#Lemme tell u they have so many cool statues in there man

[notacluedo]

Statue and painting sketches :D

[miaxeu]

      though the mist might prevent some from seeing it, MIA STOEGER is actually a descendent of DIONYSUS. it’s still a question of whether or not the TWENTY-ONE year old MYTHOLOGICAL STUDIES MAJOR from LOS ANGELES, USA has taken after HER godly parent completely, but the demigod is still known to be quite CHARISMATIC & DUPLICITOUS. 

( y’all dont deserve this real messy intro but im workin w half a bwain cell at 4am so i beg thee 4 mercy. nywyy im the excited new girl who’s hella pumped to meet all ur charas : katya ! feel free to hop in my ims to plot or drop a like and i’ll hop in urs ! x  )

POWERS

natural acting abilities — her ma’s a hollywoo agent so she started actin real early & now shes a big shot actress. there r more deetz on her career below !

chlorokinesis — it wasnt as natural as acting n she only started working on it when she turned 13 n started going to camps. b4 she just noticed shes good w plants but it wasnt super crazy or nything. its p good now tho ! shes prioritizing vine binding and manipulation 4 the self defense bc awards r cool n all but they dont rlly protecc from monsters ykwim 

levitation — shes trying her best ur honor

alcokinesis  — she cant conjure it or anything, she’s just immune to it ffff

BIO POINTS — cw: drug use ( full biography here )

her mom raised her by herself bc dionysus the party god was out of the picture immediately. she never told mia she’s a demigod & it was always just “ wow ur so talented ” or “ aww u got a green thumb ! ” but when she saw him claim 13 y/o mia by placing a weird hologram over her head while she slept, she knew she had to spill da beanz & tell her kid

ofc mia thought her mom was jus playing sum weird acting exercise w her bc her powers r so lowkey she could highkey just be a Mortal but insert sad whistle, the realizashun & the claiming meant heightened monster threat !! so yea ,,, one ended up chasing her a couple days later rip 

aside from the trauma, mia was ok. mostly bc she ended up cryin for dionysus like any child would n lo & behold he came & helped !!! as he should. nywy she made sure to go to summer camps every year after that but mostly just for protection purposes

she lowkey rlly hates this whole god business esp now that shes grown lmfao deadass thinks she got a bad deal bc life threats arent sexy !!! went to eonia eventually bc its Too Much Man. she just wants to go back to work and her life w the mortals w/o worryin for her life. would deadass fade her father if she could. may or may not be majoring in greek mythology to figure out the logistics of it all out of spite, who knows !

PERSONALITY

not ! a Drama Queen  —  dont get me wrong, shes hella Extra in the way she moves n acts sorta like shes always bein captured on film. is quick-witted & playful & can be a huge tease/flirt if she feels like it, but miss her w Real Feelings ! totally not sentimental. srsly she will try to rationalize away everything and is just,.,., not good w it. so soz folks, we just keepin it breezy here

ugh, she’s an Actress — aka she can act like she cares tho ! shes very much into keeping ppl on her good side. shes friendly n palatable to everyone bc its how shes been trained & while it doesnt seem fake, its def diff when its genuine

The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known —  lemme circle back to the first one, ok so shes good w emotions but only in theory. does intense character work with her roles so she thinks that counts as her having eq when rlly shes just emotionally stunted, projecting n repressing like an idiot

blonde, skinny, rich, & a lil bit of a Bitch — shes only a bitch inwardly or to ppl she trusts enuff to let in on the gossip. if anyone full on opposes her or becomes real emotional, then this lil diva will rear its superiority complex head n snap a lil. will most probably do it v underhandedly n w a smile but it will be Brutal

girls just wanna have FUN ! — shes the child of da party god, so ofc she a true party girl. officially off the rails when she parties. inhibitions ? we dk her. can be insensitive in that case bc smtms its truly no strings attached, tis all abt the fun. likes company a lot & it doesnt even have 2 be loud or particularly abt her, she just likes having people around n the escapism of it all. will make friends with everyone n make sure they have a jolly fun time guaranteed at dionysus parties 

Work Hard, Play Hard — real responsible when it comes to work and commitments and if she trusts/likes u enough, she’ll give it 2 u straight, no bs. def thinks Calling Out is an act of love but maybe does it a lil too harshly smtms. v much into efficiency, sentiments be damned. not the feely words type. will sit next to u or party w u or even pay 4 ur therapist if u need sum1 to talk to. she will Be There while u work thru it, so long as u dont expect her to change n be all emotional n stuff

if she seems a lil contradictory thats bc she kinda is. tis the good ol nurture vs nature. her ma’s a real no nonsense chick n her pops is a frat guy drama geek greek god whos rlly into cottagecore so u get this lil blonde bitch whos sorta teetering on the edges

OTHER INFO  — cw: drug use ( full headcanons here )

re her career, she achieved pegot status when she was 18 aka she truly b dat bitch. shes not super mainstream famous tho, more like indie sweetheart, film snobs/critics fave typa gal. if ya want a trajectory she started w baby commercials then a sitcom from 4-10 ( think modern fam’s lily ) then it was off to the big screen & the stage ! 

mia has a lil bit of a drug habit. its not abusive or dependent, but it is a staple whenever shes parties bc alcohol is useless 2 her. started a lil young too bc hollywoo. primarily uppers/hallucinogens. she smokes weed a lil more liberally but the rest is mostly just an on occasion thing ( which, ngl, is a still a lil problematic when u party a lot rip )

after she got claimed, mia ended up going to demigod camps in a lot of diff places n countries, depending on where production would take her. there was never an established place, more like wherever was nearest when they wrapped up shooting bc monsters afoot n wutnot  

she was always homeschooled but she still managed to go to a prom and homecoming bc party is life. that makes eonia uni p much her first chance at having a normal educational environment & experience and even then its anything but. still tho this is her moment !!! im lit rally begging her to get a personality that isnt her internally rolling her eyes going “ its not that deep ”

might put up a bio/stats page if im feelin sxc but i wud jus like the records to show that mia stoeger is a bi sxc babe bc me ? write a het ? no grassy ass.

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS — cw: drug use ( full connections here )

omg danny devito i love ur work ! 

,,, p self explanatory sdkjfs sum1 who loves her work ! it can be lowkey/highkey fangirl to a civil admiration

OR alternatively, y/m can Not Be a fan of her work. they might think the storyline of the projects she takes on r too out of touch n highbrow yada yada yada, but yes, we love to see either of it ! 

summer camp sweetheart !  

someone she met when at camp when they were teens ? doesnt matter in what country/city, but mia was only visiting so it was truly a one summer romance typa thing. bc she was younger, im thinkin 13-17 or w/e she was probably sweeter n a lot more emotional then. was it either’s first puppy love ? first kiss ? first “ relationship ? ” idk, do yk ? truly, so many possibilities. nothin set in stone just hmu bub 

summer camp pals ! 

p much the same as above but make it Platonic

party buddies !

or druggie pals. either way works but she wud luv it if theyre both xoxo

friends w benefits !

most probably ( but not limited to ) sum1 she met at a party skdjhsjk is it exclusive ? is any1 starting to develop feelings ? im down 4 nthing n evrything

alexa play true friend by hannah montana !

give mia her college bestie ! her confidant who knows her feels and can call each other out viciously with no ounce of resentment. we stan the friendships !

omg i love ur skirt !

that is the ugliest effing skirt i've ever seen. lmao basically sum1 mia pretends to like or acts civil w but rlly ,,,, Cannot Stand for w/e rzn   

im p much braindead rn but those are just sum ideas !!! ofc the usual staples like the pals, enemies, wutnots are also v welcome we love to see it. if u also have a wc that u think mia would fit in, id luv to know more ! there are also a couple more detailed ones here, but pls feel free to shoot me a msg n we can get 2 plotting x 

( * wipes brow * how did i type so much n say so little rip. mia is also a completely new muse so pls b patient n if i fuq up from time to time, pretend u do not see >.< nywy thnx 4 readin, sweets ! feel free to hmu here or at discord if ya wanna <3333 )

FULL INFO  ||  EONIA TASKS 

[mikkock]

Hey hi your murder mystery art is super totally cool and amazing and I'd like to Extra! Extra! hear all about it *rattles bells*

haha wow i cant believe ud ask me THIS! unbelievable! now im gonna have to make a long post!

all info under the cut cause im kind like that ♥

For reasons I felt like making a Fancy Ass murder mystery story, with you know, hella complex secret storylines and everyone having drama and shit, and one person died but the more the story goes the less people care about who did the murder and the more they want tHE JUICY DETAILs. X and Y had an afFAIR you say!!! well that’s thousands time more interesting than that murder that happened, who cares about the culprit its not like any of us are going anywhere anyway! tell me more about the marital issues!

The ultimate Vibes are Clue (the game, ya kno, it had a movie too, and that movie was shot with three different endings -fun fact- so that movie theatres could play one alternatively that way people wouldnt get spoiled or even if they did they would not get the ending they were spoiled or even if all three were spoiled you couldnt know which ending you were getting anyway, big dick move, cause its an old movie and film is expensive, also that movie stupid and campy, ALSO I ONLY LEARNED MAKING THIS AU THAT IN ENGLISH THE GAME’S CALLED “CLUE” wE CALL IT CLUEDO therefore my wip playlist is called cluedo. because. fuck it.)(i just have an emotional attachment to that game i even had a cd rom video game version and it was the spookiest shit for a 6 years old, trust me, i played it so much tho i didnt even understand the rULES i was just making scenarios like gathering the characters in rooms n making conversations outloud cause honestly the banter is the best part of a murder mystery) ANYWAY that sure is a whole paragraph of tangent. 

BUT YE the inspo from the Clue game. you can tell it from the Colours obviously, everyone’s colour codded.(even everyone’s name is colours as well you’ll see it’s real dang fancy! im just remaking that game but with 2932020 characters and more behind the scenes drama and also for gay people.)

So BASIC PLOT!

Sir Belyy, the dude in white, is The Rich Powerful Respected Fancy Boss, and he throws a Fancy Reception Party with his closest friends and associates to celebrate the opening of a new branch of his business. All the lads gather in his wonderful little very isolated mansion in the middle of nowhere, like ok he got a death wish or something or he’s very trusting of his business partners, but not a good move, cause in the middle of the reception, as A Phat Storm Starts (for plot convenience, we going with a campy vibe if you couldnt tell), his body is found, it’s awful, there’s a killer on the loose! All the guests gather, and attempt to maybe contact the authorities, to not avail, since The Storm ya know, phone lines are Broken my dude. Its clear that the culprit is among them, since no one could have entered the house, or left it (cuz once again, ThE sTORm). And then it’s all about interrogating each other, distrust, alliances and betrayal, revealing one’s deepest secrets when they form an alibi and revealing someone else’s deepest secret for they could be a motive! Meanwhile there’s a dead body in the mansion just chillin there. 

.

So as I mentioned, I changed everyone’s name to be colour related (or ya know, food or flowers of that colour cause sometimes a colour in a language would not work as a name given the way names work in that culture all that jazz) which is the trippiest thing cause tHATS NOT YALLS USUAL NAMES but its fun (also changed so many ages hgfhs it was a trip)(still no one’s really old i guess i got boomerphobia). The “Cast” is clearly the most important part, and if ur a True “My OCs” Connaisseur (hdfghd the most useful skill to have, knowing *MY* Charactersdshgd) you may have recognised some faces and can already read some vibes and predict who will be progressing the plot and who will be yelling at people throwing accusations ghdfgd.

(god i wish i hadnt slacked off making the portraits of everyone in that AU i only have 3 tho that’s so sad so ill just make little sketches just cause <3 only text??? i got too many hoes with no attention span for that)

.

Sir BELYY (the one who dIEs lmao)

(bust shot missing the fact that this man is the tallest beefiest lad around)

Intimidating, powerful, composed, wealthy, carries the name of a family who has generations of control to it’s reputation, he’s The Man that hoes who believe in the economy wishes they were. As in, the “self made” man who only just happened to benefit from having a wealthy background to uplift his plans. In his youth, he wanted to prove his worth, seperated himself from his father, started a business, that business became big, then got attached to the family’s business, bam back to square one but with Reputation now. There seemed to be VERY big tension between him and The Father, some speculate it had to do with his unknown mother, and some family drama there, and it never got resolved as old man Belyy died quite young (the jUICY speculations are that current sir Belyy mURDEREd old man sir Belyy, fucked up if true!). People love him though in general, as he has that reputation of “Cold Lad With a Gold Heart” aka he takes people under his wings, donates, doesnt treat his employees like the absolute worst garbage etc... you know, he’s rich and a half decent person, so obviously he’s an angel on earth. But does it matter though, he’s dead! that’s the concept of the story!  

Mr.GRAY (the grey guest)(who could have guessed from the name)

He’s one of Sir Belyy’s oldest employees, and benefits from a high rank in the company. But, sadly for him, he’s been stagnating lately, as newer, youngest employees seem to have Belyy’s favours, and are his prefered associates for important tasks and positions. Therefore he has Some Bitterness, Some Salt, Some Distaste, some unbriddled but professionally muted hatred for Specific people in the company. He can be an antagonistic figure, but the amount of time he spent in Belyy’s circle grants him an immense quantity of information about the man, but mostly, about his business. Anything about the company’s history, dealings, operations, he’s aware of, either having been told of them, or having snooped around to obtain, immune to being questioned due to his legitimacy in the company.

Mr.LIM (the green guest)

Remember when it was said that Gray had beef with some employees cause they were younger and rose to high ranks faster than him and became Belyy’s favourite over him? Yeah well here comes the one he hates the most for that (ofc he’s belyys fave cuz he’s Mine <3) Our lad caught Belyy’s attention for his Exploits in like, em fancy high school tournaments of smart people, it’s a thing its ridiculous, making kids compete on Smart stuff for the pride of their schools n shit, well homie Lim got clout when doing that, and Belyy was extremely interested cause that kid’s main thing was how “this young lad got mad strategic skills tf are u a war general or smth how fancy”, and that’s a coveted skill for ruthless business. So as soon as the kid is an adult, bam, join the company my dude. And because he’s just that Cool n Sexy ofc he met the expectations Belyy had, and old man Belyy got attached cuz it do be such a young lad, a kid, mentally i am adopting. That’s how you get a youngas employee becoming the right hand man of one the phatest CEO in a few years, and even make your way into being a Good Lad on top of a business partner. And that’s how you get Gray to hate your ass too. Now though, fine lad with mad strategic skills, rising to power that fast, and even infiltrating Belyy’s private life? If I were Gray I’d call suspicion there’s surely some shady stuff going no way we’re just dealing with a nice fella who just happens to work good and be friendly to the boss right?

Herra MUSTA (the black “guest”)

Belyy’s newest butler, assistant, house keeper, he multitasks. His family has been tied to Belyy’s for generations, fullfilling roles of help, but also of confidents. He’s been the head butler since only a short time, after his mother passed, and as such is still “in training” you could say, despite having served the family his whole life. There are rumours going around that the contract tying his family to the Belyys may end on his generation and need to be resigned. He known the manor by heart, and carries all keys to any locked room (and mostly, The Master Key, cause in an old house, some doors may be locked beyond all still existing keys). He also knows secrets of the family that no one else knows, but good luck getting em out of him, he’s under contract not to divulge em bro.

Mr. HASSEL (the brown guest)

Belyy’s childhood friend. They grew up together, pictured their dreams together, sworn to flourish together, worked together when starting the company, and then Hassel felt he should create his own thing instead of depending on his friend’s existing wealth, and while Belyy’s business went wild, his never took off. They still stayed very close, despite the massive difference in wealth. Belyy considers him his closest friend, the one person he can trust (fucked if hassel did the murder lemme tell u). So of course, he’s still always invited to the Prestigious meet ups where’s he’s free to feel uncomfortably out of place amongst all the rich and powerful people that he could have been a part of had he had a tiny bit of luck and a small loan from a wealthy relative...People LOVE saying he’s still hanging out with Belyy so much to leech off his wealth, cause of course they do! His bestie status means he has a whole different brand of information of Belyy than his butler does, the Most Intimate Stuff, the Childhood Stuff. The Juicy stuff ya kno...But Bro Code, its all secrets...

Sir RUZH (the red “guest”)

Deep dive into Belyy’s personnal history, the man has many employees working at his house keeping it working, clean, ya know the vibe. They live on the premice, one has a kid who’s just a Joy to be around, all the employees just vibe with that lad, he’s just a born socialite you know? Belyy gets to meet the kid, and also hella vibes with him. And because human are influenced by their feelings, he gives the kid’s mum a bit of a preferencial treatment, in the tasks she fullfils and all, til he gives her an important-as mission, and then there’s an accident n mama dies, and now Belyy got guilt and there’s this kid who just Vibes. So naturally the move is to take the kid in, and play on how his vibes are just so clean, and raise him to be the Perfect Entertainer for guests, bam, its soft power propaganda, if everyone loves your now son’s vibes, they associate them with you too. And also that’s kind of a clean rep, the selfless man who adopted his employee’s son to not have him fall to the streets, how heartwarming. Not at all traumatising for the kid too I bet! But anyway now the lad is just the most charming young adult, mission accomplished. He’s always present at any reception, ready to work his people-pleasing magic, and then going back to a gigantic empty manor to wait for the next and curate the perfect vibes to meet the expectations of dad. On the plus side, he knows everyone, and those who don’t know him cannot wAIT to, he’s just got that aura ya know. People skills for miles, and the insider knowledge that comes with being the son of the CEO, all this hidden behind the personna of the fresh innocent bashful party lad. 

Dr.FEN (the pink guest)

Do not get mistaken by the title, he’s no doc, he will not diagnose you with anything, he just studied long enough to get the sexy title. Study in what? Haha. Nothing shady. Just toxicology. He’s a world reknown poison expert basically, that’s his main thing. Oh but don’t worry, of course studying substances that may kill people is only for finding out how to cure them from it of course. What brings him in this circle? Simple, Belyy may or may not have started to suffer some weird illness that no doctor has been able to find the source, let alone cure, of. Him and Dr.Fen had met previously on some event, cause some rich man also love flexing how smart they are and attending sciencey shit, and he was contacted as sort of a shot in the dark. The lad does know how to treat some things, maybe he can treat The Mysterious Unwellness, since no traditional doctor was able to. He knows science, he’s trustworthy, bam, you’re hired to work on My Case Exclusively. Thanks to this, Dr.Fen has access to the whole health history of Belyy and his family, to many mANY dangerous substances, and also has The Respect of the hoes at the party. He HAS a doctorate after all. Epitome of knowledge. And he’s a kind to people and he wears pink like dang how can you nOT pour your wHOLE trust in him. 

Sir MOREVITCH (the blue guest)

Youngest son of an affluent family, who used to be close the the Belyys. The two families fell slightly appart after the death of the previous head of the family on the Belyy side, as they do nOT vibe with the current one (well current, til the first night of the story ig). But, unbeknownst to all, one strong link had been kept, between the youngest of the Morevitch, who dislikes his family and wishes to emancipate himself from them while also assuring his depart will not throw him basically in the streets, and our beloved Sir Belyy, who also dislikes the Morevitches but loves to see the rebellious energy of the young one (and ya know, my enemy’s enemy’s my friend or however you say that). So Belyy’s basically offering tips and helping Morevitch plant himself safely out of his family’s grasp, but it’s all taking quite some time isn’t it, slow and steady is fine until your parents try to arrange a wedding to secure more political power, and suddenly it is all quite urgent that you escape that situation because No Thank You Parents I Do Not Want A Wife I’m Too Young And Also Huh <3 Stuff You Won’t Like Hearing For Sure <3. The people who know they’re working together also know that it’s a big point of argument between them, the difference in vision between “you have to go slow and steady to be safe” and “I have very limited time to get to that safety anyway so I gotta risk it” “hell no you cant i can’t follow through if we’re going that quick that’ll put me at risk and you’re family’s gonna send gunmen to take me down”. A mess, it’d be much quicker to just obtain a few million bucks out of nowhere and bolt for sure...

Mr.GANG (the orange guest)

Morevitch’s trusted assistant. He hears the concerns, he helps the secret businesses, he lies to the parents about the whereabouts, and mostly, he’s basically a budget spy. The lad got that talent where people just don’t notice him popping behind them and catching all their dirty laundry as they confess it to someone they trust, and he always manages to break into places, get the intel he was looking for, and escape, putting everything back into place as if no one was ever there (wonder where he got all those skills from damn!). But what he’s even better at is being sneaky not only to benefit his boss, but himself as well <3. If he can catch all the info in the world, go any places, nothing’s stopping him from playing double agent and also going behind Morevitch’s back. After all the assistant life isn’t the most glamourous and rewarding, who can blame him from going and using his talents to build his own little exit route, right? Everybody sort of knows he cannot be trusted, but also no one managed to really incriminate or stop him, and as much as he has tea on many people, no has it on him, but bet once found that would be heeeella juicy.

M.MOUTARDE (the yellow guest)(this one is straight up the name of the yellow player in the french edition of clue too when i say its my main vibe)

Moutarde was an influential celebrity. He had a big break acting in a movie that the whole country stanned so hard they basically turned the script into their national anthem (they would have if it was a true democracy where the people really decide), he was so handsome and elegant, everyone’s dream husband. And then the fame fiddled out because it’s how fame is, one moment you’re the sexiest dish on the table and the next someone brings in dessert and baam, its all about that fresh cake, and no one pays any mind to your delightful aroma anymore, you’ve gone cold, they had a bite, their interest is somewhere else. Belyy really admires his work though, and mostly finds his image fits with the brand of his company, therefore the two are working on a collaboration to make Moutarde a representative. This WOULD boost Moutarde’s reputation, for his ads would be displayed on every imaginable surface of the country, and it would also benefit the company cause being represented by thAT sexy motherfucker? clearly that’s a deal. The freshness of the partnership means Moutarde is a newcomer in the guests, a fresh face, with no reputation, no relationships, no unfair biases against him. He’s just the new handsome charismatic lad with a squeaky clean image. Emphasis on “image”. After all, no one really knows anything of his background, right?

Kun.LAWENDER (the purple guest)

Private investigator, very useful to be around at a party it’s almost like it was expected there’d be a body to investigate, he’s a very close associate of Belyy, as there’s nothing more important to business than investigating the rivals and finding dirt on them to make them fall through infamy. He’s not exactly the PI who goes look for justice to be served, he’s just here for cash bro. He’s got intel on everyone, and will only let it out if offered the right thing in return (money, or sometimes other pieces of very secret intel, trade is good). Wouldn’t advise letting him and Gang team up tbh but they probably wouldnt, as Lawender is really more of a lone wolf player, going on his own for himself. The one thing that negates his usefulness as a PI on an accidental crime of scene is that even if he knew the whole truth of the event he would not spit it out unless he benefitted from saying it. He sure is a polarising lad, but at the same time, an untouchable one, he’s too knowledgeable to be taken down. Rather than sneaky, he’s extremely observant, noticing the tiniest details and engraving them in his memory, ready to be linked up to other details to deduct the big picture. He’s the upfront tea gathered basically (as opposed to Gang’s shadow tea gathering if you will, they are similar forces but using opposite methods)(also one of em got a licence n the other does not hAH).

~~~~

Now the secrets, all of em have them. One of em at least got the secret of having KILLED Belyy that’s that. But that’s to be kept for later (for if i ever use this story for more than daydream material gfhjgh) bet you can imagine what some of em may be just out of Knowing what i do, from having seen the characters in other contexts, or just because you’re a genius and reading the character profiles immediatly lit up the bulbs in your head forming the perfect theory, props to you, mad genius.

Honestly my thoughts are just how lit of a game that would be, you get to pick one hoe (maybe sum are locked til u find their secrets for juicy purposes) and you do your invetigation using your character’s perks and disadvantages, and maybe there could even be Multiple scenarios and outcomes, to spice it up, give replay value, i just think it’d be a game id spend hours on. tryin to get the spicy details of everyone’s life. walking around n digging through a rich man’s stuff, witnessing the drAMA of people fighting cause they’re locked in with a murderer and that’s stressful ngl. That or a long ass show @ netflix wanna give me a show maybe? give me hella budget we’re making it animated cause im too cultured for live action. 

whatever i make of it though, i hope i can make this story Flourish, just so that i can lay down all those secret backstories i’ve written. i want the satisfaction of throwing out the craziest secret drama between character n seeing peeps loose their minds, it just is a tasty experience.

also i gotta say, i plug the hell out of Clue for an inspo but when i was building the basics of the story my mind immediatly went “oH MY GOD THE VIBES,, THE BACKSTABBING AND tEAMING UP and all,,, its The Genius, that one tv show where peeps have to do the wildest games that require strategy n they’re in that fancy set that looks like a rich ppl mansion oh god the vibes” so yeah, i rewatched the whole first two seasons cause they’re my faves and that had an impact if only minimal in the aesthetic.

Anyway hope that quick presentation gave you a lil taste of the story, and maybe,,,, got you curious,,, craving to learn more like you never did before (im exaggerating the only real question we all got is just “so who’s fuckin with whom then how many of yall secretly dating” this the real deal)

[bmpmp3]

GOD so i just finished drakengard, beat endings a to d and just watched ending e on youtube because....im weirdly willing to put up with a lot of bullshit in esoteric old games but even i have my limits hfjdskmnsfd I AM going to talk about it now

DRAKENGARD 1 HUH.... LEMME TELL YA.............that was a nightmare, this game felt like the creepypasta version of itself i swear to god LIKE those last chapters....i was struggling a bit with getting to ending d ‘cause of the ally sub chapters, like Arioch was fine i mean shes fucked up she eats babies but like yknow.... seere was also fine hes just a kid and also probably one of the few decent non-fucked up people in this video game along with the dragon and also maybe Manah pre-possession by weird goofy voiced god or whatever was going on with her but god fuckinnnn leonard.... i’d rather not see anything to do with that piece of shit okay alright goodbye

BUT once the giant babies started descending from the sky....i was down for that AND THEN THE GIANT PREGNANT STATUE THING........GIRL WHAT and then watching ending e afterwards.....i know it was a joke ending technically (although i mean i think thats what the nier games are spinning off of) but genuinely that slapped so hard like when you fuckingggg SEE THE WORD TOKYO POP UP ON SCREEN.......2003........made playing the entire game worth it..maybe....apparently you unlock a fighter jet after beating that ending for the dragon levels and thats the funniest thing ive ever heard in my life

gameplay is not....awful.....but it is horribly repetitive and grindy in a not-so-fun way and the moves are clunky as HELL and the camera....the camera is the real villain of this video game....... but it was okay i would recommend using cheats to help get through the game a little faster but also i dont think id recommend the game actually though lol THE SOUND DESIGN THO......A NIGHTMARE IN A GOOD WAY

LIKE every track sounds like ur emulato- i mean Real Playstation 2 is glitching out EVERY TRACK is like the soundtrack to a nightmare where ur being chased EVERY SINGLE ONE its absurd and awful to listen to but like in a good way, like yknow the Battle Against the Masked Man theme, that sorta deal?

some of the sound effects too.... some of the most crunchy and visceral audio design ive ever heard its disgusting IVE HAD MANY video games try to do that thing where you play the game and the game’s like oooooh you were the bad guy the whole time ooooh dont you feel bad ooooh you should feel bad and to be perfectly honest it never really gets me like i like undertale as much as the next guy but that aspect just falls a little flat for me and i have a bit of appreciation for spec ops the line for just the level of weird it gets around the end because of when it was released (the height of call of shooties lol) but it also fails in this aspect BUT THIS GAME....JESUS.... i genuinely felt sick when i did a magic attack and hoards of soldiers’ little dots would disappear off the minimap...... maybe the reason it works is cause when you start the game theres no pretense about what kind of person the player character is, i think that upfrontness of the main characters own bloodlust makes this kind of ooooh u were the monster the whole time thing a lot more effective.... War Crimes: The Video Game

there were so many cool enemies tho....the flying face cubes....the rock giants.....the lil lady body statues that open up and are full of guts and they shoot at you... the floating closets?? the floating closets with like bat wings??????? i already mentioned the flying giant babies but genuinely it was haunting around the end of ending e where you run through a field filled with them trying to just get to the other side and the only thing you can hear is the babbling of these things with an uncharacteristically silent backing track after a game full of inhuman screeches and intensely chopped up classical music remixes

OH another part that fucked me up was after ending b yknow with furiae turning into some kinda dragon god creature LIKE first of all the credits suddently having vocals was scary enough but like after the credits ended and it went back to the (normally silent) title screen it like STARTED WHISPERING....TO ME....>>>IT STARTED Whispering and like layering over itself!!!!1 WHAt the fuck!!!!! LOVE that shit like genuinely

also i really liked how the story structure was done with all the endings branching off and sometimes like, looping back around??? like it was convoluted and a little annoying and thats what i like from my stories fjkdsafdjs one of my favourite games, Enigma: An Illusion Named Family had a bit of that, i hear the rest of the drakengards and nier games have similar situations

WHICH is actually the entire reason i played this game lol i think i wanna play nier automata some time and like okay i know i dont need to play any of the games before to understand it but unfortunately im the type of person where if you tell me to skip the earlier entries in a franchise that just makes me want to play them...... the only persona game ive played is 1..... ive played metal gear 1 and a tiny bit of 2 but ive only just started solid....... im sorry im like this..... i also kinda wanna try out drakengard 2 despite REALLY not needed to play that one (the director of the other games i think wasnt involved?) because i heard someone describe it as a video game that hates its players and thats another way to get me to play something hjndkmfsjdfnskmfgmd

ANYWAY would i recommend drakengard? probably not lol, definitely not recommended to play, probably not even to watch a lets play, its super grimdark and edgy and with some aspects it works really well but in others it Really Is Just Too Much, some of the imagery and setpieces and some monster designs slap and I love Angelus so much she is my queen, but for the most part you can tell it was the first game in a franchise, i am excited to get into later games tho especially automata (even tho i have a weird grudge against 2b’s clothes......i hate her leotard im sorry like if they went a little further and gave her like legwarmers with lace or something on it i would love it like some kinda goth jazzercise instructor, but as it stands the high hipped leotard just looks tacky and not in the fun way lol)

but yeah i wouldnt recommend drakengard despite me both singing its praises and also roasting it to the ground for this entire post, I THINK it’ll stick with me for a long time tho lol BUT YKNOW WHAT I MEAN RIGHT....like do you ever have media that you wouldnt really recommend to anyone and to be honest you’re not even sure if you liked it or if you hated it but it just sorta stuck with you, maybe some visuals or themes that kept in your head for a while? I’ve got a lot of those lol like the vn saya no uta which i read when i was 14 and i should not have read when i was 14 but also i would never want to read it now as a 22 year old, or like the manga narutaru which i read when i was like 16 and then had weird scary dreams about for like a week after, both those pieces of media also have a similar story element of the world just genuinely getting busted by the end, like irreversibly messed up and destroyed like Drakengard does......i am sensing a theme.....maybe i just have a strange soft spot for that kinda story........

ALL IN ALL Drakengard is a video game.............here are the facial expressions i made the entire time while playing

i need to go play a nice video game now

[renegadepack]

mike & edward! (1953swan)

Mike: What is your worst f*ckboy experience

oh man i groaned when i saw what this question was asking lol. this is the story of the Guy That Made Me Realize I’m a Fucking Dyke. it’s a long one so buckle up.

ok so. i had basically known this dude since middle school, but we had rarely, if ever spoken. this was towards the end of the summer before we both started college (we were both going to schools like 2 hours from our hometown, and 2 hours apart from each other). one of the teachers at our high school had died, and she was an amazing woman that a lot of the students, but mostly the seniors (her classes were mostly only available to seniors) loved, including myself. i wanted to go to her memorial service, but had no way there because both of my parents would be working and i didn’t have my own car yet. so i made a status on facebook, asking if anyone could give me a ride. 

He Who Shall Not Be Named (hwsnbn) was the only one who responded, saying he thought he could but wasn’t sure. i was like “alright, cool, just lemme know!” he popped back in like five minutes later and was like “ope no i can’t, but hey i haven’t seen you in FOREVER wanna get lunch soon?” and i was like “uuuuhhhhhhh, you never really saw me before school but suuuure, why not.” (because he’s a fuckboy, past me. that’s why not. because he’s a fuckboy.)

so we went out for lunch at some glorified fast food joint in town. it was the most awkward hour of my life. we had nothing in common. would of us would ask a glorified small talk question, we’d get MAYBE a minute of conversation out of it, and then another two minutes of silence before the cycle started again. i couldn’t take it anymore and eventually made some excuse about needing to pack so i could get out of there.

i left for school the next day, and somehow hwsnbn and i texted the whole drive. he was flirting with me a lot and i was definitely doing the whole “haha that’s funny how interesting” thing u do when you’re definitely NOT interested but don’t know what else to do or say. this went on for another day or so before he eventually confessed he liked me. me, being a poor innocent lil 18 year old that had never had a guy like her and was therefore an Utter Dumbass at feelings and responding to boys that are NOT worthy of your time, decided that Oh Hey I Like Him Too. (spoiler alert: i Did Not like him)

i used the excuse of long distance to explain why i didn’t want to officially be together, saying we should go out on an official date before becoming boyfriend/girlfriend. he agreed, and decided we should take it slow. in a not at all shocking turn of events, the test determined that was a LIE. hwsnbn decided it would be Fun and Respectful to start making really sexual texts towards me. it started in the form of pick-up lines (which i genuinely LOVE, cheesey pick-up lines are some of the highest form of humor), but eventually progressed and i was NOT comfortable with it for many reasons. (i didn’t know him well enough, and, unknown to me at the time, i don’t like boys). i told him to back off, which he did, for a little. i eventually began to go along with it, because i didn’t know what else to do and liked the attention. (the more i look at this, the more i realize how fucked up it was and now i’m lowkey scared of seeing him, really glad i got out when i did.) it kept escalating.  

like three weeks later, we went on the date, dinner and a movie. much like our impromptu lunch date, it was the most awkward FOUR hours of my life. we still didn’t have anything to say to each other, still had nothing in common. he didn’t try to hold my hand or ANYTHING the whole time (i’m a real touchy-feely person, and i had made that clear. i LOVE innocent physical contact.) at the end of it we were both like “hmmmm, this aint gonna work out.” sounds like a good ending right? WRONG.

he wanted to be friends! and take it slow! and see if we could grow from there! and then would barely respond, and when i confronted him about that, was like “well i just don’t want us (he said us but he meant me) to get carried away!!” and i was FINALLY like, okay “boy bye.” STILL NOT THE END.

he’d text me randomly once every other month or so, generally innocent at first. one time he basically suggested we get together and fuck, so i was like “oh not that bored” (go young me!) and didn’t hear from him for three months. they were great. this is around when i start realizing/accepting i’m gay.

so i get back from a concert at like three am, and grab my phone to text my dad that i made it back to school safely. i see a TEN PAGE message from hwsnbn, that’s basically “i’m so sorry for how i treated you and it was so wrong and i’m so sorry i care about you so much and i have changed” (spoiler: he fucking hadn’t). i’m instantly like “ooooohhh boy, it is WAY Too Early for this” so i tell him as such. he was actually suprisingly chill with that, being all “that’s ok take your time!” 

i finally get back to him that saturday. i basically tell him, “look, you’re cool. but i don’t see us working out; we shouldn’t be together.” i must say something like “i don’t know what should be/we shouldn’t be together/maybe let’s be friends or something” so HE goes “oh like friends with benefits?” BIGGEST EYE ROLL. and i say no, eventually getting to “we shouldn’t even be friends.” haven’t heard from him since. 

TL;DR: one time this guy tried to fuck me without realizing the only thing we have in common is that we’re both exclusively attracted to women.

Edward: Make a 9 song soundtrack about your life

sanctuary by paradise fears; the other side by tonight alive; enchanted by taylor swift; i’m not that girl from wicked obc; crack my heart by tonight alive; the break from next to normal obc; color by paradise fears; body love by mary lambert; ring of keys from fun home obc

twilight character asks!!

[bigbrothernetflix-st]

EPISODE SEVEN

“I AM THRIVING. ABSOLUTELY THRIVING.” - joey

HOH: Nathan UPSIDE DOWN: Emma NOMINEES: Jev & Kiki POV: Joshua FINAL NOMINEES: Josh C & Kiki EVICTED: Josh C (6-0)

ARIA

So,,,i highkey fucked up but all good things come to an end, I couldn't play the middle forever but the way it ended was just a little earlier than i expected. Also i handled the backlash of the dpov HORRIBLY! I did so many things wrong this week its insane even though i was on all day calling people i still fucked up,,,but its fine nothing i can really do to change that. But from here i want to fix things and do better, which does start with addressing where I fucked up so lets start with that woot woot (also holy shit that double was so draining this is the first time ive felt legitimately tired in a while and its only 1 am) 

1. COMP FLOPS

-literally all my allies flopped on the comps when we REALLY needed to win and its even worse combined with the information I was told where people told me they were throwing just to do well instead- its clear they weren't being honest with me and I settled into their lies without an ounce of hesitation 

2. LACK OF KNOWLEDGE

I just really settled certain things poorly leading up to this night, i think somewhere i majorly fucked up is with emma, if i was able to get her to vote out nick or get jacob to dpov someone she would vote out i would be in a much better position atm but i didn't and therefore ive exposed myself. And if i was able to receive knowledge of her rose gold dpov before hand i couldve worked out a new plan that way

3. DAMAGE CONTROL

This is where i **truly** fucked up and its gonna show in my jury management too, like theres NO way i could ever get nicks vote at this point in time. Also my gut instinct after the vote was to lie about the way i voted to kiki/joshua/nick/jev when i shouldve came clean and used a bullshit excuse about how i heard nick was after me or something. It's gonna damage my relationships with all of them

SO wabam here i am slightly fucked due to me being a mess but its okay!! I'm still in the game and while im not in as good as a position as I was last time im still certain i can get back into everyones good graces!! And i mean this vote did reveal that a lot of people consider me to be in a duo with them??? which um is kinda weird HBFSHDF Like joey and emma were both calling us duo of the season and i was like....k cute cool totally called that and knew we were a duo yup yup- FBHJDSBF LMAO but i mean in terms of my own position you have the two trios (jacob/bri/nathan and jev/kiki/joshua) who are going to go after each other with Josh C and Emma leaning toward jev/kiki/joshua while me and joey lean towards jacob/bri/nathan. Its crazy that its literally f10 and its five versus five with hardly any true middle player (for now wink wonk) 

But now that nick is out I need to think about whats next and whats my next big move. I think rn im involved with a lot of moves but im not the face of them (bri using pov on nathan, jacob dpoving bri) and such but if i want to win I have to make a move of my own and DEF need to work on jury management bc again nick is gonna hate my guts after reading my gbm,,,as yousef would say "oopsie whoopsie" so I think from here I need to get back in jev/kiki/joshua's good graces SOME how and im really tempted to come clean about my vote bc i think thats going to hurt me in the long run and theres literally already an alliance of all five of that side so like....whats the point of sewing mistrust but also, i do kinda want to try just being a dirty crime snake this game and seeing how much control I truly have on this game. Literally EVERYONE except those three knows my true vote and i've told them all to keep it to themselves so we'll see what happens,,,, im kinda tempted to pin the vote on emma just for funsies and tell them that "jacob told me hes close to emma" or some bs like that but also,,,thats kinda mean yknow? Its also a testament to test how much that trio trusts me which im GUESSING is less than emma but who knows maybe ill get lucky :DD 

Anyways in terms of moving on I really need someone who actually likes me to join jury so its not completely set against me the whole time but also im not sure how thats gonna go down ugh. I mean in terms of end game my options are starting to become limited because nathan/bri/jacob would all BODY me at the end bc at this point they've been the face of big moves and I hope my big move can be turning on one of them and getting them out at some point so when i really start to look at a realistic f2 I can win,,, im kinda leaning toward my new duos of emma or joey which is kinda a shocker to me too lemme tell u HFBSDF but joey's perception of the game seems,,,,messy and I think i can beat him while emma is def doing better but she hasnt snapped yet so i think i can maybe beat her. And then jev/joshua/kiki depends im not sure yet but the thing with them is none of them are gonna want to bring me to the end which is super frustrating (i mean i did just snake em so,,,maybe its deserved) 

The thing is that I like being honest about my vote so trying to have an honest game convo with any of those three is gonna be really hard,,,,esp considering they were all my targets for live night but here we are :') And i really dont know what to do at this point which is really annoyinggg (annoying @ myself theyre all lovely) I think im gonna have to wait a bit before i can try getting them all to fully trust me rn i dont know this has been such a mess but im doing my best!! Before i end this probably poorly aging paragraph its trust ranking time

1.myself (FUCK, and i cant stress this enough, EVERYONE)

HUGE GAP

2.Brianna (shes slowly becoming more stuck in jacob's trap but i do still think shes loyal to me, god IS a woman!!!)

3.Jacob (hate having this man so high bc hes bodying this game but he tells me a lot ig :/ )

ANOTHER GAP

4. Nathan (we need to call and discuss live night but he isnt going to like nominate me or anything)

5.Joey (apparently we're a f2?? not sure where that happened but also hes cagey idk)

-smol gap-

6.Josh C (told me his alliance!! shame he doesnt know im gonna rat him out to my side teehee)

7.Emma (we're also a duo?? almost forgot about that but i fucked her over here a bit but i can build the trust back up i THINK)

anothe gap

8.Jev (he talked to me after live night and didnt ask about my vote so thats cute....not sure where we stand...help)

9.Kiki (we talked briefly after the vote but idk if they realized im a snake yet)

10.Joshua (the silence is deafening) 

Not happy w/ my position yet and im likely to just come clean to joshua in a call tmrow because hes honestly really sweet and his friendship means a lot to me but i need to figure out how I leave me connection with jacob/bri out of it.. ill think of something

praying im not the most hated here but if i am it wouldnt be the first time ig, and thats on pewiod <3

JOEY

LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I AM THRIVING. ABSOLUTELY THRIVING. Not a damn soul is coming after me, and more importantly, I have numbers on my side, and no one’s gonna be pissed off at me on BOTH sides of the house. People say Josh C is playing both sides? Nah, it’s me. I need him out because I’m trying to ride that middle man status. My ideal plan is to see Emma go home next week, so that way I ain’t responsible. I want to get rid of Jacob at Final 7, and I will damn sure make that happen. Aria and I have a Final 2 that I plan on sticking to. Seeing Nick go was sad, but good lord it was I-C-O-N-I-C.

EMMA

Everything in this game lately has honestly pissed me off first it was me getting blindsided during live night even though i didnt really want to vote nathan if i was being honest i wanted brianna out over nathan because i thought nathan would be more easier to work with them boom Dpov and boom nick going i am like a little unsure if i regret using the dpov or not i do regret it well because nathan won hoh and sent me to the upside down and nick probably wouldnt try super hard for hoh but then again it seemed my so called allies were probably more closer to nick but i am not even sure my so called low confidence is my weakness in my games but i dont know how to be more confident pretty sure everyone beats me in the end at this point unless if i win an hoh if i do at this point Jacob/Brianna/even nathan getting nominated i didnt want nathan out before like if i won hoh i would of put him to the upside straight up nominate brianna and jacob if one of them goes off the block joey gets put up as a pawn after the upside down week im gonna do whatever to make it to the end idc if i go to the end with somebody i cant beat i just want to make this game enjoyable for me as i can i dont want to float for awhile then bring a goat to the end NNN 

EMMA

my shit list  in order to who i target to who isnt on my rader

Jacob > Nathan > Brianna > Joshua = Aria > Jev > Kiki/Josh C > Joey

who i like most to who is most annoying to play on a game level (i dont really hate or dislike anyone on a personal level)

Aria > Jev > Joshua *tiny gap*  Nathan > Kiki/Josh C >>>>>>>>>>> Jacob > >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Joey = brianna also joey would be higher but he lied to me for no reason even tho i didnt mind putting alot of trust in me and i love brianna on a personal level but girl i am not good socially with her which is my fault and her fault also jacob kinda assumed stuff about me like not big stuff like meta  but he still told other people except me (people who are out who i love)  Gina/Jakey > Saira=Nick=Monty=Mo *small gap* Nash >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> dog shit > Taylers dinner (dylan and the og homies know it) >>>>>>>>>>>> DEM

but yeah this game has made me happy because everyone is nice except dem but its been hard to play it because if i felt better i think i would of been playing a 100x times better game

JEV

So I'm safe but it comes at the cost of one of my two favourite people in this game. I've arguably grown closest to Josh C throughout this game, but I promised Joshua that if he saved me with veto I'd vote however he wanted and he wants Josh C to leave over Kiki. This week is me and Nash as final noms levels of ugly.

HOST WEEKLY CAST ASSESSMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szNaW65lCJ0&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=8&t=0s

[prayforbrains-blog]

I HEARD YOU LIKE NEW FEATURES

SO I’M GONNA GIVE YOU SOME NEW FEATURES.

And when it rains it fucking pours. 

I am c r y i n g over Twitter’s vehement division on this new Twitch ‘affiliate’ program. So far these have been my favorites:

“Whelp no one’s gonna care about getting partnered now.”

“Well so much for partnerships being exclusive. My sub button doesn’t make me special anymore RIP my streaming career.” 

“OMG THIS IS GONNA HELP SO-AND-SO SO MUCH.” *same person 180s 20 minutes later* “I think the requirements for concurrent viewers should be raised to 50.” *immediately disqualifying the so-and-so originally mentioned*

“TWITCH JUST WANTS MORE MONEY. FUCK TWITCH.”

OH BOY WHERE DO WE START. 

Let’s just get down with the facts. 

What is the Twitch Affiliate Program?

The Twitch Affiliate program is simply a way for non-partnered streamers to obtain sought after features like bits, AN emote (note: singular), and that elusive purple sub button. Here’s a breakdown of existing features and how they apply to the three subsets of broadcasters:

Looks cool? Looks weird? Looks confusing?  All of the above? Honestly it doesn’t concern you that much UNLESS you are a broadcaster, however you might be concerned how your favorite channel may change if the broadcaster decides he/she desires to opt into these features (once they are accepted that is). So let’s dive right into this shit fest and start with my favorite topic that’s come into question:

#1  G R O W T H  

People who want to hustle and network and ACTUALLY have potential (i.e. personality/talent) to succeed on Twitch will succeed. Bacon Donut wrote a phenomenal article a few months ago (which I highly recommend reading) on why YOU might be the reason you’re not successful on Twitch.

“Every single excuse that you dream up that doesn’t focus inward to your own content is either wrong, or is the same obstacle that someone else managed to leap over to become successful.” - Bacon Donut

He goes on to discuss the multitude of reasons why people fail to grow and achieve their goals on the platform. I’ve been around Twitch long enough to know that every one of the topics he touches on is spot the FUCK on. Most people spend more time bitching about how ‘over-saturated’ the directory is. Let me enlighten you kiddos: EVERY INDUSTRY CAN BE OVERSATURATED AS FUCK. You have to fucking put yourself out there. You have to be entertaining or talented or have a gimmick. No amount of sleek new (formerly) exclusive features and a (singular) emote will help you if you aren’t producing consistent engaging content.

“BUT PRAY YOU DUMB BITCH YOU AREN’T PARTNERED AND YOUR STREAM ISN’T GROWING AT ALL SO YOUR OPINION IS IRRELEVANT.’

The fuck it is punk. I don’t stream because I wanna be a Twitch partner. I stream because I love video games and I enjoy interacting with people. I also have an opinion because I (along with damn near every other Tom, Dick, and Shithead on the block) am eligible for this program. I also don’t need to be a partner to give advice on how to get partnered. I’ve watched 20+ friends grow from NOTHING on Twitch to quality partnered casters. I’ve even helped some of them. Ask around, people will tell you I’m all about spreading the love, helping those I am able to help, and introducing people to new like minded individuals. 

Let’s continue...

#2  M O N E Y 

Let’s start off with the only thing you really need to know about Twitch. TWITCH IS A BUSINESS. I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING, ‘WOAH PRAY FUCKING EARTH SHATTERING INFORMATION.’ but you’d be surprised how many people don’t understand this. Twitch is not here to hold your hand and walk you down the purple brick road to that shiny purple button. Twitch is here to make money just like any other business in the universe. Lemme give you a breakdown on some numbers kiddos:

1. Amazon reportedly acquired Twitch for a cool $970 million 

2. It has been suggested that the vast majority of Twitch streamers average less than 10 viewers. (Though I’m sure Twitch is highly aware of the actual number and percentage)

Let’s start with that first bit and the most glaringly-can-be-seen-from-fucking-space obvious: Amazon wants both return on investment and solid plans for future growth. They wouldn’t have acquired Twitch if they weren’t looking for more money fam. That’s just business and regardless of how much you bitch and moan about corporate greed on Twitter that won’t change. 

Second: all those (including myself) down in the bottom of the directories with less than 10 viewers all take up resources on Twitch’s end. Those broadcasters get those resources for exactly zero dollars and zero cents and let me tell you that is a fucking steal. It would be completely ridiculous for Twitch not to take a little bit of advantage from those people at all. The affiliate program will surely not hurt any of those streamers. They’ll get a cool global emote and their viewers can toss a few bits their way. C O O L . You know what Twitch gets? A few extra $$$ to keep the servers up and the lights on. 

Are you feeding some corporate fat-cat’s wallet in the process of subbing to your favorite streamer? Sure, but you already do that every time you buy a box of cereal, TK Broha. So unless you’re planning to completely remove yourself from society and live off the land (which you’ll still have to pay $$$ to the government for, effectively feeding rich+corrupt politicians) YOU CAN’T REALLY AVOID IT GOOD CHUM. Sure your intentions might be fantastic: CONGRATULATIONS Robin Hood: you’re a decent human being. but at the end of the day I know for a fact you’re still gonna go buy your fucking Honey Nut Cheerios™ and your car’s still gonna need gas because you forgot to fill it up on your way home from work yesterday broskiski. Unless you’re actually an adolescent or just have absolutely no idea how business and the economy works (in which case go take a fucking basic economics class jfc) all of this information should be understandable and acceptable in 2017.  

#3  N U M B E R S

So the most compelling commentary about the affiliate program is about the requirement numbers. According to Twitch’s press release broadcasters simply need to meet these simple requirements to be invited to the affiliate program: 

At least 500 total minutes broadcast in the last 30 days

At least 7 unique broadcast days in the last 30 days

An average of 3 concurrent viewers or more over the last 30 days

At least 50 Followers

K. Sounds legit. The biggest concern people have voiced is that the requirements are TOO LOW, more specifically the follower and concurrent viewer count. Some have stated it should be as high as 50+ concurrent viewers with 500-1000+ followers.  K. That makes total sense when the majority of new partners I’ve seen have been average between 50-100 concurrent viewers. [LET ME BE CLEAR. THIS IS NOT A DISS FOR THOSE NEW PARTNERS WHO PULL THOSE NUMBERS. THOSE NUMBERS ARE FUCKING RAD. PLEASE KEEP KICKING AS MUCH ASS AS POSSIBLE AND CREATING CONSISTENT CONTENT. I APPRECIATE THE FUCK OUT OF YOU.] I’m saying it’s pretty fucking ridiculous for that to even be considered to be the threshold for this program. Twitch is seeking to capitalize off of EVERY POSSIBLE STREAM IT CAN. Twitch doesn’t care that you feel threatened or like your ‘cool kids club’ is less cool; they just want that spicy revenue. 

‘Yeah, but how many subs is a person with 3 viewers gonna have Pray?’ 

A M A Z I N G L O G I C. Hold on to those Cheerios™ you bought TK Broha cause I’m about to rock your honey nuts to the moon and back. They could have anywhere from 0-(insert number here). Now hypothetically let’s say ALL of those 3 concurrent viewers decide to invest and subscribe/throw bits at that caster, Twitch gets it’s normal % cut. Not a lot you say? Now multiply that by every. single. streamer with that many viewers. THAT’S A LOT OF FUCKING MONEY. Or rather, that’s a lot of potential money that up until this point in time had been squandered/lost to companies like GameWisp and Streamtip.

Twitch isn’t trying to put those people out of business necessarily, but it does want to maximize profits. It makes sense that they would offer this program to as many people as possible. So keep bitching on Twitter (cause honestly it’s entertaining af), but I HIGHLY doubt those numbers will change. Sorry not sorry. 

#4  E X C L U S I V I T Y 

So that thing on the right? It’s called a cubic zirconia and it’s man made stone that resembles a diamond. It’s significantly cheaper to buy. I can walk into any Target and buy a pair of those bad boys to wear in my earholes for less than 20 bucks. Pretty neat right?  That thing on the left on the other hand is the real deal. That’s a certified diamond boiz. The price of diamonds? Start in the hundreds and start climbing faster than The Flash can run around the globe. You can tell the difference between the two pretty easily once you notice the little things right? Diamonds can cut fucking glass, CZs can’t. They’re both timeless and incredibly beautiful stones, but one outshines the other. It’s rarity makes it worth more, but they’re both used in jewelry that can be treasured forever and sometimes passed down from generation to generation. IN CASE YOU’RE CONFUSED THIS IS A METAPHOR KIDS. [met·a·phorˈmedəˌfôr,ˈmedəˌfər/nouna figure of speech in which a word or phrase is applied to an object or action to which it is not literally applicable.]  My point is fairly simple. Partners will always have access to new features and cool parties before affiliates. Partners will have an easier time networking with sponsors and game devs. Partnership will still be a goal for those individuals who are passionate and want to build relationships with other brands. Just like a diamond is a status symbol in society, partnership will still be a status symbol on Twitch.  Another really important component here is: these things are only worth the value you see in them personally. You may be enamored with the idea of being a partner because you want to be a part of that cool kid’s club. That’s 100% okay. Some people aren’t interested in the status symbol. I’m sure there are more people like me out there who could fucking care less about the little checkmarks next to people’s names on social media, but for others that’s the epitome of internet fame and the ultimate goal. 

You know what this program is really going to do? It’s gonna RUDELY awaken some folks who have delusions of grandeur.   A sub button is not going to make you successful. A sub button is not going to make you famous. A sub button is not going to make you rich.  A sub button is not going to bring new users to your channel.

A sub button is just a button that the people who are already in your channel are going to choose whether or not to press. 

This is going to be a hard pill for a lot of small and medium sized casters to swallow. People are excited now, but when they don’t wake up with 1000 subs they’re gonna have to take stock of what’s really going on and why they aren’t growing. A lot of dreams are about to be brutally shattered. 

[cfriday1304]

astricks r the ones i've said ok. btw this is like a rlly agressive @shitwesaid post ok

*Ya know what's peculiar abt me? I have superior reflexes. That's a good thing. Oh noo! My little flower got stuck under there!1! "It doesn't matter if ur standing, if this bus starts barrel rolling-" *weird noises* Can u pLEASE stOp being gAy???! Hipitty hopitty im about to do this. NOooo hipitty hopitty I'm abt to do this. YeASSSs hipitty hopitty y r u talking to me. It's very masculine to catch an Apple Hipitty hopitty whY ARE U ON OUR PROPERTY There's a ghost in Narnia Ms. Ma'am? No, that's wrong. Lemme snAtch ur wEAVE I seE u Mr. Sun. I harassed U but that's not important. *Get outa here ya fUckin idiOt. And it was just standing over my fucking bed. Watching me sleep. Wut r those hearts for? Oh it's definitely nOt an E-thot thing...! Ms. Fuckin. Netter. Bitch. Whatcha doin? *Tired. Sneaky sneaky sneaky. No. Oof. It's a car. *Got em. I DONT UNDERSTAND, WHY R U BLACK????1!?!1?!?!1!? Hold on. I just got a DM. *singing* I'm gonna get E Coli. I'm gonna get E Coli. GET OVER HERE RIGHT-- *Someone is stEaling my socks. Y do we keep switching? Y don't u shut ur mouth. I saw u harass that other one. I saw it ALL. Hi Susie, hi Zach!! I'm ZaCh. That one PokemEN GAME *excessive laughter* ITS POKEMOOONNN *smacks leg* Thighs. *spRINTS* Ohhhh! Wut? Burger King!!! No- Where is this person, I would like to VANQUISH THEM. GET OOFED. OH SHIT I JUST GOT RAPED BITCH BITCH BITCH WHAT THE FRICK THEYRE BISCUITS THEYRE CRACKERS THEYRE COOKIES *BIOLOGY PUNS R FUNNY GUYS omfg that's the nerdiest thing I have ever said wtf. Shoes r for bitches. Bitch y?? I'm your MOTHER And this cats name, is Bread. *Umm. That has been killed. By Satan. We don't eat ded apples here. Oh it's Friday we cAn be on our phones! *Anguished screaming* I think I'm ready to-FUCK *U don't have to be sexy to be emotional. *Wut the fffUCK DO U HAVE SOMETHING AGAINST BROWN THINGS And we played fUCKING KAHOOT U BETTER GET UR CHILD SELF BACK OVER HERE That's pretty broken. A ShEEP! That's a bull. *I have a giant glass bottle in my pocket. *looking @ cows* is that a...camel??? That. Was beautiful. ThIS IS OUR TREE. *looks @ a snake skin; discusted* ooh is that a turtle skin??! No. It's a snake skin. *Sssssuck it. I got u something betterrrr. Potato chips and baconnnnn. I'm not rlly an adidas guy, I try nOt to buy it. They ate it. They actually ate it. They actually put the paper in their mouth. It looked like u were snorting cocaine. Ya know wut else ain't real? *Ur mental stability. *appalled silence* It tastes like Fortnite!!! Y is that American talking. TAKE IT UR AMERICAN Martha is Gucci. MY LOCKET I just want to take my test. *Yes mAAM 'Yeas ma'am' wut tf is that. Did u find ur dad *solemn* no. *The devil is just Jesus on Opposite Day. Hold on, I'm getting inspiration. *Hipitty hoppity fuck off. *aggressively dies* I say too many random things in that class. *I love this class. I'm glad u can understand that. *T SERIES AND PEWDIEPIE HAVE BEEN FEUDING SINCE 2011????!1!?!?1!?!?! WUT THE FUCK. *God fucking dammit. Do u smELL wut the rock is cookin???? I smell victory. *Who is this cLOWN *HSU is basically that vine where he goes 'what the fuck. Is this aLLOWED??!' Like. Not gonna lie. *light laughter* *Skeet. Do u say that all the time *Yea Uh- *SKEET *Step one to tailgating. Don't do it. Bc. Ur a rookie. And u can't tailgate yet. This is how I fight. *face plants* Ur being rude. No ur being rude. *EVERYBODYS BEING NICE. Nobody's switching to chevy gUYS. The mACarana. *Hush ur mouth. *gaspppp* U SAID A BAD WORD Look at that man. we're gonna be here for soooooooooo long. *slams fist on table* I DEMAND A REFUND. *no. *well, now i'm mad. u facking idiot *hEy. that's kind of assault. *hey, that's kind of assault to children. *presses button* meEp *makeup is for dweebs *we're gonna be expelled from Europe i feel like a fleshling, a flesh bag, a bag of flesh i won by SEveral m & ms. yes, i am standing as well. watch it peck me bc i look like a snAck *looks at boat* that's a big bus. *excessive laughter* *abt to cry* someone just told me fourrrr *drops phone* oW WHAT THE FUNCTION *appalled silence* *says the pessimistic optimist. *ya know that feeling when u have too many memes on ur phone **screaming* where are all my memes @ there's some pretty thiccccc fish in this photo *imma go hide...in a trash can *hey guys guess wut i hate ppl *hey guys guess wut i hate meself i lack a banana like, u eat the whole human my eyes smell like sugar cake now i'm crying *so, ya know, that's cool *pockeeeetttssss dr pepper says--STOP DOING THAT ITS NOT GOOD FOR UR HEALTH y not just ask for nickels...on the dime some things in this world r hot. and some r cold. and some r both. the moment u realize...strawberries r not bananas *u guys r mOcking science and it's very annoying. science is numbers. lots and lots of numbers. oh wait that's math. i ate air it was pretty nice there's nothing wrong with me *drops everything* ur dumber that a fourth grader-a THIRD GRADER *i am most likely going to hate myself forever if i do anything. *i'm pRoUd to bE aN iDiOt *i need to start using my eyes. *u mustn't be rude. *mOVE oh my gOd wuts going On hEre??! *that feeling when-when ur phones @-@ only-12%...heh heh. i identify as a lima bean and i deMAND MY OWN BATHROOM team drinking. is. bad. i'M LoOkiNG aT MemES LeAvE Me aLoNe *i feel like drinking 2 cans of f•ing red bull i'm seeking refuge. *well i'm not giving u any so get out. wut if u jumped out of a plane and ur parachute didn't work? uh- i'd be alive and u would be ded. hitler is a cowboy i'll take over this whole town. KILL ALL THE COWS. stop being ded. okay, trees pee *hey guess wut i pretend i'm better than everyone to boost my self esteem *i'm an ABsolute disAster u can see for MINUTES *im allergic to bear pollen. purple strawberries. strawberries that r purple. that's like saying hitler was chinese. americans in europe *gasps* my sprAy wAtEr U BROKE MY CANNED WATER *drops into chair dramatically* i'm better than ALL of u. don't stand on statues. that's gay. then how much is a sip?????¿ *screams into water bottle* where's mom i need batteries i'm telling mom My CoNtRoLeRs ArEnT wOrKiNg *stares at wells fargo* i think i was born there. *tHATS WELLS FARGO *laughs* *THATS A BANK i identify as a baked potato. **laughs hysterically* i dunno it just came into my head. i sWEar this guy just walked in here with a cart full of buc-ees ice. how do u like ur classes yeah *hand gel bubbles r sO cool My new motto is: if you can't be ridiculously amazing, just be ridiculous this is my school bus and i'm driving this people. my watch is a banana *looks @ empty wrist* it's half past freckle! i'm not a dufus i'm an Evan. U STOLE MY PENCIL SHARPENER sHUT UP there's so much spaghetti on the floor--SOMEBODY TOUCHED MY SPAGET *ayyyeee y'all know it's meeeE y'all need to fUCKIN MOVE i can't fuckin walk *ur a disgrace. no i'm an evan david ricardo feels sexy what r u a nerd 9? ooOh thAts gonna take a minute. yee honk a doodle doo! u frickin dweeb u nub Hello *extreme uncomfortableness* *i'm rlly bad @ swallowing justice. *look @ all those DiSrAcTiOnS *at least i wasn't weird and licked them or sm *idek where that came from i evaporated butter i can evaporate butter what's UR superpower i'm t posing ur sandwich ima god. how can u hate a decade. yo imma bout to get full out naked rn. *ANOTHER FIRE that's when it started--oh my jEEZ cLAP NOISES *skeety yeety *ooh i appeared here what is that. **sneezes* woO idk wUt that was but it felt goOd. *thats surprisingly smooth for a circle. wtf.

[babymyharry]

92 truths

i was tagged by @adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy & @fairylightsstyles !! love u binches 💘✨

Rules: Once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, you choose 25 people to tag! (lol yikes i’m a loser on here so idk abt that)

THE LAST… 
1. Drink: to be real with u i don’t drink much and when i do it’s at high school parties but i did try a lemon drop when i was in europe last summer and my cousin sneaked me in to a club & it was pretty above average 🤔 but ig the last “drink” was a coke w coconut (idk either??) vodka and that was a wild night lmao

2. Phone call: my (kinda) mans?

3. Text message: my friend chris

4. Song you listened to: wild thoughts 😛😛

5. Time you cried: uhm i think it was wednesday it was v dramatic

HAVE YOU EVER… 
6. Dated someone twice: this dude in middle school lmao we dated for like a hot minute in 6th grade and then rekindled our love on the class trip in eighth grade aw young love

7. Been cheated on: yeah:/

8. Kissed someone and regretted it: truth or dare games fuckin suck

9. Lost someone special: my grandma was my best friend and i didn’t talk to anyone for a solid month when she passed

10. Been depressed: when i had anorexia but that was a pretty long time ago so :)

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: nah blackout drunk doesn’t sound appealing

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS: 
12. lilac

13. forest green

14. gold

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… 
15. Made new friends: yes lmao i dropped so many friends last year so i had to make more AND my groupchat homies that i luv dearly

16. Fallen out of love: yes

17. Laughed until you cried: i surround myself with good vibes so yes many times

18. Found out someone was talking about you: oh my god rumors spread faster than wildfire at my school yes

19. Met someone who changed you: changed me? i guess they made me a better person but idk about changing me

20. Found out who your true friends are: my friend group collapsed last year and i figured out who was still around after that

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: who uses facebook anymore

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: i deleted my facebook like freshmen year so ?¿

23. Do you have any pets: oh my god 3 dogs and 2 cats it’s like a zoo of fluff at my house

24. Do you want to change your name: nah i’m cool

25. What did you do for your last birthday: my friend max threw me a surprise party and it got wayyyy too lit to be honest

26. What time did you wake up: today i woke up at 6 to see the sunrise bc my kinda mans has a balcony in his room with a good ass view for that

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping lmao i’m a grandma

28. Name something you cannot wait for: my shawn concert!!!

29. When was the last time you saw your mother: tonight when she exposed me so i’m currently not speaking w her lmao

30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: maybe if my parents could be home more, they’re not really around much sometimes and that kinda sucks

31. What are you listening to right now: this weird ass netflix movie that my little cousin is forcing me to watch bc nash grier is in it kill me now

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: my friend abigail’s dad’s name is tom and lemme tell u he’s lowkey a dilf 🤔👀

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: this netflix movie it’s so cringe

34. Most visited website: snapchat i think??

35. Elementary: worst 8 years of my life

36. High School: finally almost done

37. College/university: im going lmao

38. Hair colour: blonde

39. Long or short hair: my hair was down to my butt and i just chopped it all off (yes, i pulled a harry styles) to my shoulders to donate and i honestly really like it short!!

40. Do you have a crush on someone: :-)

41. What do you like about yourself: i think i’m a pretty nice and chill person like i’m totally bragging here but i was voted funniest and nicest junior this year for the yearbook and like :D that’s just a nice feeling and it was validated !!

42. Piercings: technically two on both ears and when i was 15 i let my boyfriend’s (now ex boyfriend lol) older brother’s friend pierce my nose bc i wanted to piss my dad off but i don’t wear anything in it anymore so

43. Blood type: o negative actually!!

44. Nickname: a looootttt of my friends call me aj (like more than my actual name) and then some just call me manda but yeah aj is the most nickname outa those so

45. Relationship status: i’m a fuckboy man idk what’s going on

46. Zodiac sign: cancer

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favourite TV show: criminal minds omgggg how do you become a screen writer bc i have some dope ideas for that show lemme tell you

49. Tattoos: none but i wanna get some!!

50. Right or left hand: righty

FIRST… 
51. Surgery: spinal fusion man it succckkkeedd

52. Piercing: ears

54. Sport: i started ballet when i was 3 idk if that counts but

55. Vacation: my aunt and uncle’s lake house in montana

56. Pair of trainers: they were these cute little adidas there’s sooo many pics of me in those

57. Eating: that di… plz excuse me lmfao but nah i’m actually eating watermelon :-)

58. Drinking: water 💦

59. I’m about to: jump off a building bc i was exposed tonight by my very own parents 👍🏼

60. Listening to: now me and my little cousin are watching captain america (only bc i saw andrea’s post and decided to try it idk why i trust trash but im)

61. Waiting for: my trust issues to choke

62. Want: mozzarella sticks idk

63. Get married: yeah one day

64. Career: something in film so like cinematography or directing or just something creative like that 😋

YOUR TYPE… 
65. Hugs or kisses: depends on who it is ya feel

66. Lips or eyes: eyes definitely

67. Shorter or taller: well like.. boys fs taller but girls idc ?¿

68. Older or younger: older bc immaturity is a turn off

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: not to make everything about harold but he’s just got the perf body to me like toned arms and a soft tummy.. yes please

71. Sensitive or loud: i mean they gotta be both in certain situations but overall i guess loud

72. Hook up or relationship: i’m a fucking mess i have trust issues AND commitment issues so like.. both make death appealing

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker fs

HAVE YOU EVER… 
74. Kissed a stranger? again, truth or dare games suck

75. Drank hard liquor? once but it was at this rich white boy’s house and i deadass felt like he snuck it from his grandpa’s stash to get it and i was like ?¿ 🌚

76. Lost glasses contact/lenses: i don’t wear them so

77. Turned someone down: i curve like 90% of the dudes hitting me up like boys are just annoying tbh

78. Sex on first date: i mean my virginal self would not kno but i have made out with a couple guys at parties or whatever so

79. Broken someone’s heart: yes and i’m not sorry lmao

80. Had your heart broken: it’s awful man yeah

81. Been arrested: totally came close one time bc ig someone called the cops on the party i was at and police showed up and my freshmen ass ran so fast bitch i was usain bolt deadass

82. Cried when someone died: oh yeah

83. Fallen for a friend: i mean it was mutual but unfortunately

DO YOU BELIEVE IN
84. Yourself: i do

85. Miracles: i think some crazy things can happen that make ppl value that particular thing a lot more but idk about miracles

86. Love at first sight: lust at first sight* bc u cant be in love with someone’s outer appearance without knowing what they’re like as a person

87. Santa Claus: a very small part of me

88. Kiss on the first date: why not

89. Angels: definitely

OTHER… 
90. Current best friend’s name: kelsey

91. Eye colour: blue

92. Favourite movie: the devil wears prada always 🗣

imma tag @ihearthemcallingxx @stylessemantics @honeyskins @moonchildstyles @hardliquorhaz @nips-and-tats @iloveyouhaz @inwhichitrytowritesomething @jadexthirlwalls @tiostyles (idk if any of u have already done this omg sry)