#NOT EVEN THE CURLS COULD BE SAVED I HAD TO PORTRAY MYSELF AS STRAIGHT HAIRED FOR WHATEVER REASON

[thedrotter]

filler doodles about how i comedically whitewashed myself as a child (despite also being the darkest i had and still have ever been in my entire life) because i cannot wrap my head around it

[rexsjaigeyes]

The Apology

Din Djarin x female reader | NSFW, 18+

Words: 1.3k

Warnings: blowjob, mentions deepthroating, cum swallowing, and Din touches you with his gloves on

A/N: This is an old, unrecommended fic but it’s here if you want to read this mess.

“Mando, let go of me!” You kicked and punched his hard armor, recoiling a bit from how painful it was.

The Mandalorian had you thrown over his shoulder as he strode towards the Razor Crest. He stayed silent, but you knew underneath his helmet he was fuming.

Slumping your body, you stopped struggling and let out an exasperated sigh. “I had it under control, alright? You didn’t need to–”

“Under control? That Rodian almost shot you.” He said in a low voice, and you imagined him rolling his eyes as he jammed the buttons to open the ship’s ramp.

Once inside, he took you off his shoulder and pulled you down to sit on his cot. His strong hands kept you in place while he looked all over your body for any injuries. You tried to swat his hands away but that only made him hold you tighter.

“Yeah, he almost shot me. I’m fine, Mando!”

“If I hadn’t stepped in front of you and taken that hit in the beskar, you’d be dead.” His tone was no-nonsense, and you could sense that you had really gotten on his nerves.

Tilting your head at him questioningly, you wondered aloud, “Wow, I’ve really got you riled up, huh? Why are you so angry all of a sudden?” He didn’t answer, so you continued, poking him in the chest while you questioned him. “You didn’t seem to mind when those assholes were disrespecting you.”

That caught his attention, his helmet tilting to the side as he stared at you. “That’s why you started that fight?” His voice sounded lighter than usual, as if he was smirking at the realization that you might care for him more than you let on. “I can take care of myself. You should have ignored them.”

You scoffed, trying to play off what he said but unable to come up with a valid excuse. You didn’t want to tell him that you’d protect him no matter how tough he acted.

“I mean it. Don’t do anything like that again.” He wagged his finger at you as if you were a child, and you grimaced at how he was talking down to you.

“Or what, hm? Why do you even care so much?”

In an instant, he moved his helmet closer to your face and growled, “Because I don’t need to be saving your ass every five minutes.”

You smirked and tried to portray confidence even though your heart beat faster from how he caged you into the small cot, his hands on either side of your body.

“Oh is that it?” You teased him, sensing a shift in the air as you brushed your leg against his and bit your lip. “Are you sure it’s not because you have feelings for me?”

His body went rigid, but he didn’t pull away from your touch. You wondered if he was blushing under that shiny armor, the thought made you smile.

Batting your eyelashes innocently, you continued brushing your leg against his. “If I made you so upset, I guess an apology is in order.”

He didn’t respond, but a small head tilt from him told you the gears were turning in his head as he tried to understand what you were implying.

You cautiously brought your hand to his chest, sliding it down his cold breastplate languidly. You could hear his breath hitch slightly when you reached the front of his pants. Looking up at him, you waited to see if he would stop you before you pushed your palm against the bulge in his pants.

He muttered your name, but it sounded like he didn’t know whether to tell you to stop or keep going. “You know I can’t take–”

You interrupted him, knowing what he was about to say. “Who says you have to take the helmet or any of the other beskar off for what I’m proposing?”

You palmed his hardening dick through his pants and suggestively licked your lips, hoping his eyes were drawn to your mouth. A broken groan filtered through his helmet, but he didn’t say anything in response. You took that as a sign to keep going, so you slowly worked on pulling his pants away from his cock.

Feeling the weight of his throbbing length in your hand, you salivated and wondered what he tasted like. You pushed him back a little so that you could get off the cot and kneel on the floor in front of him.

“What are you doing?” His voice trembled slightly and he sounded nervous.

You looked up at him quizzically before realizing that this must have been the first time someone was offering to do this for him. You had no doubt he had been with others before, but it sounded like he had never done this particular act.

Deciding not to embarrass him, you didn’t question him and instead gave him a reassuring smile. “I’m apologizing.”

Without another word, you opened your mouth and swirled your tongue around the head of his cock. Your hand curled around the base and you pressed a kiss on his tip, causing him to grunt your name in surprise and grab a fistful of your hair.

You sucked the head of his cock into your mouth and looked up, staring straight into his visor. His helmet was tilted down at you, and a soft sigh escaped the modulator when you took more of his length in your mouth.

You released his tip for a moment and he leaned forward as if he was chasing your lips. Smiling at how needy he was, you licked a long stripe from tip to base and back again. His legs twitched on either side of you.

With his length slick from your saliva, you easily slid your hand around him. Working his tip into your mouth, you stroked the rest of him. With each flick of your wrist, his breathing became heavier. His gravelly moans and grunts sent sparks of pleasure straight to your core.

His hand in your hair tightened, and he gently pushed you deeper onto his cock, urging you to take more of him. You complied, hollowing your cheeks and pushing more of him inside your mouth until the tip hit the back of your throat.

Opening your jaw wider, you allowed him to feel like he was in control, his hips bucking up to meet your lips. You moaned around his cock, letting the vibrations run through him while your tongue massaged his length with each thrust.

His body shook as you continued deepthroating him, and through your eyelashes, you saw his head fall back slightly. Focusing on his pleasure, you bobbed your head faster now, enjoying how desperate he sounded. Through the static of his modulator, you heard him groan your name. “I’m close,” he warned before trying to pull away.

Eager to please him, you grabbed his hip with one hand and kept him in place. You whined around his cock and looked up at him with pleading eyes, telling him that you wanted him to cum in your mouth.

He moaned your name through gritted teeth and came undone. You lapped up all his cum and swallowed while looking up at him. His sighs crackled through the helmet and you sucked on his sensitive tip, enjoying the way his knees buckled from the feeling.

Letting go of his cock with a ‘pop’, you licked your lips and rubbed your hands up and down his thighs. Both of you took a moment to catch your breath, and Mando stroked your hair as a silent “thank you.”

You smiled at him and got up from the floor so that you could sit on the cot. “So… do you forgive me?” You wiped the corners of your mouth in an act of innocence.

“I don’t know,” he rasped and pulled his pants back over his cock.

Your smile dropped for a moment, thinking he was still mad at you, but then he invaded your personal space yet again. He knelt in front of you before sliding his hands up your thighs. Your breathing quickened, and you gasped when he pushed one hand into the waistband of your pants.

As the leather of his gloved thumb brushed against your clit, he muttered, “You’ll have to do some more convincing.”

------------

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[treeni]

A Lifetime of Love

Day 5 - Any intense emotions your soulmate feels you will also experience.

Logicality

Wordcount: 4524

TW: Mentions of death emotionally affecting characters.

Summary: Logan has felt his soulmate’s love nearly all his life. He just didn’t realize it until that love turned into heartbreak.

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taglist: @tsshipmonth2020

Why does Logan’s soulmate feel so much?

It was a near constant struggle for him as he had to deal with strong waves of intense ups and downs. He would almost use the idiom “extra” to describe it. The whole ordeal was borderline debilitating Logan’s ability to keep his focus.

He could not see a reason that anyone needed to feel so strongly.

Logan took a deep breath to try and calm a racing heart that was out of his control and pushed his coffee away with a frown. This menace needed to be stopped. How could he work like this? How could he attend to his patients?

He felt the cardiac quickening still and groaned. If it did not slow soon he was figuratively certain that someone would need to call a crash cart.

Maybe literally certain.

It was too be seen.

“Hey doc!” A cheery voice said to his left just as he heard the telling ‘clunk’ of a plastic tray hitting the table to reveal a face he recognized.

Scrubs. Curls. Light hair. Bracelets. Alto. Freckles. Vanilla. Smiles. Soft.

Friend.

Patton.

Nurse Patton. His mind reminded him as it instantly cycled through the immediate sensory details he most associated with his table mate.

Patton was a near constant source of smiles and warmth to those around him. He was a favorite among patients who would often come in even after their recovery to deliver tokens of appreciation and occasionally gifts that were more intimate. Logan could remember a particular nuisance who was overly forthcoming with their affections, to the point that Patton sometimes appeared uncomfortable. Sometimes Logan felt uncomfortable too just seeing the displays. The ward nearly had to dispose of a ridiculous number of roses when the man thought he was being romantic with a display that engulfed their waiting room in the flowers. It was a nuisance for the staff to deal with and potentially endangered the lives of anyone who needed life-saving emergency services at that moment, or anyone who was simply allergic to roses. Thankfully no one was harmed in the end. Instead, Patton showed his quiet brilliance when instead of tossing them all, he suggested instead to divvy them out to the hospital rooms to cheer up the patients. Many people expressed gratitude for the gesture and were generally more open to the medical suggestion of the hospital’s professionals. Though, Patton insisted he simply wanted to make people smile. Logan agreed that was probably the case.

Despite all of the good it did, Logan was not the least bit sorry to see that particular suitor leave.

“Doc? You okay?” the cheery voice asked and Logan blinked.

He had been been swept up in his thoughts.

“My demeanor and functioning is slightly less than satisfactory today,” Logan replied.

He didn’t quite understand the strange way Patton quirked his lips into a half smile, but Logan did understand that the small snort that Patton made was somehow at his expense.

“Feel like sharing with the class?” Patton asked, tilting his head to the side just so, the way he always did when he was really paying attention to what was being said.

“I do not believe that sharing my turmoil during my afternoon lecture would be appropriate.”

Patton snorted again and Logan found he didn’t mind when his shoulders shook with near-silent giggles. Even if it was at his expense.

Even on days when his soulmate bothered him with needless intense emotions, Patton always seemed to assuage the pesky feelings and replace them somehow as a bubble of joy settled into his chest that Logan was certain was all his own.

“I meant it as a turn of phrase doc,” Patton said with a toothy smile that Logan understood from experience was a show of his amusement. “What’s got you down?”

Logan squinted at Patton, trying to decide how best to approach the topic. The media always portrayed soulmates as endlessly beautiful, wonderful things and Logan just found the whole thing... absurd. However, he was not at all certain how Patton felt about the subject. He was an inherently emotional being, it was part of what made him such an effective nurse, being able to connect and empathize with the patients. However, it was also his downfall as Logan watched every failure... every death affect Patton on a personal level. Logan has held his friend many of times, exhausted and sobbing during the night shifts as another patient died in his hands. The empathetic nurse always handled losing children the worst.

Surely someone as emotionally driven as Patton would subscribe to the popular opinion of soulmates, would he not?

Logan was uncertain.

“I have found myself fatigued recently by my soulmate’s emotional turmoil,” Logan replied finally.

Many would consider such an admission blasphemy. Even if he was unsure of Patton’s feelings on the matter he was certain to find out now. Additionally... he trusted Patton to understand his intentions.

The nurse was perplexingly astute at understanding intentions.

Patton’s eyes were instantly blown wide as he sat up straight and pulled further away from Logan’s immediate personal bubble.

Maybe he would not understand after all.

Logan felt a pang of... something. He was not certain it was his own emotion, but the immediate disappointment running through his veins was palpable.

“It’s... it can’t be that bad can it?” Patton asked, with a small laugh with twiddling fingers that for Patton, signaled nervousness rather than the joy usually associated with laughter.

“I do not believe there is anything inherently wrong with them experiencing emotions,” Logan corrected, uncertain if emotions can even really be considered “bad.” He prescribed more to the ideology that it was a person’s actions that defined them, rather than their internal monologue. “It is just that I have found myself distracted by both the strength and range of emotions they have recently imparted onto me. It can be... difficult to concentrate with the physical symptoms that some of the emotions cause.”

“Mmmm,” Patton hummed in reply as an audible agreement. “Tell me about it.”

Patton moved slightly closer again, back to his position from before and placed his chin in his hand with the half-lidded gaze that meant he was considering the topic deeply. While he appreciated the thought Patton was putting into forming a response, Logan was more relieved that Patton had not abnegated their friendship the way he initially feared.

“Have you experienced anything similar with your soulmate?”

Fear, no... hesitation seemed to work its way into Patton’s expression as he met Logan’s eyes from underneath his lashes. The pair stared for several seconds, both doing their best to read the other. It was sometimes a struggle, Logan knew. He often found emotions difficult to understand, like a language he was inarticulate in. Reading Patton was... admittedly easier than most. The two spent so much time together that Logan had learned to understand many of his emotional signals, what small gestures and certain tones meant.

Logan would never admit it out loud, but his understanding of Patton’s expressions was so prevalent that he had started internally matching other people’s emotional reactions to his curly haired friend’s. It honestly helped his navigation of the unfamiliar territory.

Logan swore he could hear an ambulance siren alarming in his head when Patton looked away and murmured, “Sometimes they get angry.” while clutching his chest, just over his heart.

At first, he was uncertain how he should respond. Logan found himself experiencing an irrational desire to build walls around Patton. To create a space for him that he could curate and fill with all of the things that brought his friend joy, to protect him from such ugly emotions and particularly protect him from such an undeserving soulmate. Logan was certain that someone as patient and good as Patton deserved to feel nothing but emotions that were as equivalently kind and soft as he was.

Logan knew such a feat was impossible though. Patton would never realistically be happy in such a state. He loved the world, no matter how barbarous and unkind it could be. Patton strived to make it a more benevolent place and his presance alone made his goal a continually successful one.

Logan found himself reaching for Patton’s hand unthinkingly, a mimicry of a gesture Logan had seen the curly haired man used to console his patients.

“Are you safe?” He asked in a low, murmur. He was uncertain who Patton’s soulmate was, or where they might be, but he had to be certain that his friend was in no danger. Logan was more than willing to act as a metaphorical shield to help him reach safety should the man require it.

A literal one too.

Patton was giggling at his expense again.

It was an unexpected and yet somehow favorable outcome of the conversation.

Only when it was him though.

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing so dramatic. No danger on my end, I live alone. No partner or anything. Not even a house cat.” Patton admitted, and patted the hand Logan offered him. It seemed to be some sort of consolation for his efforts. “I just worry about them sometimes, ya know?”

Well... no he did not.

He had not even considered applying concern to the disembodied entity that plagued him with unwarranted emotions. Instead, his immediate reaction had been mainly ire. Logan was diligent with his work and often took on additional duties at the hospital while maintaining several personal projects. Logan’s main focus had been on how his soulmate’s emotions had interfered in his ability to effectively complete everything he intended.

Perhaps that was the wrong perspective to take.

Logan had not even contemplated why the person he was spiritually bound to was feeling the things they did before that point. Patton truly was remarkably astute in many ways that were out of Logan’s reach. His friend always seemed to find a perspective on things that he did not initially entertain. It was quite an admirable quality.

A soft beeping noise interrupted Logan’s thought process as the pair both immediately checked their pagers.

“Well, that’s my cue I guess,” Patton said and cast his uneaten meal a longing gaze as he pushed himself up from his seat. Patton gently hip-bumped Logan’s side affectionately before taking his tray to the disposal and dumping the various items into the most appropriate containers.

That would not do.

Logan and Patton’s occupations were both difficult enough when they were working at their best. Patton did not need the strain of a missed meal impairing his professional ability and physical condition. Logan mentally added the task of procuring Patton a meal to his mental to-do list. Something that could be consumed without inhibiting his duties. Perhaps a smoothie that could be kept at the nurses station?

Logan’s eyes wandered to the nearest wall clock as he considered his options, but realized that he too needed to be on his way. He barely had time to retrieve his annotated materials before the lecture that was meant to present in less than a quarter hour. He rose without hesitation and took long strides to quicken his pace as he headed toward his office.

“-in conclusion, this medication, though still in the experimental phase is predicted to decrease the symptoms of both conventional insomnia, that a great proportion of adults suffer from, but also lessen the affects of fatal familial insomnia. Though the condition may be rare, before now modern science has had very little to be able to treat the disorder with effectively. If testing goes as predicted, we will finally be able to offer those suffering it a small respite from their symptoms.”

Logan completed his lecture and clicked the universal remote in his hand a final time to turn off the smart board that displayed his power-point and reignite the room’s lights in turn. Logan let himself smile in appreciation as the room’s occupants clapped a bit more enthusiastically than what would be qualified as simple politeness. They truly seemed to be enthused by his work and Logan was relieved to not be the only one.

“Questions?” Logan asked as the room began to quiet down and immediately several hands shot up.

However, Logan’s eyes widened slightly as he felt something bubbling in his chest. It was something foreign, something that did not belong to him.

Oh no.

A desperate laugh exploded out of mouth without his permission as the entire room looked on with bewilderment. Logan doubled over as several more hysterical laughs followed. He tried to repress it, to force himself to stop, but he could not quite hold back the near spastic convulsions as grating shrieks escaped his throat.

When it finally subsided, he took several deep breaths to try and regain his bearing. Instantly he stood straight with squared shoulders, trying to recover the serious atmosphere he had previously conducted with. One glance at his audience however proved that it would be of no use, they were all grinning at him with twinkling eyes. Some had shaking shoulders, others hid their mouths behind cupped palms and they were all laughing at him.

They were all laughing at him.

“Excuse my behavior,” Logan said and swallowed hard as his gaze drifted to the floor. “It seems my soulmate has suddenly found something immensely amusing.”

There were a few sniggers and guffaws that that response, though most tried to politely stifle their snickering.

They were all laughing at him.

“I believe I need to extract myself while they resettle, so I will conclude this lecture here. Please direct any of your unanswered inquiries to my email and I will respond at a later time.”

From there, Logan simply walked out without a glance in his audience’s direction or even parting word. His gaze stayed mainly trained on the wheel-worn tile as his feet automatically guided him on the route he knew so well, leading him straight to his personal office within the facility. He quickly slipped in and tucked the door closed behind him.

Then his clipboard was immediately flung across the room as he banged his back against the heavy wood of his door. He wanted to break something. He wanted some kind of physical stimulation that matched the fire burning inside of him. Logan’s mind flew through the images of himself turning over his office, leaving ripped papers, knocked over bookshelves, and even a broken desk chair in his wake to express the frustration that was entirely his own. However, he stopped himself, allowing his forearm to instead hit the solid wooden door only once.

The sting helped.

Then, all at once, his own wave of emotion subsided. He felt heavy and shaky at the knees. Logan leaned his weight more fully on the door for support as he slumped against it. He needed a moment.

Emotions were exhausting.

He was not certain how long he stayed against the door, seconds most likely, but it felt much longer. Logan was not truly ready to move, but he suddenly heard the faintest dripping noise and it consumed all of his attention as if there was nothing more important.

Oh.

He was crying.

Or more accurately his soulmate was, but he couldn’t fathom why.

They had just been so joyous mere moments ago. Unless-

Unless....

Was it possible they were crying because they felt his own lividity?

Logan tried wiping the tears away with a disposable tissue from the box on his desk. It proved to be a useless endeavor however as the tears refused to stop. He felt the full weight of grief expanding uncomfortably in his chest, putting pressure onto his lungs. He found he could only drag in short breaths that were barely sustainable for his respiratory system. He needed-

He needed...

He needed Patton.

Patton would know what to do.

After dabbing his eyes with the tissue one last time he slipped out the door, taking the short walk to Patton’s station. Logan kept his head down, hoping no one noticed the physical display of emotions that streamed down his cheeks.

When Logan made it to the counter of the nurses’ station, he relieved to see only Andy sitting at the ready, the only nurse who actually enjoyed working the night shift as far as Logan was aware. It was odd to see him on a Tuesday afternoon, but Logan would not complain about his fortune. Andy was unlikely to judge him. The young nurse barely had his feet in the door, but immediately took all of the oddity of medical professionalism in stride. He almost seemed to enjoy the full moons where the placebo effect drove in the results of all sorts of illogical and often insane behavior.

Andy glanced up and Logan the dark circles under his eyes looked more prominent somehow. He wordlessly pushed a box of tissues toward Logan.

The doctor ignored them.

“Where’s Patton?” Logan asked in low voice. There was no need to draw unnecessary attention.

Andy stared back blankly, but could not hide his eyes glancing down once instinctively.

Logan leaned over the desk and found all of the air rapidly leave his lungs as if someone had hit him in the stomach at full speed with a gurney.

There was Patton, scrunched up on the floor beneath the desk in the fetal position. His glasses were crooked on his forehead as he bawled into his knees with an endless stream of tears running down his cheeks.

The very same tears running down Logan’s own cheeks.

He did this.

Logan fell to his knees and reached for him. He had to stop it. He had to help. He had to... he didn’t know what.

Something.

Logan attempted to place a hand on Patton’s knee as gesture of comfort, but it was as if lightning had suddenly struck Patton with the way he had jumped, cracking his head against the back of the desk.

Logan winced. He was certain that did not help Patton’s emotional state.

Patton gave Logan a miserable look as he tried shuffling away, curling further against the back of the desk that he was already leaned against as if Logan’s hand were some kind of predatory creature that was encroaching on his space.

Logan let his hand fall away.

Patton tucked his nose against his knees and stared up at Logan once again from beneath his lashes, but it was an expression that seemed eons away from mirth-filled nurse who had joined him jovially less than two hours before.

“I want...” Logan whispered, entwining his hands to stop himself from reaching for the soulmate who did not want to be touched, by him at least.

He wanted so many things in that moment. Forgiveness. Reassurance. Physical affection. Hope that the relationship could be salvaged. Patton.

He wanted Patton.

“...I want to apologize,” Logan said, pushing down all of those thoughts.

This was not about what he felt at the moment.

Then Logan caught sight of something that was not his to bear witness to.

In his mind’s eye he could see a child, chubby cheeks, unruly curls, and bright blue eyes behind round glasses that sat awkwardly because they were still the tiniest bit too large for such a young face. It was an image in a mirror. A figure sat behind the child in overalls as they worked a brush through the nearly blond hair that was yet to darken with age.

“Renny,” The child remarked, staring up at the adult’s reflection in the mirror. “How muss do I gosta feels so dey feels it?”

“A whole lot, my sweet little Pattycake,” the adult said, swooping down to bestow the child a series of kisses on their face in quick succession.

The child let out a joyful squeal and the adult used the child’s distraction to loop on a hair tie to form one half of the hair-style colloquially known as pigtails. The child smiled and turned slightly to enable the adult access to the other side.

“I wan’ dem be happy,” the child audibly decided as the adult continued their work.

“Well then,” the adult remarked, as they carefully worked a knot with their fingers to minimize the child’s discomfort. “you know what you gotta do right?”

“Wha’?!” they asked in a gasp, as if in a state of absolute wonderment. “Wha’ I godda do?!”

“You have to think of everything that makes you happy babydoll. Cookies, the afternoon sun, Mr. Ribbit who lives on your bed. You have to think of Mommy and Renny and how very very much we love you. You have to think of all the love that’s given to you and all the love you have to share. Then, when you start to feel warm, all the way down in your toes, hold onto that feeling okay? If you do that, they’ll feel it. I promise you Pattycake.”

The scene began to fade away just as the adult secured the second pigtail. However, Logan caught a stolen glimpse at the child and adult sharing a hug that was too sweet to be meant for his eyes. Too sweet to be bearable.

Then in one swift move Patton sprung forward, pushing past Logan’s form that was still crouched down and took off in a sprint.

Away from Logan.

Patton has successfully avoided Logan for a full week.

It was the worst week Logan could ever remember experiencing. He felt miserable. Patton felt miserable. They both felt miserable. Before that week, Logan had not realized exactly what Patton had done for him nearly his whole life.

Patton constantly shared an immense amount of love with Logan through their bond.

Patton made Logan feel supported, confident, complete, all things he hadn’t realized were even at stake until they were replaced with numbness. Nothing but a hollow pit that slowly ate away at his emotional state like an insatiable black hole. Other doctors took over many of his cases that week, assuming he was ill. He was even sent home early, twice.

There was virtually no sign of Patton. Even the few glimpses he managed to catch in his peripheral were short lived as he disappeared before Logan could even fully look his way. Each time left Logan’s chest aching. It was a shared feeling.

It did not help that Patton had the loyalty of the entire nursing staff and several doctors to help him in his endeavor to hide away. Logan even thought he saw the janitorial staff help him duck into a closet once.

However, when he questioned them on it, they unsurprisingly feigned ignorance.

Logan once thought he was well liked among the hospital staff, but nothing could have prepared him for how dearly loved that Patton was. Part of him was relieved that his soulmate had such a strong support system to defend him, to protect him. The other part of him was frustrated with his position as the one Patton was being protected from. They refused to give him a chance to apologize.

He needed to apologize.

He needed his friend back.

He needed to make things between them right again, to make them as they should be.

He needed to correct the situation so they could resume their relationship just as it was.

Or maybe even make it something potentially more.

He just needed the chance.

He needed to find a way to regain the comfort of Patton shooting him a reassuring smile across the hall whenever the stress of the job began to strain him because there was no sweeter balm to his strained nerves. Patton’s absence has both physically and emotionally pushed him into a state of stress that he was unaware he could even reach. He found himself craving his soulmate’s sweet reassurances, reassurances that he never realized he could be without.

He needed to make Patton smile again.

He needed to see Patton smile.

He needed Patton to smile.

He needed Patton.

It was his total lack of progress in crossing paths with Patton at work that had Logan entering the nurse’s apartment building as he took the steps of the stairwells two at a time. He held a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a box of freshly baked muffins in the other, a treat he knew Patton favored. Logan was quick on his feet and ascended to the fifth floor easily. He moved down the hall that hadn’t changed much since his last visit where he introduced Patton to some of his favorite podcasts while Patton taught him how to make shepherd’s pie.

Logan had visited the apartment several times before. However it felt... different somehow. He felt like he was an intrusive bacteria that was entering a foreign body, hurting it unwittingly. However, Logan internally reminded himself that he had no intention of causing his soulmate any further pain.

He just wanted to make things right.

Logan shifted his gifts into one arm and let his knuckles rapt against a white door three times in quick succession. Then he waited.

There was no answer.

Not one to give up easily, Logan simply repeated his actions.

There was still nothing.

He had intended to simply leave the gifts behind if this happened. He had intended to respect his space. However, the jittery feeling of stress dancing just beneath his skin found his hand reaching for the door handle in an invasion of privacy he had never intended to commit.

It was locked anyway.

Logan’s forehead slumped against the door.

“...I am sorry...” he whispered, probably to no one.

The flat was most likely unoccupied at the moment. It was illogical to stay, talking to an empty apartment.

Even foolish looking.

That did not stop him this time.

“Patton I... I did not know... I did not understand...I was an idiot.”

Still no response.

“Patton, when you entered my life, you quickly became one of the most important people in it before I even realized it happened. You bring so much elation into everything you do, you radiate joy as the sun radiates light. I feel blessed to even be able to orbit around your presance.”

Logan bit his bottom lip to ground himself before continuing.

“When I felt all of these new feelings from my soulmate I... I found myself frustrated with them. I thought.... Patton, I thought that it was not you.”

He swallowed.

“I wanted it to be you.”

There was something on the other side of the door. The faintest noise, like a breath or maybe a gasp? Logan closed his eyes, focusing on the advice the adult imparted in the memory that was not his own.

He focused on everything he knew, everything he felt, everything he wanted Patton to understand.

He only hoped that Patton could grasp it all.

Logan’s whole being felt overwhelmingly full of so so many emotions.

He finally wanted to know them all.

“I love you,” Logan found himself whispering to the unforgiving white door that separated him from everything he wanted.

That separated him from Patton.

There was a click as the door finally unlocked.

[metallic-roses]

Everything for You

(For this one I’m going to assume that Plumbeline is in her mid twenties during the recent events in Crown of Candy, and was around five when the Ravening War ended)

My dress drags on the stairs behind me as I walk down the stairs, my slippers silencing my feet on the marble. The manor is cold today, colder than usual, and I wrap my arms around myself.

My great grandmother’s old, creaky voice echoes through the foyer “Blienne, come here.” She summons and I obey.

“Coming Granmumma,” I reply, reminding myself not to run or rush.

Mother always tells me to be respectful, but elegant. To leap down the stairs, tripping over the skirt of the flowing dress I’m wearing, would most likely be the least elegant thing imaginable.

I enter the family room to see my great grandmother sitting on one of the couches, green hair in wild waves Mother would never allow one of the other family members to wear.

I perch myself on an armchair across from her “Good afternoon Granmumma.” I greet, and when she doesn’t respond I continue speaking “Oh, have you seen that beautiful comb that Father brought from the Meat Lands for me? I’ve been looking for it, I’d like to bring it-”

“The comb isn’t important.” Granmumma interrupts, green eyes distant “You should know that.”

I force a polite laugh. I think I know where this conversation is going “Well, not really, but I’d still like to have it. It’s the non-essential things that make life worth living, at least in my eyes.”

Granmumma’s hand snaps out to grasp mine, faster than I thought she was capable “The comb isn’t important, Blienne. Not to you and I. House Corymbos possesses the last of Fructera’s magic, you cannot continue to let your gift fade.”

“Granmumma you know we’re not supposed to talk about that-” I rush, but don’t pull my hand away. I don’t know why.

Granmumma waves her free hand and a coffee table lifts into the air. My words fade.

She turns back to me, eyes warm “Try, Blienne.” My great grandmother urges. I hesitate and Granmumma continues “I know you have the gift. As much as you deny it, as much as my granddaughter denies it. I know I shouldn’t have waited so long to push you.”

And I listen.

There’s always been that quiet song of magic in my blood. Ever since I was a child. I’ve been good at ignoring it for years.

But for the first time, I yield to that song. Let it envelop me, let myself fall into the magic.

Frozen smoothie begins to spread from me through the room, soft and slow. I stare at sight, watching the pastel pink spread through the room, glittering in the light. I reach down to the floor and brush my fingers over the new surface, ignoring the cold biting through my hand.

“It’s incredible,” I breath, a smile spreading across my face.

A harsh, angry voice cuts through the room “What the hell are you doing?!” Mother yells, storming through. The frozen smoothie cracks and shatters, fading into nothing in seconds. 

Dread creeps through me. I never should have done this, never should have entertained Granmumma. This is the opposite of what I’m supposed to do.

Mother turns on Granmumma “She’s leaving for Comida tomorrow! She’s going to be the youngest handmaiden to the Bulb-damned princess of Fructera, the daughter of the Concordant Emperor! Do you know how much work I’ve had to do to get Blienne that position? How much training I’ve had to give her to make sure she’ll be able to restore some of the glory to House Corymbos that you lost when you insisted on continuing to support magic, even when the Bulbian Church took power? I will not have you continuing to ruin this family. I will not have you putting my daughter in danger. Besides Brightgarden, Comida is the lion’s den for magic users. She will be hanged for witchcraft!”

Granmumma sits up straight, folding her hands in her lap. She hardly looks fazed “Magic is worth it, granddaughter. We are the last keepers-”

“I’m not listening to this,” Mother says, waving her hand dismissively. Her face is the angriest I’ve ever seen it “Blienne, go to bed. You have a long journey tomorrow.”

I nod, standing and brushing off my skirt “Yes Mother,” I reply and rush off, not looking back.

(Three years later)

I haven’t looked back at magic. Not since that day, not once.

I’ve done what Mother asks of me. Time and time again. I have been what my great grandmother should have been. Obedient and elegant and Bulb-worshipping.

The other handmaidens scoffed at me at first. I was young, part of a disgraced house, and it was clear that every coin my family had left was put into getting me here.  I let them scoff. I didn’t retaliate. No matter how much the magic within me begged to.

Two things made it worth it. 

The honor I’ve been bringing to my family, to my elder brother and younger siblings, to my parents. The future I’ve been giving them.

And Lady Plumbeline.

I loved her from the moment I saw her and I have continued to love her ever since. The beautiful, quiet, strength and bravery of her. The elegance and skill. The undying ambition and the intelligence and ruthlessness to back it up.

She doesn’t know, of course. One of the many things Mother taught me for court is to hide my emotions expertly. To portray what I want people to see.

It’s been a useful skill in climbing the ranks. It was useful among the other handmaidens, who were surprised to say the least, when I rose to become Plumbeline’s favorite. Her most trusted. And from Plumbeline’s support, I began to build House Corymbos’ reputation back up, brick by brick.

I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t have Plumbeline’s support, her company anymore.

Because Lady Plumbeline has gotten sick. Deadly sick. None of the healers know what to do. Emperor Uvano has said that it’s a sickness his family has been prone to throughout the years. A one common to die from.

I remember when I heard that it’s likely she’d die. It was hard to keep the mask hiding my emotions on then. My knees went weak, my eyes filled with tears, and my chest tightened impossible. I felt my magic race through my veins, fear and sorrow fueling a surge more powerful than I had ever experienced.

That tightened feeling in my chest hasn’t faded, but gotten sharper as Plumbeline’s condition has worsened. And worsened. Until the possibility of Plumbeline’s death, which looms closer every day, is the only thing I can think about.

It’s the thing keeping me awake tonight.

I curl up on top of my blankets, deep violet curls spread out around my head. As usual these past few weeks, my mind is occupied with racing through every piece of medical information I’ve ever heard. Anything that might save the girl I love.

And then it crashes into me.

Magic.

Not magic I know. I haven’t trained nearly enough to be able to help. But Granmumma told stories of beings of magic, spirits of Fructera.

I reach out my hand, digging inside myself for something. Anything. Any way to summon a creature that could save Plumbeline.

A seed appears in my hand. It’s a small, warm, light brown seed. I pick it up between two fingers, examining the object, trying to contain the hope that’s exploding within me.

The seed cracks open, sending a shock through my hand. I drop the seed on the floor, and before I can reach to pick it up again, a bright green sprout begins to curl up from the seed.

It grows right before my eyes into a creature with wood and bark for a body, leaves for hair, and different types of fruit dangling off of their arms, back, shoulders. It towers above me and I swing my legs off the side of the bed, staring up at the spirit. The Fruit Tree.

“Hello Blienne Corymbos,” The Fruit Tree groans, their voice low and grumbling. I open my mouth to respond but the Fruit Tree instead begins to move, kneeling in front of me and touching a large, rough hand to my chin “You are young for the burden placed upon you. The last magic of a land is no small deal, Blienne Corymbos.”

And then an orange snaps off the Fruit Tree and splatters on the ground. The Fruit Tree stumbles to the side, catching themselves on one hand.

“I am not as strong as I was, Blienne Corymbos.” The Fruit Tree tells me, sorrow clouding their voice. The sorrow seeps into me, adding into the anxiousness and worry. The Fruit Tree seems to sense my change in mood “What do you wish of me?” They ask.

There is no hesitation, not a doubt in my mind “I want you to heal Plumbeline Uvano. I want you to save her.”

The Fruit Tree tilts their head to the side, more fruit falling to the ground and splattering “You love her.” They say. Not a question.

“I do. More than anything.”

The Fruit Tree shrinks an inch. I flinch in shock, but don’t comment on the change. They weren’t exaggerating when they spoke of fading strength.

“There is not a world were you get to live a life with Plumbeline Uvano, Blienne Corymbos.” The Fruit Tree tells me and I feel... numb. I don’t feel anything “Do you still wish to save her?”

I look up at the being, the spirit of something long gone.“I believe she’s going to do good in the world. Plumbeline is worth it.” The Fruit Tree nods slowly, flickering and shrinking again. I scoot forward “What’s happening to you?”

“I am not as strong as I was, Blienne Corymbos.“ The Fruit Tree repeats.

The hope I feel flickers and terror races through my veins “Can you still heal her?”

More fruit falls on the ground. Item by item. Agonizingly slowly.

“I believe I can, Blienne Corymbos. But it will come at a cost.” The Fruit Tree says “My strength alone is not enough to save your love, not since magic has faded from Fructera. I will need yours. Permanently.”

I tilt my head, considering what he means by ‘strength’. And then I know. And even though I’ve been pushing it back all my life, I know I’m losing a piece of myself if I do this.

“You- you want my magic?” I ask and the Fruit Tree nods. “Okay. Okay. I’ll do anything. Just-”

And my magic fades.

Everything is shattering into a million pieces. I can’t see, can’t breath, can’t think. All I feel is aching emptiness. The remaining pieces of me turn to piercing shards, scratching at my insides.

Agony. That’s what I feel. My body fades. My being fades. I’m just an empty shell where a life used to be, where vibrance used to be. It hurts so badly, so so badly.

And then I’m back.

I fall to the ground and curl up, gasping for breath. The Fruit Tree is gone, along with the fruit that fell off of it. But i know that it worked, I can feel it deep within me.

All I can do now is hope that Plumbeline uses this gift wisely.

[hustlebonezzzz]

We need to talk about Courage the Cowardly Dog

In what seems like a stream of relentless plagues, wildfires burn around the world, billions of desert locusts swarm and threaten African crops, and of course, COVID-19. How could we forget about COVID-19? The bright side of a world-wide pandemic is that this quarantine has provided ample time to revisit shows the shaped my childhood. When I was a kid, Courage the Cowardly Dog was my absolute favorite, hands down. 

The title sequence explains the show perfectly:

“We interrupt this program to bring you… Courage the Cowardly Dog Show, starring Courage, the Cowardly Dog! Abandoned as a pup, he was found by Muriel, who lives in the middle of nowhere with her husband, Eustace Bagge! But creepy stuff happens in Nowhere. It's up to Courage to save his new home!”

And that’s it. Crazy stuff happens, and Courage is left to try and save the day. As I watch it now, I can’t ever picture a show like this being aired today. Many times I’d catch myself thinking, “They let this air??” Some of the episodes are straight-up disturbing or tear jerking

An episode that is both disturbing and tearjerking is “The Mask.” This episode tackles subjects such as same-sex relationships, domestic abuse, and sexual assault. These elements are heavily present within the episode, yet are veiled behind a funny children’s show. The veil is lifted when viewing the episode with adult eyes, and it becomes a realistic animated drama.

The beginning of the episode starts with Courage relaxing outside his home and minding his own business. Suddenly, a frightening masked individual walks onto the scene and beats Courage, all while proclaiming a hatred for dogs. This scene is hilarious as a child for the sheer slapstick humor element. 

The masked figure smashes Courage with a sink because “Dogs are evil.”

We later learn that the masked individual is a cat named Kitty. Kitty hates and beats Courage because he is a dog, and she associates all dogs with an evil dog that is keeping her best friend captive in an abusive relationship. Her best friend is a bunny named Bunny, and her abusive boyfriend is called Mad Dog. Mad Dog is a thug. 

Courage, being the gentle and kind soul he is, decides that the best way to get Kitty to leave him alone is to save her best friend Bunny and show that not all dogs are like Mad Dog. So, in the dead of night, Courage sneaks out and goes to the rundown industrial zone where Bunny is being held captive. A car with blaring hip-hop music comes to a screeching halt in front of a building with busted and boarded up windows. Courage watches and cowers behind another car while Mad Dog aggressively pulls Bunny out of the car. Her facial expression is empty and sad. They enter the building and Courage spies through the window. Mad Dog is upset that Bunny is visibly unhappy, and suspects that she’s thinking about her best friend, Kitty. 

Although we don’t see it, Mad Dog decides to beat Bunny up for thinking about Kitty and not being happy with him. We are only left with this frame:

Bunny is shoved into a pot after being beat by Mad Dog.

As I watched this scene, I was in shock. As a kid, you just assume that he throws her around and roughs her up a bit before throwing her into a giant pot with dirt. Hell, this scene might even be funny to a child. Now, this appears to be an obvious metaphor for feeling dirty or soiled after being sexually assaulted. Bunny was not just being beat up. This episode also does a great job of showing the psychological manipulation that is a part of an abusive relationship. While yelling at Bunny, Mad Dog says “I told you to forget her! I take you from a two-bit joint and make you a class act and you want to make me second rate!” It’s incredible how Mad Dog tries to manipulate Bunny into thinking that this life is the best she could ever get as he screams at her in a dirty, run-down apartment.

The emotional manipulation only continues as Mad Dog tries to comfort her afterwards, asking why things can’t be like the good ol’ days when she still loved him. He makes it seem as if it is her fault for being clearly depressed because of this physically, sexually, and emotionally abusive relationship.

Mad Dog tries to comfort Bunny after lashing out on her for thinking about Kitty.

By the end of the episode, Courage the cowardly dog saves the day and breaks Bunny out of her prison. Kitty and Bunny are reunited and run away together by hopping on a train and never looking back. 

Bunny and Kitty embrace each other after finally being reunited

So yes, this series has always maintained a creepy and provocative vibe throughout its duration, and undoubtedly has some dark themes and screwed up moments intertwined. These subverted themes only become more prevalent the older you get. You don’t notice these surreal elements as a child, and I don’t think you’re supposed to. I certainly didn’t see anything wrong with “The Mask” in my youth. Yeah, of course I felt sympathy for Kitty and Bunny, but there was a happy ending and that made it all okay for me. I saw the slapstick humor of it all, which is the kind of humor that really resonates with kids. It is a vital part of most children’s programming. Without it, this show wouldn’t be for kids, that’s for sure. 

“The Mask” of course isn’t the only episode that touches on sexual abuse. In “Freaky Fred,” Muriel’s creepy barber nephew comes for a visit. Fred speaks through child-like rhymes and always ends it with how he’s been very “naaaaauuuughty.” Naughty is said in a way that is all too sexual, uncomfortable, and violating, whether you are a child or an adult. The innuendo behind the uttering of “naughty” becomes more apparent to a mature audience. 

In this episode, Fred the creepy barber corners Courage in the bathroom and forcibly shaves his pink fur, all while confessing to his compulsive urges to force himself upon others and shave off their hair. He recites a poem about his first victim while doing so: “This dripping here, this droopy curl, unfold sweet memories of a girl, whose tresses, oh they’d twist and twirl, and tempt me to be… naughty.” 

To put it bluntly, it seemed like this scene was mirroring sexual assault based on the dialogue and the overall mood portrayed. Fred likes to force his apparent hair shaving fetish onto anyone who is vulnerable that he can get alone. By the end of the episode, we find out that Fred was committed to a mental institution and escaped. The authorities show up to Courage’s home and take him back. 

Fred’s character design alone only points to him being up to no good, and the smile never leaves his face. 

Fred gazes menacingly at Courage before proceeding to forcibly shave his fur off. 

If sexual abuse is on the table for this series, they certainly wouldn’t shy away from covering parental abuse. In the multiple episodes that feature Eustace’s mother, the audience comes to learn why Eustace’s character is a crotchety old man who takes joy in tormenting and scaring Courage. Throughout all of the episodes, Eustace yells “Stupid dog!” at Courage. It’s even a part of the opening title sequence. When Eustace’s mother, Ma Bagge, is introduced, we quickly notice that she is just like Eustace.  She constantly yells “Stupid boy!” at Eustace and berates him at any chance she gets. For the first time ever, we feel sympathy for one of the most hated characters on the show. Eustace’s whole shtick comes from being mean and cranky. It all comes together and we see that Eustace is but a product of his mother’s emotional abuse, a cycle that we often see in the real world. Other episodes detail his painful childhood, showing that deep down, a mean and cruel old man is not who he truly is. Episodes show that throughout his entire life, he constantly tried to win the love and affection from his mother, however, she always found fault in him and he was never good enough. 

Eustace presents gifts to his mother, Ma Bagge, in hopes of winning her approval.

As said previously, many of the episodes aren’t dark and twisted on the surface from a child’s point of view, but an episode that is heartbreaking whether you are a child or an adult is “Remembrance of Courage Past.” This episode details Courage’s origin story. We see that Courage once had loving dog parents that adored him. Courage’s parents take him to the vet, but in a strange turn of events, his parents are locked in a rocket and blasted into space by the sadistic veterinarian. There isn’t really any rhyme or reason, the vet is just plain evil. The vet asks to speak to the parents in private, and Courage is ushered into the waiting room. He later hears his parents crying out for help and he sees them being carried away in a net by the vet. Baby Courage follows them and sees his parents stuffed into a rocket. Baby Courage is unable to save them because the veterinarian notices that he is in the room and begins to chase him. Baby Courage escapes through a shoot that leads to an alleyway. From here, he watches the rocket blast off and waves goodbye as he cries. This is where Muriel finds him all alone and adopts him as her own. 

Left: Courage’s parents cry out for help from inside the rocket.

Right: Muriel finds Courage all alone in the alley and takes him in.

Seriously, this episode is so sad. We learn that Courage wasn’t truly “abandoned as a pup.” Courage deeply fears losing his current family because of how his real parents were ripped away from him. It was a tearjerker then, and it still is now. Now, he simply can’t bear the thought of ever losing his family again. This motivates him throughout the entire series to save his family no matter what the obstacles and no matter how scared he is.

Now all of the episodes that have been covered thus far were terrifying in their own way, yet there is one episode that continues to linger in the minds of its viewers. The episode in question? “King Ramses Curse.”  But why this episode?

First, a quick plot overview: Courage finds an ancient artifact in their yard. It turns out to be a cursed slab that was stolen from a museum. The police were hot on the museum robbers trail, so they ditched it in Courage’s yard. A resurrected King Ramses appears at their home to retrieve it. However, Eustace found out earlier that day that the slab is worth millions and won’t let King Ramses have it back, despite King Ramses threatening to send 3 plagues, each worse than the last.

King Ramses first tries to drown them, and for a kids show, I’ll admit that it’s pretty intense, but expected at this point. I audibly uttered ���Now that’s a curse” as I rewatched. The next plague is just forcing them to listen to a really bad song, bringing the humor element back in and giving a break from the horror. Back to the horror, the last plague is a swarm of locusts that destroys everything in its path. In the end, Eustace refuses to relinquish the slab as Ramses menacingly looms over him. The episode concludes with Eustace being trapped in a sarcophagus, crying out for help. But the unfolding of these surely traumatic events isn’t what scared me as a youngin’.

So why did this episode scare so many children including myself? Simply put, the visuals.

King Ramses, was a 3D-animation overlayed on a 2D-background. Frankly, late 90s and early 2000s 3D-animation was a little creepy looking in general. The art of 3D-animation was still a work in progress. Hell, Disney and Pixar were still trying to perfect it with Toy Story. 

King Ramses stands outside the home of Courage.

Courage the Cowardly Dog had a highly experimental animation style considering the time in which it aired, 1996-2002. The animators didn’t stick to only 2D-animation alone, but instead incorporated elements of live-action, claymation, and 3D-computer animation, amongst other things. The show really had a knack for mixing mediums. What made this show so generally creepy was the way the mixed mediums didn’t fit in with the familiar 2D-animation style. It was unexpected and unsettling. 

Left: Example of live-action element

Middle: Example of 3D-computer animation

Right: Example of claymation featured in the show

While revisiting Courage, I can’t help but notice how this series hones in on the feeling of helplessness and life’s unpredictability. These aspects are part of why this show can be a bit traumatizing to young viewers. Yet this series still shows the value of hanging in there no matter what and doing the best you can despite the circumstances, just like Courage the cowardly dog. 

At the end of the day, elements like the underlying adult themes and the visuals made Courage the Cowardly Dog stand out when it first aired, and it's a show that continues to stand out against the ever changing social landscape. Comedy and horror aren’t synonymous in most of today’s cartoons. It’s been nearly 18 years since the last episode of Courage aired, and 18 years since Cartoon Network has aired a new horror cartoon. That alone is telling. Courage the Cowardly Dog was truly a product of its time and still sparks debates today with its gloomy narratives on society. Cartoons like this are so special because there may never be anything like it again. Even the creators were surprised that they got the OK to air the show, and I’m grateful that they did. 

[littlecountrymouse]

Space Cowboy podcast episode 19: An interview with Michael Vlamis transcript.

So guys, I got a heap of messages from people saying they’d like this thing transcribed, because not everyone can listen to podcasts. I do this for a living, but also do it occasionally for my dad with Alan Alda’s podcasts because he’s mostly deaf and can’t understand them. So I’ve typed this sucker out for you all on my phone today. It’s not perfect, and I had to go back and edit it for clarity because holy shit, Vlamis says like A LOT. But it’s beautiful, and hopeful, and the biggest take out from it that I cranked the volume on and checked with my work software is that Malex LOVE each other right now, in the present. Screw this ‘loved’ shite, it’s current day, baby. They just gotta learn to talk and be honest and vulnerable with one another for it to work. 

Liz: Welcome to Space Cowboys, a Roswell New Mexico podcast here on purefandom.com. I am Liz Prugh, joined by my co-host Meg Bonney.

Meg: Hello, hello.

L: And while each week we normally give you amazing one-of-a-kind theories on the fabulous TV series Roswell New Mexico, the show was on hiatus this week, which was a big bummer because we forgot. But we didn’t forget about you listeners, we’re bringing you a special episode. Meg, give us the details.

M: On this week of Space Cowboys we’ll be talking about hair care and hair products, and - just kidding. So we don’t have a recap, obviously, because there wasn’t a new episode. But we chatted with our favorite midwestern curly haired cowboy, Michael Vlamis!

L: Woowoo!

M:  He talks about why he loves his fans so much, and it will melt your heart, and how he maintains those gorgeous curls, and Malex, of course Malex.

L: All things Malex. So make sure you guys keep tuning in, and check out all of our other amazing podcasts on purefandom.com and we’ll catch you next week for a new episode. Enjoy this lovely conversation with the even more lovely Michael Vlamis.

*Space Cowboys intro theme piece.*

L: Hey listeners, welcome back to Space Cowboys. We have a very special episode for you, we have Michael Vlamis, who plays Michael Guerin on Roswell New Mexico, what’s up Michael?

MV: Woo! How you guys doing?

L: Awesome.

MV: I am happy to be talking to you guys, this is fun.

L: It’s a good vibe for all you listeners, we all have really really curly hair, and we’re all from the midwest, so it’s a great space right now.

MV: The curls are very hard to manage, I’m gonna, I’ll be real with you. It took me like twenty-six years of my life to figure out what to do with my hair.

M: We were just talking about how it’s so hard to manage our hair, and it took us so long, and we’re the only ones who know how to deal with it.

MV: Yeah, nobody else knows. Nobody knows the trauma. When I was a kid I wanted straight hair, I wanted one of those bowl cuts, and my mom was like, honey you’re never gonna have that, your hair is not straight, and it was sad but I’ve come to terms with it finally.

L: Yeah, and you rock it now, I love it.

MV: Yeah, thank you. It gets wild in some of those episodes, I see it blowing in the wind and I’m like ‘oh, man, that’s it? There you go.’

M: Giggles

L: It has a life of its own, Meg and I were just saying we’re still living that Herbal Essences life, like we’ve tried the expensive stuff and I dunno, you just, you gotta stick with what works.

M: Mmhm.

MV: Honestly, this might gross some people out, but I hardly ever wash my hair. I hardly ever wash it, the woman who cuts my hair, she says you don’t wash it, your hair gets oily when you’re not a - we’re like turning into a hair campaign now, I love it - when you uh, you wash it too much and it just creates more oil, so if you’re not washing it, then uh … you know. I still use conditioner though. I smell okay, I will say that. I smell okay.

M: Well, there you go, that’s all you need.

MV: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you for having my back.

L: We got you. Well, that’s a perfect segue into this next question into your love story on the show. Let’s talk about - Tyler Blackburn’s here - no, I’m just kidding.

MV and M both laugh

MV: Oh, that’s great.

L: So when we recently Carina, of course the amazing showrunner of Roswell New Mexico at your ATX screening in Austin Texas, and she said it was very important to have the Michael and Alex story start in the darkness and come into the light versus the other way around, which is the way we see a lot of LGBTQ relationships on TV. What darkness do you think that both Michael and Alex need to overcome in order for them to be like ‘okay cool, we both deserve to be happy and love each other?’

MV: Oh my gosh, that is such a deep, tough question to answer cause there’s so many things, and when it comes to Michael and Alex a lot of like who Michael Guerin is is a lot of the feelings that I have, and I draw straight from what I’ve had to overcome, and like similar to Michael Guerin, you know, he’s been an outsider his whole life, right? And so has Alex, they both have these secrets, and I think the biggest thing that you have to overcome is accepting who you are, that your secrets don’t always need to be kept so close to the chest and I think it’s the vulnerability, it’s accepting that it’s okay to be vulnerable and you’ll still be liked, you’ll still be accepted. And if people don’t accept you for your vulnerability then you don’t want them in your life, and I think that’s like, that’s the biggest thing, is that you can be honest with yourself and with others. And, I mean obviously the two of us, I mean, we didn’t even tell each other that - we had been separated ten years and we never even told each other that we loved each other when we did, you know? And I think that’s a mistake a lot of people make and I make in my own life, which is like, the things that are hard to say, not saying them, and I think that’s the biggest thing you have to overcome, that it’s okay to be vulnerable.

L: Aww, I love that. Also I’d like to just say that I love both of you, just so that doesn’t become an issue and I didn’t tell you.

MV: Laughs. Okay, thank you.

L: So speaking of Michael and Alex, one of our favorite scenes was that flashback with you playing the guitar in the shed. So I just wanted to know, are we gonna get to maybe see more musical moments, or maybe is that something that you’re gonna try to save for next season, if we knock on wood get next season?

MV: Oh man, you know, I can’t give anything away. I can’t give too much away with that, because - just know that you know, my hand is messed up in the show and that’s why I stopped playing guitar, and a big part of me kinda disappeared that day in the toolshed, like an identity, you know, something that - in that scene that talks about how my entropy changes when I play music and I kind of escape my life and all the chaos going on in my head. So definitely know that it’s something that Michael Guerin is very passionate about, and he would love to get back to, but he’s gotta do something about that hand if that’s ever gonna happen, you know?

L: Mmhmm. So, we’re both super sci fi nerds and you probably, you probably can’t answer this next question, but we recently learned that Guerin is building a spaceship, and it would be so rad -

MV: Yeah!

L: If you guys went to space. Do you see that happening in the show, do you want it to happen in the show?

MV: Um, you know what, I would love to see, to see something like that happen, but I think what’s more interesting than going to space is the choice of going to space, you know? It’s not necessarily being there, but it’s the choice that I’m actually going to leave all these people I love. Because I don’t know, even if I do go to space am I even going to be able to bring everybody, do I wanna bring everybody. It’s kind of like - Michael Guerin, his whole life has been building this spaceship to go back to his family, but like at the same time he’s also running from something. But he’s also running towards something that he believes wholeheartedly in which is like family and his origins and things like that. But I would love to see a moment come where he has to really decide you know, am I going or am I staying, and I think that could be a really powerful scene.

M: I’m team space, I say send everyone to space, let’s just start over on a new planet. I would love to see that.

MV and L laugh.

MV: Yeah, we would probably end up polluting it though, but yeah, you know, it would be nice to get a little fresh start every now and then.

L: Yeah, totally agree. So with so many reboots and reimaginings on TV right now, a lot of fans tend to compare them to the original, or even just there’s kind of backlash surrounding it. What has the fan experience been for you so far in this process?

MV: Oh my God, honestly overwhelming. I honestly didn’t really know what to expect, this is my first TV show, I’ve never had like, I’ve never really had fans before or people that blindly support me because of a character that I portray. I’ve had some success in the past where that’s happened a little bit, but not like this. And all I can say is that I feel so lucky that I get to through acting, what I love doing most in my life, I get to give people an escape and challenge their thoughts and get them to open up, and a lot of these fandoms that are following me, especially like, on instagram is kind of where I spend the most of my time with social media, I think it’s the app that I enjoy the most, it’s so visual you know? And I love making my instagram into, you know, I like that it almost looks like a magazine spread or something of just like, my humor and what not and I enjoy that, I really reveal a lot about myself on Instagram. And I think people appreciate that, so I get like, there’s LGBTQ Vlamis accounts, there’s malex accounts, there’s Michael Vlamis Italia, um, it’s people in Italy, and it’s so wild. And the messages that they send me about how my character and my love story with Alex has opened them up with their life and helped them get out of a dark place is honestly why you do the job. Because sometimes acting can feel like such a selfish career at times, and I think a lot of actors are very selfish you know, like you’re the center of attention, you’re doing this you’re doing that. But when you can actually help the world and it’s bigger than you is when it’s most important. And luckily I’m in a position where that’s happening right now, and I’m not gonna lie, it’s very rewarding.

L: That’s awesome, and I’ve seen a lot of those accounts too, and when we’re just tweeting about the show in general and like, their tag is your name and that’s gotta be pretty wild to see.

MV: Oh it’s so wild, it’s so funny for all my friends too, because now all of a sudden any time they post a story or something, like the fan accounts are reaching out to them, and they’re like, ‘oh, oh, what’s Michael doing right now,’ or they’re reposting pictures of my roommates just because they’re in my life, so now they’re all kind of experiencing a little bit too, which is, it’s been a lot of fun and we’re having a lot of laughs with it and we’re all really grateful about it.

L: That’s awesome. I love that. Okay, so, I don't know if you can answer this but I’m gonna ask it anyway because, I don’t know if you listen to the podcast and you can lie and say you listen to every one religiously, but we talk about a lot of theories, and one of the biggest theories we’ve been talking about recently is the fourth alien. And we think we know who it is, but we wanted to know what was your reaction when you learned about the identity of the fourth alien, and have you really seen anyone guess it correctly?

MV: Oh man. I have seen one person online guess it correctly, I will say that. And it was one of those things where I almost didn’t even want to like interact with the post, because I didn’t want to give anything away whatsoever. But this one specific person did guess it and I don’t think that’s giving it away too much because so many theories are out there that I don’t think anyone’s gonna find this one person that guessed it right, but somebody did. And when I was shooting the show, the fun thing about the show is that I never knew what was gonna happen every episode right? Like they would sit us down and talk to us about major story points and what’s gonna be going on with your character and kind of the necessities of what you need to know in order to give an honest performance. But I didn’t know what was going to happen actually, how we were gonna get to where they said we were going. So every episode when I read it it was a surprise, I was blown away, it was like ‘oh my god, this is happening in this episode? This is crazy, this fun, it’s exciting.’ And when I found out who was gonna be the villain I was a little taken aback because even I didn’t see it, and I think that’s what’s fun about the show, is that of all the theories, everything, I’ve seen one person guess it and that’s how we wanted to do it, right, we didn’t want to give anything away. I think Carina did an amazing job of like, revealing who the fourth alien is and you know, what they stand for and why they’re coming from the place they’re coming from, so I was almost like a viewer on the show, I was just learning kind of as the episodes go what was going down. But once I knew who it was a lot made sense and at the same time I was just taken aback that okay, this was the person who is doing all this, and it was a lot of fun for me to discover as well.

L: Ooh, that’s so fun, we can’t wait.

Mv: Yeah.

L: So music is also a big part of the show and we know what nineties songs that Liz Ortecho plays on the jukebox you know, she’s got her Counting Crows and her Third Eye Blind. What song or songs, or we’ll even make it easier for you, what bands do you think Guerin would pick or that he has on his iPod?

MV: I can tell you what song I am most proud of having in a scene that I’ve done thus far and that was in the flashback episode, that was episode six when you see our first kiss. I remember reading the script and originally in the script, when, because Jeanine and Nathan have a very touching moment in that scene too, right around that scene where I kiss Tyler for the first time, and the song that’s playing in the script is ‘First Day of my Life’ by Bright Eyes, and I’m like a huge Bright Eyes fan, and when I saw the episode cut together they played that kiss over our song as well and honestly that was like one of the coolest moments for me, to see a band that I grew up on, a band that I have just screamed at the top of my lungs in my car or just listening to to find an escape, going through a breakup or something like that, to have that song that means so much to me play over my kiss with someone that I love in the show was a really, really special moment. And I could sit here and say that Michael Guerin is the type of guy who’s just listening to like, old school country or some John Denver or some rock n roll or something like that, but I think at the end of the day Michael Guerin is a big softie. And I think that a song like Bright Eyes not only affects me but affects Michael Guerin, obviously because I bring so much of myself to the character. But definitely, the guy puts on such a tough guy act and he’s like this bad ass sex symbol, but at the end of the day he’s a sad vulnerable boy who just wants love and acceptance.

L: Aww, that’s so sweet!

M: I know, right?

L: I think we actually just talked about that in our last episode about how he wants everyone to thinks he’s such a badass, but he’s just this big old heart on his sleeve guy, and I love that you picked more of a softer, vulnerable song, I like that. Back to the malex relationship, obviously I’m single-minded here, but it’s been so special for the fans and for us to even get to talk about it week to week. But what can you tease about their bond in the rest of the season?

MV: Oh boy. You know, I don’t wanna give anything away, but I can say that everything does come to a head, you know. And I think that even if we do say it or we don’t say it, you really know how we feel about each other, but you know, I don’t know if - I wanna be really careful with my words, because I really don’t want to give anything away. But I will say that in the next few episodes Michael and Alex get to really spend a lot more time together, they kind of bond up as they try to figure out this alien conspiracy, and you see how apparent the love is and I can’t say where we end up at the end of this season, but I will say that everyone will have a very clear idea of how we really feel about one another. Because right now, even though like, I think it was episode nine maybe that Shiri Appleby directed outside the trailer, you know, we tell each other that we love each other for the first time, and now it seems like, okay, we’re getting to know each other almost on a friend level because we never really got to be friends, we were broken up from each other for so long after that traumatic incident and everything happened so quickly, and all of a sudden he was gone off to war and I was doing my own thing, so I can’t say what the resolution is but you definitely get to see each other spend much time together, get to know who we are and set up anything that may be able to happen in the future or by the end of the season amongst the two of us.

L: That’s awesome, we’ll take it.

MV: Yeah!

L: I think it’s *inaudible cross talk for a second.* It’s apparent too, like there’s no doubt that you guys love each other, it’s just all the noise getting in the way a little bit.

MV: Yeah, that’s the problem. I go through this in my everyday life, you can love someone so much but maybe they’re just not right for you and that is a horrible feeling, something so hard to deal with and you never really know. Cause is love enough, or is it personality traits that need to align or family background or taste in different aspects of life, do all those things need to be in line too, or is love enough? And as a hopeless romantic I like to think that love is enough, but I don’t know, as I get older I’m not sure. I think it’s more than love, it’s compatibility, that these two guys up til now have just not been compatible because they haven’t been completely honest with one another. So it’s interesting, it’ll be interesting for you guys to watch too as the characters become more honest with one another where they end up.

L: Well, we’re so excited and we’re so grateful that you took the time to chat with us today, this was so much fun.

MV: Yeah, it was a blast. I appreciate you guys wanting to chat.

L: Don’t forget, listeners, important things to note from the discussion today. If you have curly hair wash it every other day or every few days.

MV: Laughs. Yep. Yep.

L: No matter what happens Malex still loves each other and let’s just accept what happens, whatever does, for the rest of the season. The fandom has just been so positive and so awesome  thus far. It’s been great for us so it has to be even better for you. We’re just waiting for that season two renewal.

M: Mmhmm.

MV: Woo! I’m waiting too, I’m hoping they’ll let us know in the next uh - they gotta let us know by May, right? We got upfronts in May, we have to know by May.

L: That’s what we’re hoping too.

MV: That’s what I’m hoping too. And the show I heard goes on Netflix May first, I think Carina tweeted that out. So I think once that happens that’ll get a lot more people knowing about the show and watching us, and that’ll help the decision by the studio as well.

M: Oh yeah.

L: Woowoo!

MV: Yeah!

L: Well, thanks again for tuning in, and cheers to you! Thanks for joining us.

M: Yeah, thank you.

MV: Thanks, Meg, thanks Liz, I appreciate the support and good luck with everything. So I’ll be cheersing to you if I found out we got that season two.

M: Heck yeah.

L: Awesome, hopefully by the time you guys get season two, my second is due on May twenty seventh, that’s my due date, so Meg has been drinking without me -

MV: Oh!

L: And I’m like, ready to play that drinking game.

MV: Yes! Do you know if you’re having a boy or a girl?

L: No, we’re gonna be surprised again, so.

MV: Wow, that’s fun!

M: I was just gonna say we could name it after Roswell if we get that pickup, so CW, if you’re listening, you can name Liz’s baby, it’s fine.

L: Yeah, Pedowitz, I’ll name the baby after you if you renew Roswell.

M: Have little Marky.

MV: Yes, I love that. Well, congratulations.

L: Thanks so much.

[yukipri]

For the ask: can you tell me about shoreiji? :3

FRICK YESSSSS THANK YOU SOBS I LOVE THEM SO MUCH???? *RIPS OUT MY HEART*

001 | send me a ship and I will tell you: Shorter x Eiji

When I started shipping it if I did:

Ohhhhh SHITE YO

So okay I’m very aware of my incredibly consistent tendency to poly ship Everyone x Protagonist, and even from just the promo stuff (nop haven’t read the manga tho hoooo boy have i read detailed spoilers), it was clear that Ash and Eiji were gonna be the Popular Ship. But then I was like EY who’s this flashy purple mohawk?? And then I was like OH SHITE he’s the Best Friend Type, I’m SUCH a sucker for them??

And then it was like Wait, soooo Ash shoved another guy’s name into Eiji’s mouth? That’s pretty gay (<- probably not what most people got out of that scene LMAO), who’s that (because i hadn’t memorized their names yet), and then Shorter shows up, and I was like OH SHITE IT’S PURPLE!

Beyond me just being attracted to Shorter as a character, I started to REALLY ship them when I noticed just how many times Shorter protects Eiji. True, Eiji’s defs the type that needs protection but…it was just, SO MANY TIMES?? Like dare I say excessive, in the most endearing way?? Their first meeting at the doc’s, and then Shorter literally does the “cover your hands with mine to shoot gun,” and then wrapping himself around Eiji as they jump into the harbor…then it looks like they consistently slept next to each other for most if not all of the trip to LA, and as if he’s already learned that Shorter’s the one who’s gonna protect him, Eiji latches onto him at sight of Mouse LMAO

BUT the one scene that literally gave my life to this ship was after Shorter goes with Yut Lung, and is protecting unconscious Eiji. THAT WHOLE FREAKIN’ SEQUENCE REALLY, but the “If anything happens to him, I’ll kill everyone in this room and then myself,” followed up by “We don’t need the fuckin’ wheelchair [because I can effortlessly princess carry him and don’t want to be separated by even the slightest amount]”…like JFC, JFC WHAT A SHIP *straight through the heart* (<- ugly crying)

My thoughts:

*WILD GESTURES AT ALL OF THE ABOVE* IN CASE YOU COULDN’T TELL, I LOVE THEM???

What makes me happy about them:

The fact that they are alive and well and living happily in a shared apartment with Ash, Sing, and Skip. *COUGHS*

But in all honesty, how protective Shorter is of Eiji, and how naturally and easily he does it. How much Eiji trusts him even in such a short time. How I think Shorter was so essential to Eiji and Ash’s bond too. Just, SO MANY THINGS.

What makes me sad about them:

SO MANY FREAKIN’ THINGS OH MY FUCKING GOD IS THIS A TRAGEDY SHIP IF THERE EVER WAS ONE???? (but that’s also part of what makes it so, SO good RIP)

(too long so under a cut lmao rip)

The fact that Shorter literally would have done anything, would have died for Eiji, and in a way he freakin’ DID. The fact that probably one of the last coherent thoughts he had was the dawning horror that they were going to make him hurt, possibly kill Eiji, and there’s nothing he could do to stop it. The fact that he was forced to be terrified of Eiji, someone he cares about and wants to desperately protect, and that that’s precisely why they chose him as Shorter’s target. The fact that even through all the pain and fear, any part of him left was probably even more scared about what he could do to Eiji. While he asked Ash to set him free from the unbearable pain, I personally interpret that moment as asking Ash to stop him from hurting their Eiji, even at the cost of his own life. I wonder if he died feeling relieved that Eiji at least was safe, or if he died not knowing.

And Eiji, gods, he never doubted Shorter’s loyalty once and reached for him until the end. That FACE Eiji made when he realized what they were going to do to Shorter, do to THEM. The fact that even if it was the drug’s fault, Eiji realized that his very existence was causing Shorter terror and agony so awful that it was unbearable. The fact that Eiji knows, and will always carry with him the fact that Ash had to shoot Shorter in order to protect Eiji. Shorter may have been already lost at that point, but part of Eiji will always blame himself, because it felt like Ash was forced to choose to save one of them, at the cost of the other’s life.

The fact that Eiji had Shorter’s life blood splat onto his cheek, and only Eiji saw that last expression on Shorter’s face. Eiji then felt the heavy weight of Shorter’s body collapse lifelessly on top of him, no doubt felt warm blood from Ash’s bullet wound soak into his own chest. It was Eiji who held Shorter’s body last, who screamed and cried himself hoarse as it was ripped away from him. And then it was Eiji who had to shove his pain aside, because he needed to be strong to keep Ash together.

SO YEAH A TON OF FUCKING THINGS MAKE ME SAD ALRIGHT????

But at the same time, all the sad things just make me ship them more RIP

Things done in fanfic that annoys me:

uhhhh not all too much out there, but I guess when Ash is portrayed as an outsider? Regardless of whether he’s involved with them romantically or not. They both absolutely love Ash, and I doubt they could leave him alone.

Things I look for in fanfic:

Reciprocal feelings, a romantic relationship born out of strong friendship that remains strong no matter what else happens, always looking out for each other and Eiji being a strong mental support for Shorter in ways he’s not expecting. I love when Shorter gets flustered around Eiji too?? Also, when Shorter’s always concerned and careful, he knows he’s bold and confident and has experience Eiji doesn’t, so he always triple checks and makes sure Eiji’s completely ok before doing anything, and it’s sometimes so excessive but endearing that Eiji has to just pull him down for a kiss himself. ALSO ALIVE AND WELL THANK YOU.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:

I thought about saying Ash, and while it’s true to an extent (for either of them), I do strongly prefer this OT3 together ^ ^; But ACTUALLY, for Eiji I’m going to say Sing, because as with Ash, Shorter played a major role in bringing them together, and also I love SingEiji LOL Pulling up a blank for Shorter AHAHAHA

My happily ever after for them:

They live in a fancy ass apartment that’s 80% bought with Ash’s money but they contribute too HAHAHA. Shorter technically owns Chang Dai (his name alone scares off troublemakers) but he actually works at the hair salon next door. He cuts and styles Eiji’s long hair and dyes the slowly increasing number of gray hairs at his temples black. Eiji’s a photographer and Shorter tags along whenever he can to assist and carry his bags along with Sing, especially when Ash is the model. Eiji slowly develops a taste for Shorter’s cooking; it’s not exactly bad, just different. Eiji agrees to a couple ear piercing. They get married. Shorter grows super old to the point his natural hair turns white, and his reaction is, “Sweet! No more need for bleach ;D.”

Who is the big spoon/little spoon:

LMAO Shorter is the big spoon, and he loves curling completely around Eiji who fits next to him perfectly, and it makes Eiji feel super safe <3 Eiji can try being a big spoon but….lil jetpack AHAHAHAHAHAHA

What is their favorite non-sexual activity:

CUDDLING??? Like y’all may or may not have noticed but I have a Thing for Shorter just…wrapping himself around Eiji. They’re such a good size difference for it?? Like when they’re chilling on the couch, Eiji’s seat is always Shorter’s lap (and then maybe Ash leans against them). When they take baths, Eiji also ends up in Shorter’s lap. When Eiji’s sleep and doesn’t want to wake up but Shorter’s gotta go, he just drags Eiji up with him and eats breakfast with a half asleep Eiji still in his lap.

Eiji likes to pretend he’s getting manhandled and he’s Shorter’s body pillow, but Eiji will also literally take any excuse to climb on top of Shorter. He pretends to get scared over things that he isn’t so his boyfriend will sweep him up. He also won’t admit it but loves getting princess carried, and likes saying, “I’m too tired and can’t walk,” even though they both know it’s a lie. When Shorter himself isn’t available, Eiji will wear one of his enormous hoodies and just curl up in it <3

send me a ship and I will tell you/Give me a character & I will tell you/send me 5 characters and I will rank them in order of preference

Please send me more~!  <3

[lothirielswan]

“Angry at Life, Smitten with You.” [8] [FINAL CHAPTER]

~The Veiled Stairs, Pandaria~

After handing over the evidence to Baine, Dezco returned me to Pandaria. I knew I shouldn't stay–now that Baine had reason to suspect Garrosh, the orc would be on the hunt for me soon. I needed to find a solution to that...but there was someone I needed to see first.

As I arrived at the top of the steps in the Veiled Stairs inn, I knocked on the side of the wall. “Hi.”

Anduin’s gaze was fixed on the pages in a book, and I caught a glimpse of his expression as he read with an eyebrow arched before looking up. When he saw me, his face brightened.

“Hello,” Andy struggled to sit up as I approached the table. The deep grimace on his face deeply bothered me as he did so, but he concealed it with another smile. “Did everything go alright? How’s Baine?”

I plopped myself down next to him and scooted the stool closer. I didn't want to tell him about returning to Orgrimmar. Anduin would never let me hear the end of it, and he was in enough pain without news of my reconnaissance. I regretted keeping another secret from him, so I would tell him...when it was no longer relevant and he forgot who Garrosh was.

“It went well. Baine believed my story, he’s alerting the troll resistance first because they’re closer...soon the entire Horde will know, and they’ll inform the Alliance.” I said. When Baine did receive the evidence, it did wonders to my image. My intervention with Theramore was forgotten and people saluted me as I passed. It was a little grandstanding for my taste, but I hopefully helped save the Horde from disaster.

“I'm glad, you did the right thing.” Andy’s hands vanished on the other side of his chair. “And I got you something to celebrate.”

Anduin set a golden box on the table in front of me. I politely held a hand over my gaping mouth to hide my shock at the intricate grooves in the design. Rubies and emeralds sparkled across the top.

“Anduin, you didn't have to do this,” I said, still awed by what I was in the presence of. “I won't let you spoil me.”

“You deserve it,” Andy replied, taking hold of my hand and bringing it to his lips. How did the son of Varian Wrynn become such a gentleman?

I smiled as I turned back to the gift. “What is this?”

“You told me earlier that you used to use crystals to record music when you were younger. It's not much, but I wanted to get you something you liked,” Anduin said.

“You’ve succeeded,” I murmured as my fingers traced the fine grooves of the box. I opened the golden chest and a soft tune played as a pink rose twisted in the center. I recognized the song as the exact one we danced to weeks ago.

This is beyond beautiful–it’s so thoughtful and sweet. And talk about expensive! Look at the jewels on this thing, did Andy sell half of Stormwind just to make this?

The gesture made me adore Anduin more (which I didn't think was possible), but it also reminded me of music on Outland. I had stayed away from instruments and singing since I arrived on Azeroth...perhaps I shouldn’t have turned my back on the musical arts.

“Is everything alright?” Anduin’s hand gently fell on my shoulder. “Do you like it?”

I swallowed a lump in my throat and moistened my lips. “I love it. It's perfect...just like you.”

I leaned forward on the edge of my stool and cupped Anduin’s face in my hands as I kissed him. The soft pressure of his lips against mine left me breathless. He leaned into my touch and I felt him shiver beneath my fingers. I paused and gently pulled away.

“Thank you,” Anduin replied with another fake cough to hide his burning cheeks. It was his new habit to thank me after every kiss we shared and it always left me in a giddy mood.

“That's my line, your majesty,” I mused as I straightened the collar of his diplomatic robes. When my thumb grazed his neck, I frowned at the icy temperature.

“Are you cold?” I asked as I studied Anduin’s pale features.

Andy shrugged, and I noticed another tremor run through his body. “A little. I'm alright.”

I keep secrets and he tells lies. We’re the perfect couple.

I glanced over my shoulder and found his guards out of sight; drunken laughter came from the bar downstairs. I stood from my stool and rolled my coat off my shoulders.

“Eona? What are you–oh,” Anduin sighed as I curled up on top of him and set my coat on top of us like a blanket. Being half dragon had its perks: I could eat all the spicy food I wanted, I could hoard a collection of things without shame, and I hardly ever got cold. Jaina took advantage of the latter and sat next to me whenever she was freezing at one of our meetings.

With my head on his chest, I asked, “Better?”

“Much. Thank you,” Andy replied, holding me close and setting his chin on the crown of my head.

I loved that single perfect moment, listening to Andy’s heartbeat as it throbbed in tune with the music box. The soft hymn mixed with the sound of his slow breaths. And then my mind had to ruin it.

No matter how much I want to stay, I can't. Garrosh will catch up with me, and I might even doom Andy if I remain here. But I feel like Anduin’s condition is getting worse...and I probably worsened it somehow by kissing him so much. Where could I remain safe from Garrosh, meanwhile helping Andy?

My eyes flew open. Wrathion’s going to kill me. And I might just let him.

~Wyrmrest Temple, Northrend~

“It makes sense, right?” I asked Kalec nervously as we ascended the many marble steps of Wyrmrest Temple. Even through the thick gray walls, the flapping of powerful wings and roaring flames could be heard.

Kalec nodded beside me. Kalecgos was one of the first to greet me when I arrived on Azeroth, so I had felt closer to him than others. His half elf, half human form squeezed in beside me on the stairs as we walked side by side. Sometimes he smelled like smoke (no big surprise there), other times like the ivory trees of Crystalsong Forest.

“An orc won't go near you with Alexstrasza upstairs,” Kalec agreed, his blue hair waving with his effortless climb up the stairs. “But last I checked, you two didn't have a...peaceful history.”

I bit my lip as we reached as high as the stairs would go. The temple extended into a sitting room overlooking the constant chaos outside. Three dragons turned to us in their humanoid forms, all frowning at my presence.

While I respected Alexstrasza for her former hardships, we had disagreements over the past–especially over Wrathion. But Alexstrasza was the perfect safety net I needed against Garrosh...and other reasons.

“I don't have a choice this time,” I muttered, keeping my voice low from the onlookers.

Kalec and I left the parlor behind as we came to a teleportation device to the upper levels. I shot him an apologetic glance–he didn't have to go through the stairs and cursed glares. But Kalec insisted on my behalf, like the big brother figure he portrayed.

“How is Jaina?” Kalec asked as his hands hovered over the gold teleportation mechanism.

“Angry at life, smitten with you.” I replied.

Kalec smiled, “Most sisters would hate the brother that is dating their best friend.”

“Well, you guys are still cute. Give it a month,” I teased.

Kalec chuckled and finally activated the teleporter. I was blinded by a white flash and then greeted by new surroundings.

The air was cooler at the top of Wyrmrest Temple. An oasis of snow could be seen at all sides at the top of the massive structure. Looming silhouettes awaited us.

“By the way, about your house…” Kalec trailed off.

My eyes widened. No. No–don’t tell me I'm that stupid.

“It smells like smoke–” Kalec said.

DAMMIT I'M THE BIGGEST IDIOT IN AZEROTH THAT BURNED DOWN HER OWN HOUSE–AND NOT IN THE COOL FIREBREATHING WAY.

“I turned off the stove, but I was too late to save your cookies.” Kalec said, amused at the look of fear in my eyes.

I heaved a sigh of relief that I’d been holding as long as I had traveled across Pandaria. I hugged Kalec and said with my voice muffled by his chest, “I love you.”

“I know.” I knew Kalec was smiling with his tone of voice, “You have many talents, Eona, but cooking is not one of them.”

“I always end up burning everything–don’t laugh at me!”

We broke apart, and I squared my shoulders as I approached my impending doom. Kalec placed a warm hand on my shoulder, and walked close behind me as I approached the tall figures at the end of the platform.

From the astounding view to the golden-trimmed pillars, it was obvious someone of high importance was here. And I greeted one of them in the strongest voice I could muster, “Grandma.”

Alexstrasza turned, and two fiery suns for eyes stared wide at me. “Eona? You returned.”

As I stepped closer, I saw others of great importance. I shared a smile with the bronze dragon Chromie in her gnome form. Ysera was dozing off where she stood, but her eyes focused on me during it and managed a nod.

“I have, with a proposition,” I said, willing my fingers to stay still as I stood straight. Alexstrasza would probably give me anything if I asked, but I knew better than to be in debt with a dragon–especially the Life Binder.

“Of course?” As Alexstrasza’s head dipped to the side, the gold embroidery on her horns jingled.

Kalec stood beside me now and we exchanged a look. He gave me a reassuring nod.

“I’ll return to you–to Wyrmrest Temple–on one condition.” I said. “To heal the Prince of Stormwind from his recent injuries.”

Kalec gaped at me from the sidelines. I caught his staring and squinted, “What? I'm allowed to date blond mortals too.”

“Dating?” Alexstrasza’s pinkish face lit up. “I'm getting great grandchildren…! You’re not pregnant now–”

“No! Of course not.” Chromie chuckled at my reddening face. “Just fix his condition and I’ll stay as long as you want.”

The hopeful grin on her face made me rethink my words. “–Or a year. A year is good.”

“Wonderful!” Alexstrasza closed the short distance between us and embraced me tight. Kalec gazed at the awkward hug with an arched eyebrow as I lightly patted her arm.

“Um…” I still had one last request. “Can I say goodbye first before my jail time starts?”

“Of course,” Alexstrasza broke away as Kalec conjured a portal to the Veiled Stairs. Chromie, Kalec, and Alexstrasza leaned in eagerly to catch a blurry image of Anduin. Ysera would’ve joined in if not for her soft snores.

“We never speak of this,” Kalec said, his eyes widening at the familiar blond hair and blue eyes. “Never again.”

“He looks like a good influence,” Alexstrasza cooed over my shoulder.

“He looks like your father,” Chromie’s comment was the most terrifying of all three.

I huffed as I stepped through the portal and the icy atmosphere melted away. My expression grew more grave as I thought of what I had to do. As I stared at Anduin reading at the table, his golden head bowed, my chest tightened.

I already told Wrath and he had a temper tantrum. This can't be any worse than that...but it feels like it.

“Andy?” Where I could muster strength to display to Alexstrasza, I cracked in the presence of the boy that traveled an entire continent with me. Anduin looked up at my pale expression.

I don't want to do this...I feel like I'm going to throw up. I pushed my feelings down, and sat down next to him. Anduin naturally took hold of my hands like it was a habit, “Are you alright, Eona?”

“No. Not really,” I admitted as his fingers traced calming circles over my hands. “I'm afraid...I have to leave Pandaria. The old people in my family are eating hearts again.”

Anduin froze. “That’s common among dragons?”

“No! No,” I said, silently cursing myself for using that metaphor.

“Oh.” Anduin’s shoulders sagged. “But you are leaving?”

“I am.” I studied at our intertwined fingers. “I wanted to help you because I owed you for traveling across the continent and putting up with me...and now I want to stay, because I really like you.”

I finally looked up when Anduin reached over to tuck my bangs behind my ear. I swallowed when I admitted, “I don't know when I'm going to see you again.”

“Neither do I.” Andy said. His hand remained behind to caress my cheek, “But when we do, we’ll pick up right where we left off.”

I stepped out on the other side of the portal and scowled. “Really?”

While Kalec and Chromie dotted their cheeks with tissues, Alexstrasza sobbed into a handful of them. “We’ve only known you two as a couple for like five minutes, but that was really heartbreaking to watch.”

Ysera finally jolted herself awake. “What did I miss?”

EONA STRIDER WILL RETURN.

Want to relive the journey? Check the Caverns of Time for previous chapters!

Have a different reading preference? Check Archive of Our Own for quicker updates here!

[yakashi-lover]

The Lies That Save Us

Pairing: KakaYama

Words: 5667

Prompt: Fake Dating!  @thetoxicstrawberry

Trigger warnings for drunk antics! 

Please excuse any typos! I did proof read myself but I don’t have a beta!

Disclaimer: I have no idea how relations work between the villages, just needed a plot. Also they probably don't have elevators haha.

The Lies That Save Us

Kakashi shifted uneasily as he waited outside the large oak doorway that lead to the office of The Hokage. He exhaled nervously, careful not to show his anticipation too readily to the 2 ANBU officers guarding the door. Two of this previous subordinates he recognised. He knew them both by name, although he would never address them as so in this situation.

It had been a tense 24 hours for him since he reported in after yesterday’s mission. He had spoken briefly about the events of the mission with Tsunade in the presence of Team 7. But after they were dismissed he was asked to stay. She had told him she wished to speak with him again this morning. Her voice had been soft and laced with concern, but her face and posture was firm. He truly had no idea what to expect from her today. He was sure he was about to be reprimanded or perhaps given some bad news and it was making his stomach turn.

Swallowing quietly, he clenched his fists in his pockets making an extra effort to look nonchalant in front of his previous juniors.

Tsunade appeared in the doorway, catching him off guard with her silent footsteps. She beckoned him forward before disappearing back in to the room, the door closing behind her with a soft thud. Kakashi let go of a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding, moving towards the door and  pushing it open with the palm of his hand before making sure to click it shut behind him.

He moved forwards, positioning himself about a metre in front of Tsunade’s desk and clutching his hands together behind his back. He straightened his spine as a sign of respect, nodding at her as a greeting.

“Relax Kakashi.” She said softly, watching as he returned to his signature slouch at her words. She sighed deeply, moving some paperwork out of her way to buy herself some time to think of the right way to begin. Kakashi watched her nervously. She wasn’t yelling at him yet; he realised suddenly.

That must mean…

His stomach turned uncomfortably as he waited for the inevitable.

“I said relax.” Tsunade ordered, a frown gracing her porcelain face as she took in his uneasy posture. Kakashi exhaled once again, removing his arms from behind his back and placing them back in his pockets.

“With all due respect M’Lady what did you ask me here for?” He questioned, unable to take the suspense any longer.

Tsunade straightened herself, clasping her hands together in front of her in a very professional manner.

“Kakashi.” She began, her steely eyes locking on to his. “You are aware that the relations between the Land of Fire and The Land of Earth rocky at best?” She asked in a way that portrayed she already knew he was aware.

Kakashi balked.

A mission?

He wondered, his wide eye giving away his surprise as the tension that had been surrounding him began to dissipate.

“Uh… yes.” He answered, unsure how long he had been silent. Tsunade nodded approvingly.

“I have received a message from the Earth Daimyo. He has proposed a scenario that may come as the start of better relations between our countries.” She stated, watching as the wheels turned in Kakashi’s head. He nodded, willing her to continue.

Tsunade leant over, opening the draw to her desk and pulling a scanty filled manila folder from inside. She put it down in front of her, opening it and pushing the 2 pieces of paper towards Kakashi.

“This is his daughter Akiko.” She said, beckoning him closer and pointing to a picture of a woman held there with a paperclip. “She’s just come of age and he wishes to marry her off.” She explained, eyeing Kakashi discreetly as he walked forwards, touching the photo softly with one of his fingers.

Kakashi looked to Tsunade, confusion on his features as she unclipped the photo and handed it to him. He took it gently, admiring the beauty of the woman before him.

“She’s beautiful isn’t she?” Tsunade asked, standing up from her seat and looking between him and the photo.

“Yes.” Kakashi nodded, it was a gorgeous picture. Her auburn hair had caught the light just right and mingled nicely with her sky blue eyes, the formal kimono she was wearing tying the entire picture together nicely.

“You want me to escort her somewhere?” Kakashi asked casually, making the Godaime’s hair curl at his innocence.

“No…” She said slowly, a chuckle leaving her lips as she folded her arms. Kakashi cocked his head in question putting the photo back down on to the desk and returning to his previous stance.

“The Daimyo would like to marry her off to a high standing citizen of Konoha.” Tsunade continued. “Considering I am a woman myself. All of the members of the council are too old for this beautiful woman to waste her life with and we don’t yet have a Hyuga male of age… You are my first choice bachelor, Kakashi.” She finished, sitting back in her chair and waiting for the penny to drop.

Kakashi stared, his mouth opening and closing as he struggled to think of something to say.

“M-me?” he asked, all formalities thrown out the window as panic struck him. “No.. no no…” He laughed, shaking his head frantically and taking a step backwards. Tsunade watched him, her lips curling in amusement.

“Kakashi you have lived longer than the average life expectancy of a Shinobi of your calibre. I understand you are busy with Team 7, but don’t you think it’s time you at least considered settling down?” She asked, her amusement dropping at the extreme fluster Kakashi was working himself in to.

Kakashi ran his hand over his face, resting his knuckles over his lips as he looked away from the Godaime. This meeting was going worse than he could have imagined. It was bad enough that he always had Team 7 on his case about settling down but to now have the Hokage starting with him as well.

He looked over to her, feeling the heat in his cheeks deepen as it occurred to him that this might not be a choice, but instead an order. The sickness in his stomach returned as he considered what would become of his life if were forced to marry someone he did not care for.

He was not very experienced in the world of love, he had always assumed he had time for that stuff later in life. He lived for the mission, he lived for Konoha. His personal life had always been on the back burner while duty was at the forefront.

He swallowed hard, needing a way to get out of this situation, lest his quest for a true soulmate be over before it began.

He straightened himself once more, collecting and reinstating the clam he had let go of when Tsunade had revealed her true intensions.

There’s no other way…

He justified as he opened his mouth to speak.

“She’s beautiful.” He began, watching as Tsunade perked up before him. “However, she’s not really my… type.” He finished, feeling uncomfortable as the worlds fell from his lips.

“Your type?” Tsunade asked incredulously. “What’s wrong with her?” She asked, turning the picture to face her. “She’s gorgeous!” She argued, throwing her arms up in an exasperated manner.

“She is…” Kakashi conceded, nodding slowly. “But… She’s a woman.” He said quietly, his eyes shooting towards the ceiling so he would not have to see her reaction.

Tsunade blinked, her eyebrows raising sceptically as he took in the man before her. She never would have pegged him as that way inclined.

“You’re gay?” She asked softly. Kakashi nodded, his eyes slowly moving back down to focus on her.

“Really?” She asked, folding her arms. “I wouldn’t have thought it with the way you gobble up those ‘romance’ novels.” She snickered, putting emphasis on the word, romance. Kakashi felt himself blushing again, thankful for his mask.

“I enjoy the plot.” He explained, unable to maintain his eye contact.

“Are you sure you’re not just in to both?” Tsunade asked bluntly, taking Kakashi by surprise for the second time that day. He stuttered, unsure how to even answer a question like that. “Have you ever dated a man?” She asked, leaning forwards and assessing his body language. Kakashi stayed silent, he hadn’t and he wasn’t exactly sure what he was sexually. He had never dated anyone. Hence his reluctance to get married to a stranger.

“Why don’t you just give her a try?” Tsunade asked softly, picking up the photograph and holding it out for him to take. “I won’t hold it against you if you genuinely try to like her and find your personalities don’t fit. I’m not a monster, I’m not going to force you in to something you don’t want.” She explained, shaking the picture until he reached forwards and took it to stop her from talking.

Kakashi looked at it quickly before shoving it in his weapons pouch. He really didn’t want to ‘try’. He wasn’t interested. There was only one way out.

“I am dating someone.” He said quickly, catching Tsunade off guard as she had considered the matter closed. “A man.” Kakashi clarified, shifting uncomfortably once more.

“Really?” The Hokage asked, a small chuckle shaking her shoulders. “May I ask who?” She asked sweetly. Kakashi groaned inwardly, he had thought her above prying further than she already had.

He stood in silence, knowing he needed to give her a name, but unsure who. His first instinct was Guy. But thinking harder he suddenly realised this lie might require him to provide proof of his relationship and he doubted Guy could keep a straight face for long enough, even if he was willing to pretend for his Rival’s sake.

He had waited too long to answer. Tsunade was staring at him sceptically and he knew she was on to him. He needed to say a name fast. Someone that he was close enough to, to reveal his lie and yet not someone inappropriate like a current subordinate.

“Kakashi?” Tsunade asked after another few of seconds of silence. He panicked, he needed a name and now also a reason for him to hesitate so long.

“Yamato.” He answered swiftly, staring at the floor as he thought over the extent of his deception. He had wanted to say that name immediately, but had wavered due to his own confusing feelings about the younger man. He had been wondering what they had meant ever since they had been reunited and made to work alongside each other as equals.

“Really?” Tsunade asked for what felt like the hundredth time. Kakashi nodded, feeling stupid. This was never going to work. Perhaps he should just back out now.

“I…” He began, unsure where to go from here. “I was reluctant to tell you because we have a close working relationship.” He explained. “I hope I can count on your discretion with this matter.” He said formally, praying on the professional side of her.

“Yes of course…” Tsunade said slowly, sitting forwards and looking him up and down. “But this raises another problem Kakashi.” She said softly, concern in her tone. “You know I have a problem with workplace relationships regarding team compositions don’t you?” She asked.

Kakashi nodded in response his breath quickening as he realised the extent of his lie. Tenzo was not a good choice after all. He could be removed from his team and he would of course be told why. He would surely protest, explaining that Kakashi had deceived them and he would be forced to date and possibly marry the Daimyo’s daughter. Or worse in his mind at this minute, endure a very stressed and awkward working relationship with Tenzo for the rest of his career.

He closed his eyes during the silence, anxiety filling him at the stupidness of his decision.

Tsunade clicked her tongue absently, thinking before responding. “Usually in light of these circumstances I would split you up but… you seem to be working well together.” She continued, failing to notice the relaxed slump in Kakashi’s posture at her words. “Besides Naruto needs both of you, I can’t simply remove one of your from the team.” She continued, still not looking at the man in front of her.

Of course!

Kakashi thought to himself, relief flooding his system as he realised she was right.

Thank you Naruto…

He thought to himself, smiling softly and promising to buy the boy a bowl of ramen for saving him from this awkward situation. He would have no idea what he did, but Kakashi would be forever grateful.

“Look…” Tsunade started, making Kakashi stand to attention. “I have a feeling there’s something you’re not telling me.” She stated, making Kakashi hold his breath. She eyed him for the last time that day, pursing her lips and sitting back before continuing. “Just take that photo and have a think alright.” She ordered. “I’ll see you back here tomorrow to talk about it some more.”

Kakashi nodded, feeling slightly offended that his lie had not gone over exactly as he had hoped but incredibly relieved to be able to leave the uncomfortable situation. He could come up with a sturdier lie overnight. He nodded, thanking the Hokage before slipping out of the office quietly and fast walking his way through the halls.

He had to find Yamato.

 ~

 Kakashi hovered nervously as he waited outside the Missions Room for Yamato to be done filing his report from yesterday. As it had turned out, he didn’t have to look far to find him. Having left the Hokage Tower and summoning Pakkun to help him find the younger man he had been lead straight back inside and up to the second floor.

He nodded slightly at people he knew as they exited the room, raised eyebrows and quizzical looks shot in his direction as he drew attention to himself with his utterly out of place positioning.

Tenzo finished up his conversation, thanking the attendant politely and exiting the room, smiling as he caught Kakashi’s eyes. The older man gave a small wave, signalling he had been waiting for him. Tenzo’s smile widened as he stepped to the right to engage Kakashi.

“Hi?” He said, his greeting more of a question than a statement. Kakashi cleared his throat.

“Hi.” He said back, gesturing for Tenzo to keep walking as they spoke. The brunette nodded, taking the lead and heading towards the elevator. A long silence stretched between them as Kakashi came to terms with his task.

“Did you need something from me?” Tenzo asked finally, looking towards his colleague as they walked in unison. Kakashi nodded, knowing the other man could see as he cleared his throat once more.

“I uh… had a strange conversation with Tsunade today.” He began, deciding being direct was the best way.

“Yeah? What about?” Tenzo asked casually, leaning forward to press the elevator button and resting his hands in his pockets while he waited. He assumed this was going to be about Naruto. They had not had time to finish his training lately and being so busy with actual missions was taking a toll on both of them. Tsunade had told them to take an easy after their mission yesterday morning, giving them both permission to take the rest of the day off from training and just recover. He was sure now that Kakashi was about to tell him he had been reprimanded for taking the request so literally. Back to training it was.

“Well… it’s kind of…” Kakashi began, stopping suddenly as the elevator doors opened in front of him and he locked eyes with Sakura.

“Sensei. Captain.” She addressed them both with a smile. They nodded at her, Tenzo not noticing Kakashi had stopped speaking.

“Sakura.” He smiled, taking a step forwards. “Where are you off to?” He asked politely.

“Lady Tsunade has summoned me.” She answered, stepping out of the elevator and holding her hand over the door to prevent it from closing.

Kakashi felt himself go pale, not listening to the rest of the girl’s sentence as he wondered vainly if this was about him. Surely Tsunade would not go as far as to question his students about his private life… She had given her word she would be discreet.

“…Chakra technique with balled fists in case of needing to preform medical jutsu while holding a weapon.” Sakura finished, smiling proudly.

“That’s fantastic! We’re very proud.” Yamato said enthusiastically, his elbow nudging Kakashi’s side, bringing him back to the present.

“Yes.” Kakashi replied simply, unsure what exactly he was proud of. He had missed every word.

“Well we’ll let you get to it then.” The brunette smiled, stepping passed her and in to the lift. Kakashi followed, nodding to Sakura as he went by. She waved them off, hurrying excitedly towards Tsunade’s office.

“She’s such a bright girl.” Tenzo said absently, hands clasped behind his back, mirroring Kakashi’s stance from earlier.

“Yes.” Kakashi said again. Finding himself unable to say anything more than that.

“Anyway sorry what did you want?” Tenzo asked, turning to Kakashi quickly as he realised the older man had been cut off.

“Right… yeah.” Kakashi struggled, looking over at his friend uncomfortably. “Maybe this isn’t the place.” He mused aloud, watching the light indicating the floor they were on slowly tick to G before the doors opened in front of them revealing a very busy hallway that lead to streets filled with lunchtime foot traffic.

Tenzo frowned, stepping out in to the corridor and falling in to pace beside Kakashi.

“Any chance you want to have a few drinks tonight?” Kakashi asked with a laugh, hands in his pockets sweating profusely.

“This isn’t a date is it?” Tenzo joked before catching the horrified look on Kakashi’s face. His throat was dry as he tried to swallow, throwing his hands up to dispute what the other man had said.

“Calm down it was joke.” Tenzo laughed, waving a hand in front of the older man. “Sure I’ll have a drink with you.” He answered, grinning at Kakashi’s reaction as they stopped to look at one another. Kakashi nodded, unable to form words as he tried to calm his heart.

“My place.” He struggled out. “Need to talk to you about something important.”

“Alright.” Tenzo said calmly wondering what on earth this could be about. His previous assurance that this was going to be about Naruto was gone. If Kakashi wanted to talk in private he knew it was serious.

Tenzo’s gut churned uncomfortably as they agreed on a time. Kakashi smiled weakly, fleeing the scene before he could be questioned any further.

Tenzo began to wonder if perhaps there was more to this invitation than he had first assumed.

~

 Tenzo steeled himself for whatever may be waiting for him behind the door he had just knocked on. Hands on his hips in a casual manner he waited as he heard shuffling inside the apartment. Kakashi smiled as he opened the door, gesturing for his friend to come in. Tenzo thanked him, walking towards the chabudai, their usual drinking spot.

Kakashi followed, behind him nerves making his hair stand on end as Tenzo took his time to sit down in front of the short table and make himself comfortable. Kakashi moved to the kitchen bringing the Sake set he had bought for the occasion back in to the living room and placing it down in front of the other man along with 2 small glasses. He encouraged Tenzo to pour himself a glass and the man obliged.

He chuckled lightly at the racoon face on the front of the flask and laughed out loud as he picked up a cup with little ears.

“Where did you get this?” He asked, snorting as he poured a warm drink for both of them.

“The market. They were the only ones I could find.” Kakashi smiled, his own shoulders shaking at the absurdity of the Sake set. “We broke my last ones remember?” He asked, as Tenzo took a sip and pushed Kakashi’s cup towards him.

“I don’t really remember any of it to be honest.” He smiled, an intimate joke between the two of them about how trashed they had become the last time they hung out.

“Right… right…” Kakashi laughed, taking the offered cup. Tenzo placed his on the table, resting his hands in his lap comfortably before giving Kakashi a once over.

“So let’s get to the point shall we?” He asked bluntly, making Kakashi freeze. He felt the younger man’s eyes rest on his face. Kakashi smiled, reaching up to pull down his mask and downing the small glass in one gulp. Tenzo’s lips curled as he took in Kakashi’s handsome face. He had seen it many times before, but it was always a welcome surprise for Kakashi to be so open with him.

“Sure.” Kakashi replied finally, pausing for a moment before reaching in to his back pocket and placing the photo of the Daimyo’s daughter on the table in front of him. He slipped it across to Tenzo with his left hand as he poured them both a second cup with his right.

“Wow.” Tenzo whispered, a word so quiet it sounded like a simple exhale.

“Yeah.” Kakashi replied, making Tenzo blush as he realised he had been heard.

“She’s gorgeous.” Tenzo said softly, placing the photo back down on the table and sliding it back to Kakashi. The older man nodded in agreement, downing another cup of Sake before he spoke.

“Daimyo’s daughter.” He said slowly, leaning in to the backrest of his tatami chair as he felt the warmth from the alcohol begin to spread through his chest. “Earth Country, I think Tsunade said.”

“So why do you have a picture of her?” The brunette asked casually, bringing his cup to his lips as he waited for a reply.

“Tsunade wants me to marry her.” Kakashi answered, watching in amusement as Tenzo coughed and spluttered; his drink dribbling down his chin and chest. Kakashi grinned, Tenzo’s reaction to the absurdity making his own feel more justified.

“Marry her?” Tenzo choked out. “Why?” He asked, wiping at his shirt with his hand and then his mouth with his shirt.

“To improve relations between The Land Of Fire and Earth.” Kakashi answered, all the seriousness suddenly returning to the situation.

“Wow…” Tenzo said again, looking between Kakashi and the photo. “Are you going to do it?” He asked after a second of contemplation. There was a silence as Kakashi studied his own hands.

“No.” He said simply, not looking up and leaving a stunned Tenzo with many unanswered questions.

“Why?” He asked incredulously. The women in the photo was stunning. Kakashi should be so lucky…

“I don’t want to.” Kakashi answered, finally looking up. “In fact I don’t want to so badly that I’ve done something foolish.” He whispered, feeling shame bubble up inside of him as Tenzo leaned closer, eager to hear the rest of the story.

“I told Tsunade… that I’m gay.” He said hesitantly, his hands ringing together under the table as he sat up, leaning forwards. There was a few seconds of stunned silence before Tenzo replied.

“Are you?” He asked frankly. He had always wondered about Kakashi’s sexual orientation but never had the balls to ask.

“I don’t know what I am.” Kakashi said softly, his cheeks heating as he reached for the Sake once more. Forgoing the cup he took a swig from the flask before continuing. Liquid courage keeping him going. “I don’t know if I really find any one gender more attractive and I’ve never…” He paused. “Really been with anyone.” He sighed, waiting quietly for the ridicule.

“Oh.” Tenzo said simply, taking Kakashi by surprise. He wasn’t quite sure what Kakashi was admitting to, but that was really none of his business. In fact, none of this was his business. So why on earth was Kakashi telling him this? Just because they were close friends?

“That’s where you come in…” Kakashi said sheepishly, a small smile creeping on to his face as he watched Tenzo roll his eyes.

“Of course it is.” He stated, folding his arms and sitting back. “What did you do?” He asked in the manner of someone reprimanding a small child or a pet.

“She didn’t believe me that I was gay so… I told her I was dating someone.” Kakashi explained, rolling his hand in a ‘you see where this is going’ manner and making Tenzo connect the dots.

“Why me!” He asked, anger mixed with amusement written in his tone.

“Because Guy can’t keep a secret!” Kakashi shouted back throwing his arms out. “I need your help.” He said, softer this time. “Please?” He asked, widening his large eyes, tilting his head and looking up, like Pakkun did when he wanted a treat.

“Oh my God you’re so pathetic.” Tenzo sighed, unable to keep a straight face as he broke in to laughter. He shook his head, grinning like an idiot as the ludicrousness of the situation hit him full force. “For fucks sake Kakashi.” He managed through fits of laughter.

Kakashi chuckled, feeling relief flood through him as he realised Tenzo wasn’t angry with him and would also probably agree to help.

The laughter died down after a few minutes and they fell in to a comfortable silence, both sipping quietly at newly filled cups.

“So… It’s none of my business…” The brunette started, gauging Kakashi’s reaction as he spoke. He sensed no hostility so he continued. “But why don’t you want to marry her?” He asked. “What’s the real reason?”

Kakashi looked away, not really sure how to answer such an unusual question without seeming young and naive. However there really was no way for him to admit the he believed in real love without sounding stupid to someone that had been burned by it.  

“I just… um…” He paused, swallowing through his suddenly dry throat. “I think I want a chance at real love… Before I just give up and take whoever will have me.” He said, unable to look back at Tenzo, knowing full well he was red from head to toe from uttering that embarrassing statement. How ridiculous he must sound, like a young girl fawning over the idea of finding her soulmate.

“Uh.” Tenzo replied, smiling knowingly. “You’ve been reading too many of Jiraiya’s books.” He laughed, trying his hardest to bring humour in to this serious situation. “You do read them for the plot right?” He asked, making Kakashi laugh as he remembered his conversation with Tsunade earlier.

Tenzo sipped his drink, pleased with himself for making Kakashi laugh. He took the other man’s answer to heart, feeling pride in the fact that he knew it was an honest answer and one he probably would not have answered truthfully with anyone else.

 ~

 Tsunade tapped her pen against the desk repeatedly, her piercing eyes making their cheeks grow hot as she scrutinised them.

“How long have you been dating?” She asked quickly, as if to catch them off guard.

“Nine months.” They answered in unison.

“Living together?” She asked, her eye’s flicking between both of them.

“Not yet.” They answered, again in unison, making Tsunade’s eyes narrow.

“Sounds rehearsed…” She accused, standing and walking around to the front of her desk. She leant on it casually, folding her arms and making them both uncomfortable.

Kakashi pulled out the photo of Akiko, a steadied hand holding it out for Tsunade to take.

“As you can see. I’m not interested.” He said firmly, exhaling slowly as the Godaime took the photo from him. She looked at it briefly before turning her attention to Tenzo.

“Problem?” She asked, taking a step closer.

“Yes.” Tenzo answered, challenging her by taking a step forward himself. “I don’t appreciate the accusations that my partner and I are lying and I certainly don’t appreciate him being propositioned by other prospective mates.” He answered curtly.

Fantastic.

Kakashi smiled to himself. Tenzo was always so formal in the Godaime’s presence. Seemingly getting his panties in a bunch was sure to make this more believable.

“Alright, alright.” Tsunade sighed, turning around and waving the photo in her hand as she spoke. “I’m sorry, this is rude of me and you’re right it’s none of my business.” She said briskly. “You may go.”  

The men before her nodded at the same time once more before turning towards the door way.

“It’s a shame really.” Tsunade said softly, making them both freeze. “You were my second candidate Yamato.” She smiled wickedly. Kakashi’s eyes widened, turning toward Tenzo with barely concealed panic on his face. The brunette had spoken in length about how beautiful the woman in the photo was after they had filled their bellies with Sake the night before. Kakashi bit his lip, nerves coursing through him at the possibility of Tenzo selling him out for a chance with this woman.

Tenzo laughed out loud, making Tsunade balk. Kakashi exhaled shakily, feeling relieved that he could count on his friend.

“That is a shame.” He said simply. “She’s gorgeous.” He replied, pointing towards the photo before taking Kakashi’s hand in his and moving towards the door once more.

“Just one more thing boys.” Tsunade chimed in, making them both roll their eyes as they turned back to her for a second time. “You won. How about a little celebration kiss.” She asked, her hands intertwining as she leant forwards, elbows resting on her desk and a smirk on her face.

“Oh… well… we don’t really do…” Kakashi stuttered wracking his brain for an excuse better than we don’t like PDA. This was the Godaime asking them for a simple peck, he surely could not refuse. He turned to look at Tenzo, his eyes pleading. Tenzo snickered, moving in close, his arm snaking around Kakashi’s waist and pulling him flush against him before the older man could protest.

Kakashi gasped, Tenzo’s breath heating the fabric of his mask as his free hand manoeuvred up to pull it down seductively. Kakashi stared, unsure what to do as the hand that pulled down the mask rested softly on his cheek and gently pulled his face forwards. Their lips touched, tentatively at first, a soft press before Tenzo pulled away, giving Kakashi a second to register what was happening. The silver haired main licked his lips slowly, swallowing as Tenzo leant forwards once more. Their lips met again, more playful this time. Tenzo moved his mouth, encouraging Kakashi to do that same before slowly slipping his tongue in to the other’s mouth. Kakashi groaned softly in to the kiss, feeling his arousal growing down below and pressing hard against Tenzo’s hip. He closed his eyes, melting in Tenzo’s arms as their tongues mingled, heat surging through their veins as the kiss deepened.

The brunette pulled away slowly, admiring the heavy flush that coated Kakashi’s soft cheeks and the lust in his eyes. Kakashi found himself unable to move, a mix of arousal and embarrassment rooting him to the spot as Tenzo slowly pulled his mask back up before turning to address The Hokage.

Tsunade straightened herself, wide eyes blinking several times and she struggled to hide the small drops of blood she had just wiped from her nose.

“Okay.” She said simply. “I get it. There’s no way you guys could have pulled that off if you didn’t have chemistry.” She chuckled in a self-deprecating way, hoping Tenzo wouldn’t pick on her for her own obvious arousal. “You can go.” She said, waving them off as she turned back to her paperwork and tried to make herself look busy.

Tenzo grinned, taking a still paralysed Kakashi’s hand and leading him out in to the hallway, ignoring the stares he received from the ANBU guards.

“You alright?” He asked, pausing their walk when they were out of earshot to hold steady hands on either side of the older man. Kakashi nodded, unable to take his eyes from the brunette in his dazed state.

Kakashi cleared his throat, finally starting to come to his senses and feeling foolish for losing it for so long.

“Uh yes. Thank you.” He said rather awkwardly as he tried to discreetly adjust himself in a way that didn’t make his arousal obvious. He was aware Tenzo knew, there was no way he didn’t feel it when they were pressed together.

“This might be bold of me.” Tenzo began, his heart in his throat as he weighed up his options. It wasn’t too late to pull out and say something different. Looking over Kakashi’s flushed face, seeing his slightly parted lips under the mask and letting himself briefly fall back in to the memory of a minute earlier he smiled. “But I can help you with that if you like.” He said quickly, gesturing vaguely in the direction of Kakashi’s pants. The other man started, his jaw almost hitting the floor as he registered the innuendo.

“You know… because we’re going to have to keep this charade up for a while… Might as well enjoy it.” Tenzo smiled awkwardly, feeling his own blush creeping up his neck as Kakashi stared in silent shock.

“Or we could pretend I never said that!” Tenzo laughed enthusiastically, wishing the floor would open up and swallow him. Kakashi shook himself out of his daze, realising he was losing his chance and not wanting to let go. He lunged forwards, his masked lips grazing Tenzo’s as he engulfed him in a hug, unable to speak.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” Tenzo chortled, relief overwhelming him as he brought his hands up to rest on Kakashi’s cheeks once more.

“My place or yours?” He asked seductively, feeling warmth spread through his chest as their lusty eye’s locked.

End..... or is it?

UPDATE - There is now an Epilogue to this story! 

[seasonsofreckoningrp-blog]

Congratulations, Mai! You’ve been accepted for the role of Pari Omisha. Please make sure to check our checklist, and you have twenty-four hours to send us your character’s blog. We’re really happy to have you in our family!

This sample was so well-written! The paradoxes used in conjunction to the theme of Death and how much of a love/hate relationship, as well as an internal struggle for her, gave us a good look at how you are able to portray Pari. Your headcanons along with the para really painted the picture for us of how we could see Pari and we can’t wait to see more of what you will do with her!

INTRODUCTION: Mai. 22. GMT+2. She/Her.

ACTIVITY LEVEL: Honestly, my activity will vary quite a lot over the next month. I have exams soon, and I initially planned to wait with applying until I was over them, but I just couldn’t help myself (curse of being a roleplay junkie), and I need something to reward myself during my breaks between studying, so I am certain that I can uphold an activity of 4/10 until the 15th of June when I’m officially done with the semester. After that, my activity will rise to a solid 8/10. I am quite a mood-driven writer though, which means I can have slow days, and then I can have insanely productive days. I usually follow the muse while, of course, maintaining activity as best as I can and replying to the threads I have.

FURTHER CONTACT: [Removed]

HOW DID YOU FIND THE ROLEPLAY?: I was cruising through the lsrpg tag, just looking for a roleplay to join after my exams (lmao don’t judge me), but then I fell in love with this roleplay and particularly this character and all the possibilities and thought about how sad I would be to return in June just to see her taken by someone else, so here I am.

ROLEPLAY EXPERIENCE: Oh boy, I think I started roleplaying back in 2008? It was a Harry Potter roleplay in my native tongue, I was in that roleplay for probably 2 or 3 years? I only had one character and after several years, I had exhausted my muse, and I hesitantly left to try new things. I was in a couple of forum roleplays, I can’t even specifically remember what they were about, but they were all in my first language. However, back in 2011 or 2012, I discovered Tumblr roleplaying and I was immediately intrigued, wanting to try my hand at roleplaying in English. I joined a Percy Jackson roleplay where I played Clarisse La Rue, I was also there for a year before the roleplay, unfortunately, closed down. I had become good friends with the admin of that roleplay, so I followed her to the next roleplay, another HP roleplay, where I played an original character named Elizabeth, a pure-blooded Slytherin in love with a half-blood Gryffindor. I was also with that roleplay for 18 months or so, and then my muse started to die along with the roleplay, and that was it. I quickly found a new roleplay (told you guys I was a roleplay junkie), it was a Greek mythology roleplay where I consistently played Hera and Aphrodite through two revamps, I also dabbled with Rhodes and Ariadne. In total, I was with that roleplay with the same group of people for 2 years, I was even an admin for a year. After it closed down, I decided to try and get into asoiaf/got roleplaying, where, after experimenting with several characters, I ended up picking up a character that I didn’t even like very much at first, but through my own go at her portrayal - and extensive researching - I fell in love with. I am currently still portraying her with a 1x1 that I have going with my friend, which also portrays my most recent writing. You are welcome to take a look here: http://fireinmyblood.tumblr.com/ - please be aware that the latest posts there is smut, we have no warning or triggers tagged simply because we only follow each other. If you would like to avoid all the smut, then please check out: http://fireinmyblood.tumblr.com/tagged/%28thread-5%29

TRIGGERS: [Removed]

ANYTHING ELSE?: [Removed]

Having been an admin myself, I realise it can be quite daunting accepting someone whose activity won’t be impressing at first, but I promise you that I will have more time to invest in the wonderful Pari in a short month, but the opportunity to be a part of the roleplay in its opening stages, and to not let Pari slip between my fingers was just too irresistible. I think my commitment to previous roleplays prove that I am dedicated, I just need to get past my exams, and then I can give 110%. I will still be here, however, but the difference between my activity at first and later will be obvious, since I’ll probably be around almost all the time during the Summer break.

IC INFORMATION

DESIRED CHARACTER: Pari Omisha.

FACECLAIM: I am perfectly happy with the chosen faceclaim.

WHY DID YOU CHOOSE THIS CHARACTER?: There are several reasons why I fell for Pari in particular, the first is my fascination with banshees. I was quite surprised to find that as a species here, so I was immediately intrigued, and went on to search for which banshees were available, and I found Pari’s bio.

However, I quickly fell in love with the character as well. I really like her background, the story of how her family became cursed, how she is personally dealing with it, her Indian heritage and the prospect of character development. Her connections are all very interesting as well, considering what might develop with friendships and crushes, especially when you think about how she insecure she feels about her old form, and how much she worries people would stop loving and liking her, should they ever see her in such a state. I see a lot of potential for character development, and God knows I’m a sucker for that. Basically, I have a weak spot characters who are suffering from internal strife, stuck between knowing what is right and wrong, yet feeling like they have no choice but to do wrong. I love how she has chosen to become a nurse to try and balance out the darkness and lightness inside her, and no matter how hard she has worked, she is still drawn to darkness and death while looking like an innocent flower.

PARA SAMPLE: Death was the only constant companion Pari knew of. It followed her everywhere she went, she followed it too, perhaps it was not Death seeking out her instead she was the hunter of Death, always on the hunt to fill herself with the dark essence which brought so many the pain of losing loved ones. Death was her best friend, Death was her worst enemy. These uninvited dark thoughts entered her mind, refusing to leave her be as she stared down at her hands. A few wrinkles had appeared, nothing noticeable to anyone else, but she could see it as clear as day. It was the first warning sign that she had hidden from Death for too long. She was laying in her bathtub, relaxing in the warm water after a long work shift at the hospital. She closed her eyes to try and ignore it, but the heart-wrenching feeling in her gut was frustratingly insistent on being felt, it would not be ignored. The guilt tore through her veins again, no matter how many people she had helped save today, no matter the hours she spent comforting and healing others, the guilt was still there. It was no counterweight to the destruction she was forced to revel in, simply to keep her beauty intact and keep the horrid, ugly hag at bay. She looked down at her body, it was covered by bubbles from the soap, yet she could easily imagine her smooth, young skin wrinkled and stained with marks. The world was cruel to those it deemed ugly and unworthy.

As night slowly started falling, Pari found herself mindlessly driving out of Boston. She was going nowhere, in particular, but she was drawn by an invisible magnet, a pull strong enough to allow her to simply shut off her brain, only focusing on the road straight ahead without thinking of a destination. She often took drives when the Banshee inside her started acting up, it was a part of her that she desperately wished to ignore, but no matter how hard she tried, the knowledge of what would happen to her often forced her to act on the urges. Death was a relief, Death was a curse. After driving for about 30 minutes, she found herself driving into Moon Island, a place she had briefly been told about by a chatty patient. She found herself stopping her car by a cemetery. She threw her dark hair over her shoulder as she stepped out of the car, finally taking in her surroundings. The last light in the sky was dying, darkness had covered the island like a thick blanket. It felt eerie standing by her car, so close to a place where bodies laid in the ground after Death had taken their souls away. Pari could not string together an explanation for why she had stopped here, why she had even found herself on Moon Island. As she opened her car door to get away from the depressing place, her hand curled around the handle and she lost control. A scream tore its way out of her throat and into the chilling night air, it forced her head to snap back. It was terribly loud, the sound powerful enough to vibrate the windows of her car. When the scream died out, she found herself struggling to take in deep enough breaths. There was a chill in the air, the cold wrapped around her bones, encapsulating them in frost. She quickly got into her car, afraid anyone might try hunting down the source of the scream.

Pari drove further into town, her curiosity and the guilt of knowing someone would lose their life soon, both were enough to urge her forward. She continued to explore Moon Island, she let the hours pass with driving around before exploring the heart of the town as she waited. She was unsure of what exactly she was waiting for, something strange and unexplored within her forced her to stay. If someone was bound to die, perhaps she could be in the right place at the right time, either to her satisfy the supernatural hunger for death, or to help save a life. As she sat on a bench, a coffee in hand from the only shop she had found still open, she felt the unusual chill in the air prickling at her skin again. She bound her coat tighter around her waist, the moment her hand was about to let go of the leather strap, a rush of energy hit her like a tidal wave. She gasped gently and dropped the to-go cup in her other hand, coffee spilt across the ground as she was pulled to her feet. She absorbed the energy surrounding her, it was almost too overwhelming, it felt special, infinitely more satisfying than anything else she had experienced. Death was her best friend. As Pari was defeated by her Banshee side now controlling her, she blindly followed the source of the energy, so pure and powerful and so tainted by the hands of Death. She felt no shame at that particular moment, she simply felt high off the energy and its effects on her, but the shame would come for her again, the woman knew it all too well, but for now, all she could do was revel in darkness, and the whispers of the dead.

EXTRA

PERSONALITY: + kind, high-minded, intelligent

The first trait and last trait speak for themselves, I think, and although quite simple, I think these two classically good traits are really defining for Pari’s character. I also imagine her to be quite aware of morals and having her own set of morals, and although she cannot always act on it, she has a clear view of what is right and what is wrong. So she does have incredible strong morals, she just lacks the ability to always act on them, a large part of this flaw is the Banshee curse.

- troubled, stubborn, guilt-ridden

Pari can be quite troubled which can result in her seeming sullen, not very often but she is affected by her close relationship with death and darkness, and the urge she has to come people alive and wishing to see them thrive instead of faltering. These two contrasting sides often cause internal strife, which leaves her restless at night. She is also known to be quite stubborn, although it can be seen as a positive trait, it’s what has driven her to achieve her goals, it can also be dangerous when surrounded by supernatural beings, and alliances ready to destroy each other. She is, of course, very often guilt-ridden after absorbing the energy left from the dead - and even screaming despite having no control of it. She is especially guilt-ridden because she is aware that she does not need death to survive, but she is also acutely aware that no one would ever love her if she is stuck in her old form.

HEADCANONS: 1. When Pari was a little girl, her father would sing her a specific lullaby every night. Whenever she was upset even in her teenage years, he would sing it to calm her down whenever another scream was torn from her throat, condemning someone to die. When she left India, he surprised her with a special recording of the song, she sometimes still listens to her father’s voice singing it whenever she’s stressed or sad. It is safely tucked away in a box below her bed.

2. During her years studying at university, one of the first nights in her new home, she woke up her entire dorm by letting out one of the loudest screams to date. She successfully managed to convince all of them that she simply suffered from bad nightmares, but soon after she found a small house to live, with help from her parents, so she could be left alone and not hear the whispers of how the strange foreign girl wailed at the oddest times.

3. Pari is usually the patients’ favourite nurse, she sits with them even after her shift has ended if they are very sick, or even if they are dying, she holds their hands and tells them stories, even sometimes singing. She always wears a bright smile, never allowing them to see her sad or upset. Even though Pari is very kind by nature, this also satisfies a more selfish need. She does not allow anyone to come too close, she has plenty of friends sure, but there is always a barrier between herself and the others, so this closeness with the patients, the feeling of actually cheering others up, it quickly grew addicting for the woman who fed on death.

NOTE: I am aware my para sample is quite short, I am currently cursed with a headache, but I wanted to send in the app regardless, so I hope it is alright. I am usually a bit more detailed in my writing, but I feel like it’s a good representation of the skeleton of my writing :)