#Meg Overthinks everything too

[mad--sad--bad]

My love too much

Your love not enough

[aloesarchives]

Birthday Special(JJK Oneshot)

TW/Warnings: Domesticity, AFAB/Female Reader, Family life, Slight self-coded Fem!Reader

Pairing: Toji Fushiguro x Fem!Reader

Pronouns: She/Her, Mom/Mama (Though no physical description, reader had some self-coded elements)

Word count: 1.5k words

Decided to write something because today is my birthday(May 3rd)! And I'm officially 21! Thank you all for you love and support for the past 7 months of me writing for JJK! Also, this is the Valentine's day I referred to.

“Papa, you’re thinking too hard about this. You know Mama doesn’t ask for much.”

“Yeah, Dad. It shouldn’t be hard to get mom a present. Remember that full-size green tea hand and body lotion you got her? She was way too happy about it and was on the verge of crying happy tears.”

Toji sighs as his kids are behind him trying to ease his stress. Once again, like Valentine’s day, he was struggling to get a present for you. But this time, the stakes are higher because today is your birthday. Not some holiday Toji remembers because it’s one of the many times of the year capitalism does a complete take over for the sake of consumerism, which he can never avoid every time he goes out.

Though his kids have a point, he always wanted to do or get something for you. While you do the occasional mall shopping, it wasn’t often. Maybe once a month if lucky. This always posses a problem for the three because you were the best gifter in the family. Knowing what to give to anyone but only hinting at minute items. Thus having to think outside of the box or really watch your eyes latch onto anything longer than seven seconds. 

Megumi and Tsumiki don’t blame Toji for struggling since your demands weren’t demands but rather promises. You have been nothing but good to Toji for almost two decades. Something Toji knows many people take something like that for granted. Unfortunately, becomes terrifying to know how easily many fall under a dark spell. And Toji fears himself on certain days for not giving what you deserved.

“I know, Megumi. But your mother deserves nice things for herself. She still wears the necklace I gave her when you two were young. That’s almost ten years. Now, you both do some scooping while watching the time. We have to get the cake at 3:45pm.”

The siblings looked at each other before shaking their heads in helping their father’s hunt for a perfect present. They looked around the vast sea of stores to give themselves for any ideas. They were overthinking this whole process because every idea was shot down at the reality that you did have everything you ever wanted.

You have everything you ever wanted is what you always said to them.

Perhaps there’s something else they can give you that reminds of that. The lightbulb above Tsumiki’s head went off as she asked Toji the jewelry store he got the necklace from. He becomes curious as she scans the windows for something until stopping and pointing. Toji and Megumi look over to a display of multiple charm bracelets. 

“If Mama has the necklace with us in it, why can’t she get a matching bracelet to go along with it? She doesn’t have one that does.”

Now, Toji and Megumi were seeing Tsumiki’s vision.

“Good eye, kiddo. Shame on me for not thinking about that sooner.”

Toji lets Tsumiki handle the bracelet creation, occasionally having him and Megumi to be on the same page. Once finalized, Toji goes to fish his wallet for his card to give to Tsumiki to pay. After printing the receipt, the lady gives the card back but it ends up dropping onto the marble counter. Megumi cringes at the metallic clanging it made so he grabs it for Tsumiki to give back to his dad. Everyone in the store glances over at them as Toji puts the card away. Megumi raises a brow at his father because Toji had a smirk plastered on his lips.

“Why are you smirking?”

Toji pockets his hands as he looks at him.

“Don’t worry about it, Megs. Just know there aren't a lot of people with metal credit cards. Anyway, we gotta get movin’ because we need to pick up your Mama’s birthday cake and food for dinner.”

Tsumiki joins them as they head off to finish birthday shopping. Once getting home, they set up everything for you to come home to. By the time you come home, they’re done. Making your presence known, you relax into your humble abode. You walked yourself into the kitchen to see what your family has set up for you.

“Happy Birthday, Mom!”

You're greeted by a hug from each of your kids. Chuckling at the surprise they always seem to do when the day is about you. You hold them close and kiss their foreheads as their hugs re-energize you. Once parting, they made way for their father as your husband stands over you. Holding that dumb grin that you fell in love with over these years.

“Happy Birthday, Doll~.”

Giving a forehead kiss of his own, he holds you ever so softly but with the affectionate firmness. You giggled at how Toji is when it comes to physical touch. He can’t seem to get enough of it. Before eating dinner, you wanted to blow out the candles so they could eat the cake afterwards. The kids say their part and end with “We love you, Mom. Always.” Toji cracks a joke that always makes Megumi roll his eyes before getting into his own sentimental speech.

“Thank you for spending almost 20 years of your life with me. Happy Birthday, (Y/N).”

Ugh, and that softness he had at the end. Made you want to kiss him with all the love and warmth. You thought it’s time to eat dinner when Toji pulls out a small pink bag and places it in front of you. Surprised, you looked around at your family.

“What’s this, guys?”

“It’s for you, Mama. From us.”

Though curious, you smiled as you looked into the bag and pulled out a small box. Upon opening it, you couldn’t stop the smile that took over. There, in the box, was a silver charm snake chain bracelet with a small (F/C) gem at the center of a beautiful silver heart charm. But that’s not make you smile. It came from when your eyes landed on the other three charms attached to the bracelet. Two of those were dangling charms, one of an elegant flower and the other of a small silver puppy. The other charm was a clip-on with the colors of dark blue and black. You recognized them to represent the three that ultimately fulfilled the word “family” for you. 

The flower is Tsumiki as it was her favorite color, the puppy was obviously Megumi, and the last one is Toji for sure. Your smile began to painfully pull at your lips because you realized Toji’s charm closely resembles his wedding ring. Clasping the bracelet on your wrist, you admired how it looked on you.

“It was the kids’ idea to do this. I just paid for it, Hon.”

You knew Toji’s lying but didn't have it in you to call him out. This gift was just too perfect. You go over to give your motherly affection to thank Megumi and Tsumiki, your two children that gave meaning to your motherhood. Once having enough, you go over to Toji. The man you undoubtedly cherish and completely devote yourself to, your husband and your other half. You hug Toji lovingly, taking in his warmth and presence. Nothing in this world brings you comfort and ease than the man you choose to love never made you regret giving your heart and soul to.

Toji just chuckles with his signature grin, returning the hug with the same amount of affection. Yet your children can see the adoration and tenderness in his eyes, knowing full well he never looked at anyone that way because you’re the only one to bring it out of him. Looking up at your Toji, your gaze softens but your smile still holds its homeyness. He stares down at you before he leans in for a kiss you gladly accept. Even Megumi smiles with his sister while watching their parents express their love for one another, seeing them pull away from the kiss.

“They’re truly your kids since they always knew how to give me gifts. It goes with my necklace now. Thank you for this.” Saying as you smile up at him.

“Ah~, they knew because they have  good eyes. Just like their mama. Happy Birthday, (Y/N). Thank you for your love…and thank you for being you.”

The absolute tender affirmation was unlike any other. Though your birthday was a reminder of how many years you’ve been on here, it also serves as a reminder of your milestones over the years. Looking at your life, you got the best out of it. A family of your own and the love from someone who’s been with you through it all. As you tell Megumi and Tsumiki to go ahead and eat, you lock eyes with Toji. Both filled with a love no one can feel except the two of you. Toji hugs you close from behind as you interlace your hands into his, feeling your bracelet pressed up against him. Gazing upon Megumi and Tsumiki, both of your creations born out of each other’s unmatched love for one another.

This will be added into one of your many best birthdays you had.

Tags w/ links:

@luqueam @ploylulla @tqd4455 @wolywolymoley @captainbabybear @ravenswife

Tags w/o links:

@szillx @SleppyAnn @g0th1xac1d @kneelarhmstrung

Taglist form Here!

[animehideout]

Quick question, may I request? If not, just ignore this<3

💙Random recommended song💙

I already mentioned this in my latest post but anyway, I did an optional homework and got the best grade and in the beginning I felt lowly about my work but after getting the grade I felt so much better about it and myself too.

The problem is that lately I started to get into writing again but can't find the time suddenly. Aaaaand I wanted to kind of celebrate this (I mean that the teacher seemed to like my poem) even tho it isn't a big deal but feels like it and oh God I feel like a lil child :')

Sooo may I request a Magumi x reader fluff, where the reader and Megumi are just chilling together when the reader get a notification saying she got a good grade and they get so emotional that they try to hold back tears, but Megumi senses the sudden change and ask if they are alright? The reader trying the brush it off that "Oh it's nothing special or worth mentioning, just got the best grade on the optional homework we got. Can't believe the teacher liked my poem..." 'Poem-?' Megumi thinks as he heard the last words. He maybe didn't even have a clue that the reader was into poetry and/or that they wrote any, so by hearing this he wanted to read it, but overthinking a bit, he decided on not asking them, even though maybe he should have. But it's late, he waited till they fell asleep and then quietly got up from bed to go and look for their exercise book and read it. After he read it, he puts the book on the reader's desk or somewhere else, not minding to put it back to it's actual place because he plans on telling them his opinion, how much they likes it as well and je would be interested in seeing more of their work. Maybeeee the reader confesses that they've been into poetry for a time now and shows Megumi all of the poems they've written while telling Meg' why they like some of their poems and why they have a few problems with some, then there's Megumi reading them with intrest. Maybe Megumi having a soft spot for poetry IDK BUT NOW I JUST REALIZED THAT BY WRITING THIS REQUEST I COULD HAVE EASILY JUST WRITE THE FANFIC ALREADY TT My bad :')

Anyway, catching up with your lates Gojo posts soon!

-Megan🩵

Huggie :3🎀

Megumi Fushiguro X Poet /Artistic Reader

Synopsis: Megumi discovers his partner's talent in writing poems.

a/n: Thank you @megan016 for this request, also CONGRATS for getting the best grade, you did great sweetheart and I'm proud of you 💗. Also I can't wait to read more of your poems and the translated ver. Keep it up. I hope you like this little oneshot tho♡.

Check @megan016 poem here ( I liked it and I had to share it, you are so talented 💌 )

As the soft glow of the TV illuminated the room, you sat in your boyfriend's arms, Megumi. Engrossed in the movie that was displayed in front of you. The atmosphere was light, filled with soft hums as Megumi played with your hair. The rainy weather outside, added to the coziness.

Suddenly, you phone chimed with a notification. Curious, you picked it up, unlocking it to reveal a message from your school,

{ Dear Y/N, Congratulations, your poem received the best grade. We appreciate your hard work. }.

Your eyes scanned the words, a wave of joy and surprise washed over you even though it was an optional homework the fact that your poem that came from your creativity, that each line you wrote carried within it a deeper feeling and meaning got a proper appreciation from your teacher was able to bring you to happy tears.

Your heart swelled with happiness while clutching your phone tightly, Megumi sensed how your body tensed between his arms.

"Love, is everything okay?" he asked.

Realizing that you haven't told him yet about your passion for poetry, you tried to hide your excitement and brush it off,

"Oh, y-yes I'm fine! it's nothing, just my poem got the best grade in class! Can't believe my teacher actually liked it hehe.." you chuckled awkwardly, trying to act normal as if you weren't holding back your tears from how delighted and proud you were.

"Poem?!" Thought Megumi to himself "I didn't know she's into poetry"

"But yeah– it's nothing special, not a big deal tho, it was just an optional homework" you added bringing him back to reality

"Oh.. I see you did great love congrats" said Megumi kissing the top of your head.

He senses how you were avoiding talking about your poem, so he respected it and just congratulated you he was completely oblivious to the whirlwind of emotions you were suppressing he thought you really wasn't that excited. Deep down, Megumi couldn't brush away the curiosity that grew inside of him, he was interested in reading books, poems and articles so having a partner that happened to write poems excited him to the core.

As the night proceeded, you dozed off beside him. Closing your eyelids, swimming in Dreamland. Sleeping nice and sound, feeling protected with the warm presence of Megumi. He watched you as you slept next to him, smiling to himself as your whole hand cutely held his index finger. Your hand size difference has always brought a smile on his face.

Suddenly, his eyes widened when he remembered about the poem, his eyes scanned the room and finally fell on your exercise book that was innocently put on your desk. Too intrigued by the unexpected revelation of your poetic talent, he couldn't resist the urge to delve into your world of words.

Trying to not disturb your beauty slumber he tiptoed to your desk, gently opening the book , carefully flipping the pages until he found your poem of 14 stanzas.

He was too excited to read it, to read between the lines and analyze the deeper meaning it held. Line after line, he found himself utterly captivated by the beauty of your expressions, the smart choice of words, adjectives and the Poetic elegance that adorned your stanzas. It left him completely speechless, realizing that the love of his life is indeed talented and creative.

"And she said it's not a big deal??" he muttered to himself as his eyes shifted back on your sleeping figure.

He wanted to flip the pages to read more of your writings, to check your other copy books but he resisted that urge, respecting your privacy and deciding to wait till morning to ask you properly about your passion for poetry.

He laid down next to you, eager for tomorrow to discuss with you what now happened to be a mutual passion; while you were interested in writing poems, Megumi was interested in reading, them showing that both of you complete each other.

His arms pulled you closer to his body holding you,

"I'm proud of you my love" he said before dozing off.

As the morning light filtered through the curtains, your eyelids fluttered into consciousness. Megumi was already awake, laying on his back, one arm behind his head as his eyes were fixated on the ceiling. As he felt you shifting beside him his gaze turned to you, greeting you with a warm smile.

"Hey sleepyhead, want to tell me about those poems of yours? I had no idea you're poetic genius!!" he exclaimed softly,

You were still half awake, taken by surprise you quickly got into a sitting position,

"You read them??" you asked.

"Not all of them!! only that one in your exercise book! Now I know why it got the best grade" he said enthusiastically.

It was rare for you to see Megumi full of energy early in the morning, so you couldn't help but smile from how much he was interested in your poems. Encouraged by his genuine reaction you started to open up, confessing that you've been into poetry for a while now.

"So? want to show me the rest?" he asked.

Without saying anything, you jumped out of bed. The cold floor touching your bare feet sent shivers down your spine. You quickly grabbed your notebooks and ran back to bed, getting under the warm blanket next to Megumi again, you got closer to him.

"Here they are" you said with a smile.

Anticipating his reactions every time he read one of your poems, the way he read the lines you wrote with passion and care warmed your heart, as if what you write was meant for him to read. The curious expressions drawn on his face whenever he tried to guess the real meaning of your words made you giggle.

After reading most of your poems he engulfed you into a big hug,

"Those poems are amazing Y/n!! I can't wait for more from you. So tell me what inspires you the most? what is your motivation?" he asked too immersed to know more.

A blush painted your cheeks and with a shy smile you answered "Y-you! You do inspire some verses"

"Guess I'm a muse now" he teased playfully trying to hide the fact that he got shy as well.

"Exactly" you giggled.

"What are the difficulties you face while writing though?"

"Most of the time me trying to channel my feelings into words, sometimes certain feelings that I want to write about can't be described by simple words so that's quite a challenge and it takes a lot of effort or sometimes I struggle with motivation even though I do have a lot of accumulated ideas that are waiting to be written" you explained.

You spent the morning cuddled up in your soft bed, sharing ideas and soft random kisses every now and then, exchanging soft touches. Sitting between Megumi's legs as he held your notebooks and continued to loudly read the rest of your poems.

"I love this one Y/n !! Wait is it about us??"

Megumi was too happy to be in that specific moment with you; the moment that definitely inspired you to write another poem that will carry those feelings between both of you forever.

[yana125]

9, 15, 36 and 45 for the fanfic ask please

Hi! ^^

9. What are the best things about your current fandom? Fuh… I'm really into the Hades games right now (I'm only watching playthroughs though). And the fanarts are absolutely amazing. There are so many talented people, it's insane.

15. Is there an obscure ship which you love? I watched the Final Fantasy Remake playthroughs and I kinda started to like Cloud and Biggs. But it's so obscure not even FF.net has many fics about them and it's just devestating.

36. What’s your favourite genre to write? Fantasy, mainly, but I like writing 'slice of life' kind of stories too. I'm intimidated by sci-fi and crime to even try those. (I'm not that smart to just come up with smart things, and I kinda overthink everything if I do research.)

45. What is your all time favourite fanfic? Okay, so I don't have an overall favourite, I have one favourite in almost every fandom. So a few: Buy You A Mockingbird by jadedoll (Marvel) (It doesn't have the fanart anymore! D':) Crepuscular Rays by Axe_puff (Naruto) (I can't tell you how many times I reread this one) The Goldenrod Revisions by aethylas (Supernatural) (fix-it rewrite script-format)

Valamint egyszer régen egy magyar anime oldalon olvastam egy Digimon fic-et, amiben valamilyen formában MINDENKI meghal, én meg naív kis tizenx évesként nem is tudtam mi vár rám abban a fic-ben és telebőgtem egy csomag zsebkendőt, és már nem emlékszem pontosan mi történt abban a fic-ben, de baromi mély nyomokat hagyott bennem X'D Nem tudom, hogy lehet-e ezt 'all time favourite'-nek hívni, de egy all time élmény volt X'D

[trashlie]

kousuke.exe not only stopped working but was unable to process the input and was glitching and malfunctioning the entire night lmaooo sigh. i want to remain hopeful that this night will spark at least some kind of change in him despite yui doing yui things… but we'll see.

speaking of yu jing, do you think rand has assured her some kind of protection from yui once the article comes out? yu jing must be aware of how risky all this is. is she prepared for when yui seeks her revenge? idk maybe i'm overthinking this because i'm from a country where journalists get killed all the time, but i still wonder what makes yu jing so brave. what is, to her, worth making an enemy of yui? is it really just righteousness? i'm lowkey really scared for her tbh but ahh i can't wait til we get to the article.

aahhh i'm glad the romance is giving you everything you want!!! it may not be my personal focus but i do enjoy the romance in ily a lot. slowly learning about all the ways shinae and nol are delicately interwoven has been a delight. it adds so much to the story and i can see their romance blooming into something very beautiful! and please, i'm looking forward to you talking about them in more detail when/if you have the time <3

…..actually, thinking about it, maybe "devotion" wasn't the word i was looking for 😅 sorry, i'm not a native speaker so i wasn't aware the religious connotations were so strong. but i really like your interpretation, and it was very kind of you to not dismiss it! i guess i was looking for something stronger and more emotional than "loyalty". because to me, shinae's actions read not only as "you were a good friend to me so i'll be a good friend to you", but also as "you mean a lot to me and i don't want to lose you". idk if there is even a word that captures this?

and not to get too analytical but i find it interesting to compare nol to minhyuk in that aspect. maybe you will disagree but imo shinae's actions aren't necessarily romantic. i believe she'd be just as affected and do the same things if it was minhyuk, who is similarly meaningful to her. except with nol, there is a different layer to it. there is the soulmateism she isn't aware of (yet), but she IS aware of her heart thumping and not being able to hold his gaze, there's also the change in his behavior, and her attraction to rand which she still has to unpack (it's not just for comedic effect it's obvious she's projecting lol) and i cannot wait for her to do the math and realize what's happening lmao it will likely take her some time but that's fine. she'll get there 👍 and yes yes yes after everything these two (and kousuke too) have been through all i want is a happy ending whatever that may look like 🥺 and therapy for all of them. maybe they can get a group discount /j

-lil anon 😼

That is a REALLY good point about Yujing. It's partly why I do believe this piece she's working on started with her friend at the root - it HAS to be worth risking her career and potentially life. Yujing surely knows the risks she's taking. I remember at the beginning of 151 she tells her friend that what she's working on might take several years, but that it's something her friend would be very interested in. If Manli is the friend Yujing has that was sa'd, then it would give her a reason to chase the story, I think. Once she finds out Nol pled guilty, though, she calls her mysterious contact and the story that once was seemed like it would take years suddenly has only the amount of time as Nol's sentencing.

Isn't that interesting? I still am not entirely sure what to make of it. Clearly everyone expected Nol to plead not guilty, for the trial proceedings to take place, for Shinae to give her testimony. Also something that stands out to me - Meg was told her testimony wasn't needed, that it wouldn't matter if she testified anyway because it'd get thrown out and before Nol could get much more out of her, Yui appeared. Not so subtle, right?

That's a small tangent lol but the point is: yes, I think that this is an important story to Yujing, not just for her journalistic integrity, but for something more personal. Vindication for a friend? For multiple friends? Because while I don't know if Yujing is aware of the full extent of how Yui has raised Kousuke, I think she knows enough to sense otherwise. She was disappointed to find that Kousuke hadn't changed, much like Nol is disappointed he hasn't changed - in a way, they've been rooting for him to come to the conclusion we have, right? They've been waiting for him to really comprehend the full scope of his life the who his mother is.

Another interesting thing is that Yui absolutely tries to play her tricks with Yujing, to put on that maternal mask, but Yujing doesn't even bother entertaining her. Also, that day that she was interviewing Nol, Yujing wrapped up with Yui's entrance. She definitely has an inkling that Yui's presence would compromise Nol's responses and make him uncomfortable, and she could probably deduce that was exactly what Yui was hoping for, to meddle more than she already had.

And that comes to another point about Yui. She notes that what she's doing with Nol is below her paygrade and she's doing it as a favor to Rand, but I have to wonder if it wasn't rather self-serving. Nol's drug-related charges link right back to Yui, and we have enough to deduce that this isn't the first time Yui has provided such drugs. If you haven't read this post yet, please do! It poses an interesting link between Kousuke's college incident and Yui providing drugs.

All this to say: I think the story must be very important to Yujing for her to tackle it, knowing who Yui Hirahara is and what she's capable of. But it also leaves us wondering what kind of protection can Rand even provide? He couldn't protect Nol. He couldn't protect Kousuke, though perhaps he was just too late. He can't even really do much to protect himself. And the way the judge managing Nol's case just so happened to retire? We know she pulled some kind of strings, intimidated someone, something. She has so much power and we don't even know the extent of it all. So. What kind of protection can Rand even afford her?

But yes, I do worry about the outcome of this story, even though I also look forward to it. It feels like it will end up being a bombshell in a lot of ways. I also wonder about how the setting of ILY plays into this. In the past, quimchee has referred to it as the United States of Korea - not quite Korea, definitely not America, but as the story has unfolded and characters have gone to and from America, England, Ireland, Japan, does that mean we definitively are set in Korea - and if yes are we following Korean laws? Libel and slander in Korea are a big deal - you could sue someone for running a story defaming you, even if they reported the truth! And again, with the contacts Yui seems to have, I have to wonder what her reach is.

I guess that's what makes Yujing seem like such a cool and formidable character. I want to know what she knows lol i want to know what her angle is. Also while I'm talking about her, here's something interesting I just noticed. Yujing spoke of Kousuke and Nol with familiarity when she interrupted their fancy meal. She said that it was a surprise to see them getting along enough to eat because the atmosphere would be hostile whenever they were in the same room together. There's also that history between her and Nol and her dog Senator. It raises some questions - when has Yujing been around them together? Especially because of the way Yui played dumb about her; it could be an act altogether, asking if they went to university together full well knowing it's so.

Also one other thing while I'm on this subject lol. The morning that Yujing saw on the news Nol pleaded guilty, she was going through a news story about an altercation between Nol and Kousuke. Without knowing the angle of her story, I wasn't sure what this had to do with what she's working on - sure the framing of Nol as a bad person plays into it, but also - during his interview with Yujing, before it got cut off, he says to her "It's not the first time the truth has been twisted in the media to fit a narrative". Is he speaking about that article, the one that frames him as the aggressor? Is that the one Kousuke has that fabricated memory of? Ahhhhhhh the more I think about what Yujing is working on the more desperate I become to read it!

and please, i'm looking forward to you talking about them in more detail when/if you have the time <3

This will definitely be coming hopefully soon! It's just something that's been on my mind as I reread lol. Like you said, it's very delicately woven! For me, there's something about watching two characters really come to matter to each other; it's not something I feel like I'm good at writing myself, but it's something that just really gets to me. I'm definitely ILY for the story and learning about their pasts, and seeing what will come of everyone, but the possibility of romance is just the icing on the cake, tbh! I really enjoy scenes where we get to see Shinae be honest, and we tend to get those when Nol is involved lol. (But also while looking at some earlier chapters I got weirdly emotional re-reading Yujing and Shinae's first meeting at the mall, when she helped pick out clothes that flatter her and Shinae asked if it was weird or wrong to favor comfort over style and Yujing reassured her it's not. idk it was a nice little moment, Shinae deserves all the reassurance!)

But I definitely get what you mean! I think devotion DOES work - frankly I'm not a particularly religious person I think of devotion as lol one of those foundations for a lasting marriage/partnership lmao. And I don't think it necessarily needs to be seen as a romantic thing, either! I just enjoy the religious imagery of it because it makes it feel somehow... idk, transcendent? Since right, it's a stronger word that loyalty is! And I do agree that her devotion, her dedication, her insistence on being there itself is not inherently romantic, which is what I love about it!

Idk how to explain this so please bare with me lol. It's like... to me romance isn't a raging forest fire, because eventually that kind of fire will just. Burn up and one day all that will be left is ash. It burns hot and strong and it's passionate, until there's nothing left. But a steady burning flame? Something that isn't so extreme, isn't so magnificent? But it's steady and constant, it's reassuring. You can trust it to continue. Sure a candle will eventually burn itself out but it's not like that wildfire that just burns and consumes until there's nothing left.

So when it comes to romance and things that seem otherwise mundane, I love it SO MUCH. Because I think it really plays into that narrative of how do you even define platonic vs romantic love? Shinae could very well have the most platonic feelings about Nol and still want to sit by his bed and keep watch over him, to make sure he's okay, to make sure he doesn't go out of her sight again. She absolutely would do the same thing for Minhyuk, someone we know is one of the most important people to her outside of her family. She did it as much as she could for her father when he was in that same position, too.

there is the soulmateism she isn't aware of (yet), but she IS aware of her heart thumping and not being able to hold his gaze, there's also the change in his behavior, and her attraction to rand which she still has to unpack (it's not just for comedic effect it's obvious she's projecting lol) and i cannot wait for her to do the math and realize what's happening lmao

THE BIG DUMB SMILE THAT GREW ON MY FACE WHILE READING IT because that's it THAT'S EXACTLY IT lol that's why it just GETS to me! Because she WOULD do this for any other person she loves, anyone else who is important to her, but this isn't any other person, it's him, and it's the way she can't hold his gaze, it's their tendency to lean towards each other (metaphorically or literally), it's the way he's let his defenses down a little more than she's used to, it's the way he's acting on something she once upon a time thought he was and told him not to but now she's not so concerned about crossing that line. In fact, that's BEEN going on! She went from telling him not to be too familiar with her lest he make his girlfriend mad at him waaaaaaay back before the formal to LMAO holding his dumb hands because it brings her comfort so she assumes it will do the same for him. It's all those little things!!!!!!!!

I, too, am waiting for her to have that realization that this version of Nol, this side of him he's shown her, that intensity, is SO much like Rand LMAO. I fully agree - that was not simply for comedic affect LMAO that was a little seed planted (although, hands down, the conversation Nol and Kousuke have following that is one of my FAVORITE scenes. There's something about the way Nol is just. Talking to Kousuke like maybe they don't hate each other and maybe they aren't at each others' throats all the time, casually noting that sure he finds Dieter's mom hot but is he going to SAY so and Kousuke just like PLEASE SHUT UP THIS IS SO UNCOMFORTABLE such a FUNNY scene lmao).

BUT ANYWAY YEAH IT'S EXACTLY THAT!!!!!!! I love love that isn't grand and overstated. Like, that's fine and I definitely can enjoy a really grand gesture, they're fun to read! But I love the kind of love that blooms from a seed that was planted long ago and maybe you didn't even realize you were nurturing it but eventually it grows and will bloom and that bud has grown and it may not have completely unfurled itself but. In time!!! Soon!!!!! It's the "calling insistently to check up on you and worrying even when i'm told you're okay because i want to hear it for myself". It's the "defending you even when you aren't around to see it because it's not an act i put on you are special and i don't like it when people mistreat you." It's the way!!! Her acts of care!!!! Linger even after she's gone!!!!! It's the way he always seems to reel from whatever mark she's left - her hands bunching up his coat, the earbud she returns to him, the stupid chicken nugget hand holding. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH all these little moments that could just as easily remain platonic, except they're stirring something up!!!!!

That they are each people who aren't good at receiving care from others but end up doing exactly that for each other! And how they receive that concern and care! Nol always seems SO affected by the times she pays attention to him, when she notices things. The medicine she bought him!!!!!!! Because he is a person who deserves to be taken care of!!!! When no one else but Nana does that. ;A; Like alfkjakfjkjaf lmao see I'm accidentally going on the tangent already but that's! Exactly what I love about them. That, as you put it, they are so delicately woven, it's been happening all along but NOW we can see that tapestry they've been weaving. We can see exactly how they've affected each other in a way that's led to these flirty little fingers dancing, to this additional layer atop something that could be otherwise so platonic. It could be Minhyuk and she'd still be asleep at the side of his bed, but it's not, it's Nol, and that makes all the difference.

;A;!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GROUP DISCOUNT THERAPY FOR ALL!!!!!!!!! lmao I really do look forward to the end even though I HATE things ending and I tend to hold off finishing them as long as I can lmao because I get sad but ILY is special because I DO hope as many characters can get the happy endings they deserve, can find the comforting peace they need. I think everyone will always carry some kind of baggage, but bagage isn't as heavy if you can share it with someone, if someone can lighten the load. I mean that very platonically, too - I just want to see these characters find some kind of peace and have someone who understands, who gives them that space.

But I definitely want them all to get therapy LMAO PLS

[icharchivist]

I get it. Fandom discourse can be terrifying. You're valid for being wary. Also, I agree on the Gbf ages being weird. I personally take them as suggestions rather than hard fact and then largely ignore them anyway, because the ages seem largely unrelated and these characters have aged like one year in 9 human years, so it's really not that important lmao. As long as they're over 18 it's all good

ikr 😩 a curse, truly, but thank you for that.

and yeah same. Usually i kinda just go "are they an adult or are they a child", and then it's only about mostly relativity to me. Like Siegfried is older than Lancelot and Percival, who are older than Vane. Any other details is up depending on what matters or not, this type of things.

like i mentioned how i think Seox being 19 is just bewildering to me, and it's kinda the mix of wanting to make him younger than Nehan (who's established at 21) but also close in age to MC who is constantly frozen at 15yo (mostly bc of the whole "they could have been adopted siblings had our father tried" thing).

Personally i feel like both of them are too young. But i kinda just take it as "they're over 18 and adults, and Seox is slightly younger than Nehan". the ages themselves just serve as a guideline to me.

and then we have Meg. Meg who lived all of the Auguste summer, and in My Beloved Auguste is mentioned to be coming back every year, and, by the time of the 6th summer..... was 18yo? I'm sure the implication is that the "Auguste Summers" are spread out on like a couple of years rather than one a year and everything, but the event did play it like it was once a year, so that just made her age more confusing. Just making her 20 already would make things less confusing honestly. And considering Mari, who's her age, ended up becoming a political figure in Auguste, making them like, actual adults and not just "barely adults" would probably have been better anyway.

but honestly yeah i'm showing my overthinking there because it's the reason i Gave Up. I don't really care actually, but mostly because i feel like if you try to take the ages too seriously, things are going to drive you insane before you know it.

so just taking it easy and having just some vague ideas of the ages is the way to go imo. No worrying, just chilling, just somewhat mindful about it all, and tadaaaaa.

[takecareluv]

wait, meg...oh my god i misread and sent in the just the questions. my brain glitched, excuse me for a second.

okay, so for coffee date: i just wanna talk to you about you. how you are doing, how your days are, what are you planning on doing, accomplishing, manifesting, etc. anything exciting happened? news, good or bad?

for bookstore, my promot is: ❛ i don’t think i’ve ever seen you smile. ❜ maybe some kind of enemies to lovers piece? you always create the most beautiful pieces from even the most simple things, so i'm going to lay this in your hand and let your mind bring it to life.

pls ignore my previous two asks, i'm so embrassed i just sent them in without anything like miss girl get your head together

you wanna talk about little old me? 🥺 okay, im flattered to be honest, no one ever asks me these kinds of questions🥺 in this very moment im doing okay, im going to see the elvis movie so im excited about that. but other than that, i’ll be honest, my days haven’t been going the way i’ve been wanting them to. im still struggling to wake up earlier and do my morning routine. i haven’t opened my current read in over a week, or done my skincare. i go on my phone right when i wake up after getting rid of that habit for the last year or so. i guess im just feeling disappointed in myself. every night i say tomorrow is going to be my day, but yet it never happens. i’ve lost all motivation and i hate it. i want to get back to myself and my good habits but i can’t seem to. and i have so much i need to to before i leave for my trip and i can just feel like anxiety and stress looming over my head but i’m too anxious to even do anything about it. where do i even start? i feel so overwhelmed.

i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to rant like that. i wish i had more exciting things to say :/

anyway… something a little more cheery! here’s your requested bookstore blurb! i hope it’s okay. i’ve been in a funk with writing recently and i kind of hate this but i think i’m just overthinking it like everything else.

ugh i’m sorry again, i feel like i’m being such a debby downer and i’m really not meaning to.

but tell me about you !!! how have your days been? what are you accomplishing/manifesting? anything exciting going on? or any news, good or bad ?!! i wanna hear <3

[ohanny]

beta reader appreciation post

i have a two buddy system because honestly? i need both my hands held, i am very fragile :D

my first line of defense is @librarianarmy13 who is a full time librarian in the middle of the summer reading program and still makes times for me and my fics. she'll drive home from work and google doc with me until she has to go to sleep. i've known her for years so i trust her with my life AND my unedited garbage. no one gets me and my irrational hatred for a perfectly correct adjective in a perfectly correct sentence quite like she does.

but alas, sometimes this might not be the most helpful thing!

this is why my second line of defense is @newmclarens because after we have obsessed over an adjective for six consecutive hours and rage quit, she swoops in like an actual angel with biblically accurate amount of fresh, observant eyes and fixes everything we missed in our neurotic, sleep deprived haze and then lovingly calls me - and lowkey meg too - a dumbass for overthinking so much. if she says it's fine then you damn well know it's fine.

[thegreatwhiteferret]

I was tagged by: @its-reddie-bitch (Thanks for this by the way, Elle. 85 fucking questions...Jesus. Lmao ❤️❤️❤️ )

1. last drink?: Venti Soy Blonde Latte from Starbucks because I am a basic white bitch

2: last phone call?: My older sister when I was on the verge of a mental breakdown.

3. last text message?: “Can I use your card for Starbucks?” Because I am a poor ass basic white bitch.

4. last song you listened to?: Rainbow by Kesha (Gets me in the feels every time)

5. last time you cried?: Mmmmmmmm last night or the early hours of today...

6. dated someone twice?: Noppppppppppppppe. Thank fucking God.

7. kissed someone and regretted it: I don’t think so.

8. been cheated on?: We weren’t “exclusive” so...but I’d fucking say that it still felt like it.

9. lost someone special?: So so many.

10. been depressed?: Severely for the majority of my life. (In case y’all hadn’t figured out that I’m an anxious and depressed mess)

11. gotten drunk and thrown up?: OH MY GOD. Only twice that I can think of, but one was really bad. Sour blue raspberry Smirnoff vodka and Titos vodka, and I filled like a full tumbler glass with that and chugged it...because why the fuck not? I’ll tell you why not, I ruined a $2,500 cowhide rug...fuck.

fave colors

12. Fluorescent Pink- Basic white bitch with Barbie tendencies.

13. Tiffany Blue- See above reasoning

14. Anything Pastel Ever

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends?: Yes, but I also lost a shit ton.

16. fallen out of love?: Hahahahaha. No romantic interactions at all in the past year so...not possible.

17. laughed until you cried?: All the time. That wine drinking Pennywise was the last thing that made me do this.

18. found out someone was talking about you?: Yes, and that bitch is lucky I had enough self control to not throw hands with her.

19. met someone who changed you?: Yes. (For better and for worse)

20. found out who your friends are?: In the hardest way possible.

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list?: Nope, and we can leave it that way.

general:

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl?: All of them.

23. do you have any pets?: My furry baby who is actually an alien like Stitch dog, Pippa. (But I also have my sister’s dog with me right now)

24. do you want to change your name?: Nah, I’m good.

25. what did you do for your last birthday?: Went for dinner with my family and tried to keep myself together.

26. what time did you wake up today?: Erhmmmmmm 10:30 ish, but I laid in bed with the dogs until almost 12. It was glorious.

27. what were you doing at midnight last night?: Finishing the latest chapter of I Will Try To Fix You so I could post it and watching Bloodline (legit only for Owen Teague...don’t judge me.)

28. what is something that you can’t wait for?: Things to get better...?

30. what are you listening to right now?: Someone You Like by The Girls and The Dreamcatcher 

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom?: Yup.

32. something getting on your nerves?: What doesn’t get on my nerves would be a shorter list. What irks me more than anything is people being assholes to other people because their ideals don’t match. No one is fucking asking you to engage in a poly relationship or marry your same gender so fuck off! Gahhhhh.

33. most visited website?: Tumblr (But if Google Docs counts (14 tabs open Jesus) then that’s close behind and so is Ao3).

34. hair color?: Bleached white blonde with horrendous roots. I sooooo want to do something drastic to it though, 

35. long or short hair: It’s shoulder length so whatever that is.

36. do you have a crush on someone?: A real life person? No. Celebrities? Hilary fucking Knight always and forever. People on this site? ...Maybeeeeeee.

37. what do you like about yourself?: This is a really hard question. I guess I’m an alright writer and I genuinely like helping people. 

38. want any piercings: I have quite a few, but I have my eye on a few for the future. 

39. blood type: O+

40. nicknames: Meg, Megs, Meggie, Mefge (Typo from Wii that will never cease to haunt me!), Texas...really freaking boring I guess.

41. relationship status: Single AF...by choice, not my choice, but a choice.

42. zodiac: Libra 

43. pronouns: She/Her

44. fave tv show: Golden Girls (and a million others, I watch a lot of TV tbh)

45. tattoos: I have a list of 14 that I want when I have money.

46. right or left handed: Right

47. ever had surgery: I’ve had sinus surgery and gastric related surgery so far. There will be more in the future I am sure.

48 . piercings: Two lobes each ear, industrial, rook, conch, and tragus. (Nips, belly button, and something else in the future hopefully)

49. sport: HOCKEY, ALL DAY EVERY DAY BABY!!! 

50. vacation: I haven’t been on one in years. I am dying to go to Disney and London.

51. trainers: Converse Chuck Taylors

more general

52. eating: Salad but I want to make a mug cookie...

53. drinking: Still working on that Latte

54. im about to watch: I’m watching some British family cook off show with my mom and sister on Netflix.

55. waiting for: Better days, they better be coming quickly.

56. want: To actually be motivated enough to quickly finish the 14 requests I have!!! Hahahaha, that’s why it’s a want and not a possibility. 

57. get married? YES PLEASE! But I think someone has to actually be able to tolerate me for this to happen. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

58. career: I quit my original dream career and now I am going back to school for nursing. It was toxic and I needed a change.

59. hugs or kisses: ALL OF THE PHYSICAL AFFECTION PLEASE!

60. lips or eyes: Eyes. Oh my God, EYES.

61. shorter or taller: ¿Por que no los dos?

62. older or younger: I don’t care as long as they are at least 18...sounds bad but whatever.

63. nice arms or stomach: Uhmmmm either?

64.  hookup or relationship: Relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant: It depends on the situation.

66. kissed a stranger: Not yet, but I would.

67. drank hard liquor: Pretty much all I drink because I am allergic to beer and do not like wine. I actually owe my sister six shots of fireball, so that’s going to happen and I will be on the floor...

68. lost glasses: All the fucking time and then I can’t find them because I’m blind! Endless struggle.

69. turned someone down: Yes...and ghosted people too.

70. sex on the first date: SURE. Why the fuck not??

71. broken someones heart: I don’t think so.

72. had your heart broken: Yes, and at the time I thought I would never recover, but I’m still kicking bitches.

73. been arrested: No.

74. cried when someone died: So so so so so so so so much. 

75. fallen for a friend: Yes, multiple times, and they were awful decisions!

do you believe in…

76. yourself: No. Unfortunately. It’s a struggle, but I promise that I am going to get help very soon and work on this. I’m just very very hard on myself and don’t like when I’m not perfect. 😕😕😕

77. miracles: Maybe...

78. love at first sight: Nope. Infatuation of lust at first sight? Yes. Love? No, I don’t think it’s something to play around with and it has to grow.

79. santa clause: I CAN HEAR THE BELLS!!!!

80. kiss on a first date: I mean I already said why not to sex on the first date, so kissing is mild.

81. angels: I don’t know. Angels I’m not sure about, but I do believe in spirits and things of that nature.

82. best friend’s name: Can I say my dog? Is that pathetic? Pippa is my ride or die, guys.

83. eye color: Blue

84. fave movie: Inglorious Basterds, IT, and Rise of the Guardians in no specific order, because I am indecisive and can’t choose.

85. fave actor: I can’t choose one! Taron Egerton, Michael B. Jordan, and Evan Peters are high on my list though.

I have no idea who has already been tagged so I’m just going to throw some names out... @billbenbev @milagric @theriodiaries @demianhill @dannybriereisaliferuiner @valiantlydeepestdinosaur And literally anyone else who wants to do this!

[nep2unes]

𝐅𝐓. 𝐒𝐍𝐎𝐎𝐏 𝐃𝐎𝐆𝐆 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅𝐈𝐄𝐒 (𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐬𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚 𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐲)

✭ channeled signs 4 all piles: orange, birds, doves, little einstein trap remix, michael jackson, baby brother, binging the originals, lavender, alpha and omega, klayley (someone really been watching the originals heavy LMAO i can’t), fan fiction, harry styles, story times, youtube pick a cards, soulmate, sharp eyebrows, getting your eyebrows done, spa, facial, self-care, fog, gloomy weather, rain, sunday morning, karaoke, singing alone in your room, making playlists, low battery percentage, on your sad girl shit listening to sad music to make yourself feel better (btw wrong move, this shit gon make you feel worse. put on some meg. STANDDDD UPPP!), sirens, congested traffic, sza, spongebob (i heard specifically “bring it arounddd town”)

✭ you ready? take a deep breath and don’t overthink it. go ahead a choose the picture you’re most drawn to. the first pic your eyes laid on is usually your answer. it’s ok to be drawn to more than one pile too! enjoy! x

PILES 1-3 FROM TOP TO BOTTOM

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐎𝐍𝐄:

financial abundance. you’re currently working on creative endeavors that are not only going to serve your highest good but the process itself is healing you as well. this financial abundance was meant to be. it was written in your destiny. your intuition may be heightened at this time and if not, it’s coming. especially with this portal, you’re truly going to be coming into your power. you’re going to be using your intuition to guide you in not only your current business affairs but also in matters of heart as well. i’m sensing a divine counterpart may be at play at this moment? (for SOME not everyone, so take with a grain of salt) maybe sending you messages through music, tik tok, numbers, etc. balance in all aspects of your life is coming. you may be feeling down or tired lately and that’s making you feel guilty because you feel like you’re not doing enough but really it’s just spirit telling you to slow down and take some breaks. fill up your cup a bit and don’t get too in your head when it comes to this. this financial abundance and this overall prosperity headed towards you was literally MADE for you. it’s divinely protected so it’s not going anywhere. don’t feel pressured to constantly be working or doing something because at the end of the day you gotta take care of yourself and energy. this month is going to be full of working but also joy and celebration. you’ll find your balance. you’re work is not going unnoticed baby! keep going, i see you and so does spirit.

𝐀𝐃𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐄 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐓:

it’s planning szn! get a journal, planner, or start a folder on your computer to organize yourself when it comes to your time and business ideas! you have so much bright ideas and it’s time to put it on paper. once you do, your spiritual team has got the rest. ALSO figure out the anxiety you have within these ideas. it has something to do with you not feeling good enough to achieve all these goals but trust when i say this you got it bro. otherwise, you wouldn’t be thinking up these random ass ideas. i feel like you’re a great manifestor as well, use that to your advantage when it comes to your business and your mental health! just know that “prosperity lies ahead.” everything is gonna be fine. you’re gonna be ok because you were built for this. never forget that! keep out on the watch for intuitive hits from your guides. i feel like they’ve been trying to talk to you for a minute but you’re just ignoring them LMAO. you’re loved baby, believe it!

CHANNELED SONG: ALL ME BY DRAKE FT. JAY-Z AND BIG SEAN

“i got ninety-nine problems and a bitch ain’t one, i got ninety-nine problems getting rich ain’t one!”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐓𝐖𝐎:

healing. your stagnancy is over. your hermit mode is over. it’s go time right now. it’s time to move forward and start to take action on all those creative ideas you have. your new beginning is here, if you so choose. you have a cage over your head. you’re too in your head.  i think because you’re so worried about what others think when you do step out as this new person and step out with all these ideas but honestly truly, who gives a fuck. like bro you were meant to do this shit! act like it! give yourself some more credit. you’ve gone through hell and back and you’re still here so that’s your validation! you don’t need anyone else’s validation. march is bringing you so much healing and courage to step out and embody the truest form of yourself. you know what you want, so why are you holding back? little changes lead to big changes. simply from starting to cook your own meals at home to exercising are big ass accomplishments! give yourself a pat on the back every once in a while.

𝐀𝐃𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐄 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐓:

your commitment is being tested at this moment. you have a tendency to start stuff and then not finish them and i think this is because you think you’re not worthy but that’s not the case. you need to stop the self-limiting beliefs. they don’t serve you. i think this month is going to be evoking a change within you where you do find out just how powerful you are and how you are the one in control of your reality. once you do do this, your manifestations are going to sky rocket in! good shit lies ahead man you just gotta believe it for yourself. fuck what everyone else says or thinks. shadow working and journaling through your emotions are going to help you heavily this month to combat your self-doubt. remember: to get something you’ve never had, you gotta do something you’ve never done!

CHANNELED SONG: GREEK GOD BY CONAN GRAY

“there’s nothing you could do, to dampen up my mood”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄:

first of all, let me just say, y’all mfers stubborrrnnnnn. goddamn! so isolation is going to be a big theme this month for you. and don’t roll your eyes and give me that big ass sigh. you know this is needed because you’ve been constantly on the move, your mind has been going 50 mph constantly and you’re not showing up for yourself as much as you should be. i think you’re not satisfied with your life right now and this isolation period is needed so you can reflect on yourself, on relationships, connections, and things that don’t serve you. there’s something holding you back and you know what it is but this isolation period is going to reveal the root of it. so it’s not only isolation but a lot do healing and truths about yourself that are coming to light. y’all have a big ass relationship wound. you’re too hung up on your toxic ass ex. slow down baby. i’m sensing this relationship wound stems from not having been shown the proper way to love as a child. i’m seeing a lot of emotional abuse and neglect. maybe your parents/guardian had their own issues as far as addiction and traumas. so now that’s translating into your life currently. this month, specifically, a lot of the shit that you’ve been ignoring is gonna be right in your face. my love, it’s time to realize your worth and embrace your pain. you’re here on earth for a reason and i think it’s time to realize that what you reap, you sow. face those negative thoughts, fears, and traumas that you haven’t faced yet. your inner child right now is grieving heavy and calling out to you for comfort but you’re ignoring them. this month is going to be a lot of alone time from the world for the mere reason that you need to face your demons and battle them because at the end of the day you’re gonna be victorious.

𝐀𝐃𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐄 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐓:

this is your final battle. you don’t have to fight anymore. march is going to be a transformative time for you in that you’re gonna recognize the strength you have. but adjustments are required in terms of mindset, how you speak to yourself, and how you approach the world. take time to breathe, contemplate, and figure out wtf your steps are moving forward. i think your biggest fear is being alone but let me say this shit, it’s your biggest strength. we came in this world alone and we go out of this world alone so it’s time to embrace it. you’re a beautiful soul with lots of love to give babe but you’ve constantly given your love to others that weren’t deserving of it so it’s time to channel that energy to yourself. give more to yourself. take time to nurture your inner child and provide them with the tenderness and love you’ve never received because once you feel that unconditional love from yourself you’re never gonna wanna go back. the pain from facing your inner demons is SOOOO worth the healing and love you feel afterwards. ALSO spirit at this time is stressing that you don’t have to go through this battle by yourself. they constantly surround you and all you need to do is ask for help and they got you. surrender all your worries, problems, insecurities, etc. to them. if you can’t get out of bed one day, ask them to provide you the courage to do so and get shit done. they love you so much and want you to know that you’re worth so much more than what you allow in your space. (OH AND BLOCK THAT TOXIC EX! spirit really doesn’t like them LOL i feel like that mfer be tryna lure you in sometimes with random texts and fake accounts on social media. cut all ties. you’re worth more. CHOOSE YOURSELF!)

CHANNELED SONG: OUTTA TIME BY BRYSON TILLER FT DRAKE

“we're toxic as ever, make no mistake, all the roads lead to we shouldn't be together.”

[patagucci34]

All Three ~ Nolan Patrick

A/N: this is based on the song All Three by Noah Cyrus. Also i have no idea what it’s like to have migraines and I obviously don’t know how it was for Nolan either, my depiction in this is just what I thought would fit with the story.

Warnings: mentions of sex, swearing, verbal fights, playful arguing

Word count: 6.9k

Nolan Patrick…your best friend, your lover, your kryptonite.

It's the classic friends with benefits scenario…you met when he came to Philly and the rest is history. Your cousin, Meg had been dating Travis Sanheim and she always dragged you along to outings so you had become pretty familiar with the Flyers.

The night you met Nolan you knew you were in for it. You had walked into Scott's apartment trailing behind Meg and Travis and you immediately locked eyes with an unfamiliar face across the room. He immediately blushed and his mouth twitched up a bit in an attempt at a smile. You gave him a small smile back and then were interrupted by a few of the guys giving you hugs.

You were intrigued by the guy across the room, you figured he was a rookie, a super cute rookie, and you really wanted to meet him. It was a little while before you finally did, you wandered into the kitchen with your cousin to grab a drink and then of course you caught up in conversation. But finally, halfway through the night you were being introduced.

"Nolan, Travis, this is y/n, y/n, this Nolan and Travis." Ghosty introduced you to the two rookies. You shook their hands and greeted them sweetly. "It's nice to meet you!"

"It's nice to meet you too." The shorter of the two, Travis, greeted. "So how do you fit in with the mix here?"

"My cousin is dating Travis Sanheim and they drag me along to things like these."

"Oh, sweet. Do you go to school here?"

"Yeah, I'm a sophomore at UPenn."

"Wow, don't you have to be like really smart to go there?"

You blushed at Travis' question. Although you had worked super hard to get into UPenn, you hated when people would make a big deal about it. And you never knew how to answer this question without sounding like an asshole. "Um, I mean I guess so…you have to get good grades and be involved in a lot."

"So, probably no chance for me?" Travis joked.

You giggled and shook your head looking over at Nolan who had been pretty quiet the whole conversation. His cheeks flushed a bit more when you looked at him and he realized that he should probably say something. "What are you studying?"

Your breath hitched upon hearing Nolan's voice. It was deep and a bit raspy and you were even more intrigued. "Environmental Studies." You answered with a small smile.

"Cool, so you like the outdoors?" Travis asked.

"Yeah, I've always lived in the city, but I like to get out whenever I can and go camping and hike and stuff."

Nolan immediately knew that he wanted to get to know her more. He was happy that she said she came to stuff like this a lot and he'd have the opportunity to hang out with her.

 Meg came barreling into the three of you, grabbing your arm to pull you towards the pong table.

"Sorry boys, she's needed for beer pong!!" She called over her shoulder and you shot them an apologetic smile as she dragged you across the room.

 You and Meg dominated, as always, so you were occupied with beer pong for quite some time. But once you finally got knocked out, you looked around for Nolan because you really wanted to talk to him again. You spotted him in walking towards the kitchen so you decided to follow.

 He sensed a presence behind him and smiled when he turned and saw that it was you.

"Beer?" He asked holding a bottle out for you.

You nodded and took it from his hand, "thank you."

He grabbed one for himself and leaned against the counter. "You're quite the player."

You smirked at his compliment, "yeah, we're not all total nerds at UPenn, I've had my practice."

"So, are you from Philly?" He asked after a few moments of silence.

"Yup, born and raised…"

"You say that like it's a bad thing…"

"I love it here, I do, but sometimes I wish I had gone somewhere else for school. Just to experience something else, you know?"

Nolan nodded, "Yeah, I left home when I was a teenager for hockey, it's nice to see what else is out there but there's definitely no place like home."

You smiled at his comment, he was very soothing. You had only known him for a few hours but you already felt super comfortable around him.

 You stayed in the kitchen with him and talked for the rest of the night. You hadn't even noticed how late it had gotten until Travis came looking for you telling you that you needed to go because Meg was super wasted.

"Okay, I'll be right out." You assured him so that you could try and invite Nolan back to your place.

"It was really nice talking with you, y/n…" Nolan said.

"Would you maybe wanna come back to my place?" You asked with a smirk.

He smiled and nodded, "let me just go to tell TK."

 You walked up to Travis and Meg, "Nolan is gonna come back with me, so you can guys just go home." Travis raised his eyebrows, "are you sure?"

You nodded, "yeah, I'm good. I promise."

"Okay…" Travis said hesitantly. "Text me when you get home please…and if you need anything." Although Nolan seemed like a good guy, Travis still didn't really know him and he was protective of you.

"Will do. Thanks, Travis. Good luck with Meg."

"Yeah, bets she passes out in the Uber…"

You laugh at his prediction and say goodbye to Meg.

 You turn around and Nolan is approaching you. "You ready?" You nod in response and go downstairs to wait for your Uber. Conversation seemed to just flow and you talked the whole way to your apartment.

 Your roommates thankfully were both in their rooms for the night so you didn't have to deal with any introductions.

"Do you want anything to drink?" You whispered as you entered your apartment.

"I'll have some water if that's okay." You nodded and handed him a water bottle before leading him down the hallway to your room. Unsurprisingly, you talked for a little bit longer before he finally made a move and started kissing you.

 You melted into his grasp as soon as you felt his lips on yours. The faint taste of beer on his lips had you desperate for more.

 --

 Ever since that first night he had you locked in. You hooked up a few nights a week when he was in Philly. You kept in touch when he was on road trips and when he went back to Winnipeg for the off season, you even visited him there a few times. He had grown to become your best friend. As the two of you got closer it wasn't always about sex, he'd come over after a tough loss, you'd confide in him when you were stressed about school or your friends. But despite how close the two of you were, you never felt your relationship progressed to anything more than friends.

 Everyone always thought you two were a couple, he invited you to team events as his plus one, you went on dates, you were exclusive, you argued like you were married…but for some reason you never put the label on it. You didn't totally mind…you were both still very young and not to mention putting a title on it really wouldn't change your relationship at all so you supposed it didn't matter. It would happen when it happens and that was fine… or so you thought. 

  I really hate when you say you love me, those spoken words are wet concrete

And in your arms I feel so lucky, weightless when you lie on me

 It started to really fuck you up when he said those three forbidden words. I love you. Well, in your case it was two, and not as meaningful or intimate as it usually is said for the first time.

 You guys had been together, or doing whatever you were doing, for two years. He was leaving for a week long road trip and you were at his place helping him pack before you brought him to the airport.

"Hey, y/n/n?" Nolan called from the bedroom. "Have you seen my black tie?"

"I'm ironing it right now!" You yelled back from the living room.

 Once you finished ironing his dress clothes you brought them into his bedroom for him to pack.

"Thank you." He said before giving you a quick kiss and zipping them carefully into his bag.

"Do you want to eat anything before you go?" You asked.

"Can you make me a ham sandwich, please?" He asked with a childish grin.

You chuckled and shook your head, "of course."

 You looked at the time and figured he'd need to eat in the car so you packaged it up so he could take it with him. Just as you finished, he emerged from the hallway with his bags in hand. You grabbed him a bottle of water and put it in a bag with his sandwich. You double checked with him that he had everything and you headed down to the car. You drove so Nolan could eat and the rest of the car ride was spent humming along to the music.

 "Do you want any help?" You asked as you put the car in the park out front.

"No, I'm all set." He said as he slid out of the car. You got out after him and stood by as he gathered his bags. "Thank you for your help this morning."

"Anytime, Nols. Text me when you land, please."

"Will do," he assured as he leaned down to kiss you, "love you, babe."

 You stood there shocked at his words as he walked away seemingly unbothered. True to his word, he had texted you when they landed and texted you throughout the week as normal. You were kind of expecting some sort of explanation, at least an acknowledgement of what he had said but it seemed like it just slipped out and he didn't think anything of it. You however, spent the whole week overthinking and freaking out.

 Of course you had thought about if you loved Nolan or not, but you just never thought saying it was on the table because of the status of your relationship. You hoped that when he returned he'd have something to say about it but he didn't. And you were the biggest chicken in the world so you never brought it up. He didn't say it too often, mostly when he'd leave for a road trip or if you weren't going to see each other for a while. You had been trying to build up the courage to say it back but you could never bring yourself to do it.

 It didn't seem to bother him that you didn't say it back. Which made you really think it wasn't that big of a deal for him, which is what confused and frustrated you so much. You didn't understand how he could be so nonchalant about it all the time. Was he that dense? Or were you really just overthinking it? It got to the point where you hated to hear him say it. But it didn't matter how much you hated to hear it, because you knew you loved him too.

 Nolan was not known for showing much emotion. But you weren't either so it worked out for the two of you. You had other ways of expressing your feelings for each other. For you, it was helping him prepare for road trips, cooking him dinner, rubbing his shoulders, and when they started, helping him through his migraines. For him, it was bringing you coffee and dinner when you were cramming for an exam, always making sure you had Reese's and a bottle Sauvignon Blanc on hand, going for walks with you, taking you to concerts… but your favorite moments with Nolan were when the two of you were lying in bed or on the couch. Not doing anything, maybe you have a show on in the background, but you weren't paying attention to it. Instead you were listening to Nolan's heartbeat, focusing on his soft breathing. You were often under him, him acting as the perfect weighted blanket to help you feel at ease.

 --

 But darling if I could, I would fall for someone good, someone good for me

No matter how good the highs are, there of course some lows. Nothing too awful, but with the uncertainties of your relationship comes some strain. Sometimes the time spent together is too much, you feel overwhelmed, Nolan feels too much pressure… and you're never sure if you can work through it. You obviously always have, but each time you have a falling out it feels like the end.

 You had been sitting at home all night trying to reach Nolan. He had been having his migraines for a little while now and you were worried because you hadn't heard from him all day and he wasn't the playing in the game. You knew that if it was anything super serious, someone would have contacted you but you couldn't help but worry about him. You finally decided to go over to his place and see if he was okay.

 You knocked quietly upon arrival wanting to give him a chance to answer the door. After a few minutes of silence you decided to just go in. His apartment was dark, which wasn't unusual during a bad migraine, so you made your way back to his bedroom. His door was cracked so you pushed it open and saw Nolan lying down on the bed.

"Nolan." You whispered with no response. "Nolan." You whispered a little louder this time. He moved a bit so you knew he heard you but he still didn't say anything. You walked over to the bed and gently sat down next to him. "Are you okay?" He grunted in response, still not what you wanted, but something nonetheless. "I'm sorry for just coming, but I was worried…I haven't heard from you all day."

"You can see that I'm alive so you can leave now."

You sighed at his cold tone, you had heard it before and you knew better than to push so you got up to leave. You stopped before the door and turned towards him, "let me know if you need anything." You didn't wait for a response knowing that you probably wouldn't get one so you left his apartment.

 You tried to your best not to be upset by the interaction. You didn't know how Nolan felt in those moments and you wanted to give him what he needed, even if it meant him not wanting you around. It certainly wasn't the first time he shut you out and you knew it wouldn't be the last, but that didn't make it hurt any less.

 What made this time different was your interaction the next day. Usually after a night like that, he would apologize for how he treated you and would explain he just really needed to be alone. You of course always forgave him and things went back to normal. But this time, there was no apology, just more hostility.

 He had texted you asking if you could bring over something to eat. You asked him what he wanted and he said he didn't care, "get whatever you want."

You decided to just go to the store and get a few different things so he had options. When you showed up to his place he was on the couch with his eyes closed, so you quietly shut the door and put your bags down in the kitchen. You were putting a few things away when you heard him speak. "What did you bring?"

You walked over to him so you didn't have to yell, "I got a few things from the store…I got stuff for sandwiches, frozen pizza, soup…"

"Alright thanks." Was all he said. You stood there for a minute not knowing what to do. "What are you doing?" He asked looking over at you.

"I, um, well…" you fumbled out, taken aback by his tone, "do you want me to make something for you?"

"Just make me a sandwich I guess."

You nodded and walked away without another word.

 A few minutes later, you brought his sandwich to him on a plate and set it down a little harder than you probably should have. But you were starting to get upset so you didn't really care. He glared at you in response but thanked you as he sat up and grabbed it. You walked back into the kitchen and put everything away.

 "I'm gonna go, I guess. Let me know when you're feeling better." You said as he walked by him to put your coat on.

"Why are you leaving?"

"Well it's clear you're still not doing well, so I'm just gonna leave you alone." "I never told you that you needed to leave." "You didn't have to, Nolan." "What's your problem?" "I don't want to fight, especially if you’re still not feeling good, so I'm just gonna go."

"Why do we need to fight? I just asked you a question."

"Really? 'What’s your problem?' isn't exactly an innocent question."

"Well I don't really understand why you've got such an attitude." "I'm trying not to lose my patience Nolan, but you're making it really difficult." "Why?!" he asked starting to raise his voice, "What did I do?" "You're kind of treating me like shit, Nolan. I'm sorry that you had a bad migraine yesterday, and I'm sorry if I made it worse by coming here last night, but I was worried. I understand it's hard for you, but I hadn't heard from you all day. You usually let me in and help you through them and it’s fine if that's not what you want or need but you don't get to be a dick to me about it. You asked me to bring you food, I did, and you're still being rude to me. I don't mind being here Nols, I want to be here, but if you're going to act like this I'm not interested."

"You have no idea how hard it is for me, y/n," he yelled at you, "I didn't ask you to come over last night, I'm sorry you were worried but I can't put my migraine on hold just to make you feel better."

"I know that, Nolan! That's why I left once I saw that you were okay! But you were obviously okay enough this morning to text me asking for food, and you're obviously okay enough right now to be yelling at me! I know that I don't know how hard it is for you, but I'm doing my best to be here for you and support you however I can. I know that you can't always text me or call me, and that's fine. But the way you're treating me right now is not okay." "You don't have to be here for me all the time. You didn't have to bring me food today if you really didn't want to. You can say no, y/n, you don't owe me anything."

You were hurt by his words but you tried your best not to show it. "I wanted to bring you food because I care about you! I want to be here for you! It just doesn't seem like you want me here. You've been nothing but cold to me since you texted me this morning! I don't mind doing these things for you, Nol, but you could at least act grateful."

"Whatever, y/n/n. Just go I guess. I'm not arguing with you anymore."

You opened your mouth but you didn't know what you would even say, so you put your coat on and left.

 It had been a few days since your fight and you hadn't spoken to him at all. It was awful timing because you had midterms coming up and you were too distracted to study.

 You were currently trying to force your way through a study guide when you got a call from Meg. You sighed and answered the phone. "Hey, Meg."

"Hey, y/n/n, what's up?" "Trying to study…what about you?" "You're not going to the game tonight?"

"No, I really need to study." "But I thought you were going…?" "Yeah, well plans change. I can't go anymore." You heard some mumbling in the background, which you assumed was Travis. A few moments later Meg spoke up again.

"Are you and Nolan fighting?"

You rolled your eyes and sighed, "We had a pretty big fight the other day and I haven't talked to him since. But regardless, I need to study. I have midterms next week."

"Travis said Nolan has been grumpier than usual. What did you fight about?"

"His migraines I guess??? I don't even know, I tried standing up for myself but he wasn't having it so I left."

"You haven't talked at all since?" "Nope, not a word." "Are you okay?" "I don't know, not really honestly. But I really can't dwell on it right now because I need to focus on studying." "And how is that going for you?" "Not very well." "Okay, so why don't you come over and we can talk about it. If you're not studying anyway it might help to get things off your chest."

You sighed as you thought about it, knowing that she was right you agreed and got your things together to go over there.

 She had a glass of wine waiting for you and you sat down and told her everything.

"Okay, well you were right to stand up yourself. You've done a lot for him recently and you don't deserve to be treated that way."

"Yeah, but he's right, I didn't have to do any of it for him. He didn't ask, I just did it." "Okay so you didn't have to, but despite your weird ass relationship, it's not that crazy that you did. Everything you've done for Nolan I would do for Travis in a heartbeat. Yeah, we're engaged and it's a little different, but you and Nolan have something really special. It's beyond me and everyone in the world for that matter, why you two don't just get over yourselves and date officially. You've worked through fights in the past, you'll work through this too." "But they've never been this big before. And I don't like that it was about his migraines. Even if he apologizes who's to say that he won't act like this again. I feel like I can't fault him for it because it's his way of dealing with them. But I also know that I don't deserve to be treated that way so I just feel like we're not meant to be." "Y/n, that's bullshit and you know it. You and Nolan are like, the perfect match. It's been a few days, I'm sure he's feeling better, you've both calmed down, so sit down and talk about it. You know you're not going to be able to study until you do."

You sighed knowing that she was right, "okay…yeah you're right. I'll text him." 

You: Hey, Nol.

You relaxed into the couch, feeling a sense of relief now that you've had some sort of contact. You took a few sips of wine as you waited, but thankfully it wasn't too long.

Nolan: Hey, y/n/n…

You: Can we talk?

Nolan: Yeah, wanna come over after the game?

You: Yeah, just text me when you get home.

Nolan: You're not coming to the game?

You: I wasn't going to…I really need to study.

Nolan: Oh, okay. I guess I'll see you later.

You decided not to respond, you still weren't super happy with him, so you didn't think you needed to defend your decision.

 "Alright, I'm going over there to talk after the game." You updated Meg.

"Good. So you'll get ready with me???" She asked hopefully.

"Sorry, Meg. I do really need to try and study. I'm gonna head out."

"Fine," she pouted, "but you better let me know how it goes tonight!!!"

"I will, bye Meg."

 Between having the game on in the background and thinking about what you were going to say, you weren't able to get much studying done. But you still tried your hardest until you received a text from Nolan telling you that he was leaving the arena.

 You were hoping he would be in an okay mood…they won the game but Nolan didn't play. You didn't think he was having a migraine, it was probably more of a precaution, but nonetheless he'd be upset that he wasn't playing.

 When you got to Nolan's he was sitting on the couch with two glasses of water in front of him. You smiled at the gesture, although it quickly faded when you remembered why you were even here. He stood up to greet you and you went and sat next to him on the couch.

"That was a good game…"

"You watched?" "Of course."

Nolan nodded, "I just wish I could have played…"

You smiled sadly, "I know, I'm sorry, Nols. Not feeling good?" He sighed and leaned back, "I don't know, I mean, I feel like I could have played, but it's just not worth the risk of bringing one on…"

 You sat in silence for a little bit, neither of you knowing where to start. Just as you were about to speak up, Nolan beat you to it. "I'm really sorry for the way I treated you the other day. I know that you were just trying to help and I know that you don't have to do those things for me but I really do appreciate it. I shouldn't have yelled at you and I shouldn't have dismissed you the way that I did. I know it's not a great excuse, but it was just really bad the other night, I knew that I wasn't going to be fun to be around that's why I didn't want you here. But I don't have an excuse for how I treated you that morning. I had no right to say those things to you, I don't even really know what came over me. You've always been amazing to me and you do mean so much to me, y/n/n, you have no idea. I just hope that you'll forgive me…" "I appreciate your apology, Nols. My intention is never to overcrowd you or make you feel like you need my help. I'm here to help you with whatever you need and it's okay if you need some space too. It'd just be nice to be let down a little easier…"

Nolan smirked at your last comment, "I know, I'm sorry. I promise I will be better at communicating my needs with you." He put his arm around you and pulled you into his side. You rested your head on his chest and he kissed the top of your head.

 --

 You're my nemesis, you're my best friend

We nearly walk on common ground

 You really didn't have big fights like that often, but you did however argue about stupid, little things all of the time.

 One of the things that drove you absolutely nuts about your relationship with Nolan was how different the two of you were when it came to planning things and being on time. Nolan was very "go with the flow" and "we'll get there when we get there" which you loved for him…but you were much different. You liked to have things planned and you absolutely hated being late.

 You were hanging out at your apartment one Friday afternoon watching Netflix when you got a text from Nolan.

 Nolan: Hey, I need a date to an event tonight. I'll pick you up at 6:45.

You looked at the time and it was almost 2 o'clock.

Me: Whoa, whoa, whoa…what kind of event?

Nolan: Pretty fancy, black tie.

Me: Nolan!!!!! I don't have anything to wear!!!

Nolan: You have tons of dresses.

Me: Not any that fit black tie!

Nolan: Oh, well if you go now you'll have time to get one.

 You scoffed and shook your head. Of course, he'd tell you about an event a few hours before and be so nonchalant about it.

 Me: Fine, but I'm not happy.

Nolan: Why? You love these things.

Me: Yeah, when I have time to prepare for them!

Nolan: What do you need to prepare for? Just get a dress and do your makeup or whatever.

 You chose not to respond to that because you didn't actually want to start a fight. It was also hard to actually be mad at him when he really had no idea what was wrong with the current situation.

 You sent an SOS text to Meg and asked her to meet you at Nordstrom to help you pick something out.

 Two hours later, there was a mound of dresses and jumpsuits in your dressing room but you finally found the perfect one. It was a beautiful, sleek, black, satin jersey gown.

"You look so hot, y/n/n." Meg complimented as you spun around in front of the mirror.

"Thanks…I just still can't believe I'm just finding out about this stupid gala." "Yeah, it's a little annoying. But look at you, you found the perfect dress and you still have time to get ready."

"I know, I just hate when he does this. You know how I am about stuff like this." "Yes, I know, Miss Organized…but it's not the end of the world."

You rolled your eyes at your cousin and went into the dressing room to change.

 You hopped in the shower once you got home and did your hair and makeup as quickly as you could while still making it look good.

 You heard Nolan come into your apartment and you glanced at the time because you weren't ready yet. You breathed a sigh of relief to see that it was only 6:30. You finished up your makeup, put on your heels, and grabbed your coat before walking down the hall to greet Nolan. He stood up from the couch when he heard you coming but was engrossed in his phone so he didn't look up at you. You rolled your eyes and cleared your throat to get his attention.

"You ready?" He asked without looking up.

You ignored his question and said his name firmly, "Nolan." He finally looked up at you but still didn't say anything about how you looked. "Do I look okay?"

"Yeah, I don't know what you were so worried about, babe. You look amazing."

"Don't make a habit of, Nols. I was super stressed about it."

He gave you an incredulous look but sighed and nodded his head, "sorry, princess. I'll make sure to tell you a year in advance next time."

You rolled your eyes at his sarcasm and walked towards the door.  

 ~~~

 One other thing about you and Nolan was that you bickered…constantly. He honestly drove you nuts more often than not but for some reason that was why you loved him so much.

 You would argue about what to have for dinner.

 "Pizza?" He suggested.

"We always have pizza, what about Chinese?" You protested.

He rolled his eyes at your suggestion, "we always have Chinese, too."

"Sushi?"

Nolan shook his head, "I don't feel like sushi." "Sandwiches?"

"Nah…" "Well, I don't know, Nolan! Why don't we just go to the store and make something." "That'll take too long." You rolled your eyes and shook your head. "Whatever, just pick something, I don't care."

"You say that now but you're going to complain about it as soon as it gets here."

"Well we can't agree on anything so whatever, just get what you want." You didn't give him a chance to argue as you stomped down the hall to do some homework.

 You always argued about directions.

 "Why are you going this way?" Nolan asked as you made a turn.

"Because it's faster. There's always a ton of traffic the other way." "No it's not, this way is like 30 minutes longer. Even with traffic we'll get there faster the other way." "No we won't, Nolan. I drive this way all the time, it's fine, trust me." "Whatever you say, we're gonna be late though." "No we're not." "Yes we are." "No we're not!" "Yes we are." "Fine, if you're so worried about it, you drive." You huffed out as you pulled over and threw the car in park and got out of the car. Nolan shook his head at how ridiculous you were being but switched places with you anyway.

You ended up getting there 10 minutes late.

 "I told you the other way was faster." You said as you climbed out of the car.

Nolan scoffed, "if you hadn't thrown a fit and just kept driving we would have been on time." "Are you kidding me? It took two minutes to switch places. That's not why we're late." "Whatever.…" He grumbled as he shot you a glare. You stuck your tongue out at him and he shook his head walking a few steps in front of you.

 He hated that you always hogged the blankets.

 To no surprise, Nolan woke up in the middle of night shivering with no blankets on. He sighed angrily and tried to pull the blankets over to him. He wasn't successful because you were all wrapped up in them and they were impossible to move.

"Y/n." He said nudging your shoulder. "Y/n/n." You stirred a bit but didn't wake up. "Y/n." He said louder. Nothing. He sighed again grabbed his water bottle from the nightstand. He poured a little bit on your face and you shot up in shock.

"What the fuck, Nolan?!"

"You were hogging the blankets!" "So you dumped water on me?!"

"You wouldn't wake up!" "You're such an ass." You seethed as you pulled the blanket back to you and rolled over to face away from him. Nolan scoffed at your action and tugged on the blanket. "Get your own blanket if you're so concerned about it." You said as you held onto it so he couldn't have any.

"And I'm the ass…" He muttered in defeat as he got up to grab a blanket from the other room.

 You hated the way he put the toilet paper on the holder.

 "Nolan!!!" You screamed from the bathroom. You were pretty sure at this point he was doing it just to piss you off. You hated when people put the toilet paper on upside down. The right way to put it was so the tail was on top. It flowed so much better and you didn't understand how people could think that it’s okay the other way.

As you angrily switched it around, Nolan was out in the living room smirking because he knew exactly what you were yelling about. He feigned innocence as you came stomping down the hallway yelling at him for putting it on like that. "Oh, I'm sorry babe, I didn't mean to."

You rolled your eyes at him and scoffed. "Seriously, Nolan. You know it pisses me off." "I know, I’m sorry, I just don't think about it when I'm changing it, because it's really not a big deal. It's just toilet paper."

"Yeah, but it's so much easier when it's right side up."

"Some would argue that you have it wrong." "Yeah they might, but they're stupid. If you don’t care, why can't you just put it the way I like it." "I try to, babe, I just forget sometimes." "Well please, try and remember."

"Aye, aye, Captain."

 A few days later, Nolan went into the bathroom and chuckled when he saw a sign posted by the extra toilet paper.

Please put toilet the right side up. Thank you :)

 Deciding he wanted to dance with the devil, he switched the toilet paper so it was the "wrong way." It took a while, but a few hours later he was in the kitchen grabbing a snack when he heard his name being yelled from the bathroom. He laughed and shook his head, preparing for the storm that was coming his way.

 --

 But we're suckers for the thrill, playing fuck, marry, and kill

Honey you're all three.

 No matter how much argued, bickered, or fought, you loved him. He was your person. You were with each other for your best moments and you stuck by each other through your worst.

 Your best friend, your lover, your soulmate. And you wouldn't have it any other way.

 ---

 You and Nolan were enjoying a rare day off you had together lounging around the apartment. Nolan had noticed that one of his favorite bands, Mt. Joy were on Instagram live. He shot them a quick text asking if it was okay if he joined. They of course said yes so he hopped on.

 You were in the kitchen baking cookies, only half listening to what Nolan was saying. However, you immediately stopped what you were doing when you heard something that Nolan said. "I'm just hanging out at home with my girlfriend. Enjoying the day off." Once you got over the initial shock you listened more intently to see if he would say anything more about it. "Yeah, we've been together for a while. Pretty much since I came to Philly." Your jaw dropped. Of course. Of course he would play it off as if you've been dating for years. Apparently you were lost in thought for longer than you thought because the next thing you know Nolan came up and waved his hand in front of your face. "You there?"

"Oh yeah, sorry." "What are you thinking about?"

"I'm your girlfriend, huh?"

He smirked at your tone, "of course you're my girlfriend. Am I not your boyfriend?" "Oh my god, Nolan!"

"What?!" "How long have I been your girlfriend?" He shrugged, "I don't know, I thought we were always kind of dating."

You scoffed, "unbelievable." He gave you a questioning look but you shrugged him off. "Nothing…never mind."

"No, tell me." He insisted.

"It's just, we never really talked about it or had the conversation so I didn't think we were actually boyfriend and girlfriend." "So we've just been…what, a thing? For three and a half years?"

"Well, I don't know, I guess. We've never celebrated an anniversary or anything. And this is the first time I've ever heard you call me you your girlfriend." "Oh, well, I'm sorry y/n/n. I guess after it had been so long I just kind of assumed." You gave him an amused huff. "What? Should we have talked about it?"

"No, no, I guess not…" you reassured, "it's just so…us."

"Us?" "Our whole relationship has been me overthinking and you under thinking, apparently…no offense."

He chuckled at your explanation. "You've been overthinking our relationship?"

"Well, yeah! I never knew what we were but you never seemed worried about it so I didn't want to bring it up."

"Okay…so if you need it spelled out for you…" he started earning himself an eye roll from you, "will you be my girlfriend?"

"I thought I already was?" You replied with a playful smirk.

He rolled his eyes at your teasing but teased you right back. "So are we good? We didn't just break up, did we?"

"No, I love you too much to give you up that easy." He raised his eyebrows at your admission. "Oh, you love me, huh?" You stuttered a bit, realizing that because you had been so insecure you had never actually said it back. "See I notice things, not such an under thinker, am I?"

"I'm sorry, it's my overthinking... I always just thought it kind of slipped out when you said it and because I didn't know what we were I was scared if I said it back things would end." "What?!" He asked, looking at you like you had two heads. "How does that even make sense?!" "I don't know!!" You defended, "I just thought…I don't know... I guess I really don't have an explanation. Just that I'm a little bit crazy."

"It's okay, I already knew that. Your insistence that there is a correct way to put toilet paper on the holder was a dead giveaway."

"Ha ha ha…" you fake laughed, "you do put it the right way now, though…"

"I can't have you going off the rails on me…"

You gently shoved him and shook your head. He smiled and cupped your face in his hands. "I love you, y/n/n. I always have and I always will."

"I love you too, Nolly." You said with a smirk.

Nolan grimaced at the nickname, "okay, maybe not when you call me that."

"Oh, come on, Nolly. You know you love it." "I don't...but I love you so I'll let it slide."

You stood on your tip toes prompting Nolan to bend down so you could kiss him. He picked you up and set you on the counter and you made out for a few minutes.

"As much as I want to make sweet, sweet love to you baby, this dough smells really good…" He said, suggesting you finish the cookies.

"Aye, aye, captain." You saluted as you pushed him out of the way and hopped off the counter.

-- 

For the rest of your life with Nolan, there wasn't a day that went by where you didn't want to fuck, marry, and kill him. But it never stopped you from loving him.

[chokiipng]

when you feel like the world is crashing down on you : fushiguro megumi

Hina/n : i’ve been feeling pretty down, and megumi (and xiao from genshin impact) seems to be my only source of joy at this point, so let’s make ourselves feel better, yes?

characters: fushiguro megumi

contents: megumi helping you through one of you’re more depressing moods

warnings: feelings of depression & anxiety, teeth rotting megumi fluff

usually, when megumi came back from a mission, he would find you and complain about the task his annoying teacher gave him, which would then lead to the both of you sleeping soundly somewhere in your room. he found solace in the comforting silence, despite not always sleeping on your bed. he was too exhausted to move, so he took what he could get.

after a particularly troublesome mission, in which he met his brand new classmate and an overpowered demon king, he quickly made his way towards your room after his injuries were taken care of.

however, when he tried to welcome himself into your dorm, he found that the door was locked. that was the first sign. you never locked your door, knowing that he would visit frequently to spend time with the only person he could really tolerate, ignoring the possibility that gojo or one of the second years could just as likely barge in.

he rapped his knuckles against the door, “(y/n)? it’s me.”

when he only received silence as a response, he knocked again but with a little more force.

again, he didn’t get a response. pressing his ear against the door, he recognized the songs playing in the background as the ones on their collaborative playlist and noticed the faint sniffling almost drowned out by the music.

in a fit of concern, he picked up his key to her dorm from his room across from hers. “i’m going to come in, okay?” he carefully opened the door, finding his girlfriend lying on her side, softly singing the lyrics to the song in a broken voice,

he wasn’t familiar with affection, despite being in a relationship with her. but after knowing her for a few years, he realized that it was okay and that she really just needed him to be himself around her. she didn’t force him into anything, which he appreciated greatly. 

but it was at times like these where he willingly made himself more affectionate for her. of course, that really only meant cuddling with her in bed, but it seemed to be plenty.

taking his usual place behind her, assuming the role of big spoon, he wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his head in her hair. his hands, rough and calloused from years of training as a jujutsu sorcerer and beating the shit out of middle school bullies, cradled her own that were surprisingly soft for a fellow sorcerer. 

his chest rumbled as he hummed with her, knowing the tune of the song well after hearing it so many times. finally snapping out of her trance, she blinked a bit before moving further into his embrace.

“did something happen today?” he asked softly, his voice low and gentle as to not scare her.

she shook her head, “no, it’s me overthinking again. it’s honestly nothing.”

“it’s not nothing if you’re crying about it. tell me what happened.”

she sighed, silence was useless. the two usually confronted each other in times of doubt and need, so nothing went unanswered. she pointed to  her phone on his side of the bed. briefly leaning over to grab it, he opened it, smiling at the sight of the two of them and his divine dogs as her homescreen. 

“check my messages,” she instructed.

he did so, furrowing his brows in confusion. everything was normal. he was her pinned conversation and her most recent, which wasn’t new. he also found that she had also recently texted gojo, their teacher, about souvenirs, principal yaga, and even nanami-san that she occasionally went on mission with. the second years were currently out on missions, so it made sense that she hadn’t messaged them in a while.

“what’s the problem?” he asked bluntly. he didn’t understand what was wrong and he knew she would clear his confusion.

grabbing his hands with her own, fiddling with them, she said, “it’s just- i think-” she struggled to find the words, “i think hina and aiko are ghosting me.”

“what?”

“megumi, they haven’t texted me in three months. before we graduated middle school, they promised that they would stay in touch. you knew how close we were.”

he hummed in agreement.

“i think i’m just annoying them at this point, they haven’t answered any of my texts, and if they do they’re really fucking dry, and ignore all my calls. they never did before! maybe i’m just being too clingy. i’m probably annoying them. no wonder, i even annoy myself sometimes.”

panicking slightly, you began to hyperventilate. spewing out words at the speed of light as you tried to calm yourself. turning you so that you were facing him, he held the back of your head and pushed you into his chest. listening to his heart beat, you slowly calmed down, attempting to match you breathing patterns with him. your tears fell freely, dampening his shirt.

he pet you head, running his long finger through your hair. he hushed you gently as you continued to cry silently into his chest there were no words needed at the moment. comfort wasn’t always found in positive words between the two of you. you both recognized that sugar coating your comfort would prove to be fruitless later, so you found that it was better to just remain silent.

after a few minutes, he began to speak again, “your crying so much that i can barely recognize you.” he jested.

you scoffed, “thanks, very comforting meg.”

he chuckled lowly, “it’s true. the (y/n) i know would never cry because of two measly humans. they wouldn’t care of they ignored them, you know why.”

 “why is that, meg?”

“because she knows that she has an annoying teacher, a bunch of powerful senpai, two new classmates,” he smiled slightly, “and a troublesome jerk of a boyfriend there for her. she has no need to worry about two girls when she has all of these people here for her.”

she laughed, causing his heart to swell at the sound. he continued, “why would a menace to society such as herself bother with two normies? the (y/n) i know smiles at curses demise, and as unsettling it is, it just shows how fearless she is. she would never be brought down by two regular girls who don’t realize what their missing out on.”

she laughed loudly at that, wrapping her arms around her torso with a large smile. it was also then that megumi realized that she was wearing one of his sweatshirts (which he now always buys with the intention of her wearing them). his heart practically burst as he realized she still found comfort in him despite him not being their physically earlier.

she smirked up at him as he did the same to her, “since when were you this comforting, fushiguro. usually all i get is a hug and a nap.”

he shrugged, facing the ceiling (an attempt to hide his reddening cheeks), “since i got a girlfriend who actually happens to like my hugs and a nap. i wanted to put in more effort to be better for her, y’see.”

“well, as the said girlfriend, i would like to say that i’m perfectly content with how my boyfriend is now. he tends to try an improve himself for me, but i think that he’s just lovely the way he is.”

“yeah well, my little menace to society deserves more than she realizes. so i will do everything in my power to make sure she realizes it.”

she hummed, her eyelids starting to droop, “this menace to society appreciates everything that her fellow menace does for her, including napping with her. which happens to sound incredibly tempting right now.”

“indeed.”

[wayward-dreamer]

Life’s Lessons - Part 5

Title: Life’s Lessons - A Lesson in Not Giving In (Almost)

Pairing: Mechanic!Dean x Female!Teacher!Reader (eventual)

Other Pairings: Dean x Lisa, Female!Reader x OMC – Ethan (past, mentioned)

Word Count: 7,508 (thoughts, song lyrics in italics)

Part Summary: Y/N gets her car back, bringing stability back to her routine. As Friday night rolls around, Dean’s plans with Lisa get derailed as she goes out with her friends. Dean asks Y/N over, resulting in a night of laughs, stories of the past, and something between them that they can’t keep denying.

Warnings: Swearing, Talk of past family issues, Mention of reader’s ex, Talk of mental abuse, Neglect, Insecurities, Alcohol Consumption, Dean being cute (yes, that’s a warning), Flirting, Forbidden feelings, Moment of weakness (you’ll see what I mean, I don’t want to spoil it)

Music: Renegade by Styx (Dean cooking scene), What Is and What Should Never Be by Led Zeppelin (Dean and Y/N end scene).

Life’s Lessons Spotify Playlist

A/N: Thank you to everyone for all the love towards this series! It’s been amazing to hear all of your thoughts! We’re really getting into it now, and I just hope you’ll enjoy the journey of these characters. I can’t wait to hear what you all think! Happy reading and enjoy! :)

Dividers by the wonderful @firefly-graphics! Check her out for all your AU needs!!!

Life's Lessons Masterlist

The next couple of days flew by, and before she knew it, it was Wednesday. Y/N was happy to be getting her car back, her life becoming easier again, especially with school. Her classes had been keeping her busy, grading tests and making sure the homework was done. All of her students but a couple were doing well, and she knew she would have to talk to the parents as she soon as they had time to meet. Things remained awkward with Ben, who would never really say much, except for a few sentences each class.

She knew it was hard with her being his teacher and living across the street but given the size of this town it was hard not to see people constantly. The only thing that could be done and what she had been practicing, was not talking about him or to him outside of a school setting.

Cas had brought Y/N into the garage again, once classes were over on Wednesday. Though this time he couldn’t stay, wanting to meet Meg before she started her shift at the hospital. Y/N walked in and was greeted by the receptionist this time, an elder woman.

“Hi, I’m Ellen, what can I help you with?” she asked, a smile on her face.

“Hi, I’m here to pick up my car. I’m Y/N Y/L/N” she told the woman. She had a pleasant demeanor, but Y/N had the feeling she could really get mad of you pissed her off.

“Oh, so you’re Y/N!” she beamed. “Dean’s been talkin’ about ya non-stop. Just making sure he does everything right and on time.”

Y/N felt her cheeks heat up. “Well, that’s nice of him.” Dean had been talking about her to his friends and co-workers? She suddenly felt a little strange to be the centre of attention.

Just as Ellen was about to speak, the door to the men’s room in the reception area opened, and Benny walked out, this time without any car grease on him. He was looking sharp as he was a little dressed up.

“Hey, cher” he smiled, as he enveloped in a hug. She liked him and it was easy to see why he and Dean got along. Benny was mild mannered despite his intimidating build, and he clearly loved the work as much as his green-eyed friend.

“Hey, Benny. You clean up well” she complemented him, taking in his crisp white shirt and black pants.

“Thanks, darlin’. My girlfriend, Andrea’s coming back from visiting family in Greece, so I’m headed to the airport” he told her, a big smile on his bearded face.

“Oh, wow!” she gasped. “That would’ve been amazing!”

“Yeah, she had a great time. I can’t wait to see her” Benny smiled, giddily. “Dean’s just bringing your car around.”

“Great” she breathed out. “Well, have a wonderful time with Andrea.”

“I will, and you know when things are more settled for ya, you should come over for dinner” Benny said, genuinely.

“I’d love that” she smiled.

“Take care, cher” he said, as he winked and walked away.

“Bye, Benny” she called out as she watched him leave through the front door.

Y/N watched through the windows as Benny waited to the side, as her car pulled up. She smiled as she watched Dean get out, wearing his aviators and blue and black plaid. Was there ever a time he wouldn’t look so damn breathtaking? The man was a walking sculpture. She watched as Benny walked off to his car, and Dean walked towards the front door. She smiled at him as he saw her and smirked, opened the door and took off his sunglasses. She looked amazing in her maroon A-line skirt and white top, with a fawn coat. Dean couldn’t help but admire her. She could wear a paper bag and still look stunning.

“Hey” he said, with the widest grin on his face. “Come on.”

He held out his hand and without a second thought, she clasped it with hers. Both of them had the same thought of how perfectly their hands fit together, but quickly pushed it aside. He led her outside and over to her car.

“Here she is” he said, dropping her hand, much to Y/N’s dismay. “Get in and turn the car on.” He tossed her the keys which she caught perfectly.

Y/N quickly got in the front seat and smiled, half excited and half nervous. She dropped her bag in the passenger seat, turned the key in the ignition, and heard it turn on. This time without any hideous sounds.

“Woooo!” he cheered with a laugh.

She laughed as she shook her head. He was crazy, but she loved how much he loved his work. She turned the car back off just as he came around to her side. She got out and automatically wrapped her arms around his neck, in a hug. He pulled her close, his arms around her waist, as he swayed them side to side. He chuckled, the rumble in his chest vibrating through her.

“Thank you so, so much, Dean” she whispered.

“No need to thank me, sweetheart” he whispered back.

The hug lasted a little longer than they had intended, and she quickly pulled away before they could overthink the gesture.

“I got to get home” she said, not really wanting to leave but knowing she had to.

“Yeah” he nodded, trying not to sound disappointed. “Come and find me if something happens, again, but you’re definitely good to go.”

“I’m sure I won’t have to” she said, as she sat back in her seat. Dean closed the door for her but leaned into the open window.

“See you around, sweetheart” he winked.

“Bye” she muttered, trying not to look flustered by his charm. Cut it out, woman! She scolded herself as she pulled out of the garage parking, and turned her car in the direction of home.

Friday night quickly around again. Ben was staying at a friend’s house, which gave Dean the perfect opportunity to cook dinner for Lisa. With Styx Renegade playing on the record player and the sauce for the lasanga simmering on the stove, he started mixing ingredients for dessert as the front door opened. Lisa walked in from having dropped Ben off and eyed him incredulously.

“What’re you doing?” she asked, leaning into the kitchen island.

“With the kid away for the night, I thought this was a good night to stay in and cook” he smirked, genuinely. “Have some alone time.”

She sighed heavily, shaking her head. “I can’t. I’m going out with the girls.”

He frowned, trying not to roll his eyes. “Can’t you go out with them some other time? I mean, you’re always out with them. I thought we could have a night to ourselves for once.”

“They’re my friends, Dean” she chastised him. “I don’t stop you from going out with your friends.”

She walked down the hall and into the bedroom, closing the door behind her.

An hour later, Lisa left the house with a slam of the door. Dean made up the lasanga and put it in the oven, but what was the point of eating it by himself? Now he didn’t even feel like eating it, wanting to order in pizza instead and threw back a few beers. As he started to dial the pizza place, he stopped. He looked up and out of the window in the kitchen. He smiled as an idea came to him.

Y/N was thankful for this Friday night to herself. She was going to call Katie and then watch a couple episodes of The Walking Dead which she had recorded, and get a pizza delivered. She made plans for Saturday to go watch a movie and have lunch with Charlie. She had asked for Meg’s number from Cas to invite her, but she was unfortunately working at the hospital. She promised to come to whatever the next thing would be, though, and Y/N was excited to meet her soon enough.

Just as she was about to sit down and call Katie, the doorbell rang a few times. Y/N frowned, wondering who could ring so urgently and hurried to the door. She swung it open and smiled as she saw Dean on the other side, looking flustered. The dark green shirt he was wearing was crumpled, and there was red and white checked dish cloth on his shoulder, which he probably hadn’t noticed.

“Please tell me you’re not doing anything tonight” he said, quickly, his hands rubbing over each other, nervously.

“Uh, no. I mean, I had a date with my DVR, but that’s about it” she said, shaking her head.

“Okay, well… if you want, I’d love to have you over to dinner. Ben’s at a friend’s for the night, Lisa couldn’t cancel her plans with friends when I asked her to stay for dinner, and I don’t want it to go to waste” he told her, a hopeful look on his face.

She smiled, not even thinking twice about it. “I’d love to.”

He pumped his fist, as he smiled wide. “You’re the best. Okay. In half an hour?”

“Absolutely” she nodded, his smile infectious as she found herself smiling too.

“Ah! Thank you!” he shouted happily, as he quickly leaned in and pecked her cheek. “See you soon!”

He quickly ran off back to his house, clearly not realizing what he just did.

Y/N shut the door, not being able to stop herself from smiling. She was trying to tread lightly but it was too hard. When he kept being the amazing human that he was, how could she? She knew she needed to call Katie as she got ready to go over there. She would set her straight.

She walked into her bedroom and opened up her closet, trying to figure what to wear. Considering the weather was starting to turn, a sweater and jeans would be most appropriate. She tossed the clothes on the bed and then stripped off, walking into her bathroom. She wanted to freshen up quickly after a long day at work. As she turned the shower on and then stepped in, she clipped her hair up to save it from the water. As she moved her body under the water, her mind wandered to Dean. She hated the idea of him trying to work things out with Lisa and her leaving him hanging. Did she care about him at all? Why stick around in a relationship that isn’t going anywhere? Did they even have their good days anymore? Having been in a bad relationship herself, she knew what it could do to your mind, and she hated to think that Dean was going through something awful by being in relationship that absolutely was not going anywhere.

She quickly lathered up, her mind still on Dean. These feelings of attraction weren’t new to her, but this was the first time they had been so intense. His face was somehow rugged and yet beautiful, his body was hard but his touch soft. Her eyes closed as her mind continued to wander, her hand moving down between her thighs. She rubbed her hand over her mound, the water cascading down on her only serving to make her wetter than she already was. Before she could continue, however, her mind quickly snapped out of the images of him. She moved her hand away, feeling guilty that she did what she did, but glad that she stopped before she went any further.

She turned off the shower and stepped out, wiping down. She quickly got dressed into what she was going to wear for dinner, and then dialled Katie’s number. She picked up on the second ring, her cheery voice on loudspeaker.

“Hey!”

“Hey, how are you?” she asked her friend.

“I’m great, but… you don’t sound so good” Katie replied, her voice full of concern for Y/N.

“Well, I’m about to head over to Dean’s for dinner. Just me and him” Y/N said, sighing.

“And you’re broken up about it because he’s still with his girlfriend? Right?” Katie asked, accurately assisting the situation.

“Bingo” Y/N replied.

She heard Katie breathe out deeply. “Y/N.”

“In my defence, he asked me because his girlfriend couldn’t cancel her plans with friends, and he didn’t want dinner to go to waste. I couldn’t say no” Y/N quickly explained.

There was a pause in conversation; Y/N knew that Katie was thinking.

“Look, there’s nothing wrong with going over there, as a friend and having a good time” Katie reassured her. “Just… be careful.”

I will” Y/N nodded. She glanced at the clock and saw that she should leave. “I should go.”

“Okay, keep me posted” Katie said.

“I will. Sorry we couldn’t talk for longer” Y/N apologized.

“It’s okay, we can make up for it soon” Katie said, simply.

“Definitely” Y/N agreed.

They said their goodbyes and hung up. Y/N quickly fixed her hair into more of a natural look, sweeping it off to the side. She put on her chocolate brown knee high heeled boots, sprayed some perfume on, and picked her phone as she left the house.

Y/N walked across the street, fidgeting with the neckline of her black sweater. She kept trying to pull it up over her shoulders, but the sleeves kept slipping down to rest almost off-shoulder. There was no point battling with it to do something it clearly couldn’t, so she left the neckline alone. Her Y/H/C hair was resting over shoulder, exposing the other. She had a split second of realizing that maybe she shouldn’t have worn it like that or the sweater, but it was too late now.

She walked up the porch steps and rang the doorbell. She was nervous to be alone with him, but she couldn’t help but feel a little excited too. It was alone time with Dean, and as much as she wanted it to be more, it was just two friends having dinner together. That’s it. It couldn’t be more. She wouldn’t let it be more. She waited patiently, but a breath caught in her throat when the door opened.

Dean had changed for dinner and was standing there in a dark grey Henley and dark blue jeans, looking like a freaking model. Dear god, give me strength she thought as she smiled at him, admiring the way the Henley clung to his muscles.

“Hey, come on in” he smiled, letting her into the house.

He leaned down and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a hug. She smiled as her chin rested on his shoulder, and suddenly missed the closeness when he moved away.

As she walked in, Dean made quick work of checking her out. The black sweater she was wearing exposed her shoulders and collarbone, as her hair was styled in a simple yet perfect way. She was freaking stunning and he was regretting calling her over here.

Just keep it friendly and it’ll be good he told himself as he closed the door and walked into the kitchen.

“So, what can I get you drink?” he asked, as she followed him into the kitchen. “We got beer, wine, whiskey, a whole bunch of other spirits.”

She walked over to one of the high stools at the kitchen island, her heeled boots echoing through the house as they hit the hardwood floor and sat across from where he was standing.

“Wine would be great” she said, as she placed her phone in front of her on the counter, as she swayed a little to Zeppelin playing softly from the record player.

“Red or white?” he asked.

“Whatever’s going to go with dinner” she replied, with a small laugh.

“Red it is” he drummed his hands on the surface and then walked over to the other side of the kitchen, opening the glasses cabinet. He took out two wine glasses and selected a bottle from the wine rack on the bar he had next to the kitchen, before he walked back to his original spot.

“I didn’t take you for a wine guy” she teased, as she watched him pour a decent amount into each glass.

“I am when the occasion calls for it, and this definitely does” he said, as he passed one glass to her. He lifted his up in a toast and she did the same.

“To new friendships?” she suggested.

He smiled, nodding. “Absolutely.”

They clinked their glasses together and then both took a sip. She hummed as the liquid slipped down her throat.

“That’s amazing” she commented as she looked down at her glass.

“Yeah” he agreed as he picked up the bottle. “It’s pretty damn good and I’m not even much of a wine drinker.”

“So, how was work?” she asked, as she took another sip of wine.

His eyes lit up instantly. “Oh my god, today was freaking amazing! This guy brought in a beat up ’69 Camaro and wants us to restore it from the ground up!”

Her jaw dropped, just as excited as him now. “Oh my god, Dean! That’s incredible!”

He shook his head, his head still reeling. “I know, I swear as soon as he brought it into the back, me and Benny were losing our minds.”

“Wow” she laughed happily.

“It’s pretty much everything; new engine-” he started but suddenly stopped, clearing his throat. “Sorry, you probably don’t wanna hear this.”

She frowned, confused by the sudden change in his demeanor. “No, I do. Please, Dean, continue.”

“Oh, okay” he looked relieved as he went on. “So, yeah… new engine, tires, upholstery, paint job, the whole works.”

“That’s so awesome” she grinned.

“Yeah, and the guy’s pretty fucking loaded, too. So, he’s not sparing any expense. Paid in advance for everything” he told her, the smile never leaving his face.

“Dean” she sighed, her heart soaring. “This is seriously amazing. I’m so happy for you.”

“Thanks, Y/N” he half smiled, a twinge of sadness behind it. “I called and told Lisa as soon as he left. She said she was happy for me, but I know she’s not into this sorta thing, so…” he laughed it off, but Y/N knew he was hurting.

“Well, I don’t think you have to be in order to be happy for someone. I don’t know a damn thing about cars, but I’m really happy for you” she told him, sincerely.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right” he said, as he took a sip of wine. “I haven’t even told her about all my thoughts for expanding, either, because I know it’s not something she’s be interested in.”

“Expanding?” she asked, curiously.

“Yeah, I mean… we’ve had restoration jobs in the past, none as big as this one, but we’ve had a few. Every time we do, I keep thinking about opening another branch of the shop, specifically for restoration on classics, across town. Benny could run things here, while I’m at the new place for a while, and then we could just keep rotating between all of us at the shop. Maybe even hire a few more guys” he explained, a small grin on his face as he did.

“Dean… I think that’s brilliant. Not to mention incredibly different. That could really put you on the map” she complemented his plan, loving the idea instantly.

“Yeah” he nodded. “We’re flying already, and I’m really happy with where we are, but I know that we’d be unstoppable if that happened. You know?”

Y/N smiled; she loved seeing how ambitious he was. She couldn’t help but feel bad that he probably hadn’t shared this with anyone, except for maybe Benny.

“So, what about you? How’s work?” he asked, changing the subject to her.

“It’s good. I feel like I’m finally settled into the job, it happened quicker than I thought it would. I feel like Cas and Charlie had something to do with that. They’ve been so supportive of me” she replied, slowly turning her glass by the stem.

“Yeah, they’re awesome” Dean chuckled, incredibly matter of fact.

“We’re moving into teaching To Kill A Mockingbird next week, which I’m excited about” she smiled; it was one of her favorites.

“Man, I wish I had teachers as excited as you about school. Maybe I would’ve enjoyed it too” he laughed as he recalled his school days.

“Not a school guy, Dean?” she teased.

“God, no. I mean, I graduated, but that’s about it. I just didn’t have it in me like Sammy did, you know?” he said, truthfully.

“Well…” she said, as she laid her hand on his. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. What you do matters, too. Not everyone can have the skills you have.”

Dean had the sudden realization that her hand felt incredible in his and he never wanted her to let go. She really cared about him and what he did, and that made his heart beat just a bit faster, knowing that.

“So, no hare-brained ideas like me?” he chuckled, but his self-deprecating humor wasn’t lost on her.

“Well, firstly, your idea isn’t hare-brained” she quickly chastised him for the way he was thinking. “And secondly, no big plans other than eventually moving into high school. Teaching Literature; that’s where I want to be.”

He nodded, all while trying to keep his naughty teacher fantasies at bay. “That’s great.”

“I mean, don’t get me wrong I do enjoy teaching the younger kids, but they’re a handful. Having more of chance to teach the stuff I really love in high school… it would be amazing” she said, her eyes dreamy and hopeful.

“Well, I hope you get there. Those kids are gonna have one badass teacher” he smirked as he complemented her.

“Thanks” she felt the heat rise in her cheeks. “I hope so, too. I’m dying to get the chance to teach my favorites; especially Jane Eyre.”

“That had something about a fire, right?” he asked, trying to recall if he knew anything about that book.

“Yeah. I absolutely love it” she sighed.

“Hey, what do you know, I know something” he laughed.

She shook her head, smiling as she gestured to the bookshelves in the living room. “Seems like you know plenty.”

“Those are mostly Lisa’s” he waved her off.

“Really?” she asked, an eyebrow raised. She hopped off the stool at the kitchen island and walked over to the shelves. She scanned them quickly, and took out a book, holding it up to him. It was Slaughterhouse Five. “Somehow I don’t think Lisa’s a Vonnegut fan.”

“I guess not” he said, as he walked over, slowly.

“Or Dracula” she said, picking that one up after putting away the other.

“Yeah, I… um, I like the sci-fi, and horror stuff” he shrugged.

“I do too” she smiled.

He returned it, finding their conversation so easy it scared him. It shouldn’t have been that simple with someone he couldn’t be with.

“Food shouldn’t be too hot now” he said, breaking the moment between them. “Let’s eat.”

Dean walked back into the kitchen and picked up the dish that was cooling down from the corner near the stove. He brought it over to the table and sat down at the head of the table, just as Y/N brought her wine glass and Dean’s over. She sat down at the corner where the place setting was as he lifted the lid off the dish. The smell was absolutely divine as it reached her nose. Dean cut into the lasagna and placed the piece on her plate with a slice of garlic bread and some salad. She smiled as he passed it to her and took out his own serving, minus the salad. She had to laugh.

“Alright, go ahead and give me the verdict” he said, wanting her to eat first.

She dug in and took a forkful, bringing it to her mouth. As she chewed, her eyes closed, a smile gracing her face.

She opened her eyes and looked at him. “That… is incredible.”

“Glad to hear to that” he smirked as he dug in.

“So…” she swallowed her mouthful before continuing. “Who taught you how to cook?”

“My mom, as cliché as that sounds. She didn’t want me eating take-out all the time when I moved out years ago, so she taught me a few things” he told her.

She nodded, smiling. She couldn’t help but think about how she found guys who cooked incredibly sexy.

“Are you and your mom close?” she asked.

“Yeah, we are. I was the one who was there for her when she and dad had a big fight. We started to talk more often after that” he replied, taking another bite.

“What happened?” she asked, softly. “If you don’t mind me asking…”

If it was anyone else, he probably would’ve shot the question down, but he was comfortable around Y/N. He felt like he could tell her things and she wouldn’t judge anyone. Even Lisa barely knew anything about his family.

“I was around 23, 24 and working with dad full-time by then. Sammy was at college. Things weren’t going great with the business; we were losing money and he was getting really stressed. He was forgetting things, just trying to provide and he forgot their anniversary. She got really upset and found out just how bad things were. There was a lot of yelling, she cried a lot. One night, he just left. He came back after a month, apologized a lot to her, and she forgave him. He was really different when he came back; a better version of himself. Things have been really good ever since” he explained, that memory still hard to think about.

“Do you guys know where he went?” she asked, her eyebrows furrowed.

“Yeah, he went to a family friend in South Dakota. He helped turn things around for the business too, he’s a mechanic as well” Dean replied, smiling as he thought about his “uncle”. “Dad told me later he was just ashamed and didn’t know how to face her after what happened. He felt like he couldn’t provide for her, that she deserved better. He’s always felt like he didn’t deserve her, and she’s always felt like he’s exactly the person she was meant to be with.”

“I’m glad everything worked out” she smiled but frowned when something occurred to her. “Did he ever apologize to you?”

“He didn’t need to, I understood what happened and I never judged him for it” he shrugged.

“Well, that maybe so, but it put a pressure on you that you didn’t need” she said, understanding the situation completely. “I’m just saying, it’s never too late for that conversation.”

A silence fell as Dean thought about what she just said. About how she just understood, so instantly, so clearly. He cleared his throat as he continued to eat, his mind flooded with a million thoughts about her.

“You know a lot about my family, so I gotta know something about yours now” he said, wagging his eyebrows as he looked at her.

She laughed as she racked her brain for something interesting. “I wish I had some interesting stories, but I don’t.”

“Well, who are you closer with?” he asked.

She chewed quickly as she put her fork down. “Dad. I mean, I love my mom and we get a long great, but she can be a little too assertive sometimes. Whereas, my dad always knew how to get her to calm down and let me take the reins when I needed to. He always let me make my own choices, and if I ever made a decision that didn’t turn out well, he’d tell me that it was okay. It was a learning curve and that I would do it differently next time.”

Dean nodded, approvingly. “Smart.”

“Yeah” she smiled sadly, her heart longing for her family. “I miss them.”

“That’s another thing I gotta ask…” Dean started as she looked at him. “You’ve said you’re close with them since I first met you, so… why did you move so far away from them?”

There it was. The question she had been dreading. Yes, she had already told Charlie but that came up organically, through their conversation at the bar. Telling him was different.

Dean sensed a shift in Y/N and knew something was wrong. Her hands closed up, she avoided looking at him as she stared down at her plate and looked like she was shaking. He had never seen her like this, and he was scared that he had really upset her.

“Y/N, are you okay?” he asked, concerned.

“Yeah, I just… don’t know how to tell you” she replied, as she picked up her glass and took a big gulp of wine.

“Hey, you don’t have to tell me anything, it’s totally fine. I’m an idiot, I shouldn’t have brought it up” he apologized but she shook her head, causing him to stop.

“No, you’re not. It’s okay” she said, quietly. “I want to tell you. You’ve told me so much about your life, it’s only right I tell you about mine. Plus, I’ve talked about it with Charlie, so I’ll be okay.”

“Y/N, you don’t have to just because Charlie-” he said but she cut him off again.

“It’s okay, Dean. Really” she let one side of her mouth turn up, letting him know it was fine.

When Dean just looked at her intently and didn’t say anything, she decided that for now she’d tell him what she could. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him, because she did. Completely. She just needed to hold some of it back for now. She told Charlie everything because somehow it was easier to open up to her. Dean was someone she was starting to have genuine feelings for, even though she shouldn’t be. As much as she wanted to open her whole heart to him, he wasn’t hers to do that.

Y/N cleared her throat from the roughness that built up because of the alcohol and her emotions already affecting her.

“I was in a relationship for a year and a half. His name was Ethan. He was a friend of a friend and we met at that friend’s birthday party. He was charming and funny, a little arrogant but I didn’t think much of it at the start. We started dating and he generous, but it didn’t last long. He was incredibly controlling, telling what I should or shouldn’t do. Everyone would tell me that wasn’t normal, and deep down I knew that, but he was just so convincing that I thought that he was trying to make me better” she told him, her voice shaking.

Dean continued to look at her, slipping his hand over hers. Y/N felt the heat of his hand on hers as she turned hers, locking them together.

“It took a night of a lot yelling, of finally realizing what kind of a man he was, to make me finally leave him.” She shook her head, closing her eyes as the waves of the past began to flood in.

She felt Dean’s hand squeeze hers, reassuring her that she was okay. That she wasn’t in that place anymore. It was a year later, but the effects of what Ethan had said, what he had done, still lingered, still held onto the rope that was nearly broken. Most of the strands were frayed and lost, but the last strands still needed to be torn.

Y/N opened her eyes and looked at Dean. She saw his eyes, sad but fiery, as he shook his head. She had probably scared him off and she didn’t blame him, honestly.

“Y/N, you’re… you’re the strongest person I know.” Dean gripped her hand, stroking his thumb across her knuckles. “You’re amazing. Beautiful. I-, fuck I wanna hurt him for what he did to you.”

Y/N huffed as what she was feeling got the better of her. “Fortunately, he’s far enough away that you don’t have to.”

“Is your family safe with him around?” he asked, concerned.

“Yeah, they are” she nodded, wiping under her eyes. “He uh… he was around for a while, I’d see him a lot, but he eventually moved out to L.A. with his girlfriend.”

“Good riddance” he grumbled, under his breath.

“I knew he was gone but still being there… it just became too much. I was in therapy for a year just trying work through everything. When I saw this job come up, I jumped on it straight away. I miss everyone back home, but I knew I had to leave” she explained, blinking a few times to keep the tears at bay. “There’s a lot more to it, but… I just…”

Dean shook his head as he leaned forward, his eyes boring into hers. “You don’t have to tell me more, Y/N.”

She couldn’t help but smile as she looked at him. “Thank you. For listening. It’s not everything but I wanted to tell you.”

“Well, thank you for telling me what you could. I can’t imagine how hard that was.” He gave her a soft smile, as he looked down at their hands. Still joined together.

“It was, but…” she contemplated whether she should say what she was about to, but it was the truth and she wanted him to know. “I trust you.”

Dean nodded, realizing that it meant a lot for her to do that. The fact that he had earned her trust in a short amount of time was something he wasn’t expecting. Now that he had it though, he made a promise then and there to himself that he would never let her doubt him.

“I trust you, too” he spoke softly, but he smiled when he saw the corners of her mouth turn up and he knew that she had heard him.

Y/N was glad to know that she had Dean’s trust too. It took a lot for a person to tell someone about their family issues, and the fact that he did just meant that he was comfortable around her. She was grateful for that and if he felt like that with her, then she certainly did with him, allowing her to tell him about her past. Even if there still a bit more to the story.

The conversation turned lighter after that. They discretely unclasped their hands from each other, as they continued to eat. They both hid the fact that they missed the feeling. They asked each other about their favorite things, the conversation moving quickly between movies, books and music. They both decided that Zeppelin was the shit, and no one could tell them otherwise. Dean quickly got up and changed the record to another Zeppelin album, and sat back down.

“Okay, don’t judge me” she said, looking sheepish as she pointed to the record player. “I still don’t have this album.”

“What?” he asked as he leaned forward, eyes wide. “You’re kidding.”

“No, unfortunately. I’m pretty sure dad just never got around to buying it, ever” she told him, frowning.

“Well, we gotta change that soon” he shook his head but with a small smile.

Y/N sat back in her chair; her plate now empty. That had been one of the best meals she had had a long time.

“Damn, that was incredible” she said. “Thank you.”

Dean smirked as he started clearing the plates and cutlery. “No problem, sweetheart. I’m glad it wasn’t failure.”

“Somehow I don’t think you could fail at this” she laughed slightly, as she stood up and helped him.

“Hey, I got this” he groaned as he nudged her, silently telling her to stop helping him.

“No way, you’re getting help whether you want it or not” she said, as she followed him into the kitchen.

He started washing up as she grabbed a cloth and started wiping whatever he washed.

“That was my job when me and Sam would clear up” he gestured to her, as she stood there with the towel.

“Really?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. “You weren’t the one washing?”

“Nope, Sammy didn’t trust me not to splash him” he laughed.

She joined in. “Brothers.”

“Eh, I’ve done worse” he shrugged, passing her a plate.

“Like what?” she wondered.

“Let’s see…” a wicked grin graced his face. “Itching powder in his boxers, Nair in his shampoo…”

She let out a loud screech. “Oh my god, no!”

“Yeah, I got into a lot of trouble for that one” he laughed, sheepishly.

“Good” she said, playfully elbowing him, but a little hard.

“Ow!” he moaned as he laughed. He turned the water off and wiped his hands on another cloth.

“Did you and your sister ever prank each other?” he asked.

“Uh, less purposely pranking and more just getting each other back for something” she recalled. “She’s older so she always felt like she deserved the most time in the bathroom. She spat in my hair while we were brushing our teeth and I bent down before her. So… I shaved off one of her eyebrows while she was sleeping.”

Dean threw his head and laughed loudly. “Wow, didn’t expect that, Y/L/N.”

She laughed as she wiped down the last of the cutlery. “Luckily, we grew out of all of that pretty quick.”

Dean smiled. She always wore a far off look on her face when she talked about her family. It must’ve been hard to not see them every day. He couldn’t imagine doing that. He went over to the oven and opened it, taking out a tray with two white ramekins. Y/N gasped as she walked over.

“You… you made chocolate molten cakes?” she asked, staring at them before looking up at him, wide eyed.

“Yeah” he said, nonchalantly. “There wasn’t enough time for pie, so chocolate cake it is.”

“You’re… full of surprises, Dean Winchester” she shook her head. He wasn’t real. He couldn’t be.

“More wine?” he asked, as he waited for the ramekins to cool.

“Oh gosh, I’ve had three glasses. I really shouldn’t” she said, looking at the bottle. “Ah, screw it. Sure!”

Dean chuckled and poured some for Y/N and then himself as What Is and What Should Never Be began to play.

And if I say to you tomorrow

Take my hand, child come with me

It’s to a castle I will take you

Where what’s to be, they say will be

He watched as she hopped up on the kitchen bench and took her glass. He took out a spoon from the drawer and slowly cut into the cake, watching the melted chocolate ooze out. He took some in the spoon and brought it over to her. He blew on it slightly, as he held his hand under it.

“Okay, tell me if it’s good” he said, as she leaned in and took the mouthful in.

The sound she made as she closed her eyes caused the heat to rise in his cheeks.

“Fuck” she moaned, delightedly. “That’s so fucking amazing!”

He sighed in relief and cleared his throat at the sounds she made, as he grinned at her. “Good to know.”

“You are an incredible cook, Dean. I’m glad I came over tonight” she said, looking at him as he took a bite himself.

Catch the wind, see us spin

Sail away leave today

Way up high, in the sky, hey

He hummed as he tasted it himself. “Well, me too. All this didn’t go to waste, which it definitely would’ve considering Lisa couldn’t stay, so thank you.”

“You’re welcome” she smiled, as she took a sip of wine.

He saw a speck of melted chocolate on the side of her lips and lifted his hand.

But the wind won’t blow

You really shouldn’t go

It only goes to show

“Hey, you got a little chocolate… right there” he murmured as he swiped his thumb across her lips and removed it.

“Oh” she gasped. “Thanks.”

The song continued to play as they looked at each other, their faces close as their eyes met.

That you will be mine

By taking our time, ooh

Before he could think twice about it, Dean leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. It took her a second, but quickly her lips moved against his. The kiss became heated instantly, their lips moving together sensually. He moved forward between her legs and wrapped his arms around her waist, as her arms went around his neck at the same time her legs wrapped around his hips. Her fingers combed through his hair, her fists tightening in the short spikes as he softly bit her bottom lip. She moaned into the kiss as his hands pulled her in, trying to get as close to her as possible.

And if you say to me tomorrow

Oh what fun it all would be

Then what’s to stop us, pretty baby

But what is and what should never be

Dean’s lips left hers as they trailed down, nipping at her jaw and moving down further. He nipped at her neck, causing another moan to leave her as he found her weak spot. She brought him in closer, gripping the short hair at the back of his head, tight. He slowly slipped his hand under her loose sweater, the heat of his hand meeting her back and spreading through her body. When his hand travelled up her back, the spell she was under broke.

Y/N pulled away from Dean, looking up into his green eyes. They were dark and blown wide from the moment of weakness they both just had, and she was sure hers were the same. She pushed herself away from him, her legs falling away from as he moved out of her space.

“I can’t do this” she said, frantically shaking her head.

She quickly hopped off the bench, looking for her phone. It was still on the island where she had left it. She quickly picked it up and ran towards the door.

Dean snapped out of his trance and followed behind her. “Y/N, wait!”

She didn’t hear him as she swung the door open and raced out, bounding down the stairs as she ran across the street.

Dean watched from the threshold as she ran into her house, shutting the door behind her. He thought that he should go over there, but knew it wasn’t a good idea. He stepped back in and closed the door. He ran his hands through his hair, messing up the spikes and ran them back down his face. He walked back into the kitchen, replaying what just happened over and over in his head. He had lost control and the guilt was beginning to settle in. Lisa didn’t deserve that, no matter how bad things were between them. He shouldn’t have done that with Y/N, she didn’t need this.

As he ran his hand over his lips, however, he closed his eyes. He could still her lips, still feel her touch on his body, still feel the smoothness of her skin against his hands. In that moment, it felt so right to be in her arms. It hadn’t felt wrong.

He knew now that he had just complicated things even more. Every fibre within him wanted to be close to her again, but he couldn’t.

He just had to try even harder now, with Lisa. That was the only way to not think about Y/N anymore.

That was the only way to fix things.

Y/N slammed the door behind her as she entered her house. She breathed heavily, her frantic run from Dean’s had winded her. She walked into the kitchen and opened the tap at the sink, flicking specks of water at her face. She took out a glass and filled it, gulping the water down.

Once she had calmed down slightly, her mind wandered back to what happened. She had kissed Dean. Dean, who was in a relationship. Dean, who was practically a father to a student in her class. Dean, who made her laugh and let her tell her story, without judging her. Dean, who said she was strong. Dean, who told her she was beautiful. Dean, who made her feel safe. Dean, who she was starting to have real feelings for.

It felt right to be with him, when it should’ve felt wrong. She was a horrible person and she never should’ve gone over there tonight.

She couldn’t see him again. Yes, it would be hard considering their close proximity, but she couldn’t. She had to forget about how she felt and remember he had a family. A family that didn’t deserve this, even if things were rocky.

She had to let go of Dean, when every instinct was telling her to pull him in and hold him tight.

She had to let him go, no matter how much it hurt.

She had to let him go, because it was the right thing to do.

-x-

Tags: @flamencodiva @deanwanddamons @winchest09 @katehuntington @akshi8278 @hobby27 @michellethetvaddict @spngirl05 @kyjey @halesandy @440mxs-wife @stoneyggirl @deanswaywardgirl @wonder-cole @that-one-gay-girl @redbarn1995 @marianita195 @babypink224221 @deans-baby-momma @parinarain @thoughts-and-funnies @mandalou29 @castiels-a-winchester @ellewritesfix05​

[gojosslxt]

☽ 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕞𝕠𝕠𝕟’𝕤 𝕓𝕖𝕒𝕦𝕥𝕚𝕗𝕦𝕝, 𝕚𝕤𝕟’𝕥 𝕚𝕥 ? ☾

part 2 of the megumi one shot I wrote before but this only being fluff >.<

song recommendations:

cigarette daydreams | cage the elephant

what once was | her’s

...

you jumped out your window, still a bit overwhelmed with what just happened in your room, Megumi already waiting, looking at you with an expectant expression on his face. “Ready?”, he said while giving you a soft, cute smile, his hands completely sunk into his puffy jacket’s pockets. You nod while shaking a little because of the coolness that had spread itself through the fresh night’s air. He chuckles, pulling you a bit closer to him.

“Shall I give you my jacket or-“ he says, your still widened eyes looking up at him with that confused look of yours. Just as you turned your head a bit to the side, looking up at your room’s window, he lets out a sigh, turning your face with his index finger and thumb back towards his direction again.

“Look y/n. What I did wasn’t actually meant serious in any way. I know I went too far, forgive me?” he suddenly says looking you as intensely into the eyes as you did, hoping for any kind of forgiveness while all you did was smiling again, feeling a slight breath of relief tickling your nose. He was just caring too much...Overthinking literally every little thing he ever said or did to you, never letting anything unsettling you in any kind of way. The way he would always scan your face in any kind of situation, trying to understand. Trying to understand the way you would want to be treated. The way you would want to be loved. Always listening properly to every single thing you’d said. Never cutting you off and so, not letting you finish. Loving the way to see you laugh, laugh about your own little jokes. Showing you the huge amount of affection he has for towards you by his sweet little gestures, never failing to impress you. All the things he’d do to never let you wait for him, always showing up on time. Always being there for you. Always checking up on you. Always showing you that he really loved.

Loved you.

But wasn’t that one of the significant reasons you truly loved him back?

The little smile was still plastered on your face, Megumi looking at you still a bit confused.

“Y/N?” he says in a soft tone, snapping you out of your mumbling reflection, causing you to let out a chuckle when seeing the concern you’ve caused him.

“It’s okay. I love you.” you said before instantly leaning in and kissing him softly, his hand caressing your now already cold cheek with his one hand, letting you melt even more under his touch.

“Been a long time since I’ve been this worried about anything related to you...” he slowly whispers against your lips causing you to shiver.

“I’m so sorry Meg... it’s just that teasing me in a slightly degrading way is just very unlikely of you“

“Yeah, you’re probably right, I shouldn’t have done this...”

“Well actually I like the thought, it was just a bit...unexpected” you reply, looking back into his eyes, noticing his now really wide grin.

“Well you don’t really have to tell me that you kinda have both, degrading and praising kink” he says while slightly laughing.

“Not the kinks Meg, not now...” you say while rolling your eyes, also smiling at him.

Meanwhile he had already given you his jacket, one of his arms wrapped around your shoulders.

“Also why would you call me Meg? I thought I already told you a few times now that it sounded like an old woman’s dog’s name” he said in an ironically sad tone as you two started walking.

“And even if, I think it’s really cute and fits you somehow, don’t you think” you say while chuckling a bit.

“Well if you really insist on it” he answers in a kind tone, causing you to look up at him.

You were so lost into his beautiful looks that you almost tripped.

Both of you bursting out laughing and talking about everything, you didn’t even notice that you two have almost reached the big city center, always buying some little snacks at the little gas station a few hundred meters away from it.

...

“I missed that place” you said letting yourself down onto the trimmed meadow of the big hill you would often spend time on with Megumi, either watching the sky at night or either having a little picknick on it. It was just one of your favorite places to go to.

“I thought we went here just yesterday?” he now says also laying back into the grass.

“Oh wow...”

It was quiet for a while, both of you admiring the big full moon shining down on you.

“The moon’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

“You’re right- Wait, isn’t that a way to say-“

‘’I love you?“ you both said.

Yeah I know” he said both of you now staring at each other intensely, two little smiles plastered on both your faces.

...

[janicho88]

Falling For You -Part 2

October

Pairing- Eventual Dean x Female!Reader,  Dean x Lisa(past),  Female!Reader x OMC Justin(past)

Word Count-4008

Warning- Mentions of cheating, little angst, some swearing, fluff. This is going to be a bit of a slow burn. Haunted woods.  Talk of trying to fake a pregnancy, manipulation, trying to steal from significant other/ falsify documents,  Lisa is awful, Justin isn’t much better, talk of being pressured into doing things you don’t want to.  I think that is it

A/N- I had an idea for a one shot, and giving a backstory to Dean and the Reader meeting took on a life of its own. This story is AU, and un beta’d.

Summary- After being burned before you had sworn off finding love for now. Coming home from work one night there is a strange man pounding on your door.  Neither of you knew what this meeting would lead to.

Series Masterlist

The next week kept you busy at work and not giving you much free time in the evening.  Coming or going you always kept an eye out for your new friend though, not seeing him again till the weekend.  Heading back to your apartment after your Saturday morning workout you ran into Dean coming out of his brother’s apartment. 

“Hi stranger, how is everything coming together for you?”

“Hey Y/N, it’s coming.  I found a job, starting a week from Monday.  Still looking for a place though, guess I’ll be crashing with Sam a little longer and putting my stuff in storage up here till I find something.  Work slow down for you yet?”

“Congrats on the new job!  No, not yet.  A family emergency came up, and our new person can’t start till next week.  At least there is a light at the end though.  I hate to run on you, but I’m supposed to be meeting Meg, and I really need a shower.  Talk to you later?”

“Sure, see ya around.”

With the wedding dress found it was time to find Bridesmaid dresses.  Hopefully this went a little better.  Her wedding colors were red, black and silver, you would be happier with a black dress, but Meg was thinking red.  The color of fire, this wedding was going to be hot she said. 

Thankfully you and the 2 bridesmaids Ruby and Sarah were on the same page about finding one and getting done.  None of you wanted to try on tons of dresses. Meg actually approving of the third one you found.  They were free to leave after that, you got to go help her set up a gift registry.  Your fingers were crossed these next six months until the April wedding went fairly quick. Done for the day, she suggested meeting up with Cas and his best man so you could finally meet him.

The guys were meeting you at a local pizza shop so you could grab dinner and talk.  Walking in with Meg you quickly saw Cas, and getting closer to the table, recognized the spiky sandy brown haired man across from him.  Sliding in next to Dean you mentioned how he never said anything about being the best man, when you said you were the maid of honor. 

“Sorry, I think my head was still on other topics then.” He answered you with a small smile

“Wait, you two already know each other?”  Cas questioned looking between you both.

“Yeah, I live across the hall from his brother, remember Cas?”

“I do now.”

“No one ever told me that you and Sam knew each other from Kansas though.”

“I guess we didn’t think about it.”

It was an enjoyable evening out with your friends.  You found out more about Dean’s new job, he found a small auto shop hiring a head mechanic.  The owner, Bobby, had done most of the work himself but was looking to cut back and possibly retire in a few years.  If Dean was still around then and interested he might sell the shop to him.  There was a part time mechanic working there also, Benny.  Dean seemed to think they would get along well.

Dean gave you a ride back so Meg could take Cas with her since they lived in the opposite direction as you two.  “I don’t think I told you last week, but I really like your car.”

“Thanks, Baby is my one true girl.”

“Baby?”

Patting the top of the dash Dean glanced over and smiled at you, “That’s her name.”

You just smiled back, “It’s very nice Dean, I hope the two of you will be very happy together. 

Closer to home Dean told you he was renting a car and leaving for Kansas tomorrow.  He would turn the car in there and drive a Uhaul back with Sam the following weekend.  Apparently his brother wasn’t the best driver and he didn’t trust him to drive that far with his car or the uhaul filled with his belongings.  Sam was flying home later in the week to meet up with him.  Giving him a quick hug outside your apartment door you wished him safe travels and good luck, telling him you would see him when he got back. 

Quickly entering your apartment and shutting the door, you were trying to figure out why you hugged him, and why you suddenly were overthinking it.  You were friends, friends hugged right?  No reason to give it a second thought.

Friday night there was a knock on your door, but you weren’t expecting anyone.  Opening it you were surprised to find Jess on the other side with a pizza box and a bottle of wine.

“Hey, I thought I’d see if you were up for some company.  Sam and Dean started the drive back this afternoon, so it’s just me over there.”

“Sure!  Come on in.”  The two of you spent the evening watching bad romance moves and talking about the brothers.  Jess had known Sam since they were in undergrad at Stanford, and had a few stories to tell you about both of them.  It was nice to learn a little more about Dean.  

When Jess had more wine in her she opened up about Dean’s breakup.  “I met the cheating bitch a few times and never cared for her.  She thought she was better than everyone, always pushing Dean to buy her things, jewelry and fancy clothes.  Apparently she started asking Dean some questions that he thought were weird but told himself she must have been taking an interest in things he liked for once.”

She paused to take a drink of wine. “When Dean was packing up after he kicked her out he discovered some stuff in his safe had been moved around, insurance papers, information on stocks he owns, and even his will was in a new place.  I guess he didn’t think much of it; he was too caught up in the cheating mess, till a lawyer's office called the house like a week later and left a message saying they needed to come in and sign the last paper.  Lisa had either made a copy of his signature or forged it and was trying to put things in her name and change his will for her to inherit even if they weren’t married.  He called Sam because he needed legal help to straighten the mess up and make sure she got nothing.  

Sam went down one weekend and helped him clean it up.  They were looking up something on Dean’s laptop and one of them typed in a wrong word or start of one and some crazy past searches came up.  They looked for more and found searches relating to Dean and what he owns, what his business was worth.  There was even a search on how to fake a pregnancy test.  Sam thinks she was going to try and trick Dean into marrying her if she couldn’t change the papers on her own.  She was stupid enough to use Dean’s computer.  His parents don’t know, he doesn’t want them too.”      

“The first night I met Dean I called him by his last name and he asked something about how I knew and if I looked him up.  I get why now.”

“Dean’s a lot more guarded now.”  She gave you a lot of information to take in, no wonder he wasn’t looking to date again.

The next afternoon a commotion in the hall drew your attention.  Opening the door you found Sam and Dean struggling with some boxes they were both carrying across the hall.  You asked if they needed help, but neither heard you over Sam complaining about Dean not knowing how to pack a box.  Dean was in turn instructing Sam to be careful with the valuables. Seeing you just before he turned inside Dean gave you a wink and said he would talk to you later.

A few hours later a knock at the door had you hoping for a green eyed man on the other side.  Opening it you had gotten your wish.  “Hey, I was heading out to grab some dinner.  Give Sam and Jess some time together, thought I’d see if you wanted to join me?”  

“I actually have lasagna in the oven, it should be done in 20.  Would you like to join me here?” 

Dean’s eyes lit up at the thought of a homemade meal and he readily accepted.  Entering your apartment he removed his coat and asked if he could help with anything.  Handing him the drink he asked for, you told him everything was all set.  Salad was made and the pasta and bread were in the oven.  You washed some dishes while waiting and Dean grabbed a towel to help dry.  The two of you working together easily and talking about Dean’s trip back to Kansas.  When dinner was ready you dished it up setting Dean’s infront of him.  You noticed he wasn’t a big fan of the salad though.

“This is great, my mom isn’t much of a cook so it’s simple meals or take out at their house.  Sam and Jess cook, but it’s not real food.  He gets these plant or veggie burgers, kale and some green shakes.  I need real meat and carbs.”

“Well, you are welcome to stop over here when it gets to be too much. I’m sure I could find something that would save you.”

“Thanks sweetheart, I may take you up on that.”

When you were both finished and everything was cleaned you invited Dean to stay and watch a movie.  It was to give Sam and Jess more time alone you told yourself.  Dean was just a friend, you were hanging out with. 

A short time later your oven timer went off again and you disappeared to pull out the desert you had made.  Grabbing some ice cream from the freezer and cutting into the hot treat you once again plated it up and took some to Dean warning him it was still hot.  You didn’t think Dean’s eyes could go any bigger than they did when you handed him the fresh baked apple pie.  Taking a giant bite his eyes almost rolled back in his head.

“This is incredible, one of the best I’ve ever had.  Trust me I’ve had a lot of pie.”

“I’m sure it’s not really that special, but thanks anyways.”  

“No, I’m serious. Love me some apple.”

“Fall is a good time for apples here.  I would love to go to the orchard some time and pick my own, or even just hang out there one day.  I’ve gone a few times as a kid, but I haven’t been in years.”

“You just want to go hang out with apple trees?”

“Not exactly, there is a lot to do this time of year. Apple picking, pumpkin patches, corn maze, hayrides and a store where they sell baked goods,  fresh produce and other things.  I just think it would be fun sometime.  Maybe next year, I’ll find someone to go with me.”

“Tell you what, you pick a weekend next year and I’ll go with you.  Speaking of weekends, do you have anything going on next Saturday?”

“Um, a baby shower for a friend in the early afternoon. Then catching up on some work around here, why?”

“One of Jess’ friends is having a big Halloween party, she invited me in hopes of getting Sam to lighten up about it.  He’s not a fan of Halloween.  Anyway she said I could bring a friend if you want to go.  It’s a costume party in some old barn.”

You thought about it for a minute.  Was he asking you out, neither of you were supposed to be looking to date right now. He did say bring a friend though.  “I think I can manage that, I’ll have to see if I have a costume.”

“Great! I think she said it starts at 8, there’s supposed to be some haunted woods too.  Not a corn maze, but it can still be fun.  I’ll let you know what time she wants to leave, you don’t care if we ride together right?”

“Nope, not at all.”  At least if you were with his brother and Jess it wasn’t a date.  Why were you so worried anyway?  Dean left a short time later and you cleaned up and got ready for bed. 

The new girl you were training, Anna was finally starting to catch on in her second week.  This meant you were able to get more of your work done, and not have to stay too late.  You needed to find a costume and a baby gift sometime before Saturday. Running into Jess in the hall one night, you asked if you needed to bring anything Saturday. There wasn’t anything, and she was  just happy that you were joining them. 

Since you had just over a week until Halloween many of the costumes were already picked over, you weren’t looking to meet up with anyone so you were also trying to avoid anything too revealing.  Plus it was outside in the evening, and temps were falling so you didn’t want to freeze either.  Finally finding something you deemed would work at the third store you tried.

Saturday came faster than you had hoped.  The shower went well, Kelly was so excited to meet her little boy in a few short months.  You couldn’t wait to spoil him!  Doing a quick grocery store run, you headed home to try and clean a little before you had to get ready.  When 7:30 rolled around you were ready for the knock on your door. 

Opening the door you bit back a laugh at the sight before you, “Howdy Sheriff.”

Dean shook his head sending you a fake smile, “This was one of the few adult costumes left.”

“That’s what you get for waiting till yesterday to get your outfit Dean,”  Sam rolled his eyes, also trying not to laugh at his brother’s attire. He and Jess were dressed as Sandy and Danny from Greece.  

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I had this awesome Batman costume, but it’s in one of the boxes in storage and couldn't find it.  Oh well, cowboys are awesome too.”

“Yeah, but Dean you're a toy cowboy,”  Sam wasn’t able to hide the smile that time.

He sent Sam a glare before turning back to you, “I’m still a cowboy and a sheriff, I can still protect the princess here.  All ready?”

“Yep, I’m good to go.”

You rode in the back with Jess, Dean pouting up front because Sam decided to take his own car instead of riding in Dean’s.  Jess was telling you Sam didn’t want to dress up at all, but she was able to talk him into Danny since it was his own clothes except for the leather jacket and just some hair dye and gel. 

Arriving at Jess’ friends you and Dean followed behind as they led the way to the barn.  They had definitely put a lot of work into the decorations.  There were pumpkins and jack-o’-lanterns everywhere.  Some real, some plastic and other scary Halloween creatures along with orange lights strung all around. 

 There was a dance floor with the DJ already playing and round tables and chairs set up around the floor and a buffet in the back.  

You had never been to a Halloween party this big before.  Jess introduced you and Dean to some of her friends who Sam already knew.  Dean grabbed the two of you drinks and you sat down at a table taking everything in.  This was a little more than you were expecting.  

Sam found you a short time later, Jess was ready to go through the haunted woods they had set up and wanted to know if you two wanted to join.

“I’m game.  How about you, Y/N? Sheriff Dean will protect you.”

“Who can turn that down?”  Scary things weren’t your favorite, but you had a feeling if you said no Dean wouldn’t have gone either and you didn’t want him to miss out.  Justin had hated how some things would scare you, and you wouldn’t want to do something.  According to him you would ruin his fun, you weren’t going to do that to Dean. If you were with the three of them it shouldn’t be too bad.  

Wrong, wrong, oh so wrong!  You were going to have nightmares for a month after that. Most of the actors scaring you had come from the front or side, so you had ended up in the back hiding behind Dean to avoid everyone.  Jess had turned around to say something to you when you noticed her eyes getting bigger.  Quickly turning around you were certain they could have heard your scream in Ohio.  There was a creepy looking person behind you wearing a mask with a white face, green teeth and red eyes holding a giant knife above your head.  You never heard him come up or had any idea he was following you. 

Hearing you scream Dean turned and pulled you close to his chest and then turned the two of you back around so you were no longer facing that character.  He kept you close until you were out of the woods.  When you went back to the barn he took you over to your seat before grabbing you some water.  Kneeling down in front of you, his green eyes carefully looking you over.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m great.”

“You want to try that again?  Especially since you are still shaking?

“I’m really sorry.  I’m not the biggest fan of scary things.  That really caught me off guard.”  

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t want to ruin it for anyone else.  I’ll be fine, really.”  

“Sweetheart, we need to work on your communication skills.  First that bar, now this.  If something is going to affect you like this, you gotta say something.”

“I’m okay, really.  Sorry to ruin it.”

“You didn’t ruin anything.  Sit here a minute I’ll be back.”  Dean walked off coming back a few minutes later with some food for both of you.  

Sitting next to Dean you stared at the plate he put in front of you before talking. 

 “Justin took me to Cedar Point one day with some friends of his, all other couples.  I’m terrified of heights and dropping too, he knew this beforehand.  I’m more of a spin me girl, as long as it’s not too far off the ground.  They were all excited about going on the biggest coaster there, I told them I would watch everyone’s stuff while they went.  This one takes your picture on the way down, one of the girls said if I wasn’t there some stranger would be in the picture with all of them.  Justin took me aside and said when I don’t participate in these things it makes him look bad and ruins his good time.  I should be a better girlfriend and do what he wants.”

“I would really like to introduce your ex to my fist.  If something is bothering you, I really want you to speak up, no matter what, okay.”

“Okay, thanks Dean.”

  When Sam and Jess caught back up to you, she pulled you out to the dance floor with her since her fiancé wasn’t interested.  The guys watched as the two of you enjoyed yourselves.

Arriving back at your apartment that night, Dean followed you in to make sure you were going to be alright.  You assured him you would be fine.  What you didn’t tell him was you were going to be sleeping with the lights on tonight.  He did a quick check of your apartment before going back across the hall.  

Halloween was the following Friday, Meg invited you over to her and Cas’ place to hang out while they handed out candy to the trick or treaters.  Cas had also invited Dean, Sam and Jess.  He must have told Dean you were coming because Dean offered to drive you over with them.

The phone in your pocket started going off snapping you out of your daydreams, “Hello.”

“Hey Y/N, are you still home?”

“Yeah, why what’s up Dean?”

“I’ve been knocking on your door for a few minutes now, everything okay?”

“Yeah,”  looking down you saw the time on your watch.  “I’m sorry I lost track of time. I was sitting on the patio and didn’t hear you.”  Rushing inside you locked the door behind you before quickly letting Dean in.  

“Sorry, let me grab these and I’m good to go.” Grabbing your Halloween sweatshirt and the two containers sitting on your counter you were headed back to the door.

“What’s in there?”

“Oh I got bored last night and made some Halloween sugar cookies and pumpkin cake bars with apple cider glaze for today.”

Dean just looked at you as you rode the elevator down to meet Sam and Jess, “What is that look for?”

“Well, are you going to give me one?”  You were a little lost and just stared back.  “Oh sorry, forgot the magic words, trick or treat.  May I have my treat now?” He asked, pointing to the containers.

“Oh sorry, sure, the bars are a little crumbly, but you can have a cookie now. 

He took a big bite of the orange pumpkin shaped cookie.  “It’s not your apple pie, but it’s very good, sweetheart.” 

The guys disappeared into the basement when you arrived, apparently there was some horror movie marathon on, you were just fine avoiding that.  You three ladies hung out in the living room so you would hear kids coming to the door, and watched the Halloweentown movies on TV.  Meg and Jess compared wedding notes and talked about their different frustrations.  Jess and Sam were getting married in July.

You were happy for your friends, but if you were being honest, also a little jealous.  They had found great guys, been with them for years, now they were getting ready to walk down the aisle to them.  You had thought by the time you were 27 you would be settling down too.  Instead you were swearing off dating right now.  Your Mr Right seems to have taken some wrong turns somewhere and wouldn’t ask for directions.  Apparently you zoned out from the conversation because both girls were looking at you.  “Sorry, what’s up?”

“I was saying I’m not sure I would be cut out for the matron of honor duties when you get married.  We all know I don’t have the patience.  You could have Jess, and we know Sam would be the best man, it would work out great.”

Yep, you definitely missed something. “Wait, when and who am I marrying, and why is Sam already the best man?”

“Really Y/N?”  Meg giving you her best bitch face, “when you and Dean get married.”

“You guys make such a great couple!  I’m so glad he found you!  Lisa was just awful to him from the start, and to cheat on him like that.”  

Lisa must be the reason he left Kansas, no one mentioned her name before.  “Guys we’re just friends, we aren’t a couple or even dating.  Neither one of us want to get back out there right now.”

“Y/N, you can’t let Justin ruin your chance at happiness, it’s been over four months now.  At some point you need to get back out there.  Deano is one of the good ones, you are going to regret it if you let him go.”

“Meg, Dean doesn’t want to date anyone either.  We really are just friends, just hanging out.”

When you walked away to hand out candy, Meg turned to Jess, “any idea how long those two are going to stay in denial about how they feel?”  Jess just shook her head as they both stared after you.

Part 3

Thank you for reading!

Tags- @talesmaniac89 @katehuntington @winchest09 @flamencodiva @whatareyousearchingfordean @waywardbeanie @deanwanddamons @smol-and-grumpy @emoryhemsworth @anathewierdo @malfoysqueen14 @superfanficnatural @jensengirl83 @atc74 @sandlee44 @akshi8278  @fantasydevil2002

Falling For You tags- @halesandy @abuavnee @hearteyes-j2 @vicmc624​ @440mxs-wife​ @wonder-cole​

[nyisles]

Magic in the Hamptons

Part Five

part one | part two | part three | part four 

Player: Mathew Barzal 

Words: 3k 

Warnings: language

Notes: long long long long overdue, but i’m too critical of my writing which makes it so hard to write something i feel is good enough for y’all.. But please leave feedback. It makes writing all this feel worth it! also it’s hard to write angst???

         As soon as your foot was set through the door of your apartment you peeled off the islanders t-shirt. It just made you feel dirty and used. You really wanted to be ok with this and not be upset, maybe you were overthinking your relationship/ friendship/ whatever-ship this was with Mat? Though replaying past events in your mind, you didn’t understand how he could’ve possibly thought inviting his ex-girlfriend to the game was a good idea and it did really seem like the two of you were going to be exclusive, it seemed like he was spending all his free time with you. You both were in contact every single day, how could he have possibly had time to do this to you? It honestly didn’t matter anymore. Changing into sweats, you washed your face trying to get rid of the redness from all the tears you’d let out on the ride home. You just needed to cool down and process things. Flicking on netflix, you settled on watching some John Mulaney special, you were on the market for a pick me up that actually made you laugh out loud. 

         Maybe ten minutes into the special you heard your apartment door buzz, you weren’t expecting any company and it was already past midnight and you didn’t order any take out. Going up to your buzzer, you pressed the ‘talk’ button. “Hello?” you questioned, pressing the listen button to hear the mystery guest had to say. “I just want to talk.” Your heart dropped into your stomach hearing the male voice. “So talk.” You said to Mat. There weren’t any voices he could’ve been confused with. You just wanted to know why he was here and not with Whitney, or more importantly at his own apartment. “Face to face, (Y/N).” 

         Letting out a sigh, you had no idea why, but you pressed the unlock button letting him into your building. Realizing you had a minute or two to yourself before he was able to climb up the stairs in your walk-up, you headed into the kitchen taking out a wine glass and filling it up to the brim. Taking a huge gulp before the knock on the door interrupted you. Behind the door was Mat looking awfully disheveled. His gameday suit was now missing the blazer, and what was formerly a crisp white button down was now a wrinkly wine stained mess. At least you both were on the same page about having a tall glass of wine before you spoke. “So can I come in or are you going to make me stand here?” He said plainly. No smile, no anger in his voice either, his eyes did look tired, but to be fair the boy had just played a professional hockey game. He seemed completely indifferent to the situation. No words exited your mouth, you just stepped to the side opening the door a bit wider so he could make his way into your apartment. Normally he makes himself comfortable on the couch in your living room but he just paced around a little unsure of where to go. Looking at your kitchen counter he let out an uncomfortable laugh seeing the wine, “Looks like we both had the same idea...” he trailed off scratching the back of his neck. 

         “Cut the bullshit.” was the first thing that came out of your mouth. It was so honest that it almost took you by surprise. If Mat being here brought anything good into your life, at least it was a little bit of a backbone. “What are you doing here? You don’t understand what ‘leave me alone’ means?” You said moving into the kitchen, leaving him to follow behind you.

         Looking back you saw his jaw clench, “If I recall your text it was ‘don’t contact me’ which can be interpreted a little differently.” Mat said starting to get a bit angrier in his tone, probably because of the way you were acting, but he deserved it. He really made you look stupid in front of a large group of people you were still getting to know, most of your interactions were while you were intoxicated. Mat had to realize you were in a vulnerable state, he had brought you into his world, and then he did that. “And by the way, have you ever thought about how you embarrassed me?” You were mid-sip of your wine when you choked a little bit, not believing one word of what he was saying. You embarrassing him? All it took was that one little sentence to completely get you in your head. You understood you didn’t quite fit the bill of what a WAG looked like or acted like or how they always came through to games in head to toe designer. Or maybe you embarrassed him in the way you were acting - as if the two of you were a couple? You were unsure, but it quickly made your eyes burn, feeling another round of tears just ready to go. “If you felt that way you should’ve just let me stay home.”

         “If I had known that you would just walk out on me, I probably would’ve.” it’s when he said that the tears started to roll down your face. His face didn’t even show any sort of remorse when he recognized what he said struck a nerve. This wasn’t the Mat you knew. That Mat you’d grown to like so much was much softer, he’d make you laugh at any opportunity and contrary to what he’d let his friends know, he was sensitive. You’d seen him tear up during the episode of the office when Jim and Pam got married. “So you’ve come over here to make me feel worse?” You said quietly not feeling as strong as you had in the beginning of the conversation. “You can leave now, you win. You’ve made me cry… a second time in 24 hours, okay?”

         “I just want to have one honest conversation with you.” Mat said, grabbing the wine glass of your hand and putting it down on the counter looking directly into your eyes. It was the first time his hazel eyes had pierced your soul in a way that made you uncomfortable. This was the first time his gaze made you feel like you weren’t in your own home, but some strange alternate universe. “I’m fucking mad, you know why? I invited this girl, who I thought was cool to come hang out with my friends and I on an important night for me to then make me look like a fucking criminal after.”

         You let out this startled laugh, “Which girl are you referring to? Me or your ex? Because I don’t remember thinking that I was going to be part of some bachelor episode fighting for your attention. Stupidly enough, I thought things between us were going to turn into something.”

         “Yeah, well you sure as hell fooled me too.” Mat spat out.

         “You realize how fucked up in the head you are for inviting two girls to the game, don’t you?” you said, raising your voice, wiping away some of the tears, now letting your sadness turn into anger. You were flopping back and forth between emotions and it was exhausting. “Am I some sort of joke to you? Just a friend who you kiss when your girlfriend is out of town.”

         “Fuck this, I’m going home. Keep feeling bad for yourself, (Y/N). It’s pathetic.” was all that Mat could say as he looked around at everything in your kitchen except for you. “You won’t even let me talk” He said while you let out another laugh, this time exaggerated and loud and full of disdain, you picked up your wine glass taking another large sip, finishing off whatever was left in the glass. “You should be with the girl you flew in from out of town, Matty. She was so thrilled you left her ticket that I’m surprised she let you get away.” you said, doing your best to imitate her voice when you said his name, it still rang so clearly in your head. You could only imagine Whitney being in the passenger seat of his car right now, waiting for this conversation to be over so the two of them could go out on some fancy date at a fancy restaurant where he’d take someone who wasn’t so embarrassing. Maybe that’s why most of your dates had just been at each other's apartments. 

         “If you really think that I did that to you then you’re right. I have no purpose in coming here. You don’t know me at all.” Mat said, he made his way back to the front door of your apartment seeing his clothes in a messy pile. You could see him roll his eyes giving them a kick further in the corner, “You should wash them before finding a way to give them back to me.” and with that he left, slamming the door behind him. 

- - - 

         You hadn’t spoken to Mat for a week, and in hockey season that might as well have counted for a whole month between the home games, away games and travel time. To be fair you hadn’t planned on speaking to him anytime soon, you did though have your friends keep tabs on Whitney, who they reported was on a flight home the morning after the game. What you did know was that the Isles had been on a bit of a losing streak, and it didn’t even bring you the joy you thought it might knowing Mat would be pissed off. You did get a sweet text from Grace inviting you out to lunch though you politely declined saying you were feeling a bit overwhelmed from a busy work week. What you didn’t expect was another buzz at your apartment door. “It’s Meg…” “And Grace.” “And Syd.” You heard the three separate voices, which honestly made you a little bit uncomfortable. You could pretend you weren’t home, or you could tell them you were feeling sick, but both options just felt wrong to a group of girls who’d done nothing but try to make you feel welcome into their group. It was practically an obligation not to leave three pregnant women standing in the chilly october air, so you buzzed them in. 

         “We come with gifts” Megan said when you popped your door open seeing them with brown take away bags from your favorite sushi place. It was all so odd to you knowing that these girls had taken you in a little too prematurely, because surely you were finished with Mat. He had made that very clear the night he left your apartment. He didn’t want much to do with you, and there wasn’t much you wanted to do with him. He’d played you since you’d first met him at Sydney’s wedding. The first strike was him not texting you for weeks, the second being the time Tito interrupted your date to talk about Whitney, the third being the home opener. You had no more chances left to give. Weren’t the early stages of talking to someone supposed to be fun and easy? You’d had the same amount of fun times and dates as fights which was ridiculous. You weren’t made to be some athlete’s girlfriend and Mat had kindly reminded you that during your fight when he called you embarrassing. When you recounted the events to your friends you left that part out, you didn’t want to even bring it up, it just hurt too much. There were a lot of slight digs that you didn’t want to bring up because they hit differently.

         “If i’d known you girls were going to force lunch upon me I would’ve met you at the restaurant instead of making you all walk up four flights of steps.” speaking softly you invited them in to put the bags down on the coffee table in the living room figuring you all could eat there. “Well we have a lot of catching up to do, so this works.” Sydney said bringing in more bags of food, placing them on the table, as Grace held up a bouquet of flowers. “From Mat” she said softly. You gulped, taking them from her, putting them on a side table plucking out the note. “I guess we all have a lot of catching up to do.” you muttered opening up the card beginning to read it aloud. “These don’t even cover half of how sorry I am. I’m -” you stopped reading aloud and silently instead. 

‘These don’t even cover half of how sorry I am. I wasn’t honest with you and I'm miserable thinking of everything I said. I wish I could re-do that conversation at your apartment. Sounds stupid, but it’s even stupider making some florist write out this card. Please call me. - MB.’

         “He’s right, he really is miserable.” Meg said, as you looked up at her, Grace shot her a glare. “Megan… we didn’t read the card.” You couldn’t help but to smile, it felt better having them here as opposed to your other girlfriends. Your girlfriends didn’t quite get it, and they didn’t know Mat. They didn’t understand how in such a short time you had become so connected to Mat and how that was ripped away from you in minutes and a fight that was so meaningless and led to no real resolution. 

         “Well the flowers are lovely, but I don’t think I want to call anyone.” 

         “Just think about it. We can all agree Mat wasn’t himself, it’s fucked.” Grace said, “Now let’s just eat, I’m tired from all those steps. I gotta refuel.” The girls managed to spend the rest of the lunch not pestering you so much, just discussing upcoming halloween plans, babies, and how to get you to go to lunch with them more often. It was refreshing and honestly quite nice. 

- - - 

         It's been another week, and another month in hockey time. Ever since the girls had come to your apartment with their ulterior motives of getting you to talk to Mat, he had stepped his game up. The poor boy had tried to call your cell phone at least five times within the past two days. He managed to sprinkle in some creative ‘miss you’ texts without being so blatantly obvious. Didn’t matter though, as fate would have it you’d find him in a place you least expected it. Right in the middle of a grocery store, with Tito. The two of them laughing in the baking aisle as you watched Tito try to decide between two different boxes of cake mix. You wanted to turn around and run. Leave the cart full of groceries but you’d accidentally bumped into someone else’s cart trying to make the u-turn out of the aisle. “Shit” you mumbled, avoiding eye contact even though you felt their gaze burning into the side of your face. Hearing footsteps behind you and his voice calling out your name you politely turned around. You needed more self restraint. You watched him pick up his pace stepping in front of your cart, gripping onto it so you couldn’t roll it away. “I’ve been calling you. Texting too...” 

         “I don’t really have much to say.” speaking softly staring down at his beat up stan smiths that used to sit at your front entrance because he insisted that his mom raised him properly and he wouldn’t track his mud around your apartment. Slowly raising your gaze you noticed how different he looked since the last time you’d spoken. He just looked exhausted, the dark circles around his eyes a little bit more prominent. You’d recognized that the team was moving into a more game heavy part of their schedule so you tried to excuse it as that, and not the fact he was sending you late night texts trying to fix something that seemed too broken to repair. “I just… don’t have anything to say to someone that thinks so poorly of me.” 

         “(Y/N)” he said, taking in a deep breath, you couldn’t tell where he was going with this, and you knew he didn’t even know where he was going to go with this. He’d already groveled through the card and voicemails. “You know that’s not true at all. I have no problem making a scene in this store if it gets you to let me talk to you for just ten minutes to explain.” 

         “You might embarrass me in the way I embarrassed you.” was all you could say. God, his insults still stung and bringing them up again as you stood in front of him only made your eyes start to well up again. Embarrassing and feeling sorry for yourself, just as he had originally thought. Moving closer to you, he placed his hand gently on your upper arm that was still holding onto the cart. You wanted so badly to pull away, but he felt comforting. Normally with other guys you never had such trouble blowing them off, but everything about being with Mat felt different and maybe that’s why it hurt so much to be betrayed by him. “I think… no, I know my worst trait is speaking out of my ass. Now when can we talk, maybe privately? You deserve a hell of a lot more answers than I was able to give you before.”

         You shook your head looking anywhere other than his eyes that were dead set on you. Biting your lip you just shrugged, “Your place? I do have some shirts to return.” He nodded finally getting what he wanted. Pulling you close by the arm he was holding onto he kissed the top of your head. It wasn’t meant to be flirty, just something he’d done to try and comfort you. You were bothered by how the affection didn’t bother you, it didn’t make you feel any better about your situation, but you also didn’t want to claw his eyes out. “I’m leaving for some away games tomorrow, but I’ll text you later, yeah?”

         “Yeah. I’ll be around.”