#Low Tech Light Bulb Joke

[jokingluna]

Happy April Fool's Day! Had a bit of trouble finding a good joke for this year. Apologies for getting it posted late.

[litwitlady]

Date Nights (5/5)

Read on Ao3.

Alex wakes up on Christmas morning at 4 am, unable to fall back asleep due to a mixture of nerves and excitement. Sliding out of bed slowly, he tucks the duvet around Michael and pulls on sweatpants as quietly as possible before heading into the kitchen to brew a pot of coffee.

While the coffee maker works, he plugs in the Christmas tree and the garland over the mantle, admiring the twinkling lights and carefully chosen ornaments. For Christmas this year, they’d gathered with their friends and family early and exchanged ornaments. Liz’s gift had been a cowboy alien, glow in the dark and bearing no resemblance at all to Michael. Rosa’s had been a beautiful glass bulb she’d hand-painted with the cosmos. Kyle’s a simple wood-carved Merry Christmas. Rosa had gotten a hold of it and painted it with various iconography of the holidays - lights, Santa hats, and reindeer faces.

Max’s had been a collection of simple red Christmas bells, their jingle light and tinkling whenever either of them accidentally bumped into the tree. Isobel’s expensive and crystal - a star with swirls that reminded everyone of the console tech in Michael’s bunker. Maria had given them a giant, purple eggplant ornament as a joke, but they’d still hung it on the tree anyway. Smiling fondly every time their eyes landed on it. She’d followed the joke with a gorgeous, brightly-beaded patchwork that she said reminded her of how she felt when their love bled over into her sight - colorful, lacking definition, and like the calm that only comes after the storm.

Michael and Alex had chosen the rest themselves. A mixture of whimsy and classic Christmas. It was hodgepodge and lacked any real thematic structure, but it was also beautiful, filled with love, and theirs.

Back in the kitchen, Alex hops up on the corner of the counter and sips at his coffee. He had planned to let Michael sleep in for once, to cook him breakfast and spend the rest of the day either in bed or wrapped in a blanket on the couch. Keeping his gift for Michael a secret until sunset. But that’s not going to happen. He’s too keyed up. Too anxious to wait.

Pouring a second cup, he heads into the bedroom and sets the coffee on Michael’s nightstand. He finishes getting dressed so that it’s less likely Michael will be able to seduce him back into bed, and then gently shakes him awake. It’s not even 5 am yet so he’s not surprised when Michael mildly panics at being woken up while it’s still dark outside. ‘What’s wrong?’ He reaches out to palm at Alex, needing to make sure he’s okay.

‘Nothing’s wrong, but I need you to wake up.’

Michael’s eyes crack open and he blinks away the sleep before responding. ‘What? Why? We were going to sleep in.’ His voice is soft and groggy.

Alex grabs the coffee and hands it to him, hoping the warm drink will lure him into a sitting position. ‘I know, but I’m too excited to wait. I want to give you your Christmas present right now.’

It works. Michael sits up to sip his coffee and stare at Alex skeptically. ‘You’re making me nervous. You’ve got that look Isobel gets when she’s about to do something she loves but everyone else hates.’

‘Wow, Guerin. And to think I was going to scramble eggs while you showered.’

‘I’m much rather you join me. Eggs can wait.’ He slides his hand very suggestively up Alex’s thigh but gets his hand lightly slapped before he can do any real damage.

‘Nope. I’m not letting you get me naked. Not yet anyway. Now, go get ready.’

‘Okay. Now I’m definitely worried. When have you ever turned down sex? I can’t recall a single time.’ Alex swats his ass as he heads toward the bathroom.

A few minutes later, Michael pads into the kitchen where Alex hands him a bowl of scrambled eggs smothered with melted cheese and freshly chopped chives. ‘Eat fast.’ Alex’s own bowl is already half empty.

He only takes a couple of careful bites. Not because the eggs aren’t good - they’re great. It’s just that Alex is not the big gesture type, and Michael’s not great at receiving gifts of any kind, large or small.

‘Alex?’ He doesn’t know how to ask what he’s about to ask.

‘Hmm?’ He’s finished his breakfast. Sitting on the counter, phone in hand. Probably texting all their friends Merry Christmas.

Michael takes a steadying breath. ‘This isn’t...I mean, this gift isn’t...a proposal, right?’ The thing is he’s racked his brain two days trying to figure out what Alex has been so anxious about. Two days of his brain circling back to this conclusion every time. A proposal. Some giant gesture. Something so unlike Alex.

And to be honest, the idea of marrying Alex isn’t what makes him nervous. It’s the idea that Alex is only doing this because he thinks that’s what Michael wants him to do or needs him to do or some reason equally as unsatisfying. Because Alex’s meticulous, risk assessing brain cannot possibly think getting engaged so soon is a good idea.

The look on Alex’s face is hard to read. He’s tucked his phone back into his pocket and his lips have thinned like he’s trying to smile but forgot how. When he finally speaks his voice is low. Undeniably sad. ‘No, Michael. It’s not a proposal. Not really. But I guess you could say it’s not not a proposal.’

Alex slides gingerly off the counter, landing on his left foot and unable to meet Michael’s eye. That’s when he knows he’s messed up.

‘I didn’t mean anything by that. I just don’t want you to feel pressured to do something you aren’t ready for yet.’

‘You still doubt me. That’s fair.’ He rinses his bowl in the sink, keeping his back turned. ‘Well, it’s a good thing I hadn’t planned to propose then. Maybe we should just head to the Pony instead. Help Maria set up the charity lunch.’ There’s a tremble in his voice that Michael hates.

Alex starts to walk past him, but Michael grabs his elbow, spinning him back around. ‘Hey. Hey, hey, hey. I don’t doubt that you want this as much as I do. But I do think you’d ignore your own feelings to put mine first. I want us to be on the same page. That’s all.’

Tears burn at the corner of Alex’s eyes. Michael reaches his hand up to brush them away, but Alex takes several steps back, swiping at them with the back of his hands. ‘You’re right. I don’t make big gestures. They terrify me. This terrifies me - that I did this thing without your permission. So I’ve been a nervous wreck for weeks. Worried that you would say no or laugh or something else you would never do but that my brain wouldn’t shut up about. And now, I’m pretty sure I messed up. Let’s just forget about it and go help Maria.’

He leaves the kitchen, grabbing his coat off the dining room table. Michael doesn’t move until he hears the front door open and close. The door slams shut hard enough that the windows rattle over Alex’s keyboard, and Michael’s knuckles whiten as he grips the countertop.

This scene an all too familiar memory. Emotions high and Alex skittering away.

Taking a deep breath, he tells himself no. This is different. They are different.

Alex hasn’t run away. He’s just outside waiting, getting some fresh air and calming down. Clearing his head. Because that’s what they do now. They take breaks when needed, but there’s no running.

Michael stuffs his feet inside his boots and drops his hat on his head, coat in his hand. He finds Alex exactly where he expects to, huddled inside his Explorer and the engine already running. When he opens the passenger side door, Alex even manages a weak smile. ‘Sorry.’

‘No sorrys.’ He buckles his seatbelt and reaches across to squeeze Alex’s thigh. ‘We have plenty of time to help Maria. I want my gift.’

Alex nods but doesn’t move to leave. He drums his fingers on the steering wheel, biding his time. Michael settles back in his seat to wait.

‘Promise me something.’ His fingers stop their tapping.

‘Anything.’

He shifts toward Michael as best he can with his seatbelt fastened. ‘If you don’t like the gift for any reason whatsoever, you’ll tell me.’

There’s no running and there’s no lying. ‘I promise.’

The drive out to wherever they’re going is quiet. Christmas music plays faintly through the speakers, but neither of them says anything. Michael’s not a fan of the tension between them, but the lack of anger or sharp words proves -- at least to him -- that they’ve really accomplished something by working hard to get to this softer place.

He watches Alex out of the corner of his eye. Eyes fixed on the road ahead and mind whirling. Every so often he takes a measured breath, loudly exhaling. The most obvious sign that he’s been back in therapy for a couple of months now. Michael aches to climb into his lap and soothe away all his worries, all his fears. But until he knows what this gift is, he knows he can’t.

About half a mile from Foster’s Ranch, Alex pulls the car off the road, coming to a sudden stop at the chained gates of the old Ellison property. Michael watches him climb out of the car and walk a few feet onto the ranch, ignoring the half-dozen no trespassing signs.

Worried that he’s about to have a panic attack, Michael follows him. Placing a comforting hand on his shoulder and studying his face. Nothing seems wrong, his breathing even. ‘You alright?’

‘Yeah. What do you know about Ellison’s Ranch?’ His eyes dart back to the locked gate.

It’s a strange question, but maybe he needs a distraction. Michael’s happy to comply. ‘Uh, Old Man Ellison was a bigger dick than Foster. Died earlier this year. No family so the property was supposed to go for auction. About a hundred acres, give or take.’ He shrugs.

‘Hundred and one.’

‘What?’

Alex motions to the wide open expanse ahead of them. ‘One hundred and one acres exactly. Homestead property, used by the Ellison’s for horse breeding mostly.’

‘Okay.’ Michael’s not sure where he’s headed with any of this. ‘Ellison hated trespassers.’ He points back to the signs. ‘His ghost is likely to murder us if we stand here too long.’ He laughs at his own joke knowing how much Alex hates even the mention of ghosts.

But Alex just keeps staring straight into the distance. ‘We’re not trespassing.’

‘Signs beg to differ. We should just keep going, Alex. There’s nothing out here but dirt.’ He turns to head back to the Explorer, hoping Alex will do the same.

‘I bought this place at auction last month. Signed the final papers Wednesday morning. We’re not trespassing. It’s ours. Merry Christmas, Guerin.’

Michael stops dead in his tracks, spins slowly around. Alex’s hands are now in his pockets, shoulders tense. ‘What?’ He rejoins him, wrapping his fingers around Alex’s bicep. ‘You had this kind of money?’

‘No.’ He risks a quick glance at Michael and then back out toward the mountains. ‘It’s the money from my dad’s estate.’

‘Your dad left you his estate?’ That’s the wildest thing he’s said all morning.

Alex snorts. ‘Fuck, no. He didn’t leave me anything. Left almost everything to Clay, a bit to Greg. His weapons collection to Flint. Nothing to me.’

That checks out. Entirely expected. But rage boils just beneath the surface of Michael’s skin anyway. Alex is and always has been the best of them. And even if he is biased, that’s still the truth. ‘Then how?’

‘The auction notice was in the paper one morning when I was having breakfast with Greg. We talked about it. I mentioned how perfect the acreage was -- meant more for residential living than farming or ranching. Mentioned wanting something like this for me and you.’ He smiles, a real one this time. Full-bodied and bright. ‘A week later they wired me the money. Greg wanted nothing to do with dad’s legacy, and Clay wanted nothing to do with any of us, really.’

Michael gawks at him. Mouth agape and eyes wide. ‘It was enough?’

Alex nods. ‘For the property, yeah. Razing that old farmhouse and building a home of our own? That’s going to be up to us.’

‘A home of our own?’ He knows he sounds like an idiot. Repeating Alex’s simple words back at him. But that’s the best he’s got at the moment.

‘I thought maybe we could design a space that works for both of us. A space adaptable to my mobility needs, roomy enough to have friends stay whenever they want. A home meant for a family with a couple of kids.’ He pauses, lets that sink in. ‘A dog or two. Maybe some chickens and goats out back. Horses, even. Since there are already stables.’

Michael steps behind him, pressing his chest into Alex’s back and wrapping his arms firmly around his waist. ‘Keep going.’

‘A workshop for you. One that’s not buried in the ground. Where the sun shines on your face and the stars guide you at night. A soundproof studio for me so I don’t bother anyone trying to sleep. And anything else, Michael. Anything else you want.’ His voice falters the tiniest bit, low and strained with emotion. Another measured breath. ‘It’s too much. Right?’

Yes.

But the thing is, Michael can see everything Alex described. The house, the workshop, the studio. Even the goddamn horses. And all of that is nice. Perfect. The best dream imaginable. But what sells him is the mention of kids. Their kids. Their kids growing up here. Safe and loved. Chasing after chickens and crying over skint knees. Michael holding his little girl’s hand as she wobbles down the steps desperate to run after the dog while Alex follows with their son in his arms.

Suddenly, his mother’s words come to him, unbidden from where he’d locked them away. The words he’d kept for himself. Don’t be afraid to fight for your own happiness, my love. How easily she’d seen through him and known exactly what he needed to hear.

So, he fights.

‘Yes.’ He whispers the words directly into Alex’s ear. ‘But we’ve always been too much. Me and you. Why stop now?’

Michael kisses down Alex’s neck and holds him tighter while the sun climbs higher overhead, illuminating the desert morning stretching out around them. Cars pass behind them on the highway and somewhere in the distance, a rooster crows. He replays the scene in his head again -- their little girl tumbling down the stairs, Alex snuggling their son into giggles.

Alex has made him this promise, and now it’s his turn.

‘Hey, Alex.’

‘Hmm?’ Michael knows he’s lost in his own daydream. Perhaps the exact same one.

‘Marry me.’

[astudyinchocolate]

A new Spear of Selene theory: interns and Bulb Tech

There are 2 big questions left unanswered about the Spear of Selene: why Della took it, and why no one on Earth was able to receive her communication or find her once she’d crashed.

This is a 2-part theory about the second question.

Della clearly has a pre-existing, antagonistic relationship with Gyro. They know each other well enough that he throws jabs at her in the rocket’s manual, specifically that building it is “so easy even SHE could do it,” implying Della to be on a particularly low level of intelligence in Gyro’s eyes. It’s an insult that makes Della so furious that she tears the manual to pieces.

@gordon-quid has a theory about this: Della was Gyro’s intern. We know that Gyro has an ongoing rotation of lab interns. What if that were the case 11 years ago as well? Read on to learn how this affects Della’s communication to Earth too...

Della’s smart and likes science. Maybe she works with Gyro to help build cool, useful gadgets for adventures. She can even figure out rocket science with enough focus, determination, and time. Maybe she helps with bigger projects too. But if Della had access to Gyro’s lab, it would make it a hell of a lot easier for her to discover the secret Spear of Selene project. (not that she couldn’t discover it anyway, but this would make it even easier and provide a logical explanation for her discovery).

Even if she weren’t his official intern, maybe she just stops by to help with projects sometimes. Gyro’s not great at lying, so she might have figured out what was going on. Also, the Spear has a key for the ignition. Where would Della have found the key if not through Gyro’s lab? Plus, if the Spear was meant to be a surprise, it’s doubtful Scrooge or Gyro would have space suits lying around, easily visible. That would tip Della off to it immediately.

If Della were Gyro’s intern and he felt he was too lenient on her, perhaps that could explain why Gyro is so hard on Fenton and Manny, and generally why he adopts a very harsh and snarky demeanor with most people. Frank even hinted at Gyro having been nicer in the past, but for some reason his behavior changed. Could the Spear be the reason for the change? Donald dealt with it by leaving and diving headfirst into raising the boys; Scrooge dealt with it by emotionally walling himself off from the world; Gyro may have dealt with it by becoming a sarcastic jerk.

Gyro, while his opinions of Della are still unknown, seems to hold her to no higher level of esteem than he does Fenton, or anyone else for that matter. Della in S2E7 remarks that the gum “mocks her with every chew” and that seems especially telling. It’s an interesting word choice that may show how Gyro typically spoke to Della.

You know who would pick up on Gyro’s antagonism toward Della?

 Lil’ Bulb.

And that’s where my part of the theory comes in.

Lil’ Bulb is presented as new in the Great Dime Chase, but Bulb Tech seems to be ongoing tech. And Gyro has a history of his tech turning sentient and evil. It’s very possible that early Bulb Tech was involved in the Spear incident. Or, really, any other tech of Gyro’s. Because it all turns sentient and evil. I’m going to keep calling it Bulb for simplicity’s sake, but any new, as-yet-unknown tech could also display the same characteristics and act the way I describe.

We’ve seen that Lil’ Bulb is fiercely loyal to Gyro and does not take insults well. Della is the kind of person who would joke around and insult someone without even realizing the impact of her words. If she’s insulting Gyro or even Bulb, she could make Bulb pretty angry.

Perhaps even angry enough to sabotage rescue efforts.

So far, the fandom’s focus has been on the buzzards in this scene. But lightbulbs are on the Spear’s communication panel with Scrooge. We don’t even see Gyro in Scrooge’s flashback, but we do see bulbs. Whether these are connected to Bulb Tech or not, we don’t know. They’re attached to the panel. The Spear is definitely Gold Tech, comms panel is possibly Bulb Tech. But again, remember that Gyro designed everything, so any part of this tech could turn sentient and evil. Bulb Tech or not. 

The bulbs in the wide shot look like quick, sketchy, simple bulbs. But for the close-up shot, the artists chose to use ones that are specifically Gyro’s design. Even when Gyro uses “regular” light bulbs and not Bulb Tech, the bulbs are the same design. 

Lil’ Bulb in counting machine:

Normal, non-Gyro bulb that Lil’ Bulb replaced in the counting machine. So we KNOW that “normal” bulbs exist in the Duck universe! The design for the Spear’s communication system is an intentional choice:

To stop the wild counting machine, Gyro takes out Lil’ Bulb and replaces it with another light bulb he pulls out of his pocket. All goes back to normal, and the bulb/machine is no longer taking orders or apparently sentient. That said, this is clearly the design Gyro uses for his bulbs specifically. So the Spear’s comms system was clearly built by him, and the bulbs are perhaps an intentional choice. A reminder that his tech often turns evil.

Gyro built the Spear and presumably helped design and build the subsequent fleet of ships. He had to be involved in rescue efforts. And probably Bulb was as well. We’ve seen Bulb in action. Bulb is smart. And so maybe Bulb changed radio signals, cut cords, and did whatever was necessary to please Gyro. It’s fanon (and probably canon) that Gyro was happier and more optimistic before the Spear. And he’s good at his core; as much as Della annoys him, he wouldn’t want her to die. So he’s probably distraught at this whole situation, and maybe he isn’t picking up on all the details of the rescue effort he normally would. And they need all hands on deck for their rescue work, including Bulb hands. Gyro is trusting Bulb to get work done and to do it honestly. Maybe this is even all before Gyro’s first Bulb Tech went evil, and this was the first instance of an invention turning sentient and evil.

Think about it: Gyro has access to communications, the ship, and the entire system. Bulb could very easily delete video recordings, cut off certain radio signals, etc. Bulb could prevent anyone from knowing Della was alive. All to presumably please Gyro. If Della was Gyro’s intern, perhaps Bulb felt competitive with Della and wanted to beat her. Gyro seems to like pitting interns against each other, and sending her into space forever does mean Bulb wins. 

But again, even if Della weren’t Gyro’s intern and was just a random visitor, Bulb might still want to make Gyro happy by getting rid of the person he despises. It’s all about pleasing its master, Gyro.

I also wouldn’t rule out Bulb secretly working with the buzzards. The buzzards are shady af and might definitely enlist/hire someone or something to interfere with the search efforts. But right now.... I’m looking at you, Bulb. And I’m wondering just why you are on that communication panel.

also I have no idea what to make of Scrooge’s Spear photo being on the Spear itself… this crew doesn’t make mistakes and I can’t think of a logical explanation for it.

[rogmobile]

I’ll Be Home for Christmas

Roger Taylor x fem!Reader or Ben!Roger x fem!Reader

note: i literally got this idea while listening to the song and looking at an ornament on my tree..anyway enjoy grammatical mistakes, incorrect punctuation, etc. enjoy my trash!

Word Count: 2.3k

Snow fell soundlessly on the ground outside as you slept. Your chest lifting and falling as air swelled and deflated from your lungs. Dreams coming and going, yet you wouldn’t remember the blissful thoughts when you woke up. In your peace you were oblivious to the phone that rang out in the kitchen. It rang seven separate times. Each call ringing as much as it could, begging for you to pick up, before giving up. Hours later your nose flooded with the bitterly enticing scent of coffee, but it wasn’t the same scent you had grown to love. With a blanket wrapped around your shoulders and the impostor coffee in hand you sat watching the snow fall with only one worry on your mind: Roger.

Your boyfriend was the drummer for the band Queen. He was the best of the best, extremely talented and it made you feel nothing but proud to see how far he’s come. All the way from bar gigs when the band was still Smile and Tim was still in the picture. Roger was planned to come home this evening, Christmas Eve, but you didn't hear from him with an update. They should have left JFK airport last night, but you had not idea that had not happened. Trying to keep your mind off of it you get back to the finishing touches to your elaborate decoration after your coffee.

The decently sized tree, you dragged up to you and Roger’s flat on your own, was spotted spotted with mostly decorative ornaments with a few sentimental ones here and there. Like the one you had bought for your first Christmas together. However the top of your beautiful evergreen was bare. Because you had been waiting for Roger. It was attempt to birth a tradition of placing the angel on the pine when together. Fairy lights twinkled and danced throughout the pinewood branches causing the sparkles on the tree skirt to reflect the light, sending it in different directions, making it appear as though the bottom of the tree was on fire from the divine glow.

Lights were delicately strung around the windows in the living room. Their colourful glow illuminating spots of the white window sills in pockets of blue, red, green, yellow, and white around the large light bulbs. You seemed to be running out of things to keep your mind away from Roger, but that’s when you remembered you had yet to hang Roger’s favorite decoration. Mistletoe. It wasn’t truly his all time favorite, it was more of a joke between the two of you.

In the studio the boys were becoming miserable. It was drab and the sleet and streets full of graying snow seemed to be following them inside, as it was the last thing they’d see before being in the studio hours on end. Of course they loved what they were doing but the holidays were upon them and that’s enough to make everyone a little stir crazy. You took it upon yourself to bring them all coffee and tea in the afternoons during your breaks at work. It helped lift spirits for about two days. You had had enough of it because it put Roger in a mood every evening he’d come home. He hated spending long periods of time on the same part of a project the band was working on, especially when they wouldn’t get anywhere with it. He liked results. So having enough you went all out on your next drink visit. You showed up with a box of goodies and humming Christmas tunes. You handed out orders, which you had come to know by heart, to their corresponding consumers as they looked at the box with anticipation. Within a few minutes, colourful lights were draped against the top of the walls. Then you pinned mistletoe over the center of the door frame. Smiling at you with a love so pure and an overwhelming sense of gratefulness Roger stepped into the doorway next to you. His hands found your hips with great ease as he pulled you into a kiss. Pulling away from the sweet kiss, Roger’s hands cupped you face and squeezed your cheeks together, smearing a goofy smile across your lips. He smiled back at your cutely distorted smile before asking, “What did I do to deserve you?”

The routine kiss under the mistletoe quickly came into play. It became such a second nature to you both that at one point John decided to take the mistletoe down to see if either of you would even notice. You didn’t. The guys gave up trying to get you both to catch on, so they just told you. It became a joke between pretty much everyone in the studio, but it never stopped the two of you. Because not kissing in that doorway before you would leave would’ve been a crime.

The memory of Roger kissing you and being with you Christmas past wasn’t helping you temporarily forget how much you truly missed him, so you quickly busied yourself again by wrapping some more presents. An in depth book on star theories and constellation origin stories for Brian. A shirt with an eye catching animal print that was cut so low the neckline would rest below one’s sternum for Freddie. Then you folded, creased, and taped wrapping paper around a small box of bright blue, orange, and purple pecdeliums that were engraved to read “Deacy” for John. The boys had planned to all get together for a family Christmas feast and present exchange, which gave you a little bit more time to wrap presents. It gave you a little hope to think that they’d be home in time for the get together to recieve their presents as planned. You had already wrapped Roger’s gifts for the next morning. Admittedly you had gone a little overboard. When shopping you weren’t able to choose what to get him causing you to get him a few necklaces of different lengths, yet another fur coat to add to his growing collection, and a hat that was made of at least six different fabrics. Placing the last of the gifts under the douglas pine, you stepped back with the hope you would feel like everything was normal. But it wasn’t. Roger would’ve been wrapping his warm arms around your waste as he handed you a cup of hot cocoa while humming into your neck about how you had out done yourself with the beautiful decoration job yet again. But you were practically freezing. Trying to keep the tears gathering in your eyes from gliding down your cheeks you turned to the kitchen to busy your hands and keep your mind off of your missing other half. It didn’t work. Not only did you miss Roger, but you had something to tell him. Something that was going to change your lives forever.

About three months ago Queen had been on the East Coast stopping in all the big cities: New York, Philadelphia, Boston, Baltimore, D.C. and so many more. But it was a New York show you were flown out for. It was an unexpected surprise for Roger. He really showed you just how much he had already missed you, even though they were only on tour just over a month. Saying goodbye two days later was extremely difficult for the both of you. Because you both knew that between work and money not permitting it was the last time you’d see each other before their planned return for the holidays. Once home your time of the moth had rolled around, but was it was late which wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for your body. Then another month passed by initiating your call to the clinic. Time dragged by before your appointment. It seemed from that phone call on everything had been going so slow it was practically in reverse. Feeling the cold burn of the gel hint your lower abdomen you couldn’t help but feel as though you were watching a film. You stared blankly at the tech, not taking your eyes off of him for a split second, as if you were searching for the answer before anyone even told you. After informing you a doctor would be in soon to tell you your results the tech left. Time was dragging again, but within a few true minutes the doctor appeared. He sat next to you, looking you directly in the eye, and congratulated you with a smile.

Without noticing your hands had traveled down down to your stomach that didn’t show much of a swell yet. There was no holding it back anymore, and tears quietly spilled from your eyes. It was Christmas Eve you were alone, confused, a little frightened, and you missed Roger. You look back to your pine tree for some comfort and your eyes fall to the ornament you bought when you were told the news. It was a little bear propped up on the shoulders of a big bear that had a shirt reading “Best Daddy”. It got a sad smile out of you as you turned to go to sleep after admitting defeat that Roger wouldn’t be home for Christmas. You dragged your feet with every step you took in your retreat to the bedroom when there was a irritatingly urgent rapping at the door. Your lack of expectancy kept your hopes low and convinced you that there was no way in hell it was the only person you wanted to see. With sluggish steps and a few annoyed grumbles at the repeated knocking you opened the door. Before you even looked at who the visitor was your balance was knocked backwards by a large force. Your eyes came into focus but only to be obscured by a fluff of blonde hair. Roger. His arms were tightly wrapped around you as if he feared to lose you. His lips rapidly moved across your lips, cheeks, and then trailed down your neck in a rush of excitement. You tried to keep up, but your brain still had not processed that Roger was really there in front of you. He pulled away, eyes inspecting you with great importance like he had forgotten how you looked.

“God, I’ve missed you!” Roger beamed.

“Roger?” you let out in a breath like a prayer, as if to ask for him to truly be there. His hand found the small of your back and the other rose to the back of your head pulling you into his chest. You breathed him in. The harmonious blend of cigarettes, that cologne you loved, and the familiar musk and slight spice of his deodorant that had faintly worn off on his journey. It was intoxicating. Sliding his grip to your hand he leads you into the living room. He scanned the room, covered in decorations, causing his eyebrows to disappear under his bangs above his scintillating blue eyes.

“I’m sorry I’m so much later than you expected, (Y/N). I tried calling yesterday but Brian reminded me that it would’ve been one in the morning here.” Roger explained while inspecting the tree

“What happened?” You inquired following him around the tree your hand clasped in his with a loving squeeze.

“They delayed the flight because of weather, but the few flurries didn’t really cause an issue in the end. Did you lose the angel?” he prodded with a questioning tilt of his head. You had almost forgotten all about your goal of starting a tradition upon Roger’s arrival.

“No I didn’t lose it,” you glower at him jokingly. “I was waiting for you. I wanted you to be here.” a smile crept across your face with your eyes twinkling as you grabbed the angel and handed it to Roger. Turning back to the tree he stretched up and situated it atop of the pine. He began to shift his weight evenly back on to his heels when he froze. You made to ask him if he was alright when he spoke. “(Y/N)?” his voice faltered, eyes locked on the evergreen, and swallowed hard. The ornament. He let out a croak from deep in his throat as he couldn’t formulate any words. Your eyes widened and your lips parted slightly standing in partial shock. This wasn’t how he was supposed to find out. You had gone over countless versions of this conversation in your head, but now that you were actually having it you were at a loss for words.

“Roger,” you finally managed. Taking in a deep breath that seemed to hitch and get stuck in your lungs. “I’m pregnant.” you exhaled surprising yourself with the announcement. If he wasn’t already motionless before he sure as hell was now. His face held a very calm expression until his eyes slowly left yours to land on your stomach. After just a few seconds his expression melted and a smile crept across his lips as his eyes softened. In one swift motion his arms were around you once more and he let out cheers loud enough to annoy the neighbors. He spun you around and the weight that had been on your shoulders for the past few weeks disappeared in Roger’s arms. The release of pressure that had been weighing you down, pushed tears down your cheeks in steady streams. Roger placed you down gently and apologized thinking he hurt you, but you reassured him you were as happy as you could ever be.  Falling to his knees he threw his arms around your waist, pulled you in as close as he could get you, and placed his forehead against your stomach. Your fingers ran through his blonde lock making him hum a reflection of the same euphoric joy that was coursing through your veins. Tears continued down your cheeks, but you were far from sad. Anything but, exactly. The sense of excitement, bliss, and comfort of Roger finally being home is something you wouldn’t trade for the world.

[grailacademy]

Welcome To Grail Academy - Chapter Eighteen: Shot You Down

This was it. The day of exams. The tests were separated by grade, so a giant crowd of nervous first-years huddled together at the end of the courtyard, trading notes and tips. SAND and PWTR could be seen among the sea of freshmen, clutching their teammates close in the middle of the chaos. The third-years waited together by the clocktower, casually leaning against its side and chatting about the newest modifications they made to their weapons. Barely any of the seniors were present, but those who showed up on time trudged onto the campus clad in sweatpants and fuzzy socks, sipping cups of coffee and chewing on microwaved breakfast sandwiches. Esmerelda, Bernard, and Nico stood with the second-years, a group that was more excited than anxious about the tests. Four professors walked out and separated among the grade groups, Miss Pearl to the first-years, Mr.Kismet to the second-years, Professor Choi to the third-years, and Ms.Divine to the fourth-years. They were all led off in different directions, some to the tournament hall, some off the academy grounds. The second-years followed Mr.Kismet to the center of the quad, where the students stood at attention in a line.

"Sophomore class, correct?" He took a moment to glance back at his clipboard before continuing. “You’ll be our second group for the exams.” BRVI stood at attention next to the leftovers of EBNY, most of them relaxed and ready except for Iris. She plucked at the tassels of her skirt, almost raising her hand to ask a question but deciding against it, so as not to interrupt Kismet’s announcement. He eyed the one student curiously, tucking the clipboard under his arm. "It's not a written test, if that's what you're worried about." Mr.Kismet had a knack for guessing what people really meant when they said something, or even what they didn't say. These kids seemed a little nervous. I'm not actually allowed to tell you anything else about the exam, but I do have to ask: How much do you all weigh?"

The group raised a collective brow, and Nico was the only one with enough sense to question it. “Yeah, hi, quick question: Why?” Mr.Kismet looked him over, tapping his finger on the edge of the clipboard. "Hm....yes, you'll be just fine, you're small enough." He didn't give a clear answer, and it insulted Nico when the teacher brought up his slight size, but he decided to move on and record all the weights he heard down on the paper.

Looking over the numbers he scribbled on the paper, Kismet paused in his writing before nodding and tucking the board under his arm once more. “Okay. Now that that’s done, your ride should be here in a few minutes." The teacher tapped his foot a little impatiently, looking up to the sky again. "....I must apologize. We were supposed to be off about 10 minutes ago." Then a low whirring sound could be heard, off in the distance, getting closer and louder, until the whirring sounded like chopping. An airship breached the horizon of buildings and trees, hovering over the academy. Now, with his hair and tie flapping around in the wind, Mr.Kismet had to yell over the engines. "--ALRIGHT, THERE'S OUR FLIGHT."

The airship was a sight for Bernard, he never got close to one and they had only ever come into his hometown to pick up people who worked outside of the region. He had ridden in one to the academy, but being so close to one was still a new thing for him. Meanwhile, Beau began to stow her weapon away in the hostler on her back so that she wouldn't lose it. As the ship got closer she had to grab onto her headscarf to keep it from flying away. Vert took several steps back from where the ship was landing and covered his ears. His faunus hearing didn't do well with all the loud technology, nor did Esmerelda’s. The rest of the students held on to their coats and covered their faces to keep their hair from whipping about.

The airship lowered to the ground in the middle of the wide courtyard, engines still whirring as the tired school teacher strolled over, chatting with the pilot and pointing to the group of students a few times before boarding the aircraft. Then he motioned for everyone to follow, and sat down in a seat. This airship was surprisingly small compared to most others. Aside from the fact that it wasn't Atlas tech, though, it seemed to function just fine. The mostly wooden hull of the vehicle was dinged and scratched up towards the bottom, and upon closer inspection one might find initials and symbols and doodles carved into the wood. There was definitely a couple of the weird S things on there, and even more carvings and school-bus style graffiti on the inside of the ship. "Apologies for asking about weights, sometimes the ship can get rickety since it's so small. Standard procedure." That didn't make a lot of people feel much better about the situation, but Mr.Kismet couldn’t care less.

Everyone filed onto the craft, taking seats and buckling in. Once it took off, everyone started chatting again.The flight was about 20 minutes to Northwest, consisting with a few kids getting motion sickness, and everyone else completely ignoring the safety belts on their seats and reaching over behind the chairs to talk with their friends. Just as jokes were being traded, the ship took an abrupt tug, turning to the right and coincidentally sending most of the snacks students had pulled out flying either around the cabin or out the entrance. As this happened, the engines of the aircraft began to grow louder, so Mr.Kismet had to once again shout over them so the students could hear. “EVERYONE UP." The teacher himself unbuckled his seatbelt and stood up, walking down the cabin and marking off a check list as he counted each student.

Every student unlocked their belts and stood up, taking in their teacher’s explanation. Iris was still fumbling with the tassels on her skirt, Vert and Rowan were prepping their weapons, Nico held his bat over his shoulders, Esmerelda twisted the rings on her fingers, Beau grabbed hold of a safety handle on the wall, Bernard shoved his hands into his pockets, and the rest of the kids made attempts at acting casual and uninterested. “As you may already know, semester exams are one of the most important tests you’ll take during your time here.” He twisted the end of his curly mustache, walking to one end of the airship as he explained. "We are currently flying over a lake with a surface area of about 143,200 square miles. There are small islands and anchored docks scattered across it. Your objective is to find the searchlights hidden on each of the islands and use them to signal the airship to rescue you. There is only one catch: There are a limited number of searchlights, and they’re all guarded, so you will have to fight for your chance to be picked up. These searchlights are connected to routers that will recognize your scrolls to identify who has turned on the signal. There is also a hidden lighthouse somewhere in the middle of the lake, where a special searchlight has been planted. If you can find it and turn it on, the airship is required to rescue everyone at the lighthouse. So you are not completely out of options if you can't find a searchlight of your own. But, the lighthouse is also guarded, so you have to defeat the protector before you can turn on the beacon. There will be no parachutes. There will be no calls for help. This is a pass/fail exam." Mr.Kismet sat back down in his seat and buckled himself up tightly, and suddenly the airship tugged and flipped so far right that it tipped on its side, the open entrance facing the lake as everyone began to fall out. "Good luck.”

“Wait, what-” Beau never even finished her sentence before the entire second-year class was flung out the side of the airship, miles over the large body of water. Most people were screaming and flailing their arms and legs, but there were some that were actually prepared. Like Bernard, who activated his semblance and made himself lighter. Instead of plummeting into the water like the rest of his classmates, he glided down like a feather onto one of the islands. Esmerelda was holding her hands around her buns, keeping them tightly in place. She had to aim herself away from the water, or else her hair and coat would be ruined! She straightened herself out and pointed her feet towards one of the docks. Not the water, not the water, not the water, not the water, not the- She missed dry land by a few measly centimeters, splashing into the lake. Ugh. She hated water. Nico was barely paying attention to Kismet’s report when he lost his footing and fell into the sky, but while everybody else was trying to slow down and aim for soft spaces to fall, he took it as an opportunity. A very fortunate opportunity. Grinning wildly, he tucked his knees up into his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs. “CANNON BALL!” And with that, he crashed into the water with a splash big enough to trick tourists into thinking it was a whale breaching.

When Esmerelda crawled onto the dock and pulled herself up, she was soaked. She looked like a long haired persian cat that had just taken its first bath. Her fur coat lost its volume and weighed down on her shoulders, her buns were hanging loose like floppy earmuffs. She held her arms out as everything dripped off her. “....Great.” She looked around. She was the only student on the dock so far, though she could see splashes off in the distance, signifying classmates who made their landings. She pulled her coat off and twisted it, wringing it out and exploring her new surroundings. Her heel clanked against something metal on the floor, the aforementioned beacon. It was currently closed, the metal flaps that narrowed the beam of light folded over the bulb. But that wasn’t what stopped her in her tracks. The logo on the right flap was the academy’s insignia, but underneath it was a line of text indented into the metal. Equipment supplied by Versailles Production Co. She shouldn’t be surprised. Of course her father would have a hand in Grail’s business ethics, the family company had their fingers in all sorts of pies, all over Remnant. But it didn’t make her any less unhappy about the sign of her father’s presence here. In the back of her head, she could hear their last conversation, the stringent tone in his voice. Reminiscing would have to wait, because at far end of the dock behind her, Esmerelda heard an ominous growl.

[dealsallyear]

The Canon EOS R5 Camera Review: Why Buy Canon EOS R5 Camera?

Canon cements its dominance in the camera world with yet another release, the undisputed Canon EOS R5 mirrorless camera. The Canon EOS R5 is nothing short of the excellent quality Canon has always produced. Designed with the professional photographer, videographer, and photo enthusiast in mind, the camera boasts a high resolution, raw performance, and great speed.

As an avid photographer, I have had the privilege of testing and going over the Canon EOS R5 on multiple occasions. Every time I run into the R5 camera, I am always quick to throw at it tons of productivity and color-critical work and take it to the edge of its comfort zone. But, impressively, the device consistently manages to pull stunts and pass all tests with flying colors.

About the Canon EOS Series

The Canon EOS R5 is a member of the EOS mirrorless camera series along with its earlier siblings, the Canon R, RP, and R6. And although their prices restrict them to buyers willing to pay a four-figure price clause, the devices check a lot of boxes in what you may require out of a professional camera.

Although many special add-ons are eminent, most features in its predecessors still live on in the EOS R5 model. On the R5, Canon paid special attention to picture quality with a powerful 48 MP full-frame CMOS sensor with 8k video recording support. The other sweet spot, we’d say, is a powerful processor that makes a joke of any photography task and makes the camera a speed demon. Also, a host of tech features are all meant to elevate your photography experience.

Technical Specifications

Feature

Specification

Sensor

48MP full-frame CMOS sensor

Image Processor

DIGIC X processor,

Video Quality

Full Frame

8K movie at up to 30 fps

4K movie at up to 120 fps

Full HD movie at 120 fps

4K time-lapse mode

8K RAW movie

Weight

Dimensions

1.62 pounds/738g

9.1×9.1×9.1 inches

Connectivity

5GHZ and 2.4GHZ Wi-Fi, Bluetooth, FTP, and FTPS support

Ports

Microphone port

Headphone jack

Dual memory cards slots

Remote control port

USB-3 port

HDMI connection

Functional Features

Dual LCD screens.

5940 AF subject focusing

5-axis In-Body Image Stabilization (IBIS)

ISO 100-51,200

Bulb mode

Exclusive Features

Below are exclusive features all meant to give you the perfect photography experience.

     Superior Sensor

Canon routinely scores high in the picture quality departments, and they nailed it again with a laudable 48MP CMOS sensor. This full-frame sensor is much larger than the 20.1MP and 30 MP dual-pixel CMOS sensors on the EOS R6 and EOS R models, respectively. The larger sensor on the R5 collects more light and delivers better (less noise) in low light. As a photographer, you also get more control over the depth of field.

The enormous sensor can capture images with lifelike visuals, true-to-life details, and vibrant colors. And besides the ordinary 4K video recording up to 120p, the powerful sensor also supports 8K DCI footages at 30/25/24 fps. With the 8k 30fps raw recording, you should expect crisp and eye-popping videos with nature’s own depth of color. Additionally, the device can capture 35MP frame grabs while recording the cinematic 8K footages.

The other genius of this camera lies in its ability to work in poorly lit setups. The Can EOS R5 offers sensitivity from ISO 100-51200, expandable to ISO 102400, which makes it suitable for various lighting conditions. Not to mention that there is a bulb mode for even longer exposures during low-light photography.

     Twitch-Free Performance

Functional features worth mentioning are the multiple HDR modes that make for more realistic images with fine details that almost pop at you. Even more, if speed is what you care about, then speed has been emphasized for you with the DIGIC X image processor. Courtesy of the DIGIC X processor, CMOS sensor, and RF lenses, you get a winning blend of neck-breaking performance and superb real-life photography.

How thoughtful of the makers to include a multiple exposure mode. The mode lets you capture between two and nine images and merge them into one single image in-camera.  

As with the EOS R6 model, the EOS R5 is the only other model that offers 5-axis In-Body Image Stabilization (IBIS). The IBIS feature combines with the lens’s IS to make up for camera shake and deliver up to 8 stops of protection.

Aside from that, the camera is powered by a solid 2130mAh LP-E6NH battery that can stand up to 320 shots when using the EVF and 470 when using the LCD screen. Should you require more than one battery, the brand new BG-R10 Battery Grip will let you incorporate a second battery (LP-E6/N/NH). Not just that. The EOS R5 camera is also backward compatible with older LP-E6 series batteries such as the LP-E6N.

Autofocus and Subject Tracking

Do you often find yourself working with moving subjects? Well, it is a cakewalk to capture a subject on the move with the R5’s high-speed continuous shooting of up to 20 frames per second with the electronic shutter.

And if subject tracking is anything to go by, then the canon R5 camera should be on top of your list. Thanks to the Dual Pixel CMOS AF II focusing system, the R5 prides itself as the world's fastest AF camera that can track split-second movements and focus in as little as 0.05 seconds.

Furthermore, the Canon R5 can recognize and track eyes and faces, and vehicles from much further away than its predecessors. Like the R6, the R5 is equipped with deep-learning-based automatic face, eye, and animal AF tracking modes that enable it to automatically track human eyes and faces and animals such as dogs and flying birds.

     Dual Displays

Also fitted is an intuitive and highly responsive 3.2-inch touchscreen LCD monitor on the rear that showcases detailed visuals with maximum realism and vibrant colors. It was clever of the manufacturer to feature the Vari-angle design with a flexible tilt range. This flexible, foldable screen design lends to the safe storage and makes the device perfect for vlogging and high angle and low angle shooting. Not just that. There is a status LCD screen at the top-right panel of the device that gives you quick access to the settings at a glance.

     Durable Weather-Proof Construction

The Canon R5 body looks as solid as it feels premium and has been constructed from superb quality magnesium-alloy material that can take a serious beating. The durable construction couples with robust paint coating to help the device defy scratches, rust, wear, and elements and hold its shine for decades to come.

In design matters, the R5 includes a rear panel just like the EOS R6. And as on the EOS R camera, the EOS R5 features a top plate with an LCD status panel and mode button. Just where you expect them to be, you’ll find the AF-On button, the Magnification button, Info Button Playback and Delete buttons, and the Quick button which opens the Quick Control screen. The Quick Control screen gives instant access to 10 key camera controls.

     Unlimited Connectivity

The Canon R5 mirrorless camera provides a wide offering of connectivity options and includes a microphone port, headphone jack, remote control port, USB-3 port, and an HDMI connection. It is also Wi-Fi and Bluetooth enabled, making it easy to connect to wireless networks, sync with other gadgets, and share images and recordings on site.

The memory card compartment on the right offers dual slots. While one is dedicated to the SD UHS-II card, the second supports the CFexpress type B card.

There isn’t much to complain about here save for overheating when shooting 8k video or 4K video at 120p or 60p. Although the manufacturer promises a 20-minutes time frame before the camera overheats, the camera will often overheat before the 20-minutes when subsequently shooting lots of high speed and high-quality modes such as 8k video recording. Once the camera overheats, the video time available reduces, and other video modes become inaccessible. But as long as you restrict the camera to 4k 30p videos, you shouldn’t encounter this limitation.

The other downside is the R5 camera isn't cheap, but quality products on the market seldom are. A brand new Canon R5 for sale can set you back as much as a small car. However, canon r5 deals are well worth the investment considering their top-class quality.

Another area that needs work is the Mode dial on the R5 instead of the traditional shooting mode dial. Like on the EOS R, you may find the Canon mirrorless r5 camera easier to use and neat. However, it is much slower when you frequently switch between shooting modes.

Wrap Up                                                                            

Let me guess: you are a pro photographer or photography enthusiast who has probably had a fair share of poorly-made knock-off cameras that leave a lot to be desired. Thankfully, Canon brings you the powerful, pro-quality R5 camera that will loyally answer the call of duty and is undoubtedly up to the task. So, would we recommend the Canon EOS R5 camera to you? Of course, we'd.

[nightingveilxo]

Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014) & Sherlock

- Four agents from an independent organization, and a mistake, start the plot (AGRA’s problem). Ultimately, the organization is betrayed by one of their number. One agent will die years later, because of a plot surrounding biological weaponry (THoB anti-personnel formula caused hallucinations and murder without remorse-solution hinges on cell phone-same happens with formula devised by Valentine’s company in K: TSS, w/cell phone being method of control. Maybe TD-12).

- The mistake occurs around Christmas, and will change the hero’s entire life. (TAB: Take care of him, John. TFP: Oh, um. Mycroft – make sure he’s looked after. He’s not as strong as he thinks he is.)

- Rescue the drink before it can fall to the floor, resulting in good guy being distracted.

- The villain never does his own legwork, because he has no stomach for violence (sight of blood causes him to vomit.)

- Umbrella gun (Brolly gun with updates - replacing meta from feb about Avengers, etc)

- Projections are treated like people in the room.

- Failed experiment in changing to more emotion in the group leads to a team member being decimated.

Eurus: This is an experiment. There will be rigour. Sherlock, pick up the gun. It’s your turn next. 

And then later, she tells Sherlock he didn’t win, look what he did to Molly.

- An innocent child caught in the schemes of adults.

- Completely over the top driving scene, and lots of blue flashing lights.

 - MET officer is same actor (William Ineson) as TFP fisherman.

- Placing a mysterious phone call changes events.

- Hero was involved in drugs, never had a traditional job.

- Insert inappropriate (gay) humor. “Manners maketh man...” from Vulgaria by William Horman. (SO many M’s.) Also, the first book where children’s rattles are ever mentioned.

- A path that made the younger hero who he is, but he isn't "locked" into it. He can adapt and transform (even change his fate and take on someone else's identity.) + My Fair Lady bringing in play/film reference, and Jeremy Brett connection. 

- Surprise water! First test is near drowning. (Lesson is working together, being a unit. Soldiers.)

- Movie that breaks the fourth wall & Internet use. “Valentine: The Movie” (Valentine is a person. T6T Love, ammo not amo) & "Not that kind of movie." (John writing Cardiff Violins, Rosie’s birth announcement in The Times, Janine’s interviews in HLV, BBC interview w/Culverton, BBC covering Moriarty court case in TRF)

- Pet dog is major plot point, and makes Eggsy part of who he is, capable of being emotional and functioning as a top agent. (Redbeard)

- No concussion, but he’s unconscious? The other agents don’t know what he was exposed to, and the leader (villain) asks for footage. (Hello, EMP)

- “A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.” (Have patience, Watson. / Patience grenade)

- PM involved in plot. (THoB, HLV, T6T: Thatcher, PM, her?)

- 6 (T6T, 666, The Devil, Moriarty, etc)

- Again, the internet, but considering how much money they supposedly have, the graphics are very low-budget. Also, short-sighted? Description used for Mary in TEH. iPhones, for instance, don’t use separate SIM cards. (Post S4 crew explanations of the skull glowing due to blown light bulbs, etc.)

- Use the press as a cover for what really happened. (Magnussen in HLV)

“Foiled the assassination...” Eggsy jokes how probably no one thanked Harry for doing that.

- Bond style cavernous installation with top security that should be run “by someone responsible and sane”, because “bad shit happens if this falls into the wrong hands”.

- Hero that collects butterflies and insects being called a freak, by someone that doesn't understand him yet. Also, we’re back to the situation with the dog not being what it appears. Turns out, the gun had a blank bullet (not a tranquilizer, but you get the idea.) Also, the recruit that supposedly drowned in the first test, was actually a field agent who lived, and works in the Berlin tech dept.

- You can’t hack pen and paper. (Unlike T6T Magnussen footage, and who knows what else in S2-4).

- The suit is a modern gentleman's armor. (Adding a Belstaff is a nice tough, though.)

- Lock & Co. Hatters save the day. (Nice top hat and presumable projection glasses-Google specs?) Also, let’s have the media tycoons share the same shapes and color scheme of blue, with punches of beige and red.

- Old money, and keeping up old traditions leads to problems and weakness.

- Money and intelligence doesn’t have to equal being pretentious.

- The need for coordinates that are going the same way.

- Elaborate bunker with many minions (standard Bond film setup)

- A plane that can't go much of anywhere or put up a defense. (It becomes just a plot device, a vehicle with a different purpose than transport.)

- M (Merlin) played by Ritchie Holmes actor Mark Strong - he was Blackwood. Solve problems under pressure, when one member of the team might die. (TFP)

- Merlin gets nicknamed Mycroft.

This one has been awhile in coming, but... I may have missed a few things, but I think you get the point.

[med20]

PillPack CEO TJ Parker made about $100 million selling his start-up to Amazon last year, and he’s now in charge of leading Amazon’s pharmacy efforts.

PillPack is building out physical pharmacies and is in talks with insurers to make the online service available to many more consumers.

Amazon and PillPack now represent a common enemy for the pharmacy benefit managers (PBMs), who worry that their position as industry middleman is threatened.

It was May 2018, and PillPack CEO TJ Parker was in Seattle to meet with a small contingent from Amazon.

Suitors had been swarming around his online pharmacy, which was taking on CVS and Walgreens and growing rapidly in the process. Walmart was deep in talks with the Boston-based start-up, and pharmaceutical maker Novartis was also hovering.

But bankers from Frank Quattrone’s Qatalyst Partners suggested that Parker and co-founder and product chief Elliot Cohen fly across country for a meeting with one particular Amazon executive: Nader Kabbani. A 14-year company veteran and guest concert pianist with the Seattle Symphony who’d recently been named Amazon’s vice president of consumables, Kabbani shared Parker’s concern about the pharmacy industry and the dominant players’ inability or unwillingness to put the consumer first.

Eventually, Parker and Kabbani were the only ones doing the talking, as all the other participants faded into the background. And from there it didn’t take long for Parker to decide that the bidding had ended. He was selling the company to Amazon.

On June 28, Amazon announced that it was buying PillPack for an undisclosed sum (later revealed as $753 million), snapping up a company that delivers most of the medications consumers can get from their local drugstore packaged in convenient white packets so people will remember to take them, along with automatic refills and 24/7 customer support.

Shares of CVS, Walgreens and Rite Aid tumbled on concern that Amazon was further encroaching on their territory after already taking a huge chunk of the market for toiletries and household goods. In the press release, Jeff Wilke, the head of Amazon’s worldwide consumer business, said the companies would work together to help consumers “save time, simplify their lives and feel healthier.”

What Wilke didn’t say was that Parker, the son of a New Hampshire pharmacist, had plans to surpass $1 billion in revenue by 2020, or that PillPack would soon be negotiating with large insurers to get its service into the hands of many more people while aggressively building out its technology to serve them.

Almost 11 months later and about $100 million richer, Parker’s title is still PillPack CEO, and the only noticeable differences to the outside eye are that his website now says “an amazon company” under the logo and Amazon has a new landing page introducing Prime members to the service. Inside the company, Parker, a 33-year-old pharmacist turned internet entrepreneur, is the face of Amazon’s audacious plan to bust into a prescription drug market that to date has represented perhaps the largest and most glaring gap in its retail empire.

CNBC spoke to a dozen people close to the founders, including investors, friends and PillPack employees for this story, most of whom asked not to be named because of confidentiality agreements. PillPack declined to make Parker or Cohen available for an interview, and neither have spoken publicly since the deal was finalized. Amazon declined to comment and Kabbani didn’t respond to a request for comment.

Here’s a glimpse of what Amazon is now attacking:

Spending on U.S. prescription medications is approaching $500 billion a yearand growing up to 7% annually, according to IQVIA, a provider of health data. Roughly 60% of American adults have at least one chronic illness, such as heart disease, cancer or diabetes, and 40% have two or more, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

The retail drug market for prescriptions has been dominated by large pharmacy chains, including CVS and Walgreens, and independent pharmacies, which all count on a few middlemen known as pharmacy benefit managers (PBMs) to negotiate prices, as well as a handful of large drug distributors.

Other than Wilke’s statement on the day of the deal, Amazon hasn’t uttered a peep about what it plans to do with PillPack.

What we know is that Amazon acquired an 800-plus person workforce and a high-growth, very low-margin business that, like a traditional retailer, uses the majority of its revenue to pay for inventory. We also know that Amazon has not only been continuously adding household products to its marketplace, but has also been establishing its own brands for things like batteries, toilet paper, light bulbs and towels. As delivery times come down to one day for Prime members, what’s the point of ever driving to your neighborhood pharmacy?

PillPack has spent years going through the hard work of getting licenses to ship to every state except Hawaii, and built a system that automatically manages refills and works with insurers on behalf of customers. It sorts pills and provides dispensers to make everything as easy as possible for users.

Fred Destin, an early PillPack investor, describes it as a “complicated and expensive” space with a potentially “big prize.” In other words, it’s the type of business that Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos loves — huge dollars, antiquated technology and so many regulatory barriers that the “smart money” is staying far away. Bezos also knows something about the industry, having taken a board seat at Drugstore.com in the 1990s after Amazon invested in the company. (Walgreens acquired the online drugstore in 2011 for $429 million and shut it down five years later.)

It won’t be an easy market for Amazon to win. PillPack needs relationships with PBMs like Express Scripts and Caremark, which is owned by CVS, to reach the masses of consumers who get their medicines through insurers. Those businesses were worried about Amazon even before it acquired PillPack, because it’s really the only company that could conceivably break up their control if it were to jump into the distribution market and pressure drug manufacturers to lower prices. PillPack also was a concern because it had the potential to take substantial market share from the incumbents.

“Amazon bought the one company in the space that all the PBMs and other pharmacy businesses were threatened by,” said Yumin Choi, a health-tech investor at Bain Capital Ventures. “The challenge is now they put a stake in the ground and the flag has been planted.”

Amazon has to contend with the added problems that come with a disparate ecosystem of physicians, insurance companies and medical records providers, all with their own silos and disconnected systems. Amazon and PillPack may be able to create a better experience for consumers when it comes to delivering medicines, but playing a role in fixing the other inefficiencies may be out of their purview.

“There’s a lot that’s not under their control,” said Eric Percher, an equity analyst covering the pharmacy supply chain at Nephron Research. It’s not clear if Amazon can change the way “that the patient interacts with the pharmacy supply chain and the payor,” he said.

Not the ‘experience that people deserve’

Parker, who has sandy blonde hair, an unkempt beard and thick-rimmed glasses, doesn’t come across as a hard-charging executive scheming to take down the industry superpowers. Zen Chu, a PillPack investor and adviser who teaches health-care innovation at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, joked that he looks more like a member of a Grateful Dead cover band, but with “exceptional clarity of vision.”

The pharmacy business is in Parker’s blood. Growing up, his dad owned a pharmacy in Concord, New Hampshire, where the younger Parker personally checked labels on pill bottles and delivered medicines to nursing homes and assisted living facilities.

He went to pharmacy school at the Massachusetts College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences in Boston and, while there, would periodically go to events at nearby MIT to look for students exploring innovative work in health technology. That’s where he met Cohen, who was attending business school after studying computer science at the University of California at Berkeley. At MIT, Cohen co-founded a program called Hacking Medicine for students interested in medical entrepreneurship.

Cohen wasn’t sold on the idea behind PillPack until he went home and saw his dad, who had undergone quadruple bypass heart surgery while in high school, struggling to manage multiple medications. He texted Parker to say he was in, and the pair spent a weekend putting together a prototype, which won the 2012 Hacking Medicine hackathon and landed them checks from MIT’s Chu and his wife and fellow investor Katie Rae.

In 2014, the year PillPack started serving customers, Parker’s dad joined as one of the company’s first pharmacists in the office in Manchester, New Hampshire, located 20 minutes from Concord. The founders would drive to the local IKEA to get furniture for the pharmacy.

At internal meetings, Parker talked about the opportunities to modernize the pharmacy experience and to develop an aspirational brand, like what Warby Parker created in the stodgy eyeglasses market, rather than constantly reminding people that they’re sick.

“TJ used to talk at all-hands about the local CVS, where you’d see aisles stacked with three-liter bottles of Coke with fluorescent lights and grey carpeting,” said AJ Resnick, a director of analytics at Pillpack from 2015 to 2016. In his mind, that “wasn’t the experience that people deserve.”

Growth was slow for the first couple years because PillPack had to file for licenses in every state and needed to open physical retail stores in certain states to stay in-network with the PBMs. It also had an advertising problem, because ad teams at Google and Facebook mistakenly labeled PillPack as a drug manufacturer, which required it to include all sorts of safety issues that weren’t relevant.

Fortunately for Parker, he’d taken a small check from Kevin Colleran of Slow Ventures, an early member of Facebook’s ad sales team. Colleran connected Parker to the right people at Facebook to clear up the matter and get PillPack off what the investor called “the naughty list.”

“Once they got on Facebook, it helped escalate their growth more than other platforms,” said Colleran, who also became close friends with Parker.

Then consumers caught on. By the time of last year’s acquisition, the business was on track to generate $299 million in annual revenue, with plans to more than double in 2019 to $635 million before reaching $1.2 billion in 2020, according to a pitch deck viewed by CNBC. Those are big numbers for a company founded just five years earlier, and proved there was plenty of demand for what PillPack was offering.

But PillPack was burning through $6 million a month at its peak because of the low profit margins and escalating costs of expansion. Some of the high expenses were tied to the development of a back-end software system called PharmacyOS, which the company was designing to automate the process of prescription renewals, billing insurance, getting authorizations from providers and sending out notifications. David Frankel, an early PillPack backer, calls it the “spaghetti connectivity” of the pharmacy world.

Parker knew in 2016 that Amazon was interested in the space through conversations with executives at the company, according to people with knowledge of the talks. Amazon was also dabbling around the edges of the market and would soon start hiring business leaders focused on pharmacy and selling things like at-home DNA tests and over-the-counter medicines.

Having already raised $115 million, including a $60 million round in mid-2016, PillPack needed more capital to keep the business afloat. Parker was gearing up to raise more cash had the deal with Amazon or another bidder not materialized.

By early 2018, it was becoming clear that Amazon could be an ally or a competitor. Parker chose the former option.

For Amazon, which recorded over $230 billion in sales last year, PillPack doesn’t move the needle at its current size. The value for Amazon is in the promise of plugging the delivery network into the giant e-commerce machine, especially when considering that the average PillPack user in 2018 was worth $5,000 in revenue, through insurance payments and patient co-pays, according to the slide presentation.

That’s far more than the average Prime member, who spends about $1,300 a year on Amazon after the $119 annual subscription, according to a 2017 study. Also, most of PillPack’s users are in their 50s and 60s and they’re loyal customers, giving Amazon an older demographic to target with other product promotions. You could imagine signing in to order your blood-thinning medication and seeing a recommendation for shaving cream, toilet paper or nail polish, all things you’d been buying at the store.

Much more than commerce

Amazon is already using that tactic in reverse, promoting the PillPack service to a targeted group of Prime subscribers. But Amazon can provide a whole lot more to PillPack than access to 100 million-plus Prime users.

One effort underway involves large insurers, who could offer the mail-order service as a perk to their members, and in return provide the company with potentially millions of new customers.

According to a confidential document viewed by CNBC, Blue Cross Blue Shield, a federation of 36 health insurance plans that cover more than 100 million Americans, has reached out to PillPack about providing the service to members. While no deal has materialized, the document says Blue Cross would provide home delivery and other benefits as well as discounts on over-the-counter drugs and possibly a branded medication dispenser.

A Blue Cross spokesperson declined to comment.

Amazon can also add the muscle PillPack needs to stand up to the PBMs, which effectively determine whether a pharmacy is able to get customers. Large employers, insurers and Medicare and Medicaid rely on PBMs to administer prescription coverage, and PBMs have not looked kindly on start-ups delivering medications to the home because many offer their own lucrative mail-order services.

In 2016, Express Scripts, the largest PBM, threatened to remove PillPack from its network, claiming the company was misrepresenting itself as a retail pharmacy instead of a mail-delivery pharmacy. The move would have cut PillPack off from about a third of its customers virtually overnight.

“There were many, many attempts to crush this company,” said Jim Messina, a former White House deputy chief of staff under Barack Obama who was hired by PillPack to navigate the challenges presented by PBMs.

Messina, who joined PillPack’s board in November 2017 along with former Treasury Secretary Larry Summers, laid out an aggressive campaign that involved setting up the website fixpharmacy.com to rally support from existing customers in an effort to reach key policymakers in Washington. Parker set up a war room at the office, where top staffers put in 16-hour days on the #fixpharmacy crusade. In just over a week, the marketing team, led by former IDEO executive Colin Raney, published multiple videos featuring customers talking about their dependence on the service.

TJ will “go to war and fight for his company and try to do things differently,” Messina said.

However, Express Scripts did have a case. The company had given PillPack a contract to sell as a retail pharmacy, and not by mail. PillPack had some physical locations but it was shipping medications to patients from those pharmacies. Express Scripts eventually agreed to give a mail-order contract to PillPack (which is still in effect), but not before Parker fessed up to an “administrative error” that resulted in the company briefly shipping to states where it wasn’t properly licensed.

Brian Henry, a spokesman for Express Scripts, told Forbes at the time that, “there are standards and regulations and industry practices you have to follow.” He declined to provide further comment to CNBC.

Parker’s history with Express Scripts and unwillingness to back down from a fight was one of the qualities that most attracted Amazon to PillPack, according to people familiar with the matter.

“He thought that the only way to make a change is to shine a light on the dark spots, and he had the information on where those dark spots were,” said Zachariah Reitano, CEO of men’s health start-up Roman, which counts Parker as an investor. “He did it in a way where it benefited the patient, and not just for the benefit of his company.”

Staffing up quickly

PillPack is just a piece of Amazon’s expansive plan to uproot the $3 trillion U.S. health-care industry. The company is also working with J.P. Morgan Chase and Berkshire Hathaway on a joint venture called Haven aiming to improve care and bring down the costs. It has plans to open its own health clinics for employees, and there’s a secretive group called Grand Challenge working on telemedicine and applying machine learning to cancer research, among other futuristic projects. Then there’s Amazon Web Services and the Alexa voice division, which have various efforts underway to pull together medical records and mine data.

But for all the indigestion Amazon has created in the pharmaceutical and health-care industries, the company doesn’t appear to have any grand plan yetto take on the market. Cohen spoke at a recent investment bank event and told those in the crowd that there’s no single person in Seattle who owns the health efforts, according to a person who was in attendance.

The immediate objective for PillPack is to keep growing and hiring. The company didn’t insist on retaining its brand permanently as part of the acquisition, according to a person familiar with the transaction, so it could eventually be renamed to something like Amazon Pharmacy.

Amazon is staffing up the business to serve tens of thousands more customers and adding the necessary pharmacists and pharmacy technicians. Amazon has about 50 PillPack job openings listed on its careers site, primarily in Boston and Somerville. Some of the most recent listings are for a packing and shipping specialist and visual designer, and more than half the positions are in software development, including for a “team lead,” tasked with “establishing mechanisms and best practices for a growing team.”

PillPack has bolstered ad spending on TV stations (including CNBC and MSNBC) that reach an older audience, as well as across digital networks like Facebook.

It’s also forging ahead with plans already in place in Phoenix to build out a 175,000-square-foot pharmacy operation, which is about the size of a Walmart Supercenter, to serve as a retail pharmacy and distribution center. The facility has been adding state licenses that will allow PillPack to better serve customers in the western U.S.

When the acquisition was disclosed in June, some analysts speculated that Amazon wanted PillPack because it had pharmacy licenses in almost every state. The consulting firm Kantar said PillPack’s 49 licenses make it “incredibly asset-rich.”

In Arizona, PillPack has been lobbying local officials to allow pharmacy technicians, the people who assist pharmacists, to transfer medications from other pharmacies into PillPack. A handful of employees and a PillPack lawyer showed up at an Arizona State Board of Pharmacy meeting in December to request an exemption from a law that requires pharmacists to handle transfers that come in by phone. PillPack’s representatives said the company already uses technicians for those tasks in New Hampshire (one of the 13 states that allow it) and has a rigorous training program and oversight in place to ensure patient safety.

The PillPack crew didn’t talk about cost savings or the need to rapidly scale, but you could hear the Amazon influence in their argument. For PillPack to function like an Amazon business, it has to get the most of both technology and lower-cost employees. The company was granted a six-month exemption, after which it has to produce a report on findings and error rates.

Moving ‘beyond their core’

Since the acquisition last June, Parker has relocated to Park City, Utah, near the company’s sales and business development office. On most Tuesdays, he flies to Seattle, where he recently bought a house, and stays until Thursday.

He continues to work closely with Kabbani, who has facilitated introductions between PillPack’s team and top Amazon executives in areas like AWS and Haven, people familiar with the matter said.

Though Parker and Cohen report to Kabbani, the founders are very much the ones leading the charge. Kabbani is a respected manager who has risen through the ranks at Amazon, helping build the Kindle self-publishing platform and then leading a variety of last-mile delivery projects, including Flex, the on-demand delivery hiring service. But he doesn’t have much experience in health care or drug supply chain, a fact he made clear to the PillPack team during the acquisition talks, according to people familiar with the discussions.

Kabbani’s logistics expertise is likely to play into PillPack’s effort to expand its on-the-ground presence. The company has physical pharmacies in five states — New Hampshire, New York, Texas, Florida and Arizona — which it needs to legally ship to all the various states and so it can deliver quickly, without having to send packages across the country.

Cohen’s focus has largely been on PharmacyOS, which PillPack launched in 2017 as a “brand new operating system that we built from the ground up,” replacing lots of old, off-the-shelf technology.

According to an internal presentation PillPack executives created before the Amazon deal, the company was pitching PharmacyOS as its next big growth driver, and two people familiar with the matter said it was one of the main pieces that interested Amazon. PillPack has been trying to get the technology in the hands of pharmaceutical makers, doctors and insurance companies to automate and streamline their processes as well, so it’s not just used internally.

“Such a move would mean they’re expanding far beyond their core solution to the tens of millions of people who take generic medicines,” said Stephen Buck, a former vice president at drug distributor McKesson, after CNBC described the document. Buck, who’s now CEO of health-tech start-up Courage Health, said it suggests that “PillPack is going to be a much bigger player in pharmacy.”

Just after the deal came together and before taking up his new post in Seattle, Parker wanted to celebrate. He invited some friends and their family members to his home in the Boston suburb of Somerville, a short walk from PillPack’s headquarters, to enjoy a summer barbecue.

Parker and Cohen cooked steaks and veggies on the grill in the garden. Meanwhile, Kabbani took a seat at the piano in the living room and entertained the kids in attendance with classical music. Destin, the early investor, was there with his 12-year-old son, who showed off some of his card tricks. The boy was such a hit with Kabbani that the Amazon executive jokingly offered him a job.

“It didn’t feel like a commercial transaction,” said Destin, the founder of venture firm Stride.VC. “It felt like a family barbecue and that touched me. It reminded me that it’s about people having faith in other people and taking risks on their behalf.”