#i am so hurt

[1moremilgram-enjoyer]

It's eight in the fucking morning in my time zone Amane why

(T2) Q9: What does love mean to you?

Who asked that?! You knew it was going to go horrendously wrong! You had to have known how much emotional pain Amane would inflict by answering this!

Amane: To spread mercy without limits

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[Magic] But it’s not scary at all, because it’s love I can really think it’s great. See isn’t it a great thing?

"It" being, you know, getting punished and tortured.

Mercy. It's mercy. Being judged. Being punished. Because she's weak and sinful and horrible and an Animal and-

[Magic] Only if, only if, only if I could be a good girl I hope, I hope everyone can be happy and smile Forever, forever together would be a dream

Because Amane doesn't deserve happiness, does she? She doesn't deserve a second chance or an opportunity to change, because she's awful and horrible and how dare she want to eat cake, how dare she show compassion and put a little napkin on a cat's leg, how dare she get something wrong and not be perfect at all times and how dare she not know exactly what the people who love her so so much don't want her to do. Come on, she's fucking 12, surely she shouldn't make any mistakes ever no matter what.

[Purge March] If you become a bad girl, monsters will come out This is the magic that stops that from happening

Can't you see how horrible she is? If she eats cake or goes to an amusement park or dares to be a child, then horrible horrible things will happen. She's so ruinous and corrupt and sinful, can't you see the damage she causes?

That's why it's mercy, you see? Because if they punish her and teach her how wrong she is for having any desires of her own ever, then she can change and be better and be a good girl! See, she's such a good girl! She doesn't even complain when she's electrocuted and drowned and beaten and- because she knows running away from pain is sinful and horrible and how dare she want to be safe and healthy, but by getting punished she can change and become better! She can reach paradise! She has to live like this, she needs to repent for her sins, because she can't bear the thought of having regrets when she dies because she's always so close she needs to be good and now because what if the next time they don't pull her head out of the water until her heart stops beating-

They could give up on her entirely and just put down this sick animal like a cat, but they don't! Because they love her! See, they're merciful! Because they haven't given up on the horrible monster that *gasp* put a napkin on a cat's leg! That can only mean they're being merciful. They still have hope she can discard her entire personality and become the perfect little girl who never does anything wrong.

And she loves them too, you know. That's why she needs to show them when they're wrong. That way their souls can be saved. She can't hate, because hating someone is selfish and horrible and she doesn't deserve the ability to hate. To not punish them would be giving up on them, that wouldn't be very merciful, would it? So she needs to show them when they did something wrong.

Her mother killed a cat, she broke the rules, she broke her vows. She wasn't strong enough to control her urges. So now Amane needs to show her mercy by accepting her weakness and fixing her. And oh, what's this? She's begging Amane to stop? That's weakness too, you know, you're not supposed to run away from punishment. So Amane will have mercy on her by punishing her for that, too.

Maybe once she stops moving, she'll go to heaven instead of hell like the sinful blasphemer unforgiving monster unrepentant sadist Amane hates her so much die die die disappear she is. Isn't Amane just so merciful?

I have so many more thoughts. I just- I can't, I can't put them in order right now. I probably got things wrong in this manifestation of my sadness, I don't have the mental power to think properly right now. She's just- Amane, audhgigcmNULÑkl m

[1eonsk]

my bf and bff went to see deadpool with their respective friend groups and no one even bothered asking if i wanted to go lol

[octoskeletons]

My heart aches so deeply

[seungbinbin]

DAY BAD 👎🏻

[midnight-coffee94]

No single line has ever wrecked me as hard as this one from the Good Place and I think about it constantly

[godjo]

fuck you blackbeard for real law my boy i will GET YOU OUT OF THERE TRUST

[hansolz-moved]

gaza has just been completely cut off from the world.

after increased intensity of israeli aistrikes tonight, the last cable providing communications was destroyed. telecommunications have been completely cut off. they cannot reach one another. they cannot reach paramedics. the red crescent society has completely lost contact with their branch in gaza. nobody inside can reach anyone inside, and especially not outside of gaza to tell us what is going on. this is a complete atrocity.

[greatbigstorm]

/ /

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[fromhisvoicemail]

missing you is forever, getting over you is not.

[nedlittle]

genuinely i think it's important for adults, especially in the plague times, to play pretend in our day-to-day lives. when i rub my back down with tiger balm so i can sleep without pain, i imagine i am a valiant knight tending to an old injury i received from a dragon. when i go to the store to pick up eggs and milk, i am a lone cowboy riding into town on a mission. when i turn my collar up against the wind i am a femme fatale who's killed 4 husbands and is scoping out a 5th. when i stomp around in the snow i am a doomed polar explorer. if being a little bit silly about my walk to the pharmacy helps me remember that life can be full of joy and whimsy, then so be it.

[human-rodent-king]

Sometimes, my entire body will start to hurt, a thudding pain through my limbs like what one could only describe as someone hammering their bones from the inside out.

This type of adrenaline rush is rare, only happening when I'm the most excited.

So naturally, it keeps happening when I'm around you.

[ancient-reverie]

a moment of silence for all us disabled ones who had to watch each of their friends move on with their lives without you and get jobs, go to school, have partners come and go, get engaged and move house etc.

shout out to my fellow struggling people who are still sitting in the same bedroom they grew up in. the ones who can't get a job, can't make new friends, can't find a partner or partners, can't move house and can't go to school.

I hope one day we can all find someone to at least sit with us in our rooms. I see you and I understand... and I'm sorry we can't be that person for each other

[bixels]

Just gonna have to wait and see, right? Just wait and see! Just gotta wait and see! Who knows, we'll just have to wait and see! It's anybody's guess, we'll just have to wait and see! The future is exciting, we just gotta wait and see!

[dapper-lil-arts]

Happy pride from the changeling kingdom

[sunlit-mess]