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raven-cincaide · 2 months

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𝚰𐓣𝗍𝖾𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗍𝗂𐓣𝗀 ɦυꭑα𐓣

Summary: Women were annoying, weak things, not even beings. Just there to be fucked, bred or killed, whichever pleased him the most at that moment. Sukuna had never seen a strong woman until he met you. OR. The time Sukuna encounters a human that he finds the least bit interesting.

Pairing: (hint at Curse user)Fem!Reader x Sukuna (Heian era) Prompt: Back to the basics → Gorgeous goddess/ demon Warning: Cursing, violence, crude language, death, dark fic containing themes and descriptions not suitable for minors and sensitive audiences. Reader discretion is advised.

‘You fought like a man’

It was a compliment in Sukuna’s mind; an acknowledgement which separated you from the typical human women he usually dealt with; the twirly girly kinds that fawn their assets at him in exchange for their lives, the frightened ones that cover behind objects too paralyzed to do anything or the screeching ones that’d run from hiding place to hiding place with their parents, children, partners only to run straight into him. The kind that would drop to their knees or trip over the thick plain garbs they dared call ‘kimono’ and face plant at his feet.

As they scrambled up, they’d stare up at him as if their tears, pleas and doe eyes would make the curses feel something as pathetic as ‘pity’. Cry and scream is all they’d do, clutching to each other like cattle as Sukuna flickered his wrist, slashing them into chunks of meat that’d litter the dirty streets and paint the buildings red. Pathetic, boringly weak.

Not you.

You are interestingly graceless, yes, mortally inferior and untrained. But the most interested he had been in a human in ages. Arms crossed over his chest, he watches you from a distance, the way you clutch the mortal weapons in your hands. Standing on top of a box of wooden crates. Shooting arrow after arrow, which seemed to make more of a difference against his kind than the tools the other humans- men- fought with: dull knives, shovels and pitchforks. You were fighting with a semblance of a level head despite being weaker and outmatched.

Sukuna wanted to see you mad. To see you fight when consumed by rage.

He was sure you’d put up a show. If you lived so long, that is. Which he truthfully doubted; he could tell you weren’t very smart. Indeed another pitiful human trait. No, the smartest for you would be to run and hide, get a reasonable distance from him and his henchmen and then shoot at them from a height- if you had the skill for it. But instead, you stupidly stood still on your crates stacked against the house wall. You are so obvious and visible and so easy to slaughter. All it would take is a single flicker of his wrist, and you’d be gone. But Sukuna refrained, for now, watching how you’d handle your own against a low-level curse. His curiosity entertained.

You are, indeed, an interestingly pitiful creature.

Oblivious to the internal monologue of the demon watching you, or even his very presence, you raise your bow and aim. The tip of your arrow pointing towards a gruelling, gurgling creature that speaks and purrs at the sight of scattered limbs and rolling heads. Reaching for the dead and gnawing at them as if they were a delicious treat. It’s behaviour disgusts you, reminding you to focus. These weren’t humans or living beings—just demons dressed in flesh.

You hold the arrow steady until it glows a faint blue hue before releasing the string. Miss, cursing as it pierces the wall of the opposite house, far away from the demon you aimed it at. You take a deep breath and try again; this time, the arrow soars much lower than you wanted it to, but it connects with the creature's thigh, ripping its leg right off.

Your next arrow takes its arm.

The demon stops its feasting and turns to face you, then roars. Gastly expression, pain and rage contorting its ugly features even more monstrous. But there was something about a mouth full of razor-sharp and bloody fangs that unnerves you so much you feel yourself still. Your body freezes. Heart pounding in your ears. Then, as the creature roars again and limps towards you, you raise your bow again, with your arms shaking. Fear is evident in your expression. You try to shoot and fail, your hands shaking so much they stop working, letting go of the bow instead of the string.

You watch in horror as your weapon falls, pitifully clattering against the base of the crates below you. You look up again at the demon. There’s no time for you to fetch your bow and no place for you to run. You’ve trapped yourself between the house and the beast.

You can smell it now, and visibly pale; the horrid stench that can only be described as decades of uncleaned teeth and rotting flesh, just like what you assume death smells like.

You’re going to die. You’re sure of it now.

An eery type of calm settles over you, the very definition of ‘shikata ga nai.’ It can’t be helped. It is a natural course of life; everything that lives has to die, and now it is your turn. There’s no hero to save you, no human to plead mercy to. It is a natural occurrence that isn’t particular or amazing in the slightest.

You are going to die, and the world will continue after your death as if you never existed. No significant change, no memory of you. Time will tick forward as if you had never existed. Because although you viewed yourself as important, you were just another human- a speck of dust like any other. A soon-to-be shredded and eaten corpse. Your skin would litter the streets like your fellow villagers, and your blood would paint the buildings red.

You are going to die, and no one will remember you for existing or mourn you once you’re gone. You’ve made no difference, no– You cut off your trail of thoughts as your shaking hands grasped an arrow tightly between them, the demon almost on you. You’re going to die, but refuse to die petrified for nothing. The least you can do is take one of these bastards with you.

“Go for the head, brat.”

You visibly startle as you hear an unfamiliar voice boom around the plundered village amidst the cries and groans of your fellow villagers. It's rough and ragged, unbothered, but it helps. It makes your mind focus on that one task—the head. You grasp the arrow tighter in your hands, raising it above your head as the demons launch for you- and you jump at it. With a sickening ‘crunch’, the arrow slices into the forehead, sticking there as you cling to it with all your weight. A second passes, and then the arrow flares a darker shade of blue, beginning to slice through. It happened so fast that the demon has no time to react, yet to you, it occurs as though in slow motion. Inch by agonising inch the arrow cuts through until your feet touch the slippery ground. You try to stand- slip- and flop down onto your stomach in the muck, panting heavily. The demon above you stands a moment longer before each half falls away on either side of you, its sticky guts spilling all over your hair, neck and back.

“Tsk, disgraceful.”

It’s that voice again—nearer this time, accompanied by a steady shuffling of feet. The sandals with odd thin straps and black socks stop right before you. A flicker of hope pulses through you, and you raise your head just a little higher, your gaze trailing up the feminine white kimono with a simple black design and then even further up—thin hips, and broad shoulders, which were definitely not a woman's built. You expect to see a sorcerer, maybe a hero, standing above you. Someone rough-tugged and ragged from years of war. The man you see is the opposite of that, with the sun shining from behind him, towering over you without a speck of blood on him; he looks breathtaking to you; “like an angel.”

Yet the moment the words leave your lips his face contours into one of disgust. The sound of a shrilled cry from the house behind you breaks the moment.

Before understanding what is happening, you see the man you called ‘angel’ raise his arm. “NO!” you scream, throwing all your body onto his outstretched arm, an act that makes him swing just the slightest bit differently. Take off the head of the monster behind you, along with part of the exterior wall of the house you were protecting.

“Insolent brat”, the man spits, his free hand grasping your throat. Choking you. One of your hands tries to pry his fingers off, and the other, still holding the sticky, damaged arrow, raises it. You pray in your mind that you can garnish enough energy to get him to stop, and then drive it towards his hand with all your might.

You feel his grip tighten, and dark dots play in your vision. Then the hand loosens just barely but sufficient for you to get a gasp of air. Keeping you conscious enough to hear him speak, “You’ll make a fine concubine.”

You try and glare through squinted eyes, your nails digging into his skin. “N-never”

“Hah, I’ll have you punished for that. Submit or watch the rest of your village perish.” It was an ultimatum catered to you. As if he knew you’d do anything to protect the villagers behind you, the few that remained. A tempting offer to continue existing, even if it was as his plaything, while at the same time feeding your mortal ego that you were sacrificing yourself for the sake of others. A chance to make yourself remembered- to make a difference. A pact with a demon that would feed into your human desire to protect those you knew and loved—a self-sacrificing fool.

You hated yourself as you dropped your hands to your side limply. “ I’ll kill you”, You promise as he cuts off your air supply again, this time forcing you to succumb to darkness.

Sukuna stares down at you before dropping your limp body to the ground. Then, he motioned for Uraume to get you packed up and round the rest of the demons up to head back. Plundering and slaughtering is done.

For now.

He could trade the reminisce of the village for something as interesting as you. There was nothing left to plunder there anyway, but the entertainment you’d give him as his concubine would surely surpass the price of possibly leaving a few insects behind.

Life is never as it seems~ Raven

Author note: I love the prompt where Sukuna’s woman is weak and gorgeous like a flower, and Sukuna takes care of her (but not before being a total ass!), it's a guilty pleasure of mine. But a small voice in my mind always says that if Sukuna were ever to take a woman as something more than for a night of fun, especially during the Heian era, then it’d be someone who could at the very least, land a scratch on him. Power is sexy like that!

Still, I hope you enjoyed this fic, and if you wanna check out more of my works, see my masterlist below!

Main |Raven | Rules and Requests | Masterlist | Links

All fics are unique works by ©ravencincaide 2024. Do not copy/repost/translate or spread my work(s) without my explicit permission. If you see any of my work(s) reworked/reposted/copied anywhere, please inform me!

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ravencincaide · 1 year

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𝓦𝓮𝓵𝓬𝓸𝓶𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓶𝔂 𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓵𝓭, 𝔀𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝓽𝓪𝓵𝓮𝓼 𝓮𝓷𝓽𝔀𝓲𝓷𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓫𝓲𝓷𝓭,

𝓦𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝓡𝓪𝓿𝓮𝓷𝓼 𝓮𝓽𝓬𝓱 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓲𝓻 𝓵𝓸𝓻𝓮 𝓾𝓹𝓸𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓿𝓮𝓷𝓼, 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓼𝓮𝓬𝓻𝓮𝓽𝓼 𝓽𝓸 𝓯𝓲𝓷𝓭,

Main (Mixed blog): Raven-Cincaide / @raven-cincaide Prompts/Beta: Raven-Cincaide-Words/ @raven-cincaide-words For adult NSFW content: Miss-Cincaide / @miss-cincaide All reblogs are from separate reblog accounts. 🕊 Staff member at PixelCafe -> Chech it out!

Feel free to ask to be mooties, but don't assume ❤

𝓣𝓱𝓮𝓲𝓻 𝓬𝓪𝔀𝓼, 𝓪𝓷 𝓮𝓷𝓲𝓰𝓶𝓪'𝓼 𝓬𝓪𝓵𝓵, 𝓪 𝓻𝓲𝓭𝓭𝓵𝓮 𝓼𝓸𝓯𝓽𝓵𝔂 𝓼𝓹𝓸𝓴𝓮𝓷,

❤ Current SFW chapter project(s): Not my soulmate -> Soulmate au x Chuuya Pretty flowers get picked fist -> Boss Chuuya Over a cigarette -> Boss Chuuya x subordinate Desperate times call for Desparate measures -> New parents! SKK You pitiful little thing -> Kitsune reader x Chuuya

❤ Latest Update: ❤ Update Schedule: TBA

❤ Current SFW one-shot prompts (s): ❤ Latest Update: ❤ Update Schedule: TBA

❤ Current Request status *Working on it* ❤Latest Update: ❤Update Schedule: TBA

𝓐𝓼𝓴𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓲𝓯 𝔂𝓸𝓾'𝓿𝓮 𝓼𝓪𝓿𝓸𝓻𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓶𝔂𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝔂, 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓭𝓸𝓶𝓪𝓲𝓷 𝓾𝓷𝓫𝓻𝓸𝓴𝓮𝓷.

All fics are unique works by ©ravencincaide 2024. Do not copy/repost/translate or spread my work(s) without my explicit permission. If you see any of my work(s) reposted/copied anywhere else without my consent, please inform me!

#masterlist #A writers requiem #ravencincaide

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miss-cincaide · 2 months

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𝑺𝒉𝒉, 𝒈𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍𝒔 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆

This is a dark NSFW blog not for minors. Under 18? Do NOT proceed! 🕊 Staff member at PixelCafe 🕊 Friday Challenge -> Safe word, No! Safe hand Fem!reader x Yuji 🕊Update schedule Thursdays -> Next 5/9

Upcoming prompts: Kinktober 2024 -> TBA in Oktober Under editing: Kinktober 2023 -> To be published in Oktober

𝑷𝒊𝒄𝒌 𝒂 𝒕𝒂𝒃 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒔 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚 ~

All fics are unique works by © miss-cincaide 2024. Do not copy/repost/translate or spread my work(s) without my explicit permission. If you see any of my work(s) reworked/reposted/copied anywhere, please inform me!

#Miss cincaide main #Raven Cincaide masterlist

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laurenhas · 2 days

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Minors DNI

My Flufftober Prompts for 2024

I got these prompts from several sources including the official @flufftober and @raven-cincaide-words

I will add characters to the prompts closer to October. All stories will be “x reader”.

October 1: Campus Crush/Halloween Party

October 2: First Kiss/Apple Orchard

October 3: Meet Cute/Harvest Festival

October 4: Fake Relationship/Costume Contest

October 5: Forbidden Romance/Ghost

October 6: Cuddling/Horror Movies

October 7: Forced Proximity/Corn Maze

October 8: Coffee Shop/Pumpkin Spice Latte

October 9: Fight and Apologize/Superstition

October 10: Second Chance Romance/Pumpkin Carving

October 11: Slow Dancing/ Graveyard Dare

October 12: Flowers/ Strange Noise (in House)

October 13: Lost Pet/Black Cat

October 14: One Bed/ Nightmare

October 15: Soulmate/Couples Costumes

October 16: “Wait, you love me?” “I always have”/ Spells

October 17: Fantasy AU/ Cast a Curse

October 18: Omegaverse AU/ fears

October 19: Fairytale Adaptation/ Haunted Forest

October 20: Secret Admirer/Quija Board

October 21: Jealousy/ Superstition

October 22: “This is spooky.” “…really?”/Horror Books

October 23: Cute Nicknames/Hay Ride

October 24: Hugs/Halloween Cooking

October 25: Indirect Kiss/Costume Shopping

October 26: Lost Heir/Hunting Someone

October 27: Arranged Marriage/ Werewolf

October 28: Enemies to Lovers/ “What ARE you wearing?”

October 29: Holding Hands/Haunted House

October 30: Have My Jacket/ Trick or Treat

October 31: Marriage/Halloween Night

I’m very excited to share with y’all!

#flufftober #fluff

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raven-cincaide · 30 days

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Grow up a little

Summary: There are nights when you can’t sleep and nights like tonight when you can’t stay awake and alone. So you seek out the only person who may scold and tease you but still won’t have the heart to say ‘no’.

Pairing: GN!Reader x Nobara Kugiskai

Prompt Back to Basics → 26. Falling asleep

Wordcount: ~1.2

Warnings: Cursing, Nobara fluff, Platonic

Shuffle shuffle shuffle

Shuffle shuffle

Shiff- duns!

You jumped back, stifling a startled scream as the heavy oak dorm door slammed open with such violence it hit the wall behind it. The hinges shook and squealed, a sound eerily resembling laughter. Which would be rather fitting given your almost pitiful appearance: dressed in Batman pyjamas, with a matching eyemask resting on your forehead, matching slippers and a huge plain white pillow under one arm. You stood with your second hand raised in the air; your fist was curled and flexed forward, seconds away from knocking on the above-mentioned door. Had you been a second earlier, that door would have likely taken your entire arm off- either on its way to ‘open’ or on the bounce back to ‘closed’.

“Seriously?-” Your eyes shifted away from the closing door, which was opened again by the owner of the huffy voice. Nobara was dressed in her usual set of lacy pink with white stripes and black details pyjamas- an obviously cheaper knockoff of Victoria's Secret and with a pair of plain white slippers on her feet. The kind you couldn’t tell if it was from a shop whose name you couldn’t pronounce or Daiso- “When are you gonna grow up? You can’t keep coming here after every encounter with a curse!”

Nobara’s tone was harsh, and a scolding judging glare accompanied her words. Despite her stern appearance and less-than-kind words, she didn’t shut the door straight in your face. If anything, she kept it open with her foot, almost like an invitation. You smiled inwardly at that but bit the inside of your cheek to not show it. Instead, you tried to look more pity-inducing and held the pillow a little closer to yourself.

An expression of I can’t sleep on your face. She raised an eyebrow in response and didn’t budge.

“I can sleep on the floor” " you offered with a light shrug. The floors of Nobara’s room were especially cold and bare; a draft from the crack in the window pane would let the icy night air into the already AC-chilled room. The cold would sink to the bottom of the room, crawl towards the door, hit it and then roll back. You twist and turn against it but to no avail. No, this arrangement would effectively turn you into a frost-bitten-rottiserie-chicken. Overall, it was a sleeping arrangement which would be less than comfortable and far from ideal. But you’d take it over the possibility of being alone in your far too large dorm room where every creak and groan made you jump out of bed with your heart in your throat and cursed weapons at ready. On stormy nights, you’d attack the cupboard opposite before realising your mistake. Tonight was one such night.

So, you’d take being uncomfortable over yet another sleepless night.

Nobara’s loud snort brought you out of your thoughts just in time to see her turn on her heel and head back into her dorm room. She left the door open- an unmistakable invitation for you to come inside. “And then I gotta hear you whine all through morning training how sore your back is? No, thank you!” Nobara called over her shoulder, an unmistakable swing of her hips in her step. It was as if having you show up at the door was some kind of confidence boost and a power trip at once, a reminder that she was in charge and not to think for even a second to step out of line or bend the rules. She offered to let you stay out of the goodness of her heart, her quota of good deeds accumulated for the day, and she’d not have a problem turning you into pulp if you overstepped.

You gulped, knowing full well that woman slept with a hammer under her head.

Nobara pushed the covers aside and sat down on her bed. When you didn’t move from the door, she tilted her head to the side, eyes narrowed dangerously at you. Her expression read one thing: Well, You better hurry the hell up before she changes her mind.

You don’t bother hiding your grin as you shut the door behind you. The piddle-paddle of your feet filled the room's silence as you rushed towards her, haphazardly kicking your slippers off a second before reaching her bed. You threw your pillow towards the headboard and dove for the covers. An ‘ouph’ spilt from your lips as your body made contact with the bed, the semi-hard surface knocking your breath out of you.

“Hey, if you keep jumping like that, you’ll break it!” Nobara grumbled, then yelped as you reached out and wrapped your arms around her, pulling her backwards. She angled her body and flopped purposefully on top of you, turning your laughter into a mock wail of pain as she smooshed you between herself and the bed. Now it was her turn to laugh as she resettled your arms off herself, shifted, and pinned one behind your back in a tight yet not painful hold. “Who’s laughing now, huh?!”

“Owie, I’m sorry”, you cried.

You weren’t. The following laughter showed that as you reached up with your other free hand and tickled her bare foot. Nobara’s girlish squeal surprised you both. For a moment, you froze up. You were surprised that Nobara could even make a sound like that, and Nobara seemed surprised and embarrassed by her reaction. Then your surprise morphed into a devious grin, which did not go unnoticed by Nobara. Her ‘Don’t you dare’ had little effect on your mischief as you made a launch for her feet while she tried to shove you under blankets, roll you up and spike you down like a burrito. A fight you weren’t intending to lose. Not as long as both of your laughs echoed off the walls…

Almost an hour later, you both finally settled down in her bed. You lay on the right side closest to the door, and she laid on her favourite cooler left side facing the window. The lights were out, the room eerie silent but for the draft which wailed pitifully from Nobara’s window whenever the wind outside picked up.

You felt your eyelids grow heavy. Sleep played on the edges of your vision as you stared at Nobara’s back, inhaling and exhaling contentiously.

“ Nobara?” Your voice was sleepy but still loud enough for her to hear you. She responded with a slightly less sleepy ‘mm?’ “ Thank you.” The word felt pitifully small and did not reflect everything you wanted to say to her. How you thought she was an incredibly kind, caring person who-

“ Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just don’t take it as an invitation to cuddle, and don’t even THINK to slobber all over my pillows, or I swear I’ll drive a nail right through you,” she threatened, definitely more awake than you gave her credit for.

Her tirade made you chuckle awkwardly before finally closing your eyes. You knew she didn’t mean it… not entirely, at least.

Author note: This is my first attempt at a lot of things: A gender-neutral fic, a platonic fic and a fic where the reader is paired with a female canon character. Phew, talk about challenging the basics. Please let me know how I did, and I hope you enjoyed the read

On a side note: As of next week Wednesday ‘Back To The Basics’ prompts are taking a hiatus until November 1st while my time and efforts go towards prompts in preparation for Kinktober and Sweetober as well as @pixelcafe-network Friday Challenges!

So, for next time, which prompt and which character should I do?

Main |Raven | Rules and Requests | Masterlist | Links

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raven-cincaide-words · 1 month

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𝓡𝓪𝓿𝓮𝓷 𝓒𝓲𝓷𝓬𝓪𝓲𝓭𝓮'𝓼 𝓚𝓲𝓷𝓴𝓽𝓸𝓫𝓮𝓻 2024

Hello and Welcome to Raven Cincaide's Kinktober 2024 prompt list.

This list is only for 18+ people! Not finding a list that fit my comfort level, I decided to create my own. Note that these prompts are just suggestions- they can be mix or matched between days, shuffled and adjusted to meet your needs. Feel free to use them and please tag me here or at @raven-cincaide so I can enjoy your smutty creations. Hope you have fun!

Day 1. Leather & Latex | Dirty Talk | Hunting You

Day 2. Roleplay | Threesome | Lingerie

Day 3. Titfucking | Uniforms | Beach Sex

Day 4. Hate Sex | Costumes| Facesitting

Day 5. Jealousy Sex| Temp Play| Size Difference

Day 6. Overstimulation | Gags | Praise Kink

Day 7. Phone Sex | Spanking |Quickie

Day 8. Glory Hole | Birthday Sex | Virginity

Day 9. Non-con | Sex Toys | Edging

Day 10. Public Sex | Masturbation | Fingering

Day 11. Prostitution| Bondage | Cockwarming

Day 12. Breeding | Sex Pollen | Mirror Sex

Day 13. Camming | Oral sex | Group Sex

Day 14. Brat-taming | Orgasm Denial | Cumplay

Day 15. Being recorded | Kidnapped | Massage

Day 16. NTR | Drunk Sex | Body Worship

Day 17 Glory Hole| Formal Wear | Knife Play

Day 18. Breath Play| Shower Sex| Getting Caught

Day 19. Sensory Deprivation | Striptease| Pet Play

Day 20. Nipple play | Sexting | Vampires

Day 21. Humiliation or Degradation | Blindfolds | Dirty Talk

Day 22. Werewolves | Leaving Marks | Hypnosis

Day 23. Scent Kink | Car Sex | Ridding

Day 24 Facesitting | Free Use | Morning Sex

Day 25. Foor Sex | Missionary | Tender Sex

Day 26. Exhibitionism or Voyeurism | Licking | Wedding night

Day 27. Striptease | Stockings | Power Play

Day 28. Shibari| Sexy board games | Food play

Day 29. Double Penetration | Begging | Thigh Riding

Day 30. Clothed Sex | Hair Pulling | Semi-public or Being watched

Day 31: Pick And Choose

#kinktober #kinktober 2024 #Kinktober prompts #kinktober list #Raven Cincaide's kinktober prompts #Raven Cincaide Kinktober 2024

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raven-cincaide-words · 2 months

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𝓑𝓪𝓬𝓴 𝓽𝓸 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓫𝓪𝓼𝓲𝓬𝓼

A prompt list for those who feel the need to refresh genres to get back into the hang of writing. Use the words within their genre-categories, take inspiration from the italics line and/or the questions below or play around all across like a writing bingo. The sky is your limit!

Some questions to ask yourself when working with one-word prompts (example with ‘disappointed’)

What does ‘disappointed’ mean? Can you define it in some other way?

How do you usually write it (is it angst?) and can it be the opposite?

Why is the character disappointed? What do they do about it?

How is it expressed/ How does the reader know the character is disappointed?

Why is it important/ Why should the reader care that the character is disappointed?

Can you twist ‘disappointed’ into something more complicated? What happens next?

And most important of all questions; Why?

All fics are unique works by © raven-cincaide 2024. Do not copy/repost/translate or spread my work(s) without my explicit permission. If you see any of my work(s) reworked/reposted/copied anywhere, please inform me!

#Raven Cincaide prompts #writing prompt #writing advice #play with words #Raven Cincaide sneak peak into future projects #writing angst #angst prompt #hurt comfort prompt #romance prompt #fantasy prompt #challenge your writing #Get back into writing #the obvious is not always the easiest

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raven-cincaide-words · 2 months

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𝓟𝓻𝓸𝓶𝓹𝓽𝓼- 𝓹𝓪𝓼𝓽 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓹𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓮𝓷𝓽

Here you will find not only the prompts I am working with but also the prompts I've put up in the past. You can also get an idea of the type of things that give ME inspiration and also a sneak peak into what I'm working on.

𝓒𝓾𝓻𝓻𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓹𝓻𝓸𝓶𝓹𝓽: Back to the basics

See what I do with them on; @raven-cincaide & @ravencincaide (SWF) and @miss-cincaide for NSFW

𝓟𝓻𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓪𝓻𝔂 𝓷𝓮𝔁𝓽 𝓹𝓻𝓸𝓶𝓹𝓽: Kinktober/Sweetober

More info to be announced 𝓟𝓪𝓼𝓽 𝓹𝓻𝓸𝓶𝓹𝓽𝓼:

Art of seduction (To be re-uploaded)

All fics and beta work are unique works by © raven-cincaide 2024. Do not copy/repost/translate or spread my work(s) without my explicit permission. If you see any of my work(s) reworked/reposted/copied anywhere, please inform me!

#Raven Cincaide prompts #Raven Cincaide masterlist #Raven Cincaide writing sneakpeak

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raven-cincaide-words · 2 months

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𝓒𝓸𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 𝓯𝓻𝓸𝓶 𝓪 𝓫𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴/𝓱𝓲𝓪𝓽𝓾𝓼

When writers take a break because something happens- you lose a friend, burn out from writing or spend three months obsessively creating a master thesis on naked activism to the point you can’t stand seeing another dick or titty- the absence is talked about a lot. Including a ton of support. So WE see tons of posts about writers and artists deactivating, leaving, or disappearing because of one thing or another. But, what we rarely talk about is the ‘coming back’ part.

Especially if you’ve grown a bit of a following in the months you’ve been gone, and suddenly you log in and see all the people who adore your stuff and can’t wait to see more of your work, and who are so freaking overjoyed you’re online it’s surreal, it’s amazing. Really. But it’s also pressure. It’s pressure from them and pressure you put on yourself to come back as if nothing happened and continue writing as if you hadn’t just torn up all your art and shut down the draft folder in frustration seemingly for good.

To come back as if nothing happened and write to the same style, tempo, interests as you did before your hiatus, break or pause.

But the fact of the matter is, whether it’s a week, a month or years, you’re no longer the same person you were when you were creating every waking moment of every day. Maybe you’re like me and feel rusty. The scenes are there but the words don’t flow. Or it’s like you’re stuck in a permanent writer's block staring at white pages and blank google docs. You want to write but nothing comes out, So you’re suddenly staring at quotes and guides to get out of writers block; maybe even prompts or your old works wondering how the fuck did you write this in the first place. It seems amazing in comparison to the kiddy text you’re struggling with now.

You remember writing as ‘easy’ and ‘fun’ and now it’s not. It’s hard and painful and far from ‘fun’. So what can you do? I don’t have an answer or a magic solution but I can share what I do to make ‘coming back’ flow smoother and be less awkward for all parties involved.

Be prepared that everything WILL take more time than it did before. If you could churn out a chapter draft a night; give yourself a week for writing and a week to read through it, at least. Keep that in mind when you set up goals (because you should have goals!) so you don’t get disappointed because you’re too ambitious, don’t meet them, and thus end up just giving up instead. Slow and steady wins the race- or wins getting back into shape.

If you feel pressure from your followers/readers/Beta readers, keep an honest and open communication. Explain that you’re still not fully back but may be around more than before- or not. Your choice.

To take a little bit of pressure off- create a new account. Either with a similar username or a completely new one and just have fun with it, try different things, post, edit just to feel like writing/blogging/whatever you do again. A little like colouring outside the lines without knowing what it will be; if you like it, yaay, and if you hate it you can just tear out the page without ruining the rest of your pictures. At the same time giving you a chance to get back into routine, style, feel and interest of writing.

Stay away from things that make you feel like you’re in a box; try new styles, new art, new prompts. For the time, move away from your usual settings, or usual pairings. Quite frankly, don’t even think about characters for the time being!

But for the sake of everything holy, stay away from guides and ‘how to get out writing blocks texts’. No, they aren’t for you, not at this stage at least. Instead focus on figuring out what- if anything- you find fun. What peaks your curiosity? What makes your creativity flow?

As a writer I stay away from scenes or very rigid prompts. Such as A takes B out on a date. Even if it can feel like the easiest approach to getting back into writing- after all most of the work is done for you already, right? Wrong. For me that is very much putting writing into a box rather than having me explore. Instead I work with short- often one word- prompts. For example I am currently working with: Back to the basics. Here is how I approach it:

First I look at the word, for example ‘rejection’. For me, when I write something with rejection it is almost always angst or hurt comfort. So first thing is that I define, for myself ‘what rejection means’; is it rejection of someone, rejection of something, is it from the perspective of the rejector or the rejected? Why is it important/why should we care about someone- or thing being rejected? What importance does it have and how do I convey that importance? Do I have an idea here or should I work more with the word? Maybe a synonym or antonym?

Then I start playing around with it. Okay so if rejection is always angst- can I make it the opposite, for example happiness? Can it be a happy ‘rejection’ why?/why not? Who would be happy to be rejected? (For example in an arranged marriage when one part is in love with someone else? Or maybe being rejected is the push a character needs to make a difficult decision such as move away, commit a crime, etc?) At this point I start trying to gather my thoughts a little with; Who? What? Where? When and Why? While still circling around the word.

Then after I’ve played around I usually have some kind of storyline or idea. No matter how rough, can be just answers to the questions above. No biggy. Then it’s time for a sprint. So I sit down and type it; usually set a 20 min timer, no distractions and type every single word that comes to mind. No edits at this point- not even spell check- just pure word vomit.

Do I have energy for another sprint? IF yes- keep going. IF no, then I start going over the words and beating them into shape. Is it a silly fic? Which barely makes sense? Perfect, post it!

Leave it out there on your new account. Come back to it, maybe write another chapter of it, or just laugh that it exists. Then repeat it again if you feel your anxiety spike. After a while writing will stop feeling daunting- the pressure won’t be so suffocating anymore. And then it really will feel like you’re actually back.

#writerscommunity #writers on tumblr #writing #Raven Cincaide writing advice #coming back #writing advice #writing things #on writing #get out of writing block #working with single word prompts #it helps me-maybe it will help you

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ravencincaide · 2 months

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Important info!

Hello my lovely followers! I am sorry that this isn't a fic update. But I do have some exciting news for you: First of all, I am slowly coming back into writing fanfics. It's NOT BSD yet but I am hoping to come back to my ongoing fics and promised requests next month. (I haven't forgotten about you! I promise!) For now, to all of my JJK fans, by popular demand I've set up a new account where you can read my JJK (and eventually other fandom) stuff: Raven-Cincaide (@raven-cincaide) For those of you looking for writing advice, prompts, beta reading and such. I have been locked out of my words account so set up a new one: See here, Raven-Cincaide-Words (@raven-cincaide-words)I will also be sharing my general thoughts on writing, struggles and sneak peaks there. Finally for my more observant followers, you'll notice that a lot of (hopefully all but I'm still working on it!) my NSFW stuff is set to private now. Unfortunately some minors have been lurking about there and just being downright shitheads and braggy brats that they're in places I don't want them to be and then rubbing it in my face. Once blocked they crying and spam me from additional accounts for blocking them, clouding my inbox. So since people can't behave and I am not in the emotional state to handle this type of kindergarten stress I am going to move ALL my NSFW stuff to a separate account: Miss-Cincaide (Still being set up!- @miss-cincaide). It will be easier for me to block people but also posts shorter thirsts and also start up with headcannons for those into it. BUT!! It is not only going to be reposts. Rather Every.Single.Fic is going to be re-written, and have either a follow up, a surprise or something extra posted at the same time as the re-written stuff. So you'll not only be reading updated versions of old fics- but seeing some brand new dirt as well ;) The goal is to be done with everything by Oktober (So there'll be two posts of naughty dirty per day during kinktober month, yaay!) Hope you're with me on these changes, thank you everyone who's been checking up on me. And slowly, Raven is flying back!

#raven cincaide status #Raven cincaide links #Raven Cincaide plans #Raven Cincaide JJK

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raven-cincaide-words · 2 months

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Raven Cincaide Beta Review

Requested by: Jack-the-rapper Work title: “Captured” Chapter(s) reviewed: Chapter 1 Published fic (link): Yes link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55423462/chapters/140628064 Fic rating: M Mature Pairing: Joker (DCU) & Bruce Wayne Type of review: Medium Fandom & Fandom Familiarity: Batman. I have seen some Batman movies a few years ago but have never worked or written for the fandom. Thus I lack fandom specific knowledge. Please keep that in mind when reading the review.

First Impressions First impression is that this is a dark fic which is something I look forward to reading. It’s got decent language and Bruce is not written in a way which creates no apparent hate or distaste towards him. However the fic loses me a lot in the beginning, because of long complicated sentences and a lot of repetitions while the action or the ‘happenings’ come towards the end of the chapter. In other words, once you get through the slow beginning, the end of the chapter is gripping and interesting, prompting the reader to continue reading the story.

Opening Scene The first sentence is supposed to capture your reader. Which it does, however the following sentences and paragraphs create confusions instead of clarity for the reader. More precisely, the reader understands that Batman is dizzy, fading in and out of consciousness- so why focus on it? Is something happening to him? Is there going to be a high impact scene next? Are we getting why he is like that? Some of this information comes much later, which runs the risk of the reader getting impatient and leaving the story.

Another comment is language in the opening scene. More precisely the sentences are long (not varied) and at times overly complicated, misleading or unclear. For example “Through narrowed slits, he discerned the swaying silhouettes of a space that seemed to dissolve into darkness at its edges, as he gradually emerged from the depths of unconsciousness.” What does ‘swaying silhouettes of a space’ actually mean? Are there shadows playing in the corner of his vision, is he seeing things, or is this another way you’re trying to convey that he is dizzy and disoriented?

Plot /Pacing/ Scenes/ Gaps If I understood the chapter correctly it can be summarized as follows; Bruce woke up hanging from the ceiling by the ropes, he was beaten, bruised and struggled with consciousness. He remembered being captured and repeatedly beaten, felt his injuries, tried to escape but fainted again.

The overall pacing of the chapter is slow: there is a lot of detail about being dizzy, feeling bad and falling in and out of consciousness that draws out the word count without adding to the plot and the overall theme and scenes. The repetitions do not appear to be a rhetorical tool (not like threes) and are not necessarily a creepy-feeling-inducing ploy. Their purpose is therefore a little unclear to me.

There aren’t any glaring gaps, though the shift from flashbacks to present could be made clearer to the reader.

For example a template that could used is instead of just writing ‘flashback’: *Bruce remembered something/ he thought of something*– *insert memory* then- “a wave of pain washed over him bringing him back to the present,” then again something happened making him remember, then again back to the present.

Sorta like a ball being passed back and forth. This could make it flow better and make it clearer instead of repeating ‘flashbacks’ while adding more overall details. This could possibly help with the pacing and flow of the chapter.

Characters & Character interaction Another possible gap falls under character description and concerns his appearance. How is Bruce dressed? Is he in his Batman getup? In his office suit and what condition is it in? Or is he in his boxers?Or something else entirely? What does he feel of his attire and how do the clothes behave/feel on his beaten body? A lot of this section is not covered/unclear so therefore I cannot give a deeper review here.

Genre:(Romance/Angst etc) Not applicable or requested Dialogue Not applicable or requested Settings and landscape The overall settings and landscape could be made more clearer. Perhaps by keeping it in their own paragraphs. For example how does he know it’s a warehouse, has he been there before? What gives it away? AND how does he know that it is abandoned? The overall description of it is rather vague and things like water(?) dripping off the pipe falls in between Bruce’s thoughts/breaths rather than be its own paragraph which makes it easy to overlook or confuse.

Visuals and logic Visuals refers to whether the description of an action makes sense, which is something that this story could improve on. There are several instances which are described in a fashion that don’t make sense or in the very least are difficult to visually comprehend.

For example “As his senses gradually sharpened again, Bruce became acutely aware of the sensation of burning pain radiating from his wrists and shoulder” And later confirming that he does not know how much time has passed which may present a logical issue. A quick google search suggests that hanging by yourself on the bar is generally not something you’d handle for long (https://www.quora.com/What-happens-if-you-hang-by-your-arms-too-long), and the world record for a dead hang is 1h 20 min and 41 seconds. Considering Bruce is generally portrayed as being ‘buff’ or heavy in weight alt. If he is held up for a long time, then his shoulders would dislocate. If they aren’t dislocated, that should give him the indication of how long he’s been up or vise-versa. Also the pain itself (probably even numbness)would be in the entire arms, not just the wrists and shoulders.

Then another inconsistency with time: “Time was a hazy concept, and without any external cues, he had no way of knowing how much time had passed since then.” yet this “His mind raced, trying to piece together when he had last eaten or drunk anything. Flashes of memory teased the edges of his consciousness, but nothing concrete emerged. Perhaps it had been that morning before the kidnapping, but he couldn't be sure” suggests that he has some understanding of how much time passed since he last ate/drank and thus was kidnapped.

Another example “With each passing moment, it became increasingly clear to Bruce that his chances of breaking free from his restraints were slim at best.” Then “In his struggle to comprehend his surroundings, Bruce sharpened his senses, scanning the room for any indication of his captors or a potential means of escape.” The question I get as the reader is; why is he studying the architecture of the room and the structure of it if he can’t even get out of his ropes? What difference does it make if the wall is paper or cardboard-thin and easy for him to punch through if he hasn’t gotten out of his ropes?

Writing style/tone/Voice The general impression of the writing style is that it is very poetic and is written by someone who knows the language well. However it lacks variety and sometimes misses words. Predominantly the sentences are long, stretching several lines and held together with commas. In combination with flowery “Shakesprean” language, it is difficult to read in parts. Note that long sentences can be a disadvantage when it comes to building tension; generally speaking the shorter the sentences the faster you read them and the quicker you build the tension in the reader. Also short and simple sentences can be used to show confusion, disorientation and fear (part of the ‘show not tell’ approach).

For example “Bruce's eyelids fluttered open with a groan, the dim light piercing his consciousness like needles, prompting him to reflexively close them again.” while I understand what you mean, my first thought is: How can eyelids groan? The descriptive word ‘groan’ is not connected to any other body part or thing besides eyelids (compare with “Door opened with screech”). I understand that you mean that he groaned as he opened his eyes, but the way it is written can give a more comical interpretation rather than seriousness of the situation you’re going for.

Another point to consider is voices/perspective and how it perceives others actions. This goes hand in hand with logic and character interaction. Including too much can confuse the reader but also make your story foundation less stable. Even as an ominous reader/writer you have to consider what and how you formulate something. For example “He noted the absence of tools or implements scattered about the room, a deliberate omission by his captors to thwart any attempts at self-liberation.“

As far as I remember Bruce can’t read minds and the assailants haven’t left a note saying they ‘didn’t leave any tools so he could not escape’. An alternative would be something like: “He noted the absence of tools or implements scattered about the room, undoubtedly, a deliberate omission by his captors to prevent any unwanted self-liberation attempts.“ By including something like undoubtedly and re-writing the sentence slightly not only do you improve clarity but also leave yourself open in case Bruce misses something.

Repetitions There are primarily two different types of repetitions in this work that do not help driving the story forward. The first is the sentence repetitions where the same thing is described in different ways yet without adding to the story or driving it forward.

For example; “With each blink, the world seemed to swim and sway, a disorienting kaleidoscope of colours and shapes that refused to coalesce into coherence. Yet amidst the chaos, faint outlines began to emerge from the haze, like distant shapes emerging from thick fog. Though his sight remained muddled and uncertain [...]”

The first sentence, ending with swim and sway is plenty to let the reader know his sight is uncertain, even the first line that ends with’ coherence’ is plenty. The rest such as the description of the outlines of shapes and the sentence after that ‘his sight remained muddled and uncertain’ all describe the same thing as you did with “With each blink, the world seemed to swim and sway” so technically, everything after your first sentence is a repetition that makes your story less clear.

Another example; “Fortunately, he found no signs of danger; the room was empty, and he was alone.”

Again the room was empty or that he was alone would be plenty for the reader. Both become buttery butter so to speak.

Final example: “Bruce's jaw tightened,” and the next sentence “but Bruce gritted his teeth,” both are different formulations of essentially the same thing.

Second type of repetition is theme repetition without action or events taking place. For example

Sentence 1 paragraph 1: “Bruce's eyelids fluttered open with a groan, the dim light piercing his consciousness like needles, prompting him to reflexively close them again.” Some form of struggling to keep eyes open or retain consciousness is present all the way down to

Sentence 2, paragraph 6: “ He blinked away the haze clouding his vision to make sense of the situation.“

The issue with keeping these repetitions is that it describes the same thing in different ways, does not add to the story while carrying the risk of losing readers. More precisely it is only on paragraph six the reader starts getting more than just ‘Bruce feels dizzy and falls in and out of consciousness’. A lot of readers, including myself, would not have the patience to wait an A4 page for something more to happen. People are generally impatient like that, unfortunately.

Overview & Overall impressions My overall impression is that I like the idea and the concept, I like the approach and some of the story telling techniques. But the work could benefit from improving clarity. My two points of advice would be; “Show not tell” to avoid the repetitions and “read aloud” to hear the repetitions, feel if there the same theme is coming back again (eg. if you get the impression “didn’t I just read/hear that?”) and see where you lose the red thread. Also do not be afraid to vary long and short sentences, and do not be afraid to use ‘simple’ language. Not only does it make the work more accessible but it also shows a great understanding of the language. Think quality (and whether it makes sense) over quantity.

Overall, given that it's your first fanfiction, I would say fantastic job! Please take my feedback into consideration and with a bit of practice you’ll be an amazing writer in no time!

#Raven Cincaide beta reader #beta reader review #Betar reader review completed #beta reader

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ravencincaide · 6 months

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hi, i don’t normally comment on things like this— kind of nervous it’ll make you uncomfy but i hope you know how genuinely phenomenal your writing is. i read the anon ask that was like “where are the fics” and like i recognize it’s cause they’re excited to read what you want but some part of me is sad when people treat writers like that. idk… i don’t want to step on any boundaries, i don’t know you as a person, i have no right to decide what’s hurtful for you. i just hope you don’t feel pressured into writing anything, i would hate to witness someone’s hobby become more of a job. once again, i don't know you personally so i could be blowing things out of proportion 😭😭

Hey Anon! Goodness you're so sweet and I would just love to give you a hug and say thank you so much and just show you how appreciated your words are. Honestly you remind me of the old fanfic community and its a breath of fresh air! You did not make me uncomfortable or cross any boundaries what-so-ever (if anything I think you've read me and my self-estreem issues very well haha XD)! That being said I think, unfortunately, that's kinda the way fanfic community is at the moment; not only on tumblr but on other bigger sites (FF.net, AO3..). Fics are taken, translated, read aloud, unique writers styles, prompts and expressions shamelessly copied. There's also a demand from writers to share, produce, provide, be efficient, have a schedule, take requests etc etc while they get threatened with AI, hate, insults, trolls, demands, being reported, get buried/not have any engagement at all and I could go on. Fact of the matter is, there's very little wiggle room as a writer for what you can do 'back' so to speak. Sure you can create a DNI. Or more precisely a " All fics are unique works by ©ravencincaide 2024. Do not copy/repost/translate or spread my work(s) without my explicit permission. If you see any of my work(s) reposted/copied anywhere else without my consent, please inform me! " text to every fic- but does anyone listen? Not really. Sometimes it's still nice to see it though so I'm definitely starting with that even if it is essentiella pointless. You can spend valuable time on playing 'monitor police' on all those who take your work for granted and manually block spam-like, monitoring age/minors & bot-like blogs etc etc while repeatedly reminding about reblogs, comments and such. But ultimately it's not a fun activity; it would entail me blocking basically 90% of my followers. It would also take what little time i have to spare away from writing. And finally, I could just put this blog on hiatus and keep my writing to myself or find a site where I can hide it behind paywalls. Seeing as I write for anime/small fandoms/BSD rather than big fandoms such as Supernatural, Harry Potter etc the chances of doing that and making a name are rather.. well limited to say the least.

So fact of the matter is, independently whether I get hurt or writing becomes a job, if I want my fics out there. And if I want 'Raven Cincaide' to become a penname- a trademark that I could one day use for when I publish an original buyable book, then all the shit that comes with writing- it's just something I have to take with a smile on my face.

Thank you so much for reaching out to me and giving me a small space to vent. <3 Much love Raven

#raven cincaide #raven cincaide asks #writer asks #ask away #asks answered #ask answered #honestly being a writer is an ungrateful task #and I must really hate myself to still keep doing it XD #but hey at least a handful of people enjoy my stuff #and I get a chance to share my thoughts every now and then with an amazing ask!

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miss-cincaide · 29 days

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𝑱𝒖𝒋𝒖𝒕𝒔𝒖 𝑲𝒂𝒊𝒔𝒆𝒏 𝑴𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕

🎩 = Prompt based one shots; 🐇 = Romance/Fluff/Soft ; 🎭 = Angst/Hurt-comfort; 🖤 = Dark/Violence/Abuse; 👄 = PWP

𝓟𝓲𝔁𝓮𝓵 𝓒𝓪𝓯𝓮 𝓕𝓻𝓲𝓭𝓪𝔂 𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓵𝓵𝓮𝓷𝓰𝓮𝓼

👄🐇Safe word, No! Safe hand Fem!reader x Yuji Synopsis: There's nothing quicker to get his attention than letting go of his hand

👄🖤Early owl and Late bird Fem!reader x Toji Synopsis: There's only one place that serves hot coffee, ice'd beer and has showers where you can get railed without anyone caring.

𝑼𝒑𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒋𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒔: Kinktober 2024 -> Publishing schedule TBA in Oktober

Main |Raven|Rules & Requests |Masterlist | Links

#Raven Cincaide Masterlist #Miss Cincaide Masterlist #JJK masterlist

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raven-cincaide-words · 1 month

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Raven Cincaide Beta Review

Requested by: Jack-the-rapper Work title: “Captured” Chapter(s) reviewed: Chapter 1 (re-written version) Published fic (link): Yes link:https://archiveofourown.org/works/55423462/chapters/140628064 Fic rating: M Mature Pairing: Joker (DCU) & Bruce Wayne Type of review: Medium Fandom & Fandom Familiarity: Batman. I have seen some Batman movies a few years ago but have never worked or written for the fandom. Thus I lack fandom specific knowledge. Please keep that in mind when reading the review.

First impressions First impressions of this chapter are similar to the first impressions before the re-write: it is a dark fic which is something I look forward to reading. It’s got decent language although there are some typos and minor errors . Bruce is written much more coherently this time and there is nothing inherently sticking out that makes me dislike or hate him. However the fic still has a lot of repetitions which in part risk losing the reader. Primarily it is word repetitions in the beginning and a lot of theme repetitions towards the conclusion of the chapter which end up weakening or losing the gripping impact of the ending. Turning it from a heart-wrenching and engaged ‘wow’ into more of a surprise ‘huh’. Overall the fic flows well and prompts the reader to continue reading the story. Great work!

Opening Scene: Having read the pre-re-written chapter and this chapter, I have to say this flows significantly better. The opening scene is supposed to capture the reader, which it does much more powerfully in this version. Especially the combination of long and short sentences, and the intertwining of description, action and feelings. This shift between description and thoughts is especially captivating ( for example this line: Stay calm. Breathe. Pain was a signal, not a defeat—it meant he was still alive, still fighting.) It is clear that Bruce is suffering, has been knocked out and is just trying to regain consciousness. This sets a phenomenal tone for the rest of the chapter. Well done!

Admittedly I find that there is some self-contradiction that complicate the clarity of the story and has the risk of losing the reader either because the reader goes back to see if they misunderstood something or because they feel like the text is a self-contradiction. For example a significant part of the opinion scene focuses on the brightness of the room. More precisely, the first part of the introduction is how bright Bruce perceives the scene. The very first sentence is; “Bruce’s eyes snapped open to blinding light,” but it is then contradicted in the third paragraph's first line “When he finally cracked his eyes open slightly, a dimly lit room spread out in front of him.” How can a room be both blinding and dimly lit at once?

Plot/ Pacing/ Scenes/ Gaps The overall chapter keeps the integrity of the first version and my previous summary still stands; Bruce woke up hanging from the ceiling by the ropes, he was beaten, bruised and struggled with consciousness. He remembered being captured, felt his injuries, tried to escape but fainted again. Although in this re-written version there is also a part that has a deeper focus on Bruce's psyche and his feelings of loyalty and connection to those he cares about/ feels guilty towards.

The pacing is much a bit more varied than the previous version and alternates between the descriptions of Bruce’s thoughts and feelings which contrast against the depressing and gloomy higher paced descriptions of the warehouse, the torture and his lack of memory. The flow of the past-and-present is logical and it becomes understandable quite early on that Bruce is suffering from some kind of head injury; be it consequences of a concussion or something else that affects his memory. Thus the pacing is much more interesting and flows smoother than before.

A possible note here is the shifting in scenes between Bruce's thoughts and the talking captors. Their talking seems to come rather suddenly despite their hasty retreat- why is it sudden? Is it so that he didn’t notice the captors talking to each other until that moment, or did he mistake their talking for another sound? (for example the hiss of the steam and as his mind cleared he realized it wasn’t the steam but voices?) or did the captors specifically wait for that moment before they spoke? Why in that case?

Characters & Character interaction: The chapter is much clearer about Bruce and his appearance which also helps with the chapter flow. A small note here could be his feet; in the beginning of the chapter it is mentioned that Bruce stretches his feet but then only later do his feet touch the grid and he feels the heat and at the same time the reader finds out that his feet are bare. Shouldn’t it be something he noticed at the get-go? Especially considering that feet are such a sensitive part of the body? This of course isn’t a huge issue by any means but it's definitely something I noticed and had to go back and re-read.

Genre:(Romance/Angst etc) Not applicable or requested Dialogue: Not applicable or requested

Settings and Landscape: The setting and landscape is significantly more clear as they are part of their own paragraphs. It is a little unclear how large the room is, even if the description points towards a larger warehouse there are also some parts that indicate that it could be quite small? Is it perhaps an isolated part of the warehouse that is the size of a closet? The size of a garage or is it a more open landscape (this is directly connected to the possible logical issue described later with regards to the steam).

Another description and settings related question has to do with Bruce’s bindings. In several places it indicates that his wrists and feet are bound by ropes, yet in one instance chains seem to be involved as well: “Examining the bindings more closely, he saw the knots were expertly tied to the chains” the question that the reader gets is, what chains? How are the chains located and are they interconnected with the ropes or are they separate binding entirely? What is their purpose? An indication of it comes towards the end of the chapter which feels a little too late, perhaps this should be included earlier in his observation of his surrounds?

Visual and Logic Visuals refers to whether the description of an action makes sense, which is something that this story could improve on. There are several instances which are described in a fashion that don’t make sense or in the very least are difficult to visually comprehend.

For example,“Next to it a discarded, bloodied cloth was smeared on the floor, hinting at recent use.” In this instance it appears either that a word is missing, or that the overall sentence should be re-written to improve clarity. The impression the sentence above gives is that it is the rag that is smeared on the floor, which cannot be right as the rag has a firm texture by definition and cannot be smeared. So while the sentence is understandable, it does not logically make sense. An alternative could be something like; Next to it lay a discarded, stained cloth leaking bright red blood at the floor- a hint at its recent use.

Another logical inconsistency is the correlation between the rope strengths and Bruce's strengths. For example: “Each passing second brought him closer to complete exhaustion. To the point where the ropes might hold him, no matter how weak they became” It is logical that the ropes will wear and tear as he hangs on them, especially if they are wet and frey over time. However the condition of the ropes won’t change based on how Bruce feels or doesn’t feel; comparing it to deadweight Bruce still weighs X amount of kgs independently if he is conscious or not. The ropes can hold Y amount of kgs and if the ropes frey and can’t support X amount of kgs then he’ll go tumbling down independently if he is conscious or not.

Another inconsistency in logic is connected to the heat and location-description. More precisely; “Steam hissed and writhed from a hidden vent beneath the blood-stained grid. Its scalding tendrils wrapped around his bare feet, turning the metal into a blistering trap.” If one compares it to cooking a pot of water- it’s logical that the steam is going to rise and not be contained by a grid (unless it’s not a grid but some kind of metal floor instead?). If it is a grid then Bruce would have noticed the rising steam around him when he took in the surroundings or at the very least felt it on just more than his toes; the steam would have hugged him around his legs, arms etc. On the other hand if it’s just a closed floor/metal panel, then it’s difficult to see how it would ‘cook him alive’ so to speak. Taking example from medieval torture devices (eg. hollow brazen bull) it is evident that a rather small space is needed to affect someone strongly enough to notice the heat (the same could be said for house fires in the sense that a closed door could save a room from burning down). So in the context of a warehouse this would likely be a pleasant warmth rather than a boiling heat.

On a side note, the steam generally produces sound, how come Bruce didn’t react to it directly when assessing his surroundings and only noticed it when his foot brushed against the floor?

Writing style/tone/Voice/ The overall chapter is written in the third point of view with some thoughts or sarcastic remarks which help keep the reader engaged. For most parts, those flow nicely and keep the reader focused on the story. These comments add a touch of morbid humour to the mix and I absolutely adored them.

However when the pov changes without any indications, this cuts into the flow of the story. For example “Then he grasped the horrifying truth: he was suspended from the ceiling. Hanging like a piñata. Fantastic. Just need someone to come along and whack me with a stick.” The bold marked ‘whack me’ sentence is a surprise to the reader not expecting a first-pov narrative. It would probably be clearer either to put that part in ‘’ marks or use Italics as a way to highlight that it’s Bruce's thoughts.

The above style of describing thoughts is also inconsistent with the way thoughts are handled later in the chapter, within “” for example: “I may be hanging by a thread,” he thought defiantly, “but I’ll break this thread before I let them break me.” To keep a good level of readability the work could benefit from a consist use; either all thoughts in ‘’, in italics or none marked. Otherwise it is easy to mistake these thoughts for something else (for example speech which would raise its own share of logical issues).

Repetitions Although the repetitions have decreased, there are still a lot of repetitions which could be removed to improve the readability of the text. Primarily it is two types of repetitions present which do not drive the story forward, but rather lose the reader or give the impression ‘haven’t I read that already?’

Firstly is the theme,word or sentence repetition which describes the same thing without adding to it. This is especially present in the beginning of the chapter when describing the torture Bruice feels. This mention of pain and agony is rather redundant, explicitly mentioned within almost every paragraph. By doing a wordsearch through control+f for the word ‘pain’ (which includes ‘painful’) the search returns 20 instances of that word in the chapter. This does not consider the descriptive, show not tell, elements and its synonyms.

Example based on the first four paragraphs: “With every breath, sharp jolts of pain shot through his chest, like lightning striking from the inside.” then “Bruce had clearly done—or failed to do—something significant that had set these events into motion. While the exact details eluded him, the consequences were painfully clear – quite literally.” and “Coarse, tight ropes bit into his skin, keeping his arms painfully stretched above his head.”

The repetition of the word pain makes the sentences longer without adding description to the story. Rather the description comes later which again repeats the painful experience for Bruce (se also example below). Thus bringing us to the second type of repetition which is a theme repetition. This type of repetition describes something without action or events taking place.

For example: there are two paragraphs which focus on and describe the ringing in his ears, one started with “Where the hell was he?” and the rest of the paragraph describes that sensation. Then, the very next paragraph a “A high-pitched ringing roared in his ears.” This later repetition doesn’t contribute much to the feeling or story and raises the question in the reader ‘haven’t I just read that’.

Another example: “Wincing with every breath, a low, a guttural moan escaped his lips as the rough-cut ropes scorched his skin with every tiny shift. Immobilized and barely able to touch the grid-like floor with his feet, the strain on his wrists rising to a crescendo of agony.”

In this particular instance, the first sentence carries very much the same meaning as the second sentence, creating the notion of ‘buttery butter’.

Final example: “The deliberate absence of tools underscored the professionalism of his captors.” then the same paragraph near the end “The meticulous planning revealed their expertise[..] Further down “Examining the bindings more closely, he saw the knots were expertly tied to the chains—a sign of professional skill.” This last part becomes especially redundant as the reader has already understood the captors are professional. Then a sloppy rope-tying job is not peculiar or attention grabbing. If you would like to keep it, an alternative could be to point out that it was as expected, for example “Examining the bindings more closely, he saw the knots were expertly tied to the chains—as expected”

The issue with keeping these repetitions is that they describe the same thing without driving the story forward, while risking losing readers. The first part of the repetitions focus on word repetitions while the second kind are showing without telling the pain. There are stylistic repetitions that help guide the story forward and set the scene, for example this one: “But even Bruce was not above his body’s limits. Exhaustion set in, and his breaths grew shallow as a haze clouded his vision. Shadows deepened, curling from the corners. Darkness started to encroach at the edges of his vision. The beam above blurred, seemingly mocking his faltering resolve. His battered body felt like an anchor, and his grip on the rope slipped with each passing moment.” It sets a nice prerequisite for the ‘sudden sickening lurch’ sentence. However the paragraph in between filled with his fatigue and reminiscent of fail, doom and overcoming this adversity is a bit redundant, takes away from the overall gripping feeling and gives the impression of buttery butter.

Overview & Overall impressions Overall impression is that I like the idea and concept, and the way this re-write flows in comparison to the previous version. There are interesting storytelling techniques and rhetorical tools that really enhance the flow. Although there is still some Shakespearean language present, there is significantly less of it which also helps with comprehension. The inclusion of shorter sentences could be used even more in some parts but overall there's a huge improvement!

Additionally are significantly less redundant repetitions although there are still many present. There are a few more linguistic errors, such as missed words, double words “AA raw [..]” and some adjective inconsistencies which could be solved by re-reading the work aloud a few times.

My overall advice would be not to be afraid to cut away text, especially parts that convey the same main theme or idea. A way to help with this is first to keep one idea per paragraph- which also helps the reader to understand what happens (think of a red thread, the more you bring into the same paragraph, the more the thread becomes tangled) then look at your paragraphs and mark out the ‘key sentence’ in each. If the key sentences match, then the paragraphs have the same key idea and can often be combined/ re-written to convey the key essence of both into one. Thereby making the story more efficient, easily consumable without losing its readers or the fantastic punch of the ending.

Overall however, very well done and I look forward to reading the next chapter!

#Raven Cincaide beta reader #beta reader review #Betar reader review completed #beta reader #Captured #Batman #Jack-the-rapper

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