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gilbert-blythe-ruined-my-life · 5 years

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Anna watches S03xE07 for the first time (warning: spoilers!)

NOT looking forward to this episode at all.

In fact, I’m terrified.

Would rather NOT watch.

Anywho, now that’s out of the way, here we go!

“Anne’s article isn’t recieved quite as well as she planned” WELL WE KNEW THAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN. THANKS. But Josie makes a brave decision? Ooooooooh.

OH DEAR. MARILLA IS NOT GOING TO BE HAPPY.

OH NO, IT’S HAPPENING.

ARE WE READY FOR THIS?

Mr Barry and his dad jokes.

Diana didn’t even think and went along with Marilla’s assumption. A true bosom friend. She’s a ride or die.

OH NO, IT’S HAPPENING.

THE ARTICLE’S MADE THINGS WORSE.

OH NO.

Ugh, the video’s frozen and won’t load.

Well, we all knew this was gonna happen. But still.

Poor Josie.

Poor Anne.

Big yikes.

Why won’t this episode load anymore??

Can we just talk about how good the casting is? Josie’s parents look like they really could be Miranda’s parents and the Andrews really do look like a family. A+ casting.

OH NO POOR BABY JOSIE.

‘We casn’t have this dirty bit of business mar the arrangments between you and Billy’. YUCK. JOSIE’S FATHER IS EVEN WORSE THAN HER MOTHER.

‘It doesn’t matter whose fault it is’.

UM. EXCUSE ME.

‘We’ll simply do whatever it takes to get him back’. EW NOBODY WANTS HIM BACK.

‘He’s not a nice boy!’ YES JOSIE. YES MY DAUGHTER. MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER. I HAVE NOW ADOPTED YOU. YOU ARE MY DAUGHTER NOW, NOT THEIR’S.

‘You put yourself in a situation…girl’s with repuatation’s don’t have choices’

My heart is breaking.

‘He hurt me!’ oh heavens. my baby.

Baby girl.

PROTECT HER.

Oh no.

IT’S ALL GOING DOWN.

‘Perhaps manifesto would be a better word’ NGL, I laughed.

So Anne didn’t mention Josie by name is the article? I’m glad about that.

I hope Anne does apologise to Josie.

‘Billy we’ll get you down to Charlottetown soon so we can find a woman more compatible with our interests’. EW, EW, EW, EW, EW. THANK GOODNESS THEY WON’T LET JOSIE MARRY HIM BUT EW. NO GIRL DESERVES THAT.

YES, IS PRISSY NOT ON HIS SIDE?? YES PRISSY! YOU GO PRISSY!

‘The only difference is that you found me worthy of defense’. PRISSY I LOVE YOU. WE STAN A FEMINIST QUEEN. OH WE STAN. ‘And now you’re hanging Josie out to dry because she’s not your daughter so “Off we go, onto the next!”’ STRAIGHT FACTS. POINTS. WERE. MADE. OH, WHAT A QUEEN. WHAT DID WE DO TO DESERVE??

‘Now that you mention it, I can think of one smell that’s worse than male desperation’.

FIRE UP THAT LOUD, ANOTHER ROUND OF SHOTS.

‘Hypocrisy’.

TURN DOWN FOR WHAT.

OH PRISSY. QUEEN. QUEEEEEEEEEEN. OH WE STAN. WE STAN, QUEEN.

‘Apologise to Josie’.

Diana is right. OH, BUT I HATE THAT SHE’S SO UPSET WITH ANNE.

MAKE UP SOON, MY DAUGHTERS.

OH SNAP.

THAT SLAP.

OH SNAP.

THAT SLAP.

HERE WE GO.

‘You’ve always been jealous of me. You couldn’t rise to my level so you brought me down to yours. Now I’m trash. Just like you’. OKAY HOLD UP.

WAIT.

HOLD ON ONE SECOND, MISS PYE.

OKAY LOOK, I GET IT. YOU’RE UPSET AND HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE. ANNE WAS WRONG.

BUT SERIOUSLY?

ANNE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO STUCK UP FOR YOU AND YOU KNOW IT. WHILE EVERYONE WAS TRASHING YOUR REP, ANNE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO DEFENDED YOU AND BELIEVED YOU.

YES, GILBERT’S STICKING UP FOR ANNE WITH MOODY.

OH NO, SHIRBERT ARE FIGHTING AGAIN. YIKES.

Yay, Anne and Miss Stacey are having a feminist discussion!!!! She agrees with Anne, but knows what she did was wrong.

Poor, Anne. I do feel bad for my baby. I know what she did was wrong, but my heart still aches for her.

Great, now the old white men what to cancel the newspaper.

OH NO, THEY DID NOT JUST BRING MARY INTO THIS.

OH NO, NO THEY DIDN’T.

NOW IT’S PERSONAL.

I HOPE RACHEL UNLEASHES HER INNER FEMINIST.

This cinematography though. You can FEEL how Rachel is feeling.

DIANA AND JERRY. THEY’RE DISCUSSING THE BOOK.

THEY’RE GETTING DEEP.

OH NO.

JERRY’S NOT DEEP ENOUGH FOR DIANA.

‘Well, you’re a handsome creature, you have that in your favour’. WAS THAT A COMPLIMENT OR NOT MISS BARRY.

‘I wonder if we could think of something else to do, instead of just talking?’ EXCUSE ME MISS DIANA BARRY. BUT YOU CONTINUE TO BE THE BOLDEST GIRL IN AVONLEA.

OH NO, JERRY IS SAD.

WHAT’S GOING ON WITH DIANA AND JERRY.

ARE THEY NOT COMPATIBLE?????

‘This is not about the newspaper. This is about men being uncomfortable with woman. With mondernity itself’. YES MISS STACEY. YOU GO MISS STACEY.

YES. FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

‘I reckon you’ve heard from about enough men on this topic’. MATTHEW. PURE SWEET ANGEL. THE ONLY MAN I TRUST.

OH NO. HERE COMES ANNE’S BREAKDOWN.

AT LEAST MATTHEW DIDN’T DIE.

THE STORYCLUB. OH THE FEELS.

“W.R.I.T (We rest in truth)”

THE FEELINGS.

I HAVE TOO MANY FEELINGS.

OH MY EMOTIONS.

YES GILBERT.

STICK UP FOR YOUR WIFE.

YES GILBERT.

YES.

YES GILBERT.

MY SON

MYYYYYYYYYYYYY SOOOOOOOOON.

LOOK AT MY SON.

PRIDE IS NOT THE WORD I’M LOOKING FOR.

THERE IS SO MUCH MORE INSIDE ME NOW.

LOOK AT HIM.

HE’S SO PROUD.

READING HIS WIFE’S ARTICLE.

‘You know she’d stand up for any one of you, even despite what you’re saying about her. She’d do what was right. That’s who she really is’. OH I’M GOING TO CRY.

YES. LOVE AND APPRECIATE HER. MY DAUGHTER DESERVES THE WORLD.

Guys, what it going on with Diana and Jerry? Are they just not compatible beyond attraction?? What are the writers trying to tell us??????

YES PRISSY, GET YOUR INHERITANCE.

YOU’RE THE OLDEST AND THE BRIGHTEST AND MOST ESPECIALLY THE WISEST.

Uh, I’m sorry about your father Prissy, truly I am.

You deserve so much more.

SHIRBERT AHHHH.

WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH DIANA??

WHAT??

TELL ME!!

Yes Anne, now that’s a beautiful apology!!

‘No one but you is allowed to dictate what you’re worth’.

JOSIE STILL BE JOSIE.

GUYS, JERRY IS ASKING ANNE FOR DATING ADVICE.

DIDN’T WE ASK FOR THIS???

YEAH BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYY.

‘She seems to like the kissing part but not the part where we talk’. I’M GOING TO CRY. MY POOR BABY. ‘It makes me feel like I’m not good enough’. I’M GOING TO CRRRRRYYYYYYY.

When is Anne going to click????

‘I have never heard you humble yourself like this. It sounds like she’s degrading you’. OH SHOOT. ‘Frankly, she doesn’t sound like a very nice person’.YIKES.

YIIIIIIIKKKES.

WHO’S GONNA TELL HER????

‘DIANA? YOU AND DIANA?’

‘SHE DIDN’T TELL YOU? YOU SEE, SHE’S ASHAMED TO BE WITH ME!’

WOW.

THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY.

I MEAN THAT REALLY GOT OUT OF HAND FAST.

Can’t believe Jerry called Diana “his girl” tho

Sorry for going off topic.

Yes Josie, take those rags out!

OH NO.

BILLY.

‘I like you. I mean, I still like you’.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

ARE THEY TRYING TO TELL ME THAT HE’S CHANGED.

BECAUSE I DON’T BELIEVE THEM.

‘I liked you too’. YES JOSIE. YES GIRL. THAT’S MY GIRL.

‘I can fix this. Want me to fix this?’ EW PLEASE GO AWAY.

‘I don’t want anything from you’. YES. I’M SO PROUD. ‘Least of all redemption’, MIC DROP.

DIANA IS HERE.

HERE WE GO.

HERE WE GO GUYS.

‘Who are you here to see. Me or Jerry?’

I’M HERE FOR THIS DRAMA.

‘It doesn’t mean anything’.

EXCUSE ME MISS BARRY.

‘How can kissing someone repeatedly not mean anything?”

‘I don’t know. I thought the kisses meant something, but then they didn’t, but then I didn’t want them to stop’.

I KNEW SOMETHING WAS UP.

I KNEW IT.

I KNEEEEEWWW IT.

‘Yesterday, Jerry came to talk to me about a girl who was being cruel. Never in a million years did I think he was describing my truest friend. Who are you?’

‘I’m still me!’

NO I’M NOT HERE FOR THIS DRAMA.

I TAKE IT BACK.

I WANT THIS TO STOP.

‘I promise you. I should have never gotten involved with him. It’s ridiculous’.

OH THE ANGST IS UNBEARABLE.

‘I guess I’ve never been good enough for you either’.

‘Don’t. you. dare’.

YA’LL

PLEASE SAY SIKE.

‘If you were my friend you’d understand’.

THE LOCKETS. SHE RIPPED HER LOCKET.

NO.

NOOOOOOOOOO.

PLEASE SAY SIKE.

THIS ISN’T HAPPENING.

NO.

PLEASE.

NOT THIS.

I’LL TAKE A GILBERT AND WINNIE KISS.

GILBERT AND WINNIE CAN GO GET MARRIED AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER I DON’T CARE.

NOT THIS.

NOT MY DAUGHTERS.

PLEASE.

That dowry is yours Prissy. GET IT.

JANE WHY. WE WERE ROOTING FOR YOU. WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU.

‘Have faith, just a suggestion, not telling you what to do’. GILBERT.

If Dianne don’t make up by the end of this ep I will riot.

YES PRISSY.

I DON’T WANT SHIRBERT IF I CAN’T HAVE DIANNE.

I DON’T WANT IT.

MY DAUGHTERS.

I’M SO DEVASTATED.

THE WRITERS CAN MARRY GILBERT OFF TO WINNIE IDEC ANYMORE.

WHERE ARE MY DAUGHTERS.

GIVE ME BACK MY DAUGHTERS.

YES ANNE.

MATTHEW IS LOVING THIS.

YES JOSIE.

THEY’RE HOLDING HANDS.

THIS IS THE MOST BADASS THING EVER.

THE PHOTO.

GILBERT RIPPING THE SUGGESTIONS.

AMAZING.

‘They’re not children. And they’re not out of control’.

JOSIE IS SMILING AT ANNE, MY HEART.

OH GILBERT.

HE HAS THAT SEASON 1 LOOK AGAIN.

THIS SHIRBERT MOMENT.

THIS MOMENT.

‘After all these years, who would have thought we’d make such a good T-E-A-M’.

STOP.

IT’S TOO MUCH.

WHAT AN ICONIC LINE.

IT’S SO SHIRBERT.

KISS.

KISS HER NOW.

KISS.

‘Winifred is a lucky gal’.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ANNE NO.

NOOOOOOOOOOOO.

GILBERT, HOW ARE YOU SO CLUELESS.

THEY’RE STEALING THE PRINTING PRESS.

NO.

THE CIGARETTE.

THE SCHOOLHOUSE IS GONNA BURN DOWN.

GUYS.

THAT EPISODE.

I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO THINK.

HELP.

DIANNE.

MY DAUGHTERS.

HELP.

#anna watches anne #3x07 #awae #anne with an e #anne #awae spoilers #anne with an e spoilers #anne spoilers #long post

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petrichormeraki · 4 years

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TMA EPISODE 161 LIVEBLOG

(This is gonna be a VERY long post so apologies in advance)

Spotify loading

Oh god this is gonna fucking hurt

WHY IS THE LOGO DIFFERENT

Thank you for the disclaimer Alex

I know the apocolypse wasn't planned irl

"We hope you enjoy the final season of the Magnus Archives" oh god oh fuck oh fuck uyghuughhhh

Never thought I'd miss those spooky ass violins

Oh Jonathan we're really in it now

"Dwelling" fear.jpg

What's dwelling

I'm scared jonny

Oh god here we go

TIM????

SASHA?????????

NO NO NO OH MY GOD OH NOOOOO

THEY SURPRISED JON I

NOOOOOOOOOOOO

IT'S FOR JON'S BIRTHDAY

NOOOOOOOO OH MY GODDD

"Double boss"

ELIAS GET YOUR MOTHERFUCKING ALL SEEING STANKY ASS OUT OF MY FUCKING FICTIONAL COMFORT BIRTHDAY PARTY BEFORE I RIP YOUR THROAT OUT YOU SMUG LITTLE COCKROACH

I hate him

I hate him so much

"It's good to see you" STOP IT STOP IIIIIT

Jon's 38?

Oh I guess not

Wait Sasha WHAT

Jon you sound mighty uncomfortable what's in your records

ELIAS YOU DON'T DESERVE FUCKING CAKE YOU BASTARD

They're singing happy birthday I--

Jon sounds so goddamn awkward you poor boy

I wonder what cake he likes

ELIAS I FUCKING HEARD YOU CALL HIM THE ARCHIVIST YOU MOTHERFUCKING SLIMY RAT I HATE YOU

Tim you little shit

Tim I miss you so much

Jon have you ever had a birthday party in your life

"Wine?" "It's 11 in the morning."

ELIAS DON'T STAY

I HATE YOUR BLACK SLIMY GUTS YOU FUCKING BITCH

GET OUT

Martin doesn't drink? Interesting

"I thought it would be something nice to look back on when we're all old and sick of each other" oooohggghhghhhhhhhhhhhh

no please don't turn it off

no please

tIM'S GENUINE LAUGH IM--

Oh we're back in the present aren't we

"Are you listening to the tapes again?" 'aGAIN' HE DOES THIS OFTEN OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"Gloating" I hate him. I hate him so fucking much how dare you play with their grief how fuCKING DARE YOU

ELIAS I WILL RIP YOUR BODY TO SHREDS

NO MARTIN'S RIGHT. NOT ELIAS

I'M COMING FOR YOU JONAH

"I don't really like to think of him" god same Martin

"I don't think I do anymore" no no no no no no

Jon I'm so fucking worried about you

"I couldn't wake you" oh god he was trapped in his nightmares oh noooooo

"You didn't open the curtains did you" Martin you. You know who the Eye is right

Martin I love your undying optimism I love you

Thank you for trying so hard

"It doesn't want to harm me." "And me?" *fucking INSTANTLY* "I won't let it."

gOD

"Thanks?" Martin goddammit of course he would protect you Jesus

Jon stop

Please

Please stop beating yourself up I can't take it

Yes Martin thank you

Is anyone still alive? Other than them

God part of me hopes so but the other part hopes they were allowed to die peacefully

Gertrude tape?

Oh fuck

Gertrude why do you pronounce "archivist" like that

GERTRUDE WANTED SASHA?? HOLY SHIT???

"For some reason" hm. Yea I wonder

These blasts to the past are. So bittersweet

I hate knowing what I know I wish I could just enjoy it

Gertrude's making me nervous

I can't get over Sasha was Gertrude's choice

Damn she's not fucking around huh

I wish Jon got this tape. God I wish he did

This is actually all we've learned put in words I'm a bit stunned at it

Gertrude's voice is really calming though??

God I wish Jon got this tape

This would prevent so much tradegy

SHE KEPT IT UNORGANIZED ON PURPOSE

OH MY GOD

IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE

How long has Gertrude been the archivist? I wonder

Wait that means Sasha knew Gertrude

Or the other way around

Hi Jurgen bitch ass

Why is Gertrude moving pipes??

Is this about way back in s1 with Prentiss?

Oh my god

This is right before her death

"Dwelling" ha

Jon you drama queen just shut up

There's no use

"wallow" god daisy used to say that too

I hope she's okay

jON WGAT THE FUCK

YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THINGS LIKE THAT

JESUS CHRIST

YEA YOU BETTER APOLOGIZE HOLY SHIT

Martin thank you for being so patient with him

"What about it" Jon we know you aren't human anymore Jesus

Wait wh

Martin doesn't need to eat either??

Oh this is much worse than I thought it would be

Oh no

YES MARTIN SAVE THE WORLD

I can't handle Jon's tone

He sounds so

Afraid

wAIT HE SAID I LOVE YOU

HE FUCKING SAID I LOVE YOU

PAUSE

JON YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT IN PASSING

OH MY GODDD

THANK YOU JONNY

Martin say it back please

Well baby steps

What can time do Jon

oh no oh no oh no oh no

tapes mean something's coming

Fellas I'm not ready for what's next

#that was a HELL of a ride jesus fuck #the magnus archives #meraki post #it's the end of the world #tma liveblog

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bibitchenergy · 6 years

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noooooooooooo i was already developing a crush on you i didnt know you were so pretty nooooooooooooooooo

omg what i’m not worthy

#thank u 😭#gabs answers #anonymous

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quantifierrasing · 6 years

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NEIN

NOOOOOOOOOOOO

Нет нет нет

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Nooonn

#nein #no #oh god #this is me unable to cry #a fictional character just got stabbed in the back by his best friend #i am so hurt #i did not expect that #please #ghastly come back

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lady-alayne · 7 years

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Game of Thrones: An Angry Recap

Season 7 Episode 3: The Queen's Justice

(a little late this week, as I moved to another country yesterday, but next week I'll be on time)

Dragonstone:

It turns out when Melisandre resurrected Jon Snow, she also gave him the power of super speed. Remember when entire episodes were dedicated to a person traveling? Ah, good times. OH AND REMEMBER HOW ARYA IS NOT IN THIS EPISODE BECAUSE SHE IS CURRENTLY TRAVELING A DISTANCE ABOUT ONE THIRD OF THE DISTANCE JON AND DAVOS HAVE TRAVELED OVERNIGHT?!?!?!?! This show doesn't even have continuity in one single episode, let alone over the course of several seasons. Gah.

Speaking of continuity! Davos is super mad a little distraught kind of pissed — I don't know. What exactly is Davos? His sons died in the Battle of the Blackwater, and Tyrion not only fought on the other side, he was responsible for the wildfire plot... But YOLO, I guess? Team Dany and the power of love, y'all.

Missandei, who, as we learn, is the Queen's Most Trusted Advisor (on the gender of high Valyrian nouns), smartly dodges Davos's attempt at small talk and keeps her cards close to her chest, not mentioning her slave background. As the team makes their way up to the castle a dragon flies overhead dramatically, and the CGI budget for this episode is blown. This is why we can't have direwolves, people. RIP Shaggy and Summer.

And then it happens, the moment we have all been waiting for: Jon meets Dany for the first time! After an, I must begrudgingly admit, funny introduction scene (go Davos!), the two royals talk. Unfortunatley they don't really hit it off, as Jon refuses to bend the knee and call her queen, even though the last King in the North, Torrhen Stark, totally swore fealty to House Targaryen for, like, ever. Everyone agrees. Seriously??? WHAT WAS ROBB STARK???? BARISTA IN THE NORTH??? JON YOUR BROTHER OR COUSIN OR WHATEVER DID NOT DIE FOR YOU TO STAND THERE AND TELL EVERYONE “Uh, yes, Torrhen was the last King in the North.”

Jon then gloomily recites his House words – Winter is coming – and adds that this time Winter comes with some friends, who are looking forward to killing everyone. Dany does not believe him. And why would she? She has never experienced anything supernatural! Except when she used bloodmagic to save her husband's life. Or when she did not burn. Or when he dragons were born. Or that whole Qarth business. Or the second time she did not burn. But yeah other than that, nothing much supernatural going on in her life.

Davos then breaks into a passionate monologue he copy/pasted from reddit about Jon and why he's awesome, but is stopped before he can talk about the Jon dying and coming back to life bit. Apparently resurrected people are looked down upon in Westeros? I wonder if Jon and Ser Gregor are pen pals, they could probably really support each other during these times.

Dany is not moved though, and breaks into the “My rape and abuse have only made me stronger” monologue (TM). NO. NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. D&D, you fucking straight white men. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND PURE STOP PORTRAYING RAPE AND SEXUALIZED ABUSE AND EXPOLITATION AS THE ULTIMATE AND ONLY WAY FOR WOMEN TO GROW. I CAN'T ENDURE THIS BULLSHIT ANY LONGER. I CAN'T. SEVEN SAVE ME. NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

I have to say though, I find it very strange that Dany so openly speaks about her rape, given how she later fell in love with her rapist and he became her Sun and Stars and everything. One would assume that a) Dany doesn't mention it or b) D&D logic dictates that it's not rape, because, um, consent after the fact or something. But oh well, anything that makes us remember GoT has rape! Whoa!

***

Meanwhile, on a dramatic cliff, Melisande and Varys don't like each other. Mel is fearing Jon and Davos wouldn't be too happy to see her because of “terrible mistakes” she made. I assume she was talking about Shireen here? Don't worry, Mel! If Davos has forgiven Tyrion for the Battle of the Blackwater, I'm sure he won't hold the burning of an innocent child against you.

Varys wants Mel to go far away, which she has already announced she would. But Varys doesn't really believe her... Psychological warfare, I guess? “Oh, Mel, Volantis is SO BEAUTIFUL! It's always sunny and the people are happy and it always smells so good! I hope you won't leave this sad, grey, pathetic fortress that reminds you of your sad, sad history with Stannis to go there! It would make me really sad if you left us, by the way, the next plane leaves at five. Also, if you come back you will probably die.”

“That works for me,” responds Melisandre in true badassery, “because I have to die here, anyway. And so do you! Mel out!” And she leaves him speechless. Way to shut up the haters, Mel! You're my new heroine.

***

A few hours/days/weeks (who can tell? Time has lost all meaning) later, Jon is moping about kind of being Dany's prisoner. Tyrion swoops in and once more saves the day by REMINDING Jon that he should ask Dany for the Dragonglass, even though Tyrion himself did not know about the Dragonglass. But that's Tyrion, he knows everything, he's the awesomest person ever, and his quips look super good on a T-Shirt, so the writers favor him above all else. Let the wanking over Tyrion continue.

So Jon asks Dany for the Dragonglass, who tells him to get to work. Wait, did Dany expect Jon to mine all by himself? Possibly while singing a funny song? He is not a Disney character, Dany!

King's Landing:

Euron brings Cersei her gift—Asha, Ellaria, and Ellaria's daughter (Ellorio? Alleria? Airalle? Why bother with names at this point). The people of King's Landing stand all over the city and cheer, which makes me wonder how they knew Euron was coming. Was this a scheduled event? Like, “Next Tuesday: Return of the prisoners. Bring your own rotten fruit. Standing room only. / Next Friday: The Fleabottom Book Club Reads the Seven-Pointed Star.”

While delivering his gift, Euron does not fail to remind us that Cersei is a woman and may therefore be penetrated in all holes because... that's what women are there for? SERIOUSLY??? I CAN'T WITH THIS SHOW. STOP IT WITH THE OBJECTIFICATION OF WOMEN. NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THAT. UUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH.

Cersei has an evil plan all hatched and ready, and kills Ellaria's daughter in the same way Ellaria killed Cersei's daughter. You have to hand it to her, Cersei's got style. At least she did not bake Ellaria's daughter into a pie. Probably because she does not know that trick with the butter!

That scene was my favorite scene in the episode though. Lena Heady and Indira Varma are brilliant actresses; Cersei's sick pleasure in all of this was vivid and scary, and Ellaria's desperate struggle moved me to tears.

I feel myself rooting for Cersei more and more with each episode. She's a really, really bad person, but she's SO GOOD at being bad. She's probably the only person who truly enjoys herself at the moment, and for that she has my respect.

Winterfell:

Sansa is ruling the North like a true badass, and she's good at it! That, or she's mediocre at best, and everyone else is just reall, REALLY stupid. A maester who does not know the longest winter in the last 100 years?????? Seriously?!?!?! And an armorer who does not know how to insulate breastplates??? In what world would an armorer not know how to insulate breastplates, but Sansa Stark knows? WHERE WOULD SHE HAVE LEARNED?!?!?! She never showed the slightest interest in warfare while she was growing up, and then she moved to King's Landing, where I doubt she had long discussions with armorers, and even if, they probably would not have told her about insulation because, you know, King's Landing is not in the North??? And I cannot imagine Ramsay let Sansa learn about breastplates and stuff while he wasn't raping her. GRRRR!!! I get that D&D want to make Sansa badass and smart and give her agency and YAAAASSS QUEEN FINALLY, but come on, they don't find ways to make Sansa look smart without making everyone super dumb?

Apparently not, because Sansa also knows AS MUCH, IF NOT MORE about Cersei as Petyr, A MAN WHO HAS LIVED IN THE CAPITAL FOR 10+ YEARS AND WHO IS ONE OF THE SMARTEST MEN IN THE SHOW (until he miraculously became stupid in season 5 and really, really stupid in season 7).

But there's a glimmer of old Littlefinger still in him, and he treats us to one of his “Always be scheming” monologues. I can only hope HE is scheming as well, but then he would be smarter than D&D together, so that probably can't be.

And then we have Stark Reunion #2, and Bran is back, and he is..... super creepy??? “Hey sister, you were really hot the night you were raped,” he tells Sansa, who suddenly remembers she has to do something. “What do you have to do?” Bran calls after her, and Sansa responds, “Uh, leave.”

Let's hope those two will warm up a bit.

The Citadel:

ARE YOU KIDDING ME. SAM HAS HEALED JORAH COMPLETELY AND IT TOOK HIM LIKE ONE NIGHT???????????????????? AND THEN JORAH IS FREE TO GO?!?!?!?!?! THEY DON'T WANT TO KEEP HIM TO, YOU KNOW, OBSERVE HIM OR WAIT IF THE GREYSCALE WILL COME BACK????????

WHAT EVEN WAS THE POINT OF JORAH HAVING GREYSCALE IN THE FIRST PLACE?!?!?!?!?

AND IT REALLY WAS THAT SIMPLE?!?!?!?!?!? JUST SCRAPE OFF THE SKIN?!?!?!?! IN THOUSANDS OF YEARS, NO ONE FOUND THIS SIMPLE AND INSTANTLY SUCCESSFUL PROCEDURE WORTH REVISITING AND IMPROVING UPON?!?!?!?!?!?!

“Dear patient, you have greyscale. I have good news and bad news! The good news is, there is a cure! The bad news is, it's a bit dangerous, and no one really wants to risk it, so we won't cure you. Off to the stone men with you! Bye!”

Casterly Rock/Highgarden:

To finally get even with his Dad, Tyrion has the Unsullied take Casterly Rock, which TYWIN BUILT???????? So.... who were the CASTERLYS, then??? Tywin's favorite piano teacher growing up???

We also learn that Tyrion BUILT THE SEWERS, which means he had maximum 10 years to design an intricate system, hew it into stone, and shuttle his prostitutes through. That sounds super plausible. Grey Worm and ten good men (TM) use those sewers then to take the rock. Remember when Ramsay needed twenty good men (TM) to burn Stannis' camp? Does that mean Tyrion is twice as smart as Ramsay?

But, oh no, almost no one is there, because Jaime took all the Lannisters (does that include Ed Sheeran) and took Highgarden, which was easy because THE HOUSE OF LORAS TYRELL,THE WARDENS OF THE SOUTH, AND THE RULERS OF THE REACH, THE HOUSE THAT WON THE BATTLE OF THE BLACKWATER, aren't good fighters. OH GOD. I can feel my brain cells dying in protest.

Jaime and Olenna have one last battle of words before Olenna drinks poison to save herself from this crap. I understand you, Olenna, I understand you. And another really awesome character is gone to make more room for Emilia Clarke and her stilted monologues. Do you have any more of that poison, Olenna?

#game of thrones #got recap #got an angry recap #anti d&d #got season 7

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