#I SWEAR I THOUGHT IT WAS THE 11TH

[seaweedstarshine]

Sources: Nightmare in Silver (+ TV Tropes haha •ᴗ•), Night Terrors, Flesh and Stone, The Day of the Doctor Novelization, The Day of the Doctor, Amy's Choice, The Crimson Horror Novelization, The Doctor's Wife

[ibyul]

Thinking abt my teenage years .

[harmoonix]

𝕎𝕚𝕝𝕕

(Astrology Observations)

~ I wanna get wild with you

Loca contigo hoy ~

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🐯 - Taurus Risings/Sun/Moon, these natives have it good when it comes to spending their own monies, they'll always spend it on things that make them happy, spoil yourself queen/king!!

🐯 - Libra Placements especially Sun/Moon/Venus/Chiron/Ascendant can fall under the "people pleaser" energy because their literal energy is "to unite people", they need to think at themselves for a bit too

🐯 - Scorpio/Pisces/Libra/Taurus/Capricorn Moons aspecting Pluto have an romantic dark energy, their energy is lovely but when is aspecting Pluto it can transform into "dark romance"

🐯 - Gemini Moons (Moon at 3°. 15° 27°) degrees, these natives have such a sweet voice 🤭, their laughter is infectious!! Always the loudest people in the room

🐯 - You want someone to cheer you up when you feel bad? Search for a Sagittarius Mercury, I swear they gonna cheer you up with their good humour too, crying and laughing in the same time 😭

🐯 - Aries/Cancer and Virgo Moons can get quite defensive when they're in a conflict, and is that they won't pick sides and will stay on their own terms. Period

🐯 - Moon in the 9th/12th house, babe I know your path in this world is to be spiritual/to connect with the universe/god but try to enjoy life in the same way as well, don't focus only on these

🐯 - Sun or Moon conjunct/opposite/square Lilith , their rebellious nature can easily get criticized by others that's why you need to be yourself and to know yourself more than everyone, in this way you don't give a shit about their criticism

🐯 - Leo Moons/Venus/Risings, they can be really outgoing when you start to know them better, these natives know how to enjoy life 100%

🐯 - Sun/Leo in your 5th/7th or in 8th house, these natives know how to make sure their partner is taken, they'll talk about their partners to everyone

🐯 - Jupiter square/opposite/conjunct Lilith, can make someone to have a high libido, a high sexual drive, someone attractive yet very sexual

🐯 - Asteroid Vesta (4) can aslo tell about how you want to have your first sex experience (1st time sex)

Vesta in Air Signs > They want to communicate during the first act, to have a good time together, try to communicate with them and let them know e everything is gonna alright

Vesta in Earth Signs > They want to feel safe/secured during the first act, make them feel safe/like at home, they enjoy soft kisses/touch

Vesta in Fire Signs > They want to have full passion, want feel satisfied to 100%,they want to be seduced at the first act, they can act crazy but they're just enjoying it

Vesta in Water Signs > During the first act these natives want to feel close to their partners, emotional and physical, they want to feel attached and loved in the same time during the first act

🐯 - The 9th house not only represents the ancestors but it is all that you are going to receive in your current life because of the actions from your past lives (look for the 9H sign)

🐯 - Uranus in the 7th house can predict an unconventional or unpredictable marriage/spouse/relationship. Someone you thought you wouldn't be in a relationship with!

🐯 - Venus in the 11th house natives can end up dating their friends, friends to lovers or sometimes enemies to lovers kind of thing if Venus is aspecting Pluto or Saturn

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I wanna get wild with you

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🐯 - Lilith harshly aspecting Sun/Moon/Ascendant or Chiron can feel like everyone is judging or criticizing them, this placement can be draining sometimes

🐯 - Moon sextile or trine Pluto gives an intense emotional nature to the native, they can feel things more deep than others. They can be exposed to their feelings around family or partners

🐯 - Sagittarius in your 12H/8H/ or in your 4H can indicate a mix of backgrounds when it comes to ethnicity/nationality/ancestors

🐯 - Jupiter/Sagittarius in the 8th house are lucky when it comes to sex life/money (esp other people's money) and legacy/inheritance

🐯 - Pisces Uranus Generation energy can fight with energy attacks from other people, is like bad people come in your safe space and take your energy, protect yourself!!

🐯 - Saturn at 0 degrees is considered a critical degree in astrology. It symbolizes a point of intense energy and potential. This position marks the beginning of a new cycle, offering opportunities for growth and evolution for native (I feel it 😭)

🐯 - Aries Venus/Lilith/Mars duro duro duro, they take everything as a competition and they want to win 10/10, they're so bold so hot in the same time

🐯 - Mars aspecting Lilith (h12) or (h13) can make men specifically defensive towards you if you reject them or like if you give signs you're not interested, they get mad 🙄 they be acting like we are the last humans on earth ..

🐯 - Libra or Leo ASC in your solar return chart can indicate a lot of focus on yourself that year, nurture yourself to the 100%. There is a possibility to enter in a relationship as well

🐯 - Scorpio Venus / Venus in 8 H everything is fun til they met toxic people, esp toxic partners, those people can ruin you and we don't that in our energy. as my friend says "Never be afraid to hit that block button"

🐯 - Aquarius Sun/Moon/Rising/Venus, what they won't tell you about these is how sacrificial and humanitarian these people are, they love helping and often can sacrifice themselves for others

🐯 - A very heavy Neptune in your chart, can show addiction/dependency go to sort of things in life, these addictions can be from everything

🐯 - Mercury in the 5th / Gemini in the 5H can show multiple talents/being attracted to multiple things at once

🐯 - Heavy Air Elements in your chart can make you attracted to music 🎵 🎶 sounds / your ears and sense of hearing can be highly evolved

🐯 - Pluto aspecting the ascendant/midheaven gives villain arc vibes, like the person can have a bad "reputation" possibly coming from other people hate, but they're generally villainized for nothing

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No lo puedo negar, en mis sueños estás

Este juego me vuelve a atrapar

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🐯 - Juno aspecting Saturn, the native can definitely be looking for someone mature/long relationship (Juno at 10°. 22° too)

🐯 - Neptune conjunct Juno in the birth chart natives, you may feel spiritually and psychically connected to your partner or crave a spiritually connected relationship. You can lose yourself in the pursuit of a marriage or partnership and you may project your ideals and hopes onto a partner and then try to make your dreams and illusions real.

🐯 - Juno in the 12th house or Pisces (12°, 24°) can end up in karmic relationship field, the karma chose the people to teach in this life I guess, sometimes It can turn up for your partner to be an enemy too (enemy to lovers. NOT romanticizing this 😭😭)

🐯 - Cancer or Moon in the 2nd house in someone's birth chart can indicate they love their mom's cooking/food prepared by mom

🐯 - Mars in Sagittarius/ in the 9H (9° 21°) these natives are so cute when they try to talking ew language, especially their accent, 100/10...

🐯 - Venus aspecting Mercury/Sun/Moon natives need to wear jewelery more often like, c'mon a ring here, a necklace there. Your skin shines when you wear necklace babes 💅🏼💅🏼 (tested and approved)

🐯 - Mars aspecting Mercury or those planets in the same house can make the native to talk in a more harsh way than others, they can also talk very fast in the same time

🐯 - When someone has their 9th house sign the same as your sun or moon sign, you can learn a lot things from eachother ex: Y has Scorpio in their 9th house and you're a Scorpio Sun

🐯 - Gemini Venus (Venus at 3°, 15°, 27° degrees), Possibly one of the most social places for Venus, they love flirting at every chance they have, and they're so funny to have around idk their vibe is amazing

Harmoonix 🧡🧡🧡🧡

[gas-station-trackphone]

ftm trans Eddie Munson gets turned into a chew toy for hell bats and rescued in the 11th hour by his friends who don't know he's trans, who have to run some triage first aid and can hardly make sense of the blood and gore that used to be his body as they cut off his shirt and pants to get access to the worst of the wounds, who definitely aren't in their right minds well enough anyway to think of anything other than stopping the bleeding and getting him to a hospital, which they do, and miraculously Eddie finds himself blinking awake in a bright, fluorescent room feeling exactly like he imagines a chew toy for hell bats would feel in the aftermath which is to say: like shit. Even more miraculously, he finds hometown hero Steve Harrington posted up at his bedside with greasy hair (!!! Eddie never thought he'd see the day) and bags under his eyes.

The overwhelming relief on Steve's face when he sees Eddie is awake is touching, the misty eyes and cracking voice when he says god, i thought you were toast, man are downright flattering and, let's face it, giving Eddie all the wrong ideas that he figures he has an I-almost-died pass for at the moment so he rocks with it, let's himself indulge in the fantasy for a moment. Then, gradually, Steve's relief becomes more and more obviously some brand of deeply felt pity (or sympathy, but Eddie's never been good at distinguishing the two), which bursts his bubble enough to call him out.

"I know I look like what comes out the business end of a meat grinder, but I swear I'm good, dude. They definitely have me on the good shit, I hardly feel it. I'll be good as new in no time." Big fat fucking lie, by the way, but he'll say whatever if it gets that wounded puppy look out of Harrington's eyes.

"I...yeah, Eddie, I'm glad." And whatever it is he doesn't want to say, whatever is putting that you poor motherfucker look on his face, he's absolutely the opposite of subtle about it.

Eddie can hear the manifestation of his panic on the heart monitor.

"What? What is it? Is everyone- is Dustin-?" He can't say it, can't even think it, would rather be slowly torn to shreds all over again than know he failed at his one fucking task to keep the kid safe.

"No! I mean, yes, he's fine, they're all fine. Henderson's got a broken ankle and both of Max's arms are broken but the docs say they'll be fine in a few months with physical therapy."

The release of tension in Eddie's body hurts almost as much as the relief soothes him. "Okay then, what the fuck are you not telling me? It's fine, I'm a big boy, Harrington, I can take it."

He sighs, looking sick with it. "Eds...I don't know how to tell you this."

Oh god, what the fuck. Eddie's right back to freaking out because Steve looks inexplicably guilty, pained in the face like he's about to deliver the worst news he could imagine but if everyone's fine then-

"It's your dick, man. It's- it's gone. The bats-"

And Eddie laughs so hard he tears about a dozen stitches, immediately stops laughing, and throws up over the side of the bed and thankfully not all over his freshly reopened wounds as Steve shouts for help.

Eventually, when he's all stitched up again and barely hanging on to his hard earned lesson to not literally bust his gut laughing about the look on Steve's face (he has to force himself not to tell Wayne the specifics of how he ended up back in the OR, because he's absolutely gonna crack up and Eddie will definitely be unable to help himself from laughing with him), he realizes he's going to come out to all his friends in the very near future because holy shit, he has to tell everyone about Steve's utterly devastated expression at the news of Eddie's Ken doll-ification by way of demobat.

[ghost-with-a-teacup]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝(𝐬)

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x GN!Reader (Pre-Established Relationship)

Summary: Every so often, Miguel would simply disappear without a trace, getting lost in his own head. This time around you were determined to not let him be alone. Not on a day like today. (Hurt/Comfort)

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of loss. A lil angsty but soft (you know me :3)

“Hey, where’s Miguel?” you ask Jess as you walk into the dining hall. “I haven’t seen him all day, I need to go over mission reports with him but he wasn’t even in the monitoring room.”

Jess only shrugs, grabbing a bottle of water.

“Haven’t seen him either, he does that sometimes you know. Just disappears for a little while, he’s never told me why,” she replies. “It’d do you good to leave him alone, he’s been on edge all week.”

You cringe slightly as you think back to Monday when he hurled a mission folder at the wall after a new recruit had messed up, he refused to talk to anyone but Lyla that day.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” you say with a small smile, but Jess only looks at you knowingly.

“No you won’t,” she eyes you up and down.

“Oh, ye of little faith,” you reply, walking off. “See you later, Jess!”

~

As you walk through the halls, you begin to wonder what could be up with the leader of the Spider Society. While the two of you weren’t the closest, he trusted you more than he did most people here. Granted a lot of them were new, hell, the society itself had only been created a few months ago so it made sense.

But still.

Pulling out your phone, you glance at the date; ‘June 11th’. All of a sudden your face falls as you recognize the significance of today.

When Miguel had first talked to you about the Spiderverse, and his mission to protect each and every multiverse and its canon events he had shown you the consequences of not ensuring everything progressed as it needed.

He had gotten so mad at you that day because you refused to follow his cause simply because he had told you to. It just didn’t make sense to you how a single event, a single choice could cause the elimination of an entire universe.

That’s when he showed you himself the consequences of those minute choices. You watched in horror as Lyla projected the downfall of the universe he had travelled to. How all those people simply…disappeared without a trace.

At the corner of the screen, a single date; 06/11/2020.

You had to find him.

~

Finding him was much easier said than done. Clearly, he wasn’t anywhere at HQ so you start looking around his universe, places he mentioned in passing, places you thought he might like. For a few hours you search to no avail, and before long the sun was beginning to set.

The tiredness was starting to settle into your bones. Maybe this was the universe telling you to back off, for your own good.

That was until out of the corner of your eye you see a single blue speck on the edge of the tallest building in Nueva York. Call it intuition, or maybe your spidey sense but the moment you spot it you knew it was him.

Immediately you begin making your way over, slinging across the city, building to building. You never got sick of this feeling; you couldn’t place a finger on what it was. Freedom? Maybe. All you knew was that as the wind whipped by, cities and skylines in your view, that was when you were at your happiest.

But before long you begin to falter.

What would you even say to him? What could you say? ‘Oh hey, sorry about your old universe. Wanna talk about it?’ Miguel wasn’t one to just talk, especially about something as vulnerable as how he was feeling.

But…he also didn’t deserve to be alone either.

Reaching the top of the building, you huff slightly as you try to catch your breath (superhuman powers be damned, you try scaling a building).

There at the top, you see his broad shoulders hunched over, curled in on himself as his legs dangle off the side of the ledge. Then his back straightens as he senses you, whirling around with an irritated expression on his face.

“What are you doing here,” he says sharply, eyes narrowed in your direction. You have to fight the urge to shrink down in your spot under his gaze. “The whole point of someone disappearing without a word is usually because they want to be alone.”

“Or they just don’t know how to ask for help, so instead they wallow in their pain and force themselves to be alone because they think they can’t depend on anyone else but themselves,” you counter.

He only scoffs, turning away from you.

“I didn’t ask for a psychoanalysis, go be a therapist to someone who actually wants one,” he says, but you both knew the truth; he would rather die than depend on anyone but himself.

“I’m just saying,” you mutter, sitting down by his side much to his dismay. “I mean, I would know.” And it was true, you did. Always a listener to everyone else’s problems, the last thing you wanted to be was a burden. So before you could be, you slinked away to hide in the comfort of yourself.

He doesn’t say anything to that, opting to continue looking down at the city below. Softly, you sigh.

“I…I think I know why you’re here,” you say hesitantly, and immediately he visibly tenses before glaring at you.

“You don’t know anything,” he says lowly, daring you to say anything more, and despite everything in you screaming to turn away, to stop now, you continued.

“We’ve all gone through loss here, Miguel…” you whisper. “I understand.”

“You have no idea what loss is,” he says sharply, talons digging into the edge of the roof. “To watch as an entire world, an entire universe fall apart in the palm of your hand.” His voice cracks almost imperceptibly at that, but you notice. You always do.

“You have no idea what it’s like to see the ones you love most disintegrate because of your own actions, so you don’t get to say anything,” he seethes, his blood-red eyes darkened.

“You know damn fucking well we’ve all lost people Miguel, some more than others but the pain of loss accompanies all of us,” you say, feeling the anger rise in you as he blatantly brushes off everything you and the rest of the Spider Society of gone through. What everyone had to go to, to follow the canon he valued so greatly. But you don’t let it reach the edge, instead, you take a deep breath.

“Look, what I’ve been trying to say is that it's difficult to carry the weight of the world, let alone the weight of millions upon millions of multiverses. All I’m saying is that you don’t always have to do it alone,” you finish softly.

Hesitantly, you reach out for his hand with your own, but pull it back at the last second when he glances down at it.

Letting out a sigh, you continue.

“You don’t always have to keep it to yourself y’know,” you urge gently. “I may not have the power to bring them back, or the solutions to your problems, but I am always here to listen. As to whether you are willing to share, well, that’s up to you.”

For a moment he doesn’t say anything, instead only watching the sun as it sets on the horizon. Then, he seems to contemplate something for a split second before he leans his head on yours.

“I know,” he says quietly, and you feel your heart skip a beat, growing steadily in rhythm as something unfamiliar blooms in you.

“…thank you,” he says, pausing as though he was going to say something more but decides against it. Instead, he only looks into your eyes for a moment as you look into his.

What you find are the unsaid words that someday, he might be able to say.

“Let’s get back to base.”

~

A/N: Hi! Back again, sorry this is so different from my past two Miguel works, but I came up with this idea at work (oops) and had to get it down on paper. Hope you enjoyed~ (And don't worry, more fluff is coming soon :3)

[rosesnbooks]

Astrology observations #2

-people who lack an element in their chart really do surround themselves with a lot of people in said element. for example, my friend lacks earth and has at least 4 friends who are earth sun signs

-some capricorns really can't get along with leos, but they are attracted to sag and aries placements. they can't help it

-mars in the 1st house get sexualised a lot, to the point it gets too much for some people..especially women. these people are also very ambitious. even when going through tough times, they never lose sight from their goals

-mercury in aquarius have a unique humor. the same goes for mercury in the 11th.

-virgo mercury pay attention to details, esp when they like you..the things they remember and gifts they give you, shows how thoughtful they are

- fire signs/houses..please tell me that you've been told at least once that you talk too loud. i have aries mercury and my friend mercury in the 9th and we both had a revelation that we talk too loud lmao

-well-developed capricorns are such sweethearts. they are reasonable and grounded, but they are also so funny and charming. they may appear as if they have everything under control at all times, but they're just like the rest of us

-water signs have the craziest dreams i swear😭some can sound like scenes from a movie, fantasy and/or horror

-moon in the 5th house/leo think about themselves a lot and take things personally. they think everything is about them. on the other hand, they have the biggest hearts and they want to make everyone they love happy. can you blame them tho for wanting to feel like a main character

-when you want to ease your mind, talk to someone who has a sagittarius mercury and they will cheer you up

-having an empty 7th house might mean that you don't have much, if any, relationship experience. you probably give good relationship advice though

-aquarius/11th house placements have their own strong moral code. they can usually hide their feelings well, but if they realise someone is being intolerant towards others and mean, they'll get really emotional. they want the world to be a better place, and get frustrated when they see how many people don't care

-capricorn placements may have really complex relationship with their parents. they often expect too much from their kids, and since they prove that they can endure almost everything, the parents don't loosen their grip. they need to know their worth and forget about the expectations!

-mercury retrograde can really cause communication issues for people. it is difficult for these people to express how they feel and stand up to others. but, it does get better with time!

-aries and taurus placements combo in a man can be very dark imo, they are often players. they also have huge ego problems. i dislike emphasizing only the darker parts of people, so i have to admit that these placements, if well-developed, can be very loyal and passionate especially with people they love. they are also incredibly hard-working and focused, it's really admirable.

-be careful when dealing with men that have virgo and libra placements in their chart. some may be romantic and attentive, while others can nitpick your every flaw and can have ridiculously high standards. they can cheat and lie easily as well

-sagittarius venus love adventure, having a partner who doesn't know how to have fun and explore things is a big turn off to them. they can make compromises for their more serious partners, but if they can't reciprocate the same effort, it's not going to work

-cancer risings seem very approachable and kind. their eyes are usually big and curious, almost childlike

-this has been said many times, but venus in the 1st individuals truly are beautiful. there is also something different and captivating in their beauty, they stand out wherever they go

-saturn in the 3rd house/gemini may indicate that a person faced speech/writing difficulties when they were young, or they continue to struggle with it

-pisces moons tend to forget things and their memory can betray them at times. as a pisces moon, i think that's because we are in our heads too much and we remember how we felt about things, not the words and actions. we also struggle with being present 100% of the time, so we perhaps didn't listen to you in the first place (i'm sorry)

take this with a grain of salt, since i only read about astrology in my free time!💜

[mafiadad5]

Interminable || mark lee

No matter how much you claim you don’t want someone, or force your feelings away, you can never hide the truth

Genre- non idol au, friends to lovers, angst, smut, fluff, slow burn

paring- mark lee x fem!reader

Warnings- heavy angst, protected sex (mdni), mentions of alcohol, sex under the influence of alcohol (consensually), heartbreak, swearing, tw- mentions of death.

Mark is green and reader is blue/ white !

Word count- 12k

Playlist- kingston - faye webster / take a chance with me - niki / intro (end of the world) - ariana grande / a new kind of love - frou frou, imogen heap, guy sigsworth / a night to remember - beabadoobee, laufey / teddy bear - nct dream / bad religion - frank ocean / hurts me too - faye webster / yume utsutsu - lamp / promise - laufey / moonlight on the river - mac demarco / love - wave to earth / only - leehi

Authors note- omg hi, so this is one of my first angst, plz tell me what you think <3 and also… sry for any spelling or grammar errors lol.

July 11th, 9:00 am- beautiful stranger

"Hi! How can I help you today?"

Was the first thing he's ever said to you, a little anticlimactic yes, but you found yourself infatuated.

This was a smoothie shop that you were trying for the first time after moving, so you took some time browsing the menu, the nameless employee asking if you needed any help with anything here and there.

"Well what's your favorite thing?" You asked, looking at him deeply for the first time.

His eyes twinkled like no other, gleaming like the evening star in the night. All you could do was stare as he spoke, taking in all of his delicate features: the way his dark brown hair laid on his forehead, the way he was so expressive as he talked, oh wait, what was he talking about again?

"That's why it's my favorite drink and the large is simply better, sorry I didn't mean to talk your head off." He giggled.

"I'll take that." You grinned softly with him, eyes lighting up as he smiled brightly.

"In a large right?"

"Mhm!"

"Great! One large watermelon smoothie for you, that’ll be 7 dollars."

Your face dropped as he punched your order in on the register. You fucking hate watermelon smoothies, the actual fruit is ok, but the texture of the smoothie you can't do it, like at all.

"Is everything okay?" He asked, looking up at you with concerning eyes.

"Yea, all good!" You forcefully smiled, pulling out your card to pay.

“All set, I’ll get that ready for you asap!” He smiled, handing back your card.

You found somewhere to sit, making yourself comfortable as you scrolled on your phone, distracted by images of his smile popping up in your head. The smoothie shop was quiet, peaceful really, you being the only customer there.

“Here you go ma’am.” You heard from beside you, knocking you out of your thoughts.

“Oh thank you, you really didn’t have to bring it to me though.” You grinned, grabbing the smoothie from him.

“No problem really, there’s no one here anyways.” He smiled back, nodding reassuringly before turning away.

“Wait!” You interrupted, tapping the side of your drink nervously.

“What’s up?” He asked. His stare made you nervous, eyes so pure it made you want to melt on the spot from looking for one second.

“I was just wondering if um, if I could have your number? You know, I’m just new to the city and I would love some people to talk to.” You asked.

Your voice was so shaky and filled with anxiety it was so easy to read your nervousness, but he didn’t mind it, he found it somewhat cute actually.

“Yes, I would love to give you my number. May I see your phone?” You nodded persistently, a small smile on your face from the relief and the excitement, handing him your phone.

“What’s your name?” He asked, dialing the number in your call pad.

“It’s Y/n, what about yours?” You said, a smile on your face as he gave the phone back.

“It’s Mark, nice to meet you Y/n.” He stuck out his hand.

His voice, his eye contact, his manners, everything about him made you blush like a little teenager in love with your high school sweetheart, and you had only exchanged a few words.

“Nice to meet you too.” You smiled, your hand meeting with his soft hand, shaking gently and slowly, his eyes locked with yours.

“Well I have to get back behind my station, I’ll talk to you later, yeah?” He said as you removed your hand from his, nodding gently, waving as he walked back behind the counter.

You decided to sit there, the vile large smoothie in front of you tasting disgustingly good now knowing who made it. You drunk awfully slow, not just because of the eye candy that worked in front of you, glancing at you and smiling on occasion, but because how the smoothie dreadfully slithered down your throat, holding in a gag every swallow, but you finished it, every last drop. God how a pretty smile could make you do anything, you hated it, but here you were.

You got up from your chair, Mark noticing you, interrupting you before you collected your trash: “Oh, I got it!”

You turned to him smiling as he quickly walked over, collecting your trash.

“Thank you Mark, I’ll see you later.”

“You’re welcome Y/n!” He beamed as you walked out the smoothie shop

You had gained three things leaving that shop: a bright smile on your face from happiness, a bittersweet hatred for large watermelon smoothies, and a new, great person in your life.

July 11th, 10:53 pm- more than words

It had been a few hours since your first encounter with Mark, you trying to get him off your mind after the blue message you sent earlier never delivered.

You laid in your bed, staring at the ceiling as your hopes got shot down. Your phone went off beside you, but you just ignored it, trying to sulk in your feelings.

You soon got bored though so you decided to take a peek at your lock screen, jumping up as a familiar unknown number appeared in your Notification Center.

Hi y/n, don’t know if my number is saved yet, but it’s Mark from the smoothie shop.

You lied on your stomach, face lighting up as you grabbed your phone, instantly opening the message.

Oh hey, how was work lol?

It was good, other than the fact I left my phone at home, and dead… most boring double shift ever lol. How was your day after you left?

It was good, just went home and watched a movie with my roommate.

Oh cool. You said you were from a different city right?

Oh yea, actually out of the state!

Oh that’s cool, but why here. ^.^?

Just trying to explore more places, I like this place so far.

Ohh nice. Well I hope I have the pleasure of showing you around the city and making you love it :) How’d you like the smoothie?

I might take you up on that haha ;) and omg it was so delicious. Very refreshing to have after my morning runs. You’ll be seeing me a lot more in the mornings lmao.

Oh awesome, I basically work every morning so it’ll be a pleasure seeing you and making my morning a tad bit better.

You sprung up with a smile on your face, running around your room hectically. Did he really mean he what said, did you make his morning better? Your mind started flooding with a million thoughts, calming as you settled down, realizing that you never texted back. You grabbed your phone again, the message still opened as you started to text back.

Lol, well I guess I'll see you tmr then, hope to brighten up your day :)

You responded, sitting waiting for a response, 5 minutes passing, then 10, and nothing. You figured he might’ve just went to sleep, he did say he had a double shift, but you couldn’t wait to see him tomorrow and the anticipation was eating you up inside all night.

July 12th, 9:13 am - it's a date! i think...

You were on your run, the smoothie shop on your mind the whole entire way.

Finally, you were there, Mark cleaning the counters, eyes lighting up as you walked through the doors.

"Good morning!" He excitedly said.

"Good morning!" You said in response, a bright smile on your face as you made your way to the register to order.

"Wait I made something for you." He said, grabbing the most despise-able , yet refreshingly large watermelon smoothie. You felt your eye twitch at the sight.

"You shouldn't have." You smiled, not forcefully, but you felt a hint of pain behind it.

"Ah, it's the least I could do." He said, handing you the drink , wiping the condensation of the cup on his white apron.

You didn't think you could gobble down another one of these, you almost died at the thought, but there you were, sitting down at the same table you were at yesterday, drinking the smoothie painfully slow.

"So like, have you been anywhere around here yet?" You turned to him as he finished cleaning the counters. "I've only been to like a few food places, but that's all." You answered.

“Well, I’m off next Wednesday. If you’re not busy then I can take you to like my favorite park?”

Your face lit up, did he like just ask you out on a date?

“Yes, I would love to, just text me what time.” You smiled.

“Yea for sure!”

For an hour the conversation kept on flowing, you two chatting it up while he worked, unfinished conversations floating in the air when other customers came into the shop pausing the long talks.

“Mark I’m so sorry to cut this short, but I have to get to my online class so I’ll see you later.” You smiled, a little sad because you felt like you could’ve stayed and talked to him for hours.

“No worries, I’ll text you later about plans. Have a good rest of your day Y/n!”

“You too Mark!” You said, throwing the finished cup away.

On your walk home all you could think about was Mark, yes you only knew him for like 2 days, but his impression had left a stamp on your heart. He would definitely be someone you would be interested in having a relationship with, and he seemed like he thought of you in the same manor.

While walking home, your phone vibration went off, Marks name appearing on the lock-screen.

Hey Y/n know we just talked lol, but I’m thinking maybe like 12:00pm next Wednesday? How does that sound?

You opened the text, a smile on your face as you typed quickly.

Hey Mark, sorry but I have my online class, but I can do 1pm if that’s ok?

Oh yea, that works for me, I can come to your house and we can walk to the park? That sound ok?

Yea that’s perfect!

Great, well then it’s a date! :p

It’s a date lol

It’s a date!

July 19th, 12:55 pm - are you falling in love?

You were panicking you and your roommate running around trying to find your favorite perfume that decided to get lost at a time like this.

Hey! I’m outside, just come out whenever you’re ready I’ll be waiting :)

Fuck, you didn’t want him to just sit out there.

“I FOUND IT I FOUND IT.” Your roommate screamed, throwing you your perfume.

“Thank you you’re the best.” You grinned, rushingly spraying the perfume on your body.

“Ok I’m going now.” You said, grabbing your purse and slipping on your sneakers at the door. You rushed out the door, rushing downstairs your eyes scanning the outside, stopping on a familiar figure wearing a T-shirt, some blue jeans, and a small tote bag.

“Mark!” You shouted, causing him to turn around. Your eyes meeting his face then the two large smoothies in his hand.

You tried to keep a smile on your face, but it seemed like the watermelon smoothies had faces of their own looking at you with snarky expressions.

“Y/n!” He smiled, jogging over to you.

“Were you at the wrong complex?” You giggled, an awkward smile painting his face as he nodded.

“Maybe… oh here I got you something.” He said laughing, handing you the dreadful smoothie.

“Oh thank you.” You smiled.

“Wow my first time seeing you out of your workout clothes, I think I like these better. Not that I don’t like how you look in your workout clothes, you look amazing in your workout clothes, but I’m just, you look good now too.”

“Thank you Mark, and this is the first time I’ve ever seen you without your uniform Mr. Smoothie King. You look good too.” You giggled as he blushed.

“Ah I try my best, I guess we should walk to the park now.”

“After you.”

You guys walked to the park, which happened to only be 5 minutes away, sitting on a bench.

“I don’t know if you’re gonna like it, I should’ve asked, but I got you a ham sandwich.” You smiled taking the sandwich from him.

“I love it thank you.” You said, removing the sandwich out of the packet and taking a big bite.

You two sat on the bench for a while talking each other’s heads off, a smile on both of your faces as you chatted and laughed together for a few hours, the time passing by so fast.

“I’m starving, do you wanna grab dinner?” He said.

“Well, I mean my place is close by we can just go there and cook something really quick.”

“Oh, I would love that.” He smiled.

“Ok let me just text my roommate to make sure.” He nodded as you pulled out your phone, your roommate responding almost immediately saying you could go ahead and she was in her room anyways.

“Ok she said she’s fine we can go!” You said, standing up and grabbing his hand, pulling him up to stand with you.

For any other man, you would never let them go into your apartment this early, but you just felt so different about him, like you would trust anything he says. I guess that’s not a good thing, but for fucks sake ever since you’ve met him you’ve seen him almost everyday, and he always makes it a point to text you throughout the day and after work so you felt like at that point, you had known him long enough to trust him.

You had made it to your house, opening the door and removing your shoes, prompting him to do the same. You sat your things down near the dining table rolling up your sleeves and heading to the kitchen, and he followed right behind you.

“I was just gonna make spaghetti tonight, do you want?” You asked, getting out your pot and pans, setting them on the stove.

“I’d want anything you cook.” He laughed, a small grin appearing on your face as he stood beside you. In past conversations it has come up that you did love cooking and actually had a bachelors in culinary arts, associates in education, hence the online cooking classes you taught, so it wasn’t strange to make a comment like that, it was actually quite flattering.

“Here can you make the sausages?” You asked, handing him the already prepped meat, Mark grabbing the bowl pouring it into the pan almost immediately, causing a loud sizzling sound to erupt in the kitchen.

“MARK!?” You turned, laughing as he backed away from the pan, looking at you like a toddler getting scolded by their parent.

“Uh oh.” He said, a smile appearing on his face before you handed him a box of noodles, signaling him to cook them instead. You two stood beside each other, talking as you watched the food.

“Mark taste this.” You said, grabbing a clean spoon and scooping some of the homemade tomato sauce you made on it, holding it up to his mouth.

“Yo, this honestly may be the best spaghetti sauce I’ve ever tasted.”

You smiled, setting down the spoon, pouring the rest of the sauce with the sausages.

“Thank you.”

You finally finished cooking, plating your beautiful creation together.

“Let’s watch a movie in the living room while we eat.” You suggested, him following behind you as you took a place on the couch.

“What should we watch?” You asked.

“ What about La La Land?” He suggested.

“Stop that movie makes me cry.” You pouted playfully, a grin painting his face.

“Well if you really don’t want to then we can watch something funny, but I’ll be here to wipe your tears just saying.” He shrugged, causing you to smile, looking down, then back up at him.

“Fine.” You said, causing him to take a happy sigh of relief.

You turned on the movie, both of you guys eating while making small comments every now and then. Fortunately, you didn’t cry, but he was your shoulder to lie on during the movie, and unfortunately it was time for him to go home.

“Are you sure you can walk home by yourself, it’s dark out now?” You asked concerned, walking him to the door.

“Yes I’m good, you only stay like 10 minutes walking distance from me, I’ll send you my location if you’re that scared.”

“Ok fine” You said dragging out your words, trying to be serious, but all you could do was melt, it seemed like everything he did, everything he said was so cute and made you smile.

“Well I’ll see you tomorrow, right?” He questioned, looking at you from outside the door frame.

“Yeah, 9:00am like always!”

“Ok, bye Y/n.” He smiled, waving before turning away.

“Bye Mark.” You shut the door, turning away.

You decided to clean up before knocking on your roommates door.

“He’s gone.” You said before walking into your room, her busting in shortly after, a smile on her face.

“Girl.” She said, bouncing on your bed with a mischievous smile.

“You heard everything didn’t you?” You asked.

“I heard enough, and girl he sounds so fucking romantic I thought I was listening to a romcom.

“Ughh tell me about it, he’s so dreamy.” You smiled, face lighting up as you thought about the string of events that happened that day, your phone vibrating before your roommate could respond.

“Omg shut up he just texted me now.” You looked at her with sparkling eyes.

“What’d he say?”

➶︎ mark<3 started sharing location with you.

Hey, just wanted to text and lyk that I had such a fun time, and we should definitely do this again :) have a great night and I’ll see you tomorrow morning.

You looked at your roommate, a smile painted so brightly on your face it hurt your cheeks.

“Girl he fucking wants you oh my god.”

“He fucking wants me!” You screamed, a bright smile on your face as you ran all over your room.

“Text back text back.” Your roommate said.

I had a great time too, thank you for showing me the park <333. Have a great night mark, see you tmr!

You and your roommate just sat talking, you really seeing how deep you were in your feelings after practically bragging to her about him. You just hope he was in as deep as you.

August 2nd, 10:35 am - surprise!

You woke up, excited to get the day started, you were even too excited to go on your morning run, putting on a simple outfit just to run errands, your first one obviously the smoothie shop.

“Happy birthday Mark!!!” You ran inside, a big smile on your face as you made your way to him. He looked up surprised, cleaning the tables, setting down his washcloth as you pulled him into a hug.

“You remembered my birthday, I thought you weren’t coming today?” He smiled as he went behind the counter, going to the register before you shook your head.

“Mark, I’m not ordering anything… but I did come to ask you for a favor.” He looked at you with questioning eyes, not responding, waiting for your favor.

“Well, my uh drawer is jammed and I really need what’s in it like tonight, my roommate isn’t there so I could use your help when you get off?”

“Oh yeah sure, I’ll head over there when I get off.” He said, a small grin on his face.

“Thanks Markie you’re the best! See you at 5. Happy birthday again!”

“Thanks.” He mumbled, going to clean again as you left. 

It’s go time.

Hey I’m otw, might be there at like 5:30 or 5:45 because I’m starving, so I’m gonna stop to get some food.

No Mark, I really need this drawer unjammed, can you plz come right away? You can get food after. plzzzzzzz :(

Alright alright, I’ll come straight there.

Yayyy!

After a few minutes you finally heard a knock on the door. You got up excitedly, making sure everything looked good before opening the door, blocking the view of the living room.

“Ok, let’s see what’s wrong with this drawer.” He said.

You let him in, a big smile on your face as he walked, eyes in shock as he looked at the decorated living room, along with the dinner and cake sitting on the dining room table.

“Surprise!”  You smiled seeing his eyes light up, looking at you, then the decorations, and back at you again.

“Yo… you really… omg I don’t even know what to say. Thank you bro oh my god no one has like ever done anything for me like this before. Thank you Y/n, you’re like the best.”

“You’re welcome Mark and Happy birthday again. Now you said you were starving so let’s eat!”

You both ate, resting on the couch after the delicious homemade chicken and rice, and cookies and cream ice cream cake.

“Do you wanna watch a movie now?” He asked.

“If you want to then we will birthday boy, but I have something for you first.” You said, pulling out a small blue gift bag.

First he pulled out the card, opening it to see a message in bright red ink, reading it in his head.

Dear Mark, I hope you have the most wonderful birthday and I’m very grateful that I could spend it with you. I hope we can spend more and more birthdays together and I want to say that I’m very grateful that I met you! 

- With love Y/n :)

He looked up at you, a smile on his face as he pulled you into a hug. “Thank you so much Y/n.” 

He pulled the other gift out the bag, jumping up out of the seat as he saw what it was.

“Y/N YOU GOT ME A LIMITED EDITION SPIDER-MAN COMIC BOOK?” His smile was so wide and full, you felt like you could climb it.

“Yo Y/n… I’m actually, oh my fucking god I… I honestly could kiss you right now oh my goodness. Thank you.” He squealed, your eyes sparkling as you looked at him.

“You’re welcome Mark. I guess we should watch Spider-Man now huh?” You giggled, pulling out the extra cushions on the couch to make more room so you both could lay down. 

You both got comfortable, watching the movie, your head on his shoulder as you both laid under the blanket. I guess you could say that you both got a little too comfortable, passing out before the movie was even over.

You woke up, unsure of what even happened and how you even got here in the first place. Mark was no where to be found, but a notification on your phone let you know his whereabouts. 

Hey, sorry to leave without saying goodbye, but you were like sleeping beauty lol. I had work and I’m for certain you’re not coming tdy so I’ll just swing by later on when I get off. Oh, and thank you so much again. I really appreciate you :D

Oh no worries, I’ll see you later, and no problem! 

You set your phone down, you couldn’t even believe how far you have gotten with him.

Seriously, your first sleepover with him, cuddled up at that. And of course you didn’t let that comment about kissing you slide, it was pretty much on your mind all night, and the moment kept repeating itself in your head, driving you almost crazy. That’s what you want more than anything, just a kiss, one kiss.

You were certain that you were almost there, but of course you didn’t want to rush things and you liked the pace of this relationship so far so I guess it is what it is right now… but it should come soon, hopefully it comes soon. 

October 27th, 9:08 am- i think im in love.

Today was like any other day, going on your morning run, then stopping by your absolute favorite place.

"Good morning Y/n!" Mark said, smiling as he acknowledged you, sticking his head back under the counter.

"Good morning Mark!" You said, walking to the register.

"I'm a little busy right now Y/n, do you mind just waiting at your table so I can finish this?" He asked.

"Sure." You grinned, going to your normal seat, scrolling on your phone as you waited for Mark. You looked to your side, noticing him holding a large mango smoothie with a birthday candle in the cap, your eyes lighting up as you realized what was happening.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday my dearest Y/n, happy birthday to you!" He sung, bringing the smoothie over to you, his cheekbones defined as he smiled.

"You remembered?" You laughed, blowing out the candle.

"How could I forget? So, I hope you're not busy tonight because I want to do something for you at my apartment." He answered.

"Perhaps I could swing by, I'd have to check my schedule." You said sarcastically, a smirk on your face as your cheeks went hot.

"Well, stop by at 7pm if you're able to Ms. Hollywood."

"I'll see what I can do." You rolled your eyes playfully, a smile on his face as he made his way back to the smoothie counter. 

You thought about what he had planned all day. Doing random task to try to take your mind off of it, daydreaming about what it would be, what it would look like, goodness 7pm couldn't get here any quicker.

Finally it arrived, the time you anticipated for all day. You knocked on his door, waiting for a few seconds before you heard the door handle rattling, him sitting awkwardly in the door frame after he opened it. You two stared at each other for a second in silence, an awkward smile on your face as you stared at him.

“Hey.” He coughed.

“Hey, it’s cold, can I come in?” You grinned, an awkward laugh sounding from him as he let you in, shutting the door behind you.

“Surprise!” He mumbled as you stood quietly, eyes twinkling as you took in all the decorations.

The first thing you saw was a big projector screen in the living room with your favorite show ‘kitchen nightmares’ paused. Your eyes slowly observed the room to see sugar cookies and decorative frosting on the coffee table, a large box with a bow sitting next to it. You were quiet, breathless really, couldn’t even find the words to say, just staring blankly.

“Do you like it, I know it’s not much, but-”

“It’s perfect.” You interrupted, looking at him with the most glistening eyes.

He smiled condescendingly, guiding you to the dinner that was on the dining table, the homemade chicken pasta, which happened to be your favorite food.

“Mark oh my goodness.” You said, taking a seat while he grabbed some drinks from the fridge.

“Yeah, once you told me that you taught how to make it on your course, I just bought the course and learned how to perfect it.” Your eyes widened as you turned to him.

“That’s like a $150 course Mark, I could’ve just taught you.”

“Then it wouldn’t have been a surprise, would it?” He said, sitting down across from you looking at you with a smug smile.

“Plus, you’ve helped me learn how to cook too, I’ve saved so much money cooking at home.”

You nodded, taking a bite out of the food he made, your eyes widening as you grinned.

“You’re good at it too. This is delicious Mark.”

“Ah thank you man, but I learned it from you.” 

You guys finished eating, and started decorating the cookies together, the show playing in the background, but Mark rushed you two, hesitant about you opening up your gift.

“Fine, I’ll open it.” You said, grabbing the card off the box, opening it, a nice purple hand written note on the card. You read it slowly, taking in every word.

Dear Y/n, there’s so much I want to say, but I don’t think words could explain it, and I know I’m probably harassing you about this present right now aren’t I haha? But it’s only because I want to show how much I care about you. Im so glad that we met and I hope you have the best birthday and many more after that.

- Love Mark

“Aw thank you Mark.” You said, pulling him into a hug before you grabbed the box, opening it slowly. He sat there a huge smile on his face, breathing deeply, looking at you with anticipated eyes, his leg bouncing as your eyes widened.

“MARK NO YOU DIDNT, SHUT THE FUCK UP.” You screamed, pulling the pot and pan set out of the box, looking up at him, mouth wide as you looked back at the box.

“Mark this set goes for like 400 dollars- Mark I can’t- Mark how did you- nobody has done anything like this for me before.” You spoke, each sentence shortening with hiccups as your eyes started tearing up. 

“It didn’t take me long to save up for, and it’s the least I could do for messing up one of your pans.” He said.

“The most you should’ve done is get a cheaper pan.” You wiped your tears with your hands, looking at the box again wondering it was all just a dream.

“The amount of times you’ve forced me to binge Hell’s Kitchen with you, you really thought I wasn’t gonna get you your favorite chefs pots and pans set that you talk about all the time?”

“No.” You snuffled, vision blurry.

“Well you deserve it Y/n, happy birthday!” He smiled brightly.

“Thank you so much Mark.” You smiled, blinking quickly trying to stop your tears, pulling him into a hug. 

“You’re welcome Y/n.”

You didn’t know what love felt like. Always used your whole life, taken for granted. Doing everything yourself with no help, no one to call on, but now you knew, you knew it for sure, you were in love.

February 14th, 9:10 am- a night to remember.

After complaining to Mark about how you've never had a valentines, he suggested that he'd be it this year, and of course you agreed. He told you not to stop by the smoothie shop, or even go on your run today, but to stay and pamper yourself before your going out later the night.

You better not be up running right now.

I was sleep actually before your loud notification woke me up -.-

Oh sorry... go back to sleep •.•

You giggled at the message, obviously you were already up, you were too excited not to be. He said that he planned to take you to a fancy restaurant, then just to go back to his apartment and bake cookies, watch movies, little things like that, but no matter what you do, no matter how cheap, you still were so excited. This was your first Valentine, and your biggest crush. 

The time passed fairly quickly as you prepped yourself for what you thought was going to be the best night of your life. You slipped on your red dress and black heels, soon hearing a knock at your door.

Excitedly you rushed to the door, opening it to see Mark in a white button down shirt and black slacks— and god his scent hit you like a speeding car.

“Happy Valentine’s Day.” He smiled, a bouquet of roses in his hand.

“Happy Valentine’s Day.” You responded, your lips turning into a smile, cheeks hurting from smiling so hard as he handed you the flowers.

“You look good.” He spoke, clearing his throat, an awkward smile painting his face.

“Thank you, I could say the same about you.” You said, smiling brightly as you sat down your flowers, grabbing your purse and a red gift bag before turning to him again.

“This is for you.” You said, handing him the gift bag, a grin on his face as he accepted it.

“Let’s open our gifts later together, ok?” He said.

You nodded, closing the door behind you. 

The dinner was very much delicious, and you two had a great time baking cookies. It was a little bit messy, just because you both were a bit tipsy, well… very tipsy, but it was fun nevertheless.

“Mark let’s open our gifts.” You giggled, as he nodded, grabbing his small gift bag.

He grabbed his gift first, pulling it out and examining it.

“You told me that you wanted to learn how to cook more meals when im not around, and I can’t have you buying my courses again, so I just made you a homemade cookbook— with like only foods that we make together, the ones nobody else has.” You smiled infectiously, Mark feeling a smile curling on his lips just from looking at yours.

“Thank you Y/n, I love it.” He smiled genuinely, handing you the small bag that he had in his hands. You opened it slowly, taking out a small black velvet box.

You looked up at him, an impatient look glimmering in his eyes as you opened it slowly, a beautiful silver diamond necklace sparkling in your eyes.

“Well damn, maybe I should’ve gotten you a better gift.” You giggled, still a little taken aback.

He laughed in response, inching closer to you.

“Do you like it?” He asked, eyes burning into your face for some kind of approval.

“Like it? I love it.” You said, eyes sparkling as you looked up at him.

“Can you help me put it on?” You said, removing the necklace from the box, handing it to mark.

You turned around, lifting up your hair, the necklace wrapping around your neck nicely. His hands rubbing against your skin as he fastened the jewelry. You turned around, your bodies close, Mark looking at the necklace as it sparkled on your skin.

“It’s beautiful.” He murmured, looking at you with a smile, but all you could do was stare— stare deeply into his eyes, god you just wanted to taste him so bad.

Your stares remained interlocked, no one breaking the eye contact, no one saying anything either.

So you did it, leaning in and finally taking his lips onto yours. It wasn’t as magical as you thought though, in all honesty it seemed like it wasn’t even reciprocated.

You broke the kiss, an awkward silence shattering around you as he just stood staring at you.

“I’m- I’m sorry.” You stuttered, breaking the silence.

Your eyes burned from holding back the tears that wanted to desperately be let out, you turning and walking away to avoid it— thinking about how your walk home would be, how you would cry deeply regretting how you ruined the day that was supposed to be perfect, but that all got interrupted as you felt a tight grasp on your wrist, turning you back around, a silent tension surrounding the two of you once again.

You looked at him with glossy eyes, a million thoughts rushing around in your brain, but your mind went blank again as his lips crashed back onto yours.

Your shoulders dropped, letting go of all the tension in your body as his hand found your face, pulling you deeper into the kiss.

The kiss grew deeper as you wrapped your hands around his neck, his free hand wrapping around your body, slowly backing you into his room, not breaking the kiss once.

His hands found the zipper of your dress, slowly pulling it down, slipping you out of the tight fabric, you pulling him out of his shirt shortly after.

There were no words exchanged, only heavy breathing as you two kissed passionately, tongues exploring each other’s mouths as he pushed you onto his bed.

You sat there, chest heaving up and down as you looked at him pull a condom out of his nightstand, eyes lighting up as you came to your senses about what was really going on.

He pulled down his pants and underwear, ripping the plastic to the condom with his teeth, wrapping it around himself before getting on top of you.

He planted another messy kiss on your lips before pulling down your underwear, lining up his tip to your aching hole.

You breathed heavily in anticipation, you practically have dreamt of this moment. He looked at you once more for reassurance before pushing himself into you. You let out a gasp, your walls wrapping tightly around him. He started to thrust at a slow pace, making sure you were comfortable before speeding up.

Your skin flushed as you squirmed under him, beautiful sounds of lust filling the room as his head rested on your shoulder, face nuzzling into your neck.

Loud moans filled the room as your bodies pressed into each others as he thrusted even faster, letting out moans and curses as your walls sucked him in.

You wrapped your hand around his bare back, scratching and itching at his bare skin as your bodies thrashed together.

“Fuck I’m almost there.” You whimpered out, clenching around him, breath hitching causing him to let out a low moan into your neck.

“Me too Y/n.” He moaned, desperately thrusting.

His hands found your arms, removing them from his back and holding onto them tightly, fingers interlocking with yours as his thrust became messier and messier by the second.

“Fuck I’m coming.” He cried out, your legs shaking in sync as he forced himself to do a few more aimless thrust, both of you moaning loudly as he rode out your highs.

The room filled with heavy breathy, you sitting there silently trying to fathom what even just happened. 

You two got cleaned up and went to sleep right after, well he did.

You couldn’t sleep though, the realization struck a cord in your brain, your mind racing from the thought that he wanted you just as bad as you wanted him, it was obviously so exciting.

You couldn’t wait to wake up together— wake up together knowing that he was yours and you were his.

You wonder what that conversation would sound like, what the moment would feel like when you two could finally call each other boyfriend and girlfriend, it had your cheeks growing warm. I guess you could say it was the best night of your life.

You shut your eyes, vivid pictures of him filled the dark void until you finally found yourself asleep.

February 15th, 11:25 am - he loves me, he loves me not.

You woke up, Mark sleeping soundly beside you, smiling strongly as you realized it really wasn’t a dream.

You hopped up excitedly, going to his kitchen to prepare some breakfast for the both of you, Mark waking up shortly before the food was ready.

“Good morning.” He said, taking a seat at the dining table.

“Good morning.” You smiled, plating the food and bringing it to him, taking a seat across from him.

You two sat awkwardly, Mark avoiding eye contact as he ate his food. You couldn’t wait any longer, couldn’t just sit around and wait till he brought up the topic.

You were so curious as to what you guys were now— and you weren’t going to technically ask him out, but you just wanted some clarity, just wanted to hear him say that you were more than friends, so you took a deep breath interrupting the silence: “Mark, I have a question.”

He looked at you, his eyes looking into yours as if he knew what was coming.

“What’s up?” He said, moving the food around on his plate with his fork.

“What- what are we?” You asked, titling your head, looking at him, but only being returned with broken eye contact.

He chewed his food silently, his body shifting in his chair. He looked back up at you, playing with his food once again, the fork scrapping on the plate somehow louder than the silence that surrounded the both of you.

“Well, we’re friends, aren’t we?” He swallowed, looking at you with a slight frown on his face.

“You don’t wanna be more than that though?” You asked, speaking softly as you innocently glanced at him.

He held his breath, looking everywhere except for your eyes as he answered agonizingly slow, and quietly: “No, not really.”

You felt your heart shatter as he still avoided eye contact, a million thoughts flooding your mind as you bit your lip.

“So why did you- why did we do that last night?” You asked.

“Well, I thought it was a friend thing, just us being tipsy.” He finally looked into your eyes, his answer only making your heart shrink smaller.

You held your composure well, but he noticed the subtlest shift in your eyelids along with the gloss that coated your eyes.

“Friends don’t fuck, or use each other when they’re horny and drunk ” You spat out, growing less patient of his answers by the second.

“Well, you kissed me first- I didn’t know what to do.” He shrugged, voice going a few octaves higher.

“The kiss where I apologized after I thought it wasn’t reciprocated? The kiss where you fucking pulled me back when I was trying to leave? That kiss Mark?” Anger spurred inside you as your voice grew more and more aggressive.

He grew quiet, silence filling the room once again as he looked at you with eyes full of pity— it drove you almost insane.

“Fuck this.” You said, storming to his room to grab any of your belongings.

“I didn’t wanna lose you Y/n.” He said, rushing after you.

“Oh so you decided to lead me on for what- fucking months? You thought that would’ve kept me here Mark? Flirting with me, watching me fall in love with you, then rejecting me and blaming it on me kissing you- AFTER I APOLOGIZED AND LITERALLY TRIED TO LEAVE? Not losing me was the last thing on your mind.” You picked up the remaining items, stuffing your bag rushingly.

“You- you fell in love with me?” He mumbled, standing in the doorway looking at you in sorrow.

“Yes Mark, I fell love you. I fell in love with your eyes, your smile, your fucking everything, and I thought you felt the same way about me, but obviously I’m nothing but a pity party to you.” You looked at him, tears finally spurring from your eyes as you started to break down from his silence.

“Fucking say something.” You said in a painful whisper.

“What do you want me to say? Do you want me to lie and say I love you? I can’t lie to you like that Y/n, you deserve better than that.” Your eyes winced in pain as you stared at him silently.

“Wait no Y/n, that’s not what I meant, I do love you, you’re my best friend I love you a lot, but-”

You interrupted him, grabbing your bag and walking to the door where he was standing, removing your necklace.

“Stop Y/n, I didn’t mean it like that.” He spoke in deep sympathy and guilt.

“You looked me directly in my eyes when you said that, you meant every word. I hope you’re happy.”

Your last words almost squeaked out as your throat tightened, tears streaming down your hot cheeks as you handed him back the necklace.

“Please Y/n, stay— so we can talk about it.” He spoke lightly, blocking the doorway.

You could hear he was being genuine, but you didn’t care at that point. 

“There’s nothing to talk about, move Mark.”

“Y/n-”

“move.” You spoke sternly, all he could do was move out of the way and watch as the person he cared for the most walk out his life.

The walk home has probably been the worst and most embarrassing one ever. Your vision blurry as tears violently streamed down your face, wailing as the scene played over and over in your head. You thought he was different, but you guess everyone was the same. You promised to yourself that night that you will never ever deal with that ever again, and no matter what you’re done with him.

February 21st, 9:47pm- please, I love you.

It had been a week since the incident, and to say that you were exhausted was an understatement.

You were more numb than anything right now, finding a new route to run so you didn’t have to run into the smoothie shop, avoiding places that you were most likely to run into each other at, trying to forget about the incident, forget about him— but oh no he didn’t let you.

He would send messages every day, every hour, and it drove you almost insane, but for some reason you couldn’t block him, and deleting his number out of impulse didn’t do anything. 

Good morning, I hope you’re doing ok, again I’m so sorry.

You bet he is…

Hey, can we please talk?

Nope.

Plz just respond and tell me you’re okay.

Did he really think you were? 

You can be mad at me, you can hate me, but please let me apologize in person

Ugh, for someone who wasn’t in love with you, he would not leave you alone. 

But you would just ignore it, leave him on delivered for hours, opening the message when you felt like it. Sometimes you would even act like you were responding to the message when you felt him watching your text bubble, just to mess with him— you deserved to fuck around with him after all.

One day you got another message.  

 I’m outside, please come out, I’ll wait for hours if I have to. 

Was he serious, this was starting to get obsessive. Why couldn’t he just take the hint. 

You did what you always did, left him on read, and went on about your business, but 30 minutes later you were curious about if he was actually still waiting.

After beating yourself up for caring so much you decided to check his location, and there he was, sitting in the same place. You sat there for a minute, contemplating if you should go out— for goodness sakes it was like 40 degrees outside so this was some serious commitment on his part, plus this could be a good way to get rid of him, right? 

Right…

You grabbed your coat and slipped on your boots, making your way outside to where he was sitting. He jolted up, eyes widening from the fact that you did come outside.

He stood up, trying to hand you a flower.

“I don’t want it.” You declined, shaking your head before sitting on the bench. He nodded his head understandingly.

“How are you?” He asked, sitting beside you on the bench.

“What do you have to say?” You replied curtly, looking forward to avoid his gaze on you. You knew if you looked at him in his sorry eyes you might’ve just folded right then.

“Well, I just want to say that I’m so sorry Y/n. I truly am. I never meant to hurt you and I’m so stupid for leading you on, and making you feel like you mean so little to me. I- I guess I was just scared to lose you, which I know is not an excuse and I’m very sorry. I love and care for you a lot ok. You deserve so much more than what I gave you, and I’m so sorry that I didn’t act that way. I should’ve told you that I didn’t want a relationship from the jump and I’m so sorry that I’m realizing that now when it’s too late. You’re my best friend and by your side is where I’m meant to be. You have the right to be selfish and I know that I don’t deserve someone as amazing as you, but please, please just give me one more chance. I care about you so much and I need you in my life. Please.”

You sat there, a tear rolling down your cold, numb cheeks.

You didn’t want to trust him again, and you’ve said this before and it went terribly wrong, but no one has ever done or said anything to you like this before.

“Mark, listen.” You gulped down the sadness that lingered in your throat and began to speak clearly.

“I love you more than anything, and I would be willing to forgive, but do you realize how embarrassing this is? To be rejected like that— to be told those words, those excuses, and take you back, even as a friend this quickly, this fast. Sorry, but I would have no self respect for that. So that being said, I have to think about this.”

You paused, turning to him.

“But you have to leave me alone, you have to let me figure this out myself. I feel grateful that you feel pity and that you feel enough remorse to be here right now on a cold winter night, but you have to give me space, do you understand me? I need space from you.” 

“I understand. I’ll give you space.” He said nodding, looking at you with a frown on his face.

“Anything else?” You asked, standing up as he shook his head no, grabbing your wrist before walking off.

“Thank you, for coming out and talking.”

You said nothing, only nodding in response, pulling his fingers off your wrist, walking back up to your apartment.

February 28th, 8:36 pm- forgiveness, could you imagine?

It had been about a week since you and Mark talked, and trust it was the most confusing week.

You didn’t know whether to be sad, happy, or relieved.

Didn’t know if you would forgive, or just forget and move on.

He respected your wishes, no more annoying text anymore, but that didn’t make you feel good— and honestly made you think about him more, worried about if he was ok or not.

You knew it was bad, and you knew he didn’t even deserve to be thought about right now, but you cared for him and you couldn’t deny that.

So… after sitting for hours, thinking, you decided to forgive. 

Hey, I wanted to reach out so I wouldn’t leave you hanging on the matter, even tho you deserve it lol. Anyways, I just wanted to say that I decided to forgive you and would like to continue on as friends. I will never forget this and will take every comment you make seriously and correct you if I think something is misleading. It might not go back to the way it was right away, so don’t force it. And I guess that being said, I’ll see you tomorrow morning during my run.

Thank you so much Y/n, I really appreciate it, and I’ll try my best to be the best friend to you ever. I’ll try not to cross any boundaries and take your feelings deeply into consideration. I’ll see you tomorrow :)

So, I guess you broke your promise. You honestly just wanted your friend back, and even though you’re heartbroken, you still love him. This is your problem actually, too nice for this world, always forgiving, but you would work on that later, but right now you had to deal and learn from it. You know it sounds stupid, but even though he’s the one that broke your heart, he’s also the one who gave you a shoulder to lie on while you cry to him about it, so you’ll be okay. The things you would do for love. 

May 16th, 9:00 am - for me.

I had been 3 months since the whole incident happened between you and Mark. After a while you got tired of correcting his comments, and got the hint that was just being nice, so you let it go, along with your feelings for him. Basically, everything was back to normal, but he was way more— how do you say? Kinder, which seemed impossible given the fact of how your friendship has always been, but now it was very noticeable. You just chopped it up to him wanting to proof himself to you, and redeem himself from… past situations.

Unfortunately you had to break some bad news to him though.

Hey, can we meet at the park?

Yea sure, is everything ok?

You didn’t respond. 

You two were sitting on the bench that shared so much history, talking and getting off track per usual, but you finally had to spill the news. 

“Mark, I’m-” You took a deep breath, turning to your body towards him. 

“Mark I’m moving back home.” You said, Marks eyes glistening a mournful sparkle as he heard the words come out your mouth.

“W-why?” He asked, voice cracked a little as he stared at you. 

“Well, my mom is dead ok. And I- I feel like I’ve messed everything up and I need to go back to find myself, like find myself fully and heal instead of running away from my problems.” Your voice was confident, yet stuttered as you spoke. 

“When did your mom die, why didn’t you tell me?” He asked, voice curious and worried. 

“Shit I didn’t even know she died until a week ago. I feel like even though we didn’t have a good relationship, I could’ve at least been there you know, not just for my mom, but for my whole family.” 

“I understand, and I’m so proud of you for trying to heal and be the bigger person, even though your family wasn’t the bigger person for you. When do you leave?” He asked.

You took another deep breath, biting your lip. “Next week.” 

“That soon!?” He said, his voice clamorous. 

“That soon… but let’s make this last week fun, and memorable and not mourn about it, ok?” 

“Ok.” He nodded. 

You both just sat in silence as you let the date sink in.

You claimed that you wanted to heal, and that you couldn’t stop running away from your problems, but here you were— running away from your biggest one. You thought that you wanted to keep in contact when you left, but in all honesty, you weren’t so sure. But you guess time would tell.

May 20th, 2:00 pm - this is goodbye

So here it is, your last hangout, the last time you would probably see him for a while, and it was memorable— you guess?

You two decided to go to an amusement park, and then the aquarium. You were having a great time, but you kept noticing his stares, exchanging glances every once in a while, it was very weird. 

“What?” You kept asking, his eyes widening in, obviously forceful confusion and innocence.

“Nothing, nothing. Nothing at all man.” He would respond each time, shrugging his shoulders. 

You were in the aquarium, holding the stuff animal that he bought you tightly in your arms. 

“Y/n, I have to tell you something.”  He spoke, clearing his throat. 

“What’s up?” You turned to him, a wide smile on your face as you looked him in the eyes. 

“I um-” he paused, gulping and biting his lip nervously as you stared at him with curious eyes.  

“I just wanted to say that I’m gonna miss you and I hope we stay close.” He smiled, sticking his thumb up awkwardly.

“Aww me too Mark.” You smiled in return, pulling him into a hug.

Finally you were back to your apartment after a long, but fun day with him. He wanted you to come over so he could prepare some dinner for you, but you knew that you were going to be exhausted tomorrow from the move so you respectfully declined, letting him know that you needed rest. 

“Well, I guess this is goodbye then huh?” You said, a bittersweet smile on your face as you looked at his gleaming eyes.

“I guess it is. You’ll visit right?” He questioned.

“Of course I will, and you can come visit me whenever you want too. There’s a lake nearby that I think you’d love.” You smiled.  

“Ok, I’ll definitely visit for sure.” He nodded. A comforting silence surrounding the two of you as you just stared at each other.

“Well, I have to get going.” You said, breaking the silence, a grin on your face. 

“Ok. I’ll see you later… bye y/n!” 

“Bye Mark!” You smiled, turning away to walk to your apartment, looking behind you once more, a smile on his face as he waved.

You never thought that your story would end this soon. Even, though— or, if you, remained friends, you knew it would never be the same no matter how much you visit or text each other, but that’s okay, you were fine with it… right?

May 21st, 8:36 pm - I’m home.

Hey, just checking to see if you got there smoothly?

Yep, all moved in lol

Great I’m glad, I’ll definitely be coming soon;) but anyways, I’ll let you get some rest. Talk to you later

Talk to you later :)

May 21st, 12:23 am - hate me forever.

❥ 1 new voice message from - mark

I know you might hate me forever after this, but I was thinking about it and it’s best if I just told you. You’ve been nothing but kind to me and it seems like all I do is fuck your life over, but Ive gotten it all wrong anyways, so I might as well confess now. Fuck Y/n, I think- I think I’m in love with you. You’re going to be so pissed off with me and I was about to tell you yesterday before you left, but you looked so happy and I didn’t wanna ruin it with my own personal feelings like I always do. I thought I didn’t want to be with you, I thought I never would want to be with anyone ever, but you made me realize that I do and I feel like there was a reason that I kissed you, tipsy or not. Well I did more than just kiss you, but nevermind that. Sorry. I don’t know why I said that sorry. Anyways sorry, I um dude I’m actually like, this is like frustrating, but I hope that we can still be close even though we don’t live near each other anymore. And yeah, I thought to tell you this so you could reject me and get your revenge you know? Sorry I don’t know why I said that either- sorry for saying that- whyd I- anyways, man I just- ok turn this off actually, but I- I love you Y/n and I hope we stay close, wait dude didn’t I just say that? I don’t know anymore man ok bye- love you- bye.

Don’t listen to that I was drunk :/

Getting drunk the day I leave, miss me already? ;)

Ha you’re funny. Don’t listen tho seriously

Ok fine I won’t .-.

What the fuck.

You obviously listened to it, the first thing you heard in the morning and all you could do was sit in your bed shocked.

You never thought this day would ever come, nor prepared yourself for it.

There was nothing you could do, he fumbled, and you had lost feelings. That was his fault sorry not sorry, but as the week went on you could only think about that message.

It ran through your mind over and over again, and the more you thought about, the more you wanted him.

No matter how much you tried to force your feelings away and tell yourself that you didn’t have them anymore, you can never deny love you feel for someone else, never. 

You loved Mark, and you needed to talk to him.

May 30th, 8:00 pm - we can't be friends.

It had been about a week after the voice message, and you tried to ignore everything. Tried to ignore your feelings, your families nagging and constant toxicity, and tried to ignore him running through your mind. You both haven’t talked since then, I guess he was too guilty to even try and you just let it go.

“Y/n, there’s someone here for you.” You heard screaming from downstairs. 

Your brows furrowed in curiosity as you made your way downstairs. 

You went to the front door, opening it to see Mark standing there. Your eyes widening as he stood at the door with a cheeky smile. 

“Mark what are you doing here!?” You asked, slipping on your sandals and walking outside, shutting the door behind you.

“I told you I would come soon.” He smiled. 

“How did you even find my address?” Your forehead crinkled as you looked at him with questioning eyes. 

“We share locations.” He answered quickly, swirls of passion in his eyes. 

“Mark, that’s like- kinda weird.” You answered, a chuckle escaping your lips as he scratched the back of his head.

“Man, I just be checking sometimes, just to make sure you’re ok. Now can you show me this lake that you talked about, it’s all that’s been running through my mind.” 

“Yes mark I can show you the lake.” You said, grabbing a blanket and your phone. 

You two sat at the lake, watching the sunset, talking like you haven’t seen each other for months.

As you two talked, him confessing kept crossing your mind, really it was all that you could think of actually.

You didn’t know if you should just leave it alone like he did, tell him that you knew and that it was ok, or just tell him you like him first to see if he says anything.

You honestly didn’t know how it would affect the relationship between the two of you, but you just wanted to say something at least, and you weren’t upset like he thought. 

“Mark.” You begun, swallowing the anxiety that crawled up your chest into your throat. 

He didn’t even respond, just looked at you blankly, his eyes hinting a bit of worry. 

“I listened to the voice message.” You mumbled. 

His face dropped, ears turning red as he opened his mouth to say something, lip quivering as the words got stuck.

You could feel his heart race even though you weren’t even touching him. He paused for a second, then his voice sounded in fast and high pitch words. 

“Y/n, I’m seriously like so sorry. I know that had to be confusing and I honestly wish that I deleted it before you listened dude, swear. You did not deserve to be tangled up in my feelings-” 

“Don’t worry, it’s mutual.” You interrupted. 

“And I just- wait what?” He paused, looking at you with confusion in his eyes, but a bit a relief in his voice.

“It’s mutual.” You nodded, just as surprised of your words as Mark at that point. 

“But I thought you stopped liking me?” His said, his voice sounding flabbergasted. Eyes twinkling as he looked into yours. 

“I did, but I never stopped loving you, and I guess that counts right?” You said, a small grin on your face as his face lit up. 

“So- so would you be with me? Would you be my girlfriend Y/n?” He asked, turning to you, voice high pitched and excited as his eyes went brighter and wide. 

“I would… if you promise to never leave me alone, if you promise to always be there with and for me?” You answered, eyes sparkling as a smile crept on your face from just looking at him. 

“I promise Y/n. I’m not letting you go again. I want us to be together forever if it’s possible.” He spoke, scooting closer to you and grabbing your hands, holding them tightly. 

“Ok, well then- I would love to be your girlfriend Mark.” Your cheeks hurt as you smiled strongly, your words full of warmth. 

“But wait, there’s something we’re forgetting.” He paused, you humming in response as he grabbed something from his coat pocket. 

He held up the shimmering diamond necklace, your eyes sparking as you looked at it with a smile. 

“Do you just carry that around with you? That’s weird.” You asked, giggling to yourself. 

“Call me what you want bro, but it’s yours.” 

He smiled, signaling you to turn around so he could put it on you. 

“Wow this is so excited I could just kiss you.” He squealed as you turned around.

You raised your eyebrows, a smirk painting your face as you starred at him. He blinked quickly, a smirk appearing on his face shortly after yours. 

“Can I kiss you?” He asked, cheekbones defined from blushing. 

“Yes. You can kiss me.” You responded, nodding as your cheeks grew warm as the smile on your face began to hurt from how big it was. 

He smiled, grabbing your face and pulling it to his, looking at your eyes before leaning in.  The taste was familiar, yet so much sweeter. You wrapped your hands around his neck, pulling him even closer to you, lips not leaving each others. 

Now this is what you could call magical— no regrets, no alcohol, just love. 

July 7th, 9:38 am. - my darling.

“Happy one year- meetiversary?” He spoke. 

You giggled, meeting him at the counter, giving him a kiss on the cheek as he handed you a mango smoothie.

“Whatever happened to the watermelon ones?” You asked. 

You were relieved for sure, but still curious because after your birthday he stopped giving them to you. 

“I thought you didn’t like them?” He asked, his eyebrow raised as he titled his head. 

“Did I tell you that?” You paused, looking at him with confused eyes. 

“No, but I could tell from like the first day I gave you one.” 

“So if you could tell I didn’t like it, why’d you keep making them for me?” You questioned, head titling. 

“Oh I just wanted to mess with you, see how long it would take for you to crack, but you didn’t, surprisingly.” He said, a smirk appearing on his face.

“So why Mangos now?” You raised your eyebrow questionably. 

“It’s your favorite fruit.” 

“How do you know that?” 

“Y/n It was in your 4 hour cooking course. You mentioned how it was your favorite fruit.” He answered, you nodding in response understandably before tilting your head once again. 

“But you bought the one with my favorite meal, the 2 hour one?” You said, causing his lips to curl into a smile.

“Oops.” 

You hit him playfully, scolding him about not buying your classes anymore and that you were right there to teach him, but he never listened regardless so you stopped wasting your breath. 

You two were long distance for a tad bit, but he finally convinced you to come back so you could be closer again, and trust you took it deeply into consideration after you kept getting in fights with your family when you moved back home. So you’re back.

Sometimes you just sit and think about what if you never moved in the first place. How would your life be? Nevermind that, you just felt grateful to have him and he felt the same about you. It’s been a year since you and Mark have met, and to say that it’s been an emotional rollercoaster was an understatement. Your connection was for sure a journey, and every step of the way, no matter if it was sad or happy, it brought the two of you where you meant to be— together. 

September 15th, 5:39 pm (5 years later) - I’ll never let you go.

Sorry to bother you on your run, but do you think you can pick her up some diapers otw home?

Delivered at 8:30 am

Y/n omg she’s crying so hard, she misses her mom, come back soon :(

Delivered at 9:30 am

Sorry, I’ll leave you alone, but I’m telling the truth about her crying.

Delivered at 9:31 am

Y/n, it’s been an hour, where are you? Why is your location off?

Delivered at 10:42 am

Y/n where are you? I’m becoming very upset, text back. 

Delivered at 12:38 pm

baby, are you okay? Why aren’t you picking up my calls?

Delivered at 2:09 pm

Did I do something to upset you? I’m sorry if I did, plz come home so we could talk about it. 

Delivered at 5:00 pm

About 30 minutes, I got a call that sent a shiver down my spine.

“Hello is this the husband of Y/n L/n?”

You always told me that you would list me first for your emergency contacts, but I didn’t think anything of it. 

“I’m sorry to inform you, but she was involved in a very bad hit and run car accident. Please come down here as soon as possible so we can discuss the matter with you.” 

My heart trembled at the call, I couldn’t even stand straight.

Your long time friend, your roommate met me at the hospital, taking our baby girl out of my hands before I went into the hospital room, hands shaking every step of the way to you.

When I saw you, my heart sunk, it had to have been a nightmare, no way this was real.

I couldn’t even make it fully in the room before turning and walking out the door. Screaming, tears streaming down my face as I tried to find who did this to you. Thank god our baby was there, gave me a reason to not find him and kill him myself.

The doctors helped me calm down and I finally walked in fully, trying to hold my composure as I got closer to you.

They had you hooked up to all this complicated equipment, but all I could see was you.

I took a seat by your side, tears falling from my eyes as the doctors gave me a minute to spend with you quietly. 

“She’s brain dead. The impact of the car sent her into cardiac arrest and the impact from the fall added severe damages to her brain”

I heard that from beside me, a sorrowed voice that just sunk into my brain, carving the words harshly into my heart.

My eyes shut as I wrapped my hand around yours.

You were cold, and that only made my heart shatter more.

“Is there anyway she’ll wake up? Anything?”

I tried to speak, but my voice cracked and squeaked as I saw the doctor’s forcefully cold expression, sympathy in his eyes as he shook his head. 

“I’m sorry, but there’s really nothing we can do but pull the plug, but that’s a decision for you Mr. Lee.” 

Tears were in my eyes, my face focused as I stared at you. I was in my right mind— I think, but I couldn’t help my emotions that began to flow out. 

“Can- can she feel anything?”

I asked, my voice cracked as I looked at your face.

No matter how cut up it was you still looked so beautiful. 

“No.” The doctor spoke. 

“So then, I guess that’s the only thing to do right?”

I mumbled, small hiccups escaping my throat as the doctor nodded in agreement, leaving me in the room with you alone for a few more minutes. 

I felt numb when I heard that long agonizing beep, couldn’t feel anything but tickling tears rolling down my cheek as I looked at your face.

I could hear faint sounds of your roommate crying, along with our babies cries ringing in my ear, but I couldn’t do anything— I couldn’t move, I couldn’t talk, I was shattered. 

I love you y/n. I will love you forever, and the day that I die, I’ll look for you, and only you.

May 30th, 6:46 pm (4 years later) - interminable

Happy anniversary y/n

it’s been 9 years since I asked to be your boyfriend haha time flies so fast doesn’t it?

Oh, our precious baby girl is 5 years old now, whatttt.

She loves you so much, always ask for stories about her mom, wants to be a chef just like you. 

It’s funny because guess what? she hates watermelon smoothies too. She tried to lie, but I saw it in her face. Reminds you of someone huh? 

Yk I still remember laughing to myself every time I gave you those smoothies, you tried so hard to act like it was good, but I could tell.

I still listen to your voice messages, the ones you always told me that your laugh sounded ugly, remember? Well I think it sounds beautiful, your laugh never fails to crack me up. 

Oh and guess what? I have a surprise. Are you ready? you’re gonna be so happy.

I met Gordon Ramsey! Are you jealous lol? Don’t worry I bragged to him about you, he said you sounded lovely. It always amazes me how talented you are.

I know you’re smiling so hard aren’t you? You wouldn’t leave me for Gordon Ramsey right?

Wait also before you get mad at me, of course I still have the cookbook

And yes I still cook every recipe out of that book, even the one with the sauce that always made me fart, god you hated that one. 

I still think about you everyday 

And I still miss you so much

Like really really miss you. 

Y/n, I really really really fucking miss you 

And I still love you, I will never stop loving you. 

Happy anniversary.

I love you too Mark, happy anniversary.

So, yes you’re not here anymore, but he made a promise to you, and he kept it. You will always love him, and be there for him and watch over him and your child. You don't always need a body to live on, all you need is a heart, and as long as he's living, your heart resides with his. 

©mafiadad5

[remuslupingf]

Dustin, whose your friend?

E.M

Eddie Munson x shy!reader

word count: 2.2k

warnings: fluff, shy reader, anxious reader, nice eddie, clueless reader

Part II

You hadn’t been living in Hawkins long. Long enough for people to know to keep their distance. You were a shy person with only one friend in hawkins. Dustin henderson. The curly headed kid was nice and the only person who had welcomed you to Hawkins high. Despite being a freshman, he wasn’t scared to approach the new senior.

Dustin swore up and down that his friends in the hellfire club had been dying to meet you. He's been trying to convince you for months to sit with them at lunch and befriend some of the club. You’d told him excuse after excuse as to why you can’t sit with them. well. today he wasn’t having it.

“Hi guys! this is my friend i’ve been talking about! the one I always try to convince to eat with us.” Dustin says while dragging your arm, forcing you to sit beside him.

“Hi.” you say meekly while making eye contact with the club members around the table. Your eyes land on the boy at the head of the table. Eddie Munson. You quickly look down at your tray of food. His stare makes you nervous.

Eddie smiles to himself before saying “it’s nice to meet you, friend of Dustin.” The group laughs, the awkwardness fading.

The club goes back to making conversation like they were before you’d sat down. But Eddie kept sneaking glances at you. He's heard of you, the “new freak” as Jason liked to call you. If Jason didn’t like you, Eddie knew you were someone he wanted to know.

»»————-　★　————-««

He’d never approached you because you’d always seemed so upset at school. Like you wanted to be anywhere else. One time Eddie had seen you at the grocery store with your mother and little brother. You had the biggest smile on your face as you and your brother picked out some candy for your movie night. He saw your mother looking at her children with so much love.

Eddie knew then that you were someone he desperately wanted to be friends with. Just because you're shy doesn't mean you don't deserve to have any friends! Hey, he didn’t have any friends until 11th grade when he met Garrett.

Eddie thought you were devastatingly beautiful, you had hair that rivaled his and eyes that were deep and light at the same time, like you saw and knew everything the world had to offer. He wanted to sit and stare at you and call you sweet things so you’d blush and smile at him. He wanted to be friends. Yes, anything with you was good as long as he could speak to you.

»»————-　★　————-««

Throughout lunch the club had been asking you questions about yourself, where you had moved from, have you ever played dnd, and things like that. You were so shy you kept your eyes on your food. You felt bad but you were outside of your comfort zone.

After lunch, you were dumping your tray in the trash when you felt someone behind you. You quickly move out of the way, set your tray down and walk to your locker to get your books for your next class.

“Hey! Wait up!" Eddie calls as he catches up to you.

You turn, shocked that he had wanted to talk to you. Did you do something wrong? Did he not want you to sit with them again? Does he feel like you're stealing Dustin from him? All these thoughts went through your anxious mind while he caught up to where you were standing.

“Hey, I just wanted to check that you were feeling okay? Did we make you uncomfortable? I'll yell at the guys if they did anything." Eddie says to you, bending, trying to catch your shy gaze.

"Oh… no, they didn’t say anything. I'm just a shy person. I'm sorry if I made it uncomfortable. I won't sit with you guys again.” you mumble, turning around to walk away.

“Wait a second,” Eddie says while reaching out for your arm. “You didn’t do anything, I swear. I just wanted to be the one to invite you back to sit with us tomorrow! but only if you want to! You don’t have to be friends with us just because Dustin is. we’d love to have you! no pressure though.” he says to you in a sweet, soft tone as to not make you scared of him. He knows he can be too much and freak people out.

You just stand there and gape at him. He's kidding right? you didn’t even contribute to the conversation! Maybe he really is in a cult and trying to recruit people. even if that person is a weird girl who has no friends and sits alone. why would he want her to join his cult-

“You can say no.” Eddie cut off your train of thought. “I won't be offended, I promise.” Eddie says, nervous that your silence means you’re scared of him.

“Um… sure. I'll see you tomorrow eddie.” you say, giving him a small smile and walking away. Why is your heart beating so fast? It has to be because you’ve never had a conversation with a boy other than Dustin, for longer than a minute. you were just nervous right? you hope that’s why you’re out of breath.

»»————-　★　————-««

“Baby! Dustin’s on the phone for you!” Your mother shouts up the stairs. You hop off your bed, wearing your comfy pajama pants that you had to cuff so they fit properly, and your chunky cardigan. You race downstairs and take the phone from your mother.

“Hey Dusty what’s up?” you ask, leaning against the wall while your eyes drift to what your moms making for dinner.

“Hey! i just wanted to tell you that you’re officially invited to sit with us at lunch until the end of time.” he says in a dramatic voice.

You huff out a laugh, “thanks, but Eddie already personally invited me.” you brag. only Dustin can bring out the smugness in you

“Okay Mrs. Popular! had no idea that he would do that, especially with how he can’t shut up about you.” Dustin says in a sing-song voice.

“WHAT.” you shout into the phone, making your mother drop the knife she was chopping onions with. “sorry.” you mumble to her, turning your attention back to dustin.

“Yeah, he won’t shut up about how pretty your hair was today or something. He wants to know what shampoo you use by the way, but says he can’t get as much volume as yours has.” Dustin laughs.

You’re mortified, he was looking at you? Noticing you? Talking about you? What was in the air today?

“What else has he been saying?” you speak into the phone, whispering so your mom doesn’t hear. she hears anyway, trying desperately to hear what your friend on the other end of the phone was saying.

“He said something about your perfume, I don't know. He was mostly rambling. I didn't catch much.” Dustin admits.

What the hell could Eddie Munson be thinking about you? thinking about you so much after one day of knowing him? You try to slow your heartbeat but you know the blush on your face is giving you away. You’d better go before you get so flustered that you wish for the ground to open up and swallow you.

“Sorry dusty I gotta go finish my english essay, i’ll see you tomorrow okay?” you tell him.

“Yeah! sure no problem! see you tomorrow!” he says and hangs up. You take a second to hook the phone on the wall, thinking about the conversation you just had. This is definitely too good to be true. right?

“So,” your mom says, smirking. “Who was that?”

“Oh! no one! just my friend dustin. I sat with him and his friends at lunch today.

“And, how’d it go?” Your mom asks, curiously. She knows you don’t have many friends, and how hard it is for you to open up.

“It went okay, they asked me if I'd like to sit with them again tomorrow. I think I'll say yes.” you smile sheepishly.

“That's great honey! I'm so happy for you! you’ll have to tell me all about it. And this mystery boy.” she laughs, seeing how red your face went.

“I gotta go finish my homework.” you say before racing back to your room. What the hell was going on today? You sit on your bed, looking in the mirror across your room. “Hopefully tomorrow I won't embarrass myself,” you say outloud to yourself.

»»————-　★　————-««

You did. You embarrassed the shit out of yourself. First, you tripped over your own feet when you saw Eddie walking to his locker this morning. Then you walked into the wall when he caught your eye in the hallway between classes. And to top it all off, you choked on your sandwich when he sent a wink your way after making a joke at Dustin’s expense. 

You had made a fool out of yourself and you hadn't even known him for 48 hours. You shared history class with him, and today when he walked in, he stood there glaring at your desk partner until they got the message and moved seats. He sat down  beside you with a grin on his face. 

“Good morning. How'd you sleep? Dream of me?” He asked with a cocky smirk that had you squeezing your thighs together.

“F-fine.” You stammered, nervous under his gaze. You were seriously starting to wonder if this was a prank. Why would he ask if you've dreamt about him? I mean you had but why would he want you to?

The period passed slowly, with him whispering jokes in your ear, doodling on your hand, and unashamedly flirting with you. Your face was beet red at the end of the hour and your palm hurt from how hard your nails had been biting into the flesh there. He knew he made you nervous. He had some kind of power over you. You were immune to his words and his honey sweet voice whispering in your ear. You needed today to be over.

»»————-　★　————-««

When the final bell had rang, you were at your locker packing up your things. Tring to remember which subjects you had homework for, so you can bring the right books home. You're putting your biology textbook in your bag when you feel a tap on your shoulder. 

Assuming it's Dustin, you say “Not today Dusty. I've had a stressful day, maybe this weekend we can work on it.”

“Work on what?” A voice who is not Dustin replies. You whirl around, coming face to face with Eddie. Just who she wanted to get away from.

“Oh! Um, me and Dustin have been working on an idea he had for a new dnd character. I was just helping him with the name and stuff.” You mumble, scuffing the toe of your boot on the linoleum floor. 

“That's cool! Hey, I was wondering if you wanted a ride home? I noticed that you walked home and wanted to offer my awesome driving services.” He smiles at you, with his big puppy dog eyes.

“I'm okay Eddie, but thank you.” You smile up at him, hoping he’ll start making his way to his van. What you weren't expecting was him to take your hand, and have the biggest pout you've ever seen.

“Why not? Do I make you uncomfortable? I've been flirting with you and making you blush like crazy. I don't know, maybe I'm reading things wrong but I think you like me. I know I like you.” This is the first time you've seen him nervous, like he expects to be rejected. You feel your heart seize. Maybe he wasn't sending mixed messages, you were. Of course he liked you. Any idiot could see that.

Eddie didn't make you uncomfortable at all! You were so shy that any form of attention made you nervous, no matter if you liked him or not. Of course you liked him! You'd be stupid not to.

“I'm sorry Eddie. I didn't realize that maybe I was being confusing. I do like you. It's weird. Yesterday we had never spoken, now I feel like I've known you forever. If you'll still have me, even after I've unknowingly been rejecting you all day, I'd like for you to drive me home.” you admit while smiling up at him, trying to convey what you feel with your eyes.

“Sweetheart, why didn't you just say that! Plus I like girls who play hard to get so it wasn't too bad.” He winks at you while putting his arm around your shoulders, guiding you to his van. 

He helps you up into the passenger side and jogs over to the drivers side and hops in. He smiles at you and starts the engine, pulling out of the parking lot. 

“Alright doll, before we start anything serious,” He says in a playful voice, “Why the hell did you let Henderson introduce you to dnd and not me? I'm the master babe, literally.” He wiggles his eyebrows making you laugh. 

»»————-　★　————-««

Your first date is spent at his kitchen table, him slowly explaining the rules to you while you take notes, hoping that on your second date you'll get to play with hellfire.

“I’ll go easy on you for your first campaign, but those other idiots…” He grins at you, withholding his sadistic campaign plan he has in store. 

[sativaonsaturn]

the signs in love (songs for the signs pt.2)

(check venus, moon, mars, lilith, juno!)

aries/ 1st house (a steadfast love): Love On the Brain by Rihanna (who has an aries venus)

“So you can put me together/ And throw me against the wall”

“baby I'm fist fighting with fire/ Just to get close to you”

“Don't you stop loving me/ Don't quit loving me”

taurus/ 2nd house (a strong, steady love): Real Woman by PartyNextDoor (who has a taurus venus)

“Give her what she want/ Give me just what I want”

“Last night, we were sippin' Henny and now we doin' deals”

“I'm lockin' it in 'til the very end”

“Shawty met a boss like me and put a hundred down on a condo downtown with me”

gemini/ 3rd house (an expressive, exciting love): Houdini by Dua Lipa (whose lilith is in gemini)

“I come and I go/ Tell me all the ways you need me/ I'm not here for long”

“If you're good enough, you'll find a way/ Maybe you could cause a girl to change”

“Everything you say is soundin' so sweet/ But do you practise everything that you preach?”

cancer/ 4th house (a warm, comforting love): Every Kind of Way by HER (who has a cancer venus)

“You're here with me/ Boy, it don't get no better than you”

“I wanna love you in every kind of way/ I wanna please you, no matter how long it takes”

“If the world should end tomorrow and we only have today/ I'm gonna love you in every kind of way”

leo/ 5th house (a passionate love): Part II (On the Run) by Jay Z & Beyoncé (her w/ a leo mars)

“I don't care if we on the run/ Baby, 'long as I'm next to you”

“And if loving you is a crime/ Tell me why do I bring out the best in you?”

“I don't care if they give me life, I get all of my life from you/ And if loving you had a price I would pay my life for you”

virgo/ 6th house (a considerate love): My Love Mine All Mine by Mitski (who has a virgo venus)

“Moon, tell me if I could send up my heart to you/ So, when I die, which I must do could it shine down here with you?”

“My baby, here on earth/ Showed me what my heart was worth”

“Nothing in the world is mine for free/ But my love mine, all mine, all mine”

libra/ 7th house (a storybook love): Adorn by Miguel (who has a libra mars)

“Just let my love adorn you”

“Baby, these fists will always protect ya”

“Whole world's in your eyes (when I look in your eyes, baby)”

scorpio/ 8th house (an all-consuming love): Work Song by Hozier (his scorpio lilith in 8th reminds me of this)

“No grave can hold my body down, I’ll crawl home to her”

“But I swear I thought I dreamed her/ She never asked me once about the wrong I did”

“If the Lord don’t forgive me, I’d still have my baby and my babe would have me”

sagittarius/ 9th house (a thrilling love): Lowkey by Teyana Taylor (whose venus is in sag)

“If I let you, would you make a move?”

“I want it but this ain't the right time/ But, damnit, you're so fine”

“Runnin' and runnin', ain't runnin' from love/ I'm so willin' to give it a try”

capricorn/ 10th house (a serious love): You Don’t Know My Name by Alicia Keys (who has a capricorn venus)

“There's something special 'bout you, I must really like you/ 'Cause not a lotta guys are worth my time”

“I see us on our first date/ You're doin' everything that makes me smile”

“Doin' more than I've ever done for anyone's attention/ Take notice of what's in front of you”

aquarius/ 11th house (a rebellious/ unconventional love): Take Me to Church by Hozier (who has an aquarius venus)

“My lover’s got humor/ She’s the giggle at a funeral”

“Knows everybody’s disapproval/ Should’ve worshipped her sooner”

“We were born sick, heard them say it/ I was born sick but I love it”

“If I’m a pagan of the good times/ My lover’s the sunlight”

pisces/12th house (a longing love): Blessed by Daniel Caesar (who has a pisces venus)

“I don’t wanna be there, don’t wanna be anywhere/ Anyplace that I can’t feel you, I just wanna be near you”

“Sometimes it gets unhealthy/ We can’t be by ourselves, we will always need each other”

“When I go, I don’t stay gone for long”

bonus:

venus in 4th (a committed love): positions by Ariana Grande (who is a cancer sun)

“Boy, I’m tryna meet your mama on a Sunday”

“Switchin the positions for you/ I’m in the Olympics way I’m jumping through hoops”

“Know my love infinite, nothing I wouldn’t do”

sativaonsaturn 🍃🪐

[fortheloveofwonderland]

Rusty | Chapter 9 | S.R

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter Summary - You and Spencer embark on a night on the town and things grow awkward fast when you met a handsome stranger. Spencer’s jealousy leaves him determined to show what he’s capable of. But even that doesn’t go quite to plan.

Pairing - Spencer Reid / Fem! Reader

Category - strangers to friends to lovers | angst | smut minors DNI

Warnings - drinking, smoking, making out, swearing, jealous Spencer, tears, mild argument, erectile issues, fingering, titty sucking, coming untouched, coming in pants, vomit, build up to dissociation.

WC - 6.3k

Chapter 9 - A Cowboys Cowgirl

Spencer sat on the porch as the sun dipped beneath the horizon, jabbing his finger at the screen of his new phone. It had no buttons, just a large touchscreen. It unlocked by reading his face and didn’t have the same kind of tactile quality he was used to in a phone. 

Unfortunately, they simply didn’t make devices like his old one and he’d had to settle for this iPhone, for which he had no idea how to use. 

You’d somehow managed to sort it so it could keep the same number and magically transferred all of his existing contacts onto it. It all went over Spencer’s head and he stopped questioning it. 

Now he was attempting to send Garcia a text message after receiving one from her, positively disbelieving he had spoken to both Luke and Morgan but wouldn’t answer her calls. 

It took him nearly twenty minutes to write a reply, his fingers not dexterous enough to figure out the touch screen keyboard. As he finally corrected all of the spelling mistakes and hit send, he heard the door to your lodge open. 

He was hesitant to go along with you to the 11th Street Bar for multiple reasons. For starters, bars were not fun when sober, not that he’d ever particularly enjoyed them when he did drink either. Then there was the fact that in two years he’d never interacted with these people and according to you they already thought him rude. He didn’t like socialising, why could no one understand that? 

He pushed himself up from the chair, his knee aching slightly but the pain was lessening. You locked the door to the lodge before gliding down the stairs and down the path until you were closing in on him.

It was only when you were in front of him that he could fully appreciate you and he felt a lump begin to form in his throat as he took you in. You wore a floral, off the shoulder dress which stopped at your knees and showed more skin than he ever dreamed of seeing. Pairing it with your red riding boots and you looked almost like a local, the epitome of a cowgirl.

You also looked absolutely ravishing. Spencer’s raging heart was trying to beat its way out of his chest to show you exactly how divine he thought you looked. But his slack jaw and wide eyes said enough and you blanched a little, tilting your head to the side.

“What?” You scuffed your boot in the dirt. “Never seen a genu-wine cowgirl before?” You impersonated a southern drawl. 

“I…I, uh…” he cleared his throat. “Sorry, you just…you look…jeez Y/N.” 

You giggled at his inability to form a coherent sentence. You had rendered him speechless. 

“Well you know, I want to fit in around these parts.” You swung your hips side to side, the dress billowing around you as you did so. “Don’t look so bad yourself, stud.” 

Spencer felt his cheeks flush red, the heat quickly spreading down his neck. He still wore his black jeans, the ones he’d noticed you checking him out in yesterday. He also dusted off an old button down from back in his BAU days, in a dark purple colour. 

He tucked it into his jeans and left the top few buttons undone. He spent a long time taming his hair and forewent a stetson once he was happy with how it looked. 

“Uh, thanks.” He rolled his lip between his teeth. 

“Gonna make being friends with you real hard if you keep looking at me like that.” You smirked at him, still impersonating that thick Texas twang. 

“Just get in the car, okay?” He shook his head, trying to ignore the way your outfit made him quiver. 

You hid your amusement by turning towards the car, Spencer following behind. You paused at the driver’s door.

“Just gotta grab something from the trunk, jump in.” You called over the hood and Spencer nodded before cautiously sliding into the passenger’s seat. 

Once he closed his door you sidled around to the trunk and opened it. You glanced up through the car to make sure he wasn’t looking before you lifted the trunk lining.

Hidden away in the empty shell that had once held a spare tyre was a black duffle bag. You quickly unzipped, revealing the wads and wads of bills concealed inside. You grabbed a couple of twenties and folded them, stuffed them in the side of your left boot before zipping the bag and secreting it back away under the trunk lining. 

Soon you were hurrying around to the driver’s seat like nothing had happened. 

***

The discomfort distended to every single one of his nerve endings the moment the two of you stepped inside the 11th Street Bar. The place was packed and all eyes were instantly on you. 

As you sauntered inside you were met by wolf whistles and catcalls and it made Spencer feel incredibly protective of you even though it wasn’t his place. 

He watched their hungry gazes linger on your bare legs and bare shoulders and move onto your clothed breasts and backside. 

It made a pit form in his chest, more so when you sent smiles and winks across the room in various directions. 

He wanted to blanket you, both physically and metaphorically. He wanted those animals to stop staring at you this way. He wanted you to stop enjoying the attention so much. 

He followed you like a stray dog towards the bar, where you leaned on the counter, no doubt giving the balding bartender an eyeful of your cleavage.

“Well looky here, if it ain’t Miss Lizzie come back to join us.” The old man hissed as he spoke. “Lookin’ mighty fine tonight if I do say so too.” 

“What, this old thing?” You glanced down at your dress before waving a dismissive hand at him. 

Spencer felt more out of place than he ever had done in his life. This was quite honestly the last place he ever wanted to be. 

Sensing the presence hovering behind you, the bartenders gaze lifted over your head to where Spencer awkwardly stood.

“And if it isn’t Cosmo, gracing us with his presence.” The older man scoffed. “Nice of you to finally show your face round here.”

Spencer swallowed, chewing on his lip. 

“His names, Spencer and be nice.” You clucked. “Spencer, this is Cole.” 

“What can I get ya missy?” Cole ignored the introduction and looked back at you. “No more of my home brew I hope.” 

“Definitely not.” You shook your head. “I will take a shot of tequila and a beer though.” 

“What’ll you have, Cosmo?” His eyes shot back up to Spencer. 

“Uh, a ginger ale?” He posed it as a question. 

Cole pulled a face of disdain and shook his head. 

“Ain’t ever met a sober cowboy in all my life.” Cole muttered, turning away to get your drinks. 

You felt Spencer’s hand on your shoulder, turning you to face him. 

“I hate it here.” He whined. “Can’t we just go home and you can drink that bottle of scotch?” 

“I want to stay. I like it here. You can go if you want.” You shrugged, turning back to face the bar. 

Turning your back on him. You were turning your back on him.

“You think I’m going to leave you here with all these creeps staring at you?” He moved closer to you, his chest pressed into your back and he spoke against the shell of your ear. “There is not a man in this bar who doesn’t want to sleep with you.” 

“Hmm,” you hummed, not turning back to him. “Might just be some guys lucky night then.” 

Spencer felt the pit in his stomach grow larger, his heart practically falling into the open chasm. He put his hand on your shoulder again, skin against skin, and spun you slightly roughly back to look at him.

“Don’t make jokes like that.” He growled. 

“Who’s joking?” You shook him off with a frown of impatience. “Just because you don’t want to bed me, doesn’t mean someone else can’t, Cosmo.” 

Spencer’s mouth fell open, somewhat hurt at your crude summation of your fleeting relationship. Is that really what you thought? Did you really believe he didn’t want to? If only it were that simple.

He wished he didn’t want you so much. It would be far easier for him to not want you with a white hot desire. It had nothing to do with not wanting you, he just couldn’t have you. Not in that way. 

When he couldn’t form any words of response, you spoke again, folding your arms over your chest.

“We’re just friends, Spencer. You made that perfectly clear. So as far as I’m concerned, I can do whatever the hell I want. You wanna hang around? Fine. You wanna go home? Also fine. But I’m staying.” You spat, once again turning your back on him as Cole brought your drinks back over. 

You were quick to down the tequila before thanking him with a flirtatious smile and paying him with a bill from inside your boot. You practically shoved Spencer’s ginger ale into his hand before brushing past him with your beer. 

Cole was looking at him, an odd expression on his features. Spencer felt uncomfortable under his gaze. 

“Girl’s a heartbreaker.” Cole shrugged after a while. “Knew it the minute I laid eyes on ‘er. Careful how you tread there.” 

With those sage words, Cole was walking away to serve his next customer, leaving Spencer reeling. 

***

Two hours later Spencer had procured a table for himself but you wouldn’t stay still long enough to join him. The more tequila you drank, the more energy you seemed to have and you appeared to talk to everyone in the bar but him. 

He was still nursing the same ginger ale, feeling much like a spare part. He deliberately missed two calls from Luke, staring at the device as it rang in his hand. He’d hoped after they spoke yesterday Luke would stop with the incessant phone calls. Spencer had half a mind to block his number. He didn’t want it to come to that, but something had to give. 

He ignored his phone after a while and watched the way you worked the room. The whole bar was eating out of the palm of your hand, hanging off you every word. You were undeniably in your element. 

And it only went to further Spencer’s belief that the two of you were from completely different worlds. 

***

You lit a cigarette and meandered out the back of the bar for some fresh air, which you didn’t miss the irony of. The large rear garden of the 11th Street establishment was about five times the size of the inside, with a stage at one end and even an outside bar. 

You leaned up against the nearest wall, the tequila pulsing through your veins and offering you that blissful tipsy sensation. You sucked on the cigarette and observed the goings on around you. 

You’d managed to hide yourself in plain sight. No one would ever think to look for you in this little backwoods town. You’d taken all the necessary precautions, didn’t leave a paper trail. 

The car parked outside was the fourth you’d stolen on your journey. Take one, drive it for a distance, abandon it and then find another far enough away from the first they wouldn’t be tied together. 

You’d picked up this car just outside of Shreveport, Louisiana. You’d broken into a junkyard for this particular vehicle as it was likely they may never notice it was missing. You changed the plates just in case. 

The money in the trunk had been procured from your mother’s safe which not even her scumbag second husband knew about. She’d kept the nest egg of cash ever since you were a little girl and only you knew the combination.

“It’s for a rainy day, Y/N. One day I won’t be around anymore and I want to make sure you have everything you could ever need.” 

It was as though she’d envisioned something bad happening to her. When she married the second time, he’d convinced her to put all of her savings into a bank account under his name effectively meaning you’d never see a dime. 

But he didn’t know about the safe. 

You’d taken a bunch of your late mother’s clothes too, brought a few more items with the cash, including the dress you wore now. Only ever cash, couldn’t leave a trail. 

Bandera might not have been your first choice of hideout but you couldn’t deny it had its perks, and you were certain no one would ever find you here. 

And if they did, you would simply run again. 

You took another drag on the cigarette as a tall, dark and handsome stranger headed your way. Although on closer inspection he wasn’t entirely a stranger to you. 

The man wore all blue denim, a large eagle on his belt buckle, bolo tie and black stetson. He was smiling at you as he approached. 

“Hey there little lady,” he stopped in front of you, hands on his hips. “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”

“You work at Busbees? I think I saw you there yesterday.” You batted your eyelashes at him.

“Oh, you’re the big tipper.” He chuckled. “I never forget a big tipper. Or a pretty face.” 

“Elizabeth.” You held out your hand.

“Charmed,” he took your hand, brought it to his lips and kissed your knuckles. “Grant.” 

Without warning he plucked your cigarette from your fingers and took a long drag on it. He sucked in the smoke and spoke again as he exhaled it.

“Things’ll kill ya.” He chuckled. 

“Live fast, die young.” You shrugged. 

“Leave a good lookin’ corpse?” He laughed too, a deep, vibrating sound.

“Certainly appealing.” You agreed.

He took another drag on the cigarette before placing it back between your lips. His thumb brushed along your bottom lip as he did so. It lingered there for a moment or two, while you took your own drag.

Removing it from your mouth, you held it between your fingers as you blew smoke over his head. You leaned further back against the wall, puffing your chest out. He took a step closer to you and you didn’t mind at all. 

You caught the scent of a musky cologne as he drew closer. 

“I don’t mean to forward ma’am but you are hotter than a firecracker that’s been lit at both ends.” His lip quipped into a smirk. 

You shuddered, the hunger in his eyes causing your legs to shake. You inhaled sharply as his hand came to rest on your cheek. 

“Imma kiss you now, if that’s okay with you, little lady?” 

You whimpered but couldn’t speak, so instead you nodded. Grant chuckled as he leaned in closer. His lips soon crashed against yours, his whole body pinning you to the wall. 

You dropped the forgotten cigarette on the floor and wrapped your arms around his neck. He kissed you fiercely, deeply. Your legs trembled at the sensation. 

His hand that wasn’t on your face ran up your thigh and you moaned into his lips. And Spencer Reid was the furthest thing from your mind. 

***

Spencer finally decided he’d had enough when two old twins who called themselves Boone and Butch invited themselves to sit with him. They proceeded to mock him on everything from his clothes, his hair, his accent, even his ‘city boy good looks’. He’d eventually excused himself to go in search of you. 

The bar was small and it only took a few minutes to ascertain you weren’t inside. He pushed his way out the back door and breathed in the fresh air. It took only moments to find you, pressed up against a wall by another body who was kissing you with force.

One hand was on your thigh, beneath your dress and Spencer swore his blood froze in his veins. His brain must have short circuited because normally he wouldn’t have been so bold as to square up to a man of his size, but he found himself marching over and grabbing the large shoulder of the man kissing you and tugging him backwards.

“What the hell are you doing?” Spencer raised his voice, glaring at you and your kiss swollen lips. 

You wiped the back of your hand over your mouth, chest heaving. 

“What am I doing? What are you doing?” You spat. “What the fuck is your problem?” 

“Spencer?” The man spoke up, looking between you and him in heavy confusion. 

Spencer tensed, slowly turning back to face the man whose lips were equally as puffy as yours. He hadn’t recognised him by the back of his head and now he wanted the ground to swallow him whole.

“G-Grant?” Spencer croaked.

“You know each other?” You took a step away from the wall. “I didn’t think you had any friends around here?” 

“We’re not friends.” Grant spat, folding his muscular arms over his broad chest. “How do you know each other?”

“I asked first.” You cocked your head to the side. 

Spencer was unable to speak, paralysed by the unfortunate situation he had found himself in.

“He asked me on a date and stood me up.” Grant hissed. 

“Oh…oh.” You looked between both men. “Well this is sufficiently awkward. Looks like we have the same taste in men, Spence.” 

Spencer reddened, averting his gaze to the floor and wanting to crawl into a dark crevice somewhere and never come out. 

“Are you two…?” Grant frowned at the two of you. 

“Friends.” You finished for him. “Isn’t that right, Spencer. We’re just friends. Which is why you had no right to march over here and tear us apart.” 

“I really don’t want to be a part of this conversation.” Spencer mumbled to the floor.

“Maybe you should have thought of that before you interfered. Why, Spencer? Why did you interrupt us?” You took a step closer to him. 

“Please,” he looked back at you, eyes full of torment. “Please can we not do this here.” 

“I ain’t looking to step on any toes, I didn’t realise y’all were-”

“Friends.” You barked, cutting Grant off. “We’re fucking friends.” 

Without warning you shoved Spencer backwards by his shoulders, the sudden touch causing him to flinch. But you didn’t notice it because you were already storming away. Spencer huffed out a breath and dared to glance at Grant who was looking at him in something close to pity. 

“If I were you,” Grant clapped a hand on Spencer’s shoulder, again causing him to recoil. “I’d go after her.”

“Duly noted.” Spencer groaned. “But can I just say…” he trailed off for a moment to gather his thoughts. “I should have apologised. I really am sorry for standing you up. I got here and I just couldn’t make it inside. I wanted to, I really did. But, uh, I’m honestly terrible at dating and I freaked myself out. I should have apologised, I wish I had. And I’m sorry.” 

Grant inhaled sharply through his nose, clearly not expecting that from him. He let his arms fall to his sides and offered Spencer a melancholy smile.

“You hush your mouth, it's water under the bridge.” He shrugged his broad shoulders. “Listen ‘ere Spencer. There ain’t a pot too crooked that a lid won’t fit, you get me?”

“Not in the slightest.” Spencer shook his head.

Grant chortled deeply, slapping his palm on his knee while Spencer simply stared at him, brows pinched. 

“Layman's terms: there’s somebody out there for everyone. Don’t you go thinking there ain’t. Whatever it is you been through, ‘cos you have been through somethin’, don’t write yourself off. Go after your lady.” He patted Spencer’s shoulder again and Spencer winced. 

He wanted to argue with Grant but it was completely pointless. Instead he forced a smile and nodded before turning on his heels. 

He made it back out the front of the bar without incident and found you kicking around the dirt with the toe of your boot. 

“You don’t get to do this.” You spat, arms wrapped around your body like a shield. “If you want me you can have me. If you don’t let me go.” 

Spencer shuffled down the front steps, ambling towards you. 

“I really wish it were that simple.” He reached you and cupped your jaw in his good hand, leaning in and resting his forehead against yours. “I want you but I can’t give you everything, there’s a huge part of me I just can’t give you. And you deserve the whole world, Y/N. I want you to have it all. But selfishly I don’t want you to have that with another man.” 

“Why don’t you let me be the judge of what I do or do not deserve? Spencer, I didn’t want to kiss that guy. I did it because I wanted a rise out of you. I want you to want me.” You felt tears spring to your eyes. 

“Let me be clear here,” he moved his hand to your cheek. “I have wanted you since the moment I laid eyes on you. This has nothing to do with that.”

“I’ve never felt like this about someone before.” You confessed. “And I barely know anything about you. I don’t care if you can’t tell me your life story, I don’t even care if you don’t want to have sex with me! I just want…I want someone to care.” 

A few tears escaped your eyes and Spencer brushed them away with his thumb. His breath was hot on your face and his forehead was a little sweaty against yours. 

“I do care,” he admitted. “Too much considering I barely know you either. I don’t want you making out with other guys. But it’s unfair of me to ask that of you.” 

“Spencer?” You whispered. 

“Yes, Y/N?” He replied in equally hushed tones. 

“Do you have any kind of proclivity towards me making out with you?” 

He hissed, his body quaking at the mere thought. 

“Right now?” He breathed. “I have an extreme proclivity towards it.” 

And then his lips were on yours, chapped and rough just as you remembered. His tongue was quickly plunging into your mouth and he held you so close as though afraid you would disappear. 

It grew exceptionally heated in a matter of seconds and you wanted to tear all of his clothes off right there in the middle of the street. He guided you back towards your car without breaking the kiss and soon you felt your back pressing against the side of the vehicle. 

When he did end the kiss, his pupils were blown out wide with lust. 

Not another word was shared between you. You handed him the keys silently and you both climbed into the car. In the passenger’s seat you had to clamp your thighs together as a heat spread through you. 

You hoped that by the time you made it back to the ranch he hadn’t let himself overthink this.

***

He tensed up when he invited you into his lodge, hands shaking as he opened the door and closed it behind him. His nerves were written all over his face. 

He slowly moved closer to you, once again cupping your cheek in his hand in such a delicate manner. 

“I want to make you feel good.” He whispered as his lips ghosted over your own. “The way you made me feel the other night.”

You whimpered at the thought, desperate for any kind of pleasure he wanted to bestow upon you. 

“P-please?” You whined as his hand slipped into your hair. 

“I just, uh…you don’t need…I don’t need you to, uh, return the favour? So don’t…” he trailed off, frowning at himself. 

Don’t touch me, you heard the underlying words.

“Okay.” You nodded. “If that’s what you want.” 

“Thank you. I think I just need to…test my boundaries if that makes sense?” He whispered before pressing his lips against you again. 

“Hmm,” you mumbled into his lips. “Boundaries. Sure.” 

He led you towards his bedroom blindly, holding out his casted arm so as not to bump into anything. He kicked the door closed behind him before toeing off his boots. You did the same. 

He tore his lips away from yours and ran his fingers down the fabric of your dress before stopping at the hem. You nodded, giving him the green light to proceed.

You had to help him remove the garment as he only had the use of one hand. Together you got it over your head before tossing it on the floor. 

He made a whining sound between parted lips when he cast his eyes upon your body, clad only in a pair of lace panties. 

His jaw clenched and you noticed it. You smiled at him, beckoning him closer with a curl of your finger. You kissed him again and moved your hands to the buttons of his shirt but stopped before you could undo any of them. 

You weren’t sure if he meant he didn’t want you touching him at all and you didn’t want to risk this ending before it could begin so you moved your hands away. 

Spencer led you backwards again and then laid you gently on the bed. He stood over you for a moment, eyes wandering almost lazily up and down your torso. 

Swallowing a lump in his throat to stave off any fears, he started on his own buttons, again not the easiest feat with only one hand. Once undone he dropped the shirt to the floor leaving him in a t-shirt, but he didn’t seem in a hurry to remove that. 

The bandage still remained snug against his bicep, peeking out from beneath the sleeve of his tee. His purple cast started at the crook of his arm, only allowing a sliver of left limb to be revealed to you. 

He did however pop the button on his jeans and shimmy them down his legs. You noticed a matching bandage on his thigh, you could only hazard a guess it was shielding wounds that were created by his own hand. 

You tried not to look too long and let your gaze flick to his tight fitting underwear. There was a slight tenting within, but it was apparent he hadn’t reached full tumescence, maybe not even half. 

His cheeks reddened as he noticed your slightly sad gaze on his crotch and he quickly climbed on top of you and stroked your cheek.

“It’s not you.” He insisted, kissing you again. “I swear to you, it isn’t you. It doesn’t always…do as it should.”

You didn’t really know what to say to that so you said nothing, opting to kiss him deeper instead. 

He was trying to view it like an experiment without sounding too clinical. He wanted to gauge his boundaries, figure out how far he could push himself without crumbling. And with any luck over time those frontiers might expand to cover more ground. 

His hand wandered your body in a vain attempt to recreate the pleasure you’d given him. His fingers brushed across your collarbones a few times before dipping between your breasts, across your sternum. 

He palmed the swell of your left breast, fingers swiping out to ghost over your hardened peek. You moaned into his lips, bucking your hips against him at the sensation. 

He did it again and elicited much the same reaction before doing the same to your other breast. You hummed into his mouth, writhing beneath him. 

His own hips rutted against your leg and he was certainly getting harder. He didn’t let himself focus on his own arousal though, this was all about you.

And who knows, if he managed to take this step he may be able to take others too. 

His fingers wisped down your torso, hand splaying out across the planes of your stomach. It travelled left towards your hip and his soft touch caused goosebumps to erupt beneath your flesh. 

The fingers brushed over the waistband of your panties, down towards your thigh. He could feel the heat emanating from between your legs and he had to pull back from your lips to let a feral moan escape him. 

He let his fingers brush over the fabric of your underwear and you wriggled under him. 

“More.” You whined, the same way he had done to you. 

He kissed you again as he toyed with them, teasing you in a way that he could tell was driving you wild. 

He let his fingers dance between your legs, feeling the soaked material and moaning again. He couldn’t resist any longer, he was desperate to feel you. He also worried if he took too long he might change his mind entirely. 

He pushed the fabric aside and dared let his nimble fingers glide between your folds. He bucked against your leg and moaned into your mouth. He was fully erect now, you could feel it as he grinded against you. 

His lips had slipped from yours in lieu of sucking on your neck, teeth nibbling against your skin. The friction caused by his stubble tingled and stung in the most intoxicating way. 

His fingers brushed back and forth between your legs as though he wanted to collect every tiny drop of your arousal. 

You were whimpering, begging him for more without saying the word. And he must have read your mind because suddenly, with no warning, he plunged two fingers inside of you. 

You mewled at the welcome intrusion, back arching off of the bed and you swore you felt him smirk against your neck. 

His long, nimble digits thrust as deep as he could, until he was completely buried inside of you. He hissed against your neck, unable to remember the last time he’d been inside a woman like this. 

You clenched around his fingers, walls fluttering, tight and pulsing. It was such an unfamiliar yet conversant sensation. It caused a pinching in his stomach, a tightening in his chest. 

He remained still for several moments, breathing heavily into the crook of your neck, adjusting the overwhelming feeling that flooded his entire body. 

It was new yet well remembered; he was both a novice and well versed in his craft. 

You wriggled beneath him as he was still for so long you worried he was going to freak himself out. He raised his head from your neck so he could look at you. 

His eyes were brimming with emotions, lips curled into the softest smile. 

“Sorry,” he whispered. “Just a little overwhelmed by how amazing you feel.” 

You cupped his chin and brought him closer, placing a chaste kiss to his lips and mumbling, “more, please?” 

Spencer sucked in a deep breath and nodded. He curled his fingers inside of you, driving impossibly deeper inside of you and brushing against your cervix. 

A wanton moaned travelled from your mouth to Spencer’s and your thighs clamped around his hand. 

He withdrew his digits enough so he could plunge back inside of you, gently at first but after a few thrusts he got a little rougher. But judging by the sounds you were making, he was doing something very right. 

He continued with this rhythm, curling his fingers each time he pushed back inside of you, and each time he brushed against you, you shuddered beneath him. 

He started scissoring his fingers, pushing his fingers against your walls and finding it dizzying how your body bent to his will. He was continuously rutting against you, the friction it caused was delirious. 

His lips roamed across your collarbones, travelling further south. When his lips wrapped around your nipple your back arched off of the bed again and you whined. 

He sucked your nipple into his mouth, swiping his tongue over the swollen bud. He teased a third finger between your legs and your staggered breaths sounded out in delight. 

As he dove three fingers inside your weeping cunt at the same time his teeth grazed your nipple, you howled so loudly you wouldn’t be surprised if it could be heard from the stables. 

Spencer smiled to himself around your hardened peak, slightly disbelieving he could make anyone feel this good. 

He pumped three fingers into you, once again feeling the way you stretched around him. It was a heady feeling, and caused his cock to leak with precum. 

The sounds of your arousal as he continued his thrusts filled the room as well as a string of moans from your lips. 

He moved his lips to your neglected nipple and offered it the same treatment as the first. 

Your thighs clamped hard around his hand and you could feel your slick coating the inside of your thighs. Spencer was relentless in his ministrations, pitching in and out of you, stretching you and curling his fingers, ensuring to hit your sweet spot over and over again. 

He was rocking on top of you, his hardened member grinding against your leg. You could feel the wet patch forming in the front of his boxers and feel your own stomach starting to coil. 

You cautiously cupped his jaw, extracting his lips from their venture. When he looked at you his pupils were blown wide, lips swollen. 

You drew him by the chin for a kiss. It was messy and sloppy, teeth bumping together as tongues fought to explore each other's mouths. 

He could feel you tightening around his fingers, hoping that meant you were as close as he was. He continued to kiss you and plunge deeper, deeper, until you were trembling beneath him. 

“C-close…” you stuttered against his lips. “S-so close.” 

He moaned at the mere idea of making you come, increasing his speed with his thrusts, desperate to give you the pleasure you’d so easily given him. 

All at once the cords holding you both together snapped. With a final shuddering breath as you nibbled Spencer’s bottom lip, your walls tightened around his fingers as you gave over to wave after wave of pleasure.

You moaned his name under your breath as you came undone. The sound of his name on your tongue and the feeling of you coming around his digits pushed him over the edge. 

Still rocking against you, he came with a stifled moan, burying his head into the crook of your neck and breathing frantically. 

He withdrew his fingers and you whimpered at the loss of contact but you wrapped your arms around him all the same. 

Your hearts beat erratically against one another’s while you fought to catch your breaths.

All at once, Spencer came unravelled. With his eyes closed he could see them, hear them. 

“Are you…oh my god he’s fucking hard! He’s enjoying this!” 

“It’s not…stop it, please? Please? It’s n-normal.” 

“He’s enjoying it! Hah!”

“It’s a-adrenaline. It happens when we-we’re excited or scared. S-sexual arousal and fear a-arousal have many of the same bodily f…please stop!” 

He’d pushed too far. The boundaries he’d been trying to test were coming crumbling down around him. 

He felt like he couldn’t breathe. He felt like he was going to…

Oh fuck.

“Fuck,” he suddenly pushed himself up and rolled off the bed, ignoring the twang in his knee as he got to his feet. “Gonna…fuck I’m so sorry.” 

You watched him run to the bathroom through bleary eyes. He slammed the door closed behind himself and seconds later the sound of vomit hitting porcelain filled your ears along with Spencer’s retches. 

You slowly pushed yourself up, the post orgasm haze still heavy and you blinked several times.

“Uh,” you croaked. “Are you okay?” 

You were met with another horrid gagging sound. 

“I’m so sorry.” His shaky voice followed through the door. “This isn’t…it’s not you.” 

“Kinda hard to believe that right now.” You stood up on trembling legs and found your dress on the floor before throwing it back on. 

“I swear it’s not…I’m so sorry. I pushed too far, I wasn’t ready.” He was sobbing, choking. 

You rolled your lip between your teeth as tears welled behind your own eyes.

“It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have…I should go.” You swallowed.

“I’m so sorry.” He repeated. “I’m so, so sorry.” 

Inside the bathroom, hugging the toilet bowl, Spencer heard your footsteps get further away and then he heard the door. 

Tears streamed down his face and the wet patch in his boxers made his stomach turn again. He retched once, twice and then narrowly managed to turn his head back over the toilet before he vomited again. 

“Are you…oh my god he’s fucking hard! He’s enjoying this!” 

“It’s not…stop it, please? Please? It’s n-normal.” 

“He’s enjoying it! Hah!”

“It’s a-adrenaline. It happens when we-we’re excited or scared. S-sexual arousal and fear a-arousal have many of the same bodily f…please stop!” 

“I’m not whole.” He sobbed into the toilet, emptying his entire stomach contents. “I’m never going to be whole again.” 

He wailed, crying until his eyes were sore and he couldn’t see a hand in front of his face. He vomited until there was nothing left to come up. 

His whole body shook violently as he drew his legs to his body, ignoring the stickiness in his pants and the pain it caused his knee. He wrapped his good arm around his legs and rested his chin on his knees. 

The tears wouldn’t stop, they just kept coming. He snivelled and sobbed loudly and fitfully. His temples started to throb and a near blinding headache came out of nowhere. 

His vision grew hazier around the edges before it darkened. He’d been so focused on other variables he didn’t feel the rising anger in his chest. 

By the time he realised what was happening, it was too late. And it wasn’t at all a surprise when he awoke covered in blood once again. 

@kalulakunundrum @small-and-violent @voledart @katrina0-0 @bakugouswh0r3 @prettyboyandthefangirl @zooni92802 @marvellover1819 @babyspiderling

[retrogradepermaculture]

🌃Urban 🏙 Astro 🌉 Observations 🌇

☆ ♤ ☆ ♤ ☆ ♤ ☆ ♤ ☆ ♤ ☆ ♤ ☆ ♤ ☆ ♤ ☆ ♤ ☆ ♤ ☆ ♤ ☆ ♤ ☆ ♤

Astrology can massively influence how you interact with your environment, especially if you look at compass directions. By combining geolocational concepts with the info from your chart you can figure out the sources of bad energy in your life and find ways to neutralise them

Note: I swear this works! I have been doing these kinds of analysis/readings for a couple of years now since I went down a geolocational astrology wormhole and started testing stuff and also using tarot cards. Ofc your mileage may very but it can be very fun and intriguing so thought I would post.

Yes, geolocational astrology looks at your whole life. But this looks at the stuff that is affecting you *in the here and now*. Again, it's not as tested. But it has worked for me...

First - remember your ascendent points due east. Find it and then line your chart up with your space for the following observations. It's easy to do on your phone with a compass app.

🌸🌇🌸🌉🌸🌇🌸🌉🌸🌇🌸🌉🌸🌇🌸🌉🌸🌇🌸🌉🌸🌇🌸

🌐 Tall buildings, offices, and so on and so forth in line with your mercury can influence your intellectual life, keep you awake, or make you feel stressed. Add something calming and creative to this part of your space if so, like a plant, or artworks.

🌐 Rivers in line with any water sign in your chart can amplify the emotional energy of your space. This can either make it a refuge where you retreat from the world, alternatively it can become a place where you end up dwelling on your darker thoughts

🌐 Buildings in line with your ascendent (where the sun rises) can influence the development of your persona as you step out the door. Theatres, museums, and so on? You may be concerned with creative identity expression. Suburban housing? You might be more concerned with security and relationships.

🌐 What is in line with your fourth house? This can influence whether your space truly feels like yours. Train stations or roads? You might not feel like you can put down roots. Nature and the natural world? You may feel more prone to wanderlust than being a homebody.

🌐 There can be a subconscious element to the places in line with your pluto placement. Negative energy or energy not aligned with your temperament can lead to unconscious stress which manifests in your life. Alternatively these places may end up as the sites of serendipity or chance meetings in your life.

🌐 Ever feel like some places give you the creeps? Check what lines up with your scorpio. Sometimes this can colour our perceptions of the places around us.

🏙🏔🏙🏔🏙🏔🏙🏔🏙🏔🏙🏔🏙🏔🏙🏔🏙🏔🏙🏔🏙🏔🏙

🌐 Alternatively, do you live near any abandoned places? These can cause feelings of emptiness or alternatively curiousity depending on what they line up with. If they are in line with earth and water signs or the relevant planets these can amplify feelings of stagnation, listlessness in life, or rootlessness. These elements tend to be more receptive and passive and if there is a lot of dereliction in your area it can influence your amount of energy and internal drive in life. Alternatively those with strong mars placements or beneficial 9th, 10th, or 2nd house placements in general you can be protected from this and may even be one of the people who finds abandoned spots beautiful or haunting.

🌐 Windows, as portals to the outside world, can influence our moon sign, 9th, 10th, and 11th houses. The things that they look onto can become powerful draws for you intellectually or emotionally (the moon) evoking wistfulness and desire for that part of life. If you find yourself looking constantly out the window, this can play a part of it.

🌐 Do you live by the sea? If the coast/seascape aligns with your ascendant you may have less of a public persona and be more driven by your emotions, with greater sincerity. This can be especially powerful in an INFP personality type. This also counts for large bodies of water like Lake Michigan or big inland bays and estuaries (puget sound, seattle, thames estuary in the UK)

[arting-block]

I absolutely love your writing style & your 11th doctor fics 😊 I’m not sure what your opinions on writing poly ships are, but I’m a sucker for some fem reader x 11 and River, and was wondering if i could request something fluffy and sweet with reader thinking her feelings towards the both of them are unrequited due to River and the Doctor being together already, but of course relationships with the Doctors can always be so complicated so who says he has to love just one woman at a time, he’s got two hands for a reason 🙏❤️

𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬, 𝐭𝐰𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 | Eleventh Doctor x F!Reader x River Song

❝𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥. 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘢 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥.❞

Summary: You were just a companion, a friend to the two Time Lords. At least, you thought you were.

Warnings: Angst, unrequited love (not really lol), fluffy ending

Words: 6.1K

A/N: I'M ALIVE!!! This request sat in my inbox and I struggled a bit to not turn this into a fully fleshed out story. I swear this was meant to be a smol lil blurb, your honor. I sneezed and then 5k spat onto my screen idk it just happened I swear...Anyways, gonna try to get to my other requests soon 🫡

Ordinary is not in your vocabulary. Nothing in your life ever seemed ordinary the moment the Doctor offered an adventure in his bigger-on-the-inside box and a devilish smile. No one normal would have given their safety in exchange for life-threatening altercations with aliens, monsters, and the worst of the universe. You hated the ordinary, despised the monotony of everyday life.

You took the Doctor’s offer with a smile of your own, delight and mischief to complement. 

Everything was going well as far as you were concerned. Lives were saved, memories were made, and all the time in the world to do whatever. You were happy, plain and simple.

You embraced the unknown, thanks to the Doctor’s influence. Comfortable with the odd and unthinkable. 

At least you thought you were. 

With each adventure comes injuries. Most are minimal that heal in a matter of days. Others leave scars that are forever etched in your skin. Being the self-sacrificing stubborn human you were, you often became a shield to those in need. In this particular case you had gotten slashed by a knife in a tussle. 

It wasn’t deep enough to be fatal, but it stretched from your collarbone to the side of your neck. Thin line of crimson and a sharp sting when air hit it. Annoying, yes, but nothing you couldn’t handle. 

Your traveling companion had a different view.

You groan, “I’m fine, seriously. There’s no need to fuss over a scratch.”

River, beautiful as she is stubborn, gives you a pointed look. One that borders a withering stare but since you’re you it comes off as scolding. 

“You nearly had your head off your shoulders. You’re lucky I was there to intervene,” came her grumbling response. 

Her fingers find your chin to tilt your head up, her face out of your line of sight as you stare up at the ceiling. You take the opportunity to roll your eyes at her need to coddle you. You’re a grown woman for Christ’s sake, perfectly capable of handling yourself. If anything you’ve encountered worse and had bounced back fine. 

Sure, the knife of your attacker came a tad too close to the artery on your neck. Hell, maybe if your reflexes didn’t kick in fast enough you would’ve had a much different night to spend. 

But those hypothetical scenarios were merely that. Hypothetical. You’ve walked away that fight with bruised knuckles and a shallow, 4 inch cut. 

You were fine. Perfectly capable of handling yourself—

River’s finger finds the hollow of your throat. 

Feather-light, just barely touching the skin. You feel her touch up along your neck sending a chill down your spine. Your breath hitched when it stopped just above your pulse point. Something tugs the strings in your chest. 

A dangerous feeling coils down in your core. 

River’s breath tickles your ear, “Breathe, darling. Can’t have you passing out on me.”

As if on command, your body responds eagerly. You force air to leave your lungs all at once. There’s a slight burn left behind and you're sure it’s not due to your withholding oxygen. 

You clear your throat, “Are you going to patch me up Doctor Song?”

It comes off shaky and quiet.

River’s hand leaves your face and you can finally see her. A curve of a smile and a glint in her eyes that leaves goosebumps. 

Your legs involuntarily shift close.

River gives a shrug, “You’re right, just a scratch. No need for fussing. Unless you want me to patch you up?”

You shake your head, “N-No, there’s no need. Thank you for offering though.”

There’s a painful squeeze in your chest. Regret.

River nods understandably, “I’ll be out of your hair then. Give a shout if you need me.”

You watch as she turns to leave. You can’t help but trace the curve of her hips as she approaches the door. Words clump in your throat, an impulse of a thought racing. Before you can act she crosses the threshold, the door closing behind her.

Somehow it stung more than the 4 inch cut on your throat.

Just a friend. Only a friend.

— — —

You tried to put the encounter with River as far removed from your mind as you can. It was just the heat of the moment, a little rise because it’s been ages since you’ve had a romantic relationship. Not that you needed one. You’re perfectly content with spending your time with the Doctor. Who needs romance when you’re traveling the universe with a quirky alien?…A hot alien.

A hot alien who is your friend. Nothing more.

“Is there something on my face?” the Doctor asked, swiping his chin for invisible crumbs.

His words snapped you out of your haze. Back to the present. 

“Wha—No! Sorry, lost in my own head. What were you saying?”

The Doctor presses a few buttons to prepare the TARDIS for travel, glossing over your admitting to not listening, “I was in the middle of explaining why going to Kaythrona would be a bad idea in comparison to Bouble-4A. Perfect this time of year—trees made of crystals and the water is perfect temperature year round. Perfect water, perfect temperature, perfect getaway!”

His smile is that of pure joy. Infectious to anyone, especially you. 

“Yeah, perfect! You have any plans when we arrive?” you asked, leaning against the console. 

You were an arm’s length away. At this distance you could smell the remnants of his earl gray tea from this morning clinging to his clothes. Wild hair that is tamed on the sides, the cut of his cheekbone, and the hint of stubble along his jaw. 

The Doctor whizzes about the controls with flair. Pushing, pressing, and pulling controls that look indistinguishable from one another. 

“Many, many plans. Oh, (Y/N) you’re gonna love the little markets along the coast. We could go to the seafood restaurant—no, the pearl mines! So much to do and lots to show you.”

The Doctor makes his way around back to you, bumping shoulders as he did so. He turns to you, excited to expose you to yet another world. 

You give him a small smile in return. Hoping your demure expression would hide the fluttering of your heart. 

Pulling the engine lever down, you feel the familiar rumbling of the TARDIS. The two of you grab onto the railing in hopes to not fall over. The Doctor reaches for the edge of the console, bracing himself. 

You, caught up in your fawning, didn’t properly latch onto the railing and nearly toppled over. A hand yanks your arm and you collide with a wall of wool and earl gray. 

“Don’t worry I got you,” the Doctor assured, his mouth nearly kissing against your ear. 

His hand migrates from your arm to your waist, pulling you to his side. Tight and secure. The shaking continues, but you’re much too focused on how warm the Doctor seems to be. His hand firm on your side, as if it was meant to be there. Your cheek against the scratchy wool of his coat just inches away from his hearts. 

Just a friend. Only a friend.

You grasp onto his jacket even though there’s a perfectly stable railing right in front of you. 

— — —

Ordinary didn’t apply to your life, so it would only make sense it didn’t touch your love life either. 

River once again joined you and the Doctor for another adventure. Surprisingly, one that didn’t involve intergalactic battles and executing a poorly planned heist. No, she just so happened to be in New York in 2023 at the exact same pizza parlor the Doctor is dragging you to. 

In the past few months you’ve come to realize that the odd feelings in your stomach and the nervous butterflies wasn’t just spur-of-the-moment anxiety. It only manifests when you are within proximity to either the Doctor or River. Anytime they slipped past your personal bubble, you felt the simmering heat in your stomach and a dizziness whenever they got too close. You didn’t realize how the three of you would be joined at the hip until you realized something. 

You love the Doctor…and River. 

It came crawling into your mind until it was all you could think about. Moments across the years playing over and over. You loved them both for so long but you played it off as platonic. It should’ve been obvious with how you hoard their attention and do everything in your power to be near them. Their laughs, praise, and happy moments shared between you set your heart ablaze.

Only problem is that they’re already married. They weren’t secretive either. Always flirting in the face of danger. Lingering eyes and a heated kiss when things got rough. They never hid their affection towards one another.

You were never jealous of them. The ache in your chest came from the fact that they would never share that with you. You were you and they were the Doctor and River Song. They had a history long before you and they seemed more than content with each other. 

River sat in a booth in the far corner of the restaurant. The afternoon sun highlighted her golden hair like a halo. She was writing in that old diary of hers that resembles your beloved time-machine.

The Doctor walked in fast, measured steps while you tried to keep up. His hand on your back, guiding you through the people crowding around the cashier. The closer you stepped the more anxiety pools. 

River looks up from her diary with a wide grin. The one where it crinkles her eyes and makes you lose breath. 

“Hello sweetie,” she says, her words honeyed with affection. 

“Hello love,” the Doctor returns with a giddy smile. 

River’s gaze met yours. Her expression didn’t change, as if she was just as happy to see you. 

“We meet again, darling.”

Darling became her nickname for you as much as sweetie was for the Doctor. 

She’s just flirting, nothing special.

Your nails dig into your palms, “So it seems, Riv.”

The Doctor ushers you into the booth so you sit shoulder to shoulder. He rubs his hands together as he snatched a menu from the pile in the middle of the table. 

“Alright, what do we have here? Some good ol’ pepperoni, some cheese, and lovely sauce. I’m absolutely famished. Haven’t stopped to think, let alone eat something other than the ramen packets Y/N hoards,” the Doctor says. 

You snatched the menu from the Doctor, “So you were eating them! You said they could clog your arteries.”

The Doctor snatches the menu right back, “I said they could clog your arteries, not mine.”

“You made me believe I was going mad! Why couldn't you get your own?”

“‘Cause your room is closer…and less expensive.”

The two of you continue to bicker whilst the menu keeps being tugged mercilessly. Ramen packets changed to snoring habits (you were horrified that the Doctor snuck into your room when you were still in it) and the argument shifted to accusations. Most of which was you calling the Doctor a robber. The Doctor deflects and somehow blames you for being easy to rob. 

River watched the exchange with a tiniest of smiles. The Doctor with a hint of red at his ears, leaning forward. You with pinched brows and sharp words that you don't actually mean. So close the two of you were that your knees were touching and the air between was your mingled breaths. 

“Ahem,” River coughed rather obnoxiously. 

At the sound of her, the two of you ceased arguing. 

“Any louder and you’ll alert the whole parlor,” she scolds.

Luckily the busy little parlor was already loud with its many customers. Loud enough to drown the squabbling in your booth. Though the realization of how you might've looked made you and the Doctor slouch into your seats. 

River narrows her eyes, “If you're done arguing like petty school girls we could hurry up and order because I’m not sharing my food. Unless you wish to continue spilling each other's secrets for all of New York to hear.”

“Nope, we're done,” you say. You shoot her a grin in hopes to hide the fact that, yes, you will continue later.

River’s eyes shift to her husband, who avoids her stare.

“Yes, done-zo. No more arguing,” the Doctor affirms. He leaves out the “For now” at the end. 

River knows the little omissions. She doesn't voice it, instead rolling her eyes.

— — —

Lunch went by smoothly, all things considered. Food was served, pizza was eaten, and stories passed the time. The Doctor retold your fantastical adventures with some minor exaggeration (leaving out the mishaps as well). River bragged about her many archeological discoveries and Indiana Jones-esque quests to find legendary artifacts. 

As they retold, shared, and laughed at each other's fortune, you sat in your seat with sealed lips. As the time passed, the two of them leaned forward with biting grins. It was as if magnets in their chests pulled them nearer. 

You stayed put because in place of a magnet was a lump of sorrow that was weighing you down. You watched their banter go on and on, leaving you out. Their words turned personal, intimate with inside jokes. It was clear that although River and the Doctor weren't exclusive by any means, their love runs deeper than most. 

Their love for each other ran deeper, felt stronger only for them. 

Not for you. 

It hurts to watch them. It hurts to love them knowing they will never feel the same. You’re just a temporary blip in their long lives. They already have one another. Perfectly content with having you just as a companion. Because that’s all you are to them. In this moment, trapped in your bubble, you can see just how in love they are. In the middle of the table their hands are inches away from each other. The tips of their hands moving at a snail's pace towards the other, until they fold in where they meet. They don’t seem to notice the collision of hands, still conversing with one another nonchalantly. 

It’s an innocent gesture. Sweet and pure with its intentions. Perfectly their hands fit, you don’t think they could form against yours. They were perfect for one another. Witty mouths, playful eyes, and brilliant minds. 

Husband and wife. Vowed for one another. 

Your eyes don’t leave their hands, transfixed by your own spell of deep longing. 

The Doctor laughs at something River says. It’s a soft chuckle that pulls his lips and shakes his head. River stares unabashed with eyes so full of love that it tugs the strings in your chest. 

It makes you sick.

“I need to use the bathroom,” you blurt out. You felt too close, too warm in the booth. You need to get away from them both. 

The Doctor and River glance at one another. A pointed look that could hold entire conversations. Moments ticked by before the Doctor scoots out of his seat to let you pass. You all but sprinted out of the booth and made a bee-line to the bathroom. 

It was a small, dank space with dark brown walls and one lighting fixture in the middle of the ceiling. The harsh lighting and tight space was far from cozy and inviting, but you are glad to have made it out. Your breathing became more shallow, tears started to burn into your eyes. You stare into the warped reflection in the mirror. 

Tiredness smudges around your eyes. Your lower lip is cracked from the constant tugging and swiping of your tongue. Edges of your shirt wrinkled from how tightly you were holding onto it. 

You don’t know how long you stared at yourself. Lines around your face blur as the tears start to flow. Down your face, into the valleys of cheeks, and into the porcelain sink. Another falls, then another, until you can’t help but sob into your hand. 

— — —

Minutes tick by. The pizza being shared was now specks of crumbs. 

Your companions sit idly, waiting for your return. 

“Is it just me, or is (Y/N) a bit quiet today?” the Doctor mused, looking behind him to see the closed door of the bathroom. The red sticker on the lock gnaws at his mind. 

River rubs her thumb over the Doctor’s hand, “Why don’t you ask her? She’s your companion.”

The Doctor turns back to her, “Why don’t you ask her? Everytime I see you two, you can’t keep your hands off one another.”

His words don’t have any malice. If anything, it was more of a jab at how horribly River hides her affinity towards you. Always doting on you with small trinkets and tight hugs. The soft drawl of her “darling” seemed much too intimate, too loving to be platonic. 

River’s smile is sharp, her words quick, “Says the man who whimpers whenever she wears a tight dress.”

As quick as her words came, the image of you a week ago floods his mind. 

Silk gloves, the shine of your skin, the color of your lipstick. It was a gala out in a different galaxy and the Doctor found it hard to resist your puppy eyes. 

You begged him to dress up, to match with your dress. He mutters, whines, and begrudgingly says yes. Not because he didn’t want to go, but because he knew of the outcome of seeing your dress. 

A deep blue, nearly black, with delicate lacing and gemstones. Simple, lavish, and complimented your body beautifully. The neckline perfectly snug against your chest, bodice hugging your waist, and when you turned around—

The whole of the Doctor’s face flushes a bright pink. He sputters, tone harsh, “I do not. It’s called being flustered. I’ll have you know that I—stop laughing.”

The Doctor’s plea falls on deaf ears as River let out a choked giggle. Her hand covers her mouth, but the edges of her smile still peek through. Seeing the Doctor flustered over a girl never fails to make her laugh. 

“I was…only teasing!” she let out between giggles. The expression the Doctor made, all grumpy like a cat, made her sides hurt. 

The laughter dies down. River dabs her eyes and massages her tired cheeks. The Doctor’s hearts swells at her joy, even if it was at his own expense. 

The Doctor looks over his shoulder once more. Your door is still locked with no one in line. An uneasy feeling lodges in his chest. Your usual bright, happy attitude was strangely absent. A few times you chimed in, relaying your own version of a story the Doctor purposefully miscounted. 

You weren’t sad, at least the Doctor didn’t seem to think so. Empty was a more appropriate word. Stuck in your own head thinking God knows what. 

“Did you hold up your end?”

River’s questions shocked the Doctor out of his own thoughts.

The Doctor narrows his eyes, “I don’t recall making a bargain with you. I thought we agreed that if we were drunk that it doesn’t count.”

River rolls her eyes, “I’m talking about (Y/N). I told you to talk to her about…” she gestures to the space between them. 

The Doctor mimics her movements, confusion still present in his face, “What’s this? What did I agree to?”

“Us! You agreed to talk to (Y/N) about us. You told me that you would drop hints about it,” River scans the Doctor’s face for any recognition. She sees the realization dawn on him, and the guilt settling in. River can’t help but curl her lips into a snarl, “You didn’t do it, did you?”

“How am I supposed to?” he threw his hands up in exasperation, “It’s bad enough as it is that I get all light-headed and fuzzy when she’s near me. You hear me? Light-headed and fuzzy. I didn’t think that was possible—no I was certain it wasn’t possible. At least with you, you made all the moves from the get-go. What if she doesn’t like me back?’

River shoved her leg under the table, earning a strained “ow” from the Doctor, “You stupid oaf! Of course she likes you! Smartest man in the universe, yet you couldn’t use your big brain of yours to notice her signals? A cyberman could figure it out for goodness sake.”

The Doctor slumped back into his chair, dumbfounded. He would be lying if he said he didn't notice how close you were with him. But you're close with everyone. Always friendly, open with your emotions. 

River was the one to bring up a potential relationship. Nudging the Doctor towards you, trying to get him to open up. Every time he mentions anything romantic, it never seems to come out right. Words jumble in his head and his tongue knots in his mouth. On the off chance he does something “romantic”, you would always—unwaveringly—call him a friend. He has to pretend that the word doesn’t make his teeth grind against each other. 

The Doctor swirls the colored straw in his glass of soda. The ice clinking against glass and the residual carbonation sizzling out. 

Ice. Cracking. Sizzling out into the inky depths of the cola, almost black in the dim lighting.

Something in his brain clicks.  

— — —

10 minutes passed before someone banged on the bathroom door. 

“Can you hurry up man! You’re holdin’ up the line!” an angry, muffled voice yelled. 

You furiously wiped your face, collecting all the remaining tears with paper towels. A couple splashes of water to soothe your puffy eyes before you unlock the bathroom. You were greeted with a cross, stout man with too much hair on his chest and not enough on his head. He grumbled something before making his way around you. No one else stood behind him. 

The restaurant died down with only a few tables left occupied and the setting sun spilling through the windows. You drag yourself towards the booth the Doctor and River were situated in. Your steps get slower as the distance gets shorter. Dread builds into you; your mind conjures the image of their exclusion towards you. 

Voices, familiar and warm, could be heard. They were more hushed than before, perhaps due to the lack of other customers to drown out their noise. As you round a corner, you see River and the Doctor hunched towards one another. You can only see River’s stern expression before her eyes immediately spot you. Relief sags her shoulders. At her expression, the Doctor whizzed around to greet you. 

You stopped in front of them, seeing their ruffled clothes and fidgeting body language. You were gone for a few minutes, so why did they look…disheveled? River’s usual glossy curls were frizzy around the edges; wild strands sticking to and fro. The Doctor’s shirt looked wrinkled and bowtie skewed at an odd angle. 

Did they…? No, you weren’t gone for that long.

“Sorry I took so long. Long line and no toilet paper,” you lie with a monotone voice. You didn’t put any energy into making it believable, hoping they would get the hint to not question you. 

The Doctor sprang up from his seat with an expression that seemed much too happy to be innocent.  

“Change of plans. River had just informed me that at this very moment, there is a comet passing by in—” he checks his watch, “ —Yosemite, California. Super beautiful, gorgeous color. Isn’t that right Riv?”

River nods, fast and eager, “Sure is, sweetie. I’ve had enough of the city, wouldn’t you say?”

Their odd behavior rang alarm bells in your mind. A prank? You doubt River would be the type to follow along with a malicious prank. The Doctor, however…

You let out an exhausted sigh, “Could this wait later? Tomorrow?”

“Nope! Can’t wait, lots to see!” came the Doctor’s reply. 

The Doctor placed his hands on your shoulders to steer you to the front door. Your feet nearly tangle together, practically stumbling down the empty street with River not too far behind. You find your footing just fast enough so that you can speed walk without the Doctor trying to knock you over. 

“Guys, slow down. Doctor, I can walk just fine y’know,” your shoe gets caught onto a piece of sidewalk, making you jump slightly. It doesn’t deter the Doctor, still hellbent on shoving you down the street. You turn to your side, eyeing River, “Could you please explain to me what’s going on? Why are you guys acting weird?”

River’s cherry red lips stretched to a smile (Did she just apply it?), “Spoilers.”

Your friends’ odd behaviors made you question if you’re being kidnapped by shapeshifters. Not an impossible scenario, but would explain why they’re suddenly so hyper. The Doctor made a sharp turn into an alley. You see the TARDIS with its vibrant blue against the red brick of the buildings beside it. 

Something’s wrong. 

“The TARDIS was parked a few streets down. Why is it here?” you questioned, distrust lacing your voice. 

The Doctor sent a worried look towards River, who looked caught off-guard. 

“We…thought it was best to move it closer so you didn’t have to walk far,” River explains. It comes out quickly. Too rushed and uneasy to make it truthful. 

The Doctor gave a smile, too wide for your liking. 

You cross your arms over your chest, “If you don’t spit it out already I’m not getting into the TARDIS. I’m honestly a bit freaked out right now.”

“We, uh…” the Doctor moves his hand, trying to come up with something, “We can’t tell you.”

You scoff, looking at River to see if she will spill. 

River shrugs, “You’ll have to come inside the TARDIS to see.”

You wrestle with the idea of accusing them of being aliens with perception filters. It could explain their odd appearance and eagerness to get you to the TARDIS. Were the real Doctor and River Song trapped somewhere. Is this a trick of the mind? 

The Doctor hand tugs yours. Secure and warm. His expression calms, “It’s a surprise,” he indulges. 

River unlocks the TARDIS, holding the door open, “A big one.”

The Doctor and River take your hands, interlocking them. The action sends your mind blank. Soft, warm. They hold tightly, flushed against your clammy palms. Your heart stutters, finally registering what’s happening. You’ve held their hands many, many times. It wasn’t unusual to see you link hands with either of them. 

This. It feels different. 

They all but pulled you inside, the destination already on display and the engine ready to go. 

— — —

Cool air kissed your face, greatly contrasting the warm New York temperature. Grass met your feet instead of concrete. Stillness you’d always associate with nature instead of the bustle of busy streets. 

“Is the blindfold really necessary?” 

You fight the instinct to rip the cloth off your face, but your hands are preoccupied with being held by your companions. River to your left, the Doctor on your right. Their other hands find the small of your back, guiding you forward. 

“Almost there, darling,” River assures. 

You bite back a groan. One foot in front of the other as best as you could. Each one was wobbly; unsure of debris blocking your path. The hands along your back tighten, trying to steer your uncoordinated body towards the destination. 

You smell the familiar scent of firewood in the air before you hear the crackling.  

The walking stops and hands leave your body. You hear the rustling of fabric and stray giggles of the Doctor. River hushes him. 

Your fingers twitch at your side. The cotton of the Doctor’s bow tie is soft yet strangely secure on your head. You're trying to piece together what they’re trying to show you. Nothing seems to add up. Is it a holiday? A prank? Was it a birthday?

You hear footsteps and feel two hands on your shoulders. 

“Keep your eyes close, yeah?” the Doctor whispers, tugging his bow tie off your eyes. 

You sigh, “Doctor, what are you trying to do?”

The Doctor doesn’t respond. You don’t know his facial expression or any sort of clue towards his motivations. But you feel the gentle hold of his hand. Warm palms picking up your fingers, thumb tracing the peaks of your knuckles and the valleys of your skin. 

Almost like…

“Ready,” River announced, a bit distant from where you are standing. 

The Doctor leans close, his hair tickling your temple, “Open your eyes.”

It took you a few blinks to adjust your eyes. The inky darkness of night contrasts the warm, inviting fire light. 

River stands next to a picnic blanket with the most lush pillows you’ve ever seen. Movie snacks are piled in the corner and in the middle a neatly wrapped box with an obnoxious bow. In front of the picnic blanket was a small, orange fire surrounded by a ring of rocks. The flames crackle loudly, providing warmth against the lowering temperature. 

“What…How? Why?” Was all you could muster. You take a few steps closer, unsure of how to process this. 

You focus on the box. Dark wrapping paper with shining gold stars to accent. The flickering fire made the glitter on the stars twinkle. The bow nearly swallowed the top of the box with ribbons cascading down. Your eyes flicker to the pile of snacks. Your favorite snacks. Even some ramen packets. 

The Doctor spoke up, “Hope you’re not too full from the pizza. Though, come to think of it, we may have left the drinks back in the TARDIS. River suggested wine but I’m already buzzed from my own endorphins.” His words were a bit fast, almost nervous. 

“But why? Is there something special about today?” you ask. 

River smiled, “November, 1826.”

There’s something familiar about the date. It tickled your memory, but nothing clear. 

“Our first adventure together. The three of us,” The Doctor clarified. 

It felt as though the Doctor’s words swept all air from your lungs. Of course, how could you forget? 

You are certain it was years ago. Keeping track of time on the TARDIS is finicky at best, but you felt the time pass as evident by the scars on your skin and fine lines dotting your face. You were still wide-eyed and naive, not yet comprehending the dangers of the universe. The Doctor was still odd and new to be around; still getting used to your presence at his side. 

There was a galactic cruise ship, nearly swallowing Pluto in size. Parts of the memory are hazy in your mind. You forget if it’s you that urged the Doctor to go or the Doctor dragging you out. Whatever the case was, you found yourself onboard and immediately lost, tipsy from the wine given. 

River found you then. It wasn’t ‘til later that you realized that River was actually seeking you out. In your eyes, it was the first time seeing her. To her, she had already had a tone of familiarity when your name rolled off her tongue. 

Turns out River had organized a heist to return stolen goods that were aboard the cruise ship. Fighting and mishaps ensued until the Doctor managed to hoard the goods aboard the TARDIS and return them to their rightful spots. 

At the end of it all, the three of you had just so happened to be above the Earth at the same time as Biela’s comet. 

You remember your legs dangling off the edge of the TARDIS, dark splotches along your legs where bruises formed. The Doctor and River lean against the doorframe, silent in their awe. The first of many mishaps and adventures the three of you would create. 

They took you to the exact day—the exact time—

“Why?” you whispered. Everything came rushing all at once. Stolen glances, longing stares, the uncomfortable beat of your heart. Memories of the three of you or just intimate moments with either of them. You swallow the lump in your throat, “I just…don’t understand.”

The Doctor took your hands once again. You couldn’t bring yourself to meet his gaze. 

“We love you (Y/N). For a while now, actually.” 

His delicate words hit you like a gust of wind. Your head snapped up, eyes wide and fearful. The Doctor’s usual happy facade is gone, any humor wiped from the planes of his face entirely. His hands grip onto yours a bit harder, enough to ground you. 

After a few moments, your brain finally stills. Anxiety still grips your muscles and tightens your chest, but you manage to sputter your thoughts out coherently. 

“I love you guys too,” you grin against the onset of tears starting to fall. You didn’t move your hands from the Doctor’s, so you simply let them cascade down your face. You shakily inhaled, continuing, “For so long I thought you guys wouldn’t feel the same. Even now…”

Two hands appear at your cheeks, thumbs swiping away the salty tears. The Doctor smiles and you don’t mistake the glisten in his eyes as well. 

You turn towards River who stands near the blankets with the present pressed tightly against herself. The fire gives her golden hair a bright orange hue, surrounding her with a divine glow. The way she looks at you made your skin flushed; so full of adoration, as if you were the most breath-taking sight. 

Stepping towards the blond with the Doctor, you try to meet her gaze head-on. You stopped once you got close enough to see the dilation of her eyes. For a second a flicker of something else flashed in her green eyes. 

“Breathe, darling,” she teased. At her command, you let out the breath you were holding. She hands you the box, never breaking eye-contact, “Consider it an anniversary gift.” 

The choice of words makes your eyes widen. The box seemed a bit hefty in your hands. You gave it an experimental shake, feeling something large and solid moving. You gripped the end of the ribbon and gave it a tug. Silky ribbon buckled, folding into itself until it completely unraveled and slipped from the box. Pulling open the top you saw a large blue book nestled inside. 

TARDIS blue, you noted. 

River takes the empty box while the Doctor ushered you onto the picnic blanket. There were no words embellished that gave any indication as to what the book was about. Flipping the cover open, you were met with a mostly blank page, save for the text stamped in the middle:

“For the love of our many lives. A companion, friend, and most importantly, the reason the Universe doesn’t seem so cold.” 

Tears nearly blurred your vision, but you managed to wipe them away to flip to the next page. 

A collage of photos filled the pages. Some were candid, others in black in white, most of them had you in them. There were pictures you had captured on an old film camera you snagged when you were stuck in the 70s. You were quite surprised to see snapshots of you doing mundane activities. Your head was turned away from the lens, completely focused on some task in front of you. There were a few pictures with you and River and some with all three of you. 

Years of memories stored in the pages of the book. Some far back to the earliest days of your travels. 

The rest of the night blurred into happy tears and hearty laughs. You snuggled between the two Time Lords flipping through the photo album filled with your fondest memories. 

The insecurities felt in the cramped bathroom in the middle of New York seemed so far away. Years of anxiety curdling in your stomach finally bloomed into something sweet. They loved you. They wanted you. They planned everything out for you. You felt it in their gaze, their warm touches. 

“Tonight,” the Doctor whispered, “It’s all about you.”

As Biela made her visit, shining brightly amongst the twinkling stars, you realized that somewhere out in the sky, your past selves were observing the same scene. 

Staring out into the vast expanse of space, you hoped the love that swelled your heart could be felt millions of miles away. That your shared laughter transcended the atmosphere and carried to the passengers of the TARDIS floating above Earth. 

You hoped that somewhere out there, your future selves are looking over, sharing this experience across time and space. 

[saturnsbabyboii]

💮Random Astro Notes, Answering Questions and a lil Rant💮

🪷The house that Saturn resides in can tell us what items we have been more careful and gentle with. To name a few, people with Saturn in 3rd house may have their books degrade faster, and their phones break often. Saturn in 4th need to be careful with their furniture, photos, kitchen, and even their entire home. Saturn in 7th may lose or damage their jewelry. Saturn in 11th may electronics break and malfunction.

🪷The house that Scorpio and Pluto reside in gives us some insight into how/where we are mistreated, misunderstood, taken advantage of, and perhaps even abused. However, it’s also where you’ll eventually come on top. If you thought Saturian karma doesn’t play then wait until you see Plutonian karma. Unlike Saturn, it is public and done indirectly. Because it’s the house of death (symbolically more than literally) and transformation, Pluto works slowly but on a large scale. Just like tectonic plates, they're slow and great. It may very well (especially for Scorpio) happen after your death or in a different lifetime. 

🪷The Pisces paradox of being obsessed with yourself and taking pictures 24/7 and also desiring to escape your mortal flesh

🪷Side bar but I love how the sign of most season winners and of miss congeniality on Ruapul Drag Race is Taurus followed by Libra. It makes for Venusians to dominate a beauty competition show.

🪷Leo and Libra placements are obsessed with having an aesthetic. They drown themselves in whatever they find beautiful, and they do it well.

🪷I never understood the obsession with spouse, wealth, fame, and indicators in the chart. To me personally, when it comes to these subjects is that if you aren't actively trying to have or working in whichever way that suits you and seems the most effective, you won't attain it. How are you getting anything without putting an effort into it?

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Questions Asked:

🌸@brielledoesastrology thank you for the message, but I don't want to tell people about my chart 😅. I like to be as impartial as I can when it comes to doing astrology. I do it to help people and for fun not for fame or any gratification. It may seem dramatic but I swear it's easier when people don't know 😭

🌸 @spixcyy "Can I ask if you're gay?"

It's giving (Yes, I am very colorful and zesty)

🌸 Question from @iproposedtoyomamaandshesaidyes: “Heyy wassup bro how’s everything? I have Chiron in Leo is that a good placement?” 

Heyy, I am good thank you and I hope you’re healthy and happy. Well, it depends on what we mean by “good”. In terms of the role of Chiron in Leo’s role in your trauma and healing. 

Here are some of my interpretations of Chiron in Leo:

Sensitivity to your sense of person

Having limited self expression or authenticity (The house Chiron resides in can indicate where, how, and in some cases by whom.)

Being forced into the collective and not allowed to have a sense of independence

Individuality and unbecoming is a major life themes/struggles (regardless of the house)

Problems with self esteem, courage, vitality, creativity, and originality

Having a hard time accepting your possibilities and fearing success

Fear of disappointing role model/guide 

Pressure from an early age for living a prodigy

Having to play a “role” or a character for a large portion of your early years

Trouble feeling that you do not have a central purpose or reason for existing

Difficulty understanding what it is you are ‘supposed’ to be doing with your life, yet having an overwhelming sense that you are supposed to be doing something.

Excessive rebellion or conformity 

Healing and Moving on:

Learning to be content

Finding yourself as you move along life

Accepting that you won’t find instant solutions and results

Allowing yourself to grow 

Forgiving yourself for being the person you were and needed to be

Helping others embrace their qualities (especially those that are viewed negatively by society) will help accept yourself

Leading with love and compassion, not detachment

As Chiron is the great healer that can’t heal his wound, your life purpose is:

To lead by example

Break the mold

Be the new “normal”

Perseverance

Act as a leader of the collective rather than be part of the group

Depending on the themes of the house Chiron resides in, you’ll work as a great motivator and healer in that aspect of life.

Hope this was of any help and thank you for your question.

🌸 @astro-lab asked :” So what is “the other Lilith” that comes with every chart? Which one is more relevant? How are they related?”

There are four asteroids that are part of Lilith. 

- First, we have the Black Moon Lilith or Mean Lilith (h12), which is the most commonly used and referred to when people say “Lilith”. This is the one that is usually used in birth chart tools you find online.

The others are Asteroid Lilith (1181), True/Osculating Lilith (h13), and lastly, we have Dark Moon Lilith/ Waldemath Black Moon (h58).

Mean Lilith uses the average orbit of the theoretical Black Moon. This is why she is called Mean Lilith. “Mean” refers to the average, not her temperament. For True Lilith, her orbit oscillates or interchanges constantly. This Lilith uses the actual, real orbit of the Black Moon rather than the average in comparison. As for Dark Moon Lilith, some people have claimed to have seen this Moon, although its existence is debatable. Asteroid Lilith is the only Lilith that is an actual astronomical body.

In terms of their relevancy and importance depends on what areas of life are you looking to get insight from. Like other asteroids, they can shed light on things we tend to overlook. However, when it comes to Lilith, in general, these are things that we feel but never understand period. 

The Mean Lilith is widely used because it takes the average orbit of Lilith and its mystic influence astrologically. In the birth chart, it represents the unconscious mirages that we create to protect our most vulnerable parts and deepest fears. Where we tend to be mistreated the most as Lilith had been and how can we fall victim to others but also heal, transform, and regain that power.

True Lilith in contrast is what we might now refer to as “your villain origin story”. This is where we find ourselves pushing the boundaries of ourselves and others. Our darker instincts and desires. 

Asteroid Lilith is where and how we embody Lilith through the chart and in our everyday life.

I hope I was able to explain it well but thank you so much for your question 💕

●∘◦❀◦∘●●∘◦❀◦∘●●∘◦❀◦∘●●∘◦❀◦∘●●∘◦❀◦∘●●∘◦❀◦∘●●∘◦❀◦∘●●∘◦❀◦∘●

That's it, thank you for the questions and for reading.

Adios PUTAAASSSS

[rishiguro]

ANGSTOBER ‘23

kinktober is right around the corner — but if you‘re like me, you don’t read (or write) a lot of smut. so let’s make it angsty, solely because we can

note: four fics for four weeks of october — one for every fandom i write for (haikyu!!, jujutsu kaisen, genshin impact and my hero academia). please read the warnings mentioned for every fic

WEEK ONE — VERDICT

FANDOM: genshin impact

PAIRING: neuvillette x reader

SUMMARY: for all your life you believed that the judicial system was infallible. that was until you were put in the dock and convicted.

WARNINGS: mentions of murder. mentions of minor character death. reader has a brother.

DATE: 5th october

WEEK TWO — AUTOPHOBIA

FANDOM: my hero academia

PAIRING: dabi x reader

SUMMARY: deep down, he was a scared child, terrified to be alone. so what should he do when he’s about to lose you, the last person he had left, too?

WARNINGS: mentions of murder. non graphic injuries. swearing.

DATE: 11th october

WEEK THREE — ANAGAPESIS

FANDOM: haikyu!!

PAIRING: kita x reader

SUMMARY: falling out of love is hard — especially when it’s with somebody who everybody would consider to be “the perfect boyfriend”.

WARNINGS: break up. heartbreak. self-deprecating thoughts. hurt/no comfort.

DATE: 26th october

WEEK FOUR — HONOURABLE MAN

FANDOM: jujutsu kaisen

PAIRING: nanami x reader

SUMMARY: nanami's resolve and honour were incredibly admirable, but now when you face off against him as foes, you wish that the strength of his character was on your side.

WARNINGS: set during jjk0. major character death. weapons. heavily implied past lovers. no happy ending (but are we even surprised). swearing. reader is on getou's side and believes in his cause.

DATE: 31st october

please reblog to spread the word!

©rishiguro 2023. do not copy, translate, share.

[reneesghostinthelivingroom]

hi! would you do more of pretty little secret? like maybe when we first interact with regina and how that goes down and janis being protective and whatnot? that story was so good

Pretty Little Secret || Part 2

|| Janis Imi'ike x fem!reader

|| Warnings: Regina being Regina, swearing, implied homophobia, Regina bullying Janis & reader

|| Summary: reader runs into Regina George, Regina makes fun of Janis & reader. Janis tries picking a fight with Regina but reader & Damien pull her away before things can escalate.

Requests open!

Started: May 2nd

Finished: May 11th

Go read part 1!

~~~

At least... you had thought you'd do fine here.

Your first day went well. Your second day? Not so much. You had unfortunately encountered Regina George. She was so much worse than Janis' warnings, how that was even possible you weren't sure. You had thought Janis was just over exaggerating when she had compared her to a worse Heather Chandler.

God, you wished Regina George came with a flashing warning something or some shit so you wouldn't accidentally run into her like you had. Maybe a bell. Someone put a bell on this bitch.

You literally ran into the one person Janis told you to stay away from. Girl, you had one job now come on.

Let's take it back a few steps.

You were in your third period class, watching the clock as the seconds ticked by. You had no idea what the teacher was even going on about anymore but you didn't care; you were just waiting for the moment where you could be back in Janis' arms.

The moment the bell rang, you gathered your things and hurried out the door and towards the cafeteria. You had been speed walking, music playing in your ears. You hadn't noticed the blonde and her plastic crew walking ahead of you.

Your pace picked up, wanting to be with Janis already. Not even a few seconds later did you collide into Regina George, both of you falling to the ground with you landing on top of her.

She screamed and pushed you off, giving you an intense glare that sent shivers down your spine.

You scrambled to your feet and tried offering your hand to help her up, but she slapped it away with enough force to sting.

You pulled your hand back and gave it a gentle rub to soothe the sting.

"I was only trying to help-" She cuts you off, raising her hand.

"Shut. Up. Don't you think you've already caused enough damage? God, you're so pathetic." She said through gritted teeth as she stood and brushed herself off. Her two... friends (you guessed, though you weren't sure that was the right word to describe them from what Janis has told you) came and checked on her but she pushed past them and marched up to you.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Regina snapped, you took a step back and gulped," Well?"

"Just um... a nobody?" You thought maybe that answer would satisfy her, Regina rolled her eyes at you and was about to say more when you were both interrupted.

"She's over there!" You heard Damien shout from somewhere behind you, but you didn't turn around.

"Y/N!" Janis' voice quickly followed, soon enough she was standing next to you. Her hand gripping yours as she pulled you back from Regina and closer to her. "Leave her alone, George."

Regina's eyes narrowed at you and Janis, wondering why the hell she was being so protective over you. Then it clicked when she saw the blush on your cheeks, she smirked and folded her arms across her chest.

"What? Gonna set me on fire for talking to your girlfriend?" Regina stared Janis down, but Janis didn't back away. If anything she stepped closer.

"Maybe I should. Finally shut you up."

This was going to get ugly and fast. You knew you had to act now, you looked at Damien for help and luckily he seemed to understand.

The two of you each grabbed one of Janis's arms and pulled her back.

Janis was pissed off. She didn't want to be pulled away, her eyes glared daggers at Regina as she kicked her feet in protest. Trying to get out of yours and Damien's grasp. You were glad you had asked him for help, because God Janis was putting up a fight. "Let me go!"

"Quick, someone get a fire extinguisher." Regina said with a laugh as she watched the scene unfold before her.

"Girl, calm down." Damien focused on Janis, keeping his hold on her arm as he glanced at you and you nodded. The two of you pulled Janis away from Regina and out of the hall. You weren't about to risk being there for longer than you needed to. Luckily, Regina let you take Janis away without saying much else. At least... not to your face.

You yourself were pissed off at Regina for everything she had said to your girlfriend. But you held back, knowing that getting expelled on your second day wouldn't look all that great on you.

Once the three of you were outside, you and Damien carefully let go of Janis. Keeping your guards up in case she took off or something and you had to grab her again. Thankfully, that didn't happen but you could see she was still pissed as fuck.

"Why did you pull me away?! She deserved a good beat down!" Janis shouted.

"Truth. But we both know she would have twisted the story around and made you the villain." Damien replied, hands on his hips as he kept an eye on Janis. You nodded in agreement.

"And I wasn't about to let my girlfriend get expelled when I just got here. I can't survive this shit without you." You added on, Janis rolled her eyes.

"Okay, okay! Fine." You could tell she wasn't overly happy so you worked your brain for an idea.

You smiled, Janis raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"What's that look for?" She asked.

Damien glanced at you.

"We ditch the rest of the day and go hangout at one of those rage rooms where you can break a bunch of shit." You explained your idea, Janis' eyes lit up with excitement.

You smiled a little more, glad that that seemed to cheer her up.

"Tits! Let's go!" Janis grabbed your hand and pulled you along, you laughed as you followed her. Damien walking beside the two of you.

You always found it hilarious how she used tits to replace 'that's great'.

The three of you would then spend the rest of the day at the rage room, Janis and Damien were the ones mainly breaking shit. You had broken a bit, but you wanted to make sure Janis was the main focus of this. She clearly needed this more than you.

[otdiaftg]

The King's Men - Chapter Fourteen

Day: Sunday, March 10th / 11th* Time: 10:28 PM EST

He looks around the room at them and says uncertainly, "I don't know where to start." "The beginning?" Dan suggests. They are less interested in his father than they are in Neil himself, and they don't need or want the level of details he'd given the FBI. Kevin had shared some of the truth on the drive from New York to Maryland, but Neil doesn't know what all he's told them. Chances are Neil is repeating a detail or two, but no one stops him. He tells them who his parents were both officially and in reality. He admits that he'd played little league Exy for a couple years under a different name and in a different position. He tells them about his mother's abrupt decision to run away, the terrible eight years on the run, and the confrontation that ended with his mother's death. He tells them how he ended up in Millport and why he tried out for the Exy team there. He tells them why he'd risked everything to come here, what it'd meant when he found out who the Moriyamas were, and how many times he'd thought about running away before he cut things too close. He swears he hadn't known until the fall banquet who his father really was to the Moriyamas and that even now he only dimly understands the intricate hierarchy between the Moriyama branches and the Wesninski circle. He knows less how his uncle is supposed to fit in there. He tells them how he'd intended to end the year, how he'd hoped to at least make it through championships and a rematch with Riko but how he'd realized months ago he wasn't going to be back the following year. It is the answer they probably deserved the most, because that fatalistic decision had colored every other interaction with them and fueled his determination to not let them get too close to him. They listen to it all without interruption and sit in silence for a long time afterward.

Art used with permission by Aymmidumps. Thank you @aymmidumps!

*Due to the Leap Year, I have opted to highlight the day rather than the date to keep the events in occurrence to the 2007 year. I will continue to mark both days accordingly.