#Leandra is honestly one of the better ones and she's still ... bad

[milesmentis]

Whichever oc is eating your brain the mostest:

Name one thing their parents taught them.

What recurring dreams do they have?

Thank you for asking and waiting so patiently for me to open my inbox again. Although I don't talk about her much at all, I've been thinking again about Solona Amell and since I never include her on OC lists for these it only seems fair. From this list here:

13) Name one thing their parents taught them.

Poise is everything. The way you are perceived by others dictates your own treatment so you must always present yourself to your best advantage. Never give anything away - not your respect, not your disdain, certainly never your opinion - and you will never find yourself in another's debt.

29) What recurring dreams do they have?

No surprise, but Solona is frequently beset by demons. She is like catnip to them: proud, ravenous, bitter, jealous ... and so very afraid. She frequently has lucid dreams which often (though not always) have a demon at the center of them. Most of them revolve around her aspirations: becoming Grand Enchanter and then breaking from the Chantry is a big one. And then of course, there are the Archdemon nightmares. But of her normal dreams, the most common one is "waking up" in a field of wild flowers. Sometimes she's alone, sometimes she's lying next to Heulwen or her mother. That one becomes less common during/after the Blight, but when it does come back the person she's lying next to is always Alistair (or one time that woke her in a cold sweat - Jowan).

[foggyfanfic]

Love and Fury

Chapter Preview: He wanted to tell her if she couldn’t handle a bit of criticism she shouldn’t have thrown food at his sister. He wanted to tell her that she was the one who started all this, not him. He wanted to ask her why she was so upset about being told she deserved her crush. And maybe if he’d done so, she would have snapped and the truth would have come out.

Ch1 Prev Next Master List

Chapter 10 Battle Lines

Bruno got to the cheese stall early Friday morning. Really early. Before half the vendors in the market had arrived early. He had nothing better to do, since he apparently wouldn’t be getting any sleep.

He’d lied awake all night and tried to convince himself that he was definitely angry at Reina.

Even though… what happened the day before wasn’t really her fault. She had clearly thought Pepa knew Cicero had moved on, honestly, Bruno had thought the same. And while it was completely understandable that Pepa was upset about the whole situation, it could be hard to talk to Pepa when she was that angry. Because of the whole, deafening thunder thing, not because Pepa was unwilling to listen. Most of his arguments with Pepa were solved by passing notes until the storm quieted down enough for them to talk.

Still, the fact of the matter was, Pepa was hurt by Reina’s actions. Bruno is Pepa’s brother, not Reina’s… anything. He had to stand by her. By Pepa. Not Reina.

Cicero strolled over, yawning and sipping his coffee. A charming grin began to spread across his face but dropped like a lead weight when he saw who was behind the wooden counter. 

He sighed and stomped away, grumbling something under his breath.

When Reina arrived, it was without Leche. She frowned when she saw him, but from the way her brows wrinkled, he was pretty sure it was more a frown of confusion than displeasure.

Bruno didn’t say anything. If he started talking to her, then she would talk to him, and then he wouldn’t be able to pretend he didn’t like her.

“Leche is fine, bit shaken though, spent the night hiding under my bed,” Leandra said, voice a bit flat. She pushed her wagon around the back and entered the stall without another word. 

She set up in silence then settled into her chair, lips pursed.

Bruno couldn’t tell if she was angry, or concentrating on something. Now that he was thinking about it, she had been remarkably patient through this whole affair, considering Bruno was getting between her and her crush.

“Has Pepa told you what happened?” Leandra said, watching him out of the corner of her eye.

“She uh, she was too upset, I couldn’t, you know, hear her.”

“So,” Leandra blew out a slow breath, tapped her toe a couple times, then asked, “so why are you still here?”

“I- Pepa asked me to make sure you don’t get anywhere near Cicero,” he sat up a little straighter, “wh-which you can’t blame her for, considering y-.”

“Does she want you to keep me away from Cicero? Or does she want you to keep Cicero away from me?”

Bruno frowned, staring at her for a few beats, “What’s the-? Why does it matter?”

Leandra opened her mouth to say something, a sharp gesture aborting itself just as it began, then shut her teeth with a click. She kneaded the bridge of her nose between her thumb and pointer finger, jaw clenched.

The ensuing silence felt like it lasted forever.

“Fine,” Leandra finally concluded. 

So the day before had been a bust. So things were now a little bit messier than they had been already. Whatever. Whatever! She’d just have to talk to Pepa on a different day. After the bad news had settled. Which was fine, this was fine. Incredibly frustrating, sure! But also totally fine.

Bruno wrung his fingers and tried to figure out what “fine” meant. He may not have been the world’s smoothest operator, but he knew that when women said “fine” they usually meant “I’m upset but trying not to make a big deal about things so I’m just going to sit here and stew until I can open my mouth without yelling”.

This was an incredibly accurate assessment of Leandra’s current state of mind, but because Bruno only had half the information, he concluded that she was upset about Leche’s distress and blamed him for it.

She didn’t. Leche was an old guard dog, and had seen his fair share of storms and frights. Leandra knew he’d be back to normal by the time she got home. Bruno though, he blamed himself for the sweet old dog spending the night under the bed, and couldn’t see any reason why she shouldn’t do the same. 

If he mentioned this, if he had shared his assumption that she was upset on Leche’s behalf, she would have corrected him and invited him to come see Leche for himself. She would have explained that she only mentioned Leche’s hiding under the bed to explain why she hadn’t brought the dog along. She would have explained she was frustrated by the entire situation and may even have admitted that there had been a misunderstanding and she was waiting on Pepa’s permission to clear things up.

Bruno didn’t say anything however, he just sat with his guilt, kicking himself for putting Leche in that situation.

They spent the morning consumed by their own thoughts. Bruno worrying over Leche and Pepa and his loyalty to his familia, Leandra trying to think of a way to clear things up with Bruno without violating Pepa’s privacy.

Whenever a customer stopped by she would put on her most polite smile and do her best not to throw a bar of soap at their head for daring to buy things from her while she was in a bad mood. Bruno, who by now knew how to tell her genuine smiles from her fake ones, became more and more convinced that Reina was deeply upset with him with every passing customer.

He couldn’t blame her for being angry, it was obvious that she loved her dog with her whole heart. If somebody had traumatized one of his rats, he would be stewing in anger for days.

Still, he couldn’t allow himself to be sympathetic to her. He had clearly underestimated how much her actions hurt Pepa.

Or maybe he had just lied to himself so he’d be allowed to enjoy her company. 

Maybe if he’d paid more attention to Pepa and spent less time fantasizing about Reina, he would have realized how much Pepa was still hurting. He’d assumed that she was doing better since she’d started spending more time with Félix, but had he actually believed that or simply wanted to believe it so he wouldn’t have to feel guilty for liking Reina as much as he did?

Ugh, he had made things so much more complicated than they needed to be. If he had just ignored her, used the time in the cheese stall to catch up on his reading instead of talking to her, yesterday never would have happened.

Well, if he also hadn’t barged in on her doing laundry and been a complete creep about it. Can’t forget about that episode.

He really was Bad Luck Bruno, just going around, making things worse.

When lunch came around, Bruno realized he forgot to bring any food. He was debating whether or not it was safe to walk across the street to the fruit stand, or even down to the fruit stand that sold mangoes, when Leandra plopped some of her bread and a small wheel of cheese in front of him.

He stared at the food.

“If you don’t want it, I’ll take it back,” Leandra said, after he spent too long staring at the wheel of cheese like he expected it to tell him where God hid his heavenly dust bunnies when company came around.

Bruno stared at her.

She pressed her lips together and counted backwards from ten in her head. It wasn’t his fault she was in a bad mood and she didn’t want to snap at him when he’d done nothing wrong.

“Bruno,” she said, managing to keep her tone even, “do you want the food, yes or no?”

Bruno opened his mouth, and zero sound came out.

Leandra threw her hands up, dios, now she had somehow given Bruno an existential crisis. Was there anything she could do without it backfiring?

Bruno closed his mouth and grimaced at her visible annoyance. He didn’t mean to be indecisive, he was just worried that if he accepted the food, if he accepted the kindness she often showed him, he would start relaxing around her again. Which felt like a betrayal of Pepa’s trust in him.

He took a deep breath, and tried to explain his feelings as concisely as possible, “I don’t want anything from you.”

Well that didn’t come out right.

Leandra, too irritable to pull off her usual friendly tone, smirked sharply and drawled, “We both know that’s a lie.”

“I-I don’t know what you mean,” Bruno scowled at the cheese, cursing his cheeks for burning the way that they did.

“Sure guapo, you’re completely clueless,” Leandra grumbled, taking the food back and pretending not to see the wistful expression on his face. She wondered again if there was a way to clue him in without making things even harder for Pepa. She was 70% sure that the only reason this whole mess was happening was due to a misunderstanding, but what if she was wrong? What if Pepa had deliberately kept Bruno in the dark for whatever reason.

“Don’t call me that,” Bruno said quietly.

“What?” Leandra leaned closer, to hear him better.

He sighed, “Don’t call me guapo. Don’t act like-. I’m just hanging around until Cicero moves on, th-then we’ll never talk to each other again.”

The pet name, the flirting, the teasing, it all served to make his heart race, make him crave her company. So, he needed to nip it in the bud.

Leandra drew back, sharply. When he glanced up at her he caught a glimpse of hurt on her face, before she set her chin and sniffed haughtily.

“Have it your way,” she shrugged as if she didn’t care, “I’d rather save the pet names for Cicero, anyways.”

She regretted saying it the minute the words came out of her mouth, mostly because lying to Bruno was really just going to make this whole thing worse, but she just didn’t have the patience to be treated like the bad guy today.

Bruno rolled his eyes, “You do that. Heck! I’ll help you come up with a few. How about man-whore?!”

Leandra bit her tongue to avoid laughing, Bruno’s cattiness surprised her so much it almost soothed her anger. At the same time, it’s not like she could openly laugh at her “crush” without Bruno growing suspicious, and the reminder of the situation she’d created for herself only increased her frustration.

“We’ve been here before gua- Bruno. You don’t have to be jealous of Cicero, you’d probably get the same amount of attention if you put the effort in.”

“I am not jealous of that- that-! I-I mean, what do you even see in him?” he gestured sharply as he spoke, “He’s so slimy and lazy and, and spoiled. You could have any- He is not worth hurting my sister over.”

Leandra crossed her arms, smirking, “Well, maybe I just want to use him. Maybe, because I’m sooooo evil, it isn’t even about him. Maybe this entire time my only goal was to throw food at people.”

He narrowed his eyes at her, examining her face. She kept her face open and waited for him to voice even a shred of doubt.

They’d spent what? Three weeks, a month hanging out with each other? Surely by now he must have noticed she wasn’t a vapid bitch.

“Or maybe I’m head over heels in love with him,” she eventually continued with a shrug, “maybe he’s the only man I’ve ever wanted to be with and I’m just a sentimental fool, cursed to act crazy over a man who doesn’t really care about me. Maybe nothing and no one matters to me as much as he does.”

Bruno huffed, shaking his head. He found this one easier to believe. It was exactly what he’d suspected all along, after all.

Again, she waited. She waited for him to give any indication that after the time they’d spent together, he knew her better than that. But he didn’t. Of course he didn’t. He was so set in his own assumptions that she could probably say whatever she wanted and he’d still be convinced she was a jealous, petty, brat who was desperately in love with a slimy, lazy, spoiled, man-whore.

Dios, it shouldn’t hurt as much as it did to have some guy write her off this easily. Even if the “some guy” in question was the sweetest man she’d ever met.

Leandra glared straight ahead so he wouldn’t be able to see the tears of frustration welling in her eyes, “Or maybe you’re just an idiot.”

“Maybe I should just leave you two to it,” Bruno retorted, “you certainly deserve eachother.”

Leandra stood up suddenly. She knew Bruno didn’t know what he was saying, she knew he didn’t mean that she deserved to be “left to it” with a rapist, but right now it was all just a bit too much for her to stand. She was irritated, sensitive, and on the verge of breaking into tears, either from her anger at the general situation or the hurt from Bruno’s clueless comment.

She needed to leave, before she started pulling her hair out or said something she couldn’t come back from.

Bruno watched, briefly stunned as Leandra began packing up her soaps and cheeses early. She didn’t speak, didn’t look at him, didn’t even let him get a glimpse of her face.

He frowned, he didn’t know why she was so upset, he wasn’t the one that had resorted to name calling.

He wanted to tell her if she couldn’t handle a bit of criticism she shouldn’t have thrown food at his sister. He wanted to tell her that she was the one who started all this, not him. He wanted to ask her why she was so upset about being told she deserved her crush. And maybe if he’d done so, she would have snapped and the truth would have come out.

But he didn’t.

He watched her close up shop and pack up her wagon. She pushed it back onto the main road and paused, he thought for a second that she was going to say something, but she didn’t. She just walked away.

Slowly, Bruno got out of his chair. He walked out of the stall with his thoughts clouding his vision. Right up until he spotted Cicero leaning against the doorframe of the leather shop.

Cicero was smirking. No doubt he’d seen the whole thing.

Bruno scowled, for the first time in his life he understood the temptation to punch somebody in the face. He wasn’t going to do it, of course, but there was a part of him that wanted to. He decided right then and there that Cicero was never getting anywhere near Reina, not just for Pepa’s sake, but for Bruno’s as well.

“Be doing her a favor if you think about it,” Bruno grumbled to himself as he stomped back to Casita, “she’d be better off with an angry wasp’s nest than that- that- cabrón!”

Thankfully, nobody was in the courtyard when he got home so he was able to go straight up to his room and spend the rest of the day venting to his rats. By the time he was called down to dinner, he had re-enacted the argument between him and Reina seven times, only in his version he was able to convince her to stay away from Cicero of her own accord.

[lenalovesjoyblogs]

My experience meeting lovejoy (April 5th 2023)

IT. WAS. FANTASTIC!

NOW, before you think this whole experience was all sunshine and rainbows, well it wasnt.. sorta just let me get explaining

I arrived to warsaw around 2pm, with me and my mum struggling to get to our hotel, we finally got in and got ready for us to eat at this one restruant which had some of the best kompot (which is like a polish drink with fruit and stuff) that i have ever tasted. then i got dressed and we went to the venue

and now, i dont know much about the whole waiting line situation with people having panic attacks and struggles to breathe (even a person broke their ribcage through there), but nontheless, i found my 2 friends i was planning to spend the night screaming our heads off to, and already i was screaming my head off

i saw joe, zoe, leandra, dave and david walk past, i was screaming so loudly to the point leandra waved at me which was a joy for me already, and then ash kabosu, i repeat THE ASH KABOSU, walked past and i did the same, and it worked he waved at me back, it was so fucking amazing but now heres the big part

i saw mark boardman, no joke. So i saw him walk past and my friends kept repeating that its just a random guy just to try and stop me from going crazy fangirl mode and sprinting here (spoiler alert, i did) and i got to give him a present i made for each of the 4 main band members and his reaction just made my day so much better, he was so happy to get it and i was happy to see him happy

heres the photo i took of me and mark together, i blurred my face because i dont wanna reveal my face here just yet, but after this photo was taken, i told him “your the sunshine, king!” i was trying to compliment/hype him up somesort, and his reaction was so cute, he like pouted and putted his hands to his heart, it just made me so happy

we kept waiting in line, until i saw leandra again with some random guy (possibly their manager), which i started screaming leandras name and she saw me and touched my hand, let me tell you.. i was speechless. from leandra noticing me on tiktok a couple of times to her seeing me in person, i was just jawdropped frozen

through the line me and my 2 friends joked around, got lovejoy stickers and signed our names to this one book with all the fan’s names on it

and then we got in, i was lost so i couldnt find my 2 friends but i did at the end, which is great and then.. it was time for the show.

ZWIDY : Okay, i dont listen to them much but they putted on a show, i was screaming so loud and i just had to much fun, everyone was waving their arms at some songs and it was just hella fun to be at

HONEYMOAN : Honeymoan on the other hand? OHHH BOY! They were killing it, i loved allisons energy, i also dont listen to honeymoan much but they were making me dance like i was the main character, and thanks to “too much”, its honestly my favourite song right now.

And now.. the moment i been waiting for

LOVEJOY : I was screaming my ass off, i was finally waiting after 2 years to see them live and it was like a reward for all the shit i went through and now im here, in poland, screaming to lovejoy’s music but then

Disaster struck : during perfume, i began to feel more and more dizzy, almost like i was going to puke, so i told my mum and we went straight to the merch store area, my mom was fanning me and i was drinking water that she brought me, i was also close to tears because i felt like i dissapointed the band by not being there because of me feeling ill and weak, so my mum got the organizer of the concert to give the rest of the gifts to the members after the show (sadly not taking the ones i made for the trumpeters)

After i got out of the venue, i was breaking down in tears, at that point i feel like i fully dissapointed the band that i couldnt be there for the entire gig, but atleast im seeing them in 2 and a half months from now at the open’er festival, so it wont be that bad right? 

but still, i still kinda feel guilty i had to leave the venue because it was a concert i been waiting for 2 years and it all went wrong when lovejoy came on, but i met some cool people and i had a lot of fun, so that matters mostly.

[psalacanthea]

A Light that Leads Home

just a little ficlet, possibly going to be two more parts to finish out a small story.  Hawke trying to find their way home with a friend who might not be who they claim to be.

...

It had been for ages now that Hawke followed Varric across the forbidding landscape.

If it’d been anyone else she never would have kept walking, but every time she fell in exhaustion, every time she hid, shaking from a demon, Varric would be right there next to her.  Convincing her it wasn’t so bad.  Teasing her, making fun of her, encouraging her to keep moving.  Telling stories, reminding her of the tales they’d lived through, and giving it all his own particular brand of shiny lies that took all the worst edges off.  

Saving her, again and again.

There were no days or nights, no time to pass, just an ever-changing landscape that led her senses astray.  Sometimes she thought she’d been walking for days, only to come full-circle to the same place she’d started from.  Sometimes she’d trudge what felt like miles, only to have the world contract around her, a long featureless plain she’d crossed with a thousand steps becoming so small she could jump across it.  Everything hindered her.

But Varric, Varric never left her.

Now, they were back.  They walked the streets of Kirkwall together, following behind a mystery being solved.  It was fun to be a bystander for once, at the edge of the crowd as the guards shouted people away from the corpse lying in the Hightown Market.  Hawke frowned, staring down at the body.  Middle-aged, female, well-dressed.

For a moment it looked like her mother, Leandra’s hollow gray face, eyes wide and staring, body a patchwork of-

“No, no, you’ve got it all wrong,” Varric interrupted her spiral, his raspy, cheerful voice cutting through.  “That’s Jania Carrowmere, the noblewoman involved in a nug-fighting ring.”

“Don’t you mean Harrowmont?”  Hawke asked, uncertainly.  When she looked again, though, it wasn’t mother’s face, but a blonde woman with silver in her hair.

“Not in this story.  Honestly?  This one’s not my best work…maybe it should have stayed on my desk.”  Varric’s long sigh bothered her.  He folded his thick arms, jaw tightening as he twisted his lips to the side.

Hawke reached up and scratched at her hairline, watching as Donnen Brennokovic crouched next to the body, face hardened and lined.  “I thought you were going to kill him.  You said you were done.”

“I tried,” Varric said, exasperated.  He lifted both hands helplessly.  “But they just wouldn’t let me.  He’s damn hard to kill.  And honestly, I don’t know.  Maybe I’m afraid of trying new things these days.”

“People still love him,” Hawke acknowledged, and then pursed her lips into a line.  “But is it better to keep clinging to him?  Maybe you should just let him go while he’s still what you wanted him to be.  Why don’t I know this story?”

The distress in that thought was abrupt, spearing through the haze with a stab of pain and loss.  She didn’t know this.  That didn’t make sense; she’d read everything Varric had ever written.  Almost all of them before they were published, too.  

He said her scribbling swear words in the margins was really helpful.

“I wrote it after you left,” Varric explained, voice quieter now.

If it had been a gut-punch before, this was a shard of ice driving into her chest.  So piercingly cold that it made her gasp, she clutched her chest and felt her lungs heave for a breath that wouldn’t come.  With Varric’s quiet encouragement, eventually she managed to inhale, eyes prickling with unshed tears.

“I- I didn’t mean to.  I didn’t mean to go, Varric.”

“I know.  Hey.  C’mon.”  He took her hand and gave her a tug.

Hawke followed, still struggling to fight off the pain.  “Where are we going?”

“Away.  It’s not working.  I thought this was the place, but it doesn’t seem to be any more.”

It was an answer, but never enough of one.  She couldn’t seem to get Varric to give her a straight answer about anything, but that was enough like him that it made some sense.  They went back to walking, but it took ages to leave Kirkwall.  Maybe days.  Maybe weeks.

There was no way to know.

Around every corner there seemed to be something to run from, echoes that were too difficult for her to face.  The Chantry exploded a thousand times, again and again, Sebastian’s angry voice ringing in her ears, Anders’ despairing acceptance of death twisting her heart.  When it would happen Varric would sit next to her and talk her down.  Reminding her she couldn’t have known.  Reminding her that the lives lost weren’t her fault.

He apologized a lot, for bringing her there.

But it wasn’t his fault, he was just trying to take her home.

Every time Mother found her she moved a little slower, lost a little more focus.  The accusations rang in her ears, calling her a failure.  A failure for letting Carver die, as if it were her fault.  A failure for letting Mother die.  A failure for not protecting Kirkwall, Bethany well enough.  

Eventually it was only Varric’s hand that kept her moving.

He’d lead her to the good things so she’d keep walking, to the Alienage to watch Merrill tend to her neighbors and friends, a smile on her face.  Isabela would come sometimes, with gray streaks in her hair.  Varric couldn’t find Fenris or Anders, but that was all right.

Eventually they made it to the edge of town and looked across the world from a cliff above the dark and crashing sea.  Across the sea she could see the rest of the Marches, the Anderfels, even the road back to Lothering.  A huge vista of a crossroads, a choice.

When she looked towards Lothering she could see the ship that had taken them away, dark and cramped and-

“Hey, woah, no.  I don’t think that’s the right way,”  Varric denied, pulling her attention away.  

Hawke was too tired to argue with him after leaving Kirkwall- she could feel it sucking at her.  Just standing outside it without falling back into it took all of her strength.  “Where is the right way, then?”

Varric’s voice was tight with frustration, eyes crinkled at the corners.  “Hell if I know.  I’m a dwarf, remember?  I don’t dream.  I don’t know the way back home.”

That’s right.  She was trying to go home.  How could they find the way back home when it wasn’t Kirkwall, or family, or Lothering?  Where was home?  

“Do you want to go to Sebastian?”

Hawke felt a little stab of bitterness that escaped as a laugh.  “No.  No, no.  That’s not home, Varric.”

“Could have been.”

Hawke snorted with amusement, starting to feel better as Kirkwall’s whirlpool drag on her feet started to let go.  “Sure, in a world where nothing bad ever happens and no one ever has to make an uncomfortable choice, yeah.  That could have been home.  For someone with their fingers in their ears and their eyes closed.  Do you think Anders did the right thing?”

“You know as well as I do that I can’t make that call,”  Varric sighed in annoyance.  He always got annoyed when she tried to nudge him towards a bigger picture.  He liked small pictures.  Written on the pages of books.

“You mean you won’t,”  Hawke said cuttingly, her scarred lips twisting into a smirk.

“All right, lay off,”  Varric said with a sigh.  Turning away, he started leading her down the cliff-face, away from Lothering.  “You’re such a pain in my ass, Hawke.”

“It’s the only way you ever get off it.”

Varric chuckled but didn’t deny it.

“Do you know where we’re going yet?”  Hawke asked hopefully.

“Sorry, Hawke, I haven’t got the foggiest.  Here’s the thing.  It’s like I’m trying to catch fireflies with a blindfold on.  Like I said, I don’t dream.  I can’t see the way back.  I’m just sort of hoping your feet know the way.”

Her fingers tightened in Varric’s, taking comfort at least in the fact that he was there.  “I’m doing my best.”

“And as long as you keep doing that, I’m here.”

“I love you, Varric.”

He smiled.  “I love you too, Hawke.”

No, that didn’t sound right.  She frowned as they wandered up the coast, following tracks of blood that led the way.  Slavers’ blood.  “Why won’t you call me anything else?”

He gave a small, chagrined chuckle, expression tense.  “I’m sorry.  I can’t really tell you why.  Maybe all the stories in the way.”

That didn’t sound quite right, but…  “I don’t remember either,” she confessed, and then gave a long sigh.  “I guess I’m just the Hawke.  Just Hawke.”

“For right now, that’s enough.  After all, Hawke’s a hero, right?  Hawke doesn’t give up; that’s what all the stories say.  So, if you are Hawke, sooner or later we’ll find the way home.  After all, you’ve got me, don’t you?”  Varric smiled up at her.

She smiled back to him, giving a small nod, confident nod of her head.  That was right.  She was Hawke, and what a Hawke was…was a hero.

If only she could remember her name.

[sinsbymanka]

Female Hawke/Varric Tethras + kiss prompt 'on a scar' and it's one of Hawke's scars? :3

Thank you for the prompt @serphena!! For @dadrunkwriting and in honor of my Varricmance March Madness...

The Crossbow Goes or I Do

Words: 2,104 Rating: Teen Chapter 1/1 Additional Tags: Pre-Relationship, They did their pining, ten years of it apparently, Mutual Pining, Idiots in Love, Mutually Unrequited, Friends to Lovers, Past Bianca Davri/Varric Tethras, Hawke is a menace, Mage Hawke (Dragon Age), Purple Hawke (Dragon Age), Flirting, Banter, POV Varric Tethras, Varric Tethras' Chest Hair, Hurt/Comfort

Summary: Elodie Hawke is a menace that fits just right into Varric's life and keeps him on his toes. After The Incident with misfiring Bianca, Varric knows he'll let her get away with anything....

...except it's hard to let her get away with leaving.

Read on AO3

Varric doesn’t know how The Incident happened.

Well, that’s not strictly accurate. He knows Hawke the way he knows the best ways to sneak around the Guild Hall, where to purchase the good ink, and how much it’ll cost to bribe Corf when Rivaini gets carried away. He’s well aware of what she gets up to when she’s unsupervised.

Hell, usually when she’s supervised too. The woman is a force of nature and they’re just along for the ride.

What does surprise him about The Incident, as it’s known forever after, is how quickly it happened. He swears up and down every time it comes up in conversation afterward he only looks away from Hawke for a moment. One second, he’s peering down at the short story that eventually became his bestselling Hard in Hightown series, the next…

The sound of a bolt rattling into Bianca’s chamber, the whoosh of another flying through the air, followed quickly by his large, ornate, absolutely atrocious dressing mirror shattering into a million pieces.

He’s better off without it. Honestly, the most upsetting part of the whole sequence of events is that he isn’t holding Bianca.

Varric doesn’t look up from his papers. The room is completely quiet.

“Hawke.”

“Varric.”

He appreciates the deadpan delivery of his name. He really does. Odd how quickly Hawke wormed her way into that special, stupid part of his heart that forgives almost anything. She’s barely off the boat at this moment, fresh faced and lively if a bit too hungry looking.

He’s known her for a few months. And, bizarrely, he feels like he’s known her all his life.

“That sounded like Bianca,” he observes, as if he wouldn’t know the way Bianca sounds anywhere.

“Well, that doesn’t make any sense,” Hawke chirps. “Somebody told me that Bianca is a delicate, complicated lady who can only be fired by one specific dwarf who was trained in her secrets by an Antivan Crow whose life the dwarf saved.”

He finally looks up to take in the damage. Mirror shattered, bolt in the wall behind it, and Hawke standing shamelessly in the middle of the room cradling his crossbow.

“Somebody also told you not to touch her,” he adds pointedly.

Hawke grins from ear to ear. “We’ve already established somebody is full of shit.”

He discards his journal and glides back across the room, arms out and a carefully maintained disgruntled look on his features. “Come here, beautiful. What’d she do to you?”

Hawke takes a step back, eyes widening in clear afront. “What did I do to her? Varric, she’s drawn blood!”

“I told you she’s a sensitive lady. Difficult to handle. Little rough around the edges.”

“She’s a menace Varric.” Hawke relinquishes the crossbow and examines her fingers with a wrinkled nose. On her left ring finger is a nice cut, blood welling and dripping down her palm. “Look what she did!”

There’s a smear of crimson on the trigger. He wipes it away with his shirt sleeve. “You got your fingers stuck in the gears. She taught you a lesson about respecting other people’s property.”

“It’s going to scar!”

“Let me send an urgent note down to Darktown for Blondie. He’ll be thrilled to come stitch together your papercut.”

She laughs and puts one palm on the curve of her hip, leaning into his space. “I’m telling you Varric, the crossbow goes or I do.”

Something lurches in his stomach, a hint of fear he doesn’t quite have a name for, a bit of knee jerk panic at the thought of losing the last bit of her he truly has. But Hawke’s joking, Hawke is always joking, he can see the sparkle in her blue eyes and the twitch at the corner of her lips.

He lets his own tip up in the same playfulness. “You better clean up this mess before you go.”

She sighs in defeat and plops her finger between her pink lips, sucking on it thoughtfully while she looks at the chaos she’s caused. Varric spends a second too long examining the way her cheeks hollow around her finger.

He’s only a man, after all, no matter how taken he is.

“How much bad luck is it to break a mirror again?” she asks.

Varric doesn’t believe in human superstitions, or much of anything beyond the worth of his coin or the power of a well-loved lie, but he answers her. “Seven years at least. And just in time for our expedition too.”

Another moment of silence. Then one single, elegant curse. “Bollocks.”

xx

Somehow, Varric gets stuck with the job of keeping Hawke in bed.

Privately, he thinks Blondie must be out to get him for humiliating the mage in more than one card game. Otherwise Varric wouldn’t get saddled with the most impossible job in Kirkwall. Their newly crowned Champion, and what a laugh that is, sits in her opulent bed wearing nothing but the rattiest shirt he’s ever seen. It’s so large it hangs off one freckled shoulder.

Varric wonders if it isn’t one of Carver’s old hand-me-downs. It’s better than thinking Hawke was plucking her nightclothes out of some moldy trunk in Lowtown, anyway.

Her icy eyes glare daggers into him from where she’s propped against the headboard. “Varric, if you don’t help me out of this bed I will chop Bianca into firewood.”

“Remember what happened the last time you got into a tussle with Bianca?” Varric asks, raising his eyebrows.

“I still have the scar!” she protests, trying weakly to push herself up off the bed. The covers slip, revealing the bandages wrapped around Hawke’s waist. Before Anders got his hands on her, bandages like those were the only thing holding Hawke’s guts inside her.

Varric knows. He put them on.

“You’re gonna have a better one now. Comes with a heroic story and everything.” A story where Varric stands, clutching his crossbow, helpless and afraid as a sword pierces Hawke’s body and hoists her off her feet. A story where she summons a fistful of fire to smother the Arishok as she’s impaled on his blade.

Varric’s still covered in a cold sweat and it’s been four days. Andraste’s ass, what would he have done if…?

But it’s not worth thinking about. He can’t face it in this bright bedroom, with Hawke and the mutinous gleam in her eyes. She swings them from his face to the window, her expression wistful.

It tugs at his heartstrings, it really does. Hawke has barely spent a night in this mansion in Hightown since they dragged Leandra’s body from the monster’s pit and held a quiet, solemn funeral at the Chantry. She bunks at a spare cot in Anders’ clinic, crashes on the moldy old chaise in Fenris’ mansion, falls asleep in Merrill’s bed while Daisy sits in front of her damned mirror all night.

But, more often than not, she’s in Varric’s bed and he’s in his armchair. Or she falls asleep in the armchair and refuses to be moved. Varric should complain, it’s ridiculous that he’s sharing one suite of rooms while she’s got a whole damn house, but he doesn’t. He can’t.

He knows what it’s like to live in a mausoleum to the dead.

In truth, Hawke has not come home to stay since it stopped being a home, and now she’s trapped there with her guts shoved back in and a title she could care less for.

“Play a game of Diamondback with me,” he cajoles. “You win, I’ll risk my chest hair and get you into the garden against the doctor’s orders.”

Hawke bites her lip and considers his offer, narrowing her eyes. “You cheat.”

“And if you pay attention, you may learn something to improve your own lackluster technique.” He pulls the cards from his pocket and hops up, in a painfully undignified fashion, onto her ridiculously high bed. The action brings a spark of humor to her gaze.

“I won’t be distracted by your ridiculous cleavage today, serah,” she teases, watching him shuffle the cards. In the brief moment of silence, Varric catches the way she runs her thumb over her finger, tracing the small silver scar Bianca left all those years ago. It’s a habit he’s noticed with fondness when she’s plotting, and it should worry him to see her scheming…

But honestly, he’d rather have her scarred and scheming than not have her at all.

xx

They stand on the docks with the world on fire around them when Varric finally runs out of things to say.

There’s a joke here... somewhere. He struggles to find it while Hawke stares over his head at the ruined landscape of Kirkwall. He could say something about how she sure knows how to make an exit, but the thought of her exit sticks in his throat, deep in his chest.

Kirkwall without Hawke makes no sense. Varric without Hawke makes no sense, and when did that happen?

She’s leaving and he’s staying. It’s what they need to do. She’ll be free as a bird to ignite the revolution she’s become the figurehead of, thanks to Blondie, and he’ll be here to confuse and confound the authorities while he tries to put his home back together.

But, somehow, it feels like his home is about to get on Isabela’s ship.

“Look on the bright side, Varric.” He looks up into Hawke’s face. She’s got her best Champion smile plastered on, the one that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “We’ve almost burned through those seven years of bad luck, right?”

The mirror. Her face without the wrinkles of worry at the corner of her eyes, on her forehead, Bianca in her arms and a smile on her face. Varric’s chest constricts painfully.

The Hanged Man is gone. Hawke is leaving. All he’s got is Bianca on his back and a pile of trouble again.

“You’ll always have the scar though,” he jokes weakly.

She looks down at her hands. Varric wonders if she can see blood on them, even though she’s done everything she could have. The scar from her run in from Bianca is merely a thin white line across her finger, but his eyes go there immediately.

He doesn’t know what possesses him, but it feels right to snatch that hand out of the air. Long fingers curl immediately over his leather gloves and her blue eyes flick to his face.

It’s a bad idea, but he’s too committed to stop now. He brings her knuckles to his lips like she’s a fairytale princess instead of the biggest menace he’s ever known, like he’s a knight instead of a cheating scoundrel. His lips brush over that thin scar softly before he pulls away, looking up into Hawke’s eyes.

She swallows, hard, and Varric swears he sees tears in her eyes behind a watery smile. Varric’s words are still missing, lost somewhere in the rubble around them, but he has to try. “Hawke-”

She pulls her hand from his and drops it to the side. “Well Varric,” she begins behind her brittle smile. “I’ve been telling you for years. That crossbow goes or I do.”

For a brief, insane moment Varric considers slinging his beloved Bianca over his shoulder and into the harbor. It passes just as Hawke stoops to envelop him in her too long arms. He just catches her whisper. “I’ll miss you.”

“Yeah,” Varric swallows his own bitter emotion. “Me too, Elodie.”

That makes her laugh and lightly punch his shoulder as she withdraws. He barely gets a look at her tearstained face before she flees up the gangplank and onto the boat, leaving him bereft.

“If you were waiting for an opportune moment, you have missed it,” Fenris remarks acidicly behind him.

Varric ignores the remark and the ridiculous insinuation behind it as Fenris appears in his line of sight. His love life is complicated enough, after all. “I can afford to let her go, she doesn’t owe me five sovereigns.”

The familiar, immediate refrain is almost comforting. “I’m good for it.”

Varric huffs a small, broken laugh. “No you’re not.”

“You are not incorrect,” Fenris finally admits. The elf casts a look behind him for a moment before adjusting the pack over his shoulder. “I wish you well, my friend.”

The bastard has enough decency not to add Varric will need it. “Watch her back, Broody.”

“I will attempt to do so,” Fenris murmurs, shoving past him. “Although nobody does it as well as you.”

Varric watches him go with a heavy weight in his stomach.

That is exactly what he’s afraid of.

[tabriscadash]

I was asked this on my old blog right as I set about transitioning to this one, so...

The first character I ever fell in love with: for DA:O, dare I say Daveth? What can I say -- I irrationally got incredibly attached to him. otherwise, DEFINITELY Morrigan, and I have crystal clear memories of my first run through Lothering and looking at Morrigan like 😍 the whole time. For DA:2/E, Carver -- unless you count Anders & Justice since I knew of them from Awakening beforehand, in which case probably Justice. For DA:I, it’s a toss-up between Vivienne or Cole -- I technically liked Cole first but SPECIFICALLY in the supporting material (Asunder), and didn’t vibe with him anywhere near as much in the game, AND I got him as a companion after I got Vivienne, so probably Vivienne.

A character that I used to love/like, but now do not: for DA:O, I guess Oghren? I never loved him, but I liked the idea of him because I really liked the dwarves/Orzammar side of DA’s worldbuilding -- but he’s such an unlikeable character that I just.. don’t vibe with him at all. I debate recruiting him every single time now, and I don’t think I ever do his personal quest (in the base game OR Awakening). for DA:2/E, I don’t really have anyone that fits -- but I REALLY wanted to like Merrill and Aveline more than I did, and especially in Aveline’s case, I can’t stand her and genuinely think she’s the unintended, secret Big Bad of the whole game. for DA:I, probably Cole, bc I was really into the idea of a little walking-corpse serial killer animated by a spirit as per the book, but that’s not really the vibe in DA:I, and combined with the somewhat patronising/ableist language and how significantly he is infantilised (including by the fandom) I just got put off him. I do still like him, but not as much.

A ship that I used to love/like, but now do not: for DA:O, I don’t really have one? I guess see my DA:I answer, lol... for DA:2/E, has to be Anders - I don’t think he’s OOC in 2, but I think his writing does so little with him and he feels v. reductive. Where his relationship could be SO interesting and angsty, it instead is written in a really dull and/or cringey way. It would have been nice to see Anders more like the Anders of Awakening near the beginning of the game (rather than random, infrequent and questionably rare snippets), and then see the progression of his relationship with Justice as the game went on -- I want more interesting abominations, PLEASE. for DA:I, listen I cannot express to you HOW EXCITED I was for my planned Lavellan to romance Sera… also I used to be way more tolerant of Cullen x Amell/Surana ships because, like, hey dark ships are fun, right? But since Cullen’s ~wholesome whitewash~ in DA:I, and his fandom clamouring to absolve him of any wrongdoing ever.. it’s boring to me.

My ultimate favourite character™: for DA:O, probably Sten? or Morrigan. They’re both fantastic, and also are significant comfort chars for me. for DA:2/3, honestly, probably my own Hawke -- I feel so hugely proud of her, and can’t imagine I’d enjoy the game anywhere near as much had I not played it as my Hawke. If not her, maybe Sebastian or Carver? for DA:I, I really love Vivienne, as well as Blackwall, and Solas is a great character even if I probably would not say I liked him.

Prettiest character: for DA:O, we all know it’s Zevran. for DA:2/E, I think Aveline -- although her aggressively bland colour-scheme lets her down in a major way (although I respect her dedication to all orange all day every day). There’s just something about her arms -- very Abby from TLOU:2. for DA:I, maybe Josephine? Ser Barris is very pretty, too...

My most hated character: for DA:O, I really didn’t like Alistair, Wynne and Oghren, and of my companions - Oghren is probably my least favourite. He’s vulgar and also profoundly uninteresting. for DA:2/E, it has to be Aveline. There’s just something about ineptitude and a complete, wilful refusal to take accountability for your actions that I can’t stand. It would be okay if it was an intentional character flaw, but the game/narrative treats her like she’s lawful good and it really annoys me. for DA:I, maybe Iron Bull? He was a huge disappointment for me. I also really dislike Sera, Cassandra, and Varric. I’m so sick of Varric - I never want to see him again.

My OTP: for DA:O, I really loved Zevran’s romance -- but I am also very amused by the fact that Leliana got to ‘love’ status with Kallian accidentally, AND I got the ‘love’ glitch for Justice (👀) and Velanna. I do sometimes wonder about an AU where Kallian is forced to make a politically expedient marriage with Nathaniel Howe for diplomatic reasons in order to consolidate her position as Arlessa, and it being an entirely platonic arrangement (it’s not like anyone expects an heir from an infertile Grey Warden) -- and maybe Zev and Nate kiss sometimes, who knows? I also LOVE my Darkspawn Chronicles AU where Kallian and Nelaros are a happy, married couple each hiding their skills with weapons from each other like dumb, cute sweethearts. They shelter Zevran when he fails to kill Alistair and a poly couple evolves. for DA:2/E, I love the IDEA of a Seb romance that isn’t so strictly conditional around the structures that abused him -- he should be allowed to love, chastely or otherwise, but free from the Chantry OR his position as prince/heir. I’d LOVE to actually have a romance with him where you can actually challenge the abuse he’s experienced. for DA:I, Malika doesn’t have a canon romance (although I think when I replay, I’m going to romance Josephine!) but I think Blackwall has an amazing romance. Solas’ is also iconic, it must be said. 

My NOTP: for DA:O, I really dislike Alistair in a shipping capacity; he’s immature and says a lot of misogynistic shit and I don’t think he’s the worst for it, but I don’t really vibe with shipping him, having played the game as a female city elf. for DA:2/E, I wouldn’t say I have one, particularly? although I really dislike Aveline’s relationship with her husband simply because it seems incredibly inappropriate, given that they work together and she has power over him -- and because I dislike her, generally, I don’t feel inclined to do something nice for her. for DA:I, I suppose Sera/Lavellan -- although I’m not AGAINST it, it just really isn’t for me, having attempted it. I also don’t really vibe with Dorian x Iron Bull. Something abt the way the game handled BDSM and their relationship banter specifically I don’t really like.

Favourite episode quest: for DA:O, probs Orzammar/the Deep Roads. I really love the dwarven lore! and, of course, Fort Drakon is really funny, even though it’s not canon in my game iirc. for DA:2/E, maybe the murder mystery with the serial killer, where ultimately Leandra dies? I also really enjoyed all the companion quests. for DA:I, The Descent (just, all of it, lmao) and everything to do with the Avvar. Crestwood also BANGED.

Saddest death: for DA:O, it’s frankly a fucking INJUSTICE that Shianni gets murdered if you make her Bann of the Alienage -- the idea of that happening whilst Kallian is in Amaranthine and unable to protect her :( genuinely very upsetting. I go back and forth on who is made Bann, tbf, so idk how canonical it is: I think maybe Cyrion would get it, but I’m also endeared to Soris holding the position, with Shianni as Hahren. for DA:2/E, Bethany. I wish both twins had had the chance to reach Kirkwall :(. Let Leandra die instead. for DA:I, maybe not the saddest death, but the most memorable for me was that one sleeping dragon in the Hissing Wastes.. leave her alone. Stay out of a womans’ business.

Favourite season game: DA:O!

Least favourite season game: DA:I.

Character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but I hate: for DA:O, Alistair. I cannot deal with his complacency and hypocrisy. for DA:2, I really disliked Merrill but I honestly cannot remember why. DEFINITELY Varric -- I hated how the game forces you to be his best friend, and if you’re low approval, you have to endure these pointless pissy little comments with this little anti-dwarf centrist pissant. After the expedition, I literally have no reason to put up with him, and I NEVER take him out. I hate that he plays the same role in DA:I, too. for DA:I, the Iron Bull was hugely disappointing, and I also really don’t vibe with Cassandra. She just seems very wishy-washy and complacent and hypocritical, and many of her comments about other cultures seem snide for literally no reason other than bigotry. 

My ‘you’re a piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: for DA:O, lbr probably Sten. Mans is gonna launch a HORRIFYING invasion in the next game iirc and frankly, I’m ok with it. Just wanna see that big bastard again ❤🥵. for DA:2/E, I LOVE Gamlen, ok? for DA:I, I am not sure if I have one.

My ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: for DA:O, if any of you so much as LOOK at Velanna wrong, it’s hands. That includes Bioware. I also feel incredibly protective of and sad for Morrigan. for DA:2/E, probably Sebastian -- I feel so sad for him, and so frustrated by the limitations with the game. for DA:I, I’m honestly not sure.. maybe Josephine? I don’t really feel this way about Sera, but I do think she deserves better from the game and its writing, and also from fandom: there are valid criticisms of her, but the hate she gets is not proportional to any valid issues with her -- and gee, I wonder why that is.

My ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship: for DA:O, I did use to find Cullen x Surana/Amell intriguing as a dark ship -- I actually hc that Neria Surana is actually Nelaros’ sister, and have dabbled with it as a dark ship. I also am interested in Loghain/Alistair - which each pretends the other is someone else. Alistair is wooby, hate ships are, in general, fun -- so long as we acknowledge that they are, indeed, unhealthy ships. for DA:2/E, I kind of feel like Sebastian romances are, invariably, kind of dark... and, similarly, Anders romances -- especially with certain red Hawkes, The way it ends is, invariably, bordering on fucked up. ALSO Hawkecest is weird and wonderful: GET WITH IT. 

My ‘they’re kind of cute, and I lowkey ship them, but I’m not too invested’ ship: for DA:O, I joked about Velanna x Leliana once and I’ve not been able to stop thinking about it ever since… Velanna x Sigrun is also something that can be so personal. Ariane x Finn is adorable and are paid DUST by Bioware AND fandom. I actually am really into Anora x Nathaniel & NO I will NOT explain myself; it’s a crackship but it’s MY crackship. for DA:2/E, Isabela x Fenris is super cute, but I don’t pay enough attention to them to really have super committed thoughts & feelings on them. for DA:I, Blackwall x Josephine is cute as a background ship; I also think Maryden x Cole is sweet.

[loveisblindfanfictionbka]

Love Is Blind: Chapter Twenty-One

“So.. what do you think?” Robyn asked as she slowly turned in a circle. Leandra stood up and walked around her a bit before standing back with her hands on her hips, “I love it. We’ll get your hair done and you should be ready for tonight.”

“I don’t even know why I let you talk me into this. This isn’t our first date, you know.”

“No but it is your first date since you’ve been given a somewhat clean bill of health. You should get all dressed up. It’s been weeks, Robs.”

“I don’t even know where we’re going.”

“Does that really matter? You are going out with your husband, don’t worry so much.”

“Boyfriend. We are not married.”

“You could be if you’d stop playing.”

“You will not start with me too. I get enough of it from my mother and Melissa.”

“They aren’t totally wrong. I don’t see what the hold up is.”

“There isn’t a hold up. He hasn’t even proposed to me.”

“Would you say yes if he did?”

“I honestly don’t know.”

“How don’t you know?”

“Just what I say. I don’t know. I love him but that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m ready to go down the marriage road with him again either.”

“I mean neither of you really gave your marriage a fighting chance beyond that first year. This could really be a clean slate for the both of you.”

“We’ll never have a clean slate and I’m not saying that in a bad way but it’s just realistic. There’s no need to delude ourselves into believing our past will be forgotten. We’ve moved past it and gotten this far in spite of it but it still happened.”

“Then if you moved past it, why the concern?”

“Because I’m not ready to go there. It’s a really simple concept.”

Leandra scoffed, “whatever you say.”

Robyn went back into the dressing room to change back into her clothes. 

                                     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Daddy, why can’t we go with you and Mommy?” Anesa asked as Chris started packing her overnight bag.

“Well Sweetheart, this is a grown up date. We took you and Christian with us the other night for a family date,” Chris replied.

“Yea but I wanna go on this one too.”

Chris chuckled, “Baby Girl, sometimes Mommy and Daddy need alone time. It’s just one night, you’ll be back home tomorrow.”

“I guess.”

“You don’t have to look so sad, Love Bug. What’s going on with you? You’ve been wanting to be under us more than usual. Did something happen?”

“No.”

“I don’t think you’re being truthful with me, Anesa. Come here.”

Chris sat down on her bed and Anesa climbed into his lap, “talk to me.”

“I just want to make sure you and Mommy stay friends.”

“When were we not friends, Nesa?”

“A little while ago when y’all weren’t talking.”

“Sweetheart, we were still friends then too. Listen, in relationships, sometimes things happen and it takes some time to adjust. Mommy and I were in an adjustment period especially since we had just had your little brother and Mommy was still very sick and recovering. You gotta give time for things to become normal, that’s all.”

“I thought you didn’t love each other anymore.”

“Awww….I will always love your Mommy. You never have to worry about that.”

“Promise?”

“I promise. There’s nothing going on with me and your Mommy that should ever be cause for concern, ok?”

“Ok.”

“Good. So go get your Teddy bear and put it in your bag so you don’t forget like you did last time.”

“Yes Daddy.”

“I don’t know, Le. This seems like a bit much,” Robyn remarked as she twisted in front of her mirror and the screen of her laptop.

“I know he said something casual but that doesn’t mean it has to be basic.”

“But look at my legs.”

“Your legs look incredible as does your ass. Bitches pay for a body like that. Thick is it, Baby Girl.”

“Whatever.”

“You are being way too hard on yourself and for no reason. You look good and I am not just saying that because we’re friends. You’ve lived in sweatpants and leggings for the last few months, enjoy being womanly and enjoy those curves, you earned them. Postpartum done turned my fashionista into a damn bummy tomboy. No go.”

“I did not look  bummy.”

“Bitch, you definitely do. Perfect size 14 hidden under them baggy ass clothes and Chris’s hoodies. You looked homeless as hell.”

“Ugh….the disrespect.”

“It’s the truth. Go out with your man in that little ass skirt, do whatever then drop your pussy on his face for good measure. You deserve it.”

“Why are you so vulgar?”

“Why are you so scary?”

“I am not scared.”

“You definitely are. We have never had to talk you into a dress or getting your hair and nails done. That was always your thing so get back to it. Part of getting back to normal is getting back to loving yourself. I know you may look different but different isn’t necessarily bad, you know. You’re still standing, celebrate that.”

“Pregnancy always did make you all cerebral.”

“Girl shut up. All this baby is making me do is pee all the damn time.”

Robyn laughed, “I love you, Le.”

“Good but I need you to love you too, ok?”

“I’m working on it.”

“Good. Now go sit on your man’s face or something.”

“Bye Nasty.”

“You love me, Sis.”

Robyn ended the video call then took one more look at herself in the mirror. She really didn’t look bad at all. SHe grabbed her purse and left out into the living room. Chris was leaning against the back of the couch with his arms folded. The colors in her skirt gave their ensembles the only lift of color as Chris was dressed in black from head to toe. He looked good.

“Hey Babe,” she said softly.”

“Hey. You look amazing.”

“Thank you. So do you.”

“Thanks. You ready?”

“Yup. We can head out.”

“Next time tell Leandra to stop talking so loud.”

Robyn’s eyes widened, “Oh my god, you heard that.”

“I heard enough.”

“How much?”

Chris smirked as he pressed up behind her and leaned close to her ear to whisper, “I do plan on you sitting on my face at some point tonight.”

“Chris.”

“Uh uh, we’re not talking about it. We have a date to get to,” he moved to open the front door, “after you, Ms. Fenty.”

“Where in the world do you get these ideas of things to do?” Robyn asked as she lifted a smock over her head. Chris carefully tied it in the back of her before they followed their host to a gathering of tables. They were set up in sets of two, each table facing the other.

“Well this idea is actually something you mentioned years ago and when I was thinking of where to take you for our date that wasn’t super serious, pottery sounded good.”

“I mentioned this before?”

“Yea, back in college if memory serves me correct.”

“Do you always remember everything?”

“The good things, I try.”

“Hmm…:”

Chris helped Robyn sit down at the pottery wheel in front of him before he sat down at the one on the other side, “is this ok?”

“This is great. I’m surprised I don’t remember that conversation.”

“You really don’t?”

“No. I suppose there’s some things I’ve blocked out over the years, good and bad.”

“Wasn’t expecting that.”

“Why?”

“The bad stuff I get but our dating never seemed that forgettable.”

“I didn’t say it was forgettable, I said I blocked some things out. Big difference. We knew each other too well back then, hard to move forward focusing so much on the past especially with our past being so entwined with each other. Good memories are sometimes harder to deal with than bad ones.”

“Why do you say that?”

“The desire for them to reoccur always comes with them.”

Chris nodded his head in agreement, “now that I understand but that doesn’t seem like a bad thing.”

“If things ended good, of course not but we originally didn’t.”

“Very true. You really wanted to forget me.”

“Forgetting you meant I could rebuild my life. It just didn’t turn out that way.”

“And now?”

“Now is now. I’m happy. I have a great relationship and beautiful babies, I couldn’t ask for anything better.”

“Are you scared to want anything more?”

“Scared? No. Cautious? Absolutely.”

“Hmm…”

“I spent a lot of years assuming, I’m walking into this eyes open.”

“But you still don’t trust what you see.”

“I trust what I see and what I feel. I don’t trust my processing of it, just yet.”

“I can understand that.”

“Are you putting out feelers for something?”

“Nope, just having a conversation. So what do you want to make?”

“I think a bowl should be easy. You?”

“I’m thinking a vase.”

“Sounds a little complicated.”

“I think I can handle it.”

“So….did I offend you earlier?” Robyn asked as she took a bite of her steak. She returned her fork to her plate as she took a sip of water. Chris glanced up at her then shook his head, “No. Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know, just asking.”

“There was nothing to be offended about. We both had our own ways of making it past our divorce, that’s nothing abnormal.”

“Oh ok.”

“Tonight has had a weird line of questioning, are you putting feelers out for something?”

“No.”

“You sure? I know your family thinks I’m gonna propose to you soon.”

“They’ve been thinking that ever since they found out we were each other’s internet friend.”

“Ah. That doesn't concern you?”

“Why would it concern me? It’s not I’m just gonna fall in line with it just because it’s what they expect.”

“And what do you think I expect?”

“I have no idea and no desire to speculate. Do you want to propose to me?”

“I’ve told you before I wanted to marry you again.”

“Ok but do you want to put that into action?”

“Are you worried that every time I take you out there’s a possible proposal around the corner?”

“No but should I be?”

Chris laughed, “Robyn, when I’m ready to propose, there will be no question or wondering about it. I’m not gonna tell you beforehand but you’ll know what my intent is.”

“Ok.”

“That’s it? Just ok?”

“What else am I supposed to say? You know my stance on marriage, my concerns about some secret proposal have been clarified, there’s nothing else to say.”

“Does the idea of marriage scare you?”

“No but the idea of marriage has scarred me. I’m not ready mentally or emotionally for it so I don’t think about it unless somebody brings it up which tends to be every time I talk to Melissa or my mother.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for? You’re not the one bringing it up.”

“I know but I feel indirectly responsible.”

“Listen, you love me. I love you. We have family who unfortunately don’t know how to mind their business but we love them anyway. It comes with the territory.”

“It doesn’t have to. I can ask them to stop.”

“Not necessary.”

“Are you sure?”

“Very sure.”

They both fell silent and continued to eat their dinner. After the waiter carried away their empty plates, Chris took a sip of water and sat back in his seat. Robyn’s brow furrowed as she mimicked his movement, “what’s on your mind?”

“What makes you think something is?”

“I know your body language and you’re thinking about something.”

“Are you ever gonna officially move in with me?”

“I thought I did already.”

“You still have your apartment downtown though.”

“Chris, I moved my stuff out of there and into storage six weeks ago.”

“What?”

Robyn laughed, “That’s why I went down there for a weekend. I sold whatever furniture I could and put the rest of my stuff in storage. I thought you knew.”

“No, we never talked about it. I just remember asking if you had heard back on the buying price for your apartment, you said no and that was it. Where is it in storage at?”

“In Middletown. There’s a place about 20 minutes from the house.”

“We can get it out of there. You know I have a storage building on the property.”

“I know.”

“All this time I thought you were deciding on whether to leave or not.”

“If I was going to leave, it would’ve been months ago. I’ve been at your house since the beginning of my second trimester, Christian is going on six months old. That’s almost a year, Babe.”

Chris chuckled, “I really didn’t know how to approach you about it without seeming like I was being pushy.”

“You could’ve asked me. I didn’t want to assume that I could store my stuff at your house so I got my own thing, that’s all.”

“Well then I guess my next question won’t seem so weird then.”

“What?”

“You wanna redecorate?”

“Why? Do you want me to?”

“I want you to feel at home and there’s not much of anything that’s yours there except for you, your clothes, and our babies.” 

“Chris, have you ever heard me mention any of that?”

“No but I also didn’t know whether you wanted to stay or not either.”

“True. Honestly, we could just put some pictures up or whatever and that should be fine.”

“Are you sure? I want it to feel like it’s your house too.”

“It’s fine besides now that I’m back to work, we’ll only be there on the weekends right?”

“Yea but that doesn’t change my sentiments. We have to update the condo then too.”

“How about we take some family photos, blow them up and use it as art, make it feel more like our homes and not just yours?”

“Works for me.”

“I’ll have to check Melissa’s schedule and see when she can do it.”

“Ok.”

“Now I have a question for you.”

“What?”

“Did you really hear my entire conversation with Leandra?”

“Every bit of it.”

Robyn laughed, “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“Because she can be a bit much.”

“It’s fine. I didn’t disagree with anything that she said.”

“But what if I do?”

“OK then what do you disagree with?”

“Sex being the center of our evening.”

“We’ve been out since 6 and it’s going on 9, has it been the center of our evening?”

“No.”

“Have I brought up sex at any point tonight since we left the house?”

“No.”

“So,what’s your point?”

“I was just saying.”

“Robyn, I know you. I don’t have to seduce you as cocky as that seems. I don't have to do anything to charm you out of your panties because if you want to give them to me, you will.”

“I’m not that easy.”

“No but you are that stubborn. You will push back just to do it even if it goes against what you really want to do. I cannot claim you unless you want me to. I cannot seduce you unless you want me to. And I also can’t get you to sit on my face unless you want to. There is absolutely nothing easy about you and as frustrating as it is, it is also the sexiest thing about you.”

“You lie.”

Chris chuckled, “why would I have to? You have made me work to have you since the day I met you. No amount of time will change that about you.I’ve always loved that about you.”

“You just called me stubborn, Christopher.”

“And at no point did I say it was a bad thing, did I?”

“I guess not.”

“So, my only plan was to ask you, Robyn, would you like to have sex with me?”

“Here we are once again,” Robyn said a light chuckle as she sat on the edge of the bed and kicked her shoes off her feet.

“You really didn’t have to rent a room, Christopher.”

“Special occasions deserve a special atmosphere.”

“For someone who claims to not be trying to seduce me, you sure are trying to seduce me.”

Chris chuckled as he unbuttoned his shirt and tossed it over the armchair beside the dresser, “The flowers are because I love you. The candles are to make it smell good.”

“And the massage oil?”

“That’s to make sure you still feel good once we’re done.”

“So that’s not for before?”

“No, definitely for after.”

“Hmm...what exactly do you plan to do to me?”

“What do you want me to do to you?”

Chris began removing his pants as Robyn leaned back on her hands to watch, “are you going to get undressed?”

“You can do it once you’re finished with yourself.”

“No taking charge here?”

“I’ll take charge later.”

Chris smirked as he leaned against the door. Robyn sat up, “you’re staring at me, just like last time. What is it?”

“Nothing. Just looking.”

“You make me nervous when you do that.”

“Why?”

“You know why.”

“If I did, I wouldn’t ask.”

“Do you really wanna get all serious at this moment?”

“This moment was already serious. Any time I spend with you is important and serious. So what did you mean by I make you nervous?”

“This is the first time I’ve gotten dressed up in almost a year.”

“I know.”

“So...”

“Robyn, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, you’re beautiful no matter what to me. I wish I could make you believe that.”

“I’m trying.”

“Good and today was a great first step. I’ve missed seeing those legs in heels.”

Robyn giggled, “what you trying to say?”

“That you’ve been dressing like you’re auditioning for Set It Off.”

Robyn’s mouth dropped open as she tossed a pillow at him, “Babe!”

“It’s true. You’ve been wearing boxers for months and since that is a one hell of a skirt, I can see that tonight you’re not. I’m impressed.”

“I don’t know whether to be flattered or insulted.”

“It is definitely a compliment. I know it wasn’t easy for you because you don’t quite feel comfortable yet so I do appreciate any effort you take to get back outside your box.”

“I didn’t even realize I was in a box.”

“You’ve been through a lot especially over the last six months, it’s gonna take some time to get you back in your high heels and short dresses but we’ll get there.”

“You sound so sure.”

“Because I am. If there is anyone that can pull themselves out of a rut, it’s you. You dealt with my moody, screwed up ass for three years, this is a piece of a cake.”

“Well that’s true.”

Chris pressed his hand to his chest in mock shock and Robyn laughed, “you said it, I was just agreeing.”

“I like that sound.”

“What sound?”

“You. Laughing. You sound happy.”

“I am happy. Tonight was great even though you still haven’t brought your half-naked self over here yet”

Chris chuckled, “I like committing this view to memory.”

He walked over to the bed and Robyn lifted her leg to press her foot into his chest, “what you doing?”

“You really have to ask? I kind of wish you kept your shoes on.”

“Why?”

“So I could take them off you myself.”

“Hmm...so how you feeling tonight?”

“I’m feeling like we both just go with the flow tonight,” Chris grabbed her foot and placed a kiss on her ankle, “what about you?”

“Whatever you want, I’m here for it.”

“Can I kiss my girlfriend?”

“Wherever and whenever you want.”

Chris grinned and leaned down to kiss her lips, “I love you.”

“I love you too, Baby.”

                                     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Aaah! Christopher, stop it,” Robyn screeched laughingly.

Chris grabbed her around her waist and pressed against her, “stop making all that noise. You gonna wait up the whole floor.”

“Then you get from behind me. You play too much.”

“Who said I was playing?”

“Chris, we have to get home to our children.”

“Our children are with their aunt. They will be fine, besides we have this room for a few more hours and I want to enjoy them.”

“Baby.”

“Look, we’re not even dressed yet.”

“Actually my shirt and skirt are on.”

“Minor technicalities.”

“Christopher.”

Chris leaned in and nipped at the skin of her neck. He murmured, “why you acting like this?”

“Because we’re never gonna make it out of here if you start again.”

“We will. I promise.”

He carefully opened the top buttons of her shirt to kiss her shoulder and collarbone, “I can’t walk out of here like this.”

Robyn moaned softly and bit down on her lip as he kissed along the swell of her breast, “Why are you so damn irresistible?”

“I’m good at this.”

Chris hiked up her skirt, sat her on the edge of the dresser then carefully slid into the wet crevice.

“Oh God,” Robyn gritted out, “You are too good at this.”

He rocked inside her slowly, to keep from moving the furniture against the wall. Robyn’s nails dug into his shoulder blades as she pressed her head against his. Chris gripped her thighs and gently pushed them apart as he sank deeper into her. He nibbled at the swell of her breast before moving his lips to her neck. He could feel her legs trembling and her walls tightening but he didn’t want her to cum just yet, not without him. He pulled out, leaving only the tip in and Robyn let out a sigh against his skin, “I was close.”

“I know. That’s why I pulled out.”

“We don’t have time for you to play.”

“We have time for anything we want to do. You know I never rush.”

He pushed back into her and she groaned out loud. Flexing her walls against his shaft, she attempted to hold him in but he slid back out then pushed back inside. Hard. 

“Christopher,” she murmured.

He kept kissing on her neck, nibbled at her earlobe and caressed her thighs as he gently pulled out then kept pushing back in. She could feel her orgasm just teetering on the edge. Her skin felt like it was burning up. She trailed her nails in the sweat glistening on his back. He finally picked up the pace but he pulled her away from the dresser and held her up in mid air. He continued to bounce her against his pelvis, her skirt bunched above her waist, her shirt hanging off her shoulders. Her hair sticking to her skin. She wrapped her arms around his neck to anchor herself. He dug his fingers into her thighs to hold her steady then whispered one word in her ear,

“Come.”

Chris stopped moving as he watched her orgasm wash over her face. It was never violent or exaggerated. She always came in a gentle manner. Her eyes closed. Her chest heaved for a few seconds then slowed. Her body went lax against him, her face pressed against his head. It was his favorite part of them coming together. He wished he could bottle that feeling somehow, so she could feel that way at will. As her body released against him, the peace in her movements, her face was all he ever wanted to remember. 

[cantletgofanfic]

One.

*Laid to Rest*

Leandra

*Week Later*

    "Babe, ya alarm has been going off for a minute now," he complained through his sleep. I'd been letting it go off for the past 10 minutes without hitting the snooze button because honestly I'm not ready for this day & what it has to bring moving forward. Funerals ain't for me & I vowed on the day of my mother's funeral I would never attend one again, but here we are.

"Sorry," I mumbled, wiping the tears that managed to slip from my eyes just thinking about it. Grabbing my phone from under my pillow I turned the sound off returning the room back to it's silent state. Flipping the covers off my body I sat up throwing my feet off the bed watching as they dangled & swung back and forth. Feeling my eyes water yet again I looked up at the ceiling trying my best to hold them back but failed miserably as they streamed down my face.

Losing Tre brings a different type of pain I didn't even feel when my mom died & I know it sounds bad but with her I guess I was just more prepared. Her fight with cancer made it easier to accept her death even though it hurt like hell to lose her, but with Tre I'm still hurt, angry, & confused by it. I just knew he was invincible so I never thought this day would come, but life has its way of humbling you and the people around you. I'm heartbroken & I'll never feel whole again because they took half of me away when they pulled that trigger. I'm just happy he knows that King & I loved him through it all.

"Babe," Dom yelled, scaring me out of my thoughts.

"Yea," I answered looking back at him wiping my face. He breathed out sitting up in the bed next to me & wrapped his arms around my shoulders pulling me in.

"Talk to me babe. You haven't said much since you got the news & that's not good." he said rubbing my back. It's true, I haven't really opened up to anyone & I've been moving like everything is fine when it's not.

"I'm fine babe, I just wanna get this day over with. You good?" I asked looking over at him he nodded.

"If I'm being honest babe this shit is hitting me. That was my dog at one point & I know for the sake of keeping you happy time would've got us back to that," he paused, shaking his head as a tear rolled down his cheek.

"I just wish it would've happened sooner," I sighed hugging him. I was shocked to say the least but it does feel good to know despite their beef Dom does feel a way about Tre's death. I just wish hearing him open up would make me but for some reason I can't.

"Thank you babe for telling me that, & for just being here," I said wiping his tears he nodded.

"I'm gon always be here babe & I ain't gon pressure you but when you are ready to talk just know I'm here," he said I nodded.

"I know babe, it's just I don't even know where to begin & I appreciate all you've been doing for me this past week, trying to make things better," I paused grabbing his hands.

"But if I'm being honest my main focus right now is King. He's gonna need me more than anything & I'm gon always make sure he's good," I said he nodded

"Yea but who's gonna make sure you're good?" he questioned staring at me.

"I'll be fine babe I promise & when I'm not you'll be the first to know," I assured him he nodded as I stood to my feet & walked towards the door.

"Where you going?" he asked me, "To check on King, make sure he's up & getting ready," I informed him.

"Aight Ima go shower," he said I nodded. Turning on my heels he grabbed my hand and pulled me back into him.

"You know I got you right?" he asked, looking down on me.

"Yea, but right now babe you need to get a toothbrush," I joked, making him bust out laughing.

"You really tryna play me right now, yours ain't to fresh either yuck mouth," he teased as we laughed

"It's good to see you smile," he said interlocking our hands.

"Thank you," I said kissing his lips before walking out the room.

Knocking on King's door I waited a few seconds hearing him shuffle around in his room before knocking again only this time cracking the door open poking my head in.

"King," I called out opening the door to see him on the phone & proceeded to walk in.

"Yea," he answered with the phone to his ear.

"You ain't hear me knock?" I asked, he placed his finger up silencing me. I sucked my teeth waving him off and plopped down on his bed. He took the phone off his ear and placed it on speaker revealing my dad's voice.

"Is Lena with you?" I heard him ask

"Yea she just walked in," King answered, I sighed standing to my feet and walked over to where he stood. I wasn't expecting my dad to call so soon, I mean this is about to send me on another emotional roller coaster I'm not ready for.

"Baby girl you there?" he asked

"Yea, hey pops," I greeted fanning my eyes before the waterworks began.

"How you feeling?" he asked me, "I'm okay," I paused as my voice cracked.

"C'mon baby clean them tears up, you gon have me in here crying," he said, making us laugh a bit.

"I'm sorry pops, I just wish you were here for this," I expressed. I can't even imagine what my dad is going through right now. From being locked up, to losing his wife while away & now losing his first born, it's a fucked up cycle I wish he didn't have to endure.

"I wish I was there too & I'm sorry I'm not," he paused as his voice cracked.

"I just wanted to call and check on y'all see how yall are doing,"

"I'm okay pops, it's just hard to believe this day is actually here you know?" I questioned

"Yea I know & it's unfortunate it had to be Tre," he sighed

"How are you dad?" King asked him

"Honestly I'm not good, I'm taking this shit hard especially since I'm not there for y'all the way I should be. I'm trying everything in my power to come home cause I'll be damned if something else happens that I can't control," he paused taking a deep breath

"Losing your mother with me being in here and now Tre, I can't take this shit. I need and want y'all to do & be better than what we were. I'm sorry I couldn't be a better example because look at where we are now?" his voice shook, by this time we were all in tears. It hurts hearing my dad talk like this and blame himself because I couldn't have asked for a better person to be my dad. If it wasn't for him & everything he taught us we wouldn't have shit so I don't fault him for anything.

"This ain't on you though pops," King spoke through tears. "Except it is King, had I made better life choices Tre wouldn't be dead,"

"It's not pop & you don't know that I mean look at where we're from," King paused wiping his face.

"This is on the nigga who decided to pull that trigger. We couldn't have asked for a better dad, you did everything right regardless of where you're at right now so please don't blame yourself because we don't blame you," he said as the automated voice suddenly interrupted reminding us we have 2 minutes left of our call. These timed calls are a bitch.

"Look I love y'all & give Tre all my love," he said

"We love you too pops,"

"Aight, I'll call y'all later," he said before hanging up.

"You good?" I asked. He nodded his head, running his hands down his face.

"Yea I'm straight sis, what about you?" he asked me I nodded grabbing his hand

"You know I love you right?" I asked him, he chuckled, shaking his head.

"Yea, I love you too sis,"

"All this shit is the reason Tre & I have been so hard on you to stay focused on school, ball, & your music," I reminded him.

"I know that Lena & I will but now I also gotta step up, something Tre also stayed on me for, so just know I got you Lena. I got us." he said confusing me. Hearing him talk like that only meant one thing & I'm not having that shit. I'll be damned if King gets caught up in The Mob lifestyle.

From the moment I found out my mom was pregnant with King I was connected at the hip & when she gave birth couldn't nobody tell me shit, he's really my son. I've been so protective over him for not only my sake but his too, he's his own man of course but he's the perfect mix of both my dad & Tre and that's what scares me the most. Joining The Mob wasn't even supposed to be Tre's life and it damn sure ain't about to become Kings regardless of what he says Tre prepared him for, especially when I know that's the last thing Tre would have wanted for him.

"First of all King I got us, you just need to stay focused so promise me you're not gon be out here doing anything stupid like joining the fucking mob because I am not dumb," I said he smiled shaking his head and kissed my cheek.

"I won't Lena, you got my word," he said but I wasn't convinced. I'll just have to take his word for now but with King ain't no telling what he'll do.

"Aight finish getting ready," I instructed before leaving his room.

****

"Yo Lena look," King said tapping me. Picking my head up he pointed out the window at the Church parking lot. It was almost filled to capacity which caused the rest of the cars trying to get in to park wherever they see fit.

"Wow," I smiled looking out at the turnout. Tre was popular no doubt about it and although it's a shock to see I'm not surprised by the amount of people here right now. Tre's death affected everybody whether they knew him personally or not so to see this outcome warms my heart.

"I know he's happy looking down at this," King smiled

"That sun ain't shining bright for no reason," Dom paused shaking his head.

"Tre always said if his shit not packed out, start everything over," he added, making us laugh.

"You ready?" Dom asked looking over at me I nodded turning around in my seat and faced King.

"You ready?" I asked him

"Yea, let's go," he breathed out as he and Dom stepped out of the car. Watching as Dom walked over to my side I took a deep breath and stepped out once he opened the door for me.

"You speak to Nas or Rocky to see where they at?" King asked looking down on his phone. Rocky and Nas are Tre's best friends who also run The Mob with him.

"Yea, Nas texted me and told me he was on his way when we left the house, Rocky literally just texted me right now and said he's about to pull up." I informed him looking down on my phone.

"Ima go see how the Church looks, if they are ready for us" Dom said.

"Thanks babe," I said kissing him and watched as he walked off.

"Lena," my best friends Kennedi & Trinese called out. I turned around and smiled as they walked up to me. Kennedi is Nas' little sister and literally my other half we met Trinese in second grade and have been three peas in a pod ever since.

"Hey," I said hugging them. "Hey boo, how are you feeling?" Ken asked me I shrugged

"I'm just ready to get this over with honestly, what about y'all?" I asked them

"It's just weird us being here, Tre is the last person I would have expected this to happen to," Trini said I nodded.

"Yea I know," I said shaking my head noticing as Nas walked off having what looked to be a heated conversation on the phone with Rocky not too far behind him. Nas & Rocky being in Tre's life meant they were in my & King's life as well, it feels good gaining two brothers I didn't know I needed though Nas & I hold a different relationship. He's my best friend and quite frankly the only person I've been able to open up to about Tre's death.

"What's their problem?" I asked Kenni

"Remember my cousin I told you about that was locked up in Philly?" she questioned, I nodded.

"He was supposed to get out today but he got into some shit that pushed his release back another week so Nas is tight," she explained

"Damn that sucks Kenni, I'm sorry," I said

"What he do?" Trini asked I chuckled at her nosy ass.

"I don't know but Nas thinks it has everything to do with him not being able to be here," I grew confused

"I'm lost," I stated. "He knew Tre, according to Nas they were mad close," she said as they approached us.

"Wussup sis," Rocky said, hugging me then walked off to greet King.

"Big head," Nas said, walking up to me. "Hey knucklehead," I smiled. He chuckled and pulled me into a hug.

"How you feeling?" he asked me.

"I'm okay I guess, I'm just tryna get through this day ready for it to be over. What about you?" I asked him he shrugged.

"Same I guess, worried about you and King honestly. How is he?" he asked me.

"He claims he's good and right now his mind is set on stepping up because according to him Tre prepared him for this moment," I said he chuckled, shaking his head.

"What he mean by that?" he asked me. "Don't play dumb Nas, it has everything to do with The Mob and I'll be damned if he goes down that road, especially knowing Tre ain't want him to," I said shaking my head.

"I don't wanna have to go through this shit again Nas because if something happens to King," I paused as my voice cracked Nas sighed and pulled me in.

"Look Lena you know I got you and King & you have my word that King won't get involved in this shit," he said

"Thank you," I said wiping my eyes.

"They're ready for us babe," Dom said, walking up to me. I breathed out nodding and grabbed both his and King's hand. It really didn't hit me until just now that this is the last time I'm really gonna see my brother again.

From this day forward I don't really know how life is gonna turn out but I know I gotta make Tre proud so here's till we meet again.

[luobingmeis]

5, 6, 17, and 25 !!

5) Is your inquisitor jealous that both the warden and Hawke have a mabari hound? 

actually my inquisitor is a cat person!! he doesn’t Mind dogs and does find them very cute/fun but, the bigger the dog, the more nervous he is, so mabari at first make him a bit......... on edge omg

6) What would they think of each other’s combat skills/techniques?

my warden (electra surana), hawke (dani hawke), and inquisitor (camris lavellan) all think that each other is great omg

i have Deeper Lore about my surana and lavellan (in my canon, they’re first cousins but don’t know about each other till inquisition-era) and i like to think that my warden and hawke have met before, but my hawke specifically really vibes with my inquisitor and i always liked the thought of her taking him under her wing, especially bc he reminds her of herself before uhhhh bad shit started happening, so she’s very much like “okay i am making it my personal responsibility to not let him end up like me”

but when the three of them are all together (bc i do headcanon that my warden comes back from finding the cure for the calling), it is a trifecta of respect and them just messing around A Lot with their magic

17) If Origins and Inquisition had the 3 personalities (Diplomatic, Sarcastic, Aggressive) which would your warden and inquisitor have predominately been? And what one did your Hawke have?

i am a creature of habit so all my heroes end up in the sarcastic wheelhouse akjdskjsdjk, hawke is sarcastic with some aggressive leanings by act 3, camris is sarcastic with diplomatic tendencies, and i see my warden as diplomatic with biiiig sarcastic leanings!!    25) What is/was their relationship with their family like?

my surana’s family canon is........... Complicated especially bc in my canon, my lavellans and my suranas are first cousins (both their dads are/were dalish twin brothers but my suranas’ father was exiled for a situation that fell somewhere between merrill and anders’ situations) and, by origins, the only surviving suranas are my warden, electra, and her younger sister, kira, and because, up until post-inquisition, they were each other’s only family, they would basically do anything for each other and would go to the ends of the earth to keep each other safe, even if sometimes their personalities clash (electra is much more keen to finding the positive in a situation, while kira is much more jaded over what they have been through)

by the end of da2, the only family my hawke has left is carver, so i like to think that, after the final battle, the two of them really worked on actually bettering their relationship bc they’re all each other has left. my hawke misses her sister terribly and honestly still blames herself for bethany’s death. i have......................... complicated feelings on leandra and, to avoid getting too deep and also morbid, i see hawke’s feelings on her mother very much “i loved my mother and i miss her and i blame myself for what happened but i also have this lingering hurt and anger because of everything she put on me and, sometimes, what hurts the most is that i will never be able to resolve this pain”

I LOVE MY LAVELLAN’S FAMILY my primary inquisitor is camris, and my secondary inquisitor is adaranni, his older sister, who’s like one of his best friends!! tbh once again i’m kinda glossing over the full extent of canon bc then i could get into the lore i have for my inquisitor’s parents, especially with the whole exiled-brother-situation, but basically love and acceptance and support is stored in my lavellan’s family <3

[common-blackbird]

it’s time... for a dragon age 2 playthrough post. scroll on!

The things i loved most:

1) the frame of the game - Cassandra interrogating Varric.

What a great way to get hook the player. Like, the opening of guards dragging this poor dwarf with cuts of the title, and then Cassandra demanding answers... Whoaaa! I have no idea if that’s usually done in games or not, but it’s definitely such an amazing intro with characters introducing themselves as well as the story so perfectly, it captivates instantly. The tutorial has a charm to it bc varric is messing around. Which serves to show more of his character. Cassandra’s personality was pretty much blank here but her presence is so powerful. Something happened, something huge and they know and i was about to find out. I can’t describe how excited that intro made me feel. Each time the scene cut to the interrogation scenes, my eyes were glued more than ever. Just GREAT.

Also it makes for a very convenient scapegoat for every plothole ever with the argument “it’s just his version of the story”.

2) The story.

It’s tragic. It’s amazing! The further you play, the more you can see that no matter what you do, everything leads to a disaster. Hawke doesn’t want to take sides, tries to mediate, does not want to get involved, but just can’t stop it. For every thing gained, Hawke loses two more. Your friends come with packages that get you involved in terrible stuff. Your good intentions result in disasters. The whole game you spent time climbing  the social ladder not only to reach the top hauntingly alone after losing all of your family, but also losing even that empty title and watching as the city you started to find your place in fall apart in blood. UGH! GAH! FEELS!

3) Kirkwall.

“ But, I beg you my dear readers, never forget that, no matter the subject of any story that might ever be explored between the cliffs of Kirkwall, She will find a way to steal the thunder of the protagonist. Or become the antagonist. Kirkwall is never a mere background. We could even understand it so: the challenge for you dear readers is to prevail against the smokescreens and observe to what extent our characters are players or played by the merciless black souled stone giant. Enjoy playing the dare of the ages between the lines of these humble memoirs. “

Memoirs from the Downfall - Act I. Mirage    by Pfefferminze on ao3 (fic rec!)

This paragraph summs up what Kirkwall is better than I ever could. This shrouded mystery that surrounds Kirkwall keeps you on toes. From the first intro when Varric describes it (paraphrasing from memory) “Kirkwall. The city of chains. It is a free city - keeping in mind i use the  the word loosely”. You already start seeing how dark Kirkwall gets. The name, that derives from its black walls (interestingly, the walls in the game aren’t black...), the history of slavery etched into every corner of that city  and its surroundings - the names (The Gallows, the Bone Pit, the Wounded Coast, the pub The Hanged Man), the scenery (sculptures of slaves, the sunken ships by the Wounded Coast, slums and underground of the Lowtown and the Darktown).

I was really digging the History of Kirkwall and it loved it. Kirkwall has a history of violence, from the times of slavery of the Tevinter Imperium, to Qunari conquests and liberation from Orlais. Many revolts and uprising. And though free now, it’s suggested that, seeing that the Templars hold the most influence, Kirkwall is in the hands of the Chantry.

It’s full of cultures mixing together. I love how not one of your companions is a native to Kirkwall, and it feels like a crossroads to every character’s life. a very tragic crossroads in their life, seeing there’s nothing ever good waiting for you in Kirkwall.

Also there’s these codex entries you look for about the Enigma of Kirkwall. It was when i started digging that up that i fell in love with the city and all. Combined with the History of Kirkwall and every codex entry for every place in and out of Kirkwall, I was pulling my hair out reading about the Enigma. I..i’m still not quite sure what happened. Did the magisters use blood of thousands upon thousands slaves to unbound a forgotten one? if so, is that corypheus? And around what time did that happen?? I get that part (or all?) of Kirkwall’s mysterious violent agency is owed to corypheus slumbering relatively close to the city, but is that all? or is there something more? In either case, the Band of Tree are my heroes.

4) The characters.

I’ll talk more about them later, but in general, i just love how they oppose each other, how complex they are, and there is just not pleasing everyone. They feel genuine. They are all deeply flawed. They all have a solid background that makes their beliefs and actions convincing. The friendship/rivalry points are shaky though, and sometimes really don’t fit the character, but i guess there must be someone hating/loving your bad choices for the sake of the game regardless of characterisation. But all in all, i really appreciated each and every character, and loved how their viewpoints challenged me.

First i want a disclaimer: i love each and every character in the game, whatever i say against them doesn’t diminish my liking of them. My issues really aren’t significant. Also, i might and probably will say smth wrong bc i’ve only played it once. I’m a baby.

let’s start with Family:

Mama Hawke:

i really loved mama hawke. after reading her codex entry and an excerpt of some book on this site, i really feel for her. I mean, imagine going back to your home city where you only remember being respected and wealthy only to find out everything you remember is gone, you are forced to live in poverty, your kids are doing dangerous jobs and you can’t stop them bc you do need that money, you write letters trying to get the old connections but keep failing (at least it was implied?), it’s really been hard for her. I get why she was so obsessed with her legacy. She wanted her childhood home back. She can’t feel like Kirkwall is her home until she is home.

Also loved her antagonism towards Hawke. It seems she can no longer treat him like a child, so she criticises him instead. and honestly, hawke is doing some crazy things so he defintiely deserves some criticism. And stopping Hawke from taking carver with him is just logical to me, idk. since she knows she can’t stop Hawke from going, she will at least attempt to prevent the last kid from going into mortal danger. I’d do the same. AND AFTER HAVING CARVER DYING IN DEEP ROADS I AGREE WITH HER

All in all, i don’t think she’s a perfect mom, but there is no perfect mom, and Leandra does care a lot for her kids. The All that remains killed me too :’(

Bethany

RIP :(

Her codex is not long, but i guess she wasn’t happy with her magic :(

CARVER

My favouritest bestest bro in the game. A secondary character with an inferiority complex towards his sibling, with no sense of humour, blaming everyone else for his inability to get a life? I see a lot of myself in him.  He is sooo bitter, but doesn’t even realise (or at least doesn’t admit) that he’s his biggest obstacle. He feels like it’s Hawke’s fault for Carver not getting his place in the sun, but honestly, it’s Carver’s devotion to Hawke that keeps him from getting a life. He’s just tied with that responsibility and can’t break from it unless forced to.

His interactions with other characters are so funny. Either he’s bitter or he’s awkward, i die every time ;;__;;

Anyways, he became a templar in my game and i thought it fits better thematically (throughout the game the grey wardens felt more like a fanservice material since they really aren’t connected to the story), but after reading that meta about carver and seeing the striking difference between warden!carver and templar!carver i wanna reload and redo everything ;;__;;

i mean... carver isn’t exactly a templar material. The codex entry for templars says that the wanted characteristics of templars are strong faith and utmost  obedience, none of which carver really has... . But that moment when he stands up against meredith was *chefs kiss* worth it. I’m just wondering what happens after, is he still a templar? is he with hawke? is he in Kirkwall or if not, where did he go?? so many questions ;A;

Uncle Gamlen

I feel bad for him. Mostly he’s mean but i like to think it’s bc he’s so ashamed that his sister sees what he’s become. And he’s bitter about his own life. I was so happy when i realised he has a personal mission ;__; I feel bad that he didn’t come to live in the hawke estate tho, especially since Hawke is also alone there :(

COMPANIONS!

Varric

There are no words that can properly convey the amount of love for this guy. He is simply flawless. He’s a charming godfather of the dwarven mafia. I wanna have a charming godfather of the dwarven mafia in my life... He already becomes interesting with the intro, and i gotta say, out of all ~storyteller~ types of characters, he is the best. he puts a disclaimer at the beginning with that game tutorial, and during the whole interrogation he’s like “well, how do you know i’m not lying? i could be.” Also, his voice is the second best voice in the game. 

As for his personal missions, oh wow, that thing with his big bro really hurt. I also gave him the red lyrium... was that a mistake? will i regret it? ;__; I know the true friend would prevent him, but i also trust that varric knows how to handle dangerous stuff...

On a side note, since i’ve read the comics (no self control whatsoever), i loved the beginning of the Until We Sleep, where varric mentions it’s easier to imagine all the people he had to kill were evil than to face the fact that those were normal people just doing their job or trying to survive. Man, it hurts TAT

*garret hawke’s voice when he looks a certain way at the family crest in the hawke estate* ISABELA!

Ok ok, so, i love Carver bc i relate,  i love Varric because he’s simply perfect. But I love Isabela because she’s the most intriguing.

She just crashed in Kirkwall and really didn’t sign up for all the trouble she got. She never likes to have deep conversations, she is always downgrading herself and you just wonder, what is it that happened in her life, and you know her past mistakes haunt her, and she’s doing her best to move on. Her arc was i think my favourite. I think the comic Those Who Speak really adds a lot to her arc in DA2 and makes some of her choices more understandable. Her whole story is about her internal conflict of whether to survive or do the right thing. Her story about freeing the slaves got her ship wrecked is great and all for making her be a pirate with a golden heart, but that story about her drowning all the slaves few years previous make this freeing of slaves a big character moment for her. She finally did the right thing. And she got for it was more trouble, because she’s a pirate which means she can’t afford to just do the right thing. And throughout the game, that same story is going back and forth. She runs off with the Relic bc she’s done the right thing before and it got her nowhere, so now she decided to put her own survival as a priority, but comes back bc she’s too kind to just leave Hawke standing like that. And again, with the slaver papers, it’s the same reasoning: it’s her or the higher cause. She needs that ship. She chooses herself. It’s her biggest flaw. But hey, between pros and antis in your party, it was really refreshing to have someone who, along with varric, just gives you a break with moral high-grounds.

I only wish we actually got to see her more as a captain in power in the game or that she showed me that amazing hat she saw in lowtown. It’s cool that it’s implied that her crew doesn’t like her and she also lost most of them during the crash while the others probably left her after.

I love it when she says she goes sometimes to the docks just to watch the ships. That there is no feeling like sailing. I just want a spin-off with captain isabela’s terrible adventures (´A`)

Also, isabela’s VA is my fave, she really did an amazing job. she voices so smoothly, i wouldn’t know if i was playing a game or watching a movie. And has such a pretty way of talking...

Aveline

I’m really neutral towards Aveline. I like her personality and i like that she’s found herself a purpose and advanced in the guards, and she’s always looking out for everybody. I just wish her personal missions went in the vein of the one in act 1... i feel it would have been more interesting to see her having trouble in her position and that you can’t just waltz into Kirkwall and take command. It’s implied she’s being pressured, so i guess she’s just dealing with it herself, but i just... eh. She’s ok.

Merrill

Merrill actually has one of the if not the most tragic story-line that really challenges you both morally and emotionally. 

Her cheerful and cute personality is dampened by her constant dark leitmotif of willingly practicing blood magic. And i think her story really showed well the indirect consequences of it.

Not in one instance was Merrill’s practice of blood magic an active culprit for all tragedy that surrounds her. First, it seems that blood magic is practiced in the clan, seeing there is no freeing Flemeth without it, but i’m guessing it’s seldom practiced and with great caution. So Merrill wasn’t in any danger of being prosecuted for her blood magic. It’s actually her wish to study it further with the help of the demon that makes her an outcast. That and the magic mirror that apparently is forgotten for a reason. Also, it’s made quite clear that Merrill would be welcomed back no questions asked if she at any point decided to ditch the demon and live without the study of magic mirror. She, on the other side, is driven by the higher cause, the idea that figuring out the forgotten purpose of some evil mirror might help her clan, and is willing to be an outcast if it means reaching her goal and helping her clan. Fast foward to act 3, the clan is still there when they should have moved away, and it’s only when you face the demon possessed Keeper, you realise why. She knew Merrill would sooner or later bargain with the demon again. And she sacrificed herself, trapping the demon within her, as to prevent it. And i think that is why the clan stayed so long there. She waited for Merrill because she wanted Merrill to kill her, and hopefully with her the demon. It didn’t go as planned, obviously, but i really think she had good intentions. When Merrill does manage to kill the Keeper she’s forced to face the clan and i chose the wrong option of telling the truth which resulted in a massacre. Merrill gets back and regrets everything. She, however resolves to help the alienage.

The thing is, there is no one to blame Everyone had the best intentions. Everyone is working for the safety of the clan. it’s a story of sacrifice and when sacrifice feels like the wrong choice (whether it truly is or isn’t depends on your worldview) and it’s really done well.

But here are my issues with Merrill. I love her as a character, but i don’t agree with her decisions.  It’s a personal issue. Merrill is giving up everything as to help her clan by learning history of the evil mirror. And while this is a game where old things are important and significant, her mission is always explained as this duty of preserving history. And while i agree that preserving history is very important, there is a limit to it. you should never put history before the present. If your research endangers the present, you give up on that line. The other is that you need to make peace with the fact that many, many things are forgotten and will be forgotten. It’s sad, but you gotta make peace with the fact that some things are just gone.

And Merrill, who is a magic historian, fails to see that. So that kinda irks my historian moral codex. And in the end, as far as i know, Merrill doesn’t succeed in reviving the evil mirror and dedicates herself to help the alienage. It was a terrible way to learn that some things aren’t worth it.

The other, less personal issue, is that none of this had to happen. I mean, the keeper obviously didn’t think Merrill was experienced enough to actually deal with demons and therefore distrusted her and warned the clan about it. So, if Merrill was a little bit more patient she could have just studied normally under the keeper, and when she herself becomes the keeper, she could have fraternize with that demon however she wanted without much complications. So yeah... i guess youth is made of idealism.

But as i said, minor issues. Her story is really, really great.

Fenris

Fenris and Anders are my “i love you but i am soo annoyed by you but i still love you” characters. Half of the time they’re just there to make you feel guilty for being a neutral party. Which sometimes has me rolling my eyes. If Fenris and Anders actually got along with each other, slavery and mage oppression would have ended in 2 days. Which makes it all the more frustrating that they do not.

Fenris.. his voice. What a nice voice colour. So elegant, but kinda rough, sometimes he talks like he’s 80 years old, sometimes like he’s a teenager. I love it.

As for the rest, i mean, i don’t agree with his methods, but very often, the guy’s got a point. I get his experience with mages colours his view on them, so while i symphatise, it’s really hard to have him on my “free mages” missions when he’s my best tank and i want him to be on friendly terms with Hawke so this makes things... difficult. That aside, it’s interesting that fenris doesn’t see mages as evil per se, but rather victims who, in his experience, will always, always going to succumb to a demon. It’s an inevitable reality to him. And this makes me wonder if he ultimately, despite being his friend or lover, is just waiting for the day he will be forced to kill Hawke too :(

As for his missions, they were ok, it led up to culmination and i didn’t let him kill his sister bc Hawke has just lost his mom, don’t do smth you’ll regret ;__;

also, somewhere around the end of act 2 i decided to romance fenris bc i love to suffer, so i worked the whole act 3 trying to get more aproval points and also wondering why are there no romance options when i talk to him... turns out that one night stand with isabela romanced her and canceled fenris. But i never even finished the romance with her so i’m just ??? about it all.

I wish it was more explained about the tattoos fenris has? I just thought the tattoos would play a big role somewhere in the game and it just never happened. There was a banter with Merrill about how his tattoos are similar to valaslin, so i thought, hmm, interesting, maybe the two are connected. But nah they just glow in the dark and make you pass through walls. Whatevs.

also dude just goes and kills without a second thought, i’m just “mate, you gotta calm down”. But that’s his thing. He’s constantly bitter and is very bad at anger management. I can’t blame him, considering he lacks around 10- 20 years of experience due to amnesia.

He’s the only one who left me when Hawke sided with mages, and i was like, “ok i getcha, it’s been nice knowing you”, but then when i asked him to join me 5 minutes later he just went “ok changed my mind” which was so funny, like, where did all that integrity dissappear??? It would have been more impactful if the dialogue went in the line of “i want to stand by my principals but you’re a living breathing proof that not all mages are weak to succumb to demons so i’ll join you in the end” (and then side-eye “i told you so” when orsino turns into a demon)

And i wanna read the fenris comic now bc my question for every character here is what is their fate after kirkwall. I only know that isabela & varric are working for alistair and merrill wants to help the alienage. Aveline is i guess either dismissed from her job or got a pass after cullen took  the command.  But Carver?? Fenris?? Anders?? They never talked about long term plans...

Anders

ooh boy, here we go. there are many questions i have for him and am generally just hmmmm. First, as for his pro-mage rights - it’s like opposite fenris so i just have the same feelings: you mean well, i don’t agree with your methods, your experiences define your worldview so i let some things slide, but other things i will not agree with. Though, question: in how many circles has Anders been? He knows the kirkwall circle, he knows the fereldan circle. Seeing he has excaped 7 times, did they send him to a different circle each time or was the fereldan the last one? or the first one? Or maybe it was his boyfriend they transferred? did i miss something?

I’ll just whisper: awakening!Anders >>> da2!Anders. I just miss the old anders. Which says a lot bc during the awakening i was just “shut up anders”. I miss his bad jokes, his terrible attempts at flirting, his enjoyment of freedom, nagging all the time, and generally being more moderate in pro-mage rights. Like, in awakening, because it was not the only thing he talked about, it felt more personal and intense. Here mage-rights are the only thing he ever talks about + justice. I mean, please correct me if i’m wrong, this was just general impression. But to defend da2!Anders here, it makes sense that merging with mixed both of their personality, and i like that they did that. It’s also very sad.

The thing is, when i’m thinking about anders, i love his story and character. Just as it’s terrible that Fenris, having no memory from before being Fenris, Anders can never go back to being just Anders. And this, people, is why you don’t fraternize with spirits. He’s obviously afraid of how justice is affecting him and there are some bare traces of his old personality and i guess he wouldn’t be as radical if he didn’t have justice personality that can’t stand the injustice. And in combination with anders quite selfish personality (form awakening, and i say that lovingly), it makes him do things that justice wouldn’t condone. Anders is literally a walking bomb.

Again, same problem as with fenris, i really thought that the justice glow would have a incredibly significant culmination, and it didn’t, it was just to show that anders and justice are very bitter. Eh, ok.

Also, i let anders join after he blew up the chantry, bc he started it, so might as well follow it through.

Some minor characters that i remember

Senechal Bran for the next Viscount! He hated hawke so much but still put up with him.

Feynriel is the coolest mage in Kirkwall. I think his missions were my favourite. Dude goes from “oh no i’m a mage” to “i will just dreamwalk to tevinter and learn control the reality” to “i dream-killed bad people from thousands of miles away”. Does he appear in the next game? I want him on my side. He’s so cool.

I think the Maker is sending Cullen signs to quit being a templar. First job: evil mages that tortured you. Instead of “this job will kill you” h took it as  a “never trusting mages again, got it”. Second job: your boss is evil possessed paranoid maniac. Man, talk about bad luck.

What is the story of the Lady Elegant?

Flemeth had that big great talk at the beginning of the game and i thought by the end of the game i’d realise what it meant, but nope, still no clue.

Ok so I defeated Corypheus, but there was this looong shot of Larius walking away. Corypheus possessed larius, didn’t he? He’s out there. In a madman’s body. I know he appears in inquisition.

Many thoughts

I gotta say, in Kirkwall, at least, it didn’t feel like much of a challenge to pick a side. Like, there was no mage who said “hey i actually really like it here in the circle, the templars aren’t so bad”, and having templars actually smuggling mages from the circle says a lot to say the least. Every time a mage talks to you, unless you go with “oh they’re 100% lying”, their stories invoke sympathy and of course you want to help them. And then in 99% cases they turn to blood magic bc there was no other way. Except that dude who always hanged out with the wrong people, he only did blood magic to save Carver. But yeah, that turning to blood magic was like having Fenris side-eye me with an unspoken “i told you so” bc every mage, whether in desperation or hunger for power, will turn sooner or later into a demon. Regardless, blood magic was always in the act of desperation and self-defense. The only times where magic was actually evil was the slavers and the serial killer, who is a madman.

When i was reading the Enigma of Kirkwall, there was a part that talks of a blood-mage conspiracy and i was all, oh shit, there is a reason why templars are mean to mages! maybe the conspirators are framing innocent mages on blood magic crimes that they actually commit, maybe Meredith is actually on trail of the conspirators, maybe there is a reason for animosity on both sides. After all, Kirkwall was known for having a bigger number of apostates, a bigger number of blood magic cases and far more ruthless templars. It added up.Thinking back now, i never even got any specific reason why meredith was so intensely anti-mage, other than going mad.

But yeah, no conspirators. Just sad mages and mean templars, and good templars that get screwed by desperate and mean mages.

While in Kirkwall it’s easy to be a pro-mage, i was thinking a lot about mage-rights in general so let me indulge myself: there are circles, but the mages aren’t oppressed. Rather, the circles would be educational centres and society in every larger city where one learns how to properly handle magic bc magic is dangerous. You can leave when you pass the final exam and also come back anytime to hang out with mages who decide to live there since the institution would support mages.

Also, when one gets possessed, i’d invest more into “walk into their head and free them of demons” specialists. It’d be cool if you could have a dreamer who does that bc no lyrium spent. Honestly, why don’t they ever do that? How did the keeper do that rite for Feynriel? Was it blood magic?

I guess, you’d still have to answer for your crimes, tho no death punishment and degradation allowed. Blood magic wouldn’t be punishable by death, but rather have specialists who study it, but practice with extreme caution and use of another person’s blood is strictly prohibited.

Templars would still exist but completely reformed. No more “mages are all potential disasters”, but i’d rather make it that mages can too be templars, since they both have abilities that prevents the others from casting magic. This way the control system would be much like the dalish: if the keeper(mage) is possessed, the clan (which means the non-mages and the first(mage)) need to kill them. You could argue that you don’t need templars as non-mages, since mages can do it too, but seeing that in general people fear magic and feel inferior to it (since there’s a collective memory of the great tevinter imperium), having non-magic specialists would make them feel like on equal ground. The extra-reformed templars would be under Circle, not under direct command of the chantry, and circle, depending of whether chantry is reformed, might or might not be under chantry.

(a side note, i was thinking about templars recently and i can’t recall an instance where it says who had the clever idea to chew lyrium first? i just wanna know)

I know that DA2 wasn’t about grey wardens and therefore not about darkspawn, but seeing as in legacy we get corypheus being... an evil version of the Architect(??), i was only wondering do we get more answers about the darkspawn? is there hope for them? is the Architect still alive?

And oh, to turn to the Anders question:

Is he a terrorist, or was that just activism? I mean, i don’t see why those two can’t go together. blasting a building with a symbolic significance killing and harming many innocent people to get a message of your radical activism across belongs into a schoolbook of terrorism. Does he have a good cause? He sure believes so, and i, too, agree that mages should not be oppressed for just being mages. But does that mean this is the right way to do it? Personally, i do not condone any act of violence in service of a political or religious cause. I know it’s sometimes inevitable, but i like to believe there are more diplomatic ways, or at least not including an attack on civilians.

That aside, the moment where anders goes in front and just announces that the church was gonna blow up in a minute was the best anders moment for me. Until that point i more or less just viewed his activism as a hobby since he just did it in his free time, but now he put his money where his mouth is and freaking went all out. Cool character moment. And incredibly heartwrenching. He was aware of how many innocents he killed, but just didn’t see other way to get the point across.

I still don’t agree with his idea of blowing up the church tho. Maybe if he told Hawke, they could have done something to empty the church previously and further people away from it and then blow it up?

But still, blowing up religious buildings isn’t the answer. If i was the radical mage activist, i would have gone for the open assassination. Seeing it worked in WW1, i don’t see why it couldn’t start a fantasy war.

Some random things i liked:

uniportant but lovable interractions in the house: it starts innocently with gamlen’s house, to see how you’re doing, and becomes really fun during act 2 when you see your friends have been here and left you things. In act 3, however, it feels melancholic. no more family to come back to, just ghosts of friends that have visited, Bodahn and Sandal being there for you, Orana still not getting some sunlight and your dog at the fireplace. The Hawke Family Suite is playing, and you feel older than you are, lonlier than you should be. just... ouch. I hope Bodahn adopted Orana and took her out of Kirkwall :(

t i named the dog “Maker” which is very funny to me bc every time i summon the dog i just imagine Hawke yelling “Maker help us”. Carver hates the name bc he needs to chase the dog often in the streets. Mama Hawke never ever calls the dog Maker, but she never has to call the dog anything: he’s super obedient towards her.

Fighting wasn’t as hard as in origins, i like that.

The haunted house mission was so cool.

When random people greet aveline in Hightown.

And that’s i think about it. There are probably plenty more things i loved, but i think this is already enough. if somebody told me i’d be playing so much this year, i’d laugh, but I already want to play the next game ;;___;;

[tetrakys]

with the 2 first roures finishing what are your takes on Vladimir and Beliath so far? What you dislike and like about them? And how would you rathe their routes based on story, romance, illus and their personalities? Would you change something about them? Maybe counting with Eloise too what do you think about her personality in each route? 👀

Mmmhh... I think I’ve talked about this here and there many times, but let’s see... I’ll put all my thoughts into one post.

The Characters

I liked both Vladimir and Beliath, they were not the guys I was aiming for from the beginning, but by the end I really ended up liking them both. Vlad is so calm and elegant, but then he gets mad and goes wild and I like this dichotomy a lot, I find it very hot 👀 the fact that he has such a passionate side hiding behind his cold, calm exterior. And the fact that he is always so melancholic, the moment he smiles it’s so meaningful, it makes my heart burst 💕. Also, I just love his hair. Beliath is... hot, there’s no word around it, he managed to make me look past his clothes, I thought it was going to be impossible. This experienced aura that surrounds him... plus him being half incubus... you know he has skills 👀 and it turns out he’s such perfect boyfriend material? Who would’ve ever thought? Once he finally cut the crap with the secrecy and admits his real nature I have really nothing to blame him for relationship-wise.

The routes

Again, I like both, for different reasons. Vladimir’s route is very clean cut and easy to follow. They start not being able to stand each other and chapter by chapter you see them getting closer and closer. His route has more the classic structure of a standard romance: they meet, they become friend, they kiss and fall in love, they have sex, they deal with the enemy and then live happily ever after. Beliath’s route is more mature and tangled, their relationship is not clear at all at first, they provoke each other all the time, it’s such a back and forward, but the moment they really get together, as I said before, relationship goals. Still, I think it’s significant that we get a kiss illustration only in the happy ever after. Contrary to Vlad, that’s where the fairy tale begin, right at the end.

So, while on one hand Beliath’s route was more intriguing, Vlad’s route was... logic, if the word makes sense in this context. Once I figured out how the system worked, it was “easy” to understand him and how the different choices would work with his reactions and his endings. Beliath, instead, was a nightmare, I managed to unlock all his endings eventually, but I still don’t know why and how. I haven’t grasped yet the logic behind most of his choices (and at this point I never will).

One of the winning points of this game is that it keeps you guessing and chapter by chapter you learn bits and pieces about the characters, their story and background. It seems, from what we have seen so far, that Vlad’s is the true route, his story is intertwined with Eloise’s, while both Beliath’s and Ivan’s (from what we have seen so far) are all about them. Plot-wise I found Vlad’s route probably more intriguing partially because it’s the first so you know nothing about Neil and Eloise’s story, Beliath’s route has Leandra and Asmodee as additional characters so it was also interesting to find out about them.

The endings

I absolutely loathed Vlad’s endings. Luckily they fixed the good one so I’m happy about that, but I find his neutral one very yikes... the bad one is better than the neutral one in my opinion, but the topic of suicide is something that I don’t really like to see in my escapism. Nevertheless, I think it fits well with the character and all in all it worked. On the other hand I liked Beliath’s endings much more, I think his neutral ending is probably my favourite ending so far, because it’s both romantic and meaningful, a bit sad but also full of hope for the future. His love for Eloise saves him, pushes him to accept something he had ran away from his whole life and chooses life, exactly the opposite of what happens with Vladimir... Beliath’s bad ending is also very romantic, his words about how he really only started to live when he met her... how can the others top this?? Honestly, loveboy set the bar veeery high.

Eloise

I like Eloise, I don’t care what people say, I like her, she can be both a badass and a nice person. On Beliath’s route more than Vladimir, probably. She is not perfect of course, there are some things I wish she did differently, like she should be more assertive in pointing out that that’s her home and she should find something to occupy her days with. But it’s also true that she has to come to terms with a lot of life-altering news and situations so I can only partially blame her. 

The art

I adore ML’s art. I find the backgrounds particularly beautiful and the illustrations are also chef’s kiss. Yes, I know they are not perfect, but I have 0 art skills myself so I don’t care. My favourite illustrations are Vlad 5 and 6, and Beliath 5 and 7.

Things I didn’t like

As I mentioned before, I would have liked more agency for Eloise, make her do something else other than revolving completely around her vampire. Maybe we could see her learn about her powers, study them, use them for her own agenda. Another thing I didn’t like is that I think Beliath’s chapter 10 has a plothole, I don’t understand how he left the house, but maybe I missed something. I also didn’t like how they clearly decided that one vampire was supposed to die in each route, just for shock value, fortunately they fixed this in the good ending. Oh and yeah I hate how they write women-against-women, but what’s new? BV does that all the time... the day they will stop making their MC’s jealous of other women I will throw a party, you are all invited.

This is pretty much it from me, I like the game, you see how much time I put into it. Feel free to jump in with your impressions anon. 

[calypsoff]

Sixteen. Part 2

I am tired as fuck, but Robyn woke me up, she is excited to go to Mexico and so am I but I went bed late as fuck. Too busy partying with her family, they good people. Robyn really got me good though “you will get out of bed yes?” Robyn pointed at me, nodding my head “turn the camera! Riri!” TJ spat, he is dumb “just get out of bed and pack some stuff” recently all Robyn does is try and drag me out of bed, I mean I understand why but still “be quiet but yeah, she outdid anything in my life. Lebron knows me, he knows my name. I am going to be at his house next, bet!” I spat “bet, my nigga. Shit, you need to show us that shit when you back but it’s good to see you smiling, you look so happy in the photos I am seeing. Like these random pictures I see, it came up on my explore page and I was shook. I am like is that my nigga!” I chuckled “yeah, it’s wild but it’s been the best birthday. I am just so blessed, I am happy. I can’t stop smiling, I am here cheesing so hard” I breathed out “look, it looks so good on you. But TJ and I just came back from the club so we vibing, we better let you go” nodding my head “oh yeah, bro!” TJ came up behind Barry “Seiko is so bitter; she has been saying that is my ex. She stole my man, she stole him unprovoked, I was reading her comment on her post and I said that is untrue, they were dating since the start, you was filler. She turned around and say no, Rihanna saw him and took my man so she is going with that storyline” of course she would “the Rihanna post triggered her” I said through my laughter “triggered!? Yo, tell your girl to block her, she is in her comments saying she stole you” raising an eyebrow “dang, I ain’t see that. I will tell her to do that, but yeah. I am happy bro. I will fill you all in when I get back ok?” they both saluted me “happy birthday brother, bye” waving at the phone.

I giggled to myself, my mother is funny. She can’t really use a phone, she just sent me a ling to a happy birthday video, some random woman singing it too. I hope there is more to this message, scratching my chest laughing “she funny” I said to myself, tapping on the YouTube sign and the first thing I see is Wendy Williams and there is a picture of Robyn and I “oh shit” I said to myself, this is some shit. This is real, I am getting spoken about. I am nosey and I want to see, I haven’t really been on social media like that, so I don’t know what is being said. I only like Robyn’ post and put a heart under it and then closed it, it’s messy on there. The video loaded up “so ladies, Rihanna has a new thug in her life” she is so dramatic, so is the crowd “she went to the Lakers game to parade her new man. We don’t know anything about him, but ladies. He is a thug, I think Rihanna has a type” wow they searched my mug shot, I knew that “he has a record, mhmm. Drugs and now he is dating Rihanna? How did that even happen, well apparently that is her soulmate, you know what they say? Love is blind. Girl, you need to rethink that. I think Rihanna needs to run; we know she paid for those courtside seats. Riri you can do better, when things go wrong don’t say we didn’t warn you” the crowd cheered, well that is nice.

That sucks to hear, I am not shocked, but it still hurts to hear because I am not even like that. I didn’t ask for her to do this, I would be happy with her company, maybe in a cabin again but it just sucks that people are saying things about me. I disconnect myself from social media but it’s there, I can’t stop it at all either but whatever. I am going to go down and eat some breakfast “morning” Rajad said, looking down the hallway “going down? Morning” closing the bedroom door “yeah, happy birthday again. It was a nice party wasn’t it? Did you like it” nodding my head waiting for Rajad to reach me “I loved it, I really didn’t expect it just because we barely knew each other, I mean I am new to you all” walking down the steps “my sister has really spoke on you so much, you don’t understand how much she did. So we feel like we do, but to meet you. It’s everything she has said” I grinned wide “thank you, I am me. I am just a regular nigga, I met your sister as she is but her being Rihanna, it’s wild but I am happy. I would treat her the utmost respect” rubbing my chest walking into the kitchen “happy birthday!” Robyn spat again “thank you baby” pecking Robyn’ lips “happy birthday Christopher” Monica used my government “thank you mama, appreciate it” I can’t stop smiling “sit down, I got you with breakfast” my baby is spoiling me.

I stifled out a yawn “what we doing in Mexico?” I asked Robyn, I mean I don’t mind but I would like to know “I am doing you” Robyn said in a whisper, I busted out laughing “fine, besides that what we doing?” Robyn wrapped her arms around mind, resting her head on my shoulder “you will see” smiling wide “do you ever feel like oh I am paying out? Like I am not putting out like you” I said, I said it because I am thinking it “no, and why? What have you seen?” the table became a little silent “just a video came on YouTube, Wendy Williams. She said that I am a criminal and stuff, like I am a bad guy?” Leandra kissed her teeth “that bug built bitch, Chris I wouldn’t even worry about it. People will talk, that is on them. Do not let them bring you down, just don’t pay attention” Leandra said and it’s nice to see them taking up for me “I tend to not look at social media because it’s all bad but it came up, using my mugshot already, shit is just wack. Like they going all out to see my old stuff. I am not ever here for her money. I love Robyn, so yeah. Just annoying. What else is being said?” clearly they know “we know your mugshot has been released, it’s just all shit they are saying” Tina answered, “so I guess you was warned?” running my hand over my head “yeah but it’s whatever, they will get over it” rolling my eyes “I wish I wasn’t famous but if I wasn’t then we wouldn’t have been, imagine that” Robyn mumbled.

Things seemed to be on a downer thanks to me so I thought I would change the subject “are you all going to be on the tour?” I wonder if they are “pretty much besides my mom and Rajad, they will be staying behind, but we will be there. You coming yeah?” Rorrey pointed at me “yeah, nigga is a little nervous though. I don’t know what to expect from it” I chuckled “it’s fun, tiresome for Robyn. It’s boring after the first three dates” Robyn gasped “how many times can we here We Found Love? Come on Robyn, shit gets annoying” she is so offended “but we literally just be in city to city, having fun but this will be more intense. Seven days and seven countries, I think Robyn is going to be stressed out” looking over at Robyn “mhmm don’t get me started, excited but I am already tired” Robyn needs to calm down if it stresses you out “Robyn I want you to be careful, ok? Do not push yourself” Monica said but it was more concern then anything “I will mom” Robyn dragged out “don’t just say I will, take action. For you, be safe” my phone started ringing, digging into my pocket “I got to take this, it’s my mom” I got up from the dining table, answering the facetime and the first thing I see is my dad’ gigantic nose “not again” I said laughing, he is so basic.

I cooed out, my mom is cute “aight, Desean. Blow the candles out, thank you so much” they sang happy birthday to me “are you coming to Virginia soon? I miss you so much” nodding my head “I will, promise. Soon, uhm. Once I go back to Texas, I will detour there for you. Spend time with my first love” my mom cooed out “so, I was watching basketball and I see some white man on the TV with blonde hair” my dad is stupid “huh you did? Who that” I smirked “I have never seen you so happy, it looks good on you. California looks good on you” my dad complimented “love looks good on him” my mother added “that too but yeah, it’s out now. I hope it’s no trouble for you” I don’t want my family involved “baby Mary asked me, I went to the Salon and she is like I done seen Joyce’ boy on TV, Virginia is small baby so yes. Everyone is talking about it, you cousins actually spoke to us” I sniggered “they wack” hearing someone clear their throat, looking over to them it’s Robyn “we have a flight soon” she said in a whisper, smiling at her. The phone is ever so quiet, I eyed up Robyn “no” she said in a whisper “come say hi babe” she is shy, is she crazy “aight, ma. Robyn can’t really speak because she’s a mute” Robyn hit my shoulder “fine” she sat next to me “is that Rihanna?” my dad is so slow “oh angel, look at you” looking at Robyn “hi everyone, ignore Chris he is lying. Just that we have a flight to go on so just busy. It’s honestly nice to see you all, Joyce you are still the most joyful woman I know and Clinton. I do miss you all, treated me like one of your own for that time” Robyn and her speech “aww thank you, you coming to see me soon?” my mom asked “yes of course after I do my little tour, but I will” nice to hear Robyn say she will.

Robyn walked ahead of me and onto the jet “coconut head!” I spat, Robyn turned to me half way up the steps, taking the picture of her “I wasn’t ready” I don’t care if she was, walking up the steps behind her “jet is amazing, it’s even better that you are on this with me this time” I can’t wait for Mexico “afternoon” the flight attendant said “and you” taking my backpack off “it’s horrible on your own, when you’re with the whole team it’s super lit. I can’t wait for you to experience that” placing my backpack on the spare seat “shuffle in, I want sit with you” Robyn out here hogging the seat, she shuffled in “thank you ma’am” sitting next to Robyn “show me the picture you took” I have my phone in hand “sure, I am taking picture. I probably look crazy, like a fan” unlocking my phone, tapping on my photos and holding my phone out to Robyn “don’t say that it’s ok. Make memories, I am taking this, I will send it to myself” nodding my head, she can do as she pleases “are you happy though? With everything? I am shocked you never posted the Lebron thing on your Instagram” shaking my head “why should I? What do I owe them, I will post what I want. I don’t know your fans like that” Robyn chuckled “oh you will” I can imagine.

This is such a foreign feeling, to be in a different country “wow” I am staring out of the window in awe, I am really out of America, this is wild “I love Mexico and I hope you like it too, you love walks so you will love the peace at this place I got us” looking over at Robyn “I know I will, thank you so much. I ain’t ever been out of America before and this, it’s down to you and I can only thank you” Robyn shushed me “bringing my boyfriend here is the highlight, I can finally spoil someone I love so don’t think anything different. Just enjoy your time here, the people here are so good. Like when I am here nobody knows, everything is so quiet and on the low. I walk around here too so we can go together. And there is no fires here” I groaned out “no, I want to go back now already. You do not understand how much I love it, like Virginia ain’t the hottest place but I would sleep in front of the fire, you know my home. There is the open fire, and my mom has all those pictures around, I would sleep in front of that. I just feel at home, I am weird yes” Robyn nodded her head “I understand now, I get it” Robyn held my hand.

I don’t want to ask how much this is a night, but I do “answer me this, how much was this” I am stood outside this shit and I am shook “this villa is a lot, please tell me? So I know to take a shit in every toilet” Robyn rolled her eyes “enough, be quiet and get inside” I am excited, putting my backpack on and running ahead of Robyn, as I would. The door opened for me and I near died “welcome” I jumped back “baby it’s the maid here” placing my hand over my heart “scaredy ass, she is lovely. Be nice” it’s not even that she scared me “welcome to Tulum” she smiled and moved to the side “she lives here?” I am confused “she will be” Robyn gestured for me to go inside “Happy Birthday sir” she spoke “aww thank you” I grinned, looking down on the floor “oh wait, roses? For me?” I said smiling at the maid “please come in” I think she wants me to walk in, looking down at the floor and followed the trail “Chris” Robyn said but I already bumped into the wall “stop being stupid and look up” I chuckled looking up, turning the corner and the room is filled with balloons and birthday banner “oh wow! Thank you!” I feel like a child all over again, seeing the pool outside from the sliding doors “cake too? More cake to eat off your booty” taking off my backpack “of course, happy birthday poppa” pecking Robyn’ lips “I need to do something” walking over to the sliding door, I just need to do it because it looks so hot out there. Sliding open the as I kicked off my sneakers “you’re not” Robyn said, running outside and taking my top off before I jumped into the pool “wooo!” but I was too late my top remained in my hand as I splashed into the water, I am so fucking happy right now.

[stitchcasual]

A Running Date

Live on AO3 or click through the cut for the full thing

a real fluffy Fenhawke fic with a wedding meetcute because We Deserve It

"Who's the hot guy with tattoos?"

Marian and Isabela share a look, high five, then Isabela extends a hand toward her new wife.

"Pay up, darling."

Marian grumbles and slaps a bill too crushed and crumpled for Garrett to make out the denomination into Isabela's hand. The look on her face says it wasn't small, however. The two of them are sitting on a slightly raised piece of flooring at the back end of the social hall Marian and Garrett's mother has rented for Marian's wedding reception. They're receiving visitors there, a whole line of people waiting to convey their best wishes to the happy couple on their happy day. Garlands and flowers decorate nearly every piece of available space, and despite the fervor with which Marian had opposed having a high society reception like their mother wanted, she and Isabela are holding court up here like they're royalty.

"You bet on whether or not I'd ask about him?" Garrett asks, unsure whether he should be offended or not.

Marian grins at him. "Of course not, dear brother. I would never do that to my favorite twin. We bet on how long it would take you to ask."

Isabela cackles. Garrett is definitely offended, but he supposes he does have a history of doing this. It's not his fault his sister attracts hot, queer people, though, so he can't be blamed for it.

"Anyway, that's Fenris."

"That's Fenris?"

Fenris and Marian work together, and she's told a few stories about him over the years when she and Garrett get together for drinks. According to her, Fenris is hilarious and intelligent, if a little grumpy and standoffish, and her favorite coworker. Garrett takes another look over at Fenris, standing against a wall with a nearly empty wine glass. Where Garrett is tall and broad, Fenris is average height and narrow; where Garrett is pale skinned and dark haired, Fenris has light brown skin and white hair. He's utterly gorgeous, which is the conclusion Garrett came to after an hour of trying not to stare at him rocking the hell out of that tuxedo during the ceremony. Fenris stood in Isabela's eclectic mix of bridespeople while Garrett performed his duties as his twin sister's best man and thankfully didn't stumble over too much in the course of what he was expected to say.

"Yep. And he is incredibly out of your league, but because you're my brother and I love you so much, take this when you go talk to him." Marian pulls a bottle of wine from behind her chair and somehow manages to hand it over to Garrett despite the scuffle with Isabela that ensues when she sees which bottle it is.

"That's cheating, kitten," Isabela pouts. "We'll have to amend our bet."

Garrett hightails it away from the dias after kissing his sister on the cheek, not wanting to hear exactly what it is she and her troublemaker of a wife bet on this time. He does hear Carver say, "What's his problem?” and then, "Ow!" when Bethany slaps his arm as they step up next to offer their congratulations.

This is still the drinks and hors d'oeuvres hour of the reception, which means everyone's milling around and stretching their legs after the long ceremony and before the long dinner to come. Garrett snags a bottle opener from Bodahn in the kitchen, promising to return it later, and attempts to make as casual a beeline for Fenris as he can. He doesn't want to come on too aggressive, even if he's been hoping for a chance to talk to him since yesterday at the rehearsal dinner.

En route, he's waylaid by Anders and Nathaniel, his exes who had, rather amicably after a year of them all dating each other, decided they'd prefer to be a couple rather than a thruple. That had suited Garrett, eventually, once he'd realized that maybe he wasn't actually ready to date so soon after his father's death. He'd stayed friends with Anders and Nathaniel, though, and has tried dropping more than a few hints over the last few years that the two of them should get married too, but so far they haven't. As long as they're happy, though. Anders and Isabela know each other from some shadowy past encounter, or so Garrett has always liked to believe, and Nathaniel, aside from being from old money himself and thus invited on his own merits thanks to Leandra’s system, goes wherever Anders does.

They let him go when he, after several minutes of polite conversation, explodes quietly that he's trying to go hit on someone thank you very much and if they'd be so kind as to let him get on with that. Or, rather, Nathaniel lets him go and covers Anders's mouth with one hand when Anders tries to say more than, "Him?? Why would you want to—"

Garrett approaches Fenris slowly, within eyeshot (sneaking up behind someone seems like it might make for a bad first impression), and grips and regrips the wine bottle, hoping desperately that it doesn't fall out of his hands, as suddenly sweaty as they seem to be. The murmur of voices around him is simultaneously too loud and too soft, and he doesn't know how to pitch his voice so it carries to Fenris without deafening him. He settles for a wave with his free hand when Fenris's eyes lock onto him during their sweep around the room. Fenris nods in return, brushing soft looking white hair out of his eyes.

Okay so the wave was a mistake. Bad first greeting. Garrett raises his other hand, the one holding the wine bottle, and tries again, adding the smile Marian has told him is dick-worthy. He's pretty sure she means that well. Fenris raises an eyebrow, considers, and gestures to the wall beside him with his wine glass. Garrett takes the hint: he opens the bottle immediately after settling next to Fenris and pours a generous amount into the glass.

And then he realizes he forgot to bring himself a glass too.

"Sorry, uh…Bran," he says, reading the table setting as he purloins the wine glass from the seat closest to him.

He chooses to believe that the look on Fenris’s face is amusement, and raises his newly obtained and filled wine glass in a toast. Fenris taps his glass gently against Garrett’s and sips. His beautiful, holy shit so beautiful, green eyes widen a second later, and he pins Garrett with a searching gaze.

“Where did you get this?” Fenris asks, and his voice is so low and rough and unexpected that Garrett short-circuits. In all her stories, Marian hadn’t mentioned anything about a voice Garrett would be one hundred percent okay with doing absolutely filthy things with. That the voice is attached to someone as handsome as Fenris is a perk.

“Why? Is it good?” he asks, finally drinking himself. “Oh, holy shit, yes, it is.” He takes another sip, expending a considerable amount of willpower to keep from gulping it down. This wine is fantastic.  

“Well,” he says, raising the bottle and peering at the label, “apparently this is the kind of shit rich people give as presents at weddings.”

“I didn’t get one,” Fenris sniffs, and Garrett laughs.

“I didn’t get one either, but the bride…uh, bride number one? Or would she be number two? I think Marian proposed so would that make her number one? Anyway, one of the brides is my twin sister and she let me have it.”

“Your sister must love you a lot to part with a bottle of Aggregio.”

“How did you—”

“I have a discerning palate.”

Fenris closes his eyes as he drinks again, savoring the wine. Garrett tries not to stare, he really, really does, but the way Fenris’s throat works when he swallows and the little sound he makes are entirely too difficult to ignore.

“I’ll have to thank my sister, I guess. You know, eventually. When she’s not swarmed by mobs of fancy-dressed fans.” Garrett loosens his tie, tugging back and forth with a finger until he can undo the top button of his dress shirt as well. His mother will rake him over the coals for this, but right now the comfort and extra air are necessary; the wine and proximity to such an attractive person are attempting to do him in.

“So, you are Marian’s brother.”

The question is less of a question and more of a statement coming from Fenris, and Garrett’s stomach swirls nauseatingly with the wine.

“Technically yes, though Carver’s also her brother, technically. If we’re being specific.”

Fenris rumbles with laughter. Garrett’s pretty sure if he’d been standing any closer to Fenris he would have been able to feel the vibrations of that sound.

“Please tell me she hasn’t been spreading embarrassing stories about me to everyone at work.” He would cover his face with a hand but both are occupied, and so he just hangs his head and only chances looks at Fenris out of the corner of his eyes.

“Horribly scandalous stories, I’m afraid.”

Garrett groans and closes his eyes.

“I have heard about your fifth birthday party three times.”

“Oh, sweet Maker, strike me down now,” Garrett mutters, and now he does gulp at his wine.

“I admit, I find it fascinating that anyone could eat an entire cake without anyone noticing until he throws it all up later onto the rest of the ferris wheel riders.”

“Death would be a mercy I do not deserve, yet humbly beg of you.”

That rumbling laugh again, and Garrett risks an actual glance at Fenris. He’s smiling, the skin around his eyes crinkling in true mirth. It doesn’t sound like Fenris is mean-spirited in his teasing, just amused at the situation. Which Garrett can sometimes laugh at himself, if he’s being honest.

“I am honestly impressed that you managed to get nearly everyone else on the ride.”

And, here’s the unbelievable thing, Fenris really does sound impressed. Not disgusted. Just honestly impressed at a five-year-old Garrett’s ability to projectile vomit cake at an amusement park. That’s a first.

“It’s not my fault they built that ferris wheel with latticed roofs on the cars. They should have known better.”

Fenris barks a laugh. “That is poor design.”

“That’s what I’m saying! It’s also not my fault that mom thought I couldn’t climb up onto that counter; I’d been climbing weird shit since I was born.”

“Do you still?”

That’s a personal question. They’ve taken the turn from funny anecdote into actual conversation, and Garrett borrows courage from the wine, topping off his glass and Fenris’s, before answering. This is going leagues better than he thought it might after talking with Marian and Isabela, and though he’ll credit the wine for the initial breakthrough, the rest is just…happening.

“A little, here and there. I was big into free running for a while until, uh, some stuff happened, and I just never got quite back into it. That and I broke my ankle. Hard to run on one of those.”

‘Some stuff happened’ is Garrett’s usual way of brushing past saying ‘my father’s death really fucked me up’ so people don’t ask too many invasive questions, but Fenris is nodding like he understands. Marian was working with Fenris when their dad died, so it would stand to reason that he might know about it and make the assumption.

“Do you run anymore?”

“Now and then. I need to sign up for a race or something, hard to get motivated otherwise.”

“I understand. Would you… I do not know how far you live from Marian, but she and I are neighbors, sort of. If you wanted a running partner, that is.”

Garrett does not choke on his wine, but it’s a near thing. He’d thought, make some conversation, drink some wine, sit at the same table for dinner, and then call it a night and maybe ask Marian about Fenris after a couple weeks and see if she could arrange a party or something so they could run into each other ‘accidentally’ and then he would gather up his courage and ask Fenris on something that could be called a date if one squinted sideways at it. Things are going so well he almost doesn’t trust them. He refuses to look over at Marian and Isabela, just in case.

“Yeah! Yeah, that’d be great. There’s that little park near her place. I could meet you there? When do you run?”

Between the two of them as they keep conversing, they polish off the bottle of Aggregio before the hour ends and Marian and Isabela are escorted from receiving their guests to their table at the front of the hall for dinner. Garrett and Fenris sit on opposite sides of the table from each other, not able to continue talking, but they sneak a few glances. Garrett sees Isabela pass Marian a folded bill after they catch Garrett and Fenris in one of their looks, and Marian toasts in Garrett’s direction after that. He laughs, happy to see his sister so happy with Isabela (and glad that their first round of betting as a married couple ended in a draw, with one win each). Even his mother readjusting his shirt and tie before the speeches can’t dampen his good mood.

It’s just a running date, but Garrett has a feeling it’s the start to something wonderful.

[naturaldisasterfanfiction]

8.

Pulling a face at the fact I was sick this morning, but I am not shocked either, I am nervous about today. Today is the day, today is the day me and baby Fenty will be coming out of hiding, and I am not sure how to feel, do I want to show the world, do I want to even be exposed but I have had weeks to prepare and I am still not ready, but here I am being sick in the morning because of it. Lifting up my tee, I am not the one to boast but I have the prettiest pregnancy stomach, like it’s just perfect “I can’t wait to meet you, I mean minus the pain but I can’t wait to hold you in my arms” lightly rubbing my stomach, I am enjoying it. I think I like being pregnant, I am of course eating healthy still because I don’t want to go all out and binge eat but I am excited to hold my baby, I am feeling myself actually. Placing my tee back over my stomach, today is the day of The Diamond Ball and I am excited about it all, it will be different for us and not only that I have some of my family coming, I think they have arrived. My Grandfather is here too, I didn’t tell him, so I am a little nervous to go downstairs. Also, my dad is here, it’s time to tell more loved ones on the day, I was going to invite Chris but then it still needs to be private when it happens and then I saw a new picture of him laying his head on a girl’ booty, so nope I don’t think so. I am just beyond not feeling it, every time I get the urge to do it something comes up, like god is blocking this. He has a whole ass daughter that is near ten and he is posting pictures like that, I swear as a mother to be I am annoyed, like why the fuck would you do that. I am just going to put Chris aside and enjoy today with my loved ones, and then telling my fans the actual news. Placing my feet in my slides, let me go downstairs and let them see what I have been hiding also.

I can hear my family speaking “oh my god” looking behind me “Noella” I said looking behind me “Robyn? Oh my god” she is staring at my bump “why do I feel so emotional” Noella’ hand over her mouth staring at my stomach, small sobs leaving her lips “don’t cry” walking over to her “I am just in awe, oh my god” hugging Noella “I am shocked, Robyn. You look so well, this is what you have always wanted and to see you like this, a dream for you” I cooed out “I know, it’s something I craved and look at god” Noella is just flat out crying on my shoulder “I am so happy for you cousin” rubbing her back, I am consoling Noella forget me right now “oh god, I just. I have always imagined the day but look at it” Noella stepped back “aww my, this is baby Fenty” Noella touched my bump “hello my little Barbados king or queen, we love you so much” smiling at her “you know that will be the first place I am going too with my baby, they are going to know that is home. Promise you, how is everyone? Do they know anything?” Noella shook her head “we do but Grandfather say nothing he don’t know and Ronald doesn’t, Rajad let something slip about being fat but they ignore him” nodding my head “ok” I breathed out “this is nerve wracking, I just wanted my dad and grandfather here because it’s a lot to tell, I love you so much” wrapping my arm around Noella and kissing the side of her head, she is always here supporting me.

I am scared to walk in now “bitch you using me as cover, go away” Noella ran off “Robyn” seeing my dad’ face changed from a smile to look of horror, like someone just got killed something “hi dad” watching him slowly get up from the couch “my grandbaby gained weight?” hearing my grandfather say “Robyn” my dad said again “it is what you think it is” I said openly, my dad is in shock and I get it “come and give me a hug” my grandfather said, walking over to my grandfather “I love you” kissing his cheek hugging him, he seems not phased “why are you not freaking out?” I said as I sat next to him “because you told me, you said baby next. Baby is here” he smiled at me, I don’t want to look at my dad but I have too, he is really being dramatic but I can’t blame him “I didn’t want to tell you dad because you would talk” looking at him, oh wow my dad is crying “why is everyone crying?” I just never get it “because my daughter is having a baby, oh god” my dad is sobbing, let me get up because I thought he was going to react differently “I am, sometimes I am shocked that I am too. But it’s happening, I spoke about it a lot” hugging my dad.

My dad is very emotional about it all still, he’s really taking it not bad but emotionally bad “so I guess you are wondering, why and what happened. It wasn’t planned, it happened from one night. I don’t know, I don’t remember so that is on me, but I do know the father. You both do, it’s Chris” my dad’ eyes widened “ooohhh” my grandfather laughed as he said “Clara always said that those two would have a baby, you still love him. Clara would be laughing with me” my grandfather is doing nothing but laugh and smile “you love that boy still don’t you” I wish he wouldn’t “it’s mutual, but he is the father and he doesn’t know yet. It’s a mess, but I need my family to keep this here, this information of it being Chris’ baby has to remain in this room” I can’t stress that enough “I like Chris, he makes you happy. I know he does” my dad said “I suppose but he doesn’t know yet dad, but I just need to make sure you all keep this here. I don’t think the world is ready for this. You as my family know Chris, you judge Chris differently then to the world, you all saw how we loved. Rorrey has other opinions but this baby, it’s going to be loved. I am happy that you all are happy for me but I need the love and support from you all ok?” looking around the room “Clara would be happy for you baby, she would see the happiness in your eyes” my grandfather is going to make me cry “I wish she was here, she always told me to find a guy that loves you more then you love them. And I never got that” see now I am crying “but I got this baby now, and from your reaction, I know gran gran would be happy and laughing” I didn’t want to cry but now I am.

I decided with Ja of course that we would make the dress minimal and my makeup more stand out, because the baby bump is going to do the talking “you know what, I struggled to get things because people know who I am and who I am shopping for so I was like I am buying a dress for my mother, nosey ass bitches but then they was like maternity wear? Then I was like oh my god, so it was a terrible time, but we got it, we good. So, we are doing minimal the better, the baby bump will do the talking, cause chile. The world about to have a meltdown, exciting” smiling at Ja “where is my girl?” hearing Leandra say “go and give auntie a kiss Legend” I am just sat here waiting for Leandra to come around the corner and have a slight meltdown, I am sat in the chair facing the door anyways “in now!” Leandra shouted, she out here threatening my nephew “leave him alone” I said, Leandra looked at me and her eyes widened “Jesus!!” she spat “Jesus Christ! My holy god, what? Is this fake? Are you all lying to me?” Leandra pointed storming in, I just sat here smiling at her “surprise?” I said awkwardly “fucking surprise!? This? Oh my god, bitch. You are pregnant!” I nodded my head smiling “I am pregnant, I love you but not many know of this. I had to keep it a secret” I hope she don’t hate me “I understand why, what the fuck happened!?”  holding Leandra’ hands “drunk plus sex plus a condom where I think it broke not sure” Leandra is flabbergasted “I don’t know what to say” she said but I know she is shook “I am happy for you though” it is nice to see that many people are happy for me “who is the daddy? Unknown?” I have to laugh because she near fell out about this “it’s uhm, it’s Chris” trying to supress my laugh “no fucking way! No way! Chris Brown, his dumbass is the father!” She spat “lord Jesus, we didn’t need this in the world. Oh my Jesus, you saying we have to put up with that nigga now, whew. Robyn. My heart can’t take it, you going to tell me he is here and he about to tell me how dark I am” I laughed out “no, no. He’s not here but it’s happening. I am pregnant” Leandra smiled at me shaking her head “you are fucking crazy, I need to sit down” Leandra placed her hand over her chest walking off to sit down, I think a lot of people are going to feel this way.

I breathed in looking at myself in the mirror “you look like a goddess Rihanna” Pricilla said behind me “wow!” smiling to myself “thank you everyone” I think the minimal let the bump speak for itself look is going to be perfect “the gold dust colour just hits perfect with your skin, because you are glowing right. I did fall for the gown when I saw it because it stretches, you need it to be breathable and the way it drapes over your body, it’s just so elegant” Ja looks so proud of himself “I am happy, thank you all. I am nervous so catch me if I faint, but shall we all go? We all ready?” Ja bowed his head “my queen, after you. Wait till the family see you, I feel like you are happy. At peace somewhat” Ja held my hand as I walked to go downstairs “I am, I feel like my grandfather has made me feel this way. I feel like my gran gran is with me and he is right. She would be happy for me; she only wanted my happiness, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling the nerves. I mean come on, I am just going to release that and then walk out on the carpet? It’s a lot” walking down the steps slowly, Dennis is out here just taking plenty of pictures “don’t hurt yourself now” I chuckled “get my best side” Ja shouted “my daughter, you look so beautiful. Wow!” my dad said, I feel all shy now “thank you, I feel like I am having my wedding day but here we are. Doesn’t my bump look the cutest” my mom looked at me so proud, she is proud of me. I was honestly so scared to even tell her this but there was no reason to be, she has been my rock that I needed. Because if I didn’t have my mom or Mel then there would be no baby Fenty, I was quick to jump into abortion mode because I was scared, scared of what was going to be said about me.

My mom held my hand, we are outside the venue in this SUV and my bladder is no good with this baby. I need to pee, nervous pee but we are here now “I pray to god for you, I want god to guide you and protect you from any evil eye that will happen. There is a lot of evil eye out there, I love you so much Robyn. No matter what they say out there, you have the best prize, you have a baby that will be so loved so nobody tells you different. I am happy you kept it” smiling lightly at my mom “shall I post it?” Dennis said at the side of me “I don’t know if I am ready to show the world my baby though, I am just feeling a lot but it has to be done” I paused just thinking, I am thinking because I have one part of the news, the next will be Chris but that will be later not now “do it” I mumbled, watching Dennis press send and I just felt my heart skip a beat “oh my god” my mom pressed a kiss to my hand “I am proud of you, don’t think otherwise” nodding my head closing my eyes, I get judged so much and this will be another thing to be judged about.

Parking outside Nia’ home “see, I came and dropped you off. You called and I came?” Royalty unbuckled her belt “but you said I could come to your house and then cancelled but then you were out? I find the picture you posted rude too” I really don’t need no girlfriend in my life when I have Royalty, she is not dropping this at all “I had business to deal with and what I say about my page, it’s just silly. It was a photoshoot, that was it” Royalty pulled the door open and pushed up, she is mean mugging as she did “why you bugging? We good right?” I was going to hold her hand, but she slipped out before I could “goodnight dad, I don’t want to come to grandma’s next weekend unless it is at your house, I want to spend time with you. Even Aeko is not here anymore, he annoyed me, but I miss him, and you didn’t even tell me that happened, he is my brother too. Bye dad” she closed my car door, why are girls so sensitive. Just because I couldn’t see her she is being this way, my mother literally takes care of her anyways, I am busy and I can’t have her at the home, I have people there. She is so damn determine to be at the home, I know I promised a room for her, but it is pointless when in all honesty she won’t be there, the room can be used for the friends I have there. She will get over it, they all do.

Locking Zeus in the cage “you out here roaming the damn place, scaring the girls boy” luckily I just came back but Zeus was ready to escape, I did tell them useless niggas to lock this damn bitch up in the first place but they too busy having the party they having here, they asked and I said yes because I haven’t got anything else on “my nigga breezy” seeing Gunna just come out of my house “my nigga, you good? I am late, I had to see my daughter. You going now? You laid that verse yeah” he nodded his head “I did, I got to go though. Catch up again nigga, and you got some fine ass girls here” he added before walking off, let me go and check what is happening inside my home. Oh, this party, it is a party. Like stripper party, that is interesting to see “you took your time?” Hoody said, nodding my head “yeah, roro wasn’t playing ball and she is angry with me. I just drove around to clear my mind, but I should have came back earlier, the girl’s man. Look at them” they nice as hell “only the best for us, they all sign NDAs and no mobiles here so we good. Just pure ass shaking and money, what is going on with you and Krista now? You back with her” I shrugged “she got a man, so she says but she was fucking me last night, so I don’t know, women don’t care for their man really. I keep em like shoes” I laughed “you need some brand new shoes bruh, like you keep going to the same pussy man” Hoody got a point “she got that good, good though” walking off, let me get my weed and my papers and get this blunt made.

Krista’ quick movement of moving her leg from my lap kind of woke me out of my daze, looking over at her. I was going to say something but the confusion on her face stopped me, she must have read some shit. Oh, these girls really throwing ass around still, bopping my head placing my blunt between my lips. Krista moved closer to me “wow, ok. Just read that Rihanna is pregnant” blowing the smoke out from my lips “they say that on a daily basis, she’s just a little thick. I mean I don’t know that, I haven’t seen that in years” I lied “well I don’t think it is, that’s all on my Insta timeline. Doesn’t she have that ball or whatever” furrowing my eyebrows “uh, yeah” shuffling forward on the couch, putting my blunt out “oh well” Krista said but she is bluffing, just rumours as always. Getting my phone out from my pocket, and there was no reason to even look at Instagram. I get news headlines on my phone, to keep up with the world and there, on my screen ‘Rihanna shocks the world with a pregnancy announcement’ I felt the blood drain from my face, like everything was blocked out and the whole room is silent, I don’t think it’s true. Unlocking my phone, tapping on Instagram. Tapping in badgalriri with such urgency, to see a post that it is a lie, it has to be. Seeing the first video and tapping on it but then backed out of it, no this is stupid. She would do a pregnancy shoot, like that is a lie. Backing out of her profile, looking at my tagged post. Tapping on the first post ‘Chris Brown must be crying in the corner now’ the caption and the picture “oh my god” I breathed out, she is really pregnant. Backing out of that post and tile after tile is Robyn pregnant body, throwing my phone to the ground “Chris” Krista grabbed my arm but I got up from the couch and kicked my phone away, nobody flinched or cared that I did that, like it was normal.

Looking up at the sky from my basketball court, closing my eyes sighing out. Every image of us is flooding my mind, I never wanted this and it shouldn’t affect me like this but when you love someone you love them, I have always continued to love her from afar, she is my soulmate but she is lost, I am lost and she treated me like shit. This just makes me think why Mel wanted me there, was it to belittle me and a ploy to make me look a fool, Drake’ smug ass really got there. Always a battle between me and him and he got there, I don’t know what I expected. I didn’t think I would feel this way, but I always wanted to have a baby with Robyn, to be happy. I am angry and sad, that is it now, but it has always been it for us. We never were going to be together whether I wanted it or not, she is too into that industry bullshit and would want that then me, I am just in a bubble. I can’t even bring myself to say congratulations, everyone is laughing at me because they all know how I felt about her, I mean what did I expect. Did I expect her to never have a baby or be happy, but we always had each other. This is really it “fuck” I breathed out with my head low.

[timehealsfanfictionbka]

Time Heals.....Chapter Fifty-Three

“Robyn, why are we at the airport?” Chris asked as she pulled into a parking spot in the long term airport parking.

“If I say something is a surprise, why are you asking me about what I’m doing?”

“Because it’s the same thing you’ve done to me. We’re switching roles, right?”

“No, I’m just pulling a you on you and besides I’m better at this anyway.”

“And why you say that?”

“Because I know how to ignore you. Now out the car, Christopher.”

Chris sucked his teeth and climbed out of the passenger seat as Robyn turned off the car and got out. She moved to the trunk and opened it before pointing at two small duffle bags, “can you get our bags please?”

“If you tell me where we’re going.”

“We can go home if you gonna be acting like this. Just grab the bags.”

“You so damn mean and aggressive.”

“I am not. I’m trying to do something nice for you.”

“Sure.”

Robyn rolled her eyes and started walking towards the airport entrance with Chris following behind her. She stopped at a kiosk to check in and get their tickets before heading towards the gate. Chris looked at the departure screen for the location that corresponds to their gate and smiled, “New Orleans, huh?”

“Surprised you took the time to look at the screens. You normally just walk past them.”

“Well normally, I know where I’m going so I don’t have to look. What made you pick New Orleans?”

“I always wanted to go so why not take my boyfriend with me.”

“I’m honored.”

“You should be.”

Chris rolled his eyes and Robyn laughed as she found some seats near the service desk. Chris sat down next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, “please tell me we’re gonna do one of their boat cruises.”

“We are. We’ll discuss the choices when we get there.”

“Why are we coming back on Sunday?”

“Because I have a job to be at on Monday.”

“You making me feel like a cheap date.”

“Boy, this was not planned months ago so I spent a nice little bag. Far from a cheap date.

“A weekend isn’t that long though.”

“If you know how to plan your time, a weekend is long enough.”

“Touché. How long is the flight?”

“About an hour and fifteen.”

“Really? I didn’t realize it was that short. We could’ve been came here.”

“I have a life though so we couldn’t have just went to New Orleans.”

“You don’t work on weekends, right?”

“Not answering that.”

“Robyn. I thought we talked about this.”

“Talked about what? I told you I would stop bringing work home.”

“Yea but didn’t mean trade it out for going to work on the weekends.”

“It’s only for a few hours.”

“Few hours too long. Come on, Babe.”

“Don’t you start fussing at me.”

“Somebody needs to. You were supposed to be taking time for yourself when the girls are with me.”

“I am. I just happened to be working during that time.”

“Am I gonna have to start making sure you take time off?”

“No.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure. I do not need you looking over my shoulder.”

“Really? I don’t have a problem coming over and finding something other than work for you to do.”

“I bet you don’t. Nasty.”

“I wasn’t even thinking like that. And you call me nasty.”

“My Bad.”

“Question.”

“What?”

“Do I get a biting reprieve this weekend?”

“Do you want one?”

“I think so.”

“you got it.”

Chris furrowed his brow, “that was too easy.”

“What? You wanted me one so I’m giving you one. All you had to do was say something.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously. Even though I think you like it just as much as I do.”

“You just gonna switch it out for something else, aren’t you?”

“No and even if I was, why would I tell you? I never told you when I was gonna bite you, did I?”

“That’s-“

 “Now boarding first class to New Orleans, Louisiana”

  Chris was interrupted as the attendant came over the loudspeaker. Robyn pulled their boarding passes out of her pocket while Chris grabbed both of their bags. He followed behind her as they moved to the door. Within a few minutes, they were in their assigned seats with their bags tucked underneath their feet.

“You hungry?” Robyn asked as she started digging around in her purse.

“No, I’m good. You?”

Robyn held up a sandwich and a soda, “nope, I’m good.”

“Where in the hell did you get that?”

“Mama Fenty. I was still hungry after dinner so she packed me something.”

“Why are you still hungry? It’s been barely been a few hours.”

“Because I am.”

“Aren’t we eating dinner when we land? It’s only a one hour flight.”

“And? Your point is?”

“Never mind.”

“I’m not pregnant so don’t even think it.”

“How do you know?”

“Considering I’ve been pregnant before, I think I would know better than you.”

“Ok.”

“Chris, when I told you about that, it was not for you to watch me to think I’m pregnant or not. I know the risks but I also know how to take care of myself. I’m not pregnant.”

“I said Ok.”

“You said ok but that’s not what you mean. I do not want to be concerned about how much I eat or sleep because you’re gonna start thinking I’m pregnant. If I was, I’d tell you. This isn’t 8 years ago. Relax.”

“I respect that and I’m sorry.”

“Honestly, I don’t need the sorry, just stop doing it.”

“You got it.”

Chris leaned over and kissed her cheek and Robyn squeezed his hand, “love you.”

“Love you too.”

                                                  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 “Maison de la Luz,” Chris said in disbelief as he walked into the suite, “is this a hotel or apartment building?”

Robyn laughed as she sat down on the couch, “it’s a hotel but all their rooms are suites. You like it?”

“It’s beautiful. I could live in a place like this.”

“Really? Wasn’t expecting you to like something this extravagant.”

“I don’t think it’s too extravagant. It’s just a nice space.”

“You made a nice choice, Babe. Maybe better than mine.”

“I think this place and Italy are on the same level. So we got some time before dinner, what you wanna do?”

“What’s after dinner?”

“I didn’t plan anything for tonight. Tomorrow, I wanted to walk the French Quarter before the dinner cruise”

“We should see if they have any movie theaters or something.”

“Old or new?”

“Movies?”

“Yea.”

“I think an older movie would be good.”

“How about we turn dinner into takeout and watch an older movie here?”

“You wanna stay in with me?”

“I think I wanna hang out with my boyfriend instead of dating him for a night.”

“There’s a difference?”

“Big difference. It’s about intimacy, not romance.”

“Can you have one without the other?”

“Absolutely. We were intimate friends without romance for years.”

“But we’re not friends.”

“We’re not? So since we started dating that means we stopped being friends?”

“No, I just think we’re deeper than friends.”

“These things aren’t mutually exclusive. We can be lovers and friends but that’s if we really want to.”

“If you believe it’s possible then so do I.”

Robyn smiled, “you’ll see.”

“I’m trusting you.”

   Robyn scrolled through a few pay per view channels before settling on one showing the movie Carmen Jones featuring Dorothy Dandridge. Chris was still in the shower when their food order arrived. She spread it out buffet-style on a console that was placed against the back of the couch.

“Babe, the food is here!”

“You don’t have to yell, I’m right here.”

Robyn turned around to see Chris coming to sit next to her on the couch, “I thought you fell asleep in there.”

“Nah, just getting my mind together.”

“What you mean?”

“I gotta get in friendship mode, Ms. Fenty.”

“That required an extended shower?”

Chris shrugged his shoulders.

“You were in there jerking off, weren’t you?” Robyn said with a laugh.

“Hey, it was either that or this goes from movie night to date night real quick.”

“I could’ve handled that for you.”

“Friend Robyn doesn’t give me a handjob.”

“I guess.”

“You thought about it before, didn’t you?”

“I had a crush on you back then, of course I thought about it.”

“I mean you’ve never seen me naked.”

“No, you never knew that I saw you naked. Big difference.”

“When did you see me naked?”

“In Barbados, when I brought you with me that one summer.”

“I don’t remember that.”

“Because you’re a lightweight with liquor. We went out with Leandra and Melissa, you got absolutely shitfaced on rum punch and I had to clean you up before my mother got home.”

“That was you? I swore I was dreaming that.”

Robyn laughed as she ate a piece of crawfish bread, “you’d be amazed how much stuff I did for you that you’d probably never remember.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“What was there to say? I helped you out when you were drunk, no big deal.”

“How much stuff have you done that I don’t remember or know about?”

“None of your business. You want me to fix your plate?”

“No, I got it.”

“Make sure to get some crawfish bread, it’s really good. I should’ve ordered another serving.”

“Are you really gonna ignore my question?”

“I didn’t ignore it, I answered it then changed the subject. Now hurry up so we can watch the movie properly.”

Chris moved to make him a plate of food before sitting back down on the couch next to her. Robyn leaned her head on his shoulder and Chris kissed her temple  as she pressed play on the movie.

   “Come on, you’re cheating,” Robyn grumbled.

Chris laughed as he gathered the cards in his hand to shuffle them again, “It’s not my fault you suck.”

“I do not suck. You’re cheating.”

“Whatever. Put the money back on the table.”

Robyn playfully stomped her foot as she threw the three ones she had in her hand back into the pile, “what are we playing next?”

“Well I don’t wanna take all your money so… truth or dare?”

“Isn’t your arrogance cute? You won the last game we played so you can go first.”

“Truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

Chris tapped the playing cards against his chin before he started shuffling them between his hands again, “Did you ever try to seduce me while you were in college?”

“Did I what?”

“Robyn, you heard me.”

“I’m just making sure. What would make you ask me that?”

“The first time I flew to visit you in school and we stayed at that hotel, I distinctly remember you acting a lot flirty.”

Robyn chuckled, “to be honest, no I never tried to seduce you.”

“Why not?”

“Two reasons. One, you were easy, I really didn’t have to try; I could’ve just told you I wanted to have sex and you would’ve done it. Two, you were easy and there was nothing to be gained from us having sex.”

“I don’t know whether to be flattered or insulted.”

“Both would suffice.”

“So what was the outfits and stuff about?”

“Chris, I was 21 and away from home with my best friend. I just wanted to have fun. If having sex with you was the motive, I would’ve done a lot more than brush my ass up against you while we were lying in bed.”

“Listen, you had my body utterly confused that weekend.”

Robyn laughed, “why?”

“I’m sleeping in the bed with you. You have on nothing but a crop top and a pair of leggings with not a panty line in sight and your ass is literally pressed directly against my dick. And whenever I would move, you would move with me. It drove me crazy.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because it drove me crazy,” Chris replied with a wink.

“You’re gross.”

“You love me.”

“Truth or dare, Christopher.”

“Dare.”

“You would pick dare, wouldn’t you? Stand on the balcony naked.”

“Full nude or underwear on?”

“Naked means naked. Full nude, Mr. Brown.”

“Got it.”

Chris sat the playing cards down on the coffee table and stood up to pull his shirt over his head.

“Your piercings heal good?”

“Yea, I haven’t had a problem with them,” Chris replied as he tugged his boxers and pants down at the same time, “yours?”

“Same.”

Chris toed off his socks then stood with his hands on his hips, “good?”

“You’re good. To the balcony.”

“How long?”

“Two minutes should do it.”

Chris moved to the balcony with Robyn following behind him. She giggled as he paused behind the curtains, “what’s the matter?”

“There’s people outside.”

“Police?”

“No.”

“Children?”

“No.”

“So what’s the problem? It’s not like the balcony is facing the street. You’ll be alright.”

Chris turned and looked at her, “all this because I won a few hands of Poker?”

“Now I am not the vengeful type but a dare is a dare. Go.”

Chris huffed as he stepped onto the balcony. Robyn set the timer on her phone for 2 minutes then leaned against the wall to watch Chris through the window.

“Don’t lean over either trying to hide, stand up, Christopher.”

“I am so gonna get you, Robyn.”

“You can try. One minute left.”

Another minute went by and Robyn called him back in. She looked down and bit down on her lip, “cold?”

“Don’t try and play me like that. Even if it’s freezing, not gonna happen”

Robyn laughed as she moved to toss Chris’s clothes at him. He sat them down on a nearby chair and Robyn frowned at him, “uh excuse me, shouldn’t you be getting dressed?”

“Nah but you should be getting undressed.”

“Friendship, Christopher.”

“You love killing my fun, Robyn.”

“You don’t know how to have fun without trying to get me naked.”

“Now that’s a lie.”

“Yea right.”

“And that’s hypocritical as your first dare was to get me naked.”

“You could’ve refused.”

“That ruins the whole premise of truth or dare, though”

“Never said there were rules.”

Chris sucked his teeth as he pulled his pants on and tossed his boxers on top of his shirt that was still left in the chair, “what time is it?”

“Almost 11. Why you tired?”

“Nah but you look like it. I forget you can’t be up all times of the night, Grandma.”

“I am not old so fuck you.”

“You- never  mind.”

Robyn smirked as she took a sip of her water, “surprised you caught yourself. We cuddled as friends right?”

“Yea.”

“Good.”

Robyn set her glass down and walked over to straddle Chris’s lap. He wrapped his arms around her back as she tucked her face into his neck, “I’m guessing this is what you meant by intimate but not romantic.”

“Yea. Sometimes I just want to cuddle with you.”

“We don’t have to be in friendship mode for that.”

“I know but I want to. I miss when we were younger where I could cuddle with you or sit on your lap and not be concerned about whether it would be received as sexual or not. Romance comes with expectations.”

“Remember when we went to Barbados and you took me swimming.”

“And you freaked out because you thought you saw a shark.”

“That was a big ass fish, first of all. Secondly, that’s not the part I was referring to.”

“You mean when you called yourself water dancing?”

“Yes.”

“I can admit that was cute, even though you almost made me seasick.”

“Hey, you let me spin you around though.”

“I did.”

“Remember the first night you stayed over.”

“You mean you sneaked me into your house. I’m surprised Mama J didn’t try to kill me.”

“She loved you besides she knew you were coming over.”

“No she didn’t.”

“Yes, she did. I told her the night before.”

“So why did you have me come in through your window?”

“I didn’t feel like getting up to open the door and my bedroom window was already open.”

“What the fuck?”

Chris laughed, “Sorry.”

“I almost broke my damn ankle climbing through that window.”

“I thought you would be more limber, Ms. Track Runner.”

“Fuck you.”

“I knew then you’d do anything for me.”

“And you took advantage of it.”

“No, I didn’t. I didn’t appreciate it as much as I should’ve but I did not take advantage of it.”

“Ch….please.”

“You really think that?”

“Can you really look back on our childhood and think you didn’t take advantage of my loyalty to you?”

Chris sighed and moved his fingertips along the skin of her back, “I concede that I did have my moments.”

“Thank you.”

“So what’s the plan for tomorrow?”

“Figured we’d wander around the French Quarter and downtown then do the jazz dinner cruise.”

“Sounds good. Can we get out of friendship mode real quick?’

“Depends on why.”

“I wanna kiss you.”

“We kissed as friends.”

“That is true,” Chris cupped her chin and pecked her lips, “you know we did do a lot of relationship things as friends. Now it makes less sense as to why we thought a relationship wouldn’t work out.”

“You weren’t ready to be a committed man and I wasn’t gonna be competing with your hoes.”

“I wouldn’t make you compete with anybody.”

“Hindsight is 20/20 Chris and you cannot sit here with me and think that there wouldn’t have been an issue with your little girls and me if you decided you wanted to date me. Even if you didn’t start it, they would’ve.”

“You make me sound like a horrible guy.”

“No, just a horny ass teenager with a lack of discretion.”

“Ouch.”

“Truth hurts, Baby.”

[shadowglens]

2, 24, 36, 47 for annika/keeshan and fran/fenris !

2. who wants to stay in bed just a little longer?

fran x fen — it’s always fran. her bed is just so comfortable, and the world is just so shit sometimes, and mornings are the only time she allows herself to be lazy and gross (as lazy and gross as fran can ever be). fenris doesn’t mind lazing, but prefers to get going and be productive.

annika x keeshan— both of them are early risers and like to get moving far too early (heathens honestly), and even if they ever had a moment to breath i think they’re both so stuck in their habits that they’d still be up with the birds. maybe keeshan would laze just a little bit, but by laze i mean sleeps in until like 6:00am instead of getting up at 5.

24. who’s the better cook?

fran x fen— fran knows more recipes and is generally better at it, mostly as a result of leandra teaching her from a young age, but fenris enjoys the act of cooking a lot more. 

annika x keeshan— annika is better mostly because keeshan doesn’t really care about cooking so long as it’s warm and edible and tastes vaguely ok. years of rations and in-field meals have kind of ruined both of their taste buds though, so even though both of them can cook they don’t really feel the need to, at least nothing fancy.

36. which one is the secret snuggler?

fran x fen— fenris, definitely. fran doesn’t mind when he gets cuddly in bed, but doesn’t tend to initiate. she’s just not used to it, and fenris gets a lot of comfort from snuggling if he’s having a bad night.

annika x keeshan— i want to say keeshan, but i think they both probably like cuddling a bit in bed. the physical comfort of holding each other in bed is important for them, and helps them get a good sleep. 

47. who says i love you first? how did it happen?

fran x fen— fenris says it first, and it’s not long after they deal with danarius. fran understood he needed space after everything that had happened, and even though she probably realised her feelings first she let them sit so he could figure himself out. i imagine their romance flows fairly similar to how it goes in canon.

annika x keeshan— annika yells it out first after an argument, when they’re reunited for the millionth time and have been dancing around Feelings for literally years at this point, and she’s flushed beet red from embarrassment because she’s never done this before and this is keeshan, seasoned aggressive war veteran keeshan, and she’s snapping at him about being reckless and then he’s kissing her and … that was that lol. it was a bit of a mess but it got these two stubborn idiots into a relationship they’d been dancing around for years and it was good for both of them.