A Fresh Start
(Widowmaker/Male!Reader)
Requested by: @widows-knight, who asked for a wedding-day request with a male reader and a pregnancy announcement at the end.
Word Count: 3,462
A/N: I originally tried to keep the request relatively simple, but the prompt developed a mind of it’s own and I kind of ran away with it! I hope you enjoy it!
Also- ngl, I must have spent what felt like a day researching flower symbolism for this (; v ;)
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For as long as she had been in Talon, Amélie never dreamed that she’d live to see the day she’d see the familiar sight before her again; albeit, she looked just a little bit different than her first wedding.
She stood before a mirror in a white dress, hair neatly done and tied and braided (courtesy of an incessant Sombra) into a bun, and lips painted with a dark plum-purple lipstick. White silk and lace flowed over blue skin like water, pale roses sewn delicately into the lace sleeves. Cheekily enough, Amélie found a few spiders hiding among the sea of roses, and she just knew that you had slipped in an extra request to the tailor.
She chuckled at the thought and briefly wondered how long it would take you to notice the small butterfly woven into your boutonniere.
Behind her, Amélie can see Sombra idly fiddling around with the thin bride’s veil while Gabriel leaned against the wall.
It had been surprisingly easy to invite the two of them to her wedding, Sombra practically jumping at the opportunity; though Amélie had to keep a close eye on her to make sure the younger woman didn’t cause too much mischief. Gabriel, on the other hand, hardly batted an eye at her request.
In fact Amélie thought the broody man wouldn’t even come- as he was never one for social gatherings, anyway. However, he had showed up to help her get ready in a suit that looked like it had seen better days, and seemed to at least try to be more sociable for her sake. Which, truthfully, was enough to make her almost crack a smile.
Even whenever the two started their bickering (“Oye, viejo, quit slouching-” “Oh, be quiet, you brat.”), it hardly dampened the mood. Instead earning an eye-roll and a low chuckle from her while she did her eye make up. She’ll let it slide just for now. If anything, it only added to the strange little family dynamic they had.
It helped her take her mind off knowing that you were out there waiting for her, likely nervously fiddling with the buttons on the cuffs of your suit, and blissfully unaware of the little surprise in the making.
She lowers a slender hand to her stomach and gently bites down on her lower lip.
Your relationship has always been...active, to put it lightly. Not that she was complaining. Oh no, far from it. It wasn’t even the highlight of the thing you had together.
Around you, Amélie was able to actually feel. Every moment spent around you gave her the sense of normalcy that had been ripped away from her. You didn’t shy or cower away from her the first time you met her; even going so far as to learn French to grow closer to her. Though you were more or less tongue tied after you had oh-so boldly approached her, and that had gotten her attention.
She gently chuckles to herself at the memory, the buzz of pleasurable warmth growing stronger and her cheeks flushing a light purple.
At the time, Amélie had no idea what it was about you that interested her.
Perhaps it was the way you seemed so earnest in your attempts to get to know her that intrigued her. Or maybe it was because of cute you looked all flustered and stumbling over your french- and she hardly ever used to word cute for anything.
Whatever the reason may be, she had let you come closer to her- a choice she never once regretted. And neither did she regret saying yes when you had quietly kneeled before her to pop the question.
The hand on her middle tenses and her brows crease as she gave her reflection a tight-lipped smile. While her heart rate was still worryingly low from Talon’s poking and prodding, Amélie swore that she felt it race.
And it wasn’t just because of wedding-day jitters.
“Have you told him yet?”
Gabriel’s sudden question snapped her from her thoughts, causing her gaze to move to his reflection behind her.
He hadn’t moved at all from his place on the wall, but his normally stern (or as Sombra dubbed it, his “resting bitch face”) had softened a fraction as he gave her a small frown. From her place on the armchair not too far behind Amélie , Sombra piped up before the bride could answer.
“No, she hasn’t.”
Amélie turns from the mirror to give the younger woman a hard stare, which merely earned her a shrug. Gabriel sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, his brow twitching; the sight not too far off from an exasperated father.
He’s interrupted before he has the chance to lecture her.
“Chut toi. I don’t plan on hiding it from him.” the hand at Amélie ’s side tightens into a fist as she shoots the taller man a curt look. “It’s just..”
She trails off, her lips falling into a tense line.
Talon had broken her down mentally and physically, taking her whole being and filling it with poison that burned away at her core until a fleshy, twitching wound was left. The pain excruciating as it tore away inside of her and molded her into the perfect little pawn Talon wanted: a living weapon.
Already pale skin turned a sick, chalky white until it took on a blue hue, giving her an unnatural appearance. Her skin was now cold to the touch, almost as if she was a walking corpse. Had it not been for the fact that she could very faintly feel her pulse every now and then, Amélie would’ve thought her heart had stopped a long time ago.
So naturally, Amélie assumed her body just wasn’t able to do certain things anymore.
Then the two little pink lines on her pregnancy test had to completely blindside her, throwing her for an emotional loop.
It wasn’t that she didn’t want to have children; she had played with the idea of starting a family before Talon’s influence, after all. Having a child to teach ballet or proudly show off their feats had especially warmed her heart enough to almost propose the idea to Gérard.
Of course, that was all before she had her life destroyed and her first husband killed at her own hands.
A bitter smile formed as she crossed her arms, nails digging into lace.
Well, if she had thought parenting would be stressful before, than she was certain that it would be a downright disaster now. Would the child even be healthy? What if it would only bring regret, causing a strain in your relationship?
A slender, warm hand claps onto her shoulder, forcing Amélie back into the present.
Sombra at least had enough manners to give her a somewhat sheepish smile. Just as the younger woman opened her mouth, Gabriel interrupted her.
“You do realize this is him, we’re talking about, right?” Gabriel’s gruff voice takes on a note gentle enough to catch the attention of both women before him.
His face hadn’t changed much, but the concerned frown was enough to emphasize the thin scars and lines littered across his face- showing off years of stress and strain.
“The guy has it bad for you, Guillard. If he’s stuck around long enough to get the balls to propose to you, then a pregnancy won’t be an issue for him.”
“..It also helps that you have the man whipped.” Sombra grins beside her as Gabriel rolls his eyes. Though Amélie can see the ghost of a smile on his face before he covered it by coughing into a closed fist
“Sombra-”
“Oh, did you want me to get mushy with it, old man?” Sombra snorts, gently turning Amélie ’s head towards herself. Purple eyes glance over to Gabriel and motion towards the door, staring at him before he relents with a huff.
“I’ll wait for both of you outside. Try not to take too long unless you want to give the soon-to-be husband a heart attack.”
“Well, when you say it like that-”
She’s cut off as Gabriel shuts the door, leaving the two women alone. A few moments of silence passed before Sombra hears a slightly muffled “ahem” next to her, and she turns over to meet Amélie ’s slightly squished face.
She grins and the frenchwoman huffs before promptly prying herself away from Sombra’s grip.
After briefly checking in the mirror to see if her makeup was smudged, Amélie turns back to Sombra, brows furrowed.
Yellow eyes meet purple, neither women saying a thing as the two of them stood in silence. A few moments pass and Sombra is the first to break the silence, her voice uncharacteristically quiet as she grabs onto her taller friend’s shoulders.
“He loves you a lot, you know.” Amélie quietly nods, more to herself. Sombra gives her a tiny smile, quietly laughing to herself as she continues.
“Did you know he asked me if I knew any French so he could talk to you? Me of all people! And he didn’t think I would mess with him when he did- even after I told him whatever bullshit came into mind!”
Suddenly, your stuttered and near-nonsensical phrases made a lot more sense.
“A part of me almost felt bad when I did it; pobrecito bebé just didn’t know any better,” Sombra waves her hand, a small smirk on her face. “To be honest, I was expecting you to shoot him down like you did the others.”
Her brows furrowed as her smirk fell slightly, a smile taking its place.
“So imagine my surprise you had this funny look on your face-”
“You were watching us the entire time?” Amélie already knew the answer to that question, but she couldn’t help but feel the tiniest bit of annoyance flare up at it.
The Mexican only gives her a tiny shrug and a sheepish grin as she continues.
“Anyways, you didn’t look like you hated him, so I mostly just left you two be then. But then he just kept coming back to me for help, always so eager to try and get closer to you.”
Sombra’s face took on a softer appearance, a near giddy smile on her face.
“Even when the two of you had your down moments, he stuck by; just trying to understand the best way he can.”
Amélie blinks, eyes stinging slightly as her friend reached up to put in the bridal veil; careful not to undo hours of work put into her hair. Thin lace lightly brushes against her bare neck, the fabric the tiniest bit itchy as it falls over her face.
Sombra steps back to admire her handiwork, silent as she places a hand on her chin as she looks Amélie up and down. Purple lips purse for a moment, before she nods and looks back up to meet her friend’s stare.
She sighs, her face falling into a look of unbridled warmth.
“What I’m trying to say is that I think he’s going to keep trying to do his best for you. And I say this as the person who had to deal with him fussing over what do to make you happy.”
Though she could feel her chest begin to grow tight and her vision grow slightly blurry, Amélie breathed out a quiet laugh as Sombra placed a hand on her cheek.
“..Plus the old man and I kinda already gave him our blessing without telling you. I don’t know if I should be saying sorry about that right now, but we just wanted to let you know that we think you deserve something good-”
Sombra trails off as cool flesh meets her hand, the pair locking eyes as Amélie gives the shorter woman a small but grateful smile.
“..Thank you, Sombra.”
“Pssh, don’t get all soft on me now, hermosa. You’re supposed to save that for the actual wedding part,” Sombra laughs, but Amélie can see her wipe at the corner of her eye with her other hand through the lace curtains of her veil.
A sharp knocking fills the air, causing the two women to look over as Gabriel opens up the door. He pauses for a moment, suddenly feeling a bit awkward as he took in the sight before him. He clears his throat, glancing off into the hallway.
“...Do the two of you need more time?”
Amélie is the first one to collect herself, taking in a deep breath before stepping forward.
“We were just wrapping things up,” She pauses for a moment. “...Where did you two put the bouquet?”
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Not too far away from the trio, you were left to wait for your soon-to-be-wife at the altar; your chest tight and heart nervously fluttering as you periodically glanced into your reflection in a nearby window.
Every strand of hair and small wrinkle was heavily scrutinized, quickly tucked in place and neatly smoothed back; your fingers slightly shaking each time you did so. It was a little tedious, but it was enough to mostly take your mind off how nervous you were while you waited.
Then your eyes would wander to the flower on your lapel. A single, deep-red carnation sitting in the button hole and then to the tiny, silk yellow butterfly carefully placed in the center, and your heart races and a trace of cold sweat begins to form.
To say that you were nervous would be an understatement.
You let out a shaky sigh and adjust your tie one last time before turning away from your reflection. For what must have been the twentieth time today, you scanned the room of people in front of you.
Oblivious to the groom’s plight, the neatly-dressed crowd of guests chatted and laughed amongst themselves as they waited for the main event, enveloping the room in a relaxed air.
You could make out a few familiar faces of family members here and there, as well as some of the members of your unit scattered throughout; most of which were taking the occasional swig from flasks they snuck in in between conversation.
A good chunk of the population here were mostly people you invited, which weren’t a lot of people. Amélie , meanwhile, hardly invited anyone at all save for Gabriel and Sombra. Which didn’t bother you, truthfully.
While Gabriel may scare you a little and though Sombra had messed with you a majority of your time knowing her, you knew well that Amélie had come to care for them greatly. And in her line of work, friends were few and far between. Most of one’s time with Talon was spent wondering whether or not they’d get to live another day.
After how far she’s come, Amélie deserved to have those two by her side on her big day. Where, you hope, it would only be the start of a lasting and happy marriage.
You take in a shaky breath and ran a hand through your hair. You hadn’t seen Amélie since this morning on account of your bride not wanting to bring any bad luck, and it’s been stressful. Your mind kept drifting to a hundreds of “what-ifs”; Amélie getting cold feet and leaving you the most prominent one.
It certainly didn’t help that she’s been behaving oddly since a few weeks ago, having been caught more than once staring young couples whenever the two of you were out on dates; especially ones who had a child or two with them. Amélie had of course tried to reassure you was nothing wrong before changing the subject, but a nagging part of you insisted otherwise.
Your anxiety over the situation only grew worse when you woke up in your shared bed to Amélie vomiting in the bathroom a week before your wedding. She had insisted that it was just from an upset stomach, but it had done nothing to quell your nerves.
Someone clears their throat nearby, nearly making you jump. You turn to see Gabriel standing beside you and he moves to pat at your shoulder- stoic face breaking slightly to offer awkward comfort.
“She’s coming in a bit. We just had some, ah… minor difficulties.” he coughs, moving his arms behind his back.
Before you even had the chance to wonder just what the hell the other man meant by that, Gabriel looks towards the entrance of the room and Sombra- who had her upper torso poking out between the cracked double doors- shoots him a thumbs up.
Just like that, he gives you one last rough pat on the shoulder before stepping away to stand next to the altar. The officiant, who had silently stood back and waited, cleared his throat-causing you to nearly jump, as you completely forgot he was there- and take his place at the small podium behind you.
The double-doors open up with a groan that filled the room, a hushed silence fell over the crowd. Your breath hitches as you take in the sight of Amélie making her way towards you, white lace following and flowing with each step.
A carefully arranged- and from the looks of it, slightly battered- array of blue roses and slender rain lilies sat in her hands. Though their petals had suffered some damage, it did nothing to take away from their beauty; their colors still vibrant and rich, and full of life.
Beside her, Sombra was attached to the crook of her arm- a smaller bouquet of her own in her free hand- as the two walked down the aisle. The two of you lock eyes and she gives you a grin and tried to shoot you a pair of finger guns- albeit failing with her since her were hands full.
Though you couldn’t see it, you were sure Amélie fondly rolled her eyes.
When the two finally reach the altar, you find yourself at a loss of words, your breath hitching as you stare at the veil of lace in front of you. Perhaps it was a bit predictable of you, but at this very moment, even with her face concealed, Amélie never looked more stunning like she did now.
The officiant’s droning fell on deaf ears as you gave your soon-to-be wife a watery smile.
You mouthed a small ‘I’m happy that I met you’, chest tight as the situation began to settle in.
It wasn’t until when you finally lifted up Amélie ’s veil and kissed her that you began to feel wetness gather at your eyes, and your cheeks stinging from how hard you were smiling.
The entire room erupted in cheers and shouts of congratulations all around you, and you were certain that Sombra had shouted something ridiculous because you hear Gabriel burst out into rare laughter.
Though you paid the noise no mind as a cool hand reached up to gently wipe at the corner of your eye, and the sight of your wife- cheeks flushed and eyes soft- with a small smile on her face. Eager, you slowly move her hand away from your face to slide the ring on her finger.
You fully welcomed the tears gently rolling down your face at this point, you hear Amélie in front of you gently laugh; light-heartedly chastising you for working her up this much as she wipes at her eyes.
The rest of the evening passed by in a blur, joy and merriment filled the air and creating a pleasurable buzz. Guests gradually began to trickle out as the sun turned a burnt-orange as the sun began to set down the horizon.
Gabriel and Sombra were the last guests to leave, the two of them shooting their friend a look you couldn’t quite read. Amélie huffs at this before shooing them away and Sombra’s laughs before the door closes; leaving you alone with your new wife.
The two of you were silent, but that didn’t bother either of you in the slightest; too blissed out to let it do so.
As the two of you moved towards the exit, towards the sleek limousine that’ll escort the two of you for the day, Amélie promptly stops just when you were about to open the door.
Confused, you turn to look towards her, and see her lips drawn into a thin line.
“I need to tell you something before we go,” her words curt, worry bleeding into her tone as a hand smooths the lace of her sleeves.
“Of course. Is there something wrong?”
“Non, Non. It’s just..” she sucks in a deep breath.
“I’m pregnant.”
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Ironman New Zealand Race Report March 2, 2019
Welcome masochists and insomniacs. When people ask me about my races, I usually try to deliver a balance of facts (split times, data, total race time) and feelings (mind & body perceptions, key moments) in an entertaining yet succinct report. As usual, that often means STRONG LANGUAGE. Here goes:
Prologue:
A few weeks prior to the trip, I learned that I’d been selected for the “Ironman New Zealand Experience,” an online contest, administered with typical Kiwi approach by the local council. Read: relaxed, with ZERO Ironman lawyers involved. Six men and six women were selected--based on online posts--to learn a haka, perform at the athlete dinner and attend an after-race luncheon that included a presentation and performance of Maori history and traditions.
I suspect my "pick me! pick me!” post got me plucked from a small applicant pool. Supporting evidence: of the twelve selected, two others were my training buddies from Chicago, Christine B. and Bernie Mc. SIDE NOTE: Each winner was allowed one additional guest at the luncheon--so a very special thanks to Christine for graciously counting my wife as her guest which meant I had both my wife and son at the luncheon.
Haka is Maori for “breathe fire.” Historically, hakas were performed by Maori warriors prior to battle. These days they are performed ceremonially to celebrate major milestones (marriage, retirement), honor important guests or--perhaps most notably--to intimidate opponents at athletic events (here’s a link). Outside of New Zealand, the most famous and awe-inspiring hakas are performed my the Maori All-Blacks National Rugby team prior to each match.
I learned that there are hundreds of haka versions, each with its own inherent weight baked into the story it’s presenting. Although it was very different than the aggressive, male-only, pre-battle version the All-Blacks perform, I personally felt a tremendous honor and reverence for the one we learned.
The haka preserves indigenous culture, energetically injects traditional language into a modern forum, gathers and channels group energy by seamlessly melding ritual gesture and movement with raw emotion. It all adds up to a sum greater than it’s parts that’s simultaneously respectful and rebellious. Taken as a whole, the haka is something like how the Incredible Hulk would dance if the Incredible Hulk danced.
All of which is just to say that before I even started the race, I’d already experienced that tremendous joy that comes with receiving an unexpectedly perfect gift. IMNZ was already a success before the race even started. Now, let’s get back to facts...
Total race time = 11:33
Not a PR, but a mature result. “Mature?” you may be wondering, “Really?” Granted, few people would describe anything I do as mature, so perhaps a better word is un-deluded. Why? Because plantar fasciitis made for a “No-Run November” (all long runs performed in a pool), I hadn’t done enough resistance training, and winter holidays not only make it impossible to train, they make it nearly impossible to fuel properly.
In his book, Elite Minds, Dr. Stanley Beecham suggests giving yourself a W when you trained your best and an L if you didn’t. My record for this training sequence (Nov-Feb) was 89-20-11. ( I gave myself T for Ties on days when training went right but something else went bad...usually diet.) In other words, a respectable-but-not-stellar W average (.741) earned a respectable-but-not-stellar result.
But still, the haka was awesome.
Pre-Race
Slept well. Ate well. No mechanical issues. Huddled briefly with most of the training buddies and Iron sherpas prior to warming up properly in the water.
Swim (1:06 total swim time)
Clear sighting, aggressive line, good tactics (drafted when possible), and even got some help from the current towards the end. That said, the two turn buoys at the far end were both a raucous scrum. First time I ever took a hard shot to the lip. My best swim ever.
T1 (7:49)
"T1 is a 400 meter run from the swim out...” My ass. If that’s 400 meters, I’m Leslie Jones from SNL. Plus, AFTER the “400 meters,” a winding grass staircase comparable to any third-floor-walk-up or Wisconsin helix--easily another +50 meters at an +8% grade.
Once I did get up Mount Metric Bullshit, I moved right along. Sprayed on some sunscreen, stuffed a plastic bag under the regular bike jersey with some light gloves (in case it was nippy for the first hour), shoes on in the tent. Go.
Bike (5:38, technically a bike PR)
Two loops. Windy? A tad. The outbound tailwind was so strong, I struggled to maintain target watts. Get that? I didn’t have to pedal as hard as I’d trained to because I was easily traveling +20 mph on flat sections. Ditched the plastic bag and gloves at the first aid station because it was sunny and mild and I was feeling really great. Of course, logic dictates that inbound would be a shitstorm. Which it was. Oy. Mixed with some crosswinds too just in case you, oh I dunno...tried to pee on the bike and took too long...or wanted to take in some nutrition. Nasty. I caught myself using a bastardized mantra from IMAZ, “Frontside fast side, backside strong side” which morphed into “Out bound, throw down; In bound, get down.” whenever I was tempted to chase or draft.
A word on drafting: it’s illegal in Ironman races. BUT! By slipping into the draft zone of somebody passing faster than you are passing then letting them go, you can save energy and still stay within the letter and spirit of the rule. That said, 12 meters = 6ish bike lengths so don’t be the fucko that lingers.
Repeated that song and dance inbound on both loops. It’s a terrible thing when you can’t stay in aero-position because you gotta pee but can’t pee because the wind stuffs any momentum you need to keep your leg straight long enough to break the seal. But it WILL keep you legal.
For you data geeks: Normalized Power was 197 but I AVERAGED 20 m.p.h.
Another notable: the bone-shaking chip-seal they use to pave most New Zealand roads. It just rattled my whole rig from pedals to fingertips to helmet. That shit literally rattled my Torpedo bottle right out from between my aero-bars about halfway through. I’d already taken in the nutrition so I left it (apologies to all the Tidy Kiwis and the whole leave-it-like-you-found-it philosophy) and just held fresh bottles in with my thumbs as needed.
T2 (4:13)
Efficient but could have been a tad quicker. At this point in the race, I was on plan, feeling good and ready to attack the run. Nutrition was on point. Legs were solid, stomach was a non-issue and weather conditions were near ideal. Sunny and delightful low 70s. I was actually looking forward to Run Special Needs where I’d planted a fresh shirt and an extra bottle of nutrition.
Run (4:36 aka: avg 10:39/mi)
I went sub-4 hours in Louisville under raining mid-40 degree conditions. If I could have just matched that, I’d have delivered a juicy PR of under 11 hours.
It seemed reasonable that flat IM-LOU shitstorm would vaguely equate to hilly IM-NZ sunny delight, yes?
No.
That three loop run over what my training bro Andrew T. would call offensive hills was having none of that nonsense. Turns out, I was woefully undertrained. My legs were just not up to the second and third loop of hills, despite biking to plan, executing nutrition properly, and taking the first loop at a very easy RPE.
In past reports I’ve shared some of the actual mental chatter that runs through my head but in this case none of my mantras were very interesting or helpful. What I have learned to do when I’m truly falling apart is to reinvest in technique. Focus on the extremely immediate present, which I used to counter punch one particularly angry and persistent neg that I just couldn’t shake. See if you can pick it out of the following scientifically gathered brainwave transcription:
...chatter-chatter-chatter...BREATHE...left-right-left-right-Toe-off-knees-up-hands-up-lean-easy-at-the-ankles-glutes-tucked-somebody-fucking-LIED-to-me-goddamBREATHE!-Toe-off-knees-up-hands-up-lean-easy-at-the-ankles-glutes-tucked-somebody-fucking-LIED-to-me-goddamnit-Toe-off-left-right-left...chatter-chatter-chatter...BREATHE
On a slightly more-vulnerable note, I will share this: typically, a few tears leak out at special needs. Hormones? Pain? Mental breakdown/relief that the marathon is half over? All of the above, probably. Just a few moments of a grown man losing it. (Do NOT watch Ricky Gervais’ After Life while jet lagged. But DO watch it. Amazing. Shut up. Don’t judge my process.)
Anyway, I was all business during the Special Needs of this run but lost it right after a particularly steep descend where some guardian bros had set up an “unofficial aid station” consisting of Red Bull, handles of vodka, and liters of Jaegermeister. A runner just ahead of me had grabbed something off their card table and their robust cheering were suddenly horrific screams warning him off of chugging it. I was just tickled and toasted at the same time and it all came gushing out. Just all kinds of quads burning gasping ugly face craughing (learned that word from a tweet praising After Life, btw). Of course my male ego would NEVER allow me to overly express vulnerability in front of the drunken bros, thoughtful though they were. So I kept running. A woman running along side me kindly asked if I was okay, I said, “Oh...yeah...this...just happens,” between gulping breaths, “The good...news...is...it’s much...later...than usual.” Which cracked her up, so... y’know, pay it forward.
After slogging my way through the third loop, and making my way through the finishing chute, where the normally incomparable Mike Reilly butchered my last name, I was told that I’d been on the leaderboard during the bike and immediately fell off during the run.
So even though I did not over-bike, I did under-train. Plus, I did not need to go directly to Medical in shock, which suggests that my race plan, nutrition strategy and execution was pretty spot on. IMAZ was a PR of 11:19 and IMNZ was 11:33.
OVERALL RACE GRADE: C. Just a C.
OVERALL EXPERIENCE GRADE: A+
As with prior races, IMNZ yielded some incremental improvements. As I said at the top, this was a mature result, with which I am unsatisfied. I haven't yet done my best race. I haven’t yet DONE MY BEST. There is clearly opportunity for improvements to all five aspects of my racing:
Swim was well executed. Still room for growth.
Bike was properly executed. Adequate. If anything, I could have pushed more.
Run. Ugh. Time to throw myself into Runner’s World and CARA and make like Forrest Gump and Prefontaine and Mo. Also, back to Hokas. Or maybe Altras. The Brooks I ran in were farts. The blisters on my toes had blisters. Not kidding.
Fuel strategy and execution was on point, although I was a few kilos heavier than previous races. Holidays and too few resistance training sessions.
Transitions were adequate.
Am I one of the guys at the pointy end of the bell curve? Clearly still yes. Maybe I’ve just evolved beyond a standard group training plan. Self-Coach? I’ve got the credentials and experience. Back to a previous coach? Maybe a new coach? I’d take some applications. Yes.
In the meantime, I’ll see you in Chattanooga for some 70.3 action in May, 2019. That’s only two build cycles. Ima go noodle around in TrainingPeaks.
WAIT. HERE’S THE BERNIE STORY...
Bernie McNally is one of those people I am just glad to have in my life. This race report would be wholly inadequate if I didn't share how this amazing woman is absolutely unstoppable.
First, she got everybody who trained for New Zealand (at Well-Fit) a fleece.
I forgot to mention she broke her ribs in a bike accident a few months ago.
Then, in what can only be described as the luck of the Irish, she charmed her way into the “New Zealand Experience” haka class. Just showed up and got in. Turns out one of the women selected didn’t show up. Classic.
Here’s the unstoppable part: at around Mile 110 of the New Zealand Full fucking Ironman race, she hit a cone and went over her bike handle bars. Road rash up her arm, split her knee open and cracked her head/helmet on a curb. A bystander said, “Do you need some help? I’m calling an ambulance.”
Her reply?
“Just help me get my chain back on.”
So he did. And she finished the bike. The medics in T2 told her she needed stitches. She said she didn’t have time, to just patch her up so she could get on with it. She finished the race with half an hour to spare. Words fail.
All I know is this: whenever I’m feeling like I can’t get it done--and it can be anything from driving in traffic to folding laundry to a holding pace on a long run--I know exactly what I’ll hear.
A thick, sassy, Irish brogue doing the haka.
WITH GRATITUDE FOR…
I’m very grateful to my lovely wife Susan and my wonderful kids, Peter and Veronica for their support. Susan, you are my salvation.
I’m grateful to have the expert professionals Coach Russ and Coach Sharone and the entire Well-Fit staff and athletes who generously share their wisdom.
I’m grateful to my inspiring and impressive training partners. Especially the seven hardcore savages that got it done in New Zealand--Adam, Christine, Dan, Kelly, Megan, Mike, Will and Bernie.
I’m very grateful to anybody willing to excuse my terrible smell, deplorable language and barbaric sounds during training.
Maximum gratitude to Well-Fit, Get-A-Grip, Fleet Feet and all the pools I use.
I’m grateful for Crushing Iron (C26), Matt Fitzgerald, Joe Friel, Training Peaks, Scott brand bikes, Apple, Ironman.
Thank you to all the on-course maniacs cheering and making signs and wearing all sorts of crazy outfits to show love and support. For strangers exercising.
I’m grateful that I’m able to race triathlons. I’m grateful to you for reading.
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Clone Wars Episode 19
Storm over Ryloth
Inter-
sting
I
know
(how )
this
likely
means
‘storm’
as
into
breach
or,
to
take
by
force
But I can’t help thinking about space
weather
It’s
so
fricking
cool
But getting into the
story;
[Quote; It is a rough road ahead, leads to
the height of greatness
I’ve spoken about this before;
You don’t need suffering or conflict
to be great
(Or to write
a good story)
Productivity (and happiness)
doesn’t require suffering
Someone might heck you over but that’s just a
momentary inconvenience
When you’re chasing
(and doing)
your dream
And it won’t really matter
after you’re done dealing with it
And in light of
your actual goal
Now continuing on;
Droid army
I like how it’s
“subjected,”
Like
you know the adults can get out of this at any time
Same brain,
Same abilities
(Yes)
Same in-
tell-I
gence
(Same
Ability
(To
escape)
And
are
assholes
if
they
dragged
children
into
this
(Enablers
if
they
didn’t
(Directly)
Starving
Again,
Fixable
Also,
one
blockade
Screws
You
Over?
You can’t
like
self sustain
On
your
own
planet?
That’s..
kinda
cringe
,bro
Evil
Is anyone not
in this circumstance?
Like not the children
obviously...
Watt-ton-boar
Interesting
Name
Also please be more nuanced and
put in more
Thought than
the colonizers
episode
Please
(My head
can’t stand
that headache.)
.. .
“Iron
fist,”
Well
he
is
made
out
of
iron
(Or
at least
a metal suit,)
Senate
Oh
Palpatine
cares!
(I know
not really
but run
with me
on this)
Grand army of the
Republic
Mount
a
bold
-
offensive
Again the escalation of this goes
from 10
to 1
It’sa amazing
Like
last
episode
was
biological
warfare
(Now
it’s
a
grand
army)
And it’s just
off the chart
how this conflict works
Going from
stabbing each other
To throwing
more
paper
airplanes
at
each
other
(None
of
it
done
seriously)
And without any
consideration to
how terrifying
that is
with children...
involved
Like
it’s their game
but their actual living
nightmare
That...
they’ll
be
left
to
clean
up, if
it doesn’t kill them first
That’s
terr-
-fying
Also
this
is
one
planet
(System?)
(But you
showed...
Ergh
In-
Consistent-ly
Asoka
is
already
glaring
And
more
focus
on
her
Than
Anakin
Aight
Really
focusing
on
Ahsoka
there
movie
Anakin
gets
shifted
by
the
holograms
Obi-wan’s
Ground
Assault
Seriously
it’s one planet
Big
Planet
Big
Station-
Oh I thought Obi-Wan
- was flirting with the villains again
Never mind
it’s just some random
Sergeant
(Good for
him)
And like the
Titanic he’s
fecking
jinxing
it
“Un-
destructible”
Yeah
I know
a few people
that said that
Tragic
irony,
get
‘em
Okay
Dude has
mood lighting
Knows the
Republic is going to attack
Let’s
get
the
shitshow
on
the
road
(The battle that’s
likely going to unfold,
not the story,)
Surprise
In-teresting
so good
so far
You
Re-public
Invade
Good
for
him
Get-ting
assigned
an
important
mi-ssion
Good
Into the Blue!
(Here
we
go)
Aight
Let’s
See
Okay
Lots
of
build up
for
the
admiral
Aight
Hey the clone actually talk to him in an accurate show of decent accountability
Good
Job
I like the Admiral
when he’s not micromanaging stuff
He looks practically
adorable
- with his little mustache...
“Prepare for battle,”
Never mind it was ruined by logic
that they
should
always be ready for battle
They are on a
war ship after all
-still a nice moment
Raise the shields
- Fair order
Aight,
two
more
This...
is Anakin’s command after
all
Aight
Right
Okay
Good for them.
Okay
Ahsoka gets a starfighter
Why?
Commanding
a
squadron
Wait
they gave her a squadron?
I thought-
The character
is a Mary Sue
There
DONE
[either that or
Yoda’s an idiot]
Or, Anakin an
unaccountable
bastard
[They’re both
un-accountable]
“Idiot,” is just short for an
unaccountable
at this point
[I can’t stand
to correct it every time]
Any-way
Let’s make a good
impression
That was almost a good child-like
impression
Still a bit too much emotion and not
stunted enough
But fine...
As
is...
—-
“ of course
I’m not
nervous,”
Never- mind
there it went
with all the goodwill
towards the character
- Who shouldn’t
be capable of nervousness
Shit show
on the
road
[”Snips,”
First
Command
Nervous
All the things wrong with that conversation
with a child
Good
Job
Every-one
Abom
ination
De-pend-
ing
Child
soldier
...
Lives?
Who
put
the
child
soldier
in
charge,
Also
Bull
Shit
Adults
Pressure
Off
Whatever
.....
Handle
It
Aight
And...
Great
Back
Force
be
with
you
Made the presence of self
(which you can’t have because you’re a child)
Be with
You
“I won’t let you down”
Child.
Soldier.
Hope
Aight
[Mary
Sue,]
Okay
]
It’s...
rolling
out
Kick-
Back
....
Knows
Some
Non
-Sense
Is
going-
down
-
He’s
likely
going to die
Being
the only person
that sees something
wrong
with the
whole
“child soldier,”
Leader
-ing
thing
...
Aight
‘Mother
Bird,’?
Please tell me
that isn’t Ahsoka‘s
nickname?
Couldn’t it
have been
anything else?
[i’m aware “mother,”
Generally
Refers
To
Base
Or
Lead
-ing
-
Ship
-
Just
that
we
see
plenty
of
other
names
-
For the
lead ship
-
That
would’ve
been
less
- - -
Dis -
turb
-ing
(It’s a nitpick
but one
that I will carry
to my grave)
(She’s a hec’kin
Child!)
I am a little bit
fumed
At them never writing
her like one
And
still trying to take any credit for
good writing
.....
Shows on the
roll
Aight
..Those
Do...
...
Kinda.
look
like
vultures
..
Maybe
wrong
ship
...
IDk
..
Okay
There
They
Go
..
Aight
...
There
They
Go
...
Perfect
time
to
get
your
Padawan
involved
...
Back with this
guy..
“Lau-,”
Okay
when I originally heard this
(I
paused
it)
I thought he was saying “lunch”
To show his decadence
or lack of care,
What he’s actually saying is a
“Launch,”
Still
good
(A
(relatively)
smart
move)
Just
a
funny
anecdote
Okay
Again
what
is
with
the
mood
...
lighting?
(On his
hat?)
Okay
....
Right,
Whelp
They’re
screwed
(Way to send the
inexperienced Padawan first dickhead,”)
Also; where the heck is
Obi-Wan?
Like I normally never usually complain because they never hold him responsible and treat him like a kicked puppy
( “In this nonsense ‘adults are the savior of everything, leading down, other adults, capable of initiative, the Glorious path
Of stag
-nation
And ooh,
Obi-wan
is
the
victim!
Saving
his
previous
grooming
victim
from
the
evil
of
not
stagnation
(And
being
even
the
tin-iest
bit
upset
about
that
whole
grooming
set
up!
(Never mind
Accountability
[Shutter])
I see them
doing it
I’m just giving the
writers the benefit
of the doubt
that that’s
not
what they’re going
with
(Until
I’m
certain
that’s
the
narrative)
Anyway,
Yeah, they mentioned him like five minutes ago
We haven’t seen him since
Or ever
Switching over to Anakin‘s
Admiral
When it’s supposed to be Obi-Wan’s mission
...
For his attack
it’s surprisingly empty
Then again when has
he ever focused and
done what he was supposed to do
[Man is a
dumpster fire]
[And yeah he has another
child soldier to train so he’s probably busy with that]
- Last episode snark
He
really can’t restrain himself to
one
[ Anakin’s
old
news
now...]
.....
Okay,
I’ll stop the jokes now
Back
to
this
episode;
Fleet
is
ready??
!!
You’re
all
clear
For
What?
Dying?
There’s
a million ships heading right for her
She’s going to be
destroyed...
“Softened
them
up,”
A child dies
when an adult
wants them to die
There is no way
she makes this
R7
—-
Ready
—-
Action
—-
What-ever
My brains
already
going
numb?
This
is
going
to
be
an
‘Asoka’
focused
episode,
isn’t it?
Argh
[i’m starting to
wish
I
read
the
pre-views
(Or the title
description)
Note; you’re going to hear a lot of a ““Uhmms,” “Uh-hahs,”, and ”what- Evers,”
As my brain shuts down
to make way for the authors favorite
Mary Sue
...
Boss
Arghghhhhh
God help
me
Ahsoka should be dead
Ahsoka should be dead
Ahsoka should be....
Movie, you do you know
how children work
Children...
Can’t survive
An Adult
wanting
them
dead
Those are bots
programmed to kill every man woman and child
Ahsoka, should
be dead
What really bothers
me-
It’s the fact the
child soldiers is something that you have to do carefully
You
have
to
think
through
it
There’s not
brawns because children don’t have the
brawns to win that fight
Nor anything
else
The adult has to let them
win
(Or let them
live at least)
Which goes well with a story about a
narcissist.
playing both sides
If the narrative
(didn’t)
what are used to hold the scene with
culpable
The tension should come
from the fact
That Asoka isn’t
aware of
the danger
she’s
in
Completely
unaccountable
for
her
situation
And
would
be
unaware
up
to
the
death
That
is
the
tragedy
of
child
soldiers
(They
are
by
very
definition
glass
tanks)
Fodder
Of
......
Amorality
If
you
want
to
write
an
adult,
write
an
adult
Don’t
push
these
backwards
morals
Write
responsibly
........
Accountable
for
the
ideas
you
bring
into
the
world
...
Ahsoka
the
unchildlike
Narc
(That
thing
is
not
a
child; I will be addressing it as the quasi-adult abomination it
acts to be
Showing how the
actions (at least)
Work better
with the adult
While still holding its culpable
for writing a bad character
(Child)
(Un-real
-istic-)
[also
they’re
leading
into
a
Patroclus like twist]
I
don’t
care
Here we see Ahsoka,
taking the blame for
some-thing
an older
(Enabler)
Generation
Did,
Taking
the
heat
[for the blame]
And by the energy the
enabler (toxin instigat
-or has gained, by
the
Ena-bling
That’s what I would say if the story actually took it self
properly, and didn’t write Ahsoka poorly
- additionally with Anakin’s emotions of guilt (for enabling)
addressed
[Alt
ernatively]
Child;
This represents the complete power Adults [Enabling- over involved- generation breakers] hold over the naïve and defenseless, And how enablers care about their games more than for any concern about the well-being of others]
However that’s not what
Happens;
Ahsoka, the abomination
culpable to neither odds
or groups,
Makes it
through
OY,
Writers,
Plot armor
only applies
to adults,
For children
it’s unrealistic and bad writing
Because while adult humans maybe
space orcs
Babies are...
Not
They die
when they are
killed
While an adult can survive
so long as they know what they’re getting into
Okay. everyone except
Ahsoka
Who
should
be
dead
.......
Clone
enables
......
Okay
...
Whatever
.....
There is
..
Oh yeah
when they’re right on top of you
..
That’s the right time to call for
reinforcements
..
Not like they were
arrive
-
just in time
to see you get blown up
-
Good idea
..
Smart guy
[Also Anakin lent Asoka his ship so she can be Patroclus-ed did I mention that?
And how stupid it is?
[The characters
I mean]
. .
Alright
. ..
There
we go
..
Right
...
Whelp
.....
Four
enemy
cruisers
So
she’s
Totally
Dead
Now
Right
....
Warn
those
fighters
Why
Does Anakin
looks so pissed off
at everything?
Also like not going to pull the
child soldier
at any time?
Caught
“You’re
over reacting
Admiral.”
Do you know those fanfiction’s where it states that
someone has a problem but he’s never brought up in any meaningful
way?
Just there
.... .
To
make
her
seem
quirky
and
relatable?
With
a
child
character
acting
way
beyond
her
age?
(Or his’
having been
no stranger
for calling Anakin
out
for
his
shenanigans;
even
though
Ahsoka
is
the
most
oblique
case]
As a child they shouldn’t have any preferences besides eating and sleeping on un-interrupted
As an adult
that would
be a
good study
of how
assumed authority
and
toxic behavior
(Such
as
enabling)
leads
to
a
worser
quality
life
(Ahsoka’s preferences and dislikes; no longer a concern,)
With the feeling of instability toxic peers bring
(Small goal; why cutting toxic peers, out of our life, and society, is a
good idea, a
necessary to prevent society from becoming an
unstable mess)
However here it is nothing due to the
story’s refusal to commit
And instead creating a non-human abomination of a main character, that sucks all the tension and stakes from the story like an on branded Mary Sue straight from Fanfiction
I hope the writers are proud to know they wrote such an
abomination of a character
That it ruins any
semi-decent
plot they have written
And their decision to
irresponsibly
inflicted on the world are not unnoted
Though I do hope to forget this
character as soon as possible
And that it’s existence will be
lost to time and space
And not inflicted on the
future generations
(And hopefully not
many more people from
this generation either*)
Or the older
brother* generation
* Specifically
With that we are 19:17
minutes in
(From finishing)
“Blue leader”
Do you think I won’t be done with a
premise*
so early on
*Episode
But the premise
was already such a bad one
And the characters
so badly miss handled
Which is a shame because I actually look forward to an episode of this premise
Heck they were redeemed Jar-jar Binks,
you’d have to figure an episode with Ahsoka being redeemed was waiting right around the corner
However
this is clearly not it
Well I hold out hope that the writers will eventually practice accountablity when writing Ahsoka’s character
That light
is getting shorter and shorter
(It doesn’t excuse all the mediocre episodes or episodes turned mediocre by the lack
of
acc-
oun
tability
In
her
writing)
Con-
tin-
Uing
On
“Admiral
attempts
to
order
a
Jedi,”
I don’t think he
has the authority to do that
Movie did you just break your own
rule
of
command?
For
a
stupid
trope?
Show
how
“bad ass”
your
Mary
Sue
Character
is?
Argh
Also
Anakin’s
just
a
dip shit
(An
Unaccountable
dip shit)
Who
en-dangered
a
child’s
life
on
his
own
volition
Like
he’s
already
Darth
Vader
to
me
No need to put on the
mask
Just
start
playing
the
theme
(Not charming)
(Will never be)
Okay
.....
There
should
be
no
question
about
that
(Unless it’s trying to insinuate
Obi-Wan
as a secondary groomer
Or the Chancellor’s
second victim)
But seeing as the writers practice the accountability of a
squirrel
Probably
not...
.....
Heck
off
Un
child
like
abomination
Whelp
But the (un) child-like abomination is getting people
killed
When by all the realism
she should be the one dying
........
Writers
....
Not cool
“Our lines,”
You sent one group
out there
We’ve
seen
you
do
literally
nothing
else
....
[this doesn’t make Asoka look cool, this makes everyone else look
stupid
[Un-accountable]
[and I know what they are going with the survived beyond all odds when no one else can nonsense,”
No, movie
Just...
No
[so many critical (mis)understandings (intentional mis-carrying), that drives this story into extinction
“Alright, alright,”
She only comes back
when she’s needed more!
Fuck off...
Movie
That character got someone
killed...
And has had enough sentience
to understand the consequences of her actions
[and the system
she enables]
And the
concept of
death
[Fair enough
that dude could’ve saved himself]
But Ahsoka assumed authority and fucked it up
Well enough
Herself
No innocence
in that
Retreating
Dude is ready to die
[and while I don’t actually respect to
or encourage that]
You kind of have to respect*/laugh
At his commitment
to his toxic job
Aight,
Mate
Orders
That I pick and
choose
And should’ve followed
without a second thought
if I was an actual child
Abomin
-ation
Well
what
hope that was good
Oh he was actually doing
some thing
That would’ve been nice to see when he uttered
the “We’re out-numbered,“
Line
“Intensify deflector shields”
How?!
There’s too many
[really setting up the odds for Ahsoka to be the
Big Damn hero
[Un-realistic
-ally]
Aren’t you
,movie
Aight
Fighter
Squad
Bull-shit
Also isn’t it supposed to be the whole damn
army?
Like, where is their enforcement is my question
Because it should be like baseball bat to glove
With them out numbering those guys 1 to 10
So what is up?
And also where is
Obi-Wan
Kenobi?
Y’know
The guy
this mission is actually supposed to be about
Seriously, that’s becoming a
littered detail
Alright,
okay
ARGGH
Dear
God
She just said “cool your
jets,”
To the fuckin
Admiral
Are you trying to DIE
Child?
That’s an adult
They can
(And might)
Try to
kill you!
WTF
We’re at
18:03
And already
having this many problems with the
story
Like even an essay on why this character doesn’t
work
Hasn’t done much to sustain
me
Through
This
Bull
Too late!
What.......?
What-
Happ
-ened
Sky-
Walker..
Okay
Just-
Okay
movie
You-
don’t
get
any
reaction
beyond
that
And..
the
ship’s
down
You know if this is in any other
situation
With actual good characters
And
set up
That
might’ve
been
a bit
actually
tear
jerking
As Ahsoka is forced to reckon with the fact of what the toxic behavior has done to her friends and family
And even as enablers - of a terrible military complex -( of toxic behaviors) you can’t help but feel - despite this being on making up their own creation - that it’s still too cruel for a human being (or sentient) and that accountability will be a blessing for them, where their hurt to themselves and everyone around them will be lesser
But that isn’t the case
Because Ahsoka
And toaster
Hang on Admiral
Fuck’in Jedi
-under breath
Like seriously Comms guy here gets lot of our beef
But he seriously gets put through
a whole fecking lot this episode
Like yeah
he could stop this at any time
But
He
Doesn’t
And as noted above,
It’s like dude you could be doing better for
yourself...
You deserve
better
Human
reaction
Just
Ouch
Out of
Here
Fighters
Like yeah let me just try and
contain the inhumane
abomination
of
nature
Sure,
sir
Right
after-
[Ship
shaking]
I get
these
fires
contained
[Feckin’
Jedi]
Well
shit
got
more
wrecked
Return
Oh shit
yeah
I fucked that up
Oh,
Right
Few
seconds
Why are you riding this guy’s
tailplate?
Retreat
Whelp
Why?
Also, this is just like one fleet
I thought this was supposed to be like a
multi facet thing
Like it said that
the whole entire army
And we’re dealing with is extremely
small slice of the pie
(Like not even supposed to be part of the pie
As Asoka
is a Jedi in training,”
We didn’t even see what Anakin and the Admiral
are doing otherwise
Seriously
all their hopes...
On
a
“teenager”
Who
should
be
uncapable
of
intuition
(Or
initiative)
And
Yoda
(and
surprisingly*
every
one
else)
Signed
off
on
this
*Presumably
* Nothing
is surprising
about
A bunch of
child
groomers
Agree-
Ing
to
throw
-ing
A
child
into
danger
That’s
ex
-pected
No
Smart
Guy
Given that we literally haven’t seen any other bit of the
Army
Ahsoka meant that she’s going to invade the enemy ship
didn’t she?
Like it was cut so we couldn’t see
the direction
The way she said that other clone’s name
I’m sus.
Good job
If you do your job well enough
No one can beat it
with half-ass
ery
Okay
Failing?
Since
when?
Anyone that got hit
died!
How?
Stay
with
me
In this surprisingly
stupid attempt
...
....
Aight,
He’s
Dead
Good job everyone
involved
“Axe,”
Apparently
the only one that survived
(Almost)
Also, Ahsoka
how does it feel to have enabled that behavior?
Because
you played a part
Skipping over the part
that that was her fault?
And the consequences of enabling
extremely toxic actions?
Like that person’s
dead
Might not have been dead
if everyone didn’t enable this
Like
there
was
a
part
there
Close up the hangar doors
Why?
Also,
That’s your reaction,
To seeing
all this shit
We’re home
That’s a bit better
Could’ve use a bit more
conflict
Over her role
Eyes widening
and shifting in horror
Actually shocked
And expressing
the full emotions of an
adult
(If that
is what we’re going for)
Okay,
Alright
Also,
someone
survived?
Why?
Didn’t
He-
(Guess he only
survived out of his own
initiative)
And was
just very done
Alright
Okay
Sucks
Hey- “jump to lightspeed”
Aniken- actually did some thing in this whole episode
Well,
Hope the other traids of this
multi-facet
-Ed
Invasion
Also,
how is one ship not on fire?
Bull shit that’s Anakin’s
His ship...
was on fire
Hold your characters accountable
For the situations
they caused
Now I’m going to assume Anakin and Ahsoka have the standard clichéd ‘You should’ve listen to orders/ I do what I want,” or Anakin comforts the un-child-like abomination for
consciously
Enabl
-ing
Bad
Behaviors,
As
An
Adult,
As
that
the
only
situation
that
conversation
would
happen
(The narrative
refusing
to
hold
her
accountable)
With a child it would just be an
over involved
adult
comforting
their
own
orders
That
and
only
that
Himself
and
only
himself
Because
children
do
not
require
comforting
if
you
do
not
put
them
in
distressful
situations
“Sorry”
Doesn’t
quite
cover
it
Head
Count
Aight
Can’t
make
me
feel
bad
drama
queen
Stop
bothering
the
tech
guys
and
get
off
“Dis-appointed,”
She’s capable of making
her own decisions
She’s either one an
un child like abomination
Or an
adult
Who should be how to
accountability
for
repeated
tox
Anakin held accountable
(For enabling)
The second
he hits an accountable adult
Point being
they’re both in the wrong
And if movie is trying to paint one of them as a
more or less innocent
(Accountable)
Movie is wrong
(You can be more or less toxic than someone,
But after rule of five;
you’re both equally accountable
(Aka, should be
held accountable)
(Equally
irredeemable)
(By audience)
(Different
People)
Point being; they’re both toxic
And I wish the writers would stop treating
Ahsoka as deserving of any
of the inn
-ocence
Un-account
-ability
Of
a
child
When she doesn’t act, talk or have any say to it
besides
in name
Story telling
us
Then contradicting by showing us
what is almost the exact opposite
(Quasi-)
Wanting to give Ahsoka of the responsibilities,
(and dialogue) of an adult
But the
subjective accountability
Of nothing
Same
with
the
tone
Creating a wholly
Inhumane
Character
With the loss of
any sympathy
as consequence
It sucks
[Too much
emotions]
Me
Like an un childlike abomination
Children shouldn’t have initiative!
Nothing
Obi-wan
Yeah- where the FECK is Obi-Wan?
He was mentioned
at the beginning
That’s
it
We
haven’t
heard
(or seen)
lip
of
the
guy
Until
now
“ I know
you meant well snips,”
No
she didn’t
If she’s capable of
initiative,
She knows she’s enabling the
military
complex
Fuck
off
with
your
subjective
accountability
movie
You can’t make me sympathize with a
war
enabler
(One doing it
completely
of
her
own
sentience)
You
get
in
that
corner
with
your
own
(un) accountability
And stop
focusing on this moment like there’s anything interesting
or we’re supposed to sympathize with these characters
Without adjusting the lighting
or
showing
any
sign
that you’re (assuming
acc
ounta
bility
For
dis-
play
ing
An
enabling
conversation
And
not
normalizing
a
bad
situation
(Which should not
be taken
lightly)
Bigger
Picture
....
That
You’re
Not
Aware
Of
Assuming a
sentient being is uncapable of understanding your logic
Tox
First rule of war
Don’t do war
It’s unaccountable
“Listen and obey your
superiors,”
Yep there’s that
assumed authority
Also she spent her whole life being
groomed for this
There’s no doubt
in my mind that she knows
That was malicious
disobedience
(Something uncapable
of children
“But sometimes
you get carried away,”
Yeah he’s an adult
he does it
maliciously
You’re supposed to be a child
But you’re capable of
malacian
But the story refuses to hold
(both you and him)
Accountable
For multiple acts of
deliberate tox
And por
-tray this conversation,
As
between two tox individuals
Debating which one of them is more
tox, with no
stakes
To put it shortly,
The story has
commitment issues
(And Severe
characterization issues)
That causes of the story to
be unstable
and flounder
(As it
deserves)
“ understand what
you’re going through,”
Being an enabler?
(To this un
-childlike abomination’s
toxs?)
No one is innocent in this
scenario, movie
You better get it right
....
“ that I failed,”
Yeah you specifically
screwed that up
....
“it wasn’t your fault,”
Hold up, hold up, hold up
(You put that
soft music back where it belongs
Movie!
That
was
completely
her
fault!
(Enabling
be
damned)
“So
many
of
my
pilots,”
Put
that
light
music
away
Play
something
heavier
She’s
the
villain
of
the
story
Now
This
is
disturbing
Not
cute
Anyway...
“that’s the reality of
command,”
That’s the
reality of being toxic
“General
we’re approaching our staging area,”
This is the circumstance you allow
Skywalker
“Very Good
Captain,”
Continue
enabling
The
military
complex
Anakin
It’ll
pay
off
one
day
(No; it
won’t)
“ Master
Windu,”
Seriously
first
time
hearing
(Never
mind
Seeing)
Windu;
This
entire
time;
“Progress,”
Oh so
Ahsoka did fuck up the plan
Big
Whoop
No
surprises
there
Mary Sue’s breaking the rules and getting no consequences is pretty on par
“Our
progress
,huh,”
Hey you actually nearly had some bitterness appropriate for the
situation!
Almost a good job
writers!
“ we haven’t made any progress yet,”
Yep both a group of feck ups in a
group of enablers
Great-
situation that is
“No, Rex,”
Rex
is half a Narc
Still an enabler
But he gives some care
(Still bad)
(And tox.)
(Myself)
Movie!
Put that sad music back
where it belongs so help me
Screw that
Un-deserved-
You cannot make me feel bad
for the enablers-
You
shouldn’t
be
damn
trying!
On the
damn line,
this movie
is
Okay
....
She
made
this
hole
Like good for her for taking some basic
self
accoun-
tability
and
getting
(temporary)
away
from
his
toxicity
That
was
almost
an
appropriate
emotion
Okay,
Whatever
Ahsoka’s going to do something reckless and
stupid
(Un-
Acc
oun
Table)
To
“Prove”
Herself,
Do
the
same
exact
thing,
That
got
her
reprimanded,
And be
rewarded
,isn’t she?
....
Jedi
Crashed
One very small
piece
Of one
facet
That shouldn’t
exist
Did
And they had no back up
plan
Besides the child soldier
(That acts like nothing like a child)
That’s something really
to brag about
More so to shout “what the heck is that thing?!!”
At the clearly on unchild
“child”
Yoda,
And Plo,
Have
some
explaining
to
do
Over where they
found such a
child
(A lab?)
It’s always on my mind that no one
screaming
about how
fecked up it is
that a
“child” is capable of
initiative
In every scene
No one’s
screaming,
‘You’re like
13!
How
are
you
capable
of
anything
besides
following
orders??”
That’s
how
the
clone
facility
got
shut
down
*gets
There’s
some things
even
they
won’t
touch
.....
Aight
...
This dude
bragging
....
Okay
What-ever
....
Blockade
Al right
Remember
this is just
the blockade
There’s a whole
slave colony
(Or
whatever)
That we still haven’t
got to
(Nor Obi-Wan‘s
arrival)
How long is this
thing?
Con-gratulations
But do not
underestimate the Jedi
‘Except Obi-Wan
underestimate that bitch all day,
He still
won’t do
shit!
[Hasn’t
even
shown
up!]
Seriously...
Commander
bring me the data on general skywalker,
I know this is working up a ‘don’t underestimate the young,’
But babies?
Underestimate that all day they’re still
Help-less
(As Ahsoka
should be)
Yeah
you shouldn’t underestimate the younger generation,
Because you shouldn’t
heck with the future
at all!
The tragedy
of child soldiers
(And
abused
children)
Is that there is no
instant
karma
Only
Capable
After
The
22
Mark.
Writing your character an un child like abomination
Isn’t clever movie
It’s un
acc
Ount
Able
(And
Terrible)
Asoka should be a worse version of
general Kenobi/
Skywalker
Due to having the
orders
But none of the
initiative
..
Of
an adult
....
Aight
Okay
Surprise
No Asoka
almost systematically
Screwed up your
unaccountable
plan
Relying
completely
on
her
How this conversation should
go;
So, the plan revolving around the
child soldier
went horribly
Ob; “wouldn’t have
guessed,”
A; Yeah, I suppose...
[Angry bick
-ering and
Snark
-ing
comm
ences]
While
Ahsoka
sits
by
blankly,
awaiting
an
order
[Be-cause
Child]
[End]
....
What actually happens;
Aniken lies and says they were
“out numbered”,
[didn’t even try]
Sent out
like one teem
[To our
knowledge]
Cruiser
Wait,
what?
When did this
happen?
We didn’t see that!
Everyone made it to the
safety of
hyper space
[Last I checked]
Except
for
Ahsoka’s
team!
And
I’m no expert on
ships
[i’ve gotten the Separtists
And Republic ships
confused more times than I can
count]
But Ahsoka’s team was the only ship we saw go down
And there was definitely more than one of those...
So like...
Show
don’t tell movie
Plus
an entire squadron of
fighters
PLUS!
Dude I’d rather see the ship go down!
Seriously?!
What the heck happened
there!
What
the
Heck!
That’s an important detail!
You
could’ve use that as contrast!
Or to show that Anaken
was further along in enabling!
- ——-
!!! !
And your Padawan
And your
Padawan what...
What
part of the plan are you aware of that we’re not?
(Because apparently a
cruiser went down!)
So
clearly some nonsense happened
that we didn’t see!
Also, wait what happened to
Comms guy?
That is prime guilt trip
material!
Knowing the consequences of
enabling bad behavior!
(Toxic behavior!)
Seriously...
What?
Ahsoka’s fine
The authority
assumer’s fine
Yippee!
I was so con
cerned
About the childlike
abomination that it
doesn’t seem
able to die
“Hard,”
HAHAHA
Are
you
kidding?
She was more concerned with her failure
then the fact
That
those guys
died!
She treated them like skill points
more than actual people!
“ give her time,”
Give her time to get over it and
enable more people in danger!
- Advice with Obi-
Won-
“ you will need her help-”
Th-
The CHILD soldier’s ?
WTF
Not Cool!
Through
This
“I know,”
I know
child soldiers
are
the
new in!
Also, wow.
Even when
she’s not in the
scene, the universe bends to talk about her and give her
props
Sign
1; that you’re writing
a Mary
Sue
Seriously,
You
didn’t
bother
to
put
this
character
through
like a Mary Sue
checklist?
(Or did
you use that as writing
guidelines?
For
This
Character?
I’m
getting
really
heated..
I’m just going to
blank my mind for a bit
And maybe skip past these
scenes
[because there was just nothing with
redeemable about
These
Characters
Or
This
Plot]
Thank you Windu for not focusing on
Ahsoka..
Postpone
The...
Urgh
[it’s not worth it
It’s a
badly done
“Child screws up one thing (And the entire world) and must overcome your measurable odds (completely unrealistically) to
Atone,”
It is literally the candy bar
of plots
The
most
unhealthy
....
And
unappealing
(Sorry
to
candy,
It
Has
some thing
over
these
plots)
If
I
stop
at
anything
that
makes
me
angry,
I’m
going
to
be
here
all
day,
[For
Years!]
-
Switching
into
summary
mode
....
Meaning
that
the
commentary
won’t
be
immediate
.....
And will be more like when there’s a
Tumblr refresh
Without
The
Brackets...
Not even worthy of the, “Uhms,” “Oh yeah, and “That’s great,” I usually start falling into about this point
.....
[Oh my god....
No,
Just
No
[Everyone is tox, Ashoka is an adult, tries to assume some accountability and leave, Anakin guilt trip her into it [she’s an adult so she didn’t have to go with it] but still, the Clones show the tiniest bit of Accountability, the Admiral showed reasonable hesitance, confirms
And enables
Ahsoka’s
Un-accoun
tability]
And the story ends up as clichéd and [even worse] broken as I predicted, going full Mary Sue, having Ahsoka take the helm at the rip age of 13 [Acting on Quasi-22] having the basic decency not to blow my ears out with a happy theme but it’s still appears nauseatingly constant in the background, despite none of this being deserving, staying enough under the radar, near “fiercely annoying,” instead of “actively harmful”
And
Dis
gus
ting
Like
it’s
predecessors
saving
it
from
a
strike
But
not
from
being
a
terrible
episode
[Worthy
of
being
forgotten,]
Ahsoka;
the
tales
of
being
a
Mary
Sue?
Skip
It
Which
is
a
shame
because
This
character
could
be
so
much
better
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