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DASHBOARD DIARIES, EPISODE 2 - The Game (Unpacking Fandom Fallout) is On

We tackle a second - and shortest running - part of Superwholock: Sherlock. Lauren walks us through the rise and fall of the fandom for the TV show BBC Sherlock, explains the broad strokes of The Johnlock Conspiracy (TJLC), and admits the wild internet rumor she wanted to believe. Meanwhile, Cherokee is literally losing sleep over For All Mankind. Episode may induce flashbacks to the mid-2010s, spontaneous shipping of old ships, and deeply analysis of wallpaper. Share your Sherlock feels in our ask box or email us at [email protected]!

Credits and transcript under the cut. You can find transcripts for this, and every other episode, here.

Thank you Lindsay and Mallory for sharing your feels with us!

Find the posts discussed in this episode in this tag!

Credits, show notes, and transcript under the cut. You can find transcripts for this, and every other episode, here.

Dashboard Diaries is a production of Atypical Artists, hosted by Lauren Shippen and Cherokee McAnelly. Our theme was composed by Lauren Shippen and mixed by Brandon Grugle. Art by Shae McMullin. Transcription (which can be found on our Tumblr) by Laudable.

Sound effects: "Bad Beep" by RICHERlandTV; "Correct Answer / That's Right!" by Beetlemuse; "Weather Forecast Introduction" by SergeQuadrado; all licensed under the Attribution 3.0 License.

Mark Gattis + Steven Moffat Answertime

To learn more about TJLC, here are a few resources to get you started:

Decoder Ring Podcast Episode about TJLC

Vox Article About Shipping Culture (with a focus on Johnlock)

YouTuber Sarah Z Video Episode

101 from a TJLC-er

Insider Breakdown on r/HobbyDrama

[intro music]

Cherokee: Hello, soft, sad freaks. I’m Cherokee McAnelly, professional tumblr’er, and ship poster.

Lauren: And I am Lauren Shippen, professional writer, and a person who to this day still thinks of that one scene, you know what I’m talking about, whenever I plug in my phone and miss the plug.

Cherokee: And this is Dashboard Diaries, a podcast for you, the folks who are in this internet bunker with us. We talk about what’s going on our favorite hell site, get into what we like to call “Tumble’lore,” do fandom deep dives, and share the times when we’ve gone feral over a new ship. So, Lauren, what have you been up to this week? What have you been watching? What have you been thinking? What have you been feeling?

Lauren: Well, after our conversation last time I did watch all of The Bear in two sittings. And felt more stressed out than I have ever felt in my life. I absolutely adored it. It was just phenomenal. And I also went totally nuts over the finale of Ms Marvel, which was just incredibly delightful. And that show gave me everything that I could have wanted from a Ms Marvel TV show, except for the fact that I just want it to be 100 episodes. I want to watch it every single week until I die. So, I hope that there is a second season that comes sometime soon.

But, Cherokee, what about you? What have you been up to?

Cherokee: Well, first off, I am so glad that you watched and enjoyed The Bear.

Lauren: It’s so good.

Cherokee: I agree that watching it feels like taking the SAT’s but I can’t turn it off.

(laughter)

Lauren: Why is that so accurate?

Cherokee: Or, you know, the SpongeBob/Mr. Krabs’ meme where it’s like him in the middle and then everything is kind of spinning around him?

Lauren: Yes.

Cherokee: That. (laughs)

Lauren: Oh, my god. You’re so right.

Cherokee: So, yeah. So, this week I, thanks to you Lauren, watched two seasons of For All Mankind. So late.

Lauren: Which has episodes that are an hour and a half sometimes. (laughs)

Cherokee: Yes. I watched it till 3:30 in the morning, not once but twice.

Lauren: (laughs) Oh my god.

Cherokee: The second time I slept through my alarm and missed my 10:00 AM meeting.

Lauren: (laughs) Sorry, Tumblr.

Cherokee: If you are listening to this – don’t , if you’re my boss. Anyway, I really, really loved For All Mankind. I have lots of thoughts and feelings about it. But in addition to that, I watched the first episode of Supernatural, in the first step of this journey of watching every episode.

[rock riff]

Lauren: It has begun. Your Supernatural journey has begun. All right. Give me the low down. How was the first episode for you?

Cherokee: I really enjoyed it. I will admit. I have watched the first episode before.

Lauren: Sure.

Cherokee: I’ve probably seen the first episode three to four times because the amount of times I’ve been like, “I’m going to watch Supernatural.” And then I get distracted naturally by something because there are 15 seasons. But this time, y’all, I’m sticking to it. I’m sticking to my word.

Lauren: It’s happening.

Cherokee: I’m watching it. So, first episode of Supernatural, as you all know, that is the episode where the mom dies on the ceiling, as I described very perfectly last episode.

Lauren: Oh yeah!

Cherokee: Of course, the woman in white, which I think what a girl boss villain to start off with. Good for her. You know?

Lauren: Yes. We love a strong female.

Cherokee: A girl goddess, yeah, look at her go. She’s so powerful that even after the grave she’s still messing stuff up. I respect that. I wrote down some thoughts. The first one was: this was on network TV following the very graphic death of the mom, one scene in? And the second was: I forgot that Jeffrey Dean Morgan is in this. Just icon, love him. Also, I just wanted to note that Sam got a 174 on his LSAT and that is not quite as well as Elle Woods scored. Elle Woods got a 179. So, I just wanted to-

Lauren: You’re right!

Cherokee: ... just wanted to point that out. Sam did really well, but if we’re going by the Elle Woods’ scale, he should take it a couple more times.

Lauren: That’s true.

Cherokee: But I got a 168 on my practice LSAT. So, Sam did out-score me. And I look forward to watching the next episode. I love the reluctant savior trope. The coming back for one last ... “this is gonna be the last one” and then at the very end it’s like, “oh, we’re gonna kill monsters for 15 seasons.” So, yeah, I’m very into that trope. I’m in it. I’m ready to go. Yeah, I will be updating biweekly. Hopefully I watch more than one episode this time. But I was really-

Lauren: For All Mankind really sucked up that time.

Cherokee: It really did. It’s a thinker. So, wonderful week that we had. And speaking-

Lauren: Absolutely excellent.

Cherokee: Speaking of Supernatural and diving back 15 years in the past, let’s dive into our own archives with our Dashboard Confessions.

[guitar riff]

Lauren: Yes.

Cherokee: So, Lauren, what archive post were you checking out this week from your secret Tumblr?

Lauren: Well, it’s so funny because I decided to dive back into July of 2017. And what did I find but mostly Supernatural gifs. Genuinely, it’s like wall to wall. I mean, honestly, it’s a lot of Destiel. But it’s like wall to wall supernatural stuff because I started watching in earnest Supernatural at the end of 2016, because that is when I met Meghan Fitzmartin, who we will have on the show at some point, who was a writer on Supernatural. Who is one of my best friends, and got me into the show by telling me about how great it was. And how great it was to work on.

And so I think by July of 2017, so about seven months after I started watching, I was embarrassingly far into it. I started watching it in November or December and I think by that August I was done. And this would have been season 12 or 13. So, I watched a lot of episodes in a very, very short amount of time.

But actually the post, specifically, that I want to point out this week from July of 2017 is not Supernatural related at all, but a classic meme that I had forgotten about. So, it’s a screen cap from Gone With The Wind of Rhett looking at Scarlett. And instead of his famous line, the caption says, “TBH Bae, IDGAF.” And it’s just this funny remaking of this line in 2017 internet speak. It went around a bunch on Tumblr at the time. So, we will re-blog that to the www.DashboardDiaries.Tumblr.com, and you can see it for yourself and re-live those days of 2017.

Cherokee: First off, I thought that was the line from Gone With The Wind. So, you know, the more you know.

Lauren: I mean, it basically is. It has the spirit. You know? What were you seeing in your archives?

Cherokee: So, I have a very special post that I found this week. And it is from July 2015. This is the summer between me finishing my internship at Tumblr and working at Tumblr full time. And as I mentioned, I hung out with anyone associated with Tumblr. I went to everything, all the time. That whole summer. So, this is a selfie with David Carp, the Founder of Tumblr. Good ‘ol Tumblr Daddy.

Lauren: Oh my god.

Cherokee: I was at this thing and I was like, “David, I gotta get a selfie with you.” And my thing was is this going to be my last opportunity to get a selfie with David? What if I never work at Tumblr again? And thankfully that did not happen and I got to bother him for many more years. But yeah. Good little moment in time.

Lauren: This is incredible.

(laughter)

So, we will re-blog that as well. And you all can see Cherokee with our Founder. With our Father of Tumblr fandom.

Cherokee: The creator of Supernatural. Not literally, but in spirit.

(laughter)

Well, wonderful. Following our great little deep dive and staying with the superwholock vibe that we started the first episode off with, this week we’re going to dive into Sherlock. Which I believe you, Lauren, are a very big fan of.

Lauren: Yes. Yeah. I believe I talked about this on our first episode. But Sherlock is the thing that got me back into fandom as a 20-something. And is sort of the reason that I’m in fandom to this day.

Cherokee: Sherlock’s impact. So, some top line information on Sherlock that I pulled from the depths of Tumblr. Here’s the numbers, folks. So, Sherlock, the BBC show, has been a top show on Tumblr for 100 weeks since 2015, which is when we started recording these fandom metrics. Which essentially every week we published. If you’re not familiar, those listening along every week, we publish the top 20 in TV, film, music, movies, celeb, what have you, and it’s updated weekly.

And so we started have the categorized list in 2015. And I feel like there was a whole year where Sherlock was just, 2016 or 2017 I wanna say, pretty much every single week. Sherlock was a top show.

Lauren: That’s so wild.

Cherokee: Johnlock was only in our Ships list twice. And at first I was shocked about this and then I realized we didn’t launch a ship list for a few years.

Lauren: Oh, okay.

Cherokee: So, we launched the ship list in like 2018, 2017. So, there was a lot ... There were some key Johnlock times that just did not get counted in our ship list. So, I don’t think that’s a fully accurate representation. So, all you Johnlock stans out there, do not fret, it really isn’t ... it’s big on Tumblr. You know?

As in currently, there are 661,000 followers on the Sherlock tag. And 80,000 followers on the Johnlock tag on Tumblr. So, that’s just people following the tag alone.

Lauren: Right.

Cherokee: And we only launched tag following a couple years ago. Maybe a year ago. So, that’s again something that was-

Lauren: Oh wow, okay.

Cherokee: ... launched post really the big Sherlock kind of extravaganza.

Lauren: Yeah.

Cherokee: I do know there was hinting of a season five, potentially. So, maybe.

Lauren: We’ll get to that. (laughs)

Cherokee: (laughs) So, to start off, before I jump the gun here. Lauren, can you give us a brief history of your relationship with Sherlock and the Sherlock discourse for all of our unfamiliar listeners out there?

Lauren: Absolutely. So, as many of you probably already know, BBC Sherlock was a TV show that launched in 2010 and ran for four seasons of three episodes each with one Christmas special as well. So, there’s only 13 episodes for this entire series, essentially. But it was a massive, massive cultural phenomenon. It basically launched Benedict Cumberbatch’s career from someone who was doing decent sort of trade in British movies. He was busy. He was working. But then Sherlock made him this mega star that he is today. And spawned this renewal of the Sherlock Holmes fandom, which has really been around since the 1890s.

So, Sherlock Holmes is a character that has instilled a lot of fervor in people for over 100 years. Myself included. So, before we really dive into the fandom as a whole, this is not going to be a super academic break down of the Sherlock fandom or the drama conspiracy. It’s not going to be a gossipy fandom drama run-down. There are some really interesting deep dives into the larger sort of fandom conspiracy that occurred within the Sherlock fandom that we’ll link in the show notes. Because it is very, very interesting.

But for me it really started out as a show that I just really enjoyed. I watched the first series, the first season. They’re called “series” in England. That’s been the Sherlock fandom mostly, how you refer to the seasons of Sherlock as “series.” I watched the first series in December of 2010. I watched all three episodes over my Christmas break from college and absolutely fell in love. And was already on Tumblr and hadn’t really actually used Tumblr for fandom stuff at that point beyond music fandom. And so I started to dive deep into the Sherlock tag and it led me to AO3 as well, which I believe at that time was a still pretty new website in the grand scheme of things. And I started reading fan fiction again, which I hadn’t done since I was 16.

It was just a really, really wonderful time on Tumblr. Cherokee, I don’t know if you remember that time with the Sherlock fandom or if you were watching the show yourself when it was being released?

Cherokee: I was not, actually. I have seen a few episodes of Sherlock. I watched the first series in college when it came out. I had a friend studying abroad in England, I went and visited her, and instead of doing anything she was like, “I have discovered this show. Let’s watch it.” And that’s what we did the whole time. I was with her a weekend in London and we watched Sherlock.

Lauren: I love that.

(laughter)

Cherokee: So, I have seen the first season. I have now watched most of it. I have two episodes left. I wasn’t able to fit them all in. And again, that is entirely my fault. Because of my For All Mankind fixation for the past couple of weeks. But I’m familiar, as someone who lurked and was scrolling during the time. Also we did a Q&A with Mark Gatiss and Stephen Moffit. We did an answer time in 2018, which we can also link in the podcast so you guys can all jump into it and learn ... I’ll also drop it in here for you, too.

Lauren: Please.

Cherokee: So, you can take a gander at it.

Lauren: I’m fascinated that took place in 2018. Because the first season came out in 2010, then the final season, or rather the fourth season that sort of has become defacto the final season came out in January of 2017. And so I’m really interested that they did that answer time in 2018, because that was a decent amount of time after the show had, for all intents and purposes, ended.

Cherokee: I think they were doing a Sherlock themed escape room or event or something.

Lauren: What’s interesting, to me, about some of the Sherlock fandom in the grand scheme of SuperWhoLock ... and I think just to set expectations, it will probably be a while until we do Dr. Who on this show, just because neither Cherokee, nor I, are huge, huge devotees of the show. We will want to get somebody on who is. But Dr. Who is sort of its own thing. It’s always had its really loyal fans. It’s been running forever. It’s constantly reinventing itself with the new doctors, et cetera. Supernatural, as we know, ran for such a long time, has such a dedicated fandom that will continue to live on past the show for the rest of time.

And Sherlock is kind of interesting in that, like I said, there have always been Sherlock Holmes fans, this show in particular really drew a massive, very active fandom. But since the end of the show, the fandom has really not gone dormant. There are still lots of people making fan art, a lot of people making fan fiction, a lot of people talking about the show still. But it’s certainly not to the degree that it was at its heyday. And I think that is in part, at least for me as a fan of the show, kind of because how things ended up going within the Tumblr eco system specifically.

So, when I was watching the show I fell in love with it because I love Sherlock Holmes. I always have. In seventh grade I went as Shirley Holmes a gender bent Sherlock Holmes for Halloween. (laughs) So, it’s like I was the target audience for this. And for the first time ever I found myself shipping Sherlock and John in watching this show, which is just something that people have done pretty much since Sherlock Holmes was first invented. There have been lots of queer readings of the text since, I think, the earliest sort of documented one in the 1940s. But this is not a new phenomenon of people shipping Sherlock Holmes and John Watson together.

But this was the first time that I had personally sort of seen the chemistry between them. Because Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman are fantastic together. They have great chemistry. The show does sort of wink at Sherlock’s ambiguous sexuality. And the fact that he and John have this incredibly co-dependent life partnership where they are each other’s most important person.

For me, as a viewer of the show, I was really enjoying the whole show and then anything I wasn’t getting from the show I was getting from the fandom, because the fan art and the fan fiction and the fan sort of chatter around the show was just phenomenal. And then after season three things kind of changed a little bit in the Tumblr eco system.

And I think what’s really interesting about experiencing the Sherlock fandom on Tumblr, specifically – like, why we’re talking about this on this podcast – is that I had friends in my real life who were big Sherlock watchers who even shipped Johnlock, who maybe read fan fiction, but who weren’t on Tumblr and had no idea that any of this was going on.

For me, a lot of what happened from season three onwards was beginning to sort of dominate the circles of Tumblr that I was in. So, in short, and once again we’ll link to the deeper dives around the Johnlock conspiracy as it became known. TJLC. But basically it was this idea, and still is this idea, which we’ll talk about in a little bit, that not only are John and Sherlock in love in the show, but that the show is building up to them becoming a romantic couple. And that there is all of this evidence in the text of the show that suggest that Moftiss, as they’re called (Stephen Moffit and Mark Gatiss collectively are Moftiss). There’s all this evidence in the show that tells the audience that Moftiss is planning this. And that eventually Johnlock will become canon because it has been intricately signaled by the show itself.

And this was something that came out of sort of this huge meta post that somebody put up after season three that then a couple of other users saw and were talking amongst themselves and said, “It’s like the Johnlock conspiracy.” And then that kind of became the name for the whole conspiracy. And that sort of started to take over the Johnlock tag. I was not necessarily following any TJLC’ers as far as I knew. And yet I was still seeing a ton of that stuff on my dash because I was a Johnlock shipper and I was following Johnlock blogs and increasingly there were these discussions within the fandom around if you are a Johnlock shipper or if you were a Johnlock shipper that really believed that it was going to go canon.

As often happens with these things kind of end up creating this fissure between parts of the fandom. There were a couple of sort of fandom blow-ups where people were sort of getting angry at other people and it was trickling into the larger fandom tag. And then after season four, when nothing went canon and it was pretty clear that despite the creators saying that they were open to a season five, that that was not going to be planned imminently and that season four was kind of the end as far as we knew it. Things really kind of cratered from there because you had all of these people who were really disappointed by season four and then you had other people who were really disappointed by season four, but really believe that season five is still coming and that it’s going to correct things.

Really, what that equals to, regardless of what side you’re on, is that just everybody was kind of bummed. Which is a bummer when you’re in a fandom, especially that has so much wonderful fan works being made. Right? There’s so much great fan fiction. There’s so much great fan art. That for me as someone who was really enjoying all of that stuff and somebody who was enjoying the show, but who also was deeply disappointed by season four, for a number of reasons, my experience with the Tumblr fandom being consumed by this argument around the ship that a lot of us, or a lot of the people I was following, we all shipped the ship, that was not the issue – kind of made it difficult to engage.

So, it was really interesting to dive back into the tag this week and kind of see what I was talking about with Sherlock and the things I was reacting to and see what was still active now. And remember, oh my god, this ship and this show consumed my life. And I’m being drawn right back into it. I want to read fan fic again. I want to dive deep into the tag again. I remember having such a good time with this. And the fourth season and the subsequent fall out within the fandom was sort of so difficult at the time that I just walked away from the fandom for a while, which I think a lot of people did. And I think a lot of people have also experienced in a lot of other fandom’s as well.

Cherokee: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, from someone who obviously when I first initially watched the first season didn’t know anything about any of the discourse around it and also I think it was pre-discourse, honestly. It’s like 2014, 2013? And then now having watched it, I feel like I texted you after watching two episodes and I was like, “Excuse, me. How is Johnlock not canon?” Because it is so-

Lauren: Yeah.

Cherokee: They’re not hinting at it, they’re slapping you in the face with it. I mean, the first episode, he moves in with Sherlock just kind of immediately. There’s that kind of flirty back and forth where Sherlock is like, “My work is my marriage. I’m married to my work.” And so he’s not being like, “No, I’m not into you.” He’s just saying he’s focused on his work. And then there are so many ... When John gets engaged and the land lady whose name is escaping me at this moment.

Lauren: Mrs. Hudson.

Cherokee: Mrs. Hudson is like, “To a woman? You’re engaged to a woman?” It’s so in your face. They’re obviously in love with each other.

Lauren: Exactly. And I know that there are lots of Sherlock viewers and a lot of people who are active in the Sherlock fandom on Tumblr who were not Johnlock shippers at all. Or who ship different ships, or just want them to be platonic friends. And those people are completely valid and I love you, you’re great. I hope that you had a great time in the Sherlock fandom, despite the fact that a lot of it was Johnlock shipping.

But yeah, I was completely on the train of these two guys are in love. I personally did not believe that the show was going to make it canon. But then also I would see these meta posts and be like, “Well, you make some good points.” And to sort of, I guess, admit something that I’ve never admitted before around my own relationship with the Johnlock conspiracy, which is called the Johnlock Conspiracy and it is a conspiracy theory and I think that’s something that a lot of the people believe it don’t shy away from because it involves a lot of very deep reading of the text, connecting all of these dots, really intricate sort of red string type stuff. It also involves believing that Moftiss have been actively lying to everybody for years, which tends to be a central tenant of conspiracy theories.

On that particular side of things, we know for a fact that creators and the Moftiss specifically do lie to us. Right? That is a huge part of Marvel’s marketing machine. Right? Is having Andrew Garfield on late night talk shows being like, “Oh, yeah, I’m so excited to see the Spider Man movie. I wish I was in it. But best of luck to them.” And of course he shows up on screen in the Spider Man movie. So, that to me is like not outlandish really to think. And if it turned out that everything was true and the Moftiss had intended it all along I’d be like, “Great. Fantastic! They didn’t need to put us through that much pain for that long.” (laughs)

But the piece of it that really got me, and that I sort of didn’t put together – why and how this was so appealing to me at the time. So, season four premiered New Year’s Day as all the season except for season one, did. In 2017. And I was home that month back in New York, sort of staying with my parents. And I was watching each Sunday. Sherlock was on and I was watching the episode. And the week of the finale premiere a couple of things happened. I believe the Russian dub of the finale got leaked online somehow. And so people started watching it and writing about what the finale was. And everybody was like, “Are we being trolled? This doesn’t sound like a Sherlock episode. This sounds really weird. What’s going on?”

And then the finale premiered and the thing that was sort of most baffling to me was that it just didn’t feel like a Sherlock episode at all. It felt like this very weird ... somebody compared it to, I think this was a critic, an episode that was like a Saw movie. Because it involved John and Sherlock and Mycroft going through this series of rooms that were all orchestrated by Sherlock’s secret sister who was kind of psychic. It all just felt very out of left field and strange.

Cherokee: The secret sister thing was interesting, I will say.

Lauren: It was interesting.

Cherokee: Yeah. (laughs)

Lauren: And we all kind of knew because Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman’s careers were getting so busy and the show had gotten so big. We sort of knew that this was going to be the last episode for a long time, if not forever. And so it was really hard to stomach that the final episode of the show that you dedicated so much of your love and energy to doesn’t actually feel like an episode of that show. And so there was this conspiracy that was going around online that the next week, the following Sunday in the Sherlock time slot, a BBC show called Apple Tree Yard was taking over that time slot. And there was a conspiracy that actually Apple Tree Yard was not a real show and that was going to be a secret real finale of Sherlock.

And I remember just scrolling Tumblr Sunday night, seeing this theory going around, having just watched this finale and being like, “Well, maybe.” And of course that’s not what happened. Apple Tree Yard was a real show that ran on the BBC. But as I was sort of revisiting this time period of my life I realized this was January of 2017. The reason that I was home is because the 2016 election had happened a few months earlier. I went home for Thanksgiving. I stayed through Christmas. And then I stayed through the end of January so that my sister and I could go to the march in DC at the end of the month. And also me and my family were just like reeling with the results of the 2016 election. It was an incredibly dark time. It was an incredibly ... it was just very, very bleak.

And looking back on it now I’m so able to recognize, oh my god, I was just so sad. I was so isolated. I was feeling so scared about the world. That the idea that there was this conspiracy about a secret actual finale of the show that I loved where I didn’t like the finale very much, is incredible appealing to me. That I’m actually going to kind of let myself believe it for a week. So, that’s the closest that I came to sort of really believing the Johnlock conspiracy. (laughs) And I really get it. I get it from all sides. I get why people still believe it now. Because to bring it back to sort of the season five prospect, Moftiss have said that they have a plan for season five, and it’s just a matter of scheduling and all of that kind of stuff. And that they would like to do it someday.

And there is, as far as I can tell on Tumblr, sort of diving into the TJLC tag some people think that January 1, 2023, which is the day that all of Sherlock Holmes becomes public domain ... there’s a couple of stories that are still under copyright and January 1st of next year they all enter public domain. The copyright expires. January 1st will be the premiere of season five, because the show would always premiere on New Year’s Day.

So, you know, for those of you out there who still believe, I hope you get what you want. I understand wanting more of the show. Because just spending a week diving back into the tag I remembered what I loved about it. And what I loved about the fandom, which was that you had incredible fan artists, incredible fan fiction writers, and also people who were writing these incredibly in-depth meta posts around the lighting in the show, the costuming in the show, the set design in the show, the parallels from episode to episode, season to season. And whether those things were intended or not by the creators, it was really lovely to see people apply such analysis to something that I loved. And think so deeply about this thing that we were all enjoying collectively, even if at times things maybe got a little bit out of hand.

Cherokee: Just like in March 2022. What do you do? You go straight and you watch the thing you love. You go on Tumblr and you look at all the stuff about it. You get really passionate about a thing that is so low stakes in the grand scheme of things. I completely ... I do exactly the same.

By the way, one of the answers in the Sherlock answer time ... user Milk-Bag asked, “When can we expect the next season of Sherlock to come out?” And the answer is, “The future.”

Lauren: Interesting.

Cherokee: And that was 2018.

Lauren: Yeah.

Cherokee: Yeah. So ...

Lauren: You know, everything gets re-booted. Everything comes back. Never say never. It could happen. It’s so interesting how fandom’s can kind of get so big and get so passionate that they sort of eat themselves a little bit. I think that this is something ... I have friends in my non Tumblr life who love the show and it’s still one of their favorite shows and they still think of it very, very fondly. Because they weren’t sort of deeply entrenched in the fandom. All of those people were also very disappointed by the finale. (laughs)

I think something that was particularly interested for me as a big sort of transformative works person, I love fan fiction, I love fan art, I love head canons, all of that kind of stuff. It’s also interesting to see the other side of fandom and see more of the curative fandom, right? The analysis, the really engaging with the text and only the text. And I think that Sherlock really had both in abundance.

I abide and hope that all of those sides of fandom can get along and that everybody can be nice to each other, ‘cause as sometimes happens on Tumblr and in other internet spaces, there was some very bad behavior and it’s never okay to be mean to people on the internet. But yeah, I think that it’s something ... I think getting to witness people be passionate about something is always a real gift. And I have to say, diving back into the Sherlock tag I was excited to see that there was still some active folks.

One of the trends that I was seeing a lot of, which I really dig is Fleabaglock, which is people taking quotes from Fleabag and putting them over Sherlock screen caps or gifs. And boy oh boy. There was one, I’ll re-blog it to our Dashboard Diaries blog, that just made me feel all the Johnlock feels that I was like, oh god, I’m going to have to dive back into my AO3 bookmarks and revisit the ship. Because I am having the feelings again.

Cherokee: And I will say, Moriarty, I know he’s pure evil ... I love him.

Lauren: Oh, of course.

Cherokee: I would do anything for him. Also, Johnlockiarty ... Why don’t they-

Lauren: Ooh! OT3?

Cherokee: You know? Yeah, like a nice little polycule.

Lauren: Yep.

Cherokee: Johnlock can solve the crimes that Moriarty commits.

Lauren: Such cute ways of flirting, just committing crimes and having your partner solve them.

Cherokee: Yeah, he can leave little clues, which he already does. Because he has a crush on both of them, because he wants them to show up everywhere they go.

Lauren: Yes. 100%

Cherokee: Obviously. (laughs) I mean, come on, the whole thing with the taxi cab and the video in the back of the cab. He loves him. He loves him.

Lauren: Oh yeah.

Cherokee: This is flirting. Everyone in Sherlock is in love with each other – is my take away from that show.

Lauren: I love that. I think that is a perfect place to sort of wrap up our Sherlock deep dive. And head to a quick break.

Cherokee: And after the break we’ll play a little Sherlock quiz game.

[Exciting synth music]

Cherokee: Lauren?

Lauren: Yes?

Cherokee: For this segment of fan fiction versus fan fact.

[Rolling synth music]

So, I have four quotes for you. The first one is: So, you joined a cult.

The second one is: You’re thinking, it’s annoying.

The third one: Suddenly, I’m Mr. Sex.

And the fourth: Brilliant impression of an idiot.

Lauren: Okay. I know the second one. I know that’s something that Sherlock says. I am pretty sure three is something that Moriarty says. I think it’s “So, you joined a cult.” I think that’s the fan fic. No!?

Cherokee: It is. No, you are correct.

[positive beeping sound]

Lauren: Oh, it is. Okay.

Cherokee: “So, you joined a cult,” is a quote from Dr. Strange.

Lauren: Oh, brilliant.

Cherokee: But you got it right.

Lauren: I have seen the show a lot, Cherokee.

Cherokee: You foiled me. Honestly, I was like, “How do I find ...” every quote I wrote down, “She’s going to know this!”

Laruen: No, I think you did fairly well. I did have to think about it. I did.

Cherokee: You had to ponder.

(Laughter)

I’ll get you next time. So, the next one is less of a quiz and more of a question. And I want everyone listening along as well to ponder this question, too. As we know, Sherlock has a mind palace.

Lauren: Mm hmm (Affirmative).

Cherokee: And as we know, Tumblr is our internet bunker.

Lauren: Mm hmm (Affirmative).

Cherokee: What do you have? Mind palace? Mind swamp? Mind shack? Mind forest? What’s going on up there?

Lauren: Interesting. Have you seen Severance?

Cherokee: Yes. Twice.

Lauren: That’s what’s going on up there. Sometimes when I think about stuff and I’m trying to recall something, I’ll imagine a little person walking down a really long row of filing cabinets. I think it’s like a very blank and dower office. (laughs) What about you? What do you have?

Cherokee: So, I was thinking about this and I do think it’s a swamp.

Lauren: (laughs) Like Shrek?

Cherokee: Like, I was thinking Shrek at first, but it’s more like the swamp from the Princess Bride.

Lauren: Okay. With the enormous rats?

Cherokee: Like the Fire Swamp.

(laughter)

Where it’s like any wrong move ... it’s like, “Oh, no, I didn’t want to think that.” I would say that is like-

Lauren: I love that.

Cherokee: ... that chaotic mind swamp up there. Yeah.

Lauren: That is amazing.

Cherokee: For those listening at home or wherever you may be, tell us where your mind location or situation is.

Lauren: Yeah, what’s going on up there?

Cherokee: What’s going on up there?

Lauren: Tell us.

Cherokee: Send us a voice note, send us an artistic depiction, a painting. You know?

Lauren: Ooh.

Cherokee: I would love to see everyone’s interpretation of what their mind palace or mind space is.

Lauren: I love this.

Cherokee: Up next, we have our Fandom Forecast.

[Fantasy keyboard music]

What’s going on? What trends do we see? What is afoot? What have you been looking at this week, Lauren? Or looking forward to?

Lauren: What have I been looking forward to? I mean, I have been seeing a lot of What We Do In The Shadows on my dash, and I imagine I’ll continue to see a lot of that as it gets deeper into the season. I’ve been seeing a word this week that has been on Tumblr for a little while, but for whatever reason has started to gain ground over the last week. And I think I’m going to declare this the Word of the Week!

[fanfare music]

Our very first one. I think I’m going to be seeing more and more of it. Which is “Scrumpt.” Scrumpt as a past tense of scream. You scrumpt a scream.

Cherokee: Put it in the dictionary.

(laughter)

Lauren: So, I think I’m going to see my dash, in particular, using the word “scrumpt” more. I predict myself using the word “scrumpt” more, because I just learned it.

Cherokee: I mean, you’re already scrumpt’ing in the tags. So ...

Lauren: Exactly. So, what about you? What are you seeing sort of behind the scenes at Tumblr that’s coming up?

Cherokee: Behind the scenes. So, I mean, not unsurprisingly, What We Do In The Shadows has overtaken Tumblr in the last week. Especially ... that show is just made for shipping.

Lauren: Oh yeah.

Cherokee: Also, I know I mentioned this last episode, but nope. Which is coming out, it came out yesterday.

Lauren: Yes. Yeah.

Cherokee: And first off, Keke Palmer’s press tour, everyone is obsessed with every interview she did. She’s so funny. And her opening monologue, everyone has been talking about. I have not seen Nope yet, but I have seen a lot of Keke Palmer videos, clips, gifs. She does a really great Angela Basset impression.

Lauren: Oh, I love that.

Cherokee: So, also trending this week, which is something I’m not super familiar with was Goat Simulator. Which is a game-

Lauren: Yes.

Cherokee: Have you played it?

Lauren: I have not. But I’m playing Stray right now. And I know that Stray is kind of a similar game to Goat Simulator.

Cherokee: Well, which is interesting, yeah. ‘Cause Stray and Goat Simulator are both on the fandom list. And then Untitled Goose Game is what was really trending apparently. And not Goat Simulator. And that was where people were really getting excited about, Untitled Goose Game, which is similar to Goat Simulator, which is similar to Stray. Maybe there should be a crossover with all three.

Lauren: I would love that.

Cherokee: Yeah, I’ll have to check them out. I was scrolling through the tag and just looking at the post. And Goat Simulator looks like Untitled Goose Game in the chaos realm of things. All of every screen cap looked completely chaotic. One of them, they’re also you can have an avatar that’s a human, too, because there was one of someone riding a goat.

Lauren: Oh. We have questions.

Cherokee: Again, I love finding out about things by just looking at the Tumblr tags.

Lauren: Oh yeah.

(laughter)

Cherokee: And with that, we are going to mosey on over to the Feels Corner. It’s near the end of the episode. Do you know where your blorbo’s are?

[Light romantic tones]

Lauren: So, my blorbo’s this week, it’s definitely been a week of time travel for me. What with diving back into the Sherlock fandom. And the other fandom that for whatever reason was popping up on my dash this week, because it pops up periodically but for whatever reason just had me by the throat was Hannibal. Every now and then a Hannibal post will cross my dash and I will completely lose my shit and just ... that’s my afternoon.

It was really nice to go back to 2012, 2013 in my head and have my collection of Johnlock and Hannigram blorbo’s. It was lovely.

Cherokee: Which is honestly perfect, because I saw a lot of comparisons between the Hannigram ship and the Johnlock ship.

Lauren: Mm hmm (Affirmative). Yeah.

Cherokee: Lots of comparisons drawn and also I saw a good post that has images of both ships and it says, “Are you the do crimes or the solve crimes type of gay?”

(laughter)

Which I love.

Lauren: That is perfect. (laughs)

Cherokee: Why not both?

Lauren: Why not both? Will Graham is both. He solves crimes and does crimes in Hannibal.

Cherokee: Yes, he does. You are very right.

Lauren: How about you, Cherokee? Where are your blorbo’s this week?

Cherokee: My blorbo’s are For All Mankind.

Lauren: Hell yes.

Cherokee: Yeah, my sleep schedule has been replaced by this television show.

(laughter)

And Molly and Wayne Cobb’s specifically. I don’t know if you can have a couple as blorbo’s but I think you can-

Lauren: Yeah, absolutely.

Cherokee: I just love both Molly and Wayne individually and as a couple. First off, healthiest relationship on that show by just-

Lauren: Bar none.

Cherokee: ... a million miles. And also just the most well adjusted and down to earth H’ank.

(laughter)

Characters on the show, too. I really love them both. I will say where I am in the show now, I’m not feeling great about where things are going. (laughs)

Lauren: Yeah. Oh boy.

Cherokee: Oh no. Maybe I’ll have to do that thing where I just stop watching. Which is something ...

Lauren: No.

Cherokee: Hope starts to go downhill and I’m like, “You know what? If the show ended here, they’re okay, right?”

Lauren: They’re okay. Nothing bad will ever happen to them.

Cherokee: Yeah. Keep them safe. If you don’t watch the finale, everyone is safe and fine.

Lauren: That’s true.

Cherokee: That’s how I feel about the Killing Eve finale, too.

Lauren: That’s very fair.

Cherokee: It didn’t happen. Yeah. So, yeah, I would say Molly and Wayne, big blorbo’s this week. And then another time capsule blorbo ... I actually didn’t just watch these movies in the past week, but I think about them all the time and specifically Alan Cumming in Spice World and Josie and the Pussycats.

Lauren: Oh yeah.

Cherokee: He plays a similar character in both. First he’s the documentary in Spice World and then Josie in the Pussycats he’s the music manager or agent. And I just ... what an icon. What a star. I found out recently that Alan Cumming owns a club in New York called Club Cumming.

Lauren: (laughs) And you have to go.

Cherokee: And I know where I’m hosting my 30th birthday. Yeah.

Lauren: Yep. You have to go there immediately.

Cherokee: Yep. (laughs) Or a Dashboard Diaries Meet up at Club Cumming. Everyone.

Lauren: Well, in speaking of our delightful Dashboard Diaries, we have a couple of your feels to share this week in our Feels Corner. And so stay tuned to the end of the episode to hear some listener feels.

Cherokee: And submit your feels for next one, too.

Lauren: Yes.

Cherokee: Keep feelin’.

Lauren: Yeah. [email protected]. Send us a 30 seconds or less voice memo about your feels. And with that we have come to the end of Dashboard Diaries. I am Lauren Shippen and you can find me at the LaurenShippen.Tumblr.com, or you may already be following me on my secret blog with my Sherlock memes and I’ll never let you know what that blog is.

Cherokee: I’m Cherokee McAnelly and you can find me at chero.Tumblr.com. This has been Dashboard Diaries. And ...

Lauren: May our anons always be loving.

Cherokee: Your dash always refreshed.

Lauren: Your gifs always be loading.

Cherokee: And your ships always canon.

Lauren: May the fics you’re reading always be finished.

Cherokee: And the answers you seek always in the re-blogs.

Lauren: Thanks for scrolling with us.

Dear Dashboard Diaries, my name is Lindsay and my current obsession is the TV show, What We Do In The Shadows. Season Four just started airing and there is long awaited pining, over all hilarity, and of course the inherent romanticism of vampires. Consider this a warning, because it will probably top the trending page every Tuesday for the next couple of months.

My name is Mallory and I finished Our Flag Means Death at 2:53 AM on Sunday, June 26th. Which means as of recording I am 20 days, 14 hours, and 57 minutes into this fandom. And it is my whole personality. 235,287 words of fan fic read. 61 hours, 49 minutes, 31 seconds of fan vids watched on YouTube. 94 TikTok’s liked. 18 Tumblr’s followed. Countless feels felt. And absolutely no sign of slowing. Here there be queer pirates and I am in!

[outro synth music]

#sherlock #johnlock #tjlc #dashboard diaries #podcast #tumblr #episode #DD 02 #cherokee mcanelly #lauren shippen #fandom #transcript #Spotify

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1hp · 1 year

Note

Well alright *has a squidward walk sound effect as i leave you be*

thjank you. *has a mr krabs walk sound effect as i, too, leave you be*

#💬

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brosif40 · 1 year

Note

Would you rather walk like Mr. Krabs or have a vine boom sound effect play every time you took a step?

Vine boom

Im pretty quiet when I walk to I tend to fool-jumpscare people, so its funnier to have that set off everytime I walk

#hey guys whats u-💥💥💥#anonny #still a jumpscare- but atleast i would be heard from far away

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pvremichigan · 2 years

Note

hey real quick mind if i [OLD TIME CAR HORN] oh shit my bad lemme just [CHIMPANZEE SOUND EFFECT] oh my GOD I'm so sorry let me just [VINE BOOM] then I'll [MR. KRABS WALKING SOUND] out of here im so sorry for [FREEBIRD SOLO]

squidward boowamp noise

#[[pull the trigger]];; ic #[[gun powder]];; mich

0 notes

springvaletales · 2 years

Text

((Session 39 is wrapped!))

I’ve got my trinket table, my dice rollers, my trap stats, and my home-brew monster stat blocks let’s gO-

We got word that Bagelby’s PC is going to be in town with his fiancee next week, so we planned our first in-person get together in, like, two years! Huzzah!!

I told my players that I loved them earlier in the group chat and now they’re all worried for what I have in store.

August’s player: “DM, it’s okay, you can take the gloves off.”

Me: “I think I’ve worked it out so that nobody will die without breaking the story but I’m sorry in advance for anything that may happen tonight.”

“There’s not a single memory stone hanging from that ceiling that has good vibes.”

Bagelby tried to remove on of Ena’s bad memories and put it into one of the stones, just for funnies, but rolled a nat 1, and cracked off one of his antler points from training too hard.

Now down to only three points, Bagelby - lamenting the sudden onset of winter - asked August why there were so many stones on the ceiling, and August explained the cultural significance of ‘sacrificing’ negative fears or memories to Skaadi before milestones in the lives of her followers.

Bagelby: “What if the bad vibes are….tainted mac and cheese?”

Asahi gave every party member one of her Val’s Drops grenades as a precaution, and warned them that they also have a wild magic effect when broken.

Asahi’s Player, while the party’s trying to decide whether or not to separate: “Let’s split up, gang!”

Thiori’s Player: “Dibs on the dog.”

Party consensus is that Bagelby is Scooby Doo.

Ena’s Player, via private messeger: “DM how do I get down?”

Me: “That’s a very good question, considering you weren’t supposed to be able to get up there in the first place.”

She Misty Escape-d her way back down to the ground floor (taking (1) point of damage to do so) when the party started leaving without her. Asahi is unimpressed and August is concerned.

The party heard soft voices across the temple floor, and rolled for stealth to investigate.

Thiori failed his stealth roll, and his player put a 10 hour sound loop of Mr. Krabs’ walking noise into the chat.

Thiori’s Player: “I should not have worn my xylophone shoes!”

Ena activated her Eldritch Sight to try and see anything, and nearly blinded herself, as she was looking for magic in an ancient, magically infused temple.

She did, however, see several non-magical humanoid silhouettes beyond a partially-collapsed wall ahead.

Asahi threw an acorn into the dark, and the acorn was thrown right back.

Bagelby’s PC, upon discovering two awakened saplings in the room ahead: “How well does Bagel know his trees?” *rolls* “18!”

“Do not lick the trees without their consent!”

Bagelby’s PC: “I would like to do a vibe check, please.”

Asahi’s PC: “You mean Sense Motive?”

Tree vibes: Baby.

“You look at the human and decide…that he’d look better with a mustache.”

Bagelby failed his roll to re-enter stealth, and so popped up 2ft from the human to share his mustache opinion.

Bandits out of their depth:

Stevon, the human

Heckle, the dark elf

Mischief, the tiefling

Ash, the awakened thorn sapling

Thorn, the awakened oak sapling

“You either murder everything in your path or you adopt everything in your path. Either way, no-one will stand against you.”

“Please don’t heckle Heckle she’s been through a lot.”

Asahi gave all five bandits an acorn, a pamphlet, a job offer, and 100 gold.

The bandits are awestruck to see so much gold in one place, but are hesitant to leave yet, as six members of their group are still trapped downstairs in the temple’s lower levels.

Thiori’s Cookies of Healing have a shelf life of two months, apparently.

Bandits in need of rescue:

Grickleback, the lizardfolk

Tiffany, the elf

Oak, the awakened ash sapling

Agateye. the dwarf

Tiny Toes, the firbolg

Richard, the human (the unfortunate one who is already dead at the time of quest-giving)

The party has latched onto all the nicknames Bandit Richard could have. They’ll never get a chance to use them.

The chat was filled with slang terms for male genitalia for the next ten minutes.

TEN, MINUTES.

Since finding the bandits and sending them on their way would count towards ‘clearing the temple’, as August’s mission states, the party left the five survivors huddled in their makeshift lair, and walked down a large staircase across the room to find a tall door barricaded with every bench, rock, floor tile, and other debris the bandits could find.

Asahi sent the bandits outside to wait with Sebastian, and sent them with her waterskin so that he’d know she sent them.

Sir Carl Jager took note of a large tree root that had been propping the door partially ajar, and asked if there were more of them after they descended the stairs. Yes, Sir Carl. Yes, there are. >:3c

Asahi has started to wonder if maybe giving Bagelby a Fey/wild magic glass grenade might have been a bad idea.

Thiori found the first of many items on my trinket treasure list, and the party immediately all focused on repairing this innocuous little item.

Ena cast mending to try and fix it, and Thiori happily tied this little clapper-less bell to his glaive.

Ena saw and reacted to a surprise attack from a root-infested rat just in time to save August from a nasty lashing, and - since it was an intelligence saving throw - the beast failed a save of her brain lance, and took 7d6 damage, killing it instantly.

“Hang on, I need more dice for this.”

Ena: “Hey guys look what I killed!”

The rest of the party, who had been distracted by Thiori’s bell and didn’t even notice the danger: “What?”

Thiori inspected the now-dead creature, and found it to be the mummified remains of a long-dead rat, grown through with more of the tree roots, and seemingly rooted to the floor.

Ena: “Oh yeah guys the tree roots are magic.”

August swung her sword at some of the roots, but her blade just bounced.

Bagelby: “Hey, guys, hey. MAYbe, instead of attacking these magical roots we don’t know anything about, we should investigate them a little first?”

Bagelby: “Which one of us is the best at communicating with trees?”

Party: *looks at Ena*

Ena: *sighs heavily*

Ena tried screaming at the tree roots in Sylvan and Primordial, but got no response. Thiori tried Deep Speech to a similar effect.

Ena, after trying to angrily burn the tree roots: “Uh guys, I got bad news - this tree don’t burn.”

The party moved on from the room and down the hallway, where it branched off into one smaller, alley-like corridor and one regular sized one.

“Thiori, I’ve got some bad news about this hallway and your crab arms.”

Asahi found another treasure under a broken floor tile in a dead end hallway.

Bagelby promptly tried to steal one of the bone pipes that Asahi had found, even though Asahi was still holding his hand ‘for safety. He was successful.

He then started playing this smoking pipe like a kazoo.

Asahi, whipping her head around at the kazoo sounds: “BAGEL-“

Bagelby: *dives between Thiori’s ass and the wall to escape, still kazooing*

Asahi, in hot pursuit: “GIVE IT BACK!”

Thiori: *cursing angrily in Deep Speech, still trapped sideways in the narrow hallway*

Despite hurtling around the corner at mach jesus, Bagelby still managed to avoid the very first trapped pressure plate on the floor.

Bagelby immediately dropped to the ground to try and disarm the pressure plate, and Asahi took the opportunity to snatch her stolen pipe back.

Bagelby has ADHD confirmed.

Thiori, raising his hand: “I know another way to disarm this trap…”

Bagelby tried crawling down the hallway, looking for any more traps, but August just walked right past him. When confronted, she agued that she’s “well armored”.

Sir Carl Jaeger, to August: “If you die from being so foolhardy, I shall not mourn you.”

Thiori, when faced with another tiny hallway: *grabs a random tree root on the wall* You asshole! This place is NOT accessible!”

August is purposefully trying to take the lead on everything, and being reckless about it, for story reasons, and the party is (slowly) taking note.

Following the sound of faint crying, August found the first of the six missing bandits - Tiffany the elf - and escorted her back to the main stairs.

While August and Asahi were trying to comfort Tiffany, Ena found a ring amongst all the roots on the ground, and Lex found an ancient crystal door knob.

Ena’s Player: “Lick it. Lick the crystal!”

Lex’s Player: “I’m not the geologist, here!”

My players are going feral over these trinkets I should’ve done this a long time ago.

Trinkets the players found so far:

(43) A once-tarnished silver bell missing its clapper that may or may not have quest significance later

(75) A set of bone pipes engraved in an ancient language unknown to the party

(5) A brash ring that never tarnishes that bears the royal emblem of the ancient Kendaran Empire

(69) An ancient crystal door knob that has been converted into a shot glass

We’re nowhere near finished with this dungeon, but it’s getting late, so we wrapped up with one bandit found and five more to go. We might not be back for a while, with all the holidays and events coming up, but hopefully we’ll be back soon!

#OOC #Quarantine D&D

0 notes

professionallydeadinside · 2 years

Note

BRO I CAN'T JUST

JUST IMAGINE FERRET LUCAS SNEAKING AROUND THE MANSION, GOING ON HIS FOURS WITH MR. KRABS' WALKING SOUND EFFECT

ooR OR CLANCY GOING "I HAVE THIS LITTLE FEISTY ANIMAL AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO YEET IT IN SOMEONE'S FACE" AND THEN SPINNING WITH HIM LIKE PURPLE YAM'S SKILL

sorrY I'M DYING

DUDE I LOVE THE IMAGERY OF FERRET LUCAS MAKING FUCKING MR KRAB NOISES AS HE WALKS KJHGFDSFGHJ

#also that furret walk video? THAT #lucas baker #resident evil 7 #my art #fanart #answered #doodles

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japes-the-clown · 3 years

Text

THE SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS MOVIE: AN INVERSION ON “COMING OF AGE” FILMS AND A CRITICISM OF ADULTHOOD

Hi hello hey it’s me Jericho Jay “Japes” Marshall out here with a pretentious love letter to the filmmaking on display in nickelodeons The Spongebob Movie. Yes, I know it’s a kids movie. Yes, I know it’s not that deep. But I’m majoring in english, and deeply depressed, so I need to get this OUT and onto a PAGE.

I have watched this film many times over my lifetime, a few when i was just a kid, then in my early teens, even when i turned eighteen, and now, a month before i turn 20. Every time, I grow a new appreciation for the nuances that this movie brings to the table, and on my most recent watch my own deliverance from childhood makes me relate to the core themes the hardest I ever have. The Spongebob Movie isn’t just a movie about childhood, but a movie about adulthood.

Today, I’m going to make clear exactly how The Spongebob Squarepants Movie criticizes our understanding of adulthood and how society treats the neurodivergent, while effectively turning the “Coming of Age” genre on its head, within its 87 minute runtime.

START: CONSISTENT CHARACTERIZATION

One thing a lot of films (ESPECIALLY kids films) fail to nail is consistently showing aspects of a character throughout the runtime, enough that changes to a character feel impactful and justified instead of rushed and stifled. The best examples of movies that fail to do this are often the marvel movies that people tend to not remember- the first two thor movies, the avengers age of ultron, etc. In these movies, characters certainly have traits, but their personalities and motives can be very weak and make dramatic changes feel A LOT less dramatic. This can be seen in age of ultron, when quicksilver gave his own life to save someone else, which felt like nothing because he wasn't well developed. He wasn't particularly endearing, nor did him sacrificing his life contradict a part of his character. It felt very much like the writers trying to say "Look, this character which was once opposing the avengers, is now dying for one. Please cry." No hate to the writers of Age of Ultron, but it proves itself often to be an unmemorable part of the catalogue.

In the Spongebob Movie, the characterization is ON. POINT. After the introduction, with the pirates rushing in to watch spongebob, we get so much information regarding spongebob as a character.

Pictured: Spongebob holding a piece of cheese like an operator

The first scene of the plot is a dream sequence a large crowded scene at the Krusty Krab, with a customer not receiving cheese on his patty, and it being positioned in the same way as a bomb being located. In the dream, everyone is panicked, and Mr. Krabs is visibly distressed, almost like a damsel. Spongebob comes in, announcing his position as manager, much to the relief of Krabs. He goes in, and puts cheese on the burger (again, very akin to a bomb defusal scene), bringing the perturbed customer out safe and sound. Everyone lifts spongebob up as a hero, which is interrupted by his boat alarm.

This scene is JAM PACKED with stuff that both introduces the character to new watchers and introduces the crux of his arc to everyone else. Spongebob of course is very fond of the Krusty Krab, and wants to be the manager- he wants people to see him as cool, and as a responsible adult. He wants to be the sort of person that can be trusted with big responsibilities. And we also see, most importantly, that he is extremely childish through his faximile of what it meant to be adult. Everything is scaled up; it's a very silly situation, which well suits both the joke and his character as an inexperienced kid. This is one of the most direct ways to convey someone's character, because a dream can be interpreted as a direct port into a character's desires. This being the first introduction to the character in the movie sets the tone for EVERY following situation.

In the next few scenes you see Spongebob's real life, which involves his lengthy morning routine; his life is sort of whimsical, and so too is his routine. He showers by shoving a hose into himself till he bursts with water, he uses toothpaste to clean his eyes but not his teeth, and he puts on pants which he must fold to make. Again, all pretty solid jokes, but also very telling about his outlook. He is funny, weird, and childish, which is juxtaposed by the scene where he's- he's uh- showering with squidward. Squidward is an example of the "adult" that spongebob isn't. This has always been the case, but here his normal routine makes it very clear that other people in this world aren't like spongebob. They shower normally, they brush their teeth, they put their clothes on like normal. Spongebob's world is one of wonder and without responsibility, which makes it questionable as to whether he could handle one.

Pictured: Spongebob's room, adorned with childhood imagery

Pictured: Spongebob celebrating his position as a manager, despite Krabs saying that it was squidward who got it

Even his room in this scene screams "kid". He has toys strewn about, glow in the dark stars, and pictures of superheroes on the wall. He even says "Sorry about this calendar" as he rips a page, personifying inanimate objects as a kid would. The movie is telling you, "THIS CHARACTER IS A KID", but in a way that's masked because it's also just a set up for jokes. It's done so well, in my opinion, that it would go over your head because from your perspective you would be laughing along as spongebob did his wacky antics.

On top of that, his excitement for his assured managerial position at the Krusty Krab 2 continues to be bolstered. He marked it off with a cute drawing on his calendar, for those familiar he changes his normal "I'm ready" chant to "I'm ready- promotion-", and he's even already set up a party to celebrate at his favorite chain, Goofy Goobers, a child's entertainment restaurant similar to chucky cheese, albeit replacing pizza for ice cream. He hasn't just gotten excited, but has this childish anticipation for something which isn't even assured.

Spongebob arrives at the opening of the Krusty Krab 2, where he is so excited he can't contain his glee. He breaks the silence and makes members of the crowd uncomfortable, reinforcing again that spongebob is a standout in a world of adults, and a kid who doesn't understand certain social norms, which society looks down upon. When Krabs reveals that Squidward got the managerial position, Spongebob hyped himself so much that he starts celebrating, not even noticing that he wasn't picked. He gets on stage, and begins to give a speech, to which Krabs interrupts.

The next part I think best illustrates Spongebob's clear ignorance to society: Krabs attempts to subtly tell spongebob that he isn't getting the job, but spongebob repeats everything he says into the microphone. Again, fantastic joke, grade A, but the amount this shows how invested spongebob was. He already saw himself as an adult, someone who everyone would look up to as a manager- he could take the responsibility, and isn't aware of everyone likely cringing in the audience. This is the natural step for him in his mind, especially because of his exemplary work which had been previously celebrated through employee of the month awards. This was not an option for him. There wasn't a world in his mind where he would be outclassed by squidward.

Krabs has to break to him that he lacks responsibility, and that his childishness makes it difficult for Krabs to give him such a job. This might seem harsh, but I think the intro again shows how Spongebob saw the job; he didn't understand what it would be like, fantasizing another level in the menial work structure to be an amazing adventure of a job. People in the crowd reaffirm that in the eyes of society, spongebob is just a kid, a goofball. In my eyes, this is a story not just of childhood, but of neurodivergence. Spongebob isn't normal, and is blocked by society for his ignorance of social norms and sunny disposition. He finds things fun that other people can not, and he places values in completely different things. So he is blocked from the meaningful recognition he desired, despite the obvious evidence of his commitment.

I think this is a mighty interesting dichotomy!!! Simultaneously, spongebob's understanding of the world truly is warped, often resulting in a lack of consideration for others as well as harm for himself when things don't go his way, AND he is a good worker which puts in MANY hours of work without so much of a complaint. This is COMPLEX. You have to ask yourself, as a viewer, "would I give spongebob the job?" The answer can be different and can be REASONED.

And that's JUST spongebob! There are other characters with characterization that mixes into the themes of the movie very well, but I'm going to bring up any related points in future sections.

Okay, Okay. So now you're saying "WOW OKAY GREAT so why does any of this matter?" I'm so glad you asked. VERY glad.

2: THE BREAKING OF A YOUNG MAN'S SPIRIT

THIS is the point of the movie. The obstacle in this movie truly isn't adulthood, but instead self doubt. Spongebob's whole world is turned upside down by Krab's rejection of his basic personality. Spongebob asks himself: is it REALLY okay to be who I am? Am I an adult? Is the world fair? One of the most shocking scenes in the movie is blended so well in tone with the rest that you don't really notice; spongebob eating ice cream to cope with his disappointment, akin to that of adults drinking alcohol, and appearing to be visually "drunk" and washed up. This is BRILLIANT, and a recurring theme, where the true line between adult and childhood becomes blurry and impossible to see. Spongebob, the representation of a kid, gets hungover, spiteful, and angry about the injustice of his situation. This is often how adults act in the fact of adversity, but what's funny is that this too is how a kid would act; getting angry and overindulging, feeling entitled and acting socially immature when he didn't get what he wanted. He walks in to the Krusty Krab literally just to shit talk Krabs. And it doesn't stop there.

Pictured: Plankton finding "Plan Z" and looking at it like a centerfold in a playboy magazine

Almost every character in this movie juxtaposes another, again smearing the line of what it means to be an adult. For example, Spongebob and Plankton are polar opposites; plankton is cold and vengeful, angry at the world around him, and spongebob is a happy person who tends not to take things personally, a friend to all. In planktons first appearances in the movie, he is portrayed with clear adult themes, mocking spongebob, making pinup jokes about plan z, and living in a fairly dark and grey space. But, as the story moves along, we see many similarities; both spongebob and plankton are fairly one track minded, and when spongebob's perception is broken he himself gets a little vengeful. When eugene is put in danger over this, though, we do see that he places the lives of others over his own wants. And, even at the end of the movie, we see their similarities. Plankton reuses the "Sorry Calendar" joke that spongebob used at the start of the movie, drawing another line of what it means to be an adult. Is it childish of plankton to say that? Is the inherent irony he has impactful here? His want for something that isn't his, and his disregard for others in pursuing it feels just like how a younger child may steal the toy of another, without understanding what it means to share.

Pictured: Neptune flipping his shit at his lost crown

Then, there's the character of Neptune. Neptune is a big man baby. He rules the entire land, commands the most respect, and is considered the most powerful person under the sea, and yet, we see that he gets overprotective of his property, prepared to execute anyone who even annoys him. Throughout the film, he's obsessed with chasing an image of youth, as he is bald, and ignores the suffering of the people on bikini bottom to make sure no one sees his bald head. He throws what's equivalent to a tantrum when he finds his crown is missing, and believes a very crude note written by plankton saying that it was eugene who stole it. His character is an "acceptable" child because he's in a position of power, where spongebob is an "unacceptable" child as he is just a working class member of society. And the funniest part is, that he mocks spongebob for wanting to go for the crown, when even he, the strongest person in bikini bottom, refuses to go out of fear.

We see that these "bastions" of adulthood, plankton and neptune, are the ones who are responsible for missteps of society; we're ALL children in the long run, but the strict enforcement of a perceived true adulthood creates a space where they can act immaturely yet those under them/around them cannot. Dennis makes this case even more, as the only thing he does in this movie is hurt others. There's only one thing that seems to truly denote adulthood, and it's cruelty.

Even squidward, the adult that is supposed to be more responsible that spongebob, refuses to go on the quest to retrieve the crown, as he acts mostly in self interest, even later claiming to only care that plankton was stealing the secret formula as it was hurting his own paycheck.

Spongebob is the only one willing to go, willing to defend the man who wronged him, willing to value life over his own interests. He is both child and adult, just as the adults are too children.

As he moves through the plot of this film, he becomes less confident in his disposition, with his naivete causing moments like him and patrick crossing the state line and immediately getting carjacked, or them being put into an uncomfortable situation by all the bubbles they blew when they tried to get their car back. His bright personality is questioned constantly: Only five days to shell city? BY CAR. This is man's country. But weren't we the double bubble blowing babies?

Pictured: Spongebob caught trying to take back the key to the patty wagon when patrick fails to distract everyone

This is made more obvious to him as patrick remains oblivious throughout; patrick is a mirror for him, that acts as a childhood constant, that makes it clearer for him every day the draws of his childishness. There's the moment in the club where patrick's distraction was poorly thought out, and only because he said he wanted to do it adamantly, there's the moment where patrick challenged neptune on how many days they would have to do it, which served no purpose but for his own fun, there's the moment patrick points out the free ice cream trap- he is the unemployed uncritical lens that spongebob is afraid he is.

So everything's fucked, and anyone who is childish is bad i guess!!!

But that isn't so,

3: The illusion of manhood

So we've talked about spongebob's characterization as a naive child, how this is impactful in his transformation into someone who is anxious about that aspect of his personality, and how the society around him is hypocritical in it's own immaturity. But where does this all come together?

Pictured: Planktons dystopian world, which Mindy shows Spongebob and Patrick

It's at spongebob and patricks "conversion to manhood". At his lowest point, spongebob becomes a squidward- he becomes critical of his AND patricks interests, and regards them as childish, deciding that this means that they can't make it to shell city, as it requires them to be adults. When mindy shows them the dire situation back home, she hopes that spongebob's sunny personality and care for others would shine through, but instead he turns to what society has been telling him; it's impossible. He can't do it, he's just a little kid, and there is no point to any of this as he'll fail regardless.

Thinking about it like this, it truly is one of the darkest points in the entire series; spongebob just openly admitted that there was nothing he could do, that all of his friends were goners because he was effectively useless.

Mindy comes up with an idea; she'll trick spongebob and patrick into believing they're men; she convinces them of mermaid magic (their innocence allowing them to believe) and uses kelp to make them think they've matured into adults. Notice that physical modifiers being the only key to this "fake adulthood". With this, they jump off a cliff because they believe that with adulthood, they are invincible.

This is really telling about how the society they're in thinks of being an adult, and relays that to children. There's another level, a distinct separation between spongebob and adulthood, which seemed like the difference between a squire and a knight- being an adult means that you aren't weak anymore (as though he was weak in the first place), and thus you can do things you never thought before. Is it truly healthy that this is how a society tells kids that adulthood is like, for them to enter the world and feel a truly awful financial and literal hellscape waiting for them? uh, you can, you can decide that for yourself i think.

Nonetheless, they survive the fall, and conclude that they really are invincible, able to power through a ravine with their happy go lucky attitude, eventually befriending the monsters which were once trying to kill them. They weren't acting like adults, but the labels themselves made it possible for them to soldier on with the childlike disposition they had. I find that to be powerful. If we were able to be more hopeful as adults, and power through the worst things brightly, could we do great things? Idk but these depression meds sure do taste good nom nom

After crossing the ravine, spongebob and patrick meet dennis, and have their worldview crushed as it's revealed that they are actually still kids. Dennis being the "alpha male" that he is, is characterized by violence and a lack of morality. The pair are saved by a giant boot, which is the first of two humans in this movie. Spongebob and patrick are both taken by the man in the diver suit, as we fade to black, marking the end of their illusion of adulthood.

4: Back from the Edge (of death)

Spongebob and Patrick awaken in an antique shop, realizing that they were surrounded by fish that had been killed specifically for sale as tacky antiques. They are lifted out of their fishbowl, and put under a heatlamp, as their fate is sealed to become a member among those dead fish. In spongebob's final moments, he mourns his inability to be an adult, as well as to reach shell city; but before they both die, patrick points out that they truly did reach shell city, as the crown was within their reach.

This. This is a phenomenal scene. Why? Because of what it means for spongebob's arc.

Pictured: Spongebob and Patrick on their deathbeds, finding happiness

He sees the crown, and realizes that, unequivocally, that even if he didn't bring the crown back, he made it to shell city. Every person he met told him that he couldn't even do that. and he did it. He is a kid, yes, but he's a kid who went where not even NEPTUNE dared go. Everything people said about him, about how him being a kid stopped him from success, was suddenly shattered. He has been asking himself if it's okay that he is a kid, and he saw, unambiguously, that it is. He is allowed to be happy. He can enjoy things that other people don't. He can be naive. He can be himself, no matter what anyone says. And so can you. Great things can be done by people who are "childish", who are "naive", who are kind without expecting a return, all of it. YOU are okay. Your stims are okay, your comfort series are okay, your interest in tropes are okay, YOU'RE OKAY!!!!

with that, spongebob and patrick are dehydrated on the table, and ostensibly die, the kids that they are, shedding one final tear each, forming a heart beneath them.

...

Miraculously, the tear electrocutes that lamp at it's socket, causing smoke to rise and set off the sprinklers, rehydrating the pair, and bringing them back to life. The "Man in the Suit" attempts to capture them, seeing them about to lift Neptune's crown, but the rest of the dehydrated fish come back to life- squirting him with his own glue and beating him to the ground, as spongebob and patrick run out with the crown. David Hasselhoff offers them a ride back to Bikini Bottom, and the pair begin their ride back.

5: The confrontation of Adulthood and Childhood

Pictured: Dennis looking all lame and shit

As spongebob and patrick are being swam back to bikini bottom, the boot under which dennis was crushed rockets to Hasselhoff, spitting him back out to finish the job. The appearance of Dennis, IN MY OPINION, makes him look rather goofy, with his broken glasses making him look more like a office worker than a badass assassin as he attempts to kill spongebob and patrick. Spongebob, in trying to reason with him, is able to ruin his eyes with bubbles, and then survives as dennis gets hit by a raised platform which spongebob and patrick are too low to be hit by.

Having defeated one representation of adulthood, spongebob and patrick are shot down by HasselHoffs MASSIVE MAN TITS with the crown in order to prevent Krab's fate, blocking Neptune's lazer just in time as they crash in.

All seems to be well, but plankton uses one of his mind control helmets (which we'll be getting into later) to enslave even Neptune, putting mindy, spongebob, patrick, and Krabs against the wall.

In another stark moment of characterization, Spongebob tells patrick that "Plankton Cheated", which prompts plankton to tell spongebob that the situation wasn't a kiddy game, and that it was the real world. This sort of distinctions in their ethos tell you how spongebob interacts with justice; he believes in "playing fair", while plankton is bitter and believes in getting what he wants.

Finally, the apex to our plot, is a musical number. Spongebob begins to make a long-winded speech, where he takes ownership of every label he was called as he stood on the stage at the beginning, the similarity between the two events being clear (holding a microphone at an inappropriate time, making a speech as he blocks out input from an adult trying to talk him down). Spongebob then busts out into the film's rendition of Twisted Sister's "I Wanna Rock", "I'm a Goofy Goober". This results in spongebob reversing plankton's whole plot with "the power of rock and roll". Plankton is made powerless, and thrown into a little padded cell.

The final scene in the movie has Mr. Krabs freed from his imprisonment in ice, and spongebob is offered squidwards position as manager of the second Krusty Krab. He seems hesitant, and squidward offers an insightful analysis of what spongebob might be feeling (the typical analysis of a coming of age movie, where the protagonist finds out that what they wanted all along is not what they wanted, but it was what was inside all along). Spongebob refutes that squidwards fly was just down, and GLADLY accepts the job.

AND THAT'S THE MOVIE

6: AN INVERSION ON THE COMING OF AGE GENRE

A coming of age story tends to be one which is focus on the growth of a character from childhood to adulthood, asking questions about what it means to be an adult. A character reaches for their perceived adulthood, and realizes what it means to ACTUALLY be an adult, typically juxtaposing what people think (drugs, parties, sex) versus what the movie postures as the correct adulthood (responsibility). In this, I think that the spongebob movie directly criticizes the position of what "an adult" is, in the sense of how someone acts.

Like we discussed in part 2, every adult character in this movie tends to be very childish in themselves, unable to see through simple ruses, and often very possessive of personal property. I don't think we actually see a child in this movie as a speaker at any point, only really as background characters (in goofy goobers to solidify spongebob as childish, and I believe in the chum bucket as they're lead to an unsafe place by their parents, who are supposed to be responsible). Thus, what is mostly examined is how adulthood and childhood is a very thin line. Squidward, for example, going directly to plankton to accuse him of stealing the formula, instead of taking it to the top immediately, which would have ended this whole thing fairly quickly; that was rather silly, and was the fruit of his need to assert himself as an adult.

Spongebob goes through this movie FIRST not caring much about whether or not he was an adult, and it is only after the social pressure from adults does he start to chase it. He then chases his perceived image of an adult, going on an adventure, and is crushed by the fact that he isn't an adult. Instead of finding what an adult is, he instead becomes comfortable with his existence as a child, finding himself at the end of the movie able to comfortably chase after an ideal again, where in a normal movie he would humbly reject the job he was offered.

This is, truly, what we should all take from this film. Spongebob realizes that people who aren't necessarily socially adjusted or acceptable can do great things, regardless of what the people around them say, especially because the people around them are liable to throw tantrums and be actively harmful to society. He is allowed to find comfort in childish things, and to be naive, because the world needs more people willing to help others. It's a scathing criticism on the imposed adulthood that exists in a lot of coming of age films, which begs us to drop fun in the interest of doing the right thing, as though those two ideas are contradictory.

BONUS: EXTRA STUFF THAT I LIKED

The goofy goober song became really good storytelling, at first marking childishness, then marking a level of discomfort and judgement in the club, then marking spongebob recognizing that his happiness came from what he liked and not some vague idea of adulthood, and finally marking his full acceptance of his childishness, taking the form of rock, the music of rebellion. It's not as subtle as leitmotifs, but it works really well in how the same song can give very different feelings throughout, and inform how we interact with a story.

There are a lot more examples of adults being pressured into childishness, with the connected twins who liked goofy goober at the club, who were beaten senseless for absolutely no reason, which highlights the way that the society hurts people that, by all means, are just as much adults as anyone else. There's of course Plankton's helmets which created a society of people who simply slaved away with nothing to say, taking life as it came and listening to authority.

On top of that, this movie is PRETTY ANTICAPITALIST AND ANTIMONARCHY, despite those things being allowed to continue to exist at the end- monarchy is seen misusing power constantly and often for unfounded reasons, and Spongebob's diligence at work is rejected by a penny pinching Krabs, who cares only about money. Like, THE KRUSTY KRABS ARE RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER? THAT IS SOME MONTY PYTHON ASS SHIT. This year is the first year i laughed at that joke, because it's really some "capitalists are fucking dumb as shit" humor that slipped over my head when i was a kid. The villain literally being defeated by Rock and Roll, which was sung with a message against the oppression of differences in people? Yeah, I think the spongebob movie hated rich mother fuckers.

END: UH YEAH THAT'S WHAT IT IS

So yeah. The movie is good I think. There's a lot more i could go into, but I've been writing this post for hours and at this point i haven't even read it so...

I recommend going back and giving this film a rewatch!!! Pay attention to all the moments where adults act like children/kids act like adults, because it'll make ur brain pop like a zit. Anyways that's me, I'm Jericho Jay "Japes" Marshall, and I HATE facism.

#spongebob #spongebon squarepants #analysis #film #good movie #marvel #avengers age of ultron #funny

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none-of-your-biscuits · 3 years

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So eldritch crustacean entities don’t work on homeopathy rules. Good to know. Any idea how I can repel my friend who is turning into a crab? But yeah, I guess lobster bisque wouldn’t do much. Maybe clarified butter…

Everytime they walk by play the Mr krabs walking sound effect until it annoys them so hard they revert back to a finite being

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freezeriafan · 4 years

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WHO EVEN IS MARY like I know her on some games but REALLY

Shes just some basic bitch who thinks that she can handle Sue......Sue doesnt need no woman.... shes a drifter.... she'll break your heart and leave you... I've had enough of this.... (mr krabs walking away sound effect) (door slam)

#sorry i stole that ending from a text post

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hellishmess · 5 years

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7: Favors

October 27, 2017

I picked up the phone on the first ring, "What's up?"

Maeve’s voice was pressed on the other line. "I need a favor." She was hushed, the rustle of busy action behind her almost drowning her out.

"That is?" I asked, sitting up in my seat.

"Go to 124 Grade Avenue and protect the residents there." I hurried to type down the address.

My eyebrows stitched closer. "From what?"

Maeve's voice lowered even more. "The Assault Team*’s gotten their hand on bad magic. They plan to use it to kill some dangerous otherworlders with void connections and history. Some are saved that have signed as allies but the people I need you to help haven't."

"Then why am I protecting them?"

"They're not void, Aspen. Just stubborn and prideful. They're neutral right now but I'm working to get them to my side."

"Your side?" I mused.

"Aspen." Maeve was firm. She meant business.

I sighed. "Yeah yeah yeah. Gotcha. Consider it done."

"Thank you," she breathed, exhaling tension I didn't know she held. "When you get there, if they try and fight you, don't fight them, just defend yourself. Ask for Shay, Nik, Eli, or Jesse. Tell them what's happening and that I sent you, but only them. The extras there aren't important."

"Shay?" I recognized the name. "I'm finally going to meet your bf?"

"He's not my boyfriend," she snaps, before softening her voice again. "Please just hurry Aspen. They're getting the spell work ready now."

"Right. Okay. I'll get on it."

••

The drive was an avenue of oaks and ended in a roundabout in the front of the stone manor. I pulled up to the front and cut the engine off.

Getting out of the car, I cast my gaze to the sky. Clouds had rolled in fast.

I squinted my eyes, feeling the calm before the storm as magic gathered above.

The sound of gravel crunched under foot as I headed to the front door. I was pleased when my boots made little knocks against the stone walkway.

With a quick tap on the fancy oak door, I only had to wait for a few seconds before I came face to face with a vampire.

His eyes narrowed. "Who are you?" His accent was thick.

My eyes slid past him to the few other vampires lingering in the foyer. "I'm a friend of Maeve's. She sent me here to help. I need to see a Shay."

The vampire hesitated, not moving an inch as he studied me.

"It's okay, Bernard." A new voice said.

Bernard bowed his head and moved aside, revealing the figure behind him. This man was big. Business dressed and professional in nature, I took a step back.

"I'm Nikolaus. Second of this nest." He watched me with pinpointed eyes. Power radiated off him like a heater. "What's your business here?"

Huh. I cocked my head to the side. What an intimidating presence, I thought. Power like that was ancient. Familiarly ancient actually. God Maeve what company have you found yourself in.

I smiled, "Ahh. It's Nik right? I'm Aspen Farley. Maeve sent me here. Told me to speak to her boyfriend Shay?"

He didn't react, but I hoped the casual nickname was enough to prove my story.

He nodded, opening the door for me to step through. "What's this about?"

"Maeve's caught wind of a nasty spell the Assault Teams cooked up. Hoping to kill off some of the void underworlders, they're gonna cast it tonight," I retold all I knew. "So she called me. To protect you 'neutral' people."

I rolled my eyes at the word 'neutral'.

"I think we can handle ourselves," a blonde man said, stepping up from the crowd behind Nik.

I laughed. I wonder if vampires this old even remember what fear feels like.

The vampire stood with his chest out and fangs bared.

It was silent and I composed myself, coughing and brushing my hair behind my ears. "You think so? I don't know about you but I can feel the magical charge amassing above your house. It's not even to full strength yet but it will smite this nest off earth's shitty surface."

"Nik?" I turned to see another vampire just as powerful as the nest's Second. He stood in the threshold. The man's eyes were on me, picking up details on myself while I did the same. "Who's this?"

"Aspen Farley," He gestured a hand towards my frame. "Apparently a friend of Maeve and here to save us from some impending doom."

The dismissiveness in his voice grated against me. I swallowed a sharp retort. Jesus Christ does Maeve have to deal with this all the time?

The other name stood up straighter at Maeve's name. I went on a limb, speaking to him. "It's Shay right? Maeve's boyfriend?"

His lips parted into a small smile, "I don't know if I would say we're courting but I suppose."

Typical.

Shay studied me for a moment longer before turning to his brother, "Let her help us. What would be the harm if it was unneeded?"

Nik thought for a second before agreeing with a simple shrug of his shoulders.

"Sweet so lets see," I paused, thinking. Maeve didn't tell me what type of spell they were using but I'd guess it was from above.

I turned to Shay, "You have any crystals, salt, and umm? Dill herb seasoning?"

He made a face.

"Ah shit. I should have known." I chewed my lip. "Well you have salt right? I know you gluttons like to eat regular food too."

He actually laughed. "Yes, we have salt."

"Good. Get me a lot of it."

He snapped his finger and a vampire went off immediately.

I paced a bit, thinking of a way to protect this place from an Assault Team Cast Death spell. If I can't absorb it, it'll hit them and fry us all. I didn't know if they were just going to target the house, and burn it to the ground; or if they managed to find a way to hit specific targets.

My fingers brushed through my hair.

God Maeve could have made this easier on me.

I stopped. The light bulb in my head flickered on. "Y'all have a big mirror? Like an old antique mirror. The ones with the silver backs?"

"What makes you think we have one?" It was almost like he was joking.

I shot Shay a look. "Do you not?"

He regarded me for a moment before his lips split into another grin. "Of course we do."

"Good," I said, almost wide eyed at the energy of this encounter. "Get me one."

"I see how you and Maeve are such good friends." He chuckled, turning to usher another vampire off for the mirror.

"And I see how y'all are totally 'not' dating."

The salt was here before the mirror. The vampire had a huge sack of it and even brought the kitchen shaker too.

A vampire appeared with the mirror a minute later.

"Sweet sweet. Where's the center most window of this place?" I ask.

Shay walked off, and everyone followed without a word.

I roll my eyes. Dramatic, but okay.

We headed down several corridors, twisting and turning, before eventually settling in an octagon shaped room. I looked up, and saw a giant skylight was the ceiling. It truly was marvelous with a beautiful pattern made of clear and stained glass sheets.

"Alright, I can work with this." Really this couldn't have been a better set up.

I approached the women who held the mirror. It was a big wall piece. Its edges emboldened in untarnished silver. She reached to hand it to me.

I smiled gently back at her. "Can you hold it for me for a moment please?"

She nods with a straight face.

I tapped the glass, hovering my hands just over the glass surface before weaving my magic into it.

I focused on the energy and its purpose. The mirror was to draw and reflected all the harmful magic back, effectively sparing these vampires from the hit by taking it for them.

I knew it wouldn’t fail me.

I finished when I felt a hum of power reverberate through the glass and silver. I could see it, iridescent and shimmering. It was how I imagined air to look if we could see it.

I met the woman's eyes again. She had a shocked look on her face. Her hands trembled as she gripped the mirror.

I knew she could feel the magic. "I'll take it from you now. Thanks"

She nodded again, stepping back and rubbing her hands together.

I stood in the center of the room, eyes heavenward as I figured where the best spot was.

With a shrug, I laid it flat against the marble floor. I guess here's as good as anywhere. "Alright. So give me the salt."

The man handed me a sack with a hole torn in the top.

“Thanks" I muttered, immediately getting to work drawing a thick circle close around the mirror.

Working from the inside in, I drew a small circle. Then a bigger one 4 feet away from it.

"Shay," I spoke as I drew the circle. "I'm going to need you to get every vampire in the nest in here."

He didn't reply but he did leave.

I froze as the last bit of salt fell into place. The hairs on my arms and neck stood. "Ohh noo"

The atmosphere pressure changed, growing tense with energy. It was thick to breath.

The spell was finished.

"Alright. So don't leave until I say it's over and please don't like, freak if you start to feel weird." I say, thankful that Shay made it back when he did.

A murmur ran through the room but of course it was too low for me to hear. I ignored them, focusing on the energy above us. I could almost see the power rubbing together, readying itself to strike us all.

Someone gasped and slowly they all grew more serious. I smirked when I saw Nik and Shay both glance towards another man. All their faces were grim.

They feel it now.

Inappropriately, the "Can you feel it now, Mr. Krabs?" meme flashed in my head.

I strengthened my stance and raised my arms. Calling my own magic, I switched tongues, invoking an old incantation in the First Language*.

Protect us all in this time of need from the forces gathered to do us harm.

The energy I harnessed spilled out into the room, engulfing myself and the vampires. It encased us all individually, protecting us for as long as I kept my focus. I flexed my fingers, keeping my body firm.

With a thunderclap, the death spell barreled down from the sky. The sound was deafening when it hit the mirror. Raw energy caused the metal to sing. My eardrums popped at its melody.

Glass rained down as light and heat suffocated us all. I closed my eyes, but didn't dare move.

The room was so suddenly stifling. My head tried to swim at the pressure. Blood rushed through my body and my heart sung, but I ignored it.

My eyes shot open and my breath hitched. Sharp pain, shook my focus. The protective barrier around us to thinned, burned away by the offensive magic. A vampire's started yelp added a testament.

Glass sliced across my face, cuting a gash into my skin. I refocused and pushed my power out, recovering the vampire while I was at it.

I felt blood starting to trickle down my cheek and shoulder. Inhaling, I shook off the stinging sensation.

An even breath renewed the strength in our protection. The vampires stood stark still as they saw the ray meant to kill them fall and bounce back into the sky. The woman who had held the mirror was wide eyed as she focused on the protective magic that flowed around them.

I sensed when the energy fled, vanishing back to where it was borrowed from. The last of the magic entered the ozone, carrying on until it too dispersed

I relaxed my hands and rolled my shoulders.

It was silent still.

Eyes were on me as I started to influence the lingering energy.

My right hand circled the space in front of me, brushing my sternum every counter clockwise rotation. With a little nudge all the straggling magic fled back into the earth.

Finally, I broke the salt. Letting all my magic go lax, the protection around the vampires faded away.

My guard stayed sharp though. The blood trailing down my neck and arms a clear reminder to do so.

Shay approached me behind the man that Nik and him shared a glance with.

His demeanor was relaxed and unthreatening. Yet, he held authority and too much power to understand.

My eyes narrowed. I couldn't place the sense that I've met him before. It was like my magic recognized his.

He smiled, showing mostly straight teeth. "It seems the gifted see us as a threat." It was an assumption phrased as a statement but holding the obligation for me to answer as if it was a question.

My shoulders tightened as I looked up at him. "I don't speak for the gifted that did this." My voice was also tight. "Matter of fact, I don't speak for the gifted at all. I came as a favor for Maeve."

He nodded, still ever so slightly pulling at my mind with his own will. The pull was harsh, unlike anything I've ever felt from a vampire.

He hummed, continuing to bully me with his influence. "May I hear your opinion on this hit then?"

I felt my brain slow, wanting to fall into his influence. My eyes blinked, while my brain struggled to comprehend what was happening.

I stood there, neither of us breaking contact. Nik and Shay were off to the side standing behind him like body guards, watching, and expecting me to crumble like some worm.

Oh shit. It all clicked. The familiarity. The severity of these men's power. And the fact that there's a Second and a Third.

This is a True Master's nest. One of the first vampires to be created. The first product from the Lord of Darkness.

One of the Otherworld's own cryptids. They’re supposed to be a legend among legends.

How the hell did Maeve stumble onto them? More importantly do they realize the connection they bare?

I blinked, pulling myself away from his mind games. "Sure. Be happy Maeve was watching out for you because you'd all be dead if she wasn't." I paused, my eyes searching for any signs of hostility. "And pick a side. This is a war that none of us can stay neutral on. Either the Sun* comes for you or the Void does."

It was silent again as we both held eye contact. My hands had wrung my fingers behind my back and now they just tightly grasped them.

He smiled again, "Well I suppose a thank you is in order."

I shrugged. "It was no problem."

"I'll have Shay show you your way out." He turned and started off down one of the many hallways. Nik following at his side, both heads were turned in a serious conversation.

I laughed to myself, releasing the worry I had.

I suppose I'll just let them sort it out. Maeve's smart enough, and the True Masters have enough wisdom to make the connection.

——————————————————————

Assault Team is an association of highly powerful gifteds. They first founded to save the world from Hell’s wrath a long time ago. Now they act as the Sun’s warriors, keeping Void down and ect. Members are connected and bonded forever by a binding spell engraved in their ribs. Members live whatever life they wish and their involvement in the Team is kept as secret.

The Sun is a term for the Otherworld’s government. This includes the 4 families, the Assault Team, and any other associations that work for them. They are what keep order.

The First Language is basically the Language the Lords used in the creation of the world. Only few can speak it and it carries great power as the words carry magic themselves.

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