#The Nitpicker's Guide

[timegears-moved]

fire temple confusing :(

[mekatrio]

?????

[b2cute]

What’s your problem?

rough dom!matt x fem!reader

notes: this is my first smut so please lmk your thoughts!! send any requests ☁️

warnings: obv smut, degrading, pet names, fem receiving, p in v, cover it before you smother it,chocking, slapping, arguing, angst to smut to fluff, i think that’s all

enjoy 😊

word count: 2,460

*y/n’s pov*

*beep beep beep*

the loud sound coming from beside me causes me to jolt up and widen my eyes. i check the time.

3:46 a.m.

i stormed back into matt’s room after an argument we had. nick and i went out for dinner at boa and i came home to a cranky boyfriend that decided to his take anger out on me. instead of fixing the issue, we both agreed to ignore eachother for the rest of the night.

i go on my phone for about 20 minutes before my stomach growled at me. i decided to head over to the kitchen and fix up some cereal.

“look who decided to show their face to world! everyone welcome y/n to earth” matt snarks sitting at the dining table, paralleling the kitchen. i roll my eyes at the comment he made considering chris and nick went to sleepover at madi’s house leaving the house to just us.

“don’t be a brat just because you exhausted yourself in my bedroom.”

again. what is up with these rude comments?

“seriously matthew, can you act normal for 5 fucking seconds? you turned twenty months ago, act like it and quit being immature” i snap. my stomach gurgling louder as i pour cinnamon toast crunch in a bowl. i reach for the milk in the refrigerator and pour it into the bowl as i join matt across the dining room chair he’s sitting in.

silence

i bring my knees up to my chest as i eat the cereal looking up at the light flashing from my hand as i scroll endlessly on my phone. matt continues journaling and i can’t help but notice his veins appearing through his arm as he wrote quickly. his black tank top and gray sweats don’t help my imaginations, but i quickly snap out of them considering he’s being an asshole.

“hmm, so you have an attitude and staring a problem y/n?”

that’s was my final straw. i quickly slam the now empty cereal bowl into the sink and practically sprint upstairs to nicks bedroom and slam the door. i wasn’t going to spend another second with him until he sorted himself out.

i crawled into nicks silk sheets and bring the blanket up to my chest. i stayed in the bedroom with my back turned from the door. i wasn’t crying. i was frustrated. but that’s the thing with matt. he never admits he’s wrong.

*matts pov*

*slam*

she was being such a brat and i don’t even know why. it was like y/n wanted to get me worked up. i had already gotten into a shitty argument with laura and the managing team about the “lack of effort” i put into videos and her attitude made the situation way worse. i gave her a bit of time before i start to head upstairs. i knock on the door, no answer.

i slowly open the door to see y/n on her phone with her airpods in. she glances at me with an expression i cannot read.

did i seriously mess up that bad? i couldn’t have.

“cmon y/n let’s go to my room and sort this out.”

she takes her airpods out and returns them to the case. “okay.” i walk over to the side of the bed and take her forearm as i guide her downstairs, her following my steps. as i open the door to the room she enters, closing the door behind her and locking it.

*y/n’s pov*

we sit on matt’s bed, facing eachother. i could see his angry expression through his face, but he was trying to hide it.

“look y/n i don’t know what’s up with you, but you need to sort it out, okay? i’ve had a bad day already and your nitpicking isn’t making it any better.”

he’s got to be serious.

“my nitpicking?!” i say raising my voice. “from the second i walked into the door you have shown me nothing but disrespect. you’re being ignorant and selfish matt” my eyes burning from the emotions.

“im not the one who locked themselves in my room to avoid the situation now did i, y/n. now you’re going to get rid of that fucking attitude and quit raising your voice or el-“

“or else what?” i snap, raising my voice even higher.

matt lets out a sigh, almost like an “i told you so” breath. “you asked for it.”

before i could process what he meant, his tattooed covered arm reached to my throat and neck, giving it a squeeze. “you want to act like a fucking slut, then you’re going to take me like a fucking slut.” he growls pinning me to the headboard. his eyes were coated black with a small ring of blue. the hunger on his face growing by the second.

*slap*

“answer me slut, how are you going to take it?”

i was so shocked i didn’t know what to say, but i had to admit, i kinda liked it.

another slap.

“like a slut” i whimpered from the stinging on my left cheek.

“good, you’re going to listen to everything i say and don’t even think about cumming with asking me.”

i nod vigorously.

before i can speak, matt’s lip attach to mine quickly. his tounge explores my mouth as he quickly dominates me. he bites on my bottom lip as he slowly moves to my cheek. then my jaw.

soft moans are leaving my mouth as i tug on his brown locks. “fuck matt just like that” i say squeezing my eyes shut. “yea? you like it when i mark you whore?”

i nod quickly. “use your words or i’ll stop” matt growls between kissing my neck. “yes matt i love it”

i was a moaning mess. matt continued to suck, bite, and lick my neck. he left marks that were going to stay for weeks, maybe even longer.

matt quickly disregards his top and not long after comes to rip mine off. “hm, no bra tonight?” matt smirks before taking my right tit to his mouth. he swirls his tounge around and lightly nibbles it while taking the left and pinching my nipple with his long fingers.

“nnngh it feels so good but i need more matt” i whine underneath him. he pauses his movements and look back at me. “such a needy slut y/n” he replies.

before i could say anything else, he pulls me towards him using while hooking his arms underneath my thighs. matt rips my wide legged sweats off leaving me in just my panties. his face was so close to my throbbing pussy that is could feel his warm breaths on my puffy clit.

“you’re soaked y/n” matt growls.

*slap*

his hand slapped my folds. i let out a pornographic moan from the impact. “who does this pussy belong to?” “you matt, all you”

he chuckled through the whimpers i let out and finally takes my panties off. wasting no time, matt comes in contact with my clit and sucks on it so harshly. his hands came up to my tits, pinching and kneading them.

“mm-matt oh MY GOD” i screech. if he kept this up i would orgasm in no time.

matt stops sucking and lets go of my tits only to use one hand to spread my folds out more and the other hand vigorously rubs my clit.

i started to scream. it felt so good. “MATT UMPH SO GOOD” the knot in my stomach begging to release. “please let me cum” i plead getting hungrier by the second.

“go ahead let it out angel” matt says. with that i quickly release all over the sheets, but this doesn’t stop matt from continuing. “too much matt, i can’t tak-“

“whether you like it or not, you’re going to take it slut. you want to keep arguing with me, this is what you get. shouldn’t have got me so worked up y/n” matt argues. i couldn’t say anything as my swollen clit was getting thrown everywhere.

he finally lets go and i quickly close my legs together. my legs were shaking and i had tears rolling down my cheek. suddenly, i feel matt’s arms separate my legs. “did i fucking say i was done?” i nod my head no, slowly but enough to answer his question. “answer my question y/n”

“n-no you did not” i plead, my eyes and face swollen from the tears due to the overstimulation i was receiving. “yea that’s what i thought”

matt sticks his middle and ring finger into my cunt and wastes no time pumping in and out of me. he lowers his head more as he returns to my clit, nibbling and kissing it. “mmph matt” my hands tug at his messy curls. his eye brows were brushed in every direction and his cheeks were painted with a light pink. he continues pumping into me as my back arches. i was on the verge of passing out due to his movements. i felt his fingers curl up and find my sweet spot.

matt continued to hit my g-spot and i felt the familiar knot return. “C-CLOSE” i whisper being worn out. “hold it.” matt snaps. the blue in his eyes completely disappeared. i couldn’t take it anymore, but i didn’t want it to stop.

matt continues to thrust his fingers into my pussy and rub harshly on my clit as i scream. not taking it anymore, i release all over his fingers.

“didn’t i tell you that you couldn’t cum yet?” matt mumbled. “ c-can’t hold any l-longer” i say as my body is worn out. i feel my body go limp as matt removes his fingers out of my pussy. he gets up and shifts so he’s sitting on the bed. i couldn’t open my eyes but i felt his move up again, this time lifting me up. he places me on his desk chair and throws my legs over each arm chair.

“since you can’t follow simple rules like a good girl, you’re going to take it one more time, and if you don’t hold it, well… i can go all fucking night.” matt snarks. i quickly shoot my eyes open in fear. the thought of going all night sounded intriguing, but i couldn’t even handle two orgasms.

i nod slowly at matt’s remarks and feel his swollen lips come in contact with my neck. his kisses were soft, but passionate. i moan softly at the sudden sensation and my hands reach for his hair one more time. matt begins to slide is gray sweatpants off along with his dark blue boxers. his dick is swollen and his tip was a harsh pink shade, leaking with precum.

with one quick touch, matt slips right into me, considering how wet i was. without letting me adjust matt begins to pound into me. one of his hands crept to my throat giving it a light squeeze while the other hand went to my clit once again rubbing and pinching harshly. “AH i’m t-too sensitive!” i scream my hand quickly trailing to matt’s wrist in attempt to move it away from my lower half. i quickly regret the action when matt’s hand squeezes my throat tighter.

“don’t even think about doing that again” matt says as he continues to push in and out of me. “s-sorry i just can’t take a-anymore” i cry. my face was red and the tears were everywhere. “yes you can. you will.” matt says. after a couple minutes of matt’s actions he lets out a groan. “fuck y/n, i’m close” matt says. both his hands come on either side of the desk chair as he pounds into me. the brown haired boys eyes were screwed shut and his eyebrows furrowed. “m-me too” i manage to say using every last bit of energy in me. “can i please cum matt?” i beg. i’ve been holding it since he began thrusting into me. “do you think you deserve it” matt mumbles. i nod my head quickly before he says “go ahead, cum you whore.”

without waiting any further, i release for the third time that night. matt rails me through my high before he finally reaches his climax. he releases long white strings into my as he removes his cock from inside of me.

finally catching my breath, i feel matt’s present leave the room before he comes back in.

*matts pov*

i return to the room with a towel and water for y/n. she was collapsed on the chair, her legs still spread as both our cums we’re seeping out of her. i walk over and clean her up gently. she winces at the touch and grabs my biceps for support. i smirk at her struggle to open her eyes. i smirk at her struggle to open her eyes. she mumbles something but it was almost inaudible. “speak up baby” i say as i begin to change the sheets. “can’t move” is all y/n can get out of her soft lips.

i quickly finish putting the new sheets on and throw the old ones in the wash. i walk over to my drawer and take out a pair of my boxers and a ransom t-shirt for y/n. picking her up gently, i place her on the bed and lift her legs up to skips the boxers on. i lift her back up and her head quickly fad on my chest and i attempt to put the t-shirt over her head. after i dress her up i walk over and change into a new pair of boxer and blue plaid pajama pants. i grab my hair brush and walk over to y/n.

“you’re hairs a mess baby let me brush it” i chuckle. y/n lets out a soft hum as i brush her beautiful hair . once im finished, i put the hairbrush on the nightstand and lift the covers as i pick y/n up and slips her underneath them. i plant a kiss on her forehead before walking onto the other side of the bed and getting in.

after a moment of silence y/n mumbles “does this mean your not mad at me anymore?” i let out a laugh before replying to her. “of course i’m not mad at you baby i couldn’t even if i tried.” with that, i grab y/n and she throws her legs and arms over me. her head was snuggled in the crook of my neck and i leaned my face at the top of her head as i plant a kiss there.

“my sweet girl, get some rest my love”

taglist: (comment here to be on it)

@mattsleftnipple03 @ilovemenwithlonghairr @mangoposts @guccifrog @lovingmattysposts @sturnioloenthusiast @lolasturniolo @sophssturn @sstvrnioloo @n00dl3zzz

[444rockstargf]

"riding the ride." | spencer reid

get free. - lana del rey

⊹₊⋆ synopsis: it was a win-win for you. you could finally shut spencer up, and managed to get a good orgasm too.

fill out the taglist form!

female!reader x spencer

word count: 1.6k

contents: cunnilingus, cum-eating, snowballing (inverted), not proofread

date night. the one night a week where neither of you were working late and finally had the chance unfold in each other’s arms.

as cool breeze blew through the living room window as you flipped through tv channels, spencer’s arm wrapped around your torso as you rested your head on his chest. “what do you feel like watching tonight?” you asked, his thumbs rubbing slow circles onto your flesh. “i don’t mind, baby. i’m not picky.” you nodded, clicking the down button on the remote and landing on a reality show.

spencer hissed and you looked back at him. “what’s the matter?” you asked. “i don’t mind it, but i’m just worried about you. you know i found a really intresting article about reality tv. statistics show that around 47% of people use them as guilty pleasures and 92% of that is the female population who admit that they feel pressure to conform to the unrealistic beauty and relationship standards portrayed in the shows. besides, everything is one-hundred percent staged anyway.”

with each word he spoke, you felt braincells getting killed off in your brain. you nodded, consdiering what he said. “alright then. no reality tv, got it.” you scrolled further down the tv guide, landing on a horror film this time. but he spoke again. “are you sure you wanna choose that, babe? horror movies have been proven to desensitize viewers to violence, major disturbances and other dangers, which may all end up messing up your perception of risks.”

you felt your eye twitching as he droned on. you decided to find something that he couldn’t nitpick and analyze. you click on a weather forecast. boring, monotonous, but no dangers in sight. or so you thought. “did you know tha-” you rolled your eyes, snapping at last. “god, don’t you ever get tired of working that mouth of yours?” 

you squirmed at how provocative the statement came out. surprised at your outburst, spencer smiled proudly. “i have yet to, darling.” his arm tightened around your waist, pulling you in even closer to him. you rose an eyebrow, eyes narrowing at him ever so slightly. “is that a challenge, spence?” he caught a glimpse of the cheeky grin on your face in the corner of his eye. 

as the weather man blabbed on in the background, your face lit up as an idea popped into your head. you clicked the off button on the remote, making the tv screen turn black. you crawled so that you were fully sat on his lap, your hands starting to play with his hair as you whispered in his ear. “i’ve got a better idea for date night…”

spencer reid, the human computer who could sense even the slightest change in atmopshere seemed to be having a malfunction as you gently pressed his face into your chest. his breath heat up, the warmth seeping throug the thin fabric of your tank top. you moved your hips against his lap, taking the air from his lungs. “how about i put that tongue of yours to good use..?”

it was at this moment that he knew he was powerless. his hands were at your waist, clinging to them like he was afraid to let you go. his eyes trailed down to where your two body connected, taking in the sight of your legs in those little pajama shorts. he brought his hand down and began twirling the drawstring between his fingers, gazing up at you with those deep brown eyes. he tugged at the waistband, silently begging for the shorts to come off. you grinned, seeing that he was finally lost for words. “use your words, spence…” you never thought you’d have to tell spencer to speak, but here you were, watching as he struggled to formulate basic english.

he pressed his chin into your soft chest, muttering under his breath. “can you take ‘em off, hon..?” his biceps flxed slightly under his t-shirts as his grip tightened. you dug your thumbs under the waistband of your shorts, giving him a teasing glance of your bare hips and listening to his breath hitch.

you grinned as his eyes widened like saucers at the sight of your panties. “why don’t you lie down for me, spence.” he nodded, following your command in an instant like an obedient puppy. you stood up from the couch, his eyes glued to your body as you finally took off your shorts, letting them fall to the ground before kicking them off your feet.

the tension in the room grew thick enough to cut through as you lowered yourself onto his chest, not wanting to move too fast. spencer was panting like a dog, eyes triling down to where you cunt with covered by that pesky little strip of fabric. he longed to tear it with his teeth, to finally have access to the honey between your legs.

you slowly rose up once again, crawling slowly until you were hovering over his face. spencer’s mouth watered at the area of saturated fabric that was the perfect telltale of your arousal. your hips swayed slightly, hypnotizing him and making that familiar sizzle burn in this grey sweatpants.

a taste of heaven was just a touch away, and he didn’t know how much longer he could wait. you took a deep breath. “a-alright, just lemme know when you’re rea-” he couldn’t bear the torture any longer. he grabbed your ass, tearing off your panties and connecting his lips with your dripping cunt. 

completely taken by surprise, you yelped, gripping the couch cushion as your whole body tensed. he was going at it like a starved dog, his tongue greedily lapping up all your juuices as he tossed the leftover fabric of your panties to the side, his hands kneading the soft flesh of your ass as he flicked his tongue over your puffy clit.

he groaned deeply as he finally tasted you, desperate to have you. his pulsating cock twitched in his pants, begging to be let free. he bucked his hips into the air, moving against anything he could. “you taste so good, baby…” he muttered into your pussy, moving a hand down to rub quiet circles on your clit.

you tossed your head back in pleasure, grinding against his face as he found the perfect rhythm between his tongue and his fingers. he jutted his tongue in and out of your hole, hasilty bringing a hand down to his sweatpants and needily palming himself through the plush fabric. the contact made his vision go starry, the abundance of pleasure doing wonderful things to his head.

he snaked his hand into his pants, whipping out his precum-glazed cock. the tip was red and swollen from being neglected for so long. he gave himself a few lazy strokes, more focused on your right then than anything else. 

his tongue ventured deep inside of your hole, desperate to taste every fold and crevice. you were sure that he wasn’t even breathing at this point. he was completely drunk off the taste of your body. he pumped his cock at a more rapid pace, feeding his moans into your core and sending powerful vibrations through you.

the base of his hand slapped against his balls each time he went back down, his thumb ghosting against his tip when he came back up again. the living room filled with the succulent noises of him devouring you like your were his last meal.

your back arched as he suckled your hard pearl between his lips. you attempted to rise up from his face to let him have a breath of air, but he gripped you even tighter. “c’mon baby, i’m not done yet…” he had your cum pouring down his neck, grool bubbling from his lips and nostrils. he was making an absolute mess of you, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

his hips violently thrusted into his fist as the sounds of your moans and whimpers fueled his desire even more. he growled into you, eating you up like a starved predator who had finally caught its prey. your legs clenched aorund his head, nearly suffocating him. you rode his face rapidly, tits bouncing through your tank top.

the sight from above made him run wild. he moved his hand from your hip, sneaking it under your shirt and starting to knead your breasts, toying with your hard nipples.

you were so close to reaching such a satisfying climax. every nerve in your body was responding to his intimate touch, never wanting him to stop. your hands grabbed his hair as the band in your stomach snapped, utnring you into a screamed mess as thick white liquid cascaded out of your pussy.

he hungrily lapped up every last drop, not wanting to let a single drop go to waste. his cock had ejaculated hot strings of cum so far that they had hit your back, painting you like a piece of art. he took his time finished you off like the last scoop of a sweet dessert before finally letting you off his face. as you got back to your feet, he sat up and pulled you into a sloppy kiss, feeding your cum into your mouth and groaning softly. “...see how good you taste, my love..?”

your lips began to swell at how deeply he took you in, the heat in your body reaching an all time high. after several long minutes, he pulled away from you, a string of saliva connecting you two before breaking. he looked down, seeing the cummy mess on his t-shirt. but it was nothing compared to what streamed down his neck. you giggled softly, patting him on the cheek. “such a messy boy…”

he stood up from the couch, picking up your shorts for you. “how about we take this date night to the shower? would you like that, baby?” you smiled, nodding as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder. he walked away with you, a smle on his face and a sticky mess flowing down your inner thighs.

author's note: thank you everyone for 1,000 followers! never thought i'd live to see the daythat i reach my longest goaal

[ancientgoddessofegypt]

What Do People Like About You? Pick A Pile Reading. Groups (1-5)

What do people like about you? Pick a pile 1-5 Left (1-3) Right (2-4) Bottom (5)

PILE 1 - 'THE LEADER, THE STAR, THE ORACLE'

Your a star! You have a strong aura and people flow right to it. You have an energy to you that inspires me to do more. Others are motivated and inspired by not just your work ethnic, but the power you contain and how you easily express yourself. You don't care about what the next person is thinking. You just do it!

What you need to know? Proving to others that you're the shit does not need to happen! Others can be intimidated and will try you pull you down just so they can pull themselves up. It's okay, your ship won't take because another individual couldn't look into the mirror. Let it go. Be yourself. You're magic.

Signs - Aries, Leo, Aquarius, Libra , Capricorn Placements.

Animals - Monkeys, Swans, Parrots, Butterflies.

PILE 2 - ' HOPE. A DREAMER. THE MYSTIC'.

Your aura is magnifying. Hypnotizing. Eccentric. People gawk at you from afar, even when you're not noticing. Angels & Spirit guides are all around you're aura n' people take a liking to your energy. You just have this mystifying presence and you could also be really good at knowing/seeing things others typically wouldn't find out. Which makes you quite interesting. You have this quiet cool persona, very jazzy, stay out the way type of person. But listen, we see you ok? Could be an artist or someone who's very soft in your personality but very cute and open to conversation.. when they wanna be! <3

What you need to know? Best believe we love what you got on!!!! Your outfits, your style, makeup, jewelry girl EVERYTHINGGG looks good on you! You just have it going on ok? So don't feel bad and stop nitpicking at yourself!!! K? <33

Signs - Scorpio, Pisces, Cancer, Taurus, Gemini Placements.

Animals - Frogs, Cattle, Kittens, Shrimp.

PILE 3 - 'THE SUCCESS, THE MOTIVATOR, THE ONE WHO GOT IT ALL!'

You're a dream come true to people. People LOVE you because you are a powerhouse. You put a lot of effort into getting where you are and you enjoy putting the work in. Even when its hard, you don't quit. You have this powerful energy that brings people to there knees, and forces them to look within and find ways to do better. Beyonce Energy. You have the perfect smile and you radiate warmth.

What you need to know? Choose yourself. Don't let everyone into your space. People can be users at this time, especially because they know they could benefit off of you. If you be quiet about some of the things you possess, or any wins you make early on, the better the flow & the blessings. Choose yourself. Repeat it to yourself. Your energy is not to be toyed with. Be open to more companions this era! You're the hottest thing out right now mami ;)

Signs - Virgo, Leos, Taurus, Libra Placements.

Animals - Chickens, Lions, Bears, Tigers.

PILE 4 - 'THE ILLUMINATOR. THE SHINER. THE SUN.'

You are the moment. The world truly revolves around you, doesn't it? People like to be around your presence, it just makes them glow more when their around you. You're like Regina George, its the aura. Not that your a mean girl, but I mean... you could be! You get your way a lot, or you can make a way when there isn't one. People like you because your vibe gives them a sense of familiarity and you just feel good to the spirit. You could be very popular or aspire to be. People know of you before you even think of them or meet them for yourself. Could have a lot of stalkers especially people who watch you verrrrry often on social media. Your light is just amazing, so I can't blame them.

What you need to know? You have a dark power to you. The one that magnetizes anything it touches. You could be a celebrity if you wanted, don't hide from the spotlight. You've got a gift that could need tuning, but you're learning to accept yourself because this is what people need and they LOVE it. Have a blessed day!

Signs - Sagittarius, Virgos, Leo, Scorpio, Cancer, Aquarius Placements.

Animals - Bats, Moose, Tigers, Black Cats, Elephants, Ants.

PILE 5 - 'THE ORIGINATOR. THE ONE WHO STARS IT ALL.'

You're aura is sensational. People take to you because of your unique qualities you possess. You're not for everybody, and nor do you try to be. You have a healing presence that some people it kind of shocks them, they can't help but to fall in love or to hate. No in between. It's very interesting really. People like you because you're energy is a gift. Its highly valuable. Some people like you from a distant because they know they couldn't 'keep' you or something about you is too much for them. OR they feel is though they aren't enough for you. You have a very strong aura and can push boundaries easily and people like you for how bold you are. You shake shit up even when the earthquake is already starting its power trip. You're a force of nature.

What you need to know? You have a gift that needs to be nurtured. You we're brought to earth to follow your dreams, and focus on the desired path. Your energy is in need of a shift and you should cut out any foods and drink that isn't serving the body good. Be more open to physical activity, and go slow with it. I see something totally different from the usual workout routines and such. Find something that feels like 'you'. Hope this helps :)

Signs - Geminis, Aquarius, Leos Placements <3

Animals - Lizards, Goats, Owls, Dolphins, Sea Creatures. <3

[guess-my-next-obsession]

An Elementary drabble idea 🫶🏻

Joel coming home in a sour mood after a long and frustrating and just plain tiring day at work, but all of that immediately melts away when hears Reader and Sarah laughing and then spots them playfully dancing in the living area / kitchen / outdoor patio / wherever (lol). And he watches them for a minute, soaking in the precious moment, until they notice him and pull him in on the dancing that leaves the three of them in a happy, playful little mess. And… yeah :’)

Thank you!

A Hard Day

pairing: pre-outbreak!joel miller x f!reader (Elementary-verse)

rating: F (irritable joel but only for a split second, joel attempts a twerk, just ridiculous fluff what can i say)

wc: <1k

series masterlist | joel masterlist

It had been a while since someone had managed to cut through the thick layer of peace your love had built around his heart, but today someone did it. It was the goddamn city inspector, of course, those fuckers having nothing better to do than nitpick over every possible fault. Joel had gritted his teeth all afternoon, holding his tongue so that they could pass the inspection only for the guy to fail them over an non-permitted deck the owners paid Joel under the table to build.

Now, walking into the house, he was afraid he was going to bring this anger home to the two most undeserving ladies in the world. He felt it in his bones, his snappiness brewing, surely bound to spill over onto you once you inevitably pressed him for answers.

He didn’t find either of you in the living room or kitchen like he expected, but he heard Sarah’s boom box outside playing her new Destiny’s Child cd she’d just gotten for her birthday. He felt irritability bubble in his chest, constricting his breath as he walked over to the patio door, finding you spinning Sarah around on your finger.

As if your laughter carried some sort of magical property to it, he felt every sour feeling in his body burn to ash as he watched the two of you giggle in between singing along off-key to Bills, Bills, Bills.

He leaned against the frame of the sliding glass door and crossed his arms over his chest, a content smile replacing the scowl he’d worn since noon as he watched the performance like a true fan.

When you caught his eyeline, he shot you a wink, expecting you to smile and go on dancing but you had other ideas. Sauntering over to him with your arms stretched out, you unfolded his arms from over his chest and tugged him onto the patio, forcing him to become a part of the performance.

“Nah, I—“

“Dance and I’ll give you a blowjob,” you whispered in his ear and Joel instantly became enthusiastic.

You and Sarah cackled, doubled over as you watched Joel shake his hips to the music, his lips puckered and eyes closed as he moved. When he started to attempt a twerk, you lost it, shaking your head at him as you laughed breathlessly. You walked over and guided his hips to stop, but secretly used the opportunity to slip his wallet and cellphone from his back pocket so that you could…

Splash.

Joel’s body hit the sun-warmed water of the pool with a splat as you pushed him in, Sarah gasping before she let out another breathless laugh. When he rose to the surface, shaking out his hair and smoothing his palms over his wet face, his eyes found you, full of pride and mischief as you knelt down by the edge of the pool to greet him.

“Thought that was funny, huh?” he asked, a half-smirk on his face. “You forget, I got an assistant to do my dirty work for me.”

“Huh?” Before you could even get the sound out, Sarah was pushing you over the edge and into the pool, Joel’s boisterous laughter sounding out long before you emerged from below the surface. When you did, you shot Sarah a betrayed, open mouthed smile, watching as she innocently shrugged before jumping in the water to join the three of you, all of you in your street clothes but none of you caring.

Joel splashed you with some water as he approached you for his homecoming kiss, only to get stopped by your palm pressing against his lips.

“You started it,” he mumbled against your skin before giving your palm a nip. Giggling, you decided he was right and lowered your palm to give him a sweet peck.

“How was work?” you asked as he hugged you tight to his body and swam with you to the middle of the pool. Sarah had busied herself with floating around the two of you on her back, at peace with the water and summer breeze blowing over her.

“Don’t get me started,” he sighed, hugging you tighter as you watched Sarah pass the two of you, her eyes closed to block out the sun. “But I don’t think any of it matters any more. Not when I have you two to come home to.”

“Even if I pushed you into the pool?” you asked with a cutesy smile, Joel’s half-smirk turning into a grin of pure affection.

“Even then,” he confirmed, giving you one more quick kiss. “And good luck gettin’ me out. I think I threw my back out tryin’ to shake my ass.”

“Why do you think I stopped you?”

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[killakirby]

‧͙⁺˚･༓☾　late night flying　☽༓･˚⁺‧͙

notifications ☽︎: feelings of inadequacy, stress, near death experiences, na'vi body descriptions, fem!na'vi!reader, sully's being teases

developer's notes ☽︎: hey i did say it would be out around this time :/ i'm doing my best. first work on tumblr since like 2016 be kind i'm supplying my thirst. i was just checking the word count to paste it here, and i genuinely thought lo'ak's was shorter than neteyam's, i was wrong 💀 prepare yourself, it's a novel lmao and yes this is a reminder that i consider these drabbles. also if you find yourself loving this work send me an ask for a request and i'd be thrilled to fulfill it!

much love, <3 kirby !!!

⋆☾ NETEYAM SULLY - 1.8k words

it’s difficult for neteyam to have the time and energy to be an impulsive and disobedient kid like his brother. he spends most of his time shadowing his parents learning how to lead or chasing after his younger siblings and making sure that in their shenanigans they don’t get hurt. so, most of the time he’s only disobedient when he’s making sure his siblings are safe, which is honorable and cute. neteyam is also disobedient when he finds himself wanting to spend more time with you.

the fifteen years neteyam has been living, he’s constantly had people tell him that he’s a perfect son. that he’s smart, compassionate, strong; that he's going to be a great warrior–and a great olo’eyktan. however, he hasn’t heard that he’s the perfect son from his parents, but he doesn't have to hear it to know that they’re thinking it. he sees in how they scold lo’ak after another stupid stunt he pulled, “why can’t you try to be more careful? or, better yet, less reckless?” his dad would ask. neteyam knows the only thing lo’ak heard is, “why can’t you be more like your brother?” and it’s starting to be the only thing neteyam hears too. when he was younger he probably wouldn’t care so much about the jealous and now defeated looks lo’ak throws his way, but recently, neteyam is feeling every molecule of pressure from the village, his siblings, and his parents to continue being perfect. it doesn’t help that lo’ak has seemed to become resigned in his role of irresponsible-impulsive-brother, too, it only magnifies the pressure on neteyam to be better.

spider, lo’ak, kiri (and even tuk!), tease him for being a “goody-two shoes,” an english phrase their father had taught them. and today neteyam has had enough of hearing it. he woke up early with his father to prepare their ikran for patrol, sparred with him for hours, had his bow and flight technique nitpicked by his mother, and now he has to supervise his siblings scaling the mountains to make sure they don’t die exploring without the permission of their parents. and when they all tease him for being a “goody-two shoes,” for not wanting to venture further, he snaps. neteyam hisses and stalks his way over to the edge of the mountain, “whatever. go ahead and get involved in some dangerously stupid situation that you can’t get yourself out of and when i’m not there to save you, like i always am, have fun calling mom and dad to save your ass! and i’ll make sure to be back to enjoy seeing your dumbassess getting yelled at for your lack of brain cells, as usual.”

he calls his ikran, initiates the bond, ignores the calls apologizing and telling him to stop, and takes off into the sky. neteyam flies for what feels like minutes to him–feels the wind cascade through his braids, the cool air rushing across his skin, the sun battling the breeze to warm him, the complete understanding between him and his ikran, not needing to a single word or thought to guide. as he’s gliding through a spattering of small mountains and makes out your form and ikran ground atop of one, his curiosity gets the best of him this time, and he lands next to you. 

you’re on the ground leaning against the body of your ikran, it’s wing shielding you from the strong rays of the sun, keeping you cool. the freckles on your smooth blue-toned skin are glowing a soft white under the shade of the wing, a false replication of night. your legs are comfortably stretched-out and crossed in front of you, along with your arms crossed over your chest, your head and back resting on the warm ikran. as neteyam walks closer he sees your chest rising and falling slowly, eyes gently shut, and a look of bliss on your face. he sighs, relieved, greets your ikran with a bow of his head, and gets a welcoming coo of acknowledgment and a head shake in return, jostling your body and causing you to rouse. 

a soft groan leaves your lips, ears and tail flicking in displeasure, before your eyes flutter open and drowsily make contact with his own. you blink a few times, making a small sound of confusion, “huh?”, and your hands come up to rub at your eyes, as if seeing him here is a figment of your imagination. neteyam smiles, a warm laugh escaping him, amused by how adorable you are, even though he disturbed you from your little nap. his amusement lets you know he is in fact real, his laugh awakens the butterflies in your stomach, and your tail hides in embarrassment at being caught hiding (by him, of all people) away from everyone else, as your cheeks darken into an indigo-tinted blush. 

you shyly make an effort at eye contact and fail as you try to explain your situation to him. “i was just–”, he waves off your voice and states with a small smirk, “no need to explain yourself, it’s not like you’re in trouble with me.” you shrug, muttering a few deprecating words to yourself and are about to stand, when neteyam sits next you. he pulls his knees to his chest, arms wrapped around himself, chin resting on his knees, sighing deeply, eyes fixed ahead on the skyscape, his strikingly handsome faced furrowed with anger? stress? hopelessness?

your eyes widen, shocked at how small he manages to look. it’s incredibly rare that he allows anybody to see him this vulnerable; he’s usually impeccably composed–attractively confident and sure of himself–but the idea that he’s allowing you to see him like this is a privilege you will not take advantage of. you scooch closer to him and place a gentle hand on his shoulder and softly ask, “are you feeling okay?” there’s silence for a while before his lips parted and shut, hesitating, before he shook his head, so faintly it was almost unnoticeable. you nodded, “ do you want to talk about it?” and received a verbal response this time, “no.” with a light rasp to his voice. with another nod, you delicately squeeze his shoulder and offer comfort, “then we will not talk about it. but, if you ever find yourself needing someone to talk to, you can always come to me. the circumstances do not matter. if you want advice, i’ll do my best to advise. if you want me to simply listen, my ears will be open. if you want to sit in silence, ill sit silently with you so you are not alone.”

neteyam turns to you in disbelief at the sincerity within your words, and surprises himself with how close you are, faces only inches apart. your eyes widen and you lean back a little bit, hand slipping off his shoulder, but the earnest look in your gaze remains, trying to gauge his response to your pledge. neteyam shakes his head at you, a happy scoff escapes his lips, and he calls you stupid for resigning yourself to a one-sided promise. you put your hands on your hips and tilt your head at him, not falling for the insult. “all that matters to me is that you have someone to speak your true feelings to and not allow them to eat at you from the inside out.” neteyam observes the seriousness in your eyes, the way your ears are turned towards him, the way tension coils in your tail, the way your eyes shift from his to the ground as if you’re just now considering the possibility that he may reject your offer.

neteyam stands, and nods affirmatively, tail flicking, “okay. i do not wish to talk about it. but now as my newly designated comfort person, you have to fly with me.” he offers you his hand, and gently raises you to your feet. you giggle at him, head tilted up to meet his eyes, “there has to be a better title besides ‘comfort person’ but i’ll take it! uh…are you going to let go of my hand so we can get flying?” neteyam drops your hand, and scratches at his head, now it’s his turn for his cheeks to turn indigo. you mount your ikran, and call down to him with a smirk on your face, “trying to race?” neteyam laughs at you, goading, “when i win, don’t hurt yourself trying to eat my dust!” you kick-off getting a head start, and neteyam is quick to mount his ikran and follow you into the sky.

the challenge you had set began with adrenaline-pumped blood, heavy breathing, sharp turns, dives and peaks, free-falling, frivolous chasing after one other, the lead switching between the two of you often, screams of glee and awe when one of you pulled off an unreal maneuver–and turned into cruising instead of racing. eclipse had long since passed, somehow going unnoticed by you and surprisingly, neteyam. your gliding had turned into intertwining flight paths–swirling, flipping, mixing, turning, all synchronized as if it were a dance you two had practiced many times before. neteyam finds himself distracted from guiding his ikran, as his whole thought process becomes consumed with the image of you.

the bioluminescent freckles twinkling on your face in an unknown pattern, and he wonders if his match yours. the way you let your eyes drift shut, how your head is tilted back, how your arms raise and spread into the air as your ikran coasts through a flip in the air. a soft smile remains constant on your lips as you fly, and grows larger when you open your eyes again and turn to him. you pick up speed to overtake him, and set the path through a few cliff sides, while neteyam raises his hand to his face and realizes that he’s been grinning like a madman the whole time he’s been with you. when you two escape the maze of terrain, he coasts right next to you and sees the moonlight hit your lithe body at the perfect angle and allows himself to accept the fact that he’s falling in love with you. and then his heart drops into his stomach, his ikran shrieks and comes to a sudden stop, wings flapping frantically to remain in the same space– sending you and your ikran into a panic, as you quickly turn back to him, and worriedly question him, scared at the paled look on his face.

neteyam buries his face into his hands and silences your bewilderment by pulling a hand from his face and pointing into the sky, finally bringing your awareness to you guys messing around way past eclipse. you eyes widen and your mouth drops open, a groan of despair escaping you, and you look at neteyam, and both of you say,

“we’re so dead.”

and as you two start to race home, debating whether or not to lie about how you guys ended up losing track of time this badly, neteyam can’t help but think that any punishment he receives from his mom and dad wouldn’t matter, in light of the discovery he made today. the fact that he’s falling in love with you, and the fact that he doesn’t want to do anything to stop it.

⋆☾ LO'AK SULLY - 2k words

lo’ak’s just finished being scolded by not only his mother and his father, but also his grandmother after his latest stunt of nearly killing his younger sister, tuk, unintentionally of course. how was he supposed to know that she was going to sneeze and fall off the vines connecting the mountains plummeting to the ground only to be saved by neteyam on his ikran…again. in his anger of being banned from patrolling and flying for two weeks he sulks into the jungle and comes across you.

lo’ak retreats into the jungle after being dismissed by his father, angered and simultaneously exhausted. it’s like his parents think that he purposely tried to kill his little sister–why would he want that?? and at the bare minimum, why don’t they scold tuk for tagging along and blackmailing him all the time? “if you don’t take me, i’m going to tell” she’d singsong at him. even though he’s breaking rules anyway, they should at least tell tuk not to partake in it with him. 

he wasn’t even planning on getting in trouble today! tomorrow,he was supposed to join his parents and neteyam on checking the borders of their land, and he just wanted to share the news with his ikran. so when tuk wanted to come along to see the ikrans, he thought nothing could possibly go wrong, they’re all grouped next to their main dwelling in the mountains. he helped tuk climb to the top, and they both greeted the flock and made their way to his mount. he bring his hand to his forehead and gestures towards the animal, and tuk does the same. the ikran leans towards tuk and snorts at her gently blowing stray grass on to her face. she shrieks and giggles freely–happily, and lo’ak gently laughs at them as he bring his hand to pet the playful animal.

tuk mimics her older brother and gently pats the ikran on the snout a few times before she becomes distracted at the others milling around uninterestedly. she goes off to examine a few juvenile ikrans and lo’ak prods her, “hey! make sure to stay where i can see and hear you!” tuk nods vigorously and begins to play with the babies. lo’ak watches over her quietly for a few minutes, trying to determine whether or not any of the birds are going to try and swallow her whole, and nods acceptingly after witnessing the mature ikrans grumble and waddle away from her instead of attacking her. 

with his sister’s safety secured he turns around to face his ikran (his ears still pinned in her direction) and forms the tsaheylu with his ride–amber pupils blown wide as the bond is initiated. lo’ak loses himself in his thoughts, illustrating them for the animal, and is only shaken from it when he hears his sister sneeze, which is quickly followed by a bone-chilling shriek. his body snaps around so quickly that his braid rips from the bond, and he see his little sister fall in what seems like slow-motion. lo’ak screams her name as she falls over the edge, and instinctively reconnects with his ikran and flies over the edge to try and catch her. he’s diving straight down, gaining on her but not quickly enough for the panic and fear to subside in his chest. he’s reaching out– his hand a few feet apart from tuk’s, and he misses the first grab, the second grab, and then her body is snatched out freefall and into neteyam’s arms. 

lo’ak levels out and speeds towards them, tuk clinging onto their brother–head buried into his chest, sobs wracking her tiny form. neteyam’s hand cradles her head, and he turns to lo’ak ready to yell at him, but the expression on his younger brother’s face stops him. there’s fear in his eyes, tears running down his cheeks and he keeps trying to wipe them away but he can’t seem to stop himself from crying. neteyam smoothly guides his ikran right next to lo’ak and gently detaches tuk from his body and into his brother’s who hesitantly accepts her onto his saddle. she clings on to him crying erratically, broken “sorry’s” falling from her mouth in between sobs, and even as lo’ak comforts her pulling her close and rubbing his hand down her back in a soothing manner, the look in his eyes betrays him; that’s he's feels undeserving of her apologies. neteyam gently rubs lo’ak on the back, and does nothing besides giving him an understanding nod, and coasts in front of him to lead them home. 

“my parents only heard the fact that tuk fell, and not the fact that i feel like shit for letting that happen to her!! it’s like they genuinely think that im putting her in dangerous situations on purpose! like i find some sort of satisfaction in it! i’m not a psychopath, i’m her brother! i care about her safety more than my own! i’d literally die for tuk!” he rants to you. he stumbled across you sitting on a river bank sharpening your knife, and as soon as you saw him you cringed at his expression and asked a simple, “you going to tell me what happened this time?” and now hear you are, listening to lo’ak repeat the same argument against his parents’ for what had to be hours. you glance at the sky and see the sun beginning to bridge the horizon, eclipse will fall upon you two soon. 

for the first time you interrupt and ask, “did you tell your parents that?” lo’ak throws his hands up in the air and begins pacing back and forth exasperatedly claiming, “i tried!! multiple times! and they just spoke over me–they didn’t want to hear it! even neteyam came to my defense trying to explain for me, and they dismissed his words too!!” your eyes widened as you said perplexed, “they ignored what neteyam had to say?” lo’ak screamed, “yes!” in complete disbelief. 

“and now you’re banned from flying,” you clarify.

“yes!”

“and patrolling.”

“yes!!”

you nodded at him, “well it could be a lot worse—”

“what??! what do you mean a lot worse?! this is terrible!” he cried out.

“they could’ve banned you from flying forever,” you smirked at him.

he sighs, a petty little “not funny” escaping from him, and you laugh, letting him know that you thought your joke was funny enough. you watch him continue to pace, his body language still unsettled (you just can’t determine if it’s from his punishment, or not being enough to save his sister), his fingers rake through his braids tugging and pulling at his scalp frustratedly, and you’ve had enough when you see the deep blue skin on his hands start to lighten with the force and grasp he has on his hair. you intercept his path, place an unyielding hand on his chest holding him in place, and with a firm look on your face you demand, “stop tugging at your hair like that. you’ve spent so much time growing these pretty braids it would be a shame to see you rip them out of your own skull.”

lo’ak freezes, eyes wide and locked onto yours, as he releases his braids and his arms fall limp at his sides. he’s not sure if he stopped because he was listening to your instructions, or if because he short-circuited when you called him pretty (okay, you called his braids pretty–it’s a miniscule difference). you state confidently, “if you are not allowed to fly for the next two weeks, that does not mean that i am not allowed fly. which means that you are allowed to fly with me.” lo’ak balks at your bold statement, “uh…” hesitantly calling out to you as you step away from him (your hand just now falling from his chest, yes he noticed) and summon your ikran. he goes, “uhhhh, no! nope! i do not think that is what that means at all!” you climb onto your saddle, and plead, “lo’ak, please let me try to make you feel better. they won’t be wondering where you are until eclipse, and we only have a couple hours left before we lose daylight. fly with me one last time until you really can’t?”

he shifts his weight, battling with himself before he sighs and allows you to help him onto the back of the saddle, “alright, but only until eclipse, okay?” you cheer, and commence a quick take off, causing lo’ak to shout and hurriedly wrap his arms around your waist, and how is this the first time he’s noticed how small you are compared to him. you continue to direct your ikran upwards and into the clouds bringing him further away from his troubles on the ground.

your waist is enveloped completely by just one of his arms, and in order to make the ride more comfortable he pulls his hands backwards and just grasps carefully at the sides of your waist instead, his fingers almost close enough to touch across your stomach. it seems you’ve just become aware of the situation and he feels your breath catch, and stomach tense, but you say nothing, content to avoid addressing it and let him handle it. he sees the deeper shade to your cheeks and smiles boyishly and he knows that you know that he’s cheesing at you, but you refuse to acknowledge his amusement, keeping your eyes fixed forward but the blush becomes noticeable on your ears, and begins to spread to your chest, and he can’t stop himself from audibly laughing. in retaliation, you command your ikran into a sharp flip, and lo’ak’s gasp interrupts his laughter, and he tightens his grasp on your waist to stop himself from sliding.

when you level out it appears that night has finally overtaken day, but the both of you are too busy squealing internally at the fact that his agile, strong, trained, veiny hands are gripping your waist. the bioluminesce begins to sparkle over your body, and he merely leans back to get a better look at you. you turn to look at him and see a soft smile on his face, his eyes overflowing with feelings he has yet to speak with you about; and nevertheless, you understand completely, and you’re sure it’s reflected at him in your own gaze. you shyly face frontwards again, recognizing that you embarrassed yourself enough around him today with bold words and touches, but lo’ak does not let you hide for long. he scoots forward completely, no longer worried about maintaining the space between you. his chest envelopes your back and he leans forward to gently place a fleeting kiss on your cheek, your breath catches again. instead of teasing you as before, he pulls back–dropping one hand to the body of your ikran and allows the other to wrap across you more firmly, his hand pressing against your abdomen encouraging you to rest against him, and you breathe deeply, allowing yourself to be embraced. his chin goes to rest on your head, and you allow your ikran to guide you home, fully at ease in lo’ak’s arms. 

lo’ak gently offers, “let’s spend a little more time out here. just you and me, together.” you begin to half-heartedly reject, reminding him of the circumstances of his punishment and curfew. he waves you off, “it does not matter, you said it yourself. they can’t ban me from flying forever, what’s another week of grounding to the two i have already?” you twist to make sure of his decision, before nodding and turning around again, settling yourself even deeper and more comfortably in his hold.

you suggest to your ikran to take the longest path home.

© killakirby - piracy and plagiarism are not allowed. no reposts on any form of media.

[euorian-pdf]

PT 3 "I'm falling on my knees, Forgive me, I'm a fucking fool"

⋆｡˚୨୧˚｡⋆synopsis: Being trapped in Levi's 'family gathering' event by a snowstorm takes a unexpected turn as past hidden truth finally reveal themselves.

⋆｡˚୨୧˚｡⋆contains: modern au! everyone, grovelling!eren, connie x reader, levi x reader, eren x reader. everyone is alive and well.

⋆｡˚୨୧˚｡⋆wc: 7.9K.

⋆｡˚୨୧˚｡⋆tw: swearing, manipulation mentioned.

⋆｡˚୨୧˚｡⋆ Here is: part 1 and part 2

“Are you gonna keep staring at that window?” Mikasa asks crossing her arms as she addresses you and your attitude. You’re still facing the window contemplating which storm you’d rather be in but you remember the promise you made to your friends, that you wouldn’t leave where you currently are until the storm dies down. You tug on your shirt, fidgeting with the cotton design as you wonder how you’re going to get through this mess.

“Hello, do I know you?”

You know it’s a lame attempt but all the guests are still here and the last thing you want is for a confrontation or a fight between you and them. You see Historia scoff, Ymir smirk, Sasha gasping and a hand to her mouth as if what you just said was a grave sin, Jean unimpressed, Connie crossing his arms and raising his eyebrows in a manner of ‘are you fucking for real right now’ and Eren still staring at you, eyes mixed with multiple emotions ranging from guilt, confusion, anxiety, and yearning.

“You’re not fucking funny.” Historia begins rolling her eyes at you as she stares at you disinterested in your whole act. You constantly remind yourself to be the bigger person and not nitpick on certain sentences that rub you off the wrong way.

“I wasn’t trying to be funny, I’m Levi’s friend, it’s nice to meet you all.”

You think that maybe by continuing the act, they will eventually move on and focus on something else. But your attempt to defuse the tension only seems to make things worse. Eren's gaze intensifies with guilt, and you can practically feel the weight of his unspoken words bearing down on you.

Mikasa steps forward, her expression unreadable as she studies you. "nice sense of humor you've developed" she comments dryly.

You offer a weak smile, feeling the pressure mounting with each passing second. "Well, there's a first time for everything, right?"

Before anyone else can respond adding fuel to the tension, Levi appears in the doorway, a concerned furrow in his brow as he takes in the scene before him. "What's going on here?"

You mentally thank Levi for intervening, grateful for the interruption. Mikasa gestures towards you with a subtle tilt of her head, and Levi's gaze follows her motion. You can see the confusion flicker across his features as he tries to make sense of the situation.

"Do you know these brats?" Levi asks, his tone a mixture of curiosity and suspicion as he turns to you for an explanation.

You can't bring yourself to lie to him and tell him you don't know each other. Levi's good at reading people, especially you and you'd hate to have this go in a roundabout so you come clean and tell him.

"Knew, I don't know them anymore," you say as you clasp your hands together and nod at them. You offer a small smile, perhaps more than they deserve, but you do so anyway. Then, without waiting for any further exchange, you pick up Levi's comedy book and grab him by his elbow, gently but firmly.

"Let's head to your office for a moment," you suggest, the urgency evident in your tone.

Levi gives you a questioning look, but he trusts your judgment enough to follow your lead without protest, well other than a small annoyed 'tch'. As you guide him through the crowd, you can feel the weight of multiple gazes on you ranging from confusion to jealousy, including, his silent curiosity hanging in the air.

You don't look behind your shoulder as you leave the dining area. Once you reach Levi's office, you close the door behind you, enveloping the space in a sense of privacy. You take a moment to compose yourself, gathering your thoughts before you turn to face Levi. You hold up the satirical book in front of him and wave it around.

"Didn't know you had a bone of humor in you, Levi."

"Cut the shit."

You huff, this man never fails to know when you're flat-out lying. You pause for a moment, caught off guard by Levi's directness. His sharp gaze pierces through your facade, leaving you feeling exposed and vulnerable. Taking a deep breath, you lower the book, the playful wave forgotten in the face of Levi's seriousness.

"Okay, fine," you give up, dropping the act. "I just wanted to lighten the mood up a bit."

Levi eyes you skeptically, his expression unreadable. "And how's that working out for you?"

You sigh as you stare at his bookshelf, you don't know what to do, it's like you've hit a wall, a large hard brick wall. You know you can't keep avoiding the elephant in the room, but you also dread the thought of addressing it head-on. You turn back to face Levi, mustering up the courage to broach the subject that has been hanging over you like an unexorcised spirit.

"I want this night to go well for you and for everyone, we've spent the whole day preparing and it's gonna suck if it gets ruined from something so trivial" You begin carefully choosing your words as you fidget around with the book unable to look him in the eyes.

"I'm not following." He says back. Levi's response catches you off guard, and you struggle to find the right words to convey your thoughts without sounding too dramatic or making the situation worse.

"Sorry, I thought we were on the same page." you begin, your voice slightly shaky unable to make an 'old man' joke about Levi's understanding problems. "I had a fallout with your cousin and her friends and I really don't want to confront or be confronted so I'm trying to keep things on low profile."

Levi's brows knit together in a mixture of concern and confusion as he processes your words. He leans back against his desk, folding his arms across his chest, a thoughtful expression crossing his features.

"You had a fallout with them?" Levi repeats, his tone laced with disbelief and questioning. "What happened?"

You shift uncomfortably under Levi's scrutinizing gaze, feeling the weight of the situation bearing down on you. You knew this conversation wouldn't be easy, but you hadn't anticipated just how difficult it would be to explain yourself to Levi, someone you've grown to respect and admire. Levi sees this and he doesn't want to intrude upon you and your feelings so he interjects before you can speak

"You don't have to tell me just rank it from 1-10."

You appreciate Levi's consideration, and his willingness to give you space to process your emotions. Taking a moment to collect your thoughts, you ponder Levi's question, mentally ranking the fallout with Eren and his friends on a scale of one to ten.

"Personally, I'd say an eight." you finally reply, your voice quiet but steady. "It made me want to leave states and go no contact so it was pretty serious then."

Levi nods, his expression thoughtful as he absorbs your answer. "And how serious is it now?"

You shrug your shoulders and smile a bit though the gesture feels somewhat forced given the weight of the situation.

"Nowhere near as serious as then, probably a 5 or a 3," you answer honestly, your voice soft but resolute. "I wouldn't be as outgoing as I am if I dwelled on the past."

Levi nods in understanding, his gaze is unwavering as he listens intently to your response. He is pretty proud of you, most people aren't capable of doing such a thing which makes Levi's expression soften, a hint of admiration gleaming in his eyes as he regards you but goes unnoticed by you obviouslyThough Levi would never openly express such sentiment, especially not to your face, he harbours a quiet respect for you, tucked away in the depths of his heart. But in moments like these, when he witnesses your unwavering resolve and beautiful forgiving spirit, it's impossible for him not to feel a sense of pride in your accomplishments.

Levi nods subtly, his gaze lingering on you for a moment longer before he redirects his attention to the task at hand. Despite his outward demeanor, you can't help but feel a sense of warmth emanating from him, a silent reassurance that he's there for you, even if he doesn't say it outright.

Levi clears his throat, breaking the silence that envelops the room. "Well, regardless of the past, I appreciate you being here tonight," he says, his tone gruff, low but sincere. "So, how do you want to go about it?"

You feel your heart internally sob at Levi's soft yet gruff

"I think the best action is to just keep a low profile," you suggest, your voice calm and measured. "I'm going to avoid any unnecessary confrontation and try to enjoy the night as much as possible."

Levi nods in understanding, his gaze steady as he listens to your plan. He respects your decision, knowing that sometimes the best course of action is to minimize conflict so he keeps a mental note in his mind to step in if things get out of hand, that's the least he can do for you for inconveniencing you for all this and practically being trapped because of the snowstorm.

Levi observes your demeanor, noting the relief evident in your posture and expression. There's a glimmer in your eyes that doesn't go unnoticed by him, a silent gratitude that speaks volumes. He's accustomed to people keeping their distance, to maintaining a certain level of detachment. Your openness catches him off guard, stirring something within him that he's not entirely comfortable with but he sort of. . . likes? He likes the way you bring out emotions in him that he's long since buried, the way you challenge his deadpans and stoic nature. He's uncertain about how to process it all but in the midst of this, there's something else bubbling in his chest… curiosity.

Meanwhile in the dining room

As Levi and you converse in his office, the atmosphere in the dining room remains tense, with whispers and side glances exchanged among the 'friend group'. Jean, unable to contain his disbelief, blurts out, "She's actually here?"

The room falls momentarily silent as all eyes turn towards Jean. His outburst breaks the thin veneer of composure that had settled over the gathering, and the tension ratchets up another notch.

Eren, sitting nearby, shifts uncomfortably in his seat. His gaze flickers between Jean and the door, where he knows you and Levi are having your conversation. There's a mix of emotions swirling within him – guilt, regret, and a longing to bridge the void that has formed between you and his group of friends.

Connie, though visibly annoyed by the disruption, can't help but feel a twinge of relief at the sight of you. Despite the fallout and the unresolved issues, he's glad to see you back again, even if it's under less-than-ideal circumstances.

Sasha, ever the empathetic one, senses the tension in the air and immediately decides to take action. She pulls out her phone, shooting a quick message to Armin and the others to inform them about your unexpected appearance.

Meanwhile, Mikasa remains silent, her expression unreadable as she watches the unfolding drama. She knows that things between you and Eren's group are far from resolved, and she's unsure of what to expect next.

Connie, unable to contain his frustration any longer, rises from his seat with a pointed glare at Eren. "Must be nice," he says, loud enough for those nearby to hear, "acting like you're the victim when you're the one pulling the strings."

The room falls into an uncomfortable silence as Connie's words hang in the air, the tension palpable between him and Eren. Eren's friends shift uncomfortably, unsure of how to respond to Connie's passive-aggressive accusation. They all know it's somewhat true and that makes things even worse.

Mikasa steps forward, her voice calm but firm. "Let's not do this here," she says, her eyes darting between Connie and Eren. "We'll talk about it later when we can all sit down and have a proper conversation."

"Oh? When is that, Mikasa? When the storm dies down and [Name] is long gone?" Connie retorts back, rolling his eyes at Mikasa's usual protective behavior of Eren regardless of whether he's wrong or right.

Connie refuses to back down, his frustration simmering beneath the surface. "I'm just saying it how it is," he replies, his tone tinged with sarcasm. "We all know who's really at fault here."

Eren shifts uncomfortably in his seat, his guilt weighing heavily on him as he avoids meeting anyone's gaze. He knows he needs to say something, to address the tension that hangs in the air like a heavy fog, but the words slip past him.

"Let's not make this any messier than it already is," Jean interjects, his tone a mix of concern and exasperation.

Connie's frustration boils over as he shoots back at Jean, his voice laced with bitterness. "You're no fucking better, so zip it"

Jean's brows furrow in response to Connie's biting remark, a flash of hurt crossing his features before he regains his composure. "I'm trying to prevent things from escalating," he retorts, his voice strained but firm. "We don't need any more drama tonight."

Connie's frustration simmers beneath the surface as he takes a deep breath, attempting to quell the turmoil raging within him. He can't shake the feeling of longing that gnaws at his insides, the ache of missing you, and the camaraderie you once shared. You were more than just a friend to him; you were his confidante, his partner in crime, his rock to his roll. The image of you replaying in his mind even though you're just in another room, he's determined to bring back the bond you once had. With a sigh, he realizes that confronting Eren won't solve anything; it'll only add fuel to the fire.

Kuchel strides into the room with Carla at her side, her presence commanding attention as she surveys the scene before her. With a warm smile, she claps her hands together, her voice filled with enthusiasm.

"Alright, children," she begins, her tone light but firm. "Us elders need instructions on how to play this Gen-Z game."

Kuchel's playful demeanor brings a sense of levity to the room as she playfully teases the younger guests. With a mischievous twinkle in her eye, she takes Eren by the hand, her grip firm but gentle as she leads him toward the table.

"You're a smart one, Eren," she says, her voice filled with pride. "I'm sure you can teach us a thing or two about this game."

Eren is flustered at the unexpected praise, feeling a sense of validation from Kuchel's words. He nods pathetically, grateful for the opportunity to teach them.

As they approach the table, Kuchel turns her attention to the rest of the group, her smile widening as she takes in their eager expressions.

"Alright, everyone," she announces, her voice carrying across the room. "Let's get seated and ready to play. And where is my dear son? Oh, and pretty Miss [Name]"

The group exchanges glances, realization dawning on them as they remember Levi's absence. Mikasa speaks up, her voice tinged with concern. "They're in the office, Auntie. I'll go get them."

Kuchel nods in acknowledgment, her focus already shifting back to the game at hand. "Alright. Thank you, dear. Let's get started, shall we? They can join us later."

Mikasa doesn't eavesdrop or even linger around, she swiftly makes her way to the office, knocks loud enough for the both of you to hear and tells you 'Auntie Kuchel wants us to play a game'.

Kuchel suggests playing "Never Have I Ever," and the group reacts with a mix of nerves and curiosity. Despite the tension in the room, they all agree to give it a shot, hoping it'll help take their minds off the underlying conflicts. So far, most of the elderly family members have gone upstairs with the help of Carla as the journey here was already exhausting. So the people left huddled in a circle in the living room are just, Carla, Connie, Eren, Historia, Jean, Kuchel, Mikasa, Sasha, and Ymir.

As you and Levi enter the room, you're immediately met with a wall of tension that seems to thicken the air. The stares from Sasha and her friends feel like daggers, their unspoken feelings hanging heavy in the room.

Kuchel, ever the peacemaker, takes charge of the situation, her velvety voice cutting through the tension like a knife. "Make room, children," she commands, her tone firm but gentle. "[Name], come sit next to me, sweetie."

Relieved by the distraction, you follow Kuchel's welcome, making your way to the vacant seat beside her and Levi who also sits next to you. The warmth of her presence is a welcome respite from the tense reception you've received from the others.

Once settled, Kuchel suggests they continue their game of "Never Have I Ever," sensing the need for a lighthearted distraction. The group hesitates for a moment, still reeling from the revelations of the previous rounds, but ultimately lets it happen, as it happens to be the only thing able to break the palpable tension in the room. Little did they know.

As Kuchel suggests starting the game in a circular motion, the tension in the room thickens, a palpable weight settling over each person as she hands out paddles with text written on both sides' I HAVE' and 'I HAVE NEVER'. Historia, with her cautious yet bright smile, is the first to respond, her eyes betraying her bright attitude.

"Sure!" She exclaims clasping her hands together before thinking of a funny one. "Never have I ever Googled myself."

As Historia makes her playful admission, a small chuckle escapes the lips of those gathered around the table. Carla, with a playful glint in her eye, leans forward, her voice teasing yet affectionate.

"Well, aren't you just the little celebrity," Carla quips, her tone lighthearted. "Not all of us have the luxury of Googling ourselves without stumbling upon a million fan pages."

As the paddles flip to reveal the responses, a mix of amusement and curiosity dances in the air. Connie, Eren, Historia, Jean, and Sasha all sheepishly display their "I HAVE" paddles, their confessions met with knowing glances and playful teasing from the others. While you and the rest flip to 'I HAVE NEVER'. You feel thankful as the tension dies down, all you need is to get through this one night and finally go home.

It's now Sasha's turn. Sasha takes a moment to ponder her confession, a mischievous glint in her eyes as she considers her options. Finally, with a sly grin, she flips her paddle to reveal her chosen statement.

"Never have I ever eaten food off someone else's plate without asking," Sasha announces, her voice filled with playful mischief.

A chorus of laughter erupts around the table as everyone reveals their responses. Sasha, Jean, and Connie proudly display their "I HAVE" paddles, and their confessions are met with good-natured teasing from the others. Meanwhile, you and a few others confidently hold up your "I HAVE NEVER" paddles, relishing the opportunity to maintain a sense of innocence amidst the playful chaos.

Next, it's Jean's turn. His mind seemingly drifting away from the tension of the moment, clears his throat before settling on a confession. With a mischievous glint in his eye, he speaks up.

"Never have I ever been arrested."

You watch as Sasha, Connie, Ymir, and Eren?slowly flip their paddles to reveal the "I HAVE" side, their expressions a mix of amusement and defiance. Meanwhile, you and a handful of others maintain your innocence, holding steadfast to the "I HAVE NEVER" side.

"So, explain.."Historia nudges, her voice gentle but curious, as all eyes turn to Ymir, Sasha, Connie, and Eren, awaiting their response.

"I accidentally ate an art piece when I thought it was actual food," Sasha confesses with a sheepish grin, her eyes sparkling with amusement as she recalls the embarrassing incident.

"We were literally at a museum, you did it on purpose," Connie interjects, his tone teasing but affectionate as he playfully nudges Sasha with his elbow.

"I accidentally got arrested, someone swatted me and that caused me to get arrested while on stream, so there's that," Connie recalls.

Sasha reaches out, laying a hand on Connie's arm. "I remember that," she says softly, her voice laced with sympathy and a small chuckle. "It was so awful, you had like so many bruises after that"

Connie replies with a small 'yeah' and you feel bad, people can be real scum, you think wondering if Connie had laughed it off or dwelled on it.

"I got deliberately arrested, I punched an asshole who deserved it so no regrets" Eren confesses, shrugging as he fidgets with his bracelet, and your eyes widen as you recognize it. It's the azure frog bracelet you custom made for him on his birthday and told him you specifically found the hex color of his eyes and your eyes combined and made the bracelet with the exact same color with charms that read 'friends forever' and 'always together'.

"He's always been the rebellious type," Carla remarks with a soft chuckle, her tone tinged with fondness as she regards Eren. "Punching someone is the least of our worries if I'm being honest."

Eren shrugs nonchalantly, his expression betraying a hint of defiance. "He had it coming," he mutters under his breath, his gaze flickering briefly to you and widening as he sees you looking back at him as he immediately looks back down on the floor to prevent his stomach from churning feelings.

Kuchel clears her throat, wanting to keep the game going. "Well, isn't this a lively game?" she says, her voice light and cheerful, though you can detect a hint of concern beneath the facade. "Let's keep it moving, shall we?"

It's now Connie's turn.

"Never have I ever…" Connie seems to be in a state of indecisiveness, not knowing whether to confront you discreetly in this game or just keep it going. He decides on the former, obviously, Connie isn't Connie without stirring something up. "Abandoned my friends over a misunderstanding."

As Connie's words hang in the air, a hush falls over the table, the weight of his confession palpable amidst the tense atmosphere. His gaze lingers on you for the entire time, almost attacking you in a way, a silent challenge hidden within the depths of his eyes, before he flips his paddle to reveal the "I HAVE NEVER" side and smirks.

So does Eren, Jean, Mikasa, Sasha, Ymir, Historia, Kuchel, Carla, Levi, and obviously you. You've never done that, and you don't know what he's implying, but whatever it is, you hope he stops it.

"You should put that down, [Name]." Connie provokes, his voice low as his eyes never leave yours, he's content like this, gazing into your eyes and mentally taking a picture of how pretty you look, his eyes holding a depth of emotion that you struggle to decipher.

"I have never done such a thing, so I'll leave it up thanks." You reply firmly, your tone tinged with a hint of defiance. Despite the tension crackling between you, you stand your ground, unwilling to back down in the face of Connie's provocation.

"Are you sure?" Connie's question hangs in the air, his gaze piercing as he awaits your response. You feel the weight of everyone's stare on you as you try to understand at what he's hinting at, but you fail. It's too vague, too foggy to see clearly.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Alright, I'll change my play then," Connie replies, giving up confronting you and turning his head to the side to glare at Eren. " Never Have I Ever, made someone abandon their friends over a misunderstanding." He says emphasizing each word of the game.

As Connie redirects his question towards Eren, the tension in the room thickens once again. Eren's expression tightens, his jaw clenching as he meets Connie's gaze with a mixture of defiance and unease. The atmosphere becomes charged with anticipation, each person holding their breath as they wait for Eren's response. Eren feels guilty, yes, however, he also hates the position Connie has put him in, with no way out.

Connie starts, flipping his paddle to 'I HAVE NEVER', and everyone else follows suit Now all that is left is Eren, and his mother being his mother can't help but want to interject in between this whole ordeal but gets stopped by Kuchel who whispers something to her that calms her down and makes her rethink her judgement.

Eren hesitates for a moment, his eyes flickering with conflicting emotions. Finally, he flips his paddle to reveal the "I HAVE" side, his confession echoing loudly in the silence that follows.

"Go on then, tell the story." Connie prompts, his voice cutting through the silent and tense atmosphere like a knife. His eyes glared into Eren's side profile, sarcastic yet tinged with a hint of curiosity about how this would all play out.

"I. . ." Eren hesitates, his voice barely above a whisper as he gathers his thoughts. The weight of everyone's stare feels like a physical pressure on his shoulders, pressing him to reveal the truth, to confront the past he'd rather forget.

"It was a few years back," Eren begins, his voice strained with emotion. "I created a misunderstanding between someone close to me and the rest of my friends by manipulating an audio out of its original context, I was selfish and wanted everything about them to myself, their darkest secret, their secret hobbies, the little things that make them happy, I wanted that all to be confided in me, so I thought if I make her hate everyone else, maybe they'd promote me to being their best friend instead of just a friend."

As Eren's words hang in the air, a heavy silence settles over the room, each syllable of his confession echoing with the weight of his regret. You're practically hugging the tension by now, it's thick. You look at Eren as he pours his heart out, confessing to his crimes and hoping to be accepted again.

"And it totally backfired, The person I longed for, the person I wanted all to myself was gone within a few days, I gained nothing and lost everything," Eren continues, his voice trembling with emotion. "I let my own insecurities and desires cloud my judgment, and in doing so, I created a huge void between the friendship of many."

His admission is met with a mixture of reactions from those gathered around the table. Mikasa's expression softens with understanding, while Connie's features harden with resentment. Sasha looks on with a mixture of sympathy and disappointment, her gaze shifting between Eren and the others. You put two and two together, this is about you. This whole thing is about you,

"So yes, I did make someone abandon their friends over a misunderstanding, and yes, I dread it every day," Eren's voice wavers with the weight of his admission. His eyes flicker briefly to yours, a silent plea for forgiveness hidden within their depths, before he averts his gaze, unable to bear the intensity of the moment. "But if I had the chance to undo it all, I'd probably revert time back to when we were strangers so that I'd never be able to hurt them."

That hits you hard, you never thought he felt that way and blamed himself to that severity. You're just as awful as him, you never double-checked on your friends, you just went along with whatever Eren had manipulated leaving behind everyone. This includes Connie who looks at you to see the realisation form in your eyes and face. He smiles a genuine smile for the longest time in a while. He doesn't blame you one bit, all he wants is for you to come back.

"I'm sorry, truly. I'll head to bed first." Eren says, his voice filled with remorse as he rises from the floor. His gaze lingers on you for a moment, a silent plea for understanding evident in his eyes, before he turns and makes his way out of the room. His mother and Mikasa are quick to follow after him, this causes Historia, Ymir, and Sasha to also bid their goodnights to the Kuchel and go to their designated rooms for the night.

"Poor kids, the lot of you, hope you all figure it out peacefully." Kuchel begins before ruffling Levi's head and giving you a side hug. "I'm also a bit tired, so goodnight children."

As the others disperse for the night, leaving only Connie, Jean, you, and Levi in the room, a heavy silence settles over the space. The events of the evening weigh heavily on everyone's minds, casting a somber mood over the atmosphere.

Levi is the last to leave, mustering the courage to pat your back a bit. "I'll be in my office." if you need anything is what he leaves out but you understand, you finish it off for him in your head.

With a nod of gratitude directed to him, you watch him leave as he heads to his office. You make a mental reminder to tell him to go to bed later on.

"So now you know the truth," Jean begins, his voice somber as he looks at you with a mixture of sympathy and concern. "I'm sorry you had to hear all that tonight. It must be a lot to take in."

"Yeah a bit, but what's worse is having to see Eren blame himself that much over a trivial misunderstanding," you explain, frustration creeping into your voice.

"I'm sorry, what?" Connie scoffs, shaking his head as he looks at you with utter confusion written on his face. "Trivial? the same trivial that made you go no contact for 4 fucking years, [Name]."

"It wasn't trivial then," you admit, your voice softening as you recall the pain of those years. "Back then, my whole world was crumbling, but now it is trivial."

"Makes sense, I'm guessing you've evolved as 10 times more wonderful as you were before," Jean comments, his tone sincere as he offers you a supportive smile.

"It wasn't trivial for me, not all of these years, not one bit," Connie interjects, his voice firm and sincere, his eyes locked with yours. The weight of his words hangs heavily in the air as you curse yourself for your choice of words.

"Of course, I'm sorry," you respond, your voice softening with remorse. "In my eyes, you were in the wrong, not me, so it was easy to push myself past it. But since you're not anymore, I can't imagine how it must've been for you."

"When you apologize so sincerely, it's hard for me to stay mad at you," Connie admits, his tone softening as he looks at you with a mixture of relief and understanding. There's a glimmer of forgiveness in his eyes, a silent reassurance that he's willing to let go of the past and move forward with you.

You feel a weight lift from your shoulders at his words, a sense of gratitude washing over you for his willingness to forgive. "You've always been soft-hearted so no surprise there." you chuckle, grateful for his understanding.

"So you're all famous, how'd that miracle happen?" you inquire, changing the subject to something lighter and joking with them.

Connie chuckles, scratching his head. "Beats me, I just followed what me and you brainstormed on YouTube ideas and then instantly I gained views after view after views."

"Speaking of you, hope you won't sue us," Jean adds with a playful grin, "You practically produced every song on our albums"

"Well you know my name, isn't that enough credit?" you retort with a smirk, your tone lighthearted as you play along with the teasing.

"Apparently there's this whole law section to it, where we'd need to know where you are, your bank account, and other sticky law stuff."

"Right, well I can't really blame you then, Can I?" You yawn, feeling the fatigue creeping in after the long and emotionally charged evening. The weight of the day's events hangs heavily on your shoulders, and the warmth of nostalgia is slowly being replaced by the heaviness of exhaustion.

"Yeah, I guess not," Connie replies with a sympathetic smile, noticing your tired demeanor. "You should get some rest, [Name]. It's been a long day."

You stand up from the floor, feeling the weariness in your limbs as you stretch out the kinks from sitting for so long. With a tired but grateful smile, you nod at Connie and Jean, acknowledging their concern who are now also standing up.

"I need to catch up with Levi, so you guys go hit the beds first," you say, motioning towards the door. You feel a pang of guilt at the distance that has grown between you and your friends, wishing things could be as they once were, free of misunderstanding and conflict.

But before Connie and Jean can leave, you stop them in their tracks. "I'm sorry, Con," you say, your voice laced with sincerity as you reach out to hug them both tightly. "And you too, Jean. I've missed you guys more than words can say."

Connie and Jean return the hug with equal fervor, their embrace a comforting reminder of the bond you once shared. "I missed you more," Connie murmurs, his voice soft with emotion. "Yeah, it's good to have you back," Jean adds, his tone warm and welcoming.

"Okay, goodnight y'all before you make me cry," you say with a chuckle, trying to lighten the mood as tears threaten to well up in your eyes. With a final squeeze, you release Connie and Jean from the hug, feeling a sense of warmth and gratitude wash over you at their understanding and forgiveness.

As they bid you goodnight and head off to their rooms, you watch them go with a renewed sense of hope and determination. You sigh in amazement at how everything is all aligned together, almost pre-written.

You head to Levi's office, but before you can enter, you notice the balcony door open, inviting in a chilly breeze from the snowstorm dying down. Your curiosity gets the best of you, and you find yourself drawn to the balcony, wondering who might be there and what might they be doing out there. With cautious steps, you approach the door and peek outside, finding Eren standing against the railing, gazing out into the night sky smoking a cig.

You hesitate at the threshold, the cool night air swirling around you as you watch Eren, his silhouette outlined against the moonlit sky. There's a heaviness in the air, a palpable tension that hangs between you, unspoken words lingering in the space like ghosts of the past.

You take a moment to gather your thoughts, unsure of how to proceed. Part of you wants to retreat, to leave Eren to his solitude and spare yourself the agony of confronting the memories that flood your mind at the sight of him. But another part of you, a stubborn and persistent part, urges you to stay, to face him head-on and finally address the unresolved issues that have haunted you for so long.

As you step onto the balcony, the sound of your footsteps seems to echo in the quiet night air. Eren turns as he hears you approach, his movements stiffening as he stubs out his cigarette and mumbles an apology. His attempt to leave is met with your firm resolve, and you reach out to close the door behind you, cutting off any chance of escape.

"Eren, wait," you say, your voice steady despite the turmoil raging within you. "We need to talk."

He hesitates, his hand hovering over the door handle, his expression guarded as he meets your gaze. There's not much tension between you, he just feels guilty and the presence you're presenting yourself is welcoming and forgiving.

He nods slowly, his expression serious as he takes a step closer to you. "I know," he says, his voice tinged with regret. "There are things I need to say, things I need to apologize for."

"Let's do it then," you reply, your voice soft but resolute as you meet his gaze. "I'm listening."

Eren takes a deep breath, his eyes reflecting a tumult of emotions as he gathers his thoughts. "I want to apologize," he begins, his voice tinged with sincerity, guilt, and blame. "For everything. For the pain I caused you, for the misunderstandings, for the distance between us."

You feel a pang of sympathy at his words, recognizing the genuine remorse in his voice. "I appreciate your apology, Eren," you say, your tone gentle but firm. "But there's something I want you to understand."

He nods, his expression somber as he waits for you to continue.

"I honestly never blamed you or anyone else for that matter, yes I was a bit sad but I never held resentment against any of you. You shouldn't either."

Eren's somber expression softens, a flicker of surprise crossing his features at your unexpected confession. He takes a moment to process your words, his gaze searching yours for any hint of insincerity. Finding none, he lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding, a weight lifting from his shoulders at your forgiveness.

"I'd never forgive me," he murmurs, his voice tinged with anger, only ever directed at himself. "But I still feel responsible, you know? Responsible for the pain I caused you and everyone but mostly you, for the years that went by all because of my actions."

"I'm past that, Eren. You should be too. Learn how to forgive yourself in this process." Your words seem to strike a chord with Eren, his gaze softening as he listens to your reassurance. He takes a moment to absorb your advice, his expression thoughtful as he considers your words.

"If it was anybody else, I think it'd be a bit easier to forgive myself. But it's you, [Name], and you're thousands of worlds apart from anyone else." He confesses, eyes looking down at the floor of the balcony as he avoids your gaze.

"If we want to move past this, You need to come to terms with the fact that we all make mistakes, Eren. It's how we recover from them." You remind him, your words hanging in the air until Eren fully understands them.

He chuckles, still staring at the ground as he thinks about how truly amazing you are. He can't believe he ever let someone like you out of his grasp. You're so kind and loving and welcoming and… and just perfect. He feels the insides of his sides tingle, either from the cold breeze of the wind or his admiration for you, he's unsure but he knows that he now has the chance to hold on to you a little tighter, a second chance at being your friend and that's a blessing he'll never take for granted again.

"Promise?" You ask, tilting your head downwards to get a good look at him.

"Promise" He replies, his voice filled with conviction. He swears to himself that he'll never wrong you again, even if his life is on the line. He's serious about you and won't let any more mistakes deter him from you.

"Then, c'mere." You say softly, your voice carrying a tenderness that melts away the remaining tension between you. Without hesitation, Eren steps forward, closing the distance between you as you wrap your arms around him in a tight embrace.

He misses this, misses you so much even though you're right there. He begins to hate himself even more on how many years he's deprived himself of your presence and before you even know it, he's full-on sobbing onto your shoulder. You feel bad for cooing and smiling, but it's nice knowing that someone missed you so much, that they'd cry by the physical touch of yours. It's endearing, very much so.

At that moment, you realize the depth of his longing, the magnitude of his regret, and the weight of his guilt. It's a bittersweet revelation, one that fills you with empathy and compassion for him. Despite the pain he's caused, you can't help but feel a swell of affection for him, a desire to ease his suffering and heal his wounded heart.

"C'mon now, why are you crying?" You ask, your words tinged with playful sarcasm. Deep down, you know the reason behind his tears, but you want to lighten the mood and offer him some comfort in a more casual manner.

Eren lifts his head from your shoulder, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment as he wipes away his tears with the back of his hand. He chuckles softly, a hint of sheepishness in his expression as he meets your gaze.

"I missed you," he admits, his voice barely above a whisper. "A lot."

You smile at his confession, feeling your heart swell with warmth at his sincerity. Despite everything that's happened between you, his words touch you deeply, reminding you of the bond you share and the strength of your friendship.

"I missed you too," you reply softly, your voice filled with understanding and compassion. "And I won't ever do that again, communication is key from now on."

"You good?" You ask as he stares at you for a while, still wiping his tears away with the back of his hand.

"Yeah,

"Alright, wanna head to bed then?" you ask, offering him a gentle smile. He nods in response, and together you step back into the warmth of the room, the chilly night air replaced by the comforting embrace of the indoor temperature.

"I'll see you tommorow, Eren," You say luring him in for one last hug before biding goodbyes. "Goodnight"

"Goodnight, [Name]," Eren replies, returning the hug with a warmth that speaks volumes. As you part ways for the night, you feel a sense of peace settle over you, one you didn't know you needed until a few minutes ago. It comes with a nice sigh of relief. You decide to go check on Levi before heading towards your own bed for the night.

You quiety make your way to his office, careful not to startle him, if that's even possible. Your footsteps barely make a sound as you approach the door. With a gentle knock, you announce your presence before entering, not wanting to startle him if he's in the middle of something important. But he doesn't seem to reply.

You enter Levi's office and are met with the sight of him peacefully asleep at his desk. His usually stern expression is softened in slumber, and there's a faint hint of neutrality expressed on his face. For a moment, you're tempted to take a picture to capture this rare moment of vulnerability, but you resist the urge, not wanting to disturb him or break his boundaries.

Instead, you quietly approach his desk, careful not to make any noise that might wake him. You take in the sight of him sleeping, admiring the way his features relax in sleep and the way his steady breathing fills the room with a sense of calm. You contemplate brushing his locks from his eyes but decide against it knowing he wouldn't be too comfortable with that.

As much as you hate to disturb his rest, you know he'll be more comfortable sleeping in a proper bed. With great care, you lean down and place a gentle hand on his shoulder, giving him a light shake to rouse him from his slumber.

Levi," you say softly.

He stirs at your touch, blinking sleepily as he slowly wakes up. He looks up at you, his gaze turning neutral as he takes in your presence.

"You'll get cramps sleeping like that."

Levi blinks a few times, still groggy from his nap, before his gaze focuses on you. He takes in your words, a faint frown appearing on his face as he realizes the situation. He doesn't like that you caught him sleeping, he feels embarrassed, which is unlike him so he immediately jolts up from his sleeping position and stands up.

"I was only resting my eyes, I was about to go."

Levi's sudden movement startles you for a moment, but you quickly recover, sensing his discomfort. You can tell that he's trying to brush off the situation, his tone casual as he tries to downplay his embarrassment. You play it off with him, wanting him to be more comfortable.

"Yeah, okay." You play along, offering him a reassuring smile to ease his embarrassment. "Anyways, I'm heading to bed so goodnight."

Levi mutters a brief "Goodnight" under his breath before nodding in your direction. He doesn't linger on the moment, swiftly gathering his things and preparing to leave his office. You can sense his desire to retreat into the solitude of his own space, and you don't want to intrude any further on his privacy.

As you head up the stairs and to your own designated room for the night, you wonder how things have become what they are right now, it all started with a little bit of confrontation and then everything resolved itself lke a knot being undone. You hope that everything stays the way it is but knowing how life is, that's more of a wish than anything else. As you feel your eyes become heavy, you wonder what tomorrow has in its stalls for you.

notes: i accidentally deleted after posting it this but thank god i have backups! tysm for reading and let me know if i should end it like this with a small drabble on how things worked out or if you want to continue with it and see how the red carpet event goes... also let me know if you want to be in a taglist (which is honestly so surreal to me >_<;)

divider credits: @hitobaby

[helly-watermelonsmellinfellon]

There's something I don't see talked about enough in the SVSSS fandom.

The System.

I just received a comment on one of my fics - which has post-canon SQQ and SQH able to still use social media - suggesting that it would be very easy for people in the real world to point out that these characters using fake accounts to post on real life social media sites would easily be doxxed and the System would have no ability to do anything about that.

Something I have noticed among a lot of people who read this particular book is that not a lot of consideration is given to the very thing orchestrating everything. We often think of the system as a ridiculous guide or rule book that exists solely to give the protagonist what he wants/deserves. We don't really approach it for what it is.

This was my reply to that comment:

Doubt it. The System is able to kidnap people from their worlds and place them in other worlds and bodies in those worlds as punishment. And if you don't do as it wants, to the specification it doesn't directly detail, it can send your soul to an alternate version of the present world to be tortured in another body. I sincerely doubt an abstract, otherworldly being like that, which never receives consequences for anything it does because there is apparently nothing that can canonically challenge it, is going to be threatened by doxxing. If it can create things, link universes together, steal souls, and can be anywhere at any time, I wouldn't expect it to be incapable of manipulating people's perception. I even mentioned how in this fic, it WILL erase SQQ's sister's memories if he chooses to reveal his identity to her, but it becomes too much for her to handle. This suggests it has power anywhere and can do whatever it wants. So, in my mind, if someone actually tried to doxx their accounts, it's either going to lead nowhere, lead to somewhere fake, or the info will be stripped from their lives entirely the moment they find anything/nothing.

It was a very nitpicky kind of comment in my opinion, which warranted this response, but my response just made me realize that the System is effectively an amortal, omnipresent, and omnipotent Entity. It literally doesn't go away. We even think it's over and the Extras tell us, via SQH, that it's still there and still in control.

Think about it.

Think about every single thing that happened because of the System's actions or demands. It literally never faces consequences because there is nothing that could hope to punish it. I've only read 1 fic where higher beings step in to punish the System for kidnapping, coercing, and torturing innocent people for its amusement.

Because that IS something it can do. With ease. And seems all too happy to do.

The System is very dangerous and it's weird how this is something people forget when reading fanfics. SVSSS is the kind of book where crack ideas can work in the frame of the canon story because a character like SQH exists. Because he wrote PIDW with every single plothole and contrived story beat for the sake of money and survival, we can have the weirdest shit happen and blame it on his lack of imagination when writing PIDW. It doesn't need in-depth nitpicking to make it make sense. MXTX gave us a very large and generous sandbox to play in.

You don't need to rationalize a crack plot. And you should always keep in mind that canonically, the System is a terrifying Entity capable of outrageous things. It shouldn't be the deal-breaker that the Entity that kidnaps, gaslights, coerces, tortures, and manipulates people is capable of fantastical feats in a fanfic.

[archangeldyke-all]

Imagine Sevika giving you the remote control to the newest toy that she said bought saying she will wear it the whole day because she needs someone to take control of her

anon......... u have no idea how hard i blushed reading this for the first time... omg...

men and minors dni

sevika's been having a horrible week. silco has been working her to the bone, and he's been nasty about it too-- nitpicking the work she's done, piling onto the work she hasn't. you were sleeping by the time she came home last night, only waking up to hold her in your arms and press a kiss to her head. this morning, you snuck out of bed to make her breakfast before she woke up, wanting to do something to make her day a little brighter.

she finds you in the kitchen, swaying your hips to the soft music playing through the speakers, scrambling eggs in a pan. you spin on your heel, grinning when you see sevika admiring you from across the living room.

"good morning baby." you say. she quickly strides over to give you a deep kiss.

"morning." she says against your lips. she sways with you for a moment, before you push her away and return to your eggs.

"breakfast will be ready in a minute. you think silco's gonna be a dick again today?" you ask. sevika sighs as she sinks down into her seat at the island.

"dunno. probably." she grumbles. you pout. your poor baby. the bags under her eyes have become even darker than normal and the only thing she's had the energy to do all week once she gets home is eat and sleep.

"at least it's friday. got the whole weekend ahead of you. when you get home tonight, i'll give you a back massage." you promise as you divvy up the eggs onto two plates. sevika doesn't respond. you turn to look at her, two plates of eggs in your hands, and freeze when you see the way she's studying you. you raise an eyebrow at her. "baby?" you ask. she suddenly grins, biting her lip.

"i got an idea. stay here." she says. she's out of the kitchen in a flash, leaving you confused and alone. you shrug, placing the plates on the table, pouring sevika a cup of coffee. you settle down and start eating as you wait for her to return. you hear some shuffling in the bedroom, a few drawers opening then closing again, and finally, sevika returns. she's wearing a mischievous smile as she stalks over to you, standing tall in front of where you're sitting. you blink up at her.

"hi." you say. she grins.

"hi. wanna have some fun?" she asks. you raise an eyebrow.

"now? we both got work in an hour."

"now... in an hour... all day." she says, nodding. you frown.

"much as i'd like to spend the day in bed with you, baby, i don't have any sick days left this year." sevika snorts, then shakes her head no.

"not what i'm talking about. here." she says, pushing a small remote into your hands. you furrow your brow in confusion.

"what's this?" you ask.

"try it." she says. you press the power button. above you, sevika's posture stiffens. you blink up at her.

"i don't understand, honey." you say.

sevika's voice is a little shaky when she speaks. "gimmie your hand." she says, holding her hand out. you reach out, and she gently guides your hand to the apex of your thighs, pressing your palm against her covered cunt. you gulp, your eyes widening in shock.

sevika's wearing a vibrator. a vibrator you've got the controls to.

a smile creeps up your face. in your free hand, you press the up button. sevika gasps, and your smile breaks into a grin.

"you're sure?" you ask her. she nods.

"if it's too much i can just take it out. just want-- want to feel..." she struggles to find the words.

"want me to take care of you?" you ask. she nods. you turn the vibrations off, then stand from your seat, pulling sevika down for a kiss. "i'll take care of you, baby." you say against her lips. her hands wrap around your waist, her eyes getting heavy at low tone of voice you use with her. "you take care of so much, don't you?" you ask, your hand coming up from her cunt to cup her cheek. she nods against you. "i know baby." you say. "you got any important meetings today?" you ask. sevika shakes her head no.

"just playing body guard for silco all day." she grumbles. you smile.

"good." you press a kiss to her lips. "that means i can play with you whenever i want." sevika shivers at your words.

you let her eat breakfast undisturbed-- she needs the protein before work. when she walks out of the door after kissing you goodbye, you watch through the peephole as you press the on button. she stumbles, then turns around to glare at the door. you giggle behind it, and her scowl turns into a soft smile at the sound.

you keep the vibrations on low until you leave for work fifteen minutes later, when you switch them off. you try to imagine your girlfriend, slightly turned on, waiting in anticipation for you to play with her from the other side of town.

at work, you and your coworkers gather in a circle to hear your bosses morning announcements. you don't even bother listening, much more focused on fiddling with the remote, flicking sevika's vibe on and off, on and off.

(across town, sevika's glaring especially intensely at one of silco's goons-- causing him to stumble over his words as he tries to explain why he was a hundred gold short on his weekly earnings. she's not even aware of the fact that she's meant to be intimidating the man, she's just trying to channel all her energy into looking scary so she doesn't whimper.)

you're distracted all day. the little remote in your back pocket is the only thing you're aware of. during your lunch break, you decide to tease your girlfriend some more. you let the low vibrations tease her for a few minutes-- give her time to get comfortable with the feeling-- and then you quickly dial up the vibrations three more notches.

(sevika's stalking behind silco when you do, and she stumbles when the vibrations click up, catching herself on silco's shoulder. he shoots her an odd look, and she clears her throat and points to the sidewalk. 'there was a rock.' she says.)

the last few hours of your day tick by agonizingly slowly. every free moment you get you use the time to fiddle with the remote. by the time 5:00 rolls around, you're practically running out of work to get to the last drop. you arrive just in time to watch sevika and silco walk down the steps that lead to his office and into the bar. you duck into a booth, not wanting sevika to see you yet.

for a few minutes you just watch her as she works. she nods to the occasional patron when their face is familiar enough, crosses her arms in front of her chest when someone gets a little too close to silco. when she gets her hands on a glass of whiskey, you decide to start teasing her.

just as she brings the glass to her lips, you flip the vibrations on. if you weren't looking for it, you wouldn't be able to tell, but you are and you can-- you can see the way her posture shifts slightly, one of her legs taking more of her weight than the other. she takes a gulp her drink, brings it back down to her side. you smile.

she goes to take another sip, and right before the liquor touches her lips, you flip the vibrations up a notch higher. this time, it's easier to spot-- the way she freezes, the way she has to clear her throat after she swallows her sip down.

on her third sip, when you flick the vibrations higher, she becomes suspicious. you see the way her eyes start to scour the crowd, looking for you. her eyes go toward the bar, you turn the vibrations down. they flick to the dance floor, closer to you, and you turn them back up. when her eyes start searching at the booths lining the walls, you flick it even higher. she shivers, and you smile, and then her eyes meet yours.

sevika grins upon seeing you. you grin back, and flip the vibrations up even higher. it's the highest you've put the vibrations on today. sevika doesn't try to hide her arousal from you, her eyes slowly blinking closed, her fists curling into balls at her sides. you cut the vibrations off and watch her deflate, gasping for breath. her eyes flick back to yours and you giggle. you close? you mouth to her from across the bar. she nods.

you rise from the booth, slowly walking toward her. she doesn't take her eyes off you as you approach silco's table.

"evening silco." you greet the man. he smiles up at you.

"good evening, dear." he says, pointing to a chair for you to sit beside him. you do. "are you here to steal her away from me?" silco asks you as you settle in beside him.

"i am indeed." you say. beneath the table, you flick the vibrations on, biting back your smile as sevika tenses behind silco.

"i suppose i'm finished with her for the week. do the two of you have any plans this weekend?" he asks. you shrug.

"just making sure she gets rested up. you worked her too hard this week." you say, notching the vibrations up higher. sevika grips her poncho between her fingers. silco sighs.

"yes, i figured this was coming." he grumbles. you roll your eyes. you and silco have had the same argument a dozen times. sevika refuses to get involved.

"i won't lecture you tonight." you say, nudging his ankle under the table. "but if you keep treating her like shit, one of these days she's gonna take me up on my offer to run away together. then what're you gonna do, with your best goon gone?" you ask. silco waves his hand at you.

"yes, yes, i know. i take her for granted." sevika doesn't even seem to register silco's words, her eyes are fixed on you. "go. enjoy your weekend." he says over his shoulder, waving at her. she blinks in confusion, and you laugh, standing to take her hand.

"come on, baby. lemme take you home." you say, guiding her out of the bar. in your pocket, you flick the vibrations even higher. the grip she has on your hand tightens. "you okay?" you ask in faux concern. you push out of the front door of the bar with sevika in tow.

"you--" she cuts herself off when you flick the vibrations higher again. an evil smile crawls up your lips.

"what baby?" you ask. "didn't hear you." she groans and stumbles, and you duck down an alleyway, pushing her against a wall. the second her back meets the wall, she's pulling you into her arms, scrabbling at your back and waist, burying her head into your shoulder.

"you okay?" you ask her. she nods against you, whimpering.

"'m so close." she whines out. you kiss her temple, and shoots her head up from your shoulder to kiss you. you press your lips against hers, moaning as her hands fly down to your ass, her tongue pushing past your lips to tangle with your own.

you trail one of your hands up to tangle in her hair, the other snakes down to pry her hand away from your ass to slip in your back pocket and grab the remote. you nip her tongue and she whimpers.

"you have a good day?" you ask against her lips. she blinks in confusion before nodding.

"yeah?" she guesses. you giggle.

"you remember anything from today?" you tease her. she huffs.

"no i--" she squeaks as the vibrations rise higher. "fuck!" she grunts.

"you were distracted?" you guess. she nods, biting her lip. "why's that?"

"you-- you were-- shit!"

"i was...?"

"teasing me!" she shouts. you giggle, kissing her again.

"not teasing, baby." you say. you notch the vibrations up higher once more-- the highest it can go, and sevika starts to shake against you. "taking care of you." you say. she nods, desperate.

"y-yeah." she grunts out.

"i take good care of you don't i, baby?" she nods again.

"so good, so fuckin' good."

"i know. so let me take care of you now, baby. cum for me." you whisper against her ear. she gasps, and you muffle the shout she cums with with your own lips.

sevika shakes against you, clawing at your ass, pulling you closer and closer to her until you can barely breathe. eventually, she relaxes, slumping against the wall behind her. you turn the vibrator off. she lets out a long sigh, then starts laughing above you. you smile up at her.

"i love you so fuckin' much." she says, her eyes sparkling in post orgasm bliss. you grin.

"love you too honey. did this help you take your mind off things today?" you ask. she nods, a goofy smile spreading on her face.

"i'm a genius." she says. you laugh, shooting up to kiss her.

"come on. lemme take you home, give you that back massage we were talking about this morning." you suggest. sevika groans, leaning forward to wrap you in a tight hug.

"you really do, you know." she says into your neck.

"i do what, baby?"

"take care of me." she says. "so well."

[rawliverandgoronspice]

Hello!! I'm back for: more whining about TotK Quest Design Philosophy

I can't reblog a really great post I just saw for some reason (tumblrrrr *shakes my fist*), but hmmmm yeah not only do I completely agree, but I think I might expand on why I feel so much annoyance towards TotK's quest design philosophy at some point, because it does extend past the fundamentally broken setup of trying to punch a pseudo-mystery game on top of BotW's bones, where the core objective was always explicit and centered and stapled the entire world together; or the convoluted and inefficient way it tells its story through the Tears, the somehow single linear exploration-driven quest in the entire game.

Basically: I'm talking about the pointless back-and-forths. There were a lot of them, a lot that acted against the open world philosophy, and almost none of them ever recontextualized the environment through neither gameplay abilities nor worldbuilding nor character work.

I'll take two examples: the initial run to Hyrule Castle (before you get your paraglider), and then the billion back-and-forths in the Zora questline.

I think?? the goal of that initial quest to Hyrule Castle is to familiarize you with the landmark, introduce the notion that weapons rot, tell you about the gloom pits, and also tell you that Zelda sightings are a thing? But to force any of these ideas on you before giving you a paraglider is, in my opinion, pretty unnecessary. I think the reason it happens in that order is to prevent Link from simply pummeling down to the gloom pit under Hyrule Castle and fight Ganondorf immediately while still introducing ideas surrounding the location; but genuinely, the Zelda sighting makes the next events even more confusing? Why wouldn't you focus all your priorities in reaching the castle if you just saw her there? Why lose time investigating anything else? Genuinely: what is stopping you from getting your paraglider and immediately getting yourself back there, plunging into the depths to try and get to the literal bottom of this? (beyond player literacy assuming this is where the final boss would be, and so not to immediately spoil yourself --which, in an open world game, you should never be able to spoil yourself by engaging with the mechanics normally, and if you can that's a genuine failure of design)

I think, personally, that you should not have been pointed to go there at all. That anything it brings to the table, you could have learned more organically by investigating yourself, or by exploring in that direction on your own accord --or, maybe you think Zelda is up there in the castle, and then the region objectives become explicitely about helping you reaching that castle (maybe by building up troops to help you in a big assault, or through the Sages granting you abilities to move past level-design oriented hurdles in your way, etc). Either way: no need to actually make you walk the distance and back, because the tediousness doesn't teach you anything you haven't already learned about traversal in the (extremely long, btw, needlessly so I would say) tutorial area.

But to take another example, I'll nitpick at a very specific moment in the Zora Questline, that is honestly full of these back-and-forth paddings that recontextualize absolutely nothing and teach you nothing you didn't already know. The most egregious example, in my opinion, is the moment where you are trying to find the king, and you have to learn by listening in to the zora children who do not let you listening in.

So okay. I think Zelda is great when it does whimsy, and children doing children things guiding you is a staple of the series, and a great one at that. But here? It does not work for me on any level. Any tension that could arise from the situation flattens because nobody seems to care enough about their king disappearing in the middle of a major ecological crisis, except for children who are conveniently dumb enough not to graps the severity of the situation, but not stressed out enough that it could be construed as a way for them to cope about it and make anything feel more serious or pressing. It feels like a completely arbitrary blocker that isn't informed by the state of the world, doesn't do anything interesting gameplay-wise with this idea, doesn't build up the mood, and genuinely feels like busywork for its own sake.

This is especially tragic when the inherent concept of "the zora king has been wounded by what most zoras would believe to be Zelda and is hiding from his own people so the two factions do not go to war over it" has such tension and interest and spark that the game absolutely refuse to explore --instead having you collect carved stones who do not tell you anything new, splatter water in a floating island, thrud through mud who feel more like an inconvenience than a threat or, hey, listen to children playing about their missing king less than a couple of years after being freed from Calamity Ganon's menace. It feels like level designers/system designers having vague technical systems that are hard-coded in the game now, and we need to put them to use even if it's not that interesting, not that fun or not that compelling. It's the sort of attitude that a lot of western RPGs get eviscerated for; but here, for some reason, it's just a case of "gameplay before story", instead of, quite simply, a case of poorly thought-out gameplay.

Not every quest in the game is like this! I think the tone worked much better in the sidequests overall, that are self-contained and disconnected from the extremely messy main storyline, and so can tell a compelling little tale from start to finish without the budget to make you waddle in a puddle of nothing for hours at a time. It's the only place where you actually get character arcs that are allowed to feel anything that isn't a variation on "very determined" or "curious about the zonai/ruins", and where you get to feel life as it tries to blossom back into a new tomorrow for Hyrule.

But if I'm this harsh about the main storyline, it really is because I find it hard to accept that we do not criticize a structure that is at times so half-assed that you can almost taste employees' burnout seeping through the cracks --the lack of thematic ambition and self-reflection and ingeniosity outside of system design and, arguably at times, level design-- simply because it's Hyrule and we're happy to be there.

There's something in the industry that is called the "wow effect", which is their way to say "cool" without saying "cool". It's basically the money shots, but for games: it's what makes you go "ohhhh" when you play. And it's great! The ascension to the top of the Ark was one of them --breathtaking, just an absolute high point of systems working together to weave an epic tale. You plummeting from the skies to the absolute depths of hell is another one; most of the dungeons rely on that factor to keep your attention; the entire Zelda is a dragon storyline is nothing but "wow effect" (and yeah, the moment where you do remove the Master Sword did give me shivers, I'll admit to this willingly) and so is Ganondorf's presence and presentation in the game --he's here to be cool, non-specifically mean, hateable in a non-threatening way and to give us a good sexy time, do not think about it too hard. What bothers me is that TotK's world has basically nothing to offer but "wow effect"; that if you bother to dig at anything it presents you for more than a second, everything crumbles into incoherence --not only in story, but in mood, in themes, in identity. This is a wonderfully fun game with absolutely nothing to say, relying on the cultural osmosis and aura of excellency surrounding Zelda to pass itself off as meatier than it really is. This is what I say when I criticize it as self-referential to a fault; half of the story makes no sense if this is your first Zelda game, and what little of that world there is tends to be deeply unconcerned and uncurious about itself.

And no, Breath of the Wild wasn't like this. Breath of the Wild was deeply curious about itself; the entire game was built off curiosity and discovery, experimentation and challenge (and I say this while fully admitting I had more fun with the loop of TotK, which I found more forgiving overall). The traversal in Tears of the Kingdom is centered around: how do I skip those large expanses of land in the most efficient and fun way possible. How do I automate these fights. How do I find resources to automate both traversal and fights better. It's a game that asks questions (who are the zonais, who is Rauru and what is his deal, what is the Imprisoning War about, where is Zelda), and then kind of doesn't really care about the answers (yeah the zonais are like... guys, they did a cool kingdom, Rauru used to run it, the Imprisoning War is literally whatever all you have to care about is who to feel sad for and who to kill about it and you don't get a choice and certainly cannot feel any ambiguous feelings about any of that, and Zelda is a dragon but we will never expand on how it felt for her to make such a drastic and violent choice and also nobody cares that's a plot point you could *remove* from the game without changing the golden path at all).

I'm so aggravated by the argument "in Zelda, it's gameplay before story" because gameplay is story. That's the literal point of my work as a narrative designer: trying to breach the impossibly large gap between what the game designers want to do, and what the writers are thinking the game will be about (it's never the same game). And in TotK, the game systems are all about automation and fusion. It's about practicality and efficiency. It's also about disconnecting stuff from their original purpose as you optimize yourself out of danger, fear, or curiosity --except for the way you can become even more efficient. And sure, BotW was about this too; but you were rewarded because you had explored the world in the first place, experimented enough, put yourself in danger, went to find out the story of who you used to be and why you should care about Hyrule. I'm not here to argue BotW was a well-written game; I think it was pretty tropey at large to be honest, safe for a couple of moments of brilliance, but it had a coherent design vision that rewarded your curiosity while never getting in the way of the clarity of your objective. There is a convolutedness to TotK that, to me, reveals some extremely deep-seated issues with the direction the series is heading towards; one that, at its core, cares more about looking the part of a Zelda game than having any deeper conversation about what a Zelda game should be.

[lizardsfromspace]

Watching people rewrite history to claim fans loved DS9 when it first aired. The Nitpicker's Guide included a long, whiny essay about how the writer had to pretend DS9 was a unrelated show called "Bajor: Terok Nor" in order to accept it as a TV show. "How can it be STAR TREK when they don't GO ANYWHERE" was a thing. I had people telling me that around the time of the Abrams movies lol. DS9 fans were a cult thing for ages, its status as a near-universally beloved show is actually really recent

[gffa]

SO WHAT ARE JEDI HEALERS LIKE IN CANON? The subtitle of this project was literally, “Started making it.  Had a breakdown.  Bon appetite.” because Star Wars lore is a mess of about five distinctly separate continuities and hardly anything has been devoted to this particular niche of Jedi worldbuilding.  I spent a few hours hunting down sources, most of which were just one or two lines, at most a whole entire single paragraph! of information, and not much on how Force healing actually works. This is fair, primarily the Force is about the emotions the user puts into it, that’s the core, central theme of what the Force means to Star Wars worldbuilding, rather than nitpicking details about hard rules of how it works.  Further, the Force isn’t full of hard and fast rules on a bigger scale, it depends on the person, it depends on their mood, it depends on whether it’s a Tuesday or a Friday, because it’s about serving core themes, not about serving a system of magical rules. That said, here’s what we know of Jedi Healers specifically in canon, both as a group within the Jedi Order and as an ability of the Force.  This post will mix together Legends and Disney/Lucasfilm canon, as well as include RPG books that are not meant to be sources of canon, because the whole point of this is to give worldbuilders some tools to start with, should you want!  HAVE SOME FUN WITH IT, PICK OUT WHAT YOU LIKE, AND BUILD UP FROM THERE.  \o/ KNOWN JEDI HEALERS: - Rig Nema (Lucas canon, Disney/Lucasfilm canon) - Stass Allie (Disney/Lucasfilm canon, as a healer) - Barriss Offee (Legends canon as a healer, Disney/Lucasfilm canon as working with healers) - Mill Alibeth (Disney/Lucasfilm canon) - Nahdar Vebb (Fantasy Flight Games canon, as a healer) - Vokara Che (Legends continuity) JEDI HEALERS ROLE IN THE JEDI ORDER: Jedi healers seem to be fairly rare and they were regarded as fairly precious:

(Jedi vs Sith: The Essential Guide to the Force / Legends canon) Note:  In this instance “Old Republic” = prequels era, and while this snippet is Legends, Rhinnal has been mentioned in Disney/Lucasfilm canon in The Rising Storm.  In the FFG books, the Jedi established a chapter house on Rhinnal for many patients that was still in use and had been expanded during the prequels’ Jedi Order’s time.  So, the Jedi have Halls-of-healing-esque houses on other places beyond Coruscant. Jedi Healers were regarded as the most sensitive Jedi of all:

(Wild Space / Legends Canon) JEDI HEALERS’ STRUCTURE: Rig Nema was a Consular Jedi, which was a Jedi that devoted themselves to the study of a science or diplomacy, where she was a dedicated doctor.  Jedi specializing in healing seem to often withdraw from any combat duties, as well as they fall under this specialized role within Jedi career paths.

(The Visual Encyclopedia / Disney/Lucasfilm canon) In Legends, the Jedi Healers worked with the MedCorps Jedi, as well as the were in leadership roles in the Temple’s infirmary and on worlds like Rhinnal and H’ratth.

(The Jedi Path / Legends canon) Note:  The Service Corps are tricky, because Legends established them just after The Phantom Menace came out, before even the second movie of the prequels had arrived, much less TCW or anything.  Which means much of the content that came later had a tendency to contradict itself, as well as they do not exist at all in Lucas’ canon, and they are only mentioned in deeply obscure reference guides in Disney/Lucasfilm canon (and no mention of aging out--which further cannot work the same way, as TCW and Dooku: Jedi Lost establish that 14 year olds are young for Padawans and that 17+ isn’t rare for Padawans), but have never appeared in any book or comic yet.  All of which means:  Feel free to use them!  Source material is a buffet that you get to pick and choose from!  But be aware that some things are fundamentally incompatible from one continuity to another, and the Service Corps is a big one of those. Within the Jedi Order, there was a sub-order of the Knights who practiced healing arts, called the Circle of Jedi Healers:

(The Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia / Legends canon)      “Seated on the Jedi High Council due to her invaluable role as a Jedi Consular, Master Stass Allie is gifted not only in diplomacy and Lightsaber combat, but also Force healing. As a member of the Circle of Jedi Healers and overseer of the Medical Corps, she continues to hone her healing abilities even while deployed as a general for the Galactic Republic in the Clone Wars.” (Complete list of Force Collection cards / Continuity status unknown, probably Legends as it started in 2013) Not all Jedi had to be dedicated healers to work with the medical clinic.  In Disney/Lucasfilm canon, Barriss Offee often spent time helping injured Jedi, because she found healing to give her solace.

(Stories of Jedi and Sith / Disney/Lucasfilm canon) Though, in Legends, Barriss was more directly a healer, working under Stass Allie in the Circle of Jedi Healers, where she specialized in disease rather than surgery.

(Star Wars Databank / Legends canon) Similarly, when Mill Alibeth finds her place within the Jedi Order, at Yoda’s suggestion that she use her abilities for specialized medical and spiritual assistance for war-wounded Jedi, she’s not necessarily Master Nema’s Padawan, it’s not so formalized as that, showing that there’s a lot of flexibility within the Jedi Order’s studies and paths.

(Brotherhood / Disney/Lucasfilm canon) JEDI HEALERS’ ABILITIES: While Jedi healers focus on medical training, they also train Jedi in the main components of Jedi philosophy, like greater control and insight.  When Mill Alibeth begins training with Rig Nema, she gains greater mastery over herself and the insight she has into Anakin in their meditation together:

(Brotherhood / Disney/Lucasfilm canon) In addition to Jedi healers being rare, it seems like it was taxing for them to directly use Force healing, because it drained them personally.  While much of Kylo’s ability to revive Rey seems to come from that they were a dyad (and this would not be possible with other types of Force Healing, so other Jedi could not do that particular thing), Rey does do some Force Healing, where she must calm herself and center herself to do it properly, and it takes energy from her to accelerate healing. It’s not much here, she doesn’t need to recover from it, but anything more significant and likely she would have.  So, Jedi healers have to be careful about how much they give of themselves when healing others.  This is also why Grogu collapses after healing Greef in The Mandalorian.

(The Rise of Skywalker novelization / Disney/Lucasfilm canon) Another Jedi healing ability is the Healing Trance, which would accelerate their natural healing process.  While in this trance, because their heartbeat and breathing slow, they can appear to be dead to others, and they’re unaware of the world around them.  Depending on the climate, they can last anywhere from a week to a month within this trance, without outside hydration being given to them.

(Jedi vs Sith: The Essential Guide to the Force / Legends canon) JEDI HEALERS WITH THE FORCE VS TECHNOLOGY: The Jedi Order of the prequels seems to balance between technology and the Force, that both have their place in healing.  In the episode “Voices”, Rig Nema relies on medical scans to show Yoda’s physiology, as well as a tank of dark liquid (either a bacta tank or a sensory deprivation tank, both would be useful for Jedi who need calm and no distractions to connect to the Force) to help him, but it’s balanced with his connection to the Force being plumbed, it’s not focused only on technological means.

JEDI HEALERS HAVE TO WATCH OUT FOR: In addition to being extra sensitive, Jedi Healers would be spending time in places that were soaked in pain and suffering, just by the nature of injured people’s anguish.  Not only would they face the difficulty of dealing with a patient’s pain directly, Force-sensitive means being psychic, as in that pain literally soaks into the walls around them.

(”The Jedi Who Knew Too Much” / Lucas canon / Disney/Lucasfilm canon) It’s intense enough in places that have a bad accident and those feelings linger, it’s a hundred times worse in places where people are always in pain or dying.  Jedi Healers aren’t just subjected to the person’s suffering that’s right in front of them, but the thousand patients before them that have left their emotional imprint on the walls, the floor, the ceiling, the pillows, the bed, the very air around them. HALLS OF HEALING/MEDICAL WINGS:

The Medical Center and Infirmary seem to be located about halfway up the left-hand side of the main ziggurat: "Medical center and infirmary, staffed by Jedi Medical Corps.” (Complete Locations | Disney/Lucasfilm canon)

“The Jedi Temple's Halls of Healing were beautiful. They had lofty ceilings and enormous windows that spilled golden light over the blue and green and rose-pink walls and floor. Imbued with the Force's most gentle aspects, with love and nurturing and peace, they were full of perfumed flowers and green growing things, with the music of running water and the vibrancy of life renewed. They were the perfect retreat for those who were broken in body and mind, a place where the ugliness of suffering was washed away.” (Wild Space | Legends canon)

It’s difficult to get a sense of the size of it in The Clone Wars, but it seems to be fairly big, given the diversity of what we see of it, there may be more hard scientific areas and more gentle healing areas, both:    - Obi-Wan’s transformation into Rako Hardeen is in an area with multiple cordoned off areas with doors that can be fogged over. (The Clone Wars | Lucas canon , Disney/Lucasfilm canon )

Likely the same area in the episode “Voices”, it seems like it’s in an area of the Temple that’s a hallway away from windows facing the outside. (The Clone Wars | Lucas canon, Disney/Lucasfilm canon)

 Anakin and Mace share a recovery room, which has a different style from the other infirmary rooms, done in different colors and with softer lighting, indicating that they have gentler recovery rooms versus the active medical problem areas It has a window looking out over Coruscant, indicating that it’s near the edge of the ziggurat, likely an area for less critical patients and meant to promote healing. (The Clone Wars | Lucas canon, Disney/Lucasfilm canon)

 Yoda is put in the infirmary in an area that looks to be the same area, but also has a separate area for a bacta tank, which seems to be at least possibly similar to the same area Depa was in when she was submerged in bacta. When Anakin walks into the room (and later he and Yoda walk out), we see what looks like sky through a window in the background of the outside hallway, possibly indicating this was near the edge of the ziggurat as well.  (The Clone Wars | Lucas canon, Disney/Lucasfilm canon)(Kanan: The Last Padawan | Disney/Lucasfilm canon)

[niki-phoria]

hello! i’m not sure if you’ll write this but , i would like to request enhypen x older+taller male reader! whereby, enhypen had ended a toxic rs and are now dating m!reader. the fic could be based on comparisons between the two relationship? thank you :)

⋆｡°✩ enha reaction - helping them heal after a toxic relationship

includes: established relationship, use of hyung, implied taller reader, mix of angst and fluff, changed my theme so the line breaks are green now :))

a/n: thank you for requesting !! i hope you like it <33

warnings: previous toxic relationships, mentions of body image/weight, insecurities

male reader (he/him pronouns)

⋆｡°✩ heeseung

(word count 209)

— heeseung has a lot of responsibilities as the oldest member

— he fell into a cycle of constantly trying to help his ex while ignoring his own needs in the process

— so when you go out of your way to pamper him it makes him feel so loved

you stir awake at the noise of ceramic plates clinking against each other and the noise of running water. you sit up from the couch before a dim light catches your eye. heeseung stands in front of the sink; his shoulders are hunched over as he scrubs the dishes you had used a few hours ago for your shared dinner. 

you rub the sleepiness out of your eyes as you stand up, wandering over to stand behind him. “hee,” you whisper, leaning your weight against him. 

“hyung,” he replies.

“what are you still doing up?”

heeseung pauses, glancing back at you. “i thought… you would’ve wanted me to do the dishes. it’s my fault there’s so many dirty ones.”

“no, it’s not,” you murmur, setting the dirty plate back down in the sink. “i want you to rest. you’ve been working all day.” 

you wrap your arm around his waist, guiding him back to the couch. “get some sleep. you deserve it.”

⋆｡°✩ jay

(word count 210)

— jay is a very patient person

— but even he has his limits

— after spending so long with someone who constantly nitpicked his every move, he slowly grew to be immediately defensive

— he admires how calm and levelheaded you are

— it makes him feel secure that you can talk through your issues

“hey,” you say, moving to sit beside jay on the couch. “you forgot to do the dishes last night.”

“i was busy. i didn’t mean to forget.” his answer is quick. the words are sharp as they leave his lips, though you can see his immediate remorse when his shoulders fall. “sorry,” he mumbles.

“it’s okay,” you say, shifting slightly closer to him. you reach over, tilting his chin to look up at you. “this isn’t an argument. we’re just talking.”

deep brown eyes stare into your own, almost searching for reassurance before he lets out a soft sigh. “i know. i’m sorry.” he takes a deep breath before reaching up to take your hand into his own. he intertwines your fingers together, stroking his thumb against your knuckles. “i was exhausted. i’ll do them tonight if you want.”

“why don’t we do them together?” you ask. “we can make dinner too.”

jay smiles at you. “i’d like that.”

⋆｡°✩ jake

(word count 208)

— jake is very excitable

— he’s sunshine wrapped into a person

— so when his ex began shaming him about his “childishness” he started to close himself off

— he loves to share his interests with you

— couple time mainly consists of cuddling and building new lego sets together

you tuck the box behind your back as you enter jake’s bedroom, closing the door behind you. he momentarily glances up at you from behind his phone with a small smile. “hey hyung.”

“i got you something,” you smile. 

jake perks up immediately, sitting up on his bed as he sets his phone aside. “what is it?” 

you hold out the box in lieu of replying, exposing the new lego box set. jake gasps; his eyes widen as he excitedly takes the box from you. “no way…” he mumbles. you smile as his eyes read the words decorating the box before he jumps up to all but tackles you into a hug. “thank you!”

you laugh excitedly as he peppers small kisses against your face and neck. you wrap your arms around his waist to support his body weight as you twirl him. jake leans back to pull you into a sweet kiss before brightly smiling at you. “thank you,” he repeats.

⋆｡°✩ sunghoon

(word count 208)

— sunghoon puts a lot of pressure on himself

— he’s an idol and the visual of his group, so he worries about constantly looking good

— his ex only encouraged his more unhealthy behaviours, putting down his self-esteem and expecting perfection

— so when you praise him when he’s barefaced and has bed hair he immediately becomes flustered

— your reassurance means the world to him

sunghoon stirs awake when you reach up to carefully brushing a stray strand of hair away from his eyes. his eyes flutter open; his lips quirk upwards into a soft smile. your hand falls to rest against his cheek, rubbing your thumb against his cheek. 

a small stream of sunlight illuminates your room, casting a beautiful golden glow across sunghoon. his disheveled hair frames his sharp features. all of his moles are visible without the layer of foundation that usually conceals them.

“you’re so handsome,” you whisper, finally interrupting the tranquil silence. 

“no i’m not,” sunghoon laughs. he playfully swats at your shoulder, shaking his head. 

“i’m serious,” you chuckle. your arm wraps around his waist, pulling his body against your chest. sunghoon shifts so his head rests against your chest; his ear just above your heartbeat. “you’re the most beautiful person i’ve ever seen, hoon.”

⋆｡°✩ sunoo

(word count 208)

— sunoo didn’t realize how much his ex had affected his self esteem until he wasn’t surrounded by their negativity anymore

— he loves when you compliment him

— it makes him so incredibly happy to know you love him

— he tries to pay you back with an equal amount of love and support

“jagi,” you nearly sing the word as you approach, wrapping your arms around sunoo’s waist from behind. you pull him backwards so your chin rests on top of his head, leaning over his shoulder. you smile as you lean down to press a chaste kiss against his cheek. 

sunoo laughs as you twirl him around to face you. your hands rest on his hips just barely beginning to slip underneath the fabric of his gray sweater. the faux leather jacket he had pulled over it lays carefully spread across the side of your couch along with a small, over-the-shoulder bag. his blue jeans fit perfectly; the bottom just barely reaches the top of his shoes.

“you look nice today,” you smile, dramatically looking him over. “those jeans really suit you.”

“you think so?” sunoo smiles, looking down at his own outfit.

you hum, leaning in to pull him into a quick kiss. “you always look amazing, love.”

⋆｡°✩ jungwon

(word count 204)

— jungwon is used to being strong

— he’s the leader and takes on a lot of responsibilities by himself

— his ex had pushed even more pressure onto his shoulders

— so when he finally breaks down, he tries to push you away at first

— cuddle him and let him know everything is alright 

— this moment strengthens your relationship

“jungwon?” he startles at the sudden sound of your voice. he sniffles as you approach, quickly wiping away any evidence of tears on his cheeks. 

“hyung.” his voice cracks slightly as he quickly adjusts his posture.

“hey,” you whisper, bringing a hand up to cup jungwon’s face. you brush your thumb against his soft skin, wiping away a stray tear he missed. his breath hitches as you tilt his face up to look at you. freshly teary eyes meet your own as you pull him into a hug. “it’s okay to cry, wonie. i love you.”

jungwon takes a shaky breath. he buries his face into the crook of your neck as he clings to you. his tears sting against the exposed skin of your neck as your arms wrap around his waist, pulling him even closer to you. “it’s okay,” you whisper. “it’s all gonna be okay.”

⋆｡°✩ niki

(word count 206)

— niki is still very young

— he needs a lot of encouragement and support

— sometimes hate from netizens gets to him

— he internalized his ex telling him to get over it so it shocks him when you’re supportive

— with time and your love he slowly learns to accept himself

niki lets out a small sigh of content as he nuzzles himself even closer to you. his head rests against your chest, just over your heartbeat. his hand slips underneath your shirt, making you jolt slightly at the feeling of his cool skin pressed against your own. niki chuckles, whispering a small “sorry.” 

you simply shake your head, wrapping your own arm around him to rest against his waist. “you were incredible today,” you murmur, raising your other hand up to rake your fingers through his hair. “your dancing was amazing and your vocals are incredible. your improvement is really showing.”

“really?” he asks, shifting slightly to look up at you. you gently scratch your nails against his scalp as you twist the strands between your fingers. “you think so?”

“of course.” 

niki softly smiles up at you before leaning in to press a quick peck against your lips before he relaxes against your chest once again.

[decepti-thots]

today the topic of linguistics is on my mind (context: this was what i studied at uni) and i am remembering my personal pet peeve: minimus isn't "good at grammar" he's a pedant about bullshit prescriptivim that doesn't matter, those AREN'T the same. he's an armchair nitpicker insisting arbitrary "rules" are "correct". any linguist worth their salt who heard him "correcting" someone because it doesn't match a style guide the victorian upper classes would approve of would, and i say this with so much love in my heart, beat him to death with a chair for it

[max1461]

Here's my other problem with tumblr discourse: even when I make the context/intended interpretation of a post really explicit, people ignore this context and respond to it in like... for lack of a more charitable term, a discoursebrained way.

So a while ago I made a post about some ethical intuition I had, and at the top I put a huge disclaimer which said something to the effect of "this is just an expression of my feelings, it's not meant to be a philosophically airtight position, please don't take it as such", followed by a readmore and then the actual post. Why did I do that? Because I figured that if I didn't, people would nitpick it in various technical ways that missed the basic point. Lo and behold several people still did that, and when I replied basically restating the disclaimer, one of them said "oh I didn't even see that. Well I think if you post a half-baked thought online I retain the right to nitpick it".

I guess that's true. My blog is public. But the point is that I want to use my blog for certain things and not others, right, that's what I'm attempting to do. And people seem actively resistant to my attempts to guide the discussion on my blog in certain directions, which makes blogging less enjoyable. Of course some people will always do that, that fact doesn't bother me, but it feels like the irrelevant/point-missing discourse so often overshadows the meaningful discourse that I start to feel less of a desire to put in the effort.

Like, the point of issuing that disclaimer was to say, as explicitly as I could manage, "I am trying to have a discussion about feelings and intuitions here, I am aware there might be ways these intuitions are not fully consistent, but that is not the discussion I'm trying to have". But even so explicit an attempt to specify a conversation topic does not work; the discourse machine demands a certain kind of engagement and that is the engagement every post will get no matter what.

I don't want to put the person who missed my disclaimer on blast: it's honestly an error that anyone could make and on its own it's no big deal. If said person is reading this: you didn't do anything wrong and I am not mad at you, to be 100% clear.

It's not a one-off mistake that bothers me, it's the fact that this is how discussions on here so often go that putting in the effort to discuss things productively often feels wasted.

Another example of this that... if you go through my #society tag, you will see a lot of uncertainly in my phrasing. You will see me say a lot of "it seems like we should..." and "we should find some mechanism to..." and so on and so forth. Why? Because, as I've mentioned before, I've gotten a lot out of political discourse on here. When it's good, I actually find it quite good. But it's good when it has a constructive or collaborative tone, when I am bouncing ideas or thoughts back and forth with someone. Generally I am trying to invite this kind of discourse.

Sometimes, again, I say it really explicitly. I don't have them off the top of my head, but I know there are quite a lot of #society posts where I've said something quite straightforwardly to the effect of "here are some niche social/political issues I've been contemplating, does anyone have any ideas for how to respond to them". Obviously there's a spectrum in how explicit I am about this, but even when I'm really clear, most of the responses I get are still "discoursebrained", in the sense that they seem antagonistic and generally more interested in saying "X guys are cool and Y guys are lame" than in productively engaging with a set of ideas.

Even if you disagree with my claims or my premises, there is a way to state that which adds to a conversation instead of shutting down a line of inquiry. I am always trying to invite this type of mutually-productive discussion, and I so rarely achieve it.

Over the years my methods have changed. I come from a background of like, forums for specific nerd interests. Those places are plenty contentious, full of plenty of drama and disagreement. But ultimately, I always still felt that productive discussion was valued above destructive discussion; that because we were all united in a common goal of [doing our nerdy hobby], a comment where you build on someone's idea to say something useful to others or to introduce a new insight was generally valued above one where you just said "you're wrong for such and such reasons, hah!" or even "you're right for such and such reasons".

Coming from this background, I assumed this would also be the case on tumblr, and that I would not have to put in any extra effort to invite this sort of discourse. Alas, this was not true; even long and thought-out replies from respected discoursers often just amount to "here are the guys I agree with and here are the guys I disagree with, for such and such reasons". This is lame and boring and not appealing to me.

So over the years I've tried to be more and more explicit about what types of discussion I am trying to have, I've tried to tee up the sort of interactions I want as much as possible, but it hasn't really worked.

The problem is not strictly the quality or measuredness of the responses or their tone or anything like that. These are the things most people focus on when they critique the discourse, but I think they miss the point. The problem is that most responses don't seem to be intended to advance a mutually-productive discussion, they don't build on the base of what they are responding to, they just make various assertions and statements of allegiance in the vicinity of the material they are responding to and call it a day.

Maybe this is too harsh. I'm sure I do this too. And it's not always bad. Sometimes I use someone else's post openly as a jumping off point to elaborate my own ideas (although I try to be careful about this, and also make it somewhat clear that I am doing it), and this can be productive. I do actually want to hear people's ideas. It's not any single instance of these things I'm complaining about, it's just that discoursey responses seem to drown out all other types of discussion, even when you are really clear about what type of discussion you are trying to have.

So that's my complaint.