#PUT ME IN A COMA UNTIL THE PREMIERE DROPS

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

What about when Buck loses a patient and it's a kid what about when Buck loses a CHILD what about when Eddie sees Buck lose that kid what about when Eddie takes Buck to see Christopher what about when Eddie takes Buck HOME to see THEIR SON WHAT!!!! ABOUT!!!!

[slytherinbarnes]

Sub Rosa [72]

i. sanctum 

Pairing: Bellamy Blake x reader

Word Count: 10.1k

Warnings: mentions of past injuries, angst, sadness, death, anxiety,  language, bugs (I know some people get the creepy crawlies), violence.

Summary: Monty has given all of you hope after charting your course to a new planet: Sanctum. You and a small group of friends head to the surface to explore the new planet you plan to call home.

a/n: HAPPY SEASON 6 PREMIERE! I CAN’T BELIEVE WE ARE IN THE LAST TWO SEASONS NOW, WE ARE NEARING THE END AND I THINK I MIGHT CRY!!!!! p.s. sorry for the late upload today, I was getting a christmas tree with my family!!! the taglist for this series is open! I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!!!

previous chapter // season masterlist // series masterlist

Jordan gives you, Bellamy, and Clarke a few minutes to process everything you’ve just learned before informing you of the last of Monty’s instructions: tell your friends.

You wake a small group of people, those who were present at the meeting 125 years ago, including Spacekru, Shaw, and your mother. You tried to wake Octavia too, but Bellamy stopped you, telling you to wait for now. Though you disagree with him, you respect his decision and keep her asleep. Everyone gets a brief rundown of what’s happened since they were last awake, and then you play the videos for them too, revealing planet Alpha the same way it was revealed to you. As Monty's last lines play and the video ends, there are no dry eyes in the room from anyone that knew Monty and Harper. Everyone is crying as they peer down at the planet Monty found for the rest of you to survive on. 

Bellamy takes in the group’s silence, and softly says, “I know this is a lot to process. Take an hour and meet in the mess, we need to game this out.”

Clarke looks over everyone, reminding them of Monty’s sacrifice. “Guys, we survived. Monty made sure of it.”

“Now we get our humanity back.”

Your mother’s words send Raven reeling, though you don't know why. She turns on her, pissed, and snaps,  “Some of us never lost it.”

Then she storms out of the room, leaving Shaw to run out after her. You turn to look at Clarke, confused, and she mutters, “There’s a lot I need to tell you.”

“Then tell me.”

“Not here.” She nods towards the door, motioning for you and Bellamy to follow her. “Someplace more private.”

Clarke takes you and Bellamy to one of the many abandoned staterooms and proceeds to catch the two of you up on everything she learned while in Shallow Valley with the Eligius prisoners and your mother. She finally lets you both know about the Dark Year and the cannibalism in the bunker, which shocks you and Bellamy both. She also tells you about your mother’s addiction to pain pills, and her overdose that nearly killed her, and you realize now that all the times you thought she looked incredibly exhausted were because she was going through withdrawals. When she finishes updating you both, you and Bellamy sit in shock for a few minutes before she leaves to check on Madi, leaving the two of you alone to come to terms with everything you’ve learned.

You and Bellamy sit in the stateroom a while longer talking before you head back to the bridge to read over the files Monty gathered on Eligius III. As you read, you and Bellamy discuss a bare bones plan, one that can be expanded on as you talk to the rest of your friends. Once you have an idea of what to do next, you walk down to the mess hall to meet up with the others. Echo, Murphy, and Emori are already there when you arrive, sitting at a table and drinking algae from bowls that Jordan is passing around. He brings you and Bellamy both a bowl, which you eye warily before setting it down in front of you, not eager to taste it just yet. Bellamy takes a few sips, unbothered by the years of algae he had on the ring, and you watch him with amusement, nose scrunched up in disgust. He feels your gaze on him and he turns to you, trying to hide a smirk. “What?”

You peer into your bowl, staring at the bright green liquid, before looking back to him. “You’re eating that stuff?”

“It’s what we ate for six years on the ring, it’s not that bad. Besides, you should eat, you’ll need your strength.”

You think of the variety of foods you ate in Shallow Valley and sigh, knowing this isn't and will never be as good as the food from the valley, but you know Bellamy is right and you need your strength. You slide the bowl towards you and lift it, musing, “It’s no harvest of fresh berries, but-”

You never get to finish your sentence, because the table around you erupts in a series of laughs and groans. Murphy tosses his napkin at you and you laugh, looking around at all of them in confusion. “What?”

“We don’t want to hear about everything we missed out on in the valley.”

You cringe a little, not realizing how your comments must have seemed to them. “I’m sorry, I didn't mean it like that.”

Bellamy puts his bowl down and reaches out to put his hand on your arm. You meet his gaze and see that his eyes are still bright with amusement. “They’re just messing with you, don’t listen to them.”

Murphy adds, “And I thought you were the twin that knew how to joke. Guess six years without someone as witty as me around will make anyone lose their sense of humor.”

You roll your eyes and laugh, tossing his napkin back to him. “Shut up, Murphy.”

He cocks his head to the side, looking at you closely. “Or is your humor missing because of the whole ‘Bellamy’s ex girlfriend is sitting beside you’ thing?”

You and Bellamy both cut your eyes at him, deadpanning at the same time, “Shut up, Murphy.”

The moment is broken when you hear someone else walk in, and your eyes move to the door and land on your mother. She looks more stressed than the last time you saw her a few minutes ago, and you realize she must have gone to see Kane. She takes the bowl that Jordan offers her and goes to sit at the table behind you, alone. You turn to look at her, and Bellamy follows your gaze as he whispers, “You should talk to her.”

“I wouldn't know what to say.”

“I don't think that matters. Just being there for her would help.”

“Maybe. But my mother and I have never had a relationship like that before. That’s more of Clarke’s territory.”

He doesn't answer, unsure what to say, so he reaches out for your hand, threading your fingers together. Clarke walks into the room next, gladly accepting her bowl of algae from Jordan, and her eyes find yours as she starts to cross the room. You smile at her as she stops near your table, asking, “How’s our little sun?”

“Good. Still sleeping.”

“Good.”

Clarke nods and starts to walk away, heading towards your mom, but Bellamy calls out to her, stopping her again. “Hey, did you see Raven or Shaw on your way back?”

Emori quips, “You know, the people you handed over to our enemy to be tortured.”

“Now, for Clarke, we call that a Tuesday.”

You cut your eyes at the couple sitting across from you and snap, “Enough.”

To your surprise, Echo does the same, giving them a scolding look as she lectures, “Easy, she did the right thing in the end.”

You look at her in confusion, not expecting her to speak up in Clarke’s defense, and she meets your gaze, the air between you growing awkward again. Still, you nod your thanks, as Clarke answers Bellamy’s question and ignores the others. “No, I haven't seen them.”

She continues past your table and joins your mother, and you can hear the two of them quietly talking as soon as she sits down. You feel a soft pang of jealousy, your relationship with your mom never as good as her relationship with Clarke, only made worse by the six years you spent apart from her. At times, it was easy to forget that you, Madi, and Clarke weren't actually the last three people alive. It was easy to forget there were hundreds of people locked up in a bunker nearly a hundred miles away. You spent so long with so few people, that moments of socialization like this feel foreign to you. You’re sitting at a table of people you know and like, yet they feel like strangers to you. In a lot of ways, they are. The reunions you’ve had since they landed have been tense and stressful, carried out in the middle of a war. There’s been no time to catch up like this, to sit at a table together and just eat and talk. And now that you’re doing it, it feels weird. 

Luckily, Jordan ends the weirdness by coming back into the room with a jar of algae, handing it to your mother on a tray. “First culture algae, like Bellamy used on Octavia. The first generation induces coma, and my dad was hoping you could use it to save Kane.”

Your mom takes it, a smile spreading across her face for the first time in a long time. “Thank you.”

She stands from the table, already ready to get back to Kane, turning to tell Clarke, “Take Jackson to the ground, I'll wake up Niylah to assist me.”

Clarke barely has enough time to nod before your mom rushes out of the room, just in time for Raven and Shaw to come walking in. “What did we miss?”

“Nothing.” Bellamy looks down at their conjoined hands, and the equally large smiles on their faces and muses, “It's about time.”

You nudge him with your elbow and he turns to smirk at you before standing, motioning for everyone to gather at one table. You and Bellamy stand side by side, facing them, and Clarke comes to stand on your other side, the three of you presenting a united front. You turn to Bellamy, nodding at him to begin. “Okay, everyone, listen up. Here's what we know: Eligius III was a colonizing mission. According to the file, the mothership went to 5 planets that met necessary conditions for life, dropping mission teams on each one. Monty picked planet Alpha for us because it's the closest, and probably the most like Earth.”

“Probably?”

Shaw turns to glance back at Murphy, answering his question before anyone else. “We have to assume they couldn't know for sure until they got here. We can scan the atmosphere from the bridge.”

“Actually, we can't.” You all turn to look at Jordan, waiting for him to clarify. “None of the equipment we used to monitor Earth is working. I'm guessing it's interference from the ionosphere.”

You look them all over and clarify, “Bottom line is, we won't know if it's survivable until we get down there.”

“Sounds familiar.”

You turn and smile at Clarke, thinking of your first trip to the ground, now so long ago. Raven pulls you from your thoughts when she asks, “What about radio signals? Anything from the ground that says the mission team survived?”

Bellamy shakes his head, “No radio signals.”

“Likely also the ionosphere. There is an ultra high frequency ping on radar, faint but-”

Shaw cuts him off, “A rescue beacon. We used them on Eligius IV to-”

And then Emori cuts him off, sounding excited. “Great. If there's a beacon, that means someone's down there, right?”

“Not necessarily. They're solar, so-” Raven finishes the sentence for Shaw, giving a resolute nod. “So they can last forever. How long ago did Eligius III get here?”

All of you look to Jordan again, knowing he’s the most well versed on the files from his father. “Hard to tell since they never radioed back, but the best estimate is 200 years, give or take.”

“That's a long time to wait for a rescue.”

Your gaze moves from Murphy to Echo, the only member of the group who has stayed silent the entire time. She just shrugs beneath your gaze, clearly up for anything. “I trust Monty.”

Bellamy looks at you and you nod, so he turns back to the group. “Great, then it's settled. We land at a distance, give us time to acclimate. We'll wait for them to come to us.”

Clarke breaks her silence for the first time in a few minutes, looking over at you and Bellamy. “Let's talk about guns. If we have them, we'll use them.”

Bellamy tenses beside you, and you’re sure he’s thinking of Monty’s ‘do better’ mantra. You’re also sure he’s running through a million memories of nearly being killed by Grounders as soon as you landed on Earth, because he counters, “We're taking guns.”

At your sister’s disapproving look, he adds, “We're also taking non lethals. Eligius IV had gas grenades and shock batons to control the criminals. We won't shoot first this time.”

“In that case, Clarke should stay here.”

You turn your glare on Raven, angry to hear the quip directed at your twin. You know that Clarke’s betrayal nearly got Raven and Shaw killed, and that they both had to endure torture at the hands of McCreary because of her. And though you feel sympathetic to them both, aware of how sadistic McCreary was, you think all the little quips and comments from Spacekru are becoming a little much. Yes, Clarke messed up and made terrible decisions, ones that hurt everyone, you included, but so have the rest of you at some point or another. Besides, you made a promise to the Universe that you’d do better and stop holding grudges if you got to the ship alive, so that’s what you’re going to do. It seems your version of ‘do better’ is the only one that includes forgiveness for mistakes. 

Still though, you find a small amount of satisfaction watching Raven’s face fall at Bellamy’s response to her quip. “Raven, you're the one that's staying here.”

“What? Like hell I am.”

“We can't take both our pilots, and since we'll be flying blind until we're below the ionosphere, it has to be Shaw.” Raven seems to understand his reasoning, but she still looks pissed to be the one left behind. Bellamy adds, “That's not all. Jordan, you're staying, too.”

“Me? Why?”

This time you answer, turning your sympathetic gaze towards him. “I know it's hard, but your parents asked us to keep you safe. We have no idea what's waiting for us down there.”

Echo muses, “Which is why we should take our best fighters.”

Bellamy immediately turns to look at his former lover, catching onto the real meaning of her statement. “My sister is the last person I trust not to shoot first, so she stays on ice with everyone else until we know what we're dealing with.”

“And if it's too late by then?”

Bellamy grows tense, and you watch him take a deep breath before relenting. “Fine. I'll wake up Miller.”

Echo nods, satisfied with his answer, and you just look between the two of them, still uncomfortable with their interactions. Though, it’s something you’ll have to get used to, because everyone that lived on the ring together seems to stick close to each other, meaning Echo isn't going anywhere anytime soon. Bellamy looks over everyone, waiting for any more questions or comments, but when none come, he nods his head. “Good. Say your goodbyes, head to the transport ship.”

Everyone disperses from the room, prepping for the trip down to the ground. You and Bellamy go to the cubby to get your belongings, including the Iliad, which you stuff into your pack. You also wake Miller up while you’re there, and catch him and Jackson up on everything. Your mom gives you a few medkits, along with pain meds for your leg if you need it, though you’re getting around pretty well despite the gash down the back of your calf. Then you and Bellamy go to the armory and grab weapons. You holster your Grounder knife to your thigh, and you manage to find another holster small enough to fit the skull knife you swiped from the Eligius prisoner after he nearly killed you. You attach the small knife and holster around your left calf, tugging your pants down over it, now secured as a hidden weapon. Bellamy gives you a few gas canisters for your pack, along with a pistol, which you also pack into your bag. Everyone else comes to the armory at some point to arm up, and you and Bellamy pass out weapons until everyone is ready to go. 

With everyone packed up, you head towards the transport ship, preparing to say your last goodbyes before you take another ship down to another planet that might not be survivable. You, Bellamy, and Clarke are the last three to arrive, walking into the hallway just as Jackson and your mom are hugging goodbye. You all wait your turn nearby, and Miller wanders over, eyes locked on Bellamy. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Thanks for taking me, that must have been hard for you.”

Bellamy shakes his head. “Not really. We go back, Miller. I trust you.”

“Even after I threw you both into the pit?”

Bellamy glances over at you, and you give him a small smile, encouraging his forgiveness. He turns back to Miller and nods. “My sister did that, not you. We're good, okay?”

Miller nods, a small smile on his face, and he waits for Jackson to step away from your mother before he follows him into the transport ship. Once your mom is free, she turns to you and Clarke, both of you stepping forward to say your goodbyes, and Bellamy hangs back and waits for you to finish. As soon as you step up to your mom, you whisper, “I’m sorry we couldn't be there for you in the bunker. Maybe if we were-”

She seems to sense where your words are heading, because a sad smile crosses her features as she lifts her hand to caress your cheek. “It’s not your fault, la lune.”

She lifts her other hand to Clarke’s cheek and adds, “I wish both of my girls could have been with me, but I’m glad neither of you had to go through what we did in the bunker.”

She glances to the door of the transport, tears welling up in her eyes. “God, I hate sending you both to the ground.”

Clarke answers, “Look, mom, if anything happens to me-”

“It won't.”

“If it does-”

Your mom nods, instantly understanding. “I'll take care of Madi.”

She pulls you both towards her, hugging you tight as you prepare to be separated from each other once again. When you pull away, you smile at her. “Go save Kane.”

She looks between you and Clarke, smiling at you both. “Go save us all.”

You nod and start to walk away together, towards the ship where Bellamy stands, still waiting. Your mom watches you both as you get closer to him, and you see his eyes land on her as she calls out to him, “Take care of my girls.”

“Yes ma’am, always.”

You smile at him and he motions for you and Clarke to step inside before him, leaving him to be the last one onto the ship. He closes the door behind him and all of you make your way to your seats, strapping yourself in between Clarke and Bellamy, nerves coiling through your body and making you jittery. Once Shaw is sure everyone is secured, he takes off, guiding the ship closer and closer to the planet as Raven calls out to him on the radio. “How are those instruments, Shaw?”

“Instruments are for amateurs.”

She starts to answer but her voice comes through staticky, impossible to hear. You look at Bellamy, growing anxious, and he smiles at you, trying to reassure you. Shaw moves the ship through the atmosphere, the clouds making it impossible for you to see anything out of the windows, the whole ship shaking from the resistance. You reach out for Bellamy, getting more nervous with each passing second, and he grabs your hand, squeezing once to let you know everything’s okay. You close your eyes and work to control your breathing as Shaw calls out, “We're below the ionosphere and I still don't have any instruments. There must be something else, hang on.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Yeah, pray.” Shaw’s response to Emori does nothing to quell your nerves, and you squeeze Bellamy’s hand hard, keeping your eyes shut tight, not sure you want to see your possible impending death. Your other hand grips the straps that secure you to your seat, and you try to keep your focus on your breathing and not the horrifying shaking that is moving the ship around. But just as you’re sure that you’re all about to die, you hear Shaw call out, “Boys and girls, meet planet Alpha.”

You pull your eyes open, gaze falling onto a set of mountain ranges, covered with lush green foliage. The sun is shining bright, lighting up the landscape, reminding you of the valley. You turn to glance at Clarke, her face a look of awe and sadness, and when she meets your gaze, you know she’s thinking of your destroyed home too. Both of you turn back to the front as Shaw finds a place to land, and once he gets the ship on the ground, all of you unbuckle your seatbelts and stand quickly, eager to get outside and explore the new planet. 

Before you know it, all of you stand at the door to leave, waiting for it to lower and become the ramp that will take all of you outside. You grab both Clarke and Bellamy’s hands, prepared to die with them if the door opens to an unsurvivable planet. As it lowers, Jackson stands behind you, repeating a phrase like a mantra, “Please be breathable. Please be breathable.”

The door hits the ground, and everyone takes a few tentative breaths, looking around at each other in excitement. Jackson announces, “Breathable air, check.”

Emori checks the radiation scanner in her hand, nodding with satisfaction. “Radiation levels are good, too. Eligius III didn't need to send Nightbloods after all.”

“How about that beacon, Shaw?”

“Eight clicks due East, I think it's on high ground. There's a water source about halfway.”

You turn to look at Bellamy, remembering that he sent Octavia out first, allowing her to be the first person on Earth in over 100 years. You smile at him, urging him to do the same thing here. “You should go first this time.”

“No. We go together, all of us.”

You nod, looking over at Clarke, and she nods too. And then all of you step down the ramp tentatively, walking towards the lush green foliage that surrounds your parked transport ship. It looks like you’ve landed in a field of flowers, and trees line the field on either side, reminding you so much of when you landed in the dropship. You feel a pang in your heart, thinking about your first home away from the Ark, missing those first few days of freedom before the fight for survival began. As you near the end of the ramp, Miller asks, “Anyone got anything better than 'We're back, bitches'?”

You, Bellamy, Clarke, Miller, and Murphy all laugh, all of you the last few remaining members of the 100 (101 including Bellamy), with the exception of Octavia, who is still back on the ship. As your laughter dies down, Murphy turns serious, looking around at the beautiful landscape that surrounds you. “Monty would know what to say, he should be here.”

“He is.”

Clarke smiles, remembering his words from his final video. “He already said it: 'Do better there'. So let's do better.”

All of you nod in agreement, but you see a sour look pass over Shaw’s face as he turns to your twin. “That's easy to say, but talk is cheap.”

And before any of you can say anything to defend Clarke, he turns and walks off, gaze locked on the device in his hand that is tracking the emergency beacon. Clarke looks after him, her expression one of hurt, and you squeeze her hand, still held within your own. “He'll come around, they all will.”

She nods, her expression still sad, but you can see her push that away as she fixes a smile to her face and nods after the group. “Come on, we don't want to fall behind.”

You nod and the three of you drop hands, disconnecting, making it easier to hike after the others. Shaw leads the way and Bellamy brings up the rear, staying behind you to make sure you’re moving okay with your injured leg. Clarke keeps close to you as well, also worried about your injuries, and you know both of them are wondering if they should have left you behind to make sure you don't make things worse. Which is exactly why you try to keep your limping to a minimum, and you hide any indication that there is a growing throb of pain in your calf, courtesy of all the movement you’ve done. You don’t want to be responsible for slowing the group down, and you don't want anyone to regret bringing you, because this is a mission you wouldn't miss for the world. 

After a few hours of walking, the path that you’ve been following through the woods opens up onto a beach, a large lake spread out in front of you, framed by mountains on nearly every side. As you get clear of the trees, the sky opens up too, giving you a better view of the suns in the sky, moving closer and closer to each other. Clarke sees them too, because she comments, “It looks like the suns are eclipsing.”

You look to your left, to the rest of the open sky, gaze falling on a large looking object looming nearby in space, surrounded by a ring of asteroids orbiting it. You think of everything your father has ever told you about planets and space and moons, and you let out a short laugh of disbelief. “Alpha is a moon.”

Bellamy turns to you in confusion as all of you walk closer to the water. “What?”

“We’re on a moon, not a planet.” You point to the large planet in the sky. “That’s a planet, and we’re orbiting it.”

Bellamy’s face splits into a grin, in just as much disbelief as you that you’re walking on a moon, something you never could have imagined in a million years. As you all come to a stop on the shoreline, he calls out, “Looks like we found the water source. We camp here.”

Everyone starts to drop their packs, and you sigh with relief, unsure of how much more hiking you could have handled today. You briefly wonder how Murphy is doing considering the two bullet wounds he’s battling, and he seems to answer your unspoken question by dropping his pack and taking off running towards the water, whooping with excitement. You laugh as he runs into the water, despite Jackson’s protests. “Murphy. Murphy, wait! We haven't tested it! Your wounds haven't healed yet!”

Murphy ignores him and dives under the water, and all of you watch him disappear from view, waiting patiently for him to resurface. But a few seconds pass and his head doesn't pop up again, making everyone start to worry. And then a few seconds becomes a minute, and you can feel the panic level rise as Emori stares out towards the water, scanning it for any sign of Murphy. “John?”

Clarke eyes the unmoving lake with fear. “Something's wrong.”

Bellamy drops his pack, already moving to yank off his jacket and dive in after Murphy, when Murphy suddenly pops up, laughing as he looks at all of your worried expressions. “Come on in, the water's fine!”

Emori laughs, “Oh, who knew cockroaches could swim?”

“What, you want me to teach you?”

Murphy comes out of the water, walking towards his girlfriend as she starts to back away, “No, John, no.”

But before she can protest further, he scoops her up and throws her over his shoulder, taking her back towards the water and dunking them both. You turn to Bellamy with a smile as their laughter punctuates the air, a rare moment of happiness blanketing all of you as you watch on. For the first time in years, there is no death, no war, no killing to worry about. There’s just a group of you at the edge of a lake, watching your friends have fun as you explore a moon.

-

All of you set up camp and spend the next few hours relaxing until nightfall. Jackson checks both you and Murphy over, making sure your stitches have survived the long hike. You wince as he inspects your leg, and he doesn't miss it, though he pretends that he does. You’re thankful for that. 

Once he has given you his stamp of approval, everyone lounges around the fire, relaxing for the first time in a long time. With no war looming over your heads, you're able to enjoy each other’s presence. Jackson and Miller are on the outer edge of the group, followed by Murphy and Emori, who are lounging side by side against a log. You and Bellamy are beside them, Bellamy leaned back into your arms, watching as you etch a new notch into your Grounder knife with your skull knife, recording the death of the Eligius prisoner that nearly killed you. Clarke sits on your other side, perched on a log, watching you and Bellamy, and Echo and Shaw are across from you, sharing a different log. You can feel Echo’s gaze on you every few minutes, but you avoid looking her way, not wanting to catch her eyes. Shaw ignores all of you, repeatedly calling Raven on the radio every few minutes, reminding you of the countless calls you made to Bellamy after Praimfaya.

You finish with your knives and slide them both back into their holsters, leaning back against your log and getting more comfortable. Bellamy sinks into your embrace, resting his arm over your knee, tracing invisible patterns there. One of your hands lifts to his hair, absentmindedly playing with his curls, while the other rests on his arm, keeping him as close to you as you possibly can. You hear Bellamy sigh a little, and you look down at him, following his gaze to Miller and Jackson, who sit comforting each other, clearly discussing the sins of their past. You watch them for a second too, before looking down at your boyfriend and whispering, “Miller helped keep Octavia alive, someday you'll thank him for that.”

Bellamy’s gaze lifts from the couple and up to you, clearly unconvinced. “Will I?”

You glance over at your twin, who smiles when you meet her gaze. You smile back, thinking of all the times the two of you have hurt and betrayed each other, and all the times you’ve forgiven each other and grown even closer. And you know that not every set of siblings is the same, but the Blakes operate in a way similar to you and Clarke, all of you more alike than you really realize. And there was once a time when Octavia said she’d never forgive Bellamy for the role she thinks he played in Lincoln’s death, and yet, she forgave him eventually. Octavia’s transformation into Blodreina was shocking to all of you, unable to understand how she got the way she was. But knowing the truth behind the Dark Year helps you to understand Octavia a little more. Though you can't relate to her, and you think she has done a lot of awful things, she’s not a bad person. Just like the rest of you, terrible things have been done to her, and she’s been forced to choose between the lesser of two evils, but none of that makes her bad. Choosing between death or cannibalism is enough to make anyone lose their minds a little bit. Unfortunately, you don't think Bellamy sees it quite the same way you do, but you’re sure that eventually he’ll come around. Which is why you glance down at him with a small smile on your face and whisper back, “There's no starting over without forgiveness, Bellamy.”

“I can't.”

You nod, dropping the conversation for now, aware that pushing him too hard too fast is never helpful. So you plant the seeds of forgiveness in his mind, and you leave them to grow on their own. Bellamy turns his gaze from you, sinking into your arms again, glancing over at Shaw, who mutters, “One more time, Eligius IV, this is Expedition One. Raven, do you read?”

“Raven'll get the radio fixed.” Shaw lowers the radio, face setting into a glare, which he turns on your sister, clearly not interested in any of her comfort. She sees the change, and instantly looks remorseful. “I'm sorry I turned you in, Shaw.”

“You really wanna do this now?”

Murphy calls out from your other side, sounding annoyed that his peaceful evening is about to end. “Maybe you two should speak in private.”

“No, I want you all to hear this.”

“Great.”

Clarke looks at you, and you nod, encouraging her to say her piece. “If I could, I'd go back and do things differently, but I can't. None of us can. For some reason, Monty thought we deserved a second chance.”

“Not for nothing, but this is, like, your fifth chance.”

The insult lands the way Murphy intends it to, and Clarke snaps back, “Yours too, Murphy.”

Murphy smirks, standing up and wiping sand from his pants. “Very good, I got watch.”

As Murphy walks away, Shaw turns to look at Clarke. “You're right. Your friend Monty gave you a second chance, but now what? Salvation comes from faith and good works, what you do, not what you say. You haven't done anything yet.”

Clarke says nothing in return. She just nods, accepting his anger, and you’re about to offer her words of comfort when Bellamy’s hand grows still, no longer tracing patterns on your knee. You look down at him in confusion and he mutters, “Hey, listen. You hear that?”

And as you listen, you have the horrifying realization that you hear nothing. Ten minutes ago the trees were alive with the sound of insects, and it reminds you of the silence in the air before Praimfaya, when Jaha was on the hunt for the Second Dawn bunker. You ask, “What happened to all the bugs?”

Answering your question, Jackson calls out, “You guys gotta see this!”

All of you jump to your feet and jog over to him, meeting him halfway across the beach as he holds out a jar with a bug inside. The bug is scratching and clawing at the glass, trying to reach all of you, clearly pissed that he’s locked up. “Five minutes ago, this thing ate a leaf out of my hand. Now, it wants to eat me. Not only that, its entire physiology has changed from-”

Murphy cuts him off when he slaps a bug on his neck, killing it. The bug inside the jar grows more wild, more intense, and Murphy jokes, “Oh, look at that. Your pet's pissed that I killed its brother.”

You all watch the bug closely, a chill rolling down your spine as you see it tap against the glass trying to escape. But Emori pulls all you of from your thoughts when she looks up at the sky and asks, “What the hell is that?”

You all pause, looking around as the gradual whine and buzz of bugs grows louder, and when you look towards the trees along the beach, you can see hundreds of bugs flying out over the water. Clarke whispers in horror, “Swarm.”

Echo looks at the bugs in a panic, turning to glance at the rest of you as she says, “It's coming from the direction of the ship, we'll never make it back.”

Bellamy’s demeanor changes quickly, catching onto your impending danger before anyone else does. “Everyone cover up, we're heading to the beacon now!”

All of you run back to your belongings, digging through your bags to pull out scarves and jackets, pulling them tight over your body and around your face. Just as you cover up and get your bag pulled on, the swarm bursts through the trees, heading straight for all of you. Bellamy yells, “Move, move now! Cover your faces!”

You all take off running down the beach, Shaw in the lead, the tracking device in his hand. The bugs zip and bite at your skin, all of you yelping out in pain and panic as they make contact with you. As you’re tearing through the woods, you hear Emori call out for help, and Murphy stops in front of you, turning and looking in a panic. “Emori!”

“Help!”

You stop beside Murphy, looking around, trying to find the direction of Emori’s voice over the sound of the swarming bugs, swatting them away from you as they bite and sting your still bodies. Somebody runs up to you and turns, yelling, “Take the flare out of my bag!”

Once you hear his voice, you realize it’s Miller, and you reach into his bag and grab a flare, instantly lighting it and holding it up. The bugs fly away from you, Murphy, and Miller, the three of you standing together, and you hear the others turn and run back your way. Bellamy stops at your side, his brows the only thing you can see through his face cover. They’re pulled together with worry, clearly freaked out that the two of you were temporarily separated, but as he sees the flare keep the bugs at bay, he calls out to the others, “They hate the fire! The flares, light them all!”

Two more flares are pulled from packs and lit, and you hear Emori call out for Murphy once again. He takes off running toward the sound of her voice, and you follow him, keeping the flare held high so neither of you will get attacked. You hear the other two flares burning nearby, following you as you reach Emori, who is laying on the ground and shielding her face. Jackson and Murphy pull her to her feet, and you turn to look at the other flare holders, calling out to them. “Stay together, flares at 3 corners!”

They nod, Shaw taking the lead with his flare, as you and Echo take the back corners, gathering the others inside of your safe zone. All of you run through the woods in a tight knit group, following Shaw as he calls out, “Here, it's here!”

He breaks free from the trees and into an open space, and before any of you realize what’s happening, Shaw lets out a sudden scream of pain. Your eyes land on him, surrounded by smoke, light, and electricity, all circling his body. He falls to the ground, yelling in pain, clearly stuck in something. Searching for a source, your eyes follow one of the bolts of electricity up to a tower. Beside that tower is another, then another, towers spaced out every few feet, forming some sort of invisible barrier, which Shaw is now caught in. Jackson yells to the man, who is still screaming in pain, “Shaw, get out of there!”

“It's killing him! Get him out!”

You look to the towers again, eyes falling on a large danger sign, bright yellow with a large message printed on it. WARNING: RADIATION. You turn to look at the others, yanking your face covering down as your eyes find Bellamy’s. “It’s radiation, it won’t affect me!”

You see his expression morph into one of panic, but you take off running before he can stop you, ignoring his scared voice following you to Shaw, “No! Get back, natshana!”

You cross right through the barrier, your body feeling nothing as you hook your arms beneath Shaw’s, yelling to be heard over his screams of pain, “Hang on, Shaw! I got you!”

You drag him into the field on the other side of the barrier, his cries of pain stopping as soon as the electricity stops connecting to his body. You drop down at his side, getting a look at him from the light from one of the flares, his skin covered in lesions, red and angry, reminding you of Clarke after Praimfaya. You hear the shield crackle briefly as Clarke runs through, following your path, dropping down on Shaw’s other side and looking at him in alarm. The two of you share a worried look, knowing that much radiation was barely survivable with Clarke’s Nightblood, but your thoughts are interrupted by Bellamy calling out, “We're running out of time here!”

Shaw looks at you, reaching out to grab your hand, “The tower.”

You look down at him, nodding. “I see it.”

“Eligius tech, the failsafe code. 47815.”

You look to Clarke, and she nods, immediately taking off running towards the tower. You tug off your pack, yanking it open and digging around until you find your medkit, hand closing around it as Clarke yells to the others, “It's down! Run now!”

The others run inside the barrier, and you hear it go back up a second later as Clarke retypes the code, killing all the bugs as they hit the shield. You search through your medkit until you find morphine, enough to take away Shaw’s pain as he dies from the radiation. You fight the wave of emotion that threatens you, trying to stay calm for both Shaw and the others as you pull the painkiller out of your bag, reaching out for his hand so you can inject it into one of his veins. But his hand closes over yours, and you look to Shaw in shock as he gasps out, “No, don't waste it.”

You open your mouth to protest, but he looks away from you and over to Clarke, who has just dropped down to his other side. “Earn this.” 

She nods, and you meet her eyes, both of you aware that these are likely his final words. Shaw turns back to you, squeezing your hand to get your attention, and you move your gaze back down to his, meeting his eyes. “Tell Raven she deserves happiness. She doesn't think she does, but...she does.”

You nod, fighting back your tears as you remember Shaw’s kindness to you when the prisoners took you hostage. The only person who advocated for you, tried to keep you safe, stitched you up after you were shot. You whisper, “I will, I’ll tell her.”

And as soon as he has your confirmation that you’ll pass on his dying wish, he takes one last shaky breath, and then he goes completely still. You drop your head, trying to hide your tears, thankful when the last of the flares dies out, plunging all of you into darkness. You feel someone kneel down beside you, wrapping strong arms around you, and you know it’s Bellamy before he tugs you closer to him, tucking your crying face into his chest. You allow yourself to shed a few tears for the man you barely knew, before you dry your eyes, and look to Bellamy. “We should bury him.”

He nods, pulling a shovel from his bag, and Miller grabs one from his own, the two men digging a grave for the Eligius pilot. It takes a while to dig a hole big enough, the shovels small, only digging up small patches of dirt at a time, and dawn starts to settle in before you get him buried. As the boys work, you and Clarke make a cross out of a thick branch, remembering his story about being an altar boy in his life before Eligius, meaning he was probably still religious. You use your knife to carve his name into the wood, and once he’s buried beneath the dirt, Bellamy helps you drive the cross into the ground, marking his grave. 

Bellamy says the Traveler’s Blessing, honoring Shaw one last time before you all continue your own final journey on the ground. “In peace, may you leave this shore. In love, may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels, until our final journey to the ground. May we meet again.”

You all whisper, “May we meet again.”

You sit around the grave in silence for a few seconds longer before you start to walk away, following Bellamy and the tracker to the path that is etched out in the field around you. You all follow it in silence, you, Bellamy, and Clarke in the lead, and eventually the field gives way to an incline, the path now winding up a mountainside. As you near the top, Emori finally breaks the group’s silence. “What kind of people have a radiation fence?” 

Clarke counters, “The kind of people that want to keep something out.”

Bellamy ignores them both and announces to the others, “Beacon should be right up ahead.”

Clarke shifts closer to you, voice dropping slightly. “What are we gonna tell Raven?”

“That he died a hero.” Clarke nods, accepting your answer. Murphy, however, does not. “Look, I do hate to make this about us, but-”

Clarke cuts him off, “Then don't. Shaw just saved your life, Murphy.”

“I'm aware. I'm also aware that we just lost our pilot. Madi's still up there, you're not worried you're never gonna see her again?”

Clarke spins, turning to shove Murphy, and you and Miller reach out for her, grabbing her to hold her back. Miller glares at Murphy and mutters, “Ignore him.”

Everyone stops to watch the scene unfolding around you, and Murphy turns to Miller, a smirk on his face. You sigh, knowing shit is about to hit the fan. “Your Red Queen is still up there too, Miller. Who you gonna follow now?”

Miller grabs the front of Murphy's jacket, and you’re about to step in and break up their fight when Bellamy calls out, “Hey! Miller! As therapeutic it is to beat up on Murphy, Emori can fly.”

“Sure. Yeah. I've had one successful landing in a ship I trained in for 6 years.” Emori smiles sarcastically, clearly not confident in taking over the pilot duties. “No problem.”

Echo, who has stayed silent the entire time, calls out to the rest of you, “Guys, stairs.”

You spin around, following her pointed finger, and all of you start moving again, excited at what you’ll find at the top. “Easy. We approach slow, no hostile movements.”

Everyone keeps their guns held low, trying to appear as docile as possible, and as you climb up the stairs it brings you to the edge of a large village. There are houses everywhere, a small pond in the center, and in the back, behind it all, is a large palace, looming high in the sky. You all look at it in shock, taking in the bright colors of the village, and Murphy whispers in awe, “They have a castle.”

You walk slowly into the village, looking for any sign of civilization, surprised to see it still and unmoving. You all spread out, knocking on the doors of the homes in search of people, and you aren’t apart for long before Emori turns towards you, Clarke, and Bellamy, calling out to you, “Hey!”

You all walk over to her, looking up at the small flag she’s pointing to. It’s purple in color, with two suns shining at the bottom of the flag. Within the bottom sun is the infinity logo, and Emori eyes it warily. “Alie?”

You feel a rush of fear until you remember the infinity symbol was part of Becca’s corporate logo. The very same Becca who created the Eligius tech. You shake your head at Emori, reassuring her, “Becca did the tech for Eligius.”

Bellamy deadpans, “Right. Destroy the world, and 200 years later they put you on a flag.”

You look over at him, not used to hearing the cynical tone from him. He gives you and Clarke half a smirk. “See? Hope for us yet.”

You roll your eyes, watching as he turns away and walks over to Murphy, who stands pounding on a door. “Hello? Invaders from Earth. Can we come in?”

“John, keep it down.”

“I don't know why we're knocking. We’ve gone door to door, and no one's here.”

“We don't know that yet.”

Bellamy glares towards Murphy, watching him walk from one door to the next one. “These are people's homes, we're not breaking in like thieves.”

“Bellamy's right. If we want to do better here, we can't just-”

Murphy cuts you off by swiftly kicking the next door open, the double doors flying wide and bouncing against the wall on the inside. You all turn to look at him, incredulous, and he smirks back at you, unbothered. “Well, look at that. This one's unlocked.”

You and Bellamy share a look before you follow Murphy into the open room. Clarke steps in behind you, all of you walking over to a small, miniature altar. Hanging above it is the same flag from before, along with a picture of a smiling family. Below that is a collection of bowls, filled with various objects. You muse, “It's some kind of shrine.”

Clarke kneels down and lifts one of the bowls, turning it towards you and Bellamy. “Blood.”

A shiver rolls down your spine, not liking the idea of blood sacrifices. Bellamy peers at the photo, getting a closer look, before he looks over at you and your twin. “Eligius III, all named Lightbourne.”

Your brows pull together, turning to look at Clarke. “They sent families?”

She nods, assuming that’s the case, and you wonder what it would have been like to leave your home planet and journey to a new one. You guess, in a way, that’s what all of you are doing now. Though, Eligius III probably chose their space exploration. All of you were forced into it. Bellamy gazes at the picture again. “Nice to be remembered.”

Clarke counters, “Or worshipped.”

You step back from the shrine, not wanting to spend anymore time in the room, an eerie feeling washing over you. “Come on, we shouldn't be here.”

Bellamy and Clarke nod, both of them following you towards the door. As you near the exit, Murphy holds up a small device. “Hey, you want a music player?”

Bellamy cuts his eyes to the troublesome cockroach, taking the music player from his hands and returning it to the table near the door. “Behave, Murphy.”

All of you walk out of the shrine, closing the doors behind you, before Bellamy calls out to the whole group, “Split up, look for any signs someone was here.”

Everyone does as they’re told, breaking off into small groups, and you, Clarke, and Bellamy all travel together to the other side of the pond, investigating some of the buildings on the outer edge of the village. When you find nothing, Bellamy wanders over to a swing set, motioning for you to sit in the swing that hangs in front of him, and you pull off your pack and smile at him before settling into the seat. He pushes you, soft at first, your body moving back and forth slowly, until he starts to push harder, your body now swinging through the air. You close your eyes and let out a laugh, amazed at the rush of wind over your skin, making you feel like you’re flying. When you open your eyes again, Bellamy now stands in front of you where you can see him, his gaze locked on you, his smile wide and full of adoration. You smile back at him, both of you watching each other as you slowly lose speed, finally coming to a stop again. Bellamy plops into the swing beside you, and you reach out for him, both of you holding hands as you sit side by side. Your moment of serenity, however, is ruined by the sound of someone loudly singing. You and Bellamy both turn your gazes towards the source of the sound, finding Murphy standing at the top of the castle stairs, singing loudly to all of you. You look over at your boyfriend, both of you laughing as soon as you lock eyes, turning to look back at the personal concert Murphy is giving all of you.

You watch him for a few minutes, and Bellamy eventually reaches into his pocket and pulls out the radio that Shaw was carrying, deciding to test the reception from your new location. “Raven, come in. You read me?”

As expected, the radio is silent, and Bellamy sighs before putting it back into his pocket. You look around at the village, an eerie realization washing over you. “This place is too well maintained to be abandoned. Any guesses where all the people went?”

“If they’re gone, then there's enough room here for everybody on the ship.”

You nod, turning to look around for Clarke, wanting to ask her opinion. But when you look around, your twin is gone, no longer lingering nearby. The building behind you, however, has a door swung wide open, and you turn to Bellamy. “Let’s go find Clarke.”

He nods, and you drop his hand as the two of you stand from the swings, wandering over to the open door of the building, relieved to find Clarke standing inside, a children’s book in her hand. You call out to her, “Hey.”

She looks up in surprise, not hearing either of you walk in, a smile spreading across her face. “Hey.”

You and Bellamy walk closer to her, and you realize now that the building is a small school. There are toys and books everywhere, along with easels, abandoned with art still hanging from them. Clarke closes the book in her hand and looks around at the room. “I wish Madi could have gone to school.”

Bellamy whispers, “I wish Octavia could have.”

You add, “I wish I could have.”

They both look at you, realizing that despite the fact you learned nearly everything Clarke did, you never actually got the experience of going to school like they did. You got close to going on a field trip once, until you opened your mouth and ruined the trick you and Clarke played on your mom. 

Clarke hands you the book in her hand, her eyes gazing at the radio sticking out of Bellamy’s pocket as she does. She turns her gaze to him as you peer down at the book. “Still no luck on the radio?”

“No.”

“Trust me, I know the feeling.” You don’t even realize the words have left your mouth until they do. You freeze up, then try to relax, aware that Bellamy won’t understand what that means, and that your secret is still safe. Bellamy surprises you by whispering, “I'm sorry I couldn't respond all those years.”

You freeze again, your eyes going wide in alarm as you turn to look at him, worried about his reaction. He sees the panic on your face, along with the confusion of how he knows when you never told him, and he clarifies, “Madi told me.”

You sigh, “Of course she did.”

You see Clarke shift awkwardly beside you, and she reaches out to squeeze your hand as she mutters, “I’ll be outside if you need me.”

You nod, barely looking her way, your eyes still locked on Bellamy. When you hear the door of the school close behind Clarke, you look up at his soft expression, no sign of weirdness in his gaze. “I know it sounds crazy, but talking to you every day, even though you didn't answer, it kept me sane. It made me feel like you were still with me.”

“It's not crazy.” He reaches out and grabs your free hand, the one not holding the book, and he threads your fingers together. “I’m so sorry I left you behind. I regretted it everyday for six years, and I still regret it now. I wish I could have been with you, or at the very least, I wish I could have answered your radio calls while we were separated. I hate that I left you on earth alone.”

“I don't want you to regret leaving me behind, Bellamy. You did exactly what I wanted you to do and made a decision that was right for everyone. It was hard to be separated from you for so long, but I had Madi and Clarke, so I wasn't completely alone.” You smile at him, trying to make a joke out of the situation. “Besides, most of the radio calls weren’t that interesting, just little updates about what we did that day, how I was feeling, stuff like that. Largely uneventful.”

He smiles back at you. “Still, I wish I could have heard them.”

He pulls you in for a kiss, long and slow, and you melt into his arms. The two of you have six years worth of lost kisses to make up for, and you’re more than happy to start now. Bellamy must be too, because he backs you up a little, until your butt hits the table behind you. He surprises you by pulling back and swiping the art supplies away, knocking them onto the floor, and you look up at him in shock. He meets your gaze, looking sheepish, before whispering, “Oops.”

You laugh and he pulls you in for a kiss again, tasting your laughter, smiling against your lips. His hands reach beneath your thighs, lifting you and sliding you back onto the table. Your hands go up, around his neck, and you lose your grip on the book that’s been in your hand the entire time. It hits the floor, the spine loudly smacking on the ground, and you pull away and repeat Bellamy’s earlier words. “Oops.” 

He bends down to pick it up, his eyes falling on the title, and you watch the amusement on his face turn into one of curiosity. He holds the book up and reads the title out to you, “Red sun rising?”

He flips the book open to the first page, and the two of you read the words together, something about it seeming a little more familiar than you'd like it to. You exchange a look and without a word you hop off the table, both of you heading outside. Your eyes fall on Clarke, who is standing nearby, listening to Murphy sing. “Clarke!”

She turns and looks at you and Bellamy as you approach, and when you stop by her side, Bellamy holds out the book. “Clarke, did you read this?”

“No.”

She looks between the two of you in confusion, and Bellamy flips open the book to the first page, beginning to read. “Trees and plants give us shade. We eat them every day.”

He turns the page, passing it to her as he reads, “When the stars align, and the forest wakes, it's time to run away.” 

Clarke stares at the picture of the large red sun, her eyes lifting to the eclipsing suns in the sky, looking almost identical to the picture on the page. She flips through the next few pages, reading the words quickly before she looks over at you and Bellamy, horrified. “It's not a nursery rhyme, it's a warning.”

Before either of you can answer, Murphy stops his singing to yell out, “No! No!”

You all turn towards the palace, looking at him in confusion, finding that his gaze is firmly locked on the sky. When you follow it, you realize why. Your transport ship is lifting from the ground, before it turns and flies off quickly, leaving all of you abandoned here, without another way back up to the sky. But then the chaos isn't finished there, because you hear a bloodthirsty cry break through all of your thoughts, and when you look back to Murphy, you see Emori leaping at him, a knife in her hand. Before you’ve even processed the image, she stabs him in the shoulder, and he falls to the ground with a cry of pain. 

You, Bellamy, and Clarke take off running towards them, though you’re the farthest from the couple, and the wound on your calf aches from the strain you’re putting on it now. Miller and Jackson are lounging nearby on the stairs, along with Echo, and Clarke yells, “Miller, stop her!”

Miller and Echo reach Emori first and avoid the knife she’s swinging, both of them managing to grab her and pull her off of her boyfriend. The three of you finally reach them, dropping down to Murphy’s side, next to Jackson as he looks him over. Emori fights against Echo and Miller, screaming out, “He'll do it to you too! He'll do it to you too!”

All of you look at her in confusion, not understanding what she means, as Bellamy helps Jackson put pressure on the knife wound on Murphy’s shoulder. You look over at your twin, scared, unsure what to do, and her gaze is on the book in her hands. She seems to read the words again, taking them in, before she looks up to the sky, staring at the eclipsing sun. You watch her face morph into one of horror before she looks to you, looking just as scared and unsure. And then she says the words none of you are ready to hear: “It's in the air.”

-

next chapter

[omg-imagine]

⊱ Forget Me Not (5/15) ⊰

Pairing: Keanu Reeves x Reader

Summary: After you wake up from a coma and realize that your memories from the last five years have been erased, Keanu works to bring back what you have lost.

Words: 3.1k

Warning: none (i’m giving you guys a break here lol)

A/N: Loved reading everyone’s responses to the previous part, but it will be awhile until you find out the truth 😈 Sorry that this was up later than usual, I’m currently drowning in finals which is thankfully ending this week. I hope you enjoy this one!

Part 4

The sound of birds chirping a sweet, melodious tune stirred you awake, and you rubbed the remnants of sleep from your eyes once they fluttered open. For a moment, you snuggled deeper under the duvet, pressing your cheek to the cool, silk-cased pillow. The soft fabric felt smooth against your skin as you laid there breathing in the scent of it—fresh cotton, with a hint of Keanu, or at least, that’s what you believed he smelled like.

This must be his usual side of the mattress, you thought. The other being yours.

After you had fallen asleep on the car ride home yesterday, you didn’t rouse until Keanu parked his car in the driveway and turned off the engine. Still drowsy from taking your medication, he guided you to the front door and then up the stairs to the master bedroom. He showed you the bathroom and the closet, pointing out where you usually kept the clothes you wore to sleep. When you assured him enough that you would be alright for the rest of the evening, he wished you good night before retiring to the guest bedroom across the hall.

It felt strange being alone in an unfamiliar room, much more sleeping in a bed that didn’t feel like yours. Despite this, you had woken up from the best sleep you’ve had in a long time. It could be because of the soft and comfortable king-size bed you had slept on or the calming lavender diffuser on the nightstand. Perhaps it was the fact that your life seemed to be better now than it was before, even though you had still had a lot to learn. Whichever it was, it didn’t matter at that very second.

Because for now, you would much rather bask in the peacefulness of the world around you.

It wasn’t until when your stomach growled did the tranquil silence fall apart, hunger forcing you to throw back the covers and leave the warm solace of the bed. Slipping on the silk robe that you had found hanging behind the bathroom door, you then stepped out of the room and into the narrow hallway. Immediately, you were greeted by the delicious aroma of eggs and sausages lingering in the air.

Carefully, you descended the stairs, pausing for a few moments to glance at the framed photographs of you and Keanu on the wall, providing glimpses of your happy relationship. There were four in total, all of which were taken similarly, the two of you smiling brightly with radiant eyes. The settings in each one were different; the first had you posing by a lakefront, the second was at a movie premiere, the next at a fancy restaurant, and the last at a garden.

Once you reached the last step, however, you realized that there was a vacant space for a sixth picture.

Turning your head, you caught sight of the photo that could have been displayed there resting on a console by the front entrance. Curiously, you walked towards it and picked it up with your hands, quickly noticing the large crack on the glass. 

The picture was a selfie taken at a scenic overlook in what appeared to be Los Angeles. You had one arm draped behind Keanu’s neck, pulling him close as you kissed his stubbled cheek while he grinned at the camera. It was such a sweet captured moment, and it must have fallen off the wall recently.

“Morning,” Keanu’s voice startled you as he came up from behind, nearly dropping the picture in your grasp. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

You giggled slightly as you turned around, unable to stop the breath hitching in your throat when you saw him. He was dressed in gray sweats and a simple white tee that was just a smidge too tight around his arms. His dark locks framed his face nicely as he gazed at you with his chocolate-hued eyes.

Keanu was surely a sight to see first thing in the morning.

“It’s okay,” you finally replied. “I was too busy looking at this and didn’t hear you coming.”

“I forgot to put it back up,” he noted after seeing what you were holding. “Can’t believe I missed that while I was cleaning the house. I’d have to go out and buy a new frame for that.”

“No rush,” you added, your attention returning to the picture. “When was this taken?”

“Around three years ago,” Keanu answered as he neared you, looking over your shoulder. “That spot is actually special to us. It’s where we shared our first kiss, and since then, we’d always revisit that place.”

You smiled softly. “Really?”

“Yeah. Usually, you and I would take the bike up there to watch the sun go down and wait until the stars appear in the sky. It’s nothing like what you would see if you’re just standing out in the backyard.”

“Wait, a bike? Like a motorcycle? I rode a motorcycle up to the hills?” You spoke incredulously.

Keanu nodded, giving you a small smile. “Yes, you did. I know you’ve never been on a bike before you met me.”

“Don’t get me wrong, those things are cool, but I can’t imagine myself being on one.”

“Well, you grew to love it—the thrill, the excitement, the freedom. I even taught you how to ride by yourself,” Keanu revealed, much to your surprise.

“I must have been the worst,” you chuckled, setting the picture back on top of the console before wrapping your arms around your chest. “It took me years to learn how to get on a bicycle.”

Keanu laughed, brushing his hair back, and you suddenly felt the butterflies in your stomach. Something about his laughter as it reverberated in his chest brought you absolute joy. It also made your heart race, knowing that you were the reason for it.

“No, you weren’t that bad,” he said with a shake of his head. “Honestly, you’re pretty decent, but I promised that we would continue working on it.”

“You don’t have to lie to me, Ke,” you responded jokingly, the nickname rolling out of your tongue so effortlessly at the end.

For a beat, you saw the smile on Keanu’s face fell, but before you could ask him what was wrong, it returned, albeit a bit forced. You didn’t want to think too much of it, however.

“Um, I made breakfast by the way,” he stated in an attempt to change the subject. “I’m not the best cook, but I did my very best. I didn’t burn the sausages, unlike last time.”

“It does smell delicious in here,” you commented, feeling your stomach rumbling once more. “I can’t wait to try your cooking.”

“Good, and maybe afterwards, if you’re up for it, I can show you around, give you an official tour of the house.”

“I’d like that very much,” you smiled, nodding at Keanu before he began leading the way, and you followed.

---

After breakfast, you tried to help Keanu with the dirty dishes, but he insisted that he took care of them, wanting you to relax and take it easy. As he cleaned up the kitchen, you decided to brush your teeth and take a quick shower in your bathroom upstairs.

Peeling off your robe and clothes, you stood in front of the mirror, staring at the scars on your body. Although you knew that they would fade away in time, they would serve as a reminder of that fateful night—a night that remained mostly unknown to you.

Stepping into the shower, you turned on the water, adjusting the settings using the dial on the wall. The water cascaded your back with the perfect amount of pressure and temperature as the warm steam floated around you. Your mind eased as you stood underneath the gentle downpour, letting the mixture of water and soap careen down your body to the drain below.

You closed your eyes briefly, thinking back to earlier when you and Keanu were eating the food he had prepared that morning. He used that time to tell you more about himself. He started off with basic facts such as his family, his childhood, and his favorite hobbies. Then he got a bit deeper, sharing things that most people didn’t know about him. Slowly, you were getting to know the real Keanu, and from what you’ve learned so far, he was a great guy. Sure, he wasn’t perfect, but he was sweet and kind, and that’s what mattered, right?

Once you finished showering, you headed to the walk-in closet in your room with a towel wrapped around your body. Keanu had moved most of his stuff to the guest room, making the closet seem a lot bigger. For a good minute or two, you felt overwhelmed standing there, seeing all of the clothes that you apparently wore but wouldn’t have five years ago. Some pieces appeared to be too expensive for you to even afford, and you couldn’t believe that you owned so many pairs of shoes and purses.

Deciding to put on a black shirt with the word “Arch” emblazoned on it and a pair of jean shorts, you then heard a knock on your door, and you sauntered over to answer it.

“Hey, are you ready?” Keanu asked, smiling. “Nice shirt, by the way.”

“Oh, thanks. I found it in the closet,” you replied as you joined him out in the hall. “Show me around?”

Truth be told, the house wasn’t as large as what you expected Keanu to have. It was smaller than the houses nearby, but more modest compared to those extravagant ones other celebrities lived in. It had three bedrooms and three bathrooms, and a spacious front yard with flowers that you’ve planted yourself. The furniture and decor inside were tasteful, reflecting both of your personalities in each room.

The garage was big enough to fit four cars but instead were filled with Keanu’s most valuable possessions— his motorcycles. You listened intently as he talked endearingly about his bikes, almost the same way a child would gush about a new toy. It even made him excited when you showed genuine interest, especially after mentioning having his own motorcycle company, Arch, which explained your shirt.

Keanu then brought you out to the backyard, which quickly became your favorite part of the entire house. Not only was there a sparkling swimming pool and a patio area for barbeques, but it also had a breathtaking view of the rolling hills and the city skyline in the distance. You had to pause for a moment to take in the view. It was unlike anything you’ve seen before, and you had to remind yourself that this was your home now.

“There’s one more thing I want to show you,” Keanu said after a while, and the two of you went back inside, heading to the living room.

He gestured for you to sit down on the sofa as he walked to the bookcase by the television, pulling out what seemed to be a thick photo album. He carried it over to where you sat, placing it down gently on the coffee table in front of you before flipping it open to the first page.

“Our story,” you read the words written on the paper out loud, and you recognized your own handwriting.

“You love taking pictures,” Keanu began as he turned to the next page. “On our first anniversary, you surprised me with this album. You filled it with all of the photos we took together, showing the many adventures we went on. As time went on, we only added more to it.”

“I always say photographs immortalize precious memories,” you said, looking at each picture with fondness in your eyes. “Mom mentioned that I’m currently working as photographer.”

Keanu nodded. “You quit your office job to pursue your passion. You dream of opening up your own studio one day, but you wanted to gain experience first.”

You hummed in response as you lightly traced a finger over the edge of the page, softly smiling at the pure love radiating out of the images. Behind each of them was a story which Keanu recounted, hoping that it would jog some of your memory back. Although nothing came, you loved the sweetness in his voice as he spoke. He was a fantastic story-teller, bringing up every detail of the moment the picture was taken and making you feel as though you were currently there.

And that’s how the rest of the day mostly went for you and Keanu, only stopping to make sandwiches for lunch before going back to the couch. You were so engrossed in each tale that you didn’t realize the sky outside growing darker until Keanu turned on the lamp resting on the end table, illuminating the space around you.

As you ate dinner together, you couldn’t help but smile at all of the adventures you went on with Keanu. It was more proof that you were at your happiest when the relationship started. You now felt grateful to have met him years ago because you couldn’t even begin to imagine what life would be like if you hadn’t.

Before going to sleep later that night, you read the get-well cards that your loved ones had sent you while you were at the hospital. Most of the names that you recognized were of your family and friends from back home, and until today, the rest had been unfamiliar. Now you know that Betty was the owner of the book shop you and Keanu frequented, Lillian was your old neighbor from the apartment you used to live in, and Harry was someone from work.

It was already past midnight, and you still weren’t tired, even after taking your medicine. Instead of tossing and turning in bed, you decided to pass the time by going through the photo album again. You recalled the vivid way Keanu described the memory, and your head played each moment like it was a scene from a movie. Sighing, you shut your eyes and silently held onto that feeling of bliss the picture gave for as long as you could.

Suddenly, you heard a loud crash from downstairs, followed by a curse. Swiftly, you rushed out of the bedroom and headed to the living room, finding Keanu kneeling down and picking up winter boots from the floor. You assumed he was trying to reach for a box inside a nearby closet but had dropped it.

“Sorry for waking you up, I was searching for something,” he mumbled as he sat on his heels and ran a hand over his weary face.

“Don’t worry, I was still awake,” you reassured Keanu, helping him back up on his feet. “What were you looking for?”

“A camcorder,” he answered before storing the box back on the shelf in the closet. “We brought it with us on our trip to Italy and recorded a few things on it. I wanted to find it and show you the videos, but I think we might have left it at your parent’s house last Christmas.”

Keanu sighed heavily as he padded over to the couch and sank down in one corner. Meanwhile, you trailed behind him, sitting down in the middle as he glanced off in the distance. You could tell that he was exhausted, and you wondered what was keeping him up so late at night.

“What’s wrong, Ke?” You questioned, facing your body towards him as he rubbed his eyes.

“Nothing,” he uttered although he wasn’t very persuasive.

“Then, why are you still up?”

Keanu sat up, clasping his hands together on his lap, leaning forward. His hair shielded his eyes from you, and you carefully reached out to tuck it behind his ear. You didn’t let your hand drop right after, however. Instead, you placed it on the side of his face, softly caressing it with the tips of your fingers as you urged him to look at you.

“Keanu,” you whispered his name as he covered the back of your hand with his own. “You know you can tell me anything.”

He released a breath as you felt him lean into your touch, his eyes fluttering close. When they opened again, his lips finally parted to speak.

“It’s the nightmares. They came back last night, and I wasn’t able to sleep. I tried going to bed an hour ago but just couldn’t do it.”

“What kind of nightmares are they?” You inquired, still holding him.

Keanu averted his gaze as you stroked his cheek with the pad of your thumb. “It’s about your accident. I keep dreaming that you didn’t make it, and all that’s left for me to do is just blame myself for letting it happen in the first place.”

“Why would you blame yourself? I was the one driving in the middle of a storm. You had nothing to do with this.”

You noticed him instantly tense up at your words, and when he tried to move away, you kept him from doing so. “Ke, why would you say that?”

Keanu’s glossy eyes returned to yours as he shook his head. “I-I don’t know.”

You smiled sadly at him, choosing not to push any further for both yours and his sake. You could see that he was having an internal battle with himself, and although it was worrying you, you didn’t want to complicate things even more. “Okay, you don’t have to tell me now. Not until when you’re ready.”

“I want to tell you, but…” he trailed off, and you nodded.

“It’s okay. Whatever you did, I’ll understand. I just want you to get some rest tonight,” you replied as an idea came to your mind. “You probably know this already, but I like falling asleep with a movie quietly playing in the background. Maybe we could try that?”

“You don’t have to stay up for me,” Keanu declined, but you were already reaching for the remote on the table. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry about it.”

You gave him a shake of your head as you turned the television on and quickly found a channel where a film was showing. “Nope, you took care of me yesterday at the restaurant. This is the least I can do.”

Keanu sighed in defeat as he sat back on the couch and calmed down. At first, there was a bit of distance between the two of you. Then, gradually, you began leaning into him, feeling your own exhaustion settling in. You didn’t notice the arm wrapped around your shoulder until half-way through the movie, and you couldn’t help but snuggle deeper into Keanu’s warm side.

Eventually, your eyes began to drift close as the sounds of his light snores filled the room. Not wanting to disturb the peace, you decided to stay there in the comfort of his arms for the night, and something about it simply felt right.

Part 6

Tags: @penwieldingdreamer @fanficsrusz @toomanystoriessolittletime @awessomness @meetmeinthematinee @ringa-starr @ficsnroses​ @iworshipkeanureeves​

[marshmallowgoop]

Doing yearly writing reviews isn’t really a thing. But once you start doing ‘em, it doesn’t feel right to stop, you know?

Seeing progress in other arts is of course a lot easier than seeing progress in writing, but I think there is some forward movement for me, especially when I also consider my compilations from 2017 and 2018.

In regards to 2019, I’ve selected various kinds of writing for this post: analytical essays, opinion pieces, news articles, creative fiction, and maybe some works that can’t be categorized so easily, too. It was a very difficult year on many fronts; I dealt with job struggles, financial insecurity, destroyed relationships, medical hardships, seemingly endless cyberstalking and online harassment. 

But there were good things, too. New friendships. New passions. New outlooks. I feel like I’ve learned and grown a lot more in these past couple of months than I have in a long, long time.

The end of 2019 is more than just the end of one year. It’s also the end of a decade. But I think the best advice I’ve received all decade comes from this year:

✄ Sometimes, you have to say yes to saying no.

✄ If you can’t do something well, do something poorly!

✄ The best option may be to simply not engage.

✄ You don’t have to apologize for disappointing others.

✄ Your worth isn’t measured by how much you “accomplish.”

✄ You have rights: the right to have your needs and wants respected, the right to make mistakes, the right to determine your own priorities, the right to not be responsible for the actions or problems of others, the right to express yourself, the right to be human. It’s not selfish or narcissistic to stand up for your rights.

And, since it is the end of the decade and all, here’s also a comparison between one nerdy fandom essay from August 2010 and another from August 2019:

2010 (with added spaces because yes, this really was just a huge block of text originally):

Also, in my own opinion, nobody really gave a damn for Xion all that much save for Roxas. I mean, yeah, Axel cared a little, but in the end, he got totally mad at her, got mad any time she was mentioned, got mad whenever Roxas worried about her, got mad when she showed up at the clock tower. She was his friend, yeah, and he didn’t want her to go, but in the end, he would have chosen Roxas above her anytime.

The other “mean villains” didn’t really care. Luxord didn’t care, Demyx didn’t care, Xaldin got exasperated once at her, but overall didn’t care, Xigbar didn’t care, Xemnas outright said he didn’t care, Saix was rather cruel to her, but really, in the end, he didn’t give a damn for her. The others weren’t around long enough to have an impression on her. I think even Riku didn’t really care all that much for her, in all honesty. He just wanted his best friend back.  

Also, you have to keep in mind that we played the game through Roxas’ perspective, and it’s in my personal belief that he fell in love with Xion. And if you’re in love with someone, when she gets into a coma, or goes missing, or ignores you, you’re gonna be upset, and talk about it. So Roxas did. 

But you know, he doesn’t actually do a lot of it until the end of the game. Before that, it’s all about the THREE of them. He loves his friends (even if he doesn’t know it), and he wants them to be together forever, but when Xion goes missing or whatnot and they can’t ALL have ice cream together, he gets upset.

2019: 

I’ve written more on the subject here, but to keep it short, Ryuko only tries to take Nui’s life when she’s convinced herself that she’s a monster, and her development is less about her becoming less okay with killing people and more about how she won’t let her anger and rage control her. What makes Ryuko’s attitude so different in the end isn’t that she’s reconsidered her thoughts on murder but that she’s composed. Come episode 22, Ryuko ain’t saying that she’s gonna kill anyone to sound tough or to intimidate. She keeps her cool even against her worst enemies.

But that’s just what I think! Maybe I’ve interpreted the character all wrong. But Ryuko’s freak-out after she goes berserk and hurts others in episode 12, her devotion to defending even people she’s just met… I just struggle to see her as someone who’s actually a-okay with killing. The fact that Ryuko’s perfect fantasy in episode 20 depicts her as a sweet girl without any of the violent tendencies that she has in reality also points this way; not to mention, Ryuko outright admits that her picking fights and causing trouble are bad things when remarking on her childhood in episode 8.

And Ryuko? She doesn’t want to be bad. All the poor girl’s ever wanted is love, and I can’t imagine she’d ever think that getting angry and killing people would get her a lot of that.

Progress may be slow, but it does happen.

At least, I think so.

Image Texts

January 2019

And personally? I find that sweetness just absolutely, utterly charming. When I understood what the rap was trying to communicate, I couldn’t imagine listening to the song without it. Heck, even before I understood, I found the “without rap” edits empty and barren. No matter how “silly” the lyrics might come off, the unabashed cheese is fantastic. The rap section that I was once “meh” about legitimately became my favorite part of the song.

Plus, I really can’t stress enough how sad the song is when it’s purely Ryuko. The official [nZk] remix replaces Senketsu’s rap with a reprise of Ryuko’s first verse, which recounts how she and Senketsu met. And it’s tragic! She says, “But I’m all alone,” and she is. Senketsu isn’t singing with her, no matter her claim that she can hear his voice. Considering what happens to Senketsu in the end, his absence in the song hits even harder.

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/182361051017/oomoj-marshmallowgoop-the-rap-is-good

February 2019

The focus then shifts away from Ragyo, but Kill la Kill ain’t at all done with building the audience up yet. As the scene moves to the following day, viewers are met with quick, close-up shots of Uzu’s note to Ryuko, timed right to the beat of “Blumenkranz.” Uzu wants to duel, and we soon get to see his full request in an engaging low-angle shot where Ryuko looks up to this sign looming over her. The weight and gravity of the situation is effectively conveyed: the smooth transition from Ragyo to here, as well as the music and shot composition, let us know in no indirect terms that this fight isn’t something to be brushed off. Uzu’s duel is a big deal, and it’s very much connected to Ragyo’s expansive empire.

And the tension just keeps growing. Ryuko’s reaction to Uzu’s note is presented with a dramatic canted, high-angle shot. The camera—which is just slightly tilted—peers down at both Ryuko and the sign, communicating a sense of danger and unease. Viewers already know that the upcoming battle is important, but here, we also understand that it’s not going to be easy.

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/182841724817/all-the-discussion-around-episode-6-of-kill-la

March 2019

Kill la Kill the Game: IF is currently being featured at the 2019 Game Developers Conference that runs until March 22nd in San Francisco, and a flurry of new gameplay videos are now available for viewing. Notably, these videos feature full English subtitles for the character dialogue for the first time since EVO 2018 last year and never-before-seen stages, such as what seems to be the Fiber Castle in the Kiryuin Manor.

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/183766224117/kill-la-kill-the-game-if-gameplay-footage-from

April 2019

I mean, Kill la Kill ended over five years ago now. There’s been fairly minimal new content ever since—an OVA in September of 2014, a few pieces of merchandise here and there, a small crossover with Grand Summoners last year. And then, not even 11 months ago, out of seemingly nowhere, there was confirmation for a full-blown Kill la Kill video game. That we now know will be released in just 14 weeks!

Lots of jokes were made about the announcement for a game so many years after the series finale, but, like, seriously, as a longtime Kill la Kill fan, it’s hard to wrap my head around. Ever since the show ended, I’ve dedicated over half a million words to writing about it, spent tens of thousands of yen on books and Blu-rays and CDs, devoted nearly 60 GB to my own GIFs and edits. I’ve loved this thing to death. I’ve always found more and more that I want to write and create from this series, but I never really imagined nor expected that we’d ever get much more official content from the original creators themselves. And now we are getting so much more, and???

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/184228103137/kill-la-kill-the-game-if-releases-on-july-25th-in

May 2019

Kiznaiver: Oh, I was so excited to love this show! I was lucky enough to see an advanced screening of the first two episodes, and I was totally hooked. It was drop-dead gorgeous—and probably the prettiest series Trigger has ever put out—and I was very intrigued by the plot and characters. I remember just coming back to my hotel room at like 3:00 am after the premiere, utterly filled with excitement. I mean, Kiznaiver  was directed by Hiroshi Kobayashi, the episode director behind the two episodes that got me hooked on Kill la Kill (episodes 5 and 18)!

But… my excitement quickly died. The story tried to develop way too many characters in way too little time, and I never enjoyed the romantic pairing of Katsuhira and Noriko, finding it shallow, undeveloped, and nonsensical (in a bad way), which… kind of ruins a lot of the series when that’s arguably the heart of the whole thing.

Kiznaiver is still super, super pretty, though. That last episode’s animation got me shook.

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/184700944732/so-have-you-watched-the-other-stuff-studio-trigger

June 2019

I do recognize that many, many matters do not warrant conversation. I do recognize that the phrase “I’m just trying to have a conversation” can be—and has been—utilized as a means of directing criticism away from inflammatory, unacceptable, inhumane remarks. I in no way feel that hateful, discriminatory comments should be promoted.

Simultaneously, however, “conversation” should not automatically be a dirty word in the field of analyzing and seriously engaging with fiction, and thoughtful reactions should be supported and striven for. Nothing in fiction is ever black and white. There are so many nuances and complexities to the storybook realities of our media. I want commentators and critics of fiction to be passionate about listening, considering, and rethinking those nuances and complexities. Isn’t that why we do this work at all? To share our own point of view and open ourselves up to others?

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/185289615202/we-need-to-change-the-way-we-seriously-discuss

July 2019

Initially, I was really bummed by this lack of development. But as I thought about things more, I… didn’t mind so much. If this dream or universe or whatever is something that Satsuki “experiences” before the events of the anime, of course she won’t grow as a character here. Maybe this game is kind of the Kill la Kill prequel I’ve been begging for for over half a decade.

And as much as I didn’t get anything, I thought the ending bits between Ryuko and Satsuki were so good.

Like, I suppose Ryuko’s absorbing the Life Fibers or something?? But wow, pretty.

And the part where they talk before Satsuki disappears? That’s my kinda anime bullshit. It’s the kinda anime bullshit I wanted from the OVA between Ryuko and Senketsu.

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/186648065467/goop-plays-kill-la-kill-the-game-if-satsuki

August 2019

That book, Log. 2, is a fan doujin from Kotaro Nakamori, who worked as an animator and animation director in Kill la Kill. There’s a bunch of assorted fanart in there, and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if Nakamori is a fan of Urusei Yatsura and wanted to make a little crossover between that series and Kill la Kill.

Personally, though, as someone not too familiar with Urusei Yatsura, I kinda just saw the image as oni-Satsuki (with oni being demon/ogre-like creatures in Japanese folklore). Oni are traditionally depicted wearing tiger skin loincloths, and Lum herself is definitely basically a space oni. So, I saw the cover and got super excited about oni-Satsuki because I love oni a lot, haha.

Fun fact: character designer Sushio has also drawn Kill la Kill characters as oni for setsubun, a celebration that’s held on the last day of winter (February 3rd). During setsubun, you might see folks dressed up like oni—who get beans thrown at them in an effort to bring in good luck and chase naughty demons away.

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/187228888187/do-i-see-satsuki-wearing-lums-outfit-in-your-last

September 2019

Though I don’t see it much anymore, I remember lots of comparisons between Ragyo and the villains of Saturday morning cartoons back in the day. She was described as a generic, two-dimensional “evilz for the sake of evilz” baddie and criticized for her simplicity.

And though I did admittedly agree to an extent—I craved a lot more depth and insight, particularly in regards to her haunting line about “still having something of a human heart” whilst brutally attacking her own daughter in the final episode—I also found Ragyo to be a remarkably compelling, powerful, and horrifying villain even without tons of backstory and explanation. Perhaps my write-up on her first scene in episode 6 best details why; this woman has such a presence, and the visual language of the series amplifies that presence spectacularly. Ragyo’s intimidating and scary without the audience even needing to know anything about her.

And… I’d say that’s a good villain. That’s exactly what a villain should do.

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/187987858537/on-ragyo-kiryuin

October 2019

And, though there are no visuals, so I can’t be sure if it’s an “Ocean of Light” or not, the fourth Drama CD also has the same kinda deal happening. In the CD—which takes place immediately after Ryuko learns the truth of her origins—Ryuko’s pain manifests as an explosion of light that knocks both her and Senketsu unconscious and pushes Senketsu away from her. The sound effect here is familiar, and I’m personally convinced that this is another “Ocean of Light” moment.

Which brings me to the “light” part of the terminology. Light is often associated with good, yes, but light is also associated with heat, and heat is associated with pain. In the Drama CD, Ryuko’s light is so hot that Nui even remarks that Senketsu “almost burned” from it, and when Mako embraces Ryuko after swimming through her “Ocean of Light” in episode 12, Ryuko’s touch scorches Mako’s skin.

I’ve already written an essay on the symbolic and narrative use of fire, warmth, and heat in Kill la Kill (that you should totally read because it’s actually maybe Kinda Good, Maybe), and relating to that, I see the “Ocean of Light” as a physical representation of Ryuko’s fiery spirit. That fire can be used for good, and that fire can also be painful, but no matter what, that fire is a part of Ryuko.

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/188247077227/i-always-wanted-some-explanation-you-are-smart

November 2019

She looks around her cottage. Her eyes find the walls and the furnishings. Her eyes find the scratched floors and stained wood. She does not voice it to the once-emperor, but she had never been able to remove the stains from the attack. Her son's blood has painted the brown wood red. It is a reminder of what she cannot remember. It is a reminder of the past she has forgotten.  

“This home feels so desperately lonely,” she admits. “I do not know who is missing. But it is not complete.”  

The man is quiet. He did not expect to find himself feeling sympathy for the woman's plight. Perhaps she is a fool, to have given her heart to a demon. But kindness ought not be punished, he thinks. Or has he grown so cold that he believes it should be?  

December 2019

🏀 Michiru and Shirou’s relationship may be the focus, but Nakashima emphasizes that Michiru’s relationship with Nazuna is also involved in the story in a big way.

🏀 Nakashima stresses the importance of depicting teen girls realistically. Two women screenwriters are on board: Kimiko Ueno and Nanami Higuchi. Both wrote for Little Witch Academia. Ueno also wrote for Space Patrol Luluco, and Higuchi was behind the production reports in Trigger Magazine (and, interestingly, wrote the script for the anime adaptation of BEASTARS).

🏀In regards to Michiru and Nazuna’s relationship, producer Naoko Tsutsumi (also an animation producer for Kiznaiver and Little Witch Academia) provides input as well. Nakashima says that they greatly value and take to heart the opinions of the women creators.

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/189928986922/otomedia-winter-2020-bna-brand-new-animal

[kc-meets-dc]

My Major Predictions For Season 3 At The Moment:

So, over the last few weeks as we’ve been getting more and more information regarding season three of Young Justice, the theory part of my brain has been going into overdrive. However, I haven’t really been sharing many of the theories I’ve come up with, so I thought I might as well do that now that we’re officially T-minus four days until the season’s premiere. If you have any unique or interesting theories of your own regarding Young Justice Outsiders and feel like sharing them, or if you would like to discuss the ones I have listed here, feel free to drop an ask in my box or even private message me! I’d love to hear from you all! And now, without further ado, here is a list of my major predictions for what Young Justice Outsiders may hold for us based on what we know now...

tl;dr: M’gann paralyzes Barbara, La’gaan will sacrifice himself, Wally returns but it may be a trap, Black Lightning’s daughters will also be a major part of the season, and certain characters will be LGBT (But which ones???). See below for specifics

1. M’gann paralyzes Barbara

I’ll start us off with my newest and perhaps darkest theory: Joker is not the one who will paralyze Barbara and turn her into Oracle. Instead, it will be M’gann who does that. I am going to state the biggest part of this theory that I want to get across right away: M’gann does not INTENTIONALLY paralyze Barbara. Rather, what I believe will happen is, in the new comic issues that will be releasing January 2nd and 3rd, Psimon will have set up a trap for M’gann, as evidenced by the cover and preview panels we’ve been shown. The question is: what kind of trap is it? Well, for that we need to look back on what M’gann’s main story arc has been throughout the series: how she uses her psychic powers to both unintentionally and intentionally hurt people in big ways. It started in Failsafe with her accidentally hijacking the psychic training simulation, then continued on throughout season two with how she abused her powers to get information and also fried Kaldur’s brain, and I believe it will come to its culmination here with her using powers to.for the first time do physical harm to people.

The way I believe Psimon will trick M’gann into crippling Barbara is simple: we know that Psimon has been one of the people hurt by M’gann before when she put him in a coma in “Image,” and in that same episode Psimon used his own psychic powers to project images into M’gann’s mind that showed her greatest fears. Psimon likely expects M’gann to try and put him in a coma again, so this time he psychically projects an image of himself onto one of M’gann’s teammates hoping to torture her by having her put one of her own friends in a coma. However, as shown in season two, M’gann already feels guilty about abusing her psychic powers in such a way after what she did to Kaldur. So, what if she doesn’t want to fry Psimon’s brain again? What if she doesn’t want to hurt him psychically this time, but instead hurt him physically? So, when Psimon projects an image of himself onto Barbara, M’gann uses her telekinetic powers to try and snap him in two, thereby paralyzing Barbara in the process. This will more than effectively set the, as before mentioned by the show’s writers, much darker tone for the season right from the start, and, by having her hurt one of her best friends in a much worse and also much more irreversible way than she has previously done, it will also set M’gann up to take on the much colder personality that she supposedly will have if the rumors on Reddit are true, as she will probably want to distance herself from the people she loves after hurting one of them so badly.

2. La’gaan will sacrifice himself

Okay, first of all, I want to state that this is a theory, not a hope. I have actual, legitimate reasons for believing this will happen. And, furthermore, just because La’gaan sacrifices himself in some way does not necessarily mean he will die. In the comics, La’gaan was actually put in a coma at one point after a fight with the children of Trigon. Granted, in another version of the comics, he actually did get murdered by somebody after being interned in a psychiatric hospital. Hopefully, the writers of the show will be taking the coma route and not the psychological trauma followed by grisly death route.

My reasons for believing La’gaan will sacrifice himself in some way come from something that I definitely recommend you all watch: Young Justice Enhanced. In one of the episodes, Greg Weisman, Greg Berlanti, and the voice of Blue Beelte provide commentary on the episode “Happy New Year,” and in said commentary, Weisman and Berlanti mention how they made the character of La’gaan “intentionally jerky and unlikeable.” Why would they do this? Well, why does any good writer make an intentionally unlikeable character? To redeem them, of course. I believe that, with Kaldur becoming the new Aquaman, La’gaan will now become the new Aqualad with the goal of succeeding Kaldur as Aquaman next. Of course, this would likely put a very strong desire to live up to what Kaldur was like as Aqualad in La’gaan’s mind. Kaldur has some pretty big shoes to fill in the sidekick department. I mean, he was the first leader of The Team, he went on a deep cover mission into The Light in season two, it’s all very impressive and hard to live up to. So, when there is a moment that makes it so that not every member of The Team will make it out alive, La’gaan will likely be the first person in line ready to sacrifice himself so that everyone else gets out because it’s what Aqualad would do. Not only would this redeem La’gaan’s jerky personality big time, it might also unfortunately be the only way the writers will be able to get everyone who isn’t already a fan of La’gaan to start to actually like him.

3. Wally returns, but it may be a trap

Now, obviously Wally’s going to return sometime this season. The aftermath of his death has already been stated to be a major part of the plot this season, and he actually did come back to life already in the comics in the DC Rebirth storyline, proving and providing a way it can be done. Now, why might this be a trap, you may ask? I refer you, of course, to perhaps the most prevalent storyline of season one: The Mole Hunt.

There are three possible ways I can see the writers bringing Wally back since it’s been confirmed that the Speed Force is not a part of their universe: either he’ll be resurrected thanks to the powers of the New Gods, The Light will offer a way to resurrect him in exchange for a favor down the road, or they’ll just do what’s already worked for them in the past and create one of their classic Clone Heroes a la Red Arrow. That final plan has already worked for The Light in the past, and, honestly, why fix what ain’t broke? Certain members of The Team would be way too overcome with joy that their friend is back to question it too much, and it would provide The Light with the perfect opportunity to put another inside man on The Team and even possibly in the Justice League. Only this time they won’t make the same mistakes they did with their previous mole, i.e. they’ll make sure he stays under their control even after fulfilling all of his programming. I’m desperately hoping that the way the writers revive Wally will be through the New Gods and not through The Light, but there’s a much bigger chance that Wally’s resurrection will result in major pain for both The Team and by extension all of us.

4. Black Lightning’s daughters will also be a major part of the season

According to the Reddit rumors, Black Lightning is supposed to be the main focus of this season. This is evidenced by the clip of the first few minutes of “Princes All” where Black Lightning accidentally kills a young girl who was a victim of The Light’s metahuman trafficking operations. I believe that this girl’s death is hard on Black Lightning specifically, not just because he’s the one who killed her, but also because he has two girls just like her waiting for him back home.

Now, the way Black Lightning’s daughters will take their roles in the story is yet to be determined. Maybe they want to become superheroes just like their father but he’s too scared they’ll end up just like that girl on Rann, maybe they become victims of The Light’s metahuman trafficking operations too, they might even just serve to show how Black Lightning’s home life makes his superhero life that much more hard on himself. Regardless, I guarantee that they’ll play a major role this season, and I just want to mention that I am once again back on the thought train that says Black Lightning’s eldest daughter, Anissa, will serve as Traci 13′s love interest this season. Now, while we’re on the topic of LGBT relationships in the series, let’s move on to my final theory mentioned above that’s not really so much a theory as it is already confirmed truth...

5. Certain characters will be LGBT (But which ones???)

This is one of the very few things Greg Weisman is willing to confirm for us that we are definitely getting this season: actual LGBT rep. However, he is not being so forthcoming on who exactly will be a part of said rep. I present the following top 10 list of possible characters in descending order of likelihood that they are in fact LGBT (Note: The first five people on this list are in no particular order as they are already LGBT in the comics and, in Queen Bee’s case, on the show)

Batwoman

Wonder Woman

Traci 13

Kaldur

Queen Bee

Bart

Jaime

Raquel

M’gann

Conner

I have reasons for believing all of these characters are LGBT, but I won’t go into them for right now as this post is already long enough as it is. That concludes all of my major theories for what Young Justice Outsiders holds for us. As stated above, please feel free to message me with your own thoughts and theories, and, as always, stay whelmed, feel the aster, get traught, and have yourselves a very happy New Year!

[carolinesiede]

My 2018 Writing Roundup

2018 was one of those years where I felt like I was frantically treading water all year, only to look up and realize I’d actually managed to swim myself to shore. The previous two years somehow felt simultaneously tumultuous and like a plateau. At first, I thought 2018 was more of the same, but looking back it was way more of a transitional year than I realized. I’m ending the year on a higher note than I started it, which is a really nice feeling. I’m in an apartment I love, feeling a bit more stable, and I even developed the ability to do a full pushup for the first time in my life, which is by far my single greatest achievement of the year!

This was my fifth year as a full-time freelance writer, and I experienced a pretty big shift in the types of articles I wrote this year—fewer short news posts and way more long-form pieces that more truly reflect my voice and opinions. I actually didn’t realize it until creating this roundup, but good god did I do a lot of writing this year. No wonder I had some pretty severe moments of burnout. I’m incredibly proud of the volume of writing I did, although I’m also frustrated that I worked this much yet still frequently struggled to make ends meet. Thankfully, after a rocky year money-wise, I found a little more stability towards the end of the year. Here’s hoping I can carry that forward into 2019!

One of my big goals for 2018 was to immerse myself more in the world of film criticism, and boy howdy did I manage to manifest that one! I quadrupled the number of films I watched this year and filled in some big cinematic blindspots. I also began writing film reviews in a regular capacity, first at Consequence of Sound and later for The A.V. Club and Alcohollywood as well. While I’ll always enjoy writing about TV (and loved covering the shows I did this year!), TV criticism is something I kind of inadvertently fell into at the start of my career. Film has always been my first love, and I’m glad I found the courage and drive to shift into this new area of writing. It’s been lovely to start immersing myself in the world of Chicago film critics too.

But by far my biggest achievement of the year (beyond being able to do a pushup, of course!) is launching my column When Romance Met Comedy for The A.V. Club. I poured my whole heart and soul into the column, both in terms of each individual entry and in terms of shaping its overall voice and making sure to cover a diverse set of films within the rom-com genre. It’s been a lot of work (way more work than is actually cost effective for me, to be honest), but I’m incredibly proud of how the column turned out in its first year. It’s also been really lovely to get so much positive feedback, both from the commentary community as well as from my A.V. Club bosses. I started my writing career with a blog about rom-coms and I find it hilarious that it took me four years to think of actually pitching that as an idea elsewhere. I’m so glad I did, and I’m having a blast planning out my slate of films to cover in 2019. (If you want to stump for your favorite, drop me a line on Twitter!)

With that, I’ll leave you with wishes for a Happy New Year and a roundup of all the major writing I did in 2018. If you enjoyed my work this year, it would mean a lot if you would support me on either Kofi or PayPal. Or just share some of your favorite pieces with your friends!

OP-EDS

My my, what the hell is up with the Mamma Mia! timeline?

A timey-wimey guide to the modern era of Doctor Who

Star Wars: Episode IX can fill Leia’s absence by embracing its forgotten queen

From femme fatale to complex superhero: The evolution of the MCU’s Black Widow

All the songs from The Greatest Showman, ranked

WHEN ROMANCE MET COMEDY

Like the best romantic comedies, Bridget Jones’s Diary is about more than just falling in love

Bringing Up Baby and the screwball comedies that delivered romance via pratfalls

After When Harry Met Sally, almost every rom-com tried to have what Nora Ephron was having

The Big Sick lovingly updated the rom-com formula with a coma and a great 9/11 joke

Something Borrowed and the phenomenon of rom-coms that hate women

In a sea of unintentionally creepy rom-coms, the original Overboard goes, well, overboard

My Best Friend’s Wedding rewrote the rom-com happy ending

Will Smith’s lone rom-com muddled its message about pickup artists and romance

Breakfast At Tiffany’s is so much more than a fashionable proto-Sex And The City

25 years ago, Sleepless In Seattle found the romantic hiding in the cynic

Before palling around with Ant-Man and the Wasp, Peyton Reed was Down With Love

You can dance, you can jive, you can love Mamma Mia! without feeling embarrassed

Maid In Manhattan let Jennifer Lopez’s rom-com talents sparkle

Pair Crazy Rich Asians with this Hong Kong rom-com classic

Jane Austen provided the romantic comedy some Sense And Sensibility

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days set the stage for the rom-com’s downfall

Romantic comedies (briefly) came out of the closet with In & Out

Pretty In Pink is a far superior riff on the Sixteen Candles formula

How Stella Got Her Groove Back is a sexy vacation romp that explores the line between fantasy and reality

The Devil Wears Prada pulls off the perfect romantic comedy look, even though it really isn't one

Enchanted, or: How I learned to stop worrying and love the Disney princess

Why are Hallmark Christmas movies so addictive?

Without hope or agenda: A defense of Love Actually

SEASON-LONG TV COVERAGE

Doctor Who S11

Daredevil S3

This Is Us S2 and S3

Jessica Jones S2

Supergirl S3 and S4

FILM REVIEWS

Crazy Rich Asians has so much rom-com razzle dazzle it practically sings

Ben Mendelsohn battles suburban ennui in Nicole Holofcener’s The Land Of Steady Habits

Michael Shannon is refreshingly ordinary in What They Had, a family drama with focus issues

Mark Wahlberg and Rose Byrne build an Instant Family in a comedy more touching than funny

After a clumsy opening statement, RBG biopic On The Basis Of Sex effectively argues its case

Jennifer Lopez’s overstuffed Second Act offers three movies for the price of one

The Girl in the Spider’s Web: Lisbeth Slander gets an action hero makeover

Widows: An Enthralling Heist Thriller with Some Less Interesting Gangster Drama Touches

If Beale Street Could Talk: Love is a Battle, Love is a War

6 Balloons tackles the everyday agonies of the opiate crisis

I Feel Pretty takes on identity crises while having one of its own

RBG examines the complex, inspiring woman behind all the memes

Book Club does a disservice to its gifted cast of legacy stars

Set It Up is a fine, breezy rom-com for the start of summer

Ant-Man and the Wasp takes a modest quantum leap for the series

Robin Williams: Come Inside My Mind looks into the late comedian’s heart

The Spy Who Dumped Me is a fun but fairly disposable summer flick

Like Father uses the Netflix format to play around with comic conventions

Madeline’s Madeline blurs the lines of fantasy and reality

Life Itself is so bizarre it has to be seen to be believed

Private Life takes a personal, observant look at late-life reproduction

The Nutcracker and the Four Realms is a CGI mess with an earnest heart

The Grinch goes CGI and gets a fluffy, sincere modern update

TV REVIEWS/OP-EDS

Grey’s Anatomy’s lengthy existence isn’t a joke, it’s a strength

This Is Us is obsessed with killing its dad

Three years later, Supergirl is still telling the best female-centered superhero stories

Even without a resurrection, John Legend rises in NBC’s electrifying Jesus Christ Superstar Live

Sara Bareilles and Josh Groban lend an infectious energy to the wonderfully earnest 72nd Annual Tony Awards

Iron Fist season 2 feels like an entirely different show—which is mostly a good thing

13 Reasons Why puts itself on trial but can’t give up its worst impulses in season 2

Sex dreams and explosive rectal surgeries—it must be the Grey’s Anatomy season 15 premiere

Pre-Air Review: Dietland offers an ambitious, unapologetic taste of something new

Season Two Review: The messages of The Handmaid’s Tale season two resonate now more than ever

Season One Review: AMC’s Dietland aimed wide and mostly hit its marks in a chaotic first season

PODCAST GUEST APPEARANCES

Cinematic Universe: Men In Black

Cinematic Universe: Independence Day

Filmography: Wes Anderson comedies

Debating Doctor Who: Favorite guest stars part 1 and part 2

TV Party: Let’s Solve Westworld Season Two

TV Party: Appreciating The West Wing’s “Two Cathedrals”

Plus some other episodes of TV Party including this one, this one, this one, this one, this one, and this one.

MINDMEET INTERVIEWS

Bernard Avle: Human Beings Are Stories

The CyberCode Twins: A Blockchain Beacon of Hope

Jason Berlin and Tour de Crypto: A Pioneering Journey to Raise Awareness for Charity and Bitcoin

And here are similar year-end wrap-ups I did in 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, and 2013.

[mycroft-silently-judges-you]

TFP: Summaries for Forthcoming Meta

Like most of you, I had no idea what to make of TFP after I first saw it. It was full of continuity errors and dream logic; two things the show had generally done a good job of avoiding. It didn’t even feel like a Sherlock episode. Only after multiple viewings and filling out an observation notebook that is increasingly starting to look like a compact version of Anderson’s theory wall, I think I cracked what the problem is with TFP.

I’m not presumptuous or arrogant enough to think that all my theories are going to be proven correct, but even if I’m only half right, then this episode, as crazy as it sounds right now, will prove to be Moffat and Gatiss’ meta magnum opus. That TAB was child’s play compared to this.

Because that is the problem with TFP: it went so meta that every line, every action, Every. Fucking. Frame. is so interconnected that there really is no one place to start a coherent analysis.

But I’m gonna fucking try.

As a forward for all the meta to come, every bit of it hinges on EMP theory and Johnlock being the ultimate purpose of the show. I know morale and faith is low right now and if you need to stay away from this type of content for your own mental health, I wish you the very best and please feel free to ignore me. But if you still have a drop of hope and are ready to continue believing, this is a preview of meta coming in the following days and weeks (subject to change because I’m still making connections):

Sherlock and Hannibal: How one tweet from Mark Gatiss in 2012 helped prove EMP Theory

Sherlock and House: Dissociative comas, shared knowledge, and the breaking down of the dream - a potential episode map for 5x01

Sherlock and James Bond: Every connection and its purpose

Sherlock, Star Trek, and the Three Streams of Consciousness

Sherlock and LGB+ Representation: Analysis of all the queer-coding this episode

Sherlock and Horror: Mark Gatiss’ love for the genre and its heavy influence on TFP

Sherlock and Music: The purpose of the musical choices

Sherlock and Locations: Significant locations, their usage, and inconsistencies

Sherlock, Hell, and the Four Rooms: Why Sherlock is willingly in Hell and how the game was a Rosetta Stone for series 5

Sherlock and Self-Awareness: Sherlock’s perception of himself

Sherlock and John: John’s series 4 characterization and why Johnlock didn’t happen now, but will

Sherlock and Mary: Proof he now knows she is a villain and is gunning for her

Sherlock and Rosie: Evidence that the baby is faker than Richard Brook

Sherlock and Eurus: What she represents and why she exists in the narrative

Sherlock and Humanity: The death of the sociopath and the pedestal he puts people he loves on

Sherlock’s Mind Palace: An in-depth analysis of its depths, capabilities, and influences

THAT Ending: It’s the beginning of something beautiful, but not what you think

Redux, Retcon, and Mirror: The making of the ultimate episode (potentially a 13 part series)

To Hell with Deferred Pleasure: Analysis of the promotion scheme for this series and why Ben’s “love conquers all” comment is correct but was said at the exact wrong time

I am aware that someone or multiple someones may have already covered a meta mentioned above, but I’ve somewhat isolated myself from the fandom after the first 36 hours following the premiere because it was far too toxic an environment for me and I just plain didn’t agree with anything I was reading because I’d already had my epiphany. And it was a literal epiphany too. I was walking my dog when a legit east wind hit me and I tripped over my own two feet and nearly took my dog down with me. It was fucking wild. So please feel free to send me links to posts that have already meta’d a topic I’ve posted above, but I respectfully ask that you wait until AFTER I’ve posted mine. If I see beforehand that people are already running with theories similar to mine I won’t be as motivated to post and my goal with this is to add a fresh perspective to the mix that hasn’t been influenced by a week’s worth of rhetoric. I guess I’m asking that my meta be treated like a control sample??? If I notice something that’s already been discussed, it could act as further proof that what you all have noticed is being seen from the outside as well.

I hope this project of mine will help those of you who still want to believe and if you have any questions, my ask box is always open.

BONUS THEORY: How Moriarty could have faked his death and planted Mary