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#She's from the 50s she doesn't know
aste-ri-sm · 8 months
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|| Oh Elpis
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bookwyrminspiration · 7 months
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reading gideon the ninth:
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reading harrow the ninth:
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#htn#tlt#everything has gone from like. 50 to 1000#like sure there were things going on before and I had to pay attention#but now I have to pay ATTENTION#like okay. okay harrow is 'remembering' that there was a sleeper or whatever#and there was a 2 hander with it. under it. okay. okay so what does that mean#and this 'body'#which for some reason she's continuously hallucinating?#and the whole thing with the letters and ianthe#i'm trying to parse through everything but I don't know how much I can figure out and how much is explained#by context and events I simply haven't been told about yet#so it would be fruitless to surmise because I quite literally can't know yet. missing pieces#based on current knowledge my assumption is that for some reason harrow has retroactively altered her memories#for an unknown purpose#because ianthe's 'who? oh the cavalier' at the beginning leads me to believe she recalls gideon just fine. and that gideon was in fact real#though there's something going on with her#well yeah no shit she's disappeared straight up#not like disappeared like gone missing but she's straight up been erased from the story like she doesn't exist#except for these tiny mentions#of a two hander#which also brings to question the importance of a reader in a story#but that's a whole other can of worms#the point is I have to pay so much more attention now#i love it I love being confused (genuinely)#the first book was fine but it wasn't like this#anyway. harrows the fucked up scrunkle cat of the group and I'm endlessly amused by it
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nexus-nebulae · 14 days
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another childhood bucket list item obtained: i finally have a snuggie
#and it's the real thing not even a knockoff#kinda surprised they still exist#but also not surprised bc Blanket. blanket is universal#i just remember a lot of those As Seen On Tv ads like. imploding within 5 years#they still do As Seen On Tv products like there are still boxes marked with that logo it almost feels wrong like an ancient relic#bc most like. ubiquitous 2000s brands from my childhood are just Gone or at least so fundamentally changed it's not the same thing#heard about like 50 more companies going bankrupt probably in the last year alone#anyway ive always wanted a snuggie it's one of those Always Wanted things that never go away#others include: staples easy button (obtained!); mini fridge (not); pillow pet (i had a knockoff once); power drill (not)#i spent a surprising amount of my childhood actually going out of my way to buy stuff i could use in my own apartment in the future#i grew up lower middle class and then just lower class#so like. i always Knew i couldn't just furnish the whole apartment at once i Knew I'd have to build stuff up over time#also bc when my sister got kicked out she had like. nothing. in her trailer. and i did not want to have nothing#i knew if dad was willing to just toss out my sister like that i would absolutely follow suit#and i did! two years younger than my sister when she was!#it just happened that my mom didn't want me homeless at FOURTEEN when i legally could not work for two more years#so she went with me and we lived with my grandma#so take that dad. turns out throwing family members out willy nilly makes the rest of your family not trust you or like you!#and now i get to rub it in his face that HE can't function in a house by himself and still needs to beg my mom to clean up after him#bc i spent so much of my childhood getting berated and called lazy for not doing chores#getting told stuff like 'you have to function by yourself your parents can't always pick up after you'#and then he's literally useless without his wife#he's not disabled and he's not neurodivergent he's never even had a serious health scare he just doesn't bother to learn how to clean#his excuse is that he doesn't know how to use the washer and dryer (it has been almost ten years fucker. learn)#or he doesn't know which cleaning products to use (you have google and a library card. LOOK IT UP)#he's the only person i get mad at for this behaviour bc he's a fucking hypocrite and a child abuser about it too#he is the exception to my rule of everyone needs to be given the space to get things done where they're able and deserve help when needed#and I'll bend over backwards to make excuses for other people so i DONT exclude them from my rule i will try to find every good reason first#he has no fucking excuse though he made two teenagers nearly homeless bc he thought we were too lazy and then he's even worse
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tardis--dreams · 5 months
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Some of those doctors make hating oat milk their entire personality. I hate them. Cannot pretend to find them funny or like i give a shit. Fucking pretentious assholes
#also my colleague (the girl i had my shift with) is the exact opposite of me in all aspects. asked me if I'd ever worked in customer service#because i couldn't care less about being fake friendly to assholes and don't care if they like the service or not#like bitch those people don't have any other choice but drink our fucking coffee it's not like I'm competing with anyone#or like they pay us in any way. i get paid for doing the dumb work i have to do not for stroking some dumb ass doctors' egos#they come out of their rooms once an hour to get coffee and we have the cups on the table and i wouldn't even Think of#HANDING them the cups and smiling sweetly at them and asking 'coffee? tea?? :))'#I'll just assume these grown adults will get their stupid coffee or tea when they want some. it's not like they don't know where it is#(and i AM friendly and smile when someone is coming in our direction but why the fuck do you need to get so disgustingly friendly with them#if someone held up a cup asking if i.want some coffee I'd leave immediately even if i came just for coffee. it's creepy)#anyway. she's nice. I'm not.#there's normal people who will get their coffee and maybe ask if the milk in the little jug is cow milk to which I'll happily reply 'yes#:)'. then there's the other people who see the oat milk and make it clear they are the most insufferable people on the planet#(and i pity their patients so much. not much to choose from i guess but if i had that as a doctor I'd happily just die)#like everyone who took oatmilk could do it without making a fuss about the cow milk on the table. the cow milk lovers could never#'the oat milk is in front of the actual milk. this is unacceptable. i hate such healthy bullshit' lol okay#'OAT milk?? I'll leave this to the horses! THANK GOD you have actual milk!'#my favorite was the one who really took personal offense with its sheer presence. as if it had killed half of his patients lmao#'we had 50 patients with xyz problem. ALL of them drink oat milk. they cannot see the connection. it's really unhealthy'#at this point i just said i didn't care and stopped paying attention and he started complaining to his doctor colleague about how#oat milk is advertised to be healthy and how it's actually the opposite and i just find that very funny compared to the first comment#from that one guy who doesn't like such healthy bullshit. you guys need to find a consensus on the oatmilk issue i think. no one takes you#seriously if you contradict yourself like this. also i couldn't care less about the healthiness of the milk alternative of my choice. bitch.#next week I'll end up killing someone. i hope they all die from their cow milk. (but not the ones who took cow milk and didn't say anything#about the oat milk. they can continue living as they didn't annoy me)#void screams#some of these doctors were actually quite nice (most of them even). one even brought an applicant to us telling her to get some coffee#(which we are not allowed to give to applicants. but i don't care. I'd rather they get something than some of the asshole jury members#who hate oat milk (which is not the issue. the issue is them making it everybody else's issue that they don't like oat milk))
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aeide-thea · 1 year
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ugh
saw a post with a quote that basically tidily summed up the rebuttal i'd half-started drafting to someone's post about how homosociality in tolkien ~queers amatonormativity~ [spoiler: on the contrary, male homosociality has been engaged in a three-way handshake with both misogynist heterosexuality and amatonormativity for literal millennia, and far from undermining them, more typically serves as essential reinforcement], so i was like, great, now i don't have to actually write that essay, i can just reblog this instead and tag it #tolkien! :)
but then, like a conscientious idiot, i went and dutifully looked up the book it was from, because i think it's irresponsible to cite excerpts whose context you aren't familiar with; and very predictably it turned out to be by a r*dfem and to make all sorts of claims abt so-called 'phallocratic culture' that i dislike, both as a trans person and ally myself and also as a logical thinker who can tell perfectly well from, you know, lived experience of our society that having a penis doesn't in fact confer ready social acceptance, never mind dominance, on people who don't otherwise look or act the part of a Proper Man, because ultimately what we reflexively defer to is a particular vibe, produced by a combination of physique and affect and other things besides, which may imply the presence of a penis but neither actually reveals nor necessitates one…
so like. ugh. probably i'm gonna have to write my own essay after all. :/
#i don't know much about marilyn frye and it doesn't look from a quick google as though she's on par with some of the really nasty t*rfs#but like. you don't have to be vitriolic to still be fundamentally approaching the world in a cissexist way#that gives too much credence to ideas abt Men and Women even as it resents them#like in this essay she comes out with shit like#'women generally have good experiential reason to associate negative values and feelings with penises'#and like. i don't identify as a woman but presumably a r*dfem would class me as a ''''female person'''' so like.#speaking from that classification—can't relate!!#(i mean‚ dgmw‚ i don't want to be dismissive of experiences that were forced‚ or coercive‚ or consensual but painful‚ or or or)#(and it's not that i haven't myself had experiences where people were bad about consent with me)#(but personally i would say i associate negative values and feelings with those *people* and their *behavior‚* not with Penises per se.)#and maybe it's just like. that i'm speaking after literally 50 years of gender progress#like frye does in fact concede that a reframed relationship to penises would be an improvement#(''if penises were enjoyed a good deal more and worshipped a great deal less‚ everyone's understanding of… power and of love would change#beyond recognition and much for the better'')#so maybe it's just like. hi that's me! i'm there! enjoying them! :)#but i just feel like. i don't need to be drawing from a well that takes cisheteronormative constructs this much for granted#and thinks the way to escape them is separatism#as if the knife that cuts Women away from Men weren't cutting some of us in half‚ not 2 mention being itself a cisheteronormative construct#but like. the decontextualized quote really was tempting… :/#anyway. some people vent about normal things; i vent about shit like this‚ i guess!
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actual-corpse · 6 months
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I'm so excited to move out....
I can't sleep😫
#bruh#i also just realized that I forgot to pack yesterday while I was off#so ill have to pack today#start some laundry#dump my ex's clothes out of my tote#unload dishwasher#pack my clothes#prep stuff for my dad to help me move#KITCHEN TABLE?! FUCK#im definitely moving the cat last to try and avoid issues with her#i need to buy cat food and food bowl#set up the gravity water for my ex's cat (just because you dont like your ex doesn't mean you abuse their pet... I fucking love his cat...*#* She's basically my baby now... seriously I have that cat spoiled lol... If I can work out a living situation where I dont have to move in*#* with my cousin.... Im GONNA adopt another cat. i love cats)#i shouldn't have too much to move since I've downsized... a lot... sold my mini-fridge 😭 made the -easy- decision to leave my furniture*#*(an old power-lift chair that no longer works. some Mainstays shelves and entertainment center - they're almost 10 years old. cost $50 and*#*are made from particle board. they've been moved 3 too many times and they're falling apart) these were hard decisions tbh#im leaving a complete set of Mainstays dishes (cheap. i dont want them. my ex needs dishes. etc)#my mind is awake with all these plans... but I have to work tonight and i need to sleep (luckily I went to bed early)#i need a shower caddy. another (dedicated) dressing gown. a Jeep Wrangler (i hate them but they can tow mid sized campers and like. if I en*#*enjoy living like I will... Maybe I'll just make it my lifestyle) I know well-off people have made unconventional living trendy. but like.*#*Im a poor and it's more viable to live in the camper my parents bought on relatively cheap campgrounds#bro
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girlscience · 11 months
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trying to figure out the exact line I can ride for clothes to a family function is hell. i just want to wear a suit pleaz. let me wear a tie. i'm begging atp
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thelittlestspider · 11 months
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aunt may can be old and still be a fox. she pulled lady doc ock.
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rubys-domain · 1 year
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... i think i'm gonna pull for arlecchino actually...
#⇢₊˚⊹ 🩷∥ruby∥yo,ide yo !!#today i woke up and was suddenly hit in the face with the realization of how insanely attractive she is#it's weird why it's only hitting me just now when i finished act 4 like three days ago#way to kick in late,queerness. smh#anyway,pulling plans#still pulling for venti on main obviously#on the alt i just lost the 50/50 on the neuvillette banner#and i really only pulled on it because i got the hp sword super early and i don't need any of the 5 star weapons#and i figured i would benefit from his diving passive because i failed to get freminet in the previous banner#and i was just bored honestly#i'm exercising all the self-control i can muster on main. so it feels good to dump my primos onto whatever on the alt#but now i think i'm gonna save the guarantee i now have for arlecchino#i still have a shit ton of freemo sources on the alt so it doesn't matter if she comes home at hard pity#plus my alt is literally pyro central so she'll be right at home there#fingers crossed that sigewinne drops alongside her banner so i can get her too while i'm pulling#whether i pull for her on main or not will depend on her kit tho. my pyro dps needs are pretty much filled with lyney so idk#i really should just save my guaranteed on the alt for shenhe#but i'm BORED#and i still have thousands of untapped exploration freemos on the map so i'm not worried about being unable to get her#and who knows when the hell she's getting a rerun anyway. it could take months,and i'm not willing to sit on primos that long quite frankly#it would also be wiser to get furina because hydro archon and she's probably gonna be a broken support for all the pyros on my alt#but i really don't care for her honestly. she's interesting in the story,but not in a way that makes me want to pull for her as a character#maybe in a rerun after i reach the pulling for utility stage on that account#which i already kinda was considering i tried to pull for zhongli (sort of. who i really wanted was freminet)#idk where i was going with all of this. but yeah. those are the pulling plans#my freemo well is running a little dry on main tho. so i'm gonna redirect some of that pulling because i want to into the alt#ugh pulling for utility is boring tho#the only reason i'm so dead-set on pulling for shenhe is because i am first and foremost a chongyun main and she's his best support#and i also like her a fair amount so there's that
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child-of-hurin · 2 years
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have only watched 5 epis of HotD so i can’t really comment but it’s funny that one day i see a post of someone complaining that, apparently, some fans are loudly annoyed at Alicent being made more palatable and well intentioned instead of a Cersei 2.0 like that’s an unreasonable expectation to have, aaaaaand then the next day i see a gifset of Alicent asking someone to blind one of her rival’s sons, bc one of her sons was blinded, too 😂
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fideidefenswhore · 2 years
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Henry was not acting from simple altruism or familial duty: with one daughter in the cradle and the other in disgrace, a marriageable Tudor teenager was decidely welcome. Shortly after Margaret [Douglas'] reappearance at court, Henry spoke with the French ambassador and told him he no longer wanted to wed his daughter Mary to Alessandro de Medici, the newly created Duke of Florence. She was still refusing to acknowledge his second wife and second daughter and Henry wanted to punish her. He might have added, although he did not, that he was reluctant to match Mary with a foreigner who might someday stage an invasion of England to claim the throne on her behalf.  But, he pointed out, he did have a niece, 'whom he keeps with the Queen his wife, and treats like a queen's daughter, and if any proposition were made for her, he would make her marriage worth as much as his daughter Mary's'.'
Ring, Morgan. 2017. So High a Blood : The Story of Margaret Douglas.
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musical-chick-13 · 2 years
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Having Too Many Feelings™ about Lady Macbeth today.
#specifically how a lot of people consider her to have o/c/d (she does) and a lot of this is tied to The Blood-Washing Scene where she#sees bodily fluids that aren't there and can't ever feel clean (which. yes. definitely a symptom) but there is SO MUCH OTHER STUFF#that suggests that she has this illness beyond that. stuff that's present before then.#she prays to supernatural forces to take away her emotions/vulnerability because she feels out of control#everything she does is defined by Guilt™ even BEFORE the Big Monologue™#there's the aforementioned Prayer To Spirits. there's the fact that she's so overcome with guilt during the FIRST STAGE OF THE PLAN#because one of the guys they need to kill sort of vaguely reminds her in passing of her dead dad and she feels Bad™#there's the fact that her grab for power and desire to be literally anyone other than who she is are compulsive. she can't be good enough#for her husband she can't be good enough for herself gaining power is a manifestation of perfectionism that she doesn't have the#vocabulary to describe or the awareness to realize#she's in her head all the time and all of these are compulsions albeit really fucked up ones that most people suffering from this don't have#and somehow despite being on the heels of assuming that people suffering from this were possessed by the devil (which like. adds a whole#other thing when stacked against the fact that what she's doing WILL CONDEMN HER TO HELL ACCORDING TO GENERALLY ESTABLISHED BELIEFS#and I highly doubt she doesn't know this. but she's willing to risk hell to give her husband something and to give herself peace while alive#she's willing to risk that damnation anyway) DESPITE that being the prevailing opinion of people with o/c/d and not having any sort of#widely-recognized or helpful medical knowledge/treatment. shakespeare STILL managed to capture what this illness is like and STILL made her#this complex and tragic and sympathetic character and he did all of that WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING WHAT THIS ILLNESS IS AND I HAVE A LOT OF#FEELINGS ABOUT IT#I got to go on a Tear™ about this character to my bestie the other day which calmed the storm a little bit but I NEED TO SCREAM ABOUT HER#I NEED TO WRITE 50 MORE PAGES OF ANALYSIS ABOUT THIS CHARACTER DOING IT ONCE AS MY UNDERGRAD CAPSTONE WAS NOT ENOUGH#I NEED TO PLAY HER#I NEED EVERYONE IN THE WORLD TO LOVE AND UNDERSTAND HER LIKE I DO
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tkbrokkoli · 2 years
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a colleague of mine used to be a professional athlete in the 80s and today she showed me and another colleague photographs from back then and she casually mentioned that two of her team mates outed themselves as trans men and two as lesbians later in life and i was like !!!!!! im
#not fandom related#personal log stardate#i want to write more but im not sure what im feeling and how to express it#she used the phrase 'man in a woman's body' to mean they are trans man which i found v good actually#bc she seemed to fully except and support them. these guys and dykes should be in their late 50s now i think? idk any older queer ppl#so having an older colleague casually mention that felt v good#also they all were from a small town i think#just like me!!! i know several of my high school friends are also queer. like. me and at least 2 others#but we all outed ourselves way later. years after high school#oh fuck i just realized i completely misspelled 'accept'. i've had a long week ugh#anyway tomorrow i gotta make a horrible phone call w my broken phone and i already hate it and i'm dreading it#abt my phone. it doesn't charge anymore so i have it turned off at all times so i can make phone calls when the urgent need arises#and tomorrow i have to call electrician. not bc i want to but bc i was ordered to and i absolutely fucking hate it#*an electrician. or a janitor. idk yet#the other person who could call instead of me is just straight up rejecting to do it but it rly urgently needs to be Done#so im gonna have to step up as the mature person now and i tell myself 'it needs to be done end of discussion'#but i hate that i am always always always the person who has to take care of uncomfortable things like making phone calls and shit#like. i get it. it's necessary. there will always be phone calls i have to make. it's just. why me??? i fucking hate this shit!!! AAAAAAAHHH#anyway i should go to bed. i haven't checked my notifs yet it's been a rly exhausting week. hope you guys are ok thi#*tho
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rolandkaros · 2 days
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R128: Blinkova [0-0]
R64: Yuan (30) [0-0]
R32: Krejčíková (7) [1-2]
R16: Samsonova (11) [2-0] / Mertens (24) [1-1]
QF: Sabalenka (1) [2-1] / Haddad Maia (15) [4-0] / Keys (18) [0-1] / Sun (29) [0-0]
SF: Paolini (3) [4-0] / Zheng (5) [1-1] / Kasatkina (9) [0-0]
F: Pegula (2) [0-2] / Gauff (4) [0-2] / Navarro (6) [0-0] / Ostapenko (8) [1-0] / Kalinskaya (10) [2-0]
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coolcoelacanth · 10 days
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im all negative bc i never do anything fun, I don't have any friends, and it seems like everyone always has something negative to say about me all the time (at work the patients and my one boss 🙄). it's hard to be positive when everything just feels so draining and nobody appreciates you. even my one preceptor was being a bitch to me the other day (WeLl I dOnT seE iT WrItTen AnYwHeRe). i dont get how people just feel so comfortable being rude to people like why is it so normalized i can't think of a single person i was mean to recently like wtf. and the one guy i was talking to on bumble hasnt responded to me today and i actually liked it and it was making me have hope for humanity. he's probably just busy but i hope he doesn't ghost me it would be nice to have a little fling or something to have fun. endure and survive i guess 🫡
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interiorlulus · 2 months
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I've managed to avoid going to see my maternal grandparents in France but at what cost (deep, profound shame).
#context: they live in bumfuck nowhere southern area the next town over is top 5 worst most boring place in the country#you can't get anywhere without a car#it's close to the beach but not close enough without a car AND it's NOT the côte d'azur lemme tell you#you can't even go on a walk bc 1) mosquitoes 2) the heat 3) the sights suck ass#like there's no hidden charm or anything. out of ALL the gorgeous places in France (of which there are PLENTY) my gps decided on THAT#did i mention my grandparents are separated but live together bc they got married in the sexist 60s? so my grandma doesn't own shit?#and my grandfather is senile in all the worst ways and she has to care for him bc he has dozens of medical issues#there's at least one or two fights between them when we go there and he is a grade A asshole#to give you an idea: my mom once said ''she wouldn't want people to not want to go to her funeral''#so yeah not even his children like him#my aunt who lives close by (1h30m in car lmao) is a secondary school teacher so it's always complaining complaining complaining#and i'm stuck listening to people 50+ who are completely disconnected from me bc they haven't had a proper conversation with me since 2012#''oh why don't you travel with friends instead?'' i'm ashamed to admit i lack independence and drive to do so. and i barely have friends#i want to really badly. i keep telling my friend who lives between granada/coimbra i should come see her but i don't know how to begin#it's so embarrassing at my age to be this helpless and i hate it#i'm in my twenties! i should move around and try new stuff! but i'm so afraid my inexperience and immaturity will show#i keep turning to my mom for help and that also doesn't help bc without her i don't push myself forth#i'm just so ashamed of being myself rn#this turned into one hell of a vent#me.txt
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