#NCT 127 Fanfiction

[neopuppy]

I’m Here To Save You (M)

pairing. alpha johnny x female omega reader

genre. traditional a/b/o AU, friends to lovers, mild angst, fluff, pwp, m/f, one shot

warnings. profanity, alpha/omega dynamics, mating ceremony, pack head Alpha Johnny, size difference, use of Alpha voice, dominant but soft Johnny. smut warnings under cut. minors DNI.

wc. 15k

now playing. pied piper//bts

smut warnings. unprotected rough sex, public sex- with audience, biting, breeding, knotting, etc

a/n. I am aware of Johnny’s actual tattoos, in case it needs to be said. my apologies for the floof🫤😑

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･

By now you’d wish to have gotten the hang of climbing up a tree.

Hissing between your teeth as you pick at splinters cutting through your palm, you lean back into a more comfortable position against a large branch just in time to catch a glimpse of the group of Alphas marching out of the village for a hunt. It’d be another week condemned to the stables cleaning horse shit if any of them were to find you this deep in the woods again. 

For the most part you’ve managed to sneak around unnoticed, only catching the attention of a few elders who realized you’d been missing most of the day as you passed by and smiled inconspicuously.

Sometimes you just need to be alone, get away from the pack’s rules and hierarchy, all the duties and mundane tasks implemented. Even if your motive to distance yourself these days has less to do with wanting to be alone and more with needing to get away from a certain somebody that can’t seem to leave you alone.

“You know,” a familiar voice cuts through the trees. Long legs and thick brown hair with golden bits emerging before you can see his face in the light. “The day my father finds you out here this far from the pack, I won’t have any way to protect your ass from the punishment you’ll undoubtedly face.”

“He hasn’t caught me.” You respond, sneering down at your friend arching his neck back with a hand over his eyes to shield the sun and squint up at you. 

“Yet.” He states, snapping his fingers toward you with his free hand. “Get down from there.”

“No.”

“It’s not safe!” He hisses, peering back over his shoulder to ensure the Alphas have made it past the clearing already. “For someone like you to be up there.”

“Someone like me?” You spit, ripping a small tree branch free to hurl at his face. “What the hell is that supposed to mean!”

He sighs, stepping back to dodge your weak attempt to hurt him. “Don’t make me come up there.”

“Go away.”

“No.” Setting his hands on his hips he motions toward the lake with his head. “Let’s go swimming, it’s a nice day and with the Alphas gone it’s pretty empty.”

“Don’t want to.” You sigh, leaning back on the thick part of the tree. 

“Please? I already lied to Jaehyun to get out of hanging out with him today.” Reaching for the satchel laid on his hip, he pulls out a bottle antiseptic. “Bet your hands are really beat from scaling this ancient tree too. Come on, don’t make me beg to hang out with my best friend.”

Jaehyun’s your best friend. You want to snap back at him, huffing and frowning as you pick at a small splinter. 

“The waters perfect right now..” 

“Beg.” You say, peering down with a smile.

He chuckles, head shaking, pressing his hands against the tree. “Yeah? Should I get on my knees and cry? Would that make you come down?”

“Perhaps..”

“I said—“ with gritted teeth he grips onto the trunk of the tree firmly and shakes, adding kicks in-between. “Get down from there!”

“Johnny!” He’s stronger than you’d think from his gangly appearance, at least able to shake your position enough to clutch onto a large branch and curse as more bits of wood cut through your palm. “Stop it!”

“Are you coming down?!”

“Fine! You stupid neanderthal!”

“Nice one.” Catching his breath he moves back enough to grant you space to come down, reaching for your waist once you’re close enough to the ground. “I seriously hate when you sneak off without telling anyone.”

“It’s not a big deal.” You heave out of breath, swatting his hands away. Johnny’s persistent, grabbing a hold of your wrists and spinning you around to face him. 

“‘No.” He mutters, tsking under his breath. “It’s a huge deal. Goddess look at your hands.” A frown takes over his features, kneeling down to empty his bag in search of tweezers. “I only carry these around because of you.”

“I’m fine.” You scoff, ignoring the sting shooting through your hands. “I’ll wash them out in the water.”

“And risk infection?” Standing back up, he grabs onto your wrist again, turning your palm to face him. “Have your mother blame me for allowing you to ruin your delicate soft skin?”

“And who’s to say I need your permission to do anything?” You scowl, attempting to free your hand from his grip that only tightens.

“You know she expects me to look out for you.” Ignoring your petulance, he raises your hand up to carefully dissect a splinter from your middle finger, gentle with each movement to not make this hurt more than it has to. “As future head Alpha I have a reputation to uphold.”

“Yeah yeah yeah.” You snort sarcastically, rolling your eyes to avoid looking at the taller. “Pack Alpha this and that.”

“Right.” Johnny nods, dabbing a cloth drenched with antiseptic after each splinter removal. “This hatred towards Alphas, how exactly will that work and play out after I’ve presented?”

“Won’t matter.” You shrug, foregoing your struggle to allow him to bandage your palm up. 

“And why’s that?”

“My mother’s a Beta, my father’s an Alpha.” You say as if that’s enough of an answer.

Johnny’s gaze raises to yours, biting down on his lip. “Mmm.. right.” 

Squinting back at him, you shove his shoulder, nodding in the direction of the lake. “Let’s go before it gets too late.”

Too late, not referring to sundown but to the real reason you’ve journeyed out to the woods more and more these days. It’s around the corner, ready to rear its ugly head and ruin the one friendship you can always count on. Ruin the genuine care and love that’s formed between the two of you over the years.

“Loser has to clean out the pups dirty diaper can this week!” He shouts, running past you toward the lake.

“Johnny!” You whine, losing your breath to chase after him and grab onto the back of his shirt. “That’s not fair!”

“Hey!” He growls playfully, spinning around to grip around your waist as you tug on his collar and stretch the material out. “Let go!”

“You’re a cheater!” You hiss, aiming for his chest to punch lightly. “Be fair!” 

“Fine.” He laughs, releasing you to drop his satchel and tug his shirt off. “3 laps.” Pointing from one end of the lake to the other he motions between the two of you, knowing you can kick his ass at swimming anyday. “Me and you.”

“Deal.” Shoving down your hoodie and shorts, you barrel into his side and run past him to cannonball onto the water first. “Loser!”

“Hey!” Johnny jumps out of his shorts, pouncing in after you, arms paddling rapidly to race after you. “What’s fair about this!”

“Me winning!” 

You’re out of breath by the time you finish the last lap and bend over belly flat onto the rocks lining the lake. Johnny stops next to you shortly after, resting on his forearms as he mimics your position and swallows down air. 

“Hey, I’m getting better at this.” He says breathlessly, stomach sucking in and out. 

“Only because you’ve had an insane growth spurt..” you mumble, bracing your arms to shove out of the lake and move to the dry patch of grass nearby. 

He takes a few more minutes to bask in the sun, skin glistening with golden rays streaming across his back and shoulders. The hours spent outside during summer really brightened up his complexion, painting his hair with light brassy  streaks. It’s the same every year, as if the sun wants to be around him at all times, melting into his skin and soft brown eyes as he lifts his head and stretches.

“Yeah, dad measured me the other day.” He responds after a while, lifting his long torso to push up and out of the water and plop down by your side. “Grew another two inches..”

“Yeah, I can tell..” you mumble, looking away and rubbing at your arms. 

“So, why don’t we ever talk about it?” He says quietly, picking at shards of grass by his hip. “He thinks I’ll present soon, like.. really soon.”

Instead of opening the door to what a conversation like this can lead to, you shrug and roll your neck back to crack. “Let’s head back before it starts getting dark.”

Johnny lets out a tired sigh, teeth gritted as he stands up and follows after you, grabbing your elbow. “Don’t be like this.”

“Like what?”

He’s silent for a moment, head tilted and analyzing your lack of expression before letting you go. “It could be years until we see eachot—“

“I don’t care, okay? Drop it.”

“How could you not care?!” He asks, eyes wild and bewildered. “Do you not care about me??”

“Of course I care about you!” You shout, tearing your arm away from him. “But this is inevitable, it’s your destiny!”

“And you?” He’s quick to cut you off, stepping closer. “What about you? Are you a part of that destiny? Because right now I really feel like you’re trying to push me away and forget my existence.”

If only it was that easy.

“There’s nothing more to be said Johnny.” 

His gaze lowers seemingly disappointed, softly nodding, biting his bottom lip before a tremble can pass through. “Can I say something?”

No. Please don’t. Don’t make this harder on me than it already is.

“Fine.”

“Take care of yourself, for my sake? And please, stay close to the pack. Try to have some guilt in your conscience that your best friend can’t get a proper night of sleep while worrying about you running into a feral rogue or breaking a leg out there without anyone to find you.”

“Can you tell my friend that I’m not helpless and can very well fend for myself?” You retort, turning and stomping away back to the trail leading toward your pack's land. 

Johnny huffs, shaking his head and gathering the clothes you both discarded, clutching your hoodie for a minute in thought. There’s barely a scent on it, a hint of your mother and father’s lingering, really nothing more than a light memory of the times he’s walked you back to your cabin. If not for the nice weather today he’d chase after you and tackle you down until you cover up, staggering behind instead to stuff your sweater up to his nose.

He shouldn’t, not even allowed to innocently scent you let alone do anything like this. His father would be so disappointed with him, always lecturing him about befriending a girl like you. Very stubborn and unruly, always disobeying the pack Omegas that only want what’s best for you.

But this could be his last chance to savor something from you for some time, because he’d never ask you to scent.. as if you’d ever let him. The smell left behind is barely enough to taste, most of the scent belonging to your Alpha father, smokey and musk. Relaxing against a tree trunk he sighs, clutching the material to his chest solemnly. As stubborn as you may be, he can’t help to think you’re hurting more than you’re willing to show. 

You’d always been resilient toward him, avoiding him even after the first encounter you’d ever had. 

The pack Alphas son that everyone admires and adores, all except you.

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･

“Where’s Johnny?” You ask sheepishly, staggering nearby the head Alphas cabin too chicken to actually knock on the door for an answer. Things hadn’t ended on the best note yesterday, and typically by now your friend would have sought you out, probably dragged you to the canteen for a snack since you slept through breakfast again.

“What do you mean?” Jaehyun snickers, passing by with bags full of manure on his way to the stables. “You didn’t hear?”

“Hear what?” You ask, mildly panicked.

Jaehyun scoffs quietly, glancing around cautiously for head Alphas presence. “He presented.”

“What?!” 

“Shh!” He hisses, grabbing your arm to drag you along with him and out of the pack leaders' close proximity. “How could you not know?! Last night, head Omega had to stay with the elders because Johnny’s rut hit.”

“Rut.. meaning—he’s..”

“Oh come on.” Jaehyun rolls his eyes, flicking your chin.” “You always knew, don’t you remember the first time we met?”

Of course you remember.

When you’re five years old, you get dropped off at the learning center for the first time. It’s not much, depending on the amount of Omegas vs Alphas amongst your pack. No more than 30 pups ranging in elementary age running around screaming.

That’s when you meet Jaehyun of the Jung lineage. He’s the first boy to ever make fun of you. Stuck to share a desk with him based on the proximity of your last names. Jaehyun prods your cheek with the end of his pencil. Asking you why they’re so round, adding a jab by showing off the deep indents on his own. 

He follows you out to the field when the lead Omega instructor dismisses you for break. Skipping along your side boasting about how he’s already begun learning archery. 

“My dads one of the strongest Alphas the pack has!” He gloats. Drawing an arm back to shoot an invisible arrow toward the forest that surrounds your village. “Says I’ll be just like him someday, better even!”

Squinting at him, you nod, lacking the same enthusiasm he has. Opting to search for a toy to occupy your free time, you browse through the crates piled together outside. A yo-yo could be fun, once you untangle the string another pup had evidently left to be discarded.

“Hey!” Jaehyun smacks the toy out of your hold. Pouting like a petulant upset baby. “Are you even listening to me?”

“Why did you do that?” A taller boy interrupts the two of you. Bending down to grab the yo-yo that’s rolled away, hitting the toe of his sneaker. He lifts it up with a bit of inspection, beginning to unravel the string. 

“..oh..Johnny..” Jaehyun stammers. His once bratty tone falling into a hushed one lacking confidence. “I was just messing around.”

Johnny, as Jaehyun calls him, concentrates on straightening out the toys string. Winding it up with ease and gesturing for you to take it once he’s finished.

“Should be all good to use now.” He smiles brightly. Having to lean his neck down as he looks over your lost expression. With the corners of his lips dropping to a pronounced frown, he blares Jaehyun with a cold stare. “Don’t do that again okay? No future strong Alpha of our pack would behave in such a manner.”

Flitting you with a rushed look, he turns away. Meeting up with a few other pups who seemed closer to his age. Jaehyun grumbles at your side, crossing his arms over his chest. His small foot lifting to a stomp for added dramatics.

“Great, now he’s going to snitch on me to the Head Alpha. I wasn’t even doing anything bad!” Jaehyun cries out. Sucking on his bottom lip in thought. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Nodding quietly, you loop the yo-yo’s thread around your index finger. Having to tighten it from where Johnny had left it. 

Jaehyun continues to follow you around, quite talkative for a pup. Too talkative in comparison to you. Directing you to walk in any direction that wouldn’t bring you any closer to the boy that had clearly left him shook up. 

“Do you know him?” You wonder. Glancing to where Johnny spikes a volleyball high above a net setup. The opposition weakened by a powerful collision meeting his chest. 

“Pft, of course!” Jaehyun gawks, fitting you with widened eyes. “That’s Head Alpha’s firstborn son! You can’t be serious right? He’s most likely to lead our pack some day.”

The yo-yo zips up with speed, caught in your grip tightly, mewling over Jaehyun’s explanation. Cheers to your left pull you to catch sight of the pup who had helped you. Hoisted up off his feet by a group of others who cheered from a victorious outcome of whatever game they had been playing.

Johnny was destined to be an Alpha. 

It shouldn’t come as a surprise to hear the news that your best friend finally presented. If anything, you’re disappointed. You’d been too mean yesterday.. really for the last few weeks as if you could sense it coming. 

“Since he’s presented, I’m sure we’ll be going next.” Jaehyun interrupts your inner turmoil, rubbing his chin. “Can feel my Alpha ready to break free any minute now.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Well, typically it’s somewhat of a domino effect. One Alpha presents and suddenly a slew of Omegas appear.. which triggers our Alphas.” He explains as if you’re clueless.

“Not that. I mean, I’m not going anywhere. Except to help in the kitchens along with the rest of the Betas.” You say surely, waving an arm out. “Maybe I’ll end up in the farms, wherever I get assigned to.”

Jaehyun laughs amused, eyebrows raised high. “Sweetie, you’re about as Omega as they come.”

Instead of letting the same comment you’ve heard most of your life get to you, you shrug it off and glance back toward the head Alphas cabin. “Will I get to see him again?”

Jaehyun hums. “Probably in a few weeks, you know.. when they start to separate us.”

Knowing you’d left things in a somewhat awkward place with your friend really dragged your heart through the mud, making your way back to the lake you’d been at just the day before full of regret that you’d been cutting him off and spending less time together. Perhaps deep down inside you knew the feelings you continued to stomp down into nothing consisted of a culmination of fear and anger. Anger because you don’t want to lose him, fear of what the future holds in store for you once you have inevitably presented. Fear that you will end up stuck with the Omegas until adulthood. Anger that you can’t seek Johnny to comfort your worries anymore.

Jaehyun was right, as everyone has always been about you. The domino effect took its toll on the pack, triggering heats and ruts alike until yours hit in the middle of the night and consumed you with the worst pain you’ve ever felt. 

A pain of yearning and insatiable hunger, hunger that had one name written at the back of your tongue, attempting to swallow it down before your Omega could break free and shout his name out. Tears burned down your face as you fisted at your bedding and grinded your hips down, not even the strongest elixir of ancient herbs could quell your lust for the Alpha.

Johnny Johnny Johnny..

His name swirled through your mind, each memory and touch you ever shared, his hold on your waist and shoulders, the difference in size between you just this last year.

“Alpha..”

With 20 pack members presenting the council decided it’s time to move you onto your next step. 

You pleaded and cried in your mother’s arms begging for her to do something to stop this, to let you stay with her somehow, someway. Realistically no amount of tears could stop the assimilation you all must face. 

“It will be over before you know it my love.” She said sweetly, braiding your hair the night before you’re to move to the Omega quarters. 

Won’t be over soon enough, you think, keeping your thoughts to yourself the more your eyes puff up. Sleep would be hard to come by tonight, knowing tomorrow changes everything. The days of being a young careless pup with lack of responsibility change now, cursed by your damn Omegan genetic chemistry. Because whether you accepted it or not, the chances of a Beta mating anything other than a Beta rarely ever led to the same sub-gender offspring. Even your mother always hinted and skirted around the idea of you presenting as an Omega, never an Alpha with your delicate soft nature, no matter how hard headed you may be.

“At least you will get to see your friends once more tomorrow.” She said as she tucked you in and kisses your forehead. “I’m sure they’re eager to congratulate you on presenting.”

Friends.

The only friend she’s ever even seen you with being the pack Alphas son. She knew very well how odd your relationship is, being that you don’t even come from one of the stronger lineages. Perhaps her prayers to the moon goddess to grant her daughter a prosperous future had been answered. Time would tell..

Sunlight entered your room right as your eyes were ready to fall shut after failed attempts of counting sheep to shut your mind off. Nothing could stop your incessant fear from escalating knowing what a new day would bring.

“We don’t want to be late, princess. It’s time.” Your father chirped happily from your bedroom door, gathering the bag you’d be taking with you later today.

No, of course you wouldn’t want to be late to the induction ceremony. Even with a stomach full of nerves as you made your way to the divided trails leading to sectioned off lands for Alphas and Omegas you tried to calm yourself, take deep breaths, fiddle with your hands until you had no choice but to ball them up in tight fists.

“My baby’s grown so much.” Your mother cuts the unbearable loud silence pounding in your head, smoothing loose tendrils away from your face. “You’ll surely make us proud in there, receive many merits and accolades from the elder Omegas.”

“I’ll do my best.” You say solemnly, leaning your cheek into her palm one last time. “I’ll miss you both so much.”

“Soon soon, angel. Everything will go by so fast, you’ll be back in no time.”

The ceremony to send you off lasted no longer than a few minutes after all goodbyes were said, staggering behind before making your way to catch up with the rest of the newly presented Omegas. You slowly turn to look over your shoulder, breath lodged in your throat when you find his gaze already on you. 

“Johnny?” You mouth hopefully. He stands straight, stepping to the side of his group until you’re close enough to take in how much more he’s filled out in mere days. The once gangly long limbs now protrude with muscle, shoulders grown in width, and jawline sharpened with definition as baby fat disappears.  

“Johnny.” You whisper, reaching a hand out for your best friend, now Alpha, to take a hold of. He visibly swallows, a tormented expression streaking across his face as he looks you over.

“I can’t.” He whispers back, blinking furiously. Tugging the straps of his bag on his shoulders tighter. “I can’t..”

He nods swiftly, turning his face away from you with a stiff twist of his neck to keep himself staring ahead. Pain scorches up your gut, burning the pathway leading to your heart as your hand falls limp by your hip and you sniffle back the onslaught of tears already rushing to the backs of your eyes. 

“I’m sorry.” He barely whispers before turning down the opposite path, leaving you with the last memory you’d hold onto for the next 5 years to come.

One last look caught yours before disappearing behind the fence meant to keep new Alpha and Omega apart.

Time. Only more time can make any difference now.

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･

“I can’t wait until we integrate with the rest of the pack.”

“I can.” You say quietly, keeping your head low to not draw the attention of the lead Omegas walking around observing how well you’ve all begun to take on your roles. “I don’t dream of being mated.”

“Ah, well.” Minnie, the bubbly Omega you’ve come to know in your last year by no choice of your own smiles softly, tilting her head dreamily. “I can’t wait to be with my first pup, and finally know my mate. It’s all I can think about.”

Of course it is, you want to say, lowly humming and continuing to brush out the furs dropped off today. They carried all types of scents from the elders, council members, even faint traces of betas. Alpha furs are only to remain within the village grounds, nowhere near unmated Omegas. 

“You really have no desire to mate?” Minnie continues to pester you, smile turning mischievous. “I bet I can change your mind.”

She seems more than up to no good judging by the way her lips tweak to one side before bouncing up onto the balls of her feet, pointing this and that way while hurriedly explaining something to one of the elder Omegas.

“Fine fine Minnie, take that one with you and be back on time to help in the kitchen.” She motions your way, cutting off the younger Omega before she talks her ear off.

She skips on her way back to you, bundling up a few of the furs you’ve been cleaning. “Told her we need to deep clean these to get the smell out.” 

“They don’t sme—“

“Shh!” She rushes, grabbing a hold of your arm to hoist you up and drag you away from the group of Omegas working hard to brush out knots and stains. “You have to be quiet about this okay? I’ll get into so much trouble if the word about this gets back to the council.”

“What are you going on about?!” You grit, failing to shake her arms off. Leaving you with no choice but to follow along as she leads you past the riverbank. 

“I’m telling you, there’s something special a few of the Omegas showed me a while ago.” She says excitedly, teeth on full display as she peers over her shoulder to ensure no one’s nearby. “Over here, these fences behind the leaders cabin.”

“We’re not supposed to go this far..” you say hesitantly, digging your heels into the dirt path to slow her down.

“It’s not prohibited.. but they haven’t renovated these parts in decades..” she explains, using extra strength to make you turn down the short hill that covers most of the fence. “They really should too.”

“Why? Doesn’t it just lead to the village?”

“Well, no..” he trails off, biting down on her lip deviously. “You have to promise not to say anything, alright?”

Sighing, you shrug and wrap around her pinky, unsure of what could possibly be so secretive about this area. She nods, pressing a finger to her lips as you step up to the area covered by old tree branches. “Don’t be loud.”

Releasing your arm, she reaches to move a few branches aside and motions for you to come closer. There behind the mess of greenery are two holes on the old tall wooden fence. You stop for a moment to glance back at her, nodding with her lips pursed for you to look through.

Nothing could have prepared you for what actually resides on the other side of the fence. More water that you didn’t know existed, the rest of the river that’s been cut off by this man-made fence constructed decades ago when the pack struggled to keep Alphas and Omegas consistently equal in numbers. The council decided it best to separate freshly presented pups into individual camps until they experienced their first heat or rut. Segregating the two sub-genders to manage future matings with annual runs. Their plan had been successful after balancing the scale, allowing for their pack to grow healthy and plentiful.

It’s been years since you’ve last seen an Alpha.. until now.

“Is..” you stutter, blinking rapidly. “Is that..”

“The Alphas.” She whispers near your ear, lightly tapping a fingertip against the fence. “They swim and clean off at this stream after their hunts, seems to be only the ones that are soon on their way out of the camp..”

Alphas, playfully shooting water at each other, laughing and rough housing after a morning hunt. They have baskets full of fish lined up near their weapons on the path, a few of them deeper in the water scrubbing their arms and chest clean with cloths. 

“Our future mates could be here right now.” She beams, pushing her cheek against yours to steal a look. “Oh Goddess, it’s him..” 

“Who?”

“Head Alphas son..” she murmurs off, eyes going lazy as she rests against your head for you to both get a look

Head Alphas son? But that would be..

How could you have not immediately noticed him, trudging out from the shallow end of the stream glistening under the daylight sun, shaking off the water cascading from his broad frame the closer he reaches toward the end.

It’s him, it has to be him. 10 inches taller than you remember, hair longer and framed around his much sharper and pronounced bone structure. The baby fat on his cheeks long gone, body built up from years of hunting. The pressure of having to be the strongest and most reputable Alpha evident in his intimidating stance alone.

“Johnny.” The name passes from your lips without realizing, widening Minnie’s eyes as she turns to look at you.

“You know him?”

Know him? He was the last member of your pack that you had contact with before joining the rest of the newly presented Omegas. Even sharing goodbyes with your own family before him. You knew he’d be an Alpha eventually, but you’d never considered how painful it would be to lose your best friend to the otherside. 

The reality always loomed though. The pack Alphas first born son could never present as a Beta, Goddess forbid as an Omega. 

“No.” You reply, clearing your throat and tearing your gaze away. “We shouldn’t be here, it’s against pack law to be in contact with Alphas while unmated.”

“We aren’t contacting them, not really..” she smirks coyly, trapping your arm once more. “Just a little longer? They’ll be on their way eat soon.”

You shouldn’t, should stand your ground and put your foot down against this condemnable behavior.

But one more look can’t hurt much.

One more look just to be certain that it’s him, that it’s really your Johnny.

He’s changed so so much, nearly unrecognizable if you weren’t sure of his residency on the other side of this fence. 

“He’s incredibly handsome, don’t you think?” Minnie disrupts the one on one conversation happening with yourself, looping an arm around your waist to bring you both closer to the holes. “Can you believe we’ll be in the same mating hunt as our next head Alpha?”

“What??” You practically shriek, covering your mouth and pulling away. 

She looks at you half amused, in awe of your clueless nature. “It’s been five years silly, the elders have been discussing lowering our time inside these lands to ensure a strong Winter. The moon goddess predicts we will need many healthy pups due to the severity of climate change that’s recently taken place.”

“How do you know all of this?!”

She sighs, wagging a finger in your face. “You never pay attention during the morning lecture. They say we could be out of here as soon as the next red moon! That’s only a few weeks from now.”

A few WEEKS?! 

“Judging by the look of these Alphas..” she hums flirtatiously, turning back to peep through the fence and suck a long breath in. “They’re certainly ready to hunt, and I’m ready to be chased.”

“The mating hunt, is it guaranteed that all who participate will be mated?” You ask full of worry, dragging fingers through your hair. 

“Of course, that’s the point of all this!” She says, clicking her tongue. “If I didn’t know any better I’d swear you were born yesterday.”

Stealing one more look, she sighs and bites her lip excitedly. “I’m so ready to be out of here.” Turning back to you she grabs your arm. “Let's get back before the elders catch on to us missing. Besides, we’ll be with our Alphas in no time.”

In no time. Too soon. 

And as if to mock your worry the days tick by faster and faster, now very alert during your usual extra nap time in the morning. You listen to every word, biting at your nails by the third week as the elders rejoice that the forecast had been correct and the blood red moon will indeed rise in the next few days. 

“Soon you will birth strong and powerful members to contribute to the pack.” They preached and flounced about full of excite. “Tomorrow we will introduce you back to the pack to prepare for the hunt. Not a hair or patch of dry skin shall appear on you! You must impress your potential Alpha suitors to desire and want to chase you.”

More thrilled than you could ever be about this, they began to distribute scent blockers around the hall. Instructing you all begin using them tonight to ensure no Alpha can trail you off scent. It has to be instinct and intuition to find your true mate.

Once you have presented, every pack Omega is expected to participate in the annual mating ceremony. Ensuring the packs healthy growth to avoid a desolate village.

Your biggest dread of presenting as an Omega subsided as you met your predator's gaze. Stalking around you with snapping teeth and no escape. 

There was no way to predict the Alpha determined to mate you would end up being your best friend.

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･

“I can’t do this.” You whisper, sneaking a watery look at your mother. The reunion with your parents had been too fast, not enough time to plead your case and beg for them to find you another option. She smiles stiffly at you, securing the braids she put your hair in with ribbons.

“Sweety..” she says between clenched teeth, blinking furiously. “Do not embarrass us. It’s an honor that you’ve been summoned to participate in the mating hunt.”

An honor? Giving up your freedom and shred of independence you can barely cling onto for an Alpha? An Alpha that will breed and claim you like nothing more than a whore?

“What’s honorable about this, mother?”

She sighs, painting your cheeks with thin stripes of oil to illuminate your skin and make you more desirable for your possible mate. “I only wish I’d been given the chance you have to strengthen the pack. Omegas are the backbone of our livelihood, without you we’d go extinct faster than animals.”

Popping her mouth for you to mimic she applies a smudge of red tint to your lips, standing proudly after to take in your full appearance. “Without a scent to trail, the Alphas will really have to focus on using their other senses.. and you look ethereal. Always knew you’d grow up to be one of the prettiest in our pack, even if I worried about all those scars you’d come home with all the time.”

“What if I refuse?” You ask wearily, glancing around at the other Omegas being prepped for the hunt.

“You’ll be exiled.” Your mom says sternly, tight lipped as she grips your shoulders to look at her. “Think about your father and I, please. We barely got you back.”

A mixture of guilt and rancid vomit combines in your stomach the longer you stand around and wait for the Alphas to show up. The elders have been greeting each other, smugly smiling as if they’ve accomplished something by forcing young Omegas to hand over their lives and become breeding machines. They gather around and announce the next generation of Alphas to lead the pack. You can’t see their entrance from where you stay hidden with the rest of the Omegas participating, not allowed to see any of your potential mates. Only able to swallow down the throw up that rises up your throat as cheers and roars pound through the earth beneath your feet. Alphas praised for merely existing, for being the breadwinners of the pack that ensure longevity and protection. 

Omegas are the real backbone, as your mother said, whether she meant it or simply wanted to shut you up and finish dolling you for essentially a stranger to ship off with. 

“This is so thrilling.” Minnie pops up next to you, her lips a deep cherry, cheeks stung with the residue to make her skin glow. She looks radiant, lovely as ever, so ready to show off a bite on her beautiful long neck. “I want to be caught already.”

Nothing could compel you to agree, silently nodding to resist the incessant urge to gag. Judging by the giggles and squeals surrounding you, no one seems to share your sentiment. Why would they after years of being brainwashed to want this.

She takes your hand, squeezing and bouncing on the balls of her feet. “May the moon goddess bring you the best Alpha.”

“You too, Min..”

A whistle blows signaling you to line up and ready yourselves to run, everyone scrambles around excitedly, leaving you at the forefront as the elders explain the ‘rules’ again.

“You are not to ever remove your scent blockers, you are to hide once the Alphas begin their hunt. You are forbidden to leave the pack lands, and if you are not claimed you shall immediately report back to the Omega sector until the next red moon. Claimed Omegas are to come back with their Alpha mated. Only once paired off may you re-enter the pack.”

It’s due or die, whether or not you avoid an Alphas claim you’ll never be free from this restrictive life..

The second the horn sets off you run, feet pounding to the earth without a second thought. Heavy breathing and laughter fades away behind you, distancing yourself further and further away from where most of the Omegas will choose to hide, you imagine. The same trees you used to wander through catch your attention out ahead, furiously quickening your pace at the sound of another horn signaling that the Alphas are on the move.

The same forest you spent days hiding inside of is just right outside of your lands, against the rules, but you need to wait it out long enough. Once enough time has passed and the Alphas make their claims you can move back to your packs territory. No one has to know.

Not even the splinters clawing through the skin of your palms can slow you down, hoisting yourself up the largest tree you can find until you manage to get up high and let out a sigh of relief. The pounding in your heart refuses to settle even so, hissing as you wipe your hands off on your tunic and try to adjust your weight onto a thick branch. Even at this proximity you can hear howls and cries, sounds of pleasure ripping through the tears as Omegas go down, claimed and gnawed at by rabid Alphas. 

Time goes by slowly as you sit still and listen, sucking at your wounded hands to ease the sting left behind. It’s nothing compared to the mix of pain swarming between moans. Deep guttural Alpha wails break through the dusk, shifting and breaking bones as they take their conquests and solidify their claim with a knot.

Only a few more hours until it dies down, you hope.. peering up at the clouds that dance around the red moon. Orange light sprays across the ground, illuminating clear paths for predator eyes to seek their prey. They’d never be able to find you up here, unless..

A loud huff snaps your neck toward the entrance of the forest, cracking tree branches and kicking rocks as the sound grows near.

Large, terrifyingly large, medium brown soft with light hints of gold, and eyes you’d recognize even if you suffered from amnesia. Those sharp sleek eyes that you’d never be able to forget no matter how much you try. Why would he come out here? Why did he have to come out here.

There’s only one reason. Snarling and puffing large breaths of air as he slowly paws through and approaches the largest tree, listening attentively for any movement. Sitting back on his hind legs, his gaze lands on you without sparing a second, squinting past the leaves you’ve shrouded yourself with. He barks, baring his teeth as trickles of saliva drip down his jowls.

Get down from there.

“Go away!” You hiss, grabbing onto a tree branch firmly as he nears and clambers up, scratching his claws along the trunk.

It’s been years and you still insist on giving me the biggest headache.

“I said go away Johnny!” 

Get down. Immediately. Don’t make me climb up there.

“I’m not coming down! Now get away before another Alpha follows your trail and figures out that I’m hiding out here.” You grunt, fearfully looking out as another large wolf approaches.

You need to come down. Right now.

“You’re leading him right to me.” You whine, moving up another branch to hide yourself from the Alpha passing between the trees.

Johnny’s teeth snap, biting at the air as an Alpha with dark fur growls at him, leaping up on his hind legs he stands tall above him, shouting at the new presence to get lost.

This one's mine.

The dark furred Alpha hesitates for a bit, egging the lighter to get his nose in his face, snout digging into the others until he whimpers and backs away, slowly making his exit from the woods.

An enormous sense of relief lightens the tension weighing down your shoulders, leaning back on the tree until a sudden huge ruckus shoots you to sit up urgently. 

The Alpha down below backs up and rams into the trunk repeatedly, growling and smashing his dome forward until you’re shouting.

“Johnny! Stop! Stop!” 

GET DOWN. RIGHT NOW!

His Alpha sounds vicious, ripping through your mind, causing your Omega to cower and frightfully shiver. Biting down on your lip to contain a whimper, you nod and gingerly set your foot down to make your way down the tree. 

“Please, don’t tell head Alpha about this.. he’ll have me condemned..” you plead, keeping your gaze to the floor to not have to look your old friend in the eye. Shame, embarrassment and fear runs rampant throughout your system, lighting goosebumps up your flesh. 

No one is touching my mate.

“What?!” You nearly lunge back, falling down onto your ass as you crawl away without taking your eyes off of him. “Johnny! It’s me! You’re mistaken—“

Quiet. Omega. 

Slowly trudging closer to you, he stops to sit. Stance big and strong towering above you.

Present.

“Johnny, I can’t do tha—“ 

The growl he lets out cracks a whimper from your throat, rustling the leaves throughout each surrounding tree, echoing loud enough for even birds to flock away out of fear.

“You don’t want this, not with me, remember me?” It seems futile to attempt conversation with an Alpha in wolf form, feeling defenseless and defeated as your back knocks against a rock and the Alpha leaves you with nowhere to run. 

Present for your Alpha. I won’t ask again.

“I-I can’t, don’t ask that of me.” Bile rises up your chest, digging your fingers through clumps of dirt as the large wolf nuzzles your face and takes a deep inhale. “This is a mistake, has to be a mistake..”

Lights blind your vision, collapsing on the ground when his scent slams into you. A husk leather oud infiltrates your senses, strong and rich, immediately swirling between each crevice until your chest caves. The Alphas scent is the strongest you’ve ever felt, dominant, enrapturing, near drug-inducing. The scent of a powerful Alpha, more powerful than you’ve ever experienced. Too much for your secluded body and mind to handle atop of the raging fear beating from your chest.

The Alpha nudges your limp figure a few times, softly huffing and licking up your cheek. There’s no point in waiting it out, already gone for hours since the hunt began, he shifts back and hoists your lifeless body onto his arms, carrying you out of the woods with ease. The walk back to your lands can take about another hour, knowing his father will undoubtedly be waiting for his return with a proud smile as his son triumphantly strides back through with his future head Omega intact.

Exactly as he imagined it, his father stands tall and full of pride, the smile on his lips slowly sinking as he sees no sign of a mating mark. Confusion flows between the two Alphas as he comes to a stop and adjusts your limp weight in his arms. 

“What is this son? Have you not mated?” He asks sternly, leaning in closer to inspect your naked throat.

“The Omega, she fainted before I could consummate..”

“Ah, I see. Drop her off at the infirmary and continue on your way back out. Many Alphas have already returned with their claimed mates. You need to be swift and hurry now.”

“This is my mate, father.” Johnny states loud and clear, cradling you closer to his chest. “She is the one my wolf has chosen.”

Clarity evades the head alphas features, scowling as he steps forward to whisper. “You dare to bring disgrace upon my name with this unmated weak Omega? What have I taught you?”

“No father, I do not wish to bring shame upon our lineage.”

The head Alpha snaps his fingers, ushering his main henchmen to cover up their surroundings. “Get the Omega back to your cabin. Do not bring her back without your markings.” He orders, rushing two of the elders to cut around the village to his son’s cabin. “I will not have you humiliate my name with your choice.”

Johnny nods without protest, following along with the elders that obscure your bodies behind veiled cloaks. At least in his cabin he can help you get proper rest and keep an eye on you. 

“Get her inside.” One of the elders says in a hushed voice, covering the entrance to his cabin. “Listen to me my boy, if that Omega exits your sights without a mark, I don’t want to jump to conclusions of what your father may pull, but it won’t be pleasant.”

He nods assuredly, thanking the older Alpha for helping him before leading you to his furs to lay upon. At least this way you can become accustomed to his scent, enough to keep you stable even if it overwhelms you. He should have anticipated that you’d be difficult to deal with even now after all of this time apart. You’ve grown a lot, as has he, but clearly your disdain towards Alphas hasn’t changed much.

He wonders for a moment if he should have just walked away when Jaehyun showed up with intent to mate you. The thought alone makes his Alpha scream at the top of its lungs, clenching his fist and shaking his head to calm the rage building inside of him.

Anyone else mating you has never been an option, because Johnny always knew it had to be him. He always knew that it had to be you. 

‘That sweaters a bit tight for you, don’t you think?’ His friend jeered, poking at the faded cotton material stretched over his much larger body.

Johnny ignored him, waving Jaehyun off before heading to the river to wash off, making a stop by the bathrooms nearby first. He’s kept your oversized sweater stuffed at the very bottom of his bag as he marched into the newly presented Alpha sector of your packs lands, heart beating from his chest as he stole one last look back and found your gaze peering over your shoulder practically begging to be saved.

He’d dreamt about it for years, what your scent would smell of, how you’d grow to be the most beautiful Omega, strong and regal by his side. Perfect to lead a pack by him in time. 

In time you will see, even if you don’t have much left to spare.

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･

Air thick as molasses glides down your tongue, struggling to swallow as you sit up and break out into a fit of coughs. Everything’s too warm, incinerating you from inside out with each breath you take in. Grasping around yourself you find a wall behind you, choking on your next breath right as the Alpha enters and rushes over to you.

“Here, drink this.” He sits down fast, raising a cup of cooled tea to your lips, tipping it for you to drink from. The sensation of calming herbs flows through your chest, filling your senses from nose to taste, opening up your air passages to breath with ease. “Drink all of it.”

“What is that??” You cough, wiping at your lips and pushing the mug away.

“You fainted, healer Ryu said it can happen when Omegas aren’t accustomed to the scent of Alpha..” tilting his head to the side, he taps at a scent blocker stuck to his neck. “This should help, you’re in my cabin thought, my scent is pretty much everywhere..”

“What am I doing here?” You try to say clearly, choking on the spit lining your throat that's thickened up. “W-why did you bring me here?”

Johnny’s gaze darkens, dragging down your even toned neck, the expanse of your smooth delicate shoulders and your bare arms. “Because.” He stiffens, glaring at your throat. “I want you to be awake when I mate you.”

“Mate me?!?” Shooting up straight, you clutch the furs on top of your body tightly, half questioning if he undressed you to get you under here in the first place..

Sitting up, he nods and reaches to move your hair back causing you to flinch as his knuckles drag down your cheek. “Do you not remember me?”

He seems hesitant to ask, lips tugged down at the sides, grazing past your scent gland still masked by blockers. 

“Of course I remember you!” Glowering, you grab his wrist and dig your fingernails in. “Now answer me! What am I doing here?!”

The sensation of your stubby nails clawing at his flesh has no effect, shrugging you away as he comes to stand and paces in front of the bed you sit on. “Did you hit your pretty little head falling down from one of those trees while trying to hide?” He asks in a snarky manner, placing hands on his hips to widen his size. “How many times are you expecting me to repeat myself?”

“You know I never fall.”

Johnny rights himself, standing tall above you. “And I know where you’d go to hide from a gang of Alphas seeking their prey.”

“You cheated.” 

“I found you fairly, just in time too. Jaehyun was trailing my ass knowing I’d be looking for you. You’re lucky he knows better than to go up against me.”

Jaehyun. The other Alpha that Johnny had scared away.

“It’s not fair.. you left our territory—“

“And you should be grateful that I did.” He lunges toward you, slamming his fists down on the bed. “If anyone else had found you breaking the rules like that I’d never be able to save your ass.”

“I don’t need to be saved, especially not thanks to an Alpha.” You spit, cowering back against a wall.

“Watch your tongue little one. We aren’t pups anymore.”

Hard knocks shake through the cabin, pursuing your lips together to stop an insult from dicing its way through the Alphas flesh. Moving away, he peers back over his shoulder, motioning your way. “Don’t move, Omega.”

He disappears behind the door shutting, springing to your feet to scamper your way over when you hear deep voices murmur through.

“Have you done it?” You can recognize head Alphas domineering tone, judging from the way Johnny replies alone. He sounds immature, young and still innocent but still respectful.

“Not yet father.” He’s quiet, probably keeping his head down, too much shame to look his dad in the eye.

“I never expected this from you son.” Head Alpha sounds disappointed, drawing out a long sigh. “All of this over some Omega.”

“She’s more than that.”

“I do not care.” Shutting down his son quickly, head Alpha takes heavy steps, most likely pushing his chest out to instill intimidation. 

“If you do not mate her by the end of today, I have no choice son. I will not allow your obsession with this inadequate Omega to tarnish the reputation I have helped you build. No one wants to follow orders from an Alpha that cannot even control his Omega. You will do what I see fit or I shall summon the council to order a public mating.” Head Alpha spits each word out like shards of glass, gashing through even your flesh from where you listen through the door. The thought of Johnny on the other side trying to keep up a strong facade pings through your chest, willing it away with your arms tightening around yourself.

He must be stoic, emotionless to his father’s rage, because he doesn’t reply, nothing but the sound of footsteps follow for the next few minutes. 

Stepping back inside abruptly, he catches you off guard, leaping away from the door and rushing to hide your tear-filled eyes. “I had a feeling you wouldn’t stay in place.”

“You know me.” You mutter sarcastically, lips tugging down at the sides. “Public mating?”

Johnny sighs, starting to pace and run his hands through his long locks. “I assume you heard everything.”

“What was head Alpha talking about? Is he going to have me exiled?”

He scoffs, glaring at you from the corner of his eye. “As if I’d ever allow that.”

“You’d have to, you can’t go against your father.”

“I can’t?” Lifting a defined eyebrow at you, he steps forward to get in your face, neck craning lower. “What do you not understand? You are my mate. I would go against anyone for you, even my own damn blood.”

“I don’t understand, okay?!” You shout, frustrated, taking a step back nervously. 

“I’ve always known.” Johnny cuts you off, following you with long strides until your back meets a wall. “You have too.”

“No.. Johnny..” 

“Alpha.”

“No!” Lifting your hands, you press flat against his chest to put distance between your bodies. Useless as he doesn’t so much as budge, reaching for your waist as he bends in closer until his lips hover an inch away from yours.

“This stubborn act was endearing when we were kids, you know.” He laments, laughing under his breath. “It was cute and I may do whatever it takes to make you mine, but you will respect me as your mate.”

His tone lowers, near a rumble that has your Omega howling in pain, every signal warning for you to behave. “You’re not my mate.”

He snaps fast, growling deep in his chest, palms slamming down on the wall behind your head. “Do not disobey me.”

The Alphas voice cuts deep, rolling tremors down your limbs until your knees give and buckle, dropping your face between his chest as a pathetic whimper springs from your lips. You crumble at the fury, the Omega inside of you curling up into a ball in shame. How could you anger our mate enough to make him use his Alpha voice? It’s your fault, unleashing an onslaught of pain throughout your body the more you cower against him.

An exhausted sigh blows across the side of your face, standing up straight with arms wrapped around your waist he holds you close, nose dropping to your hair to take in a long inhale. “I shouldn’t have. I don’t know what overcame me just now..”

“I hate you.” You cry between chattering teeth, weakly hitting his chest. “How could you do that to me?”

“No you don’t.” Johnny’s eyes fall shut, dragging his nose against your crown. “I need you to listen to me. I’m sorry. I’m frustrated and stressed over what my father said..”

Sniffling, you ease against him, looping an arm around his waist to regain your balance, and maybe comfort the emotionally wounded Omega whimpering inside of you to fix this. “Public mating?”

“Yes..” he hesitates for a minute, rubbing a soothing large hand up and down your back before pulling away to cup your face.”If the council agrees, I will be summoned to claim you before the pack Alphas..”

“What??”

Pursing his lips, he looks away, forehead wrinkling. “As their next head Alpha, I cannot risk dishonoring tradition..”

“What’s traditional about this?!” You speak up, pushing away again only to be kept in place by strong built arms. 

“It’s not up to me anymore.”

“Then let me leave!” Hissing, you strike a balled up fist against his chest, lip trembling to contain your tears. “Johnny, please!”

“I can’t.” He says firmly, taking a hold of your shoulders to keep you still against the wall. “Tomorrow I will mate you, and if you try to run, I will never stop chasing after you.”

Silence falls between the two of you as he keeps you stuck in place with a look full of hunger. Eyes dancing between desire and passion. It’s enough to bite your tongue and hold back the whiplash of words your mind fights against your heart to shout at him. 

“There’s no other way?” You ask brokenly, throat exhausted as if your Omega used your vocal chords to scream her murderous tears. 

Shaking his head slowly, he leans in and plants a gentle kiss on your forehead. “There is no other way.”

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･

There is no other way.

Because this is the only way to prove to the pack that you belong to Johnny. That the Alpha has truly thoroughly fucked and claimed you, that no one will ever question his position to lead this pack.

The council wastes no time on discourse, immediately proclaiming that a mating ritual shall take place today, and that the Omega set to be the next head by pack Alphas side will have a mark on her neck by the end of this day.

“Here I thought the hunt would be the highest honor, you’re lucky the council has been lenient enough to allow this.” Your mother’s fixing up your face once again, unable to remove the giant dumb smile from her face as she moves to brush your hair. “Ah, the moon goddess truly heard my wishes. Head Alphas son of all Alphas! What a blessing.”

Every single member of the pack seemed to question how and why you were chosen. Walking through the village to your parents cabin drew more attention to you than you’d ever experienced. Whispers floated through the air, backing the rumors that you couldn’t even handle the next head Alpha, that you’d passed out before he’d even had the chance to mate you.

‘Doesn’t make any sense why he’d even bother with her after that.’

‘Heard one of the Alphas over breakfast mention that they were close as pups. Head Alphas son probably imprinted on her years ago, none of us ever stood a chance against that type of bond.’

‘Seems unfair if you ask me, she’s not even grateful.’

They spoke so foul of you without knowing anything about you. To even dare question the innocent relationship you once had with Johnny. The friendship that you cherished and would sell your soul to have back. Everything’s different now, he’s different.

“I’m already dreaming of the pups you’ll have.” Your mother sighs happily, fluffing your hair to frame your face. “Johnny’s so handsome and strong, with his genes you will birth only strong pups.”

Pups.

Birth.

With Johnny.

Fear heightens in your stomach similar to a ticking time bomb, sensing your imminent doom as the elders come to escort you to the Alphas sector where the ritual will take place. They wear pleased smiles, cheerful as they drag you along and bring you to what can only come straight out of nightmares.

Alphas stagger around, eyeing you curiously as you’re brought to stand in the middle where a large lifted platform covered with cushions and furs has been set up. It’s worse than the hunt, multiple predatory eyes burn into your skin, gathering closer to get a good look at the flimsy garment doing a poor job of hiding your ample curves. Growls and grunts fly around you, trapping you with nowhere to go as they circle around and barricade you, shortening your breath the more imprisoned you begin to feel.

“J-Johnny?” You ask hesitantly, gaze stuck to your feet, too anxious at the thought of meeting eyes with any of the unknown Alphas around.

“I’m here.” A soft tone ripples up your spine, standing straight and pulling your shoulders back as he takes a hold of your elbow and turns you to face him. “Look at me.”

Slowly lifting your head up you see him, warm eyes and a soft smile intended to comfort you. He stands before you, moving in closer to wrap around your waist. “You’re nervous.”

Sniffling, you nod, embarrassed that every Alpha in the pack you’re meant to lead side by side with the one currently holding you tight will see you defiled for the very first time in mere minutes. “It’s just you and me right now, got that? Don’t even think about anything else. No one else exists, only us.” 

As much as you wish to believe that to be true, your ears can’t tune out the whistles and jeers coming from every side, biting on your lip and shaking your head, you reach for the Alphas shoulders to hide your face in his chest. “Can’t.. they’re everywhere.”

“I said look at me Omega.” He speaks more sternly, not moving to force you, but waiting for your head to raise and return to his still lovingly warm gaze. “You will not take your eyes off of me, do you hear me? You’re mine, you are only to look at me.”

Without using his Alpha voice he still manages to make your chest tighten, stomach churning anxiously as you nod slowly and he bends closer until your foreheads are pressed together. “I’ve been waiting for this.”

A part of you wants to scream, consider running only to be tackled down by a militia of powerful Alphas, but the other part of you swoons, reminded of the days you craved nothing more than to be by Johnny’s side and ripped your own heart to pieces once you realized the inevitable fate you’d been dealt.

“…for how long, Alpha?” You ask, barely above a whisper, fluttering his eyes in surprise.

“Forever.” He whispers, nose brushing against yours. “I’d wait an eternity for you.”

“You’ll take care of me Alpha?” You question cautiously, lips barely grazing his plump pout. “Make me yours to protect?”

“Always have.” Johnny states, licking your upper lip with closed eyes. He blinks slowly, reaching to cup your cheeks and dip his mouth to yours. “And I always will.”

It may not be ideal nor how you ever allowed yourself to imagine, but as the Alphas lips meld to yours, the tension weighing on your back dissipates. Easing into his dominant touch, you fall into the kiss easily. Every worry and silent wishful hope lets out a sigh of relief throughout your body, dragging your arms up higher to cling around his neck and deepen the kiss.

This time your lips planted together unlocks what you never knew you needed. The Omega inside of you quells instantaneously, rolling around with what can only he a giant smile now that your Alpha finally seems satisfied. The two of you rejoice, drawing him in deeper to grant your tongue access inside the delicious cavern of his mouth. If only a kiss can ignite this much in you, you can only shake as you imagine what more your conjoined bodies can release.

“I’ve got you baby.” Johnny says softly against your lips, for your ears only. “No one else exists.” He repeats, calming the tremble rolling up and down your spine with tender pets. “Your first time?”

You nod, skin flushed with goosebumps as your nerves skyrocket and missile launch to the sky erupting each and every worry you’ve ever had. The Alphas never had to be concerned with any inexperience. Always taken care of with various concubines in preparation for the day they’d have to race for a mate. Johnny knew exactly what to do with you, how to use your body and pleasure himself, only heightening your anxiety.

“You trust me don’t you?” He continues to whisper, brushing against your now swollen lips. “Trust that your Alpha will make you feel good, you’ll always reach your pleasure first with me.”

“Can I trust you Alpha?” You ask for further affirmation, sliding your hands beneath the leather furs draped over his shoulders. 

“Have I ever lied to you?” 

Without answering, you push the furs off, eyes going wide at the sight of ink carved onto his skin. Immediately you reach to run the tips of your fingers across the raised flesh, poked through with sterilized needles and squid ink, half scarred from the forced injury to create the permanent markings. “Is that?”

“You.”

It’s as if you’ve woken up in Johnny’s cabin once more, short of breath as you trace over the lithe wolf prowling along a tree branch between leaves. Large golden flecks stare back at you, running your touch over the leaves as the Omega tattooed on his skin almost watches your movements. “Me?”

“My Omega.”

Grasping your wrist he drags your hand higher to the path of flowers blooming open on his shoulder. “My Omega made of honeysuckle and snow coated grass. As sweet as Autumn and fierce as Winter.”

“Johnny..”

Nights of clenching your eyes shut, pretending to ignore the Alphas eyes appearing in your dreams, shove aside the warmth you sought out from the memory of his touch. Every night and day kept apart had taken more of a toll on both of you than either could have realized, desperate to be close as you sink into his chest and wrap around him with a tight hug. “Alpha.”

“I know.” The gentle tone he keeps with you could erase any fear, comforted by the scent that had been suffocating you. Taking deep long inhales you finally let him in, head hazy as the Alphas scent combines with yours. “Never take your eyes off of me Omega.”

He means it, tempted to use his Alpha voice to manipulate you to follow his orders. It’s hard enough to tune out the whispers and groans that surround you from the crowd gathered around as he begins to strip your flimsy tunic away and slowly takes in every inch of your exposed skin, quietly cursing under his breath. “Beautiful, you’re so beautiful.”

Every touch is soft, voice hushed for only your ears to pick up on, gaze lit up full of love that you can feel each time your eyes meet. Nerves prickle under the drag of his finger, softly gliding down your stomach to the tops of your thighs to part you open, swallowing down a loud deep breath. Embarrassment twitches your knees, wanting to slam them shut as the Alphas lowers to get a close up look and curls his biceps around your thighs. “The most perfect Omega, aren’t you pretty?”

Slick gushes between your folds, shaking from the tips of your fingers to your toes as your peer down between your thighs. Johnny’s eyes shoot up, lowering his thick lips to your center. The invitation of your warm glistening cunt is enough to have him groaning, unintentionally teasing the hood of flesh hiding your clit. Pouty pressed together lips flatten and kiss the bundle of nerves, lighting triggers up your calves and thighs for more slick to drip out onto the Alphas chin grazing across your awaiting entrance.

Given any other circumstance, including the one you could have ended up in, he would have had you present on all fours and fucked you like a proper Omega slut. Alpha urges roar for him to hurry it up, enough to worship your cunt. Ignoring his wolf's demands, he moves lower to kiss at your entrance, slurping up the sweet sticky syrupy slick for the direct source. Burying his nose in to snort your aroused scent this up close. He mouths sloppily at your hole, not even to get you off yet, but to finally have a taste of his dreams. A taste of what he could only imagine for years.

Nothing would ever be able to compare or come close to the heavenly taste of you. 

“My Omega, so sweet. Taste so fucking sweet, pretty pretty girl.” His chins doused with your gleaming arousal when he decides to finally come up from air at the sound of your moans turning into impatient whines. Jerking against his mouth desperately, needing something inside. He can feel it, the frustration coming from both of your wolves, attacking you from inside out to mate mate mate.

The Alphas breath fans across your now sweaty neck, body heat rising at accelerated speed the more he teasingly tortured you. Licking up your scent gland, he drags a way to your ear, biting on the lobe softly. “My innocent Omega wants Alphas cock so badly? Rutting against me like some horny pup.”

And it’s true, without thought your thighs wrap around one of his long muscular legs, jamming your bare core up and down the flexed limb. Hair grazes your slick cunt, making a mess of wet down the Alphas thighs as your hips speed up chasing after a relief only he can fulfill.

“Alpha, I need to.. be closer.” Every and each bone in your body rattles, craving and needing to feel him inside of you. Johnny tenses, eyebrows wrinkling together as he grabs onto your hips and forces you to stop.

“You’re gonna give me a hard time with that pretty ass and pussy, aren’t you?” He says through gritted teeth, eyes fluttering shut. “I’ll fuck you, fuck you full of my pups. Keep you satisfied until all you know is how to take your Alphas cock. Is that what you want?”

Thick palms slide beneath your back, gliding lower to cup and squeeze your ass, encouraging your hips to push down on his thigh again and plead for more. Vigorous grinds of your hips force him to lodge his knees down, shifting the furs laid out beneath you. He grunts, rasping out breaths shakily. “Fuck baby, get it nice and wet for me. Keep doing it just like that.”

As if to warn you, he grips your ass roughly, jamming his hardened clothed length against your hip for you to really feel what you’re about to take. A heavy hot thick rod ruts from your lower belly to your hip, a thin garment separating your lower halves, bowing your spine up pathetically. “Alpha—that, please, please, g-give me!”

A round of groans sound around you, quickly reminding you of where you are, but not long enough before Johnny sits up between your thighs, bringing your hands to his hips. 

“This what you want?” He asks damn near mockingly. Licking at his lips akin to a thirsty rabid wolf. 

“Alpha—want, want it!” 

Hisses, growls, harsh ragged breaths turn louder the more you whine, resisting your Omegas curious urge to glance around. Johnny cups your chin to keep you focused, sleek eyes melting your gaze. “What do you want? Say it clear for your Alpha.”

The size of him above you makes you feel so small, curling into yourself as he positions close between your thighs to jam his clothed size against your drenched cunt. Johnny trembles at the contact, having to sneak a look down as you soak through his light fabric cover up and the shape of his cockhead fully pokes through, pressing the tip to your swollen clit. “Want this?” He mutters, curling the fabric around his cock to slap down heavily between your thighs.

Jerking up in response you let out a howling scream, arms shooting out to grab his biceps. “Please please!”

“Say it!” He growls ferociously, slapping the heavy meat down with audible loud wet claps of skin hitting skin. The contact rushes blood down, chubbing your pussy up in preparation to squeeze the life out of your Alphas dick. 

“Want your cock Alpha! Wan-want you to breed me, pup me!” 

If only you had anything else on your mind other than the Alpha burying inside of you, you’d hear the uproar of feral cries set off around you. Each Alpha willing to sell their soul to be in Johnny’s position right now. They watch on drooling, snarling, rubbing themselves over their garments as your Alpha sits up proudly and strips his lower half free of the fabric. His thick cock bounces up, slapping loudly against the flat planes of his ripped stomach. The visual of Johnny’s chest rising and falling rapidly has slick pouring out of you obscenely, toes curling as you take in the full mass of him. Clenching up as small as you can as you envision what can only be compared to your forearm in size penetrating you.

“Alpha, s’too big..” you say wantonly, still wanting to feel him split you open. Still needy for your Alphas cock to break through your cervix and fatten your belly full of cum.

“I know, baby.” Laying down on you without resting his weight, his cock pressed against your stomach. The tip slotted a few inches above your navel as a preview of how deep he’ll be inside of you soon. Maneuvering his fingers between your thighs, he nips at your jaw, murmuring praises about how wet you are.

“It’s so loud, so warm.” Johnny sighs, sucking on your earlobe. “So slippery between my fingers.”

Tapping at your entrance, he nudges your thighs open further, gliding two fingers in past the ring of muscle that feels as if you’re trying to bite them right off of his hand. Cursing again, he sucks in a ragged breath, licking swirls along your ear. Thumb making way to your clit to loosen up the clamp your cunt has around his fingers. A few meticulous rubs and flicks combined with his hot mouth have you relaxing, shoulders laying flat as he begins to scissors inside of you.

“Feel that Omega? Your pretty tiny fucking pussy.” He grits, fingers beginning to jam in and out of you at heightened speed. “Feel so tight and warm around me, gripping me so good baby.”

Johnny’s nasty words make your mind spin, head thrown back watching the sky above you turn upside down. The sound of your gushing slick louder than anything, muting all but the guttural groans coming from your Alpha. Pleasure scorches throughout your body, reaching for his wrist with a trembling saliva covered bottom lip and watery eyes. “Please, enough. Alpha, I need it, need you.”

He hears you loud and clear, tongue toying with his lip for a moment before drawing free from your cunt. As much as he wants to make this easy for you, there’s no way. Both of you too insatiable and driven by your hunger to be one. To feel conjoined, even if you know it will hurt.

Slowly stroking his cock, he watches your pussy in a trance-like state. Stomach muscle twitching, taking sharp breaths as he rubs a smear of pre-cum around the tip. Dipping his fingers between your sensitive pussy lips again because he can’t help himself, too enthralled by the gush of slick that bubbles out messy and loud. It’s all for him, slowly collecting the wad of slick to coat his cock with like some type of silent apology for what he’s about to do to you.

The twitch your tiny little hole gives in response only makes him groan, setting the head right against your slit to admire the difference in size for a minute.

“Perfect.” Johnny whispers, rubbing his thumb down your clit to the outer rim of your cunt pulsing against his length. He can’t stop his hips from jerking, slowly thrusting to watch your muscle stretch, fighting back the much too large intrusion trying to invade and make a home for himself. The fat tip of his size throbs, pushing it in until he feels your hole snap around him, hissing and biting his lip. “Babies first time, just for me..”

It’s dizzying for him, almost too dizzying to hear your rushed intakes of air, to see your eyes clenched shut, fists balled up on your chest, and your teeth grinding to not scream. Johnny reaches for your forearms, pushing them down for leverage. Slowly he plunges in more, managing to get a few more inches in before pausing to take deep breaths. “You okay baby?”

Nodding furiously, you curse at him to continue. Distracting yourself from the pain by focusing on your breathing. You have to be good, prove yourself worthy, not only for your Alpha, but for the pack of onlookers. Determined to take him, you let out a moan and force your hips up into a swivel, further sliding his length inside.

A slew of curses spring from his lips in shock, reveling in the pressure and tightness enveloping half of his length. “Want it so badly, don’t you.” He says more to himself, moving to grab your hips and hold them down. “But you’ll do as I say.”

He pulls out, a lewd loud pop resounding as Johnny lifts his hips back enough to rub his length up and down. The fat tip of his size purposely nudging and bumping your swollen clit. Each drag against your sensitive pussy further ruining you, sobbing out loud without a care. The hold on your hips keeps you from moving, letting out a desperate shout as Johnny lays his palm flat on your stomach, taking his cock in hand to slap down on against your clit.

“Alpha! N-no!”

“Take it.” He groans, struck by the thick we s of slick that cling to his length with each heavy smack. Emitting pornographic squelching sounds for everyone of the Alphas he will lead someday to hear, to memorize, to know that they will never have a taste of you, let alone ever experience this again.

With a pleased smirk, the engorged tip of his length meets your entrance again. Pussy throbbing like a wounded animal as the Alpha finally presses in again, slowly breaching your hole to make you feel every overwhelming sensation all over again. The pain subsides as pleasure and desperation takes over, incessantly starving to feel him stuff you full. You sob, reaching out for something as he leans in to bracket your head with thick biceps. Finding solace in his shoulders, you claw at his smooth skin, arching up to bite down a scream into his muscle.

It’s heat inducing, arching against the Alpha to get him deeper inside of you. Long thick cock stretching you with each new inch added, too good once fully sheathed inside. You can’t stop whining, licking at Johnny’s smooth pronounced collarbone. Split open by the only one you’ve ever wanted, something about it swells your chest. Wrapping your arms around his shoulders to feel even closer. 

“Alpha, please—“ you start to wail, drooling on his neck, planting haphazard messy kisses.

“What are you begging for, huh?” He chokes out, moving to wrap around your shoulders in the same manner, knowing that your Omega needs to be close. That your heart needs to feel his beating against it. “You’re so tight for me baby. Gonna ruin that perfect pussy you have, make it mine.”

“Ugh!” Dropping your neck back, hot tears fill your eyes, raining down your cheeks as he begins to thrust in and out. 

“All mine, my pretty gorgeous Omega.” He moans, fully pulling out only to ram back in and sending your back arching up with a shout. Johnny can’t slow down, chasing after your release to get to his. Falling into a rough rhythm, he thrusts hard enough to have you both sliding up with each ramming force of his hips. The clenches you give around his cock accompanied by drool coated moans only encouraging him to push in harder, make you taste his cock in the back of your throat from here.

“Alpha..”

“Yeah, what did I say baby? Keep those pretty eyes on me baby. Keep looking at me.” Clutching your neck, he presses your foreheads together. Cock drilling deep past your tight hole. It’s not completely without pain, snapping around the intrusion of his thick long girth. Johnny works hard to keep his own eyes open, consumed by the way your pouty lips fall apart with a moan, how your eyes roll up and back to him over and over again. “Opening up so so good for Alpha. Feel good baby?”

Gliding a hand between your bodies, he lowers closer to your chest, pushing his arm lower to rest the back of your head along the dip of his elbow. Fingers find their way to your clit, circling the bundle of nerves with another thrust, easing more inches past your convulsing heat.

“Ahh—!” Incoherently you begin to nod, head spinning, thighs aching around his hips. The pinch to your clit shoots up your spine, lifting your butt up only to be slammed back down into place with another powerful thrust. Johnny curses, sucking at spit around his tongue as he lifts enough to watch you take the last inch of his cock again.

“Oh shit baby.” He croons, biting down on his lip at the sight of his cock completely disappearing inside of you like nothing. The way you take it only as an Omega can. It’s indescribable to feel your heat suck around him, the way your walls clamp on his size like wet firm kisses. Pangs of pleasure throb up his length, cockhead pressed to your cervix at this angle. “Can’t believe—“ the Alpha drags his slick coated fingers to your lips, pushing them down on your tongue, teeth gritting. “Can’t believe I’m inside of you.”

That awakens your lost mind, licking between his digits as he circles down into you and lets you truly feel how big he is. Each twist of his hips feels like a delicious new stretch, opening your cunt up to always be ready for your Alpha to fill you up. He sighs, smiling and pressing in to capture your lips. Cock thrumming inside of you letting you get used to the sheer size of him. Distracting you with wet and messy glides of his tongue, he continues to slur between sucks, drawing your tongue out with his suctioning lips. 

“Such a pretty fucking pussy baby, best cunt ever.” Johnny sounds lost himself, lapping at the combination of your spit smearing between your chins. “Tight, so tight for your Alpha.”

All you can do is whine and agree between his overpowering kisses, failing to grab his tongue with yours. Johnny controls everything, the way you kiss, the way you fuck, the way your body reacts to him. Infiltrating your brain, lungs, heart, cunt, filling every empty hole inside of you with himself, staking claim to his Omega the way only a real Alpha can.

“Pl-please, Alpha, please,” you start to beg, throwing your limbless arms around his shoulders to weakly throw your hips into a circle. Turning desperate to really feel him, to really get fucked by your Alpha.

He fully lets go, tearing past his own resistance to fuck you full, hard and fast. Wet sounds clap around you, jostled by each punching thrust, swearing you can feel him as deep as your lungs from the way you gag on spit and choke on your breath. Weakly tapping at his shoulders you lose it, clamping on the Alphas size hard enough to make him stop for a moment. Johnny growl’s animalistically, pounding through the splash of slick threatening to push his size out from the force of your powerful orgasm. He keeps fucking you through it, looming large over your body going lifeless beneath him.  

“Knot, g-gonna knot baby.” The veins lining his long throat pop out under sweat glistening flesh, dropping his nose to yours as his stomach convulses and he thrusts in all the way deep surely leaving your cervix bruised. “Fucking—-fu—ahh shit!”

It’s the most shattered he’s sounded, raspy and whiny, coming to a stop as the base of his length begins to expand. Swiping his lips against yours between panted breaths.

“S’too.. can’t.” You beg, lightly tapping his chest. It’s useless, both of you too strung out by the peak of your pleasure. The only option left is to wait it out and grit your teeth through the burn stretching against your hole.

Right as you feel every last inch of your body go limp, Johnny securely cups behind your neck, licking across the top row of his teeth practically salivating at the sight of your extended throat arched up so invitingly. The knot thrums against your walls, painful stretch burning as he adjusts to lower his chest to yours and whisper against your lips. “My Omega.”

The bite hurts initially, gnawing deep through the flesh covering your scent gland. Long canines dig through your veins, sucking at the blood that gushes past his bite. Memories of the first time you met the Alpha flash behind your eyes, weakly sinking your nails into his shoulders as tears rush from your eyes and everything he’s ever wanted to say to you flies around your mind. The days you spent together, the times he always let you win just to see you smile, and the frantic need to protect you. Pain washes away along with the tears rolling down your face, whimpering and clutching onto him as hard as you’re able to.

“Johnny..”

The pitiful sounds that come from his throat remind you of a distressed pup, lapping up your bite aggressively as guilt claws at his chest seeing you grow weaker beneath him.

“S’okay Alpha..” you mumble, sliding your hands up his neck to hold his cheeks. The difference in size seems more daunting now, stuck on his knot that hasn’t deflated one bit, the visual of your small hands thumbing his wet cheeks feels right. Feels as if you’ll never have to fend for yourself as each emotion and reassuring sense of devotion fills your head. 

Johnny’s your Alpha, destined to lead, destined to be yours.

“Hurt you..” he barely whispers, thumb caressing the mark on your neck solemnly. Fighting between his pride and lust to prioritize what you could be going through. “Sorry..”

“No no,” tucking your chin, you capture his thumb to suckle on, head shaking softly. “Love you.”

The look that illuminates his features can only be described as one of love. Adoration and admiration, relief, lightly tipping the corners of his lips upward and releasing the tension pinching at his ears. “Love you, my mate.” He says proudly, knot gone down enough to fix your positions and lift you onto his lap. “Let's go home.”

Without allowing you time to look around, he holds onto your bottom, keeping you impaled in place with his knot as his thighs burn to stand, free hand petting the back of your head and easing your nose to rest against his scent gland, successfully masking your eyes from the Alphas that stand around drooling, hard cocks pulsing, desperate to have a piece of you for themselves. With a last look of warning at the group, he turns and takes the back trail back to his cabin, shushing your whines.

“Almost there baby.”

“We’re going home?” You ask drowsily, clinging onto his shoulders as if you fear the idea of falling, knowing the Alpha would never allow for such a thing.

“Our home.” He states, rounding a corner to the back entrance of his cabin to avoid allowing anyone else that may be roaming around to see you in this position. “You did such a good job for me back there pretty.”

“I did?” Warmth fills your stomach, brows knitting as your hips roll against him on their own to feel the Alphas half deflated knot push past your aching entrance. He hisses, cupping your ass firmly on the way to the bed you rested in yesterday, already soaked with your scent, weakening his knees as he lays you down and hovers above you, fist planted by your sides. 

“So good for me, my perfect Omega.”

Reaching up for his shoulder, you trace the wolf gazing down at you once again, head tilted curiously. “Has it always been me? Really?”

Johnny’s eyebrows gather together furiously, nodding rapidly, clicking his tongue annoyed. “You know that it has.”

“It’s nice to hear.” You smile, biting on your lip. 

“Yeah?” Lowering down, he thrusts the rest of his size in to fill you with every inch, knot gone down enough to shove his length in deep once again. “And me? I want to hear you say it.”

Damp strands of hair hang around your face, framing the Alphas sharp cheekbones, long eyes that stare down at you obsessively. 

“It’s always been you.” You admit, arching up for a kiss. 

Already knowing that is one thing, but hearing you say it strikes a nerve, growling from deep in his chest as he reaches to draw your hands above your head and teases your lips with barely there kisses.

“You’re mine.” Small pecks litter your top and bottom lip, lowering to your chin and jaw, trailing a pathway up to your ear and back as he continues to repeat mineminemine.

“Mine to have.” Another kiss.

“Mine to keep.” Another kiss.

“Mine to save.” Another kiss.

“And mine to ruin.” The last kiss steals your breath, bred full again by the next thrust, only held in place by his solid grip on your forearms.

The Alpha made good on his promise to take care of you, fucked and bred night after night to birth the strongest members of your pack. 

Occasionally you’d find your way back to the forest, now with Johnny by your side helping you climb trees that you insisted on being able to do on your own.

“It’s nice up here.” He hums, laying back on the large part of the base with you on his chest, stroking up and down your spine soothingly.

“It’s nicer with you.��

“Yeah?” His eyebrow lifts, tapping your chin to look at him. “No more running away from me then?”

“You’re here with me, aren’t you?” You tease, pretending to bite his finger.

“That’s my girl.”

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･

[primehyuck]

dress

this is the hair, the face, etc

aka Mark thinks you look really pretty tonight (very “only bought this dress so you could take it off” / “can we hear it for the dress” esque )

word count: 3.5k

contents : pretty much pure smut, pussy worship, soft dom mark, oral (f receiving) , body worship - mark thinks you’re REALLY REALLY pretty, mirror sex (kind of), lots of pet names, established relationship, mark seduced me as i was writing this

“Don’t you look pretty?” Mark smirks at you from where he leans against the door frame and you smile softly at him in the mirror, taking off the jewelry you’d worn to dinner with your friends that evening. You place the items gently inside the white vanity he’d had made for you when you moved in together the year before.

“Thanks, baby.” you take him in, fresh out of the shower in sweats and a big t-shirt. He looks too hot for his own good, his hair the longest it had been since you’d met, freshly bleached strands curling over his eyes.

“Did you have fun?” He slinks up behind you, warm fingers toying with the thin strap holding your dress in place, his left hand shutting the top of the vanity before pressing heavy to the front of your hip.

You nod “It was nice to have some girl time, as much as I love spending evenings with the boys.” you scrunch your nose earnestly, thinking of Mark’s best friends who had treated you like family since day one.

“I’m glad, though you should have seen the look on Jisung’s face when he learned you’d be at dinner with your old roommate and he was stuck cooking for the rest of us” he murmurs and you can feel the smile on his face as he rests his cheek on your shoulder. The combination of his warm breath on your neck and thick lashes blinking over your skin makes you shiver “I was sad that I missed you before you left.”

“We ended up going for a cocktail before dinner,” you reach up to thread your fingers through his hair and he lets go of the dress strap to trace up the inside of your arm. Mark turns his head to press his lips to your shoulder, pretty brown eyes blinking at you in the mirror once before skimming down the reflection of your body.

His gentle fingers drifting over your arm make your skin tingle and you can hardly breathe when he grips your bicep firmly, supporting your arm as he kisses over the shape of your shoulder, all the way to your elbow and back up again.

“Is this new?” He mumbles, the hand on your hip moving to tug at the hem of your dress. You nod, and he smiles before guiding your raised arm down to rest at your side, fingers lacing through yours. You watch in the mirror as he drags his nose into the crook of your neck, tilting your head to the side to make space for him there.

“Pretty,” his eyes catch yours in the mirror again.

“You already said that.” you tease weakly, failing to keep your breathing under control.

“My bad,” Mark chuckles quietly, left hand stretching to rub your thigh, no effort needed to hike the short dress up enough to expose your panties “I mean, you look gorgeous. Good enough to eat.”

You're surprised your knees don't buckle when he shifts his hand between your thighs to cup your clothed core.

“You think?” You mumble, turning to face him rather than his reflection. He blinks slowly at you, nodding once before his lips are on yours.

His kiss fills your lungs and you both moan. The fingers that were warming your core finds your shoulder to spin you toward him without loosening his grip on your hand. He presses you against the vanity, free hand finding a home on the back of your neck while he brings your joined fingers down, rubbing over where his cock strains against his pants. Your dress rides up to your hips when he pushes your ass firmly onto the surface of the custom table, lanky fingers digging into your skin.

“You’ll have to let me take you somewhere in this, love showing you off” he mumbles against your lips before trailing his own over your chin and down your throat “somewhere I can fuck you while you're wearing it.” You feel his cock jump at his own words, arching your chest into him when he licks gently over the swell of your breast on display beneath the low cut neck of the dress.

“Anytime,” you gasp, the hand not pressed between your bodies pulling gently at his hair in an effort to bring his mouth to yours again. He complies easily, pushing your intertwined knuckles into your clothed pussy and you feel him rut against your forearm at the damp spot growing there.

“Shit, the thought of me fucking your perfect pussy in public turns you on that much?” He stops kissing you for a second to tease meanly before taking both of his hands away from your body and you have to plant yours on the vanity to stop your head from banging into the mirror behind you.

“I want you to fuck me now” you pout, reaching pathetically for the fabric of his baggy clothes, but he’s just out of reach. You huff at him, quickly going for your own dress.

“Be patient baby, please. You’ve been able to see yourself all night.” he tuts, having to step between your legs to hold your wrists still “let me spend some time with the dress, too.”

You whimper when he drags your hips to the edge of the sleek wood to grind you against him, “Fuck, you drive me crazy.”

You take advantage of his hands being on your hips to wrap your fingers through his damp hair, dragging his mouth to yours. Mark’s hands are everywhere; pulling your dress up to your waist, leaving hot prints in the wake of his fingers, gliding over the skin of your thighs before hooking beneath your knees to keep your legs open. When you try to wrap your arms around his neck he easily pulls out of your desperate grasp, but you can see the wanton look in his heavily lidded eyes.

“Gonna make you feel as good as you look,” he rasps and you nod eagerly. His fingers drag over the straps of the dress before deciding against it, leaving your upper body covered “If that's even possible.”

He pulls you off of the vanity and guides you to the bed, keeping your body flush to his until he lays you back onto the mattress. The mirror hanging on the wall above the desk tilts down so you can see your reflection from the edge of mattress, the way Mark had specifically designed it.

“That’s better, want you to watch.” he smiles, glancing behind him to make sure the only part of yourself you can't see is what he's blocking with his own body as he drops to his knees between your legs. He rubs the heel of his palm into your clothed center, fingers digging into your pubic bone while he peppers kisses up your legs. His hand keeps your hips from bucking up when he licks heavily into the crease of your thigh before he moves his palm to press a wet, open mouthed kiss to your underwear. He sucks the fabric between his lips before his strong fingers pull your underwear up tight against your pussy to perfectly outline your already engorged clit and Mark’s cheek rests heavily where his mouth had just been on your thigh.

“Shit, baby.” he groans, stretching the fabric of your underwear in his fist, shifting it side to side and watching your lips move with it “I did this to you?” he asks gruffly, face sliding further up your leg until you can feel his breath on your soaked core.

You choke out a weak affirmation as he releases your panties, moaning when the stretched out fabric sticks to you. Your whole body shudders when he leans forward, nosing over your clit and inhaling deeply, dark lashes fluttering prettily against his cheeks.

“Mark, please-“ you gasp when he opens his mouth fully over you, dragging your panties away from your skin with his teeth and sucking at the ruined fabric.

Sometimes Mark feels a little pathetic between your legs, completely intoxicated, essentially trying to drink the taste of your pussy off of your underwear. The fact that he's so desperate for you, and yet he still has complete control never fails to inflate his ego, and as always it has his dick straining painfully against his sweats.

He moves the limp fabric to the side and uses two eager fingers to pull you apart, exposing your clit and Mark swears he sees it pulse, the idea making pre-cum leak from his dick like a broken faucet.

“Could stare at this pretty pussy all day,” he murmurs, not even looking up at you “but then I wouldn’t be able to taste it.”

You both let out sighs of relief when his tongue finally makes contact, laving over your wet folds. He moves urgently, wanting to touch you everywhere but settling with one hand palming gently over your inner thigh, the other keeping your hole open for his tongue to fuck into. When you open your eyes to look down you see his own closed gently, blissed out as he sucks your clit into his mouth.

Your eyes flicker toward the mirror, gaze following the firm circles Mark is tracing into the skin of your thigh, the callouses from hours of guitar make goosebumps rise on your skin. You wish he’d take his shirt off, the black material stretches over his strong shoulders as he moves his mouth over your pussy. You lace your fingers through his blonde waves, his moan vibrating through you when you tug at his scalp. He moves his mouth over you with intention, wetting his chin and nose as he buries into you, never spending too much time in one spot in an effort to spend as long between your legs as possible.

“Fuck, baby, I’m already so close.” you gasp, the few minutes of teasing wound you up like a clock, the gentle flick of his tongue over your clit enough to make your entire body shake. He looks up at you, blonde curls getting caught in his lashes. The deep brown of his hungry eyes is almost enough to make you cum until he suddenly pulls away.

“No, no, no,” you wiggle yourself toward his mouth and he has to close his eyes for a moment to restrain himself, wanting almost nothing more than to make you cum on his tongue over and over and over.

“Needy girl,” he leans away from you and you whine again until you realize it’s to tug his shirt off and toss it to the side. Both hands press back into your legs as soon possible, rubbing over your shins and thumbing into the pit of your knee before gliding up your inner thigh.

“You’re teasing me.” you pant, your own hand threatening to sneak down to rub over your spit soaked clit but he stops you, glaring.

“I don’t think so, baby.” he deadpans “you can make this easy or you can make this hard.”

“I make you hard.” You smirk, attitude overpowering your need to orgasm and Mark tilts his head in surprise.

“You know eating your pretty pussy does more than just make me hard.” He raises an eyebrow, reminding you gently of all the times he’s cum from grinding into the mattress while going down on you “makes me fucking crazy.”

Your breathy laugh turns to a moan when he puts his mouth back on you, nose buried in your skin. He drapes your thighs over his bare shoulders and it takes what feels like less than a minute of his tongue rolling over your clit to get you right back to where you were. You groan angrily when he pulls away again.

“Why?” you can barely get the word out, feeling your legs move up as your boyfriend shrugs beneath them.

“I told you to watch” his arms reach from around the outside of your legs so one hand can push your chin, directing your eyes to the mirror while the other drifts over the soft silk of the dress that might as well be suffocating you. You watch the muscles in his back flex, your toes pointing to dig into his shoulder blades.

He follows your gaze, guiding your leg down onto the mattress and shifting his tosro out of the way so you can see yourself, swollen and wet from the torment of his mouth.

“Tell me what you see.” He commands softly, the hand supporting your leg moves quickly to rub over your soaked center and you blush when you realize you can hear his fingers gliding over you. You both watch the reflection of his middle and ring finger slowly pushing into you. You’re so wrapped up trying to keep your eyes from fluttering shut that you barely notice the way his breathing quickens, mouth dropping open slightly, cock twitching as your pussy sucks his fingers in.

“I see you-“ you begin to choke out but he shakes his head, crooking his fingers up into your g-spot and cutting you off.

“No baby, tell me what you look like.” He turns his head to kiss the thigh still draped over his shoulder, fingers hooking up and dragging over your g-spot at a painfully slow pace.

“I look, fucked,” you moan when he nibbles at the soft skin his lips just passed over “desperate.”

“Hmm, what else?” He dips his head in to press his swollen, pink lips to your clit, smiling when you squeak weakly “tell me what I want to hear, angel.”

“I look,” you whine again, back arching off the mattress when he takes his fingers out of your fluttering walls in favor of rubbing them over your clit, so gently you’re not even sure you’d be able to feel it if you weren’t so worked up “pretty.”

You watch the back of his head nod in agreement, stroking his fingers over your clit in a lazy circle before dipping down into you once and traveling back up.

“That’s right,” He coos, free hand groping at your tits, thumb brushing over your perked nipple as best as he can through the layers covering your upper body “what makes you so fucking pretty?”

“My mouth,” you whimper, relief washing through your body when he keeps his fingers inside of you “my tits,” your hand reaches to cover his and he smiles up at you, expectant eyes waiting for one more answer “my pussy. You make me feel so pretty, Mark.”

His chin and nose are covered in your slick, moaning at the taste when he licks over his lips, forehead falling weakly onto your pubic bone, rubbing his nose against your throbbing clit as he nods in agreement.

“My gorgeous girl, every part of you is too fucking pretty for me” He moves back to face your body again, taking his fingers from your pussy and replacing your knee over his shoulder, reaching up to meet his other hand on your chest. He palms at your breasts through the dress, shoulders breathing heavily beneath your legs while he curses himself for not at least taking your bra off, dying to tug at your nipples beneath the silky fabric. Sometimes his attempts to edge you become self-torturous, but the way your whole body shivers when he rubs his nose into your clit harder makes it worth it.

You test his patience by pushing at his head, trying to get his mouth back where you want it and he concedes, but let’s go of your breasts to traps both wrists in a single hand. His pink tinged cheeks make your heart skip a beat as you watch him rub his face in your pussy, sucking your clit into his mouth eagerly before licking back down into your hole.

“Please, please, please,” you beg and he looks up at you with those pretty brown eyes when he hears your teeth chatter, pulling away with a moan that makes your back arch toward his mouth. He drops your wrists, unable to stop himself from palming over his pants, pre-cum forming a wet spot on the crotch almost as soon as he dropped to his knees for you.

“I got you, baby.” His voice is barely audible over the ringing in your ears. He uses the hand that isn’t on his dick to spread you as far apart as his fingers can manage “fuck, look at that pretty clit.” he’s sure of it now, your clit is literally pulsing, body begging for an orgasm that he can’t wait to taste. He glances up at your shivering figure, straps of your dress fallen off either shoulder, chest rising and falling dangerously quick.

A cool blow of air through his pursed lips surprises your system, entire body spasming as your orgasm hits. You think you hear your boyfriend’s “no fucking way” before his tongue starts fucking eagerly into your dripping pussy, pressure from his nose on your clit making sure the orgasm lasts so long you have to push him away.

“That was fucking incredible, I didn’t even touch you” Mark stands, stripping off his pants and forcing himself into you before you have the chance to take a breath.

“Oh my god,” you gasp at the same time he chokes out “so fucking tight”, making quick work in stripping you to rub his hand over your chest. His head falls back, mouth falling open when the aftershocks of your orgasm make you squeeze around him.

“Kiss, please.” you have pins and needles in your fingers when you lift them to his shoulders, pulling him toward you eagerly to catch his mouth. A sturdy hand cups your cheek, kissing you deeply as he begins to move his hips. His tongue is hot and heavy on yours as he fucks into you, catching every short inhale in his mouth. You want to cry when he pulls away, but are quickly overwhelmed by how fucking good he looks.

His strong chin juts out when he stares down to where his cock slides in and out of you with eyes so heavy you’d think they were closed if he didn’t mumble something about “your pretty pussy was made for me, so fucking wet”. His abs are drawn in tight, your arousal shining on the skin of his lower stomach and you reach out to touch him, dragging your fingers over the dark patch of hair growing below his belt line. He slows his assaulting pace to lean into your touch, grabbing your wrist and drawing your slick soaked fingers up his chest and into his mouth, sucking lewdly and shutting his eyes. His hair is a mess thanks to your desperate hands, sweat dripping down the side of his neck.

“So fucking dirty baby, know I'm addicted to the way you taste,” he grunts, dropping your hand in favor of spreading your legs as far as he can “the way you feel.” He slows his hips almost to a stop, dragging his cock out of you intently, listening to the sopping suction sound you make together when he slides back inside just as slow.

“Hear that, pretty baby, how much your pussy needs me?” eyes focused on where the angry, pink head of his cock prods at your entrance “can’t believe you’re real, and you’re all mine.”

“All yours,” you whisper, not trusting your voice “all yours.” his lips pull up smugly, but his eyes shine with adoration as he brings his thumb up to your mouth and watches you eagerly suck on the digit before dragging it down your quivering stomach to land on your clit.

“That’s right,” he can’t help the deep groan that tears from his chest at the look on your face when he starts to rub in smooth circles, your eyes fluttering shut “shit, you’re so fucking pretty. Look at yourself, want you to see what I see.”

He forces your eyes toward the mirror, hips picking up speed again while his thumb stays working over your swollen clit.

“Fuck, you’re gonna make me cum baby. Always make me feel so fucking good.” you moan at his words, thighs clenching around his hips “need you to cum with me, show me that you can take it all.” he practically begs, and you feel white hot pleasure shoot up your spine, the pace of his hips and thumb on your clit working easily with his hot words in your ear.

You make a noise between a moan and a scream, nails leaving indents in his shoulders, grinding your hips up toward his sloppily. His bicep shakes under his weight, fucking into you viciously, eyes focused on the blissed out look on your face that he knows is because of him.

“That’s it, take that fucking cock baby, take it.” all you can hear beneath his words is static sound when you feel him tense before he thrusts into you for a final time.

You can’t even hold your eyes open when he drops to his forearms to grab your flushed cheeks, kissing you lazily, letting you melt into him while he softens inside of you. You hum happily when his soft lips drag over your nose and cheeks, compliments falling on ringing ears and for a second Mark is nervous that he broke you.

“You okay, baby?” he rubs gently at the mascara smeared under your glazed over eyes and you smile softly up at him with a nod

“So good,” you assure him, lifting your neck to kiss him again and he happily obliges, laughing against your lips as you cage him in with your legs when he tries to pull out, murmuring a genuine “don’t go.” that makes his heart flutter in his chest.

“Not going anywhere, don’t worry.” he promises.

———

masterlist

[liliansun]

FREE TRIAL WEDDING STYLE | L. DONGHYUCK

synopsis: when a random, cute, guy comes up to you and practically asks for you to follow along, you do so without much thought. that is until you get home and see he’s your new neighbor who just might need your help a little more than you expected.

pairing: fake-bf/new neighbor!haechan x oc

wc: 10.6k

genre: fluff, comedy, fake dating au, slice of life (?), wedding au

warnings: warnings, kissing, all that fun jazz (lmk if I miss any)

mentions of: 127, dream and wayv members, mention of aespa members

<3: special thanks to ash and briar for literally just beta reading anything I ask them to and for just being the best friends I ever could’ve asked for, they’re the real og besties and I love you guys sm 🫶

PART TWO: FIRST ANNIVERSARY

Looking up at the boy in front of you who seemed desperate for you to follow along, you clear your throat as you shift your eyes to his friends. “Um, I thought I told you I was coming here on break.” Awkwardly trying to come up with the right words, the boy watches as you look panicked and takes the seat in front of you. “It must’ve not gone through, babe.” He said, reaching across the table to place his hand over yours. You glared at him, making him immediately retract his hand and laugh it off as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“We’re out Haechan, text us when you’re gonna meet up.” One of the guys from what you can only assume was his friend group said as he got up and gathered his belongings. “What- wait I still wanna come.” The boy, who you just learned is Haechan, whined as he immediately stood up from his seat when his friends made way for the door. “Dude you’re here with your girl, catch up later.” The boy with blue hair gave him a knowing look which caused the boy, Haechan, to pout. “Actually, I was about to go back to work anyway because- yeah, so um it’s nice seeing you, honey?”

Haechan can see how uncomfortable you are and simply nodded as you grabbed your belongings. He walked beside you, making your way to the door before you two part ways. To his surprise, you go off in the opposite direction than him and his friends, not saying another word about the shit show you had to endure.

After the awkward encounter back at the cafe, you went back to work and tried to pretend it never happened. Rubbing your eye with the palm of your hand, you don’t get a good look at whoever joined in the elevator when it stopped midway to your designated floor. Too caught up in the oddly comforting feeling of rubbing the stress and sleepiness from your eye, you lean back with both eyes closed. “Didn’t get enough sleep?” You recognize the voice, humming as you let out a yawn.

“Why didn’t you take a nap on break?” You roll your head toward the voice, opening your eyes to see Jaehyun giving you a knowing look. “I had lunch away from the office and I’m honestly starting to regret it.” The ding of the elevator signals you to get off on your floor. Jaehyun follows behind, slipping his hands into his pockets. “What happened, did you try some weird new restaurant again because if you spend the next 30 minutes away from the desk again I’m gonna shred your computer.”

You furrow your brows, whipping around on your heels to point a finger into his chest. “It’s not my fault, okay, last time I tried that cheap fusion food truck and it gave me food poisoning.” Shuttering, you try to block out the memory of the last time you went away from the office for lunch which cost you a bill from the hospital and toiletries to keep you at bay. “Plus this wasn’t anything that happened with the food, this guy..I don’t know it was weird and I just wanna forget about it.”

“Suit yourself, but don’t be calling for me when your stomach starts to churn.” He says, walking away from you to enter the main office area. You sigh, running your fingers through your hair as you slip between the crowded area till you get to your own desk. Plopping down in your seat, your eyes immediately look at the brightly colored sticky note left by your senior editor. Snatching it from the base of your computer, you groan while crumbling it in your hand. “Someone’s sour today I see.”

“Maybe if Kim Jungwoo didn’t leave cryptic messages at my desk when I’m not there instead of telling me when I’m actually in the office then I wouldn’t want to bash his pretty face in.” Karina smiles at you, leaning against your desk as she watches you throw away the note into a bin. “Do I even want to know what that was all about?” You roll your head towards her, shaking your head before refocusing on the emails you missed. “Gotcha, speaking of pretty faces, Jae told me you met a boy at lunch.”

“How did he tell you that when we literally just got in?”

“He has a big mouth for such a quiet man.” Nodding along, you start to click through emails, sorting through which ones are important and which ones can be pushed back till you get home. “So.”

“So?” Karina smiled at you, leaning towards you as she wiggled her finger. “Don’t play dumb y/n, tell me about the boy!” Rolling your eyes, you shrug her off and go back to what you were doing before. “Uh uh, don’t do that, tell me pretty please? I mean when’s the last time you had a boy to talk about since your douchebag of an ex.” Fighting back a frown, Karina notices how stiff you get and gently rubs your arm. “I’m sorry, I know it’s still fresh.”

With a heavy sigh, you turn your chair towards her. “That’s the thing, it’s been two years and I still can’t seem to get over him or even mention him.” She continues rubbing your arm, knowing all too well how messy your breakup with your ex was. “I really can’t say much about him though, the guy I mean.” She nods, letting you know she’s listening. “He’s cute, I’ll give him that, kinda baby faced in a mature way if that makes sense and he seems almost childlike with the guys he was with but in the moment he was more desperate than anything.”

She smiles, playing with the ends of your hair. “Sounds like you like him.” You give her a twisted look, shaking your head at the thoughts you could only imagine that were starting to play out in her head. “No, uh uh no ma’am, don’t give me that look I literally just met him.” She props herself up on your desk, swinging her legs as her smile widens at your sudden defensiveness on the subject. “Karina, I promise you, he literally came up to me and pretended like we were dating! What kind of guy does that?”

Raising her eyebrows, she leans back on her palms. “Only the desperate boys who wanna slip your skirt d-“ The sound of a loud clearing of the throat caught both of your attentions. Looking at who was standing in the entryway to your small desk space, you see a very unimpressed Taeyong. “I’m not gonna ask what you two are giggling about,” he throws his hands up, wiggling his fingers with one while the other shakes around a manila envelope in the other, “But this is for you sent directly from Doyoung.” With a fake smile, you take the envelope that he ever so kindly handed over, snickering as he left off back to whatever he had found before.

“I hate to see what you did in your past life, karma is a bitch to you.” When your face deadpans, Karina throws her head back in a fit of laughter. You slap at her legs with the envelope, whining as she finds humor in your torture. “I don’t get why Doyoung always sends me the most complicated stuff, like I’m not the only person on the floor.” Putting emphasis on his name, you make a mental note to not get such a nice gift like you do each year for Christmas exchange. And if you’re wondering, yes you do get him a separate gift every year because you simply can. I mean, who wouldn’t, it’s Doyoung.

“Maybe because you’re one of the best editors on the floor.” Smiling, you lean back in your chair while tossing the envelope beside your keyboard. “You always know what to say to me.” Hopping off your desk, Karina flattens out the front of her pants before placing both hands on her hips. “Yeah yeah, work your magic and I’ll see you later.” You wave her off, facing your laptop with no intent on working on the pile of stuff in front of you.

After many excruciating hours sitting in your chair, you read the time and quickly gather your things to head home. You catch a cab to your tiny apartment, dragging yourself up the stairs in hopes you’ll actually make it to your bed before the mental exhaustion takes its toll. Reaching the top of the stairs, you see the door across from yours wide open. “I guess they found someone to fill the room.” You mutter to yourself, slinging your purse over your arm that doesn’t seem to stop sliding down.

As you’re putting your keys into your door, you hear scuffling behind you. “Oh hey neighbor.” Turning around, you meet eyes with the person you literally thought you’d never see again. “Oh, it’s you.” Haechan seemed taken aback, offended to his core when he gasped as he held his chest. “Nice to see you again, too.” If this was your final straw, your 13th reason, you’d probably let the world swallow you hole right on your doorstep and not bat an eye, but knowing Jungwoo he’d still find a way to drag you back to work in the morning.

“Sorry, I’m just too tired and honestly don’t even want to have this conversation.”

“What conversation are we not having?” You can’t tell if he’s genuinely confused and doesn’t recognize you, which only hurts a little, or if he’s just that pretty and that dumb. Maybe a combination of both to soothe your ego a little. “Y’know what- never mind, goodnight, neighbor.” You finally turn the key, unlocking your door and slipping into your lonely apartment. Dropping the bag by the door, you toss your shoes off and convince yourself a hot shower would wash this day away.

And it does, for the most part. Maybe it’s because you shampooed your hair and you feel ten times more clean or maybe it’s because hot water seems to cure every bad mood you had before you got into the shower. Now, you’re hungry and all you want is something warm and to snuggle with your cat till your dreadful alarm takes you away from your sleep. You’re in the kitchen, drying your hair with a towel when you hear a knock at your door. And another and another.

Your only guess as to who it could be was Karina, maybe she and her boyfriend got into a fight again and she wanted to blow off some steam at your place. You go to open the door, being met with a very sheepish looking Haechan who can tell your mood dropped a little at his presence. “What.”

“Okay, firstly ouch, is that any way how you treat a neighbor? I mean I just moved in tod-“

“I’m giving you five more seconds to tell me what you want or I’m shutting the dam-“

“Okay okay fine, uh, can I maybe, possibly just sorta hang out?” Maybe Karina was right, maybe this was your punishment for whatever fucked up thing you did in your past life and now you have to endlessly suffer as if you’re made of steal. Well news flash universe, you’re not, now lay off. “You’re kidding, right?” When his eyes drop down to his hands that he was anxiously rubbing together, you let out a sigh before stepping aside.

He looked up, his eyes almost bright as he looks into yours. “Come in before I change my mind.” Once he stepped inside, you expected him to sit quietly on your couch and do whatever he thought he was gonna do when he got in, but you were far from that reality. The quiet, almost shy, boy who you just so happened to meet twice in one day completely came out of his shell and is now sitting across from you on your floor while sharing a separate bowl of soup.

“So why did you name your cat peanut?” The pet in question, or conversation, came from the hallway and walked around rubbing his body against various things in your living room. “Because my brother is allergic to peanuts and peanut hated him so it seemed fitting.” He smiles, content with your answer as she moves his spoon around in the bowl. “You’re a bad host, you know?” With a mouth full of soup, you chew the contents with furrowed brows. He came to your door, invaded your space, is eating your soup and dares to call you a bad host?

“Excuse me, but you’re the one who came up to me at the cafe and practically forced me into going along with your story!” He scoffs, setting his bowl down in his lap while pointing his spoon at you. “You’re the one who went along with it, look where that got you.” You narrow your eyes, trying to weigh your options on what’s the best way to commit homicide. “Wait-what—why are you even in here again?”

“Well, see now that’s a good question.” His sudden change in demeanor was weird. He suddenly seemed nervous, shifting in his spot as he avoided your gaze. “I actually, uh, have something to propose. Well, more like ask a question if you will, it’s really interchangeable honestly.”

He mirrors you, watching you with hopeful eyes as you start shaking your head. “Oh no, uh uh, don’t even say it.” He hurries behind you, pouting as he watches you set your near empty bowl in the sink. “I didn’t even say anything yet.” You turn around, holding your arms out to prevent him getting any closer. “No, but I know what you’re gonna ask and I’m not—no!” Haechan tries to speak, being interrupted when you shh him. You walk past him when he puts his bowl besides yours, speed walking down your hallway to your room.

“Y/n, don’t leave me in here alone.” God he sounded so whiny, it’s kinda cute if you’re honest, but that’s more of a random thought than a compliment for now. “Wait- how did you know my name?” Turning on your heel, the two of you stop midway in your hallway. “The landlord told me, he said if I ever needed anything to ask my neighbor and I currently am in need!” You turn back, trying to block him out as you enter your room and desperately climb into your bed.

Haechan stands at the entrance of your room, pouting when you reach for your laptop beside your bed. “Do you know how insane this is, I mean we just met today and then you just so happened to move in across from me and now you’re in my apartment, practically in my room,” you take in a deep breath, laughing it out as you open the device in your lap, “and I already feel like I know what you’re gonna ask me and it’s so fucking insane.”

Haechan doesn’t say anything, looking at you with an awkward smile. If you knew him, you’d think he was enjoying this, but that’s the thing is that you didn’t know him. “I know this is crazy and you might try to call the cops, but just hear me out.” You scrunch your nose, staring at him from across the room with crossed arms. “Remember the guys I was with earlier right, they’ve kinda been on me about being in a relationship and in a panic, I saw you and yeah the rest you pretty much know.”

“Do you know how pathetic that sounds, to use a random stranger as a decoy for your love, or lack of, life.” He looks taken aback, almost hurt at your brutal honesty and it leaves a slightly bad taste in your mouth. “Look, I’m sorry for that and almost as sorry as the situation your friends put you in.” He shrugs, running his hands through his hair as he opts to sit against your doorframe. There’s an uncomfortable silence that settles between the two of you, both not entirely sure what to say next and not sure on what to even begin to say to make it better.

You stare at the unopened files on your screen, mentally weighing your options and trying to decide whether to kick him out and potentially file a restraining order or to give him a chance, both seem like they’ll end up in flames honestly. “Look, I’ve seen way too many drama shows and I have a feeling on how this is supposed to go—it may be because I’m sleep deprived or how sad you’re looking right now, but I’ll think about it.”

His face lit up, hope filling his eyes with a certain kind of sparkle that made you feel worse if you’re being honest. “I knew it was a good decision to move here, I just knew it.” He mumbled to himself, smiling as he got up from your floor and brushed himself off. “I’ve got work to do, but we’ll talk tomorrow..I guess?” Nodding, Haechan gave you a salute which made you laugh before turning on his heels and disappearing into the darkness of your hallway. You let out a breath, a breath you didn’t know you were holding and lean against your pillows trying to figure out what you just signed up for.

Just as you start clicking on files, Haechan comes running back to your door. “You should probably lock the door.”

“Oh yeah, that’s a good idea.” Pushing your laptop aside, you get up from your bed and follow behind him.

The days following your very awkward and yet unclear agreement, you would only see Haechan in the hallway when one of you was leaving as the other was just getting in. That talk you were supposed to have, yeah that never actually happened due to your sudden pileup of work that occupied your time. Just have you been all week, you were currently sitting on your couch with your laptop occupying the space on your lap as you wait for your takeout order. You’re about three-fourths of the way done with what you’re working on when you hear a knock at your door.

Setting the device aside, you get up and go to answer it with your wallet in hand. When you open the door, much to your surprise, you see a very awkward Haechan holding your bags of takeout. “You sure do order a lot of food for one person.” Raising one brow, you reflect the smile he was giving you. “And who said I didn’t have company over?” You step aside, letting him come in and he does just so. After making his way towards your couch, he sets the bags down on the table in the center. You stop to think as you close the door how comfortable he seems when he barely knows you and has only been in your apartment one other time.

“If you did, I probably would’ve heard because, you know, the whole being neighbors thing.”

“Oh so you’re stalking me now?” He rolls his eyes at your comment, plopping down at the end of your couch. “You wish you got that much attention, don’t you.” You grab the nearest thing, good thing for him that it was a pillow, and throw it across the couch—directly hitting him in the head.

“Now that’s enough for a restraining order!”

“Please, if you didn’t wanna be near me then why’d you come to my door?” Haechan got silent, looking down at his hands while you sat back in your spot and started unpacking the food. “That got real deep real fast.” The sound of his chuckle made you smile, making sure to lay out the food across the table for the both of you. Silently, he leaned forward and started to fill up his bowl with toppings of his choice. Both of you started munching down, occasionally setting your food aside to continue your work. “What are you working on?” He asked, leaning into your side to peak over your shoulder.

“Our contract for this unrequited love.”

“Haha, very funny.” Haechan’s sarcastic tone and expression to match made you snicker as you finished up on your report and sent it off to Jungwoo for review. “Just some final notes for an article.” He nods, seeming content with your answer. “That’s not a bad idea though.” When you turn towards him, confusion evident on your face, Haechan then elaborates. “I mean the contract or at least some rules to this,” he motioned his hand between the two of you, “because I can’t tell if you can tell, but I’m desperate as hell.”

“Brownie points for rhyming.”

If you could see whatever went through his head when you said that, you probably would’ve enjoyed it just as much as seeing him throw his head into his hands. “Okay, in all seriousness how are we supposed to do this—I mean we don’t know one another and I’m not very sure I can trust a guy who still plays Michael Jackson till three am.”

Throwing his hands up, Haechan looked both offended and taken aback by your sudden forwardness. ”Firstly, don’t talk about the king like that, he’s a classic and everyone should be blasting his music the way I do, secondly I get where you’re coming from.”

Over the next two hours, the two of you talked about yourselves to help one another get more of an insight of your personalities, laugh at poorly made jokes and eat your way through cheap takeout food. After all that, you two moved on to why he approached you and the reason behind his need for a girlfriend. “So you’re telling me that the tall one,”

“Johnny.”

“Right, Johnny, is getting married and he kept pressuring you get a date for the wedding and instead of telling him you didn’t have one you made up a girl who doesn’t exist and when the one with blue hair,”

“Mark.”

“Yes, Mark, pointed me out as your imaginary girlfriend, you had no other choice, but to approach me and hope I’d play along?”

Haechan took a deep breath, cringing at the way you broke down his story which honestly made it sound worse. “Yeah, pretty much and did I mention they went to meet you before the wedding?” Squinting your eyes, you stare at him with your mouth agape. “You’re kidding me, right?”

“If I was, would I seriously be sitting on your couch right now?”

He had a point, he could honestly be doing anything in the world, probably playing some video game, but like anything other than staring at you like you’re his only hope. “You’re lucky I didn’t call the cops on you or something like a, I dunno, normal person would have.” Haechan falls forward dramatically, grabbing both of your hands and squeezes them as he muffles what you assume is happy screams into your couch cushion.

The sudden move shouldn’t have made your heart jump a little, but it did and you’re not entirely sure why. For now, you’re blaming it on the fact that he’s insanely cute and the greasy food as you feeling a little beside yourself. “Your godsend, truly from heaven itself.” You pull your hands from his grasp, trying to hide the fact that your face feels like it’s on fire. “Yeah yeah, let me go before I reconsider this whole thing.”

“Let me at least take you on the first date before you try to back out—which by the way, will be next weekend at the actual wedding.”

You know that spit-take scene in movies where a person literally spits their drink everywhere because of the shocking news they just received, well that was you when he said that. Only this time it wasn’t in slow motion and wasn’t nearly as awesome, instead you choked halfway through spitting it out and it came back up and out your nose as you tried to save yourself from choking.

Haechan, disgusted you just spit all over him and also worried to see you nearly come to your end, gets up from the couch and searches your apartment for a towel to clean you and him up. When he comes back, you had slipped away to the bathroom to not only hide your embarrassment, but to clean yourself up and change your shirt. After what seemed like enough time to hope he had left, you went back into your living room to see Haechan sitting on the floor and using your couch as a back rest.

“Are you okay because that was—well that was tragic to put it kindly.”

“Can we not mention that, like ever for the rest of our lives would be good.” Sitting across from him, you fold your arms on top of the table, trying to avoid his gaze as you look anywhere but directly at him. He nods, understanding how overwhelmed you just be with all that he’s asking. You can tell by his stance how grateful he is for you and you use that to settle your nerves a bit. After all, maybe this would be a good thing. Maybe all of Karina’s talk about the universe and good karma might actually pull through.

“I’m sorry for roping you into all of this.” When you finally meet his eyes, you could see the sadness that lingered in them as he hung his head. “I don’t want you to think I do this for fun or I’m creepy or anything—I feel really bad for bringing you into something you didn’t ask for.”

Your chest felt heavy as you watched him slump against your couch. The last few interactions with Haechan made you feel like you’ve known him your entire life and seeing him so down had you feeling hurt.

“If you don’t want to do this, tell me please because I just- I don’t want you to go along with this because you feel bad for me.”

“I do feel bad for you, but that’s not why I’m doing this.” When he lifted his head, you could see the smile spread across his lips. “I see this as a an opportunity.”

“To what exactly?” When he leaned in, you did the same. He looked so familiar in this moment, so relaxed and almost kissable. But that’s the last thing you need to be thinking about when his face is damn near touching yours. “Two words: free food.” Watching Haechan gasp, you laugh as he raises his eyebrows at you. “Who said I’m going to pay for your food?”

Shrugging, you look down at your wrist and start to tap it with your finger. “Oh look at that, seems like you’ll have to find another girl who will help you, guess you might as well go ho-“

Haechan jumped up from his seat, moving around the table to grab your wrist. “No no, that’s okay—free food you said, that includes travel rights too?” You almost hate to say it, but this boy was making moves that damn near took your breath away. It sounds almost sad to be so swooned over a boy you hardly know, but there was something about him that just made you feel so at home. Maybe it was the way he laughs at every bad joke you tell or maybe it’s the way he’s way too touchy for your liking and yet you don’t seem to mind it.

Maybe it’s the way his lips are so plump and every time he pouts, you just wanna grab his face and kiss him till you’re out of breath. Maybe it’s the way his hand always feels warm to the touch and you could only imagine how you’d feel with his arms around you.

“Earth to y/n?” The snapping of Haechan’s fingers pulled you from your thoughts, blinking at him as if he was just apart of your imagination this whole time. “What’s going on up there that’s got you so spaced out?”

“Nothing, just thinking about what I’m gonna wear to the wedding.” Haechan looked at you a little longer, his eyes scanning your face to which you assume he’s trying to find something in your eyes. He seems to have bought it, backing away from you to create more personal space for you while he goes back to sit across from you. “Good point, we might just have to go shopping around this weekend to find a dress—oh and don’t forget one for the wedding so that makes two.”

“With what money, exactly? I mean I’m not broke, but I’m not paid enough to buy two dresses I’ll probably only wear once.”

He rolls his eyes at you, pulling his phone from his pocket when it starts vibrating. He doesn’t answer, instead he swipes right on the caller id and brings the device to his ear. From what you can hear from the person on the other side of the phone, you felt like he probably had something important to do. You start to get up, picking up the towels that he used to clean up the couch with. When you left to drop them off in the dirty basket, you return to find your door cracked and Haechan to be missing. Assuming he had went back to his apartment, you start to go and close the door before it swings. Haechan comes in, being followed behind by a guy you don’t recognize.

“Donghyuck, that’s breaking bro-code and you know it.” You’re a little confused as to why Haechan was called by another name, but you stay silent and watched the blonde haired boy cross his arms at Haechan. “I told you Yangyang, I’m not going to give you the girl at my jobs number—she already told me she filed a restraining order.”

Yangyang, the blonde haired guy you assume, pouts as he gets down on his knees with hands intertwined. “Pretty please, it doesn’t even have to be her, it can be someone else, I just need someone man—I’m lonely!”

You watch the dramatic scene unfold in your living room, getting a weird sense of deja vu. After clearing your throat to try and prevent yourself from coughing, both boys look at you with confusion in their eyes. “Are you the fake girlfriend?”

“I guess?” The question threw you off when Haechan’s friend said it so bluntly. “Stop asking questions and go to my apartment.” Haechan picked his friend up from the ground, shooing him out of yours and to the one across the hall. When Yangyang was now in his apartment, Haechan turned to you with a sheepish smile. “I’m sorry for what you had to witness.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’ve had weirder experiences than that if I’m being honest.”

He nods, rubbing the back of his neck as he looks around the floor. “So, I uh, I gotta get back to him or else he’ll probably destroy my apartment.”

“I’ll walk you home.” Your offer had his cheeks turning a slight shade of pink as you followed him from your door to his. Right before he went inside, he turned around and, to your surprise, gave you a hug. You took him in, wrapping your arms around his as you two held each other for what felt like forever. “Goodnight, Haechan.” You whispered as he pulled away, smiling at him. “Donghyuck.”

When you looked at him confused, he shoved his hands into his pockets. “My name is donghyuck, but my friends typically call me Haechan.”

“So we’re not friends?” He shook his head, smiling so fondly at you that you weren’t sure what was real or fake at this point. “Only my special friends can call me Donghyuck.”

That night, his words echoed in your head as you laid in bed staring at your ceiling. You seem quite delusional for falling for someone who you barely know, but boy oh boy does he have you on the edge and you’re ready to give it all just to fall into him. You grab your phone from off your bed, scrolling through your messages till you find Karina’s name.

y/n: baby boo u awake?

naevis baevis: no ew go to sleep

y/n: I think I like him

naevis baevis: GIRL WHATT THE HELL DID I MISS??

y/n: i don’t know I’m IDK he’s got me feelin wheezy

naevis baevis: so he’s got you having diarrhea??

y/n: NO BITCH WHAT??

naevis baevis: tell me tomorrow at work I’m too tired for you and your pneumonia

As Karina swiveled her chair around, you sat on top of her desk while picking at the chipped polish on your nails. “So what’s his friend look like?” You look over at her with a deadpan expression as she wiggles her phone in her hand for you to see. “That’s the least important part of the story and instead of being a good friend you wanna ask about the random guy who practically begged for bitches on my living room floor?” She nods, continuing to wiggle her phone at you until you snatch it from her hand and type in his name.

“That’s all I get?” She frowns, scrolling through the pulled up suggested accounts with the same name. “Look, I only know his name was Yangyang and you better hope I spelt that right.” She looks focused as she continues to scroll through, clicking on an account and holding it up for you to approve—to which you did. “He’s kinda cute.” She coos, looking through his instagram feed while leaning back in her chair. “Karina.” You whine, nudging her leg with your foot as she giggles at her phone. She looks up from her phone, mirroring your pout as she sets the device down and folds her hands together. “Look, I don’t see anything wrong with it, he’s offering to pay for your dresses and he’s incredibly hot from what I saw on his friends page so I say it’s a win-win.”

“How do you know he’s incredibly hot based off his friends page?”

“Duh, you’ve described this man to me so many times I’ve practically seen him through your eyes at this point.” She had a point, ever since Haechan walked into your life, all you seem to do is talk about him and how he makes your stomach is filled with butterflies. “So when’s the wedding again?” You snap out from your thoughts, staring at her with shock. “Huh?”

“His friends wedding, when is it?” For some reason when she first asked the question, you thought she was talking about you and Haechan and that alone had your face turning a slight shade of pink. “Girl please don’t tell me you thought I was talking about your man.” You rolled your eyes, sliding yourself off her desk and pulled down the rolled up pieces of fabric of your pants. “He’s not my man.” She gives you a look that tells you she doesn’t buy your bullshit and swivels her chair back around to her computer. “Tell that to lover boy next time you see him.”

You ignore her last comment and head back to your desk, confused to see a note left by your keyboard. When you pick it up, you read that Xiaojun had eaten your lunch by accident and apologized via sticky note. Crumbling it in your hand, you plop down into your chair in defeat. You throw the sticky note in the trash and start to open up files on your computer when you hear the phone on your desktop ring. Answering, you continue to click open files with the phone to your ear. “Y/n’s office.”

“Hey y/n, it’s winter down at the front desk, this guy is asking for you if you’re not busy.” You check the time on your computer, shrugging as you pin a couple important things before closing off the rest. “Sure, I’ll come down.” After you hang up the phone, you let Jaehyun know you’re going to lunch in which he replies he hopes you get a stomach bug. One of these days you’re gonna poison his food you think—playfully of course.

After a quick elevator ride down, you enter the main lobby of your building and wave at Winter who was standing behind the front desk. She returns the wave with a smile and points over at Haechan who was sitting on a bench by the front doors. In his hand was a bouquet of flowers and his phone. “Um, are you stalking me because if you are then this won’t work, I draw the line at being creepy.” Your voice caught Haechan’s attention, closing off his phone and tucking it into his jacket pocket as he gets up and heads towards you. “No I’m not stalking you, I asked the landlord for your number and where you worked and surprisingly he told me in a heartbeat.”

You make the mental note to stop sharing personal information with your landlord before focusing in on the flowers in his hand. Haechan’s eyes follow yours, looking down at the flowers before handing them over to you. “I thought since I’m your fake boyfriend, I might as well be a good one for compensation on having to deal with the shit show you got sucked into.” You smile at the flowers, looking up to meet his eyes. “Thank you, for the flowers I mean.” He nods, rubbing the back of his neck as he tries to hide his smile. “So, you’re not busy are you, because I totally showed up unannounced, but I figured it was better to do that then text you and you block my number”.

“No, I’m on lunch right now and you chose the best option on that.” He nods, linking his arm with yours and immediately starts walking towards the exit. “Excuse me, but where exactly are we going and why the hell did you feel the need to skip with your steps?” He smiled and if you’re honest, his smile brightened up the entire atmosphere around you. “We’re going dress shopping, duh, oh and to get lunch because I’m a good boyfriend like that.”

You didn’t have time to protest before the two of you were off into the city. He gave you the choice for lunch, picking a taco stand near some shops because you felt guilty for him paying for everything. He would not let you bring out your wallet and even threatened to throw it out the window if you tried to spend your money. The gesture was sweet, but his seriousness made you tuck it safety away in your pocket.

Once you found a dress shop you were comfortable entering, you both entered and looked around before one of the staff took you away while the other walked Haechan around and helped him pick out dresses for you to try on. Once he found a couple different options, you tried them on and the both of you settled on your favorite pick for the first dress that you’d wear to the ceremony. Since the reception was going to be later in the night, Haechan opted for a different dress that was more covering so that you wouldn’t be so cold. When you came out in the second dress that he himself specifically picked, you almost felt too nervous to meet his gaze.

When he turned around from talking to a staff member, he visibly froze when his eyes met with yours. Panic starts to rush through your veins as you pull and fluff the dress in hopes that you don’t look like a total fool. “So, how does it look?” Haechan didn’t say anything for almost two minutes, staring at you with his mouth open. You snap your fingers at him, face turning read as the staff members smile lovingly at you both. “Sorry, I uh, wow.” You look at him dumbfounded, turning around to go back and change out of the dress. Just before you close the curtain, you could feel the warmth from his fingers wrap around your wrist and turn you around. “Breathtaking, to answer your question, you look absolutely breathtaking.”

“I meant the dress.” You mumble as you try to avoid his gaze. “The dress is just a piece of fabric, it’s the person wearing it that gives it such glow.” You couldn’t think straight, your mind going to mush with the lack of space between you and Haechan, the sudden smell of his cologne taking over your senses and his blown-out pupils making you feel almost dizzy. You nod, swallowing thickly as you pull yourself from his grasp and rush into the changing area. Embarrassing is what you’d call that, way too embarrassing to talk about and way too embarrassing to not forget. You opt to pretend it didn’t happen and get dressed. When you hang the dresses on the outer rack, you realize the dress Haechan picked didn’t have any coverage on the shoulders and by time you had gotten dressed, you saw him at the register.

“Where’s the dresses?” You ask, meeting him by his side when he gets his receipt from the cashier. “They’re bagging them up now, why?”

“The second one didn’t have sleeves, you wanted sleeves so I don’t get cold, no?” To see the smile on his face made you confused, there wasn’t anything particular that was funny nor did you say anything for him to be smiling like he just found a million dollars. “I only want you by my side in that dress, the rest doesn’t matter.” You snicker, shoving him as one of the staff members calls his name. He walks over, getting both dresses in their boxes and some simple instructions on how to take care of them in washing. “You two are a beautiful couple.” The cashier’s voice caught you off guard, waving your hands as you shake your head.

“No, you’re mistaken, we’re not together.” Her eyes flicker between you and Haechan, smiling as she looks away embarrassed. “Oh, I’m sorry, I just thought because of the way you two look at one another.” You were just about to ask her what she meant by that when Haechan came back. “Ready to go?” You nodded, following him out the store and back to his car where you two drove in silence back to your job.

He bid you a goodbye and told you he’d keep the dresses till you came by to get them. You promised him you’d be by after work and went back into the building with the biggest smile on your face. With the flowers in one hand, you scanned your ID badge when you entered the building and saw a bunch of weird states from your coworkers. You wouldn’t necessarily call the weird, but they were all smiling at you so sickly that you felt as if you were about to get pranked.

The ride up the elevator was also weird, a bunch of people kept giggling and smiling at you when asking about your flowers and it was starting to make you uncomfortable. As you got off on your floor, you walk down to get to your desk when someone grabs you and drags you into a janitor’s closet. You nearly scream when being jerked to the side until you see Karina with a shit-eating grin on her face. Now that you know you weren’t about to be chopped up into little pieces, you steady yourself and take deep breaths to catch your breath. “You’re fucking insane.”

Staring at her in shock, you slap her thigh to which she winces. “Me, insane? You just drug me into a closet like a psycho maniac and for what?” She giggles into her hand, leaning forward as she sniffs your flowers. “So he brought you fucking flowers girl? We were just talking about him and he shows up with a bouquet and a ring?”

You roll your eyes at her emphasis on a ring. “What ring, we literally—wait firstly who told you he brought me flowers?” She then proceeds to explain how Winter saw you and Haechan and then told Ningning who then told Wendy who then told Taeyong who then told Jaehyun who then told literally everyone. You make another mental note to hunt Jaehyun down and ruin his chance at having kids. “So spill the tea, c’mon, don’t be shy and tell me about your date.”

“It wasn’t a date, he took me to lunch which he wouldn’t let me pay for I might add, he brought me dresses for the wedding he coerced me to be his date for and then drove me back.” She holds her hand over her mouth as she stares at you with a smile. “So he took you on a date.” You then slap her thigh again as she giggles and an unfamiliar smell catches your attention. “What’s that smell?” She looks at you, considering what smell you could be talking about. You lean in, getting a good look at her to realize her hair had been messed with, her lips slightly swollen and her shirt was buttoned wrongly.

You give her a grin as she sees you connect the dots and immediately opens the door. “Oh no, come back and do spill the tea miss Karina!” She covers her ears, trying to block you out as you follow behind her and start pointing out the differences of her appearance from before you last saw her.

Later that night, you kept your promise to go over to Haechan’s, but only after you had taken a very much needed shower did you do so. When you knocked on his door, you could hear the music that was being played stop and a bit of shuffling before the door opened. You expected to see Haechan, but to your surprise you saw someone you weren’t exactly familiar with. The guy who was giving you a weird look was his honestly kind of cute in an intimidating way, but you stopped yourself from thinking that any further than you already did. “Are you gonna say something or are you just gonna stare at me?”

Embarrassed, you avert your eyes from his and try to think of something to say. You don’t know why you feel so under pressure, maybe it was the lack of expression in his face or the fact that he was practically your height, but made you feel small. “Renjun, was that the pizza guy?” You could hear Haechan from inside the apartment, his voice bringing a smile to your lips. Just as you’re about to go back into your apartment and give up on getting your dresses, Haechan comes beside to the boy you assume is Renjun and sees your visible uncomfortableness. “Y/n, hi- oh shit I forgot to give you your dresses, didn’t I?”

“No, no actually I was supposed to come get them, but that’s okay I’m just gonna uhm I’m gonna go home.” Backing away from the door, you signal to your apartment entrance behind you as you see Haechan pout. “Wait, why don’t you come inside and hang out with us?” Haechan, who slipped through the space between Renjun and the wall, made his way to you in hopes to stop you from leaving. Your eyes flicker between Renjun and Haechan, feeling almost guilty for wanting to remove yourself from this awkward situation. “Hyuck, I’m just across the hall, go have time with your friend.”

Haechan’s face softened at the nickname, nodding when his hand brushed against yours. He clears his throat as he steps back towards his apartment, waving at you goodnight as you go back in to snuggle up to your cat. Haechan re-entered his apartment, ignoring the look on Renjun’s face as he plops down on his couch. “What was that and why was that so weird?” Haechan shot a look over at Renjun when his friend started to mirror the look.

“What, I mean from what I just saw from you two, y’all have some weird tension that needs to be solved.”

“Nah, you just scared her away by being that ugly.”

Renjun sarcastically laughs at Haechan’s poorly made joke, flipping up his middle finger at his friend. “I have you know that women find me dangerously attractive.” Haechan snickers, trying to prevent himself from laughing too hard. “Is that what your mom tells you at night?” The last part is what lead Haechan to run for his life around his apartment as Renjun brought various objects for use of a weapon against his friend. Finally after the two made a truce, Haechan decides to text you after remembering how he never did give you his number.

You were a little surprised to get a text when you weren’t expecting one, especially at the hour that it came in. You had been on the phone with Karina while she filled you in on the reason for her shirt being undone and messed up earlier that day. “I literally don’t know what came over me, but I messaged the guy and he ended up being around and we just pounced.”

You laugh, clicking on the message app. “I can’t believe you nearly gave it all to Yangyang.” She laughs, wiping the tears that were in the corners of her eyes from all the giggling you two have been doing. “Me either! I mean I know he’s cute, but damn his lips are magic.” You hesitate to open the unknown message, afraid it could bad someone trying to scam you out of whatever you got and to be honest it wasn’t much, but you knew you wouldn’t let them have your cat peanut.

unknown: hey

y/n: uhm hello?

unknown: I miss u

y/n: I will literally block you

unknown: ITS ME ITS HAECHAN

y/n: ohh hi hyuck

You decide change his contact name and save his number.

boy next door aka hyuck: wyd :p

y/n: blocking you bc that was cringe

boy next door aka hyuck: you want me so bad oo 😵‍💫

y/n: don’t you wish I did 😏

boy next door aka hyuck: yes

y/n: I’m telling my fbi agent

boy next door aka hyuck: tell them I said i just wanted to text you so you’ll have my number

boy next door aka hyuck: and to apologize for Renjun earlier but goodnight for now

y/n: goodnight hyuck

boy next door aka hyuck: goodnight y/n

The rest of the week and a half that played out before the wedding only added more fuel to the fire in your heart that burned for Haechan. He would send you songs throughout the day at random times to which you started adding to a playlist anytime you couldn’t stop thinking about him. He would leave things at your doorstep or drop stuff off at your job for you to get on your lunch break. He occasionally would come over or you’d be invited over and the two of you would spend the night laughing at poorly made moves, singing old Michael Jackson songs at the top of your lungs, which is how you realized that he was literally gifted the voice of an angel, and play board games after the two of you had one too many drinks.

Each time you two were alone and it was late, it always seemed that you were avoiding the inevitable. You could always stop yourself from leaning in and stealing a kiss from his plump and precious lips, but that never stopped your mind from thinking about it. The tension that Renjun mentioned before seemed to only get thicker the more you spent time with him, making it harder to see the line between this all being fake and what was genuinely real.

The morning of the wedding to be specific was when you could clearly tell that the dynamic of your relationship had shifted and there wasn’t much room to turn back now. That alone terrified you because you weren’t sure if you had been the only one feeling the way you felt. You had changed into your dress and made sure to apply minimal makeup to keep yourself from looking like a burnt out clown by the end of the night. Thankfully for you, the dress was comfortable and the venue where the ceremony was being held wasn’t too far.

“Are you nervous?” Your question came unexpected to Haechan, turning his head to give you a quick glance over as he continued his drive to the ceremony venue. “Why should I be, I’m not the one getting married.” He smiled thinking about his friend and the future he was creating from this day forward. Haechan was genuinely excited to see Johnny become a dad and do all the things he knew he was fit for. It wasn’t like Haechan was scared for that part of his future, he did look forward to being married and settling down with his partner, but he never thought he’d actually get that far in life to do so.

“Dunno, just thought I’d ask.” You lean against the window, propped up on your elbow as you watch the buildings pass by. Haechan reached over, grabbing your free hand and intertwined his fingers within yours. A lot of the time he would do this and each time it felt so comforting that silence would take over and all that could be heard was the music that was being washed out by the beating of your heart for him.

You must’ve zoned out because by the time you tuned back in, Haechan was parking the car at the front of the building and waiting for you to realize you had arrived. You got out the car, instantly smelling the salty ocean air beige meeting him around the front of the car and bring your hands up to straighten his bow tie. He smiles down at you, shoving his hands into his pockets as you brush off his tuxedo and fiddle with his hair. You give him a puzzled look, watching as he shook his head and mumbled something along the lines about ‘that was cute’.

The two of you entered the building, you turn to glance back at the beach that looked so relaxing before linking your arm with his. A few people come up to Haechan and you, introducing themselves and complementing the two of you as a couple. You stayed quiet for most of the time, not exactly knowing what to say and Haechan didn’t seem that interested in the people as well. You spot someone familiar, well he’s not exactly familiar, but you had seen him before. The boy with blue hair makes his way over, you choose to step aside and watch as he hugs Haechan as the two smile and pat one another on the back.

“Dude it’s been so long, what’s going on?” After hugging Haechan, the boy you try to remember that is Mark, straightens out his tux, but never falters his smile. “I‘be been busy with work and oh- I want you to meet someone.” To be honest, you weren’t really paying attention when Haechan started walking over to you. His warm hand lifted yours and the sweet look in his eyes made your cheeks feel warm. “This is my girlfriend y/n, y/n this is my best friend Mark.”

You go in to shake his hand, surprised when he pulled you into a hug. “It’s nice to finally meet you, y/n, lover boy over here has literally been talking nonstop about you.” You smile, watching as Haechan mouths to you that he’s going to find your seats. After mark pulls back, the two of you chat a little by the same area, occasionally looking around for Haechan to find him talking to who you assume is his friends. “You know, you’re really good for him.” Marks words had you almost taken aback, turning your head to see him smiling. “At first, I was pretty hesitant because when he told me he had a girlfriend I didn’t believe him, but I’ve seen how happy he’s been and I can’t wait for us to meet again like this, it’s been a pleasure to meet you.”

“Meet like this again?” Mark look slightly embarrassed that you didn’t catch on, but he was being called by his date for the evening so he started to make his way off.

After the ceremony was over, everyone started to move towards the venue for the rest of the evening to conclude. A lot of people were left in tears, yourself included, by the vows exchanged between Johnny and his now wife.

When the two of you enter the venue, an overwhelming feeling washes over you and makes you grip his hand a little tighter. Haechan seems to notice, giving your hand a gentle squeeze as he guides you through the crowd of people who grouped around the entrance. Once he finds quieter space to pull you two, you were too spaced out to realize how close he had gotten. Both of his hands were on your shoulders, rubbing softly on the exposed skin to calm you.

“Hey, you’re gonna be okay, I’m right here y/n.” His voice brings you in from your thoughts, focusing on in the look in his eyes and how soft his features are in this moment. With a little nod, you let him know you’re with him and he smiles as you pull one of his hands from your shoulder and intertwine your fingers. He takes this opportunity to lead you towards your table where some of his friends you met earlier were seated. You immediately spot Karina and Yangyang at the mini bar just further down from the table and gave Yangyang a wave as he spots you and Haechan.

Haechan’s hand finds its way into the small of your back, immediately getting your attention as you turn your head towards him. “I’m gonna go get us something to drink.” He says, just loud enough to be heard over the music. You nod, standing behind your chair as you look over to the stage. Johnny walks up with the widest smile you’ve seen him sport since he kissed his bride and taps on the microphone a couple times. “Can I have everyone’s attention? Hello, everyone look up here.” Everyone goes quiet and the musics volume is lowered as Johnny looks over at the crowd. “I want to thank everyone coming out to celebrate me and my lovely wife coming together, this first dance will go out to all the new and older couples that are here, please join us in this dance to celebrate love that’s everlasting.”

Just as Johnny raises his glass, Haechan comes back and hands you your drink. You smiled as you took the glass from him and took a sip as the crowd raised theirs with Johnny. Just as Johnny gets off the stage, couples all start to make their way to the dance floor as Johnny gets to his wife and meets her in the middle. “We should go dance.” Surprised, you set your glass down and give Haechan a puzzled look. “Dance? But I don’t know how to dance and this is a couples dance.” He doesn’t take no for an answer, grabbing your hand and pulling you to follow him. “We are a couple.” You can’t exactly tell if he’s still going along with the fake dating charade for his friends or if the light in his eyes was genuine.

It doesn’t take much for you to give in, especially when the most romantic song Dandelions starts to play. Once he found a moveable spot on the floor, his hands circle around to your back and pull you in close. Your hands rest on his shoulders as you try not to make too much eye contact with him inches away from your face. “You’re so beautiful, y/n.” You could feel your cheeks heating up, trying to hide your face from him as you clear your throat. “Likewise, hyuck.”

“Just likewise?” When you turned your head to face his, he seemed a lot closer than you remembered and for some reason that terrified you and relaxed you at the same time. “I mean you are beautiful, very handsome and whatnot.” He laughs and the sound goes straight to your heart. You knew before you gotten to this point that falling for him would be so easy and so hard, but never did you expect for it to be this gentle. “I’m glad you think so, that alone gives me enough confidence to do what I’ve been dying to do.” You tilt your head at his sudden confession, watching as he leaned in and rested his head against yours.

You didn’t know what to do or even what to say, instead you opted to stay quiet and continue to hold him as the two of you danced. Somewhere between the end of Dandelions and the beginning of Golden Hour, your head was now resting against his chest and the two of you were lost in your own world. Haechan brought his hand up to your chin, gently lifting your head up. You blink at him, caught up in the music and the moment, not realizing what was about to happen nor did you want it to stop.

Haechan leaned in, pressing his lips to yours in a soft kiss. Your heart was beating out of your chest as you wrap your arms around his neck and pull him further in. Your brain turned into mush and your body felt like it was on fire as the two of you were caught up in a slow and almost loving kiss on the dance floor. Haechan was the first to pull away, resting his forehead against yours as he catches his breath. You continued to sway with him, moving back and forth as you build up the courage to ask the question you’ve been dying for an answer to. “Will you be my girlfriend, like a real one this time?” Pulling back, you smile at Haechan who looks almost panicked.

“Because if not that’s okay too- like you don’t have to we can totally forg—“ You cut him off by pulling him back in for a kiss. He smiles against your lips, giving your hip a playful squeeze. Once the two of you pull back from one another’s lips, Haechan smiles which turns into a soft string of laughs. “What’s so funny, it’s not exactly polite to laugh after kissing a girl you know.” He tries to explain, failing to when he continues laughing. “Aren’t you glad you got a free trial?” You give him a puzzled look, watching as he steps back from you and spins around on his heel. “Free trial wedding style.”

You couldn’t stop yourself from laughing at the way he poorly described your fake relationship from the beginning, but he had a point. You look back and now thank the universe for bringing him into your life and can’t wait to see what it’ll be like from here on out. Who knows, maybe the next wedding you’ll be at will be yours.

©︎𝐋𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐍., 2022

[softsan]

˚ 🥀⊹ 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐋, 𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐇𝐈𝐌 𝐒𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐄. (𝐩𝐭.𝟏)

✉️ ・ 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭.

✉️ ・ ── 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬: | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 |

✉️ ・ ── 𝐦𝐚𝐟𝐢𝐚 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐬 | 𝐲/𝐧'𝐬 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬

✉️ ・ ── 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: Mafia AU, Angst, Kingpin!Taeyong, Queenpin!Y/N, Fem!Reader, Childhood friends, Betrayal, Enemies to lovers, Eventual Smut. ✉️ ・ ── 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧:  You were the only surviving heir of the old-time Mafia kingpin that had ruled the four territories. You were long thought to be dead, living the normal life you had always wanted...Until you run into a Taeyong, a formidable ghost from your past. You are then thrown back into the Mafia underbelly, reuniting with enemies you had hoped had forgotten you. Will you run away? Will you stand beside Taeyong, kingpin of the North, and be his queen? Or will you take your rightful revenge.

✉️ ・ ── 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Possessive Themes, Future Explicit Sexual Content, Murder, Kidnapping, Strangulation, Torture, Weapons, Graphic Violence, Heavy Angst, Explicit Language, Alcohol Consumption, Mentions of Drugs, Betrayal, Morally Grey Characters.

✉️ ・ ── 𝐨𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭.

Past. 

You felt all the air leave your lungs, your chest constricting as you tried to gasp for just one more breath. You heard the patter of your blood as it hit the hardwood floors.

“Y/N,” His desperate eyes plead. 

“What did you do to her?!” Your brother demanded, yanking against the chains that were secured around his wrists. 

“Good catch Taeyong!” One of your captors clapped his hand on Taeyong’s back.

You tried to lift your shoulders, but they refused to support the weight of your head. You were but a lifeless heap, carelessly discarded and left to slowly bleed out on the ground. The man’s sickening laughter echoed throughout the room, filling what was left of your heart with dread.  

“Do it,” His voice urged, “Kill her now.”

Present.

“Today will be different,” You stared at yourself in the mirror, “Today I will smile, and I’ll mean it.” Your eyes circled down to your neck, your confidence waning. 

“Come on!” Your roommate urged, “You can say it better than that.” 

Your shoulders slumped in defeat, “You make me say the same thing at the start of every semester.”

Your roommate clicked her tongue, looking up from her phone. “And I believe this semester is going to be fucking fantastic.” She pointed at your white dress that cut just above the knees. “Look, we’re both looking cuter than ever. We have a new apartment,” She pointed to the living room’s ceiling to exaggerate her point. “This is our second year at college, and you, my friend, are going to put yourself out there.”

You shook your head in dread. “I thought we agreed that in this household, you can be the party fiend, and I’ll be the one that spends her nights binging TV shows on Netflix.”

Your roommate Jen threw you a dirty look.

“Hey! Who else is going to keep the universe in balance.”

Your roommate rolled her eyes. “The world is not going to stop spinning on its axis if you go out once in a while.”

“I highly doubt that.” You mutter to yourself, earning a playful hit from your dear roommate.

You and your roommate Jennifer had been cohabitating with one another since you were both seventeen. Back then, it had been a struggle to find someone willing to share a space with a teenager. That coupled with the awful reputation your foster father and sister had garner for themselves, you weren’t exactly considered an ideal house mate. However, to your pleasant surprise Jen was equally in need of someone to cover half of her rent. 

You had somewhat known about Jen prior to living with her. She had been quite popular at your school, the social butterfly. Admittedly, you were a little suprised to hear she like you, had moved out on her own, yet you never pried. 

Despite, her cheerful demeanor, you sensed a sadness akin to your own. You were both content pretending the other didn’t have secrets they’d buried deep inside their pasts. 

The day had been too long, and the sight of a setting sun was a welcome one. A picturesque scene of pink and oranges painted the skies which backdropped Taeyong’s beloved city. 

“Let’s get a drink to cool down,” Johnny piped, securing his gun back in his trousers.

Mark looked over disapprovingly, “You know you should really invest in a holster.”

“Not a chance!” Johnny grinned, “Taeil will flip if I make another extravagant purchase this month.” 

Taeyong slightly shook his head, half-heartedly smiling. Taeil, his consigliere had only gotten on Johnny’s case after he bought two restaurants and three record stores on a whim. Johnny simply was dead set on never purchasing himself a holster.  

Mark discerning Johnny’s lame excuse, decided to play along, “If you’re tight on money, why don’t we drink at the crappy-looking place.” He pointed to a shabby, bar with rusted molding at the end of the street. 

Taeyong grimaced, he didn’t like spending too much time in disputed territory. The street they were standing on fell in a grey area, both claimed by him, the King of the North, and the terrible Black Crow of the West. 

“We should head back closer to base,” Renjun cut in, noticing Taeyong’s hesitancy.  

Taeyong had his own bars and hotels where he could drink and dine with complete ease. He saw no need to do so here. 

“Let’s do it,” Johnny exclaimed, pulling a protesting Renjun into a friendly headlock.

“It’ll be fine,” Mark reassured, nudging Taeyong’s shoulder. “Nobody’s that stupid to take on all four of us.”

“I’m here! I’m here!” You breathlessly apologized to your manager, reaching for a bar apron.

“It’s fine,” He assured, handing you a docket, “First day back?” 

You nodded, trying to catch your breath “It’s the first day, and I feel like I’m already behind on all of my classes.” 

“Well, tonight should be pretty standard for a weekday.” He commented, his eyes scanning the empty tables, “I’ll be up upstairs talking to a supplier but, give me a wave if you need me.” 

“Will do.” It wasn’t uncommon for you to be working the bar alone.

The 'Old Sand Bucket' where you worked was certainly past its prime. Its interior was outdated, half of the bar stools wobbled, and even the bar counter was unleveled. It just wasn’t a place that attracted a surplus of people. 

You pulled your first load of wine glasses from the dishwasher, lifting them into the bar to be polished.

The door to the bar chimed, “Welcome to the Old Sand Bucket.” You said, without looking upward. “What can I get you?”

Taeyong gave the bar a lengthy overview. It didn’t appear to be suspicious, just the opposite. The dated bar was completely unoccupied beside the humming bartender who was mindlessly polishing wine glasses.

He examined you like the rest, evaluating the level of threat you were. Your head stayed down, occupied with your task. You barely spared a glance at his boys, who began ordering drinks.

You wore a simple black shirt underneath a bar apron with the ‘Old Sand Bucket’ labeled on its front. Your hair was tied in a low ponytail, revealing the curvature of your neck. At its base was a silky black ribbon knotted in a neat bow. Other than being pretty, you didn’t appear to stand out. 

Taeyong hummed, satisfied the bar his boys wanted to drink at was nothing more than a dinky, uninspired establishment.

You heard another person pull out a wonky barstool, which made four people in your bar. Not bad, as you usually didn’t have customers come in until half past nine. 

You placed down a bourbon and coke to your left—a man’s voice offering you a quick thanks.

“What can I get you?” You asked, finally looking up at the last man.

“Whatever’s good.”

Your eyes widened, blinking repeatedly, willing the ghost of your past to disappear back to your nightmares.

This can’t be real. This can’t be him. Please. No.

But he didn’t. He sat in front of you. His bored expression faded as he caught you staring. You immediately dropped your face, your face burning.

Taeyong furrowed his brows, confused. The way you looked at him just then… It was as if you knew him. He wasn’t mistaken. He couldn’t be. The way you were mumbling your answers, your arms shaking as you reached to pour a shot of vodka.

You did the best you could to keep a low profile, keeping your face down, and distracting yourself with work around the bar. You wanted nothing more than to abandon your shift— your heart furiously pounding every time you heard one of their four voices address you. However, at around eleven there was an unusual influx of people (what you believed to be a bachelor’s night out), therefore you needed to power through your discomfort. 

You wavered for your manager to join you downstairs, while you stepped out of the bar and started clearing tables. 

Taeyong kept you in the corner of his eye, unable to shake the curiosity that brewed in his stomach.

“Give us a smile, love,” Slurred one of the drunken bachelors, who had stripped off his shoes and was now wearing one on his head. 

You complied, in order not to make a scene. You reached over his table to pick up one of the empty pints. You felt the irksome feeling of fingers brushing against your neck. You jumped back, dropping your tray. Your hands immediately shot to your neck, clasping where your black ribbon ought to be. 

The shattering of glass made Taeyong stand, interrupting Renjun mid-sentence. Your eyes were aflame with anger, your mouth parting in horror. You were trying desperately to conceal the base of your neck.

Without a second thought, Taeyong approached, pulling the drunken patron up by his wrinkled collar. The man began sloppily flailing, trying to make his pathetic getaway. 

Taeyong snatched the black ribbon out of his hand, before not so gently throwing him to the ground.

“I believe this belongs to you.” Taeyong stepped forward, extending his arm in your direction. 

You instinctively stepped back, your eyes narrowing on the black ribbon between his fingers. There was no way for you to reach for your ribbon without exposing your neck.

“You keep it.” You said as firmly as you could, turning your back to him.

He watched as you retreated to one of the back rooms, his interest in you only spiking.

You hid yourself in one of the alcohol storerooms, searching for something to cover up your neck. You resorted to some paper towels stained with raspberry syrup. It wasn’t one of your greatest ideas, but it seemed to work when your manager came bursting in.

“Where’d you go?” Your manager pressed, “You left broken glass for me to clean up by table fourteen.” 

"It accidently lock myself in the storage rooms again.” You lied.

Your manager sighed, ushering you out.

You did a quick scan of the bar, noticing the four men had since left. 

“What happened to you?” Your manager pointed to the paper towels and raspberry syrup. 

“Ah,” You pressed the wet paper harder against your neck, “A customer spilled a drink all over me.” 

Your manager shook his head, “Go home and clean up,” He signaled you to grab your things, “I’ll close up,”

Scattered, you thanked him and reached for your rucksack.

“Wait,” Your manager handed you an envelope, “Some guy left you a tip.” 

Who gives a tip in an envelope? You eyed it cautiously. 

You waited until you had turned a corner before you used your fingernail to pry apart the sealed envelope.

Inside was a one-hundred-dollar bill, your black ribbon, and a napkin that read 'Thanks for your service’. 

Taeyong kept his distance, hiding in the shadows. He watched you leave the bar, with your hand holding some paper towels to your neck. You use the other hand to tear open the envelope he’d left for you.

To his surprise, you barely acknowledged the bill—you were more interested in the black ribbon and the napkin. You stared at the napkin for a couple of minutes, your teeth grinding. You then scrunched it into a ball, throwing it onto the sidewalk with the envelope containing the hundred. You, however, kept the black ribbon.

Taeyong observed you as you slowly pulled the paper towels away, revealing a dark scar that wrapped around your neck... It was as if someone had strangled you with barbed wire. 

A flood of emotions went through him, sympathy, guilt, and finally, coldness. He couldn’t help but remember a young girl who had experienced a similar fate.

You had died many years ago. Or at least he thought so…

NETWORKS: -​

MONI’S NOTE: Woah! I cannot express how excited I am to dive back into this world. For those who don't know, this is an old fic of mine that I wrote like 5 years?! ago. I've decided to rework it and improve the story (also finally give it an ending). I would much appreciate your thoughts, comments, reblogs and likes are extremely valued.

TAGLIST: Let me know if you'd like to be added to this taglist!

© softsan - all rights reserved. please do not repost on any social media sites, translate, or modify any of my works.

[lebrookestore]

sixteen | l.dh [part ii]

Pairing: Lee Donghyuck x reader

Themes: strangers to lovers, highschool! au, coming of age, lovers to exes, exes to lovers to ??, producer! donghyuck (very lightly explored), roommates! au but with a twist, second chance romance, slowburn, angst, fluff, romance, PG 15. (moodboards: i | ii)

Warnings: profanity, heavy ANGST, kissing, food, underage alcohol consumption and alcohol consumption in general, drug use, smoking (vaping, cigarettes and weed consumptions), crude humour, teenagers doing dumb shit as teenagers do, cheating, betrayal.

Word count: 21.6k

Summary: Youth is always accompanied with a fragile glimmer of hope, with you and Donghyuck viewing the world through the rosiest of glasses. But as the ephemeral days of teenage foolishness bleed into the harshness of adulthood, the rosy hue begins to diminish, and you learn that for some people, it just isn’t meant to be.

Playlist: here 

Notes from brooke: here it is!! the second and final part of this fic that has taken me a whole year to write and i'm as proud of it as I am nervous to put out the rest of it here for all of you. as always, feedback would be much appreciated<3

➳ read part i here!!

vii] now.

The aroma of coffee beans being ground wafted through the air, somehow managing to brighten your foul mood. You had never been much of a morning person and could barely start your day without some form of caffeine in your system. On most days, you made your coffee at home before setting out to work, but today you wanted to treat yourself a little bit, and what better way than to put your money towards something practical? 

(This was a hundred percent your attempt at trying to convince yourself the overpriced eight dollar coffee you had just ordered was worth it.)

“Iced Latte for Y/n?”

You got up from the stool you had occupied, making your way over to the counter and barista who had called for you. In another life, you would be one of those cool working ladies who managed to down americanos without flinching, but in this one you were quite content with the milky sweet goodness of a latte. You handed over the money you owed and lifted the straw to your lips, sighing in happiness as soon as the drink hit your tastebuds. 

“Hey, I had placed my order…” A man's voice startled you, but it wasn’t the abruptness that caught you off guard- that was pretty typical for a busy Tuesday morning in New York- but rather the familiarity of it as it trailed off. You spun on your heel quickly, coming face to face with a rather dumbfounded looking Donghyuck. 

You stared at him, lips parting in surprise at his presence there. The barista behind cleared her throat expectantly, waiting for Donghyuck to reiterate his drink order.

He snapped out of the initial shock of seeing you at that. “Right, sorry. I had asked for a caramel frappe about ten minutes ago?” Of course he still had the same order from when you were teenagers, one that was much sweeter than yours. 

“Oh yes, it's ready. Sorry for the delay sir!” Her cheery voice rang out as she held out the drink.

You were still rooted to the spot in front of him.

He pressed his lips together, cocking his head to the side to silently motion towards the counter, signalling that you were currently in his way. “Uh.”

“Oh.” You stepped out of the line, feeling embarrassment quickly creep up upon you for your slowness right then. He grabbed his drink, and moved out of the way for the next person as well, stopping before you for a second, eyes lingering on your face as if trying to read your expression, gauging whether he should say something or not.

Terribly self conscious, you took another sip of the latte you held, though it did nothing to soothe your frayed nerves. He sighed softly, seemingly deciding that doing nothing was for the best, and walked away.

What were the odds of you running into him like this? You had banked on only having to see him when Yeonmi had him over, but now you realised that was incredibly naive of you, since run ins were bound to happen from time to time. It seemed that your naivety from your youth hadn’t quite run out yet.

Often, you thought about how you had been so quick to shut down his pleas to talk about things with you that one movie night, how defensive you had been from the get go. He had done his best to be cautious while approaching the topic, as if he had seen the mental caution tape you had wrapped around your heart when it came to him, but you had been so afraid.

Afraid that whatever explanation he provided you with wouldn’t be sufficient to heal the would he had inflicted. Afraid that if you even began to let him in, you’d forgive him immediately and feel pathetic about dismissing the part of you that was so angry at being left behind without so much as a goodbye. 

But as you watched him walk away and to the door of the cafe, you couldn’t help but wonder why you didn’t let him speak. 

Wasn’t closure something everyone wanted and deserved? You more than anyone knew this and maybe that's what you would have gotten if you hadn’t been so stubborn that night.

Your legs moved on their own, carrying you towards his departing figure. “Wait!”

He stilled, turning around slowly to make sure it was him you were talking to, which was a surprise in itself to him. You bit down on your lower lip, scrambling to find the words you needed to communicate with him. 

“Do you have a few minutes?”

His gaze softened the way it used to when it came to you and he nodded. “I can make time.”

You glanced down at your watch, grateful for actually having one sitting on your wrist. In truth, you had only bought it after noting how almost everyone in your workplace wore one. It didn’t seem professional to constantly be checking your phone for the time, but you did it anyway, leaving the watch to be just another accessory you donned. 

Right now, its utility made itself known. 8:00 am. “I have to be in office in an hour,” you informed him. “So I can’t stay long but….we can talk?” You mentally winced at how you ended what you had hoped to be a confident statement as a question. 

“I’d like that.”

The two of you made your way to a small table in the back, sitting opposite each other. You were grateful for the window on your left, which served as a good distraction from the man in front of you. Cars whizzed by on the busy NYC streets, painting the scene in a blur of reds and yellows against the grey concrete background. 

He tapped his fingers against the table periodically, the rhythm finally giving you the courage you needed to begin.

“You were right,” you said finally, desperately searching for the words to appropriately approach the topic at hand. “We do need to talk. I should have listened.”

“It’s okay, I should have approached it differently considering,” he paused, mulling over what he was about to say, not wanting to be insensitive but also not wanting to underplay the severity of what you felt. “Well, everything.” 

“It’s fine.”

Clearly, this was going nowhere and was getting increasingly more uncomfortable with every passing minute. You should have just let him leave instead of heeding to your intrusive thoughts and going after him, you should have watched him walk away and bit down your tongue in regret later on in the privacy of your room. 

It was as if he had sensed your trepidation and decided to put you out of your misery. “How are you?”

Small talk. Right. You could do that. 

“Good, good,” you had no idea why you said it twice. “Mostly just busy with work and you know, adulting. You?” 

“Pretty much the same, work.” He smiled softly at you, and you wondered how he somehow still made that feel like a reward for you, how something as simple as that could have a deceitful warmth bubbling in the pit of your stomach. “I have to get to the studio in a bit.”

“Studio?”

“I’m a music producer,” he clarified, and the conversation was almost too reminiscent of his date with Yeonmi, except a little more meaningful this time. A certain sense of shyness washed over him at telling you what he did for work, because although he was extremely proud of his job, your opinion of it mattered to him more than anyone else's ever could. 

“That's amazing! Do you like, get to meet famous people?” Your reaction was genuine, just as you had always been with him. You had once been the only person he thought believed in him. He could see the fraction of joy that sparked in your expression, truly happy on hearing this news.

He chuckled and nodded, “Yeah, I do. There are a couple of them I regularly work with.” It wasn’t in his nature to brag, but the starstruck look that appeared in your eyes made it worth it for once. 

“Wow,” you mumbled, fiddling with the straw in your drink. “I just work in HR.” Your life felt awfully boring in comparison to him, but then again, that was a feeling you had made your peace with a long time ago. He had always been the more interesting, more magnetic person from the two of you- or perhaps from everyone in general. A stranger could take a look at him and know that he was made to walk a path different and more vibrant than most. 

An awkward silence settled after that, only succeeding in increasing your anxiety levels. Pleasantries were over, so where the hell were you supposed to go from there?

“I didn’t know Yeonmi was your roommate,” he said quietly, not looking at you. “I’m sorry for the position I’ve put you in, I promise you it wasn’t intentional.”

“I never thought it was,” you assured him. “I didn’t think it was you she was talking about either. This is just some sort of freak coincidence, I guess.” You hesitated for a moment, before deciding to not overthink anything having to do with the situation. There were so many questions left unanswered that you had no qualms with getting right to the point now that you could. “I don’t even care actually, I just want to know one thing.” 

The flippancy in your voice almost made him wince. “Anything.”

“Why did you do it?” 

And suddenly, Donghyuck felt as if he was back as his teenage self, staring at you through his younger self's perspective. He had been so unforgivingly impulsive at that age, and selfishly so, unable to put himself in anyone else's shoes. Of course, he had felt guilty for what he had done, to the point where he felt sick in the days that followed, but he had done it to protect himself from having to deal with your reaction to the news. News that had, back then, ruptured the little world of bliss he had cultivated with you by his side. 

How could he have explained anything back then anyway? He had always hidden that part of his life from you, the constant instability and fleeting nature that it possessed. Putting it together made it sound like a bad excuse, and you definitely did not deserve that.

 But he wasn’t an avoidant teenager anymore, and neither were you. What you deserved was the whole truth and nothing but that, and so he steeled himself, glancing at the clock on the wall behind you. 8:15 am. He didn’t really have much time, but he was going to do his best.

“I spent most of my childhood moving around from place to place. I think the longest I stayed in a town was two years at most, and for the longest time, I resented my mother for that.”

This was something you had waited for all your life, or at least, that was how you felt, and now you were finally going to get the explanation you had spent years trying to put together for a fickle sense of closure. Here you were, finally getting what you had spent birthday wishes and pennies down fountains for since you were sixteen, hoping and praying that it would happen for your sake. Here you were, getting it from your first love.

It was three in the morning and though the caffeine from your coffee had long since worn off, you found yourself lying in your bed wide awake. It had been a few hours of tossing and turning underneath your sheets, trying to find a position comfortable enough to succumb to sleep but evidently, seeing that you were now staring at your ceiling in frustration, had been wholly unsuccessful.

You were going to need an extra large cup of coffee to curb your inevitable grumpiness the next morning. A sigh left your lips as you threw your covers off, sitting up in your bed and taking in your room in the darkness, hoping you would feel the heaviness set in on your eyelids. When that didn’t happen, you swung your legs over the side and landed on the wooden floors, slipping your feet into your house slippers and opening your door as quietly as possible.

A glass of water should put everything right and curb your restlessness. Your optimism was admirable, if not downright stupid. The cause of your current state was fairly obvious.

So there you were, now holding an empty glass. You had finished your water, and didn’t feel any better, not wanting to go back to bed in the slightest. 

Donghyuck rippled through your mind, and you shut your eyes, trying to block him out. The sight of those sad eyes of his as he explained what really happened all those years ago had been imprinted in your mind, and it had left you with nothing but contempt.

You despised the childish reasoning that consumed the entire explanation, the way it felt like everything that had happened and what you felt had been so trivial and completely avoidable if he had just spoken to you. Eight years, that was how long you had waited just for it to feel as if he had just rubbed salt in your wounds, and you hated every second of it.

What you hated most though, was the way you completely understood why he did it.

The more you thought about what he told you, you couldn’t help but empathise with him. Sure, you wouldn’t have done what he did if you were in his position, but that was the thing, wasn’t it? You had never been in his position, and it was clear that his younger years had been scattered all over the place.

How could he have known any better when he too was learning how to navigate his emotions at that age? He was a child and you couldn’t hold anything against a child now that you were an adult.

I’m sorry.

Suddenly, why those had been the last thing he ever said to you made sense. He knew what he was doing and did it anyway. The burn that you felt every time you thought about it hadn’t subsided.

Your younger self was angry at how things had turned out, pissed at being left in the dark even if you understood why. You wanted so badly to hate him for what he had done to you, but no matter how hard you tried to push yourself to do so, you just couldn’t. Instead, another emotion lied in the place you tried so hard to fill with hate, and it scared you even more.

He had hurt you to such a colossal extent, and yet that little flame inside of you refused to be put out, or even have the mercy to dim itself for your sake. It flickered back to life the moment you set eyes on him again and you knew this to be true by the effect he still had on you.

You never stopped loving Donghyuck. You only started hurting, and let the pessimistic degree of that feeling drown out everything else.

“I should have handled it better,” his frustration with himself was clear by the way he exhaled agitatedly. “I know I was a dick to you, and I’ll never forgive myself for that. If I could go back and do it all again, I’d do it very differently, but I can’t.” He sounded pained, his sorrow cutting deep into your freshly reopened wounds and making you realise that he had hurt himself in the process of doing what he did. 

While you had been painstakingly stitching yourself back together after him, he had been doing the same, reaping what he had sown in your garden. He was as old as you had been, and emotions are often magnified in the melodrama of youth.

It didn’t feel like that magnification had dulled out though, the regret potent in his voice, matching your emotional state. 

“But if there's anything I can do now….I’ll do it in a heartbeat.”

You were drowning, sinking rapidly below the surface as the waves thrashed around you, unrelenting and ruthless. You gripped the cup in your hands, a warm pressure building behind your eyes, making you feel even more miserable than you already were. The realisation of your present feelings overwhelmed you, and you crumbled against the counter, letting yourself lean against the cupboards as you settled on the floor.

He’d do anything for you. He said it himself.

So then…would he…?

A choked sound escaped your throat- something that sounded like a cross between a bitter laugh and a sob. You were deplorable, truly, for even letting the thought cross your mind, but god.

Would he end things with Yeonmi for your sake?

The topic of your roommate hadn’t been brought up during your chat, the two of you skirting around the topic for all you were worth. It felt like taboo, and although it was probably something worth mentioning, you were glad you hadn’t needed to deal with it just yet. You held so much love for Yeonmi, but right then she seemed like more of an obstacle than anything else. 

But if she knew the truth and Donghyuck and you, wouldn’t she think the same? She had done nothing wrong, so you were the problem here. You were the obstacle you had never signed up to be.

The question sat heavy upon your tongue, and you so desperately wanted to ask it.

You couldn’t do that to your friend, you would never. She hadn’t been this happy with someone since her sorry excuse of an ex broke her spirit, and you couldn’t bear to be the one to take that away from her. You couldn’t, even if it meant that it broke you, because goddamnit you were still irrevocably in love with Lee Donghyuck.

And all you wanted to do was hate him. 

viii] then.

Donghyuck’s room was much planer than yours, with just a clock hanging on one of its walls. A keyboard in one corner of the room and a guitar leaning against the side of his closet, you supposed that he hadn’t had much time to put too much thought into decorating just yet.

“You can put up posters of all those bands you keep talking about,” you suggested, running your fingers through his hair. You were sitting on his bed, leaning against the headboard with him lying in between your legs, looking up at you fondly 

Your boyfriend frowned lightly, “Too much effort.”

You rolled your eyes, “You’re just lazy. I can help you, you know. We could go print the posters after school.” Your enthusiasm was endearing, but he didn’t really see a point. Nevertheless, he didn’t have the heart to shoot your ideas down and nodded noncommittally, enjoying the feeling of you absent-mindedly massaging his scalp.

“Whatever you say, pretty girl,” he said lazily. A silence settled, and although it wasn’t uncomfortable by any means, he began humming a melody. 

You had heard him sing several times now, usually while he accompanied himself on guitar and his voice was just like the rest of him- captivating. It was gentle but still strong, his tone conveying the message and feel of any song he picked perfectly. He had once confessed that he would love to work in the music industry one day, no matter what the role was, but then brushed off the wish, saying that it was a shot in the dark. 

To counter this, you told him that if anyone could make it, it would be him. By no means did your words shake off his doubts or uncertainty, but you could tell that the faith you had in him helped him feel better. 

“What song is that?” You tilted your head, looking down at him. He shrugged. 

“It isn’t one, just a tune that came to me,” it was such a simple thing, and it still somehow earned him an impressed look from you, making him laugh. “It’s not a big deal.”

“You’re the coolest person I know.”

“You’re the dorkiest.”

“Hey! Dork-? Is this the shit I get for being nice to you?” You pouted, the offence heavily lacing your voice making him laugh, and to soothe your ruffled feathers, he dropped a chaste kiss to your lips. 

“A cute dork.” 

His mother was out, leaving the house empty save for the two of you. The privacy was nice, much better than your house for sure, where your mother was always hovering for some reason, even though you hadn’t told your parents about your new relationship just yet. She was overprotective, and while you were definitely going to tell them, you didn’t particularly want to deal with any outbursts just yet, wanting to savour the beginning of it all and keep that joy just for yourself.

As far as you knew, Donghyuck didn’t have a father, but he had never gotten into the details. He made sure to tell you that it wasn’t because it was hard to talk about, but because there wasn’t much to say about the man anyway, since he had never known him or even met him. 

You narrowed your eyes at him, trying to fake annoyance to the best of your abilities, but you weren’t and never had been immune to the butterflies he managed to set free in your stomach with that kiss, a smile slowly forming on your face. Your hands moved to his face, cupping it gently as you leaned closer.

“Sweet talk won’t get you anywhere.”

“Yeah?” His eyes sparkled with mischief, “What will then?”

“A proper kiss maybe,” you mused, matching his playfulness. He immediately took you up on your proposal, smiling into the kiss. 

You were glad his mom wasn’t around.

Neither of you had ever kissed anyone before, but somehow he was still very good at it, a single touch of his igniting a pleasant buzz on the surface of your skin. Everything you knew about kissing came from books and movies, but you could only hope you had the same effect he had on you.

If you only knew. It had been a few weeks since the two of you had started dating, and he had memorised everything he could about you he possibly could- the shape of your mouth and the slope of your nose, the crinkles around your eyes when you laughed and the sound of it, he knew it all like the back of his hand. It wasn’t hard to be with you, it came to him like second nature, and part of him was convinced that everytime his mother had moved them from place to place, it was to bring him here to this moment. 

To be lying in your embrace, tangled in your arms and the gentle, loving kisses you pressed to his mouth and forehead- this was the definition of bliss, and everything about it was so utterly ignorant. 

“You taste like sour patch candies,” you muttered softly, looking at him through half-lidded eyes. You had quickly grown addicted to Donghyuck, deciding right then and there that you wouldn’t trade this for anything in the entire world. 

“Mhm, I was eating them before you came over.” 

You chuckled. “You, sir, have a problem.”

“Drama queen, you’re exaggerating a little too much. I only had a few.” 

“You had an entire packet, didn’t you? No wonder it's so noticeable.” The light wash of crimson that appeared on his cheeks at being caught gave him away.

“It can’t possibly be that noticeable.”

“It wouldn’t be if you didn’t consume copious amounts of that candy.”

He simply kissed you again in retaliation, a consequence you could definitely live with and had no complaints about whatsoever. “Shut up, you know you secretly like it.”

You never had the chance to argue with that one, once again silenced by his lips against yours. He was undoubtedly right about that accusation, for you liked it almost too much. You liked everything about him too much, and for the first time you understood the typical giddiness that was portrayed in every teen movie you watched growing up.

Every school day was something to look forward to now, making it possible to spend almost every day with him. You sat on desks next to each other, sometimes listening to music together and trying not to get caught talking to each other. The teachers had definitely picked up on the fact that there was something between the two of you, considering the amount of disproving looks you had gotten sent your way for laughing a little too loud at the jokes he would crack under his breath. 

Holidays were spent with you trying to finish all your homework as quickly as possible so you could hang out with him or Sakura and Chenle, making it so that every single day was bright and exciting from the moment you awoke. 

“You have no proof of that,” you pointed out, sitting up straighter to be able to kiss him better, savouring the way his arm immediately slid around your waistline. He smirked, his hand slipped just under your t-shirt but staying at your waist, fingers tracing abstract shapes upon the expanse of your skin.

“You’re still kissing me, aren’t you?”

The local playground was pretty deserted after eight on Sunday evenings, mothers having taken all their babies and toddlers back home for their nightly routine. Other highschool juniors or seniors didn’t really hang out there, opting to spend their time at the small skate park on the other end of town, which made it a perfect hangout spot for you and your friends.

Chenle slipped a cigarette pack out of the pocket of his designer hoodie, along with a bright red lighter. “Does anyone want one?”

Your reaction mirrored Sakura’s, who currently wore a frown. “Since when are you a smoker?”

“Johnny hyung taught me yesterday when he invited me to hang out with the seniors,” he filled you in, and you groaned, leaning into Donghyuck’s touch. He had an arm around your shoulders as the two of you occupied the bench swing, while Chenle and Sakura were sitting on the ends of the metal slides.

“Please don’t follow in his footsteps.” 

He lit one of the cigarettes, rolling his eyes. “Can you chill?”

“You do not have to smoke Chenle, you’re sixteen, not a wildly miserable forty year old  divorcee. You’re doing it just because you think it's cool and because Johnny does it.” Sakura shared your view of the senior, and as hospitable and lovely as he was, you didn’t particularly support his life choices.

“That is not true,” Chenle contested, and your other friend huffed. “Johnny is a great friend.”

You shook your head in disapproval. “He’s a bad influence.”

“He’s not! He’s really cool Y/n, I swear,” He waved his cigarette around, gesturing towards your boyfriend. “Right, Donghyuck?”

His admiration for the senior boy had only grown since the day of the party. To put it plainly, he thought the absolute world of the older boy, making an effort to spark a friendship. To say that he was overjoyed when Johnny started inviting him places was an understatement, if the excited call you got from him said anything. 

Donghyuck looked all too amused and nodded. “He is pretty cool.”

He got two scathing looks as a result, one from Sakura and an unimpressed stare from you, causing him to clear his throat, quickly following up. “But! That doesn’t mean you should follow his every move. You definitely shouldn’t smoke, smoking is bad.”

Now that he was back in your good graces, you kissed his cheek and looked at Chenle pointedly. “Please don’t end up like him.”

“I would love to end up like him.”

Jesus Christ. There was no saving him.

“With all the shit he pulls, he’s going to end up dead by twenty-five. Do you want to die?” He put the pack and lighter back in his pockets, brushing off Sakura’s grim statement. 

“One cigarette won’t kill me.” 

“Yes, but if you make smoking a habit and get addicted, it will eventually. Lung cancer is a thing, you know.” Your reminder was not taken kindly, and he groaned, taking a puff before dropping it to the ground and crushing it with his heel, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to smoke it in peace with you guys around anyway. 

“You are all so boring.” He whined, glaring at Donghyuck. “And you’re a hypocrite. Didn’t Johnny teach you how to smoke too?”

Having stayed a silent observer for most of this conversation, Donghyuck seemed to momentarily scramble for his words. “Only at the party, I haven’t smoked anything since then and I don’t intend to do it casually. It was a one time thing, and it was almost two months ago.”

“Remind me to only ever smoke at Yuta hyung’s place, because you guys are too annoying.”

Sakura perked up where she was sitting, blinking rapidly. “Nakamoto Yuta?”

He nodded, smiling almost evilly at her. “Yeah, I hang out with your crush more than you do. Maybe if you didn’t have such a stick up your ass, he’d invite you too.”

“Ugh, I hope you do die.” 

She had gained quite the infatuation with Yuta, having flirted with him at the party and hung out with him for quite a bit of the night. All her confidence to do so had come from the alcohol though, because she ran in the opposite direction of him at school, too nervous to go up to him and strike conversation so casually. 

You snuggled closer to Donghyuck, the evening air taking a turn for chilly. You loved having him around and was overjoyed at how well he fit into your little group, getting along with them as if they were his best friends as well. Being with him was effortless, just how it should be. 

“You should at least try talking to him,” you suggested, “If you don’t try, how do you know he’s just going to reject you? Didn’t he spend almost the entire party with you?”

“Easy for you to say,” she scowled, but you knew she meant no ill will and was simply joking. “You got the guy from like, the moment you met him.” Her words had you bite back a bashful smile. 

“That's true,” Donghyuck quipped almost proudly, rubbing your shoulder and dropping a kiss to your temple. He noticed the way you had tucked your hands under your legs. “Are you cold? Do you want my jacket?”

“Don’t you need it?”

“I’ll be fine,” he reassured you, taking it off and draping it over your shoulders, and resuming his previous position of having his arm around them. Sakura and Chenle simultaneously pretended to gag.

“The two of you are disgustingly adorable.” She complained, and Chenle agreed.

“Yeah, you make me feel so single I want to smoke.” 

The sound of Sakura hitting his arm at that comment resounded through the empty park, making you laugh. You hadn’t realised how bland your life had been before this year because now it was like the colours were brighter and much more vibrant than before, so much more interesting. This was how highschool was supposed to be, you thought to yourself as you slid your arms into the sleeves of his jacket, simple and rosy tinted, without a single worry in the world. 

ix] now.

This was the tenth time Donghyuck was listening to the track.

He paused it and dragged it back to the start, playing the song once again. Something about it was off, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it just yet, subjecting himself to analyse it over and over as a result. 

He shut his eyes, trying to absorb the song and search for what was not clicking for him, letting himself be consumed by the music. The melody washed over him, the powerful vocals and enticing beat soaking into his system. In his expert opinion, it was one step away from being a hit on the charts. He just had to figure out what step he had to take in order to achieve that.

Usually, he would stay and work on it until he managed to come to a solution, but for some reason all he wanted to do was go home today. He wasn’t focused on his work, as much as he loved music and what he did, for some reason today he just couldn’t bring himself to do it.

Maybe the thing that was off with the song was his demeanour at that moment. For all he knew, when he felt better and more motivated to work on it, it might sound ready to put out into the world without him having to change a single thing.

Donghyuck needed to clear his head. He pushed himself away from his desk and stretched his legs, walking to one of the windows of the studio and peering outside. 

He loved the studio, he practically lived there half of the time, sleeping on the sofa when he stayed too late or was too tired to drive home amidst a project. Every instrument inside was precious to him, every piece of equipment important. It was filled with happy memories for him, with artists waltzing in and out of his space and entrusting him with their life’s work. Their vision collided with his artistic view, and even though his name wasn’t bedazzled in the lights and he wasn’t directly in the limelight, he had somewhat managed to make a name for himself in the industry he had always loved.

The studio was more his home than his apartment, so then why did he so want to go back to the latter at the moment?

Looking out into the streets of New York, it hit him.

It wasn’t his apartment he was yearning for, per se, but more so the idea of home. It was something he had struggled with coming to terms with for the longest time, having never stayed anywhere long enough to consider home throughout his formative years. As a default, home had never taken the form of a place or a house on a particularly named street, but instead had always been a person. 

During his childhood, it had been his mother, for she was the only truly constant thing in his life back then. As his teenage years rolled around, even she started to feel alien to him. He began perceiving her as less of a home and more of the reason he didn’t have one. 

And then there was another person who became his home, and she came in the form of you. You were his age and much more relatable, it was much easier to place all his hope and trust in you, especially when just being around you made him forget about all his problems. When he was with you, his life seemed to lose that intense sense of instability that always kept him on edge. 

You somehow stabilised him, but he lost that stability in less than a year. In an attempt to reconcile with his guilt, he began punishing himself by changing his number and cutting you off completely, telling himself that it would help you as well. Once again, he was without a home, and his relationship with his mother was further strained. 

At eighteen, he moved out to New York. 

New York was his home now, the place he had stayed for the longest time. It was a place finally, somewhere he could point out with his finger and proudly say he lived in. He finished up his education, going to college and teaching himself music production on the side. He worked two part time jobs and enrolled himself in production classes. 

It was hard being all alone in a city as big as New York, in an unfamiliar and cold place. The loneliness hit him hard, and that led him to calling his mother. After a year in the city, working and studying hard, he finally understood why she had done what she did while he was growing up and appreciated her for it.

He had his big break at twenty-two while working under a small record label. The song he had worked on as a producer went number one on the billboard charts, rocketing the singer from an unknown person to a household name and right under theirs, was his.

He was being praised by critics for his experimental style and the little things in the production that made the song what it was. Suddenly, he was in demand and made real, good money- amounts that he had never seen in his life. He sent half of it to his mother and could now visit her as many times in the year as he so pleased. 

Every sacrifice was worth it. It had gotten to where he was standing and made him who he was. 

But you being in his home now?

That made him question it. You displaced him.

New York had only started to properly feel like home when he had made it big, the big scary city not seeming so scary anymore. He finally felt like he belonged somewhere after years of lacking that. 

The only time he had ever belonged to someone was when he had been with you. 

When he left your town, he had left a piece of his heart behind with you, just as he had taken a piece of yours with him. He had never gotten it back, searching for it- something, someone perhaps- in the faces of strangers. 

He had put all his faith in finding that in Yeonmi, a woman who reminded him of you, only to find out that she was simply influenced. He was stuck, frozen in place by a choice that seemed impossible to make. Whatever course of action he took, any option he picked, it always seemed to make him the bad guy. He couldn’t just drop her for you because things were too complicated for that, and it would in turn make you the bad guy as well, but he couldn’t keep on feeling this way while being with someone else.

Home. Donghyuck knew right then that he wasn’t yearning for his apartment, or the city itself. He was yearning for you.

Donghyuck wanted you there in his studio, in his apartment- just with him maybe would be enough. Not just wandering and brushing shoulders in the vast city that you called home as well, but by his side constantly, to once again be the home that grounded him.

The realisation washed over him, but it didn’t come as a total surprise. Part of him had always known that you were it for him, especially when he saw you for the first time again that night he dropped a drunk Yeonmi home to you. The reason he couldn’t focus was you, how badly he wanted to run back to you and ignore all the complications that came with it, right back into the arms that were his true home. 

Occasionally, you would think about Sakura and Chenle. 

You had long since lost contact with your highschool best friends, inevitably drifting apart from them with the course of time. Once university began, even managing to text each other turned into a chore, and the only times you saw each other or hung out was during the summer when you went back home. Once you moved to New York and started going home less, those few moments turned into nothing at all.

Nevertheless, you hadn’t forgotten about them. They had been your constants for so long, people you trusted with all your heart and soul, always running out of your house to meet them. You fondly recalled all the late night calls and sneaking out and sleepovers, complaining about examinations and school together, and spending your summers with iced teas and hanging out at the local diner. From drinking sprite to sneaking alcohol, a lot of your firsts have happened with them. 

They held you together when Donghyuck left. They picked up the shattered pieces, sticking them back together the best they could with the resources they had. They were the ones that got you to smile again and eventually forget about him long enough to forget that you were trying to. 

Even though you haven’t spoken to them in years, you still thought about them. You would never stop being grateful. 

You also wondered how they would react if they knew what your life had come to. 

The coffee you had ordered this time was hot, and you cupped the mug, letting the warmth of the drink seep through the ceramic and to your fingers. You were in what had become your regular booth in the cafe, and across from you sat none other than Donghyuck himself. 

Ever since that day, an unspoken sort of agreement to at least be friends had passed between the two of you- a truce of sorts. It was only logical, considering he was technically with Yeonmi, and it meant that you would have to learn how to put everything aside for that. Oddly enough though, you never talked about your roommate, and he didn’t make an effort to bring her up either. 

Sakura would have glared at you in disbelief. Chenle would be laughing his ass off in some corner.

Meeting at the cafe had turned into a ritual of sorts. You would meet him there every Tuesday before work and both of you would chat and have your drinks before parting ways. Admittedly, you had started looking forward to these little rendezvous with him, they somehow managed to make your entire week. 

Really, you shouldn’t have been surprised at this. Donghyuck had always had that effect on you and clearly nothing had changed. He still made you laugh more than anyone else and left you with that warm, fuzzy feeling that made you think that anything was possible. 

Yeonmi did not know about these meetings. 

You had never mentioned them to her even once, and you were willing to bet that Donghyuck hadn’t either. He seemed to avoid talking about her entirely, and it seemed that he hadn’t been talking to her very much either, since your roommate had worriedly mentioned his lack of communication this past few weeks.

“He still talks to me,” she explained, eyes knit together in worry. “But not as much, you know? I can’t help but wonder if something is wrong.”

“I’m sure everything is fine.” You assured her when you were not, in fact, sure. You didn’t have the courage to ask about it anyway, and selfishly enough you didn’t particularly want to spend any of the little time you got with him talking about her.

You abhorred the way you had subconsciously turned against your friend, but it was fine because you had it under control. You could never do anything to hurt her, this was completely innocent. The two of you were just talking.

“You’ve met Lee Jieun?!” You exclaimed, eyes wide in awe. He held back a laugh at the starstruck look on your face, nodding as he stirred the sugar into his coffee. 

“Yeah, she’s very sweet and extremely talented. Worked on a few tracks on her last album.”

“I bought that album,” you said, putting your mug down and clasping your hands together. “I’ve been saving up for tickets to her concert.”

His lips twitched in amusement. “I can get you some if you’d like.”

Mouth falling open, you stared at him in shock, no words leaving your lips for ten seconds straight. “If I’d like?? I would love that, my god. I’ve been a fan for four years now and she’s always my top artist on spotify every year during spotify wrapped. My most listened to song is also always hers and she’s just so-”

You faltered when you glanced at him and noticed the doting expression he wore while looking at you- the sides of his lips were just slightly upturned, eyes following your movements keenly and hanging onto every word. It had heat rise up to your face and made you self-conscious because goddamnit, that was the exact way he would look at you when you were together. 

Fuck.

Your throat felt dry, and you swallowed hard, averting your eyes as you felt your cheeks burn. “I’m rambling,” you mumbled, fiddling with the teaspoon on the little place your cup sat in. “Sorry, I talk too much. I’ll shut up.”

“Don’t,” he immediately said, “I like hearing you talk.”

You blinked.

God. He really hadn’t changed at all, had he?

“R-right, uh, I just really, really love her music.” Everything about the moment threw you off. The way he was able to so skillfully grab you and plunge you back into the past you had tried so hard to run away from was jarring. It wasn’t even something that slowly crept up on you, instead clutching you by the collar and throwing you straight into it, right back into your sixteen-year-old self’s shoes. 

“I can tell. I’ll do my best with those tickets.” His promise almost flew over your head entirely and you forced a smile, staring down at your coffee awkwardly.  He still liked hearing you talk and your loquacious nature. Some things stayed the same no matter the course of time.

You let yourself wonder if he felt the same way about you as well, but just for a second. 

There was no way you could let yourself get away with thinking about it anymore because it would strip you of any dignity you had left. Your feelings for him had only grown dormant over the years and were now being awoken from their hibernation with every minute more you spent in his invigorating presence. It was unrealistic and childish to think that he felt the same way anymore.

The lack of any mention of Yeonmi, the way he seemed to be talking to you more lately and going so far as to meet with you on a weekly basis, well, the signs were definitely there, weren’t they? You were well aware of how much of an asshole move this was from both your ends towards your oblivious roommate, but as much as you tried to, you couldn’t bring yourself to care. It was terrible, but there was nothing happening. You were allowed to enjoy these fleeting moments that when boiled down to it, meant nothing at all.

But as he smiled at your excited demeanour, looking at you like you were everything he could ever want, you couldn’t help but wish that it did.

Yeonmi stood in front of the ice cream display, scanning all the different flavours at her disposal. You stood by her side, already digging into your own ice cream and waiting patiently for her to be done.

“You’ve already chosen what you want,” you pointed out. “Do you want a second cup or something?”

She shook her head. “Not for me, for Donghyuck. I’m going to meet him later on and since he likes sweet stuff I thought I’d get him a tub.” 

You paused your movements. Their meetings had grown sparse from what you had heard from her, with her having to plan most of them and him simply agreeing. It killed you a little on the inside, filling you with guilt at the suspicion that you had something to do with it.

The earnest lilt in her voice, her eagerness to please him- it reminded you so much of yourself. You disliked the way he was treating her, but you also found a sense of relief in it, and when you acknowledged that, you officially accepted that you were probably the worst friend in the universe.

“Have you chosen what you would like yet?” The teenager behind the counter asked impatiently. She looked like she would have rather been anywhere else in the world, but she was probably a highschooler who wanted some extra cash and this was the best she had gotten.

“No, sorry,” your roommate said dejectedly. “I’m not sure what he’d like.” 

Deciding to put her out of her misery, you spoke up. “Can we get a tub of cookies and cream?” The girl nodded, boredly taking one of the tubs out of the freezer and sliding it across the counter, calling out its price. Yeonmi flashed you a confused look and fumbled with her purse for a few seconds, taking out a few dollar bills and handing it over. 

The two of you walked out of the ice cream store, and she doubtfully looked at the tub. “What if he doesn’t like this?”

“He likes cookies and cream ice cream.”

“How would you know?”

You stopped walking and glanced at her, quickly realising you had slipped up. You tried not to take offence at the defensive nature of her tone, knowing that she had every right to be that way. She was technically his girlfriend, she should have been the one to know what flavour he would want. 

So you bit down hard on your tongue when the urge to tell her that you knew him better than she ever could sprung to its tip. You were bitter at having to let that go, your ego bruising from the fact that you weren’t entitled to the position of being the one who knew him so well, even though you had everything for it.

“He told me.” You said weakly, dropping your now empty cup into one of the bins on the sidewalk.

“When?”

Eight years ago. That was the truth, but you knew very well that you couldn’t possibly tell her that after pretending you had never met him before. The edge that her voice possessed right then put you off, but you brushed it to the side, knowing deep down that she had the right. “That one movie night we had.”

She frowned. “I don’t remember talking about ice cream at all.” 

“You fell asleep, remember? We spoke about it after that, just before he left.” The lie tasted sour, but not the pleasant kind of sour that is followed by a sweetness like a sour patch candy. This type of sour was persisting, the type that tainted your mouth from just its feel, spreading to your lips and the back of your neck.

“Oh.” She sounded hollow, letting the arm that held the bag containing the tub of ice cream fall limply to her side. “Okay.”

“You can tell him you picked it out.” 

You knew he wouldn't believe it anyway. “Okay,” She repeated, but you could tell how miserably she truly was. Resentment filled you, but just as quickly so did pity, replacing the former in the blink of an eye.

She had finally moved on from her sorry excuse of an ex and found happiness in another man, only for him to suddenly pull away right when she was ready to give it her all. You understood that more than anyone ever could, but in a completely different sense. To her, Donghyuck was emotionally absent now. For you, he had been wholly absent, snatched away and out of your reach for so long.

Yeonmi still had the chance to hold him, if he let her. You never had that.

And then your pity for her was replaced by anger.

Donghyuck had no right to run her around in circles like he was doing. You wanted to yell at him, tell him to make a decision on whether he wanted her or not.

You didn’t want to know the answer though, because the chances of it breaking your heart were high, and you didn’t think you’d be able to handle another heartbreak at his hands. It could also remove him from your life once again, and you’d continue to be haunted, just by new memories this time around. 

And just like that, you understood why he couldn’t make a decision so easily, because you couldn’t either. You wanted nothing more than for him to choose you, but it was the very last thing you would ask for, reluctant and afraid to hurt someone else in the process of healing your very own innate brokennes.

So you walked with Yeonmi back to your shared apartment and talked about insignificant things to take her mind off it all, trying to do the same for yourself. 

x] then.

When a storm is coming, you can almost always tell.

It may not look like it, but intuition works in mysterious ways. That sinking feeling that stirs deep within your gut, discomfort flooding your system slowly and warning you of something bad to come. You try your best to ignore it, to pretend as if you’re overthinking and going crazy and that everything is fine. You revel in ignorant bliss and sunny days, growing all too comfortable with the stability of the everyday life you have grown accustomed to. You let yourself believe that the calm before a storm is permanent.

Donghyuck knew something was wrong the moment he walked into his house that fateful November evening, four whole months since he had first stepped foot inside it when they first moved in. He had learned the pattern of the switches, he knew the layout of the house by heart. 

His mother sat on the dining table, her face buried in her hands. Usually, he would walk upstairs to his room and not bother, but this time something made him stop.

“Mom?”

She looked up at him, and he noticed just how exhausted she looked. His mother was a beautiful woman, but time had worn her down just like it did to everyone, and all the stress she was under had caused some of her black hair to turn grey. Wrinkles showed on her palms, her laugh lines had grown deeper. 

“Donghyuck,” she said his name with a heavy sigh. “Come. Sit.”

On most days he had an excuse to avoid this, saying that he had homework or a project to work on, but today he complied, taking a seat next to his mother. 

“How was school today?”

“Good,” he answered. She gave him an encouraging smile that was clearly forced for his sake, and clasped her hands together.

“Good, good.”

“Is….is that it?” He asked gently, suddenly not wanting to be there. It was like his body was trying to get him out of the situation, knowing something was off before his brain did. Unfortunately, some things were unavoidable and inevitable, and just like that the clouds began to darken.

She shook her head, “No, there’s something I need to talk to you about” She reached out and grabbed his hand that was on the table, squeezing it hard. “It’s important, okay?”

He nodded slowly, now trapped within the conversation with no escape. His mother exhaled and shut her eyes, dropping her head in what seemed like defeat. “I’ve been offered a job.”

“A job?”

“Yes- with a much better salary. Of course, I’m beyond blessed with the amount I get now but we’d be more comfortable, it’s a better opportunity.” She rubbed the hand of his that she held soothingly, as if trying to soften the blow she was about to give. 

The waves gradually grew more turbulent, slow but definite. It was clear that she was trying to approach whatever she was trying to say with as much tact as possible, but was only succeeding in frustrating the boy with her vagueness. 

“Just spit it out, Mom. What's happening?”

“We’re moving, Hyuck.”

Donghyuck sat there, stunned into a silence at what his mother had just said. Finally, she was done beating around the bushes like he had wanted, but now he wished he had let her take her time. It almost didn’t even feel real to hear, the true weightage of her words not quite registering just yet.

“What?”

His voice was devoid of any emotion, falling flat and harshly against the gentle, apologetic facade that his mother upheld. “In a few months, I know that it’s hard to hear and I’m sorry I have to uproot your life once again but I promise it’ll all be worth it I just-” She shakily exhaled, as if trying to expel all the fatigue she had accumulated over the years of switching out jobs and moving around in an attempt to create a better life for her only son. “I promise I’ll try and make this bearable and it’ll be the last time.”

If she had the choice, she would never have chosen such a turbulent lifestyle. After all, who would ever want to thrust their child into such an unstable environment- it being unstable due to its ever changing nature? But being a single mother was difficult and she had to do whatever she had to in order to survive.

The ship that Donghyuck stood upon began to rock as the storm intensified. 

“It’s been less than a year,” He said icily. “Five months.”

“We’re not moving immediately. I have to finish up some work here and get everything together before we leave. Three months.” She rushed to assure him of this as if it fixed anything.

“So eight months. That’s still less than a year, Mom.”

“I know sweetheart, I’m so sorry.

Sympathy filled her expression and she squeezed his hand, trying to convey that she understood his frustration. That notion was perfectly ridiculous sounding to Donghyuck, how could she even begin to think that she understood how he would be feeling? If she did, then why was she once again ruining his life?

If she was really so sorry, she wouldn’t be doing this in the first place. He clenched his jaw, looking away from his mother and around the living room he had finally grown familiar with. Every other time this had happened he had always grinned and bore with it because there never seemed like a reason to fight back. He had grown complacent and used to the cycle, expecting it almost.

But this time he had prayed it wouldn’t be the same. This time, he had grown attached to the dusty streets of the town and the long school days. He had a favourite store, more friends than he had ever had in his life and more importantly, a favourite person. This time, it wouldn’t just be him leaving behind a bunch of acquaintances, it would mean him having to leave you behind as well. 

He couldn’t bear the thought of that, his fury welling up and coming to the surface. For once in his life he had someone he wanted to stay for.

“If you’re so sorry,” he said, voice low and enraged all the same, “You won’t do this again.”

Her eyes softened, “I have to. I won’t ask you to understand, but-” 

“I hate you.”

The moment he said it, he could see his mothers countenance crumble, but the sympathy in it only increased. No parent ever wanted to hear their child say those words to them and he knew that in his heart, he didn’t truly mean them, but he was just so indescribably angry with her and the world for constantly doing this to him. 

It was cruel for him to say it without any hesitation, that much was certain the moment he saw tears well up in her eyes. She was a strong woman, refusing to let them escape and fall down her weary face for his sake, and he couldn’t take the sight of it any longer. Aggressively, he pushed his chair back and stormed off, bounding up the stairs of the house that would no longer be his with his heart hammering in his chest.

It was only in the comfort of his room that he let himself let out the sob that had been choking him up as he crumpled near the foot of his bed, a heavy sense of loss already passing through him. His eyes drifted to one of the walls of his room.

He had never put much thought into decorating, but there on it were three posters you had managed to convince him to put up with you, insisting that they livened the place up a little. He would have to tear them down now, just like everything else in his erratic, volatile life. Every other time was easier because there had been no bonds to sever in the process. He had let himself foolishly trust that his continued resilience was all for the happiness he had ultimately found now.

Perhaps this was why he had been so reluctant to let you help him decorate his room. Subconsciously, he had known that it would all be for naught when the nature of his life caught back up to him. Somehow he had already known that this was never meant to be anything more than temporary.

The waves capsized his ship and down Donghyuck went, sinking beneath the surface of the storm and below the storming sea, drowning in his sorrow.

You sat in the driver's seat of your father’s car, legs propped up on the seat with your cardboard container of fries balancing on your knees. Donghyuck occupied the passenger's seat, biting into his burger.

The both of you were parked in the local diners parking lot in the late evening after school. Donghyuck had said something about not feeling like going straight home, and since you had driven to school that day, you suggested taking a detour and hanging out for a little. 

“I was thinking,” you started, picking out a fry and biting into it, glancing sideways at the boy who owned all of your teenage affections. 

“Hmm?”

“I wanna tell my parents,” you declared finally, finishing the fry. He blinked, lowering his burger and looking at you pointedly. “About us.”

“All of a sudden? Why?” His mystification was justified since ever since the two of you had begun dating, you had been adamant on trying to hide it from them. It hadn’t been the intent initially, you simply were procrastinating their reaction- not that it would be a bad one- and as time went on, it got easier to put off. That being said, it also got harder to hide.

You shrugged, shifting in the car seat and reaching out to adjust the volume of the radio. “I just think it’s time, you know? I’ve been putting it off long enough and I want them to know about you. The smile that crept up on your face when you said that was enough to have a pit form at the bottom of his stomach.

Guilt is an ugly emotion. It manifests slowly, digging into your insides as it grows in its magnitude until it's up to your throat, depriving you of air and choking you. 

Needless to say, you weren’t the only one putting off telling someone the truth.

Avoidance wasn’t something that was inherently built into his nature, but it came into play almost naturally now. He had managed to evade being around his mother as much as possible over the past week or so, ever since she had dropped the news that completely displaced his entire world. Similarly, he had been avoiding bringing up what was happening to you, telling himself that he still had some time

But the truth was, saying out loud and admitting it all to you was just too much for him. It made it feel real and not like some terrible nightmare he had been living for the past few days. He didn’t want the reality of it all to hit him just yet.

“Do you have to?”

“Kind of?” You raised an eyebrow at him in question. “We’ve been dating for almost three months now Hyuck, do you expect me to just keep it from them forever?”

He winced internally, beating himself up about how you were talking about your relationship with him. It felt wrong to let you naively talk about a supposed forever when he knew that simply wasn’t going to be the case.

Your forever was going to be quickly cut short. 

“Of course not,” he mumbled, sighing softly. “I don’t know. Sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”

You frowned slightly, turning the volume down and putting your fries on the dashboard, giving him all your attention. “Hey, is something wrong?”

Everything was wrong. He wanted to laugh, mostly because the only other option he had was to cry and he couldn’t do that without having to expose it all. Instead though, he shook his head as nonchalantly as he possibly could, refusing to meet your eyes and instead staring at his burger. “Nope.”

You scoffed. “Oh yeah, that was definitely believable. Come on, tell me what's wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong.”

“You said you didn’t feel like going home today. Is it something to do with that?”

You were too smart for your own good. He rolled his eyes, attempting to remain lighthearted, “What if that just meant I wanted to spend more time with you?”

“Weird fucking way of putting it, then. You could have just said you wanted to hang out.”

He put his burger on the dashboard as well and turned to you, holding your gaze firmly in the hopes that it would thwart your suspicions by appearing to be sincere. “Y/n,” he said your name steadily, a slight smile playing upon his lips that from the outside looked effortless, when in reality it was the most forced he had ever been. “Nothing is wrong. Drop it.”

You bit the inside of your cheek, realising that whatever it was, he clearly wasn’t in the mood to talk about it. You could respect that.  “Alright, I’ll back off.” You raised your hands to the sides of your face to mimic surrendering and earning an amused look from his end in the process. 

It scared him a little bit, how you seemed to be able to look right through him without even knowing the full extent of what he was going through. He had known you for so little time- too little almost- and yet you knew him better than anyone else. 

Leaving you behind was going to be the thing that hurt the most.

He leaned over and kissed you gently. “Thank you. And you’re right, you should tell your parents.” Your trusting countenance clawed at him, only worsening the sickening feeling of culpability that swirled in his gut. Maybe he’d tell you tomorrow, or the week after. Maybe he’d wait for another month so that he could gather his wits first.

If you doubted his confident facade, you didn’t let it show.

“Hey Donghyuck?”

“Hm?”

“I think I love you.”

Five little words should be entirely inconsequential, but even as young as he was, Donghyuck knew their true weightage. He knew you meant it by the credulousness in your gaze and the gentle squeeze of your hand on his. 

The two of you were sitting on the roof outside your room's window, you clad in sweats and his jacket- the very same one he had given you weeks ago at the playground. You had never given it back to him. He was in casual clothing as well, having sneaked onto your room during the early hours of the morning to hang out with you.

Time with you seemed to be fleeting now, and so he clung onto every minute he got. You had your head resting on his shoulder as the sun began peeking over the town and spilling its golden rays all over the little houses and buildings, lighting them up and bringing vibrancy to the town. 

Love was a complex emotion, a haphazard mishmash of several others in proportions that were unique to every occurrence it manifested itself in. Trust, admiration, infatuation and many more- they made up the feeling that everyone on the planet supposedly sought after so desperately. If it was truly so unpredictable, how did anyone know what it felt to be in love?

He sucked in a breath as seconds passed. Then, he squeezed your hand back.

“I love you too.”

xi] now.

Yeonmi was a great friend, ever ready to show her endless support for you in all your endeavours. 

“Smile! And for god's sake, get a drink and lighten up. It’s all your friends here.” She slid her index finger under the strap of your dress, lifting up to its correct position on your shoulder. 

You sighed and complied, flashing a smile for her sake, promising to make your way to the kitchen and do as she asked. She inspected your eye makeup one last time, pleased with how her handiwork had turned out and left your room, reminding you to hurry up and get out there. 

You had gotten a promotion at work a week ago, and when you had revealed the news to her she insisted that you celebrate properly for the occasion, taking it upon herself to organise a small party at your apartment. She invited some of your friends from work and a few mutual friends of yours- not too many people in all, but since your apartment wasn’t the biggest, it was already starting to feel a little cramped.

Pulling yourself together, you left the confines of your room, finding yourself humming along to the music that she was playing. The dress you had donned was definitely not as short as the ones you had insisted on wearing during your highschool years, having opted to go for a more respectful length now that you were older, but it made you feel pretty and put-together.

Among the familiar smiles and toned down congratulations that you received, you found your eyes wandering until they met another pair that was already trained on you.

Donghyuck was there, of course he was. Yeonmi had already told you that she had asked him to attend and you had been expecting his presence.

So why then did you feel your heartbeat pick up a little, as if it had come as a surprise?

You looked away

A slow hour passed.

In your teenage years, parties had been something you had always enjoyed partaking in, but right then you felt a tad uncomfortable. You quickly deduced that this was because all those times, you had just been another partygoer, lost among the rest of the drunken crowd. Here, you were the subject of the party, the centre of attention. 

People came up to congratulate you and make small talk. It struck you then, just how different your life was now from what it was back then. You were older in a different city, surrounded by people who had nothing to do with what felt like your previous life. Your old best friends, people you had thought would stick by you to the very end were not there, you were far away from your parents and were no longer a child that depended on them for everything. You had an apartment you called your own that you shared with your roommate. 

The only thing- person- that had somehow belonged to both your youth and adulthood was Donghyuck.

Flushed with the alcohol that you had consumed, you excused yourself from the umpteenth conversation you'd been dragged into with some of your colleagues and made your way to the kitchen, wine glass in hand. Shutting the doors behind you, you revelled in the momentary silence. 

You noticed the bottle of wine sitting on the counter and looked at your empty glass. Being the focal point of everyone's attention had never been something you particularly enjoyed and so to ease the bubbling anxiety inside of you, you walked over and poured yourself another, swirling it around and taking a good, long sip. 

The sweet wine trickled down your throat, kissing it soothingly with its tart berry flavours. You were no doubt tipsy at this point, having subconsciously fallen back upon the alcohol to support you through all the socialising. You truly wished Yeonmi hadn’t been so insistent on this stupid thing, you would have been more than happy to celebrate by going out to dinner, just the two of you.

“Oh! You’re here too.”

You spun around, clutching the stem of your wine glass a little tighter and automatically leaning your back against the counter when you felt your balance slip away from you a little. Donghyuck shut the door, hesitating.

“Am…Am I intruding?”

He totally was intruding on your solitude, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care when it came to him, thus shaking your head ‘no’. “Not at all, I just needed a moment.”

“I can leave if you’d like.”

“Don’t.” And you meant it. You didn’t want him to leave and he was the only one you would willingly tolerate at that moment. He flicked the lock of the door, sealing it shut to the rest of your guests and walked over to you with his own glass. You handed him the bottle of wine.

He nodded in silent thanks. “Congratulations on your promotion, by the way.”

“Thanks,” you took a small sip of your wine, looking at him and allowing yourself to study his matured features. There was not a thing about him that didn’t explicitly shine, a being so enigmatic and beautiful that it had you in awe of him even eight years later. “Not that it’s anything exciting like your job. I just sit in a nicer office now.”

He chuckled softly. “It’s still pretty cool, you’re still pretty young for your own office, aren’t you?”

You nodded bashfully. Even though you tried to remain as modest as possible when it came to the good news, you were quite proud of yourself. “Yeah, I didn’t think I’d get so far so quickly out of college.”

Donghyuck shuffled a little closer until he was right next to you. The urge to lean into him sprung up out of nowhere, the little voice in your head telling you to do so abruptly growing stronger. You drank the rest of your wine in an attempt to drown it out, only succeeding in doing the complete opposite.

God, he smelled amazing. You could get hints of the cologne he had on, a musky scent that had hints of something citrusy in the mix- thoroughly dizzying to you. You despised how much control he had over you without even knowing it.

“I had to repeat my senior year of highschool.”

His words snapped you out of your self-induced reverie, and you cocked your head to the side in question, prompting him to continue. As of late, your little coffee dates (your mind had defaulted to calling them that, even though you knew you shouldn’t), he had begun sharing bits and pieces of his life, and you had started doing the same. However, this was quite out of the blue, piquing your curiosity.

“After we moved,” he clarified, uncertainty creeping into his voice as if he was afraid of how you would react. “I almost flunked the eleventh grade finals in my new school and barely made it to the twelfth, and then that began, I barely attended, bunking almost all my classes to hang out with this group I had somehow managed to fall into.”

He sounded regretful as he spoke and you didn’t dare interrupt. You had often speculated what he was doing after he left, while you mourned the loss of your love, you had spent countless sleepless nights tossing and turning, wondering if he was thinking about you as well.

“They were terrible influences, but at the time I couldn’t bring myself to care. I was never in class, always at one of their garages with some sort of alcohol. A lot of that year was a blur, with me being drunk almost every day. I’d leave the house in the morning and say I was going to school and take a detour. My grades fell but I never paid attention to it because of how unhappy I was.”

Your eyes stung with emotion for him, because although you had resented him so much, he was still only a kid back then. Pairing this new information with what he had told you about his flighty childhood, you couldn’t even imagine the sheer level of frustration he must have experienced with having to adapt to yet another place.

“By the end of the year, my attendance was so terrible that they couldn’t let me write the finals, nor could they let me graduate, leaving me with the option to drop out. My mother was in tears and we fought a lot when I told her about it. At first I was fine with just dropping out and giving up, but she said something that made me rethink that.”

“What did she say?” You whispered, your heart feeling as if it was in your throat. You hadn’t even realised you had moved in position, now even closer and directly in front of him.

He sighed heavily. “She told me she didn’t want me to end up like her. She wanted me to live without having to uproot every year or so, and the only way I could do that is if I didn’t give up. And that got me thinking about everything.”

His glass was empty now. “I realised I didn’t like my so-called friends, I hated what I had become and I didn’t want to continue living the way I had for so long. I thought long and hard about what my mother said and then…then I thought about you.”

Your breath caught in your throat as you held his gaze, searching his face for answers before he presented them to you. 

“Me?”

He reached out, his fingers oh-so-carefully brushing against the skin of your cheek, dragging back slowly and tucking a strand of hair that had fallen into your face behind your ear, lingering there. 

“Yes, you.” A wistful smile made a show on his face. “I thought about how my mother said she wanted me to graduate and push forward so I wouldn’t live the same life she created for us, and how if she had done the same thing she was begging of me, maybe-” His voice cracked, causing a jolt down your spine and your sight to blur slightly with the emergence of tears, but they didn’t fall just yet.

“-Maybe I wouldn’t have had to leave you.”

Fuck.

A single tear trickled down the apples of your cheeks, and the moment it did, his thumb wiped it away gently. 

“So I agreed to the second option, which was having to repeat my senior year. I attended every class that I could, I studied and worked hard for every test. I graduated late, but I managed to do it, and then I moved to New York just before I turned nineteen.”

“Donghyuck…” you trailed off, not knowing what to say.  It was clear to you now that he had to grow up a lot earlier than you had, even if it hadn’t seemed that way at first. You had a good family life and a stable, comfortable childhood. You were allowed to figure it out slowly, never being exposed to any sort of extreme turbulence that shook your world so deeply other than his leaving- and you had support through that as well in the form of your friends. Donghyuck had none of that, left all alone.

“All I wanted to say was that without you, I wouldn’t be where I am.”

“Don’t do that,” you said almost sorrowfully, “You did it yourself. I just happened to be a part of it for a little while.”

“You should have been a part of it for longer.”

He wiped the stray tears that escaped your eyes at that, knowing how much weight that statement alone held. You shut your eyes, sucking in a deep breath to try and pull yourself together, but to no avail. Quietly, you responded. “I know.”

“Don’t cry,” He whispered, tilting your face up by your chin, a fond expression gracing those gorgeous features of his, and your eyelids fluttering open to look at him, committing every single detail about them to your memory. “You look beautiful tonight, Y/n.”

The compliment stung, like needles digging into the surface of your skin roughly. You knew you were completely undeserving of it, that it should have been directed to your friend who was somewhere outside the privacy of the kitchen and yet there you were, basking in his attention like you always did in the few stolen moments you got with him. 

You were quite aware that you weren’t sober and you were willing to bet that he wasn’t either. Here the two of you were once again, eight long years later at a party, alone yet together. The irony of it all was not lost on you, and you somehow knew exactly what was going to happen in the next few seconds and still you made no motion to stop it. 

His lips found yours instinctively, kissing you hard. You let him, the familiarity of it all rushing back to you so quickly that it nearly knocked you off your feet. Your hands rested upon his arms as his mouth moved against yours, rendering you breathless and at his disposal. You were his, you had always been his just as he had always been yours, no matter how much time had passed or how much the two of you had changed.

If the wine had gotten you tipsy, his kiss had you downright intoxicated. You were drunk on the sensation, leaning into him to get as close as possible to take it all in. You memorised the way his thumb traced your jaw so tenderly as if you were made of glass and he was afraid to break you.

Life had somehow brought you right back to him full-circle, ending right when it had started the two of you off. Perhaps it was a cruel joke, to give you everything you had ever wanted in such a limited capacity and to simultaneously make it completely off-limits.

Eight years you had waited for this, and nothing had ever felt as liberating as it was wrong.

“We need to talk.”

It was the second time you were hearing these very words from Donghyuck’s mouth, and you were just as reluctant to comply as the first.

“No.”

He looked at you, frustration decorating the expression he had directed towards you. “We can’t keep avoiding it.”

Yeonmi had invited him over again for a movie night, but realised you had run out of coke and had volunteered to run down the store and get some more, blithely unaware of the clear tension between him and you. Then again, she had never noticed anything when it came to that, but it made your life much harder. 

“I think you’re just fine at that.” God, you couldn’t even begin to explain the magnitude of your anger. He was sitting there on the other end of your couch after a week of saying nothing to you- which was mostly your fault, considering you hadn’t shown up for your little coffee date that week and had stoutly ignored any calls or texts he sent your way- but that wasn’t the point.

The point in question? The fact that despite having kissed you, he evidently hadn’t broken things off with Yeonmi.

He frowned, “What do you mean?” 

Now, it wasn’t as if you wanted him to break up with her for you or anything, but rather because it was the right thing to do. Of course, this wasn’t to say that you didn’t secretly hope the former would be the reason for it, but deep down, you knew that you couldn't even indulge in that. The incident had been eating away at you ever since it happened–

– Well, what exactly had happened?

You recalled the way you broke out of his touch the moment he whispered your name against your lips and brought you back to reality. You remembered how the crash felt, the way you had been on top of the world for a few seconds before it all crumbled right at your feet, the long-growing anticipation dying out into unadulterated guilt.

You remembered thinking of Yeonmi, your sweet, supportive friend who hadn’t done a single thing to deserve what you had just done to her. 

When that happened, you wordlessly left the confines of the kitchen, avoiding him for the rest of the evening. Your cheeks felt hot and you felt light headed, but you had to keep up your image until everyone had gone home. He disappeared some time after that, the reason unknown to Yeonmi, who informed you of his sudden departure. 

“I mean, you’ve done a great job at completely avoiding talking about Yeonmi before, so you should have no problem avoiding talking about whatever happened between us.”

He clenched his jaw. “That's not fair and you know it.”

You did. You were too proud to admit it to his face though, refusing to let him pummel through your already shattered dignity. “Whatever.” You were still seated, staring up at him in defiance as your fingernails dug into the cushioning of the couch.

“Don’t do that, don’t shut me out again. Talk to me.”

“I shut you out because you left me, Donghyuck. I’m sorry for not letting you back in with open arms, if that's what you wanted from me.” You were terrified of this, manic at possibly having to face the music. You were so much better at running away from it all, away from him.

He sighed in retirement. “We kissed.”

Your throat felt dry. “Yeah.” 

“Y/n-”

“Don’t,” you warned, feeling emotion bubble to the surface and crack into your speech against your will. 

“I want to talk about it. I need you to talk about it with me.”

Stupid, perfect Donghyuck. You loathed the way that even after everything, after all this time, trouble and everything in between, he was somehow still everything you had ever wanted.

You kept your voice airy and as light as possible although your tongue felt heavier than it had ever been. “If you’d like, we can pretend like it never happened in the first place, just like we pretended we weren’t a thing.”

A thing. What a gross, unjustified oversimplification of what you had with him when you were younger, and cruel too, but you had no choice. You had spent every waking hour going over the possibilities, every outcome of the situation you had stumbled into and had come to a singular conclusion: you were going to get hurt.

Donghyuck stared at you in disbelief, getting to his feet and pacing around the room as if he was trying to create space between him and you to get away, but coming back moments later. “Don’t pin that on me. That was all you.”

A bitter laugh left you as you stood up, now face to face with him. The tension was arid, almost choking you, but his gaze had an even more adverse effect, cutting right through you like you were nothing at all and holding you accountable. He was so close to you, close enough to reach out and touch and kiss once again if you so wished.

But wishing for the unattainable was futile.

His eyes dropped to your lips. Futility be damned, you wanted another taste of what it felt like to be kissed by Lee Donghyuck already, having been stripped of that luxury without having any say in it all those years ago. Just like that, you were breathless and your thoughts scattered, the air between him and you turning electric.

God, you were so tempted to just give in and press your lips to his, but you knew you couldn’t, no matter how the way he was looking at you made you consider risking it all.

“Oh and what did you expect me to say? That it was wonderful she was dating my ex-boyfriend?”

And that's when you heard glass shatter.

You startled, taking a step away from Donghyuck immediately and your head snapping to the direction of the sound, only to find Yeonmi standing by the door. 

Two broken glass bottles of coke lay near her feet, their contents spilled and pooled around her shoes. The look on her face told you everything you needed to know- the disbelief in her eyes and agape mouth, those features laced with striking betrayal. In the heat of your argument with Donghyuck, you hadn’t heard the door open, neither had you heard your roommate enter, and you were certain that she had heard that last bit. 

Worse, she had seen the two of you like that. It didn’t matter how quickly you had retreated away from him. 

The scene was horrific in her eyes, and you could only imagine it from her perspective. The man she was dating and her roommate, someone she trusted and considered close, looked as if they were about to kiss each other right in front of her as if she didn’t exist in the first place.

“Yeonmi– I can explain–” You scrambled to try and piece together something that sounded plausible. 

“Explain what, exactly?” She asked quietly, staring at you like she had seen a ghost. You had never heard her speak with such hollowness and it scared you. “That you, the both of you, lied to me?” 

You had nothing to say to that because it was completely true. Everything about this was your fault and you could relate to the betrayal that she felt right then, you understood the hurt that she undoubtedly was experiencing right then.

“It makes sense now,” she said, tears springing to her eyes as she looked from you to him. “How you knew she knew so much about you, why you suddenly distanced yourself from me when I thought things were going well.” Donghyuck exhaled, looking at the ceiling and shutting his eyes. “You never really wanted me.”

“I’m sorry, Yeonmi.” 

You watched as tears made their way down your friend's face. You felt like a fraud for still referring to her as a friend when you had been anything but one to her. She opened her mouth to say something, but it seemed like her grief took over, only a choked sob leaving her. 

“I never want to see you again.”

And she turned around and walked out, storming into the hallway outside your apartment. You followed her out as quickly as possible in desperation, leaving Donghyuck behind. The yellow hallway felt intimidating all of a sudden, as if it was staring you down for the sins you had committed against your roommate. “Yeonmi, wait–”

She stopped outside the elevator and turned around to face you. “Why?” Her question felt like a sharpened rod prodding at your heart, or perhaps a knife driving through you and leaving you there to bleed out. “Why did you lie to me?”

“I didn’t know what to do,” Your helplessness finally escaped you in a rush, your own tears gathering in your eyes. “I didn’t want to, I swear I never wanted to hurt you.” 

This was all wrong. You had never wanted to hurt someone else, you had never wanted to spread the pain you had carried with you all these years to her and had done everything in your power to avoid doing so. You had done everything you thought was right and yet here you were, having made a mess of it all anyway. 

“I never…” You trailed off, your voice failing you as your tears trickled down, stinging your skin with their heat. “I never meant for it to be like this. I’m so sorry.” 

“He’s your ex.”

You nodded miserably, burying your face in your hands and pressing your palms over your eyes hard. You let your hands slide into your hair, tugging in frustration before you gathered the courage to finally look at her again.

“A long time ago. We were kids.” 

“And you’re still in love with him.”

You didn’t bother answering that one because you knew it wasn’t a question, looking at your feet until your vision got blurry from all the tears, some of them dribbling down your chin and onto the thick carpet beneath your slippers, staining it a darker colour than it was. Of course you were in love with Donghyuck, but it had come in between her own falling for him and she, despite having done nothing wrong, had to suffer the consequences.

“Fuck,” she muttered, leaning against the wall. “You should have told me. I would have stopped seeing him immediately if I knew.”

This wasn’t groundbreaking news, you had inherently known this from the start. “I know.” 

“If you knew, then for fucks sake, why didn’t you tell me?” Her anger was warranted in every sense and ever scenario having to do with this, the force and outrage in her tone making you visibly flinch.

“Because,” you hesitated, before deciding that hiding anything more from her wouldn’t do you any good. “Because you were happy.”

She softened slightly at that. “But you weren’t, Y/n.”

“I hadn’t seen you that happy since…” You didn’t need to finish or mention her ex, you knew she understood. “I couldn’t bring myself to take that from you.”

She took a few steps towards you, failing to portray any malice now. “You ruined it anyways, and I think this is much worse.” Pity exuded off of her while she spoke to you, but just as quickly as you felt it, it was gone, replaced by the sheer magnitude of deception she felt. “You let me experience a false sense of happiness and consequently ruined it, and I don’t think I can ever forgive you for that.” 

You certainly didn’t expect her to. You didn’t even dare ask her for forgiveness, knowing that you didn’t deserve it at all. 

“But I can’t blame you for loving him. And I can’t blame him for being in love with you either because I can see it. It finally makes sense now.” She sighed in defeat, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. “I hate you.”

“I know.” 

“And I can’t be happy for you either, so I’m going to leave. I’ll stay over at Chaewons.”

You shook your head. “No, I should be the one who goes, you should stay at the apartment.”

“Yes, but I’m the one who deserves to have a friend to talk to, so I’m going to go.” You could tell how hard she was trying to remain calm, removing herself from the situation before she did anything stupid. She walked away from you and towards the elevator, calling it to your floor. You nodded, letting a defeated sigh escape your lungs.

“Okay. Drive safe. I’m sorry.” 

“I will.” Yeonmi stepped into the elevator and faced you one last time, pressing her lips together. “I’m sorry too Y/n, because I never want to see you again either.”

xii] then.

You occupied one of the swings, humming an idle tune you had heard on the radio earlier that day while you looked through your phone. Currently, it was 7:15 p.m, fifteen minutes after Donghyuck had promised to meet you at the park. You didn’t think much of it though, since he was usually on time and would show up soon enough.

“Hey.”

Speak of the devil.

You looked up from your scrolling to see him standing there a little away from you and smiled. He seemed out of breath as if he had run all the way here and his hair was tousled from the wind that blew, biting into your exposed skin. You realised you had left his jacket at home. 

“Hey you,” you hardly ever recognised the tone your cadence took on when it was directed towards him, and you couldn’t pinpoint when it switched to such transparent affection either, but you weren’t one to question such things. Your love for him was as sure as the cycle of the earth around the sun, an inevitable happenstance of fate. 

“I can’t stay for long,” he informed you regretfully, walking over and occupying the swing beside yours. “I have to be home earlier today.”

“That’s okay,” you checked the time. 7:17. “How early?”

He winced, “Eight technically, but I’m sure I can stretch it till eight-thirty.”

You waved this suggestion off, shaking your head. “Nah it’s fine, I don’t want you to get in trouble. We can talk while we walk home.”

“Okay.” He followed you out of the park and onto the streets. Still being winter, the days were short and the sky was already dark, the streetlights provided the pair of you with illumination, second to the moon peeking out from behind the clouds as if it was afraid to call the sky its own before its usual time. 

You reached for his hand, intertwining your fingers with his as you fell in step with him, enjoying the warmth he provided. “We can just hang out tomorrow.” The next day was a Sunday, which meant you had the entire day to yourselves if you so pleased.

His smile faltered slightly as he nodded. “Yeah, tomorrow.” 

You completely missed the uncertainty coating the word and the anxiety he felt right then, pulling him along with you as you walked. Teenage foolishness was truly a fool's paradise, your blissful unawareness blessing you with a bounce in your step and a worry free mind. Donghyuck meanwhile was struggling to keep up, his guilt making it feel as if his feet were heavier than ever, the knowledge he possessed and had effectively kept from you being the cause of his misery. 

So you talked about your day, the difficult question on your test that day and about Sakura’s progress with Yuta (which had been minimal at best, but you were proud of her nonetheless because at least now she could wave ‘hello’ to the boy). He listened to you chatter endlessly, the sound of your excited rambling distracting him from his troubles. There was never a moment he was bored when around you and he truly did love to listen to you talk. 

He’d miss that more than anything. He’d miss you more than anything he had ever had the chance to miss.

“Oh we’re here,” you stopped outside your house and turned to him, walking right into his arms for a quick goodbye hug, planting a chaste kiss upon his lips before you pulled away. “Thanks for walking me home.”

He swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded, watching as you began walking to your door. He already missed the feeling of your skin against his, wishing he had held you for a little bit longer. Was he already forgetting the taste of your kiss, even though you were only a few feet away from him?

“Y/n?”

You stopped and looked back at him, your smile visible in your eyes. “Yeah?”

He was leaving tonight. That was why he had to be home early, because it would be the last time he ever set foot in that house. Tonight he would be gone, and you still didn’t know a damn thing. It was too late to explain. That was his own doing and now he’d simply have to live with the guilt plaguing him for what would probably be the rest of his life. Every time he thought about you, it would attack him once more and push him underwater, holding him there until he ran out of breath. 

So he would have to settle for something small and manageable to quell his culpability, at least by a little. 

“I’m sorry.”

He knew that it wasn’t nearly enough to make up for everything. Two meagre words couldn’t do much at all and it wasn’t capable of fixing anything either, but it was the best he could do. His heart felt heavy, and he could feel his eyes sting with tears at the sight of your confused face at this, finally letting the unhappiness he felt crack through. “I’m so sorry.”

Concern bled into your features. “For what? Hyuck, are you okay?”

Donghyuck shook his head and blinked rapidly to stop himself from crying in front of you, stuffing his hands into his pockets and taking a step back. “Yeah, I’m fine, I just– see you tomorrow.”

And with that, he walked away, leaving you to eye his figure as it sauntered down the street and disappeared around the corner. He was confusing sometimes, switching from being happy to something entirely else within seconds. 

You opened the door and walked into your house as night fell.

The next day, he was late again. 

Usually he would pick you up on holidays before you went anywhere, but today he was nowhere to be seen. It was noon now, and you glanced outside your window, anticipating his car to pull into your lane any moment now.

You momentarily entertained the idea of him possibly forgetting. It did seem like he had a lot on his mind as of late, so you wouldn’t blame him if he had. The only issue was that he wasn’t texting you back, nor was he answering your calls and so you decided to stop waiting around for him to show up, opting to go over to his house instead.

The sky was cloudy that day, a chill in the air that had you remembering to pull on a jacket before you set out this time, the gravel beneath your feet crunching loudly in the silence of the afternoon. Most of the town took their midday nap on a Sunday such as this one, making it seem a lot quieter than it was.

So when you walked up to his door and noticed all the lights in the house seemed to be off, you didn’t think much of it, preparing to apologise for disturbing if his mother happened to answer as you rang the bell. 

No response.

You frowned, waiting a minute or so before ringing the bell again twice in succession. When nothing happened, you slipped your phone out of your pocket and clicked on his contact, holding it up to your ears. It didn’t ring at all, immediately playing a recorded message instead.

‘This contact is temporarily out of service.’

Your intuition kicked in, telling you that something was inherently very wrong. Swallowing thickly, you tried ringing the bell one last time, louder than before.

“Y/n? What are you doing here sweetheart?”

You looked over to your right to see a lady in her fifties- a friend of your mothers- standing outside the neighbouring house, wrapped up in a robe. Embarrassment at causing a disturbance flared up inside of you as you rushed to explain yourself.

“I’m sorry Aunty, I just wanted to visit my friend Donghyuck.” You gestured toward the door to aid in your explanation, earning a perplexed look from her end.

“He’s not here anymore.”

There it was again, your intuition kicking you from the inside and clawing up, dread beginning to fill you. “I–I’m not sure I understand Aunty.” 

“They moved out sometime late last night, his mother had told me about it a month or so ago when she needed help fixing a hole in the wall to get her deposit back from their landlord. I had my husband help her– but that’s beside the point. They’re gone.”

The implication of the new information hadn’t quite registered yet, leaving you to stare at the lady, dumbfounded. “Gone,” you repeated under your breath. “Oh.”

“I thought you knew since you were such good friends with her son.” Friends. The word sounded bitter right then, because you had been so much more than that, but as you stood there and listened to your mothers friend talk, you wondered if you even qualified for that. Didn’t friends tell each other things? 

“Is everything okay, darling?” Why didn’t he tell you?

“It must have slipped my mind. I’m sorry for disturbing you Aunty.”

She waved it off, forgiving you easily and retreating back into her house. You stared at the door.

He couldn’t have been gone- it made no sense whatsoever. Just yesterday he had been by your side and had made plans to meet with you today. Why would he have done that if he was going to leave?

I’m sorry.

His cryptic words from the day before rushed back to you and you gasped to yourself when their magnitude finally hit you, causing you to stumble back and off of the landing of the house. He did know, he knew and had blatantly lied to your face without a second thought. Your mind went into overdrive as you tried to piece what had just happened together to form a coherent set of thoughts, failing miserably at doing so.

Two things were clear: Donghyuck was gone and you had no idea where or why. 

You tried calling him again, punching in his number into the dial pad almost furiously, willing him to pick up. When the same monotone message repeated itself, you cursed, accidentally dropping your phone onto the path you stood on in your frenzy.

“No, no, no, no” There was a certain manic quiver to your voice as you picked up the device, staring at his profile picture. It seemed to mock you now, the bright smile he sported in it that portrayed joy directly challenging the torrential downpour of agony that you were inflicted with, thus rendered utterly despaired.

Your boyfriend was gone, and he hadn’t bothered to tell you about it. 

The boy you loved, heck, the person you adored and meant the most to you in the entire world had left you without so much as a proper goodbye, leaving you behind to wonder why. You hadn’t the faintest idea where he could have been at that moment, just knowing that he wasn’t where he had promised he’d be and where you needed him most.

Hot tears spilled out of your eyes, catching onto your eyelashes and making it hard for you to see. You didn’t bother to stand back up, the asphalt beneath your knees digging into it harshly, no doubt going to leave a few minor cuts. The amount of questions you had were innumerable, each one crashing into the other until your head was full of incomprehensible nonsense that made it spin. 

It felt too normal for him to have been gone. The rest of the town functioned as normal and yet it felt as if your entire world had just been flipped upside down.

When Sakura and Chenle sat you down and asked you about what had happened when they found you sitting all alone in the park after skipping school a few days later, you left out the parts describing how you desperately tried ringing the bell a few more times afterwards. You didn’t tell them about how you had so hoped that it was an elaborate prank, nor did you go into detail about how many times you had called him, hoping and praying for him to pick up. 

The days melted into weeks without Donghyuck. 

You hated how it felt as if he was everywhere, having tainted all your favourite places and being the majority of your most beloved memories. You half expected him to walk out from around a corner and surprise you, taking you in his arms and kissing your forehead.

But hope is a foolish sentiment, especially hope fueled by naive teenage fallacies. The rose tinted glasses that had been worn by you for the months you had been with Donghyuck seemed to fade in their vitality, sucking out all the colour from your life until it felt as if you were left with a dull combination of greys and blue hues to paint the rest of your life with. You were missing the components that gave it warmth.

For you, Donghyuck was the sun, enigmatic, alluring and all too elusive. He was everything you could ever ask to have and yet just outside your reach, your fingertips barely brushing against it before it disappeared again. You quickly learned that you were the moon, waiting amidst the stars and hoping for those moments when both the sun and moon were painted across the same canvas of sky. 

That very sky had fractured into a kaleidoscope of colours when he left, leaving you to pick up the shards of your broken heart.

xiii] now.

You stood in the doorway of what used to be Yeonmi’s room, comparing it to how you remembered it looking before. The only thing left was the bedframe and an old cupboard, the rest of the room was bare.

She had moved out a couple days after the incident, leaving you alone in the apartment. You would have to look for another roommate or simply cover her part of the rent yourself considering you could afford to now with your promotion. Still, the silence was overwhelming, reminding you constantly of how easily you had ruined a friendship.

It seemed to be one of the core themes of your life- to experience debilitating loss over and over without having any time to prepare for the same.

The doorbell rang. 

Ungluing yourself from her former doorframe, you dragged yourself to the door and opened it, your eyes widening in question when it fell upon the person who stood there.

“Y/n."

Donghyuck stared back at you with those captivating eyes of his, pulling you into a trance of sorts instantaneously.  You forced yourself to snap out of it.

“What are you doing here?”

He combed his fingers through his hair, evidently agitated. “I didn’t know what else to do. You won’t answer my calls and I need to talk to you, even if you don’t want to.” 

You were so tired, the events that had transpired over the past few weeks crushing you beneath the weight of it all. Looking at him now, all you could do was weakly shake your head, a frantic sort of fear consuming you whole. 

“No,” you said, taking a step back. “I don’t not want to talk to you, I can’t.”

“Why?”

The question made you freeze in place, your feet rooted to the flooring of your apartment. Why? After everything that had transpired, it was for some reason much too hard for you to answer although the answer was at the forefront of your thoughts and on the tip of your tongue. Truthfully, you were afraid to sound it out, knowing that you wouldn’t be able to convey it correctly.

When he left you eight years ago, you didn’t have the opportunity to talk to him. He had taken away that possibility for you without ever considering if you’d want it, and gradually you grew used to silently harbouring ache that bloomed in your ribcage. 

It occurred to you then that the same was the reason he wanted to talk. Donghyuck had forced himself to cut you off in every way after he moved, following his own teenage justifications that told him it was for the best. Now, older and wiser, he knew not to repeat the misdeeds of his youth, but the very opposite notion had been instilled in you.

“Donghyuck,” you whispered his name, giving him a knowing look, one that was filled with so much sadness and despair that he could barely recognise you. Where was the ever-cheery girl he had fallen for?

Was he the cause for her disappearance?

If so, he promised himself he’d be the one to bring her back too. “Be with me.”

You gasped softly at his proposition, shaking your head furiously, “Are you insane?”

He simply nodded, taking a step closer towards you. “Yes. About you, I’ve always been insane about you.” Conviction hung onto every word, and perhaps if you were younger you would have swooned and run straight back into his arms. 

You missed your naivety, for life would have been so much easier with it. It was a boon, but now you were wary for the sake of your fragile heart. You could feel your teenage wistfulness rise to the surface as if it was trying to break out of the cage you had locked it in, doing its best to claw its way out and hand the rest of the pieces of your heart over to the man who had the missing bit you had been searching for all these years without him. 

But you knew better.

Instead, you shook your head, squeezing your eyes shut as if that would make him go away. “No, no, no.” It seemed to be the only word your tongue could form right then and so you repeated it over and over, clinging onto what it meant as if you were trying to convince yourself that you truly meant it. “I can’t be with you.”

“Yes, you can. You know you can.” His own desperation began to shine through, exposing his own years of heartache. He had waited so long for a moment like this. Every goddamn day since the day he had left you, he had regretted it, heartache permanently etched into his bones.

You snapped your eyes open, disbelief overtaking. “Are you serious?”

“Dead serious. Be with me.”

“We just hurt Yeonmi,” you said, your words getting caught in your throat. Then, once again, your chagrin towards him glared up as you glared. “And that was because she happened to walk in on us talking. What if she had seen us kiss? Tell me, would we even be having this conversation if she hadn’t found us?”

“I…” He frowned and you scoffed. 

“Would you have ever broken it off with her?” Or would I have had to deal with our intertwined web of lies all by myself? The bitter thought lingered.

“Yes.” The answer was immediate. “If you wanted that, I would have done it.”

“Of course I wanted it!” You blurted out, your fingers curling into the palm of your hand into a fist. “But I couldn’t want it, because she was my friend, Donghyuck. Even if you had broken it off, I still couldn’t do a damn thing.” 

He swallowed thickly, “I know, its fucked up, but I–”

“Yeah, fucked up. Too fucked up for me to even think about being with you.”

“But you have, haven’t you?” The question threw you off, and as if he had magically read your mind, he clarified, “You have thought about it.”

You froze, and your silence betrayed you immensely. There wasn’t a single lie you could have uttered in response that would have been convincing enough, not even to yourself. 

“I can do it this time,” he said so earnestly that it broke your heart all over again, his coffee-coloured eyes pleading with you. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll never leave you again Y/n, I’m not a kid anymore. I can be here for you.” Promises fell from his mouth, sweet pledges and assurances that felt like balm to your wounded soul. 

But how were you supposed to trust the very person that had given you trust issues? 

How were you supposed to put those trust issues to the side and take him back with open arms without bruising your dignity any further? How were you to do it without falling apart?

Melancholy was a funny thing to have taken over you right then, self pity flooding your system, as well as pity for him. For so long, you had blamed him, but now that you took a step back and viewed your situation, you realised that you would have to do the very same thing he did so long ago.

The cyclical nature of life was pitilessly cruel, ravaging everything in its path no matter the case. It had brought you back to all you had ever known and wanted, all the while forcing you to let go, pulling the rug from under your feet without giving you the chance to find your footing. It had made him leave you and come back, only to have you walk away because of how wrong things were. 

Love found in dark, twisted places was never love that was meant to be nurtured. Love emerging from lies and deceit, situations that were impossible- it was love that would forever have to be left behind, no matter how pure it might have once been.

“I can’t love you.” 

“Y/n please-” 

“I’ve already hurt her, and if I love you again I’m going to hurt myself as well because I–I’m always the one that's left to sit and think about you. And it fucking hurts Donghyuck, it hurts.” You couldn’t believe him when he said he’d stay, because he had told you the very same thing all those years ago. You couldn’t be with him without guilt haunting your every move when you had so severely hurt Yeonmi due to your own agony.

You didn’t even realise you had started crying, tears cascading down your face. It was all so unfair, how something that had always been advertised as being simple had been anything but for you. Love had never once ended well for you, constantly picking you up and throwing you back down subsequently without giving you a moment to breathe.

Love was supposed to be the most beautiful thing in the entire world, so why was it so goddamn ugly? 

It crushed him to see you like this, so openly broken and yet guarded at the same time, your wall built up so high that he wasn’t sure he could ever break it back down again. He hated how it was him who always brought you to this point, and he tried to reach out to you to wipe away your tears, but you only flinched away from his touch. 

How the hell had you ended up like this? 

“Then tell me you don’t feel it.” He had to know. He needed to hear it from you.

Your lower lip quivered. “Feel what?”

God, you felt so much. Just looking at him was enough to stir up a surfeit of emotions that you hadn't the faintest clue how to handle, but one in particular overpowered the others, an ache emanating from your rib cage that was so potent, it exhausted you.

“Feel what you did when we were sixteen. Say it.”

Sixteen. You had felt so loved by another that barely understood the concept of it himself at the time, its meaning so completely untainted by the passage of time and complications that came. That innocence wasn’t to be found within you, but the remnants of it had grown and interwoven itself with what only he could bring out of you.

“I–”

“I’ll say it then, because goddamnit Y/n I love you.” The look on Donghyuck’s face ripped right through you. “I’ve always loved you, from the moment I saw you when we were teenagers. You’re the only person I’ve ever been in love with and I know you love me too.”

It fucking hurt. You couldn’t understand how the only person in the world who understood you so completely and saw right through everything you were was the one person you couldn’t let yourself be with. It was Donghyuck who used to notice even a slight switch in your mood when you were upset and it was him who would cheer you up the best he could. It was him who used to let you ramble on into the late of night and text you into the wee hours of the morning and him who now naturally gravitated towards you, just as you did to him. It was his jacket that you still had buried somewhere in your closet from all those years ago, with you unable to let go of it no matter how hard you tried. 

Even now when you had only reunited for a bitterly short period of time, he was still the one who intrinsically knew every part of you. He knew you loved him still.

You inhaled sharply, noticing the red tint to the white of his eyes, realising that he too was struggling to keep himself together right then. Shaking your head slowly, you moved closer towards his figure, touching his face gently and cupping it between your palms, searching his eyes intently.

“I love you.”

He shut his eyes the moment you said it, tears slipping down and catching on your fingertips as you brushed them away. 

“But even you know we can’t be together.”

The world had ripped the two of you away from each other once, and you had to trust that there was a reason for it. You knew you couldn’t let yourself go back because it was simply not meant to be with the circumstances and cards life had dealt you.

You loved Donghyuck- fuck, you loved him more than you thought was possible, and it still wasn’t enough. Neither of you could communicate through anything and shit was a hell of a lot more complicated than it was when you were just teenagers. He was right, he wasn’t a kid anymore and neither were you, but too much had happened. The timing was never right for him and you, there was always one thing or the other standing in the way, and the repercussions of everything was too much for you to simply put in the past, making the two of you something that would never work.

“I know.” 

The syllables left his lips so brokenly that you instinctively had the urge to somehow fix him- whatever part of him that was fractured. The front he had been parading around, the false sense of confidence that he had pretended to have about you had finally collapsed, leaving him with a truth he hadn’t come to terms with just yet. The resignation he possessed broke you further, and you pressed your lips to his firmly, trying to mend your fragmented souls.

But it was fruitless. This was a brokenness that you would have to learn to live with until time bandaged your matching wounds, dulling it down into what would one day just be the thought of how terribly it burned. 

“I’m sorry,” you whispered against his mouth. “I love you.”

Disentangling himself from you, he stepped outside of your apartment and looked at you, imagining you once again the way he had first met you. 

“I love you too.”

It was ironic, how words could mean something entirely different to what they were, how seemingly unrelated sentences were connected, a confession of affection serving the same purpose as a final farewell. Goodbyes of such permanence were merciless things and so when presented with one so absolutely brutal, he couldn’t help but think about the beginning, from the very first hello that passed between him and you. 

I love you. The very last time you’d ever hear it from him.

Those fragile, lovely rose tinted glasses you wore in your youth had snapped a long time ago, and you could see everything for what it was.

And now, he could too.

Time was said to heal all wounds, but only if it was a wound that was ready to be healed.

Everything about Donghyuck and you was unfinished back then, the millions of questions you had haunting your every move ever since it had so abruptly ended. For eight years that wound had been left wide open and time had only assisted in letting it fester, burying its memory deep within your psyche.

But time also brought wisdom in its stride. 

You picked up the mail your new roommate had left on your coffee table, shifting through the pile until you found the envelopes with your name on them. Leaving the rest behind, you made your way to your room, sighing in relief at finally being back in your comfort space.

Sitting atop your bed, you began opening each envelope. A letter from your grandmother who refused to learn how to send you a text, a card from an aunt and a few bills- the usual collection, but one stood out from the rest. The sender's address was entirely unfamiliar to you, and you frowned lightly, carefully tearing open the top and tipping out its contents.

A soft gasp escaped your lips.

Right there on your lap lay two tickets to Lee Jieun’s upcoming concert.

As if you were afraid that they would disintegrate, you gently picked them up and inspected them, in utter disbelief at the fact that you were holding them. You had failed to get tickets of your own when you had tried and yet here you were with not one, but two of them in your grasp- and they were the expensive kind, the ones where you had access to go backstage and meet the artists as well. 

For a moment you entertained the possibility of this being a mistake, but then you stopped your train of thought when it slammed head first into the only explanation as to how they had gotten here.

A small, wistful smile crept up upon you as you glanced back at the envelope, noticing a small piece of paper still inside. Taking it out, a breathless chuckle was all you managed after reading what it said.

‘Thought I’d at least keep this promise. – L.D’

Suddenly, you were taken back to that cafe where you had the conversation with Donghyuck. You hadn’t stepped foot in there since the last time you saw him- over two months ago when you knew it was over. 

Sometimes, a story doesn’t have to have an ending to be finished. 

You knew that a part of you would always love Donghyuck due to the ephemeral, innocent nature of the young love you had for him that had been ingrained within you. You had made your peace knowing that the two of you were something written into the world to die out eventually, something that you had to let go of even if it made no sense to you.

It was apparent that this was a love that could never truly be yours, as magnificent as it seemed it had never been yours to begin with in the first place. It was a mishmash of bad timing and rash teenage decisions mixed in with that sort of hopelessness you only found in the blissful oblivion of adolescence. You could wish and want a million things, but at the end of the day, now and then, some things were simply not meant to be.

The love between the two of you was something you were never supposed to claim, time and time again slipping through your fingers, and yet you still grieved for its loss.

But grief could be overcome. You shut your eyes, imagining his cheeky smile and fond eyes, the way he’d look at you while you were talking and all the pretty, empty promises he had made. All the talks of the future that had always been fractured for the two of you and moments of tenderness.

For once, you didn’t just picture him apologising to you over and over again, that ache having finally dulled out.

And when you opened your eyes, you didn’t feel sixteen anymore, instead you felt as if time had passed almost too quickly and reality was finally catching up. You felt older, properly this time, and much more experienced. 

Donghyuck had been your first love at the tender age of sixteen, the cause of your flushed cheeks and racing heart; affectionate, shy smiles and chaste kisses underneath streetlights. He had been the torrential downpour of rain upon a stormy sea, as violent as it was beautiful. All you felt about him had only ever been intense in nature, your youthfulness unable to process them in any other way. Now, looking back, perhaps there were several things you would have done differently, and maybe some you wouldn’t have done at all.

You would remember it all, every single detail of course, but when you thought about Donghyuck, you’d think about all the good. You’d remember laughing out over him singing along to your favourite songs on the radio while aimlessly driving around town, the late night conversations you’d sneak out together to have and the ice cream you’d share on hotter summer days. You’d think about his infectious laugh and the way he always managed to make you happy, the way he’d take care of you when you were sick and kiss your forehead goodbye each and every time. How your hand would perfectly fit in his, fingers intertwined and clasped together tight, how he’d whisper the three words that you so cherished back then at the most unexpected of times. You’d remember the love that was very real and very much lost and its seemingly magical, wild nature that you doubted you’d ever find again. 

You’d remember sixteen.

fin.

[vad-hander]

YOU KNOW WE'RE NOT COMPATIBLE, RIGHT?

pairing: Haechan x reader

others: Mark, Jaemin, Jeno as Haechan's friends.

genre: smut | angst | fluff | college AU | fuck buddies AU to lovers | series

warnings: reader is mean and degrading towards Haechan throughout the fic (but nothing serious), mentions of drugs and alcohol, mentions of stealing, Haechan gets injured (breaks his leg, no graphic descriptions), explicit description of sexual interactions between Haechan and reader, unrequited love, reader has issues with showing her feelings, scared of other people's opinion

words: 12k

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3

“Come with me.” Haechan barked from behind you. You jumped in your seat startled, turning around to face the boy that approached you all of a sudden, in the daytime, when you were obviously chilling with your friends between classes. You were ready to follow behind just to crush his head.

“Who…” You squinted your eyes, placing your palm over your eyes trying to act nonchalantly “What is it about?” you furrowed your eyebrows since he suddenly thought he had the right to talk to you like that in front of your friends, and to be fair - talk to you in general. 

“Ugh… Haechan, right?” Eunsoo spoke to break the awkward silence. 

“Right.” he kept his eyes focused on you. 

“I heard about your accident, I hope your leg doesn’t hu-“ 

“Are you coming with me or what?” he barked again. 

“I’m asking, what is it about?” you spoke calmly, you weren’t about to show your friends that you had anything to worry about when it came to him, and to be honest, you really did not have a thing to worry about. Or at least that’s the thought you had for a split second and then you just swallowed it like it never was there. 

Haechan opened his mouth and didn’t even begin to speak when your heart fell down your butt and you stood up from the bench busily, allowing for your heart to wobble somewhere around your heels. You just had a sudden strike he’d say something inappropriate just because he had something up in his head once again and just because that’s what he liked to do by nature. “Whatever.” you sighed uninterested and allowed for him to walk you wherever he wanted. “So it’s you who has things up his ass now?” you chuckled when you were sure your friends couldn’t hear you anymore. ”Mood swings are kinda silly coming from you, you sure your head’s okay? I’m certain the bike accident has to do something with it.” 

“Are you done now?” he asked with a visibly lighter tone, turning around to face you. 

“What is it? We were together just yesterday, why are you in such an urgency to find me? Especially with that tone and right in front of my friends?” 

“When did you leave?” he cut straight to the question that lingered on his mouth for way too many hours.

“I don’t remember exactly, I woke up because you were heavy on me and thought I should go back home.” 

“You should’ve just pushed me to the side.” 

“But I decided to leave.” you were calm when he didn’t seem like it.

“Didn’t we agree on you staying?”

“Haechan, I saved you the morning awkwardness, you should be thankful. Is that even why you’re mad? Seriously?” you cackled “Get a grip.” 

“You’re unbelievable.”

“Why are you acting like I stole jewels from you or something? I said I’d go to bed with you, I did. Why are you even bitching about the fact I left… like, what do you want to hear?”

“I don’t know.” his face expression died, his face was as blank as white paper.

“I don’t understand.”

“Maybe you’re right.”

“About?”

“Maybe my head’s messed up after the concussion I had and I see things that aren’t there.” 

“See! I told you!” you clapped, smirking at him satisfied. “The old Haechan would not even acknowledge my presence unless he wanted to drag me somewhere to fuck and the new you is throwing a weird tantrum out of nowhere because I left you… alone in bed?” you laughed and then focused your eyes on Haechan. He wasn’t laughing and you had to swallow the laugh and look back at him in all seriousness. 

“Okay.” he grabbed onto his crutches properly like he planned to walk away. 

“Mmh?” you gulped. 

“I’ll find you if I’ll need you.” 

“Deal.” you bowed slightly at him as he turned around and slowly crawled away. 

“What was that weird encounter about?” Eunsoo cackled. 

“I think he has brain trauma.”

“What?” Sua giggled into her palm. 

“He’s just been annoying me with all those questions about the classes we take, like I’m the only one who goes there besides him.” you sighed loudly, closing your eyes to seem more nonchalant while lying, pressing your back against the backrest of the bench. 

“Just a thought. What if he’s the milk guy?”

“Huh?” you raised your heads in unison with Sua. 

“Eunsoo, I’d rather choke.” 

“Yeah me too. And I’m not even the one receiving those milks” Sua nodded. 

“I’m going to ask Jeno about it, he would totally know.” she smirked. “I don’t find him that bad even, I kind of wanted to hug him after watching him struggle with those crutches.” she sighed with a pout. ”Sad thing we’re hating him, I feel bad now.”

“Wait, but why are we even hating on Haechan?” Aeri asked making your whole group jump in surprise. 

“When did you come here?” you held onto your chest in shock. 

“A minute ago or so.” She shrugged. 

“Because Jaemin’s ex-girlfriend said Haechan was total trash to a girl that liked him and then the word spread.” 

“Trash like in a really bad way?”

“Jesus, Aeri, in a bad way.” Sua sighed “I think he sells things to kids too.” 

“No he doesn’t.” you said amused, only realising that you spoke in Haechan’s defence when all eyes focused on you. “I mean, he doesn’t seem like he does. I had a few encounters in class with him, as you remember.”

“He’s a trash human if he can’t respect a girls feelings, that’s enough for me. I hate him. I think she told me besides flirting with her he had three other girls. All three he ”loved”. ” Sua stated, drawing brakets in the air.

“I’m friends with Jeno, I can’t say anything bad happened when Haechan was around.” Eunsoo raised her eyebrows. “He was just… fine? I’m not so sure now he’s that bad since I have seen him a couple of times.”

“He could be a cool guy with his friends and then be an ass when it comes to women. Even the way he spoke to Y/n? Total trash.” Sua rolled her eyes. “He probably doesn’t even shower.” She found important to add and you chuckled weirdly at her assumption. He actually smelled so attractively every time you had your face tucked into his skin, you wouldn’t believe if someone told you about it. 

“Okay, Sua, let’s go to philosophy.” you jumped up and clapped your hands in front of her face. “Let’s go, let’s go.” you gestured at her as if she was a dog, the girl happily following you behind. 

-

“So…” Eunsoo placed her lunch on the table, your eyes following the movement of her fingers, as she lined up her chopsticks and spoon. 

“So?” you smiled. 

”Jeno is planning on renting a boat next weekend. He said we should come.”

“Why?”

“The more people the more fun. That’s a quote. Plus, they’re mostly boys and we’re girls.”

“Is he just trying to split the rent?” you squinted your eyes suspiciously “I’m not paying to spend time with him.” 

“It’s not just him, all of his friends, I’m coming. Sua and Aeri I’m sure will come.” 

“Why would they?”

“Sua has an endless wish to party and spend money, as a bonus she has ridiculous amounts of that money on her card, why wouldn’t she?” 

“You’re right.” you cackled. “But still, I don’t want to.” 

“Okay, but if you’re changing your mind then just text me.”

“Yea-a-h.” you nodded, lowering your head to get a spoonful of soup in your mouth. 

from: Lee Haechan

“8 pm on friday.”

Your phone vibrated, attracting your eyes to the screen. 

 to: Lee Haechan 

“I don’t know where I’ll be on Friday night yet”

from: Lee Haechan 

“In my bed, cupcake, isn’t it obvious?” 

You swallowed thickly as your eyes ran over the screen multiple times. 

“Is that Sua? Tell her I’m at the cafeteria.” 

“Yeah.” you chewed on meat, taking another piece into your mouth. 

“Yeah?”

“Mmh?” you asked confused, focusing your eyes on the girl in front of you. 

“Wasn’t that Sua?”

“No, that was family chat.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah.” you smiled. 

-

“Punctuality is not your strong side, cupcake.” Haechan smirked as your feet walked over the threshold. 

“Says a person with no strong sides at all.” 

“You’re losing your time.”

“What?” You furrowed. 

“You have to leave at 10.” 

“Why did you even bother to ask me come here?” 

“Because two hours are more than enough for you and I and now that you’re showing up late I’m going to be in a hurry.”

“I can just leave.” you pointed with your fingers at the door confused. What was going on in his head, again? Haechan pulled on your wrist to get you out of his way, closing the door to the apartment. 

“You were all mad when I left last week and now you’re setting time boundaries for when I should leave. Trying to pay me back?” you squinted your eyes at him, placing fingers over his cheek to underline the shape of his lower lip with your thumb. Haechan paused and stared down at your face distracted, not biting you back. You moved your hand away, dropping carefully both of them over his shoulder. You could feel his hands hold onto your waist as you leaned back a little before placing your head in front of his. 

You were thinking just a moment ago how to get the atmosphere in the room moving, since it was pretty much dead when you came in and the tension that was meant to spark the ignite and make you want each other was nowhere to be seen, but now as his hands ran lightly over your clothed skin, making you shiver in all the right places you felt for sure he could get you anywhere he wanted in no time. 

As his head lowered closer to your face your fingers walked over his shoulder to lock behind his neck, trying to make him bend more to let you kiss his lips. You gasped as his head ditched your kiss right when your lips were about to connect with his. 

“Let’s not break the rules we’ve set anymore.”

“What?” you asked confused as Haechan, worked his hand up your stomach to knead on your breasts suddenly. “I hate you.” you mumbled with a sigh. 

Haechan flushed your body against his, hiding his face in the crook of your neck, burning the skin with his hot breath. 

“I want you, we can fuck and then you go.” you opened your mouth and closed it back when he continued “Just like we’ve initially agreed on.” you pushed him off you, to take a good look at his face. 

He was playing, testing you because you always kept him on edge, Haechan let his guard down when he came up to you all disappointed about your absence. He must’ve understood it now and at his first chance he wants to make you cry for him in return. Make you cry for him, ask him to break the rules you’ve set so he’d be the upper hand in this. 

“Mmh, okay.” you nodded “I like that you finally came to your senses.” you took your shoes off quickly, grabbing the material of his shirt into your fist to lead him to his bedroom. He seemed to be walking much quicker on those crutches by now.

Haechan sat down on the bed, watching you pull all of the clothes off your body. 

“Why are you not taking your clothes off?” you looked at him with drawn on your face confusion. 

“Yeah, I am.” he gulped and began to move. 

“When is your leg getting better?”

“Soon.” 

“I hope so, I was thinking it’s better we do it from the back.” You caught onto his eyes with yours, trying to see his reaction properly. If he wants to play, you’ll play along. 

“Why?”

“Less eye contact.” you watched him struggle to pull his sweats off. “Since we’re doing it this way now…” you sounded like you didn’t finish your sentence, but you did. You just wanted him to tell you he was against the idea but he didn’t, finally pulling the pants down his legs. 

“Mmh?” he asked too innocently, you almost fell to your knees to kiss his body. 

“Touch me.” you stood between his legs. Haechan stared at your stomach almost dumbfounded, he didn’t seem to be in his right mind. But then again, you weren’t sure which one of the states he usually was in was considered the norm.  

Your fingers ran through his hair, catching Haechan’s attentive eyes on you. “Just like you always do it, a brush of your fingers through my skin and I’m moaning your name in no time. You love me like that, right?” 

“For that I need to get you wasted and I don’t have the time.” 

“Are you insulting me or confessing you’re unable to turn me on?” you cackled, lowering your body in front of him. Your palms put pressure on his thighs, as your knees hit the carpeting. 

“Gonna blow me?” mischievous smile lit up his face, Haechan placed his fingers over your cheek, drawing a soothing circle with his thumb. Somehow this little gesture felt too emotionally attaching and you wondered if you went out of your mind too, looking for whatever sense in his actions. 

You didn’t actually mean to blow him, at least not before he mentioned it. You began to lean in because you wanted to kiss him, out of habit, to start it going, not because you were attracted to him or anything, just because that was how things started. But as you began to move an internal slap brought you back to reality. You were the one not allowing kissing as fuck buddies, you just recently threw a tantrum and now be the one to brake the rule the moment you get a chance? Hell no. You sat down on your knees in front of his body almost naked and wondered if giving him head wasn’t something over the line for your arrangement. 

“Do you have time for that?” 

“I’ll gladly be late if that’s the reason.” Haechan’s finger moved to trail your lower lip. 

“I kind of owe you one anyway.” you made sure to let him know this wasn’t your greatest desire, even if it, maybe, suddenly was, Haechan had to be reassured of the fact it wasn’t. 

“If owing me one pressures you much.” he smirked too charmingly, you looked away. 

“It actually weights on my shoulders a whole lot.” you decided to return his gaze from under your lashes. 

“Go ahead then.” he smiled but controlled his cheekbones the next moment, making them go down. His whole face concentrated on your actions, on every mere movement of your chest, even. 

Haechan rolled his hips closer to the edge of the bed, leaning back a little with arrogance all over his face. 

That stupid wish to kiss him once again returned into your head. You imagined perfectly how you’d lick his lips carefully, go down his body and get in front of his cock but the plan inside your head set you to go against your own rule and it stressed you out. 

Planning sexual interactions with Haechan when you were sober stressed you out, getting in front of him on your knees without having an actual plan somehow made it unbearable. 

Were you really having that metaphorical stick up your ass all the time Haechan talked about? This probably wasn’t the best time to reflect on your life, so you ran your hands up his toned and tanned thighs, straightening your back to place a single kiss over his neck. 

Haechan caught your head on the way back with fingers, tangling them through your hair on accident. You wondered what he intended on doing, when his hand just simply kept you in place. You looked back at him and tried to lighten the atmosphere in that closed up space between your half naked bodies, but the way Haechan was gazing back at you was of no help to make it feel not so heavy. He kind of made you want to cry just by staring and you couldn’t work out why, you just felt even more hot than before all over your body and maybe wanted him to give in and lean in. The more he held you in place the more it felt like he was losing an inner battle. You couldn’t bare it anymore, you ran a hand up his torso, wrapping it over his neck. You pulled your heads closer, almost making the two of you brush your lips. 

“Are you done looking?” you wanted to sound arrogant but your lips touched for a split second and you were taken aback by the sudden connection Haechan initiated by moving his head, you being too wet already, squeezing your hips together to not burn alive. “Aren’t you wasting your time?” you moved your head a little back to not make you touch lips again. Your hand found Haechan’s crotch blindly, rubbing your palm up and down just to test the waters. He felt semi-hard and it made your heart a little more at ease, you weren’t the only one in this room getting turned on just by staring each other in the eye. Perhaps, you two were out of your right minds this very moment. 

Haechan loosened his grip, letting you know you can move, not moving his hand completely away for whatever reason he had. 

You tried to kill away your awkwardness. To be fair, this wasn’t even awkwardness, it’s just that things you weren’t an expert in gave you headaches and you were no expert in giving blowjobs-

Scratch that, you landed your lips on Haechan’s collarbone, quickly trailing them down his chest and stomach, squeezing your hand in a slow rhythm over his length. You skipped his lower abdomen to get to the centre of your attention quicker, pressing your lips over his length through the underwear. Haechan’s fingers left your head, going back to support his upper body to stay vertical. You raised your eyes to see if he was watching you, he probably was, but you still needed to check if you were right, for a confidence boost. You moved your lips up to where it seemed the head was, feeling him twitch as your lips touched him again. Haechan’s eyes blinked quickly, returning his hand into your hair. 

“Don’t tease. I still want to fuck you.” you moved your face away, biting onto your lower lip as your hands worked to free him completely. Haechan’s cock sprang up his stomach, you raised your eyes up to see his face expression, reaching a hand to hold onto the base of his shaft, lowering your head closer to it. 

Sticking your tongue out you licked a long stripe from the base up to the tip on the underside. Haechan’s chest stiffened as your hand began to move up and down around him to support your tongue. You licked over the tip before your mouth swallowed half of him,  bobbing your head only once, to let go of him, stripes of saliva that still connected you two giving away your previous motion. You ran your fingers over his length with a little twist midway, allowing your tongue to explore the sensitive skin at the base of his cock, leaving quick paced licks over the skin, not forgetting to move your hand over the tip with a little squeeze, going back to rhythmical bobs of your head and hand. 

Even though Haechan panted and breathed harder than before, even though there was every sign of him liking what you did it felt like it wasn’t enough, at least, to you. 

You moved your face away, readjusting your posture to a more comfortable one, pumping his cock deliberately with one of your hands. 

As you opened your mouth once again, Haechan’s fingers found your face, drawing simple lines. He then moved his hand over to your neck for the same purpose, squeezing his fingers over your skin as you bobbed your head down on his length, touching his pelvis with your nose as he hit the back of your throat. You moved your head then in a rhythmical motion, not taking him completely in your mouth, leaving room for your fingers to give him a little pressure every time your head lowered on him. 

You smoothed out the mixture of your saliva and his pre-cum with fingers, while your lips and tongue gave full attention to his now leaking head. You wanted to make him cum and suddenly the idea of him cuming inside of your mouth sounded like something you desperately needed in upcoming minutes. 

“Want to do a thing?” you blinked at him through your lashes, running your thumb over the head of his cock with pressure. 

“What thing, exactly, cupcake?”

“Thrust your hips into my mouth. Make the tip of your cock abuse my throat.” 

“Will you like it?” Haechan touched your cheek once again. 

“It only matters if you’ll like it.” 

“No, cupcake, this is not how our partnership works.” 

“How does it work, I must’ve forgotten.” your hand moved determined to its job. 

“If one of us is not enjoying then we’re not doing it no matter what.” you smiled a little, your free hand leaving Haechan’s eyesight without him notice. 

“Does that answer your question?” you raised up a hand in front of his face, spreading your fingers to let him see the slickness from between your legs that spread over your digits now. Haechan smirked, raising your hand with his to prop it in front of his tongue, sliding it between your spread fingers to savour the taste. 

“Mmh.” he then said, guiding your hands off his hips onto the mattress next to them. “Now that we don’t kiss you really wanted to put your lips to use on something else?” he spoke but it didn’t sound like teasing. “Open your mouth.” he finally said and you lowered your head to him, being caught mid action with his cock, Haechan guiding his hips against your lips. The cast on his leg and the pain weren’t allowing Haechan to use his hips properly and you tried to help him, to meet him without him raising his hips too much, but Haechan’s hips were pressing so forcefully and his hand didn’t properly hold your head in place that you always pushed your head back just a little with each thrust. 

“Fuck.” he commented, sitting back down and pressing your head against him. Haechan’s fingers held you in place for not less than 30 seconds before his cock twitched at the sensation of your throat spasming. His warm and pulsing cock against the back of your throat making your gagging reflexes wake up. Haechan pushed you off him the moment he felt the twitch in his body. “Fuck, fuck.”

“What’s wrong?” you asked confused. 

“Get on the bed.” he spoke in such urgency you jumped up on your now numb legs and almost fell back down, somehow getting on the mattress, not understanding why would Haechan willingly decide to not cum into your mouth. 

“Are you okay?” you still were very much confused, and the way Haechan’s pupils were dilated and his brain was probably functioning only with the commands his burning cock gave him didn’t help at all. Was he in some sort of euphoria? He couldn’t even feel the pain in his leg anymore, the way his fingers quickly slid the underwear off your legs, diving in his finger between your folds in a quick motion. “Haechan, are you okay? Is your leg okay?” you asked again, as the boy spread your legs for him and almost hovered over you. You wouldn’t find it a problem if it wasn’t for the cast on his leg that supposedly hurt and didn’t mean to feel any pressure on it. 

“I’m fine.” he stated and raised his eyes at you, probably reading in them you’re dissatisfied with the answer. “I didn’t want to load into your mouth. I’m about to burn alive from that orgasm I just stopped midway. If you don’t mind, I’ll get inside of you now without edging myself any more.” you wanted to ask if it was okay with his leg once again, but he already nuzzled his face in the crook of your neck, lining up his cock with your entrance. Haechan pushed and you squeezed your eyes, squeezing his sides with your hands as well. “Shit.” he gasped finally filling you up completely. There was no time for a low paced start, being on the very verge yourself you were glad he just set the goal to fuck you into oblivion in the shortest period of time. “I almost let myself cum in that pretty mouth of yours.” he panted between words. “But then I remembered that I might be a little too obsessed with the way my cum drips out of your swollen pussy and I just couldn’t lose another chance to witness that.” You moaned, not at the words but at the way his fingers rubbed against your clit. “Come on, baby, clench, make me cum inside of you.” Haechan bit into your neck with an insane force. It actually felt like he bit through the skin, you cried out loudly, clenching at the same time. You didn’t understand the pet name he called you.

“Yes, yes.” Haechan egged you on. “Please don’t stop.” his lips moved from your neck lower, trying to reach your breasts, but with the way he was trying to keep balance, and not hurt his leg too much, as it seemed the senses were kind of getting back to him, there was no way he’d be able to do so. 

You squeezed your insides forcefully as your entire body was about to spasm. Haechan outrun you though, at the very light clench you felt his seed spill inside of you. Haechan’s body immediately felt meek over yours, hips almost not moving as he was filling you up, your body joining him at very last, helping to squeeze him out completely. Haechan’s fingers still rubbed your overstimulated clit mindlessly to the point it hurt, you forced his hand to stop without talking. 

He just panted, still heaving over your body, even though you were almost not able to yet feel his weight over you, his body was slowly pushing you more into the mattress. 

Haechan slowed his breath, rolling on the side next to you, making it feel empty as his soft cock left you. You could practically feel your cum spill out onto his sheets, that seemed, in fact, new. You almost felt sorry and almost had energy to care, but it just turned out you hadn’t. 

“This fucking hurt, by the way.” you turned your head at the boy laying with his eyes closed, touching the skin on your neck that he bit before spilling. To the touch you could feel the shape of his teeth on your skin and you were kind of scared to look in the mirror. Haechan turned his head at you slowly, not focusing his gaze on your neck immediately.

“Oh, fuck.” he sighed with a chuckle. “I’m sorry.” he turned on his side, squeezing his body closer to yours, to touch the skin his teeth abused. “This actually does look like it hurt. I’m sorry.” his hand turned your head to look at him. “I would kiss you sorry but we don’t kiss.” 

“Just never do that again.”

“Okay.” he agreed quickly. 

“So did you pull yourself from my mouth… did you just blabber bullshit?”

“About my cum dripping out of you? No, I like it. That’s the reason. Didn’t want to make you swallow since I already fucked your throat.” 

“Guess I have to believe you, right?”

“I wonder what are other reasons you have in your head.” 

“I don’t know. I have none, that’s why I’m asking.” 

“You did good, if that’s what you worry about. Has nothing to do with you.” his words felt like you were a dog patted by its owner, you looked away. 

“My fucking leg.” he broke off the silence in the room by crying. You ran your eyes over his body before he could notice and closed your eyes back. “Hey, Y/n? Are you asleep?” Haechan asked carefully. 

“I wish.” you sat up, covering yourself with the duvet of his. 

“Can you please give me the crutches?” his fingers pointed to the wall beside you. 

“Did you fuck up your leg?” you sighed nonchalantly, taking one of the shirts that were thrown onto the chair next to the computer. “I had a feeling.” you raised your eyebrows judging him, handing the crutches. 

“Take off my clothes, I didn’t allow you to touch them.” Haechan roughly took the crutches out of your hands. 

“See this?” you pointed at your neck “Borrowing this shirt is just a partial payment, Haechanie.” 

“Whatever.” he tried to stand up. 

“Can you like walk?” you watched him bend his hurt leg completely to not put pressure on it. “I thought you can move around your room without those things.”

“Yeah, seems like not anymore.” he let out a hitched breath as his feet took him over to the computer table in the other corner of the room. It always made you incredibly sad to watch people suffer, watching Haechan barely move around his room put you on edge of sympathising him once again. 

“At least you came hard, right?” you giggled to wash away any feelings towards Haechan from your body. “I’m going to shower.” you announced, taking your belongings with you to the bathroom. You quickly turned the water on, leaning over the bathtub, feeling water immediately drop onto the crown of your head. “For fucks sake, why do you not switch your shower heads?” 

“What?” Haechan shouted back making you even more pissed off. Your head was wet now when you were meant to leave his place in the nearest time. 

“Why did it take you so long?” he turned around to face you.

“I had to wash my hair with your freaking shampoo because you don’t know how to switch shower heads apparently.”

“Let me smell your head.” he watched you put on your socks. 

“What?” question followed your furrowed eyebrows. 

“I always wondered what my shampoo smells like on me.” you fished your phone out to check the time. “Come here?” did he try to flirt, you almost gaged. 

“Come yourself.”

“I can’t.” he pointed out making you feel bad. 

“You’re sweaty.” 

“I’m not asking you to hug me, I wanted to smell your head. This does sound weird now.” he cackled. 

“It’s half ten, I’m going to go.” 

“You could stay.”

“Why would I if you’re leaving?”

“Since I can’t walk now I asked boys to come over, you could hang out with us.”

“Ugh, no thanks. I’d rather not.”

“But you’re fucking me and act like we’re way out of your league at the same time. Isn’t it hard to be such a hypocrite?” 

“I just don’t want these people to talk.”

“Okay.”

“Are you going on that boat trip Jeno’s arranging?”

“Yup, are you not?”

“No, I wouldn’t bare the company.”

“Of course.” Haechan’s brow raised up in sarcasm. “Sometimes I wonder when will you grow up and understand that you’re behaving like a ten year old but then I think again and realise I should just stop myself from caring about you too much, at all, to be fair.”  

“Okay.” you gave him a nod, finally ordering an Uber. 

“You come and I’m eager to fuck but then lust washes away and I sit here and wonder why do I even bother to fuck someone who has no respect for me whatsoever.” 

“Haechan.” his eyes focused on you. “Is that what bothers you? That I don’t have any respect for you?” he kept silent. “ I do respect your existence, but I don’t have to respect your friends, your life choices and whatever. I’m not going to run in public and show everyone how much I respect you. I give you enough respect by sleeping with you, it’s my own decision, nobody forced me to. I’m not planning to go any past that and our arrangement does not require us to.”

“Are you not planning on going past that because you’re afraid to do so or because you really don’t want to?” Haechan asked tentatively, his fingers wrapping around your wrist to get an answer out of you. 

“I should go now, I don’t want to run into your friends. Bye, Haechan.” you pulled your hand out of his grip forcefully. 

“At least look me in the eyes.” 

“What is it again?” you rolled your eyes to land them on his face. “Haechan?” your brows raised in question when he stared like he was trying to suck the life out of you. 

“Okay, you go.” he suddenly just sent you on your merry way. 

-

You were enjoying the rare moments of the pre-lunch inner peace you were gifted by having a lecture in the nearest building to the cafeteria meanwhile your friends had to walk through the whole campus. Just a soul tune in your earphones to put away all the stress that built up through previous encounters with human beings - professors at most. 

You opened your eyes as the bench shifted under new weight, pulling an earphone out being completely convinced it’s Sua who quickly ran through the campus for food. 

How much of a disappointment it was when you heard a male voice next to your ears. 

“Hey.”

“Ugh.” you gulped trying not to give away your utter shock but failed terribly for sure. “Hey, what’s up?” getting to know what he needs and get rid of him quickly would be fantastic. He, though didn’t seem to be in a hurry and completely ignored you. 

“What is that?” he reached out for the little milk sitting next to your phone. “Is that the infamous milk from your anonymous admirer?”

“Yeah.” you simply stated, Haechan ripping the foil lid off in no time to drink your beverage. 

“That’s mine.” You protested when it was too late.

“Didn’t you say you don’t drink those.”

“I don’t but it’s still for me and not you. What if he’s watching us now?” you raised your brows at him, watching Haechan gulp on the milk and then look around. 

”Drink then. Make us kiss through the bottle.” You rolled your eyes at him.

”Such an idiot.” You sighed and looked around for a pair of curious eyes, maybe. ”I wouldn’t want that person to see I’m giving away their gifts.”

“You don’t want to hurt feelings of a stranger but intently choose to hurt mine every day of your life.” he spoke what seemed like more to himself than to you. 

“I don’t-“

“If he does watch maybe we should put up a show so he backs off.” Haechan’s hand that most likely reached out to your face was stopped midway by yours. Your eyes spoke silent curses as your hand moved his under the table, not being able to free yourself from his hold for a good second. A good second of you almost having a whiplash from a weird gesture of his. 

“We’re not putting up anything. Is there something urgent you wanted, by the way?” you were really on the verge of saying something along the lines of ‘just send me time and place via message’ but held back on the last string of sanity. 

“Ugh, yeah. To commemorate us being project partners I suggest we hang out.” he dashed that last bit of milk and looked at you once again. 

“We literally have done nothing for that named project.” you came up with an immediate no, remembering at the same time that you had actually to do things for that project - no matter how hard you tried to forget it even existed. 

“Yeah, to set us off to good work we need to bring ourselves closer in other ways than the usual one.” you felt a cold shiver run down your spine at the mere mention of that. 

“It’s easier I do the thing myself and you’ll pretend you took part.” 

“No!” Haechan spoke loudly. “That’s not something up for discussion. We’re going out - you and me for the projects sake, you get me? Not like the two people that sleep with each other - like classmates.”

“Can you shut up with that?” you hissed. 

“Yes, cupcake. I mean, Y/n.” he cleared his throat. “I wouldn’t call a classmate that name out of nowhere.” 

“Good for you.” you caught yourself suddenly smiling at him and cut that off in an instance. 

“Fancy meeting you two here.” Sua walked over to the table.

“Hey.” you acknowledged her presence with a smile. “How’s it going?” 

“I’m confused, are we just pretending he’s not here or … what?” the girl propped her body across from you. 

“Haechan’s leaving.”

“No I’m not.” you raised your eyebrows at him to look his audacity in the eye. 

“Hey.” Eunsoo sat next to Sua. “Are you… meeting Jeno here?” she looked directly at Haechan. 

“No, I’m here for Y/n.” you were sure the invisible droplet of sweat on your forehead was pretty visible by now. 

“Oh… ugh, okay. Should we give you space?” Eunsoo suddenly looked concerned. 

“Oh god, no.” you laughed her off. “We’re project partners and we’ve done nothing yet that’s why he’s here.” 

“Yeah.” Haechan nodded, cooperating, surprisingly. 

“Cool.” Eunsoo shrugged uninterested now that it’s not about gossip. Silence fell upon table. “Oh, you should force your project partner to go on that boat trip Jeno’s arranging. I feel like she’s really not going.” 

“I’m not paying for that, Eunsoo, for real.” you rolled your eyes for the nth time in the hour. 

“She’d poop the party anyway, why would I invite her.” 

“What?” you hissed “shut up!” you punched his shoulder lightly, getting a high pitched fake cry out of the boy. 

“Ouch.” Haechan rubbed his arms with furrowed eyebrows. 

“That’s so not true.”

“You wish.” he cackled. 

“Do you all agree with him?” you took a look at you friends. 

“No, no. I personally don’t-“

“Maybe, a little.” Sua cringed. 

“Come and prove you’re not.” Haechan challenged you. 

“You wish. That’s such a childish trick you’re playing here.” you cackled. 

“Okay, party pooper.”

“Yeah, I’m a party pooper and you should go - I don’t want my friends not being able to digest their food because they have to look at you.” 

“Lol.” the boy stood up, making you internally sigh. The interaction lasted for too long, you felt like puking. Eunsoo’s eyes were about to eat you alive. 

“Aeri’s here, I’m going to get food with her.” Sua jumped up the moment Haechan took steps from the table. 

“You two seem super close.” Eunsoo dropped the facade and jumped on you immediately. 

“Not really.” 

“He’s appearing more and more often in front of my eyes.” 

“I’m not sure, maybe you’re just paying more attention to him now?” you looked at her with the face like you honestly tried to think of what she was meaning. “Don’t you two hang out more often since Jeno been inviting you everywhere he goes?” 

“Yeah, maybe that’s what it’s about.” Eunsoo moved onto the next topic without a second try and it seemed too weird. Weird to the extent you had to make an internal mark in your head on your friends behaviour.

-

“Hey, you.“ Haechan stretched out a crutch as a barrier in front of you, almost leaving you with a stroke.

“What the hell?“ You furrowed your eyebrows at the sitting boy. “You’re appearing too much in front of my eyes, disappear.“ You waved him off.

“You ignored my message yesterday, I was expecting to see you.“ Haechan stood up to look at you better.

“Wasn’t that a message to hang out as project partners or something?“

“You did see it! It was exactly that, yes.“

“Well I’m not obliged to run to you on the first call when you’re suddenly in need of company. If you would’ve texted me lets fuck, I would’ve showed up, but a college friend me is a real bitch, I don’t recommend.“ You shook your head. 

“Tomorrow.“

“What’s tomorrow?“ 

“You and me we’re going somewhere it’s not up for discussion, for real this time. As project mates, so please look better than when you usually come to fuck.“

“Excuse me?!“ 

“Don’t take offence.“

“I will, you loser.“

“I know where you live.“

“Yeah?“

“Yeah, I’ll come pick you up around 8.“

“If I’ll be home then yes, maybe, deal.“

“You WILL be home.“

“Haechan-ah, college friend me is a real bitch, you don’t want to hang out with her I promise.“ 

“It’s not like a fuck buddy you is any easier on me.” he crooked a brow, you trying to hit him as he walks away. 

-

“You picked up, I’m flattered.” Haechan murmured into the phone, you felt a shiver run down your spine at the tone of his voice. 

“Oh, ugh, Haechan? I thought it said someone else’s name, bye.” you spoke quickly, moving your finger to end the call but obviously paused for a reaction. 

“I appreciate your joke.” You could hear the click of his tongue through the phone. “I’m outside and I hope you’re about to put your shoes on and come out.”

“Mm… maybe?” you said sheepishly not knowing what you actually wanted to say. If only you could see Haechan shiver at your stutter you would shiver too. He nodded his head to himself, hanging up on you. 

Your eyes ran over your reflection in the mirror, taking a good look once again at what you were wearing. A denim skirt you haven’t worn in a terribly long while, a cute top to match, you were about to put on a jacket to keep you warm in case Haechan wanted to hang out outside. Did you look like you were trying to dress up? Were you overthinking your appearance all of a sudden or did you have an actual thing to worry about? Dressing up, for Lee Haechan of all people? He wish, you cackled to yourself. 

“No way in hell I’m going to let even the thought crawl into his head.” you mumbled, storming down to your bedroom. “Now, that’s better.”  you smoothed out the hoodie with the logo of your school you threw over your pretty top to bring more casualty into the outfit. Looking like a simple college girl sounded better. 

“Your leg?” you ran up to him for no particular reason, you suddenly realised it probably felt like you ran to him because you wanted to greet him quicker and slowed down only when you were already terribly close. 

“It healed.” he smiled in a weird way, staring down into your soul for the briefest moment and you felt your cheeks turn red, imagining him finally being able to fuck you in many different ways. His eyes seemed to travel down that road too and you blinked.

“Congrats, I guess? You were so nosy with those crutches.” you smiled and ran your eyes over his appearance - black tight jeans, a shirt or a long sleeve, you couldn’t work out which one it was, under a zip up hoodie with a leather bomber jacket crossed by a cross-body bag. A perfect all black outfit you haven’t seen him sport before. 

“Thank you.”

“So… do you have something planned or we’re just gonna walk where our eyes take us?” you felt awkward staring at him for too long. The two of you were sober and were meant to act like college friends, not the fuck buddies, but the more you stared at his face, perfectly shaped plump lips and the jaw line that got visibly sharper in the past few months all you could think about is how dumb of a bitch you were when you told him kissing was off limits. Okay, it was off limits and you knew that for sure, but his obviously freshly washed hair and the outfit that for your dislike made him look sexy and inevitably attractive to the lower parts of your body still made you frustrated with your own self. It wasn’t even that long since you last had sex, but suddenly you were burning and nothing could put out that fire because you would not beg him to kiss you. You would not admit that to him because you could already see Haechan’s smirk once he hears you say it. But, at least, you could be honest to yourself, so you finally admitted - fuck it, I do really want to kiss him. You gulped because it felt like he was reading your thoughts silently for hours, standing there outside your apartment building. 

“I actually drove here.” you properly focused on what he said. 

“With a bike?”

“With a car, cupc-, I mean Y/n, I’m sorry.” he made a face like he really rehearsed calling you by the name and messed the very first chance given “I drove here with a car because we’re going somewhere to ease us a little? I can’t work with someone I’m not on good terms, I wanna be good with this project. Are you?” 

“Of course, I want to do good.” you giggled awkwardly with your words. 

“Then, let’s go.” he turned around on his heels and walked towards a car that seemed… expensive? Did he borrow that from Jeno? You quickly followed behind, getting yourself onto the passenger seat. 

“I didn’t even know you had a car. Is it yours for real?” 

“Ugh, yes.” He nodded pressing the button to start the engine. 

“I thought you had no money?” 

“I obviously do, have you seen the amount we have to pay for studying at our school?” the numbers were big for sure but somehow it never crossed your mind. 

“Okay, secretly rich guy.” 

“Does that play matters to you or what? Are you more comfortable with walking? Or me saying I stole the car from a stranger like those stupid bikes?” 

“No, no. It’s just… nice. I like it. And I’ve never seen you drive, I’m surprised, that’s it.” 

“When we’re together I’m either high or drunk or bout to be, I’d like to point out I’m not to that extent reckless to drive in those states.” 

“I know, I know, I didn’t think of you like that.” 

“Cool.” he nodded and then you two stopped talking for the rest of the drive. “We’re here.” Haechan caught your attention, parking the car next to a small pier. Did he try to take you on a boat…? Like a date type of thing? Your insides flipped. 

“What for?” you didn’t move an inch while Haechan was half way out, dropping back into his seat. 

“Come out I’ll show you.” 

A moment later you were next to him, catching up to his feet walk down the steps. 

“Hey, I thought you’ll explain?” 

“Yeah, right, see there?” His finger pointed on the other side of the river. You tried to work out what he was pointing at but your not that good vision worked even more terribly during night time. 

“I guess.” you turned your head back to take a look at Haechan. 

“You obviously don’t.” he sighed and pulled you by your elbow to where he stood, hooking one of his arms over yours, and pointing once again. 

“Haechan, I have poor vision, I won’t work out what you’re showing no matter what you do.” Haechan’s chest was approximately 1 cm away from your back, making you jump scared when his forehead dropped onto your shoulder. 

“Let’s go,” he mumbled “you’re hopelessly blind.” he cackled. 

“Hey! It’s night.”

“Yeah, dude, sure.” you smiled at the nickname. “We gotta hurry though or we’re waiting for the next ferry for 20 minutes.” Haechan tugged onto your fingers now, dragging you down the stairs.  

“Why the river transportation?” you asked as he paid for the tickets and you walked inside. The ferry was small and still almost empty. 

“It helps me relax.”

“And why are we going to the other side of the river?”

“Because the restaurant there serves the best food in the whole city.” 

“Okay?” you were a little confused with him. “Can you let go of my hand now?”

“No, I was thinking of dragging you outside.” he grinned mischievously, pulling on your hand once again to take up some stairs. He let go of you when you climbed up the last stair, walking forward to look around. Besides this simply  being a way to go to Haechan’s favourite place the view was beautiful, Seoul on both sides of you, a bridge right across where you were looking lit up with lights. This was a pretty fancy way to go eat with a friend, you thought. Haechan walked forward, away from you and you sat down on one of the benches, crossing your legs. 

“This is cool.”

“I told you, it’s really relaxing.” 

“And beautiful.” you added, watching Haechan walk back to you. 

“You’re about to get the full experience.” he smiled, reaching out to his bag hanging on his back. 

“Hm?” Haechan propped his body next to yours, holding out an airpod for you. You took it quickly without a question. The other airpod went into his ear and Haechan began to scroll through his phone focused. Finally, the music filled your right ear, a slow r’n’b tune you weren’t sure you’ve heard before. It fit the bright lights above the river perfectly and you took a deep breath in, sinking in the moment, closing your eyes to have a little time at peace with yourself. You couldn’t believe Haechan was sharing his peace with you as a friendly gesture. You felt his shuffling on your side, not paying much attention to what he was doing until the warm material hit your knees, you saw his bomber laying atop of your bare knees. You wanted to tell him something, maybe a thank you? Or that you weren’t cold? But you were outrun by Haechan, by his next gesture, to be completely accurate. 

With a completely straight face he switched positions and suddenly his head was laying atop of your thighs. He crossed his arms on the chest, closing eyes immediately. Your arms raised in defence the moment you felt him lie down. Haechan probably sensed you didn’t lower your hands back, opening his eyes and dragging your palm to lay next to his head, the other dragged onto his chest, caged under his fingers. He didn’t act out of friendliness, he was onto something you were convinced now for sure.

But for no reason at all you didn’t want to fight whatever was going on in his head? 

“I won’t mind if your fingers would run a little through my hair.” you tried to keep your heart at bay, your legs were burning, your face was burning, your body was burning, everything in you burned, you weren’t sure your underwear wasn’t turning damp. He was fucking with you out of nowhere at all. You didn’t really want to play along, his actions just made you want him more, but you were not bound to get him inside of you tonight anyway. Maybe, that’s why he did that? He just wanted to get you frustrated and not give you the rest. The thought made it easier for you to breathe, it was an acceptable explanation. “Will you not?” Haechan suddenly wined, squeezing your hand. 

You dug your nails into his scalp, running them a little further. He almost purred like a satisfied cat. “Maybe that’s what’s been missing on these relaxing trips to put me in pure ecstasy.”

“A hand in your hair?” you chuckled and brushed past his fringe. 

“Your hand in my hair.” Haechan stared back at you, moving his eyes behind you. “Oh, we’re here, let’s go.” he jumped up as unexpectedly as he lain down, tugging on your hand once again. For god’s sake, what is up with him tonight, you thought. 

“I just realised how much of a stupid idea it was to drive here.”

“Why?” you asked curiously, finally walking with your own pace, still holding on to Haechan’s jacket because he forgot to take it from you when you were running and now it worked like a nice hand warmer for you.  

“I can’t drink, and nothing goes better with a kimchi stew and grilled pork belly than somaek.” 

“We’re having kimchi stew?” you laughed. You didn’t think he’d take you to eat kimchi stew for a date, that’s not very roma-. Shut up, you told yourself and stopped dead in your tracks. You did not just stupidly confuse this with a date. Haechan was doing the right thing, except for the ferry behaviour, which is besides the point, he took you to a place friends visit. It was a cool thing, you actually loved the idea of his. It did really mean he tried to make you comfortable with each other besides fucking, he wanted to make your project work successfully. 

“Are you okay?” Haechan noticed you completely falling behind. 

“Yes, I realised I haven’t given your jacket back. Put it back on, it’s cold.” 

“Your legs are all out and I’m wearing three layers of clothing, you should keep it to not get sick.”

“I’m fine though.” you pushed the jacket against his chest and he didn’t go any further with trying to make you keep it. He simply put it back on and you loved it, loved it when people weren’t making you do things you clearly didn’t want to. 

“I love how this place has a view.” You smiled lookeing at the river. “I don’t think I’ve ever been to a traditional place like that. Like it’s proper restaurant but apparently the food’s here good too. That’s amazing.” you smiled sincerely, putting a whole spoonful of stew in your mouth. “How did you find this place?” 

“I got lost in the city and was hungry and came here without any expectations but it turned into my favourite place out of nowhere. They have great menu, there’s everything I love.”

“I like it here.”

“We could come here together whenever you’d want to.” he suggested, you looked him in the eyes and nodded. It can be a good thing to visit this place once in a while with Haechan. 

You talked and laughed and didn’t even biker once. He was noisy by nature, smart mouthed, quick witted when he needed it for his own good. He could make people around him smile, laugh hysterically even, listen to him, allow him to do whatever he wanted to do and most likely would in return get whatever the hell he wanted people to do for him. Haechan had a way with his words and every action, he made you feel at ease when he spoke. You didn’t talk much, you just watched him talk, laugh, show each and every emotion through the stories he told. Haechan was made to make people feel alive, besides frustration, anger, rage maybe and a whole other list of things he usually made you feel. But here tonight, sitting at the table with him you could finally imagine in a bigger picture why his friends loved him, why he was the centre of everyone’s attention - because he was a fluff ball of liveliness and happiness. And you couldn’t deny the feeling that bubbled in your chest anymore - Haechan made you feel alive. You looked away from him to stop the feeling because it wasn’t a great realisation. It was a sad ass thing to know because immediately you locked down on yourself for feeling anything towards him - it was wrong. The metaphorical stick up your ass stirred a little to remind you it was still there. 

“You’re so-o lucky you met me.” he chuckled, dropping his back against the seat. 

“Why is that?” you leaned in more to him intrigued. You chuckled to swallow a lump because if he read in your eyes you were having fun right now he’d never let you live. 

“I’m the greatest in anything with academic studies involved so you’re safe in that project.”

“Oh, for real?” 

“Yup.” he popped the p with his insanely attractive lips. 

“Cool then, we should start soon.”

“What about tomorrow?”

“Library? Or my place?” 

“Your place?” Haechan raised eyebrows. Yes, your roommate is going to be a thin wall away, she’ll be a reason not to be triggered by your temptations. 

“Your place kind of have memories that are not great for studying.” Haechan smirked.

“True.” he gave you a nod. “My classes tomorrow finish around 5 I believe.”

“Cool, mine too. We could go straight to my place after class.”

“Deal.” 

-

“Hey, partner.” Haechan found you round lunch time and for the first time since you’ve known him, him talking to you in public space didn’t feel like you were punished. 

“Hey.” you turned around to look at his frame, squinting your eyes as the sun behind him beamed too brightly through the window. You swallowed a smile that unexpectedly began to crawl onto your face when you watched his mouth stretch out in a smile. “You’re done?”

“No, no. I just found you here and thought I’ll come up and check on you .” Haechan motioned with his hands for you to move in your seat to free up space for him. 

“Check on me why?” you cackled clueless as to why you need to be checked on. 

“Hm… I don’t know, just check on you. If we’re still going to yours?” 

“Yea, yes.” you smiled “I’m still into idea of getting a good grade.” 

“Cool.” he nodded, focusing his eyes on the paper laying in front of you. 

“You’re going to have lunch here?” you took in his frame. 

“No, I won’t bother you.” he smiled crookedly. 

“Thanks.” you shrugged, watching Haechan stand up and turn away. 

“Actually.” he paused and your head snapped back to his body. “Here, take it.” he moved his hands swiftly, reaching into his pocket and then back in front of you, placing a bottle on the table. 

“What is it?” You didn’t really need an answer, you could see very clearly with your eyes. 

“A grape soda, I thought you said you like those.” 

“Yeah, I do.” you half laughed half coughed in response. “But why-?”

“I-huh.” Haechan sighed loudly, finally meeting your gaze. “I took your milk before so it’s my pay back. You’re welcome.” he winked at you smirking, getting out of the trans he was in and back to his normal self. 

“Yeah.” you simply nodded, as he turned on his heels and walked away. 

-

“So,” you sang, facing Haechan as your feet passed the threshold. “Welcome to my crib!” you cackled, holding out your hands welcoming him in.  

“That’s a spacious living room.” Haechan immediately commented, running his eyes over the room he was able to see right from the entrance. 

“Yeah, sort of. We’re girls, we need space for different stuff.” you shrugged. 

“Ugh, who’s your roommate by the way? Is she home?” Haechan asked curiously, lowering his attention to the laces of his shoe. 

“It’s me.” Eunsoo made him startled, by appearing against the closest wall, the boy raising his head back up in a flash. “And I’m home.” she chuckled. 

“Hi.” Haechan swallowed. 

“Do you mind taking him to your room?” Eunsoo directed her gaze at you. 

“I mind.” you nodded vigorously at her question. “I don’t take boys to my room on our first studying session, Eunsoo-ya, you know the rules I live by.” you bat your eyelashes at your friend, walking further into the apartment. “Especially if the boy’s someone like him, beware.” 

“What nonsense are you saying?” Haechan grunted as his body dropped onto the couch. He took out his laptop, placing the device over his lap, leaning more against the backrest. 

“Did you really mean it when you said you were good with these things?”

“I meant it.” Haechan nodded, typing in the password blindly, his eyes trained on you. 

“Maybe you don’t need me then?” you turned your head to the side a little like a puppy and smiled. 

“No,” he shook his head “every megamind need a little helper to take up little tasks every now and then.” you rolled your eyes at his words. 

“I had a feeling you’d say something dumb.” you stood up, catching Haechan’s concerned eyes on you. “I’ll go get my laptop and everything I wrote down during lectures.” 

“Yup.” he nodded and turned back away. Haechan acted like he didn’t need you here, like he was only focused on studying and working, you couldn’t remember him being that focused during class, usually his eyes were trained on his smartphone that was turned horizontally and definitely was not used for writing down whatever professors were saying. 

“Since when are you all about studying?“ You broke off the silence that hung above your heads as Haechan read through an article you barely took a glance at while you blankly stared at your laptop for the time being. For the past twenty minutes, to be exact. He doesn’t even get up to pee, he just taps away, asking lecture related questions and some advise on adding certain sentences into the text he was working on so smoothly. You couldn’t stop yourself from appreciating his working passion, or the view he was giving you. You were working hard on not being obvious that maybe like every ten minutes you made sure to check him out. The way his fingers were pressing the buttons on the laptop, his thumb fidgeting the nail shaped ring on his finger whenever he paused typing or scrolling to read. His plush lower lip at most times being teased by his teeth while he was thinking. The way he pressed teeth into his thumb while listening to you answering his questions regarding lectures. Haechan forming his lips into a pucker two rear times in the past three and a half hours as he felt terribly sore in his neck, resting his back against the couch, brushing back the hair off his forehead with elbows up in the air. You could list many more random things he did randomly while he was working and you partially procrastinating- feeding onto your new sudden obsession with everything Haechan does but he replied and you had to at least try and focus on whatever left his lips.

“Trying to keep up with you, be a good boy for you and all that shit.“ he spoke distantly, you almost didn’t catch whatever left his mouth until you did and stared at him shocked, Haechan already looking at you with a smirk. 

“Stop being weird.“ You chuckle in a weak attempt to not feel so… weird yourself? You were pretty sure your face was burning red, it felt like you got exposed and it made you even more weird and nervous.

“Don’t you like it?“ He teased and reached out his hand to squeeze your leg above your knee. “Shit, are you shivering?“ He laughed, dropping his back against the couch, as you lowered your eyes onto your exposed legs as if in shock, as if you couldn’t feel it yourself. You were glad at least there was a hoodie over your upper body, hiding away from his eyes the fact your entire being shivered to his touch like you were never touched by him before.

“Can we go back to our project.“ You huffed.

“No.“ Haechan straightened his back with a serious face expression. “Not when you shiver to my touch. Come here.“ He reached out a hand to you and you put all of your energy to not give away with your face or other body parts that you considered giving him your hand without a doubt for a good second. 

“No.“

“Come on, cupcake. I want you now.“ Haechan licked his lips and you shivered once again thinking how you would like to get heavily drunk to just kiss him and pretend afterwards you didn’t remember a single thing. 

“Shut up.“ Eunsoo had great hearing, that you learned through the two years you lived with her, shushing the boy.  

“I though we had an agreement.“ he pouted and stirred his body closer to yours.

“Haechan.“ You sighed not knowing what exactly the fuck was going on inside your head, not moving away when he crawled even more closer, trying to pretend you were focusing on your web-page when in fact you were shivering all over once again at the mere feeling of him next to your skin. 

“Mmh, cupcake.“ He mumbled into your hair, wrapping a hand over your waist. It helped him to pull you more against his back, allowing his lips to find the skin on your neck. “Why are you shivering?“ he chuckled against you, making a new wave of shivers run down your body. “It’s like the hundredth time I’m touching you, I’ve never gotten such a vivid reaction.“ Haechan left an open mouthed kiss where your jaw met your ear. 

“I don’t like it, shivers are the form of my body saying put your hands away.“ You blabbered the first thing that came to your mind.

“Are you sure?“ Haechan giggled against your skin, rubbing his face against your throat. “Can we ask your roomie to take a walk?“ 

“Haechan, what are you trying to do.“ you clicked your tongue to get back to your senses and not drop your head back onto his shoulder. 

“Make you wet. I’m actually sure you’re already, right?“ Haechan’s hand that’s been hugging your waist went a little up to cup your clothed breast. 

“I wouldn’t get wet just because you breathed for three second into my neck like a creep.“ 

“Okay.“ He chuckled and moved his head away, not letting go of you with his hands a single bit. 

“It’s not very comforting when you’re holding onto my boob like that.“ you craned your neck to be able see his face a little. 

“Did anyone ask you what happened to your neck?“ Haechan’s attention jumped onto the side of your neck he bit onto, keeping his hand exactly where it was and ignoring you completely. “Mmh?“ he ran a finger over the bruise, making you shiver once again. You sighed internally at your stupid reaction to his touch. 

“Yeah, unfortunately.“

“Did you lie?“ You sighed dramatically. 

“Had to tell everyone I was attacked by a wild dog on my way back to the apartment.“  Haechan burst into laughter once again, letting go of you as his body fell against the couch once again.

“Maybe the truth would’ve sounded better?“

“That I was bit by a dog inside of an apartment?“

“Ha-ha.“ Haechan teased. “You should’ve told them you were bit by a very passionate male that came so hard inside of you after you sucked him off so good he just couldn’t hold back from marking you.“ His hands once again pressed your body against him. “I wouldn’t mind cuming inside of you now too.“ He let you know once again and even though you liked the felling of his body pressed against you, you liked how his hot breath fanned over your skin, made you all hot with want, but it made you feel so conflicted at the same time you were about to get a headache. You knew if he’d get his hands on you for real you’d want to kiss him so badly you won’t hold back and would want the feeling of his lips on yours regularly. Your insides were doing backflips because unlike your brain organs were actually realising you were having other feelings for Haechan in addition to those you were already meant to have. Knowing him better as a person was doing things to your intimate relationship, at least, on your side. 

“We’re here why?“ You spoke louder than you intended to, taking his hands in yours for him to let go, but he just held onto your fingers instead like he had claws. 

“I’m not sure anymore now that my cock’s stirring in my pants.“ he kept his voice as low as he possibly could. 

“For studying, Haechan.“ You tried not to lower your eyes to see for yourself if he was as hard as you were wet. 

“Okay, do you want me to jerk off in the bathroom to the thought of you and come back for studying?“ Maybe, yes? You bit your tongue before the words could actually spill.

“Maybe we should be done for today.“  You stood up, turning to face Haechan, feeling his arms wrap around your calves, lips above your knees. “I will kick your teeth with my knee, I mean it.“ You practically barked at him, sounding much harsher than you intended to. You didn’t see a point in consuming his teasing when you knew for sure fucking wasn’t an option for the both of you while Eunsoo’s at home, and she’s practically always at home. Being frustrated alone in your room, longing for the pressure of his body against yours with amount of his mouth and fingers you already felt on your body already was almost inevitable by now, if only he could stop right this minute, you thought, and watched him get up and close his computer.

“Next session’s at my place.“ He pointed a finger at you making you swallow your smile.

[boulevardk]

Fitness is Key (M): PREVIEW

- pairing: johnny x reader (f)

- genre: personal trainer!johnny / non-idol au + smut 

- word count: 800

- summary: Let's face it: getting into to shape is hard. But it's a whole lot easier when you have a fitness trainer as your roommate, right? Turns out, staying focused on exercise is a little harder than you thought. Especially when you've got a certain trainer on your mind and not so pure thoughts of the things you wish he'd do to you. You're in luck, though, since the trainer has gone a work out planned that will really hit the spot.

- warnings: oral sex (f receiving), language, the slightest bit of degradation

- author note: i'm still alive. I hope to release the full fic in the next couple of days. Thank you always for your support xx

- Jay

-----

“Oh, Johnny, that’s it,” you breathe out. “Please touch me there.”

He chuckles at your desperation as he drags his fingertips down your thighs slowly. “Touch you here?” He taunts as his hands reach your knees. You shake your head and whine. “No, that's not right…” Johnny hums, pursing his lips in fake confusion. “What about here?”

Again Johnny’s hands graze past the area you need him most as you feel his large hands brush against your hips. Groaning out in anguish, you clench your fists tightly at your sides and feel the warmth of Johnny’s bed sheets beneath your skin. “Oh, I know,” Johnny gasps in mock surprise. “How about right…” he places his hand right on your mound and your eyes clenched shut at the feeling of finally being touched where you needed him most, “here.”

The man laughs at your reaction and begins to rub small circles against your clit, feeling your wetness. “You like that, huh?” he taunts. “Such an impatient little brat, all spoiled and naughty. Just wait until you get the real thing inside you.” Using his free hand, he reaches down to his cock and pumps it. He halts his finger movement against your mound and your eyes shoot open in panic from losing the pleasure. You meet his gaze and he brings his fingers to his lips to suck off your wetness from his fingers. All you can do is stare while the attractive man moans at your taste before speaking, “C’mon, it’s time to get up.”

You frown and cock your head to the side.

“Seriously, I said I’d help you, but I also said you need to follow my rules,” he continues. All too abruptly, you're ripped from your dream with a firm shake of your shoulders.

“God, what the fuck!” you tell out and bring your hand to clutch your racing heart, “What’s wrong with you?”

Your housemate raises an eyebrow and scoffs, “That must have been some dream if you were that upset to wake up from it.” He remarks with a smirk. “What were you dreaming about, hm? Better yet, who were you dreaming about?”

As if he can see right through you and read your thoughts, you finch at the question and shake your head adamantly, “W-what? Nothing, no one,” you stammer and only make the grin on Johnny’s face grow wider. “What are you doing in my room anyway?” You hastily try to change the subject as you feel the blood rush to your face and warm your cheeks.

Johnny clears his throat and moves away from your bed and toward the door, “Forget so soon? I’m supposed to help you get into shape and stay healthier, remember?”

Your previous conversation from the night before comes to mind and you nod your head as the memory replays in your mind. Johnny sees the gears in your head turning and begins to walk out the door.

“It’s 8:30 now. Get up, get changed, and have something light to eat before we start to work out. The last thing we want is you fainting while exercising on an empty stomach.”

Rubbing the sleep from your eyes and yawning, you salute him sarcastically. He continues, “After all, breakfast is the most important meal of the day.”

You furrow your brows at that, “I think you’re just inclined to say that as a fitness trainer. Next thing you know, you’re gonna tell me to run a mile every morning at the break of dawn and drink ginger shots religiously.”

Throwing his head back and laughing, he remarks, “No, no, that’s not until steps 10 or 11; you’re still a beginner so I won't take it that far.” Your eyes squint at the idea of that even being a potential possibility.

“Although I do have a beet juice and kale protein smoothie if you're interested-” he begins with a devious smile on his face.

“Nope! No, I’m good!” you exclaim and scramble out of bed.

He nods smugly, “That’s what I like to hear. Up and at ‘em before I start charging you for my services.” He comments as he walks out your bedroom door.

Gasping, you pull up the sheets on your bed and shake your head in an attempt to clear your mind of the dream you had before being abruptly woken up by the man of your fantasy. You only had half an hour before you had to work out with him, and you still had to eat and get ready before then… Looks like getting yourself off would have to wait until after your exercising. You huffed in annoyance. But at least the shower head might make for a good substitute for Johnny's tongue-

You stop yourself and rub your temples. Maybe working out with him was going to be harder than you thought…

[binnie-bitch]

My Prayer And My Virtue - NCT/Enhypen Fanfiction

(Posted on AO3)

Pairing: Jeong Jaehyun/Jake Sim

Tags: Slow Burn, Canon Compliant, Smut, Coming Out, Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending

Word Count: 79k

Summary:

Their legs were untied, but Jake stayed close. Jaehyun slipped his arm around Jake's shoulders to get him even closer, and then leaned in, breathing in cinnamon and sweat. "I don't think we need to worry about most of the teams," he whispered. Jake tensed. He whipped his head around so quickly, Jaehyun had to pull away to avoid collision. Big eyes got bigger and Jake bowed as much as he could with Jaehyun still standing close. "I'm sorry!" "Did I startle you?" "No, I…" Jake smiled bashfully.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jaehyun and Jake get paired for a variety show. They both find themselves enjoying their time together a little too much until the elephant in the room becomes too big to ignore. But figuring out you're not straight isn't as easy as some people like to believe, and Jaehyun and Jake are very new to this.

A/N: It's been a while since I finished posting this fic on AO3 and I debated if I should post it here. In a compromise I will post the link to the fic at least! Please consider reading <3

READ ON AO3

[everything-fine-n-peachy]

The sun is also a star (l.dh)

pairing: lee donghyuck x reader genre: angst with some fluff (if you're delusional like y/n) summary: high school besties who may or may not be just besties, a dash of one sided pining and very oblivious golden retriever energy dh

You’re the type of girl to fall in love with the stars. The kind of person that enjoys the thought of distant worlds, the idea that there may be life beyond the pale blue dot. The mystery of space thrills you. 

The same applies to love. 

You liked them bright, burning with so much intensity, and warm despite being lightyears away. Like Lee Donghyuck. Always so close yet so far. 

There was always something in between you, you just couldn’t put a finger on what it was. 

He was supposed to be your best friend. None of this was supposed to be a problem. You think maybe it’s your fault for thinking up all this nonsense. All your fault for the tightness you feel in your chest when he so much as looks your way with those eyes, for the banging in your ribcage when he pulls you in for a hug, and for those godamn thoughts that plague your mind of this boy before you go to sleep. 

Donghyuck would always linger. Never long enough for it to mean something but long enough for it to fill your head with fuzz so that you can’t think straight. 

Your eyes meet from accross the large assembly hall as you bring volunteers in for your clubs’s peer program. Just like that Donghyuck is bounding towarding you at a hundred miles an hour. He drapes an arm around your shoulder before flashing the group a careless grin. 

His gaze falls on you and you feel the ground shift under your feet. You push him off, highly aware of the watchful eyes of underclassmen.

“Get off of me, jesus Hyuck, we’re working here!” you scold, earning a few sniggers from the juniors in your care. 

Despite yourself you laugh. Typical Donghyuck and his typical antics. 

Before you could even say anything, in true Donghyuck fashion he addresses the crowd, “I sure hope this senior isn’t being a debby downer.” 

You playfully slap away the finger he has pointed on you. “Oh, stop it. Just say that your own group got bored of you and kicked you out.” 

You smile trimuphantly with your hand on your hips. 

Donghyuck feigns offense complete with the perfect look of utter betrayal, “is that how you treat your best friend?” He yields but doesn’t leave you alone just yet. 

“You know they say, the more you hate, the more you love,” he singsongs before clicking his tongue, “bet you’re just secretly in love with me.” 

You glare at him, looking nothing short of annoyed. You will yourself to stay calm despite the nerves bubbling just below the surface of your stomach. 

Donghyuck bursts out laughing after a beat and you don’t want to admit it but you feel a sense of relief wash over you. 

“You know I’m just messing with you right?” He swiftly boops your nose before running off back to where he was supposed to be. 

Oh he really had no idea, did he? 

[fizzydrink698]

illicit | yuta

kinktober day 5: hair-pulling

pairing: nakamoto yuta x reader

word-count: 3.3k

genre: criminal au, rivals to lovers

warnings: swearing, sexual content (oral sex, reader receiving), references to violence and general criminal activity

summary:

You swallowed, banishing the thought. “Are you trying to seduce me into being a hostage?”

Yuta’s lips twitched. “Why not?”

“This is a fucking terrible idea,” you muttered under your breath, as you followed Yangyang and his little detour through the alleyways.

“Don’t blame me,” Yangyang said, with a shrug. He didn’t seem to share your caution, strolling through the dark as if he were walking through his own home and not literally enemy territory.

Technically. It was in warehouse districts like these that territory boundaries blurred the most. That was the reason you’d taken this route in the first place – two blocks of warehouses would belong to the Blood Gate, take a left and you were in Sannoh territory, wander too far to the north and you’d stumble into Oya. It was hard to defend borders as confused as these.

You persisted. “If they want to talk, fine. Why the fuck should it be in their territory? It should be on neutral ground.”

The location was some nondescript restaurant, not quite at the heart of Blood Gate territory but close enough, as far as you were concerned.

“To be fair, what part of this city is neutral ground?” Yangyang asked. “We’ve managed to carve up most of it between us.”

“Maybe you should blame Ten,” came a voice from the back of the group, just a little too loud for a man so low in the hierarchy. “He was the one who lost us that sector.”

“Shut the fuck up,” you and Yangyang snapped in unison.

Ten didn’t lose you anything. The Blood Gate was about to launch a full-scale assault, and Ten chose to save lives and profits by clearing out the restaurants and casinos and various other semi-legitimate ventures your organisation owned, and left the Blood Gate to ‘reclaim’ a bunch of empty buildings and some dingy alleys.

But because there was no big dramatic fight, or blood spilled or people to avenge, small-dicked little shits like that guy wanted to complain about it.

Still, you quickened your pace to reach Yangyang, falling into step beside him and lowering your voice. “Seriously, Yang, I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

“It’s a risk, I’ll admit. But if anything happens to us, you know it’ll be grounds for a full-scale turf war. That’s why we’re being sent,” Yangyang pointed out, giving you a nudge with his elbow. “The almost un-expendables.”

You hated that he was right. The two of you were high-up in your organisation, valuable enough to keep close, valuable enough to avenge, valuable enough to justify war should you be attacked.

But not quite valuable enough to be protected at all costs. If you were killed, the organisation might suffer, but it would live to see another day when you would not.

One day, you were determined that would change. You would embed yourself within the company, make yourself essential, tie the survival of it to your existence and nothing else.

But until then, you had to grit your teeth and bear it.

Dinner was, amazingly, incredibly, miraculously, uneventful.

The subject of your talks was relatively simple. A new gang, barely shoved out of high school, so new that even their name hadn’t really been established yet, had managed to steal the docks out from under the Blood Gate’s noses. Your organisation had ties to shipping companies, and could get their hands on some impressive naval support.

In exchange for setting up a blockade around the docks to corner these upstarts while the Blood Gate made their move by land, your organisation would be given a whole bunch of stuff: money, weapons, a strip of new territory out by the commercial districts. Definitely nothing to sneeze at.

Your bosses gave the go-ahead over the phone, and you signed the deal. Simple.

Something very much not simple was the way that one of the Blood Gate members had been staring at you all night. You felt it constantly, his eyes trained on your every movement, the way you leaned forward in your seat when discussing blockade logistics, the way you traced the rim of your wine glass when you listened to anecdotes, the way you lifted your napkin to your mouth to dab away any errant smears of sauce.

You’d met him a handful of times before. Nakamoto Yuta. People mistook him for a thug and not much else, but there was a wicked intelligence behind his eyes. He knew how people worked, how they thought, where they would next strike.

At least, you’d thought so. Now, you wondered just how smart Yuta could be if he chose to stare at you so openly and so blatantly this whole time.

You’d made the mistake of glancing over and locking eyes with him twice over the course of dinner, and both times he’d smirked at you. Both times, you’d turned away.

You weren’t certain who had noticed. Yangyang might have, if he’d been paying attention, but the second the deal was signed, he’d been content to divert all of his focus on the pretty waitress assigned with pouring wine for the table. Yuta could have gotten out a switchblade and thrown it right at your face, and Yangyang would have needed a second to drag his eyes away from her legs before he could intervene.

After dessert, when the meal was winding down and settling into the ‘coffee-and-desserts’ stage, you excused yourself to the bathroom.

In there, you gave yourself a minute to decompress, to compose yourself as you tried to grapple with the evening’s events: smooth negotiations, no imminent threats of death, Nakamoto Yuta ogling you for two hours.

That wine had been nowhere near strong enough. You wondered if you could pull a server aside to ask the kitchen to slip a shot of whiskey into your americano. Maybe two.

You took some time to reapply your lipstick, and with one final deep breath, you unlocked the bathroom door and pulled it open.

To reveal Yuta, standing so close to the doorway that you almost ran face-first into his chest. In one quick motion, he pushed you back inside the room with a hand on your shoulder, and sneaked inside after you, locking the door behind him.

You raised your fists, stepping one foot back, assuming a defensive stance. “What the fuck is going on?”

Slowly, sharing exactly none of your urgency, Yuta turned away from the door to look at you. He shifted backwards, just slightly, leaning his back against the dark wood, hands in the pockets of his slacks.

He was tall, all lean muscle and long legs. Living up to the Blood Gate moniker, he was wearing a dark red suit, tailored perfectly, to match the rest of his delegation. Before tonight, you’d only ever seen him with his hair down, long and dark and so thick that it almost seemed shaggy, but now it was pulled back into a bun. Two pieces at the front fell loose on either side of his face, framing it perfectly.

“…You don’t seem pleased to see me.”

You blinked.

He didn’t budge, not even an inch.

Eventually, you rolled your eyes and dropped your hands, straightening up. “Figured that out all by yourself, did you?”

“I’m hurt.”

“I’m sure you are.”

He tilted his head, and you caught the subtlest flickers of curiosity in his eyes. “Does Yangyang know?”

“Know what?” You asked, lifting your chin, challenging him directly.

At this, Yuta grinned, his lips parting to reveal a set of perfect white teeth. Slowly, he took a step towards you.

“That you’ve fucked me…four times now? That’s a little concerning, isn’t it? Once, you could brush off as a fluke. But four times–”

“Three,” you interrupted, calmly, as collected as you could manage.

His brow furrowed just a touch. “Four. Shinjuku, Yokohama, Nagoya and Osaka.”

“Three. Osaka doesn’t count.”

“In Osaka, you rode my face until you cried, and you’re telling me that doesn’t count?”

“As fucking? No.”

He scoffed, and even as his grin dropped, he couldn’t hide his amusement. “Semantics.”

You folded your arms over your chest. “Is that why you followed me in here? Because if you’re hoping for another, you–”

“No,” Yuta said, simply, before adding in a slightly lighter tone. “Unfortunately.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, picking up on the subtlest of edges to his tone. You knew when Yuta was being insincere, and this wasn’t one of those times.

And then it hit you. “…No. No, you have got to be shitting me.”

“You signed the deal yourself,” Yuta pointed out. “Both sides are entitled to procuring leverage against the other, to ensure both follow through on their parts.”

“No,” you repeated, unmoved.

Yuta shrugged his shoulders, and you couldn’t quite tell if he was sympathetic or just amused. “I don’t think you have much of a say.”

“I say that all of you can go fuck yourselves if you think I’m just going to sign up for being a hostage.”

“‘Hostage’ is a strong word for it.”

You laughed. “Oh, really? Then, why don’t you come over and be our leverage?”

“Shotaro already volunteered,” Yuta sighed, as if his hands were tied.

“Well, Shotaro’s a moron.”

“Would it really be that bad? I can take the next few days off,” Yuta said, stepping forward again and closing the distance between the two of you. His hand drifted forward, the back of his knuckles coming into contact with your side. His gaze shifted from your face to follow the way his hand slid down. “I could finally fuck you in a real bed.”

Just as he probably intended, the image flashed into your brain of soft sheets, comfortable pillows, and Yuta’s hands gripping a bedframe so tightly that his knuckles whitened.

You swallowed, banishing the thought. “Are you trying to seduce me into being a hostage?”

Yuta’s lips twitched. “Why not? A little revenge for Shinjuku.”

You couldn’t help but smirk at the memory. You had sneaked away after your liaison with a USB drive Yuta had sworn to guard, and he continued to claim that the whole evening had been one big honeypot scheme. You pointed out how dumb he was to just drop the jacket in which the drive was pocketed onto the floor and forget about it, and that sneaking away with the drive had been an entirely unplanned happy accident.

As you reminisced, you must have fallen quiet long enough for Yuta to chance leaning in for a kiss. What a mistake on his part.

Your hand reached up and grabbed at his bun, pulling at his hair to jerk his head back. His breath caught, his long stretch of neck exposed. You could just barely make out the edges of his back tattoo, curling around the nape of his neck, peeking out of his jacket collar.

You smiled at him, raising an eyebrow. “Let’s negotiate. Give me your offer in full.”

“Do you always do business like this?” Yuta asked, and the angle in which you had him meant his eyes were almost obscured completely through his dark lashes. He gestured to the way your fist had wrapped itself in his hair.

You looked him in the eye, and let your grip relax slightly. After a moment’s hesitation, and with more than a little reluctance, Yuta went to pull his head away, and you snatched him back again, fingers twisting in the base of his bun. Already, it was starting to unravel.

This time, Yuta couldn’t help but grin. “You’re enjoying this.”

“Of course I am,” you said, with a shrug. “Now, talk.”

“Talk?” Yuta repeated, slowly, and you didn’t realise just how much filth one word could hold. “That’s not usually how I use my mouth when I want to persuade someone.”

Something deep inside your gut clenched. You managed a brief reply. “Oh, really?”

With just a wordless, charged look between the two of you, Yuta moved both of his hands to your hips before suddenly lifting you onto the counter beside the sink. Stepping closer, between your parted legs, Yuta went straight for the sensitive spot on your neck, right at the pulse point – a spot he discovered in Yokohama, after realising the ways in which the muscles of your body would tense to hide your reactions to anything that felt dangerously good.

You closed your eyes, arching into him slightly as you enjoyed the sensation, but the sudden memory of whereyou were gave you pause. Using your grip on his hair, you pushed his head downwards. “We don’t have much time.”

“You’re just impatient,” Yuta countered, rolling his eyes, but followed your directions. Slipping his hands under the hem of your dress, he pulled it upwards, exposing more and more of the soft skin underneath. You knew he’d glimpsed your underwear when he murmured. “Black? My favourite colour.”

“In Nagoya, you said it was blue,” you said, managing to keep your cool even as Yuta kisses just where the fabric ended and your thigh began.

“It changes,” Yuta mumbled into your skin, before turning his head and pressing open-mouthed kisses through the fabric of your underwear.

You felt the first gasp of breath leave you, felt the way your body began to relax.

Yuta was good – why else would you risk so much for this? He was experienced, and more importantly, he was intuitive. This was the fifth time the two of you had…connected in this sort of way, and he’d already figured out what speed you liked, what pressure. What your body thought it wanted, and how to give what it needed.

When you felt his tongue press against you, as if he were licking through the fabric, the hand gripping his hair began to slacken under the sweet relief.

Only for Yuta to pull away slightly, as he reached up with his hand to grab your wrist and very pointedly kept it pressed against his head. “Don’t stop.”

That was usually your line.

Intrigued, you went one step further, finding his hair tie and pulling it loose from his hair entirely. As it fell down around his head, you tossed the hair tie somewhere and instead grabbed a handful of his hair. You decided to test handling him a little more roughly, tightening your grip, and you were rewarded with a low noise from the depth of Yuta’s throat as his mouth was on you once more.

It developed into the perfect cycle. When Yuta made you feel good, your grip tightened in his hair, which seemed to only spur him on to do more. He didn’t even try to remove your underwear entirely, he just used to fingers to hook under the waistband and dragged them halfway down your thighs, just enough to give him the room he needed.

He seemed to like getting messy – or maybe it was just the enthusiasm he knew was essential in something like this. You couldn’t half-ass it and expect good results, you had to…

You cried out as his lips closed around your clit and he sucked, loud enough that you slapped your free hand over your mouth to stifle any other suspicious noises from reaching that kind of volume. But it was just getting so hard to remember why you had to, because all you could feel was Yuta’s mouth and all you could hear was his noises and yours and your hips were already rocking forwards and you were pretty sure that by this point you might even be dripping down his chin and you wanted–

“Is everything OK in there?”

Yangyang.

It took everything in you, every iota of self-restraint, not to groan in frustration at the sound of his voice. You couldn’t stop now, you wouldn’t, you were getting–

“You’ve been gone a while. Some people are moving to the balcony to smoke, and…is something wrong?”

Your hand shook as you slowly removed it from your mouth. Taking a deep breath, you tried to shout back. “No, I–”

Your voice cracked, breathing heavy, because Yuta chose that exact moment to run his tongue over your clit in the most infuriatingly perfect way. You looked down, trying to summon an expression of disapproval, and you were met with Yuta’s amused, utterly shameless eyes as he continued to eat you out with little to no regard for the consequences. You tried to pry him off by yanking on his hair, but he held on strong enough to stay within reachable distance, eyeing you the whole time.

Gulping, you steeled yourself to try again. You’d survived other kinds of torture before, and this was by far the nicest you’d ever experienced. You could do this.

“Sorry, Yang! I’ve…I’ve got stuff I’m trying to deal with,” you called out, proud of the stability of your voice. “I’ll be out in…uh, ten?”

Yuta murmured into the crook of your thigh. “You won’t last five.”

“Just go to the…” you cut yourself off again with a hiss, as Yuta returned to lavish his attention on your clit. “The balcony. I’ll meet you out there.”

To your intense – intense – relief, Yangyang seemed to take you at your word and left with a slightly awkward goodbye.

With him gone, you turned your focus back onto Yuta. “Fuck, you’re such…a dick.”

Yuta hummed in agreement, which was probably a calculated move, as the vibrations made you physically judder. Immediately, you clutched at him tighter, moving your hips more and more.

You needed it, you needed it, you needed the feeling it gave you, you needed the way it broke you just a little, the way it cracked open your shell, you needed Yuta’s face fucking ruined, you needed it, you needed…

“I…I’m…it’s…” you gasped, tears forming in your eyes. You were clutching Yuta’s hair so tightly that you were sure your nails were starting to dig into his scalp, but he didn’t seem to mind. Quite the opposite, honestly.

Your orgasm hit, white-hot and blinding, and your brain turned to mush. You couldn’t speak, you couldn’t think, you just gasped and shook with the after-effects. Like electrocution, intense, slow, violent.

Yuta let you ride out the last of it against his tongue, and eventually, you recovered. Your breathing began to slow, your body slumping with relief, your eyes fluttered to a close as you tried to come back down to reality.

Your grip finally loosened in Yuta’s hair completely, and you slowly began to card your fingers through it. It was so soft, almost reassuring in the same way stroking a beloved pet felt.

Yuta rested his forehead against your thigh, seemingly enjoying this softer treatment of his hair – nearly as much as he seemed to when you got a little rougher.

Your eyes were still closed when he finally spoke.

“We could have a week of this,” Yuta pointed out, slowly pulling your underwear back up your legs, putting them back into position. “Every single day. What’s stopping you?”

Maybe it was still the aftermath of that orgasm.

Maybe you were just tired of having to bottle everything up all the time.

You let out a deep breath.

“What happens after that week?” You asked. “It’s getting hard enough as it is, pretending like we hate each other.”

Yuta stilled. Something in the air changed, as if the very atmosphere between you two was surprised by the vulnerability that just escaped from you.

You felt the urge to take it back, pretend you’d never said it. But you were determined to never take a coward’s way out, so you bit your tongue, and decided Yuta would just have to deal with it.

You opened your eyes to find him staring at you, something in his eyes that you couldn’t identify between sadness and affection.

Without a word, he leaned in and pressed his lips to yours. These were the moments that always made it worse, the ones where you forget, just for a second, what lay just outside of those doors.

“We’ll figure it out,” Yuta declared, quietly, when he broke this kiss. “Just…please, say yes. Will you stay with me?”

You rested your forehead against his, exhaling slowly, and opened your mouth to answer.

[bbyyhyuck]

Hi ,

Can I request Nct 127 as love tropes. I really liked the one with dream unit

Yess, and Im happy you liked the other one!!

nct 127 as love tropes

warnings: none

___________________________________________

taeil:...first love. Taeil didnt believe in all those "love at first sight" things, neither in those soulmate ones, since he never felt a romantic attraction to anyone, until he saw you smile. His heart completely melted. And then, he finally understood. Poor boy was head over heels for you, and promised himself that you were the first and only love.

taeyong:...friends to lovers. This literally screams Taeyong. Like he would be your supportive best friend who's secretly had a crush on you but would hide it so good you wouldn't even realise. But when you got a boyfriend and he cheated on you, Taeyong couldnt bear it anymore and confessed everything. You told him you need some time to think about it but in the end you got together

johnny:...bestfriend's brother. You knew your bestie had an older brother, but she didnt tell you he was that hot. Your jaw dropped when you saw him. And his too, when he saw you. You two started having a thing but you couldnt betray your bestie like that, so you kept it a secret, until you guys started being sick of always hiding so you confessed to her about your relationship, and she was 100% percent supportive, as long as Johnny didnt steal you from her.

yuta:... she fell first, he fell harder & opposites atract. You def fell in love with him and crushed on him for some time, until Yuta finally got that. He just couldnt understand. You guys were so so different, but he somehow felt attracted to you too. At some point, he even started leaving you little anonymous notes in your locker, until you found him trying to place one of them one day.

doyoung:...boy next door. Idk if thats counted as a trope but Doyoung looks like the cute boy that lives next to you and loves to like always smile and chat with you, also helping you whenever your car had a problem or the sink didnt work. He would be so sweet, its impossible to not fall for him.

jaehyun:...fake dating. He crushed on you for a long time now and when he needed to pretend that he has a girlfriend for a bet, his mind flew right to you, and asked you to pretend being his gf for a month. And oh if only he didnt fall harder for you that month. He tried giving you small signs, as holding your hand even when you were all alone, giving you a ride, buying you lunch, and if you still didnt get them, he would straightforward kiss you and tell you that he loves you.

jungwoo:...secret admirer. Jungwoo probs fell for you when he saw you in the school hallway and thought that you looked like a goddess, so, he started supporting your social media while staying in the dark. He thought you were so sweet and smart, but he was too shy to talk to you, until one day you saw him at the cafeteria and asked for his insta, saying that he was cute. He thought he was dreaming for a second, but when he realised it wasnt a dream, he gave it to you and soon after you started dating.

(mark and haechan are here)

[primehyuck]

MOVES

aka good things take time (the happy ending version)

word count: 11.3k

i first started writing this because i’ve been listening to the song Moves by Suki Waterhouse on repeat, but it became much more than that

contents: long time best friend!haechan, slice of life, pining and yearning, chronological time jumps (mostly college and young adulthood), other members mentioned (Mark and Jeno!roommates), kissing, fluff, wet dreams, a good example of two people who seriously need to communicate, face sitting, morning sex, lots of pet names

“Do you think we’ll be friends for a long time?” Haechan’s soft voice distracts your attempt to focus on a blade of the blurry ceiling fan, unable to keep you cool despite it spinning so fast you think it might fly away.

“How do you mean?” the bed squeaks when Haechan sits up to lean over you.

“Growing up, I feel like my parents didn’t have many friends aside from each other. My mom told me that it’s because when you get older your priorities change and you realize who adds value to your life, and that’s who you decide to keep.” His eyes are glowing with sincerity, body blocking the flow of air from touching you at all “so when we’re older, and married with kids and other priorities, and we maybe live in different cities, do you think we’ll still be friends?”

You stare at him for a moment before shoving his face out of the way of the fans air stream.

“Definitely,” your confidence soothes him enough that he lays back down “if I ever muster up the creativity to come up with a reason to stop being your friend, you have to swear you’ll tell me how stupid I’m being, swear to me.” you smack his chest before he can even answer.

“I swear!” He smiles to himself, staring up at the ceiling with you, rubbing his hand over the warm spot where your hand made contact, melting into the mattress.

———

Growing up people always joked that Haechan and you would fall in love, that it was inevitable, practical even. Because, if you fall in love with your best friend you’ve already conquered one of the highest mountains - finding someone that you like, and who likes you back.

You had both seen the other in a relationship, an inevitability when you’ve been friends with someone since puberty. He’d cheered you on when you had your first kiss during a game of spin the bottle in high school, forced you to come out on double dates with him and a friend of his you didn’t even like just so he could take someone else out, and freshman year of college he’d even introduced you to the person you'd lost your virginity to.

The only time he cockblocked you was when you tried to get to know any of his friends more than platonically, so eventually you gave up and settled for real friendship with all of them.

“Trust me, you don’t want to touch him with a six foot pole.” He’d said freshman year when you had mentioned your attraction to his roommate, Mark.

“He seems so nice, though.” you pouted

“He is nice, but that doesn’t mean you want to be with him.”

“How would you know what I want?” you scoffed, and he looked at you like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Has the wind beneath my wings ever led you into the wrong arms?” He was highly animated, offended that you would question his judgment.

By the start of sophomore year it was obvious to everyone else that you were strictly off limits. All of his friends had decided unanimously that even if you did attempt anything with them they had no choice but to shut you down. The cold stare Haechan unknowingly serves them from across the room whenever they got too close was enough to keep them away. None of the boys ever minded the boundaries with you, there always was an ease in your friendship since they all knew it could never go further, but that didn’t mean they never thought about the possibility.

One night, at the end of junior year, Haechan is nowhere to be found at his own party and you graciously accept Jeno’s invitation upstairs when you complain of a headache, “we can play Mario Kart, and it won’t be all competitive like when Haechan plays with us.”

It starts like normal, and you're having fun when you realize that your tipsy brain can’t focus on the screen and the conversation simultaneously, opting for the latter as you relax into Jeno’s pillows. You don’t even notice him inching closer to you until his nose touches yours, tugging at a strand of your hair. This is the first time any of Haechan’s friends have shown interest in you, you’d never even been on the receiving end of a flirtatious stare from across the beer pong table, so you take the reins.

Kissing Jeno feels a little bit like winning, like you’ve finally made it past the invisible forcefield Haechan had put up around his friends. The kiss is lazy and hot, Jeno props himself up on one elbow and presses your back into the mattress with his chest. Your eager fingers run beneath his shirt, his abs tightening when you trail them over his sides. Your spine tingles when he groans into your mouth, the hand on your cheek moving to grip your knee and hike your leg over his hip. His hand holds strong around your thigh, and you sigh when he grinds into you.

Jeno pulls away too soon, stopping your hands reaching for the hem of his shirt with a pained sigh as he drops your leg to roll onto his back, flinging an arm over his eyes.

“Fuck, I should not be doing this with you.”

“Why, you don’t want to?” You want to curl into yourself, sitting up to stare down at his shaking head.

“No, definitely not that.” he pulls his arm away to meet your eyes, the alcohol in his veins making him brave enough to admit “Haechan would be pissed.”

“Haechan?” you question “did he say something to you?” Jeno groans, sitting up and hooking his elbows around his knees, staring at the mattress between his legs.

“No, no. He’s never actually said anything,” he knows he’s revealing too much, but he also knows he’s gone too far to stop “we just know he would never want us to cross that line with you.”

“We?” you can feel embarrassment bubbling in your chest at the idea of all of your friends talking about this.

“Yeah, you know, all the guys. We figured you were just off limits, I don’t know.” he grimaces, looking up at you with apologetic eyes when you don’t respond. You huff and climb off the bed, feeling rejected in more ways than one.

You’d crossed a boundary tonight, but Jeno was still a close friend, someone you’d spent a lot of time with since he met Haechan freshman year. He still knows you, so he grabs your wrist before you can leave, shifting to sit on the edge of the bed so he can stand you between his legs.

“I’m sorry, don’t be mad.” He envelops your hands in his and brings them to his chest.

“I’m not mad,” you mumble, avoiding his apologetic gaze “I’m embarrassed that all of my friends agreed not to touch me.”

“Did you really think not a single one of us was ever interested in you?” you shrug and he squeezes your hands tighter, heart tugging in his chest.

“When people don’t act interested, that’s usually a safe assumption.” you pout and Jeno’s laugh buzzes through your linked fingers "I gave up on all of you halfway through freshman year."

“Well, some of us are better actors than I remember.”

He has you laughing by the time you leave his room, sealing the night with one more self indulgent kiss and a pinky swear to never tell Haechan about what happened.

———

Halfway through the first semester of senior year Haechan bangs angrily on his roommates door before swinging it open and Jeno is genuinely shocked that it's taken this long for the gossip to hit his ears. The rest of the boys had clocked Jeno the next morning for being ‘too happy’ and he had to make them all swear not to tell, wanting to protect your pride and his own friendship with Haechan.

"You slut!" Haechan points an accusatory finger in Jeno's direction, dragging his feet slowly toward him until he's so close Jeno has to bat his hand out of his face.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, you know exactly what I'm talking about." Haechan's voice is low and angry, something new and unpleasant sparking in his gut at the idea of Jeno kissing you, touching you.

"No, I don't." Jeno can’t help but antagonize. Pleased with the perfect opportunity to trick Haechan into saying out loud what everyone else seems to have known for years.

"You kissed my best friend!" He shrieks, tossing his hands up in the air dramatically.

"So what, she's not allowed to kiss people?" Haechan squints his eyes at Jeno’s response, scrunching his nose in annoyance “how did you even find out?”

"She can kiss whoever she wants, it's all of you that aren't allowed to kiss her." Haechan waves his hand wildly toward the bedroom door, alluding to the large group of boys living in the house “you know Mark can’t keep a secret, he’s been bursting at the seams for months. All I had to do was ask.”

"It happened forever ago dude, why are you so pissed? You've never even given us a chance to get close to her in that way, maybe one of us could really like her." Jeno reasons, tugging at Haechan's strings, watching the gears in his brain turn as he tries to come up with a real argument.

"She has a boyfriend," Haechan finally says with a frown at the thought of the guy he’d only recently met, he doesn’t like him at all. From his stupid hair to the shoes he wears, there’s not a thing about your new boyfriend that Haechan thinks is good enough for you. He collapses into the gaming chair across from where Jeno is relaxed on the couch, not having moved at all since Haechan stormed in "plus, I think any of you would know by now, you've all known her for four years."

"I think, that it can take a lot longer than four years to realize how much you like someone." Jeno bites, "how long have you known her?"

"Since middle school." He picks at the hole in the knee of his black jeans, realizing what Jeno is alluding to, defensive exterior quickly crumbling.

"Right, I think that if you're blind enough then it can take ten years to realize how much you like someone."

"Well, maybe ten years is too long and that person missed their chance." Haechan turns his head to stare out the window, anxiously spinning the chair side to side.

"You know I'm talking about you, right?"

"God, yes, I know you're talking about me." Haechan glares at his friend, fidgeting stopping abruptly "and I know I've been a complete idiot about it, but like I said, I’m out of time."

———

Haechan can’t stop his free hand from clenching and unclenching as you sob into your pillow, his less angry hand rubbing over your back.

“He told me he saw us moving in together after graduation,” your voice shakes “how do you look someone in the eyes and say shit like that and then sleep with someone else?”

“I don’t know,” Haechan replies earnestly, feeling as helpful as flip flops in the snow from where he sits on the edge of your mattress “I’m so sorry.”

He takes your silence as an invitation, lying on his stomach, face turned toward you, fingers still drawing soothing circles over your shoulder blades. He waits patiently for you to calm down, unease swarming his stomach knowing that even after years of friendship he can’t truly comfort you in this moment.

“I’m so embarrassed.” you sniffle, smearing your face over your pillow before turning to look at him. He holds his breath, waiting for you to collect yourself enough to explain.

“I’m so gullible, he even told me he’s cheated in the past and for whatever reason I believed that he’d treat me differently, that he’d love me enough.” Haechan has to count to five in his head to stay calm before he speaks.

“You have no reason to be embarrassed. The most natural thing you can do is believe someone when they say they love you.” He murmurs, turning onto his side so he can pull you into a hug. When you curl into his body to bury your face in his chest he can only pray you can’t hear his heart pound against his ribs.

“He’s an idiot, and he didn’t deserve any of the love you gave him. I promise, you’re so much better off.”

Haechan hates the piece of himself that’s relieved your relationship has ended. The same piece that hated your ex the minute he met him, that feels heavy in your absence whenever you’re busy with anyone who isn’t him. The piece that crosses it’s fingers whenever you get this close in hopes that you’ll be the first one to cross the line, to finally do what he’s thought about doing for the last few months since he realized exactly how he felt about you.

“Thank you,” you mumble into his tear dampened shirt, lifting your leg over his to cuddle in even closer “thanks for always being my friend, even when I do dumb shit, like let boys be mean to me.”

He nuzzles his nose into your scalp, eyes fluttering shut at the smell of your shampoo “Thanks for letting me. Besides, even Beyoncé got cheated on, so you clearly aren’t that dumb.” the crowd in his brain cheers when you giggle into his chest.

“You’re so annoying.” He holds you even tighter.

———

“I can’t believe it,” your jaw drops and Haechan whips his head up nervously to look at you from across the couch

“What happened?”

“I got it, I got the job!” you shove his feet off your lap to jump up excitedly, bouncing on your toes as you read the email out loud. Haechan’s ears are ringing so loud he barely catches the first half, trying to shake off the dazed look he’s sure appears on his face.

“We were extremely impressed with your resume and even more so with the impression you left on the board during your interview, blah blah blah, excited to offer you this position, blah blah blah, and a relocation bonus to join us in in our new office!” the pitch of your voice rises a few octaves as you finish reading.

Haechan stares at you from his spot on the couch, eyes wide with shock that you’re too excited to notice, skimming your screen as you re-read the details in your offer letter.

His entire body is buzzing, torn between feeling excited at your accomplishment and sorry for himself.

He had a plan, a really good one, he thought. After your breakup you’d made it painfully clear that you wanted to be single for a while, and he knew if he could just be patient, it would all be worth it. So Haechan decided to bottle his feelings up, sitting patiently by your side where he had been for so many years, waiting for you to heal and hoping that when you were finally ready to start dating again he’d have mustered up the courage to make the first move.

“Lee Donghyuck, are you even listening to me!?” you drop your phone to pull him up off the couch, bouncing up and down with your fingers intertwined “I’m moving to my dream city, to start my dream job.” you reiterate and he snaps out of it, sweeping the imaginary shards of glass that his plan had been made out of under the rug and pulling you into a hug.

“That’s amazing, I’m so proud of you.”

“Your enthusiasm is overwhelming.” You deadpan, but squeeze him back just as tight.

“I’m sorry, I’m going to miss you is all.” He admits, "I'd follow you if my job didn't keep me here."

“I’ll make sure you don’t miss me too much, don’t worry.” you plant your cheek on his chest, surprised at the relief you feel in hearing him say it first.

———

This feeling was still a little unfamiliar, nerves. Haechan had never made you nervous growing up; excited, annoyed, passionate maybe, but never nervous.

The nerves began last summer, when he’d come out to visit you for the first time to celebrate his birthday. It was the longest you’d gone without seeing each other since you’d met, almost ten full months and the anticipation was palpable.

When he steps through the airport doors you think that it’s the relief of finally being near him again that knocks the wind out of you. Running into his open arms and being squeezed so tightly in them that you tap his shoulder to let you breathe. Ruffling his hair when he steps back and ignoring the fact that he had grown so much since you’d seen him last.

But as the night goes on, the slight changes to the person you have memorized become glaringly obvious. The way his cheeks have lost some of their cushion, revealing a sharp jaw and pointed cheekbones. The natural wave in his once unruly hair now falling perfectly over his brow bone, he had dyed it a little darker which made his tan skin glow even in dim lighting. Even his smell seemed to draw you into a trance, a much more expensive version of the Haechan you know.

“You know, that group of girls has been staring over at you since we walked in.” You raise your eyebrows playfully, pointing your glass toward the pretty gaggle that keeps walking past the booth you and Haechan occupy.

He doesn’t break eye contact with you before shrugging, “I didn’t come here to see them, I came to see you.” he smiles, punctuating his thought by reaching over the table and tapping your nose.

“I know, I know,” you laugh, batting him away “It never hurts to know when people are staring, though”

His face is unreadable as he rests his arm lazily up over the bench of the booth, body sinking into the seat while he lifts his glass to swirl his drink, biting the words that have been resting on the tip of his tongue the entire trip, and at the end of every phone call since you started your new job.

“How are you, seriously.” You push. In the time since you moved he’d started and ended a relationship with a girl that you’d never met. Your new job kept you so busy that you hadn’t even learned about the breakup until a week later, when you finally had the time to call him back. The guilt of your absence weighs you down, resenting your inability to be there for him the way he had been for you in the past.

“I’m over it, seriously.” You know he’s telling the truth, but it’s in your nature to pry.

“You never really talked about, why, you know.”

“Do I have to?”

“No, I’m sorry, I just feel so behind on your life.” You sigh and push your empty glass to the side, swirling your finger in the ring of cold water it leaves behind.

“It’s okay, really. You’ve been busy, I understand.” He reaches across the table to stop your anxious fingers “I didn’t love her the way I knew I should, that’s all. It’s a good thing that it ended, and I’m happy that it did.”

“That’s all that matters, then.” and he’s grateful that you drop the subject.

You eventually get back to your apartment, both giggly and flush from the alcohol still fogging your brain despite the long walk you'd hoped would lessen it. Haechan holds your hand the whole way back, even when he stops suddenly to pet a dog, dragging you down to the ground with him. He can’t help himself, grateful that at this point you'd touched one another in every way other than what he dreams about most, and you seem oblivious to his need to be so close to you.

As you get ready for bed he lets himself watch you undress facing the wall away from him, unaware of his gaze burning into your backside and the way his fingers tingle at the thought of pulling at the meat of your hips. He scolds his heart for thudding so loud when you squeeze your eyes into a smile at his reflection standing next to yours at the sink while you brush your teeth, the domestication of your friendship that he used to appreciate now suffocating him.

You put on a movie and invite him to rest his head on the pillow in your lap, wishing he could bury his nose into the skin of your thighs beneath it. Halfway through the movie he has to sit up to hide the way his cock is hardening at the feeling of your nails combing through his hair and down his shoulder, occasionally thrumming over his chest. He pulls a blanket off the back of the couch and tosses it over his legs as casually as possible, pulling you into his side by your shoulder, the other arm stretched across the back of the couch.

"Are you cold for the first time in your life?" Haechan never wants to use a blanket, but you’re grateful for the position giving you access to bury your face into his chest, gripping his shirt.

"No, just want to be warmer." he presses a blushing cheek onto the top of your head, trying to think of anything except the way your hair smells, or the feeling of the side of your breast brushing his wrist through your shirt. Haechan feels eighteen again and like he's discovering the connection between romantic and sexual feelings for the first time in his life. He tries to match his breathing to yours, holding his breath whenever you shift in his hold and reconnecting his stomach with your back as quickly as possible. The temptation to pour his heart out is overwhelming, but when he feels your body completely relax into his and your breathing slow down, the words become trapped in his throat, so he lets you sleep.

Haechan had never experienced a shorter 48 hours than that weekend he spent following you around the city you now call home.

You’re shining in your new space, and he happily trails behind you to all the places you’ve discovered in the almost year since you moved. His stomach does somersaults whenever you point something out that reminds you of him.

“I’ve been waiting to come here until you could come with me!” you're so excited to take him to the video game themed coffee shop that your co-workers had recommended “I thought about coming to see if it was even worth it, but I only want to play these kinds of games with you anyway.”

Sometimes he can forget about his feelings for you, when things are just as they always have been. You talk with and touch him the same, laugh at his jokes the same. He thinks that if he were to ever say out loud what he’s been feeling, that the two of you would still be the same but with a little More, ‘you guys’ but on steroids. So when everything is normal he can pretend like it‘a not. He can act like the More is there when you hold his hand to drag him around to the different machines, play games he wants to play even if you don’t want to, you even wipe ice cream off of his chin when his cone starts to melt because he’s talking too much to eat and he wonders why it took him so long to see it this way, and if you could too.

He keeps thinking the moment will come, when he’ll know spilling his guts to you is the right thing to do. But between you gushing over how much you love your new life and your willingness to point out every girl who has blinked at him this weekend, he completely loses the steam he’d gained during his flight, regardless of how his imagination runs wild with the More.

He curses himself the entire weekend for his lack of bravery, hoping that keeping his feelings in is the right decision. After his recent relationship crashed and burned because of his feelings for you he thought he had no choice but to come clean. But watching you, being with you in your new life makes him realize that his role in it hasn’t changed even if his feelings for you have.

The lump in his throat as he stands outside the departure doors is more than just sadness at the thought of leaving you, it’s the realization that he has to let the romantic idea of you go.

“How come you never cry when we have to leave each other,” you hiccup into his chest, and he coos your name lovingly.

“Don’t worry, you know I save my tears for the plane to make everyone in my row uncomfortable.” He knows that you hate that he’s making you laugh at a time like this, pulling away so you can swat his chest and he raises his hands in surrender.

“When will we be able to see each other again?”

“As soon as possible.” He nods reassuringly, wiping your tears with his thumb, heart pounding as he stares into your watering eyes “hey, you’re my best friend in the world, you annoy me every day, and I love you.”

“Whatever, I love you too.” you laugh, but his heart speeds up at the words that you’ve said to him thousands of times. You sweep your arms around him one last time before pushing him toward the airport doors “you better go, if you miss your flight I can’t guarantee I’ll let you leave at all.”

“Don’t tempt me.” He walks backwards slowly, staring at you with a ‘kicked puppy’ kind of face he mastered years ago and you wave enthusiastically, blowing loud kisses into the air that he catches and clutches to his heart.

“This is it,” he thinks, “this has to be it.”

———

Haechan is dreaming about you. He has been nightly ever since he got back from his birthday weekend. He’s grateful the dreams have variety, since some of them overwhelm him to the point of waking up and not being able to fall back asleep.

Sometimes, you’re young again and whenever anyone says “You know, it’s just a matter of time until one of you has a crush on the other.” you both theatrically gag, laughing at each other as if it were the most insane idea in the world. Or, you're sitting on his childhood couch watching your guys' favorite movie for the hundredth weekend in a row, vocalizing the parts of the two main characters and recreating all the best scenes.

Sometimes you’re at his apartment just hanging out together, which are dreams that feel so real he almost expects to see you in his kitchen when he wakes up. Most of these dreams spark a deja vu laced flame in his gut so deep he finds himself confusing them with memories. The ache of missing you wakes him up before his alarm some mornings, and he finds himself face timing you once he knows you're awake just to watch you make coffee and wash your face.

But sometimes, he has dreams that make him feel so ashamed he can barely text you back in the morning. Dreams where he reaches to touch you and you let him, where you tug at his hair and moan his name while he does all the things that he can only do to you in his sleep. He hates to say that these are his favorite, but it's the one dream he knows he'll never actually achieve and he goes to bed every night praying for them.

That’s the kind of dream he’s having when his phone buzzes him awake. He answers without looking because there are only a handful of people who can reach him when he’s on ‘do not disturb’, and you’re one of them. He hums a sleepy greeting into his phone, putting it on speaker next to his pillow and nearly drifting right back into the dream and between your thighs.

“Donghyuck” his eyes shoot open at the sound of your voice “did i wake you up?”

He can practically hear the pout in your voice, squinting at the time on his phone, “Yes, it’s three in the morning,” he stares down to where he’s half hard, running an embarrassed hand over his face even though there’s no possible way for you to know “are you okay?”

“No, well technically yes but I miss you which means things could be better.” you slur your words and Haechan smiles, somehow he's never annoyed that you call him pretty much every time you drink. He thinks it's because he's familiar with this version of you, though he definitely hasn't seen it often since college graduation. This version of you loves him hard, and is never afraid to say it.

"I miss you too," he takes a beat before adding "I was dreaming about you just now."

You gasp excitedly "Really! What were we doing." He smirks at the thought of telling you that you had been sitting on his face, hand reaching back for his cock while he guides your cunt over his tongue until you were shaking above him.

"Just, hanging out." he shrugs. It's his second time this week alone dreaming of your clit bumping his nose, and the thought makes his mouth water.

"I don't believe you." You say accusingly "that's way too boring for a mind like yours to dream up."

"What exactly is my mind like?" He yawns, throwing his forearm over his eyes.

"Oh, you know," you hum "your mind is a galaxy, with at least a billion planets and twice as many stars. I wish I could fly into your head and explore it, but NASA doesn't have the funds."

Haechan holds his breath at your compliment, the smile on his face so wide he can hear it in his own voice "That sounds like an episode of Magic School Bus."

"Your brain is definitely cooler than some cartoon, it's pretty much my favorite place on Earth."

"How would you know, you've never actually been inside?" He shakes his head, teasing you gently. Hearing words like these come out of your mouth breaks his heart and glues it back together at the same time.

"Are you saying you never think about me?" you ask him, not an ounce of sarcasm in your voice.

"I think about you all the time, I promise, all the planets in my brain are shaped like you." You hum, pleased with his response. He shuts his eyes and waits for your answer.

"Yeah, all the planets in mine are shaped like you, too." you pause for a second and add "plus all the stars, I win, I think about you more."

———

This time when Haechan comes to visit you, you know the nerves are more than just excitement at seeing your best friend. It’s a feeling that is nestled so deep in your stomach it makes you a little nauseous. You haven't seen him since you went home for the holidays and he only has one night in the city. You find yourself grueling over your reflection in the mirror, not used to being self conscious in front of him. You’re only going out for happy hour, but you put yourself together to last all night.

When Haechan finally arrives he whistles lowly, making you blush when he pulls out of your hug and requests a spin.

“I appreciate that you got so dressed up for me.” He teases, hoping you don’t catch his eyes sweeping over your legs, wanting to commit you in this dress to memory.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” you roll your eyes as if you hadn’t spent the last two hours making sure you looked as perfect as possible. Hoping he doesn’t see the pile of clothes shoved into your closet from all the failed attempts.

“Never,” he grabs your purse off of the counter and opens the door, sweeping his arm out in front of him dramatically “after you. There are some strangers outside who are waiting to catch a glimpse of you, they just don’t know it yet.”

“You are so dramatic.” You lock the door behind you, using the moment facing away from him to collect yourself. Lately you catch yourself wondering if he'd always been so flirtatious, or if you're just forcing meaning behind his words because of how badly you want him to be.

“What, a guy can’t compliment his best friend?”

You smile widely at him and grab your bag out of his grasp, popping your key inside and walking toward the entrance of your building. Praying your fingers stop shaking when you finally get a drink in you. Haechan throws his arm around your shoulders while you walk down the street to your favorite cocktail bar and you're grateful for his usual chatter, talking to you about work and his slow climb up the ladder.

“They put me in a hotel this time, so you don’t have to worry about making me breakfast in the morning.” He smiles at you, sipping his drink gingerly.

“You know I never cook you breakfast.” He feels so far away across the table and you wish that you were sitting next to him instead, shoulders cold without the weight of his arm around them. It feels so good to have him touch you, to feel like you're his. There's a small part of you that feels guilty for using his knack for physical affection to your advantage, he has no idea what the heat of his skin on yours does.

“I know, but all the meetings are in the hotel anyway so it’s easier this time to just stay there.”

You try not to let yourself visibly deflate at the news, wanting to keep him for yourself the whole time he’s in town. His knee presses against yours under the table and you focus all your energy into acting the way you would have before, but you can’t focus on anything else and cross your legs to pull away from him as casually as possible. As badly as you want to touch him, sometimes you can’t.

“What time do you have to be up?”

He groans, leaning back enough that his knee now slides against your shin, “too early,” and glances down at his now empty glass, motioning to the bartender for another “which means you need to drink faster, so I can stop at a reasonable hour.”

You smile, downing the rest of your drink in one gulp, when his foot taps against yours you know it's going to be a long night.

The end of the night finds you together on your couch with a shared bottle of wine sitting empty on the coffee table, his early meetings temporarily forgotten. You and Haechan have been in this position plenty of times, drunk, slap happy and overly touchy in a way that you had always been comfortable being with one another. The difference now is you, this version of you who wants your best friend in an entirely different way.

Every time he pulls you closer you feel electricity shoot straight to your heart so intensely that you have to duck out of his grasp. You don’t know what to do with the feelings that have been growing gradually from your toes up, now practically sprouting out of your scalp with a neon sign blinking “I’m in love with you” over and over.

“Why do you keep doing that?” Haechan whines when you all but flinch away from his hand reaching for his phone near your arm. He’d been aware of it all night, the space you left between the two of you while you walked back from the bar, your sudden inability to maintain the eye contact that he craved. The complete lack of physical touch makes him feel dejected.

“Doing what?” You give him a panicked look, practically sober at the thought of being found out, of what it would feel like to be rejected by him.

“You’re not letting me touch you,” he frowns, and the alcohol buzzes through your veins again “not that you need to let me, but you only avoid it like this when you’re upset. Did I do something?” he pouts, tired eyes low when he flops his head onto his bicep resting on the back of the couch. You forget to breathe for a second when he looks up at you under dark lashes.

“I’m not upset. I wasn’t doing it on purpose.” you’re lying through your teeth, but scoot an inch closer to him to make your point. He doesn’t look convinced, and if you’d had less to drink you may have noticed the mischievous glint in his eye before he grabs you by your arm, knocking you off balance and into his chest.

“See,” he sighs happily, wrapping his arms around your body and you can feel his chest buzz when he hums, cheek pressed to the top of your head. You have no choice but to ungracefully shift your lower body closer to him, making yourself a sponge and soaking in his familiar touch “isn’t that better?”

You nod, “Yes, it is better.” and you really wish he didn’t know you so well, that even in his fifth hour of being drunk he can read your mind. He pulls your ear off his heart to grab your cheeks, smushing them together and whispering your name with a shake of his head.

“What is it?” he urges, and you wrap your fingers around his wrist to loosen his grip. You shut your eyes, take a deep breath and count to three in your head before you can talk yourself out of leaning forward and pressing your lips to his.

You feel him falter for a half second before he’s kissing you back, pulling your face closer and pushing his body toward yours. You can’t hear anything over the blood rushing in your ears when his tongue touches yours, and then suddenly his mouth is gone. He moves so quick you have to put your arms out to stop yourself from face planting into the cushion he had just been sitting on.

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” you gasp “i shouldn’t have done that, Haechan, I’m so sorry.”

It takes everything in you to look up to where he’s now standing with his arms crossed over his chest protectively. You have no idea what he’s thinking, staring down at you with wide eyes. Insecurity sweeps through you under his intense gaze, and you almost beg him to say something.

“I’m seeing someone,” the way the confession rings in your ears would have you believing that he screamed the words, but his voice was barely above a whisper “shit, I’m sorry.”

You aren’t sure if it’s your life that flashes before your eyes, or your years of friendship with him, at this point the two tend to blur together.

“That’s-” you sit back on your calves and inhale shakily, knowing it’s not even worth it to attempt to fake any sort of excitement for him “why didn’t you tell me?”

He shrugs, swallowing thickly and pulling his eyes away from your face to stare at the ceiling “It’s new and I didn’t know how. It just never came up.”

“Well then, I’m sorry that it didn’t. I shouldn’t have done that, I don’t know what came over me.” grateful that he’s finally the one avoiding eye contact with you so he doesn’t see your legs wobble when you stand “probably best to pretend that never happened. I’m just drunk and I missed you-”

Your name sounds so pathetic when he says it this time and you think it’s the eighth wonder of the natural world that you haven’t started crying yet. You shake your head instead, wishing so desperately that you had changed out of the dress you were wearing as you pull the slinky material down your thighs.

“Honestly, Haechan,” You regret your next words before they even hit the air “you should probably go. You have an early morning.”

The shock on his face pains you, but you can’t stand to see what you can only assume is pity growing in his eyes for another second.

“I don’t want to go, I want to talk about this.”

“I’m sorry.” you say again and his shoulders slump in defeat, recognizing that you’d made up your mind.

“It’s okay.” He means it, shuffling forward and the look on your face is nearly enough to bring him to his knees. His breath catches when you shift away the inch he moved toward you, eyes locked on his and he can see the desperation in them before he hears it in your voice.

“Text me when you get to the hotel?” your voice cracks with a heavy mix of exhaustion and embarrassment that makes him nods once, grabbing his things and walking slowly toward your door. He turns to look at you, but his words catch in his throat when he sees your eyes begin to water, mustering up all his energy to offer what he prays is a reassuring smile before letting himself out.

You sink back into the couch when the door clicks shut, head hanging in your hands as the tears finally start to flow. You cry so hard you feel like you could throw up, replaying his rejection over and over in your mind, shame and regret coursing through your veins. Pure embarrassment heats your body at the look on his face when he told you he was seeing someone, and you’re not sure if it was disgust or pity in his eyes.

On top of the rejection, knowing that he didn’t feel like he could share something as big as meeting someone with you was a dagger to the heart, up until recently you had never kept a secret from him, and even this one you clearly couldn’t keep in for long.

You force yourself into the shower, scrubbing angrily at your skin under the scalding water. You get out once your fingers have pruned and your skin feels raw, avoiding the mirror on your way to your bedroom. You kick angrily at the dress you'd left on the floor, watching it land near the pile of outfits you had discarded while getting ready.

Haechan had texted you nearly thirty minutes earlier

“made it back”

you give it a thumbs up before turning your phone off, setting an alarm with the clock on your side table and letting the emotional exhaustion lull you to sleep.

------

Haechan is realizing that there is no way in hell that you need space more than he needs to talk to you. He tries to call you multiple times the first week after you kissed him but you never answered, and Haechan doesn’t want to push you to the point of no return. What he really wants is to go back in time and not leave you that night, but the pain in your eyes was so pronounced he couldn't bare to make it any worse. The only physical proof that you had kissed him at all being the stupid blue thumbs up on the text he had sent you that night. It's followed by a slew of reassuring texts, saying that he broke up with his girlfriend and if you would please just talk to him, that he's not mad.

This is the feeling he carries with him nearly two weeks later on the flight to you, when he’s sure that another minute of silence from you will kill him. By the time he gets to your apartment it’s almost midnight, so he knocks loud enough to wake you up.

When you open the door in a shirt he thinks might be his, Haechan knows he has no choice. He's speaking before you can say anything, before he can change his mind.

"I came here to tell you that I think you're being really stupid." He curses internally for the obvious nerves in his voice, your tired eyes widen with shock at his words.

"Excuse me?"

"Years ago you made me swear that I would tell you if you ever came up with a reason not to be my friend anymore. So I'm telling you now, I think you're being really fucking stupid."

"I'm not doing that" You defend yourself, tearing up at the sight of him. He pushes into your apartment, shutting the door behind him and standing close enough to touch. He’s staring you down with pleading eyes, and you bury your face in your hands so you don’t have to look at him.

“Then why are you ignoring me? Why won’t you let me fix this?”

“I don’t know I just,” you inhale shakily “I don't know how to do it right now, not like this."

"Like what?" He hopes he already knows the answer, but needs to hear you say it, to know that you’re as serious as he is. Your mouth feels full of cotton when he forces you to look at him by whispering your name, pulling your hands from your face and his heart pinches tightly at the tears welling in your eyes "please tell me, please. Like what?"

"You already know," your bottom lip betrays you, voice weak beneath heavy emotion when you speak "I love you, Haechan. I'm in love with you, and I don't know what to do about it. I feel like I fucked everything up, but I can’t undo it."

He feels his lungs fill with relief. Haechan steps forward to close the small gap between your bodies, grabbing your jaw to rest his forehead against yours. You falter, but his hand on the small of your back keeps you from going anywhere, he's practically panting and you can barely stand, dizzy with the feeling of him. You want to pinch yourself to make sure you’re not dreaming when he whispers "You didn't fuck anything up."

He ghosts his lips over yours for a moment until he's sure you're not going to stop him. When he finally kisses you it's with years of pent up adoration, directing your arms around his neck and pressing his thumb firmly into your jaw, long fingers wrapping around the side of your throat. He practically whines when your fingers tighten in his hair and your lips part for his warm tongue. His arm wraps around your waist so tightly you have to hinge backward to keep your mouths connected, gasping at the strength you didn't know he had.

He keeps your stomach flush to his own and kisses you until you're practically limp in his arms, pulling away to breathe. His eyes are shut as he rubs his nose over yours

"I love you, too. I've been meaning to tell you for a while." All the blood rushes into your ears at his words and you can't stop your biggest worry from spilling into the air.

“What if you change your mind?”

“I made up my mind a long time ago, there's nothing you could do to change it." He blinks his eyes open, pulling his face away from yours just enough to see you, the trepidation in your eyes makes him say your name quietly.

"It's only me, you know me," he assures you in a hushed tone "you have to know by now that you are my entire world."

You could laugh, only him, as if he hasn’t been one of the most important people in your life since the day you met. As if he isn’t someone who has seen you at every stage of it so far. It’s Haechan, who has always been funny, who has witnessed the worst sides of you and never made you feel bad, who has never left your side.

You kiss him again, fingers wrapping in tight fists around his shirt to keep yourself grounded. Haechan’s heart pounds happily in his chest and he hopes you can feel it this time, both hands nestling into your hair. He kisses you gently in an effort to slow down your urgent movements, moaning at the taste of your mouth. You fall into his rhythm easily, the way his tongue rolls gently over yours makes your body go up in flames. You move your hands to slide beneath his shirt, landing on the strong muscles in his back and teasing your fingers up his sides.

When you finally come up for air he stares at you for a minute before laughing, stomach tightening beneath your fingers when he does.

"What's funny?" you shut your eyes, leaning your forehead into his chest, letting the pretty sound ring in your ears.

"Nothing, I'm just-" he cuts himself off with a shrug, nuzzling his nose into the crown of your head "I love you, and you love me back. That's all, that's how easy it is."

"It hasn't been easy at all, in fact my life has been very very hard since your birthday last year.” He pulls away from your head to ogle at you.

"My birthday last year?" You nod, feeling your cheeks flush under his intense gaze, it had really been that long "God, I'm sorry I'm such a fucking idiot."

He's kissing you again before you can ask him to elaborate, grabbing hold of both wrists in one hand while he walks you backward and guides you up onto the counter as slowly as he has to in order to keep his lips on yours. His hips are the perfect height for you to wrap your legs around, gasping in surprise when he slides his hands around your ass and presses your core tightly against the growing bulge in his jeans.

You feel shy when you pull away to ask if he wants to go to your bedroom, feeling frozen in place when he stares at you with half lidded eyes, his plump lips swollen and red.

"Tonight, I'm just kissing you." Every cell in his body is screaming in protest at his own words. He can't express how badly he wants to do everything else, to recreate his dreams, to learn the parts of your body he'd never seen before. But he can't imagine doing anything but this tonight, just this; his lips on yours, your breath in his lungs and your body melting into his.

"Why?” your eyebrows pull together in confusion. You practically shiver with need, tucking your arms between your stomachs and burying your nose in his throat. His laugh buzzes against your face, rubbing his hands gently over your shoulders and trying to control his own breathing as your lips brush over his skin.

All he can say is, “Because I’ve been needing to for a long time.”

“How long?” You pull away from his chest, leaning back onto your hands and closing your eyes when he runs his own down your sternum and over your waist, groping at the flesh of your hips and trying not to regret his romantic side.

“Way too long.”

“Your birthday?” you ask, tugging gently at his shirt. He plants his hands outside of your legs to lean in close, one corner of his mouth pulling up.

“Much longer.” Your eyes widen in shock, and he interrupts you before you can question him “can we talk about it later? I have something really important to do tonight.”

———

He tells you that he's had feelings for you since senior year of college, when you kissed Jeno. He tells you about his plan to admit everything when he had seen you on his birthday, but that he was too scared. He assures you he ended his relationship the moment he got back home the previous week “because everyone has felt like a matter of 'when' it will end, not 'if',” He tells you that just two weeks of your silence hurt worse than any previous heartbreak, and you agree. And before you fell asleep next to him he tells you again, ‘I'm so in love with you.’ and shimmies excitedly when you say it back before kissing you until you can barely keep your eyes open. He holds your cheeks in his hands and practically lulls you to sleep with his tongue, plush lips pressing to yours so gently you can hardly feel them dotting around the rest of your face. He thinks he could do this forever before sleep finally catches up with him, his arm slung over your side to hold your face to his chest.

You wake up curled into a familiar side, your first emotion being giddy as the night floods back to you. Despite your obvious willingness to go further, Haechan had meant it when he said he'd only be kissing you. It made you crazy at first, but when the two of you were staring at each other in the mirror with shy eyes while moving through a nighttime routine you had gotten familiar with years before, you were happy he had the self control you clearly lack. The idea of him actually seeing and touching you in ways he never had before, of doing all the things you'd found yourself imagining him doing over the last year; it was overwhelming. Kissing until your jaw was sore and your lips were swollen felt easy.

You’re startled by Haechan’s hand reaching for yours, holding your palm and bringing your fingers to his lips to press a kiss to each one, “good morning.” his voice is deep and tired, mouth landing on the crown of your head.

"Good morning." You press your nose into his chest happily, gripping his hand in yours and resisting the urge to squeal with delight.

"What are you so excited about, me?" He teases, hand falling on your thigh to guide your leg up the front of his, stopping just below his crotch and you hope he's going to give you what you'd been wanting all night, for the last year.

"You, I just can't believe how happy I am." You admit, lifting your head off of his chest to smile at him. He pulls you right back down, kissing your lips once before rolling you both over so he's on top of you. He presses a hand over your collarbone and drags his lips down your chin and over your throat.

"You know, this means you're all mine now." he smirks against your neck when you nod, gasping when he sucks gently at the base. He has one forearm on the mattress, the other hand too gentle on your ribs. You can feel that he's hard and you immediately roll your hips up.

"Does this mean you're gonna do more than just kiss me now?" you intend to sound confident, but it comes out as a whimper. His nose brushes over your jaw before he presses lingering kisses to your chin and cheek.

"Yes, baby, if you'll let me." You nod eagerly, shifting your face so your lips are beneath his and sighing happily when he lowers his weight onto your torso, licking into your mouth. You shiver with anticipation when he pushes at your shirt, long fingers tickling up your side before landing on your breast. You gasp into his mouth when his thumb brushes over your already hard nipple.

Your impatience is overwhelming, grabbing the back of his shirt and tugging it up to his shoulders. He pulls away reluctantly, reaching one hand toward his back and pulling his shirt over his head. You gnaw at your lip, running your hands over his stomach and hooking your knees around his hips as much as you can while stretching your arms over your head.

“Cute.” he murmurs, pulling your shirt up and tossing it to the side. He gropes at your chest, tongue wetting his lips before he leans down to wrap them around one of your nipples. He’s trying to act without thinking, to let the dreams he’s had pave the path down your body because he knows the second he acknowledges his nerves he won’t be able to shake them off. His heart thrums when you gasp above him, arching your chest into his mouth. He’s greedy for your sounds, his hands squeezing your breasts together and licking between them to get to the other nipple. When your hips buck up into his he groans, pulling away from your chest and staring down at you with wondering eyes.

“Can I?” He feels unnaturally shy, leaning back on his calves and watching his fingers press dimples into the flesh of your hips above your underwear, tugging at the hem.

“You don’t need to ask.” He smiles, forcing you to sit by grabbing the back of your neck for a kiss. His fingers press into your clothed core and your hips roll into his hand. He sighs into your mouth at your desperation, torn between teasing you and touching you everywhere.

You can’t keep your legs from shutting around his arm when he pushes your panties to the side and slides his middle and ring finger up your wet center, circling over your clit.

You pull away from the kiss, blinking up at him and your mouth falls open when he presses firmly on your clit, rubbing in slow circles. His head hangs as he lets out a quiet “fuck” at your reaction, moving his hand off your neck to stroke over your stomach and without it behind your head you have to lie back, he presses your legs open. Haechan stares at your chest while he settles between your knees, pushing two fingers inside your dripping core. His jaw hangs open, watching his knuckles disappear inside of you.

“So soft,” he breathes, staring down to where his fingers glisten when he pulls them out to rub over your clit again, palming over his cock getting harder in his sweats “want to be everywhere at once.”

“Want you everywhere.” you whine when his fingers pull away to hook into your underwear, tugging them down your legs. Haechan stands to strip and you hold your breath and soak in the soft swell of his hip that leads to where his cock hangs heavy between his legs. It’s pretty like the rest of him, and thicker than you'd expected with a leaking tip that matches the color of his tongue, he strokes himself once and you don’t get the chance to reach for him before he lays back on the bed, rolling you to sit on top of him. You shudder when your pulsing clit rubs over his stomach, inner thigh squeezing into his ribs. He runs his hands up your waist, scooting you an inch higher and grabbing onto your tits.

“Do you remember a few months ago, when you called me drunk and I told you I was dreaming about hanging out with you?” He shivers when you grind down in response, wet pussy sliding easily over his skin “I lied.”

Your hands press into his chest, tilting your head “what were we doing?” you can barely speak above a whisper when he pinches gently at your nipple with one hand, the other rubbing over your ribs when he smirks up at you.

“You were about a foot higher than you are right now,” you gasp and reach out to grab the headboard when he jolts his hips to move you up his chest, staring down at him with wide eyes as he shifts to wrap his arms under your legs, fingers pressing into your thighs.

“You dreamt about this?” you let him bring your hips to hover over his face, hands falling into his hair when he brushes his nose over your clit as he nods.

“All the time,” he moans and drags you down onto his face, lips wrapping around your clit. You shudder above him, letting some of your weight collapse into your heels and he groans happily at the pressure of you on his chin, pressing you harder onto his mouth to fuck his tongue into you. He wants to devour you, every sound you make goes straight to his cock which is already rock hard at the taste and smell of you. Even just thinking about the fact that it's your hips grinding over his face right now is enough to make him moan into your pussy.

You slur out praise, one of your hands shooting up to grip the headboard. His hands wander gently up your sides, eyes opening to stare up to where he plays with your tits, hard cock pulsing at the sight of your head thrown back, hips moving in gentle circles over his face. Haechan’s hand tugs yours down to his hair, trying to restrain himself from thrusting into the empty air at the feeling of you all over him. He hums happily into your pussy when you start to grind over his mouth, flattening his tongue for you to ride until your legs are shaking.

He lets out a deep “mmhmm” when you warn him that you’re going to cum, suckling hard on your clit until you’re practically begging him to let you go, body crumpling forward with both hands tangled in his hair. He's grateful you didn't touch his cock, just the thought of your fingers wrapped around him is enough to make him cum and he has other plans.

You can’t speak when you collapse onto the mattress beside him, immediately warmed by the weight of his body on top of yours as he slots himself between your thighs, sucking a hickey onto the front of your throat.

“Taste too fucking good,” he hums, mouthing over your chin and cheek “been dreaming of eating your sweet pussy for so long.” you practically swoon when he kisses you, pre-cum wetting the inside of your thigh when he relaxes his stomach onto yours.

“Hyuck, want you in me, please” Your vision is blurry, whining into his swollen lips. He works them over your cheek before pulling away from you, bringing one of your legs up to his shoulder and you rest the other knee on his hip. He can feel himself pant when he taps the head of his cock on your swollen clit, practically drooling when he sticks barely the tip inside before pulling back and repeating the tantalizing motion.

“Been waiting for too long to be teased,” you pout, trying to encourage his hips toward yours with the ankle he’s not pressing his cheek into. He smirks and circles his leaking tip over you again, watching his cock spread your arousal around before he pushes into you a little further.

“I’m taking my time with you, feels so fucking good.” He can’t look away from between your thighs, messy hair hanging over his forehead while his fingers grip your ankle tightly. You whimper when he pulls all the way out again, one more hard tap against your pulsing clit before he pushes himself halfway into your leaking pussy. You rise onto your elbows, trying to reach one hand to grab for his hip but he releases the base of his cock to stop you by lacing your fingers together. When Haechan finally looks into your eyes he bottoms out, stretching your leg toward your chest so he can lean in. His hips stutter, a choked groan rumbling deep in his chest.

“Oh my god, Hyuck please.” you beg him to move with a gasp. His forehead presses to your chin, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Fuck, baby, been needing you," he thrusts into you slowly, lifting his head to look down at you glowing beneath him with your eyes shut. He pulls out all the way before thrusting back inside, quickening his hips when your eyes flutter open, the look on your face enough to make his balls tighten slightly, shutting his eyes to regain self control "knew you'd feel so fucking good."

"M’so full, Haechan." you moan at his words and the rapid slap of his hips on the back of your thighs, forcing your eyes to stay open so you can see his face. The way his nose scrunches with focus when he pulls away from your chest, both his hands wrapping firmly around your hips while he watches his cock sink into you. Brown, shaggy hair sticks to his damp forehead, full lower lip taken between his teeth. He’s pure, unadulterated boyish beauty, and he’s all yours.

You squeak when he lets your leg drop off his shoulder, pressing your thigh as far open as it will go with your heel digging into his backside. He fans his fingers over your lower stomach, thumb reaching down to push your clit side to side and your hips tuck up for more pressure, Haechan moans loudly when the movement causes you to clamp around his cock, "Perfect fucking pussy, can't believe it's mine now. Like my fingers on your pretty clit?”

You nod enthusiastically, letting go of your breasts to hold the backs of your thighs, Haechan's eyes move up your body to stare at your chest move beneath him, nipples looking sweet as candy. He’s dying to sink his fingers into the softest part of your stomach, the way you’re moving for him makes his mind turn to sand. You stare down to where his thumb is making circles over your clit, perfectly timed with the head of his cock bruising your g-spot. You feel a second orgasm build and the corner of his mouth pulls up proudly when your legs shake. Your head hangs back as you gasp for air, "yes, please, Haechan feels so fucking good."

"Make the prettiest noises for me, want you cumming all over my cock." he leans forward just enough to trap your throat beneath the weight of his palms, other hand still moving over your swollen clit. You smile at the pressure of his body on yours, eyes fluttering shut while you moan. You nod desperately when he asks if you can do that, "if you can let me make you feel that good, please, my pretty girl."

He takes his hand off your throat when you cum, wanting to hear every sound you could possibly make. You repeat his name like a blessing that has him cumming with you, moaning and breathless as his hips start to slow, milking you both through your orgasms.

You wrap your arms around him when he pulls out of you, reveling in the feeling of him when he lowers himself down, burrowing his face into your neck and warming your skin with his breath. You hold him there for a minute until he pulls his head up, dopey smile lighting up his eyes and making you laugh.

“What?” you scrunch your nose at him “better than your dreams?”

He nods, “so much better, best I ever had, my body belongs to you now.” he smirks at his own words, but his tone is so gentle he can’t even call it a joke.

“Just your body?” you tease, and he leans his nose onto your lips for a kiss that you carry onto the mole under his eye.

“Body, mind, heart, soul,” he sighs happily when you cup his cheeks in your hands, kissing him gently “all the planets in my head.”

"All the planets in my head too."

————

masterlist

authors note // this ended up being much longer than i anticipated, maybe the longest one shot i’ve ever actually written! i appreciate everyone who voted for happy ending because when i was originally thinking of a sad ending it was too hard lol. this feels forever unfinished because there is so much good to this version of haechan, i adore him.

[liliansun]

haechan as your bsf who has a crush on you 🫶

(pt 4)

[softsan]

˚ 🥀⊹ 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐋, 𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐇𝐈𝐌 𝐒𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐄. (𝐩𝐭.𝟒)

✉️ ・ 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭.

✉️ ・ ── 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬: | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 |

✉️ ・ ── 𝐦𝐚𝐟𝐢𝐚 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐬 | 𝐲/𝐧'𝐬 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬

✉️ ・ ── 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: Mafia AU, Angst, Kingpin!Taeyong, Queenpin!Y/N, Fem!Reader, Childhood friends, Betrayal, Enemies to lovers, Eventual Smut. ✉️ ・ ── 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧:  You were the only surviving heir of the old-time Mafia kingpin that had ruled the four territories. You were long thought to be dead, living the normal life you had always wanted...Until you run into a Taeyong, a formidable ghost from your past. You are then thrown back into the Mafia underbelly, reuniting with enemies you had hoped had forgotten you. Will you run away? Will you stand beside Taeyong, kingpin of the North, and be his queen? Or will you take your rightful revenge.

✉️ ・ ── 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Possessive Themes, Future Explicit Sexual Content, Murder, Kidnapping, Strangulation, Torture, Weapons, Graphic Violence, Heavy Angst, Explicit Language, Alcohol Consumption, Mentions of Drugs, Betrayal, Morally Grey Characters.

✉️ ・ ── 𝐨𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭.

Past.

A dream. This must all be a dream.

An older man sporting a beard took a seat beside your hospital bed. His forehead was creased, his knuckles white from holding onto the chair’s arms too tightly.

You let out a sudden gasp, your eyes bursting open. Your pupils beaded around the room in an attempt to establish your surroundings.

Where am I? Your cracked lips, slightly parting.

“Don’t try to speak,” The bearded man stood up immediately, “You're okay,” He reached for your bruised hand to offer you some comfort.  

You flinched, your face twisting with fright.

The bearded man hastily retracted his hand, the creases on his forehead increasing, “Please don’t be startled. We won’t hurt you.” He pointed to himself, and the young girl seated across from you, “I promise.”

You didn’t believe in promises. Not anymore. Nonetheless, you studied the young girl who was sitting cross-legged. She appeared to be a couple of years younger than you. She was softly humming, preoccupied with what looked like a miniature electrical motor. She had disassembled the metal parts and was bending and shaping the wires with a pair of eyebrow tweezers. The lack of attention she heeded towards you, made you feel a little better.

“Why don’t you introduce yourself, honey,” The bearded man told his daughter, noting your interest.

“Yebin,” She mumbled, sparing you a short glance.

“We were the ones that found you,” The bearded man continued, “We were the ones to bring you to the hospital," He gave a short pause, "Do you remember?”

You didn’t. You tried to shake your head from side to side, however, you were prevented by a searing pain that ran down your neck.

The barbed wire. Your weak wrist lifted your trembling hand, to the base of your neck. It was wrapped in bandages and supported by a brace.

“This isn’t a dream,” Your voice came out dry and coarse.

The man’s eyes lowered, and his brow knitted together.

“No this isn’t a dream, dear.” He eventually replied.

Your home. Your family.

Your eyes began to water, you closed them to stop the tears from falling down your cheeks.

Everything you had ever loved was now gone. 

Present.

His arm loosely rested over yours. He slept soundlessly beside you, his eyelashes brushing against his cheeks. You banished the urge to stroke down his nose.

His features were sharper, his cheekbones more pronounced than you remembered.

Taeyong’s phone vibrated from his shirt pocket. He grumbled, vexed to be awoken from his peaceful slumber. He yawned, slowly opening his eyes.

Your eyes locked onto his, his gaze softening at the sight of you.  

He bit down on the inside of his cheek to stop himself from smiling. He never imagined he would one day wake up to such a cherished sight.

“Your phone is ringing.” You finally commented, breaking the silence.

Taeyong sighed, digging for his phone, and placing it against his ear.

You watched his expression change. Something had gone very wrong.

“I’ll be there.” He gritted through his teeth.

Never in a million years would he foresee something like this occurring. He hung up the phone, gently untangling his limbs from yours.

“I have to go.” He said regrettably.

You had watched how Taeyong’s face had darkened, you were almost compelled to ask him what had happened. Thankfully, you didn’t have to wait too long to find out.  

“There’s an incident on the grounds, an intruder…” He mumbled, sitting upright, “I should be back soon.” He looked for his shoes.

What he had left out was that the intruder had been shot and was now bleeding out. Mark was now at the scene trying to calm a hysterical Haechan who had tried to shield the intruder from the firing guards.

He’s leaving? Your mind was spinning, it would be the first time in days since he’d left you alone. If you had any chance at an escape, it had to be now.

“Can I take a shower?” You quickly pipped, noticing how he had picked up the restraints he’d previously used to tie you up.

Taeyong paused, a hint of suspicion behind his gaze.

“Please,” You sat up, “I’ll just use your bathroom.” You pointed to the connecting ensuite.

“You won’t try anything stupid?”

“I won’t.” You battered your eyelashes.

“There are guards just outside your door.” He warned, “I’ve also installed bars on the windows and barricaded the balcony.”

You didn’t respond.  

He finally nodded, “There are some towels in the cupboard. I’ll be only gone for a little bit.”

He hesitantly left you, his face trained on you as he closed the door behind him.

You let out a sigh of relief, hopping off the bed immediately.

You cast around Taeyong’s room, double-checking the windows. Alas, Taeyong was right, he had indeed blocked off any possible exit. You began foraging on shelves and looking through drawers. You were searching for anything that could aid you, something that could at least offer you some kind of leverage.

You entered Taeyong's bathroom. It was spotless, from the polished marble tiles to the neatly organized toiletries. If you could perhaps get your hands on a weapon? Could you possibly get Taeyong in a vulnerable position and negotiate your freedom?

In desperation, your eyes circled the mirror. You inwardly groaned, disliking the idea that came to mind.

Nonetheless, you decided to follow through. You turned on the knob for the shower. Steam gushed into the air, as water droplets sprayed onto your arms. You hoped the running water would drown out the sound of what you planned to do next.  

You reached for a relatively full bottle of shampoo and a hand towel, wrapping the towel around your knuckles.

As hard as you can. You demanded yourself, smashing the shampoo bottle in the bottom corner of the bathroom’s mirror. Your hand protested, a striking hot jolt running down your wrists. Your hands were still in bad shape from your last failed getaway.

After some hard jabs, a crack lacerated up the mirror’s surface. You continued until you were able to snap off a jagged piece.

“I’ve done it.” You commented in disbelief, “I’ve actually done it.”

You looked back at the cracked mirror. A pair of dreadful eyes leering from behind you. Your blood ran cold.  

“Y/N” The stranger almost sang your name.

Past.

“What’s this old thing?” Johnny twirled around a raggedy handbook.

Johnny let out a squawk. Taeyong had not so graciously pushed Johnny off his stool, snatching back his book.

Johnny scrambled back to his feet, exchanging bewildered looks with their retrieval specialist Jaehyun.

“What’s inside?”

“None of your business.” Taeyong dusted the cover, carefully tucking it inside his suit jacket.

“Now I’m even more curious,” Johnny whined. “Let us have a look!”

Taeyong waved a hand to dismiss them both.

“Let’s go, he’s clearly not in the mood,” Jaehyun clapped his hand on Johnny’s shoulder, directing a protesting Johnny towards the door.  

Taeyong waited for the both of them to be out of sight before carefully bringing out the handbook again.

Y/N. Sadness reflected in his eyes as he traced where you had etched your name. This raggedy handbook had once belonged to you. You had used it almost as a scrapbook during the last summer of your life.

He flipped the first page, his lips curving into a crestfallen smile. It was all he had left of you. The years after your passing had been long and tiresome. He could feel the only good memories he possessed begin to fade with time and he feared he’d one day come to forget you.  

On the first page was a polaroid of you with a stray cat. One that had snuck over the back wall and into the gardens. You held the cat with a childlike delight as it nestled closer to your chest. You had named it Tyong—after him.

The next page was cut-outs from magazines, a bucket list of things you wanted to do, and places you wanted to go. He chuckled at the roughly cut image of a famous beach. You had always wanted to see that sea and sand. You had even made him promise that he’d one day take you to one and the two of you would build a sandcastle together.

Taeyong halted on the third page. His lip quivered.

It contained three polaroids of you and him.

The first one was of you poking his cheeks and encouraging him to smile for the camera. The second one was of his half-attempt at a smile, while you laughed at the awkwardness of his expression. The last one was of you and him, your arm around his shoulder and a grin on your face that reached your eyes.  

He brushed his finger over the final photograph of you.

He’d never admit how much he missed you.

Your smile.

Your laugh.

Everything about you...

There just wasn’t anyone else in this world that could be compared to you in his eyes.

Present.

“It’s really you.” The stranger grasped onto your arm. You tried to shake him off, but his birdlike grip only tightened, his fingernails digging into your skin.

“Who are you?” You desperately squirmed.

You felt the mirror burrow into your palm. You winced as the bandages began to stain red.

“You can call me Nait Sabes.” He crudely smirked, “I’m here to help you.”

“Help?” You questioned his absurdity, you didn’t believe it for a second.

The unfamiliar man was dressed in a wrinkled guard’s uniform. He sported a black, leather holster and set of keys which jangled when he moved.

Regardless of the uniform, he certainly wasn’t a guard. You had subtly observed Taeyong’s other guards over time. They were obedient. They were silent figures that lurked in the background. The man before you, however, projected prowess. He stood with confidence, one which was vain and self-assured.

“The precious daughter of the kingpin of the old, the true heir to the four territories.” You disliked the sing-song way he spoke.

“For a dead princess you’re not quite dead, are you?”

You caught the sadist glint behind his stare.

“You must be terribly disappointed,” You were surprised by your own boldness.

“Oh no,” The man tilted his head, smiling, “Things have finally gotten interesting.” He cruelly twisted your hand.

You held back a cry. The shade of mirror embedded deeper into your bandages.

“I see we want to escape.” He nudged his chin towards your hand, “But running from someone like Taeyong, now that would end horribly for you.”

“Let me go.” You helplessly ground your teeth.

“You know, you only really have two options.” His smile grew, exposing his yellow teeth. “Taeyong has hundreds of men at his disposal, do you really think he couldn’t overpower you?”

“What do you suggest then?” You barely managed to murmur.

“Forgive him for all he’s done and live happily ever after,” He gleamed, softening the hold on your hands “Well, at least for a while…”

“A while?”

He laughed, “He’ll grow tired of you and discard you like the rest.”

You lowered your gaze.

“Or you could make your late father proud.” He sang, “You could take your revenge. You can steal all of his riches and obtain all of his power. You could even break his heart as he did yours.”

You shook Nait’s hand off again, this time he let you go.

“I don’t want revenge,” You stated earnestly, “I just want my past to be my past.”

“Naïve, little Y/N.” Nait shook his head, “There’s no letting go of one's past.” He echoed. 

Taeyong hurriedly jogged up the staircase, taking the first left towards his bedroom at the end of the hall. An anxiousness was bubbling, a sickening sensation swirling in his stomach something must have gone horribly wrong. 

I shouldn’t have left her here alone. 

As he approached, he noticed the mutilated bodies of two guards. Their limbs were crushed by the blow of bullets, their wounds leaking a stream of scarlet over the Persian rug. One of the guards had been stripped of his uniform, and his holstered weapon was also stolen. Taeyong’s eyes bulged, sprinting. He furiously punched in the keycode from his bedroom, slamming open the door. 

His head moved frantically, side to side. You were nowhere to be seen. He went deeper noticing the bathroom door closed halfway. The color drained from his face, his chest pounding harder. 

He pushed back the door to be greeted by a scene of red. Blood stained the porcelain tiles, blood painted the basin, and splattered upward towards the cracked mirror.  You lay in the fetal position, your chest heaving for breath. 

Taeyong fell to the ground, scooping you up into his arms. Your skin was cold and clammy to the touch. Blood had mattered your hair, and the lesion from your temple continued to bleed profusely. 

“Y/N?” He called. “Y/N?” He cried, his voice breaking, his body rocking you back and forth.

His shaking hand reached for a towel, pressing it against your wound. He tried to apply pressure, but the towel quickly soaked up the gushing blood. His head rested by yours, whispering reassuring words against your chin. 

You’re going to be all right Y/N. You're going to be all right.

"Stay with me Y/N." He helplessly pled.

NETWORKS: -​

MONI’S NOTE: Here comes part 4 hehe from here on there will be more and more changes from my previous story. I hope you enjoy this new part. Please remember to reblog, like, & comment!

TAGLIST: @scuzmunkie, @tyongluvs, @blackswann-53098, @straykidsftnct, @justineasian, @jaehyunpeachyy, @advent-entertainment, @traint0tokyo, @saint-atlas

© softsan - all rights reserved. please do not repost on any social media sites, translate, or modify any of my works.

[lebrookestore]

sixteen | l.dh [part i]

Pairing: Lee Donghyuck x reader

Themes: strangers to lovers, highschool! au, coming of age, lovers to exes, exes to lovers to ??, producer! donghyuck (very lightly explored), roommates! au but with a twist, second chance romance, slowburn, angst, fluff, romance, PG 15. (moodboards: i | ii)

Warnings: profanity, heavy ANGST, kissing, food, underage alcohol consumption and alcohol consumption in general, drug use, smoking (vaping, cigarettes and weed consumptions), crude humour, teenagers doing dumb shit as teenagers do, cheating, betrayal.

Word count: 21.6k

Summary: Youth is always accompanied with a fragile glimmer of hope, with you and Donghyuck viewing the world through the rosiest of glasses. But as the ephemeral days of teenage foolishness bleed into the harshness of adulthood, the rosy hue begins to diminish, and you learn that for some people, it just isn’t meant to be.

Playlist: here 

Notes from brooke: hello hi, it's been literally over a year since i posted a full length fic so view this one as something of a peace offering for my inacitivity. it fully started out as a joke drabble concept i thought of out of the blue one day but as i always do, i got carried away and here we are with another angst monster 😭 i wanted to post it as a oneshot but tumblr is a bitch as usual, so here's part one. there were a lot of complications with this fic, but i'm extremely proud of how it turned out and it took a lot of hard work and time to get done so i'm really fucking nervous to put this out there lmao but i hope you guys like it and if so please leave some feedback!! (format of this fic is heavily inspired by forever, interrupted by taylor jenkins reid)

➳ read part ii here!!

prologue – then.

There was something enchanting about the boy with the headphones at the back of the class.

You didn’t think you had seen him before today, which was noteworthy considering your town's excruciatingly small geography. The students in your class were the same ones you had gone to preschool with, and you hadn’t seen a new face within the four yellowed walls of your classroom for all the sixteen years you had lived.

This begged the question - who was this foreign yet beguiling creature that took up one of the ever-sought-out back benches of the dull classroom you inhabited every day of the week? Moreover, you wondered how he had the audacity to have his listen to music while the class was in session.

“Miss L/n?”

Snapping your head back to the front, you bit the inside of your cheek to top yourself from visibly cringing at the shrill voice of your teacher, who was presently eyeing you with an extremely disapproving expression. Much to your displeasure, all eyes were on you within seconds of that unfortunate moment, making you wish you could sink further into the wooden seat you currently occupied.

“Yes?” The moment the word left your mouth, you regretted it. Faking ignorance had never been your strong point, and it wasn’t about to come through for you now.

“Would you like to tell me what you find so interesting at the back or answer the question I just asked?”

You desperately hoped no one could see the warmth infiltrating your cheeks as you shifted uncomfortably in your seat, shaking your head as solemnly as possible.

“Sorry Ma’am.”

The teacher shook her head in retirement, as if she was used to picking on you, and moved on to picking on another student, leaving you to slouch in your seat and let out a sigh of relief. You had always hated being the centre of attention, especially in embarrassing situations such as this one, and recovering from them gracefully– just like your non-existent nonchalance– wasn’t in your skillset either

You looked to your side at your classmate who delivered the answer with ease, looking frankly quite bored as she did so. It was the topper of the class– Eunsook– the girl that always seemed to be ahead of everyone else in every class possible. Her words blurred together as your eyes once again wandered to a certain stranger in the back.

Except for this time, he was looking right back at you.

This was somehow much worse than being put on the spot by your teacher, because this? This meant you had been caught on a much more personal level. 

And then, as if to make things even worse, the side of his mouth quirked upwards in acknowledgement of you, and he brought a hand up to your view, waving it a little in your direction.

Positively horrified, you immediately looked away and made a mental note to never glance in his direction ever again, deciding that pretending to be paying attention in class was a good enough cover-up. 

However, this proved to be quite the task, partly due to the fact that economics wasn’t the most exciting subject, and because his face had been imprinted in your mind, from the intensity of his stare to the slightest of smiles that danced on his lips while he looked at you as if you had amused him in some way.

Your teacher's frown deepened upon seeing the interaction and she cleared her throat, giving you a pointed look. 

Brilliant. 

“Mr Lee, please stand up.”

Oh thank god, it wasn’t you this time. Maybe you had just been imagining her looking at you.

You heard the scraping of the chair legs against the wooden floors and glanced over in its direction, only to realise that it was him she had been called upon.

Well. At least this time you had a good reason to be staring.

It gave you the opportunity to truly take him in all at once, rather than in the pathetic little increments you had to previously resort to throughout the class, sneaking a peek here and there. You studied the boy– dark brown hair that fell into his eyes, which currently wore a look of mild annoyance, striking features etched into his honeyed skin and–

Oh.

He was really cute. 

“Would you care to explain why you were distracting Miss L/n?”

Fuck. You had been naive to think that you would have been let off the hook so easily, especially by this particular teacher. If you had caught her attention for the wrong reason even once, you would be the one she put on the spot for the rest of the class, and this time you had the displeasure of being her guinea pig. The worst part about it was that it was absolutely your fault.

Once again, his line of sight travelled to you, before flickering back up at the oh-so-despised teacher and shaking his head.

“It won’t happen again.”

His voice cut through the expectant silence of class and right through you, deep and with a certain patronising lilt to it. It was a stupid thought, but you thought that it suited him perfectly. A pretty voice to compliment a pretty face. 

“It better not,” the teacher warned sternly. “Since the opportunity has so conveniently arisen for us, I will now introduce you to the rest. Students, this is Donghyuck, and he’s new to the class.”

A pregnant pause hung in the air for a moment before she motioned for him to sit back down. 

Just as she was about to resume her teaching, the bell rang and saved you from any further humiliation. The rustle of books closing and backpacks being unzipped carried through the room, and you joined in, collecting your things and getting to your feet in preparation to leave. 

The light patter of footsteps closened in, followed by a voice. “Hey.”

You looked up from arranging your books, fingers digging into the material of your bag when you realised it was him who had approached you in all his glory– this time up close. It also gave you the opportunity to take note of his outfit, a graphic shirt lazily tucked into jeans, and although it was nothing special, somehow the air he held made it seem a lot more special than it was.

Like something about him made the ordinary feel extraordinary.

“Hello,” You managed to get out, putting a hold on that thought as you met his gaze for the third time. Immediately you regretted not having cleared your throat first, despising the hoarse undertone that accompanied the singular word you had uttered. You had hoped that your second impression would surpass the first, that being extremely unfavourable, but it seemed like the world was not on your side when it came to this boy.

This new, mysterious boy you had no right to be so oddly fixated on. A smile painted itself upon his mouth as he did a once over of you, causing you to feel as if the pale blue shirt you had worn that day was much too hot under the collar, and you had to resist the urge to reach up and unbutton the top to cool yourself down. You wished you could tie your hair up among other things, and tucked your hands behind your back, playing with the hair tie you always kept on your right wrist nervously, expelling some of that anxious energy that had invaded your body while keeping him in the dark about it.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Donghyuck.”  His name sounded infinitely better when he pronounced it, its two syllables ringing in your ears. Nodding carelessly, you lifted your backpack off from the table and slung one strap over your shoulder.

“I heard.”

That answer earned you an expectant raise of his eyebrow.

Right. It seemed that the manners your mother had drilled into your very psyche had finally come to fruition as you realised he was waiting for you to introduce yourself back.

“I’m Y/n.” Your fingernails dug into the strap of your bag, the sweat accumulating in the palm of your hand brushing off against it. This position was one you had never been in before, nerves all over the place over an attractive stranger, but his unabashedness had unnerved you immensely, leaving you with no choice but to grasp for your words. “It’s…nice to meet you too.”

If the option of the ground opening up beneath your feet and swallowing you whole was available, you would have taken it without any hesitation. You detested the awkward pause you had inserted in the middle of your statement, it made you sound flighty and moronic, as if you couldn’t put together basic conversation phrases.

He didn’t seem to mind though, the slightest twitch of his lips being the only indication that he had noticed your scatterbrained state– an indication you had missed on your end. 

“I’ll see you around.”

And just like that, he sauntered off. You watched as his figure retreated through the doorway as you stood there, dumbfounded at the nature of the interaction. More importantly, a singular question lingered in your mind, the question of how he had managed to get away with using his headphones in class.

It would go unanswered.

i] now.

There was something so distinctly you about the woman that sat across Donghyuck.

He focused on the different items displayed on the menu he held in front of him, refraining from glancing at the woman for the third time in thirty seconds. He was supposed to have chosen what he wanted to order a solid five minutes ago, but his composure had been completely thrown off and decision fatigue was quickly setting in.

“I’ll have the steak.”

Her name was Kim Yeonmi, twenty-four in age just like him and very pretty. An elegant dark blue dress donned her figure, her dark, wispy hair tied up into a bun with a few strands of hair let loose at the sides to effectively frame her face. Perhaps it was a little too much to have a first date at a fancy restaurant such as this, with its ostentatious ambience, but he wasn’t too sure of how dating worked at all. 

There was just one person he had experience with.

She looked like she was enjoying the extravagance though, bobbing her head to his choice as she gave the menu another once over. “Just give me another minute.”

He smiled politely. “Take as much time as you need.”

She looked nothing like you, but the way she muttered the names of each dish back to herself under her breath had thrown him back in time, reminding him of how you used to do the very same. 

“It makes it easier to choose when I say them out loud”, you had explained one day to him. “The one that sounds better is the one you pick.”

A foolproof strategy according to you, one you defended with all your might no matter how many times he teased you about it being ridiculous. He recalled the way you’d glare at him, hands resting low on your hips and an exasperated look on your face, the one he had grown so fond of. It was something he’d tease you about, how he loved the pissed-off look you’d give him even though he was the culprit for its showing pretty much every time. 

He missed the dish Yeonmi finally settled on, snapped out of his thoughts and nodded, gesturing the waiter over to place the order. When it came to her order, he let her speak for herself, a good save.

He had to get his act together. 

“So,” he began, leaning back a little in his seat in an attempt to relax. “What do you do, Yeonmi?”

The woman took a sip of the wine that they had previously ordered before answering, “I work in finance.”

The information barely latched into his memory, an absent-minded nod from his end to make it look like he was genuinely listening. Like he wasn’t observing the delicate messiness of her hairdo– messiness that was clearly intentional, done for the illusion of being effortless. It reminded him of how your hair always seemed to be half out of your ponytail, but it shouldn’t have, because that had never been intentional. 

Donghyuck didn’t like the way your memory haunted him so insistently at such an inconvenient time, and he didn’t understand why it did either.

“I’m a music producer,” he informed her, a simper making a show on his face at the mention of his occupation. It was a thing of pride for him, the amount of work he had put in to say those words in the same sentence as the word ‘successful’ was astronomical, but it had all been worth it in the end. Music had been his life's blood ever since he was a child and the fact that he now was able to work with it every day and it was the reason he could take care of his mother meant the world to him. 

New York baby, it made dreams flicker to life. The move he made at merely eighteen had been the best decision he had ever made.

It hadn’t come without its sacrifices though. After all, no risk, no reward.

The food arrived, piping hot and delicious enough to act as an excuse for his distant demeanour. He was present enough to make light conversation, doing his best to store all the little bits of information about Yeonmi in the back of his mind on the off chance of this first date turning into a few more. 

And maybe, hopefully, he’d be less of an ass about them. Maybe this could go somewhere.

The two walked out of the restaurant, Donghyuck holding the door open for her while she exited. A light pattering of pink dusted the woman's cheeks at his consistent shows of gentlemanliness, but it went wholly unnoticed by him, who refused to let her catch a cab from the busy streets of the city, and insisted he drop her back to her place of residence.

How could one not fall for Lee Donghyuck when he was just so charming even when he didn’t intend to be?

Pop songs played at a low volume through the radio, the typical ones that played on a Friday evening to make the daily evening commute a little easier for those coming back from their workplaces, but heightened by the fact that the weekend was at large. The ride was a pleasant one, the music allowing the silences in conversation to be comfortable. Yeonmi snuck a shy glance at Donghyuck through the rearview mirror, noticing the way his long eyelashes framed his eyes that were focused on the road before them. 

His fingers drummed on the steering wheel rhythmically, humming along the song that played as Yeonmi spoke about how she had been obsessed with that very one a few weeks ago. She seemed to be infinitely better at traversing the treacherous waters of conversation, seemingly not even noticing how withdrawn he seemed to be. 

Her chattering also reminded him of you, though a little less interesting. It was a tad comical, how he had the audacity to compare every little thing about her to the one person he had pushed away. 

“That’s my apartment complex.”

He parked the car and got out of it, circled the vehicle to get on her side, and opened the door for her, causing a pleased smile to appear on Yeonmi’s face. Then, he walked her up to the lobby of the building, exchanging pleasantries and goodbyes with a muttering of a hopeful ‘see you again’ thrown into the mix for good measure. 

And with that, she was gone, and Donghyuck was alone once again. The sky was a dark blue, splattered with a few glimmering stars amidst its midnight canvas, the moon hiding behind the misty clouds. He slipped his hands into the pockets of his trousers and let out a sigh he didn’t know he had been holding in, shutting his eyes and counting slowly to ten.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight.

It had been eight years.

Eight years since he had let go of you, opened the palm of his hand and watched as yours slipped right through his fingers. Sometimes, he could still feel the ghost of your skin linger on his fingertips. 

Eight years was a hell of a lot of time, and time was said to heal all wounds. Time should have let him focus on his date instead of thinking of you and the little habits you had that had burned themselves into his memory. 

Time was a fucking liar. 

It was pathetic really. He had managed to not think of you for six of those years, save for the occasional moments when he had had one too many drinks and the alcohol had scrounged up cherished moments of the two of you from the vault of his mind. 

But he was completely and utterly sober right now, almost too sober, he thought, for the wine he had consumed earlier hadn’t done much at all. The cold air nipped at the exposed skin of his face and face, grounding him to reality with its sudden harshness, another reminder that too much time had passed for him to be doing this. He had let go of the right to do so. 

And yet, he found himself thinking of the only girl he had ever loved that windy Friday eve, her smiling face washed into the indigo skies.

The scent of a corporate office clung to your clothes, carrying itself with you as you inserted your keys into the lock of your door, twisted them, and pushed them open to reveal the solace of your apartment. You entered, slipped off your shoes and trudged into the living room where you flopped down on your couch, letting your muscles fully relax for the first time in eight hours. 

“Y/n? Are you home?”

Lifting your head limply, you let your eyelids flutter open to peek over the backrest of the sofa, only to be met with your roommate standing there in the doorway of the kitchen, a smile seemingly stuck onto her made-up face. “Oh, it is you! How was work?”

You gave yourself a second to admire her handiwork from where you were sat (read: sprawled out), wishing you had the ability to do a perfect winged liner as she could. 

“Tiring,” you complained with a sigh, feeling as if your bones were going to disintegrate into dust any moment.

She tutted sympathetically, retreating back into the kitchen. You heard the water running for a few seconds, and then she emerged again, walking over to you and handing you a glass of water. “Poor thing.”

Kim Yeonmi had been your roommate for the last two years, ever since a mutual friend of yours put the two of you in contact when you had been searching for accommodation after college that fits your budget. She was a warm person, sweet and helpful whenever she could be, and the two of you had hit it off from the moment you moved in, the arrangement blossoming into a fruitful friendship for the both of you. 

“Bless you,” you took a sip of the water, straightening up your position to give her space beside you. She had even remembered to add a few ice cubes, the cool liquid revived your tired senses and cleared your mind. 

She sat down, tucking her legs under herself as she reached out her hand, resting it on the top of your head and rubbing it comfortingly. You leaned into her touch, closed your eyes and savoured the quiet moment of solitude– the first one you have had today.

Then you opened your eyes and turned to her.

“So how was it?”

A bashful smile decorates her crimson-painted lips as she averted her gaze from you in an attempt to hide the flush that was quickly making itself known on her face. She cleared her throat, answering in the most casual and non-committal way she could. “Good.”

You snickered at her response to your simple question, “Seems like it was more than just ‘good’.”

“Well….”

Yeonmi sighed, leaning back into the cushions properly as she got comfortable and thats how you knew you had her. 

“Come on, give me the details!” You disregarded your fatigue, slapping her arm playfully to convince her to spill. She laughed at your eagerness, a laugh that was laced with girlish merriment, and rubbed the back of her neck, the smile on her face not slipping from its place even once. 

“It was amazing,” she confessed, much to your delight. “God, I don’t think I’ve ever had such a great date.”

You had witnessed her stressing over this date of hers since yesterday and had caught glimpses of her nerves this morning before you left for work. To help ease those nerves, you had helped pick out her outfit, made sure to respond to every one of her manic texts to you between work and called her back during your break. You were overjoyed that it had gone well for her.

This was the first date she had gone on in an entire year after her last relationship had come to an end. It was a messy breakup, leaving you with an extremely shaken Yeonmi who, in her grief, had vowed to never love someone again. Thankfully, that phase was one she got over quickly, and you were proud of how she had managed to heal and put herself out there once again.

God knows you had tried and failed.

She began describing her evening, starting with how her extremely charming date had already been waiting at the restaurant they had agreed upon. She had met this man on a dating app- the name of which she refused to tell you unless it turned out to be more than just a dead end, and after a few weeks of talking, they had finally decided to go on a date, something she had been anticipating for a while now. You listened, squealing and giggling along with her at the appropriate times to reciprocate her evident excitement. 

“And you know what was so cute?” She continued, talking a little faster now that she had warmed up and was in the thick of describing the date. “He seemed a little distracted like he was just as nervous as I was about the entire thing, and that just put me to ease, you know? A suave guy is nice and all, and don’t get me wrong, he was confident, but that slight nervousness showed me that he liked me as well.” 

Her gushing was endearing, and you nodded with a smile. “He sounds perfect.”

“Oh he’s an absolute dreamboat Y/n, seriously, I don’t know where or how I managed to stumble upon him, but I must have done something good in my past life to deserve this.”

You placed your now empty glass on the little table next to the couch, settling in closer to her. “You always do good, you had this good karma coming.”

“Oh I forgot to tell you the best part,” She looked at you with a serious look on her face, but her eyes were practically twinkling. “He likes Taylor Swift. He was singing along to her songs when he dropped me home.”

Your jaw dropped. “Now I know he really is perfect.” You grinned, the expression quickly morphing into a yawn as your exhaustion finally caught up to you again, and in good timing, considering she had finished talking about her date. She looked over at the clock and then back at you. 

“You should go to bed, you’ve had a long day.”

You wholeheartedly agreed with this suggestion, stood up on your feet and stretched your arms out above your head. “Yeah, I think I’m gonna call it a night here.” Picking up your bag that had been strewn out across the floor, you walked to the doorway that led to your room, before turning around and facing her once again. 

“Hey, one last thing.”

She gazed up at you in the midst of removing her earrings and hummed in acknowledgement, “Hmm?”

“What’s his name?”

“Huh?”

“You never told me his name,” You shook your head in amusement. “I think you were too caught up in all your excitement.” For the past half an hour, she had just been referring to him in only pronouns, something you had just realised. 

“Oh,” her lips formed an ‘o’ shape in surprise at herself. “Donghyuck. His name is Lee Donghyuck.”

And just like that, your entire world fell apart.

It's funny how a simple name can knock the air out of your lungs.

That was an understatement. That name– his name– was anything but simple. The three syllables that constituted it stood for so much, things said and left unsaid, buried in the grave of your mind.

The unadulterated shock you felt at the name she uttered caused your already aching legs to feel even more unstable than they did, and your knees nearly gave out underneath you. You steadied yourself by leaning against the doorframe, a shaky breath escaping your lips as an emotion that you hadn’t felt so strongly in a very long time ripped through you. 

Despair.

No. No, it couldn’t be–

For a moment, you could almost see his eyes looking at you, one moment with such affection and the next with more sorrow than you could ever begin to describe. I’m sorry.

“Y/n?”

You gripped the doorframe, feeling as if the rug had been swept from right under your feet, and focused your eyes on Yeonmi on the couch, who was now staring at you in concern. “Are you okay?”

How many times had you lied while answering this question when it came to him? You had lost count, so there wouldn’t be any harm in doing it once more. Sucking in a harsh gulp of air that hit the back of your throat, you forced a smile. “Yep. Goodnight.”

You choked out the words, spun on your heel and stumbled to your door, grabbing and twisting the doorknob in haste, your entire body weight leaning on the door as it swung open. Practically tripping over your own feet, you shut it quickly, both hands fastened to the knob as you rested your forehead against the door, using it as support for your body that suddenly seemed several pounds heavier.

It had been eight years since you had heard another person say his name, the sound of it cutting through reality itself, digging into your skin and latching onto it. Perhaps that was the cause of excess weight that seemed to drag you down at the very moment. 

Fuck.

You took a minute to wonder what God was sitting above and laughing at your sorry state.

Using the door behind your back as a guide, you slid down to the ground, pulling your knees closer to your chest and interlocking your fingers in front of them, forming your very own cocoon. You pathetically hoped that it would shield you from the torrent of your own emotions.

Rationally speaking, this was most definitely a coincidence. You were sure that there were several people around the world with the first name ‘Donghyuck’ and last name ‘Lee’ – after all, it was a pretty common last name to have. The chances of this guy, Yeonmi’s perfect dreamy date being your Donghyuck were extremely improbable.

Your Donghyuck. You almost laughed bitterly. He hadn’t been your Donghyuck for a long, long time. 

You didn’t know if he had ever truly been yours to begin with. 

I’m so sorry, Y/n.

You closed your eyes and tried to steady your breathing, only to snap them open immediately when the image of his eyes once again rippled through the forefront of your mind.

This was ridiculous, you knew, the extremity of your reaction was wholly uncalled for. It had been eight years and one would think you would have been better at controlling your emotions, especially when it came to something, someone, that was so heavily stuck in the past.

It turned out that you were also stuck in the past. The way your legs resembled those of a newborn giraffe a few minutes ago was enough proof of that.

A groan escaped you, one that was a mix of frustration and distress. You couldn’t quite place the new ache that had emerged in your chest, a dull throb that felt icy cold, yet strangely familiar. You reasoned with yourself, your thoughts waging a silent war among each other as you laid out all the reasons why it couldn’t and wouldn’t be the man that lingered in your life like a poltergeist you didn’t have the energy to exercise. 

You could hear the soft padding of Yeonmi's footsteps outside your door as she made her way to her own room and the soft click of her lock as she retired for the night. Slowly, you let yourself relax and mentally gather all the strength you possessed right then to pick yourself up from the ground and carry yourself to your bed, the usually short walk feeling like a thousand steps away. The soft cotton sheets welcomed your weary body, alleviating the weight that currently sat upon your shoulders and providing you with some temporary relief.

It was late, and it never did anyone any good to think about things beyond their control in the intimidating silence of the night. Letting your eyes close for real this time, you turned onto your side and tried to quiet your mind.

But there was still a small part of you that thought back to then.

ii] then.

He liked cookies-and-cream flavoured ice cream.

You gripped the complimentary wooden spoon that came with the cup of ice cream you bought from the convenience store, staring at the slightly melted ice cream that you held with your other hand. Donghyuck was just about done with his, a triumphant smile creeping up on his face every time he glanced at you.

“I told you.”

“Don’t gloat.”

“But your reactions are so cute,” he teased, taking another spoonful of his ice cream. Your biology class had a pop quiz that day, and Donghyuck had tried to help you with an answer you weren’t too sure about. However, his answer sounded even more incorrect than yours, and he made you promise to buy him ice cream if he ended up being correct. “I told you the right answer but no, you insisted you were right and lost the mark.”

The compliment stung a little, or perhaps that was just the summer heat prickling the back of your neck.

“I’m not affected by that,” you huffed, “I’m wondering why you chose such cheap ice cream of all the ones you could have. We just got it and mine’s already melting.”

He shrugged. “It’s not the ice cream that matters, just the fact that you had to buy it for me to symbolise me being right.”

“But there's a Häagen-Dazs right down the street. Sakura and Chenle would have immediately made me buy them that.” Your protests and comparisons seemed to fall on deaf ears as he continued to enjoy his ice cream soup, leaving you to roll your eyes at his flippancy. 

“I don’t want to run you dry, now do I?” That surprised you, and it was apparent to him by the bewildered look in your now-wide eyes. Whenever you offered to pay for your other friends, they always jumped at the chance to exploit you to the best of their abilities, taking full advantage of the opportunity.

There truly wasn’t anyone like Lee Donghyuck. 

You weren’t quite sure how the friendship between the two of you had blossomed, for it had been such a natural thing that it completely slipped you by. The occasional hello turned into walking in the hallways to classes together, texting each other and hanging out after school while eating cheap ice cream. It was just so easy with him, activities you would find boring with others were enjoyable in his presence.

It was unfathomable, how everything about him was so captivating. He carried himself with an effortless aura, as if unaware of how magnetic and goddamn beautiful he was because he truly was one of the most stunning people you had ever set your eyes upon in your short life. Oftentimes, you would catch yourself just admiring the gentle slope of his nose and rise of his cheekbones, and how his hair fell so perfectly. 

And how could you forget his eyes, ones that you had the privilege of being under the gaze of, more so than others? His eyes were your favourite part of him, they left you mesmerised with their fiery intensity and simultaneous gentleness. 

“Your ice cream has completely melted,” he pointed out, nudging your side lightly with his elbow, effectively snapping you out of your self-induced reverie. You looked at your cup, the realisation that you had been aimlessly stirring its contents hitting you.

“Oh.”

“What were you daydreaming about now?” He asked, mirth lacing his voice as he looked on at you affectionately. Over the past few weeks that he had been growing closer to you in, he had started picking up on your little habits.

You bit the inside of your cheek, “Nothing.”

“If you’re going to lie, at least make it believable,” he cocked an eyebrow. “You were staring at me weirdly.”

Warmth flooded your cheeks, you had been caught due to your carelessness, and yet you couldn’t help but feel a little offended at his choice of words. “Weirdly?”

The edge to your voice gave away how you felt at that moment, and alarmed, Donghyuck shook his head, tossing the empty plastic cup in the recycle bin next to him. “No– well yes– but not in a bad way! Good weird.” In truth, he liked taking up your attention, he would sit forever to dissect the flecks of gold that appeared in your eyes when the sun's rays fell into them, and the lingering emotion he couldn’t quite explain.

“Good weird,” you repeated softly, looking away from him and letting that sink in. The apples of his cheeks were a light rosy shade now as he fidgeted, hoping he had successfully mitigated any possible insult he had accidentally bestowed upon you. He truly hadn’t meant to, there wasn’t an ounce of weirdness about the situation in the slightest, except for the muddled feeling that settled in the pit of his stomach when you looked at him like that.

“You’re the weird one,” you deadpanned finally, and he shrugged in resignment, plucking the cup out of your hands, much to your displeasure, “Hey, I’m not done–”

“There’s no point in finishing this, it’s not ice cream anymore.”

It landed next to his cookies-and-cream cup in the bin, his matter-of-fact words flying into the wind. You didn’t bother arguing, letting your hands fall limply to your sides as you looked at him again, noting how the orange glow of the sky crept through the strands of his hair, framing his head like he was a saint of some sort. 

“I’ll walk you home,” he stated, taking a few steps before stopping and turning around, waiting for you to join him. He was dependable and someone to trust, you thought briefly, biting back a smile at him. Donghyuck pushed down the fluster that was creeping up on him again.

The sunset over your little town, painting the sky in more brilliant colours as the two of you walked underneath it, knuckles silently brushing against each other as it faded to black.

Donghyuck walked into his house, a Taylor Swift song playing through the headphones that he currently had on. While he had been walking you home, the two of you had engaged in a lively conversation about the different musical artists you each enjoyed, which eventually spiralled into an entire monologue on your end about why you loved the aforementioned singer so much. He found the way you spoke so animatedly, your voice brimming with passion and insistence, extremely adorable, and clearly, you had excellent convincing abilities because there he was, listening to her.

He slipped off his shoes, placed them by the door and sighed. The hallway of his new house felt nothing like a home, but the feeling of unfamiliarity that came with it was all too customary for him. 

“Donghyuck?”

His mother's lilting voice reached his ears from where she was, and he followed it. “I’m home.”

“Oh good, good,” she came into view as he made his way into the kitchen, slipping the headphones around his neck and opening a cupboard to get himself a glass. “I was thinking we could watch a movie today. I don’t have any work right now.” 

He poured himself some water, thinking over her offer. He knew her intentions were good, she just wanted to spend time with her son and his answer should have been a yes, but he shook his head anyway. “I have a lot of homework to finish.”

“Oh.” She tried her best to disguise the disappointment that laced her voice for his sake, but he could hear it as clear as day. “Alright, I’ll call you when dinner is ready.”

He nodded, finished his water and walked upstairs to his room, taking two steps at a time to reach there as quickly as possible. Pushing the door open, he reached a hand out to the switchboard and then hesitated.

Donghyuck didn’t know which switches corresponded with anything. 

For some people, this was an inconvenience at best, but for him, it was a sentiment he was unfortunately very used to. A painful reminder of the unpredictability his life had always possessed. In his last house, he had just about figured out the pattern of which switches were for specific items, but now he was once again left feeling stranded.

And he couldn’t help but blame his mother for it. 

It was the same cycle playing out before him again, the move and the new town, the new faces that he knew would probably not mean much to him in a year when he found himself in a new place, thinking about how he wished that just once, he would be allowed to enjoy the trivial luxury of knowing the switches well enough.

One would think he’d be used to all the moving, but then again, he was just a teenager. 

He also knew it wasn’t truly his mother’s fault – she was simply doing what she needed to in order to support the both of them and being a single mother was no doubt hard on her – but Donghyuck was only sixteen. It was much easier to criticise and resent her than to try and understand for what seemed like the hundredth time. He had been so understanding for so long, that now even the concept of trying to be sympathetic sounded exhausting. 

Every year he’d walk through life without caring much for anyone he came across. Friendships didn’t mean anything to him for they were so fleeting, and the people who promised to stay in contact with him would stop calling and texting within two weeks of him moving. He had realised that letting himself get attached to someone was a waste of time and energy he didn’t have anymore, and had slowly taught himself to isolate himself so that every move didn’t hurt as much.

So why was it that for the first time in what felt like a long time, he felt a pinch in his heart when he thought about moving again?

And why was it your face flickering through his mind that seemed to cause it? 

In complete and unadulterated truth, he had never felt such a pull towards someone as he did to you. It had always been so easy for him to keep people at a distance, but with you, he forgot about having to do that. If anything, he wanted to keep you as close as possible. You were something he hadn’t accounted for.

He flicked the first switch on. The fan whirred to life.

Donghyuck would learn the pattern soon enough. 

iii] now.

The days passed quickly as they usually did, you pushed any lingering doubts about the man Yeonmi was dating to the far periphery of your mind, burying yourself in your work. You were working towards a promotion you had had your eye on for a while now, and it was more important than anything else. 

But it was hard not to notice the little things that had changed about Yeonmi, the way she smiled more and how you’d often catch her hiding a grin when she glanced at her phone. It was difficult to ignore how she’d dress up and go on her dates, especially when she so often asked for your opinion and help, and you were forced to swallow your pride and assist her.

You were being idiotic, you knew, which was why you reminded yourself that this could not have been the boy you once knew. 

You sighed, shutting your laptop and placing your hands on the edge of your desk, pushing yourself to your feet and stretching. It was technically your day off, but you were still swarmed with online meetings and a few dozen emails that you had to send out. Letting your hands fall, you pulled at the hair tie around your wrist and gathered your hair into a ponytail, walking away from your home desk and walking to your bed.  

It was getting pretty late and Yeonmi still wasn’t home. From what you knew, she had gone to a dinner party her date had invited her to, and she had warned you she would be late and to not stay up, but it was in your genes to worry. You wouldn’t get sleep until you knew she was safe and at home in one piece anyway. 

But you supposed shutting your eyes for a few minutes wouldn’t hurt anyone.

Just as you were about to slip into a slumber, you heard the faintest clicking of the door to your apartment, and along with the unmistakable peal of Yeonmi’s laughter, it woke you up. Blinking rapidly, you forced yourself to leave the comfort of your linen sheets and get to your feet, rubbing your eyes in order to wake yourself up a little bit and grabbing the robe you hung behind your door to combat the slight chill that the midnight air possessed before making your way to the living room. 

You flicked the switch on as you walked into the room, squinting in discomfort at the sudden shift of lighting, lips parting in surprise.

There at the doorway stood an extremely giggly Yeonmi, the smile on her face looking like it had been tattooed on her lips, an arm placed against the wall to make sure she didn’t fall over, the other stuck in an attempt to take off one of her heels. When she failed and almost stumbled, another giggle left her, apparently unaware of the fact she was about to fall over.

Alarm rang through you as you took a panicked step forward, instinctively reaching out to try and catch her even though you weren’t close enough to do so. “Yeon-”

“I got you”

You froze as an arm slipped around her waist, pulling her back to her previous position and steadying her, and while you were glad your roommate’s fate of faceplanting into the wooden flooring had been thwarted, it was the last thing on your mind.

The first was that voice.

You knew it like the back of your hand, and no matter long it had been, you would never forget it. Even if it had changed a little, a little deeper than it used to sound eight years ago, unfamiliar with the amount of time that had passed and yet so recognizable for you.

Faltering, you slowly shifted your line of sight up to catch a glimpse of the person, only for him to do the exact same thing, presumably as a response to you saying your roommate's name and it was like everything around you had paused just for this moment.

You knew those eyes.

Eyes that were currently filled with swirls of confusion and surprise, only to rapidly thaw into a horrified look of realisation, his arm around another girl that just happened to have been the very one you had to face every morning.

The world truly did have a cruel sense of humour. You stared back at him, unable to tear your vision away from him no matter what you did.

Lee Donghyuck, in the flesh after eight long years.

It was almost unsettling, how he looked the exact same he used to. Of course, there were differences, but they were all superficial in nature. His hair was cut slightly differently, no longer in the neater hairstyle he had kept as a teenager but a little longer at the back. He was wearing clothes you had never seen before, but that was to be expected, and he had his arm around someone that was decidedly not you.

But other than that, it was him. Those stupid, splendid eyes of his, those very features that had been burned into your memory and had stubbornly refused to leave no matter how hard you tried to evict them.

It felt as if someone was standing right on your chest, relentless in their approach and crushing your lungs, every pint of air inside it being zapped out as if it was never needed there in the first place.  You briefly entertained the idea of walking back into your room and staying there for the next ten years.

“Y/n!”

The spell cast upon the two of you had successfully been broken by your intoxicated roommate, who, in her state, had absolutely no perception of social cues at the moment, and certainly not of the thick tension that had descended upon your living room.  She broke out of his grasp, stumbling towards you without even a semblance of grace and threw her arms around your neck in a death grip of a hug, only succeeding in contributing towards your current breathing problems.

Taken aback by her rather abrupt display of affection, you awkwardly pat her back a couple of times, managing to choke out the words, “Thats me.” Your attempt at adding a jovial lilt to your voice royally failed because the only thing on your mind was something rather embarrassing.

It was how absolutely terrible you probably looked right then.

It was silly no doubt, for you to be pondering your appearance at that specific point in time. If you were morally a better person, perhaps you would have been thinking about how you were relieved that Yeonmi was safe, but the only thing you could think of was the fact that your hair most definitely looked like a nest and that you were dressed in a ratty old sweatshirt that you had owned since your freshman year of college and pyjama pants.

They had peppa pig on them. If not for the fact that they were the most comfortable thing you owned, you would have burned them after this.

“Oh, right,” she giggled when she pulled away and saw your eyes trained on the man she had brought with her, hands on your shoulders to make sure she didn’t fall, “This is Donghyuck!” 

You glanced at her and then back at him, trying desperately to swallow the lump in your throat. “Right.”

Right? You mentally cussed yourself out for that lacklustre response and cleared your throat in order to save yourself. “Nice to meet you.”

Maybe he didn’t realise you caught the split second of confusion that passed through his eyes, but you had, catching yourself before you winced out of mild guilt for putting him in such a difficult position. Nevertheless, he played along like he was in on the plan all along, straightening up and responding.

“It’s nice to meet you too.”

Two strangers by choice met again that night, heartstrings that had once been intertwined and subsequently torn apart to die out, reviving with just a simple glance and a few words. He looked at you and you looked at him, forgetting for a moment that the girl standing between the two of you was the biggest obstacle of them all.

And for just a moment there, you were sixteen.

Donghyuck left a few minutes later, once awkward goodbye’s had been exchanged and Yeonmi was safely in your care, sipping on a large glass of water in her bed. 

Being around him again, even if it had only been for a few meagre minutes, had completely shattered your self-composure. Your heart was beating too quickly, your adrenaline was on an all-time high and your ability to be discreet had evaded you entirely, resulting in times when you caught yourself looking at him a beat too long.

He seemed to be having the exact opposite reaction, barely even looking at you after the initial shock of it being you standing there wore off. His eyes seemed to be glued to your tipsy roommate, talking to her in a gentle tone as he bid her farewell and promised to message her the next day. 

The fact that he seemed so normal infuriated you a little bit. It shouldn’t have, you knew that very well, but you simply couldn’t understand how you were a certified mess while he seemed to be so composed, acting as if you weren’t even there. It was wholly childish to expect him to be stuck on you, but then again, you had suffered that very fate, so why couldn’t have he?

And so there you were, sitting on the edge of Yeonmi’s bed, wide awake as you watched her finish her water, just barely making out the emotion that had resurfaced within you- the green-eyed monster responsible for your churning stomach with every look at your friend.

Why?

Because the way he had taken care of her tonight was all too reminiscent of how he used to do the same for you.

“What do you think of him?”

Her words were only slightly slurred now, and you blinked, registering her question. She stared at you expectantly, eagerly awaiting your judgement over her date. 

“He’s nice.”

She frowned. “That’s it? Nice?”

You shut your eyes, desperately wishing you could skip over this question somehow, but when you opened them she was evidently still waiting for you to finish. You breathed in.

Now, what did you think of Lee Donghyuck?

You had thought Donghyuck was the most wonderful person you had ever met when you were a teenager, the one person who everything seemed so natural with. He was someone you thought was home, a best friend and a lover all rolled into one. But he had eyes that tortured you, a past interlaced so intricately with yours that lingered to this very day and connections to someone unbearably close to you in the present. 

Yeonmi placed her glass on her bedside table and sighed contentedly. “I really like him, Y/n.” 

You hadn’t heard her say something like that about a guy since her last relationship, and she had the same simper on her face that she did back then too. There was no way you could bring yourself to even think about attempting to ruin that.

You breathed out.

“I think he’s great,” you started, fingers curling around her cotton bedsheets and squeezing, doing your utmost best to keep your voice level. “He was really good with you tonight.”

The bitter irony of it all hit you, how the guy that let Yeonmi finally move on was the very same that made it impossible for you to do so. Her smile widened while your stomach grew heavier, dragging you down as you walked to your own room later that night, your dreams tainted with images of a boy you once loved and a stranger who looked the same.

iv] then.

Being sick did not suit you.

To say that you were miserable was an understatement. If one had to accurately describe what the situation felt like to you, they would have to include a bit about you feeling as if you were losing your mind. You did not appreciate the light-headedness that you experienced everything you stood up, or the throbbing head and blocked nose.

You definitely didn’t like being stuck in your bed practically all day. 

Slumped against your pillow and underneath your sheets, you sighed for what must have been the twentieth time that minute. At first, you had no problem with being able to skip a day of school, thinking that you would have a relaxing day of rest. This, of course, included catching up and binge-watching all your favourite shows and taking a well-deserved nap to catch up on sleep that your chemistry teacher had stolen from you via the dozens of assignments she gave out every week. 

Your glorious plans came to a stark halt when your mother decided that you needed to rest your eyes to get better, which meant that you had been forbidden even thinking about opening your laptop or staring at your phone for too long. This had left you to your own devices, and once you had slept for two hours, the ability to do so seemed to disappear.

Staring at the ceiling grew old pretty quickly.

The soft creaking of the door to your room had you quickly drop your phone and haphazardly push it underneath the blanket, plastering on the most innocent look you could as you stared expectantly, waiting for your mother to come into your view. She did, a glimmer of satisfaction appearing in her eyes at the sight of you without any electronics around you.

“How are you feeling now?”

“Better.” Your answer elicited a smile from her, and she continued, unaware of how you had disobeyed her orders and hidden the evidence.

“Great, because you have a guest.” She opened your door further to reveal your guest and there stood Donghyuck, his school bag slung over his shoulder as he looked into your room, offering you a smile and a small wave.

You stared back at him, relief and mild horror washing through you at the same time somehow, wholly displeased at the fact that he was looking at you while you barely resembled a human being. The Kleenex visible at the end of your bed did nothing to soothe your embarrassment. The relief stemmed from the fact that perhaps the only reason you had not been too pleased about missing a day of school was that you wouldn’t see Donghyuck.

Well, at least that was sorted.

“Sakura told me you were sick,” he explained as your mother left, walking into your room and looking around. Suddenly, you were ever so slightly embarrassed by the pictures you had stuck up on your wall in the fifth grade, knowing that you were smiling a toothy grin in each and every one of them. While you hoped he wouldn’t stare at them too intently, you noticed the small brown paper bag he was holding.

Seeing the raise of your eyebrow, he grabbed the chair next to your desk and dragged it towards your bed, sitting down and keeping the bag on your bedside table. “So I got you something to cheer you up.”

Your curiosity was piqued by that, and you sat up straighter, eyeing the bag even more intently now. Donghyuck bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from smiling too hard because of how adorable you were, your nose and cheeks tinged due to whatever sickness you had been afflicted with, but your eyes were still lively. Deciding to put you out of your misery, he took out the contents from the bag, carefully watching for your reaction.

And you did disappoint in the slightest, the sides of your mouth curling upwards in joy at the fact that he had gotten you your favourite doughnut and drink. The fact that he remembered it exactly made you grin the same grin you had plastered on your walls, taking the food from him and watching as he brought out his own favourite combination.

“I fucking love you,” you declared, overjoyed at having something with actual flavour to eat that day, before realising the words that had left your lips. Quickly, you took a bite out of the doughnut to cover it up and make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal. And it shouldn’t have been because friends said those three words to each other all the time. It was normal.

Right?

Of course, most friends did not feel their hearts beating rapidly every time the other person was near. 

Donghyuck caught what you said, and for a moment it felt as if there was a lump in his throat. It wasn’t a new feeling when it came to you, the hesitancy to say something came and went as did his nerves around you. Swallowing heavily, he forced out, “Oh so you love me when I get you food. Got it.”

The teasing tone of his voice helped you relax, but if you had glanced at his face you would have realised it didn’t match his expression, which was just as tense as you were due to your slight slip-up. He couldn’t help but hope there was a hint of genuine truth in the statement.

“Shut the fuck up.”

And with that, the tension dissipated. He took a bite out of his donut and you took a sip of your drink. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable or awkward by any means, but you felt the need to fill it anyway. 

“It’s not just because you bought me food, okay?” You began earnestly. “You’ve also always been there for me. I appreciate that more than you know.” Then you paused, but not for long, adding to your previous statements, “But doughnuts definitely don’t hurt, so you’ve made a sick girl very happy. Thank you.”

When you finished, you found him looking at you with an inexplicable look on his visage. The softness to his gaze had a flush rapidly rise up your neck, the simper playing on his lips laced with a hint of mirth. It was then you realised you had said a lot of nothing to him in the span of five minutes, igniting embarrassment to bubble up inside of you.

God, you would never understand how he managed to do this to you without doing anything at all. 

“Sorry,” you mumbled. “I’m rambling. My dad says it’s a bad habit I need to get rid of.”

You mentally chastised yourself. There you were once again, giving him even more information he definitely didn’t ask for. In fact, in the past ten minutes, Donghyuck hadn’t said a word, it had just been you speaking. Burying under your covers to hide yourself was the first thing you wanted to do, but that would have made you look like even more of an idiot.

Why did you care so much about what he thought? The two of you were friends, he was probably closer to you than your other friends you had known since the first grade, and yet you were so deathly scared of somehow weirding him out or saying something wrong. 

If only you knew what was going through his mind at that second, the sheer fondness for you that had taken over his every thought. The amount of affection he held for you was something he had never felt for anyone else before and due to that, he often forced himself to not think too much about it.

Most people had their first crushes at younger ages, but not Donghyuck. At first, he thought that he was weird, but then attributed his apparent lack of feelings to not staying long enough in one place to get attached to anyone.

Then he met you, and your existence itself rebuked that entire theory. He had only known you for a little over three months, and although this was the first time he had ever thought about someone like this, he wasn’t confused in the slightest. It was never about being able to stick around for enough time, it was just that none of them were you.

“You could talk for hours and I’d never get bored.”

The silence hanging over both of your heads was broken with that singular statement of his, melting away your nerves and replacing them with a pesky, fluttery feeling in the pit of your stomach. You blinked, processing what he had said and wondered if the butterflies in your stomach were a result of the seemingly noncommittal comment or nausea from your sickness. 

You had been a talkative person all your life, often getting into mild trouble at school for not being able to shut up. You had been told to quiet down or that your voice was too loud so many times that you had lost count, and something you had grown increasingly afraid of was accidentally boring someone by being too obnoxious on accident, leading to you apologising every time you realised what you were doing.

But not one person had ever said something so lovely to you. Never had they managed to completely dissolve that insecurity with just a few words.

“Oh,” was all you managed to get out in response. The butterflies seemed to increase in regards to the size of their swarm. He grinned.

“Somehow that made you shut up though.”

Rolling your eyes, you looked away and bit the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from smiling as hard as you wanted to. “Fuck off Donghyuck,” you puffed out your cheeks slightly. “You’re so lame.”

“Oh, so you want me to leave?” He got to his feet as if challenging you, and you snapped your head back, shaking it vigorously. If you had taken notice of the coy nature of his voice, you made no motion to show it.

“No, please don’t leave me. I've been sitting here alone all day. I’m this close to going insane.” You pinched your index finger and thumb together, pursing your lips in an indignant pout to put your point across effectively. This elicited a laugh from the boy, who promptly sat back down at your request, scooting even closer than before. 

And you resumed your conversation, talking late into that evening. He filled you in on the happenings of the day at school (which was followed by your complaints about how everything fun happened only on the days you were absent somehow) and you finished your doughnuts, stealing a few bites from his as well. You bickered and laughed at his stupid jokes, going off once again into one of your famous tangents with him patiently sitting through them. Your other friends hadn’t shown up to check on you, but he had, and that was enough for you.

All you did was talk, but somehow he made you feel better by just listening.

Libraries were, in your eyes at least, magical spaces where time itself seemed to take a pause while you sat within them. The atmosphere of your local one that you visited often was unmatched, whether you were there to borrow books or to sit and study for a test. 

This particular library was absolutely gorgeous, with older design choices and architecture that gave it a more regal feel, something right out of Dead Poets Society. You could spend entire days there being productive, and every time you visited, you always left with a smile. 

The librarian was also extremely sweet and knew you by name, but that was to be expected considering you had been going there since you were ten years old. You walked in, giving her a polite wave and smile as you found your seat, settling in and arranging your study material. You were determined to tackle a particularly arduous unit of economics today in preparation for a class test you had coming up.

Your seat was towards the back of the library, next to one of the large arching windows and the optimal distance away from a fan in a corner. It was cosy enough to keep you focused on whatever you were doing that day while also giving you the best view of the library in its entirety, making it your go-to spot. 

It was due to this splendid view that you saw a certain Lee Donghyuck walk in.

He stopped in the middle, those eyes of his scanning the large room until they fell upon you. They lit up- something you could see happen even from the distance away you were and he began making his way towards your spot. 

Oh, dear. It seemed like you wouldn’t be getting any work done after all.

Donghyuck slid into the seat right opposite you, and you nodded in acknowledgment, looking back at the screen of your laptop. He looked at you for a moment before opening the book he had gotten with him.

And now for some reason, even though you were in the most optimal spot in the library that always produced productivity from you, your attention was directed away from your work and towards the beguiling boy across from you. You weren’t quite sure how you felt about him not glancing at you at all right then, or why you were so perturbed by it. 

Shaking it off, you once again turned your attention to the wonders of Alfred Marshall. Your method of memorisation was taking notes, or rather, scribbling down whatever was on the slides your teacher had put together and hoping for the best.

And it was then you heard the distinct slapping of a shutting book. “I’m bored.”

You bit the inside of your cheek to curb the smile that always seemed to make a show around Donghyuck, and raised an eyebrow in question.

In a whisper, he continued, “This book fucking sucks. I gave it a chance because Seulgi insisted I had to read it, but I really can’t get through a page without wanting to take a nap.” The droll look on his face almost made you laugh. “Do you happen to know where it belongs? I haven’t quite figured out the library yet.”

You nodded, getting to your feet and cocking your head to signal him to do the same. He fell into step with you as you led him to the fiction section in the back, and making sure to keep your voice low, you asked, “Seulgi has been talking to you a lot lately, hasn’t she?”

Every syllable of your sentence had been laced with forced nonchalance, and you didn’t dare look at him even once, turning into where you guessed the book would have belonged. He hummed lightly, following you dutifully.

“I guess so.”

Kang Seulgi was one of the more popular girls in your grade, well known for being in the cheerleading team. You hadn’t interacted with her very much, but from the few times your paths had crossed, she had always been very polite, leaving you with the impression that she was a sweet person. To tell the truth, Donghyuck was also talked about quite a bit, but you weren’t surprised about that in the slightest. He was a sight to behold, even if he didn’t know it himself.

So naturally, Seulgi had introduced herself to him and had begun to talk to him a lot more. You remembered when he told you she had sent him a follow request and then slid into his DM's, and him asking you to help him with how to respond since he had essentially nothing in common with the girl.

Now look, it wasn’t as if you were jealous or anything, truly, there was nothing for you to be jealous over anyway considering there wasn’t anything between you and Donghyuck. He was allowed to talk to whoever he wanted and take their stupid little literary recommendations.

Okay, so maybe you were a little jealous, but you really shouldn’t have been. You knew you were his closest friend, but maybe you were jealous because while you were his friend, Seulgi had approached him with intentions that were very obviously the opposite of an innocent friendship.

“Fun,” you muttered under your breath, successfully failing your own unbothered claims, stopping in front of a shelf and holding your hand out. “Book.”

He handed you the book, immediately noticing the shift in your mood, even if it was only slight. You glanced at the cover and frowned, pushing it in the gap in between all the books and staring intently at the other title,  evidently looking for another one you had just thought he would enjoy, before realising it was sitting on one of the higher shelves in mild dismay. 

The silence bothered him a little. “It really is an ass book.”

Now, although this made you feel a little better, the feeling of slight stupidity that came along with it cancelled it out.  The book you wanted to give him was just out of your reach, but you were much too proud to ask for his help after replying so curtly to him when it wasn’t necessary.

So you went onto your tiptoes, reaching out your hand in an attempt to get said book down, only for your fingers to barely brush against the wood of the shelf. This resulted in you almost stumbling a little, letting out a soft sound of frustration.

Donghyuck watched you in amusement, watching you try once again and still failing. 

“Need some help there?”

“Nope,” you said a little too quickly, jumping a little now and just about touching the book’s spine. 

He snickered to himself and moved until he was right behind you, easily finding the book and slipping it out of the shelf, making a point to hold it entirely out of your reach and asking languidly. “Are you sure about that?” 

Donghyuck knew he had bested you. He was toying with that fact, enjoying having you in the palm of his hands to play with- but not in a malicious way. 

You looked up at him, taking note of the way he was looking back at you. You took note of the triumphant look in his eyes, filled with amusement at your current struggle. That very amusement laced his lips as well, shaping them into an infuriating little smirk that had you catching your breath.

And subtlety had never been your strong suit, and it wasn’t about to start being so, much to your misfortune. Your eyes were trained to his lips, and this time, Donghyuck noticed.

He also noticed the minimal space between the two of you, and how if he just leaned forward ever so slightly…

It came to his attention right then and there, in the back of that library against the mahogany shelves, that he wanted to kiss you.

The thought had crossed the periphery of his mind before- the first time it did had taken him by abrupt surprise, seeing that he had never wished to kiss someone before. With you, the urge grew a little every day, and right then it was stronger than the last time. He was sixteen without the experience of his first kiss, and he had never thought too much about it before considering it was never in his list of priorities, but with you around? God.

And he had the feeling that maybe, just maybe, you were thinking of it too.

You were practically trapped in his embrace at that very point, pressed up slightly against the books as you stood there, your breathing going shallow in anticipation. It was questionable, just how easily he had disarmed you without even doing anything, and there you were, decidedly losing your cool for no apparent reason other than the fact that he was so close by. What was it again that he had asked you?

Oh right.

“I’m sure,” your voice came out small-sounding and meek, averting your eyes away from his face and down to your feet, gazing intently at the stitching of your shoes. “You can keep that. I was trying to get it down for you anyway.”

The spell was broken when he took a step away from you, clearing his throat in order to cut through the heavy air that had settled in between the two of you. He brought his hand down and studied the cover of the book, raising an eyebrow in question. “Why?”

“Because it’s infinitely more interesting than whatever the fuck Seulgi made you read.”

He bit the inside of his cheek, this time definitely noticing the hostile tone that came with your uttering of the girls' name. As hard as you had tried to exude indifference to the matter of the book, you had miserably failed, this being proved by your incessant need to one-up her literary recommendation. 

But he thought it was endearing, and flipped the book over, skimming the excerpt at the back. You waited patiently for his verdict, alternating between looking at him and to your side, peering out the window. 

“Okay,” He murmured, “I trust you enough to give it a shot.” 

Pleased with this, you nodded and began making your way back to your table. It shouldn’t have made you as happy as it did, seeing that he had also seemingly trusted Seulgi enough to try the book she had mentioned, but that didn’t really matter to you.

The two of you settled back down in your seats, and he opened the book up. You scoffed slightly at his newly acquired focused state, resuming your previous work now that he was occupied. Perhaps you’d be able to focus now.

Though you knew, with him around, that would never be the case.

v] now.

“Do we really need these many snacks?”

Yeonmi waved her hand in your general direction to invalidate your question, adjusting one of the bowls that contained popcorn on the small table in the middle of your living room to accommodate the one with gummy bears. 

“You can never have too many snacks,” she reasoned with you, stepping back and admiring her work. There on the table sat a selection of candy and salty-snacks, a cornucopia of unhealthy that was at the level of enjoyable. “Besides, it’s the first official time Donghyuck is coming over- any minute now, might I add- and I want it to be perfect.” 

Oh right. You swallowed to avoid any sort of reaction making itself known, walking over and inspecting all that she had gotten. Gummy bears, popcorn, mini pretzels, chips- it was leaning towards being stronger on the salty side of things. “Are you sure you want me to stay? I can always sleep over at Chaewon’s.”

Much to your dismay, Yeonmi shook her head, shutting down your offer.

“It’s fine, I want you to be around. He’s going to have to get used to you being around anyway, and I would love it if you guys ended up being friends.” Her words pricked your skin, and unaware of this fact she continued on. “I have a feeling that you would really get along.”

If only she knew. You forced a smile.

“Oh, I think we should have another flavour of popcorn. Cheese?” She turned to face you, expectantly waiting on your answer. You hummed, shaking your head.

“Caramel.” Donghyuck had always gravitated towards sweets, so you knew he would enjoy that better. Yeonmi rushed into the kitchen to arrange for said popcorn, and you sat down on the couch, staring at the blank television screen in slight retirement, wondering how life had managed to corner you into such a situation.

Ever since the day he dropped your roommate home in her drunken state, you often thought about that bitter reunion between the two of you, cringing every time at the recollection of your decision to pretend that he was a stranger. You recalled the confusion stirring in those still-starry eyes of his, before it melted into a silent understanding between the two of you. 

At sixteen you had sworn he had to be your soulmate. At twenty-four, you were forced strangers.

Yeonmi returned to the room with another bowl just as your doorbell rang, and you straightened up in your seat, mild panic taking over your system. Before she could even ask you to get the door, you escaped the living room, your feet carrying you quickly to the kitchen and further away from the door, where he inevitably stood.

Leaning against the counter, you let out a troubled sigh. You had no idea how you were going to survive the night without losing your mind in some respect, and you also had no idea how you were going to explain your bolting to your friend without some sort of excuse. Opening a drawer, you pulled out a bowl and began looking for something to fill it with, before coming across a packet of Sour Patch Kids.

You stared at the candy, slowly tearing open the packet and tossing some of it into the bowl. When you were younger, Donghyuck had always had a pack in his school bag, whipping it out at random occasions to snack on. It was his favourite candy back then, and although you’re not sure if he was still fond of it, it was still worth a shot bringing it out there.

Clipping it shut, you toss the packet back into the cupboard and steel yourself to face him once again. 

Donghyuck stared at the screen of his phone, processing the time displayed on his lockscreen. 8:30 pm. He glanced up at the sky, taking note of the stars that decorated it in splashes, before walking into your building, calling for the elevator with a press of a button.

Truly, he knew that he was a bit of an asshole, and he had self imposed this title for a plethora of reasons. He had been dating Yeonmi for a while now, and although there were no labels to their relationship, he knew it was nearing the time where they talked about plastering on said labels, something he had been now infinitely put off by. From the moment he saw you, it was clear that going any further with the girl would be absolutely fruitless.

So he should have called things off with her, and yet here he was, walking into the elevator and signalling for your floor. When she had asked him to come over for a movie night, everything inside of him had been screaming at him to simply end it then to avoid complicating things any further, but on the outside he found himself agreeing, regretfully.

That was asshole strike number two. The first strike was committed eight years ago.

Running his fingers through his hair, he used his blurry reflection in the walls of the elevator to fix up his appearance. He donned a pair of light-wash jeans and a dark blue sweatshirt today, opting to be comfy in an attempt to soothe his enervated mental state. 

Reaching your floor, he walked down the hallway and stood outside the door, sucking in a deep breath. Yeonmi had mentioned that since this was a casual affair, you would most probably be present as well, and that information had admittedly stressed him out even more than he already was.

You being her roommate suddenly made a lot of sense in regards to all those mannerisms that she possessed that reminded him of you. Living with you must have had your habits rub off on her, resulting in all the intense deja vu he had been experiencing these past few weeks. At first, he thought it was simply what it felt to fall for someone, considering he had only ever experienced it with you, but now he knew better.

The reason he had let this go on was because of how much she reminded him of you. It was like he still had you after all these years, even if it wasn’t nearly enough. 

He rang the doorbell and waited.

Yeonmi answered, her elated smile at his presence spurring some guilt from his end. After a hug, she welcomed him inside, ushering him into the living room of your shared apartment and explaining the set up of snacks and blankets that she had laid out on the couch. It was clear that she had put a lot of thought into the evening, and he gave her one of those dazzling smiles of his in acknowledgement.

She sat down in the middle of the couch, and he followed suit, taking one of the ends as she switched the television on, starting the movie. Donghyuck glanced around the room as tactfully as possible, noticing you weren’t present.

And that's when you walked in, grasping a dark blue bowl in your hands, answering his silent question of your whereabouts before he could even ask it. 

Part of him still saw the sixteen-year-old girl he had known all those years ago, the same hair and pensive expression painting your features that he had decidedly memorised. Once you had caught sight of him, you stopped in place and stared for a beat too long, looking from him to the table before him and then down at the bowl you held.  

Yeonmi turned around and the sound of your soft, padded footsteps, and cocked her head to the side in mild confusion. “Did you get something else?”

“Yeah,” your voice cut through his self-induced trance sharply, terse and quick, you switched the lights off, leaving the light from the TV as the only source of it throughout the room, and walked over and sat on the other side of the girl, grabbing a couple of the items contained in the bowl before handing it over. “I thought this would be a good addition.”

He peered over, eyes widening ever so slightly when he recognized the candy to be Sour Patch Kids that you were now slowly munching on. Yeonmi offered him some, and he slowly took it, trying his level best to not look at you in silent question at the choice of it. 

It seemed intentional, but that could have just been him overthinking it. By the looks of your eagerness to pretend he was a stranger to you, you probably didn’t even remember his emotional attachment to it when you were teenagers. The thought of that saddened him a little, especially when he thought back to the times you would always get him some every time you’d pass by a general store, or when he discovered you had an entire stash in the little drawer of your bedside table, ready for him every time he’d come over. The memory should have brought a smile to his face as he picked up one of the red candies.

The situation he found himself in was entirely ludicrous, sitting by a woman he had been dating for a short period of time and another who had everything to do with him in the past, but seemingly wanted nothing to do with him at present. 

But he really couldn’t blame you for that. 

Your behaviour towards him was more than justified, and if you hated him- well, he wouldn’t be surprised, or even blame you a little bit. No one deserved to be treated the way he had treated you, especially by someone who claimed to love you. 

One and a half movies in, Yeonmi seemed to have dozed off. It was around eleven p.m., the snacks were almost all the snack bowls had been emptied- save for the pretzels, and he couldn’t bring himself to pay attention to the television screen anymore, wholly uninterested in whatever was happening there. Instead, his gaze drifted towards your rigid figure, a little more visible now that the girl sitting between the two of you had slouched down a little due to her sleeping state. 

The light from the television gently cradled your features, illuminating your side profile in a ghostly manner that made it difficult for him to tear his eyes away from you. That was the excuse he used to justify his mildly intense staring at that moment in time because the truth was that no matter the situation, he had never been great at looking away from you.

You must have felt the weight of his imminent stare, because you swiftly turned your head to face him, eyes locking with his almost instantaneously.  The air around him stilled, he was afraid to move, as if doing so would break something- or perhaps himself. He couldn’t bear to think about doing that once more, wanting to protect you and himself from that outcome. 

But playing it safe would only get him so far.

“Y/n.” 

Your name made it out of his mouth just slightly louder than a whisper, but it had you breaking eye contact, a breath escaping you as if you had been holding it in, eyelids fluttering shut. This was the first time he had uttered your name in what seemed like forever, but he had never forgotten how to sound it out, holding it out to the wind like some sort of peace offering. Every syllable of your name was precious to him, ingrained into his memory and locked there, incapable of even the thought of escape.

“Donghyuck.”

You weren’t even facing him anymore, vision cast down to your floorboards as you responded with his name in that melodic cadence of yours, although it was currently laced with brevity. The guarded nature of your utterance did not go unnoticed either, he knew you too well to not catch onto these things, even if it had been a while. 

“I…I’m not sure what to say,” he admitted, lifting a hand up and running it through his hair- an anxious habit he had retained from his teen years. Another sigh escaped your lips, and you shifted in your seat out of discomfort at the situation at hand, glancing at your fast-asleep roommate.

“She owes me so much for this shit.” Your words were completely unexpected, but it almost brought a smile to his face to know that your way of speaking hadn’t changed much either. No matter how much time passed, the little constants of life kept him grounded- but with you it only had his head in the clouds. Finally, you spoke directly to him, “You don’t have to say anything.”

Donghyuck paused, caught a little off guard. He couldn’t have disagreed with that more, the amount of things left unsaid between the two of you was the cause of the stinging tension hanging in the air, something he was desperate to attempt to dissipate. It was unnatural, all his memories with you involved everything being exceedingly easy, this was a striking difference to what he was used to. 

It was his own fault. You held his stare, and it took him back to the first time he met you, when your ability to do the same was non existent. He recollected the nervous energy that radiated off of you the first time he ever spoke to you, the way your eyes would never stay focused at his for more than a few minutes. He had found it rather adorable. 

That day was a bad one for him, and he remembered it in perfect clarity. In classic teenage angst, he was pissed off at the world for the cards he had been dealt, those being another new town and another first day at a new school. More importantly, he was even angrier at the person who had put him in such a situation once again- his mother, of course. He had barely spoken to her before leaving the house that morning, ignoring her meek attempts at trying to hold out an olive branch. She had made him his favourite breakfast to console him, a silent apology of sorts, but he hadn’t commented on it at all.

He had been through the routine so many times that he was tired and so he kept to himself, ears plugged with his headphones at the back of every classroom he found himself in. There wasn’t an ounce of effort to mingle with the other students from his end, his annoyances and temper getting the best of him. 

And then he felt you looking at him in one of his classes, looking at you right when you had been called out for doing so. A few minutes later, your eyes wandered right back to him, surprise and embarrassment igniting in them when you realised you had been caught. He approached you afterwards, and the interaction that followed left him with a ghost of a smile on his face despite his sour mood. 

He wasn’t sure why he had decided to approach you that day. There had been others who had tried to speak to him, others that he had blown off with tight-lipped, polite responses that hinted at him being wholly uninterested, but there was just something about you that drew him in so effortlessly. It had been easy with you from the very beginning.

Which was exactly why he needed to fix whatever was happening right now, at the present. “I think we need to talk.”

You shut your eyes, but he wasn’t sure if it was out of weariness or frustration. 

“No, we really don’t.” There was a tinge of denial embedded in your words, if not outright refusal. 

“Yes, we do,” he gave you a mildly pointed look, trying to break through the wall you had built around yourself and open your eyes to the need to get this conversation over with as soon as possible. “You know we do-”

“I don’t.”

You cut him off before he could even finish what he had to say, the finality in your tone stopping him in his tracks. The way you snapped at him told him all he needed to know: that you had no intention or desire to continue this conversation. Even so, he would have maybe pressed a little more if not for the slight tremor that accompanied intonation. 

Donghyuck pressed his lips together, knowing that he didn’t have the right to insist. A stifling silence settled between the two of you, unbroken for a few seconds too long as he sat there, stunned by your minute outburst and thus, as a result, speechless. He couldn’t think of an instance when you had ever reacted like that to him, and the realisation grounded him. 

He swallowed, the dryness of his throat making the action hurt a little. “I should leave.” He spoke up, slowly getting to his feet to avoid waking up the sleeping girl next to him, “Tell Yeonmi I said thank you for tonight and…and that I had to leave because I have an early morning tomorrow.”

You nodded wordlessly. 

The lack of anything from your end was unnatural for him, you had never been one to not talk. It had been one of his favourite things about you. 

“And…I’m sorry.” 

And with that, he left you there on your couch with the very words that had haunted you for what felt like all your life.

vi] then.

Zhong Chenle was one half of your two best friends, the other being Sakura Miyawaki, and the only male hair to his family's multimillion-dollar company. Although he had been born with a silver spoon in his mouth and everyone had his beck and call, he was surprisingly down-to-earth for someone who grew up with that much privilege. Even with all the wealth that his parents had still put him in public highschool, which you supposed said a lot about how he was raised. You had met him for the first time in the fourth grade when you had been paired up with the ever-smiling boy during P.E. 

Everyone in town knew where he lived and it was because it was the only mansion in the town, and saying that it was in town was a little bit of a stretch as well. It was situated towards the outskirts, but travelling was never a problem for him considering he had a driver appointed to take him wherever he pleased whenever he requested him to do so in one of the four cars sitting pretty in his garage.

You had been to his mansion several times over the seven years you had known the boy, and it never failed to leave you awestruck. The garden outside was enough to have your jaw drop, and the inside wasn’t any different with pristine white walls and marbled floors that were tastefully decorated. When you learned that he also had a pool, you seriously considered asking to be adopted.

It was due to this very fact that Chenle took advantage of every time his parents were out of town on some sort of business trip, having you and Sakura, along with his cousin Renjun, stay the night. 

This time, however, was different. This time, Chenle was throwing a party.

His parents were gone for five days, and this conveniently happened to line up with the weekend, resulting in the perfect opportunity. He had never thrown a party before, but they had been happening a lot more frequently now that you were in the eleventh grade, and he wanted to dabble in the fun, insisting that all three of you needed more of that in your lives. 

So you told your parents you were going to stay over at Chenle’s place for the weekend, throwing some clothes and other items that you would need into a bag and let your hair loose, hoping that it would conceal the makeup you had done for the party. When you heard the horn of Sakura's car blare at eight p.m sharp just as she promised, you bid them a rushed farewell and left your house, mild excitement admittedly drumming through your veins. 

You walked over to her car, raising an eyebrow at Chenle’s presence in the backseat. The party had technically started by now, but since you had to get ready and finish all your homework for the week before you were allowed to leave, Sakura had agreed to pick you up and go with you.

This also meant that the host was supposed to be there instead of here, a host that beckoned you to sit next to him. You obliged, tossing your bag in first before sliding into the seat beside him and asking, “What are you doing here?”

“I’ve come to pick you up,” he answered gleefully as Sakura began to drive away, smiling in a mixture of amusement and annoyance back at the two of you. His voice was a little jittery, and once Sakura turned into a new lane, he brought out the flask that he had presumably been hiding underneath the seat until it was safe. “Drink up.”

“This fucker showed up to my house,” your driver friend filled you in, rolling her eyes in exasperation. “Thankfully, he still had the sense to call instead of ringing the doorbell. Can you even imagine the lecture I would have gotten if my parents saw him in this state?”

“You’re tipsy,” you concluded aloud, earning a lazy smile from the boy accompanied by finger guns on his free hand. You took the flask from him and unscrewed the top, cautiously smelling the top to ascertain the contents within, before holding it to your lips and taking a swig. 

The pure alcohol hit your throat immediately, stinging it and having your features twist into a frown, but you managed to swallow it all, subsequently coughing. 

“Oops,” Chenle muttered, “Forgot to tell you it's neat. There's nothing but whiskey in there.”

“A warning would have been nice, yeah.” Your neck felt warm. “Why are we already drinking?”

“It’s called pregaming Y/n, keep up. Be grateful since ‘Kura has to wait until we reach to partake in the fun. For us lucky folks, it starts now.” He ended this with a cheeky wink, his words were a little slurred, and you could smell the hint of whatever he had been consuming before. You briefly wondered how Sakura was going to get rid of the smell before she went home. 

“I believe what you mean to say is thank you,” comes from the front of the car, laced with sass. 

This was by no means your first time drinking with the two, since all the sleepovers at his place had consisted of stealing his parents liquor and drinking it in his room, but you didn’t partake in the act very often, and this was your first official party. You took another sip, this time a little more gracefully than the last. 

“You’re the host of the party, Chenle, you’re supposed to be there. You didn’t have to come pick me up.” To this, he huffed, waving a hand in your face as if he was shaking out the truth in your statement. 

“Yeah but you’re more important, so who cares?” 

You grinned, now knowing that he was definitely a little out of it due to the drinking. He had the habit of going all sweet and mushy on the two of you when he had a little too much in his system. 

“As much as I appreciate that,” you furrowed your eyebrows, “Isn’t that a bad idea, like, who is in charge back there? Won’t it be a mess?”

“Messes are inevitable when it comes to this, it’ll be fine,” He assured you as Sakura switched the radio on. “But if you must know, I left Donghyuck in charge to make sure no one dies before we get there.” 

You decided to not point out the underlying implication of people dying after you arrived, perking up a little at the mention of your- er- close friend. “Oh he’s already there?”

“Yeah, your little boyfriend was downing a mixture of rum and coke last I saw him.” Chenle’s words elicit an immediate reaction from you, a scoff leaving your mouth as you shook your head stubbornly. 

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

Sakura snickered from behind the steering wheel at your defensiveness, looking at you through the rear view mirror. “Keep telling yourself that, honey.”

“He’s not,” you insisted, cheeks feeling hot from the teasing your friends were subjecting you to blaming it on the contents of the flask you held. Half of the booze was still left, and so you continued to consume it slowly, adding, “We’re friends.”

Even you had to admit that you didn’t sound convincing at all. “Sure.”

You downed the rest of the whiskey.

“Where’s your outfit?” Sakura asked once they were done tormenting you. She was already wearing hers, a dark blue sleeveless dress that cut off a little above her mid-thigh, accentuating everything she wanted it to perfectly, paired with silver jewellery and heels. Like you, she had gotten a bag of clothes for the night stay as well. 

Grateful for the change in topic, you unzipped the front of the hoodie you had on, revealing the top of your dress, the bottom part of which you had tucked into your sweatpants to hide it from your parents. “I’m wearing it underneath.” You tossed your hoodie to the side as you clarified, closing the top of the flask and handing it back to your friend to keep. “I’ll fix up there.”

“I’ll help.” You smiled gratefully at this offer of hers, nodding as you brought out your phone, attempting to neaten up your hair. Your enthusiasm was building by the second as Chenle babbled on about something inconsequential, arguing with the remaining two of you as usual.

About twenty minutes later, the car pulled into the driveway, and you had to do a double take to recognize the place. People you recognized faintly were walking around the gardens, holding red solo cups and talking, their chatter and laughter blending in with the music that came from inside the house- giving you an idea of how chaotic it must have been inside. 

Grabbing your bags, the three of you made your way to the front door that was half-open, something that definitely should have been a concern, but none of you comprehended that, your teenage brains ready to let loose and have fun. You barely heard Sakura's declaration to get wasted over the cacophony inside, pushing through the crowd to get to the staircase. 

“Holy shit, seniors are here too,” Chenle said triumphantly, pleased at having achieved their presence at his first ever party. “That’s sick, I’m going to go try talking to Taeil hyung.” 

With that, he disappeared, leaving you and your best friend to make the journey to the top floor alone. The chances of anyone being up there were minimal, and you were going to use the private bathroom in his room anyway, so it all worked out in your favour. 

Walking into said bathroom, you placed your bag on the counter and slipped your sweatpants off your legs, adjusting the bottom of your short, black dress. Sakura whistled in approval at your look after helping touch up your eyeliner, and you inspected your reflection in the large, fancy mirror, pleased with what was staring back at you. The dress had a certain subtle shimmer to it, but only when the light hit it at just the right angle, and your makeup brought out the best in your features, making you feel extremely pretty. 

Perfect. 

“Okay, I’m ready,” you declared, leaving your bags in the bathroom and proceeding to make your way back downstairs once you put on your heels, rejoining the pandemonium you had been so looking forward to the entire week. 

The music was so loud that you were sure you were going to lose your hearing in at least one of your ears, feeling the bass in your stomach and head as well- actually, scratch that, the mild buzzing in your head was definitely due to the alcohol you had consumed before finally hitting your system.  

This was going to be fun.

“I’m going to get a drink,” you informed Sakura, but her eyes were following someone else- Nakamoto Yuta, you realised, one of the star footballers on the team. Smirking, you gave her an encouraging pat on the back before navigating to the kitchen, almost getting lost due to the difference in how the house looked. You were used to the bright white walls and perfect interiors, the contrast of the dark lighting and cups strewn everywhere throwing you off a little. 

Finally, you emerged into the kitchen, which was a little more deserted then the rest of the mansion. You stopped in your tracks.

Because behind the kitchen island and leaning against one of the counters was none other than Lee Donghyuck. 

Glass in hand, he looked even more elusive than he already was in this light. A black shirt hung effortlessly from his shoulders, the first few buttons left open with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Jeans and a silver chain sitting around his neck, part of you was almost offended at how good he looked at that moment. 

He seemed at ease, as if he was unaware of the lawless nature of the party, taking a sip of whatever drink he had poured for himself. He looked in your direction after a few seconds, as if he had felt your stare and raised his glass up in acknowledgement, the simper that appeared on his face telling you he was pleased you had finally arrived. This broke the spell you had been under, and you walked around the island into his full view, grabbing one of the plastic cups.

He didn’t say anything for a moment, letting his eyes drag over your figure from tip to bottom and making you feel a little self conscious. You mentally chastised yourself- mere minutes ago you had been feeling extremely confident, and now that state of mind relied on his judgement, but only his. 

Donghyuck had to force himself to look at your face again, one that was very obviously awaiting his judgement, it was just too easy to read your expressions. He was taken aback by how different you looked right then. A good, no, great different even. You were beautiful, he knew this very well by now, but he had never seen you quite this dressed up, and my god did you do justice to your look. 

“You look amazing,” he commented languidly, and just like that, you were back on cloud nine. 

Feminism had said goodbye the moment you had set eyes on him, clearly. 

“So do you.” That was the understatement of the century. You almost wished you could agree to all of Sakura and Chenle’s teasing and say that he was your boyfriend, because you sure as hell didn’t want anyone else hanging off his arm right then. You glanced at the line up of bottles against the wall, a sound of disbelief leaving you. “Fuck, Chenle really went all out, huh?”

There was possibly every type of alcohol you could ever want sitting there, just waiting to be consumed. Donghyuck chuckled, the low sound sending a pleasant shiver down your spine. 

“That he did. Here for a drink, I assume?” 

You nodded. “Something a little light on the alcohol taste though, Chenle had me have whiskey neat and I need a break from anything too intense.”

He hummed in consideration of this, taking your glass. “Got you. Be ready for the greatest drink of your life.” You rolled your eyes, but waited in anticipation nonetheless as he grabbed one of the bottles, pouring about two shots into it before walking over to the fridge and grabbing a bottle and some ice, pouring the contents into your cup and gently tapping it on the counter to help mix it all. 

“It’s peach ice tea and vodka,” he informed you as he handed it over, eagerly waiting for you to take a sip and assess the taste of his creation. “I’ve mixed it perfectly, so it should give you a kick without being too overpowering.” It was just as he said, the peach tea flavour being much more palatable to your taste buds, and you thanked him with a smile. 

“What are you drinking?”

“Uhh…..rum I think. Yeah, it’s still rum,” he eyed his drink, before finishing the rest of it like a shot. “It’s the good, expensive shit, I’ve had around five of these- wait, no- six.”

You giggled, sipping tentatively at your drink and admiring Donghyuck, the pleasant buzz in your head growing stronger. A song you liked came on, the melody beckoning you towards the main area of the party with every beat that played. 

“I’m going to go dance,” you declared, finishing your drink quickly. “I’ll find Chenle out there and join him.” This was your meek attempt at trying to get him to come along with you, not particularly wanting to leave his side or be separated from him even for just a song. 

Fortunately for you, there was no way in hell Donghyuck wanted to let you out of his sight either, especially not when you looked like that.

“I’ll come with you.”

You didn’t object.

After a few more hours of drinking, dancing and partaking in activities that would make your parents consider sending you to boarding school, you found yourself leaning against one of the walls of the house. You were completely unaware of which room you were in, everything happening in front of you feeling as if it was taking place in slow motion, your eyelids feeling heavy. 

Doing shots with Sakura was the beginning of the end for you. You had spaced out the shots a little, and since they didn’t hit you immediately you had assumed that you were doing fine, and proceeded to consume a couple of Chenle’s concoctions- the worst possible decision you could have made. God knows what he had put into that cup of yours, but it was strong.

All this culminated in you attempting to keep yourself upright against the wall, fighting your drunken stupor to the best of your abilities. You felt good, and wanted to stay awake for the rest of the party, one that had absolutely no signs of slowing down anytime soon. It was probably around one in the morning at this point, and although you were having the time of your life, the smokey, dim lit setting and being surrounded by your fellow drunks was starting to feel stifling.

“There you are.” 

You slowly looked up and registered the face that had waltzed into your view, taking your own sweet time to study the familiar spaced out expression that was plastered on Donghyucks stupidly gorgeous face. His pupils were dilated (as were yours, you were sure) and his hair messy but even that wasn’t enough to disrupt his beauty.  You were about to complain about this very fact, but he beat you to it, speaking once more.

“You disappeared after the first round of beer pong, and Jaehyun made me finish the game before I left, but I couldn’t find you after that.”

His manner of speaking wasn't the sharpest either, clearly very tipsy, but in an infinitely better state then you were. You had spent most of your time at the party so far by his side, thoroughly enjoying how he would hold your hand and guide you from place to place so you wouldn’t get lost and the way he placed his hands on the small of your waist, as if having some sort of physical contact with you was important to him. You especially liked how he would dip his head down, mouth right near your earlobe so that you could hear him speak over all the noise. 

As he had said, it was while some of your friends had dragged him into playing a game of beer pong was when you had slipped away, not entertained by the game in the slightest. You found Sakura and with every shot of vodka you let into your system, signed away your sobriety. 

“Ah,” you mumbled dumbly in response, nodding absent-mindedly, the memory of how he had his hand on the small of your back while you were dancing to the music popping back into your mind.

Music that was currently much too loud for you.

Donghyucks features twisted into a look of confusion, clearly not having heard your sound of acknowledgement. “What?”

You groaned, “It’s too loud in here.”

He seemed to have picked up on that, somehow understanding what you needed without you even asking for it. “Do you want to go outside for a little? Take a break from this?”

“Fuck yes.”

You pushed yourself off the wall, promptly stumbling right into Donghyucks arms. He looped them around you and helped you regain your standing, a small laugh leaving him, the sound having you certain you had never heard something quite so magical. “Maybe we should get you some water first?”

“No,” You breathed out, shaking your head rapidly. “I just want some fresh air.” 

This was how you ended up sitting upon the pavement of the street just outside Chenle’s mansion. The cold night air had you scooting a little closer to Donghyuck, before burying your face in your hands, which rested upon your knees, as you counted to ten in your mild, trying your best to regain your bearings once more. 

Donghyuck wished he had worn a jacket so that he could give it to you, but settled for throwing an arm around you to offer some warmth. The fresh air had helped sober him up a little, offering him the slightest bit of clarity as he sat there on the asphalt.

“I don’t think I can walk,” you said faintly, evoking a snicker from his end.

“You think? You barely made it out here alive.”

The music was softer outside, much more bearable. You could hear the leaves rustle gently, as if forming their own melody. 

“Shut u-up.” Somehow, you managed to stutter on this very basic phrase, only inviting more laughter from his end. You didn’t think you’d be able to blame it on the cold.

“My God, you’re so fucking drunk.”

You looked up at him, somehow momentarily unfazed by the close proximity and with a defiant look in your eyes, ready to argue back even in your inebriated element. “It’s not like you’re a saint right now either.”

He puffed out a laugh at how adorably indignant you were. “At least I’m better than you.”

“God you’re so fucking annoying,” you whined. “I really don’t know why I like you so much.”

You barely registered what you said, the words leaving your lips without much restriction. Inebriation caused you to let your guard down a little too much. He froze beside you, blinking rapidly to try and gauge how serious you were.

“You like me?”

The question somehow pulled you back to reality, but only a little bit. You opened your mouth and subsequently shut it, heavily hesitating. Even like this, you knew the weight that it carried, and the risks that came along with owning up to this accusation that you had brought upon yourself with your own carelessness.

Perhaps it was the cold, or maybe it was the faux confidence given to you by all the intoxicants in your system. 

“Yeah.” Your heart hammered in your chest. “I do.”

“And you’re sure this is not just because you’re absolutely shit-faced right now?”

“Excuse me? I am not-”

You never got to finish rebuking that claim of his, because he pressed his lips to yours almost feverishly, as if he had been waiting to do so for a long time. You gasped against his lips, your body responded before your mind even understood what was happening, instantly leaning into him and resting a hand on his knee to steady yourself. His hand moved from your shoulder to your cheek, cupping your face ever so gently as he moved his mouth against yours slowly.

He tasted sharp almost, the remnants of whatever alcohol he had been confusing fresh upon his lips, strawberries- probably from a vape- along with a bitter undertone that you couldn’t quite place just yet, too acutely aware and focused on the fact that Lee Donghyuck was kissing you and how his thumb brushed gently against your cheekbone. 

The kiss filled you with warmth and you immediately forgot about how cold you felt previously, every sound around you fading into the background, utterly unimportant to you. You felt yourself flush under his touch, your fingers reaching out and curling into the fabric of his shirt and pulling him closer.

Donghyuck could hardly believe that this was happening either, acting on impulse the moment you confirmed that you did, in fact, like him. He pulled away after a few seconds, watching as your eyes fluttered open a little later, wide is slight disbelief, your pretty peach -flavoured lipgloss a tad smudged, now also on his lips.

“You just kissed me,” you said in awe, and he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear fondly. 

“I did.”

“You kissed me,” you repeated once again, like saying it aloud would keep it real and not just a figment of your imagination, “and you taste like smoke.”

You had eventually realised what the bitterness was. He frowned lightly, trying to place why that was. “Johnny hyung taught me how to smoke a joint sometime earlier- oh fuck, did that ruin it?” 

The look of genuine worry on his face made you almost laugh, and you stared at him incredulously, almost scoffing at the notion. Your fingers were definitely wrinkling his shirt with how tightly you were holding it at that moment and you shook your head firmly- well, as firmly as you could for someone who could barely stand upon her very own two feet.

“Nothing could ever ruin it.”

When you awoke, you had absolutely no clue where you were. 

Tucked neatly into a bed, you blinked rapidly to regain your bearings, staring up at the ceiling in pure mystification. You came to the conclusion that this was one of Chenle’s guest bedrooms, but couldn’t, for the life of you, figure out how you got there. 

You attempted to sit up but did so a little too fast, a sharp pang of pain rushing to your head and making it feel as if it split apart. A strangled sound of agony left you as you slowed your movements, opting to lean against the headboard as a compromise to sitting up straight. 

And that's when it hit you.

Memories from last night rushed back to you, fractured and in hazy glimpses. You recalled holding up a stranger's hair while they puked in one of the bathrooms, awkwardly standing aside another girl who had never spoken to before as she sobbed, mascara streaming down her face, laughing drunkenly with Sakura and Chenle (that screechy laugh of his had somehow been amplified with how plastered he was) and stumbling through the many hallways of the house. You couldn’t recall anything in its entirety, having to make do with the mismash of chaotic, foggy remembrance.

But you distinctly remembered Donghyuck kissing you outside the mansion. And then once again inside, after he made you drink water, and near the staircase, and-

You placed your hands over your warming cheeks. It was quite amusing, how the only thing you remembered perfectly was making out with him. 

Carefully, you got out of the bed, gritting your teeth to bear with the pounding in your head. You were still in your dress from last night, and there was no way in hell you were going downstairs looking like this. Somehow, you found your way to Chenle’s room, which was thankfully empty, and shut yourself in his bathroom, before sighing in resignation at your reflection. Your eyeliner was smudged around your eyes, makeup completely demolished- you were sure that your skin was crying because you slept in it. 

Your bag was still there, and you removed the extra clothes you had brought along, freshening up as quickly as you could and changing. It felt good to get out of the tight dress and into a pair of shorts and a loose t-shirt, washing all your makeup off. Deeming yourself finally presentable, you began your journey downstairs. 

Downstairs, as you had referred to it as, had been completely trashed. Solo cups and bottles of alcohol were strewn everywhere, along with random shoes lying about. You grimaced at the sight that somehow contributed to your migraine, walking past it all to the kitchen, where Johnny stood near the stove, flashing you a bright smile.

“Y/n! Good, you’re awake. Take a seat, my famous pancakes are almost ready.”

Chenle was slumped over the island, sitting at one of the stools around it. He glanced up at the mention of your name, and somehow, the boy looked worse than you felt. You occupied the seat beside him, cocking your head to the side and silently asking why Johnny Suh of all people was still around, when it seemed like everyone else had dispersed.

“I threw up twelve times last night,” he offered instead, a certain hoarseness in his voice. “Johnny stayed over to make sure I didn’t die, and handled almost everything after. Somehow, he doesn’t get hangovers.” The last bit of information sounded a little like your friend was complaining over how unjust it was that he had to deal with a hangover, while the senior didn’t.

“It comes with experience,” Johnny said wisely, putting the pancakes he had made onto a plate and sliding it over to the two of you. “Leave a couple for your other friend, I think she’s still sleeping.”

You nodded, grabbing a fork and immediately dug into the breakfast he had so kindly cooked for the two of you, trying to pay attention to his speech about how pancakes were the best cure to a hangover and nod where you thought it was polite to do so, but your thoughts drifted away from him and to a certain boy. 

Donghyuck had also been pretty drunk by the end of it all, you were sure. Chances were he didn’t even remember kissing you, but that singular thought was enough to have your stomach plummet. 

“Y/n? Are you listening?”

“Yes?” You snapped out of it, biting the inside of your cheek hard.

Chenle rolled his eyes, but grinned. “The party was a success, Johnny hyung himself just said so!” Safe to say, Chenle was on cloud nine. You, on the other hand, were a mixture of anxiety and elation, which was a most confusing combination to unpack. The older boy smiled in hilarity, somewhat seeing his younger self in your friend.

“The next will be even better.”

As Chenle began planning the hypothetical future party (with a raging hangover, mind you- he truly was shameless), you stuffed your face with another morsel of pancakes, soaked in maple syrup, hoping that it would soak up the remaining alcohol in your system and help you think clearly about your circumstance.

By the time Sakura emerged from her slumber, it was around noon, and the pancakes had long been devoured.

You arrived home in the evening to an empty house and a note from your parents saying that they had decided to go on a date night. This worked out well in your favour, considering you had no energy to deal with anything after the events of last night. Johnny, being the only one completely in his senses, had driven Sakura’s car back with the two of you, making sure you reached home safely. 

Flopping down onto your couch, you shut your eyes for a few seconds, deciding that what you needed to recuperate was a calm night. Perhaps you’d watch a few movies and order pizza.

These glorious plans of yours were quickly thwarted when you heard your doorbell ring.

Suppressing an annoyed groan, you forced yourself to answer the door, your eyes widening at the sight of Donghyuck standing there. Your mind immediately scrambled on seeing him, not a single coherent thought forming, which led to a most intelligent greeting from your end.

“Uh.”

He raised an eyebrow, glancing behind you and into your house. Embarrassment flared up inside of you, and you coughed awkwardly, opening the door wider and shuffling to the side. “Right, wanna come in?”

So now he was in your kitchen, and you had no idea what to talk about. “When did you leave Chenle's?”

“Early morning,” he informed you, eyes following your every move as you poured yourself a glass of water, sipping on it to curb the awkwardness in the air. He paused, studying you carefully and slowly asked. “How was the hangover?”

“Terrible,” you groaned, the insistent throbbing of your head proving this. You finished up your water and walked closer to him. “It’s still there. I’m never drinking again.” 

He snickered disbelievingly, a glint in his eyes that represented an emotion you couldn’t quite place yet. “Liar.” He seemed distracted, tapping his foot rhythmically against your floor. You briefly wondered how his hangover had dissipated so quickly, envious of the fact.

“Listen buddy, I’m a quick learner, and I’ve learned that being wasted is not worth the consequences.” 

You said this in a joking manner, but there wasn’t even a hint of hilarity on his face, a serious expression facing you instead. Panic seized you for a moment, wondering if he truly didn’t remember the kiss, or if he did and regretted it. Maybe he was here to tell you to forget it ever happened, that it was just a drunken mistake from his end and that it would never happen again.

Maybe, you were just a terrible kisser.

“You were supposed to laugh,” you muttered weakly, your anxiety clawing at your chest. If he was about to reject you and crush your heart, you needed there to be more space between the two of you, and instinctively took a step back, moving to take another right after, but you were stopped.

Donghyuck grabbed your wrist, pulling you forward until you were right in front of him, his determination crystal clear.

“I am not your buddy.”

He said the word with resentment almost, staring at you hard. You swallowed thickly, not quite knowing what to say, terrified at the possibility of this being him cutting off your friendship as well. Him not liking you romantically was bad enough, but him wanting nothing to do with you was even worse. You couldn’t imagine not having Lee Donghyuck as at least a friend. 

Pressing his lips together, he asked. “Do-do you remember everything from last night?”

The question hit you like a train, and the stutter in his voice- the hesitation, it suddenly cleared all of the terrible outcomes you were thinking of. He definitely remembered, and it seemed like he was afraid that you didn’t. It dawned upon you right then that it was quite possible that both of you were royal idiots.

You sucked in a sharp breath. “Not everything.” His grip on your wrist was gentle and warm, you could see him swallow, a flicker of dread passing through those brown eyes of his as he rephrased his question. 

“Do you remember what happened between us?”

How could you possibly forget? It was the only thing you could remember, the ghost of his kiss still lingering upon your lips that yearned for the feeling once more. Your confession was fresh on your mind, being the only thing you had thought about from the moment you awoke.

“You know I do.”

Your voice was quiet, refusing to look at him properly. His other hand rose to your face a few seconds later, fingers gripping your chin and tenderly angled your face upwards so that you were forced to, your face just inches away from his. You desperately hoped he couldn’t feel the slight tremble of your hand, feeling vulnerable without the courage that alcohol supplied to you. 

“You know what? I don’t think I do know.” The coy nature of his voice did not go unnoticed by you. “I think I might need something to refresh my memory.”

You gawked at the boy, completely in disbelief at the sheer audacity he displayed right then, purposely playing with your already extremely frazzled mind in such a manner. You released your hand from his, hitting his arm weakly in annoyance. 

“You’re so lame,” you declared, and he frowned.

“Lame? I’m trying to be smooth over here!” He genuinely sounded kind of distressed, and you couldn’t help the smile that erupted upon your face, even if you did your best to look as annoyed as possible.

“If you want me to kiss you, just say so, you idiot.”

He hummed as if deep in thought, only putting you more on edge. Slipping the hand that held your face behind your neck, he nodded softly and followed your instructions. “Fine, I want you to kiss me.”

He pulled you closer by your waist, fingers entangling in your hair as you closed the distance between the two of you. You threw your arms around his neck, kissing him almost feverishly, more than eager to experience it while sober. He smiled against your lips, which was enough to bring forth giggles from your end. 

You kissed him until you were breathless and felt flushed, dizzy from just how long you had truly been waiting for this. Pulling away, you looked at him, searching for an answer to a question that had popped to the forefront of your mind.

“We just kissed.”

“For the second time,” he added helpfully.

“Right. And you’re not my buddy?” You raised an eyebrow, almost as if you were purposely provoking him.

“Please don’t friendzone me on day one itself.” 

A laugh left you, and he let his other hand fall down to your waist, interlocking his fingers right by the small of your back as if he was securing you in place, making sure you wouldn’t disappear in that moment. Not that you wanted to anyway, being quite content with where you were currently.

“I won’t.” You promised, biting the inside of your cheek as apprehension suddenly came over you. “So then…?”

“Y/n, will you be my girlfriend?” He cut off the pointed silence with his question, one that had you nodding before you even verbally announced your answer. The shy yes that you pronounced earned you that marvelous smile you so loved, and you buried your face in the crook of his neck, hugging him tight, as if trying to memorise every detail about what had just happened.

You were only sixteen, and perhaps still hopelessly unaware of the magnitude of your feelings towards Donghyuck, but somewhere in the uncertain haze that you had to navigate, you always knew that every path would always lead you straight back into his arms. You’d figure it out with your hand safely tucked in the pocket of his jacket, intertwined with his so firmly it felt as if he would never let go. 

After all, what was love, if not the sweet promise of forever?

part i fin.

[vad-hander]

LET’S KEEP IT SECRET

pairing: Jaehyun x reader x Yuta

others: SM Rookies, multiple SM and JYP idols

genre: series | idol!au | smut | angst | fluff

warnings: smut! (read if you're 18+ only), idol!nct, idol!y/n, from SM Rookies till today, readers mom is degrading, love triangle

words: 14k

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4

-

Why did life feel so overwhelming? Why did it feel like you were stepping on your own throat when you were just trying to chase after you dreams? 

Why were you avoiding contact with outer world for the past three days if what you were doing was for your own good? Why were you hiding in your room and chocking on your tears instead of spending your last minutes with the people that became your family?

”You should only do what’s best for you.” Your mom stated plainly, placing chopsticks in front of you. 

”Is it best for you to move there?” your dad asked softly.

”Maybe?” you looked up to the ceiling with a spoon in your mouth.

”It is. As long as they’re going to put money on your bank account and give you success they are much better than that company that left you caged in.” 

”SME is still probably the best out there.” You sighed.

”If they did not put you into that group, they are most definitely are blind for talent. What was the name of the group? L-red? Whatever it is, even the name is tasteless.” you paused, glitching with your mouth open as the chopsticks were about to deliver food on your tongue. What-, was your mom blaming the company? Was she not eating your brains out for not being enough- ”What are you staring at? Eat! Eat!” She hurried you suddenly, making you choke on sprouted beans.

”Did you hear that?” You whispered, following the figure of your mom with eyes. ”She tried to… cheer me up?” You squeezed your face in confusion.

”We’ll always be on your side, child. Now eat, you’ll need a lot of strength to show your best in the new place.” You nodded, wishing you could just give up the feelings inside you.

The moment you stepped out of the meeting room all the confidence faded and it became harder to walk, to breathe even. You got back to your room in dead silence as the SME employee dropped you off in front of the dorm and haven’t gotten out since, unless it wasn’t for the bathroom or the fridge or the lunch to tell your parents the news. 

It was hard to come out and look at the people you were about to abandon. It was difficult thinking of the unknown that was on your path as soon as you left the comfort of the company, the dorm that became your home. Were you selfish? Is the wish to be famous even pure? Were you just dying to be on stage because singing is your dream? Were you just an egoist and next steps would be walking over people just because you wanted to reach something else? 

A single thought of Yuta hurt your insides. He’s going to be pissed, he’s going to scream and probably will not talk to you ever again and to be fair, you’d probably do the same. You felt anxious because you knew there was no reason for him to happily accept the news, to let you go and wave as you exited the dorm and a huge part of his life. What would it be like to not have the safe space where you could see each other whenever? What would it be like to have to put in real effort to make it possible to see each other? The thoughts were just giving you anxiety, you were anxious before, when the word of NCT debut spread, but that feeling in the past was nothing in comparison to what you were feeling now.

You knew Jaehyun would at least try to understand, it is so him to try and put in effort to make everything better. You gulped and sat up. He would put in so much effort to make you feel better even now and you could feel it with your whole being, he had that utter believe in you and it would help him understand where you were coming from. He’s probably going to be upset and hurt but he’ll take the news because he’s the soft-hearted boy you love dearly and he would never want anything less than the best for you. 

Koeun would just cry, you knew that and knew that you would cry too so it’s probably the easiest to tell her. You almost jumped up to go and find her but you couldn’t. You couldn’t risk saying it all to anyone because saying it would make it real.

You knew that it was pretty real, there was an article prepared by the management already to announce your parting from SME activities starting Monday after you signed the contract and you could only wonder when will someone at the dorm see the article, you wanted them not to at all, but it was kind of inevitable to get attention from everyone at the company at least. You almost hit your head on the wall, realising that every one of your friends would understand everything even before the article, when you’ll move out.

Your phone made a sound that made your insides flip. Getting notifications became a disturbing thing, living a cave life. 

from: Jaehyun. 

“i have a very important question.”

to: Jaehyun

“go ahead”

from: Jaehyun

“are we still getting drunk on your birthday?” 

to: Jaehyun

“yeah.” 

“trying to back off?” 

from: Jaehyun

“you were silent I got confused” 

“tbh I wonder what to buy”

to: Jaehyun

“ask Yuta?” 

from: Jaehyun

“he’ll ask why I’m asking and would want to come too” you smirked.

to: Jaehyun 

“I won’t mind” 

from: Jaehyun. 

“I thought it’s just you and me.” 

It took less than a moment for a message to follow up. 

“I mean, if you want other people then that’s cool.” 

to: Jaehyun

“No, you’re right. Just you and me.”

“Just get sojus and beers.”

”And you should buy a lot, I’m sure I have great alcohol tolerance kkk”

“I want to be real drunk”

”Like real-real.” To tell you, that I’m not going to be here anymore, you swallowed. 

from: Jaehyun

“is everything okay?” 

to: Jaehyun 

“yuuup.”

“It’s our first time drinking!!!”

“we’re going to a safe place, I trust you. I want to have fuuuun”

from: Jaehyun

“no twister then…?:(“ you laughed at the message

to: Jaehyun

“oh”

“if you’re not scared to break your skinny legs then why not kkkkkk”

You stared at the phone for a while, but Jaehyun seemed to be off the chat already, putting your phone away too. 

What exactly did your plans for the future sound like? Not the future future, but at least a couple of days before you’re leaving? 

Well, they were vey unclear to you. One thing was set for sure - on Friday you’re signing all the official papers, right after you turned of age. 

Your breath hitched when you realised. 

“My parents.” you mumbled and looked at your phone to see what time it was. Not that late to give that JYPE woman a call, you reckoned and ran up to the jacket you wore on the day of meeting, fishing a card out of your pocket. 

“Lee Soonhyuk, I’m listening.” she picked up the phone quicker than you built up courage, her voice already was filling the line as your brain was coming up with words to say. 

“Mrs. Lee Soonhyuk, it’s Y/n, we met at SME.” you gulped. 

“Oh, Y/n! How are you doing? Nice hearing from you, I hope you’re not calling me to say you’ve changed your mind.”

“No, no.  Mrs. Lee, I wanted to ask you questions, and you’ve told me to call you if I have anything to ask. Actually….” you realised that maybe you should’ve not taken her words literally “maybe you could give me your colleagues contacts, I could ask them.”

“No, no, no. Y/n, darling, you could ask me, it’s fine. We’re going to work together, I have to make sure you understand perfectly how the work flows at JYPE.” You nodded and then realised that she wouldn’t know if you did so or not. ”Go ahead, you can ask.” She broke off the silence that suddenly hung between you.

“Right, do I need my parents with me at the signing this Friday?” 

“How old are you, again?”

“I’m 18 this Wednesday.” 

“No, you’re legally okay to sign these papers yourself, but if you want to, they’re more than welcome to support you through the journey.”

“I… okay, thank you.” 

“For sure. Anything else?”

“Yes. Can I move to JYPE dorms this Friday?”

“Can I ask if everything is okay between you and your friends?”

“Yes, yes. I just hoped I could start adjusting to my new home quickly.” 

“Oh… oh… sure, if that’s what you want I’ll happily arrange everything.”

“Thank you.”

“Thank you for calling! And have a great birthday! See you on Friday.” 

“Yes, Mrs. Lee, thank you, goodbye.”

-

“Koeun?” you called out when three knocks on your door disturbed the silence. There was no response, just three more knocks that kind of made you mad. “Yes?” you called out once again and finally stood up. “What is it?” you sighed and opened the door. “Oh…”

“Happy birthday to you!” A loud group sang in front of your door. 

“Wha-, what are you all doing.” you smiled shocked, suddenly feeling like you could cry right this very moment. You were trying to abandon these people, pack your bags and runaway without a notice and they were in front of your door singing a happy birthday and caring for you. You hid your mouth in your palms staring at each of your friends.

“Blow the candle!” Jaehyun exclaimed and you finally focused your eyes on his face. Your best friend held the cake, smiling all too widely showing off to you his dimples. You smiled too, finally, holding your palms under your chin to make a wish. 

“Make it a good one.” Yuta’s voice stroke through your body right into your heart. You grinned widely noticing the boy you were missing terribly due to your recent life decisions. 

“I will.” you nodded and closed your eyes before you could blow out the candles. 

“Hey.” Yuta called out for you after the hugs and birthday wishes from all your friends were finally given and wished, as you stood in the corner of your room with Jaehyun glued to your side by wrapping his hand over your shoulders. You were trying to discuss quietly the plans for your secret party while others were too preoccupied to share the cake equally. “Can you help me?” he walked up to you two closer, running his eyes visibly over your hand that was entwined over Jaehyun’s waist. 

“Yeah? How?” 

“We need plates for the cake, can you show me where you keep ‘em?”

“Yes, sure.” you smiled at Yuta and untangled yourself from Jaehyun, leading the way to the kitchen. “We keep th- Ugh, ouch.” you cried out and ran your hand over your mouth immediately. “What are you doing?” you giggled, wrapping your hands over Yuta’s neck, as he turned you around to face him. 

“I wanted to wish my beautiful girl a very happy birthday.”

“You already did.” you teased. 

“I did, but it’s not everything I wanted to do.” he walked you slowly backwards over to the countertops.

“Yeah? What else is there?” you couldn’t stop smiling even for a second with the way Yuta’s eyes burned holes into yours. You licked your lips as your back hit the countertops. 

“A lot was planned, but since we’re short on time…” Yuta placed his hands on the back of your thighs, helping you to jump onto the flat surface. 

“This is… new.” you chuckled, as he pulled your body closer to the edge, forcing you to allow him stand between your legs. 

“There’s a lot of things that are going to be new to you in the nearest time.” he chuckled and made your heart miss a few beats. He didn’t even know how right he was about it. “I’ve got something for you.” 

“You do?”

“Yes.” he reached out to his back pocket and showed a fist in front of your face. You caressed the skin of his fingers with yours and he opened them up. 

“Are we getting married?” you joked before you could think, you didn’t mean to be mean towards Yuta’s gift. 

“No, but these have your birthday and mine engraved.” you grabbed the ring and did see it for yourself, there was a heart engraved on the outer side of it as well. 

“This… must’ve cost a whole lot.” 

“It wouldn’t matter even if it did.” 

“Yuta.” you sighed and placed the rings back into Yuta’s palm. Your eyes met his and you got emotional. 

“This is getting heavy…” he paused “I’m into you, I hope you know that, but the job is getting heavy on me, not letting me see you, be with you, take you on open dates, kiss you when I want to, tell the whole wide world I’m in love with the most talented, beautiful, outstanding girl in the world. I know these rings won’t help much to stop missing you when we’re not together, but… just by looking at it I’ll remember I have you during hard times… Will know that I have someone to hold and love, and I want you to feel the same way when you’re having a hard time, or if you just miss me suddenly. This,” he held the ring with his birthday engraved between his fingers, putting it onto your finger. “goes onto your finger, and this one, is supposed to go on mine, but…”

“But…?” you asked still smiling.

“But to not draw attention, will go onto my neck.” he reached out to the chain he wore and made the ring go through it and put the chain back on his neck. 

You reached out to play with the ring hanging over his chest, before you hid it under the shirt, reaching out to caress Yuta’s cheek and then leaning in more to kiss his lips softly. 

“I really-really do love you.” you mumbled into his lips. 

“I love you too.” Yuta’s hands held your head, pulling you a little back. “Let’s spend some time alone.” you nodded excitedly. You would spend all the time you had alone with Yuta, he didn’t need to ask. “Tonight? Or tomorrow night?”

“Oh, no…” 

“Mmh?” Yuta pecked your jaw and made you shiver. 

“I can’t tomorrow.” 

“Something exciting?” 

“No…” you shook your head. “Just agreed to hang out with Jaehyun earlier.” 

“Will I ever be the first one to ask you to hang out?” 

“Mmm… no?” you squinted your eyes. “He seems to always be one step quicker.” you teased, Yuta moved his palm onto your jaw, squeezing it between his fingers. 

“You’re mine anyway even if he’s 10 steps quicker with invitations” he tried to sound serious but his eyes gave him away. Yuta pulled your face closer to his, peppering kisses all over your face all of a sudden. 

“Yuta.” you cried out for mercy, holding onto his wrist as he didn’t leave a single inch of your face, finally being done with it and moving his lips onto your neck, to hide his face in the crook of it, holding your body tightly with his hands. 

The sudden silence dropped over the room, you ran your hands over Yuta’s back a couple of times, finally setting them over his nape. 

“I really want you to stay when everyone leaves.”

“Why?” he raised his head a little to see your face. 

“To… I don’t know, maybe just do the same thing but horizontally.” 

“Okay.” he chuckled, and bent his neck weirdly to be able to kiss you. You quickly kissed him back, pressing onto his body with yours. Your fingers ran over his nape soothingly, while you asked for permission to enter his mouth with your tongue. You haven’t kissed Yuta for so long, you haven’t touched or seen him at all for so long you were not able to possibly detach yourself from his body. 

Of course, if only the situation didn’t ask for it. The little screech your door always made was inevitable for you to miss, and even though just a moment before the sound flooded your mind Yuta rocked his hips into yours and turned you into a flooded pool, your hands were quick to push him off and your feet were even quicker to jump off that countertop. 

“Shit!” you exclaimed, hitting your foot as you jumped off on one of the handles. 

“Are you okay?” Yuta squatted in front of your seated body, reaching out to your cheek. 

“Are you guys okay?” Jaehyun asked concerned and Yuta moved his hand away. 

“I hit my toe!” you cried out.

“H… how?” he asked confused. 

“This stupid door, ouch.” 

“I’m at a loss of words.” Jaehyun smiled a little. “I could not possibly imagine hitting your toe on the door handle of a cupboard.”

“What do you want?” you hissed. 

“Plates, people are starving in your room.” Jaehyun’s eyes ran over the kitchen. “Where are they? I thought you went to get them.” 

“Yes.” you sighed, still holding on to the toe you hit. “Yuta, they’re in the cupboard on the left.” 

“Okay.” the boy stood up to finally get the plates. 

Jaehyun watched you sit on the floor and when his eyes focused too much on your probably way too swollen lips, you reached out a hand to him, and his eyes moved to it.

“Please, help.” you whined and reached out your other hand too, so Jaehyun could pull you into the standing position. “Thanks.” you pecked his cheek as the pulling motion he made forced you too close to him. 

“I’m taking these back to the room.” Yuta shoved the plates between you two. 

”Okay.” You nodded. 

“Did you cry?”

“Mmh?” You asked confused.

“You’re flushed like you cried or something.”  

“No.” You quickly replied, slowing down with your words to not seem weird. “Blood rushed to my face after I hit my toe.“

“Okay.” he chuckled. 

“Do you plan on staying for long?” you asked hesitantly as you two walked back to the room. 

“Me?”

“Everyone else.” 

“Do you-, I mean, should I tell everyone to go?” 

“Yes, please… I’m a little tired.” 

“Okay, I’ll tell everyone to go.” 

“Thank you.” you raised your head to take a look at him, caught with Jaehyun’s stare as he was already looking at you.  

“Of course.” his hand ruffled your hair, before opening the door. 

-

“I think, we should head back.” Jaehyun stretched out his arms, acting tired not much later after the two of you returned. 

“Yeah, you’re right, I have school tomorrow.” Mark put the plate on the floor. 

“Me too.” Koeun jumped up next to the boy.

“Let’s call it a night then.” you pursed your lips, catching a glimpse of Yuta. He sat in the corner quietly, not attracting anyones attention. You wondered if it really would work out like that, moving your gaze from him to not give him away. 

“You know… I thought…”

“Mmh?” you raised eyebrows at Jaehyun attentively. The others were leaving your room but Jaehyun was slow and almost teasing with the time he took to leave. 

“I wanted to make your birthday special. Can we have the whole day tomorrow together? Like a birthday breakfast, then we could do something fun and have our little party afterwards? What you think?” Jaehyun bit onto his lower lip while expecting the answer. You smiled at him softly, he couldn’t look any cuter than that. 

“Do you not have schedules and other things?”

“I really don’t.”

“Let’s see in the morning, parents probably will call me.”

“Okay.” he nodded and sat a little away from you. “Ugh, Yuta?” you almost swore loudly in distress. “Is he asleep? He sleeps with his eyes open sometimes.” Jaehyun looked at you confused.

“I don’t know… should we just let him be?” Jaehyun chuckled at you. 

“Yuta?” The boy called his friend, calling his name once again when Yuta didn’t react. 

“Yes?”

“Let’s go, the party’s over.” Jaehyun stood up and looked at you as a goodbye. 

“Go ahead, I’m catching up.”

“I’ll wait, it’s fine.” Jaehyun walked to the door and turned around to face both of you. “We’re going to the same floor anyway.” he looked attentively at you. 

“I was actually planning to go to a convenience store.” Yuta stretched out his body nonchalantly.

“At this hour?” you held back to not make a joke about Jaehyun’s nerd antics. 

“Yes, I’m craving a lemonade.” Yuta shrugged and walked up to Jaehyun. You watched the figure of the older guy pass you quickly confused. He must’ve gotten an idea on how to trick Jaehyun out of your room. “Want to go with me?” Yuta turned around to look at you, ignoring Jaehyun’s presence in a weird attempt to hurt him, probably. 

“She’s tired.” Jaehyun stated sounding tired himself. “And asked me to make everyone go.”

“Including you.” it wasn’t a question, Yuta stated the obvious to Jaehyun’s face for no reason. 

“I know.”

“Honestly.” your heavy sigh broke off their head butting. “You two should probably leave already.” 

“I’m sorry.” Jaehyun lowered his eyes to the feet like he was scolded. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, you two.” 

You sighed once again, as the boys closed the door behind them. 

Jaehyun needed to know the status of your relationship with Yuta, you thought to yourself undoing the sheets of your bed. If he did know he’d allow the private space between you and Yuta to at least exist. The frustration bubbled up in your stomach. You just wanted to hug Yuta’s waist and feel his hands cover you like a shield, feel his hot breath and listen to whatever he had to say. Probably something that would make you chuckle and blush. 

You dropped the pillows onto the floor with force. 

”I should not be mad at Jaehyun. He meddles unknowingly.” You started talking to yourself in an inner battle, probably looking insane to everyone on the outside. ”Maybe he gets in the way just because he doesn’t understand how it is when you want to spend time one on one with someone you love?” With a pyjama set in your hands you grabbed a fresh towel to shower. 

The best way to get over your frustration and longing over Yuta’s touch was to just get to bed quickly and wake up fresh and happy tomorrow. 

A knock on your door though invaded your loneliness and your eyes focused on the door expectingly. It didn’t open, you voiced out what you thought. ”I’m in bed already.” You lied tired, someone probably forgot their belongings in your room, but you were not in the mood to give it back even if their life depended on it. Another knock followed and you threw clothes in your hands onto the bed, fiercely walking up to the door.

”I’m sleeping, who are you?” You turned off the light on your way to the door to make it less obvious you weren’t in fact yet in bed. 

”I thought you wanted to see me.” Yuta smirked as you opened the door, being swayed away by his hands, that pulled you swiftly away from the door to lock it from the inside. He then quickly pushed you against the door before you could even come up with any words, all sorts of emotions circulating over your body. 

”How-”

”I messed with Jaehyun.” Yuta chuckled, pressing his fingers onto your cheek. You leaned in to capture your boyfriends lips in a kiss, holding on to the hem of his shirt. Yuta let go of your face, keeping the eye contact with you, his fingers trailed down to your shoulders. You felt heated just by being close to him, standing next to the door of your pitch black room, not even a dim street light inside with your black out curtains. Was it normal to feel so heavy in your lower stomach from this brief interaction? 

Yuta pressed on your shoulders, making you lean against the door. His lips followed yours, and when you were about to open your mouth to talk, Yuta laid his lips atop of yours. ”I thought you said you were in bed already, these seem to not be your sleeping clothes.”

”I lied because I was frustrated.” Yuta tried to talk more, forcing you to wrap your arms over his neck so the boy in front of you would not be able to move away anymore. You tried to kiss him slower, savour the kiss, make him stay for as long as possible because actually, you didn’t know for how long was he planning on to stay with you.

You opened your mouth and Yuta slipped in his tongue, pushing your body more against the door. You pulled him in closer too, Yuta pushing his thigh between your legs. 

”I actually came here for a reason.” he pressed your head to the door to not let you follow his mouth for more kisses. 

”Yeah? What is the reason?”

”To spend time with you. I’m not sure you’ve been missing me, but I obviously miss spending time with you. Now that you’re going to spend an entire day with Jaehyun, not just a day - your birthday, I thought we could at least be together at night.” You pouted slightly at your boyfriends face expression. “In case your brain wonders if I’m playing or not, I am not. I might be a little hurt at the fact he’s ahead of me.“

”If only Jaehyun knew, it’d be so much easier to reject him.” Yuta pushed himself off the door, walking over to the bed. You followed behind. ”Now if I’m going to tell him I can’t see him during the day, he’s going to ask why and I’m terrible with lying.” You kneed your mattress next to Yuta, wrapping arms over his shoulders. ”I think I’m going to tell him tomorrow night.” You attracted Yuta’s attention. 

“I think I’m at the state where I don’t really want to stop you from telling him.” you nodded your head in agreement, wrapping your hands tighter. 

”Since you’ve began debut preparations we barely interact.” You gulped, kissing Yuta’s temple. ”Maybe later on we won’t be able to even have this.” There was only so little time to tell Yuta you were moving out and you were wasting it, tip-toing over the topic like a fool.

”Don’t.” his arm wrapped your body, pulling you down onto the mattress with him. ”When we’re going to Japan next-”

”I’m not going to Japan this time.” You didn’t let him finish feeling full on ashamed. The damned SMTown in Japan that you completely forgot about. 

”Why?”

”I was told I’m not, I didn’t ask any further questions.” you cringed at your own lying. You were terrible, indeed. You hid your face against Yuta’s chest.

”I’m sorry.” Yuta pulled you more onto his body, running his palm over your cheek. ”I wanted to say since last time we didn’t get the chance, I wanted you to meet my family this time, but-.”

”Oh, Yuta.” You felt more upset than you probably should’ve in Yuta’s perspective, but in your perspective - when would you get a chance to visit Japan next time at all?

”It’s okay, it’s not your fault, baby.” It is, in fact, you sighed. ”Next time they’ll visit me here you’ll come with me to meet them, okay?” You nodded, Yuta capturing your lips with his. 

“I wish I could meet your sisters.” 

“Momoka probably will come to Korea with my parents and Haruna… I’m not sure.” he suddenly thought too seriously of it. 

”Do you think you’d want to meet my family…if we had a chance…?” Yuta paused his breathing. 

“Mmmh, yes baby.” He nuzzled his nose against your cheek, pressing your side against his body. “This makes me feel so happy and calm. I want to sleep here with you every night until we’re moving somewhere else.” 

“Is that happening soon?” 

“The date’s not set, but, probably, yes.” 

“We’ll still be able to see each other, right?”

“Of course, baby, I’ll make all the time in the world to see you.” 

“I worry… sometimes… how will it be when you’ll debut.” 

“We, debut.“ He corrected you “First we’ll have to get used to the new reality in front of us and then… we’ll have each other and will be happy.”

“I wish it’d be like you describe it.” you turned more onto your side to rub the back of your hand against Yuta’s cheek. 

“We should not be sad about us on your birthday. It’s better we have some fun.” you smiled at the boy. 

“How?” His hand pulled your face in front of his. “In that way?” you whispered. 

“I didn’t bring condoms.” 

“Why? I thought you came here for that.”

“No.” he chuckled at you fully amused. “I came back without a second thought. Just to have time with you, sleeping is also good, we can do just sleeping.”

“Okay.” you stretched out a smile. “I’m going to shower first, though.”

“Okay, I’ll be right here.” he smiled and you smiled back, pecking Yuta’s lips quickly. 

-

“Hi.” you said quietly, clearing up your voice as you tried to sound more cheerful. 

You couldn’t work out what time it was but the sun was already beaming behind the curtains, you could tell. Your body still felt genuinely tired and you wished it wasn’t too late into the day. 

“Honey, are you still sleeping?” your dad asked softly. “It’s midday.” Oh fuck, you thought. So it is pretty late in the day, you tried to move yourself in bed but Yuta’s deadly grip on your body was of no help. 

“Yeah, I got to bed pretty late last night.” You didn’t actually know what time you got to bed even. It was hard to tell since after you got out of the shower Yuta felt like taking a quick shower too and when the both of you got in bed the time stopped moving in the little universe you were in when you were next to Yuta. You talked and kissed, embraced each other and then just quietly laid next to one another, before everything turned out a little more heated than you expected, finally being completely tired and unable to keep on functioning. “Don’t tell mum.” you chuckled.  

“Happy birthday, baby.” your dad finally said what he planned to start the conversation with.

“Thank you.” you smiled. 

“I love you very much, I hope you know that I’m always on your side, I’ll always support you and do anything for you. I hope you’re healthy and happy.” he paused for a moment before you could get too sentimental at his words. “I know you’re going to achieve in life everything you wish for. Just, please, be happy, healthy and eat well. I love you.”

“Dad.” you gulped. “I hope you’re not crying.”

“I’m a though cookie baby, I’m not.” a breathy laugh left his lips.

“I love you too, thank you.”

“Of course.” the line went silent, you heard a little shuffle next to you, feeling Yuta’s lips land over your pulse point. You smiled at the boy, squeezing his fingers under the blanket. “Your mom called you earlier but you didn’t pick up and now she’s running around the house preparing a grand dinner for us. Would you… mind join? Of course if it’s not conflicting your schedule.” he added awkwardly in the end. 

“Dad, it doesn’t. I would love to come home and eat moms food. Maybe I could even stay to sleep home?”

“That would be absolutely great.” your dads voice brightened up. Your stupid brain suddenly remembered you can’t, you had to go see Jaehyun in the afternoon. 

“Dad?”

“Yes baby?”

“Can I bring a friend?” you took a look at Yuta, the boy moved his head from your neck, hiding his smile behind your shoulder. 

“You mean Jaehyun-ie?” You almost chocked on nothing at his tone.

“No, not Jaehyun. You’ve actually never met him before.” 

“Okay, is he-.” you cut off your dad mid-sentence. 

“He’s maybe a boyfriend.”

“Maybe?” his voice didn’t change one bit in concern or fear or anything you imagined he would feel after you told him you had a boyfriend. 

“I mean, just a boyfriend, not maybe.” you expected too feel more cringed while talking about this to your dad. 

“Okay, of course you can.” he seemed… to not care, your insides finally were able to function again.

“Can you please-“

“Talk to mum about it?” now it was your dads turn to cut you off. 

“Yeah, please. I’m worried about her…”

“Yes, baby, me too. I’ll talk to her, don’t worry. You can bring your boy over, I’ll tell your mom to set one more plate for him.”

“Thank you.” 

“See you, then?”

“Yes, bye.“ You dropped the phone onto the night stand. 

“I didn’t know your parents loved Jaehyunie.” Yuta teased the very next moment. 

“Me neither.” you turned your body on the side to face him properly and move your limbs from the numbing position “Good morning.” you smiled. 

“Hey.” 

“This feels nice, right?” 

“What does?” 

“Waking up and seeing you.” 

“It sure does.” he grinned, sucking on your lower lip. 

“Oh, by the way.”

“Mmh?” 

“You’re kind of invited to the dinner at my place tonight.”

“What time? I gotta check my schedule.” You pushed his body off you, his morning husky voice filling the room with a chuckle. “I should probably look presentable and shit to sweep your mom off her feet and satisfy your dad?”

“Hmm…” You made a thinking face. “My dads probably going to be fine but my mom… oh, you might have to fight for her liking.” 

“Just for reference, are you teasing or for real right now?”

“Come and find yourself.” you giggled, kissing Yuta on the mouth. 

-

“Are you upset with me?” you stared at your feet like a scolded child standing next to Jaehyun. 

“No, I’m not.”

“For real?” you raised your eyes relieved. “I stupidly overslept and then my parents called and now I’m going to see them for dinner and I promise I’ll be at yours as early as I could possibly make it.” 

“Okay, okay.” you grabbed onto his wrist, making sure he did actually mean what he was saying. 

“Jaehyun-ah?”

“I swear it’s fine, we didn’t set on hanging out for the whole day anyway.”

“You know that I love you a whole crazy lot?” you smiled. 

“I actually do.” he smiled a little. 

“Okay, then I guess I’ll see you at your place, right?”

“Right.”

“You’re the very best, see ya!” you waved your hand at him as you ran out of the boys apartment, counting down the stairs as you paced down to your own floor to get ready. 

You wanted to look pretty, you wanted to feel that it was your birthday, spend the day with a light heart and go into the night with a heart even lighter. 

-

“I might sound rude.” you immediately turned your head to face Yuta. The two of you were in a taxi on your way to the birthday dinner with your parents. The air in the car was thick as hell, you wouldn’t be able to cut through it even with a saw, thanks to you, not Yuta. You were just the tiniest bit nervous and even the taxi driver could probably sense that. 

“I don’t think you will, go ahead.” You squeezed his fingers that were laying lifelessly on your knee. 

”Can’t get the feeling off my chest that you’re dreading inviting me to come home with you.”

”No I’m not.” You immediately protested making it sound weird, like you were dreading but tried to hide it. 

”It doesn’t even seem like you’re breathing with how tensed up you are.”

”Yuta, it’s definitely not about you.” ‘It’s about me, the fact that my mom doesn’t love anyone in this world, most likely the list is including me and she wouldn’t act nicely to you at all and I already have the image in my head and most likely, which is almost the worst part, she’ll start talking to you about my company transfer and the next second you find it out in such a dumb way you probably wont ever talk to me ever again.’ You wish you could add all of the words that bubbled in your head to your sentence but you just couldn’t. You still had a little hope and that hope was your guiding star. A simple wish to get this dinner over with and go see Jaehyun, tell him everything you are too scared to tell Yuta and hopefully get accepted and possibly get advice on how to tell Yuta. 

”What is it then? It’s your birthday, please smile just a little.” Yuta pulled onto the seatbelt to be able to reach out to your face in a soothing manner. “Will you?” He smiled and you couldn’t hold back the butterflies inside your stomach at the proximity and warmth that he radiated. “Yeah, that’s much better” he chuckled, seeing the smile rise up on your lips. “I’m with you so you don’t have to be scared of your mom or anything else.” His lips pecked the corner of yours, making you melt completely, making the nerves bubble inside of you untangle. “I love you, you know that? Your mom won’t change that.”

“I know… And i love you too. And I do really hope you mean what you just said.” You kissed him too, on the cheek, wrapping your hands over his neck as much as possible in your position to give him a hug. 

“I am.” He nodded, rubbing your back with his palm.

“I’m sure next turn is where my house is.” You suddenly gulped, being able to see outside the window while hugging.

“Is it?”

“Yeah.” You nodded

“Should we run away?” He chuckled obviously amused, moving your head to watch your face. You felt like your body got electrocuted, fully understanding what he said was a joke but somehow still wishing to catch the bait. 

“Shall we? Can we? Do you want to? I mean we can if you want to. I could tell we have to practice and can’t make it.” You suddenly moved very quickly, looking for your phone. Yuta watched your sudden burst of energy confused. “I can text my dad right now.”

“Baby, baby.” He called out multiple times to catch your attention. 

“Yeah?” You looked at him, slowing down.

“I thought this will make you laugh, I didn’t think you’ll actually get hooked on the idea.” 

“We’re here.” Taxi driver announced before you could tell a thing. 

“Mean.” You squinted your eyes, pecking Yuta’s lips afterwards just so he knows you’re not mad at him, finally getting out of the car, and walking around it to watch Yuta get out too. 

“Darling.” Your attention was attracted in a different direction though as soon as you heard your fathers voice. 

“Dad!” You ran up to your father. 

“Happy birthday, baby.” 

“Dad.” You rubbed your face against his chest a little. “Thank you. Were you waiting by the door? How did you know it’s us?” 

“I was, it was about time you two arrived. Will you, by the way, introduce me to the someone that came with you today?” He chuckled, brushing your hair with his fingers. 

“Oh, I sure will.” You smiled and straightened your back. “Dad, this is my boyfriend Yuta. He used to be a soccer player before he came to Korea and now he’s already fixed to be in a boy group, so you can brag to your friends you met an idol.” You teased a little.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Yuta bowed awkwardly you almost cooed at how well behaved he suddenly got. 

“It’s great to finally see who my daughter spends time with.” you nodded, ungluing your body from the hold of your father that you missed so much to stand next to Yuta, hold his hand in the nerveracking event of meeting your mother. “Shall we go in? Your mom made an excessively massive dinner, so I hope Yuta you have a great appetite.” your dad patted Yuta’s shoulder. 

“He doesn’t, idols have to keep in shape.” you chuckled. 

“No, no. I do” Yuta immediately corrected you, nodding his head and threatening you with a finger. “I’m sure I won’t be able to stop once I try the food.” your dad nodded satisfied, finally walking inside the house to find his wife. 

“You’re such a well behaved cutie.” you stood on your tiptoes to mumble into Yuta’s ear so your father wouldn’t hear it, pecking his cheek afterwards. 

“Honey, look who’s here.” 

“Y/n!“ She exclaimed loudly, making you jump. It’s not that you hated your mom, it wasn’t the case at all. The case was that it seemed like she only cared for you to make you achieve goals that she wanted you to achieve and once you drank in a life without her it felt even more wrong than before. You never really wanted to get in contact with her because she would nag, critique or point at your flaws and ‘obvious’ to her eyes reasons you were lacking in something. You had a feeling Yuta wouldn’t like her the minute he hears any of her casual rants and the realisation made you worry even more. Now, besides all other things you were scared of, you feared Yuta would want to fight your mom, which you could only pray for not to happen. “Oh, my child!“ She exclaimed, taking your face in her hands. You expected a snarky remark about your appearance. “You’re too early for the dinner. Go upstairs, the kitchen is a whole mess!“ She pushed you back to the corridor, so your feet wouldn’t pass the threshold of the kitchen. Yuta’s fingers brushed against your back as he caught you.  

“Mom, it’s my birthday.“ You chuckled pissed. “You could’ve said happy birthday.“

“I’ve called you in the morning.“

“I was asleep.“ 

“Exactly.“ She nodded and walked to the stove as if there was no further explanation needed.

“Can you pay attention to the person I brought with me?“ You gulped to not get furious. Yuta sensed that you were on the verge, caressing your shoulder. Why did she have to be like that on your birthday? Why the day when she decided to act sweet wasn’t on your birthday?

“Let’s go upstairs, let’s wait until everything is done.“ He tried to keep his voice low.

“Yes, listen to the boy.“ Your mom nodded and gestured with her hand for you to disappear. 

“Dad!“ You hissed. 

“Honey, please go upstairs. I’ll have a word with your mom.“ You grabbed Yuta’s hand, storming to your room. 

“Hey, hey.“ He caught your shoulders with his palms as soon as you entered the room.

“That’s exactly why I was nervous.“

“I don’t care.“ Yuta said softly, you turned around to see his face. “I don’t care if she for a weird reason doesn’t want to acknowledge my presence, if you’re worried about it. It only matter to me that you wanted me to come, share this with me. It only matters to me that I can spend my time with you and see what you had to live through your entire life.“ you sighed, lowering your head onto Yuta’s chest. “I wonder though, do you not have anything from your mom or will it poke out as you’ll get older and I will have to deal with you.“ He chuckled, pressing you more onto his chest. 

“Straight up just choke me then.“ You chuckled. 

“I kind of fear you would enjoy it much.“ 

“What?“ Your lips raised in genuine amusement now. 

“Would you find it weird if I told you I really want to have you right now. Like, for real fuck you.“

“Yuta.“ You gasped a little scandalised and at the same time, maybe, turned on at the idea. 

“Mmh?“

“I don’t know about that.“

“Okay.“ He chuckled as if he didn’t suggest a thing. “Come here.“ He pulled you by the hand onto the bed, sitting down. “I just want to kiss you. Can I?“ He snorted at your mortified face expression. 

“Yeah.“ You gave in, allowing him to pull you in. Yuta’s hands roamed over your body softly, pressing you onto his lap. The position wasn’t comfortable one bit and even though you really didn’t want to, you crawled a little onto his lap, forcing your knees onto the mattress. Yuta didn’t just leave you be, as soon as his lips were able to reach yours, his hands crawled under your legs, pushing you more on top of him, dropping his back onto the mattress and making his butt sit further on the bed. “Yuta!“ You broke off the kiss to scold him through laughter. 

“Yes, baby? You’re so pretty when you’re smiling. Thats exactly what I wanted to see on your face.“ His hand brushed your hair behind your ear. You dove into the kiss, caging his head between your elbows. Yuta touched up your body, running his palms firmly against your sides, caressing your jaw and cheeks with his thumbs, almost tickling your thighs with how lightweight his touches were at first, making a loud and very unexpected moan leave your lips as his fingers kneaded your thighs roughly, lifting up the dress you wore as the touch went up your legs. You pulled onto his lower lip, pulling away as his head tried to follow your lips up.

“You wanted just to kiss.“ You reminded him of his words.

“I still just kiss.“ He smiled innocently. “Or… do you somehow want more now?“ He chuckled, trying his best to act surprised. You squinted your eyes at him. “I do have the condom.“ He whispered more seriously, your breath hitched at the baldness of the suggestion.

“I can’t, you know that. It’s the birthday dinner.“ 

“I know. I really do. You don’t need to worry.“ He added softly, running his fingers over your cheek.

“Why did you bring it then?“ You smirked.

“Now that we don’t have any legal restrictions between us I just feel like I’m obliged to have it with me at all costs to secure your happiness.“  

“You’re such a fool.“ You cackled. 

“Can I please have my tongue in your mouth now?“ 

“Mmh…“ you thought for a minute. “Yes…?“ You made it seem you were unsure. Yuta took your head in his hands, rolling you on the bed so he’d be on top. “What is this?“ He pulled one of your legs onto his waist, rolling his hips right against your clothed centre. “What are you doing?“ You mumbled into Yuta’s lips as he smashed his lips against yours. 

“I forgot to mention that the other part of my gift besides rings was an orgasm.“

“Yuta.“ You hissed for him to keep his voice quiet. “That is not funny.“ he pressed against you once again with his hardening length. “You’re insane.“ You gasped. “We’re not having sex.“

“We’re not, I know.“ his lips trailed a line from your chin to the ear. “But you’re going to cum.“ Yuta mumbled into your ear, biting onto your earlobe.

His hands little by little closer to your clothed heat, the dress you wore already was pulled up your thighs, making it much easier for Yuta to touch you. His thumb ran up your clothed slit and your leg got tighter over his waist. “I’m not going to stretch you out, okay? Just your clit, we have to be quick.“

“Yeah.“ it sounded more like you meowed. 

“Try to hold back the sounds.“ You granted him with another weak reply, before Yuta’s fingers crawled behind the thin fabric. “Shit.“ He gasped at the feeling of your completely wet folds. “So wet.“ 

“I know, so please be quick.“ Yuta smirked at you, kissing your lips while his middle finger rubbed into you. It didn’t take him much time before the pleasure started to build up in your lower stomach. It really didn’t surprise you at this point how quickly he took you to the peak and even higher than that. Both your hands wrapped his neck tightly, pressing his chest flush against yours. You wanted to whine but his lips swallowed every sound that came out of you or just tried to. “So, so close.“ You managed to let him know. “Yuta?“ you asked sheepishly, even his hand slowed down to pay attention. “I kind of want the sex.“ you felt terrible by admitting. 

“Are you sure?“ He asked clearly not believing the words that left your mouth.

“Yes, is it weird that now I can’t think how would it feel to cum with you inside of me?“ You asked innocently.

“Fuck.“ Yuta cursed under his breath and moved away from you. You felt like you scared him away for some reason and already were ready to take your words back if it would make him feel better. “Does your door have a lock?“ 

“It does, but why?“ Yuta rushed to the door, locking it immediately. You almost asked why he didn’t find it important to lock the door when he was doing what he was doing before. “This is so fucking not how I actually wanted to have real sex with you for the first time.“ He mumbled as he got closer back to you, gesturing for you to crawl to the headboard and lie down. His hands quickly took off the plain white shirt he was wearing, undoing the pants with the same pace.

“You’re going to undress yourself completely?“ 

“Yes, and you should take your dress off quickly.“

“Okay.“ You nodded, pulling the material up your body. “Come here.“ You whispered with trembling hands. You wanted him terribly, the orgasm that almost washed over you was of no help to stop staring at Yuta that was visibly hard even through his underwear. You had seen his cock before, you’ve touched it even, but never with the idea of him getting in beetwen your legs and inside of you.

“Are you scared? Or nervous?“ Yuta asked carefully, as he crawled over you.

“We don’t have time for that.“ you gulped slightly upset. “I am literally about to have my first time while my parents are downstairs about to call us to have the birthday dinner.“ 

“You’re crazy for that.“ 

“I am, and you’re with me.“ You smiled, catching your breath at Yuta’s fond smile. “But please be quick.“

“I’m sure I’ll be, no worries. I haven’t been in a pussy for a really long while.“ you chuckled a little at him. “Just if it hurts, I’m going to have to stop.“

“Yeah.“ You nodded and spread your legs for Yuta to get between them. His fingers quickly pulled down your underwear, lowering his head suddenly to move his tongue against you. “Yuta.“ You pushed him away by the shoulder when he seemed to forget what you were about to do, you were almost cuming from his tongue.

“Right, you’re right.“ He nodded and pulled a condom from the jeans he thoughtfully left laying on the bed. Yuta’s hand quickly lowered to his cock, freeing it of clothing and placing the rubber material onto it. You watched him do it closely, forgetting to say that you actually were deadly scared of getting pregnant even if he wore that. Suddenly your throat felt too dry because the whole thing felt too real to be right. This somehow made you feel like you were in a movie, an awkward teenage movie where the first sex was one of the disappointments in life. How long will it take? Will this feel at least a little pleasurable? 

“This is fucked up.“ You mumbled once again finally realising what you made you two do. 

“Shh.“ He was focused, lining up himself with your entrance. You gasped before you could even feel anything, swallowing loudly. “Okay.“ He gave you a nod, pushing little by little. You were just focusing on how you felt, how he was pushing inside of you more and the expression on your face probably made Yuta scared. “Are you… okay?“ 

“No, yeah, I mean I’m good, you can go deeper.“ 

“I don’t think I should if you want me to last for at least minute.“

“Why?“ You asked concerned.

“Too tight.“ He panted, sucking on your lower lip. It did feel too tight, he was right. Tight, but somehow, still right. Your face expression changed into a brighter one. Yuta moved back, going back a little further than before. You were so scared of all the things combined you didn’t even realise that having him inside of you didn’t actually hurt. He was moving his hips in and out of you now and the both of you breathed harder. “Is it good?“ He suddenly asked.

“Yes, so good.“

“Right.“ Yuta mumbled under his breath. “Can I go harder?“

“Please.“ You nodded, feeling Yuta’s hips slap against yours for the first time. The sound was so loud and nasty, you almost chocked out of fear. If your bed will start to creak you’ll most definitely die of shame. 

You felt a little stiff and you knew for sure Yuta couldn’t possibly not feel it. You wanted to tell him you were sorry and you couldn’t even focus on the feeling of him stretching you out so perfectly, making you feel so heavenly, you could only focus on all the little sounds you two made during the intercourse and it almost felt like your soul drifted behind that door to stay on a watch. 

Soon enough Yuta rubbed your clit again and you felt like cuming. You were already pretty much spent and when he got you clenching you moaned into his mouth, almost crying. It felt too good to wrap around his cock when your body was spasming, feeling him push your walls while chasing his own high. 

You couldn’t understand who came first and who chased behind, you just liked to think you were connected on so many levels your bodies made you do it at the same time.

You panted, Yuta dropped his weight over you. 

“You’re the literal best.“ He found it in him to raise his head and peck your cheek. 

“Thats not true. It’s like you fucked a brick.“

“No.“ He cackled, leaving kisses over you neck. “I don’t think we took more than like what… 10 minutes? Embarrassing.“ he chuckled “I wouldn’t cum this quickly if you were a brick.“

“Thanks.“ you forced a smile and Yuta shifted his body weight.

“I don’t want to pull out.“

“Why?“ 

“It doesn’t feel nice to you?“

“I don’t know.“ you told sincerely. 

“We’ll work this all out later when we’ll have real time to get into things that you like and don’t.“ Yuta pecked your lips, pulling out and standing up. You kind of immediately understood what he meant by not wanting to pull out. Could you possibly ask him to come back?

“Do you have a bin?“ 

“Yes, but isn’t it going to be weird if my parents found a spent lonely condom in there?“

“Do you want me to take it?“ He chuckled but then realised you were serious. “Well if you’re okay I’ll leave it here for the dinner.“ He chuckled again, wrapping it into many paper towels and placing almost under the bed. Yuta quickly put on his clothes and nothing in his appearance gave away he just came. “Are you okay? Can you move?“ You nodded quietly and moved forward, collecting yourself back together. 

“Wait, is that you?“ Yuta smiled widely, staring at one of your childhood photos. 

“It is.“ You walked up to him after cleaning yourself up and getting your clothes back on. “Why are you laughing?“

“Can I steal this? You’re so cute.“ He cooed, caressing your cheek.

“No, its mine.“

“But please?“ He whined and you stared him in the eyes, getting scared when you heard knocks on your door. 

“Yeah?“ You replied as your dad already walked in. 

“Dinner’s ready. I hope you two didn’t get too bored while waiting.“

“No, I was looking at her baby photos.“ Yuta smiled.

“Okay, come downstairs.“ Your boyfriend nodded and grabbed your hand in his and walked you behind him. 

-

“Mom,“ you cleared your throat. “This is Yuta.“ The dinner was going relatively well with your mom keeping herself quiet. You thought that this maybe was a great opportunity to introduce Yuta properly, since she paid him hardly any attention for the past 40 minutes. 

“Yuta?“ She finally raised her eyes at the boy next to you. Yuta, who was pushing chopsticks full with meat and rice into his mouth pulled them away, making all the food drop into the bowl mixed. 

“Yes, Mrs.Y/L/N.“ He stretched his lips in a polite manner. 

“You’re a foreigner?“

“That’s right, I am Japanese.“

“You speak Korean well for a foreigner.“ She sighed, chewing on her rice. Her manners gave off royalty out of nowhere. 

“I learned it thoroughly.“ He bowed. 

“And your ancestors didn’t try to do the same when they occupied our country.“ A cold sweat ran down your spine. What the actual fuck was all this.

“Mom?“ you chuckled awkwardly.  “Why suddenly?“ 

“Maybe you need a reminder what your great-grandparents went through because of Japanese?“ 

“I don’t, I know it way too well.” Your eyes ran from your dad to Yuta. ”I just don’t understand what this has to do with Yuta.“ 

“I’m not sure now that you’ve brought him to the house where people that suffered from his countries’ hands lived.“

“Honey, I’m sure Yuta’s ancestors didn’t take part in the terrible things that happened to our people.“

“Are you so sure? Or trying to pretend like you are?“ She looked dissaprovingly. 

“Mom, you don’t even care about it.“ You bursted. ”You had too much to drink already, dad. Take the soju from her.”

“Y/n, it’s fine.“ Yuta squeezed your palm under the table. “I will ask my grandparents if they have any knowledge on how their parents lived during the occupation of Korea. I’ll give you my deepest apologies, Mrs.Y/L/N, when we’ll see each other next time if I’ll learn something regarding their relationship with Koreans.“ 

“Sure.“ She gave him a careless nod and the topic seemed to be closed, for now, thankfully. “That is exactly why you’re still a trainee while other girls get to debut.“ She didn’t let you to just have a conversation with your father about his co-worker.

“Yes?“ You stretched out your lips in a thin line and blinked.

“If you gave all of your attention to work, instead of boys, maybe you would’ve debuted in that girl group.“ 

“Honey.“ Your dad sighed. “It’s our daughters birthday.“ He finally grabbed the glass from his wife’s hand.

“Yes, and I’m wishing her to focus on work in her next year of life. First that sweet boy Jaehyun, now Yuta.“ Her voice shown disgust when she said your lovers name. “What happened to Jaehyun?“

“Nothing, he’s my friend. Always has been.“

“Thankfully you’re transferring to that other company, I hope they’ll take better care of your free time. When is your first day there, by the way?“ She raised her head to look you in the eyes. Your head turned to Yuta in fear, you almost cried in an instance, seeing his head low, focused on the rice bowl. “Y/n.“

“I’m moving on Friday. From the dorm and from the company.“ Yuta’s head flew up to see you with confused eyes. 

“Will you need any help with moving?“ your dad asked. 

“Yes, I guess I’ll need your help.“ You gulped, feeling a buzz to your butt. You almost didn’t understand what it was but remembered you sat on your phone. Jaehyun’s name and face lit up the screen. You almost declined the call but felt like you needed an excuse to leave the room that suddenly became so sickening. You hated your mom now for sure, you wanted to cry and throw up and never stay alone with Yuta because you were scared. Jaehyun’s voice would make it so much better, you gulped and jumped up. “I need to pick this up.“

“Hey.“ Jaehyun smiled and you could hear it through his voice. 

“Hi.“ You tried to smile but couldn’t at all.

“I’m at the store, I was thinking of cooking something for you.“

“Yeah?“ You were just lost.

“Please don’t get too full at the dinner.“ His voice turned into a whisper with a cute undertone. You wondered why would he whisper in the grocery store.

“Thank you.“ You smiled.

“What for?“

“For making me smile with your call.“

“Is everything okay? How’s the dinner?“

“You know what my mom’s like.“

“Yeah…“ he sighed.

“She said I should’ve brought you.“ you tried to smile.

“Yes you should’ve.“ He chuckled.

“You’re a fool. I don’t think I’ll be able to stay here for too long, so expect me to be early.“

“Okay, I’ll go back home quickly then.”

“Okay.“ You nodded.

“Wait, hold on.“ He suddenly rushed when you almost hung up.

“Yeah?“

“What are you favourite flowers?“

“Why you’re asking?“ you bit onto your lip to not smile too widely. 

“Just… for reference.“

“Well, for reference… you should know by now, are you my best friend or what?“ You scolded him playfully.

“You’re right.“ You could tell he was nodding.

“Okay, I’m going back.“

“Yeah, bye.“

“Love you.“ You hung up and dreaded the idea of going back in. You so wish you could just teleport to Jaehyun.

“Is everything okay?” your dads eyes trailed your figure as you entered the room. 

“Yes, yeah. Just a friend wished me a happy birthday.” you nodded, trying to see how Yuta was with your peripheral vision. 

“I think your mom unintentionally sounded like she’s too harsh on you, right, darling?” your dad chuckled, squeezing his wife’s shoulder. 

“On a brighter note,” your dad cleared his throat loudly. “Your mom baked an amazing cake, I, might I say, helped her decorate it. Will you blow the candles? Honey, shall we bring the cake?”

“Yes, yes. I’ll go light up the candles.” your mom jumped up with such a sweet tone to her voice like she was the most loving and caring mother. 

“Yay.” you faked a giggle, watching your dad get up and leave you alone with Yuta. 

You gulped, he seemed to be frozen for the previous couple of minutes. You were debating whether to touch his hand or not, would he shake you away in an instance or would he give you a chance. He broke off the silence first and you almost jumped up in your seat completely startled to hear him speak. 

“I think I should be going, will you excuse me to your parents?” those weren’t exactly the words you expected from him. You didn’t know what you expected exactly, but you wanted to talk. Yuta stood up and pushed the chair with his foot. 

“Please.” you mumbled almost inaudible. “I’ll blow those candles and tell them we have to leave, please stay.” 

“Why? To not ruin the picture for your dad?” Yuta spoke from behind you, there was no chance you would turn around and look him in the eyes so easily. 

“No! Not for that, I’m so sorry and embarrassed for what my mom said about your ancestors… I couldn’t even imagine she’d bring up something like that…She usually never drinks. I swear to god, I feel so sorry. And besides that I think we should talk about something else. We should’ve talked way before in fact.“

“I think we’ve been doing pretty good, fantastic even, without the aspect of sharing important things that happen in our life’s and talking them through. Aren’t we?” this stung. 

“Yu-“ you wanted to stand up and drop onto your knees to beg him. 

“Happy birthday to you!” distant singing interrupted you, a moment later your dads hand showing up to turn off the lights and then entering the room. 

“Yuta, sing along, aren’t you a singer!” 

“Ugh, yeah.” Yuta took a step back to the table, clapping rhythmically without making a sound. 

-

“Please wait for me.” you whined as Yuta’s feet were making around a meter wide steps. “Yuta!” 

“What?” he snapped and turned around, stopping. You finally caught up with him, lowering your eyes on his chest to not hold his piercing gaze. You could see the shape of the ring hanging on his neck through the shirt he wore.

“I wanted to talk to you earlier, about all this, but I was scared. I had a feeling you’ll be upset.”

“So you’re blaming me for this?”

“I’m not blaming you. It’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying I was postponing this conversation out of fear.”

“Fine.” he turned around and walked away from you, this time much slower, as if expecting you to walk side to side with him. This was a good sign, it was… a good sign… right?

“Will you not ask me where I’m going? Or do you not want me to tell you everything?”

“You’re going to see Jaehyun.” 

“You know I didn’t mean where I’m going like, now.” 

“I meant you’re going to Jaehyun after this, don’t ruin your mood and don’t bother and just go.”

“I-,” you chocked on air. “This is bullshit.” you hit his shoulder from behind and regretted the move a little. 

“Excuse me?” Yuta was scandalised. His eyes dilated to the state they might’ve popped out any second. 

“I know it’s the worst way to find out I’m going away from the dorm and the company… at this stupid ass torture dinner… from my drunk venomous mother. I-, Yuta.” you grabbed his palm with yours and he jerked away immediately. “I was scared to tell you, for your reaction, for the idea that telling you will make it real, and I’m still so scared to move somewhere else where I won’t have you.”

“Does Jaehyun know?”

“No, nobody knows. I haven’t told him either.” You couldn’t decipher what his face expression said. Was he relieved by the fact Jaehyun didn’t know too? “I really, Yuta, I don’t want to fight. I love you. We just did what we did in my bedroom couple of hours ago and now you’re looking at me like I disgust you.”

“Is that why you wanted sex?” he snorted and all your insides dropped.

“No-, NO!” you made it loud and clear. “I only wanted it because I wanted you.” 

“I need a minute by myself. Go to Jaehyun’s.”

“Can I say something else?” he gave a nod. “I’ve never loved anyone before you. I may be doing dumb and stupid things, I can make things harder, I can be closed off, maybe I should indeed share more, but… I was suffering so much. I was, I mean, I’m still depressed because people around me move forward and I stay just there and I kept things partially to myself because you’re in a boy group and I’m just there. I’m so tired of hearing words like you’ll do it, you’re great from people who actually do have a future. I didn’t have one before I got in contact with JYPE. Maybe that’s for the better I’m moving to a different company, if I’ll get to live my dream, wouldn’t you be happy?” 

“What about us?” his eyes dropped onto your face finally, inspecting it. You took a step closer. 

“Weren’t you just yesterday telling me how we’ll fight for what we have? What happened to that?”

“Nothing. It’s going to be different and that’s the thing.” 

“Are you mad because you’re worried for us?” you pouted. 

“No, I’m mad because you’re moving almost tomorrow and I didn’t hear a single thing about it until now!”

“Will you forgive me?” you blinked at him apologetically. 

“I don’t know.” your heart stung. 

“L-, like…like seriously don’t know?”

“Yes-“

“Yuta.” you gasped, tears prickling your eyes. 

“I’ll get you a taxi, don’t cry and go to Jaehyun’s.”

“I-, I’ll cancel that. I want to be with you.” 

“No, I don’t want that. Go ahead and have all the fun you can.”

Yuta caught a passing taxi with his hand, forcefully pushing you inside. 

“Happy birthday.” he said without even looking at you and closed the door. 

“Where to?” the driver turned around.

-

“Hey-y-y.” you sung as Jaehyun was opening the door, you placed one of your hands on the hip, the other going up in the air with a bottle of strong alcohol in it. 

“Hi.” Jaehyun smiled, immediately after focusing his eyes on your hand in the air. “What’s that?” 

“I-I-It’s soju. I got it on my way here because I felt kinda bad for going to a party empty handed.” you puffed your cheeks, passing the threshold to wrap your hands over Jaehyun. 

“I’ve bought more than we could possibly consume, it’s fine.”

“But still, it’s a gift for you.” you moved back, pressing the bottle against his chest. Realising a moment later Jaehyun was wearing an apron, you couldn’t hide away the smile at how cute he looked wearing it. You let the bottle slide down his stomach, finally dropping into the pocket in the front part of the apron. “I actually have one more thing for you.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah, I might’ve opened the gift number one on my way here, sorry.” You pouted. ”The jelly’s. They’re completely yours.” you announced loudly and Jaehyun chuckled, placing the bag in the pocket as well. “So what are we doing?” you slid the shoes off your feet, quickly grabbing Jaehyun by the elbow. “I didn’t want you to put too much effort.” you said as the smell got into your nose. “We should’ve just ordered.” 

“It’s fine, I wanted to do something for you, you’re my best friend after all.” you felt goosebumps run over your body. 

“Your girlfriend will be the happiest girl ever.” 

“Shut up.” He rolled his eyes, letting go of you as the two of you reached kitchen. 

“Mmh, pasta?” you smiled widely. 

“Yeah, tomato sauce pasta with seafood.”

“Yummy.” you smiled. 

“You haven’t tried it yet.” he smirked lightly. 

“You made it I’m sure it’s bomb.” Jaehyun grabbed your hand, smiling at you. 

“Yeah?” you nodded at him, smiling playfully. “ I bought many snacks because I know what you’re like, will you help me put the chips in a bowl?”

“Mmh.” you let him part your hands. “Is that it? Pasta and snacks?” 

“No, I have a pizza in the oven.” Your mouth made an O. “Before you scream it’s a pre-made pizza, I just defrosted it.”

“Thank god.” you chuckled. 

“But it’s a cool one if it matters to you, a handmade.”

“Cool-.” you started, as your phone vibrated, making everything inside of you stir. You only expected it to be Yuta, your brains going in complete overdrive while you were trying to see. “God.” you sighed, dropping the phone on the counter. 

“What’s up?”

“Koeun lost her blow dryer and asking everyone in the chat.” 

“I think I know where she lost it.” he cackled, bringing to you a pack of chips with a bowl. 

“Mmh?”

“Donghyuck might’ve said he found a blow dryer that seemed to be no one else’s when he came to your floor to wish you a happy birthday.”

“He didn’t wish me a happy birth-.”

“He saw the blow dryer and ran away I assume.” you laughed loudly. 

“Okay, sounds like he’d do that for a blow dryer.” 

“Yeah.” Jaehyun made a breathy laugh. 

-

“And the weirdest part?“ you exhaled, lowering your hand a little as the thought drifted away from your tongue. What was Yuta doing at this very moment? Was he asleep, was he thinking of you? Was he mad at you? Or did he calm down a little and is ready to talk? Should you maybe call him?

“Wait, wait.“ Jaehyun grabbed your wrist, pulling your hand back up and getting your brain off the triggering topic. “You’re spilling on my jeans.“ you focused your vision on his thigh, the material turned darker than on the rest of the leg. 

“Oh, shit. I’m sorry.“ you finally let him take the glass from your hand. “We should go back inside and wash it.“ You turned your head back, staring at the sky for the last time. 

“It’s just a somaek spill, it won’t stain my jeans.“ He shook you off, grabbing onto your wrist once again as you tried to get into a standing position. “Sit back down.“ you disobeyed, causing him to pull onto you harder and force you to drop your body back onto the terrace with a loud thud. You fell onto your back, finding it impossible to not laugh. You were most definitely too drunk to even walk. “I’m sorry, did this hurt?“ You forced him on his back too, laughing still. “How drunk do you think you are?“ He asked as your laughter seemed to die a little. You turned your head for the slightest moment to take a glance at your friend and then turned back around to measure amount of alcohol you had by the empty soju bottles on your side, there were barely any. It hurt your pride a little, you expected yourself to at least go through three of these with ease. Was this day bound to be the day of disappointments and first times? You cackled.

“I consider crawling back inside.“ You looked at Jaehyun once again with a smile, taking a hitched breath as your eyes could take in his focused face expression. He must’ve looked at you the whole time, you thought and gulped with the unusual burdened feeling to it. His teeth nibbled on his lower lip and at this very moment he seemed to be completely sober. “I can’t walk.“ You added to make it more clear what you meant. Jaehyun’s eyes traveled all over your face, batting his eyelashes as his eyes paused on your lips.

“Want me to help you walk?“ he sighed, moving his head an inch closer to yours. Jaehyun caught your eye out of nowhere, you found your eyes focus on his face a little more than you usually did. Under the drunken spell his face looked a little funny to you and you pulled your head a little more toward him in hopes of focusing your eyes properly and unseeing the funny features that weren’t even there in the first place. Was that the reason he stared so thoroughly? Did you look too funny to him too, but in his case he’s just too well-mannered to point anything out. You gulped and stared down his soul to not laugh. 

“No.“ You smirked.

“What? What did you think of?“ You bit onto your lip, holding in the grin on your face.

“Should we crawl back to the kitchen?“

“Crawl?“ 

“Yeah, who gets there faster, gets to… hm…“ you ran your eyes over the sky.  “Let’s crawl and then decide.“ You suddenly turned around onto your stomach, getting on your knees and elbows, you false started in your silly competition, hearing Jaehyun’s protest and whimpers behind you. You crawled to the terrace door, getting onto your feet as soon as you got inside, sprinting back towards the kitchen island. 

“This was meant to be a crawling competition!“ Jaehyun whined behind you, getting on his feet, by the sound of it, too. The sudden reassurance that he indeed was on his feet took you by surprise, you gasped and grasped onto his hands that were now pressing your body against his, unable to make any sound as the air got beaten out of your lungs by the push. Jaehyun giggled next to your ear, dragging you the rest of the way to the island. “You’re a terrible cheater.“ You tried to turn your head but to no avail. “You should tell your manager you want to be an actress, you acted like a drunk naturally.“ He chuckled.

“I might be drunk but I would never allow myself to lose in a competition.“ you finally found your voice back, holding onto Jaehyun’s arms tighter, pulling for him to let go. 

“What was the point… of this, again? The competition?“ 

“Turn off the light and get on the floor.“ you gulped, not knowing if you were really not that drunk, if the alcohol faded away or you were shaken by something else that your senses began to come back to you. 

“Ugh… oh?“ Jaehyun malfunctioned. “Why?“

“I want to drink more… and maybe share a secret or two with you… I think I might’ve lost the drunken haziness after the sprint.“ 

“Me, too.“

“Hm?“ You got on your knees to plop on the floor next to the island.

“I want to share a secret with you.“ 

“You do?“ you lit up, unable to contain the smile. “My baby’s all grown up.“ You felt an excited shiver run down your spine. “Come on, sit down.“ You tapped the space next to you. Jaehyun walked over the light switch, turning the room pitch black. It was, to be fair, a little scary, the house was big and creeped you even in the day time, but when the lights were completely off you felt your palms get a little sweaty before you felt the warmth of Jaehyun next to your body. You squeezed more into his side, just in case. The boy gave you the glass you left on the island before the two of you got outside a good hour ago, tasting the drink with your tongue, you took a couple sips to build courage. Maybe, Jaehyun wouldn’t mind sharing his secrets first?

“Do you want to go first?“ Jaeyun broke off the silence. 

“Oh, man.“ You sighed and plopped your head on his shoulder.

“No?“ he chuckled. 

“Mmh, I’m kinda sober now… should we not?“ 

“No, I don’t think we’ll get any other chances like that.“ 

“You’re right, but-“

“If you’re shy and I’m shy too, should we tell each other on the count of 3?“ 

“That’s silly.“ You sighed, feeling Jaehyuns fingers brush over you in search of the glass. “But I agree.“ 

“Do you?“ 

“Yeah.“

“Okay, should I count down?“

“Yeah.“ You nodded, feeling your heart beat faster. Which secret exactly should you spill out first? You swore at yourself for having so many. 

“1… 2…3…“ Jaehyun counted down slowly, but still not slow enough for you to come up with words. “I l-.“ 

“Stop!.“ You cut him off before he could say any more. “I-, I wasn’t ready. Can you count down once again?“

“For real, this time?“ 

“Yes, I’m sorry. I was just unable to form words into sentences.“

“Okay, one.“

“Two.“ You said as Jaehyun took a longer pause. 

“Three.“ He almost whispered as he swallowed. “I am in love with you.“

“I am dating Yuta.“ You said loudly in unison with Jaehyun, blood pumping in your ears so loud you were not able to hear a single word Jaehyun said. 

“What?“ The face expression he made was visible even through pure darkness.

“Wait, did you hear what I said?“ You gasped, you didn’t think his words would be so quiet. 

“Yes, you’re dating Yu-“ he didn’t finish saying his friends name. “How? When… why?“ You could only imagine how betrayed and shocked he felt. And it wasn’t even the main news you wanted him to know. 

“But what did you say? I couldn’t hear.“ You whined, ignoring the boys’ questions completely. 

“I- It doesn’t matter at all.“

“It does.“ You touched his arm with your suddenly cold fingers.

“No, I- it doesn’t.“ Jaehyun chocked on his words almost for the first time in front of your eyes, he never felt this small next to you before. 

“Hey.“ You furrowed your eyebrows. “You heard mine, that’s unfair.“

“Yeah, that’s why we’re going to talk about yours first and come back to mine later.“ He spoke firmly, putting everything in him to hold back his true feelings. You wouldn’t know that, you wouldn’t know that the tremble to his voice wasn’t caused by the shocks of betrayal. Well, maybe, partially, betrayal too, but Jaehyun couldn’t come in terms with his feelings at this very moment to say surely what he felt. He wanted to get all the information he could from you first, he was focusing his brain on the possibility of you hearing him and immediately playing pretend just because it’s not what you expected. But what did you even expect? How could he be sure in anything if a big, no, a huge part of your life slipped from his attention. Was he not reading the room right? Yuta? For real? He wanted to smash his head into the wall. He wanted to smash Yuta’s head into the wall, to be exact, and tell him you two were meant to be together. No you and Yu-. Jaehyun suddenly found disgust in his friends name and wanted to fight with your boyf-. He swallowed again because even the thought of Yuta being your boyfriend made him gag. And then he swallowed again, realising that fighting and confrontation in general was so out of his character, and as Jaehyun took two steady breaths and the first aftershocks left his body he was able to focus his attention on you. You were trembling on his side, sobbing, even. Wait-.

“Are you crying?“ he asked, taking your face in his hand. “Y/n, I- I’m ha-.“ No, Jaehyun wasn’t happy and he couldn’t even lie that he was. “Are you crying because you’re happy that I finally know or because you didn’t want to tell me?“ 

“No.“ You sobbed, untangling your hand from Jaehyun’s to hide your face in your palms. You were crying because after saying the words you suddenly remembered what happened between you two, how he said he weren’t sure if he’d forgive you, and you questioned if there was even a point in telling Jaehyun about this if it’s almost over. 

“I don’t understand.“ He sighed lost.

“I am leaving SME and Yuta found out about it from my mother tonight in between her blaming him for everything that happened to our country. Now you found out about it in a fucked up way too. Jaehyun-ah, I’m so sorry, I’m such a terrible friend.“ You cried. ”I didn’t want to upset you and now I’ve ruined everything you prepared and I-” you broke down.

“You- you’re what?“ Jaehyun felt his own tears prickle his eyes. He had to swallow them harshly before you could sense that. “Leaving SME? Where to? Why? I mean, weren’t you happy here, with us.. you were-.“ He chocked as the world he built so thoroughly around you was shuttering terribly with every passing minute. He wasn’t sure what else could leave your mouth the next minute. Was there anything else that could hurt him more?