#MELANIE MY BELOVED YOU DESERVE A GOOD LIFE

[fishymom-art]

i finished season 4 of magnus archives and i am NOT okay

everyone's traumatized, but 4 lesbians, a muffin gay and a terrified asexual got a little win so that's good

[rossary-of-the-rose]

So. I just listened to MAG 200, finally finishing the fever dream that is The Magnus Archives, and all I have to say is: Holy shit. Just. Good lord.

Look, I knew it was going to be sad. I've been on Pinterest. But Jesus. I was not prepared. Now I'm shaking and will certainly be curling in the fetal position later, sobbing and screaming into the void. I mean, I'm happy for Basira, Melanie & Georgie of course, as well as our beloved Admiral, but God. Jon and Martin, I love you, you deserved so much better, I see why all your fanfics are fix it. But even just thinking about everyone we have lost, all the characters I got emotionally attached to. Sasha. Tim. Daisy. Michael Shelley. Even thinking about all the avatars (I'm a sucker for a villian, what can I say?) makes my lungs spasm with love and want. I shall miss them all for eternity.

And so ends possibly the greatest experience I've ever had with a fandom, at least until I recover enough to start tmagp. Everything about tma is just pure amazingness. Everything. It's funny how much you can grow to love random people just by hearing them voice act a character and laugh in bloopers. I love them so much, the whole cast. The two blooper episodes brought me more joy than I think I have ever experienced with a piece of media, trumping even the mighty Good Omens, which is saying something (To be fair though, Not with that thong on! and Oh god, I'm knackered, I've been doing all this labelling! would make anyone crack up, although perhaps not continue hysterically giggling for over fifty minutes... They still pop into my head sometimes and I'll just randomly snort in really inappropriate situations because I'm gonna buy some 'ead and shoulders, 'cause I found one on the road this mornin'! and Gertrude's been on the sauce, need I say more? Yes? Alright then,if you insist - Happy little DOORBELLS! FifTy MInUteS eArLY! and Fuck you, Jonny. God, he drags the rest of us down. What a wanker! I could go on, but I feel these brackets have already gotten way longer than they have any business being). I love these strangers more than I love anyone else I've actually met before, except my partner. They are everything to me. And I cannot wait to re-listen to all five seasons yet again, definitely screaming and crying and laughing and screaming while I do so. I have never before listened to and experienced something so perfect. Alex and Jonny, you have legitimately changed my life in all the best and worst ways possible, and I hate you and love you for it. You have my utmost gratitude and admiration, also kindly piss off.

Seriously though, the genuine adoration and idolization I hold for all the voice actors is sort of concerning. VA for Simon Fairchild gets a special mention, as well as Michael The Distortion because how is it possible to fall in love with a person after listening to only their voice for thirty seconds-

[singerorpheus]

im just gna word vomit everything i saw:

- i had madeline charlemagne as eurydice and beth hinton lever as a fate! beth had a string of bells as her instrument!

- i kept being drawn to bella as a fate shes so so mean and nasty im obsessed with her

- nothing changes is too fast and i stand by that!!!

- the cut lines for the women i will always mourn but theres also something so powerful about the looks eurydice and persephone and even hermes shoot each other like the silence is so so loud

- doubt comes in orpheus hitting his chest, i literally heard with my own two ears donal shushing the fates as they go where is she, he kisses his little necklace thing before starting

- LIKE WHAT IS HIS LITTLE NECKLACE THING

- the notebook during chant i literally just has la la la la la written on it thats my poet who will change the world btw

- zachery hades is so fucking yassified i feel like no one mentioned that his chant ii walk is so cunty

- the use of the red at the back of his outfit is used so cleanly and effectively its almost diabolical how good that combination of blocking and costuming is

- i literallt cannot believe i saw donal orpheus sing if its true live like in real life like oh my god

- buy your tickets at the right side!! orpheus does run up next to the crowd to climb some metal scaffolding(?) to run up to eurydice after flowers, but in the defense of the left side -- eurydice stands there pretty often and so does hermes so you get full melanie all the time which is a dream and also holy shit you can just see orpheus in front of you for doubt comes in as he starts panicking

- god they really make donal run and sing and he does it full body

- wow melanie really gives her all the entire time shes on stage the silent moments she has with eurydice especially after hey little songbird is like oh my god

- also i wanted the lights to swing over my head so so bad

- god the lighting tony win is so fucking deserved its so fucking CRAZY how full body the experience of the lights are

- during our lady of the underground gloria reached out and touched someones bald head in the front row shes so fucking funny

- also i just kept hearing from the people around about how good gloria is once the show is done and theyre so right

- absolutely no notes for madeline she was absolutely great (i could literally see her shake during chant i and hey little songbird) she sang "orpheus" before she went back down after doubt comes in which was a big OOF for me

- the parallel between eurydice learning the dance from the workers during livin it up on top and her learning the moves during why we build the wall omg

- when orpheus makes the little newspaper flower it has a little stalk in the middle of it unlike broadway

- during olotu, when persephone introduces the keyboardist he does the little pierre "no i am enjoying myself at home this evening" fist pump

- gloria's single tear post chant ii is fucking killer.

- also hades does a little funny shimmy during lover's desire like i wonder if every hades and persephone has a slightly different dance? bc i dont rmb some of those moves

- when hermes sings "and that is how it ends" orpheus just collapses.... my poor beloved poet!!

- orpheus reacts to the lamp above the exit before he leaves

- i guess i also didn't really realise how hurt orpheus is by the time doubt comes in happens orpheus as a little stumble by the time he starts epic iii and hes so so greviously hurt by then already

- this orpheus doesn't have the Classic red tied bandana it's more like just a piece of non-patterned red cloth around his neck. he wear a necklace (which i will emphasise so much i so desperately want to know what it is -- the stage is so fucking high i couldn't get a clear view of it) which had two pendants of things that i couldn't see and a black (iron?) ring on his middle finger if im not wrong

-the red carnation that appears doesn't have leaves or a stem unlike the broadway version that ive seen its just petals that appear in orpheus' and hades' hands

-if ure a west end enthusiast like i am u would already know but hermes has a pocket watch now that she checks periodically and its a big reoccurring thing

-when persephone leaves for up top in act 1 zachary hades is like slouched iirc -- i think zachary plays up the business man aspect of hades and also hades' underlying sadness whereas i think other hadeses have more anger within them with some sadness popping up periodically

-orpheus during epic iii when the workers start singing with him had a little smile/relief before he went back to being in Extreme Pain

[mxrstar]

martin!

eheh its the day after but i finally got around to answering this

How I feel about this character

mahtin my beloved. jon’s bear husband is a bitch and i like him so much. i think he’s a very cool character, i like that he gets to be pragmatic, bitchy, charismatic, insecure and gentle at once. i like that he has flaws and a short temper at times and that he writes mediocre poetry. he gets some of my favorite “oh, fuck you, actually” moments on the podcast. i care him. i think if i met someone like him in real life i’d eventually find them oddly charming

All the people I ship romantically with this character

i do really love jonmartin. i have big feelings about them and i like how they slowly got to know each other, how they built their connection in the midst of terror. i also really love martim, very often in the formula: friends with benefits with a loving connection, who gradually build a relationship from there. jonmartim is also a big fave, they would balance each other really well.

as for rarepairs, it takes an interesting rare-pair story to convince me. or if you are @gerrydelano, it takes literally a bunch of disconnected rambles about a secret ship in his fic and im sold ten times over

My non-romantic OTP for this character

eheh i’ve talked about this more extensively in the melanie ask but i really think a melanie&martin friendship would be extremely cool

My unpopular opinion about this character

people write him too flat too often. there’s So Much content around him but he’s rarely characterised with the amount of depth he deserves. it’s hard to write in-character stuff, for sure, but he has a very specific voice that very easily falls into a stereotype, i think? like he’s often the “cinnamon roll too good for this word too pure <3″ or “mean asshole” (though more often the first one) and neither really fits

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

idk if there's anything i would add cause so much time is devoted to martin, especially in s5. i wish he had said “yeah i am a gay man and also im so fucking hot” on record cause he deserves it

feel free to send me other characters <3

[francesderwent]

I only have the words to say this because of @itspileofgoodthings but truly one of the best kinds of love story endings is when one person is willing to take things easy or settle for something less than perfection because they think that’s what the other person wants or needs, and the other person pushes through their own fear and their own warped desire and says “no, you’re not going to sacrifice anything to get on my level, I don’t want you to wait up for me, I want you to get everything you want, and only the best of everything, and I’m going to be the one to give it to you”

examples include:

Damon becoming human for Elena because even though she won’t ask him to do that for her, he can do it for “us”

not to be weird but Joe Alwyn not letting Taylor break up with him to protect him from her fame, saying, no I’m going to be the one to decide if this is too much for me, and it isn’t

Declan in Leap Year telling Anna “I don’t want to not make plans with you...I want to make plans with you”

Dex recognizing that his own life has been a little bit empty for a while now and being willing and ready to step into Lily’s life and her way of doing things

Spike undergoing the challenge! to! regain! his! soul!!!!!

when Shawn says “she deserves better” and Gus tells him “no, she deserves the best version of you” (!!!!!)

Jake from Sweet Home Alabama Making Something Of Himself so he can make Melanie happy

P.T Barnum going home to his family at the end of Greatest Showman because even though they love and support him and his work it’s more important that he be there for them.

like...wow.  obviously there is a sense in which letting go is a real and important element of love, you can’t grasp at people, and there are very, very romantic moments that involve realizing you are not the best thing for this person (a really good one that comes to mind is Johnny telling Penelope he can’t marry her because even though he loves her he knows he can’t break the curse, and he thinks that’s what she wants) - but actually it’s only an intermediate step, it’s not the most romantic thing or even the “best”, most admirable thing.  giving of oneself is more romantic than letting go.  becoming someone capable of love is more admirable than selflessly hoping your beloved finds someone already perfectly worthy of them.

[soveryanon]

Reviewing time for MAG155~~

- It was a very interesting experience because… in the end, what was the thing that made me/us collectively disgusted by the statement-giver? Is there a way we could have felt a bit of sympathy or pity towards her? How come that she felt as loathable (or more) as the spooks gleefully killing for fun that we’ve met before? Why did I absolutely lack any empathy towards her even before she officialised that she had to kill people to stay alive and exactly whom she had indeed killed (the doctor trying to save her life, a helpless old woman, a young homeless man, a baby…)?

I think that in this statement, it mostly came down to the lack of regret and shame, and the hypocrisy regarding Tova’s motivations and her targets of choice: yes, fearing death and sacrificing people to keep living would be understandable as a human trait (and obviously not justifiable), but what made Tova mostly insufferable was how she kept presenting herself as a Good Person all through it, and how her story may be revealing that her so-called “philanthropy” was mostly… empty and only for show. Her “charitable” actions were never really about improving people’s lives or seeing the poor as people who deserved better, but about positioning herself at the centre of things, to think of herself as someone Better and Worth More, while poor or marginalised people were just presented as… things that needed her help, but not mattering much in the grand scheme of things, to the point that she ended up specifically targeting the people who she claimed needed her help (almost presenting it as if they owed their lives to her in the first place)?

(MAG155, Tova McHugh) “I had to live, I couldn’t die, not then. We were on the verge of closing a deal that would provide fresh water to impoverished communities in a dozen developing countries; without me, it would fall through…! So I kept moving, senses attuned to what I needed – and I found her, sitting in a park, all on her own. An old woman, frail and shivering, staring out at the ducks over the water, empty bread bag by her side. If only I could’ve explained it to her, I’m sure she would have understood. She might even have agreed…! But I couldn’t talk to her. And I needed to live. […] This time, I sought out a homeless man. Young and strong, though his life was clearly over as he tried to destroy himself through drinking. […] It’s… strange, the maths you do of it all. A full life ahead of it, but… aside from the devastated parents, no real harm to the world as a whole. No good works left unfinished. It was a baby born to poverty, one whose life I thought would… bring it pain. […] I’m 40 now, and I have taken the life of beloved mothers, respected professionals, pillars of the community. But I have done so much good with my life…! I’ve reached further, helped more people than they ever could have!”

And if the point was to spread the fear of Death: the most obvious target should have been someone famous, but as that pretty often comes with wealthiness… it just didn’t seem to cross her mind to target someone from her own social group or higher, I’m guessing?

Tova was so obsessed with appearances, with being acknowledged as “necessary”, with being credited for her ~good deeds~? You would like to hear some honesty from a serial killer, and she didn’t sound like she was providing any because she was still clinging to the image she was constructing for show. What pushed her to give a statement in a first place? Usually, statement-givers had been people screaming for help, or depositing their story because no-one would understand, or people delivering a message through their statements… but it felt like Tova was mostly doing it because she was trying to defend herself against the perception that people could have had of her?

(MAG155, Tova McHugh) “You’ve got to understand: I have so much to live for. Oh, okay, that’s not quite it; I know most people have plenty to live for, but what I mean is that my life does good…! I put a lot into the world. Did you read about that homelessness initiative, that got 8000 people into shelters – that was me! […] And that’s not money from some trust fund…! I mean, sure, my parents loaned me the money to start, but I built my business up from the ground, and we now provide jobs for almost 700 people….! And I know that everyone’s life has value, but I just… need to be clear that my impact on the world is a positive one. My existence does a lot of good. And that’s only gotten more true since all this started; I’ve given more, spent more time on charitable stuff, and… helped more people…! Sorry, I’m just… aware of how this story makes me look. And I don’t want you to think I’m some… selfish monster grinding people up just to extend my own ghoulish life. I’m trying to do good…!”

It’s also interesting how it was a very self-centred statement (lots of “I”s, the insistence that what had happened to her wasn’t “fair” while, hum, her victims could have said the same about what she did to them) and, yet, all of Tova’s reasonings and her entire life felt artificial? For example, it would still have felt wrong if she had wanted to survive because she didn’t want to give up her life and her husband; but no, he was just… summed up in two lines, and felt like an impersonal cardboard standee (“So, when I had an epileptic seizure, the first one of my entire life, the month before my wedding, that wasn’t fair…! […] having my first attack at the top of a staircase, five weeks before the happiest day of my life, that’s just… not fair! […] The church was magnificent, the reception the most fun I’d had in years, and Daven was exactly the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. […] There was no one else around: Daven was on a business trip and I was alone in the house.”). They were still married by the time she gave her statement, I guess? But we didn’t know, and it didn’t feel at all like he truly mattered much to her.

Also, I DO NOT LIKE THIS and/or really hope it’s just how The End feels when it goes for specific people:

(MAG155, Tova McHugh) “But more likely, I thought it would be nothing. No “heaven”, or “hell”, no thought or sensation, just… nothing! You wouldn’t even notice you were gone. But it wasn’t like that at all. I don’t know if I have… words, for it. How can you describe being aware of the absence of everything? Life. Light. Warmth. It was very dark. And very cold. It dawned on me that this might be my existence… forever, there, beyond time, and I tried so desperately to scream, but… I had no lungs or throat in that dreadful place. I couldn’t even cry. […] Again, I found myself in that dark, cold place; and this time, I simply waited, hoping against hope that this time, it wouldn’t be forever. […] Surely, it would see me through to the time I was actually meant to die; that I could go… peacefully into oblivion, not trapped in that… dreadful darkness.”

Because Tim is having a LOVELY kayaking trip and is not stuck in a dark, cold, empty place, thank you very much :|

- So wow, once again, the whole statement felt like it was coming for Jon’s throat re: choosing to feed, still presenting yourself as The Victim when you’re pushed to hurt others in order to survive, the fact that it’s never the right time to die, not wanting to do something or to be responsible for something and doing it anyway.

(MAG155, Tova McHugh) “So, when I had an epileptic seizure, the first one of my entire life, the month before my wedding, that wasn’t fair…! […] Did I have to do it again? The idea… appalled me to my core, but it seemed the only explanation. I had to live, I couldn’t die, not then. […] If only I could’ve explained it to her, I’m sure she would have understood. She might even have agreed…! But I couldn’t talk to her. And I needed to live. […] I made a decision. One I am… deeply ashamed of, but I honestly thought it was for the best. I couldn’t keep living like that in the shadow of death – of what I had to do to keep going. “One sacrifice,” I thought. […] Surely, this would be enough. Surely, it would see me through to the time I was actually meant to die […] I’m not saying how I live is right, or good… but it is the position I have been put in, and a decision I have to make. I never wanted to weigh up the value of a life, to set it on the scales against my own. But that’s a choice that I am forced into. And it is one I will continue to make.”

At least, Jon strongly reacted to that – although he’s still exploring and… waiting, without any answer.

(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: I’ve been reading nothing but these old, [FLAPPING PAPER] dry statements for so long, I… [PAPER RUSTLING] I feel weak. Like I’m… fading away. Do I restrain myself, keep my appetite in check, even at the cost of my life? Or do I try to rationalise what I am, like… Ms. McHugh? I find myself… hating her, her… callous self-deception. But am I so different…? Daisy’s chosen to resist in her own way, knowing full well it might take her life in the end; Melanie too. I… respect them for it, but I… I don’t know if I can follow their path. I suppose I have a way out, now. One that… wouldn’t even kill me – at least, I hope not. And yet, here I am still… Am I a coward? I just… What if they need me? What if.

Still under withdrawal, as long as it can last, but not exactly firm about the necessity of it at the same time.

(And also: sob that Tova’s “I made a decision.” reminded me of Jon’s own “I’m making a decision. I trust them. All of them.” from MAG117 ;;)

- I do love how a few episodes ago, Jon was Very Intensely claiming that no, he didn’t want to philosophise:

(MAG152) ARCHIVIST: And how can I tell, I suppose? My job is to view people at their lowest, their most fearful and unstable moments. Perhaps there is less change there than I imagine. Certainly… I don’t feel different; I have no desire for pseudo-religious philosophising or… delighting in the suffering of those I harm. … Then again, I suppose I’m hardly in the best position to judge.

(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: … What is the value of a life? Is it something that can be quantified, put down as “numbers”, “good deeds”, “bad”? And when your life, your existence, is at the cost of doing harm, what then? I’ve… [DRY CHUCKLE] I’ve saved the world…! The whole world! Does that… give me the right to… [SIGH] take what I need to survive…?

… And listen to him now, going for cliché Existential Questions from the get-go. At the same time, not very surprising from Jonathan “I’ve been quit from smoking for five years (which is why I had cigarettes on me)” Sims, it’s just your Typical Jon In Action.

(At the same, kind of worrying that if he goes for philosophising now, he could as well go for ~delighting in the sufferings of those [he] harms~, because what’s left, really?)

I’m still questioning heavily, though, what has been pushing Jon towards this or that statement lately. We know that for Eric’s tape, he purposefully picked one that he was prone to ignore, and identified that resistance as Beholding’s influence. What about the written statements? Since Annabelle’s taunt, we got a demonstration of Beholding being all-powerful (MAG148), hey-hey-hey-the-power-of-“I-love-you”-could-save-someone-from-The-Lonely / “gay love says f*ck The Lonely” (MAG150), Embracing Your Patron Makes You Feel Better (MAG152), You’re Never “Too Smart” To Avoid A Cult And Also Not Embracing A Fear Makes You Feel Miserable and Alone (MAG153); bonus, for all of them,  the fact that the Fear(s) at work were quite blatantly sneaking in through people’s own weaknesses, at a time they were vulnerable (was it an invitation to focus on that part of himself…?). MAG155 was once again about an avatar embracing their path, although with a lot of hypocrisy and… technically not a lot of love for their patron. The comparison was very obviously unflattering for Jon (Tova McHugh insisting that what happened to her wasn’t earned, that it wasn’t her time to die, that she was Necessary, refusing to die even at the costs of other people, agreeing that some of her trials and errors were cruel, while still… accepting what she did as fair, and not planning to stop, and not feeling guilty for it), and while a lot of the recent statements sound like Jon’s Life, the question is still open: is it Beholding pushing Jon towards specific statements? Annabelle, to roast Jon utterly? Or is it Jon being drawn to statements that match his own feelings and interrogations?

- … there was SUCH a cruel edge in Jon’s words and snappiness:

(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: Earlier, when she was still out of it, I, uh… I “saw” some of the things she was talking about, some of the things she did, while she was police. I’m not convinced I disagree with her assessment. [PAUSE] Do you want me to tell you? BASIRA: No. No, I don’t.

It’s what Elias would have threatened to do?! Bad, Jon, bad D: (His tone really changes depending on who he’s talking to? There are so many silences and so much dryness with Basira, while he was frantic with Martin, tends to be very soft with Daisy, and careful and awkward with Melanie…)

- Uhoh… So Melanie is quitting-for-real, Daisy is dying, and Basira is apparently going looking both Julia&Trevor and Annabelle through London. The assistants were supposed to check on him:

(MAG150) ARCHIVIST: We’re… all well aware that with Peter Lukas in charge of the Institute, it’s a very real danger to all of us. We are trying. Daisy, Basira and I, we don’t leave the Institute much anymore – so we do spend a lot of time together. It’s not that easy, though. When everyone has so many walls, so many defences… [SIGH] sometimes you can feel lonely even when you’re in the same room. … But it’s better than the alternative. And at least none of us is suffering alone.

(MAG154) ARCHIVIST: Yes, no, I know, I’m sorry, uh– that didn’t… come out right. Honestly: thank you. [EXHALE] It’s been hell, but… I–I did need to hear it. MARTIN: Oh, hum… Uh, g–good. Heh. Are the others… helping? ARCHIVIST: Oh! [DRY CHUCKLE] They’ve been keeping a… very close eye on me…!

… but who will do that from now on? It really doesn’t feel like, logistically, Jon is currently being kept under surveillance? ;;

- ONE GOOD THING IN THE WORLD: the fact that Jon told the assistants quickly about that way of escaping!!

(MAG155) MELANIE: [INHALE] Thanks for… telling me, by the way. [INHALE] I–it didn’t look like it was easy for you. ARCHIVIST: [EXHALE] I–i–it wasn’t. I don’t think, uh… I don’t think “it” wants to lose anyone, but I thought… you of all people deserve the option.

It could go badly in many ways, but at least, he told them – unlike Gertrude, and unlike what Martin seemed to imply/assume…? So both fighting Beholding and refusing to follow Gertrude’s footsteps here.

Though yeah, Jon admitted that he wasn’t ready to do it himself. But the option that Melanie is going for does highlight that… there is a choice. And one of the Assistants is taking that option – if they don’t follow her example, it just means that, yeah, they’re making an implicit choice to stay, too.

(- Re:Gertrude, I didn’t really have time to ponder about it last week… but what if she did end up gouging out her own eyes, hence the blood in her office and the discrepancy between her two dates of death in March/May 2015? Because if it works to cut the connection to Beholding (I don’t think that Gertrude was as deep in as Jon currently is), then… maybe Elias wasn’t feeling her anymore, until he learned that she was still alive in May 2015…? He “assumed” she was dead the same way that Gertrude “assumed” that Eric had been killed by Mary:

(MAG154) ERIC: … Gertrude, I left the Archives months before she killed me. GERTRUDE: What?! No, that’s… that’s not possible. […] You… I’m sorry – you “quit”? ERIC: Yeah! I figured out how. GERTRUDE: I… I just assum– … How?

(MAG040) ELIAS: On the 15th of March last year, I had a query about a statement one of our researchers was after and went down to the Archives. Gertrude wasn’t there, but her desk was covered in blood. I, I called the police, and there was a huge search, but… there was no sign of Gertrude, alive or dead. She didn’t have any assistants, so there were no witnesses, and no-one saw or heard anything. The police tested the blood and confirmed the DNA matched to Gertrude, though I don’t know why they had her on file. They judged there to be almost a gallon of blood spilled, far more than the human body can lose and survive so, I assumed she was dead and left the investigation to the police, for all that good it did me.

… Counter-point, though: Gertrude recorded MAG087’s statement in April 2015, and it was a written one – so she could still see and/or there was Beholding magic allowing her to read though the statement without physically reading it, and both are not compatible with the idea that sacrificing your eyesight would cut your ties to Beholding…)

- It’s the second time recently (and the third this season) that Jon summarised The Unknowing as that time ~he saved the world~ and still no Tim mention although he squeezed the detonator :|

(MAG126) ARCHIVIST: … I remembered Gertrude’s notebook; we found it alongside the plastic explosives, but it rather got lost amongst the business of… [SIGH] saving the world at the cost of two lives…

(MAG150) MELANIE: Helping it out… even in small ways, i–is in some way… evil too! Every time we try to use it to do good, it just seems to make everything worse, and… and I will not be a part of that anymore. ARCHIVIST: What about The Unknowing? We, we saved the world! MELANIE: Did we? I… I mean, I–I think it was the right thing to do, but how many people were killed to do it? We, we weren’t even a neutral party; we did it as agents of The Eye, because Elias told us to.

(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: I’ve… [DRY CHUCKLE] I’ve saved the world…! The whole world!

(Also, “saved the whole world”: as opposed to what, Jon. Half of the world? … Alright, with Tova’s statement in mind and the idea that ~uwu I’m only taking one life now and then but meanwhile I’m doing so much good!~, that’s fair.)

- I’m a bit ? regarding one of Jon’s comments in passing:

(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: I’ve been reading nothing but these old, [FLAPPING PAPER] dry statements for so long, I… [PAPER RUSTLING] I feel weak. Like I’m… fading away.

Because Annabelle had suggested that no, Jon hasn’t been able to read statements “silently” lately:

(MAG147, Annabelle Cane) “But think about it, Jon: when’s the last time you were able to read a statement quietly to yourself without instinctively hitting record and speaking it aloud? It is just instinct? Habit? Or is it a compulsion – a string pulled by the Ceaseless Watcher or the Mother of Puppets? Or both?”

And we can’t really say that Jon has stuck to old statements for soooooo loooooong – it’s been what, starting with MAG146 since Manuela’s live-statement (MAG144’s was read by Martin, MAG145 was one of Gertrude’s tapes), and Annabelle left her written statement fresh from the day in MAG147, so… Jon recorded five “old” statements since he was put on withdrawal. That’s… not a lot?

So, what is happening? I already felt that Annabelle might be misleading and over-exaggerating to mess with Jon, because Jon had provided some follow-up right after recording a few statements lately (such as with Eugene in MAG139: there was no static after his reading, and Jon still described the steel plant’s website, so… he had done his research before recording). At the same time, the cases of Jon’s victims demonstrated that the tape recorders hadn’t been recording everything spooky around Jon (the tape recorder only bothered with Floyd) – could it be the same with written statements lately…? Has Jon begun to read some aloud without us hearing them because the tape recorders aren’t clicking on…? If so, what would set apart the statements we heard as “important” enough to get recorded? With Floyd, we could make the argument that it was about Salesa – a well-known figure whose disappearance had long been (and is still) shrouded in mystery – while Jon’s other victims seemed to have been attacked by spooks not belonging to “our” recurring figures. But the statements Jon read which were recorded lately… didn’t deal with recurring figures either. Or are the tape recorders clicking on more or less weekly because, as Jon had put it in MAG123, they’re (independently from Jon) “hungry” too?

Alternative take (and, quite honestly, the one I’m digging the most): Jon Is Over-Exaggerating Again, You Stupid Idiotic Drama King. It’s just been five statements, but naaah, for Jon, it means that he’s been stuck with these old statements ~for so long~, because Jon Is Like That.

- Re: Jon Being Like That, another thing is that, during this scene:

(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: Not like there’s any shortage of places to lay low. BASIRA: Hm. London is what, 600 square miles? ARCHIVIST: 607. BASIRA: [SIGH] Whatever.

… there wasn’t any static. On the one hand, it could be that the tape recorders are not reacting as much as they used to when Jon knows random stuff, or Jon has been Knowing… a lot of information lately and his actual acquisition of this Knowledge happened before this. On the other hand: I think it’s safe to assume that Jonathan Smartass Sims is JUST LIKE THAT and already knew about London’s exact total area, learning it through regular means years ago. It just screams “stupid precise details that Jon would know”.

This is probably why people already wanted to punch you when you were in uni, Jon…

- Something that has been very regular all through this season: Jon Knowing (with a flourish of static) who is going to enter his office before they do.

(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: I just… What if they need me? What if. [SILENCE] [KNOCKING ON DOOR] [STATIC] ARCHIVIST: Oh. Come in, Melanie…! [DOOR OPENS]

I want to get cautious about that point, because thinking it over, I’m assuming that that is what is happening – Jon is talking, then we hear static, Jon stops and realises something, then invites whoever to “come in” – but technically, could it also be something else…? The tape recorders not reacting to Jon’s Knowing, but to another presence coming closer, every time?

(The idea that it’s a Knowing makes sense, but it’s been so regular, and… almost ritualistic? We got a scene like this every two Jon episodes. Why does Jon Know, every time, who is on the verge of entering his office, and almost every time when someone is close to his door (it wasn’t the case this episode, Melanie had the time to knock, and only then did Jon Know who it was)? Is it because he feels threatened by the outside world? Is it because he’s so connected with the Archives that he’s especially sensitive to when people are approaching? Is it because of his complicated relationship with doors – with his inner “door”, as described in MAG127, adding a few more issues because what’s behind is threatening to “drown” him?)

- When it comes to static… Since Basira asked about that moment, I’m thinking back about Jon’s call to Daisy in MAG153:

(MAG153) ARCHIVIST: This, well… The Corruption at work, if I had to guess, though with unsettling echoes of a… “Fleshliness”. I suppose– [STATIC RISING] … Wait… OH…! Uh… [CLEARS THROAT] [STATIC FADING] [BREATHES FASTER] [RUFFLING OF CLOTHES] [CHAIR SCRAPING] [DIALLING TONES] Yeah, uh, I think, hum, I think you should probably get down here–

(MAG155) BASIRA: Why did you call her, and not me? ARCHIVIST: Honestly, I panicked. Her name came up first on my phone.

And I wonder. It would be well-contained enough for Basira to ask Jon why he had called Daisy because she’s… a bit hurt, or at least realising that the fact that Jon’s instinct to call Daisy and not her meant a lot: that Daisy is a safe option, that Jon wants to rely on her, while Basira, because she kept snapping at Jon and didn’t show him any tenderness, wouldn’t be the person Jon would turn towards – and it would be enough to hurt Basira deeply when, indeed, she’s been cold and calculative since The Unknowing precisely because she wanted to be in control of the situation, and was dead-set on being the only reliable person around.

But… it’s true that when Jon made that call, there had been static right before. We know that there are influences at work: Beholding has been influencing Jon, Annabelle claimed to not “control” Jon but clearly showed that she could exert some influence, and we still don’t officially know what was the thing which made Martin stash tape recorders around the coffin to allow Jon to get out, but it was clear that it wasn’t only Martin’s idea. Could it be that Jon’s call to Daisy had been influenced, too…? And if so, why…? Because she was supposed to defend Jon? Because it was to tempt her to follow the call of The Hunt again, by putting her in contact with other predators…?

- Whether it had been a spooky influence or not… I’m now sad for Basira? Because it makes sense, on its own, that Jon wouldn’t have called her for help; but at the same time, Basira had been the “closest” to Jon all through season 4. She went to the hospital instead of Melanie, when Georgie called; she was the one who updated Jon on what had happened during his absence, then on Melanie’s condition when Melanie was free from the bullet but absolutely devastated. They went to Ny-Ålesund together and, although I was really fearing that Basira was planning to throw Jon under the bus there, when faced with an actual danger, it turned out that… Basira preferred to leave the Dark Sun alone rather than seeing Jon risk his life. Basira has made many mistakes this season, she tried to be the cold, emotionless, all-rational person who could get them all out alive. And she utterly failed: she cut herself off from Daisy for a while because Daisy was “dead weight” in her current state, and she damaged the friendly relationship she used to have with Jon.

- Jon haaaad a point when he threw in Basira’s face her hypocrisy re:Daisy’s past actions, because… we indeed knew she was a violent cop, and not only with spooks (Daisy hadn’t hidden it in MAG061); and although she was assuming that Daisy was “only killing monsters”:

(MAG091) DAISY: You been following me, Basira? BASIRA: Didn’t need to. I know what you do here. ARCHIVIST: [SHAKY BREATHING] DAISY: He tell you? BASIRA: He didn’t need to. You’re not that subtle. But I… I always thought you just killed monsters. ARCHVISIT: [HIGH-PITCHED CRY] DAISY: I do.

… it was still extra-judicial murders, committed by a member of the police. And Basira was fine with that. Basira, who was also disgusted when one of her colleagues’ death was rewritten to present him as a crooked cop (MAG075). Her sense of fairness/justice has always been very biased, Daisy Being Her Personal Bias, and it keeps showing in the way she still tries to defend Daisy’s actions as something Daisy wasn’t responsible for:

(MAG146) BASIRA: You’re a danger, Jon. A monster. You’re hurting innocent people. ARCHIVIST: So did Daisy…! BASIRA: Shut up! It’s not the same thing at all. DAISY: Basira… [EXHALE] He has a point. BASIRA: You didn’t know what you were doing! DAISY: [SIGH] BASIRA: And since you did, you’ve spent every waking hour resisting. He knows exactly what he’s doing.

(MAG155) BASIRA: And if she doesn’t, she might die. ARCHIVIST: Something you’re fine with in certain other cases. And something she’s made peace with. BASIRA: Because of the guilt she feels over the stuff The Hunt made her do…! It’s not her fault. ARCHIVIST: Earlier, when she was still out of it, I, uh… I “saw” some of the things she was talking about, some of the things she did, while she was police. I’m not convinced I disagree with her assessment. [PAUSE] Do you want me to tell you? BASIRA: No. No, I don’t. ARCHIVIST: … You knew, didn’t you? You knew the sort of things she did, and you let her. BASIRA: No, not exactly. I thought… [PAUSE] It’s not that simple. ARCHIVIST: It never is. But that doesn’t make it okay.

(Aouch, given how it is answering Jon’s protest from a few episodes:

(MAG148) ARCHIVIST: It’s not that simple…! BASIRA: No, it is. Or I put you down. [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: … That’s… I mean, that’s hardly… BASIRA: Daisy has been managing. ARCHIVIST: Daisy is… [PAUSE] [SIGH] Yeah. She’s managing.

Still, Jon, even if it’s to throw it in Basira’s face, that was a bit harsh for Daisy, although. Yeah. Fair. … ;; I wonder what he saw, exactly…)

Jon went through that phase a bit, too (because it felt better to think that Daisy wasn’t responsible nor to be held accountable for her past actions, since… it would have meant that he wasn’t either), and it’s really poignant how Daisy was able to stay firm with both of them (and Martin), repeating again and again that no, it was her doing:

(MAG132) DAISY: I hurt… a l–lot of people… and some who… who I shouldn’t have. Did you ever hear the, the story Elias told me? About what I did. How I am… He, he didn’t get a detail wrong. The Hunt… Hunger was in me all my life. Telling me who to chase, how to hurt them. I never needed to think… who I was outside of that. […] [PANTS] Y–you know what I thought wh–when I woke up here? I thought this was hell; I wa–, I was dead, and within hell. And I… eh, I–I knew I deserved it…

(MAG142) DAISY: [INHALE] I’m sorry, Martin. MARTIN: It’s alright. Wasn’t you. [INHALE] Not really. DAISY: No, it was. I hate… a lot of what I did back then; doesn’t mean I’m not… responsible for it, doesn’t mean it… wasn’t me.

(MAG153) ARCHIVIST: But it– … What if it kills you? DAISY: [CHORTLE] Always said I was dedicated to justice…! ARCHIVIST: Daisy! It’s not… You can’t think like that. DAISY: Jon. Do you have any idea how much damage you can do if you’re a police officer who wants to hurt people? How much the system will protect you? [SHARP INHALE FROM JON] I managed to keep most of it from Basira, but… ARCHIVIST: That wasn’t you, that was The Hunt! DAISY: … [SIGH] We were the same. [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: … You’d never known anything different. [SILENCE] DAISY: Because I never wanted to. All that time trapped was good for one thing: thinking. And I did a lot of it. I’ve made my choice.

(It’s also, hum. A bit sad for Jon, by comparison? Because Basira is dead set on defending Daisy, but Jon doesn’t have a “personal Basira” at the moment. Which is probably better, because he isn’t enabled or excused (I’m GLAD that Martin didn’t throw himself into Jon Apologism), but also, aouch, Jon sounds even more alone and isolated somehow.)

- They keep going back to the “people change”, “we (have) change(d)” but in itself, it. doesn’t mean a lot…? Are they improving, bettering themselves, learning from their mistakes? Are they worsening, spiralling, losing sight of other people’s feelings and well-being? In Daisy’s case, I feel like, indeed, she changed for a better version of herself, as she wanted (at least, she stopped doing harm, and she’s holding to it, and she’s tried to take care of Jon a bit, and to act as a bridge between Martin and the others…):

(MAG132) DAISY: But down here, where I… I can’t hear the… blood anymore, I d–, I don’t… I don’t know who I am without, without the chase… I just know… that I… I don’t like who I was back outside. I don’t want to be her again. I want… to be… better… […] I don’t want t–to be a s–sadistic predator again… I–I don’t want to… hobble around, like some pathetic, wounded prey either… I don’t know which would be worse. And I’m sc–scared, now, that I’ll never get the choice… ARCHIVIST: One thing I’ve learned, Daisy, is that we all get a choice. Even if it doesn’t feel like one.

Same for Melanie, who developed splendidly; … but meanwhile, Martin, Basira and Jon are… not exactly changing for the best so far? (;; It hurts especially with Jon, since I had really felt like he was changing for the better in season 3… And right now, uh. Except for the part where he’s sticking to trusting the others (… although not enough to tell them re: his victims, apparently), it feels like he’s undone a lot of his previous progress…)

- ANYWAY, YOU HAVE YOUR BIAS BASIRA, BUT BAD, BAD:

(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: How’s Daisy? [SILENCE] BASIRA: I don’t know. She’s recovered from your little… “confrontation”, but she’s still getting weaker. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] BASIRA: I’m worried she’s– ARCHIVIST: Yeah. […] BASIRA: I’m trying to convince her to go after them. To, er… “Hunt” them. ARCHIVIST: Why? BASIRA: Because I’m not going to lose her. ARCHIVIST: She goes Hunting again, you might anyway. BASIRA: And if she doesn’t, she might die.

Gooooods I feel so sorry for Daisy… The way she’s described, she felt to me like a wounded animal who has taken shelter in an isolated corner and is mostly waiting for death to snatch her up and release her…? And meanwhile, Basira is encouraging her to lose herself, to give up and give herself to The Hunt she absolutely wanted to quit… I do understand Basira’s position; she lived through “Daisy dying” once and she doesn’t want to experience that again… just like Martin regarding Jon:

(MAG129) ARCHIVIST: … What happened, Martin? [SILENCE] MARTIN: You died. ARCHIVIST: I came back. MARTIN: Yeah. [OPENS DOOR] I’m not gonna let it happen again. ARCHIVIST: … wait… Wait! W– [DOOR CLOSES] [SIGH]

(MAG133) ARCHIVIST: You’re not happy she is back. BASIRA: I didn’t say that, Jon. I would never abandon Daisy and, having her back is… [SIGH] But right now, she’s dead weight. And I need to be able to travel light.

… But still. Season 4’s mood is feeling so sad for Daisy…

There is also the fact that Melanie is leaving and… I’m so glad for Melanie!! It’s what she deserved!! (Although she didn’t deserve what she had to do to be able to quit.) But I’m sad for Daisy given how it had felt like Daisy&Melanie had grown a bit closer, this season, compared to uuuh, their indifferent/rocky start in season 3:

(MAG112) DAISY: Couldn’t find Tim, but he’s gone with Martin and… the other one. BASIRA: Melanie. DAISY: Sure.

(MAG136) MELANIE: Well… uhm. Daisy’s been, erm… I’ve been keeping her company. Er, while… while Basira’s busy. She’s, er… ARCHIVIST: Oh, no, I, uh… I–I know. MELANIE: W–well, I’ve kind of got to… uhm. I’ve got somewhere to be. Do you mind if, if… she hangs around, with… […] [IN THE DISTANCE] Hum, yeah, he’s, he’s fine with it. So… [RUFFLING OF CLOTHES] [BREATHES] DAISY: Alright?

(MAG142) MARTIN: … Are you alright? DAISY: Yeah. Just a… a bit empty around here. You know? MARTIN: Not really. DAISY: Melanie’s out, and… [EXHALE] Jon and Basira’re still off.

(MAG146) ARCHIVIST: … So we’re going with her. DAISY: [SIGH] Come on, Mel. I’ll see if I’ve got a stab vest in your size. MELANIE: … Yeah. Sure.

(MAG147) DAISY: Here, Mel. MELANIE: What even are these? […] [INHALE] Uh, and… and, please, don’t… call me “Mel”. DAISY: What? Since when? MELANIE: Always. I’m… [SIGH] trying to be more… o–open about this… stuff. DAISY: Roger Wilco, Miss King. MELANIE: Mm! Better.

(MAG151) MELANIE: … Look, I… didn’t come here for a fight. I… just wanted to let you know what was going on. If you need me, I’ll be trying to get Daisy drunk.

It feels like Daisy is losing another “anchor” with Melanie’s departure…?

- Meanwhile, REALLY, Basira sounds very Hunt-y this season, uh? She had been running after leads, she had already managed to find and corner Martin, and she’s still at it:

(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: Any luck? BASIRA: No. If they’re still around, they’re staying hidden. ARCHIVIST: Not like there’s any shortage of places to lay low. […] [INHALE] So, I guess we’ll want to look out for a pair of homeless serial killers now…! I’ll add it to the list. BASIRA: No sign of Annabelle either. ARCHIVIST: You’re still on that? BASIRA: You’re not? ARCHIVIST: … I–I mean, I don’t know how much she can predict or manipulate the future, but I think she’s proven she can at least avoid us finding her. BASIRA: Yeah, well. It makes me feel better. ARCHIVIST: I suppose that’s something.

I’m absolutely worried that she’s STILL TRYING TO FIND ANNABELLE… Because Elias had ~advised~ her to not get involved with The Web. And. Uh. Elias’s advice in the series tends to be a tiny bit prophetic.

(MAG037) MARTIN: Sorry… Look, Jon, I do think we should destroy the table, though. I mean, if it’s the one from Amy Patel’s statement. Just in case. ARCHIVIST: Elias told me the same thing. Luckily, he phrased it as advice rather than an instruction, so for now I’m more inclined to keep studying it. We’re not in the business of destroying knowledge.

(MAG117) ELIAS: Oh, and, Jon: technically, I can’t stop you, but I would heavily advise against bringing any… rogue… elements. MARTIN: You can just say Tim. ARCHIVIST: I will take it under advisement.

(MAG148) BASIRA: Or that we were being stalked by some freaky spider woman. Don’t tell me you didn’t know about that! ELIAS: Ah, uh, y–yes… W–well… To be honest, I’d… advise you to leave that one – well alone. BASIRA: Oh yeah? ELIAS: Uh! Look, look, look. I’ve… been doing this a long time now and, if there’s one thing I’ve learned about The Web, it’s that it plays its own game. All you can really do is… hope it doesn’t get in the way of whatever your plan is. Because the Spider usually wins…!

… I’m beginning to expect that if something ends up getting Basira… it will be because she went after Annabelle ORZ ORZ ORZ (And how ironic would it be, given how Basira so desperately tried to keep or regain some control this season…?)

- Okay, Melanie time: I’m so glad she’s jumping on that opportunity, that this season had been her time to find herself again and to take actions that would match her beliefs. She had already “abandoned” Beholding in a way, by refusing to serve it in any way (even seemingly harmless ones); now, she’s getting an actual way out without dying. There is an obvious heartbreaking disproportion between what it took for her to get trapped (just… accepting Elias’s job offer, signing a form) and what it takes for her to escape (gouging her eyes out and accepting to become blind), but I’m so glad she’s accepting it, that’s it’s not inflicted on her, that it’s her choice and that she has prepared herself to it.

(MAG155) MELANIE: No, Jon. I’m going to do it. [BREATH] I’m quitting. ARCHIVIST: Oh… [PAUSE] You’re… sure you’ve thought it through? I–I don’t know if we can look after you, you know? MELANIE: [BREATH] ARCHIVIST: A–afterwards. MELANIE: You don’t need to. I’ve…  I’ve made a few arrangements, and… [SHAKY INHALE] It’s going to be okay. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] MELANIE: Ho–honestly. I–I think it is. I, I can’t… be a part of this anymore, and if this is the price, then, I think I’m okay to pay it. [DEEP INHALE, EXHALE]

It really put the others’ decisions to stay into perspective, too: Basira seems to perceive blindness as a vulnerability that she can’t afford, Martin had sounded a bit like Gertrude (can’t do it now, always threats to take care of), Jon… is unclear (he did offer to Martin, Martin wasn’t convinced, and now Jon is not keen on going for it – is it because Martin was right? Or is it because, just like Basira for Daisy, Jon doesn’t want to leave without Martin):

(MAG154) ARCHIVIST: I–I–I don’t know, I–I mean, I suppose? I–i–if your vision comes back, the Beholding probably does as well…! P–probably. But it’s not like it’s easy to only… blind yourself temporarily anyway, uh, I… MARTIN: Y–y–yeah… yeah, uh… Ha–have you told the others, or…? ARCHIVIST: No, you–you’re the first. MARTIN: Why? ARCHIVIST: … Because… uh, because I–I trust you, I– I’m trying to think about what to do, and I… Well… if I did try this, I… I don’t want to do it alone. MARTIN: [EXHALE] ARCHIVIST: But we could leave here. You and me; escape. […] [SIGH] No. No, o–o–of course, this was… stupid, you have your own plans going on, don’t you? MARTIN: I just… Look, I need to see this thing through with Peter to the end. If–if what he’s saying is even half true, I need to be there. […] You know I can’t do it, not now; you don’t want to blind yourself; you don’t want to die; what you want… is a reason to not do those things. So… you come to me. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] MARTIN: Well… you’re welcome! B–because I can’t follow you on this one.

(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: Have you… thought any more about what I said? BASIRA: Yeah. I don’t think I can. Daisy wouldn’t come if I didn’t, and… I’m not leaving her behind. Besides, both of us being blind would be… [PAUSE] Anyway, being stuck here isn’t exactly her main problem right now. ARCHIVIST: No, I suppose not. BASIRA: And with those Hunters still out there– ARCHIVIST: No, I understand. Just wanted to make sure you… [INHALE] knew you had the choice. [EXHALE] […] I suppose I have a way out, now. One that… wouldn’t even kill me – at least, I hope not. And yet, here I am still… Am I a coward? I just… What if they need me? What if.

We’re lacking Daisy’s reasons – is it because she thinks that she’s dead meat anyway? Because she would like to be in shape to protect the others from Trevor&Julia until the end? Because she fears that The Hunt would find its way into her again if she were to cut herself off from Beholding? Is it because she wants to “see” Basira until the end…?

(MAG132) DAISY: Uh… Scared. I–I’m, I’m, I’m scared. I’ve been scared the whole time here. Not just when it’s, when it’s cr–crushing, when it f–fills your, y–your mouth with d–dirt… I–it knows when to stop, wh–when to ea–ease back, so you don’t… don’t lose it or, or grow numb… L–leaves you terrified for when it s–starts a–again and, wh–when it does, you, you’re s–scared that it’ll… n–never–never stop… I thought, thought I’d… I’d ne–never see the s–sky again, never… never s–see Basira…

Daisy is also a special case in her relationship to Beholding because, contrary to everyone else, she knew what she was signing for. She had decided it was worth it, to get rid of Jon in her nightmares (and regain some control over them), and because Basira&Jon were trapped in the Institute. I can understand that… it would probably feel a bit pointless to her to undo that at this point…

- I’m heartbroken over Melanie, too, but mostly for the PAIN she’ll inflict herself??? I’m really glad that she’s agreeing to becoming blind, but… the way she’s going about it…

(MAG155) MELANIE: [DEEP INHALE, EXHALE] Got, uh… Got one of those awls, from the book repair suppliers, up in the library? [BREATH] If it can punch through books, it can punch through, uh…! ARCHIVIST: [SOFT GROAN] MELANIE: Well, it… it should do the trick. No reason to try and make it too complicated.

It’s going to be painful, she’s going to do it herself, and she’ll have to take care of both eyes. She’ll be doing it TWICE. One time, suffering through it, and then ANOTHER.

It’s also emphasising how she managed to regain her agency this season: from getting the bullet removed by Jon&Basira, without her consent, while she was asleep, to free her from The Slaughter’s influence – to explaining to Jon that she will stab her own eyes, with an item she’s carefully chosen, on her own, to get free from Beholding. Even the choice of the awl feels like a bookend (ha): it’s coming from the library, which had been… her initial reason for coming time and time again to the Institute, when she wanted to research ghosts:

(MAG063) MELANIE: Alright, can you not be an arsehole about it? I just need access to your library. ARCHIVIST: So talk to Diana, she runs the place. MELANIE: Yes. I don’t exactly have the “academic credentials” you guys demand. So I apparently need someone to vouch for me. And you’re basically the closest thing I’ve got to a friend here. […] ARCHIVIST: I’ll have a word with Diana, see if I can get you into the library.

I also love how it feels like she’s finally proving Elias wrong a bit…? He had told her, when she was trying to kill him, that she wasn’t doing it for a greater good but for her own selfish reasons:

(MAG106) ELIAS: You already have doubts, though. You’ve been talking with Tim, and have convinced yourself that– MELANIE: [DRY LAUGHTER] ELIAS: –even if I’m telling the truth, I’m too dangerous to live. MELANIE: Well. ELIAS: Whatever I’m planning needs to be stopped! Even if it costs a few lives. Including your own. MELANIE: Well, that’s n–not even– ELIAS: A rationalisation, of course. A lie, about your own selfishness, that you would rather be dead than trapped without the self-determination you prize so highly. I wish I knew the words to convince you it’s for the best.

And yes, there is still some of it, some of her pride, in her current choice. But back then, Elias had given the impression that her feelings were making her centre on herself; right now, I feel like her feelings and her willingness to denounce what she sees as wrong and horrible make her “expand”, make her inspirational and admirable? Melanie was a stark contrast with this week’s statement-giver…

- It’s also very fitting, for Melanie, of all people, to give up her sight to escape…? She used to be a Spooky Podcast Youtuber. She witnessed her first actual spooks through the lens of a camera. She noticed that Not!Sasha was different through her physical appearance. The first statement she read was about The Dark and someone believing that hiding from the creature’s sight would provide him safety. Elias had threatened to engrave the sight of her father’s death into her mind. She was the one to find Gertrude’s eyeless dolls in the storage unit.

(MAG028) MELANIE: I reached the door and, using the camera, I peered inside. […] In the camera’s small viewscreen I couldn’t see what was there, what was underneath, but it was dark and shiny. I will never forget the sound of the skin coming away from her arm. […] ARCHIVIST: You say you recorded video of the event? MELANIE: Yeah, I’ve given your guys a copy, but watching it back the recording is so distorted that you can’t really make anything out.

(MAG076) MELANIE: Sure. Where’s Sasha, by the way? I wanted to say goodbye. ARCHIVIST: I’m sorry? MELANIE: Sasha. Your assistant. I haven’t seen her in a while. You didn’t fire her, did you? […] You know who I mean. Tall, long hair, glasses… She was here when I first came in. Back last April? We had a long conversation about haunted pubs. ARCHIVIST: No, I… I remember. But that is Sasha.

(MAG106) ELIAS: I’m afraid that’s not really something I can do. I can promise not to make it worse, though. MELANIE: What…? No…! ELIAS: You know how your father really died, and I am sure that is unimaginably painful for you, but be aware, if I choose to, I can make you see it. [TAPE RECORDER HISSING AGAIN] MELANIE: No… no… ELIAS: If you try to interfere with me again, in any way, I will drive that image so deep into your psyche. But even if you are right, even if you live, it will be there every time you close your eyes. MELANIE: No… no…

(MAG113) ARCHIVIST: Found anything yet? MARTIN: Er… er… Bunch of… eyeless paintings? MELANIE: [JOVIALLY] Snap! Eyeless dolls. Oh, and. Just a lot of shredded newspapers.

I really hope that her “arrangements” mean that she’ll stay at Georgie’s and get all The Admiral’s cuddles, aaaaah…

- I was already feeling like Melanie was giving her goodbyes in MAG150, and it’s now even more definitive… And a bit like Tim’s last words to Jon?

(MAG119) ARCHIVIST: Tim!! [STATIC] What do you see? TIM: I see my asshole boss! W– wait… wait… […] ARCHIVIST: Tim! [STATIC] What’s in your hand? TIM: It’s… I don’t… the– the– … the detonator… […] Jon, I don’t know if you can hear me, but if you can… ARCHIVIST: [FAINTLY AND FAR] Tim…? TIM: I don’t forgive you. But thank you for this.

(MAG155) MELANIE: [INHALE] Thanks for… telling me, by the way. [INHALE] I–it didn’t look like it was easy for you. […] … I, I won’t… be around, after this, but I’ll–I’ll leave details, in case you need to get in touch… [INHALE] Hum… but… ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] … I understand. […] We’ll… miss you. MELANIE: Wish I could say the same…! ARCHIVIST: … Yeah. [INHALE] Do you… need any, uh… help?

Grateful for something right that Jon did (giving them a choice, the artefact/information they could work with to make that choice), while still pointing out that no, staying around hadn’t been a great time.

EL-O-EL about that bit:

(MAG154) MELANIE: It’s, it’s the rest of you I’m worried about. ARCHIVIST: [SCOFF] We’ll be fine. Always have been. MELANIE: Not always. ARCHIVIST: No… I guess not.

Jon, You’ve Never Ever Been Fine since you began working in the Archives.

- I’m So Glad About That Last Dig At Elias, he deserved it.

(MAG155) MELANIE: I’ve left a proper resignation letter, on Lukas’s desk. It was quite satisfying to write, actually. Almost made me wish it was Elias! ARCHIVIST: [CHUCKLING] MELANIE: He would have hated me not serving out my two weeks-notice, huh! Not sure… Lukas even knows who I am…! … Probably for the best.

(!! About the fact that Jon, too, was cracking up a bit.)

And at the same time, wow: Elias has been away for more than a year, Melanie only got him as a boss for less than six months… and he’s still marked her so deeply that she spontaneously thought about what would upset him. Understandable given that, unlike Peter, yeah, Elias had been the one to trap her, traumatised her and was the overall cause of an added bunch of miseries, but still, aouch that he scarred her so deeply ;;

Also, Oh No, Melanie, Peter does know your name ;;

(MAG120) MARTIN: So what now? PETER: Well, if you could send Melanie and Basira up to see me, I’d like to introduce myself.

I’m not expecting Peter to do… anything about Melanie leaving, honestly, since he already told Martin he wouldn’t intervene for stuff the Archival staff decided on their own. But he knows her name, that’s probably never good. (… It also means that, even if Jon has had access to MAG120’s tape (which we still don’t know), he didn’t share that one with the class.)

- Things I’m Worried About:

* Peter will certainly not read Melanie’s letter, but Martin, however… And how will he take it? Panicking because he’d feel that Jon was a bit more serious about that idea than he had assumed? There is also the fact that he sold himself to Peter to protect the others, so Basira and Melanie at the time – and now, turns out that Melanie… is leaving. Just like that. Martin doesn’t want to stop The Extinction for Peter or because he’s indebted, quite clearly; but still, there is something very bittersweet in the fact that Martin went through isolation, cut his ties with the others because he wanted them to be safe… and didn’t get anything in return. Peter never lifted a finger to protect them and, now, turns out that Melanie can and wants to leave. It feels like Martin’s early sacrifices were already for nothing…

* Will Melanie’s dreams come back, if she’s not under Beholding’s ~protection~ anymore? (If she’s able to “see” him, will she notice something different in the Jon from the dreams…? How bad are the nightmares, nowadays? Had Jon gone from watching passively to enjoying them…?)

* Jon was hypothesising that Beholding might not want “to lose anyone” and I’m fearing Elias’s reactions a bit?? Will Melanie cutting her ties hurt Elias? Will it hurt Jon? (I also would be interested to hear about Melanie visiting Elias one last time, for the Satisfaction and the parallel with Rayner visiting Robert Montauk in prison?).

* I don’t think this is the last we’re hearing from Melanie, because she wouldn’t be written off like that (especially given how the medium is sound-based). But I have trouble picturing how we could still hear her in happy circumstances. Would she visit the others? Would the others go visit her…?

* Squintsquintsquint that we still don’t know if Melanie’s therapist is an absolutely normal therapist, or a spook. I think that in any case, Melanie was given actual therapy which allowed her to think about herself and what she wanted to do (I don’t think that the bottom line would be that she was ~manipulated into thinking that it was acceptable to stab her eyes~: it would be too iffy, I really believe it was her own choice coming from her actual feelings), but it doesn’t mean that the therapist has to be absolutely harmless and inoffensive on her own.

* …………………….. how come that Melanie was able to say “I’m quitting” and to write her resignation letter………………..

(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: But I understand it’s a big thing. We’ll keep looking. Maybe there’s a–another way we c– MELANIE: No, Jon. I’m going to do it. [BREATH] I’m quitting. ARCHIVIST: Oh… [PAUSE] You’re… sure you’ve thought it through? I–I don’t know if we can look after you, you know? […] MELANIE: I’ve left a proper resignation letter, on Lukas’s desk. It was quite satisfying to write, actually.

We know through Martin and Tim that “something” was preventing them from doing it:

(MAG039) ARCHIVIST: No… We’re clearly doing a whole heart-to-heart thing and, truth be told, the question’s been bothering me. You’ve been living in the Archives for four months, constant threat of… this. Sleeping with a fire extinguisher and a corkscrew. Even you must be aware that that’s not normal for an archiving job? Why are you still here? MARTIN: Don’t really know. I just am. It didn’t feel right to just leave. I’ve typed up a few resignation letters, but I just couldn’t bring myself to hand them in. I’m trapped here. It’s like I can’t… move on and the more I struggle, the more I’m stuck. […] It’s just that whatever web these statements have caught you in, well, I’m there too. We all are, I think. [SIGH]

(MAG065) TIM: You’re firing me? ARCHIVIST: … I’m offering you a chance to quit. No notice period, I’ll even make sure you get the rest of the month’s paycheck. [PAUSE] Just say the words. [STATIC RISES] TIM: I want to. ARCHIVIST: So do it. TIM: I… … can’t. ARCHIVIST: [SOFTLY] Why not…? TIM: I… I… I–I can’t! I don’t know… Why can’t I quit?! ARCHIVIST: I–I don’t know. But I don’t think I can fire you either.

So how come Melanie was able to do it even before cutting ties? It is because she was emotionally straining herself away from Beholding already? Is it because Jon has been subconsciously keeping the assistants prisoners, and already knew (and had accepted) that Melanie didn’t want to feed Beholding? Is it because Elias did something, or because he’s not there? Is it because of Peter’s influence diminishing Beholding’s on the Institute…?

- Aaaah… the way Lydia plays Melanie is so… I don’t know how to describe it, but hearing Melanie, I’m often… almost discomforted. There is something grating, unstable, but in a good way – as if talking is painful for Melanie, words rasping against her throat? The uneasiness, the fear, the anxiety, the pain are just slipping through so efficiently? I could only hear the pain in the way Melanie talked about what she was going to do… (The way she simply breathes, too: her inhalation/expiration feel very heavy usually; and in this episode, we could also hear her trying to smooth them up, to calm down a bit?)

- … Okay, so, Melanie is planning to do it now, in the next five minutes, and I’m extremely grateful that we’re not hearing that on-tape:

(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: … Yeah. [INHALE] Do you… need any, uh… help? MELANIE: [INHALE] No. I’ve got this. [BREATH] But if you, hum… if you could… [INHALE] In five minutes… ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] MELANIE: I would appreciate it if you could call me an ambulance. ARCHIVIST: [SHAKY INHALE] … Right.

… but also extremely surprised that the tape recorder, that nosy thing, hasn’t just followed her and popped up in the room when she’d be doing it, in order to gleefully witness her agony. They did it with Jon when he tried to cut his fingers; why doesn’t it want to listen to Melanie’s suffering, to record someone cutting ties with an Outer God…?

- In advance: poor hospital nurses who will have to fetch Melanie. They’re probably used to it (even unspookily), but I do hope that it won’t lead to more people signing their equivalent of Section 31. Though, if it’s like with the police, things happening within the Magnus Institute are automatically labelled as spook-cases, so they could send staff already in the know…

I really doubt that there’ll be any investigation due to an employee gouging her eyes out in her own workplace, since it’s the Institute, but… I do hope there is none. Section 31 officers used to be searching for Daisy, back in season 3, and Elias had pointed out they wouldn’t hesitate to go for the kill in MAG092. If Melanie’s self-mutilation gives them an opportunity to go back to the Institute, it could go even worse so quickly for the remaining assistants…

- I think I was in the minority who had found the beginning of season 4… not exactly “hopeful” but still leaving place for hope, for an ascending curve. Technically, although the first few episodes were exposing to us (through Jon) how things had become hard and precarious during Jon’s coma (Tim dead, Daisy “dead”, Martin absent and working with Peter, Melanie overtaken by her fury, Basira closed off and distrustful), it was quickly followed by Jon improving the situation, getting the assistants back: removing Melanie’s bullet (MAG125), leading to Melanie being able again to define herself not solely through her anger (MAG131) and seeking therapy to try to get better (MAG136); managing to find Daisy in the coffin and to get her out (MAG132), leading to Daisy staying firm on her rejection of the call of The Hunt (MAG140, MAG142), to the point that she would rather die than follow her “blood” again (MAG153, MAG155). To a certain extent, Jon had also managed to score a few points with Basira, enough for her to open up about her research and her plans regarding Ny-Ålesund (MAG140), bringing Jon with her and not planning to sacrifice him nor being keen on the idea of Jon sacrificing himself (MAG143); same with Martin, in a way – their first exchange (MAG124) was a disaster, but Jon was able to tell him “I miss you” during the second one (MAG129), and as audience, we had heard Martin (MAG126, MAG134, MAG138) and we knew that Jon and the assistants still mattered to him much more than he let on when trying to avoid Jon. Even the reveal of Helen’s occasional presence in the tunnels sounded, at first, like potential good news – The Distortion had helped against Jared’s attack, protecting the assistants, and was keen on helping Jon.

The second half has been souring most of the small victories: first by revealing that, all through this, Jon had actually been attacking people, re-traumatising five persons and trapping them in Beholding’s grasp (MAG142 making it very clear that it’s really, reaaally not “just a few bad dreams”). The Distortion, too, wasn’t actually that benign: Helen had been consuming a few persons, including someone that Jon’s team had been able to contact back in season 1. Daisy’s withdrawal from The Hunt is literally killing her. Basira has been confronted multiple times about her hypocrisy and isn’t improving in that regard. Martin has actually grown “comfortable” with his isolation and he’s both going for a self-sacrifice and unable to communicate with others without it turning dry, snappy and hurtful – Jon included (MAG154).

On the other hand, although it will be with a cost and not without pain, Melanie might be managing to get out for real, which, yay!! … But it also really feels like she is actually jumping off the boat right before it begins to sink…?

(I’m getting a bit of a The Fall of the House of Usher vibe, lately, feeling like things are slowly dissolving and crumbling…? Characters are in standby, waiting; it doesn’t sound like Jon and Daisy can carry on like this for very long, Martin is not planning to come back, Basira is still running into danger. I have no idea what is supposed to happen, what could be the driving forces in the season finale (we know that Annabelle has her own agenda and is keeping a close eye on the Archives, interfering when Jon went astray; Julia&Trevor are back as threats; we can guess that Peter might have a hidden agenda; Elias has proven that he could still be damaging and get what he wanted from afar; there is still the matter of Dekker’s whereabouts; there are still suspicions about Melanie’s therapist…) but, the closer we get to the end of the season, the more trouble I have picturing that season 5 could still take place within the Institute? I don’t know, especially given that the tunnels and the remnants of the old Millbank prison have their importance, I’m not sure that the building in itself will still be standing by the end of the season…? How could Jon, Basira and Daisy keep “living” at the Institute in the same state as now, still fading/dying, once Martin&Peter have made their move…?)

My first instinct for MAG156’s title is Gundam Wing Endless Waltz Gundam Wing Endless Waltz Gundam Wing Endless Waltz “Beholding” again? (The word or variations of it popped up in a lot of Eye statement, and I’m especially thinking about MAG060 and Christopher Meyer’s mirror; it was also used metaphorically by Smirke to describe his relationship to Jonah Magnus.) Or Spiral, especially The Distortion’s corridors? Or Stranger? Or a last Extinction statement before the end of the season…? (Basically: a Coraline episode.) Or Peter Lukas talking alone for 20min? Or Elias monologuing?

When it comes to Archives Drama, I’m expecting introspection again, and/or more pseudo-philosophising from Jon, and/or something about Daisy and Jon… But I’m also thinking about “basically another MAG117 – Testament”, so ;; Could be Martin’s last thoughts before going for it…?

[words-writ-in-starlight]

some s2 Magnus Archives comments

(and also a liiiiiittle bit of s3 because I had some insomnia last night so obviously I...listened to...this horror podcast full of creeping nightmare content)

JON!!!  Oh my dude I’m pretty sure you’re...inexorably part of the Archives now!  Like, you can run but you can’t hide from the elder god watching your every move, presumably determined to absorb you into itself as its latest earthly puppet/avatar/pawn/what have you.  I am EQUALLY sure that if Jon tried to stop recording statements at this point he would like...lose his mind.  He’s been injecting Elder God Juice directly into his spinal cord like some kind of supernatural epidural for too long, and now if he stops he’ll hit the worst withdrawal in the world.  Enjoy those eldritch DT’s, Jon.

If this isn’t true please do not tell me, I love this concept and I will write an AU for it if it’s not true.  I feel like the first s3 episode of him being sent a statement supports this, though, and also did he steal the Institute tape recorder or just buy his own?  The Institute had two, so it’s possible Jon took his and they’re using the other one.  I like that answer for comedy value, although it would beg the question of what happened to the tape.  Probably Jon abandoned the Institute recorder, along with the tape (which Elias then Happened To, one assumes), and then went out and bought his own, which I feel only strengthens my stance that Jon is paranormally addicted to taking statements.

The Eye is about Knowing Stuff, right?  I feel like that would scan.

Also, Jon, Jonathan, my dear Archivist, my best beloved paranoid moron, this is why we tell people things.  This whole thing could have been So Different if he had eliminated suspects and then told those eliminated suspects things, although on the other hand NotSasha took a while to make the suspect list at all because Jon is a brilliant, brilliant idiot, so then again maybe not.

ELIAS!!!  Oh my god I called this, I knew he was guilty of like...Everything.  He’s too nice!  He’s too good a boss!  I have had some good bosses, I’ve even had good bosses in academia, but literally no academic is that calm about everything!  CLEARLY A MURDERER.  I also listened to the episode in s3 where he threatens Daisy and I love him, reader, I love him, he’s a monster and a murderer and I want Daisy to get the chance to kill him because it would make her happy, but I love him.  Holy SHIT I love the trope of “Monster is very possessive and protective of its things, including the people who serve it” and I am super pumped to see Elias continue in that vein.  

Also eventually my dream outcome here would be Elias and Jon being directly at odds, in some way that would mean the Eye would have to choose, because the many complex flavors of fucked up interpersonal dynamic there... *chef kiss*  Perfect.  If you “win,” then great!  The nightmare monster of fear and eyes likes you best!  What the fuck does that say?  If you “lose,” well, you’ll probably be dead, so you won’t have long to feel betrayed or vindicated in your humanity or horrified to learn that you’re the replaceable piece of the machine.  But those couple of seconds sure would suck.

MARTIN AND TIM!!!  Hey listen, I would do absolutely anything for Martin Blackwood, literally anything under the sun, he’s so good and I love him so much, he deserves a different story than this clusterfuck.  On the other hand, I’m pretty sure he’s much more vitally important to this team than anyone (certainly Tim or Jon) is necessarily prepared to admit, because, hey, folks?  If Martin actually succeeded in leaving the Institute I’m absolutely positive that your currently precarious team would melt down in under a day.  I love it so much when Martin loses his temper, it’s like a kitten biting someone.  I will admit to wholly enjoying the bit where Martin ripped into Tim for his behavior, which brings me to Tim.  Tim, my dude, you may believe that Jon is a murderer, you may even be genuinely furious that he accidentally trapped you in the Archives, but you still risked your life without a second thought to go after him in those tunnels, and I love you for being such a fucking trainwreck.

DAISY AND MELANIE!!!  Hey!  Remember a day or two ago when I was like “Melanie is so radical I want her and Jon to be grouchy best friends”?  HEY!!!  I love Melanie, I love that every time she and Jon have a conversation that should by all rights be totally civil they end up shouting at each other, I love that she keeps coming back to talk to him even though she thinks he’s a dick, I love that they’re suddenly on perfectly identical wavelengths as soon as Jon starts speculating about ghosts and research.  (I bet Martin “Forged CV” Blackwood is furious that she just walked in and got offered a job, no bullshit Master’s required.)  I am so thrilled that she’s Jon’s contact, this whole situation was created to be a gift for me specifically.

Also, Daisyyyyyy.  Another monster I love.  I don’t know that much about her except that one episode with Elias but I love her.  She murders people and still clearly thinks she’s in the right and I love her for being a mystery and a monster and still clearly loving Basira so very much.  Speaking of which, Basira, I’m so sorry that you’re...probably not going to get out of this situation.  I am pretty sure you are going to end up back at the Institute pretty darn quick no matter how much you quit being a cop, this is your life now.  As long as you keep Daisy pointed in the right direction, you might even survive it.

GEORGIE!!!  I have heard two (2) episodes with this woman and I love her an unreasonable amount.  I can’t believe Jon “Local Disaster” Sims dated her.  I can’t believe he literally never mentioned this to Melanie.  I can’t believe she went out with a dumb jock mountain climber just so someone else would buy her Hungarian food.  We stan a legend.

[atlasfms]

                            𝐚𝐧  𝐮𝐩𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞  𝐯𝐢𝐚    𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒎   .

                                                           user  :  @atlasdeniro  .                                     date    &    time  :  06 / 25 / 2019  ,  06 : 31  AM  .                                                             post  type  :  photo  .                                     stats  :  2,431,768  likes  ,  201,349  comments  .

        𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬    :    mentions  of  death  ,  abuse  ,  suicide  ,  drugs  ,  alcohol    &    grief  .

           𝒊𝒇    𝒉𝒆’𝒔    𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈    𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒚    honest  ,  atlas  isn’t  sure  why  he  found  himself  here  .  perhaps  his  grief  had  gotten  to  the  point  where  he  had  subconsciously  dragged  himself  here  in  a  half  drunk  state  ,  having  started  drinking  early    &    not  really  stopping  until  he  knew  he  was  where  he  wanted  to  go  .  it’s  strange  ,  really  ,  how  your  drunk  mind  takes  you  to  a  place  you  would  never  dare  go  sober  ,    &    as  a  slightly  cool  breeze  blows  through  the  blossoming  trees  ,  he  feels  a  chill  go  up  his  spine  .

          of  course  ,  this  could  also  be  due to  the  fact  that  he’s  currently  in  a  graveyard  ,  but  the  amount  of  alcohol  running  through  his  system  has  relieved  any  sort  of  apprehension  he  might’ve  previously  had  about  the  cold  .  frankly  ,  he  doesn’t  really  care  about  the  cold  .  he  feels  numb  to  it  just  like  he  feels  numb  to  everything  else  today    ;    every  sense  of  motion  ,  every  emotion  from  anger  to  love  to  hatred  is  lost  in  this  bone  aching  ,  nerve  tingling  feeling  of  heart  breaking  grief  that  he’s  been  avoiding  feeling  .

          perhaps  it’s  his  own  fault  .  he  was  told  to  go  to  the  funeral    ;    told  that  it  would  make  him  feel  better  .  but  he  couldn’t  go  .  he  couldn’t  do  it  .  atlas  simply  couldn’t  face  the  fact  that  his  best  friend  was  dead  .  he  spent  months  not  talking  ,  barely  eating  ,  drinking  ,  or  sleeping  .  so  much  so  that  he  was  beginning  to  look  like  a  different  person  .  but  suddenly  something  changed    &   he  woke  up  ,  as  if  an  alarm  he’d  been  hitting  the  snooze  button  on  for  three  long  months  had  eventually  been  left  to  go  off    &    he  was  awake  again  .

          now  ,  he  doesn’t  feel  like  that  .  the  ache  in  his  chest  feels  a  lot  worse   ;    the  thoughts  clogging  his  brain  so  much  darker  than  what  they  had  ever  been  .  he  tells  himself  it’s  something  to  do  with  the  weather  ,  but  he  knows  that’s  the  sorry  excuse  poor  people  use  when  they  try  to  pull  out  of  work  for  the  day  .  but  slowly  ,  he’s  been  feeling  more  withdrawn  ,    &    as  the  days  have  neared  closer  to  this  one  he’s  become  more    &    more  animated  ,  acting  more  out  of  impulse  than  anything  else    &    trudging  through  the  days  in  almost  a  robotic  way  .  if  anything  ,  the  half - empty  bottle  in  his  hand  serves  as  a  comfort  blanket  .

          the  bronze  liquid  swishes  unceremoniously  in  the  clear  bottle  as  he  perches  himself  on  the  headstone  in  front  of  the  one  he’s  been  searching  for  .  it  took  him  longer  to  find  it  than  it  should’ve  done  ,  but  since  he  wasn’t  here  for  the  burial  he  figures  all  the  zigzagging  between  graves  is  payback  for  feeling  too  weak  to  face  saying  a  proper  goodbye  to  one  of  the  best  people  he  ever  knew  .  he  figures  that’s  where  the  problem  lies  .  atlas  never  got  to  say  goodbye  ,    &    four  years  later  ,  he’s  scared  it’s  too  late  as  he  reads  the  writing  on  the  headstone  he’s  been  staring  at  for  the  past  five  minutes  .

                                                      here  lies  jason  rhodes  .                                      february  20th   ,  1997  —  june  25th  ,  2015  .                                              beloved  son  ,  friend    &    student  .                                                               now  at  peace  .

           he  feels  like  scoffing  .  actually  ,  he’s  pretty  sure  he  does  scoff  to  fill  the  silence  of  the  graveyard  ,  but  he  just  doesn’t  acknowledge  it  .  in  all  of  these  four  years  ,  he’s  never  been  able  to  find  the  strength  to  come  here  .  it’s  like  every  bone  in  his  body  rejected  the  idea  of  coming  to  visit  until  this  day  .  maybe  somewhere  he  thought  it’d  be  the  right  time  ,  but  now  he’s  here  ,  he’s  not  sure  if  there  would  ever  be  a  right  time  .  he  doesn’t  even  know  what  to  say  .

          atlas  rolls  his  eyes  .    get  a  grip    .    ❛    fuck  .  shit  ,  sorry  .  disrespecting  the  dead  ,    ❜    he  says  ,  realising  that  he’s  sitting  on  a  headstone  which  is  ,  in  fact  ,  disrespectful  ,  but  he  doesn’t  move  .    ❛    i  really  hope  you  can  hear  me  ,  jace  ,    ❜    he  utters  quietly  ,  as  if  his  best  friend  is  sat  right  next  to  him    &    only  he  can  hear  his  voice  .  maybe  he  can  ,  but  atlas  isn’t  sure  .  all  he  knows  is  that  he  feels  like  he’s  speaking  to  an  empty  space  .    ❛    i  hope  you  can  hear  me  because  i’m  so  mad  at  you  ,  jace  ,  i  really  am  .    ❜

           he  pauses  ,  taking  a  swig  from  his  bottle  ,  gulping  it  down  with  the  lump  in  his  throat  .    ❛    why  didn’t  you  tell  me  what  he  was  doing  to  you    ?    ❜    the  question  hangs  in  the  air  as  the  voice  of  detective  bryant  replays  in  his  head  .    his  father  was  abusive    .    ❛    if  you  told  me  ,  i  could’ve  gotten  you  out  of  there  .  i  would’ve  helped  you  .  i  could’ve        ❜    he  looks  up  at  the  sky  ,  the  sun  starting  to  break  through  the  early  morning  clouds  as  it  rises  .    ❛    maybe  then  you  wouldn’t  be          ❜    he  can’t  bring  himself  to  finish  the  sentence  ,  as  if  saying  it  would  make  it  true  .  even  though  it’s  been  true  for  four  years  now  .  he  looks  back  at  the  black  granite  headstone  ,  looking  at  the  date  .    ❛    maybe  then  you  wouldn’t  be  dead  .    ❜

           as  soon  as  the  words  leave  his  lips  there’s  a  lingering  silence  ,  as  if  he  didn’t  really  believe  them  until  now  .   ❛    it’s  funny  ,  before  now  i  guess  i  convinced  myself  that  you  weren’t  really  ...  gone  .  that  you  were  just  taking  a  long  vacation  .  because  the  thought  of  not  seeing  my  best  friend  again  is  just          ❜    he  can’t  bring  himself  to  finish  that  sentence  ,  not  wanting  to  say  out  loud  what  he’s  been  afraid  to  face  .    ❛    you  were  the  only  one  that  understood  .  the  only  one  who  knew  what  it  was  like    &    then  i  learn  that  you  did  this  on  purpose  ...    ❜    all  he  wanted  was  for  it  to  end    .  the  words  echo  in  his  brain  like  the  questioning  was  yesterday  .    ❛   i’m  so  fucking  pissed  at  you  jace  ,  because  you  were  my  fucking  brother  ,    &    then  you  were  gone  without  even  saying  goodbye    ?    ❜

           he  feels  water  start  to  pool  in  the  rims  of  his  eyes    &    has  to  inhale  to  clear  them  .    ❛    god  ,  i  remember  the  day  that  we  met  .  i  was  with  eden    &    i  think  you  were  dating  ...  melanie  ,  was  that  her  name   ?    i  can’t  remember  .  i  guess  now’s  a  good  time  to  tell  you  that  it  was  me  who  fucked  her  at  danny’s  eighteenth  birthday  party  ,    &    that  it  actually  wasn’t  connor  ,    ❜    he  admits  casually  ,  bringing  the  bottle  to  his  lips  again  .   ❛    sorry  .    ❜   he  takes  another  mouthful   &    swallows  it  down  ,  holding  the  bottle  out  in  front  of  his  face  before  letting  it  down  again  .  he  was  told  this  would  happen    ;   the  first  day  of  those  dreadful  three  months  ,  his  father  told  him  that  if  he  didn’t  let  himself  grieve  ,  it’ll  catch  up  to  him  .  now  it  finally  has  .

          ❛    i  remember  the  first  party  i  took  you  to  ,  actually  .  you  looked  at  that  joint  in  my  hand  like  you’d  never  seen  drugs  before  .  god  ,  the  look  on  your  face  ,    ❜    his  voice  is  wavering  now  ,  slightly shaky  .  his  chest  feels  heavy    &   he  hates  that  feeling  .   ❛    i  was  so  fucking  naive  .  i  literally  thought  you  were  so  damn  clean  ,  that  you’d  never  touched  any  drugs   &    that  it  was  my  fault  you  got  caught  up  in  it  .  that  it  was  because  of  me  that  you  died  that  night  .    &    the  worst  thing  is  i  felt  like  i  deserved  the  blame  ,  because  i  genuinely  thought  i  dragged  you  into  this  world  that  i  was  stuck  in    &    you  fucking  let  me    .    ❜

          he  shakes  his  head  .    ❛    sorry  .  everything’s  kind  of  fucked  up  right  now  .  i’m  not  really  mad  at  you  .  hell  ,  you  probably  can’t  even  fucking  hear  me  .  i’m  literally  just  talking  to  myself  in  a  graveyard  .  how  much  more  depressing  can  my  life  get    ?    ❜    atlas  laughs  a  sardonic  laugh  .  maybe  he  just  came  here  to  say  the  things  he  didn’t  want  to  say  before  ,  because  now  he’s  realised  how  much  everything  is  falling  apart  .    ❛   dad  had  this  stupid  idea  that  we  should  have  our  own  tv  show  .  it’ll  premiere  soon  ,  i’m  not  sure  when  ,  but  i  feel  like  i  can’t  even  breathe  anymore  .  remember  when  i  told  you  my  life  couldn’t  be  anymore  public    ?    well  ,  i  was  wrong  .   ❜

          ❛    i  just  feel  like  everyone’s  going  through  shit  right  now  ,    &    my  biggest  problem  is  that  i  can’t  get  over  the  fact  that  my  best  friend  died  four  years  ago  .  how  is  that  fair  on  everyone  else    ?    ❜    he  sucks  in  a  breath  .  he  doesn’t  want  to  burden  anyone  by  telling  them  what’s  really  going  on  .  he  doesn’t  want  them  to  know  why  he  was  really  gone  for  over  a  month  ,  when  work  only  took  a  week  out  of  it  .  instead  he’s  unloading  his  problems  to  a  graveyard  full  of  forgotten  corpses  .  how  much  more  morbid  can  he  get    ?

          ❛    i  keep  seeing  you  ,    ❜    his  words  are  quiet  when  they  leave  his  lips  ,  but  in  the  silence  they  sound  loud  .   ❛   whenever  i  close  my  eyes  ,  i  see  how  you  looked  that  night    &    i  can’t  erase  it  .  i  can’t  .  i’ve  tried  .  i’m  sorry  .   ❜    the  sun  has  almost  completely  risen  ,  making  his  red - rimmed  gaze  look  almost  luminous  .  birds  are  starting  to  chirp  somewhere  in  the  distance    &    he’s  reminded  that  there  is  life  out  there  ,  after  all  .    ❛   the  doctor  said  i’d  experience  trauma  ,  but  i  didn’t  think  it’d  take  this  long  .  i  didn’t  think  it  would  be  like  this  .    ❜

          he  takes  another  long  drink  from  his  bottle  .  it’s  getting  close  to  being  empty  now  ,  the  bronze  dimming  to  a  dark  golden  colour  .  this  is  the  worst  day  of  the  worst  time  of  year  ,    &   he  tells  himself  that  all  he  needs  to  do  is  get  through  today  ,    &    he’ll  be  fine  .  everything  will  go  back  to  normal  tomorrow  .    ❛    i  should  probably  go  .  your  mom  normally  comes  out  here  early    &    spends  the  day  crying  over  your  grave  .  i  hope  you  know  that  .    ❜

          standing  ,  he  pulls  out  the  lid  for  his  bottle    &    caps  it  ,  stumbling  over  to  his  best  friend’s  headstone   &    placing  the  bottle  next  to  it  ,  resting  a  hand  gently  on  the  top  .  he  stays  there  for  a  little  while  ,  just  looking  down  ,  his  chest  aching  worse  than  before  .  atlas  knows  grief   ;   he’s  lost  people  before  .  but  this  is  different  .  hearing  you’ve  lost  someone  you  love  hurts  like  hell  .  but  watching  it  happen  ,  seeing  the  life  drain  out  of  them   &   knowing  you  can’t  do  a  damn  thing  about  it  is  a  whole  different  kind  of  grief  ,    &    he  knows  that  now  .   ❛   cheers  ,  buddy  .  sleep  well  ,    ❜    is  the  last  thing  he  says  ,  staggering  off  to  find  the  path  that  will  lead  him  back  to  reality  ,  knowing  he’ll  need  something  more  than  alcohol  to  get  him  through  today  .

[xoidua]

FIFTY SHADES OF A COLOR*

*I have just noticed maybe Margaret Mitchell used homophony and meronymy to name the two characters with clear purpose: Scarlett and Rhett (Red) are two shades of the same color.

Since I was still a secondary school girl, I have heard a lot about “Gone with the wind” in many ways. The first adjectives appearing in my mind whenever I think about this novel are “Classic” and “Romantic”, based on the praise and description about it. I have always been curious about the film, especially when I saw the beauty of the actress playing Scarlett O’Hara.

“Gone with the wind” - an epic candidate to embodish both  American Literature and Filmology, whose plot was created by Margaret Mitchell in 1936, has the setting in the American South around the time of the Civil War. Refering to its phenomenal success, it would be a mistake if we complement its plot only and skip the characters. There have been numerous critics for the two protagonists of the story, however, it does not prevent me from expressing my own thoughts on Scarlett O’Hara and Rhett Butler due to their strong impression.

Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara

When the story opens, Scarlett O’Hara was a pretty sixteen-year-old girl with dark hair, green eyes and slim figure, one evidence was her 47-cm waist. Unlike the other girls, her choice of outfits challenged the traditional unwriten rules for ladies. For example, she insisted on wearing a rather skin-revealing dress before 3:00 p.m to attend a party at The Twelve Oaks. Normally, she had special care to her appearance and outfits, however, during the difficult time of Tara, she told her sister that having pretty hands – symbols  of a lady – was no longer a concern in that situation. At the beginning of the story, she used to quarrel with her sister for a dress, but when Tara suffered from the war, she did not care about appearance anymore until she thought of enducing Rhett Butler for money and accepted wearing a dress made from window curtain.These details prove that on the outside, Scarlett can be a charming, dreamy, feminine and somehow spoiled lady, however, she was truly fiery and practical at core.

Having parents as different as chalk and cheese, Scarlett inheritted their both significant featues. While Ellen O’Hara was a refined French aristocrat, Genald O’Hara was a fun and free-spirited father, who stemmed from a humble background but thanks to hard-headedness and a bit of luck, he could enjoy a better life. Scarlett resembled Ellen in the way she appeared to the outsiders but on the inside, she was more like her father, especially the determination. This characteristic is the driving force for her actions during the story, from her first attempt in expressing her love with Ashley Wikes, best manifested in the War time and highly probable to continue even after the story ended on the pages.

The most exciting thing about Scarlett O’Hara is her personality. Although her aforementioned appearance and background have partially revealed who she is, it is her actions and words throughout the story that define Scarlett O’Hara. Notably, we can see the development of this character along with the chronological events. In the first part of the film, I can easily name three values that Scarlett appreciated: herself, herself and herself. She was as pretty as narcissus but she was also a narcissist, illustrated by her attitudes and actions towards other characters. Around her were often many men and boys, she flirted with them to feed her pride and make other jealous of her.  Despite knowing Melanie and Ashley were going to get married, Scarlett still expressed her love for Ashley regardless of his fiance’s feelings, and even after they were husband and wife, she still pursued her desperate love and hurt others. Scarlett got married with the first two husbands without love just to revenge Ashley and got money. Even after the unfortunate husbands died, she never shed a tear for them but for her own sake and shallow guilt. When Scarlett was a nurse in Atlanta, she could not bear it because she only thought about how disgusted and terrified she was. In these details, Melanie’s kind heart and selflessness highlighted the sharp contrast between the two sisters-in-law. Scarlett’s care for herself represents to some extent American values: self-reliance and individualism. It may be terrible for people around Scarlett but definitely benefit herself and helped her achieve ambitious goals.

Melanie Hamilton 

Ashley Wilkes

Another striking feature of Scarlett is her intelligence. The way she talked with boys, the way she managed through difficulties, saved Tara, run successfully a sawmill in Atlanta, etc proved her outstanding talent compared with other typical ladies at that time.

It is hard to say Scarlett is a loyal woman or not without any explanation. She was definitely faithful to her love for Ashley since teenagehood till having 3 husbands. The wrong thing here is they were not single; they all had their partners, yet still had improper behavior. Her infidelity resulted in tragedy for all four people: Ashley and Melanie, Rhett and herself.

The thing I admire Scarlett O’Hara the most is her strong determination. Once she wanted to achieve something, she would take any measures necessary and forget concepts like honor and kindness. Even at the darkest moment of war, this woman still did not give up on hope and a better future. She overcame social prejudices to enjoy life, to run a carriage, to manage a sawmill. I support her as a strong-minded woman, yet do not agree totally with her heartless methods from time to time.

On a whole, Scarlett may be a bad girl who only thought for herself but sometimes she was quite adorable and childlike, especially when she was near Rhett. For example, when they ran away from Atlanta, she told him: “I forgot to lock the door”, and afterward she cried like a baby missing home and insisting on seeing mother. She also resembled a child’s excitement when she was cared by Rhett in New Orleans.

Unlike Scarlett O’Hara, we hardly know anything about Rhett Butler based on his background and appearance. This man’s personality can only be revealed through his sayings, actions and interactions with others. Under the cover of a gentleman with signature smirk is a cunny, wise, quick-witted, decisive and brave man. Sometimes we can feel that Rhett is like a male version of Scarlett.Thanks to his wit, he could quickly took advantage of the war and became rich. Once he wanted to achieve something, he would also take any measures necessary. He was the only man that can understand her best, even better than Scarlett herself. Although he may have any woman he wanted, he still loved Scarlett years after years. Between these two is a special chemistry: they may be bad in other people’s eyes but strangely compatible with each other despite Scarlett could not realize it sometimes. However, on the whole, I think Rhett seemed to be less selfish than Scarlett. He risked his life to save Scarlett, joined the army because of honor, he cared about others’ feelings, no matter what class they came from, no matter that person is Melanie or Mammy. He also behaved more rationally, could keep calm and conscious in almost every situation, except for when it related to the two people he loved the most: his wife and daughter. That was also his weakness, we can see how heartbreaking he was when he knew Scarlett, despite his unconditional love for her, still loved Ashley, and when his beloved daughter died, he was literally insane until Melanie came. Overall, I do not think we can classify Rhett Butler as a completely good guy, but this man has some admirable characteristics which definitely deserved widespread recognition.

Mammy (on the right, in case you are confused)

All in all, the two classic characters had made a strong impression on me as well as many other audiences. Black or white, we can not classify them in one word, and that is why I love the complexity and development of these characters. A strange love story between two extraordinary people will have a happy ending or not, based on their personality, I can not give a certain anticipation, nevertheless, even without knowing the ending, we can still admire them for themselves only.

------------------------- Cảm ơn các bạn đã quan tâm. Youtube: https://youtube.com/c/beeline92 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/xoiduamedia/ Website: http://xoidua.com

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior Home Edition April 24, 2020 – BEASTIE BOYS STORY, TRUE HISTORY OF THE KELLY GANG, EXTRACTION and More!

Welcome back to this week’s chapter of Ed is Going Crazy and Itching to Watch a Movie Anywhere BUT His Computer and Television. Since EIGCAITWAMABHCAT is way too long a title, I’ll just stick with “The Weekend Warrior” for now.

I hadn’t planned on attending this year’s Oxford Film Festival, which was scheduled to start in March, but I’m happy that after it was postponed, Executive Director Melanie Addington, decided to hold a virtual festival so others outside the Mississippi region can finally experience the wonderful programming that Addington and her programming team deliver every year.  The series will run weekly beginning with Brandon Colvin’s A Dim Valley, which was part of the LGBTQ Narrative Features and will get a one-day exclusive U.S. preview on Friday. It’s about a curmudgeon biologist and his slack graduate assistants who encounter a trio of “mystical backpackers” while doing their summer research project in the Appalachian woods. I’m looking forward to the “McPhail Block” which will run from April 24 to May 1, celebrating Oxford’s version of Brangelina, the acting couple, Johnny and Susan McPhail, who you’re sure to have seen in any number of projects from HBO’s “True Detective” to last year’s The Peanut Butter Falcon. The block includes four shorts including the World Premiere of Brian Whisenant’s The Golden Years, starring the beloved local couple, and three other solid shorts including Thad Lee’s adaptation of Stephen King’s short story, All That You Love Will Be Carried Away. I may be biased, but I definitely recommend checking out the McPhail shorts, because you really get a sense of their personalities in these films even if they are acting and playing characters.  Also premiering the first week is a pair of regional doc shorts, Getting to the Root and 70 Years of Blackness (another World Premiere), as well as a second block of doc shorts dubbed “Passion Projects,” comprised of five short films. It’s a well-curated festival, so there should be some good stuff across the board.

You can get tickets to most of the first few weeks’ programming at Eventlive.

Also, the virtual Tribeca Film Festival is underway, and honestly, I wish I could tell you more about it, but I haven’t had a chance to watch anything,  as of this writing, and I’m not even sure what is involved in terms of pricing and access… but apparently, it will only run through this weekend? I really just have no idea. The lack of information is frustrating.

Also, it looks like Film at Lincoln Center is adding to their Virtual Cinema schedule, which currently includes Béla Starr’s Sátántangó, the Brazilian thriller Bacurau and more. Starting on Friday, you can also watch Cédric Klapisch’s Someone, Somewhere (Distrib Films), which was going to play the Rendezvous at French Cinema series that was abruptly cancelled, and that’s FilmLinc’s first-week NYC exclusive. Also, the Icelandic film A White, White Day (Film Movement) from Hlynur Pálmason will be available to watch starting this Friday. They’ll be available to rent for $12.00 and $2.00 off if you’re a member. You can learn more about these on the Film at Lincoln Center site.

I usually wouldn’t make a streaming film my “Featured Movie” of this column, but we’re living in different times, so there are no longer any “rules.” This week’s Feature Movie (and in line to be one of my favorites for the year) is BEASTIE BOYS STORY, which will debut on Apple TV+ this coming Friday.

Originally, the concert documentary (of sorts) was going to get a short IMAX run, which would have been brilliant since it was recorded by director Spike Jonze – yes, that one – at a series of live dates out at Brooklyn’s Kings Theater simply billed as “Beastie Boys Story.” The multimedia show had Beasties Michael “Mike D” Diamond and Adam “Ad Rock” Horovitz talking about the storied history of the group, their roots as a pretty lame punk act in a grungier New York, to achieving fame as the childish white rappers all over MTV… to growing as humans and losing their best friend Adam Yauch aka MCA to cancer.

When I moved to New York City in 1987, the Beasties were just exploding with “Licensed to Ill” but it still took me over a decade to take them seriously. I had a chance to do an interview with the guys when Oscilloscope released the concert movie and spoke to Yauch again when he directed a basketball documentary that was at Tribeca. It was pretty obvious that Yauch was the genius behind the band, and the other two guys confirm this during the show. The movie also has a good amount of sentimentality and regrets for some of the decisions, such as booting original drummer, Kate Schellenbach, and how badly they treated her (but still signing her new band, Luscious Jackson, to their label).

Now I get that not everyone is into the Beasties and maybe they only know them from those early days, but let me tell you that Beastie Boys Story does a great job dispelling any myths or misconceptions about the group. In other words, if you’re not a fan of the Beastie Boys before this movie, you most definitely will be the end. This is one of the few movies I could watch online in one sitting without being distracted by other things, and I would totally rewatch it in a second. It’s a bit of a bummer this won’t get a theatrical release even by something like Fathom Events since it would play beautifully with an audience. Hopefully, Oscilloscope, the indie involved with the production will try to give the movie some sort of theatrical release when theaters reopen, because not everyone has Apple TV+ at this point.

I’ve been looking forward to watch Justin Kurzel’s TRUE HISTORY OF THE KELLY GANG (IFC Films) since I first heard the movie was getting made. I was such a big fan of the Heath Ledger-Orlando Bloom movie Ned Kelly, directed by Gregor Jordan and co-starring Geoffrey Rush and Naomi Watt. I mean, that wasn’t the greatest movie despite that exemplary cast, but I also thought it should have done a lot better than the way it was dumped and forgotten by Focus Features. It’s just such a great story and a piece of Australian lore and culture that deserved a better movie.

If you haven’t heard of Ned Kelly or the Kelly Gang, they were Australia’s most notorious bank robbers, whose myth and legend grew as big in that country as that of Al Capone or others became here in the States. During the late 19th Century, the Kelly Gang famously wore plated armor and even dresses to throw off the authorities who were constantly in pursuit of them.

Unlike Ned Kelly, this begins more of an origin with Ned as a child, as played by Orlando Schwert, dealing with a father in prison and a mother (Essie Davis from The Babadook) who is trading sexual favors with his jailer, a sergeant played by Charlie Hunnam. After Ned’s father is executed, Russell Crowe’s Harry Power enters the picture as his mother’s new suitor, and he soon takes the teenage Ned under his wing to show him his ropes. Ned also learns that his mother sold him to Harry Power as someone to groom to be part of his gang. The story eventually shifts to the older Ned (played by George MacKay from 1917) who returns home to find that his mother has taken another suitor in Sean Keenan’s Joe Byrne, and he eventually gets Ned on board to conduct a number of elaborate robberies.

Okay, that’s the basic premise, and Kurzel has put together another great cast for a movie that works far better than his take on Macbeth and (shudder) Assassin’s Creed, both starring Michael Fassbender. (Granted, I’d probably give both of these a rewatch after seeing Kurzel’s Kelly Gang movie.) Although from the very beginning, it’s said that the film’s title of being a “True History” is a bit of a misnomer as a lot of it feels like hearsay from a quite deranged older Ned to an English teacher who claims the story as his own. That said, it is an interesting dive into Kelly’s backstory and what turned him into the violent criminal he became. Oh, I should also mention his relationship with Mary (played by the wonderful Thomasin McKenzie), a single mother living in a brothel who Ned bonds with. There’s a lot to enjoy in the movie including Russell Crowe’s rousing ditty about what Harry Power thinks about the authorities. (It’s not safe for work, if you can’t guess.)

It’s tough to watch at times, similar to last year’s The Nightingale – Australia in those days was not a particularly nice place – but this is by far Kurzel’s best film to date, and it’s a shame that so few will have a chance to see it on the big screen, because it’s definitely a big screen movie. A fine film by Kurzel and one that will make me rethink his previous movies and intrigued in what he does next.

It will be available On Demand, Digitally and in exactly two Drive-Ins, the Mission Tiki 4 Drive-In in Montclair, California and another in Ocala, Florida. If you’re in Orlando, it might be worth the hour trip to see it. Otherwise – and I’m not sure if you’ve heard this advice any time in the last month – but STAY HOME! (Since you can watch it that way, too.)

Martha Stephens’ period coming of age drama, TO THE STARS (Samuel Goldwyn), stars Kara Hayward as Iris Dearborn, a shy farmer’s daughter in 1960s Oklahoma who befriends Liana Liberato’s worldly Maggie Richmond, a city girl who tends to embellish the truth. The two of them navigate the local high school run by a number of snobbish bullying girls, while dealing with some of the real-life drama of growing up in a small town. I was hoping I’d like To the Stars more since I heard good things about it out of Sundance, where it was screened in black and white. It’s generally decent, although it definitely hits some rough and almost unnecessary patches as it builds toward a somewhat obvious climax and dark ending. The script doesn’t really offer that much that’s new or original from other small-town tales set during this period, but Stephens does a decent job getting solid performances out of most of the cast including Tony Hale and Malin Akerman in somewhat rare dramatic roles, Jordana Spiro and Shea Whigham.  There are just some of the other younger characters who were annoyingly obvious clichés and the mostly bad Southern accents started getting to me after a while. I also hear lots of raves about the movie’s cinematography, but in color, it didn’t really do much to warrant such praise, and it was hard to even tell what was happening in a few of the darker scenes, one of the bummers about watching movies on a laptop. I’m sure some might like this movie more than I did, and those who enjoy films like this will be able to watch To the Stars on Digital this Friday.

Now playing on Digital and Demand is the first of a three-part documentary, called Time Warp: The Greatest Cult Films of All-Time (Quiver Distribution), the first volume being subtitled: “Midnight Madness.” Directed by Danny Wolf and hosted by Joe Dante, John Waters, Ileana Douglas and Kevin Polack, the first chapter includes a pretty impressive array of talent, including Jeff Bridges, Pam Grier, Rob Reiner, Barry Bostwick, Michael McKean, John Turturro, Gary Busey, Jeff Goldblum, Fran Drescher, Penelope Spheeris and Peter Bogdanovich. It covers everything from The Rocky Horror Picture Show to The Big Lebowski in a deep dive of 105 minutes. Now I’ve never been the biggest midnight movie guy when going to festivals, because to be honest, I just can’t stay up that late. I’m an old man. But I do love genre and cult films, the weirder the better, and while I’m not sure I’d consider Lebowski a “midnight movie,” the movie is pretty thorough in covering all but the most esoteric films. The first volume is a lot of fun with Jack Hill, Pam Grier and the late Sid Haig talking Coffey and similar “mini-docs” on so many great movies. Other great films covered include David Lynch’s Eraserhead, Tod Browning’s Freaks, and of course, Waters was gonna talk about Pink Flamingos. I’ve seen most of the movies, and I knew quite a bit about them, but the film is still a great entry into cult movies, and I definitely recommend it whether you’re already a fan of this movie subgenre or not.

Volume 2 (available May 19) is about Horror and Scifi, while Volume 3 (available June 23) is Comedy and Camp, and I’ll cover those more fully in the weeks they’re available.

I was vaguely intrigued by ROBERT THE BRUCE (ScreenMedia), which as you might imagine from the title (words that are said almost every five minutes but one of a dozen characters), it’s meant as a thematic sequel to Mel Gibson’s Braveheart. Actor Angus Macfadyen, who played the title character in Gibson’s movie, cowrote and stars in this movie set in the early 14th century (1306, to be precise) where it sort of follows his character. Robert the Bruce has crowned himself King of Scotland after the death of William Wallace, and he takes over Wallace’s mission to win Scotland’s freedom and immediately puts a target and price on his head as his army is dispersed. He’s discovered by an 11-year-old boy, the son of one of his soldiers, who along with his mother and two orphans help nurse Robert the Bruce back to health.

This movie makes you wonder how long Macfadyen must have waited for Gibson or anyone involved with Braveheart to give him his own movie before he gave up and made it himself. Doing some quick math: he waited 25 years, and clearly, that’s just been too long, because even as a fan of those historical battle epics, I was just so effin’ bored by Robert the Bruce, especially after seeing True History of the Kelly Gang. Macfadyen has a decent cast around him, including Jarred Harris and Patrick Fugit, but I’m not sure I’ve ever been more bored watching a movie as I was watching this one.

Robert the Bruce will be on Digital and On Demand in conjunction with the 700th anniversary of Robert the Bruce’s Declaration of Arbroath, declaring Scotland a free land.

STREAMING AND CABLE

Premiering on Netflix this Friday is the new Chris Hemsworth crime thriller, EXTRACTION, produced by the Russos (Avengers: Endgame) and directed by Sam Hargrave, the Russos’ stunt coordinator making his feature directorial debut. In the movie, Hesworth plays Tyler Rake, a black market mercenary hired to rescue the kidnapped son of an international crime lord who has been jailed, as he gets involved in the underworld of weapons dealers and drug traffickers trying to save the boy.

This wasn’t a bad action movie really, and nothing like the loads of bad action movies made in the ‘80s, ‘90s and ‘00s, compared to the actually decent and memorable ones like Die Hard, Aliens, the early films of Luc Besson, etc. This is a pretty simple premise, but Hemsworth has clearly found his stride as an action hero when not playing Thor, and this has all the momentum and kinetic violence of a Bourne movie, as Hemsworth wisely plays Tyler Rake more as the strong and mostly silent type with his young liege, played by Rudhraksh Jaiswal, the two being a strong combo that keeps you entertained throughout. I definitely like Hemsworth more as an actor than others who may have played this sort of role, such as Bruce Willis or Jason Statham, etc. There’s also a great supporting role for Golshifteh Farahani, who you may remember from her role in Jim Jarmusch’s Paterson or The Pear Tree, and David Harbour has a great, very physical fight with Hemsworth in one scene. I’m really liking the way that Netflix is exploring international cinema not just from the hit foreign language films regularly on the streaming network but also a worldly action-thriller like Extraction. Like True History of The Kelly Gang, I would have loved to see this on the big screen, even if it was a press screening at Netflix’s newly-managed Paris Theater. It’s just so much more fun seeing movies like this one with an audience. This may be a running and recurring theme in this column over the next few months, by the way.

Also this week, the new improvised comedy special Middleditch & Schwartz (as in Thomas and Ben) will premiere on Tuesday on Netflix – heard about this on Josh Horowitz’s “Happy Sad Confused” podcast and I’m intrigued – as well as the animated feature, The Willoughbys, featuring the voices of Will Forte, Maya Rudolph and Ricky Gervais, will debut on Wednesday. The latter is about four kids with selfish parents and their plans to get rid of them. Also, the second season of After Life and third seasons of The House Of Flowers, neither show which I’ve seen, begin this week, so if you’re a fan, there’s those to watch, too.

Also, Lionsgate will include its series of free movies with this Friday night’s offering being the ‘80s classic, Dirty Dancing.

It looks like the exceptional Maysles Cinema up in Harlem has started some virtual programming and Friday, it will launch its “Made in Harlem” programming with Looking for Langston. You can go to the Maysles’ websiteto learn more about the program.

Next week, more movies not in theaters!

By the way, if you read this week’s column and have bothered to read this far down, feel free to drop me some thoughts at Edward dot Douglas at Gmail dot Com or drop me a note or tweet on Twitter. I love hearing from readers … honest!

[oxidation-corundum-archive-blog]

Two Weeks Ago...

Oxidation-Corundum turned 1.

I can’t begin to express my gratitude for anyone that’s followed, liked, or even shared my content. I’ve been working at this for a while, now: writing roleplays, growing my characters with others, having fun along the way...

All I can really say is thank you.

...

But that’s a lie, and all of us know it.

Here’s some shoutouts to a whole lotta people under the Read More.

First and foremost, @siblingfaunus. While things’ve been a little rocky as of late, I’ll never forget the kindness that you’ve shown me: you’re a fantastic writer, Ebony and Obsidian Ishikawa remain to be one of my favorite OCs that I’ve interacted with, and you truly exemplify the qualities of a true friend beyond comparison. Thank you. My only wish is that I could be half a good a friend to anyone as you are to me.

Second, @chainlightniing / @howlfortheknight / @somerichkid. I wish I could project this onto a goddamn megaphone and have it be mandatory listening for a year: follow this person. This person deserves so much. Her OCs are all fantastic, she does a stellar job of causing my heart to be torn in two GODDDAMNIT STAR making sure that the balance of power is always there in roleplaying, and while I can only do so much to help you, I wish I could do more. You’re a damn good roleplayer and an even better friend, Star. Never let yourself believe otherwise. Thank you.

@achillca / @khiicne. A wicked cultured lass, you are; you always find some way to inject your studies and passions into your roleplaying, and you truly do feel like Pyrrha in real life (and I mean that in the best way possible; seriously, if I had to give you a dollar for every time I saw you type a swear and immediately imagined Pyrrha saying said swear, your college tuition would be a thing of the past). I’m so grateful to have you as a roleplay partner and a close friend, Dev. Thank you.

@jaune-refaire-arc. You have one character, and go through the motions with that character very, very well: quality over quantity is your game, and you play it. Your Jaune is beloved by so many, as he should be; I truly feel like I’m talking to the blonde haired doofus when interacting with him, and while it’s been a while since we’ve done anything super large, I can’t wait to see what you come up with next. Thank you, Nate. Keep doing you, and never let anyone stop this beautiful train you’re riding on. #BlobjobsAllDay.

@team-lpis-livia. While we haven’t done too much, I’m always grateful for your patience: the little lightning bug you’ve raised has been nothing but a pleasure to interact with, and I eagerly await to see what adventures she goes on with CRUST and the rest. You’re nothing but a pleasure to interact with OOC when we get to talk, and I do hope things are alright! Thank you! Next we meet, I pray it’s with a smile.

@cpring / @elucive / @tubefullofcorgi. While I know you’re busy with real life stuff and you haven’t been around nearly as much as you’d like, that’s okay! I always look forward to your getting on and us talking about...whatever, really! Serious stuff, lighthearted stuff, SHIPPING SO MUCH SHIPPING, you’re nothing but good to be around! While I haven’t done much with the little maiden lass yes, I know that Ivory and Zwei are both great to interact with, and when you’ve got the time and energy to spare, I can’t wait to craft more tales with you. I’m grateful to be writing with you, grateful that you’ve stuck around. Thank you, Jess.

@xgorgaux. Over the year, I’ve seen a little bit more of Euryale; we haven’t done much, but I’ve seen you pop up in my memes now and again, and every time, I get a small smile on my face. It’s nice to be appreciated, y’know? I’ll make it up to you one day...you deserve more love. You’ve been one of the first OC blogs that’s followed me, and I regret not having done more with you sooner. Thank you, Dez; you’ve been here since nearly the very beginning, and I can’t be more grateful.

@blondiethepunmaster. We haven’t done too much in the way of actual Tumblr roleplaying, but oh MAN, Skype has a lot. When you get less busy (and I have faith that you will, one day), I can’t wait to write more with you; whether it’s the team you’ve got in your head or the punmaster I’ve known you for. Thank you, Livia. We’ll get back on beat one day, and our harmonies will resound! Keep natural, stay sharp-tongued! Music pun!

@ms-belladone. While I’ve only known you for...what, a week? I find you great company; a friend of a friend is a friend, as they say...and I’m glad to call you my friend. You’ve been nothing but loyal so far, and while I can’t pay you in gold or silver...all I have are my words. Thank you, Mitch. I wish I can say something like “Your loyalty will be rewarded with time...” or something ominous, but...well, you’ll just have to take my thanks in the meanwhile. Mi dispiace.

@aslxn. Formerly a team of RWBY’s older brothers (which I still like the ideas you had out there, by the way), now you play Arslan, a sorely underplayed character with a whole lotta gusto! I’ve yet to do too much with your writing in general, and I pray that that’ll change one day, with a bit of effort. Thank you, Lex. You’ve been here through good times and bad, and one day, I’ll repay the favor. Keep Yangin’ on.

@velvet-material / @lovlylance27. While we haven’t talked nearly as much as we have back in the early days (and I blame my own forgetfulness for that), I do miss what good times we had! Being able to write with you was a pleasure, even if I was still discovering my characters through the time we did (and even if it was just Chrom and Velvet stuff; whoops). One day, we’ll get to writing stuff for real, if things lighten up on your end. Thank you, old friend. I hope that things are well.

@jolisorciere / @cutthroatheels. Like some others, we haven’t done too much; but you’ve been busy, and life’s happened, and it’s alright! I always appreciate you comin’ back, lookin’ at our stuff, and givin’ it your all...and I also appreciate your choice of muses! Glynda and Melanie (of all characters) are super different from each other, and you play both really well! Can’t wait for when we next do things. Thank you, Penny! You’ve never nickel and dimed me out of a roleplay, and...honestly, I just wanted to make that pun. I’m sorry.

@prcdigaldaughter. You were one of the first Weisses to really interact with me, and for that, I’m eternally grateful; we struck a chord early on, and while we haven’t done anything in a long time, I’ll always appreciate what you have done for me. Thank you, Alex. You helped me become who I am; I hope our friendship will continue to burn brightly.

@teamorcd. ORCD is a super fleshed out team of four that I found through, if I recall correctly, basically blind luck? For once, something goes my way: I found a friend, a great roleplay partner, and four characters that I will hold in my heart for quite some time. Thank you, Sabi. Your OCs are always a delight to be around, and I look forward to doing more with them (and you)!

I also want to give a bunch of shoutouts to people that support me or have been interested in my roleplays, or people I’ve even just met, so...here we go.

@velveteen-faunus (AND ALL YOUR OTHER BLOGS, HOLY HELL), @acoupleofbravedorks, @littlesuncat, @like-a-hummingbird, @vi-helleborus, @rujiba / @silvcrclawed, @drroisin, @teamarscandfriends, @fightqueen18, @iironhearted / @aqucphobia, @nightmare-fantasia, @oceanxcbeauty, @criimsonwolf, @graeaegladiator, and @ask-skylark.

Finally...I want to thank one last person. I know this is going to sound self-indulgent, but...I want to thank myself.

I’ve grown. I’ve watched me change. A year ago, I didn’t have the smoothest of reception into the RWBY community...I thought my ideas were garbage because of the people I had met. But then I met all of you, who pushed me to create more and flesh things out. And through you, I began to change, too: and now, I’m starting to learn what it means to love myself. Even if it’s difficult, and I can’t always convince myself that what my depression thinks is wrong on my own...or even with help, I’m slowly and surely making progress.

Thank you, me. You’ve rode it out for a year and two weeks. You’ll make more friends, you’ll strengthen your bonds between existing ones. You’re stronger than you think you are.

And thank you, everyone. Without all of you, I wouldn’t be here; not even close. I’d still probably be telling myself my ideas aren’t worth the light of day, but you’ve all proven me wrong. You’re living proof that what I create can be recognized.

Here’s to another year. Let’s keep the tempo up.

-Samuel Kim, musician, writer, moderator for Oxidation-Corundum.

[readingraebow]

Gone With the Wind Film Comparison

So, once again I’m late to the party. Yeaaaars ago I bought the 70th anniversary boxed set (apparently it wasn’t 50th, I just have a bad memory, haha) and I never watched it because I was waiting to finish the book. Well, I pulled it out to watch it the day after I finished the book, watched about an hour of the movie and then discovered the disc was damaged (how do I even get that fixed???? The set was brand new and I’ve had it for years. SO THAT’S UPSETTING.) So I had to wait for it to come in at the library so I could watch the other half of the first disc (my second disc is totally fine though???) ANYWAY. Finally made it!!! Finally watched the thing. That’s been a lot of years coming.

I definitely see why this movie is so popular and why it’s had such a huge following over the years. It’s definitely a spectacular feat of filmmaking (especially for the time period, wow). And it’s definitely a movie that everyone should see at least once. However, in comparison to the book, I definitely have some thoughts.

So. Casting. I am honestly not 100% sold on the casting. Some just felt... wrong? Let’s talk about Rhett Butler (before you shoot me, just hear me out). I love Clark Gable. I think he’s a wonderful and fantastic actor. I think he looks just right for Rhett. I don’t think he sounds right???? This is going to sound weird but there’s something about his voice that threw me off for the entire movie. It’s not deep enough of something?? Anyway, every time he would talk I would cringe a little because something just didn’t seem quite right to me. Even the most iconic lines I was just going “this doesn’t feel quite right....?” It almost made it feel campy instead of serious. So, I don’t know what the deal is there but it bothered me through the whole movie.

Olivia de Havilland though. Woah. So, I’m honestly not that fond of her as a human (#teamJoan) and I was kind of on the fence before watching the movie. But, damn, she did my Melly exactly right. I love Melanie Wilkes so much and watching this movie was literally like watching her come to life before my very eyes. So I was honestly so, so pleased with that performance and that made up for everything that bothered me, haha. And Vivien Leigh was honestly pretty perfect as well, though we all know exactly how I feel about Scarlett O’Hara. (Which is why that’s a side note at the end of a paragraph about Melanie, hahaha.)

Anyway, so they definitely streamlined this movie a ton, especially at the end. And I get that this is based on a super long book and at the time there wasn’t really another option besides making a super long movie. So I get that. But at the same time, there was stuff that they left out that I think really needed to be in the story. For instance, all of Scarlett’s children besides Bonnie??? I think they added a great deal to her character and definitely gave you a rounder idea of who Scarlett is as a person. And they definitely humanized Rhett and gave a different side to him than the public opinion. I also hated how the entire public opinion of Scarlett (especially after she bought the mills) was left out? That was a HUGE part of the book and, in my opinion, made the ending make more sense? And I hated that that was completely skipped in the movie. I know Margaret Mitchell wrote a giant, long book but she set stuff up so well that I think eliminating some of it just did a disservice to the story.

There were also several characters that were completely eliminated, probably to save time. Will and Archie were the ones I cared about and was so sad we didn’t get to see. And even most of the deaths were streamlined??? Gerald was the #1 culprit but we barely saw anything of Bonnie and then she was suddenly dead. And Melanie just dropping right before Bonnie’s funeral was just complete streamlining. Wow.

So while I get that it’s a tough job to adapt such a long book into a movie, I feel like this movie almost did something of a disservice to the book. And I get that this movie is a beloved classic and so many people love it so much and love the performances and have grown up with it and everything. But I honestly wish they would remake it as a mini series and give it the depth that it deserves. I honestly really loved the book and I think it’s a really great look at the South and the history of the war. And none of that really came across in this movie. This movie was literally the Rise and Fall of Scarlett O’Hara with none of the charms that made the book so good slipped in between. Because, when you think about it, the book wasn’t so much the story of Scarlett O’Hara as she was a tool used to tell a story about the South. And that’s why I think the movie is a whole different beast. So I would like to see a remake of this now that we have different technology and different platforms to make something closer to the book. (And maybe that would solve my issues with casting?)

Overall, it was a fairly good adaptation. But I think we could have something better. And that I really hope to see in the future.

★★★

[idornaseminary]

Chapter One-Hundred Sixty-Six: Beatrice

Liara watched, spellbound, as Beatrice Selwyn ended the life of Theodore Crix. A scream was caught in her throat, but she noted the children around her screaming in horror at the scene.

Several wands raised from the crowd around her, aimed directly at Ms. Selwyn, and Liara waved her hand in front of her face, and each wand that was raised was knocked to the marble floor.

Gasps sounded from across the room as Liara stepped forward, tears brimming on her eyelids as she surveyed the scene, the body of Theodore Crix limp and lifeless. Her bottom lip trembled, and she looked up to Beatrice, then down to where Enzo Bellerose held the unconscious body of Melanie Winter.

“Take her to Doctor Evans, Enzo,” she said, struggling to keep her voice steady.

Mr. Bellerose nodded, grunting as he lifted himself off of the ground, hoisting Ms. Winter with him, and made his way through the crowd towards the infirmary.

She took note of one Natasha Kraus. She was a quiet girl, and Liara knew that she was not well received by the rest of her children. “Away, Ms. Kraus. To the Curcurrion common rooms, if you would.”

The only reason that she sent Natasha away is that she knew several of the students behind her would immediately point the blame at her, and Liara had an idea that it was not the case.

She slowly walked the next ten or so steps to where Beatrice Selwyn stood, seeming nearly paralyzed as she stared at the body of her victim. She was just about to speak when she heard a clattering of footsteps clicking down the hallways of her home.

“Headmistress,” she heard Virgil Vincent speak, his face in pure horror at the sight of the scene. This is clearly not the Judas among my family. “What’s happened?”

Calmly, Liara took a deep breath. “Retrieve the body of Calix Galen from the dungeons, Virgil.”

“His body?” he spoke, his voice hoarse. “No. Another… What about Teddy?”

“Mr. Crix attempted a murder tonight; Ms. Selwyn stopped him.”

“But where is -”

Liara raised a hand. “The dungeons, Virgil. Do not make me ask once more. Take another member of the staff with you, and be careful.”

Virgil looked like he wanted to say more, but he nodded before turning and pushing through the sea of students.

Liara let out a shaky breath before pulling her wand from her robes and pressing it to her throat. She let the magic seep into her vocal cords so that when she spoke, it echoed off of every wall in the school.

“My children, it is with great sorrow that I must inform you that our beloved Idorna is no longer the safe haven we once thought it would return to… Which is why, at midnight this night, you will all gather outside of the castle with everything you own. We will open the portal tonight, and you will be sent home for the remainder of the school year.

I wish it could be different, my children - I wish it with every fiber of my being - but I cannot allow another to be harmed. Please heed my orders and begin preparing for departure as soon as you are able. Thank you. And we… we thank you for attending Idorna.”    

She lowered her wand, and as she did, the students around her began to exit the Great Hall.

Liara turned, looking to Beatrice Selwyn who still had not moved. She took a moment before speaking again, her voice sounding oddly quiet without her magic. “Beatrice… My office, please.”

Headmistress Liara entered her office, closing the door behind Ms. Selwyn. “Please, have a seat,” she said, motioning towards the chair she made appear at her desk.

Her office was large and in the shape of a hexagon. There were several small staircases that led to different areas - the room in the back where she slept, or the small study where she would lose herself in a good book. The walls acted much as the Gladur did, the wallpaper taking on different forms depending on Liara’s mood. Now, they were grey clouds, rumbling softly and deeply.

Liara sat down behind her desk, laying her hands on the table. She was taught by her parents that it was always a nicety to do so - that it showed the person you were conversing with that you had absolutely nothing to hide.    

Beatrice looked down at the neatly upholstered embroidered chair in front of the enormous wooden desk which took up most of the Headmistress’s office, contemplating that she was likely going to be dismissed once she sat down. Though, what else did she have kept her there? Calix was gone. It wasn’t like she didn’t have options for a career, and though Idorna would have opened more doors, she would just have to make do with what she had. That was if Liara decided against sending her to Azkaban. After all, she deserved it.

The younger witch let out a shallow sigh and lightly set her hand on the rough cream colored cloth lining the arm of the chair, holding the antique steady as she slowly lowered herself into the seat, resting her hands delicately in her lap. She kept her gaze cast down on her hands, unable to help but stare at them contemplating how they took somebody’s life with such ease.

Liara noted the way Beatrice took her time as if she were a newborn just getting used to the world. She waved her hand as Beatrice took her seat, a silver goblet of wine appearing in front of the young witch.

“I thought you could use something a touch stronger than water,” Liara said, attempting a smile. “But I can get water if you’d like.”

Beatrice held the chalice steady in her lap, still staring down at the contents of the container. “Thank you, but I’m alright,” she said, making no move to drink from it. Now was not the time to get drunk. That would come later once she was back home in Wales, and she could properly mourn her loss. What would do I tell Ryker and Cassandra? They would want to hear from her, she knew.

“I know that you and Mr. Galen were close… Closer than friends,” Liara said, her voice silky and calming - a skill she learned to master over the years. “And I understand how you are feeling. My husband was taken from me at a young age. I would be lying if I said it becomes easy to move on, but you learn to cope.”

She took a deep breath, exhaling slowly, and in her breath, a spell of relaxation was carried to Beatrice, wrapping around her shoulders.

“It is no secret that there are those among us who want to see Idorna’s demise,” she continued. “And I cannot claim to know you or your truth, but I know what I saw. And what I saw was a young woman protecting her friends. I never suspected deeds of evil from Mr. Crix, but I always knew he was a troubled young man. And now I know who was behind the attacks at the Quidditch pitch. You saved a great number of your brothers and sisters, Ms. Selwyn, and although celebrations are not appropriate at this time, you should be proud of what you have accomplished today.”  

The forlorn young witch looked up at the powerful sorceress, her brown eyes filled with confusion and a glimmer of fear if she were being honest with herself. “I should be proud for taking somebody’s life?” she asked, voice crackling faintly, her shoulders squared aggressively as she set the goblet on the woman’s desk. “I should be proud?”

“It is quite the cliche - am aware,” Liara said, taking a deep breath, “but we all pass one day. However, we all have some say in when that day comes. Deeds that Theodore Crix carried out limit his time…” She dampened her lips. “You should not be proud of murder - no one should be - but you should not cower in shame at what transpired tonight.”  

She let a few seconds pass before speaking again. “Ms. Selwyn… Although Idorna can no longer remain active until the next school year, you need to be honest with me. There is a reason you and your friends confronted Theodore Crix this morning. You know something - something many of the students do not know. Something I do not even know. I need to know what that is. If there is any information that could aid me, I need to possess it.”

“Crix wasn’t the only one who tried to take the lives of other students,” she admitted quietly, twiddling her thumbs in her lap, carefully crossing her legs at the ankle. “Chantal Williams tried to kill me last semester on Hallow’s Eve. She had the assistance of four others, one of whom I assume was Theodore Crix, and another was Enzo Bellerose under the influence of a charmed amulet which I’m told was a daughter. The other three remain nameless to me,” Beatrice explained, slouching slightly as the spell Liara cast on her finally started to take effect.

She wet her lips and cast a glance at the glass of wine in front of her, wondering if it wouldn’t hurt to take a sip or two. Reaching out, she took the goblet back in her hand and stared down at the floral alcohol, deciding it couldn’t really hurt her as she brought it up to her lips and downed the contents slowly. “I have no idea how big this...ummm...this cult is, but we do know that there is a professor contributing to it,” she added, the sweet drink pleasantly sliding down her throat.

Liara raised her eyebrows. “I figured as much… However, since the incident on the Quidditch pitch, most of the professors have pulled away from me for one reason or another. Do you any inkling of who it may be?”

Beatrice shook her head slowly and wiped a red pearl of wine from the corner of her mouth. “No clue,” she said flatly, feeling a small tingle in the back of her mind from the alcohol.

Liara nodded her head, finally coming to a decision on what had been passing through her mind the minute she sat down. “Beatrice… What you performed was an Unforgivable Curse - and you performed it well.” She clasped her fingers together. “Normally, this would result in immediate expulsion and a ticket to Azkaban. However, in light of recent events, and the dire circumstances… I will grant you access to return to Idorna next autumn along with your fellow classmates. However, you will be heavily monitored. Is that clear?”

The Samoan nodded quickly, a weak smile on her lips at the thought that she could at least finish her degree if nothing else. “Crystal.”

The two women made idle talk for the next twenty minutes or so; Liara just wanted to ensure that Beatrice was stable enough to be sent around the castle on her own. Beatrice sipped on the wine, and Liara continued to surround her with healing magic.

It was then that Liara heard a heavy rasp at the door.

“Come in,” she called.

Before she even finished speaking, the office door swung open. Virgil Vincent stood there, sweat covering his brow as his chest rose and fell. He strode over to Liara who stood, and he motioned for her to step to the side. He exchanged a few words with her in private before rushing back out the door.

Liara watched him, and as the door slammed shut, she could not help but smile. She sat back down, looking at Beatrice. “Thank you for everything you’ve told me, Beatrice. And now I have some rather exciting news for you: Professor Vincent and Professor Popov have located Calix Galen. Contrary to what Enzo Bellerose informed you of, he is alive.”

Beatrice stood suddenly, the now empty silver chalice clattering to the ground at her feet. Calix was alive? Enzo lied to her so she would kill Crix? “Where?” she demanded, her chest hammering in her chest, painfully beating against her sternum. “I need to see him.”

“Hurry after Professor Vincent,” Liara said. “Calix is being treated in Doctor Evans’ personal quarters. But Beatrice,” Liara added, reaching out a hand. “Let them work. He is alive now, but if you get in their way, that could change quickly.”

“Believe me, Headmistress, I won’t do anything that could compromise his life,” she said quickly before darting out the door heading after the handsome young professor in charge of healing. “Too many people have died here already.”

[belovedmiraclestv]

You Are Going To “Fail…” Yet it’s not failure, unless you quit.

As Greg and Melanie share here in Part 2, “You’re going to fail most of the time. You’re going to fail, but if you just keep going one foot in front of the other, it gets a little bit better, each and every step and when you learn to talk with passion from your gut and from your heart then the WORLD WILL MOVE FOR YOU.

See here how Melanie & Greg can inspire you to get the world to move for you…

Interview Highlights:

00:43  You know, if you don’t STAND FOR SOMETHING you’ll _______ for anything.

00:50  Eric and Marina Wore, in Eric’s book ‘GO PRO’ he’s says “You have to be willing to suffer a temporary _______ of social esteem”.

00:58  Because people around you are USED TO YOU BEING YOU, how you are currently. If you’re ____________ they’re not going to like it because it means A) Either they have to change to match you or B) They’re going to get left behind.

02:19  You’ve got to be willing to STEP INTO WHATEVER you’re doing with __________ and if you don’t do that, you don’t deserve to make money.

02:40  But listen it’s not that you have to BE PERFECT, because it’s not the facts. Facts tell, stories _______ .

03:14  Most of the time YOU ARE GOING TO “FAIL”, yet it’s not failure! Unless you quit.  It’s the first step on your ladder and you’re going to make some changes and you’re going to get better and you’re going to grow and you’re going to then…

03:20 You’re going to fail most of the time. You’re going to fail, but if you just keep going one foot in front of the other, it gets a little bit better, each and every _________ and when you learn to talk with passion from your gut and from your heart then the WORLD WILL MOVE FOR YOU.

04:00  We try to INFUSE OUR PASSION in everything we do and not be shy and not be ___________ about what people think of us.

04:48 What additional __________ would you offer to couples who are building together?

      DATE NIGHT DEFINITELY!

06:13  Greg says, “Melanie grew up in a home where ____ was the most important thing. FAMILY WAS VERY VERY IMPORTANT and I didn’t”.

06:42  I can notice there’s a big CHANGE IN OUR MARRIAGE, in our work life together and the way that we treat our kids. The way that we _______ our weeks and everything when we actually spend that time and have a date night.

06:54  I would say number 1 is fighting. You’re going to fight. If you don’t fight you’re probably not having GOOD SEX.

07:03 You got to be willing to HAVE DISAGREEMENTS and still come back to the _________ with respect and honour.

07:24  So for us you know we always keep God _______ and IN THE CENTER OF OUR LIVES.

07:44  We are CONSTANTLY FIGHTING and making up, which is _____________. And I think when couples stop the making up part that’s when they get into trouble.

07:52  So DON’T GO TO BED ANGRY because…

08:09  But I think the other thing too is that AS COUPLES we have to _______, really look at what each other’s strengths are and really try and honour that. Because what he’s good at I’m not good at and what I’m good at he’s not good at.

>>> Free Ebook For Couples <<<

09:05  What I want to say TO THE LADIES, is that you are most likely going to have more _________ or vision than your counterpart.

10:25  I know when my WIFE SPEAKS LIFE OVER ME. When she _________ over me I’m ready to go conquer the world.

11:08  I think one of the things I would ______________ wives or couples along with here is to speak life over your partner.  You know what I mean.  BREATHE LIFE INTO THEM and their ideas and watch them conquer the world.

15:19  There’s that _________ of “HOW YOU DO ONE THING is how you do everything”.

16:01  If you don’t USE IT you lose it because…

17:02 We think it’s GOING TO BE HARD, because we have to pick up our cross and die to ______________ so that we can actually have what He has for us.  Because it’s so much more than what we think we can have.

18:42  The THINGS WE’RE AFRAID of we tend to ________ , push off and procrastinate.

19:21  And you can’t ________ anything without FAITH.

19:36  If I am unwilling to HAVE FAITH IN HIM that he’ll stay true to me until the end of our ________ then how will our marriage survive?

19:47  If I don’t have faith that as I take the NECESSARY ACTIONS DAILY that my business will ________ then I won’t take the actions.

19:55  FAITH IS THE BASIS, it’s the fuel, it’s the fire, its everything, it’s the building blocks because…

21:04  You have been tested and your character has been tried and you have been BROKEN FOR A REASON. And the more _________ you are willing to put in—–your shame and guilt is not from your higher being, it’s not from God it’s not from Him —it is just not necessary. If you’re hanging on to ________ it’s because you’re hanging on to it period.

23:43  When you SET YOURSELF FREE, when you let your ________ shine, your presence automatically liberates others.

24:20  That’s WHAT I BELIEVE. When I need ______________ it will appear, when I want something it will show up. Why? Because I’m faithful in the little things therefore I will be given much.

25:16  At the end of the _______ , the BIGGER THE PRIZE the bigger the price.

25:55  Our GIFT FROM GOD is our _______ , our gift back is what we do with it.

26:03  We can request, we can pray, WE CAN ASK yet we don’t actually ___________ what we ask do we?  In my experience, what we’re given is an opportunity to receive it.

26:57  ONE OF MY MENTORS used to always say to me, “You know Greg if you stop listening to that still small voice in the back of your _________ , eventually ,it will stop talking to you”.

29:02  We all have the _________________ to encourage and inspire and LEAD PEOPLE TOWARDS their fullest potential.

30:02  I think that the more we can INSPIRE COUPLES the _____________ we can make marriages, the stronger we make our communities.

Like choosing between being “Right or Rich” mentioned by Greg and Melanie in the interview check out this comment shared in full context at:

http://www.kclgo.com/AzJNM07E

Therefore my greatest “take away” from this daily shortcut episode is…

Be The Sponge.

Timothy Owen Founder BeLoved Miracles “Because Together, We Overcome.””

P.S. Join the Gratitude Accountability Group At Facebook Here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/GratitudeEmpowers/