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mourntheantagonist · 3 years

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#HarringroveApril Day 7: Daisychain

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“Mr. Harrington? Who’s your favorite student?”

The question came about at least once every year without fail, and he’d always answer in the same, textbook way.

“I don’t have favorites. I love all my kids equally.”

And, deservedly so, the whole class would grunt and moan because they knew just as well as he did that it was a load of bullshit. Steve loved every one of his kids, that part wasn’t a lie, but… he also definitely had his favorites.

For the graduating class of ‘90 when he was only a teaching assistant his name was Daniel. He was the youngest in his class because he started early, and he was incredibly bright. He could count higher, he could read quicker, and his mind just worked in ways that no adult could possibly understand. But it wasn’t the textbook intelligence that made Steve fall for this kid. It was his emotional intelligence. He was funny and he was kind and five year olds were cruel, but he never let that get to him. He had an outlook on life that Steve was jealous of, so when the other kids would turn him down for a game of checkers, Steve would happily join him, because Steve saw it as his job to keep that kid kind.

For the class of ‘91 it was Christopher. He was nothing like Daniel. He was held back and was repeating kindergarten, and that was evident in the way he walked through life. He was quiet and would voluntarily remove himself from the rest of the class. He’d sit by himself and read a book and get frustrated when he didn’t understand one of the words, he would swing by himself and he always tried to sneak off with the first graders when it was time to line up. And Steve perfectly resonated with that feeling of watching all of your friends move on without you. He was left in the dust too. When all his classmates moved on to college or hightailed it out of Hawkins, Steve was left there by himself, working at Family Video with his only friend in the grade below him, and it took her leaving him as well for Steve to finally get his shit together, haul his ass west of the Mississippi, and enroll in a community college and work towards his teaching degree.

And he did it, against all odds and obstacles in his way, he did it. It took extra work and the support of his best friend who he followed, and he did it. He saw himself in Christopher, and he wasn’t going to make that kid wait as long as he did to realize that setbacks don’t define his future.

Steve usually took a liking to the quiet kids, and that only changed in ‘93 with the girl named Amy and the familiar last name. She was loud, vibrant, and everyone loved her. Her smile was contagious and she could be the sweetest little girl at times, but she also wore her heart on her sleeve. She cried quite a bit, just the littlest thing could set her off. A boy accidentally knocking over her blocks, not knowing how to spell a certain word, accidentally coloring outside the lines. She didn’t throw tantrums like he saw in the other kids. She would just bow her head and cry and it would break Steve’s heart every time.

But other than those few moments, she was bright and charismatic and with the last name, the blonde curly hair, and the big personality, Steve really should have put it all together much sooner than he did.

He didn’t put it all together until he saw Billy Hargrove in the soup aisle at the local grocery store wearing a chain of little daisies on his head like a crown, and he knew exactly where it was from.

It was from the little girl named Amy Hargrove who frolicked in the field instead of playing on the playground, collecting flowers that she meticulously made into bracelets and crowns and anything else she put her mind to. She gave them to friends, she even gave one to Steve, and of course she would give one to her dad too.

He looked so different, and yet exactly the same. He still had the damn mullet, just dragging the eighties with him as far as he could, he was a little more cleaned up but still had a similar style to what it was in highschool. Still with the same denim jacket, denim jeans, Canadian tuxedo type deal. In a side by side picture situation you wouldn’t really be able to tell the difference. It wasn’t his dress or his hair or anything physical about him that made him look so different, it was the way that he carried himself. It was the relaxation and the eyes that didn’t droop and the smile lines that didn’t used to be there that made him almost entirely unrecognizable from the Billy Hargrove who pushed freshman against lockers and drove his car too loud and too fast and had cigarettes for three meals a day. Not the kid who ran off to California as soon as the hospital released him with only his Camaro and a small suitcase and a large sum of money the government used to keep his mouth shut, leaving just a note for Max on the fridge that didn’t get any more specific than that about where he was going, not even leaving a phone number for her to contact him with. He also didn’t look like the kid they all pictured in their heads after basically the whole town found out about exactly what Neil Hargrove did to his son behind closed doors.

Steve wanted to go up to him in the store, but he stopped himself. Because Billy left. Without a trace or a word, and who was Steve to think that Billy having to be reminded of something he voluntarily abandoned without a second thought would have any sort of positive outcome?

So he turned down the aisle and kept his distance from the man in the flower crown because he was scared. He wasn’t scared that Billy would see him and turn back to his old ways and hurt him again, he was scared that he’d turn back to his old ways and hurt himself again.

Because he’d been hurt enough already.

Steve successfully avoided Billy until parent teacher conferences had rolled around, and instead of seeing Amy’s mom on the list of names he’d be seeing that day, it was Billy’s.

Steve would be lying if he didn’t think about calling in sick and sending his TA in his place. But he still had to be her teacher for another six months, he just had to get the interaction over with.

Many of the parents that came before Billy had to have known he was on edge about something considering he excessively tapped the table with the eraser of his pencil and stuttered his way through conversations. His organized folders and notes of talking points had been entirely thrown out the window and he was an absolute nervous wreck. And he could only anticipate it being ten times worse when the cause of said anxiety walked through his door with the long hair and the leather jacket. It was only with the help of the little girl in the sunflower dress and daisies in her hair skipping from the entrance to the chair in front of him that calmed his nerves just a bit.

But Billy had just stayed at the door, no movement, and any hope that Steve had that perhaps his new haircut and the glasses on his face would be enough to keep Billy from noticing the obvious vanished when Billy snapped his fingers like the lightbulb in his head finally flickered on.

“I knew it couldn’t be a coincidence.”

Steve just held out his hand to shake like he did with any other parent, unsure how to gage the situation because Billy’s words could go either way and his facial expressions didn’t give him anything to go off of. It would be weird to introduce himself, he didn’t know what to say.

“Hi, I’m Amy’s teacher. Should we start?”

Billy looked a little confused, but he sat down in the little kindergartener chairs anyway. This meeting was almost more organized than the ones prior, likely because he was trying to go as quickly as possible and get it over with. Steve showed Billy some of her artwork and commented on how her reading comprehension was great but she could work on her spelling a little more. He didn’t want to bring it up, but he brought up the crying and it hurt to see how him bringing it up set her off again. The same bowing of the head and quiet sniffles into her sleeve.

But Steve thinks he just fell in love a little watching Billy comfort her. With one hand rubbing circles into her back and the other holding her small hand. Steve feels like shit watching her cry because of him and is also semi-fearful for his life because he already knows he can’t take Billy in a fight.

“Baby, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with crying. It’s okay.”

“You’re dad’s right Amy. I think it’s very healthy. Crying is good for you.”

She looks up at Steve with those big blue eyes and tear stained cheeks when he says that.

“Really?” she asks.

“Yeah! I’d say it even makes you more mature. Even some adults I know don’t let themselves cry and it’s not good.”

“My daddy cries a lot too.”

Steve looks at Billy who’s eyes widen when she says it, then tries to laugh it off like she didn’t just say that.

“Hey Amy, you wanna go and play while your daddy and I talk for a minute?”

She just nods her head and wipes away her remaining tears and quickly hauls the bucket of Lincoln Logs off the shelf.

“So. It’s been a while. Hasn’t it?” Steve starts.

“Yeah it has. So, you’re a teacher now.”

“And you’re a father. That’s crazy.” Steve was fiddling with his hands, trying to make the conversation less awkward. “She’s wonderful by the way.”

“Yeah. She doesn’t get it from me.”

Steve just shakes his head. “No. I don’t think that’s true. She has your charisma, and it appears you found a better way of channeling your emotions since last we saw each other. She’s a lot like you.”

“Thanks.” Billy blushed. He actually blushed. “I don’t know if this is allowed considering you’re her teacher, but would you want to catch up sometime? Maybe dinner or something?”

There it was. That was the olive branch. And Steve would be an absolute fool not to take it.

“I’d love to.”

Before they could come up with a time or a place, Amy was running over to the table with loudly stomping feet.

“I almost forgot! Daddy! show Mr. Harrington what I brought him!”

Billy reached into his pocket upon her demand and pulled out a little bracelet made out of little daisies and honeysuckle and handed it over to Steve.

“Thank you Amy! It’s lovely.”

“Daddy show him yours!”

Steve looked to Billy’s wrist where he slowly lifted his sleeve to reveal an almost exact replica to the bracelet in his hand.

“Looks like we’re matching.”

#harringrove #stranger things #billy hargrove #steve harrington #mandi writes tresh #ficlet #harringroveapril #this one will probably get a part 2 but who knows #it got too long and I ran out of time !!

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absolxguardian · 3 years

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Actually some thoughts of my on young children (like lacking full reading comprehension) and digital video consumption. First, actually talking and reading to your kid is very important for language acquisition. Read them bedtime stories even when you don’t think they actually understand what you’re telling them. In-person bonding and bonding with their caretakers is very important. Videos/TV helps with language acquisition because it’s more content, but it’s only supplementary. It’s also not a replacement for socialization. Educational children TV also teaches lessons and perspectives many parents would never think of or be able to teach.

Secondly, as a kid who spent a lot of time watching TV and was an absolute gremlin in public following my mom on errands because I was bored and sensory overstimulated- I do think it’s okay for kids to watch a videos on a family tablet or what not a lot. The main problem is what they’re watching. I’m talking about up to 1st grade. These kids can barely read, if I at. You don’t want to give them unrestricted access to any kind of device, ignoring the fucking mess that trying to have the internet regulate what’s appropriate for young children for you. The main reason the family computer ended up with parental controls is because my younger brother deleted all the photos unknowingly, not because of anything on the internet.

When I did watch TV for hours a day, especially when I was kindergarten aged and younger it was almost entirely PBS Kids. I wasn’t allowed to change the channel, because who knows what would be on the other channels. I’d have to ask my parents to change the channel if I wanted to watch Nick Jr or Disney Junior. And they’d often set it back to PBS Kids when I was asleep or at preschool. I ended up more advanced than my kindergarten peers in areas like the existence of negative numbers or how to spell “tree”.

The thing is, no kind of Youtube slime or toy unboxing content can replace educational children’s TV programming. That’s the only thing young children should be watching unsupervised in large doses. So I think what needs to happen is that public television like PBS Kids and other countries equivalents need more funding. There’s a dedicated PBS Kids app, and any TV/streaming stations that want to make geared towards young kids channels need to do the same. The kid can be told that the only apps they can use on the family tablet alone are those. The videos can be hosted somewhere like Youtube, propriety video players are generally not great, but they’re all embedded on the app. Kids won’t be watching an episode of Arthur and have a content farm video come up next in autoplay, it’ll be another episode of Arthur. Another possible feature to replicate the patience taught by traditional TV vs modern VOD (because young kids aren’t going to care about watching episodes in order) are livestreams of these channels. Cable is going out of fashion, and even TVs for lower income families. And this is for parents, instead of quieting children’s tantrums by handing them the family tablet while you’re shopping- even if you have clearly laid out rules of what they can do on it. Teach them to ask you for it. If you’re dragging them along on an errand because they understandably can’t be left home alone, explain why they can’t at the moment.

#children and technology

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shadowsfascination · 4 years

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Shadamy Swordland | Ch 2 | Sacred Arts

“I’m going to remove my hand from your mouth on the count of three, but you’re not to make a sound! We wouldn’t want to draw any attention to us, now do we, lass?”” The stranger now held a dagger dangerously close to her throat. Amy felt the cold steel against her skin and didn’t dare exhale too deep, terrified it’d cut into her flesh. Unable to nod in agreement, she could only widen her eyes in good hopes the other understood. “One… Two… Three.” She felt the gloved fingers slide away from her now dry mouth. Automatically she gasped and panicked, the sharp lines of the dagger pressing into her throat with every shallow breath. “Good girl. Now, let’s have a chat.” The other said, stepping in to face her, still holding the dagger in place. Amy looked up in astonishment to a creature with a sensual vibe over her. Their manner of speech aligned with the smug grin on her face. She wore a dark coat with fabric that seemed to hug her body in a way that barely left anything to the imagination, her sharp shaped wings the only thing uncurved about her physique. How could she have missed her when she scanned the place? “Then talk!” Amy snarled.

She tried to keep her voice down. The woman pulled back the hood of her coat onto her shoulders, revealing her white skin and big ears. Her lips were full and her two sharp canine tooths drew Amy’s attention.

“Why so rushy? Oh, that’s right! You have to get back to your dorm in time so they won’t notice you’re gone. Imagine all the rumours you’d cause!”

“If you’re so worried about my reputation, you could let me go, you know?”

The bat suppressed her tendency to mockingly laugh in her face and shifted the dagger to her slightly press into Amy’s muzzle.

“You’re too naïve. Ah, where are my manners?! I haven’t introduced myself to you yet.”

“I’ve been wondering about your manners as well.” Amy angrily hissed at her.

“You don’t want to go down that road with me, dear.” Her voice turned dark and serious. “On the topic of manners: it is wildly indecent that a member from a low-rank family such as yourself is in a romantic relationship with a high-ranked knight, who happens to be your trainer as well.”

A cocktail of frustration, fear and disgust roared inside her, sending tremors to her limbs. If she weren’t tied up, she’d teach this woman a lesson.

“…And quite a passionate one I must say.” The bat lowered her eyelids and locked eyes with her, clearly trying to get under her skin. Amy felt her cheeks redden in both embarrassment and anger, feeling exposed and violated by how much this stranger knew about her and Shadow. “H-how much do you know?”

“More than enough to offer you a deal.” “Let’s hear it.” Amy said unwillingly. She added scepticism to the tone in her voice.

“Rouge!”

Shadow rushed in without warning and knocked her over with force, taking both of the females by surprise. He pushed the bat down, one of his hands clenched around her neck, the other pointing out his magnificent sword at her. She struggled to escape his hold and failed, but still managed to cock a smile, unnerving Shadow and Amy.

“So, you’re coming to save the day after all, my lord.” ‘They seem to know each other,’ Amy quietly muttered to herself. “Cut it out!” Shadow yelled angrily. He increased his grip on her. “Are you hurt?” Shadow asked his student. She shook her head at him, never been more relieved to see him. His courtesy towards her sent a rush of adrenaline to her chest. She watched how he confidently moved to master his opponent with his muscular arms. Amy loved how strong and masculine he was, but was suddenly alarmed when she saw this ‘Rouge’-woman seriously struggle to breathe.

“H-hear me out, Shadow!”

“You’re unreliable and corrupt to the core! Give me one reason why I would listen to you!”

A series of coughs and grated voice followed from her almost clenched shut throat in attempt to get him to listen to her. They turned into background sounds when his girlfriend called him to order, afraid he’d push it too far. The grip on her neck reduced at once, grasping both of her wrists instead now. Shadow then lost his balance when she suddenly disappeared underneath him and he tumbled unto the floor. That darn bat with her endless number of spells!

“My, my. It seems you have forgotten how well I know my ways around the sacred arts there, knight.”

Rising to already to lash at her again, he was dumbfounded when he turned around. His girl gasped and let out a high-pitched squeak, seeing how the dagger of the woman lightly scratched her neck. He sighed and lowered his sword. “Put it in the sheathe!” Rouge ordered. Reluctantly he obeyed.

How things could become this ugly in so little time?

“Talk.” He sneered at her, crossing his arms.

“Here’s the deal: you two are going to help me out. I’ve had enough of being an outcast! My clan is on the edge of perishing. There’s not enough food, we’re poor and being used as a doormat, looked down upon and being abused way too long now!”

“How is that our problem?” “I’ll tell you: It became your problem the minute your self-discipline failed you and ya couldn’t keep your hands of this one here.”

Shadow’s eyes narrowed, disgusted by the way she portrayed him, but didn’t bother to go against it. “But of course, that all depends on how determined you are on keeping this a secret, Shadow.”

“That’s dirty! You are just loving this, aren’t you?” “You think you know me so well! I wished I wouldn’t have to do this, but I have no choice. I have to find the gemstone!” “It’s always been about luxury and prestige with you. If you’d ask me, you got what you deserved.” “Well, I am in fact not asking you, so keep your rude opinion to yourself. This isn’t about jewellery! I’m at the point where I can’t even feed my children properly anymore!”

His eyes widened in shock. He didn't know that she had kids now. “If I had simply asked for your assistance, you would’ve for sure rejected my request- that is IF you even were to hear me out in the first place. There’s no other way for me to get what I want but to blackmail you. Am I wrong?” Rouge’s bright blue orbs glistered even more brightly through the tears that filled her eyes. Amy couldn’t help feeling a little sorry for her. “Probably not.” He scratched the squills on his head in discomfort. “There’s someone who can help me and my clan to get out of this horrible situation. I need to bring him the infamous turquoise gemstone for his plans to work and the two of you are going to help me, seeing how you’re able to perform special skills and all…”

Shadow seemed to understand what she was talking about.

“What gemstone?”

“Oh, you haven’t told her? This ought to be even more interesting than I thought.”

“The special skill I performed earlier is only a sacred art spell. It’s no big deal.” Amy stated in confusion. She did not understand what was so special about it.

“And what do you think is the source of the power allowing you to do so?” “I haven’t given it much thought actually.”

“Well then, I’ll assume you are familiar with the legend of the gemstone that was used by greedy men with a thirst of power to let destruction befall our realm in the past. The one they tell you scary tales about in kindergarten, the one which’s tremendous power is a great taboo and the use of it a violation of the law.”

Amy nodded. “That’s the one.”

“That makes no sense! It’s supposed to be sealed away in a faraway kingdom. There’s no way that could be the source of power providing us the magic of the sacred arts.”

“That’s what they want you to believe.” She pointed in the direction of the academy. “Wherever that blasted stone is located, its’ range of power has an enormous scale. Its’ influence reaches our realm, providing a mysterious power, a power all the sacred arts are based on. In fact, you’re not that different from me, a dark mage.” …

“Especially him. He seems to know his way around spells I can’t even decode, let alone perform.” “Nonsense! Shadow would never use dark magic!” “It is in fact true, Amy.” Shadow heaved a sigh. He grunted and let out a soft curse under his breath, shifting his gaze away from Amy when he saw the painful look on her face. This was not the way he wanted her to find out about this.

“And you didn’t bother to tell me?!”

“I didn’t exactly have the time, now did I? Tonight’s the first time I have ever performed a sacred art spell around you. It’s complicated…”

“I’m listening…” “As much as I’d love to listen to the two of you argue, the sun is about to rise. Once your secret is out, you’ll be useless to me,” Rouge interfered. Shadow and Amy shared a glance, silently admitting they did not have a choice but to help her. He unfolded his arms and held out his hand to the bat.

“Wonderful! We’ll meet again here tonight an hour past curfew. Don’t be late.”

Shadow ignored her, hating to be ordered around by anyone but Amy and long wishing for this nightmare to be over. He walked up to Amy and untied her to rub her sore hands, only shifting his gaze up to hers once. She kept eyeing him in a mad way and he knew that look on her face meant trouble for him. “Now warp her back to her dorm so she’ll be back in time, will ya?” “Just because we’ll be working together does NOT mean you are to interfere in our relationship. Stay out of it!” “Heh!” the bat cocked a self-complacent smile. “Relationship…Who would’ve thought?” She nonchalantly shrugged her shoulders in disbelief and closely walked past them to the ladder, briefly touching Amy’s shoulder. “You’re his weak spot, lass. The only one I could ever find,” Rouge whispered.

The bat spread her wings and flew off into the distance leaving a beaten, chagrined Shadow behind with an upset Amy. Shadows hopes on a calm, peaceful day evaporated like snow on a sunny day when he realized he yet had to spend the day practicing swordfights with her. Reading someone wasn’t one of his qualities, but her offended mood was so evidently present, there was no doubt he misunderstood this time. She brushed off the dust and straw, dressing herself in her cloak. Arms crossed and boldly making him catch her gaze before she left, she made him a wordless promise: she would not go easy on him.

Fire and torments, this is not happening!

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< Previous chapter: read here.

> Next chapter: read here.

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My head’s been feeling a little fuzzy over the last few days. I have no idea if this is a good follow-up to the oneshot right now xD Let me know your thoughts and whether you would like a third chapter(: I have written the draft for that already. Send me a PM for typo’s, ideas or feedback if you will. I am an amateuristic writer and English is not my native langauge^^’ LOL.

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sanderssidesfanfiction · 3 years

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If There’s a Place I Could Be - Chapter Seventy One

If There’s a Place I Could Be Tag

January 10th, 1997

Remy was looking at the test his latest table-mate had given him and he frowned. “What’s so bad about it?” he asked.

“It’s a ninety seven!” she exclaimed.

“Yeah, so? I barely got a seventy two,” Remy said with a shrug. “It’s okay to not get everything perfect, or even close to perfect. All that matters is that you pass.”

“Figures you’d see it that way,” she scoffed. “You don’t care about grades at all. Do you even know where you’re going to college?”

“Don’t know, don’t care, Cindy,” Remy said. “I’m fifteen. I don’t have to care yet.”

She scoffed again and stormed off as the bell rang and Remy rolled his eyes. Another potential friendship avoided. Good. He had been worried he wouldn’t be able to shake this one. And perfectionists rubbed him a very particular wrong way that was not pleasant.

September 5th, 2002

Remy was working in the kitchen when Emile came up from behind him for a hug. “Hey, love,” Emile said.

“Mm, hi, mio amore,” Remy said. “Decided you’re finally ready for lunch?”

“Yeah. I was just doing some drawing earlier to fulfill the art class requirement I’ve been putting off, but the drawings are done for now. I just want to eat,” Emile said with a laugh.

“What were you drawing?” Remy asked.

“You,” Emile said. “Like, it wasn’t realistic figure drawings because I wasn’t looking at you, but I was working in different cartoon styles, and I figured I may as well draw one of the people I know best.”

Remy turned a slight red even as he continued to work. “Do I get to see these drawings eventually?”

“Yeah, if you want,” Emile said. “So long as you don’t tell me that my imitations of my favorite cartoon styles suck.”

“I would never say that,” Remy said. “You’re a pretty good drawer, actually. Maybe not make-a-living-off-it good, but definitely a your-art-shows-lots-of-care good.”

“Really?” Emile asked, and he looked surprised.

Remy paused in his work and faced Emile fully. “Yeah, Emile. You’re really good at art.” Emile frowned, and Remy mirrored the action. “Is there any reason that you wouldn’t think that?” Had he just found one of Emile’s insecurities?

“I mean, I guess not, it’s just...” Emile shrugged. “There’s a lot of things wrong with it. It’s like when I get a question wrong on a test. I know it’s wrong, but I can’t fix it.”

Remy squinted and walked past Emile, to the card table, where his sketchbook was still open. “Emile, your drawings look fine.”

“Fine, sure. But they’re not exactly good,” Emile said, walking over and pointing. “See, the eyes are slightly off compared to the She-Ra style, and in the Looney Tunes style I can’t get the hands and the fingers properly. And these are just the sketches I’m okay with other people seeing.”

Remy stared at Emile, then at the drawings, then Emile. “Emile, I’m not a cartoon expert like you are, but I know enough about art style differences from comics to understand this was just done by a different artist. It’s not wrong, it’s just a slight difference, like what can happen when more than one animator works on a project. The difference is that in animation, the frames go by so fast that it’s usually imperceptible.”

“No, it’s not the same style if it doesn’t look exactly the same. Otherwise it’s just an imitation,” Emile said.

“Okay...correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought you were just going for an imitation,” Remy said.

“I mean, yeah, but I realized how close I was and wanted it to be in the genuine style...and I couldn’t get it,” Emile mumbled the last part, turning away.

“What do you mean, honey? You definitely got it right,” Remy said.

“But I didn’t,” Emile argued.

Remy blinked. “Okay, maybe it’s not perfect, but—”

“—See?! You just said yourself that I didn’t get it!” Emile exclaimed.

Remy paused. Took a breath. Let it out slowly. “That’s not what I said,” he said calmly. Forcing away the irritation at being interrupted and the annoyance that Emile was apparently not listening to him. “I said you didn’t have it perfect. Not having it perfect doesn’t mean you don’t have it.”

“Yes it does!” Emile exclaimed with a huff.

The irritation faded away and was replaced with a blooming bud of concern. “No, it doesn’t, Emile...why would you think that?”

Emile laughed incredulously. “Do you really not know?”

“No,” Remy said. “I really don’t.”

“When I was in kindergarten the first time around, I was ‘the stupid one.’ I know you’ve heard this before, but listen. When it clicked and I finally knew how to read, I went to the top of my class in just about everything. Suddenly, school was impossibly easy. And everything I did was just considered perfect, perfect, perfect. That’s all it could be, that’s all it can be. I’m not allowed to fail. Because if I fail, then I’m just that stupid five-year-old who couldn’t even spell his own name. And suddenly everyone starts questioning me, saying they thought I was smart, I was supposed to understand this, and isn’t it easy? Why am I struggling?! I just need to push through until I understand, but I’m not even allowed to ask for help, because oh, that’s just for the stupid kids, Emile, and you’re not stupid! If something isn’t perfect, then it’s a problem. And I’m not supposed to have any more problems. Not after that.”

Remy didn’t know what to say. “Christ, Emile,” he breathed. “That’s terrible.”

Emile laughed and shook his head. “Not particularly,” he said, even as he was starting to cry. “Just the burden of being the smart kid, I guess. You have to keep up the appearance even if you have no idea what you’re doing. Because otherwise all the teachers see is that dumb kid who couldn’t tell the difference between an ‘o’ and a ‘v.’”

“I thought only your teen years were traumatic, but Christ. That’s just...I don’t have any words. I was never really ‘the smart kid,’ I never had to deal with that, but...wow, so many things make sense now,” Remy said. He shook his head. “Not the point, not the point. Okay. Emile, I’m going to tell you something, and I want you to listen to me when I say it, okay?”

Emile took off his glasses, wiping away his tears, and he nodded. “I’m listening.”

Remy grabbed Emile’s cheeks and brought their foreheads together. “You have my explicit permission to fail.”

“You...what?” Emile asked.

“You have my permission to fail. Okay? If you don’t get everything perfect, you’re not stupid in my eyes. If your graduating GPA is three point nine, I won’t focus on the one class you got a ‘B’ in. I’ll focus on the fact that all your other classes you aced with all ‘A’s! That’s freaking amazing! I would never be able to do that! If you get one thing wrong, if you ‘fail’ in your eyes, that’s okay. No one can be perfect all the time. It’s okay to need help. It’s not just for people who are struggling. This operates on the same principles as therapy. Therapy is not just for people who are drowning in their own emotions, it’s also to teach those people how to swim, or to find a boat. The same is true if you have to ask a professor a question, or enlist the skills of a tutor. You’re not stupid for doing those things, you’re learning more so you don’t make the same mistakes in the future.” Remy kissed Emile. “You’re not stupid, Emile, and you never have been stupid. ‘Stupid’ as a concept is just...well, it’s stupid. It makes no sense. And getting one or two questions wrong on a test doesn’t mean you’re stupid. It means you got all the other questions right, and you get to learn from those mistakes.”

Emile blinked. “What if I get all the questions wrong?” he asked, voice small.

“You’re still not stupid. You just need to stress less and maybe study harder next time. But I doubt that would happen, okay? You’re Emile freaking Thomas, and you can do anything you set your mind to. Don’t sell yourself short,” Remy said, giving Emile a crooked grin at the end.

Emile slowly removed Remy’s hands from his face and stared at the floor. “Honey, I appreciate the sentiment, but...I can’t just stop this. I’ve been doing it for fifteen years.”

“I know you can’t just stop it at will, honey, that’s not what I’m asking of you,” Remy said. “I’m asking you to go a little easier on yourself. You don’t have to be perfect. If you get everything right, more power to you, but beat yourself up a little less if you make a mistake. If you do nothing else, at least remind yourself that you have my permission to fail? That no one will hate you or think that you’re stupid if you mess up?”

“I...” Emile trailed off, actually considering Remy’s words, which Remy counted as a win. “Yeah, okay.”

“Yeah?” Remy asked.

“Yeah, I’ll try,” Emile said, not looking Remy in the eye, but his tone sounded hopeful. “It would be nice to not feel like everything has to be perfect, I think.”

“You’ll either find it incredibly liberating or incredibly terrifying, I think. Possibly both,” Remy said drily.

Emile snorted. “I’m willing to bet you’re right,” he said with a nod. “I’ve never really considered what it would be like to be allowed to fail. Even when we moved out of the college dorms, I didn’t think about the possibility of failing and not managing our money correctly, because failure just wasn’t an option. And I guess it saved us issues with rent and food and the like, but I’m willing to bet it did a number on my mental health too. Just a hunch.”

Remy laughed. “Honey, you’ve worked yourself sick before because you’re so focused on helping friends and going to work and keeping that perfect GPA. I know for a fact that it’s done a number on you not only mentally, but physically.”

“Okay, I see your point,” Emile said with a slightly sheepish smile. “That was me going a little overboard.”

“More than a little,” Remy said with a snort. “That in and of itself was a bit of a failure. Failure to take care of yourself.”

Emile went oddly quiet, before he softly went, “Oh.”

“Oh?” Remy asked.

“I have failed in the past, then,” Emile said. “And you didn’t change how you treated me. I mean, you might have called me stupid for pushing myself too far and getting myself sick, but you didn’t...treat me like I didn’t know what I was doing.”

“That’s because you do know what you’re doing,” Remy said. “Making one or two mistakes, or outright failing doesn’t mean you don’t know anything. It means you might need things explained to you in a different way, or just explained period, but you know way more than most people, Emile. I would argue you’re smarter than most twenty one year olds I’ve met. At least, academically. Street smarts are another story.”

“Look, that was one time I got lost on the way home from McDonald’s!” Emile defended. “That doesn’t mean I don’t have street smarts!”

Remy burst out laughing. “No, that means that you have no sense of direction, and no street smarts.”

“This coming from the guy who purposefully picked a fight with a guy who was buddies with linebackers from the football team,” Emile snorted. “That’s not exactly prime ‘street smarts’ either, mister.”

“Okay, okay, so we’re both dumbasses coming to street smarts! I still know more than you on that front!” Remy exclaimed.

“Oh, you wish!” Emile declared, “I’d bet actual money that I have more street smarts than you.”

“A fool and his money are soon parted,” Remy said with a wicked grin. “But fine. If you’re so certain, let’s get an impartial party to determine this. Next time we see Bernie, we’ll ask him. But be prepared to lose whatever money you’re betting!”

“We have joint bank accounts in all but name anyway,” Emile said with a shrug. “We regularly buy stuff for each other. What difference does it make if that money is in my account or yours?”

“You have a point,” Remy hummed. “Okay. How about we bet food? If you win, we get the stuff to bake cupcakes. If I win, we get the stuff for brownies. And the loser has to help bake the sweets that we’ll be eating for the next two weeks or so.”

“Oh, you are so on!” Emile exclaimed.

Remy grinned. Emile was hopefully going to go a little easier on himself, and Remy was going to get to eat brownies next week! This was great!

#if there's a place i could be #sanders sides fanfiction #remile #emile picani #ts sleep

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preparetosufferemotionally · 4 years

Text

Home, Part 3: Make My Head Stop Spinning

Logicality

TW: Unsympathetic Patton, physical abuse, emotional abuse, threats, manipulation, toxic household, child abuse (only very little), traumatic events, coping mechanisms, fear, fighting, trying to protect someone, loosing friends, rules, toxic logicality, a confused view.

Emile loved his dads. Of course he did. That’s one of the first things you learn as a child.

Rule number one, love your parents. But sometimes they made him want to cry. Tomorrow was his first day of kindergarten, and daddy and dad are fighting again. Well, daddy said it wasn’t an argument, it was just a discussion. But it got so loud. And there was crying. And loud thumps. And Emile would run to his dads’ bedroom and beg them to stop. And daddy would be angry. So, dad told him to go back to his room. And he wanted to stay, but he was so so scared, so he ran into his room, grabbed his blanket, pillow, and favorite stuffed animal, a Stitch doll, and hid in his closet, trying to block out the noise.

Rule number two, listen to your parents. He would always wake up in the closet, dad coming to get him dressed and ready. Daddy normally was leaving for work when he woke up. Dad would make everyone breakfast and then daddy would drive to work. Mornings were always scary, because Emile could feel all the feelings in the air

Rule number three, tread lightly. Dad let him play a lot outside, but on rainy days dad did crafts with him and tried to teach him things. Emile knew all his ABC’s now, and how to count to twenty, which dad said was very hard. He could also spell his name almost perfectly. But dad said to not talk about it too much. Emile didn’t know why, but he listened.

Rule number four, stay quiet. Then daddy got home from work and played with Emile outside a little bit. When they came in they would have a few minutes before dinner. Dad would stumble out to set the table and bring out the food. Daddy would talk about his day and then ask about Emile’s. Emile would get excited and tell him all about it. Then he was put to bed. Later in the night, he would usually hear yelling. He was trying to get used to it.

Rule number five, fall asleep alone. So, tonight was the worst argument he’d ever heard, because daddy AND dad were yelling. He could hear snippets, even tucked away in the closet.

“I just want to take him to school! It's his first day, why can’t he have both of us there?” That was Dad. He wasn’t yelling too loud. It had been hard for Emile to hear, he had to strain to listen.

“I suggest you learn to shut your mouth Logan, or I’ll shut it for you.” Daddy was not exactly LOUD but he was louder than dad and sounded scary too.

“He deserves some normality. He hears us screaming almost every night, that must be-” Dad was cut off by a bang and smacking sound. He let out a gasp, and Emile could hear sad in his voice.

“It’s your fault, Logan. If you just did as I said, we wouldn’t have this issue. Now, apologize to me and do as I say.”

“I-i-i-”

“Sometime tonight!” Daddy snapped. Emile heard a sigh. It sounded sad.

“I’m sorry. I trust your judgement.” Emile could barely hear dad say that.

‘“I thought so. Now, we’re going to bed.” That was the last thing Emile heard that night, he was so exhausted that he just fell asleep in his closet.

Rule number six, tell no one. That rule was easy to break. Emile never meant to, but it just slipped out a couple times the first day of school. Luckily, no one remembered except him. Or so he thought.

The first day of school followed the basic routine, except when daddy left for work, he also took Emile to school. Dad gave Emile a hug on the way out, and told him to do his very best. Daddy dropped Emile off with the other kids, taking a picture first before going to work. Emile was kind of scared and lonely. He didn’t see anyone he knew, and everyone else had some adults there with them. His lip trembled. Suddenly someone ran up to him.

“Emile! We’re going to the same kindergarten! Isn’t it awesome?!” It was Remy, both of his fathers behind him. Emile immediately stopped with the trembling lip, not because Remy was here, but because no one was allowed to see him cry. Emile grinned brightly.

“Hi Remy! Hi Mr. Remy’s dads!” The one in red introduced them, bending down to Emile’s eye level.

“Hi there Emile. My name is Roman. That’s Virgil.” The other dad in purple waved hello.

“Hi!” Emile waved cheerily before hugging Remy. “Woah I love your backpack!” Remy smiled toothily.

“Thanks! My papa helped me pick it out!” Emile twisted to show his backpack.

“My daddy picked this one out! It has cartoons on it!”

“Cool!”

“Hey kid,” the dad in purple, Virgil?, said quietly, “is your dad here?”

“Nope!” Emile said cheerily. “He had to go to work.” The two aduts exchanged a look that he probably shouldn’t have seen. Emile panicked inwardly. Oh no, he shouldn’t have said that! Now they’re gonna yell and everyone’s gonna hear.

But strangely, no one yelled. Instead, Remy kept talking, and when the bell rang he gave his dads a hug and ran into school with Emile.

Rule number seven, careful around adults.

A few weeks of school had gone by when Remy’s dads said they could have a playdate at their house. They already met at the park and playground a few times, so Emile’s dads were well aware of the friendship. It would be the first time the two kids were at a playdate with only one set of parents. Emile begged his dads to go, and after some pleading, he could. Instead of walking himself home from school, he got to go in a car with Remy’s dads to Remy’s house.

Remy was bouncing in his seat.

“I’m so so so happy you’re coming over!” Emile grinned.

“Me too!”

“I have so many things we can do, we can play outside on the swings, and play hide and seek and play chutes and ladders and-” Virgil chuckled in the driver's seat, Roman sitting in the passenger, writing.

“Alright you two, slow your roll. We’re not even home yet.” Remy pouted in his seat. “Hey, I made some delicious cookies for you two for when you get home.” Remy immediately was happy again, gushing about the cookies.

“Oh yeah, dad makes the best cookies! Oatmeal cookies, but with chocolate chips instead of raisins!” Roman looked up, turning slightly to Virgil, who smirked. Roman rolled his eyes with a smile. Then he looked at a text he just got.

“Hey Emile, I hope it's okay that Remy’s uncle Remus is coming over today.” Emile, curiously looked at him and then nodded.

“Sure!” Remy was so excited about Emile being here, it appeared he could talk about anything. Soon the two were giggling and talking excitedly.

When Virgil pulled into the driveway and parked, the two kids tried to jump out a window to get to play. Roman laughed and unlocked the door, the two kids running inside and stealing cookies.

“Just take off your shoes and put away your backpacks okay? Then you guys can play.”

“Okay papa,” Remy chirped. Emile nodded, already putting his backpack away. Remy rushed with his, practically dragging Emile upstairs to his bedroom. “So what do you wanna play?”

“I don’t know, you pick!” Emile said. Remy smiled excitedly.

“Wanna play dress up?”

“Yeah!” Remy went into his closet and immediately started to toss out costumes.

“Pick one! Wanna be the princess or the prince?” Emile thought for a second.

“The princess!”

“YAY!”

The two kids played for hours in Remy’s room, telling a tale, with stuffed animals being the villains and the two kids being the two heroic royals who saved the day and each other, numerous times. At dusk, it was almost time to leave.

“Hey Remy and Emile, time for Emile to go home. We’re dropping him off.”

“Noooo. We were about to slay the dragon!” Roman appeared at the door, swinging Remy up in the air.

“Is that so?”

“Well, Emi wanted to be friends with it until it killed Gigi,” Remy pointed to the stuffed pig covered in a red blanket in the corner.

“Well, slay the dragon tomorrow, and avenge Gigi’s death! But, Emile’s dad did ask for him to be home by 6, so we need to leave soon. You can come drop him off with us if you want.” Emile stood there, watching the exchange.

Rule number eight, don’t complain.

“Okay dad!” Quickly Remy started to clean up, Roman aiding his son. Emile, watched, slowly coming over to help.

“Oh it's okay, Emile, you’re a guest. You don’t have to help.”

“I don’t mind, I want to help.” Roman looked Emile doubtfully.

“You sure?” Emile nodded eagerly.

“Yup Mr. Roman.” Roman chuckled lightly.

“Well okay then.”

Rule number nine, always help. Emile noticed it was getting dark out. He wondered when Remy’s dads would start to argue. Still, he helped finish up cleaning and then went down stairs.

“Alright two brave questers, get on your shoes please,” Roman turned to Emile, handing him his backpack. “Here’s your backpack. Now, can you two head out to the car? I’m just going to ask Remy’s papa if he wants to come.”

“K dad!” Remy said brightly, and took Emile to the car, both of them buckling in. Emile nervously asked a question.

“Hey, uh, Remy? Why is it so quiet?” Remy looked confused.

“Huh? What do you mean?” Emile elaborated.

“It's almost dark out. That means loud noises start now.” Remy wrinkled his nose.

“No they don’t. What are you talking about Emi?” Emile quickly backtracked.

“Nevermind.”

“Okay!” Remy’s dad came into the car with Remy’s papa, starting to drive. Emile was home far too soon for his taste. It was quiet. But he didn’t know how long. Remy and Remy’s dad walked him up to the door. As soon as they knocked, Emile’s daddy opened the door, Emile’s dad nowhere in sight. Emile’s daddy gave him a quick hug, before escorting them in. The adults talked a little before they left.

Then on the way out of the house, Remy asked a question.

“Hey dad, what loud noises start at night?” Emi said there are loud noises when it's dark, but I never hear them.” (GET YOUR MINDS OUT OF THAT GUTTER) Roman froze and Patton quickly shut and locked the door. Emile didn’t see what happened next outside.

“LOGAN!” Emile’s daddy shouted, gripping Emile’s shoulders tight. Emile wants to cover his ears and cry. He didn’t know what he did, but something was wrong. Emile’s dad ran down the stairs quickly, old glasses askew.

“Yes?” He asked softly. “What do you require?” Patton rolled his eyes, and shook Emile slightly.

“Your son just said something to them,” Patton said, his voice filled with rage. Emile was so scared. Daddy was yelling and shaking him and his grip hurt and he just wanted to be safe. Logan flinched. “He just said something about the disagreements!”

“Patton, please let Emile go. You’re scaring him.” Logan desperately tried to remain calm, his voice wavering. Patton snorted.

“He should be.” Emile started to panic, tears pouring down his face. He tried to wiggle out of the grip that tightened, panicking. Logan began to beg.

“Please let him go, he’s five, he didn’t know any better, please he’s just a child Patton, you’re scaring him!” Patton ignored him as Emile kept crying. Then Logan said the one thing that would push the attention off of Emile. “I told him to say it.” Patton’s grip loosened on Emile’s shoulders and Emile immediately ran toward Logan in terror, hugging him and crying.

“You what?” Patton said, dangerously angry again. Logan picked Emile up, trying to soothe him. Logan tried not to wilt at the look Patton gave him.

“I just thought it would be a good idea to say something.” Patton kept glaring before coming up to Logan’s ear. Emile finally stopped crying in Logan’s arms.

“You do something like this ever again, and I promise, he won’t just be terrified,” Patton hissed in Logan’s ear. Logan turned pale and nodded. “As for you, I don’t think you should be friends with the Empires. No talking to them ever again okay?” Patton sounded calmer and more soothing. “Its for your own good kiddo.” Emile nodded.

“Okay daddy.”

“Now time for bed.”

Rule number ten, don’t have friends. It's too easy to get hurt.

Emile listened to his father. When he went to school the next day, he didn’t so much as glance at Remy, even though he felt sad. He only caught one glimpse of Remy on the way out of school. It looked like he had been crying. By the time they were in fourth grade, Emile was a completely different person, and so was Remy. Everyone at school had eventually heard of the dramatic end to their friendship and how it ended them both. Remy became known as the gay J.D. and Emile as the therapist friend you can always talk to. By 7th grade, the two barely passed each other in hallways. And by highschool, Emile forgot someone named Remy Empire ever existed.

#remy sanders #emile sanders #toxic household #traumatic events #logicality #toxic relationship #abuse #emotional abuse #physical abuse #toxiclogicality #prinexity #roman sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #sanders sides #unsympathetic patton

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victoriareyloficlists · 4 years

Text

18/11/2020 Additions to Reylo Fluff

These fics have been added to the Fluff list located here.

Sweet Home by Violetwilson (AO3 2018 Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Honestly, she only came to Waffle House at two AM to pick up Finn and Poe and maybe order some pancakes. Maybe. But what was she supposed to do when she found a hot businessman with a broken car in the parking lot? Not invite him to sleep over at her place until the town's only mechanic sobered up?) A Child and a Mortgage by AverageEpaulet (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: It was bring your child to work day. Whoever came up with that bright idea had a special place reserved in hell for all Ben Solo cared. He loved his daughter, more than anything, but that didn't mean he liked flaunting her around like a trophy with ”Got laid at least once” engraved on it.) I Still Do by merrymercy (AO3 2020 Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: 'Remember when you had a huuuge crush on me?That was so embarrassing for you.'' Drunk Rey greets her husband.) We'll tell our kids we met at Starbucks by M1ssJess (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey goes on a date with Poe but ends up spending a much more enjoyable night with his roommate Ben.) Clumsily Yours by Hellyjellybean (AO3 2020 Rated M Complete, 3 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey is injured at work. She is shocked when her boss Ben Solo carries her to his car and takes her to hospital much to her embarrassment. He is over-bearing and over-protective of her during her stay and Rey doesn’t understand...although it is sort of sweet in a way...could it be that the big bad executive Ben Solo actually likes her?) Go And Catch A Falling Star Chapter 46 by Ayearandaday (AO3 2020 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey's familiar, Kira, usually hates other people but keeps escaping to go visit her neighbor Ben, could he have his own secret?) Goodnight Moon by LittleAndikin (AO3 2020 Rated M Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben's 3 year old daughter Lily won't go to sleep without listening to the library's podcast reading of Goodnight Moon. When she's in the elevator with her father & a neighbour, she recognises Rey from her voice as the person who reads to her every night.) Where's my wife? by AverageEpaulet (AO3 2020 Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey dresses up as Ben's favourite TV character while he's out for drinks. But she's underestimated drunk Ben's loyalty.) Crisis: Girlfriend by perperuna (AO3 2018 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben had been in love with Rey for over a year when he asked her to go with him to his ex’s wedding as his date and ‘girlfriend’.) Go And Catch A Falling Star Chapter 11 by Ayearandaday (AO3 2020 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben asks his father for help with the classmate that has been frustrating him. ) Pining and Puzzles by greywilde (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey finds scraps of paper in the washer as she's doing her laundry, and her roommate Ben is acting strange about them.) Threads by Hellyjellybean (AO3 2020 Rated M Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben Solo is a cantankerous boss known for throwing away any gift his underlings give him. When newbie Rey decides to knit everyone a scarf for the start of fall, she's warned that Solo will not appreciate it. Everyone is surprised when he shows up the next day wearing it.) Go And Catch A Falling Star Chapter 35 by Ayearandaday (AO3 2020 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben is always suspicious about his mother's matchmaking. This is how he fell for it again.) About You by LadyBrettAshley (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: An eight-month dry spell drives Rey to create a Tinder account. Already stressed about work, she finds herself exceptionally discouraged after her first date is a flop, and her neighbor, Ben, won't stop harassing her for being on Tinder in the first place. That is, until Ben makes her an offer she can't refuse...) In Bloom by Celia_and (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, 4 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: The flowers that bedeck her skin don’t lie. Ballet dancer Rey is in love with her partner, Ben. But the years go by and his skin stays resolutely, devastatingly blank. He doesn’t love her. But when his hands are on her body, she can pretend.) How Not to Break Up by LadyBrettAshley (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Nothing means more to Leia than her Annual Pumpkin Carving extravaganza. That’s why Ben asks Rey to keep their recent breakup a secret until after the party. After a carving-related accident, Ben comes to her aid and it turns out... they may not have to tell anyone they broke up at all.) Only Make-Believe by Hartmannclan (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey is in a car accident, so best friend Ben races to the hospital to be with her. What happens when she wakes up with amnesia and believes they are married?) would you be so kind? by youcarrymeaway (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, 3 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: An au where Ben accidentally hits Rey with his car, and also falls in love with her a little.) urgent caring by blessedreylo (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: ben meets rey on a visit to the local urgent care, and somehow keeps finding ways to see the cute girl behind the front desk (hopefully not losing an appendage in the process). ) What if I want to kiss you tomorrow? by Hellyjellybean (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben needs to share Rey's bed for the night, but does he want to share more than a bed with her? ) Go And Catch A Falling Star Chapter 45 by Ayearandaday (AO3 2020 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: From childhood to adulthood, Ben is practiced at catching a clumsy Rey.) Close Enough to Kiss by Somewhere_overthe_Reylo (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey's daughter comes with her to take a final exam. Dr.Solo ends up being soft for babies.) a tale of baseball and broken elevators by Zoa (AO3 2019 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey has sprained her knee. The elevator in her building is broken. She lives on the sixth floor. Her neighbor, Ben Solo, has arrived in the nick of time to help, but there's one problem: she hates him.) Lizzy Solo by Hellyjellybean (AO3 2020 Rated M Complete, 3 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Its bring your kids to work day and little Lizzy Solo meets Rey for the first time. "Are you the same Rey that my dad told Uncle Hux he was half in love with?") a night under the stars by blessedreylo (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Grandma Padme's retired life mostly takes place at the local senior center. When it comes time for senior prom, she asks Ben to go with her. Padme introduces him to senior center employee Rey, for whom this is the first prom she's ever experienced.) Go And Catch A Falling Star Chapter 5 by Ayearandaday (AO3 2020 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben reluctantly helps his friend Kaydel pick up lingerie. In the dressing room, he runs into his intern Rey as she's trying out some items.) Wrong Number, Right Guy by greywilde (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Grandma Padmé texts Ben to invite him for dinner and reminds him he can bring his apple pie but she's mistyped his number and texts a stranger. Rey texts back to let her know she has the wrong number but Padmé invites Rey to join them anyway.) Anything You Need by SuchaPrettyPoison (AO3 2020 Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben knows women don’t come to him for his lacking social skills and awkward nature; they want to see if he's big all over. He figures why not finally use his assets to his advantage and (try to) flirt with and impress trainer Rey by working out in only biking shorts?) say it with a braid by reylo_mo (writermo) (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: An AU where hairdresser Ben loves to style actress Rey’s hair in braids for events. There’s even a particular type he always goes for.One day Leia texts to ask him why he hasn’t brought his fiancée over for dinner. Thing is... he’s been giving Rey Alderaanian wedding braids.) I'm going to teach you (all about love) by Trish47 (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: When Rey's imposing roommate lands a position teaching kindergarten, she spends the year celebrating his victories and cheering him up in equal measure. It just so happens that Rey discovers her favorite method for doing so: kissing him.) You Make Me Weak by Hellyjellybean (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey decides to faint to get her boss's attention.) to climb steep hills by galvanator (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: No one really talks to the new girl who sits in the back of the class. She’s been here a month but kids are afraid of her and teachers are too overworked to be able to solve a problem like Rey. No one really talks to the new girl - except for Ben. A childhood to adulthood love story.) When Love is Like Pulling Teeth by CaliforniaQueen (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Han sends Rey his favorite mechanic to pick up his son Ben after a dental operation. High on meds, normally arrogant and cold Ben becomes quite the chatterbox.) Go And Catch A Falling Star Chapter 30 by Ayearandaday (AO3 2020 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ex-military Ben doesn't expect anyone to wait for him in the airport. And yet...) Go And Catch A Falling Star Chapter 2 by Ayearandaday (AO3 2020 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey constantly needs librarian Ben to help her get books from the top shelf.) Rey is Tired by mcloveproductions (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey Niima is tired. Tired of college. Of her shitty interning job at Plutt's garage. Ben is also tired of the job he just quit. When he meets and pretends to be Rey's boyfriend, maybe that'll be the answer to their problems.) Go And Catch A Falling Star Chapter 30 Sequel by Ayearandaday (AO3 2020 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey is attracted to morons. Ben assumes she doesn't like him and tries to apologize for his feelings.) Go And Catch A Falling Star Chapter 18 by Ayearandaday (AO3 2020 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey asked for something to keep her warm for her birthday. Poe decides the best present he could get is Ben.) Go And Catch A Falling Star Chapter 24 by Ayearandaday (AO3 2020 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben is absolutely terrified of the dentist. Luckily, Rey is by his side.) The Prince of Alderaan & Me by lalaitskelcey (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, 5 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey’s daughter steals popcorn from the prince of Alderaan, and a clip of it goes viral, much to Rey’s dismay.) Go And Catch A Falling Star Chapter 20 by Ayearandaday (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Meddly Mama Leia only wants her son to find his love and give her pretty grandkids to spoil. That's not too much to ask, right?) By Hand by Celia_and (AO3 2020 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Socially anxious Ben visits the same cafe every morning, and he’s fallen for sweet waitress, Rey. Every day he writes down a lovely thought about her, folds into a boat, and leaves it behind to be swept into the trash. He doesn't know that Rey has kept every single one.) I Don't Wanna Live Forever by MotherofScavengers (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Love goddess Rey has been tasked with finding love for Kylo, her friend and god of death. After centuries refusing any of the suitors she suggests, Kylo finally names the only person he would ever be willing to marry: Rey herself) Find Something You Like by ekayla (AO3 2020 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey is playing hide and seek in IKEA with Rose and Finn. She hides in a wardrobe. Ben is in need of new furniture. He finds a lot more than ample suit space when a freckley brunette nearly gives him a heart attack jumping out of one of the shop floor examples.) i found love where it wasn’t supposed to be, right in front of me by Lutrosis (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben’s the sweetheart nanny to Rey’s twin daughters. When her new boyfriend is frustrated that he’s lower on her list of priorities than her children, he dumps her. Rey texts Ben and comes home early to find her kids tucked in, and Ben, ready with ice cream.) An Open Invitation by monsterleadmehome (AO3 2019 Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey has a crush on her boss's son, Ben Solo. Ben is head over heels for Rey. They hang out all the time--he cooks her dinner, they cuddle on the couch. But he can't work up the courage to ask her on a real date. Rey thinks they're already dating and wonders why Ben won't kiss her.) Rocky Mountain High by reyloanne (AO3 2019 Rated M Complete, 11 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Pro tennis player Ben Solo suffers a season-ending injury in the finals of the US Open, prompting a personal crisis that leads him back home to Colorado. He just may find more than he was searching for along the way in the form of a pretty park ranger named Rey.) that's where you take me by blessedreylo (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Single dad Ben asks his daughters nanny Rey to live with them during quarantine so she can help take care of her while he works remote. Lots of domestic proximity and mutual pining ensues.)

#reylo #reylo fanfic

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thepropertylovers · 4 years

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It’s Official: Our Oldest Kiddo is Doing Virtual Learning for Kindergarten

After months of discussing it and then working to get him a spot, our oldest kiddo is starting kindergarten next week on his iPad at home. And we couldn’t be more grateful.

If you’ve been following us on any of our social media channels, you know how serious we’ve been about social distancing this year. No parks, no stores, no trips to see family, no vacations. Our number one priority has been to protect the kiddos from COVID 19, and so home is where we’ve been for the last 6 months and home is where we plan to stay until something changes with the pandemic.

Which is why when we found out that virtual learning was an option for the coming school year (even for kindergarten!), we were so excited and grateful to get our oldest enrolled so he could still learn safely at home. As much as he loved school and getting to see his friends and his teacher, we’ve explained to him that learning at home is the best option for him right now, and thankfully, he understands that.

One of the biggest debates around the country right now is whether or not to open schools and let kids go back to in-person learning. It’s sadly become political, as so many things have the last few years. In our minds it doesn’t make sense that protecting children and prioritizing their safety should be political or even be a question, but that’s 2020, isn’t it? It also doesn’t make sense to us that if we pulled kids out of school at the beginning of the pandemic, why would we put them back in at the height of it?

Of course, we know that we have the privilege of working from home, so we’re in the position to do virtual learning for our oldest. So many people around the country don’t have that luxury and are faced with hard, unimaginable decisions about how to make a living while also giving their kid an education. Thomas was raised by a single mother who had 3 kids to take care of while usually working two jobs at a time. What would she do if this was happening 20 years ago? Some people have no choice. For many, schools must open so that parents can work in order to feed their families. It’s an impossible & unfair situation that so many are being put in right now. Our hearts ache for those struggling with the effects of the pandemic that extend beyond the illness.

When the kiddos first came to live with us last summer, they were developmentally delayed quite a bit, so we’ve spent the last year working with them and teaching them in order to get caught up. They’re all pretty much where they need to be now, but only because we didn’t take a break this summer. PJ has been working with them M-F to get them ready for the school year and it’s paid off. When we first got them, little brother couldn’t talk and older brother couldn’t count to 5. They didn’t know their ABC’s or what a letter even was. Now both of them can count to 50, know all their ABC’s, and are starting to spell words and read complete sentences. The joy we feel seeing them learn and seeing the light bulb go off in their heads when something clicks is indescribable. As for little sis, she’s getting there. She has the privilege and the burden of having two older siblings who do a lot of the talking for her, but, like everything else with her, she’ll get there when she wants to :).

It was a complicated road getting him enrolled in virtual schooling, with a ton of phone calls and texts and emails to so many people we’ve lost count, but finally, we got the call the other day that he was approved and will start school next week. We are eternally grateful for everyone that helped make this happen for him and can’t say thank you enough. We know that if he wasn’t enrolled, the last 6 months of social distancing as seriously as we’ve been (did we mention no vacations? haha) would have been for nothing, and that him returning to school could potentially put his younger siblings at risk. We’ve seen how school openings in Georgia have gone and even here at some of the other schools in town, and it hasn’t been pretty.

At the end of the day, you have to do what you feel is best for your family, and you can only do what you can do. This is an unprecedented and hard time for everyone, and we believe we’re all just doing the best we can to make it through. We sincerely hope you’re okay and continue to stay as safe as you can.

As for us, for now, we have his iPad, his apps downloaded, his online accounts created, and his school supplies at home. Look out kindergarten: older brother, our 5 year old, is ready for you. Here he comes.

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learninggames40 · 1 year

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Your kids will have a blast with these educational apps!

Educational games (also called learning games) are interactive educational apps that impart knowledge about particular topics and enhance kids’ skills. These games are available online as spelling city games and can be played on various devices, including iOS and Android. Educational games make the topics interesting and engaging, and remove learning obstacles. Educational games are available for kids of all ages, including toddlers, preschoolers, kindergarten-going kids, grade schoolers, and teenagers. Educational games and learning games are the best kinds of educational apps. Toddlers, preschoolers, and kindergarten kids can benefit vastly from learning games as they help with early literacy and numeracy skills.

Learning games for 2 year olds and older help them develop early literacy and numeracy skills, such as recognizing letters, numbers, and simple words. Some learning games also teach kids math and how to count. Learning games help children build their dexterity and fine motor skills by tapping, swiping, and dragging. Learning games teach children quick-thinking and hand-eye coordination skills as well. Here are four of the best educational apps for kids and a section dedicated to helping children learn offline with printable learning games for 4 year olds!

Doctor

Doctor is a fantastic game for budding healthcare professionals! While playing the game Doctor, kids role-play as a doctor and get to take care of their cute little virtual friends within the game. With this game, kids can learn to treat the flu, take care of ears & teeth, clean wounds, and learn about the X-Ray! This game helps kids develop social-emotional skills like empathy and caretaking. While playing Doctor, kids also get to solve exercises that teach them to count, code, and trace letters and numbers! This game is a complete science and math learning package!

Bath

It is necessary to establish a hygiene routine for kids early on. A hygiene routine, or a bathroom routine teaches kids to be independent, helps them develop structure, and teaches them about time management. The game Bath is a fun way for children to learn the bathroom routine. While playing Bath, children learn about hygiene and bathroom routines by caring for their cute little virtual friends. Children brush their virtual friends' teeth, bathe them, wash their clothes, and dress them up. Bath teaches children about bathing, bathroom routines, potty training, and more. Children learn good habits like dressing on their own, washing their clothes, brushing their hair & teeth, and cleaning themselves. When a bathroom routine is established before joining a preschool or kindergarten, children are more relaxed and can focus better in their classrooms. Learning games for 5 year olds, like Bath, teach toddlers the importance of hygiene in a gentle and fun manner.

Superstore Shopping Mall

Superstore is a cute and entertaining role-playing game for kids that introduces them to the real world. While playing this open-world game, kids can roam the shopping mall, play around with different things, and perform various social activities. Kids can role-play as a visitor or as little helpers to their friends. Kids can also play with more than 34 characters within the game and customize them! With SuperStore Shopping Mall, kids can discover shopping, food, clothes, hairstyles, sports, musical instruments, and more. Kids learn about people, objects, lifestyles, shopping, and transactions. Free learning apps for kids like Superstore are a superb way to gently expose kids to social situations and the world around them.

Bakery

Kids love cakes, and with the help of Bakery, kids can learn how to bake cakes! While playing the game Bakery, kids learn to virtually bake cakes using real recipes and learn math! Toddlers learn to bake cakes and solve math with the help of their cute in-game monster friends. Bakery helps toddlers master baking and math skills with immersive audio and pictures. Kids learn math by solving in-game puzzles and exercises. With this game, kids can learn math, number sense, logical thinking, fractions, and more. Learning games for 2 year olds like Bakery are perfect for future chefs!

Math worksheets for kids.

Although educational games are the best tools to teach math online, printable math worksheets can help children learn math offline. The best place to find math worksheets for kids is skidos.com. SKIDOS develops educational apps, and their website has printable math worksheets for kids.

Worksheets help children practice and reinforce the concepts they have learned. They help children develop fine motor skills and hand-eye coordination. Moreover, worksheets can also serve as a learning assessment tool. Parents, educators, and caretakers can use math worksheets to assess kids' understanding of a particular topic or area in math. They can then provide additional support and personalize kids’ learning based on their strengths and weaknesses.

SKIDOS develops educational apps for kids of all ages. They have developed over 40 educational apps for kids that are fun, educational, and kid-friendly. SKIDOS offers a wide variety of games with unique themes like role-playing, sports, racing, adventure, town-building, and more. All SKIDOS apps are free learning apps for kids which are available on iOS and Android Play stores. Visit skidos.com for printable math worksheets for kids, and check out the SKIDOS subscription pass that lets up to six users enjoy the benefit of a single account.

#learninggamesfor4yearolds #spellingcitygames #learninggamesfor5yearolds

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alwaysabeautifullife · 5 years

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So anyone who teaches or homeschools or has kids who use a tablet and want them to do more math, I highly recommend Prodigy app. It’s free and it’s a blast. It’s WAY WAY better than abc mouse or any of the apps my kids used in public school.

The game play is a lot like old Pokemon games? You do math problems to cast “spells” that are attacks on monsters that can join your team once they are weak. My kids love it!

The only problem I could see is that the levels are very very very advanced. The highest level is 8th grade, and he does algebra 1 bookwork, but the level 8th grade in the game is like trig (I’m exaggerating it’s advanced geometry) lmao. For kindergarten you think they would be learning basic shapes or whatever but it’s like hexagon/hepagon or whatever (???) and also grouping and adding large numbers, so if your child/student average for their grade I would consider starting in the grade below since it works up fast.

Some reading is required, only to read the problem itself, the rest of the game is read to you by speaking characters, that’s the only thing I don’t like about it so if you have a student that cannot read yet or may struggle to read you will need to read the math problem and solutions out loud to them. There is a paid version but i don’t even know the purpose of it tbh, I just use free. I’m sure the paid version has some appeals to teachers.

Also, you have to sign in each time you open the app rather then stay logged in, which is annoying tbh, so write down your child’s given name and password so they can type it in themselves.

#learning apps #apps #teaching #education #homeschool

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kidslearnwithfun-blog · 2 years

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1 to 100 spelling game kids

Our goal is to learn with fun and games that are an easy way to teach kids. 1 to 100 spelling game kids for toddlers and kindergarten. Kids Learn With Fun provides a new way to educate our children that's called edutainment (education + entertainment). A great kids’ game for learning Number game 1 to 100 spelling game kids to improve our toddler's IQ training. It's the best way to increase our kid's knowledge through our different 10 activities where Kids learn how to spell and it is the best spelling game for grade 1. Many people recommended it for classroom spelling math games to learn a spell of numbers. By practicing with kids’ number 1 to 100 free game baby's easily converted numbers to words with spelling game playing by spelling word practice. This is an easy way to learning numbers, numeric and spelled out. 1 to 100 spelling learning games can help to learn numbers very quickly and effectively way and also practice have fun with other games like Dictate, Tap, arrange, drag, pick, pair, find, spelling finding and also fun game scratchpad spelling board games. Features: 1. Beginner track (Beginner): Kids learn how to spell by spelling games of 1 to 100 numbers. 2. Dictate with me (Beginner): Kids will improve power on spelling where kids also speak spelling with it. It also knows as spelling word practice games. 3. Tap me (Beginner): Kids will make confident in spelling game of 1 to 100 kids numbers as classroom spelling learning. 4. Arrange me (Intermediate & Expert): Now your kids have an intermediate level. Kids can identify the correct spelling and arrange it in the correct order like spelling board games. 5. Drag me (Intermediate): Kids understand the correct spelling of numbers like a grade 1 student. 6. Pick correct (Intermediate): Kids feel confident in spelling 7. Pair me (Expert): Now your kids is/are experts in the spelling of numbers. The perfect exercise to remember the number's spelling. 8. Find number (Expert & Fun): Kids identify the number, so they can have confidence in numbers 9. Find spelling (Expert & Fun): kids identify the spelling of numbers, so they can have confidence in the spelling of numbers. This is the final stage where finally Kids learn how to spell. 10. Scratchpad (Fun and Learn Game): Numbers fun game to learn and fun. Kids Enjoy it. Parents also customize settings for numbers in settings option like 1 to 10, 11 to 20, 21 to 30 .... 91 to 100 through multiple option choice and the application made to enable that selection for your kids to play with it.

#kids games #kids learning videos #kids #learning #education

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theawkwardterrier · 5 years

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things left behind and the things that are ahead, ch. 28

AO3 link here

Peggy tells him she’s pregnant on Christmas morning, after they’ve exchanged gifts. He finds himself overcome with giddy laughter all through their breakfast, and has a baby announcement card mocked up before supper. The following February, she miscarries. It happens again that summer, and then midway through the next year: that process of hope, ever more careful now, then despair, swallowed and borne and hidden by each for the other.

Steve knows it’s him. In Peggy’s other future, with her other husband, she had two children. He’d met them. Peggy tells him fiercely that she won’t allow him to feel guilty about it, that he certainly didn’t go into fertility specifics with her elderly self so he might not know everything that he thinks he does. He feels guilty anyway.

“There are other ways to have kids,” Bucky points out around a bite of hot dog as they take in a ballgame. (Steve’s been trying to get to as many Dodgers games as he can. They’ll be moving the team next year.)

Steve takes a bite of his own, pretending to mull over what Bucky has said while already having rejected it in his mind. But it comes back that night as he finishes washing up and starts down the hallway to join Peggy in bed. He passes by the little room that they always keep closed now. They’d been nearly five months along last time. Halfway had seemed a safe enough time to buy the few things now gathering dust: a rocking chair, a blanket, a little stuffed bear.

How would it feel to have a baby lie beneath that blanket, to sit in the rocker and soothe them to sleep? Even if it were a baby that didn’t share blood with him or with Peggy, Steve thinks suddenly that it can’t feel as bad as keeping that room shut forever.

He sits staring at his book, propped up against his pillow. Finally he turns to Peggy, waits until she can tear herself away from her novel to notice.

“What would you say,” he asks carefully, “about adoption?”

She bookmarks her page thoughtfully, staring at him for long, slow moments. Finally she says, “I’ve actually been wondering about it myself.”

They don’t adopt a baby at all. It becomes obvious pretty early on that the babies are the easiest to place, that this is what most of the other couples are looking for. Instead they are introduced to Rosie, four years old, stubborn and furious in a way that puts both her parents to shame. One look at her clenched fists behind the yard fence at the Sheltering Arms Children’s Home, at the way her hair has been crammed into bristling pigtails for their meeting and how her face is as red as her name, and they know they have to take her home.

That doesn’t mean it’s easy.

They learn quickly to put anything they don’t want broken higher than the reach of a four year old on a chair. Peggy takes her time getting ready in the mornings, knowing that any perceived weakness or retreat will be latched onto, but she breathes a sigh of relief every time she gets to drive away from the house. Steve figures that outings are a no-go just yet after she bites a boy who tries to take her swing at the park hard enough to bring blood. He becomes expert at fitting in bits of housework around the times Rosie exhausts herself and collapses into a nap.

“Giving up now will only make things worse for her later,” Peggy says one night in the dark of their bedroom, and Steve can tell just from her tone that she’s setting her jaw the way he’s familiar with from European battlefields. “It will only teach her that other people are not to be relied upon or trusted, that those who promise to love you will give up.”

She’s right. She’s right, and Steve has to keep reminding himself as he closes all the windows so the neighbors won’t also have to listen to Rosie shrieking unceasingly that she hates him, hates him, hates him.

Sometime in 2014, or perhaps 2015, he read an article about how important early childhood education is for development. The question of sending Rosie to kindergarten is not so much a discussion as an accepted impossibility. Steve makes first grade his goal instead. When she pounds her feet on the ground or smacks the walls, he puts pillows beside or beneath her and reminds her not to hurt herself, bandages her fingers if she does. While she shouts, blistering up with rage and curses that he didn’t even know someone could learn that young, he sits quietly beside her with his sketchpad, taking deep breaths in and out until she starts to copy him without realizing. If she throws a tantrum during dinner, she has her food in her room and they ask if there is something to do to make it better for tomorrow. He knocks on her bedroom door and waits before he ever walks in. When he gets the urge to yell, he turns away.

One afternoon she steals his wedding ring while he is washing the lunch dishes and flushes it away before he can get it back from her. He sits on the rim of the bathtub with his face in his hands and for the first time he thinks with a bit of relief about waking up alone in that SHIELD-constructed room, about the realization of the snap: I have been through worse than this, unrelenting and encompassing and hopeless worse.

And then he feels her close to him. No hand on his arm or nuzzle against his shoulder, but soft peanut butter breath and a tiny voice saying, “I’m sorry I did that. I want to get it back,” and even if it is too late for some things, it is just the beginning for others.

When Rosie enters her first grade classroom, it is with reminders to count to ten and then to twenty, with a warning that hurting someone else was not acceptable (they’ll get into the nuances of this later), and with a note from her father that says that she should be excused if she feels that she needs to be. When the teacher and then the principal ignore this last, they learn just why it’s a mistake to try that with Grant Carter. (When the principal retires the next year and her replacement is equally dismissive of such indulgent special instructions for a second grader, it becomes quickly and terrifyingly apparent that it’s even more of a mistake to try that with Peggy Carter.)

In third grade, Rosie wins the spelling bee, has a playdate with one of her vast array of friends nearly every week, and leaves the class only twice between September and December. Her teacher describes her as bossy and stubborn and self-righteous and smart as a whip. Bucky reads over her report card while twirling spaghetti around his fork, and reminds Steve with stifled laughter that Mrs. Leary did always say that retribution would be visited upon him for his behavior in her class.

Just before Christmas, as they decorate the tree together, Rose mentions to Peggy, though certainly loudly enough for Steve to hear from the kitchen, that she is the only one of her friends who does not have a brother or sister and that it would probably be a good idea to fix that.

“Hmm,” Peggy says casually, focusing on ensuring that the ornament she’s just hung isn’t too heavy for its branch. “Your father and I will have to think about that,” as if Steve hadn’t suggested something similar only two nights before.

It will never be entirely clear precisely how old Emma is. Apparently the children’s home had estimated nearly two, but she was left with only a short note with her name and an apology, so no one really knows. It’s speculated that she likely lost her hearing shortly before being left there, probably due to illness, and that her family felt that they couldn’t take care of her after that.

Peggy and Steve made it clear from their first meetings years ago that the sorts of things that might deter other couples - older age, race or ethnic background, “difficult” personality, medical issues, the circumstances of birth - don’t matter to them. And still, even the afternoon Emma is placed in their arms, the adoption caseworker lets them know that they can still change their minds.

“Why on earth,” Peggy asks, rising, Emma's eyes following her with cautious curiosity, “would we want to change our minds?”

She’s a sweet little girl, healthy now and smiling, and Steve is incredibly worried about her. He shows up at the New Jersey School for the Deaf before the adoption is even completely finalized, asking about sign language lessons. (When Howard recounts the story, Steve is always storming in and pounding on the superintendent’s door, but there was actually mostly a lot of showing off Emma in her soft, pretty dress to the school secretary, followed by polite but slightly confused conversation over tea. Generally, hearing parents who arrived looking to speak with the superintendent sought promises about perfect speech and reassurances of future employment, and had no interest in learning to sign themselves even if they were going to allow their children to do so.)

He and Peggy actually buy a second car so he and Emma can drive regularly to the Trenton home of Caroline Linzer, a Deaf former teacher from the school who had left to raise her own children. Mrs. Linzer is warm and funny and reassuring, patient with Steve as she leads him through the alphabet, numbers, basic vocabulary, and then slowly on to conversation with Emma watching all the time. He’s still scared that there might have been too much of a delay between when Emma lost her hearing and when she started learning to sign. He doesn’t know enough about brain development and childhood language acquisition, and neither does probably anyone in this time. He has another of those moments - a surprise each time - of missing the internet with all of its knowledge and answers. He wishes, in a way that he never expected to, that he could open up an email and contact the lead experts in anything, and have them eagerly respond for Captain America.

It seems to be alright, though who knows what might have been otherwise. Their dinner table is soon full of signed chatter, Emma putting together fragments of sentences with her chubby fingers, Peggy’s quickening hands admonishing Rosie for flicking food at her sister even as Rose protests in both sign and sing-song that “she likes it, Mumma!”

“The first legislation about public schools accommodations won’t be passed until the mid-seventies, I think,” Steve tells Peggy as they wash up from dinner while the girls play in the next room. By their guess, Emma isn’t even three yet, but it’s probably already too late to lay groundwork for a change before she’s ready for kindergarten. And would they even want to? The School for the Deaf is bigger and farther away, not the familiar neighborhood grade school where Rosie has been growing up, but would it be better among peers there than to be the only child in class with an interpreter, if they could even find one willing to do the job?

Steve drives Emma over to the nursery at the School for the Deaf himself, every morning. He lays to rest the image of his girls walking to school beside each other, but the reality of Emma running to greet her friends in the schoolyard, grinning and heedless with hands alive before her, is better anyway.

They have a family meeting about adopting more kids. Well, technically they have one meeting where they agree that maybe adding a brother to the family actually sounds like a good idea, and then they have a second discussion when the caseworker presents them with two files from Boystown; the state will split up siblings if it means making a sure match for one, but will certainly seize on the possibility of placing both in a home together, and how could Steve and Peggy consider taking one of these children without the other?

“Would you make us split up?” Rosie demands fiercely, clutching her sister too tightly, while Emma chants in fluid, furious sign, “Brothers should stay together! Brothers should stay together!” They don’t seem to notice that neither of their parents are actually opposing them.

“That last room can likely fit an extra bureau,” Peggy says, and Steve nods.

“Bunk beds could work.”

Their first worry is that the new additions won’t be able to pick up sign, that they will all end up divided along who in the family can communicate with who. But they watch Emma and Rosie demonstrating with patience the correct way to form letters, the facial expressions that go along with certain words, and they begin worrying instead about their oldest two. Rosie’s big sister authority has been accepted easily until now, but with another oldest sibling now in the house, one closer to her age and with a forceful personality to match hers, things are changing.

“I can’t help but think,” Peggy says, after they’ve broken up a bristling argument over whether it’s possible to cheat at The Game of Life (strangely, the opinion of both sides is yes and that the other one had done it), “that this might be a real piece of luck for Rose, finding another child who doesn’t simply allow her to have her way.”

Steve asks, not really wanting to know the answer, “But will the house be standing when she’s fully learned that lesson?”

They’re still working through that situation when Steve starts noticing something that he can’t help but focus on instead. There must have been signs earlier - dress-up clothes clung to after playtime, people examined with careful, wondering eyes as they passed in the street - but Steve first sees this: it is a Saturday, not quite turned to spring and Nathaniel is getting over one last cold, so Steve has taken the other children to try the new bakery in town, an attempt to leave the house a little quieter for him. The kids are pointing to their favorite pastries, leaving finger-smudges on the display case. Emma blinks a cookies! sort of charm up at her father. One of the bakery employees - an older woman, neat, flour-dusted apron, curled hair tied back - passes them to get back behind the counter.

“What beautiful daughters you have,” she tells Steve, smiling. He glances over, seeing what she does: three small forms still bundled in coats, hair blond, darker, and darkest peeking out from beneath knit hats, all to the chin or longer. Steve is still waiting for warmer weather to take them for spring haircuts.

“We’re two daughters and one son,” Rose corrects the woman, and as she trills, “Oh, my mistake!” before disappearing into the back, Steve watches two children return obliviously to picking treats and one turn away, sudden light suddenly dimmed, arms hugged against skinny chest, staying quiet, quiet, quiet.

The weather gets warmer, and Steve, acting on a hunch, asks who would like to get a haircut instead of simply adding it on the calendar. In the end, he goes to the barber and so does Nathaniel and that is all.

He tries to make himself as approachable as possible, says that he will answer any question, that there is no need to worry. But he wonders if the question has already been asked and harshly answered by someone else - another parent, a teacher - in a different way than Steve would.

One day, during homework time for those who have it, Rose finishes early, and then it is just two of them in the kitchen. Steve is thinking through the grocery list to the soundtrack of small feet swinging in that familiar, beloved, and entirely irritating way.

The question, when it comes, does not sound as expected.

“My first parents used to take us to church before they died.”

“We can go if you want,” Steve offers, mind still partly on the grocery list, partly on the muffins he and Emma have just put into the oven. He and Peggy haven’t really thought much about what to do if this stuff came up, though they probably should have considering the back and forth about what children they should even be allowed to be matched with in the first place based on their “mixed marriage” (Steve was down in the records as Catholic, Peggy as Anglican, which apparently counted as Protestant). But none of the other kids remember their lives with their birth parents much, not even Nathaniel who has someone to remind him, and so it hasn’t seemed much more than intellectual until now.

“No,” he hears back hurriedly, and Steve looks up to see blue eyes pointing themselves down toward the math workbook on the table. The feet have stopped their swinging. Steve goes alert, the muffins forgotten. “I just wanted to know…Do you think that people get made wrong sometimes?”

Steve is likely not really prepared for this conversation. But he supposes that he’s more prepared than he might have been.

He stands and comes over, crouches beside the chair and says carefully, “I think everyone is exactly right the way they are, including you. But if you feel like something is making you confused, you can tell me and I’ll try to help.”

A tiny headshake, nervous, tentative, which is not normal at all. Steve’s heart breaks a little. He tries something else.

“If you could pick any name for yourself, any name at all, what would you pick?”

“I already like Andrew, promise! When we looked up our names in Boy Scouts, the book said it means brave. And it’s the name my first mom and dad gave me.”

“And I’m sure that your first parents would know that if it’s not the right name for you anymore, we can change it. I know they would be happy if you picked a name that you liked better,” Steve fibs.

For a moment, Steve worries that the pencil is going to break in that little fist. Then, the voice, small and trembling and fearless: “Andrea also means brave. I checked.”

Steve smiles. “Yeah, it does.”

Peggy knows people who are gay or lesbian, “confirmed bachelors,” presumed spinsters. There are Angie’s theater friends and people she met in the war, men and women alike. Their kids call both Josie and Violet “aunt” now. None of that has ever troubled her, nor has countering ignorance or hatred in that area.

Questions of gender are something else. It isn’t something she has encountered much more than anyone else, and the things it implies in this era are almost entirely lurid and wrong. Steve remembers them discussing Christine Jorgensen a few years back when the headlines were everywhere, and how he had tried to explain how things would come to be understood later, at least as he understood them himself.

“What would you have done if this had happened...then?” she asks, waving a vaguely future-ward hand over their late night (technically, early morning) tea. He can’t tell what she thinks just yet.

The idea of Steve having had children in the future is nearly laughable. Tony, then. What would Tony have done if Morgan had come to him and said he’d been wrong about having a daughter, or at least not entirely right? Said, “Gender neutral name, Pepper’s a genius,” probably, and then protected his kid with everything in him.

“For now, we listen,” Steve says. “Later, it might mean finding a doctor, but for now we listen and see and try to make the best choices, the way we would for any of the kids.”

1963 suburban New Jersey is not exactly where and when Steve would have chosen for this, but in another way, this is what he chose, to be with his wife and his children here, as much as he wishes things could be different.

“I like to pretend that when people call me Andy, it’s really Andi, like a girl,” Steve hears one night at bedtime, whispered while Nathaniel is still brushing his teeth.

“You are Andi,” Steve whispers back, tucking the blankets in tighter. “I’m always calling you Andi.”

They have to keep it in whispers for now, and Steve hates that, because Steve has never been able to be quiet about things that are right. But this time it isn’t about him getting his face bloody in an alley in order to stand up, it’s about his child, who has friends and kind teachers and people who smile in passing in the street, and who would lose all of that and maybe more out of ignorance about the truth.

Being at home seems comfortable enough. They haven’t mentioned anything to the other kids yet; Andi says it is okay, that it would be good, but they know that Rosie especially might have a hard time not letting something slip. The ASL that they use as a family doesn’t need pronouns and Emma made a name sign that can just as easily stand for Andi. At school, though, there is a particular expectation of who Andrew Carter should be which would be dangerous to deviate from. Steve sits in uncomfortable silence with the idea that Andi doesn’t seem to even consider asking for anything to be different, with the realization that he wouldn’t be able to grant such a wish, at least not now.

(There is, he and Peggy have realized, likely only one thing to be done.)

It is already close to summer, and they pack up as soon as school is over. Howard thinks nothing of letting them take over the secluded beach house he bought in Maine. (Apparently he “picked it up” a few years ago, an idea that Steve can barely think about in reference to a carton of good ice cream, much less a whole house that its owner has apparently never used.) The kids spend most of the day running in and out of the water or building castles, while their parents lounge on the sand and occasionally call them over to eat or reapply sunscreen, such as it is. (Steve is extremely diligent about this, regardless of how effective this decade’s variety might actually be. None of his kids have his Irish skin, but they don’t have his healing, either, and he tries to help avoid sunburn and skin cancer alike.)

Andi’s dark hair, uncut for months, continues to lengthen; by the middle of July, it is a sort of thick shag and still growing. Peggy brushes it into a ponytail every morning and redoes it as the activity of the day musses it back up.

It is Peggy’s first vacation in a long while, though she leaves them for a few days every other week or so; work and responsibility is still calling and she can’t entirely forget it all. She does stand firm in her promise to avoid thinking about those sorts of problems when she’s with them, and it’s beautiful to see her glowing from the sun, relaxing with a book or loud with laughter as she chases one or another of the children down the beach. The housekeeper Howard sends over once a week agrees to stay for an evening, and Steve takes Peggy dancing. It’s only a visiting trio on stage at the local community center, just this side of the high school dance that Steve never attended, but with them, it’s always more. Among the couples, Peggy leans into his chest, sweet and upright and familiar now. She is more his partner now than he ever dared hope.

During the last week of July, it rains for days in a row, and midafternoon on the third, Steve and Peggy exchange a glance and know that it’s time to break the news to their children.

They talk to Andi first, and Steve, eagle-eyed, sees the rise and fall of those narrow young shoulders, the way they do not brace themselves but relax: a sigh, a finally, finally.

They find everyone gathered in the great room, cushions dragged into a nest on Howard’s shined, artfully rustic wooden floorboards with the kids settled in a semicircle on top of them. Books and games are scattered around, playing cards hiding at random beneath the pillows; they’re getting down to the last of the indoor entertainments, anxious for the weather to clear and allow them to break back outside. Steve seats himself on the stone ledge by the raised fireplace and Peggy sits beside him.

“We have some things to tell you all,” Steve starts.

“Is this about Mom’s work? Nate says you’ve been doing a lot of secret talking,” Rosie demands, fingers flashing, apparently having appointed herself to speak for the group. Nate has the sharpest eyes, the most acute nose, for these sorts of things, but he does not look troubled, merely curious. He has his bear sitting in his lap, as if Edward is an attentive part of the family meeting as well. “And we all know that a lot of Mom’s work is secrets,” Rose finishes keenly.

(Steve knows that Nate probably didn’t phrase it exactly that way, and not just because Rose puts her own spin on things. He and Peggy have always said that none of their children need to call them Mom or Dad until they are ready. With Emma it was barely a question, barely a thought, but it took Rosie more than a year. It hasn’t been quite that long for Nate, but he apparently still hasn’t quite settled into the idea. He mostly avoids calling them anything, which Steve admittedly prefers to the insults with which Rose once addressed him.)

“It is about my work, a bit,” Peggy says carefully. “Your father and I moved years ago because Uncle Howard and I were starting an office in New Jersey. But part of my job has always been working with our elected officials and my colleagues in Washington - that’s difficult when we don’t live nearby.”

“What Mom does is very important,” adds Steve. “When she needs to go away for meetings - I know it’s hard for all of us. And we decided that it might be easier for us to all be in Washington together.”

“We’re moving?” asks Nate, more clarification than anything.

Rose’s hands echo him explosively. “We’re moving?! What about our friends and our school? What about Nana and the aunts and uncles, everyone? I don’t want to leave our house!”

Emma looks between them all, flighty curls shivering as her head turns. She looks down at her own lap before she adds, “Everything will change if we move.”

“Some things will stay the same,” Peggy says. “You will have school and friends - new school, new friends. Our family, that will still be the same. You’ll still do chores.” That actually teases out a bit of laughter.

“But some things will be different.” Steve moves his gaze to each of them in turn. He catches Andi’s eye last. He leans forward. He’s practiced this; his ASL is still not entirely fluid, and probably won’t ever be, but he wants to be clear. “Here is something that might seem different. When babies are born, we make guesses about what kind of people they will be when they grow up. Some are right and some are wrong. But when we make guesses - we can push people to be different than they want to be. Maybe we think we’re right or maybe we forget to ask how they feel.”

“I don’t understand,” Rose says, flicking the sign beside her shaking head, mouth puckered downward. “Why is this about moving?”

“Because when we move, I am going to be a sister instead of a brother and you should all call me s-h-e. Everybody thought I was a boy and pushed me to be a boy and told me it was not allowed for me to be different but that was wrong - Dad says, and also Mom. Some people might still be mad if they find out, but when we go to Washington, I am going to be a girl named A-n-d-r-e-a .” She spells out the new name; who knows if she will keep her old name sign or take on a new one. Then she adds, shoulders firmly set but not stiff, “Everybody should call me D-r-e-a. I decided.”

Rose has questions. Emma has quieter, more hesitant ones. Peggy and Steve begin trying to answer them as best they can. Nate leans his head onto Drea’s proud shoulder, tucks Edward more tightly against his side, and lets his eyes fall shut.

The three girls make their feelings about the move apparent: Rose clearly displeased, Emma worried but with some interest, Drea boldly excited. Nate listens to the others but keeps his own counsel about how he feels. So, after days of watching him for clues, Steve simply asks him.

It is a hot morning and they are walking together into town on a few errands: dropping off some library books, picking up more tape for the boxes even now piling up back at the house. Steve waits until they are past the toy store and its many distractions before he asks, “What do you think about us moving someplace new?”

Nate tilts his head. “I don’t know yet. Maybe it will be scary, but I think it will also probably have good parts. That was what happened when Drea and me came to this home.” Steve realizes with a pang that Nate, just turned four, has already lived in three different places. He puts a hand onto Nate’s shoulder and squeezes a little. Nate looks up at him. “But we aren’t there yet, so I don’t know how it will feel.”

“It’s okay to not know,” Steve tells him as they come to the corner and wait for the cars to pass.

Nate responds, “I know that,” and laughs at his own joke. Steve laughs with him, watching that sweet, gleeful face, not caring that he is stopped in the middle of the sidewalk.

“I think it’s our turn, Daddy,” Nate says, taking Steve’s hand so he will notice that the cars are stopped for them. “Daddy, look, it’s our turn to go.”

Steve swallows. He smiles. “Yes, it is,” he says, and keeps ahold of Nate’s hand as they cross the street together.

The house Peggy found in Maryland could fit their old place in twice and still have room left over. Rosie has maintained an impressive sulk through their return from Maine, all of the packing, their various goodbyes, and the drive down south, but even she drops the attitude to race through the new space and argue about who gets which room.

Steve, unpacking bags from the car, keeps glancing up to take in the bits and pieces of this new place, the things he missed in the pictures that Peggy brought back: the windows, all of them, everywhere, and their shutters; the heavy wooden door which hangs open into the summer air so that he can hear the kids screaming excitedly from room to room; the path and the lush areas of the yard which will be perfect for flowers in beds and borders.

He feels a hand on the small of his back. Peggy, who slides an arm around him and presses her mouth to the side of his neck, holding there for a moment.

“How long do you think we’ll be waiting,” she asks, “until someone comes along offering a pound cake and hoping for some gossip about the new neighbors?”

“Well,” he says, sliding an arm around her waist, “we have trees, probably a mile of driveway, and I think we are officially on the outskirts of town. So I'd say we'll have at least fifteen minutes to ourselves.”

“Sounds lovely,” she says. “Some time to settle in, just the family.”

“Just the family,” he repeats. He could mention that it’s just been the family for the two day drive from Jersey. Instead he glances at her, leans back a little to take in the house beneath the broad blue of the sky, beginning to be filled with the voices of their children, the joy and life and everything that they can bring to this place. He holds her against him. Just them, just all of them here together, here at the heart of things.

More chapters here

#Steggy #Steggy fic #Steve Rogers #Peggy Carter #the Carter crew #things left behind fic #hey it's The Kids!#despite all the edits and fiddling I think you can somewhat tell that this written earlier on #notes and sources in the AO3 posting

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