#MY BRAIN IS ALREADY FRAZZLED I COME HERE TO UNWIND JUST. WHY

[akai-anna]

ok dumblr, what the fck did you do again?

[forabeatofadrum]

Ljubim te (2/24)

Notes: Oh, what is that? Is that a title? Yes, Jen @1908jmd sent the idea to me. It means I love you in Slovene, which I didn’t know up until now (but also, my Slovene knowledge is quite limited and I never had a reason to learn this sentence) (unlike Klaine I was not there for a Slovenian romance). After all, Blaine has such a hard time saying I love you to Quinn. Maybe he’s saving it for someone else 👀???

AO3 | S&C  

–   

CORK

Kongresni trg is the place to be.

Kurt loves sitting in the grass - on a blanket, mind you, he’s not going to ruin his clothes - and breathing in the scent from the pizza place in the corner. He’s not attached to the square because of its historical value, but because he likes being here. It’s a nice green spot in the heart of the capital. It’s surrounded by gorgeous buildings and you have a stunning view of the Ljubljana Castle on top of the Castle Hill.

Kurt’s only been here for a few days, but he already loves this place as a spot to unwind. And again, the great pizza place is an added bonus.

Kurt watches a man walk towards the pizza place in a hurry, as if his life is depending on it and Kurt smiles. He understands the appeal of the place. A few minutes later the man comes outside with a huge slice. The pizza place is small, so you have more place to sit outside. It’s a cold February day, but it’s doable. That’s why Kurt is also outside.

No one has warned this guy about the birds, though.

The moment he sits down, a flock of little sparrows land on the table and they try to get some of the pizza. At first the guy seems amused, but since more birds keep arriving, the amusement changes into slight panic. He throws some crust on the floor in hopes of distracting the birds and sure, some fly down to peck at it, but this means more birds arrive. He looks distraught.

Is that guy afraid of birds?

Kurt doesn’t have the moral obligation to save a stranger’s pizza, but he gets up anyway. He quickly rolls up his blanket and walks towards the table.

“Shoo, shoo!” he shoos.

The guy shoots Kurt a grateful look.

The sparrows don’t give up so easily though.

“Begone, birdies,” Kurt says and after more overly enthusiastic movement, the flock leaves. Kurt might look absolutely ridiculous, but the guy is looking at him as if he’s God himself.

“Hvala,” the guy says, “I was- uh, wait, English?”

“Yes,” Kurt says back, “I’m American.”

“Oh, me too!” the guy sounds relieved again, “I just moved here last night and as you can see, I am kind of a mess.” He lets out a self-deprecating laugh.

“Are you afraid of birds?” Kurt asks.

The guy shakes his head.

“No, I like birds. Usually. But I am just very tired right now and I think my brain fried when those birds arrived,” he says.

“They love the pizza,” Kurt shrugs, “Every time I get a slice, they are here.”

“You live here for long?” the guy asks.

Kurt shakes his head. He is just obsessed with this pizza place, but that might be a bit too embarrassing to say. Kurt did pick up his Boni yesterday, so maybe his pizza addiction will subdue.

“I only moved here a week ago,” he answers.

“Okay. Oh. My name is Blaine, by the way,” the guy – Blaine – says. He looks very tired indeed.

“Kurt,” Kurt answers.

“Kurt, do you know where to find the nearest supermarket?” Blaine asks desperately. It catches Kurt off guard but then he laughs.

“Oh wow, you’re really going through it.”

“You can tell?” Blaine sounds frazzled.

“Trust me, I probably was just like you only a week ago.”

“Oh, great. Good to know it gets better.”

“How about this? You finish your slice, and I will walk you to the biggest supermarket in the area,” Kurt answers. Blaine once again looks at him as Kurt’s been sent from above to assist him. He must be really out of it.

“Yes, yes, thank you.”

--

The Maxi Mercator is literally across the street and Blaine laughs when he realises.

“I was so close!”

“Yes you were, although you probably were looking for the Mercator ten minutes that way,” Kurt says and he points in the right direction. That Mercator is easy to recognise. This Maxi one is basically underground.

Kurt didn’t have ‘go grocery shopping with a stranger’ on his to-do list, but here he is. The pizza definitely rejuvenated Blaine, so he is less frazzled and more put together.

“So, are you also a student?” Kurt asks when they’re at the vegetable area.

Blaine shakes his head.

“No, I am here for my dad’s company. You know, popping some corks with fancy respected business people and shaking hands while wearing nice suits.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, we’re expanding and I need to oversee the expansion.”

Kurt whistles.

“That is a big responsibility.”

Blaine shrugs and he reaches for some potatoes.

“It’s a job,” he says flatly and Kurt raises an eyebrow.

But Blaine didn’t see it. Instead he asks about Kurt.

“A student, you said?” he asks.

Kurt nods.

“Yes, I am here on an exchange. I follow classes at the Academy of Theatre, Radio, Film and Television of the University of Ljubljana. I’ll go back to New York in the summer.”

“And you came all the way here? Alone?” Blaine sounds impressed.

Kurt nods proudly.

Now it’s Blaine’s turn to let out an impressed whistle.

Blaine finishes his groceries and Kurt assumes that’s the end of whatever wack adventure they have, but once they’re outside Blaine turns to Kurt and asks:

“I hope it’s not too much, but are you willing to give me some sort of tour of the city? I really have no idea where to start.”

“Oh-”

“It’s okay if you’re busy!” Blaine quickly adds, “You must be buried in coursework. Never mind, forget I said-”

“It’s fine!” Kurt says. Classes start next week. Like many other students, Kurt moved to Ljubljana before the semester starts in order to also get to know the city and country.

“I will drop this off at my place,” Blaine nods towards the two bags of groceries, “But we can meet at that park again?”

“Park Zvezda, at Kongresni trg,” Kurt says, “Sounds like a plan.”

–  

End notes: “Shoo, shoo!” he shoos is my peak in writing!

Anyway, as I said in the first chapter, I am definitely putting some spots that I love in the fic, and the pizza place was *chef’s kiss*. I actually didn’t know the name up until 5 minutes ago, when I looked it up on Google Maps for these notes, since I just know it as “the pizza place at Kongresni trg”, but it is the take-away part of Ljubljanski dvor. Kongresni trg is also a place that I love. I also called it “the place to be” in my Ljubljana travel blog. Ahhh, good times.

And the sparrows were definitely a thing, although I slightly exaggerated it for the purpose of the fic. This didn’t happen like this all the time, but it did happen once. My Belgian roommate (let’s call her C in case I will mention her more often) and I went there on her first (or second?) day in the city and the sparrows couldn’t let go. One even tried to drag an entire piece from the paper plates. A lot of people were amused by it, even us. Blaine, on the other hand, really needs his pizza so good thing Kurt stepped up.

Lastly (woah, I didn’t plan on having a long end note), I am definitely taking some liberties with the whole business and study thing here. I have zero (0) knowledge about business and I did study at UoL, but at a different faculty. Kurt’s faculty actually requires a B2 Slovene level, but in this fic... let’s not.

[dakotacrisis]

For Better or Worse (3)

Adrien.exe is applying updates. Do not ask hard to answer questions or flirt with the sunshine child at this time.

---

The rest of Adrien’s car ride home was spent with his face buried in the neck of his sweater blushing like a mad fool.

It was really starting to sink in. Adrien had just told Marinette he wanted to date her. He wants to be her boyfriend and have a real, romantic, relationship with her. He wanted her. Wanted to be with her in a way he had only ever thought he’d want with Ladybug.

Ladybug.

Ladybug didn’t love him the way he loved her. No matter how much he convinced himself that there had to be something there. Staring at the pictures of kisses he didn’t remember and telling himself that she had to feel just something. Maybe there was something there. Maybe she could return his love. Maybe things with Marinette aren’t meant to be forever and Adrien and Ladybug do get that fantasy life in his head.

But that wasn’t what was happening now. Ladybug was still a faraway dream and he’d always have a place in his heart for her no matter what. But Ladybug was no Marinette. She was a superhero and a good friend and the object of his affections for nearly a year. Marinette wasn’t a magical hero swinging around the city defeating evil but she was a heroine in her own right. To list all Marinette had done for others would take long hours of interviewing every citizen of Paris she had ever come in contact with.

Marinette was always helping others. Marinette was super passionate and a hard worker. Marinette was talented yet humble. Marinette was the kind of person that could rip her enemy to shreds in the sweetest and most graceful way possible. Marinette was scary clever. Marinette was lots of fun. Marinette was a dork. Marinette stumbled over telling jokes as well as her own two feet. Marinette was tardy to events. Marinette loses the ability to pronounce words correctly when she’s caught off guard. Marinette was hot-headed. Marinette jumped to conclusions.

Marinette

Marinette

Marinette

Marinette Dupain-Cheng was beautiful. From the ends of her pitch black hair to the tips of her toes. Whenever she was super focused her tongue stuck out. Her nose did a little scrunchie thing when she was trying not to laugh. Her hands were so soft and warm.

He recalled the hesitant goodbye kiss he had given her when he dropped her off at home. The smell of the bakery clinging to her even after their walk.

He’d have to tell Ladybug about this which he wasn’t looking forward to for a whole mess of reasons. He was excited about this new relationship and where it may go but it was also surreal to just let go of his long standing crush and efforts to woo Ladybug. It wasn’t exactly like she didn’t know about his feelings either. If he stopped altogether with no explanation she might get suspicious. Or not. He had no idea how she would react.

Why was he worrying so much about it in the first place? She’d probably be happy for him for taking this step and finding someone he wants to be with. She was great like that.

After getting into the house Adrien slumped on his bed and stared at the ceiling. Marinette is his girlfriend. A week ago she had just been a cute friend in his class. Now they were dating.

“Gotta say, kid,” Plagg floated by his head, “I didn’t think you had it in you. Great work scoring the baker’s daughter though. Can you say all the free cheese pastries we could eat or what!”

Adrien laughed. “Is that all that excites you about me deciding to date Marinette?”

“Adrien, trust me, nothing could make me happier.” Plagg flew into his cheese cupboard, “Except maybe my delicious camembert.”

“Eat up now cause after I finish my homework we need to head out for patrol tonight.”

“You gonna tell Ladybug about your new girlfriend?”

“I don’t know. I feel like I should say something but I also really don’t want to have that conversation tonight. It was already an emotional talk with Marinette and to have another heart to heart with Ladybug? I don’t think I could handle it.”

“No one’s asking you to wax poetic. Just tell Ladybug you have a girlfriend so you won’t be constantly trying to woo her anymore. Simple as that.”

“You are giving me the same advice you did before I went to talk to Marinette.”

“I’m just saying you could have killed a lot of time by being straight to the point.”

“I don’t think Marinette would want to date me if I told her that I only wanted to be with her so I could have free cookies.”

“And cakes and pies and eclairs and brownies--”

“Plagg, please stop before you make me hungry.”

“Also, I didn’t say to date her just because she’s a baker’s daughter. I told you to date her because you’re happier with her around and from what I gathered she’s happier when you’re around too.”

Adrien stared down at his math homework with uncomprehending eyes. His brain was so frazzled from the past couple of hours that it was impossible to focus.

“Plagg, transform me.” Adrien transformed into Chat Noir and leapt out of his window into the night. It was still early so he didn’t need to meet Ladybug for patrol yet.

Being Chat Noir had always been the ultimate escape for Adrien. It was a time to unwind and be impulsive. Running along the rooftops especially had done a lot for clearing his head. It was not a rare sight to see Chat Noir bounding across the Paris skyline at two in the morning because of it.

Maybe if he ran fast enough all these complicated feelings and worries would fall away behind him.

“Incoming!” The shout stopped Adrien dead in his tracks.

Ladybug was gracefully falling from the sky and landed perfectly not a foot in front of him. “Hey Chat. Ready for patrol?”

“Always.” he relaxed a bit. “Shall we get started?”

“Let’s go.” they leapt off into the night.

It started out as normal a patrol as you could get. Leaping across buildings, checking alleyways, waving to citizens, and escorting someone home who doesn’t feel safe walking by themselves at night. Through it all though Adrien kept stealing glances at Ladybug and trying to formulate a lead in to what he wanted to tell her.

Why was he being so weird about this? He needed to spit it out already! What is the worst that could happen?

“Chat Noir?” Ladybug interrupted his thoughts. She was watching him, her brow furrowed in worry. “Are you alright? You’ve barely said anything all patrol.”

“I’m fine. Good. Great even. If not a little mentally exhausted.” Adrien sighed, “I had an...interesting day.”

“Anything you need help with?” Ladybug asked, “I may not have any advice but talking about it could clear your head.”

“I uh...the things is...I was out with this person and…” All his words seemed to leave him. He didn’t want to do this tonight but the sooner he did it the sooner it would be over with.

“Geez,” Ladybug gave him a comforting smile, “You’re like a cat on a hot tin roof. What exactly did this person say to you?”

“She said she wanted to date me.” he mumbled. That familiar warmth spreading in his chest as he thought back to him and Marinette walking along the Seine.

“Oh…” Ladybug rocked back on her heels, “And how did this old tom cat respond to this confession?”

“No tom cat here, milady. I am a perfect gentleman at all times.” He slouched against the roof railing, “But I can say that it was a rather precarious conversation that ensued. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings or give her false hope but I also wanted to think about what she said on my own. After that and another long talk with her I decided--we decided to, y’know, date.”

“Hmm,” Ladybug came to rest next to him. “Is it mean to say I never really saw you dating anyone?”

“Why?”

“Your constant flirting with me?”

“Ah, yes, that would do it.” Why did he have to have this conversation? “To be honest I had never thought of this girl in that way before but after she confessed I realized I sorta had a crush on her but was too enamoured with a certain lady to notice.”

“I see…”

“I’m not giving up on you or whatever but...how do I put this?” He ran his hands through his hair, “I feel like I’ve matured past my crush on you. It’s not to say that I don’t still care for you but I can see the line between us more clearly. And I know that I’ve had a problem of crossing that line in the past but not anymore. I value you too much to lose you.”

“Oh, chaton,” Ladybug flicked one of his cat ears, “I’m happy for you. If you found someone you like that much and who treats you well then I am proud of you. You have a big heart and deserve someone to share it with.”

Adrien breathed out in relief. “I knew you’d be happy for me but a part of me was almost kinda hoping that you’d drop into a dramatic act of declaring your love for me in a jealous stupor.”

“Oh yes, forgive me, just a moment,” she brought one of her hands up to her forehead in a dramatic pose, “Oh Chat Noir!” she spoke like a wounded soap opera star, “I can bear it no longer! My love for you is like a tsunami that cannot be contained a moment more.”

“My lady, how forward!” Adrien gasped in equal ridiculous fashion as Ladybug fainted into his waiting arms, “What can one say to such an unexpected confession?”

“Say that you’ll leave this unworthy maiden who has stolen your heart from me. For I am your one true lady!” she brought her other hand over her heart.

“Sorry Bugaboo, as tempting as running away with you may be, I really like this girl and I have no intention of screwing this chance up.”

She smiled softly at him. Ladybug righted herself so she was no longer draped in his arms. “You like her that much, huh?”

“Yes.”

“Then all I can say is that I hope things go well for you two. She’s a lucky girl.”

“Trust me, I’m the lucky one.” he thought back to Marinette and his heart warmed just thinking of her.

Ladybug gave him another warm look before wrapping him in her arms and squeezing him tightly. He hugged her back. Putting all the love for her into it as he could.

“Come on,” Adrien let go first, “let’s wrap up patrol so I can get home and maybe get some sleep tonight.”

“Unless Hawkmoth decides to send another late night akuma.” Ladybug groaned.

“Does that man ever sleep?” Adrien grumbled, “Probably some jerk that can work from home and take naps whenever he wants.”

Ladybug snorted, “Do you think he sleeps in a giant cocoon hanging from a tree?”

“The real reason we can’t ever find Hawkmoth is because he’s wrapped up in a giant cocoon in a tree somewhere between akuma villains.”

“That would be our luck wouldn’t it?” Ladybug laughed, “If that’s the case then we should go start shaking some trees and see if a purple butterfly man wrapped in a sleeping bag falls out of one.”

They took off back over the rooftops. He was glad that he said something to Ladybug. It felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Now he could really move forward with this new relationship with Marinette. No more hesitations. Well, less hesitations.

“Nope.” Ladybug popped out of one of the park trees, leaves stuck in her hair, “No Hawkmoth in here.” Adrien laughed as he pretended to be trapped in a different tree.

And more importantly, Ladybug was still his friend.

---

(1) (2) (4)

---

(tagged)

@ladylb

[arc852]

The Cave

 Yeah, this isn’t part of any of my verses like I promised, but I’ve barely been able to start that one and this one only needed a little bit more and yeah. Sorry guys, it has been a crazy week. But I still wanted to get something out, so here we are! I hope you enjoy!

 Thomas wasn’t quite sure how this happened.

 They had all been camping. Him and his sides decided to take a little get away, just the five of them to relax and unwind (It had been Patton’s idea). They decided on a secluded part of the forest and set up camp there. It really was the perfect spot. With a river close by, a big enough clearing and even a hill to go hiking.

 There was also a cave.

 Thomas had found it while out gathering firewood. It was a large and dark cave. So dark that Thomas couldn’t see a few feet past where the cave started. He called the others, showing them what he had found.

 Roman had wanted to go and explore, maybe find some beasts to slay. Patton had been all for it as well, until Virgil had mentioned spiders. Virgil himself did not want to go anywhere near the thing and Logan was adamant on it being a bad idea.

 “We do not posses the proper equipment to go searching around in a cave.” The logical trait had said. Roman had been bummed, but reluctantly accepted the fact. Already talking about the things they could bring for their next trip.

 Thomas, however, couldn’t simply ignore the cave. For some reason, it felt like it was pulling at him to come inside, explore, discover. He ignored it though and followed the others back to camp. Setting up a fire and telling stories, eating marshmallows and just overall having a good time.

 When night fell, Thomas was the last one awake.

 He had gotten out of his tent and started heading toward the cave, flashlight in hand. When he reached it’s mouth, he hesitated. In the back of his mind he could hear Logan explaining why it was a bad idea and he almost turned around. But then he felt another hard tug and he was stepping inside the cave.

 After that, he couldn’t really remember anything. The next thing he remembered was waking up. He was outside the cave, lying on his back. He blinked at the harsh morning sun, confused. His brain was fuzzy and something didn’t seem quite right.

 And then he heard a scream.

 He shot up and immediately froze when he noticed his surroundings. Those were...trees. Right? They looked like trees, but they were almost the size of him. And...was that the cave? It couldn’t be, it looked too much like a small burrow then a cave.

 “Thomas?” A small voice practically squeaked out below him and Thomas looked down. His eyes widened in both shock and disbelief. His sides stood before him, smaller than the size of his hand. They all looked up at him with shock, concern, and even fear. Thomas felt his heart ache at that.

 And that was where they were now.

 They were trapped in a staring contest. Wide brown eyes, meeting 4 smaller identical ones. For the life of him, Thomas couldn’t figure out who had spoken. They all had their own tone of voice, but when spoken so softly as it had been, it was hard to distinguish. Besides, whoever had spoken certainly didn’t feel like doing it again.

 “Guys?” Thomas finally spoke, breaking the silence. He was still hoping this was some sort of weird dream. “What...what’s going on?” He asked. The others blinked and finally took their eyes off him, well everyone except Virgil, who was still staring up at him with wide fear filled eyes behind Roman. Thomas felt another pang go through his heart.

 “We...don’t know.” Logan said, cautiously and slow. As if he was still trying to wrap his head around it. Thomas could relate.

 “We just found you like this kiddo!” Patton shouted, concern evident in his tone. “Did you do anything?” The emotional trait was looking him up and down, hands fidgeting with worry.

 “Yes, what happened last night?” Roman added on and Thomas scratched his head, trying to think back on it. The movement caught the others off guard and he noticed them stiffen before backing a few steps away. Thomas did his best to ignore that.

 “I remember getting up last night and going to the cave. I went inside, but after that I can’t remember anything.” Thomas replayed unhelpfully. Logan bit his lip.

 “This sounds crazy, but perhaps it was something in the cave that did this to you.” Logan suggested and Virgil grit his teeth.

 “I knew that cave was a bad idea! Why don’t you ever listen to me!” Virgil shouted up at his host. Thomas blinked and looked away guiltily.

 “I’m sorry, but it was like I couldn’t help it! The cave was like...drawing me in.” Thomas tried to explain, not knowing how to describe the tugging he had felt. Speaking of, he didn’t feel it anymore. Strange...did that have something to do with him being big now?”

 “Like...a pull in your chest?” Patton asked and Thomas looked at him in surprise.

 “Yeah! How did you know?” He pointed to his chest.

 “I felt it to, but it seems like it was less than what you felt.” Roman raised an eyebrow.

 “Well, I certainly didn’t feel anything. Did you?” He asked, turning to Logan and Virgil. They both shook their heads.

 “The feeling was primarily in your chest, correct?” Logan asked and Thomas nodded. “That might be why Patton felt it. He is your heart after all.”

 “Why didn’t the rest of us feel the pull?” Virgil asked and Logan mulled it over.

 “It...could be because we aren’t human.” The others blinked and looked at each other. It wasn’t often that they brought up the fact they weren’t human. It didn’t affect them much, but it was still sort of a weird topic to talk about.

 “That could be it. Even though I felt the tug, I didn’t feel the need to go anywhere.” Patton spoke up. Logan hummed.

 “So, whatever this is.” He looked at Thomas. “It seems to only affect humans.” Thomas frowned and furrowed his eyebrows.

 “That’s...okay, but how is this even possible?” He said, motioning down to himself. He was a giant in comparison to the rest of them. He could easily reach over and scoop them all up into his hand. His heart beat faster at the thought and he paused.

 The thought of grabbing them, holding them in his hand sent a feeling of power flowing through him. But then, another wave of feeling. This one negative, when he thought about how dangerous he was to them now. He could crush them without even knowing, without any effort at all.

 He looked down to see the others looking at him with concern, except for Virgil. His eyes were wide and his breathing was fast and Thomas knew why. He was starting to panic, which meant Virgil was starting to panic with the added panic of his own. Thomas tried to control his breathing, to help ease Virgil.

 “Maybe we should look in the cave, to see if we can find what did this.” Roman suggested and started walking up to the cave. A sinking feeling settled in Thomas’ gut and without thinking he reached his hand over and practically slammed it in front of the creative side.

 “No!” Roman flailed away, eyes wide with fear and hand going to the hilt of his sword. The others flinched back as well, and Thomas winced at what he had just done.

 “I’m sorry, but something is telling me you really don’t want to go in that cave.” Thomas explained, he hesitated slightly before lifting his hand away, settling it on his lap so it was away from the others. Roman blinked and tried to regain his posture, but he still looked frazzled.

 “R-right.” He stuttered and walked back over to the others.

 “So what do we do?” Patton asked after a few minutes of tense silence.

 “Thomas can’t go home like this, and we can’t leave without having Thomas with us, so essentially we are stuck here.” Logan said, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Virgil stepped more out in the open.

 “But we only brought enough food for 3 days. And that was when he was normal sized!” He pointed up at Thomas. “We can’t afford to be stuck here!”

 Suddenly a loud rumbling noise echoed around them, sounding almost like a deep growl. The others gave each other wide looks before looking at Thomas. They seemed to realize what the noise was when Thomas placed a hand on his stomach. At the mention of food, his stomach had answered in turn.

 “Yeah, we might want to do something about that, cause I am really hungry right now.” Thomas admitted. The look the others gave him made him regret the noise, even if he had no control over it. They were looking at him like...like he was gonna…

 “Guys?” That seemed to pull them back, away from those types of thoughts, at least for now. Good thing too cause Thomas did not want to think about it either. The fact that they would even think that was...anyway.

 “Right, well.” Logan said after clearing his throat, gaining everyone's attention. “I suppose the only thing we can do for now is hope this is only temporary. I say we wait a solid 24 hours before furthering discussion on what to do.” Logan looked around for agreement, getting nods from all the others, except Virgil.

 “Virgil? Did you have an objection?” Logan asked and Virgil grit his teeth and he tried hard to avoid looking at Thomas.

 “Yeah, what if it’s one of those things that becomes permanent in 24 hours. As much as I hate to admit it, that cave holds the answers. We can’t just put this off and hope.” Virgil was using his ‘big bad anxiety’ voice in order to get through to them all. Though most especially Thomas. He hadn't forgotten how his host had stopped Roman earlier.

 “Emo Nightmare has a point. We don’t know the basis of, well, whatever this is. A curse, by the looks of it.” Roman added, looking Thomas up and down. He was the most familiar with magic and curses, seeing a few himself whenever he was in his ‘room’ in Thomas’ mind. Even though he could admit those were fake and this was very, very real.

 “Well then, maybe we should take a look in the cave.” Patton suggested. He was a little scared to go inside, still thinking about all the spiders that could be crawling within. But he would do anything for Thomas. They all would.

 Thomas tensed when talk of going into the cave started. He didn’t know why, but the thought made him sick. And in some twisted way, almost protective. Not of his sides, he realized, but of the cave itself. He tried to fight back against the feeling, telling himself that maybe them going into the cave was their best solution. But the feeling only seemed to grow.

 “I...suppose we shouldn't take any risks of this being permanent.” Logan said, hand on his chin in deep thought. “If no one else objects then exploring the cave might be our best option for helping Thomas.” He looked around at his fellow sides, this time none of them speaking out against the idea.

 “Then, it is settled.” Logan turned to look up at Thomas and the now giant willed himself to relax. Still battling with the strange feelings.

 “Thomas, will you allow us entrance into the cave?” Thomas swallowed as he forced himself to nod.

 “Yeah, of course.” He shifted so he was out of the way, even though everything in him was screaming not to let them in. He did his best to hold himself back as he watched his sides turn to each other.

 “Alright everyone! Let us do this!” Roman shouted, hiding his fear behind a mask of cool confidence. The others were more reluctant, but willing to do anything to help their host get back to normal. For both Thomas’ sake and their own.

 As they started off and walked closer to the cave’s entrance, the feeling was replaced with fire. The pull in his chest had returned at full force, but this time it wasn’t telling him to go into the cave. Thomas tried to hold back, let his sides enter the cave, but the pull was clouding his judgement. Just like the night before. He sucked in a sharp breath and before he realized what he was doing, he saw his hands reach out in front of him.

 His sides didn’t notice in time and Thomas had his hands around them before they could react. He scooped them all up, his fingers twitching to curl around them, but he kept them open. Instead, allowing them to sit in his cupped hands as he brought them close to his chest and away from the cave.

 “What the hell!?” Came Virgil’s panicked cry. They were all squirming for a way out until they actually looked at Thomas and froze.

 “K-Kiddo? What--?” Patton stuttered, not knowing how to form his thoughts in that moment. Thomas felt a mixture of guilt and...was that, what, pride? Maybe? Accomplishment? Something along those lines. Whatever it was it definitely shouldn't have been there. But it was and it just confused Thomas even more.

 “I’m-I’m sorry, I just, the pull came back. I can’t, couldn’t let you go into the cave, I--”

 “Your eyes…” Logan interrupted him and Thomas stopped apologizing to send him a confused yet concerned look.

 “What?” An audible gulp came from someone on the right, either Roman or Virgil, he couldn’t tell. But Roman was the one to speak up.

 “They’re glowing.” Thomas’ eyes widened.

 “Oh.”

[fourteenacross]

okay, i have comments to give on "everyone must breathe," but in the meantime: the section from "communicable" (which i've read 500 times, btw,

Don’t worry about comments, I GET IT I am super behind on a) answering comments and b) reading and commenting on other people’s fic. Such is the holidays, etc.

COMMENTARY! YES! Here are some unfiltered thoughts on this section of fic! Please feel free to ask for elaboration if there’s anything in particular you were curious about that I didn’t hit on!

It takes John four buzzes to realize someone is calling him and a fifth to actually fumble for the phone, see it’s Alex, and pick up in a panic.

“Alexander?” he says breathlessly, his heart hammering, a million worst case scenarios screaming in his mind. It’s the middle of the night–full dark, with the heavy, still silence that means the rest of the world is dead asleep. There’s no earthly reason Alex should be calling him.

So this was one of the first scenes that I wrote in this fic. I knew really early on, when everything before the fall of their second year was going to be quick flashback scenes and nothing more, that there was a point when everyone got sick a lot and Alex had to stay with the Washingtons to avoid contaminating John. I really liked that kernel of an idea, this image I had in my head of Alex being miserable in bed and John being useless because he was too busy visiting Alex whenever he could to get anything done. That sort of morphed into the idea of Washington or Mrs. W coming in to check on Alex and finding John asleep next to his bed, which led my brain down the road of, “Okay, but why/how does he get there?” and this immediately popped into my head after.

“John?” Alex sounds slow and tired, not quite himself. “I woke up and you weren’t here and I had–I had a dream.”

He doesn’t actually sound awake, his words mumbled and slurred and quiet.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” John asks. He’s already sitting up in bed, rubbing his eyes. “Are you okay?”

So, we’ve already established in this verse that Alex has recurring nightmares that he sort of blows off. They’re enough to wake him up and rattle him, but he never remembers what they’re about (he never really tries to remember what they’re about) and he’s generally very dismissive of them. John (and, hopefully, the reader) has sussed out that they’re most likely to do with Alex’s abandonment issues and fear of being alone. However, because he’s so quick to brush off his dreams, I needed to make it reasonable that he would actually call John. Having him in an unfamiliar place without John when he’s ill and upset seemed like enough of an impetus to actually imagine him calling John in the middle of the night out of that disoriented mix of fear and confusion and desperation. I think Alex probably reached for John when he woke up, was confused to find himself alone and somewhere he didn’t recognize, and too sick to call out in more than a whisper. Thus, picking up the phone.

“I’m…okay?” Alex murmurs. “I just–”

Silence.

“Did you have a nightmare?” John asks.

“I–maybe? I don’t–I think I did, I don’t…remember now. I just–you weren’t here, and I couldn’t–I thought–”

About…fuck, three years ago now? Four?…I got pneumonia and bad. Not like, hospital bad, but “ran a fever for six days” bad. It’s the sickest I’ve been in memory and whole fucking days passed in a weird fugue state. I could not think straight, I couldn’t hold conversations, I disassociated, I forgot where I was. It was really fucking weird. So, that’s where Alex is here. His brain is scrambled from fever and he knows what he wants (John) but holding onto that thought takes up all of his cognition right now. He doesn’t have enough brain power left over to answer questions or even parse them, really.

The more Alex speaks, the more confused he sounds. John slips out of bed and grabs a pair of jeans from the floor, fumbling into them one-handed.

“Sweetheart, it’s okay. You’re okay,” John says. “You’re at the Washingtons’, remember? You’re sick.”

John and Alex are a lot more traditionally affectionate now than they were in early drafts of this verse. In a deleted scene from a later story, something happens to John and Alex calls him “sweetheart” and everyone else is mute with surprise because they usually just called each other names as a form of affection. That’s sort of eroded now, to a degree–they still call each other names a lot, obvs, but they also sort of embrace some more treacley, affectionate pet names. There are still lines, though–Alex calls John “sweetheart” in a sort of exasperated way at some point in, I think, i saw the whole story unwind, and John makes fun of him. Similarly, he calls John “honey” in exasperation in the story about getting an award and John makes fun of him there, too. But, when the chips are down and John starts feeling protective, that’s where his mind goes automatically–being as genuinely soft and careful and gentle as possible, including embracing that sort of sappy pet name stuff.

“Right…right…okay.” He sounds marginally less frazzled and spacey. “I just–right. I’m sorry. I’m–why did I call you, did I wake you up? Why would I–”

“It’s fine,” John says quickly. “Do you want me to come over there?”

Alex hesitates. “No, that’s stupid,” he finally says. “I’m fine, I just–I just–woke up and…I don’t know, I’m…used to having you, and I just–” He shudders and makes a quiet, frightened noise, and John’s heart breaks.

“I know sweetheart, I know,” John says. “I’m almost dressed, I’m going to drive over, okay?”

John was not like, super cool with leaving Alex on his own at the Washingtons’ to begin with and now Alex needed him and he wasn’t there, and the logical part of his brain is saying, as he tries to pull on his jeans and listen to the phone at the same time, “You dummy, he’ll be fine, he’ll fall asleep in a second,” but it’s drowned out by the panicked part and the part that takes his loyalty to Alex super seriously. Alex is his family and he fucked up pretty badly taking care of his blood family, but he’s not going to fuck up taking care of Alex.

“You don’t–I just…woke up and…I can’t remember….”

“You don’t have to,” John says. “Don’t worry about it, you don’t have to remember. It was just a dream. You’re okay and I’m okay and it was just a dream.”

This is honestly more to himself than to Alex, at this point.

“I’m not a child,” Alex says. He says it more to himself than John, which settles the issue. John grabs a hoodie from the top of the dresser. “I just–I was scared.”

“I know, baby,” John murmurs. “It’s okay. I’m leaving now, I’ll stay on the phone with you in the car, okay?”

“You don’t have to,” Alex mumbles. “You don’t have to come, I just–I don’t know why–I shouldn’t have called.”

“No, no, no,” John says. “You can always call me.” He walks out into the living room and grabs his coat, struggling into it one-handed as he continues to hold the phone to his ear.

“It’s…late,” Alex says. He yawns. John grabs his bag and his keys and leaves the apartment. “I just woke up alone. I hate waking up alone when I’m sick. I woke up alone and I was scared.”

In the original draft of this scene, Alex was much more coherent. I had to go back and make him a little more scattered so that it would be believable that he would forget this entire conversation come morning.

Also, the “I woke up and you weren’t there” is about as clear a window into Alex’s psyche as we’re likely to get, at least when it comes to this part of him that desperately needs other people and refuses to acknowledge it. There’s a reason he keeps repeating it.

“That’s okay,” he says. He locks the door and starts down the stairs, trying to go as quietly as possible. It’s the middle of the night–he doesn’t want to wake up the whole building.

“I should go.”

“Don’t bother, I’m already up, I’m already coming over,” John insists softly. “You don’t have to go anywhere, Alex, you can stay right here on the phone with me.”

“I don’t have anything to say,” Alex says. He still sounds dreamy and soft, not entirely awake for the conversation. John starts walking faster and finally hits the ground floor.

“I don’t have anything to say,” the true sign of Alex being sick XD

“It’s okay,” he says as gently as he can manage. “You don’t have to say anything. You can just sit there, and I’ll know you’re okay and you’ll know you’re okay.”

“Mm.”

John is not super great at taking care of other people, especially when he’s so panicked. He’s also beating himself up for not being there.

It’s cold as dicks, so John doesn’t dawdle in the parking lot. His engine is loud in the frozen silence of the night, and he hears Alex startle over the other end of the phone.

There are a lot of references to how cold it is during this story. Winter 2015 was THE. WORST. in the northeast and in Jersey, too. I have like…legitimate trauma from that winter. We had a record snowfall in Boston and like 90% of it fell over less than 30 days. It snowed every weekend. There was nowhere to put it because none of it melted because it was also record low temperatures. By the end of it I was literally crying every day because I couldn’t stand it anymore. New Jersey didn’t get quite as much snow as we did, but it was just as bitterly cold.

“I’m starting the car,” he tells him. He puts the phone on speaker and rests it on the seat next to him. “That’s all. I’m on my way to you now.”

“Okay,” Alex mumbles. “Okay. You don’t have to.”

“I know,” John says, “but I’m going to. The car’s already moving.”

Silence on the other end. In fact, it stays silent as John pulls out of the parking lot, as he turns down their street, as he turns onto the main road.

“Alex?” he asks again.

No answer, save for a soft snuffling sound. Alex, he assumes, is asleep again.

He reaches across to his phone one-handed and ends the call. He’ll be there soon enough, and he trusts that nothing will happen to Alex in the five minutes it will take him to finish his drive across town.

I like the idea of John not even taking the time to put his phone in the dash clip or hook it up to the AUX cable–he just hits the speaker button and drives.

The other big motivating factor for him, outside of his own panic and need to take care of Alex out of familial responsibility, is how small and scared Alex sounds through all of this. I’m a really lazy writer, so this is a construction I use in the text a lot (though I haven’t used it yet in this section, I think), but John and Alex are both big obnoxious personalities and thus, when one of them is acting quieter and more timid than usual, they always make note of how out of character that is. They don’t like to show weakness, so when they’re too tired to hide their weakness, it’s a flashing red light to the other that something is really wrong. Here, John knows what’s wrong–Alex is sick–but it’s still eerie and unsettling enough that it spurs him to move more quickly.

The Washingtons’ house is dark when John pulls up outside, and for the first time he realizes how crazy this whole thing is. He’s breaking into his mentor’s house because his boyfriend had a bad dream. This is…not normal. It’s possible John is majorly overreacting. Alexander is an adult, he can take care of himself, he doesn’t need John rushing to his aid in the middle of the night.

But John remembers how lonely and needy and touch-starved he was when he was sick, and that was in his own bed. Alex is alone in an unfamiliar place. And Mrs. Washington gave him a key. So this isn’t…totally weird.

Probably.

Another construction I use a lot because I’m a lazy writer–John and Alex are low-key self-aware that their relationship is really more intense and obsessive than is healthy, and convince themselves that because they’re self-aware, it makes it okay.

He sits in the car for another minute after coming to that conclusion, weighing his options, trying to decide just how crazy and clingy this makes him. In the end, he can still hear the soft way Alex said his name over the phone, and that answers the question for him. He would do anything for Alex on a normal day–he doesn’t stand a chance at resisting when Alex is sick and scared.

Just hitting you right in the solar plexus with the image of Alex’s quiet, scared voice over the phone. You’re welcome.

He closes his car door as quietly as he can manage and walks swiftly up the front walk. He tries to act casual–he’s very aware of the fact that he’s a latino kid in a nice neighborhood in torn jeans and a black hoodie, and while people in Jersey are more likely to call the cops than shoot on sight, the only thing that could make this more embarrassing would be having to explain it to the Washingtons and a police officer at two in the morning.

I try to walk a line between a realistic amount of thought and reference to how race impacts these kids and keeping it from distracting from the story at hand. I’m very aware that I’m a white lady with wildly different experiences, but I don’t want to erase that aspect of the characters.

He unlocks the door and opens it as softly as he can, slipping inside and locking it behind him. He hears a rustling in the hallway and winces, preparing an explanation in his mind, but it’s just Nelson, who trots over to him and head-butts his leg looking for pets.

“Hey, buddy,” John murmurs to him. “I thought I told you to look after my guy while I was gone.” Of course, even if Alex had been awake when John left, he’d probably have kicked Nelson and Blue out of his room–John will never in a million years understand Alex’s universal disinterest in animals.

I’m more of an Alex than a John, tbh. I’m a little more accepting of animals than Alex is, but I really don’t care for cats and I’m not like, crazy about other animals. (Except bunnies. I love bunnies.) I tend to love dogs I know and am vaguely aware of dogs I don’t know.

Anyway, GWash’s dogs are named for his horses because even though he had a trillion dogs IRL, it was easier to find the names of his horses than his dogs and I am, as I have mentioned several times, quite a lazy writer.

(Also, Alex totally would have kicked the dogs out of his room.)

But Alex is why he’s here, so he scratches Nelson behind the ears one more time and then walks quietly down the hall to Alex’s room. The door is open a crack and John nudges it the rest of the way open, peering inside.

“John?” Alex whispers. He’s lying in bed, propped up by half a dozen pillows. He’s also half asleep, with the blankets pulled all the way up to his chin. There’s a nightlight plugged into the corner, letting off a faint blue glow. Just enough to allow someone unfamiliar with the room to navigate their way to the bathroom, John figures, but it’s also enough to see how pale Alex looks, still.

“It’s me,” John confirms. “Just me.” Nelson nuzzles his hand. “Me and Nelson,” he amends.

“You didn’t have to come over,” Alex says. He sounds more Alex-like, now. Still tired and a little distant, but he doesn’t seem as scared or lost as he did on the phone. “The whole point of me being here is so you won’t be around me and get sick again. You didn’t have to come over.”

“I wanted to,” John says. “I needed to make sure you were okay.” He puts his bag on the floor and toes off his shoes, then gets gently into bed next to Alex, lying on top of the covers. Alex is immediately pressed to his side, arms around John’s waist and clutching him more tightly than John would have expected given his current state.

Alex talks a good game, but he was pretty desperate for John. I think, while he’s mostly over connecting every sickness to his mother’s death–he gets sick enough that it would be nearly unmanageable to think of it every time he has a sniffle–these particular circumstances of being separated from someone he loves are digging into that same place in his heart. He’s exhausted and he can’t think and he’s miserable and he just wants to be held and loved and while he understands why John is elsewhere and, in fact, wants him to stay there and be well instead of getting sick again, he’s also sad and sick and desperate.

“This sucks,” Alex croaks.

“I know,” John says. Alex’s hair is stringy and sweaty and tangled, but John smoothes it out anyway, brushing it back from his face. “Just try to sleep, babe. You’ll feel better if you can sleep for a little while. And if you have another nightmare, I’ll be right here.”

“I don’t know if it was a nightmare,” Alex mutters. He yawns against John’s chest. “I just woke up.” He yawns again, and when John looks down, his eyes are already closed. “I woke up and you weren’t there.”

“I know,” John repeats softly. “I know, baby. I’ll be here this time, okay? Just sleep.”

John feels super, super guilty about not being there.

And that seems to be all it takes. Alex is back to breathing deeply and evenly just moments later, still wrapped around John in sleep.

That should be John’s cue to ease himself out from under Alex, tuck him in, and head back to their apartment. Leave Alex here to sleep the rest of the night in peace, get some rest of his own away from Alex’s germs, swing by again tomorrow morning before work, maybe….

But, he should wait a few extra minutes, just to be sure he doesn’t wake Alex up. Just long enough to be positive that Alex is truly and deeply asleep. A few more minutes won’t hurt.

And Alex’s desperation is mirrored in John. He also understands why Alex is quarantined and doesn’t want to be sick again and knows this is for the best, but it’s cold and it’s fucking February and he hasn’t slept alone in months and he wants to hold Alex as badly as Alex wants to be held.

Nelson gets up from the floor near the door and walks over to John’s side of the bed, looking up at him curiously.

���Sorry, buddy, I’m not here for you tonight,” he says. Nelson noses at his leg and, when John doesn’t push him away, jumps up onto the bed and settles himself at the bottom, his head resting on John’s feet. “He’s not gonna like that,” John tells him, but he doesn’t make any move to discourage him.

Asleep in a warm, soft bed with Alex in his arms and a dog on his feet is pretty much John’s ideal fantasy.

And it would be mean to shove him out of the way when he’s just gotten settled. So, really, John is doing everyone a favor by just snuggling with Alex for a few more minutes….

Yeah, he knew he wasn’t moving after that XD

It’s midnight now and my brain is mush. If there are any PARTICULAR QUESTIONS you have about this, plz feel free to ask for elaboration!