#SMH WHERE DID I GET THE 11TH

[recklesssturniolo]

I have this friend. I don’t want to talk to her about it, cause it was july 11th(my bday not hers) but on her birthday I stayed up and told her happy birthday right at 12AM. I wanted to make her feel special, show her my love for her. And I made the entire day abt her, talked to her all day, wished her the happiest bday, posted a bunch abt her and how I’m extremely proud of her and how I love her sm bc she’s my best friend, but on my birthday she didn’t even say happy birthday. I didn’t even wanna remind her cause it just made my heart sink. The next day I brought up something abt my bday and then she said ‘OHHH YEAH YOUR BIRTHDAY WAS YESTERDAY’ and she sends this paragraph she ‘meant’ to send on my birthday, but I can tell she half fasted it. I didn’t do that to her, I sent her a huge paragraph telling her how much I appreciate her and our friendship. But what hurts the most is knowing she didn’t forget, she just chose not to say it. She made my entire birthday about her, just talking abt this girl she’s friends with. It made me feel like crap. I just needed to get this off of my chest cause it’s been bothering me, and I don’t wanna talk to her abt it cause it was like almost half a year ago and it’s gonna sound ridiculous smh

I honestly get where you’re coming from & this doesn’t sound ridiculous. You did a lot for her birthday and in return she didn’t reciprocate the same amount of love and care that you deserved ): you deserved more and I hope next year you’re birthday is much much better 🫶🏻

[project1939]

100+ Films of 1952

Film number 106: For Men Only 

Release date: July 11th, 1952 

Studio: Lippert Pictures 

Genre: crime drama, social issue

Director: Paul Henreid 

Producer: Paul Henreid, Edward Nassour 

Actors: Paul Henreid, Margaret Field, Kathleen Hughes,  

Plot Summary: A beloved college professor is horrified when one of his favorite students dies during a fraternity hazing. He vows to get justice for the young man and outlaw hazing on the campus. Powerful forces are just as determined to sweep everything under the rug, however. 

My Rating (out of five stars): **¾  

This is kind of a B grade “message film” bringing attention to a contemporary social issue. In this case, the message is that college hazing is dangerous and should be outlawed. Like a lot of message films, it suffers from some heavy-handedness that gets in the way of the actual story. This was also apparently the first film Paul Henreid directed, and it’s unfortunately not hard to guess that it wasn’t directed by a master. It’s not bad, but... I did write the word “pedestrian” in my notes when it came to the actual style.

The Good:

The message was undoubtedly a worthy cause- back then about a dozen people every year were dying during hazing events. Obviously hazing still exists today, but clearly not to the degree that it used to. 

Paul Henreid as Professor Dr. Brice. He definitely has heaps of charisma and sex appeal, and he acts the part well of a quietly heroic college professor who makes the hearts of females flutter. 

The actor who plays Tod, the victim of extreme hazing. I was surprised to learn he didn’t act in many films, because I found him very appealing. He had a sweet charm about him, and his acting, although not outstanding, was certainly up to par. 

The actors in the supporting roles were quite good for a low budget film. This might be because Henreid, an actor himself, directed it. 

The story was interesting and easy to become invested in. 

The Bad: 

The title! It evidently got changed for the later part of its release, because it was scaring women away. They changed it to Time for Men Only, which is only sliiiightly better! It just makes the film sound trashy and salacious, and its connection to the plot is tenuous at best. The poster is unfortunately the same. What the hell does "RIPPED!... from the heart of a woman's hate!" have to do with this movie?!

Some of the writing could get cringy or preachy. An example: the final week of hazing was called “Hell week,” and when Henreid gives a big speech against it he says, “Let’s turn Hell Week into Help Week.” smh 

The style was a bit plain at times. The shots were generally generic mediums and close-ups with minimal camera movement. It wasn’t bad, as I said earlier, but it was more serviceable than creative. This is just a B film, though, so... 

There was a long section of scrolling words at the beginning of the film giving us an information dump about hazing, some statistics, and why it’s so dangerous. It went on forever- I felt like I was getting hit over the head before the film even started. 

There was a tendency to “tell” rather than “show," as the example above illustrates.

Animal abuse! Thankfully this wasn’t directly shown on camera, but vividly implying the death of a little dog?! It was horrifying! Thankfully I knew it was coming, or I might have totally lost it. 

There were some distractingly comedically bad punches thrown throughout. I did love a scene where Henreid basically bitch slapped a baddie, though! 

The way one particular female student kept overtly propositioning the married Dr. Brice. And I mean overt. It was more than gross. 

Was Dr. Brice maybe a little too perfect? 

[snazzamazing]

Me, realizing that the fnaf 2 anniversary is on the 10th and not the 11th:

[lyteupthelyfe]

fun facts abt my newly-started, ongoing twelfth (12th) run of fe3h:

first time making liberal use of the dlc costumes!!!

first time dressing up byleth in the academy uniform + with the glasses!!! the fit suits him so well!!!

first time using the lord class ever

first time running fortress knight/GK dedue ever

first time running falcon knight ingrid

first time running ingrid in actually any physical class ever

3rd time playing normal mode. at this point i’ve run hard twice (runs 2 + 3) and maddening seven times (4, 6-11).

because of this i have caught myself several times anticipating nonexistent poison strike damage and made a fool of myself in ch5 by anticipating that the reinforcements would same-turn move LMAO

i got mad for a hot second because everyone was levelling faster than they were mastering their beginner classes??? (for some reason??? iderk man,,)

BUT

it has also been THE most fun i’ve had in a 3h run for a HOT second (literally since run 4. runs 5-11 were VERY prescriptive abt class promotions and even by halfway through run 11 i was just annoyed at the idea of doing very restrictive runs)

which has made me realise that this run has no reason to not be like. a catharsis run. who CARES if i’m playing on normal/casual ng+?? why should it MATTER to ME of all people if my units are so overpowered, huh!??!? YES i will take my dancer-to-be dimitri with his ng+ hair and YES i will take my brawler felix and archer mercedes. DEDUE WITH AN AXE HAS NEVER FELT SO GOOD.

i take the 3h class system and realise just how BROAD and expansive it is and realise that YES!!!! u can put anyone in ANY class!!! it doesn’t need to be their best class or worst class bc those dont exist!!!! 11 runs have taught me this!!! every unit is good in every class u just gotta take that shit w/ your heart forget the meta forget the memes and eat hero ashe and wyvern lord caspar and valkyrie annette for BREAKFAST bcause there r no rules!!! in any video game!!!

ppl will make videos and tier lists and strategy guides but its all bullshit!!! games dont need to be scientific they exist for you to have fun!!!! i see u funky guys on this webbed site that find maddening hard, or intimidating, or whatever!!! and take it from me, maddening’s just another way to play!!! “uR nOt a ReAL gAMeR iF u cAnT bEAt maddening” smh shush!!! maddening exists for the challenge + reward of beating it but literally nothing else!!! queen u don’t need to put yourself through a gamemode u hate, ever!!! u can spend just as much time putting your guys in the funkiest costumes to completely style on the battlefield!!!

bc i found out that YES what i love most about 3h is a) big numbers but actually ABOVE that its the costumes and outfits u get from class changes!!! post-timeskip dimitri (during pt 1!!!! did u know u can do that on ng+????) never looked so good with gloves, rolled up cuffs, a ponytail and the sexiest blue cape to match!!! put everyone in maid and butler outfits or silly little p.e. uniforms or picnic clothes or whatever mix of literally all of it!!! bc u just can!!!

3h was my “comfort game” but even when i had everyone in the wrong classes, over the six ‘contraclass’ runs on maddening mode it was just a slog!!! the only two class choices that i ever looked forward to were falcon knight lysithea and bow knight manuela!!!! one class for one character on two seperate runs!!! smh!!!!

bc i’ll let y’all know, when i was already close to finishing my 11th run, i VOWED to just…do a run of 3h where i wasn’t beholden to any rules or any standards or ANYTHING!!! and its completely injected a new love of the game into me! the hang-ups and restrictions and high-strungness have been a work-in-progress to get over, but it has been GENUINELY fun!!!

I also recently did like half of cindered shadows again!! it was so fun!! until it wasn’t!! but i put a pause on that go, and might just lower the difficulty!!! because i can!!!

so anyway! don’t ever let you get told by anyone how to play a game!!! find whats fun for you! do what’s fun for you!! bc you can do whatever!!! esp w/ 3 hopes releasing this week! i will SO enjoy wrecking absolute FACE w/ mercedes bc i find her so fun to play!!! will i solo w/ mercedes??? probably! but who cares! i can do it so why shouldn’t i!!!!

Anyway. yeah. fun fact about my twelfth run of three houses? i realised that i could simply have fun in a video game :D

[snowonthebeachmp3]

July 2016

Jul 3rd - Taylor's 4th of July festivities kick off at her Rhode Island house. Guests include Tom Hiddleston, Abigail Anderson, Matt Lucier, Claire Winter, Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively, Karlie Kloss, Josh Kushner, Austin Swift, Ruby Rose, Harley Gusman, Halston Sage, Gigi Hadid, Cara Delevingne, Britany Maack, Ben LaManna, Martha Hunt, Jason McDonald, Uzo Aduba, Chioma Aduba, Jordan Masterson, Kesha, St Vincent, Ed Sheeran, Cherry Seaborn, Rachel Platten, Kennedy Rayé and the Haim sisters. (x) (x) (x) (x)

This is the day Tom wears the infamous 'I <3 TS' tank top while they're all at the beach. (x)

Jul 4th - The online mockery for the 'I <3 TS' shirt is quick to pour in. Daily Mail commenters are yet to shut up about it in 2021.

The party continues with a giant inflatable waterslide, body painting, karaoke, charades and fireworks. (x) And also Kesha and Haim getting tricked by Cara, Uzo and Ruby into thinking they heard scary noises in the night, and trying to call the police but not knowing their own location. (x) (x)

Jul 5th - The day after the party, when all the guests post their photos online.

Britany posts a photo of her & Ben, Blake & Ryan, and Taylor & Tom. (x) The internet has a field day with Ryan's unimpressed facial expression. (x) (Ryan later says that it's just his resting bitch face as he wasn't aware a photo was being taken. (x))

Taylor posts several photos to Instagram of her celebrating the 4th July with friends, but doesn't post any pictures with Tom. (x)

Claire Winter posts a bunch of Polaroids, including one of Taylor and Tom kissing. (x)

Abigail posts a photo to Instagram showing the banners Taylor put up to celebrate her engagement to Matt and the anniversaries of Cara & St Vincent (real name Annie Clark) and Ed & Cherry. (x)

Jul 6th - Taylor and Tom fly out of Rhode Island (x) and arrive at LAX that evening. (x) They then get on a plane to Australia.

Joe attends the Warner Music Group summer party in London. (x)

Rumours are swirling that Tom is no longer in consideration to be the next Bond, due to his relationship with Taylor. (x) (x) (x) (x) (x)

Jul 8th - Taylor and Tom are flying on a commercial Quantas flight so someone is able to take a pic of them on the plane. (x)

According to another passenger on the plane, Taylor plays Scrabble during the flight (presumably on her phone because nobody takes big physical board games on commercial flights and the creepshot of Hiddleswift on the plane suggests she wouldn't have had anywhere to put the board anyway). In hindsight, knowing how Taylor and Joe play lots of Scrabble together including online Scrabble aka Words With Friends, and how they stayed in touch largely via texting that summer, it’s very possible she was playing against Joe.

Taylor and Tom arrive in Sydney, where Tom is about to start filming for Thor: Ragnarok. (x) Aussie media, including daytime TV, goes nuts over Hiddleswift's arrival in the country. (x)

Flying from LA to Australia involves crossing the international dateline, so they would have left the US on the 6th July local time and arrived in Sydney approx 15 hours later on the 8th July local time.

Calvin's new song Olé, written for John Newman, is released. There is speculation that it's a Hiddleswift song, written from Tom's perspective and containing lyrics implying that Taylor cheated on Calvin with Tom. However, sources also told multiple outlets that the song was written and recorded months earlier, and its supposed links to Hiddleswift were just for publicity. (x) (x)

Jul 9th - Tom goes out for a run (x) and avoids answering questions about Taylor. (x)

Jul 10th - Taylor and Tom go out for dinner to Gemelli Italian restaurant in Broadbeach on Australia's Gold Coast. (x)

Jul 11th - Taylor is named as the highest earning celebrity on the 2016 Forbes Celebrity 100 list, with earnings of $170m mostly due to the 1989 World Tour. If she and Calvin had not split up, they would have been the top-earning celebrity couple. (x)

Jul 12th - Taylor visits Lady Cilento Children’s Hospital in South Brisbane. (x)

Jul 13th - Us Weekly makes a wild claim that Tom is planning to propose soon, and Taylor is going to say yes. The magazine cover also claims they're already talking about babies. (x)

TMZ claims that Taylor wrote TIWYCF, and that Calvin disrespecting Taylor following its release was the reason for their breakup. (x)

Taylor Swift really is the creative brains behind Calvin Harris' monster hit "This is What You Came For," and their relationship fell apart because he disrespected her when the song was released ... this according to sources connected with Taylor.

It's a fascinating story. We've learned an early fan rumor about the song is true, but to a deeper extent than anyone suspected. During their relationship, Taylor wrote the song, sat down at a piano and did a demo into her iPhone. She sent it to Calvin, who loved it. They both went into a studio and did a full demo with Taylor on vocals and Calvin doing the beat.

They both knew the song would be a hit, but Taylor wrote it for Calvin and both agreed it was a bad idea to let the world know they collaborated as a couple ... it would overshadow the song.

So Taylor, who kept the publishing rights, used the pseudonym Nils Sjoberg on the credits.

//

The problem in the relationship came the day the song was released. Calvin appeared on Ryan Seacrest's radio show and Ryan asked, "Will you do a collaboration with your girlfriend?" Calvin responded, "You know we haven't even spoken about it. I can't see it happening though."

We're told Taylor was hurt and felt Calvin took it too far.

It was a quick downward spiral from that point. One source called it "the breaking point in the relationship." The Met Gala was several days later, when Taylor danced with Tom Hiddleston.

Tree confirms to People magazine that Taylor did write TIWYCF under the pseudonym Nils Sjöberg. (x)

Calvin also confirms that Taylor wrote TIWYCF and goes on a Twitter rant:

Katy Perry tweets a gif of Hillary Clinton with a smug/'told you so' expression. (x) She also retweets an older tweet from May 2015 which reads, 'Time, the ultimate truth teller.' (x)

#TaylorSwiftIsOverParty trends on Twitter (x) (x) and Taylor's Instagram comments are spammed with the snake emoji. (x)

Following Calvin's tweets, TMZ publishes another article claiming he is downplaying Taylor's involvement in the song as she wrote the melody in addition to the lyrics. (x)

Jul 14th - Taylor goes out shopping in Gold Coast. (x)

Tom mentions Taylor in an interview with the Hollywood Reporter: (x)

You're in the middle of a cultural frenzy right now because you're dating Taylor Swift. How would you respond to people who claim that you're involved in some sort of publicity stunt?

(Laughs.) Well, um. How best to put this? That notion is — look, the truth is that Taylor Swift and I are together, and we're very happy. Thanks for asking. That's the truth. It's not a publicity stunt.

Martha says at a Pepsi/World Emoji Day event that Taylor and Tom are 'both happy and free together. It's amazing, I'm all about people being happy in love.' (x)

Kim talks about Taylor and the Famous controversy in a clip from an upcoming episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. (x)

“I never talk shit about anyone publicly, especially in interviews. But I was just like I had so had it,” Kim says in the clip to her sister Kourtney. “I wanted to defend him in it. She legitimately quote says, ‘As soon as I get on that Grammy red carpet I’m gonna tell all the press. Like I was in on it.’”

“And then she just didn’t like the reaction?” Kourtney says in response.

“Yeah, and you know just another way to play the victim,” Kim replies. She then brings the infamous VMAs moment from 2009 by saying, “It definitely got her a lot of attention the first time… I just don’t think he should be punished for it still to this day.”

Jul 17th - Kim posts an edited recording of Kanye and Taylor's phone call. In it, they discuss the 'I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex' line and Taylor says, 'Go with whatever line you think is better. It’s obviously very tongue in cheek either way. And I really appreciate you telling me about it. That’s really nice.' However, nowhere in the Snapchat video does Kanye consult her about the line, 'I made that bitch famous,' which is the line Taylor insisted she had never approved. (x) The other Kardashian sisters retweet and support Kim. (x)

(The full recording of the call, leaked in 2020, confirms that Kanye never told Taylor he was going to call her a bitch. It also shows her reminding him that she sold 7 million albums before he had even heard of her, in response to him suggesting the lyric, 'I made her famous.')

Kim takes to Twitter to call Taylor a snake.

Taylor posts a statement on Instagram responding to Kim's Snapchat video. (x)

Selena tweets, 'There are more important things to talk about… Why can’t people use their voice for something that fucking matters? This industry is so disappointing yet the most influential smh' (x)

Katy Perry tweets, '#RISE above it all' and links to her new single. People interpret it as a dig at Taylor. (x)

Martha Hunt tweets, 'It's pathetic how quick our culture is to sensationalize a fabricated story...' (x)

Jul 18th - #KimExposedTaylorParty spends the day trending at number one worldwide on Twitter. (x) To the point where 0.8% of all tweets posted in the entire week from the 18th-24th use the hashtag. (x) (Assuming that 1/7th of the week's total tweets were posted on each day, that means more than 1 in every 20 tweets on the 18th used the hashtag.) #TaylorSwiftIsOverParty also returns.

TMZ claims to have a copy of a letter from Taylor's lawyer, dating back to February, demanding that Kanye destroy the recording of their phone conversation and reminding him that it is a felony to secretly record a phone conversation in California. (x)

Taylor changes the name on her writing credits for TIWYCF on the BMI songwriters database. She is now listed as Taylor Swift instead of Nils Sjöberg. (x)

Camilla Belle, the subject of Taylor's 2010 song Better Than Revenge, posts a quote to Instagram which reads, 'No need for revenge. Just sit back & wait. Those who hurt you will eventually screw up themselves & if you’re lucky, God will let you watch.' (x)

Abigail tweets against Kim and Kanye, saying, 'May God forgive you & your wife for doing to others the very things you pray are NEVER done to your daughter.' She deletes the tweets after receiving death threats but leaves a tweet which reads, 'Guys…I will always stand by my best friend. There's no point in fighting over that.' (x)

Joseph Kahn (director of many of Taylor's music videos) defends Taylor on Twitter. (x)

The aunt of Dinah Jane from Fifth Harmony tweets, 'I always knew @/taylorswift13 was a SNAKE! Trying 2 break up my girls & use @/camilacabello97 as her protégé bitch bye you’ve been exposed!’ (x) The tweet is soon deleted and she claims her account was hacked. (x) (Camila quit the band at the end of 2016 and has since said that Taylor had nothing to do with her decision to leave.) (x)

Paula Erickson, Taylor’s former publicist from 2007 until 2014, likes a two-and-a-half-week-old tweet dragging Hiddleswift for being a badly executed bit of PR by Taylor and Tree. (x)

James Corden spoofs the recorded phone call on the Late Late Show. (x)

Calvin is rumoured to be dating Tinashe. (x)

Jul 20th - Todrick Hall defends Taylor, saying, 'She's one of the most genuine people I've ever met in my entire life.' (x)

Uzo Aduba says Taylor is 'a beautiful person and strong' and that she will overcome the Kimye drama. (x)

Paula likes another tweet shading Taylor and Tree. (x)

A graffiti artist creates a mural in Melbourne 'in loving memory of Taylor Swift' (misspelled as Smith). According to the artist, they are then contacted by Taylor's lawyers and threatened with legal action. (x)

Jul 21st - Taylor's Wikipedia page is vandalised with insults. (x)

Taylor and Tom fly back from Australia into a private airport in LA, and are seen out and about. (x) (x)

Jul 22nd - Fergie, who had Kim appear in her M.I.L.F. $ music video, says she thinks the Kimye-Taylor feud was planned and 'they’ll probably all come together at the MTV Awards or something.' (x)

Taylor goes to the gym in LA. It is the first time she has appeared in public since Kim posted the edited video, and her phone screen is now shattered. (x)

She also returns to Instagram to wish Selena a happy birthday. (x)

Jul 23rd - Taylor goes to the gym in LA. (x)

Tom is at Comic Con in San Diego. (x)

Calvin lip-syncs to Kanye's song That Part in a video posted on his Snapchat. (x) He also attends J-Lo's birthday party and is photographed with Kim. Apparently they have a friendly chat. (x) A source claims to E!, 'When Kim walked in Calvin saw her and stood up. He was clearly excited to see her and said 'hi' to Kim backstage.' (x)

Jul 24th - Taylor blocks the snake emoji from her Instagram comments section using a new Instagram feature. (x)

Tom is seen at the Four Seasons Hotel in Beverly Hills with members of Taylor's security team. (x)

Jul 26th - Tom flies back to LA from NYC, where he has just spent a couple of days. On the same day, Taylor's plane arrives back in LA from Nashville, where she has spent a couple of days. (x)

VMA nominations are announced. Taylor is not nominated in any category, despite Out Of The Woods and Wildest Dreams being eligible, leading some people to think she has been snubbed. Gossip Cop, an outlet widely used by celebrity publicists to quietly squash rumours, says that Taylor did not submit any videos for consideration this year. (x)

Jul 27th - Taylor goes to the gym in LA. (x)

John Newman, singer of Calvin's song Olé, jokes, 'Supposedly we had a holiday where he was movin’ on from his ex-missus,' referring to the trip to Mexico to film the music video, which involved girls and a yacht. He also says he doesn't think it's his place to say what inspired Calvin to write the song. (x)

Taylor and Tom go for dinner at Hillstone restaurant in Santa Monica. One source claims they 'seemed to really be enjoying each others’ company.' (x) It is the last time they are papped together.

Kanye makes a surprise appearance at Drake's concert in Chicago where he responds to Kim's Snapchat video for the first time, saying, 'All I gotta say is, I am so glad my wife has Snapchat. Because now y’all can know the truth. And can’t nobody talk shit about ‘Ye no more.' (x)

Cara appears on James Corden's show and talks about how she, Uzo and Ruby pranked Kesha and Haim at Taylor's 4th of July party. She mentions consulting Taylor and Tom first so that security knew what they were up to. She also says that Taylor and Tom got woken up at one point by all the noise they were making, and came upstairs together to find Cara and Uzo still making ghost noises. (x)

Jul 28th - Taylor goes to the gym in LA. (x)

Jul 29th - Sources close to Calvin deny rumours that he is planning to collaborate on music with Kanye. (x)

Abigail likes E! News' Instagram photo of Tom and Taylor going out for dinner on the 27th, which has a gushing caption about them. (x)

Jul 31st - Taylor is seen entering her gym in LA through the back door. (x)

A fan sees Tom and Taylor at The Church Key restaurant in LA. (x) The outing is not papped.

Intro // February // March // April // May // June // July // August // September // October // November

[bellamygateoldblog]

So, I read a lot of your personal posts and I'm just really curious about you. You seem very stressed out and tired all the time. Are you a college student? Are you just in a financial situation that necessitates that you work all the time? I just feel bad because It seems that you do not absorb joy very much. Like, I have seen that you recently started watching that show The 100. You seem very pissed off about it and yet keep watching it? You confuse and intrigue me. Explain?

"it seems that you do not absorb joy very much" has been playing on my mind ever since i read this. It hit something close to my heart.

I know i’m not obligated to explain anything and i don’t tend to put my life online (i don’t have any social media, so that should give you an idea of how secretive i usually am) but i literally stayed awake for 30 hours straight before sleeping for 15 hours straight and of course i don’t feel very well after that lol. I feel like i need to talk through some things that i’ve been keeping to myself for a long time. Get it out of my head, stop carrying it around, maybe gain some control over it.

I never intend to make anyone feel bad though, but i don’t have anyone to talk to so i guess i sometimes make those posts as a substitute for someone listening. Or for me being pissed about the 100, i think that’s my mood translating into what i end up posting in general.

Anyways this is A Lot. I obviously don’t mind if you read it. Advice would be nice, if anyone has any.

I’m a 2nd year university student. Due to severe mental illness (often making me physically sick and exhausted) these last 2 years have been extremely difficult so that's left me in a very intense situation essentially just trying to ensure i pass the year. That means handing in all the assignments i deferred basically all at the same time, after not attending the year at all. Like no lectures, no workshops, no lessons, nothing past the first month of semester 1. It's really not an ideal situation and my condition isn't improving the way i thought it would (you know when you think ‘this is the worst it can possibly get’ and then it gets worse?), and i can't focus. I’m resourceful and naturally decently smart, so i’m able to still pass a year of uni without...going. I’ve become less capable over time but because of other life experience i don’t place value on academic excellence anymore and because of covid there is a benchmark anyway, where my grade can’t drop below a 2:2, so basically i’m good as long as i don’t recieve a fail grade on anything. But that being said it’s still really hard to get things done anyway despite this? especially with depression and concentration issues, because uni in general just makes me really unhappy and disrupts my entire life, and i’d rather do literally anything else.

I can’t function whenever thinking about school in general. If im stressed about something i can’t think about anything else and it ends up seeping into other things im doing.

I have a really clear idea of what i want for the next step in my life and university is the only route available to get to so that’s why i’m still going through all of this when i could technically just ‘stop’. I’ve explored other ideas already and it appears even more stressful and complicated to make a huge change now. Even though i know 3rd year will be harder (which is also a source of stress, anxiety over what’s to come when im already struggling...).

I've been talking to my uni the whole time and while they've been understanding and accommodating (psychology department...like...they Know lol), there's only so much they can do to help me. Everyone i’ve spoken to is genuienly amazed i am where i am, but imo my resilience is bourne out of pure spite not to let my life fall apart along with myself LMAO. I have one assignment deadline left which is tomorrow. It’s the hardest one yet, i haven’t started and i’m filled with dread, and i’m so burned out i have no idea how i’m going to get it done.

To give some context about the whole ‘i can’t help myself when i’m under stress’ thing: I’m a really feminine girl. I have health and beauty routines that i like to stick to, but i can’t stick to them right now so i don’t feel like myself. There is nothing more to my life than stress and depression. I’m pretty sure i experienced dissociation for a few days last week. It was like i didn’t exist.

Just so happens that when i thought i could finally have a break from the extreme stress there are exams coming up on the 11th, which my uni has for some reason decided to make harder!?!? And i need to tell you that because it’s been bugging me ever since i recieved the email. They've completely changed the exams from being 1 hour long multiple choice tests (multiple choice is so easy smh) to basically a group of short answer questions we have 24 hours (each!) to write and submit and it’s seeming like i’ve got another 5 assignments to do after already writing 7 in the past month. It’s open book while the January exams were closed but it still seems to me like the students who didn’t defer (who did the exams back in January) got an unfair advantage over those of us taking them now due to our own circumstances. So I’m confused and upset about that, and about the thought that i probably won’t even get a break before 3rd year begins.

My living situation doesn’t make it better. It’s a really negative and emotionally draining space for me to be in. Just adding to my being drawn to negativity, and my own sensitivity. And covid has made everything that much more complicated, with everything changing and being closed etc. I’m completely alone btw, there is no one i can lean on.

As for the 100, that’s really tricky. I actually stopped “watching” it last year and now mostly consume it through fandom tumblr. I'm just not in the right headspace to sit alone and watch such a heavy show (clearly LMAO). But I’m so comfortable in this circle of fandom & love my mutuals, so i stay. I am actually liking a lot about the final season, like they’re delivering everything i wanted them to lol, but it’s so flawed and easy to complain about when you have a predisposition to be a Negative Nancy all the time so here we are.

I think i don’t really talk so extensively about shows I really love because i feel like i don’t have anything substancial to say about them besides ‘i love it’? Like i just sit there and happily watch and the farthest i go is commenting gibberish love confessions in the tags of a gifset i reblog. So most of my posts end up being me being petty or something. I do want to focus more on shows i love but like i said...it’s so hard for me sometimes to be all-positive and pretend i’m not completely crushed?

I really just want to not be so stressed and exhausted all the time. I want to do something besides worry about and/or do work. I’d love to clean my space & take a shower & read a book without a nagging anxiety in the back of my head. But i have to wait it out, and then wait it out, and continue waiting it out because it feels like things are going to be this way forever or get even worse.

I’ve had a lot of good luck lately though, and i don’t know what your beliefs are but i think someone is watching over me.

[margot-stanley]

                               INTRODUCING MARGOT STANLEY

[BEANIE FELDSTEIN, F, SHE/HER] who’s that? oh it’s {MARGOT STANLEY}. i hear they’re {17} and a {JUNIOR} at {CRAWFORD COUNTRY DAY}, have a voice like {SHOSHANA BEAN} and are part of {THE CANARIES}. they’re known to be {+AMBITIOUS, +TALENTED} and {-SELFISH, -JUDGMENTAL}. some people say they remind them of {a strict schedule, a loud mouth, show tunes and power ballads, never letting them see you cry, and always speaking your mind}. only one way to find out! [ria, 26, pst...smh]

BASICS

Full Name: Margot Marie Stanley

Nickname: N/A

Birthday: September 16

Age: 17

Zodiac Sign: Virgo

Hometown: Westerville, OH

Sexuality: Heterosexual

Grade: 11th

School: Crawford Country Day

Occupation / Activities: Student / The Canaries

LIKES/DISLIKES

LIKES: being the best, strict schedules, accomplishing a goal, working smart, sutton foster, musical theater, opportunities to showcase her talent, people magazine’s ‘sexiest man alive,’ attention, praise, romance, tea (the drinking kind), 

DISLIKES: rejection, being undermined, sports, high school, body shaming, social hierarchies

TL;DR BIO

Margot Marie Stanley is the daughter of notorious choreographer Dakota Stanley and suburban local Monica Lerner-Stanley. While her parents are technically still married, their marriage is...non-traditional to say the least. Dakota resides in Los Angeles where he takes many male lovers while Monica remains in Westerville, taking care of Margot and engaging in affairs of her own. It’s an arrangement that works for them, even though Margot hates it. Margot has a one track mind and her sole goal is to finish high school and book a one-way ticket to the big apple where she will pursue her Broadway dreams with a vengeance. In the meantime, she will continue bulldozing her way through community theater productions and trying to take over the Canaries so that maybe they can actually win for once.

FULL BIO

Margot Marie Stanley is the daughter of notorious choreographer Dakota Stanley and suburban local Monica Lerner-Stanley. Monica was the definition of someone who peaked in high school. In her hay day, she was popular, she was beautiful, and boy could she dance. After high school, she went to college for dance where she met Dakota while he was teaching a seminar. They had a whirlwind romance but ultimately, they went their separate ways. Years later, by chance, Dakota was back in Ohio for a dance competition and they reconnected. At this point, Monica was a hasbeen. Still beautiful and still a joy to be around, but her life hadn’t amounted into much at all. She was working as an administrative assistant at Howell Dentistry by day and a Breadstix waitress by night. But something about her charmed Dakota and now that he was older, he was ready to settle down.

Monica and Dakota got married and shortly after gave birth to their first and only child—Margot. Monica’s parents were always skeptical of the marriage and relationship because...well...anyone with eyes could see that Dakota was clearly gay. Monica, desperate to be loved and to have a family of her own, had overlooked the obvious signs and had chosen to be with the only man who had ever promised her commitment. Overtime though, the truth came to light and the couple was faced with an important decision: divorce or...stay together. It was the 21st century and weirder things had definitely happened. So, choosing the non-traditional route, Monica and Dakota decided to stay legally married for Margot’s sake (and for tax-purposes), but they opened their relationship.

Dakota moved to Los Angeles where the dance industry was booming and kept a long list of young, up-and-coming gay men as company. He called them his “business partners,” but Margot knew a sugar baby when she saw one. Monica, on the other hand, kept her affairs more low-key. She stuck to online dating and never saw the same man twice, but the revolving door of lovers that came through their house did build a little bit of resentment in Margot.

When it came to her parents, especially her mother, Margot often felt like the adult. Her mom was a mess and her dad was emotionally awol, so it was always up to her to pick up the pieces when things got complicated. Sometimes she wished they would just get a divorce so she wouldn’t have to dodge questions about them and make excuses for why her dad was in LA while she and her mother were in Westerville, OH. She wished they would just get a divorce so both of them could get a shot at genuine happiness.

Dakota and Monica didn’t see it that way though. Sure, their marriage was void of love, but they got to share the one thing that mattered to both of them the most: Margot. Even though they were separated, both Dakota and Monica considered Margot to be their greatest creation. Dakota poured money and resources into his daughter, enrolling her in dance, singing and acting lessons from an early age. Dakota Stanley made stars and winners and he’d be damned if his daughter wasn’t one of them. Monica, on the other hand, saw her daughter as a best friend. They were a team and no matter what happened, she believed they would be okay as long as they had each other.

Despite being a longtime choreographer for Vocal Adrenaline, Dakota Stanley would’ve rather died than send his own child to a public school. Monica never would’ve been able to afford tuition for Crawford Country Day on her own, but with Dakota’s money, it was possible and then some. On top of all the workload that came with attending one of the top high schools in Ohio, Margot’s schedule was packed with lessons that took place outside of school. She worked with top choreographers and highly sought after vocal and acting coaches, all with the intent to train her for her destiny—Broadway. Ever since she was a little girl, her father instilled in her the desire to be a star. When she got a little older and it became obvious that she had talent, Dakota poured a hefty portion of his expendable income into resources for his child. Monica, having shared some of those dreams when she was younger, supported Margot fully...although she feared her daughter would one day be disappointed.

Margot didn’t share her mother’s fears. Sure, she appreciated the concern, but she was going to be a star. It was as true as the grass was green and the sky was blue. She had worked hard for it her entire life and all that effort wouldn’t be for nothing. It couldn’t be. Up until Margot was about thirteen, she moved through the world confidently and with an unmatched certainty about her future. It wasn’t until her audition for Young Cosette in a Lima Player’s production of Les Miserables in the eighth grade that she got her first taste of rejection. Bryan Ryan, an unforgiving community theater director, had not been shy or kind when he told her that she didn’t look like a star and then promptly handed the role over to Kenna Giardi.

The comment and subsequent loss cut Margot like a knife. Luckily, she was strong and she still believed in herself. She didn’t need some washed-up, wannabe theater legend telling her what she looked like or what she could be. However...the further she got from that incident and the less she snagged lead roles...the more she feared that he’d been right. The theater community was small in Ohio and she quickly learned who the power players were. Because of this, it wasn’t lost on her that she didn’t look like Kenna or Gigi Stone or Ivy St. James. But she could sing circles around them all and she was a better actress by a landslide...at least in her eyes.

Each time Margot didn’t get a role she wanted, she became a little harder and more jaded. She just had to get through high school. Maybe her small town in Ohio couldn’t see her for the star she was, but New York would. People that mattered would, and as far as she was concerned? No one in Ohio mattered, especially not the girls she was in constant competition with. Margot’s superior attitude didn’t aid in her making friends, but who needed friends? Certainly not her. So Margot kept to herself. She auditioned and participated in the Lima Players productions as they came, she went to her lessons, and she did what she could do make sure she was a featured soloist for the Canaries. She was outspoken and bold and never shied away from giving her unsolicited opinions because as far as she was concerned, she knew best. If only the Canaries would just listen to her...then maybe they’d have an actual shot at earning a nationals title.

[queen0fm0nsterz]

For the ship thing: all combinations between the main five from woy !!

OMG UAGAGAGKASIDSFSKUGHS WHY DIDN’T I ANSWER TO THIS BEFORE!?!?! OMG JHGJESG THANK U SO MUCH ANON THIS QUESTION SAVED MY LIFE????

Disclaimer: I’m a HUGE multishipper and I’m interested in all the ships I’m about to list. However I do have my preferences, so I’m going in order from my least favorite to my absolute fave. Don’t get upset, for this is only my opinion. Ty!!

LETS GO MAD LADS LETS GO!!!!

Bonus 11th ship: I’m really into Something The So and So x Emperor Awesome. I called it Something Awesome. Just putting this.. out there

10) Deathstar (Wander x Dom)

Ah, my two hyperactive spoons. Usually I’m all about the “perfect angel/literal spawn of satan” dynamic, but for some reason they never really clicked for me. Maybe it’s because they didn’t have that many interactions in canon??? But damn, the fanarts are super adorable!! i will die!! (death star shippers yall wanna come in my askbox and talk death star to me?? i would appreciate sm!!)

9) Wandering Eye (Wander x Peepers)

First of all I wanna say, y’all Wandering Eye shippers are perseverant af?? they had like one episode together and it was early first season, it’s been a lot since that. i respect you guys. As for the ship itself, what can I say? I love small boys being in love!!! But once again, nearly no canon interaction... smh

8) Astigmagmatism (Peepers x Dom)

THIS SHIP HAS SO MUCH COMIC POTENTIAL!!! I WILL SCREAM FOREVER I mean the angry smol and bastard tol dynamic?? PLUS theyre both villains???? as in evil fucks??? Who are also rivals?? If there were any canon interactions this ship would DEF be really high on my list but I don’t really have that much to say rn...

7) Zboneak (Hater x Sylvia)

Alright at first I wasn’t really into it but I got my filthy hands on one (1) fanfic and you can bet your ass I was immediatly captivated. The thing I look for in Woy ships is comic potential and these two have SO MUCH POTENTIAL. Plus, “The Date” is one of my favorite episodes ever, so yeah. add that to the list. Let them interact in season 3!!!

6) Death Glare (Peepers x Hater)

I TAGGED THE NO HOMO BECAUSE IM 100% THAT HATER WOULD SAY IT TO PEEPERS AFTER ACCIDENTALLY KISSING HIM IM SO SORRY

Ok so, Death Glare. At first, until late first season, I wasn’t into it at all. I’ve never been a big fan of boss/subordinate (saving a few exceptions). The episode “The Funk” made me do a complete 180° becAUSE HOLY SHIT DID YOU SEE THEM??? HOLDING HANDS???????? BRUH MY FUCKING HEART HAS BEEN D E S TR O Y E D...................... And while I do love them as a friendship, I can totally see them romantically!!!! also once again the comic potential

5) Sylander (Sylvia x Wander)

THESE TWO WHERE DO I EVEN START. I literally tear up when I think about them? Platonic or not, their love is so pure, innocent, real, it makes my heart do backflips. You have no idea how many times I cried watching them. When they’re together you can’t tell where one begins and the other finishes .... but the reason why I’m so attached to them is because I happen to have a person in my life that... she’s the Sylvia to my Wander (hey @awesome---disaster talkin to you).  I understand how it feels to have someone this important in your life. The episode “The Ryder” is particularly hard to wacth (despite it being my number one favorite) for this reason. GOD THE TEARS I CRIED.

4) Sylava (Sylvia x Dom)

What can I say? I stan girls being in love. Plus the CHEMISTRY they had in “The Night Out” omg.... I JUST FDSHFHLGLHSLLIHSBLIHSLI MY HEART EXPLODES WHEN I THINK ABOUT THEM???? I CRY  THEY WERE F U CK I NG HOLDING HANDS WHILE RUNNING OUT OF THAT BAR OK DO NOT TOUCH ME. when are we getting the good season 3 sylava content when they make up and become friends again? disney pls

Also, y’all got some good Sylava fics that I could read? Blease?? im starving

3) Skeleton Dance (Wander x Hater)

IS THERE EVEN SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T LOOK AT THIS SHOW FROR LIKE 5 SECONDS AND D O E S N T SHIP THEM???? ITS IMPHASBLE

iM TALKING VALID BOYS HERE!!! The sweet smol/ grumpy tol is my aestethic always and Im all about it. Plus, I mean the dEVELO P MENT THEY HAD IN SEASON TWO!!! The episode that got me to ship them strongly was “The Buddies” and God my love kept growing from there????? ITS UNSTOPPABLE EVERYTIME I SEE THEM MY HEART KILLS ME

 Ok I will admit im kinda projecting on Wander a little bc I love Hater but can u blame?? me?? who doesnt love the hate man

2) Dom n Hater (Hater x Dom)

Ok if youve been on my blog for like 1 minute you probably already know that these two are the light of my life, but why?

... well tbh there are a lot of reasons but to be quick it was a gradual process of me going from “Yeah right like THATS ever gonna happen” to slowly going on to “I mean its not even that bad” to “It’s cute? I like it” and then it fucking skyrocketed out of my control and suddently I’m crying like a little bitch during “You’re the Greatest”. I do not know what happened or how. It just did. 

I have an ask of someone asking me about them (BLESS U MAN) that inm going to answer eventually so I’m not going into detail but I WILL SAY that the height difference kills me bc it’s not that much but it’s jUST ENOUGH to make it obvious that hes shorter than her and im just oudfgusguaigGUivfehuhaf i live for height differences

1) Black Eye (Sylvia x Peepers)

AND AT LAST I GET TO TALK ABOUT MY BABIES

I’ll be honest with y’all: I was actually gonna put Black Eye in second place at first bc Hater & Dom just own my hear,t but upon lots of thinking I belive this is the best option. because DEVELOPMENT. God I’m all about that sweet DEVELOPMENT we got!!! Wander and Sylvia may be the perfect friendship but Sylvia and Peepers are sure as hell the PERFECT TEAM!!!!!! BRAINS AND MUSCLES!!! TOGETHER!! TO SAVE THEIR IDIOTS!!

I am a BIG fan of enemies to friends to lovers, height differences, villain/hero, smol/tol, angry/chill...... these two were a gift from the Gods. I love them so much.

On an unrelated but kinda related note, I love how all Blackeye shippers just silently agreed that Peepers is a lovestruck nerd who can’t process his feelings and refuses to acknowledge them despite how hardly he’s pinning after Syl?? AND SYL IS NOT OBLIVIOUS AT ALL SHE ACTUALLY KNOWS???? its amazing. 10/10 best ship thank u for ur time.

And thats that! Wow that sure took long didnt it- but its here.

[eldritchsurveys]

768.

Why did you last feel like crying? >> When I checked my bank account because I was trying to decide whether to get HBO Max or not, and I discovered that my stimulus check is coming on Wednesday. I’m just really relieved, lmao. Had just about resorted to convincing myself that I wasn’t going to get one at all. But now I can get some stuff I need but can’t normally afford!

How long ago and why did you last feel infuriated? >> I don’t remember. It probably had to do with people making noise.

Do emotions control you or do you control your emotions? >> Er. Well, here’s the thing -- on a good day, when I’m not having Symptoms Of Disorders, my emotions can be pretty manageable, or at least my management of them can feel pretty competent and compassionate. On the other days, my emotions can be a fucking game of Minesweeper where all the squares have mines in them. Except one. One square has 100 mines in it. The probability of stepping on that square is like 80%. So.

Do you keep your friends secrets/private information to yourself? >> Well, yes, if that sort of thing was shared with me.

What negative quality do your friends bring up the most? >> I... don’t think I’d like to be friends with people who have a habit of bringing up “negative” things about me.

What quality do you think you have that others don't think you do? >> I don’t know, I haven’t taken a poll or anything.

Do you often "jump" to conclusions? >> I mean, maybe. I don’t know how often I do it but it’s probably the average amount.

Do you find being alone with strangers scary, interesting or indifferent? >> That definitely depends on the context of the situation.

Do you think you know a lot about the world? >> No, because I don’t.

What about the world do you wish you never found out? >> ---

Do you know first aid? >> Not really, mostly because I’ve rarely had an opportunity to practice it.

Does the sight of blood make you feel sick? >> Not as a rule.

Does your first name have an L in it? >> No.

Middle name have a C in it? >> No.

Last name have a R in it? >> No.

Do your initials spell a legitimate word? If so, what? >> No, they don’t. But Sparrow’s spells “SAD” and that’s pretty funny.

The word above, does it have any connection to you at all? >> I mean, she is on antidepressants.

Do you prefer classic rock or nope alternative? >> Nope alternative???? I don’t know if that’s a typo or what but that’s hilarious to me for some reason. Anyway, I listen to both classic rock and alternative.

Do you like Kings of Leon? >> Sure. They’re, like... motel-grunge/motel-rock adjacent. (I can’t be the only person who’s made up that term, for certain kinds of bands. Like Queens of the Stone Age and shit. Sometimes Kings of Leon gives the same vibe, but... cleaner, I guess.)

How about The Script? >> Never heard of them.

Does crying make you feel better? >> Sometimes, but first I have to go through the hell of letting myself cry in the first place.

Do you know a girl called Becca? >> No.

How about a guy called Gregory? >> No. I almost said yes and then I realised I was thinking of Greg Hirsch from Succession. smh

Does someones background effect whether you'll be friends with them or not? >> Their... background? What kind of background are we talking about here?

How about their religious background? >> I mean, I don’t think I could be friends with a fundamentalist evangelical Christian. But most non-fundie versions of religions are okay with me.

If someone admitted cheating in a past relationship of theirs, would you trust them? >> ---

Do you drink tea and/or coffee every day? >> Nope. It’s almost warm weather time, so I won’t be drinking much tea at all until fall, unless it’s iced.

Did you ever want to be a cook as a kid? >> No.

How about a fashion designer? >> Yeah, I used to draw outfits and shit. I still think fashion is a fascinating industry but I want no part of it myself.

Do you wish that magic was real? >> I mean, no, not really. Also, like. I have Inworld. So.

What food would you love to wipe off the face of the earth? >> ---

Can you use a bottle opener? >> Sure.

Do you own a cheese grater? >> Yeah.

What time will it be in 38 minutes time? >> 11.06p EST.

What day/date will it be in 11 days time? >> The 20th of May.

Have you ever owned a pet fish? >> Nope.

Do you prefer fire or ice? >> I have no general preference. They’re both valuable.

Do you rap along with rap songs? >> If I know the lyrics, yeah...

When happy, do you become more talkative? >> Not necessarily. Sometimes I’m happiest in silence.

Bowling or sailing? Why? >> ---

What colour is your kettle? >> Black.

How about your microwave? >> White.

Do you prefer sitting in the front or back of a car? >> It doesn’t matter.

How about in a train? On the bus? >> I have a specific seat I like on the bus. Train, doesn’t matter. (On the subway, I liked sitting in the smallest seats so there’d be less chance of someone sitting next to me. Some of the newer trains have that one-seater that flips up, by the door? Love that seat.

Do you care about politics? >> Fuck no.

Obama or Bush? >> Well, that’s this survey dated.

Blair or Brown? >> ---

When did you last cook something from scratch? >> I don’t remember.

What things make you jealous? >> ---

Are you offended easily by non politically correct language? >> I’m not easily offended, period. Most things I recognise aren’t meant to be taken personally by me, specifically. But obviously I’m leery of the usage of incendiary language -- I’m not going to hang out with someone who throws around racial slurs or mocks people for having feelings about words meant to hurt them, like, duh.

Do you think the censors/fcc go a bit too far or are just right? >> I have no opinion about this, especially not a generalised one.

Do you feel hungry, thirsty, sleepy or none of the above? >> I’m getting tired because it’s around my bedtime.

What's your I.Q? >> ---

What's your Mum's Mum called? How about your Dad's Dad? >> ---

Do you prefer crepes, pancakes or waffles? >> Waffles.

Do you have ice-cream in your fridge right now? >> I think Sparrow still has some in there. Oh, and I still have a few mochi ice cream balls.

How about chicken nuggets? >> No, just fried chicken.

Do you eat fish often? >> Not as often as I’d like.

Have you ever taken a martial art? Which one{s}? >> No.

Do you know anyone who is scared of you? >> I don’t know if anyone’s afraid of me. If someone is, I bet they’re not going to go around telling me about it.

What person who has died would you bring back and why? >> ---

Do you like watermelon? >> Eh. I don’t get the hype.

Can you remember the month of your first kiss? >> ---

Do you make friends easily? >> No.

What makes you different from everyone else? >> Nothing, dude. I mean, I obviously have differences from people I know, or people I might encounter, but not from literally every human on earth.

I give you a piece of paper. What do you draw/write on it? >> ...

What pictures or photos are up in your lounge? >> My what.

Do you like purple and white patterned things? >> Not especially.

Do you know anyone called Pipa? >> No.

I say purple, you think... >> Sparrow, because I think she’d paint the whole world purple if given half a chance.

What do you think is the most interesting thing about you? >> Just, you know. My existence.

Do you like being complimented or does it make you uncomfortable? >> It can make me uncomfortable because of brain shit, but I also appreciate it and will try to express appreciation instead of discomfort.

Does the description of your starsign correspond with your personality? >> No, because the language of astrology as used to describe a person is more complex than just wherever the Sun was when you were born.

Do you have a photo album? >> No.

What artists paintings do you find the most beautiful? >> *shrug*

What about the most disturbing? >> *shrug*

Have you ever gone to a camp or summer school? >> No. I did summer theater once and I’ve gone to day camps.

What was your favourite cartoon as a child? >> Johnny Bravo is the only cartoon I remember watching, tbh. I didn’t get to see a lot of television unless it was the boring ass shit (to a child, anyway) my dad watched.

What was your biggest fear as a child? >> Thunderstorms. Until I hit thirteen and then suddenly I just... wasn’t afraid of them anymore. Don’t ask me how it happened, I really don’t know. (It might have been more gradual than that, of course. Memory is unreliable, especially from that far back.)

Would you rather be able to fly or breathe underwater? >> Breathe underwater. So, you know, I could actually not almost drown for once.

What about invisibility or mindreading? >> Invisibility. I want nothing to do with other people’s minds.

Do you like what you see in the mirror? >> No, which is why I don’t look in the mirror unless it’s necessary.

Which stereotype do you dislike the most? >> All of them??? Stereotypes in general?

Can you remember all your past teachers names? >> I can remember more than I’d expect to remember, but definitely not all of them.

Do you like talent shows? Which ones? >> No.

Have you ever failed an important exam? In what? >> Yeah, I failed the English midterm and final in 11th grade -- well, I say “failed” but it’s more like “I got a zero because I literally turned in a blank sheet of paper”. I... was definitely struggling.

Do you find people taller than you intimidating? >> No.

Do you think you are better than people of a different country/background? >> Fuck no???

What's your favourite thing about your country? >> Dude.

What's your least favourite thing about your country? >> Sigh.

Who is your favourite bzoinker? >> I don’t have a favourite, I just use bzoink to find surveys.

What websites do you have bookmarked? >> I have a lot of websites bookmarked.

Do you use bows and ribbons to decorate your gifts? >> No. Well, I’ll stick a bow on a Christmas gift because why not, but outside of Christmas I don’t even wrap gifts. I might put it in a bag but that’s it.

Do you listen to the same type of music as your parents? What type is that? >> I grew up listening to soul and R&B and gospel, so yes, that’s all still part of me.

What TV show scared you as a kid? >> None.

Family Guy, The Simpsons or South Park? Why? >> Hmm. Well, I don’t really know anything about The Simpsons, but I’d probably like it better than Family Guy, and South Park is so hit-or-miss (with a lot of misses) for me that I can’t really deal with it anymore.

[snarkytiara]

People say Kate and William are lazy but so 👏 is 👏 Harry 👏. In the Jan-July BRF workload chart, he's 11th out of 16 and what exactly is his excuse? Planning a wedding? Lbr Meg probably had a bigger part in the planning than he did and when you're royal™, you won't be doing everything yourself. The only reason he gets away with doing so little is because people are misogynistic af, hate William and Kate, or are so far up his ass. Smh. Meg come thru with the work ethic gurl! Lezzgoooooo

Really? Where can we see this workload chart? Admittedly, I don’t keep track of which royal does the most. How does pre-Meghan Harry compare to now? In their engagement interview they did state they would be putting a lot of focus on their relationship going forward, and Harry probably has spent a lot of time behind closed doors helping Meghan adjust/bringing her up to speed. We don’t see that and it doesn’t count in the tally. But it probably doest take away some from doing other (public) engagements. 

[princerezashabazz]

A Post to my Best Friend 🍉 March 11th 2018

Its 5:35AM. I’ve just finished my last prayers, and once again, it was encompassed by the thought of you. 

Loving you was easy. Taking care of you was my favorite past time.  Having deep conversations with you was my favorite thing to do in the whole world.  I thank my God every day that I was able to have you in my experience.  I’ve written you letters where I’ve expressed my immense gratitude for you.  I know I mention God a lot, I hope that’s ok. He has been the only one that has been there for me during this dark phase in my life.   This is about to be another sappy sweetboii blog post smh.

Somewhere along the way, I lost that.  I forgot to be grateful for you and the things you’ve taught me, the love you’ve given me, the support you showed me.  You were going through a lot of emotional and mental pain, and you needed more time than I could give.  You needed more support that I could show, and during the time you needed me the most, you felt like I abandoned you.  I felt like I was emotionally drowning; I thought in  my world of positivity, how can I somehow help you be happy and whole again?  I’ve tried. But it didn’t occur to me that the only thing you’ve ever needed was the thing I didn’t have enough of: time. 

You never asked for much.  And that made me want to give you the whole world.  But you didn’t want the world, you just wanted me; the full, unequivocal, loving, caring me.  As time went on, I felt like our space and energy was always off.  I couldn’t make you happy by just hugging you like I used to; I couldn’t make you feel better by just speaking to you about positive things.  My patience wore thin, and I asked you to find yourself so that we can thrive and be together.  It was a tall order to ask of you.  After all, you were in a place of mind where it was dark and all you wanted was my support. I cant imagine being sad and unable to explain why.  It must have been so hard on you. 

The truth is, I didn’t know how to do that.  I had no idea how to balance everything and also make you happy.  Before, I was able to make you happy with just a phone call, a hug, or even a text.  I was lost.  There were times at night where I would ask God for guidance on how I can make you better, but the truth is, I knew deep inside I needed someone else’s help.. I needed your help.  I needed your help to help you feel better.  Over time, our space and energy became more negative and it became toxic.  So, we broke up. 

In my eyes, splitting up with you meant that I could still be there for you without the commitment of making you happy because I know that that is something you’d have to cultivate on your own.  In hindsight, I should’ve let you go completely and not strung you along.  I was afraid to see you with someone else, because I was convinced that you were the one I wanted to be with.  I thought, “God blessed me with such a wonderful individual, maybe right now we aren’t compatible individually anymore, but I’ll give it time and she will figure it out.”

And that’s what happened.. You’re on your way to figuring it out.  When you came to Malaysia with me, I remember waking up one morning and you were helping my mom in the kitchen.  I stared at the both of you, smiling, and thinking to myself, “wow, two of the most important women in my life are in my peaceful country with me.”  And for the first time in a while,  we’ve been fighting quite a bit before this but at that moment, I felt at peace with everything in my life.    

I made mistakes.  There was a girl who I had to talk to during our break up, and even though I can’t take it back, I hope you understand there was more to me than this.  I hope you can forgive me one day for not being truthful.  If there was anything I regret, it was me not being honest.

I didn’t get back with you after our Malaysia trip because I realized that things hadn’t changed.. you were still going through quite a few phases in your life and I knew that being in your life would only hinder you from finding true happiness.  So, in my eyes, I was preserving our relationship for the long term.. because if we had gotten back together at that time, we would have just broken up again. I had the upmost confidence that you will work to find yourself.. and I thought to myself, as soon as you do, then you’d be available for me to love fully.  

Towards the end of 2017, I realized that you were doing things that made YOU happy.  You were out with friends, you traveled a bit more.  You were  doing things that helped you and only you.  I was so proud of you.  It was ironic that in order for you to do this, I had to step back.  I was happy to see you happy.  I could see in our text messages that you were being distant.. I’d ask you to come over and you’d be dismissive.  I’d tell you I miss you and you’d ignore them. The signs were there.  

So, you lost feelings for me.  I drifted apart too much.  I prayed God for two things: 1. To make sure you’re happy; 2. To help put the right people around me.  Well, he answered both those prayers for me. 

On the night of February 7th, we held each other one last time.  We kissed each other, we hugged each other, and we thanked each other.  You told me you needed space to figure it out.  We even told each other that we loved each other.  So it hurt me immensely to find out you actually already had someone else at that time. :/

Your self happiness and self love was the most important thing in the world to me.  But such is the paradox of life, in order for you to find that, I had to take a step back.  You might be thinking to yourself, “well Reza, you shouldn’t be talking to other girls if you really loved me.”  And you’re right.  But I know where my heart is truly at, and it was you.  But I know that it may be hard for you to believe.

I’ve always preached to you about acceptance and gratitude.  I’ve accepted everything that has happened.  I am appreciative of our memories.  Only God knows where we both will end up.  But I hope one day you’ll forgive me for being unable to cater to you during your time of emotional need.  All in all, you were my favorite.  I’m sorry things didn’t work out.  

I hope he treats you well, better than I could’ve.  I hope your family loves him just like I hoped they would love me.  I pray that he makes you a better person just like you did for me.  Most importantly, I hope he understands you and is always appreciative of you.  It took me a while to understand that love is not about possession, its about appreciation.  So for now, you are unavailable for me to love, so I’ll love you from a far – maybe not in a romantic way; but in a way that I’d love something that has passed away.  And I’ll hold on to the memories that we cultivated, at least I can still appreciate those moments.

Please never give up on your dreams.  Never ever give up.  I know those dreams you have may seem impossible, but as you understand that there is nothing in this world you can’t do, please never give up.  You made it through 100% of the bad days you’ve had, so don’t ever let anything get you down.  Don’t give up on pharmacy school.  If you truly want it, I know you can have it.  If pharmacy school is no longer a desire for you, that’s ok.  Whatever it is you want to be, please understand that you have the ability to do it.. You just have to believe it first. That’s all I’d like to say. 

I know a lot of what was said was written in the 23423423 letters I wrote you.  My apologies for being redundant.   Maybe you’ll read this post, maybe you won’t.  But in either case, it has helped me tremendously.

Take care. 

[tammys85]

Surveyyyy.

I found a survey I wanna do before I get started on this writing order I stole. I wanna put it under a “read more” link instead of spamming up the place.

Yesterday What time did you wake up?: Idk.

Where were you sleeping at?: Home.

What was for breakfast?: I rarely eat breakfast.

What did you wear?: NKOTB Total Package Tour 2017 t-shirt and jeans.

Did you go to school?: Lol, no. I’m not in school anymore.

Did you go to work?: I worked on my writing orders when I got home (I work from home).

What was for lunch?: I was out and about so I didn’t have lunch.

What was for dinner?: Chili’s. I had chicken tenders, onion rings and cheese bites.

Where else did you go?: Antique Depot; Starbucks.

What did you do there?: Browsed; ordered my free drink (hot chocolate).

Who did you talk to?: All day? A bunch of people.

Who did you hang out with?: My Mom, sister and unofficial brother-in-law.

Who did you text?: My sister and niece.

Who did you call?: Nobody.

Anything else about yesterday?: I watched Blue Bloods later that night.

Today What time did you wake up?: Look, I slept in, okay lol?

Where’d you wake up at?: Home.

What’s for breakfast?: ----

School today?: Noooo.

How about work?: Actually, yes, as I have an order to do.

What’s for lunch?: A few pizza bites and tater tots.

Dinner?: Chicken, corn and seasoned baked potatoes.

Who did you talk to today?: The usual.

Who’d you text?: My friend.

Who’d you call?: Nobody. I don’t really like making phone calls.

Anywhere else you’re going?: Else? I didn’t go anywhere to begin with lol.

What are you doing there?: ----

What did you wear today?: NKOTB 2017 Cruise t-shirt and jeggings. I just got these NKOTB shirts yesterday and today, so lol.

Anything else about today?: Ummm, nothing. I’m just tired is all.

Tomorrow What time are you waking up?: It’s Sunday.... I have no idea.

Where will you be waking up?: Here at home.

What are you going to eat for breakfast?: Idk, if anything.

What are you going to wear?: Idk yet.

Are you going to school?: ----

Are you going to work?: Idk, probably not but it depends what’s on the job boards.

What are you going to eat for lunch?: I don’t have this planned lol.

What are you going to eat for dinner?: Idk.

Where else are you going?: Probably nowhere. I’m budgeting, went out Thurs. and Fri. and it’s gonna be cold as shit,

Who will you talk to?: Probably the usual.

Who will you text?: Idk.

Who will you call?: Nobody.

Who will you hang out with?: My family here at home.

Anything else about tomorrow?: Nah.

In conclusion… What day of the week was yesterday?: Friday.

Today?: Saturday.

Tomorrow?: Sunday.

What was the date yesterday?: Jan. 12th.

Today?: Jan. 13th.

Tomorrow?: Jan. 14th.  Are you okay? Do you need a calendar?

Which of the three days do you think will be the best?: Friday; Jan. 12th.

Why?: It was payday, I went out and I watched Donnie Wahlberg on Blue Bloods. :)

Which one do you talk to more people?: How about DID? This made my brain hurt lol. And Idk, probably yesterday.

Call more people?: I won’t make a phone call unless it’s either my Mother or sisters, or I have to.

Text more people?: Hmmm, Idk.

What’s your name?: Tammy.

Age?: 33. My birthday was Thursday, Jan. 11th haha.

Gender?: Female.

Grade? (if in school): I’m not in school. Okay, welp, those last few questions, smh lol. Byeeeeeee. :)

[crashintodash901]

Rare jewel

Rare jewel Rare jewel Rare jewel I have damaged being stupid ignorant knowing that I only loved you that night you asked me what did love mean to me knew what I wanted to say but I left and found out what love really mean Rare jewel we first met it our 11th grade year you was in my chemistry class and in my head I knew I really liked you so I decided to try and talk to you by being lab partner and I left because I was scared but since that day forward we walked past each other in the hallway speaking like every day on towards the end of senior year you made a dent in my heart from that day forward not knowing will I ever get to see you again was until that day on Facebook I messaged you and then the next thing I know we talked for like a month and then it was like November or towards December when you asked me to go to the mall with you I thought you where playing and then next thing Ikno you pulled up at my house I was thought I was dreaming smh we went to the mall and I enjoyed that day with you even though I ended up wondering off lol but and then next we went to this ice cream place you loved and sat and talked sitting there and getting lost in your beautiful smile and sense of humor I knew I had actually fell in love with you from that day forward we talked like every single day you use to get upset when I called you buddy i didn't kno it made you mad lol so I stopped then you invited me to your birthday dinner and I was late as usual I saw you In that pink dress looking so beautiful I was like wow you are so beautiful that what was going on in my head lol but then we actually went out on a date to the movies and watched that singing movie lol and after the movie you realized you left your keys in the car we sat outside the theatre talking and laughing waiting on your sister and then afterwards we went to McDonald's where you locked me out of the car cause I was trying to prove a point about the real rocks on a garbage can lol from that day forward I knew I had found my self a Rare Jewel I came up to visit you when you was in college I had enjoyed every visit showing me around up there having fun trying new things you showed me a lot being together only 6 months I knew I fell in love lol I remember the first time I told you I love you it was threw a text you didn't wanna hear it that way lol so I practice saying it before you came home on you summer break lol and when you did you finally got to hear it face to face it was loving and amazing we had so many beautiful times together traveling as a couple to Knoxville all within our first year of being together our second year was great as well we went on tones of dates and going swimming at the casino it was funny cause I was trying to teach how to swim that didn't go so well lol we still had fun even though you called me your fish cause I liked swimming we hit a rough patch that year but we overcame it you helped me out in so many ways and you was always there for me even though you was 6 hrs away I adored you so very much our third year together we had a blast you took me to my very first concert to see my favorite Artist J.Cole lol I held you in my arms the entire Night smiling from ear to ear I heart growing bigger and bigger with you inside. Then I was left for the holidays you and your family opened up the doors for me to celebrate thanksgiving with you all that year I just wanted to break down and cry I knew I wanted to be with you forever enjoyed that year together with you helping me fix stuff like with your car and your moms car and your sister car changing the light bulbs and stuff and enjoying washing our cars together then that following year I remember when I came to stay with you at the house you was watching before you left for Italy we had a blast from cooking our on dinner to just going out traveling Knox and going to the gun range then we had a fall out that night before I left the next day we sleeper without you being in my arms it devastating knowing I just shouldn't have been so stubborn smh Idk why but once again we got over that and then you left for Italy I messed you for a whole week couldn't wait to make up to you but the holidays came around again it was another blessed year again having fun eating good you been there for three all of my downs and even when nobody else was you where the best thing ever in my life you saw me threw success and my down falls knowing the only reason you pushed me so hard cause you saw something in me no one else could see it that was a successful man when you broke up with me that night I I didn't show up to the dinner you cooked for me for my bday I didn't mean to hurt you or stand you up you right I did make excuses and my heart was telling me to come to you but I didn't come threw like I was suppose to we went two weeks without talking and then when we finally did I thought you didn't want both to do with me anymore you where enjoying yourself and I was the one hurting on the inside just being stubborn and ignorant again so we eventually made up and you came over to my apartment and I cooked you dinner lol but my biscuits wasn't done all the way lol it was fun and I saw that beautiful smile again and not seeing you cry made me happy we cooked almost every other night when we had Tim from cooking breakfast lol 9 pm at night to making our own pizzas lol jumping to 2016 you took me out of Memphis again on a plane to the big apple I was scared I admitted but i had a blast in you told me it would be ok I got lose and started enjoying being in the sky we landed in New York we had a blast walking around enjoying the city even when I ripped my pants trying to climb a rock with you i was still happy and seeing you smile and being happy I knew I wanted you in my life forever once again we had blast when we was there and seeing that beautiful sight looking over New York from the top of the Empire State Building was beautiful having that experience with you we got back to Memphis i just wanted to go back and stay with you lol thanksgiving came around again we had a blast eating good good food and you making your good stuffed pasta shells I so dearly loved lol and I made you that poke cake lol for you you enjoyed it then your bday dinner you was looking so beautiful you took my breath away seeing us grow from being 19 to 23 and in love was amazing and a blessing then for our anniversary I wanted to do something special and different like make a reservation at a restaurant lol we showed up like 20 mins late and waited like 30 mins lol it was worth the wait you where happy and so was I smh I only still was thinking about you being with me forever then we had a slight disagreement on and we we broke up a day before valentines I was sad once again then we talked like a few days later and I knew I wanted you back but it started off kind of distance we went to see fifty shades darker it was a good movie then you finally started back opening up then that Monday Idk what I was thinking saying I wasn't ready when I knew I was ready just scared I don't kno why so I stopped being stubborn cause I knew I didn't wanna lose my queen we did start acting kinda of different like we really wasn't never thinking of us as a couple just the stuff we wanted to accomplish in life and then like march it hurt me saying that you felt unappreciated kinda of and I didn't understand how and we didn't really hardly talk any so we tried fixing the problem talking about it we April was getting good I expressed like wanting to actually getting a placed together and stuff and how you make me feel I really wanted that but we had a disagreement and that changed my vision but not the way I love you and I idolized you for everything you have done for me I was just to ignorant to fix one thing and knowing I should have never did it my first bday spent with you was a blast we party Friday and Saturday seeing you happy was a great bday at that even though the surprise bday didn't happen I still was with my queen two weeks went by less then 72 hrs ago we was happy may 20th, 2017 will never leave my mind or heart we where enjoying each other and was planning what we was going to do on Sunday after we finished next thing it went from a smile to anger cause of me and knowing I messed up a beautiful queen my Rare jewel you where furious with me and hit me pushed me because you where heart broken cause I broke a promise on something I vowed to never do again and I broke that but I am sorry and some ways it felt like the words you said to me made me realize that I am not the person for you my queen I am sorry but you deserve better and I know nothing for me will ever be the same and I am sorry if I could go back 5 years ago to start over I would actually do that because you where the best thing that ever happened to me then beside being born on this god green earth but I hope you can find that person who actually appreciate you and do better then even though it hurts me to say this my Rare jewel you made an imprint and my heart no one will never be able to do ever again in my life