#The mix is from 2015. People didn't know. I'm assuming.

[wanderingandfound]

Did The Bleachers know what they were doing when they recorded I Wanna Get Better?

[doctorbunny]

So I thought it'd be silly and detract from this post to talk about fandom underneath it But I've been looking for a way to talk about this and I think this is as good a start as any.

I keep seeing a lot of people confused as to why Kazui, assuming he is a gay/aro/other closet LGBT man would want to 'decieve' Hinako by lying to her about being in romantic love with her and marrying her

It makes sense, if you're young and from the right area, you might not know a lot of history, its certainly not taught in schools. For example, to many people 'gay panic' is a cute trope, wherein a person struggles with their newly discovered identity and not a legal defence people used to excuse the beating and murder of gay people

Kazui is 39 years old. He would've turned 40 in August 2020, meaning he was born in 1980

When the comic above about Bert and Ernie getting a civil union (not even marraige yet) was made in 2003, he would've been 23.

By the time gay marraige was legalised in the US, it was 2015, Kazui would've been 35 (and despite Kazui being Japanese, because other countries like to copy America, the US legalising gay marraige was absolutely celebrated by LGBT people worldwide)

(here's a section of Our Dreams At Dusk a manga that began publication months before the legalisation of gay marraige in the US showing just two states legalising gay marraige as being news worthy to LGBT people in Japan) The first Asian country to legalise gay marraige was Taiwan in 2019 Japan is expected to be the second... but they're taking their time

Gender identity and sexual orientation are also not nationally protected civil rights, meaning protection from discrimination depends on the prefecture you live in.

And this is without getting into darker subjects like higher self harm/suicide rates or violent crimes against LGBT people

I don't want to be doom and gloom, many people are becoming more aware and accepting of LGBT people. But Kazui had every reason to wish to remain closeted

For all people talk about a 'divorce stigma' I believe it is silly to have expected a gay man in the 2000's, when many people even in the states thought gay marraige was unattainable in their lifetime, to have considered that when he got married to someone in an attempt to conform to society Especially because most difficulty to remarry after divorce comes from views surrounding custody laws and adoption. A lot of people don't want to get in a relationship with someone who already has children since they don't view them as their own on account of being blood related. This is probably why Fuuta's mother left Fuuta and his sister with their father. It's very notable that Milgram lampshades how by Kazui's age he was 'expected' to have children but didn't. We don't know Hinako's opinion on having children, but its possible Kazui intentionally didn't have any with her for this reason (despite feeling melancholy he could've had a child Muu's age by now)

Shidou had children (the eldest of which he likely sired while still being in medical school), Mahiru was still in university and thinking about planning a family, Amane notes that her mother gave birth to her when she was Mahiru's age. (TLs from Rochisama)

These aren't malicious feelings imo. This is Kazui noticing a coworker he likes is romantically interested in him and taking a chance on her in the hopes that playing a role as a straight man will make him into one. (unfortunately the suit doesn't fit) There is a Japanese saying of 出る杭は打たれる 'the nail that sticks out gets hammered in' suggesting it is better to not stand out (interestingly, the below lyric is the same in Japanese and English but in French its more like 'I can't take it anymore, I'm different')

It's also worth noting that gay people getting into heterosexual relationships even outside of Japan, used to be Extremely Common. Like my mother has a co-worker who did it

In addition, Yokohama is one of the more expensive places to live in Japan. Mixed with his expensive looking wedding and the traditonal dress of the family at his wedding. It's very likely he comes from a wealthy (conservative) background which would contribute to pressures

I'm rambling a little, i'm quite tired. But I don't want people to think this means they Have to vote Kazui innocent. I don't know your theories. Maybe you think he's straight or sexuality is entirely irrelavent to his crime or you think he's gay but you just want to vote him guilty for some other reason. Any reason is allowed (although non-milgram fans trying to use him as a luck shrine has to be pretty weird)

I just think that when you judge Kazui as a gay man who 'lied' to a straight woman, you need to look at the context it happened in and the many real people who still exist in marraiges like that. Beware whomst you call deceptive or manipulative in a world were heterosexuals feel entitled to your immediate coming out.

[i-dont-even-care335]

I wish the books (and fans) didn't make William Afton such a horrible father.

The books came out in 2020 and are continuously produced. The games I am referring too such as "Sister location" and "Fnaf 4" came out in 2016 and 2015, I mention this because I'm explaining I'm discluding the books in my arguments, as they aren't relevant to the games as they are confirmed to be their own universe and not canon to game lore.

I mean, yeah, you could argue he was quite neglectful, but how do we know he wasn't a single father in the duration of the games (specifically the flashback scenes of Sister location and Fnaf 4). In Fnaf 4, he'd take his kids to work with him when he could so he he could watch over them and do his job as the manager of the diner, because I doubt you have much time when it's just you and one other person managing a diner. As we were shown during many of the scenes where Evan and the older brother (persumed Michael Afton) would be inside the diner. There was even a scene where a man (presumably William Afton) was getting inside a spring Bonnie suit. So we can infer that he would watch over them when he could.

In the sister location flashback scenes, we could obviously tell he cared for his kids at, like, were it implied he made circus baby for Elizabeth and were he told her to never see Circus Baby alone, knowing what would happen to her if she did. Or how in the final scene of Fnaf 4 where the crying child is dying in the hospital and William Tells C.C. "You're broken...I'm still here. I will put you back together." It is confirmed by the Fnaf ultimate guide that Willaim (or C.Cs father, we can all infer is William) was watching over C.C using Fredbear because in the Sister location Private room, we see that there is a camera directly in C.Cs room, which is also the reason that Frebears eyes follow C.C around anywhere he goes and why wherever C.C is, Fredbear is.

I honestly have no idea where the idea of William physically hurting his kids (specifically Michael) came from (I saw someone say it came from the books, specifically The fourth closet, which I have not read yet, so I am unsure if that is true) as the games never give us much information of their relationship. I assume that the reason Springtrap (aka William) attacks Michael in Fnaf 3 and Pizzaria simulator, is because he was unaware it was his son, as at these moments of time Michael would be way older and also, a dead decomposing corpse. Again, we really don't have a lot of information on the two's relationship, so this is a difficult argument to make, but I would like to assume they had a decent relationship since Michael in the beginning was putting Elizabeth and the others back together, as William had asked, which seems like an effort only people fond of each other would got through, then Michael says "... I'm going to come find you. I'm going to come find you,". Then, I assume that his view on William changes after he runs into Henry and learns the truth. Because, how do we know he knew the truth about the missing kids before pizzareia sim? It seems like he was only taking up the jobs to find Circus Baby and Springtrap.

I bring this all up because of the new lore drop that Fnaf 4 was an experiment done by William Afton on his own kids. Which to me seemed out of nowhere and slightly out of character because William was killing those kids for remnant, but I don't see a reason why he'd do things like that to his own kids. I feel like this lore drop is an attempt to bring back Willaims relevancy since Secruity Breach and to make him look even more like a villain.

If I got anything mixed up or wrong, sorry, it's been a while since I refreshed my memory on Fnaf, and I'll edit anything that is off.

[periodicreviews]

50 Cent: The Final Lap Tour

"It might be the final lap, but 50 is forever."

These were the final words from 50 Cent during his appearance in Tampa for "The Final Lap" tour.

In the world of concerts, final doesn't mean final. But it hints that maybe, possibly, it could be. And if it is, and you miss it, you'd miss it forever.

Whether or not this is his final tour, this show made me a believer in 50 Cent again (or whoever behind the scenes orchestrated this).

In my 5th post on this tumblr, I complained about a single event which caused me to lose all faith in 50 Cent. I unfollowed him on Twitter long ago and haven't sought out any information on him. Petty? Maybe. But I was still subscribed to his channel on youtube. When I saw the ad for his tour, I thought despite that tragic event 8 years ago that I should pay money again to see him.

Jeremih

After parking and making the 20 minute walk from the lot to the amphitheater, I arrived with just a few songs left in Jeremih's set. I never looked into his music so I wasn't really missing anything. From the time when he ended, if he started at 7, then he only played for 30 minutes. He seemed to perform only segments of his songs before the DJ would scratch the record to a halt. He also had one of his crew perform their own song. It was all ok, nothing bad but barely anyone was standing. The mixing of the sound seemed to be off as well because it was hard to hear his vocals.

Busta Rhymes

When I originally bought my ticket, I assumed that even if 50 Cent did a repeat of his 2015 performance, then at least I'd have the 2nd act, Busta Rhymes. Without knowing anything about his live show or really anything about him as a person, I just assumed that Busta Rhymes would bring his A game based on the level of technique he uses in songs like "Look at me now". I'm using that as an example because that and "Break ya neck" are really the only two Busta Rhymes songs that I know. I've probably heard some others but they didn't really come up in his set. I'm remembering now that I have a copy of "Come on" from Tiesto featuring Busta Rhymes, but that probably doesn't get performed live.

Anyway, Busta Rhymes's set time arrives. His hype man comes out, makes an introduction while an elaborate throne chair slowly turned to reveal Busta Rhymes sitting there in a relaxed position. There was quite a bit of cheering for him just turning around so he sat there and milked it for a bit.

He launched into his first song and it seemed like his voice was a lot deeper than he sounded on these 10-20 year old tracks that I was familiar with. Not sure if it's age, smoking, other health problems, or some combination of it all. After some quick DuckDuckGo searching, it seems he's definitely struggled with his weight, as well as having had surgery on his throat.

But the vocals don't really matter when you promptly stop the song after either verse 1 or chorus 1. Guy next to me said he had seen him recently and at that previous show it seemed like he was out of breath most of the time but since then he had lost some weight. It didn't seem like he was necessarily out of breath after 1 minute, but maybe this style of show was in recognition of that.

But even if he was only doing 1 verse+1 chorus, I wouldn't be as disappointed of what he was actually doing. Half of the time, he was making the audience sing the verse or chorus so the whole show had more of a sing along feel. Singing along with the show is something people do everywhere and a lot of bands at some point will actively encourage it for a portion of a song. But this was my first time at a show where I felt like I was getting so little from the original artist and too much from the audience.

The only song he sang a full verse+chorus on was his new single, though that's to be somewhat expected as most people in the crowd aren't going to know the words to it. The other piece he did in full was his verse on "Look at me now". At the time it seemed maybe a little slower than it was on the recording, but it still felt like 85% there which is a feat in itself.

The guy I thought was his hype man, Spliff Star, seemed more like his co-vocalist. Again, being unfamiliar with Busta Rhymes I wasn't sure if this was the usual performance that he gives or particular to this tour. But for me, the split dynamic didn't really work for me and I find hype men generally annoying to begin with.

Near the end of his set, Busta gave a bit of a speech talking about thing he thought were worth celebrating:

1. Waking up today

2. Cause we're blessed

3. 50 Cent

4. Each other

5. Tampa

6. 25 anniversary of one of his album

7. BET lifetime achievement award

8. 50 years of hip hop

I appreciated him taking the time to talk a bit about himself as a person, which made up a bit for the short performance style. But then the hour was up.

I was left wondering whether this would be the same thing that 50 Cent was going to do. Was all of this just a cash grab? Put "the final lap" branding on to entice people, come out and do 1 min of each song, not bother releasing any new songs, and call it a day.

In the intermission, it seemed like an excessively long time that we waited for. There were some technicians that gathered on stage, then looked at the massive LED screen setup and the lights. From the audience it was hard to see exactly what the problem was. And in the absence of seeing anything big, I was left wondering whether we really needed to delay the show for it. While the screens and the lights certainly elevate the performance, I'd have been content with just hearing 50 Cent perform.

50 Cent

The show finally started around 9:20. One of the 5 LED screens lit up with the image of 50 in silhouette as the crowd went wild. There was then a Nightcrawler teleportation effect where 50 disappeared in a wisp of smoke only to reappear on another one of the screens. After he teleported between all 5, a clear plastic enclosure on stage began to fill with smoke, and after filling completed, 50 popped out of it as he began the first song.

I didn't recognize the first song, but when he next went into "What Up Gangsta", I was sold by the end of the song.

Similar to Busta Rhymes, 50 Cent was not there 100% vocally. The guy next to me had also mentioned that it seemed like sound quality at the Mid Flordia Credit Union Amphitheatre had been in a downward spiral for awhile now. So maybe that was also at work here. He certainly wasn't yelling all the lyrics, which I had seen him do in previous concert videos. Looking at a recent interview, it definitely sounds like his voice wasn't what it used to be so I'm assuming that it's some combination of age and maybe not taking care of it during those earlier shows when he was shouting for the whole set.

He played a lot from "Get Rich or Die Tryin" which I appreciated, but also weaved in some of his newer stuff. But the big surprise aside from him actually performing was the reveal of the live band that was hidden inside of the large LED screens. The screens split apart in the middle to reveal them playing the drums, keyboard, bass, and guitar.

Earlier in the night, I asked the guy next to me whether he looked up setlists before going to see shows and he said he didn't. I've done it occasionally when I've needed to leave a show early but I generally like being surprised about what's going to come next. The live band surprise that would've been ruined with the setlist saying "guitar solo".

The stage production besides the LED screens and backing band was top notch. I can see now why the technicians might have wanted to delay the show a bit in order to troubleshoot an issue. There were quite a lot of different elements from fire and fireworks, to the smoke at the beginning, and 2 or 3 different sets of confetti. I'm not sure if they were separate elements or just flame jets with some kind of motor but there were typical vertical flames as well diagonal flames.

Another element to the production was the dance team. Maybe rap videos still feature lots of scantily clad women, I feel like I haven't watched a music video like this in a while but it also felt like a bit of a throwback to that era where I just remember so much controversy about rap music and videos being public enemy number one. The dancers served a dual role in keeping the energy going on stage in between the many outfit changes that 50 went through.

The only downside to the production was that a live band meant that the songs were not exactly the same as on the album. In general, this wasn't a problem except for "In Da Club". The steel drum sample was not the same and I just could not get over it. I'm not sure if they just didn't have access to it or if it was a conscious choice to do new arrangements of all the tracks.

There was only 1 minor hiccup during the show and that was when Jeremih was supposed to play a song on piano. They wheeled out a grand piano and when he sat down to play it, it was immediately clear that it wasn't making any sound. Without missing a beat, they cued up the backing track and he proceeded to skip that segment entirely. It's clear they spared no expense on not just the physical production but the team as well for them to be able to recover so quickly from that.

During the encore, 50 started to do shorter versions of some of his songs like Wanksta and Poor Lil' Rich. At this point, this was more than fine with me since we had already gotten so much.

The show ended without 50 saying much of anything. He kept the music and show moving and any long pause would've meant having to cut some of the songs. If this really is the last time he performs live, I would've liked a little more from him in terms of thanking the fans for coming out. Though when given the option between long bits of talking and focusing on the music, I’d take the latter most days.

In retrospect, my process for buying a ticket really didn’t make sense. If I really had no confidence in 50, I might have waited until after he had performed at least one show, then looked up a setlist and a review to see if it was real or not. But I guess I had some hope still since it was an arena show as opposed to something at a nightclub.

Overall, for the 39 dollars I paid for a seat (I could have sat on the lawn for 20), the value was incredible. I watched an interview he did for Men's Health to lookup how his speaking voice sounds like now. At the end he talks about being frustrated being told "No" when asking for pyrotechnics at his show and saying he'd rather be told what it takes to get it if he wants it. This would seem to indicate that he's the driving force behind the big production on this tour. If that really is the case, then I'll give him credit for putting the pieces in motion. Ultimately it takes a whole crew to put on the show and everyone played their part in making it a successful and memorable night for me.

[lilac-5ky]

Heyy I loved your Gintoki with a Kpop s/o 😏 but out of curiosity, what Kpop groups did you like? I’m assuming you’re either a gen 2-3 fan, me personally I like Red Velvet and NCT a lot (though I’ve slightly fallen out of Kpop the past year) but I do listen to songs from older and newer groups. Im just asking out of curiosity if you don’t mind answering! 😊

Hi hi! I'm glad you liked it! Actually, it's kind of a funny story because I started liking kpop through my mom, not even joking. She was watching kdramas before I even knew a thing about korean culture and because of her I started watching too. And, she was really into BIG BANG (she even bought their album) and so I eased into kpop too.

I started listening to kpop in 2015-6 or so and because of that my tastes are kinda mixed? I was mainly gen 3 fan, then I listened to more gen 2 stuff and finally I still listen to kpop as my primary music but I don't really tunnel focus into anything. Like I listen to lots of new songs, I just don't spend my entire time looking into idols. I used to be a big EXO-L because ultimately, what led me to kpop was Baekhyun. I had a big crush on him and he was my first kpop bias. Anyways, I'll go through some of my favorite bands and artists below!

(side note: I'm not too caught up with the newest bands either, even when it comes to my favs I listen to their old stuff more.)

From girl bands: Red Velvet, SNSD, EXID, GFRIEND, G-Idle, BLACKPINK, MAMAMOO, CLC, EVERGLOW, ITZY, 4 Minute, TWICE, 2NE1, Girl's Day, AOA, Stellar, SISTAR, FIESTAR, WJSN, LOONA, Dreamcatcher, Wonder Girls, STAYC.

I KNOW I KNOW, I LISTEN TO MANY GIRL BANDS. Can't even choose which ones I like the most, but I started with AOA-TWICE-SNSD.

From boy bands: EXO, BTS, Stray Kids, Day 6, iKON, NCT, ATEEZ, TxT, SHINee, BIGBANG, GOT7, INFINITE, 2PM, SUPER JUNIOR

From solo artists: Sunmi, Chungha, Gain, IU (!!!!), Hyuna, Taemin, Dean, Zico, Jay Park, Ailee, Lee Seungi, Taeyeon

This turned as big as my fanfictions LMAO I just wanted to be thorough and add everything I listen to! You are lucky you didn't ask about biases, we'd be here all day long. ( I said Baekhyun from EXO, I'll mention Yoongi from BTS too shhh) Hopefully I didn't bore you to death with the 10 million bands and artists I'm into ahaha

(people who read my post up to this point ^)

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Hi Ralph! I love your blog. I was wondering what your thoughts/feelings are about RBB/SBB? Do you believe Larry were in some way behind it? What does that say about their understanding/experience of queer culture (if indeed it was them)? Thank you for all the thoughtful perspectives you share. I always enjoy reading them :)

Oh The Bears - I've written quite a lot about them, particularly early on when they were still happening. You might find some answers to your questions there.

I've thought a lot about whether time has changed my analysis of the bears. At the time I thought it was very unlikely that it was happening without 1D members knowledge. It was always clear there was a team behind the bears (at quite a few venues they were in place before 1D arrived at the venue). I personally don't think crew members would represent Louis and Harry that explicitly without their knowledge. And I also think just in general, very little happens on a tour, without people knowing about it.

I've always thought the bears, particularly the tableaus at gigs were far more expressive than they were communicative. They were people having fun and exploring queerness. I've always rejected the idea that they had special messages that we were supposed to decode (nut tree never meant anything).

Some fandom arguments about why Louis and Harry were behind the bears are really really silly. In particular, the idea that they were the only people who could or would have paid for all that stuff completely misunderstands the economics (and the boredom) of a tour.

There are three things I've thought about a bit, when it comes to evaluating how I understood the bears at the time. The first is what happened to the bears after X-factor. At the time I assumed they were with Harry and Louis. But I think it's reasonably clear, since RBB was on stage in early January 2016 and then at a Little Mix concert some time after that at least RBB went with a member of the crew who continued to work gigs. I think that would probably change how I understood the twitter feed aspect of it all.

The second is that I wonder if I underestimated just how chaotic backstage of tour was by 2015. Was getting all four of them on stage the most anyone could manage (and not even that once) - and nobody really cared about some displays at concerts and a twitter account. I'm just sitting with that and waiting for Lima to talk some more before I figure out if the general chaoticness of that point should change the way I think.

The other thing I've thought more about with more distance is that there was a noticeable change in the sorts of queer history being referenced once they went off tour. The tableaus were very interested in older queer culture, pre queer liberation. The twitter feed was more interested in a pop culture understanding of queerness from the 80s and 90s. The twitter feed was more generic and less specific.

I think that means that a key member of the bears entourage was someone who was touring with them and who didn't travel with them to promo stuff (which the bears definitely did).

In terms of what this tells us about Harry and Louis - I think it tells us they were interested in queer history - and particularly the way that queer entertainers had navigated their situation over time. I don't think we can assume that they knew any of the less well known figures before hand - if the bears had a large entourage then material would have come from different places. But I do think it shows an engagement with those experiences. I also think we've seen an ongoing interest from both of them.

[retphienix]

It's been 6 years :)

On March 30th, 2015 I decided I wanted a gaming side blog. (so we're early, but shush, it's the month for me)

I didn't know what I'd use it for exactly, but I had ideas- something I always have even if most of them only get as far as daydreamin' or writing out before closing them :P

For proof on the lack of direction the blog initially had- the March 30th date is the anniversary of my first post, an in-depth and lengthy review of Dragon Warrior Monsters for the GBC.

If you know the blog then you know "Extremely long and in-depth reviews" aren't the norm around here. As a matter of fact, that first post is the ONLY one I've done!

The closest I've come to ever repeating that would be the (word of the day) Directionless video I put out on Hades to get a grip on the concept of making videos, but that wasn't nearly as much of a 'review' as that first post is.

Tangent, definitely planning on trying my hand at videos some more for the foreseeable future. Probably not gonna use the tagline Full Impressions that I tossed as a whim for the Hades video but yeah- I'm excited to try my hand at a few videos :) tangent over.

It didn't take me long to come up with what I'd like to do for the blog though :)

A few months later I liveblogged a challenge run of FFT where I used only Ramza- a solo run. - Which maybe only happened because I tried a nuzlocke run a year prior on my main account-

(Nuzlocke | FFT challenge run)

Thanks to that haphazard liveblog experiment I started to realize a couple things which became the primary motivators behind this blog.

1) I LOVE sharing experiences. No brainer, I'm sure, but being able to share my experiences, and compare them with others' experiences, and just that mutual sharing is uplifting and feels good to do.

2) Liveblogging is an EXCEPTIONAL motivator to buckle down and play all those games I said I'd play (cue everyone laughing because I'm still way behind and have an immeasurable backlog).

But I mean that, on both respects. I have plenty of motivators toward the blog today, but if I were to be concise it's pretty much "It's easier to beat games if I liveblog them- otherwise I get distracted and play other games" and "I love sharing experiences and thoughts with people about my favorite thing- games."

Since 2015 I've tackled around 70 games as full playthroughs, and an untold ton as one offs or just to ramble about for a bit.

I've had a lot of highlights over the years, and I don't talk much about it as an overall experience so I thought for the anniversary I'd try to do just that. Not everything- I can't say I have photographic memory that would bring all of it up without prompting after all :P But whatever comes to mind as I browse some of my old stuff- as well as some thoughts on what I'd like to see in the future.

It's gonna be a bit self-centric I assume as I type this preamble to it, so let me say outright that this blog wouldn't be half of what it is without all the people who've given it the time of day over the years.

From recommending games they love or appreciate, to comparing thoughts, to offering kind words for analysis I've done over the years, to pointing out when I'm dumb and misread a situation :P- to, yes, even the people who decided "Fuck this guy's ramble" and deleted my captions before reblogging my gifs way back during Hamtaro (Of COURSE I remember that! It's amusing lol).

This is better because of others, because of the interactions and the people I've gotten the chance to chat with or befriend. It's just a liveblog more or less, my own little bit of fun I toss out for myself if for anyone- so seeing others enjoy this or that from the work I put into sharing my experiences or thoughts is always a joy in itself :)

Anyway, onto selfishly rambling about some tidbits of the past :)

Also sorry but no, opted to not shove a ton of photos in, it does have a handful of links to old posts though :P

This'll be disorganized as heck as I'll add to it over time before I feel it's worth posting (or the tumblr post editor becomes a hassle and more or less forces me to).

First~

FFT Solo Ramza Challenge: Considering it was roughly the first thing this blog has done, it's also something that's stuck in my head a lot more clearly than most of the other stuff I've done to be honest lol.

In truth, this is partially because FFT is my favorite game, bar none. But it's also because the whole experience was pretty new to me. Prior to it I had really only done one self-imposed-challenge that wasn't requested by the game in some manner and that was a nuzlocke run of Blue version.

So adding a challenge to my favorite game was a fantastic experience!

Notes I just wanted to say today about that run: If anyone enjoys FFT I honestly recommend giving it a shot for the unique story it lends itself to. I do recommend skipping the rules until after the second battle but that's up to YOU to decide.

My first post on the subject is me complaining about spending 4 hours grinding out the second fight and, despite hyperbole being my natural state, that was NOT hyperbole.

It DID take 60~ restarts to beat. It DID take 4 hours. The reason is that that 2nd battle is RNG as HECK, you HAVE to have Delita do some meaningful actions, you HAVE to have the enemies miss and make poor plays, you damn near HAVE to crit a few instances to save yourself from taking too much damage.

It's a numbers game to the extreme, so I wouldn't fault anyone for 'cheating' and skipping the 2nd fight for the ruleset lol.

The memory that stands out the most for that run is actually isolated in a post in which Ramza (Purrick in this run) talks like a total badass as just ONE DUDE running into a room full of enemies. I just think on that as a great encapsulated view of what it was like. The run started off face grindingly difficult, but because FFT is a game that offers so much freedom to the player it was extremely easy to 'break' the game into making Purrick overpowered as hell.

That's something I love about some tactical RPGs, I love having the ability to play smart so that I can play stupid later on, and breaking the game into making him one shot god is certainly a good payoff for playing smart early on :P

RetQuick: I miss RetQuick, it was primarily a short experiment I did in 2015 where I'd play a game for a short span of time (REALLY short, like 10-20 minutes) and record that for the purpose of making gifs and saying a short piece on what I thought.

It's one of those formats where the purpose was pretty shallow- but had a reason. I wanted to try making some gifs with some tools that existed online, so I made an excuse to do just that.

I also wanted to play a TON of games, usually through emulation on my sister's PSP, and this let me do that.

These two minor goals came together and so I spent a while making RetQuicks which were honestly more fun to make than they had any right to be. I mean the gifs were tedious but the playing? The thought sharing? The end product ocassionally having more appeal than just a photoset? It was fun.

I'm thinking whenever I have trouble picking a game for the blog I'll revisit the format... sorta.

I already reused it for a short stint to show clips I had no plan on expanding into a playthrough, but that died as well as it was too similar to Tidbits posts (another tag I no longer really use).

My thought is to rebrand retquick as something of a tryout for what game comes next. Play a handful of my backlog games for an hour or so each and say some thoughts before saying which one I'll continue as the main game for that period of time.

Old Tag Stuff: One of those things that only sticks to me since I made the decisions but it's always funny for me to look back on my old posts because I was apprehensive as hell toward making my posts visible. The reason my early playthroughs on the My-Tags page are variants of Ret instead of just "The name of the game so people can find this post" is because I felt like a liveblog would just spam the tag to hell-

Something I don't remotely feel bad for doing anymore.

So I avoided getting any sort of spotlight for quite a while on the blog for little reason.

Why Retphienix?: This is just a dumb thought I wanted to share and I'm sure I've said before.

It stands for retro!

Yeah!

Ain't that dumb and also not a real shorthand? lol

I think I have some sort of deer in headlights anxiety towards naming things, I mean do you think I think Full Impressions is a good summation for a video? I don't. But perhaps that's overshadowed by the other inexperiences and anxiety driven decisions that had- doesn't matter.

Retphienix is Retphienix because I sat there in 2015 and thought "Well... what do I name an alt account?"

My main is Redphienix, which yes, is ALSO a terrible name AND is misspelled. But it's that because of sentimental reasons. As a kid I misspelled Redphoenix when making my gamertag (I knew how to spell Phoenix back then as well, I was too excited about xbox live and misspelled it) and it's become something of a sentimental misspelling.

So I wanted to make a mix on that for my game blog, but I had no idea what. In the end I thought "RetroPhienix? I don't know. Retphienix is closer to Redphienix. I'll do that" and so it was done.

And just like how Redphienix is both bad and misspelled but exists because of sentimental reasons- Retphienix has acquired the same 'flavor' in my eye lol.

Aspirations for the blog: I have no immediate ramp up plans or road map or whatever, and in truth I'll be happy if the blog stays just as it is forever- up until tumblr ends- I cry over lost posts- and I reopen it on another platform.

But I do have blurry half-considered daydreams that I'd like to see happen for the blog through some hard work or shifts on my part.

One is something I'm already doing kinda, hence my embarrassing means of bringing it up a lot lately. Videos- I want those. I wanna make some looks back on series people don't talk about that I enjoy, I want to make videos sharing my thoughts on games I beat for the blog (like what full impressions kinda was, but I don't think they'll have a unified name from here on out). Maybe retrospectives, but mostly when I think of making a video tied to retphienix or me in general it's me looking at a game that said something to me, and saying it louder with my own interpretations on it.

You know the kind, videos where they talk about a video game but not the whole thing- just a singular message they really heard loud and clear from it intentionally or not. I dig those and I know I end a lot of games having plenty to say that could be directed into such a format.

We'll see.

And I'm along for the ride on that one as well- currently I'm keeping my eyes on whatever is directly next, which happens to be "I plan on playing Omori, if it clicks as something to talk about I would like to take a shot at that in a video too!"

The other is that I'd like to build a small community. Wouldn't know the first thing on doing that in a modern sense, but just a little online friend group to chat with and play games together. Something that could open up multiplayer and coop experiences being better shared on the blog and would just in general expand my gaming to what it used to be back on the 360 when I had a large group to play with.

Since the 360 era ended I've pretty much closed off- stopped playing competitive games due to lack of interest- and slowed down to playing all games either solo, with randoms (and no mic usually), or with my cousin. It's a rare instance when I play with some good people like @gamesception or another friend of mine, John.

When I diverted from playing competitive games nonstop toward other genres I didn't intend to also cut out all my online gaming buds, it just kinda happened, and I never really put any effort into rectifying that.

So more or less I'd like to one day sit down and work on a discord server, and then buck up and put the leg work in to make some gamin' buds again, but that's such a vague concept anymore.

Sounds all sad and what not but it's more ambivalent, I made decisions that

changed how gaming worked for me after the 360 and this is just where it landed for better and worse- I'd just like to see if I can make it a little better :P

General things I think when I think retphienix: Honestly? I think of how much fun I've had over the years and how thankful I am to have had an outlet that encouraged me to explore more of the medium.

I REALLY love games. I went to college for games, I've written LEAGUES about games, I've played countless games, my childhood was games, my adult life is games- games games games yada yada yada.

So when I think of retphienix I think of how without it I probably wouldn't have explored a lot of the corners of gaming that I have.

I genuinely, and I mean this, might not have sat down and beaten FF7 for myself and would have considered the amount I played as a kid to be enough.

I might not have played Chrono Trigger yet, and I KNOW I wouldn't have played Chrono Cross, and I'm happy as hell to have played both of those. CT was a mind blowing moment for me that showed me just how good an RPG can be, and CC gave me miles to think of in terms of innovating an RPG and how beholden to the narrative a sequel should be (I don't feel CC should have been chrono at all lol).

I DEFINITELY wouldn't have given New Vegas another chance. And I know I'm a sourpuss on NV, I've been that way since I maxed my achievements on the 360 for it, but replaying it really did reveal to me how exceedingly negative I was being.

My memories had become "It's brown and a boring location >:(" and "The factions all suck and it doesn't do anything with the idea of bad factions >:(" and became "It's... a little brown guys, not a big fan of the area" and "They didn't do enough with exploring the gray factions" while adding "Wait. This is pretty damn fun. And 90% of the additions are stellar. And I forgot about Dead Money, my favorite dlc in any game ever with a story that tears at my heart every time I think of it, NV good actually?"

Faxanadu would have remained a cool game I saw on SSFF and not a game I played to the end and fell in love with the aesthetic feel it has!

Also that's a game I cheated like crazy on lol, I would do it again! Save state scumming games meant to be rudely difficult is only fair :P

I probably would have never sat down to play through Windwaker which was such a positive and uplifting experience that I now get the most relaxed and warm feeling in my heart when I see those blue waves.

There's so many experiences I would have left on the table in favor of like... putting more hours into a live service title or something.

Maybe, and no offense to my cousin or anyone else playing it, but maybe I'd be no-lifing World of Warcraft nonstop just stagnating my interest toward the skinner box mechanics of an MMO?

Some offense, actually but lightheartedly lol.

But beyond the entire games I've played for the blog, when I think retphienix I picture all the time making gifs, all those games I played on the PSP for short stints, buying a retron 5 to add to what I could explore and being stoked when they shipped a freebie box of old controllers to go with it, getting angry at the retron for being a Piece Of Shit lol, crying at the end of damn near every game with an emotional story because I'm a big emotional mess of a person who finds investing and crying at a story way too easy thanks to empathy pulls, oh!-

Getting excited whenever I found that I had a "*controversial*" opinion that no one would care about lol. Like the one that comes to mind is that I thoroughly believe that Dragon Ball Z II: Gekishin Freeza!! for the NES is WAY better than the fandom recognized and appreciated sequel/remake Dragon Ball Z: Legend of the Super Saiyan!

How many people do you hear talking about either game, let alone saying the NES game that is roughly half of the SNES remake is the better one :P But I stand by that! The SNES one is a remake of DBZ1 and 2 for the NES but it loses all the charm and some of the fun of the NES ones by being a lackluster SNES game!

lol

I admitted wholeheartedly that this post would be a lit-

little directionless (gotta love the new tumblr poster making me break sentences like that), but to sum things up.

It's been 6 years. It's been an untold amount of work to be honest- liveblogging a game, at least for me, hasn't been the easiest thing. It's a lot of thinking out my thoughts (heh), it's a lot of learning tools to make the capturing process possible, it's a lot of experimenting, it's a lot of writing and editing, and, well, sometimes it's just tough.

I mean I went to school for coding, not video editing, not writing, not image processing, not this or that- but this hobby has introduced a lot of things even if only at a VERY base level (I admit fully to using online alternatives to make gifs for instance).

I learned a lot about, well, a lot of things in order to use this blog to learn more about games- and all that work has become part of why I've loved all 6 years of this blog.

6 years of gaming, work, and you all- and it's been worth the investment :) Here's to many more and all of you whether you stumble upon this post or not- literally anyone who's interacted in these 6 years, thank you, and anyone who hasn't I offer you well wishes as well.

<3

[thedispatched]

Ok so I finally read the soompi post defending Lucas and I wanted to share my thoughts:

They presented some strong points, but their bias is also pretty obvious and they always land with such bold assumptions that just don't make sense. It makes me a bit skeptical.

Anyway, I'll start with the information they got from the ooooshiiim account and the twitter prediction account:

The user ids they represented are def real, that can be easily confirmed by going to websites that translate user handles to ids.

But them comparing one manga character to lucas and assuming that somehow that disproves OP 1's claims is hilarious LMAO. The description of the fictional character would literally fit most male idols, idk how they went like "oh this guy severely resembles lucas, another evidence yay!"

As with the Instagram account, I can't seem to find it?? If, say, it's really OP, did they happen to find the soompi post and decided to delete the Instagram account/change the username? This is also poses the possibility that the Instagram account isn't actually real, but I guess we'll never know.

I also wish the soompi lumi provided a link to the account and some more elaboration on how their cyber investigator found it through the twitter acc's digital footprints. The manga part is very elaborate but most else is just pretty vague which I find a bit questionable?

The said fabrication of the chat records: doesn't the gaps depend on what version of WeChat it is? I searched for "wechat screenshots" and some gaps can indeed be as big as the ones in the chat records.

It would also have been better if they highlighted the gap inconsistencies/misalignments they are pointing out because personally I don't see it(but maybe it's just my eyes bluffing).

I don't have much to say about the schedule parts since I don't follow their schedules closely and I'm too lazy to search for it, but I guess what those fans said do make sense.

The voice messages: I don't have much to say either since I don't speak korean. But last time I heard the alleged voice message and the bubble one lumis are using as proof, they didn't sound alike. But then again, I don't know korean.

The sasaeng photos: I guess it also kinda makes sense. But I feel like the fan who said they got the same photo OP 1 had provided should have just showed a screenshot of her conversation with the sasaeng she claims to be selling them, I mean, the photo is already out, so what difference of not specifying which photo it is/not showing the screenshots of her conversation with the sasaeng would make?

The ring part: the soompi lumi's argument also seems pretty valid. It really does not look like his finger.

The OP 2 part: I don't know mandarin or cantonese so I can't really comment on the nuances the fans are trying to point out. I don't understand the red boxes though, were those part of the original photos OP 2 provided or are they highlights of the misalignments lumis are trying to point out?

The OP 3 part: Oh they can definitely be a guy, but it's also possible that they didn't use their actual gender in the account(I myself do that all the time, for privacy reasons). But once again, we will never know which is true.

The photo is indeed very questionable. Why is the background blurred? Why are there plushies everywhere? Why is there a reflection of what seems like a man in the glass when they're supposedly alone? But there seems to be a door and a small hallway reflected on the glass too? It looks clean and hotel-like. And the one who took the photo seemed to be sitting right besides him based on the photo's angle. If it's taken by a sasaeng staff as fans have claimed, how did the sasaeng staff secretly took a photo like that while literally sitting besides lucas and with other people around them(like the "man in the glass") without the other people in the dorm questioning what the fuck is that staff doing? But another explanation I can think of(if the photo really came from a sasaeng staff) is that a member took the photo(with Lucas being aware of it) and somehow the sasaeng staff managed to get it?

With OP 3's chat records, again I don't see the gap mistakes or misalignment they are pointing out, I again tried to look at WeChat examples on the internet and the difference between the size of the messages and the dates is a normal thing, so is the gap between 2 messages vs the gap at bottom of the chat. And the "difference" between the two s's in lucas's username they are pointing out is honestly ridiculous. The photo is taken from an asymmetrical angle, of course the sizes would look unequal.

The sleeping photos: the plushies' textures don't look the same, dorm plushie looks more rough while the plushie Lucas is sleeping with looks softer and fuzzier. And if it was taken by a sasaeng in the wayv dorm as fans have claimed, how the hell is the sasaeng within such a close proximity? There's so many people in the dorm and I doubt they'd be all asleep at that time to not notice that a sasaeng is right besides their sleeping member literally photographing him.

The jacket and photo receipts: Oh I've seen this on another article. I'm convinced with the debunking of the jacket part, and receipts are everywhere in the internet. I guess it isn't impossible that OP 3 might have just took the receipts somewhere online.

OP 4's surfing video: Yes, same pose, but different angles? That does not look exactly the same as the one he showed in his socials. But that black spot is definitely questionable.

OP 4's WeChat records: Oh another questionable one. Especially the imbalance in the color value. But once I again I think it would have been better if they provided the links to the other debunk posts they included because man I can't see the cutting traces in the chats that they are pointing out.

OP 1's second post: again I think the difference in wechat date layouts depend on the version? And why did most koreans themselves didn't question the difference in OP 1's wechat? Like if korean wechat really don't look like that, wouldn't they point it out?

"their account creation dates and account activity all falls within the same time period." Um no?? 2015, 2019, 2018 are same time periods??

In conclusion, as I said before, I think the soompi lumi presented strong points that really make you question the credibility of the allegations, but their intense bias towards lucas makes them quite questionable, too. And the way they treat every debunk post like the absolute divine truth is pretty off-putting.

I'm convinced not everything in the allegations are true. I'm just curious about the severity of his actions. Maybe he dated them, but maybe he wasn't an asshole? But if that's the case why would they try to ruin his image if he treated them right? Or maybe he really was an asshole but some of the story isn't true? Ah I'm still so confused of what to think but I believe there has to be some truth in the story, but just how bad is the truth???

thank you for sending me your thoughts! it's always interesting to see what other people think. (and sorry for the late reply!)

i'm not gonna say much as i've talk about my thoughts on the post already.

i agree about the manga, it's absolutely ridiculous how comparing one manga character to lucas debunks their claims. that's just one example of one of the far fetched assumptions that made me lean more towards not believing the article.

part of me also wondered if they created the ig account for their article but like you said, we’ll never know.

even if it doesn’t look like his finger in the messages, I’m pretty sure he mentioned winwin in the texts ??

I know some people blur the background of photos for either aesthetic, or mostly for privacy reasons.

I honestly don’t know how people are seeing a man in the reflection. It’s a literally blob. You can’t make out any (person) shape.

The jacket and receipts is the only thing I took away from that article that I actually kind of believed. I talked about this with another anon. That is super easy to fake, but the photos were also originally blurry so a “blur” around the words would be hard to solidify as evidence unless the photo is in ultra hd or something lol. But to me this is the most believable to be fake.

I once saw a twitter thread pointing out how the messages weren’t photoshopped and explained why they looked “misaligned” or whatever but I can’t remember what it said exactly besides auto translations. I won’t be able to find it again because it was so long ago :/

Someone can correct me if I’m wrong but wechat is more of a China thing? Like not a lot of people outside of China/non-Chinese use it. You’re right about why Koreans didn’t point it out, but I don’t think they’d know if they don’t use it ??

You asked a lot of questions and pointed out a lot of things that are something to think about, but I don’t think anyone has a clear answer unless you have an extreme bias.

I also wondered the severity of his actions. I think this whole thing is a mix of truth and lies. We all want to know the truth and the worst part is we never will. Like you said, how bad is the truth?

(I might edit this later and add some stuff 😅)