#The rest get put into little boxes labeled bad and good and anything that conflicts with that opinion is ignored

[spear-carrier-number-three]

the rampant kant hate in this fandom isn't surprising but it is exasperating.

[sneezefiction]

dance with me

Bokuto x Reader - Scenario

event request: “Can you do prompt 2. Dance with me for Bokuto?? Congrats btw!”

a/n: i’m always down to write anything for Bokuto, bb. enjoy some fluffy, slow-dancing moments with your fiancé, Bo, for me please, love!!

warnings: mentions of marriage & engagements

wc: 1350

---

“Y/n, can you set that down for a minute?” Bokuto’s grin peeks over the top of your paperback book as he pushes it down with his hands.

“But Bo, I’m at the best part!” You whine, pulling it towards your chest, away from his grasp.

He’s leaning over you now, a signature pout adorning his expression. You try not to look up, but you can’t help it.

No.

Not those eyes.

His puppy-dog expression tugs at your heartstrings in the worst way. His eyebrows are knitted together with such sorrow, imploring you to give him your undivided attention.

“For me? Please.” He’s begging. Again, a puppy-dog. 

“I just want to be with you…” His head is tilted, eyes pleading.

You sigh helplessly. So needy.

But you give him a soft smile, gently marking the chapter and setting aside your beloved book for the boy you love even more.

His eyes light up immediately, Bokuto’s smile is beaming at full-force once again. Just as it should be.

“Fine-” 

As soon as he gets verbal confirmation, he’s grabbing you firmly by the underneath of your thighs and lifting you up off the couch causing you to gasp. Your balance is thrown completely off. He laughs as you frantically tuck your legs behind his back and throw your arms around his neck to keep yourself from falling backward.

With that, you give him a frustrated frown, but the moment his eyes crinkle with mischief, you know you’re in trouble. He squeezes your thighs, tickling you, which forces you to abandon your forced frown and sends you into a bout of bubbling laughter.

A peachy blush forms across his grinning face at the sound of your voice, even though he’s the one who’s supposed to be getting you flustered. Bokuto buries his face into the crook of your neck, drawing your body even closer to his. You tighten your hold around his neck, loving the way his soft, grey hair brushes against your face.

Bokuto is always trying to find new ways to incite that divine sound. 

It’s like music to his ears… 

Music...

“AH MUSIC.” He blurts out, jolting his head back to face you, a flash of excitement glimmering in his golden-yellow eyes.

His sudden movement shouldn’t have startled you since he’s almost never calm for more than a few seconds, but you still haven’t fully adapted to his chaotic tendencies.

“Babe, what?” You question, cocking an eyebrow at his goofy expression. 

“Ahhh, just come with me!” He expresses impatiently.

“Bo, you’re literally carrying me.” You state, but not without a laugh.

So he sets you down gently, allowing your feet to meet the floor before immediately dashing to the next room over, leaving you confused and wondering what your boisterous sweetheart was getting you into this time.

But in all truth, you’ve never loved someone more.

Before Bokuto, you’d always fallen for short-term lovers. “Bad boys,” as Bokuto now cheesily refers to them as.

It was easy to fall for their mysterious, eye-catching personalities and attractive faces. 

They promised you pretty things. Long, steamy nights in dim-lit hotel rooms. Flirty, messy kisses in darkened theaters. Yes, your past boyfriend’s showered you in dirty, devoted promises about what they would do to you.

But it was never about what they would do for you.

You would always end up wishing for more. For something beautiful to happen in the slower, cloudier moments of life. For someone to last longer than the sunny, sensual seconds…

Yet they never stuck around to share the little things. You were always racing against time. Any ounce of conflict or trouble would crumble the already shaky foundation of your relationship.

It was never like that with Bokuto.

It didn’t bother him if you were sick, blowing your nose for 4 days straight or leaning over a toilet seat. He was there. Never leaving you alone except to get groceries or medicine. Holding your hair back and buying you boxes of tissues and cough drops. He would gladly catch a cold for you.

It didn’t matter that you were trapped inside your apartment on your 2 year anniversary, sheets of pouring rain coasting across the window panes, the weather laughing at your attempts to go out. Bokuto was impossible to faze in moments like these. He lit candles across the kitchen counter-tops when the power gave out and wrapped his arms around your shoulders as you concocted a dessert of some sort. You two consumed ungodly amounts of cookie dough that night and shared in celebratory chocolate kisses.

It didn’t change when you were grief-stricken. When you’d locked yourself behind a closet door, sobbing and mourning your most recent loss. He would sit on the opposite side of the door. Waiting for you. Crying with you. That small space under the door? Bokuto used it to feel around for your fingers, linking them together with his digits when he found them. That day, and many times after, he coaxed you out of real and metaphorical closets with loving, gentle words. 

It’s why you chose to set that precious book down today. 

It’s why you let him hold you whenever he’s feeling needy or lonely, a knowing smile etched onto your face.

It’s why you decided to put on that gold-laced engagement ring. Why you accepted his teary-eyed marriage proposal months ago.

Because for so long, you couldn’t see yourself with anyone for more than a couple months at most. It always seemed to end no matter how much effort you put into your side of the relationship.

Yet Bo gave you every reason to believe that he would stick around, making you feel like you always had a place by his side. That you were always wanted. Worthy of a lifelong commitment. 

And whether you liked it or not, he would’ve bugged you until you agreed to marry him, so it’s probably a good thing you accepted the first time around.

You’re snapped out of your thoughts because just as soon as he had raced out of the room, he’s back with a newfound energy, hands full with a massive Bluetooth speaker and a fully-charged phone.

The moment it’s set up, he’s choosing a song. His eyes dash through all of his beloved playlists labeled with strangely specific names. You peer over his shoulder, catching a glimpse of the one he’s scrolling through.

The playlist is titled “Dance With Me.”

You burst into another soft fit of giggles over the lovey-dovey name, causing him to turn his head, much like a curious owl.

He had the makings to be a charmer. And a cheeseball.

Both, for sure.

“Y/nnnn, don’t make fun of me! I need to practice for the wedding, don’t I?” He wiggles his eyebrows at you like a schoolboy with a crush.

A smile silently adorns your features.

With the click of a song, your ears are blessed with the melodic flow of R&B, thick with bluesy guitars and lyrical loveliness. A true slow jam, perfect for rocking on heels and leaning into broad shoulders.

You roll your eyes, throwing your arms around his neck for the 2nd time today.

“We’ve still got 8 months til we’re married, baby.” You remind him, your heart jumping at your own words. 

8 short months.

8 months until forever.

Forever with your favorite person.

And it doesn’t scare you. No, the flutters in your stomach are reassuring and brimming with excitement. 

You couldn’t wait.

So you rest your forehead against his, staring deeply into his contemplative orbs.

As you two sway to the beat, you can tell he’s thinking. Pondering that sentence. Cultivating a response. You can feel it in the way his thumbs stroke the sides of your hips in deliberation.

He’s searching your gaze and his own mind. Drawing a conclusion.

You just wait. Swaying to the beat, drinking in his almond, vanilla scent, patiently watching his thought process unfold before you.

“I just wish it were sooner.” He whispers, eyes locked on yours.

Oh.

Oh Bokuto.

You release your hold around his neck, slowly drawing your face away from his and moving your hands toward his features. The slow dancing pauses, his feet subconsciously planting themselves on the floor in curious anticipation of what’s to come.

Your knuckles stroke his cheekbones, causing him to flush slightly. Fingers brush against his jawline, your eyes now concentrated on his lips.

How dare he speak such beautiful things with that mouth. Always so smooth when you least expect it.

You lean in, giving him a soft peck, lingering on his lips for just for a moment. Enough to tease him. Because it’s so unfair of him to say things like that... 

When he knows full well that you would marry him right here, on the spot.

Under the broken chandelier in your dingy apartment’s living room, you would dedicate your whole life to him, vows and all, while twirling to a playlist called “Dance With Me.”

---

tags: @cherryonigiri, @yams046, @kaidasen, @miss-rin

(comment or send an ask to be added to my general tag list)

[parachutingkitten]

Which Ninja Has Really Had The Most Focus Seasons? Let’s Find Out!

I am not here to end the focus ninja debate, I’m here to perpetuate it. We tend to squabble over the little things when we talk about this. Who gets to open their eyes in the beginning of the episode? Who’s on the set boxes? What counts as a real season? Well, I’ve come up with a system to try and quantify some of this. Now, it’s not perfect, and you might disagree with what I put where, or even the structure of my system, but I think the results are a fair estimate of how much time the writers actually spend with each character. And also, there are some pretty interesting conclusions to look at, so if you want to know more, join me under the cut :)

(Fair warning, this is a lengthy one)

How Does This Work?

I have 4 tiers of points. Focus, half focus, sub focus, and misc. Focus is worth 4 points, and is for ninja who are the sole focus of a full-length season. Half focus is worth 3 points, and is for focus ninja of split seasons, or seasons that share focus ninja. Sub focus is worth 2 points, and is for ninja who have a large, season defining plotline, but aren’t important enough to be the sole focus. I use this category to settle a lot of the debatable seasons. Misc. is worth 1 point, and is for the focus ninja of a short/special, sub focus of a half season, and other little things like that. Whatever ninja earns the most focus points has had the most focus time dedicated to them (theoretically).

I will be including all of the seasons, along with the pilot episodes, Day of the Departed, and the Prime Empire shorts, because these are pretty solidly essential viewing when watching the show. I’m not including stuff like Wu’s Tea, and those original ninjago shorts cuz… well, first off, I don’t think anyone really cares about them, but also, they’re not essential, and don’t really have focus ninja anyway. For the record, I am counting March of the Oni as a special and not a season. And no, I’m not including the movie. Duh.

I’m awarding points to any character I feel earns one, but not villains. Of course, villains are going to get decent screen time, that’s how basic plot structure works. In addition to characters, I will also be awarding points to an ensemble category, for any seasons that do not have a focus ninja. Though, the ensemble can only earn points at the focus and half focus levels. The ensemble earning points for sub focus just… doesn’t make sense. Like yeah, the rest of the cast is there… in every season. That’s how having a cast of characters generally works.

I would also like to add that this does not take into account the quality of the seasons. There’s always a debate to be had that the highest scoring ninja deserves another season, cuz the ones they’ve had are bad. I’m just interested in quantity. Alright? And again, this isn’t an end all be all answer, it’s just a set of numbers based on my perception of each season. I just want to start some more informed discussion. 

And last but not least, spoilers.

The Breakdown:

(if you don’t care about my reasoning in assigning points, feel free to skip to the results) 

Pilot Episodes

Kai is the focus character in these. I don’t know that anyone’s gonna fight me on that one. This is a special, so 1 point for Kai.

Season 1

Now, this one’s a bit trickier, because Kai is still noticeably the main character, but compared to the pilots, his role seems pretty equal within the cast of the OG 4. The season is about all of them growing as individuals and as a team together. Kai serves more as an insider POV than a real pure focus. I’m going to dub this an ensemble season (4 points) with a sub focus on Kai (2 points)

Season 2

Lloyd is definitely central to the plot this season, and does do the whole final battle thing, but again, the season is more about the ninja training Lloyd than Lloyd himself. Additionally, Kai serves as narrator this season, and gets himself some pretty sizable speeches etc. Again, I’m going to give ensemble 4 points for focus, and Kai and Lloyd both get 2 points each for sub focus.

Season 3

This is a Zane season. He gets the final battle, and the big realizations, and the love interest, it’s his season. There are some sizable sub plots this season, but none of them big enough to give anyone sub focus points. 4 points to Zane.

Season 4

This is a Kai season. He has the angst and love interest; he gets the points. Now, some people might think Zane earns sub points because the plot focuses on finding him, but that doesn’t mean he got more screen time than normal. That’s a plot device, not character time. He has a good little mini arc, but like… so does Garmadon, and Lloyd, and pretty much everyone. Kai gets 4 points.

Season 5

This season doesn’t have a focus ninja. Lloyd does get the intro, but he’s possessed half the season. Again, that’s a plot device, not character time. I’m labeling this as an ensemble season, so 4 more points to ensemble. The two arcs that really define this season are Nya becoming the water ninja, and Cole becoming a ghost. 2 points each for sub focus.

Season 6 

This is a Jay season. This is undebatably a Jay season. 4 points for Jay. In fact, this season focuses on Jay to such an extent that they actively kick other characters out of the show in order to focus on him more. That’s getting him an extra point, cuz it’s kinda ridiculous, and this is my thing so I can do what I want. Now, this season focuses a lot on his relationship with Nya. He shares his title card with her. That’s not nothing. She has a sizable arc, and noticeable presence. I’m giving her 2 points for sub focus.

Day of the Departed

This is a Cole special. Do I really have to explain myself on this one? 1 point for Cole.

Season 7

Our first split season! This is a pretty clear-cut Kai and Nya season. I wouldn’t say one overpowers the other. They share the spotlight pretty well. 3 points each for half season.

Season 8

This is a Lloyd season. It’s his dad getting brought back, his angsty drama, his love interest, his season. 4 points for Lloyd. There are some other noticeable plotlines, but none of them big enough to award points for.

Season 9

Another split season, this time taking place in two separate locations. Season 9 in Ninjago is pretty much just season 8 continued. Same tone, location, conflict, everything. This half is still a Lloyd Season. 3 half season points to him. The half in the first realm is harder to pin down though. It’s mostly an ensemble season, but I do feel Wu and Cole’s relationship plays a big enough role to earn them some points, especially since it’s a multi season arc. I’m going to use the misc. category to award them both 1 point.

March of the Oni

This is a Lloyd special. I mean, they had some pretty good ensemble stuff, and them giving the intro to Cole was cute and all but... It’s Lloyd’s special. He dies and talks to God before being resurrected. Classic main character stuff. 1 point to Lloyd.

Season 11

It’s a split season again! But I would like to award full focus to the ensemble. Both chapters either focus way too much on side characters or split the time pretty equally between the core cast for it to be anything else. 4 points to the ensemble. But I would like to single out Kai and Wu as both having significant arcs. The first chapter spends a lot of time on Wu’s past, mistakes, and guilt. And Kai’s arc is put noticeably center, resolving in the last episode of the season. I’d like to give these two 1 misc. point each. To those who would argue that Zane needs points for his ice chapter… no. First of all, he was gone for the majority of the ice chapter, and was being used, yet again, as a plot device rather than a character. And also, technically, that would conflict with my no points to villains rule.

Prime Empire Shorts

These are weird, but most of them focus on Jay’s experience in Prime Empire, so 1 point goes to him.

Season 12

Now, this is, at least as of right now, a half season. It’s 16 10-minute episodes, that’s one chapter’s worth, so I’m going to award points accordingly. Now, a lot of people might think this is a Jay season, but the story doesn’t follow Jay’s perspective. That’s what the prime empire shorts were for. The story follows the ninja going to find Jay. And yes, based on episode descriptions, there is an episode where Jay fights a boss all by himself, but it’s not the final boss, and it’s only one episode where he’s on his own. I mean, Okino had his own episode this season, and this isn’t an Okino season. So, though I will award him 1 point for being a sub focus in a half season, I’m awarding 3 half focus points to the ensemble.

Results:

Chart version of the points awarded in my explanations above

Total points gathered by each person

Number of times a person was awarded any number of points

Number of times a person was awarded 3 or more points

Conclusions:

Well, there are several things I got out of this. Obviously, Kai scored highest in most categories. He was the main character of the pilot, so it’s really not surprising that the writers have ideas for his character. That being said, I do find it funny that, even though we would all agree that Lloyd is the series’ overall main character, he does not appear in the pilot. People watching the pilot to get a feel for the series would be missing the most important character. That’s just really funny to me. Additionally, the main character of the show did not score the most focus points. He was in the double digits though, so he really can’t complain too much.

The Times High Ranking Points Were Earned data refers to times a character got points for being the focus ninja of a season/half season. For all of the fuss people give about Kai and Lloyd having like 5 seasons, it’s really only 2 each that they have an undebatable hold on. And on top of that, they both only have one all to themselves. Kai having season 4 and sharing season 7, and Lloyd having season 8 and sharing season 9. They do have an absurd amount of sub focus on top of all that though, which is definitely what trips everyone up.

I was surprised Nya scored as well as she did, especially for joining the team late. In fact, if you take off the bonus point I gave to Jay, she would actually score higher than him. Even though she doesn’t have a solo focus season, she has a decent amount of focus in 3 consecutive seasons. Also, Wu made it on the board, which is good for him.

Again, unsurprisingly, Cole scored lowest in almost all categories. There’s a reason the Cole fans are pissed. The 0 high ranking points stat is really telling and seriously stings. But, the one thing he did score well on was times points were earned. Though he has little personal focus, the focus that he has is recurring and spread across the series. I would also like to add that he didn’t even score any points for his ongoing friendship arc with Jay, which did put his character fairly center stage for a while. I mean, though Cole doesn’t have any big focus areas, I would still say he’s got some decent development with several multi season arcs. He’s definitely not being totally ignored by the series or anything.

On the opposite side, one of the saddest things to me personally is that Zane was not only tied with Cole for focus points, but also was ranked lowest (lower than even Wu) in times points were earned. That means season 3 is the only point in the series when he held any meaningful and sustained focus. There are no shorts for him, or larger important plot lines, it’s just season 3. I mean, he was supposed to have more focus than Cole, right? We always rag on the fact that Cole doesn’t have a season, so he must have the least focus. Zane had his own season, surely he would have scored higher! But when you look back you realize that even though he’s had presence, the amount of meaningful stuff he actually does is pretty minimal. Seriously, writers, time to get this droid some sub focus.

Speaking of droids, I would like to bring up something I’m sure no one else was thinking about while doing this, and that’s Pixal. Pixal has been a part of the show since season 3 and has technically been working on the team ever since Season 4. By the looks of season 11, the writers want to include her as part of the main cast. They gave her a plot with Kai, Cole, and Jay where she basically led the defense of the monastery. She got her first solo episode in the ice chapter. Though the episodes aren’t out yet, season 12 episode descriptions seem to have her taking on a more active and offensive role and operating on equal footing with Zane. She is a member of the core cast now. Although she did join recently, it is interesting that a full-fledged member of the team didn’t score any points. Both Lloyd and Nya officially joining the team earned them some sub focus points. I just find it interesting that Pixal’s joining the team didn’t get her the same. Maybe there’s a more formal ‘joining the team’ arc for her coming in the future, but as for right now, she remains in this strange focus-less limbo.

My favorite finding though is that the ensemble category just dominated pretty much everything. Ninjago at its core is an ensemble show, and I honestly think it’s at its best when it just functions as one. What are some of the fandom’s least favorite seasons? 3, 6, and 7, right? These are all very clear-cut ninja focus seasons. I really think the fandom needs to stop forcing ninja labels onto every single season, cuz it really doesn’t do them any real service. It just makes you disappointed that X ninja is getting yet another season, or this X ninja season isn’t focusing enough on X ninja. Just enjoy the show for what it is! An ensemble show! The ninja shine best when they interact off of each other, not when they’re left to process their troubles alone.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. Feel free to comment any other cool data connections I missed! I hope this did a little bit to enhance your perspective on focus seasons, focus ninja, etc. It also probably made focus sound like a non word, so I’m sorry about that one. I know this is a long one, so seriously, thanks for reading! 

[megalony]

All for Ellie- Part 3

Another part of my latest dad! Ben Hardy series which I hope everyone is enjoying so far.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @luvborhap @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac

Series masterlist

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You alright?" Leaning her head back on the sofa, (Y/n) tried to smile at Ben as he walked through from the kitchen. Stopping to stand behind the sofa so he could talk to her, one of those looks on his features that showed it wasn't anything bad but it wasn't necessarily good either.

Turning around, Ben leaned his frame onto the back of the sofa, his arms folding against the top of it before he reached his hand out towards Rosie. Smiling at the two-year-old who was sitting on (Y/n)'s lower stomach, leaning up against her mother's legs that were pulled up to accommodate their girl. Reaching out, Rosie grabbed hold of Ben's hand, giggling when (Y/n) started to tickle her sides.

"She won't get out of bed." Ben responded, giving (Y/n) a certain look as she bit her lower lip in response. Both of them knew this was going to happen.

Last night Ellie had started to be sick and when she was sick she started to get grumpy, especially if she was also tired. She hated being ill and that hurt them all because they knew she was going to have to get worse before she got better. The eight-year-old had a disrupted sleep and was still not very well now so she was refusing to leave her bed. At any other time, Ben would have gladly laid down with her and watched tv, letting her stay in bed for as long as she wanted. But Ellie had been in bed for four days now.

She had gone from being in bed at home with Danni to being in bed at home with Ben and she wasn't moving. Ben wanted her to at least try and come downstairs because she hadn't been sick hour hours now. It wasn't the best thing for her to lay motionless in an unhappy mood and he was beginning to worry what she would be like next week when they started radiotherapy. That would really make her ill and take its toll on her, Ben didn't want her to just become immobile for the next few weeks.

"I thought she was going to the scan with you?" (Y/n) responded, glancing to the clock on the wall before back to Ben. He would have to leave in about ten minutes or so to meet Danni since they were going for their first scan today.

Ellie had gone to the scans when (Y/n) was pregnant with Rosie and Ben and Danni said she could come along this time too and she seemed excited about it. (Y/n) thought the little girl would be fussing around with what to wear and getting ready since she liked to be early or on time for everything. She seemed happy last night about going with them.

(Y/n) was beginning to feel conflicted about everything herself.

One moment it seemed fine, especially when Ellie was around because she reminded (Y/n) the reason why this was happening. She reminded (Y/n) that Ben still loved her and he wasn't leaving her or Rosie, this was just an awkward situation. But then at other times such as when Ben brought up the scan, (Y/n) couldn't help but feel like a balloon that was slowly deflating.

This was Ben's baby and (Y/n) understood that completely. He loved all his children and he liked to be involved with everything which was why he was going to this scan today with Danni. But thinking about it sent waves of sadness and jealousy through (Y/n) because this shouldn't be happening. Ben shouldn't be going to a scan with his ex, it should be him and her like it was with Rosie when everything was fine. (Y/n) knew it felt and sounded selfish to think in this way but she couldn't help it. Her husband was having a child with someone else- with his ex, and she was not fine with this as much as she tried to be.

"She is- she was... I don't know, she's just in a mood now." Leaning down, Ben pressed a kiss to (Y/n)'s lips before straightening up and heading to the stairs to go and see Ellie. If she had decided she was still going she needed to get up and get dressed now so they would be on time.

Slowly walking into the light grey-bluey coloured room, Ben tilted his head to the side as he tried not to sigh at seeing Ellie hadn't moved a muscle. She was curled up in the middle of the bed, laid on her side as the tv was blurring on in the background. Although Ben couldn't tell if she was paying any attention to the programme that was showing or not. Walking over, Ben sat down on the edge of the bed, gently running his hand through her hair as she turned her head so she could see him properly.

"Alright, I'm going to pick your mum up soon for the scan. Are you coming with us?" Ben's shoulders slumped when Ellie shook her head, pulling the cover tighter over her shoulders to show that she was staying where she was. Not in the mood to go out.

"Don't feel well." She mumbled in response, watching Ben with a frown as he picked up the tv remote and turned the tv off. His head cocked to the side as he wished she would at least try and get out of bed. He knew she was unwell, of course she was going to feel unwell, her white blood cells were low meaning she was prone to infections. But Ben just wanted her to move about the house because she would make herself feel worse simply laying and sleeping all day like this.

Reaching over, he pressed the back of his hand to her temple before her neck and then leaning down to check the sick bucket resting at the side of the bed for precaution and emergencies.

"I know you don't feel great sweetheart, but you don't have a temperature anymore and you haven't been sick since last night. You can't stay in bed forever. Why don't you come downstairs, sit with (Y/n) and Rosie for a bit?"

"Can't." She muttered back, frowning at Ben's persistence to try and get her to leave the comfort of her bed. Normally he was fine with her staying in bed, he'd join her and they'd watch a movie or they'd watch tv in his room with Rosie and (Y/n). She didn't want to move, she just wanted to lie here and go to sleep for a bit longer or to just watch a movie. She wasn't feeling sick but she wasn't feeling one hundred percent either.

"You can't walk now?" Ben countered, a trace of a smile on his lips that faded when Ellie furrowed her brows and frowned at him. "Eleanor, please. You don't have to come out with me and your mum, just come downstairs." Ben huffed when she stayed quiet, staring at him as if daring him to do something. "I have to go, if you're not coming with me then you can stay downstairs with (Y/n)." A whine of protest left Ellie's lips when Ben pulled the cover from her frame before picking her up.

Leaning over he grabbed the sick bucket in one hand, keeping Ellie secured to his shoulder with the other before he walked out of the room. His head turned to look at her when she let out a small sound that resembled a sob before burying her face into the crook of his neck. Her arms tightening just a little too much around his neck but he said nothing.

Making his way back into the living room, Ben gently set Ellie down on the sofa beside (Y/n), placing the sick bucket down on the coffee table just in case it was needed. He watched Ellie grab the blanket thrown over the back of the sofa, tucking it around herself as she burrowed into (Y/n)'s side.

"What's the matter, sweetie?" (Y/n) asked, gently running her hand through Ellie's hair when she heard the little girl sniff into the blanket trying to hideaway. Her eyes glanced up to look at (Y/n) before drifting to Rosie who was now resting against her chest, smiling at her elder sister clearly not knowing that something was wrong. (Y/n) continued to brush her hand through Ellie's hair as she turned to look at Ben, wondering what was happening since Ellie clearly didn't seem very happy right now.

"She's alright. I've got to go now, I'll see you all in an hour." Ben spoke softly, leaning over so he could give Rosie a hug and a kiss, doing the same with (Y/n) before he crouched in front of Ellie. When she managed a smile Ben felt relieved as he leaned over to give her a hug, kissing her temple before pulling back so he could leave.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "How'd it go?" (Y/n) felt the familiar bubble of jealously blocking her airways as soon as the words passed through her lips. She wasn't sure if she meant them or if she was just trying to be polite but either Ben didn't notice her sudden uncomfortableness or he was trying to ignore it.

"It was good... everything's fine with the baby up to now so hopefully everything will go smoothly." Ben turned his head to the left so he could look over his shoulder at (Y/n) who was shutting one of the chest drawers. Turning around so she could lean against it, her lips pressed into a thin line as she nodded in response. Agitation clearly showed in her body language and her lack of words causing Ben's frame to slump. "You asked." He said gently before turning back so he was facing his bedside table. Opening the first drawer so he could take out the small, jet black box he kept in there.

"What?" (Y/n) couldn't determine if her tone was coming off as defensive or questioning but she knew her words weren't as gentle as Ben's had been. Pushing herself off the cabinet, (Y/n) walked over and sat down on the bed on her side.

Her eyes watched Ben's movements with intrigue as he took the lid off the box, revealing the contents which (Y/n) hadn't seen before. She watched as Ben pulled out a small collection of papers that were bound together with a paperclip, and then another matching stack. Her eyes quickly worked out that they were notes and scan pictures. He had a label on one of the paperclips that said Eleanor, and another that said Rosemary. (Y/n) knew Ben loved to collect pictures and mementoes, but she didn't know he had this particular box of memories.

Ben silently looked at some of the pictures before putting both piles back, along with the picture he took from his back pocket. The ultrasound from today.

"Memory box." He stated quietly, nudging it towards his wife to cure her curiosity since she seemed intrigued. (Y/n) gingerly took the box and slowly started looking through the scan pictures of Ellie. He even kept the piece of paper that had Ellie's hand and footprints in from when she had just been born. For being little over eight years old, each picture was kept in great condition, only one or two creases in the corners but other than that they looked almost brand new.

Carefully setting the pictures back in the box, (Y/n) handed it over to Ben who put it in the back of the drawer where he kept it.

"I know it isn't easy, if it's gonna upset you then don't ask." Ben kept his tone light and his words gentle. He didn't want to come across rude or uncaring because he knew this wasn't easy. If asking was just going to upset her then Ben didn't want her to ask. He would rather them act like each scan didn't happen or exist than have an awkward conversation about it afterwards.

"No, it's not easy. I don't know what I'm meant to do in this situation Ben... kids are a big thing for both of us and you're having another without me, it hurts."

The ratio was three to one to Ben. He was going to have three kids and (Y/n) had one because no matter how much she loved Ellie or Ben's next baby, they weren't her own like Rosie was. She didn't want to stand by and watch Ben have another child with someone else but she didn't want to leave him either because she loved him and Ellie too much. She was stuck not knowing what to do and that was a feeling that she didn't want because there was no answer to this. There was no guidebook to help either of them get through this.

"I don't have a plan, sweetheart. I'm married to you and having a baby with my ex, that isn't fun you know. I can't tell you how this will work or what to do because I don't know what I'm doing. All I know is this is another baby so I'm sorry if I smile every once in a while at the thought but that's how I get through this."

Ben didn't know what to do either. He didn't have all of this worked out, he had a plan for when the baby was born, that was the easy bit. Getting to that point was a blank slate for everyone and they were going to have to make their own way to the finish line. He couldn't tell (Y/n) what to do or how she could get through this.

He also couldn't help it if he came back from a scan with a small smile on his lips or a smile when he thought about his child because that was all he knew how to do. He thought of his children and the thought of having another and it made him smile. All he could grasp right now was that he was having another baby, it was so much easier when it was thought about in such a plain and boring way. Just another baby, not a baby to help Ellie, not a baby with Danni and not (Y/n). Just a baby.

"And I'm sorry if I can't smile with you about that. I hate this Ben, it hurts and I want you to be happy but that hurts worse." (Y/n) felt the tears welling in her eyes even though she was begging them not to fall.

"I have to do this for Ellie. I smile and grin and bear it because that's my mechanism. My drama teacher at uni tried to kick me out of his class when he knew I was having Ellie because he thought I'd be a failure, he told me to drop out and that I was a liability. Danni's parents almost disowned her and blamed me for that, my dad never looked at me in the same way again and all I can do is smile. You get angry and you cry and you have the right but all I can do is smile because this is for Ellie."

Ben had been in university one year before he had to tell his teachers of his situation. He was plainly told that he needed to drop out because he had another two years to go. He got a fail on one of his performances because he was 'lacking' and should just drop out then and there. It was his fault in Danni's parent's eyes. She was having a gap year and was going to go to university but then decided that she wouldn't since they were having Ellie. Ben's mother had been the supportive parent whilst his dad was far from happy but every time someone said something all Ben could do was bite back a sneer and plaster a smile to his features because that was all he knew how to do.

He didn't want to breakdown and cry, he didn't know what to do or how to plan for the future. All he could do was grin and nod like a puppet and it always worked.

Everything he did was for Ellie and this was no different.

[sciencelings-writes]

Iron Man Bingo: Tony Stark & Harley Keener

this is part of my 5+1 series of Tony and his kids, this one has less Tony in it which was not what I was planning but I’m mostly trying to show how much he cares, even from afar. 

Every Christmas, Harley got a ridiculously expensive gift that he knew his mother couldn’t afford. It was always labeled that it was from ‘Santa’ but Harley was anything but stupid. There was a billionaire out there that still felt bad after several years of putting him in danger once. Okay, maybe twice but Harley honestly didn’t dwell on it. He actually liked helping Tony out when he was twelve, his life was boring anyway.

Usually, it was a custom kit to build something that gradually got more and more complicated. They would be robots and other machines that kept Harley busy for a few weeks before he ended up modifying it to his own design for the rest of the year.

It was a single armed robot with gold lettering on it that cheekily spelled out ‘ANTHON-E’ or ‘TON-E’ for short. Tony wasn’t discrete. And he had a strange sense of humor.

Okay, Harley thought it was funny and the golden stickers could’ve spelled out anything he wanted. Harley was the one that thought it was funny to call the bot TON-E. But Tony did send a note with ideas for names that were just as bad. Mostly puns that ended in ‘-E.’ Most of them were not FUN-E. In fact, they were borderline SHIT-E.

But one year, the year after the shitshow that was Ultron and the breakup of the Avengers, Harley got something a little different. There was a huge box of parts and Harley audibly gasped when he took a look at the blueprints. It wasn’t a little project or a robot, it was a full-on Iron Man suit. Tony had included several colors of paint and literally everything Harley could ever hope to need to make the suit perfect, although the weapons were understandably less powerful.

They weren’t like nerf guns instead of actual guns, but they weren’t going to destroy his whole block if he fucked something up.

The only thing fully put together in the kit was the arc reactor. Sure, Harley had seen it up close, hell, he had put it back in Tony's chest that one time but it had been a few years and now that he had a better idea of what it was, he was fascinated by it. There was a note on it from Tony, it gave a personal phone number and an invitation to ask for anything else that he would need and a suggestion for a free visit to New York.

Harley was a little bit excited. When he wasn’t being watched by his little sister and mother, he literally jumped up and down with a ridiculous grin pasted on his face. It took him a full month to stop smiling and he started working on the suit immediately. He also started regularly texting Tony after years of not talking him.

Their conversations ranged from dumb shit that Harley was not ashamed of talking about to deep shit like the effect of the loss of the Avengers. It took a few months and several reminders that Harley knew how to deal with the man's panic attacks that he opened up again.

Harley may not be a therapist or anything like that, but he was the type of person that could listen to people. He listened to his mom when she broke down when he suggested she try dating again, he listened to Tony during his panic attacks and the adults always felt bad for unloading their trauma onto him but he didn’t care. Sometimes people needed someone to listen and think for them when they couldn’t think straight and Harley honestly didn’t mind being that person. He seemed to stay calm when other people would freak out.

Right before spring break, Harley finished his suit. He had fully tested it and wanted to see how it would fare for long distances, so he decided to surprise Tony by visiting. He wasn’t an asshole though, he told his mom that he was going to go visit, he just didn’t tell her that Tony didn’t even know.

Honestly, Harley only knew that Tony was going to be in the country because his AI connected to FRIDAY and she had told him Tony’s schedule for the whole month. He specifically took a few weeks off to chill out and Harley was planning on ruining it. Eh, Tony would forgive him.

He was kind of surprised that his mom let him go at all, but it turned out that she had talked to Pepper Potts and she had promised that she would make sure that Harley would be taken care of as she was sure that Tony couldn’t even take care of himself. Okay, he could but a lot of the time he forgets that human bodies had needs that had to be met every day. Like sleeping and eating.

Anyway, Harley left as soon as he could. And now he could say, flying was pretty fucking awesome. He topped out at about one thousand miles per hour, faster than a normal plane, but it would still take a while to get to New York. So he enjoyed the ride. For one, the view was beautiful, by being so high up, everything just looked so small.

Harley didn’t even think before he flew in loops and just played around with the whole concept of flight. The ducks in the air could probably hear him whooping from outside of his metal mask.  But he didn’t think that they had the brain capacity to care.  

He was in the middle of a swan dive when his visor turned red and text flashed in front of his eyes. Thankfully, it wasn’t a problem with the suit or anything like that. It was an alert for something happening nearby.

By then he had been flying for a while and was already above West Virginia. The alert just said that the AI had sighted a mugging using a nearby security camera. The guy had a gun and his AI had deemed it safe enough to be his first act of heroism. He didn’t have much else to do and if he actually wanted to be some sort of superhero, he would have to actually do some hero-ing.

He continued his dive until he was about as high as the nearby building. He slowed his descent and heavily dropped on the ground. He almost lost his balance but he didn’t fall so it was fine.

“Iron Man?” The criminal guy froze in his tracks and dropped the old woman's purse.

“Not quite.” Harley shot a low powered repulser blast at the man and surprisingly hit him. His arm but he fell to the ground. “I’m more like petty-crime Iron Man.”

The criminal was passed out on the ground so Harley paid attention to the woman.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

“Thank you so much, young man, before you shoot off into the sky, would you mind taking a picture with me? My granddaughter loves Iron Man!” Well, she got over that quickly…

“I guess…” He helped her after she struggled to take a selfie with him and after a few minutes, the lady had a picture of the new black and gold Iron Man. She seemed pretty pleased with the picture. He told her to call the police to report what happened before he shot off into the sky to make his way to New York.

This wasn’t the only stop he ended up having, he ended up stopping a robbery in New Jersy and distracted a potential rapist so that a girl could get an uber home. He wasn’t aware of how many pictures were taken of him and by the time he got to new york, there were several news sites that wrote about him. Most had headlines like ‘Iron Boy?’ or ‘Is there a new Iron Man?’ and dumb shit like that but one had ‘Tony Stark has a child who fights crime?’ So it could’ve been worse.

He landed at the Avengers compound in the middle of the night. He was exhausted but excited at the same time. Conflicting emotions were annoying. He popped out of his iron suit and stretched a bit before strolling into the compound with slightly hunched shoulders. Pepper met him inside, apparently, she had stayed awake waiting for him.

“Tony is just in his workshop and he’s going to stay down there all night if you don’t get him out of there. I’m going to bed and if you just join him, I’m going to sic FRIDAY on you guys.” Pepper threatened with a yawn. Harley was physically exhausted enough not to even think about denying her.

Pepper showed him to the workshop and excused herself to go to bed. FRIDAY let him in and Tony didn’t even notice. Tony seemed to be intensely examining a glowing holographic screen in front of him. Harley sat by him for a full five minutes before Tony even realized that he was there.

“Kid?” Tony looked like he hadn’t slept in a week so Harley was surprised that the guy even recognized that he was a kid.

“Hello to you too, it’s been a while.”

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“Chill out, it’s spring break, I just decided to stop by.” Harley smiled and stood up. “Come on, you look like shit. Your girlfriend wants you to get some sleep.”

“You know I haven’t had enough sleep when I consider that you’re a hallucination.”

“Why the fuck would you hallucinate me? Maybe in the morning, we can reunite properly but personally, I’m about to pass out so…”

“Yeah yeah, no need to make me feel guilty… goddammit, you have gotten better at that…” Tony stretched and stood up in a way that strangely reminded Harley of a cat. “I saw you didn’t waste too much time to go play vigilante.”

“The fly here was pretty boring.” Harley shrugged. “Hey FRIDAY, tell Pepper we’re on our way up.”

‘Of course.’ The AIs voice came from the hidden speakers. ‘Boss says that you haven’t gotten the high score for getting Tony out of the lab.’

‘What’s the high score?’

‘Fifiteen seconds due to an accidental alert from Spider-Man. He didn’t mean to press the panic button.’ FRIDAY replied and if she had a face, Harley was sure that she was smiling. Or rather, smirking.

“Well, I’m going to beat that record.”

“Good luck with that kid…” Tony groaned. “Please at least promise not to give me a heart attack.”

“You have a med bay here right?” Harley smirked.

“Jesus Christ…”

Pepper could hear the laughing all the way from the Iron Suite.

[notesonlearning]

OK so there's a few things that might be different, depending on details (that you don't have to feel obligated to give).

In my situation, I also went and stayed somewhere else. I also was fortunate enough to be able to afford to pay rent (~$500) for a few extra months, since I was staying somewhere else for free, and while it didn't feel good, there wasn't really an alternative that didn't put me in a bad place.

I found a replacement for myself online, talked to them for a bit, got the approval from the landlord, then put them into a group chat with the other roommates and promptly left the group chat. I got the green light from one of the roommates that my replacement was OK (with minimal passive aggression from them), and that was that. This wasn't too bad, emotionally, bc the person I found was very nice and I was able to put my roommates on silent when they got to be too much.

The next part of my story is sort of dependent on the fact that my roommates were all (usually) gone at predictable times. So I tried to move out at the predictable "no-one-is-home" time. With covid and working from home, you may not have this option.

That said, one of them was unexpectedly home, so maybe it's still relevant. I brought my partner for moral support/ manual labour/ protection in case of exactly this, and I also had very little stuff (it was a furnished apartment, so I didn't need to move furniture). There was an awkward moment when my roommate came out of their room to sit in the living area and stare at me as I grabbed my dishes, but for an hour or so I was able to pack in relative peace. I went as fast as I could, absolutely no organisation. Just shit in boxes and then in the car. This was faster with the second set of hands from my partner.

Right near the end, when 99% of my stuff was packed, the roommate who was home group called the others, and there was basically a period where I was just getting verbally abused while I tried to grab the rest of my tupperware. My arm was grabbed, I yelled some stuff I'm not proud of, and I ended up leaving the tupperware behind as I fled in tears. The drive home wasn't pretty, but luckily I had someone to drive for me. I don't know what I would have done without a support person there with me. But I got out with almost all of my stuff, and I avoid that neighbourhood to this day!

I know that this is not a great story. I wouldn't wish a bad roommate experience on anyone. But a few important bits:

Do as much as you can remotely. I did a lot of it with a friend at my side, just to help me move from step to step. They didn't do much other then encourage me to keep going and hug me when I started crying.

If you can, go when everyone is away.

When you get your stuff, bring at least one person with you. More than one is better. They're someone on your side, who will protect you from any aggression (verbal or otherwise), give you moral support on difficult talks, and (perhaps most importantly) help you pack so that you can get out of there faster. Plus, most people hesitate to be confrontational in front of strangers, which is nice.

Pack as fast as you can. No labelled boxes, no cleaning as you go, no organisation. Toss it in the car loose if you have to. A slightly-too-big vehicle is ideal.

Have a "getaway driver." This can be the same person who was there for moral support, and is literally just someone who can drive you away so you're not forced to drive while upset. Because from the sound of it, you may be upset afterwards, even in the best-case scenario of no one being home.

Depending on the roommate problems and the nature of the conflict, you may be or may not be able to ask them to leave at the time you plan to pack.

Otherwise, bringing an older person (such as a parent) may make them less likely to bother you, as most people unconsciously perceive older people as authority figures, which makes them want to behave.

There's also power in numbers sometimes. 3 roommates may not want to say anything if you bring 6 helpers. They may give you judgemental looks, but honestly if you need to get out of there, then what they think is kind of irrelevant as long as they keep it to themselves. A lot of people may be difficult to find/ organise, but at least bring SOMEONE.

does anyone have advice for being in a bad roommate situation? I’m anxious out of my mind and it’s honestly ruining my life right now. I’m back home and away from the apartment right now with 6 more months on the lease. I am pretty sure I can get the landlord to agree to let me get a subleaser (per our contract as long as I get permission), but that would mean talking with my roommates again and then going through the grueling process of finding a new roommate everyone agrees on. Then I have to get my stuff and get out of there.

The process of leaving sounds excruciating, but paying for 6 more month of rent somewhere I’ll either not be living or will be straight misery to be in sounds awful too. I truly feel like I’m in a “I can’t stay and yet I can’t go” situation. I’ve talked to all of my family and friends and there is no clear answer and no one can help me. It’s wrecked my self-confidence and riddled me with like, so much self-hatred for not being able to get along with these people, but I can’t talk to them and I can’t leave.

Does anyone have advice from being in a similar situation?

[tigerlilynoh]

J&F DS: Aftermath - Words & the Power Behind Them

Word count: 1,349 Spoiler warning: Spoilers if you haven’t read Job & Family. Trigger warning: Homophobic & racial slurs 

6/3/2010

“I don't understand how you can eat so much.”  Jeremy comment while shaking his head.

“I have a great metabolism.  It's one of the only good things my dad gave me.”  Dean placed the bag of to go boxes on top of the impala and turned back to Jeremy.

“I'll bet your rugged good looks came from him too.”  Jeremy wrapped his arms around Dean's neck, inviting a kiss.

“Please, I'm pretty.”  Dean corrected with a little grin.

“Not just pretty.  You're dangerously sweet.”  Jeremy kissed Dean.

“Get out of here, fags!”  Someone shouted from a ways off.

There was a group of three men standing on the other end of the restaurant’s parking lot staring at them.  When Dean & Jeremy looked over at them the men stood a little taller, welcoming conflict.  Jeremy stopped hugging Dean, putting a bit of space between them, though he subtly took Dean's hand.

“You're disgusting!”  One of the men yelled.

“Come on, let's go.”  Jeremy whispered to Dean.  “Dean, I know you're upset, but please.”

Dean could hear the suppressed fear in Jeremy's voice.  He nodded without taking his eyes off the group, then squeezed Jeremy's hand in reassurance.  Jeremy started moving around the impala to climb into the passenger side while Dean started to put the leftovers in the car.

“Yeah, run you chink faggot!”

Dean froze.  He clenched his fists.  He couldn't think straight.  He wanted to leave it alone, but they kept pushing and the way they were intimidating Jeremy was just too much.  He could hear their footsteps coming up behind him.  When he turned around he saw that the leader was only a few feet away.

“You got something you want to say?”  The leader goaded Dean.

“No, we're-”  Jeremy started to answer for Dean, but the leader pointed at Jeremy.

“Shut the fuck-”  

Dean punched the leader in the face before he could finish threatening Jeremy.  The bigot’s nose cracked loudly on impact and blood began pouring down his face.  

Dean had a momentary feeling of panic at the realization that Jeremy didn't know he could fight.  Before he could figure out whether to pretend to be bad at fighting or how to explain being good at it, the leader charged at him, tackling him to the ground.  The leader punched Dean twice in the side of his torso before Dean could land a hit on the guy’s face.

One of the other men circled around the car after Jeremy.  Dean kneed the leader, then threw him back into the other flunky and scrambled around the car.  He grabbed the guy from behind before he could attack Jeremy.  The bigot elbowed Dean in the stomach, making him buckle, but Dean didn't let go of him.  While Dean held his arms, Jeremy kneed the attacker in the crotch.  Dean delivered another quick hit before they hastily got in the car and left before the three men could recover.

“Sit down on the couch.”  Jeremy instructed when they entered his apartment.  “Don't lay down though.  I don't want you passing out.”

“I'm not gonna pass out.”  Dean assured as he sat down.

“You might have a concussion.”  Jeremy started making a bag of ice wrapped in a dishcloth, then handed it to Dean before hurrying to the bathroom to get the first aid kit.  “You sure I can't take you to the hospital?”

“I don't need a doctor.”

“If you're worried about the bill, I can-”  Jeremy said as he sat down on the couch next to Dean.

“J, please,”  Dean took his hand.  “It's okay.  I'm fine.”

Jeremy silently stared at Dean for a few seconds before he began cleaning the scrape from the asphalt on Dean's upper back.  The fight had obviously been upsetting for Jeremy- he hadn't said anything on the drive back to his apartment.  Dean wasn't sure what to say.  He'd never been in a situation like that.  The whole thing was fucked up, but seeing someone he cared about so hurt & frightened by those slurs- Dean could feel his guilt flare at the memory of the things he'd said to & about Dee.  The thought made him regret not beating those bigots even more.

“You can't fight them.”  Jeremy finally said in little more than a whisper.

“I think I just did.”

“That's not funny.”  Jeremy stopped what he was doing, put down the gauze, and looked at Dean with a very serious expression on his face.  “I need you to listen to me.  You're new to this, so I don't expect you to get it right away, but that wasn't just a scuffle.  People like that kill us.”

“He called you-”

“I know you were trying to stand up for me, but I don't want you risking your life over some words.”  Jeremy took Dean's hand in his.  “I need you to hear me, really hear me, okay?  We don't get to have a relationship like straight people get.  Seven years ago we could get arrested- hell, Kansas hasn't even taken its anti-sodomy law off the books- People like us get murdered everyday and nobody cares- and people like them know it.”

“What do you expect me to do?”  Dean asked, still trying to process what he'd just heard.

“Just ignore them and we'll leave.”

“But they’ll walk all over you.”

“This is my life- my whole life people like that have been there.  My friends have been beat up.  I've been beat up.  You just got beat up.”  Jeremy's shoulders slumped and he looked at his lap instead of meeting Dean's eyes.  “I don't want you getting hurt.  I don't want to be up at night worrying that you're out there and it went too far.”

Dean kissed Jeremy softly.  He could taste tears.

He had been facing danger for his entire life and in a lot of ways violence had stopped frightening him long ago- but this was different.  Not only did he have more people who cared for him, the threats were new.  These weren't werewolves or ghosts, they were humans.  They had human motives and human means.  There wasn't any doubt in his mind that he could take one or two guys in a brawl without trouble, but humans had guns- humans had systemic forms of persecution that Jeremy had suffered through his whole life.  If the cops had shown up during the fight, what were the odds that the cops would side with the bigots?

“I'll be more careful, I promise.”

“You better be.”  Jeremy squeezed his hand, then looked down bashfully.  “I think I might be in love with you.”

Dean stared at him completely dumbstruck.  He'd only ever been in an emotionally invested relationship with Cassie and that'd just lasted a few weeks.  He'd told her that he loved her, but that relationship had been simple- young & naive.  After Cassie, he'd largely given up on substantive relationships, until Jeremy.  For months Dean had avoided trying to label & quantify any aspect of their relationship- it’d taken five weeks of them seeing each other almost every day before Dean had seriously considered whether they were dating.  Regardless of how much Jeremy meant to Dean, the talk of love was a huge step of vulnerability.

“J, I… it's hard for me to let people get close- I'm used to getting hurt.”

“Are you…”  Jeremy let go of Dean's hands.  “is this not going anywhere?”

“No, god no.  That's not-”  Dean hastily corrected.  “I just… I don't know when I'll be ready for… more, but thinking about this ending- that's the last thing I want.”

“I'm not pushing- I'm really not.”  Jeremy was always careful to make sure that Dean wasn't feeling pressured to move their physical relationship to the next level.

“I know, it means a lot to me.”

“If you don't love me-”  Dean pulled him into a long kiss, then rested his forehead against Jeremy's.

“I want you and I want this- I know it's dangerous, but I'm happy when I'm with you- and I want to be safe.  I don't want you to be scared.”