#So if you are wondering why x episode isn't on the options that's your answer

[picturejasper20]

Alright, for individual episodes now...

[inactivewattpadauthor]

Raiden x Reader: Plasma Ball

~~~~~~~~~~~~ The clock on the coffee table to your side read in bright red 5:13 p.m, and all you could hear outside is the light showering of rain.

That wasn't what stopped you from perhaps ordering a delivery, but maybe because you're aware of it being a frequent habit you spend money on, and rent was about due soon.

Resting your arm on the edge of your leather couch and placing your chin on your palm, you just looked around your living room, thinking of what to do to alleviate the burning boredom in your mind.

Television was of course an option, but there isn't any interesting show you could watch and you were procrastinating to catch up on the anime, overwhelmed how far you were behind with the six hundred episodes you at least had left. Shit, maybe more, the show never ended yet.  (Damnit, Oda.)

Eyes lowering to the game console below the TV, you thought about it, but that was also a no-go. Games aren't that fun anymore, especially if your internet pals got lives as well.

Last but not least, the bookshelf next to the TV stand. Immediate no.

But thinking of books, you looked to your right looking at your godly partner, his attention completely confiscated by the huge novel in his hands.

You couldn't help but gaze at his face, zoning out in thought. One could say you're admiring him. Though he wasn't a man of fun, you could interact with him and enjoy yourself.

Letting out a sigh, you waited for him to look at you and speak up. But the only movement from him was just him turning a page in the book. So, you tried again with a more forced one.

Yet, there was still no response from him, his faded eyes locked in the story. And you know he heard that one too.

"Raiden!" You yell, disliking not getting his attention.

"What is it, Y/n?" The Thunder Lord questions, not even looking at you.

Moving your body against his larger one, your head rubbing against his shoulder, you answered honestly with a soft utter. "I'm bored."

"Read a book." Was all he said, which makes you more frustrated. You groan and clung onto him more. "Pleaseee, why are you so boring?"

Raiden raises an eyebrow at you for a millisecond before going back to reading. "I'm not an entertainer."

You backed off a bit and thought what you could do to mess with him for a bit, and you got a good idea. A funny one that already made you snicker.

"Wait, I'll be right back!" Raiden looked at you confused, wondering what you thought was funny, or more so, what you were planning.

Jumping off the couch, you ran to your closet to dig for an item that you haven't seen in years.

The long white-haired man could hear you shuffling things around, items crashing on the floor, making you swear from your clumsiness. It didn't take too long for you to find the object you looked for, though.

Running back to the living room with a smile, Raiden sees you carrying some weird glass ball stuck to a small black stand. He could classify that it was something relevant to technology, as a black wired plug trailed behind you.

Carefully bending down to plug the device in beside the couch where he sits,  you chuckle and turn the device on, the center globe inside the glass glowing pink.

"Watch this." You smile and set the ball on the table before using your fingers to touch it, causing bright static lines to appear beneath the pads of your fingers.

Raiden watched with a blank look. Nevertheless, he was somewhat intrigued.

"I'm like you!" Your corny comment makes him give the typical unimpressed old man look on his face.

Another silly idea grew into your head and you looked at the switched-off lamp. You grabbed the shade off it before going back to the plasma ball, putting the shade on your head and touching the device again. It would seem Raiden knew where you were going with this.

Smirking with the conical pretended hat, you mimicked with a deep voice, "I mUsT cOnSuLt WiTh ThE eLdEr GoDs!"

After that, you just couldn't keep a straight face and burst with laughter. Laughing hard enough, you were snorting and not even making regular laughing noises, which makes yourself even more amused.

Raiden, on the other hand, got enough of your shit real quick and swiftly stood from the couch to remove the lampshade off your head. With one finger, he uses his power to send a brief shock to you, which makes your hair stand up and frizzy.

You shut up and stared at him with a taken aback look.

It was all in great fun. ~~~~~~~~~~~~

[deathsbestgirl]

conduit

kicking this off with scully in blevins’ office – because it kinda makes me want to die. after all the progress they’ve made their first few cases. mulder chose to be vulnerable with scully in the pilot after her own vulnerability (something i think it’s clear she doesn’t like to show from the moment they met, not necessarily in an obvious way but i think he was already observing her & could pick up on it) then the second episode, all their banter & teasing and what she did to get him back from ellens air base. *and then squeeze* when she decided working with him on the x files was the better option. where she got more of an idea about the way others tend to treat mulder. there was so much reflection in squeeze for scully. and the way she called him after colton stopped the stakeout (when mulder called her in the pilot, she put up a boundary, seeming a bit uncomfortable with the familiarity & her investment? or maybe that she was okay with him calling her late at night lol) now she’s in blevins’ office, being asked about mulder, his sister & his judgment.

it’s very interesting to me that blevins’ has to tell her she doesn’t need to protect mulder; he opened the file himself. so she gives him what she knows and it isn’t a surprise to blevins. but he’s clear that he thinks mulder’s judgment about the case, especially given his 302, that he’s not thinking clearly. scully thinks it’s odd but she asks to talk to mulder & give a recommendation before blevins just denies it.

it’s also funny to me because blevins seems concerned about mulder/his choices – how does scully read his concern. strictly professional?

as you know, agent mulder’s preoccupation with fringe matters has been a big source of friction in the bureau. this is another case in point. i’m going to disallow the 302.

with respect, sir, at least let me talk with him and make a recommendation.

(scully plays both sides so well here. she doesn’t want to pass judgment on mulder before even learning about the case and why he chose it.)

and so…down in their basement office, she starts asking him questions. but in typical mulder fashion he takes forever to get to what would actually convince her.

this is the essence of science. you ask an impertinent question and you’re on your way to a pertinent answer.

i just love this line lol like get to the point sir!! (did he think science would convince her lmao)

anyway, the tabloid, lake okobogee & the ufo sightings and finally he gets to the part where a girl scout troop had a sighting in whatever year, corroborated by the den mother & a photo. and one of those people was darlene morris. (later we learn about the pilot who saw something in the sky at the same time too) and somehow that convinces scully – which i find hilarious because like. it’s definitely about his sister, and it’s still about aliens in his mind. it isn't what she thinks but she goes along with him, to find out what’s really happening. because, yes that can seem strange with what else mulder tells her, but it’s still funny to me that she agrees. i think she just wants to help him, and this is a way she can. and she somehow must convince blevins that it isn’t a waste of time & that mulder’s sister isn’t interfering and i just wish we got to see it. because genuinely, how?

these scenes with darlene are ~a lot~ and scully just ~observes mulder. that’s the whole episode. when darlene offers them coffee, scully goes to follow her but realizes mulder isn’t tagging along like he should be. and that’s when she sees him, looking at all the family pictures – stuck on one of ruby as a little girl. gently touching it & his pain is obvious. the way she clenches her jaw, just slightly, and swallows – what’s she worrying about here? about the way he still suffers, his judgment on the case? Both…

(scully can’t stand to see people in pain. i wonder if that’s one of the reasons she first went into medicine. how did she end up in pathology? what drew her there, to speak for the dead and bring them peace? team scully believes in ghosts lol – but later on, post original series, when she’s practicing again, she doesn’t stick with pathology, she’s working in a hospital mostly with very sick children. it seems to me, there are events in her life that drive her professional choices. which is why i’m so curious about this. i don’t think it’s something addressed in the series directly. but in orison, we learn about how her sunday school teacher was murdered. i think that seems like a pretty good motivator, but i feel there’s more that just one incident – specifically something a bit closer, more personal.)

scully, always the one to pursue the more typical avenues, asks darlene about her ex, which she denies the idea of him being responsible. because she “knows what happened”

“they took her, didn’t they, mr. mulder?” darlene believes it’s aliens too…i love the way they don’t ~say~ it lol

and this bit, while mulder is talking to kevin, with just scully & darlene kinda hurts my heart. for both of them.

i’ve told this story so many times now…oh, to the newspapers, and the police…and every time i tell it, people get this look in their eye. just like the look that you’ve got right now.

scully doesn’t believe what they believe, and i imagine she kind of agrees with the local law enforcement perception – something terrible happened that’s difficult to face or understand, and somehow this fantastic story about aliens is easier. but really, that isn’t easier. because what can be done if it’s aliens? if it’s something more typical (though still terrible), investigation could help. they could find ruby…find samantha. but nothing has helped either of them.

literally but i can’t help but think it’s hard for her to face people who believe when she doesn’t, and their pain & struggle is so obvious. i wonder if this is the first time she starts questioning if she’s a good fit for the x files, a good partner to/for mulder. i don’t think she’s proud of being used to undermine another agent, whatever she thinks of his theories. and of course scully has a hard time believing this abduction/missing girl is the work of aliens, it doesn’t fit with anything she knows about the world or science – but with this case, it seems to me like she feels kind of guilty for not believing. not believing darlene…and mulder.

OKAY SO KEVIN. i love kids in this show – they’re so good at being creepy. even when they are just innocent kids, there’s usually a creepy edge to the characters or circumstances and they’re just incredible little actors already (are they into acting or do they like playing pretend lol). he’s just writing a bunch of ones & zeroes, not really interested in talking to mulder, but accepts his presence easily enough. when mulder asks, kevin tells him that it’s coming from the tv, the white noise.

one thing that makes me kind of crazy, cuz i’m bad with names & faces of white men in particular – do we ever see danny? because mulder seems to have a decent working relationship with the guy. (like there’s chuck, but he’s into the spooky stuff too.) like yes mulder bribes him a little to get it done quicker but he didn’t seem antagonistic like the guys in squeeze who asked for his damn help, or hotlzman & his men. anyway, he’s looking into the code kevin was writing.

i love the way mulder is just ~not having it~ with the local law enforcement.

criticizing her choices, something ‘she’s no prom queen’ ?? victim blaming gross misogyny / assuming she’s just a bad kid? instead of someone struggling, and she’s MISSING.

it’ was just a matter of time before…

before what?

before something bad happened to her.

and then something about ‘if darlene needs to make up crazy stories to get past that, fine. But don’t ask me to treat it as the truth.’

i’m surprised scully doesn’t get more frustrated by this behavior. is this part of her working in a man’s world, bad writing, or something else?

then when they leave i swear scully says something she’s had to say more than once about not antagonizing local law enforcement cuz they might need their help one day and it think its hilarious. and mulder says “who me? i’m mister congeniality…i’ll send him a bundt cake” – cracks me up, cuz really he is but people are assholes.

case stuff happens. they learn a little about ruby – pregnant, boyfriend, no real friends. but what i care about is the way scully is so gentle with people. the girl seems scared & worried, and she responds with compassion while still doing her job. and they go to find out more about greg randall – and i just love these big tattooed guys who idk, i guess i’d expect to bristle at authority & not answer their questions, but he just answers their questions.

hey, that’s a nice tattoo. what is that?

what’s it look like?

a flying saucer. you don’t really believe in that stuff do you?

i take it you don’t.

no, i think it’s all a bunch of crazy people howling at the moon. [the way scully is looking at him – this is how he understands people think of him]

so you haven’t been out to lake okobogee, have you?

no i haven’t. why?

you should ride with us some time. you might see some things that will change your mind. *~*he shows them his ear, burned & disfigured*~* get a killer sunburn in the middle of the night.

[scully, always observing her partner.]

these nsa guys, literally what the fuck are they doing?! like the absolute disrespect?? i get that to them that it’s pressing & distressing but how is it protocol to completely disrespect agents of other agencies? the invasiveness, the seeming threat they pose to a woman *sleeping* alone in a motel, even if she’s a trained field agent, is fucking insane. (and while they’re working on an abduction case, hackles rising.)

and idk, you’re telling me they couldn’t just get the right room? bullshit.

unless they tell me otherwise, i’m not accountable to anybody outside my subcommittee. i don’t care if it’s nsa or the vatican police.”

(just love that line)

and so he gets a little information from them, but he can’t really tell them where it came from. it came from a CHILD and he doesn’t have any information about ~how anyway. i don’t think they’d take kindly to ‘well he got it from the tv.’ but i guess scully tells them?

and mulder gets properly pissed at scully. why she told them anything, i don’t really understand. it seems against her morals, but i suppose this is early on and she still has respect for the government & their agencies. and idk, maybe she doesn’t think kevin is the threat but a risk & at risk if he somehow has that information. and i really hope she didn’t think they’d handle it the way they did?? one of the few things scully does that really bothers me.

i come on. how can an 8 year old boy who can barely multiply be a threat to national security? people call me paranoid.

and so they go to darlene & kevin’s home and witness them being dragged out of the house, put into *separate* cars. fucking inappropriate. literally what the fuck?! that is a LITTLE BOY. how dare they take him from his mother. i refuse to believe that’s proper protocol either.

the way mulder picks up the broken piggy bank 🥺 and scully just looks so damn solemn & sullen. (like yes honey, you helped them do this.) and again, scully observing mulder. he notices the camper outside and goes to check out the roof of it. for once, this actually seems like an investigative thing and i love that. this is her first field assignment, sure i’m she learned a lot at the academy, but it’s very different to actually do it. i love that he’s the one who really teaches her, even if it isn’t explicit. she just learns by working with him.

back & forth with agent atsumi about the case and the code. pieces of a bunch of different things. honestly this scene is oddly entertaining lol i understand nothing. like they got all this from a bunch of zeroes & ones? but the last bit of their conversation:

but they’re just fragments. a few notes here, a few notes there, some lines from the quran, a shakespearean sonnet…

almost like switching the channels, huh?

(the quran bit has me itching – mytharc later on biogenisis, the sixth extinction and amor fati. Idk if this tiny piece here was at all intentional to connect in the later episodes, not when this was written but when they wrote the later episodes. i love when they manage to weave a few things for continuity.)

literally the look scully gives him. i love her. how does she not question every single thing he says. i just want him to say more! it’s funny. (although this is not one of the episodes i laugh through.)

god they see darlene & kevin leaving and she is properly pissed. as she should be. but she’s blaming them and i totally get it (scully deserves it a lot more than mulder) but it’s still hard to watch. because they both want so much to help darlene & her family, and now darlene’s belief/trust in that is gone.

but for mulder, it’s personal. and the pain in his eyes & expression — i could cry.

(kevin staring at the security footage. what does *he* see? // was there something i didn’t notice?)

i thought we were headed back into town? …where are we going?

the boy’s the key scully. i know it.

the key to what?

finding ruby. just think about it for a minute. this is a boy who is receiving all kinds of digitized data from a television screen.

agent atsumi said it was a statistical aberration…

no.

okay i admit it’s not much of an explanation, but…

i think that kevin is a conduit of some kind.

a conduit.

a link or connection to whoever, or whatever, took ruby that night.

but how?

if there was an abduction, it’s likely that kevin was touched in some way.

mulder, i know what you’re thinking…i know why this is so important to you. i know. but there is no evidence indicating an abduction.

that’s why we’re going to lake okobogee.

~the scully squat~

i love this scene. because in any other world, scully would be right. they were out in the open next to a lake in the middle of the forest. anyone looking to kidnap someone, this would be a great place. but it’s the x files. and mulder has all this random knowledge because of his obsession, that even her scientist mind doesn’t know. (re: the sand solidifying to glass & the burned tree tops)

and when she sees the wolf and he runs into the forest…scully running after him but he’s taller with longer legs and not in heels so she just hears the gunshot before she catches up. i imagine that’s a scary sound.

mulder what are you doing? …mulder, you are disturbing a crime scene…stop!

what if it’s her? i need to know…i need to know

[her eyes flickering all over his face, to his lips. she just accepts it.]

as the crime scene is being handled, they stand watching – and scully watches mulder, asks if he’s okay. “-m fine” – god he looks so despondent, dissociated…is he the one to start this “i’m fine” nonsense. scully knows he isn’t okay, but she asks to let him know she’s there, he doesn’t have to carry it alone anymore. (gosh they’re maddening. this “fine” nonsense when it’s clear they aren’t – they build it into their foundation, because it’s a small defense mechanism for both of them. a way to guard their hearts and protect their pain & vulnerability. but they don’t realize how it will carry through their relationship and eventually hurt them more than it protects.)

they find a note in greg randall’s wallet and compare the writing to the note left on their car; it matches. they find the girl, tessa. (was that detective or chief or whatever his title is not even going to look through the rest of the wallet??)

(mulder does not lean on scully during this case and so she does her best to be solid & always in his periphery. to let him know she’s there for what he needs, letting him know she understands this is difficult for him, and she’s not judging him – she doesn’t force it and respects his boundaries. this is different than the pilot. this time, his grief is raw, but in the pilot he had some distance because the case allowed for it. he was able to separate his experience & emotions from the case & the conspiracy. but this one is too close.)

oh god. the way he changes while they interrogate tessa – it seems like he believes now that she did murder ruby. Scully is so surprised by the change. the way she jumps a little when he hits the table the second time (i wonder if she doesn’t like his tactic here. because she was still being kind to tessa, though she definitely believes she killed both greg & ruby. she expressly tells tessa what kind of trouble she’s in, but her voice is calm & steady. still gentle, but with an edge. and mulder goes at tessa hard. she’s still just a teenager.

the scene outside…

they don’t want to have anything to do with us…mulder, stop. stop running after your sister…this won’t bring her back

come with me or don’t come with me, but until they find a body, i’m not giving up on that girl.

scully is always going to follow him but she still always tries to appeal to him. but she really gets some insight here. he doesn’t know how to give up and he can’t give up on his sister. he doesn’t know how to go on with his life without answers. mulder holds his pain in every fiber of his being, he holds his love in every fiber of his being. and his work is how he uses those things to find the answer, maybe one day get peace, to help others suffering in a similar way he is or the way he thinks his sister is/was.

the door is open when they get to the morris residence. when they go in, scully heads to the kitchen where she finds a teapot boiling on the stove – so clearly they left in a rush / something happened…in the living room mulder is staring at kevin’s work. sheets and sheets filled with zeroes and ones, all laid out on the floor.

scully goes to check upstairs and then she sees it – tells mulder to come up and look.

-look. it’s her, it’s ruby.

this drive to lake okobogee – this time mulder really does open up. i think he finally needed to talk and he wants to believe scully is there for him. But i think this is the most honest and private thing he could have chosen to tell her. In the pilot he told her about his sister & the regression because ~she needed to know~ it wasn’t as personal as THIS. It was personal, but for professional too. he spent their first case only giving her crumbs, what he felt she needed to know / deserved to know. until she got pissed at him, until she showed her own vulnerability, until she proved she believed something was happening (even if she didn’t fully believe him).

you know when i was a kid, i had this ritual. i’d close my eyes before i walked into my room because i thought that, one day, when i opened them, my sister would be there, just lying in bed, like nothing ever happened. you know, i’m still walking into that room…every day of my life.

[scully just listens to him but i think that’s exactly what he needed – nobody ever listens to him. for him, it’s a gift. and for scully, it’s one of her shining strengths. it lends well to her empathy & kindness]

they find darlene’s camper right after that. scully spots a trail and they hear darlene yell. When they find her, she’s fallen and kevin isn’t with her. scully sends mulder ahead and stays with darlene – she’s always doing that. for him, or for her, or for the people they come across? in my mind, some of all three. to let him see/find what’s out there, to avoid seeing/finding what’s out there, to help the person who needs immediate attention.

the way mulder protects kevin as the bikers go by is so fucking pure & instinctual. the way he speaks so gently & honestly with him. it really gets me because i know it’s what he wished he experienced when he was a kid. but the only time he’s experienced anything like that (truly anyway) is with scully. (here we see his doubt for the first time, that he might be chasing ghosts and it’s painful.) as he’s telling kevin he doesn’t think ruby is coming back, we hear scully scream mulder’s name and he takes off running with kevin.

this part makes me mad lol scully says ruby is alive but unconscious but they have her doing cpr?? absurd

i love when mulder asks science/medical questions – because he doesn’t know this kind of science but he has all the little facts about alien abductions & ufos & nasa/astronauts stored away in his brain and scully is always surprised & mildly impressed. (and so ruby is displaying the same symptoms astronauts have after being in space)

mulder doesn’t get what he hopes from ruby because darlene puts a stop to it. which visibly upsets kevin, who tried to reassure ruby that mulder knows. but darlene knows how people treat you when you talk about things like aliens & ufos & abductions and she wants to protect her daughter from experiencing what she did. mulder tries so hard to convince her that suppressing it won’t help ruby, but darlene’s mind is made up. scully has to put her hand on his shoulder to stop him continuing – another touch when mulder is feeling distressed. darlene taking the same vow of silence his parents did is extraordinarily painful for him. his empathy for kevin & ruby is so extreme in this moment.

and now for the real pain: scully is listening to his regression tapes, while mulder is sobbing in a church. the fact that she chooses to listen to the tapes feels monumental for their relationship. she doesn’t believe what he believes, but she wants to understand him. he sounds so young – and it is david’s voice right? it’s the same but so different and god i love when actors can change their voice like that.

as she listens, scully looks over the file. hse looks at the photo of samantha, then a photo of mulder & samantha. they were just kids when this happened.

david is so fucking good. the unbridled pain & grief, mulder is so lost. he sits in a church, looking for comfort, still hoping for answers. but he has no idea how to get either of those things.

“i want to believe.” – mulder has said he has the same doubts as scully, but this is the first real confirmation we get of it. he was telling kevin he didn’t think ruby was coming back. he showed his hand to kevin, but he didn’t show scully. he kept pushing what he wanted to believe – which for this case was that ruby would be returned, and for himself, that one day samantha would return unharmed. as he was supposedly told by the beings that took her. but keeping that belief after all these years has been incredibly difficult and he didn’t want kevin to suffer the same way. but they got lucky this time and ruby was returned.

this scene was really so much. the juxtaposition of scully in the office listening to his regression, and mulder sitting with his pain in a church. so good, so painful.

[kyliafanfiction]

2, 4, 38, 40, 55 from the fanfic writer ask meme?

Thanks for the Ask!

2. talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

I don't know if I have that many times where it's happened like this, but one that did have it happen is in my fic Iron Coin Chronicles Season 1. A core idea of the fic from the start was that Faith wasn't going to go evil. But I did still want to write the reason of Buffy Season 3 close enough to the canon that there needed to be someone in the Scoobies who worked for the Mayor. So I decided to prevent Amy from being turned into a rat, and then have her end up falling down a path to evil, manipulated by the Mayor, while also having her hang with the Scoobies more.

Instead, in the second appearance of her in the fic (the chapter that was supposed to be her start of Darkness, I got really into her dynamic with Faith - their similarities and the way it might play out between them and that rapidly progressed into me wanting to ship them together, which rewrote the rest of the Season (sorta) and them getting together and falling in love became a major sideplot of Season 2. And went on to be planned to be a major part of the rest of the plans for the series, though I ended up abandoning ICC-verse before going all the way with my plans for Faith/Amy.

4. what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

I mean, there are ideas that I had a long time ago that I still technically know and could write, but I wouldn't say I've carried them all this time, because I'm not all that into them anymore. And there's ideas I've wanted to write for a while, but they're not really a full on plot yet, because they're more just 'I want a fic with X trope and Y pairing' or something along those lines, but I haven't sat down and worked them out.

Allowing for that, I suppose the closest thing that would be an answer to this would be my recurring idea on a fic where I write a Halloween Fic for Xander in Buffy (YAHF as it's known, is a common theme where the characters get dressed up as someone different than in canon for the Halloween episode in Buffy Season 2, and some effects linger, as they did a bit in canon). I wanted to write it to avoid common pitfalls in the genre. These days, I also want to combine it with a desire for genderbending Xander, which Is also a trope I love. I don't really feel existential dread - I know why I shied away from it. One, trouble with a satisfactory plot, two, concerned I couldn't do it justice (though I don't really hold to that anymore) and most importantly, unsure what the hell to have Xander (or others) to dress up as that suits what I want. Every now and then I get an idea, or part of one, but I always rethink it. And right now, I hardly have the time for more fics so.

38. how many stories do you work on at one time?

Many. It does varry, but write now, not counting original ideas I really should be working on more, I'm currently in the midst of 6 different fics, which isn't completely atypical though it is more than historically common, and also working on a 7th very intermittently and I have serious groundwork done on 2 others ideas that I want to start but I DON'T HAVE THE FUCKING TIME. :sob:

40. best piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten.

Any comment or review that goes line-by-line about in the reader responding to specific sections.

55. do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

Yes. Many. Too many to list here. Usually either lack of response from readers, loss of interest for myself, writing myself into corners, my opinions of the characters changing to the point where I couldn't write the characters the way the story required, or most often, a combination of several or all of the above.

Asks for Fanfic Writers!

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. CXXVIII

It was a love story from the very beginning

I Love You and Goodbye

(15x18)

Hi my friends! We are finally in episode 15x18 "Despair" or "The Truth". The episode in which Destiel went canon.

So, let's grab our napkins and let's start with this.

Remember this meta is a summary from my metas from season 15 with some new additions now that the show ended.

You can find my metas from 15x18 following these links: X, X and X.

The last Destiel mirrors

I want to start this meta summary with the last two destiel mirrors from episode 15x18. Both of them were foreshadowing the big lover separation at the end.

Charlie always mirrored Dean, so it's very interesting to hear her talking about how her relationship with Stevie started.

She mentioned she didn't want to try that love thing again, it's a parallel of Dean's past with Cassie earlier in the show. It started as a game could be also related to Dean first attempts of flirting with Castiel in season 4 and 5.

I'll go with you...

One of the most iconic Destiel quotes has to be recalled in this episode too. Loyalty, love and abnegation from Castiel to Dean.

Because I Love You (Romantically)

This whole description from the scene it had been taken from my meta, I want to transcript the whole analysis here just because the moment I wrote this I was still hoping Dea would rescue Castieo, and I was crying and laughing hysterically, so... I wanna share that to all of you:

This love confession was beautiful, and Castiel made it clear he was talking about ROMANTIC LOVE, because the whole prelude in his wordings were perfectly clear. There's not doubt he was confessing his romantic love for Dean. He even mention THE ONLY THING I CAN'T HAVE is the thing that will make him happy.

It's canon he was asking himself what happiness could be!!! It means CAS THOUGHT ABOUT HOW COULD IT BE TO HAVE DEAN NOT JUST AS A FRIEND!!!!

He says too FROM THE MOMENT HE TOOK THAT BURDEN! FROM THE MOMENT HE RESCUED DEAN FROM HELL!!!!!! 'It has always been you', Dean!'

I'm gonna stop here just a little to point out why the quote "IT HAS ALWAYS BENN YOU" said by Billie takes a huge significance in here. Because Dean is not just the centric problem of a Cosmic entity, like Death, but the centric topic in Castiel's confession.

The love confession from 15x18 was a recalling of the first Destiel scene in the barn. In which Castiel saw a broken soul, a man that thought he didn't deserved to be saved, and immediately he took that challenge in his arms. The challenge was to make Dean BELIEVE HE WAS WORTHY. That he deserved to be saved AND LOVED. That's why from this moment on, Dean will change the way he sees himself.

When Castiel says he understood HAPPINESS IS NOT ABOUT TO HAVE IT, BUT IT'S ABOUT TO SAY IT (FEEL IT) immediately after saying he couldn't have that thing (Dean) is marking to all the audience that knowing HE CAN'T HAVE DEAN, HE IS HAPPY JUST FEELING THAT LOVE FOR HIM. LOVONG HIM AS HE DOES IS WHAT MAKES CAS HAPPY, AND CONFESSING THAT LOVE TO DEAN, RELEASE HIM.

Because Death gave a speech that became a summary of all the villains through this show, Castiel is the one purifying each mean word by transforming them into Dean's virtues.

While naming Dean's sacrifices and protective behavior, and showing him HE DID IT FOR LOVE, Castiel is trying to make Dean to see himself as CAS sees him.

Love yourself, because you are precious, because I LOVE YOU. You are not a monster, you are all this good things I see on you.

Gif set credit @mugiwara-lucy

Castiel crying, loving Dean with all of his self, and Dean in shock (or silenced by the network and the writers).

All the foreshadows of Dean gagging, vomiting, swallowing, eating... all of that was for this moment here. Dean's silence. Dean eating his words, Dean being silenced.

We could try to find other explanation, or live forever inside Jackie's magnificent acting options (giving us that swallow and mouth shut, as if he was trying to speak... as if he was trying to reply to his angel...) but truth is... C*W and the writers silenced him.

And then Castiel was swallowed by black goo, again. And that was Misha's last apparition. The ultimate sacrifice for love. Again.

Castiel Love's confession word by word

I'm gonna talk about specifically of the Destiel scene. Word by word, as I wrote in the third meta on the top of this volumen, with some new additions.

“I always wondered, ever since I took that that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be, what...what my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer. Because the one thing I want...it's something I know I can't have."

It's canon now that Castiel was wondering what would it be to have Dean not just as a friend, but as a lover, and I'm.... Okay. (Internally screaming).

Pointed by @weird-dorky-little-d, the parallel here with Pamela (Dean's fem mirror in Rocky's Bar) in which she said DEAN ALWAYS WANTED WHAT HE COULDN'T HAVE. It means, both dumbasses in love thought their love were unrequited (in the worst scenario) but maybe to Castiel was the Sacred Oath? Perhaps...

"But I think i know...I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having. It's in just being. It's in just saying it.”

This is such a deep thought and it talks about Castiel's maturity of character. He understood once for all, that loving Dean Winchester, feeling what he feels for him, and expressing that to Dean, is his true happiness. Because...

METATRON: "(...) You draped yourself in the flag of Heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human. Right?"

Dean: "What are you talking about, man?

This question coming from Dean shows the audience Dean didn't know what Castiel was trying to say. So this could be a clue about Dean thinking his love is unrequited.

Cas: “I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive and you're angry and you're broken. You're...you're 'Daddy's Blunt Instrument.' And you think hate and anger, that's...that's what drives you. That's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you sees it.

Cas: You know, ever since I met you, ever since I pulled you out from Hell...

I was hoping Dean to give us our angel back, but well. It was Jack. Hehehee.

Gif set credit @spnsmile

I recommend to go to the third link on the top of this meta and read @mrsaquaman187 amazing body language reading of this scene!

But now, about what Castiel is saying...

If you are still alive, i just want to point how romantic is this, because he is saying that Dean changed him for good. And he is naming all their family, Sam, Jack, and humanity, the world. Dean. So practically, Cas is saying, Dean showed Cas how to take care of others. Damn...

This is a call back to Castiel's talk with Ishim in 12x10:

ISHIM: The way you let those simians talk to you... Castiel, when did you get so gooey? You know why we're meant to stay away from them humans? Hmm? It's not because we're a danger to them. They're a danger to us. Case in point.

CAS: Well, my friendship with Sam and Dean has made me stronger.

Castiel rewording again, because he knows what Dean did on him, Dean changed him for good.

DEAN (quiet, resigned) Why does this sound like a goodbye?

CASTIEL: Because it is. I love you. (he smiles)

DEAN: Don't do this, Cas.

Dean's last words to Castiel... don't do this, don't confess your love for me and then die again.

It's painfully beautiful. Castiel was the light that touched Dean's life changing him for ever. He was loved and cared by this angel, and at the same time, Dean learned how to love Castiel in silence.

To Conclude:

The most beautiful love story ever told could've ended differently, happily, the way Dean and Cas deserved. But it ended up as a tragedy.

And we are here to fix it.

Destiel is canon and Destiel is forever.

Hope you like this meta. See you in the next one that will be the last one!

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @dizzypinwheel @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@destielle @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @belacoded @madronasky @anon-non2 @cea1996 @lisafu02 @asphodelesauvage @deancasgirl777

If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know.

If you wanna read the previous metas from this season, here you have the links:

Volume CXXI, CXXII, CXXIII, CXXIV, CXXV, CXXVI, CXXVII.

Buenos Aires, August 28 th 2021 9:03 PM

[windless-hurricane]

Sparks

Chapter Two: Orientation and the Crazed Potato Girl

A Reiner x Reader x (Eventual) Jean Fanfic

• ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ •

SUMMARY: After the fall of Shiganshina, you joined the military along with your brother. You had hoped to bring peace to the world by doing so, but the world was a cruel place. You seemed to lose more than you gained, but there was always someone - someone who made losing just a bit…easier. You hoped you could keep them forever, but was there a guarantee in this world?

AUTHOR’S NOTE: *SPOILER ALERT*

I was originally going to cut this chapter, but I just couldn’t after what happened a few episodes ago... 🥺 Sasha, you will forever be in our hearts!

WARNINGS (for entire series): Language, explicit violence, talks of death, suicide, trauma, and mental illness, graphic scenes involving blood and/or death, and sexuality.

WORD COUNT: 1.7k

TAGLIST: @flowersgirl02 @noodlenerd101 @nekohwa @drowned-pathetic-rat @bestgirlb​ @bleepop​

SPARKS MASTERLIST

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• ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ •

“You, cadet! What’s your name?!”

“(Y/N) Bauer, sir,” you shouted back with an angered look in your eyes.

If he hadn’t told you that you stuck out like a sore thumb moments before, you wouldn’t be as angry as you were now.

You knew your hair was quite...white for you being a teenager, but it wasn’t your fault. The last few years have been hell for you, especially since the Titans broke through the wall and destroyed your hometown. It hadn’t been easy, but for this man to come at you for it, it was unforgivable.

You wanted to snap at him, but you caught the eyes of your brother from afar. They were stern and told you exactly what not to do. So, you simply took to answering Shadis’s questions as fast as you could.

As a few cadets watched, Reiner did the same. However, something was eating at him. ‘Bauer, where have I heard that name before,’ he thought to himself.

Shadis hummed. “Would you happen to be related to Kurt Bauer?”

“Yes, sir,” you confirmed. “He was my father.”

Reiner’s eyes widened. White hair, Kurt Bauer. He knew exactly who you were.

“Ah, no wonder you looked so familiar. Your father had a full head of white hair when he was your age too.” He grabbed a strand of your hair, examining it, before nudging your head back roughly. It took everything in you to not retaliate.

“Well, do you hear that, maggots,” he shouted. “You have someone from the esteemed Bauer family here, the family of humanity’s best and strongest soldiers.”

In a split second, everyone turned their gazes to you and ogled you from afar.

You and your brother were from a very popular family, the Bauers to be exact. While you were proud of it, you were always embarrassed at how much attention it brought you. You already felt your ears burning as Shadis spoke again.

“I trained with your father and mother and trained your eldest brother. All real talents. Such a shame they didn’t put it to use though…”

You froze at his statement. What?

“...They all joined the Garrison Regiment.”

They did, you knew they did, but it was all for a reason and he didn’t know anything about it. No one did. No one had the room to talk about them.

Your jaw clenched from anger as your body trembled. No one...

“Hopefully you don’t make the same mistake,” he remarked, finally taking a few steps past you. However, he didn’t get far.

Right behind his feet, you hawked up a loogie and spat it out. He came to an abrupt stop as a few of the cadets surrounding you gasped.

He turned around slower than death and looked straight into your eyes.

“Cadet, could you tell me what you did just now?” His voice was menacing and low, and it made you smirk.

“I apologize, sir,” you saluted with an ever growing smile on your face. “It was just so dusty, I had to clear my throat.”

He lunged toward you in an instant and if anyone was watching from afar, they would say you were about to take your last breath because the man in front of you was going to slaughter you worse than any Titan ever could.

However, you grinned.

Everyone was looking at you like you had a death wish, while your brother simply slapped his hand onto his forehead. Reiner, on the other hand, grinned along with you.

“I know a great place where you wouldn’t have to worry about dust,” he mentioned and your eyebrow shifted.

“Care to show me,” you asked sarcastically.

You hadn’t expected him to show you the lake after orientation and you certainly hadn’t expected him to tell you to jump in and swim past sunset.

Yet, there you were. Still in full uniform, swimming your ass off.

Your entire body burned as you spent hours swimming laps in the lake. Your lungs were on fire and your vision was beginning to blur. If it wasn't for the cold breeze that hit the half of your face as you lifted it for air, you would’ve passed out a while ago.

As you looked into the distance past the splashing water, the orange mass was setting. Thank goodness, you thought.

You kept pushing for what felt like five more hours until the darkness completely overwhelmed the sky. The blackness made you want to close your eyes and drift to sleep, but drowning wasn’t an option now.

So, you used whatever was left of your might to swim to shore and pull yourself out of the lake.

You were drenched, exhausted, and crawling onto the sand with blurry vision. The last thing you were able to do was turn onto your back before collapsing entirely. You panted heavily, your cloudy breath staining the air.

You wanted to strip of your uniform, but couldn’t lift a finger to do so.

You smirked to yourself. ‘I’m going to die out here,’ you thought. ‘I’m going to get hyperthermia and die. Then, Shadis can get fired.’

As you hoped for Shadis’s firing, a pair of footsteps made their way over to you and stopped by your head. You attempted to look, but even that hurt you. So, you simply waited for them to move.

They knelt down beside you and wiped your forehead with a handkerchief. The closer they got, you realized who it was.

“Vik...tor,” you panted and he looked down at you with a confused look on his face.

“Why are you smiling,” he questioned, still wiping your face. You chuckled.

“Just...thinking about Shadis…getting fired...if I die.”

“Tch, you’re not going to die.”

“Well...he still...deserves it,” you remarked, causing him to roll his eyes.

“You’re really unbelievable, sister. C’mon.”

He wrapped his arm around the back of your shoulders and sat you up as slowly as he could. You still groaned in pain however and threw a coughing fit shortly after.

Your brother patted your back as he sighed, “There you go, just let it all out.”

Once you were done, you let out a huge exhale and felt slightly rejuvenated. “Shit, Shadis is a bastard.”

“Did you learn your lesson,” he questioned with a quirked eyebrow and you simply chuckled.

“No.”

“Tch,” he shook his head. “Maybe you really do take after dad.”

“Do you see this hair,” you snorted and he smirked faintly.

“Fair point.”

“I still don’t understand how you only got away with a streak of white hair,” you pointed out, causing him to shrug.

“Well, our family isn't lucky when it comes to stress,” he remarked. “Guess you just got the unluckier side of things.”

“Maybe.”

“Anyways, you need to eat.”

He unexpectedly pulled out a loaf of bread from his pocket and offered it to you. However, your eyes widened in panic.

“But isn’t the mess house still open?” He shook his head.

“This was all I was able to get.” You sighed, but were still content with what your brother had brought you.

So, you nodded thankfully before wrapping your hand around the loaf. However, the moment you did, you both heard growling from afar and froze. You looked to your right and saw a girl in the distance. She was on all fours and watched the both of you with glowing eyes. You squinted harder, trying to make out who it was.

“Wait a minute, isn’t that…” right as you trailed off, she ran toward the both of you at an inhuman speed. “Potato girl?!”

In an instant, her jaw was latched onto the loaf of bread and you and your brother shrieked in fear. He fell back, while you still clung to your bread. You were still very confused as to what was going on, but were deathly hungry. You didn’t even care if you were in pain. You wanted your bread.

You leaned forward determinedly and grabbed her face with one hand.

“Stop acting crazy, potato girl! It’s my bread,” you yelled, attempting to push her off, but her bite was relentless.

You kept pushing on her face as she started doing the same to you and you would have succeeded if your arm didn’t give out from exhaustion.

You fell back in annoyance and watched as she ravaged your poor loaf. Then, she screamed, causing you to flinch.

“Hey, what’re you-“ but she cut you off.

“I’m so sorry,” she cried. “I didn’t mean to. I was just so hungry.” Her mouth was full of chewed up bread and you would’ve been disgusted, if you weren’t more surprised by the fact that she wasn’t acting like an animal anymore.

“It’s whatever,” you pouted.

“Here,” she motioned and you looked down at her hand. There was still a piece of bread in it. While it wasn’t much, your mouth still watered.

“It’s fine,” you cooed. “You can eat it.”

“No, please,” she pleaded, taking your hands abruptly into hers and forcing the bread into them. “Eat it!”

You blushed in embarrassment before pulling away, “Fine, um, thank you...Sa-”

“Sasha,” she nodded. “Sasha Blouse.”

“(Y/N) Bauer,” you gestured to Viktor. “My brother.”

He was still gazing at Sasha nervously, but managed to smile, “Viktor Bauer.”

“Hey, is everything okay out here? I thought I heard screaming,” a new voice asked and you all looked to the owner of it. She was a small blonde girl, stopping once she neared the three of you.

“Yes,” your brother reassured, standing up quickly. If it wasn’t so dark, you would’ve seen the blush on his cheek.

“Oh, that’s good,” she smiled sweetly. “I just wanted to give you bread.” She held out two loaves and your mouth along with Sasha’s began to water. “I know you were running all day and you were swimming, so I thought you might be hungry.”

You and Sasha both looked at each other with wide eyes before looking back at the girl whose name you could’ve sworn was Krista.

“Are you…” you started to say.

“A goddess,” Sasha finished and you looked at her in disbelief.

This really was going to be a long three years.