#Mr.Jones

[thosdickson]

KVETCH, kvetch, kvetch!

Paddling Lake Woebegone... again.

Viernes 15 de Marzo, 2024

So where to even BEGIN to catch up with myself?

Back to SF Fev 6 - 20; cut short to make sure I was back to MVD in time for my shit to hit the street here — BUT IT DIDN'T, OF COURSE — SO I spent $200 to cut the last week off my trip*, cut the SFUSD by days**, and SIT AROUND for another ten days. So what to do? I know : a BIKEWRECK 🤬 23 Fev: the new bikelane down 18 de Julio, impulse to stare to the right at Crespo looking for the "perfect storage space" that wasn't...

WHAM-BAMM!! Ass over teakettle "en media calle" ; hit that big hard black rubber traffic cone with my left shoulder. Knew I'd jacked it good, and left wrist almost sprained, just above the left knee, left ring fingertip crushed.

People ran up to help the old fool... left arm hanging loose "Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck..." vision pixellated, like my eyeball was hanging out or somethin. Struggled to see and walk, locked the bike to the closest parking sign, walked home bleeding from three spots on my right hand, and from inside my left ear.

Amazed the bike was unhurt, nor were my sunglasses of Bill's, the OPs I spent hundreds on lenses for, just this left shoulder I'd so carefully trained and strengthened since the 2018 surgery to correct the massive rotocuff tear and 40 year old dislocation from the 1977 wreck of Kent C's Alfa. No problem: just let go... again... of the wish, the strength, the confidence, the feeling of some small success. Nothing matters in this BEST of "GOD's will" world. HOW do I know God's watching, maybe laughing? Because the NEXT DAY + 7, Saturday 2 Mar, my stuff arrives at the SimpleBox in Ciudad Viejo 10months and $10K down this road (to ruin). Of COURSE the gold FINALLY shot up past $2100 right after I cashed most of it in to pay off the Aduanas (or Uruvan?) suckers.

Obviously, God wanted to keep me off a bike. Last Friday, 8 Mar, BOTH the blue Retrospec I bought here a year ago, and the newish Trek I just brought from SF were both swiped from just the other side of my door while I was eating my pressure-pot dinner about 9pm.

Not a SOUND. I came out for some reason about 10pm, first noticed the stair's door open, then the clean open space along the tiled wall where the bikes had been. I ran downstairs and outside, talked to a young man working for CUTSCA the bus company standing at the bustop in front of 2033. Yes, he'd seen a man and a woman run out the heavy iron front door into 18 de Julio with my bikes "about an hour" before. The guy almost ran into an oncoming bus in his panic to get away. NO the lobby camera didn't record past 30 minutes before. Pablo, the guy living directly below, turned out to be the building manager.

"We called them to fix the camera system, but they never came." This is the picture he knocked at the door to offer later, and how I tried to make it usable with Photoshop >>>

Juan Pedro, my host's son, was kind enough to offer to let me put off the rent until month's end, but, honestly...

Aikido says: "take the hit — then redirect"... that Saturday I spent an hour with a young policewoman taking my theft report with thinly disguised contempt for another clueless old fuck, this one with such lousy Spanish her patience wore out long before her few questions got answered.

"You know something's happening, but you don't know what it is, do you, Mr. Jones?"

[ghastlyfantasy]

Ive been playing w/ the idea of brining an older oc into ffxiv so have a scruffy gunbreaking viera man :)

[mr-asa-jones]

Here is one of our girls at Saint Helena High School for Wayward Girls, who is often rather naughty.

Her name is Kate, you will see a lot of her.

Dressed in her green gym slip, with red sash, white blouse, green and white tie, suspenders and black tights and neat strap plimsols.

Her knickers are quite unusual, today they are grey.

Most wear navy blue, but maroon, white, and bottle green, and grey are allowed.

I am always excited to see what colour will be revealed in my study, when they come for the cane.

She is going to bare her bottom for you over the high stool, in Detention Room 3.

You will see implements, make your choice and give her six for me please.

No more, just six.

Thank you.

Mr.Jones (Headmaster)

[musicforastylesrestaurant]

It would be so cute if you could write about harry and yn being together since highschool and they were each others first everything and they got married very early and just their live together now yk

From Here To Eternity.

a/n: thank you to the very kind anon that requested this blurb, it was definitely a fun one to write and i’m sorry it took so long to post! fyi i’m absolutely terrible at writing smut so please don’t come at me🫶

masterlist || ask me anything <3

likes and re-blogs are very much appreciated!!

word count - 9.8k

in which, harry and you first met on your first day of secondary school, and since then your lives have always revolved around each other. she’s been there through everything, his x-factor audition, when the band first rose to fame, when they went on a hiatus and when he made it big as a solo star. they were each others first everything’s, and that made the whole ordeal just that more special.

September 4th, 2009 — the first meeting.

On the first day of secondary school, your nerves were through the roof. The fact that your hands were shaking was not helping the factor that you knew absolutely no one in this school.

You were absolutely terrified of being late to your classes and having to do the walk of shame towards your desk as everyone stared at you.

Walking down the hallway, you happened to spot a boy with brown curly hair, he was putting something away in his locker and a focused look on his face.

“Excuse me,” You gained his attention as you walked over to him, his snapping over to me. “I was wondering if you happened to know where room 102 was?”

He closed his locker behind him and stood up straighter. “— yeah I do, I’m heading there myself in a minute, what’s your name? M’Harry?”

Relief showered your body knowing that you had found someone to talk to and someone you could walk into class with. “My names (Y/N)”

“So are you new here?”he asked, gripping a hold of his backpack that was over his shoulder, it blended in with your school uniform.

You nodded your head. “—yeah we moved from Liverpool, today's my first day.”

“So what classes do you have today?” Harry asked as you tried not to bump into students in your way.

You glanced down at the timetable that was in your hands and let out a small groan. “I’ve got Math, English, Religious Studies and then Science”

Harry let out a small laugh. “— I’ve got the same, looks like we’re going to be in the same classes”

Thank god.

At least you would know someone in your classes through the day and wouldn’t have to feel like a loner.

“Maths is definitely my favourite subject,”Harry continued on smiling at the thought of his favourite subject. “What’s yours?”

“Oh I’m absolutely terrible at maths,”You shook your head before pondering an answer to his previous question. “— I think my favourite subject may be pe.”

As the two of you walked towards the class (more like you following behind him like a little bit of a lost puppy) you continued to chet about your favourite hobbies.

You found out that he was part of a music group named ‘White Eskimo’ and he had even invited you to rage along to one of their practices when you had time.

You found yourself laughing at the little jokes that he seemed to slip into the conversation and you felt a lot more at ease about the school day ahead.

By the time you both arrived at the door of the classroom, you felt your throat go dry upon seeing your Maths teacher Mr.Jones already reaching the class.

Not only had you made yourself late, you had now dragged your new friend down to your depths.

Great.

Harry tried to quietly open the door, hoping not to disturb the class but the teacher had already snapped their head over to see the two of you entering the room.

Mr.Jones raised an eyebrow at Harry. “Late on the first day back?”

Your new friend looked down at the ground slightly. “—M’sorry,Sir.”

The teacher let out a sigh before turning their attention over to you and eyeing you up carefully. “Who's your friend?”

“My names (Y/N), I’m new here and Harry helped me get here, it’s my fault we’re late.”I tried to explain to the teacher who just pushed there glasses further up the bridge of there nose.

“Well (Y/N) and Harry, go ahead and take the seats at the back of the class for me.”Mr.Jones nodded there head over to the two empty seats you were expected to occupy.

As the two of you sat down in the seats, you pushed a strand of hair behind your ear and felt your face flush a soft shade of pink.

Being late on your first day wasn’t so teething you expected to do. But they couldn’t really blame you.

You just didn’t want to make a bad first impression.

“I’m sorry about making you late.”You apologised to Harry, as you grabbed a pencil from your pencil case.

Harry waved you off with a reassuring smile. “— it’s all good.”

As the lesson progressed on you and Harry shared notes about the syllabus you were learning, helping each other with the work as much as you could without the teacher calling you out for speaking.

“Thanks for letting me sit next to you, you didn’t have to.” you muttered to Harry who was flicking through the textbook.

He smiled at you. “— honestly, it’s been my pleasure, and can’t wait to see where this friendship goes.”

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April 2nd, 2010 — Prom.

When Harry had invited you round his house on Saturday, you thought absolutely nothing of it.

Since you first started year eleven, you and Harry were quick to become best friends and would often go round each other's houses on the weekend and have a sleepover until Sunday.

When he opened the door after hearing you knock on it, you could instantly pick up on how nervous he was due to the fact his fingers were curled up into a fist.

“Hi, H!”you greeted him, leaning forward to press a kiss to his cheek.

There was no doubt that over the course of your friendship that you hadn’t thought about him in another way.

You spent every school day together since you started and most weekends together as well unless you were doing something with your families.

Harry opened the door a bit more. “— hey, come on in.”

Once inside, Harry led you out to the back garden seeing as it was a warm summer's day, nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

Until your eyes landed on the set up.

A picnic had been set up and a red and white chequered blanket was laid out on the greenery. A bowl of fruit in the middle with some sandwiches laid out as well.

“Wow..Harry,”you breathed out. “— what’s all this for?”

“I was thinking about Prom and how we weren’t too sure about if we should go,”he explained, sitting down on the blanket with you and wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “— I wanted to ask if you would be my Prom date? I wanted it to be special.”

Did you hear him right?

He wants you to be his prom date?

“Really?”was all I managed to speak, still trying to wrap my head around his question.

He nodded his head. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and I can’t deny that I like you, we’re friends and going to prom together would be the first step into getting something more.”

Was this way of him saying he liked you?

Holy fucking moly.

“You like me?”

He smirked at you. “— isn’t that obvious?”

He took a sip of strawberry water from his cup. “So what do you say? Will you be my prom date?”

You flushed a shade of red making him let out a small laugh. “I would love to be your prom date!”

When Prom night finally came around, your nerves were skyrocketing.

You stood at the top of the stairs after hearing from your mum who was peering out the windows that your prom date had arrived and was eagerly awaiting for your prom dress to get revealed, so that he could like you even more.

You took in a small inhale of air before your heel clad feet started making their way down the stairs, hand holding onto the railing so that you didn’t fall and trip, and that was when you saw him.

Harry.

He was wearing a grey suit, with a white crisp shirt underneath as well as a matching grey suit vest and a black bow tie to compliment the outfit even more, his hair was styled the exact same with his unruly curls framing his face and had some black shoes on his feet.

“Wow,”Harry’s mouth gaped as he stared at you, “— you look beautiful!”

You had no idea that you would be matching colours seeing as you hadn’t even known what each other was going to wear.

This was complete coincidence.

Your dress was a light grey strapless dress with a long skirt that was layered. There was a sprinkling of light pink flowers embroidered onto the torso of the dress to add the slightest pop of colour.

Your cheeks flushed. “Thank you, you don’t look too bad yourself.”

Your mother was standing next to your father at the bottom of the stairs as well, a camera was in her hands as Harry came and stood next to you, placing a hand on your hip and bringing you in closer to him.

“The two of you look lovely.”Your mother complimented as she continued to take photos.

“Thanks mom.”You let out a small groan of embarrassment as Harry let out a small laugh.

Your father clapped Harry on the back as the two of you made your way towards the front door, he was grinning at him. “— take care of my daughter tonight, Harry.”

“I will Mr. (Y/L/N)”Harry let out a nervous chuckle.

After the two of you had said your goodbyes to your parents, Harry who had just passed his drivers test grabbed his keys out of his pocket and opened your car door for you like a true gentleman.

Once the both of you were in the seats, Harry turned to look at you with a look of fondness. “You really do look beautiful by the way.”

“And you really do look handsome.”You told him in truth, tucking a curl out of his eyes.

The drive to the venue was one filled with laughter and comfortableness when the two of you arrived at the venue, strobe lights were lining up the exterior as a red carpet was rolled out.

Throughout the entire night, you and Harry continued to dance, moving your bodies and that was when you realised just how charming and considerate Harry really was.

All in all you had a great time together.

As the night drew to a close and prom king and queen was announced, Harry placed a hand on the small of your back as the final slow dance of the evening took place.

“How would you feel if I took you on a real date sometime?”

Your heart skipped a beat and your stomach felt as if butterflies had taken home there. “— I would feel privileged.”

What a great way to end the night.

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June 17th, 2010 — the first time.

“If you're not ready to do this…''Harry panted out as you wrapped your arms around his neck from where you were laying underneath him, both of you in nothing but your knickers. “…then we don’t have to, I’m not pressuring you into doing anything.”

“I really want to do this,”you whispered, pressing a kiss to his nose. “— there’s no one else I would rather be doing this with, I trust you Harry, baby.”

After your first date, you and Harry had been on five more before he asked you to be his girlfriend and after dating for two months you finally figured out that you were both ready to take the next big step in your relationship.

Harry nodded his head and started leaving kisses down her jaw, and lower down her neck, making you squirm slightly in his grip.

He slowly pulled the waistband of your knickers down from your hips and gradually down your leg making you wish he would simply hurry up.

“God, you're making me melt over here, babe.” Harry complimented as he took sight of your bare core, glistening and all for him.

He was a virgin also, so that factor made this even more special.

“Please..please har..Harry.”you whined, head thrown back as his hand teased at your bud of nerves, he tried not to whine as well at seeing you like this.

Your first time was together.

He was getting you ready for him and that made you even more nervous.

The condom was on his length before you even got a chance to blink.

His length was bulky and there was a large vein leading up to the top of his penis, where a drop of pre cum was starting to form.

Harry laced your fingers together as he slowly entered your soaking core.

It wasn’t as painful as you had imagined but it was definitely uncomfortable.

It would take a lot of getting used to.

His eyes rolled to the back of his head at the feeling and knowing that the moisture was all because of him and no one else.

“You feel so good (Y/N).”Harry groaned as he thrusted in and out of you at a gentle pace.

You reached your hand up and pulled at his curls as moans and groans fell from both of your lips and filled his bedroom.

He kissed you with everything he had, and that was what solidified the deal for you.

You loved him.

Your legs tightened and your stomach copied.

“Let go, sweet girl,”Harry spoke softly, making a tear fall down your cheek at the pleasure you were currently facing. “— come for me, babe.”

“Let go, let go for me, sweet girl.” A wave of ecstasy rolled over your body as you came undone and felt his lips against your feverish skin.

Harry pressed a kiss to your lips. “— I love you (Y/N) I love you so much.”

Your pants made it hard to figure things out around you but you had definitely heard what he had said.

He loves you?

Harry Edward Styles really said he loved you.

You let out a small breath. “I love you Harry, I really do.”

There’s definitely a right place to say things like this and this was definitely the place.

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August 6th, 2010 — the news.

“I’ve got some news.”

You tilted your head to the side as you laid down next to Harry on the hammock in his garden, your legs entwined and your head rested on his chest.

You lifted your head up slightly. “What’s the news?”

“You know how you and mum are always saying that I’ve got a good voice?” He asked, running a hand up and down your arm.

You nodded at him as an answer, you did really think that he had a good voice, you would often hear him singing to himself getting changed in the mornings you would sleep over, you would hear him singing you to sleep at night when you were a little bit restless.

He was even part of ‘White Eskimo’ so if he was the frontman of a band then he obviously had a good voice.

“Well I think I’m going to audition for X-factor.”

You sat up completely, eyes wide as his words registered in your brain.

“You're going to audition for X-factor?”You exclaimed, “— as in the show with Louis Walsh and Dermot O Leary?”

He nodded his head. “I’ve been practising non stop, you hear me singing all the time, so it only seems like the right thing to do.”

“I’m really excited for you!” You leaned forward and pressed a kiss against his cheek out of pure affection.

“Do you have an idea about what you're going to sing?” You mused, staring at him softly.

“Yeah, I want to sing something that really showcases my voice so I’ve been thinking ‘Hey Soul Sister’.”

One of your favourite songs.

“That’s a really good song, H.” you informed him, lacing your fingers together. “— you're going to do absolutely amazing.”

He hummed. “You really think so?”

“I know so,” You assured him, the sun shining down on your skin to give it a nice sun kissed glow. “— and I’m always here if you ever want help practising.”

He laughed, throwing his head back slightly at your words, you both knew that you were a very bad singer so just the thought of you helping him out seemed funny.

“I’ll definitely consider that.��

Over the next few weeks leading up to the audition, you would hear Harry singing every chance he got.

Whether that be in the shower, in the car on the way to school, and sometimes when you stayed over you could swear that you heard him singing in his sleep.

But that only showed his dedication to impress the judges.

And that hard work definitely paid off.

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February 19th, 2013 — gaining permission.

It was a warm summer’s evening when Harry approached the front door of your childhood home.

His nerves were high as he raised his fist to knock against the wood, his mind still rehearsing everything that he was about to say to him.

After hearing someone knock against the front door, your father raised his eyebrows and went ahead towards it, opening it up and coming face to face with your boyfriend of nearly three years.

“Hello Mr. (Y/L/N)”Harry greeted the man he called a second father and offered him a grin.

Your father and Harry shook hands. “— Afternoon, Harry.”

You had absolutely no idea that Harry was going round to speak to your father tonight seeing as you were on a girls weekend with a few friends from school, and so Harry thought this would be the best time to speak to him, without you wondering where he was.

The timing was perfect really.

“I came to talk to you about something really important, if that’s alright with you.”Harry explained, his palms suddenly becoming slightly sweaty.

Your father invited him into the home and they both settled down on the sofas in the living room, Harry began speaking seeing as he couldn’t hold it off anymore.

"Mr. (Y/L/N), I know we're young, but I can't imagine my future without your daughter," Harry stated as he sat across from your dad.

"I appreciate your honesty, Harry. But marriage is a big commitment. Are you sure you're ready for that?" Your dad replied, folding his arms.

When Harry was placed as a member of One Direction, he didn’t think that his life would change drastically, he had heard stories of boy bands and their girlfriends always having a hard time, but you and Harry were beating all the odds.

The two of you were stronger than ever.

"Yes, sir," Harry answered confidently. "I've never been more sure of anything in my life. I love her so much and I want to spend the rest of my life making her happy."

Your dad leaned back in his chair, contemplating Harry’s words. "Well, I have to say, I'm impressed with your sincerity. It's not often you see such devotion in young people these days. Alright, I'll give you my blessing."

The singer let out a sigh of relief and a smile spread across his face. "Thank you, sir! I'll do my best to make her happy every day."

As Harry stood up to leave, your dad stopped him. "One more thing, James. Promise me that you'll take care of her. She's my little girl and I love her more than anything in this world."

"I promise, sir," Harry replied, nodding his head earnestly. "I'll always be there for her and do whatever it takes to make her happy."

As Harry left, your dad couldn't help but feel a sense of pride and joy. He knew that his daughter was in good hands with a man who loved her so deeply.

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March 1st, 2013 — the pier.

Coming to the pier was a bit of a last time for you and Harry.

It held a lot of memories for the two of you.

When you would spend the nights round his house on the weekends, you would sneak out of the house and go and spend some time at the arcades at the end of the pier, he even won you a stuffed unicorn once.

You had gone there after prom when he asked you out on a proper date to stare at the stars as they rested in the sky,

After your fifth date, Harry had brought you to the pier and asked if you wanted to be his girlfriend.

You had been on the pier when he told you that he was put in One Direction, you weren’t allowed to be at that audition because your parents said that school was more important, you were there when he told you that his life was about to change drastically.

As you and Harry walked along the pier, he held your manicured hand tightly.

“So how was your day, baby?” You quizzed him, swinging your hands back and forth slightly.

“It was good,”Harry replied, “— busy with getting things ready for the tour, but it was good overall.”

You knew how hard he and the rest of the boys were working so that they could get everything ready for the tour they were about to embark on, you were tagging along as well so that you could spend as much time with Harry as possible.

“I can imagine,”you offered him a small smile. “How’s all that going?”

“I think it’s going well, to be honest.”he squeezed your hand as you continued walking down the pier. “— we’re just working on nailing the set list and then everything should be ready to go.”

As the two of you walked, the topic of conversation shifted from work to your family and then to finally what you both wanted your future to look like.

Over the years you had learned to feel comfortable with speaking to Harry about everything and anything.

“Speaking of the future,” He spoke, making you glance over at him, your eyes locking. “— what do you see in our future?”

You had thought about an answer to this question for a while now and contemplated telling him, but now seemed like the appropriate time to say it.

“I definitely see us having a happy, loving life together,”you began to answer, breathing softly. “Maybe a house, marriage and definitely some kids, you’d be a great dad.”

Harry’s heart swelled after hearing your words. “That sounds absolutely perfect.”

The two of you gazed out at the moonlit waves crashing below the wooden slats that were holding the pier up.

Finally, you reached the end of the pier where Harry stopped and turned to face you.

"(Y/N), I know we're only young," he began, "but I love you more than anything in this world. These past three years have been the happiest of my life and I can't imagine spending my future with anyone else."

Your heart was pounding as she stared into Harry’s forest green orbs that seemed to sparkle in the moonlight.

"H, I love you too," you replied, your voice shaking slightly.

“Sweetheart, you're my best friend, actually your more than that, your my whole world, my absolute reason to wake up every morning, you’ve been by my side through all the hardships and to say you’ve made me a better man would one hundred percent be the understatement of the century.”

Your heart pounded in your chest, trying to regulate your breathing as your ears started ringing as you stared at the man you adored.

Your eyes widened as you watched Harry kneel down on one knee and pull out a small velvet box from his pocket. "(Y/N), will you marry me?"

Marriage.

Harry wanted you to be his wife.

You could barely see him through the tears that were falling from your eyes, but you could make out that he was crying as well.

Tears streamed down your cheeks as you nodded vigorously.

“Yes, yes, of course, I will!" You exclaimed, throwing your arms around Harry’s neck.

Once the two of you broke away from the hug, he slipped the ring from the box onto your finger, both hands shaking from the adrenaline currently coursing through their body.

The two of you embraced tightly, feeling each other's heartbeat as the gentle breeze swirled around you. For you and Harry, this moment felt like the beginning of forever.

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August, 2014 — I do.

You took in a deep breath as you stood at the end of the altar next to your father, your arm linked with his as your other hand held a bouquet of flowers.

When the familiar chords of one of your and Harry’s favourite songs rang out throughout the small registery office that the two of you had decided to get wed at, that was when you realised that this was really happening.

You were getting married.

“Are you ready, sweetheart?” Your father asked you, head tilted to the side.

You took in a hesitant small breath as you nodded at the words your father had just spoken. “Honestly, this is as ready as I’ll ever be.”

He nodded his head at your words before opening the doors to the side of the room, your breath hitched in your throat.

Your groom lifted his head when he heard whispers filling up the room and that was all the clarification he needed to know that you were present.

He hesitantly lifted his head and salt water instantly filled his orbs.

You looked astonishing.

It felt as if it was just the two of you in the room, your eyes remained locked on each other as you got closer and closer, the moment was pure and heartwarming.

Harry’s curls had grown out since your engagement on the pier so they were pushed back by a simple headband, so they didn’t block his view of you and he was adorning a suit of black colour, a white frilled shirt underneath as a thin silk black tie hung around his neck.

Your wedding dress was what you had always dreamed your dress would look like on your special day. It was Lacey and hung loosely to your figure in certain areas, flowers embroidered the sleeves and around your collar.

As your heel clad feet came to a stop by your soon to be husband, your father left a gentle kiss to the crown of your head, before taking a seat at the front two next to your mother as well as Harry’s parents and sister.

Your hand slipped into Harry’s and he rubbed soft circles on the back of it to reassure you that everything was going to be okay.

“You look beautiful, m’love.”Harry whispered as his own eyes filled with more tears.

The officiant glanced around at the people around you that were gathered in the small room before clearing his throat and beginning to speak.

“(Y/N) and Harry have decided to write their own vows as a declaration of there love for one another as well as there marriage,” the man began, looking down at the notes in his hands.

You and Harry locked gazes with each other and both offered each other a small smile, this was really happening.

“God, Harry I don’t even know where to begin,”you looked down at the piece of paper in your hand that was filled with your handwriting.

“— just for this day, I had to Google what the definition of a soulmate was but then I realised I didn’t have to. You were the definition. Plain and Simple. When we first met our first conversation was me asking you for directions, but over the past three years of getting to know you and fall continuously in love with you, I have come to known that you have showed me new directions of life, directions I didn’t think I would see unless I hadn’t of met you. You continue to make me proud and that’s one of the main reasons I love you.”

You glanced up at him when you had finished reading your vows and watched as a single tear rolled down his cheek.

Harry turned to look at the small gathering of people you had invited to be here for this special moment, and a wet chuckle fell from his lips. “How on earth am I supposed to beat that?”

He turned back to look at you, unfolding a piece of paper from his shit pocket and starting to read aloud. “— My sweet girl, m’love, when we first started dating, straight from the get go I had promised to cherish you from then on out, from our first meeting you instantly captured my heart, you’ve made me a better person, and for that I simply can’t thank you enough, your all I ever want and more, I love you and will continue to love you as long as my heart remains beating.”

There was definitely not a dry eye in sight when Harry had finished reading.

“(Y/N) (Y/M/N) (Y/L/N), do you take Harry Edward Styles to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward?”

“I do.”

“And do you Harry Edward Styles take (Y/N) (Y/M/N) (Y/L/N) to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward?”

“Of course I bloody do!”

Harry’s best man, his stepfather Robin Twist steps forward from where he’s sat next to Anne, offering both of you the rings.

The ring slipped onto Harry’s finger effortlessly.

His hands worked delicately to slip yours on.

The officiant smiled adoringly. “— with the power invested in me, I now declare you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride!”

Harry didn’t waste a second in bringing his lip balmed lips down against yours, as the taste of strawberry filled your senses, the kiss was one full of tenderness and love.

It was all official.

You were now Mrs. (Y/N) Styles.

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June 18th, 2015 — the delivery.

"I'm here!"

You looked up from the hospital bed you were currently laying on to see your husband run into the room, his eyes wide as he assessed the situation.

You were laid on the hospital bed, tears falling freely down your cheeks as your mother crouched at your bed side holding your hand and soothing you.

"H..Harry…"You spoke, voice coming out dry and hoarse.

The man rushed to your side, taking a hold of your hand and pushing some of the hair that had dried around your forehead out of your face. "— it's okay sweet girl, it's all okay. I'm here now"

Your mother gulped and looked down at the two of you. "I'll wait outside, give the two of you some space"the older women turned to look at her daughter. "You've got this (Y/N)"

Got what exactly?

Let’s answer that question.

You and Harry never really got to have a proper honeymoon after your wedding, due to the fact he was touring and didn’t have enough time to change the plans when they surrounded the band and management.

So almost six months ago, the band had decided to go on a little break near Christmas time so that they could spend the new years at home with their families and so you and Harry went back to holmes chapel.

And on Christmas Eve, the two of you christened the night and an explosion of love was formed.

You got pregnant.

And now, not even near the full term of pregnancy, your waters had broken when you were on a coffee date with your mother, your nerves were heightened especially when you had four months left in your pregnancy.

Once your mother had left the room, you turned to look at your husband, swallowing roughly. "I can't do it Harry..it's too early..they're not gonna make it!"

"Don't think like that, everything's going to be fine, I promise.” and with that he pressed a kiss to your damp cheek, grabbing ahold of your hand and rubbing the back of it softly.

Suddenly, you pinched her eyes shut and let out one of the most ear piercing painful cries Harry had ever heard, his heart beating erratically against his rib cage.

He stood up. "— I'm going to go and get some help alright..i'll be back as soon as possible"

He ran out of the room his wife was in and towards the reception area, his eyes landing on nurses who were sat there talking away. "— I need some help..my wife's having our baby"

You were clutching your stomach when Harry sprinted back into the room and resumed his position next to you, the nurses coming in followed by a doctor all smiling at you in the bed.

"Hi Mrs Styles, my names Dr Armstrong and I'll be helping you deliver your baby today, to make this experience as calm as possible, I'm going to need you to lift up your legs for me so I can check how dilated you are"

"You've got this"Harry whispered, his lips pressed against the shell of your ear.

You hesitated for a few seconds due to the fact the only person that had ever looked between your legs was harry, and the thought of any other man seemed daunting, but after Harry gave you a gentle look you slowly raised your legs up so they were bent on the bed and watched with watery eyes as the doctor slipped some latex gloves on his hand before slowly placing his hands between your legs.

The doctor then pulled his hands back, Harry letting his eyes fall on the blood on the top of the gloves, the doctor muttering a few things to the nurses, who then walked over to the other side of the room and started picking up blankets and towels.

What was happening?

"Mrs Styles, Mr Styles"the doctor cleared his throat. "— this probably isn't what the two of you were expecting but this baby is coming rather fast, and when I say fast I mean very, very fast"

Harry gulped and shook his head. "But she's only five months, surely that's not right"

The doctor smiled at the soon to be father. "That is very soon yes sir, but I have delivered babies much sooner than five months, and if we do everything right and take our time everything should be fine, I assure you"

The words just made your throat go even more dry, like sandpaper upon hearing that you were ten centimetres dilated and was soon going to be having the baby which just sent a sense

of dread to vibrate throughout your body.

"I don't want to do this Harry," You cried. "I don't want to do this..I can't"

Harry stroked a hand through your hair that was sticking to your forehead. "— you can do this sweet girl, I know you can, wouldn't have put our sweet baby in you if I didn't"

You nodded your head with all the energy that you could muster up and sat up a little bit further in the bed, your tight grip on Harry’s hand only getting tighter.

"Okay Mrs Styles, give me a nice gentle push."the doctor instructed, the nurses coming over to be on standby.

The next contraction hits your body and you ground your teeth together as you push, putting all the counter pressure in your hips.

Pushing kind of felt like when you were going to the toilet, only this was much more painful.

Tears continued to slide down your cheeks, Harry’s slightly calloused hands rubbing across her own as his own eyes welled with tears seeing the girl he loved and adored in so much pain.

"That was so good Mrs Styles,"the doctor complimented. "You're doing so well, repeat what you just did for me when your next contraction occurs, okay?"

Harry kissed your temple, just as another contraction ripped through your body, making it feel as though you were on fire.

"I can see the head."

The voices were numb to your ears, seeing as you were too busy focusing on pushing, your teeth were gritted together as your head was tucked down to your chest.

"We're so close to meeting them Sweet girl, so close,"Harry encouraged, looking in the eyes of his wife whose eyes were black.

The usual colour were filled with a pain filled black.

"The next push and you should have your baby, give me a big push Mrs Styles."

You pushed, this one feeling much longer than the others, keeping a white knuckle grip on Harry’s hand.

And that's when you heard it.

A cry filled the room, a literal babies cry.

Your and Harry’s babies cry.

"Is everything okay?"Harry quizzed, not removing his hand from your sweaty grasp.

You watched as the doctor nodded his head, letting his eyes flicker from between the two. "— congratulations Mr and Mrs Styles, you have a beautiful baby boy."

A boy.

You had a son.

A beautiful baby boy who was your’s forever.

"Would you like some skin to skin contact with your son, Mrs Styles?"Dr Armstrong asked, holding the baby in his arms.

"Yes please."You answered, perhaps a bit too quickly.

The doctor walked forward and gently laid the baby against your bare chest, moving the hospital gown out of the way.

The second your sweet baby boy was placed against your chest, you couldn't help but loud out a few cries.

Sobs even.

It may have been a bit earlier than the two of you expected, but now you simply wouldn't change it for the world.

The Styles were complete.

Harry couldn't help but let a tear fall down his cheeks, not bothering to wipe it away.

This is all he had worked for, and now it was finally here he couldn't be happier.

"Do we have a name?"one of the nurses asked, smiling at the sight of the mother holding the baby.

You locked eyes with Harry. "You tell them sweet boy"

Harry swallowed and nodded his head, not letting his eyes falter from the baby boy attached to his wife's bare chest.

"August,"he spoke. "— August Harry Styles."

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July 2nd, 2015 — the announcement.

As Harry Styles sat down for his interview, his long hair cascaded down his shoulders as he sat with the rest of the boys on the James Corden Show, a striped shirt hugging his body made of different shades of blue silk, with some black skinny jeans and a pair of chelsea boots.

He greeted James with a warm smile and sat down in the middle of Niall and Louis, he couldn't help but feel a bit nervous. It had been a while since he had spoken to the press, and he knew that they would have a lot of questions for him.

The first few questions were easy enough - how was his music career going? What were his plans for the future? But then, James asked him the question he had been dreading.

A question regarding his son.

Harry couldn’t be mad at James, it was his job after all and he knew for a fact that it was bound to come up one day, James was his friends, he wasn’t alone in the interview seeing as he was surrounded by his band mates, so he didn’t really have a factor to worry about.

"Harry, there have been rumours circulating that you have a son. Can you confirm or deny these rumours?"

Harry took a deep breath and looked directly into the camera. "I can confirm that the rumours are true," he said, his voice steady.

The host raised an eyebrow. "Can you tell us more about your son? How old is he?"

"He's just a baby," Harry replied, not wanting to really give away much about him. "I don't want to get into too many details, but he's the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me."

And it was true.

Just over three weeks ago, little Auggie flew into there lives and made them just that much better than they already were.

The sleepless nights brought the two of you closer,

Nappy changes brought the two of you closer,

And baby sick made the two of you closer.

The interview continued, but Harry's mind was elsewhere. He couldn't shake the feeling that he had just revealed a major secret. What would people think of him now that they knew he was a father?

But when Harry left the studio and checked his phone, he was overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support from his fans.

They sent him messages telling him how happy they were for him and how much they respected him for being honest.

In the end, Harry realised that being a dad was nothing to be ashamed of - it was something to be proud of. And with his fans by his side, he knew he could handle anything that came his way.

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25th May, 2023 — tour life.

Touring with your husband whilst he completed his last leg of tour was something you would never get over.

Especially now that you had two little munchkins touring with you, it made you think of all the different places the two of them would get to visit at such young ages.

Your little August was weeks away from turning seven and recently you had welcomed a little girl into the family, well not really recently.

A little girl named Margot.

Margot ‘gigi’ Anne Styles.

Touring was amazing, you got to spend all day surrounded by the people you adored to the end of the earths.

You were currently in Edinburgh.

And the two of you had woken up early due to your teething newborn and decided to head down to the hotel gym whilst it wasn’t busy and get in a little workout alongside your husband to try and get your body back to its pre baby shape.

Whilst you got ready and pumped some milk that Margot would be eating later, Harry had taken the kids down to the gym with him and told you to meet him there as that would be easier.

It really was.

As you walked into the gym, your eyes instantly landed on your husband Harry who was on a treadmill, already working up a sweat.

Seeing him working out always seemed to do something to you, and you have no idea why.

Maybe it was because you liked the look of the way the sweat would be rolling down his skin and making it sticky.

Or the way his hair stuck to his temple making him even look more delicious.

Almost ten years of marriage and you still got fireworks erupting your body whenever you were in his presence.

You smiled to yourself as you made your way over to him.

"Hey there good looking," You greeted him with a kiss on the cheek, making him freeze slightly before registering that it was you and smiling softly to himself.

"Hey m’love," he replied, slowing down the treadmill to join you, he leant over the handles of the machine and leaned down so that you were the same height.

"How's it going?"

"It's good. I’m knackered, but it’s good,Just trying to keep in shape for our little ones," he said, pointing to your son August, who was playing in the corner and drawing in his notebook, whilst your eight-month-old daughter Margot, who was asleep in her stroller, thumb in her mouth and head pulled to the side.

"I know what you mean. It's crazy how much our lives have changed since we got married," You answered, wiping down the machine before hopping on and starting up on the treadmill with a brisk walk.

"Yeah, it's wild to think about. But I wouldn't change a thing. We have a beautiful family and I'm so proud of everything we've accomplished," he said, glancing over at the kids, a smile involuntarily making its way onto his face.

"Me too," You agreed, adjusting my speed so that you were now in a slow jog. "Sometimes I can't believe we went from being just two kids in love to parents of two."

It really did blow your mind sometimes.

You remember the first time that you met Harry and your nerves skyrocketed. You were new to the school and knew absolutely no one, so when you and him became friends, it was like the two of you were meant to be.

But now, through all the good and the bad, the two of you had made it out on top, through all the hate from his fans, and all the hardships you now had the most perfect family, one that you would be able to cherish for the rest of your life.

"I know, right? But we make it work and we make each other better. And that's all that matters," Harry leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your cheek before hopping back into his workout mode, matching your pace on the machine.

The two of you continued to work out, talking about the things you normally would, like what dreams you had during the night and what you wanted to do the day before his tour.

“I was thinking we could take the kids to a cafe for lunch today,” You suggested, taking a break on the machine to take a sip out of your water bottle. “— I was thinking it would be something different, I don’t want the kids to get bored, y’know?”

Harry pondered the idea for a second before nodding his head. “Yeah, sounds like a good idea.”

It wasn’t long before you were all heading out for cafe.

It was a warm and sunny afternoon when you l, Harry and the kids approached the cosy little cafe in the heart of the Scottish city.

After your little gym session this morning, you and Harry had both gone back to the hotel room, had some showers and then got yourselves and the kids ready.

Harry was wearing a dark grey t-shirt with some pastel coloured designs on the front of it, blue ripped jeans hugging his legs accessorised with a pair of blue and white chequered vans, a blue cap and his iconic white bug eyed sunglasses over his face.

Harry had gotten Margot ready this morning, as you were in the shower. She was wearing a dark green romper, with a nice white bow headband pushing her curls out of her face, some knee high white socks adorning her feet.

After making sure that August was ready, his outfit consisted of a beige coloured oversized shirt, a cap on his hat so that he could match his daddy and a cap so he could match his daddy, and a pair of black shorts on his legs.

Once all of the kids were ready, it was then your time to get ready for the day. You shifted through the suitcase containing your clothes and decided on a simple outfit. It consisted of a pink oversized jumper paired with a matching pink pair of cycling shorts, some sunglasses and a pair of trainers on your feet.

It seemed like forever until you were all ready to leave the room.

As you made your way inside the cafe, you could see August's eyes light up with excitement as he eyed the pastry display case.

A worker greeted the four of you as you approached the counter, pulling your sunglasses up so that they were resting on the top of your head.

Your little boy turned to look at you with puppy dog eyes. "Mommy, can I have a chocolate croissant?"

"Sure, sweetie,” You nodded your head, adjusting your hands that were resting on the stroller handles as they were getting a bit sweaty. “— But just one, okay?"

You really didn’t want to deal with him having a stomach ache if he ate too many Pan Au Chocolates.

All the food sounded so good.

"I think I'm going to get a sandwich,” Your Husband spoke.

“What about you, baby?" Your husband spoke up, looking at the menu that was hung above your heads.

"I'll have a panini, I think,” You told him, turning to look at him and offering him a small smile. “And Margot is just going to have some pureed veggies."

You placed our order and then proceeded to sit down at a cosy table by the window, the sun beating through the windows. Little Margot comfortably nestled in her stroller beside you and Harry whilst August sat on the other side of the round table so that he was also next to both of you.

It was filled with small talk whilst you waited for your order to arrive at the table, the Scottish weather really was amazing this time of year.

"Daddy, did you know that I spelt a really big word with Mrs. Addams today?" August piped up, leaning forward in his seat eagerly.

August was coming up to seven so that meant that he would have already started school, but due to the fact you and the kids were touring the world with Harry that means he wasn’t able to go to school as much as he would have liked.

So in order for him to continue his studies, you and Harry both agreed that a teacher coming on tour with the two of you would be what’s best, and so far it’s been really good.

There’s been times where August’s kicked off about being too tired to learn but Harry being his father just learns that he inherited his stubbornness.

August was definitely a daddy’s boy through and through, in personality and appearance, he definitely had a little bit of separation anxiety when it came to Harry, but that was totally plausible due to the fact he was away for work quite a lot.

When Margot came into the world, she completed your family, she filled a void that the three of you didn’t know were missing and made your hearts just that much fuller.

Both children were spitting images of their father, you wouldn’t think that you were the one that carried them at all.

They both had his iconic brown curls (Auggie’s were a bit more longer due to the fact he had seen a photo of Harry with long hair and insisted he grow it out.) they had his green eyes that you fell in love with, and had his dimples and bunny teeth.

“Really? That's amazing!” Your husband gushed, reaching forward to fist bump his son with a proud smile on his face. “— What word did you spell?"

"Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!"

"Wow, that's quite a mouthful,”Harry leaned forward to press a kiss against his mini me’s forehead. “I'm proud of you, buddy."

August smiled at his fathers words before you all began to chat about something else.

As the four of you chatted and waited for your food to arrive, Margot began to fuss and squirm in her stroller.

"Looks like someone's getting hungry,” You went to stand up and go to her aid, her veggie purée that was in the baby bag under the stroller. “Let me get her a bottle."

"I can do it, love,” Harry grabbed a hold of your wrist softly, and stood himself up to approach the stroller “You stay here and eat. I'll take care of Gigi."

You smiled gratefully at your husband as he took Margot out of her stroller and sat her down on his lap as he started feeding her the purée you had made this morning in the hotel room while August and you chatted about what he wanted to do for the rest of the day.

As you finished your lunch, Harry chuckled and began to speak, "I don't think I've ever been surrounded by this much cuteness before."

That was true, your kids were the absolute cutest and the two of you weren’t biassed at all.

“And we wouldn't have it any other way." You sighed contentedly, they were your entire world, without the kids and Harry you're not sure what you would be doing right now.

With full bellies and happy hearts, you gathered your things and headed back out into the bustling city, ready to take on the rest of the day together as a family.

As you left the cafe in Edinburgh, you watched as Harry pushed Margot’s stroller, and held August’s hand so that he was close to you. You could see the fans waiting outside, and knew that you had to be careful.

As you made your way to the car, the fans started to call out your husband's name. "We love you, Harry!" they would shout.

You could feel August's grip on your hand tightening. He was scared, and you didn't blame him. You had been going out with Harry for thirteen years and still his fans didn’t cease to make you anxious. But you knew that you had to keep moving, to show that August couldn’t be scared because he would be scared if you were.

You reached the car, and Harry quickly put Margot in her car seat. August climbed into the back, and I got into the passenger seat, whilst Harry got in the driver's seat. As you drove away, you could see the fans in the rearview mirror, still calling out your husband's name.

"Mommy, why do they want to see daddy?" August asked, you could hear a slight quiver in his voice.

You offered him a gentle smile as you turned back to look at him in the backseat, his hand was holding onto his Sister’s,"Because he's a very talented singer, Auggie. A lot of people love his music."

August nodded, and you could see that he was starting to relax. You knew that it was going to be a long tour, but you were determined to keep your family safe and happy.

As Harry drove through the streets of Paris, you could feel the excitement building in the air. Harry’s husband's tour was going to be huge, and you

Knew that he was going to be amazing. But you also knew that it was going to be hard on all of you.

"Mommy, can we listen to daddy’s music?" August asked from the backseat.

"Of course, sweet boy," Harry enthusiastically reached forward, turning on the radio. Adore You came on, and I could see August's face light up.

"Your so good," August exclaimed, “— your the bestest singer in the whole wide world!” He was tapping his foot to the beat.

You and Harry both smiled, You were feeling proud of your husband and his talent. But also knew that being a pop star wasn't easy. There were always fans waiting outside, always paparazzi trying to get a photo.

You and your family arrived back at the hotel, and you quickly got Margot out of her car seat whilst Harry picked August up, although he was almost seven years old almost, he still like a cuddle.

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May 26th, 2023 — late night talking.

“Can you believe it's been almost ten years since we got married?" You asked Harry as you lifted up his hand to play with the wedding band sitting around his ring finger.

You laid in bed with Harry in Edinburgh, after his show and the two of you were absolutely knackered.

His show was incredible like it always was, he got the crowd going like always and brought a smile on not just your face and the children’s faces but every fan's face in the stadium.

He was in everybody's safe space.

You had put the kids to bed earlier and had both shared a shower together before crawling into bed and snuggling up against one another like always.

Harry chuckled and replied, "I know, it feels like yesterday. We were so young and naive back then."

You smiled up at him, shifting on your side and placing a hand on his naked torso (he liked to sleep in just his boxers), "But look at us now, we have a beautiful family and a great life."

Harry nodded his head. "Yeah, we've come a long way. I'm proud of us."

You looked at Harry, "Remember when we used to talk about having kids? We were so scared."

Harry laughed, "Yeah, we were clueless. But now we have August and Margot, and I’d like to say we're doing just fine."

Parenting was definitely hard at times, but you and Harry always worked together to make sure that everything was going smoothly at all times, you both agreed you didn’t want your kids growing up in a household where there was animosity.

You grinned,pecking a kiss to his chest, "August is growing up so fast. He's already six years old."

Where had the time gone?

Where was your itty bitty five pound baby?

"I know, it's crazy,” Harry nodded, rubbing a hand up and down your back in a soft manner. “—And Margot is already eight months old. Time really does fly."

You sighed contentedly, "I'm so grateful for you and our family. We've been through so much, but we always come out stronger."

Harry smiled lovingly at you, pressing a soft kiss to your nose, "That's what love does. It makes us stronger."

It was true.

You and Harry always came out stronger when the two of you had a little disagreement, and that’s what made your relationship worth while.

You and Harry continued talking, reminiscing on your lives, feeling grateful for their life together. You knew that you had both come a long way, but if there was one thing you were looking forward too, it was to see what the future for their family.

"Are you okay?" You asked Harry as you noticed him struggling to keep his eyes open.

Harry shook his head, "I'm just feeling a bit tired today. I didn't get much sleep last night due to Gigi teething and the routings just started to get to me, nothing that a good nights sleep can’t fix.”

Yoy looked at Harry with concern, "Why didn't you tell me? Tonight, when the baby monitor goes off, I’m going to get Margot, I don’t care if you insist I sleep, I’m going, you need to be well rested.”

Harry smiled at you once again, yawning shortly before. "Thank you. But I wanted you to get some rest too. You've been working so hard lately."

You felt touched by Harry's words.

You knew that he was always looking out for you, even when he was struggling himself.

“Let’s try and get some shut eye.” You turned to the left and switched off your lamp on the bedside table before turning back around and snuggling into your husband's chest once again.

This was definitely your favourite sleeping position. His arms made you feel safe, as if no harm could ever come to you or the kids.

“I love you.” Harry spoke, looking down at you and puckering his lips slightly.

“And I love you, darling,” You replied, pressing one last goodnight kiss to his lips. “— from here to eternity?”

“From here to eternity.”

[asmallpinkfan3]

So heard you were taking requests for Death 👀

Could i ask for a Death with an outlaw/thief fox reader whos literally just Robin Hood

That sounds really cool, and since I can’t sleep this is coming right up!

Death with a fox outlaw! Reader who is just like Robin Hood.

Warnings: robbing, swearing and just a little bit of fighting, greedy rich people.

No specific pronouns.

Since there was no romantic or platonic specified ask it can be what ever you want it to be.

You robbed yes, but you had a reason to rob people. Only robbing from greedy rich people because they would do nothing to help you village when they needed it and knew they could help the people who were in poor condition.

It started when you were a teen, “please my shop is the only thing I have to keep me in business”! A man on his knees begged a man in a black suit. “I’m must say you people will do anything to keep your money in your small piggy banks”. The man smiled down at the man, his eyes were pure greed filled and his eyes burned into the man’s head.

“It’s such a shame I must say but I am buying your shop from you”. You saw as the man on the ground ball his fist and tears welled up in his eyes. That day you realized what you were gonna do.

That very night you broke into the greedy man’s home and stole anything valuable while he was drinking at the pub. Your ears twitched at the clock ticking. A small gasp fell from your snout and you ran to the clock, it was a grandfather clock. “This must be worth a fortune”. You stated, reaching a law out you pulled the clock from where it stood and put it on your horse. Returning back inside you saw the man’s safe unlocked, “he must have forgot to shut it completely”.

As you walked closer to the safe your eyes widened at the amount of money inside. Taking every last penny from the safe you put it into a separate bag and shut the safe. After taking anything valuable you rode home. “I’ll be damned if the man takes mr. jones shop away from him”. You spoke as you hid everything until you could sell them the next day.

After getting all of the money from the valuables you smiled as you walked to mr. Jones’s home. Knocking he answered and his wife opened the door. “Is mr.jones here ma’am”? You asked with the most politeness. She nodded and went to get him, walking out he was confused. “What are you doing here y/n”? He asked asks your ears twitched.

“I think this is enough to buy back your shop sir”. You told him taking out the money. His eyes widened so did his wife’s. “Where did you-“ “do not worry about it”. You responded to his question that you cut off. You smiled at him, handing him the money you turned. “Hey y/n”. He said you turned back to him with a questioning look, “sir”? You asked your ears falling back. “Thank you for this may you have a wonderful life”. He answered your question with a smile happy tears now forming in his eyes. “Anytime”. You smiled walking to your horse you jumped back in it riding home.

Now back to present you were fighting a guard. He slashed at your face only for you to dodge with ease, lowering your head you bit onto his leg. He screamed in pain and fell onto his back cradling his leg. His face turned back to you only for you to knock him out with your foot.

“Ah the mischievous y/n”. You turned only to see a wolf, “and who might you be since you know who I m”? You asked picking your blade pointing it at the wolf. He only grinned, “my name is death and I don’t mean that in a metaphorically, or any other fancy way I am death straight up”. He said and you felt a chill run up your spine.

“Are you here to collect my soul”? You asked a eyebrow raised. He let out a small chuckle. “No I’m here to collect the old man that you just robbed from after all it’s his time to go”. You lowered your blade and smiled, “the doors wide open so there’s that you stated pointing to the door that was busted from you kicking it in.

“Ah thanks I guess”. The wolf said walking inside. Putting the valuables on your horse you got in it about to ride off. “Hey after you are done with selling them I’ll meet with you again”. Death said standing beside the beside the knocked out guard.

“We’ll see about that”. You said as you rode off. The next day while you were taking a day off you heard a whistle. You held your knife close to your chest.

“It’s just me muerte”. You heard as you turned and pointed the blade at him. “I guess you weren’t lying huh”? You said with a small smile.

“Nope not at all”. You put your knife back into its holder on your belt, even in your own living room you couldn’t be to safe you never know who might be after you.

“Do you value you life at all”? He suddenly asked. You stopped mid track of fixing your belt.

“I do I steal from the greedy and give to the poor”. You answered, “I just use my life to give to others and I will die doing this”.

He smiled at how you lived, “you would die for someone that you wouldn’t even know but if they needed help you would put your life on the line huh”? He asked and you smiled.

“Of course it’s what I’ve been doing ever since I was a teen”.

“And that’s how it’s gonna be for the rest of my time”.

[toonbly]

ive been listening to the alex jones trial from a few years back and as a result i had a dream last night where alex fully fucking believed "the legend of sleepy hollow" was real and while being deposed the lawyer asked him "Mr.Jones are you aware that this Ichabod Crane you site as a source is not a real person?"

[cornnick]

Spider-Man Beyond The Web Chapter 1- AVALANCHE PT 1

Downtown Brooklyn

It was a nice night as a couple was coming out of a friend's place. A man and a woman. "Next time don't convince me to go to a party this late at night," she said as he chuckled softly "Just want to treat my girl right on the night of the town." he said as the two went to an alley "And besides my place isn't that far anyhow," he said as the two walked. However, they soon saw "someone" just leaning against the wall. "Aw. there you are, Mr.Jones. I have been waiting for ya to come by." the person said as Jones looked at the person. "Babe...who is this?" his girlfriend asked. "Oh sorry.  Didnt introduce myself." the person came close. "My name is Herman Schultz. But Jones here knows me as..." "Shocker..." Jones said as Shocker nodded his head "Wow Jones you look snazzy in that suit you're wearing." he said as Jones pulled his girl behind him. "What do you want?" Jones asked "You already know what I want. Tombstone is waiting for their money. Where is it?" he asked as Jones looked at him. "Don't tell me you wasted it on this suit and a night on the town with your girl." Shocker looks at his gauntlets as they make a sound. "You know what I have to do now." he said as Jones shook his head  "N-No please get it. Promise I just need more time." Jones said as Shocker looked at him before firing off a seismic blast at a dumpster that was behind the two, A dumpster flew and hit a building. "Next time that's gonna be you, Jones. Get. The. Money." Shocker said threateningly and soon walked off. Jones's Girlfriend held him tightly as she looked up at him. "What did you get yourself into?" she asked him. Jones didnt have an answer. 

Hospital

Nick slowly woke up as he smelled some...flowers. "Huh?" he looked around as he sat up. he saw red roses. "Oh?" he said as he soon saw his mom who was asleep. "Mom?" he said. She woke up and saw her son. She soon immediately hugged him "You're ok!" she said as she held his face. "Yeah Mom I'm fine," he said as he looked around. "Um where dad?" he asked "Oh he's getting some food for us," she said as Nick nodded. He felt...ok surprisingly. "Um, Mom. How long have I been in here?" he asked. "A day. Don't worry the teachers sent the work you missed." he said as Nick huffed a bit "Of course they did." the door opened. His dad came in with some food and his eyes. "You awake." he said as he set the food down. "you feeling alright?" he asked as Nick nodded "Yeah I'm fine. I don't feel that bad." Nick gets up. "is that bacon?" he asked as his dad nodded. "Alright. I'm gonna get the doctor so they can check on you," he said as he got up and left. Nick sees his dad go. He went to eat his breakfast.

A Few Hours Later

The doctor checked up on Nick as he wrote things down. "Mmm. He seems to be alright," he said as Nick's dad smiled. "I do recommend keeping him for a few more hours, however." the doctor said as Nick sighed. "Come on I feel fine. Can I just go? I wanna hang out with my friends, And get all this homework done my god." He said seeing all of the work he has. "Well, Doc. if it's his choice. it's his choice." his dad said. Nick's mom nodded as she got up. "I'll get the car ready," she said as she left, The doctor nodded as he went out of the room as well. Nick went to the bathroom as he went to put his clothes on. He sighed, after he was done with homework he was going to hang out with his friends. Miles texted him to meet up at his uncle's place. So he couldn't wait for that. Pizza night was happening now. Nick got his clothes on but soon remembered as he peeked his head out of the bathroom. "Hey, Dad do you have my toothbrush?" he asked as his dad nodded and handed his toothbrush and his toothpaste. "Thanks," Nick said as he closed the bathroom door. He went to the sink and twisted the handle but the handle snapped off. Nick's eyes widened as he looked at the handle. "Uhhh." he used the other handle and that snapped off as well. "...." he exited the bathroom as he looked at his dad. "I'll brush my teeth when we get home," he said as he started to leave.  Williamsburg-Autoshop

Shocker was driving in his car as he drove to an auto shop. he parks his car and got out. he was carrying a duffel bag as he went inside. He saw some of the workers in here as he went to the back of the office. As he did he saw someone coming out of the office. "Move it kid." the 5'3 flattop said as Shocker just glared. he then entered the office. "Ahhh  Herman. Nice to see you." his boss said with a smile. "Got this month's debts?" his boss asked as he nodded as he set the duffel bag down "Of course Tombstone...well all except one," he said as Tombstone looked at him. "Let me guess. Mr.Jones White?" She said as Shocker nodded. "Mmm. Herman you know the rules about debts. If they can't pay it-" "I know the rules. However, Jones was with someone. Couldn't do much with that now can I?" Shocker said as Tombstone nodded. "Ahhh I understand." she opened the duffel and went to count. "I know you won't let me down Herman...how long did you give him?" she asked. "I didn't give a set time. But if he doesn't give me his debt at the end of the week...well...you know how I do." Shocker said as he smirked under his mask. 

Downtown Brooklyn-Apartments

Nick was in the bathroom, slowly turning the handle. the water came out as he breathed a sigh of relief and started to brush his teeth. What he did in the hospital bathroom was far from weird. He didnt know he was that strong...or...ever now that he thought about it. He soon got a call from his phone and he answered "MmmYeah." he said continuing to brush his teeth. "Hey dude you alright." Miles said "MmmYeah I'm fine...Um, we're still on for your uncles tonight right?"  Nick asked "Oh yeah for sure. Gwen and Mayday are coming." Miles said. Nick wonders a bit before asking. "MmmIs Maxine coming?" he asked "We think so?" Miles said, "She didnt have a phone with her so I gave her an old one I had lying around." Miles said as he sighed a bit. "We talked to her a bit and...dude...I think she's been through it," he said as Nick rinses and spits. "Yeah I could tell when she flinched when we tried to shake her hand." he said "But hey maybe when she gets to know us better then maybe things can change and she'll open up a bit...hopefully." he said "Speaking up. I see you try to flirt with her." Miles said as Nick sighed "Yeah maybe not the best timing after what happened. I'm gonna take things slow...and the pizza party is the perfect place." Nick said with a smile. "Ok, I gotta go. Talk to you later," he said to Miles as he hung up and went out of the bathroom as he went to his room. "Hey Kiddo." his dad said as he looked at his dad. "Yeah, Dad?" Nick said. "Could you go to the store and get some tools for your mom? I would do it but I have a call to take." his dad hands him 50 dollars. "Oh sure no problem," Nick said as he started to head out the front door and started to walk to the door and left. 'Ok, tools for mom.' Nick thought to himself as he then saw the hardware store before stopping. 'Mmm. Maybe I can stop at Gwen's place to listen to her play a little bit?' he thought to himself again he soon stopped. "Why am I hearing my voice out loud?" he asked himself as some passerby looked at him funny. Nick sighed as he went to the hardware store. "Hey, Nick." The owner said Nick waved "Sup Greg." Nick said as he went to buy what he needed as he headed to the back of the store. Soon someone else entered the store. "Hey Welcome wha-" a gun was aimed at Greg. "Put the money in the bag." the man said wearing a mask. Greg's eyes widen as he looks at the man. Soon he complied as he opened the register and started to put the money in the bag. The man waited as he still had his gun aimed at him. Unknown to the man however Nick was coming from the back with a wrench as he sneaks up behind the man. he was getting close. The man looked up at the ceiling mirror and saw Nick behind him so he turned around and went to shoot Nick. As he did Nick reacted and threw the wrench at the man's face making the man hold his nose "AWWW MOTHERFUCKER!" he yelled as he started to shoot at Nick but Nick dodged the bullets as his body was almost moving on its own. Nick heard a click as the man growled grabbed the bag full of money and ran for it. "Greg, are you ok?" Nick asked coming over "Yeah I'm fine kid." he said as he started to call 911. Nick sighed in relief as his heart was racing...what was that just now...the way he moved...it was...something. 'What was that?' he thought to himself.  Timeskip to a few hours- Mr.Aarons Davis Place

"And then it was like my body was moving on its own," Nick said to Gwen, Mayday, Maxine, and Miles. "That just sounds badass," Gwen said as she ate some pizza. "Yeah, it was pretty cool huh?" Nick said softly as he drank some soda. "Must have been scary tho seeing that?" Miles said as Nick nodded his head "I was terrified believe me...but I couldn't just let Greg get robbed I had to do something. Mom and Dad always say 'If you see a problem act'...Just you know don't get hurt." Nick said as he ate his pizza. Mr.Davis came over. "Alright, Miles. I have to go. you and your friends don't make too much of a mess now you hear." he said as Miles nodded "We won't unc." Miles said as Mr.Davis smiled as he soon left. Mayday sees him go before looking at Nick. "So your body just moved on its right?" she asked. Nick nodded his head "Yep crazy." he said as Mayday nodded her head. "More than crazy I think." she eats a pizza. "What do you mean?" Miles asked. "Well...Let me test something." Mayday said as she went to take out a brick. "Where that's a brick? Why do you even have a-?" Mayday threw the brick at Nick. His eyes widen but he caught the brick. "Nice reflex," Mayday said as Nick looked at her. "Why would you do that?" Maxine asked as Mayday looked at her and sat down. "Well...I think you may have some powers now," she said as Nick's eyes widened and let out a chuckle. "Powers you say?" he said as Mayday nodded her head. "Think back. You never felt this way before right...not after Oscorp," she said as Nick looked at her but then he understood. "Wait wait what are you saying?" Gwen asked. "Does Nick have powers now?" she asked. "I think so...And I think I know which one." Mayday takes out a comic book she has and shows it to Nick. "Spider-Man?" he said "Hey I know that guy. He was that hero way back when yeah?" Maxine said looking at the comic. "My dad always talked about how much of a menace he was," she said as Mayday looked at Maxine. "Well...yeah.But it seems that Nick...Might have something similar to Spider-Man." She said as Nick looked at them. They looked at him. "...So...What else can you do?" Gwen asked. Nick looked at them as he thought. "Very good question..." he said  Williamsburg-Autoshop

"You tried to rob a store in broad daylight!" Jones looks at Shocker as he is getting quite an earful. "Do you know how fucking dumb you are Jones," he said as Jones looks away. "I wasn't expecting anyone to be there..." he said as he looked away and Shocker sighed. "Look, Jones. This bag of money isn't gonna cut it." he shakes the bag of money Jones bought in. "I know I know...I can do better..." he said as Shocker shook his head. "No. Tombstone finds out about this. you're a dead man. Who's gonna take care of your girl when you're gone." he said as Jones looked down. Shocker came over. "Lucky for you. I'm a decent guy," he said smugly. "I'm gonna help you pay off your debt with Tombstone. Hope you're comfy with that mask on buckaroo 'cause we're going to be robbing a money truck." Shocker said as Jones's eyes widened. "What. That truck will have a ton of security!" he said as Shocker chuckled. "I know... it's gonna be fun." 

[fanficg12023]

The Revenge

Synopsis:

What would have happened if the humans came back to the farm but with a secret weapon this time? When Mr Jones was returning to revenge against animals, he faced himself staring at unique creatures that he had never seen before. These strangely friendly creatures called themselves The Angry Birds. These birds with their hatred against the pigs, they're gonna help Mr jones? Will the farm return to the humans and The Birds?

Antonio ferraro and Bruno Bonumá 9A

Fanfic:

At night, a shadow moved toward the farm, the humans were back, but this time with company. A secret, a mysterious weapon was about to act.  Mr Jones with a desire for revenge against the animals that habited the farm, led the charge. 

He was walking in the darkness of the night, alone, when he found 5 different birds that he had never seen before. He started to talk with the birds and to tell his story about the farm, by coincidence he discovered the birds hated the pigs that command the farm. They talked for a long time and finally, they decided to attack, so they made a plan to take the farm again and defeat Napoleon.

The plan is that at 10 am they will meet in the mountain next to the farm to execute the attack, this plan is based on 2 steps. The first step is to make a slingshot to put down the angry birds and destroy the windmill, to distract the animals and open the farm to the humans. The second step was to go to the entrance and with an army of humans enter, running and searching for Napoleon to kill him.

    They woke up at 9 am to prepare and positioned themselves. Mr.Jones was very excited about the plan because it was his chance to return home. 10 am the humans and the birds were ready to fight, so they began to execute the plan. The angry birds threw themselves and exploded the windmill, the animals of the farm didn´t know what to do and started running away from the farm. So was the time to do the second step and find Napoleon. With all this chaos, Mr Jones met with Napoleon alone, so he didn't think twice and killed him.  The farm was achieved by Mr Jones and the angry birds, the guy was very happy to return to his house and the pigs were satisfied with the death of the pigs. As the farm was very large, Mr Jones invited the birds to live with him and to start a new life without pigs. The birds accepted and they celebrated the new journey.

[fellowfrog]

I cant resist spoilers , they got me WHY DID HENRY TURNED INTO A VILLIAN????!!!!! OMGGGGGG WHY ARE ALL THE HOT GUYS THAT I LIKE IN THIS BOOK TURNS INTO VILLAINS MR.JONES,HENRY! WHO'S NEXT JUPITER?!?!!!

[winterfromwof-alt]

I'm gonna name some of my ocs and you guys can make random ships of them

DHAU/ Demon-Human Alternate Universe(my universe thing): Eric, Emri, OneEye/Ariel, Daniel, Ghost, Dani (she's dead btw), Daniella, M(r)s.Jones, Mr.Jones (also dead), Ajax, Beth, Katie, Victoria, Jermacia, Chris, Lil'Killer, Mr.Killer (dead 3.0), Mrs.Killer, Lucifer, Mr.Arson, Mrs.Arson, Mr.Blaze, Zayne, Ava, Lunar, Solar, Planet, O, Starburst, Mrs.Valley, Mr. Eclipse, Mr.???(he died a while ago), Mars (basic name), Halo, Nyx, Valentine, Champagne, Michael (definitely not named after @mikeybuddha), *Some character that doesn't have a name yet 💔*, October(ALSO dead), Pumpkin, Jack/Mr.O'lantern, Mist, Mr.Blue, Baby Blue, Coral, Mr.Vine, Sherman, Seahorse, GlowFish, Mrs.Titan, Alex/Alexander, Alyssa, Mr.Titan, Wyatt, West (his last name is Ern), XX (a robot), TeaVee (also a robot), Clover, Dream (not the youtuber), Wreath, Mrs.Nature, Mr.Nature, Robin, Fire, Jay (guess what....ALSO DEAD!!!), Freezed, VFT/Venus Fly Trap, Cayenne, GoatSheep (wth is that name), Canvas, Unknown, Sora, Serpent (killed Mr.Jones), Narrator, Creator (god/nsrs)

Haunting House (another one of my universe things): Leshero, Morhero, Trypan, Arachnid, Clown (forgot her real name 💔), Scop, Hemo, Phasma (I think that's how I spell it), Agora

OSC/ object show community: TrafficCone (TC), Hoddie, Piano (nearly killed), Electric (Electric guitar), Extinguisher (fire extinguisher), Sticks(yes there are 2 of them), Pretzel, Star (ninja star), Weight (5 pounds), Weight (20 pounds), Tie (hair tie), Mephone14(II oc <3)

WoF/Wings of Fire: Silver, Slushie, Stormie, Nightmare, Gemstealer, Everest, Polar, Antenna, Insect, Dandelion, Light, Butterfly, Tranturla, Mango, Nightshade, Termite, Peach, Ocean, Puddle, Seashell, Sunshower, Heat-Wave, Cacti, Lumi, Kiwi, Weather, Hurricane, Berry, Bayou, Galaxyseer, Oyster, Honey-Dew, Flamethrower, Cardinal, Aloe, Reef, Rosy, Sage, Flamecatcher, Planetwalker, Mysterious, Seashell (all of the wof ocs are nearly killed, minus Oyster and Flamecatcher, they died)

Fairys (just some random fairy ocs idk): Clara, Yiona (not named after me), Gem, Lava, Lavender, Max, Ophie (my friend help me make her), Ienna (another one of my friend help me make her), Jack (another oc name Jack?? omg)

TMF (The Music freaks): Wednesday(not named after Wednesday Addams/srs), Nora, Noah, Lunar, Lillian, Nathan (dead), George, Rain, Taylor, Berry (another oc named berry?? omg), Carlos, Max (another oc named max?? omg)

That's it :D (I think)

[mr-asa-jones]

This is one of the naughtiest girls at Saint Helena High School for Wayward Girls, it is Charlotte.

I am about to cane her bare bottom, only four strokes, but she will know about them.

The reason I am showing you her today, is her ability not to just touch her toes, but keep her legs straight and put her palms flat on the floor before her feet.

Have a look before I wallop her bottom!

Mr.Jones (Headmaster)

[thecoolerantistraight]

Listened to my give ‘em enough rope cd all the way through for the first time and spent most of it admiring mr.jones here

[nonexistantfandoms]

Spoilers up to chapter 185 of There is no Epic Loot here, Only Puns

“There is no Epic Loot here, Only Puns” au but the only difference is that the story is set in a sci-fi urban fantasy supernatural world.

Delta was a teacher in the 1910s with a love for fiction stories and management board games. On an excursion in the woods with her group of students a sudden landslide fell on top of them killing them all. Her students had complicated home lives and she was an unmarried woman in her mid-twenties, their lives and names were quickly forgotten outside of the odd police reports.

Unfortunately just 10 years later a war of greater proportions than any other in history broke out erasing any remaining traces of them.

3 generations pass, and in an abandoned schoolhouse in the post-200 years war countryside Delta wakes, Delta wakes as a dungeon core.

The story progresses normally: Delta accidentally chooses goblins as her starter monsters, screams at god, screams at mushrooms, experiences the overwhelming guilt of ending a life, and chooses the harder path in life of being good.

Dungeons in this world function similarly to how they work in the story, only they run on supernatural energy instead. All of the different races and beasts are already part of the world and contracts work the same. The main major difference is dungeons can’t form on their own, they need to take over a previously abandoned space. In the pre-war era, the amount of abandoned buildings was limited, dungeons grew extremely slowly and were pretty weak.

But now abandoned buildings are the norm thanks to the war. Additionally, the casualties in the war caused a new wave of more powerful dungeons to be brought into existence.

Dungeons in this world also have something particular, they can only be dungeons after the sun sets. In the morning they act and have the same purpose as the building they are mimicking.

(Dungeons were programmed this way by Sis to help human recuperate after the war and gather seeds more easily)

Delta being a teacher and taking over a school of all places made this change easy because she already knows information about how school works, albeit very very old information but the basic idea nonetheless.

The local town of Durance sits in the barren county side of Verul, the remaining buildings which stand after the war are the only remarkable man-made landmarks in the region. No one from Durance really cares about what is outside of their little town unless it’s important which is a remarkably hard feat to achieve considering this town is chock full of retired ghost hunters and adventures.

For example a building popping in to existence at the edge if town? barely anyone bats an eye, that building is a school? now that gets everyone’s attention. Because of how isolated this region is the closest school is the local college run by Mr. Jones.

And while Mr. Jones happily accommodates younger students there is just so much he can do when his main focus is on the college-age students. And there also is just so much parents can handle of waking up at the ass crack of dawn to get their kids to school on time.

So a school appearing one day is a pretty big deal just not in a normal people's way.

(Fun fact a bonus of being a dungeon is that you automatically get all the licenses and deeds needed to function as the business you’re mimicking )

The time period in which Delta wakes up is just after the start of winter break giving her around 3 weeks before school starts again.

The plot follows normally, Quiss and Ruli show up. Quiss being able to harness fire through a combination of supernatural and sci-fi means, Ruli just Ruli.

Ruli gives Delta the current curriculum snatched from Mr.Jones and they make an announcement in town.

In this world the laws of the land allows people to enter and use the business the dungeon occupies freely as long as no one enters it after night falls, in return the dungeon will be judged like any other business of that type and if it didn’t meet standards people weren’t allowed in. Basically normal stuff.

The plot goes on as normal only all the events happen at night or right after the sun sets

Now for the fun part seeing which dungeon denizen is which teacher. I’m not sure this is permanent, and it might change later depending on who gets added to the cast next:

Muffet:

-The art teacher

-she uses a life size marionette to teach that looks like her spider shifter form without the spider part

-She says she teaches this way because she has to stay home for a personal reason, in reality shes in her spider form on the ceiling puppeting the marionette

Queenie:

-Teacher’s assistant

-helps Muffet in class because she doesn’t talk verbally

-Gossip Fiend

-His phone background is a picture of him and Maestro

The spiders:

-The art class pet

-A colony of spiders who live in the terrarium in the back of the classroom

-Miss Muffet says they have a secret language

-School urban legend

—

Waddles:

-School mascot

-Lives in the pond in the middle of campus

-Students say if you mess with him you will have bad luck for the entire day

-School urban legend

The fish:

-Lives in the pond with Waddles

-Some students swear they’ve seen a gigantic cat fish in the pond

-School urban legend

Clamamity:

-School donate box shaped like a gigantic clam with goggly eyes

—

Merry & Tweeter

-Lives in the school store room

-Students don’t know why the school hasn’t caught them yet

-Has bitten multiple students

Maestro:

-The music teacher (obviously)

-Nightmarish but passionate in getting students hyped for music

-Students who have been with him for at least a week can no longer be scared by horror movies

-Is the school radio host and sometimes collaborates with the theater teacher for musicals

-Semi popular artist online

Lord Mushy:

-The English teacher

-Student’s favorite

-Him and Maestros being brothers is never hidden but still manages to be shocking either way

-

Cois:

-Chemistry teacher

-Has waxed poetically about fire before in class

-Surprisingly becomes a favorite if that student gets over his boasting

Billy:

-Math teacher

-Enjoys making students cry

-students in his class pass with flying colors and highly traumatized

-Tells his class embarrassing things Cois did

Numb:

-Karate club teacher, SEL (social emotional learning) teacher

-Really nice but can kick your ass

-Has been the inspiration for a student’s comic’s male lead

Fera:

-Lunch lady

-Food at this school is extremely good

-Everyone is slightly scared of her

Fran & Bacon:

-The gym teacher

-passionate and caring

- Bacon is his pet pig who lives in the small field connected to the gym

-Fran has a small orange lance key chain

In the morning the teachers are normal people, they look normal they act normal with their little quirks and oddities. The school itself is nothing out of the ordinary, a little old fashioned some might say but it good at what it does.

In the night however things change, the floor itself shifts, rearranges, and distorts into a gigantic maze of corridors and monsters even as the outside world stays the same. Well… not monsters some might say. While it’s true under the light of the moon they are no longer human -skins of green, claws and mandibles, monstrous bodies, and spongy skin, coming alive from their inanimate bodies- that doesn’t mean they are no longer people. They laugh, they cry, they talk and they live like the people they are, it just so happens they are denizens of a dungeon.

That's it for now, more for the other floors later :D

[heavenboy09]

Happy Birthday 🎂 🥳 🎉 🎈 🎁 🎊  To The Most Distinguished and Incrediblely Talented Actor Of Academy Award Winning Roles and On Most Days Is a Highly Skilled Secret Government Agent, Montioring Extraterrestrial 👽 Activity On The Planet Earth 🌏 😉

Give it up for

MR. TOMMY LEE JONES

Happy Birthday 🎂 Mr.Jones 🕴 #TommyLeeJones #AgentK

[kevin-keller-artistic-director]

It's so bizarre to see jug refered to as Mr.Jones even Hiram calls him Jughead

[mannytoodope]

Mr.Jones:You know what your problem is? You think money grows on trees.Just go out, pick you 4 or $500 and go off and just dance and eat chicken and dance. You just having all the fun in the world.You know how many stinking dogs I gotta catch... to fill that big  bowl you got there, boy? Forty-five, 50 dogs. Stinking, nasty dogs and 12 of them little stinking things they call a chihuahua.- You better put some water on that  cereal , boy because we don’t have any milk.

Craig:All right, I'll eat it.

Mr.Jones: Hey, hey, hey. Take the garbage out front, son.