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dollsuguru · 5 months

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Request: Getou feels bad for secretly liking Gojo’s gf and making excuses to touch her.

the enormity of my desire disgusts me.

contents: f!reader, one-sided love, obsession, cursing, touching (not unwanted but the intention is unbeknownst to reader as geto makes it a point to always want physical contact w them), mentions of self-destructive behaviors, guilt, & delusions. w.c: ~ 2.3k

a/n: hi! tysm for requesting :’) this is my first ever request/first time writing so please bear w me & i hope you enjoy! constructive criticism is totally welcome! <3

guilt creeps up suguru’s throat like a slithering serpent.

it crawls around the base of his tongue, writhing farther down, embedding its fangs into the flesh of his throat. a raw, mangled, bloody mess left in its wake.

remorse, witnessing the disarray that guilt’s plight leaves, frantically tries to discern where a home can be made. perhaps it can dance along his ribcage. pirouetting across his bones until it reaches a bloody cavern where it can dwell within a hole burrowed deep inside suguru’s heart.

maybe all of this despair can be washed away… a desire to cleanse his palate & purge his feelings away persists, yet he doesn’t allow himself the reprieve.

instead, he decides to swallow his shame down like a bitter whiskey, relishing in the thorn-like pin prickles. the harsh amber reflecting in his fatigued, glassy eyes.

the ache serves as a reminder.

suguru figures that the sharp gnawing pain that spikes his heart & torments his throat is the very least he deserves.

his therapist did say he had a tendency to wallow in his self-destructive thoughts. delude himself & cyclically make bad choices which turned into bad habits. but what’s another bad decision to him? a pyromaniac to his very core; suguru would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t enjoy playing with fire.

allowing himself a moment of respite, he fishes out a cigarette he stole out of shoko’s purse from the left pocket of his leather jacket. a silver heart-shaped vivienne westwood lighter in the right. he takes it out, rolling it softly in his warm palm, lackadaisically playing with the switch. imagining the cold metal were your cold hands instead, his own seeking to offer up warmth for your comfort. he gazes softly at the flame; flickering on and off. on and off. on and off. a burning fire reflected in his eyes. a burning desire razing his heart.

the whole world in the palm of his hands — the heart you presented to him.

(a gift from you to him — you begged him to quit smoking, it was bad for his health and you wanted him to be there in the future as best man at yours & satoru’s wedding. with a tight-lipped smile & crinkled eyes, he said he would.

always the deceiver.

you lit up, gaze softening while telling him to specifically use this lighter to light up the teakwood candle you bought him for his birthday. his smile turned fond, eyes crinkled softly with genuine mirth & adoration, he said he would. and he did.

always the sentimentalist.)

bringing the cigarette to his lips, he exhales a puff of smoke, allowing his low-lidded gaze to flit across the room. the warm lights illuminating the grungy bar, a favorite of nanami’s & shoko’s.

he reminisces on the days where both of you would talk for hours. from deep conversations about space, morality, your futures & pasts, to asking each other about what food you’d eat for eternity (cold zaru soba noodles for him, any form of potato for you), savory or sweet (both of you chose savory — suguru relishes in the fact that he has a connection with you on this), & if you two would still be best friends if the other one was a worm (both of you answered yes — you’d build a terrarium where wormguru could play & suguru would keep you in his pocket not caring if he’d be dubbed the weirdly hot worm-man.) from the serious to the silly, suguru felt his chest bloom with tender warmth. from the bottom of his heart, he knows that in this world and any others, he could truly be himself with you.

a soft sigh escapes him, a small smile gracing his face thinking about his memories with you. calling the bartender over for another drink after he downs his whiskey, he drawls out, “give me somethin’ sweet.”

he turns back around to the crowd of strangers, unintentionally smiling. he finds a few pretty boys & girls gawking at him, hyping themselves and each other up to go talk to him. he sees a few more pretty boys & girls looking away from his intense gaze, too shy to go up to him, praying instead that he’ll go to them.

the grin that previously took residence on his face falters. he finds himself upset that they’d think his smile was reserved for any one of them. none of them pique his interest per usual, & he hopes that the bags underneath his eyes, his myriad of piercings & tattoos, chipped black nail polish, and overall resting bitch face will stop anyone from coming near him.

(he knows it won’t. people often went after suguru and not satoru. he was always more caring, more in tune with his emotions with an air of magnetic mystique, unlike his brash, loud, & arrogant counterpart.)

suguru intakes a sharp breath, surprising himself with the haughty & bitter thought against his best friend, quickly washing it down with a sweet daiquiri hoping to honey the words in both his throat & mind, while simultaneously praying that it would soothe his heart.

slightly more alert, his gaze wanders around the room again. tired eyes widening slightly, lighting up greatly when he sees you.

there you were in all of your glory.

sitting leisurely, a leg swung upon the other, arm resting over the back of the tattered red vinyl couch, the very same one you both had countless conversations on. how were you so effortlessly cool? you could do anything and suguru would revel in it — drawn to you like a moth to a flame.

and like a moth, he found himself gliding across the bar towards you, his feet moving faster than his brain. his body demanding that it be near you, that it be graced with your presence. with a flick of his ring-clad fingers, his cigarette is crushed underneath his black boots. a piece of strawberry gum is popped inside his mouth along with another reapplication of vanilla lip balm to his lips to make sure that you knew they were soft to the touch.

with his heart beating ridiculously fast, he takes a deep breath before he stands in front of you, your perfume enveloping his senses making him slightly delirious from how delectable you smell. he prays that the blush dusting his cheeks fools you into thinking that he just drank too much; that it’s not because of you peering up at him through your lashes with your pretty eyes that are now affectionately directed towards his own.

“yo! suguru! long time no see!” you wave as you get up to greet him, a massive grin overtaking your face, eyes almost crinkled shut because you’re so excited to see one of your best friends.

without warning, suguru envelops you into a tight hug. his left hand placed against your lower back while his right hand cradles your head against his chest, your cheek pressing against his beating heart. suguru places his chin on the top of your head, craning his face slightly to get a whiff of your shampoo, ghosting a faint kiss on your hair that he knows you don’t feel, relishing in this moment with you. for a few seconds he can pretend… he deserves that much at least, he figures.

he could stay holding you in his arms forever, your body pressed up against his, protecting you from everything & everyone bad in this world, shielding you from predatory eyes around the bar. fucking wolves, the lot of them — suguru contemptuously thinks. it’s a good thing you’re here in his arms, suguru muses, confident in his ability to keep you safe.

as quickly as that thought dashes through his brain, you pull away. not wanting to alarm you with his panic that you’d leave him, a tight grip stays around your waist, forcing you to sit back down. he positions himself right next to you, his thighs touching your own, his right arm draped across your shoulder.

something that you can consider friendly.

something that he can consider more than that.

affectionate, no matter which way you take it.

“it’s been a while.” a fond smile beams across his face, bright amber eyes desperately glazing over your face. you’re so close to him and he’s so attentive to you, he imagines that the boy across the bar must think you both look like a couple. the pleasure suguru derives from that thought is second to none. you do look like you’d be his. he’s certain that he looks like he’d be yours, if his devoted nature is anything to go by.

he takes a a few strands of your hair, twirling them slightly around his fingers. “what are you doing here anyways? i wish i saw you before, we could’ve hung out!” suguru teasingly pouts, lips slightly jutted out, his eyes twinkling with playful mirth.

“tell me about it,” you playfully whine. “thankfully i just got here so we have plenty of time to hang out! don’t worry, i’ll make up for it so you can forgive me.”

“you never have to apologize for anything.” seriousness takes over his tone. suguru doesn’t want you to ever feel bad, even as a joke. not wanting to make you uncomfortable with his tense energy, he eases up his features and winks, “don’t worry your pretty little head about it, i’ll let you off the hook this time.”

you bark out a laugh which makes him elated, glad that he was able to make you smile. “sugu, you’re way too sweet! and ooh — you asked what i was doing here! toru wanted to chill out here for a bit, said if he didn’t get to drink a virgin piña colada right this second he’d faint.” you gaze around the bar, muttering under your breath, “he should be on his way here soon…”

right… satoru.

suguru feels his mouth get dry by the second, a venomous pang of guilt daggers his heart. his eye twitches along with his fingers, wondering if he should take his arm off of you.

if satoru saw this would he just consider it friendly touching? would he think that suguru was trying to make the moves on you? would he scream in his face about how can his best friend stab him in the back this way? the bitter taste of betrayal coats suguru’s tongue like a curse, and before he can do anything about it, a big SMACK! on his shoulder wakes him out of his trance.

“SUGUUUUUUUU! I MISSED YOUUUUUUU!” satoru bursts out onto the scene loudly, holding both your & suguru’s shoulders from behind the couch, bringing you two towards each other in a massive hug. with satoru’s face in the middle, smooshing both of your & suguru’s cheeks against his, suguru can’t help but feel a gnawing sense of shame.

satoru, affectionate as ever, kisses you both on the cheek. snowy hair ruffling with his actions, aquamarine eyes twinkling as bright as starlight, white eyelashes fluttering against the pink blush hued upon his soft cheeks. from here, suguru can see the light dusting of freckles on satoru’s nose, & the lightest sheen of gloss on his pink lips. no doubt from kissing you before he got here.

a twisted part of suguru is thankful for the kiss on the cheek, your glossy residue imprinted on his skin. an indirect kiss, he muses.

“sorry it took so long, i had to park so far away. hope you didn’t miss me too much, angel.” satoru pecks you on the cheek again, cheekily stealing an upside down kiss on the lips from you while he’s at it.

“no worries baby, i had sugu to keep me company.” you smile wide, eyes softening as satoru smoothes down your hair.

suguru forgot.

satoru trusts him with his entire life. with you.

the loud, brash, arrogant, self-centered boy suguru knew as a teen had grown up. cleaning up his act the moment he met you. enamored with your beauty, kindness, & personable nature — satoru fell deeply in love. he was still loud, but only to proclaim his love on the rooftops for you. he was brash at times but never with you. his arrogance was also truly never unfounded, he was just that confident in his own self and in the relationship he could have with you. suguru still thinks satoru can be self-centered at times, but never about you.

satoru puts you forward in every single aspect of his life — devoted. loyal. faithful. unbelievably constant with his love & adoration for you. your perfect other half.

your true soulmate.

you’re his one and only. and he’s yours.

“satoru! it’s been a while.” suguru prays the loud music can cover up the slight crack in his voice. he can feel his throat constricting like a python, he coughs to clear it, wanting to rid himself of the strangling feeling. he does what he does best in that moment: putting on a facade. a tight-lipped smile along with crinkled eyes graces his features, and he hopes that both you & satoru mistake it for pure happiness.

“you good, man?” satoru tilts his head like a puppy, looking at him questioningly. you do the same, concern clouding your beautiful eyes. he’s terrified that you both could see right through him.

“yeah.” suguru whispers quietly.

the ache that torments his throat & spikes his heart serves as a reminder.

he puts his warm hand over your cold ones in a comforting gesture. for who would it bring solace? he doesn’t know. at this point in time, he can’t bring himself to care. “just the summer heat.”

he brushes his thigh against yours once again, fiddling with your fingers softly. he figures he can allow himself this.

glancing into your eyes, his reflection stares back him.

he accepts that living with this ache of shame & this disgusting sense of desire is the very least someone like him deserves.

he figures he should allow it to devour him.

#geto suguru x reader #getou suguru x reader #geto x reader #<- not really that’s just in geto’s mind #gojo satoru x reader #gojo x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #wanted to make this a deep dive in his psyche but also wormguru came to me in a dream and i had to mention it or i’d die #toji’s worm took one look at suguru & called him mommy… it was onto something… suguru gives mean hot girlfriend energy 95% of the time #my writings #personal

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twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat · 2 months

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been thinking of getohime/reader lately….. 😵‍💫😵‍💫 this is just a short word vomit i needed to get off my chest <3

for some reason i’m imagining a college au for them right. a uni au if you will .

but like. imagine. it’s your first week, everyone’s still adjusting, you just so happen to get them as partners for a group project…. and they’re just. kind of hard not to love? they’re both so intelligent and competent and helpful, so kind and easy to talk to.

effortlessly charming.

suguru who brings you both coffee when you meet up for the project early in the morning, and waves you off when you try to pay him back. effortless. utahime who goes to the cafeteria to get you more when you run out, knowing the lines will be absolutely hellish. effortless — even when you catch her almost tripping over her own two feet as she nears your table.

geto and his kind eyes, utahime and her comforting smiles. their cozy sweaters and pretty hands and half-rim glasses. effortless, effortless, effortless.

it’s just a project, you barely even know them, but conversation flows so easily, and time passes so quickly. they’re both smart and maybe a little bit bossy, but in a good way — a we’ve already started on the outline while the other groups haven’t even decided on a topic kind of way. a fact they’re both evidently smug about, but they hide it well, tuck it in between upturned lips and crinkled eyes.

it’s nice to work with people who won’t slack off, people who take their studies seriously. it’s even nicer to work with people who smile when you meet their eyes, who ask if you have any pets while showing you pictures of their own, who purr out a satisfied good work when you’re done for the day.

they’re nice. charming. you’re friends before you know it, and suddenly utahime is waiting for you outside the university every morning, suguru is taking a seat next to you whenever you have lectures together. you share pictures of your cats in the group chat you made and complain about how vague your professor’s instructions are. you learn that suguru likes to tease, that utahime can be snarky, that she laughs at her own jokes with a cute little snort. that suguru secretly likes the gossip he pretends not to indulge in.

suguru brings you coffee, utahime gets you more; he thanks her and she smiles, you thank her and it grows. and so on.

so, really, it’s a coincidence. a stroke of luck, that you were paired up with them, that it happened so early that none of you really had the chance to establish any other friend groups. other things weren’t coincidental, like the fact that you’re so close in age, that all of you are crippling people pleasers, that you have a tendency to get attached a little too quickly.

the group project goes well, obviously. very well. again, you see the smugness in their smiles, their crinkled eyes — show offs, you think, but they’re cute about it. suguru tells you that you did well, utahime does the same. when you return the statement their smiles grow just a little wider, and you think nothing of it because that’s just how they are — effortlessly warm.

at this point, you’ve wriggled your way into each other’s routines. so nothing changes, even after you receive your passing grade. you still walk to class together, still choose to sit side by side in the lecture hall. you never delete the group chat, and the cat pictures keep coming. your friend group grows; suguru has known a guy from the physics department since middle school, utahime is good friends with a biology major. you eat lunch together, go to the nearby convenience store between lectures. study in each others’ dorms. they’re all pretty lovely.

but you, and suguru, and utahime have a special kind of bond — the kind where you could sit together in complete silence, and anyone passing by would still be able to tell you were friends. silences are always comforting, their smiles always warm.

they dote on you a lot. satoru and shoko make fun of them for it; every time utahime absently adjusts your scarf, when suguru ties your shoelaces without being asked to. you’re always in the middle, squished between them in crowded trains, right arm linked with utahime’s, touching pinkies with suguru to your left. utahime blows on your coffee before giving it to you, suguru lets you rest on his shoulder when you’re sleepy. and so on.

and yeah, it’s kind of embarrassing, but they’re just… really casual about it? effortless, as always. like it comes to them without thinking.

but satoru and shoko still find it funny, still won’t stop referring to them as your mama and papa, won’t stop pulling your cheek and teasing you until suguru and utahime come to your rescue. which only really proves their point.

it’s a joke, obviously. none of it should be taken seriously.

… but, as you grow closer, and time passes, you think to yourself that maybe you are a bit of a third wheel.

because they look so good together. matching glasses, matching sweaters, matching wits and brains. they keep up with each other so effortlessly, joking around, indulging in idle banter, talking about some baseball game they both watched last night. it’s not like they ever make you feel left out; doting on you comes easy, and they make sure you’re always comfortable.

that’s another joke — that you’re the favorite of the group. the baby. you wish you could believe it.

utahime and suguru are twin suns. bright smiles, warm souls, hearts that always melt when it matters. they shine brighter than anyone else, so you really don’t get a say in loving them.

it’s easy to feel small, in their presence. easy to feel a sting when people mistake them for a couple, even though you have no reason to feel sad about it. they’re your friends. what business do you have in who they choose to date?

that’s what you tell yourself, when you notice them speaking from afar. when they abruptly stop as soon as you’re in earshot. when you catch utahime texting him in the middle of your lecture, when you realize that there are things they can’t talk to you about. things they don’t want to talk to you about.

so, obviously, you assume that this is it. that your destiny is to be their third wheel, the baby of the group, the person they’ll hang out with when they need some variety.

which is fine. obviously. even if it stings.

you know your place.

(what you don’t know is that their little talks consist of sheepish excuses and irritated grumbles, because neither of them can seem to make any kind of progress in their plan to ask you out.

when they eventually muster up the courage to corner you, to tell you, their eyes will be bright and their smiles will be kind. understanding, merciless, so bright it’ll blind you. utahime will hold your hand and suguru will adjust his glasses. they’ll be nervous, but as charming as ever.

effortless, effortless, effortless, in the way utahime will hug you once you say yes, the way suguru won’t manage to stop himself from kissing the bridge of your nose.)

until then, you’ll assume it means nothing. you’ll let them buy you coffee and adjust your scarf and dote on you, and completely miss the playful glares they shoot each other when one of them hogs your attention.