#Spring 2018 books

[nyctohyloph0bia]

Thread of experts saying that endogenic and nondisordered systems are valid: A repost.

originally posted by @/jsheaforrest on Twitter, Oct 3 2023. This is a repost so that others can view it if they do not have Twitter.

First off, we have the Plurality chapter of the book Transgender Mental Health by Dr. Eric Yarbrough, Distinguished Fellow of the American Psychiatric, published by the APA in 2018 :

Important excerpts from that chapter: "Being plural, or having two or more people existing in one body or space, is just one part of the diagnosis of dissociative identity disorder. Many people who are plural do not experience distress from the existence of others within themselves."

Since distress/dysfunction are essential for a diagnosis of dissociative identity disorder, the implication here is that there's plurals who don't have DID. "However, although dissociative identity disorder and plurality are frequently associated with trauma, there are those who are plural and report no history of trauma. The case presentation in this chapter describes someone with severe trauma, but this is not a definitive or universal reason for the existence of plurality."

Next we have "Dissociation in Trauma: A New Definition and Comparison with Previous Formulations," published in the Journal of Trauma and Dissociation by Dr's Nijenhuis and Van Der Hart, two of the authors of the theory of structural dissociation.

The key part of this section is at the beginning where it says, "Our definition of dissociation pertains to a division of the personality in the context of trauma. We are aware that this division may also occur in hypnosis and mediumship, that several other definitions of dissociation also address these other contexts, and that there are some indications that dissociation in these other contexts is also best understood as a division of personality."

Source: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21667387/

Sci-hub link: https://sci-hub.usualwant.com/10.1080/15299732.2011.570592

Next we have the ICD-11, a diagnostic manual written by the World Health Organization, with the latest edition being from spring of 2022. In its entry on DID, it uses "distinct personality states" to refer to what it also calls "dissociative identities."

In the DID entry's Boundaries With Normality section, it says the following:

"The presence of two or more distinct personality states does not always indicate the presence of a mental disorder. In certain circumstances (e.g., as experienced by ‘mediums’ or other culturally accepted spiritual practitioners) the presence of multiple personality states is not experienced as aversive and is not associated with impairment in functioning. A diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder should not be assigned in these cases." Note that the text says "eg" meaning "for example", therefore it is not saying that it is ONLY those.

Next is the DSM-V-TR, which also came out in spring of 2022. In the differential diagnosis section of the PTSD entry, it says the following:

"Dissociative disorders. Dissociative amnesia, dissociative identity disorder, and depersonalization-derealization disorder may or may not be preceded by exposure to a traumatic event or may or may not have co-occurring PTSD symptoms. When full PTSD criteria are also met, however, the PTSD “with dissociative symptoms” subtype should be considered."

Lastly, we have an interview w/ Dr Richard Loewenstein, who is lead editor of the DSM's section on dissociative disorders, has written over 100 papers mostly on trauma and dissociation and been referenced in 100s more, and used to run a trauma and dissociative disorders center.

In an interview with radio journalist Laura Klivens, talking about our system and having been told our origins, he said what's on the screenshot below.

Source: https://gimletmedia.com/shows/reply-all/49hr6k (the link is broken, it redirects to Spotify, all gimlet media links do. If I find the episode i'll put it here.)

"RICHARD: What you’re describing is much more somebody who is emitting symptoms consistent with Dissociative Identity Disorder and, um, you know, without interviewing her, um, I would wonder if that’s … what’s occurring and this is--creates a kind of, um, way that she can experience herself without distress. But again, if she is not distressed, by definition it’s not a disorder."

Continuing on in that episode, Laura says the following:"

"LAURA: I didn’t just talk to Lowenstein, I also talked to four other mental health professionals--both psychiatrists and psychologists--from these really reputable institutions. And they echoed what Lowenstein said. They said if there’s not distress, it’s not a mental illness--it just doesn’t fit any of the DSM definitions."

So. All these sources, from the American Psychiatric Association, World Health Organization, the two major diagnostic manuals used worldwide, and experts who study and treat DID/OSDD-1.

They all support the idea of nondisordered and endogenic systems. We've yet to see a single source from any major institution or expert saying that endogenic and nondisordered systems are impossible. Thank you for reading.

This is the end of the original thread. The thread picks up again on Jan 8, 2024.

New addition: a recent study (September 12, 2023) specifically on endogenic and nondisordered plurality.

source: https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/cpp.2910

"Dissociative identity disorder and depersonalization–derealization have attracted research and clinical interest, facilitating greater understanding. However, little is known about the experience of multiplicity of self outside of traumagenic or illness constructs. Consequently, this systematic review explored how people identifying as having multiple selves conceptualize their experiences and identity."

It picks up once again, on Jan 17, 2024.

Another addition, from an article on Psychology Today's website published in September of 2021.

source: https://psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/dissociative-identity-disorder-multiple-personality-disorder

Key points: "Why some people develop dissociative identity disorder is not entirely understood...Several studies suggest that DID is more common among close biological relatives of persons who also have the disorder than in the general population."

[tvangelique]

the west in common glory ✶

greetings. hello. hi. my name is solana . or tabby . [many other names said here] afro-asian. libra sun, pisces moon, capricorn rising. i was written by the cure and left in a time capsule. my mind is blown away by ancient history, you’ll find my awareness there, too.

sixteen . i go by she / her . a lesbian .. ? . i think ?? i like to kiss girls, and pretty boys when i’m half—aware of their masculinity ♡

frequently blogging : on a flip phone while on the coast of georgia

┊

i belong to creaky houses and holes in the walls. the universe in a physical form. a ton of physical forms. the universe has sparked me with the power of unpredictability and it’ll be a waste not to use it. barely online, i have the tendency to pop up and disappear until i’m on the other side of the country.

𝗁𝗆, 𝗁𝗎𝗆. favorite things .

my book. WOAH. so egotistical. i know. i’m autistic. (whomp whomp). i always give the advice to “write what you wanna read.”

i’m a daughter of cain, but i’m sure my profile screamed that already. given, i like the countryside (speaking as someone who’s lived there. twice!!!!), i like humid spring nights & biblical allegories

ancient rome captivated me. not too long ago, i happened to be in history, mourning julius caesar like he had laid across my own arms. i love gothic literature (interview with the vampire!!!! my beloved!!!), perhaps one day, i’ll touch up on yellowjackets .. and hannibal .. and—am i missing anything else?

a good instrumental + layering background vocals for the second rendition of the chorus + lyrics that even semi — relates to my own personal multiverse ????? everything. a romance sub - plot that ends in tragedy. btw. i never understood romeo and juliet.

“ . . . i was young & sweet

and then something happened. ”

um. confession. i have no idea how to use letterboxd. come back in a month or. two. but until then. here are some things i rate 5 stars.

sinners : ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

“ there has not been a day where the soundtrack has not blown my mind. i’m so serious. and that sequence.. if you know, you know. one of the best in modern cinema. such a thoughtful depiction of colonialism & the effects it has psychologically. and vampirism as a way to depict cultural assimilation into the majority.. just go watch the movie. ”

bones & all : ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

“ watched this recently and lord. actually a comfort-film for all the wrong reasons. first off, i’m a sucker for any metaphor with cannibalism, but i love how this especially ties into addiction and generational trauma. also. maren is me. that’s all. ”

tabby core: maren, bones & all. jinx, arcane. elphaba, wicked. rue, euphoria. lucy gray, hunger games (apparently???? many people have told me this???). gretchen, mean girls. claudia, interview with the vampire. coraline.

shifting realities. okay. to give a bit of a backstory, i’ve always been a spiritual kid. i was seven ? — years old when i stumbled upon those youtube spells. say 3 mantras, end it with “ to mote it be ” run out the room to see if my dolls have truly moved on their own or not. i grew up on fairy truths, BDA (believe, dream, achieve) if anyone remembers them.

anyway, i was with my father one day when i’ve seen that they had posted a video, but it didn’t have the words my brain was familiar with—no. my mantras were replaced with music, and a 20 second video became three minutes. i had no idea what i happened to be looking at, but it continued. i discovered subliminals in 2018, which i used religiously,

then. boom. i saw that iconic video about a girl shifting to hogwarts. swapped the hogwarts phase out for a naruto one and a over exaggerated streamer dr that included more musical numbers than i’m willing to admit. anyways. trial and error. i’ve smelt vanilla when i was sure we owned no scented candles. and i’ve never tried again.

until a book fell on my lap and my need for praise told me to “deal with it.”

[txttletale]

do you think the marketing device of the deltarune “chapters” plays a meaningful role in how (un)satisfying it feels? like if they were released as separate short games in a series with nothing changed content wise, would that feel different? compared to say like, a book series - TLT springs to mind as an unfinished yet enjoyable collection of serial works

sure, if DELTARUNE had been a full game of similar length that came out in 2018 and was followed up by DUNE LATER, ANT DUELER, NUT DEALER, UNRELATED, ELDER AUNT, and NUDE ALERT, i would probably feel differently about playing it. but like, i guess i kind of simply refuse the premise you're putting forward, because i'm pretty sure that if toby "radiation" fox conceptualized these releases as full standalone games rather than 'chapters' they would have different content innit

[simpofhans]

THE COMPLETE FROZEN FRANCHISE TIMELINE IF SOMEONE NEEDS IT :

Pre-Frozen 1 :

Dangerous Secrets (chapters up to Frozen 2 prologue mention)

Elsa's Icy Rescue

Disney Storied Places (In the Beginnings part)

Anna and the King

Anna Finds a Friend

Disney Storied Places (Growing Up part)

The Fixer Upper

A Frozen Heart (chapters up to Frozen beginning)

Frozen Complete Story/Frozen : Elsa and Anna's Saga (first few pages)

Dangerous Secrets (final chapters)

During Frozen 1 :

Frozen (of course)

Once Upon a Snowman

A Frozen Heart (most chapters up to epilogue)

Fantasy Springs/Frozen Kingdom lore

Post Frozen 1 :

Elsa and Anna series

A Frozen Heart (epilogue)

Elsa and the Frost Monster

A Frozen Heart (epilogue)

Dark Horse comics

Joe Books comics

Frozen magazines comics (up to 2020 and after 2024, partially)

Olaf's Frozen Adventure

Frozen Fever

World of Frozen/Summer Snow Day lore

Arendelle Ice Calamity

Winter Festival

During Frozen 2 :

Frozen 2

Novelizations

Myth A Frozen Tale (partially)

Post Frozen 2 :

French Books

Polar Nights : Cast Into Darkness

The Next Right Things

Midsummer Song and Dance

Engaging Anna and Kristoff + Anna and Kristoff engagement party show

Disney California Adventure Hans lore (probably)

Myth A Frozen Tale (probably)

AU'S :

OUAT Season 4 (episodes 1-11)

Disney Speedstorm

Disney Magic Kingdoms (post Frozen 1 - 2016-2018, post Frozen 2 - 2019-2020)

[supernovafics]

series masterlist | last part — next part

pairing: modern!college!steve harrington x fem!reader, bestfriend!eddie munson x fem!reader

word count: 5.4k words

warnings: explicit language, a bit of violence (kinda?) (only mentioned and barely even described), some angst

summary: you don’t know why you avoid telling everyone that you and steve are “broken up,”  but you do. and you don’t realize how much of a bad idea that is until way too late

CHAPTER FIFTEEN | ❝𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒊𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒐𝒖𝒕❞

Fall Semester 2016

“Who’s the guy again?” 

“I met him at the library. He asked to borrow my laptop charger and then when he was handing it back he asked for my number, and he texted asking to hang out,” You quickly explained as you slipped on your jacket and then turned to look at Eddie, who was sitting at your desk.

You weren’t particularly excited about the date, but you were excited to do something that you hadn’t done in a long time, and the smallest part of you could admit that you were doing this to try and be completely over Eddie. Your feelings being pushed and buried away were one thing, but if you were actually able to date someone else that had to mean that there definitely wasn’t anything else there. At least, that was what your mind told you, and it sounded somewhat logical.  

“If it sucks and you wanna get out of it, just call me,” Eddie told you.

“Robin already has that job,” You said. “We have a code word and everything.” 

He laughed a little. “What’s the code word?” 

“Dolphin.”

“That’s very random.” 

“Yes, and that makes it a more believable code word.” 

“Okay, makes sense,” He nodded. “Anyway, if she somehow ends up not answering, I will.” 

You doubted that would happen— you hadn’t known Robin for that long, but you already knew that she was very reliable. Still, though, you nodded at Eddie’s words because you liked how much he cared. It didn’t necessarily surprise you, but it still warmed your heart all the same. “Okay.” 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

Spring Semester 2018

It was the book that was making you cry right then. Nothing else. 

And maybe that wasn’t entirely true, but it felt like the easiest explanation. 

You reread the last page a few more times before finally closing the book and setting it on your desk. It was the same book that you’d been reading in Mexico with Steve a few days ago. 

He was right about the ending— the son died, and it happened right after he and the dad finally got in a good place. Of course, he’d been right.

A part of you wanted to text him and tell him that, but you didn’t. Instead, you kept silently crying— trying to remember the last time a book made you this emotional, but deep down knowing that it really wasn’t just the book. 

You didn’t get the chance to force yourself to face the exact reasoning behind your tears before there was a knock on your slightly cracked open door and Robin was walking in a second later. 

“Hey, I have two things I need to tell you. One is a question from Talia, who is too lazy to get out of bed right now, and the other is very fun news,” She stopped when she noticed you crying. “Woah, shit, you okay?”

“Yeah, sorry, I’m fine. I just finished reading this book and the ending was pretty sad,” You answered, haphazardly pushing your tears away with the sleeves of the sweater you were wearing. “What’s up, though?”

“Is Steve coming to game night on Monday? Talia wants to decide on teams now because she doesn’t want to get stuck with Eddie again.”

“Oh, um, me and him broke up…” The words felt so weird coming from your lips and you suddenly wondered if it had been stupid to not tell her and everyone else sooner. Instead, over the last few days, you simply didn’t talk about him because the timing never felt right enough to say what you should’ve said.

“Wait, what?” The confused look on Robin's face was easy to read. “Is that why you’re actually crying right now?”

You quickly shook your head. “No, no, it was just about the book. The Steve thing doesn’t even matter to me.”

“So, what happened? And when? Was it the trip? Did he hurt you? Do I need to kill him?”

You couldn’t help but laugh a little at how fast she was talking as she sat down at the foot of your bed. You turned to face her. “No, you don’t need to kill him, and yes, it happened right when we got back. We just realized that we want different things.” You shrugged halfheartedly. “Sorry, it took me so long to tell you; I know it’s only been a few days, but still. I just didn’t really wanna think about it, I guess.”

“It’s fine, that makes sense,” She assured you. “I know you and him weren’t dating for long but you two were really cute together.”

Hearing her say that, pulled at something in you for a second, but then you remembered that that just meant that you and Steve had been really good actors, pretenders, liars.

“Oh, what was the other thing you wanted to tell me?” You asked, shifting the subject. “You said fun news?”

Robin nodded. “Oh, yeah, I just found out about this party tonight at this girl’s lake house that’s an hour away. You wanna come?”

“I’m not really in a party mood,” You answered after the briefest moment of hesitation. It probably would’ve been good to get out of the apartment and actually do something that didn’t involve lounging on the couch in the living room, like you’d been doing since you got back from Mexico, but you couldn’t imagine leaving the confines of your room right then. “Sorry.”

“No, that’s understandable,” Robin told you. “I know you said that you’re fine about the breakup, but is there anything you want right now? We can watch a shitty movie, and Vickie will probably be okay with you having the last of her mint chocolate chip ice cream.”

You shook your head at her suggestions. “No, I’m okay, honestly. But, thanks, though.”

She smiled at you. “Of course, no problem. What are friends for if not someone to do cliche breakup stuff with? We could also burn any pictures you have of Steve, or throw eggs at his car, or key it?”

You laughed at that. “Great ideas, but hard no to all of them.”

“Okay, well, once you get to the anger stage of your grief, I’ll happily revisit any of those ideas with you.”

“There are no stages and there is no grief,” You told her as she got up from your bed. “I’m completely okay.”

“You’re voluntarily staying in on a Saturday night. I don’t know if I would call that “completely okay.””

“This is very normal behavior for me.”

She considered your words for a second. “Okay, yeah, maybe that’s true.” 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

It was the first time that the silence within the apartment felt okay. It actually wasn’t completely silent, you were watching a movie on the couch, but you were alone and felt entirely fine with that. 

You could feel yourself slowly falling asleep— head against one of the throw pillows and blanket pulled over you and it didn’t even really matter to you that it wasn’t even eleven o’clock yet— when there was a knock on the door. 

Weirdly enough, your immediate thought was that it was Steve, mainly because you knew that everyone else who could’ve been at the door right then was at a party an hour away.  

Instead, though, when you opened the door with your blanket still wrapped around you, it was Eddie standing there.

“Hey, I assumed you went with everyone to that lake house thing,” You said, pushing the door open further to let him in. 

“Robin mentioned it to me, but I had already planned on meeting up with a couple people from one of my classes at some bar,” He responded and you nodded as you closed the door behind him. 

You looked at him for a second. There was something weird about his demeanor right then. It seemed like something was wrong, and that quickly worried you because you couldn’t easily tell what that something was.

“Is everything okay?”

He shook his head, and for a few moments that was the only response you got, but then he was saying, “Not really.” 

“You’re being so–” You stopped mid-sentence when you finally noticed his right hand, how red and bruised it was. “Oh, shit, what the hell happened to your hand?”

“It looks worse than it feels,” He said, giving you a small smile. “Okay, actually, it feels pretty bad too.”

You dropped your blanket on the couch and then went over to the kitchen, grabbing one of the few small hand towels that sat next to the stove and then pulling some ice out of the freezer. 

“Come here,” You told him as you put the ice in the towel and made some sort of makeshift ice pack. Eddie joined you in the kitchen and you grabbed his bruised hand, softly placing the towel on top of it. You looked up at him. “What happened?”

He was quiet for way too long; things became almost unbearably quiet. You lightly nudged him with your foot. “Eddie.” 

He broke your gaze, looking down instead. “Fuck, it really sucks that I have to tell you this. I’m sorry.”

Hearing him say that only confused you further. “Tell me what?”

“I also saw Steve at the bar I was at…” Eddie started and then trailed off for a second. The look on his face made it seem as if the next thing he was about to say to you was going to be the most devastating thing ever. “And he was making out with some girl.”

“Oh,” Was all you said at first because you didn’t really understand why Eddie was telling you that right then and why he made it sound like the biggest deal in the world. And then, after the briefest of seconds, you were quickly realizing. “Oh.”

“I’m sorry,” Eddie told you, thinking that your “oh” was a sad one. “I wish I did a lot more than just punch him, but the security at that place is actually good so they immediately threw me out.”

Given what you two were currently doing in your kitchen, you should’ve expected Eddie to say that, but it still surprised you so much that you could feel your eyes widen. “What? You punched him?”

“Of course I did,” Eddie said, like it had been an obvious choice. “I saw him cheating on you.”

You dropped your hands from his and immediately covered your face. “Oh my god. I can’t believe you did that.”

“Please don’t try to defend him right now. I know you really like him, probably even love him, but what he did is so fucked up.”

You were shaking your head and kept your hands covering your face as you said, “He didn’t cheat on me.” 

“I’m sorry,” You heard Eddie say. “But, I promise you I know what I saw. I wouldn’t be telling you this if I wasn’t a thousand percent sure. I also wouldn’t have punched him if I wasn’t sure.”

You could’ve simply told him that you and Steve were broken up just like you told Robin earlier, but you suddenly felt tired of lying, and for once, telling the truth genuinely felt easier. 

You dropped your hands from your face and looked at Eddie. “He didn’t cheat on me because we're not together. We were never really together.” 

It surprisingly felt like so much of a relief to say it out loud, to finally be honest, so you kept going. “It was all fake; the entire relationship. And I’m so sorry for lying to you and to everyone. This entire thing ended up being so stupid and the worst idea ever. But, I don’t know, at first I thought it could be kinda good. And Steve thought so too; he was the one to suggest it actually, and he also had his own reasons for wanting to do this fake dating thing. I figured this could be the best way to do something about my feelings for you without outwardly admitting how I felt and potentially fucking up our friendship in the process, and I wouldn’t have to live in the unknown anymore like I’ve been since freshman year. And just for a second it seemed like it actually was working, and maybe you did feel something back. But then we had that conversation on your fire escape and I knew then that you’d never see me as anything more than as your best friend. It kinda hurt finally realizing that, but eventually it felt okay, though.” 

You let out a breath and inwardly felt as if the biggest weight had just been lifted off of your shoulders.

“You liked me?” That wasn’t exactly what you expected to hear Eddie say in response to your word vomit, but it made sense; it was the big “why” behind everything you did for the last month.  

“Yeah, sorry, I guess I kinda glossed over that part in my super long-winded explanation,” You said, a sudden shyness hit you and you looked away from him. “I did. I was stupidly in love for a really long time. I finally got over it after we had that conversation, though. But, I still had to fulfill my side of the deal I had with Steve, so I did that in Mexico and when we came back, that was it. Life was back to normal. But I was a fucking idiot and didn’t tell you that me and him were “broken up,” so here we are now.”

“I’m sorry,” Eddie said, a soft look on his face. “I’m sorry I didn’t know how you felt. I’m sorry I couldn’t see it.”

“No, please don’t be sorry. This is all on me. I did all of this complicated shit instead of simply talking to you about everything,” You said, leaning back against the counter. “Because you were so right that day, we are just meant to be best friends. That's the way that we’re supposed to be in each other’s lives. I get that now.”  

He got quiet again, probably still processing everything that you had just told him, which you had to admit was a lot. 

“Are we okay?” You asked when the silence started becoming too much to bear. “Did this fuck everything up like I thought it would?” 

Eddie shook his head at your questions. “Of course not. You could never fuck things up between us, and I feel really bad that you ever thought that you could, and I also wish that I had felt the same way about you… I do love you. It’s just…”

The smallest part of you expected to feel hurt finally hearing the rejection, but surprisingly you didn’t. “Just not in that way. I know. It’s okay. Please don’t feel bad. I know that we shouldn’t be together. I’ve accepted that,” You told him. “And I really wanna say that we should just forget this entire conversation ever happened because it would make things a lot easier and I’d also feel a lot less embarrassed if we did, but I don’t think we should do that. This may sound weird, but it actually feels kind of good having the truth out in the open.”

“Okay,” He said with a nod.

You looked back down at his hand and the towel covering it. 

“How’s it feeling?” You asked, slightly shifting the subject. 

“Better, kinda. The ice feels good,” He answered and then let out something that sounded like a breath of a laugh and a scoff in disbelief as he shook his head. “Jesus Christ, I can’t believe I punched him.”

“Me neither. But thank you for defending my honor, I guess?”

He smiled at you; a genuine smile that let you know that things were actually okay between you two. “Anytime.” 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

“So, everything with Steve was fake,” Eddie said when you two were settled on the couch, the movie you had put on earlier still playing. His words sounded slightly like a question, but also like he was still just trying to make sense of everything that you had previously told him.

“Yes, and let’s wait at least a month before we start joking about this. I need to let my poor bruised ego heal first,” You responded, dramatically pressing your hands to your heart, a small smile on your face. 

Eddie laughed a bit. “Deal.” 

And you expected that to be that. Everything was out in the open and everything was fine. You still had to tell everyone else the truth, but you knew that would end up being okay too. And once you did tell everyone, everything could all be put in the past and you could finally move on from it. There wouldn’t be anything lingering or festering; no “what ifs” or whatever else. 

“Can I ask something?” Eddie asked, voice getting soft again, and you nodded in response, unsure where he was going to go with his question. “Was it hard keeping how you felt a secret? I’m trying to think about if the roles were reversed, and I don’t think I would’ve been able to keep it from you.” 

“Honestly, sometimes it was hard, but also not really. And I know that’s kind of a contradictory answer, but it’s true,” You answered, somehow finding it so easy to be honest now. “For the most part, my feelings were shoved to the side and I pretended that they weren’t there. Like, when you were dating Chrissy, because I obviously didn’t wanna get between what you two had, and when you two broke up, because I knew that you weren’t ready for anything new. They still lingered deep down, though. And it was always random moments when I would get reminded that they were still there. But, keeping our friendship intact always felt more important than admitting anything because I love our friendship.”

He nodded understandingly. “I love it too.”

“Okay, this is kind of random, but do you remember that frat party we went to freshman year right before winter break?” You asked, and before he could say anything in response, you continued, forcing yourself to say what you had never said out loud before. “We were both stupidly drunk, and at one point— I think it was right before we were about to leave— you got, like, pushed into me by some random person, and we were standing really close, and then we, uh, kissed.”

The surprised look on his face was entirely expected. “I vaguely remember the party. But, I don’t remember the kiss, though. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. When we talked about the party the day after, you basically said that it was all kind of a blur to you, so that’s what I figured. I wasn't entirely sure if you didn’t remember it, so a part of me had wanted to ask back then, but in that moment I thought it was just easier to let it go.” 

It was almost startling how honest you were being with him right then— saying things that you didn’t think you’d ever admit out loud— and how perfectly okay it all felt. And weirdly enough, this also felt like the most honest you’d ever been with yourself too. 

“Thinking about it now,” You continued. “That probably should’ve been the moment that I let myself get over you. Because I could’ve told you about the kiss right then and there, but I didn’t want whatever your response would be— whether it be a rejection or whatever else— to change anything between us. And it was the same thing when we came back from break, and I was so close to admitting everything to you, but you told me that you and Chrissy were together first. I probably should’ve still told you then. And maybe I never did because deep down I always knew that nothing should change between us. I don’t know… A part of me is still trying to make it all make sense. But then, at the same time, I've been trying to avoid it all and not think about it.” You sighed. “The last couple of weeks have been pretty weird and confusing.”

“Maybe it’s not supposed to easily make sense, or make sense at all. And I know that’s probably a shit response, but…” Eddie trailed off and then shrugged after a moment. 

“No, I get what you mean,” You said, nodding at his words, and then you thought about something. “Honestly, the only thing that has ever really made sense with us is this. Watching movies together, listening to music, talking about unserious things, and also talking about the most serious things ever; stuff I never thought to tell anyone else.” You smiled at him. “Oh, and getting stuck in elevators together too.” 

He smiled back at you before saying, “The elevator thing sadly only happened once.” 

“We can try to recreate it one day.”

“Great idea,” Eddie responded with a nod. “The elevator in that building is still probably shitty.” 

“So true. And if not, we can just start jumping in it and that’ll probably do the job.”

“Or it will kill us.”   

You couldn’t help but laugh at that and Eddie laughed too and then winced as he readjusted the towel on his hand. 

That was what made you finally think about Steve. Was he even okay? 

And then you immediately felt like shit for not considering that question sooner. 

You abruptly got up from the couch and headed into your room before Eddie could question you. You grabbed the Advil bottle from your bathroom and then tossed it over to him when you walked back out into the living room. 

“For the pain. Take two of these and try to go to sleep. You can even take my bed if you wanna,” You told him and then headed to the fridge to grab a bag of frozen vegetables from the freezer. “I'm gonna go check on Steve. And yes, I’m stealing your van.”

Eddie pulled his keys out of his jacket pocket and handed them over to you. There was an amused look on his face. “When’s the last time you drove?”

“Don’t question my driving skills right now, Munson,” You said as you slipped the keys into the pocket of the sweatpants you were wearing and then grabbed the first zip-up hoodie you saw hanging on one of the hooks by the door. “Goodnight.” 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

It wasn’t until you were standing outside the door of Steve’s apartment that you realized that maybe he wasn’t even here. He’d been on a date, or at least, with someone when Eddie saw him, so there was a chance that he was still with her. 

Still, though, you knocked. And, surprisingly enough, he answered.

His face— more specifically, his left eye— looked bad; very bruised, and already settled into the dark red and purplish color that it would probably be for the next few days. 

“Oh my god. I’m so sorry,” You said, immediately handing over the frozen peas you had in your hand; they obviously weren’t as cold as they were before the twenty-minute drive to get here, but they still felt good enough. “All of this is my fault. It completely slipped my mind to tell Eddie that we “broke up.” I didn’t tell anyone, actually, except for Robin, but that was just today. I’m really sorry. The last few days have been weird.”

Steve gave you a small smile that felt entirely undeserved and he pushed the door open further so that you could walk into his apartment. “It’s okay.” 

You shook your head. “It’s really not. You have a black eye because of me being an idiot.”

“This would be the part where I’d say that you should see the other guy to prove that this isn’t as bad as it looks, but you’ve already seen him, so that doesn’t really work in this situation,” Steve told you jokingly and you shook your head, giving him a small smile back. You still felt like shit, but at least he didn’t seem to hate you for causing all of this. “How did you get here?” 

“I drove Eddie’s van. He came to my place after it happened,” You said and Steve nodded understandingly. “You’re right, though. His hand looks worse than your eye.” You weren’t entirely sure if that was even true— in all honesty, their injuries probably looked about the same on the bad scale— but it felt like the right thing to say at this moment. “I told him everything, by the way. About our whole relationship being fake and me doing it because I had feelings for him.”

Steve looked as if he didn’t expect to hear you say that. “How did that go?”

“Surprisingly good,” You answered honestly. He gave you an almost congratulatory-looking smile in response and you quickly shook your head. “No, not good in that way. He doesn’t feel that way about me. And I knew that. There was this conversation that I had with him before all of this that kind of solidified that for me. It wasn’t some huge moment where he outwardly said that he didn’t like me, but it gave me the push I needed to finally accept that me and him are only meant to be friends. I don’t even feel any other way about him now.” You let out a sigh before letting out a different part of the truth. “I kinda lied to you in Mexico and the days leading up to it. I knew the truth about everything then, but I felt too embarrassed to tell you and I also just really didn’t want to think about it.”

“Shit, I’m sorry this didn’t work for you,” He sounded so genuine about it and gave you a sad look that reminded you of exactly what you didn’t want to happen. 

You shook your head. “Don’t do that. Please don’t feel sorry for me.” 

“I was the one that kept telling you from the beginning that this was gonna work so now I feel kinda bad that it didn’t.” 

“Okay, yeah, that’s true but it doesn’t matter now,” You told him. “And just because this didn’t work for me doesn’t mean that I regret it— I honestly don’t regret it. It was dumb and a waste of time for me, but still, I don’t really regret it. Also, you got what you wanted out of this, right?”

Steve nodded after a second. “Yeah, I actually talked to my mom yesterday and she asked about you and I told her that we broke up.”

“Did you make me a cheater?” 

“Yeah, and I think she actually feels bad. But, we’ll see in a week or two if she brings up the Hamptons,” He answered. “I kind of doubt that she will, though. I tried to seem really upset about everything.” 

“I wish I could’ve been there for that phone call. I would’ve loved to see your acting skills.”

He smiled at your joking words. “They were fantastic.”

“Good,” You responded. “So, no finding your future wife this summer?” 

“Hopefully not.”  

“Congratulations,” You told him. “And you’re welcome for me being the greatest girlfriend during the Mexico trip.”

“I don’t know if I should thank you since I do have a black eye now because of you.”

You could tell he was joking, but you still decided to play into it. “Wow, so, you are mad at me for that!”

He playfully rolled his eyes at you. “I was kidding.”

“It’s okay to be mad at me. It would be deserved, honestly. And I’d completely understand if you hate me now. You should hate me.”

He gave you a serious look, but there was still the smallest smile on his face. “Stop.” 

You held up your hands in mock surrender. “Fine, fine. I did just give you a bag of sort of frozen peas to help with your eye, so I feel like you can’t be that mad at me, anyway.” 

“And I will cherish this bag of peas for the rest of my life,” He told you as he placed them over his bruised eye and you could only laugh at that. 

A comfortable silence lingered for a second, and it was what let you know that this should probably be it. It had barely been ten minutes, but you’d done everything that you felt as if you needed to do— you checked on him, made sure he was okay, and told him the truth— there was nothing else to do. 

But, instead of saying something equivalent to the simple “Goodbye” that should’ve left your lips right then, you said, “Can I stay for a bit?” 

“Yeah, sure,” Steve answered with a nod.

“You got throw pillows,” You pointed out as you sat on his couch. You grabbed one of the two gray pillows and placed it in your lap. 

“Yeah, somebody once told me that my couch looked sad and lonely,” He said and that made you smile.

“Still no curtains, though,” You responded, gesturing to the windows.

“One day I’ll get around to it.”

You gave him a quick nod. “Got it.” 

Steve put on a show that you both had seen before and things were quiet for a bit as you rewatched the familiar episode. 

“Oh, you were sadly right, by the way,” You abruptly said, turning to look at him. “I finished the book and the son did die.”

“Oh, yeah, I know. When we got back I wanted to find out what happened, so I finished reading it.”

Hearing that surprised you, and it also made you inwardly smile. “Really?”

“Mhm,” Steve nodded and then gave you a certain look. “You cried at the end, didn’t you?”

“Of course I did. I really didn’t think that he would die,” You answered. “And shut up, don’t judge me about it.” 

“I promise I wasn’t gonna.”

“I don’t know if I believe you.” 

“Scouts honor.”

“And now I’m supposed to believe you were a boy scout?” You joked. “You don’t seem outdoorsy enough for that.”

“Ouch, I feel offended.”

You laughed as you turned your attention back to the TV. You noticed that the show playing was the same one that you and him had been watching before the power outage; a night that felt like forever ago. 

This moment felt like the exact opposite of that one. You remembered how weird things initially felt then between you two, or maybe that awkwardness had been entirely in your head. Either way, the main thing that was different here was that in that previous moment, you’d been stuck with him because of the storm and power outage, and in this moment, you weren’t stuck.  

It was then that you were hit with the thought of, What the hell were you doing here right now?

You two weren’t even really friends, you remembered. You reminded yourself of what Steve said that night a few days ago and what you two both agreed on from the beginning— going your separate ways once all of this was done and over. 

Everything that had happened this past month was fake. And even though you’d been able to recognize that, you had still let a part of you miss it; let yourself miss something that you knew you’d never be able to get back. For the past few days, you thought it was okay to let the smallest part of you feel that way— miss the faking and the pretending and the brief friendship that developed because of all of that. But maybe it wasn’t okay. Maybe it was only making things worse and more complicated. 

“Actually, I should go,” You abruptly stood up from the couch, placing the pillow back in the spot you picked it up from. You turned to look at Steve and forced a small smile that you hoped didn’t look that way. “This isn’t following the ‘going our separate ways’  rule.” 

He gave you a confused look for a second, and then he was nodding in agreement. “Yeah, you’re right.” 

“I know I was kinda joking about it before, but I really am sorry about all of this,” You said as you walked over to his door, turning to look at him before pulling it open. 

He shook his head. “Don’t be.” 

You decided against saying anything else right then and instead smiled at him one final time before forcing yourself to leave.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

next part!

taglist (lmk if you want to be added or taken off<333); @eddiernunson , @loulouloueh , @the-aster , @blckburd , @totally-bogus-timelady , @yujyujj , @irhdifartzamfyaa , @mochminnie , @munsonssweets , @blckbrrybasket , @xprloki , @definitionwanderlust , @dwcode , @sun-fiower-seed , @keerysfolklore , @damon-loves-pie , @lodeddiperrodrick , @bisexual-and-intellectual , @munsonburn3r , @negomi123 , @khena , @facexthexsunshine , @seatbacksandtraytables , @suckerfordylansstuff

(if your user is crossed out it means i can’t tag you</3)

[9-1-1-8]

your timeline wrangling services are needed, the chat thinks the timeline for 8x17 doesn't make any sense.

...Honestly, it kind of doesn’t!

Edit: good point in the comments makes it make more sense. lol i was so tired when I wrote this.

I don’t necessarily keep track of how many days pass within each episode, but I do keep track of general timeline mentions, and from what I noticed:

The last time Eddie talked to Bobby was 2 weeks before Bobby died, about a deal on a slow cooker (8x17). That’s around April 3rd, the air date of 8x13. This is if we interpret Eddie’s statement as saying the text was sent 2 weeks before he looked at it again right after getting the news.

In 8x13, Eddie makes dinner in a slow cooker; I have to assume Eddie texted Bobby about that deal earlier the same day or the day before that scene in 8x13.

So 8x13 should be two weeks before 8x14–8x15.

The contagion arc of 8x14 and 8x15 take place all within a few hours. Bobby dies on April 17th, 2025, according to his funeral program in 8x16 (Apr 17th is the air date of 8x15; they’ve used air dates for deathdates before with Shannon dying in 2x17 aired on May 6th, 2019, matching her gravestone in 6x15).

8x16 begins “almost two weeks” after Bobby’s death, so it’s around the end of April.

In 8x16, Athena says “the funeral’s next Tuesday” — so that’s either Tuesday, April 29th or Tuesday, May 6th.

The day of the funeral, Eddie arrives in LA and Chimney says it’s been two weeks since Bobby died, implying it’s around May 1st (which is the 8x16 air date).

Possibly the best case for the funeral is if it’s actually Tuesday, April 29th, which is....not quite 2 weeks, it’s 12 days, and it means the episode really started 1 week and a few days after Bobby’s death, not really almost 2 weeks.

8x17 seems to start at least a few days after Eddie arrived in LA on Bobby’s funeral day, based on how Eddie talks by saying “the other day” and staying longer than planned.

(Unrelated, did Eddie book a one-way flight to LA for the funeral?? or cancel his return flight???)

Below is the funeral program I mentioned, it’s from the scene where Athena arrives to the funeral.

Bonus points if you can read Bobby’s illegible birthday, I can only read August ?? 196?. Peter Krause’s birthday is August 12th, 1965 which aligns with Bobby’s age of 52 in spring 2018 (1x10), but...it’s hard to read this. I wish 9-1-1 promotionals or crew shared photos of useful timeline props for once!

[acourtofthought]

I don't think Elain and Lucien are the reincarnation of Cthona and Solas but I do find it interesting how Sarah wrote Elain and Lucien's characters in books released from 2016 - 2018 then gave us the following in the Crescent City series which began releasing in 2020:

Cthona is an Earth Goddess and Elain is a gentle grower of things who believes the world needs more gardens.

Elain was the Archeron most connected to her humanity and she questions Amren about the form she chose and whether she could shift back. Sarah also said the Spring Court had been made for someone like Elain, with Elain's scent being a promise of spring and we know the power of the HL of Spring is shape shifting.

Cthona's mate is Solas, the Sun God.

Elain's mate is Lucien, a High Fae, an elemental who can control fire, the heir to a High Lord who has the power of the Sun and possible descendant of the Starborn Fae as Helions ancestors may have wielded the mask.

While I don't think Sarah intends for them to be a literal god or goddess, I think it's evident she's made them an important, powerful, and perfect match exactly as she did when later introducing Cthona and Solas to readers.

[moncuries]

not the same anon but a religion and sexuality class sounds absolutely fascinating! I also studied art history and philosophy so I totally get what you mean but I wish I'd done more gender/sexuality studies like that when I was still in uni

I still have the reading list if you're curious! here is a selection :P -- Basics: Foucault, Michel. The History of Sexuality, Volume I: An Introduction Tr. Robert Hurley (NY: Vintage Books, 1978 & 1980), pp. 3-13 & 53-73

On Purity/Danger: Douglas, Mary. “Secular Defilement,” & “The Abomination of Leviticus,” in Purity and Danger: An analysis of concept of pollution and taboo (London: Routledge, 1966, pp. 30-41; 51 – 58).

Pleasure: (re: Will in Aphasia) Bronski, Michael. “The Pleasure Principle,” in The Pleasure Principle: Sex, Backlash, and the Struggle for Gay Freedom (NY: St. Martin’s Press, 1998), 15-25.

Gender: *I really like Joy Ladin's work Ladin, Joy. “In The Image of God, God Created Them: Toward Trans Theology,” Journal of Feminist Studies in Religion, Vol. 34(1), Spring, 2018, pp. 53-58.

For fun: Boisvert, Donald, L. “The Temple of Priapus: Contemporary Phallus Worshippers in Montreal,” in Susan Palmer, Martin Geoffroyr, & Paul Gareau (Eds.), The Mystical Geography of Quebec: Catholic Schisms and New Religious Movements. (Palgrave: Macmillan, 2020, np)

Love: Allen, Peter Lewis. “Sex by Prescription: Lovesickness in the Middle Ages,” in The Wages of Sin: Sex and Disease, Past and Present (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2000), 1-24.

[o-rchidae]

Some of my headcanons about Daniel Molloy's career.

His early journalism work and first memoir are often compared to Hunter Thompson which he used to take as a compliment but now it pisses him off.

His first proper success was in music journalism in the mid 70s and he later published an anthology of his Rolling Stone articles. He keeps mentioning conversations with his 'boss' Andre but that makes no sense because he was working directly for Jann Wenner by that point.

On several occasions people have asked him to sign their copy of his book then presented him with a worn copy of Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain.

There is a picture of him vomiting on Bret Easton Ellis at the Paris Review Spring Revel in 1987. He wanted to use it as the cover for his second memoir in 2002 but Ellis refused to grant him the rights to his image and vetoed the title American Sicko.

In 2018 he released a podcast revisiting his previous investigative work with audio from his original interview tapes. The format is similar to Infamous with a touch of American Scandal. This is actually what attracts Louis' attention and leads him to contact him again. Armand also discovered it independently when it first started and listened to it on repeat for over a year. There is an episode on Robert Maxwell and the Mirror Group pension scandal. Armand takes great delight in listening to Daniel's theories about Maxwell's mysterious death knowing full well that he killed and drained the media mogul on his yacht after hunting him around the Canary Islands.

[calderacitylovers]

Zutara SlowBurn FanFiction: Personal Favs, part II

·        DESTINY IS A FUNNY THING by Megara Pike | Published: 2020-08-21 | 198K Words | 45 Chapters

ATLA Season 3 rewrite, fills in a lot of blanks between canon scenes. From the Southern Raiders to Sozin's Comet through coronation and aftermath. Growing friendships, bonding, being there for each other, a carnival & a cave, epic spirits' appearance on the Ember island, sparring, nightmares, assassination attempts, political ruses, and covert operations. Lovely, sweet. Exciting plot.

 ·        ATLA Book 4: Ashes by elayne_cypher | Published: 2018-10-27 | 306K words | 34 Chapters

This action-packed story picks up right after Ember Island Players and continues well after the war. Zuko is facing many challenges as a new Fire Lord. Romance, tough decisions, rebels, traitors, out-of-body experiences, secret headquarters, angst, teamwork, fire jets. The story has a bunch of OCs.

 ·        Refraction by caroes3725  | Published: 2020-09-09 | 215K Words | 37 Chapters

After breaking up with Aang, Katara needs to figure out her place and role in the patriarchal world. As determined Katara stubbornly bulldozes her way through Fire Nation political scene, her feelings for Zuko grow. Diplomatic visits, Gaang reunion, bonding with Kanna, insights into the life of Caldera city, stuffy politicians, cute correspondence, tropical storm, women supporting women, assassination attempts, personal boundaries. A sweet well-written coming-of-age story with a healthy measure of slow-burn and mutual pining. Katara and Zuko are both POVs, but the story mostly follows Katara. Bonus: Mai is NOT a clingy resentful idiot, but a smart person and a good friend. Some explicit language here and there, a bit of mild smut.

 ·        I Asked You First by halfhoursonearth | Published: 2020-10-03 | 142K words | 22/? Chapters

Ongoing, incomplete. Post Southern Raiders ATLAS3 rewrite. Mostly canon-compliant with blanks filled in between familiar scenes. Zuko and Katara develop a close friendship built on trust and sharing each other’s fears and hopes. Includes mentions of implied child abuse, Lu Ten’s diaries, exploring Avatar Roku’s legacy, sharing a balcony, heart-to-hearts, a hot spring under the stars, an actual date, and artbending. It’s incomplete, but what we have is bliss. Slowburn, mutual pining. Zutara-centric, but also explores the personalities of Team Avatar and their relationships.

 ·        Katara Alone by cablesscutie | Published: 2020-05-31 | 21K words

Katara is not an “unnecessary accessory to a more powerful man”. After the war, she is willing to forge her own path as she turns to people who need her the most on her journey of self-discovery. Features character exploration, correspondence, exploring outback villages of Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom, sweet reunions, and new firebending skills.

 ·        THE PHOENIX AND THE DRAGON - THE COMPLETE SERIES by JasmineTeaLatte | Published: 2021-06-11 | 100K words | 31 Chapters

This story picks up after The Ember Island Players. Zuko and Katara get to know each other during a late-night conversation by the campfire. In this story, you will find healthy boundaries, protective Sokka, a dash of Taang, sparring, funny banter & lots of flirting.

·        HESITATE by tiffaniesblews | Published: 2020-07-11 | 22K Words | 12 Chapters

This story picks up right after Zuko's coronation and spans two years afterwards. Zuko & Katara talk, share a few beautiful moments, write to each other, and reunite for the 2nd anniversary of the war ending. Very sweet, fluffy story about two sweethearts figuring out their feelings for each other.

·        LIKE WE'RE MADE OF STARLIGHT by Naladot | Published: 2021-11-28 | 5K Words

Katara leaves her post as the ambassador to the Fire Nation to take up a new one as the ambassador to the Northern Water Tribe. Her absence makes Zuko realize that he's got an unfortunate crush, which he is determined to keep secret. Unfortunately for him, subtly has never been one of his strengths—especially when he arrives in the Northern Water Tribe and she keeps taking him on what seem to be dates.

·        FIGURE IT OUT by clearascountryair | Published: 2021-12-20 | 35K words | 13 Chapters

After choosing not to kill Yon Rha, Katara rethinks her sense of self and others' perceptions of her. Or,    In which Katara learns that there’s a really big difference between being kissed when you don’t want to be and being kissed when you do. Aged-up 3B/Ember Island AU.

-  I FOUND YOU by that_turtleduck | Published: 2020-11-01 Completed: 2024-02-24 Words: 157,541 Chapters: 28/28

After divorcing Aang, Katara uproots her family and travels to Caldera. There she finds comfort, kindness and support from an old friend. Katara tries to find her footing as an independent political figure. Great story & relationship dynamic of Momtara & Dadko in their early 30s (Ember island, diplomatic meeting, dancing, turtleduck pond, letters). Delicious slow burn with rewarding spicy resolution in the end (explicit open door). Titters on the side of Anti-Aang.

Here’s a link to Part I of my personal favorites.

Here’s a link to Wholesome Zutara Short Stories.

[april-is]

April 8, 2025: What Is White?, Mary O'Neill

What Is White? Mary O'Neill

White is a dove And lily of the valley And a puddle of milk Spilled in an alley – A ship’s sail, A kite’s tail, A wedding veil Hailstones and Halibut bones And some people’s Telephones. The hottest and most blinding light Is white. And breath is white When you blow it out on a frosty night. White is the shining absence of all colour Then absence is white Out of touch Out of sight. White is marshmallow And vanilla ice cream And the part you can’t remember In a dream. White is the sound Of a light foot walking White is a pair of Whispers talking. White is the beautiful Broken lace Of snowflakes falling On your face. You can smell white In a country room Toward the end of May In the cherry bloom.

==

My then-6-year-old memorized the first part of this for the school winter recital this year, and if you think I loved hearing her roll "hailstones and halibut bones" around in her mouth like I'd incepted her to do, you would be right. Every day this month, she's volunteered to recite it to me, so I could send it to you. So here you go. With her compliments.

Today in: 

2024: As If to Demonstrate an Eclipse, Billy Collins  2023: Neither Time Nor Grief is a Flat Circle, Christina Olson 2022: Pippi Longstocking, Sandra Simonds 2021: Waking After the Surgery, Leila Chatti 2020: Gutbucket, Kevin Young 2019: Insomnia, Linda Pastan 2018: How Many Nights, Galway Kinnell 2017: The Little Book of Hand Shadows, Deborah Digges 2016: Now I Pray, Kathy Engel 2015: Why I’m Here, Jacqueline Berger 2014: Snow, Aldo, Kate DiCamillo 2013: from The Escape, Philip Levine 2012: Thirst, Mary Oliver 2011: Getting Away with It, Jack Gilbert 2010: *turning, Annie Guthrie 2009: I Don’t Fear Death, Sandra Beasley 2008: The Dover Bitch, Anthony Hecht 2007: Death Comes To Me Again, A Girl, Dorianne Laux 2006: Up Jumped Spring, Al Young 2005: Old Women in Eliot Poems, David Wright

[renaultmograine]

Blizzard co-founder Mike Morhaime left Blizzard because he was reportedly tired of fighting with former Activision CEO Bobby Kotick, according to those who worked closely with him, the two leaders having butted heads for years regarding the future of Blizzard.

New details about Morhaime's 2018 departure and Blizzard's contentious relationship with Activision come via an excerpt from Bloomberg reporter Jason Schreier's upcoming book Play Nice: The Rise, Fall, and Future of Blizzard Entertainment , which releases on October 8 (the same day Blizzard's first expansion for Diablo 4, Vessel of Hatred, launches).

For years, Morhaime attempted to keep Activision, which acquired Blizzard in 2007, at bay. That goal of keeping Blizzard insulated from outside Activision pressure became harder in 2013 when Blizzard canceled project Titan, an FPS MMO that had been intended to be the next World of Warcraft, according to Schreier.

After the project's cancellation, which cost Blizzard around $80 million, Kotick and Activision began to assert more control over Blizzard, including pushing Blizzard to hire a chief financial officer, Armin Zerza, to keep costs in check. Zerza just "kept talking about how to make as much money as possible," according to one former employee, and at one point suggested axing Blizzard's annual BlizzCon fan convention, confused as to why a project with such low profit margins was allowed to exist, according to Schreier's sources. Blizzard announced this year there would not be a BlizzCon 2024.

Morhaime continued to battle Kotick in the following years, defending Blizzard's need for customer service employees and the studio's cinematics team. Following a meeting of Activision, Blizzard, and King leaders focused around the theme of "One ABK," Morhaime feared Blizzard was losing its independence, according to Schreier. He wrote a lengthy email to Kotick in response, stating he believed "preserving Blizzard's culture and magic" was a necessity in order to attract and retain "the best creative talent in the world." He additionally said that it had been "increasingly hard for me to provide Blizzard leadership and staff confidence that Blizzard has a stable future."

In 2017, Morhaime submitted a resignation letter, but was persuaded at the time by Kotick and others to take it back. Following the One ABK meeting in the spring of 2018, Morhaime formally announced his departure that October, saying it was time for someone else to lead.

Blizzard's story would of course continue, but without the man that Schreier said many Blizzard staff worshiped. Morhaime went on in 2020 to found a new game studio and publisher, Dreamhaven. Blizzard, meanwhile, in 2021 found itself embroiled in controversy following an explosive state of California lawsuit that accused Activision Blizzard of systemic sexual misconduct and discrimination, eventually settling with the state in 2023 to the tune of $54 million. Morhaime said in a statement addressing the lawsuit that he was "ashamed."

"To the Blizzard women who experienced any of these things, I am extremely sorry that I failed you," Morhaime said.

In the wake of the lawsuit, Microsoft bought Activision Blizzard for $69 billion, with Kotick stepping down as Activision Blizzard CEO in December 2023.

[vixilic]

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 — my dr list !

ᝰ.ᐟ — lifestyle

ᯓ★ better cr (slight ver.)

ᯓ★ better cr (perm ver.)

ᯓ★ actress dr

ᯓ★ singer dr

ᯓ★ teenage dream

ᯓ★ tb to 2020

ᝰ.ᐟ — movies

ᯓ★ spiderverse

ᯓ★ big hero 6 (?)

ᯓ★ descendants (?)

ᝰ.ᐟ — books

ᯓ★ a good girl's guide to murder

ᯓ★ the inheritance games

ᯓ★ harry potter/hogwarts

ᝰ.ᐟ — shows

ᯓ★ alice in borderland

ᯓ★ ever after high

ᯓ★ true beauty

ᯓ★ never have i ever

ᯓ★ euphoria

ᝰ.ᐟ — anime

ᯓ★ my hero academia (student ver.) [w/ @coquettebratzdoll]

ᯓ★ my hero academia (teacher ver.)

ᯓ★ jujutsu kaisen (2018 ver.) [w/ @coquettebratzdoll]

ᯓ★ jujutsu kaisen (2006 ver.)

ᯓ★ blue lock

ᯓ★ haikyuu (school ver.)

ᯓ★ haikyuu (timeskip ver.)

ᯓ★ demon slayer

ᯓ★ attack on titan (college ver.)

ᯓ★ tokyo revengers

ᯓ★ toilet bound hanako kun

ᯓ★ blue spring ride

ᝰ.ᐟ — games

ᯓ★ danganronpa (non-despair ver.)

ᯓ★ danganronpa (hope's peak ver.)

ᯓ★ genshin impact

ᯓ★ honkai star rail

ᯓ★ obey me

ᝰ.ᐟ — waiting rooms

ᯓ★ clouds lol

ᯓ★ my life(s) on a screen

ᝰ.ᐟ — kpop

ᯓ★ starlight (own gg) [w/ @coquettebratzdoll]

ᯓ★ nct nexus (nct subunit) [w/ @coquettebratzdoll]

ᯓ★ cloudie (own gg)

ᯓ★ soloist

ᯓ★ enhypen [w/ @coquettebratzdoll]

ᯓ★ tomorrow x together

ᯓ★ stray kids

ᯓ★ zerobaseone

ᯓ★ riize (?)

ᯓ★ boynextdoor

divider by @/enchanthings

"(?)" next to drs im still considering lol

[supernovafics]

series masterlist | last part — next part

pairing: modern!college!steve harrington x fem!reader, bestfriend!eddie munson x fem!reader

word count: 3.4k words

warnings: explicit language, some angst

summary: time continues on and fake dating steve becomes easier and easier, but it’s hard to know if it’s completely working

CHAPTER NINE | ❝𝒊𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆'𝒔 𝒂 𝒏𝒆𝒙𝒕 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆❞

Spring Semester 2016

“Stop looking at me.” 

Eddie only smiled at you. “Sorry, sorry.”

You playfully rolled your eyes at him as you placed the book in your hand back in the same spot on the shelf that you grabbed it from. 

“Oh, also, you don’t have to stay. I can find another way to get back to the dorms,” You told him. “I know how boring this is for you.”

He shook his head. “No, I’m fine. I wanna stay.”

You were kind of surprised by his words because this moment felt like a happy accident, a fluke. It was rare that moments like these would happen anymore; where you two talked about nothing and did things as simple as hanging out in a bookstore. He was happy with Chrissy and most of his time had been spent with her lately. It sucked, but it did make sense to you. 

However, when you had randomly mentioned the bookstore that you wanted to go to that was a few towns over, he immediately said that he’d drive you. 

“They have a music section here too,” You said as you grabbed a different book off of the shelf because the title sounded interesting to you. “It’s small, but there’s old CDs and some vinyls and stuff. I’ll buy you something as compensation for driving thirty minutes to bring me here.”

“You don’t owe me anything, but I’ll never turn down a free vinyl,” Eddie told you and you smiled at that. 

You focused on the book in your hand, reading the short synopsis on the back of it and then looking at the front as you contemplated getting it or not. Ultimately, you put it back on the shelf. 

“I know exactly how weird this is probably gonna sound,” Eddie started and you turned your head to look at him. “But there’s something about how “into it” you get when you’re looking for stuff. It’s very endearing and cute.”

You weren’t sure what you had thought he was going to say, but it definitely wasn’t that. You had to look away from him then, turning your attention back to the packed bookshelf in front of you. 

Looking away made it a thousand times easier to pretend that his words didn’t make you feel any type of way, and it also made it easier to convince yourself that, at the end of the day, his words meant absolutely nothing. Because they couldn’t mean anything. 

He didn’t want to be with you, he wanted to be with Chrissy. And months ago, you had forced yourself to believe that that wasn’t a bitter pill to swallow. 

There was no room for pining. There was only room for pretending. 

Pretending that everything was fine. Pretending that you didn’t like him. Pretending that you hadn’t been so fucking close to admitting that to him at one point. 

You playfully laughed at his previous words and shook your head and hoped that none of it seemed forced. “Yes, that’s very weird, but thank you, I guess? Also, I really doubt that’s true.” You grabbed a random book that caught your eye on the shelf, wanting to change the subject as quickly as you could. “I think I'm just gonna settle on this one for now. Let's go check out the music stuff.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

Spring Semester 2018

You wondered what things looked like from an outsider's perspective. How close you and Steve were sitting at this table in the library; chairs practically pushed as close as they could be and his hand holding yours like it truly wouldn’t rather be anywhere else. 

It wasn’t that intense, you’d seen worse PDA moments in high school, but it still felt like a lot— in a good way. If you were a random person walking past you and Steve at that moment, you’d believe that you two were obsessed with each other— which was a good thing. It meant that this was working. 

Ultimately, though, you figured that it really didn’t matter what others thought, it just mattered what Eddie thought. And, in your eyes, it was hard to tell what he was thinking in this moment. Aside from you and Steve being practically attached at the hip, everything else was perfectly normal right then. 

Steve was reading something on his laptop and you were in the middle of a conversation with Eddie, who was sitting across from you two.  

It had been a last-second thing, you joining in on their study session for the Business class they had together. At first, you were working on your own stuff as they actually studied, and then the band conversation abruptly started when Eddie mentioned that Corroded Coffin had a gig at a different place on Sunday; a slightly bigger bar than Aces. 

“You have to play the new song that you guys have been working on,” You told him. “The video you showed me of you guys playing it when you were rehearsing was really good.”

“You think?”

“Yeah, of course,” You nodded. “I love you guys, but I cannot support you adding another cover to the set.” 

He smiled at you. “You used to be the biggest supporter of our covers.”

“That was back when I suggested the best one ever for you guys to do, and it became the biggest hit among the crowd,” You said, smiling back at him.

“I was so honestly so surprised that people loved it so much.” 

You shook your head. “You shouldn’t have been. It made a lot of sense.” 

“What song was it?” Steve asked. 

“Britney Spears. Baby One More Time. The way that they would do it was so good. Insanely good, actually,” You answered, looking at Steve and he nodded. “I have some videos I can show you later since they don’t play it anymore.” You then looked back at Eddie. “Sadly.” 

He laughed a bit at the overdramatic sigh you let out. “It started becoming way too overplayed.” 

“I guess that's true, but I think it might be time to bring it back.” 

“I thought you just said no more adding covers to the set.” 

“Shit, oh yeah, just play the new song at your gig on Sunday,” You responded and then smiled again. “And then we can talk about bringing Britney back later.”

He playfully rolled his eyes at you but still nodded. “Got it.” He then checked the time on his phone. “I need to head to class. Steve, you wanna study again on Monday?”

Steve nodded. “Yeah, Monday’s good.” 

“Are you coming to reality TV night tonight?” You asked Eddie as he started putting his stuff in his bag, referring to the usual Friday night tradition at your apartment.

“I have band stuff with the guys, but I can maybe come around midnight,” He answered and you nodded at that. “Have you guys already decided on a show?”

“No, but Talia’s campaigning hard for this one about a Mormon family and we’re all trying to find something else because none of us want to watch that.”

Eddie let out a laugh as he nodded. “Makes sense.” He stood up from the table then. “I’ll see you guys later.”

He walked away and once he turned the corner you and Steve finally pulled away from each other; you didn’t immediately move your chairs apart, but his hand dropped from yours. 

“That invitation is open to you too, y’know. If you wanna come over tonight,” You told Steve before you could think better of it. And then once your brain caught up with your mouth, you were shrugging and shaking your head at yourself. “But, um, I guess that wouldn’t really make sense… Since Eddie’s not gonna be there for most of it.”

“Yeah,” Steve said simply, and it felt like there was more to that “yeah,” but you couldn’t tell what. “This is kinda getting confusing now, though.” He leaned back against his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t get why he hasn’t said anything to you yet. It seems obvious that he likes you, or at least, feels something…. He was the one who wanted to tell you to come here when he randomly realized what time your class ended.”

“Really? I thought it was you that suggested that,” You said, thinking back to the text you got from Steve minutes after you left your English class that focused on British authors from the 1800s. 

Steve shook his head. “No, that was him. If I actually knew your schedule, I probably would’ve. But, anyway, it doesn’t make sense to me why he hasn’t admitted anything to you yet.”

You considered his words for a second and then the logical side of your brain was coming up with an answer. “Maybe there’s nothing to admit?” 

“I doubt that. If I was actually your boyfriend, I probably would’ve gotten jealous about how he was looking at you this entire past hour.”

You let Steve’s words sit in the air between you two for a moment. It had only been about two weeks since you shook hands and this fake dating thing started. And, in your eyes, aside from a few small select moments that you still couldn’t figure out if they even meant something or not, everything seemed exactly the same between you and Eddie. 

You wished that you could’ve looked at things from an outside perspective, mainly just from Steve’s perspective, because everything he was saying to you right then sounded way too good to be true. 

“It feels so weird hearing this,” You admitted with a shake of your head. 

Steve looked at you, confused. “Why? Isn’t this what you want?”

“Yes, but,” You trailed off for a second and sighed. “I’ve just spent so long convincing myself that the little things mean nothing, and I’ve also just been so wrong about so many things when it’s come to him before. So now that it’s being validated that I’m probably not just looking too much into things, it’s pretty weird.”

“You should stop doing that.”

Your eyebrows furrowed at his words. “What?”

“Second-guessing things. Overthinking.”

Hearing him say that, in such a simple way too, made you laugh. “Oh, Steven, you make that sound so easy. I wish it was.”

“This is gonna work for you.” He sounded so certain about it and you wanted to know why, and you also wanted to know why you weren’t certain. 

Actually, you knew exactly why there was a part of you that still felt hesitant about everything; even though, as the days passed, you were getting more and more used to this game of pretend that you and Steve were playing. It was for “just in case” purposes— just in case all of what you two were doing truly did turn out to be for nothing. If you didn’t let yourself feel a thousand percent certain about it, it wouldn't hurt too much when you were maybe let down in the end.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

Luckily enough, you didn’t have to watch the Mormon family show that Talia suggested. Instead, Robin found a singing competition show that sounded a lot more interesting, and you all happily settled on that— even Talia was okay with it.

You were sitting on the small loveseat, a blanket settled across your lap, and everyone else was on the couch. There was a blonde guy in his mid-twenties singing a surprisingly good rendition of Vienna by Billy Joel when your phone vibrated a couple times in your lap. You grabbed it, instinctively expecting something from Eddie, but instead it was two messages from Steve.

Steve: Are daisies actually your favorite flowers?

Steve: And are sour gummy worms your favorite candy?

You: This is very random but yes to both

You: Are you that good of a guesser or am I just that easy to read? Also, why does knowing either of those things matter?

Steve: Since valentine’s day is coming up I texted Eddie and asked him what your favorites were (to help with maybe making him jealous or something). And I just wanted to confirm with you that he was right 

There was something about that that made you smile. That Eddie knew those little things about you— that felt like it meant something. You didn’t remember ever outwardly telling him either of those things, but maybe in nearly three years of friendship, it came up once or twice at some point.  

Your sudden smile was something that didn’t go unnoticed by your friends. 

“Oh, you’re definitely texting Steve right now,” You heard Robin say and you looked up at where she was sitting in between Vickie and Talia on the couch. “Look at that fucking smile.” 

You rolled your eyes. “Shut up.”

“No, it’s okay. We understand that your priorities lie with your boyfriend now,” Vickie joked, playfully smiling at you.  

“That’s not true,” You responded, placing your phone in your lap. “My priorities truly lie with you guys and watching this singing show right now.”

“Honestly, it’s cute how into each other you guys are,” Talia said as she grabbed a handful of popcorn that was in a bowl on the coffee table. “Maybe I should have Eddie set me up on a blind date too if it’s gonna work out this well.”

Robin looked at her. “You’ll actually go against your ‘not being tied down during your Senior year’ rule?”

“Oh, yeah, actually, never mind,” She responded and then looked at you. “I’ll let you continue to be the only disgustingly in love one.”

You immediately shook your head at her words. “It’s only been two weeks. I’m not in love with him.” 

It felt almost comedic how they all collectively gave you the most deadpan looks, and you almost laughed at how perfectly timed it all seemed, but you rolled your eyes again instead. 

Barely ten minutes later, right as an episode ended and the opening sequence of the next one started, you went into your room to head to your bathroom and you thought about Steve’s text again. You pulled your phone out of the pocket of the sweatpants you were wearing.

You: You don’t have to actually get me anything

Steve: I may be a fake boyfriend but I like being a good fake one 

You: Okay, in that case, thank you

Steve: How’s the Mormon show you guys are watching?

You: We were successfully able to get out of watching that and we’re instead watching a singing competition show

Steve: How’s that? 

You: Equal parts entertaining and devastating. This thirteen-year-old got kicked off for accidentally singing the wrong lyrics to the Ariana Grande song she was doing and she cried 

Steve: Ouch

You simply stared at your phone for a second and then you were typing and not thinking too much about what you were about to say. 

You: You really could’ve come tonight if you wanted to. I don’t know why I said it would be dumb

There was really no need to bring it up, you knew that, but for reasons that you couldn’t fully decipher right then, you wanted to do it anyway. 

Steve: It’s okay. Next time

You: Yeah, next time 

It felt like perfect timing when you heard Robin say, “Stop hiding and texting Steve and get back out here.” And then you heard Vickie immediately follow up with, “Yes, Melissa, the thirteen-year-old, is about to have a redemption arc!”

“I’ll be there in a sec,” You said, making your voice loud enough for them to hear you. You left your phone on your desk as you finally headed to the bathroom, and then didn’t grab it when you were leaving your room. 

“How’s Melissa doing?” You asked as you sat back down, pulling the blanket over your lap again. 

“She’s about to sing against Jeremy to hopefully get her place back on the blue team,” Vickie quickly explained. 

“Okay, got it,” You nodded. “Is it bad that I’m kind of rooting for Jeremy? His growth these past few episodes have just been so nice to see.”

“That’s so true. I hope he stays,” Talia agreed. 

“No, no, no. Melissa needs to make a comeback. She shouldn’t have gotten eliminated in the first place,” Robin said. “Also, random but you could’ve told Steve to come tonight.”

“He was, um, busy tonight, but he said he’ll come next time.” 

She nodded. “As the newcomer, I guess it would only be fair if he chose the show.” 

You laughed a bit. “Okay, I’ll tell him that.”

“And make sure he knows that we only like fun stuff; dating shows or random competition shit. Nothing serious,” Vickie added. 

“I still really think that we would’ve had a fun time watching the Mormon show,” Talia said.

Before any of you could tell her that that probably would not have happened, there was a knock on the front door. You all immediately knew that it was Eddie because it was the usual three quick knocks that he would always do. 

You got up to open it, since everyone else looked way too settled in their positions on the couch, and smiled when you saw him. “Hey.”

“Hey, what show did you guys decide on?” Eddie asked as he walked in and you closed the door behind him.

“It’s this singing thing,” You quickly explained. “And you came just in time because we’re about to find out if Melissa gets to go back on the blue team or if Jeremy gets to keep his spot.” 

“I have no idea what that means, but okay.” 

You settled back on the small loveseat and Eddie sat in front of you on the floor, leaning back against your chair.

You eventually joined him on the floor, sharing your blanket with him, because you usually always sat on the floor with him during nights like these. 

“No Steve tonight?” He whispered to you during a particularly heated part of an episode that he knew he would’ve gotten collectively yelled at by Vickie, Talia, and Robin if he spoke louder. 

“Not tonight,” You whispered back. 

He nodded at that. “Okay.”

It was a simple one-word response, but it felt like it meant a lot more than what it said. And this time you found yourself actually wanting to question it in the moment. 

“Why’d you ask?” You asked, looking at him and still keeping your voice low. 

He only shrugged at first. “I was just wondering.” 

“Okay,” You responded, turning away then and focusing back on the TV. 

The current episode was pretty much at the end and you laughed at the excited yelp Robin let out when her favorite person won the elimination round.

“How are things going with you and him?” You heard Eddie ask, another whispered question right at your ear. 

It was such a normal question and you knew that it could mean nothing aside from a friend wondering something about another friend, but it surprisingly didn’t feel as clear cut as that. Maybe it was because of everything that Steve had told you earlier; him giving you hope that you weren’t entirely sure if you should have or not. However, suddenly, it was this question that made you actually want to believe in this fake dating thing a thousand percent. 

“Really good,” You answered, and then decided to lean heavily into playing everything up; for no other reason except you wanted to try as hard as you could to make this work. “Really, really good, actually. I can’t remember the last time I felt this way about someone. And yes, I know exactly how stupidly and disgustingly cheesy that sounds.”

In the smallest way, it almost felt funny because you remembered exactly the last time you felt “that way” about someone; and that someone was sitting right next to you. 

Eddie gave you a smile, and it was hard not to wonder if he was faking it like you had done a bunch of times before. “That’s good.”

You smiled back at him before once again looking at the TV. It was hard to focus on the new episode that was playing now, though, because all you could think about was Steve’s words from earlier. 

“This is gonna work for you.”

You had inwardly questioned his certainty and hopefulness, and you found it hard to wholeheartedly believe him— honestly, during these entire past two weeks it had been kind of hard to trust in how much he believed that this fake dating thing would work. But now, after what happened earlier— according to Steve and his jealous comment— and what happened just now on your apartment floor, you finally felt comfortable saying that you really believed in it too. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

next part!

taglist (lmk if you want to be added or taken off<333); @eddiernunson , @loulouloueh , @the-aster , @blckburd , @totally-bogus-timelady , @yujyujj , @irhdifartzamfyaa , @mochminnie , @munsonssweets , @blckbrrybasket , @xprloki , @definitionwanderlust , @dwcode , @sun-fiower-seed , @keerysfolklore , @damon-loves-pie , @lodeddiperrodrick , @munsonburn3r

[sgiandubh]

What happened with Barbour ?

Dear Barbour Anon,

My favorite kind of Anon, even if I know the question has recently been asked again and not in this corner. Never mind, I think it's time to talk about it, too.

I bought my first Barbour (entry-level, so olive) Bedale wax jacket 25 years ago, from their (long gone, now) shop on Boulevard Raspail, in Paris. It was a mandatory clothing item to own if you wanted to properly mingle with the law school crowd (it still is) and it ended up being one of my most prized possessions, possibly a part of me. I still have it somewhere, back home. Two more followed, along with a fetishist array of shirts, scarves, beanies and even one of those sturdy crossbody bags you can fit half a house in. So you can imagine my absolute thrill when I found out, very very late, that S had had a rather substantial collaboration with them, from 2016 and until 2019.

I am very bad with timelines, as you probably know and possibly even cackle about, but still: S was appointed as the company's first ever Global Brand Ambassador on July 16, 2016. His mission statement was very precisely defined by the brand and for some reason we'll analyze a bit later, this is important:

(Source, heh: https://www.astonbourne.co.uk/is-barbour-a-luxury-brand-unraveling-the-mystique-of-classic-outerwear/).

A shirt and vest signature collection followed in 2017 and 2018, with the contract being renewed. Advertisement was absolutely gorgeous and designed to shape a very positive image, both for S and the brand. Last autumn's SS Gin promo retained some of that irresistible aesthetic DNA and I discussed it at length.

See for yourself, Anon. The fandom endlessly discussed the first long clip (with the chocolate labrador), but I have no idea if these two have been seen, let alone debated. If they did, let that be my nostalgic mistake.

Spring/Summer 2018:

Fall 2018:

And then disaster stroke, with S's trip to Ha-wa-wee 1.0, in the spring of 2019. A short reel, featuring a rather agglomerated boat trip, was posted on socials. Unfortunately for S, it also featured an allegedly horrifying scene involving the 'traditional' bludgeoning to death of a tuna fish. Emotions ensued and as it often happens here, they spun out of control. Many people, including some of the most vocal S haters, tagged Barbour in their diatribes, filled with environmentalist indignation. They suggested this guy (who did not participate to the savagery and I would be even unsure he realized what was going on) was, by no reasonable means, a proper 'embodiment of the brand's identity, values and aspirations' (remember that mission statement?).

Tone deaf as ever in the midst of a serious PR crisis, S put friendship above anything else, and publicly praised the boat's owner, calling him 'the heart and soul of the island', if I remember well. I still would like to think he has no idea what the hell exactly happened. And then, when somebody finally (August 2019) asked Barbour on Insta about their collaboration with S, they got this politely dry, but clear answer:

"We don't have any plans for a collaboration with SH in the near future" means, in my book and to my understanding, "we are never going to work with this guy again". Truly, some people in here who dare to give morality lessons to others, should be proud of themselves: they did it knowingly and in a very organized way, using multiple sock accounts, to give the impression of a collective retching reflex. To cut the story short, the dread of any ad campaign on this planet.

The effort was genuine. The result of that collaboration was very good. Take, for example, this somewhat heartbreaking customer review by an American guy who has no idea who SRH is and who bought one of those jackets from a Barbour factory warehouse, in 2021, with a hefty rebate (70% off). Clearly something Barbour wanted to get rid of at all costs - what a pity and really what a SHAME on all those hypocrites who will never admit to a public assassination by the book:

This time, I am absolutely not sorry for the length, Anon. This is something that still makes me boil. Unfairness and cheap nastiness simply disgust me.

(Thank you, sweetheart, for the screenshot, always. You know who you are 😘😘😘).

[acourtofthought]

Credit goes to @acourtdelaluna as she was the one to draw this conclusion. I just loved it so much I asked if I could create a post!

Sarah J Maas 2024: ""Azriel is someone I'm going to be exploring more."

Sarah J Maas 2021: "Because I know this is where I wanted things to go, it allowed me to plant things for Nesta's journey and even Elain's journey early on."

Sarah J Maas 2018: "When spring came, I was heavily pregnant - so I was really nesting - and we realized that the garden beds were pretty overgrown with ivy. There was literally ivy everywhere: in the garden beds, wrapped around the trees, crawling up the sides of the house. So I went into this obsessive, I-need-to-rip-out-every-last-strand-of-ivy-before-I-have-this-baby mode. And I remember the entire time I was ripping out the ivy, and trying to get some semblance of order into the garden beds, I just slipped into Elain's head. Elain is a gardener, and everything I did during those weeks became research for her book. I'm not even joking, Elain's now going to have dreams about ripping ivy out and the ivy creeping in through the windows to strangle her at night, because let me tell you, that ivy does not want to let go"

In 2021 (after the release of SF) Sarah did mention being excited to write Az's journey but never once mentioned laying crumbs for him in ACOMAF, ACOWAR, or even the novella, never once mentioned that she knew early on where she wanted his character to go. If we look back on the trilogy and the novella, we also don't find that Sarah set him up for anything plot related whereas we saw Cassian's desire to train Nesta in ACOWAR, his visit to Ramiel and meeting Emerie in ACOFAS, his desire to see female Illyrian's training. Instead she's spoken of Az's journey as if it's a more recent development since SF and the crossover and that makes sense when Az's plots finally seem to be established as of HOFAS (time travel related things / his connection to TT and Enalius).

If E/riel was always endgame then why would Sarah suddenly talk of exploring Azriel's character ONLY with the release of SF and HOFAS? To state in 2024 that Az will be someone she'll explore more in the future? If E/riel was endgame, shouldn't she have already explored his character alongside Elain's? Already been excited back in 2016 / 2017 for where she was going with him? She's clearly got no issues discussing that she'll be focusing on him at some point so why did she never bring his journey up before the release of SF?

One could argue that Sarah didn't often speak about Cassian's future journey but we still saw the direction she was taking him in the novella, we already knew he had feelings for Nesta in ACOMAF and ACOWAR when he was trying to reach his hand out to her while she was in the Cauldron, where Feyre noted him looking at Nesta with longing. Compare that to how Sarah wrote Az holding Mor's hand and snarling at the King over Mor in ACOMAF? Compare that to how Sarah wrote Az still looking at Mor with heat and yearning in the novella? She didn't need to mention Cassian's journey when it was clear that his journey would be wherever Nesta was and she had already spoken about Nesta and Cassian as a thing in multiple interviews. But Sarah spoke of Elain's journey and then Az's journey. Meaning two separate journey's and she did not speak of their love interests (i.e., Lucien / Gwyn) in the same way she spoke of Nesta's journey but did not often speak directly of Cassian's journey (outside of the Twitter interview / vacation interview where Elain and Lucien were also mentioned).

Sarah doesn't only explore a characters future journey in their book, evidenced by the fact that she herself stated she planted hints for Nesta and Elain's journeys early on (so 2016 / 2017) yet neither sister had a POV at that point. If she knows the direction they're headed she lays those crumbs out well before then especially when it involves their love interest. If Az was always meant to be Elain's endgame then why wouldn't Sarah have explored his character alongside Elain's as she planted the seeds for Elain's journey? Why not lay out clues on how Az's journey will mirror that of Elain's the way she did Elain and Lucien in ACOWAR (Elain was the one with the visions of Vassa and Koschei and Sarah wrote Lucien as the one to go after Vassa, becoming friends with her and meeting Elain's father. Sarah doubled down on the Elucien parallels in SF what with Lucien being permanently stationed in Spring, with the Spring Court continuing to fall apart though the readers is reminded that the NC needs the Spring Courts army back in shape and with Nesta then thinking how the Spring Court had been made for someone like Elain). Why is she suddenly eager about Az's journey, talking about Az's journey only now if it's something she always knew about?

Also, there are no parallels in plot for Elain and Az even now, even after she talked about being excited for Az's journey. If Sarah always knew Az and Elain were going to end up together then why not explore his character in more detail back in ACOWAR? Why not connect Elain and Az's future plots back then? Why give Elain and Lucien the complimentary characteristics of being happiest in nature, her needing sunshine and revealing him as the heir to Day Court? Sorry, that became very long winded and rambling. To sum it all up, it's telling that Sarah is only now speaking excitedly about Az's future journey which seems to suggest she finally realized where she'll be going with his character. Compare that to how she knew early on where she wanted Elain's character to go and I think it's a sure sign that Az's journey and Elain's journey were never one in the same.