#Matt is tiny compared to that Colonel

[shingodzilla98]

Matt Smith in “Patient Zero” (2018)

Enjoy!

[forgottenfuturist]

A Star Trek Story Snippet

This is a tiny piece of from a single "episode" of a much larger Star Trek:TNG AU story where a major galaxy-shaking event rocks the Alpha Quadrant just before the events of Star Trek: Generations would have happened:

The intensely humid tropical air hit Riker with an almost physical force as he stepped out of the runabout and onto the beach, followed by Data, Ogawa, and Lavelle.

Some members of the 20th century military force they’d seen from the air were waiting for them, standing almost causally in a loose semicircle, honest-to-God antique firearms and ammo belts slung across their shoulders. One of them stepped forward—the leader, Riker figured, although none of the soldiers surrounding them were wearing anything that looked like rank insignia. “Nice lookin’ flier,” the soldier said. “You boys in Special Section get all the toys, dontcha?”

Riker decided to play along, “You know how it is,” he replied with what he hoped was a disarming smile.

The soldier extended his hand. “Lieutenant Matt Wallace.”

Riker shook the man’s hand. “Commander Will Riker. This is Lieutenant Commander Data, and Lieutenants Lavelle and Ogawa.”

“What kinda name is ‘Data’?” One of the other soldiers—the youngest-looking of the bunch—remarked.

The man next to him cuffed him in the back of the head. “It’s a codename, you simp! You think a Special Section guy’s gonna say his real name where a Private can hear it?”

“Knock it off, Stumpy, or he won’t be the only Private in the outfit!” Wallace said to him. “Sorry about that, sir,” he said to Riker. “Some of these knuckleheads need a little more special high-intensity training.”

The other soldiers laughed at that, and Riker noticed Lavelle trying to smile like he was in on the joke.

“Well sir, Colonel Dortch is gonna want to see you straightaway.” Wallace said.  “Best I take you to him.” He motioned for Riker to follow.

“Lavelle, Ogawa, stay with the ship.” Riker said. “Data, you’re with me.” He and Data followed Wallace up the beach, and the band of solders fell in behind them.

“Sam, what’s going on?” Ogawa said once the soldiers were out of earshot. “Why does this military think we’re with them?” 

“Maybe because of that?” Lavelle pointed to a chopper that was flying low over the water, coming in for a landing in the airfield on the other side of the dunes. Emblazoned on the side was the unmistakable shape of a Starfleet delta, set against a circle of red, white, and blue.

Farther up the beach, a group of soldiers jogged past Riker and Data, chanting a call-and-response military cadence as they ran:

“MY Fleet!”

“MY Fleet!”

“YOUR Fleet!”

“YOUR Fleet!”

“OUR Fleet!”

“OUR Fleet!”

“STARfleet!”

“STARfleet!”

Data’s eyebrows shot up. “Curious.”

“Does this make any kind of sense to you, Mr. Data?” Riker asked quietly enough not to be overheard.

“Possibly, sir.” Data said. “Consider: although we have only been in transit for one year, six months, and three days, over three thousand years have passed for the rest of the universe. Much could happen during that time.”

“Including a group of humans somehow finding their way through a wormhole, settling on this planet, and devolving into this?”

“It does seem most improbable,” Data replied. “And yet, here it is."

Wallace led them onto a military base made of what looked like prefab metal buildings, and a few minutes later he was introducing them to the commanding officer:

“Colonel Dortch, Commanders Riker and Data of Special Section.”

“Well, God bless Laurentia, Tam-A finally listened for once.” The Colonel looked up from his paperwork. “What are you boys wearing? They pull you away from a costume party?”

Riker and Data’s black Starfleet Class B uniforms with the splash of division color on the shoulders stuck out like sore thumbs compared to the 20th century olive-drab uniforms of everyone else in the room.

“Never mind,” the Colonel said. “If you can get this operation back on track you can wear ballroom gowns for all I care.”

Before Riker could say anything, the Colonel stood and unrolled a map of the area. “We’ve been trying to follow the Prime Directive with these Jacks here, and most of ‘em are willing to go along. But this new rebel group in the jungle is stirring up trouble—attacking the villages where the good Jacks are, executing their leaders. Hell, they’ve even hit us a few times. Brought down D-610, if you can believe it.”

Riker tried to look surprised, even though he had no idea what a “D-610” was.

Dortch pointed to an area of the map a couple hundred kilometers inland. “Near as we can tell, the rebel Jacks are holed up in this area—there’s an old abandoned city that they’re using as a base. Ordinarily we’d just dump defoliants all over there, then bomb the snot out of ‘em, but Tam-A put the kibosh on that. Something about all those chemicals running downriver and contaminating the coastline all through here. It’d spoil the plans for all those beach resorts they’re gonna build, and the money’s already changed hands.”

[idlesuperstar]

F for Fake: A study of Orson Welles’ film noses - Part 4: The 1970s & 1980s

From Orson Welles’ Sketchbook - 1955

Following on from Orson’s 1940s noses (here), 1950s noses (here), and 1960s noses (here) with the running total at real 22 : 31 fake, we slide irrevocably into the final stages of Orson’s career, the 1970s and 1980s. 

Ok, the 1960s were hard work, folks, but they look like a shining beacon of greatness compared to what comes after. Don’t get me wrong, Orson is always always great, and there are some wonderful moments, but they’re few and far between. But it’s ok, because it funded F for Fake, and gave him hope, and hey, he worked with the Muppets. 

I’m very sad to bring this to a close, because it’s the most ridiculous thing I think I’ve ever dedicated my time and research to, but I’ll be glad to get back to my favourite Orsons, be it Mike O’Hara, or Macbeth, or Rochester, or Harry Lime, or Orson in his very own skin, and - praise the baby cheeses - own nose. 

The Kremlin Letter [d: John Huston, 1970]

Character: Bresnavitch

Nose: Real

Orson begins the decade as he doesn’t mean to go on: Russian, clean shaven (and dark haired), and working for a great director (who has, in this case, made a rare tedious film). 

~

Catch-22 [d: Mike Nichols, 1970]

Character: Colonel Dreedle

Nose: Real

real nose, real hair, real face, not-real military rank

~

Waterloo [d: Sergei Bondachuk, 1970]

Character: Louis XVIII

Nose: Fake

Another historical epic, another short cameo, another ever-so-slightly fake nose, as well as some light stagecraft with the makeup. 

~

Malpertuis [d: Harry Kümel, 1971]

Character: Cassavius

Nose: Fake

It’s a Belgian fantasy-horror film with Orson playing one of many mythical Greek characters, what’s not to love. Featuring Orson’s most OTT stagecraft of the decade. 

~

A Safe Place [d: Henry Jaglom, 1971]

Character: Magician

Nose: Real

EVERYTHING IS REAL INCLUDING THE MAGIC. Orson at his most wonderfully benevolently uncle-ish.  

Ten Day’s Wonder (La Décade prodigieuse) [d: Claude Chabrol, 1971]

Character: Theo Van Horn

Nose: Fake 

Colour film is not as forgiving of nose putty as black and white, Orson, but it’s ok, he’s reunited with Tony Perkins (again). This is Orson’s own beard, which will be a staple of the 1970s.

~

Necromancy [d: Bert I Gordon, 1972]

Character: Mr Cato

Nose: Fake

This film is available on dvd, whereas some Orson films (and indeed some classics of cinema) are not. There is no justice in the world. 

Also: this marks the end of the fake noses. I think Orson was finally at the point where he didn’t feel the need to age himself up (he was nearly sixty, after all). Or possibly he just couldn’t be arsed any more. 

~

Get To Know Your Rabbit [d: Brian de Palma, 1972]

Character: Mr Delasandro

Nose: Real

Orson is another magician (yay!) teaching a tap-dancing newbie magician (whut?) in a film that de Palma (up til then a comedy film maker) was kicked off before the end. Hmm.

~

Treasure Island [d: John Hough, 1972]

Character: Long John Silver

Nose: Real

Fun fact: the script was originally written by Orson in the 60s, but by the time this was filmed, it had been rewritten so much Orson asked to be credited pseudonymously as O.W. Jeeves. 

~

F for Fake [d: Orson Welles, 1974]

Character: HIMSELF

Nose: Real

Dear god it is a relief to have not just a great Orson performance but a joy of an Orson-directed film. Is there any greater line delivery than ‘for the last seventeen minutes I’ve been lying my head off’?

~

Voyage of the Damned [d: Stuart Rosenberg, 1976]

Character: Raoul Estedes

Nose: Real

The nose (and beard and hair) are real, but the eyebrows are disturbingly tiny. 

~

The Muppet Movie [d: James Frawley, 1979]

Character: Lew Lord

Nose: Real

One of Orson’s shortest and best cameos, in a film that is the opposite of rubbish (although it’s not my fave Muppet film, that’s The Great Muppet Caper, shout out to Charles Grodin for being fucking amazing in it).

~

The Secret of Nikolai Tesla [d: Krsto Papic, 1980]

Character: J.P. Morgan

Nose: Real

Orson’s final real-person film role, in a Yugoslavian film about Tesla. He gets to sit in a fancy chair (can you tell I have not watched this film properly, give me a break, the eighties are hard work). 

~

Butterfly [d: Matt Cimber, 1982]

Character: Judge Rauch

Nose: Real

Excellent hair work from Orson here. This film got ten nominations at the ‘82 Razzies. I leave you to decide if it’s worth watching.

~

Where is Parsifal? [d: Henri Helman, 1984]

Character: Klingsor

Nose: Real

This is all I have, apart from the fact that this film also stars Tony Curtis and Donald Pleasence, has never had a vhs or dvd release, and Orson plays a gypsy. Yeah. 

~

Hot Money [d: Zale Magder, 1985]

Character: Sheriff Paisley

Nose: Real

I don’t even have anything to say apart from that is an authentic 80s glasses choice there, Orson. 

~

Someone To Love [d: Henry Jaglom, 1987]

Character: Danny’s Friend

Nose: Real

Posthumously released, and never mentioned (how many times have you heard that Orson’s last role was in The Transformers Movie? - this was produced before but released after that). It’s not a great swan song, but then, Orson was always going on to the next thing, and was also never one to be precious about these things. All these last films were making him money so he could make another film (or finish The Other Side of the Wind, or get another start on Quixote). 

SO! The 70s and 80s total is real 13 : 4 fake bringing the grand total up to real 35 : 35 fake NO FUCKING WAY IT’S A DRAW! I did not expect that. 

At the time he made his wild claim he was at real 11 : 10 fake which was far more representative than I thought it would be of the total. 

WOW. It’s finally the end. It’s been a joy, a trial, a moving and frustrating experience. I’ve watched films I wouldn’t have watched, I’ve scrolled through films I will never watch, and I still - after all this - fucking love Orson like no-one else. 

And now I can go back and start again with my faves.

[grapsandclaps]

GRAPS AND CLAPS REVIEWS - FUTURESHOCK WRESTLING'S 14TH ANNIVERSARY

The decision from PCW and FutureShock to hold anniversary shows on the same night gave your regular correspondent, Andrew Ogden, a decision to make. With his massive hands deciding to head to Preston, he needed someone to report from Manchester as we needed to make sure both shows got their deserved place in the spotlight.

Hands up, I’ve only been going to independent wrestling shows since February, but the bug has bitten me bad and loving every second of being part of a wonderful community. Anyways… on with the show.

After a last minute change of plans, my wife, who two months ago called wrestling 'rubbish', asked if she could join me in Prestwich for FutureShock's 14th anniversary show in the Longfield Suite. She had come along to FS’s Tapped show in Manchester, mostly for the food and alcohol, but was won over by the awesome show. Declaring it “not as bad as I thought it would be” I knew she’d be back.

It goes to show the power and appeal of professional wrestling, changing someone's staunch opinion in just one show.

Normally your resident reporter would bring you opinions and prices of the local beer options, but sadly I'm off alcohol as I try to make myself ineligible for Progress’ Atlas division. However, we did enjoy a car picnic with a medley of goodies from M&S. I recommend bringing some hot sauce if you have the harissa chicken.

After meeting the rest of the graps gang, including Taff and Davie, fellow founder members of the #CyanideSection/#CraterMates we headed inside for the show.

First up was Delicious Danny Hope taking on Alex Boylin, joined by Rizwan Khan at ringside. After one shenanigan too many, Ref Pete had enough and sent him to the back. Danny used the distraction to his advantage and hit a tassel powered superkick to pick up the pin fall.

After stealing the show at Tapped last month and the unfortunate injury to Lykos ruling out CCK in the previously announced tag match, the impressive Young Guns were handed a No.1 contenders match against the Sexy Gents.

This was another wonderful back and forward match, but turned on its head when John McGregor tagged himself in just as Kev Lloyd had gained the upper hand. Not the first time the Gents have shown signs of discontent and they were made to pay.

Ethan Allen took Kev out of the game on the outside and just as Luke Jacobs managed to counter Kev’s guillotine choke his partner jumped from the top rope and hit a codebreaker/doomsday device double team. Fantastic finish from two excellent teams and the Young Guns will get a chance at Tyson T-Bone and Chris Ridgeway’s tag team titles.

Kev after the match said 'Him and John can't go on anymore' and walked off into the night with The Sexy Gents looking finished. Leaving ONLY JOHN in the ring 😭😭😭

Next, it was the match which has been building since JJ Webb first fought Deadly Damon Leigh in the same building back in February. After multiple encounters, it was brought to a head at Tapped when JJ had to save Chris Egan with DDL standing over him holding a steel chair.

This would be no ordinary singles match, oh no, this is a ‘loser wears a Chicken Suit match’. Built on the emergence of the Chicken Section following a ‘All Bins Are Legal’ tie which saw DDL dressed in KFC buckets.

DDL worked extremely hard to ignore the chicken chants, you could see the focus and the determination, the man from Stratford channeling his inner Colonel to stay calm. JJ should have had the three count after he planted DDL face first on the mat, but in the subsequent move, he had knocked out referee Fitzgerald into the corner.

Pete ran to the ring, but rather than start the count, he went to see to his colleague, giving DDL a chance to recover and hit Stockport’s finest with a low blow. Pete counted to three and the crowd were left disappointed… until Fitzgerald got back to his senses and informed our compere, Matt Taylor Richards, what he’d seen. The match would restart.

Both had their opportunities to finish it off, but JJ bounced off the ropes and hit a spinning clothesline to earn the 1, 2, 3, leaving DDL stunned and left to ponder his destiny, wearing the chicken suit.

The first of three title matches would take place before the interval, an eight-man scramble match for the Adrenaline title. Champion Sam Bailey would take on Wolfgang, Chris Ridgeway, Callum Corrie, Joey Hayes, Chris Egan, and Chris Brookes. The man holding the pin-fall after 15 minutes would leave Prestwich with the belt.

The first pin went to the exciting high-flying talents of Corrie, but like going 1-0 up after five minutes away from home, it was too early. Egan, after a couple of excellent spots, including when he avoided being drop-kicked by all six men at the same time, pinned Golfwang, sorry Wolfgang with eight minutes to go.

Everyone got their chance to lift the belt, Brookes made Ridgeway tap with a reverse figure four type move - apologies for not knowing names of moves, it looked very uncomfortable. Then, much to the disappointment of the crowd, Bailey put himself in the driving seat when he took advantage of the chaos to pin Brookes.

The clock ticked down and Hayes hit cutter after cutter, trying to find space to hit the winning blow, then with time winding down and the FutureShock faithful counting down from 10, the man who won the belt in Stockport Town Hall hit one last cutter - outta nowhere - on Bailey and the referees hand hit three with just 1 second on the clock.

AND NEW… a crazy, but fantastic match. Everyone hit their spots and Joey took full advantage at the perfect moment to regain the belt he lost from Bailey.

During the break, as he was contractually obliged, Damon Leigh came out to the ring wearing his chicken suit and the paying crowd were able to get their picture taken with DDL and Webb. An opportunity not to be missed.

Interval over, we were on to our second title match, an adrenaline rush rumble match for the woman’s title. Ten entrants, starting with two competitors in the ring, elimination only when both feet hit the floor and you go over the top rope.

Kasey Owens from the Queen Bees started in the ring with Alexis Falcon, but it became a numbers game when fellow QB member Jayla Dark joined next. The double team was too much for Alexis and she was thrown out. Taonga and FS favourite Lana Austin were next in, the former wasn’t able to make much of an impact before being eliminated.

Shax came and went, apart from a nice spot when she was caught by Gerald on the outside and he placed her back ring, she wasn’t able to offer much in the way of offence. Molly Spartan came in seventh, giving the Queen Bees the advantage. Newby Hollie came and went, with just enough time for one “Hollie, Hollie, Hollie, Oi, Oi, Oi” chant.

Viper entered the fray, taking over and supply each of the QBs with a cannonball in the corner, but the numbers game would come into play and it took all three ladies to lift the Megaton Barbie up onto Molly Spartan’s shoulders and deliver a devastating powerbomb.

I can’t condone this Scottish on Scottish crime, but after dumping Viper over the top rope, it was going to take a miracle to stop FutureShock’s power trio.

After Viper’s exit, Molly made the shook move to throw stablemate Jayla Dark over the top rope - still not sure why, more to come on that I think. Toni Storm entered last, but couldn’t stop Austin meeting her fate, leaving the Mae Young classic participant two on one against the Bees. However, quick thinking led her move out of Spartan’s way and the champion smashed into Kasey on the apron, eliminating her other comrade, this time by accident.

It would be Toni against Molly in a singles match for the belt, but Owens jumped back in, only to be met by Toni’s piledriver, but it gave Molly the gap she needed, hitting Toni with a devastating spear and picking up the hard-fought victory.

Overall a good match, but quite a few of the spots and decisions of when and how to eliminate people seemed strange. Great potential, but could have been better. There may be reasons behind it, but expected more from Viper and Lana. There seemed no point in having Taonga and Shax in the match at all.

Before the main event, and the raffle, Big Joe came out to the ring with Thomas Wolfe with something to get off his massive chest. After a typical warm welcome from the FS crowd and plenty of chants including the words ‘small’, ‘tiny’ and ‘how far away are you?’ Joe was able to issue his Little Man Challenge.

He wanted to challenge someone who had been a FutureShock staple since day one, a legend, a wrestling icon… he wanted MATT TAYLOR RICHARDS. The compere with no compare wasn’t keen, retired from in-ring competition, but the big man wouldn’t take no for an answer. Lifting MTR into the air, although he can bench over four times his own body-weight, it turns out that still isn’t much and he crumbled under the power of Richards and the prettiest man in the North West pinned Joe for the victory.

In an amazing turn of events I then won the raffle, two tickets to FutureShock’s show in Stockport on September 16th, two days before my birthday. What a result, make sure you check out their website for all future shows.

Time for the main event. Mask versus Title. Ashton Smith, the champ, against the Colossus, Cyanide. WWE v WoS. A match fitting for the anniversary.

Both men didn’t disappoint. Smith used speed and intelligence to try and gain the upper-hand, but the challenger had power on his side. But every time you thought the champ was down and out, he’d bounce back, eventually lifting all 36-stone of Cyanide on to his shoulders to deliver and earth-shattering samoan drop, the same move which saw him beat the big man in Stockport Town Hall.

This time Cyanide was smart and rolled out of the ring to escape the three-count, Ashton would get the crowd on their feet when he followed it up with a hurricanrana which sent his opponent into the ring post.

Just beating the 10-count with milliseconds to go, Cyanide was back in the ring and once on his feet he finally hit Smith with a chokeslam, razor’s edge and followed it up with a huge splash - the tremors reportedly felt as far away as Rochdale. Covering the champ, there was no response and Cyanide confirmed, monsters are real.

Belt in the air, FutureShock has a new champion and it is going to take something special to stop him.

Flanked by Henry T Grodd and Noah through his reign of terror, it seems like the champion wants to go it alone, laying out Noah was a thunderous chokeslam. Grodd teased going into the ring, but saw sense, instead helping his tag-partner to the back.

Two new champions, new number one contenders and a show that will live long in the memory. There were few down points, every big match hit all right spots and everyone, except Damon Leigh, will have gone home happy.

Six months ago I watched my first independent show in the same building, and now I am truly hooked and even my wrestling hating wife has been converted. That is the power of the British wrestling scene and it feels like a privilege to be part of it.

FutureShock returns to Stockport on September 16th, and then to Fairfield Social Club on September 23rd, were Pete Dunne will put his WWE UK title on the line at Tapped 2. Buy tickets NOW and check out FutureShock on demand to watch this show when it’s up.