#See Zambia

[hardtchill]

i need help finding the teams i want to support during the world cup. what teams will you follow and why?

I would like to say all, but that's not possible with work

Dutch it's in my contract that i need to watch them or give up citizenship Germany am supposed to hate them but i love me some Lena England i love and hate this team, it intrigues me Philipines ugh, love them Ireland love a rookie

US i will watch knowing i will probably hate every minute of it and turn off a game after the 2nd mention of Horan being captain.

[trustherkindheart]

Who would've thought the US's 1-0 over Ireland would be the best result out of US, England, or Germany in the final run-up

[cruyffista]

i think barbra banda might be the best women's soccer player in the world at the moment

[appleciders]

:(((

[psychotrenny]

I really do think this is the end for Israel. The beginning of the end at least. They're essentially a relic of an earlier time, a time when, through a complex confluence of factors, the military power of Europe was so far beyond the rest of the world that it could openly keep the world in shackles. The Imperial powers of Europe could do as they wished and respond to any resistance with overwhelming violence that, no matter how costly in money or lives or how many years it took, would eventually force open resistance to come to a (temporary) end. You saw exceptions of course, such as Ethiopia's successful repulsion of Italian invaders in the 1890s (although even that victory is somewhat undercut but Italy's more successful invasion about 40 years later), but in the majority of cases even the most brave and intelligent of resistance fighters would see themselves worn down and defeated. Just off the top of my head you have figures like Samori Toure, Omar al-Mukhtar, Samuel Maharero; all inflicted numerous defeats on their European Imperialist enemies but in the end couldn't overcome the sheer force that was arrayed against them.

Of course such supremacy was never absolute even at it's apex, and this height was so very short lived. Resistance never fully stopped; outbursts of violence were frequent and various forms of passive resistance like migration, tax evasion and industrial slowdown were ubiquitous. Resistance movements learned from past failures, acquired the weapons of modern war and soon proved a credible threat to the Imperialist forces that by the middle of the 20th century had exhausted themselves through in-fighting. Whether evicted through direct violence or choosing to leave under the inevitable threat of it, the European powers largely ended their direct domination over the colonised world. That's not to say Imperialism was over, far from it, but it mostly took on subtler forms; more soft power with only the occasional resort to hard. Imperial domination is now more than ever exerted through various local proxies and the broader forces that keep them in check as direct subjugation just isn't especially viable.

In the parts of the world without substantial settler populations this withdrawal was accomplished smoothly enough; most of the Europeans present either left without a fuss or found some sort of niche under the new order of things. But the liberation of colonies with large settler populations was a longer and bloodier process; just compare the French withdrawal from Indochina to that from Algeria or the fate of Northern Rhodesia (now Zambia) to Southern Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe). A large number of Europeans were heavily entrenched in these colonies and had both their material wealth and sense of pride tied to the maintenance of white supremacy. Many politicians back in Europe were less willing to abandon such settler colonies, while with or without support from back home the colonists engaged in their own bloody wars of oppression against indigenous people.

But in the end they all fell. Algeria, Rhodesia, Angola, South Africa, the list goes on. Even as these places continue to suffer under the yoke of less direct Imperialism they can take pride knowing that the scourge of direct setter subjugation was defeated. Exploiting people is one thing; there are many ways you can accomplish this without the exploited truly catching on. But the sort of violence it takes to brazenly steal control of a people's land, settle yourself on it while keeping the original inhabitants as second class citizens is going to engender the fiercest resistance no matter what. The only remotely stable settler colonies are those where the indigenous peoples were already decimated by disease before being subjected to centuries of genocidal policies, reducing their current population to a small minority of the nation. And even then the survives continue to resist fiercely. In places where the settlers remained the minority there was simply no chance of such regimes surviving for long.

Israel as a state is among the last of its kind, and I see no reason why it shouldn't meet the fate of all other such colonies. The way I see it the end of Israel is inevitable. The only question is just how much bloodshed and suffering it'll take. The struggle has been ongoing for so very long. I truly hope that we're seeing the final stages of it, but I suppose only time can tell. All I know for sure is that from from the river to the sea, Palestine will be free

[probablyasocialecologist]

In recent years, the Tanzanian government has forcefully evicted Masai communities in the north of the country from their ancestral land to make way for conservation and tourism. Around 70,000 people are thought to have been affected. The government plans to lease the UAE-based safari company Otterlo Business Corporation (OBC) land to create a wildlife corridor for trophy hunting and elite tourism. Meanwhile, in Liberia, exclusive rights to over 1 million hectares of forest – about 10 per cent of the country’s total land area – could be conceded to a private Emirati company, Blue Carbon, as part of a draft deal. The scheme would see protected forests created in order to generate carbon credits to be sold on voluntary markets or traded between Liberia and other governments, allowing polluting countries or businesses to ‘offset’ their emissions. Blue Carbon has similar deals in Zambia and Zimbabwe. Aissatou Keita, a member of the National Platform of Actors for Climate Justice in Senegal, has described these projects as generating ‘rights to pollute’ for industry. ‘It is clear that carbon projects are put in place by polluters to continue their devastating activities and to restore their image,’ she writes.

[leveloneandup]

Christen Press and Tobin Heath Visit Zambia with Grassroot Soccer

In November 2023, Grassroot Soccer Global Ambassadors Christen Press and Tobin Heath traveled to Lusaka, Zambia to see how Grassroot Soccer Coaches are using soccer, fun, and mentorship to connect young people with life-saving health information and services.

Grassroot Soccer SKILLZ Coaches are mentors from the communities they serve who care about and connect with adolescents so they are inspired to take action on their health. Christen and Tobin spent time speaking with Coaches and also joined them to witness the Community-Based Distribution (CBD) program: an innovative, peer-to-peer approach to adolescent health in which Coaches provide adolescents with access to family planning services in a safe space free from judgment or stigma.

Following their time in Zambia, Christen and Tobin reflected on their time with Coaches and participants on stage at the Ninth Annual Grassroot Soccer World AIDS Day Gala in London.

[frociaggine]

Asking because I don’t know how to tag properly/don’t have enough tlt brainrot followers on my own blog: I had this revelation that New Rho Could be short for “New Rhodesia” which would say a LOT about the original colonists of the planet (the trillionaires(?))

ooh this is juicy! For context: "Rhodesia" was the name given to Zimbabwe and Zambia by the British, after Cecil Rhodes (you may know him from the Rhodes scholarship. also the imperialism)

I started replying to this and it went horribly long so I'm gonna put it under a cut. My tldr is that I don't think it's a direct reference, both because of naming patterns in TLT and because I don't think the trillionaires who escaped earth would be referencing Cecil Rhodes on purpose, but I also don't think it's a wild leap to make.

I'm throwing this in the tags and I'm 👀 to know what people think.

On the name

I always assumed that New Rho was a reference to the greek word / letter Rho (ρ). This would fit both the naming patterns of the Houses (which are partly inspired by classical mythology) AND what little we see of the naming patterns of BoE, who apparently like to name places after ancient or mythological locations on Earth — see also: Lemuria, Ctesiphon wing, Troia cell.

Note that we actually don't know for sure whether "New Rho" is the name given to the planet by the locals or by the Houses — the only person who actually uses that name is Ianthe during her speech, so it may very well be the case that the Empire renamed New Rho unilaterally, and the name doesn't reflect what its actual inhabitants call it. I don't believe that's the case (because, again, it fits with other naming patterns BoE seem to have + to a lesser extent, I think there would have been hints in the text if that had been the case, extra jeerings from the crowd or whatever if they felt strongly that their planet had another name) I'm just bringing this up here for completion's sake.

About the trillionaires:

I've given a lot of thought to the demographic of the TLT fleet. Although IDK how widespread of an opinion this is in the fandom but, personally, I feel pretty strongly that the bunch of ultra-rich people who would have fleed Earth leaving everyone to die would NOT have been the kind of demographic keen to reference British colonialism.

Like, I think it's important to note that the "first wave" of ships that launched from Earth didn't seem to include ANY major politician from a Western country that we know of — they managed until the last moment to keep up the pretence that it was "just" the first of many trips, and to me the lack of panic points to the fact that many public figures weren't on board. The world leader John puppeteers is heavily implied to be the US president, and even he wouldn't have been on board. John's flashback arc pits him very strongly against the global north, but more than that — imo, it's telling that the only sympathetic governments he could get to listen to him were the NZ government and parts of Oceania. It wasn't just John vs. the West, or John vs. OECD countries. It was John vs. the uber-wealthy, and those exist all over the world.

What I'm getting at is: that the trillionaires weren't overwhelmingly white. Many of them would have been USamerican or British or European, but so many people on board those ships would have been Chinese, Indian, Middle Eastern, Russian, Thai etc. I'm thinking about 2024 data on List of countries by share of income of the richest one percent and List of cities by # of billionaires (keeping in mind also that in the NtN flashback arc, the stock market has crashed and the economy is in shambles. I would also assume that many Silicon Valley / tech fortunes have dramatically shrunk, and most "trillionaires" would be people who materially control access to resources.)

Basically what I'm getting at is that, TO ME, the TFL fleet was an escape pod put together by a group of people who had the means to decide they should save themselves and fuck everyone else, rather than a colonising project, and that most of them wouldn't be in a rush to identify themselves with the British empire. Many of them, maybe even a majority, wouldn't be white. They're the scifi equivalent of French noblemen fleeing the revolution. Uber-privileged people who became refugees.

Anyway. This is a book.

Everything I've written above explains why, TO ME, whoever on those ships made it out alive + successfully colonised a plane wouldn't be thinking about the British Empire in an especially positive light. However! TLT as a story doesn't exist in a vacuum, and Taz Muir (who exists in the world, and lives in Oxford) would 100% know who Cecil Rhodes is. I can absolutely believe that she settled on a Greek-mythology-inspired naming pattern and then, out of all the available options, decided to reference the colonialist whose statue got removed while she was writing the book.

[finchwingart]

Do you hope to see a caracal in the wild when you go to Zambia? That would be neat, though I guess they'd be harder to spot than elephants...

omg that'd be a dream, I'm not sure if they're regularly spotted there tho ;_; I'd love to see cheetah too but they're not too common where I'm going either GHDSF I'm not too picky tho, just seeing any african animals in the wild is pretty damn insane and I'm so excited. Elephants and lions are easy to find tho apparently, and even wild dogs and leopards which are harder to come by but apparently quite frequent spots there

[ifthestarsarewilling]

fun facts about the names of the penumbra podcast characters (junoverse specifically cause i haven't watched the other one)

nureyev was a famous male ballet dancer, and peter/petya means rock! petya (the name slip calls nureyev) is actually a female name, as well as being the name of a family of malware. the surname nureyev and the name petya are both russian/eastern european, despite the names of outer rim planets being from a variety of cultures (brahma is a hindu creator god, ranga is an australian word, balder (aka baldur) is a norse god of light and beauty, yama is a hindu god of death/the underworld/justice, osiris is an egyptian god of the afterlife that judged souls, susano-o is a japanese god of thunderstorms).

aurinko means sun! buddy obviously is another word for friend

vespa means wasp, and ilkay means new moon.

so buddy and vespa are literally eachothers sun/moon awwwwww

rita means pearl and is a greek word

juno is the roman goddess of marriage and childbirth, but unlike in greek mythology she has a more warlike aspect! steel is used as a metaphor for being strong and hardy, as well as coming from germanic origins and relating to the german word stahl, to stay.

jet is a type of black semi-precious stone, plus y'know. jet engines, etc. sikuliaq is a boat! a research vessel actually, and the word means 'young sea ice' in the native Iñupiaq language.

m'tendere means peace in chichewa, a language spoken in zambia, malawi, mozambique and zimbabwe

kanagawa means 'god sound river' and is also a city! croesus basically means rich, croesus was a rich king of lydia (also the last king). cecil means blind to ones own beauty or sixth, but i prefer the first interpretation because cecil wears loads of makeup and trys really hard to be this big personality, missing his true beauty on the inside. cassandra was an ancient greek prophetess who was cursed to always see the truth but never be believed, and her documentary ideas making money when she was told they wouldn't is very cool. min means 'minute', 'from' and 'quick' or 'clever' in abbreviations, arabic and korean respectively.

thats all i can be bothered to do for now, more possibly coming later! lmk if anyone wants more!

[not-actually-human]

ooooo uhhh idk if youve seen the recent jrwi episodes so if you havent ignore this but id love to see ur vision of star and zambia...

i cannot express how much i adore them

[zvaigzdelasas]

A cool Atlantic breeze blew across the dusty port in Praia, Cape Verde’s capital, as Mr. Blinken noted that the facility there had been expanded and modernized with nearly $55 million in U.S. aid[...] That project was completed more than a decade ago, but more U.S. development funds were on the way, he said.[...]

After Cape Verde, Mr. Blinken will travel to Ivory Coast, Nigeria and Angola. U.S. officials said he would address a range of issues on his stops, including conflict prevention and political stability after military coups in several countries in recent years.[...]

Mr. Blinken is making his fourth visit to sub-Saharan Africa as secretary of state. A parade of other top administration officials have also visited the continent over the past year, including Vice President Kamala Harris, Defense Secretary Lloyd J. Austin III and the first lady, Jill Biden. But President Biden has yet to follow through on a pledge he made in 2022 to visit the continent, raising doubts about the depth of his commitment — even though Mr. Biden said at a U.S.-Africa leaders summit in Washington in December 2022 that America was “all in” on Africa’s future.[...]

Frustrated by several downbeat questions about security threats and Chinese influence, [Molly Phee, the assistant secretary of state for African affairs,] added, “You guys are bumming me out because you’re not talking about any of the really fun and positive, forward-looking things we’ll be doing.”[...]

One reason [for US interest in Angola] is that the United States is investing $250 million in a rail corridor that would allow the transport of minerals from landlocked areas of Zambia and the Democratic Republic of Congo to Lobito, Angola’s Atlantic port, from which they can be shipped to Europe and the United States. During Mr. Lourenço’s visit, Mr. Biden called the project “the biggest U.S. rail investment in Africa ever.” The corridor helps the United States keep pace with China, which has invested tens of billions of dollars in Angola.

China’s reach extends as far as Cape Verde, where Mr. Blinken’s motorcade drove to a government palace past signage in Chinese reflecting that the compound had been constructed by Beijing.

Oge Onubogu, the director of the Africa program at the Wilson Center in Washington, said that on recent trips to the continent she found confusion about the U.S. agenda there. Africans, she said, clearly understood Russia’s “at times sneaky” security interests, which often take the form of mercenary military partnerships with governments. And China’s economic development projects, she said, created “visible infrastructure that people can actually see and feel.” “But they’re not very clear on what the U.S. is doing,” she said. Biden officials have sought to promote African democracy and condemned military coups in places like Niger and Gabon, she said, while working with authoritarian rulers in other places. “The U.S. talks about democracy strengthening,” Ms. Onubogu added. “But at the same time, we maintain relationships with individuals Africans see as not being democratic leaders. So I think we have a struggle with messaging.” Despite public alarms raised by security analysts, Biden officials bristle at persistent questions about how the United States is countering China’s enormous investments in a continent that increasingly supplies it with oil, minerals and other natural resources. Mr. Blinken will be arriving in Ivory Coast days after a visit by China’s top diplomat, Wang Yi. “It’s you guys [sic], frankly, who frame this as a U.S.-China soccer match,” Ms. Phee told reporters last week. She added: “If China didn’t exist, we would be fully engaged in Africa [sic]. Africa is important for its own sake, and it’s important for American interests.”

22 Jan 24

[shonpota]

These countries? They don't care about humanity in Palestine and that's enough as a reason not eagerly help their government

Don't support their govt. Just shadow banned their govt from any industry.

THOSE WHO ARE AGAINST:

UNITED STATES (very shameless)

AUSTRIA

HUNGARY

CROATIA

CZECH Republic

ISRAEL (this terrorist country, I swear)

Fiji

Guatemala

Marshall Islands

Micronesia

Nauriu

Papua New Guinea

Paraguay

Tonga

Those who are neutral (also useless) :

Albania

Australia (fuck you Aussie, I don't even wanna go there anymore)

Bulgaria (is your brain made of yoghurt??)

Cabo Verde

Cameroon

Canada (begone Canada)

Cyprus (you are a rich country and can't afford humanity?? Even a poor people can afford having humanity.)

Denmark (shame on you)

Estonia (may your internet perish)

Ethiopia

Finland (shame on you 2)

Georgia

Germany (shame on you, you have control in Europe but you are too stupid to use it)

Greece (shame on you)

Haiti

Iceland (are Nordics all war criminals supporter or doesn't have heart???)

India

Italy (I hope their blood is clotted like tomato sauce)

Japan (shame on you, Japan)

Kiribati

Latvia (Baltic countries are stupid)

Lithuania (see? They are stupid)

Monaco (shame on you. May those gamblings facilities in your place never make you prosperous)

Netherland (may your country drown)

North Macedonia

Palau

Panama

Republic of Korea (shame on you)

Republic of Molossia

Romania (may blood epidemic hits you)

San Marino

Serbia

Slovakia (shame on you)

South Sudan

Sweden (all Nordic countries are awful!)

Tunisia (I guess your dates aren't worth buying. Let's just ban dates from Tunisia)

Ukraine (you are actually under similar but better situation with being supported by the West)

Uruguay

Zambia

[have-you-been-here]

April 14th update

Nothing new in the USA, but three new countries worldwide

On the statistics by number (which I send you on Google), America is third place again with 42% countries visited

Thanks for the stats!

Countries we're missing as of today (from what I can see) under the cut:

Americas

Belize

El Salvador

French Guiana

Guyana

Haiti

Honduras

Nicaragua

Paraguay

Suriname

Uruguay

Venezuela

Africa

Benin

Burkina Faso

Burundi

Cameroon

Central African Republic

Côte d'Ivoire

Djibouti

DRC (Democratic Republic of the Congo)

Equatorial Guinea

Eritrea

Gabon

Ghana

Guinea-Bissau

Lesotho

Liberia

Libya

Malawi

Mauritania

Mozambique

Niger

Nigeria

Republic of the Congo

Rwanda

Somalia

South Sudan*

Sudan*

The Gambia

Togo

Western Sahara

Zambia

Zimbabwe

*These appear to be one country on the stats map?

Eurasia

Afghanistan

Azerbaijan

Bangladesh

Belarus

Bosnia and Herzegovina

Brunei

Iraq

Iran

Israel

Kuwait

Kyrgyzstan

Laos

Nepal

North Macedonia

Oman

Qatar

Syria

Tajikistan

Turkmenistan

Oceania

Papua New Guinea

Various islands that are too small to tell

[redhairedwolfwitch]

Not Like We Were Hiding (2/3) - Jill Roord x Reader

Part 1

A/n: Part 1 was 9k words... part 2 is 11k words... I'm a little sorry... enjoy!

///

Moving to Barcelona earlier than what you had previously arranged with the Barcelona side of management left them playing catch-up, although you assured them that you had settled in fine in Barcelona. 

Although you did end up travelling to attend the UEFA Champions League final, Barcelona against Chelsea. You kept hidden, smiling as Barcelona won 4-0 against Chelsea, reminding you of the last time you played against Chelsea, with Jill. Your heart ached slightly as you watched your future teammates dance around and celebrate, before you headed back to your hotel. Travelling to Sweden for the finals had gotten you out of unpacking your belongings and crying over everything you had in London that you no longer did, so that helped somewhat.

Barcelona’s 2020/21 season also included the club winning Copa de Reina and being top of the Primera División, whilst you were training in the park near your new place until you stopped feeling that weight in your chest and nervousness about meeting your new teammates. Plus, you’d seen something on social media that made you want to either throw up or cry. Fans had videoed Jill talking to a Norwegian player who you’d learnt was called Ingrid, and she played at Wolfsburg.

Barcelona’s offseason beginning gave you a chance to breathe, watching the Netherlands perform at the Olympics in Tokyo whenever you could, having jumped out of your chair to celebrate when Jill got her goal against Zambia. You texted her a congratulations before the heartache of not being there to celebrate with her kicked in.

Watching the Netherlands lose against the US made you queasy as you turned off the tv, choosing to sit on your balcony and contemplate what you were doing.

Lieke Martens was the first teammate to contact you a while after the Olympics, (having gotten your phone number from Daan whilst in Tokyo), asking if you wanted to meet for coffee and hang out.

///

Getting your coffees to go, you walked with Lieke to where she wanted to show you, your stomach doing a backflip as you realised she was waving to some people. Your Barcelona teammates, or some of them anyway.

“Sorry to spring this on you, but everyone was so excited to meet some of the new players.” Lieke explained as you sipped your coffee, heading over to the group.

“This is the Arsenal player who played with some of my national teammates!” Lieke announced you like that, leaving you to raise an eyebrow before you froze, recognising a face you thought you wouldn’t see with your Barcelona teammates.

“I thought you played with Wolfsburg?” it slipped out before you could shut your mouth, leaving Ingrid to smile and nod, explaining she was joining Barcelona this season just like you. Ingrid, the player that had been seen with Jill, who you thought would be playing alongside Jill this season, was at Barcelona with you.

Sipping your coffee, you remained silent as Lieke glanced between you and Ingrid in confusion, deciding to introduce you to Rolfö to get rid of the awkward energy.

///

Taking a seat back from it all, you watched some of your new teammates dancing and playing random games with a football someone had brought, continuing to sip on your coffee, your excuse for not joining in being you wanted to finish it. That didn’t mean you were drinking it quickly.

Lieke had come over to sit with you after realising you were alone, the two of you quietly talking as Ingrid walked over first, but Alexia and Jenni weren’t too far behind.

“She did not stop talking about you.” Ingrid’s admission caught your attention as your knee buckled and hit the table in your shock.

“What do you mean?” You asked, fingers unconsciously running over your wrist tattoo as the others fell quiet.

“When I spoke to Jill, she did not stop talking about how much she loves you, and how much she misses you.” Ingrid explained with a sad smile, eyes drifting to your tattoo as Lieke reached for your arm for a closer look.

“That’s Jill’s handwriting… ‘mijn liefde’... my love… Sari mentioned Jill missing someone at camp, but-”

“Jill and I… we didn’t hide, we just didn’t broadcast the fact we were together. Took a while for our Arsenal teammates to find out, they were so confused by it all. I mean, it went from a hookup after winning against Chelsea to dating in about four days, then we were girlfriends after a match against City where one of their attackers landed on top of me. To be honest, we moved so quickly at times but so slowly at others.” You let out a soft breath, your eyes staying on your tattoo as you spoke, so you didn’t see the reactions of Alexia, Jenni, Lieke and Ingrid to your story. 

“It was supposed to be a one night thing, but Jill made her way into my heart and made that tiny place I lived in a home. We wanted to stay together, but Arsenal didn’t want to re-sign me, so we looked at other club offers. Wolfsburg was better for Jill, but they had enough defenders, and none of my offers were even in the same country as Jill’s. In the end, Jill was heading for Wolfsburg, and I ended up here. We couldn’t handle long distance, barely being able to sleep apart when we both lived in London. International breaks with Jill leaving to play with the Netherlands were hell for us both. I think Sari had to deal with a sad Jill way too much,” wiping at your face in case any tears fell, you let out a sad laugh at what you were about to say. 

“I lied when I said I moved to Barcelona recently. I moved after our transfer announcements were made, I, I didn’t want to see the tiny place in London without Jill’s things in it, because then it wouldn’t be home. We weren’t hiding our relationship from the public, we posted on socials, we celebrated goals together and held hands in the streets… one of our last conversations together in person was about how we wished we could handle the distance, and how we’d always love each other. Jill is my liefde. I don’t think I could ever really get over her. She’s also part of the reason I started moving up into midfield… but being underestimated at Arsenal pushed me into being something more, and apparently it was something that caught people’s attention as last season went on… so… that’s me.” You finished monologuing, bringing the coffee to your lips only to pout when you found it was empty.

“Spreek je nederlands? Of alleen maar koosnamen?” Lieke enquired, raising an eyebrow as you smirked back, glancing between Alexia, Jenni and Ingrid who all looked confused.

“Ja, ik spreek nederlands. Meer dan je denkt… plus I’m pretty sure Lisa has a montage of me swearing in Dutch during training. Daan taught me those words though.” You replied, smiling softly at the memory.

“How do you feel now?” Alexia enquired after having what you assumed was a conversation with Jenni through facial expressions alone.

“I miss Jill all the time. We text, call, even video call sometimes, but there’s still that ache, she’s… she’s the love of my life, but she’s over 800 miles away, and it sucks.” You messed with the empty coffee cup until it was taken from your hands by Jenni so you’d look up at her.

“You’ll see her again, when Barcelona plays in the champions league this season!” Jenni smiled, trying to give you something to focus on whilst Lieke tapped away on her phone and Ingrid smiled.

“I think Jill feels the same way you do, she misses you a lot.” Ingrid affirmed, gently patting you on the shoulder in support, nodding as you mouthed ‘thank you’ and an apology to her for earlier.

“You said you two weren’t hiding, yes?” Alexia asked, raising an eyebrow as you got out your phone and opened your instagram to show her and Jenni the photos you were talking about, whilst Ingrid slipped away to talk to Caro, and Lieke looked over your shoulder at your phone like she was anticipating something, but also interested in the photo of you and Jill on your mini golf date.

“Have you ever been bouldering?” You enquired as you got to the footage Lisa had taken of you climbing on the bouldering date with Jill that Lisa and some of your other teammates had crashed.

“Mijn kleine spin…” you whispered, recalling what Jill had called you that day, the warmth in your chest matching the heat in your face as your phone began to ring, revealing that Jill was calling.

“Um, I’m gonna take this… hoi!” you announced, hurrying away to go find somewhere private as Lieke smirked.

“Did you-” Alexia began as Jenni laughed, realising that Lieke had texted Jill, telling her to call you when she saw the message.

///

It hadn’t gone unnoticed by Jill’s Wolfsburg how she had lit up talking on the phone to someone in a mix of Dutch and English, Jill’s national teammates had an inkling though, and it wasn’t like Jill had hidden that she was in a relationship during her last season of Arsenal, but they hadn’t played against you before. They didn’t know about the rising defender/defensive midfielder who caused havoc for opposing midfielders in the WSL. Maybe they’d find out though, if Wolfsburg played against Barcelona in the UWCL, like Jenni said.

///

“Je hebt mijn shirt aan.” Jill smirked, the phone call having turned to a video call after a while, her eyes lingering on how good you looked in her shirt, before her heart reminded her of reality.

“Do you have a problem with that? I’m pretty sure you have some of my clothes with you too.” You asked, raising an eyebrow in challenge in response to Jill’s smirk.

“No problem, just annoyed I can’t be there to take it off of you.”

“Wow… now I’m glad I left the room where all my Barcelona teammates could have heard that!” You pointed out, feeling a warmth in your cheeks as Jill grinned, wiggling her eyebrows before the conversation shifted into how you were doing in Barcelona, and how Jill was in Wolfsburg.

///

Barcelona had a lot of defenders in their squad that you were getting to know and training with, but you also did tasks with the midfielders, annoying them a little in the process as your Arsenal antics began to creep in.

“Jill-” You froze, turning around to an empty space instead of where you would usually see Jill wanting you to pass to her, confusing Patri and Aitana as they exchanged glances.

“Wow, I can’t believe I just did that.” You ran your hands down your face, about to be annoyed with yourself when a hand landed on your shoulder. Removing your hand from your face, you met Alexia’s sad smile of understanding, the ball that you had kicked out of play trying to pass to your ex who wasn’t there, now under her free arm.

“Not at Arsenal now, chica!” Patri chuckled, leaving you to sigh, humming in agreement, swiping the ball from Alexia as she put it on the ground.

“True, I’m not at Arsenal, but I can still show you some tricks I learnt there!”

///

Barcelona’s possession heavy playing style was interesting to you as you adapted to it, amused by Alexia’s decision for you to have shooting practice after regular practice. You had a feeling she’d watched a few of the highlights of your matches with Arsenal online, not seeing it as more than that until you realised you would be on the roster for the upcoming match against Valencia.

Your technique to cause havoc involved interceptions, tackles and a lot of pressing, your work rate intriguing the Barcelona players as some of them saw your final Arsenal game against Aston Villa being shown when you were talking with the staff about you moving up more into midfield. Barcelona’s usual 4-3-3 formation meant that if you wanted in that midfield, you would be a sub, just like you’d be with how many defenders Barcelona had available this season. You weren’t going to let that stop you, even if the light in your eyes died when you watched the Aston Villa game and recalled that final game with Jill.

You knew why Barcelona wanted you, their midfielders were very attacking focussed, but you were not and it could change things coming up.

///

The game against Valencia, you were subbed on for Patri at the 55th minute, the score already at 6-0 for Barcelona, but it ended 8-0 after a goal from Lieke, then Caro. You as a defensive midfielder changed the vibe slightly as you were further back with the defenders than Patri had been with Alexia and Clàudia, but your time with Barcelona’s midfield meant you had already improved. Jill noticed this when she found the match highlights on YouTube, and your national team manager noticed this when looking over the footage from your previous games.

///

The upcoming Champions League group stage match against Arsenal had left your stomach fluttering with butterflies, texting Jill about it, you didn’t expect her to call you, but she did.

“Hoi, liefde…” Jill’s voice was soft down the phone, but she sounded out of breath, so you apologised for interrupting whatever she was doing, but she shook her head, realising you could see, she laughed slightly.

“We just finished training. It’s not the same without you here, I miss watching you train, and… other things…” Jill smirked to herself, knowing you were rolling your eyes at her over the phone, even if she couldn’t see.

“Yeah,  yeah, I know, my ass in these shorts. I just, it’s against Arsenal, but they’ve changed a lot. You’re not there, or Daan, and well, Arsenal won’t exactly miss me but, it’ll be weird messing with Arsenal’s midfield this time. Plus, our one year anniversary would have been… het spijt me, I shouldn’t-”

“Arsenal missed out on who you are as a player, and, I know, our anniversary… I had a pizza alone in the park, wishing you were with me.” Jill replied, cutting off your apology since you didn’t need to apologise, both of you had pieces of each other in your souls. Some may say you are soulmates, had the football contracts not gotten in the way of everything.

“I watched Grey’s Anatomy and kept hearing ‘it’s a beautiful day to save lives’ in your voice instead of Derek Shepherd’s.” You confessed, smiling as you heard Jill chuckle and repeat the known Derek Shepherd phrase.

///

Your stomach flipped over and over as October arrived and the game against Arsenal was next. It was a game at the Johan Cruyff stadium, so the London team would be travelling to Barcelona, and you’d heard from Lotte that everyone at Arsenal was excited for the match, and to see you again too. You’d spoken to Lisa, she was on loan at West Ham so you’d miss out on seeing her, instead dedicating an evening to talking to her over video call one evening from your place in Barcelona. 

You sat on the bench for the Barcelona vs Arsenal match, watching intently as Mariona got the first goal, and biting your lip at the amount of yellow cards flying. McCabe had one already between the first and second goal before half-time. Irene however also received a yellow a minute into half-time, whilst you hid your grimace as Mead yeeted Mariona out of the way, earning a yellow card in the process.

Chewing your lip as Arsenal made their substitutions, you hid your relief at Beth and Katie were subbed off for Health and Parris, whilst Viv went off for Foord. After the 70th minute, Jordan went on for Lia, whilst on your side, Lieke was subbed on for Asisat. Arsenal matched to wipe away the clean sheet as Maanum scored, the score at 3-1 whilst Foord received a yellow after tangling with Alexia.

Ana-Maria was subbed off for Rolfö whilst Mana went on for Little minutes later. Mariona later came to join you as Bruna went on, the two of you not sat down long as Lieke’s goal made it 4-1. Your eyes widened as you realised Arsenal’s head coach had gotten a yellow card, the head coach you had known when you, Jill and Daan had played at Arsenal had left to be the head coach of Juventus in June.

You were taking a sip of water when you saw Jordan be carded, almost spitting it onto Leila and Jenni in front of you as you choked, Ingrid patting your back worriedly whilst Alexia took the penalty shot. Manu managed to save it, whilst you looked confused as Parris was carded after. 

The match ended 4-1, but you tried to hide your confusion at the ref’s choices, getting wrapped up instead in hugs as some of your old Arsenal teammates walked over to greet you after the match.

“Hey you!” you smiled as Lotte hurried over to you and pulled you into a hug, the two of you chatting about how you were both doing until Viv walked over, hugging you gently but you could feel an awkward vibe that wasn’t from the chaos of the match that was just played.

“Viv?”

“I don’t think Jill told you but you hurt her when you moved out first. She found your letter, but you hurt her.” Viv explained, watching as your face fell.

“Shit. I was so wound up with not wanting to see her leave first and see the place be emptier like it was before we were together that I didn’t think about… I was selfish.” You realised, clenching your jaw to fight back tears as Viv sighed, patting your shoulder before she headed over to her teammates.

Lieke frowned as she walked over to you, glancing at Viv but you shook your head, blinking back tears as she asked “is alles oké?”

“Ja, ja, I’m fine, I’m fine, I just, I need to call Jill.” You let out a sigh, looking up at the night sky before turning on your heel, heading towards the tunnel.

///

Tapping your foot against the floor, you stared at your phone as you tapped on call, listening to it dial before Jill picked up, turning on the video call setting.

“Hi, liefde… hoe gaat het? I saw that Barcelona won against Arsenal tonight,” Jill began, frowning as you stared at her with glassy eyes, “liefde?”

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, Viv told me about after I moved out and I, I was selfish by leaving first, I was so afraid of coming home and all your stuff would be gone and it wouldn’t be home anymore, because it only really became home when you were there too… I was selfish to leave a letter and move out, I should have moved out at the same time as you, even if we’d be sobbing at the airport or something… I was selfish, Jill, and I’m sorry.” You apologised with your eyes on the phone, something that a year ago you wouldn’t have been able to do, but you’d grown since last season at Arsenal, you’d grown by being with Jill and befriending the other Dutchies, you’d grown.

“It was horrible at first, coming home and you had gone, but I found your letter and I couldn’t be angry at you, schatje, it hurt for you to move out, but it hurt you that I was moving out too… but it was the contracts that hurt us more than we ever hurt each other…” Jill explained, yawning at the end of her sentence as you realised it was late for both of you. Same time zone but the match did start at 8pm.

///

You texted Jill as soon as you saw the result, chewing your lip as you wondered if she’d reply and when, but Wolfsburg drawing 3-3 with Chelsea in the group stages wasn’t what you had expected to see when you opened your phone.

///

The match against Atlético Madrid had you subbing on at the 78th minute for Patri, coming on alongside Leila who was subbed on for Caro. Aitana and Alexia gave you soft smiles as you arrived at your spot on centre midfield.

The game ended at 3-0, a text on your phone from Jill with a smiley face left you grinning as you sat down in the locker room next to Ingrid, bumping knees with her before grinning at Lieke as she walked by you. You smirked slightly as Jenni and Alexia walked in together, Alexia slightly annoyed as they were running late and you all needed to head back from the Atlético Madrid stadium to Barcelona, then to your respective homes.

You laughed as Aitana stared at you in confusion, struggling to understand as Lieke asked you something in Dutch, passing Lieke your portable phone charger in response as she gave you a grateful look.

///

Travelling to Denmark for the next Champions League match, you texted Alexia whenever you had a signal, knowing that she was back in Spain with her calf injury whilst the squad travelled to play HB Køge. You and Ingrid were starting alongside Jenni in midfield, this game, something you didn’t expect since you were prepared to even be subbed on as a defender. Instead, you and Ingrid were subbed off at half-time for Patri and Aitana, the game finally ending at 2-0 after Rolfö’s goal at 62 minutes, followed by Jenni taking a penalty a minute before the game was declared finished.

“Well… that was…” you murmured, glancing over the statistics on your phone for how many shots had been taken, and how many had been on target. A text message from Alexia lit up your screen as you texted back, telling her to rest up.

///

Alexia was game ready by the time that the match against Sporting Huelva came around three days later. You watched carefully from the bench at the 4-2-3-1 formation, sat with Ingrid as the two of you watched the midfield carefully. You high-fived Lieke and Jenni before they went onto the pitch, being subbed on for Asisat and Alexia at the 59th minute.

“How are you feeling?” You enquired as Alexia sat down, her eyes watching the pitch carefully until you flicked a little bit of water at her face, raising an eyebrow as she almost glared at you.

“How are you feeling?” you repeated your question, raising an eyebrow as Alexia took the water bottle from you for a sip, taking that as you answer, you resumed watching the game, cheering as Aitana got her first goal of the game.

///

Due to international duties, the next game for you wasn’t until Halloween, leaving your stomach flipping as your phone lit up with photos from a year ago of you and Jill in your ‘same franchise but not a couples costume costumes’. Your Spanish teammates had played Morocco and Ukraine, whilst Jill was busy scoring a hat trick against Cyprus then playing Belarus, as you texted both Jill and Lieke over the break. Ingrid and Caro ended up playing against Poland and then Belgium too.

The match on Halloween was against Sociedad, ending 8-1. You were subbed on for Aitana at the 78th minute, teasing her by speaking in Dutch before running onto the pitch with Lieke unable to translate as she was busy on the pitch, having scored one goal already, scoring a second one by the time the match was over.

“What did you say to me before?” Aitana enquired as she approached you in the locker room after the match.

“Goed gedaan? Well done? Although I do worry that what I’m saying is a grammatical mess, Daan, uh, DVD, van de Donk taught me swear words in Dutch though… luckily you guys don’t do that thing where you mic up the players!” you laughed, leaving Aitana to frown slightly as she wondered when she’d heard you swearing in Dutch, neither of you realising that Alexia had heard your confession about Dutch swear words and was going to have an ear out during practice now.

 ///

Each time Jill scored a goal playing for Wolfsburg or the Netherlands national team, you sent her a couple of emojis, or a photo/video of you reacting to her goal or goals plural, when you had a chance to. You didn’t see how much Jill would smile at your messages, or the way she bit her lip sometimes when you posted photos on your socials. The reaction photos/videos of you to her goals though were her favourite, but she wished your national team would call you up some day so you could get a taste of the rush.

///

The next game was a week later against Eibar. By half-time the score was already 3-0 to Barcelona, as you sat on the bench with Ingrid contemplating, and raising an eyebrow when you realised Ingrid’s gaze was solely on Mapi since the start. A hand on your shoulder caught your attention as Irene gestured that you and Ingrid were both being subbed on at the 59th minute.

Melanie and Clàudia were already at the side of the pitch as you and Ingrid were shepherded over by Irene, Lieke hugging you as she came off for Melanie, whilst Asisat came off for Clàudia, Torre came over for Irene whilst you waited for Mapi to hurry over. 

You raised an eyebrow as Mapi and Ingrid stood there for a moment before processing the switch, Patri glancing at you as you shrugged, patting Mapi’s shoulder before running to join the defenders, Ingrid catching up in midfield after. Leila smiled as you ran over, chuckling as she had seen the hold-up on the side of the pitch, but you shrugged, unsure what was going on. Although you had an inkling.

The match against Eibar ended 3-0, you were heading back to the tunnel when Ingrid called out to you.

“Can I ask you for some advice? Maybe over dinner… it’s about…” Ingrid hesitated, spotting Mapi and Leila heading towards the two of you as your eyes widened.

“Yeah, sure, I hope I can help with that.” You emphasised the ‘that’ with your eyes lingering on Mapi, giving Ingrid an indication that you knew what was going on before you turned to head into the tunnel, smiling as you caught up with Alexia who had not played the game this time.

///

The next group stage Champions League match was a home game against Hoffenheim. Watching the game intently, you once again sat next to Ingrid, with Leila on the other side of you. Biting your lip, you glanced at the staff as Patri received a yellow card seven minutes in, Jenni had scored two minutes ago but this match left you shuffling in your seat.

By half time, the score was 3-0 to Barcelona, two goals from Alexia that left you grinning into your hand. After half time, Leila patted you on the head with a grin before she was subbed on for Rolfö. Torre getting a goal at the 74th minute had you jumping out of your seat to celebrate, sitting down quickly as the game continued on, but you grinned for your fellow defender.

Aitana and Patri being subbed off meant you were whispering to Ingrid before she was subbed on to ‘kick some ass’. You and Ingrid had been working extra drills with the help of Alexia, Patri and Aitana after practice, although you’d sometimes have a video call going on where Jill could watch as it went on. Due to being away from your phone, you hadn’t seen the way Jill’s jaw clenched as you spent time with Ingrid, or the way that she had frowned after you told her about meeting Ingrid for dinner. She had ended up googling the place, letting out a breath she didn’t know she was holding when she found out it was a) nowhere fancy and b) not a date, you’d told her afterwards with a smirk that you were trying to help Ingrid with her crush on Mapi.

“Are you jealous, schatje?” you teased, raising an eyebrow of challenge at Jill’s clenched jaw, seeing her roll her eyes slightly.

“That expression on your face. Every time you make it, it makes me want to kiss you.” Jill confessed, your smirk falling to a soft smile as your heart ached with longing.

“I miss your kisses.” You confessed back, looking down slightly before looking up to Jill’s grin.

“Do you now?” her tone was teasing but you could see the longing in her eyes, sighing as you glanced over your calendar.

“I have your games on my calendar, our last game before the break is December 22nd, yours is the 16th December?” you double-checked, watching as Jill nodded, but not realising that you’d set off a metaphorical lightbulb for her as she bit her lip with a smirk that left your face feeling like it was on fire.

///

The next game was against Levante, you were subbed on for Rolfö at the 56th minute, heading onto the pitch with Jenni being subbed on for Clàudia. A couple of substitutions from Levante running up to the 59th minute, Jenni sent the ball over to you, getting in an assist as that shooting practice Alexia had you doing paid off, the ball finding the back of the net before the goalie could intervene at 66th minute.

“Dank je wel!” You slipped into Dutch, not really thinking about it until Jenni laughed, patting you on the head as you quickly thanked her in English then Spanish before heading back to your position for the game to restart. Your fingers had latched onto your wrist tattoo subconsciously, even as the game restarted, you were still longing for Jill to wrap you up in her arms after scoring a goal.

Your goal made it 3-0 as it went on, Jana coming on for Torre whilst Ingrid came on for Ana-Maria by the 81st minute. Heading into stoppage time, Jenni took a penalty shot, sending the score 4-0 up for Barcelona as the game finished two minutes later.

The grin on your face grew even larger when you got to your phone in the locker room after the game, Ingrid having a knowing smile on her face as Jenni smirked and asked who, or what had you grinning so much.

“Jill saw my goal.” That was all you needed to say as Jenni began to tease you, making kissing faces and noises until you threw a sock at her face, the team erupting into laughter as it landed on Jenni’s head.

///

“It sucks that Hoffenheim is so far from Wolfsburg, but it’s the closest we’ll be to each other physically since Arsenal.” You admitted, staring up at the ceiling in your dark bedroom, on the phone to Jill until one or both of you fell asleep.

“The train is five hours, and Wolfsburg play Juventus at the stadium the day after.” Jill grumbled, being able to feel you grimace through the phone at the idea of a five hour train journey.

“Yeah, no, that wouldn’t work, sorry liefje.” You apologised, falling silent as you heard Jill’s breathing even out, somehow she had fallen asleep rather quickly.

“Ik hou van jou, mijn liefde.” you confessed quietly before hanging up the phone and falling asleep yourself.

///

Travelling to Hoffenheim for the next group stages game, your inability to sit still was annoying Jenni, who had wrapped you in a headlock more than once, both teasing you but also trying to get you to still. Your eyes met Alexia’s as she glanced over, but you weren’t sure what was going on between Jenni and her, so you closed your eyes and went limp in Jenni’s arms for a moment.

The multiple times you’d checked your phone on the coach to the airport, then at the airport, before leaving it alone on the plane, to stare at it again on the way to the hotel, left you vulnerable to a lot of teasing. Jenni smirked multiple times, teasing you whenever she got a glimpse of the messages you and Jill were sending each other.

“You two are just friends? These messages are not so friendly-” Jenni wiggled her eyebrows, smirking as she took your phone from your hands.

“Geef terug!” you slipped into Dutch, Lieke turning around from where she had been sat further up the coach as you grumbled at Jenni loud enough that she’d heard.

“Alsjeblieft!” You glared slightly as Jenni held the phone out of reach, not realising it was basically in Ingrid’s face until it was taken by Mapi. 

Luckily, your phone had locked itself before Mapi could access your phone, passing it to Ingrid with a bored expression as your lock screen was all she could see, and it was a group photo with the Barcelona girls. She didn’t know your home screen was a photo of Jill you’d taken back whilst you were both at Arsenal.

Jenni pouted as you put your phone away, staring out of the window instead until the coach finally got to the hotel. You felt weird with Jenni asking if you and Jill were just friends, since technically the two of you had broken up, but remained in a flirty friendly situation across countries.

Arriving at the hotel, you felt relief as you found out you were rooming with Ingrid, and not Jenni, even as Alexia pulled you back whilst you were grabbing your suitcase to see if you were okay after the coach shenanigans.

“It’s fine, she didn’t see much, just a few texts… I’m fine… I just, Jill and I are… het is ingewikkeld,” you glanced to meet Alexia’s eyes as she looked slightly confused at your use of Dutch, “it is complicated,” translating quietly, your captain nodded, heading inside with her suitcase after making one final comment.

“I bet you wish we were closer to Wolfsburg right now…”

///

When you got to the hotel room, Ingrid had already headed inside, sitting on her bed as you made your way to the empty one, leaving your suitcase the end of it as you flopped down onto the bed with a sigh.

“Mapi didn’t see anything on your phone. You are safe.” Ingrid smiled, giggling slightly as you let out a sigh, the noise muffled by the bedsheets you were face down in.

“This is the closest I’ve been to Jill since Arsenal and she’s still over 5 hours away.” Your voice broke slightly as you sat up, trying to hold back tears or any sign that you were missing Jill as more than a friend would miss their friend. But Jill was always going to be more than a friend to you.

“Jenni asked if Jill and I were more than friends but how can I say that Jill is my soulmate even when we’re countries apart? I don’t even know if that’s how Jill feels, I haven’t asked.” You admitted, pulling your knees up to your chest as Ingrid moved over to sit on your bed, bringing her phone with her.

“What are you-”

“You forget, I was with Wolfsburg last season, and I am still friends with my old teammates, who play with Jill now.” Ingrid replied, sending a message before she pulled you in for a hug, trying her best to comfort you until she got a text back that would sort it out for you.

///

Hours later after dinner, Ingrid was stuck with you tossing and turning in bed. You’d both decided to go to bed early, but it wasn’t working as you were still up with your thoughts, and Ingrid was awake because of you.

“Call her.”

“What?” you rolled over, moving your pillow to look at Ingrid in the darkness, until she clicked on her bedside lamp.

“I spoke to my old teammates. You should call her.” Ingrid affirmed before her eyes widened, throwing one of her pillows at you.

“Go outside and call her. I don’t need to hear your phone sex with Jill.” Ingrid replied, not wanting to hear your argument about how nobody said anything about phone sex, instead she watched as you wrapped yourself in your blanket, heading out of the room with your key, phone and portable charger.

Sitting down in the corridor where you wouldn’t bother anyone but remained on the floor with your teammates, you chewed your lip as you tapped the call button, waiting with your knee bumping up and down.

“Hoi liefde,” letting out a breath at the pet name, you held back tears as the two of you began to converse.

///

“How did they not see me?” Mapi whispered, peeking out from where she had hidden under the covers when Ingrid put the bedside lamp on.

“All that matters to them right now is Jill and football. So they won’t sleep until they talk to Jill.” Ingrid explained, cuddling into Mapi as she turned the bedside lamp off again.

///

“You’re my soulmate, Jill… Jenni asked me today if we were just friends and I just knew, you’re always going to be more than my friend, because you’re my soulmate… it’s okay if you don’t-”

“There is no one else for me, liefje… I want to see you before I go see my family for Kerst.” Jill admitted, hearing your intake of breath at her admittance.

“I’d love that schatje, I’d love that I lot.” 

Jill let out a breath as you replied.

///

Falling asleep on the call in the middle of the hotel corridor wasn’t exactly great for your spine, or for whoever found you asleep in the corridor of all places. Alexia had just wanted to go down to breakfast at her usual time, (also known as early) so stumbling upon you on the corridor floor was enough to scare her.

“Dios mío, are you alive?” Alexia whispered, gently shaking you as you began to whine, her attention caught by the phone that was laying on the floor, showing a video call of a sleeping Jill.

“Wake up, why are you out here? Did you and Ingrid fight?” Alexia nudged you a little more violently, raising an eyebrow as you stirred.

“Goedemorgen, wait, buenos días… good morning… shit, did I fall asleep out here? Wait, Jill… fuck, she’s so cute…” you whispered, picking up your phone to spot how Jill’s phone was still on the videocall, you had both fallen asleep and forgotten to hang up.

Tapping the hang up button as Alexia stared at you, you swallowed nervously at her expression, her game face slightly more intimidating first thing on a morning.

“I was missing Jill so Ingrid told me to call her, but Ingrid also told me to call her outside because she didn’t want to hear any phone sex- we didn’t have phone sex though, not this time- shit- anyway, I fell asleep out here… I’m going to go see if Ingrid’s up… sorry capitana,” hurrying away after you apologised, you hit your shoulder on the doorframe as you barged into your room, waking up Ingrid and Mapi who had apparently snuck into the room at some point.

“I’m not even going to ask. Alexia just found me asleep in the corridor.” You sighed, going through your stuff to get ready for the day.

///

“Wait, you snuck in while I was in the bathroom?”

You found out over breakfast that Mapi had been in Ingrid’s bed the entire night, stuck listening to you toss and turn until Ingrid told you to call Jill outside. They hadn’t meant to let you fall asleep outside, but the bed was warm and they were comfy.

///

The match against Hoffenheim had Ingrid starting alongside Aitana and Alexia, whilst Leila, Irene, Mapi and Jana were the starting line of defence. Alexia taking a penalty shot at the 41st minute took Barcelona into the lead, with Irene then Aitana adding to the score, taking it to 3-0. A minute after Aitana scored, she was running off to be subbed on, high-fiving you with a grin at your ‘goed gedaan’ before you jogged onto the pitch with Mariona close behind, subbing on for Jenni.

Irene, Mapi and Leila were all subbed off for Pere, Melanie and Torre. Torre ended up adding to the scoresheet with an assist from Clàudia, before Ana-Maria scored during the stoppage time with an assist from Rolfö. The scores on the board ended with a 5-0 win for Barcelona.

///

Texting Jill the next day as you all travelled back to Barcelona, you grinned as you were able to get an update on the Wolfsburg vs Juventus game, but that grin soon fell as you realised that Wolfsburg had lost 2-0 to Juventus.

///

Returning back to Barcelona, the first game back three days later was a game against Sevilla. A chaotic game that was 5-1 by half time, with you being subbed on for Mapi at the start of the second half, followed by Mariona on for Ana-Maria and Aitana coming on for Alexia. Another goal. 6-1. Another substitution, then another, as Rolfö, then Leila went off, with Melanie and Jana coming onto the pitch. Four more goals after the 82nd minute took the score to 10-1 by the end of the stoppage time for Barcelona.

Swearing under your breath in a mix of Dutch and English, you soon realised that another international break was here with the World Cup Qualifiers continuing.

///

Spain played against the Faroe Islands and then Scotland, winning both matches, whilst the Netherlands played against the Czech Republic and drew 2-2, Jill even getting a yellow card in that match. Chewing your lip, you debated looking up your national team and if they’d had any matches recently, but you decided against it. You hadn’t been called up and you tried not to think about it.

///

The first game back in December was against Athletic Club, ending 4-0, neither you or Ingrid being subbed on that match, but Lieke was subbed on for Ana-Maria, and Jenni had scored twice before being subbed off.

Your heart was racing as the squad travelled to play Arsenal at the Emirates stadium, you didn’t end up playing the match but your analysis of Arsenal as they played was helpful to the subs going on, so Jana, Ingrid and Leila all knew what was going on a little better. Playing against Arsenal, Barcelona won 4-0, the team hanging around a little longer allowing you to see Lotte, Viv and Katie chatting with them for a minute.

If anyone expected you to switch shirts with them, they were mistaken, you didn’t feel comfortable wearing a Arsenal shirt that wasn’t Jill’s, and seeing anyone but her ever wear your Barcelona jersey made your chest feel like it was being crushed by a boulder.

///

The El Clásico game between Barcelona and Real Madrid left you wondering if you’d get to play any time soon, but you’d noticed the staff watching you carefully during training sessions and talking to Alexia, so maybe something was happening there.

You were yet to start for a Barcelona game, something that hadn’t happened to you a lot at Arsenal either, but you weren’t letting it stop you anymore.

Starting against Real Madrid as part of the defence line wasn’t what you expected, but you went with it. The game ended at half time with Barcelona up three goals, and you had been put on your ass more times than you’d like to admit. At the 79th minute, you were subbed off for Jana, grateful as you high-fived the girl, you winced at how much your body ached as you sat on the bench. As soon as the game ended, 3-1, you headed directly for the showers, trying to ignore how bruised your body was.

///

You were playing in the second game against HB Køge, starting alongside Ingrid and Alexia, you didn’t even think about what you were doing as you went after the ball, sending the ball across before it went out of play, but your body argued with you, almost crashing into the advertising boards in the process.

“You okay?” You heard but you shook your head, leaning on the goal for balance as you waited for the medics to come over, holding your hamstring as you grumbled about how your head was spinning,  the medics finally coming over.

You’d won a corner, but at what cost, as you were subbed off for Rolfö to come on in your place.

///

A grade one hamstring strain, that had you resting it for three weeks at least.

You ended up missing the game against Rayo Vallecano, but it ended 4-0, sitting on the bench wrapped in a blanket as you watched carefully. 

The last game of the season was against Madrid CFF. Jill was already done with her games with Wolfsburg, but she knew you wouldn’t be playing after you’d called her from the medical room when you were subbed off after the game against Real Madrid.

Jill still watched the game from the stands though, her gaze shifting from the pitch to where you were sitting on the bench wrapped in a blanket that was originally her blanket. The game ended 7-0 to Barcelona, as Lieke spotted Jill, waving to her before getting the staff to allow Jill down onto the pitch.

Your teammates watched in intrigue, whispering to each other as they recognised Jill, spotting her walking towards where you were standing, chatting to Alexia and Ingrid.

“Hallo, kleine dief, ik zie dat je mijn deken hebt.” 

You froze at the voice, goosebumps running over your skin as Alexia and Ingrid exchanged knowing looks.

“You’re here.”

“I said I wanted to see you before Kerst,” Jill smirked before letting out a sigh, “but you had to strain your hamstring before I could watch you play from the stands.” 

“You can watch me play when Barcelona meet Wolfsburg in the Champions League.” You replied, stepping forwards to challenge Jill, forgetting everyone else was around as she bit her lip.

“Cute, liefde, cute, but we have some catching up to do before then.” Jill wrapped her arm around you, her free arm moving the blanket around you both before you headed off to the tunnel together. The blanket obscured how the hand on your waist was slipping under your jersey to draw patterns on your skin.

“They are more than friends.” Jenni affirmed, luckily out of earshot for what Jill said next.

“This jersey is mine when we get back to your place.” Her breath was warm against your ear as her nose brushed your cheek as she pulled away, smirking as you sped up slightly towards the locker room.

“Liefje, you’re supposed to be resting your hamstring!”

///

It was the morning of the 24th of December when Alexia decided to check on you in person, Alba tagging along with her under the excuse of it being family time, but Alexia wasn’t so sure. She was sure that you were staying in Barcelona for the break, but you hadn’t replied to her text, so she was going to your place to talk to you, and drop off some food.

Knocking on your door, she had debated leaving Alba in the car, and she honestly wished she had done so when the door opened to reveal Jill wearing one of your Barcelona jerseys.

“Oh, hi! Schatje, people are here!” 

“I found your charger! Oh… hi Alexia, Alba… het spijt me, excuse me!” You went to throw on a hoodie, or anything that would hide your neck after realising what Alba was smirking at, whilst Alexia pretended that the woodwork of the door was more interesting than you and Jill.

Jill barely hid her smirk at your captain’s reaction, choosing to allow the Putellas sisters into the place as she needed to go back to packing.

“I’m sorry I have to rush, my taxi is coming soon to head to the airport.” Jill explained, snorting slightly as you walked back in, clad in a hoodie and longer trousers compared to the shorts and tank top you’d been sporting earlier.

“You’re not staying?” Alexia asked, glaring at how Alba hadn’t said a word but kept smirking at everything.

“I am spending Kerst with my family, although I’d love to be with my liefde too.” Jill explained, kissing your forehead as you walked closer to the three of them.

“Plus, it’s a little awkward to explain, het is ingewikkeld.” You replied, reminding Alexia of what you had said before the Hoffenheim game as she nodded.

“In case you get hungry tomorrow.” Alba smiled knowingly, nudging Alexia in the side to pass you the food that they’d brought.

“Thank you… uh, I think that’s your taxi, Jill!” you pointed out as you heard a honk from outside.

///

Spending the rest of the winter break alone was a contrast compared to last year’s winter break at Arsenal. You’d skipped out on the New Years party in favour of watching the fireworks on tv, not expecting Jill to call you near midnight, having snuck away from the party she was at to wish you a happy new year and that she hoped the two of you would see each other in person again.

///

Barcelona’s first game back was January 12th, a game against Sporting Huelva, which ended 5-0. A week later, it was the semi-final of the Supercopa de España Femenina. You’d been working on strengthening your hamstrings since your hamstring strain last year, being cleared to play again but still not wanting to risk anything, so you sat out of the semi-final whilst working on training your body back up to fitness again. You were semi-grateful, since it was against Real Madrid, and the bruises you had from the last game against them were brutal, even Jill had agreed with that over video call.

The final of the Supercopa de España Femenina against Atlético de Madrid, you did play, being subbed on for Alexia at the 66th minute, heading onto the pitch after Leila was subbed on for Rolfö. More substitutions were made as Ingrid and Irene went off for Melanie and Mapi, before Jenni got a yellow card two minutes later. Lieke got the 6th goal of the match, assisted by Caro, as Atlético made another substitution.

It was the 90th minute where things changed for you, sending the ball into Lieke’s path, you grinned as she sent it flying into the net, gaining her second goal of the match as you ran over to hug her, chattering away in Dutch as your other teammates ran over.

You hadn’t expected Wolfsburg to lose a friendly to Eintracht Frankfurt that same day, but Jill had texted you, congratulating you on the game, and your assist. Another text had also been sent a minute later, asking how your hamstring was. You smiled, typing away as you sat in the sushi bar, Jill’s game had kicked off an hour after yours, but you were completely engrossed in your phone instead of your celebrating teammates. They wanted to party, but also wanted sushi first, especially after winning the first of what was hoped to be many trophies this season.

The Frauen-Bundesliga was resuming on the same day as the Primera División this time in late January, Wolfsburg against Potsdam, Barcelona against Real Betis. Jill was starting the game, whilst you were on the bench, texting Alexia who was sitting this game out. Baradad nudged you gently as you were both told to warm up, you were being subbed in for Mapi at the 74th minute, Ona coming on for Lieke. The match ended 4-0 to Barcelona. Checking your phone in the locker room, you almost choked on your spit when you saw Alexia had texted you the Wolfsburg score, Jill had even gotten an assist for the third goal before being subbed off at the 86th minute.

February for you was full of club games, whilst Jill’s February was different, having to withdraw from the Tournoi de France due to COVID-19 protocols and you couldn’t do anything to help her.

March for you started off with the Round of 16 for the Copa de La Reina, Barcelona continuing their winning streak through club games and the Quarter-final against Sociedad. Heading to Madrid for the next Champions League match, Barcelona came out with a win, and you came out with a lot of bruises, begin subbed off at the 65th minute for Irene. March ended with Barcelone through to the next stage of the Champions League, winning on aggregate 8-3 against Real Madrid, in addition to keeping that winning streak going.

Jill’s March ended with Wolfsburg playing against Arsenal for the next stage of the Champions League. The first leg match was a draw, but the second leg match had Jill scoring 9 minutes in, then Leah accidentally getting an own goal at 72 minutes in. Wolfsburg were through to the next match, against Barcelona next month.

You thought your next game after the second leg against Real Madrid would be against Wolfsburg, having gone from momentary dread of playing against Jill to rushing with excitement at getting to see the love of your life in the flesh again since December.

But you were wrong. The international break was coming up, Spain playing a friendly then a World Cup Qualifier, whilst the Netherlands were playing a World Cup Qualifier, then a friendly.

You didn’t expect to be called up to your national team for the upcoming friendly, you never expected it, having lost hope back when you were at Arsenal, but you were called up. Sitting in your living room alone, your first instinct was to call Jill, tears filling your eyes as the excitement turned into longing, wishing Jill was here to celebrate with you in person.

“Hoi, schatje?”

“I got called up, for the friendly, I got called up!”

“Ahh! Yes! gefeliciteerd, baby! Are you excited? I wish I could hug you right now!” Jill celebrated over the phone, the grin on her face as she turned the camera on to show you.

///

Getting to play some minutes in the friendly, you spent the run up to the 22nd of April full of energy, ready to see Jill, ready to keep playing football, and ready to be around your teammates at Barcelona again since everyone came back from international duty.

The first leg of the game against Wolfsburg was going to be played at Camp Nou, returning there since the game against Real Madrid for the Champions League nearly a month ago.

“What did you eat for breakfast? Did you have coffee? Are you on a sugar rush?”

Staring up at Alexia and her questions, your captain frowned, almost uncomfortable by the look in your eye and the amount of excited energy coming off of you.

“They’re excited, they get to see Jill today…” Ingrid smiled, answering Alexia’s question.

“And have a little rendezvous after!” Mapi teased, smirking and wiggling her eyebrows as you spluttered on air, remembering how awkward Alexia had been back in December after your last rendezvous with Jill.

“Mapi!” You whined, about to stand up to Mapi’s teasing when your phone buzzed, and you were entranced with it again.

“Message from Jill?” Ingrid assumed whilst Alexia rolled her eyes, about to take your phone from you when Mapi’s next teasing comment had her stopping, “maybe a nude?”

“It’s not. Also that teasing is too late, Jenni already used that topic when we were on the road to Hoffenheim.” You deadpanned, texting Jill back quickly as Alexia raised an eyebrow at you.

The team were almost ready to head out when Rendezvous by Little Mix began to play over the speakers, your eyes immediately finding Mapi smirking, having taken over DJ-ing the locker room as you rolled your eyes, sticking your tongue out at the defender.

“Hey. Turn that energy into beating Wolfsburg. Show Jill what you can do.” Alexia encouraged you, her hands on your shoulders as you nodded, a determined look in your eye that had begun to emerge when the line-up was discussed.

You would be starting in midfield, putting you into the path of the love of your life. This game was going to be fun.

///

Walking out onto the field, you immediately found Wolfsburg’s number 14, eyes lingering on the green jersey before the player turned around, your eyes meeting Jill’s, raising an eyebrow of challenge at her as she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, looking you up and down quickly before her teammate nudged her to focus.

You could feel the atmosphere as you glanced around the stands at the fans, the contrast of red and blue jerseys with Wolfsburg’s green energising you even more as you watched Alexia with the referees and Wolfsburg’s captain, Janssen interacting.

Wolfsburg was the one team that Barcelona had not been able to score against, but you hoped things would be different this leg match.

///

You smirked as you met Jill’s eyes, seeing the recognition in them as she realised what was going to happen in this match. You were marking each other.

It only took three minutes for Aitana to send the ball into the goal, Rolfö getting the assist as you and Jill danced around each other, stealing glances and smirks but refusing to let your focusses waiver. During these two games, each of you were loyal to your clubs, but off the pitch? There was no way you weren’t going home with Jill tonight.

Ten minutes into the game, Caro sent the ball to the back of the net, assisted by Ana-Maria.

By the 33rd minute, Torre had sent the ball in to Jenni, who added to the scoresheet with Barcelona’s third goal of the game. 

You could feel Jill’s frustration as she swore under her breath in Dutch, the two of you marking each other more intensely when either of you got the ball, taking it from each other whenever there was a moment before you sent the ball towards Alexia when you had the chance.

So distracted with dodging Jill as you sent the ball to Alexia, you didn’t realise at first you’d gotten the assist until you were wrapped up in the group celebration. 38 minutes in, and Barcelona were four goals up from Wolfsburg.

Half-time came after that, the locker room full of energy as you went over the plan for the second half, taking in the speeches as you were practically vibrating with energy. You could still feel how Jill’s hands had brushed against your body during the set pieces.

A hand on your shoulder jolted you from your reminiscing as Jenni smirked, a knowing look in her eye as she opened her mouth to tease you, but you smirked back, about to open your mouth but Alexia groaned.

“I have heard and seen enough about yours and Jill’s sex life.”

Your mouth promptly shut, feeling your face burn as Jenni began to laugh at both at your embarrassment and how awkward Alexia looked in that moment.

“You two looked ready to jump each other on the field-” Mapi began but you were already hurrying off to bother Lieke instead of endure Mapi and Jenni’s teasing any longer.

///

The second half began, with Popp being subbed off for Pajor at the 61st minute, Pajor getting a yellow card 3 minutes later.

Your teammates were chasing after Waßmuth, leaving you to sprint after Jill when you spotted the gaps, swearing under your breath as you tried to speed up, but it was pointless as Sandra shuffled to try to intercept, leaving the angle open for Jill to shoot and score.

“Holy shit…” You let out a breath, hand on your ribs as you tried to catch your breath as the VAR check occurred. The goal stands.

4-1.

Jenni, then Ana-Maria were subbed off for Asisat and Clàudia, your eyes following Jill as she was subbed off for Blomqvist before keeping your focus on the game. Your heart was racing as the game continued, Mariona coming on for Aitana before Alexia was taken down in the box, Janssen, Wolfsburg’s captain receiving a yellow card whilst Alexia took the penalty shot.

5-1.

The full-time whistle went as the music began to play, crowd cheering as it was revealed that the match had broken a record with the attendance, 91,648 inside the stadium.

Walking around to shake hands with the players and congratulate your team, you found Jill easily as she walked over, her pinkie finger brushing yours as she smiled.

“So…” you whispered, raising an eyebrow as Jill hummed in thought.

“We are travelling back to Wolfsburg tomorrow, but tonight, the team wants to explore Barcelona more… I excused myself, saying I have my own private tour guide…” Jill smirked, raising an eyebrow of challenge while your eyes widened in realisation, and excitement.

“Meet me after?” You tilted your head to the side, hopeful as Jill nodded.

“Of course… by the way, I like your jersey, but it will look better on the floor when we get back to your place.” Jill smirked, forgetting to whisper before she walked away.

“Wow…” you whispered, turning around to freeze as Alexia stood behind you, with an unreadable look on her face.

“Please tell me you didn’t hear that.” You bargained, but Alexia promptly walked away instead of answering, leaving you standing on the pitch alone.

///

There was still the second leg match against Wolfsburg in a week, with Barcelona heading to play in Wolfsburg this time, but your focus was on getting a shower and changing out of your kit before finding Jill and sneaking away from everyone.

“What’s the rush? Oh, you’re meeting Jill-” Mapi was about to tease you again, but you raised an eyebrow at her, about to sass her about her relationship with Ingrid, but your look alone quietened the defender.

“You owe me. I never ratted you out for sleeping in Ingrid’s bed with her whilst I slept in the corridor in Hoffenheim.” You whispered to Mapi, who stared at you inquisitively before realising you were making a break for it before the team wanted to party together.

“Go. Have fun!” Mapi wiggled her eyebrows, pretending to gasp as you stuck your tongue out at her and slipped out of the locker room.

Hands on your waist caught your attention as you walked down the corridor, turning to grin as Jill nuzzled into your shoulder.

“Do you want a tour of Barcelona or another tour of my place?” You asked, the two of you sneaking out to where you had parked your car, driving away before any of your teammates could enter the car park and see you and Jill disappearing together. Luckily this wasn’t a Thelma and Louise inspired movie, as you spent a little time driving past some of your favourite spots in Barcelona, a few where you had video called Jill from in the past, before arriving back at your apartment.

You had barely managed to lock the door when it all started.

///

Hours later, it was dark, your room lit up by the bedside light as you and Jill laid in your bed, tangled together. Your fingers drawing patterns on her hip as she pressed a kiss against your shoulder.

“Ik hou van jou…” you murmured, your other hand moving to run your fingers through Jill’s hair, smiling as you felt Jill’s reply muffled by your shoulder as she pressed another kiss to it.

///

8 days later, you were in Wolfsburg with the rest of your Barcelona teammates, ready for the second leg of the semi-finals.

The energy was different this time, and not just with you since seeing Jill 8 days ago. Wolfsburg were doing better stopping your team’s attempts at goal, your stomach twisting as the first half was 0-0, sitting on the bench with Patri starting and staying on the whole game, whilst Aitana was subbed off for Ingrid at the 84th minute.

But way before that, at the 47th minute, Waßmuth scored, yellow cards and substitutions occurring before your eyes widened, resisting the urge to jump out of your seat to celebrate as Jill scored at the 59th minute, because the love of your life was still playing for Wolfsburg. 4 minutes later, Jill was subbed off for Popp to enter the field.

The second leg ended after 6 minutes of stoppage time, a weird feeling washing over you. Barcelona’s winning streak all season was broken, Barcelona had lost the game against Wolfsburg, but had won on aggregate and were through to the final of the Champions League.

///

Jill found you standing outside the locker room, your fingers playing with the strap of your bag before she tangled her fingers with yours, holding your hand.

“Hoi liefde.” Jill smiled softly, bringing your hand up to her mouth to kiss your wrist, her lips lingering over your tattoo as she managed to get you to smile.

“We're going back to Barcelona tomorrow, you’re lucky, they almost had our flight a few hours after the game.” You smiled, leaning in to kiss Jill as she smiled.

“I feel lucky… Come on, before my teammates find us and don’t let us go…” Jill held your hand as the two of you walked away from the guest locker room that your team had used today, not seeing how Mapi and Ingrid had paused in the doorway, watching the two of you walk away together with smiles on their faces.

///

Your head laid on Jill’s chest as her fingers ran over your scalp, smiling as you opened your eyes to look up at her, propping yourself up to steal another kiss. Jill’s free hand went to hold your waist as you reshuffled yourself, smiling into the kiss as Jill’s other hand held the back of your neck gently.

Pulling away slightly, you gazed into Jill’s eyes as she smiled softly, mirroring the smile, you let out a soft sigh.

“I hope we get to play at the same club again one day…”

“One day, liefde, one day, we will play at the same club again…” Jill kissed your forehead as you softly laid your head back down on her chest.

[deeisace]

Sort of not really arguing again with my dad about how

Well.

One of my aunt Kitty's friends is buried in with her at the family plot in Putney

Which to me (and my eldest cousin, who is still with our dads til tomorrow, who undoubtedly brought it up and that's why dad's messaging me, the keeper of knowledge pre-1950) sounds like y'know. It's an unusual thing to do, unless there was something going on, and neither of them ever married a man - tho dad says "definitely won't be a girlfriend like (cousin) said 100% not. That would have been hidden for sure."

I don't know, she died before either of us was ever born, while my nan was in Zambia, maybe aunty Kitty just never mentioned it? Or my nan didn't see fit to mention it to her kids? She's been good with me being queer, but we never once spoke about it, except that she bought me a men's hoody once when I forgot my coat at home

I can't remember Ivy's surname tho, to find her records anywhere - she died in the 1960s, but I don't know if the crematorium will have all that kept for so long

Hm. I'm sure I remember posting about her on here somewhere, a few years ago when I first found out about her, let me have a hunt