#SMOKES THE HOOPS I HAD TO JUMP TO GET THIS POSTED WAS WILD

[speakeasier]

testing a new pen out for fun.

[inheritorofmemories-archive]

TOG immortals and vices

Been thinking about the way half the guards smoke like chimneys in the comics, the consumption of alcohol shown in the movie, and what bad habits they would have picked up and never let go of throughout their lives.

So here, my little headcanons about which vices each of the immortals have:

(vices used loosely, more like bad habits or things they like that they cannot help or do without)

Andy and food. And sweet stuff.

She has known hunger and plain, out of necessity, food for so long she’ll indulge gods help her she will ingest as much sugar as she can get her hands on. Absolutely demolished Yusuf’s stash of sweets when they met her. She doesn’t like cooking, or baking, because it takes too much time and investment and feeding herself was a chore for most of her life but she loves to go out to eat. She absolutely hates the snobby michelin type restaurants with no food on the plate and stupidly long name and she’ll take a good meal from the corner food truck or that family held recipe over that pretentious crap any time of the day. Can only feel alive when eating food with enough spice in it to burn off anyone’s tongue but she also likes the greasy and filling stuff that sticks to your throat for hours. Food as a bonding experience for friends and family, she believes in the power of bread, good wine, sweet dessert and a full stomach. But mostly the desert to satisfy her huge sweet tooth.

Quynh and fashion.

That woman wouldn’t be caught dead in clothes that don’t fit or look ridiculous, you and I both know that. She’s reasonable most time and keeps their money in check but more than once she gave too many coins for a dress/tunic/shirt or a fabric that caught her eyes. In general she loves to take care of appearance, clean and combed hair styled nicely, clean and good clothes, makeup and jewelry that doesn’t look too bling but bring just enough class and bring attention. She likes beautiful things in general (aka her wife Andy but also that collection of knives she has that is centuries old, there’s some Damascus steel in there Joe found for her). Was definitely the one to dress the team and the one who took to new trends the fastest, even when she had Opinions on said trends. Would also be the type that would rather be overdressed than underdressed at an event, as opposed to Andy which makes for the funniest couple ever.

Nile and physical activity (not just sport, anything physical).

I see her as the kind of person who cannot relax and needs to be doing something at all times. She’s the eldest daughter in her family and in comics canon she had like 5 jobs before going into the army, tell me this isn’t the behavior of someone who hates to be idle because it makes her feel useless. She’s working out to process her emotions in the military base, and when Andy leaves to fight in the church she’s walking in circles trying to find something to do, go help Andy or pack or anything really. She’s absolutely the type to go for a run because she has nothing else planned and it clears her head, or the one to stress bake in the middle of the night to keep her hand busy, or who would learn to knit because reading isn’t enough to keep her brain in track she has to do something concrete with her hands. People telling her to calm down, stop jerking her legs or just take a day off awake strong murder urges in her. It’s not like she can help it so let her tear this piece of paper into smaller pieces of paper because she hasn’t been on run in days and she’s going crazy with pent up energy. Patience is vertue that never bothered to visit her.

Joe and arguing.

He loves to pick arguments. He’s the cerebral guy in the team and he will get into heated debates even if it pisses off him, the other person talking, everyone else around the table and the neighbors on the other side of the room. He can’t help it, that’s just in his genes to argue and share his opinions and confront the way other people’s brain work. The best kind of arguments are about the most pointless and petty things like how to drink your coffee, the best time to nap, which citrus is the best or the correct way to store books. The haggling falls under that category too, Yusuf “son of a merchant” al-Kaysani was raised right by his baba and he knows a scam when he sees one, no he will not calm down that price is twice it’s value, you thief.

Nicky and gambling.

He just likes it. Knows he shouldn’t but he enjoys the excitation of a bet and the risk involved and the thrill of winning too much to stop. As soon as an opportunity to bet arise it’s like a switch in his brain cut off all common sense coursing through him. He can hold back if the situation is dire but with enough teasing and ribbing he will take part even into the most stupid and useless bets, yeah, 20 bucks that chicken gets to the barn before the goat does. I have to thank @polarcell for this one, wouldn’t have thought of it without her posting about it and the image of calm and collected Nicky going feral over bets and just running headfirst into them is an incredibly humanizing quality that I appreciate.

Booker and alcohol.

Goes into the unhealthy side in the movie but I truly believe he’s the kind of man who would sell his kidney to get that bottle of good liquor he’s been eyeing all week, if not dying in the process, simply because he likes the taste of this one. The kind of man to be a snobby asshole over wine and good whiskey from time to time but mostly he wants to share it with his friends (ie. the small family that gets all the best alcohol he can find to drink with them). A bit of a social drinker I think too, like Andy with food: it’s best when it’s shared.

+ Bonus:

Lykon and adrenaline.

Have you seen the way that man smiled at Andy when he was almost gutted by a spear in a fight? You can’t tell me Lykon wasn’t the og Jackass back in BCE time. He can be calm and collected but present him with the opportunity to ride a wild beast or jump off a cliff/waterfall/ravine and he will do it. A bit of a thrill-seeker, often getting himself, and then Andy and Quynh too, into trouble because he just couldn’t help it, it seemed too fun. He’s here for a good time not a long one and a long one too. If he was still alive he would 100% be the kind to discover motorcycle, promptly dies about 10 times riding it too fast, and then enroll in a circus just to jump through on fire hoops every night. He would have been so thrilled when humanity started to invent stuff to fly too, just imagine him grinning as he jumps off a plane with the first-ever parachute strapped on his back.

[freckled-words]

Fake It Till You Make It

This is a re-post.

This was originally prompted with “I told my sister I have a boyfriend so she’d stop trying to set me up with people, but now she’s coming to visit and I’m in too deep. I need a fake boyfriend, ASAP!”

Love to my editor @the-wild-ego

There were some days that Mare had to ask himself, “Why did I decide to befriend this person?”

That morning, the question came to the forefront of his mind. What else was he supposed to think when you barged into his bedroom, at nine in the morning?

You were a whirlwind of frantic energy, with a coffee in one hand and your keys in the other. You had simply rushed into his pitch black bedroom and began ranting while turning on his bedside light.

“Mare, I have an emergency. Not the same kind of emergency where I ripped my pants on presentation day. No, this is a Sister Emergency. By that, I mean she just would not shut up!”

Being a bounty hunter, by default, made Mare a night person. Nine in the morning was far too early for him. He growled into his pillow, trying desperately to block out your voice. He had his usual night out, canvassing for a hook-up and a pay break. He hadn’t crawled into bed until 3am.

You sat on the edge of his bed, your attention more on the space in front of you rather than on your friend trying to ignore you. “She was doing it AGAIN! Needling me about this friend, or that friend that’s single and would be promising for me. I could not take it anymore, Mare, I just wanted her to stop!”

Mare curled himself into a smaller ball under his blanket, hoping you would conclude your rant and then leave. He’d have a proper talk with you about your problems later.

“SoItoldherthatIalreadyhadaboyfriendandnowshe’scomingtovisitandwantstomeethim.PLEASEBEMYPRETENDBOYFRIEND!”

Mare’s sleep deprived brain relished in the silence that followed this last blurt. He was just starting to pass out again, and then he realized what it was you said.

He lifted the corner of his pillow, allowing you to see his bleary eyed glare. In turn, he got to see your absolutely pathetic expression with hopeful, puppy dog eyes. 

You didn’t budge, despite the chill he was sending your way. If Mare didn’t help you out, your next choice would demand a cost for the favor. 

“No.” Mare growled this just before burying himself under his pillow again.

Not accepting this answer, you launched yourself at him. You laid on top of him, bouncing you whined, “Pleeeeease Mare! It’ll only be for a few hours. Pleeeeeaaaaaase! I’ll owe you the biggest favor in the world for this!”

In a blur of movements, that left you disoriented, you suddenly found yourself buried under Mare’s blanket, and Mare on top of you. Fed up with your whining, Mare had knocked your arms out from under you, flipped over beneath his blanket, grabbed you in the blanket, then rolled you under him. 

His brown eyes were tinged grey as his power fed off his grouchy mood, “I will do this, once, and only once, after that you will tell your sister we broke up, and you will never use me for your fake boyfriend again…. You’ll also do my laundry for the next two months.”

Pinned as you were, the only part of you Mare could see were your eyes. Your gush of enthusiasm was muffled,“YES! Thank you, thank you!” You were grateful for the blanket covering your face, as the blush on your cheeks might have made Mare a bit suspicious.

Groaning, Mare got off and made his way to the kitchen to make a cup of espresso. He was going to need three of them before he was ready to leave the house. His sleep addled brain also needed some help to process his jumble of thoughts. If it weren’t for the rude wake up call, Mare wouldn’t have any hesitation in agreeing. This would be a good way for him to, at least, get a chance at experiencing what he’d been considering for some time.

You waited until Mare was out of sight before calling out to him, “One more thing! It needs to be today, she’ll be here at noon!” 

The resulting clatter of something being dropped, followed by Mare’s swearing, convinced you to stay where you were under the blanket.

A couple hours later….

You sat next to Mare, out on the patio section of your local Cactus Club. It was a restaurant that people, wearing work casual clothes, or even suits, tended to go to for lunch. They catered to meetings, but didn’t discriminate against more casual guests. 

You currently felt lumped in the casual category, dressed in your jeans, sneakers, and a zipper sweater. Mare was good looking enough to be considered well dressed, even in his black t-shirt, black denim jacket, and dark blue jeans. 

Your sister, Melanie, looked ready to become the next president of the United States. An off-white blouse; smoke grey blazer; black, form fitting pants; gold, chain necklace; tiny, gold, hoop earrings; and her hair pulled up in a tight bun. 

Melanie worked in the corporate world, and had been a go-getter all her life. She was a good, big sister, didn’t tease or make snide comments about your life. She’d pick a little, wanting to help you strive to the top of whatever field you were interested in.  For Christmas she always gave you a classy new outfit, that usually were to your tastes. Those Christmas outfits were a blessing for job interviews over the years.

“It’s really nice to meet you, Mare. I’ve heard about you over the years, and I know you two were friends, I was just waiting for the day you two got together.” Melanie practically crooned as she said this, her eyes on the menu in front of her.

Mare raised a brow at you, “You’ve been telling your family about me?”

Your eyes were glued to your menu as well, debating between the chicken tenders or the quesadilla, “Sure, you’re my best friend. It reassured my parents to know I had someone looking out for me.”

Mare made no comment, deciding instead to casually slip his arm around your shoulders, squeezing you against him with a teasing smile. 

Melanie caught this over the top of her menu, and noted the blush both wore. She was happy she spotted this, as Mare took back his arm and their blushes faded.

Her decision made, Melanie closed her menu and settled her gaze on Mare, “So, tell me, how did it happen? What changed to make you go from friends to lovers?”

Tough, paranormal, bounty hunter that Mare was, he still blushed alongside you at the word ‘lovers.’

You were quick to answer, having anticipated the question in advance, “It was one of those realization moments, ya know? We were hanging out at his place, venting about our jobs, and I just felt like, it was easy. It’s always been easy, and with him being so good looking, it was a no brainer for me to ask.”

Melanie rested her elbows on the table, her fingers locked together as she listened, “You asked? Just right then and there? That’s not usually your style, normally you take weeks to get up the nerve just to talk to a guy you’re head over heels for.”

Mare chuckled, “Y/N didn’t confess their love or anything, they just asked if we could try.” 

You smiled warmly, appreciating Mare jumping in, and adding to the illusion of them being a couple.

Melanie smiled, relaxing back in her seat, “That’s rather mature for you, being on your own has really helped your growth.”

From there things fell into an easy pattern of conversation, thankfully with Melanie wanting to learn a little more about Mare, and sharing stories of common interests.

By the time they’d had their food delivered, along with some drinks, it felt more like a group of friends hanging out than a couple under scrutiny from the big sister.

The three of you were nearly done eating when the bill was brought over. You reached to take it, and to your surprise, Mare grabbed it first, “I’ve got this. It was a treat getting to meet you, so I may as well treat you both in return.”

You and Melanie made a kind of snort/scoff at the same time, which embarrassed Melanie, as she tried to refrain from ever doing it in public. Mare thought it was cute that you two shared something like that. 

Just as he opened the slim, black folder with the bill inside, movement caught his eye. Turning to look he froze.

Taking the order from an elderly couple, three tables down, was Jacob Matthews. Mare had been trying to find the guy for weeks! He was wanted for an armed robbery. If Mare brought him in, he was looking at a whopping $5,000 upon delivery.

Smiling pleasantly back at you and Melanie, Mare put the bill back down, “If you’d excuse me a moment, I have a work matter to take care of.” 

You paled. You’d been with Mare once before, when a ‘work matter’ arose suddenly. Before you could tell Mare to leave it he was hopping out of his seat, his smoke pooling in his hands to form a semi-solid length of rope.

Melanie gaped, “Uh… Y/N… remind me what his job is again?”

“Mr. Matthews, I’d like to have a word with you!” 

Jacob Matthews looked at who was calling him out, recognized Mare, and immediately bolted.

Grinning at being given a chase, Mare swung his rope around and up in a lasso. Patrons rushed out of their chairs, clearing the space that Jacob was approaching, and where Mare was walking past.

Mare tossed the lasso forward and it immediately honed in on it’s target. The noose snagged onto Jacob’s ankle, allowing Mare to yank back hard. Thrown off, Jacob did a massive face plant onto the floor, just inches from the employees only entrance.

Covering your face with your hands you groaned, “It’s his job to make a big fucking scene.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After Mare had secured Jacob in the back of his car, he’d come back and paid for the bill. The smile on his face was the brightest, happiest thing you’d seen him wear in months. 

Melanie’s opinion of Mare, thankfully, didn’t change too much. She even dared to make a joke about it, “If he can do that to catch a criminal, just be sure to use a really good safe word when playing in bed.”

She’d said this to you in a whisper, leaving Mare confused as to why you were suddenly blushing and spluttering. 

She gave Mare a hug and demanded he keep you safe. 

He smiled over at you with a wink, “That was always the plan.”

Once Melanie had driven off you fully relaxed, “Well that wasn’t the complete nightmare I thought it might turn into. Thanks for putting up with the charade.”

“It wasn’t any different than a normal outing for us. Just a little lying mixed in this time.” 

You walked alongside him back to his car. When you reached the front passenger door, Mare put a hand out that kept you from opening it.

“You know… it doesn’t have to be a lie.”

You blinked up at him. If you weren’t mistaken, that was an adorable blush on his cheeks. 

Tilting your head a bit, so his eyes would meet yours, you asked, “Are you asking seriously, or are you just getting off on the adrenaline from earlier?” You jerked your thumb at the tied up Jacob in the backseat of his car.

His mouth twitched with a smirk, “I’ve actually been meaning to ask you out for a while… you just always seemed indifferent to me, and I didn’t want to lose what we have.”

The air in your lungs whooshed out. Stepping back from him you felt your face heat up with a blush of your own, “It’s not that I’m indifferent… just…. comfortable? And what was I supposed to think when I’ve seen all the partners you drag to bed?!” You gestured to yourself, as though to remind him of exactly how you looked.

Mare’s smirk came out in full as he closed the distance between you in a couple easy steps. Leaning in close, he asked with an almost purr to his tone, “And who’s fault is it, that I’ve been dragging so many one night stands to bed, hmm? Maybe I’ve been trying to scratch a particular itch, that none of them can satisfy.”

You didn’t dare move, much less breathe! You’ve never had this side of Mare unleashed on you, and it was causing your brain to fight itself between terrified and exhilarated. 

“I…. um…..”

“You two are hot to watch and all, but if you’re going to bring me in, can you just do it already? I’m sweating to death back here.”

The simmering heat in Mare’s eyes froze over. You could only give Jacob a pitying stare when Mare leveled his glare on the man. You heard Jacob yip and watched him squirm as the smoke rope began to heat up. You knew, from experience, that it would get just hot enough to be really uncomfortable, but not painful. If Jacob had been sweating before, he was going to be a dried out husk in a puddle of his own sweat by the time they reached the police station. 

Able to get your thoughts back in order, you gave Mare a friendly poke to the chest, “Come on cowboy, let’s get this varment to the sheriff. We can talk more about us over some ice cream after.”

Mare rolled his eyes, but he was smiling again. He opened the front passenger door, and as you went past him to sit, he snuck a kiss to your cheek. 

That was his first stolen kiss, and it certainly wouldn’t be his last. He’d make sure of that.

[nqbuddy]

Richard Hollingum looks at the competitive business of ranking rural idylls…

Many years ago I was involved in my village’s entry to the Village of the Year Competition.

I remember that it involved finding lots of evidence of how our village worked, what made it tick and what sense of community was there being generated. I had only recently moved into the village and this was a good way for me to find out about the village life as well as helping promote it as a possible winner.

Jump forward a decade and this year I was pleased to be asked to become a judge on the Village of the Year’s successor, the Best Village Competition (BVC). It was great fun, meeting lots of enthusiastic villagers, seeing lots of beautiful villages and appreciating what a lot of lights we have in Northamptonshire tucked well away, deep inside our bushels.

The awards are organised in conjunction with Northamptonshire Action with Communities in Rural England (NACRE) and despite the name change, the competition essentially remains the same. Villages have to present themselves in as best a light as possible, covering a number of different themes:

Village Life Community Life Business Children & Young People Older People Environment & Sustainability Information Technology

The themes are guided by questions and lists of things to consider. The application forms are designed to assist in the reflection of the community and not to provide hoops for villages to jump through.

Village Life is all about the sort of activities that go on, such as clubs and societies that meet, fetes and dances, scouts and music. In fact any sort of activity that involves villagers coming together. Mind you, its all very well organising these things but how does the village know something is on? And if you are new to the village, what advice and introductions are given to you?

Beyond these social activities, entrants are asked how well does their community contribute to its better and greater good? How does it support community activities, such as getting people to hospital, raising funds for a major work, providing facilities or access to facilities for children and young people.

You have probably got the idea by now. The job of the team putting together the application is to know how the village works, what its strengths and weaknesses are and can explain and demonstrate to others how these feature in plans. The applications are submitted and then the judging starts.

Judging is great. We get to see villages in a detail that we may not have if we had only driven through them. And its great to learn about the number of coffee shops popping up in churches, the work to plant wild flowers on the urban-style verges, the pride in the community, what it stands for and what it does. You learn about the closure of the village shop or pub and then of the enthusiasm of villagers aspiring to set up their own community one in its place. And you learn that the village is not only just the place, nor only just the people but it is the way the two work together, for the now and for the future.

You also get to see the unusual. Apparently the only ecclesiastical stained glass window featuring a smoking person is that in Great Cransley’s church, showing Churchill and Roosevelt on a sofa having a chat and a smoke.

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The overall winner of the BVC this year was Moulton (pop 3454), a village that scored well on each of the categories. It could be said that Moulton has a number of advantages over Little Brassington (pop 401) as it is very large, it is on the outskirts of Northampton and thus has a lot of things on its doorstep. However, many other villages a fraction of its size scored better in some of the categories, it just happens that this year Moulton came out on top. Last year (2017) the winners were Blisworth (pop 2867). The year my village was involved, Creaton won (pop 500).

The population issue is taken into consideration at the start as villages enter according to their size category. 2018 it was under 500, 501-3000 and 3001-6000. The winners of each category automatically have a chance of becoming the Overall winner as well. There is also an award for newcomers. The winners this year were:

Large Village: Moulton Medium Village: Weedon Bec Small Village: Rothersthorpe Newcomers: Kilsby

All the winning villages are thriving and energetic. They have lots going on that involves all parts of the community and the community is proud of the village.

The judges visit to Moulton was packed with discussion and meeting lots of different people doing lots of different things. We were met in their new community centre by Jane Austin, the Executive Officer and Parish Clerk, Gina Bech and Mary-Jane Brown, Moulton Community Connector.

Mary-Jane had the responsibility of showing the visitors round the village: we visited a residential home that has a lot of volunteer support, were shown round the primary school, looked in at the church and ended up at the allotments. Deciding what to show judges is always difficult as there is only a limited amount of time available in the rules for the visit. Moulton wanted to showcase the health and well-being side of things, something that the village has been working hard on for a number of years.

Mary-Jane says that this emphasis has grown naturally out of what was already happening the village “there were several great classes and groups going on – we’ve just connected them even more.” Moulton also wanted to give a good overview “We wanted to show a good cross-section of the community” says Mary-Jane “and as the Community Connector it was really easy for me to connect with the school, the allotments, all the places the judges visited.”

On top of this we were given the village welcome pack prepared for new inhabitants, and had our own walk round the centre of the village. Whilst placed on the edge of Northampton may be seen as an advantage it does bring a number of difficulties, not least of which is maintaining that village feel and experience and the need to retain its own identity.

At the other end of the scale, small villages work equally hard at maintaining that village feel, that sense of community, sense of being a community. Nothing can unsettle that idyllic village life yet bring out a strong community spirit, like the closure of a pub or shop, or the encroachment of large box-shaped warehouses complete with lorries and lights. Each village is different. Each village is unique. And it is these things, this individuality and this ability to deal with whatever life throws at them that makes villages great places to live in, to visit and to celebrate.

But what about the effort? Why enter the competition? For Mary-Jane and her colleagues at Moulton, this was easy: “We are really proud of what we have here in Moulton. We have a vibrant community, we have a lovely new community centre and we work closely with so many different groups. We wanted to show how much we love the place.” But it was not all about being self-centred. “We wanted to highlight to the rest of the County how wonderful our village is, but at the same time we wanted to be an example to other villages, particularly regarding setting up a community hub and organising a Good Neighbour Scheme.”

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Has it been worth it then? For Mary-Jane and the others in the team and for the people of Moulton, the answer is a resounding yes. “It has given a lot of people a pat on the back. There are so many people working hard to make the community of Moulton a great place to be, that this tells them that it is really worth it.”

Until the awards night, the names of the winners are a closely guarded secret, known to only a few. The celebrations start with a light-hearted photography quiz to see who can recognise the more obscure views of their village and then proceed to the awards themselves.

“We were all really excited on the night” recalled Mary-Jane. “We hoped that we would win the Large Village category and we were very happy when we did. However, when we won the Overall Winner category we were so proud. Not proud for us but for all the people of Moulton who do so much for the community – all the people that make Moulton a great place to live.”

The Best Village Competition is being renamed for 2019, and is to be sponsored by the Council for the Protection of Rural England (CPRE) and supported by NACRE. Details about the next competition will be being posted out to parish councils in the next month. If you think your village should enter the 2019 competition, contact your parish clerk or Rebecca Breakwell at NACRE on 01604 825884 or email Rebecca at rebecca.breakwell@northantsacre.org.uk.

How do you decide which is the best village of all?

Richard Hollingum looks at the competitive business of ranking rural idylls… Many years ago I was involved in my village’s entry to the Village of the Year Competition.

How do you decide which is the best village of all? Richard Hollingum looks at the competitive business of ranking rural idylls... Many years ago I was involved in my village’s entry to the Village of the Year Competition.