#My family just deals with my bullshit

[fatedroses]

Chance encounters in Costa del Sol.

[theladyfae]

i think human nature/family of blood is a really good two parter in how it manages to show how full of shit ten is 🫶

[zapsoda]

ok but blatantly and inarguably a lot of "accepting" parents would rather their children be ~nonbinary~ and/or ~nontransitioning~ than binary transgender, and this doesnt devalue exorsexism (not only because it is another form of exorsexism) but because it is a fact

[butnotbubblegum]

using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, don’t read them if you’re having a bad day, they’ll probably not help in the slightest.

[be-good-to-bugs]

would love if people would be normal about tourettes

[spotsupstuff]

WAIT they're Sparrows- unless I'm wrong, disregard my last ask please-

disregarded, capt'n o7

yes, indeed that there is Sparrows! jglkdsjglsdmkl put on a rebreather mask, some cloth for scarf n pull down those jacket sleeves n suddenly it's a different person..... the Perry the Platypus effect.................

here's a fun fact that i've been toyin with yesterday so you get Smth crispy outta this interaction: so the post-mass ascension off string au takes place after Tinkerer goes to ascend, so we r pretty late in the timeline and things are Complicated. the Folk Gods come together when Tink swims down and start talking among each other

"should we allow these Iterator things to be the next society?" "without a reset???" "they've suffered so much... it'd be kind. the void abuse wasn't their fault." "but *still* without at least *some* reset?" "it shouldn't be too terrible." "well, when *Lord Emancipation* says so..." "but how should we-? they are bound. they are limited. though they mock us, they are blatantly limited."

and so in this the separation of puppets from the structures would be a result of divine intervention rather than that strange evolution that happens durin the Ancient times version of off string. and since they have Tink here, since they have Sparrows here, and since Euros has been a faithful good worshipper/follower (his words lonely companions to the shunned Gods, once the rural Ancients have gone nearly extinct), they decide to bring Sparrows back into the world

it's Sparrows through and through, but at first she has to figure out how to live not like a slugcat again (trying to pounce doesn't work that well for her, five fingered hands...? oh no..), her life as the Tinkerer is still present in her emotions rather than vivid memories and there's certain disconnect from her Three Sparrows on a Wire name. when she makes it back to Fish, scares the living lights out of him and then he calms down, she introduces herself as the Tinkerer. she thinks she was that slugcat that belonged with him before it grew too old and he sent it for a swim. he quizzes her on stuff only Tink should know, she passes and he takes her on (adopts her) as his student again

which is kinda why Orion doesn't really end up thinking to use her name- he doesn't know it. Boreas and Euros do still usually call her Sparrows, but she gets this weird look to her eyes that those who didn't know her then, rather default to "Tinkerer"

[eccentriccryptid]

.

[coridallasmultipass]

I am once again begging online shop payment processing companies to allow me to enter a separate name for shipping and separate name for billing!!

It's the same address, I'm just trans and have not legally changed my personal name, but I still prefer to receive mail as my preferred name! Like it's literally my professional name, I do business as my preferred name.

Annoying as fuck, and I don't want to chance my bank rejecting the payment (though I'm sure someone at my bank has put a note to allow it on my account by now, since I've contacted them a couple times before when I realized too late that the billing section didn't let me input another "address/name" section, and they said the payment was fine in those cases.)

Anyway, legal name changes should be free and non-advertised for everyone. Tbh, you should get a free name change every time you file your taxes on time as an incentive for good citizen behaviour. Once I am elected pres-

[tariah23]

I didn’t know that they were making a movie/doc on Latasha Harlins…… unfortunately, they have a light bright playing her.

[passionfruitmango]

Honestly I think I'd be just fucking fine if my mom at least liked me

[dredshirtroberts]

pardon me while i emotionally process all over everything

Monday's just decided to kick off really hard - it's only the one thing, and it's just stewing in the back of my mind really hard and has been for *checks time stamps* 2.5 hours.

the important thing for me to remember is my dad (and my mom too) is not owed nor does he deserve an explanation for why i cut him and mom off. They truly honestly probably do not understand why I made that choice and frankly i think the fact that that hasn't changed over the past year is telling about how little they truly look at their own actions.

I want to explain but as soon as I put it into words, I can immediately strike myself down with the things that I know they will say. Any attempt at giving any explanation will be met with denial and that's just not a battle I feel like participating in.

I spent my whole life doing the emotional heavy lifting for my family of origin and I got tired of it. I'm struggling with the way my brain is wired because of it on a daily basis. This effects my whole life and my loved ones. And it didn't even do what it was supposed to when i developed the coping mechanisms.

I am really really cognizant of it because we've added a 4th person to our home and I'm scrambling to learn them and their tells and their moods quickly so I can be The Best At Helping in any situation. And I'm running into the wall of "that's not my job and is generally unwelcome unless asked for specifically" and so I am sat here taking in footsteps and movement styles and tones of voice trying to catalog them for future reference and not being able to do anything with that and knowing it's a flawed coping skill to deal with an unstable and volatile home life in my early childhood and I just want more than ANYTHING to be able to backsass and confront my parents about the way they've fucked me up and I can't.

i will type it all out and immediately change my mind - the words aren't correct, they can never be correct because the words don't matter. I could say everything perfectly and it wouldn't make any difference because my parents are dead set on invalidating any stance I make for myself and myself alone.

And also guilt tripping at the end of truly bad news (but like, neutral truly bad news) is not the way to get an explanation. It's a way to make me angry that I cannot begin the proper grieving process ahead of time because you're making a last ditch attempt to dig into me and not let me get away without an answer to the question you do not deserve to have answered. There was no indication they have looked at themselves and seen the way that they treated me was bad enough to cause my brain to splinter into multiple different people just in order to get by. They do not understand how much i wanted to die when I was trying to be a good kid for them. And they can't understand because they didn't pay attention then so me telling them about it now will look like i'm making things up.

They also have in the past given me large sums of money that I didn't have to work for dad to get, but it always came with other - more fraught - strings to deal with. and knowing that they bailed me out makes me feel super guilty for not giving them an explanation but it also really hammers home how much I just cannot say "you treated me badly" because they will throw that money in my face and say "we did everything for you, we deserve your love for the bare minimum of affection!" and money, btw, is not affection but they don't know that and now I have to figure that shit out.

and also we never repaired our relationship after I stopped working for him. I'm pretty sure he took my leaving the company personally - and he should, it was because of him I couldn't work for him anymore - but i know it's been worked around in their minds as my choice for completely unfathomable reasons that they clearly just cannot wrap their heads around because it doesn't make sense. why would i just cut them off, they've been good parents! why would I just leave the company, he was a great boss!

but they weren't, and he wasn't, and I suffered for it and I hid my suffering and because i hid my pain (as i was taught to do from VERY early on because i have been in pain MY WHOLE LIFE) they will never believe i was in it in the first place. because they don't believe me about my physical pains either and never have. why would they care about the mental and emotional pains?

they'd probably also come back with "Everyone's messed up by their parents, you need to just get over it" if I did bring up that their behavior towards me fucked me over. Because that's what they've said in the past - maybe not directly to me but in general.

a lot of my assumptions of their responses are based on what they used to just say. or continue to say. or how they'd say it. or how they'd talk about specific other people who i didn't think were bad people but boy did the way they talk about them make me go "well i guess i can't like that person now" and it isolated me from everyone. I had no way out, I had no escape i had no one but myself.

well and my internet friends but for a very long time I had a hard time remembering those were real fucking people on the other end of the internet connection, because i didn't have anyone else but the computer and those who i had a connection to through said computer.

oh and the reason this all came up?

my grandpa's going into hospice - he was in the hospital all weekend. he's the one with cancer that he stopped treating because the treatments were taking too much of a toll on his body. They had to cut their vacation short to take my grandparents back home and that same day my grandpa went into the hospital - dad made sure to mention the vacation to me, because i guess that's important. Didn't tell me any details on how the hospice thing is going to work (maybe he didn't know, maybe he didn't think that's important for me coordinating how to contact my grandparents to check in but whatever), but it was imperative that i know that their vacation ended early so they could take him home. And it was important to guilt trip me at the end to try and reopen communication with me on the email i deliberately did not give out to them, and they had to circumvent my blocks elsewhere in order to acquire because they didn't ask me for it.

I don't know how many people in my family know I'm not talking to my parents. I don't know how far that information has spread I don't know who leaked my email to them (that's a strong way of phrasing it but it feels about as violating, since i rock up into my inbox today and get jumpscared by my fucking dad's name and his absolutely abysmal choice in subject lines. literally could have said "grandpa update" or something similar. no he just said "Stuff" and then opens with "Hope you're doing well. Grandpa's in the hospital" and like????

he got lucky i opened it because i can see the message preview and knew it had important information. I might have seen it and gone "y'know, I don't care what he has to say about "stuff"" and hit delete and not known.

but like WTF dad. wtf.

go to hell, my dude. go to the absolute eebiest of deebies you cuntwaffle.

and take mom with you.

[danikatze]

hi! just wanted to say as someone who really likes your art (and has been dealing with burnout myself), im glad to hear you're getting some time off soon! I hope you're able to rest as much as you need to and are able to take care of yourself. I know from experience that it really sucks to get to the point in burnout where you're unable to even do art for fun, so im glad it seems like you're able to tackle it before it gets to that point

dunno if I really have a point to this other than, like, solidarity? lmao. its just nice to sees artists taking care of themselves

Oh, thanks so much 🥹 Currently I'm not really able to draw for fun, yeah, which really sucks.. I hasn't been this bad in years. I think trying to print old stuff will be fine though, and hopefully by that time I can draw again as well hahah.

I'm very lucky that the graphic studio I work at is closed the last two weeks of the year. Dunno if I would have taken that time off myself.

Maybe I would have though, because the last two (and a half) months have been kind of crazy. I've had to be present on weekends a lot for teaching workshops and exhibition openings and other events, and while my regular work days tend to be rather quiet, I've been teaching and assisting on those days a lot more than usual as well. And besides that we've had a lot of stress because an important (and expensive and difficult to replace) piece of equipment decided to break just when it was needed most - a lot of things have been going wrong/taking a lot more effort than necessary because of it.

It's been a lot. It's also been fun, but I'm super introverted and I didn't have much alone time that I could use for recharging.

Anyway, thanks again for the kind words, anon 💖You take care of yourself too!

[the-kneesbees]

I've been social all day and I'm gonna have to do it again tomorrow 😭

[zemnarihah]

hm. my dad is now aware that i have slept over at eriks when i visit him.

[one-winged-dreams]

The emotional whiplash is PALPABLE

[stonerzelda]

ik asking for this is just gonna give me bad karma bc be careful what you wish for and also it would just be a Problem in general to be jobless again buuuuut legit i want my work to keep cleaning house and just fire me too. I haven't done anything wrong but I do hope they just let me go bc at least that way nobody can give me shit for quittin another job even though its so ridiculously uncomfortable to be there. Coworkers suck management sucks like if i could just be by myself itd be perfect but ALAS