#LIKE THE ENTIRE SONG REMINDS ME OF BAXTER SO MUCH

[littleautumnboy]

say don't go by taylor swift is definitely baxter route coded

[bisexualpluto]

sometimes you come across a song that reminds you of a particular character, and I kept finding myself being reminded of baxter! so here's my curated playlist of songs that remind me of jamie & baxter. it's kind of vaguely chronological, going from that first summer, to breaking jamie's heart, to the pain and the healing, the reunion, and the reconciliation. it's not all 100% accurate, sometimes it's just vibes, and mostly based on my personal player choices and feelings, but i tried to make it a LITTLE relatable to others haha. and it sort of goes back and forth between each other's perspectives.

also i'm so sorry that it's like half taylor swift if you're not a fan, but the songs just fit!!!

if you want to just go into it and feel things out yourself, please do! but below is each song and a short explanation for why I chose it. enjoy 💕

1. Cruel Summer by Taylor Swift - Jamie

It's cool, that's what I tell him / No rules in breakable heaven / But ooh, oh / It's a cruel summer with you.

And I snuck in through the garden gate / Every night that summer just to seal my fate / And I scream, for whatever it's worth / "I love you, ain't that the worst thing you've ever heard?" / He looks up, grinning like a devil.

baxter ward, your "suitor for a season". i think of this song as the beginning of the summer, when you meet and there's an instant attraction, and you know instantly you're in too deep.

2. Beach House by Carly Rae Jepsen - Baxter

I've got a beach house in Malibu / And I'm probably gonna hurt your feelings

baxter's had other relationships before, and it never gets that deep. this song is mostly just here for the vibes lol

3. Style (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift - Jamie

I should just tell you to leave 'cause I / Know exactly where it leads, but I / Watch us go 'round and 'round each time.

you knew what you were getting yourself into.

4. Wildest Dreams (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift - Jamie

And his voice is a familiar sound / Nothing lasts forever / But this is getting good now / He's so tall, and handsome as hell / He's so bad, but he does it so well / And when we've had out very last kiss / My last request is...

you have the time of your life with him, but you know it's going to end. you just hope he remembers it as fondly as you do.

5. The Only Heartbreaker by Mitski - Baxter

So I'll be the loser in this game / I'll be the bad guy in the play / I'll be the water main that's burst in flames / You'll be by the window, only watching / I'll be the only heartbreaker

and he knows he's getting in too deep, too. he wants to feel but he doesn't want to connect. he wants to connect, but he doesn't want to feel. he knows it has to end when it ends, and he's okay with it being his fault.

6. Leave Before You Love Me by Marshmello ft. the Jonas Brothers - Baxter

I'm so good at knowing / Of when to leave the party behind / Don't care if they notice / I'll just catch a ride / I'd rather be lonely / Than wrapped around your body too tight / Yeah, I'm the type to get naked / Won't give my heart up for breaking / 'Cause I'm too gone to be staying, staying

this one makes me think about miranda's birthday party, putting so much effort into a group of friends that he doesn't feel a part of and doesn't feel like he's allowed to be. the party is a microcosm of his entire existence in your life: a suitor for a season, a planner for a party. nothing more, nothing less.

7. august by Taylor Swift - Jamie

Salt air, and the rust on your door / I never needed anything more

Will you call when you're back at school? / I remember thinking I had you

Do you remember / Remember when you pulled up and said "Get it the car"? / And I'd cancel my plans just in case you called / Back when I was living for the hope of it all

truly just this whole song. the summer ends and baxter leaves, swearing you'll never hear from him again. and you know now just as surely as you did when he walked out of that cab onto your street, that you won't ever be the same again.

8. Hits Different by Taylor Swift - Baxter

Moving on was always easy for me to do / It hits different, it hits different cause it's you.

Freedom felt like summer then, on the coast / Now the sun burns my heart, and the sand hurts my feelings

Dreams of your hair, and your stare, and sense of belief / In the good in the world, you once believed in me / And I felt you, and I held you for a while / Bet I could still melt your world / Argumentative, antithetical dream girl

he's always been able to pick up and leave a relationship when it gets too close to real. he won't admit it to himself or anyone else, but this time it's different.

9. One That Got Away by MUNA - Jamie

I'm the one who opened up, ready for a connection / I'm the one brave enough to say how I was feeling

I'm the one who's crying over you in a bath on the weekend / But I'm the one who isn't scared to dive into love on the deep end

Now I'm the one that got away

so in the aftermath, you feel your first real heartbreak as deeply as it gets. you feel sad, and frustrated, and disappointed. you wanted to open up, you thought you'd had something deep and intense and real with him. the songs in this section are all in jamie's point of view, because baxter is gone.

10. Strawberries and Cigarettes by Troye Sivan - Jamie

Long nights, daydreams / Sugar and smoke rings, I've been a fool / But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you

you think you've moved on, but something always brings you back to those memories. vibes vibes vibes

11. Lost the Breakup by Maisie Peters - Jamie

I know I am obsessed, and / Right now I might be a mess / But one day, you're gonna wake up / And oh shit, you lost the breakup

sometimes you just gotta be petty about your breakups! you still have all your friends and family, and what does he have? some hair dye and a driftwood statue? and, you know. maybe you do fantasize a little bit sometimes about running into him and showing him how much better off you are without him!

12. Vertigo by Griff - Jamie

You're scared of love / Well aren't we all?

but over time, you heal, and you understand now. you understand that he was lonely and afraid of being vulnerable. it still makes you sad, but you won't let it ruin your life.

13. Closer by the Chainsmokers ft. Halsey - Jamie

Four years, no call / And now I'm looking pretty in a hotel bar

and then five years have passed, and you walk into a restaurant to meet the wedding planner.

14. Pink Light by MUNA - Jamie

So I'm living inside my mind / I keep retracing that storyline / Thinking if I start again / I can change the way it ends

you've been given a second chance. he's weird and cagey but he's here and he remembers. and slowly, slowly, you drift back to each other.

15. Seventeen by Sharon van Etten - Baxter

I used to be seventeen / Now you're just like me / Down beneath the ashes and the stone / Sure of what I've lived and I've known / I see you so uncomfortably alone / I wish I could show you how much you've grown

this song is baxter talking to his younger self. it's been five years for him too, and during that time he's started to change. or, at least, he's come to a place where he's willing to start.

16. The Archer by Taylor Swift - Baxter

Easy they come, easy they go / I jump from the train, I ride off alone / I never grew up, it's getting so old / Help me hold onto you

I've been the archer, I've been the prey / Who could ever leave me, darling? / But who could stay?

You could stay.

he's been given a second chance. he never believed before that people could really want to stay in his life, but here he is. and here you are.

17. Secret Heart by Feist - Jamie

Secret heart, what are you made of? / What are you afraid of? / Could it be three simple words / Or the fear of being overheard?

and just like always, you understand. simply put, he knew you would.

18. Nobody Gets Me by SZA - Baxter

Only like myself when I'm with you / Nobody gets me, you do

he knows what he lost, and he asks for you to give him another chance.

you do.

19. Walking in the Wind by One Direction - Jamie

You will find me / In places that we've never been / For reasons we don't understand / Walking in the wind

fate brings you both back together.

20. betty by Taylor Swift - Baxter

I don't know anything / But I know I miss you

at the top of a skyscraper, overlooking the city, he asks for your forgiveness, and you ask him to dance. this one is also mostly vibes rather than a one-to-one comparison of their relationship, but it's about a boy who knows he messed up and is asking for a second chance. that's as fitting as anything else.

21. This Love (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift - Jamie

This love is good, this love is bad / This love is alive, back from the dead / These hands had to let it go free / And this love came back to me

self explanatory.

22. The Heart is a Muscle by Gang of Youths - Baxter

There will be no years of silence / In the shadow of regret / I won't let a soul betray me / Though my soul got used to it / I will look at love as more than just an instrument of pain / And will give myself completely, to the moving and the strange

The heart is a muscle / I want to make it strong

he wants to change and grow. and he wants to do it with you by his side.

23. Surrender My Heart by Carly Rae Jepsen - Baxter

But the benefits of all the broken hearts / That I broke before they could break me / Is a little bit of life regrets / I won't bring that mess to you when you're with me / And I want to be brave enough to show you my not-so-perfect family / And I want to be brave enough for everything

24. invisible string by Taylor Swift - Jamie

All along there was some invisible string / Tying you to me

when you were thirteen, you danced with a stranger at a soiree. when you were eighteen, that stranger walked out of a cab onto your street. and now, at twenty-three, he's not a stranger anymore.

25. Lover by Taylor Swift - Jamie

Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand? / With every guitar string scar on my hand / I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover / My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue / All's well that ends well to end up with you

i feel like baxter would cry hearing jamie say "at every table, I'll save you a seat". also the bridge has a very wedding-vow kind of vibe, perfect for our wedding planner boyfriend. feels like a fitting end to me!

i hope you enjoy this, it's been a labor of love but also just a natural progression of my obsession with him. i genuinely think baxter has one of the best romance character arcs i've come across, and i hope you love him as much as i do 💕💕💕

[shebpaw]

Books I Haven’t Read/Finished Yet But I Want To

Hello again! 

From my last post about animal book recs, I noticed a LOT of people mentioning other books I missed. In that post, I included books/series I’ve already read, and the suggestions you guys have given sound awesome and I can’t wait to read/finish them!

In the same vein, I wanted to share some books/series that I’m either currently reading or want to read and why I’m excited.

1. Guardians of GaHoole/Wolves of The Beyond/Bears of the Ice - Kathryn Lasky

A lot of you suggested Guardians and TRUST ME, I’m right on the same page! I actually own the entire series and a few one-shots I have yet to read. The thing is, I am an INSANELY SLOW reader. I have a bit of dyslexia and ADHD so reading is actually pretty hard at times, even for books so short. I usually listen to audiobooks because it gives me the freedom to occupy my hands while “reading” (also helps pass the time while I work/drive). GoG only has the first 3 or 4 books on audio, so it’s been a while working through all 15. I’m on “Exile” right now so I’m aaaaaalmost there! 

There are, however, audiobooks for Wolves of the Beyond and Bears of The Ice, so I’m mostly caught up there. I recently cancelled my Audible subscription for money reasons so I’ve had to drop WotB until I can get it from my library. 

I really REALLY encourage you guys to read the two spin-offs of GoG if you haven’t. I feel like those two series get forgotten because GoG is “over”, but these series actually continue the series in a way, albeit peripherally. And they’re just as good! I love all three series a lot and I’ll definitely come back here after I’ve FINALLY finished GoG.

 2. Swordbird - Nancy Yi Fan 

I don’t see a lot of hype for this series and honestly there should be! Nancy Yi Fan was the youngest published author, 14, at the time of Swordbird’s publishing. So far, it’s Redwall with birds, and I’m loving it! I love birds very much, and I’m excited to see where this goes!

This book is important to me because I remember reading about Nancy Yi Fan and her accomplishments when I was about 11 and wanting to be just like her. Not to get too dramatic, but I’ve struggled with writing/grammar for a long time (again, Dyslexia and ADHD) and was told by a particularly awful teacher that I’d never write anything of value. Nancy Y Fan’s accomplishments made me feel otherwise and I really think she was the start of me working past my disabilities to write stories. I still write as an adult and I’m hoping to be published someday, and I’ll always think back to Swordbird. 

It’s a shame I haven’t read it yet. It was never in any libraries and I only just recently learned it was on Kindle and I was really excited! Life gets in the way, but I really am trying to read it. I hope Yi Fan is still writing and it would be really cool to meet her one day and thank her. 

3. The Wild Road - Gabriel King

Oh, look! More cats! After Tailchaser’s Song I was itching for more Warriors-esque books, and I’ve been told The Wild Road fits the bill! Also, Richard Adams liked it, so I have high hopes. 

I had to buy this book also because no libraries had it again. It’s really a shame, but what can you do. I get kind of hesitant to buy books I haven’t read at all because I’ve been duped before by what I thought was a good book. Also, Im poor. 

Anyway, so far I like this one! It’s a series so I hope it holds up as it goes. 

4. Catamount - Micheal Peak

Another unusual animal protag book! Sadly, I don’t own this one or seen it in a library. It’s been sitting in my Goodreads list for sometime, but I’m excited to find it! It gives me The Rescuers: Down Under vibe for some reason, its probably the eagle. 

5. Dragon of the Lost Sea - Laurence Yep 

Oh boy, I’m gonna get passionate again. 

Lemme preface this by saying I have read this book, but only NOW did I learn that it’s part of a series.

Look, EVERYONE knows Laurence Yep. He’s a prolific author. You probably had to read a work of his in school. Which is why its breaks my heart to know that this book series not ONLY has no audiobook or even e-book exists, but physical copies are REALLY hard to find. I recently tracked down one on Amazon and they were out of stock. 

I wasn’t even sure that I didn’t dream this book up for YEARS. When I was in middle school, I remember picking this book up in my school’s media center. That is the ONLY place I’ve EVER seen this book in person. I fucking loved this book. After a while, though, I forgot the title and for a bit I thought I had just made it up. This series is almost NEVER mentioned when looking up Laurence Yep, and this book is awesome! 

So, wish me luck tracking down the rest of this series, its kind of become my life’s work, ngl. I’ve considered calling up my old middle school to see if I can buy their copy off them. 

6. The Named - Clare Bell

Shout out to @climbdraws​ for reminding me that this series existed! If you haven’t seen their fan art for the series, go check it out! 

I swear I saw this in a Borders years ago, forgot the name, and had a mindblowing epiphany when Climb mentioned it some 6-ish years later. 

If you guys don’t know, I like prehistoric creatures A LOT. The Named, I think, is about prehistoric Cheetahs or some similar cat. I recently bought the first book and I’m really looking forward to it! 

7. Silverhair - Stephen Baxter

More prehistoric animals! Also another book that I haven’t found yet. It’s always out of stock when I check Amazon (as of writing I just learned that this is at my local library but I’m moving to another state in less than a week so SHIT). 

8. Song of The Summer King - Jess E. Owen

Y’know what I love more than prehistoric animals? GRIFFINS! Oooooh, do I love griffins! I literally cannot tell you how much I WISH there were more griffin books. Dragons are great, but they need to take a rest and let Griffins have the spotlight for a bit (I’m also writing a book about Griffins hint hint hint). 

I have this one on Kindle and I’m working through it. It’s a series too, so hooray! 

That’s all I got so far. I’m always open to suggestions, it’ll just take me a long ass time to read them.  

[neocity-sarai]

"𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝓲𝓷 _____" 𝓼𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓼 (𝓷𝓬𝓽 𝓭𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓶)

❀ chapter 1: reader x mark, a bit of reader x jeno

❀ next door neighbors trope

❀ alerts: fluff, tinge of angst, language, suggestive

❀ song rec: “how you get the girl” by taylor swift

“Love in Vancouver”

To you, senior year seemed less bleak than any other high school year. You had just come from summer break as you were full of dreams and hopes you’d wish to fulfill during the year ahead, one of those things meant confessing your feelings to the crush you’ve had since freshman year: jeno. The giddy feeling you had your stomach first appeared when jeno helped you off the ground when you tripped during freshman orientation and the other kids gawked at the way you struggled to untangle your legs. Looking up at him, you felt your heart skip several beats. He had the prettiest eye smile and the softest expression as he gathered your miscellaneous papers that lay on the ground. When you stood, dusting yourself off, Jeno reached out his hand to you, “You must be new here? I’m Jeno.”

You froze a bit, unsure of how or what to say. In your head, you cursed yourself from stuttering so much, “I-I uh, I yeah- I’m from another middle school.”

You took note of how jeno smiled until his eyes formed crescent moons, “Oh- r-right- my name’s y/n.”

That day, jeno wore a blue baseball cap as he tipped it to you, his white teeth gleaming between his lips, “See you around, y/n.”

Watching him walk away, you felt as if your heart was going to explode out of your chest. You hoped that no one had noticed that you lingered in that spot for longer than you should have, you clutched your heart through the fabric of your thin t-shirt. After that, things seemed to become nicely adjusted for you. Your family had moved in the house next to the Lees- Mark lee to be exact. He basically became the brother that you never had, his parents would join yours for dinner on sundays. Your weekends became full of shopping in Gastown, hiking at Stanley park, and visiting the Capilano bridge with Mark. Upon the first meeting, the image of Mark was always ingrained in your head. He shyly followed his parents into your home, his soft tufts of obsidian-colored hair at the top of his head. His favorite piece of clothing was a red sweater that had the canadian flag on it, his glasses always slid down the bridge of his nose. The best part was that when your families were in one place, you and Mark always tried to deflect your parents’ teasing by covering for each other. Your dad would wiggle his eyebrows in the most skeptical way when Mark would rest his head in your shoulder, laughing at his own father. You’d snort-laugh when Mark had choked on his water when his own mother suggested you’d be more than just best friends. It felt like the happiest part of your life: the warm glow of your kitchen when Mark looked up at you adoringly as your families surrounded you. Being around Mark so much, you watched how he matured from a prepubescent child into a mature teenager who had dreams and goals he wanted to pursue. The way that his face settled into his age, his cheeks becoming thinner and more prominent and the way his fingers would be blistered from playing his guitar so much. You loved the way he talked about music or the way he burst into a fit of laughs when your mother would cut watermelon when he was over. For months, you had almost forgotten about your crush on Jeno.

That changed when Mark got his first girlfriend. His parents were surprised it wasn’t you. You remember the way he excitedly jumped around in your room, his eyes glimmering at the thought of dating a girl from your history class. As his best friend, you couldn’t do anything- say anything else. Who were you to tell him no when you’ve been the one to conceal your feelings the whole time?

Mark Lee was absolutely oblivious. He was like that towards everything, his doe eyes always sparked with curiosity and his mouth always formed an ‘o’. You didn’t dare to lose what you had. Over the course of sophomore and junior year, Mark and his girlfriend had always fought. Though it ripped the strings out of your heart, you were always there for him. Many days had you sat on the phone for hours giving him advice about how to apologize or navigate his words when talking with other girls. One night, Mark had gotten his heart broken by one of the cheerleaders and had come running to your door. Vividly, you remembered how you opened your front door to a soaking wet Mark, rain pouring down on him. He hadn’t spoken yet but you knew when he engulfed you in his arms, his head sunken into the crook of your shoulder. You let him shower in your bathroom, slipping into some spare clothes that he had in his basketball duffel bag. The only thing that illuminated the room was your lamp that was adorned with painted white sheep- something you’ve owned since the age of five. Mark had pressed you into your bed as he rested his head on your chest. For several moments, you didn’t say anything and neither did he. You didn’t need to. The feeling of Mark’s arms around your body and the way his eyes fluttered from sleep, it caused you to pull the comforter over him as you ruffled his damp hair gently. When you woke the next morning, Mark wasn’t in your bed. Instead, he left you a hand-written note on your nightstand that read, “Thanks for everything, as always. Headed out to talk to her, wish me luck. I’ll call you later.”

Your shoulders felt heavy after reading his note, you tossed it into the trash bin by your desk. That night, Mark told you he ended it for good. He told you that he couldn’t give so much love to someone who never saw him that way. In a weird way, you wanted to tell him to look at himself. Of course, you’d never say that. Both of you enjoyed your time together through the remainder of junior year and into summer. There were no boys, no girls- just you and Mark. To you, Vancouver seemed so special since it reminded you of Mark and your family. Over the summer, you and Mark would pick up sandwiches at Lonsdale Market before taking a tour of Butchart Gardens which was just a boat ride away from where you lived. Other days, you’d go to an aquarium and take silly pictures in the kid-house mirrors or you’d opt to watch the stars sparkle from the Macmillian Space Centre. You spent your time memorizing Mark’s favorite things, his quirky mannerisms that you soon would pick up yourself.

When senior year finally rolled around, you felt the air had changed. Like always, you, Mark, and your friends Renjun, Jaemin would sit at your shared lunch table- tossing cheeto puffs at each other until you made a mess. Your memories with your comfortable group of friends made you happy knowing you could spend time with them and Mark at the same time.

Jaemin nudges you with his elbow, “Hey, y/n- what do you think about jeno?”

You raise an eyebrow at the blond-haired boy, “Well, he’s my lab partner in chemistry? what about him?”

Renjun lets out a sarcastic laugh, “Everyone’s talking about it. are you guys dating? he was flirting with you so much that Mrs. Baxter scolded him three times.”

Laughing, you answer, “No, I’m sure we’re just good friends.”

Renjun mutters under his breath, “Pft, good friends- right.”

You try to insist, your heart beating at the thought of your old crush on jeno. Was it entirely gone? You smile sternly at Jaemin and Renjun, “Jeno’s an amazing guy but I don’t know if we’re like that.”

Next to you, you feel Mark stiffen, “Honestly, i don’t know if i’d call him amazing, he’s shit at basketball.”

Renjun shoots a suggestive glare at Mark, “Isn’t jeno your captain?”

“Well, yeah, but-”

Jaemin laughs again, his voice more teasing, “Ah- Mark, I can see why you’re jealous of jeno because you lik-”

Before Jaemin can finish his sentence, Mark kicks Jaemin in the shin causing Jaemin to dramatically fall on top of his tray, “I have been struck down by Mark Lee who can't even tell someone his true-”

Mark punches Jaemin in the arm causing him to scowl, “How aggressive can you be? jesus.”

Before you can tell them to cut it out, you feel a waft of air as someone plops into the seat next to you. When you turn around, your face is only inches away from none other than jeno. Renjun rolls his eyes, “Speak of the devil.”

You feel your heart rate pick up again as you scan Jeno’s eyes for some sort of sign as to why he is so close to you. He props his elbow onto the table, resting his chin in his palm, “Hey, y/n.”

“Um, hi Jeno.”

Jeno smiles at you, his dark coffee-colored locks gelled neatly on his head, ‘“Are you free this friday?”

You hear Jaemin let out a dramatic gasp, his hand covering his mouth before shooting him a deadly glare. 

“I have a free schedule this Friday, what for?”

“I’m surprised Mark hasn’t told you yet but we have our spring dance in a few weeks and this is the spring championship game. I was wondering if you wanted to be my partner for the patch ceremony?”

From the corner of my eye, you see Mark’s eyes widening, he bites his lip roughly- a nervous tick he’s had for as long as you can remember.

You say, “Yeah- I um, are you sure?”

Jeno flashes you another cheeky smile that the other girls would die for, “only you could be the one.”

Before you can answer, a girl who’s dressed in a short blue skirt and a white blouse taps Mark on the shoulder. She stares back at you, eyes glassy and innocent at first but morphing into something darker behind her blue irises. With the bounce of her blonde ponytail, she titles her head at Mark, “Hey, did you want me to be your partner for the patch ceremony? I heard it from Jackson.”

Mark stammers a bit, his eyes darting to you and back to her, “I-i-um,”

Though your heart cracks a bit from the sight, you nod at jeno, “I’d love to be your partner.”

In your head, you thought about how you were always there for Mark through numerous flings and relationships yet the whole time you didn’t go out with anyone. If Mark couldn’t see you in that light, you thought you were better off finding someone who would. When you accept Jeno’s offer, he jumps into the air, pumping his fists upwards before dashing off, “I'll text you!”

Mark finally tells the girl, “If you don’t mind.”

She launches herself at Mark, placing a sloppy smooch to his temple, “Excellent.”

It catches him off-guard. Somehow, he still doesn’t seem satisfied. You say quietly, “Well, she seems nice.”

Renjun rolls his eyes again, “I wouldn’t use the word nice exactly.”

Jaemin eyes him confusedly, “Why’s that?”

“I think Mark will find out soon enough.”

When the school bell signals the end of lunch, Mark tosses away his tray of food- his demeanor seems more exhausted than it was before. You nudge him in the arm, “You alright?”

With the grit of his teeth, he answers you in a low voice, “Just fine, y/n. Just fine.”

He storms away from you which makes you feel a bit hurt, what did you do wrong? Did he not want you to accept jeno’s offer? Either way, you had always stepped back for him, why couldn’t he do the same for you?

Friday

Friday seems like the perfect day for the championship game. As you walked through the school hallways, you could see the city in the distance and the patches of evergreens that surrounded the courtyard. A body of water gleamed under the sunlight, the azure color making you smile. One thing about moving to Vancouver was that the scenery was always beautiful. After school, you went home to change into a nice outfit- nothing too fancy but nothing too casual either. After all, you’d be giving Jeno his letterman patch after the game tonight- an event that everyone heavily anticipated. When you arrived, the cheers were ear-splitting. Renjun buried his fingers into his ears, wincing in pain as Jisung and Chenle scooted over to the seats next to him. Running out onto the court, Jeno was glowing. His hair was combed in a sleek manner as his jersey number seemed to hover over him when the students screamed his name. Mark came out running behind Jeno, their other teammates following suit after. The whole game, you felt conflicted. Your voice would be cheering for Jeno yet your eyes would stick to the movement of Mark’s body as he swayed with the beat of the cheers and became one with the basketball. Mark’s face was drenched in sweat, his eyes zeroed in on the ball with concentration. You had seen the playful, laid-back side of Mark but you had remembered how competitive he could be when he really tried. Jaemin raised his eyebrows at you, eyeing Mark and then back to you- it made your face feel warm. After a couple hours, your high school had won against the other team by two points. Your legs felt wobbly from the adrenaline of the room’s energy which bursted everytime Jeno or Mark made an appearance. The girls were always after either of them. Closing up the finish, coach had the boys line up on the court before handing them their official letterman jackets that were adorned with gold pins and the high school’s emblem. You made your way down to the center, standing across from Jeno as a teacher handed you his jersey number to place on his chest. When it was time, Mark gave you a skeptical glance before looking at the girl who stood across from him, her fingers already snaking by his waist. You press the patch to Jeno’s jacket, his smile lighting up the atmosphere. Without a warning, he wraps his strong arms around you, grasping your hand in his. When he does, you don’t push him away yet you don’t feel good either. Before this day, butterflies would have skyrocketed from inside of you. Yet now that it’s happening, they don’t like you had hoped. In your heart, you know why. Jeno whispers in the hollow of your ear as you rest your chin on his shoulder, “I need to show you something after this.”

Pulling away from him, you glance at him with shimmering eyes, “What do you want to show me?”

He smiles giddily, “Let’s go.”

You let Jeno drag you by the hand out of the double doors and towards the gym parking lot- you choose not to look back at Mark. You can’t bear to. Some of Jeno’s teammates line up on both sides, each of them holding a crimson rose in their fingers. You see one of them hand a poster to jeno before he turns around to you. As you walk closer, you end up with a bouquet of roses in your hands and you feel your heart absolutely deflate. Jeno clears his throat, holding up the sign that reads, “spring formal with me?”

You look down at the blossoming roses before meeting Jeno’s eyes, you hesitate for a brief moment. Isn’t this what you wanted all along? To be with the school’s #1 basketball star? 

Before you can ask Jeno for more time, you hear a familiar voice from behind you, “Y/n! don’t!”

All of you whip around to be faced with Mark, his brows furrowed with desperation. Jeno steps beside you, taking your hand in his, “Mark, what are you doing?”

Eyeing Mark with confusion, you look up at his tall figure. Mark steps unbelievably close to you, taking your free hand in his, “We’re going home.”

Jeno’s face grows serious, “We’re kind of in the middle of something here.”

“I can see that, we’re leaving.”

Wrenching your hand out of Mark’s grasp, you eye him incredulously. He doesn’t give up- he grabs it again, pulling you out of Jeno’s hold before Jeno can grab him by his jacket collar. You hear Jeno sneer, “You knew all along how I feel about y/n, why are you interfering?”

Mark’s eyes sharpen, his dark irises growing more stern, “Well I made a mistake of telling you that Ii’m not okay with it.”

Jeno tightens his fist on Mark’s jacket so you take it upon yourself to get in between them. They both look at you with surprise as you try to create some distance, “Jeno, let’s talk about this later. Mark, take me home.”

They both glare at each other, Jeno throwing his poster onto the ground before stomping away to the rest of his murmuring teammates. When you and Mark sit in his parked van, he starts up the ignition without saying anything. You turn to him, a scowl scribbled on your face, “What the hell was that Mark?”

He pulls out of the parking lot, his knuckles turning white from gripping the wheel so hard. When he doesn’t reply to you, your voice comes out even angrier, “Answer me, I asked what was that?”

Mark gives in by pulling over on the side of the road to answer you- he can’t seem to formulate his words and concentrate at the same time. Mark sighs heavily, fingers running through his jet-black hair, “Don’t go to spring formal with jeno.”

You want to laugh at Mark’s request, “Why shouldn’t I?”

“You just shouldn't.”

“That’s not a good enough reason. He treats me well, he’s nice, and he asks me how I’m doing!”

You sink into your seat when you hear Mark yell, his voice cracking at the end, “God damn it! y/n!”

Clutching the armrest, you timidly whisper, “Why are you so against him?”

Mark looks up at you, his hair is a mess and his eyes are glassy in the small confinement of his van, “Because, I-I can’t.”

“You can’t what?”

Mark hits his forehead into the wheel repeatedly, “Because I like you, is that what you want to hear? I like you and I can't bear to see you with him. I can’t do it.”

Falling silent, your heart beats out of your chest. Mark’s finally admitted it yet you just feel so incredibly angry. This isn’t how you wanted him to tell you. 

“You know, you can’t just do that. you can’t just tell me after all this time out of jealousy when i’ve been holding it in and you’ve been with other people and i couldn’t say anything. do you know how selfish that is?”

Instantly, you regret your words when you see a flash of hurt appear on Mark’s face, he opens his mouth like he wants to say something but closes it in the end. The car ride back to your house is scarily silent. It doesn’t help that you don’t want Mark to see you so vulnerable, you try to stifle your sobs when tears trail down your cheeks. Pulling on to the driveway, you fling the door open before speed-walking to your porch. You hear Mark call your name but you wave him off behind you. 

You’re grateful that your parents are already fast asleep so they don’t ask questions. Kicking off your shoes, you feel like you want to rewind back to when feelings didn’t cause trouble. You spot Mark sitting in his chair with his head in his hands, you stare at him longingly. In time for him to lift his head, you swipe your curtains closed.

Saturday

In the morning, you call Jeno. You tell him that you won’t be attending the spring formal not because he doesn’t treat you well but because you feel sick. Based on the disappointment in his voice, you hate that you know he can hear through your lie. Your mom asks you, “Honey, did you need a ride to the formal?”

You sigh, “I’m not going.”

“Why not? Is it because you don’t have a date to go with? Just call Mark I’m sure he’s-”

“He’s the reason I don’t want to go.”

Your mother’s gaze softens as she walks over to you, running a comforting hand at the side of your arms, “Did you fight?”

You answer plainly, “pretty much.”

“Honey, I think you should go anyway.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because, I know that boy and he would never do anything to intentionally hurt you. He might be waiting.”

Scoffing, you march back up to your room as you lay down on your comforter, fingering the thread in between the seams. Your mother knocks on your door lightly, her voice soft, “In case you change your mind.”

She places a gorgeous blush pink dress by your desk. You sit up at the sight of it, rhinestone flowers blend into the tulle skirt of it, the neckline rimmed with tiny diamonds. Looking at it, it reminds you of when you went to sit by the bay with Mark as you watched the golden sun set on the water- casting reflections of sakura pinks and lavenders at dusk. That day, Mark fussed with his hair so much because he was frustrated he couldn’t skip stones on the water, you laughed at him when you both collapsed into a bone-crushing hug. You pushed your fingers at the dress in irritation, stuffing it’s billowing fabric into your closet. It felt like a stupid thought to go to a dance full of people like Mark and Jeno. You felt upset. That’s when you heard your mother poke her head into your room, a mischievous smile slashed on her face. She says, “Okay, if you’re not going to go to the dance, let’s not waste this beautiful day. Your dad and I are taking your grandparents out for dinner. Go get ready and put the dress on.”

“Isn’t this too fancy for dinner?”

“We’re all going to dress up, it shouldn’t be a problem.”

Within the next hour or so, you slipped the dress on and did your makeup as gold sparkles highlighted your eyelids to match the dress. You thought to yourself, another day you’d die to go to spring formal in such a dress. You did your hair too, curling it into a braided bun that framed your face. 

When you came downstairs, your breath hitched in your throat. You walked down the staircase slowly as Mark and his family stood in your living room. Mark’s dressed in a black, pressed suit with his mouth agape, his mom pressing his chin upwards to close it as she whispered, “Say something!”

His eyes widened at her as he cleared his throat, “Uh-hi y/n.”

You eye him cautiously, “What are you doing here Mark?”

His mother thwacks him in the arm with the bat of her hand, “Hi? Compliment her!”

Mark coughs, glaring at his mother’s amused grin, “Y-you’re e-xtremely-y tall?”

You laugh at his comment, Mark waves his hands in the air, “N-no! I-i um, I meant-t beautiful! You’re- I-so so pretty-I-”

A blush creeps onto Mark’s cheeks as he steps closer to you. His eyes look sad, “I’m sorry.”

You nod at him, “I forgive you. I can’t be mad at you for too long.”

Mark stares at you, his doe eyes pleading, “Can I make it up to you?”

Smiling, “You may.”

Your mother and father come running down the stairs with a camera in their hands, “Picture time!!”

You look at your mother, “What about grandpa and grandma?”

Your mom winks at you, “Oh- we planned this so you could make up with each other.”

“You lied to me?”

“Anyways!”

 For once, you’re glad for your mother’s trickery. It takes about an hour for both of your families to finish taking photos of you both. Mark rests his hand comfortably on the small of your back as you lean your head on his chest. When they wave you off goodbye, you and Mark hop in his van- starting up your favorite songs on the radio. It feels magical with the windows rolled down and the breeze that courses through your hair as you cross the bridge over the water. You lean out the window, the sun sitting on the horizon of the bay, the clouds are ribbons of tangerine and magenta. Mark laughs at you as you stick your tongue out to taste the sweet air, one hand firmly on the wheel as you enter Granville Island. Mark parks the van by the dock, you both sit on the wooden platform that extends into the water. For the first few moments, you don’t say anything. You revel in each other’s company before Mark apologizes again. You shake your head, “It’s not your fault. I’m sorry too.”

He looks at you, “Why?”

“Because I never told you how I felt in the beginning.”

You continue, your hands shaking from the tremor in your heart, “You’ve been my best friend. Of course I couldn’t see Jeno that way, you’re a good guy Mark.”

Like electricity, you feel Mark pull you to him- his lips smashing on top of yours. His lips are soft and sweet, your strawberry lip gloss smearing on his bottom lip and chin. He uses his fingers to hold your jaw, his black hairs tickling your forehead a bit. He pulls away, his lips are swollen slightly before kissing you even harder. Mark grabs your hand in the process, your whole body burns like the flames of the sunset in front of you as he squeezes his eyes shut in pleasure. You're half sitting on his lap now, your lips molding together in a small, intimate moment shared between you two. When you both pall away, you hear Mark let out a small whine before burying his head into your bare shoulder. You laugh at his embarrassment, thumbing circles behind his ear, “I hope you know that I like you too. I always have.”

Mark smiles at you, chuckling, “Does that mean our hangouts are dates now?”

Pressing a kiss to his cheek, Mark’s ears glow bright red. You whisper in his ear, “I guess so, you are my boyfriend now?”

Mark repeats your words in his head many times, “Say it again.”

“What, that you’re my boyfriend now?”

Mark presses a kiss to your forehead before moving his hands to your waist, “And you’re all mine.”

Bonus:

You and Mark never did end up going to the spring formal after all. You called jeno and your friends to make it official, Jaemin’s “i told you sos” crackling through your phone speaker. Afterwards, Mark played songs on his car radio as you two danced together, hand in hand until the stars swirled in the night sky. He smiled down at you with nothing but love in his eyes, “I’ve been waiting so long for this.”

[petitprincess1]

My Heroic Au (The Fourth One)

Warning: Longish-er Post!

Yep, it’s another one (for those who have read my last three XP). If you wish to read the other parts, here they are:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3 They aren’t entirely mandatory to read, but give you a better idea of what I’m going for in this AU. Anyway, no need to delay this any longer. Here are even more of my OCs! Once again, if anyone I commissioned doesn’t want me using the images (despite me being the one who posted them), just message me and I’ll take it away.

Lorelei (created by @hriundymundy​) Age: Pretty young, around 100 Height: If she were laying flat, ~5 foot Job: Rouge Species: Mermaid/Siren Background: Lorelei knows very little about her own self. All she knows is that she was once a part of a group of sorts before she got separated, waking up in a small grotto. Since she doesn’t really know much about her birth family, Lorelei doesn’t grieve for them or anything. However, she does find herself imagining what her family possibly looked like.

Lorelei does sing to lure her victims to her waters, allowing them to get close enough to the edge of the pond. However, once they’re close, she takes off her face mask to reveal a horrifying amount of sharp, jagged teeth within a lipless maw. Before anyone could realize what’s happening, Lorelei grabs them and drags them under the water. Don’t worry, she’s not merciful. She doesn’t bother waiting for them to slip into unconsciousness or even let them die from drowning, just immediately tear the flesh from their body and listens to their muffled, panicked shrieks. Personality: Surprisingly enough, this mermaid does have a bit of a personality besides murder. Lorelei does love to come out of her grotto at times, even creating legs, and explore her surroundings. She especially loves finding flowers to decorate her little home. Although, she also does this to get better at being out of water for too long. It’s not that she can’t be out of water, she just feels a little paranoid being out of her comfort zone for too long. 

She also will casually practice her singing skills at times and doesn’t mind a traveler or two to listen. Oddly enough, Lorelei doesn’t kill them or even tempt them to her waters. She’s just happy to have someone listen to her.

Since she often stays in her waters and doesn’t venture too far, she has no idea of what Hastville is or who White Hat and Black Hat are. Neither does she know anything about heroes or villains, she’s just happy to be in her grotto, luring people to listen to her siren songs.

~~~

Naima (created by @hriundymundy​) Age: 38, but most likely a lot older than what she appears Height: 5 foot 9 Job: Rouge Species: Kitsune Background: Naima was once a part of a village that had many kitsunes and other species that lived peacefully in the woods. However, due to kitsunes possibly holding untold amounts of wisdom of the universe- especially those that earned their nine tails -they were easily taken away and stolen from families. Those that tried to put up a fight or even run away had their tails cut off and were executed on sight. Naima was just a child, so she was easily taken away from her family.

She was often just used as a servant, bringing whatever would satisfy “owners” just to end up either being the butt-end of a joke or even flat out getting harmed for even existing. Whenever she was asked to reveal secrets, despite being too young and not having nine tails, Naima would often get thrown into a small kennel within the house, leaving her locked for days with very little food and water, just enough to keep her conscious. 

Luckily, she escaped that abusive place when she was around 12 or 13 from finally having the courage to use her fire powers and wandered far into the woods, where she still remains for many years, hoping to find her family or any kitsunes. Personality: Naima, unsurprisingly, is a loner and prefers to keep it that way. She has had a few run-ins with a few people that have opened their home to her and allowed her to stay. While she does respect their hospitality and stay just for a quick meal, Naima ends up running out the moment that they have their backs turned or not paying attention to her. It’s not like she wants to be rude or never wants to trust people ever, she just can’t take the risk.

Naima is very fiery, no pun intended, and tends to get irritated somewhat easily. However, she often tends to keep that side of her away. So, more than half of the time, she often seems very stoic. However, she can actually pretty considerate and  generous if given a chance. Just don’t expect her to stay around very often.

She may have had ran in to Lorelei more than once and may have listened to the siren sing, but she doesn’t know if she considers her a friend.

~~~

Minx (created by @visionthefox​) Age: ~250 (appears to be in early 20s) Height: (without boots) 6 foot (with boots) 6 foot 1 Job: Villain Species: Succubus Background: Unknown. Personality: Minx is very overconfident and highly sexual, which is a given due to her species. She’ll often use her sexual prowess to gain information from others or even slip them into a hypnotic state to be her temporary mind slave. She also is definitely the type of person to never back down from a fight, unless you’re Black Hat, even if she’s taking on multiple people. After all, she’s used to taking more than she can handle~

However, despite being an actual threat, most people tend not to take her seriously. Her over-the-top appearance makes people think that she’s just another person who uses their body as a weapon, possibly even thinking she has no brain either. This causes her to get flustered and immediately attack without warning, making heroes and villains realize that she may actually kill them. Minx also has a poor habit of making more enemies than allies, so not too many people like this, well, minx. But she pretends to not care, she has people throwing themselves at her. Why would she need friends?

Minx also definitely does the “ohohoho” rich anime girl laugh. Only making people take her less seriously.

~~~

The Baxters (created by @jaxk-ass​)

Ages: Icarus(50), Jeannie(47), and Saacha(24) Heights: Icarus(5 foot 9), Jeannie(5 foot 6), and Saacha(5 foot 4) Jobs: Icarus(Hero), Jeannie(Hero), Saacha(Student and Hero intern) Backgrounds: No backgrounds because it’ll take forever Personalities: Icarus is a very stern father that constantly tells his daughter to be home by a certain time, even reminding her to make sure she’s eating right, sleeping properly, not doing anything illegal, and whatever else is necessary to Saacha. Even though she’s no longer living with them. He absolutely adores his wife and will often even go on midnight flights with her just to see her blush beautifully. He also gets very terrified at the thought of his daughter going into the hero business, knowing that Black Hat is merciless. He just wants to make sure she’ll be okay.

Jeannie, who’s superhero name is Supernova, used to be a villain, but Icarus ended up showing her that heroes aren’t nearly as insufferable as Black Hat makes them out to be. It also helped that she found Icarus adorable when he flew into a lamplight when he was mesmerized by her. Plus, she had always resented being a part of the Organization and Black Hat’s methods. Jeannie is just about as protective of Saacha as Icarus is, but she also knows that her daughter needs her space. She also loves to use millennial slang just to make Saacha embarrassed, but also likes to think she’s a cool mom. 

Saacha is always the mom of the group, making sure that everyone is taking care of before herself. She absolutely looks up to White Hat, despite knowing that she finds him a little off. Something about him just creeps her out. She also finds Black Hat pretty interesting, but she thinks he’s a bit childish with his temper tantrums. She also tends to be a little bit of a matchmaker and tries to hook her friends up, just loves to see them all happy. Also, despite being a hero, she is a troublemaker and often ends up in detention.

[imagitory]

D-Views: The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Bonjour, mes amies! Welcome, bienvenue, to another installment of D-Views, my written review series for films produced or inspired by the Walt Disney company! For more reviews for films like Enchanted, Star Wars Episode III, and Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, feel free to consult my “Disney reviews” tag, and please, if you enjoy this review or any of the others, please consider liking and reblogging! I look forward to writing more of these in the future for films like Wreck-It Ralph and Halloweentown, as well as Non-Disney films like Charlotte’s Web.

I recently put out a poll suggesting three Disney Renaissance films for possible review subjects, and although The Little Mermaid won that poll, this film ended up not far behind. (Thank you, @schifty-al and @mygeekcorner for your votes!) It’s one of my personal favorite Disney films of all time...The Hunchback of Notre Dame!

Victor Hugo’s classic novel Notre Dame du Paris, called The Hunchback of Notre Dame in English, seems like a very odd inspiration for a Disney animated family film, and that’s because...yeah, it is! When the Disney animators first brought Hunchback to the table, they were less inspired by the original Hugo novel glamorizing the architecture of Notre Dame cathedral, and more inspired by a graphic novel adaptation of the story, which was likewise much more influenced by the 1939 Hollywood film adaptation. Because of the historical context that 1939 adaptation was made in (premiering at Cannes during the rise of the Third Reich), themes of social justice were added to a story that originally was about how the “edifice” can outlast the flaws and sins of mankind. The “social justice” element is something that Hugo interestingly put more in his follow-up to Notre Dame du Paris, the epic brick book Les Miserables, but has since been similarly tied in the public consciousness to The Hunchback of Notre Dame, despite not existing in the original book.

The project was already an odd choice for Disney to take on thanks to the darkness of the book, but the political themes also were unique for a Disney picture as well. It clearly was a more “adult” endeavor, even though thanks to the success of previous projects like Aladdin and The Lion King, there were studio mandates demanding more comic relief, and even the marketing team was reluctant to advertise Hunchback as anything other than a family film. Rather than showing the artistry and darker scenes, the marketing almost entirely focused on the Feast of Fools and the gargoyles, highlighting the “Ugly Duckling” aspect added to the story and downplaying the more adult themes. In the end, it’s likely thanks to those poor marketing choices and the inconsistent tone of the picture that this movie failed to find its audience on first run. It only earned $21 million worldwide, compared to Pocahontas’s $29 million and The Little Mermaid’s $84 million, with mixed critical and audience reaction. Although it was nominated for an Academy Award for its music and won several others, it was noticeably less successful than other installments in the Disney Renaissance, and even now, Disney often doesn’t give Hunchback that much attention. Like Quasimodo, the film has been sort of locked up in its own tower...but now, today, I aim to bring The Hunchback of Notre Dame out of the shadows and give it the appreciation it deserves.

Our film begins in complete darkness, accompanied by resounding church bells and the amazing vocalizations of the English Opera Company, and from the very beginning, I’m just enveloped by the embrace of Alan Menken and Stephen Schwartz’s unbelievable score. Choral music in general has always been something special in my family. My mum and dad were in choirs a lot of their lives: they even first met when they joined the San Diego Master Chorale in the 80′s. Choral music remains one of my mother’s greatest loves and passions, and when I saw Hunchback, it made the choral music my parents loved so much, which focused around a faith I hadn’t been raised with and didn’t believe in, that bit more accessible to me as a child. Mum, who studied Latin in college, went on to teach me about all of the chants and phrases Menken and Schwartz added to each song so that I could more appropriately sing along. It remains one of those Disney soundtracks that cemented our close bond, and I’ll always treasure being able to see the La Jolla Playhouse production of The Hunchback of Notre Dame with my mum and getting to hear the amazing choir and instruments live.

The Bells of Notre Dame, as an opening number, cannot be matched in how it introduces us all to the story, characters, themes, and tone of the piece. In just a few minutes, the music and lyrics perfectly showcases our setting, the theme of what makes a man, the atmosphere of fear and injustice, our villain, and our hero. Menken and Schwartz previously worked together on Pocahontas, but Hunchback in my opinion easily outstrips their previous collaboration. The use of church bells of all sizes to convey the solemnity, mystery, and grandeur of the cathedral at the center of the proceedings, and the clever use of Latin phrases -- it’s just unbelievable! As one example, in the sequence where Frollo (a judge in this version, as opposed to the Archdeacon) chases Quasimodo’s mother up to the stairs of Notre Dame and she pounds on the door, crying for help, the choir sings “Quantus tremor est futurus quando Judex est venturus,” which means, “What trembling is to be when the Judge comes.” And sure enough, the line comes to a horrible, horrified halt when Judge Frollo snatches the woman’s child away and throws her to the ground.

After one of the most epic musical introductions in a Disney film, we meet our sweet, gentle hero, Quasimodo, voiced by Tom Hulce, who is just such a ray of sunshine. Although I loved hearing Michael Arden as Quasimodo on stage, Tom Hulce will always be my Quasimodo. When I was a teenager, I went through a horrible “hating the world” phase where I only ever saw pain and suffering and felt not only powerless to make anything better, but worthless as well. During that time, I turned my back on a lot of the things that had brought me joy, feeling almost unable to enjoy them anymore. One of the very few exceptions, however, was this movie and especially the character of Quasimodo. When I was at my darkest points, Quasimodo never failed to bring me some light, not because he was particularly funny, but because for all of the misery in his circumstances, he never faltered in being gentle, creative, and kind. Looking back on how I’d been, I wish I’d had just a shred of Quasimodo’s grace back then. I wish I hadn’t allowed myself to fall into despair and resentment. Since I can’t go back, however, I keep Quasimodo in my mind sometimes whenever I’m going through something difficult. He’s kind of become a guardian angel of sorts to me, reminding me that my life is a precious gift and I shouldn’t take anything for granted. And really, I couldn’t do that if not for Tom Hulce and Quasimodo’s supervising animator, James Baxter. I truly am grateful to both of them for giving me a character that even now can be a symbol of everything I wish I could be.

Unfortunately along with Quasimodo, we also meet the gargoyles, Hugo, Victor, and Laverne. As a kid, I actually liked the gargoyles all right, but as an adult...yeah, they really break the mood. Badly. The worst offender is easily Hugo, which is a shame because I like Jason Alexander as a performer, but he just goes way too over-the-top-obnoxious. It would admittedly not be as bad if it were clear that the gargoyles were all in Quasimodo’s head, but Djali sees Hugo come to life at one point and they later help Quasimodo fight off the guards. I greatly prefer the way the gargoyles are handled in the stage production, where all of the saintly statues have their own voices that nonetheless reflect what Quasimodo is thinking and when Quasimodo hits his lowest point before Esmeralda’s execution, he forcefully banishes them out of his head.

Even though the comic relief is handled poorly, I certainly cannot say the same for the villain. Judge Claude Frollo is easily one of the most evil villains in Disney history. Tony Jay’s vocal performance is just chillingly resonant, commanding your attention and making you subconsciously shrink in on yourself whenever he speaks. It makes for a despicable, cold, cruel man -- the antithesis of a father, the true embodiment of a monster. Frollo is often compared to Mother Gothel from Tangled in how they both lie to, control, and emotionally abuse their charges (Quasimodo and Rapunzel, respectively), but I personally find Frollo so much worse than Gothel, because he not only cuts Quasimodo off from everyone, but he indoctrinates a gentle, kind soul like Quasimodo in his racism and intolerance against those different from him -- including Quasimodo’s own people, the Romani. Mother Gothel hoards Rapunzel away like a dragon hoarding treasure -- Frollo treats Quasimodo like a burden, beating into him that no one else would want him and that Frollo was such a “good man” to take him in. It’s just vile.

And now we come to my single favorite Disney song of all time -- Quasimodo’s aria, Out There. From the time I was little, this song spoke to me like few others did. Growing up, I was an only child with a huge imagination surrounded almost entirely by adults and who had a lot of difficulty relating to kids my age. I often liked being on my own, but it didn’t change how I often felt different and detached from the people around me, and as I got older, that feeling only increased. I moved a lot in my childhood, making it difficult for me to plant roots, and I rarely followed trends or popular norms, so I constantly stayed in the fringes of the crowd, enviously looking on at those who could fit in more easily than I could. I always tried to hide my insecurities, but they were still there, and when those insecurities took hold, I would often imagine the world being a place where I could be myself, just like Quasi does. Quasimodo’s longing to be “part of them” and lamentation of people being “heedless of the gift it is to be them” has always resonated with me, and even though it’s hard for me to sing Out There without shifting octaves, my heart swells every time I hear it.

The Captain of the Guard, Phoebus, is easily the biggest liberty that Hunchback adaptations have made with the original novel. The book version of Phoebus was more like Gaston from Beauty and the Beast than how he’s portrayed here, but I frankly have no complaints. Kevin Kline is wonderfully dry and witty in the role -- he’s more than a match for Esmeralda, being brave, noble, and sarcastic with seemingly no prejudice for those different from him. And then yeah, as for Esmeralda herself...as Phoebus says later, “what a woman!” Esmeralda was one of my very favorite Disney heroines as a kid, and she still is. The character of Esmeralda is often rather saint-like in her incarnations, but here we see both the “angelic” and “demonic” sides of her -- she’s fiery, but kind; rebellious, yet noble; anti-authority, but patient; distrustful, yet loyal. In the musical adaptation, when Esmeralda is first revealed, we hear Frollo, Phoebus, and Quasimodo sing this about her --

Frollo: She dances like the Devil!

Phoebus: She dances like an angel --

Quasimodo: An angel!

Phoebus: -- but with such fire!

Frollo: Such fire!

All Three: Who is she?

This is Esmeralda’s characterization and her relationship to the three male main characters in a nutshell. Quasimodo only sees the best of Esmeralda; Frollo only sees the worst of her; and Phoebus sees her for everything she is...as a person. And this is why she ultimately chooses Phoebus, unlike in the book where she solely chooses Phoebus because of his looks.

When we reach the Palace of Justice, I’m reminded that I have yet to accent how absolutely stunning every single background is in this movie. Yes, the animation overall is wonderful, whether in the character animation or otherwise, but there are few Disney films that have more atmospheric and beautiful backgrounds than this. It serves to give the movie such a wonderful depth and makes the setting feel that much richer and deeper. Admittedly one weaker aspect of the animation is the now-slightly-outdated CG background characters. They were made by taking a handful of templates and then mixing up their clothes and colors, so as to multiply them ad infinitum and make the crowds of Paris look bigger and more colorful. Even with that, though, you do sort of have to look carefully at the background crowds to notice, as there are lots of hand-drawn characters sprinkled in in front of those CG models that help obscure their repetition and awkwardness. Those CG crowds also make the city of Paris look appropriately overcrowded and huge, so I’m glad that they used the technology even if it was still so in-progress at the time.

Even though Topsy Turvy starts off so fun and festive, however, it soon devolves into a terrible riot where Quasimodo is bound and tormented by the crowd. I admit, the transition is a little abrupt, but it still works for me, as people can be so easily swept away by mob mentality and those in power -- namely, Frollo’s guards -- sometimes flaunt their authority by putting down others. Fortunately Esmeralda is there to save Quasimodo and give Frollo a much-deserved verbal smackdown. The following scene, though, is another example of the mismatched tone, stretching out Esmeralda’s escape with a lot of comic “hijinks” that don’t really add anything to the film and kind of serve as a big time waster, especially after it abruptly cuts off and turns much more solemn and sad as Frollo silently confronts Quasimodo and Quasi returns to Notre Dame in shame.

Hunchback’s focus on religion is, in my opinion, one of the things that made producing an adaptation of Hugo’s novel such a bold decision. I’m not a religious person at all (Agnostic and proud), but it was still really meaningful to me to see both the good and bad associated with religion, represented by the Archdeacon and Frollo respectively. Frollo, along with Pharaoh Seti from The Prince of Egypt, taught me as a kid that evil is not always self-aware and, more importantly, how much more dangerous evil is when it garbs itself in godliness and righteousness. That’s a valuable lesson, regardless of your religious faith. God Help the Outcasts may invoke God’s name, but it could just as easily be a prayer to the world, or even just to you as an individual. The Christian faith preaches that we are made in God’s image...so when Esmeralda asks God to help her people, maybe she’s in truth asking you to try to be the loving God they need.

Something unique about Hunchback is the wonderful friendship that develops between Esmeralda and Quasimodo. From the time I was very little, I made friends with both boys and girls, so it was so wonderfully refreshing to see a story where a girl and a boy became such close friends and supported each other so much. Yes, admittedly, Quasimodo is romantically interested in Esmeralda, but when he sees how much she loves Phoebus, he both accepts their relationship and treasures Esmeralda’s friendship all the same. He doesn’t wallow in bitterness upon Esmeralda not choosing him; he loves her all the same as the first real friend he’s ever had. Esmeralda truly loves Quasimodo and treasures their friendship too -- her choosing Phoebus romantically is never framed as her teasing Quasimodo or leading him on; she simply loves Phoebus and Quasimodo in different ways. And that I find so unbelievably cool. I also like that in Esmeralda’s and Quasimodo’s conversation on the roof, there are some strains of the deleted song Someday in the instrumental accompanying the scene -- you can hear a R&B variation of Someday in the film’s credits, but originally it was meant to replace the more religious God Help the Outcasts, only for God Help the Outcasts to be chosen over it. I agree with the filmmakers’ decision, but I still like Someday too. Quasimodo’s helping Esmeralda and Djali escape Notre Dame by climbing down the towers also beautifully foreshadows Quasimodo’s dexterity in climbing down to save Esmeralda at the end of the film.

Quasimodo and Frollo are both enthralled with Esmeralda, but as mentioned previously, they each only see the angelic and demonic sides of her, which is best encapsulated by the dual numbers Heaven’s Light and Hellfire. Heaven’s Light is appropriately sweet and pure, but I can’t beat around the bush here: Hellfire steals the show, not just from Heaven’s Light but from all other villain songs in Disney history. The song starts with a choral chant praying for forgiveness, which then segways into Frollo’s demented, mad raving about his lust, fear, and hatred for Esmeralda. The words are almost terrifying in their level of conviction and paranoia, which then devolves into vindictive, destructive mania, framed by the mournful echoes for “mercy” from the choir.

Right after Hellfire, we get one of my favorite instrumentals on the soundtrack called Paris Burning. The choir’s bustling, dramatic cries trimmed by the tense strings and horns of the orchestra just evokes fear and horror as Frollo terrorizes Paris. Then Phoebus finally takes a stand, refusing to set fire to the miller’s house and then, after Frollo does it himself, leaping in to save the family from the flames. In the musical, this whole sequence is accompanied by the amazing musical number Esmeralda (which honestly, every fan of this movie should listen to, it’s really worth it), but the film handles it unbelievably well with only a short scene and an instrumental that sears the final “Kyrie Eleison” into the audience’s ears like a fire brand.

Sadly, after this amazing, epic sequence, we once again are subjected to tonal whiplash when we return to the bell tower and the gargoyles decide to sing Quasimodo a song to cheer him up. Although I maintain Hunchback has one of the best soundtracks ever recorded, what stops it from being flawless is this song. A Guy Like You is not an inherently bad song on its own, but when combined with the rest of the soundtrack, its melody, tone, and out-of-place pop cultural references are just ridiculously jarring. It’s like we’ve been transported into a completely different movie, one less inspired by a classic French novel and a critically acclaimed film about social justice and one more inspired by Disney hits of the day like Aladdin and later projects like Hercules. As sad as it is, it’s kind of a relief when it’s over and we’re brought back down to earth by Esmeralda carrying a close-to-death Phoebus into Quasimodo’s tower.

Frollo’s arrival after Quasimodo agrees to hide Phoebus is excellent in its suspense. We can sense Frollo’s suspicion, and all the while, we’re so worried for Phoebus hiding under the very table he and Quasimodo are sitting at. Then Frollo, who we’ve only ever seen as cold, conniving, and controlled, bursts into a rage the kind of which we’ve never seen before, and for a second, he’s a demon himself. After his rage is spent, he sets his cruelest, most terrible trap yet: using Quasimodo’s feelings for Esmeralda so that he can capture her and the rest of the Romani. And at first, Quasimodo almost doesn’t take the bait, thanks to a short-lived pang of self-pity. At first he’s bitter about his heart being broken and considers not helping Esmeralda, as there’d seemingly be no “reward” in him doing so...but the feeling is quelled in seconds by the memory of Esmeralda and how much her friendship means to him. Quasimodo’s selflessness and goodness wins out in its struggle with his more selfish instincts...and this, in the end, is what makes Quasimodo a hero in my eyes.

All right, I guess with our entrance into the Court of Miracles, I should address the elephant in the room. I’ve called Esmeralda’s people “the Romani” in this review, but throughout the entire film, the term is substituted for the admittedly-period-appropriate slur “Gypsy.” I knew nothing about the Romani culture when I first saw this film and I profess no intimate knowledge of it now, but even with that, I have to acknowledge that this movie doesn’t always showcase the Romani in the best light. Although Quasimodo’s parents, Esmeralda, and (to a degree) Clopin are given relative sympathy, the sequence in the Court of Miracles doesn’t do much to endear them to the audience. These victims of persecution are not really given the focus they deserve: we never learn much about their culture or about why they’re persecuted, and we don’t really get to see how they live their lives as ordinary people. To someone who doesn’t know anything about the Romani, I don’t think this film would be the best introduction to their culture and heritage.

Our climax is accompanied by the best instrumental track in the film, Sanctuary! Whenever I hear this piece, I have to stay completely silent, drinking in every single line and note, so as to properly absorb its brilliance. The track has accompanied a lot of my writing in the past: it’s always helped me when I was writing a powerful, emotional climax, whether through the emotion it wrought from me or just from wanting to write a new scene to the music. This entire sequence, from a musical, writing, animation, and character point of view, is I think what made Disney decide to make this film in the first place. The pacing -- the character animation of Quasimodo tearing down the pillars -- the drawn backgrounds of Notre Dame -- the camera whirling over the never-ending crowd’s heads and up onto the cathedral as Quasimodo hoists Esmeralda over his head -- this is the heart of why the movie was made and what the entire film was building up to. This resistance against injustice and the protection of our sacred, historical institutions from hatred and cruelty is what Hunchback is and should be all about. Occasionally this battle scene is inter-spliced with comic bits that once again aren’t really necessary and kind of stick out (Laverne’s Wizard of Oz reference and Hugo’s impression of a fighter plane in particular are out of place), but it doesn’t ruin anything for me. Fortunately as the climax grows darker with the arrival of Frollo and the transition from Sanctuary! into And He Shall Smite the Wicked, the gargoyles take a backseat, and we get focus where we should’ve always had it: on Quasimodo, Esmeralda, and Frollo. Thanks to his love for his friend Esmeralda and the realization of his own self-worth, Quasimodo finally stands up to Frollo and breaks free of his poisonous influence once and for all. This line of Quasi’s has always stuck with me --

“All my life you’ve taught me the world is a dark, cruel place...but now I see the only thing dark and cruel about it is people like you!”

Even now this line is just so powerful. There was a point where all I saw of the world was its cruelties and injustices...but like Quasimodo, I’ve come to see that those cruelties are not inherent to the world or even to mankind as a whole. Humans are capable of both great evil and great good, but as long as the evil people of the world are allowed to seize control and exert their toxic influence over everyone else, the world and mankind overall will never become better. Like Quasimodo, we must stand against those who’ve embraced cruelty and hatred over acceptance and love. We must protect the brighter parts of the world that evil so wishes to snuff out. It’s a moral I think has only become more relevant and important over time.

Unlike in the book and musical, Esmeralda survives, and as much as I’ve heard people try to argue Esmeralda living is not true to the spirit of the original novel, I think it really suits the story being told and really feels just for both characters. Quasimodo deserved happiness; Esmeralda deserved happiness; and most importantly, this all the more highlights how different Quasimodo is from Frollo. Frollo says to Esmeralda, “Choose me or the fire” -- basically, if he can’t have her, he doesn’t want anyone else to...but Quasimodo doesn’t think that way. He cherishes Esmeralda and her friendship without any caveats or conditions: therefore him losing Esmeralda, whether to Phoebus or to death, doesn’t prompt him to commit suicide like he did in the novel. It’s not only a more uplifting ending, but I think a lesson in the selflessness of love, even if it’s just platonic love. And because Esmeralda loves Quasimodo just as much as a friend, she leads him out into the sun, where he finds even more of the love he deserves from the city he wished so much to belong in. Quasimodo doesn’t get the girl, but that was never what he wanted in the first place: it was merely to be accepted as he was.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame was one of the most formative films of my childhood, right up there with Beauty and the Beast, The Prince of Egypt, and Anastasia, and it remains my second favorite Disney animated film of all time. With time, I’ve seen more and more of its flaws, but those flaws don’t ruin what in the end is one of the most daring, revolutionary projects Disney Animation has ever tackled. Its artistry, from the backgrounds to the character animation, is exceptional; all of its major human characters are multi-faceted, complex, and real; its themes are eternally relevant and powerful; and its score and nearly all of its songs are just through the stratosphere in their quality. Hunchback, along with Beauty and the Beast, made me fall in love with France from afar as a child, a love affair that has only become more and more intense through the years, and Quasimodo and Esmeralda even now are so close to my heart. I wish so much to be as kind and gentle as Quasimodo and as brave and noble as Esmeralda, and I can only hope that at some point, if I ever visit Disneyland Paris, I might finally meet them. The Hunchback of Notre Dame may not have gotten the appreciation it deserved when it first came to theaters, but I’ll always be happy to hear Disney fans remembering it as fondly as I do. Who knows? Maybe someday, the world will be wiser and will give this film its time in the sun at long last.

[amandajoyce118]

Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Part 2 Easter Eggs And References

I finally finished watching this set of episodes last week, and finally got to type out all of Easter eggs and references this weekend. There will, of course, be spoilers for the episodes here, but I have a feeling anyone interested in Easter eggs has probably already watched the episodes by now.

Enjoy!

Chapter 12: The Epiphany

The Spinning Clothes Change

Well, this is straight out of the Melissa Joan Hart era of Sabrina Spellman, isn’t it?

Sister Shirley Jackson

Shirley is one of the members of the coven. Shirley Jackson, however, isn’t a fictional character. That name belongs to the woman who wrote The Haunting Of Hill House, now adapted into its own Netflix series. Brother Lovecraft is also mentioned, which is probably a nod to HP Lovecraft.

Dorian’s Grayroom

If you don’t understand that Dorian here is the title character from Oscar Wilde’s Dorian Grey, I’m going to guess you haven’t had any classic lit in your English classes yet. You will, don’t worry.

Salome

The entertainment at Dorian’s is actually a woman straight out of the Bible. She’s also the subject of an Oscar Wilde play, so someone’s a Wilde fan.

“They go low, we go high.”

Roz is a Michelle Obama fan. Another reason to like her.

“The half-witch must not ascend…”

This word choice seems purposeful considering Sabrina is from the same showrunner as Riverdale where we have a bunch of kids running around Riverdale trying to “ascend” with the Gargoyle King.

Chapter 13: The Passion Of Sabrina Spellman

Bye Bye Birdie

It’s funny that Sabrina starred in the Baxter High version of this play since the actress also dealt with it quite a bit when she was in Mad Men. Cute nod.

The Play’s Color Palette

Did anyone else get a Baz Luhrmann Romeo and Juliet vibe from this play? Or was it just me?

Archie Comics At Cerberus’

Both the regular Archie comics as well as Afterlife with Archie can be glimpsed on shelves in the store.

Theo’s Locker

Theo’s high school story feels very Carrie at times. His locker being filled with feminine products is one of those times. Fittingly, Riverdale did Carrie: The Musical in an episode as well. So, you know the showrunner is a big fan.

Chapter 14: Lupercalia

So Many Archie Comics

Sometimes, it seems like that’s all the comic book store in town has. But it’s not, as we will see in the next episode.

Adam

So, there is a Dr. Masters in Archie Comics. The character here, and the character in the comics, don’t share the same first name though, which is likely purposeful since another Dr. Masters appeared on Riverdale as well. While his last name is likely a nod to the comics, his first name is likely a nod to the mythology of Lilith. The story goes that Lilith was created before Eve, that she was actually Adam’s first wife, before leaving the garden, thinking for herself, and also being branded as the world’s first demon, Lucifer’s first wife, or the world’s first witch, depending on the interpretation of the story. It’s fitting that Lilith gets a chance with another Adam.

Chapter 15: Doctor Cerberus’ House Of Horrors

Mrs. McGarvey

She’s played by science fiction actress Veronica Cartwright. She was in such classics as Alien, The Birds, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and The Witches of Eastwick. She also appeared in TV classics like The Twilight Zone and Alfred Hitchcock Presents.

Wonder Woman And Aquaman

The long shots of the comic book store reveal images of Wonder Woman and Aquaman on the shelving, so, now we know they sell something other than Archie comics.

Arkham

The DC universe gets another shoutout when Harvey has his reading. The school he supposedly gets into is the Arkham Colony of the Arts, a nod to the asylum for Batman’s many villains.

Howard

Interestingly, also during Harvey’s reading, his roommate Howard is a familiar face for Riverdale fans. The same actor plays Dr. Curdle Jr. on Riverdale. Now, we don’t know if Curdle’s first name is Howard or not, but it would be a nice nod to the double appearance of Ben Button on the show last season and on Riverdale. I’m curious if Greendale is like and alternate reality for the Riverdale universe at this point.

Chapter 16: Blackwood

Ray Wise

He plays the Antipope here. Ray Wise loves to play devilish characters. He’s frequently a bad guy. In fact, he already played the devil for the show Reaper. Who else was on Reaper? Aunt Hilda herself, Lucy Davis.

Chapter 17: The Missionaries

Sabrina On Her Bike

The music that plays and Salem accompanying her definitely reminded me of the Wicked Witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz, no?

Jerethiel

If anybody was paying attention to “Jerry” before the reveal that these witch hunters were angels, they would have noticed the name on his nametag. That suffix is a dead giveaway for his angelic roots. Also, cute that these angels are inspired by the Mormon religion, though I’m sure the Mormons don’t appreciate being depicted as the bad guys.

“God will forgive your original sin…”

This line confuses me since “original sin” was supposed to be eating from the tree of knowledge. Essentially, free will is original sin. But it doesn’t actually seem like that’s what the witch hunters are references, but rather just the sinful behavior of the witches in general. It’s an odd phrasing, so I threw it in here.

Sabrina The Savior

Not only does Sabrina get the crown of thorns, but she also gets pierced in the side, and holds a crucifixion pose to get things done. The imagery is clear.

Chapter 18: The Miracles Of Sabrina Spellman

(Side note: I love that Harvey made the Dark Phoenix comparison here. Anyone who has ever seen anything related to X-Men would have likely had the same thought. Sabrina not appreciating that Harvey compares her to a comic book when their entire lives are out of a comic book is also really amusing.)

Methuselah

His name is a reference to the longest living man in the Bible. But he’s played by the incomparable William B. Davis AKA the Smoking Man from the X-Files.

Chapter 19: The Mandrake

Sweetwater River

The ritual Sabrina is supposed to partake in involves making a golem and drowning your double at Sweetwater River. Sweetwater is the river that separates Greendale from Riverdale. It’s also where Jason Blossom was lost and Cheryl Blossom almost died - a set of twins, or doubles as it were. Nice symmetry.

The Ghost

The sheet thrown over Lilith’s new Adam before he tries to kill Sabrina is an homage to one of Michael Myers’ kills in Halloween.

Mandrake-Sabrina’s Scream

Okay, my first thought here was that it was a nod to the idea of mandrake roots looking like babies and how they were used in the Harry Potter series. (The Mandrake scream being fatal once mature.) But it also works as a nod to the screeching in Invasions of the Body Snatchers. We’ll call it a double egg.

Chapter 20 The Mephisto Waltz

The Episode Title

It’s taken from Mephisto, or Mephistopheles, a high ranking demon in German folklore. It’s also the name of a demon in Marvel comics, but that’s probably not related. It’s also the name for the devil in Faust, which makes another person with a name for the devil (Nick Scratch) becoming the literal embodiment of the devil rather poetic here.

“Ashes, ashes, he falls down dead…”

I like that the sisters decide to kill Blackwood using a spell to the tune of “Ring Around The Roses,” which was actually a song about a plague. Were they trying to give him a plague? Fitting.

“Not today, Satan.”

Glad to see modern pop culture makes its way into Greendale outside of horror movies and comic books.

The Archies

Sabrina still has her thermos for the fictional Archie comics band in her room. I’m sure there are tons of Easter eggs in her room if we could actually see everything. Just like Harvey still having Archie artwork on his walls.

Masquerade

The song is from Phantom of the Opera, in case anyone watching the show doesn’t love musical theater as much as the rest of us.

That’s it! That’s all I’ve got, though I’m sure I’ve missed some since I’m not as well versed in horror and probably didn’t catch all of the movie references.

[monkey-network]

‘Change Your Mind’ was a fun, messy anime hoot ‘n holler, I reckon. Is it my favorite episode of the season? Nah, that’s a different episode that I don’t wanna spoil. Is it the best episode of the arc? Nah, that’s still Escapism. But nevertheless, there is quite a lot to unpack that I wanted to express and if I did a play by play of this 44 minute special, we’d be here for several hours and nobody got time for that. And if I continuously jabber on about this in spaced out posts, I’d feel more like a SU Critical blog than I typically am and that’s pretty depressing. So, I’ve packed all my stray thoughts into one package to get it out the way. Spoilers ahead.

Small headscratch, but I question why it’s notably four episodes on the wikis but it’s essentially one episode and should count as one episode. Can’t really see one part without understanding everything else so I’m a bit confused. Then again, I’m not that encyclopedic on media production so it’s no big deal.

I liked Blue Diamond in the first part and this arc as a whole. In spite of who she generally is, Blue was a consistently good character in that her regret and more motherly nature never felt out of place compared what we’ve seen of her initially because her devastation over Pink’s “death” never felt superficial and the times when she got serious were eyebrow raising to me. And her turnaround in this felt reasonable compared to the others for she thought more of Pink/Steven beforehand and looked like she was more aware of how times have truly changed, even when the allusion to abusive families fall flat.... you know, if we were thinking realistic. Eh, Blue best Diamond, if that means anything.

I question why Yellow had what appears to be forced fusions or genuine crystal amalgamates if Diamonds were against fusion. I understand the ones on Earth, but why was she keeping them, probably for some time now, if she has no use of them? Again, maybe they’re born crystal amalgamates. It’s unclear.

I would say deep down I felt cheated that Lapis and Peridot are apparently cool now even when Lapis took everything in the divorce and did the reentering parallel to an Irish goodbye. But I guess dropping the barn counted as an act of apology, and maybe we’ll see them interact more in the future, so plbbt. At least they got to be badass and anime together while looking the part too.

In the back of mind, I forgot that Bismuth was in the episode sometimes. Beyond giving Connie her sword and raking up that star punch, I can’t say she added much to the story.

Speaking of which, wish the Diamond’s Pearls got to partake in kickassery of the sort. Homeworld was surprisingly empty in hindsight.

Loved Rainbow Quartz the 2nd. He’s beautiful and I would gladly get strong for him.

Only one thing bothered me about Sunstone, aside from the sunction cup summon. and it’s with their small arms. I thought those big arms were more for her shapeshifting since Garnet’s known to shapeshift her limbs to be enormous, but they’re always big so... what  value do Sunny’s little arms serve? Least with say, Smokey Quartz or Malachite, their multiple limbs added to their ability but Sunny’s two beefy arms carry most of the way. It’s like adding two dormant legs to the side of a grasshopper. And seriously, what was the point of the suction cups.

Though I love Monty Python reference they added in. That got a huge laugh outta me.

Obsidian was a spectacle, being the first genuinely naked human gem of the series, and the design reminded me a lot of Asura’s Wrath. Though one small detail I wish they had was where Obsidian’s fingers dug into the mech, leaving large dents on the ship, which would’ve hit home the struggle of getting to White as opposed to somehow being able to grip onto the mech’s more or less smooth surface.

Overall I’d say the part between the Diamonds reconciling and finally reaching White was hit or miss if we’re talking writing. Like sacrificing logical flow more for providing the fan service isn’t nothing new, but time could’ve been utilized more for more to go on.

I couldn’t take White as a serious threat anymore, she was just too cheeky and Ebersole sounded like she was really enjoying herself with voiced. I just hope somebody dubbed Glados over her sometime.

Couldn’t take the moment where Steven got his gem ripped out either cuz as hardcore as that was, adding a sound effect sort of killed the tension for me and I laughed my ass off. I’m sorry.

But as much as I loved the scene that was well animated by veteran 2D animator James Baxter, I especially loved the scene where after Pink Steven forms, he turns to White and says, “You should’ve gone for the head.” Snapped his fingers and destroys Homeworld to finally end everyone’s suffering. Like holy shit, that was the best scene in the entire series, hands down.

Plus I like the idea that Pink’s gem... actually fused with Greg’s sperm. *wheezes* I’m the worst

As much I like the idea of White Diamond, having been told off by a child, reforming her viewpoint, being a less coerce being and making the family whole again, the fact that she’s still a mass murdering, mass torturing, mass colonizing, authoritarian Orwellian style villain rubs me the wrong way with how much of a 180 things turned out to be. It’s like if the Beaudelaire siblings immediately forgave and thought Count Olaf was a great person all along after he did that one good thing and then died. But I guess if Steven held White under a small lens of contempt, then it wouldn’t be Steven Universe. What also makes this feel hallow is that.... when you think about it, all this amounted to was the Diamonds doing Steven a solid. They don’t really quit being dictators, they never really claim that Homeworld should change its way, or think White should step down as leader thanks to her perfectionism affecting HW harshly. They’re just nice rulers now... like Kuzco except not as cool. This plot honestly could’ve fallen apart if White Diamond was more reasonable while still maintaining her villainous perfectionism. She was kinda stupid in a way but eh, whatever. Like yeah, she’s shiny... but she’s not

Then again, imagine White Diamond’s current position.

Imagine the sense of losing your entire worldview, ideology, and sense of self to a being the size of your big toe. Imagine everything you’ve built up, potentially taking centuries or millenniums to uphold to sheer excellence, all crumble before you in a instant. How would it feel? To lose your purpose and have nothing to show for yourself beyond your now shrill existence and status regardless of your stature, because you feel that if you were to try again, history could repeat itself but 10x worse. That small being that conquered you, could do it again if tempted and what would you do? What else would you do if you have some semblance that it won’t work out perfectly as before? What else would you do if you’re now capable of fearing something with which you don’t and potentially will never understand? You honestly don’t have anything now, you’re nothing now. So what could work out for you besides smile, wave off your loss with integrity, and feel comfortable knowing that you live another day while understanding now that any day could potentially be your last, given what you know.

You feel me? It’s like that.

And I’ll say that while the Diamonds suddenly having a change of heart can seem off putting, the fact that Steven went through all that shit with his real family just to do so is reasonably sound. Can’t say a redemption arc in the making ain’t all bad if the protagonist didn’t put in work as well. And if Naruto can forgive Sasuke after they beated each other’s ass, I feel that this ain’t too different.

“Change Your Mind“ was a good song, better than the new Crystal Gem extension. A nice cap on the sprite cranberry of an episode.

So it seems like this episode marks the end of Steven Universe. Now it’s time for Steven Universe 2. Because if this wasn’t anime enough... we’re gonna be time skipping, babey. Reasonable enough, this episode messy here and there but I have one counterargument to this, given that this show is five fucking years old.....

I’d be a bitter asshole if I said I didn’t genuinely enjoy this, both initially and on the rewatch. It is an all around entertaining finale and I’m glad it embraced the weeb trashiness in itself like I always knew it would. Funny thing about all this is that we’re going into hiatus and I’m willing to bet that excluding the movie, we’re gonna have the same amount of premieres as last year. But I believe the hiatus won’t matter as much since they certainly gave people quite the show and I can’t help but applaud along.

Now if ya excuse me, I’m off to marathon Kirby Right Back at Ya, an anime I believe is better than SU all things considered. Have a wonderful day.

[zoetekohana]

I finally watched “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows” and I wrote down all my reactions:

Here it goes... COWABUNGA MY TURTLE DUDES.

Ooooh I love the use of ninja throwing stars for the Paramount stars.

I’m also digging the music.

TURTLE FORMATION

Omg, Mickey, no squirrel formation. (I don’t want to see those creepy squirrels from the 2012 series.)

Honestly, even though the plot of the 2014 film wasn’t great (hopefully this one will be better), they had the personalities down to a tee, and it’s great to see that’s still the case.

The way they depict the sibling relationship between Leo, Raph, Donnie and Mickey is so awesome to watch. Not to forget: the fact that they actually act like teenagers is such a plus.

Case in point: Donnie repeatedly telling Raph to “do it do it do it do it do it [the shellskateboarding thing]”. I love it.

Hahahaah, Kevin the pizza guy. Such a nice Kevin Eastmann cameo!

Donnie: “When I say Knicks you say Go.” I’m reminded of the failed “When I say Vol you say Tron.” speech. But at least the bros got it right.

Vern The Falcon? Oh no....

Hahaha, shooting the little spit balls at Vern and then mimicking his falcon. See, such teenagers.

APRIL IS CALLING DONNIE.

I REPEAT APRIL IS CALLING DONNIE.

Yes, I ship them. Shush.

Also, that blonde wig + glasses look really good on Megan Fox? 

Baxter Stockmann... He’d go with a FLY FORMATION.

Donnie to April: “Do you need us there?”  Awwww.

April to Donnie: “That birthday present that you made for me?” AWWW.

Yes, April, explain Baxter the difference between geek and nerd.

Omg, Baxter, that laugh.

Ofc there needs to be some Megan Fox fanservice... /eyeroll (She was pretty badass going undercover, but still that was unnecessary.)

HAHAHA I LOVE THE DONNIE SMILEY FACE ON HER WATCH WHEN THE DOWNLOAD OF THE FILES IS COMPLETE!

Oh no, the pizza slice on the basketball court....

Poor Mikey, he just want to “LIVE UP THERRRREEE. Up there where flowers bloom.” (And now I have that South Park song stuck in my head.) 

Also, a Transformers reference, really?

Wait;;; How are the copied files on April’s watch being deleted? She downloaded them? She wasn’t streaming them....

But good on her for discovering that Baxter is working with Shredder (where did that hunch come from though?) and that he + the Foot Clan plan on breaking him out when he’s being transferred.

Casey Jones as a law enforcer? That’s new? 

Ngl, I don’t really like that detail. It doesn’t suit him.

BEBOP AND ROCKSTEADY!!!!! :D

It’s not a Michael Bay production without car explosions. /eyeroll (again)

Also, NYC believes that Vern stopped the Shredder. Why didn’t the NY police ask him to accompany this super important transfer?

Hahaha, that tmnt theme’d honk. I LOVE.

Great updates on the Turtle Shell, Donnie.

Raph when taking out the last of three foot bikers: “That’s how I roll. That’s how you roll.”

Why didn’t Raph stay on the bike? He could cover more ground that way.

Soooo, Baxter knows of the Turtles. 

I love how personalised the Turtle Shell is.

Hi there, Krang! 

So, lemme get this straight: Krang needs the three teleport devices he sent to Earth to join them into an arch capacitor to teleport the Technodrome to Earth to conquer it. But he was able to teleport Shredder to where he was. Something does not add up there... 

So many plotholes.

But whatever, I’m still enjoying this. :) 

Donnie and April make such a great team.

But how is she going to get to the TCRI’s mainframe? (Also, how is she going undercover everywhere? Isn’t she recognised as a television reporter?)

Chief: “Manhole covers?”

That was some nice exposition on Jones wanting to become a detective. Like really? It was so odd to tell your superior who’s clearly mad at you that.

The casting for Bebop and Rocksteady is so spot on.

It’s still weird not to have the Shredder vs Splinter backstory. It feels like Splinter is just there now? He’s more important than that. :(

Is that barkeep the Vulture from b99? 

Quickly looked it up, yep, that’s Dean Winters. :D

It’s not a Turtles movie without some Vanilla Ice. ;)

Reporter thing aside... Why go on this important undercover mission on high heels? Everyone can hear you. That’s not stealthy there, April. 

I get that the purple ooze is different (iirc from the 1987 series) - although I’m not a fan of a different kind of mutagen -, but why not mention the green ooze? They have the green mutagen from the previous film that mutated the Turtles and Splinter? Or am I completely remembering the 2014 film wrong?

Also, how did Shredder shoot two darts into two different directions? 

Yes, that gun has two barrels, but he shot both darts practically at the same time?

Also, how are they mutating into a warthog and a rhinoceros without the DNA from those animals? 

The way they transformed, that sequence, was pretty cool, though.

Hmm, so we all have a dormant animal gen. It’s an explanation for not needing the animal DNA, I guess.

YES TO HBIC APRIL O’NEIL!

So Casey wants to be a detective, but then suits up as the Hockey Vigilante we know and love. That really doesn’t make much sense.

April to Casey: “Stacey Moans?”

Stacey’s mom has got it going on.... And now I’ve got that song stuck in my head, haha.

Amell physically makes a good Casey Jones. But I’m sorry to say, he’s so stiff and mainly has two faces: this :| or this :D. I’m not a big fan of this casting. I’m okay with it, but idk.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And Koteas is forever my favourite Casey Jones. 

Casey to the turtles: “Do not eat us humans.” Are we really going with that joke?

I love Mickey’s introduction of the Turtles to Casey. :D

DONNIE’S POSE . <3

Haha, Mikey and Raph keeping Casey out of the huddle.

Leo about Casey: “Raph, grab Friday the 13th.” Great reference.

Casey: “And have the most pretentious names ever.” 

”Is it me you’re looking for?” ♫ Omg, Splinter listening to pop ballads. I love. xD

Of course Donnie could turn the ooze so they could become humans.

Don’t keep secrets from your brothers, Leo. 

Awww, Mickey. The one who wants to be among humans the most. :(

A Turtle Christmas album?? I WANT!

Leo: “There’s only one vote that counts in this family: Mine!” Harsh, bro.

Awww, ofc Donnie loves museums. :)

Casey to Vern: “See you there.” Mikey to Vern: “See you there.” Vern: “He already said that.” That made me laugh more than it should have.

I love how Leo and Donnie are riding the subway like that.

They’re not monsters. :’(

I want to give Mickey a big hug.

Leo to Splinter: “I can’t get them all on the same page, to think with one mind.” Splinter to Leo: “You shouldn’t want them all to think the same. It’s their different points-of-view that makes the team strong. A good leader understands this. A good brother accepts it.” I love this. 

Seriously, the personalities and the interactions are so on point.

Where did Beebs and Rock get a tank???

So many fistbumps in this film, omg.

I forgot to mention this before, but I like that Donnie isn’t as muscle-y as the others. I do like these different personal designs.

Also, Donnie easily jumping to go to the other plane. That was great.

Raph: “What would Vin Diesel do? No regrets, no fear.” Hahahaha.

Whoa, really, shooting from a tank inside a plan? “Dude seriously” is the right reaction.

Also, how is Donnie able to stay inside that open cockpit??? 

Lbr, Donnie is the mvp in this film.

“THIS PIG IS FLYING!” Hahahahahaha.

Raph seeing that turtle. A reference to Spike, maybe? :D

Okay, that entire river sequence was AWESOME!!! 

I wouldn’t change one things about it: from seeing the turtles swim under water, to Raph saving Donnie from the tank missile, to the four of them hiding in their shell (along with that “ploemp” sound effect) when going down the water fall.

Leo (sarcastically): “Thanks, guys. Real time effort.” Wow, way to be a dick there. :/

”Justice comes in all shapes and sizes.” That explains Casey Jones suiting up in his hockey vigilante get-up, I guess. But idk, that little plot could have been written better.

Come on, Vern, you can step up. :)

Oh no, Vern missing the obvious there with the location of the data storage of that hidden camera. hashtag relatable

Leo: “We may be brothers, but we’re not a team.”  That hurts....

But that portal technically isn’t your science, Baxter, it’s Krang’s. The names you mentioned might become footnotes, but so would you.

Donnie gathered all that information rather quickly? Unbelievable quickly?

But again, he’s the mvp!

I love that old video console on Donnie’s wrist.

They’re turtles forever. :)

I really thought Shredder was going to say that Baxter would always the same, aka “a fly on the wall” instead of “a footnote”.

Vern: “When something bad happens, you want to be with the turtles.” That is true.

Haha, oh u Shredder. You betrayed Baxter to have all the glory, but you didn’t consider Krang would betray you?

KRANG DOESN’T SHARE FOOD.

Oh, I noticed that Triceration next to Shredder! :D

Wow, Jade spoke for once. :o

I like the way the police protected the Turtles from being seen by the public.

Raph: “SURF’S UP, NY!”

Again with the heels, O’Neil?

I love that shot with the four turtles standing on the edge of the almost finished Technodrome.

Mikey calling Krang “a chewed up piece of gum” and then Leo continuing with “Bubblicious”, haha.

Mickey: “I’m vertical.”

Mickey is the second mvp this film.

I really really love that Donnie and Mickey get most screentime this film.

Great how Casey tricked Beebs and Rock like that. :)

TEAM EFFORT, BB!

Leo: “We got something nobody else has.” Leo, Donnie and Mickey: “Turtle power!” while Raph: “Garbage truck!” Hahahaha.

But seriously: TURTLE POWER!

Finally, April being a reporter again.

Chief to the turtles: “Last name?”  Hamato immediately came to mind, tbh.

Some Capril flirting. ;)

HEROES IN A HALF SHELL! ♫

I love the comic style in the end credits. 

But see: Splinter’s actor isn’t even mentioned in the special part of the end credits. He deserves better and more.

All in all, despite its flaws (too many expositions or Krang being the main villain with hardly any screentime f.e.), I really enjoyed watching this. It’s so much better than the 2014 one. 

(I do hope for actual one on one friendship between Donnie and Mickey next time, though. I love the turtles most together, but separate friendships I love them the most.) (And on that note: Where was my Raph&Casey romance friendship?)

[gudlyf]

Confirmation [Short Story]

[Edited original photo by Elviss Bitans]

I will never forget the sound Evil made when it died in the Baxter’s house one night in the fall of 1982.

—

The basement of the rectory of St. Ambrose had that smell. The one that appears to be common amongst cellars of houses of the Lord. Of decades-old candle wax and spent wicks, mold-imbued books. Of rotted flowers and palm reeds. That smell. I’d once thought it unique to our chosen parish at the time. It’s not. And any time I happened upon it in some other basement, sometimes in another church, I’d be reminded of CCD.

Some people call it Catechism. I suppose it could have been called Sunday School, except in our town it was held on Tuesday nights. Tuesday School? Not the same ring to it, I’d say. So, CCD. Sounds like some kind of mental condition, now that I think of it. Apropos, if you don’t mind me saying so.

Needless to say, I did not look forward to Tuesday nights.

The last year of CCD for me was centered around preparing for Confirmation. I won’t get into the details of that for you non-Catholics, and to be quite honest I can’t remember what to tell you about it anyway. I suppose it was to “confirm” one’s faith in God and the church. Confirm beliefs. Confirm that you bought the whole damn thing. One of “them.” One of the flock. For me it served only as confirmation that, following that fall, my Tuesday nights henceforth would carry with it only the aroma of glorious, sweet freedom. Thank you God, Hallelujah, Rama-Lama-Ding-Dong, Amen.

Father Jacobs, the presiding priest at the time, did not conduct CCD at St. Ambrose. The old guy would show up from time to time, sure, when he wasn’t busy doing God-knows-what on a Tuesday evening. Probably better off pulling numbered letters out of a bingo cage, really. But for the most part it was just us ten kids and Mr. Baxter.

Of all the teachers I had for CCD throughout the years, Mr. Baxter won the prize for being, shall we say, the most devout. This includes the likes of Sister Estelle, a decrepit, miserable thing harkening from the days of when my own mother attended Catholic school in a neighboring town. No lie, Sister Estelle — or Sister Est-Hell, as we called her — carried a yard stick along her back like a rifle on a cattle rancher. I’ve learned since then that it served more as a bullshit deterrent than anything else. God save the poor soul warranting its unsheathing. Thankfully, I never bore witness to it.

Warren Baxter’s boys, Mark and Jason, attended this particular CCD class along with me and seven others our age. They were homeschooled, so I can’t say any of us knew much about them beyond the walls of that basement, and that the poor bastards had their dad as a teacher. Not just Tuesday nights, but every fucking day. Mr. Baxter sorta reminded me of Christopher Cross. Y’know, “Sailing” and “Ride Like the Wind”? Not to mention he carried a beaten acoustic guitar with him anytime I saw him. He certainly wasn’t an old guy, but he sure had what I guess you could say was an old way of thinking when it came to the education of religion. He had a habit of taking it upon himself to detour from the illustrated Jesus textbooks and remind us of all the things that could make up a mortal sin. You might think that means killing, stealing, raping — that sort of thing. No. He’d remind us weekly that masturbating was a mortal sin that was a sure ticket to Hell. Even thinking about jerking off. It was like you might as well give Satan himself a handy, because, son, it’s just like knocking on his door with that hand.

I guess Mrs. Baxter was a sure help of keeping her husband Heaven-worthy, at least before their divorce.

Mr. Baxter was a parishioner at the church, but he also sang and played guitar at Sunday mass. Considering the limited source material, he wasn't half bad. I’d been taking guitar lessons at the time and knew he wasn’t just some two-bit hack. He played for us a couple of nights at class, which was a welcome reprieve from mundane bible verse analysis, even if it wasn’t exactly Clapton we were listening to. The man dug music; no question of that. And on the second-to-last class of the year, he took it to a new level.

The record player sat in the center of the largest table. Not an odd sight, really. We’d listened to hymns and such before, and even been forced to — dear God — sing along to them. But there was something very different about it this time. Something special. When my eyes caught it, I couldn’t restrain myself.

“Zeppelin!”

Paul Morley, my best friend at the time, saw it too. Led Zeppelin IV, its unmistakable album cover featuring that painting of an old man lugging a bundle of sticks, sat among a few recognizable others. AC/DC’s Highway to Hell. Queen’s The Game. Classics today — purely defining, then. A few kids started in with “Stairway to Heaven” before Mr. Baxter shut them down.

“And she’s buy-uy-ing a-”

“Sit down, everyone. Yes, I’m going to play some of these — just a little. But then I have an important story for you.”

He slipped Led Zeppelin IV out of its sleeve and placed it onto the turntable. Man, I thought, this is gonna be great. I prepared myself for the sweet sounds of Robert Plant, belting out his “Hey hey, mama,” rolling into Jimmy Page on the ax and Bonham on skins. It was already playing in my head.

Instead, we got something else entirely.

Mr. Baxter turned on the player and moved the needle up a bit onto the platter. He put it down a few times, giving us a little tease here and there of what we could have — should have — been listening to in entirety. He finally got to ‘Stairway to Heaven’ and let it play. Sweet release.

About midway through the song, he turned the player off. What is this, another lesson about not beating off? I thought. To 14-year-old me, it may as well have been.

“Now, listen to this.”

We all knew what was going to happen. Playing “Stairway” backwards wasn’t new. And then it all became painfully clear. Zeppelin. AC/DC. Queen? I hadn’t heard about that one yet. But most of us knew of the supposed hidden messages within the latter two, and now Mr. Baxter was going to play them. Here. In the basement of a church.

He spun the record counter-clockwise, slowly, by hand. Eventually he got to the money shot, where Plant’s voice seems to sing out the words “my sweet Satan,” along with some other things that don’t sound so Heavenly when you over-analyze the shit out of them.

But for the playing record, the room was silent. I don’t think we quite knew what to make of it. Mr. Baxter — a guy who’d preached that the simple pleasures of alone time in a long, hot shower was sinful — was playing verses about the Devil. In the Lord’s house! What was next, a Ouija board?

Once he was through with Zeppelin, he went onto Highway to Hell. The album cover alone should have burst into flames the moment it entered the parking lot, but he played it just the same. For a few minutes, singer Bon Scott became Scott Bon. Or maybe it’s Ttocs Nob. You’re supposed to hear something like “my name is Lucifer” somewhere in that backmasked garbage, but all I heard was blasphemy to some wholesome, British-borne rock and roll.

Queen was an interesting one. Played backwards, the lyrics “another one bites the dust” becomes “it’s fun to smoke marijuana.” Oh great, so now that’s evil too? My older brother’s days were numbered.

Mr. Baxter let the chuckles and high-fives among us slide and stopped the turntable.

“Alright. Why did I play these for you tonight?”

I dunno, to thank Jesus these classes are almost over, I thought.

Paula Spencer spoke up. “Because they talk about the Devil…?”

“Not exactly.”

We all looked at each other, clueless. That wasn’t it? Besides Freddie Mercury soloing in reverse about weed, what else was there? And I was sure as shit stinks that Baxter had his fair share of ganja in his days. Hell, at that moment, I was thinking he’d smoked a bowl before class.

“A couple of reasons. First, it’s to make you aware. The things your generation is listening to — on the radio, on records, and tapes — are deceiving you into falling out of love with God.”

“But on the radio, it’s not backwards,” Paul said.

“I don’t even have a record player,” said someone else.

Mr. Baxter shook his head, in that these-clueless-kids sort of way.

“It’s doesn’t matter. You heard it for yourself. It’s still there. And the Devil — he hid it there.”

We learned years ago: you don’t groan at a teacher in CCD. But the restraint in the room was palpable.

“So … Robert Plant … is Satan?” I asked.

“No. He’s just one of many instruments.”

“Like a guitar?” Randal asked. Now that let loose a volley.

“Alright, quiet down. Not like that, no, Randal. I mean they serve the anti-Christ. Though they may not know it. But, because we can play this … music this way, the Devil’s tricks are revealed. And they are in all of the music you’re listening to. All the rock and roll, all the heavy metal. It’s there, and he is trying to use it to deceive you into falling out of grace with God.”

“So … what are we supposed to do?” I asked.

“Stop listening to it. Forwards. Backwards. On the radio, or at home. These are all the new instruments of Evil. And you should shun them just as you would any other mortal sin you’ve learned about in this class. You’ll think you have control over what you believe until it’s too late, and you stop coming to mass. You stop loving Jesus and God and everything else that will bring you to everlasting life in Heaven.”

Well, I was going to Hell. Before he’d finished his bummer of a diatribe, I’d started to think that if everlasting life in Satan’s parlor meant a lot more Zeppelin, Rush, and everything that was candy to my ears, I might just be okay with that.

“The second reason I played these for you — and this is very, very important. You listening?”

Most of us nodded.

“Never — and I mean never — do this on your own. I know it’s tempting — a fun trick to show your friends. But do not do it. I played this here, because we’re safe in God’s house. But at home, or anywhere else, you are not. And the Devil does not like when his tricks are revealed. And he will let you know.”

“How?” Paul asked.

Mr. Baxter pulled out a chair, sat down and leaned in. “I’ll tell you how. Because it happened to me. Mark and Jason can tell you — they were there.”

All eyes were on the two Baxter kids. Their eyes told us that either they were mortified or terrified. After what their father had to say, I’d go with the latter.

“A night a few months ago, Mark was playing one of these records in the cellar at home. I told him what I told you, many times before — none of that music. The work of the Devil. Sins against God. But he couldn't help himself. That’s how it works: You let him in, and he won’t let go.

“So I decided to show him what was hidden in those songs. I did the same thing I did here tonight. I stopped the record, and slowly I began to play it in reverse. And those same, hidden messages were revealed.

“And then … he walked right through the room.”

“Who?” someone asked.

“The Devil,” Jason whispered. In the ensuing silence, you could hear a guitar pick drop.

Mr. Baxter nodded. “He did. A dark figure. Dressed in the darkest cloak I'd ever seen, he passed into the room. No face, just nothingness. Tears were streaming down our faces. We couldn’t move. He glided closer to us, and we still could not move. He stopped just ten feet away from us, and he pointed, right at me. And in a voice I’ll never, ever forget he said …”

He let the sentence hang in the air. This was some real campfire-story shit, and I’m betting I wasn’t alone in hankering for some roast marshmallows right about then. What a showman.

“… ‘No’.”

No? That was it? Not “come with me, you’re going to hell” or “turn it up, man?” I say that now, but to be quite honest with you, I was shitting bricks.

I’d been taught for years every manner of how the grip of evil might drag me down into a fiery pit of doom. You bet your ass I was saying the rosary every night and had a small shrine to Virgin Mary in the corner of my bedroom. Now I was learning that this Satan fella came in a physical form like the Grim-fucking-Reaper if you pissed him off.

I glanced over at the Baxter kids. My look said “this shit real?” Their look was “this shit real.” That did it. After an extra lap around the beads before bed that night, sleeplessness would be unavoidable.

—

The following Sunday morning, I was once again packed hip-to-hip between my mother and brother within our usual pew at St. Ambrose. The usual congregation was there, including Mr. Baxter on guitar, and front-man Father Jacobs. Paul, a four-years-running altar boy, was on the bells with Mark Baxter.

I hadn’t forgotten the story Mr. Baxter told earlier that week. How could he just continue on like that, seeing what he saw? Or worse, what load of horse shit he fed to a mess of God-fearing — and now, for certain, Devil-fearing — kids? I wasn’t sure what was worse: That he went so far as to convince his own boys to play along so convincingly, or that they actually did see something that night.

Paul caught up with me in the parking lot, as the adults meandered around shaking hands with one another and secretly hoping they’d get home in time for football.

“What’s up?”

I shrugged. I had nothing.

“Hey, I talked to Mark earlier. About what his dad said.”

“What, about masturbating?”

He pushed me. Hard. I guess I deserved it.

“That Devil shit.”

“Paul! We’re still at church!” Paul’s mother hissed from somewhere in the crowd. That woman could hear a hummingbird fart in a bison stampede.

“It’s the parking lot, Mom! God, relax.”

If I’d talked to either of my parents the way Paul did, all the prayers in the world wouldn’t protect be from the sure evil that would ensue. The Devil would walk right in and applaud. But Paul’s exposure to the dictionary from Hell came from none other than his own mother’s mouth, and with certain regularity. I became fluent in the language by the time I was eight, from weekly summer sleepovers at the Morley house.

“He still swears it’s true.”

“You make him swear to God?”

Paul laughed. “No. But he’s not changing his story. Said a big person in a cloak sorta floated into the room, and then back out again.”

“What did he sound like?”

“I dunno. I didn’t ask him. Probably like ‘STOP THAT SHIT NOW!’”

His impression sounded more like Froggy from The Little Rascals than some dark being from the netherworld. Come to think of it, that would be pretty terrifying. Would someone please get that poor boy a cough drop, for God’s sake?

“Paul!”

“Sorry, Ma. I tried it, y’know. The record thing. Nothing happened. It’s a bunch of buuuuull shit.”

“Well, duh, yeah. You thought it was real? Creepy story, but no way is that gonna really happen. He was just trying to scare us. Don’t you think we’d hear of it happening to someone else already? I did it at my cousin’s house a few months ago.”

“What happened?”

I gave him a look that told him that his stupid question was going forever unanswered.

Paul pointed to the parking lot behind me. “Look, there he is.”

Mark Baxter was still clothed in his altar-boy whites, carrying his father’s guitar case to their station wagon. Paul gave me a nudge and started in his direction.

“Hey. Mark.”

Mark was a quiet kid, but not shy. More of a rebellious sort, I guess you could say. If he’d been in traditional school like the rest of us, no doubt he’d be one of the “cool kids” who took no shit from anyone and gave a pile of it to the teachers. There were few occasions you’d see him without bruises or a black eye, a sure sign he hadn’t backed down from trouble. It was that attitude that made the story he was holding onto so compelling.

“What’s up? Hey Keith.”

I held up a hand in greeting.

“Swear to God that story is true,” Paul said. The equivalent of a religious double-dog dare.

Mark shut the rear door and leaned against it.

“I’m not doing that. You know I won’t do that.”

“So it’s a bunch of buuuuull-”

“I don’t care if you won’t take my word for it. It’s what I saw.”

“How come it never happened to Keith? He said he did it at his cousin’s house, and nobody creepy came drifting through the room. Except maybe his Aunt Helen. Sorry Keith, she’s, like, a witch or something.”

Mark shrugged. “I guess you’re lucky. Maybe it’s the house.”

Paul seemed to back down at that. Then the wheels started to turn.

“Let’s do a sleep-over, then,” he said.

“A … sleep-over? What are we, ten?”

“Well then just have us over at night. Your dad’s got the records already. We just play them in the same room, on the same record player. If the Devil doesn’t show up, then it’s a bunch of crap.”

Mark’s cool demeanor warmed at that. “My father really doesn’t like people over. And it’s not a bunch of crap.”

“I wanna see for myself. So do you, right, Keith?”

I did my best to hide my real answer to that one. Instead, Mark did the honors.

“No. You don’t. And I don’t either.”

“Psssh. B.S. Whatever.”

Paul turned and walked away. I gave another silent wave to Mark before taking off as well.

—

I was only just getting ready for bed when something rapped against my bedroom window. It was early, but it was a school night, and I knew just who it was.

I opened the window to Paul’s shit-eating grin.

“Let’s go.”

“Now? Where? It’s a school night, man.”

“Baxter’s.”

“What, Mark wants us over? I thought his dad wouldn’t let us.”

“We’re just gonna go visit. Come on.”

I shut the window in his face. Paul kept right on talking.

“If you don’t come out now, I’ll go knock on your parents’ window and tell them you called me over.”

I flung the window back open.

“No you wouldn’t. And they’re not even in bed anyway.”

“Fine, then I’ll go knock on the door.”

He wasn’t bluffing. He’d done this to me before, and my folks fell for his Eddie Haskell routine every single time, hook line and sinker. As usual, Paul was going to get his way. I, as usual, was not.

—

The Baxter house was walking-distance away, but since Paul had his bike with him, I took mine as well. There’s something about walking while someone rides circles around you that feels a bit degrading.

We threw our bikes onto the Baxter’s lawn. I headed for the front door, but Paul started around the back.

“Where are you going?” I said.

“Mark’s window.”

“Jesus Christ! He doesn’t know we’re coming?”

“Nah. You heard him. He wasn’t gonna have us over. So we’ll just come over.”

I really should have made for my bike and headed back home. I started to weigh the punishment I’d get from my parents due to Paul’s threats against Mr. Baxter’s wrath, should we knock on the wrong window. Once I got home, Paul would make good on what he said, I’d be grounded for a week — and more — and the process would repeat until he got his way. I thought it better to see it through and put an end to Paul’s obsession right then.

None of the shades were drawn in the Baxter’s single-story ranch, and we found Mark hanging out in one of the rooms alone with its door shut. The lights were on and he was laying in bed, sort of huddled in a ball, back to the window. He was still clothed and clearly not sleeping. I tried to convince Paul otherwise.

“He’s sleeping. Let’s go.”

Paul ignored me and gave the window a knock.

Mark sprang up from the bed and turned to the door.

“I- I’m just praying, Dad. I promise.”

Paul knocked again. Mark stiffened, snapped around, and was greeted by Paul’s smart-assed wave. My look said, “I know. I’m sorry. What can ya do, it’s Paul.”

The window unlocked and opened.

“What are you doing here?”

Mark licked at a cut below his lip, and his face was sunburn-red. Always meeting trouble.

“Man. Who’d you fight this time? Did you finally fight Felix?”

“Maybe I’ll fight you for coming here knocking on my window. What do you want?”

“Play us the records.”

“Go play them yourself.”

“We wanna see what you saw. Come on.”

“You really don’t.”

“Just let us in. If you don’t, I’ll just go knock on the door and tell your dad you called us over.”

Right from the Morley playbook.

“No! Just … Fine. Meet me at the back by the bulkhead.”

Mark lowered the window. Paul was already on his way to the back of the house, but I watched Mark push his bedroom door open carefully, looking around before edging himself into the hallway, and pushed the door shut without a sound.

The bulkhead was a rusty, two-door entryway set into the house’s foundation. A few minutes passed before the inside latch was screeched open like a prison lock, and one of its doors creaked open. I could barely make out a person standing in the dark. I sure as Hell hoped it was Mark. Paul nudged me ahead of him. Either his night sight was better than mine and he was sure of who it was, or he just as blind and I was his shield.

“Get in,” Mark whispered.

The bulkhead led into concrete-floored basement, pitch black but for a crack of faint light from beneath a closed door. The smell of mildew and machine oil was unmistakably workshop-ian. I confirmed this when I bumped into what I figured was a long workbench. A few tools clattered onto wood and clanged against the floor.

“Shhh! My dad’s room is right above here.”

“Where’s Jason?” I asked.

“He’s staying with my mom.”

Mark opened the door into a finished part of the basement. All was dark but for a single lamp on an end table against a torn couch. Grey berber carpeting covered the floor from wall-to-wall, stained in the corners with water damage. French drains were always an afterthought back then, and not one easily or cheaply rectified. An old pool table took up the place of honor, consuming most of the room. Against one wall a Radio-Shack-brand Realistic stereo. Of course, it had a turntable.

Mark shut the door behind us as quietly as he had his bedroom door.

“We’re under the living room here. We should be okay.”

Paul already had the turntable cover off and was flipping through the sleeved albums stacked vertically beneath it.

“Which one did you play when you saw that thing?”

Mark hurried over and pushed Paul aside.

“Get out of there! My dad has them all organized. He’ll kill me if we mess it up.”

Marked pulled an album from the shelf and looked at its cover. Admiring it? Fearing it? One couldn’t tell.

“This one.”

“In this room, right?” Paul asked.

Mark nodded.

“Where did he come from?”

Mark pointed to an opening without a door. “The laundry room.”

“At my house, that’s where my dad keeps his booze,” I said.

“Are you sure it wasn’t just your mom?” Paul said.

“What? No! My parents are divorced, stupid.”

“So maybe it was your mom.”

Mark said nothing, but the seething in his posture was palpable. At that moment, I felt sorry for both of them.

Mark eased the platter out from the sleeve and placed it on the turntable, then turned the receiver on. He grabbed the needle and halted before placing it down.

“I don’t think you want me to play this backwards. It ruins the record, anyway.”

“No, we want you to play disco so we can dance,” Paul said. “Just play it. I want to see the Devil you said you saw.”

I finally spoke up. “But what if-”

“But what if what?” Paul snapped. “We see him and he tells us ‘no’ again? So what. Then we know and we won’t do it again.”

Mark looked back at us both, then placed the needle down. He seemed to know just where it had to go.

“This can play the record backwards on its own. I don’t need to do it by hand.”

He flipped a lever on the turntable and stepped far away, eyes not leaving that laundry room door. At first, seconds of silence, but for the popping and crackle of worn vinyl, then the speakers came to life. Sure enough, the words of Robert Plant from Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven” began to blast in reverse. I was caught off-guard at how loud it was, on account of Mark’s fear of alerting his father to the goings on. It caught Mark by surprise as well.

“Shit!”

Mark stumbled to the stereo. Someone stood in the doorway to the dark laundry room.

Mark froze. We all did. Satan had come. And then he spoke.

“What did I tell you.”

We said nothing. I felt the urge to run, but my legs were no better than bowling balls on Twizzler sticks. Paul backed up and was stopped short by the pool table. The record kept on playing.

“What. Did. I. Tell. You!”

Mark spoke. “N- No?”

“No! Nobody over! Nobody!”

Mr. Baxter stepped into the room. He was seething. He was nothing like I’d seen him before. And he was clearly loaded.

“And are you … are you playing that again?! After what happened last time?!”

“Dad? I … I’m sorry. They just showed up. I didn’t know-”

“Shut up! You two, get out of here the way you came!”

Through this all, the record continued to play, but all I could hear was Mr. Baxter’s rage.

“And you! Get over here!”

Paul and I turned tail and blasted through the door into the workshop. Paul shut the door behind him.

“Holy shit! His dad is … he’s crazy! Let’s get the hell outta here!”

For once I was willing to following Paul’s lead. As the bulkhead lock slid open, I heard Mr. Baxter’s anger turn up to eleven, while Robert Plant carried on.

“How many lessons do I need to teach you, Mark?! Another one?! And another?! I guess it’s time for one more! Come here!”

Mark started to cry. “No, Dad. Please.”

I couldn’t move. I knew that plea all too well. To leave, or stand idly by, knowing what was sure to come next, would be as damaging as what that bastard was about to do.

“What are you doing? Let’s go!” Paul said, and then flew out into the yard.

I turned and opened the basement door. Mr. Baxter had Mark pinned against the wall by the stereo, his arm cocked back with a fist. The record skipped. I’d say it was comically timed to my entrance, but the situation was anything but.

I’ve carried on a lot about how strange Mr. Baxter was. How he seemed to thrive on using the fear of damnation as a demented teaching tool, to kids who had been taught throughout their lives that Hell was no place to wind up. Throughout lessons failing in everything but illustrating the absurdity of it all, he had been kind. He had been patient and good. A seemingly willing volunteer to God. In that moment, the fog had lifted. Like with the ridiculous things he preached, he had fully veiled the truth of himself.

Mr. Baxter’s head snapped in my direction.

“I thought I told you to-”

My mouth opened, but nothing came out. My breath caught in my chest. My eyes were no longer looking at Mr. Baxter or Mark. The anger that had blazing within them turned to absolute terror, trained on the open laundry room door.

The being floated into the room.

Mr. Baxter dropped his arm and flattened himself against the wall next to his son. The record played on.

Tattered dark brown robes draped over what was mostly human-shaped, drifting about it within a nonexistent wind. Swirls of debris and filth floated within the gaps of the cloth. Though they could have been flies, as the sounds of Led Zeppelin seemed drowned out by a skittering, hissing sound that bordered on radio static. There was no face, no real body parts at all. Just a thing. I would say it stood about seven feet tall, but that wouldn’t be quite accurate. Because the best I could tell, it was floating. The thing drifted closer to the Baxters. Mark continued to cry. Mr. Baxter looked as though he might start. Neither one said a word.

A long piece of the thing’s robe lifted, as though carried by an arm that wasn’t there, pointing, at the abusive wretch against the wall. It spoke.

“NO.”

Mr. Baxter broke down and slid to the floor. His mouth moved the words of “Our Father,” though I couldn’t hear him over the hissing, the music, and the throbbing in my head.

Mark didn’t follow suit. Instead, he ran over and stood beside me.

“NO,” it hissed again.

“Please.”

“NO.”

“No. I know. I know,” Mr. Baxter whimpered. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I know you said no. I won’t do it again. I won’t do it again. I won’t!”

“COME.”

The specs floating within the swirl of robes darted to where Mr. Baxter lay huddled on the floor. There was no music, only the sound of what had begun to consume Mark’s father within a cloud of black, black which became solid, almost gelatinous and liquid. He screamed as the mass took over the man’s shape, writhing on the floor in what appeared to be pure agony.

The screams became grotesque, muffled gurgles before ceasing as abruptly as the thing had appeared in the laundry room doorway. Mark turned his face away. I still couldn’t move at all.

I have no idea how much time had passed before what had overcome Mr. Baxter once again became a cloud of airborne debris. On the floor, only another stain to match those in the corners of the room, filling the room with the odor of stale urine. As though called back to their master, they drifted to where the robed thing hovered, wafting about it as they’d done before.

It didn’t go back into the laundry room. Instead, it was just gone. Just as was the music. Just as was Warren Baxter.

—

Outside, I wasn’t at all surprised to see Paul and his bike long gone. I’d been inside with Mark for a long while after what had happened. He was a raw mess, as anyone would be. I helped him give a call to his mother, who lived about an hour away. I stayed for about that long before walking my bike home — I was in no condition to ride.

“I’ll say he just left me here,” Mark said. “Nobody would believe me if I told them what really happened.”

“What about his car?”

“He walks a lot. Usually to the bar down the street. They’ll believe that. I know Mom will.”

I could tell you I was terrified, walking that stretch of road alone late at night, after what I’d seen. In truth, I was relieved. For so long I was told of mortal sins I thought frivolous as being the true path to Hell. That simple “impure thoughts” would destine me to a horrible eternity only a young, teenage boy could imagine. How could such things measure in defiance of all that is good to the monstrous acts of murder, or of rape, or of beating one’s own child? There was a comfort in knowing that once the Devil truly is in someone, he comes looking for that piece of him to take home.

—

My house was in complete darkness. I threw my bicycle into the garage and entered through the back door, into the kitchen. At that hour, I was sure everyone was asleep.

“Where’ve you been?” It was my father. The son of a bitch was standing in the doorway from the basement, in the dark. Ice cubes tinkled from his highball glass.

“I … was just putting my bike away.”

“No. You were out. All night.”

“Dad, I-”

“Get in your room.”

There was no point in carrying on. I did as he said and shut the door behind me.

It was a school night, but I wasn’t about ready to sleep. Sleep, I knew, wouldn’t come at all. Not after the Baxter’s. Not after Dad. It would be another day of looking tired, looking terrible. All under the guise of looking tough.

“What are you doing?” I heard my mother ask from down the hall. “What time is it?”

“Your son. I’m getting my belt.”

“Steven, no…”

I turned on the small stereo in my room. Led Zeppelin IV was already mounted on the turntable, affectionately played countless times in the past as I fought to sleep through a shroud of tears and pain.

I placed the needle down, and as the door to my room opened, I began to turn it counter-clockwise by hand.

[beatsfortheillperth]

Words with Somanyfeels Part 2

Shot by @samuel_thecanadian⁣⁣

Julian aka Somanyfeels abilities with self-directed piecing of artistic trinkets is something we here at beatsfortheill admire about the various artists we get the opportunity to explore future readings and words with, and the big moves Julian is making under his accomplice is beyond the appreciation we are able to give via our blog, but this globetrotter isn't far of more global recognition.

As with writers' block on the mind for myself and then to suddenly, with true suave, have Julian, display his skills toying with human mood after my rough couple of weeks with a mix that truly helped me explore the various healing avenues that music can relate to us as individuals, going through everyday struggles.

So without further delay, let us take a moment to re-explore words with Julian a good friend and previous words with, and found out more about what his mix segment- "Endeavour v1" means to him and let us also dabble in his future endeavors and dreams, so with appreciate enjoy the following words with Somanyfeels.

Let us start with a few random generals to get the conversation flowing, a bit like a repeat from the last time we shared words, so let us see if things have changed up since then?

Favorite Food: A plate full of Al Pastor Tacos with a lot of lime and some horchata.

Favorite Beverage: Matcha tea

Favorite thing to do when you get downtime by yourself:  Take a Nap

Best place to enjoy a wine and view in Las Vegas: Highly recommend any desert area outside of Las Vegas. I love taking pictures and being outdoors with friends. There are some amazing views of the sunset at this place I go right by my house. My friends and I head down to the wash area by this singular tiny mountain and we just talk about life as the golden hour begins and ends.

Favorite piece of clothing and, why you hold a special bond with it: My favorite piece of clothing is actually jewelry. I have this blue-painted silver medallion that I received as a gift while exploring the medina in Fez, Morocco. It reminds me there is more going on in this world than what you see before you, and to try travel as much as you can.

Best song to break it down to at the moment: I would like to mention two tracks for this topic… KALI YUGA - GHOSTMANE & CLAMS CASINO & ANYMORE - FLAUNT EDWARDS

Best song to chill to on a hectic day: THUNDERSTORM - PRODUCERBOIBRAD

Favorite song to listen to at the moment: EARL (INSTRUMENTAL) - EARL SWEATSHIRT

Best Genre of music to listen to when craving emotional connection with one's self: Ambient music heals the soul.

Views on politics: American politicians should be prioritizing the environment over all other political issues. I also believe Americans bought into the illusion that we are in control of what our government does for the countries best interests. I’m not entirely sure about the rest of the world though, so I doubt my opinion has much weight with how things are going nationally and internationally. I think we need to just keep ourselves informed with the use of reliable news resources and we should also put more focus on keeping our planet as clean as we can.

Views on drinking milk throughout the day: Almond milk in a coffee, of course, but if it’s hot often where you are, like it is in Vegas, I would suggest sticking to water. I also think about that scene in Anchorman when Ron loses Baxter!

The Rabbit Hole - Shot By Rosemary Fajardo 

Thanks for answering those little rants, so let us get onto your music. 

You have been guest hosting on radio, sharing tunes with the world,

and also making some of the best blends and mixes I have ever had the privilege of listening to, much love.

What keeps you moving forward with your goals within the music scene? 

Also what have been some of the best tools you have had at hand reach when it comes to creating and delivering quality sets and blends? 

Thank you so much for the kind words about this particular craft of mine <3 I definitely feel that my friends who also make music in my circle, are the people who keep me closest to my love of mixing music and playing shows. 

Witnessing their work ethic grow with wisdom is some type of magic.

I certainly was not expecting to reach this magnitude within the Las Vegas music culture and I was at one time hosting my own radio show but decided to pursue a different route and become more intimate and technical with my musical presentations. 

Hosting your own radio show takes A LOT of time, which at the time was stressing me out. I felt like the quality of work I was putting out on a weekly became biweekly then seldom the basis was in decline. 

To people out there looking to pick up radio, it is extremely fun and teaches you a lot about communication and self-reliance. 

I also think it's totally fine to hit the reset button to keep your spirit up. You can always revisit your past projects and continue to pursue your love for the craft.

Mixing live in front of crowds while on stage is what I love doing now.

When mixing, I can use all Traktor controllers but am also familiar with Pioneer CDJ’s and controllers. 

Traktor is my main resource for feeling comfortable, well most comfortable on stage. 

I stick to using remix decks, 2-4 channels depending on the routine, with effects from both my controller and the house mixer.

Do you always have to schedule in time or does it just fall into a routine, creating I mean?

It is at random for mixes I create at home. When I feel it, I'll just go for it, but for shows, it does take a sort of scheduling presence and sorting of skills to make sure I feel prepared for the upcoming event. 

Keep in mind, not all shows are the same, so you have to really organize and then re-organize your playlists depending on the crowds you will be playing for and the vibe the event promoter will be expecting. 

In the end, as a DJ I believe firmly that it is your job to be the glue between artists before and after you.

You have to learn to look up at the faces in front of you too, sort of read how people are reacting to your song selection and with that, you have to try and adapt on the fly as much as possible.

I’m still trying to perfect this lol.

It has to be mentioned, you are quite a gifted photographer.

I had a scroll with a good friend through your shoots and you def know your angles, much love.

How far do you feel you've come from first experimenting with a camera to what I believe you are now, a self-proclaimed skill shooter down the lens?

Also, what is your favorite style of shoot to portray a scene via the lens?

Also, what's your preference time to shoot: Night or Day?

You are always learning and adapting with a cam.

I absolutely love it. 

I don’t think that I am that profound just yet since there is so much more I need to understand, but if you enjoy light painting images, then I would reference my work to you :) I am a night-time shooter mostly so I'd say night time with the exception of a good golden hour or blue hour shoot. Night shots feel like you and your subject are the only ones on the planet, and the ability to light up the night with a light source is pure sorcery! 

It reminds me a lot of Magic: The Gathering. a lot of the graphics from those cards inspire me to utilize an experimental light source.

Let's bring it back to the reason I am asking to have words with you again, and that reason is your creation, with essence -a new mix, titled "Endeavor v1".

It has to be one of my favorites, of many great mixes by yourself, and I am privileged to be featuring "Endeavor v1" on our SoundCloud alongside this interview, link to the mix is here.

Honestly, thank you!, you actually got me onto a few new artists that I had never heard of thanks to the beauty.

People like marrow with Kafia, Otrapic, and Carlo Frick; all artists that are truly pushing diverse waves and instilling moods all over, that I was yet to hear before Endeavor thank you! While we are on the topic, what are your personal views on these artists in the making? 

These artists are great and I highly recommend that you listen to them!

Otrapic’s sound resonates with me so much. As much as I love that hard gritty and ground splitting bass sound from artists in my library, the storytelling element that Otrapic has just levels me out and makes me want to tell my emotions to someone close.

 Carlo Frick makes your brain swivel in place. I’ve opened many sets with his music at the forefront of the tracklist- in fact - I think any hard set I play will include a sound from his discography. 

Kafia has that haunting element of like a siren’s presence underwater in her musical style. 

Keep in mind, these artists you’ve mentioned from Endeavor v1s tracklist are particularly underrated. 

Kafia shows that you have to really let loose upon yourself when digging deep into Soundcloud, Bandcamp, Spotify etc. 

Trust the flow of the search for music and you will find those gem artists turn-by-turn.

On the subject, again, what bought you to your mix concept for "Endeavors"? What type of day/night was it, and what had been playing in your head before you even thought to put the playlist together? 

It was super late. I came home after a night out in The Arts District of Las Vegas, and I just felt really sad. Anyone get that way after drinking too much and you’re like super on the edge of blacking out but have loads of energy that has been held so close for too long? 

I had to let it out and went into my little corner area in my house where all my plants and records are and just turned on the controller and played what I thought would express my feelings inside. I woke up the next morning and played it back and thought "oh shit this went fairly well", lol. Sometimes sadness can drive you to make some really interesting projects. It's okay to feel these feelings.

Will, there be follow on concepts for Endeavor? Like how you dabbled in your previous works "HUNT//GATHER which came in a 5 volume mix of ambient allure, much love again for that. I loved what HUNT//GATHER represented. I remember you saying "It is intended to put the listener out of their element and into something wild and untamed" talking about the five-volume.

Truly a unique artist you are my friend, much gratitude. 

If you do plan the volume for Endeavour, what would your goals and visions be for the project? Also what journey are you hoping to take your listeners on with works to come?

I appreciate the kind words on my previous mix series <3 <3 <3

and I think I would love to do something like that series again!!

Sure why not ;) This sound could work, I have loads more of this sound just sitting there looking for a home.

I think that could be the theme too!

“Searching for home, all the while achieving the tasks you set before you to prepare for your arrival”.

Something like that?

 A goal of mine would be to make it a journey for the listener to enjoy.

With Endeavor, if you could give one descriptive paragraph for all it embodies from your point of view what would you state?

It’s your interaction with the elements in our world.

It's packed with all beats airy, wavy and blissful to help tell the story of…whatever it is you see after hearing the track order, to be honest! Find someplace relaxing to you, maybe a productive place and play this out. 

I think it’ll bring you into some sort of meditative state :)

Any up and coming artists, music and beyond you could recommend and give us links to? 

INDESCRIBABLE INDY

https://indescribable.bandcamp.com/

WEIRDDOUGH

https://weirddough.bandcamp.com/

ONEONTHEBEAT

https://1blaps.bandcamp.com/

MATT NISH

https://open.spotify.com/artist/5IcGFKFypLHBm9fUCbhl1u

OUMUAMUA

https://soundcloud.com/oumuamua

LO THE DINO

https://soundcloud.com/lothedino

One of my favorite questions to ask, any musical recommendations?

Albums, songs, or a blessed mix like your own for example? 

I would personally recommend an artist by the name of Terekke.

His "Improvisational Loops" Album is filled with some of the most amazing ambient music I’ve heard.

https://www.musicfrommemory.com/release/6031/terekke/improvisational-loops

How have your previous experiences with doing live sets been going? 

I can only imagine the mood you would set. What has been your favorite experience as of late?

Well.. to be clear, I haven’t really done a full live set just yet.

With remix decks on traktor, switching over to those can be a kinetic experience with the audience. 

My real joy is to present sounds as a vibe selection - something that tells a story with energy exchange.

My challenge lately is looking at the crowd and reading their movements and my most favorite experience playing live is just glancing up after a transition and seeing a guy (pristinely dress) spilling his beer all over the floor while getting down.

I just really loved seeing that reaction to music. He didn’t care one bit and was just wayyyy into the song that was playing.

An old memory would have to be from a Halloween show years back at this venue called Velveteen Rabbit in the Arts District of LV.

I specifically remember just dancing harder than I’ve ever danced while dj’ing. Right in front of the small fold up table with my gear with all my friends just throwing their hands at me.

It felt like I was inside of a fireball.

I will forever cherish that night. connection to the crowd, close friends or newly met ones, that will always fuel me to play music.

Any up and coming shows or gigs you'd like to brief us on that you feel readers would be intrigued with checking out?

I just finished 2 sets for the end of October.

My birthday is Halloween, so I just want to spend time with friends and take photos throughout November.

I have a couple of collaborations in the works rn with some friends who need some photos; just have to see how they turn out.

As for music, I’m taking a month off from shows but I would like to play one for NYE. ;)

Any Last Words?

Please bear in mind that life is fragile.

We are on a rock that is highly susceptible to an array of destruction from uncontrollable forces we can’t even see coming from beyond the known cosmos.

Your milliseconds here are precious. what can you do to make the best of those moments?

Support Somanyfeels Here:

Somanyfeels Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/somanyfeelsmusic

Somanyfeels Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/_somanyfeels_/?hl=en

Somanyfeels Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/somanyfeelsphoto/

[futilism-blog]

music that is nice goin in and out my ear canals - it’s good kid

more shit i liked throughout 2017. mostly new stuff?

slowdive "star roving": i love slowdive but it's kinda funny how the drums n stuff sound so... similar to everything going on right now. kinda meh. in a production sense. the middle of the title track where it's just squiggly synths, voice, and guitar is amazing. agree with some guy on youtube saying this weirdly sounds like their early stuff. pygmalion is my favorite though and i hope there's some stuff akin to that coming up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

slowdive "so tired" i'm listening to this now because that track reminded me that slowdive is so good, thanks slowdive

slowdive "dagger" i love you slowdive

chavez - the cockfighters: was excited for this because i am a BIG FAN. "memorize this face" is one of my favorite songs. i gotta listen to this more maybe. "the bully boys" has cool guitar interplay but it also sounds like something on the clerks soundtrack. which is a good and bad thing? sounds like something "the boys put together for the heck of it".

exit someone - dry your eyes: haha they tagged it as soft pop. welcome to the singularity techfuture. it's now. it's real. basically this is real pleasant sounding steely dan chords and smooth jazz saxophone done pretty straightforward. i'm having an amazing fantasy imagining the target audience for this but hell. i like it. "rhythmically the TR-505 drum machine is featured exclusively as an exercise of reiterating patterns to highlight the storytelling" is an amazing way to say that programming drums is tedious. i'm a fan but i'm not sure if i played this at a party whether people would jive with it or if it'd be like a "what are you playing this for" kinda reaction. joan of arc - he's got the whole shitty annoying wordplay that's really long: i like repetition and songs that start with the line "oh fuck off" so i like this. and that's basically this entire album. bleep bloops and loops. they take a beat, a line, and some bleeps and repeat it with all these little things going on over it. scool. uniform - wake in fright: some snarling brit guy over noisy industrial stuff. neat. they're from new york? wha? but the man - he sounds like a brit. their bandcamp namedrops big black and slayer and that's funny because you guessed it, those were the two things i thought of. pretty fucking cool. i feel some confusion is sex sometimes too -- and not just in this album understand me. i feel like i'm gonna listen to this a lot this year and not just in this album understand? baxter stockman "male talent": cool n clangy. howling mad sounding man hollerin all over the place over this drum beat that basically gallops the whole damn time. reminds me of watching wheels spin. pretty cool but iono. i really want another twin stumps so bad. doon kanda - heart: saaaaaaaaaaaay! i haven't listened to something from hyperdub in so long. this guy's favorite song by the evens must be "warble factor!!" because there sure are a lot of "warbly" synths going on here!!!!!!! very ... 'classical' sounding chord progressions that makes this feel kind of symphonic and dramatic but nostalgic. LIKE ANIME. the last track is real spooky and glitchy and seems to indicate the next step this guy's gonna take. and i'm pretty stoked on it. the dude’s visual art is also so so good. the xx - on hold: it's kinda cool sometimes? it's really pretty, relaxed, and disjointed with the cut up samples popping up here and there. and other times it sounds like something that would play during the dramatic parts of an ep of CSI. haven't listened to the xx in so long but didn't they used to be WHISPER QUIET with guitar stuff..? iono. not my favorite but not awful. jesus & mary chain "amputation" single: i love the album darklands so much. heck, i even play stoned & dethroned all the time. that's a lazy day jam kinda thing. and now the JAMC is back baby!!!! they've got an album cover that looks like alphabet soup!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whoa. so this song has a chill lil drum machine thing going on and a kind of fuzzy guitar that's nice. AND falsetto "ooohs". what's not to like? probably the fact that it's no great shakes and not terribly interesting. not bad though. something i can see playing at a record store that i could tune out. william basinski - a shadow in time: love it. i'm too big of an idiot to be able to eloquently describe how "real" and "authentic" music "sounds" that isn't stupid pop or noise. but aside from my BIG FANDOM of everything basinski does, this one is an engaging listen start to finish. would recommend to a newcomer. one of my favorite sounds is an orchestra warming up and this kind of has the same feeling to it - like it's standing on the edge of something bigger. continually shifts from really warm and sentimental to ominous and disquieting. kind of mirrors how i feel about death which is fitting considering that i think about death all the time. code orange - forever: i feel like people hated this album WAY MORE than they really did, but it's far from my favorite thing they've done. i'm always biased towards bands trying new approaches and making the sounds more of their own thing and this is definitely that kinda deal. it's so over the top and when i heard "THIS IS REAL NOW MOTHERFUCKER" i got a really big smile that was only like 9% irony so i guess ultimately i liked this album. something i can appreciate even if it's not something i'll be going back to much. obasquiat - #moebius: you guys like free jazz!?!?!?! I DO. the track "vanikoro" alone pushed me in to 'love' territory. super spacey and enveloping building up into complete chaos. some mind bending shit on here. reminds me of the pop group if you took a pop group song and stretched it out until all of its ligaments and musculature was ripped apart and spaced out (even more so?). gets weirdly metal in a way at times that i dig, but not as much as i dig the last track being some weird bossa thing out of nowhere. stabscotch - uncanny valley: jesus fucking christ. this is all over the fucking place. i guess i will call it post punk but there's dub, metal, surf, noise, and a bunch of other insane shit happening on this. plus i like that the vocalist has a real 'normal guy' voice so it's kind of funny when he's hollerin or shrieking shit. lots familiar about this but the sum is something i've never heard before. amazing. i like that the overall mood vocally is pissed off throughout too. something that i'll listen to a lot but maybe not all at once. really removed from a reference point like stretchheads or something, which makes a pretty disorienting first listen. will be hard to top this as the most original thing i’ve heard all year. pseudonym - pack of lies: laughed after the first track started playing because this immediately followed my listen of that stabscotch album. really lovely but samey pop music that is a joy to listen to ultimately. even if the album goes on a little too long. makes me feel the same way velocity girl makes me feel. that's a good ass feel. jim o'rourke - steamroom 31: same deal trying to describe this that i have with basinski. jim o'rourke is one of my favorite guitarists/musicians ever, and the sole (soul?) reason why sonic youth got even more amazing. SYR3 ftw. this is a drone album that carefully changes moods throughout in a way that's extremely affecting. builds to a pretty glorious noise barrage that makes its presence felt throughout the rest of the album.

ok thassall for now. peace.