#MY CAR WONT START.

[knuckles-bloody-for-me]

Fortnight really is the thesis statement, executive summary, introduction paragraph for the album huh

[silverskye13]

Well well well, if it isn't "I got two consecutive nights of 8+ hours of sleep so I'm having nightmares." We meet again, my old friend.

[wittyworm]

im at my wits FUCKING end

[thawthebeez]

windchill of -34° tomorrow!!.......... 🚬

[caterpilller]

having an Objectively Not Good time but trying to not let it get to me

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

sorry to message but i just wanted to yell because I saw a post and yOU’RE THE AUTHOR OF FALLOUT FROM THE FADE ???? oh my goodness it’s my favourite fic ive read it SO many times.

i left a comment on ao3 last night because i finished reading it again and i just genuinely hope one day you finish it (i understand you have much going on i am just greedy).

but yes thank you so much for creating it, fenris and hawke are everything to me and this fic is my canon no matter what happens in veilguard. 💜

hahaha HELLO yes that is indeed I... I guess i do owe a little bit of an explanation here since its been uh... like 4 years since I last updated, yeah :| But it still makes me so happy that even after so long people still enjoy my little pile of suffering and yearning!

I don't know how many people who used to follow it are still on tumblr (I think a lot of people i used to write with/who would comment have deleted their tumblrs and AO3 accounts in the intervening years alas) but i do I owe anyone remaining a little context I guess lol. Long story made short is like very shortly after my last update i got broken up with unexpectedly from my 4 year relationship, and went into a bit of a spiral about it. I didn't fully stop writing at this point (though I think nothing I wrote in that like... year or more ended up posted anywhere), but I did realize that when I went to work on my ongoing stuff I was in a place where I was like... only wanting to write about anger/losing relationships rather than healing ones. And that part of me wanted to change some of the things I had planned for the following parts and ending of Fallout From the Fade. And so I decided to take a step back from it for a while to see if I actually wanted to make those changes when I was less bitter or if I wanted to follow my original plan.

And that took me about a year, emotionally. However by then I had actually left my prior job (where I spent a lot of time hiking/camping in the wilderness of Utah with no internet, and I used that time for writing), and started graduate school courses. Aaaannnd grad school has been slowly eating my life since. I've only posted I think one other fanfic since then, and it was a very short prose-poem one shot. Another contributing factor was my gaming tech was too old to actually play Trespasser when it came out, and by the time I got a laptop that could handle it, I had to replay the whole game but I was working full time, etc... and i felt really disconnected from the DA fandom since I couldn't read all the new fic/understand all the lore deep dive posts/experience it with everyone else simultaneously. Oh yeah and I work a second job as a professional mermaid in varying degrees of intensity depending on the season/oportunties available haha.

All that being said. I actually have written more of FFtF in the last 2 years. But like I said in the other post I made kinda recently, the long gaps between my later updates (vs the ones I was doing way more regularly in 2016-2018) had me rethink the approach I was using to write and post it, which was a chapter at a time. It felt like stringing people along in kind of a mean way to dump a chapter and then vanish for another year, and I knew I couldn't promise consistency while doing a masters/PhD program. So I've been kind of fiddling away at it slowly still, both actual writing of following chapters, and some substantial firming up/drafting sections in my outline to get to the eventual ending and ensure it's more cohesive than a lot of my slapdash chapters. But! Idk! I do also def work slower without the fun of having an audience, and miss that. and I never actually asked of the people who are left and still wanna read more of it, if they'd rather just get a chapter every 6 months or so as I scrounge it out. If you are one of those people and have an opinion def let me know.

I will say, the imminent presence of Veilguard does have me more inspired and creative again, and some of that has been going to Fallout. Especially since I'm no longer watching the videos/gameplay bioware is putting out since they have SOOO many spoilers and I wanna go into the game at least semi blind, so my creative energy has to go towards my personal stuff rather than joining everyone else in speculation and hype now. I'm definitely not promising I will have it close to finished by October when Veilguard releases, because I'm still in grad school and the next months are busy for me in terms of mermaid work too, but I am hoping I can make some good chunks of progress between now and then. But then if I say that and can't follow through after all I also don't wanna let people down.

Anyway yeah, it's sort of a lot of conflicting thoughts. But I'm still rotating Hawke and Fenris and this fic in my mind even these years later... which for me is honestly pretty normal. I mean I have whole original novels/worldbuilding ideas/etc that I've worked on for 10-15 years in my own time haha, I've been writing fiction for fun since I was like 10, so I think I also just think of stories/writing across a bigger timeline than people who start writing with fanfiction (which is MUCH faster paced) than original fiction. The difference of course is no one sees my original stuff so there's no one to care if i take 2 years between chunks of progress. SO I guess what I am trying to say is, yes definitely it is not abandoned, I am plodding away at it bit by bit, I also hope I can finish it one day!!!! that is within this decade i hope! whether or not anyone else is left to read it but me haha

[1eos]

i grabbed my last letter of reccomendation from my grandmas house and when she asked what its for and i told her she launched into this whole thing as to why i cant move and i can't go to school bc i have to work and i just asked her if she thinks im an idiot. like the hostility..........................................................it be your own family that wants you to die at a dead end job in a declining city..................

[stinkybrowndogs]

Oh man the hits just keep comin

[gorillaxyz]

its always me with the spiders too its so bad :( i opened the car mirror (yknow at the top of the... fromt seat...) and a sleeping wasp FELL ON ME and i thought it was some crazy yellow spider freak AND IT STARTED CRAWLING TOWARDS MY CROTCH AND UNDER MY ASS AND I SCREAMED SO LOUDLY AND I JUMPED OUT OF THE CAR AND TRUED TO SHAKE IT OFF IT WAS SO HORRIBLE. 😭 i didnt post about it at the timr or like even a few days after (week or 2 ago now) BUT OH MY GOD. we had to walk to town becaude i REFUSED to go back into the car. IMAGINE IF IT WAS ACTUALLY A SPIDER AND IT STAYED ON ME THE WHOLE DAY :( ughhhh i keep seeing them in the corner of my eyes too but when i turn they arent there IT MAKES ME FEEL SICK LEAVE ME ALONE

[anemonequeen]

Ugh wheres a handy butch when you need her

[chasingfictions]

im gonna. Northbound i got carried away as you boarded your train south south south south south south / Move to florida buy the car you want but it won't start up till i touch touch touch you / Love left me like this and i dont want to exist so take me to florida. / I need to forget so take me to florida. / I knew you stepping on the last train marked me like a bloodstain. / You booked the night train for a reason / You know that my train could take you home. / Thought I saw you at the bus stop I didn't though. / Like waiting for a bus that never shows. / We wait for trains that aren't coming. / I jump from the train I ride off alone. / I slur your name til someone puts me in a car. / Your midas touch on the chevy door. / You're a cowboy like me never wanted love just a fancy car. / Kissing in my car again. / Hand on the throttle thought I caught lightning in a bottle oh but it's gone again. / I tried searching faces on streets, what are the chances you'd be downtown downtown downtown / Walking through the crowd the village is aglow / I'm new york city I still do it for you babe / You're the west village you still do it for me babe / Back and forth from new york sneaking in your bed. / You know I left a part of me back in new york / And I lost you the one I was dancing with in new york / I'd never walk cornelia street again / And i'm sitting on a bench in coney island wondering where did my baby go. um.

[toytulini]

i may not be able to open posts from my notes or messages or get more context on posts via looking at the notes, but at least i can make fucked up coffee properly now

[chistery]

👍

[rainowbenstyls]

a trip down memory lane

inktober day 7 (read tags to see my thoughts)

[missazura]

I didn't get to go on my birthday trip bc someone hogged the car the whole fucking day and it was storming outside.

I promised myself in the past that I don't want to celebrate today at home being stuck with grandma and that's exactly what happened. I already feel like a failure for not keeping up to my expectation of spending today in a new home. I wanted to celebrate it in my own house. that's not happening and I couldn't even do the bare minimum of going outside and have a good birthday.

I feel like I jinxed it. I'm so upset.

[faaun]

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