked very hard to think of that...!"

Sousuke: "Hehe, but... That was interesting itself just now? I guess I'll think about it more, about the Sports Festival."

We spent our time together until it was time for the Sports Festival to start. Then… 

Option: At the cafeteria

In a loss of where to go, I headed for the cafeteria. With so many different facilities at the school, why did I choose the cafeteria?

That was...

I'm a bit famished so I thought I'd pick up a little something before the Sports Festival...? That was absolutely not what I was thinking though.

Koyomi: "...oh, huh?"

I saw others I knew there who had come before I did. Akito-kun and Camil-kun were there. Akito-kun was fumbling with his phone, and Camil-kun was stretched out, slumped over a desk. They both weren't very motivated.

Akito: "Oh, Sensei. Good timing. Hey, I have something I wanted to ask..."

Akito: "The Sports Festival is a pain for me… Could I discontinue it by making it rain?"

Koyomi: "O-Of course you can't...?! I can't just let you stop it as you please..."

Koyomi: "Hey, Camil-kun, wouldn't you agree?"

Camil: "...If anything is gonna fall from the sky, make it candy."

He sluggishly raised his head, and looked like he could care less about it all.

Koyomi: "Geez... What's with you two? You two seem to have just lost all your motivation..."

Akito: "A Kappa's heart and the autumn sky, they are quick to change at a moment's notice."

Camil: "Camil's heart and the autumn sky, they are quick to change at a moment's notice."

Koyomi: "...No, Camil-kun, yours definitely sounds odd."

Koyomi: "Besides...Camil-kun. You were in such high spirits before. You were able to do so many push-ups before..."

Camil: "Yeah. I feel so sore now, I can't move anymore."

Koyomi: "Did you do that on purpose?!" 

At any rate, there's no signs of recovering their motivation...

Koyomi: (Then I, as the adult, should give these youngins a pep talk...! ...Even though they're both significantly older than me!)

> Pep talk Akito

> Pep talk Camil

Option: Pep talk Akito

Koyomi: "Akito-kun, instead of saying that, why not work together with everyone and aim for victory!?"

Akito: "Hmmm... Victory huh. I'd consider it if there were some sort of reward for it."

Koyomi: "R-Reward huh? Uhh… Then, if you win, I can treat you to some juice?"

Akito: "I don't need that. I can buy a whole vending machine anyways."

Koyomi: "Oh... Y-Yeah, that's true."

Akito: "If you really wanna motivate me… I know. If we get the championship, you have to agree to go on a date with me, for example."

Koyomi: "Ehh?! W-What?!"

I unconsciously stepped back from him, as he looked at me with a sweet, bright smile...

Akito-kun did not overlook my hesitation. Without a moment's delay, he quickly took a step to press more.

Akito: "I'm not saying you need to follow me to my bed or anything… Oh, but I'd be more than happy if you did?"

Koyomi: "Um, uhhh... well...!"

While I was in a flustered state, Akito-kun gently wrapped his pinky around mine.

Akito: "Alright, it's a promise. If you break it... I'll make you drink 'that', okay?"

Koyomi: "Eh! Eh? Wait... 'that'? What is 'that'?!"

Akito: "Hehe... That's a secret. Alright Sensei, don't forget our promise okay?"

Koyomi: "......"

Koyomi: "He didn't even let me reply… Are we really going to go on a date...?"

One way or another, I did see Akito-kun leaving the room.

Camil: "...Skipping school for a date?"

Koyomi: (Oh! I forgot about Camil-kun being here!)

I quickly turned toward him, and still he was lazily flopped over the top of the desk, with his cheek glued to the desk.

Camil: "You can't do that~ I'm telling the teacher."

Koyomi: "N-No you can't...!"

Koyomi: "Wait no, I'm a teacher!"

Camil: "Ohhh... That's right..." 

Option: Pep talk Camil-kun

Some time had passed, and then…

Koyomi: "Camil-kun, don't say that. Why not put in the effort?"

Camil: "Nn..."

Koyomi: "C'mon, even if you're sore, you can still jump and run...!"

Camil: "Hmm...Mmm..."

Koyomi: "If you put in your best effort, Camil-kun, you could be the class's savior!"

Camil: "Savior?"

Koyomi: (Oh, that's right. That'll give me a reaction...)

Understanding what made my students happy and using it to "guide" them along is what a good teacher does! (probably)

Koyomi: "Yeah, that's right! When the class is in a predicament, Camil-kun, you can swoop in and save the day...!"

Camil: "That's...fascinating. But I possess nothing like a Legendary Sword. Or even an Orichalcum shield..."**

Koyomi: "Yeah. You don't need that for the Sports Festival. It's fine."

I think there's a few dots that aren't connecting but… At any rate, it seems I succeeded in trying to motivate him.

Camil: "Alright. I'm...off to save the world."

Koyomi: "Yeah...! Well, not the world, but the Sports Festival...! We're relying on you, Camil-kun...!"

Akito: "Sensei, you're really good with Camil~..."

We spent our time together until it was time for the Sports Festival to start. Then…

Option: At the grounds

When I arrived at the grounds, I saw Shion-sensei and Kanade-kun.

Koyomi: "Good work, Shion-sensei. Are you checking the setup?"

Shion: "Yes, I am in the process."

Kanade: "Hehehe. You have to worry hard on keeping it maintained until the end!"

Koyomi: "Also... I can understand Shion-sensei being here, but why are you here, Kanade-kun...?"

Kanade: "This is the elder's responsibility. Besides, there's a lot of fun things you can find during the ground's maintenance!"

Smiling happily, he looked at his feet. At his feet was a piece of rope, and an old-looking ball. Then I saw what looked like a dried up lizard, but I hope that's something else… All these things were lying around his feet.

Koyomi: (I'd rather not just mosey around… Maybe I can offer to help one of them?)

> Offer help to Kanade-kun

> Offer help to Shion-sensei

Option: Offer help to Kanade-kun

Koyomi: "I'd like to offer a helping hand, Kanade-kun, would that be okay?"

Kanade: "Ohh! I'd be grateful! Then, may I ask for your help in transporting this long table?"

Koyomi: "Sure. Then, should I grab it like this?" 

After asking him, I grabbed the end of the table and realized.

Koyomi: "Huh...? Kanade-kun, are you able to move this long table by yourself too, perhaps?"

Generally, UMA have an absurd amount of power, even if it's misrepresented by their outward appearances. So, even though Kanade-kun has a small build, he probably possesses an inhuman amount of strength… Realizing that may be the case, me trying to help him out may be just getting in his way.

Kanade: "Nya? Well I can move it myself but… It's fun to prepare for the Sports Festival in this way. Then we can make memories together."

Koyomi: "I see... Yeah, okay. If so, then leave it to me!"

We spent our time together until it was time for the Sports Festival to start. Then…

Option: Offer help to Shion-sensei

Koyomi: "Shion-sensei. Could I offer you a helping hand?"

Shion: "Helping hand...you say?"

Shion: "Hm. In that case, why don't you check the broadcasting equipment?"

Koyomi: "Understood. Leave it to... Huh?!"

Koyomi: (Wait, this is an abnormal school for UMA...!)

Koyomi: (Could the broadcasting equipment just be some figure of speech, but really be referring to a UMA making announcements with a booming voice...?!)

Shion: "...? What are you nervous about? Is it perchance you are not good with machines?"

But...I was worried for nothing. What Shion-sensei pointed to were familiar, rectangular black boxes that are seen in any typical broadcast room.

Koyomi: (G-Good... It's just regular equipment...)

I put my hand on my chest as I sighed in relief, and reconfigured the equipment for use with Shion-sensei.

Shion: "We only use this broadcasting equipment from time-to-time, so we need to tune it up each and every time… It's quite the nuisance."

Shion: "That being said, if we left it to the students, they won't take it seriously and tamper with it in all kinds of ways, breaking in the end..."

Shion-sensei seemed somewhat tired but… he said that with such an affectionate voice.

Koyomi: "Hehe... A teacher's job really is hard."

Koyomi: "Whether it's the UMA world or the human realm, I think they're very similar..."

Koyomi: "But if you do it so the students may enjoy themselves then any hardships just fade away… Don't you think?"

Shion: "......" 

Shion: "Miss, you are really suited for a teacher."

Koyomi: "Eh... Y-You think so?"

Shion: "I can't even fathom putting the students above myself, enduring hardships for their sake..."

Koyomi: "But even you, Shion-sensei, would have thoughts where you'd hope the students are having fun...right?"

Shion: "Well... Not quite. Rather than fun, I always hope that they will give their best effort at everything."

Koyomi: "See? Then that itself means your a good teach――"

Shion: "The sight of their distorted faces after being defeated despite their best efforts... Just the thought of it is exhilarating. Hehehe..."

Koyomi: (Oh yeah...! He's that type of person...!)

We spent our time together until it was time for the Sports Festival to start. Then...

Nurarihyon: "Ahh... Test, test."

Nurarihyon: "Ahem...! Without further ado, the UMA Yomi Abyss Vocational High School Sports Festival will now begin!!"

Under this clear sky, the Yomi School's Sport Festival begins. It was my first large event of this kind as a teacher, and I found myself getting excited by it all.

Broadcast Club: "First, we start with the student representatives' fair play oath."

Koyomi: (Oh... Speaking of, who's gonna do the fair play oaths...?)

I tilted my head as I pondered the thought...

Ryou: "Werewolf's!"

Kaede: "Mermaid's!

Werewolf&Mermaid: "Fair play oath!!"

Koyomi: "Ehh...?"

Those two are doing the fair play oaths...?!  I...have a bad feeling about this...

Ryou: "Urgh...! My back...!!"

Kaede: "Are you okay? Are you still hurt from falling down?"

Ryou: "It seems so... Urgh… But the pain again is...!"

Kaede: "You need to rest! Injuries on backs can be worse than they look!"

Kaede: "If you're unlucky, you might be unable to do any sports for the rest of your life!"

Ryou: "But...But! Today's the Sports Festival. Even if I'm in pain, I have to go!" 

Kaede: "You're going that far for the play oaths?!"

Ryou: "Ahh... Even if I have to hold it all in for the fair play oaths...!"

Kaede: "Ryou...!"

Kaede: "...Wait, it's not your oath that will end mid-way, it's your sporting career!"

Werewolf&Mermaid: "Alright, Werewolf&Mermaid's~♪"

...

......

Kaede: "...That's weird. Why isn't everyone laughing?"

Ryou: "I know! Our sense of humor is so great that UMA can't keep up!"

Kaede: "Ahh...! I see! That must be it! But I'm sure if we went to the Human City of Osaka, there'd be many who'd laugh and understand our humor...!"

Ryou: "Yeah! We're the best comic duo there is, Kaede!"

Koyomi: (Th-There's no way that would happen! If people heard you there in Osaka, they'd cuck you into the river as fish food! It's that bad!) 

Shion: "Then... Here is a question for you two."

Shion: "Regarding the opening performance of this Sports Festival, will we start with a public session of training, or will we start with an earnest athlete fair play oath..."

Shion: "Now, which is it?"

Werewolf&Mermaid: "!!"

Ryou: "T-The fair play oath!~" 

Kaede: "W-We, all the players present...!"

Koyomi: (They're just a comedy trio including Shion-sensei...)

That being said...

The Yomi School's Sports festival was finally underway. Following the disorganized fair play oaths was the first sport event, the bread-eating race.

Koyomi: "Ohhh, so nostalgic~!"

Kaede: "Did you do it before, Sensei?"

Koyomi: "I did, I did. The bread-eating――" 

As I spoke, I unconsciously looked towards the grounds and was left speechless.

Koyomi: "W-What?! Wait, what are they eating?!"

Potluck Eating Race***

Ryou: "Eh? Well it's the Potluck Eating Race so of course we're eating pots."

Hanging from a string were pots (estimated 20cm) participants bit a chunk out from them, one by one.

Ryou: "The Yomi School's Sports Festival competitions Whether it's the UMA realm or the human realm!"

Koyomi: "Oh... I-I see... That's...something..."

Koyomi: (I wonder what got lost in translation there...)

As I stood there baffled, the students hungrily munched bites out of the pots, and bursted towards the goal.

Koyomi: "As expected of a UMA school...It's not just a little different, it's completely alien to me..."

Just how many surprising spectacles will I observe just today?

Koyomi: "Haha. In a somewhat wrong way, I'm kinda looking forward to it..."

—--------------------

*Ittan momen: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ittan-momen

** Orichalcum: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orichalcum

*** Originally it was a ぱん (pronounced ‘pahn’) or bread eating competition. They use fry-PANS in the competition but this is hard to translate so for now I have potluck. 

[toku-explained]

The Swordsman of Creation

SSSS.Dynazenon: After a long while without kaiju appearing, the Eugenecists find, Mujina attempts to use Instance Domination on it but vanishes, soon followed by Juuha and Onija, Sizume saying everyone can be fres. With the team, Yume vanishes as well, finding herself experiencing the past before Kano died. People and buildings keep vanishing, Gauma detects DynaWing inside the kaiju and makes a plan to break in after Knight vanishes, experiencing his dinner with a certain person long ago, but Koyomi and Gauma both vanish, leaving Yomogi alone to jump inside, Goldburn saves 2nd and Chise, and they float above wondering what to do. Yume follows Futaba and Kano, Koyomi decides to run away with Inamoto and the money, Gauma enjoys his life with Juuga, Onija and Mujina, as they accept the world their vehicle's break. Yomogi comes to the day his mother first told him of Kamijo, but snaps out of it on seeing DynaSoldier and escapes his dream, he finds himself, outside Yume's, unable to reach her her as she receives her invitation from Kano. As Yomogi watches Yume overhear Kano leaving for the floodgate he becomes determined she shouldn't have to experience Kano's suicide again, and manages to break through, restoring DynaWing and Yume. Yume rushes to the floodgate, bursting onto the roof, saying she knows everything and begging Kano not to commit suicide. To which Kano says of course she wasn't going to commit suicide, she promised Yume she'd come to the recital. Yume, finally realising Kano's death really was an accident, she breaks down, having Yomogi go ahead. He breaks into Koyomi's dream, scattering the money, Koyomi scrambles for it while Inamoto tells him to leave it, it's probably fake. Koyomi looks at Inamoto looking at him and has some sort of realisation. Gauma has killed Juuga, Mujina and Onija, despite the country betraying them, saying it was to protect the person he cared about, before collapsing himself. Yomogi breaks in, reminding Gauma of the situation, and then frees Knight as well. Kano apologises to Yume for pushing her away, being envious of Yume's personality, but that she'd tried to improve herself in high school, and found Futaba, not wanting to trouble him too much, but tells Yume it's okay to rely on others. Yume contemplates staying, but manages to solve the puzzle and realises she has to go back, thanking Kano. Dynazenon breaks free, and needing to restore everything, they form Kaiser GridKnight to defeat. Afterwards, Gauma admits to just wishing he could find the princess again, while a content Yume sings and puts the puzzle back together. The last shot is of Gauma face down and dying in the past.

Heroes' Odyssey: We look at Z, Geed and Zero uniting against Celebro's Belial Fusion Beasts, then X, Tiga and Ultraman battling against Zaigorg, Gorg Antlar and Gorg Fire Golza, while Zero, Max, Nexus, Victory and Ginga faced Tsurugi Demaaga, and continue to Tiga battling Super Hipporito Seijin, King Silverton and King Goldras, joined by Dyna and Gaia, and the Super Ultra 8 Brothers uniting to face Giga Chimera.

Saber: As each party contemplates the current state of the world, Touma goes to Kento again while the rest of Northern Base go to face Solomon. Touma promises Kento he won't disappear, leaving Ikazuchi and heading off, the bird appears again. Kenzan joins the battle with Solomon, Storious stopping Desast from doing the same, soon after Sabela and Durandal join as well, and Bacht arrives wanting the, to stop so the world will be destroyed, then Touma arrives. Kento is brought to a vision of a forest, where Hayato's spirit, saved by Tassel, is able to appear to him, and advise him to do what he wants to do, convincing him to pick up Ikazuchi and head to the battle. Saber and Falchion fight, Solomon overpowers the others as Falchion does Touma. Touma, joined by all the other swordsmen, argue against Bacht's nihilistic viewpoint, as Kento arrives, Touma uses Rekka's power to destroy Bacht for good, who is amused enough to see where it goes as he dies. Solomon uses Calabdolg, Touma blocks it with Rekka and Kyomu, saying their is no will to his fight. Hayato's spirit manifests, being given Kurayami, the 11 Seiken and 10 Swordsmen unite their powers, creating Haouken Xross Saber, the final Seiken, adding new pages to Wonder Story and causing Isaac's book to react. Touma uses Brave to become Xross Saber, unleashing the power of the 10 seiken to destroy the books, restore the city, and destroy an army of Calabdolg mecha, defeating Solomon. Northern Base celebrates, the Shindais intend to hunt Isaac down, Ren contemplates Touma's increased strength and Kento shares a word with his father. Nobody sees Desast pick up Kyomu.

Zenkaiger: Recovering to see the world merging fading, the Zenkaigers find Zox and hand him the remaining fakes, he's distant and heads back to CrocoDaiOh, where he talks with Flint about a deal Stacey offered, to bring him the Gear he wanted, or take him to the Tojitendo Palace, if he defeated Kaito. Zox goes and tells all of this to Kaito, who accepts the challenge. Barashitara is annoyed at Ijirude interfering with his operations. The battle between Twokaiser and Zenkaiser begins, when Twokaiser uses Shinken Form Zenkaiser uses Liveman for the Falcon Saber, when Ohrem Form appears an impromptu dance off happens when Battle Fever triggers the World Dances, before Twokaiser uses Kyuranger to use the power of Ooguma Skyblue, Maskman's Aura Power fails to block an attack and Twokaiser utterly destroys him. As the Kikainoids mourn Stacey appears, congratulates the World Pirates and immediately double crosses them, calling Kudakks to kill them, only for Kaito, actually floating above the battlefield, to shoot them down. The two groups planned the deception together, the Goldtsuikar's declaring Kaito is just more interesting, and tell Stacey to fight Kaito himself, so he becomes Stacaesar. The Zenakisers and Twokaiser leap into battle, Kaito and Zox challenging Stacey directly. Stacey summons his JAKQ copies, which take Zenkaiser out of the fight, Twokaiser uses JAKQ to utilise Big One's command over JAKQ, turning them on Stacey forcing him to destroy them. As Kaito recovers, Battle Caesar Robo arrives, and Twokai-Oh Riki opposes the initial attack, then Twokai-Oh Katana takes part in a sunset duel, bring ultimately victorious, Battle Casear Robo destroyed. Stacey, beaten leaves, swearing vengeance on Kaito and Zox. Ijirude, frustrated, intends to review his in-progress plans. The two groups celebrate together.

Dogengers Nice Buddy: It's time for the Japan Dogengers Golf Tournament, Gomentaiko Cup. On hole 3 El Brave is 6 over par, Ohgaman is 6 under, the rest are doing reasonably, Tanaka is a caddy. At base Aku no Himitsu Kessya's members are watching, as Shaberryman, Great Z and Riku. Riku is eating, Great Z isn't. Flashback shows the confrontation, Riku telling his father his body clearly can't take more and wanting to take over as Great Z, Great Z refusing, and they've been cool to each other since. Riku drags Shaberryman to the Dogengers base, putting on his stage Great Z suit, trying to take Yabai Kamen back, Maid Shitsuji immediately intervenes and beats Maid Shitsuji after he stops them injuring Riku. They start talking after Riku takes off the suit and patching Shaberryman up, he reveals to the Villains that Riku is not Great Z, all the villains thought he was. Riku agrees to relate his story. He had been working for Pizza Cooc, going through the motions, while his father was the president of Hanagata Tokusatsu, producers of the Galaxy Great series, he had loved Great K as a kid. Returning home, pictures show his father with Great A, while his punk lifestyle felt like a disappointment, but his father came to his room asking for his help. And so he helped work on Great Z behind the scenes, giving stuff during the debut stage, handing weapons to Yabai Kamen during filming, and filling in as Great Z for the stage show. The reason Great Z sounds like him is due to a voice changer in the suit. He wants to support his father's dreams. Yabai Kamen offers some advice. Tanaka returns home, telling Maid Shitsuji about the heroes arguing over Janken when he's interrupted by Riku making his presence known. Tanaka thinks he's Great Z, Yabai Kamen stops Uzagi explaining the truth. Riku asks Tanaka why he's a hero, not why he became a hero but his reason for fighting, only for Tanaka to interrupt to say he loves the Galaxy Great series, showing a pamphlet he has from the Great A movie, causing the two to get distracted talking about their shared love for it, Yabai Kamen interrupts to have the question answered, it's because he loves heroes, and it's thanks to Hanagata Tokusatsu he has this love. Riku goes to leave, but Tanaka asks why he's a hero, still thinking he's Great Z, Riku can only conclude his father is doing it because if Riku's love for Great K, and tells Tanaka it's the same, reason. Great Z still sits at the table, thinking about Riku's words. He hasn't eaten, he hasn't taken his medicine, and he hasn't slept.

[fivzen]

Kamen Rider Ryuusei Story Outline

Or Something (Feat. Kamen Rider Spades)

On December 1st of 21XX, Seizano Hoshizora, at only just under six months of life was kidnapped by the Nebulonic Research Lab with the intention to use him and other children to create a cybernetic paradisiacal world by the visions of the head of the lab, known only as Cepheus. Seizano’s father and mother, both high ranking officials of another lab helping in an investigation into Nebulonic break him and several of the other children out on Christmas Eve, Cepheus escaping with a number of the others. The other children, save Seizano, are removed of their detected additions, while Seizano’s lays unknown for years.

At the age of ten, Seizano discovers his cybernetics when saving the neighbor’s dog from an oncoming truck that’s unable to break on time. From ten until the age of sixteen, Seizano isolates himself from others in a depressive state, unsure of his humanity. He watches shows focusing on the exploits of heroes who aren’t quite human either, and comes out of it with a skewed resolution, stating his cybernetic system is a tool to save people. From sixteen to eighteen, he develops another system to help him regulate and expand the limits of his already installed cybernetics, calling it Project Kamen.

At eighteen, he moves out, and begins attending Aliance University, a prestigious school for people of all walks of life. His score in the pre-entry exam places him in the Global Course, which allows him to focus his degree path (Bio-Engineering) in various locations across the country alongside nine other people. In this group of ten, he meets Koyomi Kashigawa, a music major tired of living life according to the whims of her parents and is excited that she can travel the world and get away from the two constantly controlling her. 

While on a trip to the Great Eye in London, the group is attacked by one of the remaining members of the Nebulonics Research Group, spurring Seizano to transform and defeat the member. The rest of the class goes “What The Fuck” and Koyomi just asks if he has a name while transformed. “No? Why?” “Okay, your name is Ryuusei like this now.” “...Alrighty then.”

The member goes on to claim that once the Sleeping Giants are awoken, Cyber-Eden will rise, and then does the whole “NEBULONICS BANZAI” thing, before imploding in on themselves. Seizano, taking this as meaning the children who weren’t saved, takes it upon himself to help these people while his class travels the world, everyone else choosing to help him along the way (Koyomi becoming Kamen Rider Spades on a return trip back home, where she defeats one of the Sleeping Giants who decided to go with Nebulonics willingly, after the Giant targets her family).

[iristial]

KR Wizard AU where Haruto and the others are a Super Sentai team.

As a Sentai team, their transformation trinkets are rings that also function as chalk, so they can draw a simple magic circle that allows them to summon their suits. Their mission is to collect enough mana to create a barrier that can prevent a person’s Will-o’-the-Wisp (a spirit that embodies hope) from becoming corrupted and give birth to Phantoms. Their mecha involves allowing their Will-o’-the-Wisps to manifest in the real world - Haruto has a dragon, Koyomi has a unicorn, Rinko has a wolf, Shunpei has a leprechaun (which always gets commented on, poor guy) and Nitou has a chimera/lion. Their ultimate power-ups are accomplished by merging with their Will-o’-the-Wisps in the real world, as opposed to channeling them

It was fairly easy for Haruto to get Rinko (Yellow) and Shunpei (Green) to join the cause. Not so much for Koyomi (Pink) and Nitou (Gold). The former was traumatized by a near death encounter + her situation as a “almost Phantom”, so it took Haruto three whole months to recruit her. As for Nitou, after getting shoved into the river twice so that Nitou could hog all the mana from their battle, and after getting mayonnaise all over his sugar donuts, Haruto asks if it’s okay for a Ranger team to only have four members. Wajima does say over a cup of tea that there have been trios, but before Haruto can say anything more he quickly adds in “for this team, I insist we have five people”

Koyomi was in a near death situation that almost gave birth to a Phantom, but she was saved by Haruto. A reminder of the incident lies in the gold and red cracks on Koyomi’s arms and hands, which are hidden by the long sleeves of her dresses, and the gloves Haruto get her as a present. Her father hates magic; seeing it as the thing that previously took away Koyomi’s mother, and once tried to force Koyomi back home (to which she cuts ties with him). Her Will-o’-the-Wisp is in constant danger of turning into a Phantom and devouring her, so she has to take a daily dose of mana (in a similar fashion to Nitou, albeit his was a contract)

For “excess” mana to be produced and used in battle, the team has to constantly eat or train or do some form of activity that boosts their energy levels. This results in events like Shunpei trying to lift a dumbbell for two whole hours, and his mana levels were off the charts - or Nitou squirting entire bottles of mayo down his throat - or Rinko not using her magic for a whole week, but she was busy with police work so she was “hyper” and “drunk” from the pent-up mana

As the team get more powerful, Haruto finds himself in a rut as he’s ranked last as opposed to first. This is due to how he lives as per his parents’ words of him being their hope, but then he doesn’t attempt to try anything with his life (and gives up on things outside magic rather quickly). It’s then shown that he’s in a fragile state where he could also get a Phantom breaking out of him at any minute, so he has to find a new hope. He eventually chooses the hope that the Phantoms can be defeated and during the peacetime that follows, he can learn to value his own life and share it with his friends

send me an au and i’ll give you five headcanons about it

[mugen-monogatari]

Kabukimonogatari - Shinobu Silence; Humanizing a Monster

This post is the second part of my Kabukimonogatari posts. In the first post, I talked about Hachikuji and her key scene, while in this post, I’ll be talking about Shinobu and her important scene. To me personally, this climax of the arc was probably one of the best scenes in Monogatari as a whole. This entire exchange, was so satisfyingly, unsatisfying. It left me feeling empty, and almost disappointed (which sounds like a bad thing), but that’s what makes it so great. The crushingly painful realism. This entire arc was a commentary on how even our smallest actions and decisions can affect the greater world around us. It shows how we take even the smallest things for granted, with some pretty insightful commentary on depression and being in a dark place.

So with that brief introduction out of the way. Lets talk about shinobu and her climactic scene in Kabukimonogatari. For this analysis, I’ll be potentially spoiling all the way up to episode 10 of the Monogatari second Season. Keep that in mind if you haven’t yet seen up to that point. Also, this is all just my interpretation, none of this should be taken as fact.

Ironically, this arc was the first which made Shinobu, a vampire, an aberration, feel the most human in the entire series. She demonstrates, while seeming like a transcendent being, she’s very much so susceptible to the same problems everyone faces. Jealousy, pride, depression. They affect her just as much as they would anyone else. Which was top-notch characterization for this point in the story. Up to then, Shinobu was almost an enigma, being incredibly cute and wise, but having very little going for her in terms of emotional depth (that is unless you watched or read Kizumonogatari before this).

This entire humanization is what leads to the apocalyptic events of Kabuki. Shinobu’s jealousy. Her envy for the people around Koyomi, her pride and child-like stubbornness. Most of you probably didn’t remember until it was mentioned, Shinobu was missing at one point in the story, only returning upon seeing Koyomi’s efforts to find her. She saw this as an act of mutual affection. Him searching for her demonstrated his need or care for her, so she returned the kindness by helping him with the Hanekawa situation. However in this reality, Hachikuji had never incentivized Koyomi to go search for Shinobu, prompting her to destroy the world in her solitude and envy.

And that was one of the really heart-wrenching things about this arc- It shows even that little ounce of effort is enough to save someone, or to change things, even fix things. In our case, Koyomi actively put that effort in, going out of his way instead of settling for the easy route of just waiting for her to return. Shinobu while having lived for hundreds of years, still has the mind of a spoiled brat. She felt as if it was Koyomi’s job to come searching for her. She refused to be the one that put the effort in. She acknowledges this herself- “If I had only made one tiny compromise.” She realizes that you can’t expect things to happen for you, if you’re not willing to put some effort in yourself. She comes to terms with the unreasonable nature of her actions, having created this entire situation and forcing Koyomi to search for her, to see things from her perspective. But in this alternate reality- He never did.

I feel that's a painfully accurate depiction of human emotions. A lot of the time, we expect things from people that aren’t entirely fair. We can’t always admit we’re wrong, and we’re often too stubborn to just apologize. We instead run away and blame it on everyone else. “It was his fault for not chasing me-” That’s the sort of mentality she had. And that’s a mentality a lot of people have. But this entire arc shows you have to compromise. You can’t rely on one party in a relationship to fix everything. You both must actively work towards whatever happiness you seek.

“If I’d only opened up my heart to this boy a little more, Believing and entrusting…”

It also shows a slightly nihilistic view of our actions. Running away, destroying the world was completely pointless, she accomplished nothing in doing so. The void in her heart was not filled, she was just left feeling even more empty and depressed. Had she just waited slightly longer, or better yet, compromised, she would’ve had the happiness she sought after. Which is a good message told in a depressing way. Patience is key. Don’t run away from the problem and expect everyone else to fix it. If you’re not happy with the way someone acts or a situation you’re in, you can work on improving that, even when it’s hard, time and effort will help you ultimately achieve happiness.

This was a very rough scene for me personally. Your actions aren’t permanent, but your mistakes are. Running away isn’t the end of it. Had she just returned everything would have been okay, while never returning led to the end of our world as we knew it. Her world too. She was left with nothing but regrets. “My running away from home caused me to lose you… Making me feel like I had lost a wing, A half of myself.” A quote that just goes to demonstrate her pain. Her misery at making one, small, stupid, stubborn choice, which led to everything she knew ending. Leaving her with nothing but a destroyed world and a void in her heart.

Which leads me onto my second part of this scene. Depression. I know it’s a little cliche to talk about it, but I think this is a fairly accurate depiction of it. It’s not a switch or something that happens overnight. In the case of Shinobu and most people, it’s a downwards spiral, one bad day leading to another, before they pile up. In her case, she was stubborn. Taking her anger out on the world, before realizing in feeling alone, she truly became alone. She destroyed her own life, with her own hands. As DJ Khaled once said; “Congratulations, you played yourself.”(Had to get one meme in there to lighten the mood plsdontkillme).

Shinobu feels truly alone. She struggles with the fact that Koyomi is surrounded by all these girls, forcing him to divide his attention between them all, making her feel unneeded and desperate. So she flees. She runs away with the hope that he’ll chase her, and when he doesn’t- She kills everyone. In doing so, she realizes that she truly has become alone and is prompted to take her own life.

But then upon seeing her alternate self, it becomes all so painfully clear the futility of her actions. This could have all been avoided if- you guessed it- she compromised. There most definitely was a reality where she was happy. There was a certain almost guaranteed chance that everything would be okay, had she just waited or tried to put effort in herself. It’s a very touching moment actually, when she has the tragic realization that everything she did was pointless. She had ruined everything for no reason. That there was a reality where both her and Koyomi could happily snuggle together.

While that may sound bleak, I think the real hidden message is that things get better. Life will improve, and even when it’s difficult or hard or stressful or lonely, it’s not the end. There’s a lot of people out there who suffer from very serious, very real problems, and many see no way out of it. It can be draining and scary. But it does truly get better, with some time and effort, you can make a life for yourself. It’s unfair, yes, but if you just work at things, one day you’ll be able to look back on you life and wonder why you ever even worried. I think this arc was kind of like a really really depressing way of saying- “Hey. It’ll be alright. Just stick with it. It’ll pay off, your hard work and effort will be rewarded,” which is both sweet and touching. If this was truly the author’s intentions, I have to give him kudos, since I think that’s a good message to give people.

To relate this to my own life, me and my own Girlfriend argue sometimes. Occasionally the topic of breaking up will come up, but we never do. She always puts it best saying; “I won’t break up with you because that’s a permanent decision. This argument isn’t, we’ll move on and forget about it at some point.” And I think that applies perfectly with this entire arc.

Kabukimonogatari was another fanatastic arc in an amazing series, and I’m just glad I got to experience it and share it with you guys. If you take anything away from this arc, just remember, no matter where you are in life, one day it’ll get better.

Thank you so much for reading this, if you made it this far, maybe consider sharing this with someone. Next up I’ll be doing some stuff for the Fate franchise, as well as more Monogatari character stuff, don’t forget more Bleach posts too, So keep your eyes peeled.

Take Care of Eachother, Saki~

[typellblog]

Tsubasa Family - An Analysis

With this arc, we jump to an interesting point in the chronology - familiar in the sense that our narrator has already recounted its events, but nonetheless our first glimpse at his state in between his encounters with both Kiss-Shot Acerola-Orion Heart-Under-Blade and Hitagi Senjougahara. Third in this trio of life-changing individuals is Hanekawa Tsubasa, and I think if this book has one single question to answer it’s why Koyomi isn’t dating her already.

Tsukihi and Koyomi’s talk about love brings this to the forefront of the narrative. Koyomi’s clear inexperience means he struggles to realise obvious signs of him having a crush on Hanekawa, and also allows Tsukihi to eventually convince him that he doesn’t and is just overly horny instead. It’s more convenient for him. He doesn’t really want to think about confessing because he thinks it would trouble Hanekawa, someone that he couldn’t possibly imagine being into him in return. 

I find myself coming back to the thing mentioned in the prologue, the essential similarity between Hanekawa Tsubasa and Araragi Koyomi. The difference between them and Hitagi or Kanbaru, who ‘live their lives facing forward’. To some extent it’s been obvious for a while - both of them putting others over themselves, choosing to act like a good person without really believing themselves to be one. The difference, then, is in Hanekawa’s strength of will, in being someone who can, at all times, in all situations, continue to do the right thing, despite not feeling any particular attachment to that process at all.

That’s one of the conclusions to this arc. The idea that the Sawari Neko didn’t take advantage of her pity, but rather rewarded her lack thereof, acting according to Hanekawa’s will instead of its own. Her desire to be ‘normal’ is the source of all irregularity in this incident. 

Koyomi is different. Koyomi can’t help but feeling for almost everyone he encounters. He’s careless, doesn’t always do the right thing, but despite it all will end up helping out anyone.

When Hanekawa saved him during the events of Kizumonogatari, she did it in the same way as she buried the cat. Calmly, coldly, as though it was the most natural thing in the world. She didn’t pity him, she didn’t look down on him, she simply saw him as an equal. 

So we are told in this arc, but one thing left unmentioned is that Hanekawa was in love with him. 

And while that’s a story for another time, it’s also a story we’ve already seen. Tsubasa Cat. This whole time, she was building up stress from not being able to tell Koyomi her feelings, he was unable to notice because of his idealized view of her in which she’d hardly think that highly of him, and as a result, out bursts Black Hanekawa, here to settle things on her behalf. Koyomi couldn’t become her hero, so she made one herself.

Once again I find myself wondering about the chronology here. Tsubasa Cat ‘skips over’ this first incident - the central trick, that there was never a difference between Hanekawa and the cat, is elided, in favour of making Kuro more of her own character. Perhaps a result of being separated by Kokorowatari in this one? 

But precisely because of that, we have an original enough scenario awaiting us in this arc. One where Kuro fights a hundred exorcist battles against Oshino and beats him every time, with the knowledge she has from fusing with Hanekawa. One where she holds back, avoids killing him, because she’s one with Hanekawa and still feels like she owes him. One where Oshino couldn’t defeat her exactly because of the depth of that combination - it’s pointless to exorcise the cat if the human wants to do the exact same things. Oshino’s style is always to balance things out, resolve the deeper issues. But it seems like Hanekawa’s issues are beyond even his deft hand. 

Another of the things that Tsukihi and Koyomi discuss is the vibe people’s clothes can give off - regardless of whether you’re wearing black or white panties, a person’s true nature shines through. A chaste person will seem chaste even in provocative black panties, and vice versa for a lewd person wearing white. Their only mistake - confirmed when Koyomi gets a good look at what Hanekawa is wearing early on - is to think that a person’s nature can be only lewd, or only chaste. This is a realization he talks about in Tsubasa Cat. Good people aren’t always good because good things happened to them. Sometimes one’s circumstances are so bad they have no choice but to be good. It’s not black or white. Good people sometimes act badly, too. Hanekawa Tsubasa is both. At the same time. 

Look at her reaction, when Koyomi exposes her. He has her briefly talking without the cat puns, confirms she does at heart have the same impulse to help him. She ‘showed no signs of guilt’. There’s no disconnect. Is there anything more Hanekawa Tsubasa than ‘seeming oddly cheerful’ while standing in front of your crush wearing only your underwear? She acts normal even in the most abnormal situations. 

The point of the Sawari Neko’s tale in the first place is that the cat and its victim are one. A virtuous person buries a cat, starts acting weirdly, is presumed to have been possessed by a spirit, but turns out to have been just doing that on their own. Just because they’re superficially viewed as a virtuous person doesn’t mean they won’t act out. It can make it more likely, in some cases. 

The way Oshino puts it, ‘turning out to never be a cat at all’ would be the worst outcome, it would leave Hanekawa stuck like that, in cat mode, permanently. It’s why he’s so worried about not finding a cat in the grave that it was first buried in, and why Koyomi nonetheless finds that the cat is there when the incident is over. Oddities, after all, are a way of shifting responsibility, something that we blame when we can blame nothing else. Rather than reckon with the fact that Hanekawa simply had the desire to do those things all along, we find it easier to resolve things by saying a cat made her do it.

This isn’t just a convenient excuse for Koyomi, who doesn’t want to think badly of her. It isn’t just a convenient excuse for Oshino, who completely failed in his role as a specialist here. It is, perhaps most importantly, a convenient excuse for Hanekawa Tsubasa, who, despite being fully conscious the whole time, still pretends she’s bewitched by a cat. 

That’s what Koyomi shouts to her. You’re still you. Stop trying to pretend you’re something else. Stop pretending that you’re weak-willed enough to get bewitched by a cat. Stop acting like your human vulnerabilities work as an excuse to become something entirely inhuman. Your life sucks, it really does, but trying to work off stress by attacking people isn’t going to change it.

This whole Black Hanekawa thing doesn’t really work if she allows herself to consciously acknowledge she’s putting on an act, because then she would realise the conflict between it and her usual maxim of always doing the right thing. Perhaps that conflict is what results when Kokorowatari separates her from the cat and it lashes out at her psyche?

But for that moment, Hanekawa writhing on the floor, unsaved even at the cost of Koyomi’s life, there’s a further interpretation I want to advance here. Koyomi shouts at her. He’s a bit cruel, a bit unsympathetic. Some of it’s his true feelings, no doubt, but he’s also trying to make her angry, get her to attack him. It seems to work. “Just die.” She repeats it for over two pages - only to reveal that at the end she’s referring to herself. 

We talked about vampirism as a representation of Koyomi and Kiss-Shot’s suicidality during Kizu. We mentioned that Hanekawa dealt with similar issues, but not how her oddity plays into that. Because in Tsubasa Cat it really doesn’t. But here there’s a whole other layer to it. If Hanekawa isn’t freed from the cat’s control within 10 days, it will become permanent. There will be no choice but to kill her. 

Does Hanekawa know this? She is the cat. If we take that seriously for a moment-

“Farewell. Go have a happy life.” the cat says to Koyomi when she leaves after meeting him at school.

“I will disappear after I hunt another five hundred people.” I? Who’s I?

The pain after being struck by Kokorowatari - in Tsubasa Cat, Koyomi says that everyone that the cat attacked was for Hanekawa’s sake, even herself. Here he says the same, that it can’t just be the cat’s random whim, because it’s been consistently and completely on Hanekawa’s side this whole time. 

Because when she picked the cat’s dead body off the ground she didn’t pity it, didn’t feel sorry for it. But she is the cat. When Koyomi shouts “There isn’t anything sorry about us, is there!?” is he talking to the cat, attacking Hanekawa, or Hanekawa, picking the cat up from the side of the road?

The Sawari Neko. Meddlecat, curse cat, whatever you want to call it, the pun is in the verb sawaru - to touch. Touching her will drain you. It will curse you. Regardless of her will. Because the cat, because Hanekawa, doesn’t know about her own power. She doesn’t know everything. 

The way Oshino puts it, Hanekawa’s parents are her fault. She acted in such an abnormally perfect way that they were unable to face her. Frankly if you’ll allow me to insert my personal opinion for a moment I think this is fucking stupid. In the anime you can pretend it’s just how Oshino puts it, but in the novel the narration makes it clearer you’re supposed to take him somewhat seriously. Hanekawa really did curse the people around her, purely through proximity. She ruined the chances of them becoming a proper family.

For that reason, as the cat,  she pushes Koyomi away, saying he’ll be cursed on contact with her. However, it’s too late. He’s long since been bewitched by the cat. So much so that he wants to die of it. 

Is it such a stretch to imagine that Hanekawa might feel the same? Someone like me, who curses everyone I touch, I should just die.

Koyomi’s rant, then, takes on a different tone. He’s desperately begging her to accept her current life because he doesn’t want her to throw it away.

Go on, say ‘I only know what I know’ like you normally do, because there’s still so much in the world you have to learn about.

He says this while dying himself. The question we had at the start, why a relationship between them wouldn’t really work, beyond Hitagi’s interference, seems obvious to answer now. Both of them keep so much to themselves, take everything on themselves, save everyone but themselves. This is the only place their relationship, on its own, could ever end. A mutual suicide. 

It takes Shinobu’s intervention, just as it did in Tsubasa Cat, to save them both. That similarity makes the difference so much more obvious. He doesn’t ask for her aid out of an understanding of the value of his own life. From start to finish, he refuses to believe that Shinobu actually cares enough to save him.

We might ask, as we did with Tsubasa Cat, about the placement of this arc. It’s fundamentally kind of odd, the ordering of the rest of the series aside, to put the two like this, having to recap the start and end of this one to fully explain the other.

I can’t fully answer that question. But one thing I can say is that Bakemonogatari couldn’t possibly have ended with Tsubasa Family. 

And that's all for now. Hanekawa stocks are rising a lot for me this time round. I barely remember what happens in Neko Shiro so that should be fun.

[venus-says]

Kamen Rider Wizard Episodes 36-51

Magic exists for those who believe in it.

A bit later than usual but here I'm with the closing post on Kamen Rider Wizard. Before I get to the end of the series itself let me make a few disclaimers.

As you can see in the title this is a review of the episodes 36-51 even though this show has 53 episodes. Well, the thing is that the final two episodes of this series are kinda like a TV crossover special that technically happens right after Wizard ended but it doesn't necessarily have a connection to the show. Of course, I could come here and say my thoughts on the thing, but this is a special to appeal to nostalgia, and even though they set some lore (or at least they try to), it wasn't something I was invested on because I don't know a huge part of the cast so all the tiny nostalgic bits that probably were a big selling point for long live fans don't appeal to me because I never experienced them and everything just looked like an overcrowded mess (I'm sorry) and this is why I'm keeping this one out.

Also, I usually comment on the solo movie of each series in this last post, however, I didn't have a lot to say about this movie, you know? Like, it was entertaining, seeing a world where everyone has magical powers was quite fun, but that's pretty much it. There wasn't anything special or very impressive that was worth nothing. I like the design of the villain, but I think he lost the coolness factor when it was revealed he was just another Phantom and not a crazy human craving for power. This movie didn't even have a special form, I think, yeah he uses the dragon while on his Infinity form and that's something that didn't happen in the show but it felt like more of the same rather than something unique. Seeing me talk like this may look like I disliked this movie, but it's not that, I enjoyed it, it just didn't felt special enough for me to dedicate more than just one paragraph for it.

With this out of the way, let's talk about the final stretch of Wizard.

I wasn't very happy with how this show ended its second arc, and I was very scared to see how this ending would go. And while I still have my problems, I still liked it quite a lot despite them. I think one of the biggest strengths of this part was in the emotional part, while some of the emotional moments didn't really click with me, I could see what they were going for and I could appreciate and understand even though I personally didn't connect with the situations. I also like that this part focused a lot on Haruto which was extremely necessary to me seeing how emotionally driven the finale was and if they didn't have given him this much attention it wouldn't have worked as well as it did.

Of course, thanks to this focus other characters lost a lot of their screen time, which in some cases was beneficial but in others, it was a flaw. For example, y'all know I don't like Kousuke and he had only two major evens where he got the spotlight only for himself, and while in the first one it worked in the second (where he saves the city by "sacrificing" himself) it didn't feel right seeing how overlooked he was during these episodes. You know, if you gonna make one of your characters do something SO BIG you should at least give him more chances to shine before.

Another thing that I fell like it was compromised was the plot resolving the 3 additional wizards. But in this case, this is totally more like a flaw of the show for lacking on better planning rather than just focusing more on Haruto during this period. I think that if they knew they wanted to end this series with 4 wizards (Beast and Wiseman not included) to be able to complete the ritual this was a concept that should've been introduced WAY EARLIER and we should've seen the other three wizards falling into Wiseman's hands way sooner. Like, the last wizard was introduced six episodes before the show ended and the finale arc was 4 episodes long so you can see how this was very overlooked, and the fact they gave them generic designs was also very sad especially because I was SO EXCITED to see Mayu as a Rider to go there and beat Medusa, but not even that she was able to do, I think this the most disappointing aspect of this third act because they could've done so much cool stuff with them and they barely scratched the surface with this concept.

Also one last let down, the way the revelation that Koyomi was Wiseman's daughter, the reveal that she was a vessel for the Philosopher's Stone, and the "reveal" that the White Wizard was the villain were all very lackluster. I think that they had put out more clues than they should to make that reveal be any impactful to anyone that would stop for 2 minutes to think about it. Like, at the moment Koyomi said she was concerned because she was running out of mana too quickly I knew she was related to the Philosopher's Stone somehow. And let's not forget that it was pretty early when the show showed the viewers that Wiseman and the White Wizard were the same person so when it was revealed to our main characters it didn't feel like a big moment how they expected it to be. Though I guess this could've been just my experience because I was frustrated that it wasn't Mayu who dealt the final blow on Medusa. Now that I think of it, it was pretty obvious that Wiseman would betray Medusa at some point so that's another thing that kinda weakened that moment.

I know it seems that I absolutely despised this ending seeing how much I wrote on these bad points, but I swear that's not the case. These are (a lot of) small details that without a doubt could've been worked better, but the final product we got was also pretty good, it's just that I don't know how to put out the things I liked, you know? Because it's not a bunch of specific points is more or less the overall construction that leads to the end. Because I don't think there was any specific moment, besides Mayu coming back, in between episodes 36 and 47 that felt like a major highlight to me, yes we had Haruto's backstory, yes we had new riders showing up, and of course, we had the whole discovering things arc and all of that, but none of it really stand out.

But all those episodes were equally good and enjoyable and they all constructed the atmosphere that leads to the finale, that while I think it could've been resolved more quickly it was still an ending that got me really invested in it. I was impressed that Kousuke sacrificed himself to save the whole city, I liked how Gremlin ended up being the final villain, I'm still stunned by that scene where Gremlin killed Fueki because I was really not expecting that to happen, and many other great moments in those final four episodes that were an amazing pay-off for the series.

But I think the thing I liked the most is that the show was bold enough to not bring Koyomi back after she had finally died. I know they ended on a note where they could bring her back in a future appearance, but I feel like that it's kinda okay, it's a bit selfish from Haruto's side because it was pretty clear Koyomi was ready to go but I feel like it's better than pull a Phillip and banalize her death and the impact that had on Haruto at that moment. I was really scared that the show would revert her death somehow and ruin this pretty good ending, and seeing that they didn't do it was a relief and I was glad that I could close the book on this series on a very positive note.

Wizard wasn't as wild of a journey, but this doesn't mean it wasn't bold on its decisions and its overall story. Coming from a very bad experience I had with Fourze, Wizard was a good series to refresh my interest in keep doing these reviews. And while I don't agree with a lot of decisions the show made, especially during the second act, it was great to watch Kamen Rider again and just have a good time. I'm really excited to get to Gaim and a huge part of it is how happy I felt by reaching the end of this series. I hope I can meet y'all during my journey with Gaim as well. See ya~

[welcometomymindscape]

Bloom Into You Character Analysis- Sayaka Saeki

WARNING: This is super long and I had a really overlong paragraph noting this before deciding, like, it was a downer and totally unnecessary. So yeah, this is long and uses a mixture of text and images. Ones for Touko and Yuu should be coming shortly (The Touko one in a couple hours since it’s just me reposting, the Yuu one I’m making from scratch so it might take a bit more time.)

Cut go!

To really understand Sayaka, we have to go back in time a bit. To Sayaka’s time at Tomosumi Girl’s middle school. While there, one of Sayaka’s upperclassmen asked her out. She didn’t necessarily have a positive reaction at first, but she grew to love the other girl. 

When high school came, Sayaka’s was tortured when the girl that she loved seemed to not want to interact with her at all. As a result, Sayaka decided that she needed to take matters into her own hands. She assumed her senpai was suffering just as much as she was. 

Her upperclassmen didn’t share her feelings at all. If anything, she merely saw it as a sort of game that was was playing with Sayaka, not anything that she should take remotely seriously. It wasn’t a true relationship. She doesn’t ask Sayaka’s feelings about this, of course. She doesn’t even try to consider them. In her eyes, what she was saying was axiomatically true and that Sayaka would naturally agree. That she would still have the skepticism that plagued her at the beginning of her relationship before Sayaka realized how she felt.

Again, this is something that Sayaka thought at the beginning of their relationship, that it was something that was “weird”. Socially it’s not something that is done.

Sayaka felt like her feelings were real. She thought that her senpai was leading her somewhere beautiful and different and full of genuine, if seemingly unusual, love. The pain that she felt as a result was quite real. It must have hurt so much. 

So she tries to convince herself, as a coping mechanism, that her senpai is totally right. That was just a meaningless phase, and that girls simply didn’t love other girls. Everything that she felt was fake; if it was fake, then why was the girl she “loved” so blithely turn her down, after opening her to this possibility to begin with. The whole struggle did quite a bit of damage to her, to the point that she was so distracted that she got second place in the entrance exams. She is determined to be better than her, and surpass her in no time. 

And as she continued to convince herself, #1 herself walked by.

And in that one, shining moment, Sayaka’s feelings returned full force. And she decided that the feelings for Tokou… felt real enough, that she wasn’t going to necessarily let her broken heart deny that she seems to have them.

Time passes, as time often does, and Touko and Sayaka get closer. Due to the relationship that the two have, one that is rather close, the two become known as something of a power duo. 

Sayaka is seen as knowing Touko better than anyone else. In fact Sayaka says that herself, basically word for word, to Yuu. However, it is partially because she knows Touko better than most people that she keeps the other girl, emotionally, at arm’s length, and would never consider telling her friend about her feelings.

She’s somebody that knows that Touko, emotionally speaking, wants Sayaka to keep herself at arm’s length romantically, and thus on some level she does so emotionally as well, which I’ll get to in a bit. But instead, she decides to attempt to do what she can to protect her.

If she can’t be Touko’s love, she can at least do everything she can to make her safe and happy. She really is rather ambivalent about the stage show, but she gets that, for whatever reason, it’s something that Touko wants to do. And thus she considers it her responsibility to help, and pick up the pieces together if something goes wrong.

I think that’s enough context. Let’s jump into the show proper.

In the first episode, Sayaka is honestly pretty chill. She welcomes Yuu with, more or less, open arms, and is decently playful with Touko, the two having a relatively decent rapport. You get a slight hint of how well Sayaka really knows Touko with her certain declaration that Touko will turn everyone down, but by itself that doesn’t mean that much.

Then, in the rest of episode 1, the relationship between Yuu and Touko rapidly accelerates. Sayaka can kind of tell this, and it’s rather clear that she is not particularly happy about it. 

In this case, Touko manages to talk Sayaka down a little and get her to concede that it’s Touko’s choice at the end of the day, but you can see very clearly that Sayaka feels just a tad jealous. 

Jealousy is something that Touko doesn’t have in short supply of in regards to Yuu, as Sayaka demonstrates slightly low-key throughout the series, but most especially again in Episodes 6 and 7. The fact is that, I think on some level, Sayaka is a little scared. She’s already had to deal with one person moving on without her, deciding that their relationship isn’t truly worth much, and she feels like the same could easily happen with Touko too, especially when she’s too scared to confess, both for Touko’s sake and her own. 

]Her animosity to Yuu feels far more nuanced than petty jealousy, though. She doesn’t want anybody else getting close to Touko, she’s Touko’s protector and nobody else is allowed to be, because Touko is what she has, who she loves, and she can’t let what happened happen again. In my opinion, the jealousy in large part stems from fear.

Sayaka isn’t particularly important again until Episode 7, but this is where her character starts to shine, and she becomes much more relevant to the story. So let’s dig into this. 

The episode begins with Touko beating Sayaka on a pop quiz. Someone teases Sayaka because she continually can’t beat Touko (just like when they first met, she’s always #2), and this is her response. 

I actually see this as really important, but I think my point will be clearer if I save it for later. Just… keep it in your headspace. 

Later on in the episode, the Student Council is briefing their new recruit, Yuu’s friend Koyomi, about the stage show and, as a writer, what she could contribute, with Koyomi making it clear that for her, this is little more than writing practice.

As they talk however, their school supervisor Riko comes in, and between what Sayaka sees as slight moments of intimacy and Riko’s rather terrible attempts at damage control, she starts to suspect that the two are actually together. 

Later that night, she’s plagued by the thought of Yuu and Touko getting together, to the point that she’s actually shaking. Her fears consume her and she needs to go to the cafe and ask. Riko is doing other things but Miya is there, and so, after a bit of fumbling, Sayaka manages to ask what is on her mind, and Miya gives her a direct, clear affirmative, much to Sayaka’s shock. 

I think the shock could stem from a few things. I’m not sure it’s really gotten into Sayaka’s head that being gay is more than a teenage thing. Her first crush explicitly broke her heart by saying that it isn’t, and the only other relationship she really knew about was the Sayaka-Yuu-Touko mess, and all three of them were teenagers. In some ways, I think this was a good moment for her, to really understand that it is something that transcends age. It’s worth noting that her reaction when she starts to worry Miyako is going to say that she’s wrong and just seeing things that aren’t there looks genuinely pained.

The other reason for her surprise, one she actually tells Miya, is how direct she was. And Miya’s response is rather equally direct, and something that I think also really does impact Sayaka quite a bit. 

It’s worth noting that Sayaka operates in secrets. Her relationship with her senpai was a secret, she tries to keep her jealousy toward Yuu a secret, she tries to keep her feelings for Touko a secret. She’s somebody that simply isn’t very open about her feelings. That isn’t to say that she doesn’t often have very good reasons for that, but it is simply the world she knows, and she could easily think that it is really the possible only world when she has feelings like her’s. And part of the issue is that she actually takes it rather far. 

She is so desperate to conceal her feelings that she closes herself off. Not just to random admirers, not just to Yuu, but to herself and even to Touko. She isn’t somebody that allows herself to be herself, because she’s scared. She’s scared that it will scare Touko away, at the end of the day. And being told that not only is that something that is rather childish, but something that she simply doesn’t need to do, is something that I think really would mean something to her, even if she doesn’t say so or even realize it. 

The conversation then drifts to being about Sayaka, and Sayaka admits that she has a crush on Touko. And thus Miya asks a rather logical question- why does Sayaka like her in the first place? And, seemingly a little caught off guard at being asked, her first answer is rather superficial. It’s one that I’m sure is true (she was captivated by Touko the minute that she looked at her) but superficial all the same. But then, calming down a little, she expands. 

At the time, this in part seems to establish that Sayaka loves Touko for who she is as a “person”. Though the effort to achieve her goals driven by Touko’s pathologies at the end of the day. It is her desire to strive for more and achieve her goals that Sayaka loves, and not whatever those goals specifically are. But as we learn, so is the first thing that she mentions. No matter who she was trying to be, that is a complete failure to be Mio and is, simply, a different person entirely. Sayaka fell in love with Touko Nanami, and nobody less. 

The more I think about this bit, the more I think there’s a lot going on here. Immediate is that she genuinely is concerned about Touko; Sayaka shows quite a bit of knowledge into what Touko is like, but the idea that she has the full picture is ludicrously unlikely. She just knows that Touko doesn’t want to get close to people, and she knows that for whatever reason Touko is consumed (and tormented) by something. So she doesn’t want to make that worse, which is very admirable. 

I think there’s a bit of fear that is more personal too. Touko is somebody that Sayaka isn’t quite sure is gay; she thinks she might be, but doesn’t know for sure. And her previous relationship was her getting burned because the person she loved turned out to not be into girls after all, and I don’t think that’s something that she’s necessarily forgotten, and something that has been a big deal for her (even if it’s something she is getting ready to overcome). I think she also deeply is scared about being alone; it’s part of all her anxiety and jealousy over Yuu’s relationship; to her, the dreams of potentially being able to have relationship can feel essentially like all she has, and if she loses that, she has nothing.

But I think she kind of realizes something during this conversation. That it isn’t all she has. Touko is someone that she admires, someone she wants to support. She loves her, yes, but she wants to be a good supportive friend too. She wants to be someone Touko can depend on, can count on, and can bolster her strengths instead of weakening them. In a way, a path starts to open for her that she didn’t even really consider before. 

She struggles with the idea that maybe she’s been selfish by hiding everything from Touko like she has, but she gets politely assured that if anything it’s the opposite, and she’s being kind protecting her the way that she has. 

Cut to the next day. Sayaka gets second on another quiz. This time. The scene goes. Like this. 

The contrast to that little bit I suggested you remember from the beginning of the episode is ridiculously stark. Sayaka actually seems to have gained a competitive edge that she was completely lacking. And that’s in large part because she’s not just kind of hedging anymore, and has decided that though she loves Touko, and this absolutely is something she will tell her eventually, right now what is important is being a good friend to Touko. Do what she can to help her be happy, succeed, and excel. And this is how Touko responds to this.

I’m trying to imagine how much this must mean to Sayaka. She is trying to get stronger, learn to work with Touko as just a friend and set any baggage to the side, and Touko suddenly talks about how that is what she loves about Sayaka. That she’s a supportive friend, somebody that is always willing to have her back and help her do her best. She outright says that Sayaka helps her reach her ideal, something that Sayaka loves about her; that she continually strives to be the best she can be, and try to reach her goals. And Touko just outright said that she, Sayaka, was a huge part of why she tried to do that. And that it doesn’t need to be as a girlfriend, but just as a friend she cared about. 

Sayaka ends the episode with a parallelism of a sentiment from earlier, that some distance is okay for now. But they are fundamentally different sentiments. In that scene, Sayaka was talking about distance from Touko at all; just pining for her from afar, and clearly just not doing the best that she could to be a friend, not because she meant to, but because of baggage that she likely didn’t even realize she had. But now she is, to an extent, free from that. She can be better. She can be stronger, and she can grow, as somebody happy to consider herself (for now) Touko’s best friend.

Oh, did you think I was done? Nope! We’re only at Episode 8, baby. Let’s rock!

So Sayaka is waiting for Touko to arrive via train, and bumps into an old “friend.”

And she has things to say. Let’s walk through them.

Like, it’s worth remembering that Sayaka is the one that was tormented by this relationship for quite some time, to an extent probably still was well after she met Touko. It was in some respects a key formative moment for her, and something that she will in some regards probably always remember. 

And now the person that shot her down is basically taking all agency away from Sayaka entirely; it’s not that she agonized for months because of her own will and her own feelings, it’s not like the pain that she felt for so long after getting completely shot down and her feelings invalidated by somebody that she cared enough about to desperately try to convince herself that not only was this understandable but she was completely right to do so, until faced with a situation that simply made that sort of rationalization impossible, like, none of that was because of Sayaka. 

But it was all because she was tricked into a relationship and made to feel that way, by somebody who was able to treat it as nothing and blithely dismiss it when Sayaka desperately came to her for reassurance. Like in essence, not only is Sayaka being told that her feelings mean nothing because she didn’t truly feel them, not really, she’s being told that they mean nothing since they originate from someone who, as far as Sayaka can see, never cared that much for them in the first place.

I mean, strictly speaking the anime (and manga, I’d assume, since there’s a whole spinoff LN about it) doesn’t tell us that much about her mentality in middle school, but of Sayaka’s many, many insecurities, given that she constantly drives to be the academic and athletic equal to a self-made wunderkind, I’m not sure being “ordinary” is something Sayaka is particularly interested in being; if anything, given how her drive to succeed is one of the things Sayaka loves about Touko, it’s probably quite the opposite; that she especially likes people that she feels are extraordinary or try to excel. 

But setting that little bit of silliness aside, in many ways Sayaka is very, very different from the kid initially deeply hesitant in her own feelings. And in many ways is far better off for it; she’s certainly somebody with a drive and a purpose in her life, somebody that has found somebody she cares about and is willing to protect who does care about her in turn (if in a different way than she might like), she’s somebody that strives to do her best in everything she sets her mind to do, and often manages to accomplish that. She has her issues, plenty of issues, but many of them aren’t things the girl in front of her seems to understand at all, and if anything Sayaka would feel is responsible for. And they’re issue that she is often, slowly, trying to get better at, step by step. 

  But now the person that, in many ways, challenged and could have obliterated her very sense of self, is basically saying that that Sayaka is the one that matters, and the Sayaka that Sayaka has worked so hard to be, has put all her life into being, is “wrong” somehow, and that’s not something Sayaka would be particularly inclined to let go. 

Like, in many senses Sayaka is like Touko in that she is tied and fixated to a perception of herself in the past. But whereas Touko is somebody that can’t escape that self and refuses to even try, Sayaka would prefer, at this point, to simply make a clean break of it. 

And so Sayaka does, as grandly and personally as a person probably could do. And I think that honestly, Sayaka probably genuinely didn’t feel that way until Senpai had been done talking; at the very least, it was something that was solidified in her at that moment. After the person she loves more than anyone else talks specifically about how she appreciates her for who she is, flawed as that person might be, and how Sayaka actually manages to make Touko stronger as a result of all her concentrated effort, well, that isn’t much of a comparison to somebody that would tell her to her face that none of that was, in essence, her choice to begin with and she would rather that person not exist. 

Like the above moment when Sayaka says this Senpai is rather happy, even if it’s because she has the totally wrong impression of what Sayaka is trying to communicate. And I think that in many ways that’s the right reaction; at the end of the day, regardless of whatever feelings the two have, had, or may have had for each other, Sayaka just ending everything now and saying, in no uncertain words, that she simply wanted Senpai out of her life, is probably what is best for the both of them, Sayaka especially, given how cathartic it would be to finally, actually, be able to say that, to be able to actually get the last word to somebody that managed to render her speechless and break her heart. 

In fact, I want to note that she completes this with a genuinely intimate gesture. This is the sort of thing Sayaka seemed genuinely terrified to do in the past, she was somebody that was all about self-control and creating a firm barrier between her and Touko, but that barrier has pretty clearly broken down a little. Touko doesn’t particularly mind this- her issue isn’t Sayaka having feelings for her at all, but simply Sayaka trying to commit to and act upon them- which I’m sure was a bit of a shot, but also something of a relief.

So! Let us move on from the past and discuss the present. Now that there is less discord in the group over the nature of the performance, the primary issue is the oncoming track meet. And Yuu and Sayaka in particular seem to be having some problems working together. Yuu is the one that takes the initiative in trying to maybe mend some fences, but Sayaka freely chooses to reciprocate, with little animosity. 

The two then chat about their first impressions of each other, and then Sayaka just kind of quietly (and quickly) says 

Like, you get the impression that having gotten to know Yuu, she doesn’t dislike her. Not really. She may dislike that Touko likes her, she may dislike how she thinks Yuu feels for Touko, but now that she has sightly tempered her jealousy, her feelings toward Yuu as a person come across as decently amicable, and that’s not really something that changes in the rest of the show. 

In a way, more than anything, what seems to be operating as a barrier is the thing that neither of them particularly seemed interested in confronting up to this point; their respective feelings for Touko. Yuu raises the issue first, with Sayaka simply dismissing it, and Yuu does the same. And thus Sayaka ends up concluding…

That that’s where they are. Two rivals in love, even if neither is willing to strictly admit to the other, Touko, or, in Sayaka’s eyes, maybe themselves. And this conversation really does seem to help them; they don’t converse much until the next episode, but they unreservedly agree on the day of the Athletic Meet, and then during the meet itself

They actually manage to do what had been a struggle for them in the first place; get in sync enough to properly pass the baton. At heart, Sayaka’s problem, from watching the anime, isn’t animosity, both jealous and simply the two not seeming to understand each other, and not really being able to be themselves, and regardless of what they admit or don’t strictly admit, it’s clear to both of them, it seems, that that’s simply not a thing that is any longer true. 

And then there’s the bit at the camp before everything goes to hell.

This is actually a short scene but it might be worth talking about a main reason it’s probably here. Outside her final bit and the scene in 7 before she goes to talk to Miyako, this is, as far as I can tell, the only time Sayaka wears glasses in the entire show. It’s just not something that she does either at school proper or at the student council, or in any sort of casual capacity. She is of course, happy to do it in her own home, and evidently occassionally in front of Touko. It shows, to an extent, a weakness or flaw of her’s- nobody would judge her at all for being near-sighted, most probably, but it’s something that she feels holds her back, and she doesn’t want other people to see it, unless they’re people that on some level, she has some degree of comfort with. 

And Yuu is in the room too. She’s okay with Yuu also being in this moment, of seeing something that she lets very few people see, because she simply feels that Yuu isn’t somebody that she needs to hide her insecurities or weaknesses from, because on one level or another, they’re two people that understand each other. 

Things take a darker turn at the end of the night, with Sayaka thinking about how she wishes she could do something, but in the end she’s glad Yuu’s there, because as much as she loves Touko, she also loves what they have right now, that there is a time and place for those happy moments, and gets that potentially ruining everything simply isn’t what she wants. 

Of course, then everything goes to hell, as it does. 

After Touko breaks, Sayaka is not only able to quickly figure out that something’s wrong, but very quickly what happened, and even why it bothered Touko so much. 

And that’s simply because she’s somebody that does, on some level, get who Touko is, and many of Touko’s problems. She knew, after all, to look for the student council book of her sister in the first place even before Touko thought to hide ti. On some level Sayaka isn’t just attentive, but she’s somebody that gets Touko enough that trying to hide things from her… doesn’t really work.

And so, she decides on a plan, and a way to deal with Yuu.

And it’s pretty placid, as it goes. Unlike the last time she feels the need to make such a missive, she feels no need to make things personal and is simply calm and frank: Touko doesn’t want Yuu worrying about her, she’ll take care of this. And on some level it may be (okay is) a jealousy thing, in part this is simply a duty Sayaka has assigned herself and has always had for herself. If she can’t do it now, when she alone understands the problem, when she alone has the knowledge necessary to solve it, what purpose does she have, really? 

And, well, it doesn’t quite work out that well. And I think there’s a couple reasons for that. Number 1.

I think Sayaka gets quite a bit of what is going on with Touko at this point, and I think the point Sayaka is trying to make is one that Touko does really need to hear. But the larger issue is one that she’s simply missing partially because she doesn’t know about this part of Touko’s life, she only knows about Touko after she began her years-long performance and given that they both were continually trying to keep the other as emotionally distant as possible. That’s a distance Sayaka is trying to close right now, both as a friend and as somebody that loves Touko. But Touko is simply too closed off with that information at heart, and she simply doesn’t know enough about Touko’s life, the “real” Touko’s life, to really get at the core of the problem.

But I think there’s another fundamental one. It goes back to what is occurring with Touko being “better” for her in the long run”. Like, I’m entirely unconvinced that Sayaka really gets how completely self-destructive Touko is. She has rarely tried to really get close to Touko before, especially on these sorts of terms. It took Touko basically outright saying it to Yuu, someone who knows Touko on this level simply a lot better, to really figure out what the core issue is. 

Like, for somebody who sees Touko as somebody that always strives to do better at what she achieves, and excels, the two things she says she loves about Touko the most, the possibility that all this stems from Touko simply despising herself as a person is something that would be rather difficult for her to grasp, and rather understandably so. So her attempts just… don’t work, and it comes down to Yuu figuring out a way to improvise things, because she’s really the only one that can.

The rest of the final episode is pretty much all Touko and Yuu, but we do get one final shot of Sayaka at the end, reading something and then smiling. 

It’s kind of hard to say what that is exactly, it can’t be an edited script because we just saw Koyomi slaving away on it in a previous shot, but regardless it does seem like, for one reason or another, Sayaka has regained a bit of optimism about things, and a degree of determination which is all for the good.

Okay that was far too long (4.6k words really now) but thank you for coming to my Sayaka-chan Ted Talk. 

Hope your day goes well. Cheers. 

[justselfloathingthings-blog]

Character Analysis- Bloom into You, Sayaka Saeki.

WARNING: This is super long and I had a really overlong paragraph noting this before deciding, like, it was a downer and totally unnecessary. So yeah, this is long and uses a mixture of text and images.

Cut go!

To really understand Sayaka, we have to go back in time a bit. To Sayaka’s time at Tomosumi Girl’s middle school. While there, one of Sayaka’s upperclassmen asked her out. She didn’t necessarily have a positive reaction at first, but she grew to love the other girl. 

When high school came, Sayaka’s was tortured when the girl that she loved seemed to not want to interact with her at all. As a result, Sayaka decided that she needed to take matters into her own hands. She assumed her senpai was suffering just as much as she was. 

Her upperclassmen didn’t share her feelings at all. If anything, she merely saw it as a sort of game that was was playing with Sayaka, not anything that she should take remotely seriously. It wasn’t a true relationship. She doesn’t ask Sayaka’s feelings about this, of course. She doesn’t even try to consider them. In her eyes, what she was saying was axiomatically true and that Sayaka would naturally agree. That she would still have the skepticism that plagued her at the beginning of her relationship before Sayaka realized how she felt.

Again, this is something that Sayaka thought at the beginning of their relationship, that it was something that was “weird”. Socially it’s not something that is done.

Sayaka felt like her feelings were real. She thought that her senpai was leading her somewhere beautiful and different and full of genuine, if seemingly unusual, love. The pain that she felt as a result was quite real. It must have hurt so much. 

So she tries to convince herself, as a coping mechanism, that her senpai is totally right. That was just a meaningless phase, and that girls simply didn’t love other girls. Everything that she felt was fake; if it was fake, then why was the girl she “loved” so blithely turn her down, after opening her to this possibility to begin with. The whole struggle did quite a bit of damage to her, to the point that she was so distracted that she got second place in the entrance exams. She is determined to be better than her, and surpass her in no time. 

And as she continued to convince herself, #1 herself walked by.

And in that one, shining moment, Sayaka’s feelings returned full force. And she decided that the feelings for Tokou... felt real enough, that she wasn’t going to necessarily let her broken heart deny that she seems to have them.

Time passes, as time often does, and Touko and Sayaka get closer. Due to the relationship that the two have, one that is rather close, the two become known as something of a power duo. 

Sayaka is seen as knowing Touko better than anyone else. In fact Sayaka says that herself, basically word for word, to Yuu. However, it is partially because she knows Touko better than most people that she keeps the other girl, emotionally, at arm’s length, and would never consider telling her friend about her feelings.

She’s somebody that knows that Touko, emotionally speaking, wants Sayaka to keep herself at arm’s length romantically, and thus on some level she does so emotionally as well, which I’ll get to in a bit. But instead, she decides to attempt to do what she can to protect her.

If she can’t be Touko’s love, she can at least do everything she can to make her safe and happy. She really is rather ambivalent about the stage show, but she gets that, for whatever reason, it’s something that Touko wants to do. And thus she considers it her responsibility to help, and pick up the pieces together if something goes wrong.

I think that’s enough context. Let’s jump into the show proper.

In the first episode, Sayaka is honestly pretty chill. She welcomes Yuu with, more or less, open arms, and is decently playful with Touko, the two having a relatively decent rapport. You get a slight hint of how well Sayaka really knows Touko with her certain declaration that Touko will turn everyone down, but by itself that doesn’t mean that much.

Then, in the rest of episode 1, the relationship between Yuu and Touko rapidly accelerates. Sayaka can kind of tell this, and it’s rather clear that she is not particularly happy about it. 

In this case, Touko manages to talk Sayaka down a little and get her to concede that it’s Touko’s choice at the end of the day, but you can see very clearly that Sayaka isn’t particularly happy about it, and feels just a tad jealous. 

Jealousy is something that Touko doesn’t have in short supply of in regards to Yuu, as Sayaka demonstrates again in Episode 7. The fact is that, I think on some level, Sayaka is a little scared. She’s already had to deal with one person moving on without her, deciding that their relationship isn’t truly worth much, and she feels like the same could easily happen with Touko too, especially when she’s too scared to confess, both for Touko’s sake and her own. 

]Her animosity to Yuu feels far more nuanced than petty jealousy. She doesn’t want anybody else getting close to Touko, she’s Touko’s protector and nobody else is allowed to be, because Touko is what she has, who she loves, and she can’t let what happened happen again. In my opinion, the jealousy in large part stems from fear.

Sayaka isn’t particularly important again until Episode 7, but this is where her character starts to shine, and she becomes much more relevant to the story. So let’s dig into this. 

The episode begins with Touko beating Sayaka on a pop quiz. Someone teases Sayaka because she continually can’t beat Touko (just like when they first met, she’s always #2), and this is her response. 

I actually see this as really important, but I think my point will be clearer if I save it for later. Just... keep it in your headspace. 

Later on in the episode, the Student Council is briefing their new recruit, Yuu’s friend Koyomi, about the stage show and, as a writer, what she could contribute, with Koyomi making it clear that for her, this is little more than writing practice.

As they talk however, their school supervisor Riko comes in, and between what Sayaka sees as slight moments of intimacy and Riko’s rather terrible attempts at damage control, she starts to suspect that the two are actually together. 

By itself, this doesn’t seem to mean that much to her. But later that night, she’s plagued by the thought of Yuu and Touko getting together, to the point that she’s actually shaking. Her fears consume her and she needs to go to the cafe and ask. Riko is doing other things but Miya is there, and so, after a bit of fumbling, Sayaka manages to ask what is on her mind, and Miya gives her a direct, clear affirmative, much to Sayaka’s shock. 

I think the shock could stem from a few things. I’m not sure it’s really gotten into Sayaka’s head that being gay is more than a teenage thing. Her first crush explicitly broke her heart by saying that it isn’t, and the only other relationship she really knew about was the Sayaka-Yuu-Touko mess, and all three of them were teenagers. In some ways, I think this was a good moment for her, to really understand that it is something that transcends age. 

The other reason for her surprise, one she actually tells Miya, is how direct she was. And Miya’s response is rather equally direct, and something that I think also really does impact Sayaka quite a bit. 

It’s worth noting that Sayaka operates in secrets. Her relationship with her senpai was a secret, she tries to keep her jealousy toward Yuu a secret, she tries to keep her feelings for Touko a secret. She’s somebody that simply isn’t very open about her feelings. That isn’t to say that she doesn’t often have very good reasons for that, but it is simply the world she knows, and she could easily think that it is really the only world when she has feelings like her’s. And part of the issue is that she actually takes it rather far. 

She is so desperate to conceal her feelings that she closes herself off. Not just to random admirers, not just to Yuu, but to herself and even to Touko. She isn’t somebody that allows herself to be herself, because she’s scared. She’s scared that it will scare Touko away, at the end of the day. And being told that not only is that something that is rather childish, but something that she simply doesn’t need to do, is something that I think really would mean something to her, even if she doesn’t say so or even realize it. 

The conversation then drifts to being about Sayaka, and Sayaka admits that she has a crush on Touko. And thus Miya asks a rather logical question- why does Sayaka like her in the first place? And, seemingly a little caught off guard at being asked, her first answer is rather superficial. It’s one that I’m sure is true (she was captivated by Touko the minute that she looked at her) but superficial all the same. But then, calming down a little, she expands. 

At the time, this in part seems to establish that Sayaka loves Touko for who she is as a “person”. Though the effort to achieve her goals is all Touko at the end of the day. It is her desire to strive for more and achieve her goals that Sayaka loves, and not whatever those goals specifically are. But as we learn, so is the first thing that she mentions. No matter who she was trying to be, that is a complete failure to be Mio and is, simply, a different person entirely. Sayaka fell in love with Touko Nanami, and nobody less. 

The more I think about this bit, the more I think there’s a lot going on here. Immediate is that she genuinely is concerned about Touko; Sayaka shows quite a bit of knowledge into what Touko is like, but the idea that she has the full picture is ludicrously unlikely. She just knows that Touko doesn’t want to get close to people, and she knows that for whatever reason Touko is consumed (and tormented) by something. So she doesn’t want to make that worse, which is very admirable. 

I think there’s a bit of fear for herself here too. Touko is somebody that Sayaka isn’t quite sure is gay; she thinks she might be, but doesn’t know for sure. And her previous relationship was her getting burned because the person she loved turned out to not be into girls after all, and I don’t think that’s something that she’s necessarily forgotten, and something that has been a big deal for her (even if it’s something she is getting ready to overcome). I think she also deeply is scared about being alone; it’s part of all her anxiety and jealousy over Yuu’s relationship; to her, the romantic relationship is essentially what she has, and if she loses that, she has nothing.

But I think she kind of realizes something during this conversation. That it isn’t all she has. Touko is someone that she admires, someone she wants to support. She loves her, yes, but she wants to be a good supportive friend too. She wants to be someone Touko can depend on, can count on, and can bolster her strengths instead of weakening them. In a way, a path starts to open for her that she didn’t even really consider before. 

She struggles with the idea that maybe she’s been selfish by hiding everything from Touko like she has, but she gets politely assured that if anything it’s the opposite, and she’s being kind protecting her the way that she has. 

Cut to the next day. Sayaka gets second on another quiz. This time. The scene goes. Like this. 

The contrast to that little bit I suggested you remember from the beginning of the episode is ridiculously stark. Sayaka actually seems to have gained a competitive edge that she was completely lacking. And that’s in large part because she’s not just kind of hedging anymore, and has decided that though she loves Touko, and this absolutely is something she will tell her eventually, right now what is important is being a good friend to Touko. Do what she can to help her be happy, succeed, and excel. And Touko responds to this.

I’m trying to imagine how much this must mean to Sayaka. She is trying to get stronger, learn to work with Touko as just a friend and set any baggage to the side, and Touko suddenly talks about how that is what she loves about Sayaka. That she’s a supportive friend, somebody that is always willing to have her back and help her do her best. She outright says that Sayaka helps her reach her ideal, something that Sayaka loves about her; that she continually strives to be the best she can be, and try to reach her goals. And Touko just outright said that she, Sayaka, was a huge part of why she tried to do that. And not as a girlfriend, but as a friend she cared about. 

Sayaka ends the episode with a parallelism of a sentiment from earlier, that some distance is okay for now. But they are fundamentally different sentiments. In that scene, Sayaka was talking about distance from Touko at all; just pining for her from afar, and clearly just not doing the best that she could to be a friend, not because she meant to, but because of baggage that she likely didn’t even realize she had. But now she is, to an extent, free from that. She can be better. She can be stronger, and she can grow, as somebody happy to consider herself (for now) Touko’s best friend.

Oh, did you think I was done? Nope! We’re only at Episode 8, baby. Let’s rock!

So Sayaka is waiting for Touko to arrive via train, and bumps into an old “friend.”

And she has things to say. Let’s walk through them.

Like, it’s worth remembering that Sayaka is the one that was tormented by this relationship for quite some time, to an extent probably still was well after she met Touko. It was in some respects a key formative moment for her, and something that she will in some regards probably always remember. 

And now the person that shot her down is basically taking all agency away from Sayaka entirely; it’s not that she agonized for months because of her own will and her own feelings, it’s not like the pain that she felt for so long after getting completely shot down and her feelings invalidated by somebody that she cared enough about to desperately try to convince herself that not only was this understandable but she was completely right to do so, until faced with a situation that simply made that sort of rationalization impossible, like, none of that was because of Sayaka. 

But it was all because she was tricked into a relationship and made to feel that way, by somebody who was able to treat it as nothing and blithely dismiss it when Sayaka desperately came to her for reassurance. Like in essence, not only is Sayaka being told that her feelings mean nothing because she didn’t truly feel them, not really, she’s being told that they mean nothing since they originate from someone who, as far as Sayaka can see, never cared that much for them in the first place.

I mean, strictly speaking the anime (and manga, I’d assume, since there’s a whole spinoff LN about it) doesn’t tell us that much about her mentality in middle school, but of Sayaka’s many, many insecurities, given that she constantly drives to be the academic and athletic equal to a self-made wunderkind, I’m not sure being “ordinary” is something Sayaka is particularly interested in being; if anything, given how her drive to succeed is one of the things Sayaka loves about Touko, it’s probably quite the opposite; that she especially likes people that she feels are extraordinary or try to excel. 

But setting that little bit of silliness aside, in many ways Sayaka is very, very different from the kid initially deeply hesitant in her own feelings. And in many ways is far better off for it; she’s certainly somebody with a drive and a purpose in her life, somebody that has found somebody she cares about and is willing to protect who does care about her in turn (if in a different way than she might like), she’s somebody that strives to do her best in everything she sets her mind to do, and often manages to accomplish that. She has her issues, plenty of issues, but many of them aren’t things the girl in front of her seems to understand at all, and if anything Sayaka would feel is responsible for. And they’re issue that she is often, slowly, trying to get better at, step by step. 

  But now the person that, in many ways, challenged and could have obliterated her very sense of self, is basically saying that that Sayaka is the one that matters, and the Sayaka that Sayaka has worked so hard to be, has put all her life into being, is “wrong” somehow, and that’s not something Sayaka would be particularly inclined to let go. 

Like, in many senses Sayaka is like Touko in that she is tied and fixated to a perception of herself in the past. But whereas Touko is somebody that can’t escape that self and refuses to even try, Sayaka would prefer, at this point, to simply make a clean break of it. 

And so Sayaka does, as grandly and personally as a person probably could do. And I think that honestly, Sayaka probably genuinely didn’t feel that way until Senpai had been done talking; at the very least, it was something that was solidified in her at that moment. After the person she loves more than anyone else talks specifically about how she appreciates her for who she is, flawed as that person might be, and how Sayaka actually manages to make Touko stronger as a result of all her concentrated effort, well, that isn’t much of a comparison to somebody that would tell her to her face that none of that was, in essence, her choice to begin with and she would rather that person not exist. 

Like for a moment when Sayaka says this Senpai is rather happy, even if it’s because she has the totally wrong impression of what Sayaka is trying to communicate. And I think that in many ways that’s the right reaction; at the end of the day, regardless of whatever feelings the two have, had, or may have had for each other, Sayaka just ending everything now and saying, in no uncertain words, that she simply wanted Senpai out of her life, is probably what is best for the both of them, Sayaka especially, given how cathartic it would be to finally, actually, be able to say that, to be able to actually get the last word to somebody that managed to render her speechless and break her heart. 

So! Let us move on from the past and discuss the present. Now that there is less discord in the group over the nature of the performance, the primary issue is the oncoming track meet. And Yuu and Sayaka in particular seem to be having some problems working together. Yuu is the one that takes the initiative in trying to maybe mend some fences, but Sayaka freely chooses to reciprocate, with little animosity. 

The two then chat about their first impressions of each other, and then Sayaka just kind of quietly (and quickly) says 

Like, you get the impression that having gotten to know Yuu, she doesn’t dislike her. Not really. She may dislike that Touko likes her, she may dislike how she thinks Yuu feels for Touko, but now that she has sightly tempered her jealousy, her feelings toward Yuu as a person come across as decently amicable, and that’s not really something that changes in the rest of the show. 

In a way, more than anything, what seems to be operating as a barrier is the thing that neither of them particularly seemed interested in confronting up to this point; their respective feelings for Touko. Yuu raises the issue first, with Sayaka simply dismissing it, and Yuu does the same. And thus Sayaka ends up concluding...

That that’s where they are. Two rivals in love, even if neither is willing to strictly admit to the other, Touko, or, in Sayaka’s eyes, maybe themselves. And this conversation really does seem to help them; they don’t converse much until the next episode, but they unreservedly agree on the day of the Athletic Meet, and then during the meet itself

They actually manage to do what had been a struggle for them in the first place; get in sync enough to properly pass the baton. At heart, Sayaka’s problem, from watching the anime, isn’t animosity, it’s simply the two not seeming to understand each other, and not really being able to be themselves, and regardless of what they admit or don’t strictly admit, it’s clear to both of them, it seems, that that’s simply not a thing that is any longer true. 

And then there’s the bit at the camp before everything goes to hell.

This is actually a neat scene but it might be worth talking about a main reason it’s probably here. Outside her final bit and the scene in 7 before she goes to talk to Miyako, this is, as far as I can tell, the only time Sayaka wears glasses in the entire show. It’s just not something that she does either at school proper or at the student council, or in any sort of casual capacity. She is of course, happy to do it in her own home, and evidently occassionally in front of Touko. It shows, to an extent, a weakness or flaw of her’s- nobody would judge her at all for being near-sighted, most probably, but it’s something that she feels holds her back, and she doesn’t want other people to see it, unless they’re people that on some level, she has some degree of comfort with. 

And Yuu is in the room too. She’s okay with Yuu also being in this moment, of seeing something that she lets very few people see, because she simply feels that Yuu isn’t somebody that she needs to hide her insecurities or weaknesses from, because on one level or another, they’re two people that understand each other. 

Things take a darker turn at the end of the night, with Sayaka thinking about how she wishes she could do something, but in the end she’s glad Yuu’s there, because as much as she loves Touko, she also loves what they have right now, that there is a time and place for those happy moments, and gets that potentially ruining everything simply isn’t what she wants. 

Of course, then everything goes to hell, as it does. 

After Touko breaks, Sayaka is not only able to quickly figure out that something’s wrong, but very quickly what happened, and even why it bothered Touko so much. And that’s simply because she’s somebody that does, on some level, get who Touko is, and many of Touko’s problems. She knew, after all, to look for the student council book of her sister in the first place even before Touko thought to hide ti. On some level Sayaka isn’t just attentive, but she’s somebody that gets Touko enough that trying to hide things from her... doesn’t really work.

And so, she decides on a plan, and a way to deal with Yuu.

And it’s pretty placid, as it goes. Unlike the last time she feels the need to make such a missive, she feels no need to make things personal and is simply calm and frank: Touko doesn’t want Yuu worrying about her, she’ll take care of this. And on some level it may be (okay is) a jealousy thing, in part this is simply a duty Sayaka has assigned herself and has always had for herself. If she can’t do it now, when she alone understands the problem, when she alone has the knowledge necessary to solve it, what purpose does she have, really? 

And, well, it doesn’t quite work out that well. And I think there’s a couple reasons for that. Number 1.

I think Sayaka gets quite a bit of what is going on with Touko at this point, and I think the point Sayaka is trying to make is one that Touko does really need to hear. But the larger issue is one that she’s simply missing partially because she doesn’t know about this part of Touko’s life, she only knows about Touko after she began her years-long performance and given that they both were continually trying to keep the other as emotionally distant as possible. That’s a distance Sayaka is trying to close right now, both as a friend and as somebody that loves Touko. But Touko is simply too closed off with that information at heart, and she simply doesn’t know enough about Touok’s life, the “real” Touko’s life, to really get at the core of the problem.

But I think there’s another fundamental one. It goes back to what is occurring with Touko being “better” for her in the long run”. Like, I’m entirely unconvinced that Sayaka really gets how completely self-destructive Touko is. She has rarely tried to really get close to Touko before, especially on these sorts of terms. It took Touko basically outright saying it to Yuu, someone who knows Touko on this level simply a lot better, to really figure out what the core issue is. Like, for somebody who sees Touko as somebody that always strives to do better at what she achieves, and excels, the two things she says she loves about Touko the most, the possibility that all this stems from Touko simply despising herself as a person is something that would be rather difficult for her to grasp, and rather understandably so. So her attempts just... don’t work, and it comes down to Yuu figuring out a way to improvise things, because she’s really the only one that can.

The rest of the final episode is pretty much all Touko and Yuu, but we do get one final shot of Sayaka at the end, reading something and then smiling. 

It’s kind of hard to say what that is exactly, it can’t be an edited script because we just saw Koyomi slaving away on it in a previous shot, but regardless it does seem like, for one reason or another, Sayaka has regained a bit of optimism about things, and a degree of determination which is all for the good.

Okay that was far too long (4.6k words really now) but thank you for coming to my Sayaka-chan Ted Talk. 

Hope your day goes well. Cheers. 

[satoshi-mochida]

Kodansha Comics, Vertical Comics, and Vertical announced new manga and novel releases for fall 2019 on Wednesday.

Vertical will release the following titles:

Title: Bakemonogatari manga Author: Oh! great, based on NisiOisin's novels Debuts in October

Story Summary: One day, high-school student Koyomi Araragi catches a girl named Hitagi Senjougahara when she trips. But—much to his surprise—she doesn't weigh anything. At all. She says an encounter with a so-called “crab” took away all her weight … Monsters have been here since the beginning. Always. Everywhere.

Title: Seraph of the End: Guren Ichinose Resurrection at Nineteen novel Author: Takaya Kagami Debuts in December

Story Summary: Guren Ichinose has sinned. He broke the taboo on human resurrection. He tried to bring back his fallen friends and family with the Seraph of the End experiment. Now humanity once again faces destruction. The only survivors are demons and children. With the human population less than a tenth of what it was, monsters multiply across the earth and vampires hunt humans as prey. But the humans that remain cling on to the hope that the world will be restored. Keeping the knowledge of his crime to himself, Guren Ichinose must take a step forward once more.

Title: Hanging High School novel (third in Zaregoto Series) Author: NisiOisin Debuts in September

Story Summary: The mission is: save the girl! The tragedy I saw at school: in order to get along well with someone you don't know, there is one promise you have to keep. That is, you must have feelings of friendship towards the other person. In other words, it is not possible to get along well with someone you don't know. No; to begin with, even the desire to get along with someone you don't know is a bit off the beaten path, don't you think?

This June, an honest person who doesn't like pipe dreams, who physiologically simply cannot allow even one contradiction to stand—namely, me—was dragged by the Most Powerful Entrepreneur In the World, Jun Aikawa, to the renowned private all-girls Sumiyuri Academy. And there was no point in me protesting.

The incident happened at the academy. You could say I was dragged into it, or that I leapt into the whirlpool. Well, whatever you say, however you explain it, there definitely isn't any meaning in it. Everything that happened, after all, is nothing but nonsense—

In addition, Vertical will release VOfan's Colorful Dreams artbook in October and NisiOisin's Monogatari Series Box Set Season 2 in December. Both releases will have new cover art by VOfan. Vertical will release Arata Kanou's Hoshi no Koe Ai no Kotoba/Hoshi o Koeru novel under the title Voices of a Distant Star: Words of Love in July.

Kodansha Comics will release the following titles:

Title: Cells at Work! Code Black manga Authors: Shigemitsu Harada and Issei Hatsuyoshiya, based on Akane Shimizu's manga Debuts in summer

Story Summary: In this new spinoff of the hit manga, a newbie Red Blood Cell is one of 37 trillion working to keep this body running. But something's wrong! Stress hormones keep yelling at him to go faster. The blood vessels are crusted over with cholesterol. Ulcers, fatty liver, trouble (ahem) downstairs … It's hard for a cell to keep working when every day is a CODE BLACK! The manga and anime Cells at Work! showed you what happens when a young, healthy body gets in trouble … but what if the body wasn't so young and was never very healthy? This new take stars a fresh-faced Red Blood Cell and his friend, the buxom White Blood Cell, as they struggle to keep themselves and their world together through alcoholism, smoking, erectile dysfunction, athlete's foot, gout … it's literal body horror!

Title: Granblue Fantasy manga

Authors: cocho and Makoto Fugetsu, created by Cygames

Debuts in fall

Story Summary: Ever since his father ran off in search of the mystical island in the sky, Estalucia, Gran has lived alone. Until one day, a girl named Lyria makes a daring escape from the army, ending in an airship falling off a cliff, and squashing Gran! When he comes to, he's back in one piece, but he's forced to join Lyria on the run. The entire world seems to be after the mysterious powers she used to revive him!

Title: If I Could Reach You (Tatoe Todokanu Ito Da Toshitemo ) manga Author: tMnR

Debuts in fall 

The Story Summary: Hopelessly in love, high schooler Uta must navigate living with her brother and Kaoru, her crush … and sister-in-law. Desperate to get over her unrequited feelings, Uta pulls away, but when the cracks in her brother's marriage begin to show, Kaoru begins to confide in her new teenage sister, which just makes matters worse!

Title: Fairy Tail: 100 Years Quest manga Authors: Hiro Mashima and Atsuo Ueda Debuts in fall

Summary: A wizard's job is never done! Get fired up for the official sequel to Fairy Tail, with story and layouts by original creator Hiro Mashima himself. Natsu, Lucy, Happy, Erza, and the whole Fairy Tail guild are back in action! And they've decided to tackle the “100 Years Quest”—a job no one's dared take on since the founding of the guild more than a century ago. A mysterious town, a baffling spirit, a ghastly new enemy … and a brand-new continent to explore. When you're with real friends, the adventures never stop!

Kodansha Comics will begin releasing Taku Kuwabara's Drifting Dragons manga in print in the holiday season. Additionally, the company will release Hiro Mashima's Fairy Tail manga in box sets, with the first box set slated for fall. The company will release a 25th anniversary hardcover box set of Clamp's Magic Knight Rayearth manga in the holiday season.